#I had two goals when writing this: | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

infinitelyweary · 25 days ago

Text

Louis Unreliable Narrator Rant

It rly does piss me off bc some ppl with 100 percent sincerity refer to Louis as “a liar”. I keep scrolling past a fanfic on ao3 that called him “the duke of deception” or some shit

What does Louis ever lie about???

(besides armand/rashid but a. obvs that was an armand decision since armand is The Canonical Liar even though ppl don’t always act like it for some reason, and b. that doesn't concern Louis's veracity in telling the story of his past cuz armand/rashid is in the present)

Anything Louis gets “wrong” about his story are details he’s suppressed due to trauma/misremembered/or interpreted differently from others ("lestat") due to his state of mind. None of these things are lying. Unreliable narrator does not mean LIAR bc thats not how stories work. MEMORY IS A MONSTER is the tagline of his story. MEMORY IS A MONSTER - You FORGET, it doesn't. Not "MEMORY MAKES YOU LIE ABOUT THINGS" or "LYING IS A MONSTER" or "LOUIS LIES A LOT AND LOVES IT BC HE'S A MONSTER"!

~Louis' more prominent discrepancies:~

-Was it raining: He doesn't remember. Not a lie

-Claudia's reaction after Lestat's "death": Louis is demonstrably traumatized by the attempt to kill Lestat and has repressed some of the aftermath of that night due to that trauma. He literally doesn't remember Claudia's objections/choking her. When Daniel points out that she sounds upset with him in her diaries, those memories come flooding back - as we see in little jarring bits of flashback. Those jarring flashbacks are Louis REMEMBERING WHAT HAPPENED. If Louis was purposefully "lying" those flashbacks wouldn't resurface in that way: the show is (very effectively) presenting that information in the same way you would be confronted with a traumatic memory. Louis is visibly rattled by this and has to run and kneel in his traumagarden to process this bc HE LITERALLY HASNT PROCESSED IT BC HES BEEN REPRESSING IT FOR 80 YEARS Not a lie

-Could Claudia dream or not: She wrote in her diary that she couldn't and he believed her. Not a lie

Then the trial flashbacks

(For the sake of argument I’ll assume "Lestat’s" versions of events we see flashbacks of in the trial are more accurate depictions than Louis’ original descriptions bc that is essentially the way they are framed and Louis tells Daniel to use that version in the book)

ALTHOUGH IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE: THESE ARE ALSO A PART OF LOUIS’ DESCRIPTION OF EVENTS!!!! Lestat is not present at the interview, Louis is. Lestat is not turning to the camera and breaking the fourth wall to tell us his version; Louis says that as Lestat spoke he felt transported back to those events and was seeing them differently. That's why we see them in flashback. We cannot have a true flashback from Lestat's perspective in s1-2 bc Lestat is not here to tell his story (and it would break the entire structure of the show). Any flashback we see is Louis' recounting. In the case of the trial, Louis is literally recounting Lestat recounting a version of events that Louis is then recalling and processing with added context (this show is a mindfuck).

So even the more “”TRUE”” version ppl like to use as evidence of Louis’s “”lies”” is also coming from Louis!!!!! Louis is the one correcting his own account!!!

The show is built around Louis telling Daniel/the audience his story. Anything we see of the past storyline (New Orleans-Paris) comes from Louis's mouth or Claudia's diaries (and sometimes Armand). Lestat is not a part of any of this. People who frame Lestat is some truth-teller revealing the "REAL story" behind Louis's "lies" is forgetting that Lestat is not part of the interview. Any ""truth"" Lestat tells is coming from LOUIS.

Some quotes from 207 bc I don't have a disc drive on my macbook to screenshot my blu-ray lol

This is our transition into the first nola flashback

<Armand: Lestat stood on that stage, took all the familiar pieces of Louis's life, defiled them, bent them into a Lestat-shaped effigy.>

(Including this to show that even though Armand is co-narrating this part of the story, Armand was ready to discount everything Lestat said. He frames Lestat as taking 'familiar pieces of Louis's life' aka the events as Louis recalls them, and 'defiling and bending them' aka changing/misrepresenting them to make Lestat look better. Any representation of "Lestat's perspective" being valid/"true" is coming from Louis's mouth)

<Louis: But some...Some of it now...

Daniel: What?

