#I don't like fry sauce actually

[inkskinned]

as we enter the start of a semester and the dreaded Hour of Making Friends us upon us... if ur ever at a loss for what to say in one of those weird social situations where you only vaguely-know people, one of my favorite questions to ask is "what is your favorite food crime." a food crime is like the food combination that you love that other people find revolting. press them to take it further than pineapple on pizza, that's rote. food crimes is a good topic that has many benefits as it turns out all people are degenerates and also it will give you some cool ideas to try out later in the privacy of your own degenerate kitchen

the other good thing to ask is "okay but has anyone here ever been someplace haunted" bc it turns out if you ask most people directly they don't believe in ghosts, but many people are like "oh yeah i lived in a haunted house. ghosts aren't real tho"

[ukulelegodparent]

It's always a wonderful experience to see recipes from another country that are also a cultural dish where you're from BC it has you feeling really anything on the spectrum from 'oh just like we do it here' to 'hm interesting take might try that' to 'excuse me you do WHAT now????' to 'Heathens! Heretics! How dare they! Tasteless folk!!!!' and of course there's also the occasional 'wait that is GENIUS! That sounds like it could make a dish I had to be FORCED to eat as a child edible or even enjoyable!!' and of course also 'why does your culture often have such good takes on food yet you guys also eat this shit that barely qualifies as dog food?'

[weaselle]

it was too much i had to make my own post

line cook here. ACCURATE

if you don't get the hate, here's what you don't understand.

it takes up to 2 hours to close down the kitchen.

The last 60-90 minutes before closing time you do almost no cooking because the restaurant doesn't have many people in it and you've already cooked most of their diners.

So if someone walks in during, like, the last hour, the cook is in the middle of an industrial deep clean of the kitchen.

(these numbers can vary quite a bit from place to place but i have worked several restaurants with these actual times and the concept remains the same)

Say the place closes at 10. If you wait til the restaurant is already closed to start all your cleaning duties, you'll be there until at least midnight.

More than that your boss knows that on an average night you can start your clean up as soon as the last rush ends and get out of there around 10:45, even 10:15 on a slow night if you get lucky. That means there are plenty of restaurants where if you do take until midnight the manager is going to come up to you at some point that week and ask you what went wrong that night, and you'd better have an answer.

So this example restaurant closes at 10 pm. The dinner rush ends around 8:30, and shortly after that the cook is going to start getting every single dish possible over to the dishwasher because the dishwasher always gets hit hard and late, and the machine runs for 2 full minutes and only holds so many dishes, so the way that works out is if you wait an extra 30 minutes to give the dishwasher all your stuff it can mean adding like 60 minutes to the end of his shift. And you're gonna KEEP finding shit to send to the dishpit right up until you leave probably.

all these little square and rectangle containers in this cold table have to be pulled out and changed over into new containers, replaced by new full ones, or in some cases filled from larger containers in the back, which can result in even more empty containers to send to the dishwasher.

while it's all pulled apart to do this, you have to clean up all the spilled food and sauce and juices and stuff from the joints and ledges and shelves and drip trays

Once you get your line changed over in this way, and fully stocked, anytime someone orders something that makes use of a bunch of that stuff, you have to restock and re-clean it some. It might already be covered in plastic. Some of it might already be stuck in the back to make room to take apart your cutting board counter to clean. To cook a dish isn't TOO much of a problem at this point, but you're really hoping for zero orders because you still have so much other cleaning to do.

Meanwhile the salad bar and appetizer section and server station and everybody are all doing the same thing. Even the bartenders are stocking olives and lemons and sending back whisks and stir spoons and shakers and empty 4quart storage containers that used to hold the back-up lemons and olives and things. Every section is dumping their must-be-cleaneds to the dishpit as fast as possible because early and fast is the only thing they can do to to help that dishpit not absolutely drown into overtime.

The poor dishwasher is always the last to clock out, soaking wet and exhausted.

Around this time you probably scrub the flat top, which has turned black from cooked on grease and is still about 500 degrees. Line cooks are divided in opinion on water-based or oil based cleaning methods for this, but they all involve scrubbing with (usually) a brick of pumice stone using every ounce of your strength while you try not to burn yourself

you scrub it from fully blackened to gleaming silver and now if somebody orders something that needs the flat top to cook, you can either fuck up your cleaning job or fake it in a couple frying pans and pass that tiny fuck you down to your dishwasher (who usually understands, especially if you help them take the garbage out or clean your own floor drain later)

If there's deep fried stuff on the menu then the fryers have to be cleaned out, which includes straining the oil out into enormous and super-heavy pots full of oil so hot that if you spill on yourself then it's probably a hospital visit and if you slip and fall face first into it it'll be the last thing you ever do.

Then you gotta scrub out the fryer. Like you gotta take the (hot) screen out and reach your arm down into the weird rounded pipes and curved areas (so hot, burn you if you brush against them hot) and scrub off whatever is down there

Depending on your kitchen you might have to do up to four of these. Then you'll have to pour the (dangerously hot) oil back in

oh, and if you didn't dry the pipes and get ALL the water out of the trap and tank?

water reacts with hot oil in a sort of mentos and coke way that can send a tidal wave of oil past the open flame of the pilot light ...HUGE dangerous mess and/or burn down the kitchen if the oil lights up.

Unless! If the oil has been used too hard and needs to be changed, it's time to carry those open topped super heavy pots full of will-kill-you-hot oil and dump them in the barrel outside by the dumpsters so you can put room temp fresh oil in the fryers. whew!

The clean up is not just some light wiping down that can be easily interrupted, is what i'm saying.

You might have to do some kind of walk-in duty (moving around 50lb cases of lettuce and 50lb bags of onions to get to the stacks of five gallon buckets full of salad dressings and sauces to move so you can reach the giant metal pots and bus tubs full of prep and get it all organized and make sure it's all labeled and i have to stop now i'm having flashbacks)

THE POINT IS

by 15 or however many minutes to close, the line cook is doing an intense deep clean and probably has the whole stove taken apart to detail.

For some industrial stoves this means lifting off large cast iron plates that weigh like 20 lbs each and are still quite hot. Whatever metal burners are on there, you gotta take off and clean, you can see here the lines that indicate the large thick cast iron rectangles that sit on top of the burners to allow heavy pots to rest on. Those five (each has one front burner hole and one back burner hole, see?) have to be lifted off and cleaned with soap and a wire brush usually, and then the underneath area also has to be cleaned because a lot of shit falls through the burner holes on a busy night.

if you didn't do it when you did the flat top you have to do the grease trap (which can be like a full five minutes and is always disgusting).. You gotta clean out all the little gas jets in each burner with a wire or something so the burners all flame evenly, and sometimes you have to remove some of the natural gas piping that connects the burners to access where you have to clean.

you gotta clean out the bottom of the oven and the wire racks, and, oh gods, you gotta take down the filter vents from the hood fans above the stove.

See all the lined parts along the top of the wall?

those are hood vents, and as they pull air up they also pull a lot of grease and they have to be taken down and cleaned, then you gotta climb up there and scrub where they go before you put them back...

And then there's the mopping and floor drains and...

Anyway, that's what the line cook is doing when you walk in fifteen minutes before closing and order something that needs to be cooked on that stove. They are doing an entire industrial cleaning of a professional kitchen.

In some restaurants maybe one or two of these jobs will be every other night or even only twice a week, but in many, possibly most kitchens, ALL of these things happen EVERY night. You don't want to leave any food mess that might attract insects or rodents for one thing, so a really good kitchen is as close to brand new as you can get it every night.

IF YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO ORDER SOMETHING ANYWAY, HERE IS WHAT TO DO

open with an apology and ask the server to go ask what the cook would prefer you to order.

Any good server will already know what the cook is hoping for and what will make their line cook go into the walk in and scream. If it's significantly less than an hour to close and they say some variant of "oh anything is fine" they are either telling the lie their boss wants them to say, or they actually do not know what their line cook wants, and you can either use human connection and a conspiratorial just-between-us tone to get them to drop the customer-is-always-right act, or get them to actually go ask the cook.

It might be as specific as "the lasagna is easiest on the kitchen" or it might be a simple guideline like "nothing that requires the flat top" or "any of the sautés are easy" but a good line cook will probably have a system for if they have to make a couple of the most popular items after they start their close, so the answer is likely to include something most people like and you should be good to order that.

but for the love of all that's holy, please only do so at great need. Leave that last 30-60 minutes to the truly desperate and the crew's duties.

[fuckingrecipes]

Do you have any healthy snack suggestions for someone who isn't a huge fan of nuts and dried fruit?

FIRST: A 'Snack' is just a small portion of food. It is a signifier of quantity. 'Snack' does not exclude any type or form of food - it just means a lil' bit of food.

SECOND: "Healthy" is entirely relative to every individual.

'Healthy' is just 'Supportive of a complete nutritional profile, taking into account a person's existing diet, dietary needs, and habits of energy expenditure'

For example:

A small, greasy hamburger is an EXCELLENT snack for a highschool athlete who needs to consume an large amount of calories every day to maintain their body. It has lots of fat and protein for muscle recovery and long-term energy, carbs for immediate energy, and some lettuce/tomato/onion for some extra fiber/vitamins/minerals.

