#I feel isolated from the rest of the fandom
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Macaque Episode Analysis ramble
So I was talking with a friend about the possible psychological and therapeutic take aways from each episode of Lego Monkie Kid, since I love Psychology as a whole, and came to a conclusion. Macaque's episode has a fuck ton of things to analyze. Such as - Not every role model you meet will be a good person Trust your teachers Don't push yourself too hard otherwise you'll get hurt, manipulated and possibly die (let's be real, Macaque would've killed MK if Wukong didn't step in) And, grooming They will all be covered as I explain the episode in depth. When MK first meets Macaque he thought he was Wukong but even after Macaque declines, MK still had stars in his eyes of pure admiration. He clearly looks up to Macaque since he was just as cool if not cooler than Monkey King. Within the very next second Macaque started the process of grooming, after a tiny test to see how strong MK's admiration was. "[...] I thought uh Monkey King was training you. [...] but you can never have too many teachers, I'm sure Monkey King would agree. [...]"
Then Macaque starts to train MK. This shows the duality of Wukong's more MK's current strength and capabilities training versus Macaque's more destructive and dehumanizing training. With Wukong's "Patience and focus, step into the strike", clashing with Macaque's far more brash "You don't use a weapon, you ARE the weapon." This is effective at isolating MK from Wukong and his teachings because MK feels like he is actually powerful now.
As Wukong says, MK's body isn't strong enough to handle the power. This applies to real life too. If someone tries to weight lift something too heavy for their skills, they could get seriously hurt. This is the just magical equivalent of weight lifting. But because of Macaque's influence, MK fights back and isolates himself from Wukong, his trust worthy mentor. This leads Macaque to his final part of his plan, lure MK into a trap with his full hearted trust in him.
Then Macaque finishes his plan by stealing MK's powers. Let's be honest, with how things were going and by our impression of Macaque in this episode, Macaque would have likely killed MK if it weren't for Wukong. OR left MK to die with the staff pressing him against the moutain. What can we gather from this? Well, first and foremost, MK's admiration made him an easy target for manipulation, and what resulted was MK nearly dying from the ordeal. Check for "not ever role model will be a good person", since Wukong is ALSO a role model, but a good one because he doesn't literally groom MK. (More on that in a minute.) Wukong was right and MK does what he taught him then admits his wrongs by the end and opens up on why, which Wukong responds with "Hey, your heart is in the right place, kid. We can work on the rest." MK learned to trust Wukong when he was teaching him something because ultimately that's what saved his life. I'm not saying trust EVERY authority figure, but one that is teaching you something that you trust and know will not hurt you. Get yourself a Wukong for your MK. Macaque's training has lasting impact on MK, making him feel like he needs to give himself up for others. Before this episode, MK never had the need to sacrifice himself or really seemingly blamed himself for anything. Macaque's dehumanizing training left MK with lasting damage to his mental health and also led to MK not being able to pick up the staff, granted that was after Macaque gut-punched the power out of him.
Ouch...
So, I hear you ask, "Ok, you made your point about various things, here but what about grooming? That's a bold word." Yes, it IS a bold word, especially considering the fandom space being primarily for children. However, I will clarify that grooming does not only apply to sexual circumstances.
This is from the official Canada public safety about child grooming. Notice the none sexual tactics.
"Make promises of a better life" - Promises to make MK stronger/a better fighter/hero
"Cause divsion saying "your parents are too strict" or "your parents don't understand you"." - Macaque says "Other people are going to tell you to be patient. They are slowing you down." to directly conflict with Wukong's training, further dividing MK and Wukong.
"May threaten or pressure your child to do what they ask, which could lead to sextortion." - Might not be explicit but it is implied MK had some minor doubts by the end of the training and was literally pushed into battle. Also he threw MK into the weapons rack on their first session, showing that MK was "weak" and prompted him to take up his implicit challenge, his trick. It's unclear if Macaque ever threatened MK while training, but I doubt it and he just pressured him and manipulated his drive and determination.
One that people might argue is "Approach your child online by pretending to be someone they're not - may falsely identify themselves as a person from school, or someone their age, to build a connection." but I believe it applies. - Macaque comes in creating a show with his own kaiju form, either to make himself popular or to attract MK or Wukong. Regardless, he seemed uncomfortable at first but once he prompts up "But you can never have too many teachers", that's when he starts creating a false identity, a trustworthy teacher who knows better than Wukong. That's also neglecting the fact Macaque pretended to not be that smoke demon.
If that's not "pretending to be someone they're not", then I'm not sure what is. Also for specifically adult grooming,
More signs I feel apply are;
"The person becomes withdrawn, or they may seem troubled by something but unwilling to talk about it. Alternatively their emotions might become volatile." - When Wukong points out MK has been running around other mentors, MK sounds calm and cold, like he was withdrawn. Then when Wukong presses on, MK yells at him and doesn't talk about exactly what was bothering him other than "You just don't like that there's someone who actually teaching me what I need to know."
"You notice them using or wearing something new, that you didn't buy [or teach] for them." - I added teach because Wukong points out he never taught MK how to break a wall like that, and was concerned and upset that MK learned that too quickly. Within that same scene, after MK yells at him, that's when Wukong notices the new symbol on MK's jacket and frowns. That's when he knows MK is being groomed, and by who.
"Groomers often aim to isolate their targets from their family or friends." - Well, we never see Mei, Pigsy, Tang, or Sandy in this episode, after the first meeting and they act like MK was gone for a month or more (could easily be a week lol). On top of that, Macaque was causing a divide between MK and Wukong. MK was very clearly pretty isolated already, and so Macaque just had to remove MK for MK's full reliance.
"The person might be spending more time on the phone, or online, than usual. But they won’t say what sites they’re visiting, or who they’re talking to." - This speaks for itself, but it's likely MK was training more and more with Macaque than being around his own friends, especially considering by previous point.
youtube
This video goes into great detail on how it happens, why the victim is manipulated easily, and what it does to someone. Granted this video is about a long-time grooming, but I believe the point and the awareness stands. If Macaque had been grooming MK for about a year or more, I feel MK would be closer to these signs than he is in the cannon LMK. Anyways! I hope you had fun with my analysis, and let me know if you'd like more! I love to just ramble about the psychology of certain characters or the takeaways of LMK episodes! I'd love to do Wukong, Macaque as a whole (not just the episode), MK, Xiangliu/Nine mayhaps?? Or even the Focus episode or something else- I have a minor analysis on the focus episode already in my head lol
#lego monkie kid#lmk#lmk macaque#lmk analysis#lmk theory#?#lmk mk#lego monkie kid mk#macaque lmk#lego monkie kid macaque#lego monkie kid sun wukong#sun wukong lmk#lmk sun wukong#lego monkie kid monkey king#lmk monkey king#Macaque Episode#Youtube
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Somehow, I now have 200 followers. I didn't expect this to make me emotional, but it does. Thank you to every single person who follows me. It means a lot ❤️
#I never expected I'd have that many people want to see what I do and say and feel about certain things#it's a weird feeling but a positive one#a few of you came here after I started spamming this site about 4 Minutes and I'm super glad for it#because I love the show and I love that so many people ask me every week about it#but of course that doesn't change the love I will always have for VP and especially Pete#the non-person of my heart#I'm sorry I'm posting less about him but there are a few reasons for it#1. I have writer's block so my little random snippets have disappeared and I can't even open my docs now because of it#2. 4 Minutes has taken over my brain mostly (though definitely not completely)#3. Due to No2 I feel that the VP fandom doesn't... really care about my VP/Pete posts anymore#I know that's not exactly the case I still get notes on my posts and stuff#It's just... idk#I feel isolated from the rest of the fandom#to me the reasons are clear and valid and obviously no one is obligated to interact with me#I just wanted to express my sadness a little bit#I have a lot of it stored in there#sorry for being a downer under a positive post haha#can't promise it won't happen again#Love you all <33#yu speaks
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Maybe the fog’s here because I want it here.
Is that why I opened the windows?
Maybe I asked the fog to come…
-MAG170: Recollection
#furry art#anthro art#fursona#ink markings#vent art#avoiding tagging the show the lines are from bc the art has nothing to do with the podcast lmao#the rest of these tags are rambling you can stop reading now no worries !#it’s just getting gross outta my head and onto paper#I’m so bad at conversations and I know it’s my own fault but it feels isolating#I gotta get better at talking but I’m just afraid to reach out to people#no idea how to talk that isn’t infodumping#I just wanna talk about my OCs or my fandoms or just…. anything but feel like no one wants to hear that shit lmao#sometimes I feel like the people in my life would rather interact with anyone other than me lmao#I feel way better after drawing this out tho#bless the arts#i know i know i need to be the one to reach out more#and i know my anxiety stems from my parents hardcore ridiculing me whenever i talked to much#and my exes ignoring me at the drop of a hat for whatever new thing piqued them#but its hard to know that logically and get my brain to cooperate#and not think that I'm automatically annoying every person i speak to#although maybe it's also better because anyone who gets stuck in a room irl with me knows i don't shut up lmao#maybe its for the best i can never manage to do it in text
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I love how my brain was like "today, you will have only three or four Felix Ravinstill thoughts, instead you will be microwaving Dr. Gaul and President Ravinstill in your head until they melt together."
#the ravinstill-gaul relationship that lives in my head. neither romantic nor platonic. secret third thing#being a ravinstill family makeruper/enjoyer is like living on an isolated island. i feel so removed from the rest of the fandom#i bet whenever someone peeks over at me they shake their head and go. there she goes again hallucinating the ravinstills#I love having three generations of ravinstill situationships in my fanfic verse#of course in my oc fics felix gets to graduate from situationship to actual relationship.#abyssal stuff#abyssal thoughts#felix ravinstill#president ravinstill#maximinius ravinstill#volumnia gaul#dr gaul#the ballad of songbirds and snakes
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Hey uh
anyone here on Art Fight this year or-
Cuz I'm on there, same name and everything. I'm on Team Vampires.
You can like, add me or whatever...I mean, if you want...
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I haven't interacted with anyone on here or even really drawn in a couple months, sweet pulsating spider-christ ...
#I KNOW I KNOW I CAN JUST. DO THE THING. BUT I ALSO CAN'T. YKNOW????#I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY MIND HAS BEEN I DON'T#I'M STILL STRUGGLING WITH HEALTH Y'ALL#and sometimes instead of bouncing back and forth from feeling stable enough to do things and absolute dog shit i just-#-'welp i guess I'll just not do anything! that'll solve all of my problems! I'll get better if i don't do things and just rest and space out#-'WOW I CAN JUST BE ISOLATED AND PATHETIC IN MY ROOM ALL DAY COOL'#like...I EVEN GOT MY PAIN MEDS BACK! AND I QUALIFIED FOR A HIGHER DOSE WHICH IS A MIRACLE BC THIS IS FLORIDA!!#but like. idk.#and it's not like i don't care at all!!! I've missed you guys like fuck!!!! i just feel like I'm so far behind and everyone is on another-#-plane of existence at this point! and the longer it goes the more guilty i feel coming back bc i feel ashamed and lazy...#but i know you guys don't give a shit about at all. and I'm sorry for assuming and being so hard on myself#but also my fandoms are all over the place rn so uh. I'm so sorry LOL#but seriously anyone on art fight?? i really need to get back drawing but it's daunting...#especially since my guess 2 or 3 years were kickass by the last 2 literally no one but my wife interacted with me#one friendly fire from my partner. in two fights. after putting HOURS OF EFFORT THRU CHRONIC PAIN AND ILLNESS into all of those pieces...#i know I didn't draw a fuckton but i just got so discouraged and sad after awhile. and some never even got any attackee comments.#it all felt so damn pointless#but I'm nothing if not a survivor#as Zapp Brannigan once said; 'the spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised'#I'm a hot fuckin mess but even if i barely get any interaction at all again i can at least say i didn't give up-#and put in effort and love like always. no half-assing with art fight unless it's just me and my wife or a friend doin stupid friendly fires#BUT ANYWAY I STILL WANNA FUCK SLASHERS. IF ANYTHING THERE'S STILL THAT. IT'S STILL ME.
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The bg3 fandom is so big and active rn I can't imagine there aren't at least a few servers out there that put like... a reasonable limit on the sort of dark content that can be discussed in it while still also allowing nuanced and mature discussion about it, especially considering the game's canon topics.
It's such a bizarre delicate balance but there has to be something right?
#im planning on sticking to a couple of my nonbg3 friends servers that invited me to talk abt bg3 in them#and the tiny little sprinting server I made a bit ago#but I know I'm going to chomping at the fucking bit to talk abt bg3 way more than anyone wants me to I think 😭#like. Only large and fandom specific servers really fill that niche but god are they always a minefield#the sheer whiplash of going from the happiness of watching the award show to like#isolating myself and now wondering if I'm going to finish ANY of my projects anymore still has me reeling#I'm just. tired man. i already did this with star wars. i don't want to do it again already here#i feel like fandom spaces love celebrating trauma survivors but only if you're one of the cool acceptable ones#if you're one of the ones that has dodgy reactions to things and complex unpredictable feelings then its just. oops!#sorry bestie no space will ever truly allow you to feel safe OR accepted. have fun walking that tightrope for the rest of your life#tbf i didn't even give the bg3 server im in the option but I already know how server-destroying this issue is#sorry to anyone who bothered to read this afhshdh it feels so much safer to rant in the tags#questlog
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I’m making this post for me for my brain for my sorting little thinker
The Ideal Polycule is of course made up of three different Self Ships, of which have their own separate S/Is with different dynamics and personalities. I, the real human person who smooches the full polycule, am sort of the combination of the three of them.
