#I have been depriving myself
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Day 29: Peter and Caroline
themmmm!!! <3
#dsaftober2024#dsaftober#How did Peter manage to get such a cute wife huh??#I haven't drawn a woman in. so long holy shit#I have been depriving myself#peter kennedy#dsaf peter#peter dsaf#peterline#caroline kennedy#dsaf caroline#caroline dsaf#why the fuck is my old art one of the top results when you look up dsaf Caroline???#fuckin jumpscare#dayshift at freddy's#dsaf#dsaf fanart#my art
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mentor
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#gojo satoru#megumi fushiguro#jjk art#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#pulled another allnighter fr Angst's sake cries i havent slept.......but i couldnt help myself i was out all DAY i hadnt drawn all DAY#do u know what that does to a mf i felt all antsy and Wrong#so i cracked an energy drink i think i may have a problem honestly but hey at least u get ur daily dose of megumi angst#remember how i said i considered including gojo in the yuuji/tsumiki/megu squared train piece#well this is me making up fr Not including him there#i ws right his and megumi's relationship deserves its own homage smile :)#anyway @ anon who wanted a gojo/megumi hug.....ik it's not exactly a hug but you can forgive me im sure <3#dare i say it's better than hugs jeremy.....#honestly fr all my gripes w gojo i Did get kind of emo abt this?? but i feel like. the majority of my emotions r on megumi's behalf#also might have been the mukashi mukashi no kyou no boku on repeat that'll also do it#seriously debated putting translated lyrics as the caption but it feels like a copout doing 2 lyric-captions in a row#also i do have some shame. miku lyrics r a bit.#anyway art notes uhhhhh finally got gojo's hair to not look Yuuji#who knew the trick was to make it longer smh maybe sleep deprivation n 10 hours of staring at a screen Does make simple problems hard#oh file name 'proud of you' btw
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here's 18-19 year old aang sketches. been hearing aang is ugly discourse—no he ain't. he was just 12.
#i really wanted to take part in zukaang bingo but the urge to art struck me a little later#i still might make something else later#enough art for now#i'd try to participate in maiko week but i'm not sure#it's smack in the middle of end semester exams#ink blot#avatar fanart#avatar the last airbender#atla#artists on tumblr#fanart#avatar aang#why did i never use the pencil brush before?!?! i seriously have a personality flaw where i just don't explore stuff.#can you believe i've been using the same fucking brush for lineart ever since i started digital art?#anyways! i don't know how the pencil brush would feel like if i go for colours but this is impeccable.#I have more control over stuff and i love the result#so#i have promised myself i'd be fucking off this hellsite because i have a huge backlog of work that needs to be done#and i'm presently suffering from “can't help but art”. so#yeah. y'all would probably see me around maiko week. byeee!#if i deprive myself of drawing for too long it bursts out of me like this where i do nothing but draw#not healthy at all
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i have no explanation for this
#james fitzjames#og james fitzjames#the terror#my drawings#the terror dan simmons#historical james fitzjames#i guess???#the franklin expedition#now this was a few months ago#but i think the idea was#that franklin & fitzjames look like the kind of guys who would be absolutely crazy about Nutella#nevermind that it hadn’t been invented yet#and uh#this happened#the terror fanart#james fitzjames fanart#drawn in a moment of sleep deprivation induced madness#that’s really all i can say for myself#imagine how much it would suck to be in your early thirties on your very first arctic expedition (that you thought would be a breeze)#and now suddenly you’re in charge (because your boss died)#(possibly both his bosses— we don’t know!)#and it’s really just a no win situation all around#like yeah you signed up for this#and you were so sure it would be a good time that you got several of your friends to sign up with you#so there’s absolutely no one to blame but yourself#but how could you know it would be this bad#no other expedition here (as far as i know) ever had a 100% fatality rate#but i guess there always has to be a first#(but why did you have to be the first?)#you know?
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weird guys in my brain in an ongoing battle of who can pry more personal information out of the other while revealing the least about themselves (neither of them are winning but heinrix is definitely losing)
#i mean... he IS also flirting with him. but it's not because he likes him#not yet anyway#my art#rogue trader#cosmas von valancius#heinrix van calox#heinrix x von valancius#vanvon#how it feels to put cosmas in a practical vest instead of leaving half of the buttons on his shirt undone ->😔#actually kindo f shocked an awed i finshed something i have been on that Giving Up grind#does anyone want to hear about what the deal between them is.....#i have been driving myself insane about it for the past several months#hey. does this look. im kind of sleep deprived for no reason my judgement is not good
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28 October / I think it’s gonna be okay guys !
