#I genuinely think that I might just perceive the world differently than just about everyone else--even after constant evaluation and

[musical-chick-13]

Sometimes I genuinely wonder if I am just stupid.

[panlight]

The first Twilight book ending with so much genuinely intriguing information about Alice that is immediately ignored is so crazy to me that it’s honestly funny.

The other vampires don’t necessarily remember their human lives well compared to their vampire ones but they do clearly have a lot of memories that inform who they are as people. And then we find out that Alice remembers almost nothing about being human and is the only vampire we meet who basically had her entire personality be created from only her vampire life. And the idea of who someone would be if they had only ever been a super powered future seeing non human is interesting, and it would have been especially interesting to see how it makes her act different from the others and perceive the world differently because she wouldn’t in any way identify with humanity or being human and any human experiences.

And then she just is exactly like everyone else and no it didn’t actually affect a single thing about her personality. And the fact that as both a human and vampire she has never experienced time in a linear fashion is way less impactful on her character than one would think beyond that she used future sight as a helpful tool.

Smeyer is so wild for creating genuinely really cool character and world building ideas and then immediately ignoring them and not considering that they would in any way correlate to how that character acts

Oh for sure! There are so many fascinating little character details that just . . . don't . . . go . . . anywhere. Really Alice waking up as a vampire with no memory of anything else is SO interesting and could be such a contrast to the others, but it's only sort of hinted at and doesn't end up really mattering at all. There's Edward's line about how if she hadn't had her ability to see the future and saw Jasper and Carlisle and where her life would end up, she'd probably have turned out to be a feral monster or something and how no one could understand how she could be abandoned like that. SM pays lips service to the idea that Alice doesn't remember being human but she mostly uses that to like, push her into being obsessed with human rites of passage for Bella that she can sort of live vicariously through rather than a deeper, more meaningful exploration of what it would be like to be in Alice's shoes.

Genuinely, I'm fascinated by every single one of the Cullens' stories as newborns except Bella's, because it's just the most boring one. She doesn't give up or lose anything, she doesn't wake up to a world she didn't know existed. She's about as well-informed as a human could be and she wants to be a vampire and is instantly good at it so it's all just so . . . blah. Alice waking up with no memory and superpowers and insatiable thirst is about 1000 times more interesting. Just imagine how disorientating and confusing and frightening that would be! Carlisle lived out his own horror movie as a newborn, being bitten on a vampire hunting raid gone wrong, hiding during his transformation out of fear his father would burn him alive, realizing what he had become and trying to destroy himself before he hurt anyone ending with him starving himself in the woods for months. Jasper, too, had a whole horror movie where he was the nightmarish monster, to humans as well as other vampires. And the other Cullens died and 'woke' up to a new life they had no idea about and had to lean on strangers they either barely knew or didn't know at all. That's the interesting stuff. That's what I like about vampire stories. But these experiences barely matter to how they act in the present day. Jasper's poor self control matters in some scenes and doesn't matter at all in others. Rosalie's baby obsession is a big feature of Breaking Dawn, but Esme, who actually had and lost a baby, might as well be wallpaper in that book. Edward's going on about how could he ever love this thing if it kills Bella, meanwhile Carlisle's mother literally DID die giving birth to him and it never enters the conversation.

And for SM, Alice's whole "doesn't remember being human" ends up being focused entirely on like, shopping and parties and clothes, so she can live vicariously through Bella. And on one hand there's something interesting in there, something pathetic (in the pathos sense) with Alice trying to understand humanity in this sort of superficial way because she doesn't have the experience or memories to go any deeper, but it's mostly portrayed as just wheee isn't Alice fun! I wish I had a sister/best friend like Alice! It's just blatantly obvious that it's less about who Alice is than what she can do for Bella.

Even in New Moon where we find out that Alice has been researching her own history, found her own grave and asylum admission papers, and it goes nowhere! It doesn't change how Alice behaves at all, it doesn't change her relationship with Bella, Bella just kind of goes "huh interesting" and we never hear about it again. I mean Alice goes through it in these books and you wouldn't even know! She finds out that James had hunted her when she was human and this other vampire turned her to save her and died defending her. She finds out she was put in an asylum by her father and he told everyone she was dead. And even though she's the 4th most prominent character after Bella, Edward and Jacob, there's still no room in the Bella-centric narrative for Alice to have the space to actually deal with any of this. She's too busy fulfilling her role as Bella's fairy godmother sister.

[ash-says]

I think your page speaks volumes about the way you’ve perceived and endured life and I’m sorry you haven’t had the time or opportunity to soak up the good things that are all around you, I hope you develop skills that allow your success to be built off of things that are good and pure and not cheap manipulation tactics and lies

Devil may care: A guide on being unbothered.

Okay, and??

Sweetheart, I really appreciate your unwanted sympathies and illusionary sensitivity directed towards me. In our culture when someone is being sweet, kind and helpful (even if fake) we make sure that we pay them back with something valuable. Here's a small guide curated for you that will help you in being self secure so you won't feel threatened by other people's success and opinions.

1) Have a life:

Nothing screams idle to me more than this. Like you have time to be offended by someone's post and comments which you might just scroll by and ignore?? On top of that going above and beyond to let that person know. Okay, Sushma. Now log off and do the pending coursework.

2) Build genuine confidence:

Ladies, fake it till you make it can only go this far. You have to work on your underlying issues and address them. If you don't you are susceptible to triggering even by a mere stranger. Confident people don't need to go above and beyond to prove other people. They embody it.

3) Self awareness:

It's tiring to explain this. Just Google it at this point. This word is thrown like a football everywhere. You know it. Do the homework.

4) Practice self compassion and boundaries:

Negative feedback is part and parcel of life. Accept it, analyse and if it applies adopt or otherwise ignore. Boundaries are important to understand the difference between constructive criticism and disrespect.

If disrespected don't be afraid to put a bitch in place. Until then shut your mouth and concentrate on your goals.

5) Opinions are subjective:

Everyone has their own life experiences and opinions are formed based on those. Your Roman Empire might be different from your friends but does it mean it's invalid? No. Develop empathy and open-mindedness. Not everyone has the same views. It's okay.

6) Develop a thick skin:

You can't survive in this world if you are triggered by the tiniest of things. You have to be comfortable in being painted both as a hero and as a villain. Don't let others opinion get to your head. Owe to yourself that I will stand in my truth thou glory or disgrace.

