#I have bringing this back up UGH
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Alright I have to speak about this topic again…
As I said in the other post about the creator and people harassing them… yeah they are mad mad because of the new update.You know? The one where you can’t go on him anymore? Yeah that one. I already made a repost about it which I’m just sad about it. I ain’t gonna stop playing to see him though I’m just gonna say bye from the distance and do the /e wave. He is an introvert so he isn’t gonna be a fan of physical touch and whatnot which I won’t press it on him to continue. It’s the developers idea and stuff so don’t get your panties in a huge twist about it. And no the whole thing with the creators oc and whatnot isn’t Sebastian’s wife or whatever… and if it was a wedding band it’s not gonna stop people from doing their thing. Which the developer knows this, they’re not gonna stop you. Unless you all harass and shit like some of the fandom is doing.
I love Sebastian too, but being sick in the head and hurting the person who created him isn’t gonna make it better for you. It’s going to make you loose that connection and whatnot and eventually we won’t have a game, if it keeps up. You have to be positive and read fanfics or draw like I do and many others as well. Don’t shove it in the develop’s face tho cause it’s just going to annoy them. You can share and then talk amongst yourselves about your ocs and stuff I will gladly see your ships with Sebastian. Yeah it’ll make me hurt, but I won’t hurt you and “flame you” and say you’re incorrect.
It’s sad how I have to say this again… and people still spreading miss information left and right and it’s pissing me the hell off… you all know better. You know not to treat someone like this just because your precious oc isn’t canon with a fictional character. Many series do this and Naruto is a good example, I liked Minoto and he was married to Kushina and had Naruto. Did I get angry and want to harass the creator (I wouldn’t stand a chance lol) no. I just read fanfics and stuff and eventually got over it. Again the creators oc and Sebastian isn’t canon, I’m just making a comparison if he did get married to someone.
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Me enjoying a rewatch of a Red Dwarf episode, having a good time: 🙂
My traitorous brain: Hey, this scene takes place away from Red Dwarf and Starbug, Lister probably doesn't remember it after M-Corp
Me: 😧
#The episode has been on my mind a lot recently. It truly haunts me!!#There's a recently posted fic about M-Corp I absolutely love that brings this up in relation to Rimmerworld (also touches on Terrorform)#but like. imagining some of the other gaps in his memory is a lot#Just off the top of my head when it comes to episodes which contain scenes off Red Dwarf and Starbug:#Justice Legion Meltdown Trojan Thanks for the Memory Lemons DNA Stasis Leak Emohawk#And some of those scenes in said episodes are crazy to think of him not remembering#He doesn't remember having to get married/being told he'll be married in the future or Rimmer first reaching for him when he got hardlight#What about the despair squid hallucinations? Was the dream recorder used to reconstruct his memories? (AKA did he forget The Dream?)#Lemons had a period of the boys traveling for several months that are probably just gone#Does he remember leaving himself as a child?#Ugh!! I can't stand it#Red Dwarf#Dave Lister#Original Post#(P.S. this isn't even considering the implications of how the memories he DID regain were reconstructed or how he got them back#(was it a gradual process or all at once? Which is worse?))#NO WAIT ONE MORE does Red Dwarf contain recordings of the events of Demons and Angels when it was split?#Does he recall the Highs and Lows and what happened to him? Sorry I'll stop now
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My happy, ideal ending: the star-touched elves become the final boss of the series and the gang team up with Aaravos to take them down (somehow) then Aaravos can bring Leola back with the last quasar diamond, and they can go back to the stars happily ever after
#the dragon prince#im 100 certain aaravos and leola will be reunited#either cuz she comes back to life or he dies#but i really hope its cuz she comes back to life#because even if aaravos gets to see her in the afterlife/their souls can be put to rest together or something like that#leola was still robbed of a life#she'll never grow up#possibly fall in love#none of that#and i feel like aaravos would want all of those things for her#MAYBE they'll switch places? so he dies in a spell to bring her back to life?#<- but UGH thats so angsty and saf#*sad#leola deserves to have a life WITH her dad raising her#especially since from what we saw#aaravos was a good parent#and she seems like a good kid in the flashbacks so he was def raising her right#tdp spoilers
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Got Aventurine in 60 pulls!
