#ugh.... it did help me figure out im lesbian so i guess that was a pro

[ex-vespidae]

I don't want to go back into the fucking building again but at the same time I do...... UUUGH autism hell

[hellyrgf]

yo why tf have i been crying over glee so much lately i am usually NOT this affected by cheesy high school dramas

[drkcnry67]

you are

A/N: going into the DC side of things. except another leap for my writing as well as my brain. this came to be in the middle of the night bout 2am so i briefly jotted a few ideas on a piece of paper in the dark and now im doing this… i hope this brings joy in these dark times!

Pairing: Kate Kane x reader

sentance inspirations : “what's stopping you now?" “can you help me with my tie?” / “can you zip up my dress?”

tags: WARNING THIS IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES! THIS STORY FEATURES LESBIAN (GIRL ON GIRL) SEX, I REPEAT DO NOT READ IF UNDER THE AGE OF 18. I MEAN IT! DO NOT READ THIS STORY IF YOUR UNDERAGE! YOU WILL BE VIOLATING SOME LAWS IF YOU DO! NOW DONT DO IT!

summery: not freaking telling

Masterlist

several years ago, billionaire Bruce Wayne disappeared from Gotham City, the company struggled but when Lucius Fox got murdered his nephew Luke struggled to keep Wayne techs inner lights on.

one evening Kate Kane walked into the office of CEO Bruce Wayne her cousin. she was determined to continue the legacy he had left behind in one shape or form.

she stumbled upon her cousins biggest secret, the biggest legacy he had left behind. she found the Batcave. she discovered her cousin was Batman. now she continues the shadow of the Bat. she continues to strike fear into the criminal element of Gotham City.

you had gone off the grid shortly after Bruce did, you werent sure when or if you should return but 6 years later you did, just cause you figured things would have changed and you had heard about another bat being in gotham.

you wanted to know if Bruce had returned. of course you knew your boss’ deepest darkest secret, you were his co ceo and his secretary. you had to know these things.

the penthouse you had been living in before leaving gotham hadnt changed at all. after putting your stuff down and getting somewhat settled, you decided to go and see if your workplace had changed at all, you decided to go see if anything had changed with Wayne tech.

the exterior of wayne tech hadnt changed though there were fewer lights on inside, but you swiped your key card thinking that no one else would be here that you would be able to go upstairs without anyone realizing that you were here.

kate: “someone just used a key card and entered the building.” Luke: “what do we do?” Kate: “we need to find out who they are and how they have a key card. It looks like they are coming up here. So perfect we will be questioning them in no time.”

Luke: “why would we question someone who used a key card? wait what was the key card access number?”

Kate looked at the computer again…

Kate: “4789932. why do you ask?”

Luke: “dont interrogate the person coming out of the elevator was the last person to see Bruce before he disappeared. his secretary, YN.”

you exit the elevator at that moment to see Luke and Kate in the room. Kate’s eyes lock onto yours, her gaze piercing your soul, you had forgotten that you were standing in the office of your former boss.

Luke: “you YN right?”

YN: “who are you? and how did you get in here? this is sacred space.”

Kate steps in front of luke and comes close to you.

Kate: “no need to be hostile, im Kate Kane im Bruce’s cousin. the one he didnt really mention, when he disappeared i figured i would use this place as my home away from home. plus my buddy Luke here is the son of Lucius who i believe worked closely with you and Bruce before Bruce disappeared and before Lucius passed a year ago. when my cousin disappeared did you happen to…”

you interrupted Kate, you felt bad for doing so but you knew what she was gonna ask.

YN: “no he didnt mention anything to me about where he was going, he was just being Bruce. he told me he had to leave Gotham and wasnt sure if or when he would return. i left that same day when he and i had last talked. we had our final conversation and i got on the next flight out of gotham and spent the last few years trying to cope with having lost my job, the loss of my best friend, and the loss of my life.”

Kate: “how long have you been back in Gotham?”

You had to set yourself down in a chair cause now you were feeling the vibes and memories from being back in the office.

YN: “i got back only 4 hours ago. i live in the penthouse in the gotham plaza hotel a couple blocks away. but there are a ton of cars and everything everywhere whats going on?”

Kate looked at you and then remmbered that you hadnt been back in gotham very long.

Kate: “tonight is some sort of fancy ball type thing that the rich folk are throwing in honor of the crows security team that helps the gcpd protect gotham well only those who can afford it anyway. anyway my dad wants me to make an appearance and be there and such so i was wondering if your not busy would you consider coming with me…”

you were shocked this woman this woman who you had barely known for a total of half an hour was asking you on a date… and you of course had nothing to wear.

YN: “i would love to but i have nothing to wear.”

Kate: “we can solve that… Luke im taking the night off… and whatever you do dont contact me at all. im gonna show YN just how much has changed in this city and with its people. and rememebr to pick us up at the apartment at 6:30pm.”

Kate takes you to the elevator and down to the garage. you of course realized that she had a motor bike and that was a total turn on for you.

YN: “where are we gonna find me an outfit on such short notice.”

Kate: “there is a boutique near my place we will stop there on the way to getting me ready.”

you take the helmet that she hands you, you put it on and strap your small bag cross your body, and get on behind Kate. you hold on tight as she takes off out of the garage.

the feeling coursing through your veins right then was something you hadnt felt in a long time. in about 15 minutes you both arrived at a small boutique. it was super fancy, you remmber hitting alot of those types of store when you were bruce’s secretary.

Kate: “lets find you a dress…”

you and Kate walk into the boutique and smile as you both walk in not knowing what you wanted like detail wise for a dress. but Kate spoke up fairly calm.

Kate: “can i get some help to find this lovely woman a dress for the ball tonight?”

Helen comes around the corner and stands immediately in front of you and Kate.

Helen: “such a fluent canvas, let me guess you wear mostly bright colors, but look good in almost anything, dont really care for heals but will deal with wedges, spaghetti strap, built in bra, and has to have a slit in the front for easy walking but can deal if it doesnt. how did i do?”

YN: “you got it. how did you know?”

Helen: “darlin’ ive been at this a long time plus you are very easy to read… wait a moment you remind me of.. YN?”

you had to think now… you couldnt think straight in the first place cause of Kate but now you were faced with this lady who suddenly knew your name.

YN: “im sorry you seem to have me at a disadvantage. do i know you?”

Helen: “its me Helen, i was your tailor when Mr Wayne was still here. God rest his soul.”

you now knew who she was and she hugged you welcoming you back to Gotham as she took you to the rack where she happened to have a mermaid spaghetti strap in lilac and in your size.

she pulled it off the shelf and handed it to you. you held it up to your figure and she gave it the thumbs up as she went to grab you a shawl and a handbag as well as a pair of wedges which she took a guess on the size.

kate and you went back to her apartment and she helped you get comfortable before she went to go get ready for the ball. you started to take off what you currently were wearing, and then you slid into the dress. the satin lace combo gliding across your skin.

you didnt hear Kate who wanted your help with her tie come back as you finished pulling the up but couldnt reach the zipper.

Kate: “knock knock…”

YN: “i cant reach the zipper. Can you zip up my dress?”

Kate: “only if you help me. Can you help me with my tie?”

you nod.

YN: “deal. but who goes first?”

Kate: “come closer to me and turn around so i can do up the zipper.”

you turn around and move your hair out of habit. Kate’s hands move slowly along your back to the zipper but they trace every inch of your back before grasping the zipper.

YN: “can I ask you something?”

Kate: “of course.”

Yn: “did you have any contact with Bruce before he left that would indicate where he was going or why?”

Kate: “no but my cousin was strong willed, if he wanted to do something he most certainly did everything in his power to achieve whatever he was trying to do. Ugh the zipper is stuck, do not worry I have someone who is very eager to help in any way possible but while I Call her can you do my tie?”

Just as you turn around you hear the door open, Kate turns to defensive in front of you. Mary walks through the door.

Mary: “chill out sis it’s me!”

Kate: “thank God it’s you I hope you can help. Mary this is YN, YN this is My sister Mary. Mary can you fix YN’s zipper on her dress it is stuck even I couldn’t get it.”

Mary places her purse and her coat down and comes behind you. While you trace Kate’s form grasping hold of her tie. Mary goes to take a look at your zipper, she spends longer on the zipper then you do on kates tie.

You had this weird feeling, like she had a secret, like she was trying to tell you something and you werent quite picking up the signal.

Kate had one of her hands on your waist, she had every confidence that she had found her one in you. Course she had heard her cousin mention his fantastic secretary but she didnt think you would be this gorgeous. Mary after a while exclaims.

Mary: “i have an idea… stay right there dont move…”

mary left the room for a moment this left you and kate to further ponder your thougts. kate still had her hand on your waist, this sparked something within you that you had not felt in years.

Kate: “do you have anyone special in your life?”

YN: “ive been single every day for my entire life. cause before i left bruce and i shared secrets with eachother that we soon knew would go with us to our graves. kate, im a lesbian…”

Kate smiles and is about to speak when mary comes back into the room, she goes to the back of your dress and fiddles round for a few moments before standing straight and comes back to her bag and coat.

Mary: “all done i replaced the zipper pull, you will be fine ill fully replace the zipper before that dress is needed again. now both of you should go Luke will be here any moment. and im hitching a ride so hurry up both of you and finish getting reAdy.”

Kate and you finished getting ready, the sound of a car horn sounded. this pulled you and kate out of your own admirations and into a state of lets go present to the public.

you held kates hand this sent several shivers down your spine but in a good way. kate however knew what you felt but she knew she would have to tell you her secret after tonight if everything went her way.

kate: "so i hope that this isnt too forward but how do you think people at this party will react to seeing you at the party let alone back in gotham?"

yN: "dont worry bout it ill just exclaim that im back to stop running from the past. Exclaim that I can't and I shouldn't run forever! Even if I'm still scared."

kate: "what do you have to be scared of?"

yn: "my future, the company I worked for for so long went awol after lucius God rest his soul and now I return to meet the cousin of my former boss and the son of his best friend. Geez I'm overwhelmed!"

Kates hand on your own had you finding the strength to make it through the evening! Your only thoughts were of how how you and Kate looked.

Luke got out of the car and came round to open your door so kate and you as well as mary could exit the car. The press got one look at you beside kate and had a field day.

After pushing through the crowd, making it inside the gallary you realized that the security was tighter than usual.

YN: “when did security get beefed up?”

Kate: “since my father became the leader of a security company, they are called the Crows, they became a thing after Batman disappeared. lets avoid any and all contact with him while here, he wont entirely take kindly to me having a date at this gala.”

YN: “does he know that your...”

Kate: “yes he does but he doesnt entirely approve of it. but you know what screww what he thinks. im just happy to not be suffering this event alone.”

You smiled you knew that there was a small chance that kate had feelings for you as well. there was speeches, music, silent auction and dancing. this was what you and Kate spent some of your time doing. was dancing and placing tickets into the silent auctions.

You and Kate were standing by the bar during the next few speeches, doing a few shots and having several laughs.

Kate: "have you ever kissed a girl?"

YN: "not willingly... Poison ivy got me once but batman swooped in and saved me after I sucker punched him while he was trying to save me. But I guess kissed and put under a spell by a bad girl doesn't count."

Kate: "nope but it was a good try..."

before kate had a chance to finish er sentance her name was being called, this made both you and her turn toward the voice, this also made kate immediately chug the rest of her drink.

Jacob: "kate... didnt expect to see you here tonight."

kate: "thats cause i didnt mention that i was gonna be here. as i found out a few new things today but you dont need to know as long as you do what you do we can never be a proper family. trust me being gay is the best thing to ever happen to me. I swear I'm not gonna give up who I am just to make you proud of me. If you can't accept me for who I am then how are we supposed to be a family. "

Jacob: "Kate you made your choice years ago at the Acadamy you don't need to remind me that we are not and can never be a proper family. You and your lady friend enjoy the gala."

Jacob gives you the snake eye before walking away. You turn to Kate both of you now standing alot closer before. Then it was time for someone from Wayne tech to get up and speak.

You and Kate were the only ones who were able and willing to represent the company on the stage.

Kate: "Wayne tech was started by my aunt Martha and my uncle Thomas Wayne many many years ago. Then my cousin Bruce took over when he was old enough. 6 years ago my cousin disappeared, 3 years ago lucius fox was murdered, today I stand up here with YN who worked close along side lucius and Bruce for many years before Bruce disappeared. Under her leadership and the help of lucius fox's nephew Luke we have plans to reopen Wayne tech."

YN: "citizens of Gotham, what Kate says is true we have plans to reopen Wayne tech, we hope to bring good to our city, continuing on in the steps of my former boss and business partner Bruce, may he ever be remembered as we reopen and continue the business that was the foundation to Gothams Legacy for years before and will continue to be...”

before you could finish your speech the lights in the entire building went out. you and Kate stood close.

Kate: “stay close to me, this is not supposed to happen...”

a few moments later a single spotlight on the other side of the room reveals someone standing there...

Hush: “greetings gothamites, right now some of the crows are all standing on pressure plates that will explode the building if they move. so i want the little rat who is associated with Bruce wayne to come forth and face the punishment for trying to shine that light again.”

Kate and you make your way through the shadows and around the harmless civilians to a hidden panel in the wall. stepping inside this felt very familiar feeling of security.

Kate: “we all have our demons, some of our demons hide in the shadows, for this lunatic out there im one of his demons. YN you know Bruce’s secret now im trusting you with mine.”

YN; “ what are you talking about Kate i have to go out there and stand up to that monster and prove my worth.”

Kate: “and you will have your part to play in this but so will i...”

you watch as she emerges from shadws into some low lighting dressed as a bat...”

YN: “so you took after your cousin in that respect. i am so happy that you have trusted me with this secret. thank you for that.”

Kate: “all i want you to do is go out there and keep him talking distract him long enough for luke who can hear us right now to silently and remotely disarm the pressure plates. now go, ill be along shortly. i have to go a different way.”

you leave the hole in the wall, you walk out there and throw your voice from behind the people.

YN: “who are you and what the hell do you want with me?”

Hush: “why dont you come out and face me so i can see who you are!”

You go further and a spotlight shines on you.

Hush: "well well well, let's get this party started.. Starting with a pop quiz: in Wayne tech the last project that was announced to be in development was what?"

YN: "a new secure wing at arkham asylum."

Hush: "what made the plans for this project go off the rails?"

YN: "the disappearance of Bruce Wayne and the murder of lucius fox."

Hush: "and what project are you guys gonna start on with your start up?"

Yn: "why does it matter to you you dick? You are the one that is basically holding us for hostage... Now either release the innocent people and disarm the pressure plates or the gcpd will be crawling over this place in a matter of moments."

Hush: "now now little girl, you were Bruce Wayne's pet weren't you?"

YN: "I was his assistant and best friend."

Hush: "I knew him once, but he was much different then... I for one am glad he is gone, he was an arrogant ass..."

Kate came into view a few times, helping to set up the room so the people are safe, you keep ‘hush’ busy for a few moments. before you knew it all the innocents were in a safe location.

Hush approached you rapidly and began to get all up in your grill.

Hush: “why are you not afraid of me?”

YN: “cause ive seen things in my lifetime that would scare even a man with no heart such as yourself. so do your worse cause im counting on someone saving me very soon...”

Hush comes up and starts using his fingers to trace your body. that is when Kate decided it was time to make her presence known.

Batwoman: “hey ugly, take your hands off the lady...”

Hush turns to see Batwoman who you know is actually Kate standing behind him...

Hush: “why should i you silly little bat?”

Batwman: “cause in a number of moments the pressure plates will be disarmmed, the crows will be free and you will be going to arkham. now pick on someone your own size...”

Hush turned away from you immediately before turning to batwoman he chucked knives at her while you stood there and watched.. Kate caught your eye and winked, just like bruce used to do if he wanted to pull a reverse batarang catch combo.

Kate threw the batarang and it landed in your catch then with all your strength and force your threw that batarang at the back of hush’s head and he fell straight on his face.

batwoman: “alright commander the pressure plates have been disabled, make sure this animal sees justice. ill take the lady out of the building. have a good night commmander.”

kate comes up to you and grapples both of you out of the building. kate’s father called to make sure both of you were okay. you ended up at wayne tower with kate now she still is in costume.

Kate: “what fascination did my cousin have for bookcases...”

YN: “it is just his thing, back at wayne manor he had a bookcase a piano entrance and several other things, he finally choose the bookcase to make things easy for his quick escapes.”

Kate: "do you want to see the cave?"

YN: "I haven't been down there since before Bruce left... I would love to see it back up and running."

Kate's hand on your own leading you down into the cave made you smile as the stairwell seemed to get brighter like something glowing at the end of the tunnel.

Getting to the end of the tunnel there's a path lined with flame less tea lights.

Yn: "it's beautiful... I love these tea lights!"

Kate: "I have to be honest tonight I had a hard time keeping myself from letting my heart lead my actions. In the few short hours that I've known you, I've fallen in love with you. I had Luke and Mary set this up. As well as the bed in the center."

Kate says as she starts de suiting allowing you to roam around but mid way through de suiting her eyes couldn't leave your form.

Kate: "it took everything I had for will power not to make love to you right then and there and when we were dancing it took all my will power not to kiss you while dancing."

You turned to face Kate both of you facing eachother now.

Yn: "what's stopping you now?"

Mid way through de suiting Kate allowed her instincts to take over. she left her suit half off ran to you cupped your cheeks and kissed you. this was the kiss that felt like it had happened before, but of course it hadnt but it sure as hell felt amazing literally breath taking.

after 10 minutes both of you broke the kiss breathing heavily before kate spoke in heavy raspy breaths.

Kate (breathing heavily): “this might be more sexy if you help me finish getting out of my suit.”

YN (breathing heavily): “turn around and i will...”

