#I had a hard time with this drawing and there was many times where I almost gave up
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just some random task force 141 headcanons
tw: drugs, dead baby jokes?
gaz
- has been approached by model scouts on nights out with the 141 and is so gassed by it but pretends not to be
- got holding onto his tactical vest straps from price because he thought it looked cool
- popular as fuck in school
- side eye king (canon)
- used to do ket when he was younger and is now paranoid price will find out somehow and be disappointed in him
- highlights during briefings and soap calls him a neek
- deleted tiktok because he got addicted to those ingrown hair removal videos
- borderline illegible handwriting
- type to laugh when hes really mad (its lowkey scary)
- has once described himself as a āthought daughterā
- paces when hes stressed
- terrys chocolate orange enjoyer
- tried to grow out a beard but it was weird and kind of patchy
soap
- will be looking at a nice view and will always say how a huge explosion would make it look so much cooler
- does that thing where he tells you to straighten your legs and then kicks the back of your knee
- cannot stay still in his sleep and has once woken up with half is body off the bed horizontally
- has a comic book collection and if you touch it he will kick you out
- goes to life drawing classes sometimes in his free time
- all of his exam papers had doodles on them
- the type of guy to draw a penis in ur notebook
- all of his socks have holes in them but refuses to buy new ones, some are literally the concept of a sock at this point
- smells his armpits unabashedly to see if he smells or not
- will ask to tell you a secret and burp in your ear
- when someone drops like a plate or a cup is the type to scream āwheey!!ā and clap and he did that at a pub once and got them kicked out
- will make a fart noise and loudly blame it on you (especially in packed elevators)
-booger flicker
ghost
- makes zero noise when sneezing but still acts it out and he looks like hes bugging
- nose bridge pincher
- doesnāt clip off his fingernails he literally just bites them off and spits it into the bin
- type to say āwell done.ā sarcastically
- casual dead baby joke enjoyer
āhow many babies does it take to paint a wall?ā
ādepends on how hard you throw them.ā
(silence)
- really enjoys solitaire mobile is on level 177
- he once made a recruit run laps for microwaving tea
- off duty he has terrible posture
- chapped lips 24/7
- favourite takeout is chinese food and always get the vegetable spring rolls - he will buy takeout in bulk and then live off of leftovers instead of actually buying groceries
- has 3 forks one knife and one spoon
- has literally no sense of rhythm what so ever , cannot dance to save his life
- loves making social situations awkward in purpose but would never admit that so he just comes off as slightly off putting a lot of the time
price
- sneezes and coughs ridiculously loudly
- weirdly territorial about his hat (i find it so funny he has a waterproof version of it)
- has a weird mole on his back he refuses to get checked out - his reasoning is if he dies via mole it was natural selection
- has extensive knowledge on art history and hates conceptual art (has a tate membership card)
- licks his finger before turning a page
- casual moomin enjoyer
- cuts his cuticles - likes his maintenance has a beard grooming kit
- says he doesnt watch tiktoks but he watches tiktok dog video complications in youtube and they have the most npc ass audios
- is on the ācigar societyā on facebook and gives reviews for them
- does the head tilt of disappointment (if its thrown at gaz he literally will not get over it for days)
- slaps his knee when laughing really hard
- also nose bridge pincher
- is the type of make those hiking comments to people who walk by
- really enjoyed the lego batman movie
- unabashedly itches himself
- takes fish oil supplements
- always puts his hand up to say thank you when cars stop for him
- flirts with baristas
- had a brief midlife crisis where he wanted to become a mystery novelist (still has the drafts hidden somewhere but you couldnāt waterboard that information out of him)
thank you
#call of duty#cod#call of duty modern warfare#simon ghost riley#kyle gaz garrick#john soap mactavish#john price#task force 141#cod headcanons#headcanon
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well i finally made it... here's my episode by episode deep dive into every joplittle moment in the entirety of the terror for all of my fellow joplittle freaks out there. i can't draw or write fiction but i CAN be insane about details :) i did my best to edit this so please forgive me if there's typos or things that don't make sense. and a final note before you start reading- i think i make a point to say this in some instances but it bears repeating at the beginning- i could certainly be wrong about some of these observations as they are largely in the background and usually happen very quickly while something more front facing is happening in the scene. i did my best though!
