#I feel like a total mess I'm so tired I constantly feel like I need to cry and have an anxiety attack | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mazeinthemiroh · 2 years ago

Note

If you feel comfortable can you do ateez being OBSESSED with reader's boobs

ateez being obsessed with their s/o's boobs

genre: fluff, suggestive ig?

warnings: not proofread, suggestive but not really - all boob talk in these headcanons are strictly fluffy and non-sexual. just some cute lil boob appreciation :D

a/n: yk what i don't usually do stuff like this but i WILL do this one because boobs need to be appreciated and loved :3

hongjoong

god, he loves them...

so he mainly uses them as pillows

will complain about the ache in his neck a lot because he's been tiring away and hunched over in the studio for hours bless 🤧🤧🤧

and he gives you shiny eyes

"you know what would really help me?"

you already know the answer

so you sigh in defeat as he happily snuggles his head on your chest and just lays there

and its endearing because he has never drifted off to sleep so fast before...

seonghwa

this is so funny because i have seen most to leasts of who is most likely to be a boob guy in ateez and seonghwa is ALWAYS< WITHOUT FAIL on top

like... is this canon??? where you guys getting this info from to collectively agree with each other??

anyways, the rumours are true. he loves 'em

just likes a soft they are

and how they look

and how they feel when he hugs you...

idk he just adores them, you get the idea

yunho

openly adores your boobs

he's a man who knows what he wants, yk?

"life's too short to not love boobs"

a new motto of his. charming.

likes it when you wear clothing that accentuates or complements your boobs

he admires them <33333

also he's tall so you gotta watch out for when he's trying to take a peak which is always

yeosang

will absolutely stare at them mindlessly or when he is bored

you know when some people just zone out

he tends to do that a lot. but why does he have to look at that specific area?? idk you tell me

he just thinks they're nice :)

gets a bit shy when you wear an outfit that shows cleavage

he's constantly trying to reprimand himself like "don't look it's not polite"

all i'm gonna say is that you can totally use his obsession to your advantage hehe

san

he's a very clingy boy

and yk what, idk about you but, i'm here for it

he is a cuddle bug and wants to cuddle into you 25/8

claims your boobs are simply the most comfortable things on the planet

and simply has to be in contact with them in some way whilst you guys snuggle up

he does like being on top of you and having his head on your chest. that's less of a boob-obsession thing and more of a comfort thing. he jsut likes being held and being close to you like that ;-;

idk he's a softie

mingi

i classify this guy as being the number 1 boob appreciator in ateez

there's just something about him

i can just TELL he lovesssss them

more than he should, probably

but we can cut him some slack cos he's cute :]

he tries to be subtle with his admiration for your boobs but he literally isn't fooling anyone

another tall guy to look out for because he can and will stare at your boobs

he can be so obvious sometimes it's actually embarrassing

wooyoung

every time he goes in for a hug, his head ends up on your chest as he hugs you

i have a friend who does that all the time like it's a real thing

it's kinda cute actually

and it's less to piss you off and more because he thinks they are comfy

will also use them as pillows

but likes it when he's the small spoon and he can feel them behind him

idk he's not picky when it comes to this so 🤷

jongho

he thinks he's so slick and prim and proper but the moment he catches a glimpse of your boobs it's over for him

he's surprisingly shy about his love for your boobs

he doesn't know what to do with himself

wants to touch them non-sexually but second guesses himself

'would you find it weird? am i going crazy?'

those are the types of things going through his mind

but he just stays a blushing mess while you're blissfully unaware of the effect you have on him

#ateez #atz #kpop #ateez headcanons #atz headcanons #kpop headcanons #ateez scenarios #ateez reactions #ateez imagines #atz reactions #atz scenarios #atz imagines #atz fluff #ateez fluff #kpop reactions #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop fluff #ateez x reader

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rhaecerys-velaryo · 7 months ago

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LOVESICK Boyfriend pt. 2

TW: Yandere boyfriend, toxic relationship, controlling bf, possessive bf, just not a good relationship altogether, angst, cheating, smidge of physical abu$e if you squint. MDNI

Summary: Oliver feels like shit without you. Good thing his assistant, Lily is there to help him.

Inspired by character made by nipuni on character.ai (link for the character) part one

WC: 1766

Oliver had been a total mess for the past month. He threw himself into his work, trying to distract himself from the pain of losing you. But he couldn't ignore the fact that your absence was a constant torment. The apartment felt empty without your presence. Pictures of the two of you together were reminders of what he had lost. Oliver missed everything about you—your laugh, your touch, your voice.

Lily, Oliver's longtime friend, noticed the change in him. He seemed withdrawn and distracted at work. Oliver wasn't the same cheerful and charming man he used to be. The bags under his eyes spoke volumes about how much sleep he wasn't getting. As his friend, Lily was concerned about Oliver's well-being. So, one day after work, she walked into Oliver's office, closing the door behind her.

"Hey, Olly. Mind if I come in?" she asked sweetly despite already inviting herself in. She slowly walked towards his desk and sat in one of the spare seats in front of him. "You've been a bit different lately. I just wanted to see how you're doing."

Oliver lifted his gaze from his monitor as he heard Lily's voice. He hadn't been expecting anyone to stop by, but he knew Lily well enough to know she wouldn't care about him working. He sat back in his chair and ran a hand through his messy hair.

"I'm fine," he replied, though his tired tone said otherwise.

Lily pouted her thick, glossed lips and gave him a once-over. "You don't look fine. Come on, I'm your bestest friend here. Can't you tell me, or...is it that girlfriend of yours?" She knew that most times she'd hit the jackpot when it came to guessing Oliver's problems. Not a lot got a reaction like this out of him, and one of the few things that did was his girlfriend.

Lily hit the nail on the head as soon as she brought up you. Oliver's shoulders tensed at the mention of you, and he averted his gaze from hers. He knew Lily would pry for answers, but he didn't know if he wanted to reveal the truth. He also knew that even if he tried to lie, Lily would figure it out anyway.

"It's her," he admitted with a sigh.

A small smirk came to her lips before she hid it again. "I'm so sorry, Olly." She reached out to his hand to comfort him. "I can't say I told you...she would never be able to keep up with you." She innocently spoke as she rubbed circles on the back of his hand. "You need someone as lively as you, someone who can keep up with you and your energy, you know?"

As Lily spoke, Oliver couldn't help but feel a pang in his chest. She was right, wasn't she?

In the beginning, you were lively, bubbly, and full of energy. You and he would have a great time together, constantly going out and hanging out. But as the relationship went on, you began to change, and Oliver failed to notice. He found himself agreeing with Lily's words. He did need someone who could keep up with him and his energy.

It was the perfect trap for Lily. "Honestly, Oliver, I don't know what you saw in that girl. I never would have thought of her as your type. You just need someone who knows you and everything about you...like me." She finally snatched the opportunity as she saw the look on Oliver's face, a look that said he was falling for every word she said. Lily leaned forward, getting closer and closer to him as he wondered.

Oliver's eyes flicked over Lily as she kept speaking. She knew him well. She understood him on a level that even you couldn't. Why hadn't he noticed that before?

Oliver felt himself getting lost in her words. She made sense. Lily would be a perfect match for him. Oliver's gaze darkened as his eyes dropped to her lips, thinking about how soft and plump they looked.

Lily leaned in closer until there were just inches between the two of them. She was finally getting what she wanted. "You know, I can't say I never liked you. If I can be frank, I always had a crush on you, Oliver."

The space between them was almost non-existent now. Oliver's heart rate picked up as he realized how close they were to each other. He inhaled sharply, taking in her scent, which was a mix of light citrus perfume and something sweet.

When Lily confessed her feelings for him, it was like a punch to the gut. He felt conflicted. He never viewed Lily as more than a friend, but at the moment, he couldn't find it in himself to reject her. Not when she was so close, and her lips looked so inviting. He swallowed hard.

It was then that the office door opened, unlocked, and in stepped you. You held a bag of katsudon in your hand, a bento box just like you made before. It was his favorite, and you just wanted to drop it by along with some of his things left in your apartment. You should have known better, really. You felt like an idiot as you saw Lily and Oliver centimeters away from a kiss.

As the door opened, both Lily and Oliver's heads jerked towards the sound. Oliver's eyes widened in disbelief, almost as if someone had just thrown ice-cold water at him. Seeing you standing there, holding his favorite food, left him speechless.

Lily, however, had a different kind of reaction. She pulled away from him, her expression turning sour in an instant. "What are you doing here?" she asked with a tone of annoyance as she looked you up and down disdainfully.

You couldn't speak at first, trying to process just what you saw. You knew you were right about her. You were right about everything, but you didn't feel right. You felt disgusted, and your heart felt like someone grabbed it and ripped it out of your chest.

