#I don't have I good memory I guess
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God, "I missed you" sex is the best
#eep.txt#as soon as we were alone he kissed me hard and just couldn't get close enough#we went to his room and he immediately attacked my neck i don't think i've ever had so many hickeys at once#he kept grinding for so long against me on his lap 😵💫 i was very desperate for more but he just wanted so feel my skin against his#he was sososo cute with his messy hair and the way he kept saying i love you!#i could see myself in the mirror in front of his bed i didn't think i was this fucked out lmao#maybe the first time i moaned this loud and talked this much too#usually i have to keep quiet even though it's hard cuz there's other people but it was so nice having him aaalll to myself#when he finally put his fingers in it felt like heaven i'd been so long#and same he just kept going so deep and so fast my god he said he liked hearing me again#i had to stop him cause i was getting really overstimulated but it was so good#i'm pretty sure it's the first time i've actually like moaned his name without meaning to do it#apparently i didn't realise i was babbling and scratching his back so hard#god i love being a power bottom and calling him cute or my sweet boy and getting him desperate but...#when he goes feral like that after not seeing me for a while? it's the best. i'm so lucky to have such a service top#so happy to be with him again#after we cuddled and we showered and we cooked and then watched videos and then talked and laughed#i'm so happy right now to even see him sleeping next to me :]#sorry i meant to do a sexy post but i guess this is more positive venting i'll make a proper one later#still new to this writing thing i'm probably very bad at it but it's nice to have a place to write down my memories and experiences
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I don't want to go back into the fucking building again but at the same time I do...... UUUGH autism hell
#sage speaks#this is called had a hyperfixation that you SO DESPERATELY want to leave behind#but NO. it won't let you.#because you do have good memories but said media is just.. not good...#uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh... you probably know what this is about already....#if you don't good for you...#I wont talk about it here#mainly cause I don't want to#I want to leave 14 year old me behind#technically went until I was at least 16#might've started earlier than 14#ugh.... it did help me figure out im lesbian so i guess that was a pro#and the POTENTIAL... It coulda been great#but the character writing falls flat alas#I JUST SAID I WONT TALK ABOUT THIS#FUUUUCK
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Hey I was stalking ur page just now and tripped over the “dick and tim and food” posts and it made me think of how, during the “Robin in keystone city” arc, pizza is brought up at least twice, and both times tim specified that he doesn’t want pineapple on the pizza. BUT iirc tim normally enjoys or at the very least tolerates pineapple on pizza, and I wanted to know if you thought maybe tim was avoiding pineapple pizza bc it’s a tim and dick thing for him and he’d miss his brother or something
Or maybe I’m just being weird or something idk
HEADCANON ACCEPTED I LOVE THIS
(the context of the panel is that dick ordered pizza, and alfred told him that he could've made food, so dick is saying "uh huh but i bet you wouldn't willingly make anoudille and pineapple pizza though" and alfred is all "no i would NOT and i can barely tolerate that you're eating it in front of me")
anyway so YES clearly tim can't eat andouille or pineapple pizza without Dick!! it'd be lonely
#i guess the alternate possibility is that tim doesn't actually like pineapple on pizza#but pretended to dick that he did early in their acquaintance and now it's too embarrassing to say he doesn't actually#but i do think of tim as someone who's very hung up on little symbols#and he would totally have a bunch of nostalgic feelings about some food item & decide not to eat it out of loyalty#ijust in general i tend to think of both dick and tim as very past-focused characters#which is not the usual take on dick esp. now when it's more popular to contrast him 100% with batman#where it's all 'bruce is past-focused and that's BAD and dick is future-focused and that's GOOD'#but some of the comic moments i always think of are dick going 'don't you REMEMBER' to bruce in b 416#and then tim going 'i remember it all' in lpod and 'i want him to be the batman i REMEMBER'#like. they're both sorta very invested in the past and in preserving what was good about the past#and then r0 is just dick and tim telling each other their backstories & prodigal is all about dick's memories#and dick and babs have a bunch of fights about whether dick is too nostalgic for the past in nightwing#anyway i think my point is that dick & tim would separately ascribe emotional meaning to some random pizza they ate together#and then be unable to discuss it w/anyone including each other bc they're repressed#ask tag
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so i made myself sad with this one actually oopsies
mall toons belong to @8um8le 🙇
#2024#stellar city#sc geo#sc mall toons#self insert#self ship#sc ash#sc pyro#sc tele#sc hydro#grief can haunt you but... there's still love in those memories even if you can't go back#i kinda... i still tear up when i think about my grandma too much and it's been almost twenty years#she was lovely- but i was too young for us to know each other well enough- i like to think she'd like who i am now#and geo... i'm still thinking of ballad's one drawing where geo's sorry he couldn't be who she wanted... but geo honey she loved /YOU/#and idk... getting him to talk about her- about the happy memories- maybe for a moment he could be reminded that her love was unconditional#okay well we don't actually know much about her i'm making a lot of assumptions... granted i'm always making guess with this stuff lmao#anyways maybe i'm talking too much... i wanna hold him- that's the bottom line here#okay welp i hope you all have a good day/night my lovelies xoxoxo mwah mwah <3333
