#and last sunday i was very excited to this dish and i wanted to take more and she said very rudely how much more will you eat? i said i did

[february-academia]

28.04.2023

So much happened this week. (In tags I'll rant about it)

N4 is coming and my prep is not at all good. Took a test today and i failed🥲. But i know my prep is soo bad,it was bound to happen. So have to study for that.

College exams are coming🥹 also have to study for that. The dissertation proposal is in the finalising stage,so that's good. But have to work on it properly imo.

Then i also proposed another research study to my professor and he has encouraged me to go for it. So,also have to work on it.

These very cutu plants in the scorching heat were a treat to eyes and mind.

Got this book from the library and I'm really enjoying reading the essays.

( correction in a tag- she scored less than me in class and she was all sad sad. With her i had to suppress my happiness at moments like these)

[homestylehughes]

dinner for two

pairing(s): quinn hughes x fem!reader

summary: a dinner at home, for two people in love.

warning(s): fluff, major fluff. two idiots in loveeee. use of pet names, and y/n. little suggestive at the end.

wc: 1.4k

an: hiiiiiii!!! i might have promised this fic a few days ago, but i finally finished it up today!! i figured we could use a little soft quinn fic, after last night. i love this, its soooo cute. i hope you all enjoy! like and reblog if you. as always much love <3

happy reading <3

Soft music plays through the house, as y/n moves around the kitchen, deciding she’d cook dinner, since she and Quinn would both have Sunday night off. She hasn't seen Quinn very much recently, even though they live together and sleep in the same bed. Their schedules have been complete opposites recently, only seeing each other at night, maybe briefly in the morning before they both leave.

So this morning when Quinn told her he'd be home around dinner time tonight, she immediately thought of something she and Quinn could do on their free night off. Which brought her here, slowly swaying to the music as she stirred the sauce, deciding to make Quinn's favorite pasta dish. 

Y/n wanted to make her own version of a candle lit dinner but at home, wanting a quiet night in with quinn, just the two of them. She checks on the pasta briefly before turning to the counter, now working on their garlic bread. Placing it on the pan, add a few more seasonings on top, then popping it into the oven. 

Siring the sauce, giving it a small taste, nodding her head in satisfaction. Making her way to the dining area, placing a few candles on the table, along with napkins and silverware, placing them neatly in front of each of the chairs, where she and Quinn would be sitting. Stepping back to look at her work, a smile breaking through on her face, excited to see Quinn and his reaction. 

Stepping back into the kitchen, checking on the garlic bread, seeing that it's done. Pulling it out of the oven placing it on top of the stove. The pasta was also done at time, bringing it over to the skin straining the water out leaving just enough to add to the sauce. Transferring it into a bigger pan, before pouring the sauce over it, mixing it together. 

Her phone chimes as she's mixing the pasta, turning and tapping her phone, showing a text from Quinn that he’ll be home in 10. Perfect y/n thinks to herself, that leaves her enough time to plate the food, grab a bottle of wine, and change into the dress she got earlier today to surprise Quinn in. 

Finishing up the pasta, y/n turns to the fridge to grab the bottle of wine she’s had chilling in there all day. Bringing it to the table along with glasses, placing them neatly next to the candles that are there. y/n turns her heel, jogs up stairs to their room, to slip on the black lace dress she picked out just tonight. The dress hugged her in all the right places, quickly fluffing her hair and applying some lip gloss looking herself in over in the mirror a few times before heading downstairs. 

Quickly grabbing the plates, filling them with pasta, bringing them over the table, setting them down before heading back to the kitchen to do the same with the garlic bread. Setting everything in place, making sure everything is perfect. Just as she's lighting the candles, she hears a key in the door, signaling the quinns home. Lighting the candles quickly, placing the lighter back in a random drawer in the kitchen. 

Her feet padding their way to the hallway, standing by the door just as Quinn opens it. Looking up Quinn sees y/n standing there, dropping his bags quickly making his way towards her. Before he has the chance to speak she cuts him off, pulling his hand through the house, the smell of food hitting his nose. 

Stopping in the dining room, Quinn takes in the scene around him, his breath catching in his throat, as he's looking over the candle lit dinner y/n prepared.

 “Do you like it?” y/n says softly from beside him. Quinn turned to look at her,

 “I thought I would surprise you with dinner, just the two of us.” she says softly again looking at him. 

“This is amazing, you're amazing.'' Quinn says before pulling y/n into a hug, wrapping his arms around her middle pulling her into his body as far as she can go. 

y/n giggling, her face pressed into his neck. Pulling back just enough to a kiss on the side of it, moving her face now in front of quinns. Looking into his eyes only to see that they are filled with love and adornment. 

“I love you '' Quinn softly says before pulling her into a sweet kiss, signing into her mouth. He missed the taste of her lips so much, his grip tightening on her hips as she wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him further into her. 

The pair finally pull back from each other, their lips breaking apart with the sound of a pop, continuing to look at each other. 

“I love you too” y/n says back to him.

 “Now come one, let's eat, i didn't do all of this for nothing”, quinn laughs in response, pulling away from her walking into the dining area pulling out her seat for her. 

“You're so sweet” y/n says sitting down, looking up at a quinn who's flashing her a big smile. 

Quinn couldn't help himself as he leaned down, placing another sweet kiss on her lips before walking over to his chair taking a seat. 

As soon as he sees his favorite pasta dish in front of him, he can't help but pick up his fork in supersonic speed, imminently digging in. The cheesy, spicy goodness surrounding his mouth makes him drop his head back in moan at the taste. 

Giggles erupt from y/n as she looks over at Quinn, who has a pleased and peaceful look on his face as he eats. She couldn't help but steal little glances at him as they ate. The couple bouncing back and forth between topics, their conversation ever heading as they eat. 

“This was really nice, thank you baby,” Quinn says from behind her as she takes the plates to the kitchen, setting them in the sink to be washed.

 “You're so welcome” she says, turning back to smile at Quinn, who's now leaning against the counter. 

“I'm so lucky” he says, now walking over to where y/n stands, his arms wrapping her as she does the dishes,

 “I don't know what I did to deserve you”, placing small kisses on her neck, causing her body to melt against his. 

y/n sighs lovely at quinns words before turning around, Quinn arms now moving to the counter beside her, caging her in. 

“i love you” y/n says looking into his eyes, hoping he can feel the love she has for him through her gaze. 

“I love you” he says, tucking a piece of stray hair behind her ear, pulling her into a sweet kiss before pulling back.

She can feel his gaze as he looks her up and down, “baby this dress”, he hands tracing along the soft lace details, bringing his hands to rest on her waist, her dress bunching up where they rest. 

“I'm guessing you like it?” she says quietly to him. 

“I love it, haven't been able to take my eyes off you all night”. 

“Well you'll be happy to find out that i'm not wearing anything under it” y/n sending quinn a wink before turning back around to work on dirty dishes in the sink. 

Just as she goes to grab the sponge, she feels herself being lifted up in the air, her body now sitting over quinns shoulder. 

“Quinn!” y/n yelps out from above him, as he begins walking them out of the kitchen. She can feel the cool air, suddenly hit her bare bottom, 

“Where are we going?” she asks, before she can feel Quinn taking the stairs, most likey up to their bedroom. Quinn doesn't respond as he opens their door, setting y/n gently on the bed, before pulling off his shirt now leaning over her. She can't help but drop her gaze to his now exposed chest, begging to be touched by her. 

“I'm going to have my desert if that's okay with you?” Quinn says before quickly connecting their lips together. His hands slipped under her dress, pulling it above her head quickly, before bringing their lips back together. 

Dirty dishes were long forgotten in the sink, their busy lives that they both had to go back to the next day didn't matter, all that mattered was that they had each other, spending the rest of the night intertwined in the sheets. 

[mjlovescm]

Sunday skincare

a/n: some much need Rodrick fluff ! Should I do more ?

“Not happening,” you told Rodrick as you began to gather your things.

“Please, baby, please,” he begs. “I miss you, and my bed misses you a-”

“It’s not gonna happen, Rodrick.” You cut your boyfriend off. “The last time I slept, my face broke out, and my sleep schedule was ruined for a month.” You were unfortunately, not exaggerating. 

“That was a while ago. Your skin is perfect, and I swear we'll be asleep by eleven.”

“P.m or A.m?”

“P…m?” he says, unsure. 

You give Rodrick a stern face, saying again, “It’s not gonna happen.”. Your sleep and skin were very important to you after years of all-nighters and breakouts. You liked to stick to your routine no matter what. And if that meant early bedtimes and strict routines, then so be it. 

Weeks passed, and although Rodrick respected your wishes, parts of you did miss sleeping besides the snoring boy. So after days of dropping hints, Rodrick read your mind and again asked if you would sleep over.

“So I’ve been thinking… one night won't completely  ruin your schedule right ?”

“Maybe.” you say cautiously. 

“So if we go to bed early and my bedsheets are washed…Can you stay tonight?”

“Hmm.” You pretended to ponder his question, not wanting to outright say yes. “Fine.”

“Yes.” Rodrick exclaims, pulling his fist close to his body before showering you in kisses. 

“But no staying up, and I swear if I see one pimple,”

“Yes, yes, yes, whatever you want, baby, whatever you want-”

Your boyfriend continues to shower you in thank you’s and whatever you want’s as he hugged and kissed you. Although you were excited to be spending the night with Rodrick you’d be lying if you weren't worried. You tried your best to hide it but Rodrick could read your face no matter what.  

“Trust me okay you're gonna get all your hours and this pretty face is gonna stay just as pretty.” 

Rodricks kisses you, caressing your brown skin and assuring you that it would all be okay. With every stroke of his thumb, he waved your worries away. 

“Pretty huh?”

“Yep, and super sexy too.” he says, pinching your cheek. 

“Shut up.” you tell him as your grin grows. 

After dinner with the Heffley's, you were ready to call it a night, a surprise to the family that was often up at all hours of the night. While Rodrick helped his mom with dishes for good son points. You played with Manny for a bit before helping Greg with homework, mostly giving him answers but still showing him to work a few out.  

“Enough hoggin her big head.” Rodrick told his brother as he stood in his door frame.

“Stop being mean.” you told him before the brothers devolved into a back-and-forth. 

“I’ll stop being mean when he stops being ugly.” Rodrick comments before you push him out of Greg's room, closing the door behind the two of you. 

“Let’s go to bed.” 

Rodrick smiles with an almost mischievous grin. 

“What?” you question his facial expression.

“Nothing, just close your eyes, okay?”

“What?” You turn your head to the side, confused. “Why?”

“Because…” Rodrick says this as he takes your hand, guiding you to his room. “I have a surprise for you.”

Now you were even more confused, but regardless, you decided to play along with whatever Rodrick was doing. After stumbling up the stairs to Rodrick’s room, you stood there with him covering your eyes. 

“Ready?” 

“I guess.” 

“Trust me, you’ll love it. Open!”

He moves his hands, and you open your eyes to see Rodrick's bed in silk sheets and an array of products on top of it. As you got closer and could read the products, you realized that they were skincare products. Not samples or travel-sized either, full-sized face wash, oil cleanser, toner, and moisturizer. 

“What-”

“Surprise!” Rodrick says, that miscious grin bigger than before. “I know your bonnet falls off, so that's why I got the sheets and-”

You didn't let him finish; instead, your lips met Rodrick’s, and you pulled your boyfriend into a hug. 

“You didn't have to.” you told him in a soft voice.

“Yeah, I did. What are good boyfriends for? Plus, if this stuff makes you look this good, imagine what it’ll do for this ugly mug.”

He gives you a kiss before handing you a pair of his pajamas to change into. Once you're both in pajamas, you and Rodrick make your way to the bathroom and start on skincare. He holds your bonnet as you wash your face and pays attention to the way you use every product.

“So this wash is for basic cleansing, then the oil one is for extra cleansing?” Rodrick questioned as he dried his face. 

“Yep then toner shrinks pores and moisterizer-” 

“Moisterizes!” he beat you to it. 

“Exactly.” you say, giving him a kiss before the both of you move onto the next step. 

Once you're finished with your skin, you and Rodrick struggle to crawl into the now slippery bed. But once you’re comfortable and in your boyfriend's arms, you're out like a light. 

“My face feels so fresh.” 

“I told you that double cleansing does wonders,” you say as you yawn. “Goodnight baby.”

“Goodnight y/n.”Rodrick whispers before pressing a kiss to your forehead. “My pretty girl.”

masterlist The freak and his cheerleader Traces of you on my pillowcase, 🍋

[slippinmickeys]

The Unseelie Court (12/16)

As the clock drifted closer to 5:00 pm, the air in their office became a little thinner, a little less fraught. They had both come down from the excitement in Skinner’s office and had finally settled into a comfortable silence. One that Mulder eventually mustered the courage to break. 

“Do you want to come over tonight?” he asked, feeling somewhat sheepish. He could think of nothing better than spending a Friday evening with Scully, of waking up late, whiling away the day in bed for the whole of the weekend. 

Scully smiled at him. “I wish I could,” she said. “But I promised my mom I’d head up to Baltimore tonight. She committed to bringing the baked goods to St. Agatha’s on Sunday and I promised I’d help her bake.” 

