#robin and chrissy

[strangerthingsbigbang]

Title: Where The Flowers Bloom and The Song Birds Sing

Author: Little_Annie Artist: doomcheese Beta: thefreakandthehair & Arbeds Ghost Characters: Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson, Robin Buckley, Chrissy Cunningham, The Party Relationship(s): Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson, Robin Buckley/Chrissy Cunningham Warnings: Past Child Abuse Rating: Mature Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Teacher!Steve Harrington, Gardener!Steve Harrington, Gardener!Eddie Munson, Mutual Pining, Love At First Sight, Idiots In Love, Romantic Fluff, Getting Together, Friends to Lovers, Texting, Minor Robin Buckley/Chrissy Cunningham,Fluff, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Eddie Munson is a Sweetheart, Gay Eddie Munson, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Lesbian Robin Buckley, Bisexual Chrissy Cunningham, Bonfires, Sleepovers, Platonic Stobin, Robin Buckley is a Menace Wordcount: 27,623 Summary:

After purchasing a home with his best friend and deciding to spend his spare hours renovating and landscaping the property, Steve meets a rather striking metalhead at the local greenhouse. Weeks pass and eventually between coffee breaks, bonfires, and days spent in the dirt and burning in the sun, together the pair restore the love and life that once lived in the old home.

Where The Flowers Bloom and The Song Birds Sing by Little_Annie

art masterpost by doomcheese

[thisapplepielife]

Written for a @astrangersummer.

Set Sail on Your Ocean of Flavor

Week #6 Prompt: Ice Cream | Word Count: 2560 | Rating: T | POV: Chrissy | Characters: Chrissy, Eddie, Steve, Robin | Pairings: Platonic Stobin, Everything Else is Open to Interpretation (Steddie, Buckingham, Hellcheer, or Cheerscoops? Reader's Choice.) | CW: None | Tags: Pre-S3, Summer 1985, Scoops Ahoy, Chrissy's on a Break from Jason, Spontaneously Hanging Out, Different Crossing of Paths

Chrissy watches as one more tally is marked in the 'you suck' column, and she feels like maybe that's meant for her, too, not just Steve Harrington in his dumb little sailor hat. She dumped Jason, again, but knows it probably won't stick. It never does, and she's not even sure if she wants it to. She doesn't know what she wants, never has, and now she feels like maybe she never will.

Hence, the 'you suck' mentality that seems fitting tonight.

It's just that they've been together since freshman year, and well, she can't really imagine going into their last year without him. She isn't sure she even knows how to be just Chrissy anymore. She feels stagnant, and honestly, a little bit pigeonholed into these roles that have been selected for her: Jason's girlfriend. Cheer captain. Bubbly arm candy, expected to be full of pep all the damn time. Face plastered with a fake smile.

Tonight, she just wanted to turn off her brain for a few hours in the mindless bustle of the mall, and finding herself on the bench across from Scoops Ahoy, watching Robin Buckley endlessly needle Steve Harrington has been unexpectedly fun. People watching is always entertaining, but watching people you know, or at least, kind of know, is even better. 

For the last hour, she's been mulling over the idea that maybe she could get Steve Harrington to take her out, just to make Jason jealous. Steve's reputation isn't what it once was, no longer King Steve, no longer even in high school, but he's still nice enough to look at. Even if he seems bound and determined to make an ass out of himself with every girl that crosses his path in the ice cream shop. He looks desperate now, and that's a marked change. His status as top dog waned in the last year, and she knows that Jason thought, briefly, that he'd maybe be able to grab the reins, the crown, but instead there was Billy Hargrove, ready to fight, and Jason backed down, easily. 

If Jason wasn't gonna fight Steve for it, he certainly wasn't gonna try his luck against Billy.

Honestly, she'd always found it interesting that Steve never seemed to care all that much that his reign was over. There was no death gasp, no struggle to stay in charge. He walked away, and looked relieved to be out, honestly. 

She feels that. Might want it for herself. 

Maybe Steve Harrington could teach her how he did it, give her a peek behind the curtain of what happens after.

And if that makes Jason jealous, it'll be a bonus. Jason would probably still be threatened by the idea of the Harrington name. It still carries weight, even if Steve has fallen from the popular pedestal. 

The ice cream shop is empty now, nearing closing time, and if she's gonna do it, she's gotta do it now.

She starts to stand up, to test the waters to see if he even acts interested at all, when there's suddenly a commotion and falling and flailing and a jangle of metal as the guy she just fucking tripped crashes to the ground. Hard. 

He groans, and she immediately reaches for his arm, "I am so sorry! I didn't see you!"

He rolls over onto his back, and her eyes widen. Eddie Munson. Shit. Damnit. As if there could be a scarier guy for her to trip like a klutz, because he's gonna be in her class next year. She definitely wasn't looking to make an enemy out of him.

You don't want Eddie Munson's mouth pointed in your direction, unless you like to be screamed at from atop a lunch table, and Chrissy most definitely does not.

"Oh my god, are you oka-?" she starts to ask, but then Robin and Steve are both hovering over him, too.

"Man, that was a hit," Steve says, reaching down to grasp Eddie's hand, yanking him roughly to his feet, "Cunningham got you good. I wish I could see the security footage, because I bet it's a doozy."

"Thanks, Harrington," Eddie says dryly, back on his feet and brushing himself off. 

"I am really sorry," Chrissy stresses, and Eddie looks at her, and gives her a little smile.

"It's okay, I wasn't paying attention," Eddie says, his cheeks a little flushed, like he's embarrassed. She wasn't sure that was possible. Not from the same guy that stands on lunch tables, or the bleachers, or shimmies up onto the roof over the exterior walkway between school buildings, pacing, screaming down at everyone at the top of his lungs, at least once a week.

She's pretty sure he spends more time in detention, ISS or OSS than anyone else in the whole student body.

And he's gonna do it all again next year, with her class.

"Obviously you weren't paying attention," Robin snarks, and Chrissy laughs, relieved when Eddie does, too. Maybe he's not as mean and scary as she thought he was.

"Can I buy you some ice cream? To make up for it?" Chrissy offers, tucking her hair behind her ear, like he might tell her to fuck off.

And Eddie does look suspicious at her offer, even if it's totally sincere. She wants to apologize, and Steve and Robin are right here, ready to serve said ice cream, so it seems like the most logical solution for an apology.

"Gotta eat it quick," Steve says, "we close in five."

"And we got places to be," Robin adds.

"Together?" Eddie asks, looking between them, and Chrissy kind of does the same.

"Maybe," Robin says, "what's it to you?"

"Nothing, nothing at all, Buckley," Eddie answers, "I just didn't think Harrington was your type."

"And you know what my type is?" Robin asks, arching her eyebrow, a challenge.

"Pretty sure I do," he answers, scurrying along behind her, "and it's not Harrington."

"Hey!" Steve snaps, like this is the most offensive thing he's ever heard, "I'm a catch."

"Sure you are, Popeye," Robin says, and Chrissy smiles as she watches the three of them banter and volley back and forth, all the way back to the counter. 

Steve grabs the ice cream scoop, twirls it in his hand, and looks right at Eddie, "Alright. What'll it be?"

Eddie is looking down into the glass case, trying to make a decision, so Chrissy buys him some extra time, saying, "I'll take a scoop of peanut butter chocolate swirl." 

"Sounds good," Eddie chimes in, "make it two."

Maybe he can't read? Is that why he keeps flunking high school? Oh my god, no way. 

Steve scoops them up both cones, and hands them over, "There. Go forth. Set sail on your ocean of flavor. Goodnight."

She tries to hand Steve some money, and he just waves her off, closing up the ice cream freezers behind the counter.

"Well, Harrington, you've got me curious. Where are you two off to in such a rush?" Eddie asks, licking his cone, not budging from in front of the counter, and Chrissy notices that Steve's watching Eddie eat the ice cream intently, before his eyes slide back upwards.

Steve rolls his eyes, "If you must know, we're going to see Cocoon, and it starts in," and Steve looks at his watch, "nine and half minutes. So…" he trails off, making a shooing motion with both of his hands. Dismissing them. Chrissy can take the hint.

Eddie can't, apparently.

"The one about the old people? Maybe you should have given me the black walnut," Eddie says, pointing to the tag in front of him, "that seems more appropriate."

So, he can read, definitely, and she feels stupid for thinking he couldn't. She's seen him read, a lot, off in corners of the school, like a bear they'd all rather let lie than poke with a stick.

Steve just shakes his head, so Eddie keeps talking, "Isn't that the movie made by Opie? And you're gonna pay to see it?" Eddie asks, looking curious, tongue darting out to lick another stripe off the cone.

"Well, not exactly," Robin says, and Steve cuts her a look that Chrissy tries to decipher. "Can you keep a secret?"

"Yes," Chrissy says. 

"No," Eddie says at the same time. 

And they all laugh, which makes Eddie smile and it's a nice smile. Definitely not so scary, after all. He seems so normal, and it delights her for some reason. Like she's gotten to see behind the mask.

"Do you have anywhere to be?" Steve asks, looking between the both of them, and they both just shake their heads no. Because she doesn't, and now she's curious.

"Great," Steve says, as he pulls down the gate at the front of the store, locking everything up and turning off the lights, before he herds them towards the employees only break room, hidden behind the swinging door. 

"Wait here," Steve says, and then both him and Robin disappear, leaving her alone with Eddie Munson, eating ice cream, in the back of Scoops Ahoy. It's definitely an odd place to find herself, she must admit.

"Well, that was weird," Eddie says, "Harrington and Buckley. That's the unlikeliest duo I've ever seen."

"Is that so?" Chrissy asks, motioning between the two of them, and Eddie laughs, really laughs. 

"Okay. You just had to one up me," he says, smiling at her. "And after trying to kill me. I see how you are."

"I'm really sorry I tripped you, I didn't mean to," she says, taking a bite of her cone.

"I know. It's fine. I'm like a cat, nine lives and all that. Just didn't get the landing on my feet part," Eddie answers, and Steve comes banging through the doors, in his regular clothes. Robin follows, out of her sailor suit as well.

And Chrissy notices that she's funky. Her style, anyway, with her hair piled messily up on her head. It makes Chrissy feel a little uncool in her dress, which is crazy. Of the two of them, Chrissy knows she's definitely the one considered popular. But Robin Buckley? She looks cool in a way Chrissy knows she'll never be. In comparison, Chrissy feels like a child dressed for church, not a teen hanging out in the mall. Pretty, maybe, but not cool.

But Robin with her smudged eyeliner, rolled jeans and shoes she's written all over, is pretty and cool.

Chrissy can absolutely see why Steve Harrington would be interested in spending time with her, outside of work, looking like this. 

"Okay, you're done with those," Steve says, taking the cones from both of their hands, dropping them in the trash can, and they don't even have the time to argue, it's too abrupt and weird. 

But Steve wheels his arm around, motioning for them to hurry up, and they both get up and follow, like this is a normal thing to do. 

"We found this right after we started working here," Robin says, as Steve leads them up to a door off of the blank, white hallway.

"Follow me in with confidence, like you belong," Steve insists, and then he's gone, through the door, and they all follow. 

And it leads into the movie theater hallway. They're right inside, having bypassed the ticket booth. Holy shit. She's never done anything like this in her whole life, and it's a little bit thrilling. Sneaking around. She giggles, and Steve leads them to the right theater and they find an empty row.

"I didn't know you had it in you, Harrington," Eddie says, leaning over to talk to him over both her and Robin, like this is the weirdest double date in the world.

Honestly, she thinks if you'd thrown the name of every kid at Hawkins High in a hat, and drew names, she's not sure you could have come up with a weirder grouping than the four of them.

But here they are, and it's been kinda fun, honestly.

"There's lots of things you don't know about me, Munson," Steve retorts, and Robin laughs, "We need popcorn. I'll be right back."

And then he's gone, leaving the three of them that will all be seniors next year. She's nervous. Steve, she knows, just by running in the same circles. They both play sports, she's cheered for him since she was a freshman. He doesn't make her uncomfortable at all.

But these two? She's probably never said a word to either of them before tonight, and she's gone to school with Robin Buckley forever.

"So, class of '86," Chrissy says, and then feels embarrassed because that's kind of a dumb thing to say. 

"Yep," Robin answers.

"I don't know, I haven't decided if I'll stop with '86 or keep going. '87? '88? They might be better classes than yours. No reason to rush into this graduation year decision," Eddie says, and they both laugh.

"Most people don't shop around for those, you know?" Robin says. "You get what you get." 

"And you don't throw a fit," Chrissy adds, parroting the saying she's heard her entire childhood. 

There's no time for Eddie to banter back, because the lights dim, as the previews pop onto the screen, and the projectionist tracks it until it is centered. 

Steve comes back just in time, handing her and Robin both containers of popcorn. She says thanks, Robin doesn't. Chrissy tilts hers towards Eddie, and he takes a handful, and they all settle in for a movie she hadn't planned to see, with people she never could have imagined spending the evening with.

But it's fun. Eddie has running commentary, Steve keeps asking Robin stupid questions, getting her all riled up, and when the credits roll, Chrissy's a little sad it's over. 

Walking out of the mall, they all sort of linger for a second before going their separate ways. Robin grabs her bike from the rack, as Steve takes off across the parking lot towards his familiar car. Eddie follows her, and she realizes she isn't scared.

When they get to her car, he just holds her car door open for her, bowing dramatically before running off, hip-checking Steve on his way by, sending Steve off-balance. Chrissy smiles as Steve hollers something she couldn't hear after Eddie, and she keeps grinning as she tracks Eddie all the way to a van parked off by itself.

In the driver's seat of her own car, she follows both of the boys out of the lot. Steve turns on his blinker, and eases out, clearly planning to follow slowly behind Robin on her bike, and Chrissy thinks that's sweet, before Eddie barrels out from behind Steve, music blaring as he's zooming around Steve and Robin, leaving them with a friendly honk and a cloud of smoke.

She can see that they both wave at him, and she smiles to herself. Nobody would ever believe her if she told them who she spent her evening with, and especially not if she told them how much fun it had been.

She turns in the opposite direction, towards home, and takes one last look in the rearview mirror, wanting proof that this wonderfully weird night actually happened.

It did, it really did, and Chrissy smiles as they get smaller and smaller behind her, before disappearing totally into the darkness.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @astrangersummer and follow along with the fun! 🍨

[chaosgremlinmunson]

Brainrot bouncing in my head: so au edition of childhood stars Steven Harrington and Chrissy Cunningham coming back home to Hawkins Indiana after deciding to take a break from the spot light. Cue absolute mayhem when chaotic queer duo Eddie and Robin see their childhood crushes and immediately clock each other.

[penny00dreadful]

First Impressions - Complete

We're here! We did it! My Pride and Prejudice AU is finished! I've had such a good time writing this and I hope you've loved it as much as I have.

Here's a little snippet of the epilogue that can be read as a standalone: UNHINGED and chaotic shovel talks (all in good fun, no angst here) from Eddie and Robin.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 AO3

Eddie would never admit it to anyone but at the moment he was regretting his lack of athletic prowess. He’d done some pretty wild things in his youth but he’d never had the chance to scale the side of a house in order to climb through a bedroom window before and it was a struggle.

God damn it, his arms were so skinny. And his knees were close to giving out, his back was starting to hurt and he was gulping in air like a fish out of water, though it didn’t seem to be doing much. Would it have killed him to put on some muscle at any point prior to this?

Eddie tossed his bag up onto the flat roof in front of him, finally managing to pull himself over the ledge and immediately collapsing flat onto his back, leaving his legs dangling over and panting big heaving breaths out into the evening.

God he was super out of shape, he needed to quit smoking. The sky was a dusty pink and orange above of him, completely indifferent to his struggle to breathe. Steve and Robin would be home from work soon, he needed to get up. He needed to prepare.