7) Reflect a rbf stance:

When someone tries to belittle you, try to put you down, talk shit about you. Your body language should be cold and reserved with a rbf that screams intimidation but all you are going to say is Okay, and??

8) Master Sarcasm:

I have said this before and I will say it again. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Sarcasm is the ice in it. Ladies learn sarcasm. It's the one way ticket to put people in their place in a humorous way.

9) Be classy. Be polite. BE UNTOUCHABLE.

Who do you think will be named as the crazy one? The one who is screaming and belittling someone or the one who is still being polite but discreetly showing the person where they belong. Never resort to screaming and shouting. That's dumb. Second never go out of your way to prove how you are relevant. Take it or leave it mentality.

10) Seek professional help:

Even after all of this you are not able to practice being unbothered. I think a therapist is the best solution for you.

P.S. :Ladies, this is what I mean when I say leverage the fuck out of your connections and opportunities. This is how you turn a negative into a positive.

Plus I am petty enough to not let this disrespect slide but thought it would be a good content idea for my posts, isn't it??

That's all for today's show on ash-says. Stay tuned for more illegal tricks and explosive opinions.

[inamindfarfaraway]

It's so cool that the Viren-Claudia-Callum foil triangle each have a different approach to the "I would do anything for you" sentiment that they all define themselves by.

Pre-coma Viren doesn't fully mean it even when he believes he does. He says that his loyalty is to the best interests of his family and humanity, but as K'ppar points out in his dream, he keeps putting his own ambition and self-importance before anything else. He doesn't consider sacrificing his life for Harrow until Harrow brings it up. Even after that, he never once thinks of giving up the dragon prince's egg; the belief that the prince was killed is part of the reason the assassins are here and returning him to them might appease them, might at least make them spare Harrow's son, which the man Viren loves as a brother would obviously want. He orders Soren to kill the princes to guarantee Viren the throne. He orders Claudia to save the egg instead of Soren if she had to choose. Harrow, Ezran, Callum and his own child are not worth losing the power of Zym to his enemies for. He isn't willing to sacrifice his power or vision, his selfish interests, but is instead willing to sacrifice the people he loves, which is why he's evil. The promise is conditional. But what lets him redeem himself is that the love at the base of it really is unconditional. He still loves Harrow and genuinely expresses this in his dream, overwhelmed with relief when he appears to be alive. He still loves his children, even after all the horrible things he does to them and the lack of remorse he shows for those actions until his death. The coma reminds him of that enduring love, and makes him reevaluate how he dismissed it.

Claudia is the opposite. When she says she'll do anything for someone, she means it with everything she has. Herself, her moral integrity, other people's lives, the fate of the world - nothing is more important to her than her perceived responsibility to her loved ones. Including what her loved ones themselves want. But she can also change her mind about who she loves, at least enough to see them as against her rather than with her. Callum is her friend, until he isn't. Soren is her family, until he isn't and only Viren is worth protecting. Like her father’s did before her, her value of Soren’s wellbeing has been slipping from “That’s all that matters” to “That doesn’t matter!” People can be disqualified by opposing her desires and ideology. The promise is unconditional, but the love isn't.

And then you have Callum, who seems to have the best approach of the three. He means his promise when he says it and will never rescind it later on. His devotion is both absolute and everlasting. He will do anything for Ezran and Rayla, putting them before his own interests; and he would never consider them expendable. That's great! After all, having conditions of worth in relationships they don't belong in is bad. It leads to Viren and Claudia hurting, manipulating and betraying their family and friends, and such behaviour feels viscerally wrong. They're traitors. They're abusers. Those are serious crimes. Those labels are grievous insults meaning ‘Bad Person’. But unlike both Viren and Claudia, Callum doesn't have the arrogant belief that he always know best to warp his love into something self-serving. His genuine selflessness prevents him from ever becoming that kind of person. He does cut ties with Claudia, but only after she proves to be untrustworthy and have enduring harmful intent toward him, his brother and Rayla, so it's a perfectly reasonable boundary to set. His version of "I would do anything for you" just makes him caring and heroic. Right?

Until you realize that technically, if he had to kill everyone else on the continent in order to save Ezran and Rayla, all evidence from canon suggests that he would.

[glitteryinknotes]

Okay, but what kind of person would Astarion be most attracted to?

I have the image of Astarion softly confessing to Tav "you're incredible" stuck on a loop in my mind, but other than that, it actually got me thinking, just the simple way he says that and the look and yearning behind his eyes. What kind of person would he most likely perceive as such, for reasons he himself might not even understand at the beginning, couldn't resist falling in love with and be most happy & pushed to grow in an eventual relationship with? Here are some my instinctive thoughts.

(please do not get discouraged if you're basing the relationship of your MC & Astarion on different attributes & different ideas; those are only my own thoughts, propably influenced by the kind of character I'm planning to make on my Baldur's Gate playthrough.

Those are both headcanons for the first act, as well as for the official relationship parts.

And please share your thoughts if you have any, i'd be glad to compare my ideas to other people's impressions of this beautiful spawn)

Alas;

Someone joyful, proud & full of life. Astarion yearns to live and taste life on his own terms, having been denied any kind of autonomy & free will for the last two hundreds years, like he himself admits in the spawn ending; presence of someone genuinely full of life, shining, cheerful, dedicated to every small & great bliss the world can offer AND proud of it, despite their precarious situation about the whole tadpole business, would be intoxicating to him. That kind of person around would, for him, be an embodiment of everything he's been deprived of i'm Cazador's slavery; a being so fascinating in their pure, unabashed lust for joy in life, he wouldn't be able to keep them off his mind despite his best efforts.

Someone self - assured. For similar reasons as above. His trauma pushed him to depend entirely on himself & forever be in defense, from a place of terror, insecurity and loathing his past deeds. And so, I believe anyone carrying themselves with their head up high, with true confidence and class, not just masquarading bravado to mask their fear, facing everything fate throws at them with the same unrelenting attitude, would be something irresistible for him on some level. No matter if that very person was luckily spared from harsher life experiences, or traumatised as much as he had been. He would wish with all his soul he could be more like them and learn from them, perhaps even hide behind them to some degree.

