#I don't have I good memory I guess
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youjustwaitsunshine · 1 year ago
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ferrari team celebrating with lewis after singapore this ferrari caring for lewis that istg i know for a fact some of yall were present during turkish gp 2020 when they completely ignored seb after he drove to the podium in order to comfort charles because he threw the place away by his own fault. i was there gandalf. i was there when they started to pack it up in spain when charles retired while seb was still very much racing and i am still bitter about it. i do not think anyone at this team is capable of thinking much less caring about two drivers at once or even one of them most times
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isca-rambles · 2 days ago
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Thanks for the tag @zadien and @midnight-canvas! Rules: without naming them, post a gif from ten of your favorite films and then tag ten people to do the same. (now to spend an hour trying to remember anything I like because the second someone asks, everything I've ever watched vanishes from my head)
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(honestly so surprised there were even gifs of this one on here)
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Special mention to the last two films here, which I have only watched a few of times (the last I've watched exactly twice and I'm not sure I can watch again) but are just utterly beautiful films. Devastating and very painful, the last especially so, but still beautifully done. Yes I know this isn't 10 I can't narrow anything down, especially when it comes to animated films. Had to exclude any animated Disney or I'd never be finished here. I'm already regretting some of the films I'm only now just remembering but this is a bit of a wider spread of my likes. Spent half an hour thinking of a single film and then I get to 10 and suddenly I remember ALL OF THEM! Anyway, tagging @silverskull, @moderatelydelusional, @sisterofficerlucychen, @chenfordsbee and whoever else wants to do it don't make me count again!
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pseudophan · 3 months ago
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gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow
#life update if anyone gaf we're now at the point where i know i'm getting the adhd diagnosis and yet i STILL HAVE TO WAIT#like she just isnt sure if it's adhd or add (its norway theyre not gonna update the terms any time soon just roll with it)#and im just like. girl i don't give a fuck#its been so many years i cant do this anymore#we've talked to my fucking kindergarten teachers like 😭 they've investigated my entire life atp#to make sure i did in fact have all these issues from birth#because my word and my mum's word just isn't good enough i guess#like lets rely on the selective memories of random ass people ive encountered growing up this is ASININE#anyway my godmother had a 4h consultation the other day and got diagnosed on the spot#so now my mum is mad at her LMFAO#cause my mum's like. that bitch doesn't even have adhd. shes fine.#which i feel like is probably wrong but i agree with the sentiment#where is the deep dive investigation into her wholeass existence 😭#its cause she got to go private but they refuse to refer me to a private specialist so i have to keep going publuc#public#and if i go private on my own its too expensive plus the waitlist is years long#so. whatever. i guess.#man im so tired.#i will never ever ever forgive my psychiatrist from when i was 15 who said i probably had adhd but because i did ok in school its fine#and they wouldnt set the diagnosis#because the fact that i have papers from when i was 15 saying i don't have it is what's making this all so difficult#even though if you read all the papers it says i hit on EVERY SINGLE POINT#which is why the One Psych who listened to me is absolutely fuming losing her mind cause she can't understand why any of this happened#man i hate my fucking life lol
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spotaus · 6 months ago
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Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡
So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.
At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.
Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.
I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.
So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.
If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.