Mulder’s heart fell and it must have shown in his face. 

“I might be able to get out of services if I tell her I have to work,” she said. “Maybe I can get back into town tomorrow afternoon.”

That would still give them an uninterrupted 24 hours. 

“I’ll make it worth your while.” 

“I’ll remember you said that.” 

***

“Do you remember Teddy Abernathy?” Her mother asked in a delicate tone that meant that she was meddling and was more than aware she was doing it. “He’ll be at church on Sunday, and I thought I might reintroduce you.”

They sat at Margaret Scully’s small kitchen table, having eaten a casserole and a simple green salad. Nevertheless, her mother had set out her good china, and a vase of cut hydrangeas overwhelmed one end of the table, the flowers having turned from pink to green in the light of the late summer sun. 

“Is he the one with male pattern baldness or the one with the weird underbite?” Scully asked cheekily, standing up to collect the two delicate plates and trundle them to the frothy sink. 

Maggie scoffed. “He’s the ophthalmologist with a summer home in Rhode Island,” she said tartly, reaching for her glass of chablis. “He’s also a very nice man.”

‘Nice,’ was usually Mom code for ‘devout.’ 

Scully began scooping the leftover casserole into tupperware so that it could cool. It wasn’t the first time her mother had tried to play matchmaker, but it was the first time she’d done so while Scully was in a relationship with Mulder. 

“Mom, I appreciate you looking out for me,” she said from the sink. “But I’m not in the market right now.” A spoon she was holding slipped from her hand and disappeared into the suds. 

It felt odd to be on her own after several consecutive days and nights spent in Mulder’s company. Coming to Baltimore had been a rapid depressurization from the immersion, and she found herself suffering a kind of nitrogen narcosis, fumbling her way through a conversation she didn’t want to be having, her fine motor coordination on the fritz.

“You work too much,” her mother went on. “It doesn’t have to be anything serious, but there’s no harm in seeing what’s out there. If you want a family—”

“Mom—” she said, the word coming out more sharply than she'd meant it to. 

Maggie pulled back, miffed, and Scully sighed and walked back to the table, sliding back into her chair with an eye to making amends. 

“I know you’re just trying to help,” she said, reaching out and giving her mother’s hand a brief squeeze. 

“I shouldn’t have mentioned your having a family, Dana,” Maggie said, accepting the olive branch. “That wasn’t fair of me.” Scully pressed her lips together, remembering her mother’s reaction to Emily. “It’s just–I want you to be happy. I want you to have a full life. Dating someone can—”

“I am dating someone.” She wasn’t sure why she said it. Maybe to just get her mother to stop, maybe because it was nice to actually say out loud. 

Her mother’s face changed from one of concern and sympathy to pleased curiosity. Scully instantly knew she should have kept her mouth shut. 

“How did you meet?” 

There was no getting out of it, now. 

“Work,” she said, standing up once again and busying herself, grabbing the last of the dinner dishes to take them over to the sink. 

“Dare I hope it’s a charming prosecutor with his sights set on the gubernatorial office?” her mother joked. 

“It is not,” she said, knowing she was committed now to having this conversation. 

“Is it—” her mother started, and then stopped. “Oh. Dana.”

Scully turned to her mother, confirming her suspicions with a look. 

Margaret Scully took a deep breath and then set her glass of wine onto the table with calm precision. 

“How long?” she asked. 

“Not very,” Scully answered, leaning back against the countertop. 

“And does he make you happy?”

Scully didn’t have to think very long before answering. “Yes,” she said, her head dipping down to look at the floor.

“He loves you,” her mother said, a statement. 

Scully nodded, unable to meet her mother’s eye. 

A moment later, Margaret was standing in front of her, had reached out and had her hand on Scully’s cheek, lifting her head so that she could look her in the eye. 

“Loving a man like that…” her mother started, then sighed. “I knew a lot of Navy wives. A lot of Navy pilots. They were all good men, but some of them…some of them flew too close to the sun.” She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her daughter’s forehead. “Be careful.”

***

Discomfited, Scully retired early. She wanted some time to herself, and she was also expecting the blood test results on Daly Carmichael from the state crime lab. She fired up her laptop, but nothing had yet come in. Maybe tomorrow. 

Her mother’s guest room was an amalgamation of furniture from each of her children’s past. The wardrobe in the corner had been Charlie’s, the dresser, Bill’s. She lay back in the brass queen bed trying not to think about all the nights her sister had slept in it. 

Without really thinking about it, she grabbed her phone and called Mulder. He picked up after the first ring. 

“Hey,” he said, his voice warm as soft flannel. “You make it up there okay?”

“Yes,” she said. “The beltway was a nightmare, but I got here in time for dinner.”

Her mother’s house had a quiet, homey atmosphere, insulated from the greater world. It gave an air of being muffled and warm, where the loudest thing was the ticking of a mantle clock and the oven light gave a reassuring yellow glow even at midnight. It was a place that always smelled like paraffin wax candles and roast chicken, a place that felt like a hug the moment you stepped into it.

“How’s your mom?” Mulder asked politely. 

“Good,” Scully said, settling back to listen to the pleasant drone of Mulder’s voice. “She wants to set me up with an ophthalmologist.”

“Maybe that’s not a bad idea,” he said. “Your last firearms qualification score was 98. Not your usual 100. Might be time to upgrade those specs.”

“You’re a riot,” she deadpanned. 

Downstairs she could hear her mother turn on the dishwasher and moments later pad up the stairs and past Scully’s door. 

“Let me guess,” Mulder went on. “Upstanding churchgoer? Drives a Benz?”

“Catholic as the Pope,” Scully confirmed. “Not sure about the Benz, but he’s got a summer house in Rhode Island.”

“So do I,” Mulder breezed. “If that’s the sum total of necessary qualifications to date a Scully woman, I could—”

“I told her about us,” Scully interrupted him. 

“You…did?” he seemed genuinely taken aback. 

“It was either that or agree to an Italian dinner in Inner Harbor with a balding eye doctor.”

Scully imagined sitting across the table from a quiet-spoken and affable Teddy Abernathy. He’d make polite conversation and cover the bill, but he wouldn’t request a table so they could both see the door. He wouldn’t call her with a random bit of esoterica in the middle of the night, wouldn’t lift a string of barbed wire so she could scoot under, wouldn’t wordlessly hand over a Red Vine the very moment her blood sugar dipped below 70.

“You’re going to make your own decisions, but personally I would have taken the free branzino for a week or two before breaking the bad news to my mom. Prescription sunglasses ain’t cheap. And it’s not like you’d have had to put out. Good Catholics save themselves for marriage, you know.”

“Someone should have told me that a few weeks ago. Now I’m never getting into heaven.”

Mulder chuckled drowsily in her ear. 

“How’d she take it?” he asked kindly. 

Scully sighed, didn’t want to tell him that her mom had been a little reticent. “She’s worried Bill’s going to take a swing at you at Thanksgiving.”

“All I’m hearing is that it went well enough that I’m invited to Thanksgiving.”

“That’s your takeaway?”

“I’m an optimist.”

Scully smiled into the receiver and yawned. “Listen,” she said. “Mom and I are going to get started here early. I got out of Sunday mass. I was hoping to get on the road around noon.”

“You want to come directly here?” His voice was tender and rumbly. 

“I was told it would be worth my while,” she said suggestively.

There was nothing but hissing silence for a moment. She could picture him on his couch with his phone to his ear, the front of his jeans getting tight with pressure. 

“Shit, Scully.” 

She smiled. “I’ll call you before I leave, give you an ETA.”

“Okay,” he said, all his clever quips used up. 

“Goodnight, Mulder.”

She pressed the button before he had a chance to respond, smiling to herself. It was fun to be on the giving end of teasing for once. 

Looking one last time at the display on her phone, she frowned. It was nearly out of battery. And she’d left the charging cord she normally traveled with at the motel in Adrian County. Sighing, she turned off the phone in an effort to preserve whatever battery life remained. It would be an analog weekend until she got to Mulder’s.

***

Scully was frosting the final cupcake as her mother slid the last two pies into the oven. 

“You were always the most efficient of my children,” her mother said. “But that would have impressed even an admiral.”

Scully smiled and set the finished cupcake on the paper shopping bag her mother was using to receive them. It was 11:45 am. 

“Are you sure you can’t stay for the afternoon and help me carry all these into mass tomorrow?” her mother asked hopefully. 

“I need to get back,” Scully said, and her mother smiled knowingly. 

“How about I box up a half dozen of these and you can take them to Fox,” she said, nodding toward the cupcakes. 

“Mom—”

“I want to!” her mother said, all enthusiasm. 

She’d been downright chipper about Scully’s new relationship all morning long, no doubt trying to make up for her lack of enthusiasm the night before. 

“Let me grab one of the Christmas tins. I think they’re in the basement.”

Maggie was down the stairs before Scully could argue, and she heard her banging around and opening various boxes. 

Scully’s overnight bag and laptop case were packed and next to the door waiting for her. She’d slept terribly the night before, her rest beset by nightmares from the fairy grove. Not only had Mulder been branded in her dreams by the Unseelie courtier’s symbol, this time he had been chained to the tree, his two different colored eyes boring into hers. “Stay away!” he’d warned her when she tried to get close to free him. She’d startled awake and considered calling him, only to remember that she barely had any charge on her phone. 

Another bang echoed up from the basement.

“Mom, can I give you a hand?” she called down the stairs.

“No, I know right where it is!” came Maggie’s muffled voice. 

If the sounds drifting up the stairs were any indication, that probably wasn’t the case. Scully sighed. Then, eyeing her luggage, she grabbed her laptop and set it up on her mother’s kitchen table, figuring she had at least enough time to check her email to see if the Carmichael bloodwork labs had come back. Mulder would want her to walk him through them, even if they showed nothing. 

Sure enough, there was a new email waiting for her from the state crime lab. She opened the attachment and scanned the results, her brow creasing more and more as she read each line. 

“Found it!” Her mother said from the top of the stairs, startling her. She was holding a small Christmas cookie tin. When she looked at Scully’s face, her smile faded. 

“Dana?” she said. 

“Mom,” Scully said. “I need to use your phone.”

[flowerandblood]

Lead me to the light (Oneshot)

[religious • modern!Aemond x female]

[warnings: fingering, mention of masturbation, religious guilt]

[description: He and she are very religious. They are in love, happy and engaged, but it is becoming increasingly difficult for them, to bear the lack of physical intimacy that they both crave. They decide to try something new. Anon Request.]

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

_____

She met Aemond at the parish school. Once he came with his mother, who was a catechist, to help her carry a few boxes with various things. She helped her in working with children as a volunteer. They organized extracurricular activities and plein-airs in the parish hall, belonging to the nearby church.

She often saw Aemond and his mother at church on Sundays. Alicent always greeted her after they left and had a few words with her, but her son always stood a few steps away, not even looking at them, thoughtful. She noticed, that he always turned, so she couldn't see the scarred part of his face.

One day, the parish priest had the idea, to organize a small picnic for all the faithful in the large parish garden, after the mass. Alicent thought it was a great idea and they ordered the catering together. It was necessary to go for tables, chairs and disposable dishes, so they divided the duties.

“I asked Aemond to drive you to the store. Here's a list of things you need to buy." She said softly, giving her a piece of paper and a bundle of bills, to buy all these things.

She was excited to see him. He intrigued her immensely, and she wondered, if she'd be able to get him to even a brief exchange of words.

Aemond arrived on time. She waited for him on the street and ran to the car, that he parked in the parking lot. She opened the passenger door and sat in the seat, smiling at him.

"Good morning." She said cheerfully and lightly, it was beautiful, summer morning at its best.

"Hi." He said dryly and dispassionately, glancing in the mirror as he reversed the car, making sure it didn't hit anything. She pursed her lips, placing her hands on the small backpack in front of her.

She rolled over and glanced at his player with a smile, hearing, that AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" was playing. She thought it was a funny song choice, given their religious approach to life. All she could see on the playlist, were rock bands, that she knew well. She heard him twist in the seat next to her, confused.

"If you want, I'll play another playlist." He said low. She looked at him as if he had insulted her.

"You must be joking. It's a sin to switch such a piece." She said amused and laughed, turning her face towards the window.

"I was at an AC/DC concert last year." She added after a moment, thinking with satisfaction about this event, that she went to with her dad, a huge fan of the band.

They were silent for a while, as they listened to the song. She heard him clear his throat softly, as if he wanted to say something, but nothing came out of his mouth. She thought he was cute.

After a few minutes, they arrived at the store. Aemond went in with her, for there were many things to buy, and his mother had told him not to make her carry too much.

She headed for the aisle with disposable plates and cups. There were so many and with so many patterns, that she didn't know, what to choose. She showed him a pattern with flowers and a pattern with colorful, large polka dots.

"Which one do you like more?" She asked, and he looked at her, surprised.

"Does it matter? They'll be thrown away anyway." He spoke reluctantly, but stopped immediately, apparently thinking, that he might have offended her. He turned his head, pressing his lips together. She looked at the plates and sighed.