Episodes 1&2- basically nothing, at the dinner scene in episode 1 we can infer that jopson shuffles behind edward at one point but thereās no onscreen proximity or eye contact. neither of them are in episode 2 at all.Ā
Episode 3: we have one of the joplittle scenes to end all joplittle scenes in this episode. When edward is talking to crozier, blanky, jirv, and hodgson about his fears of netsilik retribution, jopson knocks and walks in the door. When he enters the room, edward immediately stops talking, makes eye contact with him, then starts tugging his jacket down, almost to the point of squirming and fidgeting. Jopson walks into the room making eye contact with edward with the tiniest smile on his face and his eyes are so bright and interesting in this scene. And i think there could be some arguments made that this is just how these two are but i have some additional thoughts- yes edward is an awkward guy but he outranks so many people in that room, jopson most of all, and yet he immediately stops speaking and becomes visibly flustered when jopson walks in. And their eye contact lingers for such a long time before jopson looks to crozier, the person he actually came to address. And just again with how bright jopsonās eyes are and the tiny tiny smile he has on his face when heās looking at edward that then turns a little more serious when he turns to address crozier. Itās such an interesting scene!Ā
later on when the terror boys are going across the ice to sir johnās funeral, jopson is walking behind edwardā¦ he might be looking at him but itās very hard to tell so i hesitate to even include that instance. HOWEVER during the camera pan when crozier is reading sir johnās eulogy, we see jopson looking up at one point, and then his gaze briefly comes down to the person directly in front of himā¦ which is edward.Ā
Episode 4: When crozier is sitting in the dark drunk and depressed and probably listening to the cranberries and jopson comes in, the script says he shows somebody down the hall five fingers, probably to indicate āgive me five minutesā. Since he then says that lieutenant little is asking about the meeting, we can presume they came to see crozier together.Ā
When jopson is giving crozier the headlines of the meeting, the way he talks about what he knows from edward sounds more like it was from an actual conversation they had vs the other two he mentions- he says āmr reid reportsā and ālieutenant irving has what sounds like a pressing issueā- both of these expressions imply that he was doing exactly what crozier says he does- hearing everything. but with edward itās ālieutenant little is wondering, he says/thinks this this and thisā. The language used to describe what he knows about what edward will report on is much more direct and familiar. I think ned and jopson were hanging out before they came to see about the meeting with crozier hehe
In the scene where heather gets his shit rocked itās very hard to keep track of edward and jopson but there is proximity and itās very possible a few times that they might exchange glances. It certainly seems that when edward goes below decks to arm the men jopson watches him go.Ā
Episode 5 ended up being the most fruitful for pretty clear glances and looks that i had never noticed before
when jopson comes in with the tea tray he and edward look at each other the whole time Jopson is walking to the table to set it down
after Jopson says āconsider it done sirā edward watches him as he walks out of the room until crozier stops him, then he looks at crozier
Ned could definitely still be looking as Jopson answers crozier, the line of sight is correct and in the script it specifically says that little has to look away from Jopson (not crozier) as they discuss the whiskey because it makes him so sick that this is being discussed right after talking about hornbyās death
A lot of proximity during the Silna and crozier conversation but I donāt think they look at each other.. Jopson might be looking at Edward when he walks in with silna and he might glance at him when he walks past him after setting the tea tray back down but Iām not sure.Ā
In the script it says that jopson and little exchange a look when crozier says heāll go to get the alcohol for blankyās surgery but it looks like itās him and hodgson looking at each other.. however edward looks at someone offscreen too that would make sense to where jopson is standing at the time. Thereās a lot of proximity in that scene where they carry blanky down and set him on the table
Damn that extremely prolonged eye contact when taking the whiskey shots is so interesting too? Especially since it seems like jopson struggles to take the shot.. It seems like he might not drink a lot and that could be for 2 reasons- another callback to historical jopson and him being lashed 30 something times for drunkenness or it could be because of his motherās addiction which at this point in the story we donāt even know about it. Either one would make sense but if anyone has any ideas please share them
they are right next to each other while blanky gets his leg cut off
In the script it says that jopson brings edward into the room for the meeting with crozier after blankyās surgery, I believe they are the last two to join but even if not.. interesting for sure.
when crozier stands up to give the whiskey to jopson to pour out, Jopson is looking down but for just a moment before he turns to crozier again he looks at edward
Aaaaaand edward then watches crozier take the last drink of whiskey but then he looks right at Jopson!!!!
When crozier goes to his berth it pans over to Jopson and he eventually looks at ned AGAIN
Ugh I loved this episode because there was truly so much to notice and like itās there! I need to know why!!
