#I don't know how to tag that guy does he even have a full name?? nerva something galvus | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

scourgeofmyownbrain · 18 days ago

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Only one guy on here has two eyes, and even then, they're fake eyes. It's big-tits-McGee, Mr. logic man extraordinaire, Geneva Suggestion Believer himself: Shockwave! Yep, all 12 of him, a reasonable amount of alternates to have, unlike some people... Shockwave Height Chart, everyone, fuckin wee.

Edit: I didn't like the old scaling I had so I changed it. The old chart is at the end of this post.

Quick Disclaimer, if any of the images look weird, it's because I had to stitch a few separate images together to create a full body shot of the character.

Here are links to my Bumblebee Chart, my Optimus Chart, my Megatron Chart, and my Soundwave Chart. Please go gawk at how many Optimus designs there are, sweet fuck, there are so many. For future reference, all these charts will be filed under my "Transformers Height Charts" tag and my "aka the adventures of a..." tag.

Explanations and Sources below the cut.

Unicron Trilogy Energon - ~14 feet 3 inches (No actual source, and Energon doesn't have any listed heights anywhere. For the uneducated, the Unicron Trilogy has given each of its 3 seasons separate names and 3 separate art styles. This is the design used in Energon (S2) though he only shows up in Energon. I was able to compare him to Optimus, and using Cybertron's listed heights, I got this number. I am in physical pain, it does not get better from here. Hilarious side note, his Japanese name is Laserwave, which contains the missing "wave" of Shockwave in this iteration's name.)

Earth Spark - ~15 feet (No actual source for ES, but using a barn door to get Bumblebee's height, then Optimus's, then Megatron's height, I was able to make a guess at Shockwave's. Shockwave comes up to about Megatron's chin; I lost the screenshot I used. It's so convoluted, I know, but it's all I have, also, tiny universe, everyone is so small)

TFA Longarm/V1 - 15 feet 2 inches (Animated has no actual numbers, but the lovely @phoenix-inanis has provided a frankly astounding resource with their own calculations for the heights of all the TFA characters. Go look at it, it's wonderful -> https://phoenix-inanis.notion.site/TFA-Height-Chart-f6ad2960ca8c4c5b859ee4958723aaa4?pvs=4)

Gen 1 - ~18 feet (TFWiki, uuuuh I've got nothing to add)

Netflix Cybertron Trilogy - ~18 feet (I have no source for this, other than assuming that because this design is identical to Gen 1, they are the same height. That's it, really)

Knight/Capel-Verse - ~18 feet (No source, and he never stands next to anyone I can measure him against, but because the TFOne director has said that this movie is both canon to the LA movies and its own separate canon, I am assuming the height I figured out for TFOne applies to this universe as well. Until proven otherwise. Capel directed the ROTB movie if you're wondering why his name is there)

One - ~18 feet (No source, I got this number by comparing him to Optimus. Now, I am aware of the TFO heights listed on the wiki, but I reject those numbers on principal. A: Those numbers are sourced from the Walmart Promotional AR Experience that came out before the movie. B: There are three decimal points, and that number does not convert into a whole number in meters (which is originally what I thought was weird about it). C: The director has said that this movie is both canon to the LA movies and its own separate canon, so I have elected to use the few given heights we have from KCV and worked from there. My Optimus post has slightly more context if you want it)

Cyberverse - 20 feet (This comes from a screenshot of this video which has the Cyberverse height chart everyone uses, though the quality of the screenshot is iffy.)

Aligned Cont. WF/FOC/TFP - 26 feet 2 inches (This number comes from Fandom and I completely believe it, even if they don't list their source, because the entirety of this universe is freakishly tall. Go look at my other charts, all the ALC designs are monstrous compared to the others)

TFA V2 - 29 feet 11 inches (Once again, phoenix-inanis did a fuck ton of work, go look at it, it's wonderful -> https://phoenix-inanis.notion.site/TFA-Height-Chart-f6ad2960ca8c4c5b859ee4958723aaa4?pvs=4)

Bayverse - ~30 feet (Ok, so I don't have a source for this one. There used to be one, BV Shockwave used to be listed as 40 feet tall bc of an article done to promote the movie, but that is no longer listed for reasons not known to me, and making some comparisons to Optimus, I have found them to be kinda close in height. It's very hard to actually validate any of this. Shockwave never stands normally next to anything I can use as a ruler at any point in the movie. He's always at a dramatic angle or partially covered by something in the shot. It's so violently frustrating. I am confident he is around this height though, I just can't figure out how much taller than Optimus he is)

And that's it. I didn't have to leave any designs out, all of them are included here (hopefully). It was so nice to work with a character where I wasn't drowning in 20+ designs across every goddamn universe.

Edit: Here are the different layers separated.

vvv Old scale vvv

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sameschmidtdiffname · 8 months ago

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Wool Over My Eyes

Mike Schmidt x Gender Neutral! Reader

Summery: Mike always says you have such trouble getting up in the morning. You don't intend to take so long to wake, but Mike is quite confident the solution lays just at his fingertips- and lips.

Tags: No use of Y/N, no use of gendered pronouns, no genitalia specification, light bondage, pet names, dirty talk, fingering, oral (reader recieving), cum swallowing, morning sex, light breeding kink, recording sex, dacryphillia, light choking, switch! Mike, switch! Reader, facial, age-gap, interrupted sex, barely proofread and over the course of three days after my shifts right before I went to bed (cuz we die like men)

Notes: I love you gullible fucks.

"C'mere here, sweet thing."

I groan as Mike rolls me onto my side, his lips finding my cheek that has been textured from the blanket that imprinted itself upon my skin as I slept restlessly through the night. It had only been a couple hours ago that I'd finally found sleep, and it doesn't even feel like five minutes since I'd actually sunk into it.

"Five more minutes," I groan, my words slurred with sleep as I press my back further against Mike's intoxicatingly warm and inviting front, hardly even noticing anything else about my surroundings as I begin to drift back into sleep once more.

"You said five minutes an hour ago," Mike gently chides into my ear, his voice almost a full octave lower and rough with his own sleep, probably. My hand automatically raises to swipe lazily at his lips which graze so lightly against the shell of my ear, his breath tickling my skin enough to irritate my tired mind. "It's time to wake up."

"Mm," I moan in a somewhat childlike manner. He chuckles at this, his lips once more finding my cheek as his hands begin to peel the blanket away from me, slowly exposing my chest mostly.

"Don't," I groan in a soft, high voice, the cold air of the room beginning to stiffen certian parts of my body. Such as my back, shoulders.

"Be nice," Mike chuckles as his lips trail lazily closer to my own, his hand satisfied with how exposed my body is now and beginning to reverse its trail, now grazing his fingertips gently along the soft cotton of my shirt that still keeps my chest covered.

"Make me," I try to snap, too drugged with sleep to carry any venom in my voice.

Mike's lips find mine in an instant, his tongue diving into my mouth as he suddenly moves his hand to my hair, tugging at it almost harshly as a small whine escapes me from the sudden aggression. He moans into the kiss, his other hand wrapping around my throat ever so gently as our lips slide together, slick with his spit, making me pant against his kiss.

"Don't make me be the bad guy," Mike says against my lips when he pulls away for a moment. His head ducks down to tease at my neck, biting into it softly before he returns to my mouth, slipping his tongue inside of it once more and moaning loudly as he does.

Our kisses are not graceful, I'll admit. They're messy, hard, wet with thick desire as his hand trails to and from my neck, spreading across my chest until his calloused hand eventually dives under my shirt, searching for a stiff nipple to play with as he pulls away from me once more, his eyes glazed with want and desperation as he watches me closely, a lazy smile upon his lips.

"Make those pretty sounds for me," Mike pleads breathily as he pinches particularly hard on my nipple. A short gasp escapes me, my cheeks turning red as my eyes flutter shut once more.

"Hey," Mike says in a firmer voice, lips quickly sealing onto mine once more as his tongue slips against mine needingly before he quickly pulls away. "Stay awake."

"I am awake," I pout softly. He tugs on my nipple again, forcing a small cry from me as he bites my bottom lip.

"Don't lie," Mike warns in a low, rough, almost growling voice. "You know I hate it when you lie."

It's not a lie!... Though admittedly I could see how it would be easy to slip into such bliss as Mike uses me. It's a somewhat arousing thought, the idea of him fucking me to sleep.

"I'm recording, you know," Mike teases as his other hand slips from my hair to the other side of my chest, both of my nipples now being abused by the older man as I pant openly, my hips finding his thick thigh between my legs. "Figured I could use the proof that you just don't like waking up in the morning to see if you'll finally listen to me."

"I listen to you," I protest. His nails scratch my nipples, making me loudly cry out at the touch.

"I said. Don't. Lie," Mike reminds me. "God, its like you want to be punished."

The idea makes my legs pull together in want, my hips dragging deliciously against Mike's thigh as I moan openly, wanting for nothing more than what he'd just suggested.

"You like that, pretty toy?" Mike asks softly against my ear, his teeth nipping at my lobe while one of his hands roughly grabs my chest, the other hand swirling his thumb in quick circles around my aching nipple. Fuck, Jesus. I could cum like this and I wouldn't protest.

"Maybe I just won't touch you," Mike says low in my ear, his voice predatory as I quicken my hips against his thigh which presses harder against me. "You seem to be eager to cum just like this. So easy, so fun to play with."

Mike shoves his tongue into my mouth once more, his hands shifting. One to my throat, one to my hip. He guides my body to quicken its pace against him, his hand occasionally smacking hard against my ass and even playing with the muscle as his eyes drift open to watch me.

"You like being my favorite toy, don't you?" Mike asks in a tired, low and aroused voice as he smirks. I nod slowly, stupid and sleepy against him. Mike smacks my ass again, grabbing and jiggling it roughly after. "Open your eyes when I'm talking to you," he commands. Stupidly I obey, eager to please him as I begin to feel my stomach constrict in pleasure at his touch.

"There you go. Good plaything. You're just so eager to please, aren't you?" Mike asks in a patronizing tone, leaning forward to graze his lips against mine. I move to press harder against them, but he pulls away, still leaving them close enough to tease me, waiting for me to try to swoop in again, then pulling away far enough I whine as I realize his evil game.

"You like older men playing with you, admit it," Mike says in a cocky tone, his hand dipping under my sweatpants to play with my bare ass. I moan in response to his words and his touch, but it doesn't seem to be enough.

"Say it," Mike orders softly, smiling at the sight of me. I blush, shaking my head slightly as I glance away. Mike grabs my ass roughly again, pressing his thigh harder against me as the look in his eye shifts to something slightly darker. "Say it."

I shake my head again, an unwilling smile growing more as Mike grabs harder, leaning in close enough to whisper threateningly, but ready to pull away if I dared to take advantage of the opportunity and kiss him.

"I like older men playing with me," I say in a soft, quick whisper before he can make another threat. His eyes turn gentle once again, and he drags me into another kiss, sweet and loving while he begins to shift his body to hover above mine, moving his thigh much to my displeasure.

"Look at that," Mike praises softly. "You can be so good when you want to be, can't you?"

Mike leans down to press his lips against my neck, biting roughly into it and making me cry out. He stays there for almost a minute, ensuring that there will be a dark bite mark obvious on my skin for the next week before he moves to the other side of my neck, repeating this process. I squirm underneath of him, moaning and crying out pathetically. His hard cock grazes against my leg, and once he finds it he begins to grind against it, releasing his own soft noises as he begins to lap at my blooming marks with his warm, wide tongue.

"Fuck me!" I whine against Mike's ear, nipping at his lobe and panting openly as my hand descends downwards, my fingers just brushing past the waistband of my pants when his own hand carefully but tightly grabs my wrist, moving to pin it just above my head as he uses my body to masturbate.

Mike doesn't respond to my plea. He simply moans as his hips increase in tempo, making it obvious how close he is already. Part of me wonders if this was meant to be a reenactment of his dream last night, or if maybe he'd been fucking himself beside me as I slept for who knows how long before he finally woke me in a moment of desperation. Both ideas make me faint with want.

I use my free hand to snatch a clump of dark curls on the back of his head, pulling them roughly to force him away from my neck. The pain makes him cry out in a deliciously broken voice, his hips stuttering before resuming in a slightly increased pace as his eyes shift to meet mine, a bright red coat of blush decorating his peaceful face, creating the perfect image of such a beautiful, desperate man.

"I asked you to fuck me," I seethe, tugging harshly on his hair again, making him cry out once more. His cock twitches against my leg, then suddenly he begins trying to crawl down my body, his hands grabbing at whatever flesh he can find as he bites harshly at my being, his slick tongue quick to soothe the marks as his amber eyes watch me pleadingly, begging for praise that I don't offer to him.

Mike's hands paw at my pants, dragging them down my hips without even undoing the tight drawstring that keeps the waistline fitted to me properly. The moment I feel the cold air begin to sink into my newly exposed skin, Mike's lips are quick to warm me once again, his tongue diving between my legs as he laps greedily, moaning as he teases my entrance with it. The wet muscle probs at me, tempting me to grab his hair and shove him against me while I ride his face, but I decide instead to pet his hair in non-verbal praise, driving him wild as his blush deepens. His large hands cup my ass, raising my hips off the bed slightly and spreading my legs wider, allowing him easier access to me.

"Stop being a tease," I moan lightly, digging my hand deeper into his hair and scratching lightly at his scalp. His voice cracks as he moans, slipping his tongue into me obediently as he plays with my ass. His own hips fuck the bed, slight trembling obvious as his lashes flutter shut, spit beginning to dribble down his chin as he quickly slides his tongue out and in, swirling it around inside of me and playing with my entrance every time he slips out.

I close my own eyes, pleasure making my back stiff as I hold his head between my thighs, hyperfocusing on the feeling of him tongue fucking me, the knot in my stomach tightening with every move, big or small. The noises he makes as he eats me out are improper, through and through. His voice makes insanity inducing vibrations that spread throughout me with each pathetic, high pitched moan. The bed creeks with every thrust of his hips against the old mattress. A part of me wonders if he's being so vocal for the tape currently recording us, paranoid that the cassette player on his nightstand may not be able to hear us properly. Another part of me likes to think that he's just this into it, so driven insane by my body that he just simply can't help the noises of pleasure that escape him. The idea makes me grip his hair tighter, my hips beginning to thrust harder against his face, making his voice rise in pitch as his eyes drift open, glazed and stupid while he admires me. His nails dig into my ass, his tongue hardly moving out of me now as he fucks me.