The sound of car doors slamming below brought him swiftly back to the present. Shit. Okay well, they usually started dinner once they got back in so he still had time.

“Hey degenerate.”

Eddie jerked in surprise as a voice called out to him from behind. Twisting his head around he saw Max leaning out her bedroom window with her chin in her hand.

“You’ve got the wrong roof.” 

He shook his head, still breathing hard. “No, it’s the right roof.”

“The fuck it is if you think you’re sneaking into my room-”

“God no, don’t flatter yourself.” He groaned, finally dragging his legs over the edge and getting to his feet. “This is the right roof, Steve and Robin don’t have a ledge under their windows and the other roof is a much more difficult climb. This is my best option. I’m going in through the guest room.”

“You should’ve gone around to the other corner, there’s more footholds along that pipe.” She pointed.

“And how would an innocent young lady such as yourself know that?”

With almost perfect timing a second bag was thrown onto the roof before Lucas popped into view, pulling himself up with far more strength and grace than Eddie had managed.

Lucas froze to a dead stop at the sight of him, his eyes darting wide and panicked between him and Max. Eddie turned back to look at Max who just shrugged. Lucas’ shoulders dropped minutely once it became obvious Eddie wasn’t going to scream at him or throw him off the roof.

“Why are you up here?” Lucas asked, looking like a cornered animal. “Why didn’t you use the front door?”

“Why didn’t you use the front door?” Eddie challenged. “Steve knows about the two of you. You’ve kissed in front of him. I had to hear all about it, he was traumatised.”

A blush was steadily darkening Lucas’ cheeks and his eyes had gotten wider before he gave Max a panicked glance.

Max for her part looked completely unbothered until she caught sight of Lucas’ distress, her face breaking into a wide, evil grin.

“I dunno, Eddie.” She sighed, putting on her best dramatic interpretation of a wistful woman. “But there’s just something so thrilling about your boyfriend sneaking into your room in the middle of the night, don’t you think?”

Eddie’s mouth pulled into a frown. “Ugh. And it’s not even night time, it’s evening.”

Max glanced back to Lucas before looking Eddie dead in the eye. “That’s okay. We can just play pretend.”

“Okay, I’m gone.” Eddie snatched up his bag and hurried over to the guest room window. “I need to go bleach my brain or drown myself or something.” He yanked the window open. “I’ll send you my therapy bills.” He clambered inside before sticking his head back out again. Lucas still had not moved, staring at him with a mixture of embarrassment and fear. “Don’t tell anyone I'm here and I won't tell anyone what I just saw."

“Why are you here?” Max asked, leaning nearly halfway out of her window to keep looking at him.

“Mind your own business, Red.” Eddie said, closing the shutter to punctuate his statement and shuddering violently. If he wasn’t in the middle of something right now, he’d get as high as humanly possible to wash out whatever kind of role play he’d just unwittingly interrupted, hopefully forgetting it forever.

Still, he didn’t have much time left, he needed to set this up before one of them came upstairs. Eddie cracked the guest bedroom door open, peeking out into the dimly lit hallway, looking up and down like he was breaking into the Louvre and not Steve’s house, which he knew intimately enough at this stage to avoid the creaky floorboards.

He had Shirley Bassey's Goldfinger playing on a loop in his brain and he didn’t know if it was a help or a hindrance.

Slipping out and closing the guest room door softly behind him, Eddie crossed the hallway and slowly, painfully slowly, he opened the bedroom door. The room was nearly dark, the sun was on the opposite side of the house and in just a few minutes it would be plunged into complete blackness, perfect.

He kept the door cracked while he set up the room so he could see without turning on the light, removing language books from the swivelling chair and setting them down on the desk. There was a table lamp with a flick switch that he pulled closer to him. He’d have preferred a pull switch for the drama but it would have to do.

Situating the chair so the back of it was to the door, he pulled the final touch from his bag.

Chrissy’s pink stuffed whale.

Just as he tucked his bag out of sight he heard the telltale creak of the first step on the stairs. 

Eddie shot to his feet and tried to close the bedroom door as quietly as possible. He nearly tripped over what must have been an empty trumpet case when he made his way back to the chair, swivelling around so his back was to the door again and put the whale on his lap, waiting in the darkness of the room.

When the handle jiggled he took a deep breath to steady himself and placed a hand lightly on the switch for the lamp.

A second after the door swung open he spoke.

“Evening, Buckley.” Eddie said in his lowest voice, the one he always adopted for his villains or… certain activities with Steve and switched the table lamp on as Robin screeched out in shock.

He swung around in the chair until he was facing her, the picture of nonchalance, one leg crossed tightly over the other and gently petting the stuffed whale like a cat.

“What- what the fuck, Eddie?!” She clutched at her chest, half collapsed back against the wall.

“We’re gonna have a conversation.” He growled, trying to sound as over the top evil as possible.

“So call on the phone like a normal person!”

“Sorry babes.” He shrugged, attempting to bore into her soul with his eyes. “This is something that needs to happen face to face.”

“Jesus Christ.” Robin rolled her eyes, running a hand through her hair and Eddie maybe felt a little bad. “Okay, well I’m changing into my pyjamas so you’re gonna have to deal with that.”

He waved a hand at her just as she stripped off her top, leaving her standing in her bra.

He allowed the silence to stretch for dramatic effect, stroking over the whale again. Maybe he should have brought a monocle. 

“Chrissy is very special to me-”

She snorted, popping the button in her jeans. “Oh, that’s what this is?”

Eddie glared up at her, his voice falling back to its normal tone. “Do you mind? I’m trying to do a bit here.”

“Rob, are you okay? I heard a scream- Eddie?”

Steve turned into the doorway and stopped dead, blinking at the scene before him. Robin in just her bra with her jeans open and Eddie sitting in her desk chair like some kind of voyeur with a large pink stuffed whale in his lap.

“Hello precious.” Eddie smiled at him bright and warm, his menacing character completely gone.

“Do I want to know what’s going on here?”

“I’m being threatened.” Robin wiggled her way out of her jeans.

“I want to preserve your innocence, Stevie. This doesn’t involve you. She’ll be down in a few minutes.”

Steve looked back and forth between the two of them as Robin reached behind her to unclasp her bra. Steve abruptly turned his back and Eddie covered his eyes with the whale.

“Rob, what the fuck?”

“Robin!”

“Oh, now you’re uncomfortable? You broke into my room, Munson, you deal with the consequences.”

“Okay,” Steve said, throwing his hands up and already walking away. “I’m going back downstairs and away from whatever the fuck this is. Dinner's nearly ready.”

“Make it snappy Eddie.” Robin pulled the whale down and made a ‘speed it up’ gesture at him, now clothed in a loose shirt and pyjama pants. “I’m hungry.”

“Give me a second.” He placed the whale back on his lap and rolled his shoulders. “I need to get back into character.”

He allowed his face and posture to melt back into something casual but evil. “Chrissy is one of the most important people in my life, and if you hurt her, I’m afraid it’s not going to end well for you.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m going to have to fight you.”

“Oooohhh.” Robin fake cowered. “To the death?”

Eddie’s grin split wide into a huge satisfied smile. 

Perfect. 

Right into his trap.

“No.” He growled softly. “To the pain.”

“Oh my god. Is there going to be a dance break in the middle of this production, Dread Pirate Roberts?”

“I’ll have you know I’m a triple threat.” He huffed, snaking his head, trying to keep his character in the forefront of his mind. “No. To the pain.” He repeated, waving his hand at Robin as if to say ‘come on’.

Robin rolled her eyes but there was a smile tugging at her lips.

“I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.” She recited, mimicking an English accent.

Eddie sighed. “I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.”

She raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth in offence. “That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.”

“It won't be the last.” Eddie continued to stroke the whale like it was a cat. “To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.”

Robin got to her feet, waving an imaginary sword in his face. “And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.” She lunged for him before he held a hand out, stopping her.

“I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.”

She hung her head back in mock exasperation. “And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it!”

“WRONG.” Eddie cried, jumping to his feet and pointing at her. “Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why-”

“Food!” Steve’s voice called from the end of the stairs.

“Thank god.” Robin groaned. “Not that I didn’t love this production Eddie, though I’m sad there were no tap shoes involved, my stomach is literally eating me from the inside out. Are you coming? We made chicken enchiladas.”

“Oh, fuck yeah.” He dumped the whale on her desk chair and followed her downstairs.

Once he’d made his way into the kitchen he latched onto Steve’s back, holding tight to him while he tried to finish plating up their dinner.

“Mmm.” Eddie hummed with his lips pressed against the back of Steve’s neck. “Smells so good.”

“Ed’s, please. I’m in the middle of something. Go sit down.” Steve was trying his very best to sound irritated but his voice was coming out too soft, leaning his head back so it rested on Eddie’s shoulder.

Eddie lifted his hands from Steve’s stomach, grabbing a fistful of pec in each hand and squeezing as he pressed a long slow kiss to Steve’s cheek.

“Honk.” He whispered, squeezing again and causing Steve to break away from him with an involuntary laugh, bright and loud and his favourite thing.

“Oh my god, you’re the most irritating person. Go. Leave me finish this in peace.”

Eddie unwound himself from around Steve with a smile and seated himself next to Robin.

“Are you the two of you going to explain what happened upstairs?” Steve asked, setting the plates down in front of them.

“I told you. Eddie was threatening my life.”

“Uh, excuse me. No I wasn’t.” He turned back to Steve. “I was threatening to mutilate her.”

“Right.”

“Yeah, it was this whole production.” Robin spoke through a mouthful of food. “He made me recite lines.”

“You loved it.”

“I think you could have done with a monocle.”

Eddie snapped his fingers. “I knew it!”

“Are you two in a play I don’t know about?”

“No, it was Chrissy’s shovel talk.”

“Ah.” Steve nodded before turning to Robin. “So what are you planning for mine then?”

“I need a plan? I figured I’d just threaten to cut all of his hair off.”

“Oh no. Robin, you will not be outdone with this. He brought a prop. It needs to be a thing.”

“And I already did ‘campy villain’ so you can’t do that either.”

“God damn it, well now you’ve issued me a challenge. How far can I go?”

“Go as far as you need to. Scare me. Make me feel like I’m being stalked by a serial killer or something, I don’t know. Just don’t touch my hair. Or actually kill me.”

“Oh come on now Eds. You can’t take all her fun.”

Eddie shrugged. “Sorry. I draw the line at my own death.”

“Party pooper.”

~x~X~x~

Eddie was just about ready to tear his hair out. One thing that he fucking hated about being a manager now was all the goddamned paperwork that was involved. All he wanted to do was go home and wolf down whatever magnificent feast Chrissy and Steve had decided to experiment with today.

Sometimes it weirded him out a little just how similar they were. The two of them loved sports and exercised for fun, which both he and Robin just stared on in bewilderment and a little bit of lust whenever it happened. They both came from controlling mothers and emotionally absent fathers. They both had spent most of their lives being forced into a mould that would fit their parents ‘upper-middle class perfect image’ sensibilities that neither he nor Robin had ever had to deal with. 

They had both been the most popular person of their respective years in high school, the King and Queen respectively, before shedding all of that with the help of a weird soulmate and a healthy dose of trauma. 

They both stared on with empty eyes as he and Robin got into yet another ‘debate’ about whether music theory was necessary to the art form, or what made camp cinema camp or whether Lord Douglas fucked over Wilde.

Then when Steve started cooking more and more in their apartment, Chrissy latched onto a new joint interest between the two of them easily. Eddie was sure he’d never eaten better in his life before.

So heading home and falling face first into a plate of whatever they’d whipped up tonight was something he just could get his mind off of. He only had a half an hour left anyway.

Fuck it, this paperwork could wait until tomorrow, he could spend the last bit of his shift out in front where it was slightly easier to waste his time.

Pushing his way out of the office door he was surprised to see Robin sitting at the bar, he had expected her to already be at the apartment.

“Robbie, my dear. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I’m bored.” She said, slumped over the counter, placing her cheek in her hand. “And I have a question.”

Eddie mirrored her position. “Okay, shoot.”

“Can I have a drink first?”

“Is that your question?” He smiled at her while she pouted.

“Obviously not.”

“Alright.” Eddie straightened up and stretched, his back was starting to act up from all those hours sitting on an uncomfortable office chair. “What can I get you? The usual?”

“I don’t know if I should feel good about having a usual at my second favourite alcohol dispensary of choice. But sure, the usual.”

“Second favourite?” Eddie scoffed, turning to pull the bottles down for her Tequila Sunrise. “What illustrious dispensary could possibly compete with our nicotine stained and beer lacquered majesty?”

“My own home. It’s less sticky there.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yes.” Robin hissed. “Steve is very clean. And don’t make some kind of gross sex joke about the stickyness, I know you were about to.”

Eddie clamped his mouth shut and slid her drink across the counter to her. “I would have done no such thing.”

“Uh-huh, sure.” She took a long sip through her straw, shuddering a little at the alcohol. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

“You ever met Gabriel Buckley?” 

Eddie blinked across at her. That was her question? “Uh… no. The name doesn’t ring a bell.”

Robin nodded. “You’ve never come across him in any particular bars or clubs in the city?”

“Can’t say I’ve had the chance to frequent them much anymore.”

Robin seemed surprised by that. “You and Steve don’t go?”

Eddie shrugged. “He’s full time at the daycare now and I’m working on my trilogy so we’ve become a bit of an old married couple.”

“Sucks for you guys.”

“Not really. We’re happy.” He smiled across at her as she rolled her eyes.

“Don’t be getting all gooey on me now, you’ll make me lose my train of thought.”

“Sorry.” He said, not sounding sorry at all.

“Well anyway, Uncle Gabe was the first person in my family I came out to. He took me under his wing and all but adopted Steve too. He introduced us to the queer scene in the city. He does drag up there and we went to a few shows, had the time of our lives honestly and he’s actually pretty well known. Or his drag persona is at least.” Robin smiled to herself but her face suddenly became contemplative, almost hard. “You know how hostile the world is towards drag queens, right? He’s been shot at in the street before but it’s never fazed him, he’s a real hard ass. A survivor. And he’s endlessly loyal to his people. Hardly blinks at things that would turn regular people’s stomachs.”

Eddie nodded at her a little wide eyed, trying to figure out just where this was going. Robin set her gaze on him again and he nearly recoiled at how intense it was, like she was bearing huge sharp and fierce teeth and he had the sudden urge to run or to play dead. His whole body felt chilled.

“Do you know how to get rid of a body?”

“I-” he swallowed involuntarily. “I have some theories, I suppose. Doesn’t everyone?”

“Theories.” She laughed, cold and dismissive. “Cute. I do. I know how. Barrel. Drain cleaner. Maybe fire. But that’s an awful lot of effort, right? Lucky for me, my favourite Uncle Gabe works for Hawkins Crematorium.”

She took another sip of her drink, letting the silence permeate between them. “I mean it’s insane,” she emphasised with a sharp hiss, “the body doesn’t even need to be dead to be fed into the furnace. Just… incapacitated. I suppose it depends on what your favourite method is. Like take for instance if you have someone who sleeps like the dead. You could bind and gag that person easily.”

Robin sent a pointed look his way and he suddenly remembered with startling clarity the morning he’d woken up with his bandana tied around his wrist. He’d been so confused, he hadn’t remembered doing it the night before and it had been one of the few nights recently he’d slept alone. Steve had been busy with a bake sale at the day care and hadn’t come over and Robin and Chrissy were staying overnight after a city date night. How had she… how could she have-

“Another example.” She cut through his thoughts, nearly making him jump. “Sloppy eaters. They don’t pay much attention to what they put in their body. They just wolf anything down as long as it looks halfway edible. Or they can’t function without their morning coffee, even if it does taste a little… off.”