"Maybe you're right. So what, we'll take plain white? They're probably even cheaper." She said taking the third set, examining it. Aemond looked at her in surprise, expecting his remark to frustrate her. He nodded.

"Let's take the cheaper ones and buy more juices." He proposed. She thought it was a good idea and they did exactly that.

She had the impression, that her openness and lightness of conversation made him relax. She discussed freely with him the choice of what to buy and what would be better on such a hot day. They gave up the chocolate cookies, thinking, they would just melt.

Alicent told her, that she could also choose some extra items herself, if she found something interesting in the store. She decided to buy surprise eggs for the children, she knew they loved them.

They left the store with everything they needed to buy, packing the things into the trunk. They got in and headed back to the church, continuing to listen to his rock playlist, without talking to each other.

When they arrived, Aemond helped her fetch her things from the car and lay them on the tables, that were already set out in the parish garden. She rummaged in one of the bags and pulled out two chocolate surprise eggs, placing one in front of him and the other in front of her. He looked at her, surprised.

"Why are you giving me this? I thought, it was supposed to be for kids." He said low, indifferent. She looked at him, eyebrows raised in amusement.

"And we are not someone's children? Come on, you didn't collect these toys when you were little?" She asked, unwrapping her egg from the foil, breaking it into two halves with a light movement, immediately popping one piece of chocolate into her mouth.

He was about to say something, but his mother came over to them, talking to her. It turned out, that she needed help in disassembling everything and putting it in order. She apologized to Aemond and followed her, leaving him alone.

When everything was ready, they went to mass together. She invited her to sit together in one of the first pews, and she agreed. Aemond gave her a surprised look and made room for her, to sit next to him.

She tried to focus on what the priest was saying, but her mind kept returning to his scent. Some nice, fresh, intense masculine perfume, that made her head spin. His thighs were slightly parted, his feet, like hers, resting on the kneeler.

His knee was touching hers, and though she knew it was an accident, that it was just tight around them, she shivered at the thought. She couldn't help, but involuntarily pressed her leg against his a little tighter. She felt him shift uneasily in the seat, his fingers tightening on each other.

After a moment, to her surprise, it was his knee that pressed tighter against hers. She pursed her lips at the feeling. She knew, that church wasn't the best place to flirt, but she couldn't help the heat, that was welling up in her belly. She felt her cheeks flushed, a wide smile on her face.

Aemond stayed at the picnic that day and talked to her pretty much the entire time, sitting on one of the blankets, eating grapes and drinking coffee from a disposable cup. She lay down next to him, her backpack under her head. She looked up at the sky, talking to him, letting him look at her.

He opened up to her that day and even let her give him a little hug as part of his farewell. From then on, he came to help his mother more often, but she knew, he meant something else. He always sat in the classroom next to her desk with a cup of coffee in his hand.

He pretended, that he was waiting for Alicent to drive her home, but she knew, that he had only come to talk to her for fifteen minutes. It took him several months to get his true intentions out, but he was received with great enthusiasm. They have been together as a couple ever since.

Exactly after a year, he proposed to her and told her, that he did not want to wait long to get married. They decided, that they would get married next year, so that everything could be done on time. They were both happy thinking about the prospect of living together. They got along very well, also in matters of faith.

One day Aemond invited her to spend the night at his house. They had never stayed the night together before. He told her, that Helaena was away for the weekend and her room would be free, so she could take her bed. He suggested, that they watch something together and have a good time. She was thrilled and terrified at the same time.

She didn't want him to think badly of her, but he aroused so much desire in her, that she couldn't bear it. Even though, she hadn't done it before she met him, she started touching herself between her thighs, seeking fulfillment and relaxation. The tension she felt after meeting him, was unbearable.

She did not share this area of life with him, fearing, that he would lose his good opinion of her. She figured, that she'd make it to their wedding somehow.

However, spending the night together was a temptation for her, that she feared would defeat her. She was afraid of his rejection. That if she kisses him more passionately or puts her hand under his shirt, he'll look at her like she's dirty and worthless. However, she decided, that she would try to fight and not give herself out.

When she arrived at their home, Alicent immediately embraced her. The three of them had dinner - Aegon and his father were at work. Their whole family worked in the family business - Aemond once in a while because, like her, he was still studying.

Then they said goodbye, she took her things to Helaena's room and went to him. He was sitting on his bed with his laptop on his lap. He was browsing some platform, looking for some interesting movie.

She climbed onto his bed and lay down next to him, wrapping her arm around his, placing her cheek against his shoulder. He immediately kissed the top of her head, continuing to scroll down, letting out a grunt of displeasure.

"I don't see anything interesting. I don't know why I'm paying for this." He hummed low, sighing softly, leaning his head against the bed. After a few minutes, they decided together, that they would start a series, that was recommended to her by one of her friends.

They began to watch, his arm wrapped around her and pulled her to him. She automatically buried her face in his neck, inhaling his scent, closing her eyes. His hand played with the strands of her hair, curling them around his fingers and letting go.

She felt a pleasant shiver at the feeling, she loved it, when he did that. Her hand ran over his chest thoughtfully. She couldn't concentrate on what she was watching. Aemond looked at her, turning his head in her direction.

"You don't like it? We can turn on something else." He murmured, stroking her head steadily and kissing her forehead. A pleasant shiver ran through her. She thought with horror, that she wanted more. They kissed often. She decided, it was okay, if they did it now.

She looked up at him and moved closer to his face, her lips brushing his, warm and full. He hummed low in contentment, parting his mouth, returning her caress gently with a wet click.

They kissed like that for a moment, tender, innocent, his hand tracing her cheek. She heard his soft moan, as her hand tightened around the nape of his neck, her lips digging deeper, more lustfully into his.

She felt as if he froze for a moment, but she continued to caress him, feeling the throbbing between her thighs, wonderful and hot. She wondered, if he felt it too. He broke away from her suddenly and cleared his throat, looking away.

"So? Are we watching on?” He asked, refreshing the page, rewinding the episode a few minutes.

She pursed her lips and nodded. She felt her whole body stiffen, for some reason, tears of helplessness gathered in her eyes. She buried her face in his neck again, his hand still stroking her steadily.

She felt tears streaming from the corners of her eyes, straight onto his skin, her body twitching slightly, but she made no sound. Aemond felt wetness on his neck and propped himself up on one elbow to see, what was happening. When he saw her red, tear-stained face, he immediately stopped the movie, staring at her, horrified.

"What's going on?" He asked anxiously, stroking with his hand her bare shoulder. She couldn't answer him, only began to cry even more, sucking in a ragged breath.

"Hey, baby, what happened? You can tell me." He said soothingly, wiping away her tears, stroking her cheek.

She could see in his gaze, that he was terrified and surprised, she had never cried in front of him before. She shook her head, letting him know, that she couldn't tell him. He pursed his lips, seeing this.

"Really, you can tell me anything. I want to know, what's bothering you." He said calmly, her hand ran over his chest involuntarily. She couldn't look him in the eye.

"You will despise me, when I tell you." She mumbled softly, sniffling, tears flowing from her eyes again, as if the thought of telling him terrified her so much, that all she could do was sob.

She heard him sigh heavily, pressing his forehead against her temple, his long, blond hair lightly tickling her nose.

"I will never despise you. And since I am to be your husband, I want to support you in all your worries.” He whispered softly, his lips lingeringly kissing her scalp once in a while.

She looked at him finally, turning onto her back, their faces millimeters apart. She opened her mouth several times, trying to force it out. She finally made it.

"I desire you." She said in a broken voice. She saw the pain and surprise in his gaze. He swallowed hard, his mouth pressed into a thin line, his body tensed. He didn't answer for a moment, staring at her with wide eye.

"You know… you know, that I desire you too." He whispered softly. She pursed her lips at his words.

"The frustration I feel is unbearable." She said finally, looking away, shaking her head, shielding her eyes with her hand, so he wouldn't see, that she was crying again.

She felt like an empty girl, unable to contain her simplest urges. She heard him exhale loudly, his breath shaky and loud.

"You think it's easy for me? If only I could…” He said and didn't finish, turning his head, looking to the side, his lips pressed together. “…if only I could, I would take you here and now. But we both know, we'd feel guilty afterwards." He added quickly, looking at her uncertainly.

She pursed her lips at his words. She knew, he was right. She wanted to wait until marriage. With this wonderful experience of feeling him deep inside her.

She swallowed softly and nodded her head. They were silent for a moment. She felt, like he wanted to say something, but couldn't.

“I have to relieve myself before each meeting with you. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to resist." He blurted out suddenly softly, his words sending a shiver down her spine. He didn't look at her, embarrassed by his words. She swallowed loudly.

"I… I touch myself too." She said embarrassed, her cheeks burning with tears and emotions.

He looked at her, a silence filled with tension between them. She could feel her muscles clenching with desire, the moisture dripping onto the fabric of her panties. She could see that he was fighting with himself, that something was in the air.

"…can I touch you there?" He asked softly, his voice trembling, unsure. Her eyes widened in shock. She nodded quickly, swallowing hard, her heart pounding like crazy. She was desperate.

"Y-yes. Yes, please, touch me there.” She whispered pleadingly, and he moaned softly at her words, his hand immediately going between her thighs, on the fabric of her panties. She suppressed a moan that escaped her lips and squeezed her eyes shut, her body arching in pleasure.

His fingers pressed lightly against her, starting to massage her through the fabric, moving up and down. A wave of heat ran through her, making her shiver all over. They both started breathing heavily.

"God, your panties are all wet." He whispered softly, delighted and thrilled by what he was doing and seeing. She nodded her head, trembling all over, sweet, soft moans escaped her lips.

Unable to contain himself, he pressed his lips against hers, more passionately and intensely than before. Each time they broke apart and clung to each other, the long, wet click of their saliva accompanied them again.

She moaned into his mouth in surprise, shivering all over, as his fingers slid the material of her panties aside and ran over her throbbing, wet, hot entrance. They both inhaled loudly at the sensation.

"You're so warm." He hummed in delight, his fingers, all sticky with her juices, traveling to her clit, teasing her timidly, seeing how her body would react to it. A sudden, startled groan of pleasure escaped her lips.

"Oh God − yes, touch me like that −" She sobbed helplessly, she felt like she had a fever, her body burning from the inside.

Unwittingly she parted her thighs a bit, allowing him access, and he moaned into her mouth feeling it, his tongue brushing over her upper lip, making them both gasp with excitement.

His fingers sped up, massaging her around her clit with slow, intense strokes, spreading her wetness all over her pussy. He could feel how hot and thirsty she was, how much she needed it, her thighs involuntarily reaching out to meet him. He was so painfully hard that he was dizzy, his cock throbbing in his pants.

He shifted his hand abruptly so that his thumb continued to massage her clit, and his fingers slid over her wet, swollen entrance again. His fingertip teased her, barely slipping in and out, feeling her fleshy walls tighten around him.

"Do you want me to put it in you, baby?" He gasped into her mouth, and she stifled a loud moan, her whole body trembling. She tightened her hand on his hair, burying her nose in his face, her body writhing under his hand.

"Y-yes − please − I need it −" She mumbled, and he closed her mouth with his in an aggressive, sticky kiss, forcing his tongue all the way down her throat.

He slid his finger inside her, stretching her swollen, throbbing muscles, feeling the heat of her body. He thought of how great a delight it would be to enter her, how tight she would clench on his large cock. He began to slip his middle finger in and out of her in a slow, intense rhythm, with the wet click of her juices.

He would never admit it, but he'd read a lot about how to please a woman. He didn't want to hurt her on their wedding night, and he'd thought of her quite often since their engagement.

He wanted to be as prepared as possible, and to be able to touch her so that she would be ready to receive him inside her. He decided that this would be a good training for them, that they would understand and learn what gave them pleasure.

He searched for her sweet spot with his finger, knew that it was somewhere on her upper wall. Suddenly, he felt something like a slight lump under his finger, and she moaned into his mouth in surprise.

He smiled under his breath, massaging this point intensely, rubbing it with a quick, confident motion that made her pant and shiver.

"Feels good, babygirl?" He hummed, a smirk on his face. He felt her walls tightening on him more and more, her hips responding greedily to his every move, seeking fulfillment. He thought it was wonderful what he could do with her body. How sensitive she was to his slightest touch.

"Yes − sweet God − it feels so, so good −" She sobbed, on the brink of despair, all hot and red, she felt hot tension rising up inside her, his thumb and finger touching her two most sensitive places at the same time, driving her crazy. She knew her fulfillment was coming, her head tilted back, her mouth parted, panting heavily.

"− A-Aemond − I'm gonna come − och, God −" She mumbled, and he pressed his lips to hers in a greedy kiss, muffling her loud, helpless moan. He didn't want his mother to hear them and come into his room right now, while his future wife was going through a wonderful, intense orgasm.

He grunted in contentment, feeling her walls tighten on him, refusing to let go, his fingers still massaging her gently, feeling, how sensitive her body was now. He pulled away from her and licked his lips. She was trembling under him, looking at him with a hazy, dreamy look, her mouth slightly parted in pleasure.

"Can I touch you now in return?"