Someone with fine taste. It's no surprise Astarion enjoys fine things; it would be his pleasure to be matched in his love for comfort & luxury.

Someone open, yet respectful in their everyday affections. Someone who would proudly peck him on the cheek or neck in the presence of everyone in the camp, but won't be aggressively throwing themselves into his arms each second; someone who would greet him each day with the most blissful smile or a warm embrace, but not too overly dramatic. Someone who wouldn't shy from openly referring to him in front of others in his own renditions of "my love", "my sweet" and "my darling" and who'd always keep an eye on him from the distance at camp ground to smile whenever your eyes met, but wouldn't publicly boast about every single detail between the two of you and allow him to keep his space & secrets. Somene playful, yet incredibly authentic in their feelings. All of that would provide him the so desired feeling of safety, love & genuineness, keep him amused and most importantly, provide him with a trusted learning example of how to act, express feelings & treat the other in a relationship. He might & absolutely will try to publicly brush all those affections off and go his usual suave way about it, but inside, or even openly on his face when taken off guard? His undead heart is singing with joy

Someone gentle & considerate. He surely enjoys someone with fantasy, a playful side and some art in lovemaking, but what he craves more than anything is tenderness & love. Anything you do with him in his mind delights him, and over the time he'd learn to accept it without shielding himself with sarcasm. From some minor gifts, asking for his opinion on matters he wouldn't expect to be asked about, to being considerate & delicate in intimacy, everything is such a gift to him even if he doesn't even know how to receive it & respond properly

Someone with wit. I think he would feel quite at home with someone who would at least partially share his gift for words; maybe in an entirely different manner than him, but even so someone to understand, match and carry on a conversation with him along his suave mannerism and irony.

[Thank you for your attention, might edit or add up later]

[renfieldrenrat]

Talking about my Alterhumanity 🌙

Howdy! I go online by the name Renfield! I'm a therian who's been awakened* since October 2018, alongside multiple other kintypes and identities which I discovered over time.

*I knew I was different in a way since a very early age and always thought of myself as not human, as early as I can remember. I would describe my "awakening" as finding out what therianthropy is and having a name for whats going on with me.

Wanted to take the time to talk about my alterhumanity, as I don't see those type of posts so often around and it might even help people who are struggleing on finding their own identity or just to get a general better understanding of what an alterhuman is.

(Looong post ahead)

🌙 First off I should clerify what my identities are!

(Poly) Therian

My Theriotypes are: Coyote, black (gray) wolf and red fox.

(Coyote als being my core animal identity).

Otherkin

My Kintypes are: Vampire (Vampyre), Werewolf and Timelord.

(Timelord is also tied to one of my Fictionkin identities)

Fictionkin

My Fictotypes are: Renfield, Doctor Who, Clint Barton, Edward Munson, Eric (AQPDO), Stede Bonnet (OFMD), Mobius, Jack Russel (Werewolve by Night)

Renfield also being my core identity in general. Renfield is my strongest kintype, I am constantly and always Renfield involuntary.

Songkin (Conceptkin)

Songkins: Steam Powered Giraffe - Honeybee, Wired Wrong, Fire Fire

Albums: Djo - TWENTY TWENTY and DECIDE/D-SIDE Album

(Will make an extra post)

Fursonakin

Cody and Joshua

(Gonna make an extra post for this too)

(I'm also Otherhearted with a vew Kithtypes!)

🌙 How I found out I was a Therian

My therian identity was the first alterhuman identity I discovered and ties to my animalistic urges and the behaviour I had since I was a kid, which weren't usual compared to other children (seen from my own perspective). As side note, I am neurodivergent and would describe my mind as simply wired different. That's also the best explaination I have for my therianthropy.

Since an early age I would see myself as an animal and genuinely believed in elementary school that I was a werewolf and could transform, if I only tried enough or was old enough. (I know I am physically human, I was just a kid being a kid). I would sometimes experience ear- and tail shifts as a child (didn't know what this was about as a kid. Thought everyone had that). I've always been highly sensitive of sound and weather. I also experience emotions much stronger and intense than majority/typical (HSP)

Which I would later come to see as: I think as my Theriotype/Kintype.

Anyway, so in October of 2018 I discovered PD (Pink Dolphin)'s YouTube channel, hearing of the term "Therian" for the first time. I watched a vew of PD's videos and looked up some reddit posts about therianthropy. (Reddit not being the best source ever but didn't know where to look back then). I quickly realised "Hey, I think this term fits me and how I've been perceiving me and the world this whole time." And so the questioning for my possible theriotype began. While scrolling through multiple pages related to therianthropy I actually discovered that I experience a certain type of shift alot. Dreamshifts. I can distinguish intense/realistic dreams from experiencing actual dream shifts. It's this one certain feeling dream shifts have to them when I experience one, which I cannot really put into words. (Quick side note, you don't have to experience shifts in order to be a therian. Some do, some don't. I just personally happen to get dreamshifts specifically alot and sometimes but not as frequent mental or sensory shifts.) To get back: Clear images of what my internal self looks like come mainly from my dreamshifts, colour and exact shape wise.

I would first believe that I was a winged wolf. Realizing later, after proper and long research, that I am a Coyotekin and Corvid Otherhearted. (Till this day I get often cameoshifts of birds and back then had them mistaken for a winged canine creature). Also found to be a red fox a little later and in 2022 also that I am a black wolf aswell, after having it as werewolfkin first. I was wrong with being a werewolf and just a "regular" wolf instead, making it a theriotype.

And that's the best I can put it. I'm a psychological Polytherian with three theriotypes.

🌙 My identity as Vampirekin (Vampyre)

At first, let me explain to you what being a Vampyre / Vampirekin means to me. Everyone has different experiences. This is how I experience mine and how it affects my life.

There is a bit of a difference between vampire kinshifts I experience and my general Vampyre identity.

I consider myself a Psychic Vampire (metaphysical energy.)

(* as side note, I am not that deep into spirituality)

I am a highly sensitive empath (HSP) and feel most of the time something missing on a emotional basis. I found to be a psychic vampire as I use the energy of others to recharge what is missing on my behalf. I feel drained most of the time and rarely have moments of longer lasting energy. More intimate moments between me and another human being are not a thing really accouring so I basically have to stick to such simple things as positive conversations with others or hugs from friends, in order to take energy. As it's very "light" it's not a draining process for anyone involved. I don't want to feel like "stealing" the energy from them so I always try to give those something back and thanking them (not in words.)