"You like it when I fuck your face like this?" I ask him, watching his blush grow as he nods against me, his hips quickening as I thrust harder into his mouth, my thighs tightening around his head. He looks so pretty like this, so utterly desperate.

"You want me to cum on your tongue?" I ask him, tugging his hair harder. He shakes his head, swirling his tongue around inside of me, making me groan lowly. "Where should I cum then?"

Mike slips his tongue out of me quickly, raising his head slightly as he speaks. "On my face," he says sweetly before diving back between my legs, lapping greedily at my entrance while I moan.

"Oh," I drawl slowly, letting him play with me while I watch. "You want me to paint that pretty face?"

Mike moans against me, sliding his tongue into me once more as he ruts against the bed, his eyes closing once more as he puts his all into the act.

"Do you like warming me up for your cock like this?" I ask him, giggling when he dives deeper inside of me in response. "Such a good way to get me ready to breed."

This seems to do the trick for Mike, his eyes snapping open to watch me as he fucks my hole desperately, moaning and panting as his tongue slides in and out, slick noises echoing throughout the room with each movement.

My breathing hitches in my throat as I fuck his face roughly, my stomach feeling tight as my orgasm edges closer, my teeth digging into my lower lip.

"I'm not gonna last much longer," I warn Mike, thrusting harder onto his rapid tongue while one of my hands begin to play with my now neglected nipple. One of Mike's hands quickly finds the other, both of us now playing with my chest to make me whine as I edge ever close, my eyes squeezing shut as I focus on my climax, my voice ragged and high as I moan for Mike to quicken his hand. He obeys immediately, his thumbnail flicking at the hard bud while his other hand squeezes my ass, nails digging into the cheek while he moans into me. I steal a look downwards at him, locking eyes with his now possessive glare while he watches me with eager satisfaction, silently begging me to come undone onto his face. And with such a beautiful, demanding man fucking me like this, who am I to say no?

"I'm coming," I stutter as the tight knot in my stomach begins to snap. "Fuck, Jesus, I'm coming!"

Mike moans in harmony with me, eyes widening in excitement as I pull him as tight against me as I can. My own eyes flutter shut, my hand clamping down over my mouth to muffle my sharp cries, my body trembling as my muscles stiffen, pleasure ripping through me to the point I clamp my thighs tight around Mike's head, pumping into his mouth with such vigor I'm almost worried he may not be able to breathe properly. But he doesn't ask me to stop, his pants soft and desperate as his own body shakes.

The force of my orgasm takes me by surprise, relaxation kicking in hard enough that when I close my eyes, it's hard to open them again. With each tremble from the waves pulsing through me I'm coaxed back into sleep, my muscles slowly relaxing one by one, my mind shutting off, and it doesn't take long before I can hear a deep voice in my ear, whining something much too loud for my tastes.

"Mm," I groan once again. "C'mere, come cuddle with m-"

"I asked you, very politely, to stay awake," Mike whispers in my ear. My eyes flutter open, blinking rapidly to adjust once more to the morning light. "What on earth am I going to do with you?"

In Mike's hand is a small washcloth, wiping away at the leftover cum I had painted his face with. Mike's hand is rubbing my thigh as he grazes his cock over my hole, teasing me as punishment.

"I'm sorry," I say softly, a blush rising to my cheeks as I try to put on my best act of innocence so maybe he'll skip the torture and go straight to fucking me.

"No," Mike drawls, his hand inching closer. "No, I don't think you are."

The tip of Mike's cock presses against my entrance, threatening to dip in, making me moan desperately.

"Shush," Mike soothes me, wrapping his hand around my throat slowly, finger by finger. "Don't wake the rest of the house."

Mike slips his middle finger inside of me, pumping quickly and hard. I whimper quietly, which seems to be too loud for his taste.

"I said be quiet," Mike whispers patiently as he carefully squeezes my throat. I try to reach for his hair only to discover my hands have been bound to the bedframe by some sort of cloth.

"You like my tie, sweet thing?" Mike asks sweetly, slamming harder into me. I can hear the increasing volume of the smacking inside me as he fucks me with his hand, sounding so delicious as he curls his fingers just right. Mike leans in closer, running his tongue over the bottom of my lip before shoving it inside of my mouth to claim me once again. I moan loudly, giving in fully to desire as he has his way with me. Mike pulls away instantly, choking me hard enough my airflow is slightly restricted. His ring finger slips inside of me right before he begins to slam inside of me with all of his strength, making me gasp pathetically while he ruins my tightening hole, my legs trembling as I arch my back, pressing against his smooth tie. I wrap the longer end around my palm, tugging at it in desperation. Mike bites down on my neck again, and I'm about to cry out when the doorbell buzzes throughout the living room, making us both jolt in surprise at the sudden interruption.

"No, no, no, no!" I whine, my eyes wide as I feel Mike thrust into me one final time as hard as he can before pulling away, leaving me empty and trembling while he stands from the bed. "Come back, come back!"

Mike looks cocky and pleased with himself while he pulls a sweater on over his head, glancing back over his shoulder at me for just a second.

"Just go back to sleep, sweetheart. I'll handle it," he coos like an asshole.

"B-but I'm not- we-"

Mike is out the door before I can protest, our unexpected guest buzzing once more in clear irritation at the slow response to their arrival. Who the fuck even is it? It's hardly even seven!

Disappointed and frustrated, I slump against the bed, clearly pouting as I hear Mike open the front door. And Abby is slipping out of her room now too, her young voice muffled through the walls as she greets Aunt Jane, apparently.

Oh my god.

Not fucking fair!

¤▪︎{♧}▪︎¤

You know, I wasn't gonna write this. I just pulled a bunch of tags out of my ass when I originally posted the fake fic, but then I decided you guys took the joke so well that you all deserved a little treat. Say 'thank you, Dani.' <3

I may be an asshole, but I'm not evil. So, I expanded my regular taglist to include the horny fucks that got trolled so they could read my bullshitted glory. You're welcome 😌 (would love to have you join the taglist full time, btw!):

@cassiecasluciluce @gh0u1ishly @joshhutchersons-slut @schmidtsbimbo @sugarevans @wompwompwomp57 @jhutchissupercool @laurrrelise @orchidmothh @mystargirl-interlude @freak-accident419 @fatinhadesiners06 @mrjsbunny @futureman @sleepyhutcherson @lile6969 @heartsoremania @bowerssz51 @nick-nacker @joshhutchersonsgf @kathybernice @janitorhutcherson @sofiehutch. Thank you for your support pookies!!! <3

Happy April fools day, everyone. Thanks for following, reblogging and commenting. See you next time!

•▪︎Masterlist▪︎•

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dotster001 · 2 years ago

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Househusband Au HC'S

Summary:Crewel/Crowley/Vil/Rook/Malleus/Idia x gn!reader

Requested by @stygianoir

A/N: my tag list is still packed so hopefully you guys find this 😂

CW:sus gardener Rook, discussions of Idia's depression and fear of death, but I think that's it

Part Two. Part Three

Most well dressed parent at the PTA meeting. Puts everyone to shame, and makes all the other parents and teachers jealous.

Cooks five star meals exclusively , and makes sure you get your proper intake of nutrients. He can't have his favorite pup lacking in proper nutrition!

One hundred percent coordinates your outfits for you everyday. You're the best dressed worker, all because your husband hand sews you outfits designed to blow the competition out of the water.

Pretends he's not snuggly, until nighttime, then he gets pouty. He'll be aggressively folding laundry, and not speaking to you until you come to bed and let him hold you.

You own twelve dogs. Each dog has an individual diet it is on, that is hand made by him everyday. He knows exactly what every dog needs, and makes sure to memorize what each dog needs.

If you want kids, you will adopt/birth at least three. He likes a full house. Majored in alchemy before he settled down as your househusband, and is more than happy to tutor not just your kids, but also their friends, in alchemy.

Sings like Roger from 101 dalmatians because I said so. Also he plays the piano like him. Because I said so. I'm weak okay!

They say he had an illustrious career as a model, then he met you. That's only half true though. He was planning on retiring anyway, and just happened to meet you around that time. He likes to let the tabloids believe it was all your fault. It makes him laugh. Vil Schoenheit bows to no one! Now drink your smoothie!

Healthy meals constantly. He somehow managed to make them all taste good though. It's a little suspicious honestly…what does he put in that smoothie? You never liked smoothies for breakfast before…

He likes to do your nightly routine for you. It's his love language. At 7 pm sharp, he clears his throat, and gestures for you to sit down. Then he brushes out your hair, does your skin care routine, dresses you in pajamas, and tucks you in, making sure to give you a kiss on the forehead before he joins you.

If you aren't home in time for your nightly routine, he goes to bed early, turned away from your side of the bed. He will not speak to you, even though you know full well he is awake. He knows deep down it's not your fault, but he has simmering rage and no one else to take it out on.

That said, when you do fight (which you do a lot) he'll storm out before he can be particularly nasty. But you'll wake up to a single rose on the pillow next to you, and a new pair of shoes to wear to work.

You have one fluffy white cat, or one child. It's one or the other in Vil's pristine house. This isn't a barn, for seven's sake.

Cooks, cleans, gardens…. he's made for this life. You don't even know where he gets the time for it.

Rook prides himself on having the best garden in the neighborhood. Your neighbors asked him what fertilizer he used, and he wrapped an arm around you and giggled about how it was "the most organic around". Considering the last time you had to do laundry there were red stains on his clothes, you choose not to ask questions.

If you have kids, there are three of them, each two years apart. He makes the perfect paper bag lunches for them everyday, with little french notes in them (raising bilingual kids in this family). As he drops them off at school he kisses each one on the top of the head, and jovially waves them off.

You have two dogs that he takes hunting with him on his solo weekends (they aren't often, because he can barely stand to part from you!) But you also have a rabbit. He gave it your name, and likes to tease you by saying how he "caught his lapin" and never saying whether he's referring to you or the rabbit.

Another one who makes sure you look your best at work. But his favorite thing is when you forget your lunch, and he "has" to bring it to work for you. This is when he is at his most dressed up, and your outfits compliment eachother the most. He loves the gazes of envy that come his way as he kisses you and hands you your lunch.

When he's not doing chores at break neck speed, he wants you to either be in his arms, or him in yours. He doesn't care which! Please, his poor heart needs you!

Trust fund baby. Born rich, then married you. Tried to convince you not to work, but you wanted to, for whatever reason, so he "allows" it. (Who is he kidding? He could never deny you anything, what a simp) he sulks all day though, moping like a lovesick teen until you come home. Heaven forbid you forget something and have to come back in before you actually left, because he has your boss on speed dial, and will call you in sick. Oh, you just left your wallet? Too late, he assumed you had fallen ill and had chosen to stay home with him!

He's a little clueless on cooking and household chores (Lilia is no help) but he tries! Boy does he try! And it's not half bad. Not stellar, but not bad. You've only gotten food poisoning once, and he's only ever burnt a hole in two of your shirts with an iron.

Loves to serenade you with his violin on special occasions. You know the evening is going to be wonderful when he pulls it out. Oftentimes, it's a song he wrote for you, and sometimes he even sings along. His deep timbre will often have you so relaxed that you start to drift off. He's fine with that! More time to cuddle!

Speaking of, he starts the night out by laying on his side of the bed, and by the end of the night he is wrapped around you like a koala. He also gets very hot at night. You often don't need a blanket. You asked him about it once, and he said something about "draconic internal temperature regulation", whatever the fuck that means.

You had to put him on a budget because he buys you every shiny thing he sees. He always goes over budget, and always insists it's the last time and it will never happen again. This, friends, is what we call a lie.

He's only a househusband in name, really. He still has an income/job in the form of streaming and YouTube videos. But he stays at home, and likes it when you call him your househusband. He gets all blushy and smiley. He likes the idea of being the one you look forward to coming home to.

Ortho lives with you both, obviously. And he does all the cooking and cleaning. But he and Idia have an unspoken agreement that if you ask, he helped too.

Calls you at work at least once a day. It's always during your lunch break though, so that you can "eat lunch together" You know his mental health difficulties are acting up if he calls you more than once though.You don't have to come home, he'll be alright, he just needs to hear your voice.

His stream only knows you as player 2. When you get back from work, he'll say "Oh player 2 just got home!" And get so excited. He'll run off stream to give you a kiss, and won't come back until you remind him he's streaming. His followers have been there through the whole progression of your relationship, and despite not knowing what you look like, and only hearing your voice off screen every once in a while, they adore Gloomy Samurai and Player 2.

You always have two cats at a time, usually the ones at the shelter or humane society that are bonded or siblings. He doesn't want to separate a family, and also gets nervous about the inevitability of death. So you always have two cats. That way if something happens you always have one.

Yes. You get him to start telehealth therapy, and medication. Why do you ask?

He tries, bless his heart. His cooking is not bad, but his cleaning skills are subpar. To be honest, he's not cut out for the househusband life, but you've heard horror stories about how he handled his previous jobs. So for the sake of the world, you do your best to ensure he stays here.

"He's so generous" 🙄 Any time he goes a little bit above what you expected from him, he drops that line. A particularly good dessert? How generous. He actually folded laundry today? So magnanimous. But it hurts his pride if you don't agree, and you married him for some reason, right?

He has an allowance, and usually spends all of it. Sometimes it's gifts for you, but a lot of times it's for him. Which, it's his allowance, so that's fine. But he buys the weirdest stuff and doesn't use it. It just sits around your home.

If you have to work on something on the home computer, good luck to you. Home is for loving him, not working! He'll slip into your lap, give you a sexy pout, and start caressing your cheek, and tracing shapes into your neck. Then he'll start talking about how you're neglecting him, just put the work away and come cuddle with him.

Where he shines though, is if you guys end up with kids. He's a surprisingly good father, making sure they all are clean, safe, and well fed. He helps with homework, and is surprisingly good at it, he's good at seeing what their needs are, he knows immediately when one of the kids is sick, and is at the doctor right away… you don't know where these skills came from. But the second the kids are in bed, he's back to being your needy husband.

