#I got light so idk what I could do with that anyway
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everything abt ur work is so so soooo good!!! do u think if u have the time u could write smth abt chan making the reader squirt? hehe n ofc w the daddy kink too
anyways i love u have a great day!!
does it feel like a big one?
pairing: daddy!chan x princess!reader
genre: smut
word count: 2ss and ~1k words
warnings: daddy kink, pet names, squirting, fingering, toys, praise, edging
an: god i’m so fucking feral. idek if this is any good. i wrote it in a needy haze, i blacked out. idk what happened. anon, thanks for your request. loving you. ♡
masterlist
‼ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⚠︎ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ‼ adults only • mdni ‼ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ⚠︎ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ‼
and that’s how you ended up here.
it had started off slow, your gentle daddy rubbing his hands against your skin, his fingertips ghosting over every inch of your naked body. he teased a little. his fingers would glide over your mound but only for a second, before they were traveling back up your tummy. he would circle his fingers around your bare nipples, squeezing your breasts softly in his palms.
he kissed your lips, smiling against them, before kissing down to your chest. his kisses feather light as he moved farther down. you thought he may put his mouth on your most sensitive area. you hoped he would. but it was just more faint kisses. more teasing.
“why are you so squirmy, baby? huh?”
you couldn’t keep your legs still, couldn’t keep your hips still. your body was in search of him. in need of him. you whined.
“nuh uh. no whining, remember?” he gently scolded. “daddy is just getting started.”
he spread your legs and knelt on the mattress between them. you were fully open for him and you were wet. he could see it, and you could feel it. the air in the room feeling suddenly cold on your sensitive lips.
he ran his fingertips along your thighs, up between your legs, ghosting over your damp sex, until he finally touched you. a real touch. with his index finger, he rubbed soft circles against your clit. he watched as your body reacted, your legs trying to clamp shut around his arm, but he held them in place.
“so sensitive, princess.” he breathed. “that’s good. that’s what we want for this.”
his fingers traveled down and dipped ever so slightly in your pool of arousal, but he didn’t penetrate. the feeling still sent shivers over your whole body.
“you are so beautiful.” he said, leaning down to kiss your tummy. he couldn’t help himself. he wanted to kiss you all over. wanted to shove his tongue inside you. but he had to wait. he had to be patient.
he leaned over you and grabbed the toy off the nightstand. it was just a little vibrating wand. you hummed in anticipation. “mm your eyes got wide at this, baby.” he said, clicking the device on, a quiet buzzing filling your ears. “you want this?”
you nodded, frantically. but that wasn’t enough. “words baby.”
“please, daddy. i want it. please.”
your begging went straight to his cock. your high pitched, watery pleas for him to give you what you want made him ache.
he pressed the toy against you clit for a second before pulling it away. your body convulsed. he pressed it to you again, only for a second. he did this a few times before finally leaving it against you, letting it do its work. it didn’t take long for you to reach the edge.
“don’t you dare cum, baby.” he warned. “you tell daddy when you’re close.”
“i’m close! i’m close!” you immediately yelled. and he pulled his hand away. he gave you a moment to relax, running the vibrator up your tummy and around your nipples before eventually bringing it back to your puffy little clit.
he held it there again, and after a minute or two, you were warning him again of your impending orgasm. he brought you to the edge 3 or 4 times before he slowly slipped his fingers inside your drippy hole.
you babbled incoherently as he slid 2 fingers inside you, curling them up to touch your favorite spot. “i think you’re ready, princess.”
his fingers felt so good, you were finally getting some stimulation. your body was so on edge. you felt so.. full. but not in the way you were used to. you felt full in a way that needed release. he started to slide his fingers in and out, gradually getting faster. he brought the vibrator back to your clit as he continued to finger you.
“oh my god..” you whined. “fuck..”
“careful with your language baby.” he warned. “it just feels so good, huh?”
you nodded, your fists gripping the sheets, your eyes squeezed shut as your head turned back and forth. he could feel you clamping down on his fingers, making it hard for him to move them.
“are you gonna cum baby?” he asked. “does it feel like a big one?”
“mhm.” you said. “it.. it feels like i need to potty.”
“that’s okay, angel. you just relax and let it go, okay? can you do that for me?” his fingers pumped in and out of you, your clit was almost numb from the constant vibration, and wet squelching sounds filled the room. “you can do it baby. cum for daddy.”
as you started to moan louder and louder, your body shaking, liquid started to pool around his fingers. he pulled them out quickly, leaving the vibrator on your clit. your release squirted out, coating the bed and his chest and arms in creamy little droplets.
“fuck.” he panted. “there you go, baby. good girl.”
it came in waves as your orgasm crashed over you. as your body convulsed, more would squirt out until you were empty. your body went limp. he turned the vibrator off, gently leaning down to kiss your skin, anywhere he could reach. your tummy, your chest, your neck, your jaw.
“are you doin okay, little one?” he asked.
you nodded, trying to catch your breath.
“you did it.” he said, kissing your temple. “daddy’s so proud of you. i knew you could do it. and it was so hot, baby.”
your eyes fluttered open, and you turned your head to face him. “really?”
his plush lips met yours. “yes really. you’re so sexy, baby. so perfect.”
“mm” you hummed, rubbing your nose against his. “love you, daddy.”
“i love you, princess.” he rutted into you, his clothed cock rubbing against your thigh. “you gonna let daddy use you now?” he asked. “i’ll be quick. let me fill you up, baby.”
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
i’m obviously not a squirt expert lol this is just from my experience.
♡ pls reblog if you liked it! it truly helps a lot and makes me smile :) ♡
©hyunjins-orange-slice-too i do not give permission for this work or any of my work to be translated, copied, or reposted.
#daddy chan supremacy#daddy!skz#emmy answers#stray kids#bang chan#stray kids x reader#stray kids imagines#bang chan stray kids#bang chan x reader#bang chan x you#bang chan smut#bang chan fake texts#bang chan hard thoughts#bang chan hard hours#bang chan smau#stray kids fake texts#stray kids smau#stray kids smut#stray kids hard thoughts#stray kids hard hours#hyunjins orange slice too
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CRUSH | ACT ONE: DO I WANNA KNOW?
pairing: natalie scatorccio/fem!reader
summary: You're studying on a Friday. Natalie doesn't like that.
wc: 4200 (blaze it) (im not funny)
warnings: none. I think.
a/n: happy birthday 2 me. here is another chapter. lowkey i wasnt planning on have two chapters in a row with a ? in them but oh well yolo and all that fun stuff. anyways this chapter is basically just two losers yapping (next one will b longer promise)
ao3 / masterlist
PREVIOUS - ACT ONE: HOW CAN I MAKE IT OK?
