#I feel like a physical sin

[beenard-the-human]

me: I looked my mom in the eyes and said "no I don't find Santa from Christmas Chronicles hot" y'know like a liar

[sparkdoesart]

wait are you otherkin? a little beast?

Oh yeah, absolutely! Not exactly in the way that post was talking about but yes! In my mind i am a shapeshifter. Not usually one specific thing. Tho im mostly a cat. So really i could be anything. I wouldn't say im a therian tho. I dont think it fits me. I know its not the same but i believe im also what youd call a fictionkin. I heavily attach myself to my favorite characters (ill always see marcy[amphibia] in myself and currently am hooked on dylan from the quarry) so i wouldnt say im not human either considering most of them are. I dont hate my human body but id feel much better with at least some paws or a tail or ears or something.

I should make a pinned post soon for stuff like this,,,

But yeah! If you need to know, i am an otherkin and fictionkin and i am a shapeshifter who is usually a cat or cat human hybrid of some sort and heavily identify with my favorite character from my current hyperfixation. And also marcy from amphibia. Shes always in the back of my mind somewhere. :]

[ssruis]

Actually having been reminded of That Comic @ the anon who was talking about how I type: I think I can say with certainty that the way I talk over text was unfortunately largely influenced by that

[adhderall]

well as you can see besides being ugly as all fuck I'm also extremely bitter so that doesn't help at all in making me appealing. but it also comes with the territory you see, being treated as a hideous freak of nature for your whole life kind of does things to your psyche.

also going into shit in the tags as an extreeeemely jaded individual who's been on every side of the discourse and KNOWS it all VERY PERSONALLY so I know many people will find all sorts of different reasons to hate me (if they want ig) because I'm ~politically homeless~ at this point because I'm sick and tired of everything but whatever

(also fuck I ran out of space in the tags so another post maybe idk. )

[good-beanswrites]

the mental image of shidou approaching kazui from behind like "oh, mukuhara, i had to ask you-" and kazui turns around with red eyes, fangs, and a lil blood on his face, which makes shidou give the highest pitched little yelp and nearly stumble back and fall on his ass. amane will NOT let him live it down. she saw. she saw how he screamed like a girl.

Sorry to hold onto this for so long but Thank You I was laughing so hard at this!! 😂 When I originally wrote that comment, I was picturing the easy targets like Fuuta or Haruka -- it was so much funnier to catch Shidou unawares...

Shidou rubbed two fingers to his temple. He didn’t know why filming had been starting so early the past few days. According to the schedule, Muu and Kazui were already up and working. Milgram’s team had a doctor on their staff already, but Shidou liked to be around just in case -- even after a night cut short on sleep.

It should be noted that horror films had absolutely no effect on Shidou, so joining the children’s scary movie night had not been an issue. Rather, Fuuta hanging out in his room to talk, “not scared at all,” for hours afterward kept him up. He hadn’t pulled such a late shift since he’d been working at the hospital.

“Hm… some coffee may do me well…”

He didn’t usually indulge in the drink, but a small cup of it sounded good at the moment. Now that he was working on quitting smoking, he may as well pick up another habit in its place...

The break room was dark when he arrived. He had to blink after exiting the bright white hallways of the facility. He was tempted to flick the lights on, but Kazui and Amane seemed perfectly content in the dark. The light may have been too harsh at this time of morning.

Kazui had his back to the door, pouring some coffee. Amane sat at the table off to the side. She was picking at a small breakfast. The whole scene felt... off somehow. Kazui was still in his pajamas. He never left his room like that. Amane's eyes followed Shidou all the way into the room.

“Good morning.” Shidou greeted her with a bright expression. She kept her face straight, moving some food around in front of her. She stayed silent. 

“You’re certainly up early! It’s very admirable.”

No smile.

Shidou’s expression wavered. The thought of scary movies still in the back of his mind, he couldn’t help but imagine this as a scene straight out of one. Amane’s grim silence in the darkness. Her intense green eyes fixed on him from across the room. He was glad for Kazui’s presence, else he might have actually been unsettled.

He tried to ignore his grogginess. There was nothing strange happening.

“Ah, Mukuhara. Is there enough coffee for m-eugh!” 

Kazui spun around, and Shidou found himself face to face with a monster. 

His eyes were slitted, like a wild animal’s, and bright red. Even in the dark, Shidou could clearly see the vibrant irises. There was blood spattered across his face, and his chest. He opened his mouth, revealing gleaming fangs. 

But the voice that came out was just as laid-back as usual.

“Oi, Kirisaki… I forgot I was already in costume. Looks pretty realistic, huh?”

“R-right.” Shidou willed the shock away from his face. He realized with horror he'd taken a full step backwards. He hurried to close the gap again. “The team did a good job…”  

“I’m bringing Muu some coffee while she gets her makeup done.” He lifted the cup in his hand, which had a coating of what Shidou now knew was entirely fake blood. Kazui’s smile was a bit crooked, revealing one of his fangs. He had the decency to ignore the mortifying sound that had just come from Shidou’s throat. “There should be plenty left for you, if you wanted.”

“Of course, of course. Thank you.” 

“Sorry if I surprised you,” he said. Kazui brushed by him, unable to stifle a little chuckle. 

Shidou dragged a hand down his face. He exhaled, glad to feel his pulse returning to a normal rate. His mind was far too scattered this time of morning. He glanced over at Amane. 

“I suppose you think this is funny? My surprise is merely a compliment to the makeup department.”

She kept her gaze on him. “No, it’s definitely funny. You jumped halfway across the room.”

“It was one pace backwards.”

“It was a huge jump. Plus, you screamed like a little girl.”

