#I encourage anyone who has only read it once to do a re-read

[tofixtheshadows]

People who read Dungeon Meshi tend think they're so smart for reading it, because Dungeon Meshi is a smart manga, and they Understand Its Themes and its symbolism, but the way the majority of you talk about Kabru is like. Oh, I see. The narrative held your hand through a nuanced topic and you still didn't get it. </3 Somehow it's really hard when it isn't a white character. ):

[fumifooms]

Falin who cares too much and too little - analysis

Been stewing on Falin thoughts for a while, I know I have an interpetation on her that differs from many but I’m jumping into the fray. I think there’s a lot to be said about what we do see of Falin. This shorter Falin analysis I made is heavily encouraged prior reading. This analysis mainly explores her complex relationship with caring and so it’s sort of structured in two halves, with Faligon at the crux of it all.

Falin cares too little :

A lot of people assign Falin a people pleasing mindset and I… Don’t agree. We never see her care at all about people in her town or at the academy not liking her.

We do see her worrying about what people think of her… ONCE. And Laios comforted her, told her they didn’t matter and she should be proud of herself. She latched onto that hard. That’s why this scene was so important to be included during the dragon fight, relationship-defining; it’s always been them against the world. She grew to not care what others thought, to only focus on her close loved ones. No one else matters.

Laios’ words were her world. Her older brother who taught her how to feel comfortable with herself, who told her, you’re great, others are the ones in the wrong to not see that, I’ll always be with you, always be there for you. Older brother who always made great plans, who always knew more, who was better at wrestling to name the dogs, who she has always idolized. Laios who always spoke of traveling the world, to which she always said she wanted to follow. And she would, she’d follow him even if it meant leaving the academy and all she knew behind, she’d follow him to the ends of the world, and that’s what she did.

She didn’t care about showing to her classes or keeping up such appearances, she doesn’t even think of toning down her jumping into bushes when Marcille recoils, etc. She acts like an obedient pawn often, to her parent’s directives and then following Laios around no matter what he decides to do, but I don’t think the motivation is people pleasing, rather it’s being with & caring for her loved ones, and her go-with-the-flow attitude enhances the impression. Not that it’s as simple as that, mind you, but let’s talk about this for now.

Falin is perceived as selfless because we, the audience, have our perspectives revolving around the main people in her life (Laios, Marcille). They’re the ones she’s devoted to and people who care about her back a lot too, but to people like her classmates or the towspeople she probably must have seemed like someone who didn’t care about the people around her or her surroundings a lot, who just went on alone and did her own thing.

What matters to Falin? From what place does her kindness come from? Is a part of her keeping up appearances? And I think that’s the point, the horror of Faligon as well, that we can’t tell just how in control Falin the person is as the chimera (because we are shown that she’s in there, we just don’t know at what degree), that we don’t know her enough to be able to tell when she’s at her most genuine, her most raw. That even if you do settle on none of her being present as Faligon, we have to at least consider it, consider that she may be able to do something like this and have a part in it, brutal and uncaring. That even the lenses we see her through, the people who love her, may be unreliable.

And this is what’s very interesting about her too, she truly is so idealized by people around her as a saint. She’s so good and kind and caring to everyone etc etc etc. Laios, Toshiro and Marcille all see her as the paragon of goodness in the world. More cynical characters like Namari and Chilchuck have more layered opinions on her, the latter finding her somewhat unnerving because he can’t read her well. But then with that one flashback scene we see that… Her priorities are intensely focused on Laios and Marcille, she doesn’t care all that deeply about anyone other than them (+ maybe her parents). The rest of the party is in the same danger here but only Laios and Marcille who she’s speaking to get the special ,ention, and if they don’t cross her mind then of course she’d be ready to sacrifice strangers through a risky teleportation. That doesn’t make her not kind or caring!! Just that greater good isn’t exactly her priority. Any means is alright if the end result is her loved ones safe, it usually takes the form of healing and caring, but we see she’s ready to fight and make dangerous calls too. To me there’s this aspect to her that she isn’t as pure and magnanimous as everyone thinks she is, both in-world and interestingly enough meta wise as well, and there’s something interesting to that.

People pleasing implies a need to be liked, needs for the motivation to be that. A yes-man, etc. But if we analyze Falin, her general kind, smiling demeanor is more a matter of passivity I yhonk. Conflict avoidance is easier, so she’s friendly and hopefully things’ll be smooth sailing. It’s easy to be kind to classmates even if they act wary and rude if you don’t care about what they think either way. Of course she prefers good things happening to people over bad things, she is genuinely kind, but I think people tend to assign her a very grand altruistic way of life when to her the motivation is pretty self-centered. She doesn’t do what she does because she loves them, but because she loves them.

One situation that’s interesting to dig into for her way of thinking, and what I’m trying to get at, is Shuro’s proposal to her. I’ve seen people saying she hesitated because she didn’t feel comfortable saying no even though she wanted to, "I can’t say no, I don’t want to hurt him", something that sounds sensible and familiar, but it’s actually canon in the Adventurer’s Bible that the reverse was the case, that she didn’t feel comfortable saying yes. Because the offer was tempting, but it’d have been a loveless agreement on her end. And it makes sense she’d want to say yes too, like we see with the Toudens, marriage is very much a political strategical economical thing in their village, there’s even a bit on it on Laios’ Adventurer’s Bible profile about dowries, and both siblings were engaged very early. They lived poorly for a long time, it’s an enticing idea to marry rich, to have not only yours but your brother’s needs met forevermore easily, which at one point in their careers was their main worry and goal. Why shouldn’t she accept a life of leisure and wealth handed to her by a lovely friend?

So her hesitance was "yeah that’s convenient for me, but where it’s everything to him and heartfelt I’m able to be detached because I don’t care about it that much… Can I do that? I’m not reciprocating, not saying yes in the way that matters. Can I do that to him?" Very caring even though it’s not what you’d expect, isn’t it?

And central to my analysis, where I’m going with this is, I feel like that’s the thing with her character, that she doesn’t feel as strongly as she "should" sometimes, or feels a different way than she "should", or at least that she feels that way and others say she does. She didn’t mind suddenly leaving the academy, leaving Marcille behind and not seeing her for 4 years. She acted like it was no big deal that she sacrificed herself after getting resurrected after the red dragon fight. And in both those cases it upset the people around her greatly that she didn’t seem to get why it was such a big deal, didn’t seem to care about how they’d experienced her choices.

So it’s a tendency… And it’s not that she doesn’t care, it’s just that the way she measures what’s good for the ones she loves isn’t the same as what they themselves think it is (like Laios and Marcille not wanting to be apart from her). It’s an overt but quiet kind of care, it’s doing things like following them around and making sure they bathe and have a meal, even if that means she has to be dragged into misery too.

So yes she probably would know "not caring enough/the right way" is one of her perceived flaws, and that informs how she tries to handle her response to Shuro’s proposal. Her not wanting to accept like her first gut instinct, is because she’s thinking about reciprocity, about if it’d be right to go into this knowing that they have different priorities and she might not be able to keep up with the type and amount of emotions he wants/expects from her. And that’s a big part of her character isn’t it, having expectations pushed onto her. Her trying her best, but in her own way that may seem odd or even unfeeling. Not unlike when she exorcised the ghost as a kid too, unblinking and matter-of-factly, and not seeming to understand why people stared the way they did.

Even though she answered his proposal only post-canon, she’d been pondering it for a while even pre-canon and the Adventurer’s Bible explanation was released midstory, so I’m hesitant to assign her much growth about her hesitation and what I went on above, since she still didn’t react "right" with Laios after the red dragon fight (even if she apparently doesn’t remember sacrificing herself) and put herself in that situation in the first place. She hasn’t finished her arc on that flaw of hers is what I’m saying, she for sure still has it, but I certainly think her thoughts on Shuro’s proposal shows awareness, both of herself and social.

And awareness is a big analysis key word with Falin, especially here it can be hard not to conflate not caring with not knowing. How socially aware is she? It’s rather layered, because canonically she wasn’t aware of her ostracization in her hometown at all, and we’re not sure if she knew Shuro was interested in her before he proposed, but she generally seems more socially aware than Laios. She tags along on his caravan job to make sure he isn’t being mistreated (though doesn’t ask he get a salary), she catches social faux-pas more easily like in the genderbend magic mirror omake with Shuro, and interestingly enough she’s very good at empathizing with her parents and understanding their perspective. We see when she’s worried about Marcille coming that she does know about propriety and how appearances shape impressions. Being a chief’s daughter must at least have taught her a thing or two on that front.

She never stands up for herself, but when it comes to defending others she worries, strategizes and explains.

And this sort of understanding is part of why I think she’d notice the expectations pushed onto her like I was saying earlier, notice how she makes people feel when she’s careless. But if she changes anything about herself in response to noticing is for her to choose, and generally I think it’s a sort of inbetween of yes and no: that she becomes more complacent but also more reserved, complying but by hiding more of herself passively. She’s not sure wether to accept or reject Shuro’s proposal, doesn’t want to lead him on? She’ll just be taking a while to silently consider it, try to keep things as they are for the time being. The third, less conflicting option. She doesn’t feel heard by Marcille who keeps infantilizing her? Just bear with it. Retract yourself emotionally. Settle for it.

We see that when she was young she had a tendency to not read a room, and I think that’s here too. She doesn’t get why her nonchalance upset others but that doesn’t change that she doesn’t want them upset or hurt, so she tries, albeit in maybe a roundabout way. She always had a hard time deeply connecting with people, often keeping herself some amount of emotionally distant: erasing herself from the equation, from the two-way trade that relationships are and making it a onesided thing instead, where all their needs and emotions are directed towards her but she only lets out a bit of her own show. She takes everything upon her and deals with it and tries not to give others this same burden, though not on a conscious level, it’s just that she’s learned growing up that she doesn’t have much agency.

Like I went into with my analysis linked at the beginning, I think Falin is used to just taking what she can get and not asking for more, when it comes to social bonds. She’ll take spending time with her mother no matter what it is they do, she’ll follow Laios to the graveyards and stick by him even when he’s pushing her away (because he doesn’t want her borrowing his book or "No copying!" or such). Her father was always distant, cold and uncommunicative, her mother was considered sick from anxiety and the exorcism attempts were the main way they spent time together, at dinner tables there were only her and Laios. The dogs picked on her too even if she loved them— And so did the townspeople, maybe that being normal to her at home is why she didn’t notice the ostracization she suffered.

She’s always been the last to be asked about decisions or what she wants, never asked to play with at recess, neither her father or Laios asked before sending her to the academy or leaving the village. At home, in the hierarchy she was considered to be below the dogs by the dogs themselves, as someone they can disrespect. Dogs learn from example and behavior, so this means Falin must have been pushed around a lot, and that the family didn’t try hard to rectify the dogs’ misconception, likely worsened by Laios regularly wrestling with her as a competition.

So for example when Falin showed Marcille food, it was her way to implicitly ask to have lunch with her without voicing that question, without daring to take up space. Someone’s presence isn’t something you ask for, it’s something that’s bestowed upon you, you can follow them around but you can’t ask them to stay or to come with.

She’s used to her needs and wants not being listened to, so she’s learned to have less wants. Caring less about herself, caring less about other people beyond her safe zone, was a defense mechanism in part. She has a sense of learned helplessness too, like how when Marcille came to take her away from Laios, even though she didn’t want to leave with Marcille it felt so determined and unshakable to her that whatever Marcille decided Falin would have to comply with.

And still, it’s the "marrying you would be awfully convenient if it wasn’t that I’d feel guilty for not loving you back, the way you wanted me to when you proposed to me" and the "I don’t regret leaving the academy and leaving you behind without goodbyes but I’m sorry that you’re so much more upset about it than me". It’s the guilt of not loving people back the way they want to be, with the same intensity or fervor.

It’s the autism it’s the aroace of it all, it’s the emotional stunting and confusion but the pit in your stomach telling you you did something wrong again. The no object permanence even for people you love even for 4 years, it’s the feeling like you’re somehow at fault for someone having fallen for you and not knowing what to do with any of it. I’m not joking btw it isn’t uncommon for autistic people to not see their close friends for a long while, not having missed them all that much and for that to be really hurtful for the other if they notice/ask about it. "Hiii bestie! Oh umm you’re uh more emotional about this than I expected, hopefully you won’t feel alienated by me not feeling as intensely about it…"

So… Yeah. I think she thinks of things and relationships in a different way than most people, and beyond "good things happening to people is good" I don’t think she actually cares about people all that much. I’d argue that Laios shows more desire to connect with others and make relationships. And just like with Laios and his own issues with humans, that doesn’t mean her kindness is a lie or ungenuine or worthless! It just means that like, well it’s pretty straightforward really, she’s not all that social and doesn’t see casual bonds as meaning all that much and whatnot. She does want to see people happy, but it’s not as much like… A conviction or goal. She’s too laser focused on a select few people. "It’s not that they’re bad people, they just aren’t interested in humans."

