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spoiledprincessbratspostsblog · 1 day ago

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needing

Rafe Cameron x Maybank!Reader

Warnings: English isn't my first language so I apologize for any and all mistakes. All GIF credits to the owner. Heavy implications of smut but no actual smut. Kind of Toxic!Rafe but idk??This is lowkey rushed but I needed it to get out there lol.

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Being JJ’s sister already meant people had a bad perception of you, but your attitude did not help the rumors anyway. You weren’t known for being nice to everyone, and that was fine because it scared the weirdos away most of the time.

You’ve always seemed strong and independent. Insults usually rolled right off you, and situations didn’t seem to bother you. Being hard-headed and having an attitude all the time was a good cover. But it was all a front. At home, your dad would constantly abuse alcohol, and you and JJ often bore the brunt of his rage. When JJ started sleeping at John B’s house and only saw you once a week, you ended up taking most of the hits.

You were friends with the Pogues, but not as close as JJ was, so you didn’t feel comfortable staying at John B’s house.

You met Rafe almost a year ago at a party. It was meant to be an emotionless hook-up and nothing more. But over time, what started as frequent, meaningless sex evolved into a friends-with-benefits situation. You two began spending a lot of time together, both with and without there being sex involved. He started taking you out to places and even to parties with his friends and others around.

But he wasn’t your boyfriend. And every time you attempted to bring it up he'd claimed he “couldn’t be the man you needed.” Despite that, as you grew closer, he eventually learned about your home life. Rafe wasn’t stupid—he knew Pogues had it hard—but he hadn’t realized how much your situation affected you. How you were really a sweet and caring person who had just been hurt by your situation. Once he did learn, he started spending more time with you at his house, claiming, “Look, I know this is just sex, but come on, I can’t have you around that bullshit, ‘kay?”

You didn’t complain—free days at Tannyhill with him were a welcome escape!

Everything was fine until Rafe started treating you like an actual girlfriend. You wanted to be his, but was he really capable? Anyway, it wasn’t what he wanted—he’d made that very clear—so it didn’t matter.

Then, you two got into a bad argument last week. You’d started feeling very dependent on Rafe, and you hated it. So you began to pull back, which only made him care more. One comment led to another, and…

“Rafe, stop. If you’re not my boyfriend, stop acting like you care about me like one.”

“My god! You don’t want me to care about you just ‘cause I don’t wanna be your boyfriend? S’pathetic.”

“Fuck you!” you yelled before storming out.

You hadn’t seen or talked to him since. He was pissed but still wanted to fix things; he just didn’t know how.

That’s when you called.

Your dad had come home drunk, yelling and throwing things. You could no longer bear it. So you called Rafe.

“Hey, I’ll be at yours in like half an hour,” you told him, not waiting for a response.

When you arrived, Wheezie let you in. (She already knew the procedure and wouldn’t snitch,) but she stopped you.

“Hey, you okay? You don’t look okay,” she asked.

You put on your best smile. “Yeah! M’fine! Rafe’s here, right?” She nodded and let you pass.

When you reached Rafe’s room, he was sitting on his bed. His eyes instantly met yours. You climbed onto the bed, inching towards him, and eventually straddled him without saying a word while he stared at you.

“Hi,” you whispered before kissing him.

Rafe, being a man with needs, initially kissed you back. But after sensing something was wrong, he pulled back.

“Nah, nah, you were just over here yelling at me. I’m not mad, okay, but you’re not okay,” he said, concern in his voice.

You frowned as tears welled up in your eyes. “Rafe, m’fine. I’m sorry. You’re forgiven. Please just kiss me. Come on, I just need to forget.”

He kissed you again but stopped when he felt you begin to cry lightly, your breath hitching out of sadness.

“Nah, baby, come on,” he said, pulling you into a hug and holding you tight.

You couldn’t cry in front of him. You couldn’t be so attached to him. It freaked you out, and you tried to push him off.

“Rafe, stop!” you cried, but his grip only tightened.

“What is it? Is it me?” he asked softly, stroking your hair to calm you down. “Your parents?” he whispered.

Finally, you broke down, crying into his chest and wetting his shirt with your tears. Although you had previously confided in him, it had never been like this. He whispered a series of “M’sorrys” as he stroked your hair.

When you finally calmed down, you pulled back and got off him, heading to his mirror to clean yourself up. He stared at you with concern.

“Shit, sorry. Okay, well, m’gonna go now,” you said quickly.

He immediately got up and walked over, towering over you. “The fuck you are. You haven’t told me what’s wrong or why you tried to forget by fucking me.”

“I just needed to forget, okay? No point crying over something I can’t change.”

“Something you can’t change?”

“What?”

“What is the something you can’t change?”

“The situation with my dad and your feelings toward me,” you calmly explained.

“Now, why’d you think fucking was gonna make everything better, huh?” he scolded, switching the topic.

You looked away. “Thought that’s what you wanted.”

“What?”

“I thought you’d no longer be mad at me or wouldn’t care if I was crying if you got to fuck,” you said lightly.

He scoffed in disbelief. “You think that’s the kind of person I am? Baby, I care so much more for you than I’ll ever let on, okay? And this isn’t just sex. You are so much more to me as a person. It’s important to me that you know that, ‘kay?”

You nodded, still waiting for him to respond to your earlier comment.

His face softened. “Look, I wanna be your boyfriend, ‘kay? More than anything, fuck, believe me. But I can’t be the man you deserve. You deserve so much better.”

You scoffed lightly. “But I want you.”

He sighed. “Let me better myself. Then I promise.” He leaned in and kissed your forehead softly. “Stay here tonight, yeah?”

You nodded.

Later that night, as you drifted off to sleep, he kissed your arms, shoulders, and face with gentle affection. “I love you,” he whispered before the both of you fell asleep.

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron x you #rafe obx #rafe x reader #fanfiction #outerbanks rafe #rafe x you #rafe cameron angst #rafe imagine #rafe cameron obx #luvy writes!

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lennadanvers · 2 days ago

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The Heartbreak Chronicles

Edward The Freak Munson was your first love.

(In more than one way).

(None of them ended up well).

High school Edward was something. Jean and leather, band t-shirts and patches. The shiny chains were still there. He had picked up guitar and stuck with it, as you found out at the talent show. His hair and his opinions had grown.

And his big, sad eyes were still there.

He had a reputation now: dangerous, freaky, dark. Maybe it was true. Maybe it had always been. It was just that people took a while to realize. He was the same over dramatic, fun, imaginative boy you had lost. Except that he took his drama all the way up to the tabletops of the cafeteria now.

It was hard not to enjoy the show. It was even harder to wonder how would it be to know him again. He had so much determination and sarcasm, he was so over the way the world worked, so full of disdain and passion… As someone who had served under the Queen’s orders- even if it was a fantasy queen, years ago, in the battlefield that was kindergarten-, you wanted to be loved by him.

How would anyone not want to be worthy of his love?

You knew better, of course. He had distanced himself. And yeah, maybe it had been a long time ago, but why should you give him another chance? No, sir. You didn’t have many things, but your pride was something no one could take from you.

Besides, he had never asked for another chance.

But he was fucking everywhere. He had founded the coolest club in the whole state. His van took up half the parking lot, a lighthouse in the middle of a naked shore. His hair was impossible to miss in the hallway, and your lunches were plagued by him and his stupidly interesting speeches. He even showed up at every party, ready to supply the sheeples with the only best weed in Hawkins.

And not once, in any of those scenarios, were you the object of his attention.

You could have stayed away, of course. It was just a matter of willpower. But your curiosity was bigger. Also, the sheet to sign up for Hellfire Club ended up being taped to the wall right next to your locker. It had to be a sign, if fate could be any more literal: just sign the sign.

It was a terrible idea. Made your nerves skyrocket and your appetite disappear, and your hands were trembling more than usual. You promised yourself you wouldn’t go back if it turned out to be as awful of an experience as you feared.

It was much, much worse: your first day at Hellfire was amazing. You had actual fun- something you hadn’t had in years, if you were honest. The boys were nice in a warm way, talking over each other and, frankly, more excited about the game than you. It was great, because it didn’t make you feel like a guest, but like you belonged.

And Edward welcomed you.

After years without talking to you, without even glancing at you, he smiled and bowed, arms wide as if to show you his kingdom.

“Be welcome to our humble table, mighty lady. Be prepared to face more adventure than you’ve ever heard of, more danger than you can fear and to conquer more victories than anyone can dream.”

He acted that way with everyone. And he lied.

You had heard of that much adventure, sure as hell. Actually, some of his adventures sounded familiar- they were detailed evolutions of childhood games.

But you fell for it anyway. It was good to be back home.

Even if he stabbed you in the back every now and then.

After the first session, as everyone was tidying up, he had cocked his head at you.

“We used to play together when we were kids, didn’t we? You’re not as boring as you look.”

And he had the audacity to wink, as if it would do anything but burn. So you punched back.

“Oh… Did we? I have a pretty bad memory. Sorry.”

Cue innocent and nonchalant shoulder shrug, finished off with a tight lip smile.

The second time Edward Munson broke your heart was worse, because you saw it coming. And you still followed him, like a reflection on a dark mirror, like you had no choice but to help him shatter you.

Second part! The next one is Eddie's POV! Please comment or reblog if you like it, that really motivates me to keep writing! Also, my inbox is always open (not just for requests and ideas about fics, you can also come say hi and tell me about your day or whatever you want to talk about). If you want me to add you to the taglist, just let me know!