Kate turns around, you place small seductive kisses trailing her neck, to her shoulder, down her spine earning small soft moans of approval from Kate. your hands moved to her wait and began to slide the suit from her waist down her legs you still leaving kisses ever couple seconds.

once the suit was off Kate threw it across the table in the corner, and took you closer to the bed as she started to use her hands once more to roam over your body, feeling every inch of it.

Kate: “you are still wearing far too much clothing... turn around time for me to help you get out of what you are wearing...”

YN: “i promise you that this is probably way less than you were wearing.”

Kate: “turn around for me..”

you turned around and smiled, kates hands on the back of your dress using the make shift pully for the zipper that mary had put on to undo the dress. but Kate kissed your neck earning soft moans from you.

Kate: “dont forget we are the future of wayne tech, and united we stand..”

YN: “you are so hot, i got all throat dryed and tongue tied when i first met you. i was shell shocked... but im damn well glad you were the one in the building.”

the fabric slid off your body on its own, all kate had to do was make sure you didnt trip over the dress. tossing that with the suit you are in the caressed embrace of Kate.

Kate: “so beautiful...”

you turn around lifting Kate’s tank top off her body. her hands making quick work to slide off her shorts. both of you now scooting onto the bed, Kate was on top of you quicker than you were fully laying down.

Kate: “now this is how love is supposed to be...”

Kate grinded her way onto you, pulling off 69 and just general pleasuring sensual acts. you both were screaming and moaning in pleasure.

Kate: “you know i dont think ive had this much passion in sex in a long time.”

YN: “i know what you mean and i am perfectly content staying right here for like ever...”

kate had been using a double strap on so it pleasured you both. she hadnt puled out or really stopped moving, you both were just laying in a way that you could have a conversation.

YN: “how did i get so lucky to end up with you?”

Kate: “no idea but it was probably the same thing that brought me to you. i love you...”

You cupped her cheeks making sure your noses were touching and that was how your night of perfect bliss continued with the strap on and the vigerous sexual positions and the oral sex you received from Kate.

After several hours of that you both fell asleep cuddled together in perfect harmony. Morning soon fell, the bat computer started its morning routine, the lights were still romantic.

In those moments things seemed simple, both of you had forgotten the horrific but wonderful time at the gala the night before.

Kate and you stirred at the same time, opening your eyes only to start grinding the strap on again, not alot of moving from where you were nor from under the covers.

You were still going at it moments later when Luke and Mary began to decend into the cave. Neither you nor Kate noticed as you were too pre occupied.

The bat computer spoke suddenly.

Computer: "sir Luke and lady Mary, madame Kate and mistress YN are still rolling in the sheets, they also just woke up shall I put up the protective shield?"

Mary: "yes please so we don't have to see anything.. But there is a question I have who installed those shield and why?"

Computer: "master Wayne did for his rendezvous with miss Kyle! Whenever they would happen. "

Luke: "did my father know? About Bruce and Selena?"

Computer: "oh yes everyone eventually knew cause they got engaged in secret. To show Gotham that Selina had truly changed her spots."

Luke and Mary were shocked they didnt think that someone would happen upon anything like that in the cave... though like they were about to see the shield would reveal as though nothing was on the other side of the wall...

Luke: "did bruce leave anything indicating where he was going or why he left?"

computer: "that information is classified except to those whose code names are on the inscription."

Mary: "is it safe to go down now?"

computer: "yes go on..."

meanwhile you and Kate were still engaged in the sensual arts. passion flowing gracefully from you both. neither of you noticing the shield nor hearing the voices from luke and mary, nor realizing that there was work to be done.

about an hour later you and kate were both finally satisfied. you both threw on the robes sitting near by and smiled happily walking out from behind the shield. only to be confronted with glares from Luke and Mary...

Luke: “glad you both could finally join us... oh by the way, great idea for starting wayne tech again that is a brilliant plan...”

Mary: “where are your formal wear so i can repair that zipper and whatever else needs on it...”

YN: “its on the couch over near the shield. just dont look back there it aint pretty.”

Kate smiled cause she could only imagine what kind of horrors they would see if they looked. 

Kate: “did you find anything on that Hush character from the gala last night?”

Luke: “sadly no but i can say that whoever he is is extremely hard to place. plus there is no mention of anyone named Hush in Bruce’s files anywhere.”

YN: “so he is someone new thats okay cause i am the one that took down Poison ivy, that was one of the only missions i ever did with bruce i had my own suit and everything. Bruce taught me everything he knew. but in those moments ivy had no idea that i was the same girl she had tried to force to kill Batman. then i turned around and clipped her with a batarang to the back of the head and brought her ass to arkham. it was a glorious day. it was also the same day that Bruce told me he was leaving. or well that he was preparing too. he told me for what was coming neither of us should be in the city. so when he left i grabbed what few belongings i had and i left gotham and had been in Star City till yesterday.”

Kate went to mary who handed Kate something which peaked your curiousity, but you werent gonna pry you knew when the time was right Kate would do what her heart commanded. 

~1 and a half years later... success had been accross yours and Kates features as you both were running sucessfully 3 businesses. the reopening of wayne tech had gone smoothly. then there was the real estate firm that Kate had been running before you got to gotham as well as a nightclub. a little excessive but its a welcome reprieve with a fully stocked bar. you and Kate were happily living in your penthouse together. you had left alot of it alone due to both of you missed Bruce and wanted him to be honored.~

Kate: “YN, did you put..”

YN: “top drawer in the middle cabinet, Kate did you...”

Kate: “its in your desk in the center drawer...”

you and Kate were functional working happy couple. this was to be the night of the wayne tech gala. you both had put one on as tghe grand reopening and now its a yearly thing. to showcase everything that is in development for the people of gotham. 

Kate: “can you believe that its already been almost 2 years...”

YN: “can you believe that i never thought i would have ever been working for wayne tech again.”

kate: “can you believe that you are the most beautiful woman at this party.”

YN: “your not so bad yourself.”

Kate smiled as she came up behind you to help you do up your dress. 

Kate: “do you think bruce would be proud of what we have done and are doing?”

YN: “i think whereever he is he is very proud of us... and even better he would be honored that we took this mantle and have upheld it for the good of the Wayne family legacy.”

thats when an intruder alert sounded. it was one of the silent alarms on the wayne manor property. 

YN: “we should go as ourselves not in costume.”

Kate: “ill call Mary and Luke and have them stall for time at the gala. we will be there in plenty of time. but your right as usual.”

YN: “good thing we travel to impress.”

Kate: “we also travel combat ready... i get now why you always have slits in your dresses. lets go.”

Kate and you got onto Kates bike and drove off towards the detection. ah yes wayne manor now declared sacred land and only for family, it was unusual that someone would dare to venture onto the property. 

upon arrival at the gate you and Kate parked and got off the bike leaving your helmets and hiding the valuables in the safe installed on the bike. 

Kate: “keep your eyes open something isnt right.”

YN: “dont worry whatever it is we will make sure to handle this.”

Kate smiles and keeps you close while walking further onto the property. you remembered the last time you had been here before bruce left and disappeared. 

Kate: “see anything yet?”

YN: “not yet... wait there is a light inside...”

you start running towards the house Kate follows in suit, you start going up the steps but stop as Kate comes up behind you and grabs your hand both of you walking up those stairs together.

Kate and you each opened one of the double doors, both of you walking inside the light seemingly brighter. you could hear rustling and creeking of floors. you and Kate wanted to charge in “guns” blazing but you were in civilian form not a good idea. 

you both stop outside the door to the room, you hear a familiar voice. no it cant be... 

Kate: “whoever that is, is going to be tried for trespassing...”

except you knew that voice... you knew who it was...

YN: “dont be rash babe, i recognize the voice.”

you open the door with Kate on your heels.

YN: “talia...”

the figure turns around and remves her hood.

Talia: “its been a long time YN. how have you been?”

YN: “to be fair its been a gong show... what with having just come back to gotham last night after being in star city for the last several years.”

Talia: “i guess it has been a long long time. whose your friend?”

Kate holds her hand towards talia and stands tall beside you.

Kate: “kate kane, im Bruce’s cousin. im as of 1 and a half years ago  YN’s  girlfriend.”

Talia shakes kates hand. 

YN: “what are you doing here talia?”

Talia: “i mean no disrespect but something seemed wrong about Bruce disappearing. something felt wrong and if i can find out why it felt wrong then i can find out where Bruce disappeared to.”

YN: “keep us informed, we have an expo to get too.. we are so late...”

Kate: “if you wish there will be a ticket for you at the door Talia. it was very nice to meet you.”

Talia: “as it was to meet you Kate.”

You and Kate leave Talia to what she was doing and head back to the bike. Tears fell from your eyes thinking about Bruce and how proud he would be of both you and Kate.

Kate: "thinking about Bruce?"

YN: "I just wish he were here to see what we have accomplished. But let's get to the expo and reveal the plans for the developments that we have come up with."

Kate hands you your helmet before hse puts hers on as you both get back on the bike and head to the expo. Parking in the parking garage you make the notion that you both got dirt on your outfits.

Kate: "shit Mary is gonna kill us... She might have planned for something like this... Hold on let me..."

before kate could call Mary, mary rang Kate’s cell...

Kate: “Mary thank god its you listen YN and i had a little run in with some dirt both our outfits are no longer presentable do you have any spare outfits.”

Mary yells at luke and then speaks a moment.

mary: “meet me in the washrooms in the lobby... i will have them there shortly..”

you and Kate sneak your way through the corridors and head into the lobby washrooms. anxiously awaiting Mary’s arrival with your replacement outfits, you made sure that you kept a level head. 

Kate: “you look a little tense love...”

YN: “i wanted this night to go smoooth and now we have to do a costume change only a few short moments before we have to be on stage for the toasts. this is not how this night was supposed to go...”

Kate: “not to worry, there is still plenty of time for things to go right.”

Mary walks in a while later, you look at Kate with anticipation for the way that you were hoping this night would go was not what it seemed. 

Mary: okay whose first for their outfit change... 

Kate: just give me the outfits Mary, you and Luke need to make sure no one comes in here for a few moments while we get changed... once we are changed ill knock on the door and you and come and collect the outfits. 

Mary: that sounds do-able. just both of you hurry up people are asking for you, important people. 

you and Kate were not sure who could be out there but you both were certain that this night was gonna be a rocking good time. 

getting into your clean outfits you both realize that you both are wearing your costume colors. Kate knocks on the door once you both are presentable, mary walks in.

Mary: you both look spectacular!

Kate: ya in our costume colors what is going on?

Mary: luke developed a microchip to change anything into your costumes its like a portable solution. but these are just incase of any ruckass. which we are hoping there wont be but just in case here they are. 

Kate: what if we just want to be normal for one night?

Mary reaches into the neckline of Kates shirt and your bra line on your dress and pulls out the microchips. 

Mary: if you both change your minds i have the chips now go  you both are due for your speech in a few moments. 

you and kate go out of the washroom, arriving in the ballroom to be greeted by dignitaries and just in time to be called up on stage. politely excusing yourselves you both walk up on stage. 

Kate: whats up gotham city. thank you all so much for coming out tonight. this year so far is really big and productive for the company. i cant believe its been almost 2 years since me and YN brought wayne tech back to life. if bruce wayne were here today, to see what we have done he would be very proud of everything we are doing to keep this legacy alive. the silent auction will run all night the winner will be contacted by telephone and by email. the prizes will be availble for drop off or pick up at wayne tech. now i am gonna turn the mic over to my business partner and girlfriend YN.

YN: thanks kate, so as you all have seen around the room are some of the plans to refurbish some of the wings at arkham as well as build a secure wing for those more deadly super criminals. our goal is to create a more secure enviroment as well as give the orderlies more space for any other crazies that may pop up or have to go to arkham thanks to the donations of you Gotham we almost have the funds to start the arkham asylum expansion project. 

Kate: before we sign off for the evening i have something i would like to do. bare with me i have not put alot of thought into this but here it goes. 

Kate turns to you taking your hand in her own.

Kate: Yn you and i have taken Wayne tech and brought it back from the dust and shadows like a phoenix in rebirth but tonight as we boht stand before all of gotham i have a question for you, this night at this gala i want to know. Will you YN marry me?

she then got down on one knee and held a ring box to you open to a rose gold entwined celtic knot band with a emerald cut stone in the center. your face went pretty fast from shock to a face of happy complete utter joy. 

YN: yes!

was all you managed to squeak out.  kate placed the ring on your finger and kissed you before holding both your hands up for the press to see the gripped shot of the engagement ring. 

you were not sure what else would come out of your mouth. thats when luke stepped onto the stage with mary. both of them bringing you and kate some champagne. 

mary: waiters are coming around with champagne will you all please join me in raising a toast to YN and Kate  the best people for the right jobs at the right moments. we are honored to be in your debt. to YN and Kate. 

the toast made, the congratulations flowed in, the press all over your engagement. even the crows offered congratulations. 

~what happens now is a different story for a different time~

[taketheringtolohac]

simon for the ask game!

jshkajhja god victor i love him so much thank u for sending me this ok here we go (sidenote i know theres ppl who follow me who havent finished dd so if you dont want to get spoiled dont read this!! i talk about a LOT of spoilers!)

send me a character ask and i’ll answer!

favorite thing about them ok so heres the thing. i know that there is a lot to be said about him and just the way that he does like genuienly care for people even if he has a funny way of showing it but honestly? honestly? i LOVE a funny king. like his own brand of humor is just so good and when he laughs (at his own jokes, like a real Uncle Figure) he laughs with his WHOLE BODY which. yes king go get em. also hes sexy <3 not in a rat kinda way but he LOOKS like he should be just, outwardly, but simon blackquill himself is just a HOT MAN. yes im a lesbian and what about it.

least favorite thing about them this isnt about him but you know when aa fandom makes him a weeb? bad. stop calling urself/other ppl weebs in 2021 especially if u arent using the term critically/as a way to talk about ppl who fetishize Japanese culture tho most ppl who call themselves weebs dont realize theyre doing this anyways which. ok this isnt the post for this im just (rightfully) Mad

favorite line its not exactly a LINE, per say, bc i dont remember a lot of them, but remember when he shakes athena in SOJ and its like that kermit strangling meme? top 10 ace attorney moments EASILY

brOTP LITERALLY ATHENA AND SIMON BROTP LIVES IN MY BRAIN AT ALL TIMES LIKE theres so much healing that they both have to do from the 7/8 years since the incident and focusing on literally just that one incident and how to fix it (or in his case how to just like. live with it in a lot of ways) and they do some of it together but some of it they very much do NOT do together and i think like the setting boundaries that they do is just. its good. also i love the idea that he lived with her for a while after he was released like. just from a general perspective i love them sort of being a patchwork family but also just imagine being 18 and living on your own then suddenly you invite your 33 year old uncle to live with you who’s been in prison for the past 8 years. he doesnt rlly know how the world works from a cultural perspective and you dont know what its like from a “how do i use a can opener” perspective. together you’re a functioning adult.

OTP honestly i see him as very gay man in his 30s bachelor just living his post prison life and figuring stuff out but i’d be lying to myself if i said i didn’t read nahyuta/simon fics that shit is cute as FUCK and also ppl do a really good job of writing them like??? its about the understanding whats its like to go through an incredibly fucked up situation and not feeling the need to EXPLAIN yourself but to just understand that its beyond your control sometimes and gently helping them through without being making it about you because YOU wouldnt want that and. yeah.

nOTP if you ship simon with the phantom i’m knives out IMMEDIATELY i understand the want for angst but it makes me uncomfy and man has already been through enough please. also You Know What Else. i will not say it but it should be self explanatory.

random headcanon him and aura were REALLY close pre UR-1 incident. like i think they had a lot of issues but i think its just because they probably had to raise themselves in a lot of ways and pretty much really only looked out for each other for awhile. i like to think that he visited the space center a lot bc he was visiting her and thats how he got to meet metis and he was like huh maybe i could use this physcological stuff in court hmm and like thats how he became her student but i ALSO think that aura is just. SO mad at him for what he did about UR-1 and how he handled it because now SHE has to be alone and its not fair to him and she knows its not but she can’t help herself. Not just that but Simon hates seeing her lose it a little every time she visits him (which is often, he doesn’t get many visitors and even if he did he’d ALWAYS take her visits bc he misses her even if they don’t see eye to eye they’re all they’ve GOT) and just. seeing her become more cold and somehow thinking maybe its his fault and her not knowing if she does think its his in some ways but them still loving each other even if they have funny ways of showing it just UGH!!!

unpopular opinion he doesnt talk all posh why do ppl do that he’s literally a funny garbage man who like kinda hates himself a bit. also yes he’s emo but i think he would absolutely ROCK a printed neon button up with like. really loud socks specifically stupid steel samurai/anime socks. ik i said dont call him a weeb but theres a difference between liking anime/samurai/japanese culture and being weird about it. also he’s Japanese die mad about it

song i associate with them god i dont know i dont really listen to music but i GUESS i will say Mike Townsend (Knows What He’s Gotta Do) by the Garages because they’re very similar “i’m gonna do what I think is right to protect/save this other person and these people I care about even if the consequences are extremely detrimental to me”

favorite picture of them i will not say the simon shaking sprite again but you know that funky one with the bird? the one where he’s got taka just. perched on his arm. perfect photo i use it for everything <3

[staliasjeronica]

Riverdale 3.01 Thoughts *spoilers*

- the kids... are JUNIORS? Uh okay.

- VERONICA. MY LOVE. MY BABY. IN A POP’S OUTFIT!!!

- still iffy about Betty being in law... like where’d it come from? Her likeness of it? It’s probably just because of Archie’s trial and the fact that she constantly breaks the law, but still... it seemed to come out of nowhere

- In the narration he talked about Archie, Betty, and Veronica being the “best friends you’ll ever have” and I’m just stating that that means that Jeronica are officially best friends! Y E S BITCH!