NEXT - ACT TWO: (idk yet titles are hard) (WIP)
The thing about Natalie Scatorccio is that she always seems to find you when you least expect it. It’s like she has a sixth sense, some radar that tells her exactly when you’re trying not to think about her—and then she shows up, smirking like she knows all your secrets.
Today is no different. You’re sitting on the steps outside the library, flipping halfheartedly through a history textbook, when her shadow falls over you.
"Studying on a Friday, Princess?" She lets out a low whistle, "Now, that's tragic."
You roll your eyes and let a scoff fall from your lips, "Listen, not everyone can afford to just… throw caution to the wind or whatever. Some of us actually need to study."
Nat snorts as she fishes a cigarette out of her pocket, bringing it to her lips and lighting it, "I do study, just not on Fridays, like a nerd." She gives you a pointed glare, but it lacks any actual heat.
Without giving you a chance to object, she throws her duffle bag down on the steps next to you and sits down with a grunt. "Seriously, though." She ashes her cigarette, "Why're you sittin' alone out here, head in your…" She glances at the cover of your textbook, "history book when you could be doin' anything else?"
You shrug and close your textbook with a sigh, "I dunno. I guess it's just… the way things are, or whatever. Never really been the type of person who goes out on Fridays." Nat nods in understanding as she takes a slow drag from her cigarette, "Yeah, I get that. Nothin' wrong with that. But it gets boring after a while, yeah? Doin' the same thing every week, set in some constant routine?"
"I guess," You sigh and move to put your textbook into your backpack, "But don't you have routines? I mean, soccer and all that?"
"Yeah, I got some routine. Some days, I get up earlier than others to make it to practice. Some days, I spend some time after school kicking around a ball in the field. But that's not my point." Another drag of her smoke, "My point is that you can have some routine, but life is so fucking boring if that's all your life is." She rolls the end of the cigarette between her thumb and pointer finger for a few seconds before looking at you, squinting against the harsh light of the sun that beats down from behind you. "You gotta have something to shake it up every now and then, yeah? You don't gotta go to a party every week, but what's stoppin' you from goin' to one now and then?"
"It's just never been my scene, I guess. My friends and I don't really… do parties, you know? Like, we have small get-togethers or whatever, but we don't party. Never really seen myself as a party person, either." You shrug, zipping up your bag and moving it to rest on the step in front of you, "I dunno. I guess the…" You wave your hands around as you think of the proper words to use, "loud music and annoying people isn't exactly what I consider fun." A fond shake of your head and a gentle laugh, "But, hey, all the power to you if that's what you do find fun."
"You ever been invited to a party?" Nat chimes in after considering your statement for a few seconds.
You have to think about that question for a few seconds. "Yes." You finally manage, which earns you a skeptical look from the woman sitting next to you.
"Then why'd you have to think about it?"
"Oh my God." You roll your eyes, "Because it's been a while since I got invited to one, alright? Like I said, I don't hang out with the type of people that go to parties. So…"
Nat hums at that, seemingly accepting the answer you've given her. "Alright. So what do you do on Fridays? Or the weekend? Or whenever you aren't with your nose in some book." She gestures to your backpack and the textbook inside of it by extension. "Nothin' wrong with it, but you gotta do something else, yeah?"
A huff leaves your mouth before you can stop it, "Well, you've caught me sketching once or twice, yeah? I'm a pretty big fan of that. Uhhh…" You think for a few seconds, feeling like this is an awkward first date where the person is asking, "What do you do for fun?" and it takes everything in you not to give out the most generic answers possible. "I think I mentioned meteor showers to you before? I, uh, I like stargazing. And I guess I kinda play games sometimes? Although it's usually just… simulation games or whatever. The mindless stuff."
"Right." The girl smirks to herself as she muddles over your hobbies in her head. "Drawing, stargazing, and simulation games. Yeah, you, my friend, are a walking funfest, you know that?" One last drag from her cigarette before snuffing it out on the step, "That stuff is fun and all, but you need some more excitement in your life."
"What? Like… stealing BuzzBalls from corner stores?" A faint smirk tugs at your lips, "Or taking joyrides in stolen Maseratis?"
"First of all," Nat cuts you off before you can continue, "It was a Mazda. There's a huge difference. Second of all…" She hums and leans back, resting her elbows on the next step up.
She looks over you in a curious sort of way, appraising your form and being. "You could skate. Could convince Kev to teach you a thing or two at the skatepark, as long as you aren't gonna cry if you fall. If you play simulation games, you might not be half-bad at pool or darts. Hell, even thrifting or something. Refresh your wardrobe. I swear, every time I see you, you're basically wearing the same thing, just in different variants." Then, a sly grin. "But the fun stuff? Bet I could teach you to tag stuff without getting caught. You're already an artist; you should leave your mark on some places, yeah?" Her grin widens, "Maybe I could even convince you to bust into an old factory with me." A beat, "Unless… you're afraid of ghosts?" Then, she's laughing to herself.
You try to fight the grin on your face, but it's hard when you find her smile to be one of the most contagious things you've ever seen. "I'm not afraid of ghosts, thank you." A dramatic roll of your eyes earns another laugh from Nat, her smile wide and plastered on her face like she's having the time of her life. "But, also… I dunno. Maybe I could be convinced to try something new." "Maybe?" Nat parrots, still half-laughing. "Nah. I will convince you to "try something new"; you just haven't seen how convincing I can be yet." A self-satisfied grin replaces the smile she was wearing, and she leans in slightly, lowering her voice. "And I can be real convincing, Princess."
And… yep. You're blushing again. Nat, of course, notices this. Her grin gets ten times toothier, clearly satisfied with herself, and she leans back again. "But," She shrugs—as if she didn't just fluster the shit out of you with a single sentence. "That's for a later date."
Before you get a chance to respond to that, you catch sight of two girls wearing practice uniforms approaching—a simple grey shirt with the mascot's name on it and some shorts. You've seen them around before; it's a small town, after all.
Jackie Taylor—homecoming queen and captain of the girl's soccer team. Beside her, Shauna Shipman—who you… honestly don't know much about. You're pretty sure the two of them are best friends despite the fact that they seem like polar opposites.
Something something opposites attract, or whatever.
"Nat." Jackie stops in front of the two of you, regarding you with a half-assed smile for a fraction of a second before turning back to Nat, "You will be at practice today, right? You aren't gonna ditch again to do—"
"Yes, Jackie. I will fucking be at practice, alright?" Nat cuts her off with a scowl and a roll of her eyes. You swear she's gonna add something else but opts against it.
"Well… good." Jackie nods, then glances at you for much longer than she did initially, a curious expression on her face.
You don't have to guess why the expression is there, either. You aren't that dumb. You don't really look like the type of person Natalie Scatorccio hangs out with—not with your textbooks, sketchbooks, and meekness. No, you've seen the people she hangs out with. Misfits, mostly. There's that one goth kid, that guy with curly hair, and the redhead chick—who also plays on the soccer team with Nat. Then there are the… less than savoury characters. The people who she isn't seen around as much, but everyone knows she is around. Not hardened criminals per se, but people who are very, very rough around the edges. People who have longer rap sheets and far more "experience" being criminals than Natalie does.