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simpjaes · 11 months ago

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pizza delivery guy!jake delivering reader an extra large sausage pizza 🤗

i hate how funny this is but also

pizza delivery guy jake:

tags: implied sex (not rly super detailed), reader is assumed to be vegetarian lol

Jake looks forward to his saturday night shifts for a lot of reasons, but none as good as you. The girl who orders for her group of friends at eleven at night on the dot, always two veggie pizzas, and always with a big tip.

You were a regular, of course, who he would jump to deliver to solely to see a room full of pretty girls batting their lashes at him despite his minimum wage status.

It got to the point even, that you'd request for him to deliver your food each time you order. Each tip got bigger, bigger, and bigger, up until Jake pulls up with your measly two veggie pizzas in a new car. With a new jacket, and a pretty smile.

What the pretty deliver driver didn't know? The fact that your friends hype you to try and get his number every single time he delivers.

The fact that sometimes you guys get a bit rowdy and tipsy, and go as far as making jokes about corny porno scenarios where he comes in with a large sausage for you, and oh no! you don't have money to pay! what ever shall you do?

It would stay as a funny little joke if it wasn't for the four plus hours of your friends hyping you. Saying, "come on, you never order a sausage pizza, he'll definitely pick up the hint. And if he rejects you, just play it off like a joke!"

You did. You did order that sausage pizza and, well, Jake did pick up the hint.

Driving to your house in silence, wondering why you suddenly added a winky emoji after his name in the delivery requests. Wondering why you suddenly ordered a pizza with an ingredient that resembles a dick. Wondering why he pulls up and you're alone when you answer the door in a scantily clad outfit and a shy smile on your face.

He's stunned to look at you tonight, to be honest, as he dips his head into your doorway with a confused face.

"Where are your friends?" He asks casually, leaning back and attempting to push your pizza forward and into your hands.

You shrug, pretending that they're not just around the corner listening.

"No one showed up tonight, I'm lonely." You play off the scenarios in your head, entirely because you really could just play it off like a joke.

"O- oh." Jake tries to smile at you, letting the puzzle pieces click together in his head. He really thinks you're implying right now. "I, um, I get off work at midnight, you know. If you're bored."

"Wait, really?" You ask, shocked that he doesn't appear to find this corny at all, but understanding far more as to why he offered when you note his eyes staring straight at the sheer pajama top you're wearing....with no bra.

"Um, yeah...if you want." He asks for your confirmation. "I could probably get off early too, it's slowed down a lot."

You smile, nodding to him as you take the single large sausage pizza.

"Okay then..." You say, kind of awkward and shy because you seriously can't believe that worked. "I'll see you in an hour then?"

He nods with a smile, clasping both hands in front of himself as if to hide the semi-hard on in his pants that you definitely notice.

And then he's gone, and you're standing there with a sausage pizza, a shocked face, and three girls rushing to giggle beside you.

♡♡♡♡

Naturally, and against the will of your friends, you have them pack up and leave the typical girl's night with a very sober uber as you sit in wait for midnight to strike.

And when it does? Jake shows up much as he said he would, in a plain t-shirt rather than his uniform, with a curious look in his eye because it does feel weird that he's here without a pizza exchange.

"So..." He says, rubbing the tip of his shoe into the frame of your door.

"So," You echo him, leaning against the frame yourself as you look at him.

"How lonely are you tonight?" He boldly asks.

You stay silent as you back up and flick your head to invite him in, still in your scantily clad pajamas with no underwear on.

"Lonely enough to order a fucking sausage pizza to get your attention?" You laugh, pointing to the uneaten pizza.

He lends you a laugh at that, which is a very nice sound.

"Was the sausage thing for real?" He finally asks when he sits on your couch with you.

"What do you mean?" You try to avoid the question, feeling dumb for even going this route to do this.

"Like, are you asking me to fuck you or do you actually just want to hang out?"

Well.

"Oh, um," You look away from him with a smile. "Could we not work it out to have both?"

Jake nods with a smirk, hand immediately landing against the button of his jeans as he looks at you.

"I think we can manage that."

And well, you do. Both of you do manage that.

You recall the events to your friends the next day, over how good he worked his tongue between your legs, over how good you worked your tongue on him.

They stopped listening around the time when you described the way you rode him right here, in the very spot on the couch they're sitting.

But their ears perked up a bit more at the description of how big his cock was, and how good it felt to have it split you open. Even better when he filled you up time and time again, until about four in the morning when he finally went home.

The best part about this? You don't even have to order a pizza to look at him next time. All you needed to do was snap a titty pic and Jake was risking his job to rush into your house just to fuck you up and against the little table in your entry way.

It's fun really, giving your little pizza delivery hook-up a quickie before his next delivery that will definitely come a bit later than it's supposed to.

#harthots #jake smut #enhypen smut #ask #anon #.jake

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banggyu0308 · 1 year ago

Text

genre: internet strangers to lovers, idol au, smut

warnings: nsfw under the cut, not very coherent, slutty yeonjun, dom!yeonjun, sexting, choking kink, pet names (baby), praise, drinking (they don't get THAT drunk, alright guys?), one night stand-ish, degradation, unprotected sex, breeding kink, handholding, cursing, dacryphilia, yeonjun lurks on social media TT, reader is bold ASF, not proofread

wc: 2.5k+

an: tysm for the username help @itgirlgyu TT + this is just for the delulus + @beomsl MEL YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE TALKED ABT PART OF THIS???? + i might title this later but who knows!!

taglist: @full-sunnies , @agustdiv1ne

yeonjun who likes to wear his tank tops to show off, loves heading onto moa twitter and tumblr after lives just to see the fandom having a meltdown... especially hard stan social media, watching all the comments and photos of himself show up. he likes being in control like this, having the power to make everyone else go crazy just by wearing something else that day.

he scrolls and scrolls and one specific post pops up, it's community labeled and when he clicks 'keep reading', he can see why; pretty tits on display from the original poster, comments in the tags all about how she's all his, and he's not very surprised to feel himself growing hard in his pants. yeonjun eyes the username, ready to click the blue-fonted 'follow' button, but it's already gone, and his eyes widen to see that it's an account he's been following and interacting with for a while. that fact only makes it better, and he's clicking to his chat with you before he can even think it through what he's about to do.

yawnchoi you look really pretty in that new post...

yn what can i say? yeonjun brings out a special part of me 😭

yawnchoi im very sure he feels the exact same

yn in my dreams 😭 don't fuel my deluluness

yawnchoi i'm being very serious right now

yn mhm mhm sureeee and how would YOU know? 😑

yawnchoi ajksdbwsjdhbw maybe this wasn't a good idea

yn WHAT wasn't a good idea, hm? 🤨

yawnchoi baby all i'm trying to do is figure out how to word that i'm yeonjun 😭

yn i do not believe you for one moment

yawnchoi i'll send a pic that i would never, ever post and you can even reverse image search it or whatever or i could send a video, im not messing around baby

yn go ahead then ;-;

yawnchoi [sent a photo]

yn alright so yeonjun would definitely never post a photo of him in his boxers in bed so imma need that video 🙏

yawnchoi [sent a video]

yn oh. oh holy shit choi yeonjun has seen my tits- NOT ONLY HAS HE SEEN MY TITS HE LIKES THEM- one sec imma need to process haha im totally not hyperventilating haha

yn alright im back hi haha

yawnchoi helloooo 👋

yn wow. alright. so. uh. how do i ask this- you wanna see more tit pics?

yawnchoi THAT WAS SO BOLD HELP ME- but yes pleaseeee

yn [sent a photo]

yawnchoi oh baby- holy shit you're so pretty 🥺

yn thanks jjunie kwsnbdwjkd im still like- going crazy rn yawnchoi thats cute baby :((

yn wjhbswhjdhj so- since you've seen my tits i wanna see you again :(( preferably your dick but haha

yawnchoi yeah? pretty baby wants to see my dick?

yn kjwbshwjdbhe yes please?

yawnchoi asking so nicely... alright baby~ [sent a photo]

yn oh 😳 oh fuck alright sjbdsewjh wanna touch :((

yawnchoi me or yourself, baby?

yn well, both, but only one can happen, right? so me-

yawnchoi go ahead, can i see? yn alright 😳 [sent a video]

yawnchoi baby's so pretty :(( wanna see you cum for me <3

yn [sent a video] would be better if you were here :( want you to touch me so bad wjbwjhdbe

yawnchoi can fly you into korea if you want...

yn YOU'RE KISSING *KIDDING

yawnchoi i'm notttttttt dekjbdekj pretty cunt's got me all horny :((

yn i don't even care if it's a one night stand choi fucking yeonjun's gonna fly me out to korea to fuck me heck yeah

---------------------------------

and he does. books a flight last minute for the next day, from your country to seoul, puts on a pair of sunglasses and his least conspicuous outfit, and drives to the airport. he isn't THAT nervous- it's not like he thinks you're gonna murder him.

and when you walk out of the airport building with nothing but a backpack with you, looking around and waving slightly when you see him, his heart quickens just a little. (and NOT just because he's seen you naked).

you decide to sit in the back of his car for no reason other than you want to, and maybe a little bit because you can't exactly handle looking at him straight on quite yet.

to your surprise, there's no awkward small talk, just him getting straight to the point and saying all the members are out of the dorm currently, but, ever the gentleman, he says since you flew a long way, you can sleep a little bit first and he won't bother you.

your whole body is on alert and you find yourself thinking that there's no way you'd be able to sleep now. it's one thing to sext someone knowing they're an idol- another to actually be in the car with them, on your way to where they live, and knowing you're going to actually fuck them.

yeonjun politely takes your bag when you get out of the car, and when his fingers wrap around the strap, his hand brushes yours slightly. you internally feel like you might faint- you hadn't actually prepared yourself for this, and now he was touching you and he feels real and you knew he was real but now it just feels extra.

holding your bag, he opens the door to the dorm, leading you in before following, taking you into his room and placing your bag down on the floor next to his bed. every single action that takes him closer to you makes your face grow hot, the bed dipping slightly under your weight when you sit down. the sheets are soft, but your mind barely registers it, focusing instead on the fact that you are in yeonjun's bed.

he opens his mouth to say something, and you panic, cutting him off quickly with a wry grin and a statement. "i might need some alcohol in my system before we do anything else."

yeonjun raises his eyebrows in the slightest, a little surprised, but he also gets it. he's pretty sure both his body and his mind want you way too much right now, but he's so nervous he might not do anything. his hands are twisted in his lap and he quickly realizes and sits on them instead before standing.

he leads you to the kitchen, getting himself a can of beer and letting you pour yourself a couple shots of vodka. you know your limits- it's just enough for you to get a little tipsy and stop overthinking everything.

knocking one back, you enjoy the burn in your throat before taking the second. the slight buzz under your skin makes you smile slightly, leaning against the counter while he takes long sips of his own drink. it's obvious he wants this to pick up, so you busy yourself messing with his shirt just a little while he drinks. you slip your fingers under his sleeve, mindlessly rubbing your fingertips back and forth over his skin. you can tell he remembered your comments the previous day about his arms, basing his outfit around that.

he has another tank top on today, arms flexing when he brings the can to his lips to take another sip, and you move your hands a little farther down to rest on his chest. this time, when he lowers the can, his lips are a little wet from the drink and you can't help but press a messy kiss to them, licking the liquid off. yeonjun lets out a slight hiss when your tongues meet, left hand reaching behind him to place the can on the counter.

the alcohol must really be working already because you're both stumbling to his room, messily tugging each other's clothes off, and yeonjun leaves a line of wet hickeys up your neck. each and every touch of his skin on yours makes you feel fire burn a trail across your body, but it's in a way that makes you almost absolutely sure that it's not just because he's one of your celebrity crushes, or because you're a little drunk.

yeonjun's movements are so rushed that in seconds he's on top of you, his own shirt off, pants quick to follow once you tug at them. your hands find way to his newly-lightened hair when his lips and tongue meet yours again, a different kind of intoxication weaving itself up and over each of your limbs, the kind of intoxication that makes you want to live and breathe this man.

"want you," he whispers, cheeks pink from the alcohol, his eyes slightly glazed when he looks into yours, and the way he says it makes your cheeks grow hot again.

"go ahead then, 'm all yours," you exhale in response, trying to ignore the way your heart twinges at your own words. this is just a one time thing, you have to remind yourself.

but yeonjun's eyes light up and he presses another kiss to your lower lip, one hand moving between your legs to part them. his eyes lower to your cunt, and you can feel the way your underwear are sticking to your pussy. you'd chosen to wear white underwear today and you're pretty sure they're see-through by now, drenched completely from all the feelings yeonjun's touch is sending through you.

"all mine?" yeonjun mumbles, eyes wide. and when you nod, he smirks slightly. "love your cunt so much, i might just take you right now." your own eyes widen and yeonjun can feel your breath hitch. "but you'd like that, wouldn't you? pretty slut would love her jjunie taking her raw, would love to have me cum inside..."

you suck in a breath through your teeth at his words, nodding quickly, spread out on the bed beneath him. your mouth tastes like alcohol and yeonjun, and your brain tries to forget how he so flippantly called himself your jjunie.

"jjun, just, just fuck me, please?" you whimper out when he rubs a fingertip over your clothed cunt.