Episode 6: okay we have one of THE joplittle scenes and god fucking bless Liam for his commentary here because thereās just so much to itā¦ like the fact that heās trying to convey to Edward that things are bad but they will be okay with a single look suggests such a familiarity and closeness and understanding between them because like how would you communicate that with a look to someone that you werenāt on fairly intimate terms with?? (need to make post about other pairs that talk through eye contact in the show, like hickey and tozer). at the very least we have to assume they confide in each other and understand each other to a certain degree and like now weāre slightly straying into delulu land but I love how protective Edward looks when hickey walks over and kinda gets close to jopson lol edward is already watching jopson walk away and he gives hickey this little glare when he realizes hickey is too. also just the simple fact that they were eating together??
When Reid bumps into crozier at carnivale and little tells him to step back heās looking at jopson and when it cuts to jopson heās looking back at him
They exchange a glance in the background of crozier reacting to hoar and crispe in the big pot lol
Jopson watches Edward for most of the little clip where crozier is walking away after telling the men to get of the pot
After crozier says theyāll be abandoning the ships and walking Edward looks over at jopson for a long time
When crozier is saying āthey are a good people who we can greet as friendsā jopson looks over at Edward and looks him up and down twiceā¦ thatās 4k babyyyy, that one was crazy
When Stanley sets himself on fire and it cuts to the crowd Edward definitely looks around until he sees jopson in front of him
Itās extremely hard to tell but at one point it looks like ned crozier and jopson are all moving together looking for an exit and ned briefly puts his hand on jopsonās back or at the very least reaches for his back wtffffff
Mmm not sure about this one but in the background of the cleanup scene you can see Edward helping people and it looks like jopson may be with him
Episode 7: ugh the promotion sceeeeene idk what i can say that hasnāt already been said but i will always always always point out that this is the happiest we EVER see Edward in the show, his smile is so huge and throughout the scene he keeps giggling to himself and when heās still sitting down you can see him kinda do an eyebrow raise thing like āoh my god well I wasnāt expecting that but this is amazingā HE LOVES THAT MAN UUUGH AND THE WAAAAY he looks so fondly at him after he shakes his hand and he just keeps smiling and giggling like everyone is so happy in this scene but Edward is the happiestā¦
Episode 8: when crozier is yelling at edward for arming the mutiny jopson is turned around watching ned.. Ugh :(Ā
another shot of jopson turning to look at ned before he looks at crozier in this sceneĀ
eye contact when Edward walks into the tent where Irvingās body is
definitely some potential eye contact when theyāre asking hodgson to confirm that hickey lied
jopson watches Edward when heās explaining why they shouldnāt trust the marines
edward is looking at jopson right before crozier says to find the carpenters
Episode 9: what i believe is the last joplittle sceneā¦. god itās so rough. I feel like jopson is so hurt because he knows his time is coming and i feel like Edward thinks everyone in that tent including jopson will be able to continue to haul southā¦ ugh and then jopson just stares Edward down the whole time when dundy starts talking :(
Episode 10: when edward is walking to the tent to address the men his gaze lingers on the sick tent where jopson is nowā¦
i also find it very interesting that he was all about going south and leaving the sick behind in episode 9 but completely changes his tune now- i know that this has to do with saving crozier but he makes such a strong argument for not leaving the ill behind (although he of course obviously somehow does) that it makes me wonder if jopson had anything to do with that.. like a big difference between when they first made the proposal and now is that jopson could still haul when they suggested it before but he canāt now
And his reasonings point to jopson a lot too- ā9 so ill they canāt walk, only 2 able bodied lieutenantsā like he was thinking of him!!
and one last fucking thing before I fucking die- edwardās last word āclose?ā mirrors some of jopsonās first- āweāre close sirā.. They are the last two to be found by crozier, two of the men who saw almost everything and died lastā¦ ugh.Ā
Final thoughts: i will constantly make the argument that when it comes to the terror, absolutely nothing is on accident. Nothing. Some of the scenes i described can certainly be debated but the simple fact is, edward and jopson spend a lot of their scenes together exchanging looks and watching each other. It is safe to assume based on their roles that they must share at least a small amount of familiarity but i think that these shared glances suggest a deeper connection. They seem to be able to communicate seamlessly without ever really speaking to one another and when they arenāt communicating through their eyes, they are still watching each other in shared scenarios. I would love to know more about whether this was just how liam and matthew chose to act their dynamic or if thereās more to say about them. Either way iām going to keep being delusional about them because i love them together and i think thereās ample evidence to prove that they are more familiar than we might realize
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šš°š¶šš„ š š°š¶ ššŖšš šš¦, šš¦š³š¶š“š¢šš¦š®?