Taglist: @arabellagreenleaf , @stylesxmunson , @am0iur

#fanfiction #lennadanvers #eddie munson #stranger things #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie x reader #the heartbreak chronicles #eddie x you #eddie stranger things #eddie #reader pov #childhood best friends to lovers #friends to enemies #childhood best friends

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teklarn · 3 days ago

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devoted little thing, pt 1. - j. todd

masterlist!

jason todd x fem!reader

link to the fic on AO3 -> here

genre: angst (series)

summary: After the death of your boyfriend, Jason Todd, your life has never been the same. You abandon everything you've ever known: your job working for Batman as a detective, your home, your friends. That is until three years after his death, your life is saved by a mysterious vigilante calling himself the Red Hood.

You assume it was a one-off; that the infamous anti-hero just happened to be in the right place at the right time. But you're finding his calling card everywhere. He's around every single corner―you can't seem to get rid of him. The mystery of his identity brings you back to Bruce in hopes of finding out who he is. But as intimidating as the Red Hood is, with his blurry morals and all, you can't help but find yourself falling for him.

Your devotion to your late lover, Jason, is strong, but it feels so nice to be touched again―how could you say no to the man who saved your life?

warnings: non canon compliant, heavy themes of depression and anxiety, slight yandere themes to come, slight stalking, suicidal thoughts, heavy angst, death, unedited.

He had always been angry. So damn angry. At you, at the world, at Bruce.

And you knew, dammit. You had known deep down that his anger would cost him dearly one day.

You just didn't think it would put him in the ground.

Tears erupted from your eyes like a waterfall, Bruce and Alfred the only other people present as they dropped your beloved into the ground, his youthful face illuminated by the silver moonlight spilling over the graveyard. The three of you stayed silent. What was there to say? At any other funeral, people would say the usual: He died too young. His life still has meaning. He's looking down on us right now. He'll guide you.

Damn it all. Damn everything. As you stared at that coffin, the dark wood splattered with raindrops violently crashing down, you couldn't help the anger boiling in your veins. Sad as you were, you couldn't help but think to yourself: Was I not enough? Not enough to stop him from chasing his anger down into a well. A pit of darkness so deep and inescapable even you couldn't pull him out of it.

Bruce rests a hand on your shoulder, lifting the umbrella higher to further shelter you from the violent downpour. You pretend not to notice the way his cheeks are rosy from the cold, or how his eyes are watering the longer he stares at the grave.

Death curls its bony fingers around your throat―it whispers sweet nothings in your ear. Once upon a time, you'd been just like Jason. Alone on the streets, an orphan with no direction in life. But cursed with a talent for solving any mystery you could get your hand on, Bruce welcomed you into his family, where you had met Jason. Someone who knew what it was like to be alone. Someone with the same resentment towards the world. The only person who understood you was in the ground now. And, just hours before his death, you had fought.

Jason was no easy-going boy. There were some days where you pondered that perhaps Jason liked to bicker with you. He liked the thrill of fighting, of winning. Your relationship was perfect by no means, but it wasn't toxic. Not until his anger got the best of him, like it had hours before his death. The fight had started like many others and had ended the same way: with him storming out the door, cheeks reddened with fury, hints of tears glinting in his eyes.

On any normal day, you would have chased after him. Told him not to run away from his problems. He would have returned with a scowl on his face, but at least he would still be home. It was the one time you didn't chase after him. The one time you let him slip away.

And dammit, the guilt was stabbing your gut like rusty knives.

You resisted the urge to shove Bruce's hand off your shoulder, instead opting for the respectful option of turning away, claiming you just needed space. Which wasn't entirely a lie. You didn't want to be near Bruce, nor Alfred, but if they hadn't been standing at Jason's grave, you would have stayed there and cried all night. Until your eyes were puffy, until the rain left you a shivering, soaking mess. Until Death came to claim you itself.

Back inside, when Bruce and Alfred finally rejoined you, you'd already showered and changed into a dry pair of clothes. It had taken all the strength left inside your soul to take care of yourself. To not throw yourself onto your bed and drown beneath the plush sheets.

You couldn't look Bruce in the eye. The fire flickered, casting shadows on his harsh features, the flames dancing across the walls. His eyes were angry. His eyes looked like Jason's.

On long, hard days, Jason would rant about Bruce. About his antics, his supposed cowardice, his lack of courage when it came to doing the hard thing over the right thing. On those days, you yearned to tell Jason that he looked just like Bruce. That the only real difference between them was that Bruce would choose his morals over everything.

Now, Bruce's eyes darkened. There was hate behind them. Thoughts swarming, filled with white-hot anger that mirrored your own. That same anger that mirrored Jason's. You couldn't do it. You could barely keep yourself on your feet.

"Is everything all right?" Alfred asked, his gaze averting from his master to you. The wrinkles in his face made you sick. It felt wrong to see someone so old, so wise, someone who had lived life to the fullest of years. In fifty years, Jason should look just like Alfred. With wrinkles and smile lines pressed deep into his features. Crows feet should crinkle at the edges of his eyes and his smile should reflect accomplishment.

You tried to shove the image from your head, but staring at Bruce and Alfred was like looking at future versions of the man you loved. The man you'd just buried underground mere hours ago.

Blinking away tears, you waved off the poor butler. "I have to go. I'm sorry."

Weeks later, you felt entirely, hopelessly useless. And Bruce had allowed you to rot. Your bed was your only comfort aside from your imagination. You'd pull your pillows close, running your hands over the smooth cases, digging your fingers into the wrinkles the same way you'd fist Jason's shirt when he'd hold you. Bruce's disciplined antics hadn't ceased, but he was shockingly understanding.

Well, maybe not shockingly. To him, he'd lost a son. To you, you'd lost a best friend, a lover, a soulmate. Whatever your naive little mind could conjure up. Jason was everything.

As the days dragged on, your anger subsided. All you wanted was him, now. One more minute to apologize for your attitude, one more second just to run your fingers over his olive-toned skin. Just a moment. One fleeting, desperate moment to say three words: "I love you."

Your mind was a prison of grief, your body was a shell housing a half-dead soul. Periodically, Alfred came in to set plates of food on your nightstand. Your mouth watered, but the food remained untouched for the most part. Guilt prodded at your stomach. Bruce should find a way to drag you out of bed. He should force you to stop mourning; to find a distraction. Perhaps a new case for you to dive into.

You felt like throwing up.

Just the image of Bruce's face brought back the image of Jason's. An older, colder version of Jason hardened by the vices of the world. And Alfred, sweet Alfred could place a reason as to why you refused to look at him, too.

It was all because of Jason. Because he deserved to live, to be old and die old. He deserved to be ninety and to rot away in some hospice, waiting for death to greet him like an old friend. His hairline would be receded and his face would be marred with age spots and freckles from years of baking under the sun.

"Miss?" A knock at your door sounded, and the familiar voice of Bruce's friendly butler flooded your ears.

A quiet sob slipped past your lips. Loneliness was consuming you like a disease, but who could you talk to that would be worth your time? Who would understand you, who would bring you back to life the way he always knew how to?

A soft, "Mhm?" was all you could manage.

You heard Alfred peel the door open with a creak, and the smell of steaming hot food invaded your nostrils, the mouth-watering spices wafting into your room and filling the space with warmth and love. He set the plate down on your nightstand, exchanging it for your un-touched dinner from the night before.

"Master Wayne is requesting your presence. Would you...care to join him after breakfast?" The hesitance in Alfred's voice made your guilt ten times worse. You were bloated with regret and sadness―it was spilling through your mouth, your eyes. Your very being was drenched with remorse.

"I can join him now," you say weakly. You didn't care much to make yourself presentable. Bruce had known both you and Jason's since you were children. You'd both been welcomed into the family under the same circumstances. Jason, being only a few years older than you, had been the first to make you feel truly at home. Everything seemed to revolve around Jason and it made you so...so angry.

"He insists you take your time getting ready." The gentleness in Alfred's tone told you everything he meant to portray. Take all the time you need. There's something important he needs to tell you.

When the door clicks shut, you don't know how, but you manage to crawl out of bed. The feeling of your feet on the scratchy carpet is foreign, even the hot water running down your body feels like a new sensation when you're able to drag your ass into the shower. Damn, how long had it been since you last washed up?

The depression had a chokehold on you. It had sunk its teeth and nails bone-deep, slowly slurping the life from your veins. Your body obeyed nothing but sloth. It was a shock even to yourself that you had offered to meet Bruce downstairs.

By the time you wipe the steam off the mirror and see yourself, you look the same as you had the day you buried Jason. Your eyes are still painfully puffy, your skin dry from tears dragging down your cheeks. You throw on suitable but casual clothing, and you have to admit, it feels nice to put yourself together after spending weeks sinking into your mattress, practically binding your body to it.

Downstairs, Bruce is already waiting. Alfred has your coat ready. Your footsteps halt on the stairs as hesitance builds its way through your body. You can still barely look at Bruce without seeing Jason. You train your eyes on Alfred instead, hoping that you'll find his wrinkled face easier to bear.

"What's going on?" Your voice cuts through the silence, echoing painfully along the empty walls of the manor.

Bruce sighs, but you keep your eyes down or on Alfred. You can't look at him. You really can't. He takes your jacket from Alfred and holds the arms out for you. "We're relocating you."

"What? Relocating me? What does that mean?" Confusion ebbs its way into your mind.

"Both Alfred and I have concluded that it isn't healthy for you to stay here anymore. You need something new. Something―"

You cut Bruce off. "What the hell do you mean by relocating me?"

Alfred straightened. "There's an apartment Master Wayne has purchased within the city. We thought it might be better for you to be surrounded by people. There might be an opportunity for you to―"

"To what? I don't need to be moved, I'm fine where I am. What about all the cases I've solved in the past? You don't think I'm fit to do it anymore?" You knew they were only trying to help. That this was the only way they knew how after you'd completely shut down. But your anger couldn't be snuffed out. This outburst was new. It wasn't you. "What? Are you trying to get rid of me? Am I too much of a reminder of him? Don't try to run away from your issues again, Bruce."