"baby asked so nicely, might as well give her what she wants," he coos, tugging off his boxers only once he slides your underwear down your legs. "promise you'll let me taste you next time?"

you nod, too distracted by the fact that he's already planning a 'next time' in his head to realize that he wants to eat you out, but by the time you understand, he has the tip of his cock pressed to your entrance, other hand holding yours as he slowly pushes in. the gesture feels sweet, romantic even, and you let your eyes fall shut when he pauses his movements.

yeonjun's body is pressed flush to yours in a way that allows him to brush his fingers over your neck, skin smooth against you. his hand wraps loosely around your neck and his breath is hot on your cheek when he whispers, "is this okay?"

you nod once more, only because the combination of the alcohol and his body on you is making your brain so fuzzy you can't think clear enough to speak. yeonjun hums lightly and experiments with his grip, making you gasp a little when he also hits your g-spot. he lets out a hiss when your already-tight walls tighten further around him.

he'd had a feeling that you'd feel like heaven around him, just because of the fact you had stated you were only able to fit two fingers inside yourself, but he had obviously underestimated all the sensations that were going to overwhelm him like they are now. every movement of his hips towards yours makes him fight to control the tremble of his body. your hand is linked with the one he doesn't have around your neck and every time he buries himself completely inside you, your hand tightens just a little around his.

he's losing himself just a little, hand still laced with yours, pace quickening until jolty, broken, high pitched moans are the only sound leaving you. yeonjun can't help but smirk at that, hoisting one leg over his shoulder. "fucking pussy is so perfect, almost like it's made for me, taking me so well... might just keep you here, my personal little cumslut, could bring you on tour with us, fuck you every night in the hotel room, how'd you like that, hm?"

his rhythm is so brutal you're choking on your words by now, broken sobs slipping through your parted lips, tears filling your waterline and then slipping down your cheeks, mixing with the slight mascara you'd put on this morning and making your face a mess. yeonjun likes it too, the way he's so easily able to get you like this, just a few words from his lips and you're crying.

he can't help but tell you this with a mocking pout on his lips that turns into yet another smirk, chuckling when all you can do is whimper incoherently. yeonjun kisses you gentle enough to make up for his harsh words though, he's only trying to make you feel good, and he knows you like it when he talks down to you.

one hand still around your neck, the other moves from your hand to your waist, and he's only fucking into you harder when you whine out that you're close. his lips catch yours again when you gasp out his name, gummy walls fluttering around his dick as your whole body shakes from the force of your orgasm, yeonjun's fingertip rubbing at your clit making you convulse under him.

yeonjun bites back a little moan and lowers his lips to your ear again. "can i cum in you, baby? let me make you mine?"

you can't tell if he's just saying it in the heat of the moment, but you nod, wanting nothing more than to feel him inside you.

he bites his lip slightly, only losing control completely when you lick up the side of his neck and bite a splotchy hickey onto his neck. his warm cum fills you as he mumbles out a string of curses mixed with your name against your neck.

yeonjun practically collapses on you once he pulls out but lets himself take a second to marvel at how pretty you look right now, mascara leaking down your cheeks and neck, his cum and yours leaking from your swollen, abused cunt.

you let him wrap his arms around your form, cheek against his chest, both your bodies hot and sweaty, his bangs plastered to his forehead. there's a question on the tip of your tongue but he answers it for you, mumbling in your ear, "will you stay? for longer than just today?" yeonjun pauses slightly, then continues. "i'm not sure if i want you to be just one time. i know that this part of our relationship is new but we've been talking for so long and yeah, i don't want you to go back home and for this never to happen again."

you purse your lips, alcohol fogging up your brain and making you a little too sleepy to respond. "we'll talk tomorrow, hm? it's late and i had a long flight and i'm tired, jjunie..."

he nods slightly, running a hand through his hair, and presses a kiss to your forehead. "goodnight, yn."

"night night, yeonjun," you exhale.

you're almost half asleep when you hear him whisper, "the others'll be home soon, if they see us like this, i'm blaming you..."

#ada speaks :)#adas hard hours #txt hard hours #txt hard thoughts #txt smut #yeonjun smut #yeonjun hard thoughts #yeonjun hard hours #yeonjun fic #txt fic #txt x reader #yeonjun x reader #this yeonjun reminds me of yeonjun in one of my fics and i LOVE it #may add this to the list of things to write part 2's too #not my fav endings but i had to #its IMPORTANT

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icarusredwings · 3 months ago

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i *live* for your agere wade omg 😢🙏🏻 i also age regress there's just something about your favorite character being like you that makes me smile :) your writing is absolutely wonderful as well!! :3

Hi hon, Im so proud of you for doing what's good for you, and I am so happy that you've found something to enjoy that makes you feel good about yourself.

Thank you so much for the support. I've seen more people mention how excited they were to find cute, mild, and nonnsexual regressions for Wade, so I've decided to put it on A03 for more people to enjoy.

I actually was nervous about posting them in general because of the stigma around it but seeing how supportive you all have been (I dont know why im even shocked) it's made me a little more confident in my writing. I was abused quite a bit as a child, and while I don't regress, I do have a special attachment to my stuffed animals and find comfort in kids' shows. Annnddd, as someone who was working towards becoming a geneticist? It's comforting to know that some very intelligent and successful people also do.

While you're waiting for me to write more or upload to A03, have some HCs:

Depending on what's going on, he fluctuates between 5-8.

Wade has 3 caregivers, Al, Vanessa, and Logan. He loves them all so much but certian care givers are for certain things. Al (Mama) is he goes too for booboos, Ness (Mommy) is who takes him out the most, to the park and doctors (If things get too out of hand, she can pull the "He's my disabled son you bastard" card, and Logan (Kitty) is general. The one youll find when wade is casually colouring or playing tea party with.

He'll take "sippies" but hes a bit too old for them because he chews the tops off.

Cereal, mac and cheese, pizza, bassically anything he already eats as an adult, including spicy tacos.

He doesn't have a lot of toys (and if he does, they're from a give away or a dumpster) so is very possesive of them and will instantly get upset if you try to take them away or "hurt" them.

Wade is the type to just chill with you on the couch and eat snacks if you don't have the energy to play or take him to the park. Even as a child, he was very emotionally intelligent, and it shows.

Most kids would have tantrums, but he seems to either be understanding or go cry in silence while isolated (its what hes used too)

As much as people say he's a potty mouth, I don't see it. Not yet anyway. Sure he'll say "bad words" sometimes but as someone whos used to being screamed at to shut up all the time, I believe he talks so much as an adult BECAUSE he wasn't allowed as a kid so he's more of an observer unless you are unfortunately his favorite and then hes going to tell you random facts.

Oftentimes, the "perfect child" are ones that are independent, quiet, and who monitor their emotions/ actions around other kids and adults. This means being forced to act older than you actually are, walking on eggshells around adults and trying to do things by himself.

He likes to wear clothes that are too big for him rather then tight. (Bonus points if they're a hoodie or a sweater)

He likes baths and sometimes will tell you that his "Skin hurts" when really it's just itchy/peeling/ needs lotion.

He's not big on babytalk but "puppy" "mama" "mommy" "park?" "Kitty scratch bad guys" "I watch tv?" "Go home?" "Play horses?" Are common. Its either small unfinished sentneces or endless rambling with full sentences that repeat themself. Logan has once heard "Did you know-?" 30 times once all in 10 minutes

He has a stuffy of a Wolverine named Fluffy from Kitty, a unicorn named Buttercream from Mommy, and a bear shaped dog toy from Mama. In her defense she didn't know it was a dog toy (because shes blind and cant read duh) but Wade loves it more that it squeaks.

Because kidWade (He is "NOT little", he's a "Big boy") is bigger than them, he has issues playing a little... rough... with other kids. He has infact shoved a kid into the sand while playing tag.

Wade is very erm... possesive.. over his caregivers and will act out if he believes Kitty is ignoring him. Because of their history, hes even more prone to acting out with Ness and has gone as far as telling someone they looked like a burnt quesodilla that "had a baby with a wrinkled cucumber" before (and will do it again)

Flappy hands. Giggles. Screeches. That is all that needs to be said.

Wade likes music, arts, and crafts. Physical exercise is nice too but naps are needed afterwards.

Naps must be willing. If you tell him to go take a nap he'll just stomp his feet and cry that hes "being good" so "doesn't need one" bassically, naps are punishment.

Tw for sensitive topics such as mental and physical health

The worst part about having Wade isn't that he is a "brat" or "bad", no infact wade barley ever is a brat. He's very people pleasing because he just wants as much affection as possible. it's the fact that you can't trick him or keep him from doing something. He's too smart.

"Come on baby, we're going to the park"

"Yay!!- wait.... Mommy... Mommy the park is that way...Mommy this is how you go to the mean doctors! They're gonna rip my teeth out!"

It's even HARDER to care for a kid who can escape literally anything and can run all the way home if you upset him too badly. The only thing really you can do is call a different cg and double up on the reassurance. (And maybe a bribe)

Another thing is that just because he's in this headspace doesn't mean his issues are gone. Between the nightmares, the flashbacks, the scary hallucinations that he can't understand, intrusive thoughts about harming a person, impusive thoughts, and just straight up having to deal with cancer on top of it all, etc.

Do you know how hard it is to explain to a child that they're nauseous and exhausted because the cells inside of him are eating the other cells, dying, and healing all at the same time?

#sfw agere #sfw interaction only #“He dosnt quite get it but hes got the spirit” Caregiver Logan Howlett #kidwade #wadewilson #logan howlett #blind al #mary puppins #vanessa carlysle #deadpool and wolverine #poolverine #deadpool #deadpool 3 #wade wilson #agere headcanons #deadpool headcanons

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agentjazzy · 1 year ago

Text

The Evil Dead Dashboard Simulator

🧍‍♂️ groovyhousewares Follow

YES I got my girlfriend a pretty pretty necklace from a gumball machine and when she sees it she's going to give me so so many kisses :)

(411 Notes)

🐟 fishwantmemenwanttokillme Follow

man, fuck tourists, I was heading to my spot when a car came up and honked at us, all friendly like, so me and buddy waved bc there wasn't anyone else there, but then they YELLED at us???? we were just walking?? wtf did we even DO

#i hope the bridge collapses i hope they all DIE #vent

(4,079 Notes)

🎲 kingofstupidbitches Follow

unethical life pro tip: if you overhear your professor talking about their family cabin that they have, and they have open office hours posted, it's your RIGHT to go check that shit out

they're not gonna be there!! they have papers to grade and other shit to deal with!!! free cabin!!!

🌋 thehillsalsohaveanniceass 📛 Follow

op what are you going to do when you roll up and they're just sitting there

🎲 kingofstupidbitches Follow

lmao his ass is NOT going to be in that cabin 😂 he just got back from a vacation with his family or something (dipshit couldn't wait until break) he's supposed to be at his office and he does NOT have the vacation days to be leaving so soon

(151 Notes)

🌹 pressedflowerpetals Follow

fml my older brother asked if I wanted to tag along on a trip to a cabin and I said sure bc it beats staying at home w/ dad

BUT IT'S A COUPLE TRIP

HE'S BRINGING HIS COWORKER/GIRLFRIEND THAT HE DOESN'T SHUT UP ABOUT, HIS FRIEND IS BRINGING HIS GIRLFRIEND, WHYYYY DID THEY INVITE ME

#if i knew i would've said no 😭 #he didn't even invite his Actual best friend #which SUCKS bc then we could've fooled around when no one was paying attention #huh who said that 😳 #cheryl posting

(4 Notes)

📜 anthroapologist 🦀 Follow

haters will hear you scurrying underneath the bowels of your home and freak out like HELLO where else am I supposed to scurry????

(1,288 Notes)

🔮 shessellingseashells Follow

you ever feel like people Immediately forget your name upon meeting you :(

#i might be too high but i don't think any of these people know my full name #i mean I'm Definitely high #and tried moonshine for the first time #but like. really feeling like an outsider rn

(0 Notes)

🎲 kingofstupidbitches Follow

it's so hard being the only chad amongst nerds, like, I GET IT, you're too much of a pussy to investigate the creepy fucking cellar, the LEAST you can do is let me listen to the tapes I found down there, they're cool as fuck

🎲 kingofstupidbitches Follow

okay and now they're all yelling at me bc a stupid tree broke a window right when the tape got good 😑

🎲 kingofstupidbitches Follow

fuck it, here's a recording of the tape, I hope none of you guys are cowards like all my friends apparently are, have fun bc I can't

(206,089 Notes)

💀 theevilacrosstheland Follow

when someone plays your song you can feel that shit in your SOUL catch me coming towards you at 15mph awoken from my eternal slumber if I hear that first note fr

(6,282 Notes)

🔍 peachycraftsection Follow

my boyfriend spent $14 in quarters attempting to get a magnifying glass necklace from one of those gumball machine toy capsules at work bc he knows I LOVE mysteries and detective stories and I need to [redacted] him in the [redacted] right NOW 💖💖💖

(432 Notes)

🌹 pressedflowerpetals Follow

everyone's making out rn which is REAL inconvenient bc there is Absolutely Something Outside

🌹 pressedflowerpetals Follow

should I check it out

🌹 pressedflowerpetals Follow

there's no one online to tell me no so.....

📝 charcoalfingertips Follow

op you haven't posted in an hour are you okay???

🌹 pressedflowerpetals Follow

I'm Irrevocably Changed Now 👍

(104 Notes)

🌹 deadite420 Follow

I'm just a silly goofy guy if I happened to have killed and maimed and bite and stab that's just who I am and how I show love ^_^

(5,724 Notes)

🔮 deadite68 Follow

coyotes are SO right, if youre trapped somewhere or someone grabs ya, just bite your limb off, no hesitation, show superiority, it's not like THEY'RE gonna do it

(2,051 Notes)

🧍‍♂️ groovyhousewares Follow

whhy is there so muchh blood everywhere........

#help #i accidentally kept my mouthh open and blood got in it :((((( #my head hurts sso bad bookcases kept falling on me

(5 Notes)

🔩 deadite883 Follow

heehee i love crawling through pipes and electrical outlets

(207 Notes)

🎶 8tracksarebetterthancassettes Follow

I logged onto Tumblr and wtf why am I following so many people with deadite in their username? is it a reference? did I miss a meme? are we mishapocolypse-ing again?

🌿 dirtissoyummy Follow

I think it might be a virus transmitted by bots but idk I'm too scared to interact

🤡 thespareshemp Follow

okay I investigated to see if it was a bot swarm or people having fun SO

for the first cluster of blogs, all their IPs are logging from the same location, which usually means a lazy bot swarm BUT I went through all their archives and most of them, before changing urls, interacted with one another naturally and stuff, @-ing one another and junk, and they seem to know each other irl

so it's just friends having fun!! and then people joining in on the fun!! feel free to reblog without fear!

