#I have a lot of growing up still left to do.

[galaxymagitech]

Ah, permission to ramble. I choose to take this at face value and rambled…a lot. Bear with me, I’m not really sure how to articulate this one.

Dick is a peacemaker in the family, but he’s not a peacekeeper. There’s a distinction there that a lot of people miss. They’ll portray him as either constantly fighting Bruce and holding grudges or completely just bowing to Bruce’s every whim.

Dick will fight with Bruce. He’ll stand up for himself or his siblings. But then his anger drains away like water in a colander, leaving him empty. He’s quick to fight, but pathologically quick to forgive. As soon as the fight is over, it just sort of drifts away.

I feel like Dick’s relationship with Bruce very much has a rhythm to it—high tide and low tide and then high tide again and then low tide again. A sort of inevitability that they’re both very aware of. And Dick doesn’t really stay mad at Bruce. He keeps leaving, but when he returns, it’s to help, with his previous grievances forgotten and unaddressed. Even after Bruce hit him over Jason’s death, he comes back without mentioning it to help. He fought Bruce over what he did to Jason, but was still there talking to Bruce as he pulled away and basically made Dick and Barbara the heads of the family. The strange thing is that Dick can hold grudges. But when it comes to Bruce, all that sort of just washes away. The tides again.

Why? Well, I have a theory about that. To some degree it’s subconscious, but people do have some control over their emotions. And staying mad often makes things really hard. For two reasons:

Sometimes, Dick’s relationship with Bruce is good. He doesn’t want to “ruin” it by focusing on Bruce’s past actions—ie: he wants to take advantage of what he knows will be temporary. And also, if Dick is too angry to enjoy the highs, then all he has left are the lows. So in order to get anything positive from interacting with Bruce, Dick has to push away his (100% valid) anger.

People don’t like when you’re angry at them. If Dick lets on that he’s still upset about something that Bruce considers to be in the past, let alone brings it up, the fragile success will be destroyed. And then it’ll be Dick’s fault for breaking the peace. So Dick needs to get really good at letting things go, or else he’ll just send things careening back into a fight, because Bruce leaves everything unresolved.

I’m not saying Dick is making an actual conscious calculation in his head where he goes “I need to stop being angry or else Bruce will hit me again.” But in general, I think that within the constraint of him not really being able to leave Bruce’s orbit, he developed the defense mechanism of pushing this away.

Over time, this becomes so ingrained that Dick literally can’t stay mad at Bruce.

I didn’t experience abuse, but after growing up constantly arguing with my mom I have trouble staying mad at people for any length of time—especially people who have said something hurtful to me. I will continue to act completely normally immediately after a really bad screaming match. Literally, tear tracks still on my face, back to normal interaction, what’s for dinner, here I’ll unload the dishwasher, etc. I’m not even pretending, I just. Literally don’t care anymore. My brain just whisks everything I’m upset about away and I can’t think about it while interacting with the person. Sometimes, depending on the situation, I can think about it at other times. But not when that person is in front of me. Something in my brain won’t let me.

And maybe it’s projection, but I feel like this matches up really well with Dick’s actions. He genuinely can’t stay mad at Bruce because he doesn’t let himself think of those grievances. All the horrible things Bruce has done to him are sectioned off into times when he’s fighting Bruce and forgotten when he’s on good terms with Bruce.

So in the context of therapy, he will genuinely believe it when he recants what he said about Bruce being awful. Because he’ll be calm (and maybe a bit numb) and look back at himself from a week ago and it’ll just be utterly incomprehensible. Why was he so mad anyway? It’s not a big deal. Whatever. It’s fine. He and Bruce are on great terms, no hard feelings! (He can’t have hard feelings, they’ve all just disappeared, and he’s glad of it, because Bruce made a joke during patrol today and that wouldn’t have happened if Dick was refusing to speak to him over something dumb.)

So, yeah. Dick’s anger at Bruce burns hot and then snuffs itself out. He would spend a therapy session crying about the abuse, and then come back the next week being like “oh that me wasn’t in his right mind, ignore it, I’m fine lol” and truly believe what he’s saying.

Oh. And in terms of disregarding his own feelings and believing that he’s completely unreliable when angry? Yeah, Bruce definitely taught him that. Whether through emotional abuse and repeated invalidation, Bruce saying that Dick is too angry for his opinions to have any weight, or just Batman constantly repeating that emotions make you too irrational. But I think Dick would consider anything he says when he’s angry to just be him acting irrationally. He could break down in therapy and say that Bruce is abusive and then just go “oh I was throwing words out there because I was upset, don’t trust whatever I said, Bruce definitely didn’t abuse me.” And then react completely calmly when the therapist asks him if each anecdote actually happened. Yes, Bruce hit him. Yes, Bruce spied on him. Yes, Bruce said that. But it’s all fine, what are you even talking about?

And I think the therapizing himself is a way to sort of skate over that gap in his emotions, because he doesn’t want to confront the fact that his brain is covering up large chunks of memory. So he doesn’t a brief analysis, thinks he’s dug into his brain fully, and then presents this “photocopy” Dick Grayson to the therapist. In his mind, he’s being completely honest. But by simply presenting everything to the therapist in the way he’s determined to be most truthful, he obscures all the messed-up thoughts that led him to that conclusion. It’s why you don’t have the overseers oversee themselves—they may produce a full report and believe it’s completely honest, but they’ll miss the things they don’t want to see.

So if Dick Grayson is going to successfully have therapy, then he should probably actually explain events instead of just presenting his self-psychoanalysis.

I think we all know that each and every one of the Batkids is on the verge of falling apart, constantly, just under the surface.

But I think there's something special about Dick Grayson when you think about him like this. Because generally, I think everyone expects the other batkids to be deranged and unstable, but Dick's general presentation to the outside world is as an easygoing dude. He probably seems like the most normal of the bunch.

But beyond even that, I think Dick thinks he's perfectly fine. Bro goes through life, constantly on the verge of breaking down, his mind consistently picking apart every single thing and every single person in his life, not really trusting anyone, and never really sleeping, and he's just like "Yeah, this is how life works."

Then he looks at all his siblings, and he's like, "Damn, look at how screwed up they are :(" and meanwhile he's 100% the worst of the bunch.

Barbara and Wally are the only people who are privy to this, I think.

[jjkarmy091]

Second Best- Jungkook (part 10)

Summary: Being friends with someone who has your heart it’s already hard, let alone when that special someone ends up falling in love with your best friend, the one you think would never make anything to hurt you . Will you be able to ignore it and move on? what will happen when everything gets too much for you to handle?

Genre: Friends to lovers; angst; body insecurities; bullying; friend betrayel;

Pairing: Jungkook x female!reader

Warning: strong language

Wordcount: 8.5k

Author's note: I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Give me your thoughts. I love you all !

P.S : I'm sorry for any mistakes. English is not my first language!

Y/n wasn't always insecure about herself. Early in life she was a lively, extroverted and free spirit person, but life is unfair and unpredictable. Having the trauma of seeing her father abandon her and her mother for another woman, saying she was the reason why he stopped loving and caring for her mom, left something inside her that it was never possible to mend no matter how hard she tried, making her more focused on studies and goals than boys and dating while growing up. For her, love was an illusion and she wouldn’t make the same mistake as her mother. 

Thinking about it now as she heads inside the apartment she shares with Lisa, she never gave anyone an opportunity, but as soon as she saw Jungkook she was drawn to him immediately without any explanation for it. Independence was her thing and she never thought she’d be capable of feeling the way she feels about him right now. Even if that meant that her friendship with Sewoon had to end. 

Looking back she knows Sewoon was never a good friend to her and she deserves better. Despite knowing their personalities were completely different from each other, Y/n accepted her anyway. After all, Sewoon had been her first friend, the first person to defend her when necessary and for that she was truly thankful for her. She also knew a little about her past and even though their priorities were different, they understood each other like that.  

Sewoon wanted to live life, have fun, go out, drink. Everything a teenager is supposed to do. She lost her virginity at 16 to a boy three years older than her who she met at a party. At the time Y/n asked her how was she able to do something so intimate with someone she had only known for a short time. Her best friend replied no one cared about that anymore. Truth to be told, after that she changed. A lot. Maybe that was when they started to drift apart a little bit. Y/n didn't like this change, not when she tried to do the same to her. Sewoon would share her experience regarding sex, how she did it, what she did and how good it felt. She was sexually active and made sure everyone knew about it, bothering Y/n. It was a subject that she didn't feel confident or comfortable talking about, however Sewoon pressured her to go the same path as her and that pissed Y/n off, but she would let it slide.

Maybe that was the main problem, letting it slide too muc. She never thought they would get to the point they are at today and that's sad. Now, Y/n was envious of all the experience she had acquired over the years, because with Jungkook it worked. He was so enthralled by Sewoon's beauty and comfort around guys, not to mention the way she won over boys, the subtle way of touching and talking to them when she tried to conquer them. Honestly, she admired the way she could make people who weren't interested in her focueds on her so quickly. Y/n knew she would never reach her feet in that way.  

Everything that happened today with Jungkook was just one more thing to confuse her. What if she was imagining things? As far as she knows he could flirt like this with everyone else. What if he thought she was easy just because she had feelings for him and he was in need of more than she could give him? She has known him long enough to know he wasn’t part like this but still... One never really knows someone, right? Sewoon is living proof of this.  

Walking in her room, Y/n went to change clothes and do her skin care, she had cried so much during the day that her eyes were swollen. She washed her face with cold water and dried it and putting a facial mask on. It was a very cold night but the moonlight helped to alleviate the darkness outside and she took advantage of being alone to go to the living room with her favourite book in hand, sitting in a chair next to the fireplace. The Y/n from a few days ago would be unable to tell Jungkook how she felt, yet both yesterday and today she had already confessed twice and had even confronted Sewoon. She never thought she would be able to raise her voice the way she did.

She somehow feels that Jungkook came into her life to break down all these walls around her heart with his sweet gaze and magnetic smile. She fell in love with him, but didn't have the courage to admit it (to him or herself), which ended up in her best friend dating him and yet she continued to desire him. Damn, she was so happy to know they had broken up, so she could rekindle her friendship with him and although knowing this was not something a good friend would do, at that moment Y/n doesn’t regret staying close to Jungkook, otherwise the moment they shared today wouldn't have happened at all. For that she also has Lisa to thank. God, she was very upset with her, but she ended up opening a path she never thought she would have with him. 

Suddenly, she heard the main door open, announcing Lisa's arrival. Lisa hadn't even noticed her since when she arrived it was all dark. When Lisa heard a voice calling her in the distance she screamed and now it was Y/n's turn to laugh. Lisa put her hands to her chest and threw her keys at her in protest. 

“You really scared the shit out of me Y/n. What the fuck are you doing with every light turned off? Are you a vampire and I didn’t notice it?” Lisa throws herself on the couch “Huuuuufff finally home! I've never had a day as long as this one. Meetings after meetings, just boring shit. How was your day? Was it a nightmare or a cool one?” Y/n gave a half smile  

"Initially it was shitty, but it ended pretty well" Lisa raised her head and made a suspicious face.  

“That means something did happen. Oh my god, is it Jungkook related?” 

“Yes and no” Lisa was confused. “Last night before going to sleep I sent a text to Sewoon, trying to talk to her about the things I found out on that trip regarding Tae, but she didn't give me an answer so I didn't think much about it anymore. Today, it was almost time for my break when I saw her come in. I told Sana that I was going outside and would be right back, but the conversation didn't go as I expected. She was horrible Lisa, she said tons of shit that affected me a lot. I never met this person before. I saw a person I didn't know existed.” 

“What did she tell you?” Lisa whispered and Y/n lowered her head, sighing. 

“She basically said that she was happy I had disappeared without telling anyone, that the only bad thing was that Jungkook was constantly wanting to know my whereabouts and not even with the pictures she showed him did he calm down. Ohh and that she prayed for news to arrive that something bad had happened to me. She also mentioned that I had stolen Tae from her and that she’d do everything to be with Jungkook, especially since they had already been together a few times, so she had no doubt that he would choose her over me. A bunch of shit.” 

“SHE SAID WHAT? God that girl needs a punch to bring her back to reality I swear the next time I see her I’m gonna end her. Who does she think she is f--” Y/n interrupted her  

“It’s okay Lisa. Actually, I need to thank her. After that, I was so upset that Sana told me to leave, I needed to clear my head and you were working so I decided to take a walk. Somehow, I ended up in front of Jungkook's workplace, he ended up seeing me and went after me and insisted on bringing me home, however, I told him I had to make a stop by La Dolce Perla and we ended up having dinner there. Although things were VERY tense at the beginning, by the end of the night I ended up letting some things out and he didn't judge me or anything, quite the opposite, he kept me calm and respected me. There was something in the air you know? Something that was pulling us closer to each other. We almost kissed” Lisa squealed in excitement but then stopped and made a funny face. 

“So why didn't you?” 

“I - I don’t know... I guess he noticed how nervous I was. We were saying goodbye and then he told me he’d wait for me. I don’t know what kind of waiting was he referring to but somehow that gave me comfort, but I’m not sure it’s a good thing, I mean it gives me hope for a future for us but with Sewoon in the picture I--” 

“Why don’t you talk to him about Sewoon? A real and open conversation where both of you get all the answers to your questions. You guys have a lot of connection, don’t miss that over misunderstandings.” Lisa said while hugging Y/n, excusing herself to get ready for bed. She had a very busy day in her company and she was wrecked. Y/n was tired too, so she went to her bedroom, did her routine and fell asleep, or at least she tried to. 

On the next day Sana wouldn’t be there so she’d be with the new guy. She never got to make a full shift with him and she was curious to see how it’d go. By the time her alarm went off Y/n was wide awake and ready to star her day. She had the weirdest yet the best dream ever. It was about Jungkook and she was enjoying it so much that when she woke up she cursed her neighbor for making so much noise at 08:15 a.m.  

She was going to make a double shift. She hated when her boss asked her favors like these but she really needed the money, that’s what kept her going. Getting there she saw Namjoon cleaning tables. Sana wouldn’t stop gushing over him, how cute he looked or how mature he was for someone his age. Even though Sana didn't have the courage to admit her feelings for him (yet, according to her) there was a palpable chemistry between them. The few moments that Y/n witnessed, made her think about her example, how much she thought she and Jungkook understood each other until Sewoon appeared. The day was passing by very peacefully. Right now there were only two customers so she and Namjoon took the opportunity to get some things done earlier. While at it, they got to know each other better and when they finished what they were doing, they ended up engaging in a deep conversation.