He’s so auxhuehuche I’m so happy I have him now
#This is actually from 10 days ago but i forgot to post it so#I started on the 20th and i just got to equilibrium 3#Im at the part where we should leave luofu but we visit a few friends we made along the way or smth#Im so happy hes my first limited 5 star i love him#Hes my second oshi after dan heng or maybe even my first#I want to change the voicing to english for aventurine but i cant bring myself to abandon ito kento as dan heng#Maybe i can just change it to en for most of penacony and change it back when jing yuan and dan heng somehow appear#Ugh im still regretting missing out on jing yuan voiced by cyyu#But Ito kento#But i also like english dan heng too omg#Oh i also want to hear eng dr ratio bc he acts slightly differently towards aventurine compared to like jp#Like he sounded much more uh passionate in the aventurine keeping up with star rail video and i was living for it#hsr#hsr aventurine#honkai star rail#Aventurine#aventurine hsr#star rail aventurine#Hm idk im not sure if i should skip all 4 characters in 2.2 and after that (firefly and jade etc)#I have almost 100 tickets saved rn but like im not rly sure ab pulling for any of them#Idk im not really attached to any of the characters rn#Maybe i should wait for ruan mei? I don’t particularly love her tho shes inhumane but pretty idrc#Firefly and robin are apparently rly good but i feel like im baiting myself everytime i read another reddit thread and watch another video#Like idk the only 5 stars i have are yanqing dr ratio and aventurine all e0s0 and i dont feel like pulling for topaz either (boothill idk)#im really tempted to pull for jingliu but im probably going to pull for dhil maybe next year when he reruns just bc i like him so again idk
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kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....
#bungou stray dogs#been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me))#cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands)#but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people#first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now#he was groomed since childhood just like dazai#but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there#and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong#but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself#which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong#and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia...#and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO#where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!!#it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay.#chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself#and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him.#didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!!#i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess#and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just#One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall#he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!!#there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma#and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc#it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!!#even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man#both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation#i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda#and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death#oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)
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2024 Singapore GP | x
#hi everyone I'm sorry I vanished for a few days#this weekend has been ao hard both irl with family and in my heart in the world of F1#I feel so so so so much for Daniel and I keep riding a roller coaster of anger that RBR let this happen and sorrow if this is it#then I swing back to hope#not just in 2025 (which I still believe in!!)#but that he can find joy and fufillment and love somewhere better#he deserves so much better than the callously cruel weekend from a sport he's given so much of his life to#I'll be a Daniel fan no matter where he goes next#but my trust in RBR is irrevocably shattered as it is for many (not that I had much to begin with!)#but he was thrown to the wolves and I'm just so angry and heartbroken this happened#but then the possible last lap of his potential last race given to Max#thank you Daniel#and I'm hopeful til the end#I hope he gets what he wants but he deserves so much love#and seeing the love from fans and the people in his life who DO care#I'm a newer fan but I have become so fond for Daniel so much and the anticipation is killing me#let him and fans have peace (even if the goal is Checo retiring after the Mexico GP then at least give some closure for the month between)#just a hard weekend#and the FIA absurdity with Max too ugh#and Carlos' crash in quali ahhh just an awful weekend#with that and an overwhelming family weekend I just couldn't bring myself to post anything#but thank you everyone for this space#I need to catch up but I have seen so many folks echo how I feel#it is upsetting and needless and uncerimonious and cruel#I'll be hopeful forever there is a chance#but Daniel deserves to be happy and RBR proved how heartless of a place they can be#I'll savor the silver linings of Max and Daniel's bond and those on the team who lifted him up#I'll be away again for a work event today but I looked around insta a bit last night#I'll post and tag for the GP if anyone wants to not see it!! still hurts but it'll all be okay in time I know it ❤️#autumn posts
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I think being a genderqueer/trans man or woman in online communities can be so isolating sometimes because the general populace of people just never include you in their broader thought processes. I'm not very eloquent about it because it's a complex topic but ... it just makes me a bit hesitant to join communities that have a severe lack of queer or trans content.
#tai talks#im kinda sick of being that guy im sorry for bringing it up like boo hoo :(( no content for MEE#its not really like that its an overarching problem i think some fandom spaces have#which is why ive been really enjoying being back in my old communities like y.go#bc people actually make TRANS CONTENT and explore characters that isnt just automatically labeling them as cis?#ugh. anyways ok sorry ill atop talking about this.