#they're all still posting original content so that's kinda a giveaway #even though it's all 'deadite'fied and all #i wonder if theyre doing an arg thing

(1,004 Notes)

🔍 deadite81 Follow

when men are SOAKED with blood 👌😍🥰😘💖🥰🥰💖😍👌😘😘😘💖💖😍

(20,983 Notes)

🤡 deadite6091 Follow

JOIN US JOIN US JOIN US JOIN US JOHN US JOIN US JOIN US JOIN US JOIN US JOIN US

🛏 honkshoomimi Follow

🤡 deadite6091 Follow

You Will Be Dead By Dawn

(5,732 Notes)

🐟 fishwantmemenwanttokillme Follow

🥐 evilpillsburydoughboy Follow

hey you live near the state line right? can you check the news real quick

🐟 fishwantmemenwanttokillme Follow

uhhhhhhhhh

🐟 fishwantmemenwanttokillme Follow

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE BRIDGE IS GONE

🐟 fishwantmemenwanttokillme Follow

fml if any of you need me i'm going to lay down in the cold and let the forest take me

(4,079 Notes)

🛏 deadite7390 Follow

if you were to break me down to my pure essence you would be left with pure, unfiltered evil

also grits

mmmmmm grits

(2,561 Notes)

🎥 deadite3023 Follow

falling down the stairs is the most efficient way to go down them :)

(941 Notes)

🎲 deadite69 Follow

y'all ever open the window and AUGH OUGH UGH UGH UGH AAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA THE AGONIES and then you adjust to the sunlight and you're fine

(8,091 Notes)

🧍‍♂️ groovyhousewares Follow

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE HELP ME

(3 Notes)

#I MAY HAVE GOTTEN CARRIED AWAY #long post #unreality #tumblr simulator #dashboard simulation #ash williams #cheryl williams #scotty evil dead #linda evil dead #the evil dead #evil dead #jazzy keeps blogging til the blog ends

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slut4msby · 11 months ago

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Happy New Year? Miya Atsumu x Fem!Reader

+ tags & warnings; suggestive content, heavily implied smut, atsumu and reader did the deed :0??, borderline fuckboy!atsumu [i have a soft spot for fuckboy!atsumu], not proofread, implied ex bf but no one is specified other than being a vb player so use ur imagination qts :3

+ a/n; hey guys! i'm lea :3. this is my first fic on tumblr in YEARS i used to have an account long long long ago that like NO ONE would know so this is my welcome back ig ;p have some fuckboy!atsumu tehheeheh [i want fuckboy!atsumu so bad or maybe i just have issues teheheh]. also its dec 31 when i post this so HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! stay safe and take care x

Waking up on your own has become a tradition on New Year's Day. For the past three years, a very lonely past three years. Ever since your partner had broken up with you.

This year was no different, waking up in an empty bed - but not your bed? The realisation left you in confusion. Your eyes darted around the room, cologne, dirty clothes, sports trophies and empty water bottles filled the room. How classy. You sat up against the headboard, head pounding from the alcohol that had consumed your body the night before. Despite its uncleanliness it was a nice room at its core. The problem is, you don't know when you got here or how you got here. Matter of fact if you were even still in the country.

“Hey Doll.” A shirtless figure called from the doorway, a towel wrapped around his waist, his V-line on full display. He was fit, no one could deny that. His blonde hair messy from his shower, his body littered with hickies and scratches - your hickies and scratches. “You really did a number on me huh?” He let out a soft chuckle.

You tried to respond but your body was still in a state of shock from the man you had managed to catch.

“You alright princess? You seemed to be a lot louder and confident last night.” He teased, walking towards you taking a seat on his bed. “You know, you look good in my shirt.” He adds on in reference to the oversized t-shirt which accompanied your body. He shuffled closer to you, he planted another kiss on your neck over one of the many purple marks he had given you last night, “could get used to having you around.”

“Me?” You question, he only nods in response.

He grabs your face in his hand. You couldn’t deny his hands were nice, they were big and he obviously knew how to use them. He moved you to look at him, forcing tension. You couldn’t lie from what you could remember is that he was good. He pulled you closer and closer, looking at your lips and then your eyes. “Can I?” He asks.

“Can you?” You respond giving him your infamous ‘fuck-me eyes’.

“Oh doll, we both know we can.” He mutters against your lips, before pulling you in for a kiss which you very happily accept.

That’s when the memories come back, you could never forget a kiss like that. You remember Kuroo forcing you to a party and meeting him, Atsumu Miya.

“C’moonnnnnnnn n/n-chan it will be fun.” Kuroo begged.

“Tetsu, I don’t know I am happy alone.”

“You’re so boring now n/n-chan.” He pouts. He knows that sentence will rile you up. “You used to be the life of the party y/n.”

“Used to? Oh baby I still am.”

“Then come to the party n/n.”

“Fine.”

You remember walking in and being greeted by Bokuto who you hadn't seen in years. Completely ditching the volleyball scene after your ex-boyfriend. Bokuto was still as huge and friendly as always. You greeted all the familiar faces and were even introduced to some new ones. It was nice. As the hours went on the alcohol overtook your body.

You had found yourself on a couch on top of him - Atsumu Miya.

“Woahh pretty girl slow down.” He pulls away from the kiss a string of saliva breaking you apart as he does so. “What's yer name, pretty girl?” He asks before leaving light kisses on your neck forcing a gasp out of you.

“L/n.” You say quickly, “y/n l/n.”

“Pretty name for a pretty girl.” He says continuing kissing down your neck. He would have gone further right then and there however your rendezvous was cut short by Bokuto and Kuroo calling your name. And you thought that was gonna be the last encounter with the mystery man.

“Ohhhh~ n/n-chan getting it on with tsum-tsum.” Bokuto teases.

“N/n is lonelyyyyyy.” Kuroo slurs.

The teasing continued all night, however at 11:58pm everyone started gathering around for the countdown, you were convinced this is the fourth year you would be lonely. Before you felt an arm snag your waist.

“Hey pretty girl.” He purrs into your ear.

“Oh it’s you.”

“I have a name y’know princess?”

Silence.

“Do yer seriously not know who I am.”

“Egotistical by the sound of it, pretty boy.” You respond.

“Atsumu Miya. Y’know? MSBY’s setter?”

“Right. I like pretty boy more.” You giggle.

“Yer won't be moaning that tonight trust me doll.”

Atsumu pulls you in for a kiss, “So you wanna take me up on that offer princess?”

You can’t help but nod eagerly.

Happy New year to you indeed.

©slut4msby.

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anistarrose · 7 months ago

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taz balance one-shot recs!

I've been meaning to make this post for a while now, so here we are! The majority of these are from the past three years or so, because I love a fandom classic as much as anyone, but I particularly want to shine a light on some gems from after the peak of traffic in the fandom tags! There are of course also exceptions that are older, though.

Also, April 19th-21st are Just Leave a Comment Fest, so please show these authors some love!! They're all so deserving!

a recipe for home by @journalofimprobablethings: Taako tries to cook for the first time since Glamour Springs. When things go awry, Lucretia is there to lend a hand.

Gen (Taako & Lucretia), 3.5k. Early B.O.B. era hurt/comfort centered around cooking, with a delicious dollop of sentimentality and dramatic irony on top.

Seven Times Magnus Burnsides Gave Someone A Hug + One Time He Received One by @barry-j-blupjeans: Magnus wasn't really any good at— at words. He was more of an action man. Or, y'know, a "I'll take this hit so you don't have to" man. Talking to someone about their feelings was all kinds of weird, so usually he just left the space for someone else to talk. And, well... Magnus wasn't good at words. But there's a few different ways to get his support across.

Mostly gen with some Magnulia, 8.6k. You've all heard of the classic 5 Plus 1, but obviously Magnus deserves a 7 Plus 1! I don't know how to describe it without spoilers other than being full of incredibly sweet, gentle takes on so many fraught or bittersweet moments. Super underrated, do give it a read.

Embrace the Dark by @ceilingfan5: Bookstore coworkers Kravitz and Taako get more than they bargained for when Taako tries to use his powers to fix Kravitz's migraine. But it's okay--it's an excuse for them to spend time together until one of them can nut up and ask the other out.

Taakitz, 8.9k. Modern with Superpowers AU! Super sweet interactions between Kravitz and Taako, paired with lots of fun background worldbuilding. And, of course, a very special grilled cheese sandwich.

Break This Heavy Chain by Punka_Writes: In the immediate aftermath of Story and Song, Barry Bluejeans could really use a hug.

Blupjeans and misc. platonic interactions, 2.3k. The absolute epitome of comfort food in written form, with excellent Barry characterization (and of course, he does get that hug)!

birds of a feather steal sweaters together by @holdmecloser-gandydancer: When you're a big, burly guy it seems that your clothes just become free reign for all your friends. Normally Magnus is a reasonable guy, but everyone has their limits.

Gen (IPRE crew), 1.9k. Starblaster era fluff! Everyone is written absolutely delightfully, and every time I read it I snort out loud at least twice.

Security by @ceilingfan5: Barry has finally made it--his incredible scientific discovery has landed him a huge fortune...and a lot of problems. The only good thing that's come of it, honestly, has been his bodyguard, Lup. (And the science. That's good also.) He's just gotta stay normal about how nice it is to have someone like Lup around, and also not perish by way of press circuit, and everything will be fine.

Blupjeans, 6k. Modern with magic AU from Barry's POV, featuring equal parts anxiety and pining. Also, it's straight-up extremely funny.

Lonesome Dreams by @jerreeeeeee: Taako wakes up one morning from a nightmare, fast fading. There was a guy in glasses, and they were… somewhere high up? Something terrible happened, but he doesn’t remember. He wakes up in a wagon he’s never seen before, but it has his name on it. There’s tons of food inside, more than he’d be able to afford. And he’s alone. Thinking back to the last thing he remembers is difficult. College? No, he’d graduated. Top of his class, obviously, he remembers that. But what- what happened after? Where is Lup?

Gen (Taako & Lup), 10.2k. Everything starts out the same, except Taako remembers Lup, even if not how she went missing, and it's incredibly underrated and full of phenomenal characterization. I won't spoil how things shake out, but it's a great emotional ride and I genuinely reread it all the time.

it's my party and I'll mope if I want to by @holdmecloser-gandydancer: Taako's birthday is just another Thursday. A detective and an old friend have a different idea.

Gen (Taako & Lucretia & Angus), 2.1k. Short and so sweet! Fics about voidfished!Taako's birthday never get old, and this is one of my absolute favorites. Nailing the angst-to-wholesome ratio.

Tedious Familiarity by @barry-j-blupjeans: Déjà vu. Noun. A feeling of having already experienced the present situation. A tedious familiarity. Barry Bluejeans woke up in a cave, fresh out of a pod filled with green goop, and saddled with an unsettling feeling that he had been here before. If you had asked forty-year-old Barry if he would follow instructions left by a talking coin, he probably would have asked you what type of drugs you were on. But, y’know, fifty… two? Fifty-one? How old was he? Fifty-two sounded right. But, y’know, fifty-two years old Barry didn’t really have that many other places to turn, so this couldn't be all that bad.

Gen, 4.1k. Missing scenes based off Barry's decade alone, written in such an effective style, where all the little details truly make it. Mandatory reading for fellow Barry angst enjoyers.

Angus McDonald and the Wonderland Escape Rooms by coppersunshine: When Angus gets grounded from detecting, to keep his skills sharp he becomes a patron of the Wonderland Escape rooms, run by Edward and Lydia, who quickly decide he's their new nemesis. To their surprise, Angus and the collection of weird adults he's accompanied by decide otherwise.

Gen (Angus & Edward & Lydia), 7k. Modern with magic AU, putting Edward and Lydia in the absolute funniest possible job, at which a little boy detective torments... and maybe, even gives them a chance to turn over a new leaf. I am of the opinion that Angus and the Wonderland twins have a criminally underexplored dynamic, and this fic gave me everything I wanted.

If the Sun and Moon Should Doubt by Punka_Writes: Merle Highchurch, on the brink of a bad decision.

Gen, 1.6k. Merle character study immediately before running out on his marriage. Truly the incredible characterization that Merle deserves; this was a fic that really ignited my love for him.

Greensleeves by @sgrumby: Kravitz has never seen a lich like this before, and he's seen a lot of liches. Merle is just trying to save the universe, thanks very much.

Gen (Kravitz & Merle), 2.2k. A unique and also absolutely genius Lich!Merle AU where Kravitz inevitably comes after him, and Merle is... well, the Peacemaker, of course!

#taz #taz balance #taz balance spoilers #fic rec #long post

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fountainpenguin · 3 months ago

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Short Version: I don't even know how to begin explaining this, so take these 'fic doodles with no context.

Wish Fixers, my chronically unhelpful beloved...

Long Version (City Lights AU #ridspoilers beyond the above implication. Mentions of death and trauma; it gets pretty dark)

Nalooksthrough, I tag you below because I cited your co-dependent toxic friendship comic and said it was cool- If you don't want to click, that's all the tag was :)

So I started outlining my Dale backstory 'fic (Lemonade and Papercuts) since I am the most predictable person alive and of COURSE I can't resist 7 years of trauma and intimacy anxiety <3. But planning a 'fic like this requires many pieces and many questions.

First and most obvious- How did Vicky lure in Dale? From previous planning, I've already decided that since they're the same age (maybe one year off), they probably knew each other in school or activities.

Ex: Squirrely Scouts & Cream Puffs... Not unreasonable- Throughout the series, many kids participate and the organizations seem to have a big following in Dimmsdale. Vicky's sister Tootie is in the Cream Puffs and Vicky is seen bossing them around in the Season 0 episode "Scout's Honor" ("Oh Yeah! Cartoons"). There's a comic by the same name depicting Remy in Squirrely Scouts (after "Fairy Fairy Quite Contrary" but before he gets his memories back in "Remy Rides Again" and I always thought it was cute). I mean, look at him:

Pictures courtesy of the FOP Wiki

It's not unreasonable that Dale - who's also rich - might've gotten into that (especially since Doug is big on the cowboy theming and of all the rich parents, he's probably the one most okay with his son playing in dirt). Something scout-related could be an option even if Dale and Vicky went to different schools.

A friendship that gets increasingly toxic until it spirals into full-on abuse sounds really interesting (and @nalooksthrough portrayed this idea beautifully imo in THIS comic I can't stop thinking about).

Sounds fun to write, so let's go with that. What's next?

Hey, remember when 7 years ago, I headcanon'd H.P. as Dale's godfather because of this doodle in Da Rules that specifically refers to Pixie godparents and depicts a fluffy-haired kid in a purple shirt?

I recently found out I still had Dale listed as a godchild of H.P. on his full character profile on my fanfic sideblog. I was waffling over whether to retcon that (since I hadn't yet done anything with it), but I started brainstorming whether I COULD do anything with it.

I've always written Wish Fixers in 'fic [e.g. Origin of the Pixies] as a therapy business run by H.P.'s dad (which H.P. bought off him out of spite despite not being licensed for therapy) but, like...

