#I feel like I’M going crazy making these connections
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She had helped fuel some of your late-night study sessions through grad school. Living in a new state, she had shown up and seen you through breakups, family drama, and the stress of putting together your thesis. Even when your paths diverged, you'd managed to stay in touch.
I 100% believe this, I feel like Pepper would be a great friend (even though she's always busy)
"We're putting together an incredible team," she begins, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "I've been reaching out to some of the brightest minds in politics, economics, and social justice. We have former White House staffers, grassroots organizers, and even a few unexpected faces from the private sector who are eager to contribute their expertise."
Whatever Pepper does, she does it right and all in
"There's Maria Hill," Pepper continues, "who's handling security and intelligence briefings. She's got connections that'll be invaluable. Then there's Peter Parker - you might know him as Spider-Man - he's officially our youth outreach coordinator, but he's also got a brilliant scientific mind that we're tapping into for policy development."
Already an iconic team
“Put me to work wherever you need me!” “I was hoping you would say that because I have a very specific position I need to get filled, and you’re my first - and only - pick for the job.” “Pepper, stop holding out!” A nervous and eager laugh escapes you. “Tell me!” Her response slams into you like a freight train, knocking the air from your lungs. “Future First Lady.”
Well that's certainly a special role 😅
"A lot to take in?" you interrupt, your voice rising. "Pepper, it's insane! It’s May, and the election is in November. How could I possibly be the First Lady?" Pepper holds up a hand, trying to calm you. "I know, I know. Let me explain."
She's like: I already thought this all through, no worries
“We have an opportunity to show what a healthy partnership in marriage could look like to new generations. You’re my first and only choice because of your skills, experience, and the vision I know you would bring to the table. But you’re also my first and only choice because I think you two are well-suited for each other.”
But she certainly does have great arguments 🤷🏻♀️ if someone would get me, a person that doesn't believe to much into marriage, to marry a person for strategic purposes it would certainly be Pepper 😅
You frown. “What does he expect?” you ask. And then you perk up even more. “Has he agreed to this? Shouldn’t he at least be here to make the offer himself?” Pepper sighs. “It was easier for me to convince him to run in the first place than to agree that he needed a wife.”
Hahahah😂
“President Bartlet?” you can’t help the awe in your voice. “I’d skip out on breakfast with me, too.” “I hope I’m not a disappointment of a substitute,” Sam teases. “Since we’ll be working together as part of the senior staff, I volunteered because I was eager to finally meet you.” His smile is genuine, and you feel the absolute truth of his sentiment. It melts away some of your disappointment and worry.
Meeting Sam first is probably even better, he is a great wingman 😉
In return, your smile becomes a little warmer and easier. “I can’t help being a little disappointed - since I was hoping to finally meet my future husband - but he’s unemployed and you’re technically Captain America, so I guess it’s really an upgrade.” Sam laughs. “Oh, I’m going to love you, I can tell.”
This is good sign
"It's part of the package," Sam agrees. "But so is having a team of people who have your back, no matter what." He leans forward, his eyes meeting yours intently. "I want you to know that includes me. We're not just colleagues in this; we're family."
🥹🥹🥹
Sam leans back in his chair, considering your question carefully. "Crazy? Maybe," he admits with a small smile. "But then again, I've seen a lot of crazy things in my time with the Avengers. This? This actually feels like one of the more normal things I've been part of."
Well, fair 😅
You feel your cheeks flush slightly. "His type?" "Smart, independent, passionate about making a difference," Sam lists off. “Your work in non-profits, your passion for social justice - that's right up Steve's alley. Plus, you've got that whole 'take no crap' vibe that he needs. I have a sense about these things, and you have it.” You laugh, feeling some of the tension dissipate. "Well, I'll take your word for it. Though I have to admit, the idea of being Steve Rogers' 'type' is a bit surreal."
🤭🤭🤭
As Sam talks, you find yourself leaning in, captivated by these glimpses of reality, getting to know more about the man behind the myth. And even if the next twenty-four hours will be a whirlwind of you choosing and getting fitted for your wedding dress; interviewing candidates that have been vetted for your personal staff - assistant, pr strategist, stylist, initiative director; and a bachelorette party; you feel like you’ll be able to face it all with the bit of reassurance you’ve gained by spending this time with Sam.
Getting a pep talk by Sam Wilson, the Captain America does just that 👏🏻
Red, White & True: Manhattan & Brooklyn (1/?)
Characters/Pairings: Steve Rogers (future x curvy Millennial Female!Reader), Pepper Potts, Sam Wilson Word Count: 4k Summary: "There was an idea..." Words at the heart of what brought the Avengers together. Pepper Potts has persuaded Steve Rogers to step up and help again - but this time in a battle to The White House. She invites you to consider a key position.
Content/Warnings: none
Notes: This takes place in a post-Endgame scenario where Steve stays and generally most of TFATWS happened.
Prologue | Series
↠ Main Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest
[MAY 15 - Manhattan, New York]
You try not to hold still while you wait in the lobby, but you’re nervous and the longer you sit, the more difficult it is to resist drumming your fingers, tapping your foot, jiggling your right leg as it’s crossed over your left, or even just chewing on your bottom lip.
You’re not anxious at all over meeting with Pepper, but what has you on alert is the possibility that you could theoretically meet Steve Rogers, former Captain America, today.
You take a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves. The lobby of Stark Industries is immaculate, all sleek lines and modern design. The large windows let in plenty of natural light, making the space feel open and inviting despite its corporate purpose.
Your mind wanders back to your college days when you’d walked into a different Stark Industries lobby for the first time, a hopeful intern wanting to make a difference at the then-new Stark Foundation office. Pepper had been very involved in building the Foundation at the time, and had become a key mentor and - as the years passed and you left Stark Industries - a dear friend. She had helped fuel some of your late-night study sessions through grad school. Living in a new state, she had shown up and seen you through breakups, family drama, and the stress of putting together your thesis. Even when your paths diverged, you'd managed to stay in touch.
Back then, she’d become like the older sister you never had, seeing you through some of the difficult years figuring out how to be a real adult. Now, here you are, waiting to potentially join a presidential campaign she’s orchestrating for none other than Steve Rogers.
The receptionist's voice startles you out of your reverie. "Ms. Potts will see you now."
You stand, smoothing down your carefully chosen outfit - professional, but not stuffy. As you follow the receptionist down the hallway, your mind races with possibilities. What position could Pepper have in mind for you? Your background in political science and your years working in non-profit management seem like they could be useful, but you can't help feeling a little out of your depth.
As you approach Pepper's office, you take a deep breath to steady yourself. The door opens, and there she is - Pepper Potts, looking as poised and confident as ever in a crisp white blouse and tailored navy suit. Her strawberry blonde hair is pulled back in a neat ponytail, and her smile is warm and welcoming.
"It's so good to see you," she says, embracing you in a quick hug. "Come in, please."
You step into her spacious office, taking in the floor-to-ceiling windows with a breathtaking view of the city skyline. Pepper gestures to a comfortable-looking chair across from her desk, and you sit, trying to keep your nerves in check.
"I appreciate you coming on such short notice," Pepper begins. "I know it's been a few years since we’ve been able to catch up - even before the Blip.”
You were among the half who disappeared - still such a strange concept to grasp though you were supposedly settled back in. “I was happy to come! And of course I don’t mind a trip on the Stark Industries dime,” you say with a grin.
"Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee?"
You shake your head. "I'm fine, thanks."
Pepper settles into her chair, folding her hands on the desk. "So, I know I told you we’re putting together the campaign team for Rogers for America, but I'm sure you're wondering more specifically why I called you here."
You nod, leaning forward in your chair, eager to hear Pepper’s vision.
"We're putting together an incredible team," she begins, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "I've been reaching out to some of the brightest minds in politics, economics, and social justice. We have former White House staffers, grassroots organizers, and even a few unexpected faces from the private sector who are eager to contribute their expertise."
You are instantly intrigued, trying to imagine the caliber of people she's describing. Your mind races with possibilities - perhaps that brilliant campaign manager who orchestrated the upset victory in the last Senate race, or the economist whose revolutionary ideas about sustainable development have been making waves in academic circles.