And sometimes it feels like people get defensive about Falin in a meta way too, like if you ever so much as imply Marcille isn’t her whole world or that she isn’t the kindest soul out there then you’re saying she doesn’t care at all or she’s evil. And that’s actualy exactly the sort of vibe I wanted to get through with my analysis above here actually haha, that she does care and she is kind but it’s not in a way that’s quantified or understood in a way that makes people feel comfortable. In a way, that makes people feel insecure because they don’t have the same logic as her, don’t show love the same. And I think this is another stellar depiction of autism, of parts of it that feels unpalatable to many, if I’m making sense. The fandom idealizes her as well, which isn’t uncommon or surprising for the character embodying the trope of the perfect beloved to rescue.

And disclaimer, as I said in the tags I feel like the details of Falin are pretty vibe based when it comes to analysis, there’s absolutely a valid angle where she does super care about everyone always, feel free to disagree with me on the overarching angle of my analysis. There’s enough supporting evidence to tip the balance either way I think, and the reason I’ve chosen this angle is I feel it’s more compelling for the themes in Dunmeshi of idealization and being different, of desires vs wants, and because I think it neatly ties up Falin’s character arc as I’ll go over throughout the next section…

So.

Not feeling as much as she should. And……. Is this not Faligon pushed to the max?

You can’t tie down a dragon. As the chimera, she gets to just not care about everyone else and be on her merry way.

Part of it I think is finding comfort and freedom in the mindlessness, in not having the burden of feelings and connections and a consciousness (despite still ending up seeking those in a stranger, Thistle). Like when she’s dead in the purgatory as well, she gets to just… Hang around and do whatever. Similarly to when she played in the forest instead of going to class in her academy days. That’s what freedom and peace of mind looks like to her. Why she decides to roam post-canon, if only now with the goal to find herself instead, with her mind in tow and somewhere to go back home to.

There’s excellent analytic framing out there about how of course, Dungeon Meshi has a big theme of grief and letting go, and… Falin was always a symbol narratively, idealized by characters and often underconsidered by them despite their love. It was Falin’s choice to sacrifice herself for Laios, she thought it was worth it, knowing that it would be her end. Her resurrection and the process of it intertwining her soul with a dragon’s wasn’t done with her consent, and the subsequent opening it gave her to become a chimera puppet. She’s stripped of her agency consistently, and so… It’s very noteworthy that the final choice, of wether to go back to life or to stay dead, in that purgatory scene, was up to her. And she chooses life, but I do think about her in those fields and how at home she seemed there. Peaceful, by herself in a vast calm expanse she could explore, free.

Personally, I think freedom is Falin’s own subconscious selfish desire. And though to us becoming the chimera is obviously a shackle, I think it felt like freedom to her somewhat, too.

And if you think I’m going wildly off the rails here I want to talk about Laios’ wish of becoming a monster. And to be clear before getting into it, being mentally a monster is absolutely a big part of the appeal for Laios, it’s something that’s consistently referred to, something especially pointed out in the werewolf monster tidbit with Lycion. Right panel is from that, but left panel is from the extra with Izutsumi where Lycion talks about suppressing souls in a beastkin body, the human or the beast soul.

Finding comfort and freedom in being mindless, less sentient, less aware? While being unaware in her hometown might have saved Falin a lot of heartache although perhaps stunted her emotional growth, it’s always been Laios’ curse.

Actively, through his choices, he seeks to grow closer to people, to form deeper bonds, to understand and be undertood, but… On a deep seated level, what he desires is to leave humanity and civilization behind. He has an irrational hatred for humans, born from the trauma of ostracization, being different, being beaten up and rejected consistently through his life. Running away from problems is easier. He wants to be free from being a social animal from a social species who has deemed him the black sheep, he thinks it’d be simpler to just leave it all behind, people and his own humanity. At its core, to Laios becoming a monster is a power fantasy, a coping daydream of "if only I could be strong enough to never be hurt again, the power to destroy anything I want, the power to go somewhere better, if only it was possible for me to never feel hurt again. If only I could be someone, something, that can never be hurt". "If there’s someone you don’t like, you can gobble ‘em up in one bite. If you could fly, you’d be able to leave this village right now." It’s a childhood fantasy, from a deep sense of being misplaced and a desire to be able to stand fearless, thinly covering up resentment that Laios represses.

But you’ll notice, when the Winged Lion is enticing him in the last page, even now with his lifelong wish of becoming a monster on a silver plate, he still cares about his friends. He still has that sense of responsibility to his friends, doesn’t want to leave knowing they’ll be in danger and alone. The offer that his friends may be left unharmed is already good, but Laios also visibly flinches when the Winged Lion offers to specifically care after Marcille and rid her of her biggest fear. Laios’ care runs that deep. Not unlike with the succubus, he resists temptation until he gets reassured that everyone will be okay. But see, what he desires isn’t to stand alongside Marcille until her last days, it isn’t to stay and see how well his friends will live, it’s to go. It’s to leave. It’s to fly away, a monster both in body and mind. He wants to be free from caring here, wants to not have to worry about his friends, wants to just go do his own thing, but for that he needs to feel safe in the belief that said friends will be safe even without him being there to see it, because despite everything else he cares, he does. It’s again that dichotomy about caring and wishing you didn’t, or not caring and wishing you did.

In the end, it’s Falin who achieves that wish. Both by becoming a chimera during canon, and by going traveling post-canon. In the latter, being both free of human relationships as something chaining you while still being uplifted by them, by the knowledge that there are people out there you love and that love you. It’s a theme that can also be connected with Marcille, because she gets anxious over people she loves getting out of her sight, worrying they’ll get themselves killed, that time is passing while they’re away from her. But before she can get to the point where she can both have her freedom and being uplifted by her social bonds, regaining both her individuality and her connections, she has to get a taste of just one at a time. Before they can find balance in her life, she has to see what it’s like to have what she’s never had on its own. Unapologetic freedom, and power.

No one can blame you for not caring enough or caring right if you’re a fricking dragon!!!! You make the rules when you’re a beast and you can just… Fly away. From anywhere, from anything. And if a dog bites you you can just crush it. Instead of being pushed around by the dogs because you’re at the bottom of the hierarchy, you’re now at the top, the one with the power to be heard and do what you want without consequences.

I think she’s on autopilot. I think she’s on autopilot a lot of the time, even before being a chimera, and it’s partly why her will is so weak compared to regular dragons. (Again, read my shorter analysis.) It’s familiar to slip back into the role of following someone around unquestioningly. And that’s what is weaponized when she’s a chimera, that instinct she’s been nursing all her life to unconditionally support, defend and follow someone. Only now, that someone doesn’t matter in itself, only the symbol of it. She doesn’t mind, either way is fine. Her will is weak after all, because she’s trained it to take as little place as it could.

Falin cares too much

She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life.

So you’re probably seeing the duality I’m talking about here, Falin is very self-sacrificial but for specific people in ways that they often don’t recognize or appreciate. She cares but selectively, both in people, putting all her eggs in the same baskets, and in the ways she cares after them. She doesn’t care a lot, but when she does she cares a lot. Falin doesn't have a lot of earthly attachments, but when she does, they're her world.

In canon her arc, especially post-canon, is to grow beyond Marcille and Laios. Her caring for her close loved ones held her back from looking after her own self-fulfillment needs. And this is what I mean when I say she cares too much; she could gain from caring more about the world besides Laios and Marcille, both lands wise and people wise. She cares too little, but her arc centers her flaw around caring too much instead. Her pitfalls that Kui highlight over the course of the story, while of course her selflessness is appreciated for how she saved Laios and everyone, on a personal level is shown to be self-effacing and damaging. She’s undermined by Marcille, without the courage to voice her thoughts and wants, she would dedicate her whole life to Laios. And I mean, it’s text, in the response to Shuro’s proposal extra no less. And she’s so laser focused on her most loved people that she’s fine with being callous and risking others’ lives, even.

Post-canon, she needs to leave to find herself, away from them.

Herself. What if she wants to just be with herself for a while.

And this is me reaching but I feel like, not unlike Izutsumi who learns to feel this sense of never being alone, always having someone on your side what with having two souls, the dragon in her would make her consider herself more. She finds it easier to care after other people after all, and in the purgatory fields sequence she takes care to bring the bit of dragon left with her… Not unlike with Izutsumi, having two souls forces you to think about your identity and figure yourself out. Besides being this sort of duo now, where if she wants to care after herself she can channel it to that other side of her too… In meta dragons are symbols of greed, and I think the bit of dragon would push her to want more and listen more to her desires, primal and self-serving as they might be. The dragon soul which warped her human body with feathers and draconic features, her image of perfection marred, her weirdness externalized in a way that’s not palatable. But she doesn’t care, about if her appearance is palatable for most people, she hasn’t for a while now, and that’s great.

Notes & nuance

I’m struggling with the structure of this post, making my points organized, concise and strong at once. It’s difficult to make any statement without going "things are generally like this, but there’s this time that this contradicting thing happened too" or "it’s ambiguous enough that you should just follow my interpretation for the time of this analysis" haha, so this is the pit where I put all the stuff that wouldn’t fit well in other places but are interesting for Falin’s character. This section is pretty separate from the main thesis of the post, it’s just more Falin observations. The post has reached the 30 pics limit so I can’t just pull it up whenever it’s relevant but I really encourage scrolling up to read the stuff I highlighted in her Adventurer’s Bible profile if you haven’t already.

I think with the shy-looking loner type autistic kid archetype, and knowing she didn’t seem to mind others ostracizing her, it’s easy to lose sight of how she was by no means an unemotional child. In all the bits we see of her as a kid she’s bursting with energy and emotions. Canon confirms Laios leaving the village did affect her and make her lonely and she cried a lot, too. She may not be social in the traditional sense, but she was clingy with her brother, and she also never was all that shy about who she was, wearing her heart on her sleeve.And okay. Okay okay okay. Speaking of appearances. About what I said of her not caring about what people think of her, even seeming defiant with the caravan leader… There’s one istanxe of her caring actually, and it’s about how her face blushes easily. I remembered it as being because Laios’ said it and as I rambled Laios’ words are her world, but actually it’s ambiguous. It’s only Marcille imagining up this scenario where Laios says Falin looks weird because of it, there’s no evidence Laios said or thought that at any point. And on the other hand…

Her Adventurer’s Bible says: "5, Lovely Skin. She isn't particularly careful with it, but Falin's skin is fair and beautiful. Possibly as a result, her cheeks seem to flush easily. Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." The phrasing makes me think the complex she has over her blushing might have developed because of Marcille more than Laios. "Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." It could be related to how Marcille gets swept away and infantilizes her, calling her cute wanting her to wear cute feminine outfits etc. Again this feels like it relates to Falin’s struggle to be seen for who she is and what she wants to be seen as, her struggle to be recognized, having ideals and perspectives pushed onto her. Here Falin is insecure over her blushing implicitly because she doesn’t like being called cute over it, but that’s not how she wants people to see her. She doesn’t want Marcille to always see her as her 10 years old adorable friend. Like if your friend said you had puppy energy, it can be flattering, but it can also make you insecure.

Here’s a link to what I mentioned about her being uncomfortable wearing feminine outfits. It does seem to be more about comfort than the aesthetic perse, to me. Interestingly the shirt & shorts don’t seem like they show much more skin than her beach outfit, so maybe it’s more about the shirt and shorts being tight-fitting. Like the skirts and heels they feel stifling. Again a bit with themes of freedom and not wanting an aesthetic pushed onto her. So yes just to reiterate, I think this is more about self-affirmation and how her identity and self-image gets shown to others, rather than wishing to hide parts of her body like her blushing etc for people pleasing reasons. Makeup was a way for her to appear how she wants to and feel more confident. It was a way to take control over her own image. She didn’t keep doing it, the narrator stating the process to be ‘troublesome’. Ultimately she still prioritizes her comfort, and it was a lot of recurring efforts to go through.

And on the topic of appearances… A friend once asked me: "Does she really hide herself or not? I keep thinking about "falin is herself first and foremost" (in her Adventurer’s Bible profile) it’s just so. Hmmmmmmmm... I just keep seeing people say she hides her real self from people when I feel like the issue is more about her charitable traits straying too far into becoming flaws but people around her dont realize that..."

