#why the fuck is my old art one of the top results when you look up dsaf Caroline???

[hazy-egg]

Day 29: Peter and Caroline

themmmm!!! <3

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - THERE IS SO MUCH ON RIGHT NOW, it's crazy-making!

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

July 2024 Week 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 10 of 12 - I am with Dee, noodles do solve everything. The brothers were SO GOOD together. I’m getting to really love a back drop in BL, it’s like the mic drop of gay boys smooching. This is such a good show. I had a big grin on my face while also crying a bit. Everything I want from a BL is happening right here, in front of my eyes.

Did they gloss over the trauma a bit? Yes. Do I care? No. I don't like dwelling in trauma in general, mine, friends, online, or in my BL.

The Rebound (Weds Gaga) ep 2 of 12 - All Thai mafia is gay… again. Yes, it’s still great. No, I have no idea why they’re dropping so many eps at once. That’s not normal for a Thai drama. But I’m not gonna complain except there’s a lot on right now. I like the side couple too. I also like Frank’s poor little rich kid side dish action. I mean, Meen is an ult for me, but Frank is giving excellent second lead syndrome. Suspiciously aggressive and a touch stalker, but I don’t mind a boy that sus if he that cute. And of course, with the mafia involved there is kidnapping.

Look, is this the best show currently airing? No. Which is why it slid a little in the standings. But that's only because Wandee hit it out of the park this week. Frankly, this may not be the best BL airing right now, but it’s the best BL for me.

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 - That oppa bit was fucking genius. (You get it right? If you don't, I can explain.) And I immediately adore the secretary character as a result (I typed that as "reslut" and that works too.) Pleased to have such a "rich man and his spoiled boy" dynamic it going already. A dynamic I am personally IRL familiar with from the 90s. Also, kiddies stop filming adults at play! Sheesh.

I pretty much love all the couples in this show. It’s lots of fun. SamYo’s cat and mouse thing is delightful. Meanwhile, the mains are so sweetly hesitant about kisses and everything (hilarious coming from this pair). I love them and their awkward first time, or whatever is going on.

Do you know what? After that "oppa" comment this lead pair makes me feel a little bit like I’m watching a gay K-drama, similar style of personalities and everything, even the random martial arts ability. And the outing. I'm getting Business Proposal vibes. Nothing wrong with that, I was weaned on K-dramas.

All in all, great episode.

My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 11 of 12 - Yet again I spent the entire episode saying "poor Joe" over and over again. This time I didn’t cry though.

The pat way to end this is to have Joe walk through that door and then wake up back when he was about to get into the motorcycle accident. So that none of it ever happened. I suppose we’ll see what they do next week but I hope it isn’t that.

We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 14 of 16 - Do you know what this friendship group reminds me of the most? The old Love Sick music club boys. This is just the college version... 10 years later. (Love Sick was one of the few shows where I mostly didn’t yell “no singing” at the screen (also Ingredients). In my defense, I didn’t know any better back then.)

As boyfriends, PhumPeem are even more puppy/cat paring. And I am even more delighted by it. And them. In fact, this show is ALL puppy/cat pairings. I’m not mad about it.

"I’m hugging you so you won’t feel hungry" is the weirdest pick up ever. But Phum is weird. 

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 1 of 8 - The PittBabe team behind a new restaurant set BL full of hidden agendas and starring my new favorites SailubPon. I’m reminded so much right off the bat of PokeTongue’s side dish couple in What’s Zabb Man. Interesting, considering that came from Pon’s former studio. Love the call out of obnoxious content creators (not to mention corporate property developers). I like the chef character, he’s nicely complex. In fact, so far I like most of the characters, it’s a good range of different personality types. The plot is a little contrived and complicated but I don’t mind because the characters are such fun.

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 1 of 12 - Reported on this last week already but here's what I said:

Gun still looks like he’s just out of high school. Madness.

The set for the print shop reminds me of Mork’s dad’s place in ‘Cause He’s My Boy? I swear GMMTV has only 3 sets.

I wasn't looking forward to this show at all. Maybe I just needed more of a break from OffGun? Cooking Crush happened yesterday.

Whatever, because I was absolutely riveted by this first episode.

I’m enjoying The Trainee a lot. Like, a lot a lot. It's not higher up just because there is so much good content from Thailand airing right now.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 5 of 12 - Still a chaos muffin no matter which country. So earnest. So cute. Talking stage commence!!!

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 4 of 10 - I got so bored I started looking up ways to organize my sunglasses. Trash watch here.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 6-7 of 12 - The exes are odd. I like that Latte finally got some backstory.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) Ep 2 of 10 - I’m still enjoying this quite a bit. It’s paralleling the manga quite closely, which is nice. But it’s not gonna be a particularly exciting drama if this continues. The manga is rather quiet (pun intended to amuse not insult).

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Look, if some kid followed me to college and changed the whole course of his life because I was nice about his dead bird? I'd be skeeved as fuck too. It's odd and uncomfortable, in that way Japan loves. Visuals are on point but can't say I'm enjoying it as yet. Still, it is JBL, and so I am intrigued and open to all possibilities.

It's airing but...

The Last Time (Thai Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - I've put the search on hold for and y'all can let me know if it's worth tracking down once it ends?

In case you missed it

Blue Boys finished it run. I like it quite a bit. This felt a lot like a Strongberry short series. It’s very curtailed and could’ve used some legs but I've been trained into ignoring that for Korean BL. Short has always been their thing. Essentially, two boys who were acquaintances in high school are reunited and it turns out always had crushes on each other. It’s definitely an extrovert meets introvert scenario, and this being Korea, they can’t resist a tiny love triangle in the eleventh hour. But it all came out fine in the end. It has great kisses and higher heat than is normal from Korea. All in all, a surprisingly charming offering. Recommended with some reservations around the brevity of plot and character development. 8/10 

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution. I demand you tell me the moment you find it!

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

July Releases to Come

7/10 Century of Love (Thai Gaga) 10 eps - trailer here, DaouOffroad are back, this time as fated mates in a quasi historical paranormal moment. San has spent many lifetimes waiting for his lost beloved, to reincarnate from her death a century ago. But if he fails to find her within this century's time window, he will succumb to a tragic death. And this time she's a boy. Very much Director Who Buys Me Dinner meets First Love Again, hopefully better than both. I love this pair and think they can handle the premise, it's whether the storytelling is up to the challenge. I'm curious to see but I have reservations.

7/24 I Saw You in My Dream (Thai Weds WeTV) - Dee Hup is behind this one so I have high hopes. Younger boy chronically teased his whole life by the older boy next door suddenly starts having horrific prophetic dreams about his bully and must save hime.

7/26 4 Minutes (Thai Netflix or iQIYI?) - Great is a university student from Faculty of Business and the son of a wealthy business owner. Out of the blue, he gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future.

7/29 Battle of the Writers (Thai ????) - trailer here, TutorYim return and while I adore them, I really hope this is better than Middleman's Love. Won't be hard. However: that premise! Ugh. Something something authors fighting - save me. Why don't writers understand that nothing is more boring than writers?

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Product placement du jour! Also the only product placed in a BL that I regularly enjoy myself.

Yes I cried. I'm a sap.

The faens in the wive's positions! So cute.

All Wandee

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[double-vandammage]

Title: Unexpected

Word count: 2,404

Rating: 18+

Ship: Bret Hart x Shawn Michaels

Tags/Warnings: Shawn POV, Drinking, Fighting (mentioned), Blood and Injury, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Quickie, Hand Jobs, Making out

Also posted to my a03: aa_beatrix

This is what happened when they buried the hatchet right? Right? 🙀

Timeline is 2010.

My sister @taydaq and I decided to do an Art Trade and her only request was Shawn and Bret on a counter top. I decided to write older Hartbreak and this was the result! I hope both her and you guys like it. I certainly had fun typing this out. 😜 It's mostly Bret telling Shawn to STFU.

I used the prompt: "do right people with wrong timing get a second chance?" from nightprompts. I really liked it and was going to use it for another fic I have in the works, but it ended up here. 😏

Tysm for reading as always! 💕

Fuck, he was too old for this shit. Bar fights were a younger man’s game. He wasn’t twenty something anymore. Shawn had taken his fair share of beatings inside and outside of the ring, but he couldn’t afford to take risks these days. Two guys had gotten into a heated argument and in a millisecond the first fist was thrown. In Shawn’s infinite wisdom, he thought he could break it up. Now he was left rummaging around his kitchen trying to locate bandages, an ice pack, and quite possibly another beer. He opened one of the drawers and felt around, pushing various junk aside. “Oh for Christ sake.” he muttered. Unexpectedly his cell rang. “Yeah?” he answered without a glance at the screen to see who was calling.

“Did you forget?” the voice on the other end asked. Shawn stopped shuffling through the drawer, squinting at the nearby calendar. “What?” He hadn’t a clue what he was supposed to do tonight. It was likely the blow to his head earlier. “Dammit Shawn, I waited for your skinny ass.” he barked through the phone. “Oh shit. Was that today?” he said, squeezing his eyes shut. “You’re the one who asked to meet Shawn. Are you home? I’m outside.” Shawn looked toward his front door, “You are? Um, okay yeah. I’ll be right there.” He hung up, abandoning his search for the bandaids. He walked to the door, smoothing his disheveled clothes and hair. He had no idea the current state of his appearance, but it would have to do.

He opened the door where Bret stood at the bottom of the steps, clearly irritated. “What the hell happened to you?” he asked, pocketing his own phone. “Heh, you should see the other guy.” he laughed, trying to play it cool. He hadn’t seen or talked to Bret much in the last few years. He wanted more than anything to be on good terms again and this was his chance to maybe repair the damage. Bret still had that same swagger and ruggedly handsome face. His hair had begun to show silver, but he managed to keep it long. “Oh don’t give me that. What really happened Shawn?” he demanded. “Alright, alright why don’t you start by coming in.” Shawn stood to the side of the doorway, motioning for Bret to enter.

Shawn led Bret to the kitchen, “I was trying to find something to patch myself up with and a nice cold beverage. Do you want one?” he asked, opening the fridge. “Sure.” Bret said, taking the offered beer. Shawn popped the caps off their drinks before hopping up to sit on his counter. He took a long swig of his beer, “How have you been Hitman?”. Bret stared at him puzzled. “Aren’t you a little old to be doing that?” he pointed. Shawn scanned his surroundings, “Doing what?” knowing exactly what Bret was referring to and began kicking his legs back and forth. “Jesus.” Bret muttered before taking a sip of his drink. “Don’t you want to take care of your face first?” he asked. “I can’t find the damn first aid kit.” he groaned. Bret wandered out of the kitchen, “Where’s the bathroom you idiot?” Bret said, setting down his beer and already starting down the hallway. “First door on your left.” Shawn shouted.

After a few minutes, Bret came back toting his first aid kit. “Most people keep these in their bathroom.” he stated. Shawn rolled his eyes. Bret placed the kit beside Shawn, opening it up. He surveyed Shawn’s face, taking in every cut and scrape. “Whoever did this sure banged you up.” he observed. “So what really happened?” Bret began taking out various supplies. Shawn watched as Bret meticulously sorted out different ointments and materials. “Well, not much to tell. Two dumb guys got into it and I tried to break it up.” Shawn shrugged. “To tell you the truth, I kinda forgot my age.” he smirked. Bret didn’t meet his gaze, but chuckled as he ripped open a packet of gauze and q-tips.

He poured some disinfectant on a gauze piece and moved into the space between Shawn’s legs. Shawn shifted nervously at the sudden proximity. Bret started at Shawn’s eyebrow, wiping gently at the open wound. Shawn sucked in his breath at the slight sting. “Sorry.” Bret said before moving down to his cheek. Shawn tried his best not to make eye contact as he helped to clean him up. How long had it been since he experienced a friendly touch from The Hitman? Bret then dabbed cautiously at Shawn’s split lip. When did it get so hot in here? Something in his stomach fluttered. It was a feeling he hadn’t remembered until now.