"We've got strategists who are anticipating every move our opponents might make," Pepper continues, "and communications experts who can craft messages that will resonate with voters across the political spectrum.”
You listen intently, trying to pinpoint where you might fit into this powerhouse group.
"There's Maria Hill," Pepper continues, "who's handling security and intelligence briefings. She's got connections that'll be invaluable. Then there's Peter Parker - you might know him as Spider-Man - he's officially our youth outreach coordinator, but he's also got a brilliant scientific mind that we're tapping into for policy development."
Your eyebrows raise at the mention of Spider-Man.
Pepper leans forward, her eyes locking with yours. "But here's the thing - we're not just assembling a team of political operatives and policy experts. We need people who understand the heart of what we're trying to do, who can see the bigger picture and help keep us grounded in our core values."
Your heart begins to race as you start to realize where this might be going.
"That's where you come in," Pepper says, a warm smile spreading across her face. "I've watched your career over the years, how you've navigated the non-profit world, building coalitions and making real change happen. You have a gift for bringing people together, for seeing connections that others miss. Your experience gives you a unique perspective that we desperately need."
Your heart races as you process her words. You had assumed you might be offered some kind of advisory role, perhaps in fundraising or event planning. Maybe even appearance management or offering occasional input on strategy. But from Pepper's tone, it sounds like she has something more substantial in mind.
"Where do you see me on this team?" you ask, trying to keep your voice steady.
"I've been putting a lot of thought into this," Pepper continues, her voice filled with conviction. “You know we’re doing something unconventional. Did you read the presidential plan?”
You nod. Steve’s bid for President of the United States was still technically not public knowledge. You had signed an NDA - being told only that you were receiving a proposal Pepper wanted your input and consultation on, with potential to join the team if you supported the initiative, and just silence if you didn’t.
“It’s bold, idealistic, aspirational; but it’s also unapologetic, has clear plans of action, and could be transformational in ways we haven’t seen in living memory,” you give your assessment.
“And it’s something you could see yourself being a part of?”
You take a deep breath, but smile genuinely. “I couldn’t sleep the first night after you sent it over. I couldn’t stop reading, hoping, re-reading, imagining possibilities!”
“Good,” Pepper responds. “Perfect.”
“Put me to work wherever you need me!”
“I was hoping you would say that because I have a very specific position I need to get filled, and you’re my first - and only - pick for the job.”
“Pepper, stop holding out!” A nervous and eager laugh escapes you. “Tell me!”
Her response slams into you like a freight train, knocking the air from your lungs.
“Future First Lady.”
You feel your jaw drop in shock, almost hitting the ground as your mind races with disbelief and anger. The room feels like it's spinning as you struggle to process the weight of her words.
"What?" you gasp, your voice barely above a whisper. "Pepper, I... I don't understand. First Lady? But that would mean..."
Pepper holds up a hand, her expression serious. "We're not just running a campaign here. We're trying to redefine what leadership looks like in this country. Steve is an incredible man, and he needs a partner who understands the complexities of modern America, not just a trophy wife, someone who can connect with people from all walks of life."
You shake your head, still reeling. "But I'm not - I mean, Steve and I aren't even - we've never even met!"
"I know," Pepper says softly. "That's part of the plan. We want to show that leadership isn't about who you're married to or what your last name is. It's about vision, compassion, and the ability to bring people together."
Pepper leans back in her chair, her expression at least revealing some concern over your reaction. "I know it's a lot to take in."
"A lot to take in?" you interrupt, your voice rising. "Pepper, it's insane! It’s May, and the election is in November. How could I possibly be the First Lady?"
Pepper holds up a hand, trying to calm you. "I know, I know. Let me explain."
But you're on a roll now, your initial shock giving way to indignation. "Explain what? How you thought it was okay to offer me a position that requires me to be married to a stranger? Use me to score points?”
"I understand your reaction," Pepper says calmly, "but please, hear me out. This isn't about scoring political points or creating some sham marriage. We're trying to redefine what leadership looks like in this country."
You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself. "Go on," you say, your voice tight, “because you’re still trotting out marriage.”
"We can’t outright ignore traditional expectations and polling numbers. If Steve were running as the nominee for either of the major parties, we could probably win without him being married, but since he’s running as an independent, he needs a wife. That being said, we want to move away from the traditional concept of the First Lady as just the President's wife," Pepper explains. "The vision is a First Partnership. Two people who work together. There’ve been a few First Ladies who have done more with their platform and position, and that’s what we would want for you, too.”
You chew on your lip, not persuaded yet, but a little less angry.
“We have an opportunity to show what a healthy partnership in marriage could look like to new generations. You’re my first and only choice because of your skills, experience, and the vision I know you would bring to the table. But you’re also my first and only choice because I think you two are well-suited for each other.”
You open your mouth to protest, but Pepper raises her hand to stop you.
“You and Steve don’t have to put on a show and be madly in love - that’s not what I want, that’s not what he wants or expects either.”
You frown. “What does he expect?” you ask. And then you perk up even more. “Has he agreed to this? Shouldn’t he at least be here to make the offer himself?”
Pepper sighs. “It was easier for me to convince him to run in the first place than to agree that he needed a wife.”
“But you’re telling me he did agree?”
Pepper nods. “He did.”
You unconsciously rub the empty space on your left ring finger. “Couldn’t we just get engaged and leave the question of a marriage for whether or not he wins?”
A soft laugh falls from Pepper’s mouth. “He actually asked the same thing.”
“And…?” You raise your eyes expectantly.
“The public would rake us over the coals and accuse us of only doing it as a publicity stunt. The campaign would become a gossip column on your relationship status and nothing more.”
“But isn’t it a publicity stunt?”
“We can spin a marriage that seems to appear out of nowhere. Steve’s always been a private person when it comes to his personal life. We will tell people you met through me - which is true. I thought you were well-suited for each other - which I do. When people asked why the wedding just before announcing his bid for the presidency, we tell them you two didn’t want your relationship status to become the big question on everyone’s minds so they can focus on the platforms and policies instead and that every marriage takes work regardless of the length of the courtship.”
You sit in stunned silence for a moment, trying to process everything Pepper has said. The idea of marrying someone you've never met, let alone becoming the First Lady of the United States, seems utterly surreal. And yet, there's a part of you that's intrigued by the challenge, by the opportunity to make a real difference on such a grand scale.
"I need some time to think about this," you finally say, your voice barely above a whisper.
Pepper nods understandingly. "Of course. It's a lot to take in. But I want you to know that I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't think you were perfect for this role. Not just as a political partner, but as someone who could genuinely connect with Steve."
You raise an eyebrow. "You really think we'd be well-suited?"
"I do," Pepper says with confidence and warmth.
You rub your ring finger again, but this time you see Pepper’s eyes drop to watch your unconscious action, and you quickly stop. Her eyes, when you meet them again, are full of sympathy. You both lost husbands, but you don’t want to talk about it, yet again, and you don’t want to bring up a painful subject for her either.
She can read that in your tight-lipped smile.
So instead she says, “I can give you three days to think it over.”
You sigh and rise from your seat to go. “I don’t know if that’s long enough, but if you give me three days or three weeks, I don’t think it will change my decision I’ll land on. Give me the night to sleep on it. I think I’ll know by tomorrow morning.”
[JUNE 4 - Brooklyn, New York]
Three weeks later, your life has been packed up and put in a truck on its way to the new brownstone in Brooklyn that’s been acquired for you and Steve to move into, and you’re sitting at a table in a café a few blocks away, waiting to meet your future husband for the first time over breakfast. Every time the bell rings over the door, you dart your head to see if it’s him, but he’s evidently running late.
As you wait, checking to see if you have any messages on your phone, the bell over the door chimes once more. This time, when you look up, your breath catches in your throat. A tall, athletic man with dark skin and an easy smile has entered the café. You recognize him immediately as Sam Wilson, the new Captain America. Your heart sinks a little as you realize Steve isn't with him.
Sam spots you and makes his way over, his stride confident but casual. As he approaches, you notice the way his eyes scan the room, a habit born from years of military training and superhero work. He's dressed in civilian clothes - a leather jacket over a simple t-shirt and jeans - but there's no mistaking the aura of strength and capability that surrounds him.
