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#I just wanted to express my sadness a little bit
polarisjisung · 3 days
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LOVE ON THE COURT | 20 ... WITH BENEFITS??
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SYNOPSIS | every college student has their struggles, but raising her younger brother has Y/N top of the list, struggling her way through college whilst balancing her academics and basketball captaincy is difficult no doubt and with Jaemin, her ex best friend and captain of the guys basketball team, and his growing one sided hatred towards her, it doesn't seem to be getting any easier
WARNINGS | swearing, sexual innuendos, kys/kms jokes, y/n has daddy issues for the sake of the plot
NOTES | I have no idea why this update took me so long to post I'm so sorry 😭 I don't like making chapters like this too sad (don't worry there's still gonna be some angsty chapters) but I don't want the written stuff on its own bcs that feels too espresso depresso or wtv the phrase is so this is a bit of a longer chap than usual.. anyways if ever you feel bad for y/n, don't worry you're gonna feel worse
19:21, dinner the night before
Y/n shuffles in her seat.
Jaemin greets her with a smile, and though she offers one back, that sinking feeling in her stomach doesn't seem to settle.
Suddenly now that she finds herself face to face with her once best friend, no menus in hand since they'd already given their orders, no way to avoid conversation for just a couple seconds longer, Y/n finds herself at a loss for words.
What was anyone supposed to say in this situation?
Sure a thank you would be ideal, considering Jaemin had somehow managed the impossible, but the words escaped her. Like they rested at the tip of her tongue but she lacked the drive to speak them.
It's not that y/n wasn't grateful, no, she wouldn't be here if she wasn't, in fact she didn't know what it was, what confused her so deeply that she sat there silently. Her thumbs twiddling against one another, as she stared down at the table in front of her.
There was a nagging whisper in her mind, one that cast shadows over her once clear thoughts, leaving her in that haze of uncertainty that she recognised all too well. Recently it was all she could feel around the captain.
Something about this situation in particular makes her palms sweaty and the hairs stand on her neck, every glance at Jaemin feeling like a shadow of what had once been, a reminder of how it had all been lost.
Even just sitting opposite Jaemin isn't simple.
Not at all.
It's like sitting across from a mirror that once reflected shared laughter and secrets, now distorted by fractures of lost trust and unspoken words. She supposed that was the thing about mirrors and shattering. No matter how hard you tried to glue the pieces back together, it would never quite be the same.
Perhaps that's why y/n is lousy in her attempts, grateful to Jaemin but unbothered to express it. The thought that no matter how desperately she hoped, this couldn't be restored. That there was no point in pouring energy into a friendship that would never be resolved.
"So" it's undoubtedly jaemin who breaks the silence, a soft tone to his voice, not quite as gentle as the other night but still warm "are you feeling better? like really okay?"
For a moment she wonders whether she'll break at the sound of his voice like she always had. Would she go back to that point in life where it was so easy to lie, so easy to say she was okay, so easy to pretend, in front of everyone else but never in front of him.
"I'm fine, honestly." She lies.
There's a shy sheepish smile that creeps across her lips and slightly accents her words
Jaemin hasn't seen much of her positivity be directed his way, and seeing this ignites the little hope in him that they could move on from this, from everything.
"You didn't have to work on it without me you know, it was just as much my project as it was yours and you putting in all the effort isn't fair on you."
"You did most of the preliminary stuff anyways, and I really didn't want to ask you because of the other night" Jaemin finally admits, though not willingly, his words extracted more so by her sharp stare and the cold atmosphere.
"Right..." Her attempts at changing the subject, clearly in vain— he really needed to stop asking about the other night. Y/n wasn't sure how much h longer she could hold back the tears, the looming feeling of inadequacy as a guardian still strong. She should have been more careful.
She knows its her turn to speak, opening her mouth to do so.
But again, y/n struggles.
The words play hide and seek in her mind, leaving her to grasp at empty. The atmosphere grows heavy with the weight of unspoken words. Her mind races, a jumble of what to say, thoughts of how easy conversation once was, how effortless it had been, all such a stark contrast to now.
Jaemin watches, a mix of intrigue and concern in his eyes as she contemplates in front of him, quiet but with an expression that spoke volumes.
The silence between them seems to bite louder than any conversation they once held, each dish in front, a reminder of the bitter aftertaste of a friendship turned cold.
"It's just Minjun and I" she breathes out, voice shaky, and Jaemin realises that those nervous cues in her slumped posture and shaking hands had never changed "It's just been the two of us for a while" she whispered. "That's why I was so scared"
Jaemin's hand hovers uncertainly beneath the table, unsure if the gesture would be welcomed or misunderstood, caught in the delicate balance of care and concern.
Admittedly, Jaemin catches himself slightly intrigued, still confused what could have lead to her practically perfectly family turning into this.
But he knows better than to let his curiosity get the best of him.
He wants to stop her, tell her that whatever it is that causes her brows to knit together and her pretty eyes to gloss over isn't something she needs to force herself to talk about, but he doesn't know how.
For a moment he's kicking himself under the table— how had he ever let go of the person who meant so much to him?
Even now, knowing everything she had done, he couldnt help but question why hadn't he tried to get past it then?
At the sight of her downcast features suddenly everything that he once despised her for seemed so trivial.
Jaemin sees himself, a younger, less mature version that stands on the court, hair matted to his forehead from the rain, a ball long forgotten somewhere behind him, cold, betrayed, and so painfully alone. Those burning tear stained cheeks, the harsh whistles of wind, the bitter feeling of failure still clinging to his skin, he remembers it all.
But every feeling he recalls so well, so vividly, is so easily dismissed when her eyes shine with a painful tint, red from the piercing tears that she holds in them.
"My dad" she cuts him off, gaze now avoidant as he grabbed her cold hands in his, "he walked out on us not long after ...whatever hapenned between you and me. He never came back, didn't answer a single call, not even a text, no form of communication except the papers he sent in the mail so I could become Junnie's legal guardian."
I missed you, she wanted to say. I needed you she'd liked to add.
"That's why it's just the two of us now" she said instead, trying to find more words to stop the tears from flowing, like her words were the only thing that could hold them back.
Back then, Y/n remembers vividly the feeling of wanting to fall, to sink, to drown but still somehow keeping her head above the surface to hold on and stay strong for her younger brother. She wondered if Jaemin had been there, would it have been easier? Would she have let herself fall, would she have someone to give her a hand, to pick her back up again and hold her hand through it all? Would things have ended differently?
"I'm sorry" his words weren't new, they weren't special, they were the same as what everybody else would say but the fact that they came from him, Na Jaemin who now stood by her side with his arms wrapped around her, was enough to dissolve the feeling of emptiness.
08:25 present time
Y/n looks over at Minjun, still deep in slumber, smiling before she steps out of the room.
There's way too many toys sprawled out across the living room floor, a blanket she finds herself folding as she subconsciously begins to clean up. Her eyes land on the kitchen counter, wondering what to make for breakfast. She was never particularly good at cooking, but she'd been learning for her brothers sake.
When she gets to the black jacket resting over the couch, it hits her. She catches sight of her puffy eyes in the mirror, and a hand runs through her hair hurriedly.
"Why the fuck did I tell him all of that" she let's out a frustrated sigh, running her hands across her face, "I'm supposed to hate him" she reminds herself, though her tone isn't convincing in the slightest.
"You don't hate him though" Heeseung's voice comes out muffled, the toothbrush between his lips making it difficult to understand his words.
He had been the one to stay over last night, her friends still taking turns to accompany Minjun and her every night since he'd walked out of the apartment, a gesture that made her heart swell. Although up until now she was pretty certain he was still asleep. Clearly not.
"I can't hate him" she sighs, falling back into the couch "is it bad I want to be friends with him again?" she asks, even though Heeseung had retreated to the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth.
Regardless he pokes his head out into the hallway, a sly smirk across his lips "with benefits?"
Y/n rolls her eyes.
He emerges again not long after, smiling from ear to ear "no y/n it's not bad if you want to be friends again" he takes a seat beside her "you can only fight your feelings for so long, let yourself be vulnerable, take the risk and try again" he says, hands resting on both his knees.
"and if you're feeling really risky, you can always—"
"shut up Heeseung" she smiles, lightly pushing against his arm "I guess it is worth a shot though"
"he's right next door anyways so sneaking around won't be hard at all"
"I meant being friends. Just friends." she stands up, walking over to the kitchen "you down for pancakes?"
He nods.
