#I have a lot of half formed thoughts about this drama so apologies if this post is all over the place

[bonobochick]

Thoughts on #Elite7

I finished up Elite S7 and I have some thoughts with some gifs. 🥹

Positives:

Rocio got story and screentime. 🎉 I hated seeing her chase after Bilal's worthless ass in S6 cause he didn't even like her & constantly disrespected her yet as soon as he found out her fam is rich, he started singing a different tune. Rocio didn't get as much as I wanted in terms of screentime but enough that she got famliy drama with her mom's illicit activities + romantic drama with Eric. Nico's cousin Eric showed up this season and he's got issues. Rocio & Eric had good chem (much more chem IMO that he has with Chloe) in their attraction to each other.

Eric messes up more than a few times with her yet how he treats her shows care and actual feelings, not just sexual desire. What Elite was building up with Rocio & Eric was love as opposed to what he had with Chloe, which was vices + sex. Sadly, I think this romance with Eric & Rocio will only exist in S7, which is unfortunate with all that good chem and decent build up. 😮‍💨

2) The surprise appearance of Fiks from Blood and Water! I didn't know about the crossover so it was good to see her. I know Ivan will be in S4 of Blood and Water.

3) I like the crew of Nico, Eric, & Rocio. They have a nice vibe together, good times and bad times, I would say more of this in S8 but I've read that Rocio won't be in S8 so I'll have to enjoy the beginnings of a solid crew that I got in S7 since I'm about to get nothing in S8. I thought the scenes with Nico & his cousin re: Eric's mental health issues were absorbing too. Eric wanted to do better but hated how he felt being on meds. As his uncle said, it's about figuring out the right cocktail to help him with the highs and lows but Eric struggled with patience in that because of the side effects.

4) I adore Ivan so I was glad to see him on the mend from the accident. He's still heartbroken over Patrick's exit and the death of Cruz so much of S7 is him trying to move past his grief. He does that in the form of Joel which is in the next section.

Neutral / Indifferent:

1) Omar / Joel / Ivan... I've already admitted I adore Ivan but for full disclosure, I'm BIG on Patrivan so anything else for them with anyone else was always going to be an uphill battle. I also do not like Omar ever since he cheated with Malik and didn't even apologize to Nadia about it. All this said... I didn't hate this story. I thought it was interesting to show Omar's depression from what happened to Samu but the show spent a little bit too much time with all the back and forth in this story. Joel is alright and his chem with both guys is fine. I just wasn't invested in this triangle and all the angst but it's not a bad story. Dalmar is MVP in it.

2) Chloe and Carmen: I wanted Ivan's mother to show up and Carmen did. She also brought along Ivan's half-sister (to which I need to do some age checking cause pregnancies take time!) named Chloe. Carmen is a golddigger and it made sense why Cruz paid her to stay away from Ivan. That doesn't mean that Ivan didn't have a moment where he got to know his mother a little TOO well. ahem. The drama here with Ivan's new family had potential and was messy but I... didn't care for Chloe's everything is sbout sex story, especially with Eric but also with Raul. All it did was make me roll my eyes a lot in annoyance. The strong-arming that Chloe was irresistible / sexy got tired quickly, especially when she was walking around in her school uniform with her bra out as sign of that "sexiness." Come on!

3) All things Didac, Isadora, and their families: a lot going on and a lot of it didn't move me. Didac & Isadora are fine together so that wasn't the issue for me. The Romeo + Juliet story with the warring families didn't quite work for me. Took up lots of screentime too.

What did work? The hottie undercover cop. That was some nice eye candy.

4) Sonia & Nico... I wanted to see more of them after the S6 drama with Ari and they got shafted in terms of story + screentime toghether, particularly after Nico schtupped Chloe.

Negatives:

1) All things Sara and Raul.

I've hated these two characters since they both showed up in S6 but someone has a hard-on for them in the writers room, particularly Sara. I skipped over many of their scenes with each other and with others. Raul won't be in S8. I wish Sara wasn't as well but she'll be their stinking up things. 🗑️

[xstarkillerx]

you told me that you often want to be in my inbox with “real shit to say” bcos you’d just go to our discord chat instead. and i didn’t realize that i actually identity with it as well. i’m here with “real shit to say”

sex and love and drama addicted anakin skywalker would be turned on by the process of artificial insemination.

it shocks you. not because you’re a stranger to such a standard medical procedure, but because of how starkly contrasted it compares to his usual desires. it’s impersonal. would he not prefer making a baby the way he knows how? fucking it into you?

he moistens his lips and tells you the darker facets of why it agrees with him. how you don’t know what you’re getting when you subject yourself to the procedure. a complete stranger’s sperm being used on your perfect and untainted body in order to create life. who knows if they even gave you the semen of the donor you picked? what if a cruel doctor saw it fit to choose for you? that’s what he would do- in the shoes of a doctor. he’d decide none of these options were good enough for you and cum into a vial himself. fertilize you, completely without your knowing.

BUGGYYYYY!!!!!!! HIHIHIHI hello, hi hellooooo. You said Real shit and by fucking god you meant real shit.

First of all, I love how much this breaks out of what we tyically establish for anakin, because you're right it's impersonal, it's clinical, it's clean, it's everything the he considers completely un-erotic. But, you know our motto, "the question is never 'would anakin do this?' the question is 'how would he do this?'" So, let's talk about it!

cw ahead for: medkink, dubcon fantasy, noncon fantasy, impregnation kink

Honest to god, I feel this this would stem from his own personal mistrust of human medical professionals. Anakin does not like to be vulnerable, so if he's injured and in someone's care he just always prefers medical droids, he trusts them so much more because (for the most part, sans Artoo) they have no will to impose on other people's vulnerable, injured bodies. But then that gets him thinking about... vulnerability, and how much he likes seeing you be vulnerable. I like to think he tried imagining about some faceless doctor doing it and it left a bad taste in his mouth. He hates the idea of them feeling entitlement over your body like that, but him?

It's a rare thing for anakin to step out of his own shoes in fantasy, never really a stickler for day dreaming in that way, not since he was a kid, but he imagines himself as a doctor. He's masked, gloved, standing at the foot of your medical table, half hard at the sight of you in stirrups alone. He thinks about teasing his gloved fingers along your opening, probably cool and dry from being exposed like this. The way you'd jump if you werent expecting it, how you'd squeak the way you do when you're caught off guard.

"It's standard proceedure to elicit lubrication before inserting the apparatus, page 3 of the package you signed," he says. It isn't on page 3 at all, there's a tube of lube meant to go directly on the insemination device on the counter, just out of your eyeshot.

"Right, right sorry. I'm just a bit nervous," you settle back into your position.

He does decently to hide the way his breath is thin and high in his chest with arousal. when he speaks. "That's quite alright, no need to apologize." Stupid, he thinks. Stupid, girl, did you even bother to read the forms? it says nothing of the sort, you're so lucky it's him in this room with you and not some stranger who could be a lot meaner about this than he is.

He eases his finger in, god you're tight. The gloves must feel strange inside you, he doesn't miss the way you try not to squirm. You get wet easily enough, he has half a mind not to call you a slut and roughen up his pace for it. Sticking the apparatus inside you is... maker, he never thought he could get so hard. I can't tell you what it looks like in the SW universe, chrome, sleek smooth, in-fucking-human; watching it slide in goes straight to his dick. When it's deep enough there's gentle whir from the aparatus as it empties his cum inside you. He wishes it were messier, wishes you were gushing with it, who gives a fuck about efficiency if enough of his cum is being stuffed inside you to leak out of your hole. But those are impatient thoughts, the technology will do it's job, he trusts that. Soon enough, he'll get to watch you ache and swell.

This was so much fun, I've never writen med kink before! I'm gonna be so honest, appologies if there are any discrepansies with my literary usage of.. uh.. tenses. I wanted to get this idea down before I lost it. But yeah, thanks buggy!

[barrenclan]

imagine my surprise when the issue started WHOLESOME!!!!!! sure it was advertised as a baby issue but STILL!!!!! i fucking love cormorantpaw playing with them and giving them the childhood he couldn’t have, it makes me so happy. and he’s happy, too!! i’m sure if he heard what cootstorm said about them, he would have thrown hands. begging for more scenes of corm babysitting/playing with the kits, even in the bg. him being this happy about the babies being happy is just. AAA!!

of course, in patfw, wholesome bits can’t last forever. daffy is in the issue at what cost !!!! i love how she just casually drops it and YES I WANTED TO SEE HER REACTION BUT IT HURTS IT HURTS SO BAD. i love how complicated it is, daffodil’s feelings and pinepaw struggling to apologize due to how neither of them did wrong.. aagh. i love this causing daffodil to realize that she kinda forced herself to love cormorantpaw due to the circumstances, and her opening up about how she really thinks about romance! i know she deserves the love she can so easily give to others, and i love how just.. the cycle is still kinda referenced in this issue? not with dustfeather, but with cashew. i never thought we’d touch a cycle of abuse other than familial but i’m really happy we did now and it makes so much sense? abuse comes in many forms, after all!

mallowstar’s struggles of being a leader and blacknose’s struggles of being a mother, aaaaa. it’s so intertwined and so different and they really need eachother. also, more cycle discussion!!! mallowstar wanting to break free is sooo important to me, everyone needs that. hopefully the green isn’t defiance territory, though.. maybe if it is, throw cootstorm as a sacrifice and run

ALSO THAT ENDING???? HACKSAW GO AWAY I’M GONNA THROW HANDS RN 🤼🤼🤼🤼🤼🤼🤼🤼

i always love your writing and your expressions in these, keep up the great work!!

Hey, sometimes I do wholesome issues! They're not all depressing!

Cormorantpaw is the best babysitter ever, he's great with kids. He knows how to vibe on their level, and his lack of self-consciousness means he can really get into the spirit of a game or a kid's conversation.

PATFW when they ask me for emotional weight: hey what's all this emotional weight doing here??? Haha, I'm glad you liked the section with Daff, it wasn't always something I had planned to include in this issue but it ended up being necessary to resolve. Since Daff and Slugpelt are both very romantically-inclined characters (when Slug was young, at least), they share a lot of similar worries and needs, and having those problems that her mother faced unconsciously be consciously present in Daff's head has made her do a lot of thinking.

Mallowstar and Blacknose really are so good for each other, they're so sweet,, it's fun to write their interactions because it's just totally interpersonal drama-free. Mallow's been thinking about leaving for awhile, largely buoyed by Blacknose herself (the biggest BarrenClan radical), and I can confirm that the "western border" is opposite Defiance's territory, which is past the eastern border of BarrenClan territory. Hopefully they can get out in time!

But I can't end an issue in the second half of the comic without a little Horrors. :]

[destinygoldenstar]

☀️This Gabby Stan Supports Everything She Does☀️ - Total Drama Viewer Reacts to Disventure Camp Season 1 Episode 6 “The Most Tranquilous Game”

I'm aware of Season 3 airing. I put the poll on whether or not I should watch this while it was. By the time this comes out, this may or may not be before or after the finale of that season is released.

Quite obviously I'm not caught up so I'm not watching that right now. The only thing I know is that the finale is around the corner, and I heard a lot of people online saying they hate the Finalists for some reason.

I also saw awhile back a little meme image (that I won't show cause it's not mine) that "Jake is a garbage human being and he should die" or something.

(Became a Jake stan) ...huh, well ain't that a bit extreme.

That totally gives me hope that things will be civilized.

I didn't plan to get caught up by then, as I'd rather watch at my own pace and actually sink in what's happening so I understand it. I did the same thing with Total Drama. Because whatever show, you have to actually take any and all moments and dialogue into account, otherwise stuff gets misinterpreted.

I know half the time with these reactions I'm cracking jokes, but that's only my way of showing my investment. If I was bored and/or frustrated I wouldn't be doing that.

I hope that's understandable. I'd much rather enjoy this show and form my own opinions and takes from my own viewing experience. Obviously if I have major gripes with a plot element going forward, I'll say it, but for the most part I actually want to hear it out.

Indie Animation such as this get a lot of creative freedom to make whatever story and narrative they want. So instead of whining about corporate interference that isn't there, I'd rather say "I'll hear you out, and here's how I feel personally. Whether I think it was handled well or not with what you were trying to do."

So... I apologize if I show an opinion on something that isn't majority. Like if I like someone you hate or if I don't care for something you love. But also, I'm not gonna apologize for having them.

I'm an analyzer. My username is AnalyzGolden. I analyze stuff in the way I see it. It's in the name!

I'm like this with Digital Circus as well. I don't interact with much internet discourse surrounding it and I just want to do my own thing and see things through my lens and not others. Cause most indie animation fanbases have a reputation for being… shall we say, extreme.

So... I hope this is understandable.

I'm also thinking about doing a post on the tier list on the characters in this season once I'm done with this season. I think that'll be a fun way to properly explain my takes on all of them.

So with this out of the way, let's begin:

"It had some cool stuff that we can apply to the game!"

"It mentioned this 'Heather' person, who betrayed her alliances, abused her alliance members, and sabotaged a relationship!"

"Then there's 'Alejandro', who flirted with everybody and betrayed everybody, and also sabotaged relationships!"

"...I'm seeing a pattern."

"...but only if we ignore the section on teamwork."

XD

You guys are slaves to the demon child. I hope you're proud.

Btw I'm only hating on Fiore because she's the villain character and therefore she's supposed to be hated. I don't actually hate her as a character. She's quite interesting.

"Do you recall what I told you about my wife?"

Are we FINALLY getting info on this?

He's broke or something, right?

"That you don't get along?"

"We do get along. It's common for marriages to get testy, I'll have you know. I'm just hoping things will get better."

Aaaahhhh... okay.

I thought for a second it would be that, but I leaned more towards my theory of them being broke.

"If I win, I'll take my family somewhere to start a new life."

Add that to the list,

'Alec: Fix Family Bond'

Okay, who do we not have for a motive that's still here?

I don't think Miriam or Gabby mentioned theirs. Or Dan. Or... I think that's it.

"Wow, look at Romeo over here, I'm sure money will solve your marital problems."

That is sarcasm caught in 4k

Not the six year old roasting the life of a grown married man!

Ooh, Grett actually looks really good in pink. I'm just noticing her wearing that.

"Jake, how are you? Do you feel better?"

He might still be mourning. Idk what his mental state is after that.

AWWWWWWWWW💗

Now I'm actually giddy. What is wrong with me?! Why are they so great?

Going in, I was expecting Toxic Yaoi just cause of Tom's spy shit, but they're actually so sweet and wholesome and good for each other.

"I'm here if you need anything."

I can't imagine how it's like for Tom. I don't think he was imagining getting close with someone just cause of the spy profession.

"I like this boy, I want to be around him and help him out."

"Now don't worry about getting us breakfast today, I will get us the usual."

Idk how I like the sound of that tbh. XD

I just imagine Tom coming back and calling everyone to the meal. "BREAKFAST IS READY!!!"

...and it's just char XD

That also implies they work together to prepare meals for the group EVERY DAY. I love that.

No not Grett changing her facial expression from that!

"I smell gay! I didn't ask for that in my coffee this morning!"

"Jake and I really bonded in the last challenge, it sort of opened my eyes. It's gotten me to open up more to these kids."

Yeah, I actually like Miriam now. Before I was just kinda forgetting she was there, but I like her now.

"Do you like him?"

*Covers mouth to hold back the giddy noise from my mouth*

*Failing*

Oh my god she's actually going there! I did not expect that.

"Uh... maybe. He's just really good as a person towards me and I feel like we're really opening up to each other, you know? It's not that deep... maybe we'd go out for Chinese sometime. Maybe we'd catch a movie together."

"Tom, do you like him?"

"Uh, no?"

Huh?

You're lying. You gotta be lying.

"You always smile when you're talking to him."

"It's just... I like him, but not in that way."

Liar. Your scenes together say otherwise.

"I'm not ready to be in a relationship."

Oh...

Oh is that what it's about... yeah I would understand that.

"Recently... I was in a somewhat toxic relationship and things didn't end well."

OH.

Oh now that makes a lot of sense.

Was it SOMEWHAT toxic, or...?

I'm probably thinking too angsty about it.

"He cheated on me. And... I couldn't get over it."

OH MY GOD HONEY.

Well no shit you wouldn't get over that. That's awful!

Why did he do that?! Why would he want to hurt you like that?!

"Well you're young, unlike me, you still have a lot of time ahead of you."

Yeah... you can find someone better.

Oh shit, Grett...

OH WAIT CAUSE SHE KNOWS TOM IS A SPY, SHE SAW THE NOTES. OH MY GOD I KNOW WHAT SHE'S GONNA DO.

And because of Jake's past experience, he is NOT gonna take it well!

OH NO...

"Hey um... how's everything?"

"All good... I'm still here."

That sounds so sad.

"Yeah I'm still alive. A tornado hasn't slammed into us yet, you know?"

"Everyone tries to vote me out! Only Grett stayed by my side even though you said I shouldn't listen to her!"

EXACTLY.

This Gabby Stan supports everything she does.

"I'm sorry, I thought I could trust the guys, but I was wrong."

YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD TRUST THEM TO VOTE HER OUT AND YOU'RE SAYING THAT TO HER FACE?!

Dan. You're being a dick.

"I hope our team wins todays challenge because I'm not too confident about my position."

And I hope they don't so you get voted out!

...actually is that worth that risk? They could vote the others.

Dan, really, you're the only one on that team I wouldn't mind losing.

THIS IS SO UNEVEN, THEY'VE GOTTA MOVE SOMEONE

Like this is not fair!

"Today the challenge will be for individual immunities."

"Why?"

"Tonight, BOTH teams will go to elimination and vote a person off each of their teams."

WHAT?!

WE JUST HAD A DOUBLE ELIMINATION.

WHAT?!

"Double elimination AGAIN?!"

THANK YOU. THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.

"Well guess what? Life isn't fair."

...he do be spitting facts though.

OH GEEZ AND FLIP

Yeah uh, that doesn't look like a tranquilizer gun! THAT LOOKS LIKE A MACHINE GUN

HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO KILL EM

"It'll only put you asleep for a few minutes... hopefully."

Cut to everyone waking up from a ten year coma.

"If there's no way to avoid elimination tonight, I have to start preparing..."

*Gets a fashion ad*

I guess she's going to slay with her fashion sense 💅

"Gabby what were you doing talking to Dan this morning?"

"I was reading him for filth."

"You shouldn't talk to him!"

On the one hand, Dan is on your team. You kinda want to be on good terms.

On the other hand, it's Dan, so it's fine by me.

"But it's only a matter of time before her little cry-baby bonding session turns into an alliance."

"Oh boo hoo, my loves ones died! Who gives a shit?! UGH, people who mourn the dead are SO ANNOYING!!"

THIS MAN IS FIRING A SHOWER OF DARTS

He's also a bad aim apparently cause HOW DO NOT HIT ANYONE?!

He really is not subtle, is he?

"I don't want to be in a relationship or push it further, but I didn't say I can't crush!"

Tom's like "Why you pressing your hands like that?"

"I'm a wittle scawed of the bullets..."

"I think I saw Jensen."

"This way, come over here."

I thought you were trying to AVOID him. Why'd you want go towards him?

Oh shit here we go...

"Golden told be awhile back to tell you something very important!"

"Hey Grett. Maybe you should tell Jake something. Just a thought.

...

WAIT I SAID THAT AS A JOKE, HOLD ON-

"For some reason I have the urge to tell Jake something. Huh, wonder who this Golden Voice is.""

DAMMIT ME, I TOLD HER TO SLAY. I DIDN'T SPECIFY WHO TO SLAY.

SLAY PASS MISFIRE

"Tom was lying to you. It was Tom who voted for Drew."

Ooooooohhhh god...

I'm like preparing myself for the blowout.

"Because Drew found out his little secret."

"What secret?"

"The whole sun sensitivity story is fake. He lied to you because he's a spy."

*DREAD*

"What are you talking about? Is this a joke?"

*DREAD*

"He's here for work. You mean nothing to him other than a way to blend in more."

*DREAD*

"Come on Jake, Grett has clearly lost it."

IT HURTS BECAUSE SHE'S TELLING THE TRUTH

I'm CONFLICTED. Not my best girls HURTING my best boy!!

What do I do? Do I support her...? I don't know...

OH NO HE'S BACK.... UGH...

At least it's earlier in the season so they have a chance to bounce back... I don't... I don't know...

This is gonna be so ugly. Jake is gonna be HURT.

"I get hurt and traumatized by my ex! I lose my grandma! AND NOW THIS SHIT. I CAN'T CATCH A BREAK!"

"Tom! You're not gonna believe this!"

"Believe what?"

"Grett was saying the strangest things about you!"

"Wh-what did she say?"

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMHHHHH *mouth covered*

"She said you were the one who voted Drew because, get this, he found out you were a spy?!"

NO TOM YOU CAN'T ACT?!?!

I mean I don't think he should lie any further, but...

"I can explain!! It's not what you think!!!"

"Wait what? It's true?!"

"It's not that simple!"

Just hear him out! I can explain EVERYTHING! I know you're upset, but please hear me out!

"Oh my god... it really is! So you're just here for your job!"

"And our friendship, was that just to blend in too?! Did you ever care about me at all?! Was any of it real, HUH?!"

JAKE, HONEY, I'M SO SORRY.

I know you being upset is understandable! It still hurts!

I can imagine what's going through his head though. His loved ones have a habit of either dying or lying to him and hurting him, and now turns out his new crush is a spy?

"Jake, calm down-"

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!"

OH GOD

"I don't owe you anything! It's my life! Step off, Jake!"

DON'T BE LIKE THAT, YOU'RE ALREADY OUTTED!

"Oh EXCUSE ME if I don't want to be part of your 'super cool' spy plan!"

"Can you stop telling the whole goddamn neighborhood?!"

OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH GOOOOOOOOOODDDDD!!!!

And they got shot...

Oh my god, I need a minute to CALM DOWN.

Was that... I mean I know that was a Tom liar reveal, but was that a Jake true personality reveal?!

Is he an asshole?!

Goddammit, he IS an asshole, isn't he? I WAS ROUTING FOR YOU.

I'm calming down, I'm calming down...

Tom and Jake are gonna drive me FUCKING. CRAZY.

I don't think that's how those pans work, I think the darts would stick to the pan, not bounce off of it.

GO FIORE!!!

She pulled a Rapunzel.

And this man shot a child.

Why are you wasting time digging a hole?!

There's a man with a machine gun!

"What revenge?"

"Against Dan."

Go ahead Gabby. I support whatever you do.

"Why don't we just focus on getting to the lake?"

EXACTLY.

"No! We eliminate the competition first, and search for the lake after."

So anyway, I feel like someone's getting immunity right now...

*thinks about it*

OH WAIT NO CAUSE THEY GOT THE TRIO SHOT.

Okay NOW I get it.

"How come you're helping me? You know only one of us can win, right?"

No I think he's gonna betray you.

Should've kept Lilly and Ashley around Ellie. This is your karma.

"You would do the same for me."

"Uh... yeah. Sure..."

*cuts to confessional*

"I definitely wouldn't."

XD

I can't blame her though.

"And then Jake said 'I need you to tell me what's going on' and Tom said 'I don't owe you anything' and then Jensen popped out and BAM!"

XD

NOT GABBY SLANDERING THE BOYS, I'M DEAD

She do be right though...

BYE HAVE A GOOD TIME!!

"You can play guilty while putting together a raft. I don't want to get wet."

"We're on National TV! I'll get my hair wet!" - SAME ENERGY

"Sometimes I just like to do what I want and not be bossed around."

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

As a Grett Stan, GET HER ASS GIRLIE

Like, I'm defending ZERO of Grett's actions. She's a bad person. But it's just because how she goes about being a bad person that interests me so much.

Oh so NOW they stick!

SLAAAAAYYYY GABBBYYYYYYYY!!!!!

OH NO ELLIE.

WHOOPS. SLAY PASS MISFIRE

(Twice in a row, Gabby...)

"It's my plan. I did all the hard work. I deserve it."

...I mean she DID do shit, but also...

"I know you weren't helpful today! We all know that without me, you couldn't have made it this far."

"All day I've been doing what you say, AND YOU NEVER EVER SAY THANK YOU!!!"

GET HER GIRL!!!

"YOU WERE SITTING ON YOUR FAT ASS THIS WHOLE TIME!!! I'M DONE WITH YOU GRETT!! JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE PROJECTING YOUR ISSUES WITH YOUR BROTHER AND PARENTS DOESN'T MEAN I SHOULD FEEL BAD FOR YOU!!! WE ALL HAVE PROBLEMS, BUT YOU CAN'T TREAT PEOPLE LIKE THIS!!"

YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSS

QUEEN

QUEEN

QUEEN

QUEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNN!!!!!!

I mean, I love Grett too... BUT.

LET'S BE HONEST. GABBY DESERVES THIS.

🎉YEEEAAAHHH!!! GABBY FOR THE WIN!! LET'S GOOOO!!!!🎉

WE STAN GABBY IN THIS HOUSEHOLD

I SUPPORT HER

And Alec gets it too.

Cool. I guess.

I mean he's fine, I just like others more.

"Yeah... just one of the rafts broke my bamboo."

"And also hit me in the face. I was lucky not to drown."

"Do I need you to give me my totem?"

OH YEAH I FORGOT SHE HAD AN IDOL

Sorry, TOTEM, I keep saying idol.

Honestly, yeah, you gotta play it. Cause I guarantee you you're gone if you don't.

"No I'm fine. I think tonight's decision will be an easy one."

ELLIE YOU'RE GONE.

"Golden put me in the heading! That MUST mean I'm safe!"

NO. SWEETIE NO. IT'S A BAD LUCK CHARM. DON'T TRUST ME!

God I think I jinxed Ellie...

They're STILL pissed.

Miriam is gonna come to me like, "Golden, you're having Toxic Yaoi for dinner tonight."

"Grett, I'm sorry, I don't regret taking the immunity."

As you shouldn't.

"If you don't vote for Dan tonight, you're out next."

...okay.

Is Miriam gonna convince them to vote Grett out?!

"I don't know if I can trust Tom after betraying the guys alliance..."

FUCK YOUR GUYS ALLIANCE.

THAT'S ALL YOU TALK ABOUT.

And besides, it's screwed.

Tom and Jake divorced.

"I'M STILL ANGRY AT YOU! WHY DO I KEEP LIKING PEOPLE WHO HURT ME?!"

"There's no way you can win the next challenge with her here."

Especially since she's a kid who has limitations. It is the smarter move.

"I would've preferred the three of us to make it to the merge, but there's no other option."

Honestly I would've preferred that too and that's what I thought would happen. Guess not.

"I like Fiore, but Ellie is more useful in challenges..."

It's up to Alec.

Alright... let's see what we've got this time. This should be interesting.

XD

DEAR GOD JAKE.

"THIS IS MY DIVORCE PAPER!"

Dammit, why'd he have to be an asshole, huh?

Of course Miriam writes in cursive.

"You can fool these Gen Z'ers..."

XD

Miriam's climbing up my tier list.

YES, SLANDER GEN Z

Alright, Teal's up first.

'DAN'

I mean, I prefer it be Dan just cause I like Grett, but also...

I don't think I'm gonna be mad.

'GRETT'

I like how Trevor says her name.

'JAKE'

XD

NO SHOT THEY BOTH THREW JUST CAUSE THEY WERE SO PISSED WITH EACH OTHER

XD

"AND NOW YOU VOTE FOR ME?! WHAT'D YOU SAY TO ME?!"

'TOM'

'GRETT'

And then the last vote is Grett.

Damn.

A fav is gone.

RIP.

"Sorry. We won't tolerate you any longer."

YES GABBY

"You think I care?! Because I don't!"

I think she does care though.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH

I DID NOT EXPECT THAT.

HOLY GOD, THEY ARE A THING.

'ELLIE'

'FIORE'

Ellie's gone, isn't she?

I KNEW IT.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE PUT HER IN THE HEADING.

I thought she was gonna make it further, tbh.

"Good luck winning challenges with a six year old."

Wah wah waaaahhh...

AWWWWWWWWW NOT GRETT CRYING

I WAS READY FOR YOU TO GO, BUT NOW YOU'RE MAKING IT HARD

"I've already won a lot in my life..."

The shakiness of her voice. OUCH.

OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH

THEY'RE NOT GOING, ARE THEY?!

*I got a safelife repair ad*

XD

"SAFELIFE REPAIR, SAVE YOUR BUTTS WITH THIS SECOND CHANCE!"

OH NO HE POSTED IT?!?!?!

OH THAT'S BAD...

Oh god, that's gonna be bad for Tom's mission, isn't it? Whatever it is he's doing.

I mean lets be honest though... that post isn't Jake's fault. How's he supposed to know that would happen?

NOT ME DEFENDING JAKE AFTER THAT-

Ugh... I had a gut feeling though, cause I saw people HATING Jake's character and calling him the worst.

HE'S AN ASSHOLE, NOOOOOOO...

Okay, BUT, I don't hate him. Surprisingly enough.

I'm actually intrigued by his character a lot more now.

I thought he was gonna be the precious bean. The sweetest character. But no, he's petty and impulsive.

I HAVE to give credit though, this is NOT something that came out of nowhere for me. He did snap at Nick in Episode 4 for stubbing his toe, and they established this episode more of Jake's past to add more context to his POV.

So he was in a toxic relationship before and got betrayed by it. That makes perfect sense to me. I understand why he'd be pissed. Tom lied to him.

But he DEFINATELY overreacted towards it. It's one thing to yell at the heat of the moment, it's another to vote for him just because you're pissed.

So, yeah, I'm not excusing his behavior, I'm just understanding WHY.

"OH NO! A character is revealed to have FLAWS. And said flaws made things worse for other people! Well clearly I hate them now!!"

I'm not doing that.

I'm just not that kinda person in how I view media. I don't hate characters just because they have flaws. When you're watching Total Drama, you gotta have that mindset too. Cause in that show, there's A LOT of characters that do screwed up things and it's wrong. So I'm used to it.

If anything, I guess Jake being revealed to have negative traits makes him a lot more interesting now. Cause yeah, I've been there. It sucks. Well, I wasn't in a toxic romantic relationship, but a toxic friendship when I was younger. It lasted for years so it left me pretty distasteful to the people around me and everyone hated me for... acting like Jake did here, honestly. How bout that?

Him and Tom are gonna BREAK ME, I can tell.

At least the lie is outed earlier in the season, so it's not as bad as it could've been...?

Like, it would've been a lot uglier later and it resulted in one of them getting voted off.

But at least they can work this out, right? Cool off, come clean, and repair the damage. Then go out for Chinese Food and hang out by the lake. Everything will be fine. They'll get their Chinese date. IT'LL ALL BE FINE.

...god, looks like I'm having Toxic Yaoi for dinner tonight.

I love Gabby's development SO MUCH HERE. SHE'S TAKING CHARGE. WE LOVE HER. WE SUPPORT EVERYTHING SHE DOES.

Really, of my favs, Gabby is the ONLY one who ACTUALLY did nothing wrong. It looks to be that way.

I didn't expect her to kiss Ellie though. That was cute.

I was expecting that to be just a friendship, but I definitely don't hate this.

Too bad Ellie's 'gone'.

Should've used that idol.

And I shouldn't have put her in the heading. I jinxed an elimination yet again.

I'm a Grett stan. I definitely want to analyze her in the character tier list I'm gonna do after this. That way I can properly explain WHY I like her so much. As a villain, obviously. I think she has a lot more depth to her than shallow "I'm a mean girl".

But I'm also not mad that she got voted off. It is deserved. And let's face it, Grett was never winning anyway.

Anyway, idk if this will get any attention because of the Season 3 finale, but hey, I can continue these if you guys seem interested and entertained by them.

[viviennevermillion]

Cuddling Headcanons

notes: reposting bc I’m deleting my archived sideblogs

contains: azul ashengrotto x gn!reader

warnings: none

First off Azul is touch-starved™ and receiving affection especially if it’s early on in the relationship will make him melt.

Secondly, you don’t believe how easily this man cries out of happiness. He doesn’t want to but more than often he will shed at least a few tears when being showered with love. Especially if he had a stressful day. Especially if it’s during long cuddling sessions. Especially if it’s late at night because he gets sappy when tired.

Poor guy comes back from a dorm leader meeting with everyone arguing for a solid hour and a half and Crowley going on a long rant about how generous he is; so Azul’s all the more glad when he finds you having fallen asleep in his bed after waiting for him to come back. You have your own room key which is technically not allowed in NRC but we must not forget that Azul was somehow able to bribe Crowley so one room key isn’t going to get him into trouble.