#IM GONNA REGRET POSTING MY INSANELY SLEEP DEPRIVED MUG#but this way y’all can experience the glow up with me over the next 4 months#plus only like 7 of y’all will see this atp anywayaasss so im still faceless on my Main heheheeeee#Btw my hair is naturally curly and I swear the shitty fringe I cut the other day looks better on my curly hair LMAO#but I randomly straightened it today#also usually have a septum piercing but I’m going through a phase where I want it gone LolLl it’ll b back likely#it’s literally still in my nose rn just hiding#proof I went outside !!#october#24 DAYS LEFT BEING 24 TOMORROW HELP#idk y I thought posting face reveal gonna make y’all hate me but oh well#probs bc I been in my flop era too long and im projectingg#also period rn makin me feel so gross but idgaf imma try get back into life#ahahahahahaahaha y m I posting my crusty ass rn idk im silly#also the more I look at these pics the more I hated myself so I’m never gonna look again LOLol#someone make me quit yappin arghhhkfbthtn#ily#hope ur day is slaying#YAKULTII
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dr twooth
#just watched my first ever troughton serial (the mind robber)#can't believe I have been depriving myself of two all these years#he's so fungly !!!!!#anyway here's a sketch I did while watchig#more where that came from...#ohhamlet art#doctor who#dr who#classic who#second doctor#2nd doctor#patrick troughton#dw#dw art#doctor who fanart#dw fanart#the doctor
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The worst part about reading in a genre where you have low expectations (in this case, Christian historical fiction) is that when a book impresses you, you have no idea if it's actually good or if you're just overly impressed because it was a fraction of a degree better than the usual garbage.
#basically lately anytime i read a christian fiction book that isn't romance-based i find myself surprised by the quality#i do think that some christian publishers are getting better#and trying to tell stories that dig deeper into real faith and messy issues#instead of making only vapid squeaky clean prayer-filled tropefests#but i'm not sure *how much* better#because anything above the low bar feels like great literature#the most recent is 'in a far-off land' by stephanie landsem#and let me tell you setting the prodigal son in 1930s hollywood is a genius concept#i have some issues with the history and the mystery#but the characters!#it has been a long time since i cried this hard over a book#several chapters of solid waterworks#(and i also have the issue of figuring out if it's actually that moving or if i'm just hormonal/sleep-deprived)#i keep thinking about this book but also i worry about recommending because what if it's actually terrible by normal book standards?#(also the author DOES NOT understand the seal of confession and i was SHOCKED to find that she's actually catholic)#but also looking at the reviews makes it clear that if most of christian fiction is vapid garbage it's these reviewers' fault#here you have something that's digging into sin and darkness and justice and mercy and these people are just#'how can it call itself christian fiction if it only mentions god at the end?'#are we reading the same book this WHOLE THING is about god! and humanity and our fallen nature and how this breaks relationships!#your pearl-clutching anytime someone tries to get even a tiny bit realistic is destroying this genre#i'm gonna run out of tags so i'll stop now
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the one person that she’s found some sort of sanctuary or solace with (alycia debnam carey)
shakespeare, “a midsummer night’s dream” • fall out boy, “church” • him, “the sacrament” • katherine philips, “friendship’s mystery, to my dearest lucasia” • @entirelytookeen, “(my) destruction within your mouth” • kerry banazek, “as an experiment”
#look. listen its been six weeks of me rotating clexa in my mind i need an outlet#i'll even tag it. are there people still in that fandom#clexa#clexaedit#i am Not tagging the show. in a reblog later to have it in my tag but this isnt abt the show its abt clexa. very separate matters TO ME#anyways i made myself a challenge lmao no siken or hozier#if you know what time it is rn in my timezone mind your business#me sleep deprived: anyways here is clexa with shakespeare and uhhh fall out boy#it is simply not my fault that i found that adc quote while already mentally unstable from rewatching 3x03#for the first time in over six years#anyways the target audience is me and me alone
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i log on to this site. i write essays about dnp and their gay little antics. i save them to my drafts because i am scared of being perceived. i log off again
#i have thoughts. but at what cost#i know people on here are generally really cool but i dont wanna risk it lshfldkjfslkjg#like this isnt twitter but there are still topics that people will bully you for having the wrong opinion on djfskkjfk#and also theres the fact that my dissociative episodes have been better lately since im less sleep deprived but#i still have a really hard time trusting my own perception of reality sometimes if that makes sense???#like every time i try to express a serious thought on here my brain goes#ok but what if i got all of this wrong.#what if i misremembered everything and i cant read suddenly so i cant fact check it#what if dan and phil arent even real and i just made them up and nobody knows what im talking about dsjhgljglknfls it's rough#it's making it really hard to finish my thesis project as well bc i second guess every single thought i have like i cannot trust myself.#losing my mind#discussing dans phantwerp autism blunder over the last few days really took it out of me#bc i started panicking like omg what if he didnt even say that at all and i just completely made it up dsflglglsknvlknvlnknkldsnv#anyway rip to the 126 posts in my drafts which will never see the light of day
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i saw the clip of mello finding out about matt's death from the news again and the cops were like "we're still trying to identify the suspect that was gunned down" and my immediate thought was haha good luck with that but now im thinking...