Either way, Jackie doesn't comment on the stark difference between Natalie's usual crowd and you.
You give the team captain a tense smile as she looks at you, which she quickly returns before looking back at the girl sitting next to you, "We start in thirty."
"Yeah, I know, Princess." Natalie rolls her eyes, "I'm well aware what time practice starts, thank you."
"I was just trying to—" Jackie huffs and crosses her arms, "Whatever. Be there." Then she walks off, seemingly pouting, and Shauna gives Nat a shrug in apology before following.
Once the pair are out of earshot, Nat groans and pushes a hand through her bleached hair, "See, that's someone I call a princess in a derogatory manner."
You snort, "But it's not derogatory with me?"
"Nah." She shakes her head, "With you? It just… feels right. Dunno. Like that one chick we called "Crystal the Pistol" a few times. It's an affectionate nickname, or whatever." She waves a hand dismissively, "Not my point. Point is, when I say it to you, it's…" A beat of hesitation as she tries to find the right words, "Ugh. I don't know. I'm not good with words. Just know it's a good nickname, not a bad one."
"Right." Your eyes narrow slightly at that, but you don't push the topic further.
Which Nat seems grateful for, anyway. "Anyways. What the hell were we talking about?"
"Uhhhhh… hobbies, and how mine are, apparently, drastically boring?"
"Oh. Right." She nods, thinking about the previous conversation for a minute, then she gives a fond roll of her eyes and turns to you with a soft grin, "I mean… you said it. Not me. I just said you need some excitement. I'm not the one that goes stargazing for fun."
"Right. And most of your suggestions were…" You hum in mock thought, "Illegal, no?"
"'s only illegal if you get caught, actually." Nat shoots back, "And where's your sense of adventure, huh?" She nudges you with her elbow, "Gotta live a little, Princess. I know that BuzzBall was probably the first time you've ever… partaken in something illegal."
You roll your eyes and lean your back against the railing as you turn at the waist to face her, "Sorry, I don't willingly rob stores for fun in my free time. My bad."
You think you see Nat's jaw twitch at the comment, making you think you said the wrong thing, but before you can dwell on it too long or too hard, she lets out a hollow laugh. "Yeah, well, certified adrenaline junkie and all that. What can I say? Robbing stores gives me a rush." But the words come out slightly strained—like she's not telling you the whole story.
She clears her throat, clearly eager to move on from that particular line of conversation. "Whatever. Still. Like I said, I can… get Kev to teach you how to skate. Or… hell, you ever kicked a soccer ball around before?"
"In PE, yeah. But that's about it."
"Hmm." The blonde considers this, "You any good at it?" You snort, "Hardly varsity material, but I'm not, like, terrible at it or anything."
"Yeah? Well, maybe I can show you how to be junior varsity material. Shouldn't be that hard to play better than a few freshies, yeah? Maybe I'll even teach you some soccer tricks." She grins to herself, "Teach you the basics of freestyling soccer balls."
"Mm, promising a lot here, Nat. First, you're saying that you'll teach me to play good enough to beat some "freshies" in soccer, then telling me you'll teach me tricks?" You click your tongue, "How do I know you aren't gonna completely bail on me?" "Oh, make no mistake, I don't go back on my word. If I say I'm gonna do something, then you can bet your sweet ass I'm gonna do it, yeah?" A toothy grin, "And that's the Scatorccio guarantee."
You snort, "Yeah, you say that like your last name holds a lot of value when it comes to trust—"
The words are meant to be teasing, they come out in a teasing tone, but you still feel like a piece of shit the second they leave your mouth.
"I… I didn't mean it like that. Sorry. I wasn't thinking—"
"Nah, no," Nat shakes her head and waves her hands, "no. Don't worry about it. I'm not mad at you or anything." A grin, likely to ease your nerves, "You're not exactly wrong either. But I'm giving you my word anyway. Which… you should take."
"Hm." You take some mock consideration to that, "I will take it for now. But I make no promises for whether I keep it or not."
"Won't regret it." Her grin becomes slightly more genuine, "Promise."
You spend the next… ten, fifteen minutes? talking to Nat on the steps of the library, actually getting to know each other, rather than those single-minded adventures that the two of you have been on the past little while.
You trade off on the typical "first date" questions: Favourite food (Hers is apparently pizza, which you said was boring, then she rolled her eyes and dropped "Ribollita" and refused to actually tell you what that means.), fast food (Said "Taco Bell" immediately.) music (Matches her. Veruca Salt, Blondie, Nirvana, The Pixies… you get the idea. You asked her if she played the music on tape decks. She said yes. You don't know if she's joking or not.), books (She called you a nerd. Then proceeded to say, "The Anarchist Cookbook".), least favourite teacher (Mr. Miller, who teaches Auto Shop and keeps telling her repair work is sloppy.), and most importantly: the meaning of life ("ask me after I've had a tab or two"??).
After spending the past three minutes trying to convince her you don't get straight A's in every class, you decide just to show her your most recent in Physics and you… realise you left your binder in your locker.
"Crap." You sigh as you peer into your backpack, "I think I left my Science binder in my locker."
Nat snorts, "Didn't you open your bag earlier to put away your textbook? How didn't you notice it then?" "Because I wasn't thinking about it then." You sigh and close your bag, "I need to grab it from my locker. I don't—" "I'll come with you. Need to head to the locker room and change into practice gear." She cuts you off, pushes herself off the stairs, and, much to your surprise, actually waits for you before she starts walking. You try not to act surprised by this as you grab your backpack and throw it over your shoulders. When she does catch you acting surprised, because of course she does, she grins and rolls her eyes. "I said I was coming with you. Which means I am following you, and you aren't following me. Therefore, I have to wait for you. I still don't wait for people to follow me, Princess."
You can't fight the way your eyes roll and lips purse at that comment, "Right." Once you're standing, the pair of you head off in the direction of your locker.
"Dude, your locker is all the way in the old science hall? Who the fuck goes here anymore? There are zero classes near this place anymore. It must take five minutes to walk from class-to-fucking-class." She mutters, more to herself than you, and shakes her head as you two reach your destination. "Yeah, if I could have chosen my locker, it would be in the English hall. Right in the center of all my classes. I'm also pretty sure I'm the only person who has their locker in this hall." You sigh as you start to fiddle with the lock, "I've basically only seen the janitor up here. I don't know what I did to piss off whoever assigned lockers, but here I am." A sigh leaves your lips as the lock clicks open, "Admin won't even let me move lockers." Nat snorts and leans on the locker adjacent yours, "Yeah, sounds about right. They don't actually give a shit about the students here. I mean, for all the money going into athletics, you'd think they'd give us uniforms that don't chafe." An exasperated roll of her eyes, "So stupid."