"You know it could be good though, he's hot, you're hot, there's enough tension to make things interesting and it ticks your not ready for a relationship box pretty well too"
Despite the pointed look the captain offers him, Heeseung doesn't let up, and secretly, she wouldn't have it any other way.
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indigos-stardust · 2 days
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Violet, Blue, And Bruised All Over: Long Talks
Part 1/ Part 2/ Part 3/ Part 4/ Part 5/ Part 6
Note: this has been in my draft for at least 2 weeks, hit a slump and then a hyperfixation couldn't write lol. so this is alot shorter and the drawings wont make as much sense without part like?? 6.5???... but I just wanted to post it cuz I felt bad
Reblogs and comments appreciated <3 I wanna hear y'all's thoughts >:3c
Red and Blue: a deep conversation filled with compassion and vulnerability:
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Meanwhile Vio and Green:
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(sorry I haven't updated this in a while, real life calls :')
The following days were hell. Red knew how much fights shredded his heart into a bajillion tiny pieces, but really the forced normalcy was so much worse!
The two had gotten an even bigger longer (and honestly ranty) lecture from Green the next day. Red didn't think it really helped much. Like sure they were cowed into NOT biting each other or whatever, but c'mon!
It felt like everyone was mad at everyone else! And even though technically no one was really mad at him, they were all mad at each other which- considering they were all sorta kinda not really the same person? It still felt that way!
Green had gotten really bossy and super serious, and Blue and Vio were just avoiding each other like the plague! Whenever they did come into "an unfortunate proximity" as Vio put it, there wasn't anything but a ton of silent hate! Red really just wanted to curl up into a little hole and die. Well not really! But like, emotionally! Just a bit!
Green kept pushing them to talk about the details, but neither one would talk. Red decided to try asking them one on one, you know, use his charm a bit and soften the edges- But even when he cried it didn't work! Him crying always worked! Especially when he said just the right words in just the right way to softly push them into making a realization.
Red wouldn't really call himself a manipulator in that sense, because hey! He was using his powers for good, right? At least most of the time, anyways. It was a useful way to get out of trouble and get things he wanted...
By why couldn't it work now when he needed it most!!
Vio just treated him like how a parent would to their kid when the kid just, well, asked about death or some hard grownup topic. Like Red just simply wouldn't understand and not to worry about it- But he was worrying! He knew Vio just didn't want him to be sad but still...
Then Blue- Well, Blue was just sad. And a little p*ssed. But it was clear he was just mostly sad. At least when he talked to Red anyways. At first he had been all huffy and insisted that it was all so stupid, so why even bring it up anyways? Because it was "over already!" Which, no that was super stupid of Blue to think, because obviously all their relationships were like super mega sad???
When Red expressed that sentiment though, it seemed to change something in Blue. Blue just closed up and got all quiet. He hated when Blue did that. But it also meant his plan was working. Blue may be a little, uhm, explosive to people and things when he got upset- But really if he was like actually really seriously upset? Then he got all quiet and intense all by himself. But Red knew how to pry all those layers off, even if it was just melting his way though each one of Blue's icy walls, one at a time.
Not even a day later of the guilt obviously devouring Blue inside out, and clearly losing against his ego. (Red knew that's what happened, he probably didn't want to be the "first one to show weakness" and just talk about how his feelings were hurt and acted like he was just all angry and didn't care, but Blue was a big softie and no amount of pouting was gonna change that in Red's eyes.)
They'd been walking to the training yards extremely early in the morning, the sun had barely peeked over the horizon really. In Red's opinion, going all the way to the castle to train in the big professional courtyard before the birds even woke up was probably some sort of crime against humanity. And him. But Red was so close to getting Blue to spill! SO he had to stick with Blue the whole time to make sure his plan would work. He just had to be consistent! Even if... it was at like... Red blearily squinted against the horizon. Five AM? Uegh.
Green was right about those too being similar. But it wasn't just cuz they were so stubborn. More like they were both weirdos that had a vendetta against sleep. Seriously, would it kill Blue to sleep in for five more minutes...
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shatcey · 1 day
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Zero distance (Ellis BE)
Ellis (BE) Harrison (BE)
This is the second time this event has been held. I found here a translation of the first two chapters, a premium ending, and even an epilogue. But keep in mind that both the PE and the epilogue are NSFW.
The bitter ending on the other hand is very sweet and funny.
But before I start, I just can't help but mention this Ally's remark.
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My very free interpretation of his words. He often belittles himself by covering it with sarcasm, and in my opinion, it sounds exactly like he would say. The meaning is the same, but I gave it a more extreme shade.
Bitter ending
Ellis asked Vivi to leave them for a bit while they were still connected (am I the only one ashamed to say this?). Vivi smiles sweetly and asks them to call him when they are ready.
Left alone, Ellis told Kate what he has a present for her. And give a red ribbon.
Kate remembered that at the time when she was choosing a dress for this mission, she was looking at this ribbon.
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But when it came time to choose a hair accessory, she decided that it was to plain for the noble's daughter so she chose another one. Even if she didn't say it out loud, Ellis noticed it anyway. Well… it's Ellis, he looking at you 24/7.
Ellis told her if she wanted to be connected to him… He doesn't mind.
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(coughing)… I'm sorry… I just remembered the epilogue…
But Kate thinks he doesn't consider her a special person, he's kind to everyone. And it makes her a little sad. Ellis adds...
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Oh… those beautiful eyes and sad expression… No, no, no, no! I won't fall for him again, I won't!
After a few days, on the mission, they were surrounded by criminals (as I understand it). Ellis noticed her nervousness and calmed her down
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You know, it's really reassuring, I'm not even kidding.
The criminals handcuffed them and forced them to sit on the floor. Ellis and Kate laugh at the fact that they are connected again.
Jude appears...
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Indeed, this is the only problem of this place.
Of course, Jude had to comment on this...
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My translator stubbornly told me "Kate is in heat." I've been laughing on that so hard. Yes, she is a cat/dog, and in constant heat.
I didn't figure out what happened to the bandits, whether Jude alone took care of them, or the other Crown members came to the rescue, but the moment Kate got up from the floor
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I literally almost cried at that moment. I really like this concept… For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about. I really doubt there's anyone here who doesn't know, but to be sure… There is a theory that people who are destined to be together are connected by a red thread (of fate).
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🔝 Start page 🔝
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yujeong · 22 days
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Somehow, I now have 200 followers. I didn't expect this to make me emotional, but it does. Thank you to every single person who follows me. It means a lot ❤️
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jils-things · 6 months
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to love someone is to heal someone
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sysig · 3 months
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Wake up somewhere better, maybe (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#Harvey Dent#ZEX#Blood#Ask to tag#Stepping back even further - I'm sure you can understand needing a little extra time on this#For multiple reasons haha#It took such a while to finish the first one and not just on an editing front! Honestly that didn't take very long at all haha#There's a frame somewhere that's bothering me - I ''animated'' that movement frame-by-frame myself so if it's a bit strange it's my eye#At least it's mostly like what I wanted! Mostly like what I saw in my head! The three overlapping and then drawing back to show the depth#It really was such a strong mental image for me - it's amazing how simultaneous things can be despite being described separately#The dog - Harvey - ZEX - all moving at their own pace! A split second can be so expanded like a slow-mo shot ah#It's honestly a very beautiful medium#Hhhh ZEX's death was very affecting to me ;; I so very much wanted him to go out the way he wanted to#Befitting his Admiral status - strong and confident and surrounded by his crew#But by that point he was so tired and ready to rest - it would have been sadder to watch him continue to barely scrape by#Not even killed by his Beauty! Just one good chomp from one big sick dog :'0#The others trying to protect him - they didn't know him just out of whatever empathy they had for their fellow!#Zero was a hero so that kind of character is easy enough haha but even Harvey! Even after ZEX made him uncomfortable with his long looks lol#He was still willing to help in whatever way he was able ;; And it still ended the same#His last word being just ''pain'' hhhwehhh ;;#It is always the saddest-saddest to me to have such an articulate and eloquent witty verbose and silly character reduced to singulars#Something so simple and still so expressive hh </3 ZEX dearest hweh#But loving also means letting go! Death was a release he needed even if it's sad#I'm a real sucker for Meet Me In The Afterlife kind of stories so I may or may not have batted that around as an idea down the line#He has plenty of loved ones that have seen the other side - even from the Institute specifically!!#It's not exactly a happy ending but it's something <3
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meringuejellyfish · 4 months
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ohohoh
#its Fun to be in the state of "just thinking not talking'' living in your own head. this way of going about your day to day has been#troubling me a lot lately (despite being this way for a very long time) as of now im thinking of it in relation to Having interests. but it#just a deeply nestled general being a person thing aswell. its very much not good lol.#not afraid of being perceived rather harboring a deep sadness about not being 'fully' percieved. not presenting 'everything' its so strange#the barrier that exists for no reason other than ''i dont talk/cant talk''#it should be simple and natural to simply say what youre thinking and take opportunity to discuss#like ouhhh man. people can only know you so much if you dont give them anything to work with In a sense#and well its just upsetting. want to talk converse discuss be open natural expressive and all around known#and oh it all feels so silly when its not a specific thing. not a grand secret youve kept. just a general ''i dont know know how to get to#the point of expressing myself fully''#hmhmhm ! hmhmhmh ! hmhm#lucky to be in a space of kind pleasant passionate people who all do their things and talk of their doings and life#its my future ............. and i can hold it in the palm of my hand ! its a me thing ifve gotta continue with trying every day to say a#little more. actually partake a bit in a discussion. like my things and live my life as a person with many facets#i can do things ohhhhhuhhhh its haurd. i can do things and say things and think things
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tanicus-caesareth · 5 months
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guarana drama, damage control
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dimiclaudeblaigan · 6 months
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If there is at least one thing I can credit FE for doing better than Tales in localization, it's not trying to actively go out of their way for an entire game to avoid subtext or direct text between two men that is romantic or implied romantic. Funny when it's so present that the attempt doesn't even work; infuriating that it was attempted to begin with.