who is gonna identify OR claim him? mello is the only person who would and he died a few hours later. i bet there's no record of matt anywhere, being a wammy's kid and all, and like the only way anyone is gonna put two and two together is through halle.
if halle knew who matt was and that he worked with mello, then near would probably also know and claim him, but literally if she didn't know, which would make sense strategically on mello's side, matt would just be a rando that worked under mello for all anyone cares.
so now im sitting here wondering if there's a tombstone for matt somewhere out there and whether 'mail jeevas' is engraved on it.
#im severely sleep deprived and travelling rn idk why my brain chose this of all things to ponder#like the way mello will most definitely get a grave with his full name of it at the cost of having been compromised#i wish him being religious was in any way explored im an atheist myself but id love to analyze this aspect of him sm#and matt was made for him#and served that purpose only#he came and went from the world so quietly#i am unwell#mellodramattic#death note#mello#death note matt#mail jeevas#mihael keehl#matt x mello
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should i sleep for a hundred million years or purposefully stop sleeping just to see what happens
#i have slept 2 hours and haven’t been able to fall asleep again for like 3 hours and i was really tired and mad abt it but now i am not#tired and not mad abt it so maybe the path i should be taking is to stop sleeping. sleeping a lot gives me little energy and i’ve been#having trouble sleeping anyway so maybe i should use this to my advantage and run my little sleep deprivation experiment that i was#originally planning to do a couple years back but then got sooo eepy sleepy that i didn’t really get far. but maybe that’s bc i wanted to#go 72 hours straight w/o sleep so i could record my response to it. i should be more subtle i think. maybe only a few hours a night#and more 30 hour waking periods. do not listen to a single thing i say ever i’m an unreliable narrator btw. i think i could trigger smth#fun to happen i:m a good age for sleep deprivation to do something fun and interesting to me and i want to play god#but i’d get kinda sad being awake all the time bc sleeping is like my number one coping mechanism. then again the pain of losing#that on top of the physical and mental consequences of sleep deprivation would be like so cool. it would pain me so much#but i find that compelling. do not listen to a single word i say i will realize this is dumb later but rn i do kinda want to think abt#running my little experiments and trying to ruin myself further. i’m such a good thing to think abt experimenting on bc i’m so affected#by things i just wish i had more force of will Does anyone want to kidnap me and keep me awake for 72 hours (i’m thinking electrocution#will be involved) and keep notes i fear i’d give up and i wouldn’t keep good enough track of things which would be so sad#obvi it would be unethical but i’m cool w that. i would also want it all on camera for review purposes. hmm i’m digging this idea. 72 hours#is not very long and i doubt there would be lasting consequences so it seems like a good idea. however i’d want to do this when i have#things to keep me busy and restricted access to places to sleep. okay i must think on this further pay no mind to what i say unless u have#suggestions like how to keep yourself from giving in bc i always have difficulty w that one
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daily whistlepaw until bu becomes PoV day 1098
Songleap showing off the cool bug she found
#warrior cats#whistlepaw#songleap#windclan#medicine cat apprentice#warrior#bugs make me uncomfortable and I find that so sad and annoying at the same time#I wanted to look at pictures of beetles found in the UK but goddamn I felt uncomfortable the whole time#so I give you a *very simplified* stag beetle because more details would not be too pleasant now#maybe I should therapise myself by drawing detailed bugs#but not when 1. sleep deprived and 2. I have other urgent matters (aka EXAMS)#I've been tired all day. it is bullshit and I want a refund. I haven't studied today yet and when writing this it is already 8 pm#I know my days are shifted and I am usually active until around 4 am but stilll...#not happy#but I'll add detailed bugs in the projects list#alongside HUMANS and backgrounds (I want to test the lined bg thing again)
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mish’s relationships with the rd cast