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GUIDING PRINCIPLES:
jack is Literally Just An Earth Guy (no strong Earth Memories)
astos' haterism is powerful enough to eclipse his desire to have coherent conversations if he doesn't Watch Out
when u love someone their haterism becomes one of ur favorite flavors
????? IT'S JACKSTOS JUNE
#sopffic#this one isn't going anywhere necessarily. I mean it might get put somewhere but don't worry about it. no context required#you get to witness the extremely something way I mark where italics go in my notes app I guess#in my defense they only added formatting to keep a few months ago I think. also it does NOT paste faithfully into other programs#anyway. he should lose the plot sometimes don't u think. bro your tangent doesn't even cohere w/ itself..#that's a sign of comfort though probably. it's fine#don't you think it's completely fucking wild how like..... nnnone of them appear to have memories of wh. where they came from#originally I mean. I feel like there's no implication 1 way or the other about whether they have any While they're btwn missions???#reasons the writing is so good: that's right. do not tell me. also: I get to decide. I will decide based solely on what's more unsettling
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#I'm having a bad day/night#stuff on top of stuff on top of being sick#I'm so tired of feeling insufficient#i really don't like that fall seems to be a trauma anniversary time for me#cause I think that's what's happening#fucking unfair that the only good season would cause me immense and unbearable sadness#rude >:(#and I'm afraid of asking my doctor for antidepressants because I'm already gaining weight on my own#I don't want I grow out of all of my clothes. I like my clothes. I've made a lot of them#but I guess if it's either memory-wiping misery or make a new wardrobe I'll take the new wardrobe??#hard fuckin sell tho.#(are there factors that I could theoretically fix and that would help the sadness? yes. am too much of a coward? also yes)#endev talks to herself#god. fuck. sigh.
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started the stormblood drk quests and. hmm. why does this kid look like ysayle and haurchefant had a baby?
#sid and rielle are actually acknowledging myste so I don't think it's another fray situation exactly#but at the same time. what the fuck?#i'm going to guess that he didn't take half my soulstone but that he *is* the other half of my soulstone?#like fray is the manifestation of the wol's anger and desire to be free while myste is the manifestation of the wol's grief#myste can do the memory thing because he himself is a memory... which again. kinda fucked up. I cannot see this ending well at all.#he's a visual representation of my every failure‚ my every regret. good gods.#it's nice to have sidurgu and rielle back tho i missed their dynamic. weird ass found family#in which nina screams into the void
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god, i suck at mario 2. i'm disparaging my legacy.... seriously, how the fuck have i beaten the lost levels without save states but can't get past 1-3 in american mario 2???? why am i not instantly good at a game i've never really played, god!!!! my mother would be disappointed in me
post writing the tags turtle here: i started rambling about my childhood made the tags longer than the actual post and don't feel like putting them onto the actual post because that'd be too much work and i'm feeling lazy. read em if you want personal bullshit! or don't. i'm not care
#one of the few luxuries we had growing up was a super nintendo#it was pretty much exclusively my mom's. and some of my earliest memories are watching her play super mario all stars and a link to the pas#she only specifically ever played mario 2 and 3. i never saw mario 1 or the lost levels as a kid#guess they're not as replayable to her. she says she's beaten both once#for some reason i remember playing a fair amount of donkey kong country. we had all 3 of them#i think as a kid i got farthest in the 3rd one? always got weird vibes from that one but it was still fun#growing up *my* home console was an N64. mom didn't really like it for whatever reason so it usually lived in my room#i still remember buying majora's mask from a toy store that's not in business anymore. i think that was one of my only games that wasn't a#hand-me-down. i think it was that and turok rage wars#as far as i remember everything else was given by a relative or a relative's boyfriend or something#still don't know where a lot of them went#i used to have the tony hawk games on there. and i think i remember gex? i think those were my cousins boyfriends stuff#i guess he took em back at some point#last i heard about that cousin she was in jail wacked out on drugs#i remember her boyfriend being a good guy. i think she got him on drugs or something. bad influence i guess#i hope he's doing better now. as an adult i'd say he's too good for her#or maybe i'm just nostalgic for one of the only positive male figures i had as a child. hell if i know#tags are now longer than the actual post. i don't feel like movin em to the post now. too much work#oh well! such is life#or as the franch say... Say Luh V!#i hope reading that made a francophone physically hurt. i hope they feel pain because of me#sorry that's not very nice. i'm not gonna delete that though.