Imo the thing is, I don’t think she hides her identity, but I do think she suppresses her individuality for others’ sakes if that makes sense. In the way that only post-canon does she allows herself to go see what the world is like, but that’s not personality wise it’s needs and wants wise. And I do feel like that’s the closest interpretation of canon, she says it herself she doesn’t know what she wants because everything she’s done was always about Laios or Marcille, but she doesn’t change her demeanor or personality for others. But she *will*, like, not ask for things she wants directly, like sharing lunches with Marcille at the academy, she suppresses her wants, doesn’t ask things from people and doesn’t hope for more, hope for better. I don’t think we ever see her actively repress her personality, except like what, being more laidback than enthusiastic but I do feel like unlike Laios with her it’s less ‘appearing stoic to fit in more’ and more ‘yeah i’ll just chill until I’m needed or something activates my enthusiasm’. To which said friend quoted: "to feel like you belong you need to be useful. when you can’t be useful the next best thing is being convenient."

And speaking of passivity… I want to speculate about Shuro’s proposal some more. Shuro and her got along well though we don’t know how much, or how often they hung out, she even saved him from a nightmare. Why did she take so long answering Shuro’s proposal? Was it an effort to preserve or was she really just that conflicted? Procrastination probably yes, but what is the core motivation of itl Considering she ended up saying no to travel the world instead, I don’t think it was as simple as ‘she wanted to say yes for convenience’. Logically it’s what would have been best, but it’s not what she wanted for herself, but it was and still is hard for her to even know what she wants. Probably, since like she states it was a great offer and she doesn’t think she’ll get proposed to again, it’s that self-effacing tendency that yes it’d be convenient and logical, and that makes her want to say yes even if her spirit isn’t in it, because if it’s convenient then that’s more important than her feelings on the matter. Man also… Obviously Marcille is very vocal about how she shouldn’t get with Shuro, but imagine how Falin’s whole perspective on marriage must have felt when her only friend ever is a Romantic with a capital R who gushes about idealized romances and grand gestures and True Love and doing things with fully pure feelings all the time.

AND speaking of passivity!!! How much Falin is "there" as the chimera, just how much she’s master of her actions, is left ambiguous and intentionally so imo, but she’s for sure there & influencing the dragon’s action to some degree. Having a dragon’s foot on her in purgatory that keeps her from moving for sure visualizes how it must have been like, but there’s Falin calling out to her brother Laios, there’s the kind attentions towards Thistle that are so Falin-like, and most explicitly there’s the Adventurer’s Bible stating "Even after becoming a chimera, she has a soul that's as kind as ever", which I honestly dislike, a fantranslation puts it as "Even as the chimera, her caring nature remains" and either way to me it feels like confirmation that it’s her giving those berries to Thistle. Now, wether or not she has the mental capacity of a chicken or something closer to human Falin, no clue, there has to at least be some kind of mind bond between monsters and the dungeon lord, compelling or forcing them to go along with orders, or calling her to him in distress like with the fight on the first floor. But yes, it’s interesting to wonder what it is that a Falin, with her kind soul but without her human mind, would willingly do. On her profile, she’s described as Thistle’s guardian and servant. The power dynamic between the two are very interesting, I already went into how it might have felt like freedom to her while being fake so I’ll reign myself in and just mention it again. She’s still at the heel of someone, only now it’s someone who doesn’t care about her back. Going from being cared for so strongly that it’s suffocating and they would defy death and the world for you, to being devoted to someone who has not one feeling about you besides your utility as a paw . She has all this care to give and to focus onto others and he has none to send back to her and I think that’s part of it. In a way, being left with only her own feelings and a void, without expectations or feelings or ideals pushed onto her, it might have been soothing in itself, and eye opening. But yes the way I think of it, her care for Thistle isn’t unlike the care she gives the ghosts.

Interestingly, the care she extends for the ghosts is sending their soul to a peaceful death, freeing them, of life and any earthly attachment. Take that as you will with the themes of freedom and burden of life and mind, immortality and becoming a warped version of who you were, and such and such.

But going back on the topic of connections and bonds for a bit, I think academy days Falin & Marcille is super interesting bc we’ve never really see Falin form a connection besides with Marcille and even that is kept pretty ambiguous. When was the point that Falin started seeing Marcille as a friend and seeking her out? When was the "I’ll lay down my life for you" point? I’m so fascinated by how she wanted to share lunches with Marcille but never truly asked, only made little "hey want this? I found it isn’t it cool?" gestures of showing things to her… It’s the only way she knows to ask, or maybe it’s the only way she feels comfortable to. In all the scenes of young Falin and Marcille Falin seems comfortable in her friendship with Marcille, but at the same time… I think we see Falin at her most insecure around Marcille, because she really does care about Marcille and what she thinks of her so much, and while Marcille is a bit of an unstoppable force tornado style (affectionate) Falin is something of a doormat. I’d usually say showing her berries was her earnest way to connect and be like "Hey bestie look at this! :]" , but there’s a real possibility that she was self-conscious and holding herself back.

Friendship and Marcille! Involving Laios into this too but, again with the autism thing of not showing you care in ways that others understand, Marcille being very overtly affectionate and clingy was so so soo important… Marcille keeping on hanging out with Falin and caring after her, and being undeterred/unbothered by Falin not always seeming like she cares all that much back in the conventional way, as in Falin acts nonchalant and a bit like she didn’t mind wether she was there with her or not during her outings to the cave dungeon. Caring and being clingy and so affectionate despite that in such a classic Marcille way is soo needed, because so often people will get discouraged by say, their friend not keeping in contact regularly/well, seeming disaffected or as happy-go-lucky as ever even if you haven’t seen each other in a while or when they’re alone, and yes there’s potential for a strong friendship there but someone like Falin won’t be committed enough to reciprocating attention the same way… I hope I’m making sense but yes this angle in particular strongly correlates to autism. And the way Marcille always initiates physical affection, both Toudens being awkward about initiating touch because they don’t know if that’s allowed, if they’re going about the social interaction the right way, if they’re allowed to ask that out of someone…

Another fun observation to make is about the 4 years Falin and Marcille spent apart. Marcille despite being of a long-lived race treated these 4 years of separation with more gravity than Falin did. Falin brushed it off very dismissively to say the least. But then you remember that the amount of time Falin and Laios didn’t see each other after he left the village was 8 years. Double the years, double the time. And that reminder makes Falin’s actions so starkingly understandable. Of course she wouldn’t see 4 years of separation as a long time if 8 years of separation with her beloved brother is her point of comparison. Of course she’d see it as worth it to leave Marcille for 4 years if it meant ending those 8 years instead, especially if she was worried about him (the reason why she followed him into his caravan job).

A friend always says that while Falin is the center of Marcille’s world, Laios’ is at the center of Falin’s, and I tend to agree.

It’s fun to think of how her career dreams had always been shaped by Laios, even when they were kids. Of course there’s how traveling the world began as a dream they talked about and shared, but there’s how he reassures her by listing cool jobs she could do like traveling exorcist, etc. And then of course, she gave up on her magic academy and career path to follow him and do odd jobs, etc etc.

I should go into the violence of Faligon more tbh, because I think there’s an interesting parallel to how she has no problem wacking things with a mace, wether a ghost when she was a kid or a walking mushroom as an adult. Something that often surprises fans when they remember, I don’t really want to get into the whole " Falin hates violence and hates seeing people in pain to an intense degree. ‘If you die do it somewhere where I can’t see’ style’ interpretation, it has some weight but on the whole I don’t vibe with the theory she has a particular aversion to violence, she seems to be fine resorting to it as much as any other adventurer as long as it isn’t needlessly against ghosts. And Falin’s sudden mace hits are fun to me too because it’s not her becoming a berserker when the need arises as much as her becoming active because something she cares about is threatened, and that brings her out of her passivity from 99% of the rest of the time. Thistle included. Falin always could be violent, she just dislikes senseless carnage. The Shuro party vs chimera fight is a bit ambiguous on it, because you can argue she only attached after being provoked, presumably offscreen as well while the ninjas went off to fight the harpies. Falin becomes the most active when she needs to protect someone, she has no qualms doing whatever’s needed for that, wether it be leaving the academy & Marcille without notice no matter the consequences or what her parents think, or teleporting the party, etc.

I’m working on a post specifically pointing out all the differences between Falin and Laios, but yes I think both of them selfishly desire freedom in different yet similar ways. Falin’s dark secret is "Ethics and risks are optional if it means I can protect those I love" like the teleportation, and Laios’ is "Ethics and risks are optional if I can be free of all this bullshit" aka humanity aka his wish with the winged lion.

Conclusion

Flighted birds have hollow bones. With freedom and wings there comes risks and sacrifices.

Tldr: Falin doesn’t care all that much, she’s very go with the flow. For example if someone hates her she doesn’t really care because that’d require her caring about what they think of her in the first place, and she only cares about her loved ones. She smiles, but it’s more a state of being rather than out of active goodness: she’s canonically very genuinely kind, but it’s more out of a general want for pleasantness than active care itself. She’s passive, and softspoken because that’s just how she seems, but she has no problem hopping into bushes or getting heated if something calls to her enthusiasm or calls for action and a hit of the ol’ mace. Her loved ones needing tending or protective is what makes her go from passive to active. That familiar autopilot mode of making someone the center of her world and following their every move is what made her so easy to be controlled as the chimera, even ferociously defending him with her life. Faligon is most interesting to me with the theme of freedom. She’s shackled to Thistle and out of her mind, but there’s also a sense of empowerment and freedom from expectations and society. She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life. There’s a way of caring after others that can be selfish, not unlike Marcille being overly coddling and not listening to Falin. In Falin’s case, I think it was so selfless that it ended up looping back around to erasing her sense of self. In losing sight of herself, that devotion becoming neither quite selfish or selfless but a fact of life and a state of nature, muddled by its lack of direction.

She’s sooo used to never being able to ask things out of others, you get the crumbs of affection and approval that others offer to you unprompted and that’s it don’t hope for more don’t ask for more. (Also reflected in how she follows her loved ones around without complain or personal opinions and how she’s not willing to rock the boat and affirm herself in her relationships like with Marcille during canon)

Falin cares so much, so much and so laser focused on her few loved ones that it blinds her and she loses sight of everything else, she ends up neglecting herself and the rest of the world. As Kui puts it, Falin is herself first and foremost. She just had to remember the importance of that.

-

I see her as an enneagram 9, which can be surprisingly accurate and fun to research through the lense of Falin. Excerpt below from this book, but like my god, good way to put it

That’s it, ty for reading. Even if it’s a bit of a mess, hopefully you’ll have gained a thing or two from it. Falin is a character hard to pin down, but it is very gratifying when you find the way that the puzzle pieces fit together right for your own understanding of the story. Fantranslation of the shuro proposal comic by @/thatsmimi here.

Here’s my spotify playlist for her if you’d like

Sometimes love is about letting go, a lesson a lot of the cast needed to learn. Self-love’s important too, and just like with diets we need a healthy balance.

[cheekinpermission]

I wanna talk about the scene in the museum with Azul...

(SPOILERS FOR BOOK 3 AHEAD. ALSO LOTS OF RAMBLING! :D)

During Ch. 38 of Book 3, Azul and Yuu have a short conversation post-overblot in the underwater museum place. I always felt that this bit of dialogue was weirdly charged? The whole scene felt very intimate to me (and the soft music in the background doesn't help lmao), but I never knew WHY since nothing said was inherently romantic.

So, I went back and re-read through every post-overblot and realized that Azul is the only who who has a one-on-one conversation with Yuu after their overblot??

It's rare enough to have one-on-one conversations between Yuu and another character, but then Azul goes a step further. He's the only one to open up to Yuu about his problems:

Some of the other overblot boys talk about their problems, but not to Yuu specifically. It's more of a declaration than confiding in someone, you know? (E.g. Riddle talking about how he prefers milk tea even though the rules stipulate lemon tea)

We, the players, are shown flashbacks of the overblot boys to explain how they reached this point but I can't recall if Yuu is privy to this information as well. (It's theoretically possible since Yuu already has visions / dreams of the Great Seven, but no one ever mentions it so who knows. I'm personally on the side of Yuu NOT knowing because it feels a bit invasive that they'd have this knowledge of people who weren't ready to share it.)

Regardless of whether Yuu can or cannot see those flashbacks, Azul is the only one to willingly talk about his motivations to Yuu. For Azul, this is especially important as he's so protective of his image as a clever and upstanding housewarden, and yet here he openly admits to Yuu that he was a bit of a loser as a kid (his words not mine!).

I guess you could argue that he felt there was no reason to hide it anymore since Yuu already saw him as a chubby octopus baby, but he didn't have to talk about it at all if he didn't want to. But he did. On his own. With no prompting. (Really, though. Yuu can either say they want to make sure he puts the photo back or that they're worried about him, and either way he drops his lore on them lol) And then Yuu tries to help him feel better??

To my knowledge, Yuu doesn't do this with any of the other overblot boys, either. I could have missed it during my research, but if they did it wasn't nearly to the same extent as with Azul.