On the flip side, if someone already eats a fair amount of of meat and carbs already but has a lower-energy lifestyle, a healthy snack for them might entail leafy greens, beans/legumes and vegetables, because they need more fiber and nutrients in their diet that plants have in abundance.

--

If you are allergic to or hate eating something, then it's not healthy to force yourself to eat it anyway. Find a different food, or a different way to prepare it that doesn't cause physical or psychological distress!

Don't like peanuts, but peanut butter is good? Eat peanut butter instead! Hate the texture of whole tomatoes, but tomato sauce is good? Eat tomato sauce instead!

Don't be afraid to finely mince or blend your ingredients into a sauce or smoothie if you feel you need or want to eat something for the nutrients but hate chewing it.

--

I'm a big fan of probiotic stuff in general, like fermented foods (kimchi, pickles, sauerkraut, miso, mustard and yogurts), since a strong bacterial colony in the gut has a positive impact on wellbeing for most folks. More importantly, I love the taste.

Buuuuuuuut~ some people are extra sensitive to compounds that are concentrated in fermented foods. Those people should not eat a lot of fermented foods. It's not healthy for them.

--

If you're munching snacks out of boredom when you're not actually hungry, something low-fat but satisfyingly crunchy usually does the trick for me. Something I can keep devouring for the sensory delight, gives some good nutrients, and won't make me feel overly full afterward.

Carrots, bell peppers, mung bean sprouts, apples, pears, jicama, radish, pretzels, sweet onions, green papaya, broccoli, popcorn, cucumber, water chestnut, seaweed crisps, coconut chips, any of those fermented foods I mentioned... hell, coleslaw is mostly cabbage with oil and vinegar - plow through that and have a great time!

--

If you want a snack because you're hungry, but you just want to tide yourself over until the next meal, eat something that is high in fat and fiber. Fat & Fiber makes you feel full.

Cheese, Yogurt, Butter. Olive oil. Guacamole. Tinned fish. Cream. Fry up an egg. Olives, Hard-boiled eggs - These are all relatively high in fat.

Beans, Legumes, Oats, Leafy Greens, and most Berries are pretty high in fiber, and can pair up with any of the fatty things.

Hell, a slice of cheese pizza is also fine! Buttered toast is fine! A small portion of roast beef from last night's dinner!

Eat a little bit, wait 20 minutes, and see if you're still hungry after that. A normal stomach takes 20-30 minutes to register feeling satiated. (Some people's stomachs don't really feel the difference of hunger vs satiation. Those people need to be more mindful of the quantities of food they eat - both eating too much, AND eating too little!)

--

If you want a snack because salty snacks in particular sound fucking amazing, but other fatty and high-protein foods sound kinda gross, Try chugging a glass of water.

If water doesn't resolve the feeling after giving it a few minutes, try something with salt.

Dehydration and not having enough salt in your body both cause salt cravings. Acute thirst is often mistaken as hunger.

Honestly, you can have a handful of chips. Eating a whole family-sized bag of potato chips in one sitting is probably too much salt & fat for most people, but eating a handful here and there is fine. It's just as morally neutral as eating a carrot.

Eat some rice with soy sauce. Eat some pickled okra, or pickled onions. Eat some miso soup. Drink some soup broth. Have some salt-cured meats.

--

So: A Healthy Snack!

Ask yourself: Am I hungry, bored, or thirsty?

Ask yourself: What have I been eating lately, and what has my diet lacked, or had in excess? (Fats, Protein, Carbohydrates, Vitamins/Minerals, Water, Salt)

Ask yourself: Am I trying to provide my body with a complete nutritional profile, including fats and carbs - or am I focusing on an imagined 'purity' of food and assigning moral value to eating what diet culture calls healthy so I can be 'good.' (Aka: Do you think instances of eating candy or fatty food is 'being bad'? Stop that.)

Ask yourself: Am I able to rely on my body's signals for hunger and thirst, or do I need to manually track this?

Sometimes a snack is a small portion of leftovers from yesterday.

Sometimes a snack is carefully sliced, cooked, and arranged on a cute plate.

Sometimes a snack is gnawing through half a head of cabbage doused in vinegar.

Sometimes a snack is a handful of shredded cheese eaten from your own palm so you become both the gentle horse and the stablehand feeding it, and that's all okay

[dunmeshistash]

Dungeon Meshi actually changed my whole relationship with food. I had already seen food as various types of nutrition (rather than “good” and “bad” food) but this story helped me realize that even stuff I dislike can be made to taste good. I used to hate onions and mushrooms, but all the good stuff about them turns into a delicious sauce when you use them in stir fry! Veggies cooked in grease aren’t robbed of their nutrition! I eat what my body craves and I’ve truly never felt better! I’ve even lost a lot of weight because of it! Many have pondered what sets humans apart from any other creature in the world and I think it’s a good meal.

One of the things that helped us evolve to where we are is indeed cooking!

Might come as a surprise that even tho I'm a Dungeon Meshi fan my nutrition wasn't really fixed by reading it (no good advice Senshis in this head of mine) I've been a picky eater for a while now cause I have texture issues but recently I started cooking more for myself, and honestly? Game changer

There's no point trying to force yourself to enjoy certain foods cause if you don't like it you wont eat it. I hate carrots cause the texture is mushy and the taste is weird and the smell is bad. Know what's not smelly mushy or weird? Carrots on fried rice

There's many ways to cook food, try out things similar to what you know you enjoy if you're someone picky like me. The important thing is to eat a variety of proper food and make it in a way you'll actually eat (Just like Senshi did for Izutsumi instead of forcing her to eat the way he wanted). A vegetable eaten with sauce is more nutritional than a vegetable you don't eat!

I'm no nutritionist but yeah, you'd be surprised at the variety of things you're actually willing to eat when cooked the right way. And congrats on feeling better!

Just adding my usual disclaimer that weight loss/gain isn't an indicator of health in itself, prioritizing eating well and acquiring healthy habits rather than focusing on a certain physical result is key in my experience. Let's all strive to feel good and care for our bodies!

[hoenoredone]

A TYPICAL DATE

tags: sfw, fluff, headcanons, enstablished relationship characters: gojo, geto, nanami, naoya, inumaki, yuuta, noritoshi

GOJO SATORU

cat café

he's a cat dad and you're never going to convince otherwise. because of his job it's quite difficult for him to keep a pet in the house, he feels too bad leaving it all alone for days at the time (do not worry, the ball of fluff would have an automatic feeder and a self cleaning litter). so he gets his fix at a cat café. it's perfect, really: he can pet all the cats, and you can eat and drink to your heart's content while seeing him all happy and giddy.

GETO SUGURU

dinner and a movie

he's a wanted simple man, he's perfectly content setting the table while you stir fry the meat he had left in the fridge to marinate for the whole day. he'd fry up some popcorn after dinner and drizzle them in butter and salt. he loves it when you rest your head on his shoulder, especially if the movie turns out to be boring. he lets you fall asleep and does his best not to wake you at the end of the film. when nanako and mimiko make fun of him the day after for carrying you to the bed bridal style, he can only smile and ruffle their hair.

NANAMI KENTO

petit pâtisserie

he has a sweet tooth, sorry i don't make the rules. he doesn't like sickeningly sweet pastries, but a french press coffee and a slice of opéra cake are perfectly within his taste. he watches you eat an english scone with strawberry-rhubarb jam and clotted cream and sip on your darjeeling tea as he listen to you talk about whatever is on your mind. he notices some crumbs on your lower lip and tries to discretely let you know, but you're too absorbed in your own world to notice. so he gently wipes them away for you and notices a slight blush dusting your cheeks.

ZEN'IN NAOYA

michlin star restaurant

it's really not a date, it's more of an interview. he doesn't date just to date, he dates to marry. he needs to be the perfect heir for the zen'in clan, he needs a wife and a child. so he takes you to an incredibly expensive restaurant and grills you with questions. at the start it's not the most pleasant experience, but as the date goes on (if you answer his questions correctly) he loosens up and lets you speak freely. he doesn't even realize it, but he feels like he has a lot to prove, so once he decides that it's worth it he orderes his favorite wine (coincidentally the most expensive one) and shoos the waiter away to pour you a glass himself.

INUMAKI TOGE

arcade

please he loves the pinball machines, literally spends hours on them. you take turns at the claw machines to try and win each other a plushie (that riceball looks just like him? how?) and lose almost three thousand yen. he watches you play a shooter game and gets playfully annoyed when you don't listen to his tips. almost spills his coke all over one of the machines when you finally win your first game of the night. he offers you karaage to celebrate and you almost choke on the sauce when he imitates the panicked face you had during the game.