You didn't want to say this. You didn't want to be so...mean. But dammit, your mouth was moving too fast for you to think. Even when Alfred and Bruce's faces flickered with sympathy and a strange sense of understanding, you didn't stop your insults.

"I don't need to move. I don't need to run away." Your brows knit together in anger.

"Then what do you need?" Bruce dared to ask.

"I..." Your voice caught in your throat. I want Jason, I want his comfort. I want his words, his arms, his love and unconditional understanding.

Bruce's stern features tightened. Instead of the father-figure you'd come to know, he was just a businessman right now. Cold, calculating, demanding. The strength it took you to meet his gaze was all you needed to snatch your coat and toss yourself into his vehicle.

The apartment wasn't shaggy, but it was homey. It felt much warmer than the emptiness you'd been accustomed to back at the estate. The ride here had been riddled with painful silence, you nor Bruce or Alfred daring to speak. A part of you wanted to apologize for your outburst. It wasn't their fault, they were just trying to help. You knew damn well that was the truth.

One bathroom, one bedroom, a generous kitchen, and a balcony three stories up, overlooking the trash-littered street below. Gotham wasn't a beautiful place, but maybe it was just what you needed. To be around people, surrounded by the environment of people just as lost and as broken as you.

The lack of elegance made you appreciate the apartment that much more. Bruce knew you didn't need anymore empty space to fill. And this...this was what you needed.

Still, some wretched part of you couldn't stand the thought of decisions being made for you. You wanted someone to blame, someone to yell at. Something to take out your anger on.

"We'd like to keep in touch." Bruce handed you a transmitter. One of his high-tech ones made just for you. It was an order, not a request. You snatched the transmitter from his calloused hands and stuffed it away.

"How do you know I'm not going to kill myself now that no one is watching me?" You snickered. Your chuckle was humorless. It was a painful truth they hadn't thought of. Or...they had, judging by the tension pulling on their features.

You didn't want to ask how or why.

Don't make this about you, you scolded yourself. Gray emotions swirled within you.

"We'll deliver your things tomorrow morning. Just allow yourself to get settled in." Alfred nodded to the transmitter. "If you need anything―anything at all―don't hesitate to reach out. This will be good for you."

You must have pushed the awkward farewells from your mind, because somehow you ended up on the floor of your new apartment, sobbing at the emptiness. The void of your new home felt like a region in outer space that even an alien wouldn't belong to. Your mixed emotions, the pain running through your chest, it was all a constant reminder of what you lost, of who you were haunted by. Of the person you'd never see again.

The emptiness inside of you was a permanent reminder of the person you had once loved the most, and how he had died thinking you were angry at him.

This is good for me, you reminded yourself.

Tears spilled from your eyes.

This is good for me.

link to the fic on AO3 -> here

#angst #dc fanfic #batfamily #dc x reader #jason todd x reader #dcu #jason todd #red hood #redhood #jason todd angst #red hood x reader #red hood x you #x reader #dick grayson #nightwing #batman #alfred pennyworth #bruce wayne #red hood angst

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malk1ns · 3 days ago

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january 7 vs blue jackets, 4-3 S/O loss

geno misses his first game in over two seasons. cue a five-alarm meltdown on tumblr and twitter lmao.

this fic contains mpreg. i wouldn't call it a dystopia exactly, but it's also not not a dystopia. it's not a breeding program, but it's not not a breeding program. you get it.

When Jarry lets in the second goal on the shootout and the Blue Jackets pour off the bench to celebrate, Zhenya slams his hand on the arm of the couch he and Tommer are watching from in the lounge and curses.

Tommer frowns at him. “Take it easy,” he says, glancing at the door. “We just barely got them to leave. If they hear you freaking out, they’ll make you go back to the exam room.”

Zhenya grumbles, but subsides. Tommer’s right. The medical staff had been loath to let Zhenya leave their sight, even though all he wanted to do was sit on a couch and watch the Penguins play. It had taken Tommer popping up from his meeting with the trainers and promising to stay with him before they left him alone.

Zhenya’s been taking pregnancy tests on a daily basis for the last two weeks, Sid hovering over his shoulder as they waited out the 15-minute timer. And every day, they’d both let out a breath when no second line showed up—Sid in disappointment, and Zhenya in…also disappointment, but not entirely.

Until this afternoon. Zhenya went to morning skate like normal, then came home and let Sid fuss at him before their nap. His alarm went off, he groaned and stumbled into the bathroom, he peed on a stick.

This time, though, as the countdown on his phone ticked over to five minutes left, a second faint line appeared.

“Holy shit,” Sid had said, hand sneaking around Zhenya’s torso to rest low on his belly. “Baby, look.”

They were later than normal to the arena for the game. Zhenya insisted on taking three more tests, watching each one pop positive as he swallowed back nausea.

He’s pregnant. The doctors confirmed it when they got to the rink; Sid must have called ahead, because they were waiting for them just inside the doors, whisking Zhenya away and shooing Sid off when he tried to follow. The blood test was conclusive, and Zhenya stared down at the printout in stunned silence.

He managed to avoid that particular clause in his contract for almost twenty years. He’d played his hardest, given this team and this city everything he had, and when his agent broached the topic in the off-season he put it off, changing the subject and dedicating himself to training so the team wouldn’t push the issue. If he’s playing well, after all, they’d rather keep him on the ice.

That changed with his last extension. Expectations were made clear, and even a regime change hadn’t altered them.

Zhenya hasn’t exactly made his case for anything different this year, he knows that. He’s been distracted, worn down by the extra media and public scrutiny once it leaked that he and Sid were trying. Everywhere he goes, he gets stopped by people asking how it’s going, if he has good news to share.

And there’s Sid.

In years past, Sid helped Zhenya track his cycle so they could avoid his most fertile days and extend Zhenya’s playing time. This year, though, he’d come back from the offseason, taken Zhenya to bed, and essentially not let him leave.

The attention is nice. What started back in 2006 as an arranged thing for the future of the organization turned quickly into something real, something permanent, and Zhenya will never be upset about being on the receiving end of Sidney Crosby’s considerable focus. It’s the why that’s making him uneasy.

Sid had always been different. Circumstances outside their control brought them together, but he made an effort to get to know Zhenya as a person, and the feelings that developed grew naturally, like a regular relationship. This season, though, he’s been different, fixated on the idea of getting Zhenya pregnant with an alarming level of enthusiasm. It’s infiltrated his dirty talk even, and while Zhenya won’t pretend it’s not hot in the moment, it’s been making him feel a little off, a little claustrophobic.

Technically, Zhenya can still play, for a few more weeks at least. He could probably force the issue, kick up a fuss and threaten to tell the union that the Penguins are violating his right to play while he’s still eligible. He thinks about Sid, though, the way Sid handed him into the car this afternoon like he was made of glass, and his stomach twists.

He’s a hockey player. His whole life has been structured around playing games, and getting ready to play games, and rehabbing from injuries so he can get ready to play games again. He doesn’t know how to take an extended break with no defined date of return.

But Sid’s been on overdrive all season, protective and overbearing. He’s only going to get worse now that it’s caught and Zhenya’s finally carrying his child.

It’s probably easier if Zhenya just goes along with it, lets himself get put on IR and focuses on growing this baby.

After all, if he does a good job with this one, if it’s strong and healthy, they might not push him into trying for a second one right away. He and Sid can focus on being parents and Zhenya can get back into game shape, maybe even get one more crack at the postseason before he retires.

Sid fell in love with Zhenya’s hockey first, after all. He’ll want Zhenya to be able to play again.

Zhenya catches himself rubbing fretfully at his lower stomach, and his mouth twists.

#sidgeno #hockey rpf #my writing #my fic #24-25 series

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sebastianstangirl01 · 2 days ago

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✧˖° Bring The Lion Out | Pogues & Rafe

pairing - the pogues x cameron!reader, rafe cameron x sister!reader

warnings - violence, language, attempted assault

summary - a fun day at the beach quickly took a turn when the the baby of the group gets cornered by a couple of kooks who don’t have good intentions. luckily she has her friends and siblings who will do anything to protect her.

authors note - i am going to be using the name audrey again for this fic, obviously this fic is not at all related to my last one about rafe. using audrey is just easier for me instead of y/n, mainly bc it is my name lol and i can just type it mindlessly. but obviously feel free to use whatever name you want and imagine the character anyway you want! her nickname is going to be baby, kinda like baby in dirty dancing, so that’s what most everyone is going to call her! i hope you all enjoy!!

requested - yes!

not proofread!!

✧˖°

summer in the obx was nothing less than magical. the weather was hot during the day, perfect for getting a nice tan, and cooler when the sun went down making thin blankets or sweatshirts your best friend.

audrey “baby” cameron has always loved summer. in the past she would spend her time surfing with her sister sarah or going on jet ski rides with her brother rafe. then sunset boat rides on the druthers with her family always ended the night.

but this year was different. ward was dead and rose took wheezie and disappeared off the face of the earth, not answering any of the many phone calls both sarah and audrey made. luckily she still had sarah and rafe, who miraculously made up and are closer than ever.

audrey has still had a hard time though, being pretty much shielded from all the drama that occurred over the past couple of years, she was blindsided by everything. for the first couple of weeks she had never felt more alone.

realizing that they had to step up for their little sister, rafe and sarah did everything they could to help her grieve the family they once had. the pogues had taken audrey under their wing as well, all of them always having a soft spot for the now 16 year old who had only been 13 when this all started.

sarah was still living with john b, but rafe had bought his own house on figure 8 after selling their family home, none of them wanted to live there anymore with the false memories of the fake family they had. audrey had moved in with him and rafe did his best to make sure it was perfect for her.

the biggest surprise to audrey was that rafe was actually pretty friendly with the pogues now, to the point that they all hang out together pretty frequently. which audrey is thankful for, especially because this meant he was spending less and less time with topper and kelce who she hates.

today was one of those days, the waves were supposed to be perfect and jj had challenged audrey to a surfing competition. so rafe threw the boards into the back of his truck and the brother and sister duo were on their way.

when they arrived at the beach it wasn’t very crowded, much to audrey’s delight, there were a few teenagers further down the beach but that was about it. sarah and the pogues pulled up right beside them and everyone got out, setting up their spot for the day.

