#I don't have an appetite for anything much

[renmyr]

When people have seen me in the last year, they comment on my weight-loss and praise all the work they assume I put in to lose at least 70 lbs. Sometimes I used to say I'm sick and have a smaller appetite than I used to, but for the most part I just say I do portion control to manage my weight.

In truth though I don't have a job and cannot afford the foods my body can process. I debate with myself every day about whether i should A) eat something that i have access to, even though i know it will give me cramps and diarrhea, and because I dared to have a bowel movement, i get more cramps, and this cycle continues for weeks on end, because i had a sandwich or something, or B) eat only what I can process, so I wait until I can get my hands on it, which can be days at a time. Doing this causes me to get lightheaded and dizzy until I eat.

Either way I end up bedridden because I am too weak to do anything. This has cost me jobs and relationships With family and friends.

I hope this rambling makes sense, it's 5 am as I type this. My morning started about an hour ago with (you guessed it) stomach cramps and diarrhea. I'm in so much pain lmao I'm gonna try to go back to sleep.

i just think it's bullshit that alternative meats, milks, eggs, breads, and other foods are prohibitively expensive. like i don't know how to tell people that not everyone who eats vegan or vegetarian is choosing to eat that way because of their moral beliefs- a lot of people are eating these foods because they have food allergies or intolerances, or have other gastrointestinal issues

i don't have a choice. it's downright cruel to make these different options more expensive. there is no one size fits all diet- every single person needs a unique diet and some folks literally have no choice but to utilize these substitutes. some vegetarians cant digest soy. some vegetarians can't eat beans. i also don't know how to tell you that not every vegetarian or vegan can ingest raw vegetables and fruits, or even cooked ones, for that matter

there are a LOT of health conditions like irritable bowel syndrome, gastroparesis, crohns disease, and other gastrointestinal issues that can cause a person to become very sick or even die if they ingest too much raw plant matter, especially vegetables high in fiber. when these fibers cannot be broken down by a person's digestive system, they can form blockages in the intestines and kill people. not every person on this planet benefits from eating a lot of leafy greans. some people are allergic to chlorophyll. some people are allergic to citric acid. diabetic people have to be careful with certain vegetables and fruits causing spikes or dips in blood sugar, and many people with diabetes end up with gastroparesis, or similar gut issues. there are a lot of reasons why people can't just switch to a diet of salads and fruit smoothies every day.

alternative foods need to be available to everyone, regardless of how much income they make. having safer alternative foods should not be relegated to the rich. these are not just being consumed by spiritual white moms on instagram. these foods need to be accessed by disabled people all over the world.

[hellodaekko]

and if I said Morgan and Seer Obscura spent Valentines Day together what then huh. coping for what could've been

It was NOT intentional, Morgan drove to their place after another not-so-great mental night on the 13th and spent long enough there that the hours crawled itself into the holiday. They ate leftovers Seer Obscura ordered in earlier in the day, they had so much of it left from their lack of appetite and they didn't have it in them to make food. Anxiety about what you can and can't see will do that to ya'. They watch tv together, something familiar and from their childhoods. They're on separate ends of the couch and very asleep. Seer Obscura almost curled up into a ball and Morgan with his arms across the arm and spine of the faux leather with his head thrown back snoring. The noise of the tv isn't very loud, its just enough to provide some white noise while still making his snores audible, he isn't very loud but its there and its soothing in a weird way. They don't stay asleep for long-- Morgan wakes up first and has a mini freak out because shit he's got a meeting later. He debates on whether or not he should wake Seer Obscura up to say goodbye and decides it would be the polite thing to do, to bid his farewells and to ensure they don't develop 5 different cricks in their neck and spine by sleeping on the couch.

He places a light hand on their shoulder and squeezes. It doesn't take much for them to stir. "I've gotta go, but let me know if you need anything, ok? You should head to bed as well." "Oh, ok. Drive safely, and sorry to keep you so long." "I already told you it's no big deal. Have a good night." "Mhm, thank you for coming, Morgan." And, huh! A hot flash runs through his body at their quiet, sleepy voice saying his name! Whatever that means? Maybe he's getting sick. . . . No, he's not stupid, they just say his name nicely. Yeah. But still! Whatever that means. He's choosing to ignore what that means. The remainder of the day is nothing special, its pretty monotonous actually, but for some reason every detail of the day is etched into his memory anyway. Seer Obscura texts him the next day to say they're dropping off discounted candy as thanks for his support. He's pretty giddy about it.

[takemyadvice-dontlistentome]

Ok, I have some thoughts on the ending of dungeon meshi that I'd like to share, so major spoiler warnings ahead for the end of the manga.

