#I hate my psychology

[3lloa]

Me next week on tuesday (I missed my psychologist appointments so MANY times that now I'm being forced to go🥰❤️❤️)

I made something

[catboy-beckett]

Kim Kitsuragi is a fascinating character because there's not that much fun or interesting or compelling about him. And yet somehow over the course of playing Disco Elysium the game rewires your fucking brain around him. He's the middest man you've ever seen in both appearance and personality but at some point he says something kind to you or something critical of you and you feel like you just got hit by a truck and you need his approval like you need oxygen and like how tf did this happen. what are you

[applestorms]

L can be such a possessive character at times. he always strikes me as the type of person who is deeply aware of everything that he owns, both in a more literal sense and metaphorically-- like, he knows what money he has and how to use it, what resources are readily available to him and what he has to be sneakier to utilize, the habits and tendencies and emotional states of individuals and world governments both. the DN musical really puts an emphasis on the more computer-y aspects of how his brain functions, which isn't as obvious in the manga/anime but i think still works well as a way to follow his thinking. it's kinda what near does too: everything is a factor to them, every tiny detail a new opening to optimize for the best results, every person and location and object a part of a puzzle waiting to be solved. and as a part of that, L is deeply aware of every and any little thing he may or may not have control over, and exactly to what degree.

his habit of stealing titles as depicted in the LABB murders novel is such a good example of this. ryuzaki, eraldo coil, deneuve. he eats people alive and then takes their names for himself like some kind of fucked up fae or trickster god, creating new masks and personas to hide behind from the remains of the people he's devoured. i have to wonder if he would've used the title of KIRA for himself had he won-- i can hardly imagine what kind of power such a title could hold if held in his hands. of course, he could've just used the defeat of KIRA as a way to build up the L title even further, offering up the body of a dead god like perseus showing off the head of medusa. but L is so emotionally attached to the kira case, i struggle to see him allowing it to fade from existence so thoroughly as near does, even if it is only kept close on a private level...

this is part of why i think it genuinely makes a lot of sense that L's ultimate win state would include capturing light to some degree. even if the memory of KIRA somehow manages to fully disappear from the public consciousness, there is no fucking way L is letting light yagami out of his grasp. honestly, the moment that L truly loses this game is not when he starts investigating misa while still under rem's watch, not when light gets back his memories, not even when he dies, but the moment when he allows light to be freed from the handcuffs. the moment when he allows the other members of the task force to turn off the cameras and keep him from watching light and misa talk in the lobby. the moment when he gives up, lets light yagami go outside of L's personal sphere of control, is the moment when L starts the clock ticking down to the end of his own life.

this is one of the key ways in which i see light as a true equal and parallel to L, as after L's death he, intentionally or no, continues the same tradition and takes L's title for himself, twisting the two sides together into the L-KIRA amalgamation. only, the L title functions a little bit differently than every other persona or title that we see in the series-- because L's true name is L. that's all that he is. on a literal, legal, and emotional level, i don't think that L is anything more than L. he is the world's greatest detective, he's an incredible, weirdo super genius, but he does not afford himself much more than that, barely allows himself personhood or humanity outside of his work. light was the one to ultimately defeat L because he did not just put a stain on his character (as BB attempted), did not just kill him, but stole his very identity and took it for himself.

one of the biggest contradictions of L's character that i think you must accept should you attempt to portray him accurately is that he is both deeply detached from humanity while also having all of his work and effort and life be focused around saving it. it's one of the ways in which he is an exact opposite to light-- where light relies on humanity for external validation, to be Seen, while also looking down on it as dumb and immoral and spineless, L is so separated from it that he barely exists as a person, all the while dedicating almost every action he takes to helping it. remember: for all the emotional turmoil that wammy's house and the legacy of L may put on the kids living there, ultimately it's entire existence is nothing more than L's logical solution to his potential demise. if he dies, the world goes down with him, all of the cases that are yet to happen and he is yet to solve being left in the air. he has the foresight to set up a fail safe, but not to consider the emotional implications of what being that fail safe might feel like, how high the price of your own humanity is if you are not already alienated from it, the inability to have your own name on your gravestone-- though perhaps some of the blame also falls on watari's shoulders in this case, philanthropic old bastard that he is.

imo, playing his game really got it right in presenting L and light as one and the same, synonyms on either side of the mirror. in every action they take they are both so selfishly selfless, playing the game for themselves and their own pleasure but plastering the needs and will of humanity on top of it. L isn't invested in saving humanity for the sake of humanity-- he just likes the thrill of having the stakes raised so high. hard to shit on ryuk for wanting entertainment when the humans he finds are just the same as him.

