#I don't mean to say she's the most terrible mom in the world or anything like that (she's not the best but she certainly isn't the worst)

[forceuseralona]

...

[tothosewholisten]

Forever Healed | TUA insert

Chapter: 00

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Masterlist

…

On the 12th hour of the first day of October 1989. 43 women around the world gave birth. This was unusual in the fact that none of these women had been pregnant when the day first began.

Sir Reginald Hargeeves, eccentric billionaire and adventurer, resolved to locate and adopt as many of the children as possible.

He got seven of them, yes seven.

..

MARCH 21, 2019

I have to be at least somewhat proud of myself for lasting this long. I thought as I sat on the bus, not everyday you are born with magical powers and are destined to save the world from evil. Yes, hearing myself think that sounds crazy. But that's normal in my life.

I had reached my stop after a half an hour of sitting with my earbuds in, listening to nothing at all. I just wanted to seem unapproachable on the sketchy city bus.

My destination was a terribly designed office building, the space was so crammed and ugly it made me want to turn right back around and get on that bus again. But I didn't because I was trying to convince myself that this would be good for me, but I didn't believe my words.

I was about to have a therapy session with some middle-aged white lady who has glasses and tell her all of my life issues, starting every week at 5pm..

It's not like I had anything else going on, I haven't had work for days now. So I thought I'd give it a shot.

The waiting process made me anxious as hell, I finally got the courage to walk up to the front desk and gave the man who sat there my name. And now I have to wait for this lady to get done with some other patient.

I sat on a chair and frowned, like she is really going to be focused on "my" problems and not the 30 other people she sees today.

I swear it was only a second into me zoning out when I heard my name yelled. "Y/n L/n? It's so nice to meet you!" A woman said, when i looked up at her i saw the exact lady i was describing earlier to the closest details.

I let her lead me to a smaller room that looked way better than the lobby. It had two chairs, a water machine, some fidget items and a large window view of the city. Gloria, I learn to be the name of my therapist, asks me to sit with her.

She clears her throat, "I know this is our first session so you may not be the most comfortable sharing details. But I'd like to know a little bit about you if you're okay sharing."

“Well, I’m 29 years old and a home care nurse.” I say slowly. Hearing the words leave my mouth I knew I haven’t amounted to a lot in my years.

"Oh wow, 29? I would've never guessed that Y/n, you don't look a day over 21" Gloria complimented me i give her a tiny smile in return.

I'm not sure why that is, I get that a lot in my working field. Older women saying that they wished they looked as young as me.

"That's a great start for today's session." She smiles, "A little bit me is, you know my name already but I'm 56 years old since Monday. I have 3 children and a cat named Mr. Furball."

I regret what i said earlier because I think I already like Gloria and not just because of Mr. Furball. But the fact that she has a calming sense about her. I find myself listening to what she's saying, and I rarely do that with people nowadays.

"But I would like to hear more about your upbringing, how’d you become the fine young lady you are today?" She says.

Oh, she wants to hear about my childhood. I mean I knew she would ask but so soon, I'm worried about saying anything. So I told her that.

"I'm worried about opening up to someone about my past cause well I've never done it before." I said.

She hands me a cup of water. "That's okay Y/n, we can take it at your pace."

“I grew up in a small house with my mom and dad until I was twelve. When I was scouted by Reginald Hargreeves because of my unique abilities. And I've been there ever since I was 18 when I moved out to live on my own.” I waited for the burst of confusion I was about to get from Gloria. Not everyday one of the Umbrella Academy walks into your office.

“Oh wow…” she says, eyes wide. “You're one of those superheroes? That’s amazing wow.” She nervously chuckles “I’m sorry I’m normally not this shocked about things, and I hear a lot on the daily.”

“It’s okay” I say, staring at my hands.

She clears her throat. “I'm sure being apart of the Umbrella Academy was big but could you tell me about your life before that?”

I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds, pictured my childhood in my brain and opened my mouth.

"Well, I'm sure to this day my father still thinks that my mother cheated on him, due to his "daughter's" virgin Mary-like creation since they were just newlyweds. He held it against my mother all of her life." I took a sip of water and continued.

"I'm not sure why he turned to alcohol. But that turned out as you could expect. He turned on everyone around him and acted like a beast. He regularly attacked my mom for anything she did wrong. But what made him more angry was that his freak of a daughter could heal her mother, after every beating."

"My mom told me before I left I had made her so much happier and in her words. She didn't even question these strange occurrences; she knew her baby was special." I smiled a bit.

I could tell that Gloria was painting a picture in her head of what I was describing too.

"And by the age of 8, I was standing up to my father, even if it didn't end so well. I'd get the beating instead but by the next day, my bloody body would be as good as new. On the surface at least, I had lots of internal issues from that time. But none of that stopped my father from trying to get equal with me.." I stopped talking after that.

My eyes could only focus on my right hand as it was picking at my left hand's skin. It was a habit I picked up as soon as I started to use my powers because I knew my skin would be right back to normal in the next few minutes.

"That's awful y/n I'm so sorry." She frowned. "Would you be okay with continuing?"

I blink up at her. “Yes, that would be okay,” I said. “Then there was this one day..”

..

17 YEARS AGO

“In five, four, three, two. This is Jim Hellerman, reporting live for channel 2 News outside of the Capital West Bank at Main and Sixth. A group of heavily armed men stormed the bank not three hours ago and took an unknown number of hostages.”

That was the big news update of September 2002, I remember. Well I don’t really have to think about it much because I was there with my mom at the bank. She planned on making some deposit when we were screamed at, not to leave by a man who had his gun pointed at us along with so many other civilians. He taped us up and told us to stand in a corner.

That was the first and only time I feared for my life. Police didn’t want them to start shooting, so they didn’t come into the building. Meaning that we were on our own and could die at anytime

One of the armed men walks into the scene unfolding. Sirens blaring, people getting shoved around and threats being made to the innocent.

“Now you’ve put me in a position where I gotta do something I don't want to do. Hmm?” He said talking to another person on his walkie talkie.

My mom brought me closer to her trying to use her body as a shield if things went south. And to us we thought they were about to be.

But strangely, a girl walked up to the man. She’d looked to be around my age in a school uniform and cartoon mask. Her loose curls bounced in the wind as she skipped up to him.

“Shit!” He screams putting his device down. Not noticing the girl until a few seconds after his outburst. “Hey, get back with the others.” He told her, trying to sound intimidating but she didn’t seem to fear him at all.

“I heard a rumor.” She spoke out.

He bent a little to reach her height and get in her face. “What? What did you say?”

She leaned in and cupped her hand to mimic whispering in his ear but loud enough for all of us to hear. “I heard a rumor that you shot your friend in the foot.”

Without any hesitation he did what she commanded and shot the nearest armed man who happened to be trying to rough up my mom. We screamed as he kept shooting.

“We just heard shots from inside the bank. It’s uncertain if any hostages have been harmed in that.”

“There’s some movement on the roof. Possibly law enforcement.”

A loud crash and a boy landed down from the roof. It was crazy he wasn’t harmed at all from that high distance. He was also wearing the same mask and uniform as the girl but he had blond hair. From where he landed he jumped on one of the robbers and started beating him to a pulp, and then throwing him out a glass window.

“Looks like one of the armed robbers had been thrown from the bank.”

Another boy with brown hair runs in from the opposite doors as the girl and yells. “Guns are for sissies. Real men throw knives.” He then threw one of his knives and it curved in the air hitting a robber no where close to where the knife had originally been heading. It was incredible.

“I've been in many hostage situations like this, and it can escalate very quickly.”

The original man hops on a table pointing his gun out at the two of the before seen children plus another one. “Get back you freaks” he says walking back and forth in fear.

“Hey, be careful up there, buddy.” The knife boy calls out.

“Get back now!” The man screams.

“Yeah, I wouldn't want you to get hurt.” The girls mocking voice says.

Right before my eyes another boy teleports behind the man, sitting criss-cross on the table. “Or what?” He said calmly.

The man turns around and shoots at him but before the bullets could hit he teleports again. This time standing up with his arms crossed, clearly not impressed. But the man tries to shoot again.

“Ooh! That’s one badass stapler!” The boy laughs. The man no longer had a gun anymore but a stapler placed in his hand by the kid instead. The boy shoves the stapler into his face and the big man falls back, head hitting the floor before his body does.

“Although there’s been no activity for a few minutes, we’re gonna stay live on location to make sure we don’t miss a thing. In this hostage situation at the Capital West bank.”

The five already counted for children make way for the last and shortest one to make his move. “Do we really need to do this?” He talks quietly.

The blonde one replies to him. “Come on, Ben. There’s more guys in the vault.” So his name was Ben huh?

Ben sighs, “I didn't sign up for this.” Before walking into the room with more people. Large black tendrils illuminated the room as men screaming could be heard behind the door. And a beast roars but then the sound stops and Ben walks out again, this time covered in blood and guts.

He breathes heavily. “Can we go home now?” I felt bad for him.

The kids untied our hands and told us to run. And once it was clear to go my mom started to run out of the doors thinking I was right behind her.

“Now we see the hostages. They— They’re free. They’re scared clearly but they do seem to be unharmed.”

But I was behind her trying to help this older woman who’d slipped on the floor. As I was helping her, the kids walked out too.

“People are coming out now. It’s not the armed robbers. These are schoolchildren in uniforms with masks on. Jim Hellerman, Channel 2 News.”

But there was one not accounted for robber, the one from earlier who had been shot in the foot. I started to run out and call out to my mom who was outside. When the man got up from the floor, cocked his gun and shot at the kids.

Fortunately, he missed them but the bullet hit me.

Questions being asked to the children stopped when they saw my body flail onto the floor outside of the bank doors. I was shot right in the chest. There was blood everywhere and it started to leak over to where the kids were standing. They turned around to see where it was coming from..

Everyone looked horrified and there was a bunch of screaming. Mainly from my mother who was wailing as she ran over to hold me to her chest screaming for me to wake up. And that will be engraved in my memory forever after this day, I never wanted to hear her like this ever again.

Police started to rush over but in a matter of minutes, a miracle seemed to happen. At least to the city that is. There was a yellowish glow around my chest and the blood seemed to have reversed back into my body. Even the stains on my blue dress were gone. The bullet even spit out of my chest; it was truly witchcraft.

My eyes then shot open as I started to breathe in and out.

I don't exactly remember what I felt during those moments but I'm sure I left those people around me stunned. After all this was their first look at powers.

I couldn't care what the paramedics were talking about above my body. I was focused on the 6 children looking at me bewildered as well as the old-looking man with them and whatever my mom was saying at the time.

I was put on a stretcher and rushed to a hospital for evaluations after the pandemics came but they never found anything. It was like everything was perfectly reattached.

But as I was leaving I could see the news reporters zeroing in on the kids trying to get the details on how these children saved the bank from thievery.

“Our world is changing.” The man spoke to the crowd. “Has changed. There are some among us gifted with abilities far beyond the ordinary.” He said looking back at the children. But they weren’t paying attention, some were staring at my ambulance and some eyes were on the ground.

“I have adopted seven such children. I give you the inaugural class of the Umbrella Academy.”

I now realize thinking back, the seventh person he was talking about was me..

..

PRESENT DAY

My mouth felt like it was moving faster than my brain so I took a pause and chugged the rest of my water cup.

Once again Glorias eyes were wide open. As she took some notes down in a notebook I never noticed beyond this point.

"Uh once I got home I remember the house phone noise filled my house with its nonstop ring, the other person on the phone would change my life forever when he came in.”

“And who was that person?" Gloria asked.

"Reginald Hargeeves, eccentric billionaire and caring father from what the public knew.." I rolled my eyes.

"So I'm guessing it wasn't really like that" she asked carefully.

"He was never a father really, more like a hard state-national basketball coach." She wrote that down.

"I guess it was a hard decision for my parents to make well, my mother. My father was ready to give me up as soon as Reginald stepped foot in my small house."

"And I'm sure they thought there was nothing bad about the offer they were given, he promised I'd be raised in a steady environment with the best schooling and my powers would be used for the greater good. And in exchange, my parents would get a large sum of money for my absence."

"What were you doing during this?" Gloria worried.

"I think I was just sitting right there next to my mom actually. I definitely didn't understand at that point what was happening to me. Still thinking about the events of that day.”

"And then I was being taken out of my only home in the blink of an eye. I resisted the people taking me, starting with screaming and then kicking and then running. Back to my mom's arms, Reginald himself had to pull me away from her. The deal had already been struck and there was no taking me back."

Now looking back at my hands I could only see small teardrops on my palms. Gloria reached for a tissue from the other side of the room. "Thank you," I said as I wiped my eyes.

"I like to think that my mom was upset that day but the memory has already started to fade as I reached adulthood.

You know after that day I was no longer 'Y/n L/n' no, I was known by my new name.. Zero Hargeeves."

..

I decided that was the end of my story, at least for now because I couldn't place the pieces together anymore. I was full-on sobbing at that point.

Gloria decided to bring up something more light to talk about next but I don't remember what it was because I'd zoned out and thought about the cat she'd told me about earlier.

The two hours seemed to fly by because the last thing I heard her say was if I didn't have anything else to talk about then that would be the end of the session. My legs seemed to move on their own as I walked out of that building. I would come back at the same time next week and honestly, I think therapy was for the best. I forgot about how I felt about all these things for the longest time.

I started the journey back to the bus stop, stopping to look in the windows of shops.

Shops like bakeries and bookstores and other things like that. Until I came to a stop in front of a store with a TV sticking out in the window.

My eyes scanned the screen and they went wide. The lady on the news had a somber expression as someone died. I was feeling sad for the person's family, but then I read the red-blaring headline.