Specifically, I have some thoughts on the Winged Lion's curse, and that I actually don't think it is a curse - at least not a literal, intentional, "I am cursing you" type curse. I don't think the Winged Lion came up with a customized ironic curse for Laios specifically, and cursed him as its final act before disappearing.

Consider the two components of the curse as it is generally discussed in the fandom. The first is that Laios always feels hungry/never feels full or totally satisfied, and the second is that monsters are afraid of him and avoid him. I'll start with the first part.

When we see the backstory of the Winged Lion/the Demon, we learn that it essentially gained consciousness by discovering desire/hunger and developing an appetite. This happened because it ate the desires of other creatures, first small ones like bugs, and eventually worked its way up to humans. Once this appetite exists, it only grows and requires more and more to feel sated but the satisfaction never lasts long. We see that the Winged Lion is disappointed after finally eating Thistle's desires (which are particularly complex and have been marinating for a thousand years) and then is hungry again pretty much immediately.

I think, when Laios ate the Demon's desires, he became the only other conscious being to have consumed desires and therefore developed the same appetite for them that the Demon had developed millennia ago. Laios even says while he is eating it that the craving for more could drive you to do just about anything. When Laios turns human again, the appetite remains, but he no longer has the physiology to be able to consume desires. (Remember that the ability to do so was something he specifically stipulated in his description of the perfect monster). Therefore he has an insatiable appetite for something that he physically can't consume, and this manifests as a constant feeling of hunger. It's not something the Winged Lion chose to do to him, it's just what happens when a conscious being eats desires - they always want more, forever.

This is so tragic and poetic to me because in doing this, Laios dooms himself to a lifetime of discomfort, but saves the rest of humanity and also saves the Winged Lion in a way. The world is a much safer place if a hunger like that is felt by a mortal human who can't act on it, than by an immortal eldritch god-being with immense power. And the Demon can go back to being a chill elemental force rather than a conscious being that's always insatiably hungry.

Moving on to the next part of the curse: Monsters being afraid of Laios and avoiding him. The first thing to note about this is that it's only very briefly mentioned in the epilogue, and Laios apparently thought that this is what the curse was, but we don't have much to go off of. From the information we do get, though, there's another explanation that makes sense to me. Consider all of the information about monster behavior that we learn from the very beginning of the story. The rules are straightforward, it's eat or be eaten, and monsters are just animals at the end of the day. They are trying to survive, and they will avoid a bigger, stronger monster. That's what keeps the ecosystem of the Dungeon in check. I think the monsters are just continuing to interpret Laios as the biggest, strongest monster, since that's what he was at one point and he still wears its skin. It isn't something the Winged Lion did to him on purpose as a final curse - it was a natural consequence of Laios's choice to become the strongest monster, that other monsters would avoid him.

Finally, you might be asking, if there is no intentional curse then what did the Winged Lion mean when he told Laios his greatest wish will never come true now? We know that Laios thinks this means Falin won't be revived, but obviously they do successfully save her, and the Winged Lion actually sort of helps her to be saved, by telling her which way to go after she consumes the dragon.

I think the Winged Lion thinks that Laios's greatest desire is to live as a monster, something that is only possible through the power that comes with being the Dungeon Lord. It's a straightforward logic: no more Demon means no more Dungeon Lords, which means Laios can't have his perfect monster body anymore. I really think it's as simple as that.

In conclusion: When the Winged Lion says "I curse you, now your greatest wish will never come true," I don't think this is like a magical witch's curse, he's just pissed off and is basically saying "Fuck you dude, getting rid of me means you can't live out your fantasy, why did you do that." The other two lasting negative things that Laios experiences are just natural consequences of the things he did.

I've been mulling this over for the past few weeks since finishing the manga and really wanted to share, so if you read all this, thank you and please let me know what you think!

[featherdusterbelphie]

Sick Day w Luci <3

C/W: uh fluff? and uhm, mention of pills and sickness and stuff.

A/n: got so sick last year and it took me two weeks to recover ugh. so i wrote this to make me feel better :)

Word count: 787 words total.

"I had thought it odd when you didn't accompany me to the common room as usual. Beel passed me your message, how are you feeling?"

He sat down beside you on the bed, his hand missing its glove as he checks your temperature. 

"My, you're heating up yet you're cocooned in your blankets...."

"I'm cold," you rasp out, voice scratchy and weak due to your cough. "I've already taken medicine but I'm still cold...."

Lucifer sighs, a furrow in his brows as his hand brush your sweaty hair back from your face. His touch is soft and warm, you feel drowsy from the sensation. "Have you eaten anything before you took your medicine?"

You grunt, slowly shaking your head from where it pokes out from the top of your blanket. Lucifer sighs again, you feel the bed shift and his weight disappearing followed by the sound of your door closing. You close your eyes, curling up even more underneath your blankets. You'll have to eat something later, or else the flu meds might make you even sicker. Ah, but how could you even do so when the outside air is so freezing cold....

