#I feel really good about it honestly
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how i feel about all the changes in s3
#listen i understand complaints and feeling disappointed but yāall gotta remember thereās always the og campaign#there were questionable choices definetly but being negative about it on the internet just does disservice to all the good stuff#it aināt perfect i miss the group kill but iām honestly blaming steamingās whole āevery season must be the same lengthā model#like this season really couldāve used an extra 3 episodes but alas! they made it as solid as possible for tv in that time!#tlovm#critical role#the legend of vox machina#tlovm season 3#also kiki resurrecting percy near and dear to my heart but also the vax percy bond and getting to see more of percyās torment mmmm#also the cr cast are clearly having fun with it so its not like some foreign entity is committing sacrilege when they change stuff!
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Had some good religion-adjacent realisations today when I went for a walk cause I was going crazy stuck in my room. I feel like itās easy for me to stay in my room because I get home so wiped from work, and I think of resting as being in bed and I also think of my silly little walk for my silly little mental health as being just getting outside, which I do on the way to work, rather than being for time away from needing to do stuff and being with nature and the like.
But I went to the pond near my house, itās like kind of nature-y but itās a nice ten minute walk Iāve done a bunch of times. The pond is pretty, I was really wigging out from sadness and loneliness from missing my partner and anger at my mum for messing me up so bad (I journalled the other day and had some realisations about attachment styles and why Iāve been struggling a lot in my relationship recently). I felt like I was feeling such overwhelming pain in my small body and soul.
But then I was able to self regulate really well, because I realised that I need to create a sense of self that is separate to my relationships with other people. I was so lonely for so long that now that I have so many fulfilling close relationships, I forget I have parts of me that only I know and only I need to nurture by spending my alone time doing something other than consuming media to avoid a thought occurring. I wrote down a list of things that make me feel Iām treating myself and doing something just for me, mostly going out for meals on my own or getting a fancy drink or making a cup of tea or reading a book. Basically mostly monetary things but things that I would do for someone I really liked, things that are extra care that show me I value myself. It was just refreshing in general to acknowledge that Iāve lost myself in other people a bit recently, and that ties back to the attachment style stuff.
Secondly, Iāve been massively freaked out about religion type stuff since my friend told me God is waiting for me after I started crying over how much I missed God and how much I missed praying to Them. (I donāt hold it against my friend, it was actually a super sweet thing of him to say and he meant it in the best way possible, it was just totally the wrong thing to say to me, unbeknownst to him.) It shook my whole āI donāt believe in God anymore because I canāt risk getting my heart broken againā thing, which was honestly more of a just ārepeat that whenever I think about it and avoid processing the trauma of losing my faithā. I felt so conflicted all over again, I would pray and love praying and go to church and love that too but then hate myself and be confused and be angry at God all over again.
Today I realised that I am tired of living in that loop. Yes, I could be religious and accept that my life will be defined by my struggle with God, or at least inextricably intertwined with it and it will take up most of my brain space. Or, and this is what I decided, I can heed the promise I made to myself when I was overwhelmed with the pain of losing my faith the first time, and I swore Iād never believe again because I knew I wouldnāt survive the pain a second time.
I could just let it go, accept the pain of missing God and missing religion but also know I can miss something and not want it back because I know itās not good for me. I need to just cut myself off from all the religious social media and my need to go to church even when itās hard to do that because itās so much healthier for me to live my life in accordance with my values of logic and evidenced based belief. Itās just so freeing and calm for the two parts of me to not be at war constantly. I know some of you will want to disagree with me and youāll say one can have faith without that, but I never could and believe me, I tried.
As soon as I admitted that, the deepest sense of calm passed over me and I realised that I can achieve the sense of peace I get at church by listening to my own Wise Mind, to use DBT terminology. I am the one who loves me no matter what, and I am the one who waits for myself to acknowledge I will always be here and I will always be on my own side. I donāt need God for that because I can self regulate on my own, and I can thereby avoid the horrible conflicts within my brain.
#anyway; this is a lot of words but itās good to get it on paper so to speak#I feel really good about it honestly#maybe Iāll miss god for the rest of my life but I would much rather that than suffer the feeling of my integrity being torn in two in a tug#of war constantly#and maybe the letting go will be lifelong as well; maybe itāll be a process#but Iād rather that too#weāll see what Iāll do with this blog#I feel like I will be back here missing God again soon enough but I am fucking tired of going back and forth and trying to believe and sort#it out in my head when I canāt#I just feel so free and calm and clearheaded when I donāt believe so Iām gonna hold onto that#God can go fuck himself if he has a problem with me at this point cause heās fucked it up too many times and itās beyond repair now#anne speaks
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My two cents on how much of Mind!Varric is Rookās mind trying to fill the blank space and how much is Solas actively talking through a convenient blood magic paper doll of the mind: I think it's a mix of both, a truly collaborative psychosocial horrorshow if you would, but waaaay more towards the second. It feels too directed and tactical at times to be anything else. Rook's mind is willing to go along with the denial phase as far as it can fucking carry them to not have to face the grief and regret and does its part in papering over details that donāt make any sense, the way brains will strive to create coherent meaning even out of deeply confusing input, but to my understanding it's a collaborateur in how that plays out, not the instigator or control center. Solas is using it as a path to agency and to gather insight into Rook as a person unguarded as he can't count on in his own guise. (That stoic option that leads to him being like 'oh I see you're cautiously denying me access to your inner life. well. at least you still have Varric to talk to. y'know as an outlet :)'. You absolute BITCH Solas! That alone convinced me that he HAS to have an active hand in it on some level.)