The person who died was Reginald Hargeeves...

...

Aug 14 update:

If you'd like to be added to the tag list for rest of the series (starts at chapter 10) say taglist in the comments!

[sokkastyles]

One of the traits of Katara's character that I love very much is her anger. I mean, not the anger and rage that corrodes the soul and you can't see anything behind it, but the righteous anger that is caused by the injustice of the world in which she lives. Her whole arch is that it's okay to be angry. No one has ever told me this before. Her anger is the engine. And anger can go hand in hand with love.

Katara is angry because her brother is a jerk who pisses her off, she is angry because some assholes started a war in the world and caused a lot of grief, she is angry because one asshole killed her mom and now she herself has to take her place, and she was deprived of a normal childhood, she He's angry because he can't keep up with the same wave of fun as all the other guys. And in her anger, she is so beautiful, I like that her emotions are expressed as openly as possible, many in the fandom call her hysterical (women who express their discontent out loud in the crowd are branded hysterical, even if they have all the arguments in the world to be dissatisfied), but for me this is the most It's amazing what she has, because with all that, she's so kind.

Yes, the world is terrible, but you still have to help people, so if you turn away from them, then who will help them? She has so much anger that she manages to use for good. Probably, the puppeteer is such a wonderful episode, because Hama is who Ktara could be if she let her anger go in the wrong direction, despite the fact that Katara is an incredible magician, she could do things much worse than Hama did, but she would never.

I do think that people tend to dichotomize Katara's anger as part of her "dark side" instead of recognizing that it is, like you said, what motivates her to do good. Righteous anger can be a force for good, it can be healing. Especially if you're told you shouldn't be angry. This is something that I think is present in both Katara and Zuko's stories, respectively and together, as both needed that closure and the ability to say "it's not wrong for me to be angry about what happened to me, it's not wrong that I don't forgive."

I think that's a bit part of The Southern Raiders and also why Aang's harping on forgiveness in that episode comes across as tone deaf. Aang himself carries a lot of anger which the show mentions but never really addresses, in favor of painting him as the kind magical poc who is endlessly forgiving and optimistic towards his oppressors. Which is both convenient and horrific because he is literally the last of his people. There is no one left to say "I do not forgive you," no one left to be angry, no one left to ask "where is the justice?" Instead we get some moralizing about how being angry makes you just as bad as your oppressors, which is why I've never bought that Aang's preaching about forgiveness is him "respecting his culture." It feels like colonial apologia written by and for Americans, which is what it is.

[browneyesandhair]

Non-Exhaustive List of Soulmate Fics: Klaroline Pt 1

Okay, I'm bored so I'm compiling my favorite soulmate fics. Here's the Klaroline edition:

Runaway by Cupcakemolotov

Summary:

Caroline has been running from her soul mate since she found him standing over her father’s corpse.

Hunt You Slow by Cupcakemolotov

Summary:

Discovering that the scourge of the supernatural was her soulmate would be enough to send any girl running.

At Horizon's Edge by Cupcakemolotov

Summary:

Sometimes when a girl goes on a shopping trip to pick up a new pair of boots at the local, and somewhat hostile, human space station, she accidentally aids and abets a prison break instead. What happens in the black really doesn't stay in the black.

The Howling by Cupcakemolotov

Summary:

Caroline's day goes from bad to worse to insane in a matter of moments.

Written On Your Skin by LaLainaJ

Summary:

It's a rather boring day, at the flower shop Caroline owns. And then The Original Hybrid walks in, and changes her life by uttering a few small words. They're words Caroline knows, words she sees on her skin, every day in the mirror. She's thought about her soulmate, who wouldn't have? But he's the last thing she ever would have expected, and the last person she should want. But she can't quite bring herself to deny their connection.

The Air We Breathe by slstmaraudersjple

Summary:

When Caroline learns that her soulmate is the thousand year old Original Hybrid, she cries, because she knows her world is ending. When Klaus learns that his soulmate is a baby vampire, he is intrigued, because he has waited his entire life for her. Soulmates AU.

Even When We're Ghosts by LaLainaJ

Summary:

He'd just been planning to collect his doppelganger, hadn't anticipated such strong resistance. Now, trapped in his wolf form, until he meets his soulmate, Klaus seeks alternative solutions. He doesn't believe in soulmates. Until Caroline Forbes crosses his path. Caroline thinks she's hallucinating (note to self, don't accept moonshine from old ladies) until her life starts getting... weird. The Mikaelsons aren't great at subtle.

the fate makes for a lousy poet. by for_darkness_shows_the_stars

Summary:

It is not unheard of. Soulmates born too far apart to ever meet. Caroline did her research thoroughly. It’s just rare. And for all that she’d known her entire life that her fated other half was dead long, long before she was even a gleam in her mother’s eye … it’s unfair. . Everyone is born with a soulmate. It just so happens that a millennium divides Caroline from hers.

I Wish I Was (I Wish I Was) by dressedupasmyself

Summary:

“I think that even if you find your soulmate, there’s some measure of choice involved. Maybe some people just make the wrong choices.” “Good,” Caroline said. “What if my soulmate is, like, the worst? I wouldn’t want to be stuck with him forever. I want some kind of choice.” “But that’s the beauty of it,” Elena sounded wistful, “Your soulmate might be awful to everyone else, but they’re the best for you.” Caroline scoffed. “Okay, whatever.”

Passing Notes in Secrecy by perfectpro

Summary:

Caroline doesn’t remember not having a soulmate. Her mom says that the drawings started when she was small, just a baby. So he’s clearly older than her. She doesn’t mind, thinks that it will probably be nice to be with someone who has a little more life experience. She thinks she's one of the lucky ones.

The Raven Hunter by LynyrdLionheart

Summary:

There is a killer hunting frat boys on campus. The Raven Hunter is a terrible name... not that Caroline has a reason to care or anything.

a part of something that’s bigger (than me) by Issay

Summary:

In the beginning she's a plaything, the mean girl brought low, made and unmade by decisions of others and Caroline never receives apologies for most of it. Elena fights for her happy ending and through all of her losses and dark despair she is never alone. Bonnie wins her freedom, powerful in her own right. Caroline is left with uncertainty and obligations. No, the story isn't kind to Caroline. So let's change the story.

oh there you are (i've been looking for you) by breakfasttako

Summary:

Caroline was born a fated one, which means two things: 1) She has a soulmate 2) She's going to die tragically young

What's a Little Ink? by Writerwithagoal

Summary:

What would you get as a tattoo if you knew it would appear on your soulmate?

Hallowed Ground by KiryTheStitchWitch

Summary:

Caroline's trip to Ireland was not going the way it was supposed to. She was expecting stories and myths, and instead finds that some legends are a lot more real than she could have imagined. And hot. Really hot.

Inadvisable by MissNMikaelsonSummary:Everyone has soul words. The first thing your soulmate will ever say etched somewhere on your body. Caroline always dreaded meeting hers. She had never imagined this though; she had never imagined him. He had all but given up. Just a one shot for one of my favorite pairings.

Midnattsol by BelleMorte180

Summary:

The man laying before her was her soulmate, someone who should have died a thousand years ago. Written for AU-Season week three

Ship of Bones by Cupcakemolotov

Summary:

When humanity struggles to maintain its racial identity in the cold reaches of space, Caroline Forbes has hidden the gifts her alien mother left her. But secrets aren't secrets forever.

Familiar Taste of Poison by Cupcakemolotov

Summary:

A great love isn't always a blessing.

Holding Out for a Hero by slstmaraudersjple

Summary:

Klaus would totally be able to focus on his plans for world domination… if only his soulmate would stop singing that thrice-damned song. But then there's silence, and Klaus grows worried. Soulmate AU where songs that one’s soulmate sings gets stuck in one’s head. CW/TW: descriptions of Caroline being abused by Damon but nothing graphic/explicit.

[pleasantglitterflower]

Heart Podium (Joe Burrow x OC x Max Verstappen)

Many times our childhood dreams cannot be realized, due to our overly fertile imagination, many times our professional childhood dreams cannot be realized either, either due to the delay in getting a place at the university we dreamed of or the lack of opportunities when it comes to working in the arts or sports. 

There's always plan b.

Kayleigh was one of those kids, it's true that dreaming of being a Backyardigan was difficult, but she was left with plan b, a plan that was broadcast every Sunday before the NFL, her father would have lunch, afternoon snack and dinner on the same channel, watching the drivers and then the Cleveland Browns, his favorite team in the state. 

That was the most exciting thing Kayleigh had in her childhood, watching Formula One followed by a good Browns game, arriving at school and eagerly wanting to talk to someone, but the girls didn't like the subject and asked to talk about something else and the boys laughed at her.

Leaving her and her mom's cookies in the stands.

Until one day she plucked up the courage and asked her father to play go-kart, finding a track in the state of Ohio in 2004, it wasn't the easiest task in the world, but he managed it and little by little, it went from being a joke to a serious thing.

Until high school came and she discovered that there were two ways to get into college: she had to be very smart or know how to play some sport, in 2011 in the United States, go-kart doesn't really mean a sport, far from it.

Not knowing what to do, she decided to confront her parents in her first year.

Not wanting to do anything, since it wouldn't help her with her possible future career was a very risky step.

For her parents, it's not even worth mentioning, they wanted to freak out, exchanging the stability of a degree for a go-kart race, for them it's crazy, especially when they've always prepared themselves financially for it, when they always prepared for her to enter university, which is not the cheapest thing,and it was in these uncertainties and in the midst of this conflict of whether or not to go to college that she tried to get interested in more conventional sports.

But when she tried out, she was terrible at soccer, average at lacrosse, slow at basketball, tough at gymnastics, shy at cheerleading, short at volleyball, afraid of water when swimming and she's a girl, she couldn't play American football.

It was during one of these that she found herself making a fuss.

-You're going to regret it, you know, you're losing the best wide receiver the world has ever seen -  She yelled.

One of the guys looked at her in fright, while others wondered who she was.

-You know you were running for the cornerback spot, right? A blond guy tells her.

-Yeah, I know, that's exactly why - She sighs tiredly.

-Because you came to try for the spot right here, you know they don't choose girls easily.

-I’ve tried everywhere, I came here just to cause trouble, I had nothing to do” She confesses, leaving him confused.

-Really?

-Yes-They end up laughing.

-You don’t like a specific sport, maybe if you try there you’ll do better, maybe explain to the coach that you like it and want to learn and she’ll let you stay-He suggests.

-I like watching, but not putting it into practice, I’m doing this more so my parents can see that I’m not good, I already know I’m not good-She sighs.

-I’m sorry-He gives her a half smile, until she feels a crack.

-Geez, I haven’t tried baseball yet-she remembers and gets up, leaving the equipment there.

-They don’t accept girls either-He reminds her.

-That’s exactly why-Kayleigh laughs.

-By the way, what's your name?-She stops, holding the door.

-I'm Joseph-he says shyly.

-I'm Kayleigh, see you soon, Joseph.

And yes, she tried baseball, but the first time she held the bat, it ended up between the legs of the boy next to her, who fell to the ground groaning in pain.

Kayleigh was thrown out.

Fate was cruel to her when it came to sports, but it only reinforced the idea that she had to continue in karting.

After meeting Joseph, she would see him someday, as she thought, but she would see him every day, until the prom, when after two years together, she finally realized that they would have to separate by force,and how that hurt, not only for her but for him too.

-I can’t believe you’re going to Europe, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m going to tell Ohio State to go fuck itself, I’ll go with you wherever you have to go, but I don’t want to be away from you.-His cheeks already reddened from the cold, he said.

-Stop saying that, you’ve been given an incredible opportunity, you have to take advantage of it.-She tried to convince him.

-But I can’t imagine being away from you.-Hearing that, she lay down on his lap.

-We’ll get through this, you’ll see, and we’ll be strong.

The first year away was the hardest, not only for Joseph, but for her parents too, because seeing their daughter try to make a living racing karts, traveling all over Europe, was something that made them so proud, but at the same time so apprehensive.The second year seemed to be easier. They were already well accustomed to the routine of video calls, social media, messages, letters. They sent polaroids to hang up. Once, Joseph even caught himself putting his perfume on the paper to make sure she could smell him. They exchanged gifts, everything.

Until the careers arrived on television, Joseph could sit down and look for the channel to watch her and she could pick up the phone and watch the college divisionals.The fifth year passed, the sixth too, and then the seventh, when Joe finally took off in his career in American football, being drafted by the Cincinnati Bengals.

And the following year, Kayleigh did what she never imagined she would be able to do: she reached Formula One, after almost dying waiting for this event. Of course the party was huge, she returned to her country with all possible honor, suddenly a little girl from Ohio was going to compete for a title for a team and everyone wanted to know what this little girl does and better, where are the American boys who are not having the same prominence?But she could never say that it had any real effect on the American public. Formula One is still a playboy thing for them, to the point where they even consider golf a more accessible sport.

Just as she was there for Joe's big debut, he was there for his big debut, of course,but their contracts ended up preventing more contact. They had to train, they had to focus, they couldn't travel long distances or do physical work before their work, and they also couldn't be too far away from their work.

It allowed them to spend a few moments together. She would catch his last games if he made the playoffs and he would catch her first races,so much time apart didn't make their love diminish. On the contrary, seeing each other's achievements seemed to only strengthen their love for each other.And even without knowing, there was someone who was not at all happy with this growing love.

-Joe said he'll call me soon.-She jumps around the room excitedly, waiting for someone to call her to give her the prize.

-Hmm- Max makes an annoyed face, leaving his helmet on the stand.

-That's cute, it's the middle of the night in the United States, isn't it?-Carlos asks her, all smiles.