Your eyes hardened, and you walked towards the two before shoving the bento box onto the table. "I was just leaving some of Oliver's things, Lily. Sorry for interrupting you two." Your tone didn't sound sorry. "Although, I'm sure you'd be glad to know that you can have my leftovers now."

Your gaze switched over to Oliver before looking back. "You always were so interested in anything second-handed, if not trash." You gave a final hiss before turning around and leaving.

Lily's eyes widened in shock at your words, her cheeks turning red in anger.

Oliver sat there, stunned. He was still processing the fact that you were standing in front of him after a month, but now you had witnessed him and Lily about to kiss. He quickly snapped out of his daze, the realization of what was happening sinking in. He started to rise from his chair.

"Wait, Belle—" he called out your name, his voice sounding desperate, but you were out the door before he could say anything.

Oliver's heart dropped to his stomach as he watched you walk out the door. He couldn't let you leave, not again. He pushed himself away from his desk and started walking towards the door, determined to catch you. But Lily had other plans.

She grabbed Oliver's arm, stopping him in his tracks. "Where are you going?!"

She was so close. Lily was close, and just at the sight of that girl, Oliver was chasing her with his tail between his legs. She just couldn't understand. "You're not going to actually chase after her, Olly? She insulted you, she insulted me."

Oliver tried to pull his arm away from her grasp, but she held on firmly. The look on his face showed his annoyance at Lily's interruption.

"Let go, Lily." His voice held a hint of irritation.

He was focused on you walking out the door, wanting to follow you. He didn't want to let you go again. Hearing Lily's words, he shot her a glare. "She didn't insult me. She didn't like you."

Lily's face twisted with anger, but Oliver didn't care. He pulled his arm free from her grip and hurried out of the office, determined to find you. The elevator doors were closing as he reached them, and he took the stairs instead, rushing down to the ground floor.

As he exited the building, he spotted you getting into a cab. "Rhae, wait!" he shouted, but the cab was already pulling away. Oliver stood there, breathless and helpless, as he watched the cab disappear down the street. Oliver's heart felt like it was being crushed under the weight of despair. He watched helplessly as the cab you were in got farther and farther away until it disappeared from view. He wanted to reach out to you, to keep you from leaving him again. But he was too late.

Oliver slumped against the wall, feeling a crushing sense of guilt and disappointment. He punched the wall beside him in frustration, regretting ever letting you go the first time.

----------------------------------

You were sitting by your table, looking for new work when a knock came from your door. You weren't really expecting anyone so you were confused as you stood up and went to open the door. The sight of your *ex* boyfriend brought a frown upon your face.

Upon opening the door and seeing Oliver standing on the other side, you felt a mix of emotions. Surprise at his unexpected appearance, but also annoyance. You still hadn't moved on from the painful break-up. You crossed your arms and leaned against the door frame, your expression neutral.

"What are you doing here?" You asked coldly.

Oliver stood there, looking into your eyes with a hint of hope despite your cold expression. He knew he messed up. He knew he was probably the last person you wanted to see. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for your response.

"Can...can we talk? Please?" He asked softly, his voice laced with guilt and remorse.

The audacity You thought as you put on a fake surprised face. "Oh, you want to talk? About what?"

Oliver's shoulders tensed at your response, sensing the sarcastic tone in your words. He knew he had hurt you deeply, and he couldn't blame you for feeling that way. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. His expression looked almost desperate.

"About us." He finally replied, his voice quiet. "I...I need to talk to you about us."

#cheating angst #angst imagines #imagines #controlling boyfriend #begging boyfriend #fanfiction #lovesick series #yandere series #character ai #yandere boyfriend #possessive boyfriend #possessive yandere #lovesick #toxic relationship

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somebluemelodies · 1 year ago

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Cellbit knows something is wrong before he even finishes closing the distance, before he can even see Roier's face.

The spider-hybrid is moving almost sluggishly. Like decorating is taking an effort.

(An effort that it's never taken him before.)

There's no singing, no music.

"Guapito?"

Roier freezes. For a moment, he wonders if he's hearing things. He hasn't seen Cellbit in a week now, not since the celebration, and he's seen all of maybe three total people since then, left to nothing but his own devices and deteriorating mind and slipping composure and-

"Roier?"

Oh. He turns.

Cellbit feels like someone doused him in freezing water, eyes widening. He tries to speak, but the words die on his tongue as he takes in his husband's disheveled appearance.

There are noticeable bags under his eyes, which are devoid of their usual shine. His blue bandana is missing, hair a mess and nearly covering one of his eyes. What starts to alarm him the most, though, is the fact the hybrid looks paler than normal, too.

Roier smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes, despite the stark normalcy of his tone. "Ey, gatinho! I finally see you again!"

"I- What's wrong, guapito? ¿Qué pasó?"

"Hm? Nothing, nothing! I am completely fine, Cellbo! ¡Estoy bien!"

"You're tired-"

(Cellbit would know tired better than most people.)

"I just didn't sleep very well last night, man! No te preocupes. Is all good, I'm fine!" Roier turns back to continue decorating.

Cellbit steps forward, catching his wrist.

(Is he partially at fault for this? Constantly trying to distract himself? Not seeing Roier enough?)

"You're not fine, guapito." Roier is surprised at the gentleness in his voice. How quiet it is. "I can see that; I know you. Talk to me. Por favor."

The spider-hybrid's face falters slightly, but there's still an evident front. "Is- Is nothing, Cellbo..! Just... missing them a little, you know? I'm fine."

He pulls his wrist out of Cellbit's hand, once again moving to turn back. He's stopped by his husband grabbing both of his hands, gently tugging him closer.

"Mirame, guapito." Roier stares past him at a spot on the floor. "Mirame."

(He feels it, inside. He can't look. He knows what'll happen if he looks. He can't let that happen.)

(He's better than that. He has to be.)

"Guapito."

He caves, eyes flicking up. Cellbit's studying him, visibly heartbroken. Don't look at me like that.

Please.

Cellbit lets go of one of Roier's hands, lifts his own up to his husband's face and oh-so-gently tips his chin up. He brushes the hair away from his eye before his hand finally settles carefully on the hybrid's cheek.

His blue eyes are filled with nothing but intense, unadulterated concern. They're on the verge of glassiness.

(Like he could cry.)

Stop looking at me like that.

Don't do this to me.

"You've helped me, now let me help you."

Stop speaking so softly.

"You don't need to deal with this alone."

Stop it. Stop-

"As long as I'm here, you will never be alone."

(Roier's knees buckle. Cellbit catches him.)

#this is my coping mechanism sorry #also sorry these are getting progressively longer #anyway back to missing spiderbit and suffering over qroier #qsmp roier #qsmp cellbit #spiderbit #qsmp #blue writes qsmp

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itsbelvina · 11 months ago

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I've been carrying this weight on my shoulders for so long now. It's like this constant feeling of guilt and disappointment in myself. I keep blaming myself for things that are totally out of my control. Like... I beat myself up for not being the best at my job, for not making my parents proud, for not being there for my friends or my partner when they need me the most.

And it's not just that. There are times when I have to cancel plans because I'm sick or I've had some accident, and even then, I blame myself. I wish I could make everyone understand that all these bad things that happen, they're not what I want. I never mean to mess things up or hurt anyone.

But despite all my efforts, I just can't seem to shake off this feeling. It keeps me up at night, tossing and turning, wondering why does this always happen to me? I try so hard to change, to be better, but it's like I'm stuck in this never-ending cycle.

People always expect me to be the one who understands them, but who's there to understand me? I'm just so tired. Tired of feeling like I'm constantly letting everyone down, tired of trying to keep up this facade that everything's okay when it's not.

I just want to give up sometimes. It feels like I'm fighting a losing battle, and I'm exhausted. I wish I could find a way to make things right, to make peace with myself. But right now, it just feels like I'm drowning in this sea of self-doubt and despair, and I don't know how to swim anymore.

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abyss-presence · 1 year ago

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Hey, can you write Forrest x reader, enemies to friends please?

A/n: Thank you for the request! I hope the setting and reader's personality is to your liking.

Note: no usage of Y/N, instead [name] is used; second person pov; there are two time skips in total. Reader is gender neutral and they/them pronouns are used like two times.

Trauma Bonding.

You don't really understand why it happened, but that doesn't matter now.

What matters is, Forrest is an annoying piece of shit. By God how much he pisses you off, and that feeling seems to be mutual. You really can't help it, that guy is just a definition of a bastard. Neither of you cares how this stupid rivalry started, but you've been on each others' asses all the time, just constantly being a bother and a menace to one another.

And while you hated to admit it, it was sort of fun. Forrest's reactions to your little stunts were amusing as hell, so it only added fuel to the fire.