#spotatalk#i'm just gonna drop this in the queue I guess?#but I'm writing this on the last day of june so....#whenever this rolls around will be a jumpscare abd a half I guess?#I think honestly I coukd do a full breakdown of the Crew and why they're all expressions of me but like#quick summary is#Reset: Wants approval from people but mostly clings to the past. is afraid of losing his brother and acts on it to bring him back. i#<- I lack that conviction to do whatever you have to to get your way. i worry my brother and I have a weird gap between us we wont repair#Orchid: Uhhh woman. lots of pressure that she had at one time that's now no being pressed but she still tries to live up to it also.#<- I don't like the pressure of being a woman. also gifted-kid who cannot move past the pressures imposed to be 'perfect' and it's screwed#Stereo: Pulled into a situation he doesn't want to be in initially. it's bad for him but he likes the people so he decides to stay#<- I see the good in people. even when they hurt others around me. I was a bystander often and should've left the situations. paralelling.#Monochrome: Afraid. No purpose or preperation in life. soneone offers to guide him and he takes that offer because it's better than home.#<- Kinda self-explanitory but I've got little direction and feel lost a lot of the time. If I'm given a path I usually walk it no hesitation#and... for fun let's do some others!#Haphazard: Cleaning up after others since childhood. he's never really gotten a break and sees any sort of mess as an enemy#-> He's fixing rifts in universes I gotta patch relationships. there's so much conflict and I'm always so overwhelmed by it#Lost: He's got amnesia. no clue where he is. where he's from. who you are. who he is. he'll know when he gets there. he's sure.#-> I've been hsving minor issues with my memory for years. i coukd be forgetful but sometimes it just escapes me and that's spooky#Teddy: Isolated in her universe for years. she self-mutilated until she liked herself. when she finally met people she compulsively lied#-> Much more extreme version of how isolated I sonetines feel. hobbies can't replace human interaction but it's hard#oh and Ichor: God who loves mortals but cannot seem to find ones who will prove hin right for his trust and care#<- I've got a big heart. i express it often but the sentinent is scoffed off a lot. I get beat down about it and just keep moving forward#Pretender: Knows who he is. however the world doesn't like it much so he acts how they expect him to or isolates away#<- I still present femme when I'm nb/agender. i bend and break to people's perception of me. if I can't solve something I run.#okay I feel more insane than when ai started but these stupid skeletons have helped me through so many mental health problems it's only a#little bit funny 🙏
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actuallylorelaigilmore · 6 months ago
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i love my family so much. @actuallylukedanes had plans to go with their spouse to the state fair yesterday, and i planned to use my alone time to work on projects. but when i idly mentioned that i wished i could go to the fair too, because smaller local fairs were an essential and literally-every-year part of my life growing up, my best friend said there was no reason i couldn't--and their spouse's reaction to the idea was to be enthusiastically in support.
these two people, my own chosen family, not only gave me a ride so i could enjoy the day, but spent as much of it with me as possible just because we could all have fun together. and they never once made it seem like i was crashing their couple time, and when i chose to try and walk the grounds rather than using a mobility device (like i do during zoo visits that make leander happy) they never once treated me like i couldn't handle it and enforce my own limits or like i was dragging everything down by needing breaks.
so this is just an appreciation post for my people, who were happy to invite me at the last minute for a day of sun and strangers and entertainment and curly fries and testing my limits. it was nice to be reminded that i'm capable of more than my everyday routine, and also to be reminded of the way i used to live, that i miss. spontaneous plans, and trading spoons for experiences without regretting it, and not assuming that i need to stay home while everyone else does things (or assuming that i should avoid being around two people who don't get a lot of time together, cuz i don't want to bother them).
yesterday was a really good day.
#and in october i get to see black violin perform! and for my birthday i'll be seeing hadestown!!#will i be paying off my credit cards forever in order to both have fun and cover my basic needs? probably.#but it's really unbelievably nice to have fun at all--while i also have a safe place to live and access to groceries.#so i'll find a way to figure it out.#life stuff#actuallylukedanes#b who still sometimes surprises me by being so welcoming#(curly fries made at a fair are truly the best thing that don't exist anywhere else.#every year of my life before adulthood i waited all year long for the fair to start again#and every year i got to have those fries and it was just one happy memory i could count on#when actually not that much in my life was stable and reliable joy that way.#so the fair involved my family and my creativity and even my survival when i started selling things there#but the memories are all good ones--i don't remember a single bad thing.#i guess now that i think about it...fairs are my disneyland.#lol which is probably why i don't understand the appeal of actual disneyland#i already grew up in mine and when disneyland doesn't have livestock or free pens or plentiful food samples#it's hard for me to understand how it could be anywhere near as fun!#--this may be one of the things that marks my upbringing as rural.#other people had family vacations to amusement parks or natural wonders#i thought free stuff from local businesses was the height of luxury and seeing rabbits was exotic)#/tag abuse
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softdreamlesssleep · 5 months ago
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God, "I missed you" sex is the best