“hope you’re ready, baby. those waves are calling my name.” jj teased the younger girl as he waxed his board

“no, i hope you’re ready. don’t want you to get embarrassed about getting beat by a 16 year old again.” audrey fired back making kie laugh and pat her shoulder

“you got it, baby.” kie ruffled her hair, ignoring the look of betrayal on her boyfriends face

“hey! you’re supposed to root for me!” jj pouted and kie just shrugged

“baby’s obviously the favorite.” john b said as he walked up behind audrey and wrapped his arm around her shoulder

“right, just how many years of friendship? right down the drain.” jj mumbled to himself

audrey smiled at his dramatics and walked over to sarah who was sitting in a lounge chair underneath the umbrella. the 16 year old carefully sat down on her lap and sarah chuckled shaking her head fondly and adjusting into a more comfortable position. sarah looped her arms around audrey’s waist and pulled her back against her chest.

“can i help you?” sarah twirled a strand of her sisters hair

“nope, you’re just comfy and i’m waiting for your husband to finish waxing my board.” audrey closed her eyes at the feeling of sarah playing with her hair like she used to do when they were kids

“almost done, jeez!” john b called and the girls giggled

“how are you feeling?” audrey asked and sarah smiled using her other hand to gently rub her slightly swollen belly

“i don’t have morning sickness anymore, so i feel great.” sarah sighed heavily luckily at 20 weeks the worst of her morning sickness had passed

“i still think the baby should be named after me, audrey jr is perfect. we can call her aj for short.” audrey wiggled her brows

“hey, we still don’t know if it’s a boy or girl.” sarah reminded her and audrey just shook her head

“it’s a girl, i just know it.” audrey smiled

sarah just smiled fondly at her sister and began to quickly braid her long hair so it wouldn’t be in her face while she was surfing. at some point kie and pope had flopped down beside them under the umbrella, pulling out the snacks and drinks they had packed for the day.

cleo was standing with jj and john b, criticizing the way they handled the boards. and rafe had gone back to his truck to grab his own chair and the bag that had their towels and some sunscreen in it.

the weather was perfect today, a soft breeze cut through the humidity and the cloudless sky was a bright blue color. audrey found herself wishing that she could spend every day like this, sitting on a beach with her favorite people in good weather.

“boards ready for ya, baby!” john b walked over to them holding audrey’s board on his hip

“thanks, jb! last one in’s a rotten egg.” audrey jumped up taking her board before running towards the water

she laughed hearing jj curse and chase after her, the cool water made audrey tense for a moment before her body became used to the temperature and she paddled out.

kie, pope, and john b joined shortly after audrey and jj while cleo and sarah built a sandcastle and rafe sunbathed. the waves were perfect, just as they had predicted.

the group caught wave after wave, and eventually kie deemed audrey as the winner of her and jj’s little competition.

“no way!” jj complained flopping back onto his board

“sorry j but baby had ya beat.” kie patted his chest

“don’t be a sore loser bro.” pope chided him and jj scoffed

“i am no such thing!” jj held his chest in offense

“bullshit.” pope coughed making the others laugh

jj just narrowed his eyes before lurching forward and knocking pope off his board into the water. audrey laughed wiping the water that splashed onto her face from her eyes, while kie just shook her head at their childish behavior.

jj and pope popped their heads up out of the water and quickly knocked the remaining three off their boards making them join them in the water.

“not cool.” john b splashed jj, who was responsible for knocking him into the water

feeling her stomach grumble in hunger, audrey pulled herself back up onto her board. intending to swim back to shore and eat one of the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches cleo brought.

“i’m heading in, i’m starved.” audrey announced and the group gave her a thumbs up

“i’ll come with ya, need to check on sarah.” john b said ignoring the whipping sounds pope and jj made

the duo paddled towards the shore, john b waving at a couple other surfers who recognized him. audrey huffed out of breath as she made it to the beach, struggling to prop her board on her hip.

“need some help?” an unrecognizable voice asked from her left

audrey lowered her board and saw 3 boys she didn’t recognize standing there, but from the looks of their ray-bans and vineyard vines swim trunks she knew they had to be kooks.

“uh, no thanks. i can manage.” audrey gave them a polite smile

“come on, that boards like twice your size. we don’t bite.” the same one said

“unless you want us to.” another one smirked

“really. i’m good.” audrey clenched her jaw becoming uncomfortable

as she went to walk away one of the guys grabbed her board, stopping her.

“hey, we’re trying to be nice here and help you out. the least you could do is not be a bitch about it and let us.” the first guy spoke again

“excuse me?” audrey gaped at him, shocked that anyone would talk to another person like that

“you heard him, so be a good girl and let us help ya out. maybe you can repay us tonight, we love to share.” the third guy said

feeling alarm bells ring in her head, audrey knew she needed to leave. she dropped her board and turned to walk away, but was stopped when a strong hand latched onto her arm and pulled her back into a chest roughly.

“where you going, huh?” the second guy asked

“let go of me!” audrey exclaimed, jamming her knee into his crotch making him curse and drop his hold on her

“fucking bitch!” the first guy scoffed, pulling her hair making audrey yelp

before anything else could happen, yelling was heard and suddenly audrey was ripped away and rafe tackled both remaining guys to the ground.

audrey fell to the sand and looked up to see rafe and john b ontop of two of them punching them in the face. the third guy tried to get up but was punched in the face by cleo sending him back to the ground.

“audrey!” sarah exclaimed dropping to the ground beside her sister and pulling her into her arms

the others made hurried onto the beach when they heard the commotion and pope and jj hurried to help john b and rafe while kie immediately ran to sarah and audrey who were now joined by cleo.

“hey, are you ok?” kie asked touching audrey’s knee

“yeah. i’m fine.” audrey winced and touched her head that was tender from where her hair was pulled

“jackasses.” sarah seethed rubbing her hand up and down audrey’s arm

it took both john b and jj to pull rafe off his guy, who’s nose was all bloody and most likely broken. the other two guys in similar shape.

“you so much as glance in my sisters direction again and i’ll fucking kill you.” rafe threatened and the three guys immediately ran away

the boys turned back to the girls and rafe knelt down in front of audrey, grabbing her hand and giving it a soft squeeze. his jaw clenched when he noticed the hand shaped bruise on her arm.

“are you ok?” rafe asked pinching her chin to get her attention

“yeah. just a little freaked out, but i’m ok.” audrey nodded

“well those sons of bitches won’t bother you anymore, baby. scared them so bad i’d be surprised if they ever show their faces again.” jj chuckled

“better not, or i’ll cut em.” cleo flipped open her knife making audrey smile

“no one messes with baby.” pope pushed cleo’s hand down

“damn straight.” john b nodded squeezing her shoulder

“thanks guys.” audrey smiled, feeling so incredibly lucky to have friends who care as much as hers do

“let’s not let them ruin our beach day, we have hours of daylight left.” kie said moving to stand

“yeah then tonight we can have a bonfire and roast marshmallows.” sarah smiled before looking at her little sister. “how’s that sound, baby?”

“sounds good to me.” audrey grinned

“good, now it’s time for lunch and you need to eat. i’ll get you some tylenol too for your head.” rafe grabbed audrey’s hands and pulled her to her feet before wrapping his arm around her

audrey chuckled at his care, which was a stark contrast to the way he was a couple of years ago. the group headed back over to their spot and continued with their beach day.

they ended the night back at rafe and audrey’s house, utilizing the large patio with a fire pit and comfortable chairs placed all around it. as audrey held her marshmallow over the fire, she looked around and realized just how lucky she is to have these people in her life.

to have people who care and will always be there for you.

#outer banks #rafe cameron x sister!reader #sarah cameron x sister!reader #the pogues #the pogues x reader #rafe cameron #sarah cameron #john b routledge #jj maybank #kiara carrera #pope heyward #cleo

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bwat5-blog · 3 days ago

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Did Jinx Love Vi?

**Spoilers For All Of Arcane**

Okay. First let me say I am not here to attack or insult Jinx. The title is literally just addressing the question I'm hoping to answer so.. put down the torches and pitchforks. I recently had a very nice short talk with someone on one of their posts, and it was primarily to do with this issue of how Jinx treats Vi in the show. And in truth, I share a lot of their feelings. For the most part, we never really get a moment of Jinx outwardly showing any sympathy or kindness to Vi at all until almost the end. As I always do for clarity let me be crystal clear. Vi is my favorite character. But I think most people watching objectively can agree she tries really fucking hard for the people she loves and gets kicked in the teeth almost constantly.

*Not writing in my usual spot to look up these quotes so some may be paraphrased*

" Never thought my sister would turn blue-belly"- Literally there because of what Jinx did

"I'm a hero. I busted half of Zaun out of prison while you were passed out at the bottom of a mug"- Vi completely spiraling after losing literally everyone she loves and Jinx knowing full well she didn't step in for Zaun until they took Isha

" She used to be pretty cool, til I kicked her ass"- literally the fight where Jinx lured Vi down there hoping to die and it ended with her on her back urging Vi to finish her.