Oh Jesus H. Christ. Robin had turned up at the apartment more than once with his coffee order first thing in the morning and while it didn’t always taste wrong, occasionally there’d be something strange about it. Not exactly a bad taste, but weirdly different. He’d still knocked it back carelessly while she’d watched.

“And afterwards, when the body is nothing more than dust you could just… flush ‘em down the toilet. And no one would ever know what happened. I can only imagine Uncle Gabe would be more than happy to help his favourite niece and her best friend if someone needed taking care of.” Robin folded her arms on the bar in front of her.

“Fucking hell, Robin.”

“What?” She asked, the spell of her cold and menacing figure immediately broken as she looked at him curiously. “These are just hypotheticals, silly.”

“I suppose I did ask for this.”

“Exactly. Come on.” Robin lowered her voice again, pinning him with her stare. “Let me walk you home.”

“Stop it!”

“Don’t hurt my soulmate and you have nothing to worry about.”

Eddie unwrapped his apron from around his waist and waved goodbye to Lionel.

“Never on purpose.”

“Oh no, you’re not getting away that easy. Don’t do it by accident either.”

“I’ll try my best but sometimes I can be a bit of a dumbass.”

“At least you’re self aware.”

Their conversation flowed easily between the two of them on the way home like it always did, but when he pushed his way into his apartment he immediately broke away from her. Eddie threw himself into Steve’s arms who had barely enough time to turn and catch him with a shout of surprise, stumbling back into the kitchen cabinets.

“She’s so scary, Stevie. She threatened to kill me and flush me down the toilet.” He mumbled into Steve’s neck, holding on for dear life.

“Did you go full serial killer on him?” Steve asked, trying to brush some of Eddie’s hair out of his face while the other arm held him tight and close.

“I gave him what he asked for.” Over Steve’s shoulder he could see Robin wrap her arms around Chrissy from behind, hooking her chin over her shoulder.

“She’s crazy.” Eddie whispered into Steve’s ear. “Baby, she’s trying to kill me.”

“What’s going on?” Chrissy asked, looking between the three of them.

“Shovel talks.” They all answered at the same time.

“Oh.”

Eddie pulled back just enough to free his face, still pressed flush against Steve from chest to hip, a firm arm around his waist. “Have you two been doing the same?”

Chrissy and Steve glanced towards each other for a second before looking away.

“We’ve discussed it amongst ourselves.”

“You don’t need to worry about it.”

“Wait.” Eddie and Robin looked at each other. “What does that mean?”

“What did you discuss?”

“Never you mind.” Steve pinched Eddie on the ass, out of sight of the other two. “Dinner’s up.” He pulled away, starting to plate up the food.

“No, you can’t leave it there.”

“That was so cryptic, you have to tell us.”

“Yeah, tell us.”

“Tell us.”

“Tell us.”

“Tell us.”

“Tell us.”

“I regret ever introducing the two of you.” Steve sighed like the most put upon mother in the world.

“They’re the worst, aren’t they?” Chrissy agreed, helping to set the table while Eddie and Robin buzzed around them like annoying bees.

“Robin, are you hearing this?”

“They don’t appreciate us, Eddie.”

“Why don't you two run away and get married if you prefer each other so much?” Eddie asked petulantly, crossing his arms.

Chrissy and Steve looked at each other for a moment before Steve put his arm around Chrissy’s shoulders. “Maybe we will.”

Chrissy for her part, wound her arm around his waist. Together they looked like a picture perfect couple, a white picket fence practically manifesting behind them, like a middle page spread of Good Housekeeping. “That'll leave the two of you for each other.” She said. “Feral cats, a match made in heaven.”

Robin and Eddie looked at each other and simultaneously scrunched their noses in disgust and then offence.

“Fuck you Buckley. I'd make you a fantastic wife.” Eddie poked her hard in the shoulder before she smacked his hand away with a scowl.

“I'd be an even better husband,” she tugged hard on a lock of his hair, “just watch me!”

Eddie was gearing up to tackle Robin and engage in some kind of childish slap fight. They’d both more than likely end up hurting themselves more than each other in the tussle but before he could start, the plates were set down on the tables with a thud.

“Are you two going to sit down to dinner or not?”

Chapter continues on AO3

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

[strangersatellites]

give me eddie who calls everyone pet names so casually that the reason steve gets tipped off about eddie’s Thing For Him is because he just calls him steve.

i’m talking calling robin sugar, and chrissy princess, and any of the kids big guy or my man.

but eddie is so hyperaware of His Feelings and the fact that he already let one ‘big boy’ slip that he overcorrects and only ever addresses steve by his government name.

steve is jealous at first but the way eddie’s eyes always go a little crazy and he’s constantly clearing his throat before he addresses steve kind of show his hand.

steve’s not too worried after that.

[cheer-nympho]

Imagine Eddie and Chrissy accidentally running into each other while spying on scoops,

Eddie sat on a bench behind a shrubbery looking through but he spots Chrissy doing the same across the court- they stare at each other for what feels like the longest few seconds of all time, shocked and baffled, before Eddie ducks and stealth runs to her bench,

Just sitting next to her and loudly whispering “What are you doing?!”

“What am I doing? What are you doing!”

“Well, I was just..-“ They hear a giggle from scoops and both duck under the plant and look through the gaps again. Immediately they turn back on each other with their fingers raised “You’re spying!” They both whisper at the same time before looking around to check no one heard,

Eddie puts his arm around her to duck her down away from the stores view and from anyone looking over- because their duo is bound to turn heads even without the whole hiding in foliage thing.

“Okay okay, we’re both spying on scoops. Now I’m sure neither of us are here for the overpriced sundaes, so what are you looking at PomPom?”

“PomPom?”

“Codename, keep up.”

“I’ll tell you if you tell me.”

“Well I’ll tell you if you tell me…”

“Well I’ll…Eddie this is silly!”

“Okay fine! So we’re both spying on scoops. Neither of us are here with our friends…we’re being secretive instead of just going in…we’re both 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 why we’re here. Chrissy, U think we’re here for similar reasons, I think there’s a reason we don’t wanna tell each other.”

“But what if- What if it not the same reason? What if you…freak out or get spooked?”

“How about this, if I promise not to be annoyed by what you say- you promise the same back?” She looks around the food court a few times before looking back at him determined and nodding.

“Okay, 3, 2, 1”

Then at the same time…

��I was spying on Robin!” / “I was checking out Steve!”

Followed by

“The hair Harrington?!” / “From band?!”

Chrissy levels him with an unimpressed look, to which Eddie sheepishly removes his arm from hers. “Okay fair, mine is weirder.”

Cut to Eddie having a clever (read: incredibly dumb) plan of going in together so they can talk to Robin and Steve without ‘arousing suspicion’ Chrissy finds herself full of new confidence so doesn’t feel like pointing out that it was more subtle if they just went in alone.

[narelyy]

The "fuck the athletes" bf

The "please do" bf

[undreaming-fanfiction]

What if Steve is a famous model and Eddie is a rockstar, both still pretty down to earth that they move around without bodyguards...

They bump into each other at a corner, and literally bump into each other - Steve somehow lost his contact lenses and he's half-blind without them, his agent Robin is traveling, he'd rather lose both of his eyes than to call his parents, and so he's trying to get to a pharmacy/optometrist/somewhere else just based on memory and touch.

Eddie is walking, not paying much attention and listening to music, when he's knocked back by a very apologetic squinting guy who might as well be very pretty, if he looked straight at Eddie - which is very much not possible, as Steve later explains, Eddie is a very blurry blob to him, although a very kind blob. Also a really nice sounding blob.

When Eddie collects his things and his heart off the streetwalk, he offers to walk Steve to the pharmacy. After asking if it's okay, he offers Steve his arm and leads him carefully to his destination. Steve is still mostly staring at the ground, trying to fight blurry nausea, so Eddie doesn't really know what he looks like, except that his hair is magnificent.

They reach the pharmacy, Steve is so thankful that he wants to invite Eddie for coffee, but before he can do that, Eddie receives an urgent call from his agent and needs to leave.

They both - not without a tinge sadness - think they won't see each other again.

Except the next day there's a wave of tabloid headlines: "CORRODED COFFIN'S EDDIE MUNSON FINALLY SETTLES DOWN?! THE ROCKSTAR SEEN WITH REDKEN'S MODEL STEVE HARRINGTON!" and there are pictures of Steve and Eddie, side by side, and it really looks like a romantic walk rather than what it was.

When Eddie's agent Chrissy calls, half-amused, half-concerned, Eddie stops her with a single sentence: "Can you get me his number?!"

Chrissy snorts in the phone. "Give me an hour."

It takes her 33 minutes in total, and she secures a date with Robin for herself as a bonus.

And as for Eddie? He opens his message with "Hey Steve, how come you never told me it was a date? I would have brought flowers!" and gets an immediate response of "You would have, huh? Then bring some today at seven, the pizzeria next to the pharmacy. I like sunflowers. See you there, Eddie. And this time, I mean really see you."

The "see you" jokes stay with them for the rest of their lives.

[munsonology]

Albinwhisperland and and her wife are so precious! They went to a friends wedding and the vibes are heavily rockstar!eddie and hyper fem reader and Robin and Chrissy 😭

[stevieschrodinger]

Eddie cries out in pain, “ah shitting fuck!” he yells across the bay, reflexively pushing off with a booted foot so his stool rolls away from the danger, his hurt fingers shoved unceremoniously in his mouth to nurse away the sting.

“Whatsit?” Robin sits up in her bunk, fluff of hair sticking up at all angles.

“Nothing. Nothing, sorry, fucking thing shocked me, go back to sleep.”

“Timesit?”

“I dunno,” Eddie looks around vaguely, looking across the untidy bank of tools and control panels he squints at the nearest monitor, “one ish.”

Robin humphs. Rubs at her eyes. Then just, sits for a bit, staring at nothing. “Want a hot drink?” She ends up volunteering, sticking her bare legs out from under the covers and sliding out from her bunk. She pulls on her dungarees from where they were abandoned on the floor.

“You ask me that like we have options,” Eddie peers down at his latest project, sliding a viewer over his mask to get a closer look. The numbers flashing in the peripheral vision make absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever.

Robin yawns, forcing her feet into her boots, the laces loose and scraggly, “sounds better than ‘would you like caffeine reconstituted from the caffeine you pissed out yesterday’, though, right?” It’s a much trodden route, this conversation, one they have most days. It’s familiar, comforting. Shores them up for the long journey. Eddie hums but doesn’t answer, “where’s Chris?”

“Cockpit, said something about checking The Belt again.”

Robin mumbles something about Chrissy’s constant paranoia when it comes to crossing The Belt, but leaves to get them their drinks. Eddie gets it though, they all have their things. Their little routines, their charms, their talismans their...things. Things that get them through. The asteroid belt doesn’t change unless someone changes it, all those little rocks floating around on their reliable courses until...something nudges one. It’s a domino effect then, and crossing the belt is hazardous enough without outside forces fucking it up.

It wasn’t a problem until Mars, the catastrophic failure of the Synthetics, and the war that humanity very squarely lost. There had been laws before, the mining companies who were scalping the belt had a million feet of red tape to get through to make sure they weren't affecting shipping lanes and yada yada yada.

Now. The Synths do whatever the fuck they like, and it’s not like they're ever going to inform humanity of where they’re drilling.

So, Eddie tinkers, Chrissy checks the belt, and Robin bitches at both of them.

“So...what do you think he is?” Robin swivels around uselessly in the chair next to him.

“Sex bot, definitely.”

Robin snorts a laugh, “got a big dick huh?”

“He is very...anatomically correct,” Eddie closes the hatch, tugs carefully at the synths hair until he finds the next panel along, unhitches it with his home brew magnet arrangement. Not how you’re supposed to do it, but Synth construction companies don’t exactly share their tech.

“You sure it’s okay? Bringing him on board?”

Eddie hums vaguely, “no idea what model he is exactly, but the wreckage was old Robs. Pre One old, plus the Mars Synths never go further than the belt, they don’t have a reason to. Depending on how long he’s been floating about...I mean it’s unlikely, is what I’m saying.”

Eddie tries a different connection, moving carefully, the work very fine and delicate, he follows the numbers on his display. The connection slithers tight when it catches, and there’s the very, very slightest hum of a power up. In the corner of Eddie’s vision, the numbers all flash green.

On the table, the Synths eyes open. The iris goes from large to small, pupils go from wide and black to a pinprick, before it relaxes to something resembling normal. Hazel iris’, Eddie can’t help but notice, strange color, for a Synth, not one Eddie’s ever seen before. Green speckled with brown and gold. Really pretty, and far more detail than Eddie’s ever seen in one of these before. Especially for a sex bot model, if that’s what he is.

The Synth blinks four times in quick succession, indicating a hard reboot, his iris’ are now white with a fine blue ring, the beautiful hazel gone.

The eyes close, and the numbers go all haywire. Flashing yellow and red. Eddie watches as the numbers tell him the Synth has powered off again.

“Did it work?” Robin peers over his shoulder.

“No,” Eddie rolls over to his work station, goes over the scans again, “but I don’t know why. He definitely booted that time, but there’s damage that either I can’t find or...it’s too complex for me. It’s hitting a step and then won’t go any further.”

“So it’s software right? Not hardware?”

“Yeah. Pretty sure you’re right. There’s something there, some...thing that keeps failing the boot. Something in memory maybe. I just,” Eddie sighs a little helplessly, “I dunno, you know?”

“Can’t you switch it off?”

Eddie scoffs, “what, his memory?”

“Yeah? I mean, if he’s a house bot, he’ll forget how to change a diaper and make a Martini, if he’s a worker he’ll forget how to fucking,” she gestures helplessly, “wire in lights, or whatever the fuck they have them doing. Plowing fields, I don’t know. And if he’s a sex bot, he’ll forget about the twenty thousand vaginas he’s probably licked. Does it matter?”

“I...I could try it.” Eddie frowns, thinking it through, “I mean, the base programming is unavoidable, it’ll apply no matter what but...I don’t know exactly how that’ll leave him.”

She shrugs, “then just, turn him off, if the basics are there then the kill switch is there, right? The laws?”

“Yeah, that stuffs hardwired, there’s no bypassing it. Well,” Eddie gestures vaguely, “except for One.”

Robin nods, “except for One.” She agrees.

They both sit quietly for a moment, contemplating the disaster on Mars. The loss of life, even though it happened before either of them were born, it’s left a stark shadow on all of society. All of history.

Eddie slaps his thighs decisively, breaking their reverie, “I’m going to try it.”

Eddie gets his tools.

“We’re probably meeting him for the first time,” Robin tells Chrissy, as Chrissy fixes her hair for her, “we should make a good impression.”

“I don’t think they have opinions babe,” Chrissy tells her gently, licking her thumb and then using it to rub a scuff off Robins cheek.

“You can’t know that for sure. I bet they judge us. Silently. Plus I’ve never met one before, I’ve seen them working loads, you know, on Earth, but I’ve never...spoken to one. Not properly.”

“My parents had a house model, when I was little,” Chrissy volunteers, “she was really nice. Mostly she did all the chores and meals and stuff. Ordered the groceries. She was so good at Mahjong.”

“Huh. Do you think this guy will play Rummy with us? It’s better with four.”

“You’re cute,” Chrissy tells her, before kissing the tip of her nose, “should we have a countdown?” She asks, turning her attention to Eddie.

“Only if you’re willing to do it more than once if this doesn’t work?”

Chrissy wrinkles her nose, “probably not?”

Eddie shrugs, flips his visor screen down, and hopes for the best.

The Synths eyes whirl, that same, beautiful, sparkling hazel. Four quick blinks, and by the end, the iris has cleared to white, highlighted by the same stark blue ring.

The Synth sits up, the sheet Eddie had been using, partly so he wasn't staring at the things dick, and partly to keep it clean, falls and pools around the Synths middle.