#eep.txt#as soon as we were alone he kissed me hard and just couldn't get close enough#we went to his room and he immediately attacked my neck i don't think i've ever had so many hickeys at once#he kept grinding for so long against me on his lap 😵‍💫 i was very desperate for more but he just wanted so feel my skin against his#he was sososo cute with his messy hair and the way he kept saying i love you!#i could see myself in the mirror in front of his bed i didn't think i was this fucked out lmao#maybe the first time i moaned this loud and talked this much too#usually i have to keep quiet even though it's hard cuz there's other people but it was so nice having him aaalll to myself#when he finally put his fingers in it felt like heaven i'd been so long#and same he just kept going so deep and so fast my god he said he liked hearing me again#i had to stop him cause i was getting really overstimulated but it was so good#i'm pretty sure it's the first time i've actually like moaned his name without meaning to do it#apparently i didn't realise i was babbling and scratching his back so hard#god i love being a power bottom and calling him cute or my sweet boy and getting him desperate but...#when he goes feral like that after not seeing me for a while? it's the best. i'm so lucky to have such a service top#so happy to be with him again#after we cuddled and we showered and we cooked and then watched videos and then talked and laughed#i'm so happy right now to even see him sleeping next to me :]#sorry i meant to do a sexy post but i guess this is more positive venting i'll make a proper one later#still new to this writing thing i'm probably very bad at it but it's nice to have a place to write down my memories and experiences
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silverwhittlingknife · 1 year ago
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Hey I was stalking ur page just now and tripped over the “dick and tim and food” posts and it made me think of how, during the “Robin in keystone city” arc, pizza is brought up at least twice, and both times tim specified that he doesn’t want pineapple on the pizza. BUT iirc tim normally enjoys or at the very least tolerates pineapple on pizza, and I wanted to know if you thought maybe tim was avoiding pineapple pizza bc it’s a tim and dick thing for him and he’d miss his brother or something
Or maybe I’m just being weird or something idk
HEADCANON ACCEPTED I LOVE THIS
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(the context of the panel is that dick ordered pizza, and alfred told him that he could've made food, so dick is saying "uh huh but i bet you wouldn't willingly make anoudille and pineapple pizza though" and alfred is all "no i would NOT and i can barely tolerate that you're eating it in front of me")
anyway so YES clearly tim can't eat andouille or pineapple pizza without Dick!! it'd be lonely
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aeb-art · 8 months ago
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so i made myself sad with this one actually oopsies
mall toons belong to @8um8le 🙇
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slippery-minghus · 19 days ago
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oof
#actually yeah remember that time i had swine flu#i had a 104 degree fever and was terrified to go to the hospital#not because of the hospital but because i'd have to manage my parents' emotions and anxiety while i was there on top of being sick as hell#i locked myself in the bathroom refusing to let my dad take me to the ER#and only gave in when he promised he wouldn't tell my mom#and then his girlfriend told my mom. they fucking lied#and then. you guessed it. i had to manage everyone's emotions while we waited for the ER to do literally nothing#the swine flu tests were super unreliable and i got a false negative. they sent me home with some antibiotics and called it a day#then sheepishly called a week later when the second test came back positive to basically ask if i was still alive#swine flu fucked me up for a long time. but it didn't warrant an er visit#and it certainly didn't warrant my parents fucking breaking my trust like that#i know they only told my mom so they didn't have to deal with her going off after the fact#which is such bullshit. that's the kind of thing a parent is supposed to take and shield their kid from#not break their trust so you get it easy#but of course. if my dad had been one to take my aversion to my mom seriously then. then he and i wouldn't be going on 4yrs of no contact#because a looooot of things would've had to be different for that one thing to happen#god i have so much anger for my parents. so much grief#my mom's been surprisingly silent (all things considered) in the near month i've been no contact with her#and it's not like seeing the disgusting emails and voicemails from her feels good but... but they're almost better than nothing.#they're sort of love. in a way. not really... but. but it hurts to know how hard my dad fought to get through to me#and to have spent the past 4yrs with my mom rubbing in my face how she'd never be like him and Just let me go. how she'd fight.#being told that at the time didn't feel like love. didn't feel healthy. and now seeing that she didn't even fucking mean it.#she prided herself so much on being the one who Loved Me More. really hard not to see it for the performance it was now#makes me wonder if my dad really actually did love me as much as he said. not that it was much but. it was more. it was something#i know he's not capable of change. even less capable than my mom. but. i really miss my dad right now.#(​glad i can still remember what his voice sounds like. so i don't have to go listen to one of those old voicemails he left me)#even considering that the memory that brought this all up was him lying to me and betraying my trust#being no contact with my parents...i'm finally the orphan i always have been#personal#ahhhh therapy's gonna be JUICY this week 🤣
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corvuscorona · 7 months ago
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GUIDING PRINCIPLES:
jack is Literally Just An Earth Guy (no strong Earth Memories)
astos' haterism is powerful enough to eclipse his desire to have coherent conversations if he doesn't Watch Out
when u love someone their haterism becomes one of ur favorite flavors
????? IT'S JACKSTOS JUNE
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lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar · 1 month ago
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yes i did predict what russ's facbeook would post, and there it is
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endeverous · 2 months ago
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.