This is just a quick summery post of them as separate S/Is and their story as it currently is in their own Universe. I don’t know how to summarize things so forgive me I’m long winded.
Does any of that make sense? No? Cool keep scrolling. If you somehow understood that and want to know more, keep reading. Uh also Spoilers for Assassination Classroom and Danganronpa
Doctor Emile Hides - Assassination Classroom
Age: 20-21
Gender: Agender - He/Him
Sexuality: Panromantic, Asexual
Self Shipped with: Koro-Sensei
Other Affiliations: Karasuma + Irina (Friends), All of class 3-E (Students)
Most Prominent Traits:
Klutzy
Comically Bad at Cooking
Still learning Japanese
Arrives Late to most everything
Classic “boy genius” trope levels of Smart
Emile came to be the stand in Nurse for class 3-E soon after their return from Okinawa, where his medical knowledge would have surely been useful during the poisoning incident. It was a decision made by Karasuma, and urged by Koro-Sensei. The kids do some dangerous stuff, they could use an on sight professional.
He is not an assassin, nor does he plan to try his hand at killing Koro-Sensei, he’s just a collage student studying abroad who was picked up by Asano as a “good enough” for E Class.
Immediately he was fascinated by Koro-Sensei, or “Koro-San” as he calls him, and began doing his best to study the unkillable teacher in between bandaging students. Emile’s focus was Biology, and he eventually filled an entire notebook with questions and drawings about Koro-Sensei and, without much thought, presented it too the teacher, asking if he’d be willing to answer them.
Koro-Sensei agreed, filling out most of the questions in the notebook.. in Kanji. Which Emile couldn’t read. He also swore the Doctor not to show the book to anyone else, which Emile had agreed too. This was Koro-Sensei’s way of helping Emile learn Japanese.
The two spent a lot of time together after that, Koro-Sensei offering to tutor Emile in Japanese after class, which eventually lead to Koro-Sensei flying Emile home most nights, as they’d study so long in the faculty room Emile would miss the last train home.
Emile eventually confesses his romantic feelings for Koro-Sensei after soon after Reaper Time, and while Koro-Sensei is hesitant for multiple reasons, the two end up an official couple, which Koro-Sensei then cannot keep to himself and blabs about to the entire class.
During Winter Break Emile stays with Koro-Sensei in the empty Class E building, and studying possible ways to keep him from self destructing. This becomes his obsession until mid February on his birthday when Koro-Sensei finally convinces him to put it down and spend what time they have left together.
Emile wasn’t on the mountain during Koro-Sensei’s final moments, he’s not an assassin, he couldn’t evade the military like the students. Instead he called Nakamura to his apartment the night the students where infiltrating the mountain and asked her to deliver to Koro-Sensei his Birthday Cake, the first successful thing Emile had ever cooked.
Post timeskip Emile has settled into being a school nurse, specifically at the High school Nagisa has come to teach at. He joins class 3-E in cleaning up the mountain every year on Koro-Sensei’s birthday, and brings homemade sweets for them every year.
The Ultimate Collector V2 - Danganronpa 3 (Despair Arc)
Age: 16-18 (unclear)
Gender: Trans Man - He/Him
Sexuality: Frayromantic, Asexual
Self Shipped with: Teruteru Hanamura
Other Affiliations: The Ultimate Collector V1 (twin brother), Hifumi + Celeste Chihiro + Kazuichi + Sonia + Gundham + Chiaki (Friends)
Most Prominent Traits:
Socially Anxious to the point of occasional Mutism
Picky Eater
Comically bad sense of direction
Has everything one could ever need in his bag at all times
Very OCD and protective of his things
Emile is a very quiet, shy, introverted person who, upon being separated from his twin brother, tended to keep to himself as much as possible and blend into the background. Being an Ultimate at Hope’s Peak didn’t really matter to him, he’d preferred to stay in his room with all his things nearby.
Moving to the dorms on campus was extra hard for Emile. Despite his title as the Ultimate collector the school didn’t allow him to bring his entire collection with him. Being so far away from all his favorite things was just too much stress for Emile, causing him to shut down even more than he would have already.
Teruteru Hanamura was the only one in the class to notice Emile didn’t eat lunch and took the responsibility to keep his classmate fed into his own hands. Despite Emile’s blatant refusal to speak, he didn’t mind being spoken to, leading to Teruteru to slowly, through questions and trials and errors, to learn what things Emile could and couldn’t eat as he shared his lunch with his fellow student every day.
Teruteru got use to one sided conversations. He took pleasure in cracking a smile on Emile’s face with his jokes, or when he’d say something so awful the quiet student couldn’t stop himself from unfurling to give him a slap on the shoulder. The first time Emile had the courage to speak to Teruteru sent him over the moon.
Emile only got better through Teruteru’s friendship. Despite being easily everyone’s least favorite classmate, Teruteru was still able to worm himself and Emile into group activities, forcing the collector into social situations that slowly opened him up to the rest of the class.
The next year, when Emile’s brother joined the 78th class as The Ultimate Collector Again, Emile found himself opening up even more, mingling between both classes along with Teruteru. Even joining an anime club his brother, Hifumi, and Celeste had started.
When the biggest most awful most tragic event in human history struck, Emile fell into Despair along side the rest of his class, but instead of becoming an ultimate despair like them, folded in on himself again, shutting down into himself, becoming an immobile shell of a person.
Teruteru ended up taking Emile with him as he caused destruction and despair throughout the world, taking care of the other like a doll. At some point, due to his new cannibalistic habits, Teruteru safely removed and ate one of Emile’s legs.
Because of this, during the hope Program, Emile was considered more of a victim than an Ultimate Despair, and was not put into the simulation with the other students, but acted as more of a beta test to see if the system could work to recover the rest of his class from despair. During the events of the game Emile watches along side Future Foundation, waiting for his friends to come back to him.
Home-Run Hero; Gumball - My Hero Academia
Age: 29
Gender: Agender - He/She
Sexuality: Panromantic, Asexual, Polyamourus
Self Shipped with: Taishiro Toyomitsu (Fatgum)
Other Affiliations: Tamaki Amajiki + Eijiro Kirishima + Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu + Momo Yoayorozu + Nirengeki Shoda (Adopted kids), Kendo Rappa (Taishi’s Stalker/Eventual addition to the polycule)
Quirk: Bubblegum - Gumball’s saliva has all the properties of Bubblegum. Upon being blown into a bubble, the gum will harden into a hard plastic ball, typically around the size of a baseball.
Most Prominent Traits:
Affectionately a Bully
Extremely Agile
Will eat almost anything without question
Avid PDA offender on both Taishiro and their kids
Weak to Heat
Emile and Taishiro were classmates at Shiketsu High, their relationship started on one of annoyance, as Emile was far too touchy and nosy for Taishiro at the time. Emile sat in front of Taishiro, and took every spare moment to spin around and pester him with questions about himself, class, his quirk, the other students, and so on.
During their first sparring session, Taishiro was rather excited to have teacher’s permission to beat on the annoying kid who sat in front of him. However, due to his poor quirk management back in the day, Taishiro didn’t have near as much fat built up as he does now, and ended up on his ass at Emile’s hand multiple times.
After that, Emile was constantly offering Taishiro things to eat. Every time he turned around to talk to him in class, he’d come with something tasty and some tips on preserving fat cells. It took a while, but Taishiro eventually realized this was Emile’s attempts at being nice, in his own, slightly annoying ways, and slowly the two became real friends. Though Emile thought they were already besties.
Shiketsu is a very strict school, the students are to focus on their Hero Studies; No dating, no extra curriculars, strict curfews, ridged dorm expectations. Breaking the rules could risk immediate expulsion. But despite it all Emile ran free, broke curfew and snuck in and out whenever he pleased, typically dragging Taishiro along with him. He joined a local Baseball team without the school’s permission, and invited Taishiro to all his games. He had sleep over’s in his classmate’s rooms, and slept in the common area, and his contraband all throughout the dorms. The only rule he hadn’t actively broken was no dating.
Taishiro, slowly, found himself being thankful for that, because if that rule wasn’t in place, he’d asked Emile out right then and there. And if he’d found out his friend was dating someone, or asked someone out, Taishiro wasn’t sure his heart would ever recover.
Upon becoming Pro Heroes, Emile and Taishiro went their separate ways for a while. Emile falling more into the “Idol Hero” roll, as he joined a professional Quick Baseball League, where as Taishiro kept their high school streak of rule breaking alive and became an Undercover Hero breaking up fight clubs and chasing drug dealers under the radar. This is where most of their 20′s were spent.
They kept well in touch, back and forth whenever their schedules lined up, which was rare and always brief. Taishiro got better at saving up fat for his quirk, Emile became more and more of a heavy hitter, they grew older and wiser from their high school days of breaking out of the dorms at night, and eventually Emile confessed to Taishiro.
Soon after he joined the Fatgum agency, still playing Clean Up hitter for his own Baseball League, but mostly slowing down steadily into Hero Work, and apparently parenting as the Fatgum agency gains more and more interns every year.
#Emile's Arts#Self Insert#Self Ship#Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh this took me all day it wasn't supposed to take all day it was just going to be a summer thing sdklfjsdkjgkds#I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so annoying I KNOW#I just dsfkjsdfkjkds My BRAIN#Look their singular plot synopsis posts are super bad and out dated#And for SOME REASON instead of sorting by Fandom like I normally do I chose to do THIS#It's the poll I made a which S/I is best poll but none of you know anything about these three#Well now you do#The answer is Gumball btw Gumball is the best he's cool and a Dad#And I'm realizing now he and Taishiro are probably not legally married but they certainly call eachother their husbands#NO ONE QUESTION ME ABOUT MOMO AND SHODA BEING IN THE INTERNS I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT#THEY BELONG HERE#I never know how to deal with Despair Teruteru because I KNOW how he works and what he does and all that#And it happens to be one of my triggers but no like I'll fall apart if it's too close to me more like#I just don't. Like it. And hearing about it makes me want to vomit#But it's COOL as a narrative thing!!!#I didn't write the collector into DR2 because Teru and Imposter die in trial 1 and they were my favorites right out the gate so#More just some normal highschool fluff for me#My AssClass S/I has changed the least out of all my S/Is and probably has the most concrete timeline#But that's just because out of these three Assassination Classroom is the most well written by like a mile#Watch Assassination Classroom this is no longer a request#It's almost March now is the BEST time to watch AssClass actually#I remember being super emotional about Teruteru for a very long time because he's played as such a joke#That he ends up hard isolated from the rest of his class#and the anime didn't even give him a school uniform!! Or at least a DIFFERENT OUTFIT like Kazuichi got#so he feels even MORE isolated like!!! He has no friends the hell!!!!!!#So I am forcing him to make friends by forcing him to force me to make friends#AssClass me is so much Just some guy like that's his whole thing he's just a guy
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ᯓ “SAID YOU’RE A WILD
MUSTANG.” ۶ৎ
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“everybody said you’re a killer, but i couldnt stop the way i was feeling the day your record dropped.” (LANA DEL REY.)
BY @MZLLSIT!!! ᥫ᭡
ᯓ PAIRING. hwang in-ho & fem!reader
FANDOM. squid game (seasontwo) ꪆৎ
T!W. shameless smut. porn with plot. bathroom sex. slight angst? dom! in ho. oral sex (f!receiving.) praise kink. slight age difference. blood. violence.
GENRE. smut, fluff? (kinda), angst (kinda?.)
SUMMARY. ᝰ.ᐟ chaos erupted after the tight vote between x & o’s, resulting in a bloodbath within mens bathrooms which left five people dead and fondly, you couldnt handle the way the deaths of innocent people racked up just so willingly, leaving you in a helpless and terrified state as the night began to fall. until in-ho spotted by your side in the hell that broke out between the two sides, calmed your panic and took you to safety… a lustful safety.
(THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING THIS KINDA SHIT SO IF ITS AWFUL IM SO SORRY CHAT.. ALSO IGNORE ANY GRAMMAR OR SPELLING MISTAKES!!!! other than that, enjoy.)