Smirks at Vi when Vi sees the Mural of her and Vander. Even though Jinx literally betrayed everything Vander ever stood for and considers the man who murdered Vander and caused the deaths of their brothers her father. All while Vi is nowhere to be seen.

Now, there is obviously history between them, Jinx has her reasons to be angry just like Vi does. NEITHER ARE PERFECT. But these few examples are not exaggerated or spun. And they are just a few of many. It can really come off like Jinx just does NOT care what happened to Vi at all:

Seven years in Stillwater undergoing god knows what kind of hell

Almost killed getting back to her in the undercity before being taken by firelights

Almost killed by Jinx on the bridge

Almost killed by Silco at the same event where she begs Cait for Jinx life and Jinx responds by murdering Caitlyn's mother

Has clearly been driven so far by Jinx's actions and what has happened that she becomes Enforcer

Abandoned by Caitlyn and on self-destructive spiral that will very likely kill her because Caitlyn has lost her self after everything Jinx has done to her.

However, I think there are some things we need to remember to better understand this issue:

Jinx is severely mentally ill. I know this is obvious. But it matters because everything she says and does is filtered through a different lens than the average person.

Jinx hates herself and in season 2 especially, wants to die until she bonds with Isha. She gives us evidence of this repeatedly but the moment I most remember is when she meets Isha for the very first time and describes knowing she could die at any time as the best feeling in the world. Then goes on to associate herself with cursing a a sister, a family or a society, I think it was.

"I'm losing my snappy comebacks"- Part of Jinx's whole schtick is verbally lashing out. She mocks everyone, at all times, for any reason. It doesn't make it kind or right. It's just what she does. She also absolutely knows precisely what to say to piss her sister off. Like any good little sister would. Additionally, you may be the person yourself but if not, we all know that person whose defense mechanism is cruel or sarcastic words. While Jinx is plenty dangerous, more often than not when she feels insulted/threatened/uncomfortable she goes for the death blow verbally.

Considering all of that, while there are moments I wish she could have shown Vi alittle more kindness and love, especially with how much Vi loves her, I think Jinx's love for Vi remains constant throughout the show, even if her motormouth sometimes makes it hard to see:

The Reunion:

Even after all the terrible things in their childhood, including the incident for which Vi carries so much guilt and some of the fandom think a fifteen year old Vi should have been crucified for, this is how their reunion starts. Vi apologizes immediately and embraces her. Jinx is crying and ashamed of how she has changed but Vi accepts her and loves her. It only goes wrong when Jinx sees Caitlyn, and why is she mad at Caitlyn who she has never seen or met?

Cyclops and lefty to the rescue. Silco to turn Jinx against Vi and Sevika intentionally trying to damage Jinx's mental health, both of these figures poison Jinx against Caitlyn ruining the next several times they get close. But all throughout that series of events we see Jinx trying to overpower the voices in her head because she knows Vi loves her, and she loves VI. Just unfortunately, she does not win.

2. Seeing Vi As An Enforcer:

Now this isn't a happy moment of course. But Jinx isn't so distraught at seeing Vi in the uniform because she doesn't care about Vi. She is seeing what she believes is the total rejection of her by the last person she has who loves her and who she loves, all wrapped up in the package that killed her parents

3. Jinx VS Vi:

Even during the fight Jinx wanted to end in her death, when Isha gets involved and sticks a gun in Vi's face Jinx IMMEDIATELY screams no.

4. Jinx At the Pit:

If you slow down the cinematic of Vi's time in the pit, is actually shown a few times not just the once. Now I admit this is head-canon and probably the least provable one of these. But I don't think Jinx would have show up again and again to take pleasure in or mock Vi's pain. I think she was just checking on her in the best way her mind knew how.

5. Vander:

I already mentioned how their last interaction went, and the fact that Jinx came to Vi anyway to try and rebuild their family knowing full-well Vi would likely want to kill her is impressive and a clear sign of JInx's desire for them all to be together again.

There are plenty more examples to either point (particularly the MASSIVE example of how Jinx feels about vi in the end of the show), this was quick and not my usual quality. But the thought struck me and I wanted to jump on it. Feel free to share your thoughts same/different or otherwise, I appreciate all of you who take time out of your day to read my thoughts. Even when they are quick and slap-dash like this.

The story of these sisters is one that for me, will live on forever. Have a great day.

#arcane #arcane season 2 spoilers #vi arcane #jinx arcane #vi and jinx #powder #arcane vi

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my-rose-tinted-glasses · 3 days ago

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Rose Recaps 2024 - Rose-Tinted Glasses

Post your most popular and/or favourite edit/gifset/analysis for each month (it’s okay to skip months!) @troubled-mind made her own year summary, and I wanted to play to. I want to look back and see what I did and kinda give myself a pat on the back. I've been feeling not that inspired about giffing lately so this might help.

January

Most Popular: Myungha is all of us

Favourite: The Glitch

This one took me a long time to make but I had so much fun. It was a request and I immediately knew what I wanted it to look like, adding the red flare, but then I actually had to make it, which is when I get in trouble, because there are only so many hours in the day and I'm never happy. But I'm really happy with this one.

February

Most Popular: Is the magic gone? - Cherry Magic Thailand, EP 11

Favourite: The End

Yes, it's Love for Love's Sake again. I adore this set. I just love how it turned out. I had a good time trying to get the look I wanted. And of course, them. I love them.

March

Most Popular: S01E06 | S02E06 | S03E06 - Young Royals

Favourite: "So, I've been searching all this time…for someone who would polish off that dish with me."

This show changed me and healed me and it all started here. I love this show too much for words, but I did try to explain my love for it in my second favourite post from this month. It's magic.

April

Most Popular: Silent Screaming - Unknown, EP 9

Favourite: Ok this isn't exactly my post or just one but all the answers from #Rose's Day of Asks, April 2nd. It was just so much fun to go on a ask spree, and get to know some people better and get show recs and just generally interact more. It broke my brain a little but it was such a fun day for me. Also it was a fun excuse to just ask questions, because sometimes I feel awkward dropping by someone's inbox to ask some random question. May

Most Popular: Domesticity - Unknown, EP 12

Favourite: "The ocean is for contemplating things bigger than we are..."

This is such a special set to me. I did it as a gift to the always kind @twig-tea and I love it a lot. She loves the sea and so do I, so to work with it in different shows and just look at it while I was making this set was such a treat for me as well. This was the post that started it.

June

Most Popular: Oyei & Cher - Wandee Goodday, EP 6

Favourite: The 25:00 in Akasaka running.

This show got me so bad. This post basically started because of @lurkingshan tags on another post and then because @colourme-feral asked me about who would do the running in the inevitable running to the beloved moment. And it was fun discussion with great additions from @lurkingshan here and @emotionallychargedtowel take here.

July

Most Popular: Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko, EP1

Favourite: Zettai BL is back!!!

I had a blast giffing this show. It was just great seeing my faves again and getting a new fave in Hatano. Many thanks to @ikeoji-subs for making it possible for us to watch it.

August

Most Popular: 'Friendship is nice, isn't it?' - I Hear the Sunspot, EP 8

Favourite: Rose Watches OJBL - The Novelist: Playback (2021)

Never was I happier to have started the ojbl project that when I finished this series. I love it so much. And this project is dying down because I've seen most of the good ones, and will make my way through others more slowly that I had before. But this project was definitely one of my personal highlights from last year.

September

Most Popular: THE Kiss - The Time of Fever, EP 4

Favourite: 'You've grown up well, Go Hotae.'

I am so critical of my work but damn do I love this set so much. The colours just make me so happy. And them of course. No secret that I absolutely lost my mind with them.

October

Most Popular: The amazing Nam Yoon Su - Love In The Big City, EP 1

Favourite: So I've been thinking about time.

The day I was so smart. I was very proud of myself for figuring this out. It seems silly now, but it was driving me crazy and I felt really good when I finally cracked it. This show also occupied so much of my brain.

November

Most Popular: Parallels LITA - Love in the Air Koi, EP 1

Favourite: Love in the Big City by Sang Young Park | PART THREE

This show gave me so much pain, but it got me doing something different. I really loved making these. And this one was the best of one. I am so rusty using photoshop that it was a challenge at first, and it took ages but it was also really fun. I love these edits a lot.

December

Most Popular: Panther Eyes - Caged Again, EP 6

Favourite: Miseinen parallels - Episode 1 | Episodes 1, 2, 4, 5, 6

I had been paying attention to the places Jin was visiting in the first episode to spot them when they appeared again, so i was very happy when I was finally able to collect them all.

Well that's it for yearly recaps I guess. I feel like I'm getting better at this giffing thing and also writing some thoughts down, even if I still feel intimidated by some people. I had fun here last year and I hope this one continues to be great. I just need to find some inspiration and start giffing again properly. Have a wonderful year everybody! 💜

Also, if anyone wants to do this consider yourself tagged! and you can use this site where you can look for your top posts of each month.

#Rose Recaps 2024 #top posts of 2024 #rose's favourite things #rose rambles

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itsnotnina · 4 months ago

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back-to-school thoughts

When I was a kid, the end of the summer holidays always brought around a wave of excitement. As much as I loved the six weeks we got off, going back to school was a whole new level of excitement. Going back to school meant a new start (I think my brain still functions on a September-to-September calendar), seeing friends I hadn't seen in all summer, and the opportunity to reinvent myself.

I would spend hours upon hours watching 'DIY stationery tutorials' and 'What's in my Bag' videos to try and recreate my image in the days leading up to the beginning of the year. I'd collect all my newest pens and pencils (which I would inevitably lose before the Christmas holidays) and pack my bag and anxiously wait for 8am the next morning so I could run off to school.