[visillantopng]

Through wreckage! Through silence! Wash it away!

— — — — — — — — — —

I thought I could possibly give myself a mental break from the worst fixation of my life (Jimmy) by taking my ADHD medication … and instead of doing my work like I’d hoped, I neglected a drawing of Jimmy to start (and finish) another one … in one sitting . . !!

Im sorry guys hes just fun to draw in the worst way possible

[melonae]

my disdain for Jimmy is so massive that I cannot express it any other way than putting him in awfully inconvenient situations

[creekfiend]

deeply underrated type of song for a band to write, imo, is "I hate touring, I miss my wife"

many good examples of this genre out there

[mitskiluvr]

sorry i’m a megumi apologist because i, too, would lay on the floor crying and throwing up if i was just forced to watch my own hands tear apart my sister and the man who raised me

[justfeelme]

I just want kill myself but i’m scared. I guess i’m just coward…

[pixxlotl]

186 million tumblr users means there is a roughly 2% chance my psych professor is on this site. If by chance you are on tumblr, since prior communications have failed, answer my fucking emails it has been three weeks

[whiskerknittles]

*sweating* alright listen to me guys, listen, hear me out, LISTEN-

So. I just spent the last 48 hours reading, then grieving over, then channeling my grief from this fic, Learning to Lose by komodobits. If you can't guess by the skates, it's an AU. It's an unfinished AU, which is largely where my grief comes from, especially as the (current) last two chapters pretty much tear out your soul and crush it to dust.

But guys. The style. The characterization. The literally everything about it--so so good. And SO FUCKING LONG (affectionate). Then again it's by the same author who wrote the wonderful fic Easy as Anything, so really why am I surprised?

I enjoyed this fic so much that I absolutely had to draw fanart for it, and not only fanart, but (possibly?) my first fully colored, fully shaded piece of Red Dwarf art--at least the first in many, many years. Fuck this fic is so good. It will hurt you, be warned.

I included the full version as well as an unshadowed version (in case the shadows make it a bit hard to see) and also a version without a background, since the background is, well, bad. It's just a blurry mass so I mean, it can't really be *good* per se, so I'm not too worried about it. And finally, in the spirit of how my RD art is usually colored, here's a blue-ish purple-ish gray-ish (depending on what screen you're looking at) version! Just for funsies.

komodobits, if you're on tumblr, I love you. How could you do this to me. I'll be thinking about this fic for the rest of time. Thanks for the brain worms. <3

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

and if i said suguru’s relationship with weakness (’the preciousness of the weak, the ugliness of the weak’) was born out of his feelings towards his mother …

[basedonconjecture]

I just read a critique on how the fandom treats Caterina, flattening her into a wholly morally objectionable character beyond her treatment of her grandsons rather than engaging with the nuance of a matriarch who is balancing her grip on power with the survival of her family. And I…have to agree that this is largely what I’ve seen myself and, while unsurprised, am somewhat disappointed by.

I want to be as delicate as I can here but there does seem to be a fair amount of players projecting their familial traumas onto Caterina, specifically, as well as the dynamics of the Dellamortes as a whole without accounting for their actual characterizations. There is certainly a form of catharsis in working through painful things within us using characters we relate to (and you can, of course, write whatever you want) so this isn’t me saying there’s anything conceptually wrong with this practice as a general rule. It is only me (calmly, gently) suggesting that a bit of circumspection about Caterina when writing her is, in my opinion, necessary. Not only to give space to a character who, by the very nature of them, IS complex but also in accurately depicting Lucanis’ (and, by extension Illario’s) relationship to her.

This isn’t to absolve Caterina of the choices she made or the harm she caused but there is something to be said about how there is far more sympathy for a man willing to sacrifice thousands of people for a lost cause than a woman trying to make the best decisions she could in the position she was in. I’m not going to say them here but I’m sure my meaning is clear.