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hell. thats what siting in that room felt like for you, mentally praying for the gods above to come and swoop you of your feet and into warmth. and yet no matter how hard you could’ve prayed in that moment, nothing could cure the way your stomach churned and twisted in a million directions all at once as your eyes pinned to the left side of the room where the o’s glared right in your direction, if looks could kill, you would have died the second the boys left the restroom a few minutes ago. some of them covered in blood, eyes dead and predator like while the rest had the look of a frightened child, lost and alone.
everybody knew what was going to happen the second those lights switched off. death lingered and suffocated the air you breathed in, yet far worse was to come, like a storm waiting to crush upon a village.
your back rested upon the wall, watching from afar as your nails dug into the skin of your arms you clutched so tightly to your chest that your knuckles turned white. your mind raced, heart rattling against your chest and sweat began to bead at your forehead as you tried to swallow the dry lump that never seemed to leave your throat. you were going to die in this shit hole, and there was no gods above that could stop that from happening.
the lights flickered off, leaving only the red and blue lights to illuminate the hall of bunkbeds which some still chose to lay in even despite knowing what rampage was bound to happen in just a few seconds. in the darkness of the room you still spotted the sight of in-ho, who’s dark eyes met and softened at yours almost immediately and you refused to look away. he could practically smell the fear radiating of your body from across the small area your group had chosen to stay within, gi-hun sat at his side tightly along with the rest of the group who you found to be the only source of comfort in this hell.
and yet despite the comfort they provided you still sat isolated in the corner at the brink of a panic attack. breathing felt like diffusing a bomb, one hand clutched your chest, trying to relax yourself as your other rubbed your own leg comfortingly. knowing your death was a blink away sent you into a psychotic spiral at the thought that your last breath would be in this room. in this place. in this very moment.
a blood curdling scream erupted around the room, snapping your head up to see the group of o’s charging right into your boundary, screaming and yelling as they pounced onto anyone they could get their hands on.
the lights flickered as the room flipped into a war in the space of a few seconds, sounds of yelling and harsh slashing echoed around. clutching your ears, you rocked back and forward as a loud sob broke up through your throat. “fuck!” you cried into the thick material of your tracksuit, arms covering your head in attempt to blur out the haunting screams that seemed never ending.
“found you, mother fucker!” a voice bellowed toward you, lifting up your glossy ears to stare at player 124 charge at you, face bloodied and covered in a psychopathic grin while in his left palm clutched a shard of glass that dripped crimson blood from the tip. it was no surprise you’d be his circled on his target list due to the fact during the last game, mingle, you shoved his sorry ass out of the room him and his purple headed friend fought so hardly for, which almost costed their lives. now here he is, about to take yours with the same intent you had in that one second during the game.
“i swear im going to fucking slit you in half, bitch.” his words slurred as you stumbled to your feet, not daring to break eye contact while you bit down on your bottom lip that trembled violently.
“fuck you.” you spat, yet your words wobbled along with your legs despite how hard you tried to look ‘tough,’ your eyes still glistened under the flickering lights with tears. nam-gyu howled in laughter, twisting the sharp end of the glass in his hand before his face turned straight in a second. the two seconds he stared felt like an eternity before he charged at you.
yelling, you caught his arm that held the blade pointed at your heart and using your knee you jerked it up to hit in between his legs which forced him to fold over just in time for you to kick him over onto his back. the shard of glass rolled over to the side of his head and in and instant you charged to grab it with shaky legs, only for him to be quicker and yanked at your ankle, shoving you down to the floor.
a slight whimper left your lips tasting the irony taste along your gums due to the impact of you hitting the ground chin first, and before you knew it, nam-gyu had wrestled his way on top of you, using one hand to pin your wrist above your head while the other snatched the shard inches away from your finger tips.
“mm, you’re a good little fighter, huh?” his lips lingered close to your ear while he trailed the sharp end over your face, only grazing your skin slightly. you flinched against his touch, kicking your legs frantically and screaming for help, feeling the tears burn at your eyes. you were fucked, and there was no doubt about it.
feeling your heart thump against your tightened chest, your mind clouded with defeat and you became limp underneath his strength, tossing your head to the side to glance over at the chaos that spread and diseased everyone around you, blood splattered on nearly every wall you looked at while several bodies laid limp , choking on their own blood.
“fucking die, you bitch!” the dark haired man yelled, raising the shard of glass in the air with a smile that sent painful shivers down your spine. and just as you wrenched your eyes shut, the impact of the blade never came. instead, you felt something wet drip down onto your face, pulling one eye open to see a metal poll struck through nam-gyus’s heart before he fell limp ontop of you, his blood seeping and staining your shirt.
opening your mouth to scream, a hand came over to stop any noise from coming out while another shoved the lifeless body of your chest. in-ho stared down at you, blood splattered along his face while his eyes softened at the scene of your shaken face.
“ive got you, ive got you come on.” despite the desperation in his voice his words were none the less slightly comforting despite the chaos around you as he pulled you up from your back where his hand tightening on your wrist and yanked you forward without another word.
you had no time to comprehend what even just happened in that short space of time but you couldn’t help the way your heart fluttered drastically at the way his fingers interlinked within yours as he charged around the bloodbath. his only priority in this devastating scene was to protect you. only you. he couldn’t give less of a shit about the stack of bodies that were growing at his hands as they ran but instead he looked back every second to see if you where still chasing behind.
his warm hand came onto your lower back and pulled you forward through the door that was questionably opened immediately the second the square masked guard caught a glance of in-ho and it made your stomach sink in confusion at how willingly they were to let him through with just a glance. yet your curiosity was died down as in-ho shoved the bathroom door open with his elbow while his other kept firmly on your waist.
your eyes hurt from the bright light on the bathroom, baby pink walls almost blinding you as you adjusted to the sudden change in atmosphere. quiet. silence. and still your heart never slowed down for a second.
“are you hurt? did that bastard hit you?” in-ho cupped either side of your head in his head, tilting your chin from side to side as his eyes glistened with a hint of panic. taking in the scene, you noticed the way his hair was messed up compared to his usual style, his eyebrows knotted into a frown while he examined the features along your face. softly, his finger lingered over a small cut under your eye from where nam-gyu nipped at your skin and you took in the way his jaw clenched just at the sight of blood from your pretty face.
a groan rumbled in his throat, yet he quickly swallowed down his anger to return his soft eyed gaze back onto you. for a split second his eyes glanced down at your lips before returning back to your face. “poor girl.” he coed, it was like his tone was glazed with honey, sweet and sickening as his hand rubbed against your hair.
you can’t deny the warmth that grew in your lower abandonment, and hell did it twist with guilt at the same time knowing lives were being took the very same second your here in the arms of the man who had caught your wondering eyes the second you saw him. still, it felt fucking euphoric to be beneath his finger tips.
perhaps he read your mind because instead of taking his hand away it came to the back of your neck and yanked you against his lips which you were caught staring at the whole time apparently and you tasted the desperation along his soft lips.
his mouth moved harshly against yours, his tongue arching his way into your mouth and finding the warmth of yours while his other hand came to squeeze at bare skin of your waist which made your heart flutter at feeling his cold fingers against the softness of your skin. the world felt like it was spinning beneath your feet, yanking at his dark hair while your tongues battled for dominance.
“you have no idea how badly ive wanted this.” he whispered against your lips and it sent shivers to the bottom of your spine along side the way slick began to form between your legs as he backed you up against the wall.
tilting your head back you let him gain access to your neck and he wasted no time to sink his teeth into the plush feeling of your skin, tasting and licking along the pulse point on your throat which quickened at the warmth of his tongue exploring you. leaving bruises, in-ho stepped back for a moment to admire his claiming all over your skin while you stood breathless under his predatory eyes.
“take off your clothes.” he growled, returning back to the warmth of your neck before you could even respond to which he squeezed the skin of your waist. “don’t make me ask again.”
gulping, you nodded almost a little to quickly and you stumbled to pull down and kick off the material of your trousers that bunched at your ankles to where in-ho’s fingers pressed to your clothed cunt almost immediately.
“all this for me?” he chuckled against your skin, running a long digit along the wet patch on your panties. “fuck, you’re so good for me..” his voice made you clench your thighs around his hand to where he tugged at the thin cloth and ripping it off your body.
gasping, you slump against the wall he backed you up against, making you shiver at the cold material against your bare thighs and ass. “m-maybe we should do this-“ you began to mumble against his grip yet a sharp moan left your lips when a cold finger came to rub against your aching clit.
slowly, the man sunk to his knees in front of you, not once breaking eye contact as he lowered down your body, leaving a trail of kisses behind. taking your hand into his hair, your chest heaved with anticipation while his dark eyes took in the way your mouth draped open at his slow kisses, tossing your head back against the cold tiles as he gently nipped at the silk skin of your upper thighs.
“please in-ho..” you whispered just loud enough for him to hear, your voice croaking with desperation to feel his mouth against you dripping cunt.
“what do you want me to do, baby? use your words for me.” he kept one hand on your hip, using his other to run along the wet slither of your clit that burned for his tongue.
“fuck me!” you cried out, pulling at his dark locks. “fuck me with your tongue!”
“yes ma’am.” you felt him smile against your cunt before he licked a long strip of your wetness from its surface, tasting the sweetness of your slick against his tongue. your body felt like it was on fire with the way his mouth worked its magic on your pussy.
feeling him hum in satisfaction against your cunt sent thousands off sparks up into the pit of your stomach while you moaned out, gripping onto his hair while still pushing his head down further into your pussy while your orgasm began bloom. for a moment he turned his head up to stare at you, lips glossy and puffy from your wetness while he looked at you with a stare that you swore could swallow you whole. and fuck, did it feel like everything around you was twirling on a carousel.
stars started to form in the corners of your eyes while one leg rested over his shoulder, giving him better access you suck you dry, tongue poking into your tight hole which you swear could cum at the way his tongue worked so beautifully up and down your pussy to the point it had its own heartbeat. your mind fogged to the point of realisation as it flashed back to the scene of the guards when they allowed you both to leave the death trap so quickly with just the nod of approval from in-ho. why would they do that? what validation of protection does this man have that nobody else does?
“h-hey.. in-ho?” you managed you gasp out over your wave of moans in which he hummed against your pussy, forcing your eyes to roll to the back of your head. “how did t-those guards just..” he thrusted his tongue so far up into your hole before you could even finish your sentence and you swore you felt you knees buck against his face at the movement, crying out a painful whimper.
his hand dug into the plush flesh of your ass as you grinded your pussy deeper into his face, pulling on his hair the same way his tongue pulled at the strings attached to your heart. riding out your orgasm, you felt your thighs clench around his pretty face that buried in between your legs as you sobbed so loud the entirety of the security guards could probably hear the joyful cries you let out.
with wobbly knees and a head filled with fairies you wrenched your eyes closed, feeling yourself let loose and finally reach the climax of your orgasm as you clenched around his tongue, your cum laced and coated his mouth.
“holy shit..” you panted harshly, chest dropping and rising at rapid speed while in-ho’s face pulled away slowly from your pussy, his glossy lips twisting into a grin before he brought his thumb to the corner of his mouth, licking away any residue you left on his face.
“you taste sweeter than i thought, baby.” his beautiful dark eyes took the view of you in awe, admiring the way your forehead beaded with sweat, eyebrows knotted in satisfaction as you ran your fingers through his hair.
slowly he rose to his feet, taking his finger he sucked out of his mouth with a small pop before tucking a loose strand of your messy hair behind your ear, smiling that sweet smile you remembered and adore all too well.
and just as quickly as he came to scroop you away, he left just as slick without a word, adjusting his shirt on the way out and leaving you alone in the bathroom, trousers bunched at your ankles.
“what the fuck just happened.”
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interruptions
PAIRING: nerd!rafe cameron x popular!reader
SUMMARY: you keep on interrupting rafe’s rambles with your kisses.
WORD COUNT: 565
WARNINGS: lots of kisses; fluffy mostly, just very slightly suggestive in between; usage of nicknames; rafe being kinda shy and flustered my baby :’)
EDITH SPEAKS: this fic is inspired by this fic by @xoxochb. it’s a percy jackson one, and if you are interested in that fandom i definitely recommend reading this fic and checking the rest of their stuff out!
and, thank you to @maddsxfall too who helped me write this fic :) I love u maddie! <3
I hope you all enjoy reading this! as always, reblogs and feedback are highly appreciated 🌌
masterlist / join my taglist / requests / moodboard and concept for my nerd!rafe x popular!reader fic
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“The cosmos is made of isolated points – the stars, which are connected by invisible lines of influence, and similarly, our brains are also made of isolated points, in this case, the neurons, which are also connected by–”
Rafe’s ramble is cut off with your lips pressed on his, his eyes immediately shutting close at the reaction.
“What was that?” He mumbles, eyes barely open as you pull back and look up at him, gently pushing his glasses above the bridge of his nose.
“You just looked so cute rambling about whatever it was you were rambling about,” you laugh softly.
His own lips lift up to a small smile as he softly shakes his head. “As I was saying, our neurons are also connected by invisible lines of influence and– mmph neurons create patterns of thoughts and memory while– mmh stars create– hmm patterns for navigation and storytelling,” Rafe looks at your grinning face, the way you feel so victorious about interrupting his ramble again and again with kisses.
“What else?” You mumble softly, pressing your lips back to his in a firm kiss, allowing both of yourself to stay in your bubble for a moment or so before pulling back.
“Uh, also uh…” Rafe clears his throat, a little flustered from your kisses, which you can visibly see from the pink flush beginning to color his cheeks. You giggle softly, watching how his glasses slide down his nose again and just decide to take them off, carefully keeping them to the side.
“Mhm, go on,” I hum softly, giving him another small kiss.
“There are 86 billion neurons in a human brain,” Rafe murmurs against your lips, and you kiss them softly again, “and when we zoom out enough– mmh the web of neurons looks a lot like–” A soft gasp leaves Rafe lips when you begin to trail your lips behind his ear, gently kissing the delicate skin there before trailing down to the side of his neck.