Louis: I remember...being out of my body at the time. I was in Paris, but also in New Orleans. Lestat took me there.>

The flashback is Louis remembering things differently, not Lestat's own memory.

-Claudia's turning: Louis's and "Lestat's" account actually don't differ that much. Lestat has a few extra lines of dialogue and is more emotional, Louis tries to turn Claudia himself and begs more profusely, but the basic events are the same. Louis brings Claudia in as she is dying, begs Lestat to turn her and Lestat does it. Louis was near hysterical in this moment so he didn't recall it with complete accuracy. Not a lie!

<Lestat: But he was in a terrible panic. Guilt had seized reason. Claudia on the ledge of death.>

...

<Louis (at the trial, to Claudia and the audience, looking visibly confused): It's not how it happened.

Louis (in Dubai): It is how it happened. I didn't think it at the time. But...yeah.>

As Louis realizes he misremembered events, he corrects himself. We see him do this several times over the series. We also see him insist he wants to get "every detail right" and "wants to remember". Where are people seeing a lying liar who delights in lies???? The whole purpose of the interview is "truth and reconciliation"?????????

-Coffin room exchange: This is one of the most traumatic events in the series/Louis's life so I think it goes without saying that he wouldn't be able to recall it with complete accuracy BUT ALSO!! We see the domestic abuse in 105 recounted from Claudia's perspective. We go from Louis narrating Claudia's diary entry about realizing she was made to be Louis's sister, to her returning home and the ensuing violence as it was witnessed through her eyes. She can hear snippets of an argument but was not privy to what happened in the coffin room. The only part of this that is from Louis's recollection is when Lestat takes Louis into the sky, and we return to Claudia's perspective after Louis is dropped.

The coffin room exchange was omitted in Louis's original telling because it isn't in Claudia's diary entry. If you think about it in-universe, Louis is reading Claudia's diary to Daniel describing the violence breaking out - then they go into the coffin room, Claudia is slumped on the floor outside the room trying to catch her breath, and then Lestat bursts through the wall with Louis - when Claudia watches Louis taken into the sky, Louis would naturally feel the need to fill the gap of 'what happened' before he plummeted to the ground, bc Claudia is certainly wondering what happened in her diary entry. It wouldn't necessarily make sense for Louis to interject over Claudia's entry (describing her feelings at hearing them through the wall, being convinced the violence was over and attempting to recover and then her fear at seeing violence break out again) to say "hey also me and Lestat exchanged words in the coffin room", there just isn't a natural narrative gap there like there would be for Louis/Lestat vanishing into the sky.

But I think more likely Louis doesn't remember the coffin room exchange BECAUSE we see a flashback of it in 207 and as I've established, these flashbacks are Louis remembering things. They are not a direct line to Lestat's memories, because Lestat is not in the interview to recount his own memories, and even a memory he recounts during the trial is being recalled by Louis in the Dubai present. Outside of Claudia's diaries, we only ever have access to Louis's memories of things (barring 205). There is a clear slant towards Lestat's POV in the coffin room memory, so I think it's safe to assume it's Louis recalling the memory as Lestat presents it during the trial. Part of why I think this is the basic framing, but also there are a couple lines of dialogue from Claudia's POV in 105 that we don't hear in 207 specifically when she is sitting outside the coffin room:

this part we hear in both POVs

<Louis: It's okay. We're done. It's over. Stay where you are, okay?>

this part we only hear in Claudia's POV

<Louis: We had it out*. We just...[coughing] need a moment here. [coughs] Just...[gasps]>

The second dialogue time-wise lines up with a moment in Lestat's 207 POV when Lestat is panting on the ground and sitting up for a few seconds and all we hear is silence before he says "You're gonna leave me." The show could have had Louis's second dialogue here muffled or in the background or something but it omits Louis's words entirely to show that this is Louis's recollection of Lestat's remembered version of events, and is not entirely "accurate" either. Why would Lestat focus on/acknowledge Louis comforting Claudia in this moment, when he is thinking about Louis leaving him? He wasn't thinking about that, and his POV reflects that. I don't think the show forgot these extra lines or something, cuz they have the script and easily could have inserted them in the space where Lestat is silent but they did not. A deliberate choice to show Lestat's account is not the omnipotent "truthful" account, but is just one perspective.