He didn’t intend on waking you up, but you did when he put his arms around you. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” His apology gets cut off by your lips softly pressing onto his own. Kisses already make him melt but getting them unexpectedly makes his heart beat faster and makes him lean into your touch even more.

You both smile into the kiss and you run a hand through Azuls hair, helping him unwind after the dorm leader meeting.

He’s laying on the side, pushing himself up with his lower arm and slightly leaning over you; gently laying a hand against your cheek and putting soft kisses to your forehead.

This is the point where one of you tells the other you’ve missed them. Sometimes you end up speaking in unison.

You look into each other’s eyes with a smile on your faces and you press a kiss onto the tip of Azul’s nose, which makes his smile widen.

You pull him down into your arms and he wraps his own arms tightly around you. He starts quietly telling you about his day or the dorm leader meeting or his work for a while with you occasionally placing kisses onto his forehead and running your fingertips across his back.

At this point he’s still the smooth talker he presents himself to be in public; smirking a lot and adding the usual level of drama to his voice when he tells you about something.

Azul talks a lot when you cuddle, unless he’s overwhelmed. He enjoys getting his thoughts out to someone he can trust in a comfortable setting and it helps him de-stress at the end of the day. You listen to eachother attentively while being tangled up in each other’s arms.

At some point your sentences become more quiet whispers. You talk about your feelings, saying you love each other and throwing in the occasional compliment. Once Azul knows he can trust you and that he can be open with you, these things come easy to him and he never gets tired of them.

Ever since you two got together he doesn’t lose his composure anymore when being confronted with lots of compliments or being teased by you. Before that verbal affection used to catch him off guard and occasionally make him flustered.

A very different story, however, is anything that involves his octopus form. It took him ages to even be willing to show you this form or get comfortable being around you like this and it’ll take him even longer to stop being a flustered mess and calming down when he’s in his octopus form.

It’s always the same thing over and over again: he transforms, you start reassuring him that he’s beautiful and that you love him while holding him tight and he’ll eventually start to ramble about how “maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all” or awkwardly trying to cover his tentacles with the blanket in an attempt for you not to see the form he dislikes. It usually ends with him turning onto his stomach and burying his face in the pillow so you can’t see his flushed cheeks.

Place a couple of soft kisses between his shoulder blades and you’ll make it worse. He loves it so much but he’s still self-conscious about his merman form and the goosebumps on his skin aren’t making it any better.

So he’ll eventually turn around and bury his face in your neck instead, wrapping his tenctacles and arms around you.

Which is great because Azul has 10 limbs. He can hug you with 10 limbs instead of two.

Azul Ashengrotto also lowkey reinvented the concept of massages because again, the man has 10 limbs and 8 of them are highly flexible. He doesn’t even need to change his position to do that, he can just keep being wrapped in your arms comfortably and kissing you while he’s massaging your arms, legs and back all at the same time.

Azul is a very affectionate partner, for one because he’s so touch-starved and on the other hand because he needs a lot of validation and love to heal from his past. And he might get embarrassed easily or struggle to wrap his head around the fact that you love him no matter what but receiving care and kind words when he’s in this form helps him a lot in getting more comfortable in his own skin and putting a few positive comments about it into his mind in contrast to all the negative ones he so vividly remembers.

Kiss one of his tentacles and he’ll break. In, like, a good way. I headcanon they’re really sensitive and receiving touch like this to a part of himself he has struggled to accept for so long and still struggles to accept in addition to being emotional overall in this form and also in love with you will make him a mess™. This is the point where he starts crying. It’s as much of a contrast to his usual calm and witty facade as his state after his overblot was to the shady business man people knew him as.

So there you have Azul Ashengrotto, curled up in your arms and pressing his face into your shoulder while he’s letting out quiet sobs out of happiness.

“Please don’t stop”, he mutters quietly, face flushing red immediately when he realizes what he said. Azul apologizes and you reassure him that there’s nothing wrong with what he said and that you enjoy making him feel loved.

After a while he’s just shaking his head and repeating “I love you” at least once every 2 minutes because he’s feeling so much and can’t put it into words but he needs to express it somehow.

If you’re as emotional as him it happens that you two just end up smiling at eachother with tears in your eyes, unable to comprehend all you feel for one another. (crying together can in fact be a bonding moment)

You always notice when he’s having doubts about himself or his octopus form and you’ll make an effort to reassure him that he’s perfect for you the way he is.

“I will love you until you learn to love yourself, Azul” “How about after that too?” You smile at him. “It’s a deal.”

[dreamctz]

thoughts on jtbc’s run on: mi-joo’s past (spoilers ahead)

wow, I haven’t been this obsessed with a kdrama in a LONG time. I binged all the released episodes a few days ago and OH BABY this drama got me good. the cinematography, the writing, the script, the depth and nuance of the characters, the acting WHEW I’m here for it. I’m a little anxious about the coming episodes bc the midway point is usually when I see promising kdrama storylines start to go downhill, but I have yet to be disappointed *fingers crossed*

I rarely ever comment on kdramas (or on anything online, for that matter), but I just really appreciate how run on is unraveling and handling mi-joo’s past experiences and traumas. tidbits of and clues to her youth and past are sprinkled throughout, but it’s not really forced down the viewers’ throats in the form of endless flashbacks (as in other kdramas). episode 3 exemplifies this—when seon-gyeom runs to catch up to her during her nighttime stroll, she gets really startled and starts crying. it’s pretty clear she has experienced some kind of trauma that triggers this response, but it’s not really elaborated on beyond what she wants to reveal to seon-gyeom in that moment. I like that mi-joo’s character isn’t defined by her past struggles and impoverished background and is focused more on her present self, even though her past still obviously manifests itself in some ways. it’s a refreshing departure from the “poor but plucky and headstrong heroine” narrative that’s present in a lot of other dramas, where the female lead’s disadvantaged situation is emphasized to the max to evoke audience sympathy. run on instead gives more opportunities for the viewer to relate to mi-joo in ways that stem more from her actions and personality rather than her circumstances. and I really like how the drama handled that scene as whole, especially with seon-gyeom’s apology and comforting response. it treats mi-joo’s trauma with the gravity that it deserves, not writing it off as a “funny” moment and giving her the space to process and talk about it. 

throughout the drama, we’ve been given a lot information on seon-gyeom’s background, which is fitting, given his famous family and his status as a national athlete, where his personal life and relationships are always under scrutiny—but we’ve only been offered rare glimpses of mi-joo’s past. it feels more subtle and organic this way, as if we’re discovering mi-joo at the same time seon-gyeom is, only learning more about her on her own terms and as seon-gyeom spends more time with her. she definitely seems more guarded about her past, like when she worries whether seon-gyeom overhears her friends talking about her parents in the hotel restaurant, and it’s consistent with her discussion of “walls” in episode 7 (”then you shouldn’t have climbed over the wall I had put up. you act as if you don’t have walls and then climb over mine so easily”). she seems apprehensive to bare herself when she perceives that seon-gyeom isn’t reciprocating to the same degree; she doesn’t want to be vulnerable with him if she thinks that she risks being disappointed by him later on. 

[latelyanobsession]

She's A Runner - Part Seven

credit

summary the claws are out. the heels dug in. you couldn't be angrier and the same goes for billy. a pair of powderkegs waiting to blow. who will win?

warnings references to past sexual assault, cursing, trauma response behavior, angst, relationship drama, smut, fluff

word count 6,470

note apologies for the delay in getting this out to you guys. my new semester has started and its taken a while to get school stuff under control. chapters will be out just not as frequently as had been during the summer. Inspired by Billy Squier’s She’s A Runner

Part Five / Part Six

As always any feedback is much appreciated. Thanks for reading!

You lazily pulled into the parking lot the next morning, the radio drowning your thoughts as you parked in your usual spot.

You sat there a moment thinking. Petey watching you timidly from the passenger's seat as you backed the car out again, repositioning it before killing the engine.

Getting out and locking the doors you admired your handiwork. The back half of your car angled nearly forty-five degrees into the adjacent slot.

Into Billy's spot.

"Let's go..." you said coldly to Petey as you gave his shoulder a small shove.

As you walked down the hill towards the high school, a loud whining horn of protest echoed through the air. You straightened your back and walked inside.

Serves you right, you asshole.

Your little stunt made Billy late to First Period, panting as he sprinted in the door at the last moment. Taking his seat, his eyes ripped into your form, seething.

Lips pulled in a taught sneer behind your textbook, you ignored him. Scribbling out your notes as Mr. Dawson began the lecture.

About ten minutes into the class a paper ball bounced onto your desk.

You stared at it a long moment before poking it away to the floor with the end of your pencil.

Another paper wad landed a few moments later. Followed by a third one.

You callously brushed them off your desk.

"Psssssst......" a familiar sound hit your ears.

You refused to look over, pressing your pencil harder to the notebook paper.

"Psssst.. Pssssst!" he was becoming incessant.

One final note landed on your desk.

"Pssssssssssst...!" he sounded desperate.

"Mr. Hargrove!" Mr. Dawson came to rest by your desk, picking up all the loose messages. "...Please leave your snake charming for after school..."

Your classmates started laughing, Billy sinking down in his seat, slapping his notebook shut in frustration.

He was going to get your attention today one way or another.

The bell rang and you packed up your bag, dodging out the door at the back of the classroom to avoid him.

You were actually doing a stellar job today avoiding Billy, but you could feel him everywhere.

His eyes were on you. It would only be a matter of time before the game ended and you would no longer have the upper hand.

That was until JJ offered to walk you to your next couple of classes. A locker door loudly slamming in the background.

You smiled subtly. Game won.

The day ended and Billy was nowhere. The camaro off to the far side of the hill by the school entrance.

You felt a little sad. A tad guilty. But your pride and anger quashed those feelings quickly.

Heading out to your car, a familiar figure was leaning against it. You groaned in annoyance.

"I have nothing to say to you..." you warned upon approach.

He huffed, lighting a cigarette as you unlocked your car tossing your bag inside.

"So you gonna be a bitch now?" he bit through pursed lips, holding onto his cigarette, the embers glowing as he inhaled.

You shot him a look but didn't answer, motioning with your hands for him to move.

He remained, taking a leisurely drag. You rolled your eyes.

If he wasn't going to move, he would when you peeled out.

Opening the driver's door, you went to step in as a hand clamped down on your wrist, stopping you. And for the first time today you looked Billy in the eyes.

"Let go..." you growled, flexing your wrist but not fighting him.

His gaze was intense, his expression angry, as he searched your features.

You swallowed nervously, you weren’t used to him looking at you this way.

He said nothing for a long while. It was as if he were fighting with himself for the right words to say.

“You should stay away from him...” he finally spoke, tapping his cig against the wheel well.

You quirked an eyebrow, “from who...? From JJ?”

Billy said nothing, taking a long pull in acknowledgment and slowly exhaling the smoke from his lungs.

Your temper was rising. 

He had some nerve. Telling you what to do. Who to see...

“You gonna hospitalize him too if I don’t?” you answered snidely, trying to pull away.

“Hey!” he barked, grip tightening, startling you. “This is serious shit, ok?” 

Rising off the car he closed the space between you. Reeling you in, practically nose to nose.

Your heart rate was skyrocketing, each beat echoing in your ears.

He was scaring you.

“You stay away from him, you hear me Y/N...” his eyes searing into yours. “You need to... stay. away.”

He released you.

Petey was staring from the other side of the car as you snatched your wrist back, pulling it to your chest and clambering into the car.

You hastily started the ignition, tears threatening to fall.

“You ok?” your brother asked glaring at Billy through the windshield.

“I’m fine...” you lied, thrusting into reverse and rushing out of the parking lot.

Smoking his cigarette down to the filter, Billy stood in the lot. Even after Max had arrived.

“What’s the matter?” she asked. 

Spitting rudely, he walked around to the driver’s side of the camaro, slamming the door after him.

“None of your fuckin business...” he grumbled, revving the engine as he drove off.

The following day, Friday, you didn’t see or hear from Billy. 

You were thankful for his absence as the day came and went.

A part of you thought that you may have to swallow your pride and hunt him down as much as you didn’t want to. But you battled yourself.

Feeling conflicted by having hurt Billy while also feeling righteous in your own about how he had confronted you yesterday in the parking lot.

You hated how all of this felt, locking eyes momentarily with him as he got into the camaro after school, driving away.

Saturday evening crept up on you, Petey being unusually helpful. Fetching your favorite earrings for you as you continued to mess with your hair in the bathroom mirror.

You were actually getting rather good at dolling yourself up from all the times you’d been out with Billy. Fluffing up the volume on the soft waves in your hair, you pinned back a section with the bobby pins held between your lips as the doorbell rang.

“I got it!” Petey shouted, bounding down the stairs. The front door opened and a voice started pleasantly chatting away with Petey down below.

Slipping on your black leather boots, you turned once and checked your reflection. It was as good as it was going to get.

Heading down the stairs your eyes met JJ’s as he rose from the couch, engrossed in a deep conversation with Petey about his open X-Men comics on the coffee table.

“Wow....” he breathed, eyes appraising you.

You smiled coyly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

“You look amazing!” he praised. 

Your face flushed as he leaned in and kissed your cheek sweetly.

“You gotta be back by 2...” Petey reminded you, as you pulled your jean jacket on. 

“I know...” you rolled your eyes. “Don’t burn the house down while I’m gone.”

“I knoooow...” he repeated obnoxiously as you took JJ’s hand and headed out the door. 

Helping you into his Ford Ranger, JJ started her up and headed off.

“I couldn’t say it in front of your kid brother, but... you look really hot...” he stated, pulling down the main road towards Tina’s.

“Oh?” you said shyly.

He chuckled. “Yeh. Didn’t know you wore things like that...” he snuck a glance at you as he turned the corner.

“Well I guess there’s a lot you don’t know about me...” you challenged.

A sly grin creased his lips. “That so huh?”

Pulling into the neighborhood, there were already cars lined down the street. JJ pulled up to some bare curb a block away. 

“Looks killer...” he commented, turning off the engine and opening his door.

The distant thumping of bass could already be heard as he came around and helped you out, wrapping his hands around your waist, he hoisted you down.

Tina’s house was large, and the front door was open as the two of you walked in. You first, JJ following behind, his hand on the small of your back.

He’d clearly been here before as he guided you through the front of the house to the larger living room located down a small flight of stairs near the back of the home.

There were so many people. People you’d never seen before. They had to be from different schools. But JJ seemed to know them all. High-fiving and shouting greetings over the music to anyone who came his way.

He was the polar opposite of Billy. A social butterfly. Widely liked and respected. Boisterous and outgoing. Friendly and warm.

“I’ll get us something to drink...” he said loudly in your ear. You shook your head ‘no’, but he didn’t seem to see it. Walking off.

“What the hell’re you doing here?” a voice harshly rasped in your ear.

You turned your head to meet a familiar pair of aquamarine eyes.

“Enjoying myself...” you answered petulantly, crossing your arms.

Billy licked his lips, an annoyed smile crossing his face.

“Funny... you told me you hated parties.”

“Well I thought I’d try again...” you lied, averting your gaze.

Billy shook his head in disbelief, taking a drink from the cup in his hand.

The whole week he’d been fuming. Irritated by you, the words you had spoken. 

The act you had pulled in the parking lot with JJ to try and make him jealous. Which you had.

And here you were at a party. A party you’d never wanted to go with him to ... Trussed up in a little black dress, with your damned eyes batting at anyone but him. 

It was enough to drive him through the roof. 

This was just more gas on the fire.

JJ returned with two cups in his hands, giving you one, which you reluctantly took. Billy looked at you accusingly.

Gas on the bonfire more like.

“Hargrove...” JJ acknowledged, toasting his cup before drinking.

“Johnson.” Billy replied with spite.

You looked at the contents in the drink nervously. You’d heard stories around school about the drinking that went on at Tina’s parties.

You’d never had a drop of anything touch your lips before.

What if it wasn’t just alcohol? Your mother warned you plenty of times about that.

“Something wrong?” JJ inquired, arm wrapping around your waist.

You stiffened slightly under his touch, his eyes watching you. His thumb tracing small circles in your side. You clenched your jaw to ground yourself.

“N-No... ‘course not.” you lied, “Just want to pace myself.” you smiled weakly.

“You gonna gawk at my date all night Hargrove...or we gonna have a problem?” JJ warned not so kindly.

Billy’s grip tightened around his cup, noticing your discomfort as JJ pulled you into his side.

“No... No problem...” he glared at JJ, looking at you one final time before walking away.

He had warned you. Told you to stay away. But you had made your choice.

And as much as it absolutely killed Billy to see you here. To see you standing with JJ.

He had to let you learn. After all... you said it yourself. You didn’t need him.

“Glad you shook him...” JJ mused, taking another drink. “You’re better off without him. You’ll see.”

You hummed a small reply. 

“You should really try this...” JJ encouraged you with a smile, tapping his cup against yours. “It’ll loosen you up a bit.”

You nodded feebly, lifting the cup to your lips and taking a small sip. The sweetly tart, punchy red liquid overwhelming your palate. 

You wrinkled your nose at the mix of tastes left on your tongue. Orange. Coconut. Pineapple. Lemon. And a few lower notes you couldn’t identify.

“C’mon, lets dance.” JJ pulled you by the waist and into the throng of people.

The music swallowed you as JJ spun you and dragged you in close, tilting the cup to your lips again.

You obligingly took a long drink. Drinking deeper than you intended. He didn’t let the cup down for a time, making you cough when he finally did. A satisfied smile on his face.

“How do you feel?” he yelled in your ear over the roar of the music.

“I’m supposed to feel something?” you asked naively.

He nodded, hands running over your hips as he pulled you flush against him.

You were starting to feel hot. The room was getting stuffy. Bodies were everywhere.

Spinning you again he pressed your back against him, his nose buried against the nape of your neck, smelling your hair. A finger tracing up the hem of your dress.

A chill ran through you, as his lips pressed against bare skin. Your head was swimming as he sent you for another turn.

“I... I need air.” you sputtered.

You sloppily pushed away from him, portions of your drink spilling over the rim of the cup as you headed for the nearest open doorway.

Walking out into the back yard you tossed your drink into a nearby planter, closing your eyes and breathing in the cool night air.

JJ appeared beside you slipping his arm around your shoulder. “Everything ok?”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you pushed his arm off. “No it’s not...”

“I don’t like you touching me...”

JJ looked confused. “What?”

You crossed your arms, leaning against the garden wall to steady yourself. Your head feeling increasingly fuzzy.

“Why do you have to touch me so much?” you asked.

JJ smiled charmingly, “because I like you...” he closed the space between you, a hand grabbing your waist, the other around the back of your neck.

“You’re doing it again...” you complained.

“Doing what...?” he mumbled leaning in.

“It’s too much.” you stated.

He was pulling you close. Dipping his head. He was trying to kiss you.

You shoved him away.

“What the hell Y/N!?” JJ growled in irritation. “I thought you wanted this?”

“I said it’s too much!” you looked up at him, “you’re not listening!”

JJ looked off to the side, biting his cheek in annoyance before looking back.

“God what they say about you is true...” he brooded.

You raised an eyebrow, “Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

JJ scoffed, “That you’re a prude. Damn frigid. No wonder you’re still a virgin.”

If only he really knew...what an ironic twist that’d be.

“No one’s gonna put up with you!” he spat, “It’s a wonder Hargrove kept you as long as he did!”

You slapped him.

You were roiling. Eyes sparkling with hate.

“That’s what I am huh? Ice Queen? Good to know. Fuck you JJ!” you shouted, stalking off.

Pushing back through the party you made your way out the front door and down the driveway. You weren’t exactly sure how far from home you were but you didn’t care. You were going home.

Watching the entire scene unfold Billy tailed you out the door waiting to see what you’d do.

You huffed, looking left then right before tearing off down the sidewalk heading eastward hoping you’d eventually hit a cross street that you’d recognize.

Billy exhaled, shaking his head and ditching his cup.

You hadn’t been walking for long when the steady thrum of guitars pulled up beside you.

“Get in...” Billy stated simply, turning back the volume as the riff reached a pitch.

“I’m walking.” you replied with a visible shiver as you kept on, rounding the left corner to Castle Hill Way.

“Don’t be an idiot...” he called ducking his head to stare at you through the open window.

“Get in the damn car.”

You laughed sardonically. “I don’t think so...” you shoved your hands in your pockets. 

You continued for another three blocks, the camaro ambling along beside you.

“I don’t need -” 

“Yah I know”, Billy cut you short, tapping his fingers along to the newest tune as the tape turned over.

You finally hit Sycamore Street. It was just two over to Birch. Praise above.

He was still following you, as you turned down your street, your house in sight.

“I’ve walked home plenty of times alone y’know.” you said grudgingly.

“That so...” he contemplated, pulling into your driveway.

You were indignant. You couldn’t believe he followed you all the way home!

Killing the engine, he popped the lock getting out.

You ran for it. Up the front steps and inside. Locking the door.

Safe.

He knocked. 

“Open the door Y/N.”

You childishly turned off the porch light, hoping he’d take the hint.

He banged on the door louder. “You can open up or I can just shout...” he warned. 

“Let the neighbors in on everything. How bout it?”

Flicking back on the light, the blinds in the front window parted as you squinted out at him.

He wouldn’t dare. It was way late.

He took a step back inhaling deeply, jaw slackening.

You scrambled with the deadbolt.

“Are you crazy?!” you hissed opening the door just enough to poke your face out.

He smirked. A light huff of a laugh.

“This isn’t funny.” you reprimanded him.

“Isn’t it?” he reflected. “Let me in. We gotta talk.”

“No we don’t” you responded stubbornly, going to slam the door.

He shoved a booted foot in the door jam.

You pursed your lips, face twisting in frustration as you reluctantly let him inside.

Standing in the living room, you eyed each other.

“Well...” he said.

“Well what?” you answered dumbly.

“You owe me an apology.” he replied boldly.

You scoffed, “an apology? For what?!”

It had completely escaped you that you had done something offensive to Billy. That you were the instigator.

“You were the one letting Vicki Carmichael put her lips all over you” you charged.

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t give a fuck about Vicki...”

“She’s just a friend.”

“That’s a hell of a friend. I’ve nev-!” you started.

Billy interrupted you, grabbing you around the middle and lifting you onto his shoulder.

“Put me down!” you spluttered, wiggling uneasily against him.

He swatted your ass. “Quiet...”

He headed for the stairs.

Arriving in your room, he unceremoniously dropped you onto your bed, going to shut the door.

“Y’know...” he chittered, leaning on the door, “I told you to stay away from him.”

You looked at him angrily, sitting up on the bed.

“I’m not apologizing for that...”

Billy smirked, sitting down beside you, taking your chin between his thumb and forefinger.

“Worked out for you though didn’t it?” he reasoned, delving in and pressing his lips upon yours.

That smartass comment burned. Billy may have been right all along but that didn’t mean you were going to just give in.

You bit him.

A sharp grunt of pain leaving his throat as he recoiled. The taste of copper hitting your tongue.

Your eyes widened as he swiped the blood from his lip with his thumb. 

You reached a hand out, regret swelling in your chest. “Billy, I’m so-!”

He clutched your wrist, regarding you with hard eyes.

Without warning, he jerked you backwards, taking up your other arm and pinning you by your wrists to the mattress.

“You’re being a fuckin’ brat...” he growled.

It took you a long moment, your chest heaving in astonishment from the jostling movement alone, but you adjusted quickly, scowling up at him.

“And you’re being a royal dick!” you snapped back.

He laughed, a deep throaty tittering sound.

You blinked at him stupidly, “Why is that funny?”

He smirked, “at least we both know what we are.”

You pouted, “yeah well that solves nothing.”

Billy raised an eyebrow, leaning forward and pressing his weight against you.

“You already know how to solve this.” he reminded you airily.

You struggled against his grip, arching your back and trying to throw your hips to get away.

He straddled you, stilling your feeble attempts.

“Y/N....” he drawled out your name in a low tone, face coming closer, “say it.”

“Fuck you Billy!” you grumbled. 

The edges of his lips pert, he grinned wolfishly. “Don’t tease me.”

“Maybe I’m not teasing...” you said sheepishly, face growing hot.

He eyed you curiously, “Oh?”

“I thought you were mad at me...” he stated smugly.

“Couldn’t be more pissed if I tried.” you replied, exhaling sharply and kicking your legs beneath him to no avail.

“What do you wanna do about it?” he questioned mockingly.

“F-fuck me.” you blurted out, face burning.

“What?” his bravado momentarily faltered.

Your eyes widened in panic, second guessing such an impulsive statement.

You tried to hide your face in the crook of your arm.

“Nevermind...” you mumbled.

“Y/N...” he purred against your ear, pressing his weight into you, drawing the length of his body out flush to yours. The unclasped buttons on his shirt catching in the fabric of your dress.

You shyly peeked one eye out at him.

“Do you mean it?” he asked earnestly, hands loosening on your wrists to a simple hold.

You nodded stiffly, regarding him like a rabbit snared in a trap.

Cupping your hands in his, he squeezed them reassuringly.

“You gotta say it stupid...” 

You looked up at him, eyes swimming with anxiety.

“Yes I mean it.” you breathed.

He grinned broadly dipping down, capturing your lips in a searing kiss.

You kissed him back with a fervor, heat coursing through your veins and lighting up your every nerve ending, ready to respond to Billy’s touch from head to toe.

His kisses were heated. Hungry. Pressured, but passionate. You felt like you were falling into him, losing yourself. Each kiss pulling more air from your lungs and sending you higher, making your head spin.

Quickly discarding his jacket and shoes to their usual spot by your door. He returned to you, gently pulling the boots off your feet.

You watched him, propped up on your elbows with a nervous, doll-eyed expression on your face. He climbed up to meet you again, greeting you with deep meaningful kisses.  

Wrapping an arm around your waist he pulled you to your knees on the mattress, free hand shoving at your jean jacket. You quickly got the hint, shrugging it off and tossing it to the floor, shivering as his hand found your bare shoulder.

Drawing light circles with his thumb, he traced his way up, entangling his hand in your hair, pulling back and exposing your neck as he drew you against his chest.

You snaked your chilly fingers under his barely buttoned shirt. Fingertips meeting warm skin. Hissing at your icy touch. 

“You’re hands are freezing...” he complained, open-mouthed kisses traveling below your chin. Padding a familiar path. Earning light huffs and wanton mewls from your lips, as he trod on towards the underside of your jawbone.

“Nghhhh....!” a prolonged blink, hands grasping at the heating skin under your palms to clear your thoughts, “w-well, then I better warm ‘em up hm?”

He nodded lightly, a small nip pulling at the skin on the hinge of your jaw. Sending a visible chill down your spine, making you gasp out his name and throw your head back.

You tugged at his sleeve, your other hand untucking his shirttail as he grabbed the collar and pulled it over his head.

You paused, your eyes washing over a collection of yellowing bruises on his left side, running up his hip to just below his ribs.

Touching them with tender fingers, you looked at him questioningly.

“Don’t worry about it.” Billy muttered, a misplaced kiss reaching the corner of your mouth as he redirected your hand south to his belt.

You chased his lips, snaring him in an ardent kiss, as you hooked your fingers around the leather strap, clumsily uncinching the buckle. Your fingers pausing at the button on his jeans.

“What’s wrong?” Billy clocked your hesitancy.

You regarded him with nervous eyes. “I’m allowed to do this right...?”

Your cheeks were prickling with heat.

He laughed, placing his hand on top of yours, maneuvering your fingers under his direction to undo the button and zipper.

“Yes dummy...” he answered, kissing you sweetly, “or we’re not gonna get anywhere this lifetime.”

You shoved him playfully, which he gratuitously used to topple himself and pull you with him, dragging you on top.

Settling your weight against him, he groaned, the thick indentation of his arousal pressing against your crotch.

Timidly adjusting yourself in his lap, he threw his head back, a hand gruffly cupping your ass and reeling you up towards him.

“Now it’s your turn...” he said regarding you through half lidded eyes, as his hand drew back and gave your ass a slap.

You yelped, instinctively rocking your hips away from the sting, causing his eyes to roll back, lip catching between his teeth.

“Bet you don’t have a clue....” he breathed heavily, fingers dipping along the hem of your dress and hiking it up your thighs, “what you’re doin’ to me.”

“I’m sorry?” you offered, unassuredly.

Rucking your dress up over the curve of your ass, he let you grab the material on your own, pulling it the remainder of the way from your form as he watched in appreciation.

“Oh you naughty girl....” he chastised, tongue clicking, eyes devouring the black matching satin set you had hidden underneath up to this point.

You shyly drew your arms up around yourself, uncertain of his tone.

“You wore this for him huh...?” he thought aloud in amusement.

“Well he’s not the one seeing it...” you pouted.

“You’re right, he’s not...” Billy smirked, stroking your arm and gently pulling it back into your lap.

“Let me see you.” he said in a serious tone, “don’t hide from me.”

You slowly lowered your other arm.

“You look fuckin’ sexy.” he decided matter-of-factly.

You cracked a small smile, “Thank you.”

“S’nothin.”

“Liar...” you emboldened slightly, stretching out across his chest like a prowling wildcat. A subtle impish grin on your lips.

You were trying to match his energy. Spur yourself on and be a partner that he’d enjoy, although your heart was thundering in your chest.

He cocked an eyebrow. Amused curiosity infecting his expression.

You locked his lips in a heated kiss, his hands searching newly exposed skin. Charting unexplored territory, committing it to memory for later. And you doing much the same.

His hands worked their way across your back, undoing the clasp of your bra. The straps tumbling down your shoulders as the cups fell onto his chest. He threw it to the floor without a care, a hand clasping your face and pulling you deeper with hot and hurried kisses.

Lifting yourself up, you wrapped your hands in the denim on his hips and began pulling. Him kicking the item from each of his legs and across the room.

Grabbing you by the waist he flipped you seamlessly to your back. A hand ghosting across your stomach, stopping short of one of your breasts.

He eyed you seriously. “Stop me if you want...” he reminded you, his lips were moving southward.

You tossed your head back against the pillows, light sighs falling from your lips.

“I don’t want to...” you huffed, rolling your hips up and pressing against him.

He growled, cupping your breasts roughly, kneading them between his palms. Fingers gruffly pinching and rolling your sensitive nipples to attention.

You gasped loudly, as his tongue latched onto a pebbled bud, his eyes watching you.

Your reaction was satisfying. Your lower lip quivering, sucking air into your lungs as he switched his attentions to your other breast.

He grew bolder trailing kisses down your body, and hooking his fingers in the waistband of your panties.

You regarded him with heavy lust-blown eyes, as he unclothed you. Laying you entirely bare beneath him.

Unconsciously licking his lips, his eyes washed over you as he momentarily rested on his haunches. 

You were perfect. Better than he had ever imagined. And he was only just at the tip of the iceberg. 

He had to admit to himself he was a bit nervous, and he was never nervous about these things. 

He didn’t want to ruin this for you. He knew so much had already been fucked over for you and he wanted to make things better not worse.

But God he’d be lying to himself if he didn’t want to just take you apart on the spot. Right here and now.

The way your wide doe eyes looked up at him like he was the only thing that existed in the universe. How your chest rose and fell in short anticipatory tremors. 

How your legs pressed together the moment his eyes focused on that region, responding as if already under his touch.

He had you strung tighter than a bowstring and he’d yet to notch the arrow, let alone set his target. 

He felt like he was dying. Straining so hard in his briefs that he couldn’t stand it, pulling them off, relieving some of the tension but not by much.

Watching him hawkishly, your face reddened as you caught your first glimpse of Billy’s cock in it’s fully glory.

You had known he was decently sized. The few times you two messed around in his car leading to hustled hand jobs and mutual masturbation. But seeing every bit of him in the light made him seem immensely big.

He caught the look on your face.

“Like what you see?” he teased, a sharp grin playing on his lips as he picked up his jeans, digging around in the pockets.

“Y-yeah...” you said quietly, eyes prudishly dodging to another part of your room.

The bed dipped as he returned, a small wrapper in hand. He placed it on the edge of your nightstand.

“We’ll need it in a bit...” Billy drawled, with a small smirk “but first...”

Positioning himself between your legs, Billy laid out on his stomach, wrapping an arm around your thigh and pulling you in close.