Does Jorgen know H.P. isn't licensed? I can't see why he would... As far as he knows, H.P. owns and runs the place- especially given my lore that Wish Fixers has been in his family for many generations. Sounds qualified to me!

In "School's Out! The Musical" (episode that Da Rules screenshot is from), we learn Pixies are at the back of the line for godparent work, even under creatures like unicorns (Hence the Musical's plot requiring them to remove magical creatures from earth before they could assign themselves to Flappy Bob).

I said in a recent liveblog post that I'd always imagined this was a punishment given to them due to H.P. absolutely failing as godfather to Dale- Thus, the origin of the doodle on the page for that rule. But... I never decided what happened.

See, Dale SEEMS like a guy who would qualify for a fairy. He was probably pretty miserable under Vicky's 7 years of torture and he's still holding onto that trauma in his adulthood.

DID he have a fairy?

I'm just saying, we know from S4's "Wish Fixers" that H.P. is legally(?) allowed to make contracts that swap a fairy godparent with a pixie one if godkids choose to sign of their own free will... Hmm... I'm connecting dots I don't think I like... (I am lying).

I mean?? Dale clearly did not get out of the pit due to magical interference. If I'm committing to the doodle being Dale and reflecting an actual godfather-godson dynamic between him and H.P., then something sure went wrong there. I can't NOT make Dale suffer...

What on earth could've made Dale sign a contract for something a fairy couldn't give him? We know from "Nectar of the Odds" canon that he wished to see his dad, and thanks to previous liveblogs, I DO already have a headcanon of Dale being extremely desperate for his dad's love... Hmm... I can work with that.

I went down a rabbit hole trying to answer the question of how Vicky secured lemons for 7 years for Dale (and other kids) to work with. Here are some lemon tree facts:

- Lemon trees bear fruit after only a few years - They can bear fruit multiple times a year (depending on variety) - A single lemon tree can produce 1,500 lemons in one growing season - Dimmsdale is in California - a state known for lemon orchards.

That feels likely... An orchard of even a few trees can keep you going for a while.

But lemonade doesn't sell for much compared to other things Vicky could've set a kidnapped child up to do (Ex: In "Microphony," she has kids doing a bunch of other tasks like answering phones for her babysitting service, painting houses, and washing cars).

So... WHY lemonade? What is going on that makes this the thing Vicky has Dale do for 7 years?

And who owns the orchard? I need Vicky to obtain lemons without being stopped for 7 years.

Is it a Dimmadome orchard? Maybe, but several episodes imply Vicky's not familiar with the Dimmadomes - and she probably would have turned Dale in for cash reward if given the chance - so those are two things I need to keep in mind.

Does the orchard belong to her family? That's a possibility- Vicky is shown drinking lemonade after "Nectar of the Odds." She definitely could've bought it - It can't be too expensive unless prices were jacked up after she lost her cheap labor - but it's a drink she's seen with in multiple episodes. She definitely likes it.

And we know from "Timmy's 2D House of Horror" that Vicky's parents are terrified of her. It's not likely they'd stop her from taking lemons from the family orchard.

One problem... If Dale goes missing when he's about 9 (Closer to 7 or 8 in my planned timeline), Vicky is also 9 or younger. Are her parents scared of her when she's that small and inexperienced in the ways of the world?

In "The Switch Glitch," she's 5 and seems mild and sweet until 10-year-old Timmy mistreats her- She clearly didn't have memories of Timmy, implying she totally regressed to how she acted when she really was 5. Worth pointing out she goes off the deep end and chains up Cosmo and Wanda, so... she IS mean even at age 5. But also, she's 5. She wears the same purple hair bow in "Switch Glitch" (at 5) that she does when Timmy drains the meanness out of her in "Vicky Loses Her Icky," which is interesting.

So that begs the question... Can I turn my Dale backstory 'fic into a double story of Dale abuse AND Vicky going from a pretty innocent child to Totally Messed Up? Keeping in mind that according to Vicky in A New Wish, Vicky IS the one responsible for abusing him and he "spent 7 years' worth of Saturdays in a factory underneath a lemonade stand."

If that's the way I want to play it... Something happened to send Dale and Vicky down the dual victim-and-abuser path, destinies intertwined. And for some reason, Vicky stuck with the lemonade theme.

Dale just says he spent his Saturdays "in a factory underneath a lemonade stand." It's not out of the question he and Vicky made more lemon products than just lemonade, especially given Vicky's love for money (and those 600 lbs of lemons one tree can produce in a year). We can assume they changed locations a few times or someone would've found the trapdoor on Timmy's lawn. Plus when Dale started his abuse, Vicky hadn't started babysitting Timmy, whom she only met when he was 8.

So, I've set Dale up to be lured in by Vicky because they were friends. I like the idea of things gradually getting worse as Vicky slowly morphs from a friend into a very cruel person. If Vicky was bullying him, what stopped him from just... leaving?

Vicky's transformation was probably subtle if he stayed for so long..... I also pointed out in a recent post that Doug's underground milk empire where he uses hypnotized people for labor bears a striking amount of similarities with Vicky's lemonade stand, even down to the general vibes of "trapdoor entrance" (although it's implied there's another entrance in small building).

And if we want to be technical about things... We don't know if Doug and Dale pressed charges against Vicky. She clearly continues to babysit Timmy and other kids after "Nectar of the Odds" (Season 2).

In Season 4 ("Channel Chasers"), Doug remarks that Timmy's parents should've guessed Vicky was evil because of the Chip Skylark song "Icky Vicky," but he doesn't mention Vicky kidnapping his son. That's.... sus. He even offers to buy a car from her in Season 3's "Engine Blocked" (after Dale's escape).

Why would such a powerful guy let all of that slide? Did they just not have enough proof? Did Vicky wipe the place clean? Did Dale "not want to make a big deal about it" because he was so exhausted and grateful, he just didn't want to think about it or struggle with the legal system? Was he covering for her?? Was he scared to speak up?

... Did Dale not tell his dad the whole truth about where he was?

What if Dale was - in some vague and early concept way - in on the lemonade scheme from the beginning, back when he and Vicky were friends and she wasn't so cruel? Maybe she turned on him and sentenced him to the pit before long?

Why the underground-ness of it? Why the lemonade, which probably doesn't turn much profit... as lemonade. Unless you have unrestrained access to tons of lemons that you can turn into multiple products - Dale DID call it a factory - and no one is stopping you from accessing them...

... but how do you set up a situation where kids have access to a whole lemon orchard - presumably carefully maintained - and the adults don't take it away from them (Because... surely they would've found Dale and multiple other kids if they strayed close).

And Dale didn't leave. He does in "Nectar of the Odds" - apparently of his own volition - but not before. Was he kept there mentally as well as physically?

We KNOW Vicky can't be monitoring him 24/7 because "Nectar of the Odds" is the only episode depicting her paying attention to him, while others show her doing many other things in many other places (though it's worth noting Dale says in that episode that "Vicky's kept him locked up for so long").

Did he stay so long because it was the perceived better fate up until he miraculously crossed paths with his dad (via fairy magic) and took the risk? Would he have gone back in?

Maybe it wasn't supposed to get this out of hand. Dale and Vicky were young when this started... Somewhere between 7 and 9 (given that Dale was kept there for 7 years and Vicky is 16 when he escaped and he tells 9-year-old Dev this happened when he was Dev's age).

Maybe there was an accident. Something not just Vicky, but even Dale felt the need to cover up, especially in regards to the orchard and the fact that it needs to be Vicky's consistent source of lemons (and not something she lost out on before Dale's escape... an illusion of ownership maintained. Kids can't own the orchard, but what if they fooled people into believing it wasn't owned by kids?)

Hmm... some kind of accident that got two mostly innocent kids into huge trouble, thus setting up a horribly intertwined fate where if one of these toxic co-dependent friends backs out and squeals, even the squealer might suffer worse compared to trucking along on the cruel existing path.

tl;dr - if Vicky and Dale accidentally killed the orchard owner but they were kids and terrified to tell an adult lest they go to jail for life so they hid the body in the basement (or like ?? threw it to the coyotes or hyenas that inexplicably lurk on the fringes of Dimmsdale??) and are trying desperately to wipe their hands of this by pretending the lemon orchard is still operational so no one investigates until they can figure out a plan, and then Vicky hardens herself as a trauma response and manipulates Dale into believing it was solely his fault and she'll pin him with murder charges if he gets cold feet and turns her in, and he's miserable and gets a fairy (then loses his fairy via Pixie contract through Wish Fixers, presumably in an attempt to negotiate a way to protect himself from Vicky and somehow not gaining the ire of his father) and then H.P. (lawyer and unlicensed yet de facto therapist pulled two ways) is suddenly Dale's godfather and trying to comprehend what the flip is going on between misery and manslaughter while he's also juggling Gary, Betty, and Flappy Bob at the same time in preparation for the Musical because we know he spent 37 years on that plan...

... Would that be one messed-up yet hyperspecifically canon-compliant 'fic or what?

These thoughts have been haunting me all weekend and I HAD to get my "I'm not that kind of lawyer or therapist" joke out of my system, so there's your context. #Sorry. Is this the direction the actual 'fic will go? ... It's not the direction I really had in mind, but ?? It's off the wall and therefore I must shake it in my teeth. I can't not write Dale backstory this horrific. what. hey.

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thisapplepielife · 6 months ago

Text

Written for a @astrangersummer.

Set Sail on Your Ocean of Flavor

Week #6 Prompt: Ice Cream | Word Count: 2560 | Rating: T | POV: Chrissy | Characters: Chrissy, Eddie, Steve, Robin | Pairings: Platonic Stobin, Everything Else is Open to Interpretation (Steddie, Buckingham, Hellcheer, or Cheerscoops? Reader's Choice.) | CW: None | Tags: Pre-S3, Summer 1985, Scoops Ahoy, Chrissy's on a Break from Jason, Spontaneously Hanging Out, Different Crossing of Paths

Chrissy watches as one more tally is marked in the 'you suck' column, and she feels like maybe that's meant for her, too, not just Steve Harrington in his dumb little sailor hat. She dumped Jason, again, but knows it probably won't stick. It never does, and she's not even sure if she wants it to. She doesn't know what she wants, never has, and now she feels like maybe she never will.

Hence, the 'you suck' mentality that seems fitting tonight.

It's just that they've been together since freshman year, and well, she can't really imagine going into their last year without him. She isn't sure she even knows how to be just Chrissy anymore. She feels stagnant, and honestly, a little bit pigeonholed into these roles that have been selected for her: Jason's girlfriend. Cheer captain. Bubbly arm candy, expected to be full of pep all the damn time. Face plastered with a fake smile.

Tonight, she just wanted to turn off her brain for a few hours in the mindless bustle of the mall, and finding herself on the bench across from Scoops Ahoy, watching Robin Buckley endlessly needle Steve Harrington has been unexpectedly fun. People watching is always entertaining, but watching people you know, or at least, kind of know, is even better.

For the last hour, she's been mulling over the idea that maybe she could get Steve Harrington to take her out, just to make Jason jealous. Steve's reputation isn't what it once was, no longer King Steve, no longer even in high school, but he's still nice enough to look at. Even if he seems bound and determined to make an ass out of himself with every girl that crosses his path in the ice cream shop. He looks desperate now, and that's a marked change. His status as top dog waned in the last year, and she knows that Jason thought, briefly, that he'd maybe be able to grab the reins, the crown, but instead there was Billy Hargrove, ready to fight, and Jason backed down, easily.

If Jason wasn't gonna fight Steve for it, he certainly wasn't gonna try his luck against Billy.

Honestly, she'd always found it interesting that Steve never seemed to care all that much that his reign was over. There was no death gasp, no struggle to stay in charge. He walked away, and looked relieved to be out, honestly.

She feels that. Might want it for herself.

Maybe Steve Harrington could teach her how he did it, give her a peek behind the curtain of what happens after.

And if that makes Jason jealous, it'll be a bonus. Jason would probably still be threatened by the idea of the Harrington name. It still carries weight, even if Steve has fallen from the popular pedestal.

The ice cream shop is empty now, nearing closing time, and if she's gonna do it, she's gotta do it now.

She starts to stand up, to test the waters to see if he even acts interested at all, when there's suddenly a commotion and falling and flailing and a jangle of metal as the guy she just fucking tripped crashes to the ground. Hard.

He groans, and she immediately reaches for his arm, "I am so sorry! I didn't see you!"

He rolls over onto his back, and her eyes widen. Eddie Munson. Shit. Damnit. As if there could be a scarier guy for her to trip like a klutz, because he's gonna be in her class next year. She definitely wasn't looking to make an enemy out of him.

You don't want Eddie Munson's mouth pointed in your direction, unless you like to be screamed at from atop a lunch table, and Chrissy most definitely does not.

"Oh my god, are you oka-?" she starts to ask, but then Robin and Steve are both hovering over him, too.

"Man, that was a hit," Steve says, reaching down to grasp Eddie's hand, yanking him roughly to his feet, "Cunningham got you good. I wish I could see the security footage, because I bet it's a doozy."

"Thanks, Harrington," Eddie says dryly, back on his feet and brushing himself off.

"I am really sorry," Chrissy stresses, and Eddie looks at her, and gives her a little smile.

"It's okay, I wasn't paying attention," Eddie says, his cheeks a little flushed, like he's embarrassed. She wasn't sure that was possible. Not from the same guy that stands on lunch tables, or the bleachers, or shimmies up onto the roof over the exterior walkway between school buildings, pacing, screaming down at everyone at the top of his lungs, at least once a week.

She's pretty sure he spends more time in detention, ISS or OSS than anyone else in the whole student body.

And he's gonna do it all again next year, with her class.

"Obviously you weren't paying attention," Robin snarks, and Chrissy laughs, relieved when Eddie does, too. Maybe he's not as mean and scary as she thought he was.

"Can I buy you some ice cream? To make up for it?" Chrissy offers, tucking her hair behind her ear, like he might tell her to fuck off.

And Eddie does look suspicious at her offer, even if it's totally sincere. She wants to apologize, and Steve and Robin are right here, ready to serve said ice cream, so it seems like the most logical solution for an apology.

"Gotta eat it quick," Steve says, "we close in five."

"And we got places to be," Robin adds.

"Together?" Eddie asks, looking between them, and Chrissy kind of does the same.

"Maybe," Robin says, "what's it to you?"

