#I just feel so free and calm and clearheaded when I don’t believe so I’m gonna hold onto that

[hallelujahonmytongue]

Had some good religion-adjacent realisations today when I went for a walk cause I was going crazy stuck in my room. I feel like it’s easy for me to stay in my room because I get home so wiped from work, and I think of resting as being in bed and I also think of my silly little walk for my silly little mental health as being just getting outside, which I do on the way to work, rather than being for time away from needing to do stuff and being with nature and the like.

But I went to the pond near my house, it’s like kind of nature-y but it’s a nice ten minute walk I’ve done a bunch of times. The pond is pretty, I was really wigging out from sadness and loneliness from missing my partner and anger at my mum for messing me up so bad (I journalled the other day and had some realisations about attachment styles and why I’ve been struggling a lot in my relationship recently). I felt like I was feeling such overwhelming pain in my small body and soul.

But then I was able to self regulate really well, because I realised that I need to create a sense of self that is separate to my relationships with other people. I was so lonely for so long that now that I have so many fulfilling close relationships, I forget I have parts of me that only I know and only I need to nurture by spending my alone time doing something other than consuming media to avoid a thought occurring. I wrote down a list of things that make me feel I’m treating myself and doing something just for me, mostly going out for meals on my own or getting a fancy drink or making a cup of tea or reading a book. Basically mostly monetary things but things that I would do for someone I really liked, things that are extra care that show me I value myself. It was just refreshing in general to acknowledge that I’ve lost myself in other people a bit recently, and that ties back to the attachment style stuff.

Secondly, I’ve been massively freaked out about religion type stuff since my friend told me God is waiting for me after I started crying over how much I missed God and how much I missed praying to Them. (I don’t hold it against my friend, it was actually a super sweet thing of him to say and he meant it in the best way possible, it was just totally the wrong thing to say to me, unbeknownst to him.) It shook my whole “I don’t believe in God anymore because I can’t risk getting my heart broken again” thing, which was honestly more of a just “repeat that whenever I think about it and avoid processing the trauma of losing my faith”. I felt so conflicted all over again, I would pray and love praying and go to church and love that too but then hate myself and be confused and be angry at God all over again.

Today I realised that I am tired of living in that loop. Yes, I could be religious and accept that my life will be defined by my struggle with God, or at least inextricably intertwined with it and it will take up most of my brain space. Or, and this is what I decided, I can heed the promise I made to myself when I was overwhelmed with the pain of losing my faith the first time, and I swore I’d never believe again because I knew I wouldn’t survive the pain a second time.

I could just let it go, accept the pain of missing God and missing religion but also know I can miss something and not want it back because I know it’s not good for me. I need to just cut myself off from all the religious social media and my need to go to church even when it’s hard to do that because it’s so much healthier for me to live my life in accordance with my values of logic and evidenced based belief. It’s just so freeing and calm for the two parts of me to not be at war constantly. I know some of you will want to disagree with me and you’ll say one can have faith without that, but I never could and believe me, I tried.

As soon as I admitted that, the deepest sense of calm passed over me and I realised that I can achieve the sense of peace I get at church by listening to my own Wise Mind, to use DBT terminology. I am the one who loves me no matter what, and I am the one who waits for myself to acknowledge I will always be here and I will always be on my own side. I don’t need God for that because I can self regulate on my own, and I can thereby avoid the horrible conflicts within my brain.

[heroacademiaimagines]

Horror Movie AU

(Didn’t do all the characters, if you’d like to see my thoughts on someone I didn’t do, feel free to send in an ask! I’m going to list a very general description of each horror archetype and then under the cut will be the rest of the post!)

The Horror Archetypes

The Jock: Cocky, pompous tough guy. Believes he can accomplish and dominate anything in his path. Takes the lead, but will often be the first put in danger. “All women want him, all men envy him.”

The Cheerleader: Secretly envied, beautiful, and popular. Often air-headed. Not prude, lives fast, and tends to do things for attention. Normally on the arm of the Jock character type, or quickly sides with them for protection. 

The Nerd: Smart, voice of reason, very aware of surroundings and when things don’t feel right. No one ever believes them. May make rash decisions when danger comes (sometimes selfish), leads to vulnerability of being killed. Comic relief. 