“Yeah baby?” You mumble into his neck, your voice vibrating against his skin which sends a shiver down his spine.
“looks a lot like… the cosmos, like the… galaxy clusters connected… with…” he lets out soft breaths between words, feeling his eyelids getting heavier. “dark matter…” he finally breathes out.
You are pressing gentle kisses over the sensitive skin of his neck, soft shallow breaths leaving his lips as he feels a certain tingling sensation on his neck.
“You’re so smart…” you mumble softly, kissing up to his sharp jawline and over his cheek before reaching his lips again, and pressing a soft kiss to them. “I love hearing you ramble,” you mumble against his lips, pulling back slightly and smiling at his flustered cheeks.
“You… you do?” Rafe mumbles quietly, “it’s not boring?”
You shake your head with your smile still proud on your lips. “Never. Do it as much as you want to,” you murmur.
“Did you know there were countless stars that were a part of ancient constellations, but they just dimmed or have gone supernova?” He blurts out, his voice quiet.
You let out a soft chuckle and give him a soft peck on his lips. “Oh yeah?” You murmur, kissing his lips again. “Tell me more.”
Rafe can feel his heart warming as you kiss him repetitively and ask him to tell you more.
Oh here we go again.
⊹₊⋆.˚୨୧⋆.˚₊ ⊹
taglist: @oxpogues4lifexo / @inthelibrarybtw / @mileyraes / @chenslucy / @totalswag / @wearemadeofstardust0 / @percysley / @superswaggycooch / @khaisdrz / @weirdowithnobeardo / @chimchimjiminie16 / @ursovaine / @mariamadison6-blog / @snowtargaryen / @htlkira / @acidfeens / @r4fe-cam3ron
tagging a few moots: @runningfrom2am / @ilyrafe / @zyafics / @nemesyaaa / @ladyinbl00d / @jjsbank444 / @b1mb0slvt / @maddsxfall
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron obx#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron fluff#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron drabble#rafe cameron concept#rafe cameron prompt#drew starkey#nerd!rafe#nerd rafe cameron#𓂃𓏲 ⋆˙ ₊˚⊹ nerd!rafe ꒷ ᵎᵎ#𓂃𓏲 ⋆˙ ₊˚⊹ popular!reader ꒷ ᵎᵎ#𓂃𓏲 ⋆˙ ₊˚⊹ written by edith ꒷ ᵎᵎ#𓂃𓏲 ⋆˙ ₊˚⊹ edith writes rafe cameron ꒷ ᵎᵎ#𓂃𓏲 ⋆˙ ₊˚⊹ divider by ianrkives ꒷ ᵎᵎ
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Sunshine
Pairing: Recovering Winter Soldier!Bucky Barnes | Lab technician!You.
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Description: As Shuri's top and most emotionally intelligent technician, you are the one Bucky ends up opening up to during his recovery in Wakanda… And then some.
Warning(s): Top Bucky, bottom reader, his vibranium arm, inexperienced reader, experienced Bucky, dirty talk, pet names, fingering, allusions to unprotected p-in-v sex, nipple biting, kissing, virgin reader, smut with plot, reader and Bucky like each other, brief mentions of his Winter Soldier days, age gap, teasing, humiliation, size kink, allusions to dacryphilia. Minors do not interact.
Type: Request by @imagine-all-the-fandoms, here.
Note: Can you tell I am obsessed with the arm?
MASTERLIST
.
It was usual for Bucky's corner of residence to remain deserted. He was still relatively new to Wakanda and people had heard enough tales about his past life to not welcome him with too much hospitality. They didn't take too warm heartedly to outsiders as it was. And a former killing machine was… well, you guessed it. But you were not sure that Bucky really minded. Apart from the bond he had formed with you -very slowly and steadily, might you add- during his therapy in Shuri's lab, you had observed he preferred being by his lonesome and did not mind the isolation.
The more you found out about him, the more you reckoned he probably needed it.
That was the reason why you felt guilt nip at your cheeks when you heard some leaves rustle behind you and when you instinctively turned to see what it was, you found no one other than Bucky staring back at you. Momentary panic settled in your bones but before you could try and ramble your case and embarrass yourself any more, Bucky offered you a small and friendly smile. You had no idea what it was about him that made you all shy and mum because usually you were a very confident and forthcoming person. You were Shuri's top technician after all. But there was something about the way Bucky's blue eyes watched you, how they flickered down your face just momentarily at times, the manner in which his lashes flexed if he looked further down south, and how his tongue subconsciously swiped across his lips during a conversation sometimes.
It spread warmth throughout your whole body.
… Like right now.
“The… stars are so bright tonight” you tried your best to mask the awkwardness with a casual amiability. What? Bucky made you feel nervous, alright?
The male only hummed in agreement as he quietly took a perch beside you, letting his longer legs down the edge of the lake that ran behind his cabin and letting his now bare feet touch the water that everyone used for swimming and fun.
The two of you stayed like that for a little bit, Bucky had never been much of a conversationalist in all the time you had known him and it was always you who had to prompt him to speak or engage in casual talk or even a discussion. A content smile played at your lips while you gazed up at the stars. You liked his corner of the land. It was very calming and serene. Perhaps even more so than the rest of Wakanda. Or so you felt.
It was Bucky's corner after all.
“So… how's the new arm?” You nodded towards the black and gold vibranium arm that the lab had finalized after various meticulous precautions and measurements while giving him the best mental and even physical therapy possible all the while. Shuri had called in Bucky this afternoon to finally install it into the socket you and other technicians had built into his side. After one last test to see if his HYDRA conditioning really was gone for good, it had been you who had with the use of tender and nimble fingers locked the arm into place. It had been a rather emotional moment and you were the only tech Bucky had allowed to touch him. Since he had never been allowed any liberty in his past life, Shuri made sure you all respected the man's comfort first and foremost.
You could never have a problem with that.
“Pretty good, actually” your eyes followed the glint of the moonlight bouncing off the bionic limb as he flexed his fingers and slowly twirled his arm for you to see. “More comfortable too” you were a nerd so it got you excited. And no, the fashion in which the digits of his new hand had stretched had nothing to do with it.
“Yes! Shuri actually wanted to use…” You began the technical ramble Bucky didn't really understand but didn't mind either. “I suggested we instead use…” And it wasn't sympathy humming either, you had learnt that the Soldier had retained his sassy side and if you were boring him out, he had his quiet ways of giving you a shut up call. “Because I knew that it would bite on your skin…” You hadn't realized just how close you had scooted into Bucky and the way you were cradling his vibranium arm and its various crevices while it laid in your lap until his hot breath fanned some of the stray strands away from your face. “S- So…” Your voice wavered from the hyperawareness all of a sudden, eyes flickering down to his lips before you could stop them and your no longer coherent words quivered. “I- I… she… we…” A breathless chuckle escaped him.
“Y/n?”
“Bucky?” You tried to focus and as a result ended up widening your eyes so much that you looked like a fish out of water. What? Straight A bookworms like you didn't enjoy the luxury of knowing their way around the sex of interest.
“Shut up” his words were outwardly blunt but the tone in which he said them, the half smile which made his lips handsomely droop to one side and the manner in which he leaned in soon after stopped you from getting offended just in time. Though you couldn't really visualize yourself getting mad at him anyways.
“Okay, Bucky” was all you were allowed to blurt out before his pleasantly soft lips pressed against yours. You whimpered into his mouth from how tender the kiss was and how delicate he was about it. You had no idea what you were expecting and if you were even expecting something, but something so soft coming from a man with a stature like Bucky's, you were taken by a pleasant surprise. The kiss was warm and meaningful.
… But way too short.
You gasped once you came to your senses and realized the gravity of the situation. You were kissing Bucky fucking Barnes! The kiss had been rather brief– too brief, but it had also felt like an eternity at the same time due to how your brain had declined you of its service.
Bucky was taken aback by your gasp and now a guilty panic began to mar his handsome features. “I… am sorry…” He wasn't as inexperienced as you but there were generations and years of lack of practice between you two and self doubt began to fill him. “I–” you vehemently shook your head when he began to back away.
“N- No! No, no!” You repeated desperately. “No, Bucky!” You finally had him after months of secret wondering and longing and you were not about to let it go. “No!” So you leaned in yourself this time and hurriedly pecked his lips before pulling back a little to look at him to see if he was still comfortable with it. The next kiss you pressed to his lips was admittedly one that caused for guilt to knot up in your chest because his expression had been difficult to read and in case he didn't want to take this any further, you needed to feel him one last time.
Bucky wordlessly kissed you again and you didn't give him a chance to back away this time. And after that it was a passionate tussle of your hands and lips pulling and sucking down at one another until you were both undressed in Bucky's bed, tangled together.
Bucky's vibranium fingers cupped the side of your face as he put his hot tongue into the kiss. You were laying down on your back in the middle of the bed and his huge form was bent over you, one knee pushed between your legs. The man knew how to kiss and he certainly knew how to eat, it was clear from how his tongue pressed against yours before it went to explore the rest of your mouth. The way he swirled it around your own sent heat and shivers down your abdomen and straight to your core that had begun to pulsate when you were still outside.
“Tell me, doll,” his guttural voice made you moan into his mouth when he let his bionic fingers trail down the side of your body before they found a hold in the soft cut between your hip and torso. “Did you fantasize about me touching your pretty body like this when you used to ‘inspect’ the arm, hm?” You blushed severely. Bucky knew a slut when he saw her. Even the shy little inexperienced ones like yourself. He was twice your age and had ten times more experience.
“B- Bucky…” You felt called out as your ticklish palms -courtesy of his stubble- began to moisten up from the shame his words made you feel.
“Are you really gonna deny it?” His voice was low and sexily lewd. That tongue of his did the sexy thing again where he ran it along his flush lower lip and your thighs quivered in response to the visual. “Because I've seen the way you used to look at it… The way you looked at it today…” Images of him flexing his fingers as trial from earlier today appeared before your eyes and you couldn't help but wonder if you would feel them tonight. Or how they'd feel if one was to get lucky with him. The thoughts made you want to tighten your thighs against one another, only his knee hindered your wishes.
“Bucky…” It was a whine this time and he chuckled.
“Aw, what is it, huh baby?” He hungrily kissed your lips again before he pulled back just enough so he could be audible but not so much that the spit string between your mouths would break. “Tell me and I'll give it to you” you surprised yourself by placing your hand over his and eagerly pushing it down towards your aching pussy. Bucky snickered. “Is that what you want, pretty girl? My fingers in between these sexy little legs of yours?” You sheepishly nodded but said nothing, rolling your hips from the surge of lava his deep voice was causing in your loins. “I am sorry, baby. But this won't do” he clicked his tongue as he pretended to pull away.
“W- What?!” Your imploration was unintentionally loud. “Why?!”
The coral of his eyes had become so much darker than when he had first kissed you. “Because you must use your words for me first” his body weight rested on his elbow as he stroked your face with his right hand, speaking in the tone of a man addressing a child. “Tell me what you want” his metal fingers kneaded the tender flesh of your hip as his lips pressed against you in a series of pecks.
You softly pouted. “B- Bucky!” The whine you let out was accusatory in nature. Because he knew exactly what you wanted.
“Aw” he mimicked your pout. This man was so different from the recovering sunshine you had known before this night. The disparity caused for a drop of hot arousal to bubble past your opening. “Would you look at this pouty little thing here?” His thumb traced the shape of your bottom lip before he pressed it down with the tip.
“P- Please…” He was being so mean. It embarrassed you. But it also added to your arousal.
Bucky was making you work for it.
“I know, baby. I know…” He pressed kisses along your jaw in consolation, metal fingers coming up to toy with the swells on your chest. “Pretty things like you aren't used to putting in much work, are they?” Well, no. Simply because this was the most action you had ever gotten. But it made your pussy throb nevertheless. “Well, that's not how things work around here, baby. You gotta tell me how you want me first” you whined past the thick bile in your throat but Bucky did not relent, instead choosing to intently watch you until you caved to him and your need.
He could do that for the rest of eternity anyways.
“F- Fine…” Your voice was a begrudging whisper once you realized there was no way out.
“‘Atta girl, go ahead…” His voice was a much agreeable velvet.
“N- Need you…” You cleared your throat since you were barely audible. “Need you, Bucky” your back arched in shock and a whimper escaped you when you went to place your smaller hand on his bionic one to guide it to your pussy only to him twist your nipple that he had been fingering at the very last moment.
“I am sorry, what was that?” The clamber in his breathing rate signaled that he had heard you loud and clear. But he just wanted to be cruel to your dignity.
You were on the verge of tears. “Need you, Bucky!” Before you forced his hand down your body again. “... D- Down there!” The lower part of your abdomen was thumping like it did when you had first discovered the state of arousal.
“Down where?” You felt like screaming at the tease in his tone.
“Y- You know where!”
“Do I?”
You hissed. “Down there!” You made him cup your pussy. “Here! Right here!” Your breath quivered at the feel of the metal brushing past your sensitive petals. “B- Between… between… Ah!” Your blood curdled at the wanton moan you let out, surprised by your own ability to make such a sound.
“Oh, so you mean this cute little pussy, huh?” His bionic digits finally spread themselves over your needy core and your mind nearly melted out of your ears.