Okay, she had to agree with Sana, he had a great view on life and knew a lot for a 20-year-old. They were so absorbed in their conversation they didn't even notice the arrival of a new customer. Hearing the chirping of a throat in order to draw the attention of the two of them, Y/n was surprised to see Jungkook there with a look she couldn’t describe. Namjoon must have felt the weight of Jungkook’s eyes on him because he used some lame excuse to get out of there as soon as possible, leaving her alone with him.

“Jungkook, hi! I – I wasn't expecting to see you here at this time of the day. Usually you come a little later... Is everything okay?” Jungkook took a whole minute to respond, glancing between her and the door Namjoon had «escaped»

“Yes, everything’s fine. I hmmm- I was around and I-- I know it's almost your lunch time so I passed by to see if you wanted to have lunch with me.” He looks at Namjoon when he sees him walking out with some boxes. “But if you’re busy yo-” 

“Imnotbusyatall” she answered so quickly Jungkook didn’t understand a thing so she had to repeat herself, calmer this time. “Sorry. I meant to say I’m not busy. I have two hours for lunch since I'm working double shifts today. I just wasn’t expecting to see you so... early. I mean, for someone who usually shows up around 9pm, it's quite surprising” She smiled, turning her attention to the door, only to see Namjoon walk in again looking at her and Jungkook. He gave her a thumbs up, she flipped him off surreptitiously. Jungkook, on the other hand, was paying attention to all these actions. He's never seen this guy before, maybe he didn’t pay much attention to him. They seemed to have hit off pretty nice and for some reason he didn't like that at all. 

“I finished the morning session earlier than expected so I Ieft early as well. It's 10 minutes to 1 pm, can I stay here waiting for you or do you think you’ll have problems with that guy?”  

“With Namjoon? Naah, he’s cool. I'll just tell him to come replace me so I can change clothes and we can go. I’ll be right back.” As said, Y/n went to warn Namjoon and went towards the locker room. She left after 5 minutes, seeing Jungkook waiting for her near the exit. Weird, he usually used to wait for her at the counter where she and Sana usually stay, where Namjoon currently is as well.  

“Why are you waiting here? It’s not your normal spot you know? Joon won’t bite you for standing there” Y/n said laughing while approaching Jungkook. Seeing her, he adjusted his coat and smiled, opened the door motioning for her to go through it first, leaving behind her.

“I didn't like him, that's all, so I preferred to wait here. Besides, I didn't want to cause trouble. "

"Why would you cause trouble? It's not like this is the first time you've come in here or waited for me to leave. And what do you mean you didn't like him? Do you know each other by any chance? Where's the Jungkook who says we shouldn't judge a book by it's cover?” Y/n was teasing him and he knew it, answering with a little shut up. About five minutes away down the road there was a small burger place. It wasn't the first time they went there to eat, she loved the burgers there and the space was heaven. When they sat down, the waiter took their order and went to get their drinks, returning two minutes later. They both said thank you, giving some sips on their coca cola’s. Jungkook broke off the silence first.

“So..you and the new guy seemed pretty close. Cool guy hm?”  

“His name is Namjoon and yes we got along quite well. You wanna know a fun fact? it was our first day working together officially. He started when I was on vacation and he’s been doing more day shifts with Sana. But yeah, he’s pretty nice. I was surprised, he’s younger than us but he’s pretty mature for his age and he made me laugh a lot today. It made my double shift a lot easier.” 

“Ohhh”. Jungkook gave a few sips on his drink. “Glad it only took him a few minutes for you to be able to feel comfortable with him. It took me ages for you to look at my face. No one would tell it was your first time working together. You must have really liked him” Was he jealous?

“There’s nothing going on between us if that’s what you’re trying to know.” Jungkook chocked on his drink and tried to look everywhere but her. “We made a great team today but that’s it. He’s not my type. Besides, Sana has a crush on him. I’d never do that to a friend of mine”. Jungkook understood the hint. When he was about so speak, the waiter came with their orders. He waited for him to leave again so he could say what he wanted. 

“I’m sorry” Y/n frowned. 

“Sorry? What for?”

"It was bad of me to come between you and Sewoon. It's a long story and I have to tell you all about it, but at the same time I want to respect your space and time. I should have talked to you as soon as I realized something was going on, but I was confused and--”  Y/n interrupted him.

“Were you happy? While you were with Sewoon I mean. Did she make you feel happy?” For the first time Jungkook didn't know what to answer because he genuinely didn't know. Looking back, he knows he was never in love with her, it was just a momentary thing. He realized this too late and now he’s paying for it. Y/n noticed his discomfort so she changed the subject. “This place is without a doubt the one with the best burgers. This is my second favorite place, I really enjoy coming here and this is sooooo good or maybe it's just me being so hungry.” She said, laughing at her own words. Jungkook laughed too. One of the things he never felt with Sewoon: lightness and tranquility. With her, everything was always a competition and based on image. Very controlled, very fake, very rehearsed.

During their meal, they talked about basic things related to life, work and dreams, ordered dessert and drank coffee. Jungkook paid their meals and even though Y/n refused he didn't listen, telling her to pay next time. When they got outside, Jungkook took out a cigarette and stayed like that, grabbing it. Y/n looked at him with a questioning face. 

"How come I didn’t know you smoked? I mean every time we went out I never noticed. I was so surprised to see you smoking the other day” 

"And you said you hadn't noticed me." He said laughing. "I don't smoke much, usually after coffee or when I'm nervous/anxious. I've always tried not to smoke around you because I know you don't like the smell, so I avoid it." 

"Is that why you haven't lit your cigarette yet?" Jungkook looked at the hand that had the cigarette between his fingers. "Maybe" he said wrinkling his nose, looking at her with those sweet bambi eyes. God help her because she can't stay away from this man much longer. During their way back to her work she expected him to light the cigarette, but at no point did he do so. She even told him that if he needed to smoke to do it, that she didn't have to be an obstacle simply because she didn't like it, to which he replied that there were priorities and at that moment smoking wasn't one of them. She didn't say anything back but Jungkook noticed the blush on her cheeks and the shy smile on her face.  

“I wasn’t happy” Y/n looked at him wondering what he meant by that. He keeps talking. “You asked me if I was happy with Sewoon and my answer is no. Everything was a facade between us and now I can see how dumb I was to call it love. There were no feelings between us, only physical attraction and illusions. I know I messed up bad by getting together with her Y/n and I wish I could take it back. Even though I didn’t know your feelings for me but it was wrong and you have no idea how bad I feel for hurting you, even without meaning to. I’m truly deeply sorry.” Y/n felt so bad for him. It was a mix of emotions and she just wanted to comfort him so she stopped walking, grabbed his arm and pulled him towards her, hugging him tight, whispering

"You're not to blame for anything. If anything I'm to blame because I was the one who didn't speak up." He moved away a little, although they were very close. "We don't control our feelings. It's not your fault that I fell in love with you just as it's not your fault that you felt something for Sewoon, just as I don't blame her for having something with you even though she knew about my feel--” She stopped talking when she saw his shocked face. His face changed drastically when she said Sewoon knew about her feelings, he was angry and you could see it. “Why are you looking at me like that?”  

“Sewoon knew? She knew and you still insisted on pushing her to me?!” He was mad. 

“What was I supposed to do? You’re my best friend and I was afraid of ruining it with you, then you wanted to meet her and I just couldn’t say no. I knew you two were perfect for each other. I- I didn’t want to be selfish- I -” 

“FOR ONCE Y/n. Just for once you should’ve been selfish! Do you have any idea of how hard this has been for me? just to know that you were the one who gave me to her just like that? Was I not enough for you, was that it?” 

“Jungkook, no... Wh- What are you saying? I was the one that wasn’t enough for YOU. That’s why I introduced you to her.” At this point Jungkook had already moved away quite a bit, running his hands through his hair.  

“You were more than enough Y/n. You just didn't bother to face what was in front of you. Why do you want everything to be given to you? Is it really that hard for you to take control of your life for once? You would’ve avoided so many things Y/n. But you know what? I'm glad it was this way, maybe you and I weren't meant to be after all and we’re just realizing this now.” He sighed. “C’mon, I need to go and you have to go work as well. 

The last minutes felt like hours. Y/n hadn't realized how things had gotten to that point, it wasn't possible to understand. She thought it was unfair that he was blaming her for not opening up, even though he was upset, but even so. When they arrived Y/n grabbed his arm once more. 

“Jungkook, you can’t leave like this. You can’t drive being all raged up right now. Talk to me, please. I know I should’ve been more honest about things but I was scared and- and it’s not like you gave me any signs of any feelings either. I wanted you to be happy desp-” he released himself from her grip.

“I did gave you signs Y/n! I fucking did!That's why I'm so messed up. I - The only reason why I approached Sewoon in the first place was to have a reaction from you and to know things I knew I couldn't ask you directly.” It was Y/n’s turn to be shocked. What? “I know you avoid relationships and everything related to boys because you’re scared. If I told you how I felt or what I wanted I was scared you'd run away from me like you always do so I kept giving you signs Y/n but I had no reaction from you at all. I knew who Sewoon was from some pictures on your Instagram so when I challenged you to introduce me to her I was testing waters, however, your indifference remained there. It's not just my fault. I took you on dates and you would dismiss it, saying it was just two best friends hanging out. I left work every day and waited for you every day. In my free time I would come here to keep you company and be close to you while I sketch things that I could easily do at home. I have a cafe in front of my store and yet I’m- Always- Here- You can't be that oblivious Y/n. You were the one to put a label on us every goddamn time! You say you’re in love with me? No Y/n you’re not, otherwise you wouldn’t have given up so damn fast and give me to your best friend like a damn trophy the moment she asked. Hurts to know that I didn't deserve a second thought.” Y/n could only look at him. He looked so damn honest and he was so disappointed in her. There was hurt all over his face and that was killing her. She wanted to say something but she couldn’t so she did what she always does: let him go. 

She shouldn't have let him go. The rest of the day was fulfilled with anxiety and guilt. Every day she discovered new things and every time she thought her and Jungkook were stepping forward, they took five steps back. She was ruining everything good she had ever dreamed of with her cowardice and lack of communication. She should've gone after him, yet pride got the best of her.

Like always. 

After the argument he got in the car and left. At first she tried not to think about it too much, but then she felt the guilt consume her. When she was alone with just a few clients, she sent several texts to Jungkook, apologizing for the way things happened, for them to talk and clear things up once and for all.

No response.

Lisa was going to spend the night out, so once again she found herself alone in that giant apartment. Without thinking she called Jungkook, going straight to voicemail all the six times she tried. The only positive thing was that the next day it'd be her day off and she’d try to talk to Jungkook and clear things up.

Hopefully

The next day Y/n woke up with a huge weight beside her bed. When she opened her eyes she saw Lisa looking at her with a smile from ear to ear.

"Good morning, sunshine. I'm going to do something crazy and I want you to come with me. Hurry up, get even more pretty and let's go. If I’m late and loose my turn I'm going to kill you.”  

That's what consisted being friends with Lisa: waiting for her to wake her up at 9:30 in the morning for something that had popped into her mind out of pure spontaneity was just an example of it. She was adventurous and left nothing undone or unsaid because, according to her, you only live once and she would rather regret what she didn't do than everything she tried and failed at.

That's how at 10 in the morning Y/n found herself in front of the tattoo shop where Jungkook works. The only thing she wanted to do was turn around and leave. Gosh, he's been ignoring her attempts to contact him, how could she just walk in there like nothing was happening? She remembers talking to Lisa about getting tattoos. She never had courage for it, besides, Sewoon would tell her all the time they wouldn't suit her, thus she gave up of the idea. Lisa encouraged her, saying that when she did hers Y/n would do it too, but now, her stomach was churning and it seemed like the only thing that was going to come out was vomit. When they arrived at the entrance Y/n stopped. 

“I can’t go in with you. I’m sorry” 

“What do you mean you can’t? You can’t leave me alone at it. Also, I booked you a session so you have to show up.” Lisa said innocently.  

“You knew Jungkook works here, didn't you? You little bi--” 

“Hey hey hey. There’s no time for that my friend. We're about to get hotter and have something marked on us. Let’s go.” She was fucked.   Lisa linked her arm with her and they walked inside. It was a very peaceful place, with drawings on display, music playing and a diffuser. Of course. Jungkook was addicted to smells and very weird about them too.

The first person they saw was the red-haired lady Y/n had seen close to Jungkook the other day. Seen up close, she was even more stunning. Since Lisa was the one scheduling the session, the red-haired who introduced herself as Athena went to talk to Lisa to see what was she interested in. As she talked to her about the type of tattoo she wanted, presenting some sketches too for her to choose, Y/n looked around, praying she wouldn't see Jungkook while being there. 

“What about you? What kind of design did you think of?” She asked Y/n, giving her a genuine smile. "First time? You don't have to stress about it honey, it's most likely for you not to feel a thing"

“Ohh I didn’t think of anything... You see I was totally caught up on this. I didn't know I was coming so I didn'--- "

“Her idea was to make a semicolon on her wrist. Something simple. Y/n, babe, we talked about this. You’re not gonna chicken out right?” Y/n looked at her friend and her answer shocked herself more than anyone else in the room. “Okay. Yes you’re right Lisa. I’m already here so why not?” Lisa opened her mouth, closing it up immediately, smiling. Change comes with little steps. 

One step at a time

Athena showed Lisa some ideas until she finally chose what she liked the most. She was getting a sternum tattoo and the sketch Athena did was a piece of art, all those lines and details were just too perfect. She then excused herself to pick something up, disappearing for about 2 minutes, that's all it took for disaster to happen. While they were waiting for her to return they saw Jungkook walk through the door with two coffees. As he placed them on a small table in the entrance, Y/n realizes he didn't see them there, at least not until Athena returned to the room and spoke to him, causing him to look up where they were standing.

"Yooh Jkaay I'm glad you got here. Can you finish this design for me? I have these two pretty ladies here and the client will come by later to see if the drawing is ready but there are some parts I'm having trouble getting right, can you help me with this?” As soon as Jungkook looked up, he met Y/n's gaze, which was already focused on him. He had no reaction. “Hey lover boy. I know they’re pretty but I’m kinda waiting for an answer here” 

“Hmmm.. Oh yeah- yes. You can leave it there I’ll be sure to give it a look.” his gaze was intense as it met yours but didn't say anything, as if he didn't know you. Athena thanked him and directed the two of them to a large room. While her friend took her shirt off and laid down on her back, Athena settled everything on the sterilized table. Y/n was inspecting the drawings on the wall, realizing Jungkook's signature on the end of all of them. After placing the artwork where Lisa wanted Athena grabbed the tattoo machine, filling the room with the sounds the needles working and Y/n got scared. She was sure that was gonna hurt. 10 minutes in there's a knock on the door. After Athena replied, Jungkook walked in the room with what Y/n thought was the drawing she asked him to check. 

