#I hate my feelings

[sweetbonbon]

I feel like a ghost. Not a ghost that people come to see not a ghost the people make an effort to communicate with, a forgotten ghost. One that spends its days alone. Wondering the place they once called home. Forced to watch in silence as people come and go. Always forgotten but will never forget.

[yanxcord]

Everytime I see them talk about someone else i literally want to impale myself on spikes. Mention your ex or favourite person to me again and I’ll literally record my suicide and send it to you

[xobeyourselfxo]

Beautiful🍑

[halfdeadjasontodd]

idk what i feel

so yesterday one of my friends (lets call her Lily) who i’ve only known for a few months invited me out with one of her friends (lets call her Marlene). So Lily claims that i’m one of her bestest friends ever, and that i get her like no one else does, blablabla… yk the usual. And Marlene and Lily have been best friends for YEARS. So naturally when i go with them i feel awkward. Marlene keeps telling me how well she knows Lily and i dont look too deep into it but i dont feel nice around her im getting bad vibes. Marlene has to bring her little brother with her so he’s stuck with us. On the bus ride to the mall, Marlene and Lily keep talking inside shit with each other, whenever Lily talks to me Marlene distracts her again, and that should have been an obvious sign that Marlene doesnt like me BUT OH GOD LILY IS SO INNOCENT. me being me tho i dont make a big deal out of it i just pull on the hood of my jacket and pretend to scroll through tiktok. everyone buys that im fine cuz im Emo™ i dont talk much anyway right? by the time we get to the mall and get food Lily is talking to me a bit again and i feel okay for a while, then we get to a table which has 4 seats (2 people on each side). Lily moves to sit beside me but Marlene asks Lily to sit with her. Lily’s worried bout me and asks me if im fine with it but i pretend i dont care when i actualy fucking do care we go to the library later, where i pretty much get ignored once more. i tell them i wanna go search for a book and disappear for a long time, i just wanna be by myself. the library is one of my fav places on earth, its supposed to be a safe haven, but i feel so sad and EMPTY like i had been such a dumb bitch if i actually thought that anyone here actually cared about me when i finally went back so they wouldnt worry, Lily was the only one who actually noticed my absence. I fake a smile once more but its SO FUCKING HARD I CANT KEEP DOING THIS i thought that maybe once we got home i could get a chance to talk to Lily alone, but NOOOO when we reached our neighbourhood Marlene said she was going the same way as me, and told me she enjoyed the day and invited me out again next week. so when i get home i fake having had fun so my parents wouldn’t worry, and i see photos of today that Marlene posted on her Insta and GUESS WHAT every photo is taken perfectly so that only her and Lily would be seen so yeah it was a shitty day. i feel so empty. i was actualy looking forward to this… i fucking hate that bitch

[lunaalchemist]

With the death of my drawing tablet, I was dumb and didn't do backups of all my drawings 😟

So I had to resort to looking though old messages and such to find most that I never posted, which led me to going down some dark rabbit holes... I saw photos of conversations past which made me reflect, how could some people you loved and adored with all your heart once turn into people you hate just because they tore your heart to shreds and sadness for those friends you lost because you couldn't stop them becoming a monster.

Morale of this escapade is back up your god damn files but furthermore don't look back it makes you really sad and upset.

[mochasucculent]

Dumb thing that would not leave my brain

[vamprisms]

i feel like a lot of the 'i hate kids' crowd would be more tolerant if they understood that due to a kid's limited experience of the world that 4 hour flight might just be the longest they've ever had to sit still for or that trapped finger might literally be the most pain they've ever felt in their short life or they might not have ever seen a person with pink hair ever so of course they want to touch it or nobody's told them yet that they can't run around the museum and they only just learned cheetahs are the fastest animals so of course they want to put that to the test. how were they supposed to know etc etc.

[lesbxdyke]

I could think of no better way to share the news than this!

So when I was 17, my cat went missing and I'd given up hope of ever seeing him again.

Until on Monday, 27th of May, 2024, my friend sent me a FB post asking 'isn't that your mother?' about the person named on the microchip.

Here he is! 16 years old, and found safe, twelve whole years after he went missing!

Yesterday (Tuesday the 28th of May, 2024) I went to the rescue that had him, and I reclaimed my boy, renaming him Artie! (He'd originally been called 'Cat' because my mother and I couldn't decide on a name)

He's home safe with me now, currently inhabiting my bathroom and purring up a storm every time someone goes in there!

I'll be doing slow introductions between him and my current cat to give them the best possible chance of living in harmony!

Here's some pictures of Artie once we let him out of the carrier:

[jstanotherblackhairedgirl]

Can I stop falling for someone that I know I won't ever have a chance with because of circumstances? Smoking is becoming the only thing that can even gently distract me from all the thoughts and feelings rushing through my head. I'm mostly just tired of not understanding if he actually feels something like I do or if he's just being a friend. He's so kind to me though, he listens to the words I say even if they don't 100% make sense. He's there for me even when I feel like I have no one. I know he probably is just being friendly, and I'm just being a hopeless romantic probably. But why do you have to give me everything i had been asking for in a relationship without anything romantic involved? Why do you have to show me so many things you like?.. It makes me fall for him each time he tells me another movie to watch or a song I should listen to. He knows me so well but doesn't and I don't know what to say or how to say it. I just want to enjoy or friendship so I don't lose someone as amazing as him in my life.

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[sweetbonbon]

I’m a fraud

I walk around as something I’m not

Faking something great

The craving to be something more then average

It’s all consuming

Seeing the greats, knowing deep down I’ll never be like them

Trying everything, trying to be great at something

But only ever being average

Me: the fraud

[xobeyourselfxo]

Sundays mood 😈

[meyerlansky]

ON the subject of undernegotiated kink in fanfiction. i think we should talk more about how the concept of "not talking about it" is just as much wish fulfillment for some people as "in-depth, therapy-speak conversations where everyone is clear and understood" is for others

like yes, in reality the antidote to shame is open honest conversation with someone who will validate your feelings and wants blah blah blah but SOMETIMES what i want out of my fanfic is characters being understood without having to expose themselves in that way. SOMETIMES it's fun to not dismantle the shame and repression all the way and to instead treat that understanding-despite-not-being-clear as the fantasy

[littleonehisu]

Oct, 6, 24

[southpauz]

DO YOU BLEED?

[itsscaredycat]

“in all timelines, in all possibilities, only you”