#that being said i never actually watched teen titans it never really appealed to me but i did know of it

[aro-aizawa]

getting into batman and fam late is mildly embarrassing because with the series going on for so long there's a lot of various different interpretations of characters and they'll usually have common threads between them in the very least appearance wise so its easy to recognise them. i, however, did not grow up with the standard appearance of these characters and none shows that example more than when i imagine dick grayson. bc when ppl think of dick grayson he has long(ish) dark hair whereas what i think of is:

[welcome-to-the-gay-bar]

So I we started to watch Attack on Titan again after many years and I’ve just finished season two and before starting season three I wanted to take a trip down memory lane and look at all my old favourite AOT fan fictions from 2014 (and see what’s popular nowadays that I may have missed, since wow, a lot has changed since I was last present in this fandom and compared to what’s happening in the current episodes season one was tame).

I’ve noticed a huge divide between fanon and canon and I kinda wanted to ruminate on this a bit.

Eren’s character in the show isn’t my favourite. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still fond of this brash idiot, but he’ll never be my favourite. He falls into this shonen protagonist trope of being hot headed and ill tempered. He doesn’t take advice, he’s not going to listen to plans or authority, he always thinks he’s right and only follows his moral compass, and to tie it all up he’s not even that strong. He can’t back up the threats that he’s laying down and yet he always rushes into situations with fists flying and never thanks or appreciates the characters (Mikasa) that get him out of those tricky situations. The only way to get through to him is to physically beat him down and even then it may not work if he hadn’t already somewhat respected you (Mikasa again). This character type is seen so often in shonen and I’m really not a fan, I like the cool and calculating protagonist better. Someone who has the power behind their threats and doesn’t rush into situations. Again, I like Eren, but I think it’s the other characters in the show that balance him out and the plot itself that makes me like Attack on Titan.

Compare this to fanon where his default character is happy ray of sunshine who’s a little bit naive. It’s a rather jarring comparison but I also don’t necessarily dislike it either. To me canon and fanon characteristics are almost completely seperate. If I had to always think a d compare fan fiction to canon I probably couldn’t read it. I read about happy fanon Eren and see canon angry Eren and to me they are two completely different characters - two completely different people even. If I had to read fan fiction about canon Eren I can 1000000% say that I just wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I’d be totally bored. As I said before, I like Eren but it’s the people around him and the plot itself that makes him bearable. I can watch a show about him because it takes less time and emotional energy, but I couldn’t invest in reading a book about him (which is why I haven’t read the manga either).

This isn’t even exclusively towards Attack on Titan. Back in my Teen Wolf phase I noticed how different canon and fanon characters were. Small secret - I was knee deep in the Teen Wolf fandom before I realised that I hadn’t actually watched an episode of Teen Wolf. One of my mutual’s reblogged TW artwork that was linked to a story and from that I never looked back. When I actually did get around to watching TW I can honestly say I was more than a wee bit disillusioned. Derek and Stiles are obviously not the main characters and I was prepared for that, but then they barely interacted, and when they did interact it was nothing like what I had read about - nothing like what their fanon characters or interactions were like. I can honestly say that I never made it past the first season - the show just wasn’t for me - but I was still thoroughly invested in the fandom for another year or two.

Something about fanon Sterek dynamics just did it for me, their characters and relationship was just so on point for what I wanted, and this is kind of when I came to accept that canon and fanon can be so different that it almost feels as if it’s two pieces of completely different media. I mean, fanon has its own set of rules, it’s own character tropes and story arcs that even completely different authors with completely different stories somewhat instinctively know to follow. I think that’s amazing, but it’s also a double edged sword. See these first two examples were of shows that I A) never watched/finished before reading fan fiction, B) don’t necessarily love love the characters in canon. That means that fanon is more appealing because it takes something I don’t care too strongly for and changes it to something more appealing. But what about when fanon takes something I love and cherish and remoulds it?

I want to briefly take this time to talk about something I’ve dubbed “the twink affect”. When you take a character that’s originally strong willed, self sufficient, and somewhat masculine and you pair the, up with someone EVEN MORE strong willed, self sufficient, and masculine - the “Alpha male” of characters if you will. I find that fanon is incapable of seeing two strong men together in a relationship and will eventually slowly twinkify one of them. Make them smaller, softer, lonelier, less self sufficient and more reliant on others, they need to be taken care of, they’re now a ball of sunshine that’s radiant and joyful, they’re cotton candy that melts on your tongue. You put them next to the pairing you ship them with and instead of seeing two strong men you see a bear and a twink. That’s definitely what’s happened to the two characters/pairings mentioned before and I honestly didn’t mind because I wasn’t protective of the source material, but when it does happen to a character I love it’s the most frustrating thing in the world, and I can’t even complain because I’ve already reaped the benefits from other fandoms. (I am going to complain though, this is my blog and I can do what I want mum.)

I’m going to talk about Mo Dao Zu Shi. Beautiful story that I love in (almost) all its various adaptations, but I’ve noticed the ever slow changing of fanon’s Wei Wuxian. For anyone reading this that hasn’t read MDZS (or if anyone’s reading this at all, I am expecting to just be shouting into the void at this point) Wei Wuxian dies - not a spoiler, it happens at the very beginning of the story - and comes back to life in the body of Mo Xuanyu. Mo Xuanyu is small malnourished and twinky - he even canonically wears makeup (or at least has it in his possession, I’m getting the various adaptations confused and I can’t remember if in canon Wei Wuxian woke up in Mo Xuanyu’s body already wearing the makeup or if he just finds the tin of makeup in Mo Xuanyu’s possessions). Wei Wuxian’s character is also a bit of a tease, and now he’s alive and unburdened by the past he’s much freer now than he was in the past, couple that with the fact that he’s pretending to be Mo Xuanyu (a character who is rumoured to be gay and also a bit insane) he goes all out in pretending to be a shameless flirt, and it’s honestly hilarious, I love his character. So in a sense he has all the makings of a canon twink and I’m really not here to shame on those who portray him that way while he’s in Mo Xuanyu’s body.

My personal issue is with the same extreme twink portrayal while he’s in his original body. In his original body Wei Wuxian is BUFF. He’s hunky, he’s in the top five most eligible bachelors, he’s *car honks* woof woof bark bark *whistles* puurrrr, he’s one of the most powerful cultivators of his generation, he’s a genius too. He’s hunky. He still has the cheeky shameless character, but when you compare him to the male lead Lan Wangji, they’re about the same size and strength. My favourite type of fan fiction in MDZS is fix it/everybody lives nobody dies/no war/etc etc. Basically stories where Wei Wuxian keeps his original body. The fanon twink portrayal of him being so small and soft and weak while in canon he’s one of the strongest and smartest urks me in ways I can’t explain. It’s not what I want, not what I’m looking for. I love him for who he is in canon and to see his character so distorted by fans of the original work is frustrating. I just want to read about Wei Wuxian as a jock with his equally buff and tall nerd boyfriend.

I want to pause here and say that I have nothing against authors that write him in a twinky way, I respect your work and your characters (and as I said before I’ve reaped the benefits of other fandoms twinky character portrayals numerous times), if I read a fic that I’m not happy with the characterisation I just close the tab and move on so absolutely no hate to anyone who enjoys this character type. I’m just ruminating on the fact that I’ve been seeing it happen more and more often lately to the point where I’ve kind of bounced the fandom and am sticking to other works like Scum Villain that haven’t yet twinkified too much (there will always be one or two stories in every fandom that twinkify and honestly? I respect that. Authors said twink rights ONLY, good for them).

Mo Dao Zu Shi isn’t the only fandom I’ve been in that I’ve negatively reacted to fanon. Another one would be Batman (I love Tim with all my heart and I love him getting treated nicely but damn I sometimes wish people would remember how freaking strong and amazing he is too), 2Ha is another I’ve started to see “twinkified” (although I don’t mind seeing Chu Wanning being soft and taken care of, he is canonically called handsome and masculine and he’s quite tall too), I’ve even seen the canonically “top” character (and that seems so weird to write oml) be twinkified by fandom because they want to see him get bottomed for ~equal rights~ because apparently bottoming is seen as a “woman’s position” to them and they’re trying to be woke by switching the sexual positions up but failing to see how misogynistic and homophobic that take is (imma stop myself here because that a WHOLE ‘nother can or worms to be opened right there).

What I’m trying to say is fanon is a double edged sword and I’ve definitely enjoyed some and hated some. I think it’s important to seperate the two. I do think it’s annoying for fandoms to be flooded with mischaracterisation when you actually do like the original characters and I wish there was some way to seperate fandom into “actual canon fans” and “fans of fanon”, but I don’t have a solution and I’ve definitely contributed to the problem in the past so for that I’m sorry.

I don’t know how to end this long ass rant, I don’t know what the goal was in writing this, but taadaa ~ here’s my exceptionally long take on fanon.

[nuclidic]

Given that a lot of us are stuck inside with all this COVID-19 stuff, do you have any good TimKon fic recommendations to keep us more happily occupied?

Haha yes! I have this list from years ago but it is way past time for an update.

Disclaimer: these are just things I like, please heed all tags and warnings etc. I'm also not reccing any WIPs because unfinished fics kill me every time.

Crystal Clear by Merit andAnd I'll Tell You No Lies by caecily

Two short takes on soulmate tropes that have to go first because I love them so much, I love soulmate aus, Tim and Kon are soulmates, the end.

Where There's a Wish by LeeayreBeing Robin’s vessel is hard enough: the exhaustion, the life-threatening late night activities, the bruises and bullet holes and broken bones. Trying to hide all that from his incredibly suspicious, incredibly hot new roommate while maintaining his studies and placating his parents? Tim has never had it so hard. Especially since said roommate doesn’t actually know he’s Superboy.

So the setup for this is unusual, I'm not sure if it's based on anything but: superhero identities are Personas, independent (basically magical) personalities created by the wishes of a person or groups of people who act through hosts that have the will to manifest whatever that persona does. Basically: Robin is an independent persona, Tim shares his body with him and when Robin manifests the costume and all the gadgets appear. It's explained throughout the story, but just in case you start it and are like wtf is happening. This possibly should go in the thirds section because the actual pairings in this are: Robin/Tim, Red Robin/Tim, Tim/Kon, Red Robin/Tim/Kon, Red Robin/Superboy, and Red Robin/Superboy/Tim. Red Robin can also be kind of dubconny so watch out for that if it's a concern.

Wing Beats in Reverse by firefrightJason Todd is the third Robin, not the second, growing up in shadow of Tim Drake's death. Despite this, he still manages to form strong bonds with his new family. Especially Damian, who wishes to atone for his past mistakes with Jason's predecessor. But when he's fifteen, a mysterious red hooded figure kidnaps Jason from the rooftops of Gotham, and after that his life will never be the same again.

A Robin reversal AU (ie Damian is the eldest, Dick the youngest) that's Jason-centric but of course that doesn't lessen the Tim angst. Or the Kon angst when he finds out Tim is alive. Hopeful ending, but it doesn't fix everything.Other pairings: JayRoy, StephCass (barely)

Time Flies by by LaroyenaJon Kent is Superboy. Tim's gut instinct tells him that's wrong.(Timkon fix-it where reboot!Tim misses Kon like a phantom limb. And then he gets him back.)

Sometimes you just need to cry over the lack of Kon in your life and this fic provides the PERFECT excuse. Heartbreaking and then happy. (Also brings Colin back UNLIKE DC.)Other pairings: implied Clex

Not Completely Powerless After All by ChimaeraKittenNobody was quite prepared for the kid who runs the company to visit, but they manage, in fact, they might be pleasantly surprised; they weren't expecting him to be nice. Of course, they weren't expecting him to be a possible ninja either, but you gotta take the good with the bad.

Outsider POV!!! I have never watched Powerless so you definitely don't need to be familiar with it, this is just a glorious casefic told by someone who doesn’t know it’s a case.

Matters of the Heart by DMWith Clark off-world as an ambassador to Earth, Conner has to watch over Metropolis. Though it should be straightforward, there appears to be something amiss with seemingly random crimes happening around the city. Conner has a hunch that they’re connected and calls in his best friend to help. But as the two of them spend time together working the case, Conner realizes that his feelings for Tim might not be what he had thought.

A long casefic with feelings, basically everything I ever want.

Stumbling Home by bewaretheboojumIn his mid-twenties, Tim moves back to Gotham City after several years living abroad. He's feeling adrift, unfocused and a little off balance as he tries to re-establish a life in his home town.Kon is a fireman by day and superhero by night. When mysterious fires start cropping up in Metropolis, all signs point to arson. Who better to help him get to the bottom of this arson case than Tim? And really, it seems like Tim could use the distraction...

Another casefic with older TimKon. I didn't like the initial setup with Tim having abandoned his friends for years but it won me over in the end.

the honesty in your body by LaroyenaLuthor's tech saved Kon's life at the cost of his mind. Tim must take a feral Kon across space to restore his humanity... which is just as difficult as one may think.(Batman Omegaverse AU: unabashed TimKon porn detailing their original get-together in their early teens to their definite get-together in their late teens. But mostly porn.)

Yep, this is mostly omegaverse porn and it's excellent and I love it, I really don't know what else to tell you.Other pairings: BruDick

I'm Alone Here, I Think by unluckylokiSuperboy is fighting robots in San Francisco and remembers something that wasn't.There's a new priest in the Naxos temple appointed by Dream of the Endless.Kon is missing something. Tim is missing everything.One day Krypto practically drags Superboy to a remote island in Europe and there's a dark haired guy smiling at Kon like he knows him.Maybe he does.

Sandman crossover but I haven't read Sandman in 500 years so you don't need to know most of it. Kind of identity porn, but more...fraught. Excellent Tim angst (there...might be a pattern here) and I'll be honest I'm not very into all the witches and stuff but overall very enjoyable.

Nowhere But Forward by MishaBerryIt shouldn't have happened the way it did.When Kon finds Tim in Paris, it leads to a night that neither of them will ever forget, for better or for worse. Tim is then forced to confront something he's been denying about himself for a very long time, and Kon begins to question some things about himself. The road ahead is full of twists and turns, but there's nowhere to go but forward.

I really love long fics, but tbh I found this started to drag a little towards the end. I still enjoy it overall with delicious Tim angst.

Plus One SectionSometimes when pickings are slim we can try food we wouldn't normally eat, and sometimes it's delicious. Which is to say these are fics with Tim/Kon/Another Person. Don't go any further if this upsets your OTP soul, I completely understand.