My guess is that it takes considerable effort on Solasā part to make Mind!Varric do anything more involved or complicated than seeming to sit up in bed and give casual commentary, and thatās why he keeps having eerie five minute shallow pep talks with you before he announces he conveniently needs a nap aaanyway good luck kid you got this haha. When heās just spouting NPC lines from his bedrest, Iām ready to believe that could be Rookās mind being allowed to improv lines for him more freely because itās less about Solas trying to get something out of them or working an angle and more āStill here! Still totally alive and fine and the mentor figure you know and love and trust :) donāt even worry about it! Thankfully there is no war in Ba Sing Sei, as we all knowā upkeep work lol. Rookās mind is allowed to set the tone of Varric, the outlines, but not always the content.Ā
AND, on a (beautifully fucked up) character psychology level, I feel like Solas is indulging in actually getting to be the good supportive mentor figure to Rook with one hand to assuage the guilt he feels about what he's done -- and what he's going to do -- to them with the other. Same internal logic as he uses in Trespasser about the Qun. āAlmost everyone is going to die from the course of action Iām doggedly pursuing eventually. But at least I can make their last years happier and freer and kinder than they would have been otherwise. and that kind of makes up for it right. a little bit. doesn't it. doesn't that make it better at least. I need that to make it better)'. Did I really take your beloved mentor and friend from you if you donāt know yet that I did? Some philosophers would argue not really! So itās probably almost ok actually. Isnāt it even a little noble that Iām taking all this grief and guilt on myself and shielding you for now. With undertones that Iām not sure he would realize himself (and might be mortified by if he did) that he is so incredibly lonely, and even a dishonest and indirect emotional connection is more than nothing when youāre that desperate. In this setup he gets idk. Both the control he craves so incredibly badly in relationships and over himself, and the scraps, the fading afterimages, of intimacy and warmth and companionship, even second hand. The one thing Solas and Rook agree on deep deep down is that they really wish Varric weren't gone. They're handshake memeing this in the saddest and most creepy way possible.
I think an important element too is that Solas needs Rook and their team to *succeed* āĀ up to a certain point. He needs someone to hold the two other elven mean girls off until he can get out of here. Ideally, in a perfect world, even do all the hard work of killing them so he can swoop in at the end and do his thing when both sides are exhausted and out of resources to stop him, and then Bobās your uncle! Same logic as he was using with Corypheus, and after that worked out so well, too! King of choosing to never learn from a single solitary mistake heās ever made even though i fully believe he could have the capacity to FenāHarel <3 The underlying idea isnāt flawed, you see, it was just unforeseen circumstances getting in the way. This time for sure itāll all work out the way I cleverly imagined it in my head beforehand. Cue By Talos this canāt be happening etc. in the form of a statue almost crushing him like a bug.Ā
So he's providing guidance and forging Rook into a leader from two angles: one Rook might not trust, and one they probably will. Shaping them into what he needs slowly and carefully. Heās helping you hone your team into their most effective state, as he might have done with his own agents back in the day, setting up his chess pieces even if he has to squint through two glimpsed realities to do it haha. Pincer maneuver of an insidious stealth mentor you never asked for. Alsoā¦ at one point mind Varric gives you a whole little monologue about how Solas' problem is that heās always seen his interpersonal connections as flaws and see where itās landed him, all alone and the worst part? it hasnāt even worked. itās all been for nothing heās back where he began with nothing to show for it but his mistakes. Like...that has such strong 'uh okay happy to play your therapist from two rooms away here what the fuck kind of traumadump is this' energy to me, Iām not sure Rook like. Thinks that much about Solas as a private person. So much of Solas' self-loathing and futile insights into his own flaws seem to shine through in Mind!Varric's dialogue all the time ā I just can't believe that there's no guiding hand behind it as it were.Ā
Most of all. I feel like people underestimate the degree to which Solas is incredibly funny. As in, he has a very consistent and recognizable sense of humour. Itās one of my very favourite things about him. We must remember ā it is crucial that we always keep in mind ā Orlesian accent and wig Solas from May The Dread Wolf Take You (my beloved, the explanation for why I love this dude even with the. All of the everything else. No one does it quite like him). He is not at all above doing things or adding little flourishes for his own obscure amusement, in fact that seems to me to be one of his most consistent traits. The Randy Dowager Quarterly comment Varric has? The āMaybe this is the Dread Wolfās revenge. Forcing us to house sit for himā thing? To Me this is 100% Solas amusing himself in his boring Fade jail surrounded by the screaming hellscape of all his regrets. Source: it came to me as divine revelation through pure vibes trust me broĀ
If nothing else I find it much more narratively interesting personally if the connection between Rook and Solas really is that defenselessly intimate and entwined (and so unbalanced!), and the sense of violation and invasion and betrayal afterwards consequently all the more nauseatingly intense. Even if you kept him at armās length in the open, heās been under your skin the whole time, looking around, gathering what he needs to destroy you, wearing the face of a friend. Regretfully, probably, but choosing to do it every step of the way anyway. (Sound familiar, Inquisitor? Solas doesnāt have that many tricks when you actually look at it, he keeps returning to old tried and true ones like a dog with a bone haha.) Maybe he even genuinely meant some of it as mercy, which only makes it so much worse. It makes his sin against his own core principles of autonomy and the freedom of all beings in mind, spirit and body so much more juicily grave if itās something he pursues actively and consistently, rather than it half-falling into his lap as a happy accident mainly orchestrated by Rookās own subconscious. Solas, too, is at his very lowest point, the closest to giving in and becoming his own antithesis fully that heās ever been, and it makes the choice of whether you still reach out your hand to him one last time or not all the more impactful and difficult.