However, going over to my kinshifts and the things I seperate from being a Psychic Vampire and rather count it to Vampirekin as a seperate thing:

I OFTEN get fang shifts, the vampire "teeth shifts" are different from the shifts I get from my theriotypes. For my canine shifts I feel a snout and full set of sharp, canine teeth. For my vampire shifts it's the single sharp canines inside my (human) mouth. I also have claw shifts that are fingerlike with sharp nails and differ from my paw shifts.

I also experience sort of blood lust and have a biting urge.

I have a general fascination for blood. (Don't take this in a creepy way.)

My Vampirekin is also linked to my Renfield Fictionkin.

Other things I consider part of my identity:

I've always been a night person and feel the most alive at night/I am most productive during that time.

Very sensitive to weather (hot and cold), highly sensitivity in general (HSP).

I am drawn to graveyards, consider it a hearthome.

(Random side note, my biggest and longest lasting 'till now hyperfixations are Vampires and Dracula in specific.)

Fictionkin identities 🌙

It takes too long to cover every single of my Fictionkin identities, so I'll try to chop it down and use my corekin Renfield to write about.

Renfield:

This is a fictionkin, heavily linked to my vampire identity in general. On one hand Renfield from the 1931 cinematic version of Dracula, played by Dwight Frye and Renfield from the 2023 film, played by Nicolas Hoult. (Also Renfields depiction/describtion in Bram Stokers gothic novel)

At a faithfull night I started reading Bram Stokers Dracula, as I've been hyperfixating on Vampires since I was a kid and thought it would be a nice addition, since I also love reading. On page 99, R.M. Renfield is first mentioned. Reading further and further, I immediately knew that this is not just a "I relate to him" it was a "this is me." I never had felt something like this up until this point. After I had watched the 1931 version of Dracula I was sure. I see myself internally as Dwight Frye's portrayal of Renfield, alongside memories of the particular Carpathian Mountains and Castle Dracula that is shown in that version of the movie.

(Kinfirmed Renfield in february 2021)

Y'all can only imagin the hype I felt when I saw that there would be a Renfield focused movie to come in 2023!

For Hoult's perfomance as Renfield, I saw him the first second and it was like looking into a mirror, that isn't reflecting my outlook but my internal self. As they are both Renfield (the 1931 film even having a flashback appearence in the Renfield movie) with just different takes on the character and story, I coined them as one identity. I am Renfield. My own, internal version of Renfield entails every version of Renfield in a way.

The next part is more on how I see Renfield as a person so opinions on his character might differ on this but that's okay! Everyone can see a character how they want and interpret them. This is how I see Renfield.

Thinking back I kind of always been Renfield. Missunderstood and always seem to be second choice, just like Renfield. Spending all of my energy on others, ignoring my own needs, just like Renfield. Lonely and just left behind in the end, just like Renfield. Used and manipulated, just like Renfield. I don't have a master to serve but I never put myself first and cry if not able to finish a task as expected. (Example buying something specific at the groceries but that food item isn't available, so it's not my fault for the store running out of stock but I am still frustraded and angry for not being able to bring that item). I am not a leader, rather a follower.

This was very personal and I hope I won't regret this ✨

Anyway! I hope this was helpfull in any way and that this wasn't a too long of a read.

Feel free to ask me questions in my QnA thing! I love answering questions!

[secretmellowblog]

One of the more devastating things about the rise of AI “art” to me, outside of the obvious theft and Silicon Valley corporate evil and threat to the livelihoods of so many people, is just…the realization that so many of the people who’ve interacted with my art or writing don’t see me as a human being.

Like? Ever since high school I’d do drawing requests for people. I always thought it was like playing a game with those people, or having a conversation, or connecting in some small way.

And it’s crushing to realize that might never have been true? That everyone who was “talking” to me could have replaced me with an algorithm that spat out content and it wouldn’t have made a difference. I look back on the hundreds of free requests I drew for people because I was a lonely teenager flattered they liked something about me or the way I drew, and suddenly realize that basically none of those people liked anything about me as a person or the way I saw the world— the only viewed me as a tool they could use.

Idk I think a lot about how after Kim Jung Gi died, someone fed his work into an algorithm and generated copies of it as if that was the same thing— when no! He’s more than an art style and type of brushstroke! He wasn’t a tool, he was a thinking feeling human being. But even a great artist like him isn’t really perceived as a person? He’s just a mash of data you can shove into an algorithm to automatically generate products for you to consume. And an art producing machine is “superior” to the original person because it doesn’t get sad or tired or sick and it doesn’t die, and the only downside is that it creates art entirely absent of purpose or meaning or care or intent.

I don’t know, it’s weird to spend so much time on social media and then suddenly be hit by the horrifying realization that there might not be anyone on the other end. And that hurts even when, like me, most of the stuff you post is just sorta cute and goofy and inane. When people talk to you, they’re not talking to you; and when you try to talk to them, it’s like you’ve been talking to no one. You’re a tool that generates content and the moment they can automate some shallow surface level aspects of what you create it genuinely doesn’t matter to them if you’re alive or dead.

And I know that’s not true for some people who follow or interact with me, and I’m genuinely thankful for that; but the massive callous indifference a very weird thing to have to come to terms with, idk ahsjdjd XD.

[k-s-morgan]

Hello Ekateryna!  First of all, I hope you’re well and that you haven’t been too badly affected by recent events. This situation is disastrous.                                     

I went to church recently and lit a candle for you and your loved ones. It’s nothing more than a small act of faith, and some people would find it stupid. But they say that as long as you have hope, you have life. In our hearts.     

Concerning your latest piece of fiction on time travel (about Harry and Tom), there’s a question that’s been bothering me. Let me explain: back then, people spoke differently; accents were different, elocution was different, expressions were different; people even used words that today are considered obsolete.    Anyway, my question is: how does Harry manage to fit in despite all this? Doesn’t it occur to anyone that the way he talks is really very odd or even very inappropriate? (The way we talk today might be considered vulgar or completely out of place by people of that time). I understand if you find my question fussy, but I’m genuinely curious.