"You must be the future Mrs. Rogers," Sam says with a warm smile, extending his hand. "I'm Sam Wilson. Steve asked me to come apologize and explain - and to have breakfast with you, if you’ll have me.”
You nod, forcing a smile, and shake his hand. "Of course. I understand.” You motion toward the chair across the table from you, inviting him to sit. “I know campaign prep must keep him incredibly busy."
Ever since you’d accepted the proposition to marry Steve Rogers and join him on the campaign trail to the White House, your own life had turned upside down, giving you hardly any time to breathe, and you’d been told this was only a mild version of what your own schedule was going to look like once Steve formally announced.
“Former President Bartlet agreed to meet with him, and the schedules ended up aligning this morning for Steve to go up to New Hampshire for a sit down,” Sam explains.
“President Bartlet?” you can’t help the awe in your voice. “I’d skip out on breakfast with me, too.”
“I hope I’m not a disappointment of a substitute,” Sam teases. “Since we’ll be working together as part of the senior staff, I volunteered because I was eager to finally meet you.”
His smile is genuine, and you feel the absolute truth of his sentiment. It melts away some of your disappointment and worry.
In return, your smile becomes a little warmer and easier. “I can’t help being a little disappointed - since I was hoping to finally meet my future husband - but he’s unemployed and you’re technically Captain America, so I guess it’s really an upgrade.”
Sam laughs. “Oh, I’m going to love you, I can tell.”
“Just promise me he’ll actually be at the ceremony tomorrow?” you ask. Your tone is light, but Sam calls your bluff.
His laughter fades, replaced by a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, he'll be there. Wild horses couldn't keep him away. Or androids. Or aliens. Or wizards. Or..." He trails off, realizing he might be overdoing it. "You get the idea."
You nod, appreciating Sam's attempt at humor. "I hope so. It would be pretty awkward to explain to the press why the groom was a no-show at his own wedding."
"Trust me, Steve takes this very seriously," Sam says, his tone becoming more earnest. "He may not know you yet, but he respects you and the commitment you're making. He's not the type to back out or let you down."
You nod, feeling a mix of relief and nervousness. "I suppose I should get used to schedule changes and last-minute adjustments," you say, trying to keep your tone light.
"It's part of the package," Sam agrees. "But so is having a team of people who have your back, no matter what." He leans forward, his eyes meeting yours intently. "I want you to know that includes me. We're not just colleagues in this; we're family."
His words touch you deeply, and you feel a bloom of warmth in your chest, the firs time you’ve felt grounded since you agreed to do this. "Thank you, Sam," you manage to say. "That means a lot."
The waitress approaches, he orders coffee, and you both order breakfast.
As she walks away, you take a sip of the drink you’d ordered while you were waiting before, mulling over Sam's words. "Can I ask you something, Sam? You know Steve better than almost anyone. Do you think...?”
You hesitate, uncertain if you should voice your doubts to Sam. But his open, friendly demeanor encourages you to continue, and you’re going to need to learn to trust this new circle of people you’ll be surrounded with.
"Do you think this is crazy?" you finally ask, your voice barely above a whisper. "Marrying someone I've never even met, maybe becoming First Lady... it all feels so surreal."
Sam leans back in his chair, considering your question carefully. "Crazy? Maybe," he admits with a small smile. "But then again, I've seen a lot of crazy things in my time with the Avengers. This? This actually feels like one of the more normal things I've been part of."
You can't help but chuckle at that, some of the tension easing from your shoulders.
"Look," Sam continues, his tone becoming more serious. "I won't lie to you. It's not going to be easy. The scrutiny, the pressure, the constant demands on your time and energy - it's going to be a lot. But if anyone can handle it, it's Steve. And from what I've heard about you, I think you're up for the challenge, too."
Sam pauses as the waitress returns with your breakfasts and his coffee. Once she's gone, he continues, "Steve doesn't do anything halfway. When he commits to something, he's all in. And he's committed to this - to you, to this campaign, to trying to make a real difference."
You nod, appreciating his honesty. "And what about... us? Steve and me, I mean. Do you think we can make this work? Not just for the campaign, but as a real partnership?"
Sam's eyes soften. "Steve's one of the best men I know. He's loyal, compassionate, and has a moral compass that doesn't quit. But he's also been through a lot, and he can be... guarded. It might take some time for him to open up fully."
You absorb this information, feeling a mix of apprehension and curiosity about your future husband. "I appreciate your honesty, Sam," you say softly. "I guess we'll both be navigating uncharted waters."
Sam nods, taking a sip of his coffee before responding. "True, but you won't be doing it alone. Not only do you have the support of the team, but I think you and Steve might surprise yourselves. You both have a strong sense of purpose, a desire to help others. That's a solid foundation to build on."
You pick at your breakfast, mulling over Sam's words. "I just hope we can find some common ground beyond the campaign," you admit.
Sam leans in, his expression earnest. "Like I said, when Steve commits to something, he gives it his all. That includes relationships. He may be reserved at first, but once he lets you in, you'll have his unwavering loyalty and support."
You nod, feeling a bit more reassured. "I appreciate that. I’m not some hopeless romantic, I’m not looking to be swept off my feet, but I just hope we can find some chemistry, some spark beyond just being political partners."
Sam chuckles. "Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about that. Steve might be from the 1940s, but he's still a red-blooded man. And you," he gestures at you with his fork, "are definitely his type."
You feel your cheeks flush slightly. "His type?"
"Smart, independent, passionate about making a difference," Sam lists off. “
Your work in non-profits, your passion for social justice - that's right up Steve's alley. Plus, you've got that whole 'take no crap' vibe that he needs. I have a sense about these things, and you have it.”
You laugh, feeling some of the tension dissipate. "Well, I'll take your word for it. Though I have to admit, the idea of being Steve Rogers' 'type' is a bit surreal."
Sam grins. "Trust me, once you two actually meet, you'll see what I mean. Just don't let that 'aw shucks' routine fool you. He might look like an all-American boy scout, but there's a lot more going on under the surface."
You raise an eyebrow. "Oh? Do tell."
Sam shakes his head, still smiling. "Nah, I'll let you discover that for yourself. Where's the fun if I spoil all the surprises?"
You roll your eyes good-naturedly. "Fine, keep your secrets. But seriously, Sam, thank you. For breakfast, for the pep talk, for everything. I'm really glad I got to meet you before tomorrow."
"Me too," Sam says, raising his coffee mug in a mock toast. "To new beginnings and unexpected partnerships."
You clink your own mug against his, feeling a surge of warmth and camaraderie. As you finish your breakfast, the conversation flows easily between you and Sam. He regales you with stories of his adventures with Steve, carefully omitting any classified details but painting a vivid picture of the man you're about to marry.
You learn about Steve's dry sense of humor, his unwavering loyalty to his friends, and his surprising skill at sketching. Sam describes missions where Steve's quick thinking saved the day, but also quieter moments - movie nights with the team, intense debates over board games, and Steve's ongoing struggle to catch up on pop culture.
As Sam talks, you find yourself leaning in, captivated by these glimpses of reality, getting to know more about the man behind the myth. And even if the next twenty-four hours will be a whirlwind of you choosing and getting fitted for your wedding dress; interviewing candidates that have been vetted for your personal staff - assistant, pr strategist, stylist, initiative director; and a bachelorette party; you feel like you’ll be able to face it all with the bit of reassurance you’ve gained by spending this time with Sam.
next part: LAS VEGAS & CLEVELAND
↠ Main Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest
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This story will have 3-4 chapters, depending on where I split up the narrative. I anticipate about a chapter a week, usually posted on Fridays.
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Full (Super)Moon in Taurus Messages!
Pile 1 - Pile 2 - Pile 3
Remember, this is a general reading and it may not resonate for everyone or completely. Tarot is a tool to help guide but you are responsible for your actions and life, you choose your path.
Tips!