Thank you all for your support and happy new year!
#trigun#trigun maximum#vash the stampede#volaeart#this will be the last art I post in 2023!#tysm for the support on here even if I donāt post much#fun fact abt this drawing is it was actually my art final for my college class and I had to +#go up in front of my classmates and teacher and explain my drawing process ((embarrassing))#I had a hard time with this drawing and there was many times where I almost gave up#shoutout to the couch trauma server for keeping me sane#my favorite part of this drawing is the hair and the black parts of it#very vague volume 10 reference haha#anyways! happy new year everyone š¤
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So now i have migraines apparently š
#wahh#it started this morning and i had to lay down this afternoon#all the stress of the past 24 hours i guess#itās like a nightmare#literally having flashbacks to 2016#not as bad the second time lol starting to get used to it#real dark#never ever underestimate how much america hates women#the saddest part is that u can just See It#all of the men / a lot of them / where i live act like him#big fat misogynistic jerks#theyāre all such cruel bullies#im trying not to let it get to me but itās hard#one day at a time#thereās so many good people out there too#kind nice people#idk#kinda feels like drowning rn#but u gotta keep going#sometimes thinking about all the art i want to make is literally the only thing that keeps me going#so thatās good!#make stuff#draw paint write whatever#and fuck trump#notes tag#i couldnāt stand the thought of there being any doubt#so#i hate trump#boooo
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Men only want ONE THING and it's DISGUSTING (Guy who's uour best friend who's always happy to see you who visibly lights up and sparkles when you enter the room who's comstantly looking out for you and doting on yiu just a little bit and making sure you're taken care of and who you trust so mucj so completely that you can share a bath and sleep side by side amd you'rw. Best Friwneds...)
AND YET. AND YET. Moe has something Worse than self-loathing going on. Like this is just denial at this point. And for WHAT (PSYCHOLOGICAL REASONS. IT'S SO DIRE)
#feh#NITPICK TIME. breakfast panel i should have given alfonse more easily stealable food but#i just went w eggs on toast w bacon just cause that's like. one of my staple safe foods LMFAOOOO#maybe imagine a hash brown. i do like hash browns...#i thought i had more nitpicks actually. any off modelness is just perspective/moe wilting and dying in that one shot.#or a consequence of drawing REALLY REALLY TINY. hitting new levels of drawing So Tiny#if i had more room to work with i would have figured out a pose where moe is still holding the bear while being hugged by alfonse#also sorry i drew his meat huge. in that final illust. as if it's my fault...........#anyways whole point of this comic is. moe is so completely cherished and adored. it is surrounded by adoration in that last panel#like. the environmental storytelling of it too. wearing one of alfonse's shirts (stolen) and has The Bear#it is so. so. SO deeply cherished and adored. and yet. it has a very hard time even just daring to believe that.#anyways this comes w the same level of deep embarrassment like i might as well have just posted porn. it's that level#so you have to be extra nice to me.#nothing wrong w that for the record i'm just shy. š§#fe alfonse#moe tag#summoner oc#my art#my comics#final nitpick actually i feel like the proportions are a bit off in the last illust... which is a shame bc i love the faces so much#but also moe is just. a small round guy. cursed w the transmasc babyface. many such cases.