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Context: Watts scored a bank shot off a defender on Frankel in overtime to win the 2021 ncaa championship game and these are their responses to it
#this is old but needs to be brought back#petition for watty and frankel to fight it out on the ice#they single handedly bring a Boston Ottawa rivalry to fruition#daryl watts#aerin frankel#pwhl#pwhl ottawa#pwhl boston#but watty here ugh loml#‘idc what she says she lost haha’#girl please have mercy on me#I think there should be an all star type event but it’s just watts trying more and more ridiculous trick shots against frankel#while frankel is mic’ed up saying she didn’t mean to
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sorta ? happy rant but still a rant below.
I’m so happy it happened and I don’t feel good about how much happier I feel but I feel so much happier ! and healthy ngl and it’s taking time and there are good parts and bad parts but overall I’m so glad we’re over because it was so unhealthy I couldn’t see it and I feel better now. And I know not all of it is good for me and I need to find more people to connect with and be friends with irl but cutting off the bad ones helps that so much I think. I’ve noticed I go weeks without thinking about them sometimes and it’s so good ? I feel good healing. Is that bad to say?
#camera talks#oops. ramble bc I’m upset at work but that’s what I was thinking about at 5 in the morning while I was driving#and also I don’t feel like I can tell my irls about this bc idk how they’d feel about me ‘bringing it back up’#I’d really love just to sit and call and chat with some of them about it but. el oh el I don’t think I can#I just think they’d be upset about me talking about it again bc it’s done and over but anyways#ugh. I have the stupid and hard cries about it too. and I still beat myself up about some aspects#but I feel so much bette it’s crazy. I didn’t know you could feel this much better after something like that#and I Know it happened in February which was a fucking while ago but it takes time to heal#I’m actually suprised I feel this good this soon tbh#still gonna vent tag this ngl#vent#tw vent#probably gonna delete later lmao
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Interview. Interview. Oh Another interview. Interview. Interview.
Guess what's next? An interview that a manager is like "Today at 2pm sound good?" which I took bc yeah, it was good...
I'm tired.
Now will ANY OF THEM ACTUALLY Call Me Back???
#taks speaks#literally woke up to an email from a place that interviewed me two days ago saying i wasn't selected for an interview#like??? What???#YOU JUST INTERVIEWED ME#there's one of them that i'm hoping for bc it has the lovely 8-5 hours. not per shift. just being open#and it's a tourist trap#that has good health benefits and gets me into other tourist traps around town For Free +3 guests max#like hello. dad can visit. bring both sisters. we're going touristing#and sea world at 50% off which is pretty damn cool#i'm gonna start harassing them daily on the phone as of wednesday#if that gas station food prep job doesn't get back#which pays a touch more with a 10% discount on GAS#BUT they're the ones who sent that weird email this morning saying i didn't make it to the interview stage which um#why? what? you talked to me twice?#I'm QUALIFIED? It's the same damn job i previously had but for a gas station. i mean come on#ugh. my lowest quality options are part time at a busier and more annoying tourist trap#or *sighs* dominos.#at least dominos gets good tips tho#everyday for like. the last week has been interviews#except yesterday which tbh i slept most of it#i need a fuckin job dude. come on#i have also created a list of managers i would rather be interviewed by#at the bottom of the list is intimidating older woman. next is slightly younger than that woman who thinks i don't look local enough#somewhere in the middle is that really chill old lady who gave me advice about chafing in the heat. great lady#and top is black man in his 20s. very chill. easy to talk to. i've been interviewed by two and the first one was younger than me#and i intimidated him. bc i knew more about interviewing laws than he did. whoops. missed out on the job but he was nice#today's though? KNEW HIS SHIT. Perfect manager. I'd want to work for him. Chill. easy to talk to and understood the laws well#...just realized the bar is that low. wow.#sadly he's the dominos guy and that job is second to last on my preferred list#i have most definitely noticed that the person interviewing you sets the daily tone for the job
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3-5 should have ended with that incredible moment of Dahlia being exorcised from Maya's body. The fact that it drags on for so fucking long after that because Godot can't just give it up for bad-man-sad-man reasons (that the game uses Phoenix and Maya to try to convince you are so noble even though the alternative to him confessing is an indictment for Maya) drags the entire case down by a significant degree.