I still don't know why Azul felt like opening up to Yuu. He didn't have to, but maybe he wanted to? Maybe he wanted to try his hand at being genuine for once and felt Yuu was the least intimidating person to do it with (the magicless human that they are). Who knows? I wish there were more scenes like this. It makes Yuu feel more included in the story. I also think it shows a lot of growth on Azul's end to open up about his problems to Yuu of his own volition.

I'm not sure what I wanted to say with this post, only that I wanted to get my thoughts out there about this scene because it always stood out to me. I felt there was always an undercurrent of something and I think it's because this was the only post-overblot private conversation we got with Yuu and an overblot boy, plus the added encouragement from Yuu at the end.

I'm curious to know if anyone felt the same way about this scene or if I'm just imagining things. I'm also interested in hearing any theories why Azul suddenly felt the urge to open up to Yuu, if you've got them!

Thanks for enduring my rambling!

Bonus!

Azul's so funny for trying to play it off all cool like he isn't doing flips and princess twirls in his head rn. Yuu laid it on THICK. We all know he's freaking out internally.

[swansworth]

The Handsome Stranger

Rhysand x Priestess!Reader

Summary: You had fallen for the High Lord, it was inevitable. However, he was clearly in love with another, and now he had come to ask you the one question you had dreaded to hear. 

Warnings: brief mention of abuse, mild angst with a happy ending, a big misunderstanding, believed-to-be unrequited feelings, friends-to-lovers

Word Count: 3079

Author Notes: This was inspired by one of my favorite television series, The Vicar of Dibley. The show is much more comedic than this story is, but it still helped me formulate this. The story title is borrowed from the episode that inspired this. Some of the dialogue towards the end is as well, and some of it has been re-worded to fit ACOTAR more seamlessly. Special thanks to @azsazz​ for encouraging me to write this. 

Not many ventured to the temple, too afraid of what peace they would disturb. It was a benefit in your mind; it meant that you could read and take care of your daily duties without anyone bothering you. Usually your days were spent in a comfortable quiet, though it appeared today would not be such a day. 

“Hello?” A voice like velvet asked, causing you to sigh. You had just sat down to start the next chapter in the book you’d been reading and had really hoped to avoid dealing with anyone. You closed your book and moved to the sanctuary, doing your best to smile and give off an air of warmth and kindness. The smile on your face faltered when you noticed a beautiful fae standing before the altar, his blue-black hair tousled and his eyes closed in what appeared to be prayer. 

Part of you wondered whether you should leave him to his privacy but then he asked, “Are you one of the priestesses here?” He’d noticed you. You opened your mouth to respond then abruptly shut it when his eyes opened and orbs that were almost violet in color met yours. “Well?” 

His tone implied that he was annoyed and you wondered whether it was really worth your time to get involved with him. Unfortunately, it was your duty as a priestess to aid any who came to the temple asking for assistance. “Yes I am,” you answered at last, “Was there something I could help you with?” 

“We’ll see.” Oh, you did not like the arrogance that rolled off of this male. The two of you stared at one another in an unspoken challenge to see who would speak next. “Shall I get to the point?”

“If you’d like me to assist you, I think that would be wise.” A look of amusement flickered across his handsome face and you did your best to keep your own expression neutral as he continued to stare at you. 

“You’re very direct.” His statement left you unsure; was it meant to be an insult or a compliment? Regardless, you still held his gaze, waiting for him to state his reason for being at the temple in the first place. The silence stretched on, but you refused to be the first to break it. 

Stubborn too, I see. I could use that.  

The stranger’s voice crawled its way through your mind and your eyes widened. How had he done that? All at once you felt a stab of fear. He was a daemati; he could tear your mind apart with ease if you weren’t careful. 

Clever girl.  

It was almost taunting you, the voice, but you held firm, kept your gaze fixed on the handsome stranger. There was only one being in the Night Court who this could possibly be, and though you knew decorum instructed you to at least bow your head, you did no such thing. “Lord Rhysand,” you said, “What did you need assistance with?” 

“So it’s lord now is it?” He sounded almost amused and your shoulders sagged in relief as his expression softened. “I have a friend in need of sanctuary. They were badly hurt by their former lover and have nowhere to go. I would offer them a room with me, but they were adamant that they did not want my assistance.” 

There were rooms in the temple for requests such as these; cozy, private chambers that offered a sense of safety and peace while the people residing in them healed. The smallest room was unoccupied and had a fresh change of linens on the bed. “We have a room they could stay in for a time, if you feel they would be open to that.” 

Rhysand’s answering smiling was blinding and left you feeling almost breathless. He truly was incredibly handsome. No wonder all the other priestesses swooned whenever his name was mentioned. “I’ll bring them here at once. Thank you, priestess.” 

You gave your name and watched as that smile grew impossibly brighter. He repeated it back to you and your heart pounded in your chest at the way your name fell from his lips. It was almost a purr, soft and sensual. ‘Mother preserve me.’ It was a thought that you had often, a silent mental prayer in an effort to keep yourself calm. Rhysand’s smile turned into an amused grin as he turned to take his leave and you knew that he had heard it. Blasted daemati. 

═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:·.*═══

You had believed that once Rhysand’s friend had settled, the High Lord would go back to his daily duties, whatever those were. Oh, how mistaken you were.

Rhys’s presence was a constant, nearly daily, thing.

At first, it had been to ensure that his friend truly was comfortable and safe. You couldn’t help but admire that unwavering loyalty. There were many stories and rumors about Rhysand, but the gentle smile he wore when he spoke to his comrade made you wonder how much truth lay within them.

It turned, quicker than you could have anticipated, into social visits. He came less and less for his friend and more and more for you. In the course of a few months, the two of you had formed a budding friendship and you could admit that the smile that tugged at your lips whenever he entered the temple was genuine and warm, full of the growing affection you held for him.

You hoped that the affectionate look you saw in his eyes was just as sincere.

Part of you also hoped that what you interpreted as flirtation truly was. You couldn’t speak for Rhysand, but you knew that your feelings for him had shifted to romantic rather than platonic. It was foolish, you knew, to hope that the High Lord of the Night Court would fall for a priestess such as yourself. And yet your heart raced wildly each time he stepped into the sanctuary, looked at you with those intense violet eyes, and asked with a grin, “Miss me, darling?”

“Always,” you replied easily.

As his arm slipped around your waist, pulling you close so he could converse with you about everything and anything, you sighed in content. In those moments, everything was perfect and right with the world.

That perfection ended when you saw Rhysand walking arm-in-arm with a beautiful, blonde, high fae.

You didn’t leave the temple often, but you had learned that it was Rhys’s birthday in a few weeks and you were out looking for materials to make him something. As a High Lord, you suspected that there wasn’t much you could buy him that he would need or want, and truthfully, you didn’t have much money to buy gifts with. So, you had settled on making him a token; something small he could keep with him for luck and protection. That was when you saw them.

The blonde with him was as beautiful as the goddess that you served. Grace rolled off of her in waves and you felt your knees tremble at the sight of her. She had eyes that reminded you of honey, a deep rich amber that was warm, but still intense. Everything about her was perfection; she was exactly the sort of fae someone of Rhys’s standing would be expected to be with. Your heart sank. You had always known it was foolish to hope and dream, but secluded in your temple, it was easy to imagine. Facing reality, seeing how you paled in comparison, hurt more than you would have ever thought possible.

“You’re a moron, Rhys. It’s a good thing I like you so much,” the blonde teased.

“Thanks Mor, I love you too.” Rhys laughed as he spoke and you watched as the blonde playfully jabbed him in the side with her elbow. You slipped away then, not able to see or hear anymore.

He was a High Lord. You were a priestess. It had been nothing more than a dream, and the dawn had finally come.

═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:·.*═══

“Hello?” An all too familiar voice called out from the sanctuary. You cussed under your breath at the sound of it. Seeing Rhysand again was inevitable but you had hoped that you’d have more time to process and heal before having to engage with him. Though you had tried to fight it, you had fallen helplessly in love with him. Each smile, each gentle touch and warm utterance of your name had bewitched you. Seeing Rhysand meant facing your heartbreak head-on, and you weren’t sure you were ready for that. 

You heard him call your name and swallowed. There was no way you would be able to avoid him forever and perhaps dealing with the issue now would be wiser. Yes, putting it off wouldn’t solve anything. You took a deep breath, lifted your head and headed out into the sanctuary. 

“Lord Rhysand, how are you?” How you had managed to form words when he was standing there looking as handsome as he had the day you met, you had no idea. 

“So it’s lord now, is it?” You didn’t meet his gaze even though you could feel the weight of his on your face, trying to make out your expression. There was a faint poking at your mind, but you kept your walls in place. If he saw the swirling emotions warring within you he would certainly reject you entirely. Rejection would be worse than ignorance. 

“I suppose I may as well come straight out with it?” He formed it as a question, encouraging you to answer him. You turned your head to look at him and gave him a nod, a silent urgence to continue. His brow creased in what almost looked like worry. “I’ve thought about it quite a lot, talked about it a lot. And I came here to ask you a rather important question.” 

“Well, go on then,” you said. 

“Perhaps, we could find somewhere a bit more secluded? I hadn’t intended on asking you in the middle of the sanctuary.” 

“I don’t see why here isn’t as good a place as any.” You could have sworn that you saw his eye twitch as he stared at you. His hands clenched and unclenched by his sides and you could tell that he was trying to stay calm. He let out a breath and refocused his gaze on your face. 

“Will you marry me?” Damn. You had suspected that he and the mysterious blonde — Morrigan you learned her name was — were close, intimate even, but you hadn’t realized how close. It was your duty, as a priestess, to assist in mating and marriage ceremonies, you had officiated nearly a hundred. This, however, was one ceremony you were uncertain of. 

You stared up at Rhysand, looked deep into his violet eyes and saw the almost pleading expression hidden in their depths. He looked hopeful and eager and you knew that no matter how much it would hurt you to do as he asked, you would. You would because you loved him and his happiness was ultimately what you wished for him, more than anything. With a sigh you replied, “Well, yes of course. I’d be delighted to.” 

The smile that broke out across Rhysand’s face was so radiant that you felt as if you were staring directly at the sun. ‘If only I could make him so happy.’ The thought flickered through your mind and you did your best to squash it down. “That’s wonderful news!” He took a step toward you as if to hug you and you stepped back. No, you couldn’t. You would melt against him as you always did and it would be harder to maintain the professionalism the situation required. 

“Have you thought of any dates?” You asked as casually as you could, though a hint of annoyance found its way into your tone. 

“Don’t you think we should discuss that?” 

“Very well. I would suggest a time near Starfall. That’s always a romantic time of year.” If you were to ever marry, that would be the time of year you’d want your ceremony to fall on. It was cooler, the nights longer, but the stars shone clearer and on some nights looked as if they were close enough to reach. “Though, I would have to check the temple diary to be sure we can hold the ceremony at that time.” 

You moved to the adjoining room, where a few small tables and bookshelves remained for the priestesses to use. The temple diary was an easy enough book to find. Once you had retrieved it, you flicked through the pages to the calendar. Sure enough there was an opening two days before Starfall. You relayed the information to Rhysand who nodded and said, “That’s perfect.”

“Excellent! I’ll jot it down then. Listen, while you’re here, we should probably start getting some of the other forms done. Save some time.” You wrote the date down before standing to find a large pile of documents on the corner of one of the tables. The temple really needed a better organization system, but that was a problem for another day. The first part of the form needed Rhysand’s name, which you wrote . The next…

“All right, what is the name of the lucky lady in question?” 

At that, Rhysand looked visibly confused. “Rhysand, you shouldn’t marry someone if you don’t know their name. I feel that goes without saying.” 

Rhysand’s voice sounded mildly worried as he replied with your name. You paused in your writing and looked up at him. “Pardon?”

“It’s you. I’m asking you to marry me.” 

The silence was deafening. You stared, eyes wide in disbelief. “Are you out of your senses?”

Rhysand’s visible confusion deepened. “I feel Amren would say I am. She thinks it’s too soon; though I find in affairs of the heart, she’s not always the best being to turn to.”

“I might agree with her! What about that other female you’ve been spending so much time with? Morrigan, the gorgeous blonde one! What about her?” 

Frustration rose within you. Was this some kind of joke to him? He charmed his way into your life and then started spending all his time with Morrigan, and now he was asking for your hand in marriage? You opened your mouth to add your own two-cents regarding his judgment, but were rendered speechless by Rhysand’s reply. “You mean my cousin?”

All at once you felt all the confusion and anger of the last few weeks coming bubbling up to the surface and you shouted, “What?!”

“She’s one of my closest friends; I consult her about nearly everything.”  He still looked confused, but you found you didn’t really care. In that moment, you needed clarity. 

“What?” 

“We’ve been walking Valeris together trying to decide if it was too rash or too soon or, perhaps, too stupid. But, I finally decided I must follow my heart. And my heart is saying that you are the being I wish to spend eternity with, the being that I am destined to be with until death comes and claims me.” 