You eyed him curiously, raised up on your elbows. Watching as he ducked his head to your sex, tongue out, eye contact unbroken as it hit you.

Your hips jerked, at the contact. A lewd whine tumbling from your mouth as you collapsed into the pillows, eye line immediately broken. The sensation running up the length of your spine. The muscles in your right leg spasming and kicking as Billy wrapped both arms around you, pinning you in place.

“You like that?” he purred, languidly swiping his tongue up and down the length of your opening. Your hips rocked involuntarily, chasing after his every move.

“Tell me...” he commanded, thickly lapping at the swelling bud of nerves. You inhaled deeply, trying to gain a fraction of yourself to speak.

“Y-y-yeh...!” you whimpered pathetically as his tongue made another harsh pass over your clit.

He chuckled, picking up his pace, making you cry out, as he stealthily slipped a finger inside of you. “Shit you’re soaked...”

Curling his finger he watched you from below. Predatory eyes monitoring every breath, each whip of your hair. Looking for signs.

Your hips were stuttering, breath faltering as he added a second finger. Reaching deep and scissoring you open. Prepping you.

“Billy...” you whined loudly, body trembling. You could feel that edge nearing, heat curling in the pit of your stomach. Nerves firing and tingling, as he held tight, pumping his fingers into you. His tongue suckling heavily.

He added a third finger, groaning at the feeling of tight muscle obstructing his reach. You mewled obscenely, at the stretch. His digits alternating between two and three as he exchanged between deep and shallow thrusts, unable to fully fit the third.

It proved too much, as the dam snapped, your walls tightening around his fingers. As you felt your orgasm wash over you, “Sh-shit!” you cursed, a high keen leaving your throat.

Your hips jerking of their own accord, clit pulsing, you blinked drowsily trying to catch your breath as Billy crawled up alongside you.

“Good?” he hummed, pecking your lips. You nodded dumbly, watching him in wonder.

“Open...” he instructed, offering you his fingers. You didn’t hesitate, wanting to please him, to indulge him, to learn.

Wrapping your kiss bitten lips around his fingers you drew them into your mouth, lapping up your own taste. He groaned, pulling his fingers free and wrapping them around your neck as he hungrily slotted his lips against yours in a frenzied kiss.

Blindly slapping his freehand to the side, he felt across your nightstand, grasping for the wrapper.

Breaking from you he leaned back, eyeing you. “Ya ready?”

“Yes”, you huffed out.

He tore it open with his teeth, placing the condom at the crown of his penis and carefully rolling it out.

Discarding the wrapper, he lined himself up dragging his cock through your soaked folds.

Pressing the head at your entrance he tested, pushing a few inches forward, holding still. Withdrawing. Again.

You noted the look of trepidation on his face, chewing his bottom lip in concentration.

“You’re not gonna break me...” you reassured him, placing a hand over top of his. 

He looked like he didn’t believe you.

“Billy... don’t hold back.” You requested, slinging your legs over his thighs.

He processed for a beat, “You sure?” 

“Positive”, you replied, giving your hips a thrust, coaxing him inside of you.

He inhaled sharply at the sensation. “You better mean it...” he growled, fingers gripping your ass as he pushed in.

You threw your head back, your loud moans mixing with his as he pushed every inch of himself possible into you, bottoming out. The stretch stinging and attention grabbing, making your eyebrows knit together.

“Shit you’re fuckin tight!” Billy bit out rocking back, starting a moderate pace.

"Billy!” you simpered, hands clutching the sheets as his hips collided with yours.

You were getting exactly what you asked for and then some. He was not handling you gently. But that’s exactly how you wanted it. 

Thrusting into you with bruising accuracy you met Billy at every impact, spurring him on.

Fisting a hand in his curls you pulled him down to you in a kiss that was all teeth and tongue. Dragging on his lower lip as he broke from you, a dark look in his eyes.

Drawing his hips back, he leaned in, grabbing your wrists and locking them above you. He had pulled out almost entirely.

“Like being fucked rough huh?” he breathed in your ear, slamming back inside you.

You wailed, back arching up and brushing against his chest. “Yes!” you choked out. 

He kissed you sloppily. Feverishly. His pace increasing, hips pistoning in and out as he lifted you into his lap.

Changing the position, gave you a bit more control but not by much as Billy’s hands kept you moving in consistent repetitions up and down on his dick. 

Your eyes sliding back in your head, as his cock stroked deep, targeting one spot inside you. Making your legs quiver, and you jaw hitch.

Stabilizing yourself in his arms, you looked up at him through hazy eyes. Words becoming harder by the second.

He seemed to understand regardless, angling his hips and thrusting deeper. Hitting upon that sensitive spot. 

Securing an arm around your waist, he held you fast as nimble fingers traced their way down to your throbbing clit.

Gripping his shoulders you rode harder. Shameless sounds tumbling from your lips mingling with gutteral moans and low rumblings from his throat.

“Billy...I’m...” you panted, nuzzling your head on his shoulder. You were trembling, heat rippling across ever fibre of your being, as the sensation enveloped you.

Your hips rutting against him obscenely as you moaned his name, nails clawing at his back.

He growled, thrusting up into you, not quite there. “Fuck baby I’m close...” he grunted, snapping his hips, making you whimper.

Sensitive, thrumming with the pulse of each contracting muscle, you weakly thrust back to meet him. Whining as he bumped against your cervix.

Tilting up your head, your lips wandered over unmarked skin. Teeth scraping and nipping at the crook of his shoulder. Up the line of his adam’s apple.

Shivers wracking his form. “Fuck! Yes...” he groaned. Focusing your attentions on finding his pulse point, you had subconsciously joined a new rhythm with him. Bouncing and grinding on his cock becoming nearly second nature.

He let out a moan, low and broken, as your tongue ran across the soft flesh just offside of his jawbone. You had found it, redoubling your attentions on this area. As he shuddered grinding up into you, “Shit baby...” 

His thrusts were growing harsher, less consistent as he gripped you tighter. “Fuck..fuuuuckk!” He groaned grinding up into you desperately.

His fingers were pressing against your clit again. Already spent. You whined, high-pitched and breathlessly at the harsh rolling pressure of his touch as he pulled you over the edge with him.

Collapsing into the mattress you both stared at each other. Speechless. 

After a few minutes gathering your strength and faculties, you pulled yourself off of Billy. Swinging your legs over the side of the bed, back to him. 

He rose from the bed, ditching the condom in the trash can, pulling kleenex from your nearby tissue box when a knock came at the door.

You both froze, eyeing one another.

The door cracked open, a hand poking through. Nothing was said, as the hand motioned to be given something.

You exhaled a sigh of relief, “You got a fiver?” you asked Billy, rising from the bed.

Billy picked up his pants and looked through his wallet, “Yeah, why?”

You held out your hand to receive it from him, walking over to your door and placing the bill in the waiting hand. The hand quickly disappeared and the door closed.

“You paid that brat off?” Billy asked incredulously.

“And how much has he gotten out of you so far?” you asked, arms crossed.

Billy snapped his mouth shut. He wasn’t about to admit how much money he’d been bilked out of by your little brother for his cooperation.

Absentmindedly pulling his smokes from his jacket he placed one in his lips. You plucked it away, annoyance running through his expression until he remembered.

You sat down in the window box, patting the cushion next to you as you opened the window, offering him back his Marlboro.

Sitting down beside you, he took it and lit up.

“I’m sorry...” you stated simply.

“Me too...” he muttered taking a deep drag.

You sat there in mutual silence until the chill of the early March air cooled your skin, and forced you back into your clothes.

Thank you for reading! If you would like to be added to my tags list for this series please interact with the separate tag post I have HERE.

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[ptergwen]

smoke and mirrors

⇢ richkid!tom x richkid!reader ⇠

w/c: 4.1k

warnings: swearing, drinking, light angst, and implied smut

summary: because of your mother’s insistence on a pristine family image and tom’s messy one, you deny your true feelings for him

a/n: ok ok ok the pics of tom in monaco really made me think and i had to get everything out of my system so here we are! thank you and enjoy x

-

your living room is engulfed by a hushed chatter that comes from far too many guests. half the people, you hardly know. it’s overcrowded, superficial, and the last place you want to be. it’s one of your mother’s get-togethers, as she likes to call them. these things are always far from the casual affairs they sound like.

weeks go into planning, caterers and decorators making themselves at home in yours. the family’s image is everything to your mom, so being a good hostess is her top priority. ironically, she’s more concerned with throwing her gatherings than raising you. so much for family, huh?

the only reason you agreed to make an appearance tonight is that tom might do the same. he’s a really good friend, someone you’ve been able to count on through all the mess that is your lives. you met in high school, when he moved from london to the states. his dad was offered a job promotion he couldn’t pass up. plus, tom and his brothers would be receiving a stellar private education here in america.

it was a win for everyone, especially you. the freckle faced boy who got lost on his way to english class became your closest confidant. tom’s company is such a sweet escape. he’s not interested in opera or the stock market like most people you meet are. he sneaks you out to go on walks at dawn and does shots with you until you can’t stand straight.

as you two continue to grow together, revelations about yourselves have come to light. what you want beyond your inheritances, who you want beyond friendship. you figured out the second part on a faithful night recently. tom showed up to your place with a bottle of tequila. after you drank it down through lots of lime chasers and giggles, he kissed you. you didn’t kiss back.

your heart said to go for it, but your mind pulled you back in. you were so shocked and overcome with new feelings, you froze up. that, and you’d infuriate your mother. although she cares about tom a great deal, she loathes his public figure. he’s always getting papped in places and with people he shouldn’t be. the two of you together would just destroy her.

you still want to please your mom at the end of the day, no matter how deep under your skin she gets.

tom immediately apologized and tried play it off as him being drunk. you grew up with him, became part of each other’s families, which means you know him well enough to know he was lying. he meant every second his lips were on yours.

what you need to do now is something you’ve meant to for a while. the only problem is that you’re stuck at your mother’s party, and tom hasn’t shown up yet.

“y/n, darling,” your mom calls for your attention. she’s dragged you into a conversation with some bloggers, but you haven’t spoken a word. “why don’t you tell us about your trip to spain last summer?” she plasters on her award winning grin and squeezes your shoulder. it’s time to play along.

“oh, it was beautiful,” you halfheartedly reply, more to the bloggers than her. they nod in clear interest. one jots down notes. “we went for a few weeks and visited a bunch of different cities. i’d love to go back sometime.” the typical press formatted answer earns your mom’s approval. you’re off the hook. your eyes start to wander around the room, hoping to set on tom.

“we?” the woman taking notes asks. must everyone pry? “my friend and i,” you shortly reply. you’re standing up on your tiptoes to see over the crowd. you’d think six inch heels would do the trick. “i’m actually looking for him right now, so if you’ll excuse me,” you offer a polite smile and silently pray they won’t ask who. unfortunately, your wishes don’t come true.

the other blogger, a short and stubborn man, speaks up. “just a friend you say? come on, tell us. who’s the lucky fella?” he inquires. your mother raises a firm eyebrow, signaling for you not to.

tom has a reputation for his reckless behavior. it’s your mom’s worst nightmare when the media associates your names under most circumstances. you’re representing her, so she does whatever she can to control how you’re seen. you’re constantly in the papers, being a young socialite and all. it sucks.

“he’d like to stay out of the tabloids, sorry,” you cover for tom, on your mom’s behalf. “i should really go. it was nice meeting you.” the bloggers don’t bother to hide their disappointment as you shake their hands. your mother rubs your back in approval. “thank you for doing that. we’ll talk later,” she speaks lowly. “bye, mom!” you practically make a run for it. 

weaving through the sea of people, you end up by the main entrance. it’s hard not to get lost even though it’s your house. the place is packed with girls just a couple years older than you, wearing pearls around their necks. men’s strong colognes flow through the air. you’re in a form fitting red slip dress and louboutins yourself.

smoke and mirrors is what they call it. you show the pretty parts to distract from your ugly ones.

harrison suddenly comes waltzing in with a lady on either of his arms. you’d expect nothing less. he’s tom’s best friend besides you, considering the failed kiss attempt didn’t change that. their parents worked at the london branch of the same company. they each came to the states and met you. you happily introduced them to your world, helping to make it theirs as well.

“haz!” you meet him at the front door. he’s smirking while he leads the women inside. “fancy seeing you here, isn’t it?” he jokes. “very funny. i died laughing,” you deadpan, curiously eyeing harrison’s plus two. they merely giggle. “listen, have you seen tom anywhere? if he’s coming.” you’re fighting back a frown. “why wouldn’t he be?” harrison questions in a more serious tone this time.

“long story. you have guests to entertain, so i won’t get into it now,” you decide and manage a small smile instead. he perks up. “right. i’ll let you know if i see him?” nodding, you give him a wave goodbye. “enjoy yourself.” “you too, love. cheers!” the girls lean into him, harrison wiggling his eyebrows at you. he’s ridiculous.

hours pass by without word of tom. it isn’t like him to miss an event, especially if you’re in attendance. you despise these exhausting nights, and he’s supposed to be your rock during them. he should have his arm draped around your shoulders, whispering silly remarks to you while you hide out somewhere. you miss him more than you thought possible.

you’re just about to give up when you spot nikki ushering her husband inside. behind them follows tom, clad in a grey checkered suit with his locks perfectly tousled. he’s here. you waited the whole night, and he finally came.

tom kisses his mom on the cheek before strutting over to the drink table, not without a few reporters hassling him. they’re probably looking for another holland scandal to break. he declines their requests for comments on this and opinions on that, instead pulling up a chair next to harrison. the two exchange hugs and fix themselves glasses of champagne, you watching their encounter.

harrison fills tom in on the drama he’s missed tonight while they sip their drinks. tom keeps forcing smiles that don’t reach his eyes. he’s fiddling with his fingers, leg bouncing up and down steadily. those are the telltale signs he needs saving. however awkward it may be, you’re going to have to break your silence. it was bound to happen eventually.

“mate, i’m telling you. she fit her entire first right up her-“ “boys,” you cut into harrison’s story, greeting him and tom. his face tints deep pink upon your arrival. “don’t let me stop you. finish your charming anecdote,” you encourage him and subtly glance over at tom. he’s biting back a grin as he sets his elbows on the table.

“not with a lady present. let’s just… pretend you didn’t hear that,” harrison chuckles nervously and hops to his feet. “i’m gonna leave you two to chat.” humming, you move to take his chair. tom sucks in a breath. “what happened to the girls you brought?” you wonder. “they left. said they got bored,” harrison admits, tom stifling laughter. he elbows his friend for that.

“oh, fuck off. i’ll see you later,” he mopes, flicking your arm for good measure. tom salutes him and grabs his nearly empty champagne. “so long, bruv.”

it’s just you and tom now, seated side by side, silently so. he has no intentions of speaking first. he’s too embarrassed, and you don’t blame him. this is on you. you clear your throat before starting the conversation.

“can i top you off?” you tap the bottom of his glass with a tiny smile. tom shakes his head. “i’m alright, thanks.” he finishes the last sip and sets it down, turning to face you. your smile has vanished. “wasn’t sure you were gonna make it. i’m glad you did,” you change the subject. as if he’s considering the sincerity behind your words, tom furrows his eyebrows.

“mum wanted us to. she dragged me and dad straight off the golf course,” he explains and clasps his hands in his lap. his fingers interlock with each other. you fight off the urge to replace them with yours. “we would’ve been here sooner, but the paps are camped outside.” the hint of a smile forms on his lips, at last. “guess it’s not often you get the town’s finest under one roof.”

“you think i’m one of the town’s finest?” you tease, resting your chin in your palm. something flashes behind tom’s eyes. he looks right into yours, scooting closer. “absolutely. you’re the most eligible bachelorette in this whole building.” you allow a toothy grin to spread across your face. “tommy, stop it. you’re too nice to me.”

the nickname is music to his ears. tom looks you up and down, licking his lips simultaneously. “no, seriously. you look gorgeous,” he muses, you pushing at his chest. he exhales a breathy laugh, and you giggle yourself. “red’s definitely your color.” “reverse card. you wear it way better than i do,” you insist. your fingers tug at the collar of his suit. “too bad you didn’t match me.”

you’re relieved you two can talk like you usually do, light flirting and good vibes. it might not be so hard to put the kiss behind you. well, you can’t go on pretending it didn’t happen. you have to at least discuss the fiasco. tom should know why you didn’t reciprocate, then you can take it from there. whether he still has feelings for you, assuming he ever did, will depend on how that turns out.

“not to ruin the fun, but we still have to talk,” you murmur, tom’s body stiffening across from yours. he’s not sure he’s ready to discuss that. “can it wait? we’re at a party,” tom reminds you, running a hand through his styled locks. “yeah, my mother’s. don’t tell me you’re having a good time,” you playfully chastise him. he simply shrugs. “hardly. you’re the best part.”

you ignore the butterflies roaming about your body.

“you won’t mind a quick convo, then. it is with me,” you attempt to persuade him and place a hand on his knee. tom coughs a bit too loudly, the contact surprising him. “you know what? i think i’ll take you up on that drink first,” he decides with a mustered up smile. “coming right up.” you pat his leg before taking his glass. he chews on his lower lip while you poor the bubbling liquid. that was certainly… odd.

you slide tom his champagne back with an exaggerated wink. tom scoffs at this. “mm, thanks. care to join me?” he brings the alcohol to his lips, eyes never leaving yours. your mother specifically said no drinking tonight, since the press would be here. screw your mother, though. “please. could you hand me a glass?” you eagerly grab the champagne bottle. tom searches for an empty cup next to him.

you two are unspoken drinking buddies at this point.

“here you are, darling,” tom drawls, holding out the glass for you. every time he calls you that, you completely melt. “thanks, tommy,” you purr in response. you’re finally pouring your own drink when someone taps you on the shoulder, and hard. you look behind you to find your mother standing with her hands on her hips, less than thrilled. speak of the devil.

“hello, mother. can i help you?” you make sure to ask rudely. she responds with a smile that’s obviously fake. if tom weren’t here, you’d be getting scolded. “yes, my darling. those bloggers from earlier were hoping you’d finish your interview.” your mom shakes your shoulder in a motherly way. you squint up at her. “didn’t they leave hours ago-“ “they’re back,” she sharply informs you.

she’s lying, and you have a hunch as to why.

frowning, you hold tom’s hand in both of yours. “sorry, this won’t take long. why don’t you go find tuwaine?” you suggest instead. “he’s around here somewhere.” tom gives you an understanding nod and laces your fingers together, even if it’s only for a moment. “must be chatting up some producers or whatnot. i’ll see if i can help.” he’s such an incredible friend to everyone. he deserves the same from you.

“thomas, so lovely to see you,” your mom interrupts. tom stands up, kissing both her cheeks out of courtesy. “you, too. what a wonderful party. thank you for having us.” despite what the rest of the world believes, his manners are impeccable. “of course. give nikki my best, will you?” your mom puts her hands on his shoulders. he grins at her. “definitely. take care, mrs. y/l/n.” “always a pleasure,” she states, nudging you to come along with her.

you shoot tom one last apologetic look as your mother pulls you along and towards the crowd.

tom is no idiot. he’s well aware how she really feels about him.

when a swarm of guests is surrounding you, your mom lets go. you scowl, crossing your arms over your chest. “why would you do that? i haven’t seen tom in days.” she sighs without a care. “isn’t it time you branch out? expand your social circle?” her manicured fingers ruffle your hair. you push away her touch. “i’m social enough. we were in the middle of something really important.”

you begin to walk away, but your mother takes your arm. “whatever you’re about to do, it’s a mistake. he’ll make a fool of you,” she practically spits. yanking your arm from her grasp, you laugh bitterly. “of me, or of the family name? look around, mom.” you gesture to the spot beside her where your dad should be. “as far as i’m concerned, i have no family except tom. i’m gonna go check on him.”

you’re gone before your mom can stop you. she simply stands there, utterly mortified by what you said.

you run around the house to find tom, stumbling in your heels and not giving a fuck. you’d truly meant the part about him being your family. all the holland’s, honestly. they’re the most genuine and caring souls, and you don’t want to lose the one you’re closest to because of your mother’s delusions. 

tom is in a circle with harrison and tuwaine, the three of them chuckling amongst themselves. you’d hate to bug him, but this can’t wait anymore.

“uh, tom?” you mumble his name, appearing behind him. he steps away with another quiet laugh. “hey, y/n/n. that was quick, hm?” your face gives away your distress. his whole demeanor shifting, tom reaches for your hands. “what is it, love? is something the matter?” “just… come with me,” you croak out.

you manage to smile at harrison and tuwaine, dropping one of tom’s hands so you can lead him upstairs. they each return the smile and share curious looks.

following behind you, tom keeps your hand tight in his own. he’d thought you were going to grill him about the kiss that barely happened. it seems like this is a much more pressing matter. his outburst of emotions can be discussed another time. now, it’s time to deal with yours.

you drag tom into the first room on the second floor, which is your dad’s study. he’s away on business this weekend, so he luckily couldn’t make the party. tom sits down in the office chair. you sit up on the desk, in front of him. your lip quivers the second his worried features come into view.

“y/n/n, what’s going on? why are we in here?” tom wonders, his tone soft. your heart clenches. “i- i wanted us to have some privacy when i told you this,” you sniffle out and blink back the tears forming. you’re sort of shaken from the conversation with your mother, and mostly because you have no idea how tom will react to your confession.

his hands come to stay on your thighs, right below your dress. they feel warm against your bare skin.

“tell me what? i’m listening, yeah?” tom gazes up at you with so much love. “lay it all out for me.” god, he’s fucking amazing. if only you knew where to start. “do you, um…” you trail off, letting your tears subside and words settle. “do you remember when your family made your big debut in town?”

a grin replaces tom’s frown, painting his beautiful face. “how could i forget? you made it quite memorable.” he traces circles on your thigh and elicits a giggle from you. “i spilled a whole thing of soda on your white fucking button down,” you recount with a lighthearted sigh. “right before your dad was supposed to introduce you to everyone, too.”

tom presses his tongue into his cheek to hold back another grin. “took ages to get it out. dad went mad when i didn’t show.” he cocks his head to the side, you leaning back on your hands. “you held me hostage in the laundry room so you could do that bloody stain stick.” your mouth drops open in mock offense. “i had to clean up my mess! i wasn’t gonna let the world meet you covered in pepsi.”

that was one of your earliest memories together. the holland’s threw a party and invited everyone who was willing to attend. they had been hoping to properly introduce themselves to the town, and this was their way of doing so. although yours and tom’s friendship was fairly new, you spent all night together because you had experience with such events.

tom’s dad was making a speech to thank the guests for coming. you and him listened from the snack table, until his name was called. he rushed to go up there while you were pouring yourself a drink. he’d bumped into you, and the bottle ended up all over him. you snuck tom right off to his laundry room.

you’d felt terrible as he stood there shirtless and blushing, you aggressively swiping his button down with a stain stick.

“why do you bring that up?” tom questions and continues circling your skin. you purse your lips. “i dunno. it was the last party i actually enjoyed,” you admit, putting your hand over his that rests on your thigh. “like to reminisce when i’m suffering through one of my mother’s.” his eyes shift to where your hands are laced. “i see,” he affirms. “so, is that… all you wanted to talk about?” “not even close,” you laugh out.

a burst of courage coursing through your body, you say it. “when you kissed me the other night-“ “i won’t do it again,” tom cuts in, trying to avoid the rejection he thinks you’ll give him. “it was a mistake, and i’m so sorry. our friendship is more important than my feelings.” you seem excited to hear that, though it’s not for the reason tom expects. “you do have feelings for me?”

he’d forgotten about his i was drunk excuse.

“um, yeah. i do,” he admits, cheeks rosy and lip caught in his teeth. “but, i’ll learn to put them aside, if that’s what’s best.” “no, no. it isn’t,” you dismiss him and put your free hand on his chest. “i love you, tom. that’s what i was really trying to tell you.” your words bring an instant grin to his face. he chuckles in disbelief, standing from the chair.

“fuck, thank god. that’s all i’ve ever wanted to hear.” he’s between your legs now, his hands moving up to your hips. you’re beaming at him as your arms snake around his neck. a burning question comes to tom’s mind. “hang on. why didn’t you kiss me back, then?” he almost whispers, thumb brushing over your hipbone. “this is gonna sound weird, but… my mom,” you reluctantly let out.

“you’re gonna have to elaborate,” tom prompts you and raises an eyebrow. you can’t hold back your eye roll. “she’s never been a fan of the person you are in the media.” his lips form a line. “i gathered.” your fingers tangle in his curls at the nape of his neck reassuringly. “i was subconsciously scared i would be letting her down in some way, if we were together.”

tom allows your hands to work their way up to his scalp. he exhales contentedly as you play with his ever so soft hair. “i understand, she’s intimidating. what’s changed that brilliant mind of yours about coming clean?” your nose scrunches up when he pokes one of your temples. “oh, yeah. i yelled at her earlier ‘cuz she stole me away from you.” his face lights up. “sexy.” “shut up,” you groan. “someone had to tell her off.”

“good thing it got to be you,” tom agrees with a squeeze at your hip. “‘m proud of you, y/n/n. it’s not easy, standing up to mummy dearest.” you tug on his hair. “like you’d know. nikki is a saint.” “that’s what she’ll have you believe,” he says under his breath, you gasping. his lips turn up in a smirk. “on that note… i love you, too.”

“would’ve been embarrassing if you didn’t say it back,” you acknowledge with a cheesy smile. tom dips his head down to rest his forehead against yours. “yeah, yeah. save the attitude for your mum.” your legs easily wrap around his waist, tom’s breath hot as it hits your face. “let’s give that kiss another go,” you mewl. he doesn’t hesitate to reply. “with pleasure.”

tom’s lips land on yours, you kissing back right away. he smiles into it as your lips gently move together. “about fucking time,” he grumbles, your hands situating in his chocolate curls once again. he’s savoring every second you touch him, kiss him, love him. the taste of your mouth is one he’s craved for longer than you could imagine.

it doesn’t take long for things to heat up, you messing with tom’s hair and tom rubbing your hips. you lay back on the desk as his tongue enters your mouth. holding you by your waist, tom hovers over you. his tongue tangles with yours in a deep kiss. between that and his fingers beginning to massage your thigh, you’re done for. you’re ready to take this a step further by the time he’s kissing down your neck.

“tommy?” you grab onto his shoulders, your head back. his lips detach from your skin with a grin. “yeah, love? ‘s everything okay?” he coos, pressing a final kiss to your collarbone. “more than.” you tilt his chin up to peck his lips. “you wouldn’t happen to have a condom, would you? just thinking ahead.” he laughs breathlessly, reaching into his suit pocket.

“conveniently enough, i do. not sure your dad would like me fucking you on his desk, though.” tom sets his hand on your leg that’s still hooked around his waist. “my room’s always available. carry me?” you make grabby hands and bat your lashes. he hoists you up by your waist, not lifting you just yet. “that would break the news of us, no? your mum’s gonna go apeshit.” he keeps his arms around you, chuckling.

“let her. besides, i know a couple of bloggers that would love to announce our status update.” you peck tom’s lips, grinning as you do. you’re suddenly in the air and being picked up by tom. the surprise of it makes you squeal, clutching onto his broad shoulders instinctively. he gives you the look of adoration that’s reserved for you only.

“we’ll go pop a few bottles with everyone, then we’re celebrating on our own.”

[jjkpls]

the wishlist (m) - 6 (final)

“Was it worth it?”

> genre : smut, angst, fluff

> pairing : jeon jungkook x reader (f)

> words : 15k (ugh sorry)

> content/warnings : back at it again w/ the bff2l; one sided love, LOTS of pining; sextoys talk and use; explicit language; explicit description of sex; phonesex; masturbation (f); dirtytalk; alcohol drinking; dubcon exhibitionism; ambiguous infidelity

previous - masterlist

There's a lot of forgetting to get done. It wasn't the plan to get drunk. Maybe you should have known better than to confide the slightest about your heart and its aching to your two girlfriends. Because they don't have much of a solution to present you with. You meant to ask of them to divert your mind, make you laugh, feed you so much you'd fall into a food coma and wouldn't be able to think about anything else but sleep. Eventually, share their own dramas of the moment (they always have some) to get you so invested in their shits you wouldn't be thinking about your own.

You made the mistake of sharing, with probably too much preponderance in your tone, that Jungkook was back with his girlfriend.

Without any context clues -they didn't even know that he was single for approximately four days-, they knew. You're not that complicated to read when it comes to him. Only he seems to not get it.

You still remember the first time they found you out. They had a sense that something was up with this kid, that there couldn't just be a platonic, decade-old friendship based on nothing spicier than the tteokbokki you'd cook for him every now and then.

They only started believing, with utter incredulity, that it was true when they saw you, and him, and his girlfriend. All at the same time, sitting around the same table, there was no doubt left. No reason to believe that there's something unsaid existing. They saw your eyes though. The shine they gain whenever you'd be looking at him, laughing hard with all his teeth out, and the glassy look they took on whenever they'd catch a gesture, a touch that was meant only for Jiyeun.

You've never really gone into details. You've never ranted over the feelings, over him, everything that made him the one person for you. They saw you cry over him though, one drunken night, and it was enough to make them understand how deep you were in.

And perhaps it's your fault, that you wouldn't sort of train them to be the better friends they wish to be to you. They don't know what to say, what to do to console you. You don't even know what you need. Really, all you know, it's that you didn't feel able enough to take care of your tormented heart and mind alone tonight.

You are to blame if they dragged you to this bar, with the music too loud and the people too numerous, bumping their hips to yours attempting to coarse you into dancing. You hate every second of it. Every element that was supposed to distract you, help you forget, feel better, served as annoying distractions. You could picture yourself, dipped in a scorching hot bath, with a bowl of ice cream, weeping your eyes out like in the most cliche, most dramatic breaking down of your life. And it felt right, in your mind anyway, a thousand times better than this.

"Here!" Like the good girl that you are, you accept the shots. Min sets one in each of your hand and stares over the rim of her own glass, expecting. You roll your eyes. Swallow them down in one go and she yells, arms in the air, jumping like the night has just been made.

At least, she's entertained. Dancing her life away, kind of wilding out with too much energy, having to apologize every few seconds for knocking someone with an elbow or slapping another with her ponytail.

"Look, who's here!"

Your heart skips a beat then. Until you follow Mary's finger who's pointing rudely at Park Jimin. Park Jimin as in Jeon Jungkook's Park Jimin, one of his closest friends. He's dressed in all black, tight leather pants clawing to his legs, silk shirt half unbuttoned, perched on heeled Chelsea boots, dark black hair gelled back.

For a second, you worry, stupidly, if your friend is not going to appear, emerging from the thick crowd, carrying a drink, catching your eyes in the room. That's another thing you wouldn't need right now: seeing him. When you're in this weird state of sadness, guiltiness, of hopelessness and confusion. You'd probably be a mean bitch again. He doesn't deserve that.

For some time, you're just watching Jimin, being Jimin, dancing languorously, flashing smiles and winks so naturally; making everyone uncomfortable just because he's so attractive and so talented at catching people's attention and making them want him. It's just Jimin, hoeing out, as always. No Jungkook ever appears next to him. And while you sort of spy on him, there are the two dumb bitches next to you, drooling over him. Commenting about his ass, the way he moves his hips and how tight he seems to be in his pants.

"You should have fallen for him, dude!" It's the pinch to your arm that drags you back to the conversation, lets you know that you're the one Min is addressing. "What?" Your brain is already a bit slow. You haven't eaten much before leaving, drunk not much but too fast and forming intelligible sentences, translating your thoughts in their entirety is not a task easily doable at the moment. You meant to say something about how ridiculous they sound. About how it doesn't make any sense. About Jungkook and the things you feel for him, and the way you fell and how even when you suffer, like in this instance, you wouldn't change your heart because it's him, and only him, has been and might as well always be.

Why would you fall for Park Jimin?

"Jimin, you'd just ask him to fuck you and he'll do it."

"You can see he's a very generous slut."

It makes you wince. They're being fucking weird. Obnoxious, in their way of ogling him and quite disgusting talking about him. There's a smirk on the corner of Jimin's mouth and you wonder if maybe he's noticed them and is enjoying it. They don't mean to be offensive, you suppose, but they're still rude as hell.

"Useless Jungkook could never!"

Either you knock your friend out with your newly filled up glass or you drink it and attempt to swallow along your rage and that strange feeling that the open shirt Jimin is wearing has raised in you.