Bret threw the gauze into the trash bin and picked up a q-tip. He coated the q-tip with some of the ointment he had procured and delicately spread it across the cut on his eyebrow. He then carefully positioned a small bandaid over the cut before moving on to do the same to his battered cheek. “Ouch.” Shawn winced. He was definitely going to be sore tomorrow. “It’s already beginning to bruise, you got a plastic bag?” Bret asked as he opened the freezer door, pulling out an ice tray. “Yeah, bottom drawer.” Shawn replied, gesturing with his chin in the direction of the drawer. Bret filled the plastic baggie with ice and tied the end off to secure it. Shawn extended a hand to take it, but Bret was already back in his space to lightly press the cool plastic to the skin of his cheek.

Shawn tensed, his eyes meeting Bret’s. He wanted to say something witty or maybe just an asinine joke, but he was drawing a blank. Bret always had such an intense stare, but tonight he could see something soften in his eyes. “Feel okay?” Bret asked. Did he feel okay? Hell no. His face throbbed like a son of a bitch and for some reason Bret Hart was situated between his thighs icing his boo-boos. What the fuck was Bret doing here again? Shawn took in a deep breath, “Um, yeah, yeah I feel fine.” he answered, taking hold of the ice pack. Bret placed his fingers beneath Shawn’s chin, tilting his face upward to take one last observation. “Yep, you’re gonna be fine Michaels.” he decided confidently. “Thanks Doctor Hart.” Shawn teased. “Shut the fuck up.” Bret countered, unable to stop the grin spreading across his face.

For a minute they giggled like two kids, forgetting they barely tolerated each other. Bret composed himself first, his eyes falling to Shawn’s mouth. His hand was still under Shawn’s chin, his thumb tenderly caressing the split on his lower lip. Shawn felt his chest tighten and heartbeat quicken. The fluttering in his stomach returned with full force. There were times during their careers where Shawn felt similar knots in his heart toward Bret. These moments were triggered by a passing glance, a handshake, a hug after winning a tag match, and even during their most heated segments.

Shawn dropped the ice pack to the floor as he threw his arms around Bret, dragging him roughly into a kiss. The plastic bag unfurled, ice cubes scattering around the kitchen floor. Shawn’s lip stung as their mouths clashed together. Bret’s hands braced against the edge of the countertop in response to Shawn’s sudden advance. Shawn was entirely prepared for Bret to pull away and dismiss him altogether, instead Bret’s hands found their way to his waist and kissed him back with just as much enthusiasm. Shawn gasped as the slit on his bottom lip reopened, tasting beer mixed with the metallic flavor of his blood. “Sorry.” Bret mumbled against Shawn’s mouth.

Bret moved his hands down to grip Shawn’s thighs, tugging his body closer to ease him off the counter. Shawn held onto his shoulders as he slid off the countertop, pressing in closer to Bret. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting this.” Shawn confessed as he tried to catch his breath between kisses. Bret pressed his forehead to Shawn’s, “Shit, me too. What the fuck?” he asked before meeting his lips again. Neither of them wanted to waste time and began to lower themselves to the kitchen floor. It wasn’t graceful by any means, Bret had a bad knee and Shawn’s back was basically shot. Bret fumbled backwards in order to catch Shawn before they both crashed onto the hard floor. Shawn struggled on top of Bret, straddling him to regain his composure. He leaned forward to bury his face in Bret’s chest, attempting to muffle the cackle threatening to escape.

Bret covered his own mouth as he tried his best not to completely lose it. “So the thing about our age…” he said. “Old fucks.” Shawn laughed into the fabric of Bret’s shirt. He rose up, to look at his long time rival. “I think I forgot why I called you here.” Bret’s hands returned to Shawn’s thighs, his thumbs lightly rubbing at his jeans. “You forgot, period.” he said, reminding him. Shawn really didn’t want to talk now that he had The Excellence of Execution under him, kissing him was much more ideal. He took a risk, kissing Bret’s forehead before running his lips down to the side of his neck. He felt Bret softly grip at his ponytail. Bret’s eyes closed, relaxing as Shawn sucked at the exposed skin of his throat.

How much time had they wasted being angry with each other when they could have been making out on a kitchen floor instead? Shawn moved back to Bret’s lips which parted slightly allowing his tongue to slip inside. He let his mind wander to when they were both at the height of their careers, Bret wearing his pink singlet and black tights. Tanned skin glistening with sweat after a match, the water in his hair drying and beginning to fluff wildly around his head. God damn he was sexy and at almost sixty years, he still was. He could feel his erection already straining his jeans, his hips grinding into Bret. Bret’s hands had roamed to cup at his ass, following the rhythm of Shawn rocking on top of him. Shawn grabbed at his hands, forcing them off him and pinning them above Bret’s head.

Bret didn’t seem to mind his taking control. In fact he appeared to welcome it, Bret’s own hard on trying to gain some friction against him. Shawn reached between them, undoing Bret’s belt and pants with practiced fingers. He wriggled his hand deftly inside, grasping Bret’s slick cock. Bret moaned into Shawn’s mouth at the touch. He kept one hand steady on Bret’s wrists, securing them above his head. “That’s it Hitman, that’s it.” Shawn coaxed, breaking apart from Bret’s lips. He stroked Bret briskly, low whines emitting from him. Shawn kissed Bret’s cheek before nuzzling into the crook of his neck. Bret tilted his head back, his hips rutting madly into Shawn’s palm. He lasted only a few seconds before he released a mangled cry as he came.

“Still so sensitive at this age, huh?” Shawn mewed, kissing Bret's ear and letting go of his wrists. Bret covered his flushed face with one hand, “Oh shut the fuck up Michaels.” he said, breaking into a smile. Shawn brought their mouths together again and Bret wrapped his arms around Shawn’s neck, deepening the kiss. Eventually they lost track of just how long they had spent rolling around on the floor playing tonsil tennis. Reluctantly they had managed to tear themselves away from each other and sat with their backs to the kitchen cupboards. Bret reached up to the counter and grabbed his now lukewarm beer, taking a long gulp. “I was not expecting that. Hell, I almost didn’t come.” he said. Shawn raised his eyebrows, “I beg to differ.” he snorted. “Once again, shut the fuck up Michaels.” Bret grinned.

They sat side by side, quietly finishing the rest of their beers. Shawn didn’t know where to begin. He wanted so badly to apologize for everything and anything, even stuff he wasn’t guilty of. “I’ve missed you.” he blurted instead. Bret set his now empty beer bottle down, glancing at Shawn. “Honestly…me too,” he admitted. Shawn felt his cheeks redden. He envisioned their reunion countless times, but he truly hadn’t anticipated Bret had missed him, not even a little bit. Shawn had always been reaching for Bret’s validation, but it always slipped through his fingers. “I never meant to push you away, but a part of me- a big part of me doesn’t regret a single thing. I also know in the last 12 years, a lot has changed. We’ve changed.” he said. Bret sighed heavily, nodding his head in agreement.

“We don’t need a lengthy drawn out conversation Bret. I know you want to bury the hatchet as much as I do.” Shawn said. He extended a hand out to Bret, waiting for a handshake. “Are you ready?” he asked. Bret appeared hesitant, but only for a second before joining their hands together. “Okay Shawn…okay.” Bret said. “Consider this matter closed, no takesies backsies.” Shawn said gleefully, dropping Bret’s hand. “You can’t be serious for a fucking minute can you?” Bret sneered, leaning over to shove his shoulder into Shawn’s. They remained seated on the kitchen floor cracking up all over again. “Stay in touch will ya?” Shawn said, tapping Bret’s shoe with his own. “I will.” Bret said.

They were both silent as Shawn walked Bret to the front door. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye, but knew he had to go. This was possibly the beginning of something new. It was also entirely likely they wouldn’t see each other again after tonight, maybe a call here and there. It happened all the time. Shawn opened the door, the cool air wafting inside. “Thanks again…for this…” he said, motioning to his face. “Yeah, no problem.” Bret said, bringing his hand up to faintly run his thumb along the cut on Shawn’s bottom lip again. “Take care of yourself.” Bret turned to go, hastily stepping out into the night. Shawn watched as Bret took off, that pesky pull in his chest emerging once more.

He closed the door gently and wondered if the right people with the wrong timing got a second chance.

[asoulwithadream]

EXCLUSIVE FALL PREVIEWS

Mates. LADS. BRETHEREN.

I think I'm going to die now. AAAAAAAAAAAAH—

BUT OF COURSE WHAT WOULD BE THE SENSE OF MY EXISTENCE IF I DIDN'T SHARE MY OWN PERSONAL THOUGHTS ON THESE BEAUTIFUL THINGS BEFORE THE MEDICINE KICKS IN.

The Crew — I think this is where they see LUCIUS!!!! I'm so very convinced this is where they meet Lucius. As we can see, they're all in the same clothing as the Vanity Fair first looks, where Black Pete is visibly overjoyed. But can't you see that he is missing from this shot? Probably snogging Lucius' face off or hugging him or doing something as such.

Lucius probably popped around the corner in the Vanity Fair one, and now they're sharing an intimate moment (keeping it PG) on deck while the rest of the happy crew watches on (as visible from Roach's, Oluwande's, and Wee John's faces). Of course, Buttons has no interest in human adoration, and instead looks on towards his own lover, the sea.

Stede is looking quite perplexed, or maybe contemplatively—perhaps as a result of Lucius telling Stede what happened to him. He doesn't look directly all that happy, does he?

(OMG OMG OMG WHY DO THEY ALL LOOK SO HAPPY EXCEPT STEDE BUT OLU YOU DEAREST MAN AND THEY'RE LOOKING SNAZZY AND I LOVE THEIR SOCKS I'M AHHAHASIJDHKAE)

Stede — That's the floor of the Revenge guys. I know it well since the last time Stede was pushed onto it. (Solidarity for the harm that the foot touch caused in these trying times) He is wearing what looks to be ye olde fencing gloves, and this means that was just handling a sword. (Though, he could have been using the cannons; we all know Stede would probably confuse fencing gloves for heavy artillery)

There are a few scenarios I can find at the top of my head: he's either training with Izzy (though would that explain his terrified expression? maybe)—we also see the lack of the red ribbon, which I think he removed when he teams up with Izzy, for whatever reason—or he's been duelling with someone else, someone who is extremely better at swordsmanship, someone we know to have been excellent at both maiming and receiving stab wounds. Has he been fighting with Edward?

I think it's the former, but who knows? The best part of theorising is being wrong, after all. I guess we can just gang up and say "calm down mr wavey blade" to whoever is behind this. Plus, do I see traced of some fuzz on his chin? Confirmed baby steard, guys???

(He's such an ICON I WANT TO BREATHE HIS HAIR AND SEE IT BEHIND MY EYELIDS. In the wise words of Rhys Darby, "I wish I had his hair". BUT LIKE HONESTLY WHAT'S GOING ON HERE WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE HE'S SEEN A GHOST)

Frenchie and Ed — This has me on actual alarm bells mode. I can't tell whether or not this is Blackbeard or post-Blackbeard era—he's not wearing any dark chunky make-up, and has his hair up in his classic, beautiful half-up half-down, and we finally get a more close-up and clear shot of his earring, which we first spotted from the Vanity Fair first looks?

A detail I spotted for Frenchie's new goth uniform, which he is still wearing in this shot (further confusing me on the timeline of this image)—I think that his jacket is the very same from the "The Best Revenge Is Dressing Well" episode, which is so incredibly sweet and a beautiful little detail to connect back to season 1. I'd like to think he customised it himself, since we know Frenchie can "sew like the wind."

That's also still the Revenge, in fact the very spot where Lucius was about to get his finger cut off in "The Art of F**kery". But what intent Ed has with this confrontation with Frenchie, who seemingly looks like perhaps he wasn't even doing anything wrong, escapes the depth of my theoretical mind. What contributes even less to this is that Ed is smiling? Rather maniacal, might I add.

(WHAT. THE. FUCK. help me why is this happening. I LIKE AM SO ANGRY AND SO HAPPY AT THE SAME TIME THAT I CAN'T FIGURE ANYTHING OUT FROM THIS PICTURE. NOT EVEN WHAT STAGE OF GRIEF ED IS IN. HELP ME)

Edward — That chair looks like it's from Stede's room, from one of the desk-like tables in the corner next to his bed, and perhaps even the only chair which Ed kept in the room after his rather ill-tasted renovations. What's he doing there without his make-up on? Perhaps this is still during the early stages of new Blackbeard, and he's just in the transit period between washing and re-application.