There was a look of burning passion, strong and intense adoration, in his eyes and your heart began to beat wildly in your chest at the sight of it. Oh. He loved you. Gods, you felt so foolish, but how could you have known. His words from before, his proposal, flashed in your mind again and when you opened your mouth to speak, to say that you felt the same, all that came out was a garbled noise. 

Both you and Rhysand looked surprised by the sound and you tried, once again in vain, to say what was on your mind. The noise was worse the second time. "Will you excuse me?" It was asked with some effort, but you managed. You didn't wait for him to answer and instead hurried off to the secluded meditation room around the corner. Once there you took a series of steadying breaths, trying desperately to calm your racing heart and wrap your head around the truth Rhysand had just shared with you. 

It all seemed almost too good to be true. Rhysand, the High Lord, wanted to marry you? You had hoped he loved you to that extent, and would gladly say yes if he meant it. The whole situation felt like a fantasy, like a scene from those books you used to read as a child where the handsome prince would save the princess and they'd live happily ever after. Could such a thing happen in real life? You inhaled and exhaled twice more and then moved back to the sanctuary where Rhysand waited, a nervous look on his handsome face. 

"Let me be sure I've got this absolutely right," you said as you approached, "You are asking me to marry you."

“Yes.”

That ungodly sound worked its way out of your mouth once more and Rhys’s lips quirked into an amused smile. His arms, so strong and warm, wrapped around your middle and pulled you to him. One of his hands slid up your spine to the back of your head before entwining in your hair. 

“I have loved you from the very moment I laid eyes on you. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are meant to be together.” His breath was warm against your face as he tilted his head down and leaned forward. “Marry me, darling?”

You didn’t hesitate, your answer required no consideration. You leaned up, closing the little distance between the two of you, and your lips dragged against his as you replied, “Yes.” 

There was a heat to the kiss. It was as if the dams you’d both built to preserve your emotions had crumbled and the flood of your love and adoration for one another had rushed forward. There was so much to think about and plan for. It wouldn’t be easy figuring out your place within his court and what his expectations would be; and you’d have to address your own for him. All of that would come, all of that could wait. In that moment, all that mattered was the feeling of Rhysand’s warm body pressed against you as he held you close, sipped kisses from your lips, and vowed to love you, and only you, until the end of time. 

[rwrbmovie]

re: rwrb emmy noms odds

Yesterday, I replied to an ask about rwrb's odds for emmy noms, and I like numbers and was procrastinating had time today to dig deeper into this. I wanted to see our odds for the Emmy noms compared to the Golden Globes (which rwrb didn't get).

Before reading this post, I encourage you to check out the linked reply above first (it's a quick read).

NOTE: This is all using data from Gold Derby. Again, anyone can just create an account and do their own predictions, but it’s still the main website for predictions, including votes from experts. Emmys noms campaigning season have just started, these are very early predictions, so these odds can change dramatically from now to early June. Some shows that are eligible are yet to air, however are expected for nominations. The data I include in this post are as of April 6. I might revisit their odds once all predictions are locked in, so we can track any changes.

Quick explainer for Gold Derby: - There are 5 types of users on Gold Derby: experts, editors, top 24 users (users who had the best scores last year), all-star top 24 (users who had the best scores over the past two years), and the rest of the users on the website - When I say total rankings, it means the combined votes from everyone Total accuracy for the Golden Globes predictions: - TV Limited Series/Movie - 83.33% - TV Limited/Movie Actor - 63.67% Links: Golden Globes | Emmys

Previously, some predicted a Golden Globes nom for RWRB (which it didn’t get), but RWRB/Prime did not campaign for that. The SAG-Aftra strike ended on Nov 9th, and the deadline for Television nomination ballots to be sent to all voters was on the 20th. Now with the strike over, Prime seems to be actively pushing for the Emmy noms, and I think we can expect some more content asides from The Awardist podcast with Nick and Taylor. There is a higher chance of an Emmy nom as Limited Series and TV Movies have separate categories.

As of now, RWRB sits at #4 (out of 15) on Gold Derby’s total rankings, and there are slots for 5 nominees. If filtered to just the experts’ votes, it actually climbs to #3.

For the Golden Globes, RWRB was ranked #13/41 (all votes from users, no experts/editors). For this category, Gold Derby had an 83.33% accuracy.

ACTING NOMS:

EMMYS

From the votes from experts and editors, only one editor voted for a nomination for Taylor, and none for Nick. The one vote puts Taylor at a tie with Austin Butler and Aaron Pierre.

However on the total rankings table, Taylor and Nick ranked #17 and #26, respectively (with Nick for Mary & George at #18).

GOLDEN GLOBES

Similarly to the Emmys, Taylor had one vote from an editor, but he placed higher on the table at #9 (tied with Joe Cole). Again, no votes for either from experts.

On the total rankings table, Taylor and Nick placed at #13 and #14, respectively.

Uma Thurman also has votes in the total rankings for both the Emmys and Golden Globes.

Emmys

Golden Globes

The Emmys TV Movie/Limited Series Lead Actor category is so stacked that the boys and Uma had higher chances at the Golden Globes. Again, remember these are very early predictions, so changes to these odds are expected.

[be-better-then-yesterday-you]

Writing Challange

For?: Anyone, but really I think it would be a pretty interesting study to have “anti-shippers” of the couples in question, to write these scenes.

Prompt: Re-write cannon scenes of popular “completely straight” gay ships that “fans created” and writers/showrunners/actors never encouraged or used as “queerbate”, as heterosexual relationships using the exact same actions and words and emotions as the original scenes.

Why?: I think it would be interesting to see just how many people would still see that particular couple the same way and how many would discover they actually do just have an aversion to gay ships.

I think that alot of people see the word “queerbaiting” and dont fully understand it. They take it like “oh they’re angry coz they didnt get their way, and they just want to make everything gay” … that is so completely not what it is.

Its understandable in a sense that the term queerbaiting isnt fully understood by all because theres no such thing as “straight-baiting” in television and movies. Its the actual complete opposite … when its a male/female relationship, its called a “slow-burn”, inferring that it will eventually become something. Its called “taking advantage of the actors chemistry” and while it is talked about and hinted at as a “will they/ wont they” its never actually in question because the majority of the time, chemistry reads are done between these actors for the specific reason of knowing “will this sell?” But when it comes to queerships, once upon a time they happened by accident. Actors were brought in with a different storyline and then something showed up on screen that wasnt intended and through that they discovered that there was this entire massive subset of fans who were not being acknowledged in life or on television … so they did exactly what they did with their straight relationships. They took advantage. They teased and hinted and wrote things that had they been a “usual” couple, would eventually lead to “endgame”. They encouraged the will they wont they of it all. Took advantage of that chemistry. The only difference? They never intended to give their fanbase that eventual outcome. They straddled the line of keep them invested but never encourage. And now? Now it seems that its become a requirement for shows, to have that one relationship that is strictly-straight friends, “which is so much more special then romantic love sometimes”… but they will still play off of it and benefit from merchandise and views and hashtags and everything that brings in a dollar from fans who are only looking for exactly what they’re calling it … “every kind of love” …. Why cant two women have a healthy faithful relationship? Why cant two men who are best friends, ALSO fall in love with each other? Why cant a character who has only ever identified as “straight” grow and realize that they’re bi or pan or gay? And why cant two people be both best friends and queer but also find love with other people? Why cant a queer man and a straight man have a healthy loving friendship that doesn’t have to end horribly? A big part of it is because of those words! Words that for so long have been used as homophobic slurs and still today in Twenty-freaking-twenty-four are used with hate instead of what they actually ARE which is how people identify how they LOVE . Words that the LGBTQIA+ community have taken back and fight every day to redefine with love and Pride and positivity, but that the “ entertainment industry” still shy away from due to a history of hate-filled, un-informed homophobia. An instilled fear that if they step over that line, then it will all fall apart. That the villagers will come with their torches and pitchforks and storm the castle so to speak. So they stay just this side of “not too far” and spout the company line. “I think its really important that we show every kind of love” but never actually doing that. Because the other company line is “who else can we exploit for a dollar?”. And its not new. The entertainment industry has always used queer people to their advantage. Once upon a time it was for the “hilarity” of a man or woman dressing in drag to get away with some scheme. Or it was about gay bashing and feeding into hate and fear by showcasing what a horrible insult it is to be called gay or how dangerous it is to be out. How sexy it is for two women to be together - but only to turn on the straight male lead. Now its become something along the lines of a joke again, but now the joke is “we know what we’re doing and we’re going to keep doing it because we’re profiting off of it, off of you.”

Queerbaiting isnt us seeing something unintentional or not there. Queerbaiting is this: if the same scene can be rewritten the same way but as female/male, and you can suddenly see it as romantic, its because the relationship is queer coded, to pull in specific fans.

Scripts are not just dialog on a page. While actors are sometimes given leeway, they are given a script telling them how to portray the words on the page. How to move, speak, emote. A director films this, re-sets films again multiple times until what is written comes across on camera the way it was meant to. This is all then edited even further to make things even more impactful and entertaining. It is then viewed and approved and only then shown to these “delusional fans.” This is all done knowing what reaction they will get from it. There are people who actually have the job of encouraging these ships. Of finding more ways to profit off of something that somebody else is in charge of disproving to fans by calling it unintentional. It is an industry, a business, nothing is unintentional. That is queerbaiting.

Challenge: Just change one thing. One characters gender, thats all.

Go ahead and give it a try. Im honestly curious as to the outcome.

Also add some ships that you think apply in the tags!!

[ca-suffit]

"The thing about the racism discourse about this is that, once more, it dismisses the book canon."

jfc that is rly a choice of a sentence there.

And the effort the show took already to not make Louis a petty liar, who ranted about his ex. In-universe, mind you.

The meta analysis here especially re the white guy speaking the truth is valid and of course it can be and should be discussed.

But it doesn’t change the fact imho that the show ALREADY added so much NUANCE to avoid that, with the racial recasts (now canon) trap.

This show doesn't exist in a vacuum. Nalyra and Virginia and whoever else who have been popular book ppl have kept sweeping race off to the side and been directly responsible for feeding this fandom's racism bcuz of it. They are responsible, with others, for creating an attitude that anyone who talks about race isn't a real fan, is illiterate and didn't read the books, and v specifically targeting black fans. "That subset" was used in place of a racial slur by them for a *long* time. They only stopped doing this as much once this account showed up and they couldn't rely on this phantom boogeyman story anymore. The fandom PSAs have stopped too.

A lot of the show's commentary about race is not understood by white audiences. If ur going to be in the AMC fandom and tie the books and show together, u need to engage with race. U cannot tell ppl, especially with the feedback on this that I *know* they both got, that u can ignore things about the show or the fandom bcuz of "the book canon." If u label talk about racism as "fandom wank" and say shit like what's up above, it's v intentional racism. especially after years of being here.

The fandom is going to come to these characters with all the racial biases they hold IRL. If you're not doing something to make ppl think about that then u don't need to be the one talking about it. Saying the show has everything racial handled (so everyone's just seeking a reason to cause "discourse" if we speak more about it) and scoffing at the idea that "the books" don't actually work as a blanket excuse for a lot of what ppl are rly talking about here is just fucking intellectually lazy (and racist!!!!!)

Ppl don't call out racism for fun. Nobody comes to fandoms to do this shit and have to confront ppl like this and risk all the abuse and denial that comes with it. When ppl do it anyway, and especially when it's a LOT of ppl? that's when u listen and stop doubling down. that's when u DON'T call it fucking "discourse" or "wank." U take it seriously, u look at urself, u make changes. u fucking grow up.

Do not doubt that this part of the fandom is racist bcuz this is all v fucking intentional and it has been for a longgggggggggggg time. I said it before in an older post but this fake "nice" voice they all have and this vague acceptance of topics (lestat is flawed, the fandom's racism discussions are good, every other month maybe reblogging some post about race / racism in the show) is all manipulation. If they gave a fuck about not being racists and encouraging racism within the fandom they would not say shit like that big quote up there ^ what the FUCK is that.

[brooklynbear32]

I'm only going to say this once: pregnancy speculation is gross and I will not be part of it.

I hope more than anything that Alba (and her loved ones) stay far away from tumblr and the absolutely horrific things people say on here. But my objection to pregnancy speculation is not just that Alba may see it; it's that speculating about ANYONE'S pregnancy is wrong, and you should not be doing it here or anywhere else.

I always wanted to be a mom. There are pics of me as a little kid holding babies and just fucking beaming. I babysat when I was a teenager. I studied child development in university. And then, not long after I got married, I received a new medical diagnosis. The doctor told me I was going to have trouble conceiving naturally and would likely need fertility treatment.

This was, of course, devastating to me. I started a new medication, which made me gain twenty pounds. My (very well-meaning friends and family) started asking me if I had "any news to share."