"Don't you wanna try him?" The question is absurd. You don't try people in general. But you'd never, ever, even think about trying someone as close as he is to Jungkook.

What the actual fuck?

"Fine! Don't give me those eyes!" Your brain and face connection is not that great at the moment that you'd know precisely what Mary is referring to. Soon after frowning and pouting through a sip of her drink, she's leaving, straight for the less crowded part of the bar, where people are dancing, where Jimin is showing off.

She needs less than thirty seconds to have him wrapped around her. Min is howling at your side like it's such an exploit. You don't want to bad mouth on your friend but it is, indeed, Jimin. Manwhore Jimin. And just like that, just because she walked in his vicinity, whispered something quickly to him, maybe just a simple greeting and a reminder of who she is, your friend, in case he couldn't make her out, and he's holding her tight, dancing, more like grinding against her, to her greatest pleasure, face buried in her hair, he seems to be uttering things directly in her ear. You catch her fingers reaching for the wide opening of his shirt, brushing against that tattoo you know to be there under his breast but have never gotten to really decipher, and he's leaving kisses on her shoulders. The next thing you see is his wide, wolf-like grin, now aiming straight at you.

You startle, almost let your glass shatter to the ground from the surprise. That seems to make him laugh. He waves a hand quickly your way and for some reasons, it sends a sudden flaming flush to your cheeks. That guy is such a cunt-tease, he's awful. No wonder people talk so crudely about him.

"I need to get plastered." You mumble, probably not loud enough for Min, whose arm you're dragging along on your way to the bar, to hear.

You may have thought, for a split second, of a fantasy. You may have reshaped the scene taking place in front of you to make it more suitable to you, to make it as self-indulgent as you could. With you replacing Mary, with Jungkook replacing Jimin. She made it seem so easy and for the briefest of moments, it felt like it was realisable. As if the only step missing, the only thing making it not real yet, is the first step, the one Mary took by just walking up to him and asking him to dance, maybe for you to be his for a while.

Then Jimin looked over, with his dark eyes and pretty luscious lips, his very sexy aura and everything that makes him him, and it all felt down to the ground. That's ridiculous.

That would never work.

Maybe hot men with the most endearing hearts that you really desire are not to be seduced by you. It just wouldn't happen. Jungkook would never, as she said. What a shame.

You should have fallen for someone easier like Jimin. He's not one person's man, that's for sure, but at least, he would have been great at pretending to be yours for a moment.

Now you really need to get drunk.

There's pure guilt boiling in the pit of your stomach. Because you've never denied your feelings for Jungkook. He deserves them. He deserves to be loved by everyone. Deeply and passionately. And no matter how true, how pure, how intense those feelings are, he never owes to reciprocate, does he? And here you are, greedy stupid little you, sad and angry because of course, he couldn't love you back like that. Not when there's fucking Jiyeun in the way. Jiyeun or any fucking one else, right?

He's not making it easy for you. Everything he does is making your life harder. As if it wasn't enough on its own already.

Everything he does.

Like buying you these fucking toys you need a science degree to operate.

Sort of.

Maybe you don't need a science degree. Maybe a sober head would be enough to make a toy you've never used before function.

You don't have that at the moment. You're in your favourite pyjamas - an extra-large, greyed by time tee-shirt you stole from Jungkook back in high school - and panties - because it sounded like way too much effort to find shorts or joggings and slip them on. You've managed, somehow, you don't even remember doing it, to make your bed all cosy and welcoming, a perfect backrest made of your fluffiest pillows.

The little toy, this orange thing, sort of shaped like a fat bunny, a big, rounded body with two straight little ears, pointed upwards. It's supposed to be fully charged. It's been disinfected. It's just waiting for you to use.

Except it's the last one Jungkook had bought for you, you didn't get to use it yet, to even turn it on once, nor read its instructions. And here you are, past two am, trying, with your sloppy brain, your blurry eyes, and your impatient cunt, to understand how it works. There's an app linked to it. This much you got from the big, unmissable QR code occupying the first page of the three-page long manual that your eyes won't read.

You picked up your phone, went through the violent burning of your eyes when the screen lit up too close to your face, scanned the code, installed the app and here you are, stuck.

The app won't let you turn the fucking toy on. There's a message that keeps coming up every time you try to link the app to the toy. But the message is written in grey, on white, and you can't see shit and you don't have the patience to decrypt it. Maybe if you close it, and try running it again, and try scanning the code again, and just click on the button that appears under the message, whatever it says, maybe it'll work.

Except it doesn't. After a certain number of times (keeping up with the counting is another thing you can't do well right now) the app keeps on being a bitch. Keeps being difficult and reluctant, and unwilling to let you fucking get off and go to sleep.

You're on the verge of tears.

Why would it be so fucking difficult to make a fucking sex toy work?

Why?

You're so annoyed and impatient and angry now and it's all Jungkook's fault anyway.

You can't try to go to sleep, no matter how tipsy you are, because your brain is filled up with this asshole and won't let you alone. You can't fuck yourself to sleep because the toy you've picked - and for totally irrational reasons you feel like you can not switch to another one - won't let you and it's his. His fucking present. Fucking poisoned gift.

He makes everything worse. Everything difficult. And the more your eyes fill up with frustration tears, the more you're reminded that he's also the answer. He's the worst and the best part of your existence.

Of course, you'd call him.

"I could be sleeping." His voice is light and clear. He wasn't any close to be asleep. He's probably gaming or something. You're so thankful for his voice, the lovely thing, the comforting thing, that you don't even get mad at his aforehand teasing.

"Jungkook-" It's not a call of his name. It's a whine, almost a lament at this point. Tiny high tone, overly dragged vowels. Something like Juunggooo, and he must recognize the tone straight away because he starts laughing in your ear. You bite on your bottom lip hard, almost draw blood, squeeze your fist over your heart, as if it could help it handle it better.

You love him, you love him, you love him.

"Went out with the girls?" You hum as an answer. "Had a little too much fun, sweatheart?"

"No fun at all."

He's laughing again. His sly, mocking chuckle. He's too himself for you to get mad at him. He's too cute when he sounds boyish and happy like that.

"No fun?" He's having fun, it's hearable. It might be because you sound like a dumb, whiny kid. "Why is that?"

"Just cause." He hums like he understands. You hear mockery in it. He sounds a bit distant. As if he's not totally paying attention, as if you're really a four-year-old kid rambling some non-sense after school and their parent just barely pretends to be interested. "Junggooo, I'm trying to have my fun now but your thing is being mean to me."

"What thing?" He's definitely doing something else. He speaks a bit slow, you can picture his gaze far from you. And of course, it'd be, he couldn't even see you even if he tried. It's still vexing. He really doesn't want you to have him all for yourself. Why not fucking Jimin?

"The orange bunny you got me." You explain patiently, pouting a bit. You try your best not to have your vexation be too loud but it's hard. "I tried the app but it won't let me."

"The orange-" You hear it when the gears click. He even gasps a bit. You kind of brought it up out of nowhere when you accommodated him with your constant complains and fights pretty much each time he wanted to talk about this subject. And here you are, opening up a conversation on one of them. You kind of get where the shock is coming from. "Oh, the Gala thing." He even knows its name. "What- How isn't it working?"

"The app says I'm too drunk to use it." You quetch, glaring at the toy laying flat on its back next to you. The asshole.

"The app says what?"

"Jeon Jungkook! Are you even listening to me?" Hysteria was to be expected. Because here you are sad and drunk and horny and highly frustrated and it seems he keeps making you repeat everything. And of course, he would because he can't give you his undivided attention now, can he? Because he's not a generous slut like Park Jimin, he's a useless prick. And if he keeps being one, and he keeps upsetting you, you promise to yourself, as an act of self-love and self-respect, you'll tell him he should be better, he should be more like Park Jimin.

"I am, baby, but I'm confused."

Except he doesn't need any bettering, does he?

It's like he's heard your thoughts. Like somehow, even with the distance separating your two apartments, he's been able to read them directly on the lines of your heart. He knows what you need, the soft and gentle and tender Jungkook who takes care of you, the one that doesn't show often, especially now that you don't really go out and get pissed off drunk together, now that you don't expose the sad episodes you might have to him in fear of being precisely confronted to this perfect torture. Maybe he heard your mind calling Park Jimin's name too many times and he tries to ensure his position. You almost tell him not to bother. That it was just a taunt, it's always him, just him, will ever be.

"What does the message say?"

"That I'm too drunk and stupid to use it."

"I don't think that's what's written, baby."

"But-" You're seriously going to cry in a second. You don't even know from what. The app really succeeded in hurting your feelings by not working for you and he keeps calling you baby, it makes your whole inside boil and scorch like a puddle of lava. "It's invisible letters, how am I supposed to read exactly?"

"If you can't read maybe you should just go to bed for now, hm? Figure it out tomorrow."

"No, now." Full brat mode is on. You know if only he was sitting next to you, you would have raised a hand to pinch him right on the back of his upper arm -where it really stings. It works usually. You don't hurt him, the guy is basically made of muscles, he's the kind of work out junkie that's enjoying the pain. He wouldn't fucking mind your tiny attempt of an attack, no matter the amount of anger and frustration powering it.

By telephone though, it's even harder to make him do something. Possibly undoable. The only weapon that you have is your annoying screeching voice. "You fix it! You bought this shitty thing so you fix it."

"I forgot how rude you get when you're drunk." He's still making fun of you. Not taking you that seriously.

"Jungkook, I'm seriously going to cry." The worst part is that you mean it. If regular menaces won't do, surely affection blackmailing should be more effective.

"Don't cry, it's fine. I'll check. Don't hang up."

As if. You did not plan on hanging up. Ever. You've decided.

It's too nice, cuddled up in your bed, with his voice, smooth and soft, saying words that you really like, like baby, in your ear. You've decided this moment won't ever stop.

"Junggoo-"

"One second, baby." You don't have one fucking second. You don't have any fucking second to spare him. When he's made you horny and lonely and longing for so fucking long. Why would you spare him any more? He takes too long. The time he takes, you prophet, will precisely be the time your vagina will need to dry out entirely.

Even his soft voice calling you baby won't serve to make you wet again.

That's a lie.

It makes you groan. Asshole, asshole, asshole.

"Oh." Your ears perk up. He's back with you, his voice closer than before, it seems, when he starts explaining, a hint of guilt shadowing his tone. "Sorry, it's my fault."

"Of course, it is." You mumble, face deep in your pillows. "Jungkook! Everything's your fault, always." You're probably being unfair. Or maybe not. Is he responsible for making you fall for him or are you to blame for doing so? Turns out, it doesn't really matter, because he doesn't even pay attention to the blatant, telling, honest truth you've just spurred.

"When I received the package I tried it once."

"Tried?" Did he really? The cute little bunny-shaped thing you'd dismissed earlier, cursed at and threw daggers at suddenly looks different to you. You want to pick it up and maybe place a kiss on the top.

"Wait- Not like that! I didn't actually try it! I don't have a fucking clit, what-"

"You just said that!"

"I meant, I tried turning it on and linking it with the app, just to see how it worked. Like the options on the app."

"Oh." Makes more sense.

"Anyway, it's not working for you because I used my email with it and you can only have one." So many words. God. "I have to invite you. Or delete my account and then you make one with your QR code."

You turn into the whiniest, most irritating little thing then. Just a jumble of dramatic cries, something almost sorrowful because your issue appears impossible to deal with. It's not that complicated. He explained it. Too many words, too much thinking, too much paying attention, too much to do and too much delay. How does he expect you to do it when you can't even read the invisible font of the app?

"Fucking invite me then."

"Watch your mouth." It makes you roll your eyes. It's not the first time he says that. He says with this menacing growl at the end. Like he means it. Like he's really threatening you. But no matter how far you go, no matter how many times you curse at him, he never acts on it. You want to tell him, you almost do, to stop promising you things he won't ever give you. There's a ping coming from your phone. With a bit of a struggle, you manage to put the speakers on, so that he doesn't leave too far whilst you take a look at the message. A link to click on. Not that hard, it's bright blue, unmissable. It leads you back to the bitchy app.

Now it's all nice to you. It lets you enter, presents even a picture of your own toy, congratulates you for being linked to it and to Jungkook's account. Of course, it would. Now that it knows you're friends, now that he's in the thing, this bitch of an app is being nice.

There are a lot of symbols, every-fucking-where. Some wavier than others. One is shaped like a music note. Some are just little constellations of dots. You click somewhere, just to try and see if anything happens and it does.

Suddenly, the bunny is brought to life and starts purring furiously on the bed. It startles you, looks a bit intimidating. It sounds angry and complicated with all of these fucking options. At least the other toys he's gotten for you had at most two buttons, one to turn it on and off, and the other one to regulate the three levels of intensity.

You might actually need a science degree to use that. Simply to adjust it so it's not attacking you when you turn it on.

You press another button. The setting changes instantly. It starts vibrating in a jerkier way instead of one straight line of frequency.

Tentatively, you grab it, sort of unimpressed and dubious as to the way this would feel good on you. You've already grown grudges against it. It needs to impress you, prove to you that it's worthy of the effort and of you even bringing it to your precious temple.

It sucks at convincing you. You've brought it to your panties and tee covered crotch, pressed it there, waiting, and it doesn't do much. It vibrates. Weirdly. It stops and goes again, in a pattern you don't understand and it doesn't do much for you. Doesn't turn you on, doesn't make you wet. Doesn't stimulate in any positive way.

You reach for your phone with one hand, trying to keep the other one holding it against you, and it's here that the whole thing fucks up for the last time you can tolerate.

How are you supposed to fucking do that?

Don't they understand that? The people that make those fucking things? That they're going to be used mostly by single people, with a single pair of hands? How are you supposed to manage holding it up where you need it, whilst simultaneously, hold your phone up (everyone fucking knows holding a phone up with one hand, and tap on the fucking screen, especially laid in bed, is impossible and the worst fucking idea one could have - except if getting a black eye is the project) and control the intricate dashboard.

"For fuck's sake!"

"What is it?" Jungkook is sighing heavily in your room. And for a second, you're startled almost off of your own bed. You managed to forget he was even still here, on the other line, apparently waiting patiently for- for what exactly? Maybe for you to wish him goodnight and hang up. You literally forgot he was here. You were about to get yourself off -if only this shitty thing wasn't so shitty- whilst he was still here on the phone.

Why doesn't it mortify you?

"How am I supposed to use my phone and the thing at the same time? Why- How? Jungkook!"

"Stop saying my name like that!" You don't ask because you know exactly how you're saying it. There's no proper balance in your tone tonight. Either you're whining his name like a desperate brat, either you're pestering it like a disappointed, aggravated mom.

"I'm going to cry." You say again, lying this time. You've already started. It's not a lot yet. Just a puddle of tears, in each of your eyes that are just about to spill, and the prickling sensation at the tip of your nose, the latter has already starting sniffling uncontrollably.

"Why?" He sighs again. This time, it's gentler. He might have just found the key to the secret safe holding the very last drops of indulgence he hides deep inside his kind heart. "Baby, the app is really for couples."

"But I'm not a couple, I just wanna cum."

"Y/N-" He chokes on your name. "There are buttons on the toy for you to use. You don't have to use your phone, okay?"

"You're lying."

"Why would I be lying? Look! There are fucking buttons."

There are, indeed. But they suck, you think. You do try them. Pressing on them while you stretch your arms out to keep the bunny's ears close to your covered clit. It's so much work. You don't get it. The buttons are hard to press on, when you manage to activate the little monster, it just jabs against your centre, falls over from your hand. You hate the jerking motion, try to change it because clearly, it won't do. It doesn't work. The buttons suck, the toy sucks and Jungkook is cursing at you instead of helping.

"What do you want me to do? Baby, I'm- Just go to bed."

You hate that he's telling you to go to bed, again. He's probably right. You're being a pain, an embarrassing one at that. You can't just go yet, though. First of all, the very reason you called in the first place, for him to make it so you can fuck yourself to sleep, has not been effectively resolved. And on top of that, the very resolution you took earlier, the one of never hanging up, of never drawing a period to this moment, won't let you.

"This one sucks ass."

"It doesn't." He sounds calm, a bit quiet, tone low and collected. You wonder if he'd dropped whatever he was doing, whatever distraction and laid in bed like you, to listen and talk to you only. That would be nice. You're annoying as hell, poor him, he deserves better, but you're thankful for him.

"It's stabbing, how can it be nice?"

"You just- I don't even know why I'm arguing with you. You're drunk."

"Am not, you are."

He scoffs, doesn't bother insisting. He exhales deeply. You sigh as deep. Your lids are heavy. Your brain is fuming too. Your head feels fuzzy. You could sleep right now. You might make a terrible night. You might have nightmares. You might wake up in a few hours, hot and very bothered, frustrated and on edge. There's a little ping messing with an edge of your eyebrow. You know it'll grow into a headache soon.

"Junggoo..." You whimper as if he could help you. As if he's the key to this headache, to lock it away, along with the rest of your tormented feelings.

"You're tired, baby." He comments. You would bite if you were in front of him. He really wants to send you to bed. "Just go to sleep."

You should. Given that you need a good five minutes to find the energy to open your mouth and mumble, "Don't wanna."

"Then what is it that you want?"

"Told you."

"Hm?" You're not saying it again. You could fall asleep right now. With his slow breathing in your ear. It sounds so lovely. Feels like you've never been this nicely enveloped. It's like those ASMR or lo-fi music compilation videos on YouTube. The ones with the short scene, often animated, playing on the screen. It's instant peace, instant chill, purely quiet, greatly pleasant. You love these sceneries. You even have a few printed on your wall. They are great to look at and try to project in, because it seems you could never create this feeling, this atmosphere in real life.

But you've reached it. Now. The perfect peaceful land. With the perfect soundtrack coming through your phone. You're comfy and warm, it's almost as if he was actually there with you, wrapped behind you, stroking your hair. God, you wish he was there stroking your hair and kissing the top of your head. But he's not here. And why? He should be here. If he can be on the phone with you, when he used to come over to make sure the blanket is nicely tucked under your chin, why can't he be here? Life's so unfair.

"What was that?" He's probably referring to the big loud thump, throwing his toy to the ground made. It's not its fault. Even if it hurt your feelings, it's not responsible for him not being yours. Or maybe it is. He wouldn't give you toys if he were yours. He wouldn't need them. That's probably why Jiyeun doesn't like them. Because she wants him to be all that's pleasuring her. The lucky lucky bitch.

"Your stupid toy."

"Don't- do you know how much it cost?"

"Never told you to buy it."

"Sure, but don't break it! I promise it's good. You can't-"

"It stabbed me!" You accuse, petty.

"You- are insufferable." He sounds about done. Except he's not because he seems to want to prove you wrong, still. The toy on the ground starts shaking back to life. Curiously, you roll on your belly, throw a glance to the ground. It's stirring, moving around slowly, getting closer to you as if it's trying to hop back up on the bed. "Pick it up."

You do as you're told. It's vrooming lightly, quieter than you expected. You can hardly feel it in your palm. The movement more noticeable from the timid sound than by the intensity.

"Oh. It's nice now." Maybe it does have a conscience. It's being all sweet and mellow because the remote is in Jeon Jungkook, international heartthrob's hands.

"See?"

It's really gentle. It turns cute. With its bright orangy-red shade, its two cute ears and its belly, a bit domed to allow a better grip.

Your hand has a mind of its own. If he were to ask about it, to demand an explanation, even when you'll come later, and wonder mad and revolted and half dying of embarrassment, what the fuck came over you, you'd blame it all on your hand. The appendix and its own personal free will are bringing the thing back to your crotch. "You can switch the intensity, it was just at the highest before." You're hardly aware of Jungkook still talking in your ear. The phone on speaker is still laying on the pillow next to you and he's selling it to you, while demonstrating, as if he's signed a sponsorship with the brand. It could be funny but you don't really care, more curious about The Gala and finally getting to know it.

Soon enough you realize that two layers of clothing, no matter how thin, are too much. You lift the hem of his tee, exposing your panties and the lines of your mound, showing through the tissue. It makes sense then, the shape of the thing. It has those two straight ears, or poles, with enough space in between, to tuck your clit comfortably. If you'd like. And you're not sure it won the privilege just yet.

For now, it'll have it but still over your panties. They're so flimsy that really the fitting isn't too far from its initial conceptualized use. "And the modes- see," It's jerky again. It goes for a couple of beats very quick short pulses and then there's a long, monotone one until the pulses come back again. You don't like that one. It's gentler than the one from earlier, that tried to attack your clit with an angry strong beating though. "You can just switch. If you don't like the fast pulses, you don't have to use it. You just try it out." You guess he's right. You just have to try it, tame it. Learn its functions and let it learn you. Probably. Sounds like a lot of work though. The other ones were really straight forward. Good, excellent for some - special shout out to the clit hoover, which is not actually vacuuming but blowing air, which made you cum so fast and so hard in the very first two minutes of trying it. You'd turn it on and it'd do the job. Next to your ear, rambling like a radio you'd forget to turn off in another room, Jungkook is explaining how there are dozens of preset patterns and an infinite amount of slots for personal creations.

It's okay. Sounds like it would do the job. You can already tell how you'll use it if you ever decide to give it a second chance after tonight. Pressed tight against your button, turned a bit higher, in a very basic, very classic constant monotone vibration.

He's switched it to another stabbing like pulsing, very fast and aggressive, you can tell they meant to imitate the pattern of a good pounding but it does little to nothing to your excitation. Really all it does is make your eyebrows frown and your premise of a headache is back. "Hate that one."

"Change it." Kindly, he complies. Another one. You can't really identify it. Maybe a slower thrusting. It's better than the last one simply because it doesn't nearly hurt. Doesn't do much good either. But maybe it's not doing much over your panties though therefore curiously, with eyebrows furrowed now in concentration, you lift the waistband up with a finger and slip the bunny under it. Tentatively, you try to set it nicely where it should be resting, your clit out in the open, hugged tightly by the two ears replacing your lips. It's kinda nice. Barely though.

"So is-"

"Wait, turn it up a bit. I can't even tell what that's doing." You mumble maybe a tiny bit petty, a bit bad faith remaining from the bad impression the toy gave you. It's not that you want to hate because you've decided you would. It's more intricate than that. You're too tipsy to even try and explain that though.

"That one is-" After a while, doesn't do much. The higher setting, you suspect he hasn't gotten up a lot, hardly helps. It does vibrate but it doesn't seem to reach enough, your clit hardly feels anything. Your electrical toothbrush from your horny teenage years used to do a better job at being a vibrator -and this even over your jeans.

You're this close to throwing it to the ground again and give up on it, once and for all. Jungkook would need to understand. It's not because he spent a lot on it, it's not because that strange lady he keeps mentioning insisted on its good, that you are forced to appreciate it. You don't see the fucking point of this one. It does look cute and expensive but is pretty much useless. No one needs a pretty, expensive but awful friend.

"It sucks."

For a few seconds, he doesn't say anything. You consider that he might have even hung up. But then, in the quiet, his voice too serious for him not to have taken what you said personally breaks out. "You're mean."

"I think- I think it's a good opportunity to decide- uh..." The toy is still active in your panties, under your palm. The realization slowed your process of thought for a second but the bigger conclusion that it brings is that really, it sucks. So bad you even forgot it was still on -and it's not you being too drunk to have a fully, 360 awareness of your body, honestly. "To decide collectively that you need, you have to stop buying me those."

"They're not all bad! You loved the other ones!" He accuses, apparently not up for the collective decision. You are probably made of confusion at this point. How many more does he feel the need to get you? Is it that great, that gigantic, that tragic of a frustration that he developed by his girlfriend not liking these that he feels the need to bury you alive with thousands of those? The secretive shelf at the bottom of your dresser already holds little to no place left for another pretty box. And as to the satin bag you use to store the toys themselves, in your bedside table's drawer, you can't even close it anymore.

"When have I ever said that? We talked about one, I said it's fine."

"That's not what you said." Honestly, right now, you have no idea what you said. You know that you didn't find great easiness in talking about them. You've never mentioned any and he never did either, apart from the very first one. You did say something positive about it, you think you can recall. "I don't listen to you anyway because I know how bad of a liar you are."

"Well great. Blatantly admitting you don't care about my feelings-"

He bursts out in laughter. You might be a little bit of a drama queen right now. The hand that is not holding the bunny against your mound -for reasons you don't care to address to yourself, probably for you being so lazy that it feels more like an effort to change your hand's doing, take out and put away the toy, rather than just leave it there quiet and not really bothering- did reach for your chest, in a very theatrical embodiment of an offence.

"That's not what I said, you brat."

"That's what I heard though."

"I said I don't trust your mouth when the rest of you is saying something else entirely." You roll your eyes. Hopefully loud enough for him to hear it on his side of the call. "It's my new passion." He starts, giggling like an idiot. "I won't stop for as long as orgasms will look this good on you."

Oh. My God.

Is he allowed to say that? Is he allowed to say shit like that with the most calm you've ever heard anyone speak with? Like it's normal. Like it's a simple fact. Like the word orgasm in itself isn't so foreign in his mouth. Somehow he makes it sound incredible, so delicious you feel the first proper impulse to your pussy.

"You've never seen it." You counter, uneasy, feeling somehow unbalanced and unprepared against what is probably a simple conversation to him but a real personal attack with too great of weapons to you.

"I've seen the aftermath. I told you already." You wish he'd be more explicit. His words are confusing. They're not telling enough. They can be so much, they might not mean anything. He speaks softly, tranquilly, almost whispers in your ear. It's simply late. It's more appropriate, it feels, to speak quietly like that. It's one of those midnight talks.

He wouldn't know whenever he is seducing you. He's doing it constantly without meaning to. It's just him being himself and you being too weak for him. How could you make out his intentions now?

"You really-" The toy twitches in your hand. He clicked on the switch button of his app again. You're not sure why. From the way he speaks, he might not even have realised. He might be playing with the thing, mindlessly, the way he does when he picks at the skin of his fingers when he talks. He must be because he's still in his own head, talking while the thing, the barely interesting thing, turns into something else. Entirely. It's a wave-like pattern. Growing from pure stillness to a slow, growing vibration that ends in an intense climax. You gasp. He doesn't seem to hear. "You really don't want me to get you any more?"

The second wave hits. "Oh- God."

"I mean- I thought, we were- that it was okay." The sensation is incredible. For some reasons, a technology you don't fucking understand, you wouldn't fucking understand now, every single build hits insanely hard. Each time as intense if not better. You're so close to moaning. If you haven't really taken a second to realize what you were doing, actually using the toy with him on the phone, without him even knowing, somehow you know you need to remain quiet. You can't moan out loud. You sigh loud though. You have to. "I swear with you it's so hard to tell-" It's so hard to keep quiet and the realization brings a grin to your face. You're not that vocal usually. Sometimes you are, with some of the surprisingly good sessions Jungkook's presents have been offering you. But it was conscious. It was you enjoying, wanting to build a bigger pleasure, make it more sensational, it turned you on a bit, you had to admit, to hear yourself. The pleasure the toy is bringing you right now is indescribable. The more you leave it pressed to your clit, the more you feel the heat grow. You know it's already too much. You hiss and sigh, and have to bite back moans each time the high top of the wave comes. It's too much and feels like not enough.

The greedy you would want the final hit of the wave to last longer than those very few seconds. Long enough to bring you there, make you fall over the top of the hill. But it's a teasing setting. Probably programmed specifically for overstimulation. You squirm and bite back whines each time it comes, flinch and have to fight to not tear the ears away because you know the sensation is a lot to handle, too much stimulation, yet you're already addicted, unable to act on the very fair, logical, and sensible decision you should make. You shouldn't even be pleasuring yourself with him on the fucking phone.

"Are you okay?"

Jungkook asks, after having stopped talking altogether for a minute too long but it's not like you were really in any state of mind to acknowledge it.

You don't think he's noticed yet. From the noise, hopefully little, that you were making, at most, he should be able to hear some sort of short breathing, for all you know, he might think nausea is visiting from all the alcohol you've consumed and you're heaving, on the verge of throwing up.

"You're not feeling well, Y/N?" It's his concerned tone. The serious one. The one he uses whenever there's no skip button to the conversation. Usually, it leads to him coming over to take care of you like he's your mother. Which sounds great in theory but doesn't always apply wonderfully in practice.

Sometimes you don't want him to see you looking green and gross from fever sweat; sometimes you just want to be alone and recover on your own without having him watching so dramatically concerned over your shoulder. And now, you wouldn't want him to burst in with your hand still in your panties, a sweaty, bothered, horny mess for him to be left shocked and possibly disgusted by. Maybe disgusted is a big word. Or maybe it's not. How inappropriate is it to masturbate with an unknowing friend on the other end of your phone? Is it even legal?

"I'm fi-fine, Jungkook." You lie through gritted teeth. You can't possibly be fine. You've put yourself in the worst situation and you still don't do shit to get out of it. Something is very much wrong with you.

The logical thing to do, the sensible one, would be to either end the conversation, hang up and then eventually finish yourself; or else, take the thing out of your panties, possibly throw it the further away from you and keep the conversation on if that's what you wish to do.

It would certainly not be to ask for him to turn up the setting because you now really much want to come.

"You don't sound fine."

"But I am."

"How much did you drink?"

"Not that much, Guk." He makes you frown, almost rips a curse out of you. Because all this serious talk is diverting you from your pleasure. It's not like you're going to have fucking alcohol poisoning. You didn't drink that much, honestly. The drinks were not even that heavy, except for the two disgusting shots your friend forced in your hands. "Seriously, I'm good." The building up pleasure has brought a new awareness to your brain, and honestly, you feel way more alert than before. You're far from drunk, no matter how much your behaviour seems to contradict that. You're good. You'd be perfect if he'd shut up or if he'd start half seducing you as he does. Maybe he could talk about your nipples again and what you should do with them.

He did say that. Now that you come to think of it. On top of buying you those toys, he did guide you as to what to do with some of them, how you could use them. They were not his direct advice, they were the lady's but still, he felt the importance to share them with you.

"If you are then just answer the question, how much?"

"Okay in a sec but can you turn up the toy's intensity, please?"

"Turn what?" You almost bark then. The whistling f of a very practical, very useful word you shouldn't yell at him rings to your own ear but you're strong enough to hold back. "Ah the thing, yeah, sure." What a sweetheart. A bit slow, but lovely. Your whole body contracts violently when the newly powered wave hits, the beginning of a moan escaping because it's so good, it's almost painful. "I had like two shots of-" Ah. "Something. I don't know what it was, just-" Fuck. "Gross as- uh." Holy shit, that's good.

You can't believe you've judged this intricate, revolutionary technology so bad before. "And then, like, a martini or two, barely and- and-" You're so fucking close. Each time feels like the final ascension except you get back to square one whenever the vibration drops back to stillness too quick to your liking. It's pure torture. And having to make a fucking list of your consumption that's so far back in your brain right now, especially when you know that it's pointless, is not helping.

"Wait-"

"Jungkook-" You don't know if you're begging him to stop thinking now, not get to the conclusion his logical train of thoughts is trying to lead him to, or if you're begging him to help you cum, maybe be nice to the bunny which only seems to be kind to him and make him make you cum.

"Why did you ask me to turn the thing up?" He already knows the answer. You can hear in his tone that he already knows. And frankly, he's a dumb ass for not realizing sooner. "No, you're joking. You wouldn't- not when I'm talking to you."

"When if not then?" Maybe frustration has brought you some bravery, or maybe pleasure has burned the very last remaining functioning cells of your brain.

"Uh?"

It's probably gone too far now. It still feels like he owns the key to the phenomenal orgasm you can smell coming. If you were to hang up now, you wouldn't even know how to make this shitty thing work. And it's not enough. Still.

Shit.

You're definitely wailing in a second now. The next sound you mean to conceal is a sob. Why can't you reach it? And how can you be so hyper-focused on it, it doesn't seem to matter what's going on with Jungkook.

You've gone crazy. Or perhaps you're drunker than you thought yourself to be. The last wave hits differently. It's straight-up overstimulation when you haven't even come once yet. Doesn't feel very nice but at least, it's the push you need to finally lift it up a bit, make a pause and eventually show some consideration to Jungkook.

"So you've been arguing with me, saying it sucks when really you were-"

"It did suck before you changed the setting." You assert again. Because nagging is the thing you're most talented at doing, apparently.

Silence ensues. In the defeating quiet you realize even the discreet humming of the toy has stopped. He's turned it off.