-Yes, it's the middle of the night and he stayed up.-She doesn't hide her smile.

-Really the last of the romantics.-Max rolls his eyes.

-Stop being annoying, she's so happy.-Carlos watches her like a doting father.

Max glares at him, enough for the Spaniard to avoid him and stay quiet.

And of course, the next day, as always happens after every race, Joe sends her a huge bouquet, with a dedication and, when he is present, romantic letters.For most people around him, it is just his European or rather, Dutch humor.

But for those who actually live with him and see the mistakes he makes and notices, the way he treats her when she talks about other things and when she talks about Joe, they understand very well.

Max messed up her hair, trying to free her mind from those thoughts, from that feeling, but realized it was difficult.After another podium with her, another trip to a random bar with everyone involved, the country's biggest celebrities and everything else, he could no longer stand two things.

The first, Charles flirting even with the walls of the place.

The second, the fact that she trusted George more than him, to tell him the reason for her 37th breakup with Joe.

-I honestly don't understand you guys, one moment you say that distance is good, the next you break up because of distance, make up your mind damn it-George, tired of the situation, slammed his hand on the table.He fixed his hair, looked around and composed himself.

-Sorry man, I got carried away-He spoke like most people do sometimes, treating her like a man.

-I know it's not the most normal thing to do, but it tires me out-She said finally, she didn't want to waste her friend's night with this, much less make him occupy his mind with his problems.

She went to the bar to order another drink, without realizing who was next to her.

-Did you bump into something?-She heard someone ask and then looked to the side to see Max.

-What do you mean?-She immediately became confused.

-Your leg is kind of purple,-he says.

-Oh, let's just say I might have fallen on my suitcase- She rolls her eyes.

-It's the third time this season.-He holds back his laughter.

-She goes everywhere and sometimes it happens.-She shrugs.

-Your suitcase can make you more purple than your boyfriend, I think it's time to trade him for her.-Max takes a sip of his drink, savoring every note of it, satisfied with yet another mean comment about Joe. He knows how distance affects him and that's nothing more than a psychological game, sending indirect messages that hurt.

As always, she remained silent, discreetly observing her leg and trying to cover the bruise, with her face reddened.

-I can't blame him, he's going after his dream." She answers for the first time, even if a while later and too quietly, as if she wasn't even there anymore.

Until the girl asks herself, why is Max worried about this?

For a second, Max almost misses the destination of the glass, looking at her.

-Really, there are men whose only dream is to chase a ball, not to have trophies and a woman who loves him.-He takes the opportunity to retort.

-Thanks for ruining the rest of my night, Max, you're always so sensitive.-She answers, choked, finishes her drink and walks towards the exit with long strides.

Max remains there at the bar, staring at the various bottles, some full, others half full, thinking that once again she leaves angry with him, because he doesn't defend her dear Joe.

-You don't have to be so rude all the time, I know you're used to guys around here, but you have to realize that there are girls around here now and they deserve to be treated with kindness and affection, did you know that women are people too?Lewis appears at her side, irritated by the situation.

-Have you stopped talking, Lewis Senna Hamilton?He scoffed.

Max was already drunk enough to almost drag himself back to the hotel.

And even after spending the next few hours thinking about whether or not to knock on her door, as he always does when he’s drunk, he decided it wasn’t the right time.

When he woke up with the sun and that strange feeling, since that’s usually when he goes to sleep, thanks to the jet lag, he allowed himself the luxury of staying a few more minutes in that comfortable bed, under all those sheets, grabbing the fluffiest of his pillows to hug, trying to get it into his head that he was hugging her, trying to get it into his mind that he woke up next to her that morning, it seems he was so used to doing this every morning that with each passing day, the images became clearer in his mind and the sensations stronger.

And for the next race he had a surprise, he jumped out and took off his helmet and head protector, looking in disbelief at the smiling couple on the sidelines watching the track.

-Joe, should I congratulate you or say my condolences? Max gives his best sarcastic smile.

-I don't understand- Joe's radiant smile fades.

-What do you expect from a player? Max grumbles, he had meters around to pass and reach his destination, a screen to review his training, but he made sure to pass between the two, bumping into Joe.

He placed his helmet on the table next to him, silently completing the malicious thought, about his possible dubious qi, when he saw Joe approaching through the shadow on the ground, his smile only grew wider.

Kayleigh decided to leave, aware that they would have some kind of argument.

-I don't understand your stubbornness, Max- Joe confessed, watching Max from a few inches away.

-I say it over and over again, what can you expect from a player? Max rolls his eyes.

-And what are you, don’t you play in this?Joe retorts.

-I’m a pilot, it’s different-he says, convinced.

On the side of the track, tired and just waiting for time to pass, the topic, as always, was just one.

-Max is PMSing- Lando comments while sitting on the floor.

-We should take up a collection and pay a gynecologist, so she can prescribe some medicine, I don’t know- Hulkenberg adds.

-I think what he needs is a psychiatrist, one minute he’s calm, the next he wants to kill you, he’s crazy- Lewis concludes.

-He just needs some time to calm down, recharge his batteries and rest- George defends him.

But he ends up getting angry looks from everyone.

-For this and other reasons, I stay away from that snake pit they call Red Bull, God forbid I have to deal with that creature - Charles says, looking disdainfully at their reserved space.

-No offense, Kay- He makes his observation.

-No offense, I can't stand it anymore- She confesses.

-Not even Kayleigh throws this tantrum when she's on her period, honestly we don't even know when that happens, thanks for sparing us- Lando thanks her, making her laugh.

-I think there are certain details that aren't necessary- She comments.

Max walks past the group with firm steps.

-No one moves their ass in this place, then they complain about the podium- He sends the indirect message with his angry eyes.

Everyone there exchanges glances.

-Hold the Japanese- Ricciardo warns.

-Why? Charles finds the request strange.

-I’m warning you, hold the Japanese guy-he repeats.

And indeed, poor Tsunoda is at breaking point with Max.

Joe left, but Max’s sourness didn’t.

During breakfast at the hotel, Pierre’s strawberries were more sour than expected.

-Her boyfriend leaves and doesn’t get a bruise on his neck, he’s a real wimp- Max grumbles, savoring his waffles.

George’s eyes widen, he wipes his mouth with the napkin next to him.

-Max, how rude. He glances at Max out of the corner of his eye.

But Pierre has the most priceless face, he looks like he’s eaten something spoiled.

-Jesus, you weirdo, who says that, keeps an eye on others, has he become a tax inspector now? He left his comment.

-Watch out guys, there are people watching our necks- Lando dramatically covers his with his sweatshirt.

-I think you should start thinking about where and when you say certain things, Max- Carlos warns him, earning his laugh.

-Why? Do you know anything?” The Dutchman stared at him.

-Common sense Max, just common sense- he retorted.

-That was ridiculously sexist, Max, if that’s what you say, imagine what you think- Lewis gives him his best disapproving look.

-Have you finished your testimony Lewis?Max provokes him.

Max’s life became increasingly complicated there, with the boys and his provocations, little by little choosing to be alone, but not as much as Kayleigh's, who, in addition to having to put up with his mood swings, also has to put up with Joe's suspicions.

His jealousy used to have no name, but now it has a first and last name. Kayleigh only sees one reason for it, the fact that they work together, nothing else could make sense, andexplaining it doesn't seem to help, Joe found himself wondering why they exchanged smiling handshakes live, if she hates him so much.

-Do you really think that after the race, I'll remember how much I hate him? Of course not, Joe. I just think that I won or that I need to improve, hug everyone involved and leave. - She explains, pacing back and forth across the room.

-I don't want to be the annoying guy, but he doesn't look like he hates you, he seems to take advantage of your innocence. - Joe says almost desperately.

-What innocence, Joe? - She asks him.

-Kay, I don't want to fight over this guy. I'm just saying that this isn't something that makes me comfortable. You're walking around half the world with them in a place full of men working, next to several men, and that bothers me. Not only because of jealousy, I don't know, maybe they'll try to do something to you. -

-Jesus, Joe, don't say something like that. I understand your side, okay. I'm not saying you're wrong, but you need to trust me. I won't betray your trust. I haven't done that in all these years. Why would I do it now? - She tries to calm him down.

-Sorry for stressing you out. - He sighs heavily.

And it's been like this for a while.

Even when they're not at work, free to visit somewhere, Max seems to show up in the same place as her or simply in a place nearby, which makes Joe even more suspicious.

But Max couldn't stop there. When he saw her calmly standing there taking some notes, Max approached her with the excuse of seeing what she was writing down and it was then that he took the opportunity to bring his face too close to hers, which left her somewhat speechless. He placed his hand on her hip, giving her a discreet caress.

-Studying for the race, kitten?- He smiled at her reaction, a mix of confusion and embarrassment.

-Sorry Kay, I forget that you're sensitive to male touches. He laughed, leaving her blushing and finally going where he wanted.

She closed her eyes, not liking it at all. His provocations were getting more and more personal with Joe.

Whenever Max managed to get the slightest hint, he would walk away smiling.

But this time, George decided to confront him.

-You should be ashamed of touching women who are in a committed relationship inappropriately- he says, somewhat indignantly.

-Have you had your tea yet, dear English nobleman?" George rolls his eyes.

-Max, I'm serious, that's not cool, it could cause unnecessary confusion- he insists.

-You look so cute saying 'unnecessary'.Max laughs at the guy, who decides to get more serious.

-When Joe gets pissed off and comes to punch you in the face, don't tell me I never warned you.

-Before he punches me in the face, he'll punch you in the face, because you're the little friend who's always around, hugging and advising when they break up. Do you really think he's going to come after me, George?

-I'm in a committed relationship, I've never done this with bad intentions. He doesn't like the accusation.

-Wow, now I'm confused, is this a swing or a threesome? Max laughs to himself.

George stopped walking at the same moment, offended and even more shocked by another accusation.

When he realized it, Max took a few steps back and ruffled his hair.

-Just kidding, George, you're so cute.

But even his happiest days get bad when he sees the two of them together on social media, kisses, dates, more kisses. Max is sure that if Joe knew how jealous he is of him, for being able to love the woman he loves, he would definitely dig a hole to the center of the earth and stay there, far from Max's eyes.

He has thought countless times about using Joe's number saved on his phone, to send some manipulated photo or one that would have a double meaning, but knowing the two of them, he believes that even that would be reason to break up and get back together after a few days.

But it's these photos, the flowers, the letters, her giggles in the corners of the hotel, that make him freak out when he shouldn't. After being next to her in one of the endless meetings and noticing his new gift, a ring on her finger, that was enough for Max to find any reason to start stomping his feet and shouting. And sometimes he even measures her before the race, in the best possible way, as if he were casting a curse on her. -Damn, did you two fight? The boy asks her. -Honestly, I don't know, he left the meeting shouting, now he just looks at me like that. She sighs tiredly. At one of the parties, thanks to Charlie, he can talk to her a little. -You know, girls, sometimes we reach 200 kilometers per hour.He boasts, the trio of friends start drooling in French. -You could say that I am speed. He gives her his most seductive smile.

Max denied it and snorted.

-If I say something like that, I'll get a restraining order.- He takes a good sip of his drink.

-Also, with a sensitive mood like that, you can be sure that many would be afraid. She teased.

-So I don't have a chance? He used his playful tone.

-You're quite cheeky, you know. She lightly took his hand as a quick friendly caress, more for his level of need, that wasn't just a caress.

Max took her hand, lifting it and bringing it to his lips, finally leaving a caress there.

She was embarrassed, but she couldn't see any harm in anything Max did; for her, that was just an apology for the previous treatment.

But from that day on, it could be said that Max started to look at her more, in increasingly shameless ways.

Once again, with a podium in his hands, he waited for her, making sure to catch her eyes, just so she could see him measuring her completely, and she could see that it really affected her.

Or another time, when she was already embarrassed by him staring at her, while she watched the screen with the replay of some moments of the race, he caressed her face, giving her a wink.

She certainly doesn't know what to do with that.

Joe can't dream of that, while Max seems to love it.

But what she didn't expect was for someone to tell Joe about the flirting and say that she is increasingly cornered by the situation.

Unfortunately for Joe, in the middle of his season and fortunately for Max, in the middle of Joe's season.

One day after getting out of the car, Max was waiting for her, not giving her much space to walk away, the girl took off her helmet without knowing what that was, does he want to solve something? Are they going to slap each other or something like that? She wondered.

-How are you, Max? She looked at him.

-You were amazing, you know that? He spoke softly, raising his hands again to her hips and patting them a few times.

-Thanks, I have to go - she said, without giving Max any space. He wanted to know how she was when her only option was to be ridiculously close to him.

The group was confused, to say the least, they didn't know what the hell was going on and what the atmosphere was like.

As Max walked away with firm steps, when he saw that she was far away, he decided to try to get along with the Red Bull team.

-Sometimes I forget that she's not a guy - he laughed for no reason, but he's not like the other boys, who really do forget that she's the woman there. Max remembers who she is every second.

But Joe's situation is nothing that a phone call can't solve.

-Joe, I don't understand who told you that? He asked.

-Someone I trust- Joe justifies himself.

-Joe, I'm going to be honest, if I had the chance to sleep with her, you can be sure I would have done it already, as many times as I could and you can be sure that every time I lie down in my bed, I wonder why it hasn't happened yet and guess what, it's your fault- Max decides to be honest just to hear what Joe has to say.

-You're really brave to say something like that, you know? You know what, I'm going to kill you- Joe gets upset enough for Max to have some difficulty understanding what he's saying, the Dutchman gave his best laugh.

-You know, just a simple touch on her hip makes her all embarrassed, it makes me wonder how long it's been since she's been with a real man, but apparently I don't think that's ever happened, especially since she's only been with you- He continued his provocations.