And you would be perfectly fine with things staying that way, but now you were stuck at the god damn KFAM building because what? A serial killer is out on the streets? Pfft, whatever man.

"Just so you know, I'd much prefer if the Whistling Man got me than staying here." you said harshly, sitting down at the couch in front of Peggy's booth. Just hearing Forrest talk made you upset. That man had way too much snark going on, he seriously needs to calm down with that shit.

"No one's holding you here." It just felt like you wanted to punch him every time he spoke, which was the case right now too.

"Settle down you two, we have more important things to care about now." Peggy brought you both back to reality. She was leaning her head on her palm and already looked tired of your constant back and forth bickering.

"Peggy, how come you tolerate him so well?" you could swear you saw Forrest roll his eyes.

"You guys just need to stop arguing so much. Why are you even fighting?" Peggy asks, shifting a little to be more comfortable in her chair.

"Because he's/they're annoying," the two of you said in sync, which only made you exchange a glare between each other. The woman laughed at that. It was honestly hilarious how you two hated each other for no apparent reason, even though your personalities would go well together in theory.

"Oh I see how it is. So you two are just being bitter for the sake of being bitter?" Only silence followed Peggy's question...

Hours have passed already. The night was getting more and more intense, and it was stressing everyone out. You were honestly both impressed and surprised by how well Forrest have managed to deal with this situation. Maybe that alone has earned your respect for him.

Even still, it was horrible to hear that kid get murdered. Poor guy, he was probably no older than 16... sure he was an ass, but that didn't mean he deserved to die. That made you think... if Forrest was to meet the same fate, would you feel the same way? Would it be a petty kind of grief? You would rather not find out.

Which is exactly why-

"Forrest man, you know I can't stand you, but no fucking way. I'm going down with you." Your tone was firm, and it was obvious you wouldn't back down no matter what he said.

"Whatever, lets just go already." He knew it would be pointless to try and argue with you, you would just keep being stubborn to annoy him. But maybe, just maybe, he was a little glad that you would tag along. It was totally not because the presence of another person with him, a person who he knows all too well, would make him feel more safe and protected, of course not, you would be foolish to think that that was the case! He'd just use you as a meat shield if the two of you got attacked. Yep, that was totally it, no other reason whatsoever.

You followed him downstairs, taking in the sight of the interior. It was kind of cozy in here, although you had to admit that the place was a mess. Well, on the second floor that is, the first one seemed pretty neat if you don't look behind the reception.

You made your way through said reception, through the basement and finally through the fire exit. As Forrest walked through the door, you stayed behind to hold it open just in case, that thing didn't look reliable enough for you to be sure that it won't shut behind you. Forrest only raised an eyebrow at you but didn't question it any further.

You'd hear him talk to no one in particular and of course you had to make a snarky remark about how this man had went insane while being so up in his own ass. However, just as you heard something that sounded like footsteps followed up with rustling, you panicked and quickly ran to find Forrest, completely forgetting about the door.

"Forrest?! Bastard man where are you?!" You half whispered half screamed, frantically looking around the back alley. When you came around the corner your eyes first landed on the Whistling Man who stood behind the fence and then walked away. Forrest, however, didn't seem to notice him at all... What a dork.

"So you found it?" You questioned him, looking over his shoulder briefly with your hands crossed over your chest.

"Sure did- Wait why are you here? Weren't you supposed to hold the door open?!" after a while, you began to pick up on certain behavior patterns and habits that Forrest had, one of which was that half lowered tone he always used when he was stressed and frustrated. Damn, pulling out all the dirty moves now, are you Forrest Nash?

"What the hell do you want from me! I thought you were about to be murdered!" ohh, you didn't like the way those two sentences sounded coming from you, it almost made it seem like you actually cared about him, which was totally not the case!

Forrest gasps dramatically, covering his mouth with the free hand that wasn't holding the "Lomg Ride Home", "Oh my God [name], is that what I think this is? Are you perhaps... worried about me?" he said in his signature smug tone, handing you the recording while you were distracted fuming over his stupid words. Without even realizing it, you took it from him.

"Shut up." A classic response, one that is usually a sign that he said something frustratingly stupid that you can't be bothered to come up with something witty to say.

"Sure man. We have the recording now, let's return." You hate to agree with him, but nod anyway, and the two of you make your way back to the fire exit.

Of course, just as you had suspected, it shut behind you as soon as you left, which only caused you both to be even more annoyed. This night was already horrible as it was, you couldn't get stuck outside now! Forrest said something about finding another way in, like a lift to the basement or whatnot. And surely enough, there was one right nearby.

Since it had no power, the two of you found a generator, and after that split ways to hunt around for some fuses to replace the burnt out ones. "Does anything work properly in this God forsaken place?" You think to yourself, picking up a good handful of fuses. However, those aren't the only thoughts that were plaguing your mind. You can't help but feel anxious being away from Forrest after you saw... well, him. And of course, it was totally only because you didn't want to help him or drag his body inside if he got killed! But either way, you hurriedly made your way back to the generator, looking around for Forrest. When you didn't see him anywhere, you could feel anxiety rise in your chest.

"Forrest? Forrest where are you?" You whispered again, dropping all the fuses on the crates nearby. Then you felt a pair of hands suddenly slam against your shoulders.

"Boo," you heard from behind yourself. Naturally, given tonight's circumstances, your first reflex was to fight. So as soon as you turned around, Forrest got shoved away and punched in the stomach. "Augh, what the hell."

"Jesus Christ Forrest! Do you have wind in your head or what?!" Even despite the fact that you cursed him out, you still felt kinda relieved to see him again. At least he wasn't the Whistling Man...

"That hurt you know." He said nonchalantly, as if he didn't just give you three heart attacks at once. You also noticed that he brought back some fuses too.

"Good. That's what you deserve." Truly, these two were made for each other. Who else would bicker and argue about dumb things when out at night in a dark alleyway with a killer on the loose?

The two of you made quick work with that generator, turning the power back on and making your way into the building through the basement.

But not in a single lifetime did you imagine finding... whatever the hell this was. You couldn't choose what creeped you out more: the fact that there was a secret hideout in the basement, all the mannequins with red cross eyes, all the photos attached to red strings and hanging in the air, or the board with news article cutouts and stickers with names and places on them. The latter seemed to grab Forrest's attention first though. Overall, this entire situation made your anxiety grow even more, and your thoughts wandered over to Peggy.

Sure, she is supposed to be safely locked in her producer booth, but... still, what if the Whistling Man somehow got to her? And both of you were downstairs, unable to protect her... You didn't want to imagine the sight of the glass being broken and Peggy laying lifelessly on the floor, probably horrifically injured. You didn't want to imagine it, but you did, and it only made things worse. You could feel your body heat up from growing stress, and only a minute or two later did you notice Forrest shaking you by the shoulder.

"[Name], you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost." No way, did Forrest sound worried too? That's hilarious. Sort of endearing too.

"What if... something happens to Peggy?" You didn't even want to say it, you didn't want to express your concerns, especially not to him, but it came naturally. You just blurted it out without thinking.

"She's gonna be alright." Forrest was dumbfounded by your sudden serious tone and panicked look. He didn't expect you to suddenly act like this, if anything he expected another snarky reply. However, the fact that you trusted him enough to let him have a peek into your thoughts made him feel responsible for making things better for you. He already had to comfort a bunch of terrified victims today, so he could surely do it again.

"And what if she won't? What if the Whistling Man gets her? We're not there to protect her, but even if we were, would we be able to protect her anyway? That freak is strong and fast..." your mind began to spiral pretty fast.

"Thinks this through [name], how could he possibly get to her if he was at the old murder house and she is here, in her booth with the door locked?" And that was the worst about this. Forrest didn't know. He didn't see. So you took it upon yourself to break the news to him:

"No, no! You don't understand, I saw him here! He was right outside the building!" Your voice was growing more and more hysterical the longer you had to talk, and it was making him panick too.

"Wait, here? You saw him here?" Forrest asked you, mindlessly placing his hands on your shoulders.

"Yes Nash, here!" Oh damn. You usually only used his last name when things went over the line, so it only made the situation more tense.

"Okay, okay, calm down, deep breaths [name]. Let's get this thing," he patted the board you saw on the wall, "upstairs first and then we will check up on Peggy, alright?" After a moment of hesitation, you agreed. You grabbed the keys from the staircase that were on the table, and Forrest took the board. While you made your way back, with you occasionally glancing at Forrest and him giving you a reassuring nod in return, you couldn't help but feel grateful to him for helping you calm down. It was almost disgusting how well this man managed to soothe your worries, even if just a little bit.