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#dragon age meta#solas#varric tethras#rook#I love what weeekes has managed to do with solas in this game honestly. both kinder and harsher reads on him?#completely supported by the text and completely valid. it really does come down to how you feel individually at the end of it all#there are good arguments to be made in every direction. sing o muse about a complicated man.#and also a motherfucker (affectionate *and* derogatory)#forgiveness isn't about him it's about you ultimately. do you find it in yourself or are there things that shouldn't be forgiven? up to you#he deserves both compassion and to be slam dunked straight into hell often with equal intensity. and i think that's beautiful#face in my hands. it keeps happening to me. I black out and I've written a whole thing and feel like I've been through a meat grinder#clearly my brain needs to Process things very badly but god I wish I could maybe control a bit more when and how intensely it does it lol#obligatory disclaimer that this is only my personal opinion and read on the game and characters involved etc. YMMV
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I think a lot about Leo standing up for his brothers in the things that really matter to them.
Like- Leo is the one who immediately pushes Mikey and Donnie into finding Raph the second itās clear that their oldest brother is missing because he knows Raph canāt handle being separated like that.
Leo is the one who stands up for Mikey when Mikey wants to go on a solo mission, actively vouching for him and being the one to convince Raph into letting Mikey go, because being independent and proving himself just as capable of standing on his own two feet as everyone else means so much to Mikey.
And Leo defends Donnieās honor in particular when his brothersā intelligence is insulted because Leo is well aware of how important Donnieās smarts are to him - and how important having those smarts valued and acknowledged is as well.
All this goes right into just how well Leo knows his brothers. For as much as heāll tease or fight with them, he knows them, and he loves them.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#listen Leo loves his family SO MUCH#and like itās no accident that Leo is consistently the one to give pep talks that#very notably#are less āeveryone as a groupā and more āall of you individuallyā#itās heartening to see honestly and like#it works with how he is as both a person and as a fighter#he knows people he knows them so well he knows how they work what theyāre like#which is SO USEFUL for subterfuge AND portal/teleportation strategy#my guy is charming his charisma comes from his understanding of people at an individual level#when he wants to be he is very very good at that#heās still a teen who is too cocky for his own good at times but that does not negate his stellar other moments#he can be selfish he can be mean he can be rude but when push comes to shove he is so quick to stand up for his family#Mikeyās statement at the end of the movie about how Leo NEVER gave up on THEM is so important because itās not JUST about the movie!!#thatās Leo as a whole he will never give up on his bros#portal jacked is telling of this too because although it has a lot of comedic moments#never once does Leo stop looking for a way to get his bros back#theyāre everything to him#heās the face man heās a people person and heās the number 1 pet turtle which I will discuss the implications of in this essay-#Will also say that when Leo does these moments of standing up for his bros heās never expecting praise for it#heās just glad they find Raph he just smiles when Mikey tells him he loves him he never mentions defending Donnie#leo has a tendency to show off fancy glittery moves but his real actions and feelings are sooo much more lowkey#that you have to be actively looking for them to catch them all#and I really really like that about him itās so interesting HE is so interesting
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#selfie bee#me telling a coworker who I have been working with for 4 months and whose name I do not know about my toenails#i'm sorry Tobias (?? Paul ??) it was the only topic I could come up with after I already told you about the big bird I saw in 8th grade#FRIENDS how are you!! :) how has the new year been so far!!#did you have a lot of snow on christmas!#we did and it was really fun! I had a very bad cold so I just watched the snow from inside but that was good too c:#do you have any plans for the new year?#i always have lot and most of the time I do not do any of them but planning is fun#this year I REALLY want to watch all of Star Trek ć½(Ā“āļ½)ļ¾#I would also love to learn how to make a handstand#imagine if you could just make yourself upside down#but it is a far away dream because honestly I am not very good at being usual side up most of the time either#but I will try probably at least 2 times to learn it ( į )#maybe I'll finally finish that website!#new years are good and fun#it's wild to think about how much daily life has changed since last year but I feel just the same :)#who knows what this year will bring!#I hope I don't hit a pheasant with my car#I almost hit a pheasant with my car last year and the pheasant made direct eye contact#I wonder how he is doing today#since that moment I think about pheasants a lot#I knew they were real but I had never seen one#just to know they are out there is a mystical feeling#right know it is raining so all the pheasants might be wet#get dry soon pheasants!!#I don't think I've ever seen a wet bird either#I don't know what do do with all these birds thoughts#also thank you for the person who asked about my skirt!! ( ĖįµĖ )ā”.Ā°ā
#I've finished it and its really really bad#but I love it
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If I'm so happy How am I losing all this sleep?
#watch out im on my james blake hype again#honestly idk what im gonna do with myself when i see him at glastonbury and all im thinking about is these dumbos#im really ruminating on the fragile messes they both are at the start of s2 okay i feel possessed#good omens#gomens#good omens 2#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#aziraphale x crowley#crowley x aziraphale#crowley#aziraphale#my gifs#usersugar#tsusermels#userrlorelei#usereena#userlauren
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Wowie rly digging the yandere clone headcanonsā¦ how would each react if their darling tried to run away from them?!
You said tried so I assume this was a failed attempt!
Short answer: they get really upset and try making it your fault (shocker.) Ain't no way any of these mfs think they're the problem. Good news! you're mostly unharmed and alive.
This will just be purely writing bc i mostly had thoughts! sorry no drawing this time!!
[cw! mentions of potential harm to reader (no actual harm done), manipulation, toxic relationship dynamics (yandere flavor), obsessive behavior]
Sekido
You're always being hunted the moment the sun comes down and you don't return home in time. Reasons like that are exactly why he hates it when you part from him.Ā
This time is different.. he can't find you in your usual spots. There's no fucking way, right?