“Y- Yes!” You breathily admitted, flinging your head to the side as you gripped his shoulders from the sensory overload, your hardened nipples grazing against his hairy chest.
Bucky tutted like the teasing asshole he was. “You gotta say it, baby” his fingers squished their way between your pussy lips and the feel of the textured digit running down the stripe between them had you shuddering. “Say it properly. Tell me you need me in this cute little pussy of yours” when you whined in protest, he licked a stripe on the side of your mouth and then sealed it with a hot kiss. “You can do it, pretty girl. You're already doing so well for me” his words had caused you to make a puddle of warm white liquid on his bed. But Bucky didn't seem to mind. “Come on.”
“N- Need you in m- my…” Your throat dried out and your voice remained absent until Bucky hummed in an encouraging manner and dipped his head between your head and shoulder to pepper kisses along your sensitive throat, metal fingers flexing over your pussy in a rapid, circular design. Your smaller body quivered under his, knees buckling up to press into his sides from the sensitivity of it all. “Need you in my c- cute little pussy so bad– oh!” Your back jerked itself straight when Bucky's middle finger found its way into your weeping cunt all of a sudden.
“Sorry, whose cute little pussy?” His friendly smile had any intentions but.
“M- My cute little pussy!” Your toes curled at your own words.
“See, baby?” His teeth that were busy marking you his grazed against the soft skin of your neck. “That wasn't so hard now, was it?”
“Oh, Bucky!” He scooped you up against his chest with his other arm and crawled with you until your head was on his pillow and he was hovering above you. Your lips were parted and your balmy pussy was tight around his finger that fucked in and out of you as a steady pace.
“I think we have ourselves a problem here, doll” Bucky rasped as he tickled your clit with thumb, adding another finger to your opening. You were so wet that despite the tightness of the band, the metal digit slid right in.
You couldn't help but rock your hips against his hand, your own stroking his arm that rested on your torso while he played with your nipples. “W- What problem?” Any volume above what classified as whispering was impossible for you in your lust dumb and still shy state.
“Your pussy is too tiny for me” and that night you lived to learn that he was right.
Minutes– no, hours had gone into Bucky opening you up and preparing you for his girth, shushing and consoling you with kisses and praises before your taking. Though you had been insistent that he not stop what he was doing because of how good it felt, tears and snot had admittedly been spilled.
But the way his thick cock had filled you up to the brim so completely, the manner in which all its crevices had pressed against your tight velvet walls, the fashion in which his tip had created for itself a sensitive spot deep up your cavern, the affectionate and intimate style in how Bucky had snaked his vibranium arm around your form to hold you close against him while his hips had done their eventually brutal work and the length of his cock had rapidly fucked in and out of your stretched out cunt, your fingers tugging at his dark locks whilst his mouth marked you everywhere he desired, the pleasure you felt from the sting his mouth produced, and the bobbing of your knees which lay atop his against his sides… the orgasms had been loud and many.
Though when the two of you exited his cabin the next morning and entered the line of sight of your employer who was both surprised and impatient by your being late to work for the first time ever, the mangled expressions of passion from the night before were present on neither of your faces, content smiles having replaced them.
You had high hope it was going to stay that way.
.
#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x oc#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes blurb#james barnes#james bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#sergeant james buchanan barnes#james bucky buchanan barnes#bucky barnes
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♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ : MORE THAN WORDS : :;
╰┈➤ ❝ [PAIRING] ❞ Logan Howlett x F!Reader
・❥・GENRE: Fluff and a bit of angst
˚୨୧⋆。˚ ⋆FANDOM: X-Men
ੈ✩‧₊˚ WARNINGS: Pregnancy, Emotional Angst, Brief Mention of Fear of Abandonment, Discussion of Uncertainty About Parenthood
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥SUMMARY: You find out you're pregnant with Logan's baby and confide in your sister Jean, unsure how to tell him. With her support, you eventually tell Logan, who’s initially shocked but reassures you he’s not leaving, and the two of you commit to facing the future together.
Based on this request
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THE SKY OUTSIDE WAS SOFT WITH THE EARLY LIGHT OF DAWN, casting a warm glow through the large windows of Xavier's School. You stood in the kitchen, gripping a mug of tea between both hands, but you couldn’t bring yourself to take a sip. The steam swirled up, almost hypnotic, but your mind was far away from the present moment.
You were pregnant.
Logan’s child was growing inside you, and the weight of that realization felt like an anchor pulling you deeper into your own thoughts. How could you tell him? His life had been filled with so much pain, loss, and isolation. What if this wasn’t something he wanted? Or worse, what if this was something he couldn’t handle? The questions swirled around in your head like a storm.
And then there was Jean—your sister. She would know what to do. She always did.
You needed to talk to her.
~
You found her in the garden, seated on one of the stone benches with a book resting in her lap. Her red hair glistened in the sunlight as the soft breeze carried the scent of flowers and freshly cut grass through the air. You stood there for a moment, watching her, wondering how to even begin.
She glanced up before you could even make a sound, her green eyes immediately softening as she saw the turmoil on your face. “Hey,” she said gently, closing the book and setting it aside. “What’s going on?”
You sat down beside her, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt, feeling the weight of the unspoken words pressing against your chest. “Jean, I—I need to tell you something, but I don’t know how to say it.”
Her brow furrowed slightly, concern creeping into her voice. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
You let out a shaky breath, your eyes focusing on the ground as if it held the answers you were searching for. “I’m pregnant, Jean.”
There was a pause. Silence hung in the air between you for what felt like an eternity before Jean spoke, her voice soft with surprise. “Pregnant?” She turned to face you, her hand gently resting on your arm. “Oh my god… does Logan know?”
You shook your head quickly, the thought of that conversation sending a fresh wave of anxiety through your veins. “No, he doesn’t. I haven’t told him yet. I don’t know how.”
Jean’s face softened, and she squeezed your arm reassuringly. “Hey, it’s going to be okay. Logan loves you. He’ll understand.”
You scoffed lightly, not because you didn’t believe her, but because you didn’t know if Logan knew *how* to deal with something like this. “Jean… he’s been through so much. I don’t want to bring more chaos into his life. He already has enough of that.”
Jean sighed, her eyes thoughtful as she considered your words. “I get it. Logan’s life has been hard—harder than most. But this isn’t chaos. This is something beautiful, something new. You’re not throwing him into more pain. You’re giving him a future.”
You looked at her, biting your lip. “But what if he doesn’t want it? What if this… if I… if we’re not what he needs?”
Jean paused, letting the question linger in the air. She tilted her head slightly, her gaze filled with understanding. “You won’t know until you tell him. But you can’t carry this alone. You’re not alone in this.” She brushed a stray lock of hair behind your ear. “And Logan isn’t the kind of man who would just walk away from something like this. He’s been fighting for a family for years, whether he knows it or not.”
You nodded slowly, her words sinking in, but your heart was still racing. “How do I even start? How do you tell someone something like this?”
Jean smiled gently, trying to ease your fears. “There’s no perfect way. Just tell him the truth. Be honest with him, and let him process it how he needs to. You’re both in this together, remember?”
The thought gave you some strength. Together. You and Logan had always faced the world together, no matter what. Maybe this would be no different.
“I’m scared, Jean,” you admitted, your voice a whisper.
“I know,” she said softly. “But you don’t have to do this alone.”
You gave her a weak smile, feeling some of the weight lift off your chest. “Thanks. I… I just needed to hear that.”
She leaned in and hugged you tightly. “You’ve got this. And if you need me, I’m here, okay?”
You nodded, letting out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. Now came the hard part.
~
You found Logan later that day in the garage, working on one of the old motorcycles. The sight of him, rugged and focused, usually made your heart skip in that familiar way, but today it only heightened your nerves. He wiped the grease from his hands with a rag, looking up when he noticed you standing there.
“Hey, darlin’,” Logan said, his voice low and gruff, though his eyes softened when they landed on you. “You okay? You’ve been quiet all day.”
You took a deep breath, steeling yourself for what had to be said. “Can we talk?”
Logan raised an eyebrow, immediately sensing something was up. “’Course. What’s goin’ on?”
You walked closer, feeling your heart pound in your chest. There was no turning back now. “Logan… I don’t really know how to say this, so I’m just going to come out with it.”
He set the rag down, giving you his full attention, concern etched in his expression. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m pregnant,” you blurted out, your voice barely above a whisper.
The words hung in the air between you, and you watched as Logan’s face went blank for a moment. His hands stilled, his breath catching in his throat. For a split second, you feared the worst—that this was too much for him, that he would shut down or push you away.
But then his brow furrowed, his lips parting as he struggled to find the right words. “You… you’re sure?”
You nodded, biting your lip nervously. “I found out a few days ago. I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you.”
Logan stared at you, his intense gaze searching your face for any sign of doubt. Slowly, his hand reached out, resting against your stomach, almost as if he needed to feel it to believe it. His fingers were gentle, the contrast to his usual gruffness catching you off guard.
“You’re havin’ my kid,” he muttered under his breath, almost like he was trying to wrap his head around it.
“Yeah,” you whispered, your eyes fixed on his face, watching for any sign of how he was feeling.
There was a long pause before he looked up at you again, his expression unreadable. “How long have you known?”
“A few days. I wanted to tell you sooner, but… I didn’t know how you’d react.”
Logan’s hand stayed where it was, his thumb unconsciously stroking your skin as he took in a deep breath. “I’m not gonna lie… this is a lot. I wasn’t expectin’ it.”
“I know,” you said quickly, feeling your heart race. “I didn’t expect it either. And if you’re not ready for this, I—”
“Stop,” he cut you off gently, his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that took your breath away. “This is… hell, I don’t know what this is. But I know one thing—I’m not leavin’ you. I’m not walkin’ away from this.”
You blinked, surprise flooding through you. “Logan…”
“I’m not good at this stuff,” he admitted, his voice rough but steady. “I ain’t ever had somethin’ like this. But I want it. I want this with you.” His voice grew softer, more vulnerable. “I don’t know how to be a father… but I’ll try.”
A tear slipped down your cheek, and you let out a shaky laugh, overwhelmed with relief. “I don’t know what I’m doing either, but we’ll figure it out.”
Logan’s arms wrapped around you, pulling you close as he rested his chin on top of your head. His embrace was solid, unyielding, as if he were silently promising that he would be there, no matter what came next.
“We’ll figure it out together,” he murmured, and for the first time that day, you believed it.
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🏷️: @twinky-wink @fidgetingbee @astarions-girl-dinner @layladestiny8 @birdy-bat-writes @h0n3y-l3m0n05
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#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett fluff#wolverine x reader#deadpool and wolverine#hugh jackman#logan howlett imagine#x men x reader
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Why doesn't Edwin call Charles, "Charlie?"
I shared the isolated audio of Charles' death scene where his "friends" taunted him as they killed him, and in that video, they called him "Charlie." This confirmed what many people in fandom already believed: Charles, a sporty teenage boy in the 80s, would not have gone by his proper first name and likely went by a nickname/shortened version of his name instead.
Now that we know that to be true, it does beg the question: why does Edwin call him Charles? I told you all not to get me started on this in the tags, but you stinkers want me to yap, so let's get into it! 😜
This is a very uninteresting answer, but I think Edwin does not call Charles "Charlie" simply because Charles did not introduce himself as such. Had he introduced himself as Charlie, I don't think Edwin would call him anything else.
This actually brings us to the "meat" of this analysis, and the more important question we need to ask: why would Charles choose not to introduce himself as "Charlie" if that's what people seemed to call him?
I have a couple of theories:
The first one: when Charles meets Edwin he's in a fragile state. A boy he's never seen in all his time at school approaches him, seeming to come out of thin air, just to bring him a lantern without any strings attached (even though Charles cannot give him anything in return). Charles has never experienced that kind of unconditional kindness in his life, and I'm sure that alone was enough to be a bit earth-shaking, mind-scrambling, and intimidating.
But it doesn't end there! The boy who brings the lantern is also claiming to be dead. Delerium/hallucinations are a common symptom of hypothermia so Charles could have though that Edwin was not real or was maybe even some kind of angel-like figure coming to keep him company in his final moments. I mean, the boy's wearing a dated school uniform, enters in a halo glow of golden light, and can walk through walls...it's not the wildest conclusion to jump to.
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I think either of thos things individually or a combination of having your guard up, being a bit frazzled from the whole "dying" thing, and believing you're in the presence of an ethereal deity (combined with the fact that you're a people pleaser at your core) is enough to feel compelled to introduce yourself not in formal manner. Not to mention if Edwin introduced himself first, hand outstretched in a formal matter and proper posh accent on full display (something I can totally see him doing), Charles might have felt a bit silly calling himself by such a casual title.
While I think all of this can be varying degrees of true, however, my biggest personal headcanon is that Charles might not have introduced himself as Charlie because who's to say he LIKED that nickname? My circumstances were similar to Charles' growing up, I also had many nicknames from friends and family that I didn't ask for but was given anyway against my will... and I always hated it. Still cringe at some of them to this day, actually! So I think it's possible that Charlie Rowland met Edwin Payne, with all his formal stature and proper professional-sounding name, and took the opportunity to choose what he'd like to go by, without the influence of family or friends. In that way, his chosen identity that would kick off the rest of his existence moving forward (unknown to him at the moment, but true from a narrative standpoint nonetheless) serves as a "Taking your power back" moment for Charles who literally just heard the name "Charlie" being hurled at him as he begged for mercy from people who were supposed to be his friends. Even if he tolerated the nickname "Charlie" before, it certainly wouldn't have fond associations following the event that ended his life (if it had any positive associations to begin with).