_____

Aemond Taglist:

(bold means I couldn't tag you)

@its-actually-minicika @notnormalthings-blog @nikstrange @zenka69 @bellaisasleep @k-y-r-a-1 @g-cf2020 @melsunshine @opheliaas-stuff @chainsawsangel @iiamthehybrid @tinykryptonitewerewolf @namoreno @malfoytargaryen @qyburnsghost @aemondsdelight @persephonerinyes @fan-goddess @sweethoneyblossom1 @watercolorskyy @astral-blossoms @randomdragonfires @amirawritespoorly @apollonshootafar @padfooteyes @darylandbethfanforever9 @fudge13 @snh96 @diosademuerte

[superlarva]

They're totally paying attention! :)

Welp, I'm starting to think I don't know what day Sunday is...

Regardless, here's Chapter 9 - School Visit of Raising Dominoes.

Prologue: 00 Previous chapter: 08 Next chapter: 10

Summary: Rex and Fives visit the local elementary school.

CW: Implied/referenced child abuse, a very minor curse (I wouldn't really consider it a curse, but just to be careful... also, it's said in narration, not dialogue)

Chapter 9 – School Visit

“I want to see Echo.”

“I know, bud,” Rex sighed, trying not to let the exasperation show in his voice.

Fives had been at it since he woke, refusing to move, eat, or say anything that did not express his want for his twin. Now they sat in the elementary school parking lot, two hours late for their appointment with the principal.

“Fives?”

The boy did not stir from his position curled up in his car seat.

“Fives, look at me,” Rex said, exhaustion allowing some of his usual sternness to slip into his tone.

The kid’s shoulders tensed and his eyes reluctantly wandered over to Rex’s.

“We are going to go see Echo as soon as his doctor tells me it’s safe to see him, okay?”

“Want Echo n-now,” Fives whispered.

His words lacked the high-pitched whiney quality Rex had been expecting and he blinked dumbly, taken aback. The last thing Rex wanted to do was keep the brothers apart. He knew the feeling that accompanied the separation from one you admire, trust, need. He knew the feeling well, and he would not wish it on his worst enemy, let alone his child.

Rex slumped back into the seat and began unconsciously picking at the sleeve of his jacket, mind whirring and leg bouncing erratically, “When- when I was your age, me and your Uncle Cody—er, Cody and I—we, uh, didn’t really have a mom or dad to take care of us.”

Rex paused to take a breath, still unsure where exactly he was going with this story. He could feel Fives’s eyes boring into him and he squirmed, unable to meet the boy’s gaze, “We got sent to a lot of different homes where different people would, uh, take care of us, but sometimes… sometimes they would split us up. Sometimes we wouldn’t go together.”

Rex stole a quick glance at Fives. The boy was staring, waiting for him to continue. Rex attempted a smile, but could not help but feel like it more resembled a grimace. He sighed, hands moving to fidget with the zipper of his jacket, “Every time they separated us, I felt so lost and powerless. There was nothing- nothing I could do, and I never knew when I would be able to see Cody again. And- and I hated it. It was the worst feeling.”

Rex turned to meet Fives’s eyes, “So, I get it. I really do. I know you want to see Echo. I want to see him too. If I could do anything I wanted, I’d bring you to him right now.”

“…you would?” Fives asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“I would.”

“I-I don’t want to go without Echo,” Fives mumbled, turning his attention towards the elementary school.

“We have to go take a look at the school because I told them we were coming and they are all super excited to meet you,” Rex said, starting to regret his decision to not include Fives when he and Cody called the school to set up a meeting and tour. “It’s going to be really fun. They’re going to show you around and tell you about all the cool things you’re going to learn.”

Fives made a face, “Echo should be here. Not me.”

Rex felt as if he had just been stabbed in the heart, “No. No, you should be here.”

Fives scoffed and turned his head so his face was obscured from Rex’s view.

“No, Fives, listen to me. You should be here. Echo should be here too, but you should be here. I- you-” Rex sighed, letting his head fall into his hands. He wished Cody were here. He would know what to say.

Cut would know what to say too. He had kids. Little rascals, if Rex remembered correctly. He had to make everything into a game for those kids to do anything. Putting away dishes: who can stack them the neatest? Time to get in the car: who can get there the fastest?

A game.

Of course.

Rex lifted his head out of his hands, “If we go in and take the tour and you remember what they tell you, then when we go see Echo this weekend, you can tell him all about it. Think he would like that?”

Fives turned to face Rex again and hesitated, eyes searching Rex’s for something, before nodding seriously.

Rex smiled, “Sounds like a deal.”

The secretary had them wait on a bench outside the principal’s office until he was ready for them. Given the fact that they had arrived later than expected, Rex had thought the principal would leave them waiting, but almost as soon as they sat, the door opened.

“Good afternoon, young one. I am Mr. Plo Koon,” A tall man that Rex recognized as the principal of the school greeted, smiling down fondly at Fives.

The boy jumped to his feet and stood stiff as a board, almost as if he were standing at attention, “G-good afternoon, Mr. Plo Koon, s-sir.”

The principal’s smile deepened, “My, what lovely manners. You must be Fives?”

Fives nodded, “Yes, sir.”

“Many of the students here call me Mr. Plo, but ‘Mr. Plo Koon’ or ‘sir’ is alright too if that’s what you’re comfortable with.”

“Oh-Okay Mr.- Mr.-” Fives looked up at Rex uncertainly.

Rex nodded and smiled encouragingly.

Fives turned back to the principal, “Okay, Mr. Plo.”

“Very good,” Plo said, beaming down at Fives and clasping his hands together. He then shut the door to his office and began leading them down the hall, “Shall we begin our tour?”

The school was nice. It had clearly been remodeled a few years ago as it had a very modern interior design and was relatively free from wear and tear that would denote that it was the home of tiny grade schoolers for eight hours a day.

They were shown the cafeteria, auditorium, gym, library, and the rooms for the various different extracurricular activities like art and music, all of which Fives marveled at for their large open spaces, walls and walls of books, or amenities.

Mr. Plo was clearly taking pleasure in Fives’s wonder and Rex could not help but enjoy the boy’s delight as well. He was glad that the tour had allowed his mind to wander from Echo, even if just for the good part of an hour.

At the end of the tour, they circled back around and stopped outside of one of the classrooms they had passed on the way to the library. Plo turned to address Rex and Fives, “This one of our second-grade classrooms. If you want, the teacher of this class volunteered to let us sit in on a few minutes so that you could see what it would be like to go here. Would you like that?”

Fives nodded eagerly.

The principal smiled and opened the door. Fives bounded in after him and Rex followed quickly, pulling the door shut behind them.

When Rex looked up he found a class full of 7 year old twisting around in their desks trying to get a good look at him and Fives. The class was eerily quiet and Rex was thankful when the teacher standing at the front broke the silence, “Good afternoon, Principal Plo.”

Mr. Plo nodded, “Good afternoon, 99. Good afternoon, second grade.”

The teacher—99—led the class in a chorus of “Good afternoon, Principal Plo” as Plo ushered them to an empty table in the corner of the class.

Once they were seated, 99 resumed his lesson and Rex scanned the classroom. It was as well put together as the rest of the school. It was bright and colorful, and there was plenty of stimulus for young children.

Rex also got a better look at 99. At first from his voice, stature, and the wrinkles lining his face, Rex had thought the man old like his name, but as he looked closer, he realized the man was not elderly, just had some sort of facial deformity. Perhaps a muscle one as well, as he looked awfully thin and hunched over oddly as he walked.

The children in the class appeared to be engaged and attentive, save for a group of similar-looking boys in the other back corner.

The big bald boy was playing with a toy half hidden under his desk, his face lighting up with joy occasionally from his own, internal musings. His stature was intimidating for a seven-year-old, but such an innocence played out in his eyes that Rex had to believe the kid would not hurt a fly. At least, not on purpose.

The second boy had long wavy hair, pushed back by a red bandana. He was staring out the window, boredom etched across his features. Rex thought he looked a little like Cody when he was fed up someone’s bullshit.

The scrawny one with glasses appeared to be scribbling notes in the margins of a book. He might have been taking notes on 99’s instructions, but Rex doubted it, as no other children had books out to take notes in and the boy was hunched over it like it was the only thing that existed.

The fourth boy was sleeping. Wispy white hair sticking out in all directions as his head rested on his folded arms across the desk. Even through the oversized hoodie Rex could tell by the boy’s pointy elbows that he practically had Fives and Echo beat for the “most emaciated kid of the week” award.

Mr. Plo noticed the direction of Rex’s gaze and gave him a small nudge, “Those are the quadruplets. They transferred here this year. Bit of a special case, those boys. Not so different from yours, perhaps.”

Rex took one last look at the brothers before turning his attention back to 99’s mini lecture. He hoped Fives and Echo would behave differently from those boys at school. He hoped they would at least try to pay attention.

After sitting in on 99’s lesson, Mr. Plo lead them back to his office and had them sit across the desk from him. He laced his fingers together and leaned his elbows on the desk, smiling warmly at Fives, “Did you enjoy the tour?”

The boy nodded, “Mm-hmm!”

“I’m glad,” Plo glanced quickly over at Rex, then turned his attention back to Fives, “Now, your father told me that you’ve never been to school before, is that true?”

Fives looked to Rex before cautiously letting out a small “uh-huh.”

“Okay, that’s alright. Would it be okay if I asked you a few questions?”

“What kind of questions?”

“Well, your dad told me you were really good at math, so I wanted to ask you some math questions. Then we might play a couple games. Is that alright?”

Fives’s brow crinkled and his eyes darted between Mr. Plo and Rex. From the look Rex didn’t doubt Fives knew this was a test, but the boy eventually shrugged and muttered a quiet affirmative.

Fives made it all the way through to multiplication before he started having problems answering the principal’s questions. He clearly did not know his times tables, but from what Rex could remember, that still meant he was on track for second grade.

After the math questions Mr. Plo pulled out a few logic puzzles and had Fives complete them. Fives seemed to do so without difficulty, filling in the picture with the correct puzzle pieces and picking the right color to finish the pattern.

The principal seemed quite pleased with the boy as he put the puzzles away, “You did a very good job, Fives. I just have one more question for you if that’s okay.”

Fives nodded, though Rex could not help but notice that the kid looked tired.

Mr. Plo slid a piece of paper and a pencil across the table, “Could you write your name for me?”

The boy visibly deflated a bit, but he said nothing and reached out, gripping the pencil awkwardly. At first Rex had no clue what Fives was writing; the lines were large and wobbly, curving in places they should not. By the time the boy got to the second vaguely “s” shaped letter, Rex realized what “name” he had been writing and reached out gently to still Fives’s arm.

Large brown eyes looked up at Rex in confusion.

“Fives…” Rex started softly, “That’s your other name. Could you spell ‘Fives’ for us?”

Fives squirmed in his seat, looking down at the paper for a long moment before meeting Rex’s eyes, “This is the only one I’ve seen before.”

“Okay, that’s okay,” Rex whispered, and he honestly was not sure if that was for his son’s benefit or his own. He reached out and flipped the paper over, “Do you know what letter ‘Fives’ starts with?”

The boy opened his mouth to respond, but no sound came out. The room was so quiet Rex could practically hear the tears welling in Fives’s eyes before he saw them. He sprung into action, scooping up the already shaking boy and shushing him softly, hoping to stay the torrent of “I’m sorry”s that were sure to follow.

“It’s okay,” Rex soothed, shooting an apologetic look to Plo before turning his attention back to Fives. “It’s alright if you don’t know. Nobody’s mad. I’m not mad. Mr. Plo’s not mad. It’s okay.”

Fives sniffled against Rex, but Rex could tell the boy was already calming down, his breathing slowing to his usual rhythm.

Rex set Fives back down in his seat, but kept his hand on the boy's shoulder, “Today was a tough day, but you did a really good job, okay? A really good job. I’m proud of you.”

Fives wiped at his eyes, his ears turning a bit red as he mumbled a shy thanks.

Mr. Plo cleared his throat, “Thank you so much for answering my questions, Fives.”

The boy nodded.

Plo continued, “I would like to place you in the class that we sat in on today, if that sounds good to you. The other children will be your age and will be on similar levels in most subjects.”

The principal paused and studied Fives, “Now, Fives, you’re a smart boy and you’re probably going to notice that the other kids in your class are better at reading than you, but can I tell you a secret?”

Fives frowned and looked from Rex to Mr. Plo.

Plo leaned over the desk and lowered his voice conspiratorially, “Your intuition and logic skills are beyond those of many children twice your age.”

Fives shifted in his seat, “R-really?”

The principal nodded, “It’s quite impressive. You'll be reading in no time.”

Fives left the school with higher spirits than when he had entered and that was enough to convince Rex it was the right place to send the twins. As he was setting up for Fives to start the next week and for Echo to start after the holiday break his phone rang.

It was Kix.

"What?" Fives asked after Rex hung up.

Rex smiled, "Go get in the car, we're going to go see your brother."