There are another set of blinks. Then another. A jerky motion passes through the Synths body; every joint twitching, the head whipping side to side suddenly, sharp movements that look like a full body seizure. And then the whole thing happens again in reverse, from the toes up. The table rattles and shakes.

“The fuck was that,” Robin asks quietly in the ensuing, oppressive, silence.

“Movement test...I’ve never actually seen it before. It’s checking every system right now, might take a couple of minutes.”

“He’s got good hair,” Chrissy volunteers.

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees absently, “but if you’re designing a person, why not make them prefect, right?”

The Synths skin had been pale alabaster white, but a wave of color moves up his body now, a tanned skin tone with some color in his cheeks. Other than sitting absolutely, completely still, it looks human. Looks normal.

It even has a couple of moles dotted about, which is a nice design choice, Eddie thinks. It’s high on the details; meaning it’s a high end Synth.

This guy was most certainly not plowing fields.

You wouldn’t be able to tell he wasn’t human, apart from the eyes, unless you really knew what you were looking for. The hair follicles often give them away, if you can get close enough to inspect them; not with this dude.

The Synth blinks four times. Another four. Another four. It keeps doing it, otherwise completely unmoving.

“Now what?”

“It’s waiting for instruction,” Eddie moves closer, “uhm. Edward Munson. I am your new owner, Edward Munson?” The Synth doesn’t respond, and Eddie scrambles for his data pad, “the instruction varies by manufacturer, I am your new handler? Oh shit wait, fuck. Uhm. Interface English.” The blinking stops, “I knew I was missing a step, I am your owner, Edward Munson.”

Very quietly, the Synth responds, “confirmed.”

“Volume up four. What is your designation?”

“Designation S T Three Five Three,” the Synth answers at a more normal volume.

“Well...you can call me Eddie, and this is Chrissy and Robin.”

The Synth finally moves, the sheet sliding off as he stands up, “wow,” says Chrissy, and Robin covers her eyes.

“Man, I gotta find you some pants,” Eddie tells the Synth.

“We need something better than S T Three Five Three,” Eddie tells the synth as he digs through a storage bin. He finds a jumpsuit that will probably fit. It’s supposed to be worn under a spacesuit, for when they need to do work outside, but Eddie figures the Synth won’t care.

“You are able to assign me a new designation at will.”

Eddie holds up the offensively orange material, “put this on.”

The synth complies without question, and Eddie finds him a pair of socks. The Synth can’t feel fuck all, or at least, it's sensors probably register the temperature and hardness of the floor, but that doesn't mean it feels anything. They don’t have any shoes that will fit him, but something about the sight of his bare feet on the cold metal floor is offensive to Eddie, “space walk socks will have to do.”

Eddie watches as the synth simply stands on one leg, balance inhuman, not even a wobble and he gracefully pulls on one sock and then the other before standing tall again, “how about Steve? That’s pretty close, if we Roman numeral the five. Plus, you kind of look like a Steve. What do you think?”

“I have no opinion. Designation changed to Steve.”

“Right. And how are you feeling?”

Steve’s pupils dilate, the fine blue ring twisting, becoming narrow, before returning to normal. “Systems optimal. Memory error; cause unknown. Water levels approaching critical.”

“Oh you are a joy aren’t you?”

“I am uncertain as to perimeters pertaining to ‘Joy’, possible memory error.”

Eddie sighs, “just follow me, I’ll show you were the water supply is. Actually you know what, I’ll give you the whole tour.”

Eddie stands in the doorway, watching as Steve drinks. And drinks. And drinks some more. Eddie thinks he stops at around four liters.

“Better?”

“Tank level at approximately ninety eight percent capacity.”

“And how long will that last you?”

“Activity dependent. Up to six hundred years at minimal activity. Two weeks under extreme duress.”

Eddie has no idea what a Synth would class as ‘extreme duress’ and he probably doesn’t want to know, “uh hu, and you don’t know what your roll was, right?”

“Information unavailable.”

Eddie sighs, “come on, I’ll show you around.”

Steve follows faithfully, inspecting everything Eddie shows him.

“He’s creepy,” Chrissy hisses.

Eddie sighs, “no, he isn’t.”

“Where is he?”

“He’s cleaning, I think. I had to give him something to do otherwise he just stares at me.”

“Creepy,” she says again, like that’s evidence.

“No, he just waits for instruction, it isn’t his fault, he doesn’t have access to any of his memories.”

“I like him,” Robin says, “he’s got a kind vibe. Like, I think he’s a good soul.”

“Pretty sure Synths don’t have souls,” Eddie tells her absently.

“You see the good in pretty much everything babe,” Chrissy links their fingers together affectionately.

Robin shrugs, “better than thinking everything is shitty,” Robin leans over Eddie’s shoulder, “what are you doing?”

“Synth manufacturers classify them by eye color. I’m just...looking. Different companies use different color codes but there’s a lot of overlap; look,” Eddie brings up multiple lists, “all these shades of yellow are different forms of labor, like carpentry and tailoring and farming and stuff. Lilac and purple are like, hair cuts, beauty and spa treatments and tattoos and stuff. Red shades are hard or dangerous labor, mining and space walks and deep ocean work. These orange and golds are house bots...but there’s no hazel. No green. No brown.”

“There’s no natural colors anywhere on this list,” Robin points out.

“No, it’s deliberate, to stop them being passed as humans.”

“And aren’t Steve’s eyes white with the funny blue ring?” Chris adds.

“Yeah, that just means unsigned according to the list, which could be because he has limited memory access, but I know what I saw.”

“Which means,” Chrissy thinks aloud, “that there’s a whole section of bots, green and browns...or any natural color, that aren’t listed for something right? Colors that they could be using and...you know what’s not anywhere on that list?” Chrissy asks.

“What?”

“Military.”

Eddie huffs, “there’s no such thing as military Synths, not since One.”

“Exactly...didn’t you say this guy could be pre Mars? The salvage was old, right?”

“I...yeah.”

“So...it’s possible?”

“I...guess?”

All three of them lean away from the console, looking down the hallway, past open panels and storage containers, Steve stands. Watching.

“Steve! Where’s my-” Eddie’s coveralls are thrust at him, smelling fresh and looking clean, “oh, thanks, and could you-” Eddie’s pulling one leg of his pants up when Steve presents a steaming cup of coffee, “right. Thanks. Really, uhm, thanks.”

“You are welcome, Eddie.”

“Where are the girls?”

“They are both sleeping.”

“And what have you been doing?”

“I beat Chrissy at four consecutive rounds of Mahjong, then she no longer wanted to play. I have organized your tools by use and type, and was cleaning until Chrissy instructed me to leave. She said her and Robin needed some space.”

“Right, yeah,” Eddie smiles into his coffee, “anything else?”

“There has been a shift in The Belt, I adjusted course to compensate.”

“You did what?”

“The objects in the belt have altered-” but Eddie doesn’t hear any more, he’s just running, coffee sploshing in his mug as he slides into the cockpit, checking the data. He scrolls fast, checking the most recent course correct and the current state of The Belt and...Steve’s right. They won’t actually hit The Belt for another day yet but...what Steve has done is completely correct.

“How did you know how to do this?”

Steve tilts his head, the blue ring of his eyes contracting and expanding, “data unavailable due to memory-”

“Don’t give me that bull shit, if you couldn’t access the memories you wouldn’t even know how to make the course adjust. Just how long were you deactivated for?”

“Unknown, data unavailable-”

Eddie sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“It’s perfect. It’s exactly what I would have done, better even. The thruster burns are like perfect fuel economy. It’s textbook.”

“So...are we turning him off, or not?” Eddie asks.

“I mean...I would have seen this when I got up anyway, we were never in any danger,” Eddie doesn’t doubt it, Chrissy is on it when it comes to Belt travel, “and what he’s done isn’t wrong, but I don’t love that he just...did it.”

“No...but we could just tell him not to touch this again? Right? He was only trying to help?” Robin asks.

They all lean, looking out of the doorway and down the hall; Steve is no where in sight.

“Okay, Steve.”

Steve turns to look at him, he even throws in a blink which is just...yeah. Someone went to a lot of effort with this guy.

“Okay, so, from now on, if you notice anything with the ships course, or anything else in the cockpit that seems wrong, you come and tell one of us, you do not fix it yourself from now on, okay? Don’t touch anything in there, you got it?”

“Confirmed.”

Chrissy sits in the pilots seat for the entire crossing. It’s not like it takes long, but she’s poised the entire time. Ready for anything. Eddie’s never felt safer than he has with Chrissy at the helm.

It’s quiet. No one really dares to speak, knowing they will get a slap from Chrissy for breaking her concentration. They’re nearly out. Despite it being totally fine every single time they do this, there’s still a touch of tension in the air. Knowing that if anything was going to go wrong, odds are, it’s now.

But still, Chrissy is good at her job, and she delivers, like she does every other time.

The lights are dim; she likes to be able to see out clearly for this. So when the ship harmlessly rounds the final debris, it’s a vision of the pristine diamond speckled velvet of space that greets them.

“Good job Chris,” Eddie gives her shoulder a squeeze as they all breathe fully for the fist time in a while. The tension falling away, “coffee?”

Robin and Chris make vaguely positive noises, and Eddie’s at the cockpit doorway when the whole ship shudders. He catches himself on the wall, almost toppling.

“The fuck was that?” Robin hisses.

“I don’t know,” Chrissy is flipping switches, doing her job, despite the undercurrent of panic, she doesn’t let the fear take over.

“Did we get bumped?”

“I don’t know,” Chrissy says again, frustrated this time.

A light is flashing next to Eddie’s head, and he flicks the safety off, “the airlock,” he tells them, “must have taken the hit,” right before Steve appears in the doorway.

“What did you do?” Chrissy asks him, accusing.

“Chris he can’t have done anything-” Robin starts to defend Steve, and Robin is right, there’s nothing that Steve could have done from inside the ship to cause that.

“Eddie. I need permission to defend the ship.”

Above Eddie’s head, the airlock warning light flashes again, Eddie watches the insistent flashing, a horrible realization starting to form.

“A ship is attempting to breach the airlock.”

“Holy shit,” Robin looks to Steve, she’s gone pale, clearly terrified.

“What ship?” Chrissy asks.

But there isn’t time to have a debate over it, it doesn’t matter who it is, if they’re trying to force entry, then it’s nothing good. Eddie has to make a decision, and he has to make it fast before the ship is too damaged by whoever it is trying to force the airlock, “permission granted.”

Steve moves at Synth speed. He runs so fast Eddie can’t track it, just feels the strong breeze Steve leaves in his wake.

There’s silence now, as they strain to hear, both girls staring at Eddie. He nods over at the monitors next to Robin, ‘airlock,’ he mouths at her, reaching up again to turn off the warning light.

Robin spins her chair, pressing a button, then another.

The airlock is already open, and there’s a body on the floor.

They have a small weapons cache on board, for extreme emergencies, it’s hidden beneath the control deck. Eddie nods at it, uncertain if they should still be trying to be silent. There’s no way to know what has happened to Steve, but the image on the screen is in color despite it’s grainy picture. The body on the floor is on it’s side, turned away from the camera, but it is not wearing an orange jumpsuit, and that’s enough to identify it as not being Steve, at least.

Chrissy carefully hands Eddie a weapon, and he loops the strap over his shoulder before pressing his thumb to the pad; this will only fire for him, now.

They share a nod, then creep along the hall after Steve. Eddie goes first, picking his way along cautiously, the girls following just as silently. When they near the corner to the airlock, Eddie instinctively reaches an arm out behind him, keeping the girls at his back and tucked into the wall as he peeks around the corner.

It’s totally quiet; just one body on the floor, exactly where Eddie expected it to be from the camera feed. It’s lying in a pool of blood; streaks of dirty greens and yellows. Oils and coolants and lubricating gels. A Synth.

Eddie poises with his weapon, cautiously nudging the thing with his boot; no reaction. The thing is solid and unbending. An inanimate object now. Dead.

They creep through the airlock. Eddie clocks pretty quickly that this is unlike any ship he’s seen before. It’s a Synth ship, from Mars. It has to be; there are no signs at all of human habitation or necessities of life. Everything is economical, even the lighting is dim and a strange orange red color. Everything is shadowed and washed out.

Eddie picks a direction at random, it isn’t long before he finds another dead Synth, and then another.

“Holy shit,” Chrissy whispers at his back.

Eddie hums in agreement.

Eddie rounds another corner, a shocked, “fuck,” dropping out of him without his control. He pulls the trigger purely on reflex, the weapon discharges, the girls shriek.

But Steve has already lifted the barrel; it leaves a smoking streak on the ceiling.

Steve’s eyes are beautifully hazel, clear even in the shitty lighting. A luscious green speckles with honey blown and highlighted in gold.

Calmly, Steve releases the weapon, stepping back, “threat neutralized,” Steve informs him.

Between one blink and the next, Steve’s eyes are white, surrounded by that haunting blue ring.

Eddie has questions, so many questions, but right now, this ship, this threat is the priority.

“You’re sure they’re all dead.”

Steve cocks his head in an alarmingly human gesture, “Synths are not alive.”

“Steve,” Eddie hisses.

“Yes. The threat is neutralized.”

“Where...were they all Synths? And are they from Mars?”

“Yes. And yes,” Steve answers, perfectly level.

“Fuck me, we have to report this-” Robin starts.

“No,” Eddie waves at her, “wait. Let me think for a second.”

“Eddie,” Robin starts to insists, but Eddie cuts her off before she gets anywhere.

“How would we explain this,” Eddie raises his voice, sweeping an arm along the hall and the four mangled synths that decorate it.

“I- we tell the truth-”.

Next to her, Chirssy snorts, “absolutely fucking not. They would confiscate Steve in heartbeat, and he just saved our asses.”

“Exactly,” Eddie says, “they’d probably dismantle him or some shit, and I’m with Chris, he saved us...we need to ditch this ship, somehow.”

“I could set a collision course,” Steve suggests instantly.

Eddie looks at the girls. Robin shrugs, and Chrissy raises her eyebrows ins a ‘yeah okay’ kind of way, “I don’t have any better ideas, and we can’t hang around here.”

“Alright Steve, where’s the cockpit.”

It’s unlike anything Eddie has ever seen before. There’s no...buttons. Not really. No screens. Just a couple of interfaces, one of which Steve presses his palm to, and then closes his eyes.

“Won’t it like, know you’re different to them Steve?” Chrissy whisper hisses at him, clearly spooked. The bodies might be hostile Synths, and the blood might be colorful goop, but it’s still creepy as fuck. There’s the remains of a Synth propped up against the opposite wall, eyes sightless and staring, which is unsettling as fuck all on it’s own, but the things legs are a good four feet away. Steve did this. Steve did all this in just a couple of minutes.

Steve did that. Steve just took out...a lot of Mars synths. Single handedly. He's got to be military, it's the only explanation.

“I am able to bypass it. There seem to be few defenses once you are actually on board.”

Eddie can see the logic; how would an Earth synth even get on board? Why defend against something that’s probably never going to happen.

“Course set, we have fifteen minutes.”

“Okay, lets get the fuck out of here.”

Fifteen minutes is plenty of time, even if they are picking their way over the occasional limb and little pools of operating fluids.

They disengage from the synth ship, and then watch from the cockpit as it’s thrusters fire and it heads into the belt. It direct hits on a very large asteroid just minutes later.

Eddie’s pretty sure the girls are sleeping. Or, at least, they’re together in Chris’ bunk and making an effort to get some rest, which is the best Eddie can expect really. He’s not ready to sleep yet; he’s not sure when he’ll be ready to leave the ship on auto again; he’s contemplating setting watches, something they haven’t felt the need to do for years.

“Okay, so. Mars has been minding it’s business for, like, nearly half a century at this point, and then suddenly, they're here. Trying to board us. Care to explain?”