So as much as I often have issues with some of FE's localizations, at least they have a leg up on loc Tales for that.
#DCB Comments#imagine changing entire sentences and vocal tones just to try to avoid it#if anything I'd say at least in FE the locs just... keep what's there like#they could've toned Soren and Houses Yuri down and they didn't. they just kept their lines or in some cases#especially with Houses Yuri I'd say leaned into them#have to specify bc Houses Yuri got to keep his bi agenda. Vesperia Yuri had the unfortunate issue of#the loc not wanting to keep his gay and trying reeeeally hard to avoid it#including altering entire sentences to avoid any woe is them misunderstandings about men having feelings for each other#meanwhile Houses Yuri is free to call men cute and lo and behold everyone loved that for him#they removed and altered a LOT of Vesperia Yuri's personality traits#(including any ability to express real sadness or fear bc woe is them if he's not a cool edgy man)#but they also really changed his tone toward Flynn PLUS some of what they say to each other#and twisted it to make it sound like Yuri was either angry or wasn't actually emotional abt him#forget the way they brought Grant George in for the DE release and made him sound just completely DEAD with zero personality#like. I can tolerate playing Houses dubbed despite my gripes with it (story based stuff)#it didn't feel like they were trying to alter LBGT+ aspects and they even for some rly leaned into it#basically if you haven't played Vesperia Yuri is... really gay coded. the loc pretended not to notice#in fact he's queer + gay coded bc and doesn't fit male gender norms and the gacha games LOVE that with his hair/outfits#Rays mind you is JP only bc it was shut down very quickly in the west and Vesp Yuri's story in Rays is uh#basically it centers around Flynn he loses his shit to protect Flynn and they do the usual like#don't-admit-it's-gay-outright in fictional media by using the ''Yuri's important person'' shtick#but he activates a special power in the middle of utterly raging to get Flynn back from their enemies#funny thing? that game never made it to that arc. I was told in about five months the western ver would've gotten that#but in some way I'm glad it didn't bc who knows how they would've tried to spin that#It's BAFFLING to me how you can get characters in Tales like JAY but the locs shake in their boots at the idea of queer gays#but given how allergic fictional media is to admitting a male character is gay -gestures to Ike and Vesp Yuri-#I'm not surprised I'm just actually angry that the locs try to censor homosexual relationships as much as possible even when they barely ca#if anyone does know Vesp Yuri and is confused on why I'm calling him gay coded despite what the dub did with Judith feel free to ask#bc I do ship them a little bit myself! but I just recognize that canon wise I really can't see him as anything but gay-demiromantic#but again at least FE locs don't shake in their boots anymore abt same sex pairs including men (side eyes Lucius/Raven)
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kneworder · 20 days
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some of you guys weren't raised on heroes (2005) and it shows
#you're gonna denounce the show forever just because it started to suck???? me age 11 (biggest heroes stan alive) could never#it's making me so sad to see so many people who were so active in the tua fandom decide to leave it completely#idk there's a place in almost all my favorite shows i can point to where it all went wrong#(heroes s2. chuck s4. stranger things s3. supernatural s6 but the final death knell was s9 idk that one's complicated.)#(malcolm in the middle kind of sucked after s4. teen wolf went downhill after s3.)#(the witcher and twd had such consistently mid seasons i stopped watching. only the first season of the flash was worth it.)#doesn't mean i was any less obsessed with them or that i don't still look back on them fondly#why should i leave tua in the dust just bc i can add 'tua s3' to that list? hell it's already been on there for two years#like the obsession isn't nearly as strong as before but i still look back on the show and my experience with it fondly!#i know i keep saying it but i cannot begin to fully express how deep i was in with tua and how much of an impact it had on me#no one is obligated to stay or pretend to be happy but like yeah it makes me sad to see people turn their backs on it#we had so much fun for a while! that's what i want to keep celebrating and keep alive even if it's in a background casual way#the parts that we all loved and came together over were great!#i know there's not much of a reason to come back together again or to feel inspired#but like. it's one thing to be upset and uninspired. it kind of feels like another to decide to leave the fandom forever :(#no disrespect to anyone bc i do understand wanting to wash your hands of the whole thing. i just wish it didn't go down like this :(#anyways. i love you guys and i miss being a five stan when it was easy a little bit rn <3
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toastsnaffler · 2 months
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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orcelito · 2 months
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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run-down-that-dream · 8 months
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#so. funny story bc I want to be a little melodramatic right now and I've earned it#this became one of my favorite songs back in 2018 ? maybe 2019 ? and it has been since#tom was not even a thought in my mind at that point in my life#when I found it. I had no idea#I loved stevie. she led me to tom. but not YET#but there's THIS. mike was right there this whole time akdhjsjs#and sometimes I wonder if we're kinda. Meant to find these people. our favorite people y'know#I didn't get that it was him back then but I figured it out through tom eventually. and you know what?#I couldn't be more grateful#I literally cannot express how grateful I am that I found him lol#so when I'm in the tags like aaaa I love him. and being totally annoying about it. (don't sugarcoat I know I am) it's REAL.#his music has been there for me and is more reliable than anyone I've ever actually met and I love it#and I'm just now realizing how much more his music has been there for me without me even realizing it at the time#ANYWAY. he's also possibly one of the most talented people ever in the world and no I don't take criticism on that#and it makes me sad sometimes that I don't really have a lot of people anymore to share that with#seems like once I stopped posting about tom all the time my blog kinda. died#so. I've been getting a little bit frustrated about it being the tom show around here#and I'm sorry if that ever came across or made anyone uncomfortable. not my intention at all#I just took it all a little too personally when I shouldn't have#kind of an.. isolating experience tho#aaand I don't remember where else I was going with that but enjoy the song akjshdjs#it's really good 💞 proud of my favorite guy#(as always 🙈)#did I mention most talented ever?#ok shhh I'm done
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medicinemane · 1 month
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Anyway, hope you're all doing well
I just... I haven't slept and also I've got like... 2-4 days of tumblr to catch up on... mostly to make sure I don't lose anything I want to keep requeuing
In many ways I'm probably doing better than I have been in a long time... maybe ever, but... I've got zero focus, I can barely watch youtube videos, I certainly can't play games... I can't get myself to clean... I don't know man
It's like... it's like my mind's empty except for some thick clear goopy sludge... it's like being over at a strange house sat alone in a big room waiting for people to come back... not wanting to touch anything so you just sit there staring and feeling out of sorts, except it's just constant in my own house in my own room... just saw Bart flop down in front of my door and realized I'm so out of it I forgot I had cats
It's like I'm living every moment in the moment, but not in a peaceful way, in a I'm untethered from reality and trying to figure out plans or how to deal with getting everything sorted out is just kinda painful kinda way
Then my mood... well... I kinda have no mood. I'm fucking numb if I'm honest. I have flavor opinions like "I'm worthless and should kill myself", but I actually don't even feel depressed right now, I feel nothing
I don't see much point to my future even if everything goes great, and I would like to kill myself, but I have zero interest in even considering it right now even though I have everything I need around if I just stand up and take a single step
So... much as it probably sounds like I'm just pure in the trash right now, I'm actually in many ways probably doing better than I ever have before... I'm just also real messed up right now at the same time
I don't feel hopeful, I never feel hopeful, but I do feel like I can maybe guide shit into a good position, it's just once again I figure that even if I do everything I want to with being able to help other people out and stuff, I'll still just kinda end up alone in a crowd
You know... funny thing is I'm thinking "the fuck is even the point I wanted to make?", and I realize... my point was actually that I'm doing pretty good and not to worry... not sure how well I'm selling it, but it's true
I hesitate to assign anything to myself, my stance on me and anything I can't conclusively say tends to be no comment... but if I were looking at someone else describing what I'm feeling in my position, I might be inclined to say burnout... months of having to be on and clean and manage everything and... all that... well it's one explanation, who knows if it's correct
Anyway though, I'm good, don't worry, know I do appreciate you all and wish I had more brain power to say more to more people... it's just maybe kinda sad that this is my version of doing good... the fuck is wrong with me if I wake up everyday feeling like I've been beaten with clubs... and for me this is kinda peak... what's that say about my baseline?