- did this bitch seriously just call Nick St. Claire... INNOCENT? And brought up the fact that he pulled a gun on Sweet Pea? I’ve always wanted that confrontation but NOT LIKE THIS.

- MARY ANDREWS! A fucking legend! Her speech was incredible, too. Like, if I was a Riverdale resident and didn’t know Archie, I would definitely believe that he was innocent. But of course something stupid like Archie being a dumbass (love you though, Arch) is going to fuck everything up 🙄🙄🙄

- JOSIE AND KEVIN STANDING SIDE BY SIDE IS ALL I NEEDED!!! I can’t wait to see more of them as step siblings and shit. Maybe she can convince Kevin not to get with Moose lmao I hate him so fucking much

- HIRAM YOU DO NOT GET TO FUCKING TALK TO ARCHIE YOU LITTLE BITCH

- I’VE SEEN SPOILERS SO I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE FRED PUNCH A BITCH

- As amazing as that was though... THAT WOULDN’T HELP ARCHIE’S CASE IT WOULD MAKE IT WORSE!!!

- lmao Hiram gets angry and pushes the guy who kept him from getting back at Fred as if he didn’t start it what a bitch

- dilton and Ben... are really gonna die aren’t they. This is a Midge situation— bring them back to kill them wow... also why does Dilton look like he could be Sweet Pea’s younger brother...

- so both Veronica and Jughead got chocolate shakes. I’m not saying they’re soulmates... but they’re soulmates and I don’t care what Camila says about Jeronica... they’re meant to be together oops

- CHERYL MY BISEXUAL/LESBIAN QUEEN!!!! MAKING HER FUCKING ENTRANCE!

- but it’s so sad that she made the effort to invite all of them to her party but they couldn’t make an exception to couples weekend... like I know it helped Cheryl get with Toni but that’s just... sad.

- ALSO CHERY’S JACKET IM WHEEZING CALL AN AMBULANCE

- of course Choni had three months of development but we won’t see it 🙃🙃🙃

- can’t really hear what Alice and Polly are really saying... but I definitely heard Alice say “ritual” and you never hear that word unless you’re in a cult wake the fuck up alice you can’t be more fucked up than Betty and Polly you need to help save them

- Dr. Glass... therapist? Mmhm but wouldn’t they tell her that she’s too reliant and co-dependent on Jughead and hopefully break them up? I call bullshit on this therapist

- BARCHIE + FRED WORKING ON A CAR TOGEHER WOW WE LOVE A FUTURE ENDGAME BEING HOT ASS MECHANICS TOGETHER WITH HER FUTURE FAMILY

- “we did it dad” the way he said this... might have made me choke... it was so happy and excited, like a kid. I’m NOT CRYING OKAY

- “just in time” *Fred immediately avoids eye contact with Archie before stating he’s going back into the house* BITCH HE’S GOING IN THERE TO CRY HUH LIKE HE’S THINKING ABOUT HIS SON GOING TO JAIL THIS IS HORRIBLE.

- “the jury is still deliberating, you don’t need to put your house in order” Betty... it’s called JUST IN CASE. Plus it would ease his mind so... shut up lmao

- THE TEARS IN RONNIE’S EYES AS SHE’S CONFRONTING HER FATHER BBY NOOOO

- ALSO SHE HAS TO LIVE UNDER THE SAME ROOF AS HIM IM SO SORRY SWEETIE GO LIVE WITH JUG OR MOVE IN WITH FRED! She doesn’t deserve this you bitch ass Hiram

- also I’m sad that Hiram doesn’t have a bruise from Fred punching him

- I’ll say it until I die but I’m just gonna say it now: HIRAM IS A BITCH ASS HOE! He literally destroyed Archie’s life and devastated his daughter... all for a fucking P R I S O N

- SWEET PEA AND FANGS HAVE OFFICIALLY BLESSED MY SCREENS YAY. Also Fangs your bisexual ass is showing with that extremely open shirt... and Sweet Pea... you fucking too lmao I love Swangs (no hate but I’m also kinda here for Swosie even though it’s just a fling)

- it’s... so annoying... that Hiram is with the Ghoulies, yet makes out the Serpents to be the worst. Like Hiram your bought gang members are cannibals (apparently), and are the ACTUAL gang that sells and distributes Jingle Jangle soooo wtf

- Jug... you can’t send Fangs without backup. I REPEAT YOU CANNOT SEND FANGS WITHOUT SOME BACKUP! He got shot once and I swear if he’s hurt again I’m going to end you. I only care about certain people: Sweet Pea, Fangs, Cheryl, Toni, Veronica, and Archie... so if you get one of them hurt you’re dead to me

- we all been knew that Archie’s tattoo was fake but LOOK AT FP IN GLASSES I’M

- I love Betty with these outfits. They’re really nice tbh

- Alice... you can’t burn SOMEONE ELSE’S JOURNAL! Also yeah it’s filled with negative shit but that’s why it’s written in journals... to vent and get it over with.

- also if you have to reference someone (Edgar) every sentence you know you’re probably too reliant on them

- although what Alice says about sitting still and shit is kinda true I guess. Betty doesn’t need to be constantly figuring shit out but I’ll just pretend I never agreed with the woman in a fucking cult

- is Polly gonna tell her about her Betty’s “darkness” because PLEASE(or the webcamming). When Alice gets better she can call Betty out on her shit.

- Cheryl’s a queen, I love her place, but Moose is here so uhhhh ew.

- SWOSIE BITCHES!!!! I saw gifs of it and I love it

- “not even a tall, cool drink of sweet water like you...” as she STROKES HIS FUCKING CHEST I’M

- but he was so happy and cute “I can’t wait to see you in the hallways”

- BITCH SWEET PEA IS A ROMANTIC WHAT

- the way he leans back into the kiss is everything, and the way he watches her leave I’m star struck goodbye

- you give me Swosie just to immediately go to Mevin? You couldn’t have gone to another couple at least? Don’t ruin the moment ugh

- Kevin... is proposing... a sex pact? Wtf? But Moose looks so uncomfortable, which I find actually pretty sad. Kevin wants someone who’s out, who isn’t afraid to be with him in public and that person isn’t Moose. He was really happy with Joaquin and now that he knows why Joaquin was slightly distant there’ll be no secrets between them so... bring Joaquin back so Joavin can rise again you cowards! Moose needs to find himself, but he shouldn’t bring Kevin with him. He needs to go through this by himself.

- mmhm Reggie not giving a damn about Archie’s (fake) Serpent tattoo... I want to see Reggie apologize to the Serpents (and also find out that Sweet Pea is his brother oops)

- oh Bc Archie asks Reggie’s cool with the Serpents. I DEFINITELY need an apology right fucking now, Mantle.

- “whatcha thinking bout, babe?” BABE. B A B E. BABE BABE BABE BABE BABE BABE BABE

- I have subtitles on and it says “Tee-Tee” NO ITS T-T (or just TT)

- poor Cheryl 😭😭😭

- but also why the fuck is there a couch outside by the pool lmao

- Veronica is constantly about to cry and I’m... with her. I’m gonna cry too STAWP

- YAS JOSIE!!!!

- dilton... we were all excited to see you again but now you’re just being a creepy weirdo so...

- FANGS MY BBY

- UMMMMMM LEAVE HOTDOG ALONE

- lmao Betty seems so out of place at this little Serpent meeting... she really does not belong there

- “the Serpent Queen is a Warrior queen” the next fucking sentence better be Toni or Sweet Pea shutting her the fuck down. If she was a “Serpent Queen” she would ACTUALLY TRULY care about the Serpents instead of joining so she can stay closer to Jughead and shit

- Sweet Pea slightly shook his head in the background so I’m just gonna... pretend he told Betty to shut the fuck up

- Betty’s gonna fuck everything up and then blame it on someone else isn’t she

- Awww Archie overhearing his parents talking about Archie and the trial. “Even I couldn’t stop Hiram Lodge from getting his claws into our son” STAWP 😭😭😭

- Archie thinks that he deserves this? Bitch BETTY is the one who’s done actual (okay well the worst crimes of the group) crimes but her bitch ass isn’t going to jail! She never gets any repurcussions. If anyone deserves going to jail it’s Betty

- Sheriff Minetta... no one misses you

- Betty has her own Serpent jacket... I mean thanks I hate it but I also hate to admit that she looks actually good in it. Still doesn’t deserve to be a Serpent she’s done nothing for them except bone their “leader”

- lmao Cheryl is strong af pushing Betty back into the car.

- Jughead... do you seriously think they’re going to let you leave with Hot Dog? Lmao maybe you do deserve Betty you two are both idiots

- YASSS CHERYL FUCK MALACHAI UPPPPP

- this weird dream of Archie’s was pretty cool. I was confused for a second but still it was really awesome

- of course the one thing Betty ACTUALLY needs and she lies about it. Also, add forging prescriptions to her list of criminal offenses. Can you just once write Betty to be likable? When she comforted Veronica was great (although still need an apology from her) but that Serpent queen line... omfg no

- although they’re a part of a fucking cult Polly is making some great points.

- YOUNGBLOOD BY 5SOS!!

- So... despite being invited by Cheryl to her party they don’t invite her or anyone else to the fucking water hole place? Wtf

- “last one in gets a sticky maple!” That’s... kind of rude considering what Chuck did to Veronica. Speaking of where is Chuck? Did they start that redemption ark for NOTHING? Also the statement is worse when V is the last to jump in...

- wow look at Varchie being the hottest couple (there. The hottest couple is obviously Choni)

- Jughead you’re not supposed to burn the marshmallows

- JUGHEAD YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL ARCHIE TO MAKE A RUN FOR IT YOU STUPID FUCK

- YES BETTY! GET SOME FUCKING HELP

- If Jughead supports this, they will finally being going in a good direction? For once? Like if you’re going to force this disgusting ship on us at least make them healthy and tolerable

- I hate them but the beanie scene was cute. Probably because Cole actually improvised that

- When Varchie’s scene was still much better, hotter, and aesthetic than Betty and Jughead’s lmao thank you Riverdale

- why do they make Varchie cuter when they’re going to end them? This is bullshit

- hey maybe if they make Betty and Jughead cuter (cause let’s be honest they’ve had like two cute scenes that I’ll admit to lol) they’ll end their relationship too

- VEGAS

- what the fuck dilton lol

- “we can talk about this when I get back” wow that’s a surefire way to make sure that Dilton dies

- like I said Archie does something stupid and ruins EVERYTHING.

- Archie... if you’re FIGHTING FOR YOUR LIFE no one FUCKING cares that they’d have to go through this shit again. I love you but you’re stupid as fuck

- Veronica 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

- ARCHIE’S LAST WORDS WILL BE “I love you, Veronica” IM SOBBING

- Veronica’s look to Hiram is lethal and I’m here for it.

- Honestly... if they somehow manage to make this about Betty I’ll scream because we all know Betty has to be interwoven into every plot

- DADS OF RIVERDALE FUCK YEAH

- ALL OF THEM WORKING TOGETHER? YES BITCH

- AND VERONICA STILL HAS TO GO HOME WITH HIRAM?

- honestly though why didn’t they make her testify awhile ago? They said it was too late but her statement would help? She LIVES with the man, she could easily tell them about how much of a master manipulator he is like... what the fuck

- literally Veronica just wear a wire around Hiram so you can implicate him. He legit just told you that he did all of this to get back at you for choosing him over blood (also wow so healthy)

- “you don’t have a daughter anymore” we love and stan Veronica

- so... Jug shouldn’t have gone alone but uhh Dilton is fucking dead

- um what the fuck is with the babies... and also why is Betty convulsing? Probably gonna be blamed on the supernatural instead of her Adderral. (Also I just reached the limit of this holy fuck lmao)

[galimatios]

sci fi ya au musings from twitter thread mostly nts

maybe i do want to write YA science fiction ya with gay and all my favorite self indulgent tropes and also plugsuits

I HATE MYSELF I IMMEDIATELY HAVE SCENES IN MY HEAD . ITS BEEN TWO GODDAMN SECONDS. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO THESE CHARACTERS ARE YET tjinking about those rooms in that one ep of black mirror where youcan program jt tk show whatever you want on the walls. maybe projection of virtual reality vs reality as a major motif. simulations and distance... long distance relationships during a war in space action too... have to think about an enemy but maybe we rag on capitalism a littlle maybe some conglomerate is fighting a proxy war using aliens vs the govt the protags are in the military for theme.. war sucks bye but also theres dynamics i want

UM I CAN PUT BIG MECHA INNNNNNNN YEAHHHH anyway i want 2 loyal dog dynamics to juxtapose w eachother + platonic soulmate type protag duo, best friends , one girl one boy, theyre both equally important, some SHIT happens and theyre forced on different sides at some point one loyal dog is treated well, like an equal, will follow x to the end of the world the other is Not treated well. i want to explicitly make that relationship abusive so i can point at it in the text itself and have other loyal dog be like , that's not love. abandoned loyal dog gets adopted by main duo, ends up in a relationship w one of them (whichever one makes it gay), im ship girl with side character who inspires tf out of her, sort of like. theyre competitive and the side character is light years more skilled but girl wants the challenge, wants the chase, is fueled by the prospect of catching up so "wait for me" LAYS DOWN NONE OF THESE CHARACTERS HAVE NAMES OR DESIGNS OR ANYTHING BUT IM ALREADY ATTACHED TO THESE CONNECTIONS mc pair: one techy soft boy nerd who just wants to protect his family so thats why he agreed to help develop/operate tech bc he thinks this is how he can help headstrong pilot ace girl who has no one but wants to prove herself and make a name for herself so she'll be remembered she wants to win glory for herself and comes off as super confident but actually she's just. asuka evangelion except she doesnt crash and burn so bad bc she has the boy who sees thru it, you dont have to try so hard probably happens after a fight where she's reckless hes not one to get mad but this time he's pissed bc she was exceptionally close to dying, yells at her, why do you keep trying so hard to die kinda snaps her back to reality he wants her to rely on him more bc that's what hes here for anyway loyal dog defects from enemy + meets this pair after other loyal dog suggests he joins the crew, tech boy is kind to Everyone but loyal dog FORMERLY AN ASSASSIN ???????? TYPE?? SNIPER?? develops baby crush girl sips her drink :3c

I HAVE TO THINK MORE ABOUT THEM BC OH NO THEYRE CUTE but girl is chasing after some nb femme prodigy who she's rivals with and admires for more than just her skill theyre both emotionally constipated idiots tho so its like. (hand touch) thats enough for 100 years there is. so much tension. and prodigy seems so perfect on the outside but is actually in some kind of super strict fucked up program bc of her skill, and she hated it and is suffering ace pilot is the one to barge in headstrong and fuck everything up and get her out of there girl believes prodigy is amazing. really. incredible. a part of her feels like she'll never catch up . but even so watching prodigy walk into the unknown unflinchingly resolute ... it's both sad in a way bc she's being left behind but also she wouldnt have it any other way bc she thinks forward is the only way prodigy should be facing. its what inspires her. that strength ... h they definitely settle down together in the future tho bc i need ththattt

"when this is all over" said the prodigy, "come find me" this is so self indulgent anyway plotwise once both the govt and the enemy r revealed to be equally bad the main cast defect to a revolutionary group. they will Not win within the span of the novel but theyll have a small victory, very les mis one day more flavored, and even if they did not win they stood for something they believed in, did something to try and tell the truth... also i need more of a cast so i can kill characters off nice now all i have to do is fill all this in with world building and action and stuff and ill have a novel so many sci fi things have done the 2 pilot mind sync emotional thing right so if i do the same thing no one knows if i took it from one franchise or another i need to twist it around a little but i may have ideas haha i can. totally make this a part of my fucking huge sci-fi au really wanna call main girl lane and main boy khemrin . .. i cant unsee the girl as rey flavored so shes ending up w red hair and irish, but boy is SEAsian with a huge family, loyal dog who defects is african, prodigy is asian, other loyal dog feels south american prodigy... astrid is her real name but she may have a codename fsr? idk why i feel it. icarus? assassin defector... something that starts with an o or a d other loyal dog... i need to think but i also need to figure out the personalities of their respective pairs inserts minh as evil one. done. maybe mephis adjacent character for the... no mephis doesnt care abt anyone BUT hed be a great side character OH god what if au jonah and ambrose oh boy. FUCK jonahs probably there for some special task bc hes. attuned to some shit idk

I GUESS IM GONNA DEVELOP AMBROSE MORE ive only written him as a young adult but as a teen hes angry and rebellious and got drafted, ended up being a simple foot soldier but he meets jonah and a lot changes jonah's there on top secret bullshit, same program as astrid definitely has some shit to do With Experiments. astrid has enhanced eyesight/coordination on top of being an ace combat pilot, i think jonah might be able to open up warp gates or limited pocket space mephis is evil scientist who doesnt care abt casualties

I'm thinking about unnamed pilot lesbians and i am. enamored immediately holy shit god they're both so goal oriented and focused but once the fighting is finally over they finally allow themselves to embrace the intensity of their emotions for eachother and i am fucking perishing they were essentially raised as child soldiers so it's this clumsy process of trying to figure things out for the first time, this kind of innocent but intense and blooming love between two hardened soldiers, the years of war coming away when they're together for the first time actually fuck i did name them but i'm still not sure about ace pilot girl? i want to name her lane or something monosyllable, maybe i'll revamp raine and make her this oc instead... either way i'm just. ugh. UGH. FUCK. holy shit they love eachother so much

I"M GETTING REALLY FUCKED UP ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF THE PRODIGY (ASTRID) DYING IN THE LINE OF DUTY or well at least goes missing, presumed dead but raine just... doesn't believe it. astrid can't die. she's too amazing. there's no way fucking. huge disbelief. she refuses? raine going on a near suicidal self-appointed mission against commander's orders to rescue her, khemrin tries to hold her back but he can't, she' fucking gone speeding off on one of the fastest scouting ships she can hijack raine finding her alive but barely conscious in a damaged cockpit floating in space for who knows how long, raine unable to open the hatch and get to her but anchors her ship to hers, NOT EFFECTIVE BUT HER ONLY REAL CHOICE w/o compromising the air seal. makes the journey back astrid barely makes it to the space equivalent of a truck stop (unaffiliated) and raine calls for backup in panic and tries her best to tend to astrid's wounds an feed her and she's fucking PANICKING but trying so hard to keep it together astrid wakes up and raine's crying i don't have anything specific its just really soft and raine never Does this god when they meet again after the war, raine running her fingers over the scar left from astrid's helmet shattering h raine in a tux and astrid dressed like a princess and raine kissing her shoe sorry im gay bye

[rootivy-archive]

here is my story I couldn’t post a link because the account I made it on was my school account and y’know

                                          An Octive.