How could you.. No, how DARE you? Do you think that he's some joke? That his feelings for you are something that you can run away from like it's nothing?Ā
The second he's sure the sun won't harm him, he's already white knuckling his khakkhara, swinging at anything and everything in his path until he gets to you.
They know how to sense if you're near or not, hell, they probably know how your specific blood type smells like.Ā
Did you think cuddling up to you and memorizing every detail about you was for nothing? Don't be stupid. All he needs is a trace of you and he's gone in the blink of an eye.
You better enjoy running while you can because when he catches you, and he will, those legs of yours won't have much use after he's done with them.Ā
Sekido doesn't WANT to do this, but you honestly give him no choice. After he trusted you enough to stop looking over his shoulder, you do this? How can he ever put any faith in you again!?
On the bright(?) side, Sekido's rage wouldn't be solely on you, it'll ricochet onto everyone, especially the other clones and himself.Ā
They were supposed to be looking after you! But they can't do anything right, even a task as simple as this.Ā
And why did he think it was a good idea to trust them with something of big importance when all they do is fuck everything up!? Everyone's idiocy is rubbing off on him!
The entire time on his search for you, he's cursing and wanting to crush anything he can get his hands on, especially your bones.Ā
He doesn't even bother with speaking to the others, too busy spewing out all sorts of hurtful and frustrated comments about everything.Ā
The brutal thought that youād rather run away than be with him isn't one he wants to entertain, but it's echoing in his head.
At least, once the other clones get there, Karaku and Aizetsu brawl with Sekido so you're unharmed while Urogi carries you overhead.Ā
Sekido's jealousy flares up when he sees you in Urogi's arms, making him even more pissed if that's even possible. Great, now he looks like the bad guy and the other three, the saviors. Fucking perfect.
There's a lot of yelling and a lot of blood, especially with Urogi making things so much more annoyingly difficult in the air. Karaku and Aizetsu aren't helping. Why is Sekido suddenly the problem?! You ran away!!Ā
But when he calms down enough, he's cursing at everyone through clenched teeth. Sometimes trying to convince the others that you don't even need your legs anyway!!
Once you get back home (or temporary prison until you somehow regain favor), Sekido will eye your legs while gripping his staff from time to time.Ā
Exactly why he's forbidden to be in a room alone with you for a while until he settles down..
He glares at you more often and grows colder than before. Arguments are more common where he twists your words just to have you talk with him and be angry within reason.Ā
Any other type of conversation makes him so irrationally upset that the others need to step in so that he doesn't lose his temper again.
Karaku
The calmest out of the group. He brushes it off as āyou're playing hard to getā again, and if he makes a ruckus, you'll scamper back and beg him to stop like always!
Then it gets darker out.. and when Sekido left, he seemed pretty pissed. Like more than usual..... shit.
Karaku sprints after Sekido when it clicks that he's found you. His mind starts reeling, unsure whether he should laugh at the absurdity of your decisions or get pissed off because you didn't even bother to give a hint!Ā
Not like that would do anything aside from give you away but regardless!
Everyone needs to relax, this is obviously something they can sweep under the rug. This isn't that big of a deal and you're just having a fit, but things like these can get you hurt, y'know?Ā
They're fun and all, sure, just maybe give him a heads up next time, yeah? Sekido can't take a joke, you know this!!! Still.. There's a way Karaku can work with this.
He'll be able to swoop in, save you, be your hero, and remind you why staying with him is kinda important. Just in case you forgot~Ā
You don't wanna be out and about without his charming grin and protective hold would you? Don't answer that right now, he has a feeling you'll say something wrong!
Yet.. what if you need a firmer hand to remind you of what Karaku provides? What if you got a little too comfortable being protected so you thought you'd be alright leaving them? Man, who knew you could be spoiled!
Because of this, he would purposely fumble, letting Sekido get near you just so he can stop him at the perfect moment. He purposely gets hit too and makes sure some blood gets near you. To remind you how that could've been yours.
When Sekido calms down, Karaku laughs in your face and would pinch your cheeks if you weren't up in the air with Urogi on the way home.
You should've seen your face! It was really cute~! Maybe getting scared is your thing? He'll note that for later.
He offhandedly advises you not to do things like that all the time, fighting Sekido always kinda sucks, but it's not like you actually had a chance of successfully running away so he won't chastise you too much for it.Ā
That's not his job, and his heart hasnāt pumped that fast in a long time.. not even in a fight! You're so amazing~~
And delusional if you think he's not going to milk this āheroismā thing back there for some extra affection points with you.Ā
Don't be so mean. he got his head blown off twice and jaw dislocated thrice, not to mention everywhere else on his body. Don't you think those parts of him need some extra loving? more than usual?
There's not that much Karaku can say after that aside from reminiscing like it was a funny story. He's not upset about it, mostly a little miffed you got kinda far without him noticing, but he gets over it.Ā
The usual routine starts back up for him when you're back home. It's like nothing happened, but he keeps a closer eye on you since everyone's so tense.
Urogi
If you're not home before the sun sets, Urogi's clawing at the walls with stress. He usually accompanies Sekido to go find you, but this time is different. Urogi could just barely tell you were around.. When Sekido bolts, Urogi's flying as fast as he can, trying to find you first.Ā
You're so far.. you must've gotten kidnapped!!!!!
The stress from before burns into anger, expecting to see someone having their hands on you while you're calling out in vain. How could he let this happen?! Damn sun!Ā
He darts through the skies even faster imagining it, and when he finally reaches you, you look.. fine? and alone. and looking at him like he's the danger. He's here to save you, dummy..