It was one of the worst times of my life, but then, nobody was more surprised than I was when we found out I was pregnant, almost exactly a year after that (mistaken) diagnosis. I was terrified that I would miscarry, so I didn't tell anyone for the longest time. Luckily, it all worked out, and Kiddo #1 is now five years old.

I have friends that have had to do years of fertility treatments. Several have their miracle baby now, but others are still desperately hoping. I have friends who have suffered miscarriages, including one who hemoraged so badly that she nearly died.

Does pregnancy spec trigger me personally? No, not at all, but I have two delightful goblin children running around my house right now. I'm sure there are plenty of people on here for whom preg spec has an emotional impact, and I want to wrap my arms around them and shield them from this bullshit.

I'm not even going to get into the body-shaming that tends to go along with pregnancy speculation, because that's disgustingly prevalent in this space even when discussing things unrelated to pregnancy and I just don't have the time to deal with that today.

We know "Chris does want to be a daddy" and I'm sure that for some people, speculating about Alba being pregnant just amounts to hoping that Chris gets something he has talked about for a long time. We want him to get to be a dad! He'll be an amazing dad! I also imagine that there are people on here that would absolutely love to be knocked up by Chris and there's some living vicariously going on.

Read some fic instead, have whatever horny thoughts you want, and leave the real people out of it. I'm a bigger supporter of RPF (obviously) as long as a) it is never shared with the people it depicts, and b) both readers and writers keep it very clearly in mind that the F in RPF means fiction.

With the way that C&A have been treated on social media and the way they have both withdrawn from it, I will genuinely be surprised if we get much content at all about potential pregnancies or children. A small group of hateful people have ruined this for everyone.

We didn't get to find out about the engagement until after they were already married. If I had to make a prediction, I would say that all we will get re pregnancy/kids is some kind of confirmation in the press to the effect of "Reps for C&A have confirmed they welcomed their first child in [Month, Year]." If you have kids you know (and if you don't have kids, you can likely imagine) that nothing is more important to you than keeping them safe.

Unless or until there is an official statement announcing that Alba is pregnant/gave birth, I will not be talking about it at all on here again. If I get any asks, I'll just repeat: pregnancy speculation is gross and wrong. I encourage you all to do the same.

[brighteyedbushybrowed]

Your writing is so wonderful! I love it so much 💕 If and only if you are feeling up to it, could you do headcanons for the Papas and how they would react to a reader struggling with finding the right antidepressants? I went through four different brands until I found what worked for me. But one made it so bad I would cry getting out of bed each morning, and of course I was too scared to talk to my doctor before my follow up appointment. So I barely left my room for nearly three months.

HI HELLO <3 I can definitely do this! As someone who had to change my antidepressants partway through my first year of university and having a nightmare getting used to them, I feel this to an extent. At one point the original ones I were on had me sleeping so little that I'd be struggling to focus and stay awake during lectures which kinda showed in my lower grades in one module compared to all the others. I cried a lot, my appetite was shite, and I was so experiencing such low points that I considered dropping out and not existing anymore. For anyone reading this and needs to hear this: don't be afraid to talk to your doctor about your medication. If you need to change what you're on, don't keep it to yourself and suffer. Please please PLEASE talk to a doctor, be open with your support network, don't go through it on your own. Mental health and changing medications can feel scary and daunting, but if it's what you need to improve your mental health and your wellbeing then please talk to your doctor and get them to try you out on different ones until you find the ones that are right for you. Also issuing a content warning here!! There is discussion of depression, mental health, and related issues. As such, if these things are triggers or make you uncomfortable please read with caution or scroll away!

𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐨

Being the eldest of the Emeritus brothers, Primo remembers before their mother left when the others were still babies and her mental health being awful

And he doesn't want you to suffer the way she did

So to him it's only right that he support you in finding the right antidepressants for you

He knows that it can time and that you may feel worse before you start to improve

He'll be there to comfort you any time you need him

Always makes you a refreshing cup of tea or coffee for you to wake up to every morning

Will gently coax you out of bed and encourage you, but he won't be mean and force you out or lose his patience

During times where you won't leave your room, he'll offer to stay with you or have one of his ghouls keep you company if you'd prefer that. He just doesn't want you to be alone or feel like you don't have a support network while you're going through this

𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐨

He's not on antidepressants, but there are many people Secondo's close with in the clergy who are and he's seen how much they can improve one's life

So he's more than happy to help you explore your options and trial different ones until you find the ones that suit you the most

He's a little unprepared for what you're like when you first start them. Primo has to remind him that because of how a lot of antidepressants work, such as SSRI's (self serotonin re-uptake inhibitors), you'll feel more low at the start before you get used to the medication

Once Secondo does more research, he feels more confident that he can support you through it

Will be a little more firm than Primo and try to get you out of bed, but will comfort you through it and soothe you when you start crying

Will get in the shower with you to help you wash if you don't have the energy for it

He's at every doctor's appointment you have with your doctor about changing the antidepressants you're on. Holds your hand through it, has helped you take notes, asks the doctor questions that you may be too afraid or reluctant to ask

Once you do find ones that suit you the best and you're settled with them, Secondo will apologise profusely for when he was stern with you. He feels guilty for making you cry when he made you get up every morning and he wants to reassure you that he was trying to help in his own way

𝐓𝐞𝐫𝐳𝐨

Terzo has been through a similar experience with Copia when he first started antidepressants and struggled to find the right ones for him

So trust me, he gets it

He understands very well that you don't have the energy or motivation to get out of bed and take care of yourself and he's prepared for that, especially when he knows that you'll feel worse before you feel better starting on new medications

He buys dry shampoo for when you don't have the spoons to get in the shower

Will help you wash and get dressed

Brings you food. Literally any food as long as you'll eat it and get some nutrition

Sits with you and holds you every time you need to cry or vent or talk

He reassures you each time you need to start a new antidepressant that you will find the right one for you. Copia did and you will too and he's gonna be with you every step of the way whether you like it or not

𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐚

I don't think there's anyone at the Ministry who understands what you're going through better than Copia

Terzo helped him through when he had to try antidepressant after antidepressant, feeling each time he had to change that there was something wrong with him and that nothing would work

So Copia is going to be there for you too. He'll tell you all about his experience with different medications, but also reminds you that just because something doesn't work for him doesn't mean it won't work for you either

Holds you tight and whispers soothing words into your ear whenever you need to cry

He still has his notes from way back when he was trying out different antidepressants, so he fishes them back out from his personal records and shares them with you to remind you that you're not alone and that you're not the only one who's had to change medications

Like Terzo, he'll bring you dry shampoo and help you to wash and dress on those days where it feels like too much but you need to get out of bed

Uses Imperator's soft spot for him to have you pardoned from chores and sibling of sin duties on days where you have no energy or motivation to get up whatsoever

To help you through it, he'll change what time he takes his meds so that you both take them at the same time. Sort of like a solidarity thing and to encourage you to look after yourself by seeing him look after himself too

𝐍𝐢𝐡𝐢𝐥

The thing about Nihil is people believe he's heartless, but he's not

He remembers everything his Prime Mover went through. He remembers how much her mental health deteriorated after having Secondo and Terzo and how the ritual to conceive and birth the latter took a massive toll on her already bad mental state

He wasn't there for her, instead preoccupying himself with the distraction that other women provided, and he buried his head in the sand until she fled the Ministry never to be seen again

That isn't a mistake he'll be making again. He's going to be with you every step of the way, even if Primo and his other sons have to teach him how to be there for you and remind him that you need his support and not just words of reassurance occasionally

He'll attend your appointments with you and will listen intently to everything that you and the doctor says

He is unfortunately quite stern and mean and will be very stubborn in getting you out of bed. He's not doing it to be intentionally cruel, he's just terrified that you'll get to the point his Prime Mover did and he'll do anything he can to stop that happening

He has his ghouls help you wash your hair, bathe, dress, prepare and eat food, bring you drinks, whatever you need

He takes a leaf out of Copia's book and will take his own various medications at the same time you take yours so that you're not doing it alone and you don't feel like you have no support. He's bad at expressing his feelings, but he tries to show you how he feels and that he's supporting you all the way with actions rather than words

[aquadestinyswriting]

'Shipping thoughts

tagging: @druidx, @sparrow-orion-writes , @blind-the-winds because I know you guys live for this drama.

Edit: tagging in @philosophika as well

I've been re-reading through the writing I've done for 'The Wizard's Tale' and have been listening to the playlist I made for it. Gods damn I am obsessed with Edwin's pining after Selene. The man could not be more obvious if he tried. And yet. Because Selene is the most AroAce person in the existence of Titan, she is (seemingly) totally oblivious to all of it.

Even when she has Chrackle dropping hints in her head pretty much from the minute Edwin arrives in Toreguarde, somehow Selene insists that he's just making up for not being in regular contact for almost ten years.

Slightly spoilery stuff under the cut

I mean, I know Selene has a lot on her plate by that point. She's just had to watch her niece fight off one evil dark wizard and his army and has just sent her off to go deal with a problem that Selene feels she should be dealing with personally. Not to mention the fact that Toreguarde could be going to actual war with Fangthane at any minute. But in all honesty? I think by that point, it's become wilful ignorance. Or just a stubborn refusal to acknowledge her own feelings on the matter.

I mean, think about it. Schreiber has been doing everything in his power to 'gently encourage' those remaining Heroes of Toreguarde to leave the city.* Selene has been trying to fight him on this, but can't get rid of him herself. Egrim, who was a far more passive man when it came to getting involved in the politics of Toreguarde, has just been replaced by Edwin. A man that is much more proactive and willing to speak his mind. Selene knows that Schreiber is likely to become pretty damn dangerous if he feels cornered. If Schreiber were to find out that the new Abouna of Galana and the Grand Magus had feelings for one another, then, oh boy, he is definitely going to use that against both of them.

Best case if that happened? Both Edwin and Selene are forced to leave Toreguarde without permission (thereby breaking the Edict) and leave it defenceless while Schreiber works to put his preferred people in charge of the wizard's tower. Worst case? Schreiber arranges to have one or both of them killed, most likely by members of the Cabal so that he doesn't have to get his own hands dirty. Then Schreiber puts his preferred people in charge of the wizard's tower. Either way, Toreguarde is done for.

So Selene does the only thing she thinks is sensible: pretends that she doesn't notice Edwin being a very persistent lost little puppy around her and stamps down her own burgeoning feelings for him because, of course, he's the last friend she has and he needs protecting at all costs. Besides, surely anyone would feel the same about their closest friends, right? (she's so aro, she doesn't even realise that what's she's feeling is romantic love, even when Chrackle is basically spelling it out for her in every last way he can. The poor bird has the patience of a bloody saint for having to deal with that. I'm surprised he doesn't go insane, honestly).

It does not help that Edwin refuses to actually, you know, tell Selene that he's caught feelings for her at any point throughout all of this. Probably because he's just as painfully aware that doing so could put them both in jeopardy. Not to mention the crushing guilt he's feeling over not being able to tell Selene what happened with Alexis (even though, once he arrives in Toreguarde, he has every opportunity to, because he doesn't have the threat of being kicked out of Fangthane hanging over his head any more). Edwin may be a lot more emotionally intelligent than Selene but.... gods, he is a complete dumbass about this.

Seriously, neither of them are being smart about any of this. And I love it! I hate it just as much, but the drama is just too delicious to not have them both be dumbasses that are somehow constantly talking past each other until the incident happens.

*Note: Schreiber had no involvement in Alexis leaving. He was just happy that she, apparently, did it on her own volition instead. Publicly though, he rips Selene to shreds in front of the rest of the Council for "letting" her go, because why waste the opportunity?

[opinated-user]

WHY does Lily think people get off to hurting female characters? There's "beat them to death with a fucking rock because they're vile human beings who get off to the suffering of women and non white people." from her last video but there's also her freakout from her video on The Legend of Korra where she says that 1. only Korra is shown being beaten up in the series (a lie if you watched even a handful of episodes) and 2. the only reason she gets beaten up in fights instead of coming out without injuries is because the writers get off to it.

I don't know how to explain it to her but sometimes bad shit happens to characters and no one is masturbating to it. It is, in fact, extremely unusual for anyone to masturbate to or be aroused by these things. So why does she keep acting like this is NORMAL?

Anecdotal evidence for my point: even super misogynistic men I know were incredibly uncomfortable in my Public Speaking class when I talked about a subgenre of porn, ryona, that's currently getting banned off of most websites. In ryona porn, the sex does not make up the majority of the video, beating up a woman does - and even the fucking INCELS in my class looked ready to vomit. There are very, very, VERY few people who get off to violence and suffering. I won't say they don't exist, but even people who hate women are usually not into it and even people who are in favor of consensual rough sex are repulsed by the concept of beating someone up being an arousing thing in and of itself.