Octive Come quick! What happened?! Said Octive in a concerned tone JUST COME! Octive get’s up and follows her sister. Who is that? She whispered “she has to be playing a prank on me!” I don’t know. Should we leave the house? I DON’T KNOW “YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING MY GOD” Whispered Octive SHUT UP Said her sister We don’t have time to fight! For God’s sake there's some creep sitting on our couch and we have NO CLUE who it is! We just got to get out of here, Ok? Ok

                        Chapter 1 Shadow

Let’s go. They heard footsteps. What’s that sound? Oh crap LET’S GO! They run away Meanwhile on the other side of the house.. Annie! Octive! Were home! They turn to look at the couch. They see a shadow for a split second.. But then it disappeared Annie is that you? OCTIVE! ANNIE! Back to Octive and Annie HURRY UP! Let’s go! That thing probably heard us! They hear a quiet chanting of their names “Octive! Annie!” OH MY CRAP THEY KNOW OUR NAMES GO GO GO! They open the door and run out to the tree they always sat at when they were kids. They saw their Mom Pacing outside holding her phone. Annie. Octive said while poking her, Trying to get her attention What? Annie Said Look it’s mom! She looks scared I think they think we got kidnapped Said Octive in a concerned tone Where? I can’t see I forgot my glasses in the house

She’s next to the front door pacing. Oh we should tell her then said Annie

She is holding her phone too, With that added we should really tell her! What if she calls 911! Said Octive sounding paranoid Wait what if it’s a trick?! What if the figure is trying to trick us into thinking it’s our mom but it’s the figure! Said Annie what’s the chance that it’s the “figure” To be honest I just think our eyes were playing tricks on us. It happens alot to Bethany

Who? Said Annie My best friend?.. You seriously don’t know who she is. No clue She comes to our house every other friday To work on homework Octive said while waving her hands. “Homework” Annie said While holding up air quotes Shut up we do do homework! Said Octive.. Sometimes She murmured Back to the parents What should we do Mary? Should we call 911? No I will text her one more time and if she doesn’t respond then we will call the police. Ok? Ok they're your kids. They will be your kids soon too

They walk inside the house Back to Annie and Octive *Beep beep* who is it Octive? Its mom! Reply reply! To Mom: Hey sorry me and Annie are just hanging out at the South tree sorry if we scared you! SEND There I sended it! Said Octive Okay good! Said Annie Happily *Beep Beep* Who is it now?! Its mom again Said Octive Oh ok From Mom: Send me a voice message NOW! Octive sends a voice message Saying: MOM I’m okay I promise! Go check the South tree If you want to know so bad!

         Chapter 2 Just a normal day

Should we head back? Asked Annie I don’t know should we? Replied Octive Let’s go They walk back to their house. GIRLS! Their Mom comes running

and gives them a hug. Mom! Stop Octive said in a muffled voice I’m hungry did you make food? Said Annie while squeezing out of her mom’s arms Annie runs to the fridge No annie I’m still making food Said Geo

QUICK EXPLANATION

Annie and Octive’s mom Mary was married to their dad but they ended up getting a divorce because they were “drifting apart” A few years later Mary came out as being lesbian now she’s in a serious relationship with a woman named Geo.

I’ll go make it now hun Said Geo while walking to the kitchen Girls you should go and change into your your pajamas you guys got your first day of school tomorrow. And Octive’s first day of highschool! Said Mary UGH I really don’t want to go! Yelled Octive. It’s not that bad Octive. Says you. You’re the smartest person I know you finish an essay in an hour! LIKE HOW Octive said in a jealous tone Oh stop you’re making me blush Octive rolls her eyes I’m gonna go change she says Did you even signup for your classes Octive Annie yells trying to get her attention CRAP MOM WHAT DO I DO! HAHAHA Annie laughed. I signed you up yesterday don’t worry Said Mary Oh ok good She said while walking to her room be right back. Back In the kitchen It’s done! Bye girls! I got to go work. Love you and don’t go to sleep to late! Ok! Bye mom LOVE YOU TOO! Octive yelled from her room Bye said Annie while texting her.. Crush Cian Ooo How ya texting! Murmured Octive after she ran from her room. No one just Adelyn Annie Murmured in response ah okay.. Girls come eat, spaghetti is done Mmm! okay Geo. In a sec said Annie Is this a boy you’re talking to Geo taunted GEO yelled Annie haha! Geo laughed so it is! IT’S NOT A BOY OKAY! She said while running to her room OH, IM SORRY I-I JUST UH I’M SORRY yelled Geo It’s okay Geo don’t worry Annie gets dramatic at times Said Octive While chewing her Spaghetti Oh okay because I’m still new to this “mom” thing I don’t know what to do.. Oh god why am I talking about this to you Said Geo No no it's okay I can listen to you vent all day I don’t care! As long as you’re happy. Aw shucks said Geo happily Well I’m gonna go to sleep you should to you got a big day tomorrow said Geo while yawning You’re right goodnight

                          Chapter 3 First

Goodnight! you hear in the background Haha looks like Annie forgives me yeah haha Octive said while laughing again goodnight. nighty night Octive walks over to her room She tucks herself in and the words “Tomorrow’s a big day” and “AnNie YoU’RE SO SmArT YoU CaN WRite aN eSSAy iN oNLY An HoUr” In her head she falls asleep in a panic

The next day She wakes up and thinks OH MY   GOD  FIRST   DAY   OF HIGHSCHOOL   NO  NO  NO!   HOMEWORK ,   OH MY   GOD   OH MY   GOD AHHHH NO NO NO Annie walks in the room are you okay? You look like you just got hit with a car.. HELLO Said Annie Oh sorry I-i zoned o- Annie interrupted and Taunted Aw someone scared for her first day of highschool?! SHUT UP Octive screamed. Geez I’m gonna go brush my teeth O-ok replied Octive She changes into some tights and a messy polka dotted shirt And brushed her teeth Octive Come eat I made you some Ceraffles! Announced Mary

QUICK EXPLANATION

Ceraffles is waffles with cereal in it (it's their family recipe)

MMmm Ceraffles Octive thinks before yelling OKAY! COMING! Octive runs to the kitchen and says “YOU BETTER NOT HAVE ATE ALL OF THE CERAFFLES! SERIOUSLY said Octive haha laughed Annie Quickly eat the ceraffles you woke up late OH MY CRAP I DID! Aye! No swearing! Yelled Mary Sorry I-i just can’t be late, Sorry! She runs out MOM ANNIE HURRY UP! Bye Gea! I’ll be back soon! Yelled Mary Come on! Octive said while yelling at Her mom

Mary walks out of the house, And gets into the car.. 15 minutes later BYE MOM! Bye hun! Bye Annie Bye Octive! Octive Stumbles and falls her books fall on the floor CRAP! She thinks and closes her eyes UGH! She murmured Cian comes up to her and helps her pick up her books Hello you must be new to this school Haha Annie looks at Octive “WHAT THE SHIT WHY IS SHE TALKING TO CIAN! WHAT DO I DO!... NOW I'M PANICKING WHAT IF HE LIKES HER!” Annie runs off to her locker panicking back to Octive Haha yeah I’m new is it that obvious! She says while half laughing He smiled No not really you just have that freshman look on your face, Nervous, In a hurry and you dropped your books Said Cian smiling he picks up her books Here don’t fall again Oh by the way I never told you my name I’m Cian He brings out his hand and waits for a handshake Octive Shaked his hand I’m Octive Unique name I like it haha Yeah my parents really wanted a “Unique” kid *DING* That’s the bell gotta go! He smiles and checks her out “oh my god” She thinks while walking to her first class “what the heck is this paper was on my hand” She reads it “Cian: 204-559-221” OH MY GOD She reaches into her bag to grab her phone and types into her notes “2o4-599-221 Cians phone #” And she walks to her first class, Art Hello Class! I see we got new students “NEWBIES” a student yells from the back of the class SHH said Mrs.Chara Today we're going to be sketching each other you all have one other person at your desk so you are going to be doing two sketches of them. One of their face and one full body sketch. OK? Everyone understand? The class all mumbles “Yes” Hey Said Octive so.. I’m drawing your face and body.. Said Octive Awkwardly Yeah I guess Said Caden uh.. Well can I get a picture of you so I can work on this at home please? Sure.. Ok. Octive takes out her phone Caden Poses and smiles *snap!* There I got it aw one more It’s blurry he makes a funny face. HAHA Octive Laughs the other one wasn’t actually blurry was it? Said Caden Half laughing No it wasn’t they both laugh hey here's my number call me if you need a new photo He smiles and hands over a paper saying his number Thanks Said Octive they start sketching 1 hour later *DING* Okay class stop your sketches and it's homework so work on it later today kay said everyone in the class she walks over to the cafeteria and sits down

            Chapter 4 Boys

“I have to text Cian I can’t wait” She takes out her phone To Cian: Hello! It’s Octive - “There That wasn’t that bad right.. Right” He texts back From Cian: Oh hey I see you figured out my trick, The handshake number switch haha Haha Yeah that's a cute trick She texted back Annie comes and sits next to Octive hey! Said Annie who are you texting? it's nobody Oh really tell me It’s nobody okay Annie?! Octive yelled Oh okay i'm sorry Annie replied Well I got to go bye.. Annie walks away  “She totally likes Cian I saw that it said Cian, And Cian obviously likes her! He gave her his phone number I had to ask his brother for his number!” She thinks while walking away Back to Octive Why was she so curious to know who i’m texting like geez she said to Bethany Well maybe she knows who you’re texting and she is testing you.. Like maybe she likes Cian Said Bethany in response don’t think she likes Cian I think she likes Kyle said Octive Who? Kyle is our next door neighbor Said Octive Oh *DING DING* Is it your boyfriend! Bethany Taunted He isn’t my boyfriend.. Let me check who it is Said Octive From: Cian It's from Cian OoOOoo From: Cian Aw you think I’m cute haha “Shit what do I text” She thought Before saying This is what you texted me she shows Bethany the text What do I do?! I don’t know something cute and sneaky Said Bethany Kay To Cian: Maybe! :3 She texted That's just embarrassing She said while watching her over her shoulder Wow! Beth you’ve had way more relationships than me and you’re the same age as me! She said angrily Hun If you think 1 boyfriend and 1 girlfriend is alot I swear.. All I know is that “maybe! :3” Isn’t scandalous at all; You could have at least put … instead of an exclamation mark What ever I’m an actual fetus got to go She says while picking up her stuff and walking away Bye! Yelled Bethany Hey Bethany Said Henry Hi?.. I’ve been in your glass since grade the middle of grade 7.. He Said Doesn’t ring a belle Are you serious?! Nevermind I got to go.. He walks away thinking “Knew she wouldn’t like me back” He frowns Back To Octive Got a spare block, I’m going to study She thought While walking over to the library

[thegeminisage]

zelda blogging which is so deeply super spoilery, possible the most spoilery it’s ever been, so if you haven’t THOROUGHLY explored the central-north part of the map DON’T read it

aww some of these gerudo wear glasses! love it

i like the music here too but i kinda wish it had been the same melody from oot ; ;

omg riju is tiny!!! is she still young?!

aww her relationship with buliara is sweet they obviously care about each other a lot

AAAAAH THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT MY SWORD lmao maybe i should have gone to get it after all

oh my god a sand seal that gives you words of wisdom for food

ooh i get a free accessory for giving this lady some flint...hmMmMMmMMmmm

topaz i guess bc i'll probs need lightning protection soon? but no, i'm getting a helm...

haha sapphire to go with link's eyes?

ruby bc the flame armor is the ugliest and i wanna wear something else? LOL

went with sapphire iin the end MAY I NOT REGRET IT...

ooooh i shoulda been saving my gems....Dang

i mean, at least i have the 10k i need for the great fairy, but there's so much cool stuff here and i can't bUY ANY...

ah no i did get some opal and amber earrings :3

swim speed up and the ithers are just extra defense

"apparently the accessory maker and the teacher of the relationship class were both in a tragic love triangle, and now they are both single" nintendo this is an all women society please give me lesbians i BEG of you

ok, i need 1 ruby and 5 topaz to finish buying one of everything here. i'll remember

hahahahaha "you've gotta take your time when selecting gems and voe" wise words, lady

omg i found a bar but im too young to drink. nice, nintendo

lmao you can tell one of the ladies you're over 100 and she doesn't believe you dxkfjhg

ok so the hideout of the yiga clan is apparently to the northwest of here so i get to RIDE A SAND SEAL or surf behind one i guess. tbh im a little worried i'll break all my shields :/

i got a gerudo one that i really like!! goes with my scimitar and golden bow!

aww can i not wear accessories along with normal armor...? that sucks

LOL SEAL PUNS the options when talking to the sand seal lady are full of em im dying

wow i can't get this shrine unless i wind sand seal races which i can't do with the divine beast out LOL

jesus those sandstorms look so huge and terrifying...especially since i know they'll disable my map

i wanna explore but tbh i better just stick to the plot and away from those bad boys

oh JESUS i went to an outpost where they're monitoring the beast and it's. so big. and so loud and big and. so scary. oh my god, it's huge

oh FUCK i got too close and it started targeting me so i ran away and thankfully it stopped...definitely gonna take it easy on the exploration if i can help it

oooh no no no why is the air turning green out here...dnw dnw leave me and my map alone!!

uh, and where is my fucking seal...? i left it right HERE

ugh i had trouble mounting the one from before when i stayed in the monitoring outpost do they like leave if you stay gone a long time...? fml

awww this old gerudo never found the lovers pond ):

ugh i see so much stuff i wanna check out but im too scared to get off the seal for long :/ ESPECIALLY if i get stuck in a storm i'll want a way out

oh wow the air is so hot here even my gerudo outfit is useless

tbh, maybe that's a good thing, if i'm eating food i can wear armor with actual defense...much as i love these clothes they're great for getting your ass kicked

ok no seriously WHY does everyone from the yiga clan drop bananas..............

i know that everyone talks about how cool it is that this game just plops you down in the world and lets you figure it out for yourself without hitting you over the head with the instructions

but i just found a bow and some torches in a circle of lit torches with some obviously flammable banners nearby, so

i found the missing gerudo soldier!

"all i've ever seen them do is patrol and eat[in red text] bananas" LMAO WHATS THE DEAL MY DUDES

theres some bananas here on a table wtf do i do throw them at them?? lmao

OMFG LOL IT WORKED

dude pranced right over to it and pocketed it lmao

nooo i missed a chest...maybe i can get it on the way back out ;_;

LOL I FOUND AN ENTIRE ROOM FULL OF BANANAS

this is so funny dkjfgh fck

urgh i wish i could just...snipe them from here. it'd be so EASY

im actually not even totally sure which direction to go, im all turned around

ok, one stationary guy at the door maybe i have to move him?

NOOO I FUCKING FELL THEY SAW ME

i couldn't even fight they one-shotted me and mipha's grace didn't kick in! that isn't fair at all

at least i can get the chest i missed

lol and i cant save in here. perfect.

ok yeah im gonna have to look it up bc as far as i can tell this room has no exit all the hallways just circle back around into it

apparently i CAN fight them...? they're just really hard?

this walkthru is so unclear lol there's a hidden door i can find with magnesis on the right-hand wall WHICH RIGHT...

