#I don’t want to take in commissions just for the money. I genuinely want to give my best and not give something half assed.

[havockingboo]

Do you do commissions cause your art slaps hard

Ah, thank you

i rarely take comms. I would love to open commissions now, but I have a funny way of overwhelming myself easily 🫠 along with the fact I just lack self discipline on keeping myself on a timely schedule where I pace myself to get the work done and it’s not just dependent on impulsiveness.

[pepprs]

mutuals i got myself into a situation so sticky i don’t even know how to describe it (edit: *describes it* lol). please send thoughts of successful escape my way lol

[ghoulsgraveyard]

Mattress Shopping

a/n: oops! all fluff! I wrote this one while not high and You Can Tell. this is a very soft fic, very domestic. It takes place in the same universe as Animal Instinct and is a direct sequel, but there is no piss kink, only references to it. content warnings: mentions of sex and violence, allusions to piss (hilarious phrase), emotional hurt/comfort. word count: 2k part 1

You were about to head back up to your apartment when Logan took your hand and started walking towards his car. “Lo, where are we going?” He looks at you, confused. “I thought you said you wanted to go mattress shopping?” Logan hated shopping. It was loud and crowded and too bright. It always took too long. But Logan also loved you. And he loved you more than he hated shopping. “You don’t have to come if you don't want to, I know you don't like shopping.” Logan opens your door for you before heading around to the driver's seat “I’ll be using the thing too.” he states “Besides, there are worse things I could be doing than spending the day with you” he grumbles out afterwards as he starts the car. You practically melt into the seat. It never gets old, his loving you. You’ll cherish these acts of love every single time. “You sap” you say with a giggle. “Yeah yeah, dont go telling people that.” he starts the car with a wink towards you. After hours of sterile lights and crackling top 40 hits, you and Logan had successfully found a mattress. The incredibly persistent salesman changed his tune very quickly after the third time he tried to upsell you and Logan had unsheathed his claws. “W-would you like to use our delivery and installation service?” he said shakily, one last attempt to up his commission. Logan had enough. “Listen pal, I don't need to throw money away on something I can do myself. I got two arms and two legs. Just give me the goddamned mattress” he was not loud, but he was also not fucking around.

After loading the mattress into the back of the car you were on your way back. “Thank you for coming with me” you smile at him and he furrows his brow “why?” he grunts out, eyes on the road. “You made mattress shopping better.” you tease, he lets out a humorless chuckle “Honey i was grumpy and threatened a salesman. I made that experience worse, not better.” You frown at this. “I don't think you did. You certainly got us a better deal on that mattress.” you look over to him, his frown still prominent.

 “Logan, you make everything better. Sometimes I feel like you don’t realize that I don't just love you, I like you. Like fundamentally, as a person, I genuinely enjoy being in your presence. I like to spend time with you logan. You’re grumpy and a little mean, you drink and you smoke and I love you all the same. You’re who I want to be with. You’re my person, you’re who I choose. There is no one I would rather go mattress shopping with.” 

He doesn’t have anything to say to that. What could he even say to that? How do you tell someone that they have shifted your sense of self? How does he begin to describe how your love has changed him? How could it not change him? He’s lived his whole life hating himself. his thoughts, his actions, to the very essence of his core, his soul, his being, he hated himself. Everything he touched he ruined, every person he loved died, he was the worst Logan and everyone knew it. 

Now he’s not so sure. How could he be so awful when you loved him so much? He trusted you, and he trusted your judgment of character, so logically he has to face that he’s not all bad. But it’s more than that. Your presence in his life has to be proof of something, call it god, call it the universe, call it karma, you were all the proof he needed that at one point he did something good. He must have done something really and truly good to earn you. There’s a voice in his head now to fight back that familiar dialogue. A voice that tells him he’s a good man with bad circumstances, a voice that tells him his mistakes don’t define him, it’s a voice that sounds like yours. If you, beautiful, kind and perfect you, could love him? He must have done something right. He has good in him, you make him believe it. All he can do is grab your hand and squeeze it. One day he’ll tell you. One day he’ll find the right words and put them in the right order and he’ll be able to tell you that he is devastatingly, irrevocably and wholly in love with you. But until that day he’ll hold you close, be sweet only for you, and even go mattress shopping. All for you.