BUT, if we look at the background, does that look like the Revenge? Not really... There is what seems like a fireplace or some sort of stone plate in the background, with a painting on it with a man on the left side of the composition, who seemingly looks to have lighter coloured hair. So what I may be thinking, is that Edward is visiting MARY ALLAMBY! The painting in the background may be the one from Stede and Mary's wedding, and Mary might have kept it as memorabilia in ode of her now good friend. (Stede is on the left in that painting). Plus, where else would Stede get his furniture and taste for his bedroom than his own former house, which Mary currently lives at?

Even though I think David Jenkins said that Mary wouldn't be present in the season, do I believe him? No. I think I have the right for me to be delusional without external interference at this point.

(Please let me be right please let me be right I NEED A MARY / ED INTERACTION AT SOME POINT TO HEAL MY HEART. I need Mary to realise that fucking Blackbeard is the Ed that Stede was talking about, I NEED ED TO THINK THAT STEDE DIED, FOR EVEN A MOMENT. I think my brain has stopped receiving oxygen.)

Send hopes and prayers

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2024: #36

36. FINLAND Windows95Man - "No Rules!" 19th place

Decade ranking: 143/153 [Above Nadir, below Let3]

Okay so, I promised in Saturday's post that I would try to be positive, but I may already have to rescind on that promise lol. (the "lol" is for punctuation because I definitely did not laugh.) "No rules!" stinks and has very few redeeming qualities. 🙂 Natalia was right, she WAS robbed by a Nudist Demon!

For real, does anyone over the age of twenty-five enjoy this dumpster fire? If so, fukk meee. LOVE YOURSELVES.

As I noted in my UMK review back in Feb:

I have difficulty buying into this hyperactive ball of bad taste. “Fuck The System” always feels like the go-to message of individuals that fail to fit into social structures that aren’t fully of their own shaping. For an entry that’s all “live as you like, there’s no rules!” in its messaging, these two look like they conform to just about every styling and behavioural rule associated with Zoomer culture: A total disregard for general aesthetics over a dumbed-down drone of a beat because everything is ironic and nothing is to be taken seriously.  It is a depressing take on life. Yeah sure, a bit of camp levity is welcome in this loathesome world, but any happy song that weaponizes irony like this one trends towards encouraging irresponsibility, cynicism and nihilism. Some things DO matter in life, you know? You need to afford your bills and groceries, charge your social batteries, cultivate your friendships, or else you’ll wind up living alone in a van, down by the river. But if the latter life appeals to you, then this is the entry for you, I guess. For me though; this contest is already has one Joost Klein. Let’s not add a second one from Finland.

Funny how I nailed that even before knowing the full extent of it. I ofc vastly underestimated how bad the live would be, and as soon as I'd seen it my scepsis immediately supernova'd into intense HATRED. If ONLY "Paskana" hadn't been weak as piss. Yes, the cringe in "No Rules!" is deliberate, obviously, I have a sense of humour. Having a sense of humour is why I hate it? How much "deliberated cringe" can one tolerate before concluding "nope, this is r o t t e n." Does it start with

THE BAD GUNTER IMPRESSION?

or

THE DONALD DUCKING?

or

CALLING HIMSELF" A QUEEN"?

or

screaming "SEE ME SLAYYYY" :proceeds to not slay: ?

It definitely ends in whatever this shot is supposed to be.

Humour is subjective sure enough, and Windowsninetycringeman's jokes fall flatter than a pancake á moi. Why is everything denim? Why is this THIRTY-NINE YEAR OLD MAN still engaging in toilet humour and internet speak? Grow the f up? The art lies in the execution and Finland showed neither. I do NOT like Europapa much, but having Finland and not Netherlands in the final vibes wrong on so many levels. Europapa at least had a clear plan and delivered its nonsense in contained, piecemeal doses? It was COMPETENT in what it attempted to be (A Televote Winner), not a lazy amalgation of simple-minded drunk jokes strung together over a Planet of The Bass megamix as some sort of a Hail Mary. Joost and Teemu represent the Expectations/Reality divide of Zoomer Nonsense and it was darksided that only the latter got to compete for points. But on top of that, Teemu was generally just full of shit? Hooray, an Old Millennial engaging in Zoomer Cringe who lets an actual zoomer do all the vocal heavy lifting, without giving him a single featuring credit. Yay! It's a painfully accurate depiction of what being a zoomer is like, but not an intentional one.

Also remember when Teemu said he would "try to discreetly approach the other contestants to find ways to show support for Palestine" (remember that this contest was supposed to be 'not political'?) Hm yes discreet. So discreet he declared his intentions to interviewers so that everyone would know it was HIS idea. "Discreet", human please. And the result of all that talk was...

(lol I'm SO making it sound like I care about what political standpoints any of these acts took, and I don't. But I do call out a fraud when I spot one.)

Yeah well thanks for trying, but I'd rather you hadn't. A statement you can apply to my feelings of the entry overall. Okay, we've reached full circle, time to move on to our designated palate cleanser because THIS page is a safe zone for people of good taste.

The universe where YLE overrules the results and sends THEM to ESC is the one where we head to Helsinki twice in a row.

THE RANKING

[erraticalart]

Heavy and Medic Switch

Basically, how I view Heavy and Medic’s intimate relationship in a nutshell.

This was sort of based on a post that I heavenly agreed on but I also wanted to put my two cents in here. This is gonna be a long post about my journey with this couple.

https://www.tumblr.com/the-sound-of-progress/719703522999959552/i-just-wanna-say-youre-completely-changing-the?source=share

Let me explain: 

There has been a silly little debate about what activities Heavy and Medic do behind closed doors, especially their roles/positions. 

On one hand, there’s Team Heavy: he’s big, strong, and intimidating. He can rock your world (as well as your bed). On the other hand, there’s Team Medic: he’s professional, insane, and sadistic. He can take your breath away (as well as your virginity). 

Team Heavy has been there since the very beginning since he’s viewed and portrayed as the more “masculine” and “dominating” man. He may know a thing or two about sex (or not since Heavy spent most of his life in the Gulag, idk). 

Throughout the years, Team Medic has been sprinkled in from time to time since he may have more experience in this field (or not since he may be focused on his experiments, idk). He’s got a few tricks up his sleeves and may be skilled with techniques. 

Anyways, I’ve seen and heard from both sides, so I’ll tell you a thing or two from my experience.

When I first got into TF2 and was interested in HeavyMedic, I assumed that Heavy was like the oldest merc just because of his voice, height, and strength. (I’m stupid to think that’s what it means to be old and how they should be.) I was then wrong to find out that it may be either Spy or Medic (idk which tho). But I thought that it was a pretty interesting dynamic to have a serious, tall younger man and a crazy, shorter older man in a relationship and I think that’s pretty cute. 

Now when it came to same-sex relationships in smut art or fanfics, most people prefer the older masculine man to top since it’s more hotter, I guess. Back then, I enjoyed it but whenever I see or read a fanfic where it’s the opposite, I love it even more and I wasn’t sure why. Is it because the dominant one gets a taste of his own medicine or is it because I enjoy the reactions he gives or even both? I thought it was because the younger one finally gets to have a go at it. And ever since then, I clinged on to it and preferred it even more than the norm or majority.

And like I said, when I got into HeavyMedic, I was Team Medic, because I thought that Heavy is older and I wanted Medic to top (until I realized I was stupid). Ok, Heavy is younger and topping Medic so that means I enjoy it, right? Well... yes and no. Yes, because it was interesting to read and I enjoyed reading it, and no, because... well... I hate to say this but... 

It just gets repetitive.

I then ask myself, “What’s wrong? Why don’t I enjoy it as much as I used to anymore?” Is it because Heavy is bigger? Stronger? More masculine? Just what is it? Or is it because Medic is my main and my favorite character (Heavy’s my second favorite character, btw so aww) and I want him to have a piece of Heavy’s cake for once? Or maybe I’m just biased, I guess, idk. That could be the case until I read some fanfics that contains Medic and another person (let’s say Engie since I like the pairing tho not as much as HeavyMedic) and I noticed something different. Sometimes Medic tops and sometimes he bottoms (tho it depends on the person he’s paired with so results may vary). Now tbh, I never read a fanfic where someone else is paired with Heavy since I didn’t know who else was perfect for him so please prove me wrong when I say this but...

What are the chances/percentages that Heavy bottoms?

Most of the time, it’s pretty rare and look, I get it, I completely understand. He’s an impressive specimen. Who wouldn’t want Heavy to fuck them? Hell, I would too, tbh. But see that’s the thing. We all want Heavy to do something for us but we never considered doing something for him.

I read some Bottom Heavy fanfics where Heavy even expresses this issue and I sympathized with him for it. So whenever Medic (in this case) is there for him and does the deed, it leaves me in a good mood. And because of that, I was Team Medic (also like I said before, I just want to see Heavy’s reactions and eat it up as much as possible and, well, Medic is hot when he’s dominating him). Also, “Heavy and Medic Get It On” is an old-time classic and I love it.

Also, just because Medic is shorter or less muscular, that doesn’t mean that he should be portrayed as the more weaker or submissive one. The same goes for Heavy, just because Heavy is taller and more muscular, that doesn’t mean that he should be portrayed as the more stronger or dominant one. Let them both have a fair share of fun.

I then realized that a majority of my favorite HeavyMedic smut fics were Bottom Heavy based and again I ask myself, “Why do I enjoy it more than the majority of fanfics? Just what is it?” Until I realized something, I put all the pieces together. “Dominant one bottoming” “Majority” “Repetitive” “Chance/Percentages of bottoming” I soon came to this conclusion.

The reason I love Bottom Heavy so much is because it stands out more than other smut fanfics.

It just made so much sense to me now. And not just Heavy but other fanfics where the top bottoms. It was a breath of fresh air for me. And I don’t want to diss top Heavy but as I said before, it just gets repetitive to the point where that’s the norm and it gets a little boring. When I read it, I know what’s coming up so I know what to expect from it. So when I read one where Heavy bottoms all of a sudden, it just catches me off guard, leaving me surprised and yet impressed by it. And it leaves me wanting more.

And like I said before, I like Top Medic since it’s nice for a change and while there have been Top Medic fics sprinkled throughout the years I noticed that it’s slowly increasing in popularity and I’m happy that other people seem to like it as well.

However, just because I would love to see an increase of Top Medic fics, that doesn’t mean that I want Top Heavy to stop, slow, or die out. I’m not saying I hate it, don’t get it the wrong way or anything. I still love Top Heavy and I love how they interact especially their reactions (mostly Medic’s). I just want Medic to get a piece of that action, y’know? He may be old but that doesn’t mean he has no spark of energy in him anymore. He could become a beast if he wanted to. Let the old man have a go at it.

Also, because it’s just a silly little debate, I don’t want people to fight over who tops and who bottoms. That’s the last thing I want to cause. Besides, there are people who don’t like reading smut fics with them in it and that’s also fine. Not everything needs to be related to sex in a relationship especially theirs. It’s called having a normal life and enjoying it. I love reading fluff fics where there’s a strangers-to-friends, slow burn, friends-to-lovers, confession, dating, one bed/ sharing a bed, acting like a couple, being a couple, marriage proposal, wedding, couple life with or without a kid, and sadly even death/afterlife whether it takes place during or after the Gravel Wars. And of course, I LOVE reading stories where Heavy and Medic are just chatting and laughing in the infirmary during surgery (with Archimedes there, of course). This post is just focusing on when they’re in the bedroom. We are all different people with different headcanons. You got yours, I got mines. I don’t have to agree with yours and you don’t have to agree with mines. Alright? But I found out a little solution that may or may not solve this little problem and it’s much rarer than Top Medic/Bottom Heavy (just know that this isn’t the ultimate solution, but rather a small suggestion).

Switch/Versatile

What is this and what does this mean? Please correct me if I’m wrong or make a mistake. These two words may mean the same thing but just like how top/bottom and dominant/submissive compare, it’s different. Switch means you can either be dominant or submissive depending on the mood and versatile means you like to top and bottom. Most of the time when I forget, I just simplify both to switch to make it easy to understand.