OKKOTSU YUUTA

picnic at the dog park

can he pet that dog? can he please pet that dog?? you bring the food and a table cloth, and he brings plates, cutlery, drinks and two different brands of dog treats. you could swear he spends more time looking at the dogs run around and telling you all about the specific breed than actually eating. a big fluffy maremmano runs towards him and almost knocks the picnic table over, but yuuta is ready: he grabs a duck skin treat from his pocket and hurls it to the other side of the park, but not before having pet the dog's head and having called him a good boy.

KAMO NORITOSHI

japanese tea house

he enjoys the quiet of the tea house's garden because he's not a kamo there, just noritoshi. he used to be partial to sencha tea but you insisted on ordering something different every time, and he's glad you did because he's a creature of habit, without you he wouldn't have discovered he actually prefers hojicha tea over anything else. he lets you order whatever you want, from dango to daifuku, even dorayaki once, but warabimochi remains his favorite.

[amazinglyegg]

What the companions would make you if they had access to a kitchen:

Cait

I'm thinking a nice stir-fry or rice with a shit ton of vegetables and PROTEIN

Of course she loves her protein

Hmm or maybe a lasagna. Nice and dense.

Whatever she makes, there'll be enough of it to go around

She gives off food insecurity to me so I feel like she prefers to take her food and eat alone most days

But you WILL have a shitton of leftovers!

Codsworth

A nice breakfast spread like what you'd see in movies.

French toast, eggs (sunny side up or your preference if he knows it), bacon, several options of cereal in those little fancy cereal dispensers, pancakes or waffles depending on your preference, fresh fruit laid out...

And of course a glass of orange juice

He wants nothing more than for you (and anyone else you're sharing the meal with) to sit down and enjoy while he cleans the dishes and helps out

Just like old times <3

Curie

Baking time!!!!

Cookies are her go-to

Does that thing where you use your thumbprint to make a heart shape and fills it with jam

They come out perfect every time. She leaves them out on a plate and they're gone within a minute

Just be warned she might eat the cookie dough. Would definitely make edible cookie dough just to eat it raw at like 1am

Danse

He's a protein shake and plain hard boiled eggs type of guy

He wouldn't make you a meal, but would mealprep your entire week for you

(It's just plastic tupperware of boiled eggs and like, one whole carrot)

If he HAD to make an actual warm meal it'd probably look exactly like Brotherhood rations

Mashed potatos, plain crackers, and some vague meat in sauce

Deacon

This man lives like he will be killed via sniper if he ever expresses a genuine feeling

So as much as I'd like to say he'd make a meal that's really important to him, he'd probably just grab the nearest cookbook and pick a random recipe

Not even he knows what it's gonna be like until it's made

He also doesn't want to be associated with a certain meal so he'll only make it once or twice. If you want it again then YOU have to cook it!

If he's completely alone and just making something for himself, then maybe a nice sandwich or sub

I don't know why but he just gives off sandwich vibes

Dogmeat

Can't cook

He would, however, oversee the situation and taste test when needed

Gage

Grill dad

He'd make like, ribs and baked potatoes. Nice and filling and also pretty damn messy

Not too big on vegetable but he'd also grill like, corn on the cob or maybe some skewers

Chicken wings perhaps???

Maccready

Weird food combinations is this man's bread and butter (or bread and ketchup)

He WILL hand you a turkey sandwich with ketchup and potato chips in it. And it will taste good.

Or like, steak sushi. Spaghetti on pizza. Mayo dumplings?

He can make basically anything, but he just has some really weird preferences

If you can get over the strangeness it's actually pretty decent

Nick

Toast and black coffee <3

That's it

I mean like he'll make you tea or something if you don't like coffee

Pre-war Nick always had toast and coffee for breakfast in the morning so it's nostalgic to him

Old Longfellow

"Oh he'd make a fish based meal" NO. He lives next to the water he's probably SO DAMN TIRED OF FISH

Chicken noodle soup maybe, but like high quality chicken noodle soup with some nice spices

Or maybe a pot roast??

Piper

Weirdly enough, as much as she loves sweets I feel like she'd be a much better cook than a baker

She'd make a nice well rounded meal with protein, carbs, 1-2 vegetables. Gotta make sure Nat's eating well

Not huge on spices though. Like your mashed potatoes will be buttery and smooth as fuck but you're limited to like basic box gravy and maybe salt and pepper.

I feel like she can and will make an entire turky dinner. Just out of nowhere. There's like 7 different sides and an apple pie Curie made.

Preston

Oh this man will make a MEAN stew

It's his go-to. He can share it if needed, have leftovers to feed himself for multie days, and it's versatile

I'm thinking either radstag or brahmin meat, or maybe a bone stock, but in the past he's made stews out of basically anything, from bugs to deathclaw meat

He also has a soft spot for campfires and would love to roast marshmallows or cook hotdogs or something around a fire

X6-88

Grabs an apple for himself and leaves.

The Institute eats SUPPLEMENT PACKETS there is NO WAY this man knows how to cook

He's probably a picky eater too, and he only likes those packets

He's gonna be living off a diet of applesauce and ensure for a long while

Honestly he might enjoy taking his food (any food) and putting it in a blender. It fixes the sensory aspect of it.

[hiwaaranit]

Hello! I have been following you for a while and first of all I want to say that your artstyle and character designs are stunning! You have a great sense of creativity and an eye for detail like I am always happy to see a new character of yours or their redesigns when they appear on my timeline (let's say that they make me really THINK about my own character designs and inspire me to always try and redesign them with more thought than before :D). I hope one day I will gather myself up and be able to commission you because I really wish to 😭

But my main question which had been in my mind for a while: You made a little post about explaining what Wojapi is a while back and I realized that it looks really similar to a food that my country (funny enough It's Czechia where we use the ž and š which you know but still I find it as a funny coincidence) has and specifically my smaller region where I live and we call it Žahour -> which is a not too sweet, not too sour, hot sauce made out of forest blueberries that is usually served either with pancakes or a HUGE puffy dumpling with no filling and usually no strong taste! I can tell you It's really good but I think you can imagine pretty well how it could taste like :D

I don't think they are in any way connected they just became their own things sepparated from eachother in each culture but still I think It's really nice and I wanted to thank you for kinda reminding me that Žahour exists since I haven't had it in a long time and I honestly miss it. That is all from me and I hope you have a nice day! ☀️

They you so much 🥺 that’s so touching, I love character design so much I’m so happy you enjoy it. idk if I talked about the orthography I used but it is Czech actually and I believe has the same rules. It’s a big controversy because it was made and owned but a “European, White, Czech, guy who has since copyrighted his orthography of the Lakota language. There’s many orthographies for Lakota it was never a written language I personally use the Czech one because of my dyslexia and it has indicators where the sounds are supposed to go, and I know people who worked on it. So the older orthography and more popular was “wojapi” and I used the Czech “wožapi” spelling not to come up in google searches for the food Wojapi lol. Boiling berries is definitely a universal dish, but I think žahour might be the closest to wojapi in texture and taste some of the pancakes even look like fry bread

[aishangotome]

Azel Radwan: Chapter 15

Chapter 14 Premium Story

Thank you @passthechloroform for providing the video for this chapter!

♡———♡

The riot that happened the other day has faded into a phantom with the passage of time.

People are coming and going in the city as if nothing had happened, and today is peaceful and bustling.

I, too, blend into the city, my bag lighter than when I arrived, the scars gone.

(I guess that's the end of my errands for today.)

(Even so, from the biggest landowner in Tanzanite to the theater manager, to the owner of the best restaurant in the country...)

(The people who ask the owner for books are all important people who support Tanzanite's economy.)

(I'm glad I learned proper manners from my time as Belle.)

???: --I've done it.

(Huh...?)

I hear a voice carried on the hot desert wind and stop.

Looking down an alley, I see a woman with her face hidden by a veil, gathering scattered flowers from the ground.

(Did she drop them?)

Emma: Do you need any help?

When I call out to her, the woman's eyes widen under her thin veil, and then she smiles.

Woman: Thank you, kind young lady. May I take you up on your offer?

Emma: Of course.

The flowers scattered on the ground are the "Al flowers" I saw at the theater before.

The flowers, the color of water that moistens the dry desert, seem to cool the hot air just by looking at them.

Emma: Are you a flower seller, miss?

Woman: No, I'm a humble diviner.

Woman: These flowers are the flowers of the Living God, so I thought they might contain blessings and I'm giving them to people I know.

Woman: Please take some if you like.

After putting all the flowers back in the basket, the woman bundles a few of them and offers them to me.

Emma: Wow, thank you very much.

Woman: I'm the one who should be thanking you. I'm glad I met such a kind person like you.

Woman: There have been a series of terrible incidents lately, haven't there? I've become afraid of people...

(...I thought they had disappeared like a phantom...)

(But maybe there are many people who are actually anxious like her.)

What had become invisible due to the illusion of everyday life is now highlighted under the sunlight.

The woman's face was haggard.

Just hearing that she's a diviner, it's easy to imagine what's happening to her.

Woman: Please be careful, young lady. We will eventually lose the moon.

Woman: As prophesied, the end is near. This country will soon be over.

Emma: That's...

The woman smiles and disappears into the depths of the alley, carrying her flower basket.