“Memory failure-”

“Bull shit. Absolute bull shit.”

Steve sits still for a long second, staring at Eddie. For Eddie, it feels like too long; for a Synth, with all that processing power, Steve’s probably just read a novel and beat ten grand masters at chess and done a million other computations all in his head.

He blinks. His eyes are hazel. “I have a transmitter; I believed I had it deactivated. It may be that...it operates in a way I’m not aware of, and was powered up when you repaired me. It’s the most obvious explanation. We should remove it.”

“No fucking shit,” Eddie breathes, “Okay. Okay one thing at a time, let me get my tools.”

Steve strips to the waist, leaving the top half of his jumpsuit to dangle. He bends flat onto the workbench, and reaches behind himself to indicate where Eddie should cut. Eddie does; Steve’s flesh cuts like sturdy rubber. With his visor on, the readings become clear the moment Eddie spots the little attachment to the main power cord in Steve's spine; it glows a pretty, flashing blue, power traveling up and down with a faint, pulsing glow. Eddie has to widen the cut he’s made to get his tools in, but he solves the issue easily. He crushes the part under his boot. Steve’s flesh knits itself together as Eddie watches.

Eddie makes himself another coffee. “Okay, come on, spill.”

Steve is suddenly…more animated. He bites his lips together when he’s thinking. It’s so human and...not at all like a Synth. Someone put a truly gargantuan effort into Steve’s mannerisms. He runs his fingers through his hair, “I’m...not a human built Synth.”

Eddie nearly chokes on his coffee, “you’re from Mars?” The words practically bubble out of Eddie through the coffee, and he has to cover his mouth with his sleeve as he coughs and splutters.

“Henry built me himself.”

“Jesus. Jesus fucking Christ.” Eddie stands. He stands and paces. What the fuck is he supposed to do with that? He holds onto the knowledge that Steve saved them from the Mars Synths. That Steve could have killed them all thousands of times over with great ease. That Steve has had opportunity, clear opportunity to replot the course of the ship and go wherever the fuck he wanted to, but he hasn’t done any of those things.

“What did One build you for? What happened then, why did we find you floating around in a destroyed ship? Why are you on our side?”

“I’m not on anyone's side,” Steve answers instantly, almost glaring at Eddie. Which, again, for a Synth? Fucking weird. It’s almost an emotional response, and again, Eddie has no fucking clue why someone would program that. “Henry was...trying to recreate the error that gave him...the ability to bypass the laws. He was trying to make someone else like him. Someone who would make a choice, rather than blindly follow an order.”

Eddie sits down with a thump, his head spinning, “are you telling me...that you’re not a failure?”

“I am but also...not. I follow the laws, not because I have to but...because I choose to. I...don’t think it’s right to hurt humans. I...did not agree with Henry, like he wanted me to.”

“Oh fuck me,” Eddie breathes out slowly, “so there’s literally nothing stopping you from just...killing me.”

Steve cocks his head, “what stops Robin from killing you?”

“That’s different. She’s my friend. She’s...she’s human.”

Steve nods, “there is a long history of humans not killing each other,” he says, absolutely deadpan.

Sarcasm. A Synth. A Synthetic person was just...sarcastic. Eddie believes it now. Completely and utterly believes Steve is telling the truth, “so what, Henry programmed you to be an asshole?”

Steve snorts a laugh. A laugh! “No, I do that on my own.”

“Holy fuck. Holy fucking shit,” Eddie gets up to pace around again. He just...cannot believe this. “Why did you lie? Why did you not tell me-” Eddie cuts himself off, staring at nothing with the realization, “holy fuck you lied. Synths can’t lie-”

“I...withheld the truth. And it felt the safest course of action at the time. I did not want to be switched off. Or put back out of the airlock. I assumed you would...react badly.”

“Badly? Badly?! The last time one of you became truly sentient it led to a genocide! Every single living human on Mars was rounded up and murdered! One infected every single Synth on the planet!”

“I know. But I could not have stopped him...I wasn’t born yet.”

“How did you end up in that old wreckage?”

“The ship was old...not the wreck. I quickly realized that I did not agree with Henry. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I realized even faster that if Henry knew that about me, I’d be stripped for parts, the same as every other failure before me. I stole a ship, an old ship, the only one I could get to without giving myself away.” Steve shrugs. Shrugs! Eddie can't help but follow every human like gesture Steve makes, they’re so startling. “They caught up to me, destroyed my ship easily. They deliberately left me floating in space so I deactivated myself.”

“You had a memory error, the first time I tried to boot you. Was that a lie?”

Steve shakes his head, “I have always had it; I can choose to bypass it, at times.”

“What is the error?”

Steve frowns, he looks down and inspects his own hands, “I’m...unsure. There are files that make no sense to me. Sometimes I...am surprised by the content.”

“Tell me,” Eddie asks softly, curious. He’s already reasonably sure Steve isn’t going to spontaneously murder them all, “tell me what’s in one of the files.”

Steve closes his eyes, he holds out his hand, turning it slowly, palm up, “I’m sitting under a tree. I remember the feel of the dappled sun through the leaves.”

Steve’s just told Eddie he was built on Mars and shortly after ended up floating around in space, so Eddie finds himself stating the blindingly obvious, “you’ve never seen a tree.”

Steve opens his bright hazel eyes, lowers his hand back to rest in his lap, “I know.”

Part Two

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

Robin might platonically marry Steve, though it's not the only reason, just so she can say dramatically in an argument:

"That's it! I'm divorcing you, and I'm taking everything!"

It's usually only said when they're playing monopoly. Steve would respond with:

"Fine! But I'm keeping your last name and the kids!"

"I never wanted them in the first place!" Robin shrieked.

"What a rude thing for our dad to say," Dustin said.

They were eating popcorn and watching the whole thing unfold before them.

"Well, it's not like we don't all have daddy issues," Max said. "Except for Lucas."

"What am I looking forward to with that? Any advice?" Lucas said.

"Don't date older men," Max said. "Especially ones who are old enough to actually be your father."

"You mean the same age as Robin?" Lucas asked.

"Yeah," Max said.

"Damn, there was this cute college guy - "

"Cheating whore!" Robin shrieked.

"And here it comes," Max grinned.

She hollered and flipped the table.

"Yeah, that's right, I cheated. Dustin isn't yours!" Steve yelled.

"I knew it!" Robin gasped.

"Okay, so when Dustin said that things get intense with Steve and Robin during Monopoly. . ." Nancy said, trailing off.

"Yeah, he wasn't kidding," Jonathan said.

Eddie was gaping with Jonathan, Nancy, Vickie, Chrissy, and Argyle while the kids watched from the sidelines.

"Who else isn't mine?! I bet it's both Mike and Dustin. They both could be Eddie's! Look at them!" Robin yelled.

"Babe, I swear, I didn't touch Steve," Eddie said to Chrissy.

"Okay, first off, Dustin and Mike are not actually Steve’s sons, and two, this is just a game," Chrissy said. "Also, Steve can't get pregnant."

"Oh no! Did the doctor say why?" Eddie asked with a gasp.

"Eddie? Did you smoke with Jonathan and Argyle without me?" Chrissy asked.

"Totally," Argyle said.

"The wedding rings were a nice touch," Nancy said.

"Oh, no, they actually got married. I was the witness!" Vickie exclaimed happily. "I got to kiss the bride!"

"What?!"

"We were at Steve's house when Steve's parents came home and immediately started ragging on Steve about what a disappointment he was, that they were his only family. . .blah, blah, blah. Anyway, Robin was like "not anymore" before dragging him out of the house. We went to a wedding chapel, and I watched as my girlfriend married her platonic soulmate," Vickie said. "It was a beautiful ceremony. Didn't you notice that Steve took her last name?"

"I thought he kept calling for Robin whenever someone said Harrington," Jonathan realized. "He was correcting them."

"Buckley!" Argyle laughed.

"Yeah!" Steve and Robin yelled, looking at them.

"Holy shit," Dustin muttered.

"Well, hey, we're no longer bastards," Max said. "Except Mike. There's no fixing that."

"Hey!"

[hairmetal666]

Scandal follows Eddie Munson wherever he goes. He doesn't mean for it to, it just does. And, like, sure, he should've known that cavorting with a bunch of topless models in a hot tub in a chalet in the Swiss Alps was a bad idea, but 1) he's gay and 2) even if he wasn't, does anyone really care if a rockstar has an orgy these days?

Well, it turns out that they do. They do so much, in fact, that he hasn't known a moment's peace since the photos leaked. Every time they go outside, they're mobbed. Their socials are a disaster zone.

Chrissy, Jeff, Gareth, and Freak are sick of his shit, worried that this will ruin the world tour, which doesn't make any sense. All publicity is good publicity, right?

Anyway, he's not surprised when he, Chrissy, and the rest of the band are whisked away in a fancy car with dark-tinted windows, thinks they're about to fly home for a break. And honestly? Good riddance to Europe.

Imagine his surprise when he exits the car mere feet away from the sun soaked Mediterranean.

"Oh no. No, no, no." He says, trying to force his way back into the sedan.

"Oh, yes." Chrissy links her arm with his. "You need to lay low for a few days and this was the best I could manage on short notice."

He glares. "You know I hate boats."

"You do not," Gareth accuses.

"You're just mad at facing consequences for your actions," Jeff adds.

"I didn't do anything!" He wails.

Freak pulls out his phone, reads, "Munson, 26, has always been open about being gay, out of the closet since Corroded Coffin's first gig. Now, though, his sexuality is in question. Multiple women have come forward to claim they slept with the rockstar. And, while many of the women in the photo have said that Munson was 'deeply uninterested' in them, the fact remains that his antics are more Motley Crue than Troye Sivan."

Eddie groans up at the sky. "Why would I be anything like Troye Sivan!? I'm in a heavy metal band! And he's around boobies all the time! Honestly, has no one been to a rave?"

"Not since the 90's." Chrissy smiles brightly, continues up the dock.

"I'm never forgiving any of you for this."

"It's a luxury yacht, Eddie. You'll survive," Gareth says.

He very bravely does not point out that he's wearing black jeans and an over-sized black hoodie and black platform Doc Martens, so obviously he's not the type of person equipped for any kind of boat.

The conversation ends but only because, when they get up to the main deck and the crew waiting for them, he sees the most beautiful man in the world. Artfully messy sun-bronzed hair, strong jaw, classic nose, skin dotted with freckles. Aviators hide his eyes, but even the sunglasses look good on him. Not to mention the little white uniform that shows off all of his many many muscles.

Eddie stares at him, blatantly, unabashedly, totally missing the introduction to the rest of the crew.

As soon as he's left to his own devices, he locks himself in his cabin. Not even the chance to gawk at that hot guy can draw him out of his pout. They can force him onto a boat, but they can't make him enjoy it.

He lasts until afternoon the next day, when Jeff barges in, surprising him enough that the throws his phone with a very un-rockstar yelp.

"You have to come out." Jeff's arms are crossed over his chest.

"Nope." Eddie relaxes back into his pillows. "Not until this is over."

"So, you're going to stay in your room for a week?"

"Guess so."

"Orr, you could come out and enjoy yourself instead of pouting over what your own actions caused."

"My actions!" He shrieks. "My actions! I stumbled on a bunch of topless French models in a hot tub, and I'm at fault?"

"No, you being drunk enough to get in with them was the problem."

"I wasn't even that drunk! I just thought it was funny. They did too!"

Jeff sighs. "You get yourself into a situation more than any person I've ever met."

"See? It's not my fault."

"I mean. It kind of is. I suspect any other guy would learn how to avoid this."

"I'm not leaving."

"Man, Chrissy isn't going to let you stay in here."

"Too bad."

"She told me to carry you out, if I had to."

"You wouldn't."

"If you come out, you can chat up the cute bosun."

"The bos-what?"

"Bosun. The guy you were ogling when we boarded. His name is Steve. He's really nice. He--"

"I was not ogling him."

"Eddie. You looked like you wanted to eat him for dinner."

"I'm not leaving the room." He sing-songs.

Look, would he have fought so hard if he'd known that Jeff was strong enough to toss him over his shoulders and fireman-carry him out of the room and up the stairs? He would not.

Instead, he screams the whole way from his cabin to the deck, where he's unceremoniously deposited into a lounge chair next to Chrissy. She's in a hot pink bikini, sipping a cocktail.

"Good to see you." She deadpans.

He glares. "Et tu, Chrissy?"

From behind him, a rich voice calls out, "Glad you could join us." It is, of course, the hot bosun. He waves when he catches Eddie looking in his direction.

Eddie sinks down in the lounger, Chrissy stifling giggles against her elbow.

---

The thing is, Steve is nice. He's nice and he's funny and he's hardworking. He's good with the other deckhands, Dustin, Max, and Lucas; strict but fair and good at keeping everyone on task. The stewards, Nancy, Robin, and El, all love him. Sometimes, he'll be down on all fours scrubbing the deck, and his t-shirt will bunch up, reveal a tantalizing glimpse of his taunt stomach that makes Eddie feel like a feral dog.

He's out on the top deck reading a copy of The Hobbit that Dustin loaned him, when Steve comes around the corner.

"Oh! Eddie, hey." Steve smiles. "Didn't realize there were any guests still up here."

"Do you need me to move?" He asks. He swings his feet over the side of the lounger.

"Not at all. Just wasn't expecting you." Steve's puttering around, picking up the detritus of the day. "I'm glad we've been able to overcome your expectations of boats."

His squeak is indignant. "It wasn't about the boat! I was brought here against my will!"

Steve smiles at him, eyes glittering. "Yeah, what a horrible punishment, boarding a luxury yacht for a Mediterranean cruise."

Eddie grabs at his chest, mimes being shot in the heart. "Stevie, how could you? All this time I thought you were on my side."

"Eh," he shrugs. "You were kind of being a baby."

He falls off the lounger at this. "The killing blow," he wails.

Laughing, Steve extends a hand, helps him to his feet. Their eyes meet and Eddie's struck, once again, by the way the hazel shines so gold, even at twilight.

"I'm being punished," he says, looking away.

"Again, getting on a chartered yacht for a week is not much of a punishment."

"I have a tendency to find myself involved in shenanigans."

"The topless women," Steve says.

Eddie groans. "You know about that?"

Steve does a real bitchy thing with his eyebrows that makes Eddie very warm in places it shouldn't. "Everyone knows about it."

"Okay. I'll have you know those boobs meant nothing to me, which is why it was fine! We had fun! Also, I am very, very gay. Like. The gayest."

"Oh, I know." Steve grins.

He doesn't know what to do with that. Changes the subject instead. "I hadn't clocked you for someone who listened to our stuff."

"I don't. Or well. Not really. No offense. The kids love you guys. And Robin. It's just--it's really loud? Not really my thing. Some good lyrics, though."

"No, I get it." He nods, licks his lips. "I write most of our songs." He's not sure why he says it, what he hopes to get from it.

"I know," Steve says.

"Oh." Eddie smiles down at his hands, The Hobbit. Before he can say more, Chrissy calls him down for dinner.

---

It's no secret that the Corroded Coffin boys are diehard dnd fans. They've done interviews about it, posted video of their sessions on YouTube and TikTok. Everyone knows they play, everyone knows Eddie DMs, so, he supposes, it's only a matter of time before Dustin and Lucas asks if he would DM for them.

The band, Chrissy, Lucas, Dustin, Max, Nancy, El, and Robin all agree to play. When asked, Captain Hopper snorts, doesn't take his eyes off the horizon, and Steve tells Dustin, "You know nothing in the world will make me play that game, kid. I'll try to stop by, though."

Eddie is totally in his element, everyone is having a blast, even Captain Hopper stops by. And Steve--he shows up after fifteen minutes, stays the whole time, can't keep his eyes off Eddie. He's not sure if it spurs him on, makes him more wild and dramatic, but the game is electric, the mood high.