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By the skin of your teeth (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#DAX#ZEX#Pyramid Head#The Captain#Blood#The cuts themselves are just black and white because I'm controlling myself lol - clearly not That much with the rest but hey!#Still it is a very nasty cut for how nonchalantly I've drawn them all haha - ZEX's back too he's just facing forward#I also momentarily forgot that he was in his uniform it's fine don't worry about it lol#All these speculations on where and how about the injuries and then just - What Uniform That I Am Enamoured By? Haha#I've done the same thing with DAX I keep forgetting about his poor ankle and then it comes up and I'm like ''Oh yeah haha I knew that''#How are some details so sticky and others so smoke-like! Some stay in my brain and others - pffbtl how silly#All the same it's still the Funnest Fun <3#There's something so Extra delightful to have Seen a setpiece - an object - an idea - and then get to interact with it <3 <3#Hitting Pyramid Head with Zelnick's frying pan! Forget PH I can't believe we had the budget for the skillet's appearance fee āŖā« Hehehe#No but honestly Pyramid Head was incredible āØ Wonderfully scary and distressing and tense and full of fallout! Terrible things!! āŖā«#I've never drawn him before so it was interesting! :0 His appearance in SH2 looks all squished#Like his belly is jutting out across from a broken spine! Quite spooky#I don't think I fully managed to capture that - kinda just looks like his hip bones are very prominent hehe - but maybe some other time :)#I hope they don't run into him again - for their sake tho haha āŖ#DAX continually pulling ZEX behind him to try and protect him (and failing) was something I really Had to put to paper <3#As well as snuggles!! Even before they got Really hurt I was like Oh everyone needs hugs so bad :'0 And they do!! They need so many hugs!#Maybe especially Zelnick poor Captain :'0 Give this boy a break#The injuries are more of a self-guide hehe I'm not sure how accurate they are - they Feel accurate based on handedness et al#I was the least sure for Zelnick since he got tossed (poor thing!) but at least bruises are always fun to draw hehe#The return of my rainbow bruises lol - I only use three colours they're just so vibrant!#DAX trying so~ hard not to be taken in hehe what could these feelings be! Familiarly repressed? No surely not āŖ#Be nice ā«
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me when i write a character who is prone to dooming themself and then they run off and doom themself. core traits are stubbornness and a willingness to disregard their own humanity gET BACK HERE IM NOT DONE WITH YOU
#rambling#surprisingly this is not about jakob.. im just really consistent about my favorite character archetypes šš#WARNING THE NOTES ON THIS ARE REALLY LONG I STARTED RAMBLING#āouhh i have a headache i'll just lie down and rotate my blorbos in no general direction for a while until it goes awayā and then boom.#serious plot considerations. 2 questions answered 24million new questions raised. this is specifically Not what i asked for.#so now im sitting here STILL dizzy running mental calculations on how i can get this bitch out of peril without reworking everything#but they literally keep dying in every timeline šš every single plausible road leads to them running off and screwing themself over#ācharacter who doesn't realize they want to live until it's way too late to look backā VS#ācharacter who is forced to live and handle the things they never though they'd survive long enough to deal withā FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.#fucking hell i have never had this much trouble writing a character as i have with them#they genuinely do just run off and do shit without my permission and then i have to pace for an hour or two wondering#āok they wOULD do that. but should they. do i feel like i can confidently write that.ā#im like constantly in this tug of war trying to get them to CHILL#but also they are absolutely my favorite character from the entire project. but like. FUCK GET BACK HERE#is death the most satisfying end to this arc? is someone who was Set on dying then NOT dying the most satisfying end to the arc?#how many bridges can you burn until you irreparably set yourself aflame too?#would ghost or revival plotline work?? would it make sense with the worldbuilding??#do i just Like Them enough to want them to not die?? where do i draw the line between personal bias and a good arc?#is death not feeling as impactful as survival solely because i've been writing for so long that it's lost the initial impact?#and other such plot considerations...#im gonna have such an easy time writing another character though šš because THAT character's dynamic in the second act#is to stare at character 1 and be like āwhy are you like this. i mean i know Why but can you chill. please.ā and like damn bro me too#actually wait no i think kaey.a is the hardest character i've ever written i take it back#had to worry about his 20million facades AND his Actual feelings AND canon compliance. shit is hard#i still havent finished the k/aeya fic i started back when the chasm first released which is uhh. two years ago. oops.#i think i struggle writing emotionally repressed liars i think thats what this is šš anyways.#(voice of guy who has been obsessed with nonlinear narratives and tragedies for several years):#āis it too much to kill this character in a nonlinear exploration game with tragic elementsā#like bitch what are you talking about šš YOU'RE the target audience here figure it out#sorry the notes on this are just my writing journal now apparently
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Glitch Man, fully equipped with Hard Knuckle, is raring to perform one of his favorite game-breaking bugs in Mega Man II... but Magnet Man isn't having it.