When you finally made it back, you were relieved to find Peggy safe, sound and unharmed. That made your respect meter for Forrest go up like 0.5 percent. Still, you hated his guts. Or... or did you?

The second time wasn't so fortunate. Peggy wasn't unharmed, but she was relatively safe and getting help. You let out a breath that you've been holding in for ages, and you could feel your heart rate begin to slowly decrease. You turned to Forrest after he signed off his show, and couldn't help but smile.

"Maybe you're not as much of an ass as I thought."

And with that, you've bonded over your mutual trauma of the Whistling Night of '87 and have been friends ever since. Inseparable and insufferable if you will. So yeah,

You don't really understand why it happened, but that doesn't matter now.

#killer frequency #killer frequency requests #killer frequency x reader #forrest nash #forrest nash x reader

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lunastarnight · 4 months ago

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Beauty is Pain

aka. My reinterpretation of Alexandria's Genesis

"Beauty Syndrome"

"Models Disorder"

That's what many called what I had: Alexandria's Genesis. Many probably know it as this amazing thing where you have purple eyes and no body hair. It seems amazing from the outside, Modeling Agencys always willing to hire people with it, and people with it always bding popular and envied for their beauty, but honestly? It is hell.

Well, let's start of with the fact that I am really sensitive. No, not in the "I didn't get my way, so I'm gonna cry untill I do" way some assholes would probably think. For one, bright light hurts really bad! To a point I have to often even have to wear sunglasses, just to go outside and stand being able to see sunlight. That's honestly why fall is my favourite season, then it rains more, at least here where I live, which makes it easier to go outside since it isn't as bright.

But it's not just my eyes that have trouble with sunlight, it's my whole body. You know how Alexandria's Genesis gives you pale skin? Well, that's because it basically kills of most of the melanin my body produces, and guess what your body kinda needs to fight the chance of sunburns? It's why I mostly wear long sleeves and pants when outside. Sure, some might say I'd look good in something a bit more revealing, but first of all, fuck them for trying to tell me what to wear, and second of all, fuck sunlight for basically trying to roast me alive.

I also have trouble regulating my temperature. Did you know your body hair helps with that? I do, because my doctors told me. It's always just really cold for me, which is why I basically take at least one jacket pretty much everywhere.

But speaking of clothes, those are also tricky to manage. My sense of touch is completely messed up because of this. There are so many fabrics I hate touching, because they feel like absolute hell on my skin. Thankfully cotton is common enough in clothes, that's one of the few fabrics I can actually stand wearing.

The weight also isn't a pretty story. Your body kinda needs calories and stuff like that to keep going, which is something my body is very unwilling to save, and very happy to loose. I'm basically constantly standing on the edge to being underweight, it being very hard for me to gain weight, but very easy to loose it.

This also makes me feel just so tired constantly, my body having trouble actaully taking in the energy I need from the food I eat.

It also makes injuries a lot more common. Wether it'd be small thing like cuts and bruises, or something bigger, without my body taking the proper ressources from my food, it can't really build itself up that strong, so injuries happen way faster. (And also, people tend to get weirdly judgy when they see them. When I had a bruise on my hand from accidentally hitting the edge of the table a bit too hard, I had multiple people tell me off for it. Even a total stranger, some grandma at the store, told me to "be more careful next time" and that I need to "preserve my beauty", like what?!)

So there you have it. I'm weak frail and tired. Yeah, I get it, I'm pretty, I have pretty priviledge, but I don't want it. I'd rather just live, then be pretty and in pain. "Pretty Priviledge" hasn't even helped me that much, this has made more people just like me for my appearance then actually like me for...well, me.

To whoever thinks they want to have Alexandria's Genesis:

Trust me, you don't.

#alexandrias genesis #writing #I forgot the part about the fertility without periods #but I honestly also just had no idea what to do with that.

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st4rl3ssv01d · 1 month ago

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Stupid Headcanons because I haven't posted in a while and I'm bored

Hawks can secretly sometimes be very wounded from creative insults because he never went to middle school, so he never experienced just how sassy teenagers can be

Kirishima has a small worry that if/when he were to get a partner that he would accidentally cut them with his shark teeth, so he's extra careful

Aizawa will never admit it but he's gotten so used to Mic or his students just yapping in the background it's grown to be a sort of comfort and it makes it hard for him to sleep with silence

Koda and Amajiki are totally friends, and Koda often introduces Amajiki to animals and explains them so he won't be scared if them

Mic totally listens to bands like Neon Trees and he keeps trying to introduce different genres of music to Aizawa. Aizawa rejects everytime, but occasionally listens to a few and enjoys it

Katsuki secretly loves Hot to Go ever since he heard the girls playing it [protector of the lesbians-]

Denki is actually pretty good with hair and loves trying out new styles. They turn out a bit of a mess sometimes, but he's careful to be gentle and he has great gossip while he does it

Shinso has shoes that has soles like cat beans. Like just casually, everyday wear. Nobody actually notices, but once Aizawa did and asked where he got them from

I might just be an idiot [I lied I'm always an idiot], but Keigo's hair has been sorta trained that way to be pushed back with how fast he flies. He's once tried to put his hair back down, but it did not cooperate

Mina is a total MLP stan and will tell off anyone who tries to say it's for kids or it's cringe. She's a firm believer that people can like whatever they like as long as it's not something disgusting like p3do

Hawks has to force himself to sleep and is used to taking pills that make him immediately fall asleep. Reason for his being- he's so energetic and feels the need to constantly be moving and helping and fighting crime. But he needs to keep up a public appearance that he's fine, so he can't have eye bags or seem tired

#nonsensevoid #yapping #headcannons #mha #mha headcannons #bnha headcannons

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chasetriesagain · 6 months ago

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Can I be so totally honest with you folks? (I can because this is my blog.) I'm so, so, so tired of Donald Trump. And not (just) because he's a threat to democracy or to people I care about or to my very way of life and a roadblock to just about every stitch of progress my country is desperately in need of.

I'm tired of hearing about him. I was an adult with a fresh college degree and a (too) slowly shifting political compass prior to 2016. Do you know what Donald Trump was to me back before 2016? Nothing. Not jack shit.

He was a failing reality TV star living off his family name and careening through one business venture to the next, doomed to fade from the public's attention because he was a boring old bigot.

Then he decides to run for office, and for eight fucking years I have to hear about the patron saint of the banality of evil every goddamn day. From a third of this country and constantly from the media. He is dull, obnoxious, and ignorant, and I do not care about him.

I do not care what outrageous thing he said. I do not care about his golf game. I do not care about his victim complex. I do not care about his ego. I would not care if he loved his country. (He doesn't.) I would not care if he was a genius. (He is not.) I don't care who thinks he's a good guy. I don't care when someone thinks he made a good point. I don't care about how people who support him see him.

If I had the power, I would wish him away. I would make him disappear from pictures and history books like in Back to the Future. Not for any political aim, simply because I do not wish to be reminded any more that he exists, has existed, will continue to exist for some unspecified amount of time.

He's boring and uncouth, and because he has money and says things people aren't supposed to say, and because the media loves a mess, I have to hear about him. And there's a good chance that even if he loses, I'm still going to have to hear about him.

It's like the dog decided to drag in a dead skunk and instead of disposing of it and cleaning the house, we've installed it on the mantle, festering and rotting and stinking, and also everyone just keeps talking about it so even when your nose blind to the stench, you have to get hourly updates on the maggots.

And I think I would probably feel this way to some degree even if he were someone I agreed with, that I didn't loathe. The obsession with him is exhausting. Popstar fandom is less insufferable.

And yes, unfortunately, right now we need to talk about him. We need to talk about the threat he poses and the realities about American life he has exposed because there's a too real chance he can get re-elected, but I pray, really, genuinely pray that there will come a day when I don't have to see his face or hear his name or think about his odious little family and their transparent bullshittery and their cloying attitudes and their punchable mugs because they're all just so weird and boring and dumb, and I hope next time I have to live through some historical shit the people are involved are at least funny.

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heartshattering · 8 months ago

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I feel like I've messed my health up and there's no going back.

Yes, I took NSAIDs to deal with chronic headaches and migraines, TMJ pain, endometriosis cramps, and back pain, because 1 - a previous doctor who didn't want to give me anything else for the pain told me it was fine, 2 - I stopped being able to go to physical therapy, and 3 - I was balancing trying to graduate while being the caregiver of my terminally ill grandma in her last stages of life and didn't have time to practice other pain relief techniques.

Yes, I eat basically every food on those "Top Worst Foods for Digestive Issues" lists, because I don't have time to make a special meal every time I'm hungry while I'm taking care of my mom. Yeah, eating greasy chips and double stuffed Oreos and chocolate and other things I don't have to cook isn't good for me and I know I have trigger foods and should be following one of those low FODMAP diets and spend time meal-planning or whatever but I feel like I can't get my life in order. I struggle so hard to stay on top of other things, I don't want to obsess over every single thing I eat and have to cook 3 special meals a day for myself every day.