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operation "how much estrogen leeway do we have" has commenced and it's only been 2 days but i'm so frustrated my muscles are still acting like they've been through a marathon
#the past month has been trash and i've spent sooo many work days at home already this year#operation estrogen might fail which would leave us in an interesting place bc idk what the fuck he's gonna try next#except for a more radical surgery#which like. i'm down but endo seems to never get properly treated on surgery alone#though i guess mine might be if they surgically remove everything necessary to get rid of my periods#i'm just like#so frustrated by the way this takes time#and my endo is still like. comparatively not bad. and i've not struggled with it that long#relatively speaking#hiding from work helps a tad until i then have to return to work after an absence#i feel guilty about not being at work but i also just really want to have arms that don't feel like lead#i want to have energy for one after work activity once in a while#and like. my doctor is determined to get me there#they all keep telling me that it is important that i'm good and not just surviving#i'm just really tired#and i have to speak to the counselor tomorrow which#is good and mature but i truly don't fucking want to#i have fridays off to 'get more rest' but like#i do one thing on the weekend and it knocks me the fuck out#traitorous goddamn body#we shall see what the counselor says before i message my endo doctor agAIn but i don't think i'm any more capable of working full weeks#now than i was 4 weeks ago#i haven't worked a full week in the 6 weeks since school came back#rip to me#😔#some day my whiny text posts will be but a memory#i say as if i have any faith
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It's so funny how, unprompted, so many posts on my for you tab alternate between text posts saying "Nightheart is the best WC character I love him" and "Nightheart sucks, he's the worst, I want him dead." Idk what I did to make tumblr think Nightheart discourse is my hobby but I do find it a little entertaining.
#I'm nightheart-neutral for the record#i like some things about him but dislike how the narrative and other characters get warped around him to justify his thoughts#if that makes sense#i guess for me he lives in the category of characters with good potential who just don't go anywhere#so for people who love him and hate him i really understand both sides#but for the most part. i just don't care. idk#tbh i haven't been as attached to asc protags as i have for protags from other arcs#if i had to pick a favorite i guess I'd say frostpaw? i enjoy her character development the most (bc she actually has some lol)#but idk if anybody from asc would make it onto my favorites list. maybe that would change if i reread it though#it is strange that I'm not as attached to the characters bc the story itself is really quite good#i have zero thoughts about sunbeam unfortunately#beyond her parental situation being awfully relatable#but again. maybe i just need to reread these books#i probably will in the weeks leading up to star's release just to refresh my memory#pigeon mews#edit: oh god why did i make this post now tumblr is gonna recommend me MORE nightheart discourse lmao#edit 2: i forgot to say! although i don't have any strong feelings about nightheart in particular#i do really enjoy his friendship with frostpaw. it's sweet
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getting into batman and fam late is mildly embarrassing because with the series going on for so long there's a lot of various different interpretations of characters and they'll usually have common threads between them in the very least appearance wise so its easy to recognise them. i, however, did not grow up with the standard appearance of these characters and none shows that example more than when i imagine dick grayson. bc when ppl think of dick grayson he has long(ish) dark hair whereas what i think of is:
#shut up danni's talking#gif#batfam#on another mildly embarrassing note i grew up w dick's personality being those films which from memory is mostly cheerful#w a good(ish) relationship w bruce and almost always smiling#HOWEVER i knew of tim drake so whenever i saw robin in teen titans i assumed ah thats tim then i guess bc he always seemed so serious#that being said i never actually watched teen titans it never really appealed to me but i did know of it#on a similar note my mind always gets v confused bc the barbara in those films is my hc steph which does not make sense#mostly bc i don't think of her as barbara gordon bc she's not she's instead alfred's niece or smth?#but shes blonde and shes batgirl so 🤷♀️ brain says thats steph which is why in my head she and dick would be friends at least#but yeah i always imagine dick w rlly short hair so it always takes me back a bit when i read someone describe dick's hair lol#tbf i don't take everything in those movies as canon bc the batnips still haunt my dreams and made me giggle uncontrollably as a kid#like seriously batman w visible nips like who you trying to intimidate batman you have nips on your armor
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youtube
Beasties of Greenhollow soundtrack! Some tracks on this are from older projects like elphame but all of them have been reworked in some way. Most of them are entirely new. Enjoy!