"Sounds about right. Didn't the money go to the boy's baseball team or something?" She seems slightly surprised you know that but gives a nod of her head. "Uh, yeah. That's right. Which makes no sense considering we won states last year, and this year we actually have a good chance of—"
Her eyes zero in on the binder you're grabbing. "Holy shit. Is that colour-coded?" Her jaw drops in awe (or shock?), and she takes it from your hands, flipping it open. "H-o-l-y s-h-i-t. It is."
"I like having things organized by unit, whether it's a worksheet or notes!" You defend yourself, grabbing the binder back from her with a huff, "Sue me, okay!"
"Shit, I should." She lets out a low whistle, "Damn. All this for a…" She peers at the test you were going to show her, "B? Damn, Princess. That's unfortunate."
"You're making fun of me." You murmur petulantly, slamming the binder shut and shoving it into your backpack, "What's your GPA then, huh?"
Nat hums as she considers that answer, "Three point three."
"Wait." You turn to look at her, "Seriously?"
She laughs, "Yeah, seriously. I can't play soccer if I'm failing all my classes. Just because I don't show up to class doesn't mean I don't do the work for them." A roll of her eyes, like it was an obvious answer.
"Mm. And do you do the work for them, or do you pay some unsuspecting nerd—"
"What makes you think I have the money to pay anyone to do anything?" The girl cuts you off with a snort and crosses her arms, "Trust me, I do all my work myself."
"Hey, who said anything about money?" You grin at her, "You have… dubious tendencies. For all I know, you're paying them some other way." You offer a teasing shrug, "Like stolen BuzzBalls or…" A faux gasp, "Oh my God. Am I the unsuspecting nerd?" Nat scoffs once and looks away, "Yeah, right." Another scoff. Then another.
…wait. Is she blushing? Did you just fluster Natalie Scatorccio? On accident?
Between the way she won't meet your eyes, fiddles with the hem of her shirt, her usually pale cheeks now with the faintest hint of colour in them, and she swallows nervously? Wow. You think you did. How the tables…
You don't get too long to reflect on that before she's seemingly recovered and trying to act unaffected. "What if I am, nerd?" She leans into your personal space, "Maybe I'm looking for an unsuspecting nerd to do more than just my homework."
Now you're the flustered one. Again. "Uh—"
"I mean, think about it." She licks her lips, "The unsuspecting nerd and the resident burnout. Talk about opposites attracting. I could show you so much shit." A feral grin crosses her features, and your entire body heats up without your consent, "I could make you feel real—"
You take a step back, putting up both a metaphorical and physical space between you two. "Natalie. I don't—"
"Don't what? Oh, come on, Princess. Don't act like you haven't been thinking about it. I'm not dumb. I've seen the way you've been looking at me. Don't act like—"
You look visibly uncomfortable. Flustered, yes, but also uncomfortable. You're wringing your hands together in a subconscious act of anxiety, and whether that's because of her proximity or the situation, you aren't quite sure. Either way, Nat notices this.
You swear you see something like guilt flash behind her eyes once she realises she made you uncomfortable, but no outward attempt at an apology is made.
Natalie clears her throat and takes a small step back, the bravado dropping in an instant. "Whatever." She crosses her arms again, "Whatever. Let's just…" Her jaw tenses, and she shakes her head. "Nevermind."
There's some very tense air that passes between the both of you as you awkwardly close and lock your locker, neither of you bothering to glance at the other, letting the awkwardness fester.
It probably would have kept festering, too, had the sound of Natalie's phone vibrating not broken the silence.
"Goddammit, I swear to God if Jackie is—" Her mouth snaps shut as she looks down at her phone, and a slow grin finds its way onto her mouth. "Ooooh, fuck yes." She looks up at you, "Say, Princess, you doing anything tonight?"
"Uhhhh…" You shake your head, "No? I was just planning on staying at home and…" You shrug, "I dunno. Relaxing, or whatever."
"Mm. I have a better idea. You should come to a party tonight."
"Oh."
"Oh? That's it?" Nat rolls her eyes, "Come on. What was it I said about needing to get out of your comfort zone? A party is the perfect time and place to do it!" She shakes her head (and hands), "Look, it's a bonfire. If things go poorly, you can just… sit and stare at the fire and ignore everyone."
An unsure breath leaves your lips as you consider all the possibilities in your head. Of course, your mind heads to the worst-case scenario first, like a completely normal person would.
"Dude, seriously." She says, softer this time. "No pressure. It's just… a bonfire party… no, get-together, with some friends. That's it, yeah? Not like the entire town is gonna be there." She reiterates, throwing some emphasis on the fact it's "just a bonfire get-together," as if that will soothe all your nerves.
More hesitation on your part, but you can't deny the curiosity that seeds its way into your mind at the idea of seeing Nat in her element for once. "I… I don't know, Nat. It really isn't my scene—"
"It doesn't have to be your scene. It's just gonna be the place you spend a single Friday night. That's it. Don't ever gotta come to one again if you decide you hate it. Won't even bring it up again. Promise."
Even more hesitation. Even more curiosity you can't shove down and hide, for better or worse.
You don’t belong in the scene she frequents. Not really. But the way she grinned—like you were some project she couldn’t wait to take on—made you want to, even if it was just for one night.
"Come on. Drinks are free. Maybe they'll have more coolers you can try. Really dip your toes into the world of alcoholic beverages." She snickers.
Man, peer pressure does work, doesn't it?
You’re not a party person. But then again, Natalie Scatorccio isn’t just a person—she’s the reason you’re even considering it.
"I can't believe I'm gonna say this…" You shake your head and sigh, "But… fine. Fine. I'll… I'll go to this stupid party."
A wide grin crosses her face. Wide and very pleased with herself. "Perfect. Good choice. Best choice, really. Won't regret it, promise." She pushes herself off the locker beside yours, "I gotta get to practice. But I will… see you tonight, yeah?"
"Yeah. Yes." You sigh reluctantly, "I will… see you tonight, Nat."
"Hell yeah, you will. Maybe I'll even convince you to crack a beer or two. Smoke a cigarette. Real delinquent shit." She laughs at that as she begins walking off toward the gym, "See you tonight, Princess!" Nat calls from over her shoulder, "I'll text you the address!"
You watch her leave, blinking a few times in shock that she was able to convince you to go to a high school party so quickly.
"Well." You mumble to yourself, "Guess senior year isn't the worst time to go to your first party." You rub your forehead, mildly frustrated with yourself and your ability to say no, "Goddammit."