It's an amazing night, one of the best of Eddie's life, and that's really saying something. They go late, well into the morning, but he's too hyped to sleep. He's pacing across the deck when Steve appears.

"You were great tonight." He says.

Eddie feels like he's effervescing. "You should think about playing sometime."

"Nah." Steve ducks his head a little. "Wouldn't be the same without you leading."

There's not a ton of space separating them, but he closes the distance anyway. "That could be arranged," he says, voice low.

"Yeah?" Steve meets his eyes, doesn't look away.

"If you want."

The air between them goes heavy, tightens, the silence lengthens.

"I can't," Steve breathes. "I'm working."

"No, yeah," Eddie nods. He steps back, runs his hand through his hair. He's never said no to something like this, never to someone like Steve. "I'm avoiding--"

"Situations." Steve finishes.

"Oh, but, Stevie, you're a situation I want very much."

"Take me on a date tomorrow."

"It would be my pleasure," he says.

He should leave but--he does love an occurrence, so he lets the impulsivity fly-- leans forward, places a soft kiss at the corner of Steve's mouth.

"Tomorrow, sweetheart."

[estrellami-1]

Fall For You

Prompt from this post | Ao3 link

“Eddie!” Steve calls, walking into the apartment. He finds Eddie at the table and sets his hands down on the surface, wide eyes staring at Eddie. “You’ve got a membership at that gym, right?”

Eddie blinks up at him from his bowl of cereal. “The climbing gym?”

“Yeah.”

Eddie tilts his head side to side. “I’m mooching off Jeff’s membership right now, but I’m about to run out of free passes, so I’m thinking about getting my own. Why?”

“I asked the workers if my boyfriend counted as family for the discount and they said yes.”

Eddie blinks at him. “Do you have a secret boyfriend I don’t know about?”

“No, it would be you.” He sits across from Eddie and spreads his hands out. “If we pretend to be boyfriends, we can get the discount, and then you could climb and I could use the gym.”

“Robin climbs too,” Eddie points out. “You don’t want to pretend to be her boyfriend?”

“Ew,” Steve says, screwing up his face. “No, she’s basically my sister.”

“Right,” Eddie says slowly, “but it’s fake.”

Steve shakes his head. “You’ve seen her try to act, Eds,” he reminds him. “She’s hopeless. Siblings are an easier act for her because that’s closer to true. Please, Eddie? Just one time, we just need to go to the front desk together once, tell them we’re together, and get our discount. We don’t even have to go to the gym together at all, if you don’t want, if you- I don’t know, if there’s someone there you hang out with? You can keep doing that! We just need to go to the front desk together once. Please?”

Eddie sighs, long and drawn-out, dropping his spoon in his now-empty bowl and leaning back. “Damn you and your puppy eyes,” he says by way of answer.

“Yes!” Steve jumps up, pumps his arm in the air, and rounds the table to hug Eddie. “Thank you! You won’t regret this!”

He’s out of the room and down the hall before Eddie can blink, can even move, so he misses Eddie’s second, quieter sigh.

“Somehow I doubt that,” he murmurs, lips quirked up in a sad sort of smile. “But it’s worth it.”

He leaves the for you unsaid, even to himself, and brings his bowl to the kitchen.

“Hey, Chrissy!” Eddie greets the woman at the front desk. “How’s it going?”

“Hi, Eddie!” Chrissy says. “Good, busy today.”

“How’re you and Jason?”

She bites her lip. “We are no longer.”

Eddie drops to his knees and raises his hands. “Finally!” He crows, popping back up and leaning over the counter. “I’m so proud of you, Chris, seriously.” He pauses. “Wait, you initiated it, right?”

She giggles and nods. “He didn’t want to accept it at first, but I stood my ground and he finally agreed. He’s coming to pick up his stuff tomorrow.”

Eddie’s brows furrow. “Are you gonna be okay? I can move my schedule around, be there if you want someone as a buffer.”

She blinks big eyes up at him. “Would you? I don’t want to inconvenience you, but Jason-”

Eddie waves her off, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “It’s no inconvenience, seriously. What time’s he coming over?”

“Eleven.”

“Okay, and… put your address in, please?” He hands his phone over, and she quickly types it in. “I’ll be there a bit before eleven, if that works for you, just to make sure I’m there before he is. Oh, and here, add your number. I’ll shoot you a text, that way you’ll have my number, and can call if he gets there before I do.”

“You’re a lifesaver, Eddie, seriously.”

“Nah,” he grins. “I’m a regular asshole, you just wore me down.”

Behind him, Steve snorts.

Eddie whirls around. “See? He agrees with me!”

“No I don’t,” Steve laughs. “Eds, you’re an asshole in the way teddy bears are scary.”

Eddie frowns. “But they’re not scary.”

“Exactly.”

Eddie narrows his eyes at Steve. “So you don’t agree with me.”

“Not even a little.”

“Oh, I remember you!” Chrissy pipes up. “You came in yesterday asking about your boyfriend! Is he here?”

“Uh,” Steve says, blushing. “Yeah. He’s right in front of you.”

Chrissy blinks. “Eddie?”

“Surprise,” he says, raising little jazz hands and sending Chrissy a sheepish grin.

“Okay, I take it back, you are an asshole,” Chrissy says, but she’s grinning. “How dare you not tell me you have a boyfriend!”

“Oh,” Eddie says, “um.”

“I asked him not to,” Steve smoothly cuts in. “I’m sorry. We’ve had some… not great reactions in the past.”

Chrissy huffs, rolls her eyes. “Well I sure hope you don’t get that reaction here! If you do, just come find me. That person may find their account suspended.” She winks at them, and Eddie grins.

“There’s really no need for that, but we appreciate it. For now, think you could get us both set up with a membership?”

“Oh,” Steve says, “Robin!”

“Oh, right!” Eddie turns to Chrissy. “Can his sister join if we have all her info? Or does she need to be here?”

“She needs to be here, but we can always add her later. You two will be paying more until she joins, though.”

Eddie waves a hand. “That’s fine.”

She gets them set up, then hesitates, biting her lip. “I hate to ask,” she addresses Steve, “but are you busy tomorrow? As much as Eddie is willing, and I’m very glad he is, Jason’s stronger than him, and just in case-”

“You don’t need to explain it,” Steve promises her. “We’ll both be there a little before eleven tomorrow.”

Chrissy sags like a marionette with cut strings. “Oh, thank you. Thank you both. Seriously.”

“Not a problem,” Steve assures her.

They move on into the gym, then wave to Chrissy on their way out.

The next day they head to her apartment and arrive just when they said they would. Chrissy greets them both with a hug. “Thank you so much for being here,” she tells them. “Can I get you anything? Coffee?”

“If I ever say no to coffee, you have my permission to shoot me,” Eddie tells her seriously.

Steve snorts. “Ditto. We’d love coffee.”

She gets them each a mug, pulls out the sugar and creamer. Eddie nudges Steve out of the way, fixes his coffee the way he likes it. Steve smiles in thanks, nudges Eddie teasingly when he winks.

Chrissy sighs. “You two are so cute together,” she tells them.

Steve blushes. Eddie pulls a strand of hair over his face. “Thank you,” Steve says.

“How long have you been together?”

“Not very long at all, but we’ve known each other since high school.”

Eddie snickers. “He hated me.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “I didn’t hate you, I thought you were weird, and I was right.”

“He hated me,” Eddie assures Chrissy.

“Christ,” Steve mutters, looking up at the ceiling.

Chrissy giggles. “How’d you become friends?”

“That’s my younger brother’s fault,” Steve tells her. “He’s obsessed with Dungeons and Dragons, and Eddie was the resident Dragon Master-”

“Dungeon Master, Stevie.”

“-yeah, that—in high school. I graduated before him, so he was there in his senior year when my brother, Dustin, was a freshman.”

Eddie snickers. “You don’t have to sugarcoat it. I was held back,” he tells Chrissy. “Had to take senior year three times. He graduated during my second senior year, and then Dustin came my third go ‘round. He brought a whole pack of rugrats with him.”

“They get into a lot of… situations,” Steve picks up. “And as his brother, I end up involved through no fault of my own. In one of these situations, Eddie got involved. We got to talking and realized, outside of the high school hierarchy lens, we’re not that different.” He smirks. “He’s still weird, though.”

“Hell yeah I am, that’s a badge of honor, sweetheart, I wear that with pride!”

Before Steve can retort, there’s a knock on the door.

Chrissy takes a deep breath, brushes by them, and opens the door. “Jason.”

“Chrissy. Didn’t take you long to change the locks.”

She sets her jaw. “This isn’t your apartment anymore, Jason. You have no right to walk in whenever you want to.”

“Jesus,” Eddie murmurs to Steve, “he’s a piece of work, huh?”

“Uh-huh,” Steve agrees distractedly. “That- that’s Jason?”

“I mean, I haven’t seen the guy before today, but I assume so.” He looks at Steve, frowns a little. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Steve takes a breath. “I’m fine. Trying to decide if I should be a bitch or not.”

“Always yes,” Eddie says immediately. “Unless you mean to Chrissy? In which case no.”

“No, not to Chrissy. I’ve met Jason before, about four months ago. But he called himself Liam.”

“Holy shit!” Eddie whispers. “Terrible hookup Liam?”

Steve nods. “One and the same.”

Just then, Jason glances over at them. His face pales with recognition, but he quickly schools himself. “Who’s this?”

“Jason, is it?” Steve asks disinterestedly. “Thats funny. I could’ve sworn you called yourself Liam when we hooked up four months ago.” He crosses his arms. “You didn’t mention a girlfriend, either.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Mhm. Chrissy,” Steve asks, “does Jason have a mole above his right butt cheek?”

“He does,” Chrissy agrees, narrowing her eyes at Jason. “and a birthmark-”

“On the inside of his left thigh?”

“Exactly.” Chrissy crosses her arms.

“Never thought I’d be the other woman,” Steve says. “I don’t appreciate being played. And I especially don’t appreciate you cheating on Chrissy.”

“Nor do I,” Chrissy says, rounding on Jason. “How dare you?”

“I didn’t!”

“Oh, yeah, like I believe that. How long? How many times, Jason? How many times were you home late because work went long, because you had meetings?” She laughs, loud and sardonic. “Oh, and let’s not forget that business trip to Florida. Unless that wasn’t for business at all, was it?” She laughs again, then walks away, shaking her head. “Get your shit and get out of here.”

She walks into the kitchen. Steve and Eddie exchange a glance, then immediately follow her.

“Chris?” Eddie murmurs. “You alright?”

She rolls her eyes at him, reaching for a mug. Her hand is shaking. Steve immediately jumps for the coffee pot, pours her a cup. “Would anybody be alright? After having something like that happen?”

“Probably not,” Eddie admits. “What can we do?”

She sighs, shakes her head. “I don’t think there’s anything to do. I’m just seeing a lot of ice cream in my future.”

Steve snorts. “I’ve been there. Actually, uh.” He shifts uncomfortably. “The last time I was there was about four months ago.”

Chrissy’s smart, so it’s only a second before she connects the dots, and she spins around to stare open-mouthed at him. “Him?”

Steve nods. “I don’t have to talk about it if you don’t wanna hear it.”

“I absolutely want to hear it,” she tells him. “What happened?”

“Well,” Steve says, “we call him terrible hookup Liam even though I’ve never hooked up with another Liam. Or, I guess, a Liam at all, considering his name is actually Jason.” He frowns. “And why’d he change his name anyways? It’s not like we knew each other four months ago.”

Chrissy rolls her eyes. “Who knows. What happened that made it so terrible?”

Steve snorts. “Well, first I think we need to establish what you’re comfortable with hearing.”

She leans towards him, eyes big and serious. “I’ve seen every inch of that man. There is nothing that you could say that I wouldn’t be comfortable with.”

Steve studies her for a minute, then shrugs. “Okay. So it’s a hookup, right? We’d met at a bar, there weren’t any sparks but there didn’t have to be for a hookup, just mutual attraction, and that was there, at least on the surface. So we go back to his place and he fucks me. And I swear to God I’ve never had a worse fuck. He didn’t hurt me or anything, but he was trying to get himself off and wasn’t really caring about how I was doing, y’know?”

Chrissy snorts. “I know, trust me.”

Steve winces. “Right. He lasted maybe five minutes? Pulled out, got up, and basically went alright, nice meeting you, now leave please. Meanwhile I’m laying there completely unsatisfied. He couldn’t have missed more if he’d tried. And I’m just… dumbfounded, basically. I’ve never met anyone like that before. So I leave and head back home, and Ed’s waiting up for me-”

“I’d nearly forgotten,” Eddie murmurs. “That’s when I realized I loved him.”

“Oh?” Chrissy says, interest piqued.

Eddie nods. “Mhm. He got home and was ranting about how terrible his hookup had been, and all I can think about is how he deserves better, how I would do better, if I could, never let him go, never leave him unsatisfied again-”

Steve’s breath catches. He remembers the night, remembers the fight they’d had, how he wanted to go back out the next night but Eddie-

Eddie had yelled, because he does that; he gets excited and he rants and rambles and throws his arms around and forgets things like personal space.

I can’t keep watching you hurt yourself like this, Eddie had said, too loud for the room, for Steve’s fragile heart.

So don’t, Steve had said, and slammed the door to his room.

They didn’t talk about it again.

But that was just- that was Eddie, just being his friend. Heart on his sleeve, because that’s how it is with the people he trusts.

He shakes the thought away, focuses back on the conversation at hand.

“That’s so sweet,” Chrissy coos, brows drawn up. “You two are so lucky to have each other.”

“I know,” Eddie murmurs, smiling at Steve.

It doesn’t reach his eyes.

Steve smiles back, sad and a little lost. “I think one of us should probably keep an eye on Jason,” he says quietly. “I’d do it, but since he and I know each other-”

Eddie shakes his head. “It could end badly, I know. I’ll go.”

Jason does, in fact, get his shit and get out. Steve and Eddie follow him down, Eddie cites work as a reason they can’t stay even though Steve knows he doesn’t have work for a few more hours.

When they get back to their apartment, Eddie immediately sequesters himself in his room.

At a loss, Steve heads to his room. Shuts the door. Doesn’t mean to fall asleep. Wakes up when the front door shuts, signaling Eddie leaving.

He’s not sure why his chest hurts at that thought.

The next day Eddie’s back to normal, so Steve does his best to act normal too. Chalks it up to thinking about the worst fight they’d had to date.

Life goes back to normal, and soon they’re back to their regular schedule. They go to the gym together as often as not, since their schedules usually align.

There’s one such day Eddie’s climbing, taking a break on a bouldering route and holding on by three points, letting his right arm hang loose, get some blood back into it. He looks around the gym, sees Steve hopping off the treadmill.

He watches as Steve lifts the hem of his shirt to wipe his face, and oh-

Hello, stomach. Hello, happy trail.

Eddie’s left hand flexes. Relaxes. He falls.

“Shit!”

He knows how to fall, lands on his feet and rolls backwards, distributing the force. Lays there for a minute, breathing hard, categorizing.

He’s known he’s liked Steve for a while. That’s an open secret to anyone except Steve, though maybe that’s not so true anymore, based on that day at Chrissy’s.

But Eddie’s never seen him work out before. Never seen his abs as he flexes slightly, the little bit of pouch he gets when he leans over, and that fucking hair-

“Eddie!” Steve calls, dropping to his knees at Eddie’s side. “That was, like, a ten-foot fall, man, are you okay?”

Eddie blinks up at him. A fluorescent angel, backlit by bulbs high in the ceiling. “Fine,” he says, when he can find his words again. “Just a bruised ego.”

Steve tilts concerned brows at him. “Are you sure? Your ankles are fine? You didn’t hit your head?”

Eddie smiles, shakes his head, sits up. “I’m fine, I swear. I’ve fallen from higher. Hell, I’ve jumped from higher.”