Urogi falls to his knees, burying his face against your stomach and finally wrapping his arms around you again. Your fists violently hit his head and yank fistfuls of hair back, but it doesn't phase him.Ā
Your comforting warmth is back, that's all that matters. And god, your smell.. it's almost making him dizzy. He missed you so much.
There's many holes to the story in Urogi's head as to why you're so far from home, but he fills them in with more convoluted delusions. It's just a peaceful reunion right now..Ā
That is until Sekido finally arrives and starts swinging his khakkhara way too close to your fragile bones.Ā
Now he's back in defense mode where he scoops you up and tries flying out of reach. This is so stressful!!! There's lightning everywhere and he keeps having to dodge the multiple staffs thrown his way.Ā
He shields you with his wings as best he can while trying to stay in the air, so you don't get hurt during Sekido's outburst.
In the skies, it's much clearer to see the hurt behind the haunting glow of Urogi's eyes. Did you care about how he might feel? Did you miss him at all? Did you not feel loved enough? Did someone say something to you?Ā
As he maneuvers the sky, he holds you as tightly as possible, lightly digging his talons into your skin.
Being without you for a couple hours is agonizing enough on its own. If you HAD left him, abandoned, cold, alone.. he doesn't want to think about it. All that matters is that your kidnappers or liars or whatever influenced you are gone, and you're back safe with them!!!Ā
You.. you still like him, right? Of course you do, fate wouldn't force your paths together if it wasn't for a reason!
Coming back home is uncomfortably tense, especially with how violently Aizetsu kicked Urogi across the room, nearly through the wall, when he tried to lick your wounds clean. It really hurt!Ā
When you're patched up, Urogi is ten times as clingy if that's possible. He has his arms looped around you constantly so you can't stray too far, and if his hands are busy, he always has his wings!
As happy as he is that you're back, he can't help but cry into your chest sometimes. Everything is so tense nowadays, he hates it! How could you go and do something like that? Apologize immediately! Or at least hold him too? Doubt creeps in a lot, and your attitude isn't helping..Ā
His mood swings are stronger. From sobbing uncontrollably into your clothes to being all smiles and radiating with joy the next just because you said something vaguely decent.
Aizetsu
The demotivation started to creep in the second you left. During the day, Aizetsu sits by the door, wanting to be the first one you properly greet. Sekido and Urogi usually bring you back and he'll be the one in your good graces without lifting a finger. That sounds nice..Ā
But as the footsteps fade and the silence lingers, Aizetsu feels miserable the longer he waits... Hold on, silence?
Before he realizes what's happening, he's already dashing to where the familiar commotion is coming from. Dread sets in as his legs take him as fast as they can whilst being the slowest of the four. This doesn't feel like they're rushing over to you after a long day, it feels.. dangerous?
What did you get yourself into..? Why do you insist on going to places Aizetsu can't follow? Are you safe? He hates not knowing.
Usually you're the one who's fine. You deal with four demons almost daily! Please please please be okay. He can't fathom it if you were hurt.Ā
When he gets there, the puzzle pieces fall into place and Aizetsu gets even more depressed, but at least you're not hurt. Well, not if he interferes. His movements are sluggish, a perpetual frown plastered on his face as he tries holding Sekido down.Ā
Aizetsu wants to dissolve into the floor, and he does sometimes. Not wanting to fight Sekido off anymore, he slumps over.Ā
This could've been a regular day where you came home.. Are you serious? Leaving? How pitiful could you be to actually think you could get away? Or was it that you wanted to play some sick joke on them? Well, it's not very funny... It's terrible actually.
Aizetsu stays silent on the way home, walking with a bit more energy knowing you're near despite his heart ache.
You can feel the harrowing disappointment radiating off of him the moment you all go back home.
He's tired, annoyed, and so unbelievably upset. Aizetsu grimaced when Urogi got near your scratches with his tongue, so he āpolitelyā ushered him away.Ā
Knowing a human's weak points is good in battle, but he started trying to learn how to heal them, specifically because he knew these types of things might happen.
As he cleans your scratches, he's actively scolding you for leaving in a cold emotionless tone. And by scolding, he's using manipulative language, trying to make you guilty for everything you did.Ā
He barely has the energy to live, but now that he finally found his light in the darkness, you want to leave? Is it so wrong he wants to hold onto what makes him even a smidgen happier than usual? He reminds you that he'll wither away without you, but he's not really too keen on dying just yet.
When he tries to get back into a routine, he just can't. He knows why you left, but he doesn't want to hear it. Even if you're sweet to him or not, he'll hold you from behind when you rest.
Looking at you is too much, but being away from you is even worse. Aizetsu compromises this way, but gets quieter, occasionally sniffling when he hides his face behind you.
There's too much going on and he's so tired.. If it weren't for the others, he probably would've held you so tight for so long so that you both would perish together.
Maybe thatās why he's only allowed to hold you when you're asleep. Just please don't do that again.. He NEEDS you. Please, please, please.
Safe to say you gave them a scare. When they double down on the protectiveness, living is ten times more difficult for EVERYBODY. when you lose their trust, it's pretty difficult to gain it back, but not impossible!!
Sekido and Urogi will always assume the worst if you're gone for too long while Karaku and Aizetsu give you a little more freedom until the others drag them along into their worries.