I couldn't wait to see which teachers I'd have, who was in my classes, and how I'd stack up against the milestones of getting older.

Now - as an adult in university who pretty much hated her last few years of school - the last few weeks of summer are rife with stress. The simplicity of childhood excitement has been replaced with a complicated cocktail of deadlines, money stress, and the pressure to constantly perform.

Yeah, university can be fun. I love my friends, I love my freedom, and I love the satisfaction of achieving my dreams. But the joy of learning that I felt when I was younger often feels crushed beneath an avalanche of essays, group projects, and the constant mental math of wondering where this takes me.

I sometimes think about the younger version of me - who read academic journals for fun - and wonder if I'll ever recapture the carefree excitement of a new academic year.

Maybe it’s not about recreating that feeling but reimagining it. It’s not about colourful pencil cases or new backpacks anymore (although, I love me a nice, new notebook or some cute pens). It’s about finding small joys in the chaos - coffee with friends, a doughnut during exam season - and reminding myself that growth, no matter how daunting, is worth it.

So here’s to all of us still navigating education, whether you are at school or university. I hope that this year is the best it could possibly be, no matter what your best looks like.

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lovelizards · 3 days ago

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"Well well, if it isn't the beggar baron's little flower..."

Lord Daniel's body pressed against her back, pinning her against the wall and leaning so close to the shell of her ear that she could feel his breath.

His hand brushed against her arm, cajoling her, and though his voice was honey sweet she knew better than to trust any man who came by her father's invitation.

"Good afternoon, my lord," she murmured, every inch of her going ice cold and dead, like something left by the tide on a rocky shore.

"Lady Iris, you look absolutely ravishing today. If I had more time, I would have asked for the honour of taking a walk through your lush gardens."

She felt him press in further, and braced her hands against the wall to steady herself, her head bowed, and vacant eyes on the floor.

"What a shame," she said, "I am also terribly busy. Perhaps another time."

"A shame indeed..."

The son of the Count who lorded over their territory, a rampant deviant, a rake, with a sharp and unpredictable temper. Why did her father have to borrow so much money from him? What was she supposed to do against such a powerful -

"Hey shithead-!"

Lord Daniel made a choking sound in anger, and his looming shadow moved away - finally allowing her to breathe. Iris recognized the voice very well, and glanced down the hall to see her rescuer stomping towards them.

Mabel - the daughter of her father's falconer, and a close friend since childhood. Her fiery hair was wild around a pale face smudged with dirt and entirely covered in freckles, like a starry night sky.

"Wh - what the devil did you just -?!" Lord Daniel could barely get the words out, before Mabel pushed herself in between him and Iris, puffing herself up - despite only reaching to his shoulders - and putting her fists on her hips.

"What are you doing here again?!" She shouted, her voice echoing through the halls and drawing the attention of some servant on the far end, "How many times do I need to tell you fuck off?!"

"You dirty little brat, how dare you speak to me like -!"

"Don't you take your anger out on me! It's not my fault the gods gave you the curse of incompetence and blond hair!"

Lord Daniel's face was mottled with heated embarrassment. The sound of stifled laughter came whispering down the hall. With an exhale of outrage - the feathers in his cap drooping into his face - he furiously turned from the two and rushed out of the annex.

Once he was gone, Mabel turned to Iris, her anger melting into worry; "My Lady - why do you let that bastard near you? You only need to scream once, and the guards would -"

"But my father owes him so much money..." Iris interjected. It was an argument they often had, "I can't afford to send him away myself, what if...what if father decides..."

"That would never happen!" Mabel insisted, taking her hands up and holding them tightly, "I would never let you be traded to pay any debt. Didn't you already say you'd marry me one day?"

Iris gave her a weary smile.

She remembered that day well, when the two of them were no more than seven and eight years old. Hiding from Iris' tutors in the rose bushes, the thorns tearing up their clothes.

"And didn't I already tell you that you're no more beholden to a child's whims than I am?"

Mabel huffed a sigh, but Iris could tell she wasn't really annoyed, because her ears always flushed pink when she was happy.

"Come on, then. Let's go visit Lady Ribbons, she'll cheer you up."

Mabel took her hand, and started leading her down the hall.

"That's so embarrassing! Please stop calling her that!"

'Lady Ribbons' was what Iris had named her silver falcon when she was a child, but as an adult she called the bird Rimona. Mabel would never let her forget it, though.

Sometimes Iris wondered if her friend was stuck in the past, somewhere far away, in her own little world. It seemed like such a nice place, a past full of the smell of flowers and feeling of warm sun on her face.

"It's a cute name! Just like you! Come on!"

"Alright, alright, I'm coming."

#whump #whump art #whump writing #whump community #whumpblr #female whumpee #lady whump #wlw #lesbians #god i love women #digital art #also i tried to do something like tudor-esque with these outfits #but please don't come for me i am a lizard and i dont know what im doing it all made up and the points dont matter #i used a reference from pinterest again for the pose #IrisMabel

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cosyvelvetorchid · 7 hours ago

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For One Night Only.. Maybe chapter 4 is up!

Read on Ao3 or below

Enjoy!

🩶

Rating: G (for this chapter)

W/C: 3,852

Summary:

It's New Years eve and after talking with Maddie and Eddie Buck realises his feelings.

**********

“Uncle Buck!” Jee yelled excitedly, hurtling towards Buck the second he walked through the door. He opened his arms wide for her to jump into and picked her up.

“My favourite girl! Did you have a good Christmas with Grandma and Grampa?” She gave a big nod in response. “Well that’s good to hear. Did Santa bring you lots of nice things?”

“A pony!”

“A pony?! I don’t think a point would fit in your room.”

“Not a real pony, silly.” She giggled. She wiggled in his arms to get down and he put her back on the ground. She immediately ran towards her room.

“Welcome back.” He greeted Maddie with a hug.

“Thanks. Coffee?”

“Uh, sure.” He followed her into the kitchen. “So, come on, tell me the truth now that they can’t hear you on the phone—how was it?”

“Surprisingly, calm.”

“Really?”

“Uh-huh. I mean they of course criticised Jee’s bedtime, what we fed her for breakfast, oh and my choice of Christmas sweater-“ she rolled her eyes. “But, all in all they were actually pretty well behaved.”

“Did they, uh.. did they say anything about me?” He asked, expecting to hear the usual criticism.

“Actually mom said she misses you.” Buck raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, I know it surprised me too.”

“She misses me.” He said not quite believing it.

“Yep.”

“Wow.” They looked at each both laughed at the absurdity of their mother actually admitting how she felt.

“How were they with Chim?”

“Dad actually started calling him Chimney, if you can believe that.”

“You’re kidding?”

“Nope.” Maddie shook her head “When they talked about you they called you Buck, too.”

“Took them long enough.” He scoffed.

“I missed you there.” She said after a moment.

“I know.” He looked at her. “I-I know they’re getting better and I’m glad, but.. I’m not ready to act all happy families with them yet.”

“I understand.” She smiled. “How was Christmas at Tommy’s? I’m surprised you didn’t spend it with Bobby and Athena to be honest.”

“I was going to but Tommy was going to be alone most of the day. I get the feeling he doesn’t have anybody other than his aunt.”

“Has he not mentioned any friends?”

Buck shook his head. “Not really. He talks about the people he works with, and he likes them, but they’re not close—not like the 118 are anyway.”

“You’re always trying to save people.” She said. She wasn’t being accusatory, just stating a fact.

“He doesn’t need saving, Maddie—I just hated the idea of him being on his own for Christmas. It’s the time you’re supposed to spend with people you care about.” He explained. “But it was nice. I cooked us dinner and we spent the day watching movies. Pretty chill.”

Buck had kept his word and cooked them both a roast turkey with all the trimmings. Tommy had stubbornly refused to let him do all of the work so Buck had delegated the vegetable preparation to him.

They’d stood side by side in Tommy’s kitchen in their respective aprons, singing along to Christmas music as they worked. Buck was surprised to find out that Tommy had a beautiful singing voice and had tried to convince him to come along to one of Chim’s karaoke nights. Tommy steadfastly refused but Buck hadn’t given up and was determined to convince him eventually.

Tommy was the most relaxed Buck had seen him since they’d met. They’d laughed and joked, ate good food and drank good wine, and by the time Clara had arrived in the early evening they were a little tipsy.

But they were aware enough to switch into boyfriend mode as soon as she walked in the door.

Tommy moved from his previous position at the end of the sofa to the middle so he was closer to Buck. Their legs were against each others and Tommys arm was along the back of the sofa behind Bucks head.

Every so often his arm would slip down across Bucks shoulder and each time Buck relaxed into him. Slowly bucks eyes got heavier and he fell asleep with his head on Tommys shoulder.

Tommy gently woke him up some time later and ushered him upstairs to his bedroom.

“You don’t have to stay here.” He’d said. “But with my aunt in the guest room, you’d either have to go home or sleep on the sofa.”

“That might look suspicious.” Buck had said.

Tommy then changed in to pyjama pants and a T-shirt and Buck had opted to stay in the sweats he was wearing and they got into his bed. Buck laid on his back and Tommy on his side facing away from Buck.

It was silent for a while until Tommy spoke. He reached behind himself until he found Bucks hand and held it gently.

“Thank you, Evan.” He had whispered in the dark; his voice thick with sleepiness.

“For what?”

“Best Christmas I’ve ever had.” He lightly squeezed Bucks hand before sleep quickly took over his consciousness and his hand loosened but didn’t fall out of Bucks.