Something akin to shame is finally showing the tip of its nose. It's been fucking late to the party, you note with a growing, you know to become, devastating mortification. Exhaustion and tipsiness are keeping your conscience quite numb but you don't give a chance to sober-you who'll wake up tomorrow with this awful incident engraved in her memory.

Why can't he say something? Essentially, it's his fault. It's always his fault. He makes you feel things you shouldn't and make you do things you wouldn't. You can't think properly. You're being fucking chaotic and he's responsible for that. Even you know it's reaching. You're not that petty and mean.

In a whisper, dipped in sincerity and shame, you apologize. "Sorry, Jungkook."

"For what?" Because he can't let you off the hook that easily, can he?

"Are you seriously going to make me say it? You know why!" Here comes angry-you again. Getting mad and rude for no rational reasons, and here, awfully unfairly. He really deserves better.

"No, I-" You may have broken him. Jungkook has never been the most eloquent person. Between lisping and stuttering and stopping mid-sentence to let you complete for him his missing words, he's never been the best at talking. But even for him, even knowing his history, you find him pretty affected. Possibly all messed up. There's not even the hint of sensible thought. A void filled with "uh" and "tsk" and lips smacking and hums, it's like he's ceased to function. Maybe if you just hang up and from then on, just pretend it's never happened, both of you can get away with the situation. It's an option.

"Jungkook, seriously, I'm sorry. Let's say it was a fucking, uh, drunk lapse of judgment on my part and- yeah, never mention it again."

"Yeah, okay." He whispers after a while. He sounds really shaken up. "But it's fine, I'm not mad, I'm just-"

"Bamboozled?" You suggest, heart constricted, not ready to joke yet but so desperate to obtain at least a smile from him to prove yourself that it's okay and you didn't fuck it up too bad.

"Bamboozled, indeed." He chuckles, a bit breathless on the phone. You can't help the big sigh that escapes you when relief rushes through you. He doesn't sound too upset with you. "I'm really not mad, I just wouldn't have- I wouldn't have expected this, from you."

Of course not. It makes you cringe. You bury your face in your pillow and release the most intense quiet cry you could manage.

"Sorry." You say again, quiet. Your eyes are prickly. This night is such a mess. You can't make out how you're feeling. It's like your reactions and your reflections all come to their own rhythm, inappropriately, unmatching each other's and certainly unmatching the current situation.

"Stop. And don't-" If you're decomposing yourself progressively, at least, he seems to be getting back to his senses. Voice clearer and more present. "You sound so upset now. Are you embarrassed?" It's a smile you hear in his words. You don't have the right to be mad at him but honestly, you would have hit him in the ribs if he were in front of you.

"Is it even necessary to ask?" You grumble face half suffocating still in the pillow. Oh, here's another solution. Suffocating yourself to death.

"I think so. I mean I bought them and I turned it on for you, I should have- I couldn't have known but I should have. It's fine honestly."

"It's not."

Stop pretending, you fucking liar. Even if he acts quite calm, nonchalant, you can hear a very slight difference to his usual tone. He's not sincerely, honestly, a hundred per cent okay and chill with the situation. He's faking casualness but he's not entirely it.

"It is."

"It's not. I'm just gonna die, Jeon." That makes him laugh even though you're only half-joking. You don't know if it's possible to die from embarrassment. One thing is for sure, if it's possible, you won't survive the night.

"No, you're not, baby. It's fine." Jeon Jungkook is the sweetest, needless to say. You should hang up. Apologize again, hang up and pray for him to forgive you and eventually forget all about it. But you remain on the phone because you're so desperate for his approbation and his love and any sign of reassurance from him. And he's giving it to you. When he could probably have a little rest of his own. If it's awkward for you, you can't even imagine for him. But he accepts to stay and reassures you. What a cutie. "Did you cum?"

You choke on your own saliva. More than taken aback, actually shocked. How dares he?

Or can you say that? Can you act offended when you've just done what you did? In any case, how are you even supposed to answer that question?

"You- It's just that I turned it off and we- I was just wondering if you did..." That sounds about right. That sounds like Jungkook being curious and wording this curiosity without necessarily anticipating how you'd take it. It must be part of his plan, his 'let's be the closest, let's share everything' plan he mentioned a few months back. You're not ready, won't ever be if that's what it'll look like.

You are the problem. Apparently, you can get yourself off when the poor boy is on the phone with you unbeknownst, but you still have a hard time talking about sex with him. "...because it sounds awful if you did not."

And it is. It is horrible. You'd imagine that after getting caught, feeling so embarrassed and guilty, your cunt wouldn't still be quivering and begging for you to pay attention to it again. But you've taken it so far. Made it discover new incredible sensations of course it'd still be obsessed with it and with the climax the toy teased it with.

You groan in your pillow again. Not sure how he'll interpret it. Not sure how you want him to interpret it. Should you just talk to him? He could hang up too. If really he didn't want to partake in this mess he could hang up, he could talk about anything else.

"Listen, you don't ever have to be embarrassed with me, you know that." That's reaching. You want to tell him that he can't ever say that to someone, he can't ever become anyone's mat to wipe their dirty shoes on. He should be the one feeling awkward, being mad at you, except he reassures you again. "And when you just proceed on getting yourself off while I was talking- worrying about your fucking health..." He snorts before he can finish. "How dare you act coy with me!" He's just laughing too hard now, contributing wholeheartedly to the burning flush on your cheeks. Well, you deserved it.

"Is that it? You're going to bring this up each time you'd want something from me?" You sound so upset, even to your own ears. It results in his laughter dying down pretty quickly.

"I think so, yeah." You don't add anything. You don't want to be rude. Still hope for any kind of magic word you don't even know that he could mutter to you and that'll help cure your heart and soul. Therefore you can't tell him goodbye and hang up. You wait for him to do it. Except he doesn't. It's late as fuck too. He might be working later today. Why isn't he hanging up? "If I'm talking about it, you should know that it's fine. I don't mind." An asshole and a cutie. "You okay, babe?"

The simple hum you tried to aim for turns into half of a whimper half of a moan. You're not okay. Any part of your being won't let you lie and pretend.

"Do you want me to turn it on?" For fuck's sake. "I'll hang up and leave it on so you just- it'll turn itself off when there's no battery left anyway."

"Jungkook." Your stern voice is a threat. It doesn't have to be further explained, he gets it.

"What?" He sounds aggravated. You can imagine him raising his hands to the skies, upset and losing patience as he's only trying to make it better for you and oh women are so complicated. Something like that. "Oh my God. Just get yourself off and feel better after."

"You don't tell me what to do." Childish but there's not much left of your brain. "Well, you don't even fucking know what to do with yourself right now. Am I right or am I right?" He whisper-yells back at you. Very mean.

"Asshole." It's a tiny whisper under your breath but you're certain he hears it even if he completely ignores it.

"Listen, since you can't even- how old are you, seriously?"

"Fuck you." Barely louder. You definitely know he's heard this time, but still, he decides to dismiss it. He's always been more productive than you.

"I'll turn it on and hang up. You take care of yourself like a big girl, alright?" He probably believes that you can't get yourself to ask for what you want aka a wild night with the fucking toy you can't get to work yourself. But it's not actually the case. Honestly. Now all you can think about -besides the whole very humiliating moment when he caught you in the act- is the way it kept torturing you, bringing you very high but never enough. It started to hurt at the end, brought impatient frustrated tears to your eyes. You don't even think you could finish with it.

Maybe it's inappropriate to seriously consider it. Maybe you won't ever learn your lesson.

Before you even get to word your refusal, the thing is on. It's on the same devilish setting as earlier. The merciless wave. Fuck.

"Don't! It's not- it won't even make me cum, stop it!"

"What? Why not?"

"I don't know the setting is weird." You start explaining through the thicker pout to have ever existed. You're really considering having him solve your climax. You've gone crazy.

"What's wrong with it? Tell me, I'll put on one you like."

Fuck.

You are doomed.

What are you supposed to do with a guy like this?

"I don't think there is." You can hear the frustration from his end before he even says a word. It's written in the stars that in a second he's going to bring it all up, the part when you got off and pester that you can't still be complaining about the fucking toy. "No, I mean it's- the one I liked, the last one you clicked on, it's like-" Fuck, you're really doing this. "A wave. You know? It grows crescendo but it always stops right before- right when it's really good. And I just couldn't- because the good part doesn't last long enough and, yeah."

"Wait, let me look." He sounds a bit further away from you then. He's logged back into the app, you can tell. And with his tiny "hm" and his "so...", he sounds the way he does when your computer is being difficult and he's trying to fix it because you won't pay a professional to do it when you have this nerd populating your entourage. "Ah. You want the high moment to last longer?" "Yes." You can picture him nod to himself, frowning his eyebrows and sucking his lips in the way he does when he's super focused.

"Like that?" You wouldn't know because the toy is lost somewhere, you can hear it but not see it. You ask him to wait for a second and it stops altogether. Doesn't make it easier to find it but it wasn't lost that far. Once you have it in your hand, you gulp, ashamed, not sure if you could ever play with this thing again. But the other guy on the phone doesn't seem to have his motivation falters. You're not the one telling him to try again, on his own, he executes.

It's hard to tell in your hand, the vibrating ears hugged tightly in your palm, if it's going to be satisfactory enough. If it's precisely the thing that was missing from earlier. It follows the pattern you asked him though. Still to a growing intense high that lasts for approximately a good ten seconds rather than the lame 2 seconds from earlier.

"I think so..."

"Okay then. You... mute yourself and then- Uh, no. I should mute myself so- or we both mute ourselves?" He's not really with you anymore. Lost in his own head amongst those seemingly very difficult questions. You don't even get where he's trying to get at. Wasn't he supposed to hang up?

"Why would you stay?"

"It's just- it's me doing it. There's no setting for what you want, it's me doing it. I have to draw the frequency on my phone."

"There's an option for that?"

"Yes. There's even one to have it follow audio!" He points out with way too much enthusiasm. He might have really found a new passion.

"Sounds like high tech."

"Yep."

"Sounds expensive as hell."

He laughs in the mic, snorts even before he brushes it off. Quite frankly, no matter what you'd have to say to him, he'd always do as he wishes. If spending ridiculous amounts of money on ridiculous things for ridiculous you is what he wants to do, he won't let anyone, not even you, tell him not to.

You don't know what to say, he's not saying anything either. He suggested something quite insane: he'd stay. While his finger would be drawing shapes on his screen to actively give you your pleasure, he'd stay on the phone with you. Maybe it's a bit hypocritical or ironical, how it sounds crazy to you now while ten minutes ago, you had no problem doing it without him knowing. That's probably the main issue here, him knowing. That changes everything.

"But if you stay-"

"We can't both mute ourselves because I won't hear if you ask me to change something or- so you, you just stay like that and I'll mute myself."

"Jungkook, you muting yourself won't change my awareness of you being here."

"But maybe you'll forget about it?"

"Jungkook."

"What?" He sounds contrite then. Like an upset child who's being argued with. He's trying so hard but you make it so difficult, it seems.

There's just one thing holding you back. Until now you couldn't quite pinpoint it. And it's hard to resolve an issue you can't name.

But it just hit you. His way of insisting while making it seem like he does it for you only, to help you out and doesn't necessarily find his part in the cake.

"Do you want to?"

"Uh?"

"You sound like- I don't know what you sound like. You're confusing. If you're just trying to give me a hand and solely that then hang up and I'll just- whatever."

"Oh."

"Of course, it makes no sense for you to do this for me and stay if you don't want to, I mean." He takes forever to answer. For a second, you even peek at your screen wondering if he didn't simply quit the conversation.

It's really all you need to know. If somehow, to some extent, he wants you or at least, wants to partake in this genuinely. You don't want it if it's just a bro hand. You can hardly live with what you've done if he's utterly uninterested. But if he does want it, even a little bit, you might be wrong but you feel like everything would turn out to be fine.

"It's not that hard of a question." You try again because it almost feels like he's forgotten you from how long he's remained silent. He had put you on the spot, in this very conversation too, so many times, you have the right to do the same to him, at least once. "Do you want to stay?"

He cracks up. It's the very hard kind of laughter. With the boyish chuckles, mixed with the squeaky intakes of air. The one that always brings a smile to your face and usually drags you along the fit.

You have no idea what it means right now. It's probably the least appropriate time for it to show up. Therefore instead of making you smile it only reinforces the headache slowly growing at your temple.

"Aah." He starts by exhaling longly. You can hear the grin fixed on his face. "Yes." Your heart trips in your rib cage. You should have guessed it but you couldn't have imagined this answer. And him laughing to tears like a fucking deranged infant doesn't help. "Shit, sorry." He apologized when the remnant of what sounds definitely like a giggle resonates in through the phone.

"What's so funny, Guk?" Your words don't match your tone. You're high under pressure, unsure of what's actually going on. Jungkook is not cruel, you've known him long enough to know that he wouldn't deliberately hurt you, wouldn't mess with you so bad, for so long, even for a great laugh. Still, you can't be convinced that he's sincere. Seriously, how could you? The dude won't stop fucking laughing.

"Nothing, I'm just- I didn't realize until you asked me the question that I wanted to." Oh. "I'm an idiot."

"Welp." Could have told you sooner but I thought you knew.

"Mean. And, uh," It sounds like he's tossing and turning in bed again. You bet he's just gotten the exact same position as before. He's like those cats that turn around in circles again and again until they settle for the initial spot. When he starts talking again, his voice is hardly a whisper, you assume he's holding the mic very close to his mouth. "I should ask you too. Do you want to?"

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't want it, moron." Patience has run thin. Now that you're reassured you don't have to be ashamed and embarrassed anymore, you can simply be annoyed as you get with him.

Honestly, you're still feeling abashed but he doesn't need to know that.

"Quit being mean. It's not my fault I'm slow." He says, faking deep pity and it does make you snort. "Okay, well..."

"Well, indeed."

"You're making this awkward!" You roll your eyes. Feels like you can sort this out. If you do take out the very blatant, scorching awkwardness, it's a very regular interaction between you. Sounds like any other day except in a second he's going to press a finger to his phone in hopes to make you cum.

"Your whole existence is awkward."

"Shut up. Let's just fucking start." He groans as if you're the one belating the initial step –you are but so is he.

"I don't have the fucking remote." He tells you to shut up again, and this time, when you hear him hum to himself when he's opening the app, there's a recognizable brushing noise falling directly in your ear.

"You put your earbuds on."

He doesn't answer but you're sure he's registered the question.

Fine.

If he doesn't want to give you an answer you'll just make up your own. Don't you put earbuds on to hear better? Just saying.

"Put the thing on."

"Oh my God, Jungkook-" You take back your own admission. He's the one, solely, all alone, making it painfully awkward. Sounding like a newly pubescent teen trying to initiate sex. "Could you be any smoother?"

"But-" He sighs. "Do you want me to?" How do you ask your best friend you've may have been in love with for officially a couple of months to please act like an ideal lover even if it's just very short-termed? He sounds willing. But asking is the most difficult part. "I can be- or do whatever you want, I just don't know-"

"I like it when you call me baby." Your whole face is scrunched up in a perfect picture of your intense embarrassment. Formalities need to get fucking out of the way and it's precisely what you've just tried to do. But holy shit, it's painfully embarrassing.

"Oh. Do you now?"

Here comes the smirk. Can't see it. Can hear it clearly. It's pretty much louder than his words even.

You want to tell him to forget it all. That it's not going to work if each fucking second he makes you feel like he's going to be using whatever you say or whatever you do against you later on. You decide to demonstrate exemplary patience, reminding yourself that he's not cruel. Admittedly.

Perhaps you're the idiot and it's all your fault. Because you've just admitted (without him even asking) that you like (and into these circumstances, that it turns you on) to have him call you baby. Thing that he does already every time he starts coddling you.

"Okay then." He startles you, clearing his throat. You wonder if he's as anxious as you are, or at least, a tiny bit nervous. For the most part, he doesn't seem like it. Then again, he's quite good at pretending.

It shows soon after when he starts again, this time with the gentle, soft voice he hardly ever uses with you. There's a tiny newcomer, a certain edge that gives it some firmness and that enchants you. That's exactly what you wanted him to be. "Put it on, babe."

You nod wordlessly, omitting that he can't see you and do as told. Slipping the toy under the waistband of your panties, guiding the ears aside your clit. There's a very faint buzzing coming from them. You barely feel it and you suppose it's just there to have you accommodate better.

"Are you still dressed?"

"It's just my panties and a big shirt." Your shirt you'd add if you had a bit more courage. You hope he's going to let you keep it.

"Take your panties off." The part of you who's his best friend wants to nag, tell him that maybe he should have asked that before demanding you place the toy on your cunt but you feel generous and merciful, and also desperate and tired of your orgasm being stalled for so long. "Are they soaked from earlier?" Okay, this shit's going to be hard. There's no coming back. Strangely, it's just now that it's really hitting you. Even if it's going well, there is no way, you'll ever forget his velvety smooth whisper saying those words. There's no way you're helpless cunt ever forgets.

They are, by the way. You don't even get how you've been able to keep them on and ignore the uncomfortable stickiness for this long. Just sliding them along your thighs feels disagreeable.

"Y/N." Sounds like you're getting scolded. And even if you particularly like the way he just said your name, with that same peculiar edge from earlier, a little sharper then, how are you supposed to answer that? "What did you say earlier? That it can't only be for you, is that right?"

"Yes." You admit sheepishly because now you're definitely getting scolded. It brings flush on your only newly temperate cheeks and you don't even hate it.

"Then I'll give you everything, I told you I would but I'll need you to give me some back. Can you do that?" He sounds so strict, how can you like it so much? You can literally feel the electricity along your spine, sliding down to go faint in the hot mess between your thighs and that's ridiculous. You hate being talked to that way, usually, probably because it's never him doing it. Jeon Jungkook might be your ultimate kink. And somehow, he figured it all out. That whatever he'd do would fit you perfectly well. Also, he might be turning like that because undeniably, you're a brat. "Can you?" He insists again because whilst you've been busy trying not to hyperventilate, he's been waiting for one answer.

"Yes. Yes, I can. Sorry."

"Don't apologize, it's fine." You should want to bite him. Why insist so much if it's to end up leaving you off the hook so easily? You know though, for a fact, awfully bothersome to your ego, that if he were in front of you presently, you'd give him puppy eyes and batting lashes, sad pouty lips and probably tend your neck to invite him to gently pat your hair. "Tell me, are your panties soaked?" "I think I ruined them..."

"You did, didn't you?" He's laughing a bit, kind of full of himself for some reasons. Maybe he knows that it's mainly his fault they ended up this way. Maybe he knows they are not the only pair fallen victim to simply the thought of him. "Was it worth it?"

"You're taking care of me so I'd say yes." A chortle. A purr that you interpret into something you like a lot. It sounds like he's taken your response for exactly what you wished him to. A tease. He makes your belly churns and twists, turns your nerves from your heart to your noggins haywire. The least he can allow you to do, the least you'd like to do, is for him to be affected by you.

It starts with a gentle buzzing. It's nothing much. Nothing at all, you'd say if you'd let your greediness and impatience talk. There's something else doing it for you, for now. Jungkook's breath, sort of heavy, slow, rocking you with warmth. Knowing he's here and here to please you; you're laid in bed, naked from the waist down, wet and about to make it all better thanks to him; the picture itself makes it all for you.

"How is it?" Jungkook asks after some time. It's been silent. You haven't said much, in fact, you haven't said anything yet. Not that ready to demand more, and not feeling enough for moans or whimpers or whatever to be stolen from you.

"Boring." You admit. "S'not what you were supposed to give me." Through a thick pout, you deplore.

It doesn't work. He doesn't care. He doesn't fucking care when he's playing exactly the role you've implicitly asked him to play. "Have you said please, even once?" You hate that he's virtually pinning you down with exactly what turns you on.

"I- Probably." You haven't said much. You haven't been so explicit, so telling simply because you couldn't, but surely, you said please. Didn't you?

"Not probably. You did not. And on top of that, you're complaining." He's figured out exactly what you wanted, what you needed. Therefore, as naturally as it came for him, you fit it your own role easily.

"I'm not complaining. I was just- pointing it out. Sorry."

"You can apologize a lot but you can't even say please. Not once." Well, fuck. You never thought that he could be mean. Awfully mean. You wished, when you let your mind wander there one too many time, a bit too deep, that he'd be like that. Sweet and soft and tender the way he is, always, but also, bad, kind of harsh. "Ask kindly, once."

"Jungkook-"

"I'll give you everything you want. Just once."

"Please, Jungkook." You know he's satisfied with what you offer him because you don't have to wait another second for him to give you precisely what you were waiting for. It's timid, follows the crescendo built you were looking for except it's not intense. It's the first step however it's incredibly effective. It feels as good as the first time. "Plea-please." Manifestly, it is the secret word, the passcode to your pleasure because the intensity you're craving for finally reaches you. It does in an electrifying peak, that lasts long, just like you asked, it's so good, the feeling so perfectly indulgent to your needs, maybe even too much, you squirm, part the little ears from your clit, hissing. "Shit, Jungkook!"

"Too much, baby?" The hypocrite, with his concerned tone, doesn't even take a break from activating the vibration, from keeping on building the intensiveness. You can tell it's he too, him really doing it live, as in it's not absolutely regular, the built sometimes takes longer, sometimes the volume stronger, other times weaker. It's undeniable, every minute of it feels different from the next, you can't even omit for a second that it's him doing it. And he's doing it so well.

"Per- fect, just- sensitive." You moan out. Back arching, right leg twitching. The next brush is particularly nice, goes so far you believe you might come on the spot. Now you definitely can't hold back even if you wanted to. The sounds that come out of your mouth, foreign to your own ears, are not even yours. They come straight from your body, straight from an excess of pleasure you try to deal with, to handle, when you clearly can't. You're alone, and it's you ultimately controlling the power on your own body, you can pull out, even slightly, every time it comes hard and strong and you ought to twitch uncomfortably. You wonder how it'd be if he were here with you. If he forgot just for a while that you were his best friend, the girl who used to be older and taller and has turned, with the years, into this tiny little thing because he just kept on growing and growing, sprouting like a fucking redwood, and now feels like he needs to protect and care for you. If he were there, and he could forget that, you bet, his present voice, heated, scorching, is telling you this, that probably, he'd hold you down, crush your body with his, hand pressing your thighs down and apart, and force you to take the pleasure in its entirety. You imagine him merciless, slipping sweet words in your ear, while he'd have you literally scream from overstimulation.

And then his voice, the perfectly alluring thing, concludes to let you know it won't happen like that. His voice will make you come.

"You sound so good." Especially, if he keeps saying shit like that, with this tone, soft yet strong and highly, terribly affected. He's breathing hot and heavy in your ears. Is he touching himself?

"Please, Jungkook." You implore, vainly, hips slowly grinding against the toy, pressed by your palm on your sensitive centre.

"Especially begging, 'sound so, so good." He's not touching himself. He sounds bothered, but not enough, he doesn't stutter like you do, his voice doesn't jump and dip, stops momentarily like yours does. Shit, you wished he would play with his cock. Fuck, you want to play with his cock. So fucking bad.

"Y-you like it?" You ask, not because you're curious to know, he's said it already, but because you won't ever get tired of hearing him say it, in all those different ways.

"I do, baby. I love hearing you." You can't help the curse that leaves your lips a bit harsh. You're so close. So so close. Eyes filled up to the brim, tip of your nose wet. How many times have you thought, already, that you were seriously going to fall over? "You gonna cum?"

"I can't-" You sob, whine. There's a tear spilling from your right eye. "It's too much." So attentive to your every word, the intensity drops drastically. It still buzzes, discreet, way more tolerable. Ironically, if you can now bear it, you know it's not enough to lead you to your climax either. "Help me, make me cum, Guk."

"Use your fingers." He's been nice, essentially, you can only be good to him. Without even having to think about it, you dip your fingers in the mess that is your cunt. Two fingers slip in between your lips too easily, you could add a third if only there wasn't the bunny taking a bit too much room, and your fingers were longer, and your hips not so twitchy. If Jungkook was here, if only he was here, he'd fit his two fingers and it'd be enough. You bet it'd be enough. You bet his pretty, long, tattooed fingers would stretch you so well and make you come in a heartbeat. "Fuck yourself with them."

It's so gratifying. Having him humming in your ear encouragements and compliments. He's sweet, sweet, sweet. Excellent with his voice. Fuck, he must be unreal with his fingers, with his mouth, with his fat cock.

Diligently, you drag your fingers in and out, it's only mildly agreeable when you're sopping wet, almost gaping. Until he draws on his phone the same magnificent pattern from before.

You wish it'd last longer. It's precisely what you needed, the ideal combination. Along with his words.

You know if you come he'd have to stop. He'll stop calling you baby, stop saying how sexy you are, use all those nasty words he never does and talking like that, with this voice, with this heat in his tone. It's a bothering thought at the back of your mind you have to actively push away.

There's nothing you can do when harshly, yet with a please, he demands you to cum.

You can feel your cunt, wide open from both your spread legs and the excitation, getting wet, growing soaked. You can actually feel it as it happens before you explode. Clenching violently around your fingers, spilling all over them, you might squeak and scream and moan his name continuously, you barely hear yourself through your ringing ears.

"Fuck, Jungkook..." You sigh. Laying there, boneless, hand dripping up to your wrist. He's chuckling. "Fuck."

"Feeling better?" You hmm in response. Words sound like too much effort right now. Your brain is working slow. Extremely slowly. There's a multitude of thoughts forming though, germinating from a strange ground.

One, in particular, does, enlarging ridiculously much next to the others. You could enjoy this luck. You could just bathe in the lovely, perfect haze. Accept that the sky is perfectly blue without a cloud, with even a rainbow somewhere. Maybe a double rainbow even.

There's a very, very dark, very, very large cloud invading your perfect sky though. And because tears, of another kind, have already located your eyes, the new ones fit in, mixing up with them and taking over them with utter ease. What the fuck have you done?

"Jungkook, I'm so sorry-" You start with a tremble in the voice. There's a fat lump in your throat.

"Why? What's going on, baby?" He's sweet as honey, back to his usual self, worried, and you're horrible.

"Your- I didn't even think about her and-" There's a sob bubbling out of your mouth. "It's not me. I didn't mean to-"

"What are you talking about?"

"Jiyeun." The taste in your mouth when you say her name, is unbearable. You know full fucking well you shouldn't say her name. You shouldn't be allowed to. How dare you. Spoil it when you spent way too long virtually getting in this guy's, who's someone else's boyfriend, pants.

"Dumbass." It makes you choke on your own sobs. "It's over. With her, I mean. We broke up." Ah. You want to ask a billion questions. Starting with "again?". Soon followed up by a "why didn't you say anything, dickhead?". You spent the whole fucking night, getting shit faced and spiritually crying in the club over a couple that does not even exist anymore. Then you'd ask for how long they are planning to be over. "For good, this time." You're barely drying up your fat crocodile tears when he calls you an idiot again, says something about how he's not that kind of guy and you should know it.

Feels better. The thunderstorm is gone.

Alcohol and horniness and hardcore loving are such a terrible combo you need to avoid.

"Cuddles." Tiredly, half-dead, but still alive enough to be greedy, to feel sensible, skinned and want him to give you more. "Come cuddle." He's late to answer, delays it as if you don't desperately need his response.

It's terribly quiet and still. The dark of the night seems even more sombre. He can fix everything if only he'd give you the answer you desire.

"You sure?"

"Always." You say, maybe too honest. He doesn't seem to mind, agrees with a snort.

"Alright."

He appears in front of you in the blink of an eye. Literally. That blink does last longer than usual. The orgasm may have crushed you. You close your eyes and when you open them back up, he's here. Standing in the doorframe of your bedroom, dressed in all black and oversized, as usual. You look up, eyes squinted, bothered by the light coming from the hallway. He's staring. Gaze brushing, from your head to your toes, seemingly slowing down when they reach your naked thighs.

"What?" You mumble, embarrassed, one hand sliding down just to make sure the hem of the shirt is covering your crotch. You didn't even put your panties back on. You may or may not have wiped yourself clean enough with the wet wipes wisely sitting on your bedside table -you thought about it really hard but you can’t remember if you actually did it.

"You never mentioned it was my t-shirt you were wearing." You shrug. You'd have a better come back if you weren't so tired and if it wasn't simply true. "Would have been nice to know." He says, kneeling down next to your bed. The latter is low, mattress barely raised from the ground and even when he's crouching down, he's hovering above you, looking down on you. "Easier to picture." He adds quieter the closest he comes to you. It's enough words to know who he is at the moment. In what form, what version of your Jeon Jungkook, has come to visit. It's the gentle one. The one whose voice doesn't raise, doesn't feel as animated as his usual one when he spends his time being a clown to make everyone laughs. The one that made you fall, the first time. Not exactly the one you had on the phone with you earlier and even if you like him, if you adore him in fact, you feel sort of uneasy, worried. He might be gone forever, this one.

Unless it is him. His hands reach forward, large and warm, they lie on your thighs. The fingers brush up a bit, to the hem of his shirt, and they stop there. He looks up from them, straight in your eyes, smiles, digs the tips in the meat of your thighs before he lifts you up, aiming for the border of your bed.

God. You hope it'll happen again. But differently. More in-depth. He'd be less dressed, he would manhandle you, before he'd do some unnamable things to you. But another day. One when you're not almost dead. When you feel hornier and less soft and desperate for direct comfort to your swollen heart. It could be tomorrow when you wake up. If he's up for it. Please God, make it so he's up for it.

Jungkook hops on the bed behind you, huffs comfortably, holding your cover by a corner to bring it up and over the two of you. He fits behind you too naturally for it to be the first time. He doesn't seem to mind that you're so underdressed, compared to the other times, that you still have some remnant of your orgasm on you, that it's different. His arm sliding around you, holding a bit too tight, pressing you a tiny bit too hard, you're still hot from earlier. It's perfect though. You don't want him to move an inch and you hope, the hand that's wrapped on his forearm, makes him understand.

"M'not too clingy?" His own cheek pressed hard to your own, he asks, which is weird. How could he still wonder? He's never ever been too clingy. Even when you were kids and he followed you around before even asking if he could, he wasn't too clingy. The closest, the better. You deny with a uh-uh. He calls out for your name when you're fighting to keep your eyelids open. It's the most comfortable, the warmest you've ever felt. Like a cocoon of pure love and adoration. On top of it, there's his hard arms around you, his hard thigh pushing against yours, his crotch -with the feel of his member, slightly stiff- glued to your butt, and his chest, as hard as the rest, holding your back up like a strong wall. "I promise I didn't plan the whole toys thingy for that."

"For what?" Sleepily, you wonder, actually confused from exhaustion. To cuddle with you? Like you haven't in so, so long. Why would he try to apologize for it? "To use them with you."

"What a shame." You don't think he can understand. Diction is not something you care for at the moment. The hard laugh bubbling in his chest, rumbling, shaking your whole, lets you know he did, in fact, get it.

"You're so-" He starts but the thought dies way too soon for you to even try and complete it yourself. "I'll have a billion questions for you tomorrow."

"No." You whine. Because he's fucking up everything. If he believes you'll say it all to him, there's no way you can. There's no way you will. He chuckles.

Doesn't seem to be taking you seriously.

"Yes. And you'll answer every single one of them." He gives a sweet but pressing kiss to your neck.

"No."

"I adore you." Fucking hell. "I broke up with Jiyeun because I adore you too much. I realized I want to spend all my time and energy on my best friend." You don't even know what he means. You can't even hold your eyelids open now, you can't even keep your hand on his arm, it being too heavy and sleep having taken over most of your body.

You bet he's saying that just because he's guessed it. He's figured you all out and the asshole doesn't mind playing with your soft heart. He knows he'll get anything from you if he's this good. Hopefully, tomorrow, he'll have forgotten about his little interrogation because you're not sure you'll be able to lie. For now, he's holding you way too close for you to care. Whatever. May it last forever, this feeling.