TimKonBartTroika by glitterandlubeThis is kind of written like crack and definitely won't appeal to everyone, but it's a fix-it of preboot where instead of living with the Kents in Smallville and becoming the country boy of Teen Titans (2003) Kon moves to Gotham and then scores with Tim and eventually Bart. Follows the previous canon's timeline almost to the start of Red Robin. Some (honestly warranted) bashing of Steph but also of Lois Lane (???).Also contains explicit Tim/Dick.Other pairings: Clex, JayDick

TimKonCassieTrymmetry by glymrWhy do they feel like something's missing?

Set in a universe where Kryptonians form triad soulbonds. Kon and Cassie have both always been thinking about Tim when they're together, and after Kon comes back they can no longer deny it. They have to find Tim. I wish this was ten times longer.

JayTimKon

Heart of the Hoard by firefrightJason is a knight on a mission to save a captive young woman from a cruel and vicious dragon. However, when Jason reaches the keep the girl is kept in, it quickly becomes clear that not all is as it seems with his quest. For starters, Lady Timothea is actually Lord Timothy, and - as Jason soon discovers - he's hardly a prisoner in his tower.

Perfect because Kon is an ACTUAL DRAGON though it does lean on his YJ cartoon characterization.

I (Don't) Want to Believe by chibinightowl and strikeyourcolors

FBI agents Tim Drake and Conner Kent are sent to Arkham Heights High School to investigate a series of unexplainable incidents that have both staff and students on edge. Tim's firmly of the opinion the school is haunted while Kon is positive the occurrences can be explained in a more reasonable manner. After all, he doesn't believe in ghosts.Right? Right?

Horror casefic where Tim had a previous thing with Jason but also a thing with Kon so sharing is the way to go, especially when you're more (or maybe just equally) concerned about being murdered by ghosts in a haunted former asylum.

Okay I am stopping now because otherwise I will continue forever. I hope this satisfies some hunger.

[drgnbrst]

some thoughts on red devil from teen titans (a list)

1. 

The first issue of teen titans that Eddie Bloomberg was in he had this wicked glowing mouth and glowing eyes and he became my favourite new member JUST from character design. Eventually (during his short, sad run) they gave him not glowing features which made him look more like a human and less like someone who literally made a deal with the devil, but his visual appeal was in looking inhuman and out of place??? (also when the art style changed and made him a little uncomfortably ripped but that happens to everyone in dc)

2. 

I don’t know if it was just me but it felt like they were leading up to something big for him? They set him up for development with his devil-given powers and how he would eventually overcome his limitations by coming to terms with the hatred that was literally set up for him, and then they took his powers and never brought it up again. you would imagine that him getting his powers stolen by brother blood would be more of a plot point later on but uh.... ok

3. 

I really wish they played on the dynamic of power loss more than just Generic Angst and Eddie wishing he could be on the field! I wish there were some discomfort switching to him being on exclusively internal work for the team! Man where’s Jaime calling him sizzle shorts out of habit and them both getting uncomfortable because they realize that its not accurate anymore, or him deciding to keep calling Eddie that ANYWAY because it keeps him feeling included and like the loss of his powers doesn’t make him a fundamentally different person!! (cough.) He just did not feel like the same dude.

4. 

From a character standpoint I liked that he saved the city knowing he would die without powers, but also I think it was stupid narratively. They did introduce the issues with a death leading up to the moment he dies but it felt kind of out of place considering that they already depowered him in a dramatic way that got no closure? The writers really said “Chekov’s gun is not real it can’t hurt you,” but god, I wish it could. Anyway most of the team weren’t really that close with him and watching them act like they were without acknowledging that felt super insincere and weird. And I wish there was MORE ANGST after he died! Like people saying his name expecting him to be there or to laugh at someone’s jokes and having to deal with the silence after and THE GUILT when that happens???? Crushing.

5. 

World’s LARGEST ARE YOU KIDDING ME. YOU’RE TELLING ME THE FIRST I HEAR ABOUT HIM IN REBIRTH AT ALL. IS WHEN HE IS ALREADY FUCKING DEAD IN THE SANCTUARY ARC? ARE YOU JOKING??? ARE YOU ACTUALLY KIDDING ME????? ARE YOU SE

In Conclusion Eddie Bloomberg (aka Kid Devil, aka Red Devil) Deserved Better, Thank You For Coming To My TedTalk

[ouchmaster6000]

RE that zim/anpanman post - while Anpanman doesn't get as dark in tone, Baikinman regularly tries to kill people and has done things like tear pages out of an anthropomorphic book and make food-based characters spoil and rot. Not as gruesome as doing it to "real people" characters but that's not the point really; the idea behind it is still there, so Japanese kids are just very accustomed to an alien being that sadistic within the context of their series

First of all, I should point out I agree that Japanese kids are probably used to seeing more intense stuff on TV than american ones. Alot of shows like Yu-Gi-Oh, One Piece, Digimon and even Pokemon occasionally are known for having stuff edited out of the english dub. A pretty decent number of shonen series just flat out get marketed to an older audience in the states (stuff for kids in japan being aimed at middle schoolers here, stuff for teens being aimed at adults etc.)

Hell, I’m fairly certain Dragon Ball Z and Tenchi Muyo probably would have been marketed to adults in the US if it came out today too (Former for the violence, latter for the sexual stuff) and only got away with as much they did because they were on cable, and the idea that kids anime could appeal to adults simply hadn’t occurred to most western producers at that point.

I just…. Dont really think Anpanman is a good example of this? I also dont agree with the original poster’s Zim comparison. Granted, I suppose I probably should watch the show, but from everything I have seen of it, such as discussions on Bogleech’s website, it doesn’t seem that much edgier than standard kids show? Definitely a bit weirder and more violent than most preschool shows in the states, but overall, I doesn’t sound like Baikinman is much worse the your average kids cartoon villain.

I mean for starters, its pretty standard in kids media for killing and mutilating for non-human characters to be allowed, especially if said characters don’t have blood or flesh.

The obvious example is robots. Star Wars, Transformers, Doctor Who, Superman, Green Lantern, Teen Titans, Xiaolin Showdown, Age of Ultron,  - There are way too many shows, comics and movies to list that eithor aimed at kids or families, that have robots and cyborgs being torn apart in ways that would be pretty graphic if it happened to humans or animals.

Digimon is a related example - The only reason the franchise is allowed to have as much death as it does is because 99% of the fatalities happen to digital lifeforms that dissolve into pixels upon death.

Hell one of my favorite movies as a child was the original Toy Story, and all the scenes where Sid was mutilating and blowing up his toys would have gotten a hard R rating if he was doing it to people. I’ve heard a lot of people compare Sid to Dr. Frankenstein, but with toys, but at least Dr. Frankenstein used parts that were already dead (as opposed to tearing/cutting apart still living people) and put them together in a shape roughly resembling a human. Really, Sid’s toys are less Frankenstein and more human centipede.

I also remember Fosters Home for Imaginary friends having a similar reoccuring theme of “food friends” meeting a worse fate than Anpanman. This included half eaten, traumatized anthropomorphic food dreamed up by kids in stuck in fat camp, or a talking pizza dreamed up by the bully character and eaten and killed just seconds after being “born”

So, although obviously dark comedy, Baikinman doing those things isn’t really anything new for childrens media. Neither, is trying to kill someone, since a lot of cartoon villains have made serious attempts to kill people, they just never succeed.

But Zim successfully mutilating and removing the organs and body parts of human children is definitely not normal for a kids show.

Another issue I took with Revretch’s post was that she wasn’t just talking about Zim the character, she seemed to me to be claiming that “Invader Zim” the TV series wouldn’t be seen as edgy just because the main character is similar to Baikenman… but thats not really how it works? You can’t necessarily tell the tone of a show, just from the nature of its protagnist.

Like, by that logic, Courage the Cowardly Dog should be one of the most light hearted and kid friendly shows out there, but in actuality the world he inhabits is much, much darker, scarier and more surreal than Courage himself is.

Its true that, though the writers/network let Zim do much worse stuff on screen, there are plenty of other childrens cartoon characters whose personality is pretty similar to Zim, or whom are a lot creepier and more threatening. Mojo Jojo and HIM from the powerpuff girls are good examples of both of these, respectively. 

In fact, Powerpuff Girls, Xiaolin Showdown, Codename: Kids Next Door, Danny Phantom and plenty of other childrens cartoons all have both villains that are similar to Zim, and villains that are considerably more evil, creepy or serious than Zim ever was, but the tone of these shows, overall, is a relatively more optimistic one, where the main protagonists have more or less happy lives and good always triumphs over evil in the end.

Hell, even Gravity Falls, with its use of creepy horror imagery, occasional forays into adult humor, and having one of the most infamous big bads in childrens animation (and easily my favorite from the last 10 years) remains a fairly optimistic show at its core, about family and summer adventures.

This is not the case with Invader Zim, which is a show where humans as a species are portrayed as so comically stupid and mean spirited that, even if Zim somehow successfully killed or enslaved them all, it probably wouldn’t come across as a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

A show where the Irkens are depicted both commiting genocide, and electrocuting a disobedient slave on screen, and whose society is such a dystopia they are forced to udergo intense military training from birth and generally assigned roles for life based on genetics.

A show where the elementary skool is portrayed as a collection of all the absolute worst aspects of public school, both in terms of how its run, and how the kids treat each other, exaggerated to an absurd degree.

A show where a reoccurring joke character is a homeless man, who got taken advantage by a fast food chain, paid in free pizza and a room in the back of a resturant, became morbidly obese (Yes, this is Bloaty’s canon origin story) and was last seen in the original show sobbing uncontrollably because he hates his life.

Also, although this was obviously changed significantly in the comics and the Enter the Florpus special, in regards to what was portrayed in the original show, its really not difficult to make the argument Dib’s own dad and sister don’t give a shit whether or not he lives or dies.

Of course, this was all done for very dark laughs, as well as to create a setting that was just the right balance of humor and nihilism that the viewer could choose to either root for, laugh at or sympathize with either Zim or Dib without really worrying about the actual moral implications of either sides goals.

I’m not saying Zim is the edgiest show out there, comedic or otherwise. With stuff like Warhammer, Berserk, Venture Bros, Metalocalypse and all manner of gritty 90s anihero comics, Zims pretty light hearted and goofy in comparison.

But for childrens animation? Aside from some of the 90’s “grossout” cartoons like Ren & Stimpy and Cow & Chicken (which varied a lot in quality, imo) I can’t really think of any others that come close (Maaaaybe Billy & Mandy, but I think its too tonally inconsistant, with a lot of episodes being pretty standard cartoon slapstick.)

Wow, I sure did type a lot. Sorry about that. But Invader Zim is one of my all time favorite shows, and fictional villains one of my favorite topics, so I feel like I have a lot to say about them.

[brendancorris]

Thundercats Roar thoughts...

So a friend of mine showed me this trailer a few weeks ago, and for a second I didn’t believe it was real. But, before I get further into my thoughts on this thing everybody else on the internet has already covered, let me go into my history with Thundercats.

Despite never drawing much fan art for the series, Thundercats is a property I love, and one of the biggest parts of my life in my earliest years. Born in ‘86 with three older siblings, I was just in time for the original Thundercats. My family already consisted of die-hard fans, so it was naturally one of the first franchises I got into. From the time I was born to when I was about 4, Masters of the Universe and Thundercats were what it was all about. It wasn’t until ‘89 that I got my first TMNT toy, and about a year later that was literally all I cared about. 

But before my TMNT obsession, there was Thundercats. While I do have many fond memories of watching the show, my most beloved memories of it are simply being a fan. Collecting the action figures, listening to my siblings talk about the show, and playing Thundercats. Not a video game, though. On nights when my Mom was out, my Dad would host He-Man or Thundercats games where he’d be either Skeletor or Mumm-ra, my oldest sister and brother would be She-Ra and He-Man or Lion O and Cheetarah (while my other sister would be... somebody) and I, being the baby, would always get stuck being Orko or Snarf. All us kids would wrestle our dad and beat up on him as he’d try to defeat us. Epic stuff. Some how the younger of my two sisters would usually end up horribly injured after each game, though...

Simply put, Thundercats was the real deal with my family when I was little. The action was great, the evil beasts were awesome, the toys were a blast, and Cheetarah, along with the He-Man girls, made me feel things my tiny self wasn’t yet ready to feel. 

It wasn’t until I was in high school that I revisited the show, and, honestly, I was surprised how much it held up. Especially considering in high school I was “too cool for everything” yet I still acknowledged its quality. Yes, it was corny in the way all old children's’ shows were at the time (I have nothing but love for that tone, but I can see how it would be hard to digest for later generations), but it still had great, smart, sophisticated writing for its time, amazing animation and artwork, good characters, and one of the most hype intros ever.

In 2011 a reboot was made. This reboot was far darker and more built on political commentary. It was an understandable progression. The fans had grown up, so the franchise did too. While I wasn’t a huge fan, I can respect the quality of the writing, art, and over all work that went into it. It was a sophisticated piece of art. I felt it went a bit too extreme with the tone it was pushing, and as a long time fan of the original, found lots of the changes and design choices hard to digest. But again, it was a good show, and I respect what it attempted to accomplish. 

However, the show was canceled before season 2 could air. This left a lot of fans mad, confused as to whether it was low ratings, low ratings as a result of its switched time slot that was far from ideal, or just a business decision to sacrifice a popular show just to make way for a potentially more popular future show. While I can understand the upset from fans 100%, I didn’t feel it as I wasn’t a regular viewer. 

So, fast-forward to earlier this month when my friend shows me this trailer. As I said, at first I thought it was a joke, like College Humor or something. Then when the realization sunk in that it was real, I hated it. But, quickly I told myself that I don’t know enough about it yet to fully judge. I haven’t seen an episode. Sure, it looks awful from what I’ve seen, and I can clearly see the “monkey see monkey do” going on here with the copying of other successful modern cartoons. But, again, I haven’t seen it. Before I get into my final thoughts thus far, I need to address the elephant in the room...

...the similarities everybody has seen in this and Teen Titans GO!

While I wasn’t a die hard or anything, I did watch the entire first two seasons of the original Cartoon Network Teen Titans series when it was new, and I did like it. I thought it was very well-written, well-acted, had great characters, great character development, great stories, and great action. The characters worked off of each other beautifully. However, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I had some issues with it.

UNPOPULAR OPINIONS AHEAD - PREPARE TO HATE ME

Since its release I have always found the art style to look very under-developed and unappealing. It looked like an awkward imbalance of the (already bland in my mind) Justice League cartoon style and a newbie anime style. The best way I can describe it was it resembled the artwork of a junior-high kid who just started drawing anime. Also, I found a lot of the anime-inspired elements to feel forced. When characters would mutate into chibi disasters or tropes like sweat drops scrolling down their faces would happen, it was always a bit cringy and out of place. It felt like it was shoehorned in rather than rightfully fitting in.