As if to say she doesn't want to talk about the end at all.

(The talk of the end... Clavis didn't seem to know the details either, did he?)

(It's become vague, but maybe I can find out by looking it up in a book?)

-

That night - as usual, I was working hard in the back of the elegant temple to repay my debt.

I finely grind chickpeas and onions, then add parsley, pepper, salt, and spices, and mix them together.

After letting it sit for a while, I shape it with my hands and roll it into a pot of oil, and it's almost complete.

(Now all I have to do is fry it until the color changes, make the sauce...)

Azel: You're making something unusual today.

Emma: Whoa!?

Azel suddenly appeared and peered into the pot from behind me.

The close distance and his breath on my ear made my heart feel like it was going to burst out of my chest.

Azel: Why are you acting like I'm a ghost...?

Emma: Please don't talk right next to my ear.

Azel: Oh, I didn't know you were sensitive to sounds.

Emma: --ah

He purposely blows air on my ear, and a faint voice escapes me.

(He might have heard what I just said...)

I turn around and glare at him with shame, and Azel seems to be reflecting on his actions as he quickly raises both hands.

Azel: I'm sorry, so don't glare at me like that. It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing.

(Why am I so nervous just because he got close to me?)

(...Is it because my body was surprised?)

Azel steps away from me and picks up the memo that was on the counter.

Azel: Did Kasim teach you this?

Emma: How did you know?

Azel: He's an acquaintance. I can tell by this messy handwriting.

Mr. Kasim is the manager and chef of the restaurant where I delivered the owner's book.

When I casually mentioned that I wanted to try making Tanzanite cuisine, he kindly wrote down a recipe for a fried dish that is commonly made in homes.

Azel: Why do you go this far?

Emma: Why...?

Azel: Honestly, with food, anything is fine as long as it's edible, right?

Emma: ...You're always so picky with your orders.

Azel: That's different. This is different.

Azel: You don't particularly enjoy cooking as a hobby, do you?

Azel: You could just make something simple... Isn't it a bother?

The recipe that Azel is holding up is indeed labor-intensive.

Cooking something I'm not used to takes time and effort, and I get more tired than usual.

(I've never really thought about it deeply, but...)

Emma: I thought you might miss the taste of your hometown if you only had Rhodolite cuisine.

Emma: I'm cooking to repay my debt and pay the rent, but...

Emma: If I'm going to cook anyway, I want you to enjoy it, right?

When I confess my true feelings, the recipe slips from Azel's hand.

(...)

(Huh... Do I actually like Azel quite a bit?)

At any rate, these are not things you should say to a God who has enslaved you with debt, and I become aware of my unconscious feelings only after putting them into words.

(No, I'm just attached to him, there's nothing shameful about it...)

*remembering Azel's previous remark*

Azel: Insulting me again... You're really good at creating debt, aren't you?

(...There's nothing...)

Remembering his soft, moon-like smile, I become strangely awkward for some reason.

(Why doesn't Azel say anything? What is this silence?)

His mysterious eyes, holding the starry sky, quietly look down at me.

His eyes are unusually serious, and yet somewhat displeased.

Azel: Is this some new kind of harassment?

Emma: How did you even come to that twisted interpretation!?

Azel: The sight of a good person makes me sick.

(Ugh... That actually hurts.)

Emma: ...Was I bothering you?

I don't understand what Azel is thinking, so I try looking down for now.

Suddenly, the God who had a scary face shows signs of agitation.

Azel: Ah, no, that's not it. It's a good mindset. Keep it up and offer me your cooking.

Azel: I can praise your thoughtfulness. In fact, I'll praise it highly.

Azel: But don't say anything that makes it difficult for me to take advantage of you from now on.

(So that's what it is...)

Azel: By the way, it's burning.

Emma: Ah!

I hurriedly look up and scoop the croquette out of the oil.

It's my first time seeing a Tanzanite-style croquette, but it's turned out cute with its round shape.

Emma: Look, it's pretty good for my first attempt--

Azel: So you were faking crying again?

Azel raises his eyebrows and pulls my cheek.

Emma: I'm sowwy.

(...I let it slip. I know Azel is surprisingly weak to tears, so I couldn't help it...)

(But I should avoid doing this often because it really worries him.)

Even with my cheek being lightly pulled, I arrange the croquettes on a plate.

As I move my body, my heart gradually calms down.

(Now, to make it look more vibrant...)

Azel: ...Why is that flower there?

He complains about the small vase I placed next to the plate.

The fresh Al flower should be a small oasis in the desert that soothes anyone who sees it, but only Azel, who has let go of my cheek, doesn't even try to hide his expression of disgust.

Emma: A diviner gave it to me today.

Emma: Looking at it like this, it has a Prince Azel-like quality and it's kind of endearing--

Emma: Why are you glaring at me again!?

Azel: I sensed a disrespectful presence.

(That's so unreasonable!)

Azel: I hate that flower.

Azel: It doesn't bring me any profit, yet it uses my name without permission.

Emma: I feel like you would thoroughly collect even if it was a deferred payment, Prince Azel.

Azel: There's no way I could do such a terrible thing to the common people, right?

(...Am I not one of the common people?)

While complaining, he doesn't seem to intend to deny what I'm doing, and the vase is not removed.

Azel: However, if diviners start handing out blessed flowers, it really is the end.

Azel: I don't know who that woman is, but she must be sensing the end is near.

Emma: ...You're right. The woman who gave me the flower was afraid of the "prophecy of the end."

Emma: Prince Azel... what exactly is the prophecy of the end left by the first Living God?

Azel: Find out yourself.

Emma: I wanted to look for books, but I couldn't find any bookstores at all.

In Rhodolite, I could find bookstores just by casually walking around the city.

However, there were no shops in the Tanzanite market that handled books at all.

I couldn't get any information even when I asked people, and in the end, I gave up on bookstores, but--

Azel: Why do you think that is?

Azel sits down on a chair, rests his cheek on his hand on the table, and places his hand on the book he'll probably read during his meal.

Azel: Why are there no bookstores in Tanzanite?

(So it wasn't just that I couldn't find them.)

I felt the air around Azel change.

Emma: Is it because... there aren't many people who can read?

Azel: That's one reason, but there's a more important reason.

Azel: What are people's thoughts made of?

(I wonder what it is.)

Emma: Experiences?

Azel: No. Think more directly.

(...The foundation of thought...)

Emma: Words...?

Azel: That's right. So, where do we get the words that form the basis of our thoughts?

Emma: From everyday conversations, the letters overflowing in the city, and books, I suppose?

Azel: Indeed. The more words people have, the more deeply they can think.

Azel: The reason you're more intelligent than other women is probably because you love books and know a lot of words.

(He casually complimented me.)

Azel: Conversely, if you don't know words, you can't even think.

Azel: Even if you have something in mind, if you can't verbalize it well, you can't be called human.

Emma: In that case, it would be better to have many bookstores, wouldn't it?

Azel: There are people who don't think so, which is why there are no bookstores in Tanzanite.

Emma: ...Why...?

Azel: Come on, think about it.

Azel raises the corners of his mouth as if enjoying the conversation itself.

(Without books, people can't think. But there are people who hate thinking.)

What suddenly crossed my mind was the riot the other day.

The hellish scene of believers and those with distrust towards God punching and cursing each other was hard to believe was the work of people with intellect.

(Clavis said it started with some fanatics.)

(Fanatics surely don't know the words to doubt God.)

(They blindly believe because they don't know the words, and they lash out before thinking.)

(And the one who led them was...)

Emma: ...It's inconvenient, isn't it?

Emma: The more you know words, the more you can think about faith in God from various perspectives.

Emma: If you want to maintain absolute control, the thinking that shows all paths might get in the way.

When I somehow managed to gather the scattered words and put them together, Azel clapped his hands as if to say "well done."

Azel: Of course, there are books in Tanzanite too. But most of them are related to mythology.

Azel: People's thoughts naturally become centered around God.

Azel: The people of Tanzanite haven't been allowed to do so for many years.

Azel: To become independent from God by gaining knowledge.

Emma: ...That's not what you want, is it, Prince Azel?

Azel: No, I'm actually inviting book merchants. Akatsuki and you are the leading examples.

Azel: There are bookstores too, though small. People have also become more knowledgeable than before.

Azel: But there are still those who don't like the idea of the people having knowledge.

Emma: ...The apostle, right?

(Because he's the kind of person who would ignore even your will, Azel, to protect the divine authority of God.)

Azel: To be precise, it's the "royal family."

Azel: The clan that descends from the first Living God believes without a doubt that protecting this mystery is their mission.

Azel: The control of thought might be a sin that the royal family of Tanzanite has held onto for a long time.

*flashback*

Silvio: The people of Tanzanite today can't live without God.

Silvio: They are kept alive by God, and have built their prosperity by God.

Silvio: If God doesn't want it...

Silvio: I wonder who created this current situation?

*back to present*

(I understand the answer to that question now... but...)

(It's strange that God and the royal family, who are supposed to be praising God, are so out of sync.)