Buck had laid still; his hand still holding Tommy’s, listening to his soft breathing. It was pitch dark in the room so Buck hadn’t been able to see what Tommy looked like in his sleeping state but he couldn’t help picturing his face soft and relaxed. He sighed deeply trying to calm the flutter in his stomach at the image.

He thought about why this could be Tommys best Christmas. All they did was eat and drink and hang out—it wasn’t exactly a raging party. He thought about his own sad Christmas’s as a child and wondered if Tommy had experienced something similar. He knew that Tommy had loved with Clara for a while and that his dad was homophobic, but beyond that Buck knew nothing about Tommy’s childhood.

Eventually he had drifted off into sleep still holding Tommys hand.

“Uncle Buck, look!”

Buck turned to see Jee dragging a giant stuffed pink pony, bigger than herself, across the floor.

“Woah!” He cried out. “Santa really did he you a pony, huh?”

“You should have seen Chim carrying that through the airport.” Maddie laughed.

“It’s probably bigger than him!” Buck joked.

“Hey.” Maddie lightly chastised with a soft whack to his arm.

Buck sat down on the floor and laid against the giant pink fluffy horse. Jee immediately jumped on top of him causing to let out an “oomf!”. She giggled as he bounced her up and down on his legs.

“Stop me if I’m being too intrusive but-“

“Since when has stopping you ever actually stopped you?” Buck said back to her.

Maddie ignored his response. ��Have you met someone?”

Buck stilled from bouncing Jee. “What? No. What- w-why would you ask that?”

“Just.. I don’t know, these last couple of months you’ve been- you’ve seemed more.. at ease. Little bit more settled, maybe.”

She wasn’t wrong. He had been feeling like his life was becoming some more of what he wanted it to be. He loved his job—even on the bad days, he had his 118 family, Maddie and his niece whom he adored. His culinary skills had never been better thanks to Bobby and now he had Tommy in his life.

This amazing firefighter pilot that he still couldn’t believe was his friend.

Being around Tommy was easy. He never felt like he was in the way when he was around him; that his presence was wanted. They shared the same witty banter and playful insults, could read each others body language and when they had to pretend to be dating, they fell into it with such ease that there were moments when Buck had to remind himself that Tommy wasn’t actually his boyfriend.

Buck loved Eddie. He loved Bobby and Hen and Chim and Karen and Athena. And they loved him, he knew that, he felt that. But they all had the tendency sometimes to treat him like a child. Or an over excited Labrador that needed a whack on the nose occasionally.

Tommy never did that. Tommy let him be Evan. Tommy gave him a space to show every part of himself without fear of judgment or condescension. He accepted Evan flaws and all.

For the first time in his life Buck was beginning to feel like Evan was enough.

“I guess I am.”

“What’s changed?” She asked.

“I’ve just been feeling more myself self lately.”

“Does this have anything to do with Tommy?” She had a knowing look that Buck wasn’t sure was about.

“Uh, yeah. Kind of. We-we’ve become really good friends. I feel like.. like he really sees me, ya know?”

Maddie looked at him for a beat and tilted her head. “Is that all?”

“Wha-what else is there?” He asked.

“I just- Look, you know I love you, right?”

“Yeah. I love you too, Maddie. And I love you the most!” He tickled Jee still sat in his lap on the floor.

“And you know that no matter what I will always love you. And always accept you. Whoever you are.” She raised her eyebrows as though they somehow sent a message that Buck wasn’t getting.

“Thank you..?” He said confused.

“I’m just saying that you will always be my brother and however you feel about.. certain things.. I will always support you. No matter what. Don’t ever forget that.”

“Are you talking about Tommy and I?” He asked and she nodded. “We’re just friends.” He told her.

“Right, but if you were more than that, that would okay.”

“A-actually there’s.. there’s something I should tell you.”

“Oh really?” She said, smiling.

“It’s not what you think.” He said. “Okay, it’s kind of what you think but not-“ He stopped himself and took a breath. “He and are in a kind of fake relationship.”

“Fake?”

“We’re pretending to be in one so his aunt stops trying to set him up with men.” He explained.

“Buck.” She said in that admonishing tone.

“It’s fine, okay. I don’t mind. And-and Clara is actually really cool for an old lady.”

“So, you’re pretending to be together?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. How does that work? What do you.. do?” She raised a curious eyebrow.

“Nothing like that.” He waved his hand. “We just- we act like we normally do as friends, but also hold hands sometimes, put an arm around each other, sometimes kiss each other-“ Maddie's eyes opened wider “on the cheek.”

“Right.” She said looking skeptical. “Well, whatever he is to you, you do seem happier.” She smiled softly.

“I am.”

*****

Somehow the 118 A shift had managed to also New Year’s Eve off this year and Bobby and Athena were going to hosting a party for everyone. Eddie and was flying back to attend and Tommy and Buck were driving to pick them up.

“What’s your New Year’s resolution?” Buck asked as they drove along the freeway.

“Do I look like the kind of guy that makes New Year’s resolutions?”

“No, but you don’t look like a guy who has the voice of an angel either.”

Tommy scoffed. “Evan, I am not doing karaoke no matter how much you bug me about it.”

“I didn’t say anything!” He protested.

“Uh-huh.”

Buck laughed. “Seriously, you don’t believe in resolutions?”

“I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume that you do?”

“I mean.. yeah. I feel like the new year is like a fresh start, ya know? A chance to look at where your life is and who you are and maybe chance some things.”

“You don’t need a new year to do that—you can change any time you want.” Tommy countered.

“I guess. But there’s something about a brand new year that feels good. It’s stupid I know.”

“Hey, it’s not stupid. If it’s something you like to do then that’s okay. Just because it’s not my thing doesn’t mean it can’t be yours. Tell me—what are your New Year’s resolutions?”

Buck turned in the passenger seat to face Tommy a little. “I definitely want to be more disciplined in the gym.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s hard not to want to be when one of your best friends is built like a tank.” He reached out and gently squeezed Tommys upper arm.

Did Tommy hear that right? Evan just referred to him as one of his best friends?

“Best friend?” He questioned.

“Well, yeah.” He said earnestly.

Tommy felt mixed emotions at that. A part of him felt privileged that someone like Evan would see him that way. Truthfully—and perhaps pathetically—he’d never had a best friend before. It was entirely his own doing—he’d never let anybody get close enough to him to build that kind of bond with someone. But Evan was just so easy to know it was no wonder he burrowed himself into Tommys life so easily.

But, there was a large part of him that felt disappointed. And sad. He knew that Evan was straight, but that didn’t stop Tommy from developing.. something towards him. But despite knowing Buck was straight there was that little delusional side of his brain that hoped that maybe he wasn’t entirely.

It didn’t help that on numerous occasions he’d wondered if Evan was flirting with him. The way he looked at Tommy or playfully insulted him had him thinking that, although it was an incredibly small chance, maybe it meant something.

But hearing Evan referring to him as a best friend put an end to those hopes. It wasn't like Evan was a consolation prize--he was a wonderful man to know. But it still stung to have it confirmed that he saw Tommy as nothing more than a friend.

“Good.” He said smiling at his passenger. There was no doubt his hopes had been dashed, but he really was still grateful to have met Evan and have him in his life.

Buck regretted calling Tommy one of his best friends as soon as the words came from his mouth. He wasn’t lying—he really did see Tommy as one of his best friends. But what he felt for Tommy was more than that.

When they weren’t together he thought him constantly; always wondering what he was doing and counting down the hours or days until they saw each other next. He’d turn his head on the street when somebody walked past wearing the same cologne. Every time his phone would ping his heart would light up hoping it was a text from him.

And there had been numerous times when they were alone he’d honestly thought Tommy was flirting with him. And every time he’d feel his stomach flutter and his skin flush with heat. As much as their romantic relationship was fake, he couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like if it were real.

But Tommy seemed happy with the best friend designation, and Bucks hope of Tommy liking him were slashed.

“Welcome back.” Buck greeted Eddie with a hug.

“I didn’t realise you were bringing your boyfriend.” Eddie said hugging Tommy.

“You told him?” Tommy asked Buck, surprised.

“I had to! If Clara came over and saw the two of you rolling around in your garage she might say something about me.”

“There’s no rolling, Evan—it’s called sparing.”

“Thank you!” Eddie added.

Buck rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

“If you want I can spar with you sometime. I might even go easy on you.” Tommy said playfully nudging Buck with his elbow.

“Hey, I don’t need you to go easy on me!” Buck protested. “I reckon I could take you.”

“Oh really?”

“Is this what you guys are like around Clara?” Eddie asked.

“What are you talking about?” Asked Buck.

Eddie looked at them for a second before shaking his head. “Nothing. What time is Bobbys party?”

“Uh, 8 o’clock.”

“Do we have to bring anything?” Eddie asked.

“I’m bringing some beer.” Tommy answered.

“And I’ve made a large batch of brownies.” Added Buck.

“Are they the chocolate fudge ones?” Tommy asked.

Buck nodded. “Yup.”

“Remind me to hide a couple of those before everybody eats them.”

“No need—there’s an extra batch in my fridge for you.”

Tommy smiled warmly at the thoughtful gesture as Bucks phone pinged in his pocket.

“It’s Bobby—he wants us to pick up a few things for him for the party.”

“Alright. We can stop on the way back to Eddie’s.” Tommy suggested.

The three of them walked into the grocery store and Tommy went off to pick up the wine he said he’d bring leaving Eddie and Buck to get the things Bobby needed.

“So.” Eddie began as they walked along the meet aisle. “You and Tommy.”

“What about us?” Eddie simply raised his eyebrows at him. “What?” Buck repeated.

“You said this relationship you were in was fake.”

“It is.”