“This is fantastic Kook. If the idiot doesn't like it I'll have it myself. It's incredible." Jungkook smiled and looked at Y/n and then at Athena again. "This is going to be a lot of work Ath. It's full of details and has such a thin line. You have to be careful not to smudge as you clean it." 

"I know, I hadn't realized that. It's going to be a challenge but it'll look cool on her body. I still have her friend to tattoo but that’s something small and quick.”  Jungkook looked at her way.

“I can do it. I’m free and won’t have any client until noon.” Y/n froze in the moment. No fucking way. 

"I can wait. It's okay, really." Jungkook looked at her, picked up some still-closed material and opened the door. "Come on, I'll take care of it." And for a second, Y/n didn't know how to breathe anymore

Jungkook was waiting for her to follow him. When he noticed she wasn't moving at all he called out for her name again. Unconsciously, Y/n ended up getting up and going after him but she didn't leave without looking at the place Athena and Lisa were, noticing the strange expression Athena made. Had Jungkook ever mentioned her?

He went ahead, taking her to a more private room which was on the first floor. It was quite far from all the other rooms and common area. When they arrived there, he motioned for her to sit in front of what she assumed was Jungkook's desk. There were photos of several people, she doesn’t remember meeting any of them until one got her attention: it was a picture of Jungkook and Sewoon together. He was wearing white and she was wearing a black dress. She remembers this day very well- It was in the beginning of their relationship and Sewoon was having a party with her agency and Jungkook was her date, they were both so pretty and cuddly and looked so into each other. Jungkook was treating her like a princess and it was the first time Y/n felt anger towards her best friend. She cried all night after getting home, spying Sewoon's instagram and all the love-dovey pics she was posting. What a night

He sat on the chair in front of Y/n, behind his desk to sketch what she wanted to tattoo when he noticed where her eyes were wandering at, grabbing the picture and putting it in a drawer. She didn’t say anything, looking everywhere but him. 

“According to Athena you wanted just a simple semicolon on your wrist, right? So I did sketch want you wanted but added something more. If you don’t like it or want it you can say it and I'll do just what you initially wanted okay?” Jungkook showed her a design of a semicolon with a butterfly wing around it. It was honestly so beautiful. She remembers saying to him one time she identified herself as a butterfly, because no matter the situation she was going through she could always adapt herself and learn from it. Did he remember that?

“I- I love it Jungkook. This is so pretty and personal, I- Thank you, this is amazing. I’ll have it that way”  

“Are you sure? It’s gonna be there forever” 

“I’m 100% sure. Start this before I lose my courage” Jungkook gave her a nod, taking the paper and putting it on her skin with some wet liquid. He could tell she was nervous so he told her when he was about to start. “If you need me to stop let me know. We have time okay?” Y/n nodded  

“You have amazing sketches here. Not that I didn't know but you're super talented, I feel grateful that it’s you doing this on me. When you become a world-renowned artist I'm gonna brag about it, I’m already warning you.” After their fight yesterday, Y/n was trying to ease the tension between them but he was making it hard. She missed Jungkook and wanted to clear things up with him. She was done with all the confusion and misunderstandings, however, Jungkook remained in silence. “Please Jungkook I’m trying. I miss you. I miss us. I don’t even understand what happened yesterday and I’m sorry for hurting you in any way. I’m tired of this! You're driving me crazy by leaving me in this void. I'm not like this Jk, you know it. I don't care about boys but just the thought of losing you is killing me. That's the effect you have on me!”  He wasn’t paying attenton to her at all, or maybe he was just ignoring her on purpose, either ways she was getting more and more frustrated and did her best to keep her tears to herself since she couldn't get out of there. With her free hand, she surreptitiously wiped her eyes with her shirt sleeve. What she didn’t know was that Jungkook was paying attention to all her movements.

“I’m sorry. I talk a lot with my clients for them to relax a bit but with you... I feel like if I talk I'm not gonna be able to concentrate and I don’t want to mess this up. You make me nervous just with your presence. That's the effect you have on me Y/n. When it comes to you I can't separate things”  

"I could’ve waited for Athena to do it. Actually I think it’d be better, given the situation we are at right now. Damn Jungkook I put my guard down for you and now you're treating me like this, what for? You criticize me for avoiding things, yet you're doing the exact same thing, it's not fair. You can't say whatever you want, make me feel bad and then do the same to me. I know I messed up somewhere. I know I should've been braver, but you are such a special and necessary part of my life that I was afraid of you not feeling the same way, could break everything we built so far, which is stupid right now because that's exactly what happened. There is no way we can go back to what we were before” By the time she ended her speech, Jungkook was already putting the final touches on the tattoo, being done with it. Both of them remained silenced until he had picked up the tattoo protection to place it around her skin. 

“Let’s do it then. Let’s put everything on the table and be honest because honestly I can’t handle this anymore too. Where do you want me to start? From the day we first met? I had the shittiest day ever it was raining so much. That’s what made me stop at the coffee shop. Then you looked absolutely gorgeous standing there looking at me and when you noticed I was staring back and pretended to have lost an earring, that caught my attention, how innocent and naive you looked. Then I started to get to know you better and it was it for me. It was so hard not to fall for you. I kept taking you out to places but you always friendzoned me somehow, I would tell you about non existing dates to see your reaction but you always had the same posture, I came to terms that it was a one-sided thing. Then Sewoon happened. When you introduced us, honestly I was very straightforward with her. I asked her about you, if you liked someone if you ever talked about me, you know, something to give me hope. But the answers she gave me weren’t the ones I expected to hear and I was so disappointed.” Y/n's system was soon on alert.  

“What- - What did she tell you?”  Jungkook took a while to answer which was making her impatient. She was about to lose her mind.  

“She told me you were seeing someone and it was getting serious. That she was sorry but wouldn’t get in the way. After that, we kept talking a little more and when I was about to leave she was the one asking me to go out with her. Just a simple date so I said yes, maybe that would help me take my mind of you.  Then things happened and time skipped and we broke up and yeah I didn’t take that well because no one likes to feel they failed at something, but I’m so glad we did. We didn’t align in anything, we fought a lot behind doors. Then came the party you and Sewoon went. I was already there remember? You looked so sad and the first thing I remembered was the guy you were supposed to be seeing. I was hoping you were long gone with the dude but the way you were acting and how you were talking to me ended up confirming Sewoon’s words about you and that special someone and I--- I lost my mind.”  

“So you ended up kissing Sewoon to relieve all that anger, right?”  She got up and slowly turned her way towards the door when Jungkook grabbed her arm.

“That was a terrible mistake. As soon as I realized what I did I stepped back immediately. After that I looked everywhere for you, but I didn’t found you. When I did, you told me you were leaving with someone and that was it. I tried talking to you all night but your phone was either out of reach or you wouldn’t respond.”  There's this awkward silence until one of them spok again.

“That night broke me Jungkook. You broke me. I was there, I was hurt and you noticed something was up but all your eyes were looking at was Sewoon. I wished so many times it was me you were kissing, holding, touching. I'd see you with her and all I imagined was us. That was so toxic of me, that's why I left, because I couldn't see you leave with her knowing the next day I'd know everything about it."

They didn't realize how close they were until they felt each other's breath hitting their faces. Y/n doesn't know when things changed, but since the night at the restaurant there is something that pushes them towards each other. She gets a strange feeling in her belly, in her chest… down there. It's strange, she never felt something like this for anyone and it was confusing her. She knows if he asked her something she'd do it on the spot. It seems like Jungkook could feel the tension either because the hand that was previously on her arm was now around her waist, while the other caressed the right side of her face tucking some hair behind her ear. It was then that she felt the distance between them getting shorter and shorter, when all of a sudden they heard someone knock on the door, opening it, revealing Athena's slightly confused figure.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt, I heard voices and came to check if you were okay, as it's not usual for you to bring anyone here. I-- hmm- just wanted to let you know that I finished Lisa's piece and we're downstairs drinking some coffee and talking in case you'd want to join us when you finished whatever you were.... doing, but no pressure, make yourself comfortable, I didn't see anything. Use protection, okay? You still have a life to enjoy before any surprises." Jungkook made a desperate sound looking at Athena and throwing something at her

"Don't be an idiot, it's not what it looks like and you know it. Anyone hearing you talk would think you see me doing a lot of dirty things here. Work is work and I take it very seriously." Jungkook paused, glacing at Y/n, just to speak again. " We'll meet you downstairs in 10 minutes, I just need to finish explaining how she should handle this in the next few days." Athena hummed, giving them a nod before leaving. However, they heard her tell Lisa that - they were busy and would probably take longer to joy them- They knew she spoke loud for them to hear. Jungkook went to a drawer and took out a cream, handing it to Y/n.

"For the next three days you must avoid direct sunlight on the area. This protection should last for 24 hours, then you can remove it in the shower or by wetting the area with warm water, drying it well and applying the cream two or three times a day. If you feel any itching, that's normal, but if you see red spots around it let me know so I can check it out. But in principle, everything should be fine." Y/n nodded and thanked him, grabbing her wallet, heading towards the door but stopped halfway and turned around, facing Jungkook.

"Did you sleep with Sewoon here?"those words came out faster than Y/n could control. Why the hell did she ask that. Jungkook wasn't expecting that either, because his mouth opened and closed several times, not knowing what to answer, a little embarrassed. This gave Y/n a feeling that maybe the answer was yes. "Never mind, sorry, I don't know why I asked this. Forget it." She turned around again ready to open the door. She was about to do so when a hand above her head slammed the door shut again with a bang.

"Why do you always put me in difficult positions? It's past and - aiish- No Y/n, I didn't. This is my office, my space, my privacy, I don't bring anyone for anything more than work, not even Sewoon. This wasn't exactly the space she liked to frequent the most" Y/n nodded.

"I don't know why I asked, I'm sorry. Being here knowing that you and her were- you know- that would be just weird and gross. I mean, who knows what kind of "things" would be around here and-- Okay, nevermind. How about we go down? They're waiting for us and will start thinking stuff about us being here."

"So? Let them think what they want to think.. I'm not bothered at all. Are you?" When Y/n was about to answer, the door opened without warning revealing an excited Athena again, but she didn't realize that when she opened the door she had hit Y/n with it. "Shit Ath be careful. Knock before coming in. Jesus"

"Dude, I don't know what the situation is between you two, but behind the door is definitely not the best place. Been there, done that. It's interesting but not comfortable. Also, why are you so bothered by the knocking thing all of a sudden? That was never a rule. Just put something on the door handle to when you're busy doing other things. That's what I do with your broth-"

"Aiiiishh Athena. I'm not really interested in what you and my brother do or don't do, How disgusting. We were just talking! Stop being nosy and up on my ass. What's the matter with you today? why are you always coming here thought? You never care when I’m upstairs”

“Well you’re always by yourself, there’s nothing for me to pry on. Either way, I came here to tell you that the client you had for noon called to inform he’s no longer able to come. His wife went into labour, so you’re free for now”

“Well at least is for some good reasons. I’ll call him up later to reschedule.” Athena would steal glances from Jungkook to Y/n with a funny look, trying to see something she could pick up to tease them more “Anyway, I think I’ll grab lunch with Lisa. She’s pretty rad. Do you wanna come?” It was Y/n’s turn to speak

“I actually have some things to get done, but you go and have fun. Maybe we can grab a coffee later?” All she wanted was to run. After that stupid question she made she just wanted somewhere to hide.

“Of course, just give me your number. It’ll be easier” they both switched numbers and Athena gave a final goodbye to her, giving her a hug and winking to Jungkook, whispering behave before shutting the door completely. What the hell.

“So... The girls are leaving and you probably have things to do too so I should get going as well. I have to meet up with Joon, he asked me if I could stop by so hmmm, yeah. Thanks for your time. If - if I have any questions I’ll pass by. Thank you once again." This was her cue to leave. Uttering those words she was out of the door, running down the stairs getting closer and closer to the main door but when she reached it, it was locked.

Goddamn it!

She was thinking about calling Lisa to turn around and wait for her when she heard footsteps behind her. She didn't dare to look back but in question of minutes she felt Jungkook's chest against her back, hearing him whisper

"Why are you always in such a rush when it comes to me? What are you so afraid of?" Jungkook turned her around to face him. "Let yourself go Y/n. For me, for you, for us. We've been over the friendship thing for a while now, don't you think? No matter how much you try to deny it, the attraction is here" He was so close to her she could feel his heartbeat.

"I can't" She whispered. "Everytime I look at you I get myself reminded of how you used to be with Sewoon. There was her before me and I can't compare. I can't erase that image of my head. I- I want to forget, but I can't"

"I'll help you forget. Let me help you forget, but mainly let me show you how there's no comparison between you and her" They were so close and there was so much desire so she let herself go and feel all she wanted, grabbing Jungkook by the hem of his grey shirt and closing the distance between them. The response to the kiss was automatic. Y/n felt Jungkook kiss her back as if he had already been waiting for this moment. Slowly at first, like they were testing each other, until he slowly pushed her against the door, placing his hand behind her neck, deepening the kiss. She never had a kiss like that. At this point she felt the entire zoo inside her and she was aware of everything around her: of how Jungkook's hands were hovering over her body, how their mouths were thirsty for each other, the way their bodies were so close yet so far.

It was just them and their desire for each other. And at that moment that was all that mattered.

Bonus: The famous tattoos made

Lisa’s OC'S

You're welcome ;)

Tags: @esposadomd @joonlover1207 @eegyo @furrywonderlandwolf @minghaosimp @differentrunawayperson @nikkinikj @jksusawife @jk97bam @cryingoverpixelsetc @bhonbhon @lostinneocity @almostpurplelady @meowforluv @imagine-this-motherfucker @jk-190811 @cryingoverpixelsetc @11thenightwemet11 @rinkud @ayatie97 @jk-190811 @shaku1995 @blueberriesm @darkangelfei

[divinedelusional]

tons of sex - jack schlossberg

jack schlossberg x fem reader

synopsis: it's been a while for reader and jack sooo they finally get down to it

warnings: smut so minors dni!! 18+ oral f receiving, vaginal sex, slightly sub jack

a/n: that was my first attempt at writing smut and first fic for jack too, inspired by this, obvi

You woke up to a smell of freshly brewed coffee. You hugged the pillow and opened one eye noticing that Jack wasn't by your side, but he appeared soon with a mug of coffee and a tray with food for you.

"You look so beautiful, honey" he said putting coffee and tray aside and gave you a slow kiss.

You indeed look amazing. Morning sun illuminating your frame covered in milky white sheets.

"Hey" you said looking at him with adoration. "Up so soon?" you asked taking a glass of orange juice he handed to you.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I couldn't reschedule the meeting, I forgot to tell you. But it won't be long I'm just meeting this guy about a podcast I agreed to do"

You smiled at him as he kept going.