#soundtrack#music#indiegamedev#Youtube#beasties of greenhollow#indiegame#chiptune#elphame#hey again gang. Another scream into the void#Things have been getting more interesting tbh#I'm starting therapy again. I have learned from this that my anxiety is in the very very high end.#And I guess the only thing that surprises me about that is that it's an abnormally high amount vs the average.#I've had more intrusive thoughts this week than in a long time. (I almost said ever but that was 2021 where they woke me up...)#It's mostly about my mistakes and ppl I've scared out of being in my life because of the actions based on my anxieties.#Like “if i could go back in time I could fix it”... girl you'd be going back in time like 100 times. At that point it's not fair lmao#I think I shouldn't talk about who I'm dating here anymore. Friends told me to stop seeing so many new people and I took that advice.#I'm exercising incredibly frequently; obsessively so. It really doesn't change much in my anxiety. I walk for like 3 hours a day.#My friend group is... difficult. One of us had a falling out with another and the dynamic is just so awkward for me now.#it just seems like everyone else has moved past it though but I still miss him. I don't think this can be reversed#we used to talk on my stream and play digimon cards n jackbox and d&d... But now they're only interested in d&d which I don't love#For god's sake I've published a game and moved to a nice new place. why aren't I happy hahahaha#work is no longer enjoyable since BoG was publised. our new project is in an iffy category but it's not my place to argue#I want to write music and animate but I have to do my hours for this new project before I can do anything like that...#I ended up siding with my current boss in that ethical dilemma I posted about and rn idk if that was the right decision.#Okay what can i talk about that's good? We moved to a nice place. I'm celebrating BoG's release with family tomorrow.#Graeme's playing Iconoclasts- one of my favourite games! He's also returning to work soon so it'll be less awkward to have a lady over#Thinking about good stuff going on just draws the mind to holidays I've had before. I treasure my memories!#Okay so I've complained for a long long time bc life doesn't feel great rn. But rest assured I already know this is 90% my fault hahaha#Oh another good thing that happened!!! My elestrals card was printed and ppl are really happy with it. I have a card in a real card game!!!#don't tell anyone but there's another one on the way. Anyway that will do for now. I'm sorry about my... self.
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pros of learning how to play fighting game:
undergoing a learning experience, trying out something entirely different from anything i have previously played
i get to look at a little guy do cool things on my screen :)
cons of learning how to play fighting game:
i am clumsy as all hell with the inputs
the order in which you press and/or hold buttons to create inputs is less like trying to get a sequence of movements right and more like playing a rhythm game (down then while not letting go of down press forward then let go of down and THEN press an attack button on the other side of the keyboard). i suck at rhythm games. hell world
sometimes, the damn things just... won't register? at all? you do a half circle to forward input and the game says "half circle forward? oh, sorry, that's ensenga :)" or, worse, "too slow, that's a regular heavy slash move :)". brother. why must you do me like this.
the area between the knuckles of my ring and little finger hurts like a motherfucker (though this has hurt in various areas since at least this morning, but i'm willing to bet that practicing quarter and half circle inputs for at least an hour did not make the situation any better)
#swear to god learning to play guilty gear is the ultimate test of will#but i am very determined not to drop it despite all of my frustration#it's not like i haven't dropped games in the past - i find it incredibly difficult to play ultrakill because despite the fact that i grew up#on shooters (from rtcw onward) i suck ass at ultrakill (though it's not like i was much good at any shooter that required quick reaction#time at first - it took me a good long while to get good at overwatch) and whenever i boot it up my mind immediately starts telling me that#all i can do in ultrakill‚ The Game That Revolves Around Being Fast And Stylish And Fun‚ is suck at it#which - you guessed it - means i rarely get the will to play it because i know i'll just end up neither having fun or getting better#and it's become very difficult for me to derive joy from trying to complete any videogame but that's a whole different story#and there's no way in hell i'm starting five because once i start five i'll finish playing five and holy shit i really need to start#visiting my therapist again don't i#too bad! :)#at any rate i'm not giving up on guilty gear anytime soon! it's frustrating but i know i'll start having loads of fun once i've mastered the#basics#also don't ask why i'm playing on a keyboard. controller's worse. this is entirely unfamiliar and weird and i don't have the muscle memory#for it but i will someday!! i will!!!#logs#Black Blank blah-blah-blah#< will be using this tag for any post in which i end up complaining about my life‚ feel free to blacklist it anytime
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you know at the end of the day today i was chatting w some other paras. i was a special ed para for a seventh grader today that's what i did. and the last block for them is just learning center and it's chill and it's friday and some of the kids were making pizza and no one was really doing anything or stressed or bothered so the kids and the adults just have various little shooting-the-breeze sessions although im usually not that active in these bc Im Shy, And A Substitute so i feel very out of place a lot of the time. but anyway i had never really talked much w either of the paras i was with today and we struck up a conversation about some stuff and one of them says to me "you know just so you know i LOVE your hair" and she turns to the other para and she's like "isnt it gorgeous? dont you love her hair?"