WAIT fuck i finally see the exit

ah ok. wrong room for the hidden door.

master kohga!! he just...knocked himself out with his own attack. lmao ok

fuck this is SO FUNNY he is so funny

i love it even his bones cracked

isn't what he used to be, apparently

wow this is a boring fight he has a lot of hp and he's so far away the only way i can attack is arrows

and now arrows aren't working anymore...? obviously i'm doing something wrong

maybe i can reflect the rocks back at him

ok google says to drop his things on his head

HAHAHA HIS SPECIAL ATTACK FAILED

this undertale naruto motherfucker im crying i love him

"pretty soon you'll be gone! and not just from my line of sight!" i'm CRYING

fuck the ball rolled on top of him and made him fall

"COWARD! I SHALL BE REMEMBERED!!!"

what a fucking legend i'll never forget you master kohga i promise

aaaand thunder helm retrieved

but i gotta rescue that missing gerudo!

ah good her cell is empty!

lol im skipping sooo many shrines rn...i'll come back to them later i swear

oh NOOOO i got a memory!!!

urbosa the prankster!!! witht he power of lightning at her disposal!! protective of princess zelda!! i'm dying!!!

also im sad so zelda's sealing power mjst be what she used to seal ganon away but apparently in the past she couldn't make it show up for her whole life...?

aw no poor riju the helmet is too big on her

(give it to meeeee)

ok it's time for the divine beast bit but before i do jack or shit im going to upgrade my armor as much as possible rn

ugh you can't enhance the gerudo clothes...geez

FUCK YES HERE WE GO!

aaah riju is talking!!! i always get so surprised!!!

i did it!! tbh i had a really hard time keeping up with her...a dash was too fast but regular speed was too slow

AAH URBOSA IS TALKING TO ME ;_;

ohhh wow it's really walking around while on it

oh man. it's so big. it's so big

oooh you rotate the insides of this one!!

i get the feeling now i should've done more shrines in this area afterall, they have the same sort of electricity theme and they would've been good practice 

okay that was...easily the hardest beast so far

i had to use a guide TWICE and i could barely understand the instructions, PLUS i got two terminals by sheer dumb luck

oooh boy okay a lightning boss im assuming here we gooooo

LMFAO i suck so much at this urbosa was like "there is valor in dodging"

thanks zelda i missed your captain obvious statements

geeeeez i just barely got it

oh EW that never gets any less gross

ohhh my god

"I COULDN'T BE MORE PROUD OF HER" B Y E

oh my gOD?

she mentioned nabooru from oot BY NAME holy SHIT this continutity between games!!!

and "calamity ganon once took on the form of a gerudo that makes this all the more personal" jesus fUCKING christ

i feel so bad for ganondorf the man like

he didn't ask for this shit anymore than link or zelda

and at least they get to win most of the time he always loses and even when he does win he's hated, his win brings ruin

where's the fic where the only way to end the cycle is to become friends with him huh

or like, frankly: the true enemy isn't ganondorf but the evil that takes hold of him

when does he get to be the hero and fight it and smash it to little bitty bits!

oh lord and the blood moon as soon as i get back

do people like, see these towers popping up and beasts moving around? does it scare the shit out of them or make them hopeful?

anyway i hope now i can explore with less sandstorms

oh boy time to ride into a sandstorm gee i sure hope i dont get lost

LOL and first thing i run right into a camp of enemies just bc i was trying to stay in a straight line!!!! jesus

lovely! i am now hopelessly turned around in a sandstorm. i literally don't even know which way i came from

my sand seal is also STUCK lol

ah i passed through it! i'm right where i need to go!

omg I FOUND THE LAST GREAT FAIRY

i'm. i'm 500 short. oh my god

nothing i can't earn with 10 minutes of cooking, tho

huh...? she only asked for 1k...?

i could've SWORN i read someone asks for 10k at one point!

god what if i've been MISINFORMED all this TIME

ooh this one is orange and green

FUCK "i know what you're thinking...can't we just skip to the part where she enhances my clothes?" FUCKING PLAYED

holy FUCK just found my first molduga...i have to KILL one of these for a quest? jesus christ!

ohhh that actually wasn't too bad at all once i figured out the strategy...i've had more trouble with lynels and hinoxes

i'll be honest, the interactive map take a bit of both fun and "work" out of exploring...i look at empty areas and don't wonder "ooh whats over there" but think "ah i can just glance at that bit"

which should make me feel like my Pure Enjoyment of the game is being compromised, and i guess it does a little, but

i wasn't kidding when i said the need to explore was a bit compulsive so it's mostly a relief

ah from up here i see the sandstorm...i think it rotates around the desert? so, it's very possible to avoid and survive even if you do get stuck

anyway i missed several shrines but the quests for them are so complex and i am so Sick

of the desert. even worse than rain tbh

now the question is what to do next: master sword or rito beast

lowkey wanna wait until i get all four beasts before the sword, but

i know you do all four beasts and then ganon and that's it, so if i got the sword then it wouldn't help me for long

plus i'm a little tired of fighting the temperature and changing gear/eating food all the time, so......i guess i'll go check out the forest

maybe i'll see dinaal! i've only seen him once from veeeery very far away

im getting aaaaawfully close to hyrule castle i Dont Like This

lmao every time i catch sight of the divine beasts in the distance, the fact that i can SEE them from THIS far away, blows my fucking mine

they are SO BIG

im getting a much closer look at that flying thing and i'm almost CERTAIN it's a divine beast

just. jesus christ. so BIG

ohhh my gosh i can see the giant pink tree from here *_*

or maybe it's brown, maybe the deku tree is dead lmao

lol straight up skipped the bottomless bog and the enemies at the bottom bc i glided in from death mountain

whoa this tower has rock all over the top??

ah maybe it's so i can't glide to the big tree in the middle lol

not the lost woods if i don't get lost!

lol jk i got on top of it and there was a super cool sword here

aww rauru hillside...im sad

BRO im in the lost woods but its just playing the maze shrine music, i was so hopeful for saria's song

zora's domain having the same music set me up with false expectations t b h

omg if i go too high i die!! i can't follow my higher-ground instict here!!!!!

which is pretty cool but if all i have to do is wander around these woods with my map ON to find the master sword i am gonna be disappointed

even gerudo desert turned it off sometimes

ohhh okay if i wander off the path i also die i can't just go wherever i gotta follow torches i guess

mkay i googled it bc i got stuck and couldn't see anymore torches and it's wind direction! neat

see i feel a little bad about not figuring that out for myself but like...it's not Fun to die over and over bc you can't solve a puzzle. so #realgamers can shut the hell up lol games are for fun

the ember thing is SUPER clever tho and like i know this game is so like, praised bc it stops holding your hand, but i would have appreciated a TINY obscure hint

i did get as far as carrying a torch but i thought maybe i was burning off the fog or smth

omg i found korok forest!!!

oh

there's my sword

said "oh" out loud

kinda wish the quest had been more, idk

but.

mmm not yet. not yet. i'll talk to some koroks first

haha and the very first one tells me to go get the sword all right all right

man. i always remember now that fi's been in there since the ages of skyward sword, sleeping

tbh i kinda miss her 

even though she's way more annoying than navi could ever DREAM of being

for all we complain about compaions, they're a zelda staple and it feels lonely without them

i know not having one makes for a stronger game, i do, but...

really though. the master sword quest was SHOCKINGLY easy. i know i looked up the ember thing but geez it's the first truly disappointing this about this game

and my brother told me they made you work for it lmao but that was. not even close to Work. i've had more trouble at bokoblin camps

like. fucking weak. tbh. i'm so sad like i can't believe this game let me down

OH MY GOD

I TRIED TO TOUCH IT AND THE MEMORIES OVERWHELMED ME

and like at first i was like "ok if link gets his memories back with the sword i'll give them that, that's pretty sick"

AND THEN THE GREAT DEKU TREE STARTED SPEAKING

AND IT WASN'T LOST WOODS MUSIC BUT IT WAS FOREST HAVEN MUSIC

and i straight up burst into tears

"i have watched over hyrule since time immemorial" i know i know i was there i know i missed him so much one of the very first major zelda characters i ever knew i know technically he hasn't been there since the very beginning but he was my beginning

and i didn't even think i cared about him that much emotionally but i also welled up the first time he spoke old hylian in wind waker

oh god link's not WORTHY of the sword yet yes okay i'm here for this i knew this game wouldn't let me down

idk why i never considered the big pink tree might be the deku tree like i joked about it just a few minutes ago but i didn't seriously consider it so i was so surprised

and all the koroks running around and i know i KNOW they used to be kokiri it's almost like i came home, Really Home, the forest was where link began for me, not hyrule proper, he was always a child of these woods

ohhh my god i gotta mop up my face stream is soon!! jesus fuck

oh god now he wants me to pull it again

what if i'm not worthy? what if i am?

i don't have long left to play but i CANNOT leave it here, jesus christ

okay. i'm gonna try. i gotta try. courage!

oh my god it takes your LIFE?

and he said enough when i was down to my last quarter of a heart!! i'm gonna cry i was so close link tried so hard but he wasn't ready yet

i could eat food to max out my hearts but where's the fun in that........

ok. ok. i need to. step back a moment. fuck.

there's hestu! oh my god buddy you finally made it home!! me too pal me too

im gonna save and quit here before i talk to him tho bc like. i gotta stream. but Wow. god Damn

I KNEW THIS GAME WOULDN'T LET ME DOWN!!!!

LMAO I LIED JK im playing a bit more after stream

i talked to the trial korok and "do all the shrines here, it's based on the trials the legendary hero himself did" im crying!!! thats some History!!!

oh my god the koroks are so CUTE??

oh no this is so precious they've been waiting for him

sdfgsfdg "nooo vegetarians everywhere nooo that's my face" i wish i had thought to taka e a snap of that but i cant get him to say it again

aw omg they set up little stores and they only have one of many items please please i'm so proud of them

they set up a little bed for me!! they don't even want my money to sleep there!! i'm sleeping in a tree again, just like i was in oot ;____;

tbh it's so fitting that i did the scary mysterious thing of trying to pull the sword at night and i'm meeting the koroks in the brightness of day

i saw a shield resting on this rock and i had a tiny heart attack like OMG THE HYLIAN SHIELD?!?

ok. ok. i did the trials. i'm gonna see if i can get the sword now??

lol i have the same amt of hearts im not leaving to find a goddess statue and i was trying to boost my stamina anyway but maybe the food boost will help? unless they dont let me use it, we'll see

aaah no it DOESN'T omg

well, maybe one more heart container will do it...?

ugh i don't wanna go back and do the desert ones

me: already fast-traveling

Great, A Sand Storm, Just What I Wanted

fuck i stopped by town and there's a secret club that sells gerudo clothes for men

LOL why.........do they think dudes will feel weird looking pretty? come on

they said there's a high demand so i choose to believe there are lots of gerudo transmen. anyway back to the forest i got two more heart containers i pray it's enough i was SO CLOSE before

I DID IT FUCK I ALMOST DIED BUT I DID IT

IM GONNA CRY JESUS CHRIST

ZELDA SEALED THE SWORD

she's been fighting 100 years and she has so much faith in link

more importantly she heard the sword speak to her im crying fi is in there fi and zelda/hylia meet again

her smile is like the sun, i would do much to feel its warmth upon me again ME TOO PAL im weeping my poor brave daughter i promise i'll save her i promise i promise

it's almost 7am but that was worth it. that was W O R T H I T

[survivorandalucia]

“Wokest Bitch of the West”- Petra

I'm fucking quitting why did you have to cast these fucking people

OMG I made it and it's started and I'm soooo ready

RHONE ! Bless.

i love men that means im not a lesbian

Ohhh bitch i am here! I was legit just having a mental brake down and now im here. Ohh boy!!! Im so excited to be here and now im seeing Amanda again! But me geting jenna out and willa ohh boy! Im gonna have to talk to willa and hopefully jenna isn't so harsh this time around! Ah im so excited i just hope im not a pre-juror boot because im going to be so emotional this game and hopefully play a villainous card!

toby marlow is sexy as fuck what the mhell

I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS!!!! So far, not much has happened which can be good or bad. I'm a bit nervous to be playing with returnees being on the other tribe because they might be better at immunity challenges than us. I'm a bit nervous about Pine Boy being in this game because I heard that he's really good. So far I like Toph (Azores buddy <3), Sultana, Jacob, and Nick. Nick came to me right away and said he liked me and wanted an alliance with me. I was like sure!!! Who would I be to decline an alliance? An idiot, that's what I would be. I'm wondering how we're going to do idol hunting on this season and I hope we find out soon. I want to redeem myself from my Azores mess. That reminds me, Toph being here can be really bad for both of our games. If anyone know what Azores is, they know that I gave Toph my idol. They know that we were close, which can be really bad for our games. If people look at Azores and assume that we're still close (which we are), we're fucked in the long run. I love writing confessionals, I missed that in Azores. Sure, we had Ponderosa confessionals, but I wanted to talk more game shit in there. Another thing that I'm worried about: If Toph read my in-game confessionals during Azores, he knows that I'm reluctant to play by his side again. Or, if he has a brain, he can infer it from that. Hopefully, this wont all blow up in my face. I can't wait for the shit show to start after the immunity challenge.

I really am gonna have to fight the hosts

Not letting me idol search and putting me on this tribe. There is only ONE girl on my tribe. And rhone and the boys. I hate men fuck you all. Also Jake being on my tribe when he has the personality of a dead foot yikes. I hate this tribe i hate this game. Get me my shit i wanna leave now. 

Except jordan pines and daniel they cool.

Heyo! The name’s Johnny, from Survivor: India, the guy who went through only two tie votes in his seasons, and I guess I’m ready to swing at the sandbags again. I’m glad to be back and hopefully I don’t fall in the pits that I fell in last time. I’m not settling for premerge this time ‘round. So this tribe is definitely a lot bigger & badder than I expected. Lots of personalities, lots of players, and a shit ton of self-professed “bitches”, “villains”, and whatnot. I just want to survive a while in here so I’m ready to slap on the under-the-radar happy tribe mascot sticker. But of course, the twist is revealed. I tried for the advantage but as always, my luck runs dry and I’m beaten to it. Figured Jordan Pines had it and right I was - dude won immunity. Lucky fella. Oh well, better him than ~some~ people, because at least he probably won’t want me gone first. I’ve also had some decent chats with Issy & Daniel, a bit o’ back-and-forth with Chris, and barely anything with Jake, Isaiah, and LA. And Adrian & Rhone, as far as I know, is a no-show so far. I do know Adrian though, so hopefully that gives me some brownie points! Now we’re gonna go on a tribe call and if there’s anything I know about myself, I’m both awkward and quiet on large calls so… hopefully I leave a decent impression.

So the tribe call just ended with the understanding that a second one would start, and guess what didn’t happen? It does feel a smidgen shady so hopefully there isn’t some chat without me already made because THAT would suck. After the call, though, Jake comes to me all desperate asking “We’re good right? I won’t vote you.” Dang, this guy moves quick. He asks me what I want to do and when I say wait it out for a little bit, he says “Good plan, low key wanna help the tribe.” Mate, simmer down, no need to jump on the gameplay horse so quick. I feel like he has some bad connection with someone, but I’m just not quite sure who that’d be. I know nothing about Tumblr connections, sadly. I trust Jordan right now - not too much, of course, I’ve heard how good he is at this stuff - but I’ll give him a little info and hope he reciprocates. I just wanna live until I reach a point where I can go full India mode and explode onto the scene. We’ll have to see if I can suffer through this tribe, first… I’ll just suffer well.

GUESS WHO WON IMMUNITY PEEPS ANYWAYS so since im at least surviving 1 tribal i have time to build relationships with these people, i've been talking to amanda and she's cool, and atm im on call with jacob/toph/peyton and im waiting for someone to add me to an alliance because im so talented

Everything seems pretty tame but since there is a tribal coming up, that scares me. I like Madison, Taylor, Sultana, Toph, Jacob, and Nick as of now. I'm going to watch the videos right now to see where people's heads are at right now. If I can do that, I'll be able to get a better read on everyone. Hopefully, that will help me with figuring out who to vote out. I'll pray for the best while reading Animal Farm.

CONFESSIONAL: This is my first time in tumblr survivor history that I will be present at the premiere of the season. Pretty fucking excited. I'm like a survivor noob when it comes to the premiere. I've always been gone during it so this is my first premiere ever! I am hoping my 2nd and 1st place finishes don't put a early target on my back. I just need to make sure the tribe views me as an asset as opposed to a threat CONFESS: i think my status will help me. it says something about depression i think people will like that and that should be a convo starter

so me being the little bean that i am decided to have everyone join the call and now im an alliance called the "core fore" i mean like its me Payton, madison, and Jacob! okay that was just some basic ass info. here's my thoughts on everyone else! Amanda sledge: the only person i will trust in this game. she played an idol on me in Azores and if that isn't trust i don't know what else is. Payton: he seems ok, i mean he kinda seems Plainer then Rasin Bran but i mean her has a goat farm and litty. Madison: she seems woke and i would like to work with her given her immunity win and letting everything happen with this alliance already taylor: i mean he seems ok. But like he just got on call so ill keep you posted on him. Sultana: a woke ass queen! i really wanna work with her she seems super funny and chill and like a queen of everything she dose like harassing her mom for food! i would love to work with her will she wants too as well! the others: they have said nothing so like ima try and get one of them out now or payton. dfjbndofb Ok so currently i'm in about 2 alliances! Amanda, nick and myself are in one alliance. meanwhile i'm in an alliance with  Jacob, Payton, and Madison together so like i have no idea if this is good or not because i don't wanna be caught so i feel like i need to tell Amanda so she dose not get mad and i can work with her! I really have no clue on what is going to happen. I don't want to trust anyone yet because tomorrow we will see were the lines will be drawn. I am like 50% that someone inactive will be voted off. but not if i have anything to say about that! I want payton out because i feel like he is dry and kinda basic. after all i will try and be the villain of the season oops! i honestly really like Petra though and think shes very chill and interesting. lets hope she feels the same way. i'm hoping i can just stay calm for now and then go and cry about it latter. i honestly am very hungry right now though like i ugh. Ok that is besides the point. But i feel like i need to bring my paranoid level up to like a ten because i can't trust none of these bitches or i'm gonna be scared as hell. my ears are open to everything and i have a google docs open and im ready to kill some people. 

So at the beginning of the game, me and Amanda talked alot and decided to team up. Then Amanda was good friends with Toph. So then we formed a three person alliance. While we were on call, me Amanda, Toph and Suitana formed an alliance. The twist was announced that both tribes will be going to tribal. I really hope I am not first out but I got a solid 4 person alliance called the Wig Snatchers with them.

I feel like I'm the least extra person here and some of them I think don't like that I'm not super extra

ok idk who 2 vot cuz im just a woke ass bitch and like i havent come across anyone that im rly annoyed with xcept payt TBH hes just awkward and like totally denies my humor via not laughing and everyones talking about this person called jenna they had tea drama with or smth so im like O _ O

I love being on tribe calls because late at night is when alliances are made! I'm currently in an alliance with Petra, Nick, and Toph (Seamus too). We don't have the majority yet, but I like Jacob and Madison. I hope they will vote Jenna with us. I heard nothing but bad things about her from Toph and she seemed cool, but I think right now it's our best option to get her out since she has no wifi at the moment.

Hey everyone, first confessional. I have not played in one of these games in a very long time so I feel very rusty. Anyway, this double tribal twist could really mess up my game but I can't worry about that at the moment. My plan is watch my tribemates videos and try to find common ground. I know Poteet is really embarrassed about going out premerge, and I went premerge too so we can talk about that. I need to take it one step at a time.