(We also know that the coffin room exchange was included in the trial script to make Louis less sympathetic to the audience, because when Lestat says "I am burdened with my maker's temper" Santiago corrects him back on course by saying "Uh, no. You were teased until you toppled." The coven wanted this exchange in the trial script to frame Lestat's drop as an escalation brought on by Louis aka to victim-blame him and make Lestat look less culpable. So even if this is "truth" it is being presented with bias)

Also it is interesting that we get no reaction shots/commentary from Dubai Louis during this entire part. We see Paris Louis once before the "You're gonna leave me" starts and he's shaking and looking confused as Lestat speaks, but there is no assertion on Louis's part of "this is how it happened" or not the way he did with Claudia's turning. We don't even get a shot of Dubai Louis again until after Lestat goes off script to take accountability for the violence.

It actually looks like Armand was the one narrating this entire part to Daniel (Lestat's account of the violence-the coffin room exchange-the apology) because the next time we cut back to Dubai, when Armand tells Daniel that the projections went off-sync, Daniel is already sitting facing Armand and Louis is sitting silently with his hands in front of his mouth. It looks like Dubai Louis hasn't spoken at all since he told Daniel to go with Lestat's version of Claudia's turning. He doesn't speak again until Daniel asks him what he thought of Lestat's apology.

I'm not totally sure what to make of Louis's silence here...because I don't think Lestat fabricated the coffin room exchange. I think because this comes on the heels of "You should go with Lestat's version" of the other flashback we see, this is another instance of Louis going oh, okay I guess it happened like that, you can put that in the book too. But it is a more significant departure from what we were previously shown than Claudia's turning, so idk why they don't have Louis comment on it at all. Either way, Louis doesn't object to what Lestat is saying, which is at least a passive acknowledgement of the events as he presents them as reflected upon by Louis after the fact so NOT A LIE!

Anyway Louis has basically never lied in his entire life so I'm gonna need ppl to stop calling him a liar :)))) it would also completely undercut the main fucking theme of the first two seasons for Louis to be characterized as a ~~~~liar~~~ vs. a person who is being Monstered by Memories so if you call Louis a liar you are calling Rolin Jones a liar and I'm gonna tattle on you to Sir Jones so he won't let you watch the show anymore <3

*netflix subtitles this as "we had enough" but that doesn't sound like what he's saying to me and the netflix subs match the AMC subs which are notoriously inaccurate so!

#iwtv meta #??? kinda mostly just me yelling #also hate when ppl say stuff like Louis “lied” by never mentioning lestat being nice?? when yes he literally did?#if you think lestat was nice sometimes its bc you saw lestat be nice in the show...the show narrated by louis....#im thinking specifically of lestat comforting louis in 102 and being all cute when he had tuxedos made #like do u get that is louis telling daniel about a time lestat was nice??? how many times do we hear HE HAD A WAY ABOUT HIM #the talamasca does not have a drone camera in the past filming louis in 1911 Everything we see is something louis is telling us!!#i know a lot of ppl have this perception of liar louis from the books but thats bs #bc for one anne rice didnt write that first book planning to retcon it all later so as of book 1 everything louis says is true until it isn #AND FOR TWO.....when you actually read lestat's “corrections” of louis's “lies” none of them are actually louis lying????#lestat says “he lied” and everything he uses as evidence is “louis didn't know the truth”. you cant lie about something you dont know??#its all louis didnt know i was secretly rich cuz i didnt tell him. louis didnt know i only killed bad ppl bc i didnt tell him #the ONLY thing book lestat points to book louis as being misleading (by omission) is that sometimes louis begged him not to leave him #and sometimes they hung out with claudia and danced #ooooo king of lies book louis!! sometimes his abusive ex was nice to him!!! AND HE DIDNT MENTION IT AT ALL #but even those things wouldnt be lies if they applied them to the show bc show louis has described lestat being nice #and louis has described his own love of lestat at great length #its almost like book louis and show louis are operating differently in two different narratives with different goals in mind #bc theyre different characters and you shouldnt conflate them bc then you would see neither of them clearly #ok im done now time to be normal again <3

3 notes · View notes

namazunomegami · 4 months ago

Text

“Kindly consider the question: what would your good do if evil did not exist, and what would the earth look like if shadows disappeared from it? Shadows are cast by objects and people. Here is the shadow of my sword. Trees and living beings also have shadows. Do you want to skin the whole earth, tearing all the trees and living things off it, because of your fantasy of enjoying bare light? You’re a fool.” - The Master and Margarita