Well. Guess you have a party to prepare for, huh?
a/n: can i be so real with yall for a sec
every time i type in "natalie scatorccio" on pinterest i start feeling weird after the first few minutes cus I'm like "damn I'm fr just staring at photos of sophie thatcher rn" but I suppose it could be worse. could be staring at photos of (insert ugly celebrity name here)
#natalie scatorccio#nat scatorccio#natalie scatorccio x reader#natalie scatorccio x you#nat scatorccio x reader#nat scatorccio x you#yellowjackets#yellowjackets x reader#yellowjackets x you#yellowjackets showtime#(brief)#shauna shipman#jackie taylor#spoons (fics/blurbs)#butter knives (sfw)#crush#from the cutlery drawer#taco bell was a heretic reference btw teehee
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☝🤓 What if 🤨🤔! I was back 😨🤯 after some months 😞😤😲... ahahah jokes 🧐🤣😂... unless 😳👉👈
#wren text tag#wren draws stuff#it has been a while ^_^ guess it's time to remove the dust from this blog eheh#anyway gaslighting all of you so I can pretend I didn't go on hiatus every 2 working days lol next year it will be the year I am sure 💪#I say while I'm waiting to get the appointment to have my wisdom teeth removed (as if I didn't have enough bullshit in the past few months)#did the check up some days ago and they really went “yeah. ur old. those are your wisdom teeth. we have to remove them sorry 😅😬😔💔💔”#I guess karma didn't know what else throw at me “idk make her bones annoying this time lol” so unoriginal man ugh wish I could unfollow 🙄🙄🙄#idk what else to add. Look at the drawing of my sona and wait (she's so silly omg 😖🤭🥰💖💕✨)#Speaking of ✨art✨ I have some stuff that were supposed to be posted this summer but UHM I will post them here nonetheless#imagine they were posted in time alright. I'm still working on learning how to warp the time-space continuum 🙏#and then I'll be back posting fresh cringe 🥰💖 can't wait to draw all my stupid silly little dumb angular blorbos#I also have memes to redraw with the StS characters tehehehe I'm so evil. nefarius. wicked. foul. villainous if you will#where's that emoji of the cat looking mischievous#😼😼😼#OH YEAH I also I have a bluesky. it's doodlingwren so uhmn. do what u want with this information. I'll make a decent announcement later on#there is no art for now over bsky. But you can see me blabbling abt my own forgetfulness (?)#also I changed the color theme for this blog. It's not that important but I think it's nice#logged in after some time and when I went to change my age in bio I got blinded by the light color combo 😂😭#I might do some lil changes in the next few days but so far it's good :3 the blue looks nice
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(genderly) chill as hell if i was only ever glimpsed / detected like this
#Shrouded In A Rectangle neither sleeves nor an open front to be besieged with? yes#just doing whatever else like doesn't matter. tee cargo shorts which is my best guess rn of my ideal outfit. + sandals Absolutely#unfortunately my hair could never do that. somehow neither am i yet like forties fifties? have i not been at this for eons?#i Can be like uh let's just nobody talk to me i'm busy pensively perceiving truths that you don't ever actually wanna hear about#just the other day it was like hey....a [way Having To Talk could be a difficulty / problem] was under my nose in this lifelong pattern#certainly noticing the Verbal Exchange Demand heaped upon burnout as like [delay delay delay struggle weariness stress]#but also who knows like spent plenty of time just probably indeed Not having to have such exchanges while burned out. not noting them#anyway like this isn't even [dysphoric Ideal Outfit until i could [whatever supposed even more ideal than that gender euphoria]]#though shoutout to that but like nah get shrouded anyway. the only [how do i look] im motivated to consider is: when it's a costume#when it's just me it's like. i guess whatever pants and a comfortable enough tee. need glasses. hair's w/e so cut quite short ig#might accessorize w/things that are fun to me like hey yeah yknow i might want a calculator watch#[yea as a kid it was like :( im actively appreciating the animals supposedly Gross or Bad] if i had hated little friends Sure yaay#if i had disorienting light effects like a pelagic creature. but you don't even need that. like hey i'm nd in real life. i got it#chat i'm in the walls too bestie lmao. if only my bigfoot pose reference Step was this good#tl;dr long rephrasing of my being like; now the gender slay....#& nodding & Noting when [worksheet exercise: what's your gender euphoria look?] is like shrug idk. but this is serving maximally to me; so#going Chat how can i up my uncanny stats. looking up ''isn't it like Uncanny knowledge e.g. so like why not....canny''#but i think the un canny is the Uncanniness Accuser's perspective. not of My ken. your literal weird one maybe#so again apt to be like jk i'm just autistic & shit; i got it....horror shit challenge impossible: Don't have sm typical mundane#[disability moment] as like Unsettling danger/malice cues. challenge impossible; again#subverted here like as [horror holding hands touching foreheads w/comedy] w/o Rescinding just casual disabled behavior/qualities#just remembered like three witches weird sisters etc macbeth. weird uncanny soothsaying gendering. word#anyway i should be shrouded (made no any connection whenever i put the blanket now over my head & shoulders in place min ago)#perhaps the real Ideal Look insight: i do not have any way i wish to be observed by people. secret passages / removed room anytime
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I may have spent all my life until this moment wasting both mine and God's time, but from tomorrow on, for sure, i swear it, i will change my ways and be better. And it'll be different from all the other times i said the same thing🧎♀️
#i'm getting up at 6 i'll be at college by 8 i'll catch a nice place away from the sun in the library and i'll do so much work#until my classes start and then after the classes end i'm going back to the library i'm gonna set up camp there bc this is obviously not th#way for me. but you know what bothers me now? the fact that the college cafeteria isn't open on the weekends.#you know how productive of a weekend i could have if i could camp in the library 8-12 then eat a quick lunch and go back 13-whenever?#anyway. i changed my surroundings got mood lighting and warm blankets and shukufuku no library on loop#idk what to write for the introduction so i'm gonna write my arguments first and then expand on them#if i can't get myself to do things the right way then i'll do it however is easiest for me and figure out how to make it seem like i did it#the right way. but from tomorrow on i SWEAR#and if i finish my essay sooner than expected (inşallah) ???#i'm writing. the bigbang until i reach the minimum and not a word more until i'm done with finals#and THEN i'm writing what i want to write. because i'm full of ideas to the point that i feel like bleeding over sheets of paper
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been unspeakably horny for like 3 weeks straight im starting to get scared. well anyway. happy year
#scared bc for some reason my brain keeps forcing images of one of my coworker's into my periphery and i do NOT like him like that !!!!!#for once i can confidently say i am not into this man at all in the slightest so i need this to cease before i drive myself insane 🙏#one time like many many months ago idek how long ago me and him and someone else were talking in the office and#idk what it was the angle we were standing or the lighting idk what but he fluttered his little eyelashes and i got instantly wet#it was so weird and sudden and most of all unconscious that i had to walk away#usually i'd have to establish To Myself . In My Brain that im attracted to someone before i have a bodily reaction to them if thatmakessense#ever since then i have been. concerned#but anyway hes a 30-something receding hairline doomer libertarian former army guy. so NO !!!!!!!!#on the other hand he's got rich lesbian moms who already like me 🤔 on the other hand they are old republican white ladies.#on the one hand he's always pretty nice to me even when i dont deserve it and he says yes ma'am when i ask him to do things 👀#on the other hand he will adjust his balls no matter the situation or setting it pisses me off every time.#AND HE STINKS sometimes which is probably the worst of all#but above all else he is the spitting image (and personality) of charlie kelly . truly a mixed bag#anyway i think the scary part is i do think that if i really truly wanted to i could fuck him at a moment's notice i get the feeling he'd be#down. but with all the negatives ik i dont actually want to im just lonely and want some validation more than anything else#so i shant do a thing about it. but tell that to my pussy!#2025: i am mature now. but i be knowing things.