I want to preface this reading by clarifying that I’m not an astrologer! I enjoy it and I read about different events. On November 15, 2024, we will encounter the Full Supermoon in Taurus. This will be the last supermoon of the year! A supermoon is when the moon appears bigger and brighter in the sky, this one coming a little closer than usual. It magnifies the already heightened energies of a full moon. With it being in Taurus, the usual crazy energies will seem more grounded by this earth sign. However, the moon also aligns with Uranus and Neptune, so even if the energy is grounded, it will also push the boundaries of comfortability to help stimulate growth. Remember: evolving and adaptability is key to survival. Neptune will heighten emotions and psychic senses, so pay attention to dreams. But the main focus will be more in the material realm.
Pile 1
Tarot: Eight of Pentacles, Ten of Swords, Two of Wands, Seven of Cups, Nine of Cups, Six of Swords, Page of Cups, Six of Cups, Eight of Cups, Ace of Swords, Six of Pentacles
Oracle: Forgiveness (horizontal), Good Luck, Confidence, Beauty, Finding
In one of your cards, more specifically the seven of cups, there is an image of two frogs. Frogs can symbolize adaptability, like this moon-Uranus lineup. For some of you, especially since Taurus is linked to Venus (the planet of love, connections, beauty), there could be a message here for people in connections or are wanting to get a connection off the ground. You could be trying out different solutions to any hiccups in your relationships to see if it works. Or you could be willing to see where a new connection goes (could be with someone that you would usually not go for). There is a sense of going with the flow and not having an exact plan. This could make a lot of people uncomfortable, but this lunation tells us that we are pushing our limits a little bit. This person that seems like a gamble could be a wish you have been asking for! I think you two probably have to cultivate together a little for you to see that they are your wish fulfilment.
On the other hand, the frogs also look like a mirror reflection. This love could honestly be with yourself. You are taking the time to work on yourself and to carve yourself out of clay until you’re at your ideal you or ideal life. This could be another wish fulfilment. There is a sense of finally finding yourself after a while. You could honestly be feeling more beautiful and confident within yourself. Especially with other astrological events that deal with ending long and difficult chapters, you could honestly be at the point where you have broken out of people-pleasing ways. It doesn’t mean you don’t care or you don’t have empathy, but you are done helping people that won’t help you.
That being said, you could be leaving a job that wasn’t healthy for you. Somehow you leave, firing or quitting, but it’s a blessing in disguise because it seems like you are looking to chase your dreams. What’s on the other side is something that is worth working hard for. For some, this could just be a promotion. You could be leaving a position that sucks and be promoted into a position that you’ve really wanted and could’ve studied really hard for.
Okay. As I’m doing your reading, I just realized that the cards of this deck create an image when put side by side. And it is 2:22 AM. I’m gonna take it as a sign. Everything will feel like it’s aligning. Especially if you have been dealing with things falling apart or not working out.
There is also a sense of moving on. You are probably someone who hasn’t gotten apologies from people who have hurt/wronged you and it used to eat you up. I think you have gotten over the fact that you won’t get these apologies. If they do end up apologizing it feels more like a “thank you” from you and not an “I accept your apology.” And since you’ve let go of this situation it gives room for good luck and new situations.
Pile 2
Tarot: Five of Cups, Nine of Pentacles, Ace of Cups, The Sun, Six of Wands, Two of Wands, Eight of Cups, Four of Pentacles, Knight of Cups, Ten of Pentacles, Four of Wands, Two of Pentacles, Queen of Cups
Oracle: Finding, Strength, New Beginnings
Before I start with the cards, I want to say that one of the messages I heard was “One of the books you’ve been waiting for is coming out earlier than expected.”
I feel like your oracle cards are a full message in yourself, “Finding the strength in new beginnings.” I think a lot of people are feeling a desire to say “fuck it” and go after something they want. There is a feeling of wasting time being stuck in something that isn’t fulfilling. This energy is carried over from pile 1 but you seem more urgent about it.
The world is seemingly falling apart and there is a feeling of not wanting to waste time on something that doesn’t make you happy. And you could be feeling the need to follow your heart. There is a goal that you can’t keep your mind off of but it seemed risky before but you are reaching the point where it seems like it won’t hurt to try. It will feel temporarily uncomfortable in the moment (there’s that Uranus energy) but I feel like you have a strong enough foundation to pick yourself up even if there’s a hiccup on the journey. Life is too short not to at least fulfil even the smallest of dreams (which could feel big to you). I think you will be very cheap with your money when you take the leap to walk away but I think it’s a smart idea. As long as you’re following your gut. If something is screaming at you that it’s wrong, then you can find a safety zone. But if it just makes you a little nervous, I think that’s where you will find the most growth. Following dreams will always feel risky.
The message here is to trust yourself. There is a new beginning on the horizon if you find the strength to muscle through a little uncomfortability. Even though your safety bubble is comfy to be in, your dreams won’t happen unless you step out of it (even if it’s just to take a small step). I think you’d be really proud of yourself and how you transform even from a small step towards your goal. (There are blue butterflies in each of your oracle cards.)
Pile 3
Tarot: Page of Swords, Queen of Wands, Page of Wands, Ten of Cups, Eight of Cups, The World, Two of Swords, Two of Cups, Four of Cups, Justice, Page of Cups
Oracle: Empowerment, Talent, Fertility, Friendship
Okay, breathe with me. Breathe in…1…2…3. Breathe out. Again! Breathe in…1…2…3. Breathe out. Before I even pulled the cards, they were giving me a hard time shuffling and it would only go if I relaxed and took a breath. They would also only start shuffling if I did it in a certain direction. Some of you are being stubborn about how you are doing something or you’re stuck in a freeze response. Relax, baby. Lemme see what the cards say. Breathe.
I just wanna get a message out of the way before I carry on to the more general ones. This could just be for one person but one of you could fall pregnant. This pregnancy could come out of the blue and everything seems overwhelming. Maybe you wanted a family but it’s far sooner than you expected or maybe you are going to be a single parent. I want to say that I believe everything is going to work out and your friends are more than willing to help out. Or it’s telling to you rely on your friends during this time.
Alright! So I think you have been bottling up your emotions and thoughts for far too long. The anxious feeling that I was feeling was probably you not speaking up for yourself and now you’re feeling disempowered. You have a very passionate and fiery soul underneath the meek page of swords, Pile 3. Speak up! What you have to say matters and I think you’ll be surprised with how much your thoughts are needed. Even if there is backlash, you will feel a whole lot better once you have gotten your emotions off your chest and thoughts out of your head! It’s not easy but I think it will become easier with time. You also could have a bunch of new ideas for something that could be beneficial. I think all of this mostly takes place in a work environment but take it and apply it to your situation.
There could also be a message of turning to your friends at this time. They could offer some encouragement. But once you put everything on the table, I think you’ll be surprised with how things work in your favour.
Decks Used: Ethereal Visions Illuminated Tarot Deck by Matt Hughes, Spellcasting Oracle by Flavia Kate Peters and Barbara Meiklejohn-Free, Oriens Tarot Deck (Mini) by Ambisun, Mystical Manga Tarot by Rann and Barbara Moore
Dividers: @inklore
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too rough..
content warming: rough sex, dirty talk, stomach issues (he tore your shit up), breeding, aftercare, little bit of begging, whiny dom! eren, sub! reader, enjoy!
summary: Eren just can’t control himself when he’s inside your pretty pussy! He goes so rough that you have cramps, don’t worry though. Your renny would never ever just leave you like that! Forgive him?
“Heyyy baby…” Eren coos while rubbing your back gently, his weight putting a dent in the bed as he sat next to your cradled body. Your knees to your chest with the blanket over your body. You nudged your body forward a little before wincing at the pain that shot through your tummy.
It was all his fault!! You had the whole day planned out! You were gonna go on a coffee run, go on a target shopping spree, maybe even grab a bite to eat! But nooo…
Don’t get it twisted you love your pretty boy, so much! He just has a problem.. an addiction.. to your pussy. Last night was the 3rd time this week he woke you up in the middle of the night to have sex!!!
I mean.. you weren’t sleeping anyways.. but that’s not the point!!! You were getting there, ok?!
“please don’t be like that.. I said sorry..”
“…”
“really? Silent treatment?”