#aaaand here we are with the ship moodboard #I think I’ll call them wolzebub #yes I can tell that they’re rotting my brain that I’m like my 4 year old self smashing my dolls head together screaming ‘now kiss!!’ but #but they’re truly a refreshing dynamic ngl #I usually write my ocxcanon ships with an underlining opposites attract kinda thing #like opposing values opposing characteristics opposing concepts and such #and the ship itself is basically a particle collider when it comes to writing interactions #but this girlie and woland are different parts of the same thing they’re both the devil #the seven deadly sins are basically the seven faces of the devil because all cardinal sins come from pride #yesterday I spent a lot of time to somehow figure out which sin woland represents because even tho the novel calls him satan #satan and lucifer are not the same entity they don’t even represent the same sin #satan is the sin of wrath while lucifer is the sin of pride and woland is rather proud than wrathful #his goal throughout the novel is basically exposing cowardice and false knowledge which is much more fitting for lucifer to do #anyway back to these two #shipping them is like shipping unohana with kenpachi but they’re old money and doesn’t want to fight each other to death #I mean they do fight a bit but it’s just play fighting and bickering #bc I apparently can’t ship anything if there’s no throwing vicious insults wrapped with a coquette bow and said in a loving manner #there’s still some respect for each other buried really deep like REAL deep #ok maybe not that deep #bc as I said you say something bad about one of them you’re dead you’re dead meat #I can make such a cunty yet hella gothic playlist for them #also I wanted a quote from the tragedy of man but the screenshot fucked up the whole thing I had to scrap it #my moodboards :3

3 notes · View notes

geometricalien · 1 year ago

Text

15 people, 15 questions

Tagged by @ultfreakme thank you!! 💕💕

1.) Are you named after anyone?

My first name is biblical and since my parents are Christian and my sibling also has a biblical name, I always presumed it was bc of that. My middle name though is actually a last name from my lineage

2.) When was the last time you cried?

Yesterday! It was day 2 of being home alone since my roommate left for the week and I was feeling particularly lonely since another friend wasn't able to hang out with me the last couple of days in addition to feeling isolated from family during the holiday season Plus being on my period --- yeahhh

3.) Do you have kids?

No. Nope. Nuh uh. Ask me again in 10 years

4.) What sports do you play/have played?

I did volleyball and basketball a lot in my youth, did soccer in elementary school

5.) Do you use sarcasm?

Sometimes. Mostly only with friends when we know we are being sarcastic and are playing it up? Otherwise, I'm just such a literal person I hardly use it elsewhere (even when my friends and I are joking/using sarcasm we often say "just kidding" afterwards)

6.) What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Honestly height and hair. I have such bad face blindness, and I've had it forever. But I'll remember if someone was taller/shorter than me and their hair color

7.) What’s your eye colour?

Grayish blue. They were described like ice before if that helps

8.) Scary movies or happy endings?

Depends on my mood. I like horror movies and there are just so many different kinds- I haven't found a movie that genuinely scares me in a long time though... The last one I remember was Nope. I walked out of the theater and was just watching all the clouds in the sky fkdlsajf

9.) Any talents?

Nothing is really coming to mind... I guess I'm crafty? And it shows itself in different ways. I enjoy the process of creating. Be it in writing or drawing or baking and decorating or following steps- I enjoy having a vision and creating it

10.) Where were you born?

Usa

11.) What are your hobbies?

I read books and fanfiction, I write fanfiction, watch anime and shows, cook, bake, play genshin impact. I've been playing wordle every day for almost a year now. I like tactical stuff with instructions- like legos or putting together furniture- I got this DIY book nook last week and spent like 8 hours putting it together. In school as part of the STEM program we learned how to draft both by hand and on the computer through CAD and Solidworks- those were fun. I miss that. Again it uses that same part of the brain as legos. I also like playing with cards. I have solitaire and pinocle on my phone. I was also learning how to play chess (like the strategy part)

12.) Do you have any pets?

My family home has the cat I got my 8th birthday (barn cat, brown tabby with four white socks on his paws). In the apartment though there is my roommate's black lab, half ragdoll half Siamese cat, and who knows how many fish that keep having babies

13.) How tall are you?

5'10'' (on a good day sshhh)

14.) Favourite subject in school?

MATH HELLO! (......... but also the drafting classes damn i miss those)

15.) Dream job?