I will say, while I think wanting to write Lucanis getting away from the Crows comes from a generally well-meaning place, I do think there are few ways to do so that wouldn’t strip him entirely of his agency unless you are engaging with Caterina (and his relationship with her) in a meaningful way. And this includes grappling with the murkier aspects such as grief and the love that remains for a person who has caused you harm. Most of all, it requires Lucanis making this decision himself. Not Rook or anyone else. Personally, I don’t think it’s a path that is super consistent with his character but that’s just my own interpretation. Again, write what you want. How you want. But I do think the themes of regret and forgiveness can be applied to the Dellamortes in a much more nuanced (and satisfying) way than Rook (or Neve) “saving” Lucanis from his terrible family as much as they may want to. Which can be an interesting angle to take in a post-VG relationship, conflict is important for relationship growth, but it becomes rather shallow if it is solely depicted as Caterina hating Rook/Neve or treating them poorly and/or doesn’t take into account Lucanis’ feelings, only pitting his family against them in a sort of forced choice situation, etc.

tl;dr the fandom’s treatment of Caterina largely kindaaaaa squashes any nuance there and I don’t wike it *whinewhinewhine* :(

[yellowocaballero]

Continuing the JJK posting: Gojo is such a mystifying character.

Action show where swinging out the gate you introduce a character who is so incredibly powerful you then have to, before every fight, establish why Gojo can't just show up and fix the problem in seconds. His existence weakens the stakes of everything. The rest of the show you are backflipping ridding yourself of him. He jobs two major bad guys off the gate and every subsequent extensive fight with them feels like cleaning up his leftovers. Put him in a box, he's ruining the game balance. So absolutely broken. As a writer it makes your job so difficult, but it's also the entire point of him. "Hey I want to write the single most badass character of all time who can do the most insane shit but I will also engage with that", rock on king.

I think he's most interesting when understood as somebody who is fundamentally alien and removed from ordinary human thought processes. In his world there is absolutely nothing he cannot do, and the thought 'maybe I can't do something' just doesn't occur to him. He is capable of doing whatever he wants and of killing anybody who tries to stop him from doing what he wants. If he is not doing something, it is because he does not want to do it. If he wants to do something (kill all of his superiors) and he's not doing it, it's because he doesn't think it's the most effective route towards what he has decided to do. I think this informs the majority of his actions (and, importantly, what he doesn't do)(murder). I think he's reasoned out that you should have a general reason to do things, and it feels like sheer luck that he places value and meaning in human life, and as such you shouldn't kill them without a strong reason. Watching the flashback arc, if I hadn't seen a) JJK and b) Naruto and you asked me which shitty teen became a law abiding school teacher and which became a mass murderer I would have guessed the wrong ones.

Anyway, the way I like to think of him, he's a raging narcissist with a god complex to match. Horrifically, he's actually a good teacher, but he is also a teacher as an ego/'raising my child army' thing. He would be the kind of mother who is a good mother but lowkey had kids also as an ego/unconditional love/lots of attention/'surely my child will worship me' thing. Gets randomly into new hobbies, obsesses over them, gorges himself on the novelty factor, before dropping them in a week once he gets too good at them. Rinse and repeat. The only hobby that does not eventually grow boring is annoying people, so it's his only hobby. Geto told him age 15 that he'll never have any friends if he keeps on casually reminding people that they live on his sufferance, so he developed another back-up hobby more conducive for friendship of helping people forget that they live on his sufferance. This has convinced him that he's a god of subterfuge, intrigue, and trickery. Does eat women out, but is convinced that this makes him God's gift to women, and is actually pretty terrible in bed because his partner's desires never even occur to him. Is convinced he's as good at sex as he is everything else. Sex is actually the one thing he's bad at, but he's not ready to hear that.

In S1 he overall left me with the general impression that his entire idea of how high school worked was sourced from anime, and as such decided that being a teacher involved nothing but field trips, sports games, beach episodes, sports festivals, etc. Did not know how the classroom component worked so he skips it. Jossed, but also left me convinced that it would be very funny if he was an immortal 150-whatever years old and had founded the high school himself out of, you guessed it, an ego thing, and never once properly learned how high schools worked and just arbitrarily made his own aging students the new principals so he could continue engaging in training the kids who are too Misfit (TM) to get apprenticeships and living his fun slice of life anime life and raising a child army of kids who will worship him any day now. Annnyyyy day now. Any day now.

[killugon-truther]

“illumi loves killua, it’s just toxic/twisted.”

illumi literally views killua as his property that is his to control as he pleases. all he ever does is abuse & manipulate killua, so how about we stop calling it “love” and start calling it what it ACTUALLY is?

wanting to constantly control, manipulate, hurt, & abusive someone is NOT fucking love, pls learn that, and fast. it’s a bit concerning and incredibly disappointing that some of you don’t know that already, seriously. 💀

genuinely, get some help if you think that shit is “love”.

[foldingfittedsheets]

Literally every time I start to reply to a shitty comment: I should probably just block them….

A few sentences in when I realize they have misinterpreted everything I said as a personal attack: Yeah, my bad. I’ll just block them.

[basuralindo]