“…my stomach hurts”
“i know baby, I’m sorry I brought you some aleve and water”
Eren kneeled in front of you as you sat up from your fetal position holding your stomach. You took the pills and drank the water while staring at him.. god he was so pretty
His forearms resting on his knees as his head was tilted to the side, you watched as he brung his tattooed hands up to your things rubbing them slowly. You couldn’t help but let your mind wander off to what happened last night
“fuck! too r-rough ren!” you screamed for the millionth time tonight.
“pussy feels so. fuckin. good. babyyyy… oh my god i love you so much” he whined as he continued fucking himself out in your pretty cunny
You layed your head back down as he gave you the most lethal backshots known to man, you tried putting your hand on his abdomen but that didn’t work.. he was saying things like
“shitt.. no, not right now baby. please don’t keep this from me right now”
“please baby please just let me have it. All of it”
“Stop doing that..! I need this so badly, please let me make the both of us feel good baby.”
All you could do was whine along with him! You both were so pathetic. Fucking each other stupid at 1 in the morning. Your eyes rolling back as you bit the blanket. His hips having a mind of their own, his cheeks dusted a baby pink, his eyes furrowed in pleasure, and his mouth hanging open as he watched where you both connected.
You started to throw it back a little on him, you hated seeing him do all the work. You never wanted to be a pillow princess. You love pleasing your man, and man did he love you pleasing him
“shit! you trynna one up me baby?”
“n-no.. just wanna make you feel good”
“makin’ me feel real good baby”
He let out a shaky sigh before grabbing your hips and ramming into you with all his might. You squealed into the blanket as you took his harsh strokes. Eventually you felt a tingly feeling building up in your stomach, Eren knew before you could say anything to him.
“I know baby i feel it, just let it go.. fuck me…”
“want you to cum with me!”
“fuck! You’re driving me crazy y/n… shit im gonna cum, cum with me please baby please”
You came on instant a loud moan leaving your lips as your eyes crossed and squeezed you eyes shut, a loud groan coming immediately after.
All that could be heard were heavy breaths and squelching as eren rode out both of your highs. He finally pulled out and laid down next to you, only to find you already dead asleep. He kissed your forehead before drifting off himself
“if you keep staring at me like that you’re gonna be complaining about your tummy for the rest of the week” he said poking the flesh and giggling after you kick his calf.
“Just jokes beautiful, come on, I got you a surprise” he says getting up and walking to the door before turning around and seeing you still on the bed.
“hey, baby.. im really sorry i went so rough yesterday. You have every right to be angry-”
“im not angry ren.”
“so why aren’t you coming wit-”
“I can’t walk…”
His mouth opens in realization before walking out with explanation, then back in with a bunch of presents. Your favorite drink, snacks, new plushies for your collection. Some bags from your favorite store.
You smiled and held your arms out for him to hug you, he put everything on the bed and walked over to your side of the bed with a smile
“I love you rennie”
“I love you more baby.”
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I Own You
This is a story for the anon who requested dark axl rose who is a villain and he seduces the reader.
I wrote axl as a gang!leader this will be a dark erotic thriller. I hope you like it, anon.
Don’t go out after curfew as the city of los angeles is terrorized by a gang, led by it’s seductive leader axl rose.
Warnings: axl is a gang!leader, smut including: knife-play, blood-play, threesome, an orgy and mention of orgy, fem!slash and mention of fem!slash, violence, drug use, language and strong sexual language. (I went a little crazy with this story)
Minors please don’t interact
Los Angeles is an interesting place to live. Everything is normal during the day when the city-folk would go to school or work. It seems like a nice place to raise a family. There is a catch, don’t go out after curfew as LA was owned and being terrorized by a gang.
Surprisingly, the population never hear the debauchery and violence that happens during the night. You see, this gang has connections to businesses including the local pharmaceutical company who sells a pill that people take at night so all they hear is silence.
The gang is called, The Family and is led by a seductive leader named Axl Rose. The group includes Axl’s inner circle of men and a young girl named Quinn. Quinn joined the gang after her father sold her to payoff a debt he had with the group.
Quinn is still a high school student and is allowed to go out during the day. While in school, Quinn became best friends with Y/N when she was new to town and didn’t know anyone. The moment Quinn met you she knew you’d be a perfect mate for Axl and birth his child who will take over the gang if he is ever got caught by police.
Quinn made sure to rush home to the family and tell them about Y/N. She found out you work the night-shift at a porn shop which means you would have to walk home in the dark after curfew. A perfect way for Axl to meet his pet.
You usually kept the door locked as you stock merchandise and hang around the cash register while reading romance novels.
You suddenly hear the sound of a shot-gun and a woman scream. You get scared but are curious about what happened. You look out the window and see a man with long hair and a bandana. He has the woman who screamed by her shirt collar that was ripped.
You felt yourself get heated as you watched him kiss the woman as her boyfriend lay dead. Turning away from the window, you couldn’t bear to watch the sight. Still feeling curious, you turn back to watch as the mysterious man fucked the woman out in the open street.
Feeling yourself unlock the door, you ran outside and yelled, “HEY, LEAVE HER ALONE YOU BITCH!!”.
He lets the woman go and as she ran off. He looked at you, annoyed. You start to panic as you run back to the shop your parents own, but the man is too fast for you and grabs you as you try and get away from him.
Pushing you against the door, he pulls out a knife and puts it against your neck as you turn away from him in fright.
“Did you like the show, darling”. He asks you with an evil smile.
You look at him innocently trying to give him a silent message to let you go. When you don’t say anything he puts his head on your neck and breathes in your scent. You roll your eyes as you feel yourself get turned on. You moan when you feel him bite your neck. Finally getting out of his embrace, you safely get in the shop.
“I’m gonna get you!” You hear the man say as he chuckles. Feeling a bit of excitement in your pussy, you make sure to lock the door as a fight breaks outside a bank and the man runs off to join his friends.
****
That night you couldn't sleep as images of what happen haunted your dreams. Worried that the man had given you a threat, you begged your parents if you could at least stay at home.
Your parents refused saying the hard work would do you good. At school the next morning, you greeted Quinn and asked her if she would hang-out with you at the shop that evening as protection. She seemed more of a bad-ass herself than you ever did.
You enter the school and see her at the cafe reviewing her notes for the morning math test.
"Hey, Quinn!” You call out to her.
“Listen, I need some help. My parents own a shop in town and always make me work the night shift. I need a friend to look after me and since you are the coolest chick in school I was wondering if you would join me?”
Quinn was silent as she thought for a moment. You are worried she would think it’s a stupid idea. Little did you know, she had other ideas.
“I will help you but you have to come to a house party I am throwing once we are finished”.
You sighed in relief and planned to meet Quinn after school so you could walk her to the porn shop. You are a little embarrassed at what she would think of it. What you don’t know is she is surrounded by sex at a daily basis in her home.
Once it was the end of the day, Quinn agreed to walk with you to work. It was slowly getting dark and you are nervous that this mysterious gang would attack you and Quinn. You didn’t realize that she was a member of the gang and as long as you are with her you will not be harmed. There was already talk from Axl, who had met you the night before that no other man from the group could touch you.
As you walked through the dark streets you thought you saw the man from the night before. You noticed a strip-club get raided and you gasped when you saw him. When he saw you, you grab Quinn’s hand and run to your shop which was just down the road. You screamed as you saw the man chase after you. You swear you heard him call Quinn’s name but you are too frightened to care.
Finally getting to the shop, you are too late as the man was able to push his way in.
“Hey, darling I knew I’d get you”. He laughed in glee.
“Leave her alone, Axl”. Quinn told him off.
Even though Quinn was the youngest in the gang she had a fierce attitude.
“Shut up Quinn, you know what happens when you are a bad girl”.
“Wait, you two know each other.” You say in disbelief.
Quinn introduced you to Axl as he smiled at you. You turn away, you can’t look at him. You had heard night-time stories about Axl and his gang of misfits. These stories would keep you up at night fearing for your life. There was a rumour that Axl’s gang would collect forgotten youth, more like forgotten women for their sexual pleasure. Women whose families gave up on them, but that was just a rumour, right?!