Can there be such a thing as having extreme trivia knowledge on my fandoms? I'd like that alot but otherwise.... I'd like to work at one of those cat [Blank] things. Be it a café or a bar or a bookstore (that'd be awesome!!) I think that would be fun

Tagging @alienjack @szivtalan @glitt-erm @amnestyaubrey @farklelucas @brazilian-whalien52 @bloodyspade0000 @traditionalartist @illbebuyingallofthoseflowers and anyone else who sees this and wants to hop in ☺️

#ask game #tags #personal questions?#the talent and hobby one were hard #bc yeah i can do things! paint draw write sing! but i wouldnt necessarily say im Talented at them. i can pluck at a piano. dont give me a #song and expect me to play good/well in a week though.#the one thing i thought i could say i excel in was math and thats...#dont ask me to do simple math like add two numbers. i suck at quick math like that that relies on memory. bc yeah i know what 6×7 is! or #18+5! but it takes my brain a moment to find the answer or remember and process the way to solve something.#but i say i majored in math and people oooo and ahhhh and say you must be good at math!!#i hate math!!#and like- yes and i get it. sometimes i do to.#to want to major in math means you must have had some success and fallen in love with it. and yeah that success can come through innate ski #ll or trial or both.#i found that my love for math deepens when i struggle bc that makes the success that much sweeter.#i feel like there is a connection in this struggle and solving with the bringing about a vision from crafting...#maybe they just have a similar feeling of success. maybe thats all...#but its not i feel in my gut that its not.#writing a proof and beginning with a vision and seeing where the logic leads is very similar to starting a project- be it building something #or writing a novel or starting a painting. you follow the flow and see where it leads you. access if its met its goal or expectations.#and fix the mistakes and if necessary start all over with a new approach.#it is creation.#sorry for the ramblings

9 notes · View notes

peachcitt · 2 years ago

Text

normally i never make resolutions because im of the opinion that you can change your life whenever you want and technically speaking any day of the year can be the start of a new year. that being said. my past year was kind of garbage.

so! i have decided to be more keen on new years resolutions, especially making ones that will hopefully make me feel better if something i can't control affects me negatively. i actually made a huge list of resolutions, more than i put here, that all kind of boil down to trying out ways to make my life more comfortable and fulfilling for myself and the people around me.

happy new year everybody i hope this year treats us all kindly :)

#new year's resolutions #new year's resolutions 2023 #my art #peach stuff #also i know it's a scientific fact that if you write your goals down you're more likely to achieve them #have i ever written my goals down if i wasn't forced to before? no. and maybe that's why ive been so shit at reaching my goals<3 #also about the goal that's about finding a hobby that uses my hands: ive realized recently that both of my main hobbies #(reading and writing) are both very brain-heavy things to do. like those are both two things that require a lot Being Inside My Head #and you know! maybe ive realized that it's Not Good to be in my head so much!#so i want to find a more tactile hobby that won't require so much brain time and can connect me more with the physical world #also i drew this all in ms paint with my new laptop and laptop pen and maybe i just don't understand ms paint enough #but this was kind of a bitch to draw. where is the layer function. why was my laptop screen still registering my skin when i was using pen #but still i like how it looks. especially the peach and my hair. the peach just because it looks cute and peach-like #and i think this is the first time ive drawn/colored my hair since i died it this past summer so it was fun to experiment with #how to make it accurate but still cohesive with the colors i already had down #my hair is actually variations on an auburn sort of shade since its faded from a really shitty (self-done) red dye job #but the pink here is fun :)#anyway. that's all

35 notes · View notes

glowingreverie · 1 year ago

Text

#it's a story with many layers and i think it would be better on the second read around because once all the questions are answered #you can go back and pay attention to the finer details and realize what links to what #which is GREAT we love a story with readability but also i'm like #that means i have to be Good at writing it so ppl will want to reread it #idk it's quirky #it's a lil cute y'know what i mean #i think the main character of tylwo is different from WLT and GY because #fundamentally those two are good and are morally aligned #but the Ge Nianlan I'm aiming towards is a true neutral #i truly absolutely hope that i can follow that #because he's the version of GNL that i am most endeared with #i think when it comes to true neutral characters #its generally the MLs that fall in that category #but even then we saw that LX and FY were both kind and they would feel guilty letting innocent people d*e #my goal is to make this story batshit crazy because that was the first vision i had when i came up with the two leads #i think to do that i'm going to have to sideline the romantic aspect of their relationship and focus on the plot #well slow burn is what i generally do anyway so i think whoever reads my stuff will expect that #glrev

2 notes · View notes

icewindandboringhorror · 2 years ago

Text

Daily Log 2

Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.