(In Tanzanite, God is not an idol.)

(He's a living mystery right here, and he's showing a clear will.)

Azel: But sin is something that must eventually be atoned for.

Azel: They will pay the price eventually.

Emma: Is that... the "prophecy of the end"?

Azel: Who knows?

Azel shrugs his shoulders and casually reaches for the croquettes lined up on the table.

Azel: ...........Delicious.

He seems to have accidentally let it slip, and noticing my gaze, Azel looks away awkwardly.

Azel: ...If you want to know about the first Living God's prophecy, why don't you ask Enis?

Azel: He'll surely answer with a pale face. Unlike me, he's obedient.

Emma: Won't you tell me, Prince Azel?

Azel: It'll cost you.

Emma: Not that again...

Azel: This time it will be an exorbitant amount. Give up and go ask the king.

(If it were the usual Azel, I feel like he would tell me even if I was reluctant, since it's a chance to get money.)

(Is there some reason why it's hard to say?)

Azel reaches for the second croquette--

Emma: Stop snacking!

I grab his greedy hand from me, and I'm surprised by the thickness of his wrist, more than I imagined.

(...It's a man's hand.)

(No, I've held it before...)

(Was it this strong?)

Azel: To give orders to a God...

Emma: It's not an order, it's a request. The sauce isn't ready yet.

Azel: I don't need it.

Emma: I need it.

Azel: ..............

Emma: I won't give in even if you make a sulky face.

Azel: Stingy.

Emma: I'm fine with being stingy.

Emma: But if you like it that much, it was worth the effort I put into making it.

Azel: ..............Please stop saying things like that.

Azel grabs my hand back and pulls it away.

I feel my heart skip a beat again-- I look down, and the sound of knocking ton ton shakes the air.

Emma: Kamal?

Kamal is leaning against the door, which had been left open at some point.

She has a gentle expression, as if she has just seen something heartwarming.

Azel: ...Oh, that's right.

Azel: Kamal, let's talk outside.

Azel: I'll be right back.

Azel stands up and quickly leaves with Kamal.

When the two of them stand side by side, they look like a picture-perfect combination of a handsome man and a beautiful woman--

For some reason, I feel a twinge of pain in my chest.

-

Kamal: Oh my, you've become quite close to that child.

Kamal: At first, you were acting all indifferent, like "it has nothing to do with me."

Azel: Shut up. Just hand over the goods.

Kamal: Oh my, evil God. You shouldn't show that child such a scary face.

Laughing lightly, the bewitching beauty takes out a jet-black lump of iron from the large bag she's carrying.

The eyes of the God who received it were frozen.

Kamal: As you predicted, I confiscated it at the port this time.

Kamal: The world's calamity, the beast of ruin... It's really troublesome.

Azel: Yes. But what's truly troublesome is the hidden soldier that man sent.

Azel: I hope the guests from Rhodolite will take this bait.

.

.

.

Chapter 16

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to leave me a tip here or buy me a coffee through the "Leave a Tip" button on my navigation bar!

[drarrily-we-row-along]

October 1: "I've Got You"

Draco Malfoy had had more than his fair share of humiliating moments. There seemed to be no shortage of things in his memory that made him simply want to crawl out of his skin with embarrassment, but this had to be one of the most horrifically mortifying things to ever happen to him.

His bank card was being declined at the check out. Face and neck heating horribly, he looked at the items he had to try to decide what to put back; a loaf of bread, sliced cheese, a jar of apple sauce, a jar of peanut butter, a dozen eggs, and a container of yogurt. "Oh," he said, heart racing as he tried to get past his anxiety to make a decision.

"Here," the man in line behind him said, "I've got you."

He turned, ready to decline his help, but those words fell away in favor of a spluttered, "Potter?"

"Hey, Malfoy," the other man said, nudging him out of the way with his elbow to insert his own card into the machine.

"No-" he started, too late.

Potter looked over at him, then back at his card, "I've got it," he said softly. And somehow there was compassion and understanding in his voice without any pity.

"I-" he tried again, looking at the fresh fruits and vegetables, the rice and potatoes, meats, and other delicious foods that Potter had piled on the belt behind him.

"Don't worry about it," he said before Draco could get any other words out. "Seriously," he added, looking at Draco from under his fringe, looking like he was the one feeling embarrassed as he pulled his card out of the machine and a receipt was printed.

Draco took his bag from the cashier and all but fled the store.

He wasn't too far, though, when he heard a set of footsteps jogging to catch up with him. "Hey-"

"Thank you," he said politely, "I-"

"No," Potter said, shaking his head. "Don't thank me. I just-" he broke off and Draco stared, waiting for him to continue.

When no other words were forth coming, he said, "If you were wanting to make fun of me-"

"No," Potter said, shaking his head vigorously. "No. Shit," he ran his hand through his hair. "Look, come to my house for dinner."

He blinked, "Excuse me?"

"I'm just making up a stir fry," he rambled on, "Nothing fancy just some rice, peppers, snap peas, onions, broccoli, steak, and some teriyaki sauce-"

"I'm fine," Draco said, even as his stomach growled at the thought of eating some actual fresh vegetables.

"Please," Potter said, grabbing his wrist to prevent Draco from turning away.

"Why?" he asked and he wondered if Potter could hear all of the questions in his head why would you help me? What's in it for you? Why aren't you mocking me? Do you just want to mock me in your home? What will this cost me?

Potter swallowed and looked down at his feet, "I know what it's like to not have enough," he said softly. "I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Just," he huffed, "Come on. Let me feed you dinner. Please."

"You have an insufferable martyr complex." he snapped but before he could go anywhere, Potter spoke up again.

"My aunt and uncle," he said, "they didn't feed me enough. I fucking hate peanut butter sandwiches. No one should eat them day in and out. Just," he shook his head, "let me make you some dinner. You don't have to stay to eat it, you don't have to talk to me, you don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"And that's it? You just want me to come to your house and eat your food?"

"That's the gist of it, yeah," Potter said, scrubbing a hand over the back of his neck. "I'm not going to drag you to my house or anything because that would be creepy," he said when Draco didn't reply, still weighing his options, "but I'd really like to do this for you."

"Alright," he whispered, still feeling embarrassed and overwhelmed but also a deep longing for vegetables.

Potter grinned at him, bright and charming, like it was the easiest thing in the world. "Brilliant. Come on then."

And that was the first time that Draco found himself having dinner with Harry Potter, but it certainly wasn't the last.

By the time he left that evening, with a full belly and a container of leftovers, he'd let himself be convinced to come back the following week. A weekly dinner on Wednesday became a Wednesday dinner and a Saturday dinner, which became dinner every other night. And then before he quite knew how it had happened, he was at his house every night for dinner, staying later and later like he never wanted to leave.

Because the truth was that he didn't want to leave. Harry listened to him talk about his dreams, about how hard he was working in the muggle nursing program he was enrolled in, about his shitty job that didn't pay enough. He loved Harry's cat, Milo. He loved looking at Harry's art and listening to him talk about the creative process of making it. He loved hearing about Harry's childhood and getting to talk about his own. He loved having someone to do the mundane things in life with like cooking, chatting, watching telly, even just having someone to sit on the other end of the couch while he studied.

Still it took him by surprise one evening when they were making waffles and bacon for dinner, Harry was at the stove and Draco was cutting up strawberries, when the other man said, "Hey, Draco?"

"Mmhmm?" he hummed around the strawberry that he'd popped in his mouth.

"You know how your job is shit?"

He laughed, "I do. Thanks for reminding me."

"Right," he said, glancing over his shoulder at him, "But what if you didn't have to pay rent, would that make things easier?"

"It would," he said slowly, not allowing his heart to rise, not allowing himself to hope.

Harry nodded, "Do you think you might ever consider moving in with me?" he asked. "No pressure or anything, but I have an extra room," he continued, "well, five, actually. And Sirius gave me the house, so I own it, and-"

"Harry," he said softly, fingers lighting on the other man's bicep to get him to slow down. "I would love to, but I can't take advantage of your generosity."

"You wouldn't have to," he said earnestly. "If you're not paying for rent, you could maybe help with the cost of groceries, if you feel like you need to. But I don't have a ton of expenses, and I have a stupid amount of money, and a ridiculously large house for one person," he babbled. "And I just really like you," he blurted before slapping a hand over his mouth.

Draco blinked at him, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, "You like me?"

Harry nodded, hand still firmly in place over his mouth.

"I like you too," he said softly. "But I don't want you to feel like I only like you because of what you can give me."

He dropped his hand, a tiny smile blossoming on his face, "I hoped you might." Harry reached over and took Draco's hand, "I don't think that you only like me for what I can give you. You see me and hear my words, you know me. I'd really like it if you stayed."

And really, who was Draco to deny Harry Potter anything that he wanted? So he stayed.

-----------------

[thesunhatesme]

Cooking together

Phantom/Swiss Wc: 1.1k Summary: Just Swiss helping Phantom overcome his fear of trying new things

“Okay, what should we try today?” Swiss asked while getting the aprons out. He and Phantom had been cooking a meal together every week for a while now to help him overcome his fear of trying new things, and it seemed to help.