I’ve read at least 3 smut fanfics where Heavy and Medic tend to switch roles and positions in the same chapter or story and tbh, I really liked them. Not as much as Top Medic but I really enjoyed reading them and just like Bottom Heavy it was a breath of fresh air, became some of my favorite HeavyMedic smut fics, and I would love to see an increase of it too.

Let’s wrap things up now. 

At the end of the day, if you were to ask me which team I’d prefer, I’d still say Team Medic, BUT I’m starting to lean more towards HeavyMedic switches. This is a copy-paste to when I replied to a random HeavyMedic post, but here’s why I love it.

“I see Heavy and Medic as good 'ol switches since they see each other as equal whether on or off the battlefield. HeavyMedic switches are also very rare in smut fics. In the beginning, Heavy says, "Get behind me, Doktor!" and ever since MvM, Medic also says, "Get behind me!" They fight together, help each other, heal each other, and make each other laugh so technically they should also please each other in bed.”

Also, it’s fun to read about what kind of whacky adventures they do together. They are both different beings who do different jobs and hobbies. One’s a heavy-lifter and one’s a doctor. Think of the many kinds of possibilities they could do to each other depending on the variety of settings to have full-on make-out sessions. It’s fun to get creative.

Technically if you really want to think about it, which team am I in?

Well, it’s a lovely, beautiful, sweet, short, simple answer that really means a lot to me that really brings it all together in the end.

I’m Team HeavyMedic.

Thank you for reading if you’ve made it this far in the end. I didn’t think I would write this much so I apologize if this post is long. If there’s anything you need to say like an opinion or statement, make sure to reply down below. Just remember to not start a fight, please. We all have different opinions. 

Also, while we’re at it, someone once asked me if I have any Bottom Heavy fanfic suggestions and I in fact do! But it’s gonna take me a while to make a list of it and there are probably some fics that I missed so it would really mean a lot to me if you can help me by linking suggestions. It doesn’t have to be just Bottom Heavy, you can also include HeavyMedic switches. (Also, if you’re an author or writer, you can tag top/bottom/switches Heavy/Medic so some people can read based on what they want to see since people have different headcanons, but you also don’t have to so you can surprise the readers and I quite like the idea of it, but of course the choice is yours). And the links can be from any fanfic site. I found most on AO3 (I may have missed some so please help me) and I recently found some here on Tumblr so the possibilities are endless. Once I have everything I need, I’ll post it and I’ll probably pin it for some time. If I miss anything, be sure to message me or reply so that I can update the list.

That’s all I have to say. Thank you and goodbye!

[lemonmoxy]

Ok just to preface this. I am not a fan of AI. For labor reasons, for quality reasons, for the selfish reason of when I’m looking for art I don’t want it clogged down with just objectively bad art (like the hands are fucked up and extra feet).

I do think the primary problem isn’t AI itself but unregulated capitalism that doesn’t care about quality, only lowering costs and the lack of safety nets for people who are ejected to cut costs. It’s bad that the companies do that. It’s bad that there are no safety nets. The problem isn’t really AI BUT until we fix those problems we should regulate the thing directly causing harm.

But some of you anti-AI people have lost your fucking minds.

So. A lot of you are crying about stolen commissions. I promise you, most of the people using AI to generate pictures of their OCs were never going to pay you. They cannot afford to pay you. Or that’s a luxury expense that just isn’t going to happen. I am paycheck to paycheck and I’m never going to spend a whole video game’s worth of money on a picture of my little goblin. Your art IS worth that much, I promise you, I’m not telling you to lower your rates. But I do not have that kind of money for that sort of indulgence. I’m sorry but you peddle luxury, there’s a reason why we had art patrons back in the day.

Some of my friends use AI for their OCs for table top games. I don’t. Because honestly sitting there fucking with it sounds tedious and frustrating to me and the results are always mid at best. But y’all also get mad about people “taking” your art to use for their OCs and maybe editing it to fit the character they have in mind. Which is WILD. I’ll agree, people who do that shouldn’t post it, but if you’re so mad at what people are doing in the privacy of their non published casual dnd sessions, maybe chill the fuck out? Being you sounds exhausting. I also see some of you get mad at people tagging things as inspiration. So what? You want people to pay the poor tax of using piccrew? Even though the results are samey and kinda bad? Idk y’all just are tripping on something.

I’m starting to wonder just what people think inspiration and brainstorming are. People have been pretending to be baffled about why people might use AI to brainstorm. “Use your own brain”. What the fuck do you think brainstorming is? You do not brainstorm by sitting in your room thinking. I mean maybe YOU do. But like you get inspiration from the world around you guys, be for real. A conversation you overheard. An outfit you saw at a crosswalk. The set of the brow of someone on your bus route. A funny post you saw on tumblr. A generative AI like chat GPT is taking things found online and showing them to you. Unless you’re uncritically using it to write a story (and if so that’s bad. Lack of effort and a bad product is bad obviously) you ARE using your brain. We draw inspiration from the world around us, just like the AI does. I know it sucks to feel unoriginal but you just are, sorry. That’s not bad even if it might feel like it. It just is. Even if you sit in a little box and don’t look at the world while you think, you’re thinking about the things you’ve seen and reconfiguring them. Sorry to be the one to break it to you?

Also, you know what chatGPT is good for? Anything an intern could do. You wanna organize your schedule? It’s good at that. You want a grocery list? It’s good at that. You want a menu based of what you got? It’s good at that. Not perfect. Don’t fucking trust a machine without quality checking it, we know that, you guys know that, corporations know that too they just don’t CARE. I don’t know why they’re pretending not to know, money, I don’t know why you guys started pretending.

I saw someone complaining like an old person about spell check and grammar check and how their kid didn’t know that it could be wrong. A ten year old. As if that isn’t normal and explaining to kids how the world works is dystopian. Nah man it’s not a mystery why the kid who still has spelling tests as a part of their everyday school lesions might not know that machines are fallible yet. Probably just how he hasn’t quite learned that adults are idiots too. This person was acting like spell check was some moral sin, some hallmark of the end. Ok grandpa, do you think we should give up the pencil too because writing things down is rotting our brains?

Just like writing things down isn’t an evil action of destroying your memory. I really do not see the difference between me googling for recipes with my ingredients and chatGPT doing it for me. Frankly I’m just as likely to forget I don’t have coriander. But it takes longer for me to do it and sucks.

[sinister-faye]

The new years resolution update.

Gonna keep this one smaller.

But I had another mental barrier pop up recently. And this one was the hardest one yet.

It turns out that most of my projects were a form of dissociation. Before recently, I only thought of disassociation as going numb. Or merely zoning out. But I never thought of it as a positive thing.

Like my plans all pretty much looked like:

Step 1: come up with a framework, or rough draft.

Step 2: I'll figure it out later. But it will probably be cool with 0 friction or obstacles.

Step 3: accept awards and accolades. And get a billion dollars.

When life got tough I would then use these blogs, the writing of lore™️, or the daydreaming about success act as a form of self regulation.

And holy shit life has been tough. There is a graveyard of like 16 projects from 2023. All decent ideas. But, no plans to deal with failure. No plans to deal with time limitations. No plans for any kind of struggle, or lack of knowledge.

During an awful time in my life I learned to daydream. A LOT. During my 2 year disassociation nightmare called a Mormon mission I learned how to make plans. But my current life sucked so fucking bad, that I couldn't let any amount of negativity into my little dream space. Including little pieces of friction like: lack of knowledge, or experience get in the way of my shiny dream that would save me from a life of drudgery. Anything that did not resemble that life.

So that mode and mindset stuck with me.

There didn't need to be a plan beyond wild success and awesome art. It really just needed to help me get through a struggle. But once I was getting started on something, if there was any friction, suddenly I needed to switch to something else. As the excitement and soothing feelings of project A would end. I would need project B to give me the emotional boost that I craved.

So I was self regulating my stress with daydreaming. While also somehow expecting those daydreams to come true. While on top of that all, feeling deep feelings of guilt for never completing something prior.

It was not healthy.

It still isn't.

I'm learning how to regulate my stress and recognize what I'm calling "daydream disassociation".

It sounds so basic but I'm lying out a roadmap. Then I'm laying in a course to point myself towards those goals. Charting where I am in skill level now, towards where I want to be.

My goals need to do the following:

- Have steps that I can work towards in the next 24 hours. Additional steps should be added once they are known. 48 hour and 72 hour goals really help hone a direction to work.

- include sacrifices or stress points as part of the plan, or accommodate for the possibility of stress points.

Example:

I want to exercise and get sexy. But I don't know that much about working out certain muscle groups.

I know that I will be sore, and tired, changing my diet and this will take up an hour of my already busy day.

Goals for 24 hours: look up fitness guides for beginners

Goals for 48 hours begin those exercises and take steps to study and improve nutrition.

No just envisioning myself on a beach, I need to think about what those workouts look like, how I will feel during and after, pain included, I will more than likely follow through with all of this.

And then if I do catch myself daydreaming about results I reassure myself that this is merely a dream, and the reality will be harder but worthwhile.

So if you read all this nonsense and wonder why I'm always writing as if I am a current indie dev darling who is mere weeks away from launching a product. It's because I believed it. But I didn't want to fight for it. But now I do.

The old blogs will remain up. To document this journey of self hype and dreaming.

The next post will be deliberate. And showcasing why you should follow me. As opposed to dropping vague hints hoping to entice you with something that is as substantial as a dream I once had.

If you have read any of my other posts. Thank you for following along with my creative journey. I'm going to build this journey on a solid foundation. Not on dreams and hopes.

Thank you.

[witchern]

this is random but I just got access to a new library with a lot of books so... book rec? 👉👈

asdkjfhsa anon this is my FAVORITE kind of ask, let's go!!!

idk if you're looking for a specific genre so i'll try and spread the recs wide:

"dead silence" by s.a. barnes. horror/sci-fi. i heard this one pitched as 'titanic meets the shining but in space' and it's 100% on point. weird, creepy as hell, plus a really good mystery at the core of the story. i would die for our main girl claire kovalik.

"babel" by r.f. kuang. historical fantasy. also a new addition to my top 5 personal faves tbh. 19th century fantasy england + colonial resistance + student revolutions + language and translation as acts of rebellion = a mixture i needed injected into my veins like yesterday. be warned that it's a slow read, but if that doesn't bother you then the payoff is *chef's kiss*

"unmask alice" by rick emerson. non-fiction, about the real people and real story behind the infamous 'go ask alice' young adult series, and how their lives were exploited and ruined as a result. fuck beatrice sparks forever. may that old bitch rot in her grave.

"peter darling" by austin chant. fantasy. a trans retelling of peter pan. short but fantastic and VERY underrated. honestly this one stuck with me over the years (i think i cried when i first read it lmao). the book was out of print for a while but it was just repackaged and rereleased and the new paperback versions are so cute and small <33

"the art of prophecy" by wesley chu. fantasy. basically takes the 'chosen one' trope and says 'but what if the chosen one was a useless fucking brat and his older female mentor was the actual badass in all of this?' throw in a war, an assassin group, and worldbuilding dominated by asian influences and martial arts. i love this sucker.

"jade city" by fonda lee. sci-fi/fantasy. if 'the godfather' had magic and kung-fu, you'd have this book. it's also the first in a finished trilogy!

"house of hollow" by krystal sutherland. young adult fantasy/horror. i don't even know how to describe this one?? it's weird and dark, about 3 sisters who briefly went missing when they were kids and none of them remember any of it, but weird shit happens around them as they get older and they don't know why. creepy as hell.

i have to force myself to shut up now or i'll just keep going, but feel free to ask for more!! can you tell i love talking about books lmao.