Doesn't matter, only thing to do is keep moving forward
Guess insomnia paired with not really being able to think, like words just kinda pop out with no planning... guess it makes me ramble real bad, this was supposed to be like one or two paragraphs being positive
It's a Beautiful World
#mm tag so i can find things later#to be clear; I'm referencing the Devo song; and if you know the song... that's kinda a negative thing to say#it's a beautiful world... for you... it's not for me#that's the sentiment I express when I say that; just to avoid confusion... though... confusion I can't deny is also kinda the point#I like hiding things in plain sight; I like lies of omission#...but also... is it so bad to try and let people think I'm being more positive than I am seeing as people have a problem with how I am?#makes them sad; you know?#I'm not even meaning to be negative; I'm just trying to lay out my thoughts so people don't have to read my mind#I think people will probably read this and take it as extremely negative but... it more just is#my brain feels broken right now... that's not meant as doom and gloom... just a statement of fact#people always seem to worry about me... but... they kinda... worry about the wrong stuff#...they kinda... it's like if someone was really worried cause I skinned my knee and it looked real gross but was pretty surface#and I just couldn't get them to stop focusing on that and listen to the fact I had internal bleeding and that was much worse#it's not the fact I want to kill myself that's the problem; it's not that I can often be melancholic#it's all the systemic issues going on... the isolation; the... never feeling like I succeed... that kinda thing; you know?#the money and the getting things stabilized#even if life goes perfect and I even somehow get the stuff I think is literally impossible for me to get that I want so bad#...good chance I'll still be kind of melancholic#...but would that really be so bad? if I was just a little glum when it came to me?#despite the fact that with everything that's not me I say 'lets just keep moving forward and change what we can'?#despite the fact I tend to have a very upbeat... lets not dwell on the past; lets see how we can fix the now kinda mindset?#despite the fact I think I must seem a bit stupid and bumbling in person cause I always tend to be kinda 'it is what it is'?#just because I think bad thoughts and you hear how I think on here... my actions aren't enough to outweigh that?#clean all that shit; but I dare to not like myself very much... seems like weighing the two I really am just negative or whatever; eh?#and by god always make sure to tell me to get a therapist even though I'm both working on that and also it won't fix me#if therapy fixed me I'd be fixed at like 14; it's systemic shit; like I said... therapist can just help a bit#...what I really need is for more people to turn towards me a bit more... 20% of the time even... nah I don't want to elaborate#I don't want to phrase that the more understandable way; I want everyone to... miss it... I can't stand to be seen and then ignored... agai#wish people would worry a little less about me and help a little more... mostly by just being company#can't a body fall down stairs in peace? you know?
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pearlymel · 3 months
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That boy is mine.
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୨୧ Summery: hsr men and their love languages.
୨୧ Including: Aventurine, Jing Yuan, Sunday, Veritas Ratio, Argenti.
୨୧ Warnings: none. Gn! Reader, All fluff, just the hsr men spoiling you like how you should be spoilt.
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♡︎ Aventurine— receiving gifts.
“Err, Aventurine? This is the fifth diamond bracelet this month.”
“Today is a special day.”
“You say that everyday…” you whisper to yourself in amusement while your fingers brush over the expensive material sealed around your wrist. You try not to sound disappointed because—you’re not really disappointed but rather confused or guilty for him spending so recklessly with you.
Upon seeing the guilt he knew so well etched on your face, he quickly steps closer, “It looks pretty on you, which is all the reason i need.” He teases, his hand snaking towards your lower back. “You didn’t complain about the shoes and necklace I bought you,” he shrugs with a grin plastered on his face and you shake your head in return.
“I appreciate everything you do to me, i just dislike it when a lot of money is wasted.” You gently scold him but he brushes it off with a laugh. 
“Darling, you need to stop thinking like this. Money was meant to be spent.” He playfully flickers your forehead, before gently caressing the spot with his thumb.
“How can i ever spoil you back, hmm?” He grins at your question, his thumb that was caressing your forehead moves to your chin. Holding it with a firm, yet gentle grip. “I told you, silly,” he murmurs, leaning forward to bring his face closer to yours. “All you have to do is be cute, and give me a kiss every once in a while.”
“… is that it?” Your figure almost slumps at his too simple requests. From now on, you’d try harder to shower him with all the kisses and affection.
“That’s all it takes. Your cute little reactions and your pretty face are more than enough to spoil such a simple man, like me.” He says, his hand slipping down to your waist, pulling you closer. You take ahold of his face with your hands, pulling his face to give his lips some attention, his hand tightening around your waist “will this suffice?”
“I’m a bit greedy, one more.” He whispers, and you press your lips against his again for another chaste kiss. “Again,” he says in a bit more demanding tone this time, taking over the lead and kissing you even deeper, trailing his lips along your jawline then a final kiss just below your earlobe. Your whole face burning just from simple kisses.
“I will get you anything you want, everything you desire,” he whispers against your neck, “A yacht, a penthouse, jewels, whatever you want. My only condition is you stay with me, and make those cute little noises when i spoil you.”
“Cute little noises?” You squint your eyes at him, pulling back to see him, “you mean.. my surprised expressions?”
“Exactly like that. The soft gasps, wide eyes, and adorable smile.” You grins while taking you in a crushing embrace and you only laugh back at him.
♡︎ Jing Yuan— physical touch.
You suddenly can’t breath when the general came home particularly clingy today. Big arms preventing you from escaping his hold with his lips not leaving any spot untouched on your face.
“Missed you today,” he would whisper in his thick raspy voice, hands roaming around your body with strands of his hair almost covering your face, “my pretty spouse.” His voice is muffled from his face buried in your neck.
“You’re the clingiest man i know.”
His suddenly stopped for a moment, expression darkening slightly, “you know other men?”
“Ohh, the most jealous one too.” You chuckle when he shoots you a pout, sometimes you could imagine him looking like a big sad lion.
“Not that I’m complaining.” You press a tender kiss to his forehead, and just like that, his shoulders relax and his golden eyes seem to shine just a bit brighter. “Was work harsh on you today?”
Jing Yuan let out a drawn-out sigh, "Exhausting is more like it," he replied with a tired smile. "Still need to train Yanqing later tonight per his request,"
His expression softened as he looked down to meet your gaze.
"I've been looking forward to this time with you all week." He hums, resting his head on your chest and your hand immediately finds its place on his hair. Jing Yuan smiles as he feels your delicate fingers take out the red ribbon from his long, white hair, letting it cascade down to his shoulders.
"I should call in sick tomorrow," he grins when he hears you quietly chuckle, beginning to lean on you as your fingers worked through his hair. 
“Is this the general of the luofu?” You decide to tease him a bit, his rough hands squeezing your thighs in return. “No, this is just your spouse now. All putty for you."
♡︎ Veritas Ratio— Quality time.
Ratio was sprawled on his stomach, a large book held in his hands. He was so engrossed in the content that he didn't even hear you enter the room until you jumped onto the bed.
“What are you doing?” You simply ask as you make space for yourself next to him, He turned his head to glance at you for a second before returning his attention to the page.
"Reading a book on advanced mathematics," he replied, his voice sounding a bit distracted. "What does it look like I'm doing?"
“Oh the boring stuff.”
"Boring? Excuse you. This stuff happens to be quite fascinating. Not everyone can appreciate the complexity and beauty of mathematical theory, you know."