A/N: DON’T HATE ME OKAY?! i know i have an issue with angst and endings, for some reasons, i don’t want to hurt my characters but i can’t get myself to write an actual fully happy, non-ambiguous conclusion, and i’m really sorry for it lmao.

i sincerely hope you enjoyed the last part of The Wishlist! Thank you immensely for anyone who’s followed along, please let me know your thoughts, i really really want to know :)

for now, i’m sending you lots of love and kisses, take good care of yourself and others, see ya very very soon :]

tag list: @safi4x​ @kai-kai-bookshelf​ @somewhereinthestarss​ @hsinmyheart​ @moonchild1​ @monvieesdaebak @pasteljoonie​ @fangirls94​ @jinsalpaca​ @ggukkieland​

[skepticalarrie]

Hi,

Idk if you answer not larry related questions but I'd really like to know your thoughts on liam and his friendship with louis! I love lilo and i always thought their friendship was so wholesome. However lately (especially after the logan paul podcast drama) i heard so much shit about liam. Mostly that he is homophobic. I did try to look into things before i decided I'm gonna bother you with this but i didn't find enough information that satisfied my curiosity and i wanted to ask someone who i trust won't give me fake information.

Basically i have a hard time believing that if liam really is homophobic he would be friends with louis and that louis would tolerate homophobic behaviour from his close friend. So there would be the obvious conclusion that they aren't actually friends which i simply do not believe. I see so much affection between them and i really think they care so deeply for each other.

So what do you think? Is liam homophobic? Or has he done things that seem homophobic but they were out of context or just mistakes for which he has apologised? I don't want to invalidate anyone who felt attacked by liam's behaviour but i also don't want to believe he would do/say such things! I do think he has problems but i don't think he's half as bad as people make him look.

Thank you if you decide to answer and sorry for this being so messy and possibly grammatically wrong, english isn't my first language <3

Hi, anon! I’m not sure if I’m the best person to help you with your dilemma. I stan Harry and Louis, and that’s it, I don’t follow the other boys enough to have deep opinions about them.

I have no idea why people are calling Liam‘s behaviour homophobic. I remember one particular situation back in 2015 that could be interpreted as a weird comment about that but as far as I remember he apologized and all - and I think that’s the same one you’re referring to. So I really have no clue what this is about. What I think about Liam is that he’s essentially a good guy, but he got lost and he’s struggling a lot. I really don’t like the comments that were made by him on that Logan Paul podcast and he needs to learn to keep his mouth shut and take care of his mental health, because something is clearly going on there. People on the internet are just mean and didn’t waste any time before being assholes about what Liam said and putting the boys against each other. I mean, Liam is paying his price now. And that’s all I have for you.

One thing I learned over the years in this fandom though is that supporting HL doesn’t mean you need to support people around them as well. Because they’re not responsible for what their friends and families say and do. I think a lot of people like to keep up with people around them but that’s where I draw the line for myself. Because when I put myself in their shoes that’s what I’d like people to do for me. I’m not responsible for people around me and it’s no one’s business the kind of relationship I have with people. So… I don’t know how close Liam and Louis are lately. But whatever that is, I hope is something beneficial and good for both of them.

And if I can offer you a piece of advice, anon. You seemed pretty concerned about people saying this and people saying that… and then you came to me so I could give you a definitive answer on what you should think. I wouldn’t do that. Do your research if that’s bothering you, go ask people who are actually saying the things you mentioned, so you can form an opinion yourself. You don’t need to rely on what other people think or say. And I think you should follow better people, too, by the way.

[queer-and-dear-books]

Title: If This Gets Out

Author: Sophie Gonzales & Cale Dietrich

Genre: YA Fiction | Romance | Drama | Friendship | Music | LGBTQ+

Content Warnings: Homophobia | Drug Abuse | Alcohol | Car Accidents

Overall Rating: 9.4/10

Personal Opinion: Teen heartthrobs, Ruben and Zach, of the American boy band, Saturday, are dating. But they can’t let the world know or else they’ll be shafted by their management company. In this riveting story about the pressure of being in the public eye and dating in secret, can Ruben’s and Zach’s relationship survive? You’ll have to read to find out.

Do I Own This Book? No, but I wouldn’t mind.

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- First of all, this is such an interesting situation. Most YA books are set in high schools because duh. The characters in this novel though are teen heartthrobs in an American boy band like Big Time Rush or N*SYNC. Ruben is gay and he’s wanted to come out to the public since he was 16. He’s now 18 and Chorus, their management company, still will not give him the green light to do so. And then he gets into a relationship with fellow band member, Zach. The tension is exquisite. The fact that they’re in a secret relationship is just so good and the way they find comfort in each other when things are shitty (which unfortunately, it happens a lot) is simply so heartwarming. I love how they are there for each other and how much they care. Even before Zach realized he’s bi, he cared so fiercely for Ruben and it was just so sweet.

- Angel Phan is easily one of my favorite characters. Not just because he’s a hot Asian guy with sex appeal but because he’s just so funny. Chaos given human form. My favorite scene with him though is probably when he was guessing what Zach’s news was and was able to tell instantly after Zach came out that he and Ruben were hooking up.

- But Angel’s parents may be even better. His mom hugged Jon because he’s the reason Angel got help for his drug problem. And then Angel’s dad said that if Anjon was real, he would have been happy to have Jon as their son-in-law. And then Angel tried to high five his dad only to be left hanging so I know where his sense of humor came from. I love the Phans. And I love that Angel got help and apologized to Jon for the shit he said once he was out of rehab. 

- Honestly, all of Saturday is just so good. They’re a found family to a T. They care so deeply for another and they’re willing to do shit like climb down balconies just to protect one another. And now they’re thinking of living together, the four of them! God, that is a true found family right there.

- Also, the band is basically the most diverse boy group ever. Jon is biracial, half-black and half-white. Angel is (I assume) Vietnamese. And the two white guys are queer. 

- The producer for Good Afternoon United States is a real one for turning the mic back on. I respect her so much for that because it’s possible she could get sued horribly by Chorus. But the whole coming out scene was just beautiful. I love how they looked out onto the crowd and saw queer boys actually tearing up over it. And I imagine I would be too if I was there. Representation is just so important and it makes me so happy that Ruben and Zach think making queer kids feel less alone makes it all worth it.

- Also Zach fixing things with Ruben almost immediately was good content. Never thought I’d see it. Seriously, he showed up at Ruben’s door with gas station flowers, an apology, and a promise to do better. He supported his words with actual actions and proved that he was willing to be more decisive and assertive. That is true romance. I do kind of wish we went into Ruben’s POV for it though. Have it slowed down and have him digest everything because it happened real quick on Zach’s side. Not enough time for me to bask in it.

- I love how Ruben learned to be a better advocate for himself. His mother is the worst. I genuinely have never hated a fictional parent more. And it makes me so happy that he’s learning to set up some proper boundaries. It’s not an overnight thing either. He still feels the temptation to text her to “minimize the damage.” But he knows now that he has a good support system that he can always turn to if he needs to. I also love that he hung up on her when she began criticizing him in the end. She deserved that.

- Laura, on the other hand, is a great mother. I love her banter with her son, Zach. They were so cute together and so honest and I truly wish she knew the full extent of how she hurt her son by comparing him to his shitty father. But overall, the way she gave Ruben a place to stay and apologized to Zach for making him feel unsafe is honestly still so heartwarming.

- Shantelle Braxton is an amazing mother too. What a badass, going against her husband like that and supporting her son and his band. I can’t believe she really had screenshots of her husband’s bigotry, lmaoooo, RIP to Chorus.

Dislikes:

- That period of time when Zach said he needed space and kept on saying the wrong thing? Yeah, I hated that. And then Ruben kept saying the wrong thing too and it got even more annoying. I was so fucking frustrated, I felt like quitting the book. I’m glad I didn’t but dear lord, I wanted to. I just hate when characters don’t talk about things and I’m glad Zach figured that out and grew over the course of the book. But enduring it was still a lot.

- Fuck Geoff and Chorus, fuck Erin, fuck Veronica Montes too. I hate all of them but they were all necessary evils and we’re not supposed to like them, so whatever. That being said, Keegan and Pauline were not necessary casualties in this. They lost their jobs and for what.

- I really thought Ruben saying, “Sure?” to the fangirls asking, “Anjon?” was going to bite them in the butt somehow. Or Zach’s mom misinterpreting Ruben as the sole bad guy in that situation was going to reach Ruben’s ears and make him resent Zach momentarily. They just felt like Chekhov’s gun but they didn’t go off. I don’t know, they just gave me anxiety and I was worried they were going to bite the main characters in the ass but they were just… never mentioned again. It bugs me because Zach LET his mother think that way about Ruben. That Ruben came onto Zach and then got upset about it not being reciprocated. It just rubs me the wrong way. Maybe because it paints an almost predatorial and incel version of Ruben when nothing could be further from the truth.

[tricksters-kiss]

Okay, so my thoughts are; in school their both faking themselves.

Kashiko fakes being a Ganguro so she can be popular and not be bullied for her darker skin tone anymore, which she doesn’t even know why she has since her mother refuses to say anything about her father, and her insecurities and identity crisis causes her to bully other people instead.

Hokuto chooses the opposite, to be unapproachable, by picking the the delinquent look and demeanor. Why he was bullied is unknown, but is likely for looking like an easy target as he looked weak and slightly feminine with his long hair. Also opposite, in being bullied he refuses to be a bully himself.

Once out of school, they both feel like they can be themselves again. But ‘themselves’ has change.

Kashiko is now comfortable with her skin, and has since learn what her other half is. She starts to embrace both, while also being as fashionable as her ganguro self was. She neither bleaches nor straightens her hair anymore and lets it be natural. She also still talks similarly to the way she did while in school.

Hokuto decides to stop bleaching his hair and let it grow out, but found he liked a lot of the delinquent aesthetic he had in school and as such still shaves his sides. He also gets a tattoo on his neck that he design in school. (I’ve been imagining it on the opposite side, but you couldn’t see it if I put it there, so :p) He also gets a few more ear piercings.

(The clothes, I just slapped on since it was rushed, so no thoughts there other than something along those lines at least.)

In regards to a relationship.

While Hokuto doesn’t like bullies, he does like drama. 'oh what would the neighborhood say if they found out the 'nice’ popular girl was dating a delinquent. how scandalous!’ The idea of it thrilled him. But he wasn’t the type of guy to force or trick her into a relationship. At this point, he doesn’t even know who 'her’ is. It’s just an idea. A what if. But one day he finds himself alone with one of them. So he hangs around. Just to see what happens. Maybe she’d just ignore him. Maybe she’ll break character and tell him to fuck himself.

Kashiko’s having a day. She found Hoshiko’s post about her and Gema. Hoshiko’s the worst! She didn’t even like the guy! She thinks. Love was always complicated. She snuck to the back of the school for a smoke. Great, one of those delinquents where there. Whatever. Long as he wasn’t bothering her, she’d just pretend he wasn’t there. A delinquent wouldn’t tattle on her for smoking. Beside she hates being alone.

Hokuto watches her from the corner of his eyes. He’s only half surprised to find out she smokes. She seemed to be struggling to find her lighter though. He waits a moment before offering her his.

Kashiko is startled by the lighter offering but takes it silently. For a while they just spend multiple days, on and off, in silence, occasionally needing a light for her cigarette. One day Kashiko starts to open up. She doesn’t expect him to understand or even listen, but she needed to talk. At first he doesn’t respond, he just listens.

After a few weeks, as Kashiko’s venting, she reaches for Hokuto’s hand without realizing, looking for a more intimate form of comfort. She’s startled when she feels the touch and pulls away. She apologizes, a little afraid of what his reaction might be.

Hokuto looks at her for a moment, surprised that she actually started to initiate something, even if it wasn’t intentional. He had been content in just listening. She was interesting to him, and maybe if she could let her feelings out, maybe she’s stop being that kind of person. He doesn’t show much emotion on his face, but tells her it’s okay.

Kashiko relaxes and puts her hand back down. This time, Hokuto reached her hand. She tenses a little and looks up at him. He’s looking at her with a small smile. Kashiko starts to cry and thanks him.

About a week later, Kashiko starts venting about how her 'friends’ are 'too busy’ to celebrate her birthday, even Kokoro who she thought was genuinely nice unlike the rest. Hokuto suggests they celebrate together. Kashiko thinks he’s joking, but when she realizes he’s not she asks why. He explains he was free that day, and no one should be alone on their birthdays anyways.

Hokuto shows up at her place, and even got her a gift. A sliver ring with an expensive purple gem in it. Kashiko’s in awe because it was expensive even for rich families. Kashiko’s asks 'aren’t your parents going to kill you’. Hokuto who hates his family just shrugs. 'Purple suits you.’

They spend all day together, getting to know each other. They find out they actually have a lot of the same interests. Her mother was at work all day, but had gotten her a cake, which they shared. It was late when Hokuto decided he should probably go. Kashiko fiddles with the ring he gave her, now on her finger, and thanks him and gives him a kiss on the check.

Hokuto stood there taken aback as a smiling kashiko said goodbye and closed the door. He felt his face. It was hot. Did he actually like her. Like like her? He heads home feeling confused.

When together at school the two of them start talking more evenly. No more of just Kashiko venting, but now they both started talking about their interests and dreams for the future. Teasing Kashiko a little he asks her what type of boy she likes. She huffed and deflected.

Though they were getting along great in private, they were still pretending to hate each other in public. They’d call each other names in front of their friends, then tease each other in private about said names ’That’s what you came up with?’

They’re friend groups weren’t always together 24/7 even before the two started hanging out, so neither’s group really suspected much when they weren’t hanging out with them. Both sides however did think it was strange that it seemed more more like they were starting to sound like they were flirting with each other rather than being genuinely mean. Both sides questioned them about it, and both denied being anywhere close to friendly with the other. Most completely dropped it. Except Hoshiko who was always looking for some juicy gossip too spread on her blog.

Hoshiko started spreading rumors about the two of them. Kashiko was furious. She bitched Hoshiko out and ran off to where she and Hokuto usually meet up. Hokuto find her there sobbing. She explains what happen. When she finishes, he looks at her tear stained face for a moment, then gently touches his fingers to her chin and tilts her head up. 'they don’t have to just be rumors’ and he kisses her softly.

After they part, he continues 'what do you think?’ Kashiko stares at him trying to process, but instead of answering, she kisses him back, and holding onto him.

They part again and Kashiko apologizes, face red. Hokuto asks. 'was that a yes then?’ Kashiko hesitates, then says 'it’s a maybe’. Hokuto’s amused. 'If that’s a maybe, what’s a yes?’ Kashiko hesitates again. 'If you come over later, we can talk about it.’ Hokuto agrees to met her later.

He shows up, not sure what to expect. Did she legitimately just want to discuss the possibility in private and a guarantee no one with find out? Or did 'yes’ mean going all the way immediately for her? Maybe both?

He knocks. No answer. Again. No answer. Did she forget she asked him to come? He tried to the door. It was unlocked. He called out to her. Nothing. He walks in and looks around, still calling for her. Finally he finds her in the kitchen, curled up, back against a wall, crying.

'Kashiko?’

He finally got her attention. 'oh’ she wipes her eyes and stands 'you’re here.’

'yeah, you invited me over then didn’t answer. I was actually starting to get worried something happened to you.’

'oh….sorry’

'and you’re crying. did something else happen?’

'no..no, it’s just.’ Sigh. 'did you really mean it? You really want to be with me? As a couple?’

'well, yeah.’

'why though?’

'why? why not? you’re cute. funny. we share a lot of the same interests. You’re actually kinda nice when you aren’t hanging around your 'friends’. and we’ve been spending all that time together anyways.’

Kashiko blushed. 'cute? ….Well, I do feel the same way, but…’

'but?’

'if we do this, I have to confess something first…’

'okay…?’

'you know how I’ve been faking a lot of things in front of other people. my personality, my hair etc….’

'yeah?’

'one thing isn’t actually fake’

'you’ve lost me.’

Kashiko took a deep breath. 'I don’t actually tan my skin. That’s natural.’ She braced herself for his response. but all he said was.

'that’s it? Okay.’

'what do you mean 'okay’?’

'I mean, 'okay’. Why’d you think I’d care if your skins actually dark?’

'Because everyone else does!’

The sudden volume and emotion in her voice threw him.

'Everyday since I was born I’m been abused and berated just because I’m just a little darker than everyone else. I don’t even look like my own mother! I obviously got this from my father, but she refuses to say a word about him. Pretends he doesn’t exists. Sometimes I think she tries to pretend I don’t exist either.’ She wiped way new falling tears. 'You know…despite a lot of people thinking I’m just a slutty bimbo, I’m still treated with more respect now than I was when people knew I was actually dark skinned.’

'Kashiko…Damn…I…I’m sorry. I’ve never cared about that kind of stuff. People were just people to me. What mattered was people’s actions, not stuff they had no control over….I’ve had my share of problems, but that’s not something I’ve ever had to deal with, so I forgot there where people who did care about that stuff.’

Kashiko doesn’t say anything, tears still falling.

Hokuto continued. 'So, I don’t know much about dealing with that, but what I do know is; those people are assholes, and you’re still cute.’

Kashiko still took a moment to respond, fiddling with her ring again. 'You…really mean that?’

'Yup. I also know that, if you say yes, then I’m your boyfriend. And if I’m you’re boyfriend, then it’s my job to hurt anyone that said anything bad about you from now one. And I’ve been working out, so it’ll really hurt.’

Kashiko let out a giggle and Hokuto smiled. 'You’d really do all that for me? And just because I’m me.’

Hokuto smirks, teasing her a little. 'i don’t know, you have to say yes first.’

Kashiko rolls her eyes and smirks back. 'you already know my answer.’ She walks up to him and puts her arms around. 'it’s a yes.’ and kisses him.

They get on the kitchen counter and start making out, but due to I being late and Kashiko exhausting herself from her tears, they both pass out before either could even think about going any further.

They’re woken up in the morning by her mother, accusing them of having sex on the counter. They deny the claim but she doesn’t believe them and forces Hokuto to leave.

An exasperated Kashiko argues with her mother then follows Hokuto outside to find him outside, still putting his shoes back on. Kashiko apologizes and they say good bye.

They date in secret, and figure the best way to deal with Hoshiko was to just act like was crazy instead of getting angry. She eventually drops it, no longer getting enjoyment out of it.

Things are going fine until a little bit after Kashiko graduates. She had already stated to shed for ganguro stuff minus the stuff she actually liked. Meanwhile, Hokuto starts to feel weird about everything. Seeing her act like her real self in front of others made her feel faker than ever, and that frustrated him. Would he never be able to not associate her with her click and the bad things they’ve done? He was afraid he wouldn’t, especially after what happened to him his first year. Even though she and her friends weren’t one of the culprits, he nearly took his life because of people like her.

He decided that, he couldn’t shake this feeling before he graduated himself next year, they’d break it off.

And break up they did.

It was hard on him. He genuinely loved her. He didn’t want to make her sad. But even after all this time, he couldn’t shake it. He thought this be fun. A little drama, that’s all. No one would get hurt. He figured she’s get tired of him soon or not even consider it in the first place. Just a fling or less. He didn’t think he’d actually fall in love with someone who was more or less his enemy.

She didn’t take it well. She’d finally started to accept herself. They had shared their first everything together. And now they were nothing.

And what’s worse, he didn’t even say it to her face. A week after Hokuto’s graduation, he sent her a letter telling her goodbye.

Distraught, she calls up Kokoro, who she was still in contact with, and asks her to come over.

Kokoro’s shocked. 'You were actually dating him? I thought Hoshiko was just being mean!’

Kashiko sighs. “both.’

'Why though?’

'Well, he’s cute isn’t he?’

'well, yeah, I guess, but that’s it? He’s a delinquent.’

'that’s one of the reasons. you know how bad boys are. and…he listened to me…and made me feel pretty…like, really pretty, for the first time….he was also the only one he paid attention to me on my birthday,’ Kashiko added with a side glare.

'I said I was sorry! I really really couldn’t go! I had a family thing, they would had killed me if I skipped out!’

Kashiko signed. 'I know…’ she fiddles with her ring. Kokoro notices.

'He gave you that, didn’t he?’

'yeah. surprised his parents didn’t kill him’

’…Is it real?’

'Kokoro! I’m already having a bad day! I don’t need to question the authenticity of my jewelry!’

'Sorry, sorry, you’re right! my bad’

Nearly a year has past and Kashiko still thinks about him, but is trying to move on. She’s unrolled to a college and is about to start soon. She moves into the dorm and decides to look around town after she finished unpacking.

She finds herself in a large area with a few people around, but far from crowded. As she looked around, she noticed a few guys not to far away, and one looked oddly familiar. It couldn’t be him right? She didn’t accidentally apply to the exact same college as her ex did she?

If she called his name, that man wouldn’t look her way, right? "Hok-’ The name caught in her throat as she got a shock. The man she thought must had been Hokuto kissed the guy he was with before parting.

'o-oh.’ Well, that’s embarrassing. He couldn’t be Hokuto if the man she was looking at was gay, right? Unless….

The man came closer in her direction, smiling until her noticed her. He looked surprised to see her.

Kashiko started to panic. Those were his scars on his cheek. Her assumption had to be right.

'Kashiko?’ he question, not sure if he was seeing her.

Shit. She turned and ran.

'Wait! Kashiko!’ He caught up to her quickly and grabbed her by the wrist. 'Please. I don’t know why you’re here but, since you are…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t had ended things like that. It wasn’t right. I was scared, and I couldn’t see you cry. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I am sorry.’

She stared as he apologized. 'oh…no, I understand now…You realized you were gay and didn’t know how to tell me. It’s fine, I’m fine.’ She felt like she was going to faint.

'I…Wh…Huh?’

'You don’t have to hide it. I saw you kissing your boyfriend before you came this way’

'My boy…boyfriend? Oh! No no, I understand the confusion, but that’s not my boyfriend.’

'Hokuto, I just saw you kiss a dude. You’re gay, it’s okay’

'Kashiko, I’m serious. I’m not dating that guy. I’m a little close with my friends here, yes, but there’s nothing serious going on. And no, I’m not straight, but I’m not gay either. I’m bisexual.’

She looked at him confused. 'You’re….attracted to bikes?’

'omg’ Hokuto buried his face in his hands. He then took a deep breath and continued. 'Bisexual. It’s when someone is attached to multiple genders. So, yes, I do like guys. But I still like girls. And I still like you.’

That only confused her more. 'then why did you break up with me? Didn’t I mean anything to you?’ she started to cry.

'You do mean something to me. And that was the problem. It wasn’t suppose to go like this.’

'What do you mean?’

He sighed. 'Look. I thought that we doomed to fail. Either you’d lose interest and break up with me yourself after a month or so, or you just wouldn’t be interested in the first place. I was a delinquent and you were one of the popular girls. Relationships like that only work out in fiction. And…you and those friends of yours…who bully people relentlessly. The same kind of people who drove me to almost kill myself…No matter how much I got to know you, or know why you did those things, that thought wouldn’t leave the back of my mind. And once you graduated, there wasn’t the 'oh will people find out about us for real’ to distract me from it anymore.’

'But I never told anyone to kill themselves! Hoshiko was the only one who’d go that far! You don’t know how many times we’ve told her to chill.’

Hokuto shook his head. 'You never know what the final straw is Kashiko. It can be the smallest thing. Besides, you know what it feels like, don’t you?’ He brushed his fingers against her cheek softly.

'I….’ She hung her head in shame and cried. He was right. She had no excuses.

Hokuto pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back. 'I don’t believe you ever intended to be a bad person. And I know you’ve been hurt so much. But you have to realize how much you’ve hurt people as well.’

'I’m, I’m sorry!’ she sobbed into him. 'I-I can change!’

'You have a lot already.’ He kisses the top of her head. 'I’d like it if we could still be friends’.

Kashiko sniffed and pulled away. 'Friends?’ He nods. ’…Can I still get kisses?’

He laughs. 'We’ll see about that.’

'You sure you’re not dating that guy?’

'Kashiko.’

'hey, if you 'smooch your friends’ but I don’t get smooches, you’re definitely dating’

'nope’

'so are’

'if you say so’

and now they’re friends and may or may not end up back together

If they wind up having a kid

They’d have a daughter.

When Kashiko finds out she’s pregnant she’s hesitant to tell Hokuto. What if he ditched her like her father did her mother? When she finally tells him, he’s relieved because they way she was acting made it seems like something legitimately bad happened. Hokuto tells her, he doesn’t know about marriage, but he can promise to be there for her and their kid, and gives her one of his rings to seal the promise.

Kashiko, though she’s accepted herself, she’s afraid of her daughter going through what she did. Hokuto tells their daughter if anyone picks on her for any reason, not just her skin color, tell them they have to deal with him.

[jenonctcity]

Art Of Innocence

The Virgin Series – Huang Renjun

Part of ‘The Virgin Diaries’ Series

Virgin!Au, University!Au, Bestfriend-Lovers!Au

Genre: Fluff, Smut, Angst.

Warnings: Explicit Sex, Very brief mentions of drug and alcohol, Loss of virginity. 

Word Count: 11.8k

Summary: Art and gaming. That’s all Renjun found himself doing. Of course he spent time with his friends, but he had to be dragged away from his games console or easel first. Renjun had been brought up around art, his mother being an artist and his father being a drama teacher. So it wasn’t a shock to anyone when he decided to study art at university. His quiet, shy, nerdy nature meant that he didn’t get much attention when walking around campus, which is just how he liked it. You however, had found him on your first day of university and had stuck to him like glue. He pretended as if you didn’t mean that much to him, but you and him both knew he would be lost without you. Only, you didn’t know he was a virgin. So after you found out about the pact from one of the other boys, you couldn’t wait to intercept his gaming session and quiz him on his innocence. You couldn’t help it, but you suddenly saw him in a different light, one that had your fingers tingling and stomach flipping. The same way Renjun had felt looking at you since the first day he’d met you.

---

Meeting Renjun had been noteworthy. It isn’t every day that you find yourself a best friend upon your first meeting with someone, but with Renjun it had come very naturally. It had started when you’d tripped over the tiniest stick in existence, which you still have no idea how you did that, and had fallen straight into Renjun. It was very cliché, which is the exact reason you picked him to be your new best friend. He had been more than surprised when a beautiful girl he’d never met before flew into his arms and had face planted straight into his chest. After he’d gotten over his initial shock and had straightened you up onto your feet, he’d accepted the bumble of apologies that came flying out of your mouth and was ready to move on with his life. What he didn’t expect was for you to notice the Moomin keyring on his backpack and to spark up a conversation about it that seemed like it went on forever, with you repeating yourself and him just listening. Before he knew it, the two of you had walked around campus twice and he’d found out that your name is (Y/N) and you have a tendency to ramble on about random crap. But he liked to listen to your random crap, and he could see the beautiful friendship blossoming before his eyes.

So you and Renjun soon became close. You learnt his class schedule and forced him to learn yours, so that it was easier for the two of you to spend time together. At first, you had a feeling Renjun wasn’t overly keen on being your friend, but after a little while you just realised he had an attitude where he pretended he didn’t care about anything, since he would start waiting outside of your classroom for you to finish when you hadn’t even made plans with him. With Renjun, came his best friends. Jaemin, Jeno, and Donghyuck. You got on really well with them, but you only saw them when you went over to their shared apartment to see Renjun, or if they invited you to go to the classic American style diner down the road from their apartment. You also learnt a lot about his past. He was born in China but after his father got a job in Korea, they moved over when Renjun was eleven and they’d been there ever since. When you’d heard that his mother was a freelance artist and his father was a drama teacher, it made sense to you. Renjun was studying art and had a natural talent you can only assume was passed onto him from his parents.

You couldn’t even count the amount of times on both of your hands that Renjun had drawn you little pictures of random things. He was very generous with his art and even though you’d never asked him or expected him to draw or paint you anything, he loved to surprise you with a small painting of flowers or a sketch he’d done of you based purely off of his memory of your details and features. His art was hugely impressive, his people skills on the other hand, not so much. He was quiet, and he kept to himself, only spending time with you, or the boys. The more you got to know Renjun, the more you were surprised that he even let you cling to him like you did, but you never once thought that it could be because he formed a crush on you. From the moment that Renjun had laid eyes on you when you bumped into him, he had felt his heart jump on a rocket ship and take flight. He was so smitten for you, but he didn’t want you to notice, so he hid it well and preferred to show his affection towards you in subtle ways, like paying for your lunch, walking you back to your dorm, or drawing you a silly picture of a worm. Even after a year and a half of Renjun feeling that way, you however, had never really thought of Renjun in any other way other than platonic. Of course you thought he was beautiful; he was one of the most beautiful males you’d ever laid eyes on. He had deep brown eyes that sparkled in the sunlight, a cute little nose and a smile that made you want to pinch his cheeks and coo at him. Which the one time you did, his cheeks went so red that he whined for about half an hour that he was embarrassed.

You were more than happy that the apartment the boys lived in wasn’t too far from campus, it was only a ten minute walk if you picked up the pace and you could stop off at the convenience store on the way to buy snacks. Also it meant that you didn’t have to be in the cold January air for long, which was a bonus. With your backpack now heavier from the soda and snacks you bought, you knocked on their apartment door and waited patiently, rocking backwards and forwards on your feet. The door swung open and a smiley Donghyuck appeared behind the door.

“Hey (Y/N).” He opened the door wide enough for you to step in. You smiled back and quickly took your shoes off in the entrance.

“Hey Hyuck.” You neatly arranged your shoes by the door and pulled off your backpack and winter coat, hanging it up on the coat rack before shuffling through to the living room. As per usual, Renjun was nowhere in sight, but Jeno and Jaemin were sat on the sofas with their laptops on their laps with the tv showing old episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants. They both glanced up when you entered and smiled, Jaemin looking overly smug as he looked at you.

“Well hello (Y/N).” The Jaemin spoke had your eyebrows raising in question at his tone. It sounded like he knew something you didn’t and knowing Jaemin, it sent a shiver down your spine.

“Hello Jaemin…is Renjun in his room?”

“Yep.” You quickly rushed to Renjun’s bedroom, not bothering to knock on the door because you knew he wouldn’t hear you knock anyway. Upon entering you saw Renjun in his typical position. Sat in his gaming chair at his desk, playing some random game on his desktop with his gigantic headphones covering half of his head. “Hey Renjun!” You chirped, throwing yourself on his bed. He completely ignored you, too invested in his game to even notice that you’d entered his room. His eyes were glued to the screen and his mouth was popped open in his concentration. “Renjun…Renjun!” You raised your voice until eventually he turned his head, giving you a nod and a brief greeting as he moved his attention back to his game. “Seriously?” You sighed and rolled your eyes. “I’ll be in the living room.” You grumbled and walked out of his room, leaving the door open and making your way back to the living room.

“Hey, guess what.” Jaemin turned his attention to you as you entered the room again and sat yourself down in between him and Jeno.

“What?” You laid your head back against the sofa and tilted it towards Jaemin, getting relaxed and preparing yourself for the dumb thing he was probably about to say.

“So you know how Renjun is a virgin-”

“WHAT?!” You shot up, sitting bolt upright with a look that was a mix of shock and amusement on your face. Jaemin and Jeno both flinched at your loud voice, looking shocked themselves. Donghyuck let out a snigger across the room where he was sitting on his phone. “I mean I had a feeling he was a virgin, but he never told me! He always avoided the topic of girls whenever I brought it up.”

“Oh…anyway now you know,” Jaemin scratched the back of his head awkwardly, as if he’d just let out a big secret that he shouldn’t have. “So we have this little pact going, and since you’re a female and super close to Renjun, I thought you could help him out.” He grinned widely at you, closing his laptop and shifting all of his attention to you.

“I don’t like where this is going…” You narrowed your eyes in suspicion at him, having heard stories about Jaemin’s little schemes that didn’t end up going well and have caused plenty of stories you’re sure that the boys will be telling their grandchildren one day.

“It isn’t bad, don’t worry.” Jeno leaned over and mumbled to you. You let out a small sigh of relief but still held a little bit of suspense inside of you as you watch Jaemin.

“The pact is, we all have to lose our virginities before the end of the year-”

“You’re all virgins?” You titled your head in curiosity, actually quite shocked hearing that these four handsome boys were all virgins still. It was a big surprise to you that Donghyuck was a virgin, as you knew him to have the party boy reputation, and a party where everyone is making decisions under the influence of alcohol and other non-legal substances is an easy opportunity to lose your virginity.

“Yeah, anyway,” Jaemin shook his hand to try and grab your attention back to him as you looked around at the nodding boys. “Like I said, we have to lose our virginities before the end of 2020. You know Renjun really well and we all know how much of an introverted nerd he is-”

“That’s a bit harsh.” You interrupted Jaemin yet again, causing him to narrow his eyes at you. You sunk your head into your neck slightly and giggled. “Sorry, carry on.”