Again, speaking from experience, Charlie also sounds like the kind of nickname that could be sugar-sweet on some tongues, innocent even, (his mother cooing over a young Charles), but terrifying from an abusive figure... a scathing kind of mockery. I've always imagined that Charles' dad more than likely called him Charlie, for example, and not in a fond, loving way (in the same way his so-called "friends" were not doing so in a loving way).
So yeah, why would Charles WANT to go by Charlie?
Now that we've established that, we can go back to Edwin...what you came here for!
All that in mind, I still don't see Edwin as the nickname type at all. From a romance standpoint I could maybe see him using a few dated, sappy endearments, but we don't ever hear him use a casual name toward anyone. In his lifetime Charlie would have been a perfectly normal name, but the kind of "fond" nicknaming practices and casual male friendships that happened in 1989 were not common practices in 1916, the Edwardian era. Even with his infinite fondness of Charles, I could never see Edwin uttering "Charlie." It doesn't feel right.
Plus, let's be honest: Edwin says Charles' name with enough love and reverence that he doesn't need to use an endearment. His tone says it all (lol).
Beyond that though, like I said above, I can't see Edwin feeling to impulse to call him "Charlie" because that's not how Charles introduced himself. Edwin strikes me as the kind of person that would be like, "If he wanted to be called Charlie, he surely would have said as much" and left it at that. But a name like Charlie also conveys a sort of youthfulness, and while he and Charles are 16 forever, technically, they have been detached from their lives for a long time and they're MUCH older than 16 in experience and in their professional life.
The only question I was left with, and one I've seen several people ponder, is why Charles would suggest they call The Night Nurse Charlie, (like from Charlie's Angels), as it seems a bit strange if his own name is Charlie/he went by Charlie. My answer/interpretation isn't that exciting, but it's one I feel makes the most sense: I honestly think this can easily be explained away by the fact that Charles is so far removed from that identity and so dissociated from his life that he no longer associates the name "Charlie" with himself in any way. Like it literally didn't even occur to him, in that moment, that Charlie/Charles are so similar because he has built a barrier in his mind between himself and that nickname; they're two entirely different identifiers to him. Whether that be a coping mechanism, or simply just something he wasn't thinking so deeply about (it has been 30 years since anyone called him that, except for Brad and Hunter in Port Townsend), we can't say for sure. However, it's clear Charles does not want to go by Charlie, and at least now we can safely assume why.
Let me know your thoughts! Do you agree with my interpretation? Do you have your own opinion that I didn't cover? Feel free to share with me!
Keep streaming Dead Boy Detectives & screaming about it ! Hugs to each and every one of you! 💜
#That was a LOT of words. Sorry I told you all not to get me started lmao#Charles Rowland my son my baby boy my little angel...life was so unfair to him. Poor boy#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#dbda meta#dbda analysis#mine#jayden revri#the dead boy detectives#the dead boy detective agency#save dead boy detectives
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So… I have a lot to say about this post I saw on my feed today. I took screenshots and blocked out the username for the sake of the OP. I didn’t want this to be a callout post for one specific user, and do not wish them any hate or harm. I DO have a whole heap to say about this and the treatment Charles gets from the rdr fandom as a whole, not only the OP in the screenshot.
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I have a lot of problems with this post, and I have been wanting to talk about this issue and pattern I’ve noticed in the rdr community. Again, I do not mean to send any hate in OP’s direction or suggest that OP is racist in any sense. With that being said…
It’s an inherently racial stereotype to assume that Charles, a black and native man, is illiterate with such a lack of evidence or real reasoning behind it. He was isolated for most of his life after the age of thirteen, and he’s been with a gang for only six months. He is very private, and he is shy. He doesn’t talk much at all, much less about reading. I have never seen this sort of assumption made about any other character, claiming they’re illiterate, because they’re never seen reading at camp.
This is the most ridiculous take I have ever seen. Charles is the one who buried Arthur with his own two hands and created his gravestone. He was the only person who knew where Arthur was buried, hence being the sole creator of Arthur’s final resting place. Charles’ handwriting is the one we see on the gravestone. Charles is the one who wrote the inscription on the cross. He is not illiterate.
I think a problem I have with a lot of Charles fans is that they see him as a blank slate. They see Charles, a physically attractive man, who is quiet and take him for that alone. He is often seen as a blank canvas to project their own ideas onto and sort of mold to their own use and convince. And often times, whether knowingly or not, Charles is consistently watered down to racial stereotypes. Race is obviously a part of who he is, and it affects a lot of his actions, as it does with everyone, but that is not all who he is.
Charles is clinging to the fringes of what little of his culture that he does have. His mother was taken from him as a boy, and he holds onto what little he does have and that absence of his mother, and both of his cultures (because people also tend to ignore the fact that he is also black) is a huge part of who he is. But a lot of folks would rather see his shyness as blankness. He is not levelheaded, but he is moral. He is not always morally correct though. It’s frustrating to constantly see who he is being ignored for the sake of the false persona that’s been created for him.
I think a lot of folks need to listen to the one dialogue of Charles opening up at the campfire. Yes it is a relatable speech for a lot of reasons, but it is also about his race, how he experiences the world, and how he feels as though he has no place because of the loss of his mother, the lack of knowing who he is, his culture, and a whole host of other things. He is one of the best written characters in the game, and to brush that aside to make him into this ‘softhearted super caring ideal s/o’ is so frustrating. This is the same man who was ready to kill Uncle if the need arose. He is moral, but they are morals of his own, and he is not always correct. He is also flawed, just like everyone else. He is not a saint. He is a flawed and conflicted man.
To disregard Charles for who he is, is such a great disservice to the character and to all the work put into him, his story, and other people who have and continue to share the same experiences as he does.
#charles smith#arthur morgan#red dead fandom#red dead redemption 2#john marston#charthur#red dead#rdr2#rdr#Rdr community#charles rdr2#charles smith rdr2#red dead redemption two#red dead redemption arthur#charles smith x arthur morgan#charles x arthur#arthur Morgan x charles smith#rdr2 fanart#rdr2 photography#rdr2 arthur#arthur morgan rdr2#rdr2 community#rdr2 fandom#red dead redemption fanart#red dead redemption community#red dead 2 gameplay#fllnordr rants
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Things I Think RTC Did Well In Disability Rep (in 2016-2018 scripts)
exactly what it says in the title. i'm not touching on the pre-2016 scripts because i dont know enough about them and i'm not talking about the 2022 script changes for obvious reasons.
disclaimer, this is all my own opinion as one disabled person, other people may feel differently and that's fine.
Ricky's disability in general
Ricky is a young person who uses mobility aids. He can't talk, implicitly due to dysarthria. He has a degenerative disease, specifically a rare disease which is heavily implied to be neuromuscular. And it's stated outright that his disease is lifespan-limiting and that he's dealt with his own mortality in life.
And all of these things are very underrepresented!
I'm not going to claim that all of these things were explained perfectly or explored in detail in the canon. But just having them on-stage, in my opinion, is a big deal in itself. And it's also a big deal that Ricky is a main character, who has the same character depth as the abled characters, when so many characters like him are reduced to ableist props for other characters' story arcs.
I understand there's been some confusion about the specifics of ricky's disability, in the fandom. And I know part of the confusion comes from the fact that the script didn't explain everything, and glossed over most of the details. But honestly? The fact that so many RTC fans didn't initially understand parts of his disability - such as the fact that it's likely neuromuscular, or the fact that his inability to speak is implied to have a physical cause - just makes it more important that these things were represented on-stage in the first place. They're so underrepresented, little-known, and poorly-understood that many people don't pick up on them even when they are represented!
Just showing these underrepresented disabled experiences on-stage has potential to help a lot of disabled people feel seen, which matters.
Ricky as a victim of ableism
Okay, this one might be controversial, but i'm speaking from the heart here.
Ableism is a huge part of Ricky's backstory and character - the whole Zolar thing is stated to be a coping method to deal with isolation & cruelty. Throughout the musical Ocean infantilizes him in dialogue, and in her song she argues point-blank that he has no reason to be alive due to his disability. The rest of the choir aren't perfect either - sure, nobody else says anything ableist, but they're all bystanders to Ocean's overt ableism, nobody really holds her accountable or acknowledges that what she's saying is fucked up. On top of that, Ricky says after his song that nobody listened to him while he was alive which, combined with the whole choir being shocked upon learning about his deeper thoughts, pretty clearly implies that they all ignored him previously.
And it's so fucking realistic.
Look. I'm not saying that Ocean's ableism was ever handled perfectly in canon. I am saying that when I saw a post-2022 production with the able-bodied Ricky script, I got a sinking feeling in my gut when we got to *that* part of WTWN and I realized the ableist lines had been removed/replaced. Because facing ableism is a huge part of my disabled experience that I barely ever see even acknowledged in media, let alone represented accurately, and the more I face ableism in real life the more I feel I can relate to Ricky, and that is so important to me.
Depicting bigotry in fiction is always difficult to do right - it's a rough balance between "this is not okay and we should not imply that it is" and "many people believe this is okay, wrongly, and that needs to be shown accurately". Sure, you can make it so the antagonist character is overtly ableist and every sympathetic character explicitly says "I do not agree with your ableist views!" and that way it's 100% clear that the ableist actions are wrong. But real ableism isn't just like that. Sometimes real-world ableism is a group of perfectly nice people who just never think about the disabled kid, or how he's doing or whether someone should talk to him, because they've been taught to ignore him. And sometimes it's a girl who swears to God that she's a good person, who considers herself an ally, whose voice stays sweet and kind as she switches between talking to her disabled classmate like he's 5 years old and claiming he doesn't deserve to live.
I think the brutal honesty of ableism in RTC is important. Yeah, it's pretty fucked-up when you think about it - Ocean openly sings about why Ricky shouldn't live, every ableist character is presented sympathetically, nobody is ever actually held accountable for ableism on-stage - and that's just like real life. I'd like to think that it could act as a wake-up call to some abled fans, who are similar to Ocean (+ others) and who could learn to understand the flaws in their worldview when they realize you're not supposed to agree with what she says in WTWN. But even more importantly than that... it makes me feel seen, in a way that I couldn't feel if Ricky's experiences with ableism weren't shown so realistically.
SABM, like, all of it
Do I even need to explain this? Disabled person has a whole furry-themed musical number. That's cool as fuck. God I wish that were me.
Okay, seriously. I think SABM is wonderful and important for a number of reasons. Like all of the character songs, it's important for expanding Ricky's character - not only is it a main glimpse into his interests, but it sets up for us to learn more about his personality and the selflessness that would later lead to the touching Savannah scene. It shows us his deep internal thoughts - it confirms that he has deep internal thoughts - and explains how he's been coping with the ableism he faces.
SABM is weird. I like that. I like that Ricky gets to have weird interests and a weird self-insert fantasy, while being disabled - I like that being disabled isn't treated as his "weird" trait, such that giving him weird interests as well would be "too much". Because that happens a lot! Disabled people are expected to be completely average in every other way to "make up" for our disability. And, yeah, SABM is kind of horny - and that makes sense! Ricky is a teenager, he's in his final year of high school, most people his age do have sexual fantasies. Other characters also reference sex in various ways so it makes sense that Ricky would. And I think it makes sense for SABM to be weird because part of Ricky's backstory is being ignored and isolated due to his disability - that's the sort of thing that, long-term, can leave people without a clear reference point for 'weird' and 'normal', or just leave them having no reason to care about being 'weird' because they're ignored anyway.
But also, if I may get analytical for a moment. Throughout the musical until SABM, Ricky faces a lot of ableism from Ocean, which isn't really commented on - she infantilizes him, both by assuming he's incapable of deeper thought/understanding and by being shocked at the idea that he might talk about porn or sex, and she also argues that he doesn't have a reason to live with his disability. Ocean is a flawed character and an unreliable narrator, but for the first half of the musical, you could be forgiven for thinking maybe you're supposed to agree with her and view Ricky as some pitiable child.
And then in comes Ricky's introduction, followed by SABM. And clearly Ricky isn't mentally a child, in any way - he's developed a whole complex story with deep worldbuilding so that he can imagine himself having sex with alien catgirls. But it also makes it clear that Ricky does have valuable ideas to contribute and, heck, just things he enjoys - which feels significant to me when a few songs ago it was being argued that there's no reason he should be alive.
As I said earlier, the ableism Ricky faces is extremely realistic and relatable to me. And SABM makes it clear that Ocean's ableist views about him are untrue and harmful, without breaking the realism for her to turn directly to the audience and say "By the way, you aren't supposed to agree with most of what I say about Ricky - I'm an unreliable narrator speaking due to my own biases!"
Basically - SABM is a subtle deconstruction of all the ableist things said to/about Ricky throughout the musical. It's an incredibly important part of the musical and an important way to represent a disabled character. And it's also a fucking bop.