Yes, I overdo it with caffeine. It's a shitty dependency I've had for a long time which led me to having to see a pediatric cardiologist and get prescribed heart meds since before I was even in high school. I've been hospitalized for heart arrhythmias in my 20s and I still take too much caffeine because I'm always tired, sick, can't focus, and the doctor told me I couldn't take stimulant medication for ADHD because of my history of heart issues. Add on top of that the fact I have two parents from the "We don't believe in ADHD, young people just need to focus better" generation. So I fuck myself up with massive amounts of caffeine instead because that totally makes sense. And (surprise surprise) caffeine is another thing you aren't supposed to take when you have IBS (and almost every other health issue I have). But I do it anyway.

Going on sleep meds wasn't ideal. I have stopped other ones before and I'm weaning off my current one. But doctors still blame me for having taken them in the first place, don't see how much effort I put into gradually trying to sleep more naturally again, and just assume the worst from me and say I'm doing reckless shit like drinking alcohol while on sleep meds or driving after taking them (I don't do either of those things, on or off meds, but especially not on them). As soon as doctors find out about my home life and things like my mom being paralyzed and the fact I lost four of my family members in one year, they automatically think I'm abusing the sleep meds and lecture me on stuff like "Doing that isn't going to fix your grief/depression :/" and don't understand how difficult sleeping while dealing with severe OCD phobias and compulsions that get worse at nighttime is.

I stay up late because I can hardly get any work done during the daytime. I can only follow a sleep routine for so long until I run into a night where I have to catch up with my work because my aunt randomly stayed for a week, or my mom had an emergency, or whatever else. Same used to happen when I was a student taking care of my grandma, too. I suck at managing my time and I'm constantly overwhelmed, I feel like at any second I'm going to mess everything up and disappoint everyone.

I know I haven't been great to myself and that I have all sorts of habits that haven't been ideal but it's just been so hard to get help. I was made to leave the local psychiatric center because my problems were considered "too severe" for them to handle. It feels like no one wants to deal with me and that they just see me as a lost cause even though I'm trying. Really, I am trying. It's just so hard and I feel like too much of a mess all the time.

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confessions-official · 9 months ago

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My mom is hard to deal with. She will never change. She gaslights. She wants empathy when she messes up but won't give you any when you need it for the dumbest shit ever and will stay on case that you are in the wrong and you are bad, while she will beg and cry if you don't forgive her and say she's awesome and have no fault. She wants you to say she's an angel on scorched earth. A Cinderella in an evil household.

If I understand something wrong then I shouldn't have, there was no reason to, there was nothing on her tone that indicated the wrong idea. But when she understands something wrong then she will insist until the end of time that it's the fault of the person that spoke, not her comprehension that was placed in the wrong place. And when you tell her she was wrong and she accepts she will still say there was NO way for her to tell because of X and Y. The fault is never ever on her.

If she tries to mess with me and I don't like it and react negatively then there is something wrong with me cos it's so obvious she doesn't mean anything bad with it how could I have ever understood it wrong?! But when I try doing the same, she will say I totally had bad intent and wanted to hurt her. (I jokingly told my sister to let my mom "starve" by not picking up her plate in the microwave. Yup this was the horrible thing I did)

It's so dumb but having this happen every time I interact with her since I was born is fucking tiring. She's a kid that will never grow up. I'm tired of agreeing with her just so she leaves me alone. I have to constantly tell myself to not treat her like she treats me cos that will make the next 30 minutes fucking hell. Her understanding of consent is also stupid and I have to constantly remind myself of that in fear I pick up the bad habits from her and do the same to someone else.Since I was 16 it always felt like I was the adult in the conversation. And it feels like it only gets worst as time goes on.

#confession

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prodigal-explorer · 2 years ago

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roasting side kinnies except i'm actually really mean to all of them

if you get offended easily please leave i don't wanna actually hurt anyone's feelings /g

alright now on with the show! i'm warning y'all this is gonna be so mean cuz i hate when people are like "roasting side kinnies!!" and then are super nice to all of them except their least favorite like no i believe in equality, everyone gets roasted for real here.

roman kinnies: (i'm roasting myself here) not everything is about you. please put the hero complex away, nobody cares. you're selfish as fuck and you take without giving so much that you just expect everyone else to be okay with it. if anybody messes with your makeup routine, they're a dead bitch, and honestly, that's really pathetic. no matter how much makeup you wear, you're probably gonna look even uglier than when you had none on.

logan kinnies: literally stop talking about how underrated logan is, he's not underrated anymore! everyone likes logan! you constantly need to be right all the time and you pick fights for no reason just so you can win them. we get it! you're smart! but honestly you probably aren't as smart as you think you are. half the time you just sound like the human equivalent of the nerd emoji.

virgil kinnies: please for the love of god stop talking about how you're the therapist friend. you're not. you're literally the one who dumps all your problems onto people. no actual therapist friends constantly whine about how they're the therapist friend. also please stop infantilizing yourself it's really embarrassing to watch. you're not a "smol bean" or a "tuf lil guy". also stop with the whole "janus abused virgil and it's canon" thing like it's not canon. this is sanders sides not an anime.

janus kinnies: it's okay you can just say you have no personality. because literally what is this man's personality? nothing. you think your sarcastic lil jokes are funny and that they're roasting people but they honestly make me curdle up in secondhand embarrassment. you refuse to accept that janus was in the wrong for manipulating roman, and that he totally had the middle school librarian thing coming. you just kin virgil and want to be different, i know what you are. you're a fucking aquarius (i am too).

remus kinnies: okay half of y'all aren't even remus kinnies because you guys mischaracterize him so bad. get out of here with the "poor wittle remus just wants the same treatment roman gets" like no the fuck he doesn't and roman doesn't even have it that good. also please stop spamming song lyrics we are so tired of reading the lyrics to forbidden fruit. also forbidden fruit sucks ass, someone had to say it.

patton kinnies: ah yes i saved my least favorite for last. you guys have victim complexes bigger than the catholic church. literally all of y'all are annoying as fuck but not in the cute way. in the "jesus christ please stop pretending to be an innocent angel who has never done anything bad" way. i know defending patton is your full time job because he's done so much awful shit but y'all boutta be fired because "he's trying his best" is literally not a reason come on now. it's ironic that you guys are the least sympathetic tss fans i know but also not because patton is not that sympathetic either.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #tss #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #patton sanders #sanders sides fandom #ez's rambles #tw for me being a meanie #like really mean #is it obvious that i fucking hate patton #but this is just for funsies please don't dox me #like i literally roasted roman too and i kin him this is all in good fun

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luckyduckwrites · 2 days ago

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Another Contestant

Chapter 1-4: Dodgebrawl

Fandom: Total Drama (Cartoon)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Heather (Total Drama)/Original Character(s)

Characters: Heather (Total Drama), Gwen (Total Drama), Original Non-Binary Character, Owen (Total Drama), Bridgette (Total Drama), Geoff (Total Drama), Duncan (Total Drama), Devon "DJ" Joseph, Courtney (Total Drama), Ezekiel (Total Drama), Sadie (Total Drama), Katie (Total Drama), Eva (Total Drama), Noah (Total Drama), Justin (Total Drama), Tyler (Total Drama), Trent (Total Drama), Izzy (Total Drama), Cody Anderson, Harold McGrady V, Lindsay (Total Drama), Beth (Total Drama), Leshawna (Total Drama), Alejandro Burromuerto, Sierra (Total Drama), Chris McLean, Mildred "Blaineley" Stacey Andrews O'Halloran

Additional Tags: Total Drama: Island, Total Drama: Action, Total Drama World Tour, Nonbinary Character, POV Original Character, Slow Build, Slow To Update, Friends to Enemies, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Slow Romance, Crush at First Sight, Teen Crush, Canon Lesbian Character, POV Lesbian Character, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Original Character-centric, Developing Relationship, Minor Alejandro Burromuerto/Heather

Summary:

I'm Carmen, and I signed up for this show as a last-minute decision a few minutes before the time ran out to sign up. I signed up for Total Drama because I wanted to get away from my life. My parents don't understand me, and they constantly mis-gender me. I'm non-binary, but they keep using she/her when referring to me and deadnaming me. I know they love me, but I just need a break from it all. Maybe I'll make some new friends, or meet someone special.

Carmen is AFAB non-binary and uses they/them pronouns.