The Nice Guy: Honest, good-natured, relatable person. Often has a good relationship with the Final Girl, a crush most likely. Attractive, very caring, looks out for the Final Girls best interest. Most likely to get killed. 

Final Girl: Almost always a virgin. Shy, reserved, innocent. Clearheaded most of the time, makes all the right decisions when things go wrong and knows how to defend herself. The Ultimate Survivor. Strongest of them all. 

The Crazy Old Man: Spouts cryptic nonsense that doesn’t get taken seriously. There to spur on the story, to worry the teenagers. Never believed because they never speak straight-forwardly. 

Aizawa Shouta: The Crazy Old Man. He knows the run of the land better than anyone, and of all the evil lurking in it. He gives cryptic clues to potential catastrophic events. He never gets taken seriously, as he just seems to be harassing those he talks to. He’ll survive unless he grows worried and checks on the ones who didn’t heed his warnings.  Likelihood to die: 10% Genre: Slasher, Monster, Urban Legend, Haunted House

Ashido Mina: The Cheerleader. Mina is absolutely gorgeous, loud, and ready to party all night! She’s full of energy and friendliness. The more dangerous and spooky the adventure the better, in her opinion. She ignores clear signs of danger to not dull the mood, and is generally the first to vanish/die.  Likelihood to die: 90% Genre: Slasher, Urban Legend, Psychological

Asui Tsuyu: The Final Girl. She’s a very soft-hearted, innocent girl who’s also incredibly smart; she’s just looking to have a fun time with her friends. She has a difficult time when the action starts because it’s hard to rationalize what’s happening around her, and she suffers the most from watching her friends perish. She’s permanently scarred, and is never the same after.  Likelihood to die: 30% Genre: Slasher, Possession, Revenge

Bakugou Katsuki: The Jock. A bit unlikable, and an absolute tough guy who will fight anyone who opposes his decisions. He’s the first to jump into action when something foes wrong, though he doesn’t tend to do it out of the goodness of his heart. Most of the time he’s got something to prove to the world, and will die trying.  Likelihood to die: 80% Genre: Monster, Slasher, Possession, Zombie, Psychological, Revenge

Iida Tenya: The Nerd. He’s a bit uptight, and knows from the start things will go wrong, but he can’t abandon his friends. He feels they’ll have a better chance with him being around, even if it costs his life. He’s most likely pushed into the leader role. He tries to keep everyone calm but is likely to die making a rash decision to save the group. Likelihood to die: 75% Genre: Paranormal, Urban Legend, Haunted House

Jirou Kyouka: The Final Girl. She doesn’t even want to be involved in the festivities, but goes along when her friend begs her to keep them company. She just wants to be left alone for the duration of it, but when things go downhill, she’s the one shouting ‘I told you so!’. She’s the one who runs around and solves the problems even when she’s absolutely terrified.  Likelihood to die: 30% Genre: Haunted House, Slasher, Monster

Kaminari Denki: The Jock/The Nice Guy. He’s a good-natured dude just looking to have some fun. He likes to chat with a few people in particular who he keeps closest to him when danger strikes. He wants to keep those few people he loves safe, and wouldn’t think twice about jumping in the way to save them.  Likelihood to die: 75% Genre: Slasher, Monster, Urban Legend

Kirishima Eijirou: The Jock. He’s a much friendlier version of the Jocks that are normally seen, but still has a very manly way about him, and is a total tough guy. He likes to flirt and is good-natured; he often tries to calm the Nerd down and get them to enjoy themselves. He gets in on the action and gets hurting trying to save the Nerd/The Final Girl.  Likelihood to die: 60% Genre: Urban Legend, Slasher, Zombie

Midoriya Izuku: The Nerd/The Nice Guy. Midoriya would be one of the only voice of reasons among the group, constantly uneasy because he knows there’s something off. He’s worried for his friends and tries to stop them from doing dangerous things, keeping an eye out for when things go wrong. Likely to die protecting his Final Girl.  Likelihood to die: 80 % Genre: Slasher, Alien, Monster

Mineta Minoru: The Nice Guy. He only goes on the trip to flirt, barely has any real friends besides the Nerd. He doesn’t care about potential danger in the least. He’s the first to be targeted because he’s often alone pining for the Final Girl, and dies soon because he thinks being a hero will impress the girls.  Likelihood to die: 100% Genre: Slasher, Monster