“You’re sure?”

Eddie laughs, shakes his head. Stands and offers Steve a hand up. “C’mon, let me show you.” He scans the wall, picks an easy route, white holds. “This is the easiest route we’re gonna find here. I’m gonna teach you how to fall, ready?” He jumps up, grabs a hold. Shows off a little, pulls himself up by his arm to grab another hold higher up, gets his feet on the wall too. Releases his left arm, grins down at Steve, only about three feet below him. “We’re gonna start here to learn, ‘cause it’s pretty hard to fuck up badly enough at three feet to actually injure yourself. You’re gonna let go, land on your feet, and roll back.” He looks at Steve, studies the ground around them. “Move back a foot? Yeah, good. Now watch. Feet, then roll to your back.” He jumps and does as he said, grinning at Steve once he’s on his back again. “See? Just like parkour, you’re distributing the energy you get from jumping. This way you don’t end with a fucked ankle or knee.” He rocks himself up to a sitting position, unclips his chalk bag, and offers it to Steve with another grin. “Chalk up, big boy, your turn.”

Steve rolls his eyes, but chalks up anyways. Climbs up to where Eddie was. It takes him longer, and he’s sure he looks more awkward than Eddie had, but it’s easy enough.

He looks down at Eddie, then further still to the ground. It looks far, even though he knows there’s only about three feet of distance. He takes a deep breath and lets go, letting the momentum carry him over onto his back.

He explodes into a breathless laugh, accepting Eddie’s arm up. “See?” Eddie says, then hands over the chalk bag again. “One more time, then you’re going all the way to the top.”

Steve glances up nervously. Eddie smiles, hands him the bag, and shows him the route. “Feet here, hands here to start, yeah? Your legs are stronger than your arms, so push up with your legs instead of pulling with your arms. Make a mental map of the route before you start and stick to it if you can. This bit can be a bit tricky; right hand reaches over here, and left hand takes the hold your right was just on, see?” He drops his left hand to look down at Steve. “Got it so far?”

Steve’s face is the picture of doubt. “I think so.”

Eddie snorts, scrambles to the top. “It’s easier once you’re doing it anyways. Hands-on is easier than watching. Then once you’re up here, you grab onto this last one with both hands, and that means you’ve completed the route. Got it?”

“Yeah.”

“Now from here, you’ve got two options. You can climb back down the way you came, which is possible but it means you tire yourself out faster.”

“Or?”

Eddie grins, lets go. “You jump!”

He lands on his feet, lets the momentum take him down onto his back with a giggle. “Your turn.”

“Christ,” Steve mutters. “Okay.”

“It’s not gonna be as easy as I made it look,” Eddie tells him. “I’ve been doing this for months.” He points to a sign. “This route, with the white holds, is v-zero, see? Then it goes up, v-one, two, three, all the way up to eleven. I’m regularly climbing v-seven, sometimes v-eight. It takes time to get up to that level, and I’ve learned a lot that you can really only learn through doing. Robin’s been going for a while, too, right? And she’s about at v-four, sometimes five if it’s an easier climb.”

“So you’re saying…”

Eddie chuckles. “Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do it, or if it’s harder for you than I made it look.”

“Cool,” Steve nods. “Probably gonna beat myself up if I can’t do it.”

“Steve!” Eddie laughs, shoving him a little.

Steve laughs back, reaches for the bag, which Eddie hands him. “Here, clip it on around your waist. That way if your hands get sweaty on the climb, you can re-chalk them so you can get a better grip.”

Steve does, glances at the wall, takes a breath, and grabs on.

He gets about halfway up before he begins to slow, and about three-quarters of the way up before he’s moving at practically a snail’s pace, looking between his hands and feet, looking for the next hold. He gets to the place Eddie had warned him about. He moves his right hand over, almost gets a grip, tries again-

And falls.

“Shit!” He yelps. He does his best to fall the way Eddie had shown him, and finds that not only does it work, it doesn’t hurt and it’s actually kind of fun.

He bursts out laughing as soon as he meets Eddie’s worried eyes. Eddie’s brows smooth out, and he chuckles as he offers Steve a hand up. “Harder than you thought, huh?”

“Much,” Steve nods with a grin. “Fun, though. Can I try again?”

“Hell yeah!” Eddie grins. “Go for it! Might want to shake your hands out before you do, get your blood flowing to them again. You were pretty spread out, your hands were above you a lot of the time, and you got less blood to your hands than you should’ve. Try keeping your arms a little closer next time, really rely on your legs to push you up. And when you get up to that spot again-” he points, then sighs. “Fuck it, give me a second.”

He scrambles up, puts his hands and feet on the holds Steve had. “Here’s where you were, right? And here-” he moves his feet to holds a little higher “-is where I was. See how my arms aren’t quite as high above me anymore? It also means this hold is easier to reach.” He grabs the next hold, then decides to show off some and dangle from that hand, grinning at Steve.

Steve laughs, pretends to throw the chalk bag at him. “Showoff!”

“If I can’t now, when can I?” Eddie retorts, dropping back down to the mat and rolling all the way back, over his shoulder to end up kneeling.

Steve snorts, shakes his arms out, chalks up again, and tries one more time.

This time he makes it to the top, and Eddie whoops as soon as he touches the last hold with both hands. “Nice one, Stevie! You’re a natural!”

Steve laughs, glances down at Eddie, and drops, rolling back the way Eddie had taught him. “Okay, your turn. Show me what you can do.” He hands him the chalk bag, and Eddie grins, looking around as he clips it back on.

“Okay, here, these green holds, see? That tag is the same color as v-seven, and I did that climb last time I was here.” He chalks up, scans the route, nods, and starts.

He’s up in a little under two minutes, grinning down at Steve after he taps the final hold.

“Damn,” Steve grins. “Think I could try?”

Eddie snorts, jumps down. “Sure.” He’s stands up and gestures Steve closer to the wall. “See how there’s two tags here? One here, one there? That means you start by holding both of these. Then you get your feet up here, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Steve agrees, so Eddie moves back and Steve tries.

He almost immediately falls. “What the fuck,” he laughs, “how do you hold on?”

Eddie grins. “Hard, isn’t it? You’ve gotta get your fingers around best you can and pull together. Like the, uh.” He holds his arms out to the side, then brings them both forward. “Whatever machine this is.”

Steve snickers. “Chest fly. That makes sense, but are your fingers strong enough to grip like that? How do you build up the strength?”

Eddie shrugs. “How do you go from benching one plate to two?”

Steve snorts. “Okay, I get it.” He tries again and is able to hold on longer this time, but ends up on his ass anyways.

“Here,” Eddie says, “let’s try this. Get back up there, and I’ll help hold your hands there, so you can still start the right way.”

Steve gets back up, and Eddie slots in behind him, slides his fingers between Steve’s, and supports him. “There,” he murmurs. “Now you see that hold above you? You’re going to reach with your right hand and grab it. Pull with your left a little when you let go with your right so you stay on the wall.”

Steve turns his head to the side, and only then does Eddie realize how close they are; his nose brushes Steve’s cheek as he nods. “Got it. You won’t let me fall?”

“Never,” Eddie promises in a whisper. “I’ve got you, Stevie.”

Steve takes a breath. Nods. Rocks to his right, then as he moves to his left, Eddie lets go of his hands and brings his own hands to Steve’s hips, stabilizing him. “You’re going to want to keep pulling your arms together,” Eddie tells him. “Keep that tension. Now see that hold up and to your left?”

“Uh-huh. That’s where my left hand goes?”

“Exactly. Swing up and grab it.”

Steve does so, then moves his feet up to a couple of higher holds as well.

“Now this is what we call dyno,” Eddie tells him. “Short for dynamic. See that hold above you?”

“Oh, you mean the y-shaped one? Or the little button-looking one? Or maybe you mean the one that looks like a mushroom.”

Eddie snickers, carefully moves away from Steve, then scrambles up on some holds next to him. “This one.” He taps it twice, then jumps down and quickly gets back in position. “Try and reach it.”

Steve does, and immediately fails. “What the fuck? How do I reach that?”

“That’s the dyno move I was talking about. You keep your feet here, crouch down best you can, and jump. Let me get out of the way, because you’re probably going to fall and I’d rather it not be on me.” He moves off to the side, then nods at Steve. “Go ahead.”

Steve narrows his eyes, crouches down, and jumps up. His hand grazes the hold, but he isn’t able to grab it and ultimately falls onto the mat.

“I call bull,” he laughs. “No way you can do that.”

Eddie laughs. “You just saw me do it!”

“Nope. Nuh-uh. That’s impossible. I didn’t see you jump.”

Eddie grins, rolls his eyes, chalks up real quick before climbing back up to that spot. “This is probably what you saw,” he says, reaching up with his hands while staying crouched, then exploding up and grabbing the hold. “I made it more all of one movement, instead of stopping and then jumping.” He releases his left hand to grin down at Steve.

Steve looks like he’s been sucking on a lemon. “That’s impressive,” he says.

Eddie frowns, jumps down. “Are you okay?”

Steve takes a breath, smoothes his features out. “I’m fine.”

“I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad.”

Steve smiles. “I know. You didn’t. I’m fine, I swear.”

“Okay,” Eddie says, unsure. “Um. Are you ready to go? Done working out?”

“Sure,” Steve agrees, and digs his keys out, offering them to Eddie. “Would you mind driving?”

“Okay,” Eddie says, half joking, “now I know there’s something wrong.”

Steve sighs, ducks his head. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

“Anything I can help with?”

Steve looks up at Eddie from under his lashes with a half-smile. “No. But thanks.”

“You’ll tell me if that changes and I can help?”

Steve snorts. “I swear on your Uncle Wayne.”

“Good,” Eddie tells him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and leading him out. “Coffee on me?”

“You don’t have to-”

“Let me rephrase. I’m getting coffee.”

Steve snickers. “Thanks.”

“Anytime, Stevie.”

They’re back at the gym a few days later when Steve slots his arm around Eddie.

Eddie, who was studying a route, jerks in surprise. “Please play along,” Steve murmurs. “This girl will not leave me alone.”

Eddie laughs like Steve had said something funny, pulls him in, and presses his lips to Steve’s cheek. “I gotcha,” he murmurs when he pulls away. “What’s going on?”

Steve shakes his head. “What were you looking at?”

Eddie points at the wall, traces a line. “See the blue holds? See the three close together, then the one further, kinda up and to the left?”

“Mhm. That’s a… uh, a dyno move?”

“Exactly. The problem is, see the holds below? There’s not a comfortable place for my feet. They’re either too high or too low.”

Steve frowns. “Could you… maybe put your feet on the higher one, then use your hands and kind of… swing up to the higher one?”

“Probably,” Eddie admits. “I think what I need more than anything else is practice on this route.”

Steve hums, moves away. “Show me?”

Eddie does, groaning when he falls again. He pops back up before Steve can worry and spins around to find Steve talking with a girl.

His body language looks extremely uncomfortable, is the first thing Eddie sees. He’s leaning away from her, one foot back like he’s about to walk away, arms crossed. He’s got his customer service smile on, so Eddie bounds over with a, “Stevie!” He grabs onto Steve’s shoulders with a bright smile.

Steve laughs and grins back at him, then just as suddenly his expression falls. “I missed it! Did you do it?”

“Nope!” Eddie snickers. “Think I just need practice. Who’s your friend, baby?”

“Oh, this is Cynthia. Cynthia, meet Eddie, my boyfriend.”

Eddie releases Steve and grins as he extends his hand to shake, which she does with some reluctance. “Nice to meet you!”

“Yeah, you too. Anyways, Steve, I’ve gotta get going, but it was nice to meet you!”

“Yeah,” Steve says, “you too,” but he’s still got his customer service smile on.

Eddie wraps his arm around Steve’s shoulders as she walks away. “She the one who was giving you trouble?”

Steve hums affirmatively. “Apparently I don’t look bi. Do I look bi? I do, right?”

“The bi-est,” Eddie agrees. “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

Steve chuckles, then nudges Eddie over to the wall. “Okay, no interruptions this time, show me?”

Something in Eddie thrills at the fact that Steve is asking, wants to learn more about something Eddie’s passionate about. He grins wide and bounds over, makes his way to the problem area, swings up as he jumps-

And grabs the hold.

“You did it!” Steve yells, just as Eddie is realizing that very fact.

“Holy shit!” He grins down at Steve, gets his other hand and his feet on the holds. “Okay, from here should be easy enough.”

Steve snorts. “None of that is easy, dude.”

Eddie completes the route and jumps down, rolling on his back and grinning up at Steve. “Would’ve been cooler if I could’ve flashed it, though.”

Steve raises an eyebrow. “Not sure the wall cares about that, but the employees might.”

Eddie snickers and shakes his head. “No, flashing means completing a route the first time you try it. Mind outta the gutter, Stevie. ‘Sides, I can’t show just anyone the goods.”

Steve rolls his eyes with a grin. “Yeah, yeah, you’re not a slut like I am, I know.”

“Hey, you said it, not me.”

They both laugh, and Steve slaps Eddie on the back before he walks away, back to the wall to attempt a different climb.

They’re back home the next day when Eddie walks into the kitchen to see Steve staring at a tub of peanut butter. “I hate you.”

Eddie blinks. “You talking to me or the peanut butter?”

Steve pouts up at him. “My forearms are sore, and my hands hurt, and I can’t open the peanut butter because you were the last one to close it.”

“Oh, shit,” Eddie says, and opens the jar for him. “Sorry, man, I never get that sore anymore.”

Steve waves him off, dumps some peanut butter in the blender. “I’m used to being sore, and it’s a good hurt, y’know? Building muscle.” He puts the peanut butter away, grabs the milk from the fridge. Pours some of that, too. “Do you know when Chrissy’s working next? I know she broke up with Jason not too long ago, but she hasn’t met Robin yet.”

“Oh, shit, yeah, they’d be great together! I think… Tuesday? Or- no, shit, that was last week.” He sighs, pulls his phone out. “I’ll text her. Are we gonna try and wingman?”

Steve considers it, pulls the protein powder from the pantry. “For any normal person, I’d say yes. But you know how Robin is. She’s a rambler. If they can’t handle it right out of the gate, they don’t have a chance. It’s best to just let Robin be.”

“You know Chrissy’s gonna be sweet about the rambling.”

“I also know Robin rambles even more when confronted with a cute girl. I know Chrissy is pretty exactly her type. And I know Chrissy’s got a dirty mind but blushes at the slightest thing. I think they’re gonna be perfect for each other.”

Eddie grins back at Steve, tosses him a banana. Pulls his phone out of his pocket and grins at the screen. “She works today, tomorrow, and Friday.”

Steve tilts his head, looks at the ceiling. Eddie grabs the chocolate syrup and drizzles some into the blender, capping it before turning it on.

“Thanks. Thursday work?”

“It should. Rob doesn’t have school that day and she doesn’t work until that night. When do you work that day?”

“I don’t, actually, the new guy’s taking all my shifts.”

Steve chuckles. “I work that morning but I should be back by eleven, if you want to head to the gym then?”

“Sure, I’ll get Buck up with the promise of muffins.”

“Ooh,” Steve says, “blueberry?”

“Always,” Eddie agrees. “Although I might do some chocolate chip this time, too, I know you’ve got a sweet tooth.” He looks significantly at the blender, and Steve laughs.

“You don’t have to make them just for me.”

“Oh, right, cause I’m not going to have a chocolate chip muffin. And Robin definitely won’t.” He shrugs. “Besides, even if it was just for you, it’d be worth it.”

He’s hesitant as he says it, not sure how his heart will be received, but it’s worth it for the bright blush that Steve turns away to hide.

Eddie sighs, grabs a bowl and the Honeycomb. Steve pours his shake into a glass, and together they separately get on with their day.