**AO3 & Wattpad links in masterpost pinned to the top of the blog**

I didn't get great sleep last night, but it was enough. Especially after staying up for several days in a row after only barely managing a few all nighters in my life, and those were with the help of coffee. In the main lodge, I sit next to Heather with my breakfast when Chris walked in.

The entire Killer Bass team is sleeping or nodding off as Chris wakes up Duncan, saying, "Duncan. You look like death, dude."

Duncan growls, "Stick it."

Courtney explains, "Harold snored all night."

Chris laughs, "Wow. Four night with no sleep? How much are you hurting?"

Duncan grabs the front of Chris's shirt, threatening, "You wanna find out?"

Chris says, "No, no. It's cool, it's cool."

Duncan lets go of Chris as Harold walks in, a mustache drawn on his face. We all gasp at the sight, struggling not to laugh as he struts to his seat, acting like he's the king of the world.

He finally noticed everyone staring at him when he sits, asking, "Okay, what?"

Geoff says, "Someone messed with your face, dude."

No one can keep in their laughter until Harold looks at his reflection in a spoon, saying to his reflection, "Hey, sweet stache."

Our laughter fades at that.

Chris announces, "Hey, everyone! It's Gwen!"

Our team claps and cheers as she sits next on my other side.

Lindsay exclaims, "Yay! Why are we clapping?"

I say, "Because she won the last challenge for us, Linds."

She says, "Oh. Yay!"

Gwen lays her head on the table, groggily saying, "I'm so tired I can't feel my face."

I ask, "Do you want me to get your breakfast?"

Gwen slightly smiles, saying, "That would be great. Thanks, Carmen."

I smile back, saying, "No problem."

When I set her breakfast in front of her, Heather pulls me, Lindsay, and Beth into a small huddle, quietly saying, "So, let's go over the rules one more time. Number one, I am the captain of the alliance, so I get to make the rules. Number two..."

Lindsay and I finish her sentence, "Breaking the rules can result in getting kicked out of the alliance."

Mine was a statement, but Lindsay said it more like a question.

Heather says, "Good. Number three, I can borrow your stuff without asking, but my stuff is strictly off limits."

Lindsay says, "I don't know about the last rule."

I say, "Yeah, me neither. That sounds kinda unfair."

Heather says, "That's okay, I can change it."

Lindsay, Beth, and I smile until she continues, "I can also find someone else to take to the final four with me."

Lindsay and Beth shake their heads in fear, and my eyebrows furrow. Why would she ask her friends to be in an alliance if she thinks we're so replaceable? She was probably just bluffing.

Heather continues, "Good. Wanna have some fun?"

Lindsay and Beth nods their heads, and I say, "Uh, sure. What do you have in mind?"

Heather responds, "Watch this." She calls to the other team, "Hey, fishheads! Way to knock out your strongest player! Why don't you just give up now?"

Courtney uses her spoon to try to throw slop at Heather, but she dodges, pulling me with her right before it hits Gwen right in the face.

Heather says, "Missed me."

Heather keeps her arm wrapped around me, making my cheeks dust pink as I blush. I duck my head down to my breakfast, trying to not let anyone see my face.

Heather lets go of me when Chris announces, "Listen up. Your next challenge begins in ten minutes, and be prepared to bring it." After breakfast, he brings us to a giant glass gym on the beach, saying, "Today's challenge is the classic game of dodgeball. The first rule of dodgeball is -"

Noah interrupts him, sarcastically asking, "Do not talk about dodgeball?"

That makes me and Owen chuckle at the reference.

Chris says, "As I was saying, if you get hit with the ball..." He tosses a dodgeball, hitting Courtney with it before continuing, "You're out."

Courtney exclaims, "You can't do that!"

She tosses the ball at him, and he catches it, continuing, "If you catch the ball, the thrower gets sent out and the catcher gets to bring in another team member out on the court."

I whisper to Heather, "Those are the most basic of dodgeball rules. He couldn't at least spice it up for the show?"

Heather rolls her eyes, whispering back, "What, did you want him to make it insanely difficult?"

I shrug, responding, "No, I just wasn't expecting it to be a normal game is all. You know, with us being on a reality show."

Noah sarcastically says, "Throwing balls. Gee, another mentally challenging test."

Lindsay says, "I know, right?"

Noah and Owen look at each other in confusion, and I just shrug, rolling my eyes.

Chris says, "Okay, now Geoff, try to hit me."

He gives the ball he was holding to Geoff, who walks over to the other side of the court as Chef hands another ball to Chris.

He says, "If you're holding a ball, you can use it to deflect a ball, but if the ball is knocked out of your hands, you're out?"

Lindsay asks, "So what do we do again when the ball comes at me?"

Chris says, "You dodge."

Geoff throws his ball at Chris, but hits Lindsay instead, knocking her off of the bleachers, making everyone gasp.

Chris says, "You were supposed to dodge."

I help Lindsay up, a bump forming on her face as she says, "Right."

Chris says, "You have one minute 'til game time. Gophers, you'll have to sit three people out each game."

Heather says, "Okay, we can't get lazy. The Killer Bass are gonna be trying extra hard to catch up. Who wants to sit the first one out with Sleeping Beauty?"

I raise my hand, and Noah says, "Alright, I'll volunteer, too. Now, let's see you keeners get on out there and dodge."

I say, "Well, that is the name of the game."

Noah rolls his eyes, pulling out a book. I get the feeling he'll be sitting out the whole game. Gwen sits next to me, nodding off. Her head rests on my shoulder, and I can hear her quietly snoring.

I see Heather staring at me with a judgemental gaze before rolling her eyes, taunting, "Bring it on, fishes! Otherwise winning three in a row just won't be as satisfying."

Tyler exclaims, "Oh, you're going down! We're gonna bring the dinner to the table, and then we're gonna eat it!"

Courtney facepalms at his stupidity.

Chris asks, "Both teams ready? Best of five games wins. Now let's dodge some balls!"

Chef blows his whistle, starting the game. Cody throws a ball at Tyler, who, shockingly, dodges it, making him angry. Cody smile sheepishly as Tyler spins, throwing balls in every direction but at my teammates, accidentally hitting Sadie.

Chris says, "That'll smear the makeup."

Courtney yells, "Nice job. Now let's see if you can hit someone on their team!"

Owen comes in roaring and throws his ball at Tyler. He's not able to dodge in time, and the ball slams him into the wall.

I ask, "What are these? Heat-seaking dodgeballs?"

Noah shrugs, not even taking his eyes off his book.

Tyler exclaims, "Ow! Darn it!"

Chef blows his whistle, gesturing for Tyler to sit down. The other Gophers cheer for Owen, but I stay silent so I'm not shouting in Gwen's ear. Owen and Cody high five. Chef blows his whistle again, starting the round back up.

Harold says, "Time to unleash my wicked skills."

Leshawna exclaims, "Yeah? Bring it, stringbean! Let's see what you got!"

Harold tries karate poses, but Leshawna's not impressed, throwing her ball at him. He runs away, screaming like a little girl, but it's futile as the ball hits him. He slides across the floor to the wall, hitting his head. Chris closes his eyes, flinching. Chef blows his whistle, gesturing for Harold to sit down.

Leshawna exclaims, "And that's how we roll!"

Heather claps for Leshawna, and Owen high fives her. Cody gives Leshawna a thumbs up as Katie is about to throw her ball.

Lindsay holds a ball, asking, "Can someone remind me what I'm supposed to do with this again?"

Katie's ball hits her, knocking her over again. The Bass cheer for her and some high five her.

I say to Lindsay, "Again, you were supposed to dodge the ball. It's literally the name of the game here."

Chef blows his whistle, and Lindsay sits down. Tyler waves at Lindsay as she sits on my other side, and she waves back. Heather picks up a ball and hits Tyler in the groin with it.

He cries, "Mommy!"

Courtney exclaims, "What the heck was that?! Ref, he's not even on the court!"

Chef looks at Heather, and she smiles innocently, saying, "Oopsies. Slipped."

Courtney growls and picks up a ball. She tries to throw it at Heather, but Owen catches the ball. Chef blows his whistle, and Courtney angrily sits down. She is such a drama queen. Gwen yawns, stretching her back.

She says, "Oh, sorry. Didn't realize I fell asleep on you."

I shrug, saying, "It's fine. You needed sleep, and I'm probably more comfortable than the cold wooden bleachers."

She smiles at me, yawning again as she's called out to play. Owen throws his ball at DJ, who dodges. He throws his ball at Owen, but Owen ducks, the ball hitting Gwen instead.

DJ apologizes, "Ooh, sorry."

Gwen says, "Oh, it's cool. Trust me."

Chef blows his whistle, and Gwen sits back down next to me, falling back asleep almost immediately. DJ and Katie throw their balls at Leshawna, who dodges the first ball, but the second one hits her stomach. Chef blows his whistle, and she sits down on the bleachers in front of me.