-Joe, it's really cool that you're the cute guy who gives flowers after every race, gives gifts, writes letters, but if I were you I'd start to worry, because there are a lot of people watching her and I'm one of those people- Joe snorted from the other side.

-Because you can be sure that if I were her boyfriend, her legs wouldn't need a stupid touch to go weak, a simple look would be enough to make her remember a lot of things, things like that my friend, let's be honest, we're among friends here, you don't- Max stabbed the last time, hearing a sound of something breaking and he was sure it wasn't a glass but the phone.

Kayleigh almost didn't find out anything, they both avoided the subject just waiting for the other to tell.

But as the races went by, the atmosphere between Max and her seemed increasingly confused.

With the end of another race, Max lifted her up in a hug that at the moment, out of joy, she didn't stop to think about everything that was happening, but Joe did.

-The thing is, if it were me, it wouldn't be just fucking work- Joe shouted loud enough for her to have to pull the phone away from her ear.

-It was just a hug Joe, we've been together for I don't know three, four years, we work side by side, I understand your jealousy, don't think I don't understand, I do understand and in your place I would be like that too, I'll talk to him okay, I promise I'll talk to him and we'll work this out- She tries to calm him down having this idea.

-Kayleigh Hawkins I trust you, please don't make me lose that trust in you, I love you regardless of whether we can't spend a month together without breaking up, I don't know what I would do without you- He asks sighing heavily on the other side.

-I never did anything to make you doubt me, you know that Joe, if I didn't like you, I wouldn't be with you until today, swallowing all these breakups, just promise me that you'll calm down, okay? I love you - She says finally.

She went to sleep and tried to calm her mind, she needed to be calm and talk to Max the right way, she knows how he is, even if she's a little uncomfortable with all this extra contact they're having, there's no reason to do this to Joe, to let him suffer with a situation that's already driving him crazy, he's far away and the only thing she can do is trust that they're telling him the truth.

She got ready, took pictures with everyone who asked and went into the nightclub, this time looking for Max, the first thing she thought would be that he'd be at the bar, as he always does, but nothing.

She spotted George and it doesn't hurt to try.

She nudged him lightly so that he would lean in without leaving the circle of conversation.

-Have you seen Max? She asks him.

-Thank God I haven't seen Satan today. I heard he came to Earth in the body of this Max guy, but honestly I think Max is the one possessing the devil. George turns back to the group of friends. Okay, that's not the information she wanted to hear today.

She asked Lando the question, indiscreetly interrupting him and a girl she doesn't know, earning a free kick.

-Man, I haven't seen him - Pierre says, already out of habit in the male environment.

She sighs, imagining two hypotheses: either he's hiding out with some girls or he's gone back to the hotel.

She quickly makes sure to send a message to Joe, saying that he's definitely with some woman and that she's going to wait a little longer to look for him again. She rolls her eyes at having to do that, still feeling like she's going to be really embarrassed.

She picked up her drink and decided to walk around again until she saw him walking outside with his glass and sitting alone at a table.

She hurried, she needed to be quick, she didn't want anyone to arrive in the middle of the process.

When she walked through the door, it was clear that he found it strange that she went there, he gave her a small smile that was returned.

-Can I sit here? She politely asked for one of the empty seats.

He put his hands under the armrest of his chair with a big smile.

-You can sit wherever you want.

-Okay - she mumbled tensely.

-What do you need? He asked her, making her a little embarrassed.

If he was having a bad day, it could get even worse, so she decided to be as cautious as possible.

-Joe talked to me yesterday, he was a little upset about our hug, he got jealous of you and you know, I don't want that to get in the way of anything, not you, me or him, so if you could reduce the physical contact it would be a big help. She smiles nervously.

Joe said he's jealous? he asks with the same apathetic expression.

It was then that his laughter startled her.

-Yeah, I know, it's irrational. She quickly agrees, starting to lose her voice and blush with embarrassment, she didn't need to be making such a fool of herself, she thought.

Max froze when he heard that and with his best ironic tone, asked her to continue.

-We've known each other for years, we work together on the same team, it's crazy to say this, I'm really sorry for this boring conversation, but I promised him I'd talk to you, you know- she's already preparing for the next kick, he'd probably say it's a favor not to have to hug her and that would be the kindest thing she could imagine that could come out of his mouth.

-First of all, I'm an educated man, so I wouldn't be talking nonsense, smiling, complimenting, or any of that crap to someone I'm not interested in. We both know you're smart, you don't need to force it so much. She's in a mix of understanding and not understanding.

He looks at her and realizes he's only confused her even more.

-Tell your boyfriend, if he's jealous, he'll have to have the balls to come here to solve it - Max says, enjoying the situation.

-This will create an unnecessary situation, you know, you don't need all this for a misunderstanding- she explains again.

-Let me explain something to you, since you didn't have the tact to notice, from the damn moment I met you, well before I knew that this idiot was your boyfriend, I was already in love with you and something stopped me from talking to you, my girlfriend. Now I'm single and nothing stops me from talking to you. Are you going to say you never noticed? Her feet fell, as she tried to reason, she felt a cold hand go up her thigh. She froze there, not knowing what to do, looking at Max who had the most peaceful expression in the world.

She looked down, seeing the hem of her loose black dress rising higher and higher, exposing the area. She couldn't understand how Max, who distributes rudeness, now had a hand on her thigh. She delicately brought her hand to meet his, making eye contact with him again, but when she thought she would stop her hand, she only made him squeeze the spot and get even closer to where he shouldn't.

-Max I think you- She prepares to get up, but he is faster.

-Sit down, we're not done talking - he uses his most gentle tone, but even so it's hard to say anything.

-That idiot Joe has even threatened to kill me, you know, because he knows that I like you and I made one thing clear to him and now it's going to be clear to you, the only thing I need is for you to say yes, you know where my room is, it's always next to yours, it's not hard to find, when you get tired of this idiot you can knock on my door. - He walks away.

-That's not how it works, it's not about getting tired of my boyfriend -She is cut off.

-I don't know how and what you like about him, so yes, it's a matter of getting tired of him

Even with the shock, she stayed quiet and didn't say anything to anyone, she thought that would make things easier, but everything got worse with Max.

Now besides being a sweetheart, he's simply everywhere.

This includes grabbing her hand when she is focused on the training screens, indiscreetly measuring her and, what has caught the team's attention the most, the number of times he touches her hair.

On another day, finishing some notes about the current track, she doesn't know when he appeared, but he started massaging her shoulders, slowly moving up to her neck. The first thing she did was cough to discreetly send him away, which didn't help.

-You need to relax, Kay, you're too tense - he says quietly.

One of the guys on the team walked by them.

-I'm enjoying seeing you helping each other, Red Bull spirit - the guy leaves smiling.

-Max, that's enough, you're going too far -she says through clenched teeth.

-That's my specialty. He laughed, one of his arms serving as support so he could slide his hand down her spine as far as he could reach, slowly moving up, noticing her held breath.

-You need to relax, why don't you take a deep breath and let my hands help you?He suggested.

-I need you to stop with the double-meaning jokes - She asked.

He didn't answer, he just brought his fingers to the back of her neck, massaging the tips of them and moving down a little, he got as close as the backless bench would allow, pressing her head against his torso, and finally sliding his fingers from her jaw until they almost reached her lap.

-And what kind of massage is this? Can you explain it to me? She asked reluctantly.

-A casual massage, like any other, I think that massage is more about touching someone's skin until you see relaxation appear, and that angle of you is wonderful - He teased, aware that with the force used there it would be difficult for her to move.

-Max, I didn't know you could give a massage - Lando shouts from outside.

-That's great for those who wear a helmet.

-I'll have one - Lando says, and Charles agrees next to him.

-Me too.

-Sure, boys. I'll be right there when I'm done. He smiles at the two of them, who continue on their way.

-Why aren't you writing it down? Did you forget what you wanted? He gives his most fake tone of concern.

But by giving her the massage right there, he makes it difficult for her to say anything.

He then gently lowers his fingers and finishes, bending down a little so that he's at the height of her neck.

-Stop pretending you didn't like it. Considering that you're dating Joe and how much your skin is crawling, I think you should go to the bathroom and get yourself together - he pats her shoulder.

-It's great to see how satisfying these hands are, not just on the steering wheel. He laughs, walking away and giving her another wink. Kayleigh closed the notebook, wanting to bury her face in the ground. This can't be happening. Max can't be serious. But he is very serious and to make the test complete, he decided to tease her with a little more than words. The situation has already escalated to a point where she doesn't know if she can keep denying it and, worse, what to say to Joe when he calls at the end of the day and she has the same scared expression. Suddenly, the guy who was a jerk to everyone has become an angel with her and, on top of that, says he's in love with her, to the point of making a scene. The point is, she doesn't know how far he's going with the description, but Max knows well.

Tsunoda, who is next to the two, was a bit embarrassed by his face towards her and hers towards the floor. He doesn't know if coughing would help to start a conversation or if anything else, the atmosphere around them became unpleasant and even tense. 

She was grateful when she saw Carlo approaching, smiling as always, and greeted everyone, but before they could say anything. 

-We would make a beautiful couple, wouldn't we? He points at her, who freezes in disbelief. 

-Isn't she with Joe? Carlos asks. 

-I didn't ask about him, I'm talking about us. Tsunoda and Sainz stare at each other, not knowing what to say, along with her, who has wide eyes. 

-Of course, they would be great, she's very pretty and you - Carlos is cut off. 

-Really, she's beautiful. Max gives his best smile to Kay, who pretends not to have heard anything.

-I heard Lando calling me, bye guys. He left in a hurry without looking back. It didn't matter that they must have been there for an event or something, he would arrive at the last minute and that was it.

But her destination ended up being the same as his.

Max took advantage of the hotel corridor being empty, to reach her and hug her body from behind, holding her. Kay moved, trying to get out of the tight spot, and then Max decided to play it low, going up to her neck and nibbling it.

-Can't you see that it's crowded here, can't you see that this is going to hurt me? She asked him irritably, trying to stop him from continuing to caress her.

-You said that I always mistreated you, I'm just treating you the way I should, making my interests obvious to everyone. He replied.

And then only two breaths were heard in the hallway, Max continued the attack on her neck, sliding his hand until he reached the hem of the woman's pants where she quickly grabbed him.

-Are you going to run away again? You know that the more you run the better it is for me, because then I'll feel like I've won you over. He then released her, turning her to face him.

When he realized, he was against a wall in one of the many empty hallways, Max brought his hand to her face, squeezing her cheeks.

-Do you know how much it hurt me to spend four years of my life, seeing you with that clown, while you were always by my side? Do you know what it's like to see him deliver flowers, letters and then suddenly it all ends, you feel hope, then you come back and all this repeats itself over and over again, meanwhile, I'm the guy who's always here, do you know how horrible that is? He asked her somewhat irritated, not with her anymore, but with the situation.

-Not even when you were hospitalized after a crash, he showed up, like a good teammate I went there, do you understand now how much I need you to dump him and let me make you truly happy? he asked, letting his hand slip.

He steps away slightly, Kay runs her hands through her hair, messing it up, looking to one side nothing but an empty hallway, looking to the other the same and Max in front of her waiting for the answer.

-You guys break up all the damn time, break up with him, spend some time with me and then if you regret it, which I highly doubt, you go back to him. Max waits for her decision, staring at her.

-I can't... he quickly cuts her off.

-You can't throw away your childhood love, a beautiful childhood love that you see for three months and then only next year."

She swallows that.

-I may not be the nicest guy, nor as loved by everyone as he is, but I will be here and I know very well how much you want someone who is here. He gently takes her hand.

-You want someone who will hold your hand, praise you, watch you run, can do something stupid together, someone who understands you, someone who is not so fickle, someone who is here to wake up next to you, who will hug you at night, who can touch you and he can't do any of that but I can and I want to. The distance between the two became short again until the wall appeared.

Kayleigh took a deep breath and nodded slightly, she was afraid that she was under the effect of his power of persuasion and even more so of those eyes, but she couldn't deny it. She did miss Joe's presence, she loved him, not having him around was always the biggest obstacle.

And this obstacle would only have one solution, one of the two of them giving up their careers.

The fact is that once again they have been separated for a week, but as always she cries on the day and then pretends that nothing happened and they are together.

-We broke up last week - she begins, still thoughtful. -We can try, but I don't want anyone to know, because if nothing works out, I don't want it to become a mess, or for anyone to talk about it - she asks. -They'll start seeing me smile, it'll be kind of obvious - he approaches. -Are you sure?" He asks cautiously first. -Yes - he agrees. Max presses the elevator button, leaves a hand caressing her ear, preparing to finally kiss her for the first time. Max never hides his desire, much less his rush, but even so, he takes Kayleigh by surprise when he lets his hands roam guiltlessly over her body in that hallway.

He finally felt the weight, anger and hurt of all those years being thrown aside, being extracted from her body, he wouldn't say she wanted to wait so long, but being able to drive Joe crazy, just like he had been all this time was wonderful, now he finally has what he wants, her.

[mdhwrites]

You've said before how you feel about Luz abandoning the Isles when they needed her because she refused to try and fix it. I think it's said that she genuinely believed she would only make things worse so she thought she needed to take herself out of the way? Are my memories faulty?

Okay so I'm going to start with a scenario to make my point clear because you're not wrong... But you also are.

Let's say you're assigned two partners for a science project. You decide the best way to split the work up evenly is to have one person do the research, one person to write up the conclusions and one person to do a lot of math for the calculations you'll need. You each state your strengths with one saying writing, one saying research and the last saying, "I like math."