[illustratelaw]

At some point, I hit a wall. I didn't mean or plan to - but I took a break. I started playing video games again and just trying to get as much dopamine as possible. This felt like such a backwards step and I was beyond disappointed in myself. I'm so hard headed and stubborn at times! But, at the time - when you're in it, you can't see a way out, and the frustration and negativity just seeps in - it's an old evolutionary response and survival mechanism that us humans just can't seem to shake off, even in the modern world when it no longer really serves us. I felt particularly bad playing video games again - as this was something that Angel had shared with us - he used to play video games too - but gave up and then was massively successful with his art - this was so inspiring for me! And at that time, I began to see anything that wasn't drawing as a waste of time (this reminds me of the time I thought that if I wasn't doing something to make money - or creating something that I could eventually monetize - then it was a waste of time? Such a toxic mindset and not at all a balanced way to live - Hussle and grind culture really do be fucking us neurodivergent up!) I info dumped how I was feeling into the "mindset" channel of the discord and then just RAGE quit. Eventually - after around a 2-4 weeks - my curiosity got the better of me and I checked the discord... Sammie - another neuro-spicy individual like myself, from America - had read my message and taken the time to write a lovely reply to me, and had offered to be a sort of study buddy for me as she was a few lessons ahead. <3 Her message was JUST the thing I needed. It really perked me up and gave me hope!!! After speaking to a few other people in the separate study buddies discord, I learnt that not everyone was following the course to a T as I was attempting to do. (I'm sure this comes from some sort of childhood trauma of not wanting to get into trouble!) Once I learned that, actually - I could just go through the whole course, download everything - and then, take a sneak peak at the next lesson, lesson two? THAT CHANGED THINGS!!! It might be that I have a little bit of the 'tism - and seeing / hearing - WHY we were doing things, helped to really solidify the things being taught into my brain. I started to see the lay ins differently - I could now envision what the lesson 2 lay in would look like over the top of the lesson 1 lay in - and I understood what the initial guidelines where there for! Admittedly this is kind of a backwards way of approaching things but, as someone who's neurodivergent and struggles with learning difficulties - I should have been kinder to myself. No one told me that this was okay until now, turns out I just needed permission from someone else to experiment. And MAN, what a massive difference it made for my mental health! Now - I was starting to have fun again, the studies didn't feel like a chore or homework and - just for fun - I'd practice turning my lesson 1 studies into lesson 2 studies. This motivated me to get the lesson 1 study 100% right and just levelled up the end result? I can't quite explain it but - it worked for me.

[goddessofliteratureandsarcasm]

There’s this thought that’s been percolating in the back of my mind. I’ve been doing my usual rounds of looking at fandom meta and shipping discourse, and I’m starting to wonder. Other people have done a really good job of explaining the connection between purity culture and this new generation of fans, who seem to want to sanitize everything, so I won’t go into that. But I was looking specifically at shipping discourse where one side’s major argument was that their pairing was canon. And it got me thinking, why is that such a weird argument to me? I basically grew up in fandom, it taught me a lot about how to read media and what a compelling argument looks like, so why doesn’t this one ring true?

And then I realized I’ve been reading a lot of nonfiction in my spare time about millennial burnout culture, and the overachievement culture that’s been driving high schoolers into burnout before they can even get to college. And then I thought about the phrase “ teaching to the test”, and then it clicked. Teaching to the test when I was growing up meant that your teacher was essentially coloring inside the lines, that they had a pretty good idea of the kinds of things and questions that were going to be on standardized tests, and that they stuck to those concepts because school funding was becoming more and more based on student testing results. But, and I’m speaking as an elder millennial here, back then we still had free time. Not tons, but enough for a hobby or two of our own preference that didn’t make it onto our college application list. And kids now just don’t seem to have that. There’s increased pressure about school, and not just for the ones who want to go to Harvard. There’s increased pressure about extracurriculars, and making sure that everything you do is optimized for your college application. And every other spare minute is taken up by doomscrolling and optimizing social media.

That’s insane! Fandom has been my hobby since I was 11 years old and had unrestricted computer access. As long as I wasn’t on “chat rooms” no one gave a damn what I was doing on the internet, and, of course, the first thing my nerdy ass did was look for what I now call fan content. And I wasn’t alone! One of the top five students in my graduating class introduced me to deviant art when we were 13.

But now kids don’t have or give themselves free time to let their brains play. And in the process of “studying for the test”, they’re not giving themselves the opportunity to come at media from the direction of “what if?”. What if things were different? What if that character didn’t die? What if that letter didn’t fall into the wrong hands? What if they all just packed it up and moved to New York and opened a coffee shop?

You can’t ask questions like that when you’re studying for “the test”, the test that will determine your entire course in life, or at least you and everyone around you thinks so.  You’ll get points taken off if you don’t know exactly what happens, so you learn to hold up the original piece of media as sacred without questioning it. Oh sure, they’ll talk about what makes an old novel problematic, but they won’t move past banning it to reimagining it. And the same goes for the media that they consume as fans.  Cannon is a sacred text, not a starting point.

I don’t know, it’s just a little sad to me that alongside purity culture these kids are losing their sense of play. Fuck knows I need it.

[broadphilly]

Brian...

Over the years, I built certain principles of dating that's helped me avoid my mistakes of the past. For instance, don't swipe right on a profile where his photos are just himself (no friends?). Also, avoid the ones with a bio that's only their instagram handle... please tell every college student this. Of course, as we age we keep self-selecting down to a more narrow group of individuals. This isn't new, but what becomes new over time is the *type* of guy you add to the list. A new genre of gay men that's recently come about since the pandemic was exactly that: the guy that is stuck in summer 2020 of urban outfitters tops and jeans, posting pictures enlarging the length of their legs, and having that one filter that aims to be retro but actually comes across as disturbingly fried. I unknowingly met this type and thus became the catalyst for the creation of this blog. Meet Brian.

I met Brian over tinder a week ago when I first downloaded the app to try and meet new people, though my intentions and motivations are to be discussed another time... Brian was a 21-year-old college student who was more direct than others in going on a date to get to know someone rather then gradually do the cat-and-mouse chase of tinder to following each other on instragram to FaceTime to finally a date if you're lucky. Brian seemed nice, he was one of the more rare individuals you meet on tinder that actually asks you questions about yourself on top of the conversation you're having. We met at Rittenhouse Square Park over wine I brought.

Brian showed up in a white crochet short sleeve short, long brown corduroy pants with black platform converse. He also brought a tote bag that also wanted to come across as diy but the aesthetically-saturated pattern immediately screamed Urban Outfitters to me. Looking nothing into it at the moment, I tried the basic tactics of first dates: how was your day, so where is your family from, do you like your neighborhood? I knew it was going to be a bad date when every answer he gave was "yeaaa..." or "no..." and his eyes would divert to a tree behind me but his eyes clearly not focusing in on anything. So you said you're from Haddonfield... I work around there. Do you like the shops on Haddon Ave? I ask. I hate New Jersey, he says. That sucks, why do you say that? It's boring. Another conversation looked like this: I ask, are you a film buff if you go to an art school? I don't know. I don't know any movies really. I couldn't help but sit with ten seconds of silence, just for him to realize how utterly monotone he was. I thought to myself: is this going to be the first date you actually walk away from mid-date?

We already made plans to go to a bar after the wine finished, which I quickly drowned down in hopes of not finding the shortness anymore annoying as it was to sober me. I offer we go, thinking the night will result in an awkward hug after a couple vodka sodas. I already pulled out cash before heading into Dirty Franks, since my debit card snapped in half and I've yet to order a new one. It's been broken for 5 weeks, but the chip still works. Brian didn't bring any cash... but I was quick to cover our two vodka crans at $12 plus tip. The conversations only picked up here, where I suspected he was more drunk and maybe less nervous. For some reason, I thought that was cute. We both ended up having the same favorite albums: Folklore by Taylor Swift and Norman Fucking Rockwell by Lana Del Rey. Adding Lorde and Clairo to my list, he seemed to be drawn in. I looked into his face more tentatively in the loud bar, his jawline looking sharper. The 1970s pornstache he was going for looked more developed and attractive. I knew then I was going to take him home. We finished our second drinks and he ordered the Uber home, for which I was going to hit myself if I really had to pay for the Uber, too.

At my apartment, Brian somehow found a glass in a cabinet and helped himself to water. I found that rather invasive, but I chalked it up to the inhibition following our Moscow mules. We chatted over tv shows back at the bar, agreeing to finally introduce Sex and the City to him via my laptop in bed. I always offer my guests shorts or sweatpants before getting in bed, offering looser clothes I won't be mad at getting ripped. Brian took a pair of black lululemon shorts, slipping into my covers next to me as I turned on the pilot episode. Quickly the episode ended, and he was quick to turning onto me, wrapping his leg around me to get on top. It was rather intense sex, with his pornstache being rough against my chin and lips. We flipped and turned over each other about three times before he went down on me, being surprisingly slow and wet with it. I did the same in return, putting both my hands around it and just being glad it wasn't as square as the guy before him. The sex became freaky to me, for a first date and all. With him sitting on top, his hands were warm around me before fitting it in. Never really having bottomed (or at least liking it for longer than 2 seconds), I'm also sure to be as gentle and deep as I can inside someone. It didn't take us long, and I tossed a towel to wipe everything off his stomach. Then the sleep came quickly and quietly, we didn't say goodnight.

The next morning, Brian had woken up earlier than me and I heard him get up at least three times for the bathroom before I actually checked my phone. 8:34 AM, I had work at 11. He suggested getting breakfast, and since he lived near where I work, I offered to drive us to a cafe in Haddonfield. On the way there, I tried my best to be cool again by curating music to play on the 30 minute car ride on a rainy, humid day. Andromeda by Weyes Blood, Spring by Angel Olsen, Sometimes by Faye Webster. There was a terrible accident over the Ben Franklin, causing all traffic to merge right, where we needed to take the left exit. I'm hungover. My head and my stomach, not good, he says. I'm sorry, I think some coffee and a sandwich will help, I say. We didn't really talk in the car, which bothered me. Even the questions like did you sleep okay only resulted in a yea... As we approached Haddonfield on Haddon Ave, he said in his very monotone voice: I'm going to throw up.

5 minutes away from the cafe, I thought he was just being dramatic since his face didn't read as urgent as his statement. Are you okay, do you want me to pull over? I chuckle. Yes, like now. I pull into the parking lot of a bank and as I'm putting the car into park he reaches for the handle before I could park and vomits on the side of my car and into the road, the car not even parked into a parking spot. I didn't see it, but it sounded aggravating, and splattered heavy. He stops after I ask if he's okay and needs anything (I had nothing but my laptop and tote bag), and I softly say, let's get you home, we'll worry about the coffee shop another time. As he closes the door, we drive to his address. Not 1 minute into the drive he says I'm not done and I park just on the other side of the parking lot before he expels everything left in him. I need to be motionless for just one minute, he says. I offer to get him water and he says okay in a way that says "Thanks, but no." At this point I wonder where to go from here, if he's even going to make it from to his house or if we're going to have to sit for a half hour while he sleeps it off. He gives a thumbs up to me as he picks his head up from the side off the car, and we drive away from what felt like a crime scene. The cafe will probably always be there, I say in an attempt to lighten the mood. He apologizes, and tries to make it up by asking me if I'm free Saturday. In my head, I could only think: please do not try and make up for this. Let's just be honest and take this as a lesson for the future.

Yours: know your limit if you're going to be driving back after a night of drinking. Mine: don't prolong a date with a guy who's taste you're not exactly of a fan of. It's not that I think the aesthetic is shitty or people who shop at Urban Outfitters are close-sighted, tacky assholes, but I think the fast fashion loving, calculated yet depthless aesthetic Brian put together reflected exactly the type of person who would present themselves as such. I actually work both mornings this weekend, 9-11 AM, I say. It was true, but I suggest maybe next weekend to be nice. As I pull up to his destination, he makes it worse to me by adding sternness to taking the offer: Okay, we'll see each other next Saturday. I would kiss you, but I don't want to be gross. It's okay, I- I would also give you a kiss if I could, I shyly say. He closes the door, and I proceed to the coffee shop we were supposed to go to.

[garrulousgeologist]

[S] Kells: Return.

I read too much Homestuck and now I have several posts queued.

So initially I put off reading more Homestuck because I care about Dave Strider too much. Seeing him in his room filled me with so many emotions it’s kind of ridiculous. But then when I did start reading I kind of just didn’t stop.