@marierg @stressed-cherry @ffdemon @renton6echo @bambambunny @tearfulsolace @rndmpeep @brokenphoenix99 @nerdy-valkyrie @xylionet @tazmbc1 @eyayah123 @the-bad-batch-baroness @sarcastic-nebula @ihaventpickedausername @sexysmeagolshitposting @emma-1409 @marcadamia

[dlrconlicense]

MY CULTURAL FIRSTS

Louise Brealey: My first kiss with Sherlock’s Benedict Cumberbatch

The actor and writer on taking acid at her first gig, meeting Michael Caine – and the moment she knew the BBC detective drama was going to be huge

Louise Brealey

LEO STAAR

Jake Helm

Sunday November 12 2023, 12.13am GMT, The Sunday Times

First concert I went to

I would like to say an unknown band called Blur in a tiny tent at Reading in 1994, but I accidentally took my first and very much last acid tab off an apprentice plumber called Tony from Swansea and watched the The on the big stage instead. It was all fine until the music started to creep up from the grass right up my legs and I was surrounded by terrifying gargoyles.

First pop-inspired fashion trends I adopted

I’m afraid I was a relentlessly unfashionable child. I was a square and listened to 10cc I’m Not in Love and The Eagles’ Desperado on repeat. I did love Robert Smith [from the Cure] but I didn’t wear enormous jumpers until my twenties.

First time I realised the BBC drama Sherlock was going to be a huge hit

The read-through was electric, which is not normal. Usually, it’s nerve-jangling because everyone is terrified they’re going to be sacked. A few weeks later I was watching the scene where Benedict first stuck his head round the lab door and said to Martin Freeman: “The name is Sherlock Holmes and the address is 221b Baker Street.” And I thought, yes it is. But really, I realised it was going to be huge when I was on early Twitter and the show went off. When Sherlock kissed [my character] Molly I got 60,000 followers in an hour.

Louise Brealey as Molly Hooper, right, and the cast of Sherlock

TODD ANTONY/BBC

First TV show I enjoyed

Like everyone at school I was obsessed by Jim’ll Fix It. I put two letters into one envelope to double my chances. One was to ask to meet John Travolta because I’d seen him star in The Boy in the Plastic Bubble, a film in which he plays this kid that can’t step outside a little plastic tent or he’ll die. The other was asking to meet the pop star Paul Young — I figured I had a better chance with him because he was from Luton. At least I didn’t do what my brother did and write to Jimmy Savile to ask to meet Rolf Harris.

First film I saw at the cinema

The first film I saw on my own at the pictures was Stand by Me at The Point in Milton Keynes. I had seen River Phoenix in the video for Ben E King’s single on Top of the Pops and was utterly love-struck. That was it. River was the only one for me. I still think River was the great acting talent of his generation.

First time I cried at the cinema

Watership Down. That was actually the first film I saw at the cinema. At the Palace in Wellingborough, when I was five or six. It was the first time I had any clue that creatures die. I was very affected by it — I called my next rabbit Bright Eyes.

First actor I admired

Joan Greenwood in Kind Hearts and Coronets. She was the single most beautiful woman I’d ever seen — and I was fascinated by her voice. I also loved Richard Burton’s voice, mainly because he narrated The War of the Worlds, my dad’s favourite album. I wanted to marry Richard Burton so I could listen to him all day long.

First thing I did to embody my new character Deb in Such Brave Girls

I started with her voice. I wanted to use the Northamptonshire accent. It’s the land of my birth and how my whole family talks except for me because I was a scholarship kid at a posh school, and I’ve never worked in it before. And then the clothes — Deb is obsessed with being feminine, so with her costumes it’s often about the cleavage. I think of her as a wily street rat in dangly earrings.

First famous person I met

I didn’t meet anyone famous until my first proper job, which was as a film journalist. The most exciting thing to happen was to go to a film set and sit in Michael Caine’s trailer. He asked: “Would you like to marry me?” I blushed and started stammering at him. And then he politely pushed a little dish of Murray Mints in my direction and I realised that he’d actually said: “Would you like a Murray Mint?”

[pbandjesse]

It's James's birthday! So we had a nice dinner and have been laying in bed watching a show together for the last couple hours. It was a really nice way to spend the evening. Especially because I was wildly emotional today which has made me exhausted and also have a headache.

But it wasn't a bad day. I could have slept better. I woke up enough to hug James and tell them happy birthday. But my nose was basically shut and I just was not getting enough oxygen for a pleasent sleep. Plus I had pretty upsetting dreams again.

But I got up and I attempted to accomplish all of my goals for the day. I made the bed. I took a quick shower. I dried off the bathtub and got dressed. And I started taking the old caulk out of the tub.

This proved more difficult then I expected. Some sections peeled no problems but others I had to take pliers to and pull. I cleaned all of it up best I could and got the new caulk, pinched myself with the caulk gun when I was circumcising the caulk. Have a lovely blood blister on my palm now. Ouch.

The caulking went alright at first. But I was using basically straight silicone and once the smell hit me I was basically gagging, even with the fans on, so I rushed a bit and half the tub looks fine and the other is a bit messy. I did try and wipe away some of the sloppy bits but it is not as nice as I had hoped. If I were to do this again I would have tired to get something without as wild of a smell. I mostly got this one because it cures in 12 hours and I thought that would be helpful. I would have to run fans basically all day to deal with the off gasing. It was deeply unpleasant in there.

So once I was done all I wanted was to be away from the smell. I went downstairs and had a sandwich for breakfast. And worked on attaching my next row on my puff quilt. I did accidently sew it with the seam facing the wrong way so I may have to take it off and reattach it but that would not happen to.

Instead I wanted to wrap James's birthday gifts and then get out of the house.

I wouldn't be out for a terribly long time though. I drove to the grocery store and got everything to make soup for Jess's friends giving tomorrow. And I got James a birthday pumpkin pie. I wandered around the store a little bit but I was mostly just in task.

I did get chocolate covered pretzels as a treat though.

After I paid I drove to the other side of the shopping center to go to the pet store. I had a coupon and decided that I would get a new beta. I was a bit shocked at the prices of some of them. In what world should a beta cost $30?? Betas should be $5 max. I went with this pretty white beta from the $4 category. I did not want an all red one, but he has lovely red spots on the tips of his fin. I have named him Valentino.

I also got some bottom feeder food now that I know Kittykitty is still kicking. And some camping themed decor for the tank. I was excited to get him home and set up.

When I got back here I would do another quick vacuum on the tank, get some warmer water in there and turn the heater up. While that was warning a little I would put the dishes away and set up James's birthday gifts. I had also gotten then a nice flowering plant. In purple for the ravens. And I got the oven preheating to make some spring rolls for lunch.

James still hadnt told me the plan for dinner. So I wasn't sure what I should be planning on eating wise. Eventually they decided we will do family dinner on Sunday and tonight we would go get pizza and just be together. The originally were going to do their podcast but decided to spend the evening with me I appreciated that.

I was not feeling like myself though. I was wildly emotional and struggling. I was watching TikToks that had me sobbing so hard I was basically hiccuping. And that made me feel slightly irrational. And I was just not having a very good time. Sweetp was keeping me company. But I kept crying and my head hurt and I was feeling really stupid.

And I had to answer the door three times! Two of them were for packages. But one was for the man who I stalked our door, back to measure for the storm door we ordered. I was still a bit puffy faced but I probably just looked tired.

I laid in bed and waited for James to come home. And when they got back I was in bed and trying to not be sad. I was just happy to see them.

James asked if I needed more time to rest before we went and got dinner. But I had basically been in bed for 3 hours. With the couple breaks to answer the door. So I got up, and redressed, and we were off.

We were the only ones at Mathews. Which felt unusual. It also made me exclaiming that the light was different when we got there, particularly loudly (they have 4 ceiling lights, and the one by the door now had a cool toned light bulb snd I absolutely hated it. I hope the replace it to match the three warm tones lights.). Oops.

We got a salad, which was fine, I have been wanting a salad for days but haven't found a good place to get one, so this was something. And our pizza was good. Even if I got a shooting pain in my chest towards the end of the meal, that hurt so bad I had to grip the table. Embarrassing. I hate that that happens. It's not even like I feel full, it just hurts so bad and makes the whole world feel like a pin point. It's terrible and kind of scary.

It was cold outside. I had left my jacket in the car but for the drive home I put it back on. When we got back here James opened their presents. Some bike tubes. A leather bound pocket set of the Lord of the Rings. A baby bike. They don't like focusing on their birthday but I just love celebrating them so much. They are my best friend and I love them so very much.

We would go upstairs and sort through the baby clothes I got yesterday. And we went through all the clothes I've gotten so far and separated then into sizes by age. That was really fun actually. I also attempted to dress Sweetp, who obviously loved it and didn't wiggle and yell the whole time. I imagine that's what dressing a baby is like, trying to put clothes on and uncooperative cat.

We would soon get in bed to watch our vampire show. I am glad we have finally found time that we can do that. We are taking a little break now so we can do our nighttime wind down things. But I imagine we will watch one more episode before going to bed.

Tomorrow is another full day. I am going to make soup. And then in the evening we have Jess's little dinner party. And tomorrow is the MCR ticket drop. I am super nervous about trying to get tickets but if we don't get then it is okay, it'll work out how it's supposed to.

I hope I don't feel so weepy. And I can have a nice day. I love you all. Happy birthday to my James. Until tomorrow! Goodnight!

[lovebillyhargrove]

Wake me up when July is around

Chapter 21/? Nosebleed

***

Remember how in canon Steve said to Jonathan during their fight "You know what, Byers? I’m actually kind of impressed. I always took you for a queer", aiming at insulting him?

I took Jonathan out of this equation, but kept the season 1 Steve vibe.

Party music:

Twisted Sister "We're not gonna take it" (1984)

Twisted Sister "I wanna rock" (1984)

Dead or Alive "You spin me round" (1985)

Robin Gibb "Boys do fall in love" (1984)

Billy's music:

Scorpions"Dynamite" (1982)

Van Halen "Sinner's Swing" (1981)

Mötley Crüe "Live wire" (1982)

***

The last day of March which is also Sunday, right before the beginning of the last school term in the quiet respectable town of Hawkins, is marked by a celebration. While Hawkins housewives have already started compiling lists of the ingredients necessary to make all the dishes for the upcoming festive family dinner next Easter Sunday, Tina and her gang have been preparing a party. Flyers have been printed out and delivered through friends, phonecalls have been made, the grapevine has been set in motion. Booze has been bought and a keg has been secured. Hawkins teens are eager to have one more party cause soon life's going to be so different, people are adjusting to the idea of having to let go of so many habitual things, and plenty of them aren't ready. Even those who are excited about their future. Especially those who are still very vague on the subject.

In such circumstances, it is never a bad idea

To paint the town red.

***

Technically the party is happening on Palm Sunday cause it's the last day of the spring break, those kids who went away have returned home, so practically everyone's expected to show up, and there is no sense in postponing the fun till actual Easter.

However, keeping the general Easter spirit is important.

Girls are encouraged to wear bunny outfits, at least a set of ears and a puffy ball of a tail are a must. Tina's wearing it all herself, and looks great. Andy is all over his girlfriend.

Hargrove is late as usual, that's not in his character to arrive at a soirée early. He's wearing tight jeans, a dark forest green button down, and he knows how he looks.

Stayed in his room for almost an hour glued to the mirror, considering ignoring the party altogether and just whacking off to his own reflection.

Loud music is screaming out of large wide open windows and the front door that welcomes everyone.

Mischief and rebellion are in the air tonight. Feels explosive, like there's a smell of gunpowder.

Oh we're not gonna take it!

No, we ain't gonna take it!

Oh we're not gonna take it anymore

The night is noisy, the space is packed and charged with young energy.

We've got the right to choose, and

There ain't no way we'll lose it

This is our life, this is our song

Oh we're not gonna take it!

No, we ain't gonna take it!

Billy stops in the kitchen first to take a can of beer. Roy is shouting, as always reigning over a bowl of red punch on the kitchen counter

"Pure blood! Pure blood!"

Hargrove can't help but curve his lips in a wry smile. What is the guy's deal, really, what's with the punch names. He's throwing his arm around Roy's shoulders

"Hey Dunston! I say, we drink flaming cocktails with you tonight, or what?"

Roy is muttering something like, in fact, he has read some information on the matter and there is a bottle of rum somewhere in the cupboards and ..

Billy smacks him on the forearm

"Later, man." He needs to go see if King Steve has made it to the party.

On the way out of the kitchen he notices that there is a keg standing in the corner, waiting for its turn.

Another hit by "Twisted Sister" comes up, and Billy can feel the rhythm running through his veins

I wanna rock! Rock!

I wanna rock! Rock!

I want to rock! Rock!

***

On ao3

[goldeneyedgirl]

AILess Whumptober Day 12: Self-Harm

sharp objects. (day 12: self-harm).

twilight, alice/jasper, pg, human alice/vampire jasper.

trigger warnings for self harm & allusions to suicidal ideation.

I had a galaxy brained alternative to this after I wrote it, so now I'm mad. Had a few days off because I was ill/traveling/homework, so the next couple will be out of order.

He doesn’t like leaving for too long.

But Carlisle had planned the family hunt up in Canada, and even Edward was being pried away from Bella for the four days. And it was going to be sunny, so it wasn’t like he could have left the house anyway.