"But after that I'm all yours. It's a little make up for it" he added pointing to the tray with your food. He made you an avocado toast with beacon on a side and an egg.

"It's great Jack, thank you so much" you said lifting yourself to kiss him. When you pulled you touched a small earring on his left ear.

"I still can't believe you pierced your ears" you chuckled.

"You like it babe?"

"Mhmm of course, you look hot as fuck"

You guys didn't see each other for the day, as Jack went out of town and you had been busy the day before. He came home on the evening when you were already half asleep. You greeted him and saw the earrings and wanted to wait for him, but you were asleep like a baby when he came from the shower.

"Would show you how much I like 'em babe, but what can I do if you're leaving me for a morning" you sighed dramatically.

"Then I'll make sure this meeting goes fast because holy shit..." he kissed you. "I want you so bad you have no idea" he kissed you again, slipping his tounge into your mouth. You almost moaned but didn't wanted to rile him up and make him late.

"Easy easy, we'll have a whole day once you're back" you chuckled.

Jack sighed and smiled at you, kissing your forehead quickly and got up from the bed.

You were eating your delicious breakfast and when he was already bundled up for nyc's cold weather he called to you.

"Bae you know what?? I haven't show my new look to the world yet"

He already posted a tiktok he recorded couple days ago, coming back from his break from social media.

"Well, give the people what they want hm?" you told him.

You saw him quickly checking himself in the mirror and then he pressed record.

"Soo basically I pierced both my ears andd" you heard him talking to the camera "I look like I've had a ton of sex in my life"

You were glad he stopped recording bc you snorted at the last part.

"What?" he asked

"Nothing babe, go you're gonna be late" you said laughing.

God, this man, you thought. He was unbelievable sometimes, but one thing you knew, you'll make sure he'd have sex today. A lot.

You've been reading your book, patiently waiting for your boyfriend. You couldn't focus on the plot as once again your thoughts drifted to the things you wanted to do with Jack. You haven't had sex for almost a week now. Both of you had really busy schedule and then Jack went to Boston. He was feeling down lately with the whole shutting down JFK's library thing. You loved how passionate he was with serving his country but you wished he could relax more. You were there for him of course, comforting him and he was so grateful for that.

But you felt like you both needed different kind of relaxation now. And God, you couldn't wait for it. You felt a growing need in you lower stomach, putting a hand over your mound and pressing lightly. You wanted to put your fingers into your cunt but decided not to. You and Jack didn't have this rule that you couldn't touch yourselves without the other, but you just wanted to wait for him. You could make yourself cum, but you were too needy today. You just knew your fingers wouldn't be enough to satisfy you. You wanted your man's cock. Badly. You wanted him to fuck you so deep you'd see a bulge in your belly.

"Oh fuck" you moaned at the thought and you knew your pussy was already soaked.

Just then you heard keys in the door and sighed with relief. Your torture was bout to end. You heard Jack taking of his shoes and water running as he washed his hands in the bathroom.

"Hi" you said when you came to him, wrapping your hands around his waist.

"Hi" he said, turning around and he pecked your lips. You didn't let him go as you sucked on his tounge. He let out a small moan and opened his mouth wider for you. Still in his embrace you pushed his chest and you walked to the kitchen, while kissing, well more likely licking all over your lips.

"Are you hungry?" you asked, pressing your hips to Jack's.

"Mhm" his voice an octave lower "not for food tho" he said and picked you up, turning around and sitting you on a kitchen island. You squealed at his action and sensation of a cold marble under your thighs. He kissed you, less sloppy this time, and you spread your legs wider when he moved to your neck.

"Jack" you moaned, when he sucked a hickey on your neck, licking over his piece of work.

"As much as I would love to fuck you here..." he said, voice muffled when he started to kiss the other side of your neck, massaging your left boob. "...i can't have my girl sore so early" he took your shorts of when he said that. "My, my what do we have here?" his eyes widened at the sight of a wet spot on your panties, one of his favorite pairs. It was thong made of cotton, burgundy red shade, with lace hugging your hip bones.

"Baby..." you whined quietly when Jack traced his finger over your clothed pussy.

"What honey? Don't be shy, what do you want me to do?"

"Jack, please, do whatever you want to do with me, please, I can't wait anymore"

"Oh baby, I don't wanna torture you. I missed this tight pussy so much. What was that, like four days I haven't felt her?" he was kneeling down, taking off your panties.

"Five"

He started by kissing your ankle, going up with his feather light kisses. He reached your thighs and wanted to tease you a little bit longer but his mind went blank when he was met with the sight of your glistening cunt and her delicious smell. His head empty, only a primal need and hunger left in.

"Fuckin shit, I can't wait any fucking longer" he panted and dived in.

He held your thighs in place, tho he knew he's going to let them go in a minute and let you crush his head with 'em. Usually he started slowly, giving kitten licks to your clit, teasing a finger at your entrance, but he was hungry today and he wanted to take what was his.

His tounge pushed through your folds, going straight for your hole. He pushed it as deep as he could, without a warning and you pulled his hair immediately.

"Oh my fucking... god, Jack please" you moaned. You loved when he tounge fucked your pussy. He would have the stupidest shit eating grin on his face if he wasn't thrusting his tounge in and out of you with such force.

God, his tounge will hurt, you thought to yourself, though you couldn't care much, when your boyfriend was making you feel like this. You were already getting close, to fast for your liking, but you knew you couldn't blame yourself. You pussy was starving for attention and your boyfriend was always so fucking good with his mouth. You were about to tell him that you're gonna cum, when his tounge slid out of you. You wanted to protest, but in the blink of an eye you felt a whole different sensation when Jack had spit directly onto your clit. High pitched whine escaped your throat and you buried your fingers deeper in Jack's hair. His mouth instantly went back to your pussy, his tounge danced on your clit, giving it just the right amount of pressure. He knew you were seconds away from cumming when your nails scratched his scalp harder than before. You were a mess above him and you screamed his name, when with one final flick of his tounge you came all over his face. He lapped at your spasming hole and his nose was pressing against your sensitive bud.

"Jack, Jack, stop, I can't anymore..." you whined and he listened to your pleas and stopped the assault on your pussy.

He lifted himself up, positioning his body between your legs. You were propped up on your elbows and were looking at his face soaked with your juices, when he leaned in.

"Taste yourself, pretty girl" he murmured, before pressing his lips to yours. Your mouth opened right away, letting him in. You kissed so agonizingly slow, but you loved when he got sloppy with his kisses, like he didn't want to leave any part untouched.

Kisses might have been slow, but movements of his hips were getting faster with each second. Suddenly you became aware of your boyfriend's raging erection, grinding on your wet pussy.

"Jack, wait"

"Nnghh, no" he mumbled pulling you to himself again, but you pushed him back before he could kiss you again. He watched you, shocked for a second, his frame resting against the headboard right know. His pupils widened when you climbed on top of him.

"You deserve a big thank you after what you just did Mr. Schlossberg" you breathed to his ear and start to suck a hickey on his jawline. He let out a small moan, as you kept talking. "My baby, did so good for me that his girl didn't even notice how hard you were... you must be already leaking, huh honey?" you asked him palming him through his boxers.

"Please, baby, I'm so, oh fuck, so hard for you, please let me..." he tried to switch your positions, but you restisted. You took his boxers off, letting his cock free.

"Remember what I told you this morning?" you asked, lifting your hips up and lining your entrance with his dick.

"Uh huh" he noded through his gasps as you began to sink down onto him.

"Yes" you hissed with satisfaction and leaned down to bite his earlobe. "Need to show you how much I like your new look, how fuck, how hot you look, Jack" with this words you fully sank down, his dick filling you completely.

"Fuck, fuck, y/n, be a doll and fuck me, please"

"Oh baby, don't worry. You have to live up to your new look right? I'm getting sure, you'll get that ton of sex you talked about this morning"

Jack shot his head back, panting your name.

Already a mess, you thought to yourself, and he has no idea that you just started his fun with him.

reblogs and comments highly appreciatated♡

[russo-woso]

First match || Alessia Russo x reader

Request | Masterlist

Summary Bubba has her first match

When the date came through for the beginning of the season, you and Alessia went a bit… crazy.

And no it’s not the beginning of the season for the two of you, instead it was the beginning of the season for Florence.

Wren and her teammates were old enough now to start playing in a youth league.

It was something you and Alessia had been dreaming of since you found out you were having a baby.

With the two of you being footballers, your baby was bound to have some kind of sporting gene, and like you suspected, Florence ended up being a football lover.

She jumped up and down with excitement when you told her she’d be playing her first match in only a matter of weeks.

It was big deal, your bubba’s first match, and you’d prepared for it for a long time but nothing could have prepared you for Alessia’s reaction.

“We’ve got to go.” Alessia had said once you’d told her.

“Where?”

“To sports direct. She needs new boots, new gloves, shin pads, everything bubba could need.” Alessia rambled, running to put her shoes and coat on.

“Lessi, baby, calm down. She’s got all that stuff.”

“I got boots, mummy, look.” Florence pointed out, pointing the predators next to her kit bag that was lying around due to Florence having training later that day.

“I know, bubba, but you’ve got to have the best gear.”

“Less…”

“Nope, come on, let’s go.”

Despite you and Alessia being strikers, Florence had an undoubtedly incredible talent in goal.

Which lead you to standing in front of the glove section at sports direct.

“I want the ones auntie Mary wears.” Florence said, holding the pair of puma gloves in her hands.

“Wren, me and mama have sponsors with adidas, you can’t wear puma.” Alessia explained, handing a pair of adidas gloves to Florence.

“No, I want auntie Mary’s gloves.” Florence wailed, stomping her foot in anger.

“Hey! Wren you don’t stomp your foot.” You told her

“Sorry, mama.” The four year old apologised, her bottom lip trembling as her eyes welled with tears.

“Let her have them. She’s a four year old girl and the gloves are pink, they’re clearly the ones she’s gonna pick.” You whispered to Alessia

“Wren, bubba, do you really want auntie Mary’s gloves?”

“Yes!” Florence exclaimed, her face brightening up as the following words left Alessia’s mouth.

“You can have them.”

“Thank you, mummy.” Florence said, jumping onto Alessia.

“You’re so welcome, bubba.” Alessia whispered, holding Florence close. “Now which boots do you want?”

“The ones auntie LeLe wears.”

“The Nike ones?”

“Yes!”

“That’s even worse…”

After a very expensive shopping trip, and lots of preparation, the day of the match was finally here.

You and Alessia were bundled in layers as you braved the cold around you.

Florence had woken the two of you up at six o’clock, jumping on your bed full of excitement.

You couldn’t stay mad at her for long. One look at her blue eyes and the anger was gone.

You had gotten her ready in her kit, getting emotional as you looked at her.

Her shirt was far too big for her and although she was still small, she had a confident look on her face.

Alessia quietly entered the room, wrapping her arm around your waist as you both looked at your daughter.

Alessia also had tears in her eyes, clearly just as emotional as you were.

“Mummy, mama, why you cry?” Florence asked

“You’re growing up so quickly, bubba. Can you not just stay this small?” You told her, kissing her head as you enveloped her in a hug.

“Mama, I’m a growing girl. I got to grow. I always be your bubba though.”

That just made you burst out into tears.

Florence wrapped her arms around your’s and Alessia’s legs whilst Alessia hugged you.

The three of you had stayed hugging for a moment or two before the realisation that you’d be late hit.

When you got to the pitch, Florence started sprinting to her teammates, not even saying goodbye to the two of you.

Alessia took your hand in hers as you walked towards the other parents.

Greeting them with a smile, you soon started a conversation about how nervous you were for the team’s first game.

The conversation soon stopped when about thirty voices were heard behind you.

Turning around, you were met with all the Arsenal girls plus a few other friends from the England squad or passed teams.

“What’re they all doing here?” You whispered to Alessia

“I mentioned Wrens first game to Kyra and it spread throughout the team.” Alessia explained

You’d mentioned it to a few close teammates and friends, just a few - Tooney, Lotte, and Mary - and promised to film clips for them but what you didn’t expect was for the whole team to come.

“What’re all you lot doing here?” You asked with a smile, hugging everyone as they focused on the pitch - attempting to spot the future lioness.

“We’ve come to watch our favourite keeper, no offence Daph.” Leah said, looking towards Daphne who just smiled at the comment.

“What about me though? I thought I was your favourite keeper.” A voice exclaimed

“Mary? Why are you here?” Alessia questioned, hugging Mary tightly before Mary hugged you.

“I couldn’t not see my mini me play her first game.” Mary told you, waving at Florence who had spotted her auntie Mary straight away.

“Auntie Mary!” Florence screamed, running and jumping into Mary’s arms.

“Hi, mini keeper. Oh my, look at your gloves!”

“Your gloves, auntie Mary.”

Alessia rolled her eyes as the topic arose again - it being a sensitive topic in your household.

“Mummy doesn’t like them, but I love them!” Wren exclaimed

“Wren, bubba, you need to go warm up. It will be kick off soon.” You reminded her as Mary put her back on the floor.

Both you and alessia crouched down to be in line with your daughter.

“Me and mummy are so proud of you, Wren.” You whispered as you hugged her.

“You’re going to do so well, bubba.” Alessia told her, kissing her head.

As Florence ran back into the field, cheers were heard from the sideline that was entirely made up of the Arsenal squad.

You and alessia smiled, looking at all your daughter’s aunties who had turned up to watch her first game.

Florence was so loved and If it wasn’t obvious before, it was definitely obvious now.

Both teams were ready now, everyone in their correct positions.

Just before the whistle blew, you watched Florence take seven jumps.

“Lessi, look.” You pointed to Florence

“I’m gonna cry.” Alessia said, her voice breaking as tears welled in her eyes - the moment already being overwhelming but seeing that was the cherry on top.

The whistle blew and the game soon kicked off.

“Am I late? Did I miss it?” A Manchester accent shouted

“Tooney! You came from Manchester?”

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world? Where is she?” Ella asked as the two of you pointed to Florence stood in goal, her little face full of concentration.

“Go on, Wren!” Ella cheered, her voice echoing around the field.

“Auntie Tooney, too loud!” Wren scowled

“That told you.”

“You were incredible out there, bubba!” You said, picking wren up as she walked over after the game.

“A clean sheet and player of the match? I must be a good coach.” Mary said, fist bumping Florence as alessia swooped her up into her arms.

“My bubba played her first game!”

“Mummy, I’m not a baby!”

“You’ll always be mine and mamas baby. Even when you’re thirty.”

“Even when I’m a lioness?” Wren asked

“Even when you’re a gunner and lioness. Me and mama will always be your biggest fan, cheering you on in the crowd.”