I keep a google doc open each time I sit down to read where I just dump my thoughts as I go and then edit and post them here later, it’s usually a few pages long. Right now I’m editing 25 pages of thoughts. Sooo posts to come, but back to Dave.

I just love this kid.

All parental complications in HS aside, Dave is such a cool kid. I get overwhelmed with the feeling that if he were my kid I would be so, so proud of him. He is so full of anxiety and is fucked up as a result of his environment, aren’t we all, but look at him!

Interest and talent in music, engineering, photography, design, graphic art, katana combat styles, literature, preservation and taxonomy, pop culture, web design, social media literacy, history, cinema, computer science, and the list could go on much longer. He seems genuinely interested in all of this, not just for show, though he plays the irony of everything.

Also, apple juice is one of my comfort foods and has been since I was like 5 years old. I have a huge soft spot for this guy. 

So why did that make me hesitate to read his introduction for a week? For the same reason I never end up finishing teen superhero comics, anime or T.V. shows; I have a hard time watching kids get manipulated and abused. Yes they are usually predictable pieces of media and I know they’ll end up “happy” most of the time, but I can’t help that I take it a little too seriously. The adults in any ‘hero’’s life utterly fail them.

No kid should feel like they have to excel at all of this to merely survive, and yet here Dave is.

Grand snack fuckyeah is what I’m going to say every time I enter a 7/11 from now on. 

Hello??? I had no fucking idea midnight crew was a webcomic on Dave’s Internet. I knew it was on mspaintadventures.com of course, I read it, but I never registered that he would have recognized them. I wonder if he gives any indication of this when interacting with them in person, which may or may not happen later due to circumstances that arise. 

"You push against the MANHOLE COVER, but it seems some unbelievable jackass has parked your GETAWAY VAN on top of it.

A familiar feeling stirs. That feeling is overwhelming, soul-blackening rage.

It's the sort of rage that'll make a man feel totally justified in sporting an unnecessarily elaborate assortment of fancy blades."

Something  I’ll try to keep in mind- Spades Slick has anger management issues. One thing goes un-according to plan and it’s immediate, inconsolable, violent rage. Surely this won’t become relevant in the future.

I miss the interactions between these two. Sibling energy in the best way possible. Some distant memory is telling me my favorite pesterlogs to read back in the day were between Rose and Dave, like specifically seeing the red and lilac chat logs triggers a happy feeling. Excited for more of this. 

Got me straight giggling. 

Something about genuine concern this early on in Dave’s story reads as particularly endearing. That being said if I accidentally killed a crow that caw’d at my bedroom window at 13 I would be deeply troubled. 

Skips back to rose- 

Each kid has immense amounts of blind respect for their respective guardian. John believes his dad to be doing important and responsible things at all times. Dave believes his bro is the most amazing person anyone could ever have as a brother. Anything he does must be either objectively sicknasty, or ironically hilarious. Bro is just doing what he can to make Dave strong, right? Well, yeah, maybe he is, that doesn’t negate the irreparable damage his methods cause, though.

Rose, someone I think might be the most likely to recognize her parent is just as human as she is, has the same perspective. No amount of hyper intellectualizing can change the fact that a kid is a kid. 

There is nothing to psychoanalyze. Your mother clearly has no real affinity for these damnable things. She only collects them to spite you.

If anything, she finds them even more repellent than you do. She's just a committed woman.

She hates the wizard statues and paintings, and her conclusion is that her mother can’t actually like these ridiculous motifs, so she must be placing them strategically around the house to spite her. The passive-aggression as Rose sees it could just as easily be her mom genuinely trying to connect with her daughter(sister,mom) but failing due to alcoholism and an unhealthy work-life balance.

In all cases, the kids assume their guardians' behavior is the way that it is because of their own interests. This is despite each guardian having a particular interest that particularly freaks out their respective kid. And, at the same time, have their interests and aversions because of their guardian’s behavior.

(And later it comes to light that these interests and behaviors are reflected in the alpha kids’ experiences, making the topics each human is savvy to a loop).

Homestuck is many things all at once. This is part of the reason it is so difficult to describe to someone who hasn’t experienced it! (hot take)

One of those things is a coming of age story. 

This is reflected in the human kids idolizing their guardians and then growing to realize they were just people doing their best and made any mistakes that the kids now have to grapple with. A similar situation can be said of the troll kids idolizing their ancestors and then coming to recognize similar things about them as they age.

Both species have a strong sense of separation between adolescence and adulthood, eventually growing to see the lines are extremely muddled. What is that if not a coming of age concept? Who among us (sus) has not suddenly recognized the flaws in our guardians? Don’t answer that I don’t want to go that deep outside the media.

Oh my GOD I forgot about the Lalonde home fridge magnets. I need some. W.

Right after that is the first pesterlog with Jade!! I remember her being way more in-the-know about certain things like the frog ruins, etc, but I completely forgot she just kind of like knows things.

Hmm alright

Back to John chasing the ink monster. In hindsight I think I recognized that Dave messaged John a little differently than everyone else, but reading it now he’s very clearly got a crush. The in-his-DMs version of scrambling. The guy is just throwing all he has out and living off the vapors of combusting hope that something sticks.

. . .

I’m using this as an insult in my daily life now. That one stuck, Dave.

H

H-Hom..

Anyway. Put the bunny back in the box.

I just realized echeladder is a stupid fucking word. Weird fight to pick out of everything I could criticize at this point in HS, but echelon means ladder. Why..Why make it Echeladder. For to make Kells angy?

EVERYONE SHUT UP!

NANASPRITE!!! <3

Jfc The Medium. There is so much I need to re-learn. 

Me too, John. Sorry to have so many pesterlogs in this post! I don’t mean to cheapen my own reflections. I just don’t see the point in rephrasing this copied-homework style, especially when I don’t fully understand what’s being said. It’s really nice that someone is finally asking direct questions and getting direct answers though! The funny thing is in high school I thought John was lame for being so blunt and basic with his communication with his sprite, and now I’m like oh thank fuck there’s at least one logical and non-convoluted conversation between a Sburb mechanic and a player character. 

I’ll leave out the [S] GO ON. text but needless to say: Skaia.

I don’t think I ever processed the game of chess being forces of light vs. dark, but I don’t think that changes my perspective at all. That’s kind of a basic concept and in this case seems to be literal anyway. 

[S] Dave: Retrieve dead bird.

The red hot swirling sun over Texas zooming out to be Dave’s eye in some not-so-subtle foreshadowing never gets old for me. Love the imagery there.

Rose is updating her walkthrough again, so far the only text I’m just unwilling to give a thorough read-through. I skim it, okay? 

I also JUST put together that the imps’ jester hats, the jester themed chess pieces of Skaia and other imagery is part of a shitty paradoxical loop that continuously forces clownery upon every aspect of this fucking comic. I guess previously I assumed that’s just how they were as opposed to a blank canvas imp with jester imagery added to it.

"So don't change the dizzle, turn it up a little

I got a living room full of fine dime brizzles

Waiting on the Pizzle, the Dizzle and the Shizzle

G's to the bizzack, now ladies here we gizzo

When the pimp's in the crib ma

Drop it like it's hot

Drop it like it's hot

Drop it like it's hot..."

-English Romantic poet, John Keats

I’m not even going to correct this one you should know who said that. 

Tl;dr

Dave and Rose are Kell’s favorite kids, it’s a hard decision but it’s Kells’ truth. Jade deserves more credit!! Nanasprite is helpful but Kells has dumb babby disease and continues to do research. Clown culture in Homestuck is weird. It’s weird that there’s a Homestuck clown culture.

[genderconfusedasheck]

dont stay up till 2am you start Thinking [thoughts under cut]

my gender experience is so fucking weird yall. esp coming from a black family where i was already scrutinized by my mother for even being bi. i started testosterone about 3 years ago, and i am SO happy with the results. i got what i wanted, deeper voice, facial hair, more masc traits, end of periods. if and when i get a hysterectomy, i might even just stop taking T because i got what i wanted from it. T has been AMAZING to me. i cant even give a “but” in this instance because without T i wouldnt have figured out JUST how genderqueer i am.

now, mind you, i identified as agender way back in 2015 when i first heard of the word. it described me perfectly. but at the time i was going by two pronouns, she/they. going to my gsa club and having someone give me the nastiest look possible because i was using two pronouns shook me to my core to never identify with that label ever again. in 2019 i told my college roommate i was going to start using they/them, and he straight up told me he wont use it because its confusing. he would then later gender one of his friends with that set of pronoun, and when i asked why he didn’t use it for me it was because “im so used to your other ones”.

it wasnt until meeting a new friend at my college’s pride club and seeing another trans black person using two sets of pronouns that REALLY broke me out of my gender shell.

im going back to using the agender label after cycling through my options. the word ‘man’ never stuck with me, because i just dont feel like its true. im not a male, im not a boy. im DEFINITELY not a female or a girl. im some secret and fucked up third thing that i will never be able to properly explain.

this ALL brings me into the strange, impulsive thought as i was scrolling through old art. which was,

“dude i dont wanna use any form of pronoun for me whatsoever”

like. HUH? no. im sorry but thats not happening i will gaslight myself into never being pronounless because WHAT ARE PEOPLE SUPPOSED TO REFER TO ME AS? i dont even wanna use neopronouns!!! FUCK!! just dont refer to me or smth idk!!!

being trans is so cool but by GOD it is tiring esp if youre black. the stigma in the black community and the lgbt community is craaaaazy. i just wanna wear cute overalls and maybe even a bit of a dress or smth after top surgery without getting weird looks from both sides

[kiseiakhun]

i was discussing with my partner today which superheroes should actually be jim-lee-art levels of buff, and obviously the topic turned to lanterns because they have magic rings to do the heavy lifting for them

we concluded that hal probably is because he a) would hate everyone else at JLA meetings being buffer than him, and b) probably sublimates sexual urges he thinks he shouldn't have into working out until he throws up, that guy should have a bit of a belly, and kyle should have wet noodles in place of muscles, but idk enough about the other lantersn to have opinions, so i am coming to you as the closest thing to an expert on what lantern corps members look like naked i know

am i wrong about the boys? does john actually have muscles or does he just project such strong dilf energy everyone assumes he does? has jess ever lifted anything heavier than a can of beans? i would love to know your thoughts if you care to share them

I love that you thought of me. I love that this is my reputation. Thank u. I hope this is how everyone else sees me, as the naked lantern person.

Okay SO

Hal I imagine is more streamlined, like a fighter jet. He builds his entire personality around being a pilot, he would want to Become the plane. My impression of Hal will forever be influenced by being introduced to him as Parallax and seeing those WIDE SHOULDERS and MASSIVE TITS so I picture him to be more top heavy. Classic dorito shape. He absolutely does sublimate his sexual urges into working out until the strain on his muscles pushes out the strain of wanting to be fucked by men and he will do MANLY exercises like chest presses and deadlifts. I think those are manly exercises. I am not well versed in working out. As a result his top half is full beefaroni but he has little twig legs, but he's still aerodynamic because he never remembers to eat. His muscles could be bigger if he ingested more protein.

Guy is BIG and SOFT and STRONG. He has big muscles and also big padding over those muscles. He's a brawler, he needs to be well-padded to take hits from bar brawls. Plus he remembers to eat.

I want to say John is big and muscular too. He gives off those vibes. But also if you look at his uniform, he has that green triangle over his shoulders which makes me think he put it there on purpose to make them look bigger. He's an architect, he knows how strategically placed lines emphasize different things. I think John is big and muscular and he works really hard to stay big and muscular. I think when he first started the lantern gig he was insecure over being lanky compared to Hal and Guy and now he hits the gym 5 days a week and he sort of resents how easy it is for Hal and Guy to retain muscle. Guy doesn't even work out. He just gets in bar brawls and tussles with aliens and somehow he is still large and strong. What the fuck. John is probably one of those people who started going to the gym to look good but now he just automatically works out whenever he's stressed. When he hits the gym five hours a day, that's when you know something is up. He's really careful with his diet, too. He's vain but he won't admit it.