(He tries to negotiate with Carlisle, to get them to leave at midnight so that he’ll be there until she falls asleep. Carlisle laughs at him and says that he and Alice will be fine if they’re apart for one weekend. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t tell Carlisle the truth.)

Alice says that she’ll be fine, and she doesn’t give him any reason not to believe her; she’s had a good few weeks and she even teases him about being overprotective.

But she’s good at that, at convincing him everything will be okay.

It’s only four days. He’ll be back Monday night.

The uneasy feeling settles in the second he leaves her with a kiss Friday afternoon, watching her walk up to her grandmother’s front door and slip inside.

He has little to no respect for Mrs Brandon - a sharp, cold woman who treated Alice with either disinterest or disdain, she was possibly the worst choice for a guardian when Alice was so very fragile. It was no secret that Mrs Brandon planned to evict Alice from the house in February, the day she turned eighteen - Alice even had a countdown calendar inside her wardrobe of how many days left (one hundred and fifty-eight).

The only upside of Mrs Brandon was that she was a busy woman, scheduling dozens of social events every week. This week she was in Neah Bay on some painting jaunt that left Alice alone in the old house that smelt like rain, an impersonal grey and white residence that showed no evidence that Alice existed in Linda Brandon’s life - not a photograph, not a pair of shoes, not a stray pencil.

Jasper couldn’t understand how the old bitch was the best guardian for Alice. That there wasn’t an aunt or cousin out there that would have welcomed her into their home.

When he’d asked her, Alice had laughed - the Brandons were just like that, according to her. She couldn’t remember the last time her father had hugged her. Her father’s family, they didn’t even acknowledge her when she was in the room, their gazes sliding over her like she’s part of the furniture. An embarrassment, the bastard daughter from that slut of a secretary; not white enough to blend in with the Brandons - a beacon for gossip and slander and worst of all, the truth.

She doesn’t know her mother’s family, and she has no information on how to find them.

(Her mother was always sad, according to Alice. Insubstantial and halfway gone when Alice was small. She didn’t answer questions she didn’t like; if Alice pestered her too much, about things she didn’t want to talk about, there would be a slap to the face. And then soft, gushing apologies and tears.)

So Linda Brandon was the only choice. A resentful divorcee in a cold house, pointedly ignoring the traumatized girl haunting the top floor. A recipe for disaster. But Alice is alone and she’d been excited to cook for herself, listing half a dozen dishes she was going to make before Linda returned home on Wednesday. How she could watch TV in the living room, and do her laundry properly, and it was going to be a good weekend.

(He checked that she had her medication. A few times, because she’s forgotten before. Or her idiot father hasn’t put her allowance in and she couldn’t afford to pick up refills. He takes care of that now. He takes care of everything.)

They only come home early because Carlisle gets a call from the hospital about an emergency shift change. It’s late Sunday night, Monday morning really, when he crosses into the backyard of the Brandon house.

He knows before he’s even in the tree. He can feel it. He can smell it.

(He wishes he could ask for help. But he has to take care of her, he has to protect her. The family has barely accepted Bella and she’s ordinary. Sturdy. And Edward’s love. He’s terrified that Alice - brittle, sweet, funny, sad, beautiful Alice - won’t measure up. That they’ll say things and do things that can’t be taken back. That she won’t be good enough; that he isn’t good enough.)

She’s sitting on her bed, and he can feel that she’s been crying, even though she’s quiet now. The room is still dark, relying on the clear night to illuminate it - the bare walls, the utilitarian furniture, the absence of any sign that this is Alice’s room.

And there is just… so much blood; on her, on the duvet. It smells divine but the thick hopelessness and misery of her emotions smothers the appeal from it almost instantly.

(The first time he caught her, he nearly lost his mind. “You can’t do that around me.” He’d nearly shaken her, and she’d been afraid, and he’d… he’d had to explain. She knew everything, just like Bella. And he thought it helped her, at first, being unable to bleed around him. But really, she just planned it better, hid it better. It was worse not to know, he decided.)

“Alice.” His voice is calm, soothing, as he climbs in the window, immediately grabbing the shirt hanging over her desk chair to press to the cuts. Her eyes are wide and so, so lost that he just wants to fix her. “What happened?”

Their routine is a good one. He comes over at nine, after she goes to bed. Mrs Brandon sleeps downstairs, so she never hears a thing. He usually stays until midnight - by then, she’s safely asleep and will most likely stay that way for the rest of the night. If she’s going to have the nightmares, her sleep won’t be peaceful and he’ll know. And it had been working. If only Carlisle…

(Carlisle wouldn’t have insisted on the family hunt if he had explained. None of them would have expected him to attend if they knew how bad things were.)

“I can’t do this anymore,” she says softly, dully. Her weapon of choice is a naked blade from an old-school razor and he wonders where she got it. If she’s bought a box of them, secreted away somewhere. He’s always tempted to go through her things to find all the sharp objects, but he can’t. He loves her and she trusts him. And hiding her scissors and her nail file doesn’t help when she can just go downstairs and rifle in the cutlery drawer. “I can’t, Jasper, I can’t.” There’s an edge of hysteria in her voice.

Her panic is a dying animal struggling against the inevitable.

“Let me see,” he says gently, and he pulls back the shirt. He’s learned how to patch her up; there’s a rough first-aid kit in her nightstand. Steri-strips, liquid bandages, dressings… he’s had a crash course in human first-aid. The Cullens would be so, so proud of him if they knew he could face this and control him. Even Esme couldn't manage this kind of resistance.

(Really, Alice does the heavy lifting when she calms down. She’s always told him that she doesn’t expect him to piece her back together. He just needs to be there and keep the bleeding to a minimum, and she’ll do the rest. But there’s something he likes about being able to tend to her wounds and clean her up and fix everything for her. He likes being the hero for once, the caretaker.)

Arms and thighs.

She’s gone so deep this time, and his stomach twists tightly that maybe she was trying a more definitive method this time. Maybe… maybe he wasn’t supposed to come home early.

There’s so much blood and it’s not stopping.

He reaches over to flip on the lamp, and it’s like the world comes back into focus, like reality smacks him in the face. The sodden duvet, her bleached-white face, the blood seeping through everything.

(This cannot be fixed with a bandage and a kiss.)

His panic is rising, and she’s slumping over now.

He has to fix this. That’s what he does. She loves him completely, has never once turned away from him and his scars… and he loves her just the same, and his job is to hold her together until she’s feeling better. His job is to take care of her, and he doesn’t know what to do, and every second it’s getting closer to something so wrong… he feels sick, he’s terrified.

Alice begins sniffling again, and he can’t… he can’t just sit here.

He can’t do anything. He’s a killer, not… he’s never changed anyone. He hasn’t got the strength. But Alice…

(Somehow, his phone is in his hand, and he’s already dialing. He’s made his decision without realizing because he’ll do anything.)

Alice is slumped against him now; he’s pulling pillowcases off and tying them tight around her arms, hoping that helps for just a while longer.

“Carlisle?” His voice is shaking, and even to his own ears, he sounds wrong. “Carlisle, I need you to come to the Brandons now.”

“Jasper, what’s going on?”

“She’s dying, Carlisle, she needs help.” He sounds hysterical now, and he is. There’s nothing he can do, and he’s ready to plead and bargain and beg for anything, anything to make this better.

He can hear Carlisle already moving, and that… that makes everything less hopeless, like maybe they aren’t the only people in the world right now. He can hear Carlisle asking questions, his own voice robotic and distant. Instructions, encouragement, Carlisle will fix this.

(He hopes they’ll understand. He hopes they can fix her. And he hopes that when they look at her, they’ll see the joy, the humour, the light that practically shines out of her. That this is a bad day, he never should have left her. The nightmares, they cut too deep. This is not the person she is.

And they’ll understand that he loves her in a way he never knew was possible.)

He holds her tight and he hopes.

He’s never leaving her again.

[ruggiethethuggie]

Zoolumination with Ruggie

Summary: You get two tickets to go to the zoo's Chinese New Year event that they do every January. You convince Ruggie to go and enjoy your night.

WC: 2145 Tags: fluff, gn!reader, Ruggie x reader, one shot, zoo lights, zoo event, ruggie with bangs pulled back because I said so, also not proofread cause idk who mrs.proofread is © please do not copy and or repost my work as your own, my brain is massive and these are my thoughts.

“What do you mean they were free?” Ruggie asked in a confused tone. He was staring at you, hands halfway in the sink washing the dishes. His bangs pinned back so they were out of his face when he looked down. “I mean, that I got these for Christmas from a coworker. Please, can we go? It sounds so fun,” you said in a pleading tone, tugging at his arm.

“Don’t give me those eyes, shishishi. What time does it start?” he said laughing as he continued to clean the dishes in the sink. You looked over the ticket, reading over the details for the event. “It says: Celebrate Chinese New Year with us at Zoolumination! From 6pm to 9pm Sunday through Thursday and 6pm to 10pm Friday and Saturday. Event lasting all month of January,” you said, reading it out loud for him. “OOOH! It says we get one free hot chocolate with every ticket, too,” you said excitedly, pulling at his arm again. “We can even go tonight, please I want to go.”

You watched Ruggie look up at the ceiling and smile, shaking his head as he turned his gaze to you. “If that’s what you want, then that’s what we will do. Let me finish these first, okay?” he said, shining you a cheeky smile. Maybe the hot chocolate had intrigued him enough to agree to it. The tickets were free, so it was something you two could do together without having to worry about paying a huge amount of money to have fun. You had heard all your friends at work talk about how fun the event was, so you were very excited to get the tickets in a secret santa gift at work.

You hurried to the living room, grabbing your coat to throw on and putting on fuzzy socks for the night. It wasn't too cold outside, but it was cold enough at night that you wanted thicker socks. Ruggie came out of the kitchen, drying his hands with the hand towel that hangs on the oven door handle. “So what all will they have there? Like what even is this thing?” he said as he put the towel in the laundry room.

You were at the door, trying to decide between your boots and your crocs to wear for the night. You looked at both pairs of shoes, back and forth, as you answered Ruggie. “Uhh, it said there would be lights and huge decorations. I think they said they are letting some of the nocturnal animals out into their exhibits? So that sounds cool,” you said, finally grabbing your crocs to throw on. You figured that even though they were crocs, the fuzzy socks should keep your feet warm for the night.

Ruggie snickered at you, slipping your crocs on in sports mode and doing a small dance by the door. He enjoyed seeing you so excited. He felt bad most of the time, guilty that he couldn’t take you to nice places or buy you nice gifts. Your face lighting up when you two finally were able to go somewhere or do something together is what he loved seeing most. The way your eyes lit up and you were nothing but giddy about the adventure you two would take, that is what made his heart swoon every time.

He threw on his own coat and sneakers, catching the keys as you tossed them to him. Ruggie always drove when you two went somewhere together. He would open your door and close it for you, he treated you like royalty. Part of you figured it was because of all the catering he did for Leona in school, but he always reassured you he did this because he wanted to- not because he had to. You two drove to the zoo, Ruggie with one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding your hand in your lap.

As the car approached the entrance to the zoo, you could see the lights coming from inside the venue. Not even inside the zoo, and the lights were already taking your breath away. “Is that a giant giraffe?!” you shouted, pointing it out over the top of the zoo’s entryway arch while Ruggie tried to park the car. “Hey, hey, hey. Move your hand. I can’t see,” he said playfully but also really wanting you to stop pointing so he could park.

“I’m sorry, I’m just excited. It’s freaking huge,” you said with a laugh as you two got out of the car. Ruggie ran to your side, wanting to open your door for you. In your excitement, you were already out of the car, in awe at the sights you could see from the parking lot. He huffed at you, his hands on his hips. You reached over and grabbed his hand to hold, making him give you a small kiss on your forehead. You could hear the car beep a few times from locking as you both walked to the front of the zoo.

Ruggie pulled you along towards the gate to show your tickets as you rummaged through your purse with your free hand to grab your two tickets. You found them just as you two approached the zoo staff member checking tickets. As they scanned your tickets, they handed you two vouchers for hot chocolate. “Have a wonderful night! Please enjoy,” they said chipperly as you and Ruggie entered the zoo.

The zoo was lit up along its main path, some decorations snuck into exhibits while the animals were in their indoor housing for the nights. The beginning part of the zoo trail was home to the gift shop since the path made a large loop and ended where it began. The gift shop was closed for the night, but red lanterns were placed all along the railing of the walkway in front of it.

You saw the tall giraffe you could see from the parking lot as you two made your way to the area where the bulk of the event was held. The area was the usual home for the zoo restaurant, kid’s play area, and had a large open greenery area on a small hill for the zipline activity you could do on a normal zoo outing. The event had the large area filled with lit up decorations for the night. 

Ruggie saw the hot chocolate stand before you did, a huge grin coming over his face as he looked over to you. “Do you wanna go ahead and get some? I know you want some, shishishi,” he said, still holding your hand and gingerly shaking it while he asked. Your eyes were wide, oh how you loved hot chocolate. He knew you so well. You eagerly nodded, handing Ruggie the two vouchers as he let go of your hand to go wait in line to get you both a drink. The line wasn’t long, just a person or two in front of him, so he made it back to you swiftly.