But the most notable thing about the show was it was a pretty huge departure from the original DC comics. Gone was the realistic art style of the comics. Now the characters all had big, round heads, twig-like limbs, huge hands and feet, and big anime-eyes. Everything was very simplistic, sharp, and jagged. There was far more comedy, some great, and some that cringy chibi stuff I mentioned. The integration of anime tropes and far more kid humor was a huge departure from the comics. So, basically, despite being a good show, Teen Titans, the show, was a huge departure from its source material.

Then comes Teen Titans GO! and overnight it becomes one of the most hated (and most popular) cartoons of this age. I didn’t quite hate it, but wrote it off as crap without seeing it. It is a shame that the original show was canceled before it got to be finished, but putting fans’ anger towards that aside, the creation of TTG makes perfect sense. The characters proved extremely popular and marketable, largely because how comedic they could be when bouncing off each other (and the original show had been canceled. Continuing a canceled show years later is a difficult task, regrouping the team, dancing through the legal BS, and finding enough staff and people to fund it to be on board, as well as a network to accept it). More simplistic art styles were becoming more popular, and after the post-Adult Swim days, hyper, wacky, odd comedies have become the norm.

To be honest, any time I have seen Teen Titans GO!, which has only been about three episodes or so, I laughed. I don’t care what people say, the show is legitimately funny. Is it the greatest show ever? Not by a long shot. Is it better than the last TT show? Probably not. Is it a shame it exists while the original never finished? Kinda. But is it a bad show? Honestly, no. 

TTG knows exactly what it wants to be and delivers. It may not be the sequel show old fans wanted, but if you put aside the hatred, you’ll see it’s not only a funny cartoon bursting with energy and very well-defined and appealing character designs reminiscent of shows like Dexter’s Lab, but also a huge love letter to the Titans, the last show, and all things DC. It is clearly made by DC fans. I may be biased because I love Weird Al and The Golden Girls, but, man, this is funny right here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ICmOMLX3rQ

Admittedly, even the movie trailer looks funny, and I’ll likely see it, despite not really being a fan of the show. Just like the 2011 Thundercats, I see what the TTG team is intending to do, and I appreciate how well they do it, despite not being a regular supporter of it.

And, well, that brings us back to ‘Roar’. Will I like it? Based on what I’ve seen so far, likely not, but who knows. It could end up being the next Sonic Boom. I do strongly dislike the art direction for Thundercats Roar, and the footage shown thus far did not make me laugh (except Mumm-ra learning about the cats being on Third Earth by reading it in the newspaper. That actually got a chuckle from me). But, as much as my gut is telling me to hate this show, I won’t pass judgment until I’ve at least seen a couple episodes. It’s definitely not the Thundercats I love, but to be honest, I didn’t want a TC reboot. I was fine with it just being as it is. So if somebody’s going to reboot it for a new generation, I’ll be glad to see my favorite franchises get passed down, so long as it is done lovingly. If the show truly is a love letter to the history of the franchise as it claims to be, and if it’s a decently quality product that obvious care went into, I’ll be fine with it.

It would be so easy to tear it apart and hate it, but as I get older I find myself growing more accepting of such change. I’m not EXPECTING to like it, but who knows, I also wasn’t expecting to like Sonic Boom. Basically, so far I’m not digging what I’ve seen, but I’ll keep an open mind and stay hopeful. Here’s hoping they can change my mind with the final product.

The End

[aphrodaisyacs]

Chapter summary:

Tony (internally): Oh my god I bet he still hates me. Steve (internally): Oh my god I bet he still hates me.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: Gen Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies) Characters: Loki (Marvel), Thor (Marvel), Heimdall (Marvel), Wanda Maximoff, Bruce Banner, Thanos (Marvel), Stephen Strange, Tony Stark, James “Bucky” Barnes, Guardians of the Galaxy Team, Steve Rogers, T'Challa (Marvel), Peter Parker Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Shitstorm with a Happy Ending, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, POV Multiple, Loss of Limbs, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Canon-Typical Violence

Links if you want to read on tumblr:

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

part 5

Can you believe I completed my first fanfic? Me neither.

Here’s the epilogue, aka the long awaited Steve & Tony reconciliation below:

Tony slept through the entire ride back to Earth.

It wouldn’t have been such a bad thing, per se, if it weren’t for the fact that he did it while slumped over the Milano’s main table in a hard stool.

Tony stretches, then winces at the series of cracks that follow.

He’s getting too old for this.

The arrival of the group from Titan receive a less than warm welcome from those in Wakanda. Which, fair enough, since previously all spaceships to Earth had meant bad news. The Wakandan soldiers only put down their weapons after everyone steps out of the Milano. Tony gets practically tackled and squeezed to death by Rhodey, and he can faintly register Heimdall suffering the same fate behind him, courtesy of Thor.

Turns out he had missed a laundry list’s worth of things since stowing away on that space donut, which was only what, a day ago? Bruce is back, so’s Thor and even Loki (who’s apparently blue now and no longer crazy and bent on taking over the world). Steve and the other ex-Avengers are here too, and Tony does his best to ignore the twinge in his chest at the sight of them.

Luckily for Tony and his aversion to long overdue conversations, Thanos’ latest army had left such a mess in Wakanda that everyone is needed to help with the clean-up. There isn’t much they can do about whatever the hell happened to the grass fields, so they focus their efforts on the scattered corpses and whatever alien tech had been left behind.

But unluckily for him, Steve is determined to talk to him, and Tony can’t believe he’d almost forgotten how damn stubborn the man can be. Steve has been unsubtly glancing at Tony’s way for the past ten or so minutes with that slight furrow between his brows, and Tony feigns ignorance and continues hauling alien corpses as if he wouldn’t rather launch himself into space again.

After all, he’s quite sure that Steve hates him.

Sure, Steve had said that he’d help if Tony needed him. But what if the moment he sees Tony again, he gets reminded of how much he hates the man who forced him to give up his shield, his symbol? The man who attacked his best friend, over something that said best friend was forced to do while tortured and brainwashed, even? Fucking hell, the more Tony thinks about it the more he feels like human garbage. He’s terrified at the idea of looking at Steve again for the first time since their fight, only for the other man to look back with hatred, disgust, disappointment or even apathy. And somehow apathy is the worst of the lot, because then it’d be as if Tony no longer means anything to him and that would hurt.

“Tony.”

Think of the devil.

Tony deliberately throws another alien corpse into the back of the clean-up vehicle before turning around.

“Cap!” he exclaims, with probably a bit too much forced enthusiasm. Steve gives him A Look, and yep, definitely too much enthusiasm, because he isn’t buying it at all.

An awkward silence hangs between them and Tony struggles not to fidget too much as he turns his gaze towards everything but Steve’s face. Come on Tony, say something, say something-

“So… I heard that you’ve teamed up with Loki over there. Guess your type is tall, dark and murderous, huh?”

Tony instantly regrets the words the moment they leave his mouth, because if the expression on Steve’s face is anything to go by, he doesn’t find the half-assed joke funny at all.

Figures Tony would ruin things before they can even begin.

The awkwardness of the silence now has a sour edge to it, and the idea of being launched into space again to fight a Thanos 2.0 is becoming more and more appealing.

Suddenly a different voice cuts in.

“Well gee, this is getting painful to watch,” Barnes huffs. He meets Steve’s withering glare with a raised eyebrow as he strides over to them. He turns to Tony.

“Now that I’ve recovered and gotten all the trigger words out-” Barnes heaves out a sigh and looks straight at Tony with a startling amount of sincerity. “You can arrest me. I promise I won’t run anymore.”

“Buck-” Steve begins, but stops when Barnes merely shakes his head. They wait for Tony’s response.

Tony takes in Steve’s tense stance and Barnes’ kicked puppy look. Instantly, any and all emotions he had been feeling at that point drain out of him, leaving him empty and exhausted.

“Look-” Tony begins, “I’ve had some time to think about it and I really shouldn’t have gone crazy on you like that. You were tortured for what, 70 years? I can’t stay mad at you for that, I mean, back in-” Tony’s words get stuck in his throat at the creeping memories of dark, cold and pain.“Back in Afghanistan I barely even lasted like two days before I…” Tony swallows. “Look- I’m sorry. For being hard on you.”

Barnes’ eyes widen.

“What are you-”

“Nuh! Uh! Shh! Let me finish!” Tony cuts in, and winces when Barnes visibly startles. “I’m not saying we go run off and get friendship bracelets or anything, but. I don’t hate you. HYDRA wanted my parents killed, and if it wasn’t you who did it, they would’ve ordered someone else to. So I don’t blame you for my parent’s deaths. I was an asshole to do that two years ago, and I’m sorry, okay?”

Tony’s heart is thumping loudly in his ears, from the dizzying exhilaration of finally getting to word-vomit the messy apology that had been stewing in his mind for too long. That, and also because he doesn’t know how Barnes will react.

Barnes blinks at him, but the act does nothing to stop the tears sliding down his face. He sniffs and shakes his head.

“No, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” His voice is unsteady with barely suppressed sobs. “It was still me that did it, my own hands. You had every right to be angry.”

Tony gives a tired smile, even as his chest twists with guilt. On the side, Steve doesn’t even bother trying to hide his pained expression at the sight of Bucky’s tears.

“Well, I’m not,” Tony says. “Not anymore. There wasn’t a point to staying angry at you. Got better things to do- suits to upgrade, Wakandan tech to play with, spiderlings to look out for…” He knows he’s rambling at this point, so he falls silent as he watches Barnes heave in shaky breaths while Steve rubs soothing circles on his back.

Eventually Steve leans in and says something to Barnes’ ear, to which makes Barnes straighten up. He gives Steve a parting hug, and nods at Tony after letting go. Barnes directs a final “don’t fuck this up” look at Steve, then walks away.

As Steve watches Bucky leave, he becomes acutely aware of the way his best friend had eased the discomfort of the silence hanging between him and Tony.

It’s a relief to see that Tony had forgiven Bucky. But if the way he is still refusing to look at Steve is any indication, then well… Steve can’t exactly blame Tony if he still hates him. Steve would understand if Tony never forgives him for what went down last time they saw each other. But at the same time, it’d feel wrong if he didn’t even attempt to mend bridges. Especially since for the first time in two years, they finally have a chance to talk.

“I thought that Earth lost its greatest defender,” Steve says before the silence can descend into awkwardness again. “But then it turns out that he went off to take care of the real problem. So thank you for saving the universe.”

Tony lightly scoffs at that and crosses his arms.

“Nah, that was mostly Gamora and Nebula. I helped, a little.” He finally looks at Steve, with a carefully neutral expression. “But you took care of things on your end too didn’t you?”

“Well,” Steve says. “That was mostly Wanda and Thor actually. But I guess I helped, a little.”

Tony lets out a small huff of laughter at that, and Steve can’t help the amused smile spreading across his face.

The silence between them is now companionable. Steve would like more than anything to bask in it a little longer, but he clears his throat.

“I’m sorry. For hurting you. And for hiding secrets from you.”

Tony is wearing an unreadable expression on his face, but he doesn’t say anything so Steve continues.

“I could’ve- This could’ve been avoided if I just told you about the stuff I found on Bucky from the SHIELD-HYDRA files. But I just- couldn’t. I thought it would be better if I didn’t. And I was wrong.”

Tony sighs and drops his arms.

“I’d be a hypocrite if I pretended that I didn’t do the same thing with Ultron. I knew you guys wouldn’t approve so I kept it all hush-hush. I thought that I’d show you after it was done, then I’d be proven right and you’d have nothing to complain about.”

Steve rubs his hand over his face. What a pair they make. No wonder it had taken so little for Zemo to tear apart the Avengers.

“And I guess…” he continues. “I also want to thank you for forgiving Bucky.”

Tony waves a hand dismissively.

“Like I’ve said, I’ve had some time to think on it.”

He glances over at Steve.

“But what are you gonna do now?”

It’s a loaded question, and they both know it. Being constantly on the run hasn’t been easy- it’s something that Nat had gotten used to while he and Sam kept pushing themselves forward, but he can see the toll it’s taking on Wanda, even without the additional tiptoeing she had to go through to see Vision. The Accords have diminished the Avengers in more ways than one, and Steve has to admit that they only won this fight against Thanos through pure luck. Things would be so much easier if they just worked together again, without the shadow of the Accords looming over their heads. And now the tentative thread of reconnection that he’s formed with Tony might get ruined again by the very thing that tore them apart.

“I don’t know,” Steve finally admits. “But… probably back to what I was doing before.” He shrugs. “There’s not much else a wanted criminal can do.”

For the first time since the conversation started, Tony looks him dead in the eyes.

“But you don’t have to be one.”

Steve sees the faint glimmer of barely concealed hope in Tony’s eyes, and suddenly it clicks. Of course- Tony doesn’t hate him. Or at least, not anymore. Somewhere along the way, he must’ve forgiven Steve as well. It makes sense now, the way Iron Man and the Avengers’ hunt for Captain America and the other ex-Avengers on Ross’ orders always seemed half-hearted at best. Tony’s always had a bigger heart than he’d let on.

“Tony, I- I’m sorry, I really am, but…” Something sinks in Steve’s chest at the way Tony’s expression begins closing off. “There’s no way things can go back to the way they used to be. The Accords- they’re gonna look at this-” He gestures in the direction where the group from Titan- the Guardians of the Galaxy, as they had introduced themselves as- are playfully competing to see which one of them can clear the most alien corpses. “-and see dangerous individuals who need to be controlled and contained, even though they helped save the universe.”

Tony exhales loudly.

“Well I think that given all the shit that just went down in the past 24 hours, they’re gonna have to update the Accords anyway. This whole thing’s gonna be a paperwork nightmare, but…” he trails off, and waves vaguely with a hand.

“Yeah,” Steve says, understanding what Tony’s too tired to articulate. Then, something suddenly crosses his mind.

“Loki and Bruce also said that Asgard’s been destroyed- there are escape pods filled with Asgardian refugees who were evacuated from the main ship after Thanos attacked. Chances are, they’re gonna be heading to Earth now that it’s safe.”

Tony blinks at that, then sucks in a breath and runs a hand over his face.

“Hoo boy I am not looking forward to that. Our government bigshots already get their panties in a twist when it’s refugees from a different country, but from an alien god planet? It’s gonna be a complete shitshow.”

Steve grimaces, because he knows Tony’s right.

“Well, at least Thor will be the one representing them, since he’s now their king,” Steve offers. That, and Thor has a track record of being charismatic and well-liked by the general public. Not that either of those things had helped Steve much at all, but he can only hope that things will turn out better for his friend. After all, he can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to be forced to flee your own planet.

“Then will you be sticking around to help?”