For once it's not projection since there's no ryona in Lily's Sankaku faves, but that just makes me more confused, not less. Where the fuck is she getting this from?

this is going to be pure especulation from my part, full tinfoil moment... but i do think that she's projecting. remember all the times we spoke about how LO always had to slip something abusive on whatever relationship she's writing and then tries to gaslight the audience into thinking that it's wholesome? well, the modern example of that is clearly whatever is happening between G and CLO but before that was stockholm. i know that when talking about that series most people immediately jump to Rainbow Dash being written as an offending pedophile but there's actually a b plot that is the whole reason why the story is called stockholm: that of Ascentia and Twilight. their conflict is that twilight is horribly agressive with ascentia, slapping her around, raping her multiple times, kicking her, and she does it publicly and never faces any consequences for it because Ascentia has developed stockholm and the physical abuse is what she has come to expect, so twilight essentially is encouraged by the narrative to keep abusing. the other day i was talking with someone about stockholm and they showed me a post where the co-author, Nintengogal55, talked about a particular scene that was so extreme that actually brought her to tears.

Okay, this other one was for a shot we currently haven’t released yet. Without going into too much details, it involved the CMC and it was so awful. I would read all of my original fanfics from ten years ago than ever write or read that again! I didn’t just hate how the scene became, I felt physically uncomfortable reading it and writing it. It wasn’t just uncomfortable, it was painful. All throughout Stockholm, the worst I ever felt was sad. Now sad, I can handle that perfectly fine. Even the descriptions of the domestic abuse, while unnerving, weren’t graphically written and didn’t affect me that badly. Yes, Ascentia terrified me in the story, but I can also handle fear. But physical discomfort from writing/reading something so terribly uncomfortable and painful? No way. I was, honestly, on the verge of TEARS. Thankfully, Bhaalspawn understood and offered that we make it less…like that. It turned out so much better after that. I am forever thankful for his compassion and letting us re-do that scene. <3

it was LO's idea to make that scene. i don't know what scene was, i don't want to imagine it, but if it had such a strong reaction on the co-author, who already was up for the most disturbing aspects of this story then it had to be graphic, it had to be visceral and it had to be a especial kind of awful. the CMC are a group of literal children on the story so this scene, whatever it was, it would have involved children going through something so graphically horrible that the co-author couldn't handle it. in stockholm there's a lot of reference to the abuse that ascentia goes through. she winces she has to sit because twilight literally made a tear on her ass, she gets an arm broken so it has to be put on a cast and there is a scene where twilight goes feral on her, breaking her nose and her ribs. ascentia goes through hell and in my opinion it's not made any better by the fact that it's "off screen" because we still read about the results of that extreme abuse. to what i have been told, something similar happens on her fanfic previous to stockholm. on the ones where she introduces Matt Ryder (her self insert, remember that) there's many one scenes where Meg (only Meg, never Matt) gets abused as well and it's treated like a joke or a minor thing not worth paying attention. you could say that LO back then was trying to imitate the "humor" of FG by constantly bashing Meg, her favourite character, but considering that she just kept doing that with later works? i don't know. broken champions, the fanfiction that LO wrote about anevay and only shared for a server? the exact same thing happens, although for one the abuser of anevay wasn't her love interest and those abusers are cartoonisly evil before they get punished. but the fic still spend so much time describing all the different ways in which anevay was tortured, raped, branded, mocked and broken down. one scene could have been enough, but it happened so many times i had to skip entire parragraphs because it was making me so uncomfortable. someone could potentially say that was a survivor of abuse venting about their experience and using a fictional character in order to live through something horrible and get the desired comfort at the end. i can see that point of view. fiction can be a great tool for therapy that way. but it just hit me right now, as i was reading your ask, that could also just an excuse. why else would she keep sliding abusive dynamics into her "wholesome" works? why does she keep accusing others of specifically "getting off" to scenes of women suffering or being beaten? there's a lot of abuse and rape on her sankaku account, so why this kind of interest would be out of place? see the thing in common between all these characters (CLO, ascentia, meg, anevay)... these are all characters LO claims to care about and love. LO multiple times directly says that she makes anevay suffer the worst just because. i believe she's projecting and we can see that on her writing more than on her porn accounts. i'll admit i could be seeing something that's not really there and there isn't any real evidence for what i'm saying, but i believe there's a coherent pattern here and it makes sense with all we know about LO.

[horizon-verizon]

re: Laena and Daemon’s treatment of her. 

I think the fandom tends to shift the blame for Laena, Baela and Rhaena being neglected onto Daemon instead of the writers/showrunners. 

In their quest to make him as irredeemable as possible, the writers severed him from his positive relationships with non-Rhaenyra people. This negatively impacted his relationship with his Black wife and Black daughters.

The writers are quite possibly racist and anti-Black. We see it in the treatment of Mysaria, Laena, Baela and Rhaena.

However, the blame does not rest solely on them, the fandom is also racist, and they enjoy their fantasies about Laena and how she’s a Black seductress/Jezebel, who could not steal him away from his great white love.

They constantly champion the Driftmark scene where Daemon ignores his bruised, bleeding daughters and only moves when he sees Rhaenyra might be in danger, as a sign that Rhaenyra is the only woman he will ever love. 

Response to this post.

I agree. I'll say something else about a thing I said: about HotD making the Velaryons/their scions Black and even though I do think canon!Daemon had a more passionate regard for canon!Rhaenyra is more than the canon! Laena, it is very true that many white or non-Black ASoIaF fans tend to disregard the dragon twins from just their names and shift it onto Jaehaerys and Jaehaera OR full out calling them "monkeys" and delighting in fantasies of their mistreatment or abuse. Ironic because it still has a different flavor to the fantasies of Rhaenyra's sons dying horrible painful deaths.

Then you may have art leaving them out of what was called "family" portrait as if the twins are not blood-related to Rhaenyra as her first cousins and to-be wives of her sons, and would-be mothers to her grandkids. Stepchildren who she raised alongside Daemon and helped develop into the young girls and women they eventually become, thus are her kids.

And to leave it at how the canon relationship may "support" the idea that LaenaxDaemon was an inferior relationship to Daemyra can effectively encourage racism against show!Laena. Because we already 1) face people mixing canon and show lore, cherry-picking facts, etc., 2) some events and how they went down aren't messed up too much in the show, HotD, and the original stories still yield a collective significance, and meaning to viewers of both book readers and show-only watchers. We're never going to get out of this rut until every person is as dedicated to reading the stories as much as a book reader, pondering for hours about characterizations and implications of some monarchial declarations and actions in the world.

*EDIT (forgot to add this)* Yeah show!Laena is black/PoC unlike canon, but I think that it is not her becoming black and then continuing with the Velaryon-suffering already in the original story (thus making as if there was racism when it is supposedly just the writers overlooking the optics once race is changed). We shouldn't pretend that the show!Velaryons have the exact same treatment or events happen to them in the same ways as in canon.

The writers did make some changes regarding how the Velaryones acted and the events surrounding them:

Laena gets that self-immolating treatment (a common wife-riddance social tool in some cultures' literature and actual history) when dragon riders actually don't die often in fire nor is that even a desired death by anyone in canon. It's simply a flashier way to go and to provoke watchers while giving more pain to an already dying, lonely woman (as she wasn't surrounded by loved ones like in canon, and in Driftmark her childhood and ancestral home).

Laenor got punched up by a Kingsuard while becoming the next Prince Consort of a ruling Queen, and yet doesn't recompense through Criston's exile or death.

Laenor loses his lover to a nonsensically-allowed outburst of rage from Colon in the midst of his engagement feast. In canon, Choler kills Joffrey in what could be reasonably excused, at least, during a melee, where anyone could get killed in a competitive fury. Thus Cholera escaped death and punishment that way.

And then some scenes they should have included. One is Laena bonding with Vhagar in her preteens, which would have provided its own significance being contrasted against Aemond's bonding moment with Vhagar. We get a clue that she used sailing rope to climb onto the dragon's back, but we do not see scenes of her getting to this point using her wits. We do not know how she avoided her caretakers to visit Vhagar or maybe how Rhaenys guided her into approaching Vhagar and teaching her commands or such. (We do not know how she processed possibly being married to a 30+ man, how the Velaryons broached that with her, either, and with Aemma's unnecessarily violent birth scene that centers Viserys' emotions more, this part especially reveals the writers' lack of concern for female character's development as they should writing a woman's story.) Laena's bonding with Vhagar contextualizes and makes real the visible mourning the show makes Vhagar have AND works to show why & how she came to be so loved by Rhaenyra and Daemon on her own merit.

Removing Laena from their lives or subduing that bond really just reduces the emotionality of all three characters, the bonds they had with each other, remove the reason why Rhaenyra announced that her sons would marry Laena's daughters and makes it seem more about politics than a blend of that and genuine love (thus a loss in complexity that is pretty inherent to these characters' family lives)

Which is very much a change. A downgrade and misunderstanding of the canon. The Dance was a war incited by many moments where the respective sides grew more and more suspicious of each other from domestic issues and misogyny-- "small" events of pointed insults or court-group censure, hidden meetings for plots, etc. and then there would be what we had with Laena, Rhaenyra, and Daemon where the life they had for a short while nonetheless created a stronger base not just for rhaenyra but all her kids. why wouldn't we want to see how the blacks/rhaenyra and Daemon's "blended" family operate and how each kid developed over the years to anticipate how they would act during the war itself? (Esp for the non-book readers coming into this story for the first time). *END OF EDIT*

[papytonpropaganda]

A bit late for for the writing ask thing! 💖👻😈🤔💭🍰

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

I guess I'd have to say how effortless it feels when I'm really in the zone. I don't wanna say it's easy, because most of the time it's not, but when I'm actually able to sit down and focus, I can crank out a whole Walls chapter in a couple hours (yes I have done this before). I think it's due to how much I love the characters and the story I've created for them, and being excited to share that story with people, especially those who resonate with the characters.

👻 What is one WIP you think you may never pick back up?

I have this really old wip from like. even before Walls was conceived I think. it was basically going to be Undertale but from Chara's perspective. I haven't completely rejected the idea of going back to it, but I'm just not sure if I have any ideas unique enough to really set it apart from other similar fics, or interesting enough that people are willing to basically sit down and re-experience Undertale in written form.

😈 Is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?

again I can't really think of anything, but I'm curious to see what others have to say (again pls be nice if u have anything to say)

🤔 What is the hardest part of writing fic?

I feel like I could go with multiple different answers here, but the one I'll pick for now is basically trying to follow my artistic vision while also not pissing anyone else off. what I mean by that is like... I'm constantly trying to get other people's approval for my creative decisions, and I feel like that hinders the stories I write and my personal growth as a writer. while I'm not one of those people who constantly complains about "puritanism" in fandom, I do think there's a bit of a thing where people hear that a work includes a difficult topic, and they immediately distrust the creator without verifying for themselves whether that topic is handled appropriately. I have personally experienced people automatically assuming I'm doing something "fetishy" when I mention the topics that Walls deals with, for example. and I just feel like this is such a sad and unproductive way to interact with anyone's creation. it doesn't foster a sense of community or respect, or encourage anyone to personally engage with a work and figure out for themselves whether it did what it was intended to. now of course I'm not saying you should never be skeptical, I just think it's important that you verify for yourself what a work does with a topic rather than just relying on hearsay.

sorry for the soapbox rant lol. I'm basically just trying to say that it's difficult for me to stick to my honest vision when I'm also trying not to cross any lines. and that doesn't even have to apply to like, dark topics, it can also apply to just characterization in general (I frequently feel like my visions of Papyrus and Mettaton aren't humorous enough, for example, and that I'm turning people away by having all the angst in Walls.)

💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

Chara is an entity in Walls, but only Frisk and Flowey are aware of their presence (and Flowey only knows because Frisk told him). Chara has various opinions on all of the family members at the beginning of Walls, and throughout the story, their opinion on Mettaton changes the most--they go from thinking he's boring and annoying to "if anyone hurts Mettaton I will kill everyone in this room and then myself" once they figure out how abusive Devon is.

🍰 Name one of your fave comfort fics (doesn’t have to be your all time fave).

I don't read fic much these days but there is one I constantly go back to and I would say it's definitely my favorite fic I've ever read. and surprisingly it is not Undertale. it is. uh. Harry Potter 🙈 but it's literally SO good, way better than anything JKR ever wrote and it's basically the only HP thing I engage with anymore. it has Harry actually responding realistically to having been abused by his aunt and uncle, and Snape is an actual well-rounded, likable and sympathetic character. I literally can't read the original books anymore because they just don't compare to how fantastically written the fanfic author made the main characters. the premise was a bit weird and I remember being cautious when I first read the fic, but the author REALLY made it work and well. obviously it became something very precious to me lol. but yeah.

