#british blonde men going on a soul searching redemption arc and falling for the one person they were never supposed to

[mydogatemymotivation]

Ok I wanna talk about the Zeb of Kalluzeb cuz sometimes I feel like he gets a little overlooked, but I have thoughts. A lot of people, when they're talking about Kalluzeb, talk about how Zeb can see the light in Kallus that he can't really see in himself all the time, and that's true, of course. But the extent of the discourse around Zeb is about Lasan, and I'm not trying to dismiss that or anything, but there's more to it than that. I think Zeb, the people around him, and the fandom, honestly, have this idea of Zeb that boils down to "good for a laugh, good for a drink, good for a game of sabacc, and good in a fight" and that makes a lot of interpretations of Zeb a little one dimensional.

But think of him this way: he was the Captain of the High Honor Guard on Lasan and he's a Rebellion Captain, and part of an ancient Lasat prophecy. These are all very noble, very honorable things. So how bizarre was it for him, then, to resonate with Kallus. If Zeb can see the light in Kallus then I think it stands to reason that Kallus can see the darkness in Zeb. And I think it would be so much more interesting to see Zeb react to that, because that shakes the foundation of who he thought he was. He sees himself as the white knight character, proud and honorable. So why does he like the fight so much? Why does he find kinship with a man soaked in so much blood? To see this happy guy who's always down for drinks and cards be so enamored with someone from Imperial High Command, I think it would rattle a lot of people, including Zeb.

I think Zeb hides a lot underneath his jovial nature, even from himself, and to have Kallus hold up a mirror to all the parts of himself that Zeb tries to hide would make him feel so exposed. Idk how many of you have watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I was thinking about Spike and Buffy (I have a point, I promise, stay with me) and this is very much their dynamic. Buffy, who tries to convince herself that she's 'just a girl' and that she doesn't like being the slayer, likes Spike because he holds up a mirror to all the darker parts of herself. She likes that he's dangerous, she likes that she can be herself, she likes how rough he is, she likes that Spike can see all of that and that he still loves her despite those things, or even because of those things. And I love that dynamic, and I see some of Kallus and Zeb in it. Zeb likes that Kallus is dangerous, he likes the thrill that comes with loving him, he likes that Kallus resonates with darker parts of himself, and that's scary for him.

Kallus gives Zeb an outlet for his anger that can go toe-to-toe with him, he likes that he understands the pain of wanting vengeance and the pain of what happened on Lasan. It feels like, sometimes, the rest of the Ghost crew doesn't quite know what to do with Zeb (and this is no hate to them, I love them, it just bothers me), no one knows how to help him through the anger he has, no one knows how to talk to him about Lasan and he ends ups so alone, even with his family, because how could they understand that kind of darkness. But Kallus does because he was there. (And I don’t mean any disrespect to what Kanan went through, but he had Ahsoka for a long time. And he has Ezra who he can pass the teaching of the Jedi onto. He still has Jedi temples he can go to; we never see Zeb go back to Lasan. He’s also surrounded by other humans, but Zeb’s species itself was under attack. No one else in the rebellion is even breathing air the same way Zeb is. It’s incredibly isolating.)

I keep imagining the two of them in a fight, on the same side finally, and Kallus, being basically a living weapon, is covered in someone's blood and Zeb's first thought is, wow, red really is his color, followed immediately by OH MY GOD WHO SAID THAT. WHO SAID IT. NOT ME. …then again… the way his manic smile reflects off his blood-soaked knife is really - mmmmmnope. Nope,nope,nope not doing that. Not doing it. No thank you. He sees exactly what Kallus is and is incredibly into it. And that would be so distressing for him because he sees himself as this kind, noble person, and he is, but he doesn't want to deal with what it means to love Kallus. And everyone around him sees him as a kind, noble person, so when he starts having feelings for Kallus, he gets pulled to the side by a few who say, "hey, are you okay?" not in a comedic way, but in a genuine, this isn't who you told us you were, what's going on? And Zeb doesn't have any answers because this isn't who he convinced himself he was, either. Everyone put Zeb on this pedestal, but Kallus grounded him, and it’s like everyone is finally seeing this guy at eye level instead of at a distance and Zeb just has to stand there and take it.

Even in Buffy, though, it takes her a long time to accept her feelings for Spike because of how scared she is of herself. When she finally admits to Tara that she and Spike are having an affair, she fully breaks down. Like, she's on her knees sobbing, begging Tara not to forgive her for what she's doing because she wants to be punished by someone, anyone for the way she is, but Tara does forgive her, and she just cries harder. And that kind of shell-shocked, I'm actually as dark as he is, and I don't like that he saw it before I did kind of angst is what I'm talking about.

It's not just Lasan that they have in common. Zeb doesn't just balance Kallus, Kallus has to balance Zeb, too. And that realization that the sunshine character is not the sun at high noon, bright and unobstructed, but rather, the sun at twilight, tinged with darkness and teetering on the edge of falling is so good and there's not nearly enough of it with these two. I mean. Listen. People talk about Kallus' poor mental health but that scene in the finale with the shield generator. That wasn't ~noble sacrifice~, that was an attempt and no one talks about it. I mean, he just lost another member of his family and immediately tried to sacrifice himself. He needs to address his own darkness and work through it because he's not doing any better than Kallus.

Zeb sees the light in Kallus and Kallus sees the darkness in Zeb. They need each other.