Steve is aware of the way Tony is watching carefully for his reaction. He turns his gaze towards the devastated Wakandan fields, at everyone who is helping with the cleanup. He imagines standing with them, giving a statement to the general public on the intergalactic war that had taken place right under their noses. He looks at where Thor is laughing with the Guardians as he joins in with their games, and tries to imagine the myriad of ways in which the international governments would object to their very presence on Earth, would object to the Asgardian refugees on Earth. His mind is already spinning with counter-arguments for each and every one of them. He looks at the other Avengers scattered throughout the field, at the way they’ve seamlessly clicked back together as if they were never separated in the first place. He looks at where Princess Shuri is chattering excitedly with the young spider boy, and he looks at where the raccoon had broken off from the Guardians to speak to Bucky about something which makes his best friend frown.

Steve looks back at Tony. He’s not quite smiling, but it’s close.

“Maybe.”

He’ll see where things go from here.

[raccoonfootproductions]

Editorial: Why Does Nickelodeon Give Up On New Animated Shows So Quickly?

(The following post is long. Very long. And I did my best to word it properly even though I’m not the best with words. Still, I’d very much appreciate it if you took the time to read it because it’s about something that really matters to me. I know stuff about Nickelodeon isn’t very popular unless it’s 100% negative, but please, if you have the time, give this a look)

Nickelodeon. Once beloved by everyone, now infamous for two things: Either ending animated shows too early (El Tigre, Harvey Beaks) or treating them terribly (The Legend of Korra). They’ve been like this since 2006 and have only slightly improved since then. Even now, Bunsen is a Beast and Welcome to the Wayne, which only just premiered this year, seem to already be on their way out, either cancelled or ready to be moved off the main network for their next season.

Why has this happened? Why has Nickelodeon lost faith in its own animated output? I believe there are two groups of people to blame:

Nickelodeon’s current management

The general viewing public on the internet

That’s right, WE are just as much to blame for Nick’s downfall as they are. Yes, really. There are several factors that led to the state the network is in now and we had a hand in quite a few of them...

1. The Change in Management (The Dark Ages)

Let’s rewind to early 2006. Nickelodeon had just gotten a new president -- Cyma Zarghami. Needless to say, it didn’t take long for her to become the most hated president in the history of the network.

What was her first move? Cancelling almost every current animated show. Danny Phantom, Jimmy Neutron, My Life as a Teenage Robot... The only ones that remained were Avatar: The Last Airbender (for a while) and SpongeBob SquarePants. This was obviously received as a terrible move and fans were outraged. So much so that protests were held outside the network offices in New York (by fans of Danny Phantom).

Did Cyma respond to criticism and stop there? Nope! Many shows after that were cancelled quickly, several only getting one season (El Tigre, Tak and the Power of Juju, Making Fiends). Even pilots that had potential to live longer than that (Adventure Time, The Modifiers) were rejected before even getting their own series. To make matters worse, many shows that did live beyond a single season were terribly received by critics (Back at the Barnyard, Fanboy and Chum Chum, Sanjay and Craig, Breadwinners).

Only a small handful of shows since then have lived for at least two seasons and received critical praise, thanks in part to two seasons becoming the minimum for most new shows, but even most of those were treated terribly by the network at some point. However, at this point, it wasn’t entirely the network’s fault, which leads me to the next factor...

2. Our Refusal to Give New Nickelodeon Shows a Chance

I’ve seen it far too many times. So many people on the internet either not knowing about a new Nicktoon (more on why that is later) or outright refusing to watch it. The latter is a problem that stems from our inability to trust Nickelodeon anymore, thinking the new show will either be dumb or the network will just cancel it early.

Hear me right now and hear me well: THAT ATTITUDE IS EXACTLY WHY THEY CANCEL SHOWS EARLY.

You boycotting shows just because you think the network will mistreat it or because you just don’t like the network only makes things worse. It greatly affects the rating and online buzz, the very things shows need to survive. The network won’t think you’re refusing to watch because of how bad they’re run; They’ll think you just don’t like the show and axe it quicker. If you want to make a real impression, boycott the shows that you think are bad and support the ones you like by watching them or merely talking about them online.

Sometimes, it’s not even the mere fact it’s on Nick that makes people too judgy about new shows. It can be the way the show looks. If we think the art style isn’t good enough or the premise is a ripoff of something else, we’ll pass on it, even if the show is actually pretty good. There were people who thought Harvey Beaks was a ripoff of The Amazing World of Gumball because of how it looked and decided not to watch it. There were people who thought Welcome to the Wayne was a ripoff of Gravity Falls just because of its premise and decided not to watch it. There’s already people planning not to watch Pinky Malinky because they don’t like its art style. These shows (not counting Pinky because we don’t know yet) were all good, but got very little attention because many judged them at first glance rather than actually watching them. This was a major factor that led to their early demises. Not enough people gave them a chance right out of the gate, so the network gave up on them.

The Loud House is the only recent Nicktoon that managed to become popular right away and avoid cancellation, but that’s mostly due to early online buzz and people actually giving it a shot because they actually liked how it looked. It ended up rivaling SpongeBob in ratings, which Nick is always looking for in a new show. If we can’t help it get close to SpongeBob numbers, there’s a chance the network won’t support it for long.

I know what you’re thinking. “C’mon, new shows can’t become popular that quick! It takes time to build up popularity! Nick just has unrealistic goals!” Well, as a rebuttal to that, I present the next factor...

3. Cartoon Network (and Disney XD)

Cartoon Network... That network... I have a lot of problems with that network...

My main problem with it is simple: It’s an attention hog.

Ever since 2010, with the introduction of Adventure Time and Regular Show, all I ever heard online was how great those two shows were. Day in and day out, no one would shut up about these two shows. Cartoon Network had apparently entered a new golden age, while Nickelodeon was still seen as a rotting corpse. I’m definitely not saying these two shows were bad; I was just annoyed by how much people were talking about them, especially since I wasn’t as into them as everyone else.

Then came The Amazing World of Gumball. Then Steven Universe. Then Clarence. Then We Bare Bears. Then, most recently, OK K.O.: Let’s Be Heroes. So many shows came out in the last few years that appealed to pretty much everything the internet wanted. Because of that (and I suppose a lot of promoting on CN’s part), most of them became famous almost instantly. Their ratings compared to other networks’ shows didn’t matter; They had online fame. A lot of it. Much more than anything Nickelodeon could produce.

Don’t believe me? Just look at these Google trend charts, the blue lines representing Nicktoons and the red lines representing Cartoon Network Originals:

Breadwinners vs Clarence (admittedly not a fair comparison already)

Harvey Beaks vs We Bare Bears

And most recently, Welcome to the Wayne vs OK K.O.: Let’s Be Heroes

As you can see, the CN Originals had enormous spikes of popularity around their premieres, while all the Nicktoons could barely reach their level at any point. The internet’s focus has always been directed toward CN more, as if Nick doesn’t even exist anymore because we’ve become that biased. New CN shows barely have to do anything other than exist and repeat the formula of the last hit show to get immediate online fame. Even unpopular shows like Teen Titans Go! have achieved fame simply by being controversial, something that not even Nick’s worst shows have achieved.

That's my problem with Cartoon Network. It achieves so much by doing so little, while almost all other animated shows get next-to-zilch.

Of course, Cartoon Network isn’t the only attention hog. There’s also Disney XD. While its ratings are the lowest out of all kids’ networks, its shows can easily become as popular as CN’s. Gravity Falls and Star vs The Forces of Evil are two prime examples.

All that being said, these networks are just as guilty as Nick of sweeping shows under the rug early if they think they’re under-preforming. Let’s not forget how Disney treated Wander Over Yonder or how CN treated Young Justice and all other action shows. So this isn’t just a Nick thing; Nick’s just the most notorious for doing it. This is probably because of the next factor...

4. Poor Promotion and Business Practices

Now this one is entirely Nickelodeon’s fault. There’s really no way I can pin any of the blame for this on the public.

When was the last time you saw a commercial on Nick for something other than SpongeBob, The Loud House, or a live-action show? Almost never, right? Unless there’s new episodes or it’s a big event like Hey Arnold!: The Jungle Movie, most animation gets shoved to the side or completely off the schedule. Obviously, this is a terrible way for a show to gain any attention. It can’t gain any traction if it’s never advertised or airing. It also doesn’t help if the schedule’s constantly changed. Just ask The Legend of Korra.

Sadly, when it comes to new shows, if it’s not live-action, Nick doesn’t care. This raises the question, why does Nick like live-action show so much, even when the shows are so poorly made and received?

The answer is simple: They’re cheaper to make.

Animating a single episode of an animated show can take over half a year and many resources to produce. A live-action show can be churned out in much less time for much less money. All those recent Dan Schneider shows that just lump together at this point were likely greenlit because it barely costs the network anything compared to an average Legend of Korra episode. Even imported animated shows like the current Alvin and the Chipmunks series were brought onto the network because of their cheapness (Cyma Zarghami doesn’t even like Alvin that much).

That said, a show being cheap doesn’t automatically make it bad. A good example might be The Loud House. Its Flash animation can’t be all that expensive, but it still manages to be good because its staff cares about their craft. In the end, caring enough about what you’re making is what counts, not the price of it. Sadly, not enough live-action shows have a caring-enough crew to make them any good. The kid actors and kid viewers just play along because they really don’t know any better.

All I really want here is for Nickelodeon’s scheduling and promoting to be more balanced. They can keep the SpongeBob reruns and live-action shows, just as long as other animated shows get just as much airtime and advertisements. They need to even the playing field and then, only after more than a few weeks or months, judge a new show’s popularity before pulling it. Also, checking the amount of views a show gets on their website and other legal streaming sites is a good idea for them too. We live in an age where online viewership matters a lot more than television viewership.

5. Our Inability to Let Go of the Past

How many times have you heard this? “Nickelodeon was better in the 90′s!” Yeah, we’ve all heard something like it. Everything was apparently better back in an earlier decade. That’s part of the reason companies rely on nostalgia so much these days -- It’s stuff that people already like. Therefore, it’s easy to sell and they don’t have to take risks with new stuff.

This is a driving factor behind a lot of Nickelodeon’s decisions these days. Think about all the movie reboots of old properties they have lined up: Hey Arnold!: The Jungle Movie, Rocko’s Modern Life: Static Cling, an Invader ZIM special, theatrical movies of Dora the Explorer and Are You Afraid of the Dark?... And that’s just what they’ve announced so far. There’s also the merchandise based on old shows, which is also growing more and more abundant. Even the 2012 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series managed to stay alive for a long while thanks to it being a familiar brand, with yet another series on the way. You could also say it’s why SpongeBob and The Fairly OddParents have lasted so long.

Why all the nostalgia? Like I said, it’s easy to sell, but also because... NO ONE GIVES THE NEW STUFF A CHANCE.

Why waste money on a show someone’s bound to dismiss as a poorly-drawn ripoff of another show when they can easily grab attention and cash by bringing back an old property that everyone already loves? Yep, you ignoring new shows just because you think they don’t look good was partly what led to this.

Don’t get me wrong, these nostalgia-fueled revivals of old franchises aren’t inherently bad. In fact, Nick probably does it better than anyone else. They actually bother bringing back the original creators and as much of the cast and crew as they can. There’s actual love and care put into these reboots, which is more than I can say for some other cash-grab reboots (looking at you, new Powerpuff Girls).

The problem is that these shouldn’t be the only thing from Nick you support. Next time a new show comes out, try watching a few episodes when they first premiere and see if you like it. If you do, keep watching it on the air and from legal online providers. Talk about it online and get other people interested. Do what you can to show support. If you don’t support it, I certainly don’t want to here you complain when it’s cancelled.

So is there still hope for Nickelodeon to improve?

At the moment, I definitely think so. It already has a bit, in some ways. However, it still has a long way to go before it’s learned from its mistakes. Cyma Zarghami is still in charge and she’s not much smarter than she was in the beginning.

That’s why we should help them get better.

I know in this day and age, it’s easy for us to not care about something like Nickelodeon. It’s past its prime and we’re beyond its demographic now, so why bother, right? Apathy can be dangerously powerful like that. Still, it’d be nice if we could all help somehow. I already named a lot of ways we can and many problems we should tell them to fix.

I’m sure a lot of you reading this grew up with them, possibly during their heyday, and if you did, who better to tell them what they should do than you? Who knows? They just might listen if you actually bother to speak up.

After all, wasn’t it fan demand that helped Hey Arnold!: The Jungle Movie finally get made?

[groundramon]

I think one thing a lot of spinoffs/reboots in hollywood forget is that if you arent improving on the original, adding to the original, or completely changing up the formula, you’re just wasting money.

If the original is heralded as a perfect classic, an amazing piece of cinema without any flaws, then there’s no reason to remake it unless you’re adding something completely new to it.

Take the Ghost in the Shell remake, for example.  Besides the racism, like...there’s no point in remaking Ghost in the Shell.  I guess...its in live action this time?  But I’ve never understood how being in live action adds anything to the story, especially since it usually requires you to cut out story to fit it into a movie format.  And besides that, the original animation is still great - nobody wants to see the same story with updated graphics and a hollower story because the old graphics are just fine.

But something like Voltron is prime content for remaking, granted you make it better instead of making it just as corny and with less heart.  The original animation is...not great, and the original story is...not the best either.  I’ve never seen it but that’s just what I’ve heard.  But it was good enough, especially for the time, to be beloved by thousands if not millions of people for decades.  Most of what’s there is nostalgia, not legitimate critical praise of the series.  And if you have something like Voltron: Legendary Defender that builds on that concept of the original series, takes the same characters and shapes them into something multi-layered and interesting except lance and hunk, add the increase in the animation budget, and get a team of writers that legitimately care about their jobs?  I’ve seen very little if any criticisms directed towards VLD by fans of the original series, and that’s stunning - yes Voltron has had worse reboots in the past so they’re probably more used to it, but still, I can’t think of any reboot or spinoff that hasn’t gotten some criticisms that say its worse than the original.  VLD is like, objectively considered better by 99.9% of the population, and that’s fascinating to me.  VLD is the best example of a reboot done right; it appeals to new fans (like me), old fans, and people who didn’t even like the original (like my dad).