Todoroki Shouto: The Jock/The Nerd. He knows how to take the lead in situations, and acts very tough, but uses his mind mostly. He’s not afraid of and doesn’t take shit from the Jocks. He’s smart and observant, though he keeps his worries to himself until someone else speaks up about it. He acts after thinking, and might die by sacrificing himself from the group.  Likelihood to die: 65% Genre: Psychological, Paranormal, Slasher, Zombie

Tokoyami Fumikage: The Crazy Old Man/The Nice Guy. He’s a bit of an odd ball, but accepted among the group because he’s harmless, and provides them with some comic relief. He seems to speak in riddles, so no one really understands him. The things he says tend to worry the Nerds, and annoy the Jocks/Cheerleaders, but he’s always right, and prepared.  Likelihood to die: 50% Genre: Slasher, Urban Legend, Psychological, Monster, Haunted House, Possession

Uraraka Ochako: The Final Girl. She’s a sweet loving girl who’s looking forward to spending time with her friends together, even if she is apprehensive of the activity they’ve chosen. When things go wrong she’s a quick-thinker, not to mention self-sufficient. She faces many tragedies but chugs on, defeating the evil with her friends in her heart.  Likelihood to die: 30% Genre: Haunted House, Possession, Slasher, Monster, Paranormal

Yaoyorozu Momo: The Cheerleader/The Nerd. She’s both beautiful and popular, but doesn’t fall into the regular ditzy part of the trope. She’s always using her head, and remains wary of everything around her. She can easily be swayed to relax. When things go wrong she comes up with a plan to save everyone.  Likelihood to die: 50% Genre: Slasher, Monster, Psychological, Haunted House

[tact-and-impulse]

At Arm’s Length Chapter 5

Well, I’ll post in case the storm over here knocks out the power. :p FF.net, AO3

Chapter 5: The Runaway

The following morning, Koshijiro was prepared to train the newest officers. He had ideas about how to assign them, but that would depend on their individual personalities and work ethics. He was about to depart for the police station, when his daughter came up to him.

“Otou-san, have you seen Kenshin?”

“I did not.” Breakfast had been on the table, but there was no other sign of the redhead.

“Hmm.” Her brow furrowed, and she turned on her heel, walking further into the house.

Yahiko was of more help, calling out from the yard. “Sano stopped by, he said they were going out.” At Kaoru’s dubiousness, he added. “I wouldn’t lie. If you worry this much, get Kenshin on a leash.”

She flushed. “You little brat! That’s just…ew!”

“You didn’t have to take me seriously!”

Koshijiro sternly interrupted the exchange. “The both of you should start lessons. Himura and Sagara will be fine wherever they are.”

“It’s the Shuueiya.” Yahiko informed Kaoru. “A gambling hall.”

“G-gambling hall?! Geez, they had better not lose everything.” Despite her disgruntled tone, her expression had relaxed from before. “Otou-san, do you need a bento box?”

“No, I will be in town for most of the day. I’ll be back before dinner.” He said goodbye and saw them wave as he left.

When he entered the department’s large meeting room, the chief introduced him to the group of fifteen officers. “This is former officer Kamiya-san. He recently returned from Satsuma, but he’s been with us for over ten years. He will be in charge of your training from now on.”

Fifteen pairs of eyes stared at his trailing sleeve.

“Yes, I lost my arm in battle.” Koshijiro directly addressed the matter, hoping their curiosity was satisfied. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case, because they began to chatter amongst themselves. He loudly cleared his throat, and they remembered to be quiet.

Soon, he realized the group only needed to be motivated properly. They slacked off on patrols because they were bored, and it was difficult to keep their attention. When he started to lecture about the new patrol routes, they were still distracted by the novelty of his missing arm. Well, except for Kosaburo. He remained attentive the entire time, politely raising his hand when he had a question. He showed the most promise, despite his inexperience.

It was still early when Koshijiro finished lecturing, so he divided them into groups of three and assigned each a route. The young men were well-behaved as they practiced patrolling, but he would have to observe them later, when they thought he wasn’t looking. It was close to evening when he finished checking their paperwork, and handed over their next assignments.