You took your cup of hot chocolate from him, blowing into the small hole to try and cool it down. “It’s not super hot, I tried a sip on my way back to see,” he said to you. You took a sip, the warm chocolatey liquid hitting your tastes buds and making your whole body warm up. It didn’t even matter what the weather felt like that night, the warmth of the hot chocolate was enough to keep you toasty. “It’s good, right?” Ruggie asked, his tail giving a small wag behind him. It was very good; the zoo must’ve spent a lot of money making sure that the drink was nice for their night guests.

Ruggie laughed as he reached out his hand to you, offering it to hold once more. You willingly took his hand and started to walk through the lit up pathways and decorations. One of the first things you saw were large, beautifully designed vases and teacups. They were white but decorated in blue designs of flowers and dragons. It was beautiful to look at, so you stopped to hand Ruggie your cup so you could use your phone to take pictures.

You snagged a few pictures and put your phone away, continuing with Ruggie through the zoo. There were so many decorations everywhere. The hanging lanterns over the bridge near the bengal tiger exhibit were breathtaking, the red and gold patterns on them complemented each other so well. The kangaroo exhibit, which usually was full of bouncy creatures, had lit up kangaroo decorations. You stopped again to take more pictures.

Every time you stopped to hand Ruggie your cup, he would laugh at you, lovingly of course. You were just enjoying the night. Being able to go out together with Ruggie and see the amazing decorations that the zoo had out was bringing you a lot of joy, you were really happy that your secret santa had given you this as a gift. By the time you two made your way out of the kangaroo’s exhibit, you had finished your hot chocolate. Ruggie took your cup and put both of yours in the trash bin.

As you continued your loop through the zoo, the large dragon decoration was what caught your eye. “Rug, Rug, RUG,” you said, jerking and pulling on his arm. His attention was elsewhere, staring off at the sky. He looked spooked for a moment, confused by your exclamation and sudden jerking. “What, what, what?” he said in a hurried tone, he thought something was wrong. You pointed at the large dragon decoration as you smiled at him, your grin from ear to ear.

“Oh, wow. That thing looks cool as hell,” he said, staring up and walking towards the dragon. “How big you think this thing is?” He was sizing up the dragon, looking it up and down. “I bet this thing is like 20 feet tall at least, maybe 30,” he said in a confident tone. “Yeah, how’d you figure that?” you said sarcastically.

Ruggie walked over to a sign that was near the decoration, one you thought just said what the dragon was supposed to be or represented. “Oh, I don’t know. I think I’m a good guesser, maybe I’m like a magician or something,” he said standing by the sign and smiling. You tried to read the sign from where you were, but couldn’t make out what it said. You walked closer and read the sign. “This dragon structure stands at 29 feet tall.” You gave him an eye roll and a light punch to his arm as he laughed at you, believing that he just knew how tall the dragon was.

“You make me so mad sometimes,” you said, pouting at him. “Yeah, yeah, I’m sure,” he said with a giggle. He pulled out his phone from his pocket and opened his camera app. “We are way too close to this thing for you to get a good picture of it, Rug. You’re gonna have to back up some,” you said to him, trying to get him to realize that this was not the best place to take a picture of it. Ruggie leaned closer to you, kissing your cheek before putting his on yours. “That’s not what I’m taking a picture of,” he said as the camera’s light flashed in front of you. Ruggie turned his phone around to look at the picture. “Oh, I am putting this as my background,” he said, giving a mischievous laugh under his breath. You were trying to look over his shoulder to see the picture, you knew it was a terrible one of you.

“Oh, are you wanting to see?” Ruggie asked teasingly. You gave him another pout and crossed your arms. He pulled you in and kissed your forehead before giving your head a nice pat as he turned his phone to you. The picture he had taken could not be a more unflattering photo of you. He looked perfectly fine, damn near one of the best photos he had taken of himself. You on the other hand, look disheveled, confused, like a deer caught in the headlights. A huge contrast to Ruggie’s beaming smile in the photo.

“Ruggie, delete it,” you said aggressively, trying to grab his phone from him. He held his phone in the air above his head, out of your reach. “Ah, ah, ah. I like this picture, I want to remember tonight,” he said, still grinning back at you. “You just wait, Rug. I’m gonna get one of you while you're dead asleep, drool coming out of your mouth and all,” you said in a very matter of fact tone. Ruggie snickered as he grabbed your hand, pulling you towards the front of the zoo so you could both go back home.

[obsessedwhim]

Nap

The church rang proudly with the songs of the times, nothing but proud followers bellowing out the songs of all things holy.

"When Christ shall come, with a shout of acclamation,

And take me home, shall joy fill my heart.

Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,

And then, I proclaim, 'My Lord How Great Thou Art!'"

A teen stood straight in his Sunday best which consisted of a navy blue suit and a black tie that accented his dark blue hair which was unwillingly slipped back. His dashing good looks drew a good amount of attention but so did Amant's angelic voice which overtook the others like a wave washing over tiny grains of sand.

The talented young man was quick to draw a crowd when the ceremony had finished, they complimented his skills in singing and tenderly petted his chest with a flutter of their eyelashes but the teen merely chuckled and thanked the love-sick females "Thank you ladies very much but.. I have some matters I need to attend to" he gave them a sweet close-eyed smile before bowing out of the group and began making his way out of the bustling church, knowing that he will speak to his mother later as she was probably busy chatting to her friend group. 

"Why must mother insist that I accompany her to service every Sunday" Amant sighed as he entered his home with blazer in hand, his tie loosened along a few buttons undone. Threading his fingers through his midnight hair the teen's dark locks split down the middle "She knows I'm not a believer. She just uses the same old excuse that I don't spend enough time with her yet I'm always visiting" he rambled on to none after hanging up his jacket and began rolling up his sleeves, under the impression that the home was empty

After some loud muffled voices were heard Amant groaned inwardly with a slouch in his spine "Hey Ichigo mind keeping it down? I've heard enough preaching to last me a lifetime" he chuckled at the joke but paused mid-step when two other beings were spotting sitting at his kitchen table. 

"Why didn't you say we'd have company? I would've done the dishes before I left" Amant slapped the ginger on his shoulder lightly before turning to the two sitting females with a polite smile "Orihime, Rukia. It's nice to see you two again" 

Although they had all gone to the same high school Amant had never truly felt like part of the group, he knew that it was none's fault and people don't always click, but he did enjoy their company and found them fun to be around, he just preferred to hang out in the library or other quiet places. The females blushed at his handsome demeanor with little waves and well-mannered hello's with Ichigo rolling his eyes as he stood close to the pale teen's side "If you guys are hanging out then would you like to stay for dinner? I'll cook something before leaving for my studies" he offered but the being next to him was quick to disagree with a loud yell "Uwaah! NO!.... Uh no. I-It's fine. They were just leaving anyways!!" the male narrowed his stare at the girls and they blinked oddly, even though Orihime was excited to finally spend some time with Ichigo after the war had ended along with their years in high school there was no denying the act that there were not wanted for dinner, she was sure Ichigo had a good reason. His reaction was enough for Orihime to back out but it took a scowl and a curse to eventually chase Rukia away. 

Slamming the door shut behind him Ichigo sighed with a hand running through his spikes "Man. I thought they'd never leave"

"That was quite rude of you, wouldn't you think?" Amant chuckled as he waltzed close and leaned in for a short kiss "What were you guys talking about? It sounded like an argument" 

Ichigo frowned at the memory from moments ago and walked back to the kitchen with the second male close behind "How should I know? Rukia just burst in here without calling or knocking" he huffed, obviously frustrated by the events. He knew why they had stopped by but Amant wasn't a part of that world, the only thing he knew of was that his partner could speak with the dead and sometimes vanishes to help them. 

The Kurosaki had called Urahara a few days ago to mention how he was taking a few days off from hollow hunting duty, turns out Rukia didn't agree with his wishes and Orihime was worried that something had happened but they only probably gained more questions from their short visits. 

"Ichigo, you're dwelling and we both know I don't care for flashbacks" The smaller being's hand landed on Ichigo's shoulder with curved brows "Are you sure everything's okay?"

Ichigo glanced to the side with a sigh and cursed how hard it was to spend time with the people he loved before nuzzling his forehead against Amant's as he placed his palms on the male's hips comfortably "I just asked for a few days off work, that's all" 

"Why would you do that? I thought you guys were busy" The male frowned but Ichigo huffed sourly "They can survive a few days without me"

"I dunno, you seem pretty important to them" Amant was held closer to the larger body "But... you're more important to me" The ginger's face flourished into a bright red earning a chuckle and a palm on his cheek, he never wanted to admit it but Ichigo's work worried the dark haired being. He would leave at all hours of the day and night and would come back exhausted with the odd bruise, Amant knew the work was dangerous in a way and whenever Ichigo would slip away he'd be wrecked with worry- leading him to visit his mother. 

Amant warm smile comforted Ichigo's tired stare and a hand gripped his palm "C'mon, with all this free time we should go take a nap" 

Ichigo followed without any complaints, who knew a nap could be so exciting?

[nancypullen]

What Was I Thinking?

I ended my last post by saying that I'd be back the next day. What was I thinking? I knew the grandgirl and her staff would be arriving for the weekend and I never touch the blog when they're here. So here I am, two days late. Oops. As always, Little Miss brought magic with her. Here she is (I'm not allowed to show her face) under what she calls the "Trading Tree". It's a big Crape Myrtle surrounded by flowers and shrubs, and it's where she keeps her fairy village.

She tidies up the village and always leaves a present for the fairies. Sometimes it's a flower, sometimes it's a shiny penny, whatever strikes her fancy. In the morning she can't wait to see what the fairies left for her in trade. Amazingly enough, it's always something she likes...little owls, glittery things. She also loves having a cutting garden and filled a vase for our table and made a bouquet to take to her teacher.

So it was all mermaids, fairies, and one very benevolent princess ruling over it all. Kindergarten starts in two weeks and I fear that we'll see less and less of the magic as the school year progresses. It happens. <sniffle>

Back to reality, and Sunday started quietly. This is what I see when I come downstairs in the morning. Leaf shadows through the windows of the front door, dancing on the wall of the entryway. I love it.

A soft start to the day and it seems seems determined to finish that way as well. I went on a housework strike today, I just didn't want to look at a mop or broom or sponge or toilet or dish. I'm hardly cooking. Yesterday's dinner was grilled chicken and we have leftovers, so I'm tossing it on top of salad. Easy peasey.

Earlier today I took an inventory of what clay I had on hand and after lunch we made a run into Easton for a quick pick up of additional colors. I need to spend the next month cranking out cards and earrings. I hope there are enough true crime podcasts to keep me company while I do it. I also need to get the vanity in the Halloween bathroom painted. I want to do it before the flooring goes in on Friday. That way if I dribble anything it's not cause for panic. I always use drop cloths, plastic, tape, and all of that - but it'll still be less to worry about if I just get it done tomorrow. That's the plan. In exciting (to me) news, I found two more prints that would lend themselves very nicely to being spooked up.

This one is at the auction and is sitting at $2. I'd turn it all to autumn, make the cottage witchy, turn the fence gray, and probably put a witch on that bench - maybe she's reading, or maybe she's carving a pumpkin.

I don't care for the frame, but I could always paint it.

I REALLY like this one, but it's on Facebook Marketplace for $10. I don't want to spend $10. I'd have a ball with this one. Imagine that turned into a bustling witch village! Curling glittery smoke coming out of each chimney, autumn colors everywhere, witches strolling about town, maybe even signs on each building - a wand store, apothecary, magic brooms, that sort of thing. Plus, the frame is better.

I may talk myself right into spending ten bucks. Darn it. It really would be fun. I finished the first print, or at least I think it's finished. I added a mouse, tried to tidy up some wonky spots, but didn't do much else. I can always add to it if a brilliant idea strikes. I roughed up that mauve mat and then painted it and added a bit of sparkle. I think I'll paint a little bit of glue on that mat and add cobwebs.

It's not great but the trial run of anything usually isn't. I can improve it. It's already cat approved.

That's my day so far being lazy and being crafty. The timer just dinged to let me know my earrings need to come out of the oven, so I'm off to sand them down and then give them a little gloss. Perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon, don't you think? I hope you're doing something that relaxes you. Get lost in a book, try a new recipe, go for a walk, whatever brings your blood pressure down. Who knows what the week ahead holds, might as well stockpile some zen right now. Better than entering the week all stressed out. Sending all kinds of love and good vibes out, hope they find you. Stay safe, stay well. XOXO, Nancy

[bisexualbumblebee-writes]

Fluffuary 2023 Day 15: Domestic Chores- Beorn x OC

Beorn x Cassidora

Description: Chore days are Cassidora's favorite days.

Word Count: 0.8k

A/N: Unfortunately I was a bit uninspired with this prompt, but I still wanted to get it written so here it is.

Challenge made by the lovely @darthglitterfanfictionnfiction

Chores were generally known as something to be dreaded amongst people. They would groan at the thought of dusting, sweeping, laundry, and other such activities. To them, it felt repetitive, boring and unending. 

Cassidora was (usually) different, however. She absolutely loved their chore days. That meant her husband Beorn got to be home the entire day. Of course she understood that he was away all day (almost) every day because he wished to keep the forest - and by extension, her - safe, but that didn’t stop her from missing him all day. 