On the same theme, in relation to the divergence of the times: does Harry have enough general knowledge to, for example, talk about politics or current affairs, or wizards and Muggles in those two spheres? Does he know the music, the fashions, the… OK, I mean, does he know enough about the times to fit in without people thinking, “This guy’s an alien”?     Or, on the contrary, do the people they talk to at Hogwarts find him strange, but don’t tell him so? Does Harry come across as eccentric? That would be really funny, in a sad-funny way, but funny nonetheless.     

I hope you don’t mind my asking. In any case, thank you for the time and energy you devote to your stories. I send you my love and I wish you courage for the future. I send you my love.

----------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------

Hi! Thank you so, so much for caring and lighting the candle for me and my family... This means a lot to me. I was so touched to read your ask, and when I told my Mom about it, she actually cried.

And thank you for an interesting question! I do have an explanation for how Harry is perceived by everyone. Since there is an intensifying war with Grindelwald, a lot of people are displaced. Harry arrived to Hogwarts as an orphan. We know there are other students in a similar situation, like Aline, who changed the countries, so most people automatically assume that Harry also came from some other part of the world. Everyone suspects that he’s an illegitimate part of the Potters family, so the general idea is that he was sent away for some other people to raise him, as far from England as possible, but that he still received proper education. So he knows English and he knows the spells, but a lot about his behavior and habits come across as somewhat unusual.  

No one asked him anything for now for different reasons: some depend on Tom to make a decision if someone is worthy of any consideration; others don’t want to touch the mess with the Potters; some despise Slytherins too much while others are just not interested. This will change now the more Harry becomes a part of Tom’s closest circle. 

As for Harry’s knowledge, I think he’s completely clueless about the majority of things :D He knows some things about WW2, but any specifics allude him; he can recognize some music but he’ll never be able to tell what period it is from. Right now, he doesn’t really talk to most people for these general innocent topics to come up, but it’ll start popping up here and there, with more people remarking on how weird Harry is. 

Tom, in turn, just attributes any weirdness to the differences between his world and Harry’s (fake) one. It’s really a very convenient excuse :D 

[m1ckeyb3rry]

MIRA HOW DO I WRITE KAISER HELP A GIRL OUT

HIIII so i’ve written kaiser twice but the second time was more of a short fluff piece so i’ll focus more on how i wrote him in the instrument because that went a bit more into depth w his character and was also longer than airport visit!!

warning: spoilers up until chapter 267 of the bllk manga in this!!

so at least in the instrument, i wrote him as someone who WANTS to love but doesn’t know how to without hurting other people (i was so proud of myself when that panel of him saying he wants to be loved came out because it made me feel like i had characterized him so well that the way he acted in the manga was exactly the same as how he acted in the fic i wrote weeks before that chapter’s release). i did not write him to be outright abusive but he’s definitely abrasive and closed off and hard to reach/connect with on a genuine level. i don’t see him being particularly charming or flirtatious, though i can see why people would take that route; at least for me, however, i view him as someone who has never know genuine intimacy and is probably lowkey terrified it considering what happened between his parents and how his father treated him

in the instrument, he never outright tells reader his trauma, which is because i don’t view him as a character who’d want to talk about things that have hurt him. he alludes to it because he wants her to know and because deep down he’s little more than a frightened boy searching for reassurance, but he never straight up says “my dad beat me and my mother left me” because he’s way too proud to ever admit what he perceives to be a weakness

overall i really tried to hone in on how he would react to being given genuine, unconditional love for the first time and the emotional complications he’d have given his background. he surprisingly is not a very extreme character — it’s easy to make him SUPER flirty, SUPER angry, SUPER depressed, but he’s more of a balance of a lot of different aspects, even more so than a lot of other characters in the series. that’s why you see people’s opinions shift on him so drastically from chapter to chapter!! they are used to viewing characters in a more reductive way, and he does not at all lend himself to that. if you zoom in too much on just one facet of him and neglect to weave in the rest that’s when you can veer into ooc territory (at least to me personally!! ofc everyone has different opinions and lenses that they see characters through)

i do think it helped when i was writing him that i had prior experience with character-focused work based in darker settings (one of my aot fics is literally just an exploration of the mc’s mental spiral due to the horrible situations she’s forced into as a warrior candidate), as it means i’m a lot more comfortable with writing about his psyche and how that would impact his way of interacting with the world. that just comes with practice though!! writing heavier stuff is hard at first.

now if you want to write a more lighthearted fluffy kaiser fic, i would say he’s still not really the type to be overly romantic or fussy when he’s in love — he shows his caring through actions, not words. considering how he used to be a thief and whatnot, he would either LOVE to buy things for a significant other just to prove he can, or he might be a bit more insecure about money just in case something happens. if you go w the second option as his characterization, he’d probably then be an acts of service type of guy who does everything to take care of his s/o in order to show them he loves them, even if he’s not the best about it otherwise. i think you could write him as someone on the sassier side or someone kinda gruff and bossy, but i don’t know if i personally would make him particularly smooth or charming or anything. maybe on the surface, but that’s not who he really is, yk??

i hope this helped!! tbh he’s not a character i know a ton abt — i’ve only written for him because of requests, so he’s not like a nagi or a karasu where i genuinely like them and could ramble for ages abt them. he is growing on me though i fear 😫😓

[elvendorkinfinity]

Rewatching GO2 Episode 6 and becoming more and more convinced that at least part of the reason Aziraphale went from an initial reaction of "I've made my position quite clear" (i.e. no, I'm not even going to listen), through "I don't want to go back to Heaven" (pretty clear cut rejection) to ultimately accepting the promotion and actually going with Metatron is because he realises, or is convinced, that his only reasons for NOT doing so are selfish ones, and he can't bear to make the selfish decision.

He initially effectively says no - I made my decision when I chose to protect Earth. He says this in different ways at least twice. He has also shown numerous times all the way back to the Garden that he is willing to sacrifice himself and his position in order to do good. Look at him giving the sword away and lying to God about it. Look at him lying to Gabriel to save Job's children even though he is convinced he'll Fall for it. He acts because he genuinely thinks it is the right thing to do. This is not someone who acts for personal power or safety.

Then he is told Crowley can join him (and even here doesn't actually say YES yet, he just doesn't say NO either, and both Crowley and Metatron make assumptions) and he starts to change his mind.