“Can we do this one?” phantom asked, holding up the recipe book and trying to point at the recipe he wanted.

Swiss turned around and leaned his head to the side, “Are you sure you want to try a fish soup with saffron in it?” He was met with silence and a confused look, “You don't like fish very much and saffron has a very strong taste”

Phantom looked at what he was pointing at and quickly moved his finger to point at the other page, “Oh, I meant to point at this” he said as he pointed at the mac`N cheese recipe.

“We cooked that last week, don't you want to try something different?” Swiss pointed out

“And I liked it, I want it again” Phantom replied, with a slight pout.

“How about this, we make the pasta ourselves this time and try it with another sauce?” he suggested while tying an apron around Phantom's waist.

“You can make your own pasta?” Phantom gasped, did it not just come in a box from the supermarket?

“Yeah, it's quite easy actually” Swiss chuckled, “Lets try it”

They started getting all the ingredients out for the pasta and measuring them up in bowls. Swiss instructed Phantom on what to do and why, and Phantom listened closely and did his absolute best to follow. Swiss took over after a bit since Phantom thought it was too tough and continued kneading the dough till it was done. Phantom wrapped it in plastic wrap and then put it in the fridge.

“Now we're going to boil the tomatoes so that we can peel off the skin,” Swiss explained, while putting them in the pot with boiling water. Phantom made sure to put on a timer, so that they wouldn't forget about them, since none of them were very good at keeping track of time. Phantom started peeling the onions and Swiss helped him cut them up. When the timer rang, they put the tomatoes in some ice cold water and Phantom started peeling and cutting up the tomatoes while Swiss started frying the onions.

“Okay, let's see what the next step is…” Swiss muttered to himself while reading the recipe, leaning against the counter, “Time to start mixing everything together” Phantom read over Swiss shoulder, dangling his feet from the counter.

“Yes, good job Bug” Swiss praised as he helped Phantom down from the counter. They measured up all the ingredients and herbs and put the tomatoes in the pot.

“Do we have to add all those spices?” Phantom asked. Swiss wasn't surprised at that, he knew Phantom was quite hesitant towards spices and anything that had a lot of flavor in general.

“We don't have to, but it tastes better with them” Phantom still wasn't convinced, they had a very strong smell, and he'd learnt that if something had a strong smell, the taste was probably quite strong too, at least that was the case with spices.

“How about… we only add half the amount, and if you don't like it, we'll remember that next time.” Swiss suggested.

He stayed quiet for a moment, thinking about it, but then hesitantly agreed with Swiss.

“Look at you trying all this new stuff, making me so proud, Lovebug,” Mountain said from the doorway. He'd been on his way to take a shower after being in the greenhouse for a while, but couldn't resist the smell and had to check it out. 

“Hey Mount, we're making pasta and tomato sauce!” Phantom told him excitedly and almost poured the spices besides the pot. “You can try it when it's done if you want”

“Well I can't say no to that can I, it smells wonderful”, “Let me go take a shower and freshen up a bit and I'll taste when you're done” Mountain said as he started making his way to the shower. If this was just a couple of months ago, Phantom would never have agreed to adding those spices he thought to himself, it made him happy to see phantom overcome his fear.

Swiss pulled out the pasta machine and explained how it worked to Phantom while they unwrapped the dough. Phantom started turning the handle while Swiss held the dough and soon enough they had a bunch of spaghetti.

They started cooking the spaghetti and mixed the sauce in a mixer because Phantom refused to even taste anything with lumps in it. They set the table and started cleaning up a bit.

Mountain knocked on the doorframe to make his presence known and everyone sat down while Swiss served the food. 

“Would you like to try just the pasta first or both pasta and sauce?”

“Pasta and with the sauce on the side not touching each other”

He tried the pasta and it was actually better than the pasta you buy at the store.

“Do you want to try the sauce too?” Swiss asked, putting his hand on his shoulder.

"I'm not sure, the herbs had a strong smell” Phantom said, looking down in his lap, fidgeting with the hem of his sleeves.

“If you don't like it, that's okay, we're not gonna make you eat it” Swiss encouraged him, squeezing his shoulder comfortingly.

“If you don't want it, I'll happily eat it for you, this is the best sauce I've ever tasted” Mountain chimed in, taking a mouthful of pasta and sauce.

“You really think so?” Phantom asked as he looked up at mountain

“Mhm, this is amazing” He said with his mouth full of food.

He brought the spoon up to his mouth, hesitating a bit but the other two ghouls kept on encouraging him, so he put it in his mouth and tried it. He thought about it for a while but decided that it was actually quite okay, he could eat this, still not better than mac`n cheese but still okay. “It wasn't that bad actually”. He stated and Swiss hugged him from the side, telling him how proud he was. 

They finished their meal and started cleaning up. There was a little food left so Phantom decided to put it in a container and bring it to Copia, who of course, loved it. The three ghouls ended up staying for tea in Copias office for a while, but then eventually going back to the den to crash in front of the TV and start watching a movie, that they all would end up falling asleep to.

[copperbadge]

It was recently suggested to me by someone that, owning as I do a number of unconventional cooking appliances including a meat slicer, I could make bacon from scratch. As a prospective Jewish convert, while I don't keep kosher I do have an ambivalence these days around pork products, but I HAD to try it, and it came out really well!

Bit salty, but I think that's because I was combining two recipes -- one for curing, one for "smoking" -- each of which added enough salt to be sufficient, but which together were a bit much. Basically I took pork belly, cured it in a salt, sugar, and herb mixture for two weeks in the fridge, then rinsed it off, placed it in a mixture of soy sauce, molasses, and liquid smoke in a plastic bag, and sous-vide cooked it for 24 hours at 145F before slicing it thin on a deli meat slicer.

I was shocked that it actually like...looked and smelled like bacon, mostly because I'm not used to recipes going this well first time out. It cooked faster than store-bought, but aside from the saltiness tasted like regular ol' bacon. Good stuff.

[ID: Two images; one shows slices of bacon frying in a pan, and the other shows the bacon strips draining on a paper towel; the latter look slightly overcooked, with blackened edges in places and a deep brown-red color.]

[cigarettesandinevitablebetrayal]

Day 1 - Lunch, or Best Attempts At It

Happy Hauville Birthday, folks! Just a quick little something I wrote up. It started as an answer to the prompts, but kind of became it's own thing. Regardless, I hope you enjoy. You can find it on AO3 or

Felix swears as he nearly drops the cookbook in the pot, catching it in time to save anything more than the corner from dipping into the bubbling tomato sauce. "No, no, no, fuck," he murmurs, giving the cookbook a shake and splattering red across the counter and stove. It takes a mad scramble for the paper towels and shoving spice jars to the side before Felix can comfortably put the cookbook down and start dabbing up the mess from the pages. Julian is going to kill him if it stains. He's not convinced Julian owns a book with so much as a creased spine.

The oil in the pot at the back of the stove pops, spitting angrily as one of the papas rellenas cracks clean in half as it fries. "No!" Felix shouts at the offending ball of mashed potato. A raisin frees itself from the center filling, floating miserably to the top of the oil, as Felix fishes the ruined snack out of the oil with the long-handled strainer that Julian called a spider. He isn't sure why Julian had called it that. If anything, it looks more like a spiderweb than an actual spider.

He drops the papa rellena on the plate beside the stove, his brows furrowing as it rolls against the growing pile of destroyed potato and beef. "Okay, that's fine. That's fine." He turns his attention back to the cookbook resting on the only part of the counter that isn't entirely caked in egg and flour and tomato. As he reads, he runs his finger under the words like Julian always does, hoping that maybe it'll inexplicably reveal what he's doing wrong. "Yes, no, okay. Handful of potato, split it in half, indent, fill, stick back together, dip and roll, and fry."

The potatoes squish unpleasantly between his fingers as he scoops up a handful and Felix can't help but grimace. How does Julian - or anyone, really - eat this stuff? No, he can't get distracted. He's going to figure out how to do this or, at the very least, make a passable pair for Julian to have. He will not end this endeavor with nothing to show but burnt and broken papas rellenas.

A familiar clicking and gait sounds in the hallways and only just drops the most recent ball into the oil as he turns to look in horror. The footsteps stop before the door, a jingling of keys, metal scraping metal as the key is inserted and turned, and Felix manages a strained smile as Julian slowly shuts the door behind himself. He wrinkles his nose as Felix can only imagine the smell of hot oil and burnt food hits him.

"Hey, Jules," Felix stretches out the syllables as though that might distract Julian as he hesitantly approaches the kitchen. "I'm making lunch."

Julian's dark eyes scan over the mess, his lips twitching in that way that Felix has learned isn't actually frustration. Amusement, warm and soothing like a bubble bath, fills the air as Julian wets his lips. "Is that what we're calling this?" He asks, eyes finally wandering back to Felix's.

Felix's shoulders slump just a bit as he looks back at the plate of ruined food. "Well, I was trying to."