#like again mvk did a similar thing in 1-4 but he did it bc he was a bastard & the game treated him as such#here gdt is an asshole and the game is like noooo he's a good guy!!!!#my favorite part was when he said he didn't tell the one person he should have abt the murder plot#& you think he'd say Maya bc. you know. she was the target. it was her goddamn life on the line#but she says ''you mean Nick?'' and he's like ''the most important man in the room''#DISGUSTING. TRASH. GARBAGE. VOMIT ALL OVER THIS CASE.#also hate the way he talks abt Mia posthumously tbh#''she wouldn't have died if i'd been there''#''it was your job to save her''#i realize Mia did in fact die but that wasn't because she didn't have a man present#like idk the way he talks about her REALLY damsels her in a way she wasn't prior to T&T#and also while one could argue she was killed in 1-2 to further Phoenix's growth (thus fridged) - i'd say no#bc of the channeling. she was a dead mentor who came back all the time#she died to bring in Maya#retroactively using her death to give Godot the sads of having a dead gf retcons her into a fridge#ugh. ugh ugh ugh#i picked up on NONE of this when i first played T&T back in high school#and i'd never made it back to T&T any time i tried to replay the og trilogy after#(i always lost steam after jfa)#my positive memories of gdt and his relationship with Mia have been shattered by this replay#canonically she has shit tier taste in men#yes he's attractive but then he opens his mouth and you're hit with the coffee breath and awful personality#girl what were you THINKING
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#negativity cw#mother mention cw#I’ve been in a funk since visiting my parents this weekend#And my mom ranted about my dad and her potential plans for divorce#It’s not the only reason I’m upset#I’ve got feelings about my job performance and my social life which aren’t helping#But being reminded of their marital woes feels like it’s brought everything else up#Half of me wants to ask my mom to not bring it up again#Which I know is a reasonable boundary to ask#But I’m afraid of the repercussions#She’ll respect it#But she’ll respect me less#Which should be okay since I’m an adult#But my mom is my closest confidante (which goes back to the friends thing)#I don’t have too many close friends irl#And even if that weren’t the case#I don’t want to poison the well#ugh#I really really really wish she hadn’t told me#She talked about how she’s glad in this country you can ‘take a man to the cleaners’#And she’s keeping her cards close to her chest so he doesn’t ‘hide the money’#And I know his behavior and inaction are largely responsible for the breakdown of the marriage#But now I feel like I’m betraying him by keeping quiet about it#And I can’t tell my dad because I don’t know if he would keep it to himself if push comes to shove#And it would nuke my relationship with my mom from external orbit#I have to spend Wed evening and Thurs with my parents#And I’m thinking of telling her tonight I don’t want to hear any more about it#We’ll have to see how it goes#But I can’t handle this tension#if she wants to vent about it she can talk to her friends or a therapist or a lawyer or whatever
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Honestly considering changing my career to a school bus driver after whatever happened in the local news yesterday
#tw csa mention#tw csa#for context yesterday the discourse in local internet was a user brings up that thete was a creep on tiktok-#uploading vids of minors riding his bus#and the caption is very very gross like one of it said “today my crush is doing her homework” like what the fuck dude#and there's literally one video of him where this girl sleeps and he tries to wake her up by kissing the girl in the forehead#and touching her body like literally gross gross gross you need to go to hell#whats more upsetting is that theres 600k following this creep and the comments are enabling this guys' behaviour#saying shit like it was just light teasing and woke ppl ruins everything and say their relatives does that when they were-#young and nothing happened like what the fuck what the fuck what the fuckk#it's really really really upsetting for me that people really back up groomers#like not sorry at all fuck you this is so personal to me#i dont want to say more but like this really affects me and I legit cry for this ugh#but Im really glad at least theres people with brains who vehemently objects this and brings this case to the law enforcer#and the creep's acc got banned just today and got arrested#im so sorry im a mess ive been in this stupid depressive mood for weeks but this one just really takes the fucking cake#i want to be a van driver just so kids dont have to ride van with creepy man#i dont think thay sounds so bad at all i like driving
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maybe the reason im so upset about it isnt cuz she broke up wme but because all that waiting over the summer just feels so worthelss now. like i know we couldnt talk as much or be around each other as much but i was waitingall summer like when we get back all we'll do is be together!!!! all of the 'new relationship syndrome especially now that its long distance' stuff will be fixed when we get back!! but were over and theres no chanec of fixing it because were over and its just like what if we waited what if we just figured it out for another few weeksand see where it went form there