“You’re going to be England future star, bubba.”

Florence smiled, a glint in her eyes as she imagined herself in goal at Wembley.

“If you can dream it, you can do it, baby.” You told her, kissing her cheek.

“I’m going to play at Tottenham.” Florence revealed - the Tottenham Hotspur stadium being one of the only stadiums she can remember.

“I’m sorry, what did you say, Missy?” Leah asked, her eyes wide.

“Tottenham!”

“We need to sit and have a chat.”

[ratsplendor]

so this post was on my dash last night and i woke up still thinking about it. bc i really do feel like we get a lot of internalized homophobia!Wilson, due to the very comphet of it all, but i think there's some really interesting angles you can play with from this perspective, too. & of course end up with some major angst lol.

so. i kind of ended up going on a long ass ramble here. i've stuck it under a readmore for those who're just scrolling. thanks for putting up with me lol

the main thing i'm thinking about is like...the huge, Stacy-left-me-shaped chip on his shoulder. because how many straight guys do you know who have made their breakup this massive personality trait/let it take the blame for their behavior for years afterwards? i know so many! "wife left me, i joined the NRA" type shit.

in this situation you're describing, i think the breakup is a huge part of how this plays out. because: 1. any feelings he has for men after that are just because she fucked him up so bad. and 2. yes, he's upset she left, why wouldn't he be? he certainly wasn't relieved, secretly, that she pulled the trigger, that she gave him an excuse to push her away. he certainly wasn't tired of pretending, especially given his new condition, which makes it harder to mask. that would be crazy.

so he latches on to this post-breakup, miss-her-but-resent-her pattern of behavior because it's an easy cover for whatever else he's feeling, on two separate fronts. and then she comes back. he finds out Wilson is trying to keep them apart and for a split second, he hopes it's because Wilson's jealous, and he hates that he feels that so much that he throws himself back into manic Stacy-mode again, to the point of being party to her marriage nearly breaking up. a guy who breaks up his ex's marriage is definitely straight! right??

i think a lot of the time we get House being portrayed as the one who's settled with himself because he has this air of hedonism about him, and he enjoys being the contrarian/making people uncomfortable, and doesn't appear to care what other people think. but of course, we see that's especially untrue where his father is concerned. in a world where nothing was off limits to House, we'd expect to see him weaponizing the abuse as part of the way he makes people uncomfortable, right? instead, he's so quiet about it that even Wilson doesn't know well enough to not make him go to the funeral. it's a product of a time when certain things belonged behind closed doors. so there are some things that are off limits to House. joking about being gay is one thing, it gets a rise out of people, but he doesn't allow himself the real thing because 1. he's not gay and 2. it's so bound up in the complexity of the first few decades of his life. which he doesn't talk about, not even to make people squirm. most young people start to contend with their sexuality while still living at home...on base housing, where it felt like there were eyes everywhere, and with a father like John House. then, like you said, came the AIDS crisis, and how many tirades do you think John probably went off on? with his son, the doctor, on the phone with him? the voice that told him how to be a man is asking if he's really gonna treat those fags or not. what do you do?

i'll end this by saying, as a kid who grew up with base brats of several types, i've always found it really interesting + sorely underexplored that House is referred to so often just by surname. i know it's a thing among medical folk, too, but undoubtedly, when his father's buddies came around, they were calling him House. hell, i knew kids whose mothers called their fathers by surname. i've always found this interesting because if House didn't choose it, if it's something that just happened organically during med school, did it hurt at first? and if he did choose it, in this case, would it be because it felt like being a man? his father, the model he had for "real" masculinity growing up--would taking up his name in his early adulthood feel like a shortcut to a male ideal that he was so desperately struggling to align with?

thinking about internalised homophobia House. I normally headcanon him as openly bi (but maybe repressed or in denial about being in love with Wilson), but I like the idea of his suggestive gay comments being a cover because he's so far in denial and gay jokes are a way of being like "haha isn't it so ridiculous and subversive to suggest I'm gay? I'm doing this for the shock value because I'm obviously straight", in the same way straight guys think gay jokes are the funniest thing in the world

his homophobic military dad and becoming independent and coming of age in the 1980s and only hearing about gay people during the AIDS crisis left him with some fucked up ideas and attitudes about gay people (and himself. and what it means to be a man)

if Wilson ever tries to confess feelings for House (or if they fall into each other on a drunken night), House would absolutely withdraw, run away, push Wilson away because House isn't gay

House then dating a woman to prove to Wilson (and everyone. and himself) that he's normal and straight

eventually, if he and Wilson start seeing each other, House would rationalise it as "technically homosexual, but not like those other gays". maybe he'd also withdraw in public where anyone could see them, and try to suppress the emotional side of things ("this is just physical, don't be a fag about it")

meanwhile, Wilson is desperately trying to be okay with the scraps of affection he gets from House, but it's killing him. he's not doing well. after pining over House for so long (knowingly? unknowingly? you decide), he didn't think it would feel like this. but maybe this is the best he deserves

[that-hippie-user]

Without hypnosis, how would you encourage someone to become a diaper-addicted bedwetter? What’s the best argument you could make to win them over?

i'd like to answer this in the form of a ramble. no hypnosis, no traps, no triggers. literally just a lesson from me to you. click below if you're curious.

some folks describe the world we're in as one that tries to fit you into a mold, to shape you a desired way.

but a mold is a very simple process, pour liquid substance into a vessel with the desired shape, let it solidify, and its done. taking an otherwise shapeless thing and giving it shape in a very easy way.

life is not a mold, but an extruder.

a length of meterial is sent down a tube, which itself gradually shifts from the original shape, to the desired one.

the process is gradual, the material shapes itself almost as if it were meant to, but it's being guided to that shape by the tunnel its in.

you werent given a role from the start and made to fit it, you were gradually acclimated to that role until it became normal.

its the small things. being corrected on how you sit, or how loud your voice is, or telling you to stop tapping your feet, or saying particular interests dont fit your role.

i used to naturally cross my legs, i had an interest in pink, i loved made for dvd cartoons like strawberry shortcake or tinker bell. turned out i was transgender, and the role of "boy" was one i was shaped to be through peer pressure.

now, what does this have to do with diapees?

put simply, you NEVER had a say in potty training.

kids often have no say in a lot of things, its taken for granted that a kid needs guidance if they're gonna be safe in this world. but potty training is a universal lesson.

how did YOU react at the time? to being told you have to "graduate" from diapers. were you agreeable? upset? did you try to rebel? it doesnt matter, all roads lead to you being potty trained.

its so deeply ingrained in our society its practically a core foundation. think about this for a moment, KINDNESS is not mandatory. sure, as a kid you're taught to share and care, but how many people do you know who carried that into adulthood? in fact, in a capitalist sense, kindness is a weakness to the goal of profit.

so, we live in a world where you CANNOT under ANY circumstance choose to be diapered, unless you "need" to, like, if there is no alternative. and yet you can live life as the biggest jerk in history and you're not even guaranteed a reprimand for it.

and yet... everyone ALSO agrees that being a kid is the best thing in the world, and you should enjoy it while you can because it wont last, you cant go back to that.

and that much IS true... but you CAN go back in some ways.

oh sure, you WILL grow up. lessons get learned, fears develop, motor function improves, your body gets taller and stronger, and your brain naturally develops as it goes, that much is ALL true...

but... you CAN still wear diapers... in fact, it almost seems like you're gently encouraged to? cuz like... every store with a pharmacy has a nearby section for adult diapers, they got ENTIRE ISLES of diapers. in every size you'd need.

because as much as society tries to tell us diapers are meant to be left behind, we cant deny that sometimes they are necessary, stores NEED these if they can have them.

and if thats the case... if systems are in place for people to wear diapers... what exactly is wrong with using them?

and furthermore, its probably the ONE holdover from childhood you can always go back to.

no matter how big you get, you cant change one universal fact. diapers exist, they have an intended function, and you CAN use them, if you are brave.

and if you do? you're being a TRUE rebel, moreso than most really. you're doing the ONE thing adults must NEVER do, the thing that potty training was MADE for.

if you wear and use diapees, you are choosing to reject an instinct of adulthood in favor of your own personal rebellious joy, and that is BADASS.

and why shouldnt you? if gender is a social construct, then so is growing up. you CAN redefine what it means to you. you can decide for yourself what it means.

and if you do... you ALSO have the option... to take it FURTHER.

because you know... training like that can be UNDONE too.

not fully, mind, your body now has the ability to know when it needs to go, that much stays.

buuuuut. your ability to hold it CAN be undone.

;3 and thats not even hypnosis, all you have to do is use your diapees! X3 im not joking, peeing yourself outside of a bathroom scenario gives your body and brain permission to do it elsewhere.

UwU and with time... it gets harder to hold it. ;3 how long does it take?

3 WEEKS

3 weeks of continued diaper use is all it takes to lose control.

but why? why lose control? what point is there is making you wet yourself? (or mess if thats your thing. X3 its certainly mine!)

because if using diapers is rebellion, then unpotty training is FREEDOM

its the ultimate middle finger to the training you were given, a sound rejection of the thing you were taught is most important.

and once you reject that... the skies the limit!

do you have any idea how much CONFIDENCE it takes to willingly make yourself a puddlepants?

if you're willing to do that, no force on this earth can stop you. gender? redefine it as you please. fashion? you wear diapers for underwear, wear whatever you want. hobbies? passions? do what you like! ;3 not like bathroom breaks can stop you anymore.

so go nuts! have fun! live life on YOUR terms.

diapers are fun, diapers are soothing, diapers are freeing, and diapers are YOURS to wear.

be free, be a mushtush!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Do you think that we are getting book 8 that will focus on Grim since we almost are on the end of book 7? And how do you feel if that what happened and we get book 8 that focus on Grim and Yuu like why are they here all of that? Do you want to see a specific thing that wasn't mentioned in the main story?

Last question how do you feel about twst ending? Would you stay in the fandom or find another interest? I'm not ready for that like if twst ended I will move to twst fanfics 🥲

But to be honest with how they are using the 3D animation as inspiration too now for the new events I have hope that even if the main story ended we will still have plenty of new events coming plus we have the anime coming too and manga chapters still going. I don't want this fandom to die as soon as main story end.

Honestly I don't mind if the game kept going forever 😂 not necessarily the main story but with events and talk about the world.

Imagine something like twst: The New NRC Generation like they did with many animes XD

Okay I talked so much sorry for the rambling.

As I have stated in the FAQ section of my pinned post (I kindly ask that people check that first before sending asks because I have been asked some variant of “what do you think about a potential book 8”/“how do you want book 7 to end” dozens of times; I don’t answer them because the answer is already out there but overlooked, but I feel bad for ignoring so many people 😅):

"I want to actually see Yuu going home and the current students moving on to the next year of schooling. We could focus on how the guys have grown and are growing, how these more mature versions of the characters interact with the incoming freshmen/first years, or the long-term consequences of their OBs (particularly Malleus's, which probably caused an international crisis). It would also be cool to learn more about RSA students after book 7, but I don’t want them to rehash the OB formula."

"As for a potential book 8, I don’t know if there’s enough evidence for it? Book 7 is cramming a lot in right now so it’s possible that all the loose ends will be tied up there. Book 8 also implies a strong focus on Ramhackle, which… I know we love Yuusonas and all, but the game cannot canonically fill in their backstory a ton or it will ruin player self-inserting/projection. That means we’d have to rely on Grim and Grim alone to be the emotional crux that somehow transcends even Malleus’s chapter. I think that’d be hard to pull off, especially since we'd be expecting book 8 to be even LONGER than the 290+ book 7 is. If there's a book 8 at all, it might have to be closer to prologue length...? Because even if they push the Mickey stuff and revealing Crowley's motives to a theoretical book 8, I can't imagine this would take up more parts than book 7 already has 💦"

Secondly, I don’t think “Twst ending” is… the best phrasing? It’s not like the game is going to shut down as soon as book 7 finishes. Live service games close when they’re no longer financially viable, not because they finished a main story arc. Several of these kinds of games continue the main story into a new arc—and while we don’t have any official confirmation of this for Twst, it would be just silly for a money and merch machine to be shut down for an arbitrary reason. If it's not broken, then don't axe it. I would be genuinely shocked if Twst just left the main story untouched after book 7, though it may take some time before new main story stuff comes out, as the writers would have to... you know, write. Running the servers based on events alone, especially when we are not guaranteed new story events every month, doesn't sound sustainable in the long term. There's still going to be new Twst stuff coming out for a long time between the manga, anime, and light novels too. That's at least a good couple of years.

dyugaoydaswqyb Anyway, I'll be staying in the fandom even once book 7 finished; it's very near and dear to my heart ^^ Like I said, I think Twst will probably continue its service for a while. And it's not like you can only have one interest at a time, right??

[kedreeva]

i suspect bringing them up to market weight would take so long as to render it not really worth it but do you know anyone who eats their peafowl? do you? they take so long to mature and seem so much more difficult than chicken or turkey i can only imagine eating them is more of a flex than a practical use for them

I will put this under a cut since it discusses animal death.

I don't know anyone that raises them specifically for eating, but I know that there's at least one place that (was, last I checked) sells processed yearlings for eating, and I've known several breeders who have eaten peafowl or let birds go for meat, but it's not common as most breeders see them as 'ornamental' fowl. I have given two overtly aggressive, unsuitable young males to a hunter friend to process for his family, and sold one yearling male to a hunter coworker for a holiday dinner on a year I had a lot of extra males. I have culled a few chicks over the years, either due to health or sex, but I've never eaten peafowl myself, and have no plans to; however, I wouldn't refuse to eat it if it were being served by someone else. I have no moral objection to livestock animals being used for livestock purposes. I personally have to have a separation of church and state where it regards livestock, though; they can be here to be pets, or they can be here to go elsewhere including food, but they cannot be here to be pets and then be eaten.

And peafowl ARE livestock. Like, legally they are considered livestock, the same as chickens and game fowl (like pheasants and turkey), under the "poultry" umbrella. They're just not all that great for meat purposes. There is not real "butcher weight" for peafowl since they're not a common food animal, but there's not a lot of sense to raising them for meat past 8 months or so, as they put on size rapidly til about 6 months, and from there it's a slow growth of adding bulk and growing feathers. Heritage turkeys you also raise for about that amount of time, but while they're lean, they're still not as lean as peafowl.

The chicks, though, are the problem for food production; they're extremely fragile compared to any other fowl chick I've raised (pheasants, quail, chickens, guinea, turkeys, ducks). Peafowl are slow growing, and extremely dependent on their mothers or an "example" bird, and will not eat and drink enough if left on their own in a brooder. They take HOT hot temps for way longer than other fowl. It just takes so much more to get them to the right age.