and i kinda blushed and said thank you a couple of times and looked down bc that's what i do when i receive a sincere-sounding compliment unexpectedly. and then i chatted a little more before i kinda drifted out of the conversation and opened my book and after a page or two one of them asked me about what i was reading (it's Song of the Cell: An Exploration of Medicine and the New Human by Siddhartha Mukherjee if you were wondering and i started it a few days ago). so i told them a bit about it and started chatting again on the topic of reading and i guess i was just naturally smiling and the same one who complimented my hair said "look at those dimples. i just can't w you"
#made me wanna cry a little. i was like thank u mom#felt beautiful at work. who do i tell this to?#tales from diana#i have never had my dimples complimented not to my memory at least#i kinda forget i have them bc i don't. i don't like. smile naturally and get a good view of them when i look in the mirror#i dont think they show up when i dont smile candidly either? unless im forced-smiling really hard#yeah idrk what they look like i guess#i received both of these compliments with a little bit of an 'oh shucks' (blushes) attitude#i have to say. it's not that i don't get complimented on my appearance. but most of the time it doesn't sound... don't wanna say 'sincere'#it doesn't feel like. FELT. as a compliment. a lot of the time#like sometimes it feels like courtesy. and other times. it feels like#someone will mention to me that im like young and pretty but theyll say it in a 'but im not impressed' tone which is really#odd bc. it's not like i asked?#it's like in a small way it's to 'put me in my place' or address some elephant in the room#like it's an annoyance to them rather than an expression of. you know. admiration#not that i need to be admired for my appearance but that's what i mean. like it felt nice#like a lot of the time ppl will tell me im pretty it sounds either like flattery or like some kind of weird anti-flattery#they're trying to give me a big head or they assume it's already big and they wanna deflate it#yeah that was nice tho. i talked w one of those paras for a pretty long time abt art and photography#she has a children's book coming out soon too and it sounded so interesting. i liked her a lot#i also like the kid i worked w today. i had been w her before but not in like 6 months. she's a sweetie
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Sent kasumi home, replaced tektus but spared him, kept dimas secret, I think this was also not the best solution because a peace build on lies etc. Etc whatever but I am satisfied. Also wish I can let kasumi decide what she wanted. Anyways now she has her family and she can always go back to Acadia if she needs too so nothing that much lost I guess.
#fallout 4#geym#i think also i like everybody in far harbor dlc#sometimes watsonian sometimes doylist tho#allen lee cam fuck himself but also i think he is a good character#coa are insane but i drunk the radaid i love them this is not good I am guessing i already have some kind of cult past#but they are nice and insane amd have cool aesthetic🥺#acadia are synths they are getting pass from me directly and i don't think dima is evil or monster while he did terrinle things#anyways its still not over tho there is 4 more memories
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#sims#ts3#sims 3#photoshoots#character verse#eden astra-fletcher#she's just such a good egg#fun fact when taylor wasn't existing in the verse eden was briefly emmelie's girlfriend due to a dream I had once about them#I've done some fancy ass photoshoots with them#they looked nice together but... ah#in the end I guess they're like from two different worlds and it wouldn't last#and when I brought back taylor and started redeveloping her I eventually realised she and em have always been the one for each other#(literally. taylor swift's song the 1 reminds me of them)#so I had to discard edelie with a heavy heart and they don't even exist as exes anymore as it would be awks if em dated tay's cousin before#but yeah good memories. maybe in one of the parallel verses it still happens. who knows#but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna put eden back with april#they could have a nice friends to lovers arc#and april would fit perfectly into the freya stuff that I'm trying to figure out right now#in the previous version of the verse they were all friends actually and had elemental powers but that's a story for another time#note to myself: make a ts3 post with april I have her pics lying somewhere
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