However, a week passes and you are struggling to finish any it because you've gotten none of those calculations for it back. When you push, the person goes, "Well sure, I like math but I suck at it. As such, my calculations would have been wrong. That would have caused you all problems so I decided the thing that made the most sense would be not to do anything at all." The project still needs to be done though and the majority of the work has been done for them. As such, now you and the second person have to work your ass off to do what your third member cannot while they contribute nothing but they promise they feel really bad about it and they're okay taking a C if this ends up making the project fail, even though their actions would have gotten them an F on their own.

Luz likes to make decisions. She essentially never consults ANYONE on what she should do and half the time someone tells her, "Don't do X," she goes ahead and does it. This also constantly gets other people in trouble and gets her in trouble because she is really bad at making decisions. And yes, with helping Belos free the Collector, she admits that she made a terrible mistake and that she makes a lot of mistakes. Her literal statement on this is that she'll finally listen to her mom and learn from her mistakes by staying in the Human Realm. Permanently.

Do you potentially notice a problem here though? Yeah, my thoughts have NEVER stopped at "Luz left a planet to die because she wanted to stay home." No. I always do mention that she claims part of her reasoning is because she makes stupid, rash decisions on her own that hurt others but then she goes ahead and makes a stupid, albeit with implied a LOT of thought, decision ON HER OWN that will hurt people.

Do you know a great way to avoid making a mistake? Asking someone else if it's the right choice to make. Or hey, just decide you don't need to lead anymore. If your decisions are the problem then let someone else make the decisions. But... Then Luz doesn't get to do the fun thing she likes to do. She actually has to listen to other people and maybe do things that aren't her number one option because her first choice would get people hurt. That isn't what Luz wants. Luz doesn't want to actually grow or learn or get scolded for her mistakes. Otherwise, she wouldn't CONSTANTLY LIE ABOUT EVERYTHING.

So instead... Why not just let them suffer the consequences while she stays home and lives in peace, her problems in a far off fantasy realm that she never has to think about again? People always like to say she's giving up so much but what is she actually giving up? The fantasy world? You mean the one that's currently ravaged by a child god and has a populace that she assumes will hate her? Yeah, that's hardly something to give up. The chance at friends? Too bad Thanks to Them shows people who are very interested in being her friend and also Yesterday's Lie showed there are people like Luz who would probably be willing to be her friend. What is Luz sacrificing by deciding to just sit at home with her loving mom and live a normal life?

So why grow? Why learn? Why try to do better? When you can do nothing. That's what Luz wants to do. She wants to just stay home and do nothing, even as that means condemning an entire world, bare minimum at least a continent, which includes her found family and friends, to death. Her claims of trying to do better are nothing but excuses so she can have a clear conscious as she allows thousands upon thousands to be enslaved and tortured.

So yes, she SAYS that she is doing this because she doesn't want to make things worse. The problem is that there are plenty of ways for her to still have even attempted to help without having to make the decisions she's afraid to make worse but those options would require more work and require her not to be the star. And none of this, even if this is the most expanded version of this point, is missing from those past blogs because they also talk about how she claims to have a problem making decisions and yet still makes this choice entirely on her own.

Because she isn't learning. She's just deciding that some broken puppets are a small price to pay to keep getting to do whatever she wants. It is an excuse, end of story. See you next tale.

======+++++======

Sorry for so many blogs about this. It's admittedly to me a very important point because it's the moment Lumity dies. It's the moment that Luz's character can never recover. It's the moment when the TOH fandom became genuinely horrifying when it comes to mental health as THANK GOD no one has tried to refute this with "She has depression" because yes, that will get you blocked if you try to tell me that. I am disabled by depression and I understand lives still matter. I understand I'm not supposed to lie, CONSTANTLY. I understand basic ass morality, unlike Luz. And in this moment, there's no turning back for her, let alone after For the Future when she doubles down on how selfish her desires are.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[billlydear]

Billy and his rings 🫠 anything you want to say is amazing

HC - BILLY HARGROVE AND HIS RINGS (BILLY HARGROVE X READER)

W.C 1438 - INBOX (please request !) - CREDIT TO GIF OWNER

okay, so if my memory serves me he only wears the one consistently, but he's got others on his dresser, right? i'm thinking that maybe they're all special to him, that's why he has them, but the one that he wears every day is the most special.

not to make things terribly sad, but i think his mom probably gave it to him, maybe even the night before she left. she came into his room, shook him awake, slipped it around his neck on a chain, kissed his forehead, told him to keep it safe, and that she loved him a lot. he just smiled all sleepily and promised he'd keep it safe for her, he didn't know why she was taking so long to look at him and smile at him with tears in her eyes. then the next morning he woke up to neil shouting, and she was gone.

when you start dating, he probably thinks about giving you one off of his dresser, but he doesn't for a while. he's still too scared to commit, sure he's your boyfriend and you're his girlfriend but one day you could just up and leave like his mom did, and he doesn't want you taking that much of him with you, if he can help it. but then, the first time you ever come over, definitely when neil is gone, you're poking around his room, snooping in his stuff, and he's sitting back on his bed watching you amusedly. you come across his dish of rings and poke around in there, examining the bands and their patterns.

'pretty,' you murmur, brushing your finger over a silver one that's got a design stamped into it. he knows which one you're holding, and he's still somewhat cautious about you leaving, even if you've told him a thousand times you won't, but it's not the one around his neck, so he decides he'll trust you that much.

'keep it', he grunts, looking down at the one on his middle finger to avoid the eye contact he knows you're trying to make with him, "It can be, like, a couple-y thing. Just- uh.. keep it safe."

he's looking down at his hands in his lap so the only way he knows you're on the bed is when it dips, and you crawl on all-fours to pop your face below his own, peering up at him with a cheesy grin

'you sap,' you giggle, and even though he wants to retreat back into his shell at the teasing, even though he wants to be mean and brush it off, he doesn't, because you lean up to kiss him, and he doesn't have time to think before you're breaking away and turning to sit against his chest.

you maneuver between his legs, slumped down so that your head lays on his chest, and you reach for his hand, the one with the ring. yours is on your middle finger too, so when you lace your hands together, they clink against each other, slotting into place.

"There," You tip your head back so that his chin is snug against your crown, "They match now. We match now."

God, he's so glad that you're sitting with your back to him, because he bites back the biggest, sappiest, most puppy-like smile in the world.

and what's even better, you don't take yours off. He assumes you'll swap it out depending on outfits, moods, days, etc, but you don't. it's part of you now, just like his mom's ring is part of him, and he doesn't miss what that says about the way you feel about him.

he secretly adores the way your cheek is stamped with the mark of his mom’s band when you fall asleep with your face on his hand 🥹 if he notices it before you’re awake he’ll kiss the mark all soft and sweet

sometimes, he has to take his mom's ring off. during the shower it gets caught in his hair and pulls, hard, so whenever he's showering while you're around, he hands it to you instead of setting it on the counter. or when he's doing the dishes, he doesn't want it to get old food on it, so he places it in your palm, tells you to take it for a little while, and tries not to smile at the sight of it around your finger.

you always always always remember to give it back to him, though, because you know how much it means to him. except.. one night. he'd been washing your dinner plates, and he'd handed it off to you distractedly. He watched you put it on just to be sure, but then you'd had to rush home because of the time, and he didn't remember to grab it back from you, nor did you remember to take it off and slip it back to him.

it means that exactly seven minutes and twenty-three seconds after getting into bed that night, he starts getting drowsy and tucks his hand under his pillow, and in doing so, sees that it's... bare. he's instantly in a panic, stomach dropping and eyes widening. he is not sleepy anymore, he's shooting out of bed and grabbing the phone like it owes him money

he knows you have it, he's trying to tell himself that it's okay, but neil has always called him.. not so nice things.. for wearing a ring, a ladies' ring, and he can't shake the idea that maybe he'd gotten his hands on it somehow. his fingers are shaking, almost too much to dial your number. but he gets it eventually, and he hopes he’s not breathing too shakily against the receiver.

you barely get a, ‘hello?’ out before he blurts, “Y/N, you have my ring, right?”

“Oh, Billy,” you glance down at your hand, and, sure enough, it’s there, “I’m sorry! I just forgot, I-”

“It’s fine,” he audibly sighs, trying to calm his pounding heart, “It’s fine. Just- keep it safe, okay? Can I get it from you tomorrow?”

“of course,” you promise, and even though he’s anxious about not having it on his hand, he knows he can trust you with it, “See you tomorrow, Billy.”

he asks you for it first thing, he barely even hugs you before he’s staring at your hand, his ring definitely not on it, “Uh, babe, you got my ring?”

“Here,” You reach into the neckline of your shirt, pulling out a chain that his mom’s ring is strung on, “I just gotta-”

while you unclasp it, Billy watches with a funny feeling in his heart. it’s a scene from his memory, a sweet creature with his mama’s ring around their neck. All at once his mom’s words hit him, and he realizes it’s never been safer. It’s important to him, and so are you. You’re his safe place, and his mom would have loved you, he knows that. For the first time he’s sure you won’t leave, he knows you won’t.

he also thinks that maybe she was never talking about the ring in the first place. Maybe she was talking to the ring, taking a symbol of her love and asking it to keep her baby safe. And it feels right to pass it on, to make sure his mama keeps you safe too. So he reaches back to where you’re fumbling with the clasp, pulling your hands away from it.

“You can keep it.” He decides, leaning in to kiss your forehead, “Just.. keep it safe, okay?” And maybe he doesn’t know who he’s talking to either. Maybe it’s you, maybe it’s the ring, but either way, he wants it around your neck.

you’re stunned, for more reasons than one. First, of course, it’s his mom’s. He’s told you about it before, that’s why you’re always so diligent about getting it back to him safe. And second, he’s never done that to you before. Sure, he kisses your face when you’re about to sleep, maybe his lips against your cheek or your nose, but he doesn’t usually let himself get sappy enough to grab your face and kiss your forehead. You want to push back, to insist that he keeps his special ring, but this obviously means a lot to him, more than you’ll ever understand.

so you keep it, and now you have two of his rings on you at all times. He touches them a lot, he’ll fiddle with your necklace or spin the one around your finger, but he never takes them back, and that’s how you know he loves you

[sweatertheman]

@pap03 this was SUPPOSED to be in a reblog of your explanation of noelle, following me reiterating that its correct to say noelle will justify any shitty behavior so long as someone she trusts says its okay, but the post got EATEN by the FUCKING SCHOOL WIFI and now I have to write it all again, so.

I don't know if you'll agree with me on this, but isn't there just something unfair about the way Noelle gets treated compared to Susie? I mean, Noelle gets pretty much everything handed to her. Everyone likes her and treats her well, and is willing to justify her actions and have everything she wants, because she's sad and having a hard time at home, but guess what! So is Susie!

Noelle may have a mean mom and sick dad, but she has a home, money, friends, a family, food, and Susie doesn't get any of that! Susie may not even have a place to sleep at night! And what does Susie get? She gets treated like dirt by everyone around her! She gets demonized by people over nothing, excluded from social activities, mocked behind her back.

Noelle has pretty much everything, success, safety, love, and she's still unhappy! She feels entitled to Susie's affection, feels like Kris owes her information on Susie because she was nice to them. She treats Susie like a possession. And what, Susie is supposed to accept that?! To accept whatever crumbs of respect Noelle can throw her? To be happy to recieve a lunchbox full of chalk?!

The utter gall of Noelle to give the homeless starving girl chalk to eat, when she has the money to buy her real food that she needs, just because Kris happened to say that she ate some chalk. Even if Susie likes eating chalk, its not like she has a choice! She's starving! I am 100% sure Susie would rather have some fucking rice and hot dogs than chalk, but noooo! Noelle gets to decide for her, because she's the starry-eyed blonde althetic rich girl, and Susie is the filthy, poor bully who Noelle gets to whisk away into romance.

This isn't to say Noelle doesn't have problems, but it sure is to say Noelle acts so entitled about them! She feels owed Kris' cooperation in her obsession because she was nice to them, she feels like Susie is hers and no one else's, because her dad told her it was okay. I don't even really blame her for this, because everyone has always treated her with nothing but respect and admiration.

But God, Susie deserves better! Susie has nothing at all, no food, no home, no family, no friends, not even the freedom to choose! Everyone treats her like she's scum, mocks her, everyone would absolutely bully her back if they weren't so scared of her. And despite all this, Susie doesn't get anything! She's expected by the people around her to simply put up with it to take this awful hand and bear it. When Susie lashes out at the world, it's treated as proof that she's terrible. And when the perfect angel that is Noelle deigns to give her some fucking office supplies to eat and gives her a compliment or two, she's expected to thank her and give her all her love and affection, expected to be hers now just because Noelle is sad and needs some comfort?!

Likewise, Noelle has a giant house, a loving father, a strict bitch of mother who does still seem to love her, money, success, food, the love and respect of all her peers, and she still wants to lash out! Life gave Noelle like, three hardships. Her dad is sick, her mother is mean, and her sister is missing. Despite that, she has a great life. But it's not enough for her! The slight fate made against her is something she can't move on from, she can't move on from the hole Dess left in her life. When Noelle gets upset or lashes out, people come to comfort her, they respect her anger, they disregard her cruelties. Noelle is given all the choice, all the freedom. The most you can say is that she has the social pressure of others on her not to excersize that freedom how she pleases. But what does Noelle want to do with that freedom? She wants to lash out over the one tragedy she can't move on from, or to lash out at the world for not giving her what she wanted. Her pain over the loss of her sister is valid, but she doesn't get to act like it means she deserves to do whatever she wants!

