#I dunno when exactly this happened
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Hope you're watching, boy.
#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#red dead redemption#rdr#vandermorston#vandermorgan#vandermarston#morston#HOW DO I EVEN TAG THIS#dutch/arthur/john#i just hope the people who'd enjoy this find it KHGFHKD#i like my ot3s fucked up and problematic why do you ask#hello red dead fandom...#anyway this was brought by: The™ one gif from wilde and people posting about it and how#people usually use it as a ship pose ref when its supposed to be at least an ot3 thing#like there's a third guy watching out of frame#and I just. i dunno this happened#is arthur jealous of dutch or john?#yes#and dutch is very aware and thats exactly why hes doing it :)#i like to think he likes to keep his boys fighting over him makes him feel important#also if theyre too busy fighting over whos the favorite they cannot unionize against him#foolproof plan#my art
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I got bored and typed the lyrics, if anyone's curious;
So caught up,
They didn't know which way to go
But the bond between them felt forever.
Would love win if
They could only take it slow?
But twisted hearts and danger fades together.
But life moves fast
And something felt wrong,
She ran to him
But he was gone.
Please let the darkness fade away.
Let him breathe again,
Cause now there's nothing left.
Oh.
Will life ever be the same?
Oh, that's not how it's supposed to end,
No.
#critical role#tlovm#tlovm spoilers#perc'ahlia#I think Ive done it right??#I dunno#funny how its just saying exactly whats happening#still crying#and dancing#this song confuses me emotionally#matthew mercer#when I catch you.#Spotify
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Or maybe I've always had that devil in me but it's just more pronounced now that my soul is gone. But I can't stress enough how it's cool and chillm
Sooo I literally got possessed by demons and they made me transgender
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I MET THE NICEST OLDER WOMAN IN THE WORLD JUST NOW
she fell so we were taking care of her and she told me about how her and her niece are going dancing soon and about when she was in her 20’s she took a spontaneous trip with her boyfriend to the northpole to see santa (im not sure where tho) and the hotel they ended up in had water beds?? She said she didn’t know there were heated and unheated waterbeds and they got stuck with an unheated during december 💀 if im not as cool as her at like 75+ ill be pissed 😤
#mari says#im gonna be the coolest old lady ever#thats my goal#”i dunno if its a bit risque for you but my niece does pole dancing” girl i was just about to restart my membership at my place nothing#is too risque#she was like “my sisters picking me up and shes gonna know exactly what happened” and when i opened the car door?#her sister goes “You fell in the airport didnt you” we LAUGHHHHED
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[Peek-a-boo!] (Patreon)
#Doodles#Deltarune#Spamton#Everyone can see you coming Spamton you're not exactly a master of sneakery#Dunno lol ♪ Just a silly little set#I think I was watching something that had someone peek around a corner but with a long lead-in of some kind? I can't recall now#But either way I thought it'd be cute to see him coming before he came lol - a periscope with no vision attached!#Oh lawd he comin#I rather like how the wall lines all fall into place reading down the line haha ♪ I did it on purpose and it worked! Love when that happens#I feel a bit out of practice but I also don't have much for new ideas at the moment so I guess that's fine too lol#He's still cute and that's the important part
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wip wednesday!
i got tagged by @thevikingwoman and @roguelioness ! tysm you two <3 im gonna tag @scionshtola, @hythlodaes, @lavampira, @myreia, @birues, @hylfystt and whomever else! (i know some friends have been tagged already <3) I got two wips--one not spoilers for stormblod and the other post EW spoilers!
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Lyse stands beside them—just out of arms reach. The gap not wide enough for all the broken trusts and misgivings plaguing them since [redacted]. She crosses her arms, heaving a sigh as she stares up at the palace, brow furrowed and lips pulled tight. Hands clenching in her sleeves and they follow her gaze. Their arms folded, hands tucked into their armpits. they hunch their shoulders, sliding back half a step. This isn’t their stage—it isn’t their place up beside her. Not that she would want them there.
“At dawn, this will be it. The last push for the freedom of Ala Mhigo.” Conviction and tiredness fill her voice, her jaw set and her chin sticking out. They hold their words behind their teeth, watching the palace still.