Activities: Much less than yesterday, felt sick and sleepy so barely got anything done. It was also warmer inside today.. Very much dreading summer. I still feel like the people who ~~ love warm weather sooo much~~ must also have central heating and air and are able to escape the warmth, or at least have cool airy houses where they can get cross breezes or something.. I just fail to see how ANYONE could enjoy sweating all day because it's like 75F indoors, etc. grrbb,,, the headaches, sleepless sweaty nights, constant physical discomfort, etc. The next few days look cloudy and rainy though so.. yEs.. haha HA

Got a new charger for my old 2004 nokia phone so it actually turns on now, and recorded myself going through the ringtones and games. I might add the footage to a currently not fully edited video of me also looking through other electronics (old phones, turbo twist math, etc.). I love old ringtones actually and if I were rich, I would love to collect old phones specifically just to have a catalogue of what they're like and all of the sounds they contain.

Managed to have a tiny burst of energy and take photos of 3 outfits before my arms and shoulder started hurting and I got too warm.

Sent email to one doctor.

Translated like 3 words for the Avirrekava poem thing I mentioned yesterday. My language document is not organized very well at all so I've kind of lost my flow of working on it. I've heard about people making searchable dictionary type things for their conlangs, so I'd like to look more into that maybe. As well as making a custom font, though I don't know if that's more difficult for syllabaries (so wouldn't be directly linkable to a plain english alphabet keyboard?? eh?). Anyway, I need to finish the tapestry/painting thing/etc. soon though since I have no good place to put it. The canvas is warping a little just laying haphazardly on my closet floor lol.

Made one quick mspaint background image for the next batch of song snippet things for my jokey music youtube.

Edited like 10 minutes of the Giant Worldbuilding Slideshow Project.. couldn't focus on that either since being at the computer today irritated my shoulders and arms.

Notable sights: Saw 6 baby ducks and their parents swimming in a nearby pond!! It's interesting how their colors seem to change so much, and the young ones have the little spots on their back. Not much else, I was not very active lol..

Goals moving forward: Still working on consistent sleep schedule. Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, edit pictures, post the poll adventure thing that has been sitting in a draft for weeks (I thought I would get it done today, but alas.. I don't even have to do much, just proofread and post it, I just keep having no energy/being preoccupied with other things/hurts to be on computer.. grrr.. I want to continue the story lol >:T).

Notable foods: HAD ASPARAGUS YEaaaaaghhhHHHH!!!!!!!!! Asparagus SQUAD!!!!!!!!!! ... Also a few pieces of smoked gouda with lunch, one of my favorite cheeses.

#just posting these publicly since it feels more like I'm doing something or easier to hold yourself accountable if you make public #declarations of goals and progress or etc. .. perhaps.. for now..#I'm just curious to see if it helps. I know some poeple do diary style stuff or etc. on social media to help with productivity so #worth trying for like a week at least lol #tired and sleepy of being tired and sleepy though. Every day that stuff like chronic health problems or weather or etc.#interfere with me getting stuff done and it's all stuff that I've also had on my todo list for like.. weeks at this point it's like.. oughh #insurmountable tasks ever looming piling upon my shoulderes...#I've been 'supposed to call a lab to shedule blood work' for like a week and a half now and everyday I get the number #out and look at it and just go 'hmm.... sooon...' and then suddenly it's 10pm and I didn't #You Know How It Is Folks. I'm going to write myself a script of exactly what to say and also tape it to my computer screen #Sometimes that helps. lol #I dont' feel like I need a full on caretaker or something at this point but someitmes I do think like.. in a few years with my various #physical and mental issues it would be nice to have a Person Who Functions Normally Socially come visit me like once #every two weeks to help me plan things and make phone calls. Same with creative stuff too though. I bet I'd be doing something creative as #a career by now if I had like. an Assigned Neurotypical Extrovert to network for me and help me navigate things like that bjhbhj #hashtag hermit problems. etc. etc. (not just like 'a little weird and asocial' but like.. 'near complete inability to function in society'#type hermit problems lol..#ANYWAY.. ..#Also fighting the urge to have another personality typing phase. I can feel it creeping up. My 'once every 3 months when I get very #interested in the enneagram and other stuff again' type of thing. distracting myself with worldbuilding paintings instead ghgj #why don't you do a phone call for your blood work first maybe then you can spend 3 hours reading about tritypes or whatever #I have so many interests and hobbies but a handful of Main Ones and they never go away I just seem to take turns with them #Except worldbuilding I think that's always there. Genuinely again.. wish I could find some way to work that into a career. that is the only #thing I could to 1000 hours straight at any time of day under any circumstance. Kidnap me and lock me in a basement and I will be passing #my time thinking about what type of cheese elves make and all the things I'm going to write once I escape captivity ghjhj #EVEYRHTING else though lol.. kind of comes and goes. but can be annoying when it's suddenly the only thing my mind #wants to focus on. BUT yeagh.. ANYWAY... rambling again #daily log