It's honestly insulting how Susie gets treated compared to Noelle. Noelle gets everything handed to her because everyone likes her and feels bad for her, and she's still unhappy despite that. Susie has nothing, and is constantly demonized, but isn't expected to want more, isn't allowed to have the freedom to do as she pleases.

Noelle's idolization of Susie makes me angry for this reason, because Noelle already has everything, but still wishes she had the power to lash out at the world, to be mean to people who only ever show her kindness, to get back at the world for hurting her and to tear back the things she lost. She has no respect or understanding for Susie's situation, and just romanticizes the idea of not having to follow anyone's rules, not having to be nice. Susie doesn't make aggressive shows of her freedom because she wants to, she does it because if she didn't, she would loose the few freedoms she had. If Susie didn't steal food and eat trash, she'd starve. If she didn't wear a tough front, she'd be mocked and bullied herself. Susie doesn't have a choice! She isn't allowed to be all touchy feely, isn't allowed to be sad about the wrongs done to her. The world chewed her up and spit her out and she has to fight tooth and nail to claw back everything they took from her!

I got a bit worked up there, but yeah. Susie deserves better. It isn't fair for Noelle to be woobified because she's sad about the couple things which went wrong for her, while being ungrateful for everything she has, while Susie is demonized for every action she takes no matter how mundane because she's weird and has dirty clothes and looks scary, and to be expected to be grateful for whatever spare change the world that fucked her over can be bothered to throw.

Please, let me know what you think, pap!

[sunnyie-eve]

2 | Bring us closer

Series: Uttermost Lifestyle

Paring: Johnny Knoxville x Original female character

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Mention of rape

| MASTERLIST |

~

This morning Caiden begged to go to work with me so I agreed to keep him off to the side. He was actually just excited to see a small film crew for a tv show.

"Great, Alex is here to watch me get sprayed by a skunk." Johnny smiles as I walk into the building.

"I don't have to join, right? I've been sprayed when I was younger and it was terrible." I look at the crew.

"Nope just watching." Jeff tells me and I'm thankful.

"When you aren't doing anything we wanna have you just watch some of us so we can get close to you. So you feel comfortable around us." Johnny walks over putting his arm around my shoulder.

"That's fine by me. And if I wanna try something anyone is doing, I can right?" I ask them.

"If you want to go for it." Jeff says as they get things set to go.

"Oh, I hope it's okay I brought Caiden today. He begged to come with me." I move over to him.

"I didn't know you have a little brother." Johnny smiles at him.

"He's not, he's my son." I wrap my arms around him but as soon as he sees Chris he takes off.

"I'm sorry for assuming." Johnny apologizes.

"Don't I get it all the time. I had him while in high school because of my ex. It's a long story." I didn't wanna just throw all my personal stuff at him when this is our second time meeting.

"I got time. That's if you wanna tell me." He takes a seat on desk behind him.

"We were at his older friend's party and he made me drink a lot. I wasn't all there and he took advantage of me." I lean against the wall.

"He raped you and got you pregnant." Johnny says not sugar coating it like I do.

"Yeah but I got my world out of it. It's just us two most of the time, along with Chris." I laugh adding him.

"I have a daughter whose four. My ex and I have good relationship so I can see her." He tells me.

"Kyle, Caiden's father, wanted nothing to do with him for six years. Suddenly he pops up on his birthday wanting to try but always gets Caiden's hopes up. Yesterday Caiden told me Kyle went to the school trying to take him out early. For school records he has no father information. When he was born the only dude by my side was Chris. Yeah, Kyle is on record as the father but I gave him my last name."

"Good, he's a piece of shit that doesn't deserve to be apart of Caiden's life. He has a wonderful mother." Johnny gives me a smile.

"You don't even know me." I laugh.

"Chris said a lot trying to get you this job." He laughs standing up straight.

"You still technically don't know me. Especially what kind of mother I am." I cross my arms.

"I don't need to know because I can see it and it's all in the eyes too." He points at them.

"Why you starring so deep into my eyes, man?" I make my eyes wide.

"You're supposed to keep eye contact when having a conversation with someone. Let's get going because I gotta skunk to meet." He grabs my arm pulling me with him.

"Are you coming Caiden or are you gonna stay with Chris?" He asks as we pass the two.

"Chris wanted to show me some things. Is that okay mom?" He asks me.

"I don't care. Chris behave." I point my finger at him.

"Okay, that means I get mama Alex today." Johnny says making me shake my head.

"Don't call me that." I make him laugh.

"You can call me daddy Johnny if you want." He jokes.

"I'll pass. Hi Ryan, Bam." I wave as they walk pass up to go inside.

"Hey, Alex." They wave back.

~

While Johnny talks to the skunk lady I try not to laugh at his face while she informs him about them. "I'm Johnny Knoxville and I'm about to get sprayed by a skunk."

"Hello. Hello, Mr, Skunk. Hi, Mr. Skunk. How are you? Come here, Skunk- AHH!" He gets sprayed and I laugh at me.

"Let him out." The lady tells him.

"Well, damn it, I'm trying to." He just keep get sprayed. "So that's 5 squirts. He's gotta be out after the next one, right?" He asks so we say yes.

When he was done he walks towards us so we back away. "What's wrong?" He laughs coming towards us.

"You smell." I jog backwards.

"We need to bond. Come here." He puts the cage down walking faster toward me.

"Don't you fucking dare!" I point at him as he starts to jog over to me.

"Johnny no!" I run away from him trying to put other crew members between us.

"Fine, fine." He stops walking away from me.

"So Alexandria, you've been sprayed before?" I'm asked.

"Yeah, when I was ten. My brother locked me in our shed with one. It was the worst thing in the world. Any time I see one or smell it I try to get as far away as I can." I laugh.

"Why did you come out today?"

"I walked into the building and Johnny volunteered me to watch." I notice it was too quiet around me then scream as arms are wrap around me and I get picked up.

"You fucking son of bitch!" I curse at him as he rubs he body all over me before letting me go.

I start to cough because all I could smell was skunk now and I couldn't breath clean air. "Fuck you!" I start to punch him.

"Ouch! You hit hard. Ouch!" He tenses up as I keep hitting him.

"Fuck you." I curse as we all get in the van.

"Now you need to take a bath in tomato juice to get that smell off." Johnny gets told.

"We have a problem." Jeff says.

"What?" I ask annoyed.

"We didn't get enough big cans for two people."

I turn my head slowly to look at Johnny and he laughs but puts his arms up as I pull mine back to punch him again.

For the bath situation Johnny was gonna use most of the tomato juice because he was actually sprayed while I was hugged by him.

"Gonna strip all the way down right in front of me?" I laugh as he gets undressed.

"It's gonna bring us closer." He gets fully nude. "I'll try to save you some." He runs to the bathroom.

As I sit outside, because I couldn't get the smell on anything, I hear the crew yell my name.

"Alexandria! Johnny's about to pour the last can on him so you won't have any!"

"Fuck it." I get undressed staying in my bra and underwear running to the bathroom. "What happened to I'll try to save some for you!" I startle him.

"I am..." He smiles lifting the last can to pour on himself.

"I will get in there with you fucker. I don't care if you're butt ass naked." I excuse myself passing the crew.

"How often do you see two people, one nude and one semi nude, take a tomato bath together?" Johnny asks the camera as I join him in the shower.

"Just pour that on my back because that's were you rubbing yourself all over." I snap my finger at him so he does then dumps it on my head like he did to himself.

"I'm just happy I'm not wearing a white bra." I stare down at myself.

"Rub it into my back?" Johnny turns around.

I look at the camera, "I didn't know this was something I sighed up for when Chris got me this damn job."

"Getting in a shower with a fully nude dude you just met yesterday?" Jeff laughs at me.

"No, rubbing in the tomato juice/sauce whatever for him." I message it into his body than I do myself.

He goes to turn on the water but he doesn't fix the temperature right away. "Ah, that's hot." He backs away from the water moving behind me.

"That's burning me! Why did you push me forward!" I punch him in the chest then fix the water to a warm temperature.

"We'll leave you guys to shower alone. We'll get some new clothes for y'all." The crew leaves us alone.

"Hi." Johnny gives a smile.

"I hate you but can you make sure my whole back is covered?" I put my back to him so he rubs in all around my back.

"I'm surprised you aren't uncomfortable in this situation with someone you barely know." He says still touching my back.

"People hook up with someone they met in a bar one random night, right? Our situation is just weirder." I look back at him.

"You make a good point. Plus you know you work with a cast full of guys so I'm sure your gonna see some dicks at some point. I also respect how respectful you are. Not once have you looked down even for a second." He laughs.

"You're supposed to keep eye contact when having a conversation with someone." I say what he told me earlier making him smile.

"Well this is one bonding experience for us." He changes the topic.

"This already made us super close."

When he was done he gets out putting a towel around his waist. "I'm gonna get fully undressed now because I got tomato in my bra." I let Johnny know.

"Don't worry, I'll be respectful too." He turns his back to me.

I quickly wash the rest of myself before turning off the water so he hands me a towel. "Thank you."

I get out and we both just look at each other. "Are they gonna bring us clothes?" I ask so he opens the door calling out for our clothes.

"Did something happen?" Jeff laughs handing us clothes.

"No, he got out and I took off the rest in the shower then got out." I take the clothes going to change first.

Back at the office Chris asked what happened to my original outfit. "Skunk ass hugged me and rubbed himself all over me so we had to take a shower together." I say as Caiden hangs onto my waist.

"Together?" Chris looks at us.

"I was fully in the nude, she was semi with her bra and underwear till I got out." Johnny adds.

"Well once she sees your dick you're automatically best friends." Chris motions between us.

"I'm elementary he was peeing outside during recess and I turned the corner and saw him." I explain to Johnny.

"And we became best friends that day." Chris kisses my cheek.

[annabell505]

The Monster : Jeffrey Dahmer

Part 2

jeffrey dahmer could walk up to his father and honestly confess his sexual orientation.

"Dad, I've always liked men" but that period of history did not suggest tolerance and acceptance, society was only striving for it, moving towards a peaceful existence in small steps.

Jeff's father was homophobic, he, like many people of the time, didn't take gay people seriously, he thought it was something nasty and wrong.

"You will always be dear to me, I will always love you, to me you have always been the best son!" - Maybe those very words would have saved the lives of innocent people, maybe Jeffrey could have counted on a better life, a free life. Not drinking it away every day, not poisoning his hated shell with alcohol.

Without realizing it, Jeff Dahmer absorbed hatred, absorbed every bad word, and by the time he reached a conscious age, he began to think he was sick.

No, it's my heart's way of saying "No!" I fight every time to reach out to people and give them love. No, you weren't sick, you were born that way. You were born special, the way God made you. No, you're not sick if you're gay, you're entitled to love like every other person on the planet.

Hate played a significant role in Dahmer's life, a huge one! 

Hate for skin color, for religion, for sexual orientation, it's all destructive. 

Everyone suffers from this destruction in one way or another.

People have created music, art of all kinds, created fashion shows, so what's stopping us from creating a world where everyone is at peace. 

The psychology of childhood is simple to the point of spitting, in that all children need a parent and their approval.A child may be made fun of at school, but the most important thing is that he or she knows what he or she is worth, what he or she deserves.

Did Jeffrey Dahmer know that?

No way! Shit! 

All he had was a mom who just cried and left him alone. No, I'm a terribly apathetic and sad person myself, but she made the decision to raise a child, and that's different.

Instead of love, the boy got nothing but kicks:

—What? -A Batman costume? No, they're already making fun of you! Pick something better!

Joyce looks at the bunny costume and decides it's better for her son.

I don't care what Jeffrey wants, yeah, because his opinion doesn't mean anything! It's just a kid! 

Joyce sees the bunny costume and asks Jeff to try it on. 

It doesn't seem to fit too badly, and it clearly suits the boy's appearance.

—Let's get him! - Joyce says menacingly and pays the check.

In fact, the suit was small: Jeffrey couldn't move in it, his arms and legs were uncomfortably tight.

In kindergarten, all the kids wore superhero costumes, bright blue capes! A banner on their chests, yellow gloves! Masks! 

One Jeffrey distinguished himself again, and of course was again the cause of ridicule.

Here are the children already surrounding him, laughing at him, someone pulling his tail and ears, while the moms stand aside.

—Why a hare? Didn't the store have something better? -One mom asks Joyce.

—Oh, it's what Jeff wanted, it's what the child wants! -The woman excuses herself and nervously asks Joyce. -The woman excuses herself and laughs nervously into her palm. 

She's lying, because all she has in her head right now is shame, she chose a stupid costume, but she'll never admit it. No.

—God, throw that nonsense away! Throw it away! Take it off and throw it away!

When Joyce and Jeff get home, she immediately goes off on him:

—"What a shame!" the woman yells, pacing the kitchen.

The little boy gets his dose of negativity for the evening for something he didn't do.

Probably, as his parents tell him, he's ruining everything.

You're ruining everything! As usual!

Sometimes I think Jeffrey's life couldn't have turned out any other way.

And it really scares me, because even my life has been filled with horror and scolding.

I saw things that children aren't allowed to see, and I grew up depressed and battered.

And God, I want so badly for attitudes about motherhood to change. 

[andreal831]

For the fandom ask! 3, 4, 10, 19, 22!

Thanks for the questions!

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

I've seen a lot of bad interesting takes in the TVDU fandom. But recently, I've seen a lot of discourse around Klaus' relationship with women versus with his daughter, essentially saying he loves X more than he loves Hope. Which is just ridiculous. The entire plot of TO was that Klaus finally learned to love someone more than power or even himself. Don't get me wrong, I think he was a questionable father a lot of the time, but he loved Hope more than he loved anyone else in the world.