#null rot#yandere demon slayer#yandere kny#yandere kimetsu no yaiba#Sekido#Karaku#Urogi#Aizetsu#cloaked cult member#not art#null brainwash#null gospel#IM NOT A WRITER!!!! JUST A REMINDER!!!!!!!!! JST A RAMBLER!!!!!!!!!!!!#i really couldn't think of anything drawing wise to go along with this.... but I really wanted to write for it even if I'm a bit amateur#Am I even doing this bullet thing right?? I'm not good at cohesive thoughts. but I try!! I hope I did this right..??#Also. Sekido honestly doesn't want to hurt you or even put his hands on you. he's just really scared you might something will happen to you#how the fuck is he going to live with himself if you somehow get eaten by another demon? or worse. used as bait from either demon or slayer#now that upper moon fucking four has a soft spot. its really selfish of you to run away..#don't you see how that can ruin everyone's lives including your own!? (manipulative)#why he gets more upset with any other type of convo at the end is bc it reminds him of how things were before. they were good.#but you had to ruin it didn't you? (manipulative Ć2) and for sure for sure. if he holds your hand you're getting a bruise.#Karaku is hella chill bc he's wayyy too cocky that he can find you again. the little arrogance he has rearing its head again.#Hes not stupid. he knows you want to escape. but that means he has to whittle you down a little more. get you used to this. to them. to him#You can't escape. he won't let you. He belongs with you. so just try and get comfortable. yeah?#Urogi.. going through it. Hes like your ankle monitor. very fragile minded with his mood swings but extremely stubborn about letting you go#Hit him. pull at his hair. push him away. spit at him. hes sad for a while but bounces back. he always does! and he knows you will too!!#He just needs to wait.. even if it hurts his feelings sometimes. but never for long because you'll be back to loving him like before!#Aizetsu's stuck in a loop of angry -> sad until he ends up quietly crying because hes depressed you dont like them. eveything is pitiful.#he cant even move on bc youre his light. nothing will change that. even if you hurt him. all he can beg of you is to be kind to him. adjust#hes not the monsters you think he is. he can be sweet kind gentle. whatever you want.. just please.
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S2 arcane spoilers!!
Anyone else notice how dim viktors eyes look in the new season like
And it's like this for nearly every other shot
Compared to his eyes in s1
And he's rlly out of character too
And sure that could be the trauma of EVERYTHING that's happened
But I feel like it's more than that
The hexcore is controlling him obviously so maybe we'll see him try to fight against it??
I really hope he does bc I don't think the whole magic arcane Jesus thing is really working for me tbh
OR if he doesn't manage to get free of the hexcore maybe he decides to lean into it by baking himself even more robotic buy powered by hextech or whatever the new equivalent would be
I've also been thinking maybe he'll start upsetting the chem barrens?? But it seems kinda unlikely
#he needs more screen time also#theres like 5 things all happening at once and viktor has something to do with at least 2 if them#abd hes only in like 1 episode with only like 15mins of screen time#and whats going on with the singed stuff???#like ik its warwick but how tf are they going to fit all of this in to 9 episodes with the first 3 basicly being set up??????#arcane#arcane lol#arcane league of legends#viktor arcane#arcane season 2#arcane viktor#arcane theory#arcane thoughts#arcane spoilers#arcane s2 spoilers#jesus viktor#apparently#honestly i dont mind the sky and viktor stuff#like i feel like we all knew jayvik wasnt going to be cannon WITH caitvi#unfortunately series's are just Like That#especially netflix#jayvik#still really want to see the glorious evolution dont want it to be bame droped tho#jayce arcane#the pony gave me faith tbh#hope they dont depict viktor as a perfect one to one with jesus cus that makes anyone who opposes him 'evil'#and arcane was always really good at making rlly complex characters#we didnt have to think about good and evil yk#hope viktor gets more content bc of thus though
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Closeness
I finally drew theeeeeeem! Them!!!!! Them like Loop and them like Siffrin and Loop-
It's Changeling Loop from To Cut You Open With a Knife and Find Your Sacred Heart by @hexea / @sifloop
Oh, and there's other stuff but less refined. But this is where it all started.
#love love love your work and always wanted to draw them but#I struggled immensely to put loop on paper#it went for months (from freaking june help) and finally i've made progress and i feel like showing this to you#have fun!#(i sure did)#in stars and time#isat#isat siffrin#isat loop#isat au#changeling loop au#sifloop#sloop#isat sifloop#isat sloop#honestly such a good work made me insane /pos#and i really think it defined a lot about what I like in sifloop#heh...#fifty art
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i think gamers dismissed the notion of keeping score in non-arcadey titles too easily i think. some games are a lot funner if you try to play them with score in mind
#like how do you get a high score in the classic sonic games?#get a lot of rings. keep them to the end of the level. and beat it fast as fuck for a good time bonus#that's a fun way to play the game!!!!#honestly the special stages in sonic 1 feel like they play into encouraging that too#keep enough rings and you get to play a little bonus stage at the end of the level. to get a little doodad#that only really serves to increase your score#and also give you a nicer ending cutscene#sonic 2 giving you an opportunity to play the bonus stages at every checkpoint is nice in theory#gives you more chances to do it per level#still rewards you for keeping your rings#but then after you leave the special stage all your rings are gone D:#and also it's much more of a pace breaker to do it in the middle of a level rather than inbetween...#still i understand it in theory#then sonic 3 made it so you don't *have* to keep your rings. you just have to find a giant ring#which makes sense for that game's more exploration focused level design and play style#y'know since it introduced knuckles and everything#lot to think about game design-wise :>
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Personal headcanon about the "you picked the wrong dellamorte" line, I don't think illario actually likes rook outside the context of them being someone close to lucanis. Like rook on their own isn't much to him, but when they meet it's yet another person talking about his cousin (why isn't he good enough for whatever job they're hiring for?) and on top of that they somehow bring him back from the dead (another whole can of worms for illario). Now he starts turning on the charm, but whether he's actually interested or this is just one more thing his cousin has that he doesn't and it gets under his skin, who knows. Either way, rook ignores illario, the guy who lives off his charm, and is instead interested in the guy who's never even dated before and thinks giving someone a knife is how to flirt. Infuriating