He walked through the streets of Tokyo, alone. It had been a little over a month since his return, and already, much had changed. His daughter was the master of Kamiya Kasshin. An Ishin Shishi veteran and ex-assassin was now handling the household chores. The sole student had once been a pickpocket and their most frequent visitor was a former street fighter. In the old days, all of this would have been frowned upon. But Koshijiro did not care for the past. Now, every day was high-spirited and cheerful. Even with unexpected events, the house was a great deal livelier. He preferred it.

As if fate had read his mind, another surprise awaited him at home. Everyone was in the yard, and ignoring Himura’s spread-eagled body on the ground, he immediately singled out the one unfamiliar person, a young woman with long hair and a red-lipped smile. She wasn’t a friend of Kaoru, judging by how his daughter leveled a firm look at her.

“Takani-san, was it? I’m very sorry, but you can go home. These two idiots might have won you in gambling, but you’re free now.”

Takani didn’t budge. “Oh, I don’t want to. I like this man, you see.” She knelt, helping the half-beaten Himura to a sitting position. She tilted her head close, intimately. “I don’t want to leave his side for a second. And I’m better company than that sweaty girl, aren’t I, Ken-san?”

Himura only gave a dazed moan of ‘oro’, while Kaoru spluttered. “S-stop that!”

“What’s the matter? It doesn’t look like you’re his lover, so you don’t have a say in what he does.”

“Come on, don’t tease her so much, she’s naïve.” Sagara’s input was the last straw.

His daughter was seething in frustration, and Koshijiro stepped in. “Kaoru, you and Yahiko should change out of your uniforms. It’s getting late.” The boy was eager to acquiesce, but Kaoru flashed a glare at the other three.

“If you’d rather not stay at the house of a naïve, sweaty girl, then you can just go!”

Well, Koshijiro hadn’t been happy with how they had picked on her, but losing her temper was too far. “Kaoru!” He scolded, but she ran inside.

“Oh, it’s alright. Girls at that age can be quite testy.” Takani gave a lofty laugh, as if she were a worldly lady, instead of a girl barely older than Kaoru.

Koshijiro turned to them, and Takani stiffened. He then looked to Sagara. “Is it true about the gambling?”

“Er…yeah?” He scratched his head. “Sorry, old man, but we’d like her to stay close.” His tone wasn’t very lighthearted, foreboding rather. He was hiding something, Koshijiro was sure of it.

“Perhaps it’s best for all of you to be elsewhere, until Kaoru calms down. Takani-san, I am Kamiya Koshijiro, Kaoru’s father. You’re welcome to stay for the night, but you should know that my daughter is your hostess and she should be treated accordingly.”

“…yes.” For a moment, it was like she was hiding behind a shield, backing off to protect herself. Her smile was tight. “I’ll be a model guest.”

***

Koshijiro gave a stern lecture, while dinner was being prepared. “Even if you don’t like Takani-san, that is no excuse for bad manners.”

Kaoru had been slicing tofu and now, she brought the knife down heavily on the cutting board. “I was polite! It was Takani-san who was rude first. Why isn’t she hearing this?”

“I do not care who started it, only that you behaved poorly and we must remedy that.” Also, he was honestly at a loss for how to deal with someone like Takani. Or this entire tug-of-war over Himura.

Meanwhile, Yahiko was listening nonchalantly. “Yeah, you were overreacting. Get a grip, moody hag.”

“That’s enough from you, young man.”

“Sorry.” He clammed up.

“But he is correct in that you overreacted. You need to be more mature, in control of your temper. The minute you lose restraint, your efforts will be for nothing. You must be clearheaded and calm, especially with those who are difficult. If you are not, they will get what they want.”

“Fine. I understand, Otou-san.” Kaoru said shortly, and it was silent, except for the thud of the knife in her hand. “Ah, then again. You tried to punch Kenshin when you first met him.”

Of course, that would be brought up! But he supposed he deserved it. His own temper was a work in progress, forty-six years in the making.

Yahiko’s eyes widened. “What?”

“It was a misunderstanding. I apologized later that day, as you should, Kaoru.”

“I know, I will.” She griped, but she sounded more contrite.

An hour later, Sagara and Himura returned. Takani was with them, but she looked rattled, her eyes darting around the room. She didn’t sit down until Himura urged her to.

Kaoru was remorseful, as she set the table. “I’m sorry for snapping. It’s been a long day.”

Himura shook his head. “No, we shouldn’t have brought a guest without asking you beforehand. That was presumptuous of us.” He smiled at her, and she tentatively returned the expression.