Aziraphale is clearly ecstatic with the whole idea as soon as he thinks Crowley will be joining him. (As soon as he has clear evidence, in this offer, that he really will be able to make tangible changes.)

Crowley turns it down. Aziraphale is visibly devastated. (Also he definitely pulled Crowley in a bit during the kiss, you do not press someone's shoulder towards you to push them away from a kiss... Anyway, neither here nor there for this discussion.)

I think Aziraphale realises/is convinced that if he refuses Heaven's/Metatron's offer, the only real reasons for that are selfish ones: He wants to stay with Crowley, with his bookshop, on Earth. Those are what he WANTS to do. They are not what he SHOULD do, from an objective "how can I do the most good" standpoint, with the assumption (justified or otherwise) that in taking the job he will be able to make changes for the better.

We are obviously all heartbroken and the consensus is generally that Aziraphale made the wrong decision. And he did. For his own and Crowley's happiness.

But even if all the "good" he manages to do ends up being perhaps advance warning of any plans Heaven has, rather than being able to change them or change Heaven as a whole, as he clearly wants to... Then that could be really important for the world/humanity/etc. And Aziraphale doesn't have all the information we do, or the perspective we do.

Possible unpopular opinion time, but... From Aziraphale's perspective, taking out "selfish" (at least, personal) reasoning? Giving the benefit of the doubt and assuming he will be able to make at least some of the changes he wants to make (we know he won't, he doesn't)... He arguably made the right choice for the good of everyone except himself and Crowley.

Aziraphale is "too pure hearted" to make the selfish choice here, or the one he perceives as selfish. He can't sacrifice the opportunity to do good for his own happiness (even assuming he could be happy if he didn't at least try and change things).

This is also why Beelzebub and Gabriel were able to "go off together" but Crowley and Aziraphale can't. Neither Gabriel nor Beelzebub care about Earth or humans at all, or have any interest in protecting it or anyone other than themselves/each other. Aziraphale and Crowley both care far too much for their own good. Aziraphale, in this decision, definitely does.

(I also think part of him is hoping that he can make the changes, do good, turn things around in Heaven… And Crowley might be convinced and change his mind. I think he's still holding out hope that Crowley will join him in the end.)

[gabetheunknown]

Hello, Gabe.

I've been reading your Geraskier fics on AO3 and enjoying them a lot. Especially Dandelion Kisses.

Now, I'm on the third installment of Improper use of Witcher signs, and in one of the notes, you state that you're asexual and I'm curious. It's definitely not meant to be judgmental or mean. I'm just genuinely interested.

An asexual who writes smut. I've seen other asexuals do the same thing, and I'm just puzzled. Is it a wish to expand your horizons in writing, stretching your abilities? Or is being asexual not being completely disinterested in sex, just not with others?

Does smut "Do anything" for you when you read or write it.

Again, I'm just curious, since I would probably label myself as overly sexual.... I write and read because it turns me on. I guess I'm just trying to understand a bit more about asexuality. I realize you cannot speak for everyone.

I hope this question isn't too much. If so, I apologize and you can just ignore it....

Hello there Anon! Aah 💕 I'm so glad you're enjoying my fanfictions!

Ooh, some good questions! I hope I can answer them and that my answers make sense lmao. Also I can never keep things short, sorry in advance.

These questions are not too much for me and I'm actually very open 💕 to anyone reading this TW talking about sexuality/asexuality under the cut. Also this might not apply to someone else, purely talking about my experiences.

I have been writing smut ever since I first found out what fanfiction is. Which was when I was about 15 or 16 years old, the perfect age to figure out what it all means, the whole romantic or sexual world.

After a lot of 'fucking around and finding out' it was only years later that I realized I am on the asexual spectrum. In my environment (and honestly, I feel like this is the case in a lot of environments) talking about sexual feelings wasn't really normal. Still I wanted to talk about it, so I was actually being viewed as someone who was obsessed with sex. But I wasn't. I never had sex, and if I did (because of the want to 'be perceived as normal') it didn't really do anything for me.

When I say years later, I mean I am currently 28 and with my first partner who I can discuss these things with in a healthy way. And I am actually more intimate with him than I have ever been with anyone else. Intimicy and sex are also two different things for me. Like the touch of skin, just cuddling and being close to each other or leaving kisses on bare shoulders, without actually doing the do. *chefs kiss *

The funny thing is, writing smut doesn't do very much for me, so I can turn something off in my mind and just... write whatever the fuck I want? xd

Reading smut does do something for me. Always has. And the more I learn about myself, the more I think it's because I am not involved. My body, my being, my brain is not involved, I'm merely fantasizing about fictional characters doing the dirty and that's so different for me. The moment I include myself, I want to roll myself up in a blanket for at least 3 hours, but I do get excited if I can focus on a fictional character's feelings. Or my partner for instance.

I am the biggest sucker for romance though. I'm the sappiest motherfucker you'll ever meet. And I also start kicking my feet when I think about my fictional characters having a romantic moment and I absolutely love writing/reading/watching those.

My relationship with writing smut still manages to surprise even me, and that's why I sometimes add the 'anyways I'm asexual' tag because I can casually write a nasty threesome between three men while having a conversation with my boyfriend about what's for dinner. And I think that's so funny.

I usually just say I'm on the asexual spectrum, because sometimes I think I'm demisexual, sometimes I think I'm aegosexual (it's worth it looking this one up, it made me feel very seen)

Hopefully I answered your questions 💕💕 I hope you have a good day!

[sunsp0tarchive]

Some thoughts about fusion, Gabriel and Ellis

(with some minor mentions of sexual themes)

Okay, this is something not a lot of people even know about, but there are sections in my oc story where gabbi and ellis actually sort of fuse into one person for periods of time. I think its an incredibly intriguing topic and i know, the inevitable "like steven universe" or "like dragon ball" will probably occur, but its my story : ) and i think it helps me explore certain themes i enjoy

Essentially, Ellis is not allowed to dream anymore, once he has made his agreement with Zachary, the strange ghost man who has taken him "under his wing" (into his control) His mind is put into a strange place when he falls asleep, and he wanders a large, blood red desert in search of anything or anyone. This place is more than just a dream as well, its the land of all things that are forgotten and dead. His mind was dumped there, put into a cage, so he would lack ways to free himself from his literal chains, hanging around his neck. He lacks the strength or orientation to make his way through the ruins of long forgotten things, that might actually hold solutions to problems in the waking world.