Sundays were their chore days, but Beorn allowed himself to sleep in a little. Cassidora always made sure to get up early enough to make breakfast for him, even bringing it to him in bed if he stayed there long enough. Most of the time, however, he always got up to find her near the end of the process. Since he was already up, he helped her finish up so they could eat together. As they did so they discussed everything they needed to get done and figured out how long it would take so they could have some time to relax at the end of the night. 

After they finished eating they would get to work on their separate tasks. Beorn preferred to take care of the ponies and bees first, so he always immediately went to check on them. Cassidora, meanwhile, started on her daily tasks like tending to the garden. Sometimes the bees would “accidentally” get out and go see what she was up to, which allowed Beorn a chance to talk to his wife for a bit before she shooed him away, wishing for them to finish quicker. 

Once she finished in the garden she would pick what she wanted to eat and would bring in those fruits and/or vegetables so she could start on lunch. While Beorn waited for lunch to be ready he always got a quick patrol of the surrounding area. It never hurt to make sure, and Cassidora agreed with that so she allowed it. 

Lunch never took long to make, however, as they always ate something light, so she always called him in quickly. Just like with every meal, they ate together and talked about their days so far. Beorn would update her on the new colt they’d recently helped be born and Cassidora would talk about how the vegetables were coming along in the garden. 

Once they finished eating, they worked on the inside of the house. That included dusting, sweeping, beating the rugs, laundry, everything they could manage to do in the day. Since Beorn was much taller than Cassidora he was the one to dust. That left the girl to sweep and wipe down the table and chairs. Unfortunately, at that point in the day Cassidora would start to get bored (hey, even she can find chores repetitive), which meant Beorn had to get creative in order to keep her interested in her tasks. 

Usually that meant coming up with games. They generally consisted of a race between them of who could finish their chore the quickest and most efficiently. He always let Cassidora win because he loved how excited she’d get when she realized she beat him. The fact that it renewed her interest in getting the chores done was a plus as well, so they were able to continue on how they were with the last few tasks left. 

Finally, as the sun began to set, Beorn would start on dinner. He always cooked dinner on Sundays since she cooked the other two meals. It was only fair in his opinion, and he never listened to her protests. Thankfully, she’d learned over time to not object to him, but she at the very least liked to help him, and he allowed that. 

After dinner he washed the dishes while she dried and put them up. Then they’d retire to the couch for the night, Cassidora comfortably cuddled up in her husband's arms as they sat in front of the fire. Tonight the Fairy was feeling oddly happy despite how tired she was from all the work they’d done. She, in spite of herself, couldn’t help but stare at her husband with a rather comically wide smile, which he noticed after a few minutes. A small smile formed on his lips as he faced her. 

“What is it?” 

“Oh, nothing,” she responded with a shrug. “I was just thinking about how much I love Sundays.” That made the skin changer chuckle. 

“It is filled with nothing but work,” he pointed out amusedly. 

“Work with you,” she elaborated. “And I would not change that for anything in the world.” Beorn’s smile morphed into a more sincere and fond expression. 

“Me neither.”

[keefwho]

August 25 - 2024 Sunday

10:40am

I haven't been journaling mostly because I was getting to sleep late every night and also my power went out the day before yesterday overnight which was terrible.

Friday was looking good for most of the day, I remember feeling good. I especially looked forward to all the plans I had been making because I finally feel like I can do things I want to do if I start committing to when I plan them instead of rescheduling until I'm in the perfect mood. But the power went out at 4pm while I was drawing. It looked pretty bad but my hope was that it would be back in about 6-8 hours like the usual average but it took 20. That night was fine, DS and I called on my phone and she screenshared memes while I drank. It was really fun. I didn't expect to talk about some of the stuff that came up while also stressed about the power loss but I was very open to it, I guess I was just in the right mood. It was good that we did. I always like to think I'm good to talk about anything at just about any time and I mean that. If it's needed, it's needed. I would expect the same thing from my friends.

Saturday was rough, I woke up from my rough sleep and became extremely stressed about the situation. It didn't help that I was also extremely hungry and starting to feel dirty from not showering. My toilet was also disgusting since I couldn't flush it. I remember laying on the floor and listening to Bob Ross while waiting for anyone to respond to my DMs and that got me to relax. I asked dad if he could take me to the store where I got some much needed snacks and a big container of water to flush my toilet with. So things were looking up. Something that really got to me was my LED strip going out. The battery it's hooked up to did not accurately calculate how much energy it still had, not even close. Good to know I can't rely on that I guess. BR and JG kept me company in the morning a little and that was nice, even if I couldn't use my mic because of the poor connection. I think the biggest thing I needed was company, but that also says something about my state of being. I think I should be able to be okay for 20 hours alone, even if it's dark and I lack basic amenities. Looking back I wonder why I wasn't able to focus on playing things on my switch or reading one of my books. Eventually I had accepted my fate and laid down, more or less banking on the power coming back before I decided to get up. And it did, at about 1pm. I can not describe the intense relief that happens when it comes back, every time.

The first thing I did was clean up and get myself showered. I was so happy to finally get my dishes clean and my hands washed. The shower was heavenly. For lunch I threw together a chicken stew but it wasn't great. I think I've learned I need the tyson grilled chicken chunks to make it real good, thats my best option right now but I used canned chicken instead. I had that and a chocolate twinkie with a late cup of coffee while I prepared everything for book club. I had to rush it but I got it done just in time. We had a good turnout but UP didn't show despite showing a lot of interest and promising to be there. I guessed correctly that she must have slept through it. When I asked her, she said she was really excited and was reading the book out loud to some people, kids maybe? I thought that sounded sweet. She also asked if she could bring other people along and I do want new recruits so that was promising.

After the book club, TK, WX and I hung out until real late. We went to that pink, Barbie-esque world I love and had some interesting conversation. GOOD conversation because we all shush and let each other talk and really listen. It was so refreshing given the last week's poor success conversing with people. I had one big takeaway from our discussion: that the only thing you need to do to be worthy of love is to be yourself. It sounds corny but here is my logic. I'm someone who has struggled to be my own person my entire life. This is largely due to pressure to conform from a young age, especially from my parents. I'm someone who has mistook poor dynamics for true connection, mostly becoming attached to others and incorporating into their identity. But the purest form of connection happens between 2 individuals that recognize each other as such. It takes a lot more and means a lot more when someone doesn't have to take interest in you or be there for you but they do it anyways. They can go off and have their own adventures but they always come back to you. That requires both parties to be their own people, to be themselves. I'm not sure real love can happen between two people without that. So instead of focusing on things like financial status or even something important like emotional maturity, I want to focus on being who I am. The good thing is that I assume most of us want to be better people inherently so stuff like maturity will still come with my self discovery. I dont think I worded any of this as well as I meant to but it's more for me to get out and process anyways.

Saturday night I felt connected to the people I was talking to and I contribute that to my recent focus on what is really happening in my life in this moment and viewing myself as an independent person doing MY own thing. Right now I'm trying to change my relationship with others. Usually I am afraid of change and I still am, but I'm putting the power in my own hands. If things have to change then at least I have the reigns. I really am tired of being guided around by others or by circumstances. In regard to others, I think I'm learning to enforce real boundaries.

10:55pm

6.5/10

This morning I took the time to shave my whole body and super moisturize, that felt good. I made a delicious combo of spam, green beans, and spicy ramen. The new frozen green beans I got are really good. Then my dad taught me how to use a chainsaw briefly. It was cool, a little scary and harder than I thought. Then I made and sipped my coffee while I got on VRchat with TK. I didn't have any plans or desires and neither did she so we decided to experience whatever happened in public worlds. We found ourselves in some sort of anime murder high school RP thing they we incorporated into and actually played. She was the one actually doing it and I was her emotional support horse. There weren't enough slots at first for me to participate and I had to keep stepping away to prep lunch. We were there for awhile and DV joined too. He told me all about his current racing phase. After he left, we went to a hide and seek world which was a cool little experience. Then I got off to eat my lunch and chill with DS. We watched Twilight Breaking Dawn part 2 and I liked it. I think the only one I hated was BD Part 1. We also watched some Otakon content while she made her birthday party announcement pic which I posted in my announcements channel. In bed we did our usual puzzles and then I joined BR and friends for an hour of Minecraft but I was kinda bored.

[perpetuallyangerygoatmom]

Tw // suicide, eating disorders, abortion

General vent

40 weeks pregnant today. Incredibly terrified, never thought I’d be having a child in my LIFE let alone at 19 years old (20 if she’s born on or after this Sunday); but despite my overwhelming fear, I’m also incredibly excited.

I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation from a very young age, had many attempts. The night before my 16th birthday I had an attempt which damn near succeeded, I gave myself a black eye - and fractured my orbital socket - in the process and spent my birthday in the ER and the next several weeks in a mental hospital. Recontextualizing it later I believe nothing in my life has or ever will be the same since then. (And that the Holy Spirit himself interviewed that day. Although that realization did not come to me until several years later)

It wasn’t until the year after that when I hit my lowest point however. I became even more deeply entrenched in my ed; my bulimia morphed into anorexia and as it got worse I isolated myself from every last one of my friends. My mother moved across the county for the sake of her own mental health, and I just sort of spiraled into myself. Eventually I broke down to my stepdad that I felt completely hopeless and like I had no control over my life, that my ed was controlling me and I wanted to die. He helped me to get on a meal plan, fill my day with tasks to keep my mind occupied, take my medication regularly, and motivated me to get my high school diploma. Without him I would have been truly lost. During this time I also began going to church, got saved, and generally THOUGHT I was doing a lot better.

However it was mostly an illusion of control, my ed had morphed into orthorexia; I would have breakdowns if I didn’t know every ingredient in my food, the exact number of calories, or if I didn’t do a very specific routine before and after I ate. Every day had a specific (self created) schedule which I felt as if deviating from could kill me or set back months worth of progress. I had to wake up at 5:30, make my bed, pray, do a half an hour of yoga and an hour of workouts, shower, brush my teeth and hair, write in my journal, work on school work until noon, workout again, make lunch, eat SLOWLY (it had to take me 45 minutes AT LEAST to eat), do the dishes, go back to school work until 5, workout for about 2 hours, eat dinner, watch exactly one movie, pray, and then sleep. If any of those steps were missed or delayed I would go ballistic. And despite having a better diet I was still over exercising and losing weight. I got down to 80 pounds and at one point had to be admitted to the hospital because my heart rate was so low they were afraid it would stop if I fell asleep. I was also - during this time - incredibly paranoid that I was being watched at all times. I was afraid to leave the house and felt as if I would be followed and reprimanded if I did. It’s honestly hard to explain exactly the mental process but I just thought everyone and everything was out to get me; my anxiety was at an all time high.

Eventually my mother came back for my high school graduation and the idea came about of me going back to PA with her for the summer before I was to start college. I decided to go, and the freedom I experienced, the break from my routine, was very hard to deal with. I began to feel again as if I had no purpose, nothing to fill my days with, and I also started to binge and purge again. Although the weight gain was necessary, I felt as if I was betraying myself and all the “hard work” I had put in to lose. My body dysmorphia became unbearable and I generally felt horrible. It was at this point that I got my first job; it helped a lot to give me a sense of purpose. After a lot of fucked up shit there I got another job. Starting something new always helps me to regulate myself and my eating patterns for a while, but once I got comfortable again at this new job I fell back into binging and purging. I was biking 2 hours mostly uphill to and from work everyday, so I did begin to lose weight again, but just in general I wasn’t doing great. I moved in with a man twice my age and ended up giving him LOTS of money for various things. I felt sympathetic towards him but was greatly taken advantage of, I now realize.

Then I met my current partner. Things moved incredibly fast. Within the first month I moved in with him and his parents, which got me out of my situation with my abusive roommate. And for the first time since I was probably around age 10, I began eating regularly. “Regularly” might not be the right word, but for the first time I began to break the YEARS of food rules I had built for myself. (Drinking regular soda, eating desserts, eating at restraints without purging, eating full meals in general without purging, eating during the day, not counting calories, eating multiple meals a day, eating on consecutive days) and while I did have immense guilt over it, I do consider it the true beginning to my recovery. I healed my body enough that my periods became regular for the first time since I began to menstruate. And within our 3rd month of dating, I became pregnant.

There was much talk of abortion; at one point I actually had one scheduled, but for one reason or another I decided to keep the baby, and here I am today, days? away from giving birth, terrified but excited. I feel a new sense of purpose in my life and a motivation to heal my disordered habits. While I do still struggle with disordered thoughts - especially in the advent of pregnancy and the weight gain it causes - I have faith and hope that I will be able to overcome them. My biggest fear is passing this onto my child. My grandmother and mother have also struggled with disordered eating and if I can give my child ONE THING, it will be a healthy relationship with food, but I know I cannot do that unless I am healed myself.

I’m also incredibly worried at the moment that my child will be born unhealthy, a fear which started a few days ago and has become more and more persistent. Prayer and talks with my mother and fiancé have helped to ease it slightly.

Anyways that is my completely unnecessary trauma dump 🤙