Now, she smiled.

[madeimpact]

Who can I bother for Quadratum threads

[the-nothing-maker]

Me a year ago : I should be careful with how I think about T... It's a tool, not a magic wand... It will not erase my problems, it's a heavy decision, I must weigh it carefully...

Me now, every time I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror : I can't believe T turned me into The Most Beautiful man on earth

[soliusss]

my autism keeps fucking me over I keep forgetting you’re supposed to lie in the job process every time I talk to someone I can feel my social interaction points physically dropping 😭

[mariakannon]

[sysig]

“He found it oddly difficult.” (Patreon)

[coldforestnight]

[nightfallsystem]

wow i still have art burnout no matter what i do....

[optimistc-apathy]

i can support this yes but it's me. i'm cringe thirteen year old self

im going to say it… lin manuel miranda is a well trained actor and is actually eating hermes up a little bit… y’all just need to let go of your thirteen year old self who was cringe about hamilton…. do not let your anger be misdirected towards an artist that lost control of his creation…

[good-beanswrites]

LCSYS ask again(undercover asker here hiiiiiaufhghghgn)thank you for responding!!!! ilovfe seeing your ideas theyre such good fuel in between trials❤️❤️

i was wondering how th prisoners would react to es’ usage of violence, like some of the younger prisoners complaining about it while the older are concerned because Hello Where did that stem from???? you cant tell me es’ “phew, i feel so much better” after hitting shidou didn’t send his mind racing a million miles per minute

ALSO curious about YONAH………… similar to how red’s violence towards es was scripted, was kotoko’s monologue about es being imperfect Also scripted, or was it on her own? yonah is probably my favourite voice drama of all time and I’m curious about how it would be interpreted in this au 🫶

Ah hello again! Thank you so much for reaching out -- every time I think I've covered everything you guys hit me with a new insane detail that makes my brain go brrrrr >:3

Because OMG I spent so much time thinking of the faked violence, I don't know why I never put as much attention on the flipside! I love the idea of Jackalope assuring them, "there will be no physical punishments. We'll talk about restraints but that's all fake. We'll make up injuries between trials but that's all fake. You don't have to worry about any real pain." And then this 15yo strolls up, interrogation one, ready to smack someone😅😅😅

Seriously though, I think it would come as a pretty big surprise to the group. They knew it was a possibility, but didn't think Es was that likely to attack, since they've made a few comments about being against violent punishments. Haruka comes back to mention the slap, and Yuno follows their instructions and says she also suffered violence, and the group is Shocked. I think it would just kill Fuuta that he wasn't allowed to hit back and avenge the others. He probably has the most complaints about the situation (and is insanely relieved that he get by in his own interrogation.) In a feeble attempt to get back at Es and make them feel bad, he encourages Muu to cry and make a big show about being afraid of them. Muu is frightened enough that it doesn't take much persuasion... I think Kotoko and unfortunately Amane wouldn't mind the threat, they both have lives in which authority showing power isn't out of place (and maybe Haruka?). Mahiru, too, thinks it's just the way a prison guard can run their prison if they want, though she's determined her charm will keep things running pleasantly.

Kazui reaches out asap* to question the legality of the experiment, since they're allowing children to get hit, even if by other children. There's a tangle of signatures and consent from everyone involved so it's okay, but the whole thing still rubs him the wrong way. He knew the experiment was a bit shady, but he(Though, this does make his first vd kind of funny -- instead of actually talking through his theories on the prison, now it feels like he's just egging Es on to see if they'll actually hit him...)

And I really like that idea that Shidou's dad instincts kick in (or maybe it's doctor instincts)! He'd understand if it was a child trying to play the role of an intimidating adult, but the way Es is doing things, the things they're saying, it all points to something deeper going on in Es' head. I can see him sitting down with the others and Jackalope to discuss. Of course Milgram gives him very little to work with, but this still kickstarts everyone's efforts to make sure Es is also taken care of post-Milgram.

*I just realized I'm still a bit fuzzy on communication during the trials. Jackalope can definitely get information to the prisoners (most commonly the 'voices' they're supposed to be hearing based on Es' notes, but also in case of emergency changes or things). I was picturing the prisoners unable to communicate outward until the trial ends, as it builds up the feeling of isolation and imprisonment. The issue is, I feel like Jackalope would want to keep that line open in case the prisoners had questions/issues with the experiment that affected their acting. So idk if the prisoners voice these concerns about Es mid-trial or they're forced to wait. I'll get back to you on that, hm

And Yonah!!

I wasn't avoiding spoilers, I actively looked for snippets here and there, but it was this ask that finally motivated me to sit down and watch it through -- and I'm SO GLAD I DID 👀 It's really well-written and wonderfully acted!! I'm floored with the whole thing omg

I really like the idea that the Milgram team instructed Kotoko to mention Es' imperfection to rattle them a bit, but left the specifics to her. Jackalope thought she'd just make some quick comment, and does a double take when he listens in on the interrogation and realizes she has a lot to say on Es and the way Milgram is run.

Jacklope told her to be harsh with Es, and she thought that was no problem at all. She felt those opinions strongly and wasn't going to go easy on the criticism just because they were a kid. She goes into the interrogation ready to stay completely put-together... and then surprises everyone and herself when Es' distress moves her to pull them into a tight hug and tell them everything's going to be alright ;---;

[heirbane]

Thinks about the lengths that Zenos went to just to find a shred of fulfillment.

Thinks about him carving up his own father and letting his local boy servant ascian turn him into a primal of decay just to fulfill his own twisted desires.

Cries a little

[david-watts]

I feel like I am being chased out of every little piece of happiness in my life