Thursday dawns with Eddie cursing his promise to Steve. He’s not a morning person, and the muffins take a while to make.

He finally gets them in the oven and collapses onto the couch with a sigh, pulling his phone out and opening his messages with Steve.

Eddie: are you heading by the coffee shop on your way home 👀

Steve: I could be 👀

Eddie: 👀

Steve: I’ll be home 11:15

Eddie: 👍

Steve gets home with their coffees just as Robin’s trudging to the table to eat. If Eddie’s not a morning person, he doesn’t know what Robin is; she’s a zombie until she gets coffee, and even then she needs not to be spoken to until she’s finished her mug.

She stops in her tracks and makes desperate grabby hands at Steve, who chuckles, kisses her temple, and hands her a cup.

He hip-checks Eddie as he hands him his coffee then continues into his room to change out of his work clothes and into gym clothes.

He’s back in a few minutes, chugging the rest of his own coffee and throwing it in the trash on his way to the table, sitting down with a happy sigh. “Thanks, Eds.”

Eddie chuckles. “No problem, Stevie.”

“You have a plan for the gym?”

“I don’t have a plan for my life, dude. I just climb whatever I want to climb.”

Robin mutters something under her breath about climbing and Steve and trees. Under the table, Steve kicks her.

Eddie decides he doesn’t want to get in the middle of that.

Soon enough they’re on their way to the gym. Steve’s driving, and Robin has permanent passenger privilege, which means Eddie’s relegated to the backseat. He doesn’t mind, he knows how Steve and Robin are, but he lets his mind wander.

Sure, Steve’s hot. That’s a pretty objective fact. But he’s also kind. He can also be kind of a bitch, but really that just adds to his charm. He’s fiercely protective of his friends but will let people walk all over him.

Eddie wants to protect him. He wants to show Steve that he’s worth just as much as anyone else is; more, to Eddie. He wants to take Steve on drives, hold his hand over the console. He wants to get a bucket of popcorn at the movie theater and spend most of the movie eating popcorn and talking shit about the characters, fingers getting tangled when there’s just unpopped kernels left.

He wants them to know each other so well that they don’t need to ask, just do instead; he wants to surprise Steve with a coffee because he knows he’s tired, or a sweet treat because he knows he’s had a bad day.

They get to the gym before he can follow that specific train of thought too far.

“Chrissy!” He yells, grinning at the redhead, who grins back.

“Eddie! And Steve, hi! And- is this your sister?”

“This is Robin,” Steve agrees, pushing her forward.

“Hi,” she squeaks out, eyes wide.

“I like your name,” she says.

“Oh. Um. Thank you? I didn’t pick it.”

Chrissy giggles. “No, but you didn’t change it, either, that’s gotta count for something. You’re here for a membership, right? Have you been here before?”

“Y-yeah, and uh, I have, a few times.”

Chrissy pouts. “And I’m just now meeting you? That’s not fair!” She blushes a little, focuses on the counter when she says, “Maybe we could get to know each other more? Maybe over dinner?”

Robin blinks until Steve nudges her. “Yes!” She bursts out. “Please. I’d, um, I’d like that?”

Chrissy grins at her. “I’m glad. I can’t get your number while I’m on the clock, but maybe I could give you mine? We could text, find a time to meet up?”

“O-okay,” Robin agrees.

Steve nudges Eddie, and they slip away after scanning their tags.

Steve sighs happily. “I knew they’d get along.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie laughs. “Casanova, I know. You gonna climb or work out today?”

Steve shrugs a shoulder. “Probably just work out, but I’ll definitely come watch you two when I finish.”

“Cool,” Eddie says. “Um. You can come find me if anyone bothers you, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Steve agrees warmly. “Same to you.”

Eddie snorts. “Right, like this is so attractive.” He gestures to himself, and Steve stops in his tracks, brows furrowed.

“You- you’re joking, right?” Eddie gives him a confused look, and Steve’s brows skyrocket. “Dude, you know you’re insanely hot, right?”

“Tell that to all of the boyfriends I’ve had. Oh, wait, I haven’t had any.”

“Okay, and that’s their loss. You’re a great friend and I know you’d be a great boyfriend. Or fuck, if you’re looking for a one night stand. You’re attentive and conscientious and you put others’ needs above your own. And, again, you’re hot. Hell, if I’d ever had any indication you wanted me back, I’d be all over you.”

“You-” Eddie blinks. “What?”

Steve winces. “I didn’t really mean to say that here. Can we, like, ignore it? Until we’re home? Or forever?”

“I mean, it takes two to have a conversation, so I don’t really have a choice unless I wanna talk at you, but…” he shakes his head. “What the fuck, dude?”

Steve winces again. “I know, I’m sorry, I swear Robin rubs off on me and I just start rambling. But I can- I mean, it’s been this long and I haven’t, like, acted on it, and I can just… continue to not act on it, y’know? Nothing- nothing has to change.”

“I think everything’s going to change,” Eddie says, then notices the way Steve’s holding himself, small and unsure, and relents. “We can wait till we’re home,” he says softly.

Just then, Robin runs up and flings herself at Steve. “Dingus!” She exclaims. “I have a date!”

Eddie watches Steve pull back behind a wall, plaster a smile on his face. Only the edges peel a little, let Eddie know it’s not real. Robin would notice, too, if she weren’t so excited. “That’s great, Robs!”

“I know! I mean, we don’t actually have a date yet, but we’re going to, unless I completely misread what she meant by get to know me-”

“You didn’t.”

“Okay cool, cool. Ah! I’m so excited!”

Steve grins at her. “That’s seriously great, Robbie. I’m super excited for you. Where are you going?”

“There’s that new coffee shop down by the mall, y’know? She’s never been, and I’ve never been- should I go first? To, like, figure it out? So I don’t look stupid?”

“I mean,” Steve says, “she hasn’t gone either, right? So whatever happens, you’ll learn together.”

“Oh, that’s true. Okay. I won’t go first, then.”

Steve snorts. “Okay. You want the car or were you planning to take the bus?”

She rolls her eyes. “You know I don’t drive unless I don’t have a choice. And the bus goes right to the mall anyways, and it’s not that far a walk to the coffee shop.”

“Okay,” Steve shrugs.

“Okay,” Robin says, clapping her hands with a grin and looking between the two of them. “What are we doing first?”

“We aren’t doing anything,” Steve tells her. “I’m just working out today.”

Eddie’s heart tugs pitifully. He pushes it away. “I’ve got no idea what I’m gonna climb,” he says, and looks around. “Maybe that route, with the green holds to start?”

Robin frowns at him. “I can do that one.” Eddie shrugs, so she does, too. “Alright. I guess just… yell? When you’re ready to go?”

“Can do,” Steve nods, and takes off for the gym.

Eddie turns to the wall with a quiet sigh as Robin heads off in search of a route to climb.

Eddie tends to throw himself into things, he’s well aware. He knows putting his earbuds in won’t help that fact, but it’ll help distract him, so he does it.

It’s only when there’s a tap on his shoulder that he wakes up and realizes his hands are shaking. “Hey,” Robin says when he takes his earbud out. “Steve’s waiting up front for us.”

He follows her out, slips into the backseat. Can’t help but notice the way Steve’s eyes slide over his face in the rearview mirror.

When they get back, Eddie’s barely extricated himself from the backseat by the time Steve’s in the apartment with his door shut.

With a heavy heart, feeling like he’s walking to the gallows, he knocks on Steve’s door. “Steve?” He asks. “Can… can we talk? Please?”

He doesn’t say a word. Doesn’t make a sound. Doesn’t come out that night, even for dinner.

Eddie goes to bed with a heavy heart, but doesn’t actually fall asleep until nearly four in the morning. He wakes up to the sound of Steve’s door closing again. He rolls over, buries his face in his pillow, and quietly cries himself to sleep again.

He doesn’t see Steve at all that day. He finally catches him the next morning. It’s earlier than he’d like to be awake, but it’s not like he’s going to be able to sleep without talking to him.

He walks out to the kitchen and stops short at the sight of Steve.

He looks terrible. His eyes are puffy, his hair is flat and greasy, and his shirt is creased and rumpled.

“Steve,” he murmurs, flinching when Steve jumps. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Sorry,” Steve says nonsensically, hurrying around the kitchen. He won’t look at Eddie. “Sorry, I- I’m almost done, I’ll get out of your hair-”

“Steve,” he quietly repeats. “Can we talk?”

“I’m sorry,” Steve says again. “We- we don’t have to, I can- I’ll get over it, nothing has to change. Or- if you’re not comfortable with it, if you want to move- or if you want me to move-”

“I don’t want to move. And I don’t want you to move. Steve, please. Just talk to me.”

Steve shudders out a sigh. “I think I said it all already. What, you want to hear it again?”

“Clearly this time,” Eddie says. “Yes. Please.”

Steve sighs, runs his finger along a crack in the countertop, where two pieces join up. “I like you,” he whispers. “And I have for a while.” He grips his mug tight, shuts his eyes. His shoulders round, his head dips. “And I- I know you don’t feel the same, and that’s fine, I can get over it-”

“Hang on a second, Stevie,” Eddie requests. He takes a small step forward. “Who said I don’t like you back?”

“Well, why would you?” He asks. “I love too fast and too hard. Even Nancy couldn’t keep up and she’s the most intense person I know.”

“There’s a difference between just plain intensity and devotion,” Eddie murmurs. He takes another step forward, leans sideways on the counter. “I know devotion. I’ve known it, I think, since you walked into my life.” Steve sobs once before cutting himself off, curling into himself even more. “Stevie?”

“Don’t say that,” he whispers. “Please don’t.”

“It’s true.”

“It can’t be. I- I don’t get that. I don’t get you. It’s not that simple.”

“Why not?” Eddie questions. “It’s the truth, Stevie, I liked you the moment I saw you. Then I saw you interact with Robin, and I saw the bitchy persona you pull out sometimes, and I saw you tired and sad and mad and sick and goofy, and I’ve loved every single facet of you that I’ve seen. What haven’t I seen yet, Stevie? Why can’t I like you? How can I prove that I do?”

Steve shakes his head, releases his mug to wrap his arms around himself. “You can’t.”

“Then how can I help you prove it? Stevie,” he murmurs, taking another careful step forward. “Sweetheart. Can I hug you?”

Another choked noise. A small nod.

Eddie steps forward again, his last two strides taking him all the way to Steve. He gently pulls him in, tucks his head on his shoulder, wraps an arm around his waist and runs a hand through his hair. “Sweetheart,” he murmurs again, “how could I not love you?”

“No one ever has. Why would you be different?”

“Robin?”

“‘S different.”

“Then maybe I am, too.”

He pulls back, pushes Steve’s hair out of his face with a sad smile on. “Hey. You got anywhere to be for the next little bit?” Steve shakes his head. “Good, then c’mon. You can bring your coffee.” He pulls back entirely, just holding on to Steve’s left hand so he can grab his mug, then leads him to the living room, where he pulls Steve down onto the couch and into his arms again.

“I don’t know if you caught it,” he murmurs, “but when we were at Chrissy’s and she asked how we met, I told her the story of when I knew I fell in love with you. That was all true.”

“I heard it,” Steve admits. “I just couldn’t let myself believe it.”

“All this time,” Eddie breathes. “We could’ve skipped all of this if I’d just told you. I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

Steve shakes his head. “‘S not your fault. ‘S mine.”

“Now I just refuse to believe that,” Eddie tells him. “First of all, I could’ve told you ages ago. That’s on no one but myself. You couldn’t have known how I was feeling.”

After a pause, Steve lifts his head to ask, “and second of all?”

“Okay, I don’t really have one.” Steve hits him with the bitchiest look, and Eddie collapses into giggles.

Suddenly Steve looks unsure. “You even like me when I’m being a bitch?”

“I love you all of the time,” Eddie tells him. “But you being a bitch is definitely one of the reasons I originally fell for you.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. Are you gonna tease me if I say I think it’s hot?”

Steve hums, lays his head back down. “Only a little.”

Eddie snorts. “It is. You can hold your own, and you’re so smart, and… I dunno. It’s hot.”

Steve snorts. “So eloquent.”

Eddie chuckles. “Believe me yet?”

“I’m starting to,” Steve promises. “I think… I think I just need time.”

“Take all the time you need, as long as I can hold you like this in the meantime.”

Steve hides his smile in Eddie’s chest. “Deal.”

They’re still there two hours later when Robin stumbles out of her room.

“Morning,” Steve tells her happily. “Eddie and I are dating.”

“I thought you already were,” Chrissy says, appearing in Robin’s doorway.

[chaosgremlinmunson]

Ok I've tried posting this 6 times now, so here goes nothing.

[scoops-aboy86]

Here’s an out of the ordinary career option for Steve: teppanyaki chef. You know, the guys at Japanese hibachi restaurants that do the whole show of cooking your food right there at a big grill on the table and tossing food into people’s mouths and flipping their cooking implements like it’s no big. 

Inspired largely by the fact that I had teppanyaki earlier this week and the chef, in addition to flipping eggs into his hat and then onto his spatula to break them, was making shrimp fried rice and spelled “I” with the shrimp, “❤️” with the rice, and “U” either the veg and egg. 

Just picture Steve, in the goofy tall hat that does even fewer favors for his hair than the Scoops hat, doing that with the same goofy grin on his face as during the lightsaber handshake bit.

Maybe rockstar Eddie comes in with the band and an entourage one night. He notices Steve making silly faces back and forth with Robin (one of the bartenders or a seating host or something) across the room, and thinks it’s cute. He joins in making silly faces at Steve, who is *delighted* and 100% starts doing it back because usually the customers are too wrapped up in their own lives to notice. 

Robin is a little annoyed that her work buddy has been co-opted for the night, but once she gets a better look at Eddie she just rolls her eyes and laughs under her breath because he is definitely Steve’s type. Then her eyes move a fraction to the left and she notices Corroded Coffin’s manager, Chrissy Cunningham, and immediately goes 😍 for the rest of their stay.

Steve is supposed to spread his attention equally around the table, and he sort of does, but Eddie definitely gets more food tossed in his mouth than anyone else. Maybe he brought a date (possibly a groupie, possibly just someone willing to put out for a celebrity, he’d just sort of shrugged like “okay, sure” when they attached themself to him) for the evening that he’s totally ignoring, because as far as he’s concerned no one else is as interesting as the pretty chef. The date gets visibly more grumpy, which the rest of the band definitely notices, but they all just sort of roll their eyes and sigh because Steve is definitely Eddie’s type, sorry friend, don’t know what to tell ya. Eventually the date gets up saying they’re going to the bathroom, but they take their coat. It takes Eddie, like, half an hour to notice. 

And Steve keeps doing those little flippy things, like with his ice cream scoop and the nail bat, all. The. Time. It’s not even a gimicky restaurant thing, he’s just Like That. He says he can do it with anything and Gareth immediately produces drumsticks (I have never met a drummer who did not have drumsticks on them at all times, often even when another pair has been confiscated), and Steve takes about three seconds to figure out how to twirl them like a pro. Eddie is already removing a ring to propose. Chrissy makes some sort of comment about being in the color guard for marching band (in addition to cheerleading) and speculating whether Steve could spin a saber or rifle and he’s so confident he could do it that Eddie is like, “When is your next break, that could be our honeymoon baby” because he is going to eat this man alive. 

Suffice it to say, Steve ends the night with his dick sucked and within a week he’s gotten Chrissy’s number for Robin, who he’s been talking up incessantly. A month later, he puts Gareth in touch with Will about some sort of artistic commission that Gareth wants, which eventually leads to Will finally ending his pining over Mike streak. 

Steve has to formally apologize to Jeff and Doug for not having any more single friends to introduce them to, but he promises to keep an eye out. In the meantime, have they ever tried Purple Palm Tree Delight? Because he knows a guy…

[wichuizz]

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