Your brain goes short circuit at his explanation, and you shake your head instead. "You can read your amazing stuff to yourself while i... Maybe brush your hair?"
Ratio couldn't help but scoff at your suggestion. "Brush my hair, really? What, do you think I'm a doll or something?"
But secretly, the idea of you running your fingers through his hair had a certain appeal to him. He shrugged nonchalantly, feigning indifference.
"Fine, go ahead. Do with my hair whatever makes you happy, I suppose."
"Yay," you immediately grab the brush from your drawer and gesture him to lean back against your chest, and he immediately obliged. Melting back against your chest while holding his book to his lap. “I love you,” you then whisper and he only hums in return.
You huff at his silence, "I thought you were going to say something like 'oh i love you to the moon and back!' or 'i actually don't love you'." You say in a mocking tone.
Ratio chuckled again, shaking his head in mock annoyance. "Oh, so you're expecting some sappy, romantic cliché, are you? Sorry to disappoint you, darling."
He reached up and gently poked your forehead with his index finger. "I don't think I could actually say something like that with a straight face. I have standards, you know."
Then you tug his hair gently with the brush, showing your annoyance, making him gasp. "Hey, careful with the hair," he protested half-heartedly, feigning irritation. "Do you want me to go bald before I'm thirty?"
"At least you look pretty now." You hand him a mirror to show him the creation you've made on his hair. Tiny braids. 
“Aeons, what have you done to my hair?”
"I made an artwork, thank you very much."
He took another look at his reflection in the mirror, tilting his head to examine the braids in his hair from different angles.
“Artwork, you say?” he replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Looks more like a bird’s nest, if you ask me.”
You blink twice at his words, "Wait, what if birds actually lay their eggs on your hair?" His smirk vanished, replaced by a look of mock horror. "Oh gods, please don't give them ideas," he said, you both quickly start unbraiding his hair.
♡ Sunday— Acts of service.
“Is this better, love?” Sunday asks softly when he took off his coat to drape it around your shoulders instead, and you nod your head. He wouldn’t want his beloved to catch a cold now. 
Both of you decided to go on a walk in penacony as a date, just to enjoy each other’s presence for the night.
He wraps a protective hand around your waist, moving to walk on the side of the street while you were safely walking on the sidewalk.
“I wouldn’t ask for anything more.” You smile brightly under the light poles. "I’m relieved to hear that, darling." Sunday replied with a pleasant hum, giving your hips a gentle squeeze as you leaned into him for warmth. He smiled at your laugh, finding your happiness to be such a joyous sight. you had always been such an angelic being in his eyes; just the sight of your smiling and laughing was enough for his heart to flutter madly in his chest.
"careful, dont trip. watch your step."
You step to the side just in time to avoid tripping over a few rocks, giving him the sweetest smile, "Always caring for me, my love."
Sunday felt his cheeks flush ever so faintly at your smile. The soft feathers of his wings grazing his cheeks in a failed attempt to hide the redness. Your sweet personality and mannerisms tugging at the strings of his heart in an almost dizzying manner. 
"i cant possibly let my angel hurt themself on our date, now can i?"
It was your turn for your cheeks to flush at his words. Your tried turning around to avoid him seeing your face when your hand landed upon a bush of flowers.
You carefully pluck the crimson one before handing it to him, "for you,”
He took the flower from your hand and twirled it between his fingers, admiring the pretty, crimson hue. he tucked it behind his ear, the red complimenting his hair nicely.
he chuckled in amusement. “it's beautiful. how did you know red is my favourite colour?"
"Is it? Last time i gave you a blue shirt and you said it was your favourite colour." You laugh, plucking another flower to tuck it right at the fluttering wings next to his ears. 
“Hmm, everything you give me is my favorite. That’s only fair.” For some reason the way Sunday talks, makes you believe for sure that you’re definitely safe with him.
♡ Argenti— words of affirmation.
“I cannot get enough of you.” he murmured against your hair. It’s quieter than usual now with his presence, which is something you don’t hate either.
"You flatter me with your words, darling." You whisper, feeling protected around his arms, with your head resting on his chest where you could listen to his heart beat rather quicker than usual.
"And you flatter me with your presence, my love," Argenti replied, his voice a deep and velvety rumble. His hand rose to gently brush a stray strand of hair away from your face, his touch lingering on your cheek for a moment too long.
The steady rhythm of his heart seemed to pick up its pace as it thumped against his chest, a subtle giveaway of his growing excitement. "You make my heart beat faster than it should," he confessed, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.
“Your words always manages to make me fall head over heels for you.” You say dreamily, taking a few on his red end strands of hair to twirl with. He laughed softly, shifting his position so he could look down at you. He gently tilted your chin up, his thumb gently grazing your jawline.
"Where do I even begin? Your beauty is without equal, a sight so captivating it robs me of my breath every time I lay my eyes upon you," he whispered, his voice soft yet filled with affection. "Your intelligence is like a rare gem, sharper than the finest sword and just as precious. Every moment spent with you is a treasure, my love."
You shift in your place a bit to take a good look at his face, and you only see gentleness and sincerity behind it.
“I lied, my skin might burn from all this sweetness.” You admit, pressing your chin against his shoulder.
Argenti laughed again, and you might think it’s the sweetest sound you’ve ever heard. He gently wrapped his arms around yours, "Seeing the effect I have on you is a sight more beautiful than any sunrise," he purred, voice dripping like honey, his hand now moving to glide down your neck, fingers tracing patterns on your nape.
"I will never tire of making your skin burn, my love. Each blush and shiver you give me only adds fuel to my desire for you." His thumb traced circles on your nape, and you could just sleep right here.
“I never thought I would be this… desire-able?” You mumble, the hint of insecurity showing, making him sigh.
"Nonsense,” he tightens his arms around you, “The way you move, the sound of your voice, the way you look at me... it drives me to the brink of madness. I find myself craving you at all hours of the day, constantly longing for your touch, your presence alone is enough to make me weak in my knees." 
You frown at his words, relaxing right here, in the arms of your lover, “you’re too precious.”
“Likewise, darling.”
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sparklingchim · 2 months
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you're losing me 03 | jjk
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pairing: jungkook x reader
word count: 5k
genre: angst, married couple, age gap, ceo jk, nepo baby oc, second chance romance
rating: 18+
warnings: oral (f receiving), nipple play, fingering, spit kink 👉🏼👈🏼, oc is horny for her man 😋☝️, dirty talk, implied shower sex!! teasing, her dad is a meanie </3, but jk lowkey too :') ... but he's saur sweet as well 🥺 ugh!!, jk's niece yumi is the cutest ever <3, oc feeling sad/lonely/neglected/not loved enough, u know just the usual :')
summary: probing questions and rising tensions cloud the family dinner.
a/n: she posted !!!! 🫢 are u proud of me !! 🫂
⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒
Something tickles your back.
You roll over on your side, mumbling incoherent words.
“Hey,” Jungkook whispers. “You’re having a bad dream?”
You nod against the pillow. You don’t remember much now that you’re awake, but the dream left you feeling upset.
He pulls your body to his, keeping a safe arm around you.
“You’re okay now?” His knuckles trace softly over your cheek.
Fluttering your eyes open, you turn your head to him. “What time is it?”
“Just past six.” Jungkook pulls up the strap of your lacy nightgown. “Gotta get up for work soon.”
“No.” You hug his chest. “They won’t care if you go in a little later.”
A faint smile curves his mouth. “But I care,” he says. “The company doesn’t work without me.”
You frown and dig your pointer finger to your chest. “Me too.”
Jungkook catches your finger and intertwines his hand with yours. “I’ll be back early today,” he promises.
And while you’d usually be excited about it, you’re a bit frustrated that he’s only promising it because you’re having a family dinner at your place this evening.
“Dad would be upset if you show up late.”
“I know. He’s been watching my every step these days.”
Your dad once trusted Jungkook without question, but now he seems to be keeping a closer eye on him. You remember the day you told your dad about dating Jungkook. His expression had softened, a rare sign of pride. Though you knew it wasn’t because he was happy his daughter found a loving partner. Still, you tried to absorb any positive attention from him, recognizing that his approval was more about how the relationship could benefit him.
Your father has always been more interested in what you create or gain and how it can serve his interests.
“Is he upset with you?” you ask. Brows furrowing as you think about your own question.
“Not yet. But he’s still eager for a partnership between our companies and wants to launch a joint venture.”
You pull a face, groan a little. “Don’t tell me more. I don’t want any knowledge of this, so my father can use me to get what he wants from you.”