But you dont have to remake the same concept either.  You can take it in a completely opposite direction, and you can get away with maybe not being quite as on-point and great at your writing as you should be, although you should still be better than the original in terms of wit and production quality or you’re doing it wrong.  Basically what I’m saying is that Teen Titans Go isn’t a doomed concept; taking a show in such a wildly different direction CAN work, and if TTG would stop trying to make callbacks to the original and stop insulting critics it would accomplish that a lot better but I digress.  Also Teen Titans was the wrong show to do it with based on what I’ve heard about how the original ends, but again, its not a doomed concept.  (Also TTGs animation should be just as good or better than the original; like the animation is actually not that bad in TTG, there’s some legitimate talent there [theres this screenshot in the special that they’ve been promoting like animals of a dragon that actually looks...really nice, I should go find it] and i feel bad that it’s not being used)  Meanwhile, the Powerpuff Girls 2016 reboot? is a doomed concept.  The PPG reboot does nothing to improve upon the original; the animation isn’t any better (maybe a little cleaner but thats it) despite the original ending well over a decade ago - like the animation of the new one is legitimately broken and its sad, the writing is significantly worse and just panders, its weaker and more hypocritical with its feminist message despite how far we’ve come in recent years, and it isnt trying to be anything new.  TTG knows what it wants to be - the PPG reboot just wants to be the original PPG but isn’t good enough to be that.

Spinoffs also need to add something to the original story.  Spinoffs get more leeway and creative freedom than reboots to be good or decent, but they need to have the same general spirit as the original or else they’re a failed spinoff.  If TTG was a spinoff of the original Teen Titans, it’d be arguably worse because it doesnt have the same spirit as the original and shouldn’t be considered part of the same universe.

EDIT: I take back everything I said about TTG being good, it’s apparently a fucking spinoff and not a reboot, so ignore that but my previous points still stand and also at least it IS trying to be SOMETHING.

Idk I feel like I’ve said this all before but...the reason I was thinking about this again is because I was wondering why DC comics (and probably Marvel characters too, like Spiderman if he counts as Marvel) give their superheroes the same stories to go through over and over.  Why would I want to watch Superman’s planet be destroyed again and again and again?  Why can’t we have an incarnation where Superman lands on another alien planet, or his planet is saved and he doesn’t have to be sent away?  Is that just...too un-superman for you?  Superman should be superman regardless of where you put him.  And if he isn’t, then he’s a piece of shit character.  Can you tell I dont like Superman very much?

But like...Batman.  Why can’t we have an incarnation of Batman his parents live?  Or he only looses one parent?  Or he ends up living with his grandparents?  Batman IS a distinctive enough character to be recognizable personality-wise without having to have “an orphan” in his character description.  Or hell, he can loose his parents, but why not do it in a different way?

Idk.  Honestly what I was actually thinking about is why they decided to make Terra suffer (at least) twice, and why they wouldn’t change her story up in the Teen Titans vs Justice League spinoff universe or w/e the fuck it is.  Idk much about super heroes sorry.  But anyways my point is that I cant stop thinking about Terra even when it seems like I’m thinking about something else, please send help I have a problem

[kingofthewilderwest]

Hi! I've read many of your posts and they're awesome! Think of this one! If the Dragon Riders were in a Modern AU what would be their hobbies? What kind of animals will their dragons be?

Thank you so much!

There have been lots of different interesting modern AUs whereby the dragons have become cats, dogs, or even horses. There’s some good appeal to each idea. Personally, I wouldn’t mind making the dragons based upon the creatures they were designed from; so, Toothless would be a cat, Stormfly a bird, Meatlug a dog, and... I guess Barf and Belch would be a snake and Hookfang a lizard or something.

Now for hobbies...

Hiccup

Hiccup is the inventive powerhouse of Berk. In a modern AU, Hiccup would likely be just as revolutionary - and the area where our greatest technological development is currently... is computers. I can easily imagine Hiccup as someone who constantly fiddles around with both computer hardware and software. He’s built his own machines. He knows how to program in multiple languages. I like to imagine modern!Hiccup as a techie who spends a lot of his hobby free time playing around with computers.

If we want, we could also suggest that Hiccup has other hobbies in other areas of invention and creating. Maybe Hiccup is decent at fixing cars, too, or at the very least knows the basics. Maybe he’s taken a woodworking class in high school. His high school physics projects were possibly a little over the top. If Hiccup enters any club at his high school, it’s the robotics club.

Another significant area of hobbies for Hiccup is going to be the arts. Hiccup is canonically a talented artist in the DreamWorks franchise. There’s no reason why Hiccup wouldn’t enjoy sketching and drawing in the modern world, too. His preferred art style is probably realism, with an emphasis of making the image more photorealistic as versus developing a recognizable artistic style. He’s probably drawn a lot on paper, but given as he loves the latest technology, does a bit with digital art, too.

I don’t think Hiccup would have gotten into sports. Stoick might have tried to put his kid into a few sports when he was younger, and maybe Hiccup tried some other sports on his own volition in the desperate attempt to appear “cool.” No success. Hiccup would not be an athlete growing up. The one potential area of exception is equestrian sports. Even if I do like Toothless as a cat best, there’s still something fun to be said about Hiccup having an ability to ride an animal extremely well in a modern AU. Hiccup could be quite talented riding horses, capable of competing in every event from jumping to dressage.

Astrid

Astrid, unlike Hiccup, is an accomplished athlete. She tried soccer/football at a young age and was pretty good at it. She stuck with it for a number of years until she switched to rugby. On top of that, Astrid has trained as a gymnast since she was very young, and also tried her hand at several martial arts. Even for sports she has not officially competed in, she still manages to perform impressively. She steals the day for informal volley ball matches she has with friends, and everyone wants her on their team for ultimate frisbee. Heck, she’s probably wrestled some of her friends to the ground on random occasions, too.

Astrid spends so much time on her academics and competitive sports that she doesn’t have too many hobbies outside of these. She’s never had the time and attention to develop her cooking skills, though on the rare occasion she tries to make eggnog, everyone in the family runs frantically away.

Snotlout

Snotlout in the DreamWorks franchise seems to be accomplished with the needle. Maybe this translates to a modern world, too; Snotlout actually knows how to cross-stitch and work a sewing machine and knit scarves (which he always claims are made by his aunt, not him).

Snotlout also mentions working out in the first HTTYD movie. I bet Snotlout loves going to the gym to lift weights and tone his hot body several times a week. He’s probably not that talented at actual team sports (despite trying to sign up and show off on a few of the most popular sports), but he can make up for his embarrassing year of football by lifting impressively at the gym. Well, he thinks it’s impressive, anyway. And it’s not bad. Though... Astrid can outlift him.

Fishlegs

DreamWorks’ biggest nerd will be a nerd in the modern world, too. To be honest, Fishlegs’ hobbies are really easy for me to imagine!

Fishlegs plays Magic: The Gathering and has even been to a few local tournaments. He knows all the ins-and-outs of the game, the most expensive cards, the best tactics, you name it. You get him started talking about MTG... and he won’t shut up for another few hours. He’s also a huge video game lover and can be seen on the PC or console several hours a day. Especially, he’s obsessed with League of Legends.

Fishlegs enjoys watching nerd culture movies and knows a decent amount of comic book material. He’ll watch superhero movies and get into debates about which hero would beat who in what sort of competition. You’ll find him at the occasional local comic or sci-fi convention. Star Wars, Star Trek, Firefly, Teen Titans... he’s enjoyed them all.

In high school, Fishlegs enjoyed a few academic competitions, especially in the sciences. I am sure he’s participated in both Science Bowl and Science Olympiad. He’s probably gotten a few medals from Science Olympiad at both the regionals and state level... maybe even making it to the national competition.

It’s also fairly easy for me to see Fishlegs as a band geek and/or orch dork.

Tuffnut

Tuffnut also seems to know a bit about needlework given comments in RTTE. He also seems to like interior decorating and other such things. Perhaps in the modern world Tuffnut has a good eye for fabric and tailorsmanship, too. I’m going to suggest this not so much because it’s in his character but because it’s amusing to consider: but Tuffnut making cosplay. That could be entertaining. Or maybe it’s just unusually elaborate Halloween costumes? It’s a holiday he and Ruffnut get a little too engrossed in.

I don’t imagine Tuffnut being involved in too many activities, especially not formal clubs or extracurriculars. However, there’s one exception: theatre. Tuffnut adores theatre, and I’m sure he’s auditioned for a few roles at his local high school. Even when it’s just English class and the teacher assigns the students into groups to act out a Shakespeare scene, Tuffnut gets... overdramatic and involved.

It’s not exactly a “hobby” but I’m sure that Ruffnut and Tuffnut spent many hours together enacting pranks at school.

If Tuffnut got involved in a sport, it’d be figure skating. He’d go for the figure skating; Ruffnut would go for the hockey.

Ruffnut

Like Astrid, I could also imagine Ruffnut as a rugby player. Ruffnut is fierce, downright fierce, at the sport. There’s no fear. There are times that Ruffnut gets irritated and jealous that her teammate Astrid receives a lot of the credit - Astrid is a bit more popular than Ruffnut - but Ruff’s coach is fully aware of how bold and dedicated a player the Thorston twin is.

When Ruffnut enters college, she finds herself participating in some extreme experiences. She’s gone bungee jumping and skydiving multiple times and has greatly enjoyed both experiences.

[brightlotusmoon]

LOL, my salt is showing on Facebook. But people are already whining and tantruming about the 2018 series, so *blows raspberry* A guy on Facebook said this: “Just to clarify before people freak out and start going crazy: 1. The TMNT series that is on Nick right now is ENDING after Season 5 episode 20. It’s NOT being cancelled. 2. One of the character designers for Samurai Jack will be working on the brand new 2018 series. 3. As of right now the new series is planned for a Fall 2018 release with 26 Eps already planned .4. The new series will NOT be a continuation of the series that’s on right now.” Predictably, people were like: “Fuck that, 2012 is the best” “Nope, it’ll be stupid like Teen Titans Go, I’ll hate it.” “I hate how Samurai Jack looks, I hope it’s not like that.” “I’m not gonna watch because 2012 is the one and only.” Aaannd then there’s me: “I have been stressing this everywhere. No, there is no news on voice actors. They will probably employ new ones. The series is on its own, and when they say “light-hearted” and “with more humor” they may possibly imply that there will be silly jokes and not necessarily total Kiddie Appeal the way the 1987 Fred Wolf series went. (Fun fact: In 1999, I spoke to the head writer of the 1987 show, David Wise, who was the one who changed Michelangelo into the stereotypical surfer dude who craved weird pizza toppings and acted immature and less intelligent. Originally, in the Mirage comics, Mikey was street-smart, clever, empathic, witty and very insightful. He loved having fun, he was a wild card, he was an eternal optimist, and he was almost as wordy as Donatello. He was a little bit self-centered, but he was the heart of the group and took his duties seriously. David turned him into the “stupid” stereotype who was almost painful to watch. I had to have Words with him. Not like it mattered. There’s a great example of changing a character in a franchise. I’ll never know why Peter Laid approved.) But the moral of the story is that we don’t know how it will turn out and we should probably not speculate too much until we get more information. It might be as good as 2012 in its own way. It might be a clone of “Teen Titans Go” and be terrible. However, since one of the producers had worked on the Nick show, we will probably see our favorite characters still being themselves. Please don’t groan and moan just yet, save it for when we have more details. Remember, you don’t have to watch, and if you do watch, you could create a blog where you can rant and yell and complain, like many do. Maybe it is because I’m in my late 30s and my birthday is next month which means I’m close to 29 years in the fandom. But have seen every iteration, every remake, every version. The only one I refuse to speak of is “Next Mutation” which never should have existed. But I really adore 2012 and IDW, I personally feel they are the best portrayals. Many might disagree and cite 2003 (it’s awesome, but poor Mikey wound up an egotistical butt monkey and it hurt me). But 2018 is very unknown, so we can’t argue about it.” Don’t make me pull out receipts from conversations with people behind the scenes of Mirage, Nick 2012, Archie, and IDW (I have friends in weird places, it’s weeiird). I don’t wanna snap at teenagers and people in their early twenties whose prefrontal cortexes are still developing. Look, you can say what you want, but when producers, writers, and even the creators are like, “No, actually we never did it the way you insist, but hey, it's been a long time and everything is open to suggestion, I won’t stop you” it’s a good idea to sit down and start writing headcanons. This is what AU fanfiction is for, guys!

[guardians-of-iselda]

August Wrap Up:

August was a surprisingly good month for reading, despite being very busy for me as I move house and start a new job. I read 8 books, 4 volumes of a manga and started on a graphic novel, which is the most I’ve read in a single month since probably high school. Who knew a long commute would pay off like that?

So without further ado, let’s talk about the books:

Call Me by Your Name by Andre Aciman

I read this in preparation for the movie and liked it. I gave it 3 stars on Goodreads and have a spoilery review of it. This book follows Elio, a 17 year old Italian boy who develops a relationship with a 24 year old grad student named Oliver who is staying at his house for the summer. This book is very literary, the writing style is poetic, we are trapped in Elio’s head for the whole novel, and time is a loose concept. It’s worth a read, but I personally expected more.

Star Wars Aftermath by Chuck Wendig

This is the third and final book in the Aftermath series, and concludes the story-line of Nora’s crew. Another 3 star read, and I also have a rambley review on Goodreads. There are elements in this book I liked more than in the other 2, but overall this still wasn’t great. The fact that the crew was apart yet again really wore on me, since not all characters are equal. In this case I only really cared about Sinjir and Mon Mothma, and sadly, they weren’t the main plot. I have an entire section on Rax and his terrible, wasted potential of a story-line, and while I didn’t dislike it, it was not my favorite book in the series. 

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo

I read this book on a whim, was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed it. It’s a YA fantasy, following Alina Starkov who is a map maker in the First Army of the Kingdom of Ravka. After she saves her best friend’s life during an attack, she gets ushered in the life of the Second Army composed by Grisha; powerful and beautiful sorcerers, serving the Darkling.

This is definitely a foundational book, and it has a lot to set up, and therefore a lot of problems. The world-building is by far the best part of this series, since the Grishaverse is a unique blend of technology and magic, inspired by Slavic folklore. The world has a very Attack on Titan feel, and anyone who knows me, knows that I love the first season of the anime. The characters are solid, especially Alina. 

The problems come in with the pacing and the plot: the pacing is uneven and the plot is pedestrian; we have seen all of this before. There is a love triangle that is tolerable, but if you don’t like romance as a driving force in fantasy, this may not be the series for you.

Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo

This book was my lowest rated in the series at two stars. Everything that bothered me in the first book was heightened in this one. The pacing was terrible, parts of the plot felt very slow and parts just flew by. We are introduced to more new characters but none of them get any real development or time to shine, and that romance…

Look, I can tolerate a love triangle, but in this book it was a love quadrant. The new addition serves only to complicate things and make Mal’s life miserable, which is sad, because by himself Nikolaj is a good character! 

There is a scene in this book that is literary a rip off of Fight Club, I screamed when I read it, it was that terrible. None of the supporting characters are developed and even established characters like Alina lose a lot of their agency because of the plot.

Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo

Talk about whiplash: this book was excellent. Everything I disliked about books 1 and 2 was fixed in this. It’s almost a 5 star read, almost. The pacing improves, the characters get developed, with actual personalities and rapport and the villain actually feels like a villain! The stakes get higher, Alina has to make some actually hard decisions and the world changes. The ending and the terrible twist are what really stop me from giving this 5 stars, but it’s a massive, almost impressive improvement.

Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins

 I DNF’d this book, but I feel like it would be wrong not to mention it, since I mentioned Divergent last month.

Maybe I just wasn’t in the mood for this (I tried reading it between SaB and SaS), or maybe it really sucked as much as I felt it did. Either way, I found the story more interesting in concept than execution, the changing perspectives were incredibly confusing, especially since they are all in first person (and I know that’s the whole point, but it was really hard to keep track of whose narration we were following) and none of the characters were likable enough for me to care for them. I gave it a star. 

Berserk vol 1-3 by Kentaro Miura

By the time this post goes up, I have most likely not finished vol 4, but I will probably finish it if not by the end of August then like the first few days of September. 

I have wanted to read Berserk for ages, ever since I watched the anime as a young teen. That ending destroyed me, and I was traumatized for years, I swear. The manga is similar in that it’s a very dark fantasy, following (for the first 3 volumes) Guts almost exclusively. He is a very interesting protagonist, tiptoeing on the line between being a completely irredeemable asshole and a tragic, likable antihero. I loved the first 3 volumes, especially 3, which ends with a horrifying cliffhanger (that is partly the reason why I haven’t really cracked down on vol 4). If I have one complaint, it’s: why in hell does Puck keep following Guts around? He’s so abusive to the little fairy, it makes me really think that Puck might be either a masochist or an idiot. 

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo 

This book was so amazing, I’m still in shock. Like I’m not going to lie, it’s rare that I come across a book that is so well written and so engaging that I can’t think of a single reason to dock points off. And to add to that, the plot and the characters are like, designed to appeal to me, who is in love with Heist movies, criminal masterminds and anyone who remotely resembles/sounds like Tommy Shelby. 

What’s this book about? Glad you asked. It’s a heist story following a group of six people, lead by Kaz Beckker aka Dirtyhands. They are hired to break into the most secure place in the Grishaverse; the Fjerdan Royal Palace. I’d urge you to read it, but who am I kidding, you probably already have and I’m just late to the party. 

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

This is the sequel to Six of Crows and it’s as good as the first book. It follows our gang where we left them off, facing impossible odds to beat the Merchant Counsel, the Die Lions, and the Shu, Fjerdan and Ravkan delegations all looking for the same thing the broke into the Ice Court for. I

The characters which were amazing in the first book are even better here (for the most part) and the world and stakes are greatly expanded. Not a 5 star read for me personally, but I still loved it, and if you want to know more about my thoughts, my Goodreads is linked at the bottom. 

Now for what I plan on reading in September: 

Black Monday Murders by Jonathan Hickman 

I already started this and am up to issue 4. This is a really strange series, following the children of demons, who are also part of 2 recently fused schools of economics who have been involved with all the major crashes in the market since the Great Depression (and maybe even earlier). 

There is satanism, demonology, economics, murder and time-hopping, and so far the main characters seem to be a professor, Alexei, the twin sister of one of the heirs in the company, and a detective whose grandma was a voodoo practitioner. It’s fascinating, but like all of Jonathan Hickman stuff it’s very complex and hard to get into. The art is gorgeous and I’m curious to see where this series will go. 

Dream Thieves by Maggie Stiefvater

This was on the TBR for July, but i never got around to it because of Grisha (I’m sorry Blue, it just happened). So everything I said before stays: this is the second book in the Raven Boys series, which follows a group of four boys and a girl while searching for a fabled Welsh King. It’s magical realism and from what I read of the sample, this book with focus more on Ronan, and he was my favorite character in the Raven Boys.

Eragon by Christopher Paolini

So I’ve already read this, but I read it years ago, when I was just first getting into fantasy. I remember being obsessed with the first three books, especially the first 2. I think I read Brisingr halfway and then just never finished it because my dad read it first and he said the ending sucked. But now, with years passed and the whole cycle being out, I really want to get back into this series. And Eragon is a fast read so I don’t see why I couldn’t read this.  

Now the next 3 books are a stretch, because they are all heavy high fantasy and I don’t know whether I’ll get to all of them (or whether I’ll be able too, my brain might get fried)

Nevernight by Jay Kristoff

This is an adult fantasy following a girl named Mia who watched her father get hanged for treason and joins a cult like assassin’s guild to avenge him. Honestly, sold. I read the prologue when I bought this book and it looked heavy, but exactly the type of realistic, gory fantasy that I’m into. I really hope I end up liking this book.

Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss

Another adult fantasy that I’ve heard is amazing. I follow Rothfuss on twitter and he’s a hilarious man, so I’m excited for this too. Again this seems like another heavy fantasy, and it follows this wizard who now runs an inn as he tells his life story starting from his childhood. From what I know the first book ends when he is still in/gets kicked out of university, but it still sounds amazing. I need to get into this series before there’s like 10 books out and I can’t catch up.

That’s all for August, and join me again in September!

My Goodreads

[eridianshores-blog]

The MCU vs the DCEU

Warning: There be spoilers ahead! The films Man of Steel, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, and Suicide Squad are discussed at length! Many of the films in the MCU are discussed in more general ways as well. Continue at your own risk!

Which do you like better?

I want to like what DC is doing better, but it’s pretty obvious that Marvel is doing the better job with its characters.  Honestly I wish Marvel had chosen a different set of characters to follow rather than the Avengers.  I get that there’s a lot of legal shit tangled up with all that, but it doesn’t change that I don’t see heroes like Iron Man, Hulk, Captain America, etc. as superstar heroes.  I think the X-Men would’ve been the strongest starting point - and for the record I’m not the biggest fan of the existing X-Men movies or the mega-focus on Wolverine.  However, I think the modern MCU approach towards the X-Men might’ve worked out alright.

Before we really get into it I guess I should clue you in as to my level of “experience.”  Throughout this entry I am talking purely about films - those that are official a part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and the DC Extended Universe.  I realize that Marvel’s TV shows take place in the same universe, but I haven’t seriously watched any of them so they’re excluded.  DC’s TV shows take place in an entirely separate universe (do they all even exist in the same one?) so obviously they’ll be left out of these talks as well.

I’ve seen all 3 DCEU films and I’ve seen them multiple times; I’d say I know them pretty well.  When it comes to the MCU though, I’m a little more in the dark.  I’ve seen Avengers 1 & 2 several times along with Civil War.  I’ve also watched all 3 Iron Man’s, Hulk, the first Thor, and Guardians of the Galaxy.  I know, I’ve missed a lot, but I do feel like I’ve seen enough of the earlier films to say what I want to say here.  Feel free to disagree or tell me where a movie directly contradicts something I’ve said, I’m cool with it.  Honestly I wouldn’t mind seeing the rest of the MCU movies just to see them, but most of them are still $20 and I’m not ready to shell out a couple hundred bucks for movies that I know I probably won’t love.

I would safely say that it’s difficult to discuss this “Golden Age” of superhero movies without at least acknowledging what came before.  I’m familiar with a lot of the older stuff, such as the first 4 Batman films, the first 4 Superman films, and Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy, plus other random oddities like Spawn, Steel, Blade, and probably others I can’t remember. My knowledge is patchy when it comes to those early years of superhero movies where all kinds of shit was cranked out: Daredevil, Elektra, those couple of Punisher flicks, Hellboy, Raimi’s Spider-Man’s, Sony’s Spider-Man’s, all those damn X-Men and Wolverine movies, Green Lantern, Green Hornet, the Fantastic Four movies, Catwoman, the Ghost Rider movies, and what might’ve been the best of all of them, Superman Returns.  I’ve actually seen a fair number of these in passing, and truthfully, it kind of turned me off to superhero movies by the time Marvel started figuring out what went right and what went wrong and started something new.

When it comes to the DC guys, I like a lot of the heroes they’ve chose to focus on better.  I mean you’ve got Batman and Superman, heroes who Marvel is hard-pressed to compete with.  I also like the idea of getting into Wonder Woman’s story.  Beyond that we’ve got a rich Bat-family which, if handled correctly, could be great to see onscreen: characters like Robin, Nightwing, Red Hood, Batgirl, Red Robin, the Outsiders, etc.  When it comes to potential, I think DC has a slight edge.  Now when it comes to actual execution, well, DC could learn a thing or two or three or four from the MCU.

A big reason why the MCU is so successful is because it started out slow, making easily digestible, standalone movies that basically anyone could sit down and follow from start to finish.  They didn’t rely on the viewer’s extant knowledge of the source material, they didn’t over-extend themselves with complicated plot lines, and they weren’t too heavy-handed with placing references to future films.  Most of them are also fairly light-hearted and don’t take themselves too seriously, further increasing their appeal across multiple demographics.

The plots of these early movies have never been anything stunning; instead, the focus of the films has been largely on characterization.  I will admit that, for the most part, the various writers and directors have done a pretty good job at achieving this goal.  By the time the first ensemble film rolls around we’ve developed a decent rapport with most of the characters...there’s some unevenness that’s not beyond criticism, but the intent is clear and by the time everyone is on screen together it feels more or less natural.

Moving back over to the DCEU for a minute, they haven’t done anything close to the MCU’s approach, except for possibly Man of Steel, although it was tonally different than the standalone(ish) MCU movies (we’ll get to that soon). In defense of the DCEU, I’ve heard some say, “well they don’t have to do it like Marvel does!”  Obviously they don’t have to, but the problem is that DC is so blatantly and desperately trying to get themselves where the MCU already is minus a dozen or so films.

Let’s break it down real quick: Man of Steel was a pretty good flick in my opinion.  I’d probably say it’s the best Superman film so far.  Say what you want about the old Donner films, but they’ve become quite dated over the years and the bar for superhero movies has risen well above spandex and Hackman’s cartoonish version of Lex Luthor.  The movie is a little too long and structured oddly, but it’s one of those things that makes a lot more sense the second time around.  Unfortunately, as the beginning of the DCEU, it shouldn’t take repeated viewings to “get it.”  

Already Man of Steel is a) not easily digestible, b) over-extending itself, and c) not light-hearted at all.  Personally I think some of the “Clark Kent wanders the earth” scenes should’ve been cut, and the rest of them should’ve been put in order to give us a more linear experience.  As it is, apart from the spectacular intro sequence, the first half of the movie jumps between present day and some random point in Superman’s past as a child / teen / young adult on earth.  I think it’s actually a pretty good origin story, it’s just too jumpy to get into and the non-linear format is going to be a huge turn off to most moviegoers.  Normally I don’t give a shit about what appeals to “most moviegoers,” but the problem is that this format doesn’t seem to be done for any real reason.  I think it would be more interesting to watch Superman grow into his powers over the years and go through these changes with him rather than the scattershot backstory we’re given.

It’s not all bad though.  MoS differs from the MCU in one important way: the darker tone.  I said that the MCU could attribute part of its success to the lighter flavor of their films and I still believe that, but for me personally, I like the darker and more serious feel of Man of Steel.  Call me crazy, but if it was up to me, all this shit would be straight up R-rated, no holds barred, balls-to-the-wall crazy shit.  I know it would destroy the commercial viability of the films, this is just what I’d prefer from a purely artistic standpoint.  Anyway, the DCEU has caught criticism for not being as “fun” as the MCU, but I see this as a good thing.  I just don’t care for all the wisecracks and one-liners from Tony Stark or the fish-out-of-water giggles courtesy of Captain America, or the Sam Jackson-ization of Nick Fury...I know a lot of folks eat this shit up but it isn’t for me.  I don’t mind some subtle humor or the insertion of an honest to God good joke, but lightening the mood just to, well, lighten the mood, feels like pandering to all the wrong fans.

Man of Steel is a somber film.  Superman is genuinely confused about his place in the world.  He watches his adoptive father die.  He deals with surviving Kryptonians who attempt to embrace him only to find that he doesn’t share their ideals, yet earth isn’t ready to accept him either.  We get a lot of inner conflict from this guy who’s basically invincible.  If you can forgive or at least look past the missteps in pacing and structure, there’s a very human story at the movie’s core about acceptance and identity.  And this is where the serious tone makes all the difference.  When the film takes itself seriously, I take it seriously.  In the MCU, it’s hard for me to truly accept that the end of the world is on the way when we’re being treated to sarcastic quips and sight gags involving Iron Man’s armor.

Until now, I’ve only addressed the first half of MoS.  The second half is well worth the wait and one of the most worthy climaxes of any superhero film to date.  I love that Superman is up against a real threat - Zod turns out to be Superman’s equal; his inexperience with earth’s environment is compensated by his tremendous combat skills and military training.  Some have criticized the battle as overly long, but I think it’s awesome.  I also think it’s clearer and less muddled than some of the big MCU fights, namely those in Avengers and Avengers 2.  The way these 2 titans decimate Metropolis is spectacular.

A lot of people criticize Superman’s killing of General Zod, saying stuff like, “why didn’t he just cover Zod’s eyes,” or a number of other things.  I hopped on this bandwagon for a while, but then I got to thinking, and I think the point of the gesture was to show that nothing short of death was going to stop the General.  Whether it was today or tomorrow or in 200 years, Zod was a zealot who would never, ever stop.  Maybe Superman didn’t have to kill Zod right that second, but I think that in that moment, Superman realized there was no other way for this to end, especially after the already monumental loss of life.  Alternatively, maybe the DCEU Superman is OK with killing in some circumstances...I don’t know that we’re ever treated to a scene where Superman vows never to take a life.  Batman’s behavior in BvS lends some possible credence to this theory, as he very plainly takes the lives of some of the thugs in the car chase.

Besides the increased seriousness over the MCU, another plus in the Man of Steel column is the presence of a strong villain who drives the plot.  General Zod was a fantastic villain precisely because he didn’t see himself as a “bad guy.”  He saw himself as a visionary, a pioneer, the savior of an extinct race, the one avenue of possibility that his people had of living on.  And can we really blame him?  Would the last (or one of the last) humans simply shrug their shoulders in resignation about the death of their species, culture, society, everything?  If there was any possibility, wouldn’t they at least entertain the thought?  What if the last human landed on a planet full of ants and could potentially bring back the human race at the cost of all the ants’ lives?  What if it was a planet full of dogs?  Gorillas?  Homo erectus?  Where do you draw the line?