#ā Star's Art ā#Meme Redraw#Mega Man Ultimate#Rockman U: The Renegades Rise#Glitch Man#SLN-006#Magnet Man#Mega Man 3#Coolness#Not even the guru of glitches is safe from the situational wrath of DWN-018.#Lately I've been sightseeing some of the many glitches found across the earlier Mega Man titles#And one of my personal favorites can be found in Mega Man II on the Gameboyā the Hard Knuckle glitch!#By using the Hard Knuckle on the EXACT FRAME of a vertical screen transition... it can wreak havoc on the game#Ranging anywhere between a screen's worth of garbled graphics to the game full-on hardlocking#Oddly enough when I went to give it a go it did neither of these...#... but instead sent me BACK TO THE START OF THE STAGE where I had no choice but to fall into the nearest pit!#The incident was so funny to me that I just had to make art on the matter#I based it primarily off that one image macro of the Undertaker standing behind a flippant AJ Styles#It was also my very first time drawing Magnet Man. I think I did pretty well! šāØ
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Thinking abt Sif Odile duo looping au again and I wanna be able to plot everything out more coherently but act 5 eternally looms overhead and boy I do not wanna look up
#rat rambles#stars posting#like I have a vague idea of some of the like themes I imagine being present late game but it doesnt change the fact that act 5 isnt very#duo looper au friendly especially in this case with most of the ideas I have#I rly want it to be both a breaking point for them as individuals and a breaking point for their relationship but idk how to go about that#fully taking the rest of the party into account especially since Im not even sure if I wanna give odile her own friendquests#like I Could but I also think it'd be fun for many reasons to not#and even if I Did itd be hard to justify having both be able to happen and go wrong in one loop#and theres not rly a good solution to that I think so my best bet is probably to just leave odile friendquestless#but Id rly like to still have odile quarrel with the rest of the party in a significant way#idk maybe it can be the scene where sif comes back to the lighthouse or smth?#like he comes back and odile just completely lashes out at him or smth and the others get rly upset with her#but then theres also the whole walk through the house that I have to figure out and Im also not set on how that should go#maybe it can be like reality almost splitting as they both try to use timecraft at the same time?#not sure how Id go about portraying that in story though since the rest of the party cant rly experience that I think#Im sure theres some way you could pull that off tho Im just too tired to have any good ideas atm#and then the biggest bastard comes in. mal moments.#like I cant just put them both there! that's not how that works!#and I dont wanna just leave them mostly vanilla thats boringgggg#but Id probably have to. alas.#afterwards is also a bit fuzzy but I have rhe general idea down#me and the bestie when we both made the same wish but dont know that and have both been falling into a spiral over it#(we dont even realize that the part of the wish that was the exact same was the core of the wish)#(we both just thought that we accidentally trapped the other with us in this hell)#(we also have been actively getting worse at communicating for months now so by the time the wishcraft stuff came up we were both deep in#the no feelings talky talk zone)#(we probably should have known smth was up when everyone started consistently thinking that we had a fight every loop)#(maybe we did but we just didnt want to admit they were right)#god I wish I was more confident with writing odile dialogue I wanna draw scenes from this au so bad#it doesnt help that I got too comfortable being into a media that had like 3 fans and now ppl might actually look at what I create
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Took my little brother to school with me and all he did was nibble my homework >:(
#howl's boring life#I'm not using twitter anymore but haven't bothered making a bsky bc i have smth wrong in my head where doing basic things is impossible#but i have so many things i want to share and I haven't made a personal post on tumblr in years#tags are the only place i feel comfortable#and my bestie is dealing w his fiance having a literal psychotic episode so I can't share my pointless shit w him#and even if no one reads a tweet or tags or whatever it feels helpful yknow?#anyway i just found out that I'll need to retake chem and bio to get into the vet tech program#and chem is already waitlisted for spring and wouldnt work w the other two classes and work#and the program only opens applications once a year so I'll have to wait until fall 2026 to start if i can't apply before this dec31#i had to miss work today bc of a cold w a fever and tomorrow is the holiday party :(#99% of my coworkers are great but there's a small little clique headed by a life sucking evil bitch#that makes me feel so stressed and bullied and awful#i mean the vitch has been outright hostile rude and unprofessional to me but like#im a pushover and also barely out of probationary period I can't just roll up with complaints about a three year employee#despite everyone else agreeing that she's fucking awful and they can't stand her and she's had a run in with every single one of them#man it's so hard when you get paid shit#i hope I can get promoted to assistant after my externship and stop being hamstrung like an idiot#I'm not allowed to draw up nemex??? hello??? it's harmless and i know how to read a syringe?#there's a lot going on in life and i want to cry all the time#but i do like my work at least. on days that vile woman isn't there#anyway here's mom's dog i took him to class w me a few weeks ago#and also yesterday he's a big hit#final's on thursday! certification exam is jan 10 so im this š¤ close to being an approved veterinary assistant#I WANNA POKE SOME CRITTERS!!!!