“You will be there, I presume?” She turns to look at them.
“If that is what you want, Commander Hext.”
“And what do you wish for, Eyrie?”
——
“Ze-Zenos…” his name a stutter as it crossed their lips, “was my friend.” They breathe out, eyes fixated on the table.
“Did you care for him?”
Lips twist, brow furrowing; trying to find anywhere but her eyes before they speak. Hold the words tight behind their treacherous lips, even as the trace the words on the backside of their teeth with their tongue.
They turn their eyes to the open window—curtains fluttering. A cool breeze rushes in, the dim light of Radz-at-Han’s lamps only stretches so far to the moon—a silver sliver in the ocean of inky blue black. Casting their eyes further up towards the peak of the sky—further still past the darkest points behind those specks of light.
Maybe if they could just reach their hands high enough to the heavens—drag themselves further and further towards the firmament. Grasp in the dark behind the eyes of the stars to that place at the edge of creation—the little corner of that nest. And there would be something of him there. Some part of him still lingering in the loneliness of an emptiness before daybreak—a ghost in the stillness of motes of dust hanging in that cold air.
Maybe they could stretch enough like sunlight to grasp onto him—hold his cold, cold face betwixt their blood stained light filled hands and bid him come back. Whisper it with lips against his brow, their eyes so wide shut.
His name has been lodged in their throat since that day—stuck in their nose. begging to be screamed. To be wailed and rallied against the universe so indifferent to their grief. Maybe then the sun would break on the horizon and breath would break lips.
Maybe the universe would care about their grief. The beat of it beneath their chest and their ribs are cracking from the inside out. Wrists swollen and the outside edge of their palm throbs. Maybe it would care enough to finally let them be silent. No more songs to be carried on raw peeling lips and born from a voice that cracks. The final string plucked and the note would hang in the air long enough for one final bow.
#owen writes: wip#ffxiv#i am poking at eyrie's grief post EW and im getting places wahhhh#okay to rebloog#the stormblood one is also me poking at eyrie and lyse's friendship in the aftermath of their past#i dunno when exactly that happens but it's near the end#eyrie resorting to stiff formality to keep the distance bc they don't want to make lyse angry
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see i have a handful of hw event ideas in my head and i would loveee to ramble abt wonder stage return event but. i would need to finish the previous event ideas in my head first. nhfghfdfn
#mono’s stuff#currently the idea i default to is. emu1 > wonder halloween rui1 > nene > tsukasa1#BUT. nene’s event could also maybe go first. first steps of getting over her stage fright.#emu’s event has to go before rui’s though. cause now that ik i want wonder stage to come back wonder halloween happens there#and emu event is when the rest of the group gets properly introduced to the wonder stage i believe#im not sure abt what tsukasa’s event would entail though. maybe smth about him overworking himself for a show. trying to make#sure his performance is good enough. not accepting help or breaks. i dunno. something along those lines.#probably after rui event? it could work before rui’s though…..#fhgndhagfn. i love thinking abt them. but why are they hard to sort out….#the only one i have a kind of solid idea on exactly what happens in the event is emu. i’ve thought a lot abt rui wonder halloween but im#still thinking abt what happens post-tsukasa injury#dont mind me rambling in the tags like this dkjhjfsudjfo
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thinking about adam's heaven takeover verse ...