So, IMO at least, they're not really "worth" raising for the express purpose of meat. They don't do well in small spaces, the hens only lay ~30-35 eggs a year if they are pushed beyond what is healthy for them (doing this repeatedly WILL shorten their lifespan from 20+ years with a potential for 40+ years to around 15 years) or more like 6-12 if you aren't pushing them, compared to chicken that lay 200-350 a year depending on the breed. The chicks are hard to raise and are care and space intense. All for about the same amount of meat you'd get from a chicken. BUT, if there's a problem with them (poor temperament, deformities, etc), they can be eaten just like any fowl.

I do have photos of a butchered peafowl in my peafowl masterpost, you can find the link on my blog, along with other posts I have made on this subject.

[arxiwon]

Hi I have a request, could you write something based on this part from Kendrick lamar‘s Song „Pride“

„Me I wasn’t taught to share, but care. In another life I surely was there. Me I wasn’t taught to share, but I care, I care, I care“

In Another Life | pjs

Pairing: Jay × Reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Break-Up AU

Warnings: Emotional distress, heartbreak, themes of love and loss, unresolved feelings, heavy angst, implied moving on.

Synopsis: Jay was never taught to share, but he was taught to care. And God, he cared about you—maybe too much, maybe not enough. When the distance between you grows wider, he convinces himself that time will fix it, that love alone will be enough to keep you by his side. But when you finally leave, Jay learns the harshest lesson of all: caring isn’t the same as holding on. And sometimes, letting go is the only thing left to do.

The first time Jay realizes he might have lost you, it isn’t dramatic. There’s no explosive argument, no doors slammed shut, no shattered glass on the floor. Just silence. A silence that stretches too long, settles too deeply, and makes itself at home in the space between you.

He wasn’t taught to share, but he cares. He cares in ways he doesn’t know how to articulate.

You had always been the one to give more. More patience, more understanding, more love. And Jay? Jay took. Not because he was selfish, but because he thought you’d always have more to give. That you’d always be there, waiting.

But now, as he watches you from across the room—your laughter softer, your gaze distant—he wonders when you stopped looking at him like he was your favorite thing in the world.

“Something on your mind?” you ask, tilting your head.

Jay hesitates. His first instinct is to say no. To brush it off, let the moment pass, let things stay easy the way they always have. But something about the way you’re looking at him now—like you already know the answer, like you’re waiting for him to slip up—makes him pause.

He swallows. “Are we okay?”

Your fingers still around your glass, and there it is again. That pause, that silence. It presses against his chest like a weight he doesn’t know how to carry.

“Do you want the truth?” you ask, voice barely above a whisper.

Jay forces a small laugh. “Wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.”

You exhale, setting your glass down with more care than necessary. “I don’t know.”

It’s not the answer he expected. Not the reassurance, not the soft words that make everything feel less heavy. Just three syllables, simple and honest, yet they cut through him like a dull blade.

Jay wasn’t taught to share—his emotions, his fears, his vulnerabilities. But he cares. And right now, caring feels a lot like drowning.

He wants to reach for you. To pull you close, press his forehead against yours, and tell you he’ll do better. That he doesn’t know how to be open the way you need him to be, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. That doesn’t mean he wants to lose you.

But he hesitates. And in that hesitation, he watches as you pull away first.

Because maybe, in another life, he was better at this. Maybe, in another life, he knew how to hold on before it was too late.

But in this one, he just watches you slip through his fingers.

And all he can do is care.

Jay doesn’t sleep that night.

He stares at the ceiling, the room thick with the weight of everything unsaid. The air feels colder, the bed emptier—even though you’re still here, just on the other side, facing away from him. He wonders if you’re awake, if your mind is running in circles like his is.

He wants to reach out. Just to feel you, to make sure you’re still within arm’s reach. But he doesn’t.

Because what if you don’t reach back?

Me, I wasn’t taught to share, but care.

He was never good with words. Never good at saying what he needed to say until it was too late. He thought love was something you showed, not something you had to say out loud. But maybe that was the problem. Maybe you needed to hear it. Maybe you needed something more than just his quiet presence beside you.

He closes his eyes, exhaling shakily. Tomorrow, he tells himself. He’ll talk to you tomorrow. He’ll figure out the right words, the right way to say them.

But when morning comes, you’re gone.

Not permanently—not yet. Your shoes are missing from the doorway, your coat gone from the rack. Your things are still here, but the absence of you still feels suffocating.

Jay sits on the edge of the bed, running a hand down his face. His chest feels tight, something sharp curling in his ribs.

He should call you. Or text. Something. But his hands stay still in his lap.

Me, I wasn’t taught to share, but I care.

Maybe if he says it enough, it’ll make up for everything else.

Maybe if he cares hard enough, you’ll come back.

—

But caring isn’t enough.

Because days pass. Then weeks. And though you don’t leave entirely, you drift further and further, slipping into a life that feels less and less like his.

Jay sees it in the way you stop lingering in the same space as him. How you don’t fill the silences anymore, how you don’t look at him with that quiet kind of warmth you used to.

And one day, he sees it in the way you smile at someone else.

It’s small—barely anything, just a passing moment. But he feels it like a punch to the gut.

Because he used to be the only one who could make you smile like that.

His hands curl into fists at his sides, jaw tight. He has no right to be angry. No right to feel this bitter, this hollow.

But God, he still cares. And it’s eating him alive.

—

The night you finally leave, Jay doesn’t say anything.

Not because he doesn’t want to—because he does. He wants to tell you to stay, wants to tell you that he’ll do better, that he’ll learn.

But he knows that if he really cares about you—if he truly, deeply loves you—then he won’t hold you back.

So he watches as you close the door behind you, as your footsteps fade down the hall.

And when the silence swallows him whole, Jay finally understands—

Caring was never enough.

And it never would be.

Jay tells himself he’ll be fine.

That time will fix the hollow feeling in his chest. That eventually, he’ll stop checking his phone, stop looking for you in every room, stop expecting to hear your voice in the silence.

But time moves forward, and nothing changes.

He still cares. And caring without having you feels worse than anything he’s ever known.

—

Somewhere along the way, he starts avoiding places where you might be. Not because he doesn’t want to see you—God, he does—but because he doesn’t know if he can handle it.

Because what if you look happy? What if you don’t look back at him?

But one night, he isn’t so lucky.

It happens in a quiet bar, the kind you both used to go to when you wanted to escape the weight of the world for a little while. Jay hadn’t planned on coming here, but his friends had dragged him out, insisting he needed to do something other than wallow in his own mind.

And that’s when he sees you.

You’re sitting by the window, bathed in soft light. Your head tilts back as you laugh at something, eyes crinkling at the corners. You look… good. Like the weight you carried with him is gone.

Like leaving was the right choice.

Jay doesn’t realize he’s gripping his glass too tightly until his knuckles turn white. He forces himself to breathe, to look away. But then your gaze lifts—just for a second.

And you see him.

It’s quick, barely anything, but he sees the way your smile falters just a little. The way your fingers twitch against the rim of your glass.

For a second, he wonders if you’ll come over. If you’ll say something, if you’ll let him hear your voice again.

But then, you turn back to your conversation.

And just like that, Jay realizes—this is what it feels like to be a ghost in someone else’s story.

—

Later that night, long after he’s left the bar, Jay finds himself staring at his phone.

There’s nothing stopping him from calling you. From typing out a message, telling you everything he never said when he had the chance.

But he knows it won’t change anything.

Because caring isn’t the same as holding on. And he lost that right a long time ago.

So he does the only thing he can.

He lets go.

And this time, he doesn’t look back.

[rafesbabygirlx]

Hi angels (this is gonna be long)

I ramble because when I feel big feels I don't think straight, but please read 🤍

I'm posting this now because I just need to get it out. This has been weighing heavily on me. But I doubt anyone will read it hahah

This is really hard for me to say, but after a lot of thought, I’ve decided to wrap up some things I have left, complete some more requests and step back from writing anything new—at least for now.

I’ve been contemplating this for a while, trying to push past the feeling, but I’ve reached a point where I can’t ignore it anymore. Writing has been such a joy for me, and I’ve loved being part of this little community. You all welcomed me with open arms, and I can’t express how much that means to me.

Honestly, I don’t think I’m in the right mental space for it right now. As much as I love creating, I’ve found myself constantly doubting my work, comparing my writing to others and thinking that I can do so much better, and overthinking every detail. It’s a cycle I’ve fallen into on my own, and it’s taken a toll. On top of that, I feel like my blog has lost some of its spark, and my writing isn’t going anywhere and not growing. I’ve also gotten some nasty anons the past few weeks that I ignore but they still haven’t helped with my thoughts. 🫠

With my final semester of college also weighing on me, everything feels like it’s piling up. So, I think I just need a short break. Ew I feel like I sound so insecure. I think I’m just too hard on myself, especially when I get overwhelmed and burnt out.

I feel really guilty stepping away after working so hard to build this space and gaining so much support. The last thing I want is to let anyone down. But right now, this is what I need.

Please stick with me and don't forget me.

That said, I truly love being here, and I don’t think I can stay away for too long. Honestly, I might still post every now and then if I feel inspired. I also won’t be going completely dark - I want to stay engaged and continue supporting the amazing people I’ve met here. I’d love for my moots to keep me updated on their posts, and I’ll still be around to chat.

Sorry if none of this makes sense. I really hate that I've gotten to this point. I still have some things I want to complete and then I plan to take some time off from writing. But I will be around. We can still interact. I don't want to completely lose what I have here. 🤍

I want to go through some more requests and I have a couple of parts left of The Pen Pal. I like to finish what I’ve started and I’m committed to that. I'm posting this and I have a couple of drafts ready to post tonight and then going to take a break for a day or 2 after posting this (because I feel awful and I want to avoid it)

I’m hoping that this will bring me some relaxation but I’m also hoping it will bring me some inspiration too. I have a series I’d love to restart and a lovely anon gave me a great idea for a JJ AU I’d love to do at some point. I hope those ideas would excite you just as much too.

I think right now it will just be a couple of weeks off just from writing. To refresh, heal my mind, and finally breathe. I’ve already expressed it slightly in some posts but I’ve been really thinking about it.

I already can’t wait to be back because this community has been so good to me. I appreciate every single one of you. What’s that corny saying? It’s not goodbye it’s see you later? I love you guys, and I’ll make another post when I officially take my break.

I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE. IT ALL DOES IN MY HEAD. JUST A LITTLE BAD AT EXPRESSING MYSELF.

I wanna thank everyone who has supported my writings and I LOVE every single one of you.

I also wanna thank some of my moots! You all have helped me incredibly since I've joined. You're all so kind hearted and probably the best group of people I've ever connected with on the internet. I’m still here so please don’t stop tagging me or reaching out, I’ll still support all of you when I’m on a break. Forgive me if I'm forgetting anyone- not really thinking right now. But this goes for all my moots. 🤍

@rafesheaven @cameronsprincess @inthelibrarybtw @littlelamy @leather-n-velvet @writingroom21 @ivysprophecy @maybejj @rafescokewhore @nemesyaaa @rafescvntyclubgf @angelicameron @tanjamikaelson @starkeynation @quinnsbabygirl @frankoceanluvr11 @httpsdrewstarkey @v3n1ce-bxtch @zyafics @whytheylosttheirminds @rafesbuzzcutseason @maybankslover

[doofazoid]

Do you have anymore things for Unicorns Dogma???? That one art you posted looks so interesting and I need to know more

i do! you can see all art i share of it on my Toyhouse, and any animations I'll post on tiktok or twitter!

🦄 Here's a compilation of concepts!

^ Charchell, the protagonist of the story (post infection)! He was once a prestigious prince and heir to a great kingdom, but was captured by malicious demons who wanted to use his celestial blood to revive an evil god that had been slain eons ago. His temperament took a turn for the worse after suffering months of captivity and a cruel infection of his purity, turning him into a disheveled husk of his former self.

^ Young Charchell and some of his family (Pre Infection). He was kept under strict expectations growing up, creating a small pit of explosive emotions that sat dormant in his psyche that he refused to let out.

^ Some more general stuff of him after his corruption. It caused him to snap and let go of his inhibitions, cascading into a drastically different personality that was altered by the malignant ichor injected into his body. He fell pray to its influence despite knowing better. He also finds out that some of his own kind were conspiring with the same demons that tortured him, and doesn't know who to trust anymore in a world he once thought as kind. He makes grave mistakes in his fits of heartbreak and anger, he struggles with his identity, and has to come to terms with his past to battle the greater evil that caused all this in the first place.

Everything is still prone to change, but i've been making pretty good progress on the story and characters, so if it's something that interests you, I'd be glad to talk about it some more! There's still lots to of lore and world building left to be said! :^]

[adorethedistance]

First Time - Jamie Drysdale X Reader

Hockey Masterlist

Warnings: swearing, SMUT, fingering, oral, anxiety mention.

Words: 1310

Summary: First Time - yours and Jamie’s first sexual encounter is a lot rougher than you both thought it would be, not that anyone’s complaining.

A/n: Hi oh my god writers block is still kicking my ass but I wanted to get a fic out bc I miss yall. Debating if this should be a part one LOL. I’m so sorry my signature move is leaving yall wanting more but trust me it does wonders for engagement lmao.

You can read part 1 of the series of firsts here.

“You said Trevor’s out right now?” I ask Jamie breathlessly as he toys with the hem of my pink baby tee. He hums against my lips, desperately trying to maintain the kiss.

A lazy day off after a full breakfast and a prudish sleep over, Jamie and I are tangled in his bed, with him shirtless in his briefs, and me straddling him in a cropped Short N Sweet baby tee and a lacy black pair of panties.

After the third time of Trevor walking in on us with messy hair and mortified panting, I’ve learned my lesson to ask if he’s gone.

“Should be,” Jamie replies absentmindedly. As he speaks, he slides his hand under my shirt, up the length of my stomach, eagerly and shyly coming to rest in the valley of my chest. His hand falters, not wanting to push too far but desperately needing the feel of my skin in his calloused hands. Of course Jamie and I have made out, almost too many times to count, but any heaving petting involved has always been over whatever clothes we’d had on. And one of the main differences being I’d had a bra on in those instances, which was very much not the case now.

As his hand comes to rest between my boobs, I feel him grow hard underneath me. The sensation is overwhelming and I feel myself throb against him and the way Jamie’s eyes flick to meet mine indicates he felt it too. I sigh out a small breath to try and alleviate some of the tension but the point is moot.

Sensing Jamie’s hesitation, I grab his wrists in my hands and slowly guide them, one over each breast. He let’s out a sigh of excitement as we both feel my nipples harden under his large palms. I moan out when he squeezes gently, and slide my hands up from his wrists to apply the pressure Jamie was afraid to do himself.