At the center of this world stands a large dark tower, seemingly made out of clay, smooth to the touch. Ellis has no help or guidance in the darkness, and he returns to this place every night. I dont like to put caveats into my writing, about how people might perceive certain things, but truly i genuinely love the idea that love and companionship can be guiding, strengthening forces in a characters life. Once Ellis has met Gabriel, the dreams dont stop either. But after the first night they spend together, a disoriented, confused person , made up of both of them, wakes up in the sand instead. I like to think this character is at first very disoriented about their situation, as this is obviously a very bizarre thing to happen to them. There is no one to hold their hand either, but it is almost unnecessary, as they are one whole being now, with love and care toward the parts that make them up.

This is the way to break the curse, this is the way to find the light in the dark desert. But it comes with the irritation and confusion, of waking up and being split in two again. And this way, whatever they may feel in the waking world, whether they are angry at each other or whatever, this shared experience binds them in a way that makes it very difficult for them to stay apart. (I guess, in a sense its like bonding through an experience, that no one else could really understand, one in which they learn about sides of each other that they could never truly speak out about)

I also like seeing it from a distinctly sexual angle personally. I think that true intimacy between characters is a very fascinating thing to explore in writing and art, not to say that this intimacy cant be found in a non-sexual context but, its certainly a big part in many peoples lives and it is different and uniquely meaningful for everyone.

[imakemywings]

I have just finished reading both your Earendil and Elwing defense posts (as well as Tolkien websites) and I am genuinely horrified most of all at discovering Elwing's attempted suicide being treated with so much mockery, calling her 'stupid' and whatnot for despairing and being cornered by two terrorists/murderers. Every factor that led to her action of killing herself is always glossed over and everyone just immediately goes 'HEr deCiSion tO jUmp was StuPID' or 'sHe aBANdoNed HeR ChiLdren oVeR a jEWEl'. I am still bewildered by how people had a hard time forgiving/sympathizing with her (but fucking Sauron gets ten thousand redemption/sympathy takes) like weird/awful flex but okay bro. Sorry, I just, I am just, what the hell?

It's pretty shocking, the difference in how the fandom treats Elwing's suicide vs. Maedhros'. That they both do it (albeit for very different reasons) presents such an easy case of fandom misogyny because I don't know that I've ever seen anyone criticize Maedhros as "abandoning" his responsibilities or anything by doing it. I feel like this is tied into how fandom treats mother characters in general: that if you are not a PERFECT mother whose life is wholly and only centered around the care of her children, then you're a self-centered bitch and a bad mom. Elwing is not allowed to despair or struggle or be angry because Think of Her Children! Mother characters get ripped to shreds by fandoms across the board if they are perceived as anything less than flawless, and it's so exhausting (Morwen gets a similar treatment, although less frequently simply because people are generally less familiar with Children of Hurin). Strangely enough, dads seem to get this treatment far less frequently (although fandom is frequently weird about parent characters of all genders).

There are also, of course, fans who do not want to acknowledge why Elwing killed herself--because that would mean admitting the Feanorians drove her to it. That but for the actions of Maedhros, Maglor, Amrod, and Amras, Elwing would not have committed suicide, and would have been there to raise her children as she had been doing.

Adding to this is the fact that we've been in the Feanorians' heads for most of the story, so I think people completely overlook how this situation looks from the perspective of Elwing and the Feanorians. Some others in this meta discussion compare Elwing's refusal to surrender the Silmaril to Frodo's refusal to give Sauron the Ring, and I think while the scale is obviously different, the feelings involved are the same. To Elwing, they are villains, and to surrender this powerful jewel to them would be playing into the villains' hands. We understand that their only real goal is obtaining the jewels--but Elwing does not have that perspective. To her, they're just violent killers and who knows what they might do with the jewel, or what they might do to her people after obtaining it? (And of course, as has been often repeated--she had no reason to think that giving it to them would make them spare Elrond and Elros.)

I think all we can do here is continue to put positive Elwing content into the world (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) I have seen people change their minds and come around on her, so it's possible, and our first opinions on a piece of media don't always end up being our lasting opinions.

[parragone]

And another short ramble because it's 2 am anx I cannot seem to sleep

This time about Mute and Lion and the tl:dr is that they're pretty good friends, actually

No but Mute genuinely and truly likes Lion and it comes down to one very key aspect; neither of them really had a chance

Lion was a smart kid, but never enough; if he got full marks, his parents asked why he hadn't picked up an extracurricular. If he performed exactly to expectation his parents asked why he didn't excel beyond that, as if excellence was the bar.

Mute's parents did the same thing for different reasons. Mute never had the chance to be a rebellious teenager; it comes out in his tattoos, in his music choices, in the sarcastic and jaded behavior he shows.

So when Mute off handedly griped about wishing he could've gotten drunk or high at a party when he was in college - like so many others did - Lion offers to give him a safe space to do so. It's on impulse and Montagne gives him the most bewildered look, but Lion explains it quickly; anyone else who has experience with severe intoxication only did so while either undercover or in the job. Everyone else had decently stable and safe childhoods. He may not like it, but if Mute needs a safe space to actually process a lot of what he missed, Lion's the best option because he's been in that mindset before.

More importantly, he knows how to curb that mindset. He knows how to recognize the language of a bad trip, and he himself knows how to regulate now that he's older and a little less stupid. As much as Doc, Monty, and Thatcher didn't like it, Harry agreed that Lion was the best possible option if Mute really wanted to have those experiences. Of course, the question of former addiction came up, but Lion stood firm; he knows his limits better than anyone else.

Which is how they ended up on the balcony of Hereford, with Lion kind of sober and Mute trying to figure out how people drink alcohol when it tastes fucking gross. Talking about childhoods and how they ended up where they are, how fucked it is that they ended up the way they did.

It's how they end up on that balcony again, this time both a little high and Mute wondering why people like feeling this way while Lion tries and fails to explain that there's more than one type of marijuana because he ends up laughing every time he says "twoijuana" on accident. It's how they end up talking about religion and Lion admitting that he sometimes wonders how many of those who follow the faith only do so out of fear of punishment, but also that hes rather fond of the idea that every star in the sky was hung there by someone that might be just as fucked up as he is. It's how Lion learns that Mute is Hindi, but not in the way that one might think; he believes there is, mathematically, one or more entities that we would consider deities, but that they likely can't even perceive us. It's how they agree that no matter what the truth is, the world is pretty cool if you learn to ignore the people in it.