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it’s the last Sunday before Sunday’s banner ends so i suppose it’s about time for me to finally boot up HSR and pull him home… wish me luck
#i’m gonna need it bc i haven’t rlly played much since 2.3 so my savings are.. not Great#honkai star rail#hsr sunday#viddy game stuff#Seven.txt#it’s not that i don’t Want to play i just haven’t made the time to do so lately#i’m trying to juggle 4 live service gacha games at the same time and i am dropping all of the balls constantly 😔#i don’t feel like i’m doing much more than i used to but for some reason i seem to have a lot less free time for gaming lately#idk it’s probably just my time management getting worse#Anyways so yeah i haven’t played much since the Boothill hype. and i haven’t pulled a single new 5 star since his release#but i also haven’t played much at all during that time so i’ve only got 54 pulls saved :)#and if that’s enough to get me Sunday and his LC i’ll lose my fucking mind bc ain’t no way i’ll get that lucky#i Do have a good luck streak with Light Cones but i’ve only pulled for 3 so that’s not that impressive#i got Acheron’s on a won 50/50 at 14(!!!) pity and Aventurine’s on a won 50/50 at 22 pity so those were kinda insane to me#but then i don’t remember how it went for Boothill’s LC and i didnt log those pulls so i couldnt tell ya if the good luck streak continued#so anyways yeah probably gonna have to whale a lil bit but that’s ok bc it’s christmas time#i allow myself to whale (or. more like Dolphin perhaps) guilt-free on these games a lil bit on my birthday and christmas as gifts to myself#i used it on Xilonen and her sig weapon back around my birthday and now i’ll use this one on Sunday#ain’t no way i’m letting him pass me by when he’s the one that really hooked me into HSR in the first place#i was halfheartedly playing for a while but as soon as i saw the first hint of him on that livestream Penacony teaser i was Obsessed#don’t think i’ve ever been that excited for a character that i knew next to nothing about aside from a lil chibi avatar -#- and some line about him being malevolent. and i don’t even like the chibi style At All so that speaks to how strong his design was#or maybe it just shows how i see an angel coded character with weird-cool-head-wings and a halo and my brain worms start raving#well it’s 1am here so Technically it’s Monday now but shhhhhh it’s still Sunday in my Heart ok? and that’s what matters#and it’s still kinda Sunday on the American server bc the daily reset isn’t until like. 3am for me#but it’ll still probably record it as me having pulled him on the 23rd :/ oh well can’t turn back time#i guess i Could wait until Christmas morning but i don’t wanna flirt with the deadline so closely#this is close enough for me to count it as my Christmas pulls#and we spent Too Damn long without confirmation of his playability (though i always had faith in the leaks 😤🙏🏻) so i deserve this lmao#i mean i’ve waited longer. i waited for Scara! i waited for Baizhu! but still. all the ‘he wont be playable’ fearmongerers can kiss my ass
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I think there were some serious growing pains when katniss and peeta were starting to "grow close" again.
#NOT TAGGING THIS but yeah this would be maybe a few months post?#when katniss and peeta are just starting to be friends again#while peeta is still kind of adjusting to the new person he is and coming to terms with what he's done in that process#which ends up making him come across as a little bitter? but i dont think he means to be. weird situation obviously.#and i think it's particularly hard for katniss considering she's someone who gets so much comfort from physical contact#and for the person from whom she got so much comfort to have snuck up on her and tried to kill her. twice.#because theres no denying that THAT person is closer to who peeta is now than who he was before being tortured in the capitol#so it takes a long time for her to not fear his touch. i think. and i think although he knows better#peeta's still kind of burned by it. like he understands it but it still hurts kind of thing#... IDK sorry i have a lot of thoughts about how their dynamic would have to fundamentally change post-mj#and its kind of weird how that's glossed over i mean its not plot relevant i guess but if theyre....#WHATEVER anyway yeah.#id like to do smth more with this idea of them adjusting to their new relationship so this is rly just a draft :)#sorry can you tell i could talk about peeniss for hours??? can you tell????????#ive really gotta practice drawing burn scars also because at this point theyd both have pretty angry burn scars on their faces and hands#i also think im rambling a lot here bc i dont want ppl to get the wrong idea or anything bc i hold both of them so close to my heart#same kind of thing as mommy katniss i guess i udnerstand it doesnt portray them in the best light but at the same time i really do think.#realistically they just wouldnt.... be well adjusted? sorry. anwyay. diddle out.
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I think I'm always going to be the villain in her story, and I need to accept that.