“He shouldn’t dare.” A stern look crosses his face. “I won’t let him drag you into it.”
But just because you’re curious and way too nosy, you ask one more question. “What do you have that he does not?”
“I have more connections than he does,” Jungkook says. One corner of his mouth slightly pulling upward. “Your father can be ruthless, but people like working with me. I’m way nicer than he is.”
“You are?” you question with a teasing lilt to your voice. You drag your finger across his chest. “Then be nice and spend some time with me before you go to work.” Your finger travels down his abs, stops at his boxer briefs. An amused smile blooms on his face as he watches you innocently bat your eyelashes at him.
With a playful grin, unable to resist you, he leans in closer. His hands find your waist. As your back sinks into the plush mattress underneath, you feel his weight pressing against you. His lips capture yours in a deep, lingering kiss, and you can feel the heat between you both rising.
He pushes your silky nightgown up your tummy, continuing his kisses on your neck to your chest and then your ribs and your belly button. Little, satisfied moans leave your mouth.
“Spread your legs for me,” he whispers against your skin. With his hands on your thighs, he gets comfortable on his tummy.
“I didn’t even get to tell you about the exciting new offer I got yesterday.”
“Tell me, love,” he says softly, continuing to peck your exposed skin. His breath tickles your thigh.
“Dasom called and told me Calvin Klein wants me as an ambassador,” you explain. The same joy floods your tummy as when your manager told you about the news, but maybe it’s Jungkook’s mouth teasing you on your inner thighs.
“That’s exciting.” His thumb rubs over your ribs in appreciation. “You’ve been wanting to work with them for so long.”
“I know! But you know what’s even more fun?” Your voice drowns in excitement, eyes sparking with enthusiasm as you look down at Jungkook between your legs.
He licks a stripe up your clothed pussy. Your inhale shakily.
“Jungkook.” You tug at his hair to make him look at you. “Are you listening?”
“I am listening.” He keeps looking at you while he tugs your panties to the side. “Go on,” he tells you, sucking on your clit right after.
Your back arches. A surprised moan bubbles from your throat.
“They- they want us two to do a shoot together,” you utter between heavy breaths. “Said it would be great for their new campaign. They love our chemistry."
“Yeah?” Jungkook’s eyes lock onto yours, and you suddenly find it hard to hold his gaze, your fingers fidgeting with the sheets between you.
“They thought about an underwear shoot, but we could do whatever we’re comfortable with.” Your tummy clenches when Jungkook adds two fingers. “They just- Jungkook, fuck.” He curls his fingers and grazes your sweet spot, pleasure jolting throughout your entire body. “They just really want us both for their campaign.”
Your fingers tug at his messy hair, hips moving against his face.
“What do – what do you think?” You bite your lip. Just a little bit more and you’re cumming.
His mouth leaves your clit. You whine at the loss. “Whatever you’re comfortable with, love.”
“You’d be okay with it?”
“Yeah.” He gives your pussy little kisses, trailing upwards to give your tummy a few too.
You impatiently push his head back between your legs. “Please, finish what you started.”
Jungkook hums in satisfaction. “So well behaved. That’s my good girl.” His tongue glides over your clit while his fingers move at a languid pace.
“Remember the perfume ad?” you ask, eyes slowly closing as he continues to torture your swollen nub with his tongue. “They only saw your back in the video and loved it so much. They’ll... they’ll die seeing this campaign.”
His left hand travels up your body, vanishing underneath the soft fabric that just barely covers your chest. “Do you have a date?” he asks, mouth full. He makes you feel dizzy.
“No-uh – oh.” You gasp when he pinches your pebbled nipple. “Not soon, though. Sometime next year, I think.”
“Sounds good.” His fingers are deep inside you. Wet noises fill the room and you want to cum so badly.
“Faster, please.” Your pussy clenches around his fingers, heat spreading over your entire body.
Jungkook looks so hot between your thighs. Eating you out with his skilled mouth, his cheeks flush a dusty pink as he watches your gentle reactions through his still sleep-laden eyes
“Jungkook.” The creases around his eyes soften when he hears you moan his name in a meek, lewd way. He can feel you being so close to coming undone, and he’s eager to see you writhe for him, make a little mess.
“Gonna cum for me, love?” The way he asks is so sweet that you nod eagerly You don’t ever deny him anything, wanting nothing more than to be good for him.
“Uh-huh,” you manage to slip between breathy moans. “Wanna cum for you.”
When the pleasure finally hits its peak and you’re so full with it, your thighs begin to tremble around his face and your head sinks into the pillow. Jungkook’s tongue continues to swipe over your sensitive clit and you whimper, pushing him away.
“Felt so good, didn’t it?” He withdraws his fingers from your clenching walls and runs his thumb over your wet, creamy pussy. He licks them clean and you swallow. He’s so irresistibly attractive it leaves you feeling light-headed.
Rising from his spot between your legs, he holds your face. His fingers dig into your cheeks. “Open your mouth.” When you do, he spits in your mouth and you swallow the mixture of your arousal combined with his spit.
“So good,” he murmurs, patting your head. “I’ll go take a shower.”
You throw your arms around his little waist. “No, stay a little more.”
“I have to leave soon, love.”
His semi is poking your tummy through his briefs and you wriggle around a little just to show him what he’s missing out on.
He buries his head in the crook of your neck, sighing deeply. “Join me in the shower?”
You giggle, tugging at his hair to kiss him on the lips. “Fine.”
As he walks towards the bathroom, you take a moment to sit on the edge of the bed, your nightgown falling back over your body, feeling the lingering warmth of his body. You hear the sound of the shower turning on, and the steam starts to drift out into the bedroom.
Before joining him, you decide to select today’s perfumes for the both of you. You pause in front of the vanity, eyeing your collection with a silly excitement.
Chanel Chance Eau Tendre? Delightful and light, but not today. Marc Jacobs Daisy? Sweet and floral. Maison Francis Kurkdijan Baccarat Rouge 540? A favourite, but it doesn’t feel right for the moment. Gucci Bloom? Tempting with its fresh notes.
Finally, you settle on Dior J’adore – you’re just obsessed with Dior scents.
Moving along the row of Jungkook’s fragrances, your finger dances over each bottle, contemplating.
Creed Aventus? A bit too fruity. Tom Ford Oud Wood? Very exotic. Dior Sauvage? Immediate skip. Bleu de Chanel? Elegant but maybe another day.
You pause at Tom Ford Amber Absolute. That exotic scent – ugh, you’ve never liked it at all. Jungkook used to wear it occasionally until he noticed your distaste and stopped.
At last, your finger lands on Yves Saint Laurent La Nuit de l’Homme. You love the cedarwood and vetiver smell in this one. Perfect.
With a satisfied smile, you set the chosen bottles on the counter.
“Love?” Jungkook calls from the bathroom.
“’m coming!”
~
You’ve successfully avoided your father all evening, managing to stay out of his way whenever possible.
You know he’s itching to discuss the incident from a few weeks ago when you were seen at your gynaecologist. He loves prying into your life and demanding answers, a way of “checking up” on his youngest daughter that feels more intrusive than caring.
So, as he’s deep in conversation with Jungkook’s brother and dad, you seize the opportunity to slip out of the living room. You're in search of Jungkook, who left a few minutes ago, and you could really use his comforting presence.
As you move quietly through the house, you hear voices coming from the dining room. You pause at the doorway and catch Jungkook’s mum ask in a hushed tone, “Is the same happening as with Eunji?”
“No. Everything is fine,” Jungkook reassures her.
“I don’t want to witness something similar again,” she expresses, clearly distressed.
Jungkook’s soothing voice replies, “There is nothing for you to worry. I promise.”
Your tummy knots with unease.
You hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but the mention of Jungkook’s ex-wife only heightens your discomfort.
You’re desperate to know why his mother is mentioned Eunji and what the conversation is about, but you decide to ask Jungkook later, in a subtle manner.
With your eyes fixated to the floor and thoughts muddled, you enter the kitchen. Sunhee, the chef who has been part of your family since you were little, is preparing dinner for you tonight.
“Who was the cause of that sad face, my dear?” Sunhee asks, worry crinkling her forehead while she puts the food on the plates.
“I’m not sad,” you deny, leaning against the counter. “Not yet, at least.”
“Why are you anticipating becoming sad? That’s not a good thing to do,” Sunhee says, shaking her head in disapproval. “Who are you hiding from?”