#-ˏˋ ━━━ ( out of character. )#This is what I call it rn but ... NOT EXACTLY HOW IT SOUNDS.#This is so messy cuz it was a random idea ... but hey.#I wanna scream about it#It's heavily canon div and a survival verse. It's like an Overlord verse but the Heaven equivalent.#At some point after Ep 8 Adam turning the exorcists onto Heaven / the Seraphim in a lil coup moment#Takes up that position of power so no one can set rules on him and his extermination plans#Maybe a diff position in Heaven's hierarchy but until its explored more in canon... Powers/authorities is most likely where I place him now#As they have dominion over evil forces. He abused that anyway but now to a higher degree. W the power he#gets a bigger and more angelic form w the 6 wings n crown esque Halo and it's just so cool in my sketches. I'll have to do a digital versio#when I write about it in more detail but Like. GIMME HIS DOUCHERY but AMPLIFY IT.#Maybe it has smth to do with Lilith and their deal idk yet I don't wanna do too much in case canon later disproves it to an extreme degree#Dunno how God factors into it yet. Until we know if he's like Lucifer. Just letting stuff happen and not really getting#Involved until its necessary#But yeeeeeeeeeeah haha
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stubbed my fucking toe so hard this afternoon that i have Schrodinger's Broken Toe. this sucks
#is it swollen? no. is it really bruised? yes. does it hurt to walk? yeah but only for a little bit. can i move it? yeah#but it hurts much worse if i move it unexpectedly. i gotta prep for it.#is it broken? is it jammed? is it just really bruised? who knows.#mom broke her toe a few months ago and said thats exactly what her experience was. greg only badly bruised his toe and said that was#what his experience was like. dunno what happened but it fucking hurts#i was out of the shower for like 2 minutes when it happened i hadnt had a chance to put my shoes on yet :((#mad about it and i have to drive to school tomorrow and it's my right foot i fucked up. AND the building im in for school is at the top of#a big hill so it wont even be an easy walk :(((((#big sad times#plus i was gonna go climbing tomorrow and now i can't#AND i spend like half my time walking on my toes! it makes me feel dainty and also makes me a bit taller. and i isn't even do that!#I've been robed of my favorite mode of walking! agonies.
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#Honestly I kinda feel like reclaiming slurs is pointless#Like if it can still hurt you when said by the wrong person#Then what have you reclaimed?#It quite literally retains all the qualities of a slur#It's offensive and hurtful when said so what are we doing exactly?#Maybe I just don't get it#But I've been thinking about it lately and I dunno#I'm not saying that people who are affected by a certain slur can't say it amongst themselves#But does it really accomplish anything to say it with your friends when your enemies can still hurt you with it?#The whole concept of reclaiming is taking power away from the word#But that has literally never happened lmao#Slurs retain their offense#The power is still there
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Man having read the first chapter of Encore now that it's translated and looking back at the title page of the last chapter I stopped at at Yet Another Failed Start At A Reread Of The Original (it was chapter four this time; p sure I made it farther last time), the difference is pretty startling. Everything looked so jank back then compared to now LMAO
I do wholeheartedly love the improvement tbh. ig it was only natural after 15+ years of drawing the guy.
#Kaitou Joker#Mun Post#remember that the series debuted back in 2007 :^)#I turned fourteen that year. fuckin imagine.#I wonder if there will be any special celebrations three years from now for the 20th anniversary...#I do hate that I caught onto this kind of late; but there's no guarantee I would've liked it when the anime started to air anyways#and the scanlation scene back in 2007 was fucking archaic lmao; even if it HAD been picked up that early... it's so weird to think about th#also weird to think about is that; given how I interpreted the author's comments at the back of one volume#if it wasn't for the series' floating timeline; joker would be either within a few years of my age; or my age almost exactly#which. another thing that's weird is imagining him being Old in any capacity. which he kind of IS in Boy Jokers; even if he barely shows up#in there being somewhere in his 30's for that series' canon feels about right#god I hope that that series isn't mainline canon. I doubt we could be so lucky but man I wish#that was his fuckin *sister* man...#not that I DISLIKE J tho... but he could exist in some other capacity. just. u know. not THAT one lmao#sort of lost the plot a bit lmao. as per usual#reading a fresh scanlation felt kinda weird somehow. especially since these chapters are still relatively new...#dunno how to put my finger on it exactly; it's just Strange; but not necessarily in a negative way for sure#super excited for the other two chapters; especially since the third one dropped so recently#stuff is happening!! also I kind of like watching my faves get their asses kicked just a little bit. big fan of hurt/comfort but u know.#u kind of gotta Hurt Them first LMAO. crack a few eggs to make an omelette kinda deal
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the hits stop coming and they don't stop coming