Why this is important
Representation matters. That's a concept that has been explained a lot, by people who can articulate it better than I can - I won't fully explain here, just google "why does representation matter".
Look - over the years, many aspects of RTC's disability rep have been criticised in various ways. And a lot of that criticism is completely justified. Many topics were handled confusingly, not fully explained, and not properly explored like they could have been; erasure was pretty much baked into the script, with Ricky becoming able-bodied in the afterlife, and while some productions have tried to alleviate this by retaining his mobility aids nobody has found a workaround for his inability to speak in a genre where it's important for him to sing; and in recent years his disability has been entirely erased from the script, in an incredibly ableist way.
I'm not saying RTC is perfect; far from it. But if I thought there was no value in RTC's disability rep, and Ricky was just some offensive caricature, I wouldn't be in the fandom.
In fact, it's because I love Ricky and see him as valuable disability rep that I think it's important to criticise the parts of the musical that aren't handled well & the issues with disability erasure. RTC had good disability rep - that's why I think it should be improved, why it can be improved, and why i think we should fight against erasure. That's a big part of why I hate the 2022 script changes! Because they erased something that was important to me!
A lot of the things I loved about RTC in the first place are things that I frequently see glossed over, or downright erased, in fanworks. I think sometimes people don't realize the significance of these details, so I wanted to share why I think it's important! Some of these details really need more exploration and more love!
Overall, I think it's important to understand that media can't always be sorted neatly into "good representation" or "bad representation". And that talking about the good things and criticising the flaws can both be important. I really wanted to share my perspective on this topic. Thanks for reading!
#ride the cyclone#rtc fandom#rtc#ricky ride the cyclone#ricky potts#ricky potts rtc#ricky potts ride the cyclone#ricky rtc#harper explains
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Those screenshots are for context as to why I decided to lay out my view on Aric and Japeth there and to also avoid repeating myself.
Now back to the grind! (I will put a 'read more' because this WILL be long, be warned)
Topics: Aric and Japeth's origins, the context of their surroundings, the perfect isolation and the communal influence
@liketwoswansinbalance take a cup of tea or an espresso shot, this is gonna be a while
I will lay out a few of my takes on these two characters before I move forth and talk about their relationship because I feel that if I don't some details will not be understood or they will lack, what I call, flavour!
First, let us start with Aric who I am more experienced with because, well what do you know? He's interesting to think about.
Of course, we have to begin with his origins. That means Lady Lesso and his unknown father who for whatever reason the fandom wiki assumes is deceased but we have no confirmation of that. Perhaps it's because after the 'We can't imagine anyone who would miss him' his father didn't appear yet again Nevers have a very different way of 'loving' their children. Aka it's practically medieval times royalty but without the money, make the baby 'pure' for the bloodline, and move on. In our case make a baby for your lineage(with a willing or unwilling participant or with a sacrificial goat to a demon to clone yourself like it happened in Hester's case) and then we see where the rest goes. Now there is no doubt in my mind Lady Lesso loved Aric and she still most certainly held motherly love for him when they reunited despite him wanting to murk at her and managing to do so in the end. She admitted she was never afraid of him and more so afraid of what he could do to the people she cared about. But she WAS afraid of him when she realised that he was not HER son anymore.
We know that Lady Lesso was afraid of Aric's father. Perhaps the whole 'let's make an heir for our bloodline' was mutual but something happened and Lesso wanted to keep her son and avoid her husband(?)/father of the child. It is funny to me how people assume Ares, the God of War, is his father and honestly? I could see it. Lady Lesso has this aura of power around her and I wouldn't exactly be shocked if the woman who deemed Sophie as truly evil despite all of her flaws would only be swooned off her feet by a literal God, similar to how Sophie was very eager with the prospect of a powerful lover and having therefore a power of position. However, Lady Lesso perhaps sought out more than just power. I believe Aric's dad simply wanted to take Aric for who knows what reasons and Lady Lesso, one of the most powerful sorceresses that we know of(because come on. She managed to make the powerful protecting shield Rafal did at his full strength. That takes something) was AFRAID to confront a 'simple' man.
Now how does this all play in Aric's story if he didn't even know his father? Well, genetics count. Dovey recognised Aric's father from her memories after meeting Aric who had a similar outlook on him. Therefore Aric being very eager for war, battle, and savage violence in general despite maintaining a certain level of discipline which IS needed to win a war regardless of how brutal, would justify the Ares theory.
We know Gods can be charming or persuasive, we saw the air of confidence and undoubtedly strength Lady Lesso carries herself, and we see it in Aric how he has no issue getting where he wants, how he wants it, and deceiving everyone along the way. Despite supposedly having no interactions with girls whatsoever, given that the timeline only mentions that Aric's interaction with a girl ever before ending in the Arbed House was with the daughter of the family that rescued him that he nearly killed(not to mention that I remember that he DID murk their family dog. Perhaps the fact that the family's daughter was 'so weak' paired with his recent trauma of being abandoned by his mother who he most likely loved the most led to his whole 'women are weak, frail and pathetic' beliefs).
Therefore, how does Aric go on to 'seduce' Sophie and Hester? Although he didn't exactly go somewhere with either of the plans he had in mind with Rafal punishing him for going near Sophie and Hester not faltering for the guy he got stabbed by(even if the stab was meant for Agatha), we still see he has some maddening skills in being a charming devil and effortlessly so. Let's not forget that he ended up captain of the boys against any better judgement from Tedros. Sure he broke through the magic shield and we see Tedros question it even if he never gets an answer from Aric on it. A completely strange boy showed up on his doorstep and he just- let him in despite the clear threat he possessed simply because he claimed to(and didn't lie) that he was there as well because like everyone else he had something in this 'game' to go after. We see Tedros acting aggressively to Aric when he loses his patience in regards to the whole 'start a war already' situation, being threatened to be kicked out, but THAT was after Aric already become Captain of the boys. Aric must have proved himself in a different way than just breaking the shield. I mean sure he managed to gather up some henchmen between the time he left the Albert House to the moment he got to the schools, and we know that Aric didn't exactly have any friends. He was persuasive enough to get some other aggressive individuals to follow him and potentially even make them obedient to him. We never know what happens to them after book 2 but most likely just like the other princes and boys they are thrown out/leave because they are no longer needed therefore Aric doesn't keep them around.
Where does this play in the whole Aric-Japeth relationship? It does. Sure, Aric is very conscious about what he does and what effect he has on people but he had to learn he could have such an influence on others, and who was his first 'victim'? I believe that to be Japeth. Now I doubt Aric was aware of what he was doing. He was just a boy, no older than six who had been abandoned and turned spiteful against the cold harsh world. We know NOBODY liked Aric. Rhian and Kei surely didn't yet Japeth did. And I think the reason Rhian and Kei didn't like Aric is for the same reason that Japeth did.
Aric's natural charm worked on Japeth as they grew up together and 'explored'. While Japeth's acts of violence until then were to terrify both his twin and mother to the point Evelyn Sader who was very determined to raise Rafal's children(and who she also carried willingly despite being abandoned) turned to leave them in the exact spot where hearts so evil that they would ruin the endless woods if they were to be properly trained in the School for Evil were hidden (another screenshot y'all).
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Aric wasn't sent there by HIS blood nor guardian but rather by a family mortified by exactly this, a heart truly evil. He ended up there as an external factor who heavily influenced Japeth's perspective and views to the ones they were already being taught in the Albert House. That school's purpose is to redeem evil hearts like redeeming sinners in the Hazbin Hotel. However, the Arbes House had a far bigger success than we see happen with the demons from hell(weird parallel I know but you can't tell me it's entirely wrong given that Japan didn't do far more malicious war crimes than the characters we are presented in that indie animation). Anyway, as previously stated I believe that just as Aric's genetics made him charming, persuasive and manipulative, effortlessly with little to no struggle if I may, Japeth's genetics made him psychotic, prone to delusion as well as overly blinded sighted by his goal to account for all the details that may go wrong. These characteristics we seen in both Rafal and Evelyn.
We know that Evelyn was supposed to raise the boys and with the Mistral, sisters to help make them into what they are supposed to be. Japeth knew of his true nature while Rhian didn't and I don't think that it was Evelyn or Rafal to reveal that to him but rather the Mistral sisters AFTER Evelyn effectively abandoned the boys. I say abandoned because it wasn't until Evelyn saw how truly awful Japeth was that she was willing to truly drop this entire grand master plan despite carrying it so far. House Arbed specialises in hiding these evil souls from the schoolmaster himself therefore as far as Rafal was concerned in the context that he didn't exactly send monthly letters to his sisters, his sons were gone. Therefore even if Evelyn was still delusional enough to think he could be near Rafal, he rewarded her for helping bring him back or better said punished her for getting rid of his bloodline. It would make sense for Rafal to have noticed the impossibility of tracking down his sons the moment they stepped into the Arbed House which wouldn't exactly lead him to believe that there could be any magic more powerful than his to shorten his vision, because why would he? He never even considered that the students who loathed him could secretly work to overthrow him, or at least he didn't believe he'd get far so clearly while this is certainly a far stretch with the whole believing Japeth and Rhian are dead, it isn't entirely deniable. It would also make sense that after knowing of Aric, despite forcing the whole 'abandon your child or your career Lesso' he went off the radar when he got to the Arbed House just like it happened to Japeth and Rhian. Aric was evil just enough for Rafal to make him a DEAN on the SPOT despite having 0 experience whatsoever(outside the whole 'captain of boys)' and went as far as to give him the title of LORD.
I got a bit sidetracked but the point is Aric and Japeth were perfectly isolated and unbothered by any external factors in the Arbed House(perhaps the mistral sister keeping an eye on Japeth but not a lot more than that in the case of which Japeth and Rhian BOTH came in contact with the three only AFTER they left the Arbed House once they 'graduated' which could have been around the same time Rafal kicked the bucket, and Japeth was given more information than Rhian because the mistral sisters saw that unlike Japeth, Rhian's evil nature as little as it was ended up being stomped on and only Japeth was left with more authentic evil purity).
Japeth had violent tendencies but not out of any specific hatred or anger, but simply how he truly was we do not know whatsoever that Aric had such tendencies until after he was abandoned which would explain how compared to Evelyn who was mortified Japeth and willingly abandoned him and Rhian(perhaps Rhian too in the fear he could at any time turn like Japeth), Lesso had NO reason whatsoever to feel such genuine deep fear towards his son despite everything he did, despite the magic he inherited from her and the strength/mentality he might have taken from his father like Evelyn did. Lesso was afraid of Aric's father but loved Aric genuinely while Evelyn was supposedly madly in love with Rafal but FEARED Japeth. See the contrast?
Now that we have this cleared out we can finally begin the TRUE Aric-Japeth analysis as a WHOLE.
Japeth was corrupted by Aric. Yes, you heard me, Aric who undeniably is less evil than Japeth, is the one to have corrupted Aric and not the other way around. As I mentioned everyone saw it as troubling that Aric and Japeth interact with each other and given that it was Aric who ended up going to extreme lengths and being kicked out, rightfully so to think of it. Aric and Japeth only had each other as friends. Japeth was wicked by nature and birth, and Aric was wicked by his surroundings. While Japeth was relatively kept tame, that most likely changed the moment Aric came along. Aric who despite not being as horrible could NOT be contained(Just like Lady Lesso outright acted on betraying Rafal in the favour of the balance instead of just Evil).
Aric was also the first one to do an actual proper kill and not just torture or frighten as Japeth did to his brother and mother. Aric was the one to go the extra mile the moment he was pushed while Japeth despite all his wickedness never did such a thing or considered it even UNTIL Aric came into view and did as far as nearly killing Rhian. I mean a stab to the head-? Rhian had a hell of a skull not to die from it. A parallel to the False Rafal/OG Rhian on how HE had no issue with Hook eliminating competition but he wasn't able to do so himself until he was corrupted by external factors and did it himself at the end of the prequels by killing Rafal.
Likewise, Aric had an unconscious influence on Japeth. Aric had this natural attraction to get his way through. He got Tedros to place him as the Captain of the boys when Chaddick failed Tedros. He got Rafal to make him the new Dean/Lord of New Evil. He could have easily persuaded Sophie if Rafal didn't catch him in time and I dare say that even Hester was more than likely stunned enough by Aric's shenanigans for his action to still count as effective in playing with the victim's mind. However, while Aric was in conscious control of all of this, he never realised how he influenced Japeth. He was just growing, exploring who he was as a person and Japeth was the first-hand witness to that. Aric is more in the spotlight. He is in the shadows enough to not be noticed until it's too late but in the light enough for people to know to keep clear of him even when it is unclear the full extent of his power. Japeth is more of a shadow villain. He has no desire to step into the light, no need to put himself on display or hurt people just for the sake of it like Aric does, instead he does so by his simple nature, unconsciously.
And when growing up, a child takes from what they see around them including other children. Aric's naturally charming and suave behaviour put a spotlight on him from Japeth's perspective. One bright enough so that to him everything else becomes irrelevant as long as it's not related to Aric. If Aric didn't die I highly doubt Japeth would have helped Rhian with everything because he wouldn't have a reason to. Rhian wouldn't have what to bribe him with, even if Rhian didn't know he was beating Japeth out with the promise/idea of bringing back a person who most certainly everyone in the Arbed House despised. (Also the fact that Aric tried to kill Rhian and Japeth was dead serious on seeing Rhian choosing his safety over Japeth's happiness as a betrayal when he decided that Aric is to be kicked out. I mean I doubt it was Rhian's entire choice but that is the way Japeth saw it. Rhian chose himself over him so why should Japeth ever do otherwise for Rhian?).