#she always immediately jumped to the conclusion that me telling her i was upset abt smth was me seeing her as a terrible person#she always said that she felt like i thought the worst of her#but never actually listened to what i was saying#and this isn't me saying i was guiltless#i know i could have been a better friend#i know i was possessive and jealous#i have my flaws and im trying so hard to learn and grow#but it's the fact that she always came to the worst conclusion about me#and that conclusion was that i thought the worst things about her#so maybe it's for the best that things ended#it hurts that she's a stranger and idk what she's doing and if she's happy#if her sister is doing okay#if she got married#if her dad's health is okay#if the dogs are okay#all these details and these worries about her life#and i have to eventually move on and forget them all#it hurts#but maybe this is for the best#im slowly healing bit by bit#and I've found new friends that i love#friends that (hopefully) know i love them and see them in the best light#anyways sorry for all this djdjdjdjdjjf#just got into my own feelings about that friendship breakup i mentioned the other night fjfnfndnnfj
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i have to come to terms with the fact that I am actually well off for someone in this country now, like.. idk it's weird
i'm still living the exact same lifestyle that i was before, so for the most part it feels almost like nothing has changed, like maybe im spending a little bit more money on food and buying the "good" toilet paper, but all that does is allow me to actually have savings in my bank account
i still stand with the working class and impoverished people of this country, and I am very much still in the boat of "one [very] bad day from homelessness" so i am not taking this for granted whatsoever
i've just been watching some of those youtube channels where they interview random people all over the country and just like.. kinda show what their life is like and it's definitely putting mine in perspective
very very grateful for the opportunities i have had and very proud of myself for forcing myself to stay in college (even tho it took almost 10 years to finish and left me with a mountain of debt) and just like.. idk, i feel like i could be doing more to help people out, i can't wait til im out of debt ;o;
#like idk it makes me feel a little bad sometime that im able to live comfortably while others arent#fuck i mean i got one of my friends living on my fucking couch rn i have a daily reminder of the inequality in this country#cause he doesnt have any qualifications to get a good enough job to fucking LIVE in this city#he's been trying to find a place to live but everywhere wants you to be making 3x the rent#and there's not a fucking job in this town that will pay you that much...#it's college town most people here are not even paying their own rent their well-off parents are paying it#ive never even fucking paid rent here i was living off the good fucking graces of my friends and my partner for like 7 years#and im still not paying rent i live in a trailer park and i own the trailer it's a shitty 2bd that i've had to pay to fix multiple times#but the fact that i can even afford to do that now is INSANE TO ME#I OWN A BUILDING WTF#i mean i do pay lot rent but it's only $300/mo#but rent prices here keep going up and up and up and i feel bad for my friend cause i dont know wtf he's supposed to do#i'm not charging him anything to live here so he's saved up a bunch of money but no matter how much he has the apartment places dont care#cause he wont have that money once he has to spend it all on bills and then his paychecks wont be able to cover living costs...#and i love him but he's just a little bit stupid and like.. doesn't seem to comprehend that he cannot afford a place that's $900 :'D#like he thinks that because he makes $1500 a month that he can spend $900 of that on rent like buddy NOO#what about FOOD? and OTHER BILLS? that's JUST rent dude what about lights and water????#but also idk i dont feel THAT bad for him cause he could always just move back in with his mom or live with a roommate but he fcking refuse#anyway this got off on a tangent the point is once im out of debt im donating all my fucking money
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kdksjf wait so presumably the Fixer Watcher runs into in Chapter one in the memory thing is actually Principal manipulating the simulation.
So. "She whispers to an Occupant" and "We were supposed to fight the Occupants, not fuck them" thing is... so much more interesting through the lens of Principal's obsession with Iris. Like she's jealous that Iris is close with an Occupant the way she wants Iris to be close to her ??? Absolutely insane implications
#1xr tag#Also dang everyone wants to fuck Iris so bad it makes them look stupid#be it Jiao or Iris's own clone or a noncorporeal alien or a manipulative scientist after her dna#Also! This makes me wonder how else Principal has manipulated things before#I mean I honestly think a lot of the Iris stuff was legitimately Iris being an asshole#I still don't get what she did to Jiao that was so bad beyond the specific things we saw#which could imply Principal planted that? I mean Iris was kind nice to Jiao when other kids bullied her!#It seemed like things were looking up#Idk assuming that's all real though#I just wonder if Principal ever like... simulated other departed clones to toy#with clones going through communion to know who to trust and who not to trust or#to sew seeds etc#Most likely she didn't do much active interference the way she did here until#it was Watcher's time bc she needed Watcher specifically for the coup#But for example Knower had a Watcher whose fate I can't remember and maybe#Knower never got on the train because Principal had that Watcher warn her against it of there would#be any legit reason to do that jdjsidj I have no idea it's all so confusing to grasp#Anyway i think it makes most sense for some memories to be tampered with widescale#At least when it comes to the original sisters era#But this active instance only made sense because Fixer could've conceivably tampered w comms#in a way others may not have been able to and Watcher was like illegally close w Fixer#so lying abt Fixer's death would push her specifically over the edge into seeing#the Allmother in a horrible light#Etc
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trying to get my Rook origin story in a state to share like shaking a bag of dog treats in front of friends going "you want to beta read my silly fanfic, you want to beta read it so bad, you can't resist looking at it"
#only like One friend has actual series knowledge about DA is the real tragedy#and another is playing the series but like Just started Origins (hi Nikki)#my actual editor friend would need so much context and I don't wanna put that on her#and I'm like so shy otherwise ksdshjdf#I haven't been in an active fandom where I wanted to write in like a decade#even then I didn't share my writing in a way where people could actually find it by going into the tags LMAO#me having One (1) bad fandom experience 12 years ago: sitting in an empty room is better actually#I'm also like this Rook Origin is almost 6k words/12 pages and I think people will find it boring#because it doesn't have any of the companions in it (it does briefly reference Lucanis by title)#and I think the pacing is whack because I wrote it in scattered chunks while doing other parts at the same time#and idk if I'll get to the stuff involving the companions before I fizzle out#so it feels weird to share it before I get it to that point or properly plan out what parts I'm writing#this is why my BG3 fic is like 50 pages of random shit between game events that never saw the light of day#except Nikki got to see the document lmao (hi again)#need to sit down and just do heavy editing even though it means like either cutting a third of it or doing a heavy rewrite#the first like 4 paragraphs feel like a chore to read through which is Not Good#and I don't love how I tried to wrap it up but continuing it to a better conclusion feels like rambling for another 10 pages y'know#anyways hi stream of consciousness losing twitter has brought my curse of gab back here
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someone who is good at reading too much into nothing pls analyze my dream