#every time i think i can't feel worse i discover a new blow#TO BE FAIR. IT'S PROBABLY NOT EVEN THAT BAD#i'm just like. really sensitive or something annoying like that#the worst part is that usually when i'm feeling low i can hinge my feelings on smth like 'if this happens that means everything will be okay#but then sometimes. it happens. and i still feel like the world is ending. so that didn't work now what do i do#ugh i didn't even feel this bad when i was like in the hospital a few months ago and it's literally just like. (in summary)#2 people i love are mad at me. i did really poorly in my exams and might lose my gpa. my car (highly attached) is breaking down and i need#get a new one#i start a new job tomorrow and i heard bad things about it from my classmates who started before me#+ i have serious doubts in my ability to dress neatly and well with all my shitty poorman clothes#+ i started breaking out#+ i just noticed i lost a bunch of weight likely from my hospital stay and i dunno how to get that back#+ my doctor said i'm not likely to get full mobility back at this point and it's upsetting me#also my spare tires are missing#ugh i'll be fine. i'll be fine i'll be fine i'll be fine. i'll be fine#i'm good at dealing BUT ONLY WITH SOME OF THESE. i can deal with the car and the job and the health. but interpersonal shit?#which is the thing upsetting me the most? wow surprise surprise local autist doesn't do people good#UGH anyway sorry for complaints on main i just feel like i got too many straws rn#it's 10:30pm i'm sure i'll feel better in the morning (ignoring the fact that i've been feeling almost exactly like this for days)#ugh. it's fine. i'll deal. only way out is through or whatever
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so within the last several sessions in Melliwyk's campaign we've learned that 1) the sorcerer king, our mysterious and as-yet unseen bbeg who has been functionally immortal for thousands of years by secretly moving his soul from body to body, currently IS in fact our more immediate and personal villain, the fighter's mother, whom our fighter remembers as having been a normal loving mother prior to a heelturn in her backstory; 2) some of the stuff Mel stole from her private workshop included personal journals from her early life, which reveal the story of an unusually talented young woman who was manipulated into pursuing necromancy and high level government work over her other arcane interests, apparently with the intention of grooming her as the sorcerer king's latest vessel; 3) there is a brief mention during her school years of her hearing about a particularly gifted gnome girl in the artificing track, and hoping they might get to be classmates
doylist reason the sorcerer king didn't even try to single out melliwyk as a possible future vessel: scarlet is an NPC whose concept fit into the sorcerer king story, while melliwyk is a player character who has nothing to do with any of that
watsonion reason: sorcerer king is gnome racist
#lots of other watsonian reasons tbh but this one is the funniest#I would do anything to cheat death but I won't do that (spend several centuries as a gnome)#I'm annoyed by the 'scarlet IS the sorcerer king' reveal if I'm being honest#even though it's been an obvious possibility for as long as we've known about the sorcerer king and what his deal is#our fighter's player didn't know any of this: his backstory was 'my wizard mother became cold and distant when I struggled with magic'#a thing that... happens. like. you think your mom loves you when you're eight and full of potential#and then she finds out you're not exactly what she wanted and wholly rejects you. surprise! she was a bad person the whole time!#I dunno I feel like... 'oh but WAIT the mother that was MEAN to you was actually a DIFFERENT EVIL GUY the whole time!!' is a cheap answer#a mother gothel figure was more compelling to me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#sometimes you think your parents love you and support you and are good parents until-- say-- you come out and become homeless the same day#like. sometimes evil is real and mundane. you know?#AAAANYWAY#my OCs#melliwyk
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i know everyone's told me to rest because i'm sick but i just can't. it doesn't feel right. i need to do everything i can rn because i'm scared that any second we'll be told to get out NOW
#there's a lot of legal shit going on so i'm really unsure when exactly we'll have to leave#my mom keeps telling me to pack an overnight bag just in case and i know she's right but there's other things i need to do first#plus i'm not leaving my computer here. i'm just not. i can't. it's my most important possession. it keeps me sane if you can call it that#i need to get everything else ready before finishing getting my ''i need these with me at all times'' stuff ready#because so much shit is in the way like i still need to take out trash and do more laundry#and get more things that have already been in boxes forever out of here. also the closet door is stuck so that's a problem#i don't even care about most of the shit in my closet like i know there's stuff from my childhood in there but i don't remember what#other than that it's junk. and decorations i bought for an eventual apartment but when the fuck is that even gonna happen#i know i'm sitting here doing nothing rn as i'm typing this but i'm like mentally stuck on what to do next without my mom's help#and she's not here rn. plus there's some dude that her shitty ex is letting stay downstairs rn ? for some reason ?#and i just don't feel comfortable leaving the room to get food or take out trash or change out the laundry. it's just weird#plus i'm sick and he has a weak immune system and like. i dunno i don't wanna be responsible for that#anyway sorry i'm rambling. i know it's understandable at a time like this but i just feel bad that this is all i'm talking about rn#i'm just so fucking depressed and stressed and tired and i've barely eaten anything for the past few days#i can't even have fun or talk to any friends like i normally do. my brain won't let me and it just doesn't feel right. i can't be happy rn#for even a second. it's just not the right time. there's nothing to be happy about. i have no hope at this point that things will work out
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Not to generalize fans but it's been a reoccurring theme on my dash to see artists I follow either being poked fun of or "criticized" for their rw art or character interpretations and it has me like
?????