“Get out of here, Axl we’ll see you at the party later.”
Axl winks at you as he leaves the shop. To say you are speechless is an understatement.
“Why didn’t you tell me you know him?” You asked Quinn.
“It’s a sad story but Axl gave me a family when my own family gave up on me.”
You are shocked to learn the rumours are true. Axl really is a monster, how can he forcefully take young women against their will. Unbeknownst to you, these women happily joined the gang even if temporarily.
Giving Quinn a tour of the shop, you showed her everything. She had the bright idea of having you dress in one of the bondage outfits that your family sold. It was a piece of leather that wrapped around your tits and around your pussy in a zig-zag pattern. The out-fit even had a short skirt that barely covered your lady-parts.
You originally refused to wear it but when Quinn explained the type of people who would be at the party, you agree to wear it.
Time went by very fast as you and Quinn chatted about what life was like in the gang. You wondered how she was loyal to Axl and his gang mates. You admire Quinn’s positive attitude towards everything.
Finally it was time to change into your bondage out-fit. Feeling yourself get wet as you put it on, you feel yourself squirt and you moan as you watch Quinn lick your cum off your leg.
She grabs your hand after you lock up the shop and you walk together to her party.
*****
Once you enter Quinn’s party you notice there is a lot of rough housing. You look at each of Axl’s men, two looked past-out on drugs while the other three are having a group orgy with two women. You blush as you watch the women fight as they made out. You swear you saw them lick their tongues together. You whimper as you watch the scene.
Quinn pulls you away and walks you towards Axl who is sitting on a chair with a woman in his lap. She is topless in her underwear as she rubs herself against his jeans. He hides himself in her hair as you walk over to greet him.
Once the greeting is over, Axl offers you a powered drug. He watches with a smirk as you gladly snort the drug up your nose. When you feel the effects of the drug, you feel someone carry you upstairs to a bedroom and let you sleep it off. Axl grins as he has you right where he wants you. It’s only a matter of time that he will make his move on you. In bed, better yet maybe in the shower. Using the wetness of the water to get you off on his body was just perfect to him. You’ll literally look like a water goddess. He’ll wait as he didn’t want to scare you.
*****
It was dark, you didn’t realize you were sleeping in Axl’s home for a few days. You feel someone next to you, thinking it was Quinn you sigh in relief. You slowly start to wake up from your slumber and smile over at her.
“Thank you for bringing me here, Quinn.” You say to her with a smile.
She kisses your hand and looks over behind you. You turn your body around and you see Axl. Just as you are about to scream, Axl covers your mouth. When you have settled down. He gives you a light peck.
“Sit on my face, darling. Let me make you feel good.”
You know Axl frightens you but you are intrigued. You roll on-top of him and climb up his body until your clothed pussy is at his mouth. You look up as you pull your skirt up and move the leather material out of the way. As he starts to lick your flesh, you can’t help but to rock against him. You are so high in the sky, you don’t notice that Quinn began to finger herself as she watched. Axl was a master at eating you that it didn’t take very long for you to squirt in his face. He had his mouth open at the right time, drinking your cum. Once the encounter is over you slide down his body and kiss him hungrily, lining up your pussy with his cock. You hold your breath as he pushes himself inside you and you moan as you both become one.
Was this what Quinn and the rest of the gang wanted? You to be Axl’s play-thing and give him a baby? Regardless if it was, you didn’t care. You love the feeling of being with him in an intimate way and getting to share that experience with your best friend was even better.
When Axl climaxed inside you, you moan out his name in ecstasy. You swear you heard yourself call him ‘daddy’ in the heat of the moment. What you didn’t realize was that sex with Axl was your initiation into the gang. Every member of the gang had a different experience. The men in the group had to do something criminal like rob a bank while Quinn’s initiation was a group orgy. sexuality was open and free in Axl’s gang it’s how the members gave their love to one another.
*****
That was exactly three years ago, you now are the mother of a three-year-old girl named Willow who was the light in your life. Not only did Axl protect her from harm but also the family did too. Axl’s right-hand man named Duff imprinted on Willow and he felt the need to be her saviour from the dark life-style of Los Angeles.
You had disappeared since meeting Axl’s gang but your parents knew what you were up to. You later found out that your parents made a deal with Axl’s gang that they would give you up to them when you were of legal age. Meeting Quinn in high school was a set-up. Regardless of what happened in your life, you are happy and content being loyal to Axl. You would literally die for him. The final part of your initiation was, Axl cut his wrist and made you taste his blood. It made the love-bond forever. When you were crowned Queen of the gang and Axl’s life-mate, your life felt complete but was Los Angeles ready for you?
the end
#guns n roses#guns n’ roses#request#axl rose#axl rose gnr#axl gnr#axl rose fanfiction#axl rose smut#axl rose x reader#guns n roses fanfic#guns n roses smut#gnr#gnr fic#gnr fanfiction#gnr smut#duff mckagan#duff gnr#text#post
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Hi! I don’t think you’ve been asked this one yet 🐝 :)
🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them
Ok I started out being all like I’m going to keep it light and fun not get all emotional about this BUT this community is so important to me and the people I’ve connected with have changed my life so: thank you to literally everyone who has been a positive part of my experience in this great little corner of the internet
Most especially I’m eternally grateful for:
@sendpseuds who makes a great plate of nachos, twirls a lightsaber like a badass, and is empathetic and encouraging and will always give it to me straight. In all seriousness I want to be like her when I grow up.
@evieswips who is too kind for this world and she gives amazing fic recs. She’s my brainstorming buddy and best cheerleader and has taught me the value of a genuine “I appreciate you”.
@barmadumet who makes the best blue milk cocktails, is endlessly patient and easy to talk to, and is single handedly responsible for me meeting Ewan and Hayden and enabling the whole con craziness - never would have done it without you
And shoutout to @grapenehifics @somethingsteff and @underacalicosky who always send along titanic memes, put up with a LOT of whining from yours truly, and understand the importance of Ewan’s slutty earring. They all know how to leave validating, uplifting comments that make the author feel *seen* and are great movie night buds
I get in my head about doing things like this because I don’t want to leave anyone out because I am grateful for everyone in this corner of the internet. The artists and authors who inspire me and make me feel things, the regular commenters and devoted readers who make me feel valued, the mutuals who send me the posts I can’t miss, anyone who is brave enough to reach out - everyone who interacts and makes me feel like I matter - I appreciate you and I’m glad you’re here and hope that being a part of this community makes you feel the same
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*whispers* are we, are we just not going to talk about it?
#byler#mike wheeler#will byers#jopper#jim hopper#joyce byers#stranger things#byler meta#these scenes are so similar though#the first is from 2x02#the second from 3x03#even the numbers match#I feel like I’M going crazy making these connections#especially considering the byler is is MORE explicitly romantic#heteronormativity saves the day!
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if you see absolutely anything that has kabru in it. And are unable to stop yourself from making it about L/abru (even when Laios doesn’t even appear or is irrelevant to the content in question!) and reduce kabrus entire deuteragonist-level character into wanting to fuck laios. I’m stealing something out of your house!!!!!