You don't know how much time passed but you hear the door open again, and you don't react, expecting it to be Mammon checking in on you one last time before going to school. But the smell of food wafts into your nose, your stomach growling in want.

You finally turn back and come face to face with a bowl of something steaming hot and delicious, making you sit up slowly as Lucifer sets it down on the nightstand. When you finally see what's inside, you see ramen noodles. 

"I didn't have enough ingredients to make something filling for you, but I'll make you something better at lunch."

"Is this Mam's spicy ramen....?" You hesitate to grab the bowl, lifting it up slowly to take a little sip. You cough a little as the temperature and the spiciness assault your throat at the same time.

"I had heard that spicy food helps reduce inflammation in humans. Please eat, I'll give you another pill later after lunch."

You cross your legs underneath the blanket, slowly lowering the bowl in the space between and start to eat. You were lethargic, but still had an appetite, which was all Lucifer could wish for in your current state. He had read that some humans get so sick that they couldn't even swallow water and their fever gets worse. He didn't want that happening to you.

While lifting the bowl again to take a sip of the soup, you glance up from the rim to watch as Lucifer flips through a folder in his hands. Slowly lowering the bowl to your legs again, you clear your throat, "what is that?"

"My work."

You blink, a bit confused. "Here? In my room?"

"Yes," Lucifer gives you a quick glance before returning back to his papers, flipping through them with a gloved hand. "don't bother fighting me on this, I can do my work while at home. I've already told Diavolo, and he's allowed it."

"But you didn't have to...." You argue, voice getting smaller as you feel guilty for keeping him here at home with you. He could've gone to R.A.D. with the others instead, and you feel like you're burdening him by making him take care of you.

"Yes, but I wanted to. Besides, who would look after you while you're like this? You can't even get up to eat, how could you get better at this rate..."

You fall silent. Although you still feel a little guilty for disturbing his work, Lucifer has a point. If he wasn't here, you'd probably just be waiting for your fever to go down before eating anything, assuming that your fever ever goes down with just sleeping it off...

After a few minutes of sorting through his stack of papers, your pride demon lifts up a now bare hand and places it on in your neck to check your temperature. With the way he sighs, you guess it hasn't changed from the last time he checked. He instead places his cool palm on your forehead to brush your hair back, you close your eyes at the comforting feeling that brings back memories of your childhood. You feel like that troublesome child once again, who's being taken care of by your mother.

"Get some rest." His voice sounds a bit muffled as sleep tried to pull you away again, the combination of your breakfast, the flu pill and the weariness of your body lulling you into a peaceful dream. You vaguely feel the bed shift beside you before all goes dark.

(AO3 version :)

[ventique18]

-Convo with a Yuu who doesn't like eating-

Malleus: Love, I do understand that you're not overly fond of eating, but perhaps you should eat more if only for the sake of your health. Look at your wrists: skin and bones. I might accidentally snap you in half if you continue like this.

Yuu: Please snap me in half.

Malleus: ... Perhaps you should learn to say things at their appropriate time and place, as well.

[wizardnuke]

does anyone know if we have to roll that rock up the hill again tomorrow

[mochinon-yah]

I wanna be in my room while reading a webnovel rn 😭 aaaaaAAAAGAA-

[kyouka-supremacy]

Failed a social interaction 0 injured 1 killed (me)

[cuntwrap--supreme]

Dog has a swollen lymph node. Just one for now. Which means her cancer is getting worse already. The longer this goes on, the more detached I feel from reality.

[ivan-fyodorovich-k]

well lots to think about there

[fragglerockopinions]

.

[february-academia]

28.04.2023

So much happened this week. (In tags I'll rant about it)

N4 is coming and my prep is not at all good. Took a test today and i failed🥲. But i know my prep is soo bad,it was bound to happen. So have to study for that.

College exams are coming🥹 also have to study for that. The dissertation proposal is in the finalising stage,so that's good. But have to work on it properly imo.

Then i also proposed another research study to my professor and he has encouraged me to go for it. So,also have to work on it.

These very cutu plants in the scorching heat were a treat to eyes and mind.

Got this book from the library and I'm really enjoying reading the essays.

( correction in a tag- she scored less than me in class and she was all sad sad. With her i had to suppress my happiness at moments like these)

[zhooniyaa-waagosh]

I hate getting to the point of hunger where thinking of eating just makes me nauseous. I can go the whole day without eating and then look at food that I usually love and my stomach just turns.

I know that's just a hunger response for me but it certainly doesn't make eating any easier.

[longlive2023]

think I might be a little bit depressed

[a-god-in-ruins-rises]

[kerosene-saint]

I am freaking out this restaurant is way too fucking loud