#i had this weird dream where i was looking for an apartment like always and i went to this one that i guess was a townhouse#but it was a whole house but it was attached like an apartment and had a hallway and everything but i went the first time#to see it and i was like holy shit bc it had 4 bedrooms and it was literally like 4000 square feet and it was 1300 a month#and i was like well yeah of course i want this but the vibe feels so off ? but idk why so i went to some others and whatever but#i was like it's stupid not to take that one when it is literally bigger than a house and so i went to see it again#and i was like the vibe is still so off but it's such a nice place :( so anyway i kept walking around and i was leaving and there were#other people there touring it too and i was like does anyone hear that ? and the realtor was like yeah it's the downstairs neighbors again#theyre always fighting and it was literally 2 people screaming their lungs out at each other but she didnt care she just started stomping#and i was like girl i do not think that's how you solve that but ok. then i was like wow it's like my old haunted apartment irl where#my neighbors would quite literally throw each other into the walls at 3am and then i was like omg that's why the vibe feels off#and then i remembered i had researched the place and found out two little girls died there and i was like ok yeah. i dont want this#so i kept walking to find the exit and then i saw 2 little girls ! climbing up the stairs and like flickering in and out of the light#like movie ghosts and i was like OMG there they are and they were talking to me and i was like How is no one else seeing this but#they were talking to ME directly and i was like pls stop talking to me like i was so scared and what they were saying to me was like#we're yours now like we're staying with YOU and then they walked up the stairs and out the door#and i was like oh great now i have ghosts attached to me and i was sooooo scared i dont even know why and then i went outside#and i was talking to these two people i had met inside the place and i was suspicious so i was like where are you from ?#like what country ? bc i figured no one who was a ghost could answer that for some reason lmaooo and they couldnt answer and i#was like yeah i knew it youre ghosts and they were like yeah we are and so i was like What the fuck is going on then i remembered the girls#and i was like where did they even go#anyway then i went back home to wherever i was living and surprise surprise the ghost girls were there and i was like i literally#cannot do this and i was so scared again and like they were just normal little girls but i was so scared and anyway they were like#you have to help us find out who killed us and then we can leave you like ok how very ghost whisperer but i was like ok i will help you#and then i remembered if i help them then i will get to see one person i know who died. which i guess was just a rule or something.#and then i was like oh yeah my husband died. if i help them then i can see him again#then anyway i had to leave bc work was calling me and then i got in my dead husbands incredibly small car which i couldnt even see out of#it was so small and then i was driving on the pch ? and there was so much traffic and i had to make a u turn and i fell off a cliff. the en#the thing that's so strange about it is how scared i was like irl i was breathing so hard when i woke up and literally had goosebumps like#idk i feel like it was a warning but for what lmao#i did go look at apartments this weekend and i did find one that is fine but it's not haunted at all the vibe was nothing u know
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tell me how to get through my dog dying bc honestly 😁🔫
#i feel like my heart has been ripped out of my fucking chest#I saw her Thursday morning I drove back to chicago she died Friday morning#just in shock can’t believe this is reality#she was 13 we got her when I was 16 I begged for a dog my whole fucking life#and when my dad said yea it was the best day of my entire life dude.#and she’s gone.#she was the light of my whole family’s lives and we’re just devestated#idk what to do with myself#and I’m just in Chixago fucking dealing with it#I feel so bad for my parents and brother they were with her 24/7#and I’m also so sad for the time I spent away from her.#from the time I was in college to the time I’ve lived here and in wisconsin#and I think about how much I hated the time here and the time in college and how I could’ve been spending that with her#or doing anything else#I think about walking into that house and her not being there and I feel like I could fucking collapse#and I feel like no one else fucking cares#anyway. rip to the best girl shadow#literally my best friend in the world and I just hope she was happy bc she made us all so happy
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I've been thinking about crocheting a slice of bread (because of Younghoon)- for a few weeks now- the thing holding me back was finishing a mini sweater for my mom's plushie- I did not want to finish that thing at all- (It only needed 6 more stitches and two 12 chains on either side)... The want to have a bread plushie for yh was so strong that I finished those stitches- and two days later- (after watching love revolution) In 3 hrs- I made 'Bbangie'! The bread loaf of my crochet dreams~ (It was actually really easy- I just kept getting distracted by tbz) And if anyone wishes to know the pattern/see Bbangie lmk-
#idk what to tag this#kate rambles#kate crafts#kate will ramble in the tags about 'bbangie'#i couldn't get the cute little plushies they sold from a kpop store so i've resorted to making my own... not that i haven't before but man#gotta do everything around here... jk ofc- but i wish merch was more available on cute things#anyways the free yarn my friend gave me came in handy today- (i got bunches of colors from her) i was just gonna cut up my#ombre light brown-black yarn when i realized she had give me tan and golden brown~ thanks mutt!#the piece of 'bread' isn't perfect yet- but i don't really care about the imperfections unless i'm making it for someone else- so i'll#prolly never fix them- it'll just be my emotional support piece of bread when i watch yh from now on-#it's 'two slices of bread' and then attached by single crochet then flipped right side out= to make a pretty edge like a bread loaf#i talked about it on ig but i wanted to talk about it on here in depth because i just love the little thing-#i didn't put any stuffing into it because i didn't want it to suck to clean later- and also it feels more like 'bread' w/o stuffing anyway#is bbangie it's actual name- no- i just don't know what to spell it the way i pronounce it for fun- buh-bbangie is what i call it-#it has no eyes cause that seems like a psychological nightmare- no mouth to scream but all eyes to see yknow? so alas it's just bread#i raised it from a string#also i originally saw someone crochet a sandwich bag- and i was like omg- i could make a mini bread plushie for yh- and it took me til now#to do so- but i'm so happy i did tbh#if anyone wants to see the little guy on here lmk
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:3
#not fandom related#personal log stardate#trans stuff#1 month on T now! 😁 i def got the most surprising changes#my voice changed a teeny tiny bit. after just waking up and when im putting in effort it's in the androgynous range now.#it doesnt pass as male at all tho. period is reduced to light spotting. i got some bottom growth but i did not feel that at all#so no sensitivity or anything. i just discovered one day that ive had bottom growth#none of the 3 h's (horny hungry hot) for me. in fact i was worried at first my dose was either too low or high or im not absorbing the gel#well bc i didn't notice anything at all. but nope. changes are happening!#now to the bad stuff. had a thrombosis scare last week. i already have a raised risk and T raises it even more and then i had weird pain in#my calf last week. it went away again tho so maybe it was from working out or smth idk. i probably should've seen a doctor just to make#sure my blood levels are ok and i don't have polycythemia. maybe ill do that this week#also. atrophy 😬#i did not know you could get this like. instantly. i thought this was smth that happened after years on T#anyway. my junk is irritated. i don't do anything w it and the mucus outside is irritated just like that#it is basically almost always uncomfortable. sometimes worse sometimes barely noticeable. idk if it's just a pH change from starting T or i#it'll settle into smth long term. ive now bought a moisturizing cream for down there. haven't tried it out yet but what I've tried is#just putting some lube there over night and it did reduce the symptoms. let's see how that will develop in the next few weeks#i know there's estrogen cream but you need a prescription for that i think. ill try that if the other stuff fails#so anyway my changes are kinda unlike of what ive read usually happens in the first month except for bottom growth#im not complaining (except abt the atrophy)#also shout out to my doctor for putting in my chart that i want to be referred to as a man and also actually referring to me as a#man. only one nurse is actually paying attention to that though and she's also the one who handled my paperwork once where it said im trans#she just uses my last name w/o anything else which is fine for me. i don't pass yet so it would be awkward if i was sir'd in front of other#patients. also i know one of the other nurses from my private life (she's an acquaintance of a former colleague of mine) so she only knows#me pre-transitioning and it again would be kinda awkward idk. i think ill have a talk w the nurses abt what i want to be referred to when i#a little further along in my medical transition. for now its fine being misgendered in front of other patients bc i dont pass anyway#but it's nice being respected in private ie when im alone w my doctor or a nurse#oh btw i had my first exam this week ugh. i was not as well prepared as i should've been but i don't worry abt it too much#bc this is only the first exam and there are many more to come so now i can learn from my mistakes and prepare better/more efficiently
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