She asks me, "Is that comfortable? Her sleepin' on your shoulder like that?"

I respond, "It's not that bad. Besides, she's getting sleep."

Leshawna grins, saying, "Sleep, huh? Is that all?"

I don't respond as my cheeks dust pink.

I say, "Shut up. I'm just helping a friend. Nothing more."

Leshawna grins wider, turning back around to watch the game.

Courtney says, "Easy out, guys. Easy out."

Cody throws his ball up, spiking it at DJ. It misses, but the ball boomerangs back around and hits DJ.

Chris says, "That is one tough ball to dodge!"

No wonder he didn't add any extra rules. He didn't need to if he made the balls pretty much impossible to dodge. Katie throws her ball at Cody, but he ducks. He runs a ball on his stomach, aiming with his thumb, and tosses it at Katie. The ball chases her around until she slams into the wall, the ball hitting her. My team has one round one. Cody and Owen high five each other, and Cody looks proud.

Before round two starts, Heather says, "Alright, Noah. You're up."

He says, "You know, you guys did such an awesome job on the last game that I don't want to mess up your mojo."

Heather glares at him, then says, "Fine. Carmen, you're up."

I say, "I can't exactly get up without waking up Gwen. Sorry."

Heather rolls her eyes, saying, "So Sleeping Beauty is more important than our alliance? If you don't participate in challenges, I can't guarantee your safety from eliminations."

I sigh, saying, "Fine."

I nudge Gwen awake, saying, "Sorry, Gwen. I gotta go play this round. You gonna be okay up here?"

Gwen says, "Yup. Totally fine. Have fun."

Lindsay sits out with her instead. She lays down face first on the bleacher, falling back asleep. As round two starts, the Bass give all their balls to Tyler. This can't be good. Tyler spins again, failing to hit me or anybody else on my team. Instead, he hits Chef in the stomach and a ball almost hits Chris.

Chris exclaims, "Hey, watch the face, dude!"

A ball hits Lindsay in the bleachers, making Tyler yell, "No!"

Courtney exclaims, "Finally!"

I ask Heather, "Can I hit him out now?"

Heather simply smiles and nods, and I lightly throw my ball while he flirts with Lindsay, getting him out.

Tyler asks Lindsay, "You wanna go for a walk?"

Lindsay responds, "Okay!"

They walk out of the arena, holding hands while Heather yells, "Hey! Hey, get back here! You are so close to being out of the alliance!"

Owen fiercely exclaims, "Great Gatsby, that is it! Game on!"

Chef blows his whistle, and Owen grabs my ball, tossing both of our balls as hard as he can, hitting Katie and Sadie. He takes Beth's ball, hitting the back of Bridgette's head. Trent gives Owen his ball, and Owen yells a war cry, throwing his ball at Geoff, hitting him in the face.

Chris exclaims, "Ow! That one's worth an instant replay."

He laughs as Leshawna says, "Ooh, he dropped it like it was hot!"

Chef blows his whistle, and Geoff sits out. Their side of the arena is empty, and we've won again thanks to Owen.

He laughs, "I don't know what got into me."

I say, "I'm just glad you're on our team. When you're motivated enough, you're pretty much impossible to beat!"

Heather says pointedly to Noah, "I'm glad someone is trying today."

Noah says, "Oh, sorry. Woo woo! Way to throw some murder balls! Go team, go."

Heather sarcastically says, "Nice team spirit. Hey, it's two to zero! How does it feel to suck so much?"

Harold responds, "Not very good."

Courtney says with false hope, "It's not over yet!"

The next round starts, and Leshawna, Justin and I throw our balls at Duncan, but he dodges. Katie grabs our balls, giving them to Courtney and Duncan. They all throw their balls at the same time, hitting Owen, then Leshawna, then me, Izzy, and Justin.

Noah says, "Come on, a little effort out there, people."

I say, "Okay, smart-mouth. Why don't you get out there and show us how it's done if you're so good."

He still doesn't look up from his book as he responds, "No thanks. You guys have fun, though."

Noah's really starting to get on mine and my team's nerves.

Heather says, "Okay, not that Noah here cares, but we are not losing another game to these guys. Got it? And where is Lindsay? Ugh!"

She leaves the arena right before the fourth round starts, coming back with Lindsay after I'm hit out.

Heather says to Lindsay, "Sit down and stay there!"

Lindsay dejectedly says, "Okay."

She says to me, "And make sure she doesn't sneak off."

I mock a salute, saying, "Yes, ma'am."

I drop my salute, crossing my arms and slouching back in my seat.

Heather asks, "How are we doing?"

Beth is hit out by the entirety of the other team, and Noah says, "Sports. Not my forte."

Heather says, "You know, you could actually give it a shot and pretend to care."

I add, "Or is that too much to ask?"

Noah doesn't respond, and Heather and I watch as Leshawna is knocked out, losing the fourth round for us.

Heather exclaims, "This is- is so unacceptable!"

Chris says, "Okay, this is it. The final tiebreaking game."

Noah unenthusiastically says, "Go team, go."

Chris says, "Gophers, Bass, let's send this sample to the lab and see what you're made of!"

Chef blows his whistle, starting the fifth and final round. Gwen picks up a ball, passing it to Cody.

Heather exclaims, "Come on, people! Quick feet, quick hands!"

Cody passes the ball to me, and I pass it to Heather, who throws it at DJ, but he jumps over it. Balls get tossed back and forth, most not hitting anyone. Courtney throws her ball at Cody, which hits him in the stomach, I hit Bridgette, Beth and I high five, I'm hit out, then Gwen. Justin weakly throws a ball, Katie throws a ball, Beth and Trent sit out, then Heather.

Noah sarcastically says, "Knock 'em out. Throw 'em out. Rah rah."

A ball from the other team hits Noah, knocking him over.

I say, "Someone sure got hit out."

Heather says, "You're right. Sports aren't your forte."

Sadie and Tyler high five, and a ball hits Sadie in the head. She sits out while Duncan facepalms. Tyler goes in, Bridgette sits out. A ball from each side hit each other, Katie goes in, Geoff taps Harold's shoulder, Duncan makes him sit back down.

Gwen hits Courtney, saying, "That's for the oatmeal."

Leshawna laughs, exclaiming, "You messed with the wrong white girl!"

Geoff ducks, but a ball hits him in the face. A ball hits Leshawna, then three balls hit Duncan. A ball is about to hit Gwen, but Cody jumps in front of her, taking it in the groin instead. DJ throws a ball at Gwen, she throws one at DJ, and their balls hit each other at the same time. Geoff and Tyler carry DJ to their bleachers, and Gwen collapses next to me again. Harold and Owen are the only ones left. Us Gophers cheer for Owen. This'll be a quick victory.

Owen says, "Sorry dude, but you've gotta go down."

Harold looks nervous, but dodges using his karate poses. Owen throws balls at Harold, but Harold jumps and dodges them. Owen throws his last ball at Harold, but Harold leans back as far as he can, dodging it.

Courtney exclaims, "Timeout! Timeout!"

Chef blows his whistle for a break.

The Bass chant, "Harold. Harold. Harold. Harold!"

Owen throws a ball, yelling, "Cowabunga!"

Harold slides to the wall, curling into a ball before presenting the ball that he caught.

Chris exclaims, "The Killer Bass wins!"

They cheer as Owen exclaims, "It's impossible! Why?!"

The Killer Bass lift Harold up, cheering for him.

Chris asks, "Gophers, what happened?"

Noah says, "What can I say? Weak effort."

We all glare at him, and Gwen says, "Oh, shut it, Noah."

She leaves, and Heather says, "You know, for once, I agree with her."

Most of us leave, and I think it's obvious who's going home tonight.

I go to the confessional, saying, "That guy Noah is getting on my nerves. He barely does anything in challenges, and he was just being such a douche today. I know I'm voting for him, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one."

At our first elimination ceremony, Chris says, "Campers, you've already placed your votes and made your decisions. One of you will be going home, and you can't come back. Ever! When you hear me call out your name, come pick up a marshmallow. Owen. Gwen. Cody. Trent. Carmen. Heather. Beth. Justin. Leshawna. Izzy."

We all walk up and claim our marshmallows.

Chris says, "The final marshmallow goes to... Lindsay."

Lindsay runs up for her marshmallow, saying, "Woohoo, yeah!"

Noah exclaims, "What?! Are you kidding me?!"

Lindsay exclaims, "Woohoo!"

She kisses her marshmallow, and Noah says, "Alright, see if I care. Good luck, because you voted out the only one with brains on this team!"

We all toss our marshmallows at him as payback.

Leshawna says, "You need to learn a little thing called respect, turkey."