NO THANK YOU !! i am genuinely sorry if i have ever implied illario is into rook like i see some takes about it and unless it like ties into your rook's personal backstory i don't seriously think he's romantically jealous. at all. my enjoyment of that line stems from illario's pathological need to make it about himself and not see his strengths but what lucanis has, and therefore what he doesn't. he's annoyed enough to try and goad you in the middle of a fight about the 'wrong' dellamorte and completely blind to the fact that the venatori are at best, a stupid fucking alliance, and at worst, a cult that will devour the crows from the inside out and illario would have been the one to give them the keys. he sees lucanis make allies, needs his own, and instead of charming the other talons/houses as he should, he (probably spitefully) picks the venatori. or maybe he just thought it would be easier. ugh he makes me want to telekenetically throw him around
#and you raise a very hilarious point too LMFAO#not that he is jealous. just mad as hell its not working <3 I LIKE HIM VERY MUCH AND A NORMAL AMOUNT#to be clear i think his characterisation changed dramatically from wigmaker's job and a lot of his uh#very rash decisions about achieving power feels like they just needed a traitor character for lucanis#to really max out the use of spite. i really wish honestly that there was some canon support for illario#who would probably be a little more liked/popular than lucanis. bc lucanis is respected by the crows#but he's also a very distant 'dellamorte heir' figure. respect is not the same as being liked. so you know#there's the serious assassin with a rep for how good he is at killing#and there's a friendlier assassin with a rep for sweet talking#and neither of those reputations are necessarily true. but i know which one i'd be less afraid of#and i think illario would know that. and be able to use that. BUT WE DONT GET IT. WHATEVER.....#illario dellamorte#veilguard spoilers#answered#also we're introduced to an illario that understands being a crow. and has had all that drilled into him since childhood#why. would he. ally with the venatori.#why would he put himself into a situation that he couldnt control. other than 'the story needs a villain'#what im trying to say. is . there were the makings of a crow civil war here that ends with him tragically dead#if you asked me to expand on this i dont think i could. but like the main issue being the crows not standing together making#the antaam invasion worse (btw regarding this why the fuck were the antaam even invading) so lucanis' quest is#idk. something like uniting the crows together and potentially repairing his relationship w illario#or hardening him and convincing he needs to kill illario#this is me spitballing. dont even mind me#(glances at the 'illario mention' alarm going off in the background)#EDIT: AND ALSO IT JUST CAME TO ME#killing illario as an ending also makes lucanis first talon (oh we're really in the cycles now)#forgiving illario ends with illario becoming 'talon' tho he and lucanis work closely. like a ceo vs cfo#and ends with them repairing their relationship#in the ideal world lucanis would fully leave but im alright with crows making small steps towards becoming a bit healthier
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fashion designer & her freelance programmer gf
#dela ostrow#mia hayes#ts4 maxis premades#ts4 townie makeover#ts4#ts4 cas#ts4 edit#ts4 portrait#the sims 4#i have no idea how to dress sims that are supposed to have good fashion sense#i feel like half of my sims look like they're toddlers who just started dressing themselves#anyway! gonna try to finish those maxis makeovers i started...checks calendar...just over a year ago#honestly might end up redoing all of them since i lost all of the old ones anyway (ā¬ā¬ļ¹ā¬ā¬)#also listen i really need u guys to ignore me fiddling with my reshade preset constantly ok#somethings still just not right about it but idk what so if it looks completely different in the next post SHUT IT
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Sweet Dreams <3
#my art#pokemon#galarian ponyta#digital art#hiiii everyone hello please look at my darling angel Amalthea. shes my partner pokemon in pokednd <3#most of our pokemon went missing so Mia (my character) took our remaining pokemon to get their pictures taken in case they go missing#i did in fact draw all three of them. am going to work on doing digital versions of the other two#its all of our partner pokemons :3 ponyta. impidimp. and mankey <3#the sketches i did for the other two are so fun i cant wait to draw them#impidimp's made my cousins all laugh so hard they almost cried#this session was so fun and we also talked afterwards about pokemon we may want on our teams in the future#and honestly my potential line up for Mia feels so good#her next pokemon she gets is very possibly going to be a bewear. absolutely out of left field choice but it works so beautifully#im also thinking good options for her would be breloom. grumpig. wyrdeer. maybe mimikyu.#grumpig and breloom are honestly the top of the list. they suit her so beautifully#wyrdeer is also really good. mimikyu would be up to roleplay#mimikyu and bewear would both play into her animal handling skill#mimikyu would also end up disguised as a sylveon#probably play that as mimikyu wanting to fit in with Mia's team since she's really nice to it and it wants her to be its trainer#bewear on the other hand would 1. work well aesthetically for her and 2. would be fantastic roleplay material what with it being a giant#aggro bear and mia is just this gentle giant who is so fucking good with pokemon so its like well.#the nice girl wants me to be nice so i wont kill you because i like her. she gives me snacks and pets me and treats me well
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Complex feelings about copyright and Disney's appalling ethics aside, it does unsettle me how quickly people jump to make and monetize the most unnerving, depraved content imaginable about characters created for children the second it hits the public domain
#lilac rambles#lilac goes to the movies#look you don't have to defend yourselves to me i don't really care what you do#so please don't flood my inbox with all this stuff about why disney sucks and why gross stuff is good actually#im not here to fight#i get it. they suck and this feels vindicating#i just get unnerved watching people do terrible things to things created for children the second they can#maybe it's bc i don't see anyone making anything...idk...nice? and like...not freaky?#like it really feels like 'haha we're going to defile this creation bc it makes us feel good to destroy something created for families'#bc if it had just been the case with mickey id get it yknow#but people did this with sweet old pooh bear too#but maybe that's bc he's now a disney property idk#like maybe as other famous characters come into the public domain people won't do the same things#and honestly that will make me feel a lot better
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One of the earliest examples of Leoās āIāll do my own thing to accomplish our goal without discussing it with my team firstā is in episode one. Itās super, super quick, and ultimately inconsequential, but it subtly sets up a great precedent that I think is very interesting.