7 notes · View notes

largetriangles · 5 days ago

Text

Pierce the Veil

#on two vyvanse and I feel good but also. I DONT wanna do this paperrrrr #plus if I just had my vyvanse over the damn weekend this would be way less of an issue I think #misadventures is such a good album I can’t believe I’m gonna see them TWICE while touring songs from their whole discography #it’s been an hour since I started posting this and I’ve. online shopped for underwear #but I’ve also downloaded and organized a bunch of articles which was my goal so not too bad #I’ve gotta eattttt I’m so bad at that and the vynse helps with executive function but when I dont want the food I have it only does so much #whatever I get to hang out with Isaac soon and I feel confident I know what to write for each of these papers now.#its just a matter of locking in and getting text in these documents

1 note · View note

sidras-tak · 7 months ago

Text

Accessibility takes too goddamn fucking long.

My brother was paralyzed in October 2023. We got him home from the hospital (in Texas, when we live in Iowa) in a clunky old hospital chair. He hated it. He was scared and angry and in pain and his life had just changed forever and he couldn’t do anything for himself in that wheelchair. His first goal (aside from learning how to transfer) was to get a wheelchair. My family was lucky enough to afford one so we thought it would be easy enough. Nope.

We couldn’t buy him a wheelchair. He needed a prescription. For a wheelchair. A doctor had to examine him and declare him in need of a wheelchair. It wasn’t good enough that he had scans and tests showing tumors cutting off his spinal cord. He needed his primary care doctor to examine him during a physical and write a prescription. He was making 2-4 transfers a day, tops. He had no energy to get to a doctor. Home health was in and out every day. He had no time to get to a doctor. He didn’t get a prescription for almost a month. Then it had to go through insurance.

We asked if we could skip insurance and just buy a wheelchair for him. Nope. They wouldn’t sell us one, not even at full sticker price. It needed to be approved by Medicare. We ordered a wheelchair, a nice one, a good shade of green, sporty, small. It would let him move around the house. He would be able to cook, to reach drawers and get stuff from the fridge and brush his teeth and put his contacts in at a sink. We were told it would take awhile, maybe two months. Silently we all hoped he would be around to see two more months.

He went on hospice care on a Saturday in March. On Monday, I was calling his friends to come see him before he died. I got a call on his phone. It was the wheelchair company. They were about to order his wheelchair, she said, but there was an issue with insurance— had he stopped being covered by Medicare? Well, yes. When he started hospice care, he got kicked off Medicare. The very nice woman I talked to told me to call her if he resumed Medicare coverage so she could order his wheelchair. He died less than 12 hours later.

We ordered that chair for him in early December. Medicare didn’t approve the order until March. He was dead before they got around to it. He wanted that fucking wheelchair so badly. The only reason he had any semblance of independence and any quality of life for the last five months of his life was because the wheelchair company lent him an old beater chair, a very used model of the chair he ordered. If I could go back and change one thing about his end-of-life, I would get him his dream wheelchair. He told me again and again he couldn’t wait to get it, so that he could feel like a person again. He made the best of what he had with that old beater chair, but it still makes me mad to this day. He was paralyzed. He needed a chair that afforded him dignity. We had the money for it. And yet, we were left waiting for five months, for a chair that wouldn’t even get ordered until the day he died.

#sparklepants #we would have done anything we could to get him that wheelchair #nudge #disability #accessibility #spoonie #ok to rb and honestly please do

24K notes · View notes