In some ways Zod’s arc was one of tragedy, aside from what could be considered treason back on Krypton.  (Although sometimes there is a very fine line between sedition and patriotism.)  General Zod didn’t fight for himself, or for power, or for material gain, he fought for the rebirth of his people.  Sure, he didn’t mind killing all of earth’s population to do so, but this was just a side-effect of terraforming; I don’t think it’s necessarily a case of Zod being hellbent on destroying humanity just for the hell of it.

Now Man of Steel doesn’t exactly go out of its way to portray General Zod as a sympathetic character, and I guess that’s OK...I think the most important thing to take away from the film is that the writers actually spent some time on General Zod.  They took the time to develop him and give him some depth.  Movies in the MCU have very deliberately chosen to not focus on the villains except as a means to an end.  Loki is the closest thing we’ve ever really had to a well-developed antagonist.  If you look at the other bad guys - Whiplash, Ultron, Ronan, Abomination, Mandarin (ugh) - they’re as flimsy as a wet noodle and twice as forgettable.  I’m not saying we necessarily have to care about the villains, but the core conflict between hero and villain should be adequately explored.  Instead, the MCU seems more content to use bad guys as a way to tell us more about the good guys.  There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just that it seems like that’s all the villains are good for.

I even remember reading a statement from one of the directors or producers or some big-wig over at Marvel Studios where they said that these films weren’t about the villains, but that they were about the heroes.  Is this really the right way to go?  Could this be why the MCU films feel a little less than awesome to me?  I don’t need a film specifically about Whiplash or Ultron or whoever, but I do want the film to center on the conflict between hero and villain, and not on some other situation whereby the villain basically ends up being a consequence of whatever else is going on.  Marvel should know as well as anyone that heroes and villains do a lot to define each other, and I think they’re making a huge mistake by giving such unequal focus to the 2 parties.

This may also have something to do with Marvel’s picks not having the most memorable of villains.  One of their biggest cards - Thanos - has been teased for the last 8 years or so and everyone else has been sort of bleh.  (Though that’s not really an excuse; the MCU could make them not-bleh if they tried.)  Iron Man doesn’t have a Joker to go up against, Captain America doesn’t have an Apocalypse, etc.  I’d really like to see MCU change this as time goes on.  Sure, maybe we don’t know as much about these bad guys, but that’s precisely why Marvel should spend some time introducing these villains and fleshing them out.

Let’s shift back to DCEU’s shortcomings as we get into Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.  I don’t really know where to start with this one.  I appreciate the film’s ambition and scope, but the story is so choppy and muddled plus DC made a really weird decision to adapt this particular story/stories this early in their timeline.

Marvel quietly did its thing with the standalone flicks and established not only its characters but also the world in which they live.  The DCEU barely got started on this with MoS.  BvS picks up 18 months later and throws us smack into a whirlwind of plot threads where the only thing capable of keeping the viewer afloat is previous knowledge of the comics.  One thing I found 100% bizarre was that the entire film was predicated on the loss of life resulting from the battle between Superman and Zod.  What I don’t understand is how anyone can hold Superman responsible.  Yes, a shit ton of people died, but if Superman hadn’t done anything, it’s highly probable that everyone on the fucking planet would’ve died.  Even if some other random heroes came out of left field to stop Zod, he’d probably at least level Metropolis before they made any progress.  How can anyone even begin to blame Superman for the loss of life?  If Superman hadn’t done anything, all those same people would’ve died any damn way as Zod’s World Engine thoroughly raped the shit out of Metropolis.  Why the fuck does this point seem to be lost on every fucking person in BvS, especially Senator Finch and damn Batman!!??

Aside from the aforementioned stupidity, I can understand Batman’s trepidation about Superman.  He’s super powerful, we don’t really know much about him, and even though he basically saved the world, it’s still difficult to predict his future intentions or actions.  The film had some interesting subject matter to work with, but it’s really hard to put together a coherent story out of what’s going on.  We’re always jumping from one setting to another, maybe with different characters, we’ve got no clue how much time is passing, and we don’t really get any quality time with any of our characters.  It’s extremely hard to make an emotional connection with anyone in this film.

This next point hits at the DCEU on a deeper level, but it’s a point worth making.  Excuse my French, but quite frankly, DC blew its load way way way too damn early.  I guess I can understand DC’s decision not to want to produce the second Batman origin story inside of 10 or 11 years, but they didn’t have to jump forward 20 years into Batman’s career.  We’ve got 2 huge DC events wrapped into one here: The Dark Knight Returns / Batman vs. Superman, and the Death of Superman.  

Of all things, Ben Affleck as an older, hardened, more weathered Batman / Bruce Wayne actually works fairly well.  The problem is that he spends a lot more time as Bruce Wayne and we don’t get to know much about his whole Batman side.  Hell, we don’t even really spend any time in the Batman mythos - we’re fully steeped in Superman mythos and Batman is just sort of a “guest.”  The actual fight between the Dark Knight and the Man of Steel is viscerally satisfying, but the problem is that we don’t have any emotional investment in either of the characters.  Yeah, we’ve sortta bonded with Cavill’s version of Superman, and yeah, the film works very hard to make sure we understand Batman’s perception of Superman (even though we know he’s not the problem) so there’s some emotional resonance there, but it doesn’t achieve nearly what it could 4 or 5 years down the road and with a little more DCEU context to draw from.  Think about it: the stakes would be so much higher if we were 10 or 20 films deep and the possibility of Batman or Superman dying was more real.  But the death of such a giant so soon?  Not even.

Furthermore, we know that neither Batman or Superman is going to die (nor is one going to be responsible for the death of the other) this early in the DCEU, so in many ways the fight is predictable.  I mean I love Batman’s preparation and I love his ingenuity and I really dig that he basically won the fight, it just bugs me that there was so much more potential that’s ultimately been squandered forever.  However, we did get one amazing quote out of the whole thing and Affleck actually delivered it perfectly:  “Breathe in.  That’s fear.  You’re not brave.  Men are brave.  I bet your parents taught you that you mean something, that you’re here for a reason.  My parents taught me a different lesson, dying in the gutter, for no reason at all.  They taught me the world only makes sense if you force it to.  You were never a god.  You were never even a man.”

Then of course we have the big battle with Doomsday (who’s never quite named, Luthor simply introduces it to Superman as “your doomsday”), the stuff with Wonder Woman, the kryptonite spear blah blah blah and Superman apparently dies.  We all know damn well Superman isn’t dead (especially with the announcement of a Justice League film for God’s sake) so what the fuck is the point?  Why have him “die” when we know it isn’t real?  There’s no emotional impact.  It feels like nothing more than setup for another movie.  I mean seriously, the death of Superman could’ve been a big deal.  It could’ve been a major turning point in the DCEU...but instead, it’s just a wasted gesture.  The first time I saw BvS I sat there and thought why are they even including this!?  It’s not even like we think he’s not dead, or he’s probably not dead, or maybe he’ll come back one day...we straight up know that he’s not dead!  C’mon DCEU.  Seriously.

We’ve also glossed over a good deal of Batman’s backstory, which is why we really should’ve had some sort of DCEU Batman film to introduce him.  We know that the Joker has come and gone and we also know that Batman has become a little less idyllic and a little more disillusioned and less principled than the version we typically think of.  It’s very obvious that he’s already spent a long time fighting crime and that what he’s seen and done has had a profound effect on him.  This is not Batman in his prime.  This is Batman in his golden years.  Nothing wrong with that, but it just seems like a really strange way to introduce a character.  Of course the films can play with time and we can certainly have movies that take place earlier, but this could potentially make for a very messy shared universe.

The relationship between Batman and Alfred was also pretty lousy.  Batman was too old and Alfred was too young; there was no father-son chemistry between the two, it was more like Alfred was Batman’s hacker-sidekick.  Batman at his best is a lone wolf, and it’s through Alfred that we often learn a lot about who “Bruce Wayne” / Batman truly is.  The relationship here was poorly, poorly handled.

Jessie Eisenberg as Lex Luthor was the casting travesty that we all thought Affleck as Batman was going to be.  He’s squirrely, twitchy, nervous and neurotic...nothing like the charismatic business man that Luthor was.  Luthor was always a super-nerd underneath, but on the exterior he was smooth and debonair...this version is unlikeable to the core and worst of all, way too young.  The role itself was interesting enough and fit into the film appropriately; the problem is that the role just wasn’t Lex Luthor.

Forever ago I said that the early MCU films were good about not dropping too many setups and whatnot for future films.  Well in their desperation, DC filled BvS with this crap.  We get the whole Wonder Woman / Flash / Aquaman / Cyborg montage which was basically pointless. we get Wayne’s dream-sequence with Flash (durr huh?) and most egregious of all, every single scene with Wonder Woman.  I appreciate seeing Wonder Woman on screen as much as anyone, and I think she has great potential as the focus of a movie, but there is just no reason in the world for her to be involved in the events of BvS.  It’d be nice if we at least had some kind of bullshit reason why she got involved, but we don’t.  She’s just there for the audience to get familiar with and to do 99% of the Doomsday asskicking.  I mean she looked great and I enjoyed watching her hold her own against Doomsday, but that doesn’t change that she just didn’t really belong in the film.

The movie is better with repeated viewings, but it’s not as good as Man of Steel.  I still want to know why why why DC chose to inject some of its biggest moments into the DCEU so early.  Let’s get on to number 3...

DC chose to go in a really weird direction for its third outing.  Forget Batman and Superman, let’s take a bunch of third and fourth rate villains and make them the protagonists of the movie! Why oh why was this a starting point for...anything!?  We could’ve had a Batman movie dealing with the Joker and Harley; instead we have Harley’s introduction, but since Harley can’t really exist without the Joker, we have the Joker and Harley’s backstory sortta forcefully wedged into all this Suicide Squad stuff....even though the Joker has nothing to do with the Suicide Squad.  Had this been done correctly, we’d already know who Harley was, have no need for the Joker, and more time could’ve been spent on Suicide Squad’s simultaneously confusing and inept plot - maybe we could’ve even delved into the romance between Harley and Deadshot...?

It’s hard to give a shit about most of these people.  Captain Boomerang (I feel goofy just typing that) could’ve been introduced in a Flash movie.  Maybe we could’ve gotten a sort of “Bat-family” movie where we see Katana as a member of the outsiders and another Bat-villain like Deadshot or Killer Croc.  I feel like we should’ve been somewhat familiar with at least half the squad, and very familiar with at least 2 of ‘em.  Trying to mix origin stories and “team: assemble” plots is too much for a typical movie to handle.

The good news is that Suicide Squad starts off as something different and quirky.  We have the goofy intros, Amanda Waller’s ball-busting dialog, and an overall interesting perspective on the average superhero movie.  Oooh a watching a bunch of bad guys is gonna be fun but how are they gonna make us care about them?  Turns out that the movie has a hard time answering this question.  We had a pretty good movie on our hands up until the (first) helicopter crash and we spend 15 minutes watching everyone walk down 37 alleyways and talk to everyone else.  

Once the real fighting starts things become a little formulaic.  Deadshot and Flagg form some kinda insta-bond over God-knows-what with Deadshot saying shit like, “I gotcha back!”  Katana sides with the criminals despite professing that she isn’t one.  Harley, believing that the Joker is dead, decides the best place for her is the squad, despite being 100% free to go (since Joker disabled her neck explosive nanite thingy).  Croc says something that could almost be considered selfless and heroic when it’s time to plant the underwater bomb.  Seriously, we have all these hardened criminals who suddenly begin talking utter nonsense and copious amounts of cheese.  This total shit is laughably epitomized when Diablo, seconds before his self-sacrifice, says, “I already lost one family, I ain’t losin’ another!”  BWAHAHAHAHA what?

The movie skips straight from “expendable thugs” to “mildly heroic individuals, all capable of redemption” and skips the middle.  Suicide Squad really needed to break with convention to stay true to itself, and although it held for a while, unfortunately it slipped straight into the conventions that make this type of movie unsuccessful.  I can understand having one character capable of or in search of redemption - El Diablo - and one totally bad seed who just doesn’t get it - seems to be Boomerang judging by the ending - but this little mission doesn’t cure Harley of crazy, or diminish Deadshot’s capacity for killing strangers for money, or undo the lifetime of mistreatment that turned Croc to “Killer.”  It’s not just hokey, it’s bad writing.  And it’s made even worse after what was a largely successful first act.

Even if you push all that aside, we’re still left with DC’s penchant for crafting nonsensical plots.  Do we ever really get any explanation for all this shit with the Enchantress?  Waller keeps her heart in a box to control her but it doesn’t control her but she still needs it to destroy the world even though she’s already summoned her “brother” who seems perfectly capable of destroying the world himself.  Huh?  And why was what’s-his-name included?  Slipknot, that’s right...just to prove the nanite bombs work?  Just to prove that Waller and Flagg are basically just as sick, twisted, and cold-hearted as their team full of criminals?

And then there’s that scene when they “complete” their first mission, just to find Waller in a room surveilling...something.  What the hell did any of that even mean?  And then Waller just executes like 4 or 5 government employees for what reason?  I mean I just don’t understand any of that shit.  It doesn’t really bode well for the squad either, as it basically just pushes them all away - well, until Flagg somehow inspires them to be a team and get shit done - or what the fuck ever.

The showdown with Enchantress and her bro isn’t as dazzling as it should be.  First of all, from what we’ve seen of the pair and what they’re capable of, there’s no reason that they shouldn’t have been able to wipe the floor with at least half of the Suicide Squad before they even blinked.  Diablo’s Aztec-God Kotal Khan form was pretty damn convincing as a worthy adversary for the duo, but Harley and her baseball bat...?  Boomerang and some boomerangs?  Flagg and a gun?  What the fuck are they even doing here?  The Suicide Squad really should’ve gone up against something a little more human for their first outing.  Most of them are basically normal - crazy, but physiologically normal.  Croc has his strength, Katana has no inherent powers but she does have a somewhat mystic sword, Diablo of course has “real powers,” but the rest of them are just highly skilled at whatever.  And we’re supposed to buy that they went up against this 6,000 year old witch and prevailed with a few dead government red shirts and a couple of scratches?

I’m also not sure how much I agree with how the whole “Suicide Squad” concept is handled.  The whole point was that a bunch of ho-hum villains were thrown together to pull off crazy jobs for the government and that it didn’t really matter if they died because a) they’re bad guys, and b) they’re fairly insignificant bad guys.  We don’t really get a “real” death in the movie, at least not one that’s caused by the “dangerous mission” at hand.  Slipknot dies, but it’s just because he’s an idiot and because climbing / grappling is a stupid “power.”  Diablo also bites the dust, but it’s an act of self-sacrifice.  This goes back to what I just said in the previous paragraph, but couldn’t the Enchantress take a least one of them out in the heat of battle?  A quick blade through the chest?  Maybe one of those weird molten-metal-Matrix-tree-branch appendages from her brother?  Deadshot and Harley have too much star power to go down - I’ll accept that.  Boomerang is perhaps too worthless to matter, but what about Croc?  Isn’t he sort of a pained, tragic character?  Or what about Katana, crying at her sword-imprisoned-husband before battle?  Oooh ooh or how about Flagg? Then we could have another stupid moment where we find out how much the team respected him or some shit.  Really, I just wish someone had gotten the axe because right then, right there, on that day, Enchantress (or her bro) got the better of them.