#i feel like this is a bad luck on my end as I happen to just casually follow content#and not deep dive into tags or anywhere but that's exactly why it feels bonkers to me#maybe I've been spoiled by hk fandom who is genuinely chill or know how to just not care#when their interpretations don't match#but here is something else and maybe i'm getting the whole picture wrong#it's just the view I'm getting of this fandom atm#this is like a mini rant so I apologize for that#but it's been driving me away from trying to look up or find more stuff#if eventually it's going to end up with fans saying wild stuff about a specific interpretations#and for a game that's in pixels and has grown big thanks to the fans themselves and their mod varients#some of people seem really strict about how people choose to have fun with fanwork#and dunno where to draw the line between memes and genuine appreciation#<- as in when someone makes a genuine or serious post and people flock on it with wild takes and memefy it#idk how to explain this#maybe it's me who should curate experience better but like#i'm just?? literally following artists and nothing else??#and to see them feel like crud about having fun with their interpretations because some rando decided to 'criticize' it#is honestly wild new fandom experience for me#to note: I'm not having a bad time following folks I'm just genuinely confused#and kind of sad to see this is happening at all lol
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#sea thoughts#I know the song wasn’t exactly ‘made for me�� bc I’m definitely not dealing with the same things.#but Fainéant Girl by weevildoing. Fuck me man#I dunno I only just started thinking about it with my emetophobia and it’s late so. Yeah.#it’s definitely not the same situation or the same like. Severity. Of thing#but some of the lyrics. Mmm.#like the “I’m tired of being jealous of everyone that’s close to me / they can’t help it they’re not diseased that’s not the way they-#-chose to be” ouch.#And a bit of “it’s written down on paper you can’t call yourself a faker / it’s all true now / what’ll you do now?”#the acknowledgment of it being severe bc apparently it’s not common to have big long panic attacks more than twice a week lmao#(they don’t really happen now Dw but god that was rough)#Honestly it mostly doenst make sense. It’s just late and I’m eno now lmao#vent#I guess????#emeto ment#Oh yeah the whole “I’m tired when I wake up / I’m tired when I go out when I’m trying to exist / but if I don’t I get tired thinking about-#-the things I missed / I’m tired just tired that’s all I ever say / because I’m tired of my illnesses making me act this way”#AUGH that’s a good bit. Man#just a good song in general. Very nice.#Also a bit of “I got sick and I won’t ever be getting well” bc like. This isn’t ever gonna leave me lmao. I know that very well#I got it young n it got bad. Honestly probably as bad as it got recently. I think I was having panic attacks in the morning and at school#And I didn’t know. I didn’t even know.#and then I slowly beat it back until it wasn’t a problem at all anymore#then this past year or so it was creeping up on me. It was super obvious and I didn’t notice until I had my first panic attack in a long-#-time.#and I didn’t even know they were panic attacks until the second or third one. And then I realized I’d been having them since the start#and I just feel so much grief for little me#you didn’t know. You didn’t know and I’m so sorry#and somehow I feel conflicted about being on meds for it now?#like. I got through it before without them. Granted I’m (pretty sure) I didn’t almost starve to death last time.
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