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#I feel. like I get too worried about putting my stuff in the tags LOL#or just too worried about ants in general#but to be fair I've come from some really infested fandoms#where people got reported for this stuff so hard they were removed from the site#idk if tumblr changed it though. maybe they did. where if someone hit a certain number of reports on their account they got removed#whether they were breaking TOS or not#I think that could have been changed because I don't see it happen anymore#but the more I cared about this tumblr acc the more scared of that I got LOL#it's been super peaceful though???#this could just be because I blocked like half the fandom before posting anything here#but I haven't received any hate mail & haven't had any sort of callout like I was expecting#and I guess mallesil isn't really SUPER controversial#it's leaning off the gray area lately but it is still in the gray area#I just feel like I'm cheating with how easy it is to ''get away'' with having HEY I LIKE INCEST front and center on my pinned and all#when I've seen someone get reported off the map for making one singular post saying they don't mind people who ship child characters#and I've just gotten away with posting sooo many mallesil posts in the main tags lately I'm like huh??? Did I ever actually need to worry?#it's kind of embarrassing I guess having several things in my Posts That Do Not Go Into The Main Tags#that I'm just now realizing were probably totally fine to put out there lol#like damn maybe I can just talk about lilia kissing silver with tongue and get away with it????#anyway#while I am on the subject of things I am embarrassed about for no reason#I feel especially bad lately for not posting like ANYTHING about sebek or lilia most of the time lol#I made a point to draw all the twst characters at least once a while ago but I don't think I've actually drawn sebek more than that?#sorry sebek I love you sebek :(#sebesil is such a good ship and I just have absolutely zero passion for it I DON'T KNOW!!! It just isn't there for me!!!#I like it a lot I love all the ship art for it I like seeing it pop up in fics#but if you leave me to my own devices I'm. not going to think about them even a little probably lol...#I do think about mallesebe sometimes though. I wrote about them once for the request. they're so fun they're so awful#and yet. most of the thoughts I have for mallesebe I'm just like hrmmmm this could be mallesil instead#sorry again sebek I love you sebek š
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pride month giyuu GONE FOREVER
#ooc ; zip it#:: woah guys just like a corporation#::but just kidding he'll be back next june.#:: also . actually using anime icons perhaps? i like how he looks this season plus its like 3 new smiles to add to the collection#:: lso trying so hard to draw right i love when ppl draw ds characters with visible injuries that arent thematically relevant#:: trying so hard to draw giyuu to where he looks like his nose has been broken at least five times and healed kind of funky#:: but alas i cannot win#:: but on the topic why have literally so many ppl on different platforms had beef with me abt headcannoning him as queer#:: i will never understand the childishness#:: they are fighting magical demons with elemental swords i assure you homosexuality is not that unreasonable of a concept here#:: ā hes not gay thats not canon. ā i know i will squash you like a fly#:: funny rant over just please people be normal (not as big of an issue on tumblr but i was reminded)
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Adventures in writing my English SAC, also known as 550 words of Theon being an angsty bitch,,
#just pav things#Sure I had to adapt some things like making his backstory a tad bit different to fit in the 50 minute timeframe I had to write#So rather than the pseudo time-travel thereās an alternative universe where all of his siblings become spiriters instead telethia-style#DOLPHIN DONāT SEARCH TELETHIA UP YOU WILL GET IMMEDIATELY SPOILED FOR XC1#Also I had to cut the lucid dreamer bit too because it wasnāt necessary to the plot#But it ended up being in the style of Bidngen which was one of the mentor texts we had to draw from#And I used the mandatory prompt of āØ personal journeys āØ to explore how violence begets violence#Theon shuns flowers as a sign of the destructive rich but at the end he says heās a flower as well#Where he was once a victim of hatred he lashes out with the same hate against the spiriters#And so it covers his emotional journey in dealing with his trauma (badly) as well as his physical/temporal one :)#Also I wish I had more time to make his first-person voice actually. A childās instead of it being ambiguous#He sounds like Inigo which Isnāt Wrong and it makes sense for him to be precocious but thereās a certain flamboyancy to his voice#And also Theon would not know this many big words. He is uneducated. Alas.#The problem with my first-person fiction despite my gravitas towards it is that#itās hard to separate my authorial voice and vocab with my childrensā ļæ½ļæ½ in my eyes anyways#Probably why I still feel so disdainful for all of my past writing for YHNN. It doesnāt read right š£#The only exception is any instances where Iāve written first-person pov for Archie which was most notably in my Yr 11 exams#We share the same whimsy ig āØšÆ
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I've had 16GB RAM in this computer the whole time?? I thought it was just 4gb. I was like how in the hell is my laptop surviving anything that I do to it
I'm realizing I got it mixed up with my tablet that has 4gb of ram lmao
#i had to get the cheapest option when it came to the tablet#i was gonna get one with more memory but i wasnt approved to do a payment plan lol#and now that tablet is slow as fuckkkk#drawing has been hard lately bc of the lag#look im not that smart about computers#i feel like it should have been obvious that this thing has more than 4gb of ram#otherwise it would fucking explode when i ran the sims4 with all the dlcs and gigabytes of mods and cc#also turns out it has twice as much storage as i thought#i think i got that mixed up with my other laptop that doesnt work#bc it always runs at 100% disk space no matter how many times i try to fix it#where is that bitch anyway? storage?