"Nothing, nothing at all, Buckley," Eddie answers, "I just didn't think Harrington was your type."

"And you know what my type is?" Robin asks, arching her eyebrow, a challenge.

"Pretty sure I do," he answers, scurrying along behind her, "and it's not Harrington."

"Hey!" Steve snaps, like this is the most offensive thing he's ever heard, "I'm a catch."

"Sure you are, Popeye," Robin says, and Chrissy smiles as she watches the three of them banter and volley back and forth, all the way back to the counter.

Steve grabs the ice cream scoop, twirls it in his hand, and looks right at Eddie, "Alright. What'll it be?"

Eddie is looking down into the glass case, trying to make a decision, so Chrissy buys him some extra time, saying, "I'll take a scoop of peanut butter chocolate swirl."

"Sounds good," Eddie chimes in, "make it two."

Maybe he can't read? Is that why he keeps flunking high school? Oh my god, no way.

Steve scoops them up both cones, and hands them over, "There. Go forth. Set sail on your ocean of flavor. Goodnight."

She tries to hand Steve some money, and he just waves her off, closing up the ice cream freezers behind the counter.

"Well, Harrington, you've got me curious. Where are you two off to in such a rush?" Eddie asks, licking his cone, not budging from in front of the counter, and Chrissy notices that Steve's watching Eddie eat the ice cream intently, before his eyes slide back upwards.

Steve rolls his eyes, "If you must know, we're going to see Cocoon, and it starts in," and Steve looks at his watch, "nine and half minutes. So…" he trails off, making a shooing motion with both of his hands. Dismissing them. Chrissy can take the hint.

Eddie can't, apparently.

"The one about the old people? Maybe you should have given me the black walnut," Eddie says, pointing to the tag in front of him, "that seems more appropriate."

So, he can read, definitely, and she feels stupid for thinking he couldn't. She's seen him read, a lot, off in corners of the school, like a bear they'd all rather let lie than poke with a stick.

Steve just shakes his head, so Eddie keeps talking, "Isn't that the movie made by Opie? And you're gonna pay to see it?" Eddie asks, looking curious, tongue darting out to lick another stripe off the cone.

"Well, not exactly," Robin says, and Steve cuts her a look that Chrissy tries to decipher. "Can you keep a secret?"

"Yes," Chrissy says.

"No," Eddie says at the same time.

And they all laugh, which makes Eddie smile and it's a nice smile. Definitely not so scary, after all. He seems so normal, and it delights her for some reason. Like she's gotten to see behind the mask.

"Do you have anywhere to be?" Steve asks, looking between the both of them, and they both just shake their heads no. Because she doesn't, and now she's curious.

"Great," Steve says, as he pulls down the gate at the front of the store, locking everything up and turning off the lights, before he herds them towards the employees only break room, hidden behind the swinging door.

"Wait here," Steve says, and then both him and Robin disappear, leaving her alone with Eddie Munson, eating ice cream, in the back of Scoops Ahoy. It's definitely an odd place to find herself, she must admit.

"Well, that was weird," Eddie says, "Harrington and Buckley. That's the unlikeliest duo I've ever seen."

"Is that so?" Chrissy asks, motioning between the two of them, and Eddie laughs, really laughs.

"Okay. You just had to one up me," he says, smiling at her. "And after trying to kill me. I see how you are."

"I'm really sorry I tripped you, I didn't mean to," she says, taking a bite of her cone.

"I know. It's fine. I'm like a cat, nine lives and all that. Just didn't get the landing on my feet part," Eddie answers, and Steve comes banging through the doors, in his regular clothes. Robin follows, out of her sailor suit as well.

And Chrissy notices that she's funky. Her style, anyway, with her hair piled messily up on her head. It makes Chrissy feel a little uncool in her dress, which is crazy. Of the two of them, Chrissy knows she's definitely the one considered popular. But Robin Buckley? She looks cool in a way Chrissy knows she'll never be. In comparison, Chrissy feels like a child dressed for church, not a teen hanging out in the mall. Pretty, maybe, but not cool.

But Robin with her smudged eyeliner, rolled jeans and shoes she's written all over, is pretty and cool.

Chrissy can absolutely see why Steve Harrington would be interested in spending time with her, outside of work, looking like this.

"Okay, you're done with those," Steve says, taking the cones from both of their hands, dropping them in the trash can, and they don't even have the time to argue, it's too abrupt and weird.

But Steve wheels his arm around, motioning for them to hurry up, and they both get up and follow, like this is a normal thing to do.

"We found this right after we started working here," Robin says, as Steve leads them up to a door off of the blank, white hallway.

"Follow me in with confidence, like you belong," Steve insists, and then he's gone, through the door, and they all follow.

And it leads into the movie theater hallway. They're right inside, having bypassed the ticket booth. Holy shit. She's never done anything like this in her whole life, and it's a little bit thrilling. Sneaking around. She giggles, and Steve leads them to the right theater and they find an empty row.

"I didn't know you had it in you, Harrington," Eddie says, leaning over to talk to him over both her and Robin, like this is the weirdest double date in the world.

Honestly, she thinks if you'd thrown the name of every kid at Hawkins High in a hat, and drew names, she's not sure you could have come up with a weirder grouping than the four of them.

But here they are, and it's been kinda fun, honestly.

"There's lots of things you don't know about me, Munson," Steve retorts, and Robin laughs, "We need popcorn. I'll be right back."

And then he's gone, leaving the three of them that will all be seniors next year. She's nervous. Steve, she knows, just by running in the same circles. They both play sports, she's cheered for him since she was a freshman. He doesn't make her uncomfortable at all.

But these two? She's probably never said a word to either of them before tonight, and she's gone to school with Robin Buckley forever.

"So, class of '86," Chrissy says, and then feels embarrassed because that's kind of a dumb thing to say.

"Yep," Robin answers.

"I don't know, I haven't decided if I'll stop with '86 or keep going. '87? '88? They might be better classes than yours. No reason to rush into this graduation year decision," Eddie says, and they both laugh.

"Most people don't shop around for those, you know?" Robin says. "You get what you get."

"And you don't throw a fit," Chrissy adds, parroting the saying she's heard her entire childhood.

There's no time for Eddie to banter back, because the lights dim, as the previews pop onto the screen, and the projectionist tracks it until it is centered.

Steve comes back just in time, handing her and Robin both containers of popcorn. She says thanks, Robin doesn't. Chrissy tilts hers towards Eddie, and he takes a handful, and they all settle in for a movie she hadn't planned to see, with people she never could have imagined spending the evening with.

But it's fun. Eddie has running commentary, Steve keeps asking Robin stupid questions, getting her all riled up, and when the credits roll, Chrissy's a little sad it's over.

Walking out of the mall, they all sort of linger for a second before going their separate ways. Robin grabs her bike from the rack, as Steve takes off across the parking lot towards his familiar car. Eddie follows her, and she realizes she isn't scared.

When they get to her car, he just holds her car door open for her, bowing dramatically before running off, hip-checking Steve on his way by, sending Steve off-balance. Chrissy smiles as Steve hollers something she couldn't hear after Eddie, and she keeps grinning as she tracks Eddie all the way to a van parked off by itself.

In the driver's seat of her own car, she follows both of the boys out of the lot. Steve turns on his blinker, and eases out, clearly planning to follow slowly behind Robin on her bike, and Chrissy thinks that's sweet, before Eddie barrels out from behind Steve, music blaring as he's zooming around Steve and Robin, leaving them with a friendly honk and a cloud of smoke.

She can see that they both wave at him, and she smiles to herself. Nobody would ever believe her if she told them who she spent her evening with, and especially not if she told them how much fun it had been.

She turns in the opposite direction, towards home, and takes one last look in the rearview mirror, wanting proof that this wonderfully weird night actually happened.

It did, it really did, and Chrissy smiles as they get smaller and smaller behind her, before disappearing totally into the darkness.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @astrangersummer and follow along with the fun! 🍨

#a stranger summer #week six #prompt: ice cream #stranger things #chrissy cunningham #eddie munson #robin buckley #steve harrington #stranger things s3 #scoops ahoy #platonic stobin #thisapplepielife: short fic #thisapplepielife: a stranger summer #steve and robin #robin and chrissy #eddie and chrissy #steve and eddie #steve and chrissy

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autisticalastor · 6 days ago

Text

i'm listenin' to everything

Pairing: Vox/Alastor

Rating: G

Tags: Fluff, Angst, Vox being his usual stalker self, Alastor hates technology lol

A/N: Made three (3) offhand posts about a Voxtek Assist being the key to Radiostatic realness and it haunted me until I made a full fic of it. This was a really fun one to write; hope you guys enjoy it as well! Title is from engravings by Ethan Bortnick!

Fic Tag List: @catastrophe-of-strategy

"What is that monstrosity?" Alastor asks, disgust clear in both his tone and expression. He's gesturing with his microphone staff at a sleek dark blue box. It glows blue around its edges, a glowing blue V at its center as well, with a trail of blinking red dots leading from the V to its base.

"Oh, it's one o' those Assist things Vox's company makes. Told Charlie about 'em and she decided to get one for the hotel to be like a digital assistant thing," Angel Dust explains. Of course he'd know all about it. "Try it out if ya want; it responds to Vox."

"I'm sure it does. You're aware this thing is likely just a listening device for Vox to spy on people, yes? I'm sure it does... whatever it claims to, but helping others certainly isn't its intended purpose."

Angel rolls his eyes. "Y'know how many o' these bitches Voxtek has already sold? Nobody's got time to be listenin' to all that. This thing's harmless."

Everyone else seems to be just as prepared as Angel to fully integrate this new device into their daily life here at the hotel, and Alastor isn't really sure why they're so trusting. Perhaps they simply don't understand Vox as well as he does. The moment he's alone with the Assist, he makes his displeasure known to it.

"Listen here, Vox," Alastor begins, tone threatening. The Assist seems to almost perk up at being called by name, interrupting with a cheery, "Can I assist you today?" as the previously-red blinking dots turn green. Its 'voice' is an almost uncanny replication of Vox's, but subtly more artificial somehow.

Alastor continues on, glaring at the device as if it can see him as well. "I know what your game is, and if you even think about messing with my hotel, I'll make you regret ever sinning enough to get sent here in the first place. I'll put God Himself to shame, do you understand?"

“I didn’t quite get that. Can I assist you today?” the Assist responds, waiting with blinking green lights for a response.

“Pretend all you want, Vox. You may have everyone else fooled, but I know what’s really going on.”

“I didn’t quite get that. Can I assist you today?”

Alastor throws his arms up in exasperation and decides to just wait until something interesting happens.

Keep Reading

#hazbin hotel #radiostatic #hazbin alastor #hazbin vox #vox x alastor #alastor x vox #staticradio #alastor hazbin hotel #hellaverse #x #my writing

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midnightsnyx · 1 year ago

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for smau… mat barzal just gushing over his girls (wife and daughters) all the time to the point where he literally doesn’t even post hockey anymore. it’s just his girls 25/8 and his teammates are always commenting and chirping at him.

love love love this idea!!! i took the name nora from my mat barzal fic and just picked the other from a baby name website. also, i dont know many islanders so theres only a few lol

honestly i kinda wanna take this and turn it into an AU lol

disclaimer: photo credit to all original owners. they were found on google/pinterest/etc. requests for blurbs & instagram edits are open!

barzal97

liked by dawson1417, yourusername, and others

barzal97 best feeling in the world.

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al_rom26 second that! ⤷ barzal97 ✌️

user1 good luck this season!!!

ny_islanders 😎

titobeauvi91 miss you brother ⤷ barzal97 miss you too! see you on the ice✌️ ⤷ user2 screaming crying throwing up

mattymarts17 there will be a better feeling one day bud

barzal97

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barzal97 missing this girl

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user1 since when does Mat have a gf?? ⤷titobeauvi91 that's his wife 👀 ⤷user2 SINCE WHEN IS MAT BARZAL MARRIED

ynbarzal miss you too ❤️ ⤷user3 brb going to stalk her profile

bohorvat young love

al_rom26 yeah man you're kinda depressing when your wifey isn't here ⤷barzal97 am not ⤷mattymarts17 he's right

barzal97

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tagged: yourusername

barzal97 my wife's been upgraded to baby mama

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pagertrain did yn approve this caption? ⤷ynbarzal no she did not.

joshanderson_77 congrats guys!

user1 omg awwwww

titobeauvi91 can't wait to be upgraded to uncle ⤷barzal97 you'll have to visit us

user2 baby mama lmao love it

ynbarzal can you come make me a sandwich ⤷barzal97 I am in the next room?? ⤷ynbarzal too much energy ⤷bohorvat don't question pregnant women bud ⤷user3 she's so cute omg

barzal97

liked by ynbarzal, ny_islanders, and others

barzal97 Welcome to the world Nora. Beyond thankful for my wife❤️

tagged: ynbarzal

titobeauvi91 booking my plane ticket now ⤷barzal97 ✌️

ny_islanders Congrats to the Barzal's!

mattymarts17 we're so happy for you guys. ⤷barzal97 thanks man

user2 still can't believe mat barzal is married and has a kid

al_rom26 wow, congrats guys!

ynbarzal love you and our little family <3 ⤷barzal97 love you ❤️

barzal97

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barzal97 like mama like daughter

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bohorvat Holly said to bring Nora for a playdate with the kids soon ⤷ynbarzal i'll text her!

user1 she is literally living the life we all want ⤷user2 fr

al_rom27 workin on #2 yet? ⤷ynbarzal get outta here ⤷barzal97 👀

titobeauvi91 do you even play hockey anymore🙄 ⤷barzal97 full time dad ⤷ynbarzal he's in dad mode

user3 🥺🥺🥺

mattymarts17 she's growing like a weed

barzal97

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tagged: ynbarzal

barzal97 Nora is getting upgraded to big sister!

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titobeauvi91 growing your own hockey team so you don't have to play? ⤷barzal97 you know it

user1 no wayyy ⤷ynbarzal yes wayyy

ny_islanders Can't wait to see Nora as a big sis!

al_rom26 you just should change your username to "mat barzal family fan account" ⤷ynbarzal tell me about it

barzal97

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barzal97 everyone meet Rosie

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user1 girl dad!!!

mattymarts17 how's Nora adjusting? ⤷barzal97 she doesn't want anyone else to hold her Rosie so we're working on that

titobeauvi91 2 down, 18 to go ⤷ynbarzal Anthony, get out of here

barzal97

liked by bohorvat, colecaufield, and others

tagged: ynbarzal

barzal97 thought playing hockey was the best feeling in the world. turned out, it wasn't even close.