“Good, so all’s forgiven.” Sagara grinned. “Let’s eat.”

Dinner was mostly civil, although Sagara and Yahiko’s etiquette needed polishing. Twice, Koshijiro reminded them to stop talking with their mouths full. Kaoru related the day’s events to Himura, and while he was listening to her, Koshijiro noticed his shoulders were tense. He’d have to find out what matter Takani brought to their doorstep.

“Would you like more tea, Takani-san?” He politely asked.

“Oh, no, thank you. And I’d rather not trouble you.” Her gaze was on his missing arm. “Is that recent?”

“From Satsuma.”

“Ah, so you were wounded there.” She was more alert. “Any pain or tenderness?”

“I have occasional phantom pains, but my physician has already given medicine. Aspirin, I believe.”

“No opium.” There was a note of relief in her voice.

“Dr. Oguni doesn’t trust it.”

“That’s good.” She pressed her lips together. “Well, if you feel ill, I have no qualms about hearing your concerns.” Then, she turned her attention to Himura, and the chance to question her was lost amidst her flirtations and Kaoru’s barely restrained apprehension.

After dinner, the stark jolts of pain had also returned, forcing him to excuse himself to his bedroom. He closed his eyes, focusing on breathing and slowly emptying his mind.

“Hey, old man! Your daughter’s peeping!” Sagara’s voice broke him out of meditation. Heaving a sigh, Koshijiro rose and peered out through the window into the yard.

“I wasn’t!” Kaoru said vehemently, releasing her grip on Sagara’s collar. “I was…checking in on Kenshin and Takani-san. They haven’t come out yet.” Supposedly, they were having a ‘discussion’ in one of the rooms.

“It’s not what you’re thinking.” Sagara reassured her. “He might be strong, but Kenshin’s just weak when it comes to women and children.”

“And what about you?” She countered.

His eyes darkened. “I couldn’t care less about that vixen!” It was a strangely intense reaction.

“If there’s something we deserve to know,” Koshijiro cleared his throat and stepped out. “It’d be wise to share it.”

At that moment, Himura joined them. “It’s a sensitive matter, Kamiya-dono. This one can only say that it there may be a serious incident.” He handed a slip of paper to Sagara, who unfolded it. “In this case, the fewer people involved, the better.”

Koshijiro raised his eyebrows. “It’s a matter too sensitive for the police?”

He gave that harmless smile. “Yes, for now.”

It wasn’t a very satisfactory answer, but Kaoru relented a little. “Alright. When it’s over, we’d like an explanation.”

“Of course.”

Suddenly, a cackle floated up from the floorboards. Koshijiro frowned, as Yahiko squirmed out from underneath the porch. “I heard everything! It’s not fair, I want in on this!”

“No way, you’re just a kid.” Sagara dismissed him.

“W-well, you’re just a Sanosuke!” Yahiko attempted a retort and a flying kick, which was easily blocked.  

While the others laughed, Koshijiro caught Takani’s profile, from within the house. She was looking at them, her expression inexplicably melancholy. It was odd, for the spring night was pleasant enough.

At least, until the gate blew open. Concrete and wooden splinters soared through the air.

“They’re here!” Takani’s voice was panicked.

Beyond Himura and Sagara, Koshijiro spotted a hulking shadow that had taken the place of the gate. It was a large man, who could have been a sumo wrestler in another life. He pushed aside pieces of the crumbling wall, as he ordered. “Megumi. Hand her over. I’m Hyottoko of the Oniwanbanshuu, and I might not hurt anyone else if you do what I say now.”

Tense silence followed. Koshijiro drew Kaoru and Yahiko behind him.

Hyottoko scoffed. “Well, a fight it is then. Who’s first? Either, both, it doesn’t matter.”

“Me!” Sagara roared and rushed forward. “I’ll make you talk about the opium!”

Opium? Koshijiro glanced at Takani, who was paler. A sensitive matter, the appearance of a former spy, the secrecy, her interest in physiology. She was likely a manufacturer of the drug, probably escaped from whoever handled her.

Sagara had landed a punch, but Hyottoko didn’t budge. He clicked his teeth, and in the next instant, there was blazing heat. The flames were brief, yet they blackened the grass and Sagara had to throw off his singed coat. He had been lucky, only his leg had taken the most damage.