Julian hums in response, coming around to Felix's side to peer down at the cookbook. His brows furrow, but his lips don't press into a thin line like when he's upset. "You're trying to make papas rellenas." It isn't a question.

Felix rubs the back of his neck. "You said-" An acrid smell hits his nose and he swears as he jumps to fish the last one out of the oil and turn it off. It's the only one that didn't crack, even if it did get a bit too crispy. "You said they were your favorite."

Julian nods. "They're what I cooked the first night you stayed over." He smiles, leaning his forehead against Felix's. "Sweet of you, but these are really difficult to make." He leans in to steal a quick kiss, his glasses sliding down his nose to bump against Felix's. "If you'd asked, we could have made them together."

Felix wraps his arms around Julian's waist, pulling him closer. "I wanted to surprise you."

"You certainly did," Julian chuckles.

He closes his eyes and Felix follows suit, taking a deep breath of Julian's cologne and the faintest hint of his detergent. The click of his heart valve still demands the majority of his attention, but has since melted into the rhythm of his heartbeat. His clothes are soft in Felix's hands and the warmth of his skin could rival sunlight through a window on a summer day. Everything about him chases away the worries he'd had about this whole endeavor.

Slowly, Julian pulls back, running his hand across Felix's cheek one last time before looking over the kitchen. "Okay. Let's see what you've gotten up to."

Felix lets Julian go, reaching for the cabinets with the plates as Julian picks through the ruined scraps on the plate beside the stove. If the minor disaster bothers him, it doesn't show on his face. Felix finds himself smiling despite it all. Maybe the food didn't turn out, but that doesn't matter. So long as he can keep making Julian smile, it'll be a good day.

[dandyghest]

okey dokey, a couple people showed interest in this so here is one of the recipes i've been making while poor and fatigued: i call it "ginger bacon ramen" but it's not actually ramen LOL

i make everything single-serving so adjust my directions as needed!

time needed: approximately 10-15 mins, you could probably do this even faster if you're using multiple hotplates/stove elements. most of the time is spent waiting for things to boil or cook so you can sit for most of it!

ingredients: one egg (or 2), bacon (2 slices, more or less), instant noodle package (i usually use Mr Noodles beef flavour just bc its whats available and least expensive but do whatever u want), ginger (root or powder, either works just fine), garlic (I usually use a jar of minced garlic you can buy in the store but you can also cut up your own garlic if you're cool like that) optional: soy sauce, sesame seeds, sesame oil, spinach, bell pepper, whatever else you'd want to add

other supplies: one pot, one pan, one hotplate of some kind, water, a heat-safe surface that is not your hotplate for placing your pot/pan onto (and a peeler + grater for ginger root if you're using root rather than powder) (and a knife and cutting board if you're mincing your own garlic)

directions (for ONE hotplate. if you have a stove then read it over and combine some of the steps since you're fancy and have multiple stovetop elements to use LOL) (I am adding a lot of detail in case people are not very familiar with kitchens or certain cooking instructions):

Cook bacon on the pan (fry on medium heat, flipping the piece(s) over with a spatula often so it cooks evenly and doesn't burn). Set pan with bacon aside for now. (I like to open the instant noodle package while the bacon is cooking so that I have it ready for the next step. Set aside the flavour packet as we will be using that unless you don't want to lol)

Use your pot to boil noodles according to directions on package. This usually takes a couple mins for the pot to boil and then a minute or two for the noodles to cook. Drain noodles (I just hold the pot lid over the top of the pot with a tiny crack/opening at the bottom edge for water to drain into the sink), and then flop the noodles into the pan with the bacon.

Now use the pot to boil your egg to your liking (how I do it: put egg in pot, fill with water until water covers egg, put pot on hotplate to boil, let the egg boil for a minute or two and then turn the heat off but keep the lid on the pot so it'll keep cooking for a bit more). Set pot to the side and bring your pan back into action. (If you are using ginger root then peel it while egg is cooking so it's ready to grate in next step. If you're using garlic cloves, make sure you peel and mince the garlic before you start the next step.)

(READ NEXT STEP BEFORE STARTING THIS ONE) With the pan back on the stove, you can either keep your cooked bacon in the pan or set it into your bowl that you'll be eating out of, whatever feels right to you. Fry the noodles in the bacon grease for a bit (medium heat), adding sesame oil if there isn't enough bacon grease in the pan.

Add in the garlic and ginger and a bit of the flavour packet as you fry up the noodles in the pan (toasted sesame seeds are also a fun option, and I've even added some diced bell pepper to the pan before! go crazy go stupid with it). How much do you add of everything? As much as you'd like, according to your own tastes! I usually add ... maybe a teaspoon or two of minced garlic, about half the flavour packet, and then a half a teaspoon or a whole teaspoon of ginger depending on if I'm using root or powder (use more powder than root) - I never measure this so I don't actually know the measurements and these are my rough estimates LOL. You can also add in a bit of soy sauce if you want but it's already pretty salty, even for a salt fiend (<- has POTS) like me.

Once you feel like everything is fried to your liking (this takes usually only a minute or two in my experience), transfer everything in the pan into your eating bowl.

Drain the pot with the hardboiled egg and peel the egg, then add that to your eating bowl as well.

You're done! Hurray!

[fuckingrecipes]

Cooking question I'm too embarrassed to ask someone IRL: how easy or hard is it to accidentally poison yourself?

I know not to eat things that are too old (past the best-by date, changed color etc), I know not to eat things that were burned. I know to be careful about handling raw meat. I know how to store leftovers. I know to pay attention to instructions on the package and to check if the package is damaged etc.

But at the same time... well, a lot of cooking advice I've seen over the years includes some variation of "try things out, see what you like!" and I'd kind of like to do that. But if the results turn out inedible, I'd like them to be "inedible" as in "tastes very bad" and not "inedible" as in "going to upset your stomach" or "send you to the hospital"

If I try to cook/bake/roast/fry/whatever a food that can be eaten raw, like fruit, what are the odds that the result will be safe to eat?

What about lettuce? I'm aware it would probably taste bad, but would it be safe to try?

If I mix random liquid-y things from my pantry to make a sauce for whatever vegetables&meat I'm frying, what are the odds the result would be safe to eat? (Assuming all the components are edible by themself, I'm NOT talking about cleaning solutions or dish soap or whatever)

What might be some questions I don't even know I should check?

If I try to cook/bake/roast/fry/whatever a food that can be eaten raw, like fruit, what are the odds that the result will be safe to eat? If I mix random liquid-y things from my pantry to make a sauce for whatever vegetables&meat I'm frying, what are the odds the result would be safe to eat?

100% safe. There is a ZERO (0%) percent chance of accidentally creating a poison when cooking a safe-to-eat-raw food item.

You're not going to accidentally create a poison when you mix spices, sauces, or various edible ingredients together.

It's just not how chemistry works. With no exception I can think of, you can't take one safe-to-eat plant or animal and cook it or mix it with another in a way that will create a toxic substance.

Cooking lettuce to eat is safe. Cooking whole fruit is safe. Mixing a hundred sauces together is safe. Go for it.

I could take a sample of every single individually edible item in my fridge, pantry, and spice cabinet, blend it all into a big slurry, cook it & eat a portion of that concoction with confidence that I won't die from it. While it may be gross and taste bad, it won't actually harm me. It won't be a poison, no matter how many different types of food ingredients are tossed into the pot.

I cannot guarantee that you will never upset your stomach, because you could be sensitive to or allergic to an ingredient that I don't know about. It's not a poison to all humans, but it'd be uncomfortable to you. You can only learn about that through experience.

What CAN be dangerous:

Improper sterilization and improper technique can accidentally leave poison-producing bacteria or mold to breed when canning or fermenting foods.

Eating large amounts of a couple specific foods can be risky. There's not a lot of these, so here's a list of the big names to keep an eye on:

Cassia (common) cinnamon has a chemical that is toxic in larger quantities, but harmless in small quantities. If you eat 2 teaspoons a day, every day, you'll run into trouble. If you use Ceylon cinnamon instead, you can eat pretty much as much as you want.

Don't eat a whole nutmeg. It's wonderful when used sparingly, but can be poisonous in large amounts. Same rule as Cassia cinnamon: 2 teaspoons a day, every day, will get you into trouble. Eat less or less often.

Eating too much Liver (the organ) can cause copper toxicity and Vitamin A toxicity. It's great for you when added to a meal once a week, or a couple times a month, but shouldn't be eaten daily or in huge amounts.

Don't swallow cherry pits. They're generally harmless when swallowed whole, because they pass through digestion unscathed, but if they're crushed or cracked open first they release a compound that turns into cyanide when digested. Our body handles cyanide pretty well, but 4-5 cracked pits can become harmful. So: Don't chew them, and don't swallow them on purpose.

There are some foods which need special preparation to be made safe. They're safe COOKED, but not RAW.