[canticleofcanticlesforleibowitz]

How lush the world is How full of things that don't belong to me

-Louise Gluck, "Parousia"

I haven't read The Wild Iris in thirty years, and I when I thought of it yesterday (this poem and these two lines, specifically), I remembered interpreting "Parousia" then as a poem describing ecstatic appreciation of things that one doesn't need to possess to enjoy. Things like the gardens in the neighborhood that I catalog as I pass and smile at them, whose drowsing branches and leaves I touch casually when we meet during my lunchtime walk. A kind of gentle high five, it must look like to anyone who sees me. I can't imagine anyone minding the woman high-fiving the absurdly beautiful kousa dogwood near their side fence as if in encouragement, but when I do it, it feels like a secret. Like such a small thing, no one ever would notice.

When I went back to re-read "Parousia" just now, though... it wasn't like that at all. The non-will-to-possess kind of communion I remember must have just been a strong feeling I'd been experiencing at the time, as a kid. Satisfaction with what I had. A forgiveness of what had been crap. In reality, "Parousia", has a shifting quality. Is it about longing or satiety? Promise or fulfillment? Anticipation or loss? Absence or presence?

I think it must depend on who you are when you read it. Then read it again a moment later, and who you are is changed. Maybe you changed while you were reading, maybe more than once, Perhaps it has changed, too. I want to say that it could also appear to mean what my child mind made it mean, but it's a devotional poem, and there is only a very small, very still point in the middle of the poem, as small as it is in our own minds when we find that 12"x12" patch of land to stand on, where we can be serene to know that our beloved is out in the world, if not by our side, and this is still a blessing. Maybe the greatest blessing.

[violethowler]

Atalantia the Master Actress

So a few nights ago I was re-reading Part I of Light Bringer and it occurred to me that not only the Siege of Phobos would never have happened if Atalantia hadn't summoned Lysander to Earth for her summit, but Atlas's campaign against the Rim would've gone ahead without a hitch. Because by Atlas's own admission, Atalantia was heavily involved in his plans to attack the Rim. Her Syndicate contacts were the one responsible for obtaining the footage and selling it to Dido.

And if Lysander had stayed on Mercury, he wouldn't have had any chance of calling for an attack on Mars. Which means the Rim fleet would've already been en route back to Jupiter when the Obsidian invasion of Ilium began. And Lysander not being on the Dustmaker means that Diomedes would've been killed, the Rim Conquered, and Eidmi recovered by Atlas with no one the wiser and the Rim conquered without anyone in the Core being the wiser.

(Because without Mars being under siege, Sevro would've stayed on Mars with Victra and his daughters, leaving Darrow, Cassius, and Aurae to continue onward to Quicksilver and The Rim (with Lyria) alone, and without Sevro to advocate for him, the chances of the Daughters not executing Darrow for what he did in Morning Star would've been significantly slimmer, if not nonexistent)

Then I remembered that Cicero tells Lysander when they pick him up from Kalyk that Julia has been "playing Cassandra" and that "She thinks Atalantia will sail on Mars any day." And in one interview, Pierce mentioned that he'd originally considered having the final chapter of Light Bringer be Virginia's POV as Atalantia's ships arrive over Mars.

And this stuck out to me, because timeline wise, we're still a month away from her planned Iron Rain on Luna. So why would Atalantia sail against Mars after all the difficulties that Atlas had told Lysander about back before the Summit?

But then I remembered in Dark Age how Atalantia acted as if Lysander and Diomedes revealing that Darrow was the one responsible for destroying the Ganymede Docks was the first time she was hearing about this... Yet according to Atlas she was the one who obtained the footage to sell to the Rim in the first place!

And that made me realize that Atalantia was playing Lysander throughout the entire novel. Her announcement of an Iron Rain on Luna 6 months after the summit was meant to provoke the Rim into leaving their alliance, with the plan being for Volsung Fa to start the campaign while the Rim warships were on their back to Jupiter in order to encourage them to expedite their journey home.

By bringing Lysander to the Summit and telling him her plan, she gambled on him objecting anyway in spite of her threats to Glirastes because no matter what he did she would benefit:

If he stayed quiet and did as he was told, the plan would continue unchanged.

But by objecting and calling for an assault on Mars by his own faction, he allows her to wear down the Republic's defenses on the planet while exhausting and depleting the resources of the Rim fleet and his own faction, leaving the Rim fleet weakened when Atlas springs his ambush at Kalyke, all without her having to lift a finger.

And this would've happened even if she hadn't told Lysander her plans in advance, because he was already gung ho for attacking Mars before he'd even arrived at the Summit due to knowing the Rim would break off the alliance if she didn't agree to doing so.

The purpose of telling Lysander her war strategy and threatening Glirastes is really just to make Lysander think that he's making the choice to object of his own free will and taking a stand for his principles instead of playing right into her hands.

And all of this just really makes me appreciate what a masterful actress Atalantia is.

She knew about Darrow destroying the Ganymede Docks long before Lysander and Diomedes reached Mercury at the start of Dark Age, yet never once gives Lysander or the reader any indication that she isn't just now learning about it for the first time.

Not to mention the fact that she was able to perfectly imitate her father's speech patterns and mannerisms through holo conversations for three years straight without Darrow, Virginia, or anyone in Republic Intelligence ever suspecting that they weren't listening/talking to the Ash Lord.

I dunno, it just really hit me during my re-read how good her acting is that it took me this long to realize that her interactions with Lysander and the Golds at the summit were nothing but a performance to make her rivals dance to her tune.

And it really solidified for me that she is the true main antagonist of the entire tetralogy. Because yeah, Lysander is a villainous foil to Darrow. But Atalantia is the one who gets the direct "I would've lived in peace but my enemies brought me war" callback to parallel the opening lines of the saga right there in Iron Gold. She is the one pulling the strings behind every threat in each POV (except the Red Hand, though if we find out in Red God that The Syndicate was secretly funneling funds and resources to Harmony, I will not be surprised).

Quite frankly I'm fully expecting Lysander to return to the Core just for Atalantia to immediately cut off all his plans at the knees and thank him fulfilling his purpose in her plans because she knew exactly how he'd behave if he managed to survive Kalyke.

[roxyteal]

This art is very nice. Very cool. But even so, it's the bad ending...

I think I finally understand. Beershine (in this case at least) is an abusive, narcissistic relationship.

Putting it under the Keep Reading for discussions of emotional abuse and manipulation. The TL;DR version is that Billy is a selfish bitch.

And let me put in this disclaimer real quick: no shade to Cornedbread or anyone who enjoys the ship. This is purely speculation based on documented traits and personal experience.

From everything Joe mentions (yes, even the Fakelex portion) are all signs of experiencing it.

The delusion that things will get better, Billy will grow out of it, and/or Joe will get used to it (when it absolutely won't).

If Joe fights back, Billy wins, it gets worse (can be interpreted as: "you deserved it", and/or "look what you made me do"). It also shows that Billy never forgives, never lets go of mistakes, and will bring them up in future altercations, regardless of how long ago it was. An example of trying to turn the fight back onto Joe and making it increasingly exhausting to bother trying to be heard.

The Fakelex bit is Joe questioning his own reality ("it's all in your head", "you're remembering wrong" and/or "that never happened"). What's interesting here is that this may be an AU where Billy never encountered Fakelex, so he doesn't believe Joe when he claims he's being stalked by him. Because if he did, uh, it makes me wonder why Billy disregards it (looking at you, "Fakelex ate Billy's Girlfriend" comic).

Joe blaming himself with his perceived flaws (feeling like "no one likes him", "easy to control", etc), making him feel hopeless and dependent on Billy, someone he sees as successful and worth being with despite the pain. And due to feeling like no one likes him, it creates an isolating situation. Granted Billy """attempts""" to remedy this at least once, but he does it in the worst way possible (ditching Joe at a convention to force him to make "connections", rather than help him make new friends). Leaving a dependent-feeling person alone in such social anxiety-riddled situations is doomed to fail, and it does (for Joe takes it as Billy abandoning him "like everyone else does").

Even more adding to this, Billy later saying "you also said some un-well-made things but it's okay i know how you are" just re-enforces Joe's dependency and incompetent feelings about himself; tearing him down further rather than lifting him up and giving him confidence.

Joe outright admits to wanting to commit sulclde (more graphically mentioned in his harder-to-see thought processes), which is the biggest sign of a cry for help even if he himself isn't aware of it. I know that this was likely a pre-existing issue, but Billy completely ignoring it regardless whether Joe was serious this time or not is telling. It's telling and Billy exacerbates it.

Billy refusing to self-reflect or focus on any point that is not implied to be about himself. It's always got to be about him, after all, but only in the "good" way ("is the person you like me?", which, honestly, is the only "good" thing to mention, but it's a stretch. Everything else is Joe rationalizing).

Billy pushing away Joe's argument of "you're not listening again", a two-fold reference. First, this has occurred on multiple occasions. Second, Billy dodging the very real flaw with "no actually i DID listen". Had Joe caught his BS further, I can imagine a response like "well i never said i would actually help you", you know, despite calling himself a counselor. And thus, he attempts to absolve responsibility.

And to top it all off, Billy encouraging Joe's vice (beer), which neither solves the problem or takes a step in the right direction. It's purely to get Joe drunk (to shut him up). Billy doesn't care in the slightest about Joe's well-being or mental health whatsoever.

Joe chose "yes (bitch move)" to the question "calm down?". Calling it a "bitch move" is yet more inference of Joe hating himself so much that the thought of trying to stand up to Billy any further is out of the question, so he sees himself as cowardly for going with the "easier" option (letting Billy get his way again). When, truthfully, it's not his fault. It never was. Billy's grip on him is just so tight, and he can't muster the will and courage to escape. Part of him may not even know that he's trapped.

In Billy's mind, it could be argued that he expects Joe to get it together himself, because he might've had to when he was young and lost his father. But Joe is not like Billy. Joe is in dire need of actual therapy, rehab, and healing, and again, Billy could care less.

Obviously Joe needs to want that for himself, but succumbing to this narrative of being dependent and feeling like he and his life could never get better... It makes that more unfeasible.

Maybe Billy doesn't want Joe to get better (as in tell him to go to Hell and leave), even as he says that Joe is "a lot to handle" and "said un-well-made things", because he wants to have control. Over what, is uncertain. And Joe is in so deep that he might believe there's no way out. It's too late. And he'll "never have something 'this good' again".

So yeah I have to retract my statement of me thinking this dynamic was a "i [billy] can fix him [joe]". Because it's actually so much more horrific than that, it's the opposite. If Joe got better, he would see Billy for what he really is (implied briefly but then the new art suggests the facade fell back in as a result of Joe drinking the beer Billy offered him).

I realize this is a dream and it cultivates everything Joe likes and dislikes about Billy, but I fail to see a single positive trait. Even though Joe does mention good things about Billy (as few as they are), it's still just him rationalizing with "it's not ALWAYS bad so it's okay right?". It feels more like a reflection of everything wrong with the relationship in a single comic, and how things refuse to change for the better.

Deep down, I wish I could interpret the new last panel as a good ending (where it leads to a real, actual attempt of healing for Joe and Billy taking accountability), judging by how Joe is no longer stylized in crudeness, and instead both are depicted in a "polished art" manner (no JPEG crust, colored outlines, shading and highlights).

But the dream is a nightmare. So that's not what's going on. Even if it was, it's not real. So this "good ending" doesn't exist regardless... It's tragic. :'(

The Joke Part

A Beershine parody of 「P.22: The Worst Part」 from One Wheat Mark

This is a parody of One Wheat Mark’s 22nd chapter ←(This is a hyperlink, please click it to read the original story). If you are familiar with the original story, you may notice that I changed some dialogue and panels. This is because I adjusted the story to better fit the characters. More context under the cut ↓

【Original context】

Chap. 22 follows Will (the grey shirt guy)’s radiation-poisoning-induced hallucination. In this hallucination he sees his best/worst friend, Mike (blue jacket guy). The Mike here though is not the real Mike, this is Counselor Mike.

Counselor Mike is very similar to real Mike (i.e. dismissive, sardonic, shitty 2010s humour, white), except for the fact that he took the time to listen to Will talk about his feelings. He is a counselor.

【Beershine context】

Joe is having a fatigue-induced nightmare. He is physically tired from working on minimal sleep; and emotionally tired from Billy hounding him about “being well-made together” and that “you’re the only one who understands what kind of joke the world is.” He dreams of a Billy who culminates everything he likes and dislikes about Billy.

Joe’s entire dreamworld is drawn very crudely to show that everything is a joke/shitpost, meanwhile Billy is fully-rendered/well-made. The Billy in this dream however is now losing his well-made facade. When he breaks Joe’s heart again, the facade completely falls apart and Joe’s view of Billy literally and figuratively becomes un-well-made.