Also, anytime people say Marcel owes the Mikaelsons anything -- I can't stand this take.

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

I don't block people easily cause I honestly don't care enough to. I think everyone should get the chance to make their points and have a civil discussion (and maybe even learn something). But I'll block as soon as anything racist comes out (this happens a lot where Marcel is concerned) or if someone gets disrespectful to anyone on any of my pages. There's no reason to take this very fictional world so personally you are attempting to make a real person feel bad.

10. worst part of fanon

I cannot stand when the fandom villainizes women, especially when writers make the characters OOC to do it. I've seen so many fics where in order to get klaroline together they make Hayley a terrible mom and a horrible person, or make Cami mean to everyone. It's fine to want your ship together, but why do we have to make the women all hate each other to get there? The show loves the crazy ex-girlfriend trope and I can't stand it when it's even more exaggerated in fanon.

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

I've been watching TVDU for a long time, but thankful never went through a Damon or Klaus phase. But Klamille is probably a ship I'm most mad at myself for liking. Cause I love Cami to death and she deserves better. I can't stand how he treated her in season 1, but something about them was just so sweet and compelling for me (pun intended). I can't stand Klaus but it's one of my favorite ships somehow. I also have to rewrite a lot of Freelin and Marbekah's backstories to ease my mind about their ships.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

This one is not a surprise to anyone, but my favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores is Elijah's backstories. I've spent so much time outlining my fic (I have their full life spans very detailed in my outline), so I obsess over every little flashback detail. I specifically love Celeste's whole storyline. I feel like the show and the fandom just glossed over it so quickly but that was a great love for Elijah and then after 200 years, he finds out she was alive the whole time. I needed the show to focus on him processing this rather than focusing on how it affected Klaus. Also, I wanted to see way more about the Strix with Elijah and Aya creating this society.

Thanks again for asking!

[brokenqueen0526]

Nickelodeon Ridiculousness Pt 1

Quiet on Set Dark Side of Kids TV Pt 1

All I hear in my head is Kel singing " Who loves orange soda, Kel loves orange soda, I do, I do, I dooooo!" I would watch Kenan and Kel, All That, The Amanda Show, and many other shows throughout my childhood. I wanted to be them, laughing, live acting, getting to be around other kids their age and relate with, go through certain life moments with. Having others around that you could relate to. I envied them, I wanted to be them. Never did I think they would have to endure so much abuse of different forms verbal, physical, emotional, and even sexual. These are things everyday non famous kids go through, the famous kids are surrounded by adults, they should be the most protected/loved kids in the world.

After watching the 4 episodes first released, I have felt so bad for them. They suffered at the hands of adults that were suppose to be there and protect them. How they were able to separate the parents and the kids. Putting the actors/actresses against their parents. All of the narcissistic attitudes of the jackass/asses in charge. People should never have that much power over any other person. Some of the parents. The Jackass in charge should never of been alone with any of the stars.

Seeing how Jackass would tell people they were the token black person, fat one, skinny one, funny one. What kind of ridiculousness is this? That should never be ok in any atmosphere. There should of had just as many women in the industry as men. That would have evened things out, but Jackass is a sexist prick who deserves every bit of what he has coming his way. You do not go through life hurting innocent children who look to you for guidance because you are the creator of the shows that the actors/actresses are in. The Jack of all asses.

Having 3 pedophiles working around these kids at the same time is a disgrace. Shouldn't they be seriously checked out before being trusted around all of these people that they really don't know. Kids only know what adults tell them, and they are being told go with these people to work with them. I mean come on child crimes were happening way before this time period. John Wayne Gacy targeted young guys/boys throughout his killing spree. So it wasn't unheard of at that time. Why wasn't the company behind the main Jackass checking all of their employees out? There was 1 of the 3 sickos they didn't really say a whole lot about other than the fact that he was a pedophile. I don't know if there may have been more there or not. Maybe he was a pedophile, but he didn't do anything to anyone or wasn't suspected of it. They went on about the Handy guy, and the Peck guy.

I am still intrigued, and have hit a wall about the Brandi situation. She didn't interview at all (I can completely understand not wanting to be seen after all of these years). I didn't notice her mom really talking about Brandi in a past tense, so I don't think that she has passed away. There has been talk that Brandi is actually just a random name they used. I can totally get her not wanting to deal with all of what is going on. To find out that Handy had a souvenir from her, a pair of her underwear, broke my heart. I have looked into Brandi and whether or not that is a fake name or not. My research has led me to believe that is probably a fake name. I also believe that she was either taken off of the credits for All That, or maybe was never put on the official credit cast list. I hope that she has healed, moved on, and living her best life. I am still wanting to learn more about this situation.

Amanda Bynes is like a comedic chameleon in her All That, The Amanda Show days. She had so much more she could have done with her life. She didn't deserve the crap that she went through. After watching all of the episodes, I started my research rabbit hole, finding lots of rumors about very personal horrible things. (If these are facts, I am terribly sorry for what you suffered.) Your parents I cannot believe the shit they did. I am sorry that you had to ever deal with that trauma. I checked into Amanda for awhile and I feel terrible for how I didn't really recognize her at first. I still think that she is beautiful either look. I commend you for pushing forward through everything. She is trying to live as normal of a life as she can. I would love to be friends with her. She seems like she would be a badass chick to hang with. Yo, Amanda Bynes, I would love to just hang out big chill go do some fun stuff. Just be normal people hanging out having fun. I look past a lot of things, I have my fair share of past traumas, including some similar ones to what some of the stars went through.

Drake Bell, not gonna lie, when I seen you as the surfer guy on the Amanda Show for the first time, I actually thought you were the Josh character from All That. You have so many musical talents. The instruments you can play, your voice. The fact you can sound smooth and then add a roughness. I am sorry for all that you went through in your lifetime. When watching the show and I watched your dad say Don't let Drake be alone with him ever, my heart dropped. I could not believe that they made him out to be a homophobic person. I hate that Brian was able to convince your mom that it was better for you to be with him because of the travel. That was a moment when you just be like Noooo don't do that, its not safe. The moment where you wish that you could just stop if from the other side of the TV, but you can't. It isn't a dream or a bad commercial that will eventually go away. It is a scar, that people who have been hurt like that have. Your scar is there, it is very well seen through this documentary. I am grateful for you sharing what you went through, for the hope that no one else in the child actor part of the entertainment industry will ever have to go through this again. I hope that with you sharing, going into to treatment, that you can again freely live and be at a more peaceful healed place in your life. Thank you to the mom of the girlfriend who knew in seconds that something was wrong. According to a tiktoker and his research about who the mystery girlfriend was that the mom helped. Drake and Fefe Dobson had been best friends. Fefe Dobson released a song "Man Meets Boy" it is very sad, and clearly is about someone being abused. Considering they were so close it does make sense that in fact that is the person who saved Drake from further abuse.

Jennette McCurdy, girl you are beautimus as you are. During my rabbit hole search, your book was brought to my attention. I have had it for less than a week and am in the 40s on the chapter. I am sorry that you were done so wrong by your mother as well as the Jack of all Jackasses. You are very brave for putting your experiences out there for anyone and everyone that can or want to read. Showing that stardom from childhood can have a huge affect on the childs upbringing. Your mother was living vicariously through you. You didn't deserve to have her dreams pushed on you. I feel that the parents doing that is a bigger number than it should be. I haven't been able to finish it due to extra busy weeks. I will be finishing the book as soon as I can, and will chime in more as well.

(This is based on what I have read, watched, heard through different media sources. Google, ID Channel, TikTok, and Reddit.)

Anyone who takes the time and reads this, Thank you!

[eolewyn1010]

Reading Percy Jackson TLT was an ordeal for me 2 - Characters

While I can repeat my disclaimer here that I only ever read The Lightning Thief (a translated version, no less) and won't try with the rest of the series, that's still about all of the slack I'm willing to cut Rick Riordan. I don't feel this is a good book, so get it off my chest I shall. Let's get down to business, and when I say business, I mean character work.

Is anyone here not a plump stereotype?

I have real difficulties to find a character here that has more depth than a cardboard cutout. I mean, let's forget about the main trio for now, but is there anything to Chiron beyond Wise Mentor? Oh, yes. The gaslighting. He wants Percy to go to Camp Half-Blood anyway. What is the point of telling him that he hallucinated shit for months?? That's an inexplicable dick move for someone we're supposed to see as a positive, caring mentor figure, but it's not the same as giving him depth. Nevermind that he was introduced via "sometimes he had an expression in his eyes like he was hundreds of years old", which... I said I hate this sort of oh, but it couldn't POSSIBLY be THAT foreshadowing. It's lousy. It's about as subtle as "this guy is EVIL, you see? He took money from an orphan charity fund to buy himself a bigass house with golden toilet seats!" It sounds like something from a cartoon.

There are a couple characters who have a little more groundwork to them than that - I appreciate Percy's mom and the subversion built up with Hades. I do not appreciate pretty much everyone else. People who are evil are obviously and obnoxiously evil (and in case of Medusa and Echidna, so obviously that they make Percy and Annabeth look dumb as fuck). They are also so stupid that you wonder how they function in their jobs (animal smugglers who feed lions with vegetables and herbivores with meat? Come on; they want to sell these animals alive). And Riordan's evil = ugly shorthand gets old really fast. Honestly, it already got old with his bully back at his human school. It also brings up a serious moment of confusion when Percy describes recognizing Ares because Ares looks similar to his daughters at the camp - except... Percy says Ares is "sort of handsome". He went out of his way to tell me how ugly Clarisse and the other bully girls are. So. Looks good on a guy, but not on the girls? Is that sexism or what? I wouldn't put it beyond Riordan for reasons I will go into when talking about mythology. Then there is every character we're supposed to hate using the same slur: "Freak." Can't you think of anything more creative? Especially coming from Ares, it sounds weird: Why would he think of demigod kids, of which he has a few of his own, on the same terms their shitty human step-parents do?

Annabeth, the know-nothing know-it-all

And then there's Annabeth, the deuteragonist. Also, the one where the set-up stereotype falls completely flat. See, we're supposed to think she's that smartass girl who knows everything better to the point of being annoying, kind of Hermione but with a terrible attitude. She's often described to look like her mind is going a mile a minute, she's Little Miss Exposition when Chiron is not around, she knows the world of the Half-Bloods and Immortals since she was seven; she has it all down. Well. Except several situations don't make her appear very smart at all. She ignores Grover's warnings when he says he can smell a monster, just as Percy does. She looks down on Grover for no reason (except maybe Fantasy Racism, which is a really bad trait for someone who has lived around satyrs and the likes since she was seven). She doesn't pick up on Medusa knowing Percy's name without being told. She prioritizes her being hungry over caution with strangers, just as Percy does. She leaves him alone with strangers when their instincts tell them both it's a bad idea. For someone who's oh-so-bright and level-headed, she fails the most basic logic.

Let's also mention Annabeth's big passion, architecture. It doesn't look very good when I know after the first vague description of Camp Half-Blood that Rick Riordan doesn't know shit about Ancient Greek architecture beyond having watched a few toga movies in his time. Because he repeats this lack of knowledge in a character who he claims knows better. Granted, the reason why I know better is because I'm minoring in Classical Archaeology, and most of the readers probably don't. But here's the thing: If you wanna write an expert in a field, you should really read up on the field. Ideally, let an expert edit the relevant parts of the text. "Write what you know" doesn't mean "hands off of non-you experiences!", it means "do your research"; it's a point of respect towards your reader not to assume they know nothing anyway. I don't know why he insisted on this being Annabeth's major interest - I mean, I do know; he did because it's a basic trait of Athena's and Riordan isn't very creative in character-building. The St. Louis Gateway Arch as an example of impressive architecture for a CLASSICALLY educated architect?? You've gotta be kidding me.

The other thing about Annabeth is that I just. Don't. Like her. She keeps being rude to Grover. She never explains anything to Percy and then complains about his ignorance. Her bitchiness is persistent and unprovoked. The reason she gives him for why they shouldn't get along doesn't even make much sense - because their parents dislike each other? The respective parents in question are barely even involved in their lives! What kind of a lame justification is that? You aren't your mother and Percy isn't his father, and parentage is not a personality (except when it kind of is, but I'll get back to that). And it takes so long for her to do anything likable... yet her constant insults don't count as bullying because, you see, she is pretty. Honestly, for at least half of the book, this seems to be the only justification why she isn't put on the same level as Clarisse. She tells Percy it's his fault the bus got blown up because he fought against the furies who made the bus blow up? Make it make sense. And then she bitches at him again because if he dies, she won't get to fulfill her mission successfully. Yeah. She just made her alleged friend's possible death about herself. Awesome.

This ship is sailing without me

I know a few things about the Percy Jackson series as a whole, for example that Percy and Annabeth are going to be an official couple sooner or later. There is the ship-teasing in this book already, and I assume it'll develop onward from here. Hm. I'm so not on board of this ship. I know a bickering romance when I see one, and this doesn't look like one. Because 1) the admiration and positive feelings seem largely one-sided for Percy, and 2) the insults and sarcastic retorts seem largely one-sided for Annabeth. This is not a balanced dynamic. It feels like Annabeth has made it her hobby to shit on her supposed love interest and be as unhelpful as humanly possible, but he compliments her at every turn, and she expects him to bow to her bossy attitude. And Percy outright says at one point that she talks to him and Grover the same way she talks to a dog. Bad news: The Cerberos scene was the only moment when I sympathized with Annabeth, and that statement severely undermined my sympathy.