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omegaverse-anesthesiologist · 3 months ago
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started the stormblood drk quests and. hmm. why does this kid look like ysayle and haurchefant had a baby?
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turtlemagnum · 3 months ago
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god, i suck at mario 2. i'm disparaging my legacy.... seriously, how the fuck have i beaten the lost levels without save states but can't get past 1-3 in american mario 2???? why am i not instantly good at a game i've never really played, god!!!! my mother would be disappointed in me
post writing the tags turtle here: i started rambling about my childhood made the tags longer than the actual post and don't feel like putting them onto the actual post because that'd be too much work and i'm feeling lazy. read em if you want personal bullshit! or don't. i'm not care
#one of the few luxuries we had growing up was a super nintendo#it was pretty much exclusively my mom's. and some of my earliest memories are watching her play super mario all stars and a link to the pas#she only specifically ever played mario 2 and 3. i never saw mario 1 or the lost levels as a kid#guess they're not as replayable to her. she says she's beaten both once#for some reason i remember playing a fair amount of donkey kong country. we had all 3 of them#i think as a kid i got farthest in the 3rd one? always got weird vibes from that one but it was still fun#growing up *my* home console was an N64. mom didn't really like it for whatever reason so it usually lived in my room#i still remember buying majora's mask from a toy store that's not in business anymore. i think that was one of my only games that wasn't a#hand-me-down. i think it was that and turok rage wars#as far as i remember everything else was given by a relative or a relative's boyfriend or something#still don't know where a lot of them went#i used to have the tony hawk games on there. and i think i remember gex? i think those were my cousins boyfriends stuff#i guess he took em back at some point#last i heard about that cousin she was in jail wacked out on drugs#i remember her boyfriend being a good guy. i think she got him on drugs or something. bad influence i guess#i hope he's doing better now. as an adult i'd say he's too good for her#or maybe i'm just nostalgic for one of the only positive male figures i had as a child. hell if i know#tags are now longer than the actual post. i don't feel like movin em to the post now. too much work#oh well! such is life#or as the franch say... Say Luh V!#i hope reading that made a francophone physically hurt. i hope they feel pain because of me#sorry that's not very nice. i'm not gonna delete that though.
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chaoswillcalmusdown · 4 months ago
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operation "how much estrogen leeway do we have" has commenced and it's only been 2 days but i'm so frustrated my muscles are still acting like they've been through a marathon
#the past month has been trash and i've spent sooo many work days at home already this year#operation estrogen might fail which would leave us in an interesting place bc idk what the fuck he's gonna try next#except for a more radical surgery#which like. i'm down but endo seems to never get properly treated on surgery alone#though i guess mine might be if they surgically remove everything necessary to get rid of my periods#i'm just like#so frustrated by the way this takes time#and my endo is still like. comparatively not bad. and i've not struggled with it that long#relatively speaking#hiding from work helps a tad until i then have to return to work after an absence#i feel guilty about not being at work but i also just really want to have arms that don't feel like lead#i want to have energy for one after work activity once in a while#and like. my doctor is determined to get me there#they all keep telling me that it is important that i'm good and not just surviving#i'm just really tired#and i have to speak to the counselor tomorrow which#is good and mature but i truly don't fucking want to#i have fridays off to 'get more rest' but like#i do one thing on the weekend and it knocks me the fuck out#traitorous goddamn body#we shall see what the counselor says before i message my endo doctor agAIn but i don't think i'm any more capable of working full weeks#now than i was 4 weeks ago#i haven't worked a full week in the 6 weeks since school came back#rip to me#😔#some day my whiny text posts will be but a memory#i say as if i have any faith
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pigeonclaw · 5 months ago
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It's so funny how, unprompted, so many posts on my for you tab alternate between text posts saying "Nightheart is the best WC character I love him" and "Nightheart sucks, he's the worst, I want him dead." Idk what I did to make tumblr think Nightheart discourse is my hobby but I do find it a little entertaining.
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