I add, "And doing your part. You barely did anything anyways."

Noah groans, "Whatever. I'm outta here."

He leaves on the Dock of Shame, and we all go to our cabin, laying down.

Heather asks me, "So what was up with you and Weird Goth Girl today? Are you trying to get her in the alliance? Because no one's allowed in the alliance without my say, and I don't want the likes of her going to the finals with us."

I say, "No, I'm just trying to be nice. She's my friend, Heather. Friends do nice things for friends. That's all it is, I swear."

Heather looks me up and down suspiciously, saying, "Uh huh. Well, whatever the case, I won't let you be friends with her."

I ask, "Won't let me? You can't dictate who my friends are."

Heather smirks, "Sure I can. We're in an alliance, remember? If you continue being friends with her, I can't guarantee your spot in the alliance."

I lay down, my back facing her as I respond, "Whatever you say, Heather."

I hear her say, "That's what I like to hear."

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zafirosreverie · 1 month ago

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Heyyyy this is just a rant so totally okay if you ignore this. I just need to get things off my chest and your the only person i feel comfortable talking to about this because its family stuff and one of my friends is annoying the freak out of me.

Idk if ive told you i probably have but im the middle child, sure it may be stereotypical but i get ignored a lot, and when im not im either in trouble or some one needs me to do something. Also apparently im a shit friend because my “friend” is constantly talking my ear off to the point where i get overstimulated and just cant do anything anymore and need to have my space and she didnt let me have said space yesterday. Now did i tell her? No, because i was too overstimulated and even the slightest feeling of her pants against my leg was too much but she was all in my personal space and i just- it bothered me and i cant talk to her about it because while she may say she gets it and wont do it again she will. Back to my family- sorry my mind is a mess and im kinda just getting all this stress off anyway my family doesnt seem to want to pay attention to me. Like today i wanted to show my family of Cynthia Erivo doing a REALLY AWSOME cover of “Feeling Good” by Michael Bublé and everyone was basically like “eh, okay i need you to turn that off its not good.” So that happened and then this week is finals and i got a 70 on my math and i know i tried my best and what my mom says shouldnt affect me as much as it does but i let her down. I got 20 extra credit points for my study guide and so my overall grade is a 90 but on the test itself i got a 70 and my mom was really disappointed and to her a 70 is a failing grade. I also feel like crying but i cant because im too busy and if im not studying or listening to Cynthia who is my comfort person rn in song form im asleep and too tired to cry. I just want to relax and finally be able to breathe and feel wanted by my family.

Sorry for such a long rant i just its a lot and i dont feel comfortable telling my family or friends.

-🐺

I'm so sorry hon :c I wish I could help. You can always vent here if you need it

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nsk96 · 1 year ago

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Rant post. Ignore this, just purging the negative thoughts that are overwhelming me at the moment.

Having another breakdown, I really wished I lived alone right now. I start APPE rotations in a few months so that means I need to get all my onboarding paperwork and vaccination stuff done by February. There's so much to do right I can't seem to focus on just one thing, much less start on anything at all right now.

And then my mom telling me about the nasty crap my dad has been doing. I mean nasty unhygienic crap that is affecting our heaths. It was so triggering at the moment that all I could think about was "I'm probably also going to have to clean the shower before I shower again." Context: my dad doesn't wash well, and from the smell and condition of the bathtub when he'd done showering, I'm certain, he's not wiping after using the toilet either. Having to clean the bathtub every time before I shower is tiring it makes me hate showering. Not to mention the smell of the cleaner also bothers my airways. It's bad enough that I have to worry about my dad tampering with my soap, face cleanser and shampoo, that I have to carry every thing with me between the bathroom and my bedroom every time I shower as well. It all makes showering a time-consuming chore. Maybe that's a contributing reason for skipping showers these days. I have a handy dandy squirt bottle I use to clean up on skip days at least. Also, whoever invented wet wipes is the best.

Just thinking about how much I could have gotten done over the winter break had I lived alone though. The days I could have had to myself instead of driving my mom around to shop for groceries. I would have been able to clean up my room (my dad was home from work for much of the holiday so that delayed a lot because there was stuff I have to hide from him of course).

Then there was Christmas eve where my mom mopped this small stretch of tile and told us to be careful around it. No more than five minutes later, I forgot about it and came around with my plate of dinner in my hand and slipped and fell, hurting my back and leg, and straining my abdominal muscles. My food fell everywhere of course. Had I lived alone, it wouldn't have happened. But also, had I had the time to get an appointment with a psychiatrist, I probably would have been diagnosed by now, and wouldn't have forgotten such an important detail in the first place. There'd likely be no attention issues then...but to have the time to get an appointment, living alone would have been ideal as well. Study time is just better when you don't have to worry about other people. Out of sight, out of mind.

Living by myself, I would be able to have a clean room for once. I wouldn't have to sleep on a bed that I'm also storing a box of cookies on just because my dad "just might poison it". Or the whole 4-tier shelf of snacks I have in my room for the same reason, along with skincare and hair care products that should be stored in the bathroom but you know...he tampers with stuff to the point we start itching or our hair starts falling out. Don't get me started on the symptoms we get when he messes with the food.

My mom's defense for me not moving out is that it's not safe and that I should save money. 1) I'd be using loan money from school. I did the math and the added amount really doesn't make much of a difference when you look at the total I'll owe from between undergrad and pharmacy school. 2) Safe? She's worried about someone hurting me over there? Someone breaking in and hurting me? What about here at home? I have to constantly worry about if the food in the fridge is safe for me to eat. I don't feel safe in my own bedroom because she's always like "he goes into your room when you're in the shower", and now I gotta wonder if he finally managed plant a hidden camera in there. I already knows he likes to record random women on the street and send it to his nephew and make disgusting comments about them. I know he always wanted to record my mom in sexual ways. And he for sure knew what my brother was doing to me when I was 5 years old. At 18, my dad even tried to record me sucking suggestively on a lollipop (I didn't realize I was eating it weird. It was family movie night and I was distracted). I will never forget the night how furious he got when he found out I lock my bedroom door when I go to sleep. It haunts me. And now, my mom has to constantly remind me not to fall asleep on the chair in the living room when she's not out there because I have to worry about my dad r*ping me like he has her when she was asleep.

Over winter break, there was one instance I couldn't help it. We finished family movie night (in living room) and my mom was going into the shower. She made sure I was awake before walking away but I was so tired my eyes closed without me realizing. I was still conscious at least but only of my body and some sounds around me. I couldn't move or open my eyes. I felt myself drifting off but I was able to gain the strength to pull myself out of it. I hear my dad using the hand-held muscle massager to massage (but I didn't know what) and then I heard his footsteps getting closer. Maybe it was nothing but I opened my eyes a little and saw he had the massager by his crotch and he was walking towards me. At the same time, my mom came out to check up on me once more before going into the shower and when she showed up, my dad stopped walking and kinda jumped up like he was up to no good, I don't know if I was seeing correctly, but it was like he then quickly shifted the massager to the top of his thigh and told her that he had a leg cramp when she decided to ask him what's wrong. It was just so weird, I wasn't sure if I saw this whole situation correctly. He spent quite some time to work out the "cramp" on the exercise equipment so I don't know...maybe I was being paranoid. But that moment just keeps replaying in my mind and still feels so unsettling as much as it did that night.

Now I'm really worried about starting rotations. I'm not sure my mom plans on divorcing him any time soon. I told her she needs to start planning and that we can't be moving while I do residency. It's now or never. But honestly, it's probably too late for that because I'm way too busy for all that now. I got 4 quizzes due this week and 2 assignments, plus lectures to catch up on. And now onboarding to worry about. Last semester was the best time to initiate my plan, which was to get the apartment so we'd have a place to run to (because her plan was to leave him after I graduate pharmacy school) but she squandered it, quite possibly dooming the both of us.

The astrologer she recommended I get a reading from two years ago said that the people who think they know what's best for me will only bring me down to their level. He also said that I can't live with family because they will always be a source of grief for me. It's all true, and I probably didn't need an astrologer to tell me that, but it's kind of funny when someone outside of your family and life, who knows nothing about you, says it.

I feel it all just building up again, but I bet in a couple months when I have another emotional breakdown, my mom will once again think it came out of no where like she did the other times. And by emotional breakdown, I mean coming home crying and freaking out, avoiding her, avoiding all triggering conversation by either not talking or just walking away, and then she'll take it all personally again and make it about her feelings like she did last time.

#personal #tw sa #personal rant #tw sex assault #pharmacy school adventures #dad mention #mom mention #narcissistic parents #child abuse #tw poison #tw parental abuse #tw parent mention #tw parental issues #tw mom mention #tw dad mention

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