“Anyway,” He out a lot of emphasis on the word, giving you a wide-eyed look that almost dared you to interrupt him one more time. “He’s going to need a bit of help. He’s the only one we’re worried about finding someone to do the dirty with. So this is where you come in!” He patted your thigh and gave you a big, closed mouth grin. “You need to help him get his dick wet.” You felt a bit sad for Renjun. It made you sad that his best friends didn’t have confidence in his ability to get some, because you knew that if Renjun really put his mind to something, he could easily pull it off. Just because Renjun hadn’t had sex yet, doesn’t mean he’s incapable of it. And no, you’d never seen him flirt with anyone, or even lay eyes on another female, or…even show interest in another female…but that doesn’t mean he will struggle to fuck someone.

“He won’t need my help! The school year started two days ago and we’re less than a month into the new year, he has loads of time, there’s no rush.” You shrugged, sticking up for him as he wasn’t there to defend his own honour.

“Yeah we’re just saying that he might need a little…push in the right direction!” Jaemin was clearly only trying to help, so you didn’t get mad at him. Instead you rolled your eyes and patted Jaemin’s thigh.

“Let me handle it.” You pushed yourself up from the sofa and went back to Renjun’s room, rolling your eyes once more when you saw him sat in the exact same position as he was when you’d left the room. Instead of letting him ignore you though, you shut the door behind you, and marched up behind him. “Oi.” You lifted his headphones off of his head despite the little whine he let out. “I heard a little rumour about you Renjunnie.” You whispered in his ear, causing him to visibly shudder. He furrowed his eyebrows and turned off his game, spinning his chair around to face you as you perched on the end of his bed.

“A rumour? About what?” He tilted his head like a curious puppy, his knee bouncing which you had noticed he did as a little habit. One of the things you found endearing about Renjun was that he had a lot of little nervous habits. One of them was he fidgeted a lot, especially when the room was quiet but there was a lot of people surrounding him. Another one of his little habits was biting his nails, which you had reprimanded him for plenty of times, often by smacking his hand away from his face and giving him a glare.

“I heard from someone that you did some dirty dirty things at the new years party.” You winked at him, wondering if he would fall for your little story. You didn’t think it would be fun just to straight up tell him you knew about the pact and his very much still intact innocence, so instead you did what any best friend would do and wind him about it.

“Who said that?!” He frowned quickly, confusion settling over his features. He was wearing an oversized hoodie with matching sweatpants, and he looked far too cute and cosy to have a frown on his face. He slouched further into his seat and spread his legs out further, his habit of manspreading to the max still just as bad as it always was.

“A little birdie told me.” You smirked, putting your elbow on your thigh and leaning your head against your hand. You were trying really hard not to laugh, but Renjun hadn’t noticed that you were just teasing him yet. “Did you fuck someone again?” You titled your head, feigning innocence as his eyes squinted and he looked even more confused than before.

“Again? What on earth are you bumbling on about?” His cheeks were starting to pink up and that’s when you knew you had him where you wanted him.

“Well you’ve fucked someone before, haven’t you? So that would mean if you did it at the party then it would have been again! You following me?” You finished talking with a little giggle, biting your bottom lip to stop yourself from bursting out into full laughter.

“I-I…no I haven’t fucked anyone before. Whoever told you that was lying a-…no one told you a rumour, did they?” He raised an eyebrow as he caught onto your lie. He really did know you too well and he could see that you were holding in laughter. “You just wanted me to admit that I’m a virgin!” He stood up quickly and you gasped, knowing exactly what he was about to do. You quickly pushed yourself up the bed to try and escape from him.

“No Renjun I’m sorry no don’t tickle meeeee!” It was too late though, before you’d even finished your sentence, he had cornered you against the headboard of his single bed and had his hands digging into your sides.

“This is what you deserve!” He laughed, not bothered at all about being a virgin, so it didn’t bother him that you tried to amuse yourself with it. If it made you smile, Renjun would do take all the embarrassment in the world.

“Stooooooop!” You squealed, trying your hardest to push him away from you. He laughed with you, eventually relenting and removing his hands from you. He slapped your knee and sat beside you.

“That’s what you get for virgin shaming me.” He sniggered, bumping his shoulder into yours and crossing his arms in his lap. You didn’t notice the way he looked at you with a slight longing in his dark eyes. He yearned for your company; he was just too shy to tell you that all he wanted was for you to be cuddled up in his arms in times like this. He was too afraid to be rejected by you, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep the friendship alive; his awkwardness would play too much of a part and he wouldn’t be able to act like he normally did around you.

“I think it’s cute that you’re an innocent little bean!” You wrapped your arms around his shoulders from beside him and smiled up at him. “I bet you’ll be right kinky little fucker.” You sniggered, noticing how his cheeks went a dark red as he blushed. But he laughed with you despite his mouth popping open in shock. “Spank me daddy.” He gave you a gentle shove and flopped back on his bed, trying desperately to direct his thoughts in another direction at your vulgar saying. He didn’t have a daddy kink, well not that he knew of, but hearing you say something to erotic made his stomach spark up a fire he couldn’t control. He squeezed his eyes shut, taking a deep breath and letting out a sigh.

“Gross.” Was all he mumbled, throwing his arms over his face to hide his embarrassment. You looked down at Renjun and felt a strange feeling you’d never felt when you’d looked at him before. Of course you found him attractive, but you’d never found yourself attracted to him before. So why were you suddenly having thoughts about what he would look like with shirt off as you looked down at the soft, embarrassed boy. Luckily, he had his eyes shut and his arms over his face, so he couldn’t see your eyes trailing up and down his body.

“So, Jaemin told me about the pact you have with them. Who are you planning on seducing?” He gently removed his arms and popped open an eye to look at you, not missing the way you wiggled your eyebrows at him suggestively.

“I haven’t even thought about it yet.” He shrugged, slowly pushing himself to sit up. You glanced around his room, your eyes trailing over the PlayStation and Xbox connected to his desktop monitor that you’d seen hundreds of times, before moving to the easel in the corner of his room that had an unfinished painting of what you assumed was supposed to be abstract art, as you couldn’t make out what the hell he was painting. His room was super cramped from how much he’d crammed into the small space, but it was cosy, and you’d fallen asleep squished up against him on his single bed plenty of times when he was gaming and you were bored. You loved being in his room.

“Leave it with me big boy.” You winked, patting his thigh, and ignoring the strange feeling you got in your stomach and the small amount of contact.

 ---

“Okay, so I know you’ve probably been anticipating this all week, but I have finally finished my list of ways that you can dip your dick into some vagina okay?” Your uncouth way of speaking had Renjun cringing and lowering his head slightly as he sat opposite you in the Chinese restaurant. Even though you said it quietly, he still went bright red at the thought of someone around hearing you and he nearly choked on his chicken. It was also the way that you had brought it up at the first moment of silence between you two since you’d sat down in the restaurant. You’d previously been talking about how you thought apple music was far superior to spotify, and then after the conversation on that topic was over, you’d swooped straight in with the kill.

“I know you won’t shut up until you tell me, so go for it.” He didn’t voice it, but he hoped that you would be subtle with whatever you had concocted in your own time. You put down your chopsticks to grab your phone out of your bag, quickly opening up your notes and clearing your throat.

“Option number one, go to a party with Donghyuck and find a lovely sober lady to take home.” You had a small nagging feeling in your stomach that was telling you he hoped you said no to all of the things on your list, and you couldn’t tell why you felt that way. He wrinkled up his nose and shook his head quickly.

“I don’t do parties; New Year’s Eve was a one off because it was the turn of the year and Jeno told me if I didn’t go then he’d throw all of my boxers off of the roof.” He said that with a serious look on his face, while you let out a quick laugh at the thought of Jeno doing that to his boxers.

“Okay…that doesn’t sound like something Jen would do though?” You titled your head in curiosity. Jaemin? Of course he would threaten to do that. Donghyuck? Also highly likely. Jeno? Nope. That doesn’t sound like something mellow, go with the flow, and responsible Jeno would do.

“He was already drunk off of wine.” Renjun shrugged, taking a sip of his water, and helping himself to the noodles between you both that you were sharing.

“Oh, wine drunk, okay that makes sense.” You nodded in understanding of Jeno’s actions now, placing your phone on the table so that you could go back to eating. You shoved some rice into your mouth and then read out the next option.

“Option number two, I can set you up with that gamer girl in my class. She’s a bit…out there! But that can be a good thing you know; she’ll probably tie you up and ride you over the rainbow.” You smiled at him as if the more you smiled at him, the more likely it would be for him to say yes. Sometimes you couldn’t help the words that tumbled out off your mouth, and after you heard them in your head after they’d been verbally spoken, you cringed. This was one of those moments. Especially when Renjun paused his chewing and gave you a look that was a mix of confusion and being grossed out. “I’ll take that as a no.” You cleared your throat and deleted option number one and two from your phone.

“How many options are there?” He moved his attention back to his food, leaning forward slightly as he shovelled more food into his mouth in an attempt to avoid commenting on your options.

“Four.”

“It took you an entire week and you only came up with four?!” His eyes flicked back to you in surprise.

“I forgot until this morning all right.” You mumbled and rolled your eyes at your own forgetfulness. “Moving on. Number three, you sign up to tinder.” The thought of Renjun signing up to tinder made you want to laugh but puke at the same time. Laugh because the poor boy had no idea how to flirt, and you could see him as the cringey boy who sent a strange pick up line or commented on something in one of the girl’s pictures. Puke because you didn’t want him to go on a date with some random girl you probably didn’t know. Again, confusion swirled around your head, because you’d never felt like that before, mainly because you’d never had any thoughts of Renjun dating since it wasn’t anything he’d ever done since you’d been his friend. Knocking that thought out of your head you cleared watched his face as he turned his nose up to option number three.

“Nope.” Shaking his head and drinking his water again, he wasn’t prepared for your fourth option.

“Fine! Final option, you make a decent amount from selling your work online, right? Hire a hooker!” He choked on his water at how nonchalantly you spoke those words, coughing and trying to catch his breath without causing other people to look over at you both. “Woah you okay buddy?” You giggled nervously and widened your eyes slightly. “Have a sip of water!” You pushed your own cup towards him and watched as his face went completely red.

“You’re insane.” He grunts out with a groggy sounding throat when his coughing fit had finished, quickly sipping at the water from your cup. “I’m not doing that.”

“Well then have fun finding someone to lose your purity too Mr I’m too good for (Y/N)’s ideas.” You folded your arms over your chest and shrugged, faking offense that he didn’t like any of your ideas. “Don’t say I didn’t try to help.”

“Your ideas sucked.” His words came out in a blunt way, which is what you should have expected since Renjun had never been shy about telling you things the way he saw them.

“Whatever, the only other option I can think of is to just fuck me and get it over with.” You pouted, sulking that he didn’t like your admittedly awful ideas. You did it again, you opened your mouth without thinking and even you were shocked at your own suggestion. Your eyes slowly widened as you thought it through in your head. You didn’t know if you even wanted to go there with Renjun, sleeping with someone is a big step for anyone, especially when they’re your best friend, but there was a small burst of butterflies setting off in your stomach at the thought of it. Renjun looked as if his brain was short circuiting, and his mouth opened and closed as he tried to form the right words to reply to you with. A strange awkward cloud settled over the table, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to take the offer back.

“No, I couldn’t.” He shook his head, gulping as he put the water back on the table, letting his eyes wonder everywhere but at you, causing him to miss the way you visibly deflated at his rejection. He didn’t want to just fuck you, no matter how much he longed to have you writhing underneath him, naked and basking in the glory of his affection. He wanted to hold your hand, give you soft, tender kisses that proved how much you had his heart. He wanted to make love to you and wake up the next morning with the certainty that you were his, and the only person who felt your love was him. So no, he couldn’t just fuck you and get it over with. You looked down at your plate, awkwardly pursing your lips as you wallowed in self pity at Renjun’s rejection. Did he not find you attractive? Did he not like you enough to do that? Did he simply not want to ruin your friendship? You didn’t know, and you were too busy feeling sorry for yourself that you didn’t bother asking.

“Okay cool.” You shrugged, sitting opposite him with a sad look on your face for the rest of the meal, even though it didn’t last long as Renjun hurried to pay the bill, despite your whining that you were going to pay. You both left and instead of going back to Renjun’s apartment like you had originally planned, you told him you were tired and promptly walked in the opposite direction to go back to your dorm on campus.

Renjun groaned as he watched you walk away, feeling bad about the way he had just shot you down without even offering you an explanation for why he didn’t want to have sex with you. But he didn’t have it in him just yet to tell you how he really felt for you, too scared that it would either scare you off, or cause you to feel awkward because you didn’t feel the same way as him. Either way, he knew he was screwed.

---

After a week of punishing Renjun for hurting your feelings, you finally decided it was time to relieve him of your absence. You weren’t so harsh as to completely ignore him, but your texts had been vague, and you had simply told him that you were busy whenever he asked you to hang out. You had a feeling that he knew you were upset, because he didn’t wait outside of your class on a Wednesday afternoon like he did every week, and you knew Renjun well enough to know it was because he was giving you your space. He knew you’d go to him when you were ready. Which is the exact reason you were stood in his doorway, staring at his side profile because as per usual, he hadn’t noticed your arrival, too engrossed in playing call of duty on his Xbox with his headset on. Jeno had let you into the apartment with a kind smile, telling you that Renjun had been whining about missing you all week. You were thankful that Jeno went behind Renjun’s back to tell you that, because it was just more confirmation for you that he did in fact like you and wasn’t just using you as someone to hang out with. You did feel silly for feeling that way, but in the moment of being hurt, you couldn’t help but let your mind drift over to the negative side of thoughts.

You approached him without warning, not noticing as his eyes flicked up to look at you in completely surprise at your sudden appearance. He quickly remembered that he was in the middle of a war and went back to looking at his screen, trying not to make it obvious that his heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he was sure it was visible. You swung one of your legs over his, putting your hands on his shoulders and struggling to sit yourself down. He let go of his controller with one hand and helped you onto his lap, his breath held from how close you were as you snuggled your head into his neck, wrapping your arms around his body and his gaming chair. He wrapped his arms around you, holding his controller behind your back and playing the game over your shoulder. This was the first time that you had wiggled your way into his hold when he was playing his games on his gaming chair, so he was beyond surprised, but elated at how warm you felt cuddled up to him. He held you tightly whilst shooting at random people’s characters on the game, completely silent instead of swearing when his own character was shot.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” He mumbled, trying to pretend like it hadn’t affected him. But your absence had his heart yearning for you even more. You just hummed in confirmation at his statement, your hot breath against his neck almost making him sweat from how nervous he was getting at having you where he wanted you. Ever since you’d stumbled into his life, he had wanted to hold you like this whilst he played his video games, loving how it gave you attention and kept you close, whilst he still got to play his games. As you clung onto Renjun, you came to a realisation that you could happily get used to this. It felt strange. You’d never had feelings like this towards him, but as he held you in his arms you came to realise that you were starting to get feelings for him. You knew that it was dangerous. Everyone always says to never fall in love with your best friend, but sometimes you don’t even realise that you’re falling down that slippery slope until you’re already in the deep end.

You heard Renjun put his controller down on the desk behind you before removing his headset, your heart starting to pound as he placed both of his hands underneath your thighs. You gripped onto him tighter as he stood up from his chair with you in his hold. You buried your face into his neck more, smiling to yourself because you assumed he was going to put you on the bed so that you could talk about things. You desperately wanted to ask him why he said he couldn’t fuck you, but at the same time you were scared that you’d hear something you didn’t want to hear, something that would put out the fire of feelings inside your stomach like a bucket of ice cold water. Maybe if things went right you could tell him that you were starting to develop feelings for him, so that the two of you could get control of this situation quickly before anyone got hurt. You also knew that if you stayed quiet about your growing feelings for Renjun and he went and fucked someone else, then you’d be gutted.

Renjun placed you on the edge of his bed and then let go of your thighs, he tried to pull away, but you had a tight grip on him. He moved his hands up and pried your arms away from around his shoulders. He smiled at you softly, reaching out a hand and ruffling your hair before sitting himself back down in his gaming chair. He put his headset back on and picked his controller back up, taking a deep breath to try and steady his heart from how quick it had been pounding when he was touching you. He gulped, fidgeting around in his chair and turning it away from you slightly so that you couldn’t see him as well.

You narrowed your eyes at him, gulping down the pang of hurt you felt at him removing you from his lap and just dumping you on his bed. Not only that, he then went back to playing his game and ignoring you. No boy that liked you in the way you liked them would do that, you thought, quickly standing up and marching out of his bedroom with a scowl on your face. You didn’t even bother to say goodbye to Jeno as you rushed past him, not wanting him to see the tears that were flooding your vision. You weren’t hurt at the realisation that he might not like you in anyway other than platonic, you were hurt that he just brushed you aside and acted as if his games meant more to him than his best friend.

As soon as you got home you muted all his contact on all of your social medias so that you wouldn’t see if he messaged you or not, and then you laid on your bed and sulked, wishing you had an Xbox so you could go on call of duty and kill his character as a way of getting back at him. It was petty, but it was an oddly satisfying way of getting back at him in your mind.

---

It had been another week. You weren’t sure why you were leaving it a week each time before you gave in and let Renjun have his chance of redemption, but it felt like a good amount of time for you to calm down about what had happened. You had cleared your head, focusing on your studying instead of dwelling on your feelings for Renjun, which had stupidly grown over the week. You cursed the first person to claim that distance makes the heart grow fonder, because now you knew first-hand that that statement was correct. You hadn’t read any of the messages you’d received off of Renjun. Not only had he texted you, but he’d sent you snapchats, facebook messaged you, and even came over to your dorm to try and get your attention. When you hadn’t answered the door, he’d slipped a piece of paper underneath your door. It was a cartoon drawing of himself with a speech bubble saying ‘I miss you, I’m sorry for whatever I did’, which annoyed you even more despite how cute it was, because he clearly couldn’t see what he’d done wrong. But you just ignored all of his efforts, wanting him to realise that he had hurt your feelings and you weren’t prepared to just let it go this time. He didn’t get to throw you aside and choose his games over you. Best friend or not, that was super rude in your eyes.

You blamed this stupid pact that the boys had. If they’d never made the pact, then you wouldn’t have been dragged into helping him lose his virginity, then you would have never realised your feelings for him, and things would be how they used to be. But still, things could have ended worse if you hadn’t realised your feelings until after he’d given his innocence away to someone else. Anyway that you looked at it, you just felt like you were stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Renjun had yet to notice you, yet again, as you stood in his doorway with a determined look in your eyes. You knew what you were about to do was stupid. Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. Yet you knew it would get you the answers that you need to clear your head, and hopefully it would make Renjun realise that you deserved his attention more than his stupid games consoles.

You quickly walked over to him after carefully shutting his door. He didn’t notice you until you were climbing into his lap, his body flinching from how startled he was to suddenly have someone climbing on him. He gulped, just letting you climb onto him, not needing to help you as you moved his limbs around until you were perched in his lap, staring at his face with a slightly worried look on your face. You had all of his attention, his arms tightly around you with both of his hands gripping the controller of his playstation behind your back. All he could hear was the sound of war going on through his headset, because his eyes were now on your eyes, watching them as they scanned his own face. You reached up and slipped his headset from his ears, placing them on his desk before grabbing his face in your palms. He gulped, his lips parting as he tried to find some words, but even a simple hello wouldn’t come out of his mouth. He wasn’t sure where he stood with you. The last thing he knew he was in your bad books, but here you are, sat on his lap with has face in your grip.

His eyes widened when your lips planted themselves on his own. His controller fell out of his hands and tumbled to the floor with a clatter, but he placed his hands on your hips slowly and let his eyes flutter shut. His heart was pounding as he realised that the girl he was head over heels for was kissing him. You had a tight hold on Renjun’s face so that he couldn’t feel your hands shaking, but not tight enough that he couldn’t pull away if he wanted to. Your lips moved slowly against his, and to your relief, he moved his lips in time with yours. The kiss wasn’t perfect, but after you found your rhythm with each other, your lips slotted together like puzzle pieces. You pulled away slightly, your lips now resting less than a centimetre away from his as you tried to steady your breathing. Renjun opened his eyes a slither and stared at your lips, gulping in nervousness before placing a lingering kiss to them once more. Your heart almost burst. That small kiss from Renjun had more of an impact on you than the big kiss you had planted on his lips, because he had initiated that kiss, which meant he wanted to kiss you.

“I’m sorry for whatever I did.” He whispered, his thumbs stroking against the material of your hoodie, his touch feeling warm even through the thick fabric. You sighed and pulled your head further away, opening your eyes and looking him in the eyes.

“You can’t even see what you did wrong Renjun, how can you be sorry?” You slowly let your hands trail from his face to rest lightly on his shoulders. He looked taken aback, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to think of the right words to say to you.

“Because whatever I did hurt your feelings…what did I do?” He tilted his head slightly, his eyebrows furrowing as he tried to rack his brain for the part where he went wrong. His cute expression had your heart soaring, and you were finding it really hard to be mad at him. You were feeling a bit more at ease though, as Renjun had accepted your kiss and had kissed you on his own accord, which in your head must mean that he has some kind of feelings for you.

“We were cuddling, and then you just tossed me aside on your bed and went back to your games, you even turned your back towards me…that hurt my feelings Renjun…you were more interested in your stupid games than you were about me.” You felt slightly silly saying it, especially since your bottom lip naturally pouted itself out like you were a sulking child, but you were glad you got the opportunity to express your feelings to him so that hopefully the two of you could clear the air.

You didn’t miss the way that Renjun’s face went bright red in less than ten seconds, his eyes momentarily widening before he groaned, letting his head roll back as he stared at the ceiling. You raised an eyebrow in confusion at his reaction to your words. He huffed a laugh that turned into a whine, and he raised his head up again, his fluffy brown hair flopping back on his forehead perfectly in place. His face was still burning red and his grip on your hips tightened. “I…oh fuck this is embarrassing…”

“What is?” You titled your head at him, noticing how his adams apple bobbed as he gulped in embarrassment.

“I didn’t remove you from my lap because I wanted to play the games instead of cuddle you. I put you on the bed because you were making…” He took another deep breath and then quickly exhaled and carried on. “You were making me hard, and I didn’t want you to notice. So I moved you and then turned away so you couldn’t see my crotch.” He hands slowly trailed down to your lower back, his fingers lifting up the hem of your hoodie so that his hands were pressed against the warmth of your bare skin. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings; I just didn’t want you to know that I got hard from you sitting on my lap whilst I was playing my games. It was really hot, and I like you a lot, so I panicked and…yeah.” He cut off his own rambling to look at you which he had previously been avoiding as he was explaining his motives to you. Your mouth popped open in complete and utter shock. Of all the reasons why Renjun had done what he’d done you’d made in your head, that was not on the list.

“Y-you like me?” You stuttered out, gulping yourself to get rid of the small lump of emotion forming in your throat. He smiled timidly, nodding his head to confirm your question. “I like you too…oh my god…this is crazy but like…in a good way!” You were struggling to find words, so you simply leaned in and kissed him again, wanting to feel his soft lips on your again. He returned the kiss, basking in the feeling of finally having your warm lips slotted between his own, a fuzzy feeling that felt natural blossoming inside of his chest. The kiss confirmed to you that you did have strong feelings towards your best friend, and you were thankful that you did, because you loved everything about Renjun. Even if he was addicted to gaming and was clearly bad at expressing his feelings. You’d only known about your feelings for him for about two weeks, but they’d been there a lot longer than that, sitting at the back of your heart and waiting for the perfect time to attack you. You wondered when Renjun had come to terms with the fact he had feelings for you. But asking him meant that you’d have to pull your lips away from his, which was out of the question for you. Renjun stopped kissing you, but didn’t drag his lips away far, letting them linger against yours, brushing them with yours as if he couldn’t quite believe that they were there.

“You’ve had sex before, haven’t you?” His voice was barely audible, and you smiled against his lips, placing a very tender peck to his glistening, pouted lips. It hadn’t taken Renjun long to start getting hard, his bulge brushing against your crotch as you shuffled closer to him on his lap, a gasp caught in your throat as you answered him.

“Twice.” You whispered back, your stomach erupting in butterflies as you rocked your hips on him, confirming your suspicions that he did in fact have a hard on. Renjun gulped, his cheeks flaring up as he thought his next words over a few times.

“Wanna make it a third?” Your mouth popped open and you stared at him, completely gobsmacked. Renjun bit his bottom lip, his stomach turning as he thought that maybe he’d said the wrong thing. He thought he’d blown it with you before he even got a chance to really start it. Until you let out a laugh through your open mouth, your eyebrows still raised.

“Huang Renjun! That was so smooth! I’m so proud of you.” You leaned in, licking into his mouth and cupping his face in your hands. He held back the sigh of relief he wanted to let out, instead breathing out of his nose slowly and standing up quickly with you in his grasp, much like he had done the week before. But instead of dumping you on the bed and just going back to his games, instead he threw you down onto his bed and crawled over you, settling his body down on yours gently and bringing his lips back to yours. You were beyond shock at the surprise confidence that was suddenly rushing through Renjun. The normally shy, quiet, and reluctant boy was taking complete control of the situation despite the fact he’d never done this before. You felt pride, and you’d be sure to give him a reward for his courage later on.

You gripped at the back of his t-shirt, bunching the cotton in your hands as you trailed your hands up his back, your lips still locked with his even as you got the shirt to the back of his neck. He pulled away, sitting up on his knees to pull his shirt over his head and tossing it aside. You bit your bottom lip as you trailed your hands down his chest to his abdomen, your eyes following your hands as you admired his body. You had no idea how he managed to stay so fit considering all he did was play games, do art, and eat junk food, but he had an impressive body. You let your fingers fiddle with the buttons on his jeans as you lick your lips, moving your eyes back up his body and seeing that his eyes were locked on your face, his bottom lip stuck between his teeth.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered, leaning down and kissing your cheek gently. “I’ve wanted this for a long time.” You noticed his adams apple bob as he gulped, and then all of a sudden he just completely froze, his eyes still as he looked down at you.

“Renjun…?” You sat up in concern, taking his face in your palms and stroking your thumbs against his hot cheeks. “Are you alright?” You pecked his parted lips slowly, letting your lips linger as your thumbs worked small circles on his smooth skin. He cleared his throat, snapping out of his daze and nodding his head.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine I just…what if I’m no good?” His voice was small, and his hands came to rest on your hips. You smiled, holding in your giggle as you dipped your head down to kiss at his throat, swirling your tongue around the spot that you then attached your lips to.

“No ones a porn star on their first attempt, and you know that I won’t judge you anyway.” He seemed to relaxed under your touch and then his hands pushed against you, forcing you to lay back down on the bed.

“Tell me what to do.” He whispered, his cheeks a vibrant red as he stared down at you waiting for instructions. You bit your bottom lip, knowing you had him completely under your thumb, but you didn’t want to push him too far and ruin it for him.

“How about I give you some options and you pick whichever one you want to do?” He nodded quickly in agreement, a small smirk playing on his lips that were a light red from how much you’d kissed them. “Hang on.” You sat up again and pulled your sweater over your head, throwing it on the floor with Renjun’s t-shirt and trying not to smirk at how wide his eyes went when his eyes zoned in on your bra. “You can touch them.” He didn’t need anymore prompting, his hands quickly trailing from your hips to your breast, his hands cupping them and giving them a small squeeze.

“Wow…” He whispered in awe, licking his lips, and bumping his bulge against your crotch to try and get some friction to his growing cock.

“Okay so these are the options, first of all, do you want to do foreplay or just jump straight in?” You didn’t know if he could last until the actual fucking if you did foreplay, but you really hoped he said he wanted the foreplay.

“I want to do foreplay…can I eat you out…please?” You raised your eyebrows as he had clearly picked which foreplay he wanted before you even managed to give him his options.

“Since you asked so nicely.” You bit your bottom lip, watching his every move as he shuffled down the bed, laying on his stomach with his legs hanging off the end of the bed. You leaned forward and unclipped your bra, pulling it from your chest and playfully throwing it onto Renjun’s head. He paused as he laughed softly, your bra covering his vision momentarily until he threw it on the floor. His tongue ran over his lips when he saw your boobs for the first time.

“Wow.” He whispered in awe, shuffling back up the bed and hovering over your body. “Can I?” He swallowed the saliva that had pooled in his mouth from his mouth watering at the sight of your chest.

“You haven’t got to ask for anything Renjun, if you want to do something, do it.” He made eye contact with you, a small smile playing on his lips as he nodded in understanding. His tongue poked out and flicked over your left nipple, his eyes closing briefly as he swirled the wet appendage around the hard nub, covering it with a thin coat of his spit. His lips encased your nipple, sucking it until his mouth like it was going to give him something in return. Your breath left your lungs at the spark that rushed through your body, his tongue still working on your nipple even as he sucked. He reached up and pinched your right nipple gently with his hand, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger before flicking it quickly. You knew he’d seen this in porn, otherwise he wouldn’t have done it with such confidence. Even though porn wasn’t the best educational way to learn how to fuck, you thanked it in this moment, because it was really paying off. You ran your hands through his hair, gripping it tightly and pushing his head south softly, trying to hint that you want him to use his tongue where you needed it the most.

He seemed reluctant to let go of your nipple, but he did in the end, releasing it with a pop and licking down your stomach, pressing kisses along the way until he came to the waistband of your leggings. He glanced up at you with questioning eyes, you nodded as encouragement and then felt his fingers slowly peel the waistband down your legs. “Fuck.” He mumbled upon seeing your blue lace panties. He had the picture engraved forever in his brain and he knew later on he would have a good attempt at drawing what he’d seen. But the drawings would be for his eyes only, and maybe yours depending on how well they resembled you.

You didn’t want to rush him so just watched as he pulled your leggings off of your legs, pulling your socks off with them and placing a soft kiss to your left ankle. He swooped down after tenderly placing your legs over his shoulders, getting himself comfortable on the bed with his face in front of your spread legs. He leaned in, dragging his tongue from your hole to your clit over the top of your panties. His eyes flicked up at you, watching as you took in a sharp inhale of breath, your own eyes locked on him with your mouth parted. He slowly rubbed you over your panties with two of his fingers, his bottom lip tucked between his teeth as he concentrated hard, also slightly in disbelief that he was doing this to you of all people.

“Take them off.” You breathed out, feeling like the material was suffocating you in your want, your need. He wasted no time in complying to your demand, tugging them down your legs and leaving them to lay beside him on the bed. His eyes widened at how your pussy was glistening with slick, and a sense of pride washed over him because he knew that he caused it.

“Shit.” He mumbled, not thinking about his actions before diving his tongue in between your folds, lapping at you like you were a melting ice cream in the summer heat. “Oh fuck.” Your head flopped backwards onto his pillow as he messily ate you out, his tongue travelling up and down, round and round, visiting your clit before meandering back down to dip inside of your leaking hole. “Use your fingers.” Your back arched when he cautiously slid his middle finger inside of you, his hips subconsciously grinding into the bed to release some of the pressure on his hard cock.

“Like this?” He pumped it in and out of you, his tongue pushing against your sensitive clit at the same time.

“Yes! Fuck another!” You didn’t realise how loud you were being, but Renjun wasn’t about to tell you, his pride in what he was doing clouding his mind to the point where he didn’t care who heard. He slid his ring finger in beside his middle finger, sitting up on his knees and leaning down to connect his lips to yours, his tongue clashing against yours in a heated kiss as his fingers pumped in and out of you. He moved to lay beside you, your feet planted on the bed and his lips now on your neck as he worked magic with his fingers. If you weren’t so lost in the feeling his was bringing down on you, you would question whether or not he was really a virgin, because he was making you feel so good with truly little instruction. “Jun stop, I’m gonna cum if you don’t.” You grabbed his wrist, your chest rising and falling fast as you tried to catch your breath and steady the rhythm of your heart. He halted his actions and leaned in, pecking your lips quickly.

“Was it good?” He shyly asked, a small smirk tugging at the corners of his lips as he withdrew his fingers from you, examining the juices coating his fingers and palm, a small bead dribbling down his wrist. You nodded, not being able to speak properly just yet as you tried to will your orgasm back into its hiding spot. “You’re so wet.” He whispered in surprise, his eyes then going back down to your face. “Can I fuck you now?” He was beyond horny, the pressure in his crotch area almost hurting as he used his fingers to pop open the button on his jeans, sliding down the zipper and diving his wet hand inside his boxers to squeeze at his erection.