Kyle is vain and he DOES admit it. He has pretty gym-bro muscles. He has instagram model muscles. They look pretty but they're not very functional. He can lift heavy weights in 5-second bursts, any more than that and his arms start shaking. As an artist he is also careful and deliberate with his uniform designs and pretty much all of them have straight lines that slim his torso and another line that runs across his chest or just above his hips, which shortens his upper body and lengthens his legs. He wants to appear like a strong and agile deer, bold but with a touch of delicate vulnerability to attract the old men father figures who will tame him and tuck his shivering body under their fatherly muscles. Black features prominently in most of his outfits, too, and all that black is slimming! Kyle LIKES looking skinny yet strong, hence why his outfit is so skin tight it literally crawls up his asscrack. I just deleted another paragraph of how Kyle looks in uniform vs out of uniform because I realized no one cares except me.

Jess is stronger than she looks. She did hit Guy with a pretty mean sucker punch, and she has a military background, but she's too shy and insecure to really advertise that and everyone is inevitably surprised at how strong she actually is. Her social anxiety probably prevents her from using the communal gym though. I bet Bruce gave her access to a private gym because he wants to fuck her

Simon has street muscles. He is lightly padded. I don't think he really cared about muscles and working out before because he had other things on his mind but now that he is more safe and secure, he can start to care about these things. He tries to talk to Kyle about tiktok workouts but Kyle hasn't plugged into any social media in like seven years on account of intermittently being Space Jesus and just Space Shenanigans in general and he is confused but open to learning. Simon shows Kyle tiktok workout videos Gains and Cutting and John watches this and burns in envy. Why is he not included. He knows about carb loading, too. He knows more than Kyle. He is in with the youths. He could do a tiktok trend.

[blissfulparker]

Driving First class→T.H

Parings: mechanic!tom x reader

Summary: A bitter fight with your now ex has you taking your car instead of a train for a business trip. Although out of your pettiness and anger, your car breaks down and you are left in the middle of nowhere but luckily Tom sees your distress and the man who works on the car is your best rescue. But he works on you other ways both Physically and emotionally

Warnings: Dom!tom, sub!reader, degrading(only slightly), sex on top of a car, squirting, oral, unprotected sex (this is fictional please use protection!), orgasm denial, power struggle, Tom being scared of women for two seconds

Word count: 5.5k

A/n: yeah so idk why I got so horny all the sudden and wrote this. Tbh...I like this version of tom, whatever this is I kinda like it. Let me know what you guys think, if you want to see more or less but I present to you: the first full fic I’ve written in months!(also I know barely anything about cars so I’m sorry if it’s cringy😭)

“Fuck! Shit! Dammit! Fuck! Fuck!” You scream. Hitting your hands against the steering wheel. Such a stupid idea with a stupid end result how could you not expect it?

Taking a car instead of a plane or a train across the country to avoid your ex on a business trip. Thinking you were being more bold and brave, proving you never needed him in the first place when now you sit stranded out in the middle of nowhere with a smoking engine and only hours until sunset and you’re sweating your ass off in a suit. A suit, who the hell wears a suit on a road trip?

Your Phone only having one bar and giving you 20%, you’re doomed. Doomed to be stranded out here and either killed by a maniac or killed by a bear. If London even had bears you would be killed by one. Wanting to cry and scream and maybe a train seat next to your ex who cheated was a better option than crying in your grandpa’s old Chevy that you thought was a better idea than the Tesla or the BMW. Anything would’ve been a better idea than this one but for once you couldn’t let go of the fiery side to you and just got in a car with your middle finger to your ex thinking you were so much better than a first class seat with expensive champagne.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” You say to yourself. Your hands run over your face. As dramatic as you can be you think you feel the end coming. The smoke from the engine never dies down and the sun is getting hotter and hotter. No more bubble gum pop plays from the radio but instead the sound of birds chirping and your paranoia of a bear eating you eats at your ears. You think maybe you should’ve sent that drunk ‘I miss you’ text to your ex back two nights ago when you were drunk to maybe just feel his dick once more and get on a stupid train with him but now you are—

“Miss?” A knock at your window causes you to jump. Screaming as you are met with the face of a man and grabbing your pepper spray from the keys and pointing. Even though the window was rolled up you still point and he backs up with his hands up.

“What the fuck!” You scream as you lower the pepper spray. You don’t know when, don’t know how, but now pulled in front of you was a black SUV that was in much better shape than your car. A man who wore a tight white shirt and had sweet chocolate brown curls stood with a scared look on his face.

“I-I’m sorry! I-I wanted to make sure you were okay. I’ve seen your smoke some while back and...and you were slumped over your steering wheel and needed to make sure I didn’t need to call police.” He explained very rushed. You place your hand over your heart, calming yourself as you reached to roll down your window so you can properly talk to him. A harmless boy who was probably on his way home.

“I’m fine.” You almost groan as you put your pepper spray back down. Running your hands over your face once again. Tom takes in how nice you look, black suit and neatly painted nails, you looked expensive so what was such an expensive girl like you doing in such a dirty old car like this?

“You got smoke coming from your car, you don’t look fine miss.” He looks at the cloud that still comes from your car. He has a worried look. You hate that you make the assumption of him being a man so he will know how to fix it but at the same time he was an Angel sent from Heaven,

“The engine blew out...at least I think…” you trail off. Honestly you didn’t know anymore, The last time you worked with a car was when you were 15 and before your grandpa died. The only person who truly taught you about cars now seemed to be reincarnated into the Greek god in front of you.

“Mind if I take a look?” He asked and you nodded as you popped the hood.

Stepping out of your car you join the boy in the front. Taller than him in the heels you wore having him look up at you as if you were the Angel sent down in the moment.

He doesn’t hesitate to dig his fingers into your car. Feeling the overheated engine and you watched as his eyes went in shock and his sigh. You were fucked. Utterly fucked and no, it wasn’t by some hot guy on a plane like you wished in the moment.

“She’s busted.” He looked at you. You almost want to roll your eyes and go ‘thanks’ as if you already didn’t know that. “I might be able to fix her up, gotta take her back to the shop and see what I can do but other than that she’s no good for a ride.” He placed his hands on his hips and looked up at you again.

“You mean it’s like broken broken down?” You start to panic even more. Ruining the BMW was far more worth it than the ‘57 Chevy you drove. No one made a car like this anymore and you adored it. Every chip of paint, every dent, each faded seat you loved as your own.

“I can see what I can do.” He shrugged. He starts to walk to his car, opening the trunk to hook your busted vehicle up to his and drag it back to where he just came from. As he starts to hook up your car you only just stare, watching as he does his work. He rubs his now oily hands on his pant leg before he looks up at you.

“You wanna hop in the front?” He asked and you started walking to your car and he let out a laugh. “No I meant my car, Angel.”

The random man that pulls over on the side of the road, has you pointing your pepper spray one moment ago now has you acting like a idiot as he was so pretty and a gift sent just for you.

“Right,” you walk around to the passengers seat. “Sorry.” You cleared your throat as you sat and waited in silence. Waiting for him to come around and when he does he doesn’t say anything but just starts up the car.

“You’re not going to kill me are you?” You looked over to him who has a goofy grin on his face.

“No sweetheart.” He shakes his head and you sigh in relief. As if he would even tell you that he was going to kill you. “You’re not going to kill me are you? With that spray you’ve got?” He teased and you shook your head.

“No, and sorry, I was just panicked and you are—“ you started but he lets a low laugh that you find so attractive.

“No I get it, you’re fine.” He stared back at the road. You were so use to the city, the tall building and the blinding lights you never really got to see the beauty of London outside of it. The gorgeous countryside you never knew existed actually did. But the countryside only lasted for so long before you were in a town filled with some of the cutest shops and was like a small city. So cute and so tiny.

“You wear heels on a road trip?” He broke the silence again and this time you’re looking at the four inch shoes.

“I-well-“ you looked and sounded like a proper idiot. You worked for one of London’s best businesses and now you were stumbling over your words, “well...yes? I’m on a business trip.” You admit and he looks back at the busted vehicle.

“I don’t know what business you work for but them sending you in a—“ he starts and you shake your head.

“No, no, that is mine. I thought—I didn’t want to go on a train and—it’s just complicated. A complicated stupid mess.” You tell him and he tilts his head as if he was agreeing.

“Well, I’ll see how well I can get you out of the complicated stupid mess.” He flashed a smile before he turned into what looked like a garage. A large garage that was filled with cars of all types, from new to old there were cars that had looked like they had been worked on for days as Tom pulled his car up and turned it off.

“We have some water in the front if you need some and there's a bathroom in the back. Make yourself a home, I'll get started.” and so for once, instead of just staring at him as if he was a piece of art hanging in the louvre, you search for the bathroom and the water he was talking about.

Leaving him to pop back open your hood, you walk into the bathroom and run cold water over your face. Feeling yourself relax at the feeling of finally getting the heat from the sun out of your face. Facing yourself in the mirror, you stare long and hard at yourself. The dimly lit bathroom, the achy feeling in your feet from being so stupid and wearing heels, the fact you broke down in god know what part of london but now you are in a mechanic shop and you are letting some random person fix up your beloved car.

“Should’ve just gotten on the train.” you groan as you take a paper towel and dry your face. Reaching for the door and walking back out to the garage where tom was now in a white tank top that was stained black all over, he had a towel over his shoulder as he worked at your car. You try to swallow the lump in your throat as you are completely mesmerized by the man in front of you.

Should've gotten on the train. Should've gotten on the train. Should've gotten on the train.

“Fuck!” Tom almost hits his head on the hood of the car as he sees you. You think he had curly hair at the start, now he had hair that kind of stuck to his forehead from the heat and sweat of your car. His hands are covered in black oils and he wipes them on the towel. “You scared me.” he lets out a breath as if he held it in and you take a seat at the stool next to the table filled with tools as he walks over to it.

“Sorry,” you say as you look at the car and try not to make it obvious you want to fuck him right now. A complete stranger that picked you up, you want to fuck. What if he did want to kill you? What if he had a girlfriend? Or boyfriend? Or a family of kids? What if-

“You hear me?” he was closer to you than ever and you felt your whole body go weak.

“I'm so sorry,” you shake your head. “What did you say?’

He lets out that stupid pretty laugh of his again as he puts tools back in the tool box. Cleaning up the mess he just made he repeats himself.

“I said, your car is so old that they don't make the part I need to fix her up anymore. Luckily I know a guy who has the part but it will take a few days to come in. the engine is completely busted and i think if i go a year up in model I can put it in just right. But for now she needs to cool off. She’s not gonna be able to drive for a while.” he gives you almost a pout and you slouch your shoulders.

“So I'm screwed?” your brows raised and he gave you a pressed lipped look.

“Im sorry angel, I got a spare room at my place or there is a bed and breakfast up the road I can drop you off at but for now there is nothing I can do.” he says and you sigh. Maybe you want to cry, scream, throw something but Tom notices it all at once as he watches your head drop.

Tom grew up around boys. His whole life was wrestling with his brothers and working on cars. He never dealt with girls crying. Even when he had girlfriends they typically left when they were crying but now he has a crying girl right under his roof after he worked on her car. It did take everything in him to not ask why she used the old thing but he knew a lot more was happening than just a beat down old car.

“I'm sorry. I should thank you, not cry.” you sniffled as you looked up at him who was on his knees crouched down for you. Face to face, he had a concerned look.

“I have a feeling that car isn't why you’re crying.” he didn't know how to play therapist and mechanic but tonight he would.

“I was so stupid not to just get on the train. God, I would have already been there by now and all because I didnt want to sit next to my stupid cheating ex who I thought I was so much better than if I just got in this old thing and drove there myself.” you wipe your eyes and he hands you a tissue but you shake your head.

“He sounds like a shit guy.” He spoke and you nodded.

“He is, but he was the only one that gave a shit about me and now I'm here like an idiot. Well, not an idiot...no, yeah. An idiot. You're really nice and sweet though so thank you.” you try and give him a smile and he stands up.

“Get up.” he groans a bit as he stretches his legs. “C’mon sweets, get up. I’m not going to let you cry over a guy who treated you like shit. You drink?” he asked and you nodded. “I have some beer in the fridge, you already had a shit day let's not cry about it.”

You don't know if you wanted to throw the wrench at him or if you needed him to say that. Either way he sets an ice cold beer in front of you and pops open the top for you.