#rhythm doctor#internsona#aka: random thoughts from a sleep deprived mish#man im so productive when i work at 3 in the morning i should butcher my sleep schedule more often /j#not joking about the productive part tho like ive noticed that at the dead of night i have like 10x more motivation to write for once and#its amazing#i might be the worst person ever at structuring my thoughts into coherent words but once im in the zone IM IN THE ZONE#ive also been thinking about a possible fluffy fic idea thats been circling my head for a couple days but eh#maybe my ao3 account will see an actual use in the future we’ll see#??????? i am not a writer though i do not call myself one its just a thing i like to do when im extremely bored#also i wrote the edega part seperately from the rest of them which is why its capitalized and. kind of bad#mishs art tag
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It's ok to have bad days when you're healing. It's ok to have regressions even if its "been some time." It's ok to say "no, I can't do this right now" or "I need some time." It's ok to heal how you need to.
You experienced something no person should ever have to go through and you've fought every day to stay afloat. You are strong. You are powerful. You are worth it. Life moves forward and so do you. Every single day you make progress. You may not see it, but it's happening. You have something to be proud of.
You are loved, even if some days you feel utterly alone. Once again, you are worth it.
#moonvent#this wont be a habit#i dont like expressing myself like this#but sometimes you have to do what helps#even if it seems weird#but yeah if youve read this far#I'm trying to get back to a normal art schedule#and answering asks schedule?#i never thought people would be interested in my silly characters#or my sneezes lol#but yeah#getting back to my semi normal schedule of art#and wavs occasionally#once again very sorry about this big gap#been through a lot and sometimes it just catches up with you#just how it is sometimes#will probably delete this in the morning#when im not entirely sleep deprived#and whacked on panic and anxiety and misery#goodnight#moonrambles#moonwalk&talk#not snz
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if you're going to put Mysterio into a story, please do more than "he gives Spider-Man visions" if that is the only thing you're gonna use him for to further the development of Spider-Man's character as a whole.
Why not? Cuz you can literally give Spider-Man visions through so many other means and it won't change the outcome you're wanting. You need to ask yourself: What purpose would Mysterio actually serve besides doing something that another character or situation could do exactly the same as you're wanting Mysterio to?
two examples right off the bat that could serve the exact same purpose in the exact same way:
Scorpion hallucinations from the toxins.
Sleep deprivation + nightmares
There is more you can do with Mysterio as a character and a whole lot more that could be explored with his character and how he could serve and affect the story as a whole, giving him more reason to actually exist within the narrative you're trying to tell. It would be beneficial in the long run to figure out WHY you want a specific character to appear and for what purpose and reasons they should appear and how they specifically over any other method to achieve the goal you need would affect the story and character would affect the story in a meaningful way.
Mysterio is a rich and complex character. If I knew more, I could probably maybe say similar for Scorpion, but if you want Spider-Man to experience visions to further his development with other characters or his overall character and such without fussing over yet another character now added to the mess, you would be better going for the option that doesn't involve another character to keep track of.
idk I just feel like Mysterio deserves more purpose and reason to be used as MORE than just an "object" or a "tool".
there's lots more you can explore with his character and it just feels like a shame to toss him in for little to no reason.
(not that I'll complain much in the end, I'm always happy to see him in general, but my point still stands, though.)
#ghostie mumbles#sorry I was listening to a video and it was nice and good until he mentioned mysterio popping in and skdjjsdfdsfh#I couldn't help myself but pop off a little.#YES Mysterio does have his ongoing thing about wanting revenge for always being defeated by spider-man#but within the narrative the guy in the video was trying to express.. he served like no reason at all to appear?#the only reason was to give him visions? when his own trauma from a prior discussed point and the stresses and anxieties from it--#--giving him terrible sleep that devolves into sleep deprived hallucinations would have been the far better option?#//long post
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