It's how they end up there again, sober and chatting while Mute drinks tea and Lion downs a water bottle. Talking about family and how neither of them quite feel at home with their blood family but finally feel like they have something worth a damn in Rainbow, regardless of how dysfunctional it is. Discussing addiction and affection and the quiet worry that somewhere along the line the team is going to be pulled apart by powers far greater than them.

It's how they end up going to the balcony every Sunday after Lion's prayers, even long after Mute has worked out his impulses, to chat and catch up as friends. Talking about research opportunities and discussing each other's fields of study, acting as soundboards for each other. They end up encouraging each other to pursue the relationships they want.

There's a sort of healing on the balcony every Sunday. For Lion, it's seeing that he could actually change the course of someone else's impulsive self destruction and gain a friend in the process. For Mute, it's seeing that someone else really does get it, and gaining a friend somewhere in the middle of it.

[trolagygirl2022]

Hii I would like to join your future spouse game✨ I will use tarot cards and intuition. Hope you like it💗

So it seems like they perceive the world from a different perspective in comparison to others. They are very creative and might be into something like art, music or books. They have a great potential but I think that not everyone sees that. Your future spouse could be also a little mysterious around people they don’t know but the roles change once they are with their friends of family. People view them as graceful and trustworthy person. They could be also beautifull! I’m getting the vibes that other people fall in love with your future spouse just by looking at them or they dream to have someone like them/be them. They might be also from a wealthy family. I don’t think that many people are jealous of them, more like they want to get to know them well. Your future spouse will also be successful in life. They’re very responsible and have great control over themselves and their life. They are motivated to achieve their dreams and goals but they are also aware of the important things. Your future spouse is most of the time focused on themselves trying to work on their character or overcoming any difficulties. It also seems like they always have to do something like hobbies or job and maybe traveling. They could have an athletic body/go to the gym. Your future spouse takes/took school seriously and are very educated and smart. I feel like they often hide their interests because it’s their escape from other people if they want to relax or get away even if it’s for few hours. I remember the last time I did reading about your future spouse and honestly their vibe didn’t change but the only thing changed is that they calmed down like they aren’t as competitive as before and they are even more focused on themselves and their business only. Like they couldn’t care less about others (not in a bad way ofc haha) and they enjoy living like that. Your future spouse has other better things to do than care about people’s opinions and what they think of them. While doing this reading I got such dreamy/prince vibes‼️ They might have also a great style and listen to vinyls/classic music.

-MJ♌️🎀

9 of Swords rev, 2 of Pentacles rev, Queen of Cups, 10 of Swords, 9 of Wands.

So I see that your future spouse is a very very defensive person. I just see them locked up all to themselves and they don't like other people indicating their space. Awfully introverted and distant. They don't like getting close to other people because they have this fearful mentality. I see them having very negative experiences with other people. Experiences that have shaped them and negatively impacted them. I'm seeing some issues with their mental health as well. Perhaps they went through severe bullying but I'm seeing something that was physical or verbal. The 9 of Swords card makes me think that they have some sort of anxiety, their energy is very anxious. They're always on high alert with new people. It's like they have this strong intuition. I see them going through times that has made them very mentally unstable. Your person has gone through a lot :/ . They don't trust people and might even be a bit mean at times? They don't mean it but it's just their way of protecting themselves from others. They find themselves very lonely. They might try acting like it's alright and they don't care but they loathe it. I see them feeling very depressed due to it. The truth is, they do want someone in their life. It's just that they haven't met their person just yet. On a more positive note, this person is genuinely sweet, kind and caring. Once they let you into their life, you'll see how sweet and kind they are. They're pretty sensitive but seem to have this sharp intuition? Their energy is strongly coming off as feminine energy. I wouldn't be surprised if they grew up with a prominent female figure in their life. I'm picturing someone with water placements (all three but cancer seemed to have shown up the most here).

[please-picturemeintheweeds]

What I get from the situation with her exe boyfriend of 6 ish years is that nobody is at fault and trying to place blame on that guy slightly more because he's simply not Our Girl and we have always take her side is unfair as heck. We can live in a reality things fall apart and it's nobody and everybody's fault and nobody gets more blame for arbitary and mean reasons. I can live with that.

Yeah that’s a super fair point, and I want to lean into it. I don’t want to be putting blame on anybody for arbitrary and mean reasons. I am still truly just trying to absorb the 31 songs because there is just SO MUCH to digest, and I think you’re spot on: “things fall apart and it’s nobody and everybody’s fault”. And I want to validate that we don’t have to agree on how to approach this aspect of being a long time fan. This conversation is endlessly interesting to me, so I hope this response comes across as genuinely pondering your ask!

Both parts of this album (or is it two? How do we label them differently?) are really really really ambiguous about muses, which feels very intentional to me. I have a hard time balancing that with the part of me that cares a lot about Taylor as a person and the part of me that cares about pop culture as a social observation hobby (idk if that makes sense…). I feel pretty strongly that the ~gossip~ is inherently important. And I also truly grasp that the work does stand on its own as a monumental world building soundscaping fantastical creation from one of the great poets. The songs seem to be really rooted in the idea of archetypes and fables, so in that way it is silly to be inferring anything about her personal life from them. But then… some do feel very clear that she is telling the world The Truth About Something and like she truly wants to take the idea of diaristic public autopsy microscope to a conceptual place of psychological horror.

so I guess the question that comes up for me is how to cope with that tension on my blog? And I think the answer changes for me constantly. I might try and work out a good tag system that feels authentic, or flesh out my boundaries around what thoughts I post some more.

I do think that there are plenty of people in this world who are automatically, foundationally, taking Not-Taylor’s side, so idk if I mind speaking up on her behalf (or what I perceive to be her behalf… #BelieveWomen and all that) as long as everyone here knows not to contact anyone or cyber bully anyone, which is a completely different act than openly discussing stories she has chosen to tell us…

I just don’t think swifties existence somehow negates the patriarchy idk. I wish! That blonde British guy will be fine.