“And the flirting?”

“What flirting?” Buck asked throwing a few packs of pork chops into the basket.

“At the airport.” Eddie reminded him.

“What? That-that wasn’t flirting.”

“Buck. I’ve seen you flirt. On the job and off—that was textbook flirtatious Buck.”

Buck rolled his eyes. “Shut up. It was not.”

It wasn’t intended to be at least. Was it possible to flirt without realising it? Historically, Buck was great at flirting. He knew how to use his words, his tone, his body language—every move he made was intentional. But that was with women.

He’d never actively flirted with a man before. He liked Tommy, there was no doubt about that anymore, but Tommy thought of him a friend only. So why would Buck flirt with him?

Eddie knew what Buck looked like when he was having an internal debate and threw him a lifeline.

“If you say you’re not flirting then you’re not flirting. But for the record, it wouldn’t change a thing between us.” He placed a hand on Bucks shoulder. “Okay?”

Buck wasn’t ready to talk about his confusing, and clearly unreciprocated feelings yet, but he appreciated Eddie’s sentiment.

“Thanks.”

“You guys got what you need?” Tommy came up from behind lugging a basket full of wine bottles.

“Uh, yeah.” Buck replied. “We got everything.”

*****

By 10pm the party was in good spirits. Music was playing—at “an acceptable volume so people can have an actual conversation” as per Athena’s instruction, the dining table, formally covered in food, was half empty and everyone was dotted around the house in various conversations.

Hen and Karen were in the kitchen with Athena, Chim and Tommy were reminiscing with Bobby about the 118, and Maddie and Eddie were playfully arguing over what music to play.

Buck was leaning against the fireplace wall watching Tommy. He couldn’t help it. The way his mouth moved when he spoke, the little twitches in his eyebrows when reacting to something Bobby was saying and those beautiful creases around his eyes when he smiled.

He was mesmerising.

“Earth to Buck.” Eddie snapped his fingers in front of Bucks face.

Buck shoved Eddie’s hand away. “What?”

“Alright.” Eddie said. “Come with me.”

“Where?

“Outside. Come on.”

Buck glanced over at Tommy again who caught his eye and smiled before focusing back on what Chim was talking about. Eddie slid the glass door open and closed it again behind them.

“What’s going on?” Buck asked.

“You and Tommy.”

“We’ve had this conversation, Eddie.” Buck moved to open the door again by Eddie stepped in front of him.

“And this time you’re going to tell me the truth.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Buck, I can practically see the hearts floating around your head like a damn cartoon every time you look at the guy.”

“I-“ Buck wanted to argue back that Eddie was wrong but what was the point? He gave in with a sigh, walking over to one of the day beds and sitting down. Eddie followed suit and sat across from him.

“It doesn’t matter anyway.”

“Why?”

“Because he.. Were friends. He’s made it clear that’s all he sees me as.” He admitted.

“But you want more?”

“I dunno, I- We’re.. Yeah. I do.” He sipped from his beer bottle and picked at something imaginary on his jeans.

He looked at Tommy through the window and sighed. He was grateful to be friends with him and if that’s all he could have of him, he’d gladly take it. But he couldn’t pretend that he wasn’t sad that that’s all he could have of him.

“I gotta say I didn’t think that this is where your interest would lie.” Eddie said.

“What, Tommy?”

“No, I mean guys in general.” He clarified.

“I didn’t either. I love women—I’ve always loved women.”

“How long have you been leaning in the other direction?”

“I haven’t. N-not specifically.” He said. “I mean, sure I’ll check out a hot guys ass but that’s normal.”

Eddie gave him a weird look before it shifted into recognition. “Oh my god!”

“What?”

“When we were in Texas helping out the 126. There was something about the way you were talking to that guy. What was his name. Uh…”

“TK?”

“TK. Yes. The way you were talking to him. Looking back now you were totally flirting with him.”

“I was not!” Buck protested. “And didn’t you say earlier that you know when I’m flirting?”

“Yeah, now—I didn’t know then as well as I do now. Now I can spot it a mile away.” He sipped his beer. “Trust me—you were flirting.”

Looking back, Buck did think that TK was good looking. He was exceedingly competent at his job and competency was always something that he found attractive in the women he liked. Between his skills as a firefighter, the love his team had for him and the fact that he was willing to fly into a forest fire to save somebody he loved, Buck had thought that he was jealous of TK. Maybe it was actually a crush.

“I'm curious--what is it about Tommy?” Eddie asked.

Buck again looked towards Tommy then back at Eddie. “He’s just so cool, and-and confident. He has a cleft.” He couldn’t help the corner of his mouth rising. “He’s calm to be around and when he makes fun of me it doesn’t make me feel bad. I feel good when I’m around him.”

“But he doesn’t feel the same about you?” Eddie questioned.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so? Has he actually said he only thinks of you as a friend?”

“I mean.. not technically, but-“

“Have you asked him?” Eddie interrupted.

“No. And I’m not going to, before you ask.”

“Why not?”

“Because the chances of him liking me are slim and-and I’m not going to humiliate myself and ruin our friendship in the process.” He shook his head. “No. Trust me, it’s better that things stay as they are between us. As friends.”

“Look, Buck, I think that you-“

The glass door slid open and Tommy stood with his phone in his hand and a pained expression on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Buck immediately stood up.

“That was the hospital. It’s Clara.”

“What happened? Is she okay?”

“She.. she had a heart attack.”

**********

#911 abc #911 #911onabc #tommy kinard #bucktommy #911 buck #evan buckley #buck x tommy #evan buck buckely #bucktommy fic #bucktommyfic #tevan #tevan fic #bucktommy au #bucktommy alternate meet #cvo writes

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thetiedyedwitch · 2 days ago

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Ok. So very THIS, but. Back story. When I was probably 6, I didn't know it, but Mama's mom had been diagnosed with terminal emphysema from complications of asthma, living with wood stoves almost all her life. There were other little bits, but idt the doctors knew much of how to care for her at that time. (Almost 40 years ago, medicine has vastly grown since then). So grandpa used to walk across the street with me to buy something small and have some bonding time with me, to the corner market. One time when I didn't know anything about what was wrong, we walked as usual. But when we got there, I saw a crane machine with stuffed animals (all stuffies and dolls and such I've always called Babies). So I looked at it and found out it took 50¢. I asked grandpa for the two quarters. He and the nice lady at the counter tried to gently let me know in a little kid version of :that game is rigged and it's almost certain you won't win anything'. They were all heavily skewed towards cheating at that time, including the crane claws not physically made strong enough to hold most of the prices inside. I adamantly told them with complete surety that I'm going to get that bear for Mama. Grandpa gave me the quarters. I took a minute to assess the way the Babies were squished together, then carefully got the crane in place and released the claw. I got the bear on the first try, shocking my two person audience. When we got back home, I gave him to Mama, telling her 'this is Bear Bear. He will help you not be sad, and be happy instead ". He became her buddy for then on. He was deeply beloved by Mama until she died. I call him my "little bro". I also had gotten a new store bought Baby around that time, a little later. We were pretty poor. All my babies came from yard sales. I knew this, and actually love that fact. I knew that the kids didn't want the babies, and I wanted to give them a new home, with love. But there was a specific baby I wanted called Magic Nursery Dolls. granny and grandpa would save a bit of change to give me sometimes when I came over. They started saving the change up for the doll (with my knowledge and appreciation). I finally got to go get one. It was November 24th, 1994. I believe it was thanksgiving day. O bought one that Mama many years later told me that the box was kinda messed up and I remember them all trying to get me to get a different one, but as soon as i saw that baby's face i Knew they were mine. (They had a gender reveal of sorts when you got home.) It ended up that someone must have got that baby, cut her hair, then returned her. The company repackaged her to resell. I didn't care, she was MY baby, Kathlene (spelling on purpose to match a middle name that ran in my family's women). She has been my heart friend ever since. Mama and I had actual WTF experiences to do with Kathlene turning over from facing the wall to facing the hallway when we were in the bathroom doing my hair or something. Mama verified it all the way through her life. I have a witchy belief system that basically some Babies are alive, because we love them so much and put love and energy into them, they get a soul. When I go, I'm going to ask to bury them with me. I've talked to Bear Bear and Kathene about this. I told them that when I die, there will be no reason for them to stay attached to their bodies. And that they can release, and come with us to the afterlife. I believe that⁰ Babies can stay or go soul wise, to the degree we can when we die. I have sat with this belief and point of view for years, examining this belief for holes in the reasoning. I don't feel like they will be alone. I feel like they will release the tethers on their physical bodies like I will. (Like humans).

Ever since I was a child, and up to now, I’ve had an intense love of and empathy for stuffed animals. As an awkward and shy only child, they were my very best friends, and I fully ascribed feelings and souls to them, which I still kinda do today (how tf did my autism *not* get discovered sooner?? Did it really have to take 30 years?), I also sleep with a good number of them.

I’m a mortician (I’m dual-licensed as a funeral director and embalmer, but I’m a lab rat and exclusively keep to the back embalming the bodies), and along with embalming, I also dress and put people in their caskets. Very few things bother me about my work, I love it very much. I can deal with just about any disgusting form the aftermath of death takes, but my heart. Fucking. S h a t t e r s. When a stuffed animal is being buried with the deceased. I know it’s ridiculous, but I just can’t stop thinking of how lonely they’ll be, with their only companion dead and rotting, forever. I like to think the “spirit” of the stuffie moves on to a new vessel to be loved again to soothe these thoughts.

This lady I’m taking care of today is being buried with a stuffed calico cat (it’s one of those heating pad bean plushies you microwave). The cat is held in her folded hands, facing her.

My fucking heart. 💔

#embalming #mortician

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