Suicide Squad is full of logic holes and blatantly pathetic writing.  It’s one of those films where I want it to be better than it is, but if I’m honest with myself I know it just can’t get there.  This might be one of the coolest concepts so far in either the MCU or DCEU, and it’s a shame it couldn’t be any more fun and original than it was.  This is a movie that really needs a foundation to build off of, and the DCEU hasn’t yet laid any of the necessary groundwork.  And like BvS, we get odd little clues to a universe as-yet-to-be-revealed to us, such as during Harley’s intro where we’re flat out told that Robin has been murdered, presumably by the Joker, with Harley as an accomplice.  DC!  Why you do this!?  You could make a fantastic, poignant, widely discussed film where Robin freakin’ dies!!!  Will we get that?  Who the hell knows.  But even if we do, the surprise is already ruined, because we know that at some point, in this universe, at least one iteration of Robin dies.  See what I mean about DC blowing their load too early?

I think - assuming DC was just hell-fucking-bent on an ensemble “assemble” flick - they should’ve given us the Teen Titans.  I know the Titans have some unfamiliar faces, but not any worse than the Suicide Squad I would think.  Anyway, a Teen Titans movie would've been a great intro to Robin (wherever the hell he fits in...), and since the other members are a little more unfamiliar, the movie could’ve simply introduced them without the audience feeling like complicated backstories full of exposition via flashbacks were necessary.  It would also introduce us to Cyborg, which can only be a good thing going into the upcoming Justice League film without much information on anyone.  With a Teen Titans film in place, maybe DC would push the Justice League film back a couple of years (to keep from being repetitive) and in the meantime we could get proper standalone films for Batman, Flash, and Aquaman, as well as perhaps a proper follow-up to BvS (all in addition to the upcoming scheduled Wonder Woman movie).  These films could’ve also introduced - at the very least - Deadshot, Harley (and Mr. J), and Captain Boomerang (and at the most Katana and Croc as well), which would then provide an appropriate segue into a Suicide Squad film!  Ta-da!  Ain’t that plan grand?

Ahh...now we get to this part.  I think most Batman fans and cinephiles alike were just holding their breath until the inevitable next Joker.  Ok, maybe it wasn’t as urgent as actual breath-holding, but damn near everyone was blown away by Ledger’s performance and they knew that one day, sooner or later, someone else would don the white face paint.  Whether you creamed your pants over Ledger’s version of the Joker is pretty much irrelevant at this point - the point is that Ledger’s Joker has become the de facto standard for the character, almost instantaneously influencing the Joker’s portrayal in video games, comics, cartoons / animated features, and beyond.  Ledger took the character from “weird clown guy” to a dark and dirty place, filled with chaos and mystery.  And whether or not the next Joker would be “better” or “worse” than Ledger, one thing was for sure: it was going to be different.

And lo, Jared Leto, who you might remember from Requiem for a Dream or My So-Called Life or maybe even the crazy-ass Mr. Nobody (or the band 30 Seconds to Mars), ended up with the green hair and purple suit. [Sighs]  I don’t know what I think of this version, and I’ll tell you why.  First of all, it’s difficult to label him as an essential piece of Suicide Squad, and a big character like this hanging around on the outskirts leaves the audience feeling one of two ways: a) we should be seeing a lot more of him, or b) why the hell is here in the first place?  More often than not I find myself leaning towards Option B.  It doesn’t really have anything to do with the performance; rather, it has to do with his scenes feeling forced into a movie just so the movie can say, “look, it’s the Joker!”  On some level I get that we “needed” Harley’s backstory, but on the other hand, we weren’t treated to the same level of backstory when it came to Deadshot or K.C. or Captain fucking Boomerang.  

The other fundamental with Leto’s Joker as he exists right this moment is that he has virtually no connection with Batman.  The whole point of the Joker is to act as the antithesis to Batman - Batman is the hero who looks like a villain, Joker is the villain who looks, at the very least, like an innocent clown (I know, not really, but if we weren’t so heavily inundated with Joker’s appearance, the connection between “clown” and “innocence” would be more obvious) - Batman is meticulous and methodical and exacting, the Joker is reckless, wild, and impulsive - and then what really worries Batman is that part of him likes beating the shit out of bad guys, and part of him knows that “Bruce Wayne” is the real mask, and he sees those aspects of himself in the Joker, and it’s immensely threatening for him to think of himself as so close to a line that he considers the Joker to have already crossed.  Alright that was long-winded and poorly structured but the point is that Batman and Joker are peas in a pod, and it’s difficult to enjoy / understand the Joker without viewing it through his conflict with Batman.  I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I am saying that we need to be properly introduced to the Joker via Batman before we start trying to follow Joker sans Batman.

And last but not least we move on to Leto’s actual portrayal and interpretation of the Joker.  From what I’ve seen so far, I have some really mixed feelings about it.  Remember the conversation in Tropic Thunder about “going full retard?”  If not, go YouTube it and watch the scene - it’s a quick scene where one actor explains to another that he’s never going to win an Oscar by “going full retard” and then uses examples from actual cinema, his advice ultimately being that, even when playing a “retarded person,” you can’t go “full retard.”  My explanation is not a substitute; go watch the scene!  Replace “retard” with “crazy” and you’re approaching what I think about Leto’s Joker.  So far, it feels like Leto is going “full crazy” which just ain’t gonna work.  We’ve got to have something to latch onto besides all out batshit crazy (pun intended).  For instance Ledger’s Joker was devious and, whether he was completely conscious of it or not, he had an excellent understanding of human emotion and behavior.  Need proof?  How about his manipulation of others with his ever-changing and equally disturbing “origin” stories?  Or forcing Batman to choose between Rachel and Dent?  Or switching the detonators on the boats?  Or his little pep-talk with Dent where Two-Face was basically birthed?  In some ways he’s got that whole “insane-genius” thing going on...but I’m really, really not seeing that spark of “genius,” however heinous and depraved as it may be, in Leto’s iteration of the character.

I will reserve full judgement until we’re able to see more of the character, but so far it just seems like we’re getting Leto’s personal version of “weird” and while distinctive and memorable, I’m not sure if it’s enough to carry this version of the character to greatness.  Another point of contention is the new Joker’s apparent penchant for stereotypically gang-like activities.  I mean he’s hanging out in the club, all blinged out, driving the (alleged) Lambo...for all intents and purposes he’s a street thug.  Maybe a totally bizarre street thug, but still a street thug.  Maybe this approach could’ve worked prior to Ledger’s Joker but now...well now I think the audience expects more, much more.  Having a materialistic and vain Joker just doesn’t feel right nowadays.  Granted Suicide Squad doesn’t show us much and there could be several other explanations behind the club scene besides the Joker acting as some sort of Godfather (which is kinda what it looks like), but it’s still hard to imagine our current Joker looking like part of a hip-hop entourage while our previous Joker burns gigantic piles of money.

Man, ok, I know I flew the hell off topic there with Suicide Squad...I guess I had more to say about it than I thought.  Like I said though, I want so badly for it to be a better movie than it really is.

I guess by pointing out all these issues with Suicide Squad I’ve by default discussed why and how the DCEU is so far behind the MCU.  To sort of start wrapping things up here, I think DCEU is in a lot of trouble.  While I can 100% appreciate the ambition behind all 3 of their in-universe films, they’re full of systemic issues that Marvel has gotten around by simply taking their time and building something from the ground up.  DC seems to be doing too much from the top down, and I fear that the upcoming Justice League movie will be just as problematic; sure, we’ll know Wonder Woman better by then, but we still won’t know much more about Batman or Superman and we’ll have at least 3 other characters to juggle for the first time (Cyborg, Aquaman, Flash) if not more.

If you’ve read this far, then I’m positive you’re aware that both Marvel and DC have a lot of TV shows on the air as well as many others planned.  Marvel has smartly decided that their TV shows will also take place in the MCU.  This is great - it leaves the door wide open...if each and everything little thing doesn’t connect, that’s ok, because that’s how universes work.  However, if the situation permits, they’ve got an assload of material to work with should they choose to do something epic and massively rewarding for fans.  DC, well, DC is just being a dumbass about it all.  They’ve got lots of shows - Gotham, Supergirl, Arrow, Flash, probably more on the way (something based around the “Birds of Prey” I think?  or is that already a thing...?).  DC has a perfect, golden opportunity to play catch-up within this medium, but what do the do?  Drop the fucking ball.  They’ve said conclusively that the TV shows do not take place in the same universe as the films; furthermore, they seem to be on the fence or downright confused as to whether or not all of the TV shows are happening in the same universe.  If I remember correctly, there was some sort of Flash / Supergirl crossover but instead of treating it as a full-fledged crossover, the pulled some comic book trickery and said some shit about one show existing within “Earth-2,” implying that the visiting show was outside the “normal” continuity of the home show.  How fucked up is that?  And why?  Wouldn’t it actually be easier to sit down and work out the connections from the beginning rather than doing what the fuck ever year after year and completely destroying what could be a built in fan base for all DC-related / inspired media...?

As painful as it is to watch DC dig this hole, I’m equally interested in how the MCU is going to grow and evolve in the next couple of years, particularly as this “first generation” of heroes gives way to a new group.  Now in a comic book the writers can keep on cranking out Iron Man stories one after the other for years on end, but somehow I don’t think the MCU will work out this way.  The simple fact is that we’re not going to be following Iron Man and Cap and Thor and Hulk and whoever else indefinitely.  Maybe one of these days these sorts of franchises will become so incredibly lucrative that these companies will “breed” and groom actors to play a certain role indefinitely, but I think I can comfortably assert that reasonably well known actors like Downey Jr. and Evans and Hemsworth and Jackson don’t want to be associated with these characters for the rest of their careers.  I’m sure the paycheck is nice, but from an artistic perspective, these guys and gals are going to want to move on at some point, whether it’s 3 or 9 or 16 movies down the road.  

I sincerely hope the MCU can keep the momentum going but I do have some doubts...after all, our A-team (both actors and heroes) of Iron Man, Thor, Cap, and Hulk got knocked back a few notches between Age of Ultron and Civil War - compare the previous cast the the “new” team of Avengers: Cap, Vision, Scarlet Witch, and Falcon.  

I guess you can count Hawkeye and Black Widow in there somewhere, but honestly, I’ve got 3 words for those 2 characters: dead fucking weight.  And really, Johansson is way too damn hot to be thrown in the background set on “dual-wield” while Hulk runs up buildings and Thor obliterates giant bio-organic floating skeleton creatures with a hammer and Stark whizzes around popping off plasma bolts and Cap sets his shield to physics = null.  C’mon Marvel, she’s freakin' gorgeous and all you can do is put her in dumb scenes with the Hulk, who is easily the least interesting Avenger outside of battle.

I digress.  For the record Margot Robbie was insanely hot in Suicide Squad - 50% of that is just ‘cause she’s a good looking chick, but the other 50% that really sets my loins aflame is the whole kinderwhore-inspired look.  (For the record, she also played Jordan Belford’s (Leo DiCaprio) wife in Wolf of Wall Street and she was pretty damn hot there as well (I didn’t know that was her until I specifically looked up what else she’d been in)...but the kinderwhore-ish look just pushed her into a whole other realm of fucking sexy.)  But then of course you get into that whole “2-kinds-of-hot” thing...Robbie, Suicide Squad version, is hot in that, “agh I want to fuck that right now” sort of way, whereas Johansson - although most absolutely definitely fuckable - also has that sort of classic beauty about her.  In addition to being very sexually attractive, she’s just pleasant to look at.  A chick can definitely be of the former variety without possessing qualities of the latter, but I’m not sure I can think of any time where the latter doesn’t also possess the sex appeal aspect...it may not be as urgent or immediate, but it’s still there.

Still digressing.  Most of this post is one big digression.  I apologize and applaud anyone who’s made it this far.

Let’s finish this up, shall we?  I’ve been writing this for days upon days and I got other cool toy shit I want to hurry up and write about before I forget it.

In summation, I will continue to keep faith in the DCEU, at least for another couple years worth of movies.  I like what Marvel is doing and I think they’ve landed on a workable formula, the problem is that I’m just not tripping over myself to see films about Ant-Man or Doctor Strange or even guys like Iron Man and Thor, simply because I’ve never really been that interested in them.  I mean I guess it depends on who you are and what you were exposed to, but as a kid I was interested in other heroes and really, even the big shots like Iron Man, were more or less just characters I knew of in passing.  Perhaps the MCU isn’t doing enough to make these characters interesting - perhaps these characters just don’t have the same built-in appeal as Spider-Man or Batman, etc.

When these MCU films start dropping in price and I can start loading up on 3 - 5 movies for $7.50 - $12 at Walmart, I'll be glad to give them a fair shake in the comfort of my living room, but as long as we’re at $20 a pop I’m sorry, I just don’t have $20 worth of give-a-damn when it comes to the Winter Soldier (holy shit a metal arm (I know, I know, everyone says it’s a great friggin’ movie)) or damn Ant-Man (I know I know, everyone says it’s a great friggin’ movie).  And in my defense, there were lots of really, really crappy superhero movies that came beforehand.

Bottom line:  DC, I love your characters, but you need to get your shit together.  Take it slow.  You don’t have to one-up the MCU just yet, and you’re on the road to potentially ruining what may be the greatest hero of our times, Batman.  And please, do something about your godawful TV situation.  To Marvel: I think you’ve got a lot of stuff figured out, but I think your entire universe would benefit from injecting a little more dirt and grime into your films.  They’re a little too light and a little too popcorn friendly.  Don’t go down DC’s road and make incomprehensible crap that masquerades as complexity - don’t do that shit - but man, let’s get a film with some gravitas, with some balls.

So, what in the hell do you think about the quality of the Marvel Cinematic Universe versus the DC Extended Universe?  Lay it on me!  Did I nail it down pretty good or am I way off base?  Should I keep my mouth shut until I’ve dredged through the whole of the MCU...?  Is Ant-Man really that fucking good?  Was the tie in with Winter Soldier and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. really as brilliant as the rest of the internet seems to believe?  And while we’re at it, is anything in the DC TV-verse (what the fuck do we call it?) worth watching, or am I in the clear by being as dismissive as everyone else?  Tell me tell me tell me!