Probably making more money than everyone in this town, you never thought you would plop down on a nearly broken bar stool in the middle of a car mechanic shop and drink away your feelings with a random man you just met today. You didnt even know his name, nor did he know yours but he listened to everything you had to say about your ex boyfriend who was probably fucking some model right now while you for once felt like you didnt have to play pretend nice in front of someone. How you don't know what god above sent this man in front of you but he did and he listened to each of your problems, nodding and not saying anything back as he just listened to everything.

“I used to work on cars too.” you look over at the cars and he raises his brows.you had finally stopped crying so much, realizing what was happening and where you were but you felt like a weight was taken off your shoulders when you told him everything. Not even your best friend could make you feel like that.

“Penthouse princess used to work on cars?” he teased and you only nudged his shoulder.

“Wow, penthouse princess?” you repeat back to him with a playful smile and he nods.

“Never got your name and you live in a penthouse and act like a princess.” he takes a sip of his beer and you finally extend your hand to meet his.

“(y/n).” you shook his dirty one but wow were his hands thick. You could feel each callous and feel each crooked finger. Your mind went to dirty places and you think maybe he caught on as he watched your legs cross over themselves as you shook his hand.

“Tom.” his thumb swiped over yours as he shook your hand. The feeling made you swallow hard and him smirk just a bit for himself. Before you could get too comfy you walked over to a truck that already had its hood popped open. You stumble a bit in your heels and the uneven ground and Tom is quick to follow you to make sure you don't hurt yourself.

“That's the engine.” you point. And he nods, his hand is on his hips as he watches you point and explain. “That's the brake pad, that's where you put in the oil…” you trail on and Tom nods as you get everything correct.

“Very good, darling.” he nods impressed and you look over at him with a smirk.

“What? No penthouse princess?” you're close to him. You didn't realize how close he was to you before you turned around and are almost chest to chest with him.

“Mmh, you have a preference?” he teased and you look down at your feet. You're still taller than him, but you think even without the heels on you would be either taller or the same height as him. You were always told that you were the one in control, always the one in demand which seemed to be a complaint by your ex.

“Mmh,” you lean in close enough to where your chest is gently pressed against his. “I'm not sure yet.” you let your hand go to the strap of his tank top, its dirty with oil before you let your hands go down and touch the muscle. Feeling just how strong he was, he was pretty tanned too. He was both toned and tanned as he watched your hands trail down to the bottom of his shirt.

His hands rested on your waist. Holding you tight in place and maybe in the moment he was the shorter on but he was always in control. Always.

“You seem so indecisive, do you want to drive or get on a train? Get back with a man or stay away? You don't even know where you want to sleep at night but you still act like you're so in control.” he almost mocks, giving you the same pout you had throughout the entire night and it shocked you.

“I know what I want.” you nearly snarl back and he clicks his tongue.

“Yeah?” he almost whispers as he leans in for your ear. “Prove it.”

You don't know when or how but his lips quickly land on yours. In a rough fight for dominance he has his hands wrapped around your thighs and has you picked up and laid down on one of the cars with a hood down. You don't realize it's your car with his hood down until you brace yourself on the hood. Stripping of your suit jacket and fiddling with your pants button but tom is already on it. He's down on his knees, undoing the straps of your shoes as he lets his hands go up and undo the buttons of your pants. Having you nearly completely naked in front of him, that's not exactly what he was going for as he picks you up from the hood as has you on your knees in front of him.

“Was so cute, you thought you were going to get exactly what you wanted.” his hand was dirty as it stroked your face but landed a grip on your chin. Pulling you in close, your head in between his thighs looking up at him with pleading eyes. You almost whimper, you were on your knees for a man you didn't know and you were almost whimpering.

“Dont act stupid.” he nearly spit at you as he leaned back. Your hands are going to unzip his pants but he stops you. Forcing you to rest your hands on his thighs as he pulls himself out of his pants. You swallowed hard as he was bigger than you had expected--far bigger than your ex as you felt like your mouth was watering as he used his thumb to stroke over the tip.

“Stick your tongue out.” he told you. You gladly stuck your tongue out with your mouth wide and ready to take him. He had one grip on your jaw and the other guiding his cock into your mouth. You start to suck but that's not what he wanted. He held your jaw in place as he thrusted up into you.

“Thats a good girl,” he hissed as he used your mouth as if it was his own personal toy. You reached to stroke what couldnt fit in your mouth and he let out an airy laugh. “What a little whore you are.” he shook his head. “So desperate, is this not enough for you? Sucking on my cock not enough for you?” he taunted you and you only moan—or at least try to moan and he laughs.

“What was that darling? I can't seem to hear you?” he teased and you only whined more with your mouth around him. You play a game with yourself where you think you can make him cum like this. Making him cum this early would mean that you always were more incharge from the start. But you barely know him, you don't know how long he can last.

“Get up.” he pulls your head off of him. His cock still hard as it fell onto his stomach and you were drooling with his precum. Your eyes don't even look up at him you look at the redness of his cock, how you want more of it and maybe you were the whore like he said.

“Look at me,” he pulled you up, now face to face with him. His hand that was free slips in between thighs, teasing as he gets closer and closer to your core and he clicks his tongue again. “Such a dirty girl, don't even want to look at me, say thank you, you just look at my cock wanting more. You want more?” he strokes your cheek and you nod. “What was that? A moment ago I thought I was talking to one of the richest girls in London but now I feel like I'm talking to just some whore--” he starts to talk but your lips are already on his. You straddle his hips. Extremely unsturdy but he quickly picks you up and flips you over. As much as he'd loved to see what you look like on top of him. Tits bouncing for him and trying to hold on, here was not the best place. He would get a better view later, he just knew it.

For now he flips you over on your stomach. You're pressed up against the car as he wraps his hand around your waist and uses his fingers for a bit.

“So fucking tight.” he slides in slowly at first. Making you gasp and him hiss. “That other boy fuck you like this?” he asked but you were too busy trying to feel more of him. His hand comes down to your ass and in shock you yelp. “I asked you a question, don't say you don't know manners either.'' He was close to your ear and you shook your head no.

“No!” you nearly cry out as he pushes into you. Completely filling you up. You feel tears perk at the corner of your eyes for how desperately you needed him. You even push back on him and he lets out a soft laugh. “H-he's never fucked me like this, god tom please move!” you cry out. His hands come to your waist and he clicks his tongue again.

“Since you asked so nicely.” he teased as he pulled himself fully out and pushed himself fully back in. you cry out, not caring who heard you, you cried out as he fucked into you like you two were the last people on earth.

“Fuck youre so tight.” he threw his head back as he held on to your hips. You felt yourself give up under him. There was no use in you trying to take control anymore when he did this to you. Had you dumbed down just for his dick.

“I need to cum tom.” you cry out. You try and open your eyes to look back at him who has created a rhythm for your body. His head is thrown back and he shakes his head.

“No.” was all he said and you nearly cry more. “Not yet.” was all he said as he went faster.

“Please, please, please.” you begged between a mixture of moans and cries. Reaching back to hold his hands but he quickly moved them to wrap around your waist and touch your clit. Using his thumb to rub gentle circles you nearly

“So cute when you whine like that.” he chuckled. You felt him twitch, knowing he was close too, you clenched your walls around him. You could barely hear his gasp but you have your cheek pushed up against the hood of your car that got you here in the first place.

“Fuck,” he struglld to moan out. “C-Cum for me.” he sped up and your whole body went numb. You swear you pass out for a moment as all you hear are his moans and the sudden feeling of him stopping.

Both heavy breathing you slowly move yourself to get up, at least turn yourself around so you can face a clearly stunned tom. His mouth open just a bit and his eyes are wide.

“Y-you squirted.” he tells you and suddenly you go from feeling like the sexiest person alive to feeling your body heat up in full embarrassment.

“I-i'm so sorry i-i didn't know-” you start to stammer as you reach for your shirt to clean him up but he shakes his head still trying to catch his breath.

“No, It was hot.” he says as his shock turns into a small smirk, cocky that he was able to do that. “Fuck, have you ever done that before?” he asked.

Your cheeks heated up, even though he couldn't see the clear embarrassment you nodded. One time, years ago when you were by yourself. You hadn't touched yourself in over a month and it was just the highest setting of your vibe and the hottest porn star you could find that had done it to you. Never ever had an actual man been able to make you do that. Hell, you were lucky if your ex even made you cum.

“O-Once, once but I was by myself.” you swallowed hard, you could already see the smirk on his face as he knew he was so much better than anyone you had ever had. He didn't even know your ex partners but if he could get you to do that the first time he fucked you then even you knew you didn't need anyone else.

He uses his clean shirt to clean you up. Helping you slip back on your underwear and making sure that you could still walk--you barely could. He helps you into his car. Letting you cool down a bit before he drove out of the garage, driving down the road and it was only about a minute until you arrived at the cutest house you had ever seen.

He lifted you out and brought you inside, passing you clothes that were far better to sleep in than a suit and your completely ruined underwear, you found yourself getting comfy under his bedsheets.

“So im guessing im not going to the bed and breakfast for the night?” you nuzzled into the sheets that smelt of ocean spray and cedarwood. This man was some sort of god, you swore on it.

“Hmm, no. unless you still want to.” he slides under the sheets himself. His hands dont touch you but you gladly lean in and wrap your arms around him. He at first stills, stiffens his whole body before he relaxes for you. He didn't even know what he was thinking. First he helps the pretty girl he worried was dead on the side of the road and now he has her in his bed after having one of the best orgasms of his life.

“No,” you hum against his chest. “If you don't mind.” but it wasn't a question. This time you take control over the situation and fall quickly asleep in his arms. He only lays there, waiting for you to find yourself fully asleep.

Fuck that stupid train, fuck your stupid ex, and fuck him.

-

Dark roast and sizzling eggs fill your nose. You wake up with puffy eyes, from crying last night embarrassingly in Tom's arms you look down and see you're only in a random stained tee and your underwear. In a way,you thought you hit your head hard enough on the steering wheel that all of this was a dream but it was real. You lay in a grey sheeted bed and hear the sound of music come from the kitchen.

Ideally, if you got on the train, you would have woken up in a hotel with a view of the city and probably eat half of a bagel and drink rich coffee from the breakfast bar before being off to your first conference of the day. But you were instead naked in the bed of a man who was helping you fix your car.

You stumble out of the bed, your legs wobbly, feeling as if you did a hardcore work out you nearly wince. What the man did was something you swore was only in porn. You don't know what kind of magic fucked him over while he works on cars but his fingers were skilled.

“Woah, woah,” Tom came over to you. Plaid boxers and no shirt, you think you died and went to heaven. Your car exploded and you died and went to heaven and if this is what it was then you were perfectly okay with that. “You okay?”

You nod, sitting at the island and only watching him. You knew you had to say a word soon but you didn't know what to say.

“Not so sure how you liked your eggs so I made them scrambled because that's personally how I like them but I can make them any other way you like-” he starts to go off and you only nod.

“No, I like scrambled.” When was the last time you had a breakfast like this? You grew up with servants and your parents are always gone. You never had a breakfast as simple as this.

He gave you a smile, you walked over to the coffee machine and poured coffee into the mug that was already out.

“Not sure if you were a coffee or tea type of person, if you-” before you could listen to his ramble again you shook your head.

“I like coffee. Coffee for the morning and tea typically in the evening.” you tell him and he gives a smile and a sweet nod.

“Me too.” was all he said before he remembered what was happening. “Hey, when do you have to be at that business trip? Or whatever it was?” you nearly spit out the coffee as he brings it up. You knew everything that was happening but honestly you were holding on to the concept you died and went to heaven but you had a conference in probably an hour and who the hell knows where you are.

“You know what,” your heart suddenly calms down. The panic subsides as you take another sip of that coffee. “Fuck them. They have waited for others before and they can wait for me. Fuck the trip, fuck the car and fuck my ex.” you felt good saying it. Tom slid you a plate of eggs and toast and you smiled.

“The car is still better than the train?” He remembers how all of this is about you and your ex fighting and you not wanting to sit on the train next to him.

With a smile, with everything that had happened within the past 24 hours, you pick up the plate and turn to tom.

“I don't think I should've taken the train.”

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