She knows you so well. Ever since Sunhee became your family’s chef, it’s been your habit to hide in the kitchen when the atmosphere at home became too overwhelming for you. When your father was angry or your parents argued, you’d slip into the kitchen, and Sunhee would lift you onto the counter to watch her cook.
You used to just hide in your room, but you found that life was easier to bear when you didn’t have to carry all the sadness alone. When you were ready to face the world again, Sunhee would slip sweets into your hands. You mum hated treats before dinner and never allowed them, so this became your little secret with Sunhee.
It might seem trivial, but those moments meant the world to you when you were a little girl.
“My dad,” you huff. “He’s been unbearable since...the pictures.”
Sunhee gives you a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry to hear that, dear. I know how tiring his behaviour can be.”
“He’s like someone straight out of the gossip rags.”
Sunhee chuckles softly. “He does have a flair for drama, doesn’t he? But you shouldn’t let it get to you. You’ve always been good at handling him.”
“It’s just exhausting.”
She pats your hand gently. “Don’t let him bring you down. Remember, this kitchen is your sanctuary.” The little anxious ball in your tummy fades with each comforting word Sunhee speaks. “Dinner will be ready shortly. You can sit down in the dining room. I’ll let everyone know.”
“I’ll do that for you,” you offer, and leave the kitchen.
Heading to the living room, you announce, “Dinner’s ready.”
“Have you seen Yumi?” Jungkook’s brother asks, referring to his four-year-old daughter.
“It’s been a while since I’ve last seen her,” you answer and he immediately gets up. She must be up to no good if she’s been unsupervised for longer than ten minutes.
“Yumi! Where are you?” Jungkook’s brother calls in the hallway. “Dinner’s ready!”
Loud, hectic thumps erupt from upstairs.
“When did she get up there?” you ask puzzled.
Jungkook and his mother emerge from the dining room.
“What happened?” he asks.
Before anyone can respond, Yumi’s usual small pitter-patter of footsteps becomes a series of high-pitched clatters. She appears at the top of the stairs, dressed up in your clothes.
“Oh, God,” her dad utters.
“She found ___ closet.” An endeared smile crinkles Jungkook’s eyes.
Yumi proudly walks down the stairs in your Louboutins, a hand on the rail to keep her from tumbling. Jungkook rushes towards her, keeping a safe hand on her shoulder.
“___!” she exclaims, her wide smile puffing her cheeks. She’s wearing your soft pink corset from Dior and your mini skirt from Giambattista Valli’s vintage collection over her own dress.
“Had fun in my wardrobe?” You laugh as she nods vigorously.
“You have soo many clothes!” she says, eyes turning big. “And everything is sparkly!” She turns to her dad. “Daddy, I want a sparkly bag like dis too!” Yumi shoves your Prada clutch up in the air.
Jungkook’s brother emits a strained sigh, although a tiny smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. “Don’t you have a sparkly bag?”
Yumi frowns. “Not dis sparkly.” She points her hand at the bag for emphasis.
You giggle. Yumi was raised right. The sparklier the better.
“I hope you didn’t leave a mess in there,” he warns her.
“Daddy, the bag!” she yells, ignoring his words to avoid trouble, dangling it in the air.
Her dad ushers her into the dining room.
“Who made the bag? I’ll just buy her the same one,” he whispers in your ear.
“It’s a vintage Prada clutch from the fall/winter 2015 collection,” you answer, a confused pout gracing your face. “It’s no longer available for purchase.”
His eyes widen. He watches his daughter climb onto the chair with Jungkook’s assistance, the crystal embellished clutch sitting on the decked table near drinks and food that could spill onto it.
“Then we better take care of it.” He rushes to the table and places it somewhere safer.
As everyone settles into their seats for dinner, Jungkook’s brother breaks the silence, “Hyein was so upset she would miss out on Sunhee’s food.” His wife is pregnant and felt sick today, so she couldn’t come.
“How far along is she?” your mother asks.
“Just entered the third trimester.”
“I’m getting a baby brother!” Yumi exclaims, eyes wide with anticipation.
Jungkook pats her hair and falls into a quiet conversation with her.
“We’re very excited, but she’s been having a rough time lately.”
“Well, I hope she feels better soon,” your father says, his tone temporarily softening. “Take good care of her.”
As the conversation continues with lighter topics, you feel a momentary relief. But soon enough, you feel your father’s gaze shift back to you, a familiar sense of scrutiny returning.
“I wonder when it’ll be time for my daughters,” he says pointedly.
It’s funny he is using the plural form, given that, as far as you know, he never brings up this topic with your older sister, Jinah.
“I think we’ve talked about this last week,” you answer monotonous, eyes set on the plate before you.
“With you I’m just wondering whether I would receive the news from you personally or wake up to headlines telling me,” he says.
Your father called you as soon as the pictures were released, as hungry for answers as the press. Even accused you of hiring the paparazzi yourself when you told him you had merely gone to a check-up and assured him you weren’t pregnant; Jungkook was just comforting you after a rough day.
You used to pull a lot of silly stunts as a teenager to get your father’s attention. But staging a scene for the paparazzi, crying in your husband’s arms over a pregnancy scare, would be the last thing you’d do to get him to check up on you.
You did have your share of attention-seeking antics, like being spotted leaving the club with the son of your father’s rival company, stealing his jet or throwing lavish parties and inviting a mix of celebrities and socialites when your father was away on a trip.
“Didn’t Jinah talk about wanting babies in an interview? Ask her for grandchildren.”
Tilting his head, your father gives you a disapproving glance. “She’s busy with her law firm, don’t you think?”
The table falls silent, with only the faint sound of your breath as you open your lips to speak. Before you can respond, Jungkook steps in to answer for you.
“___ is quite busy herself – launching her clothing brand soon, starting the filming of her first drama, handling the countless photoshoots she has weekly.” Jungkook subtly places his hand on your bare thigh, the comforting press of his wedding band against your skin.
Your father’s features soften as he shifts his gaze to Jungkook. It still saddens you a bit that he seems to approve of everyone but you – it haunts you in the middle of the night, knowing that all you ever wanted as a child was to feel deserving of one of his approving smiles.
“I know she’s busy. It irks me what she keeps herself busy with.”
Jungkook is about to respond, but his mother steps in. “Your acting debut? Oh, I’m so excited.”
Jungkook’s hand slides to your knee, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Don’t take it to heart.
You remind yourself that you’ve long since stopped letting these comments get under your skin. Yet, a part of you – the little girl still longing for approval – feels a pang of sadness that won’t quiet fade.
As the conversation shifts, you find yourself staring at your plate, pushing the food around with your fork. The weight of your father’s disapproval feels heavier than ever. The rest of the meal passes in a blur of small talk and clinking utensils. You laugh at the right moments, nod when expected, but your mind drifts elsewhere. Eventually, the plates are cleared, and everyone begins to disperse.
“We should get going. It’s been a long day, and Hyein is alone at home.”
Yumi tugs at her dad’s sleeve, her eyes wide and hopeful. She glances over at you and Jungkook, then looks down shyly.
“What is it, Yumi?” her dad asks, crouching down to her level.
She whispers something in his ear, and he chuckles. “She wants to ask you guys something.”
You smile, kneeling down.
“Can we have a sleepover?” Yumi asks, her voice small and tentative. “Please?”
Jungkook grins and looks at you for confirmation. You nod saying, “Of course, you can. We’d love to have you.”
“Yay!” Yumi exclaims, jumping up and down excitedly. She rushes over to hug both you and Jungkook tightly.
As everyone gathers their things, your father watches you intently. His expression is hard to read, and for a moment, it seems like he might say something. But he quickly looks away, the familiar disapproval etched into his features.
You expected nothing less from him.
~
“Is Uncle Jungkook not playing dress up with us?” Yumi asks as she looks through the dress section of your closet.
“I’ll look for him, yeah?”
Stepping out of your walk-in closet and your bedroom, you walk down the hallway.
“Jungkook?” You hear his voice coming closer, and soon spot him walking briskly in your direction.
“Jungkook,” you call, trying to grab his bicep but he continues walking, and your fingers merely graze his arm. “Yumi wants to play before going to bed.”
Only when he turns around do you see him pressing his phone against his ear. Jungkook puts his pointer finger against his mouth and shushes you before he walks off in the direction of his office.
A startled laugh escapes your mouth.
As soon as your family left, his focus shifted back to his work. His excuse about being on the phone felt like a dagger, leaving you feeling disregarded and lonely – emotions you have been feeling too much lately, it’s starting to become a familiar ache in your chest, a constant reminder of the growing distance between you.