#its not just that its also cuz she knew she wouldnt have a lot oftiem in the semester & also shes entitled to her experiences but its like#all summer we talked aboutall the things wed do together whenwe got back to campus so its like#all of that imagining is going to waste you know. and it makes me really really sad#cuz we had so many plans only for all of them to go in the air a week before school starts#and i guess i feel let down about all of it (which isnt her fault) because why did we say all that only for us to break up :(#and she told me breaking up was something sehd only recently started thinking about so its like#the emotional part of me is wondering why cant we just wait it out for a few weeks and find out of this is really worth saving you know#cuz it just feels so sudden like we werent meant to end just yet#it doesnt feel right. like we literally only just started you know#and she said she didnt feel like dragging me along whiel she figured shit out#which is kind btu i guess to me its like i would prefer being dragged along because at least then ill start to feel the pain of it too#cuz where we are right now i didnt even feel any sort of weirdness i thought everything was going so well#like id rather break up when i do feel something bad#not BEFORE i feel something bad you know???#but also its more than just about that. like she told me that she felt werid and i dont think she would have broken up with me for no reaso#like im sure she did it becuase she felt right about it and im not mad at her about it#im just really really sad cuz i really thought we were doing so good. like just last week she was saying how much she missedme#sorry ugh i know im ranting so much about it but i dont feel like bringing this up with my friends yet cuz its just so embarrinsg being lik#hey so you know how totally obsessed we were with each other. well we broke up not even 5 months later haha so embarrsing#like it all just feels like... what did we do all that for!!! what did we spend all summer telling each other we loved each other for!#but again just cuz i didnt feel like it was the end doesnt mean she didn't. she did say she felt werid but ughhhh i dont fucking know#im just really surprised and sad about it
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okay can we have a new rule that if you're my friend and know I struggle with rsd from adhd + you're planning on hanging out with mutual friends but specifically aren't inviting me for whatever reason. Maybe Don't Tell Me About It
#id just rather not know man. even if I cant go or dont particularly want to im going to get stung by it and it rly sucks#its a TON of extra effort i have to put in to emotionally navigate that information without overreacting and making it an issue#wait actually maybe i do need to sit down with her and explain this more explicitly. bc she probably doesnt rly know abt it#even tho ive mentioned it shes rly terrible at reading ppl and i probably dont let on much abt it anyway bc im used to dealing w it#ugh. but also its rly embarrassing to talk abt and ill have to tread so carefully to make sure it doesnt get misinterpreted. hmm#but itd be worth it if she stopped so. ill give it some thought#it makes me feel so unreal sometimes bc i cant always tell if im justifiably upset or if im 'just overreacting' so i assume the latter-#most of the time to give myself space to work thru the emotion and minimise the damage i might cause if i AM just overreacting#but then sometimes later on i realise that it was justified but its too late to bring it back up and anyway ive worked through it#and idk. theres smth self disrespectful abt it all im tired of making space all the time and never taking any up myself#im not THAT upset rn like this is a v minor thing but still. might be time to start nipping this stuff in the bud#aaanyway#im procrastinating eating bc i cooked a nice meal but now im not in the mood to eat it 😭😭 but i gotta fuel up.....#ill find smth to watch hopefully thatll do the trick#yawns so loud bye for now#.diaries
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Bad day. Horrible awful terrible bad day
#there’s not even a reason. nothing bad has actually happened#it just FUCKING SUCKS#I want to walk into a lake and never come back#I want to take my brain out of my skull and throw it at a wall and watch it splatter#I know today sucks because I’m so tense and upset that my back HURTS so fucking bad#cuz when this happens I tense up and my back muscles decide to coil around my spine and squeeze like a starving snake#it’s spreading through my shoulders and even to my chest which is a first#I just 😭😭😭 I want to go home except home also sucks cuz roommate#and I know he’ll be out in a few days but that feels like forever#and I’m so tired and I’m so upset and I want to curl up in a ball and cry and hide from the world#but I’m working a 7 day stretch at my job#and I have to transfer the power and internet to my name sometime before Wednesday#and I’m so sick of takeout the idea of eating it makes me want to vomit but I can’t physically bring myself to cook while they’re there#and I just. ugh. UGH#I’m so sick of existing#why does my life only allow me small handfuls of months at a time#where I’m not living in some form of disaster and stressed to all hell and back and just wanting to lay down and die#what did I do so wrong. what have I done to deserve all this shit#in my short terrible miserable fucking life#whatever I’ll just go home and stare at the wall#and then go to bed and come to work and come to work and come to work there’s always going to work#I’m going to fucking scream I hate my brain#why can’t it just regulate itself in a normal way cuz that’s the thing I know I’m being insane and nothing is actually this bad#but man if it doesn’t fucking feel that way#and being aware I’m being batshit really doesn’t make it better actually I think it makes it worse#kaz rambles
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