When the boys need to grab the medallion from Splinter without Splinter noticing, Raph, Mikey, and Donnie huddle together with Raph taking the lead in trying to devise a plan to get the mystic device. Meanwhile, Leo slinks away and grabs the device by clocking the situation (by knowing his father well enough to predict his actions - something he does with each family member multiple times in the series) and making a move on his own.
It works out perfectly fine, and is ultimately the best move, and itās honestly okay that he didnāt consult everyone for something so small when itās such a non issue to get it, but it nicely sets up how this tends to go in the series, including how it goes in the movie.
To be honest episode one is actually really good at setting up a lot of things for each character in the long run, this is just one example that caught my attention, as small and unassuming as it is.
#rottmnt#rottmnt leo#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#im just ranting at this point feel free to ignore me Iām tired lol#anyway#Leo constantly just goes off and does his own thing#and yeah honestly his own thing often works??? but he alienates his brothers/team in the process#BUT also this isnāt necessarily a one way street#when Leo DOES try to consult his brothers or give his thoughts on matters heās not really taken seriously#best example here is bug busters where he CONSTANTLY makes his worries and suspicions known only to have them ignored#so itās almost understandable that he doesnāt often open up about his thought process when itās easier to just do it#than to try and fail to justify it#after all it almost always works out for him when he does so why not?#and then the movie happens#and that line of thinking doesnāt quite hold up does it?#BUT ON ANOTHER NOTE#like I said episode one is super good at setting characters up#from showing off Donnieās preference for tech vs magic/mystic#from showing Mikeyās innate talent for mysticism#from showing Raphās anxieties and how easily they can stack up#thereās more but Iād have to do a closer deep dive on the ep and man am I tired#so off the head rambles it is for now#sorry everyone for my constant spam of Too Many Words into things that are prob Not That Deep#itās honestly just fun haha#EDIT: bc I saw someone mention it! yeah all the boys have communication issues through the series and itās super interesting and realistic#Leo in particular stands out to me here because his communication issues are a constant theme that pop up much more often#but each of them experiences this in some form
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Bungou Stray Dogs: Dead Apple and how āability usersā (opposite to ānormal peopleā) learning to accept themselves through the acceptance of their own abilities is a queer metaphor of acceptance of own's sexual orientation and gender: an essay by me
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#About: Dead Apple. Watched this a while ago with a friend and it was a lot of fun!!!#If you're reading this: thank you so much for hanging out with me I had such a good time (ć
Ā“ Ė )ā”#Next to general considerations: wow they were right that Bungou Stray Dogs movie sure can Bungou Stray Dogs#It's always nice to see the detailed animation and elaborate backgrounds of movies. The animation quality compared to the manga isā#definitely noticeable and it's nice to see. That said... I still like the season 2 art style more? And I'm speaking strictly of art style.#The s2 one looks more soft and smooth while the da one is so much more rough.#The plot is... Very bsd-esque I don't think there's anything to add.#In my opinion Kyouka's arc is the one that turned out best tbh. I really like her narrative development and personal growth in this movie.#I like the complexity of her state of mind. how full of contradiction she is. I especially appreciate the recurring small changes ofā#expression that indicate how she thinks differently from Atsushi even if she doesn't voice them. The fight between her cynicism and herā#kind nature. It's all very interesting.#Atsushi's development is interesting too. Although all the open questions about his ability we still have kind of leave me frustrated#I don't feel very strongly about Akutagawa in this movie? I meanā he's there. The ss/kk scenes are always great and in character and a joyā#to witness no matter what they do. He just doesn't shine particularly? Or at least personally I dont find the āproving my strength againstā#myselfā narrative arc to be particularly interesting. Imo it was a lot better flashed out in the da stage play! With the complexity thatā#the dialogues with Chuuya added to the character. Dazai attacking him. And especially Aktgw understanding that Rashomon wasn't testing Aktg#but rather only expressing that unstoppable rage that is also Aktgw's own. About that I checked out the play and I really liked it!!#I only watched highlights (aka: ss/kk and chuu/aku scenes) but there's some stuff I really like. I like the conflict between Aktgw andā#Chuuya and how Chuuya messes up with Aktgw at first maliciously and then amiably. It's interesting how Atsushi himself observes that Kyouka#and Akutagawa get along. And especially the sskk almost-handholding and Atsushi saying Akutagawa has a nice profile were cute akjdhbsawhjb#Next. Da really is shipping paradise (ā„ļ¹ā„) Sorry but... It is. oda/zai. daz/atsu. ss/kk. s/kk. fuku/mori. chuu/aku. It really has everythin#and the moments are so good!!!! What else. Wish we'd see more of Tsujimura. And Christie. And women in general tbh.#Alsoāāāāā Atsushi's tiger form in this movie is ATROCIOUS. I've said it before but it's crazy how a franchises that relies so heavily onā#fanservice came up with something this hideous. Man the movie overall was pretty but Atsushi sure wasn't. Firmly stand by the beliefā#that only Akutagawa would find that form attractive.#Oh last note. honestly if we're ready to accept a movie where an antidote has effect AFTER the person has effectively died then we reallyā#can't complain about any kind of insanity the manga brings up#random rambles
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