But, say it with me now, she is pretty. So of course she's nothing like those nasty bullies, the daughters of Ares. And also, she blushed and was embarrassed when she was supposed to walk into that love tunnel with Percy to retrieve a MacGuffin, for fuck's sake; he didn't ask her for smoochies! "What if anyone sees us?" my ASS; you are 12-year-olds alone in a closed-down theme park; if anyone sees you there, they'll ask you what the hell you think you're doing on other people's property, you stupid bint!, so there! Yeah. No. I really hope for the future books (blindly; I will not read them) that they'll get to something that feels more mutual, because whatever they have in this book is far from cute. It's tiresome.

Consistency whomst? Don't know her

I have real difficulties to get a grasp on the main trio. Even Grover, whom I do like best among them, has a few moments that just make me go, "huh? How does that fit with what we have been told?" For example, at some point in the camp Percy and Grover are whining something about weaving baskets. It makes sense that Percy, the action-oriented 12-year-old from the human world, would think weaving baskets is the lamest shit ever - it makes zero sense for Grover to look down on it. He's lived in this world his entire life; what does he think how everything works if no one is taking care of the everyday jobs? What does he think how the camp is running if no one does the necessities?

Also. Does Grover have a good instinct for monsters, or does he not? He is the first to warn of Medusa, but with Echidna, it's suddenly Percy who gets a bad feeling. Percy also tells us that Grover is his best and only friend, then treats him as an idiot to make fun of half of the time. They cast a POC to play Grover in the series, and I swear to God, if they have a boy of color running around there eating garbage and mainly being present to be mocked by the other two protagonists...

Then there's Percy's attitude about people. Which also makes sudden switches from one adventure to another. The bus stunt with the furies? Fuck the other passengers, amirite? They can have all the trauma they can get; who cares if they get hurt. Afterwards, Percy talks about them in a supremely eye-rolling manner when the bus has crashed and everyone is panicking and there's probably injuries. But during his little touristic trip in St. Louis? He's suddenly all hero and wants to rescue people. Then he lets wild animals, including a fucking lion, on the loose in the middle of a city full of people, and snarks at Cerberos squishing dead people even deader. Does he care about humans, or does he not?

Even Annabeth, as consistently dislikable as I find her, had me go, "what?" Throughout half of the book, I was suddenly told that she's, like Percy, dyslexic. And narrator Percy says it in a manner of, "I had forgotten that she was also...", so I was like, "did I forget it as well?" and went back to look it up. I hadn't forgotten. It wasn't established before that point. Don't gaslight me, Riordan.

Where's my protagonist at?

While I liked Percy in the beginning, I found it increasingly difficult to emotionally connect with him. That started with the death of his mother. Besides Percy mentioning her on a few occasions, it didn't seem like he was grieving. His distress about her loss was very brief, and yeah, I get his whole angry-12-year-old spiel, but he's still a kid who just lost his mother? The only parent he loved? Eh. On the other hand, his ties to Camp Half-Blood are vastly oversold. He says it feels like a new home after a couple days; leaving it pains him deeply... after all of. Two. Weeks. How am I supposed to believe that? In what way was it more of a home to him than his human school? Where he also had a friend and some bullies, and his mom was not there? Even after the mission, the time he spends at the camp is just skipped. Zero connection for me as the reader. On the more amusing side of this, Charon in the Underworld singing a Barry Manilow sing confuses me less than Percy, a 12-year-old millennial, recognizing a Barry Manilow song.

And sometimes I'm just wondering what the hell is going on in Percy's head. He describes the situation at Medusa's shop as increasingly uncomfortable - but he ignores the warnings of Grover and then Annabeth, and he allows a stranger to take a photo of them? CREEPY! Has his angelic mom not warned him about strangers? That seems wildly counterproductive. He tries to put it to his not remembering the Medusa myth in that moment and not connecting the dots, but I'm not buying it. She's all, "everyone loves children", and he doesn't go, "ew, stay away from me"? And after that, the very next situation he has a bad feeling about? "Nah, it's okay; I can stay alone with some weird stranger. You guys go ahead." *facepalm* Beating your reader over the head with something like that comes at the detriment of your characters' apparent intelligence. And the confrontation with Luke reinforces that. You don't have that many friends, Percy! And you refused to even consider the possibility of Grover or Annabeth being the one to betray you! To then cheerily prance away with an obviously troubled Luke doesn't look smart.

Lineage is not personality

Last but not least, why is this something that Riordan and Rowling gotta have in common? It frustrates me to no end - the assumption that you can easily sort people, in this case kids, into personality categories. And in Riordan's case, the personality traits are determined by their lineage. It's not Slytherins; it's the children of Ares who are cruel bullies. Annabeth the smartass is not a Ravenclaw; she's a daughter of Athena. The impulsive, fearless protagonist is not a Gryffindor; he's a son of Poseidon, one of the Big Three. Oof. This makes things very easy for Riordan, and it makes things very flat. Aphrodite is the goddess of beauty, so her kids are vain and useless (yes, I am planning to shred this via a look at mythology). Demeter is the goddess of nature, so her kids are gentle little flower children (same). Kids of Hermes cannot be trusted because he's a trickster. Kids of Hades were the fascists of last World War. Not only do these categories not work because Riordan's takes on mythology are at least very one-sided and superficial; he also tries to hammer home that who your parents are will determine your personality. It's a way to simplify characters, and a notion I loathe.

[thedawningofthehour]

Hey...

I've been thinking about this for a while, but how do you feel that your war in the fic will sync up with the one in real life? I'm not trying to be funny or anything, but it's still interesting.... To say the least. It's just that it's been over a week now, and it's hard... I remember at the beginning of all this I got into a very stressful fight with one of my super religious aunts, I was raised catholic, made my first communion and everything, but yeah, it was a mess. It doesn't help that my family is prone to go by what the media says.

(I still can't get over that time when my mom told me that popcorn caused cancer because she saw it on a facebook post or something).

I talked a bit more about my religious background in a Castlevania post I reblogged not too long ago.

This current big conflict does not affect me directly, my country has nothing to do with it the closest we came to this conflict was a long time ago when our former president cursed Israel on public television.

But it is still hard, to see all those images, glimpses of those videos, all those news and people justifying and lying shamelessly about it and not being able to do anything, but express an opinion on the internet and hope someone will see it, and on top of that not even being able to talk to your family about it because it would be a disaster again.

We are at the end of 2023 and everything sucks.

I've been kind of avoiding talking about or even reblogging stuff on my main about the Israel-Palestine conflict because it's just...it's so much. Everything is terrible everywhere in the world and I am exhausted. I dislike the notion that everyone needs to 'speak out' about every travesty that goes on, I find it very performative and ultimately unhelpful and even distracting at times, especially considering most people do not have the knowledge or tact to address something like this, even as a performative gesture.

Like, I've read a lot, and I do remember having a unit on Israel-Palestine back in high school, but that would have been 2010-2011. And it was one unit, in a high school level social studies class. I am not nearly informed enough to talk about it with the tact it deserves or say anything about it that hasn't been said already. It's difficult to even get into because so much is Zionist bullshit or anti-Semitic propaganda-though the racists have seems to dispose of the anti-Semitism in favor of Islamophobia for now. (I mean, not surprising, they also buddy up with Muslims when it comes to oppressing gays and pretend to be friends with gay people when it comes to trans people) It's just...a lot. And it hurts.

I obviously did not plan for there to be a real-life war with honestly sort of unnerving parallels to Draxum's war-I just had very, very poor timing. Same thing when I was writing my Dishonored fic and COVID happened. I mean, the Ukraine war was also going on when I started this fic, but that still felt very different and by that point we were all feeling very hopeful about Ukraine. Part of me feels like it's disrespectful to even talk about this stuff in relation to my shitty fanfiction. But at the same time I still cite other conflicts and genocides and all sorts of horrible shit in my world-building, and those people had names too.

I don't plan to sync anything up specifically with current conflicts. Some parts are going to feel relatable considering what's going on now, because this conflict really doesn't teach us anything new about war. The horror, complexity, and ultimately futility of war is a major theme in my work, and I strive to portray it with the weight it deserves. War is awful. People die. They die horrifically, they die quietly, they die unheroic and undeserving deaths. They die needlessly and they die inside even if their body survives. War has always been the same. It is suffering and death and filth. I will not co-op what's happening in Palestine to talk about my fanfiction. But if aspects of my story makes you relate to what's happening over there, I'll consider that a mark that I've done my job right. Ideally, that's what fiction should strive to do.

[abyssalzones]

domino, 1, 3, 18. nora 20, 28, 42. aaaand rose, 4, 8, 31 :]

smiles. smiling at you. (answers under the readmore)

DOMINO

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

0 seconds. Domino is extremely hyperactive by nature, and all that restless energy has to go somewhere lest she gets a terrible idea in her head like "I should put a magnet on Sparks' head and see what happens." (nothing good. most automatic bodily fluids including cerebrospinal fluid is more easily magnetically fucked with than yours or mine.)

3. How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

Domino has a tendency from childhood to shapeshift into whatever feels "safest" when she goes to sleep, which was usually a rock or something else that could be easily overlooked. I doubt she feels the need as often anymore but considering it does take a (small, almost subconscious at this point) bit of concentration to keep herself looking the way she usually does I think she would turn into essentially a shapeless red blob when she's well and truly asleep.

It's probably kind of difficult for her to wind down and get some sleep though- I can see her turning her favorite action flicks on and letting the sounds of incredible violence lull her to rest.

18. What embarrasses them?

Feeling 'examined', for lack of a better word. Domino gets bristly revealing more information about her abilities, choosing to keep some elements of her highly adaptive biology more secret than others. It isn't necessarily that it's embarrassing to have a nearly instantaneous grasp of any language she hears a few sentences of- it's the questions that follow. She doesn't want to give anyone an excuse to prod at her, or worse yet, take advantage of her convenient powers. She uses them on her terms, not anyone else's.

NORA

20. If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

Nora is exceptionally inexperienced in romantic love, but I honestly don't think she would regard it with more importance than platonic relationships. She's capable of very strong bonds in both cases, but would struggle to put the word "love" into her vocabulary. She's a little awkward and her focus is in other places, so it always seems extreme to call anything love. I imagine she's come on a little strongly in the past with others and has resigned herself to having more aloof friendships in adulthood, not wanting to deal with any more rejection for her lack of social skills.

As for familial love, I can tell you she's coming from the perspective of someone who has been an object of it, without really understanding her own feelings about it. Familial love is shapeless, the source of her anxiety and the outline of her world, inescapable and smothering.

It's an expectation- you have to love your mother, right? She's your mom.

28. Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

Her answer would be no, but her feelings say otherwise. Nora is a little sensitive to perceived rejections- if she's told she's done something wrong, or is missing a cue everyone else understood, it sticks with her for better or for worse. Being told outright is ultimately what's best for her, but that doesn't mean it won't keep her up at night.

42. How badly do they want to reach their end goal?

Badly. She has something to prove.

ROSE

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

UHH..... Before or after the end of the first act?

Rose tends to keep people at arm's length, even those she supposedly trusts. It's not always a fear of deception, either- but rather that she doesn't trust others to pull through for her. So long as she has everything under control, she can maintain some faith, but once her carefully ordained plan goes out the window, all bets are off.

Later it gets a little more complicated.

8. What were they told to stop/start doing most often as a child?

Rose kept up with chores as a kid (and work, later, as a teenager)- but not schoolwork. I think she just didn't mesh well with the school system and often got flack for letting educational opportunities pass by without much care. Part of the reason her mother was so adamant they stay on Altus in the first place was because it would grant her daughter a real future... But I suppose in the end it didn't matter anyway.

31. Who are they the most glad to have met?

This, out of everything, is the hardest to answer. It's unfair to pick anyone in particular out of the crew. Each of them, in their unique ways, have left an unmistakable impression on Rose, and despite everything their presence ultimately changes her life for the better. (Although she does have to clarify that yes, Domino was there first.) I could get into her unique relationships with each crew member but we would be here all week.

[creepy-crowleys]

[[9, 22, 29, 33, 48

Get to know my character

09. Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday?

((This is a popular question and I will answer it in another ask. :p))

22. What kind of tattoos, piercings, birthmarks, freckles, and other such unique physical features do they have?

((Also answered! But as an extra: Crowley's eyes shine in the dark. It's probably mostly just an oddity with the game's graphics, but I thought it was neat so it's canon now. :p

It doesn't particularly mean anything in my variation of the setting, just a kind of rare genetic thing. Crowley got it from her mom and an unrelated NPC from the game has it too.

Crowley scared her aunt a lot with it growing up, like some kind of tiny ghost wandering the halls in the dead of night.))

29. What is one of the most courageous things your character has ever done for a loved one?

((In the small personal sense, she committed to getting help and figuring herself out so she could better be able to support the people she cares about and trust them to do the same in return.

She apologized and didn't run away when she received mercy instead of just punishment.

And more solidly, she's faced all kinds of monsters and terrible odds for a world she loves.))

33. If your character wanted to be alone, where would they go?

((Home maybe. Or the nearby cliffs and beach by the sea if she doesn't want the comfort of her pets.

In the past, she's killed herself and just sat around being dead for a while, but she hasn't been that bad in... a couple years probably? It doesn't really harm her in any way, but it's probably a good sign that she hasn't felt the need to.))

48. Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious?

((I don't know that I'd say she gets particularly jealous or envious? Or at the very least not in uncontrolled, overtly harmful ways.

She gets protective and has a kneejerk desire to lash out at anyone who'd harm or upset her loved ones, but she's usually decent at restraining herself or redirecting towards comforting and caring for her loved ones instead.

And being envious of someone or something mostly internalizes as her needing to work harder to be worth who or whatever it is - if she doesn't recognize the subject of envy as being her own dumb brain stuff and not actually worth worrying about.))