Watching Jungkook retreat to his office, you couldn’t help but wonder when it became so easy for him to prioritise work over your presence.
You turn back towards the bedroom and find Yumi standing by your open jewellery drawer, probably drawn by the bright, sparkly gems.
“Uncle Jungkook has some work to do,” you tell her.
Yumi just nods, staring at all the shimmery things in front of her. When she hears you sigh, she looks up at you, her little heart immediately sensing your change in mood.
“Are you sad?” Yumi asks, dragging her little finger over all your accessories, searching for the ones that shine the most.
“I think so,” you admit.
“Was someone mean to you?” She grabs a diamond necklace.
“A little, yeah.” You cross your arms, holding back the annoyed sigh.
Jungkook didn’t mean to make you feel upset. That would never be his intention. But you’re a sensitive person. And you’re his wife, so he should know better.
“My mommy always says when someone is mean to me to never be mean back to them, because – because that shows you are an ugly person.” She fiddles with your necklace.
“And we don’t want to be an ugly person, right?”
“No-uh.” She shakes her head, her little pigtails bouncing. “I wanna be pretty,” she says and holds the shiny necklace against her neck while looking at herself in the full-length mirror. “Where did you get this one from?”
Yumi’s second favourite game, after dress-up, is asking about the designers of your clothes and jewellery.
“It’s a Harry Winston piece. Uncle Jungkook gifted it to me,” you tell her.
“Really?” Her eyes widen. “He buys you so many sparkly things! Like that!” She points to your wedding ring. “Uncle Jungkook must love you so much. But – but he married you. So he has to.”
You help her put on the necklace. “What, you can’t love someone when you’re not married?”
Yumi shakes her head and giggles. “Noo, of course you can, silly. But you only get married when you know you will love them forever and ever.”
“You think Uncle Jungkook will love me forever?” You just feel slightly foolish for asking a child for reassurance.
She turns to you. A confused pout adorns her little face. It reminds you a bit of yourself.
“You don’t buy someone sparkly things when you don’t love them forever.”
You laugh. “Oh, is that so?” You grab her hand. “Come on, little girl. I got a few unopened gifts from designers I know you will love.”
Yumi squeals excitedly and follows you.
~
Sometime past midnight, Jungkook steps into the bedroom.
You lie in bed with your back to him. You were scrolling mindlessly on your phone – online shopping a little until Jungkook would come to bed, using his card just because. You put Yumi to bed in your guest bedroom hours ago.
“Jaehyun’s gala is in Italy next week,” he says, putting his phone on his bedside table. “You’re coming with me, right?”
You glance over your shoulder and glare at him a little. “No. Don’t wanna go all the way there just for a gala.” You hate flying. And flying to Italy to just stay there for a couple hours does not sound like something you want to do.
“We could have a little vacation for a few days.”
You tilt your head, watching him intently as if he’s setting you a trap. “How many days are we talking?” You sit up.
He ponders, probably going through his schedule in his mind. “Three days. At least.”
You sigh dramatically, though your chest feels giddy. “Fine. I’ll come. But I decide what we’re going to do every day.”
“Sure,” he agrees. “But I already know what you want to do anyway.” A little smirk dances on his lips.
“Oh, do you now?” you challenge, raising an eyebrow.
“Of course,” he replies, eyes shining. “You’ll want to visit the Uffizi Gallery first, lose yourself in all that Renaissance art. Then, there’s the Pinacoteca di Brera because you’re in love with those masterpieces. Shopping at Via Montenapoleone is a given, of course.”
You try to hide your smile but fail miserably.
“You probably want to go to the Amalfi Coast too. You love the view and the town. And then dinner at La Pergola – you've been craving their dishes ever since the last time we went.” He sits down the edge of the bed, watching you with expectant eyes.
You shake your head at him. “You really do know me too well.”
His dimples appear. “Told you.” He looks so pleased with himself. “See? I like you way better like this.” Jungkook gently traces the curve of your smile with the pad of his finger. “And not when you’re glaring at me.”
“Then be nicer to me,” you huff.
His fingers hold your chin and his mouth meets yours. He kisses you so softly and you melt against him.
“I’m not doing it on purpose, love,” he whispers in between kisses. His hand is warm on your waist and he squeezes you slightly.
“Come to bed.” You plant a smooch on his jawline. “I can’t sleep without you.”
While Jungkook takes off his clothes, you lie down again, your mind racing with thoughts of what happened today.
“Why did you and Eunji separate?” you inquire, voice laced with curiosity.
You catch the exact moment Jungkook registers your question; one eyebrow lifts for a heartbeat before his lips pucker into a wistful pout, deep in thought.
He isn’t surprised by your random question. Jungkook is used to you asking things at unexpected moments. You always speak your mind when you’re with him. You’ve asked him this before, but you want to hear his answer again, especially after his mother mentioned her.
“It just didn’t work out anymore,” he says finally. He wears a pensive expression and you’d give everything to know which moments with Eunji are flashing before his eyes.
You wonder if he often reminisces about specific times with her, and your curiosity deepens. He still works with her, sees her quite often, so does he ever think about past times with her? When they were married? And a happy couple?
The thought makes your face twist into a little frown. Jungkook has you. There’s no reason for him to dwell on past relationships when he is married to you.
What kind of thoughts are these? You’ve never had them before.
“We had other plans on how our future would look like,” he tells you as he’s getting under the covers. “What’s wrong?” he asks once he looks over at you and sees your brows pulled together.
“Nothing,” you murmur, smoothing the blanket around you.
“Everything is strictly professional between us.” He’s watching you with attentive eyes. “We care more about our work than the personal stuff.”
You doubt you could say the same if you were in their shoes. But then again, dramatic as you are, you’ve never really gotten over anything in your life.
You still wonder why his mother mentioned his ex, but it doesn’t matter – she doesn’t. Jungkook loves you, and that’s all you care about.
“I know. I trust you.” With a knowing glint in your eyes, you nod once in agreement. “Have never trusted anyone as much, actually.” You turn on your side, resting your hand on his chest. He’s warm, and you feel a gentle calm settle over you.
Soft knocks interrupt you.
“Uncle Jungkook?” Yumi’s meek voice comes through from the other side. She slowly opens the door. “Can I sleep with you, please?”
Jungkook sits up. “Is something wrong?” he asks worriedly.
“Can’t sleep,” she mumbles and crawls up into your bed. Her curious eyes rake over the shiny, lacy nightgown you’re wearing as Jungkook helps her getting tucked in between the two of you. “That’s a beautiful colour,” she says sleepily, feeling the glossy material with the pads of her fingers.
“Thank you.” You smile down at her but she’s intensely staring at your nightgown with fascinated eyes.
“Such a sleepy girl and yet still wants to steal ___ clothes.” Jungkook boops her nose, and she giggles mischievously. “At this point, you just want everything that Aunt ___ wears.”
Yumi turns her head to him. “You have a very pretty girlfri – wife, Uncle Jungkook.”
Jungkook hums in agreement. “I know. She is insanely pretty.”
Your cheeks feel hot. And you feel silly, but so in love.
“Is that why you married her?”
Jungkook chuckles. “It’s one of the reasons, yeah.”
“When I grow up, I want to be as pretty as Aunt ___” Her little eyes sparkle when they shift back to you. She scootches closer to you, cuddling your side.
“Oh,” you coo at her sweetness. “But you’re so pretty already.” You hesitantly brush her hair, taming the crazy bed hair. Jungkook watches you two with fondness softening his features.
“I know,” she yawns and ever so slowly her eyes fall closed.
“How did she fall asleep this quick?” You stare at the way her body falls and rises in rhythmic motions.
“I ask myself that every time when we go to sleep together.”
You sniff a laugh. You tend to fall asleep extremely fast when Jungkook is next to you.
“You’re just very comfortable.” You yearningly stare at his chest and his arm. You won’t be able to fall asleep on him, because miss Yumi is clinging to your side.
“Apparently you are too,” he muses.
You smile softly, looking down at Yumi’s peaceful face. The warmth of her small body pressed against yours fills you with a comforting sense of contentment. It’s a simple, unconditional love that you’ve always yearned for.
The room is quiet, save for the soft sounds of sleep. You close your eyes, feeling the weight of the day and the ache in your heart. As much as you cherish these moments, they also remind you of what’s missing.
But for now, you hold onto Yumi a little tighter, letting her innocent love soothe your restless mind, even as the doubts and fears linger in the corners of your heart.
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