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Would I be proving my therapist (who has been voicing some concerns about my depression maybe getting worse but like I feel like it's fine) right by cancelling my appointment tomorrow cause I just don't wanna. Like all I have to report is that I'm tired and I wanna rest and I just don't really feel like it y'know
#unrelated to the flu shot but i'm certain i'll feel it tomorrow#idk i've been in a weird state lately where i get really excited about my art and i get super talkative in general#i feel peppy and enthusiastic and excited and then i just crash. HARD.#it feels like all the years of being a shut-in finally catch up to me all at once and it's like apocalyptic hellfire all consuming agony#and nobody is ever gonna love me again bc i refuse to allow it and the lights are too bright in public spaces.#i feel like i'm not really a person outside of my interests and my artwork. i forget that i'm like. a being.#i think i'm also just annoyed bc i'm gonna be Doing Things. already so soon it's gonna be halloween#and i have plans w my sisters and their friends and later i'll be spending the night at my sister's#and i do want to do all that. but it pisses me off that i had waste time today and will have to tomorrow#when i could be drawing. i should have been drawing. i cannot emphasize enough actually#how artwork is just. the one and only thing that makes me feel connected to people.#that brings me joy and purpose like nothing else. so i just get extra upset if i'm gonna be doing too many things LMFAO#and as i say all this like damn milo some people have jobs. i used to. a lifetime ago.#but to be so real i've gotten so much worse. at. everything.#man sometimes i can't even tolerate being at one of my sisters' place bc she doesn't have lamps.#so i just have to chill in the dark in an adjacent room and it's like Fine.#but why can't everyone live by MY rules.#if i skip out on therapy tomorrow i should cancel tonight. i guess i'm just split about it.#like. it's clear i have things to talk about. but man i just don't fucking WANT to. i'm SICK OF IT#it's more of the same and then some. my circumstances will never change bc i'm in hell. okay.#who CARES .......#who GIVES a shit..........#ect.
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This is the last grumbling Iām going to do about my birthday I swear BUT Iām still just mildly flummoxed by my call with my parents last night where like. Itās my birthday. And I have COVID. And they insist on FaceTiming and then justā¦.vent about our extended family and how hard their life is, never once asking a question about *my* life to the point that I finally gave up and while my mom was doing her āand well now what other family news is thereā¦ā hmming and hawing, interrupted her to be like āI got offered a trainee position with this dance companyā and then they just were like āš¶š oh. Well. Are you going to take it? You do work full time too and need to have balance in your lifeā¦ā instead of saying a single positive thing
#after that they did finally ask a LITTLE about my life but like#basically just if Iād been drawing recently š#I just would love one (1) person in my family to a) be at all interested in MY life instead of just talking at me all the time#and b) to be like. dude congrats. I know thatās not what you wanted/were hoping for#but itās still a big achievement and weāre proud of/happy for you#I do not understand why itās so hard for my family to just like. be normal fucking humans#when someone tells you they were offered a position in a dance company you say congrats ššš Jesus Christ#also like I do a lot of shit!! I have so many passions that would be very easy to ask about#even in a super cursory way#like shit dude ask how writings going instead of what weather Iām having#itās always a safe question#and like then my mom was saying how she felt bad that I had just#ordered delivery cheesecake#because sheād thought about seeing if that was an option#and I was like ??? literally idgaf. when was the last time I actually expected someone else to do something for me for my birthday#or even like#take care of me?#I donāt get sick often but there have been a lot of times where I really couldāve used some fucking help#and just#had to handle it#I have been handling it since I was 12 yr old at most#personal#anyway it was a fine call just like#exacerbated existing frustrations#and I am a little prickly rn about friends and family being. not great.#I donāt need flattery and shit#but I could use like. one person in my corner#thatās not fair I do have a friend who consistently cares about my shit and everything#I just also wish my family ever did that
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