“That’s our fire man!” There was a distant laugh. “Oil in his gut and flint in his teeth. Nothing he can’t burn!”

“Leave, Beshimi.” Hyottoko snapped, and at the base of his tongue, a drip was visible. Did that connect to where the oil was held?

“Don’t look away. I’m your opponent.” Himura called out, holding the sakabato before him.

“After I’m finished with this one, you’re next, no hurry.”

“That’s true, you can take your time with your sideshow act. It won’t touch a hair.” Himura’s goading worked, for the man was enraged enough to direct the next blast of flames toward him. But Himura wasn’t even singed, as he rapidly spun his sword.

“Oh, he’s using the wind to make a shield!” Yahiko crowed, and Koshijiro pulled him back.

“Go inside and wait there.”

“As if I could! I’m part of Kenshin’s company!”

Exasperated, Koshijiro turned to his daughter, only to see that she wasn’t there. Neither was Takani, but they hadn’t gone far.

“Going somewhere? You could at least watch those who are fighting for your sake.” Kaoru was stopping Takani, who appeared to be trying to slip out.

“Beshimi might be a different story, but Hyottoko is more typical of the Oniwabanshuu. He can’t be beaten by a regular swordsman.”

“Kenshin will win.” She said with certainty. “Because he’s not a regular swordsman.”

Indeed, Himura’s deflection had stalled the attack. Hyottoko had run out of oil, and the flames sputtered out. Then, he suddenly began to pound his stomach.

“He’s trying to refill the oil!” Kaoru realized.

“You’ll have to remove the bag in his stomach!” Koshijiro added. The height of battle could be blamed for that outburst.

However, Sagara walked up, insisting. “Thanks, Kenshin, but I’ll take care of him this time!”

“Your leg’s hurt.” Kaoru protested, but Himura retreated.

“Go ahead, Sanosuke.”

Hyottoko had also recovered, and he aimed directly at Sagara. Within the fire, Sagara’s shadow leapt. He reached into the other man’s mouth and dragged out the oil sack. His arms were covered in burns, but his good leg landed a roundhouse kick into Hyottoko’s jaw, landing the former spy.

“They’re strong.” Takani had found her voice again. “Himura and Sagara.”

“They are, and I can count on them as friends. I’m proud of them.” Kaoru beamed and headed toward them. “Are you two okay? Geez, you really are hurt.”

Exhaustion set in as the adrenaline crashed, and Koshijiro sat on the porch with a sigh. “Yes, they barely managed to win.”

“It seems like that, doesn’t it?” Himura grinned, but the revelry was cut short as he whirled around. “Beshimi is still here!”

A second ninja emerged from the trees over the wall, his face ghastly in the moonlight. This one was more the type, with cunning, angular features and short stature. He snapped his wrist, and something whistled straight towards Takani. But it never hit her.

“Watch out!” Yahiko jumped, a dart landing in the back of his hand. It would have been in Takani’s heart, otherwise.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Kaoru ran to him, helping him up from the ground. “What if it was in your heart? This isn’t a game, so stay back!”

“We’re all protecting her, aren’t we? I said I’m part of Kenshin’s company! Have a little…faith…in…” His words began to slur, and he collapsed once more.

Poison. Dread filled Koshijiro and he hurried over as well.

Beshimi was still talking. “That’s what happens when you get involved in other people’s business! He’ll have an hour at most. You’re next, by the way-huh?” His target had been Himura, who had vanished before him. A moment later, Himura landed his ambush, striking the sakabato down on Beshimi’s head.

However, the falling poisoner’s body didn’t touch the ground. It had happened quickly, but another ninja had been present and dashed to catch his comrade. The man, wearing a Hann’ya mask, held up his hand in surrender. “We’re retreating.”

“We won’t stop you from leaving.” Himura answered. “But give us the poison’s antidote.”

“Why should we? You’re the enemy.”

Himura attacked, but the Hann’ya man stopped the blade with his gloved fist. With the other, he struck Himura, who dug his scabbard into the other man’s liver. As the Hann’ya man stumbled backwards, Himura fell to the grass and Koshijiro moved to stand near him. There was no chance to win against this ninja now, but regardless, he looked for an opening. Anything, to obtain an antidote.