disclaimer: If you ship l/abru and gaf about kabru and don’t do this then this post isn’t about you 🤓
#I love kabru so much but finding content of him is so painful bro I cant#Flames flames flames up the side of my face!#I constantly consider just nuking my account and forgetting I ever read or cared about dungeon meshi many times bc of this lol#I care him so much. More than I care about dungeon Meshi as a work as much as I respect it and it’s fun to create for#I can’t be normal about this genuinely I never get like this but I turn into A.M from I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream#Laios and kabrus connection is really sweet in the end and I don’t ship it but like the ship it’s so inoffensive in abstract just not for m#But in reality every day I get jumpscared by the things people are doing to my angel#Like just do laios self shipping that’s clearly what you daft cunts actually want why puppeteer kabru free my boy#I promised I would never post like this but like it really makes me so mad lol. And want to just go back to not looking up anything online#And I already specifically curate my experience to a crazy degree.#But the way that this fandom revolves around babying laios is crazy dude#Like every single thing is about poor poor laios#like he’s the main character but it’s insane even people who LIKE him have to put disclaimers when saying even jokey mean things#Because then 1000x idpol white autistic people will descend upon them otherwise#And I say this as an autistic person of colour it’s annoying asf lol I do not respect any of you! To put it mildly!#If the only way you can engage with characters or stories is through vectors which You can personally project onto and relate to#I’m doing a lot more than fucking stealing something out of your house!#It’s the most normal thing on earth to not like the main character of a series but I feel if you genuinely hated laios#And are not just “guilty” of criticising him or appreciating his flawed character. Then the legions of cornballs will descend on you#The only good spaces are small pockets of people engaging with each other together. The rest lol nuclear devastation#but I suppose that’s the nature of fandoms lol why complain about clowns at the circus 🚶#Like there’s literally characters whose main purpose in the story IS their relationship/dynamic with laios. Kabru is NOT JUST THAT!!#He is a deuteragonist!#Treat him like one!#Like why are people talking about labru on my freaking kaburin and kabushuro posts dude free me
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i miss carpisuns sometimes </3
#not necessarily that I regret switching over but i just get like nostalgic for an earlier time in the ml fandom#s3 was soooo much fun for me#and the long hiatus before s4 was also the best. so good wasn’t ready for it to end when it did haha#things just feel so different in the fandom now#both the fandom has changed and I have changed#and of course the STORY has changed#and I like don’t know what to do about that or how to react#cause I am used to being one of the guys who is defending ml’s honor with my life lol#committed to spreading positivity#and I still want to be that guy!#but it’s like. idk. I don’t recognize this story anymore#this isn’t the same story that I fell in love with years ago. but I don’t want to just like Leave??#I do want to see how things play out bc I am still invested in these characters#and I would love to still be part of the fan community and connect with people over a mutual love for this thing#that has been important to me for years and has inspired me to create and learn new skills and make new friends!#but I also don’t just want to shut up and pretend I’m happy about things I am decidedly unhappy about lol#like it’s honestly surprising to me that a only a small minority of the fandom seems to feel the way I do?#and the majority are still super pumped and frustrated at the people who are complaining#and really. I don’t WANT to rain on anyone’s parade. I honestly don’t#I was part of the parade for years! I had the best time in the parade! I don’t want to ruin the good time!#so i try not to be too salty on main ? but i feel like I’m going a little crazy lmao! like I’m just one bitter little miser fhdjjd#i mean i guess it’s kind of a good thing that I moved blogs tbh lol#cause now when i whine only a fraction of the people have to be exposed to it 😂#but man i hate knowing that people might think of me as a salter#I mean it’s valid if people are trying to have fun and do not want to hear my complaining haha#but also do i automatically have to be a salter. are the only options support and defend ml 100% at all times or Be A Salter#or can there be a third category of certified ml lover that is just disappointed in recent events & disagrees with the new writing direction#is that too much nuance for tumblr lol#see maybe that’s why I miss carpisuns. she didn’t have to ask this question. she was only full of LOVE!#but therein lies the irony…like marinette I have made this choice out of love…for what the story once was…what is to become of me now…
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i’ve seen + heard people say that they thought norman bates was creepy from the beginning of the movie but that’s not my interpretation at all, i think now that that everyone knows the plot of psycho as pop culture trivia, it’s impossible to watch psycho the way it was meant to be seen (hitchcock basically changed how movies were shown in theaters so that audiences would see the whole movie from beginning to end and wouldn’t see the plot twist first, for the sake of suspense! now there’s not the same kind of suspense because every single person in the audience knows who the killer is). i think there’s clear foreshadowing and the whole vibe of the motel is creepy, but norman himself, while a bit awkward, i think comes across as endearing and kind but extremely lonely. obviously as certain things are revealed, he gets creepier, but imo the truly bad thing that he does consciously is cover up his “mother’s” crimes but ofc he has to try to protect her. none of what happens in the movie is premeditated or malicious or even intentional on his part. he’s not even a good liar. idk i really think you’re supposed to see his narrative alignment with marion and feel sympathy for how completely trapped he is in his life, while also being scared of him, at first as someone potentially predatory, then as an accomplice to murder, then as a murderer himself. but not until AFTER his conversation with marion!!
#i think this is also why i have trouble with the bates motel version of his character#i think he’s written to be a little bit too weird and rigid#like he hardly has any personality unless he’s feeling an extreme emotion#i think it’s getting better as the show progresses to be fair#but there’s a lot in this show that i’m like. how does this connect to psycho lmao#but what i do really appreciate in the tv series is how strong his white knight complex is#and how totally misguided it is lol#and i think they do a great job of writing a version of norma bates who norman wouldn’t be able to lose#and show what made her so wonderful and why their relationship was so close#while also highlighting the flaws and tensions in that relationship#and why she would become so erratic and domineering and violent in norman’s mind when he dissociates#because it’s hard to reconcile the version of her that he thinks of as crazy and unstable with the version that is his favorite person#they’re just constantly accusing each other of being crazy and then being ashamed of themselves for saying that and taking it back#anyway uhhh. i love my boy. i love MY interpretation of my boy#i think there’s so much going on beyond ‘he dresses like his dead mom and kills people’#and i think people make it hard to talk about the main themes of the movie because they have a preconceived notion of what the movie is#not that that’s not a big part of the movie but like. it colors people’s interpretation of the character before they even watch the movie#psycho
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was bored and did this ya books tier ranker … this is like the only ranked like this I’ve seen include individual books from series rather than just the first idk if I like that more or less
#in some cases it Is useful because I like the wicked king significantly more than the cruel prince for instance. in others it was a bit#confusing. did my best#the top row being trc tid and dosab makes so much sense.#I did try to go left to right in terms of favorite to least favorite in each row but it’s not an exact science#but for instance I def like the lunar chronicles way more than fangirl and they’re both in enjoyable but on different sides#there are also some books I read in high school or younger where I’m kind of dubious where they would rank now. we are okay for instance I#did like when I read it but didn’t have strong emotions vs I feel like if I read it now I’d connect to the subject matter a lot more#and then like fangirl would be the opposite I related to it in 8th grade but if I reread I think it might not hit#I also was mostly guessing about the tmi rankings I’d need to reread to be sure. but ik books 3 and 6 are the ones I liked best so they go#to enjoyable at least#did put all the Mara Dyer books in tier 2 because I just remember them making me so crazy. that should be my next paranormal reread fix nex#time I’m in the mood.#s speaks#s does things
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🦭
#hellsing#hellsing ultimate#seras victoria#integra hellsing#sertegra#a#yay guns!!!!!!! murder.!!!! intimidation tactics!!!!!!!!#happy Saturday!! ‼️‼️🧍♂️🫶‼️‼️❤️‼️‼️#so sorry for the sertegra shortage I spent all week trying to lip sync things then remembered I had actual work to do#but I finally finished it!!! albeit I got a bit lazy but I did it! yay yippee!!!!!!!!!!!#beach boys hellsing power point going bonkers ‘every sentence has been said at some point in time’#I can prove that shit false using the power of horrible horrible connections that no one else would ever feel the need to make#anyway you guys should listen to Sunflower she’s warm and fluffy and has a lot of whole band collaboration#like you have Dennis And Bruce contributing songs that’s crazy you have two Bruce songs that never happens! also cool cool water is fun#yay scrapped smile tracks! and unlike the other smile scrapped ones that they put on studio albums she’s like a unique lil lad#like the whole first part isn’t at all on the like 2011 recreation unlike say vegetables which gets remashed or our prayer which is iden#okay well actually maybe it is more like vegetables in that sense it’s more it’s cutting something instead of adding#which a lot of the 2011 versions were adding things back that were cut like the cantina part of heroes and villains#actually okay now that I’m thinking about it shit would require a lot of explaining I can’t just drop the Charles Manson lore#or some shit like that and just move on… sorry beach boys 💔