I have gained the trust of a good amount of the tribe, and they all are just kinda doing what I say, so i feel like i have some power suddenly. Not saying I'm on the path the a villain but we'll see what happens.

i want to die

Joy, oh joy. I wake up this morning (if 11:30 AM is considered morning) with Jake being the only message to me and I think, THAT can't be a good sign. So he reiterates him wanting to work with me, yadda yadda, badda bing, and says that he values we have history. I'm pretty sure our history is just like one or two Skype minis so unless I'm forgetting something, ripperoni. He also tells me he's "heard a few names floating around" but when I asked him who it was, no response. Go figure. Luckily, Chris Stoner messages me and tells me that as of now Jake is the vote (I'm assuming from the mind of Jordan Pines) so at least I have some solace there. I don't think I'll be going at the end of the day, but there's still the very real fear that my head's on the chopping block, and I don't want to be lynched tonight, nosiree.

So while my video confessional is uploading, it seems like I got Taylor's vote to get Jenna out! I'm really excited to not be the first boot, honestly. I'm sad though because she never got to send me pictures of her kittens. Maybe if I keep her she'll show me! Anyways, how's your day? My mom broke our snapchat streak and it's quite disappointing... like I came out of your vagina and you're going to treat me like this?? Oop my video confessional uploaded here it is in all its (not) glory!

So Jake said that Rhone had suggested Issy (due to their beef from another game, pretty sure it was a wiki game I viewed lmao) or Chris to go home. I found this a little bit fishy but then again I've found most of what Jake's been doing to be fishy. However Jake seems to think it'll be Issy going which is convenient. I also hopped on a call with Jordan Pines and we traded a bit of info - I'm not going to give him EVERYTHING persay (I've been told many stories about him so best to tread lightly) but luckily he gave me some. Jake had randomly made an alliance chat with Jordan and Rhone last night without informing either of them and both distrusted it. Jordan wants to keep some sorta secret information sharing pact between the two of us and I'm game, but I need to make sure he trusts me so I still have to actually give him credible tales. I've just gotta stay on his good side for now and be the nice, honest fella on the tribe. That'll keep me afloat until the swap (which seems like it'll be an auxillary situation. How fun). I do like Isaiah and Adrian a bit and I wouldn't mind working with those two, it'd be nice to get something rolling along with em. We'll have to see, though, because I'm not sure how social Adrian's been so far. As of now, our first boot should be Jake. Let's just hope we can stay strong and not lose to those meddlesome newbies.

I'm not going to lie... I'm a bit nervous. A tribal shouldn't be going this smoothly  unless there's something going on in the background. Dear god, let this work out. I will write more after tribal is over, I'm just too nervous right now. 

[samanthasroberts]

Pretty Little Liars Recap: Yes, We’re Back, You Can All Mellow TF Out Now

Well okay, a girl goes on vacation for one week and gets no internet and suddenly people freak tf out about no recap last week. Not that I blame youIm fucking hilarious. But hello, Im back so could you just like, chill for a sec?

Since service was not on my side last week, Ill be sure to touch up on points from last week in this recap. Because Im like, such a good friend. Also, last weeks episode wasnt even that good *cough, cough, like this whole show, cough* OMG who said that?

Tiffany: OMG Britney! Britney: What? You were thinking it! Tiffany: Yeah but you said it!

Last week Hanna decided shes sick of putting up with the other liars’ baby back bullshit. She knows Noel was the one who tortured her and shes here to fuck shit up. She told Caleb she was off the grid and bounced. This episode is going to be directed by Quentin Tarentino.

She told the Liars shes off to NYC, and they think thats weird. Like why would any leave Rosewood? Its so homey here! Only like 3 people have been murdered in a month! Its really on the come up. But Hannas too busy playing with her DIY murder kit to give a fuck. Did you get those murder ideas off Pinterest?

HANNAS BOARD: Murder Ideas ❤

Last week Ezra went off to South America with all the little birdies and the monkeys to try and find Nicole.

Basically, we dont know about this whole engagement thing, especially since Aria lied about that phone call. Aria says Ezra called her when he got to South America and they found hostages, but they arent sure if Nicole is one of them.

Spencer is like wow Ezra must be overwhelmed! And if Hanna was there you can bet this conversation would have happened:

HANNA: I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed? SPENCER: I think you can in Europe.

We found out that MD had another kid besides Charlotte and that the kid was adopted and around the same age as the Liars. They all think its Noel Kahn, but thats like, way too easy. They decide that Aria is going to look for record of the adoption while Spencer goes and spies on Noel.

Emily is going to continue to be the useless college dropout and go interview for the swim coach job at Rosewood High. Against Paige, who unfortunately reappeared in our lives last week. Maybe Paige can lend Emily Neds Declassified Interview Survival Guide.

Hanna does a dramatic reading to a videotape about how shes going to do some shit. Why does Hanna think she is competent enough to pull this shit off? Like know yourself, know your worth.

Spencer supposedly has a search engine that looks up people? Where do I get that? Is there a 3 month free trial like Apple Music, which I had to fucking download to get Frank Oceans album? Frank Ocean is the only gay man to continuously fuck me.

The gardener/detective comes by and says that Snaggle fled to France. Huh, I guess hes on vacation too. Then he hits on Spencer. Wow, he got over that unsolved case fast. She tells him its too soon because her and Caleb just broke up and he leaves her his card *cough, cough, DOUCHE, cough*.

The Coffee Girl is eating cake and Emily comes in like oh look at that! A treat. Tell me, do you like your muffin buttered? Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin? The cake order is for Noel Kahn and Emilys like , and Coffee Girl is like ??

Aria and that sexy motherfucker Jason meet up. Last week we learned that they def had a thing before and were like SO fucking jealous.

Jason thinks AD is still in Rosewood and that he set fire to the basement. God, Jason is better than the cops are. Aria tells Jason what they found in the basement: paperwork basically saying Jessica was a piece of shit and proof of MDs other child. Also, MD is still missing. Freeform could only afford her for 6 episodes. Sad, all love.

Jason thinks that his mom was killed for the secrets MD had and Aria convinces him to go to the courthouse with her and help her get more information. Hes hoping he gets a chance to tap that in the waiting room, so hes like, .

Hanna follows Noel to a dumpster where he throws out a trash bag, because like duh, its a fucking dumpster. Hanna decides to dumpster dive afterwards and digs through his shit, finding a phone thats broken AF but with Saras face on it. Sketch.

Emily and Paige are filling out applications in a classroom right next to each other like its a fucking standardized test. Emily is like should I lie about being arrested? and says shes never done one of these things. What? Youve never tried to be a functioning member of society before?

Also, I wouldnt lie about your criminal record. This isnt like saying youre proficient in Excel. They will background check you. Its a fucking school, not a job at Hollister.

Paige is like, dont worry, the teachers know youre a fucking psycho! and Emilys like glad they dont ask me about committing crimes, phew! Yeah, youre #blessed they dont know that shit. Paige tells Emily that shes a great person, blah blah, incessant lesbian chatter, blah.

Aria and Jason are waiting at the courthouse when Aria flashes back to the time that she and Jason slept together. Ugh we hate Aria. Anyways, it seemed like she and Jason were dating. Jason is going to Ethiopia and asks Aria to come with him. Aria is like ugh what am I gonna do in Ethiopia? Help starving people? I mean, come on, Jason. Whats with all these dudes going to third world countries for charity? I knew like, one person who did that and they were Mormon and like, spreading the word of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

Emily finishes her interview, which she wore a flannel to. We get it, youre a lesbian. God forbid you own anything business casual. Never know when youll need to sub in for a random softball game.

Paige says she misses Emily and Emily is like yeah, I have a girlfriend but like, Im gonna dump her, but like, I have a girlfriend. But Paige knew that because she fucking stalks Emily. NBD.

Emily tells Paige that A is back and Paige is like omg tell your girlfriend! Itll make your relationship great! Is this reverse psychology?

Hanna meets her local roofie dealer and gets her drugs. Hes like youre the first girl Ive sold to. Wow, this is actually a fucking disgusting scene.

PLL WRITERS: I got it! Usually we make fun of blind people, but this time lets make light of date rape! FREEFORM: Genius.

Spencer gets Noels address from her moms campaign manager, no questions asked. Spencer and Emily go alone to Noels cabin in the woods, because, fucking duh. They realize that the cabin is in the same place that Hanna was held captive and reminds them of the bunker they were tortured in. But yeah, lets just continue breaking in alone.

There is a security camera and Spencer busts it so they can break in. Theyre snooping around and just cant seem to find the pesky evidence that he murdered and tortured people. This aint his first rodeo. I doubt hes gonna leave a fucking bloody knife in the entry way.

They find a box with a stamp on it and Spencers like You needed a stamp to get into the Kahns parties!! Wtf? Where were his parties? Vegas?

They find a flash drive, plug it into Noels computer and find the videos of him torturing them in the dollhouse. Hes planting blood on Spencer and Spencer starts crying and its a mess. Anyways, they steal the flashdrive and gtfo.

Meanwhile Aria and Jason get their number called right as the news report from South America comes up. Arias like brb, sorry about being kidnapped and all Nicole, but I got shit to do.

The lady at the desk says there is nothing she can do for Jason and Aria tells the woman his whole sob story. Any other court clerk would be like yeah, we dont care. But not this court clerk, shes a cool court clerk.

The woman is like youre lucky to have a fianc that cares so much!! Jason agrees shes special because saying actually she isnt my fianc is too much work. The woman says she will try and find something for them and will fax it by the end of the day. People still own faxes?

Spencer wants to give the tape of the torture to the police and Aria says they cant without Hanna. Spencers like Like Aria, can you pull your head out of Hannas ass for a second?

Emily finds out that Hanna is not in New York and everyone is so shocked. Like, how could she lie to us?! This never happens!

Coffee Girl comes over and Emilys like Coffee Girl says she has a break at work and wants to go to dinner. Wtf how long are your breaks? Where are you going to eat for your 15 minute break? Taco Bell?

Coffee Girl is like and Emilys like Coffee Girl made her cupcakes and is like eat darling.

EMILY: Im on an all-carb diet, Coffee Girl! God youre so stupid!

Everyone is trying to find Hanna before she does something fucking moronic. Fat chance.

Speaking of morons, Hannah blackmails Noel for Saras phone. Why does Saras phone have a selfie of her as the background? Like wtf, you couldnt like, take a picture of a flower or something? God, Sara annoys me even after her death.

Hanna crushes up the drugs like a hardened pro and puts on her totally great disguise: a baseball hat. Yeah, cause no one is going to tilt their head a little bit and figure out who the fuck that is. You have A wearing custom made masks and youre here with a fucking ball cap? What is this? Amateur hour? A center for ants?

Noel shows up to the bar and Hanna buys him a beer and drugs the fuck outta it. Casual. Hanna sits with Noel and is like

Hanna makes up a story about how she is getting questioned for Saras death and is like look I know it was you, so why dont we be each others alibi? You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Noels like see the funny thing about my back is that its located on my cock.also I actually fucking hate you.

She offers Noel the beer and hes like He manhandles Hanna to get the phone and tells her to be careful or shell end up like Sara.

NOEL: You fell victim to one of the classic blundersthe most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia”but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…

Spencer goes home because her moms car alarm is going offduh this shit is about to be a trap. All the lights go off because they are in a storm and shes like ah, what a perfect time to watch the videos of me being tortured.

She decides to call the police, or at least that detective guy. If she cant get a police report at least she can probs get a quickie out of it. Win-win, am I right?

Then a tree branch breaks through a window, the doors swing open, and Spencer sees someone in the doorway. She grabs a knife and the detective is there. She tells him someone is in the house and he goes off searching. She looks, and big shock, the flashdrive is missing. You had one job.

Jason and Aria are having a candlelit discussion and trying to not make it romantic. Jason would be naked like .4 seconds into a conversation, candlelit or not, with me. Just sayin.

Aria tells Jason that shes worried about her future with Ezra and Jason is like you two are meant to be!!! Is this the episode where all the jealous exes lie? Just wondering.

Aria flashbacks to Jason trying to convince her to go to Ethiopia, and shes like well, heres the thing. She took a cushy job at a publishing companyof course the one that published Ezras work. Jason figured that out and calls her on it and shes like _()_/.

Jason tells her basically if Ezra dumps her for the little hostage girl, hell be waiting for her, dick hard and all. What a guy.

Ezra finally texts and says Nicole wasnt one of the hostages and hes coming home to Rosewood. Aria is crying, so happy that there is still a helpless girl trapped by terrorists out there. Jason comes back and says that the adoption file came through except everything is blacked out.

However, they see that the judges name is on there and of course its Noels dad. Aria now thinks that Noels dad adopted MDs baby. Bold strategy cotton, lets see how it works out for them.

Emily calls Paige to talk and tells her about Noel. She invites Paige over, who practically creams her pants and says yes. But like, shes also oddly watching Coffee Girl. Fuck, shes so weird.

Noel comes home and finds Hannas hat on the ground and hes like WOW SHE MUST BE SO EXPOSED NOW WITHOUT THE HAT. He leans down to grab it and Hanna fucking hits him over the head with a bat. Its like a league of their own in this bitch.

Shes like its over bitch and Im like, fuck if I had a nickel for every time I heard that on this show.

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/16/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back-you-can-all-mellow-tf-out-now/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back-you-can-all-mellow-tf-out-now/

[adambstingus]

Pretty Little Liars Recap: Yes, We’re Back, You Can All Mellow TF Out Now

Well okay, a girl goes on vacation for one week and gets no internet and suddenly people freak tf out about no recap last week. Not that I blame youIm fucking hilarious. But hello, Im back so could you just like, chill for a sec?

Since service was not on my side last week, Ill be sure to touch up on points from last week in this recap. Because Im like, such a good friend. Also, last weeks episode wasnt even that good *cough, cough, like this whole show, cough* OMG who said that?

Tiffany: OMG Britney! Britney: What? You were thinking it! Tiffany: Yeah but you said it!

Last week Hanna decided shes sick of putting up with the other liars’ baby back bullshit. She knows Noel was the one who tortured her and shes here to fuck shit up. She told Caleb she was off the grid and bounced. This episode is going to be directed by Quentin Tarentino.

She told the Liars shes off to NYC, and they think thats weird. Like why would any leave Rosewood? Its so homey here! Only like 3 people have been murdered in a month! Its really on the come up. But Hannas too busy playing with her DIY murder kit to give a fuck. Did you get those murder ideas off Pinterest?

HANNAS BOARD: Murder Ideas <3

Last week Ezra went off to South America with all the little birdies and the monkeys to try and find Nicole.

Basically, we dont know about this whole engagement thing, especially since Aria lied about that phone call. Aria says Ezra called her when he got to South America and they found hostages, but they arent sure if Nicole is one of them.

Spencer is like wow Ezra must be overwhelmed! And if Hanna was there you can bet this conversation would have happened:

HANNA: I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed? SPENCER: I think you can in Europe.

We found out that MD had another kid besides Charlotte and that the kid was adopted and around the same age as the Liars. They all think its Noel Kahn, but thats like, way too easy. They decide that Aria is going to look for record of the adoption while Spencer goes and spies on Noel.

Emily is going to continue to be the useless college dropout and go interview for the swim coach job at Rosewood High. Against Paige, who unfortunately reappeared in our lives last week. Maybe Paige can lend Emily Neds Declassified Interview Survival Guide.

Hanna does a dramatic reading to a videotape about how shes going to do some shit. Why does Hanna think she is competent enough to pull this shit off? Like know yourself, know your worth.

Spencer supposedly has a search engine that looks up people? Where do I get that? Is there a 3 month free trial like Apple Music, which I had to fucking download to get Frank Oceans album? Frank Ocean is the only gay man to continuously fuck me.

The gardener/detective comes by and says that Snaggle fled to France. Huh, I guess hes on vacation too. Then he hits on Spencer. Wow, he got over that unsolved case fast. She tells him its too soon because her and Caleb just broke up and he leaves her his card *cough, cough, DOUCHE, cough*.

The Coffee Girl is eating cake and Emily comes in like oh look at that! A treat. Tell me, do you like your muffin buttered? Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin? The cake order is for Noel Kahn and Emilys like , and Coffee Girl is like ??

Aria and that sexy motherfucker Jason meet up. Last week we learned that they def had a thing before and were like SO fucking jealous.

Jason thinks AD is still in Rosewood and that he set fire to the basement. God, Jason is better than the cops are. Aria tells Jason what they found in the basement: paperwork basically saying Jessica was a piece of shit and proof of MDs other child. Also, MD is still missing. Freeform could only afford her for 6 episodes. Sad, all love.

Jason thinks that his mom was killed for the secrets MD had and Aria convinces him to go to the courthouse with her and help her get more information. Hes hoping he gets a chance to tap that in the waiting room, so hes like, .

Hanna follows Noel to a dumpster where he throws out a trash bag, because like duh, its a fucking dumpster. Hanna decides to dumpster dive afterwards and digs through his shit, finding a phone thats broken AF but with Saras face on it. Sketch.

Emily and Paige are filling out applications in a classroom right next to each other like its a fucking standardized test. Emily is like should I lie about being arrested? and says shes never done one of these things. What? Youve never tried to be a functioning member of society before?

Also, I wouldnt lie about your criminal record. This isnt like saying youre proficient in Excel. They will background check you. Its a fucking school, not a job at Hollister.

Paige is like, dont worry, the teachers know youre a fucking psycho! and Emilys like glad they dont ask me about committing crimes, phew! Yeah, youre #blessed they dont know that shit. Paige tells Emily that shes a great person, blah blah, incessant lesbian chatter, blah.