But there was none, and the Hann’ya man only said. “This battle isn’t over. As long as you house Takani Megumi, we’ll be back.” With that, he quickly extricated himself, Hyottoko, and Beshimi. They seemed to melt into the darkness.

“Yahiko! Yahiko!” Kaoru and Sagara were shouting, slapping the boy’s face to keep him awake.

Koshijiro offered his hand to the grimacing Himura, helping him up. He was rather light, but his grip was still strong. As they ran over, Koshijiro inquired. “Himura, do you know what we can do?”

“This one only has experience with broken bones and sword wounds. Should we suck the poison out of the wound?”

Kaoru was prepared to, but Takani grabbed her hand. “You’ll only infect the wound. This isn’t a job for amateurs.” She knelt, fluidly taking Yahiko’s pulse and opening his eyelids. “It’s jimsonweed. Kamiya-san, help me elevate his body with pillows. You mentioned your physician Dr. Oguni. I’ll write a prescription, Kaoru can get it from him. Ken-san, I need boiled water and washcloths. And you buy ice.” She told Sagara, before turning her focused gaze on all of them. “This is a race against time. Go!”

***

By the time Dr. Gensai arrived, most of the debris in the yard had been cleared. Koshijiro waited outside, keeping watch in case anyone else would ambush them in this uncertain situation. But no one did, and Dr. Gensai beckoned him inside, to join his daughter and Sagara. Among the pillows on the floor, Yahiko was asleep, his forehead damp but his breathing even.

Dr. Gensai explained. “The boy will be alright in a few days. Who wrote the prescription? It was perfect, they must have studied at a Western university.”

There was a moment’s pause before Sagara gave her up. “A woman named Takani.”

“Takani? From Aizu?”

Now that Koshijiro thought about it, her accent had a trace of the mainland’s northern provinces. “Do you know her?”

“Not personally. The Takani clan is famous for being physicians, men and women alike. I heard that the last head of the family, Takani Ryuusei, sent his children to one of the new Western institutes in Nagasaki. He was courageous enough to leave his province. Then, Aizu fell; the two of you were probably too young to remember, but you do, Koshijiro.”

He nodded once. He hadn’t been part of the subjugating forces sent by the government, but he and Kyoko had mourned how many had died in the rebellion. “And I’m sure the Takani family had plenty of work on their hands.”

“They did. Takani Ryuusei died on the battlefield, his wife and sons went missing in a fire. But I heard his daughter was in Tokyo, although the doctor she worked for had an ill reputation. He was murdered by gangsters, and no one had seen her since.” Takani-san must have been that daughter, but how had she come to manufacture opium, instead of saving lives?

Then, Kaoru stood, saying grudgingly. “I should thank her. Wait, now that you mention it, I haven’t seen her since you came here.”

Sagara started. “She couldn’t have escaped again? I’ll check inside.”

“We’ll look outside.” Koshijiro offered, and Kaoru followed him.

The yard was still empty, but there were voices from beyond the destroyed gate. Himura was further along the road, perhaps to stop Takani from leaving again. She was crying, looking more like the lonely young woman she was.

“I just wanted to continue working as a doctor.” She sobbed. Evidently, Himura had also discovered her past. “I thought, if I did, my family would find me. But…it’s been ten years, and nothing. And the doctor here made opium, before Kanryuu came.” She spat out the name. “Now I’m making opium for him instead. I tried to escape, even into death.”

The loss of her family and livelihood had driven her to desperation, yet her suicide attempt had failed. She had been lost for many years, without a true sense of purpose. Koshijiro pitied her, and it seemed his daughter did as well, pensively observing the conversation.

“However, for these three years, you produced the opium at a minimum. Yes, there were victims, but not as many as there could have been. You took on this burden, and now it’s time for you to forgive yourself. And you are alive.” Himura replied. “We will do our best to protect you and after that, you can find your own way to live on. There are many people who you could help, with your expertise. That is the only way you can atone, Takani-dono.”

Kaoru spoke up, relenting. “You saved Yahiko, and we have you to thank. The least we can do is give you a place to stay. Just for now.”

Takani wiped at her eyes, before bowing her head. “Thank you.”

For the moment, it had all ended well and Koshijiro couldn’t complain. A brisk wind blew, and he quietly said. “It’s been a long night. We should all go inside.”

Together, the four of them returned to the warmth of the house. But Sagara did not greet Takani, his expression still guarded.