“You’re not gonna break me, Jame.” I huff an antsy breath and he laughs, bashfully at first glance with an undertone of sexual deviancy.

“Is that so?” Licking my lips gently, I do my best to disguise the anxiety in my voice as I dare to tease Jamie,

“I’m telling you to be rougher, dumbass.”

As if a switch had flipped, my taunt activates Jamie. He swiftly reaches his right hand to grip around my throat, pushing me backwards with enough force so I fall flat on my back. With my head hanging off the foot of the bed, Jamie applies more pressure with his right hand, shortening my breathing and kinking the aorta to restrict blood flow. The sensation is grimly delightful, an aroused smile coming to rest on my delirious face. Jamie hums a small laugh, satisfied with his job well done. He places a gentle kiss on my lips before finally releasing the pressure on my throat. I pull in a sudden gust of air as Jamie’s fingers massage the area he had once held so captive.

“You okay?” He asks, suddenly his shy, considerate self once more. I look at him and laugh in disbelief,

“Fuck yeah.” I sit up abruptly to get closer to his adorable face, hoping to kiss him passionately, but Jamie braces a hand on my chest and shoves me back down onto the mattress.

“Good, ‘cause we’re not done yet.”

And before I can get a word in, Jamie sensually pushes the hem of my shirt up and over my naked chest, circling back to squeeze my left breast in his large hand. I whine out a moan at the way he caresses me, savoring every last moment of his touch. His other hand comes up to fidget with the panty line around my hip. He hesitates,

“Is this-?”

“More than okay,” I nod fervently, as if Jamie could evaporate any moment. My body is beyond desperate for his touch. We’ve waited for this moment for so long, neither of us ever really knowing why. But now that it’s here, I feel as though I can’t wait a moment longer, “Please.”

That’s all Jamie needs to hear. He quickly pulls the black lace down over my hips and off the end of my legs.

All the unrest and desperation of the previous moment has dissipated and I nervously let my knees fall together in self consciousness. Jamie places his hands on my hips, sliding them up the undersides of my thighs pushing my legs against my chest, exposing my pussy to his eager and willing touch.

Jamie kissed the inside of my thigh, as close to where I want him as possible, but still far enough to keep my own desire at bay. He sucks the sensitive skin between his teeth, nipping and grinding. He pulls his head away from my thigh, the skin of my leg still caught between his lips. He lets go with a salacious pop before pressing a sweet kiss to the soon to be bruised skin. I sigh in anticipation, using my hips to try and sit up once more; Jamie’s grip tightens and firmly holds my legs and hips in place. I groan out of frustration and right as I prepare to fight back harder, I feel the sultry sensation of Jamie’s tongue against my heat.

He licks the quivering expanse of my hole, slowly making his way up to where I need him most. I moan sharply as he flicks the tip of his tongue over my clit. Jamie quickly turns to sucking the exposed bud and I cry out even louder. His grip is unwavering, pinning me to the bed with no chance of escape. I reach down to tangle my hands in his hair; some semblance of control as he relentlessly devours me. I would think he was starving with the way he eats me, like he would never have a chance at sustenance again.

As I feel myself climbing higher and higher to release, the sensation is gone when Jamie pulls away. Before I can mutter any kind of reaction, Jamie plunges two fingers inside me. I moan so loud I instinctively reach up to cover my mouth, but my hand collides with Jamie’s as he comes to place it on my throat once more.

The hand on my neck is no doubt a warning for my volume level but I can’t help myself when Jamie knows how to curl his fingers just right. Each time he brings his fingertips up to reach that certain spot, like he’s coaxing the orgasm out of me one pump at a time. I feel myself growing closer and closer to finish, reveling in the pleasure of his touch. How lucky am I?

Jamie finger fucks me better than I could’ve ever imagined, and right as I think I’ve seen it all, he begins thrusting his fingers in and out of me, applying pressure against my throat. What little air escapes my lips amounts to a pathetic, desperate whine under the weight of his heavy hand. And just like that a blinding white light takes over my senses. I fight the urge to scream as I release pure sexual energy around his right fingers, fighting for breath and blood flow under his left.

Slowly, I come down from my high, and Jamie releases his grip on my throat, his fingers coated in my wetness when he pulls them out.

“You’re so hot,” he shakes his head in disbelief.

“Oh my god,” I fight to catch my breath as my body twitches from overstimulation. Jamie sits back on his heels and watches in awe, too bashful to admit he is most definitely proud of himself right now. Jamie leans over me so he can look at my face,

“You made a mess by the way.”

“Me?!”

[nomsfaultau]

(Can’t spell rabbit without, like, a few of the letters in anarchist!)

Immediately after catching Technoblade, suddenly Phil is like. I. Did not have a step two. But, hey, there’s a news network here they can get the word out about the lost bunny! Only, when the reporter asks, before he can say anything everyone says PHIL is the owner!

(Bun: no masters no kings no gods no scientists! I shall not bow before you! Put me down!!!)

When Philza insists Techno isn’t his bun (good. Know your place), 1. Kristin falls a little bit in love because what do you MEAN he ran a man bunhunt to rescue someone else’s pet! He’s so kind! And determined! 2. Tommy immediately tries to insist he should take care of Technoblade until his owners get him. Which. Terrible idea, this kid has no idea how to take care of a bunny (says the man who also has no idea how to take care of a bunny). Cue everyone pointing at HIM to take care of Techno?? HUH??? 

So the local news is talking about it for a week and the pet store gives him a free coupon for hay and pellets and what not and Phil is like there is No way I can back out of this now too late I’m a rabbit dad I guess. ESPECIALLY cause Tommy has demanded shared custody and has gotten bargained down to weekend visits to ‘make sure you don’t bleep up his cage’ bc Tommy Must find something he’s Better At now, and has decided rabbit care is his new expertise and future job probably. And Kristin is like mmm I should drop by. Just to check on the little guy. For the foreseeable future.

So now Phil’s social life depends on a very angry rabbit.

Techno is thrashing in his carrier the entire time, uncaring if he’s injuring himself because he needs to get out he has to they’re going to hurt him. But he’s so, so tired from being chased down, and realizes he can’t get out of the cage no matter how hard he kicks and gnaws and thrashes. As they drive to Philza’s home (idiot uses the break function of a car can you believe it), Techno grows very quiet. He’s never misbehaved this badly before. 

But he’s not taken to the lab and there are a lot of strange apparatus that are completely unfamiliar inside the Not lab. The enemy squints at him, then mutters, “it’ll probably bolt if I open the cage…” Techno glares at him. But the enemy does not deign to address his grievous bunny insult, instead digging around in a plastic bag (which is inedible). Carefully, Philza begins dropping pieces of food into his cage as Techno presses at the furthest corner to escape. 

Only it’s not just pellets. There’s lettuce, and carrots, and fresh hay. And meat if he’s fast enough and Philza pokes his fingers too far into the bars. The IDIOT and FOOL let himself get in biting range. That’s HIS fault. But as delicious as it all looks, Techno doesn’t touch it. Ha! Can’t poison him! He’s above such conniving schemes! And also his heart is beating so fast it makes him dizzy, nauseous with terror. But also because he’s not a stupid bun that eats poisoned very bad no good definitely not delicious lettuce. 

Philza frowns when he gets the water contraption stuck in and the rabbit doesn’t go for it. Shouldn’t they be super dehydrated? But those sharp red eyes are pinned on his every movement, the bunny flinching at his every move. Probably, uh, a really bad start, but it shouldn’t be long before their beloved human called in. 

His cage is set in the middle of the room, the strange belligerent foe on the not-lab coat dragging out every last piece of furniture or object until he’s left in a barren room. The doors are closed. Drat. He still hasn’t figured out the door knobs. Nursing his bitten fingers, Philza approaches the cage and suddenly opens the door. Then he slowly backs up, and sits in the furthest corner of the room. Watching. 

Essentially the problem is thus: 1. Humans Scary already for normal rabbit. 2. BTSD (bunnyptsd), 3. JUST GOT CHASED FOR DAYS AHHH. 4. Test. This is a test. Another test with secret rules he’s designed to fail. And the moment he steps out of the cage he’ll be punished for being a bad bun. 

Philza flounders, and decides his only recourse is Reddit, frantically looking up how to repair broken trust between me (25M) and bunny (??). And then scrolls wikihows. And then plays Lofi beats to not bite Phil to. And then looks up rabbit therapists. Nothing. Nada. All the bunny does is shake in his pin for hours and glare. Which, the glaring is super adorable, but still. He looks like a little cartoon with his blood red eyes with a scar across one, all set in the itty bittiest face. Philza tells the rabbit as much. Is he imagining it glaring harder? 

Well if Techno made wants to play the waiting game, Philza has the power of YouTube and mindlessly scrolling twitter. He is NOT leaving until Technoblade has eaten something. But well his favorite streamer, Misstrixtin, just went live and he gets a little caught up in the hype train, only for him to suddenly glance up at a small squeak to find Technoblade scaled the curtains and reaching for the vent. Human and bunny blink at one another. 

And then Techno launches himself at the vent, his bumbling guard belatedly scrambling across the room. Alas! He is too late! And if this is the best humanity has to contain him with they shall be easy to conquer! Techno kicks powerfully at the vent cover separating him from freedom. It doesn’t budge, and he squeals as he plummets from lethal height. No no no! 

As admittedly short as Techno’s life is, he doesn’t even have time for it to flash before his eyes before the human snatches him out of midair, saving Techno’s life. Unluckily, his rescuer immediately slams into the prison wall, and summarily falls in an awkward heap of limbs. Yet even still managed to prevent Techno from smacking into the floor, held up in a measly triumph before carefully lowering the rabbit to his chest. 

Techno promptly kicks him in the face for thwarting him. Unintelligible uncouth language pours out of the human as Techno bounds away to find a place to hide or escape. There is none. And as Philza peels himself off the ground, Techno cowers back, bracing for the human’s revenge. Like a wrestling match the human and rabbit circle the room. Well versed in the Art of War, Techno patiently waits for the opportunity to stri- oh wait, no. His opponent rightfully fears his wrath, slipping out a door. That’s right! Flee with your nonexistent tail between your legs, vile human! Now all Techno has to do is wait at the door to escape upon his foe’s entry. Any minute now. Anyyyyy minute now-

Unfortunately due to rabbit adhd, it’s either 20 minutes or approaching the heat death of the buniverse by the time the door cracks open. Techno lunges- and is immediately caught in the dastardly, conniving hands of his mortal enemy. “Ah no you don’t mate-“ Techno squirms as he’s unceremoniously dumped back in the cage, which probably has bars of titanium and kryptonite in order to contain his bunny wrath. He snarls as the human CRUELLY and DEMEANINGLY gently prods his face with a baby carrot. Arg! Bunnies don’t even like carrot ends that much! Bugs Bunny was the worst rabbit representation ever and set back progress by decades!

“C’mon you gotta eat some time.” 

He does not, in fact. Especially if it’s an Evil Carrot, trying to Poison him. But Philza has learned to avoid getting his fingers bit. Drat. Techno was certain his intelligence rivaled that of a cockroach. 

“Fine, fine,” Philza sighs. Then he glances as at the bag of frozen peas he’s using as an ice pack. Would that be more appetizing…? Probably not. And hey, apparently he gets free carrots for a year from the local grocer. He dips one in ranch, and begins crunching. Great. Just great. At this rate Tommy might start trying to steal his rabbit. Already Philza’s been dealing with random calls claiming to own Technoblade, without proof, a name, an address, or willingness to give any identifiable features. “Y’know, if your owners don’t show up soon I’ll have to start charging you rent. At least my last roommate didn’t bite me. Just refuse to take out the trash, and break the TV, and leave dirty towels everywhere, and-“ 

The crisp snap of a carrot cuts over him as the bunny begins to chew ravenously. Poor dude is nearly choking trying to get it down so fast. Probably absolutely starving after fending off half the town. Philza raises his baby carrot in toast. “Cheers!” 

Techno sends him a glare, and turns his back pointedly as he scarfs down Probably Not Poisoned food. Then again, Techno has survived enough LD50 tests to know body mass matters, and his mortal enemy is far bigger and stronger and faster than he can hope to match. And so Techno angrily munches on his carrot and begins to scheme. This world dominance thing is harder than he’d thought it’d be…

Bunnyblade's 5-Step Plan to World Dominance

(Ok ok first as a biologist I must do my due diligence to be like, there’s actually lots of rules regarding animal experimentation and their quality of life, animal testing greatly increases the safety of BOTH humans and the environment, etc etc IACUC is extensive and thought out. However. Whump :)

Tw: referenced animal abuse, trauma, blood

Lab Bunnyblade. Blood red eyes and sleek white fur that covers up his many scars. He’s level E under the USDA Pain and Distress category. No anesthesia, no rest. Little bun who always bites when he shouldn’t and kicks at scientists and doesn’t know anything but glass and iron and white and fear.

In his immense wisdom and many years of bunny experience (he is TWO (2) whole years), Bunnyblade resolves to topple the United States Government on the grounds of unethical treatment of its citizens (born on US soil! He should get rights!). But the only obstacle between him and the country descending into anarchy is escaping the lab.

As 2 in bunny years is well over 16 in human years, it’s probably not illegal for him to drive. What? Of course he knows how to drive. Bunnyblade only doesn’t know how to break, because he’s shoved a brick on the accelerator and his widdle legs can’t reach that far. He CAN use the turn signal. He doesn’t because he’s an anarchist.

So of course the greatest evil mastermind of the 21st century escapes the lab! Determined bun. Strong bun. But alone bun. All in the cold with no idea how survival works. Bunnyblade is well familiar with human lifestyles due to deciphering human languages and that one time he stole a phone and discovered the internet (with unlimited access for an entire night! THOSE FOOLS! Those moronic scientists scarcely comprehend the monster they’ve made!). But human society turns out to be very discriminatory towards rabbits with no income, and Bunnyblade is at the mercy of the elements.

Cue Philza finding what’s obviously someone’s pet trying to eat plastic turf grass. Cue him frantically chasing down a frightened bun across the neighbor hood so he can return it. (Blast! They’ve hired goons to catch him!) Except- what the hell, this rabbit seems to be evading him no matter what. And Phil starts getting tricky with trying to corner it, but it never seems to work. But in yet another desperate bid to outrun the determined little bun, he smacks into a small child, smelling his ice cream cone. After Tommy is done cursing the stranger to hell and back, he decides he’ll show up Phil by catching the rabbit cause he’s faster and smarter and handsomer!

And then stranger Kristin sees Phil making an absolute dorky fool of himself trying to save a frightened bunny and immediately thinks oh I can’t Not wife him she should help. So now they’re flirting in between absurdly elaborate schemes to trap the bun.