Now that we established who wore the pants in the 'relationship' and as to HOW and WHY this is, let us define the status of it.
Japeth loved Aric. No doubt. I mean, having a magic space where you scribble your initials EVERYWHERE? I believe Japeth IS aware of how B+C scribbled on anything is usually a sign of romance or at least a very deep feeling. We see Rhian saying that Japeth considered Aric more of a brother than him, however, we then see Japeth ask decoy Aric for a kiss as a trap. Japeth was aware of his feelings towards Aric and so was Aric. However, Aric rejected that part of Japeth. In this regard, Japeth took after Evelyn's delusion that someone who didn't love him the way HE wanted it to, could ever, and also took after both Rafal and Evelyn, with Japeth believing that if he were to bring Aric back he could make him love him. (Rafal who thought he could make Sophie genuinely love him outside of desperation. Also, Evelyn who had thought that being of service to Rafal would gain her anything in her favour).
Japeth is the more powerful one in any aspect but mentally, whereas Aric in contrast naturally shines in through with his 'good' genetics. Japeth doesn't even think of stepping over Aric's authority over him, he lacks that rebellious spirit that Aric shines in. Aric dominates because he wants to. Japeth ended up dominating others because that was what was needed to get the one person he ever loved back. Japeth obeys Aric in his wishes, but during the scene where Tedros pretends to be Aric, we see that Japeth, from the demanding and cold snake, turns into a pleading puppy desperate for affection. He was right there and then ready to accept everything decoy Aric said if he didn't, to his credit and cunningness, test to see if this was even HIS Aric that he is so desperate about. Once he saw it wasn't his Aric, Japeth's delusion settled back in.
I highly doubt that the interaction would have gone any differently. Tedros didn't truly know Aric but he knew how he acted enough to realistically impersonate him for somebody who knew Aric on a far deeper level. Although he certainly must have had a flaw if Japeth decided to test out if this was Aric or not(outside of the fact that Aric was dead because we did later see Arthur talk to Tedros in the plane of dreams/magic so it's not wrong to think Japeth might have truly considered that decoy Aric was indeed Aric talking to him from the realm of the dead).
Now we established the relationship from Japeth's point of view + the view of everyone else but what about Aric? Now we know the romantic side of love was one-sided. We do know that Aric would send letters to Japeth, begging to come to him because he felt off without him, but I doubt that this was because of romantic feelings. Japeth states Aric was ashamed of their love, but this could be his perspective and rather Aric was ashamed of Japeth loving him like that or doing something to make him believe he could ever do that because loving someone also means hoping the feeling is mutual(unless you are that one sexuality where apparently to love people but you don't want them to love you back-??? Don't ask, I saw it once and that was enough for me to decide that the expertise of sexuality beyond bodily and mental psychology is no place for me to study). Aric was disgusted that Japeth who knew him best could ever think Aric could have such awful thoughts. Sure Aric hates women and he may have influenced Japeth in that aspect too because it's not like anybody else told him that women are pathetic creatures outside of Aric, which might result in a healthy young growing boy's hormones turning their attention to the same gender.(Reminder that places such as the military or conservative schools with only one of the gender present raises homosexuality because, in the age of teenhood where hormones flare up, they won't stop just because the opposite gender isn't present. Aric had contact with the opposite gender and saw examples of heterosexual couples, for example, the family who took him in, compared to Japeth who didn't exactly see Rafal around Evelyn I doubt that in the Arbed House, their biggest concern was making the boys good Christian boys and rather just oppress the evil as much as possible so that they can pass by as good. I mean Tedros is supposedly good and he deadpan chose the 'a villain will burn the world for you' route for Agatha so-).
I believe Aric missed Japeth because Japeth completed Aric. These two were the yin-yang of evil. The spiteful, fiery, rebellious part, and the calmer, colder, tamer part. Evil nonetheless but still, there is a very clear contrast between why these two are evil. It's a spectrum at this point.
Aric missed Japeth because Japeth was secure, Japeth was Aric's safe space. Japeth was the only other soul in this world Aric could share his dark thoughts and desires with, without being judged. Humans are still social animals even if some prefer solidarity, even our beloved introverts feel the need for a pet or some sort of emotional connection. Aric needed that connection. His status of power made it to be out of reach from others. His power build on terror and fear. He wouldn't trust those who loath him most to share his most intimate thoughts with.
Aric effectively isolated himself with his title, just as Rafal had. Aric needed someone wicked enough to understand him yet loyal enough to not choose their selfish reasons over his. Rafal had Sophie for that, however, he underestimated Sophie's external factors, the need for validation from a familiar person(Agatha/Tedros). For Aric though, this would have worked perfectly for Japeth. Japeth had no external factors to care for, not Rhian, not Evelyn, or anybody else. Japeth and Aric were only with each other. No other boys or girls between them. No other friendships or relationships. The only one who could have those was Aric and he effectively couldn't have them. Aric and Japeth wouldn't have been as deadly of a duo as people think. Yes if we take them from a standpoint of view in power and personality sure, but that's where they come and neutralise each other. While I believe that Aric most certainly expressed his feelings of wanting to kill Lady Lesso without hesitation and wanting to hurt Rhian for getting into his friendship with Japeth, he had no other specific targets. Sure Aric killed a dog, terrified a whole family and had an attempt on their lives, but you don't expect a rescue animal, abused, abandoned or traumatised to trust anyone right away. That unfortunate family wasn't the one Aric needed to cool down and recover from the essential meltdown he had for being abandoned and struggling severely in a highly dangerous forest with not just animals to worry about but magical/fantastic creatures who were ten times more deadly and could appear there as well. The Albert House was Aric's anchoring point back to reality and sanity but he had no one to coordinate his evil thoughts constructively like Lady Lesso does with her students because the Albert House works to OPPRESS these tendencies and that didn't sit with Aric's rebellious behaviour. If Aric wouldn't influence Japeth I believe his evilness could have been oppressed to an acceptable extent. Instead, we got the mastermind and his loyal henchmen. While Aric most certainly viewed Japeth as an equal and a person he desired to be around because he could feel human and natural around with, he didn't need him the way Japeth did because Aric experienced genuine unconditional love before Japeth, making him able to depict certain patterns and behaviours unconsciously.
Were Aric and Japeth friends? Yes. If these two weren't bothered would have half of the series happened? No. Were Aric and Japeth lovers? Not really. Did Aric love Japeth? Sure. Did Aric love Japeth? No. Did Japeth love Aric? Yes. Did Japeth love Aric? Yes. Did Aric see Japeth the way Japeth saw him? Not. Did Aric see him as an equal and or counterpart? Yes.
These two were most certainly each other's safe space, however, they viewed one another entirely differently.
Take this as you will.
#school for good and evil#sge#japeth mistral#rafal japeth sader mistral#japeth of foxwood#aric of bloodbrook#aric lesso
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On Sanemi and Giyuu: A Journey of Misunderstandings
Sanemi and Giyuu have possibly one of the most misunderstood dynamics in fandom that I've ever personally seen. And to truly understand their relationship, I want to briefly talk about Giyuu and how his past affects his relationship with the other Hashira.
Let's start with Giyuu.
The Hashira that was never meant to be. Giyuu's life is one built on sacrifice and regret. First with the loss of his sister, Tsutako, after she sacrificed herself to save him. He falls into a depression and feels that he should have been the one to die instead when his sister, who was set to be married in one day, had so much "more" to live for.
Sabito then delivers the infamous slap. The shock and pain of life help to pull him back into the moment when Sabito tells him not to waste his sister's sacrifice, that she knew exactly what she was giving up when she hid him.
And he manages to get through to Giyuu for a while. Until Final Selection, when Sabito tragically gives up his life to save Giyuu and everyone else taking part in Final Selection that year.
From there, Giyuu spirals, forgetting the lesson Sabito taught him on mount Sagiri. He devotes himself to his training and quickly ascends the ranks, but believes himself unworthy of the status of Hashira because of what was sacrificed to get him there.
As a result, he isolates himself from companionship. In the light novel, Ubuyashiki says this about Giyuu: "But Tomioka has deliberately cornered himself. He looks backward because that's what he wants." The guidebook says, "The Water Hashira keeps a distance from the other Hashira and the rest of the corps."
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As I mentioned in my post on Sanemi's pack-centric nature, it's not right to even call Giyuu a lone wolf at this point in the story because he does not want companionship.
Giyuu, like many characters, is trapped in the past and self-destructing via isolation.
That's not to say he doesn't subconsciously want it. Humans are social animals who crave contact on our most basic levels; of course there is always going to be some part of Giyuu that wants human contact. This subconscious desire for human contact can be seen in the way he views the other Hashira.
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The first thing I notice is that he rates the Hashira based on how much they talk to him. If they don't talk to him, he doesn't speak with them.
I mean, just look at that piddly openness score! Sanemi has twice the level of openness and the light novel outright calls him "unsociable." Muichirou, who is described (and this is a direct quote from page 140 of OWB) as "basically an empty puppet" has an openness score of 40%.
And I'd like to emphasize that it is very much not just Sanemi that has complaints about Giyuu's behavior.
His isolation affects not just his social life but his job as well with Uzui saying in the light novels: "We're finally cutting loose the uncooperative Water Hashira?"
Even Rengoku chips in, saying "we have to stand tall and tell him our complaints," just a few sentences later.
During the Hashira meeting at the beginning of the training arc, Amane asks them on behalf of Ubuyashiki to unlock the marks for the sake of defeating Muzan, but, Giyuu, resigned that he would never earn a mark and does not deserve to stand with the Hashira, leaves the meeting.
It's easy to forget that we, as the viewer, have all the context and that other characters don't. To the other Hashira, this comes across as Giyuu actively shirking his duty as a Hashira.
Sanemi stops Giyuu, stating that he can't leave until they "decide what our respective roles will be!"
To which Giyuu responds "It has nothing to do with me."
Shinobu outright asks Giyuu to explain himself to which he simply says "I'm not like the rest of you."
As the viewer, we know he means that he is not on par with the others, but to characters like Sanemi, who has spent his life in poverty and thus, looked down upon, this sounds all to familiar.
Sanemi even outright says: "I don't like the sound of that. You said the same thing before, didn't you, Tomioka? You're looking down on us?"
Giving him a very clear chance to explain himself.
However, Giyuu just turns his head and walks away, leaving Sanemi with that assumption.
This is without going into, how, during the very same meeting, Giyuu calls Sanemi a "simpleton," completely unprompted.
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As much as I love Giyuu, he doesn't make a very good case for himself in the eyes of the other Hashira.
So, what changes? How does Giyuu go from actively avoiding contact to this:
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Well...
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Simply put... his relationship with Tanjirou.
His brotherly bond with Tanjirou is one of the most beautiful storylines in Demon Slayer and I could make a whole post devoted to them if I had the time. But to put it shortly, Tanjirou helps Giyuu learn to open himself up to companionship again. Suddenly, we see a shift in Giyuu. And the light novels make a very heavy distinction between the way Giyuu was acting before Tanjirou's influence and after: "The way Tomioka was now, Tanjirou was sure he'd be able to be friends with everyone."
Unfortunately for Tomioka... he has a hard time convincing Sanemi that he isn't making fun of him and that he want's to be friends.
His face in the light novel is described as: "his face seemed like he was making fun of anyone who spoke to him."
Aka he's got a major case of RBF and a very flat tone with very little intonation. Which means that when Giyuu tries to reach out to Sanemi through ohagi (a treat typically enjoyed by children!), between his face, voice, and previous history of insulting Sanemi, it seems only logical (to Sanemi, the audience knows different) that Giyuu is making fun of him once again.
I've already discussed in length how Sanemi is a pack-centered person (here) and how it also affects how it sees Giyuu. How his loner archetype is the antithesis of what the mighty wolf stands for.
So how does Sanemi go from thinking that Giyuu is a self-centered asshole to smiling at him like this?
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By finally, finally, in the end, proving himself as part of the pack and a team player.
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Finally, on the battlefield, they are equals and Sanemi sees Giyuu for his true self; willing to sacrifice everything for the good of humanity and for his family.
As for Sanemi's huge shift in attitude in general at the end, well, that's a different post.
Regardless, Sanemi and Giyuu's relationship is one fraught with misunderstanding and is a prime example of how someone's mental state can clash with someone else's. You never know what someone else is going through. For Sanemi, he fundamentally doesn't understand that it is Giyuu's guilt and desire to not see anyone else lose their life in his name that drives him to isolate while Giyuu can't see that his isolation comes across as arrogance to someone who has spent their whole life in a position of being considered "lower."
All in all, they have an incredibly interesting dynamic that I think is taken for granted.
#ramblies#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#kny analysis#kny sanemi#sanemi shinazugawa#giyuu tomioka#kny giyuu#demon slayer giyuu#kimetsu giyuu#kny#kny tomioka#demon slayer tomioka#kny meta
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