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titobeauvi91 that is so sweet... I kind of love it

ynbarzal we love you so much ❤️

ny_islanders beautiful family!

user1 literally crying ⤷user2 same omg

al_rom26 ok this is officially a mat barzals family fan account

mattymarts17 I told you bud

#hockey imagines #allies writing #nhl fanfiction #hockey fanfiction #allie answers #nhl imagines #hockey imagine #fake insta post #social media au #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal fanfiction #mat barzal imagine #mat barzal fic #mat barzal fluff

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gayferrari · 2 months ago

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we as a community need to get more rpf-y about the fact that charles' girlfriend's name is alex

I see your vision. However EYE am more interested in the fact that in a certain light she looks like she and Carlos could be related.

Long answer: this ask sent me down a bit of a thought spiral about how F1 fandom in general deals with IRL significant others, as opposed to other sports RPF fandoms I've lurked in, so you get an actual essay, sorry.

I think it's interesting how F1 fic writers tend to just ignore irl partners, way more than other sports fandoms. You know how the tag “AU: no girlfriend / no wives” gets A Lot of mileage elsewhere? In F1 it's hardly ever used, because wags are simply excluded by default. The only ships that sometimes remember partners exist (include them or deliberately write around them) are ships involving guys like Seb or Nico whose relationships are a big part of their lives and are probably harder to just push to the side.

By contrast, the younger crop of drivers have a big social media presence that's almost impossible to ignore BUT does not include their actual irl partners because it's all work mandated PR, so these men's F1 personas make it very easy to paint them as single. Even if their broader public personas (outside of F1) are very high profile and often includes very public relationships and friendships — it's not like they keep their relationships lowkey, you know? But people just choose not to dig into those layers of lore, probably simply because the stuff we get through team PR videos and grill the grid already gives us a lot to work with.

IDK, I just find it fascinating! I bet many people don't even notice, but TO ME it's kinda glaring how often everyone in fic is single because imo it's such a fundamental component of the elite athlete lifestyle how these guys always have someone to come home to (and do some emotional labour for them). It doesn't have to be their actual irl girlfriends — many people draw the RPF line at including semi-famous partners, and that's a totally understandable stance — but there aren't even that many OC girlfriends. It is something that stands out to me compared to, idk, hockey RPF to make the most obvious comparison.

HAVING SAID ALL THAT. Yeah, I'd actually be very interested in more fics where Charles has a girlfriend. Again, it doesn't have to be a fictional version of his actual rl girlfriend, it can just be an OC with a different name. BUT, Charles's whole serial monogamy thing is actually a really big part of his personality that I think fandom misses out on, because HE is the one who's assigned the role of girlfriend in most ships he's involved in. You know, the omegafication of Charles... I get why it's a popular trend, I've written it myself and enjoy reading it. But I think there are interesting things to be done, characterisation wise, drawing on the fact that irl he's very much A Dude, and also a serious relationship kinda guy, and a very basic kinda straight guy who yearns for three children by age 35. Like... I think taking THAT kind of man and giving him a sexuality crisis is an avenue full of potential that the fandom could explore more.

tldr: I fully respect people's decision NOT to engage with significant others in RPF but also I think it has potential if you're inclined to go that way! so yea I agree RPF fandom could and should do more with Charles having a girlfriend even if people choose not to RPF *this* specific girlfriend.

#rpf #character notes #wags #ask to tag #tldr highkey respect people's decision NOT to engage with significant others in RPF #but also I think it has potential if you're inclined to go that way #elle asks

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b0ther · 1 year ago

Text

i can still see it all (in my head)

lisa has always liked a challenge. this time, though, she just wants you to be easy.

pairing : lisa minci x reader (masculine pronouns. amab) rating : explicit, not safe for work (sexual content) type : one-shot tags : royalty-sorta!au. age-gap age-gap age-gap (older man and younger woman), reader is a general and a divorcee AND a dad (he also has a big dick),description of the length of reader's hair, porn with feelings, semi-public sex, cowgirl position, mating press, breeding kink, lisa gets manhandled by reader, there is an emotional scene at the end word count : 2208

author's note : title from 'daylight' by taylor swift. in my head, lisa just looks so good with an older guy,,, also this is a chance for you all to be the dilf you've always aspired to be. also note that i don't know at all about military hierarchies 💀 i really do be writing whatever

( masterlist │ ask/request │ ao3 )

Lisa doesn’t know what to think of the new scout assigned to the library.

After bringing home a glistening victory for the crown, there was a couple of months where he was not seen until he once again reemerged in a ball celebrating the Crown Prince’s 17th birthday. Lisa did not see him fresh off battle, but she heard stories. Of his shagged face, hair overgrown to his chest.

She did, however, see him on the ball. And he was full of glory: dukes and duchesses scramble to part the sea of royalty for a man to whom they owe their lavish life to. His hair was trimmed at the appropriate length—just above his ears—and his face clean shaven.

Lisa finds it odd, though, how after that day, he lounges around her library—a gift from his King, she heard, to be dismissed of all duties relating to waging wars and protecting the city. It would be inane for the King to award him with less than whatever he wanted after the almost-decade-long battle cost him his handsome face and his obnoxious wife. It’s good for the King that he didn’t want much. Just for a quiet life of defending the palace instead of the city.

Lisa personally thinks that he should have asked for more; tranquillity does not erase the profound scar down across his left eye, after all. Even if it added to his allure. Even if Lisa spends her day daydreaming about running her fingers along its length.

So, instead of being the ravenous, cruel war general that he is rumoured to be on the battlefield, he sits with his leg crossed on top of a knee and reads thick volumes of exhausting diction and verities between the shelves of her library,

The first few weeks, Lisa greets him with a warm smile as she would do to everyone. She does not indulge herself in calling him sugary-sweet pet names—he was far older, after all, and way above her ranks. Dear lord, what would he think of her?—and instead, calls him General, not even daring to mutter the sound of his surname following it.

He is helpful to her. With his swords clanking against the stony floor, he would walk after her and grab the mountaining pile of books from her arms. Wordless. He then would place them on the higher shelves, ones that she could not possibly reach without the help of some wooden steps. He looks like he has the filing of the books and reports memorised like the back of his own hand—Lisa thought that she knows this library most, but he looks like he melts right into the scenery, like he is a part of the breathing, living room.

Once, he came into the library just in time to catch her wobbling body from crashing against the cold ground. Her careless feet had misstepped, and Lisa is certain that if he wasn’t there to catch her falling body, she would have died. And maybe it was her racing heart, or maybe it was the way his wide palms grabbed her skin, fingers digging into the flesh of her thigh and almost circling her waist, but on that day, Lisa decided that she must have him.

She knows what to call him, now, when it’s just the two of them. A series of provoking “General” or “Baby”—even his given name, when she gets bold enough or if the night gets dark enough.

She would ride his cock, never really getting used to his size, as she pressed her palms against his stomach, mouth hanging open, drool spilling free, and her knees bruising from the friction against the stone underneath them. He’d call her all sorts of pretty names, cooing at how good his little librarian is milking his dick dry, thumb grazing over her perky nipples, jugs glistening with sweat.

Just as he would shoot his thick seeds up her womb, filling her hot cunt with strings of white juice, he would push himself to press their lips against each other, cursing at god at how perfect her pussy is for him.

She knows that he likes being on top—folding her in half with her scarred knees pressed against her tits. She has seen the way he licks his lower lips, watching the way sweat sticks her champagne hair to her face and chest, drilling into her tight hole with his thick length. He loves the way she rolls her eyes back whenever he hits her spot just right—loves feeling her warm walls wrapping around his dick, seeing her clenched cunt stuffed with his cream.

But he is too nice. He knows she chases that feeling of control whenever she pushes him back against the chair—or the floor—and rolls her hips. He lets her take control at times, just sitting there with his thumb rubbing against her sensitive bud, watching her body shudder at every wave of orgasm she gets just by him toying her clit. This isn’t what he is used to, she supposes, but Lisa can tell that he also enjoys the view of seeing her tits bouncing at every squeeze of his cock.

Lisa thinks that she would make a fine wife.

She isn’t rowdy like his once-wife. She is quiet, sweet, charming. Her opinions are never uttered with such strength like the Marchioness, and she imagines that he would prefer keeping her close and showing her off.

But she is just a scholar, nothing more. She cannot give him the title that he must want, or the child that he already has.

The boy is a few years younger than the Crown Prince, and Lisa can see him in his son’s eyes. They are civil with each other, just as a father and a child of royalty would be. There are habits and quirks that she observes in his son when she tutors him—little patterns that are never engraved to someone like her.

If the Marchioness had been patient and not divorced the General, he would not have been holding Lisa the way he does now. And no matter how many times Lisa has ended the night with his cum up in her cunt, there are just some skeletons that she cannot resolve.

Lisa often dreams about his tongue on her nipples. Her hard, hard nipples.

Just the feeling of his wet tongue rubbing, tugging, sucking on her teats. His low growl, his hungry looks. Just the thought of him catching her in his mouth is enough to make her cum most times. She starves for him, for his touch.

And she knows that he loves reaching over to knead on her tits, fascinated with her nipples as his cock is buried deep inside of her.

In his chamber, he would let her sit herself down his length, with her back pressed against his chest. He would rest his chin on her shoulder, and she would bury her nose amongst his greying hair, moaning at how he tugs at her nipples, rolling them between his calloused and thick fingers. His other hand would begin with caressing her other tit before making his way down to her belly, pressing down against her flesh. Then continuously trailing down, pressing his palm flat against her sopping pussy lips.

The friction of his palm against her clit would make her jolt. Lisa would claw at his big arms, silently begging for him to let her ride him, but he was too strong. She can’t fight his strength when he is holding her down.

“I’m getting older, Baby,” he mutters in her ear—his voice almost enough to send Lisa yipping through another orgasm. He sighs, pressing his nose and lips against her neck. “I’m tired. Be a good girl for me and sit still.”

And Lisa whimpers. Because she wants to be a good girl for him. She wants to be the best.

Lisa doesn’t mind getting dicked down in her library. As long as it was his cock puncturing her little hole.

Though she complained that the library is the least comfortable place where they can fuck, it seems that he is interested in the notion of pounding mercilessly into her tiny cunt against her work desk, watching their cum mix and spill against the expensive mahogany.

“I’m gonna fuck a kid into you, Lisa,” he mutters, pressing his nails down her hips to the point where it hurts. Lisa whines, hands busy trying to grab the edge of her desk as her core pulsates even more with his threat. “Fill you up— shit,” he breathes as she clenches around his cock. He lifts her ass up, positioning her so that it’s easier to fuck into her hole. “Stuff you up with my hot cum. You’d like that won’t you?”

“Yes,” Lisa gasps in between her moans, her cries, her heaves. “Yesyesyes, please—”

Her cunt burns at his words, squeezing as he drags his length out, then piercing down her walls yet again. She can feel every girth, every veins of his cock. She can feel him opening her up, urging her to accommodate every single inch of him.

“Oh, Baby,” he grabs one of her arms, forcing her off her hands and against his chest. “You’re making me feel so good,” his voice trails the same time his hand goes to take hold of one of her tits.

Her throat dries. She lays her head on his shoulder as he kneads her ample jug, blabbering on and on about how she loves him and his big, big cock.

Lisa thinks that she would make a fine mother.

She is smart, and her mother used to say that being smart is the one quality that is most important in a woman when she bears a child.

When she gets dressed, Lisa would more often than not hum before her mirror, rubbing her belly as though one of these days, he would really impregnate her with his seeds. She dreams of swinging, little baby feet; she dreams of propping her child on her chest with their chin against her shoulder. She would teach them how to read and write and count, and how to chart the countless stars in the night sky.

But her reverie would dissolve like smoke from her hot morning coffee, and she is dragged back into the world where in the eyes of everyone else, they are nothing more than colleagues.

He isn’t mean. Lisa understands absolutely where he is coming from.

Even when he kisses her knuckles, lays with his head on her stomach, twirls her strands of hair around his fingers—she understands him. She absolutely does.

If she were in his position—in his mid 40s, tired from a long battle, is the father of a son he can barely see anymore—she would also feel his amount of shame in indulging in a younger woman. It’s not her—it is absolutely him. She senses that he wants to break free of his self-imposed chain and peck her cheeks in the royal garden instead of the strange, unseen nook of the castles, but an unseen rope tugs him back over and over again to his shame any moment he deems adequate to leave.

“Lisa,” he mutters one night when they are laying together, his head on her lap. She has a book on one hand as the other gently caresses his strands.

Lisa sets the book down, “Hmm?”

He has been staring at the ceiling, and Lisa waits until he feels as if he is ready to crank his neck. Their eyes meet—she marvels silently at the way moonlight reflects on his gaze. “I’m sorry.”

She titters, pretending to be dumb. “For what?”

He smiles at her laughter, his fingers escaping each other on his stomach before reaching out to find hers. He kisses the back of her hand. “I don’t know.”

Lisa shakes her head and feels the heat returning to her chest, throat, and ears. “You’re being silly again, General.”

“I am,” he sighs, shutting his eyes. “I’m getting old, aren’t I?”

“So am I.”

Lisa sits straight and looks down at him, fingers finding their way in between the spaces of his. She brings his hand closer to her lips to kiss. “You’re overthinking.”

“I am.” He pensively agrees, as though embarrassed.

“Everything is fine,” she tries soothing him with her head tilted. “Or am I not enough?” She gently teases.

“No,” he chuckles almost immediately. “You’re perfectly enough. You are more than enough. I am content with us, just like this.”

“Uh-huh,” Lisa nods. “Then why worry about something that is not even real?”

“I don’t know,” he turns to bury his face on her stomach, nuzzling his nose against her flesh. “Sorry.”

Lisa breathes in hard—a gust of wind from the open window suddenly reveals the perfect atmosphere for her to start crying. But she doesn’t. “It’s fine.”

He remains quiet with their hands tangled with each other. Lisa bites her lips, her other hand reaching to stroke his hair. She glances outside the window—the moon shines bright that night.

She will get through this. She breathes in deeply yet again, bending to press her lips to the side of his head. She has to.

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