“Please…wait don’t you want me to suck you off?” You felt bad at not giving what you’d received, but Renjun sat up on his knees again, positioning himself between your legs.

“If you touch my dick I will cum, and I want to cum inside of you.” He quickly rose from the bed, turning his back from you as he went to his desk, opening up a drawer and pulling out a silver packet. He pulled his jeans and boxers down in one swift motion, his back still turned away from you so you didn’t get to see his cock yet. He rolled the condom on his length, taking a deep breath to try and compose himself as he pumped himself a few times. He then turned around, trying not to cower underneath your sultry gaze that soon fell from his face to his cock. You knew he was nervous, and he was still your best friend, so you winked at him.

“Nice cock.” You spread your legs wider as a silent invite for him.

“Thanks.” He chuckled, his face beet red and his hair looking like a bird’s nest from how your fingers had ruffled through it. He clambered onto the bed, moving so that he was hovering over you with his left hand planted on the bed next to your neck. He used his right hand to grip at his shaft. “I love you.” He whispered, leaning down and placing a kiss so sweet to your lips that you almost melted through his bed. You heart felt like it was swelling up in your chest as you wrapped your arms around his neck, keeping his lips close to yours.

“Love you too Renjunnie.” You whispered back; your words mumbled into his lips as he guided his cock inside of you slowly. He paused halfway, taking a deep breath, and then exhaling through his nose to try and compose himself. Once he was fully inside of you he leaned down and tucked head into the crook of your neck, laying gentle butterfly kisses to your skin, breathing in your scent and waiting for you both to adjust.

After a minute he gently pulled his hips back, then pushed them against you again, his cock sliding in and out of you in a steady but gradual rhythm. He groaned into your neck, feeling an unimaginable amount of pleasure buried in your warm, wet walls. He’d jerked off a lot of times throughout his years, but that felt like nothing compared to how you felt around him. His cock felt so snug inside of you, like you were made to fit him inside. You panted, closing your eyes and wrapping your legs around him, your hands moving from his neck to grip at his hair once again, tugging it softly to cope with the pleasure you felt every time his cock would push back into you.

His hips sped up, the sound of skin slapping against skin resonating around the room as you started to lose control of your vocal chords, your mouth spilling moans as you bucked your hips up into his, looking for more even if what he was giving you was more than enough. “(Y/N), fuck baby girl.” He moaned loudly, pushing up onto his arms so he was staring down at you, his eyes boring into yours as his hips moved at a different angle, hitting a new spot inside of you that had your eyes almost rolling into the back of your head. “I can’t hold on much longer.” You were happy he was admitting it so that you didn’t hold back on your own orgasm, wanting to cum around his pulsating cock inside of you. The dirty thought had your back arching, your hands moving from his body to grip at the sheets of his bed, looking for something to squeeze as the pressure you felt building up inside of you was so astronomical you felt like you were going to burst. His thrusts became sloppy as his peak came closer, sitting back on his heels more and gripping at your hips tightly.

“Renjun harder!” You squealed, your thighs quivering and toes curling as he delivered three hard thrusts that had you moaning out loudly, your orgasm crashing into you like a wave of lava consuming your body. You were actually surprised that he’d managed to make you cum before he did, considering he was the virgin and you knew it was rare for you to climax so fast. There was just something about Renjun that had your nerves on fire, your body reacting to him like nothing you’d ever felt before. He stilled completely, his fingers digging into you so hard you were certain they’d leave little sore spots where fingertip shaped bruises would arise. He stomach flexed as he came into the condom, the feeling of your walls squeezing his cock being enough to force him over the edge. He grinded his hips into you a few more times, slowly as he head fell back onto his shoulders, his hair sticking to his forehead and his mouth parted as he tried to regain his regular breathing.

“Fuuuuck.” He groaned, slowly coming back to live on your world again and looking down at you with lazy, half closed eyes. He had a dopey smile on his face that told you he was still on cloud nine, and then reluctantly he pulled out of you, flopping onto his back beside you on the small bed, your shoulders pressed firmly against his. You had recovered from your orgasm, watching him as his eyes slowly closed and struggled to reopen.

“Hey,” You whispered, rolling onto your side and leaning up on one of your arms. “We need to clean up.” You placed a gentle peck on his still parted lips. He groaned, giving his head a small shake. You rolled your eyes and sat up, letting him get away with being lazy since he’d just lost his virginity, but next time you weren’t going to let him get away with it. “Fine.” You slowly stood up, wobbling slightly on your legs and having to grip onto his bedside table for stability for a moment. You grabbed some tissues and wiped yourself off your own mess, discarding of them before grabbing more tissues and wiping Renjun clean of any mess, also removing the condom and throwing it into his waste bin. By the time you’d finished cleaning the two of you up, you noticed that Renjun was completely dead to the world, his chest moving slowly as he slept. You rolled your eyes and giggled, pulling a blanket over the top of his naked body, and kissing his forehead affectionately. You pulled on your bra and panties, throwing on the biggest t-shirt of Renjun’s that you could find in his wardrobe before leaving the room quietly, shutting the door gently to not disturb him.

You walked out into the living room, on your way to the kitchen to get yourself a drink when you came across the wide eyed, shocked, yet oddly smug faces of three boys, staring directly at you. You froze, a guilty smile on your face because you completely forgot that Renjun shared the apartment with his best friends. You also thought about how you must have looked, your hair a mess and your skin still slightly glistening from the sweat you’d accumulated from fucking Renjun.

“Hi…” You broke the silence, slowly shuffling towards the kitchen but keeping your eyes on them. It was Jaemin who spoke up first.

“You know, when I said you needed to help him get his dick wet, I didn’t mean for you to be the one who wet it…” Jeno slapped Jaemin on the shoulder for that remark, but you sniggered and bit your bottom lip, your cheeks heating up as you realised that they must have heard most, if not all of what you’d done.

“You should have been more specific Jaems.” You shrugged, walking off to the kitchen and leaving them to talk amongst themselves.

---

“What’s bothering you Renjun?” You’d been sat with him at the local diner, a bowl of nachos in between you both but Renjun had hardly touched them, instead fiddling with a napkin, and avoiding your gaze. Renjun glanced up and gave you a small smile, picking up the milkshake that you were both sharing and taking a sip of it through the straw. You’d spent the night with Renjun, sleeping on his chest on his small bed and cuddling him all night. You felt like you were living on a magical cloud and no one could bring you down. You’d also spent the morning with him, and he’d been strangely quiet, just cuddling with you on his bed and watching Netflix until your stomach rumbled and he dressed you in some of his clothes and marched you down to the diner.

“Nothing is.” He shrugged but you knew he was lying, his eyes still avoiding your own. You knew him too well though, so you knew that something was definitely playing on his mind.

“Is it because we fucked last night?” Renjun nearly choked on the nacho that he’d put in his mouth as an attempt to distract you from thinking something was wrong with him. You smirked, seeing that you’d got it right on the mark. “Do you regret it?” You gently rubbed your foot against his own as you sat opposite him in the booth.

“No!” His eyes widened as he hurried to reassure you that he didn’t regret what happened. “Babe no, I loved it, it was amazing…I just…” He trailed off, taking a deep breath, and running a hand through his hair nervously.

“What is it?” You gave him a smile of encouragement, hoping he wasn’t about to tell you that he didn’t want to do it again.

“You give me a funny feeling in my stomach.” He looked down at the milkshake glass in his hands, trailing his fingers up and down the condensation as his cheeks turned red. You felt your own cheeks start to burn at his confession, and you laughed awkwardly.

“That could just be the milkshake.” You mumbled, shoving a nacho in your mouth, and watching him intently.

“I’m being serious. You give me this feeling that I’ve never felt before and I’m fairly sure that it’s the feeling people get when they look at someone they love.” His words had your heart pounding, and suddenly you had no appetite. You knew what the feeling was, because you felt it whenever you looked at Renjun, whenever he smiled, or said something really smart that went straight over your head.

“I feel the same way.” You reached across the table and took his hand in your own, gently rubbing your thumb against the back of his hand.

“Do you…oh god this is so awkward, and I’ve never done this before but…do you want to be with me? As my girlfriend?” He looked nervous, as if you were going to shot him down like a pigeon in the sky. You broke out into a big smile and giggled in your own nervousness.

“I would love to be your girlfriend.” You squeezed his hand, trying to stop yourself from squealing from how giddy you felt in that moment. Your best friend was also your boyfriend, and from that moment you would start a new chapter in your relationship with Renjun.

Later on that evening Renjun had convinced you to let him draw you. You felt silly, and you knew for a fact you’d find it hard to stay still the whole time considering he wanted to draw your whole body. But since he asked so nicely, and had begged about sixty times in an hour, you eventually stripped off completely naked, and laid on his bed for him. You laid on your side with your head resting on his pillow, your right arm tucked under the pillow as you faced him. He was sat in his gaming chair, his glasses perched on his nose and his sketchpad in his lap. He kept poking his tongue out in concentration and would tell you off every time you moved.

“So, I know you spoke to the boys earlier on when I was in the shower,” You smiled at him, trying your hardest not to move as to not get scolded by him again. “Did they say anything about us?” Renjun looked up over his sketch pad and cleared his throat, giving you an awkward laugh and nod.

“Of course they did. First off, they congratulated me for losing my virginity first, they also said they were super shocked, which I’m not gonna lie, kind of offended about that.” He laughed, which told you he was only joking, and he hadn’t actually taken any offence to their words. “Then they said that they’re happy for me that I have finally asked you out and yeah that’s pretty much it.” You bit your bottom lip, smirking as you looked at Renjun, his eyes trained on his art and not looking at you as he worked on a certain part.

“Renjun…” You called out, parting your legs and trailing your left hand down your body, cupping your heat and rubbing your fingers over yourself slowly. He looked up and then looked back at his art, realising what he’d just seen and quickly looking back up against to take a second look.

“Holy…” He trailed off, gulping as he watched you rub yourself, your bottom lip between your teeth. “I know you’re trying to seduce me so that we can fuck but…I haven’t drawn your lower half yet and I would really love to draw you exactly as you are now. So don’t move!” His face was red, but he looked like an excited puppy. You groaned, you eyes rolling and you cursed yourself for having an artist as a boyfriend, because now he was finally in a sexual relationship, he could unlock a whole new level to his art that he’d never been able to before.

“Haung Renjun, you better fuck me so good after you’re finished drawing or I will rip it up.” Your threat left a wide grin on his face, and you knew this was going to be an incredibly fun chapter in your life.

Hello! I hope you enjoyed the first instalment of The Virgin Diaries! I didn’t proofread the smut scene so sorry if there’s any grammar or spelling errors there, maybe one day I’ll go back and proofread it but don’t hold your breath. Let me know what you think and if you’re excited for Jeno’s part (he’s next). Love you!

[duffy-is-daydreaming]

Very belated Martyshka status update 😅

So this is kind of embarrassing, but it’s high time I get around to explaining why I dropped off the map for so long. Tl;dr, a lot of awful life drama came up all at once right as I was trying to finish chapter 16, and I lost all my writing mojo for a couple months while I was sorting everything out. I’m starting to feel good about writing again, and chapter 16 should finally be out next week!

Abbreviated story under the cut:

Back in June, I found myself wrapped up in quite a few unpleasant life developments. Family drama, increased work load, trouble with school plans, financial anxiety, etcetera. When I wasn’t doing my part to try and manage all of these things, all of my free thought space was taken up by the need to decompress. Try as I might, I couldn’t sit down and work on Martyshka for more than half an hour at a time without it adding to my stress, which is NOT what writing this story is supposed to feel like. I knew that if I kept trying to force myself to write, I would start to resent it, and that would be the end of Martyshka. Thus, I decided to put this work on the back-burner until I could get back out to school, wrap up my most pressing tasks, reestablish my routine, and find the clarity of mind to continue writing. I absolutely should have made a post like this earlier as a heads up, and I apologize for not doing so. I think I was just embarrassed to suddenly be abandoning the schedule I’d been able to hold myself to so well since I started this story last November.

Things have gotten significantly better in the meantime. I’ve been seeing a therapist, I got back to my own apartment, and I’m settling back into a healthy space. Back in July, I was able to join one of my professors from last semester and some other students on a two-week camping trip to Grand Teton National Park, and that time away from the city did me wonders. I feel reinvigorated mentally and physically, and after reevaluating my schedule and writing habits, I think I’m ready to get back into Martyshka.

The update schedule will probably change a few more times over the next few months as I start my senior year of college. I’m anticipating having chapter 16 done and uploaded by next Sunday, and chapter 17 will hopefully be up by mid-September, if not sooner. Thank you all so much for your patience, and I’m sorry again for any fear of fic abandonment my silence might have caused. I promise you, I still fully intend to see this fic through to the end; it’d be a disservice to my very exciting plans and all those who’ve helped me form them to leave them unaccomplished.

That’s about all for now, so enjoy some lovely pictures from my camping trip while I finish chapter 16. I’ll see you all next week!

[strssed-out]

Cancel Culture and “Educating” On Twitter

WARNING: THERE IS A LOT OF BIAS AND OPINIONS IN THIS, I WAS JUST RANTING MY THOUGHTS ON TWITTER.

thank you and enjoy :D

Before quarantine, many content creators were not as big as they are now—Dream, Tommyinnit, Tubbo, Ranboo, Corpse, so on so forth. They have grown enormously ever since the start of lockdown. With growing that fast in under a year, a vast fanbase starts to form as well. Twitter has now almost wholly controlled the MCYT fandom (Minecraft Youtubers) and having at least one to two things on the trending tab about their content creators. Many things can go wrong with a huge fanbase. But having a fanbase that is controlling a big social media site makes it worse. We have seen some of those moments throughout this year.

Twitter has two sides when they want to give content creators criticism. It’s either “educating” them with threads or just bluntly saying how they need to get better. However, both things start with the “trigger warning” represented like this: //(insert content creator name) neg. The neg is short for negative. Many of those negative thoughts get trending whenever a content creator does something their fandom doesn’t like. It’s almost expecting them to be perfect. They analyze every tweet and move their content creator makes. Once they finally find them trip a little, they announce it. Now there are some relatively rare times where Twitter is correct. As in making content creators stop some type of ACTUAL hurtful behavior. (when I refer to actual I mean behavior that affects EVERYONE on social media, not just Twitter. So, when people on other social media sites are talking about it, and are having similar views.) In this situation, you would expect them to use the educating type of idea. Well, no. Twitter users like to make it more threatening, and from what I understand, it makes the content creators understand better…? This is just wrong and disgusting to find these tweets about these small mistakes these content creators make.

Talking about those content creators. Each of them resolves the problem(s) differently. It’s either writing a lengthy apology on Twitter or apologizing on stream. Sometimes, their apologies are well made, and Twitter is happy. But if they are not good enough, people would tweet things as in, “what a half-hearted apology” or “what type of apology is that”. Usually, those apologies that aren’t the best are like that because of constant Twitter pressure. Yup, who would have known. If a content creator is still active during the trending of their name, like trying to get a video out, Twitter will start attacking them. In short, Twitter expects the BEST apology in a short amount of time. What they don’t understand is that content creators also need to figure out what the hell they did wrong. It’s not easy. Twitter doesn’t understand the stress of having thousands of people constantly attacking you on the spot. Twitter just thinks they know.

Now, you see how I keep referring to Twitter and only Twitter. Well, on other platforms like Tumblr and Youtube, people have very different opinions compared to Twitter. If it’s something to do with people of color (POC), Twitter is the one to over-react in these types of situations, while POC on other platforms seems to just laugh at that joke. Most of these “over-reactions” are because most of these people tweeting are white, not POC. Pretty much, it’s just white people speaking for POC. To make it clear, if you are someone who is ACTUALLY hurt by what the joke targets, go ahead and voice your opinion. It's just, I HATE IT when white people speak for POC. Expressed by many POC, they don’t like that and never will. So, in short, Twitter is just a place with overly sensitive users. (haha)

Now, my opinion on this whole thing. As a POC, most of these jokes that seem to hurt Twitter are honestly not that bad; they are pretty funny. Sometimes, I don’t understand how people get so overly sensitive over those jokes. I'm not saying that you can't hate on them. It's human nature, you gotta at least dislike something in life. I've seen it many times, people on Twitter like to put a trigger warning to the person and content creator Schlatt. Haha, yea, A REAL PERSON. I get it, he has made some REALLY messed up jokes, that I don't even find funny, but putting a trigger warning. Come on now. The real problem with Twitter I have had for a long time is how they can take things WAY TO FAR.

Two good examples are the Karl Jacobs drama and Tommyinnit drama. Karl Jacobs is a friend of the famous Youtuber, Mr. Beast, and a part of the DSMP (Dream SMP). Some old tweets were resurfaced about Karl supporting a content creator that has said slurs and very racist jokes. Of course, Twitter starts their routine by trending the two words, “karl neg.” This is trending for a few days. Eventually, Karl begins to stream for this whole drama on Twitter. His apology was acceptable, but the thing that pissed me off was when someone had called Karl asking him if he had eaten. Twitter had affected Karl’s health, causing him to starve himself. This is quite similar to what happened to Tommy. Twitter had affected his health, but instead of apologizing, they use that against him. Tommy streams on his alt account, and the stream was just a QandA stream. Eventually, they hit the topic of “tommy neg.” (He streamed a day after tommy neg was trending) He starts apologizing but started mixing his words up. He was very nervous and anxious about the whole thing. Why do you think he was scared? Twitter! Haha… He starts going on the topic of him going to therapy. A few minutes, tommy neg is trending AGAIN. Two days in a row. On the first day, there were some good tweets about whatever Tommy had done, but the second one was just stupid remarks towards Tommy. People on Twitter used his anxiety and therapy talk against him. They were still getting mad at him. This was vile to see and read. Who has the guts to use someone’s mental health problems against them? Oh well, that’s Twitter for you. Continuing about Tommy’s alt stream, there were multiple times when he looked like he would have a panic attack or just start breaking down. His whole stream lasted for about an hour. Eventually, tommy neg was filled with people with the same opinions as me. Such as how horrible it was to see people use his therapy against him.

In short, Twitter has become a very toxic place for both people in the fandom and their content creators. They are affecting mental health as well. Having many white people speak on our behalf in these jokes or stereotypes is tiring. We understand you have the privilege, but please use that privilege when it is ACTUALLY needed. Honestly, I find it so funny yet heartbreaking that white people are over here trying to "teach" a GAMER about how to be better when they can use that "white privilege" for other topics that are ALSO discussed on Twitter. (yea! other topics are discussed on the platform! I was even surprised) The DSMP fandom on Twitter is just a place of overly sensitive users.

- a POC

[whimsicallyreading]

Part Four~

(Part Three)

Aelin loved Elide. She did. The tiny brunette was like a little sister to her.

But if she said Lorcan Salvaterre’s name one more time she was going to throttle her.

Aelin smiled through her annoyance, as Elide filled her in on her new boyfriend. They organized shelves, set up displays, cleaned couches, as she gushed on and on.

If it was anyone besides that walking, talking, ass, she would be thrilled for Elide. She didn’t go on dates often. After the car wreck when she’d lost her left leg, Elide became shy and timid with people she was unfamiliar with.

Aelin wanted to fill her in on what happened the night before. Tell her that exactly how her new boyfriend treated women when she wasn’t around, and the crowd he hung out with. She just- Aelin frowns and rubs the space between her eyebrows. She didn’t want to damper Elide’s happiness.

“He took me to this little restaurant on the Avery River last weekend. It was adorable,” Elide babbled as she rearranged the new releases. “He didn’t even blink when I told him I don’t drink and ordered a Shirley Temple.”

Aelin laughs. “Your ordered a Shirley Temple on a date?”

Elide blushes, “they look fancier than a soda.”

That was a lie. Elide just loved everything cherry flavored.

“Enough about me,” Aelin startled as the tiny girl turned on her. “Tell me how your night went!” Elide beamed. “You went to the rodeo with Aedion, right?”

She gasps as the realization strikes her. “Did you see Lorcan ride? I haven’t even seen him compete, yet! I’m so jealous.”

“Yeah, I saw him.” Aelin answers vaguely, hoping Elide would take the vague answer and carry on.

“He told me he came in second last night.” Elide frowns. “He was really unhappy about it, and I told him that second was great. I don’t think he believed me. Lorcan is such a perfectionist.”

Yeah. So perfect he does drugs with his crappy, friends in a dimly lit bar. Aelin shoves a book onto the shelf a little too aggressively.

“I wish he wasn’t so hard on himself. It’s such a competitive sport, though. His buddies ride as well, and I think that makes it worse. He wants to impress them.”

Aelin looks back, realizing she’d stacked over half the shelf by herself, and sees Elide sitting on the floor behind her. She had a far off look on her face, and her chin was rested on one knee while her prosthetic leg was stretched in front of her.

Taking a deep breath, she tries to swallow back the annoyance creeping up on her. “Elide.”

“It’s just, a lot of peer pressure you know?” Elide continues talking as if she hasn’t heard her. “Despite all of that and the drama, he still makes time for me. It’s honestly really sweet and-“

“Elide,” Aelin tries to catch her attention gently.

“I still haven’t met his friends yet. I’m not sure if it’s just too soon for that, but his best friend Rowan is coming over tomorrow and-“

“Elide,” Aelin bites our sharply, cutting the girl off mid sentence. “I’m glad to hear you are happy, and that your boyfriend gives a shit but can you please help me do the shelving like I pay you to do?”

Guilt. Instantaneous guilt as the younger girl wilts like a flower under a gale-force wind. “Sorry, Lin.” Elide whispers and scurries away, her cheeks reddening.

Shit. Aelin taps her head against the shelf in front of her. She felt like a piece of shit.

Aelin has been dealing with her issues for years, going to therapist after therapist, but she was still prone to bouts of anger and depression. She had it mostly under control, but sometimes it slipped from her. Being tired and skipping lunch hadn’t helped.

As Yrene always told her- “The first step in better mental health is taking care of your body” Something Aelin had never been good about.

Elide hadn’t deserved her ire, she would have to figure out a way to make it up to her. Aelin sighs in resignation, already knowing what she’d have to do.

Aelin finishes the shelves first, figuring Elide would need a minute to compose herself. Her phone dings with the reply to her text message.

Lysandra- Tonight at 6:00

“Elide?” she searches around the shop for her and finds her sitting behind the computer at the front desk.

“Yeah?” Elide replies, her voice is a little gravely and she refuses to meet Aelin’s eyes.

Aelin slinks behind the desk and wraps an arm around Elide’s shoulders. “I’m sorry I wasn’t kind.” She wouldn’t lie, she felt a bit like a toddler having to apologize for her short temper. A little embarrassment was better than an unhappy friend.

“It’s fine, Lin. I know I’m a little much to handle,” Elide still doesn’t look at her.

“No, it’s not okay, but I’m going to make it up to you,” Aelin smiles even if inside she’s cringing.

“Yeah?” Elide finally looks her in the eye, curiosity sparkling there.

“I texted Lys about the party she’s having tonight,” Aelin starts and Elide’s grow wide. “Would you want to go with me?”

“To a party? You hate parties,” she questions but Elide is already thrumming with excitement.

Aelin grabs Elide’s hand and squeezes. She doesn’t hate parties. Contrary, Aelin loves night out a little too much. That was her downfall. Now she was wary of them, but it didn’t mean she hated them.

“Really? You will go?” Elide smiles and stands up. “I’m so excited. Wow. Okay. I’ll go do with you.”

“Great, we can walk over together at five-thirty?” They lived the in the same apartment complex, it was easy for them to meet up and go places after work.

Elide is grinning ear to ear now as she hustles to finish up her chores for the day. “Sounds great. I’m so excited!”

Aelin is feeling a little upbeat herself. Even if parties weren’t really her scene anymore, attending would be fun. Elide being there would keep her from getting into any trouble, so what’s the harm?

She should know that’s the question that always goes before the fall.

~~~

Aeljn was feeling good.

She pulled on her slinky, green-velvet dress, and braided her hair into a crown like Aunt Marion used to do for her. Dressing up felt like armor to Aelin and she was a warrior who would turn heads tonight.

Elide has also done a great job dressing up. Billowing black pants and a silver singlet. She didn’t enjoy dressing up as much as Aelin, being the center of attention made her anxious, but she didn’t give herself enough credit. Elide was beautiful and Aelin would make sure her friend new that this evening.

Lysandra lived in a loft in downtown Rifthold. She was old money and Aelin was a frequent of her outrageous parties in highschool. Some of her most iconic teenage memories happened in Lysandra’s family home.

Not her proudest, but memorable for sure.

It was already in full swing when they arrived. Music played over Bluetooth speakers, various concoctions were passed around in red cups and people mingles and moved against one another in every open space.

Elide looked a little overwhelmed, but Aelin smiled at her reassuringly.

“Lin!” Lysandra appears from the crowd like a leopard from a jungle. She filings her arms around Aelin’s neck and kisses her cheek. “I’m so glad you are here!”

“It’s been too long since I’ve been to one of your get together,” Aelin wrapped her arms tightly around Lysandra.

“This is my friend Elide,” she gestures to the girl standing stiffly behind her. “Elide this is one of my oldest friends Lysandra. Possibly my soon to be sister-in-law.”

Aelin throws and wink at Lys who immediately retaliates with a pinch to her arm. “I love you and Aedion but I’m too young for that,” she scolds.

“Sure you are,” Aelin teases sliding back to Elide’s side and wrapping a comforting arm around her waist. “Those two are stupid in love don’t let her fool you,” she wiggles her fingers and Elide laughs.

“Stay right here, I’ll go get us some drinks.” Lysandra smiles and disappears into the crowd.

Almost as soon as she’s gone, there’s a tap on her shoulder. Turning around, absolute dread fills her gut. “I swear you all are stalking me,” Aelin moans.

Rowan Whitethorn is standing behind them, drink in hand and a scowl on his face. “What do you mean? This is the first time I’ve seen you since you ran out on me.” There’s an edge in his voice and Aelin knows he’s there for trouble. “I just thought I’d say hello and ask what the hell is wrong with you?”

“What the hell is wrong with me?” Aelin is indignant. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Um,” Elide stammers. “Should I give you two space?”

“I really liked you, and you stormed out on me.” Rowan growls lowly. “I don’t know what I did wrong? You humiliated me in front of my friends.”

Aelin throws her head back and laughs. A sense of satisfaction brews in her chest when she sees the forest fire beginning in his eyes. “I embarrassed you? Your friends treated me like shit.” She hisses between her teeth.

Rowan’s frown deepens into a near snarl, “I’m not responsible for what those idiots say.”

“You-“ she jabs a finger into his chest. “Stood bye and let them say it, that makes you implicit. If you respected me in the slightest my comfort and dignity would have mattered to you.”

Aelin makes to jab him again but his hand catches her wrist and she can’t control the flinch.

His eyes widen, but a body appears in between them. Elide Lochan stands like a solider in front of the man who is twice her size. “You don’t touch her.”

Rowan backed off a step, his voice raising. “She was prodding me-“ he stops himself and takes a breath, a crease forming in his forehead. “I’m sorry. I’ll back off.”

“What’s going on over here?” Lysandra’s voice cuts through the noise of the party. She doesn’t look happy.

“He put his hands on her,” Elide hisses and Rowan’s eyes go from anger to shock.

He holds up his hands and looks to Lysandra. “I didn’t. I swear.”

Lysandra stands next to Elide forming a wall between him and Aelin. As one of the few people who knew about Aelin’s drama of the last couple of years, the look of this situation boiled her blood.

“Lys, he didn’t-“ Aelin tries to douse the scene they were about to create.

Lysandra gives her a look that makes Aelin quiet. “I love you Lin, but I don’t trust your excuses.”

That hurt. Her heart feels like it was wrung in her chest. Aelin crosses her arms in front of her, suddenly feeling withdrawn from the situation.

Elide hasn’t broken her stare from Rowan. “You should probably leave.”

“What?” He flounders looking equal parts shocked and horrified. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare her. We know each other.”

“I agree,” Lysandra tilts her chin to the door. “You aren’t welcome here any longer.”

Rowan looks at her for help, and she feels bad for him. Aelin knows she touched him first, but Lysandra’s comment was like a cold knife in her side and she was still bleeding. She didn’t know what to do or say.

“Rowan? What’s going on?” Lorcan appears behind Rowan, placing a hand on his shoulder. Aelin knows the moment he sees Elide standing in front of her, because his face deflated.

“You know him?” Elide’s voice is cold.

Lorcan, a beast of a male, cowers in front of little Elide. His mouth gapes like a fish. He can’t deny her question, but affirming it seemed worse. “Ellie,” her name comes out strangled.

“These are your friends, Lorcan? The people you seem to be keeping me from?” Elide darkens further as she looks at Rowan. “I guess I understand why.”

“Both of you can leave, then.” Lysandra smiles maliciously.

“I’m sorry, Aelin.” Rowan rubs both of his hands across his face then through his hair. “Damn it, I didn’t mean for this to go like it did. I wanted to apologize.” He says mostly to himself.

“Elide. He’s my friend. I don’t know what’s going on-“ Lorcan scrambles to cover his ass, but Elide isn’t having it.

“This is Lysandra’s house.” Elide says so calmly it would have been kinder if she yelled. “She asked you to leave.”

Lorcan looks at her, absolutely fuming and Aelin knows he’s beyond pissed. “I don’t know what this lying bitch-“

A slap broke like thunder between them.

Lorcan holds his cheek as Aelin gapes at Elide in shock. There are no tears to be seen in the younger girls expression. Her shoulders are trembling, not with fear but anger.

“Let’s go.” Rowan chokes out. He grabs Lorcan’s shoulder and pulls him away from the trio of women.

Lysandra watches them like a predator until they clear her front door. Her tense shoulders only relax when they leave. She releases a breath and looks at Elide.

“You are hella cool, Ellie. You deserve something better than that piss-poor beer I brought.” She nods to the solo cups that had been abandoned on the table. “I’ve got better shit in my room. Let’s go.”

Elide looks follows Lysandra with an elated look on her face. Aelin smiles dimly, she could see them becoming fast friends. Elide would be a good addition to the group.

They pushed through the crowd, and up the stairs. Aelin wasn’t in the partying mood anymore, which was disappointing. She’d been looking forward to it, and so had Elide.

Shaking her head, Aelin decides she will take a small reprieve in Lysandra’s room then suggest they go back downstairs. Elide was only comfortable coming to a party because she was going to be with her. Now not only was her night ruined, but she was on the outs with Lorcan because of her.

The very least she could do was make sure the night ended on a good note for Elide. Lysandra would be totally willing to help Aelin get her to let loose.

When they reach the bedroom Lysandra stops the outside the door. “You can go in, Ellie. I need to talk to Aelin for just a second.”

Elide nods happily and shuffles inside.

“Lys,” Aelin starts before Lysandra can. “I’m fine. I promise.”

“You promised me before,” her voice is hard but not unloving. “Who was that Aelin?”

She doesn’t miss the use of her full name. “Just some guy I went out for drinks with one time. I honestly don’t even know him.” Aelin assures.

“Has he been bothering you? If he is I will castrate him and feed his own-“ Aelin covers her ears.

“No, no. We just bumped into each other, it was a misunderstanding,” Aelin swears. “Honestly, you didn’t need to kick him out.”

“Yes,” Lysandra hisses. “I did. You aren’t going through that again, Aelin. Not over my dead body.”

“I appreciate that you love me so much,” Aelin whispers, not wanting Elide to pick up on their conversation. “But I can take care of myself. I’m not broken, Lys. Just hurt.”

Lysandra groans sadly, her dark lashes fan against her cheeks as if she’s fighting tears back. Suddenly Lys is hugging her again, and Aelin sinks into her embrace like always.

“I know you aren’t broken. I’m sorry that I’m so fussy.” Aelin let’s her tuck itself into Lys shoulder, aware that she was a safe person to be open with.

After a moment they pull apart. “Please. Just be careful,” Lysandra pleads.

“Of course,” Aelin promises. “Thank you for always having my back.”

“Never again,” Lysandra reiterates, reaching out to grab her hand.

“Never again.” Aeljn squeezes it.

“Lysandra! Your cat is so cute!” Elide coos from behind the door. The tension is broken and the two of them look at the other and laugh.

“Let’s go.” Aelin says, and Lysandra holds the door for the both of them.

Never again would Aelin submit to a cruel man’s will.

Not even for a man like Rowan Whitethorn.

Part Two of the birthday mass update! Thank you guys so much for reading 💚

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