Aria and Jason are waiting at the courthouse when Aria flashes back to the time that she and Jason slept together. Ugh we hate Aria. Anyways, it seemed like she and Jason were dating. Jason is going to Ethiopia and asks Aria to come with him. Aria is like ugh what am I gonna do in Ethiopia? Help starving people? I mean, come on, Jason. Whats with all these dudes going to third world countries for charity? I knew like, one person who did that and they were Mormon and like, spreading the word of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

Emily finishes her interview, which she wore a flannel to. We get it, youre a lesbian. God forbid you own anything business casual. Never know when youll need to sub in for a random softball game.

Paige says she misses Emily and Emily is like yeah, I have a girlfriend but like, Im gonna dump her, but like, I have a girlfriend. But Paige knew that because she fucking stalks Emily. NBD.

Emily tells Paige that A is back and Paige is like omg tell your girlfriend! Itll make your relationship great! Is this reverse psychology?

Hanna meets her local roofie dealer and gets her drugs. Hes like youre the first girl Ive sold to. Wow, this is actually a fucking disgusting scene.

PLL WRITERS: I got it! Usually we make fun of blind people, but this time lets make light of date rape! FREEFORM: Genius.

Spencer gets Noels address from her moms campaign manager, no questions asked. Spencer and Emily go alone to Noels cabin in the woods, because, fucking duh. They realize that the cabin is in the same place that Hanna was held captive and reminds them of the bunker they were tortured in. But yeah, lets just continue breaking in alone.

There is a security camera and Spencer busts it so they can break in. Theyre snooping around and just cant seem to find the pesky evidence that he murdered and tortured people. This aint his first rodeo. I doubt hes gonna leave a fucking bloody knife in the entry way.

They find a box with a stamp on it and Spencers like You needed a stamp to get into the Kahns parties!! Wtf? Where were his parties? Vegas?

They find a flash drive, plug it into Noels computer and find the videos of him torturing them in the dollhouse. Hes planting blood on Spencer and Spencer starts crying and its a mess. Anyways, they steal the flashdrive and gtfo.

Meanwhile Aria and Jason get their number called right as the news report from South America comes up. Arias like brb, sorry about being kidnapped and all Nicole, but I got shit to do.

The lady at the desk says there is nothing she can do for Jason and Aria tells the woman his whole sob story. Any other court clerk would be like yeah, we dont care. But not this court clerk, shes a cool court clerk.

The woman is like youre lucky to have a fianc that cares so much!! Jason agrees shes special because saying actually she isnt my fianc is too much work. The woman says she will try and find something for them and will fax it by the end of the day. People still own faxes?

Spencer wants to give the tape of the torture to the police and Aria says they cant without Hanna. Spencers like Like Aria, can you pull your head out of Hannas ass for a second?

Emily finds out that Hanna is not in New York and everyone is so shocked. Like, how could she lie to us?! This never happens!

Coffee Girl comes over and Emilys like Coffee Girl says she has a break at work and wants to go to dinner. Wtf how long are your breaks? Where are you going to eat for your 15 minute break? Taco Bell?

Coffee Girl is like and Emilys like Coffee Girl made her cupcakes and is like eat darling.

EMILY: Im on an all-carb diet, Coffee Girl! God youre so stupid!

Everyone is trying to find Hanna before she does something fucking moronic. Fat chance.

Speaking of morons, Hannah blackmails Noel for Saras phone. Why does Saras phone have a selfie of her as the background? Like wtf, you couldnt like, take a picture of a flower or something? God, Sara annoys me even after her death.

Hanna crushes up the drugs like a hardened pro and puts on her totally great disguise: a baseball hat. Yeah, cause no one is going to tilt their head a little bit and figure out who the fuck that is. You have A wearing custom made masks and youre here with a fucking ball cap? What is this? Amateur hour? A center for ants?

Noel shows up to the bar and Hanna buys him a beer and drugs the fuck outta it. Casual. Hanna sits with Noel and is like

Hanna makes up a story about how she is getting questioned for Saras death and is like look I know it was you, so why dont we be each others alibi? You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Noels like see the funny thing about my back is that its located on my cock.also I actually fucking hate you.

She offers Noel the beer and hes like He manhandles Hanna to get the phone and tells her to be careful or shell end up like Sara.

NOEL: You fell victim to one of the classic blundersthe most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia”but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…

Spencer goes home because her moms car alarm is going offduh this shit is about to be a trap. All the lights go off because they are in a storm and shes like ah, what a perfect time to watch the videos of me being tortured.

She decides to call the police, or at least that detective guy. If she cant get a police report at least she can probs get a quickie out of it. Win-win, am I right?

Then a tree branch breaks through a window, the doors swing open, and Spencer sees someone in the doorway. She grabs a knife and the detective is there. She tells him someone is in the house and he goes off searching. She looks, and big shock, the flashdrive is missing. You had one job.

Jason and Aria are having a candlelit discussion and trying to not make it romantic. Jason would be naked like .4 seconds into a conversation, candlelit or not, with me. Just sayin.

Aria tells Jason that shes worried about her future with Ezra and Jason is like you two are meant to be!!! Is this the episode where all the jealous exes lie? Just wondering.

Aria flashbacks to Jason trying to convince her to go to Ethiopia, and shes like well, heres the thing. She took a cushy job at a publishing companyof course the one that published Ezras work. Jason figured that out and calls her on it and shes like _()_/.

Jason tells her basically if Ezra dumps her for the little hostage girl, hell be waiting for her, dick hard and all. What a guy.

Ezra finally texts and says Nicole wasnt one of the hostages and hes coming home to Rosewood. Aria is crying, so happy that there is still a helpless girl trapped by terrorists out there. Jason comes back and says that the adoption file came through except everything is blacked out.

However, they see that the judges name is on there and of course its Noels dad. Aria now thinks that Noels dad adopted MDs baby. Bold strategy cotton, lets see how it works out for them.

Emily calls Paige to talk and tells her about Noel. She invites Paige over, who practically creams her pants and says yes. But like, shes also oddly watching Coffee Girl. Fuck, shes so weird.

Noel comes home and finds Hannas hat on the ground and hes like WOW SHE MUST BE SO EXPOSED NOW WITHOUT THE HAT. He leans down to grab it and Hanna fucking hits him over the head with a bat. Its like a league of their own in this bitch.

Shes like its over bitch and Im like, fuck if I had a nickel for every time I heard that on this show.

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/16/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back-you-can-all-mellow-tf-out-now/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/163039991272

[allofbeercom]

Pretty Little Liars Recap: Yes, We’re Back, You Can All Mellow TF Out Now

Well okay, a girl goes on vacation for one week and gets no internet and suddenly people freak tf out about no recap last week. Not that I blame youIm fucking hilarious. But hello, Im back so could you just like, chill for a sec?

Since service was not on my side last week, Ill be sure to touch up on points from last week in this recap. Because Im like, such a good friend. Also, last weeks episode wasnt even that good *cough, cough, like this whole show, cough* OMG who said that?

Tiffany: OMG Britney! Britney: What? You were thinking it! Tiffany: Yeah but you said it!

Last week Hanna decided shes sick of putting up with the other liars’ baby back bullshit. She knows Noel was the one who tortured her and shes here to fuck shit up. She told Caleb she was off the grid and bounced. This episode is going to be directed by Quentin Tarentino.

She told the Liars shes off to NYC, and they think thats weird. Like why would any leave Rosewood? Its so homey here! Only like 3 people have been murdered in a month! Its really on the come up. But Hannas too busy playing with her DIY murder kit to give a fuck. Did you get those murder ideas off Pinterest?

HANNAS BOARD: Murder Ideas <3

Last week Ezra went off to South America with all the little birdies and the monkeys to try and find Nicole.

Basically, we dont know about this whole engagement thing, especially since Aria lied about that phone call. Aria says Ezra called her when he got to South America and they found hostages, but they arent sure if Nicole is one of them.

Spencer is like wow Ezra must be overwhelmed! And if Hanna was there you can bet this conversation would have happened:

HANNA: I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed? SPENCER: I think you can in Europe.

We found out that MD had another kid besides Charlotte and that the kid was adopted and around the same age as the Liars. They all think its Noel Kahn, but thats like, way too easy. They decide that Aria is going to look for record of the adoption while Spencer goes and spies on Noel.

Emily is going to continue to be the useless college dropout and go interview for the swim coach job at Rosewood High. Against Paige, who unfortunately reappeared in our lives last week. Maybe Paige can lend Emily Neds Declassified Interview Survival Guide.

Hanna does a dramatic reading to a videotape about how shes going to do some shit. Why does Hanna think she is competent enough to pull this shit off? Like know yourself, know your worth.

Spencer supposedly has a search engine that looks up people? Where do I get that? Is there a 3 month free trial like Apple Music, which I had to fucking download to get Frank Oceans album? Frank Ocean is the only gay man to continuously fuck me.

The gardener/detective comes by and says that Snaggle fled to France. Huh, I guess hes on vacation too. Then he hits on Spencer. Wow, he got over that unsolved case fast. She tells him its too soon because her and Caleb just broke up and he leaves her his card *cough, cough, DOUCHE, cough*.

The Coffee Girl is eating cake and Emily comes in like oh look at that! A treat. Tell me, do you like your muffin buttered? Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin? The cake order is for Noel Kahn and Emilys like , and Coffee Girl is like ??

Aria and that sexy motherfucker Jason meet up. Last week we learned that they def had a thing before and were like SO fucking jealous.

Jason thinks AD is still in Rosewood and that he set fire to the basement. God, Jason is better than the cops are. Aria tells Jason what they found in the basement: paperwork basically saying Jessica was a piece of shit and proof of MDs other child. Also, MD is still missing. Freeform could only afford her for 6 episodes. Sad, all love.

Jason thinks that his mom was killed for the secrets MD had and Aria convinces him to go to the courthouse with her and help her get more information. Hes hoping he gets a chance to tap that in the waiting room, so hes like, .

Hanna follows Noel to a dumpster where he throws out a trash bag, because like duh, its a fucking dumpster. Hanna decides to dumpster dive afterwards and digs through his shit, finding a phone thats broken AF but with Saras face on it. Sketch.

Emily and Paige are filling out applications in a classroom right next to each other like its a fucking standardized test. Emily is like should I lie about being arrested? and says shes never done one of these things. What? Youve never tried to be a functioning member of society before?

Also, I wouldnt lie about your criminal record. This isnt like saying youre proficient in Excel. They will background check you. Its a fucking school, not a job at Hollister.

Paige is like, dont worry, the teachers know youre a fucking psycho! and Emilys like glad they dont ask me about committing crimes, phew! Yeah, youre #blessed they dont know that shit. Paige tells Emily that shes a great person, blah blah, incessant lesbian chatter, blah.

Aria and Jason are waiting at the courthouse when Aria flashes back to the time that she and Jason slept together. Ugh we hate Aria. Anyways, it seemed like she and Jason were dating. Jason is going to Ethiopia and asks Aria to come with him. Aria is like ugh what am I gonna do in Ethiopia? Help starving people? I mean, come on, Jason. Whats with all these dudes going to third world countries for charity? I knew like, one person who did that and they were Mormon and like, spreading the word of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

Emily finishes her interview, which she wore a flannel to. We get it, youre a lesbian. God forbid you own anything business casual. Never know when youll need to sub in for a random softball game.

Paige says she misses Emily and Emily is like yeah, I have a girlfriend but like, Im gonna dump her, but like, I have a girlfriend. But Paige knew that because she fucking stalks Emily. NBD.

Emily tells Paige that A is back and Paige is like omg tell your girlfriend! Itll make your relationship great! Is this reverse psychology?

Hanna meets her local roofie dealer and gets her drugs. Hes like youre the first girl Ive sold to. Wow, this is actually a fucking disgusting scene.

PLL WRITERS: I got it! Usually we make fun of blind people, but this time lets make light of date rape! FREEFORM: Genius.

Spencer gets Noels address from her moms campaign manager, no questions asked. Spencer and Emily go alone to Noels cabin in the woods, because, fucking duh. They realize that the cabin is in the same place that Hanna was held captive and reminds them of the bunker they were tortured in. But yeah, lets just continue breaking in alone.

There is a security camera and Spencer busts it so they can break in. Theyre snooping around and just cant seem to find the pesky evidence that he murdered and tortured people. This aint his first rodeo. I doubt hes gonna leave a fucking bloody knife in the entry way.

They find a box with a stamp on it and Spencers like You needed a stamp to get into the Kahns parties!! Wtf? Where were his parties? Vegas?

They find a flash drive, plug it into Noels computer and find the videos of him torturing them in the dollhouse. Hes planting blood on Spencer and Spencer starts crying and its a mess. Anyways, they steal the flashdrive and gtfo.

Meanwhile Aria and Jason get their number called right as the news report from South America comes up. Arias like brb, sorry about being kidnapped and all Nicole, but I got shit to do.

The lady at the desk says there is nothing she can do for Jason and Aria tells the woman his whole sob story. Any other court clerk would be like yeah, we dont care. But not this court clerk, shes a cool court clerk.

The woman is like youre lucky to have a fianc that cares so much!! Jason agrees shes special because saying actually she isnt my fianc is too much work. The woman says she will try and find something for them and will fax it by the end of the day. People still own faxes?

Spencer wants to give the tape of the torture to the police and Aria says they cant without Hanna. Spencers like Like Aria, can you pull your head out of Hannas ass for a second?

Emily finds out that Hanna is not in New York and everyone is so shocked. Like, how could she lie to us?! This never happens!

Coffee Girl comes over and Emilys like Coffee Girl says she has a break at work and wants to go to dinner. Wtf how long are your breaks? Where are you going to eat for your 15 minute break? Taco Bell?

Coffee Girl is like and Emilys like Coffee Girl made her cupcakes and is like eat darling.

EMILY: Im on an all-carb diet, Coffee Girl! God youre so stupid!

Everyone is trying to find Hanna before she does something fucking moronic. Fat chance.

Speaking of morons, Hannah blackmails Noel for Saras phone. Why does Saras phone have a selfie of her as the background? Like wtf, you couldnt like, take a picture of a flower or something? God, Sara annoys me even after her death.

Hanna crushes up the drugs like a hardened pro and puts on her totally great disguise: a baseball hat. Yeah, cause no one is going to tilt their head a little bit and figure out who the fuck that is. You have A wearing custom made masks and youre here with a fucking ball cap? What is this? Amateur hour? A center for ants?

Noel shows up to the bar and Hanna buys him a beer and drugs the fuck outta it. Casual. Hanna sits with Noel and is like

Hanna makes up a story about how she is getting questioned for Saras death and is like look I know it was you, so why dont we be each others alibi? You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Noels like see the funny thing about my back is that its located on my cock.also I actually fucking hate you.

She offers Noel the beer and hes like He manhandles Hanna to get the phone and tells her to be careful or shell end up like Sara.

NOEL: You fell victim to one of the classic blundersthe most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia”but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…

Spencer goes home because her moms car alarm is going offduh this shit is about to be a trap. All the lights go off because they are in a storm and shes like ah, what a perfect time to watch the videos of me being tortured.

She decides to call the police, or at least that detective guy. If she cant get a police report at least she can probs get a quickie out of it. Win-win, am I right?

Then a tree branch breaks through a window, the doors swing open, and Spencer sees someone in the doorway. She grabs a knife and the detective is there. She tells him someone is in the house and he goes off searching. She looks, and big shock, the flashdrive is missing. You had one job.

Jason and Aria are having a candlelit discussion and trying to not make it romantic. Jason would be naked like .4 seconds into a conversation, candlelit or not, with me. Just sayin.

Aria tells Jason that shes worried about her future with Ezra and Jason is like you two are meant to be!!! Is this the episode where all the jealous exes lie? Just wondering.

Aria flashbacks to Jason trying to convince her to go to Ethiopia, and shes like well, heres the thing. She took a cushy job at a publishing companyof course the one that published Ezras work. Jason figured that out and calls her on it and shes like _()_/.

Jason tells her basically if Ezra dumps her for the little hostage girl, hell be waiting for her, dick hard and all. What a guy.

Ezra finally texts and says Nicole wasnt one of the hostages and hes coming home to Rosewood. Aria is crying, so happy that there is still a helpless girl trapped by terrorists out there. Jason comes back and says that the adoption file came through except everything is blacked out.

However, they see that the judges name is on there and of course its Noels dad. Aria now thinks that Noels dad adopted MDs baby. Bold strategy cotton, lets see how it works out for them.

Emily calls Paige to talk and tells her about Noel. She invites Paige over, who practically creams her pants and says yes. But like, shes also oddly watching Coffee Girl. Fuck, shes so weird.

Noel comes home and finds Hannas hat on the ground and hes like WOW SHE MUST BE SO EXPOSED NOW WITHOUT THE HAT. He leans down to grab it and Hanna fucking hits him over the head with a bat. Its like a league of their own in this bitch.

Shes like its over bitch and Im like, fuck if I had a nickel for every time I heard that on this show.

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2), a.prevBody{display: none;}

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/16/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back-you-can-all-mellow-tf-out-now/

[jimdsmith34]

Pretty Little Liars Recap: Yes, We’re Back, You Can All Mellow TF Out Now

Well okay, a girl goes on vacation for one week and gets no internet and suddenly people freak tf out about no recap last week. Not that I blame youIm fucking hilarious. But hello, Im back so could you just like, chill for a sec?

Since service was not on my side last week, Ill be sure to touch up on points from last week in this recap. Because Im like, such a good friend. Also, last weeks episode wasnt even that good *cough, cough, like this whole show, cough* OMG who said that?

Tiffany: OMG Britney! Britney: What? You were thinking it! Tiffany: Yeah but you said it!

Last week Hanna decided shes sick of putting up with the other liars’ baby back bullshit. She knows Noel was the one who tortured her and shes here to fuck shit up. She told Caleb she was off the grid and bounced. This episode is going to be directed by Quentin Tarentino.