More and more goons are after Bunnyblade! This is TERRIBLE! They must know his secret plans to overthrow the government! It gets up to like 20 different people chasing him around the park. His heart is racing as fast as a rab- erm- okay immediately after he takes over the government he’ll rewrite all English idioms to be more rabbit inclusive, but until then- his heart is beating so fast it hurts, throbbing in painful desperation as more and more humans hunt him down in roaming packs. There’s so many he can’t ever stop running, knowing the second he’s caught he’ll be dragged back to the lab. It'll be so much harder to escape next time, maybe impossible. Never to see the outside world again. No warm sun tousling through his white fur. No soft grass beneath his feet, healing the lines scored into toe beans by wire cage floors. No. Bunnyblade can’t go back to the lab.

So he runs. And runs. Little body aching, unused to to wide open spaces but so desperate to become used to freedom.

Philza keeps being this close to capturing the bun. Mere whiskers off! Everyone is getting more and more invested in helping, feels like half the town is chipping in. There’s multiple teams competing for who captures him first. Philza isn’t sure how, but he’s somehow become the leader, coordinating groups and strategies since somehow the rabbit manages to get capture efforts tangled up in each other to thwart both teams. Tommy insists he’s in charge, though, and to appease the twerp a little Philza says the bunny’s name is ‘Technoblade’ when asked by the news crew. Tommy came up with it off of some kids show, seems to think it’s the raddest name ever.

The joke keeps getting tossed around that this is the reincarnation of Bugs Bunny, that this is a were-rabbit and they transform midday. But for the most part Philza really does this think is a normal, albeit insanely fast and lucky, rabbit. Until when he’s right on the bun’s tail, hurling himself at them in a desperate bid to finally catch them-

Concussion. Right. P-probably just a concussion haha! And after 20 million schemes 6 trips to the ER and enough carrots* to feed a small country, (*carrot thing is a myth but Phil is dumb he don’t know that),

...they catch Technoblade. Philza is cradling the bunny to his chest and -oh, oh he’s so small and soft. Could probably be held in one hand were he not thrashing so much. Philza pants in exhaustion, grinning triumphantly. Around him everyone erupts in the quietest cheers imaginable.

Technoblade is shaking badly. His fluttering heart never seems to calm even as Philza gently strokes them. His struggles are weak, poor thing worn out from fending off dozens of persistence predators. But he's safe now.

And elsewhere, a click of a spacebar on the live news story. The screen zooms in on a blurry glimpse of the escaped lab subjected. His large, terrified red eyes that almost seem to glow.

A long, long sigh, and a latex-gloved hand picks up a phone. “We found it. But it purposefully got as many eyes on it as possible.”

[compacflt]

wow very cool. as a european i am learning a lot about the us navy and defense and everything from your blog haha! idk if you've answered this before but what made you wanna work in defense?

Russia invading ukraine on my birthday lol. though i was always interested in military history/military fiction even as a kid. that was just the watershed moment for me personally

i don’t want to work IN defense though. I want to write ABOUT defense. still not sure what that looks like exactly for me. move to DC definitely. maybe get a position at one of the twenty trillion trade publications there are around here. Or comms job, govt job, journalism job… not sure. hopefully i will figure it out ! would love to write fiction for a living but im realistic enough to know that’s an oxymoron

(Also, side note, i am very flattered, & i know i say this somewhat often but i feel the need to repeat it every once in a while… please don’t take anything i say on this blog / ESPECIALLY in my writing as fact. i misrepresent stuff and get stuff wrong all the time, sometimes on purpose for story reasons. I try my best but i simply lack experience & worldview and have spent functionally zero time being an Adult or having to deal with Adult topics [still do not know what a 401k is!]. for instance if you even mention the words “security clearance” or “congressional confirmation hearing” in the general vicinity of my fics, the plot, nay, the entire CONCEPT, goes up in flames, as i discuss in this post. i really appreciate this comment don’t get me wrong But there are definitely better/more accurate places to learn about these topics than a 20y.o. A&D intern who is only just beginning their career & is still confused about many of the basics of real life. I have a lot of growing up still left to do & you really don’t have to listen to me)

[turtleblogatlast]

Something I like about Leo is that he’s honestly really chill? It’s easy to remember the moments where he’s being obnoxious or excitable but I feel like most of the time he’s incredibly “go with the flow” and has an overall affable demeanor.

[path-of-blue-eyes]

One would say it's fascinating in how they seemed to be such opposites. Yugi could cry and express his emotions so easily, while Seto quite literally couldn't cry anymore. An answer to why is lost to him, sometimes he wonders if it's due to his childhood or simply so arrogant that he thinks crying is beneath him, but moments like this often felt like the other was crying for him.

"I'm sure you understand now why it took me so long." Who knew that one's burning passion for a rivalry was actually deeply rooted feelings of love that he couldn't seem to comprehend for years. When he thinks about it, perhaps it was having this clarity after returning to Duat and the two of them actually talking to each other that gave him the clarity he needed to know these feelings he's held for so many years.

"I like the idea, of you by my side. Maybe it wouldn't be terrible to have someone support me sometimes." Someone to keep him moving the head, and shooing away the shadows that left him haunted every time he found himself alone with his thoughts.

A low hum of amusement comes from Seto, adoration over the way Yugi so cutely cuddles into his body like that of a cat. He moves their intertwined hands to his lips, to place a kiss to his fingertips and then his knuckles. "That's...Shocking actually. I'm in most magazines and articles, but I suppose I might be in magazines a mother probably wouldn't find entertaining." Things like business and technology, probably not a huge shock but...Wasn't his posters for the duel disks everywhere!?

The idea sounds weird to him, fitting into a family. Seto only knew himself, aside from Mokuba, as a replacement for someone else's son and a toy to break from the only other time he's been in a 'family'. "...What's it like, to grow up with your mother and grandfather? I only had my parents when I was a child, and my grandparents died before I was born." Then there was his extended family that he refused to try and talk to, but he imagines Yugi's family was tiny so even he didn't know about what a big family was like.

"In that case...You have a lot of friends, maybe some of them wouldn't mind helping to take over later on." Though he doesn't think many of Yugi's friends had dreams, out of a pure lack of understanding friendships. "There's many ways you can still keep a business without having to sell it, you could be a manager and hire people with your vision. Of course, I'll run the background checks and 24-hour surveillance." Is latter normal to do?

𝐘𝐔𝐔𝐆𝐈  𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐒  𝐈𝐍  𝐀  𝐒𝐋𝐎𝐖 ,    𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆  𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇     in  an  attempt  to  get  his    thrashing  heart     to  settle  down .     aside  from  the  dizzying  throb  in  his  chest ,     however ,     he  feels  so    [     .  .  .     ]     relaxed ,     and    𝒔𝒂𝒇𝒆  ,     which  only  serves  to  strengthen  his  belief  that  his  home  is  wherever  he  can  be  with  seto .     even  back  when  they  were  clueless  teenagers ,     yuugi  knew  that  he  never  felt  as    𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄     as  he  does  when  he’s  with  seto ;     never  feels  complete  unless  he’s  by  his  side .     in  the  past ,     he’d  thought  it  had  simply  been  because  seto  is  a  one  of  a  kind  talent  and  mind  alike    ━━━━     someone  who  not  only    challenges  yuugi     and  pushes  him  to    climb  ever  higher     in  his  quest  for  greatness  and  fulfillment ,     but  whose  overflowing  passion  compliments  and  even    𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐬     his  own .    being  with  seto  was  an    𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗟𝗘𝗦𝗦  𝗧𝗛𝗥𝗜𝗟𝗟  ,     and  it    still  is ,   but  now ,     there’s  a  comfortable  place  for  him  to  rest ,     somewhere  they  can  fully  intertwine  in  an    𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔  𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆  ,     falling  into  each  other  in  an  infinite  loop  like    yin     &     yang  .   

            despite  the    𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞  𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐲     of  all  he’s  feeling  for  the  other  man,     yuugi  giggles  when  seto  gives  him  that    𝒄𝒂𝒕  -  𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆  𝒏𝒖𝒅𝒈𝒆  ,     nuzzling  him  right  back  with    𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑑  𝑒𝑦𝑒𝑠     and  a    beaming  smile .    “     i  think  i  would  have  had  a  heart  attack  if  you  proposed  then  ,     ”     he  admits ,     pulling  back  just  to  drown  in  those    𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍  𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒     once  again ,     welcoming  the    gorgeous  blue     filling  his  lungs .    “     i  went  all  those  years  trying  to  convince  myself  that  it  was  okay  that  you  didn’t  want  me  back  ,     meanwhile  ,     you  were  ready  to  have  me  forever     [     .  .  .     ]     i  guess  i’m  not  as  perceptive  as  i  thought  i  was  .     ”     that ,     or  he’d  just  been    too  afraid     to  dive  into  the    𝒂𝒃𝒚𝒔𝒔  𝒐𝒇  𝒉𝒊𝒔  𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈     for  seto ,     knowing  that  once  he’d  acknowledged  it  aloud ,     he’d  rescind   𝗔𝗡𝗬  𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗘    of  finding  his  way  back  to  the  surface .     but  now  that  he’s  free -  falling  in  seto’s  infinite  blue ,     he  finds  that  he’s    never     been  this    𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲  𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲  .     that    leap  of  faith     he’d  taken  when  he  kissed  him  on  the  eve  of  a  new  year ,    a  new  beginning ,     had  landed  him  somewhere  he’d  been    𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈  𝒐𝒇     since  he  was  a  child .

             “     well     [     .  .  .     ]     now  ,     when  you  look  behind  yourself  ,     maybe  it  won’t  be  so  scary  .     𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆  𝒊’𝒍𝒍  𝒃𝒆  𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆  ,     supporting  you  all  the  way  ,     even  when  you  don’t  need  me  .     ”     again ,     these    𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥  𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬     seem  to  just  pour  out  of  him  like  a  leaking  faucet ,     but  he  can’t  hold  it  in ,     even  if  he  had  incentive  to  try .    𝐒𝐄𝐓𝐎  𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃  𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖     that  yuugi  is  here  for  him ,    𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔     &     𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚  ,     outpouring  love  and  offering  all  his  strength .     he  knows  his  beloved  had  spent  so  many  years  thinking ,    knowing ,   he  couldn’t  rely  on  anyone ,     that  he  didn’t  have  anyone  with    𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐞  𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬     wanting  only  the  best  for  him .     but  now ,     he  has  yuugi    ━━━━     he’s  had  him    𝗕𝗘𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗘  𝗛𝗘  𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗡  𝗞𝗡𝗘𝗪  𝗛𝗘  𝗗𝗜𝗗  ,     and  hopefully ,     it  will  make  all  the  difference  as  he  heals  his  wounded  heart .

            as  if  seto’s  a    𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒏𝒆𝒕  𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈  𝒉𝒊𝒎  𝒊𝒏  ,     yuugi  scoots  closer  to  him  on  the  couch ,     until  he’s  nestled  into  his  side ,     cheek  resting  at  the  junction  of  his    𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭     &     𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫  .    he  reaches  for  his  hand ,     too ,     threading  his  fingers  into  the  spaces  between  seto’s  and  squeezing  him  lightly ,    𝐅𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐋𝐘  .    “     if  it’s  any  consolation  ,     my  mom  will  love  you  .     she’s  probably  the  only  person  in  the  whole  city  who  doesn’t  know  who  you  are  ,     so  she  doesn’t  have  any  preconceived  ideas  about  you  ,     aside  from  what  i’ve  told  her  ,     ”    and ,     naturally ,     yuugi  has  only  spoken  of  seto  as  if  he’d  been    𝑠𝑒𝑛𝑡  𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚  𝑡ℎ𝑒  ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑠  .    “     as  for  grandpa  ,     well     [     .  .  .     ]     he’s  not  really  one  to  hold  a  grudge  .     and  he  knows  how  much  you  mean  to  me  ,     even  if  he  doesn’t  know  we’re  a  couple  ,     yet  ,     so  it’ll  be  okay  .     you’ll  fit  right  into  the  family  .     just  maybe  not  physically     ━━━━     your  neck  will     𝒅𝒆𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒚  𝒉𝒖𝒓𝒕     from  having  to  look  down  at  us  all  the  time  .     ”     a  bright ,     mirthful  laugh  floods  past  his  lips  at  that .     yuugi  is  the    tallest  in  his  family ,    after  all ,     and  seto  is  likely  already  feeling  the  strain  of  his  efforts  in  keeping  eye  contact  with  him .

            leaning  deeper  into  his  lover ,     yuugi  sighs  softly ;     the  kind  of    𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭  𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝     one  makes  when  they’re    immaculately  comfortable .    “     i  mean  ,     i  wouldn’t  know  ,     but  i  think  your  ideas  about  what’s  expensive  and  what  isn’t  are  a  little  warped  ,     ”     teases  yuugi ,     an  affectionate  simper  spread  along  soft ,     rosy  lips .    “     either  way  ,     i  don’t  know  if  grandpa  would  be  on  board  .     we  do  live  above  the  shop  ,     after  all  ,     and  even  after  i  move  out  ,     he  and  mom  have  pretty  much  spent  the  last  twenty  years  there  .     ”     there’s  a  pause ,     wherein  yuugi  tries  to  imagine  what  it  would  be  like  for  the    𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐄  𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄     to  be    [     .  .  .     ]    part  of  kaibacorp .   that  would  be  crazy ,     wouldn’t  it .ᐣ.ᐣ     and  a  little    too  corporate     for  grandpa’s  tastes .     yuugi  knows  him  well  enough ,     can  already  hear  the  rant  about  big  corporations    sucking  the  life     out  of  his  honest  business .    “     i    am     a  little  worried  about  the  future  of  the  shop  .     i’d  always  thought  i’d  take  over  once  grandpa  was  ready  to  fully  retire  ,     but  i  have  other  dreams  ,     now     [     .  .  .     ]     i  guess  i  could  try  to  do  both  ,     since  selling  it  would  break  my  heart  ,     but  i’m  still  not  sure  how  to  go  about  it  all  .     and  i’m  running  out  of  time  to  figure  it  out  .     ”

            yuugi’s  brow  wrinkles  as  this  matter  that’s  been    𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠  𝐨���  𝐡𝐢𝐬  𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭    comes  to  light  once  more .     but  once  talk  of  a  ring  starts  up ,     yuugi’s  heart  flutters ,     and  his    𝒅𝒆𝒋𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒅  𝒑𝒐𝒖𝒕     spreads  into  another    𝗕𝗘𝗔𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚  𝗚𝗥𝗜𝗡  .    “     just  keep  in  mind  i’ve  got     𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒍  𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔  ,     seto  -  kun  .     if  the  ring  is  too  heavy  ,     i’ll  have  a  hard  time  doing  anything  .     ”