Cooked beans & legumes are safe to eat. But if you're starting from a totally DRY bean or lentil (canned are pre-cooked) make sure to soak them in water for several hours and boil until they're FULLY COOKED before you eat. (Fully cooked is when you can crush them easily with a fork, with no gritty or hard center) Undercooked or uncooked beans & legumes can fuck up your guts real good. Very painful, horribly unpleasant, but probably won't kill you.

Cassava (the root vegetable that tapioca is made from) MUST be thoroughly cooked before eating. Raw cassava can be toxic. It's another cyanide bro.

Don't eat raw potatoes - always cook them. If your potatoes have sprouted, don't eat the sprouts & peel any green skin off. Tbh tho, an adult would need to eat at least a pound of green potatoes to get sick. Be reasonably cautious about it. Don't feed green potatoes to small children.

--

Note: This advice is intended for someone who shops at a grocery for their food, not someone who is foraging for ingredients or is growing their own. There's a lot more opportunities to poison yourself when working with whole plants in the wild, and not the prepared-for-sale ones at a store.

[feyburner]

a while ago you shared your rice onions bell peppers chicken recipe as your go to meal and i made it last night and it was amazing!!! tysm for sharing it. do you have any other chicken recipes that can be made in a wok/kadhai? I don’t have an oven so I was pleasantly surprised to make sth that actually tasted good and not just sth i whip up for sustenance 😅

Yeah for sure. I rarely use the oven when I’m cooking dinner, I do pretty much everything on the stovetop in a wok or frying pan. It's faster and gives me more control.

I think the best thing you can do is learn basic techniques. Once you have the basics down, you don't need a recipe to whip up a quick weekday dinner. You can just cook whatever you feel like cooking, with whatever's in your kitchen: whatever cut of meat, whatever veggies, whatever spices in your pantry.

99% of what I do is just the same basic techniques with different seasoning profiles, veggie sides, and carbs (rice, flatbread, potatoes, noodles).

Here are 4 things to do with chicken in a wok.

Dry Rub + Saute

The easiest and fastest. Simply make a spice mix, massage it into every nook and cranny of the meat (whole or chopped, either way), let it sit for a bit while you get other stuff ready and heat the pan (ideally you'd let it rest in the fridge for a few hours, but it's not necessary), then saute in oil.

The spice mix can be whatever you want (or a premade one, who cares). It's honestly hard to find a combination of random herbs and spices that doesn't taste good. After all, the basis of all cuisine is "doing stuff with whatever we have around," and I've never met a cuisine I didn't like. My go-to spice mix is 1 spoonful brown sugar plus roughly equal parts (1-2 tsp each) paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, chili or cayenne powder, salt, black pepper, plus 1-2 dried herbs. (Basically Cajun spice mix.)

How to saute (it's one of those things that everyone just assumes you know how to do, but maybe you don't!): First, heat wok over high/medium-high heat. You know the wok is nice and hot when you flick a couple drops of water in there and they instantly evaporate. Then, drizzle in enough oil to give the bottom of the wok a solid unbroken sheen. Swirl the pan so the oil coats the whole bottom. Watch the oil. When the surface is shimmering/trembling (should be very quick if your pan is already hot), it's ready. Carefully add your chopped meat or veggies in a single layer--don't overcrowd the pan, the meat will steam instead of brown. Let the meat sizzle untouched for like 2-3 minutes, then flip to brown the other side. You don't need to constantly stir or toss--that just lengthens your cooking time because the meat isn't touching the pan long enough to brown. That's how you get tough chicken! For chopped chicken, 6-7 minutes of pan-touching is plenty of time to cook through.

Marinate + Saute

Same thing as a dry rub, just wet. There are lots of ways to marinate chicken. The thing to remember is marinade = acid. Acid breaks down proteins, which tenderizes the chicken/meat.

Typical marinade acids: lemon juice, vinegar, soy sauce, buttermilk, yogurt. Simply pick one and build the rest of the marinade around it. If you use something very acidic, like lemon juice or vinegar, you'll want to balance it with fat: roughly equal parts lemon juice and olive oil. For soy sauce, it's really salty, so you'll want to balance it with something sweet: honey, brown sugar (i.e. teriyaki). Buttermilk and yogurt are great bases for a spice mix--think US Southern buttermilk fried chicken, or Indian yogurt marinades.

Once you have a balanced base, you can add whatever herbs and spices you want. Then just make sure all the meat is coated in marinade, cover, and chill in the fridge for a few hours. Then saute as usual (though you might want to use a little bit more oil to avoid bits of marinade sticking and burning).

Curry

Very easy and delicious. There are 1 million kinds of curry. This is just me but I think of it as a spectrum from thin to thick. "Thin" would be like Japanese or Thai style, where the base is primarily broth or stock (sometimes with coconut milk/cream) thickened or flavored with roux or curry paste. "Thick" would be like certain types of Indian curry, like makhani style with the blended tomato-onion base, or yogurt base, or creamy cashew/peanut/etc. base.

The main building blocks are gonna be onion, garlic, ginger. Then spices and other seasonings, obviously depending on what kind of curry you're making: curry powder, garam masala, lemongrass paste, cumin, coriander, cardamom, chili, mustard, cinnamon, cloves, turmeric, etc.

If you are making "thin" style, you might want to make a roux. A roux is just equal parts fat and flour cooked in a pan.

How to make roux: 1/4 cup flour, 1/4 cup butter. Melt butter in pan, add flour, stir constantly over medium-low heat until desired color. Light roux = cook 5 min just until blond/golden, use for white sauces like bechamel. Brown roux = cook until caramel color, use for curries and soups. Dark roux = cook until deep chocolate brown, use for gumbo or jambalaya (mostly for flavor, not thickening).

To make roux for a curry, make a light or brown roux and add curry spices near the end. Let it fry for 1 minute or so to bloom the spices. Remove from pan and set aside to cool.

Another way of thickening curry is to cook chopped or diced onion until softened, then sprinkle on 2-3 Tbsp of flour + whatever spices you're using and stir for 1 minute or so to cook the flour and bloom the spices. Then add liquid.

3 basic curry methods:

Japanese style. Make curry roux. Heat oil in a wok. Add chopped onion and cook until softened. Stir in minced garlic and ginger (or ginger-garlic paste). Add chopped chicken and cook, stirring, until white on the outside. Add 4 cups chicken stock. Add chopped carrots and potatoes. Season with soy sauce, honey, etc. Simmer 15-20 minutes, uncovered, until chicken is cooked and veg is softened. Take 1 ladleful of cooking liquid and whisk into your roux until smooth. Stir that mixture back into your curry. Simmer, stirring, 5-10 minutes until thickened.

Thai style. Heat oil in a wok. Add curry paste or ginger/garlic/lemongrass paste + curry spice mix and fry 1 minute to bloom. Add 2-3 cups stock a little at a time, whisking, to avoid lumps. Add chopped chicken, onion, potato, whatever else you want, plus 1 can coconut milk/cream. Season with fish sauce, tamarind, sugar, etc. Simmer 15-20 minutes, uncovered, until chicken is cooked and veg is softened.

Indian tomato-base style. Marinate chopped chicken in yogurt marinade with curry spices for a few hours. Heat oil in a wok. Add minced garlic and ginger (or ginger-garlic paste) and curry spices. Fry 1 minute to bloom. Add chopped onion (and bell pepper if you want) and stir together. Add 1 x 28oz can tomato puree. Cook, stirring, 5 or so minutes until slightly darkened. Carefully transfer to a blender and blend until smooth. Transfer back to pan. Add 1 can coconut milk/cream or 1ish cups heavy cream. Simmer 30-40 minutes. Meanwhile, in a separate pan, sear chicken on both sides just until browned and caramelized. Add to curry and cook for 10 minutes until cooked through.

All of these are very hard to fuck up, since they're so similar to soup. Pick a style, pick some spices, go for it.

Finally,

Stir Fry

Who doesn't love stir fry, the world's most versatile food. "Stir fry" as a technique is different from "saute" in that it uses a bit more oil and a slightly lower heat, so there's a slightly longer cook time. (And you're stirring more.) For stir fry, you'll want to velvet your chicken to make it super tender and juicy. Otherwise, all you're doing is making a stir fry sauce and then cooking chicken and veggies in stages.

To make a stir fry sauce: The equation is: Water + fat + balance of sweet, salt, spice, sour + thickener. My go-to is like 1/3ish cup water + 1-2 Tbsp sesame oil + brown sugar, soy sauce, hot sauce, lemon juice or rice vinegar + 1 Tbsp cornstarch mixed with 1 Tbsp water to create a cornstarch slurry. Just mix everything together and set aside. Then saute your chicken first, remove from pan. Add your veg to the pan in stages depending on how long they take to cook: first something like broccoli or carrot, cook for a few minutes, then onion and pepper, then minced garlic and ginger at the very end (garlic burns easily). Add your chicken back in, give a stir, pour your sauce in, give it a stir, done.

Good god this got long. Sorry. Work was slow today so what else am I gonna do.

Anyway, hope this helps! These 4 basic things, in combination with the wide world of seasonings, can create infinite easy meals. Let me know if you try anything. Good luck!