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i need to stop giving people my instagram i think like it’s not conducive to appearing in people’s lives and then disappearing i think i should start a number/email/letterboxd only policy because i am in such a good place to meet people and then just disappear and that’s all i need from life rn and instagram is hindering me massively in that i’m literally going to start doing this
#the best interactions with people i ahve had since moving have been people who i have spoken to completely openly to and then we have never#spoken again#this is not true i get to see vicky and that’s lovely and i also have made another friend so that’s been good#but generally like idk i just dont want to be tethered to anything i dont really want#i am always going to be tethered to my family and for so long i was tethered to ballet#i just dont want it anymore i want all my moving to be my choice not my parents#the longest i have ever lived in one house is 4.5 years#how could i possibly be expected to stay in one place after all that#i just feel this incredible barrier between me and anyone except like 2 people#i cant connect to anyone and insteadof being upset about it i just feel crazy#i’m not sad or put out over it it is just how it is for me sometimes#and i do need to reply to the people i care about but at the same time it’s like what’s the point#what’s the poitn when i just feel so disconnected fundamentally from nearly everyone i have ever known#and the thing is i do want to flit in and out of peoples lives it’s not even like i want to change this#i had a beautiful conversation with this man the first week i was in uni and he was incredible to speak to and i hope i offered him some of#that too and neither of us made any move to exchange any contact details or even our names#and THATS what i want that’s what i want from my life rn#which is maybe bad for me but i think it’s all i have in me rn#which is not true really i’m not going to stop talking to my friends and im not going to not make friends probably#but it’s such a gorgeous idea and i AM good at it i am good at talking to people once and then never again#i can do that
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I actually do have very complex thoughts about many different things, it’s just a bit challenging to connect the inner voice to the outer voice sometimes </3
#random post#I have SO many thoughts and ideas. I love to create and I love to build on what I have and I like to connect to existing things#there is lots of oc lore in my brain! it graces my blog sometimes. not always. it’s hard to put abstract feeling and thought into words#and it’s challenging trying to find the best place to start talking about things yknow? like I as the creator of this whole unique universe#pretty much already know how things end up. how they’re going. how it started. some are easier to know than others. but that doesn’t stop me#from trying create for it. or searching for the missing piece to start the domino effect of development and fulfillment#it’s hard to see where the pieces fit sometimes. but getting a new angle or changing something about the piece can make finding where it#belongs easier. this is what I mean when I say I have very intricate and complicated thoughts. not spending too long writing my sentences or#overthinking them helps to keep things as they are in my head. since I’m not filtering them into something almost unrecognizable#writing a paper in a single sitting in a set time really helps me produce a unified and intricate product. I’ve been told I write well#which I find mildly humorous. I’ve never been a writer by choice really. I’m an artist that works with a physical visual piece rather than#letters that convey meaning. I’m more of a thinker than a writer. but in some instances they’re one in the same. I’m rambling but y’all know#that about me by now I’m sure hahagahaha. yea. my OCD makes me spend too long on words and that’s why I always talk in a short way#a more simplistic way. leaves less room for the mind to pick out flaws if everything is flawed on purpose yknow? haha yea. I like me yknow?#and other people like me too! that will never cease to surprise and amaze me haha. I’m one of those people that has an easier time with#people different from themselves. the people I’ve known and spoke to throughout my life are so very different from me. but they all feel#comfortable to share their experience with me. a lot of these people on paper would be ones I’d try to avoid I guess. differing opinions and#world views yknow? but the way I am. gives people comfort I’ve found. I’m not bragging about that it’s just interesting. it’s the same with#my whole household like we meet people that are like. idk a good descriptor but they’re very set in a specific way. and then we just?? they#like us?? idk it’s just funny to think about my dad getting along with legit crazy people or my mom being the person who’s the favorite of#the least liked / polite person in the office. or my brother and sister being very well liked in their schools but are just average students#who aren’t trying to be more than kind. or when I as myself. with the thoughts and opinions I have. am able to get along with anyone I#come across. I’m really not trying to be bright about that I’m just an. empath? I guess? I’m just very nice to people and meet them at their#level and don’t try steering the conversation to smth bad or controversial. but even then people will still talk to me and like me cus I’m#not putting them down or hating on them for how they think and feel. I listen. I can understand them. not agreeing with their views doesn’t#mean I can’t get why people think or feel how they do. I try to not be biased or entirely antagonist to things different than me#I’ve gone my whole life not understanding a lot of things. and over time I’ve learned them. I go into experiences with people like that#I may not understand yet. but I’ll learn to. that’s probably the main reason why people feel comfortable around me. that and also I have#a smile pretty much always lol. I’m small and non threatening lookin with a single dimple on the cheek and eyes so dark you could see the#faintest light reflected in them. anyways I have gone into several different directions with this and kinda lost the main point I was making
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lol .
#why is it so hard to make friends#how do you make that leap from acquaintances to friends#like how#why does it feels like everyone hates me#i know i’m just going crazy but how does one form lasting connections#i have no one
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also cannot believe i’m the the emotional distant person who people actively try to keep closer and closer to no avail
#personal#not in a im sexy and cool way just genuine surprise#i don’t know and it shouldn’t be#like the amount of times i was told growing up hey you’re my best friend or i’ve never told this to anyone but i trust you more than anyone#by someone i thought was an acquaintance#i wasn’t even against that connection in therory i just didn’t know we were like that!!!!!!#idk i’m trying to not make it this sound like cut myself on the edge#but it just feels weird bc i’m okay with myself and being by myself but ?#people keep trying to push themselves into my life?#and that sounds awful#i just didn’t concisely realize i play that role in people’s lives#consciously#it doesn’t fit how i saw myself or how i am? ? and it was a weird disconnect#and i’m not being unsociable or outright going against making connections!#like i’m eating daily lunch with some coworkers and changing my parking space so we can walk together!! im changing my routine up bc i#like their company#i made friends at the horror show and am going to this dudes house on tuesday to watch more movies with them#i exchange socials and talk with people at shows when they come up to me#i’m also a bit awkward there and not pursuing much but i’m still Trying?#i don’t know it’s just weird to think for a lot of people i’m just so avoidant and aloof or something#i just feel weird#i think also with my close friends i’m well known for being crazy stupid obsessed with#like it’s a whole Thing. so that vs extremely avoidant i just didn’t recognize it as myself#me? number one dick rider? ??? not. bonderline codependent. okayyyyyyyy
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i’m just hormonal bc i’m on my period my life isn’t slowly getting worse and worse it’s just my period
#abc shut it#vent#i’m not crying bc i’m depressed and misreble and feel like any steps i try to make to better myself don’t work or are in vain#like i’m trying so hard but i feel so cut off and isolated#my very existsnce feels pointless#like look all i know i do is complain but i really am trying#i try not do but it’s fucking pointless bc im so socially stunted and all i get is pity instead of genuine help#i get told to help myself and try harder when i can only do that for so long when i have no community supporting me#my own mother talks to one of my highschool friends than she does me#i wanna make more art froends in the community but i can’t seem to relate to any of them#and connections don’t get made more than just chit chat at conventions#i get told to talk in the artist alley fiscord i’m in but i feel like i don’t belong and don’t click there#and the server overwhelms me bc i’ve never been in a server that big and complex and no one wants to hold my hand through it#just use it and talk#where??? what channels???? what the fuck is any of this what are these folders and what topics of conversation belov where#i’m never invited to servers and the one two i’ve been in i got kicked from for bs reasons and the other died#like how am i suppose to use discord when i can’t carry a conversation and i’m expected to contadntly reach out if i wanna feel like i exist#outside my own fucking mind#like i’m genuinely going fucking crazy and i wanna go to therapy#but that’s kinda sad bc all i do is vent on her or talk to a therapist bc i have no one to fucking turn too#like a therapist will tell me everythig everyone has already told me as if i don’t already know that shit#like lmao lol i do infact have a time limit believe it or not#i could get medicated for depression and anxiety then what?#i’m just a medicated loner austin freak who can’t make friends#i try and try and try to figure out how to be likeable and keep people in my life but i just don’t know what’s fucking wrong with me#like i just dunno how to cope anymore the only reason i haven’t relapsed back into self harm is bc i am a 25 years old#that’s so childish i cannot be doing that anymore lol what am i a stupid fucking baby#but god i am really struggling to find reasons to keep living#and i feel so dumb complaining when ppl have worse lives than me
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