She told the Liars shes off to NYC, and they think thats weird. Like why would any leave Rosewood? Its so homey here! Only like 3 people have been murdered in a month! Its really on the come up. But Hannas too busy playing with her DIY murder kit to give a fuck. Did you get those murder ideas off Pinterest?

HANNAS BOARD: Murder Ideas <3

Last week Ezra went off to South America with all the little birdies and the monkeys to try and find Nicole.

Basically, we dont know about this whole engagement thing, especially since Aria lied about that phone call. Aria says Ezra called her when he got to South America and they found hostages, but they arent sure if Nicole is one of them.

Spencer is like wow Ezra must be overwhelmed! And if Hanna was there you can bet this conversation would have happened:

HANNA: I know you can be underwhelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed? SPENCER: I think you can in Europe.

We found out that MD had another kid besides Charlotte and that the kid was adopted and around the same age as the Liars. They all think its Noel Kahn, but thats like, way too easy. They decide that Aria is going to look for record of the adoption while Spencer goes and spies on Noel.

Emily is going to continue to be the useless college dropout and go interview for the swim coach job at Rosewood High. Against Paige, who unfortunately reappeared in our lives last week. Maybe Paige can lend Emily Neds Declassified Interview Survival Guide.

Hanna does a dramatic reading to a videotape about how shes going to do some shit. Why does Hanna think she is competent enough to pull this shit off? Like know yourself, know your worth.

Spencer supposedly has a search engine that looks up people? Where do I get that? Is there a 3 month free trial like Apple Music, which I had to fucking download to get Frank Oceans album? Frank Ocean is the only gay man to continuously fuck me.

The gardener/detective comes by and says that Snaggle fled to France. Huh, I guess hes on vacation too. Then he hits on Spencer. Wow, he got over that unsolved case fast. She tells him its too soon because her and Caleb just broke up and he leaves her his card *cough, cough, DOUCHE, cough*.

The Coffee Girl is eating cake and Emily comes in like oh look at that! A treat. Tell me, do you like your muffin buttered? Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin? The cake order is for Noel Kahn and Emilys like , and Coffee Girl is like ??

Aria and that sexy motherfucker Jason meet up. Last week we learned that they def had a thing before and were like SO fucking jealous.

Jason thinks AD is still in Rosewood and that he set fire to the basement. God, Jason is better than the cops are. Aria tells Jason what they found in the basement: paperwork basically saying Jessica was a piece of shit and proof of MDs other child. Also, MD is still missing. Freeform could only afford her for 6 episodes. Sad, all love.

Jason thinks that his mom was killed for the secrets MD had and Aria convinces him to go to the courthouse with her and help her get more information. Hes hoping he gets a chance to tap that in the waiting room, so hes like, .

Hanna follows Noel to a dumpster where he throws out a trash bag, because like duh, its a fucking dumpster. Hanna decides to dumpster dive afterwards and digs through his shit, finding a phone thats broken AF but with Saras face on it. Sketch.

Emily and Paige are filling out applications in a classroom right next to each other like its a fucking standardized test. Emily is like should I lie about being arrested? and says shes never done one of these things. What? Youve never tried to be a functioning member of society before?

Also, I wouldnt lie about your criminal record. This isnt like saying youre proficient in Excel. They will background check you. Its a fucking school, not a job at Hollister.

Paige is like, dont worry, the teachers know youre a fucking psycho! and Emilys like glad they dont ask me about committing crimes, phew! Yeah, youre #blessed they dont know that shit. Paige tells Emily that shes a great person, blah blah, incessant lesbian chatter, blah.

Aria and Jason are waiting at the courthouse when Aria flashes back to the time that she and Jason slept together. Ugh we hate Aria. Anyways, it seemed like she and Jason were dating. Jason is going to Ethiopia and asks Aria to come with him. Aria is like ugh what am I gonna do in Ethiopia? Help starving people? I mean, come on, Jason. Whats with all these dudes going to third world countries for charity? I knew like, one person who did that and they were Mormon and like, spreading the word of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

Emily finishes her interview, which she wore a flannel to. We get it, youre a lesbian. God forbid you own anything business casual. Never know when youll need to sub in for a random softball game.

Paige says she misses Emily and Emily is like yeah, I have a girlfriend but like, Im gonna dump her, but like, I have a girlfriend. But Paige knew that because she fucking stalks Emily. NBD.

Emily tells Paige that A is back and Paige is like omg tell your girlfriend! Itll make your relationship great! Is this reverse psychology?

Hanna meets her local roofie dealer and gets her drugs. Hes like youre the first girl Ive sold to. Wow, this is actually a fucking disgusting scene.

PLL WRITERS: I got it! Usually we make fun of blind people, but this time lets make light of date rape! FREEFORM: Genius.

Spencer gets Noels address from her moms campaign manager, no questions asked. Spencer and Emily go alone to Noels cabin in the woods, because, fucking duh. They realize that the cabin is in the same place that Hanna was held captive and reminds them of the bunker they were tortured in. But yeah, lets just continue breaking in alone.

There is a security camera and Spencer busts it so they can break in. Theyre snooping around and just cant seem to find the pesky evidence that he murdered and tortured people. This aint his first rodeo. I doubt hes gonna leave a fucking bloody knife in the entry way.

They find a box with a stamp on it and Spencers like You needed a stamp to get into the Kahns parties!! Wtf? Where were his parties? Vegas?

They find a flash drive, plug it into Noels computer and find the videos of him torturing them in the dollhouse. Hes planting blood on Spencer and Spencer starts crying and its a mess. Anyways, they steal the flashdrive and gtfo.

Meanwhile Aria and Jason get their number called right as the news report from South America comes up. Arias like brb, sorry about being kidnapped and all Nicole, but I got shit to do.

The lady at the desk says there is nothing she can do for Jason and Aria tells the woman his whole sob story. Any other court clerk would be like yeah, we dont care. But not this court clerk, shes a cool court clerk.

The woman is like youre lucky to have a fianc that cares so much!! Jason agrees shes special because saying actually she isnt my fianc is too much work. The woman says she will try and find something for them and will fax it by the end of the day. People still own faxes?

Spencer wants to give the tape of the torture to the police and Aria says they cant without Hanna. Spencers like Like Aria, can you pull your head out of Hannas ass for a second?

Emily finds out that Hanna is not in New York and everyone is so shocked. Like, how could she lie to us?! This never happens!

Coffee Girl comes over and Emilys like Coffee Girl says she has a break at work and wants to go to dinner. Wtf how long are your breaks? Where are you going to eat for your 15 minute break? Taco Bell?

Coffee Girl is like and Emilys like Coffee Girl made her cupcakes and is like eat darling.

EMILY: Im on an all-carb diet, Coffee Girl! God youre so stupid!

Everyone is trying to find Hanna before she does something fucking moronic. Fat chance.

Speaking of morons, Hannah blackmails Noel for Saras phone. Why does Saras phone have a selfie of her as the background? Like wtf, you couldnt like, take a picture of a flower or something? God, Sara annoys me even after her death.

Hanna crushes up the drugs like a hardened pro and puts on her totally great disguise: a baseball hat. Yeah, cause no one is going to tilt their head a little bit and figure out who the fuck that is. You have A wearing custom made masks and youre here with a fucking ball cap? What is this? Amateur hour? A center for ants?

Noel shows up to the bar and Hanna buys him a beer and drugs the fuck outta it. Casual. Hanna sits with Noel and is like

Hanna makes up a story about how she is getting questioned for Saras death and is like look I know it was you, so why dont we be each others alibi? You scratch my back, I scratch yours. Noels like see the funny thing about my back is that its located on my cock.also I actually fucking hate you.

She offers Noel the beer and hes like He manhandles Hanna to get the phone and tells her to be careful or shell end up like Sara.

NOEL: You fell victim to one of the classic blundersthe most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia”but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…

Spencer goes home because her moms car alarm is going offduh this shit is about to be a trap. All the lights go off because they are in a storm and shes like ah, what a perfect time to watch the videos of me being tortured.

She decides to call the police, or at least that detective guy. If she cant get a police report at least she can probs get a quickie out of it. Win-win, am I right?

Then a tree branch breaks through a window, the doors swing open, and Spencer sees someone in the doorway. She grabs a knife and the detective is there. She tells him someone is in the house and he goes off searching. She looks, and big shock, the flashdrive is missing. You had one job.

Jason and Aria are having a candlelit discussion and trying to not make it romantic. Jason would be naked like .4 seconds into a conversation, candlelit or not, with me. Just sayin.

Aria tells Jason that shes worried about her future with Ezra and Jason is like you two are meant to be!!! Is this the episode where all the jealous exes lie? Just wondering.

Aria flashbacks to Jason trying to convince her to go to Ethiopia, and shes like well, heres the thing. She took a cushy job at a publishing companyof course the one that published Ezras work. Jason figured that out and calls her on it and shes like _()_/.

Jason tells her basically if Ezra dumps her for the little hostage girl, hell be waiting for her, dick hard and all. What a guy.

Ezra finally texts and says Nicole wasnt one of the hostages and hes coming home to Rosewood. Aria is crying, so happy that there is still a helpless girl trapped by terrorists out there. Jason comes back and says that the adoption file came through except everything is blacked out.

However, they see that the judges name is on there and of course its Noels dad. Aria now thinks that Noels dad adopted MDs baby. Bold strategy cotton, lets see how it works out for them.

Emily calls Paige to talk and tells her about Noel. She invites Paige over, who practically creams her pants and says yes. But like, shes also oddly watching Coffee Girl. Fuck, shes so weird.

Noel comes home and finds Hannas hat on the ground and hes like WOW SHE MUST BE SO EXPOSED NOW WITHOUT THE HAT. He leans down to grab it and Hanna fucking hits him over the head with a bat. Its like a league of their own in this bitch.

Shes like its over bitch and Im like, fuck if I had a nickel for every time I heard that on this show.

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source http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/16/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back-you-can-all-mellow-tf-out-now/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2017/07/pretty-little-liars-recap-yes-were-back.html

[theroadtorestoration-blog]

5/26/2017 I would like to hold myself accountable in some way, so I'm going to start posting. Today I binged. These past few weeks have consisted of more binges than these past few months and it's scaring me. I started meeting with my therapist because of this and because of an ample amount of free time. I believe this amount of free time is causing me to think FAR too much about "fixing" myself, which is why I end up bingeing. My breakfasts and lunches have been satisfactory in the eyes of a girl on a weight loss journey, but if you ask my therapist, they are considered restrictive. Anyways, I'm going to be posting before, during, and after binges from now on in order to get a clearer sense of some of the reasons behind WHY I keep falling down this path. I'd really like to make this summer a time for myself to get closer to overcoming this battle of one and I believe the first step is being honest. So, here I am. Post-binge & post-purge as I walk the Weber Center track. My goal for the night is to reach 20,000 steps. Is this overexercise? Probably, but the highly irrational side of my brain is okay with that because... well.. whatever leads to weight loss. While I'm here, I guess I'll say how my day went and maybe I'll discover some potential triggers. 8:00- woke up and showered. I put on a cute outfit but I changed into a more comfortable one that made me feel really bad about my body. I changed bc I thought I'd get cold at graduation rehearsal. I even put on lipstick and earrings! Probably bc I wanted to impress my boo thang 8:15- I had my ACV and then I ate breakfast. I make myself drink this before breakfast bc I believe it's the magic waste loss cure. I wanted some protein so I started out with a strawberry Greek yogurt. I then made some oatmeal and had that as my starch instead of granola because for some reason I thought eating oatmeal would keep me from binging today ??? Who knows. My logic is skewed. I put 1 tbsp of protein in it bc I thought more protein = fuller tummy = lower chance of bingeing. I then had a disgusting overcooked hard boiled egg. My reflux of that was SICKENING. I had a strawberry too. I really wanted to binge but I left.... 8:35- supposed to be at graduation rehearsal @ 9. There was a breakfast from 8-9 that I skipped bc HA. when's the last time I've ever gone to a provided breakfast??? The idea of putting one of those bagels in my system makes me wanna barf. Disgusting carbs. 8:44- I arrive at niles North. I don't wanna see these people. Ugh. I wanna hide myself. I don't wanna walk in front of that crowd and get body shamed. I wanna see vaughn but I don't want him to see me. If I cross my arms over my belly maybe my body will turn invisible. 9:00- the gym is filled with pastries and bagels. Yuck. How does everyone just eat all of that stuff so carelessly? 9:05- the rehearsal is fine and long and I just wanna go and get on with my day. I'm so sick of this place and I hate all of this small talk. I see Uche and vaughn talking. Blah. I see tiselle. I think she hates me. Do I owe her an apology? Vaughn and I aren't even really dating. We've basically just hooked up and had some sleepovers. 9:40- omg there was this thing we had to do when we went to our seats and the person directly across from you in the parallel line would sit at the same time as you and vaughn and I were parallel! Love those coincidences. Also during the ceremony I sat behind manduul. He makes me uncomfortable. I also sat behind Nathan, vaughns friend, and I felt very judged. Am I too much for people? 10:00- I'm free! I zoom toward the exit and to the door and jump into my car. I don't wanna talk to anyone. I head to old navy and call dad. I tell him to meet me there. 10:15- I begin shopping. I enjoy shopping but it can be tough. I like my body now more than I used to, but I've still got some improvements to make. Im really proud of my exercise efforts though. I've been so consistent!!! I can't wait to continue on this fitness journey and to get a better grip on this healthy lifestyle. 1:00- omg, I'm finally done shopping. I can't believe I spent $270 on clothes...... holy shit. I've never done that before. It was my dads money and he was happy to do it but damn. I feel so spoiled. do I even deserve all of this stuff? Probably not. Ugh I'm so privileged it makes me sick. 1:05- dad was gross and flirty with cashier and I really don't wanna be around him but I have a salad at his house I was gonna eat for lunch so I head there and he follows right behind me in his car!!! Oy. 1:15- I eat a green salad from Trader Joe's. It has a lot of fat in it (27 g) but not a lot of protein (14 g) so I'm freaking out and worried about a later binge. Should I have that salmon in there or is it too much? The meal is only 370 calories. Do I need more? Dad comes and eats both of the small containers with salmon. He says it's okay to eat that much bc he worked out!!!! He keeps saying shit like that. It's so triggering. He says it as if you need to earn the right to eat which is such a disordered way of thinking. Is my whole family disordered? Oy vey. 1:30- I try and speed through lunch because this man is driving me insane. I say I'm gonna go to moms house and clean. I end up going upstairs until 2 and I just laid down and looked up things for vaughn and I to do tonight. Couldn't find anything. 2:05- I head to moms house. I grab 2 pieces of gum from dads fridge bc I think it'll rid of the urge to binge. It does for a while. I continue cleaning up and getting rid of stuff at moms while I listen to music. Not aware of the time. I take a break at some point. I head to the fridge and I get a chicken breast from jewel. I heat it up. My favorite part is the fatty skin. Is that completely disgusting? Probably. I'm proud of myself bc I eat it at a controlled pace which is new for me. I also have 3 pieces of shrimp. I'm upset with myself bc I'm watching a movie as I eat it. The love is called Blue is the Warmest Color. It's about lesbians. I question my sexuality for the thousandth time. I see that Jacob (my Ex boyfriends) new friend group posts a picture of themselves with a couch. Why are they mocking my friend group? Whatever! I also make myself a French vanilla cappuccino and I crave some shortbread cookies but I don't let myself. I tell myself to wait it out and let the craving pass because I know I'm not actually hungry. I stop watching the movie at this point and I return to cleaning. I have short text conversation with Spencer about vaughn and then about dammy. I realized that I'm not sure if I really trust vaughn and the relationship I currently have with him is kinda strange and I'm not sure how much I really wanna pursuit it. I really enjoy him though. He's so intelligent and makes great convo. At some point, I make my way to the kitchen again and I let myself have a ton of chocolate. I reach for the box of Fannie may chocolates that I discovered a few days back and rip through half of that, I love the chocolates with raspberry centers. I then reach for a box of European chocolates and they are expired and dusty looking. Yuck. I then eat some m&ms and chocolate squares and it's out of hand. I even have some more maple cookies and I heat up a handheld apple pie from Krispy cream. I heat up a butternut squash ravioli and vegetables lean cuisine and I devour it. I want more pasta. More carbs. I find another pasta dish in the freezer, I heat it, and it's gross. I put it in a container and throw it in the fridge. Wonder what my mom will think about all of the containers and food wrappers in the garbage. I hope she doesn't question me about it. I then have 2 spinach pie triangles and heat them in panini maker. Not very good. Then I make a quesadilla with 2 tortillas and a ton of cheese. I eat that by the tv. I then make another one even though I'm beginning to feel sick. This is the last thing I eat. I drink some water out a wine glass and I'm mad at myself. Go figure. This always ends up happening. I'm not sure I'll ever learn. I go to the bathroom and lay down and I'm in so much pain. I try spitting up my food. Oh yeah, just to mention I was spitting up some of my chocolate earlier on and I did this by running around and drinking water. Anyways, after My binge I'm in the bathroom trying to throw up and my phone is dying so I grab the extension cord thingy and I bring it to the bathroom downstairs bc I enjoy purging into that Toilet better and I charge my phone as I spit food up. Not too much comes up. I watch a video about what to do after a binge. It's not too helpful. I do hear AGAIN that I need to not restrict after a binge. This is so hard to learn bc I always have events coming up. I'm not trying to look like a fat ass at graduation or on birthright!!! 7:20- I decide to head to Weber center to walk. It's raining outside but I need to do something and I don't wanna be with other people. lol I never wanna be with other people. I'm too ashamed of myself. I set a goal for myself to walk 20,000 steps and I compete with everyone walking. Well, that's my day so far. If anything drastic ends up happening, I'll update you in tomorrow's post. Until then, keep on fighting. You are not your illness and I have no doubt that you'll eventually beat this. I love you, rach. Signing off.