That night, after you had gotten the new bed set up, you both went over to Wade’s for drinks. After about thirty minutes, Wade claps his hands with glee in the kitchen as he pours more tequila into a whiskey glass. He practically prances back into the room returning to his seat “Soooooo what 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 shit did you two get up with today” he waggles his fingers at you. How did he do that with his voice? Nevermind. Logan sputters into his drink, recovering quickly “The hell are you talkin about?” he grunts. Wade looks delighted. “I am so glad you asked pookie” Logan groans as he continues, “I was on my daily walk around your building and I couldn't help but notice a set of your sheets and a whole mattress in your dumpster!” Wade teases. “Daily walks?” Logan growls “you root through our trash?” you question. “Hold on, don't turn this around on me, either you’re sexual deviants or Wolvy dear is getting really old, or both!” Wade coos, sipping his drink.

10 minutes later when you’re finally able to separate Logan from him with as little blood shed as possible (with varying degrees of success) you decide to cut the night short. Thirty minutes before blood might be a new record for the two of them actually. Logan presses the button to summon the elevator, you reach for your phone to- shit! “Babe I forgot my phone, I’ll be right back” he lets out a hmph to confirm he heard you. You jog back to Wade’s door, opening it with ease. Fucker never locks his door, says it an ‘open invitation’. Whatever that means. “Hey, sorry I forgot my phone” Wade leans against the counter taking a break from washing dishes. “Oh it’s all right boo” he grins as you search through the spot where you sat “But while I have you here” he trails off probing your response to his previous question. You found your phone… right next to Wade. Rolling your eyes at his antics “Oops?” he smiles. You punch him on your way out with no real malice, but before reaching the door, you turn back to say “Well it’s not the second one” you wink and jog right back to Logan.

 “Harlots!” you hear Wade yell at you from his door before slamming it. Logan raises an eyebrow in question “What did ya say to him?” you take his hand in the elevator “Oh nothing” you smile with a hint of mischief. He looks at you accusatorial “well nothing that isn’t true” Logan groans at your response “you know i’m never going to hear the end of this. I have to interact with him wayyy more than you do” you step out of the elevator, heading towards the car as Logan continues “He’s going to ask me more questions about it, and then I'm gonna have to stab him.” He opens the passenger door for you “thought you didn’t like it when I skewered the little shit.” Logan pulls a cigar from the glove box, slicing off the end with a claw. “Can ya give me a light here sugar?” he grumbles out with the cigar between his teeth as he starts the car. 

Fuck he was handsome. Devastatingly so. The wrinkles on his face from his seemingly permanent soured expression, his strong jaw extenuated by facial hair that would look ridiculous on anyone else, the way his shirt was unbuttoned so you could begin to see a peek of his salt and pepper chest hair, it just wasn’t fair that any man could look this good. 

“Hon” he grunts out. You snapped back to the present, finding the lighter a bit further back in the glovebox. You hold the flame to the end while he sucks in, creating a bright cherry at the end of the stick. “I never said not to skewer him” you start “I just said I think it's gross seeing your claws fully through his skull and finding two of his fingers in between our couch cushions.” Logan chuckles at this “So you don’t mind me brutalizing our friend, as long as you don't have to see it.” he puffs on his cigar. “Nope!” you pop, smiling at him “I can't believe you just called Wade your friend” Logan stops at the light and grunts out “slip of the tongue” while he looks out the window. “I don't think it was” you lightly elbow him “I already know you’re secretly a softie, I won’t tell him.” he exhales another billow of smoke, but you couldn’t help but notice the tips of his ears had turned a little red. You decide not to comment on it, smiling only to yourself. This was the Logan only you got to see. Everyone else in the whole world only knew him as angry and violent with brief moments of sincerity. He was gruff and brash and had a weird way of showing he cared. 

As much as you were his -lord knows you have the hickeys to prove it- he was yours. The Logan that learned how to cook just to make you breakfast in bed is yours. The Logan who will wear a face mask with you is yours. The Logan who uses his claws to chop vegetables is yours. The Logan who can’t sleep if you’re not in his arms, the Logan who stands between your legs while you sit on the bathroom counter to shave him, the Logan who presses kisses to your head and ties your shoes. He was a secret, locked away from the world, buried deep inside from years of putting up walls to protect himself. He only existed with you. 

What a gift. What a tragedy. What an awful thought, that he hides his kindness and vulnerability from the world. What an absolute honor it is to be the only person he trusts enough to let in. It doesn’t come easy to him, it doesn’t come naturally. He makes the conscious effort everyday to break down his own walls for you. 

Logan rarely says “I love you” ; those three words seem to choke him every time he tries to spit them out. But when he does say them, it’s always a whisper. Like if he’s quiet enough the curse that seems to snuff out everyone he loves won’t hear him, won’t find him. Like he’s worried if he says it too loud it will trigger some horrible accident that will steal you away from him, but even then he can’t help but tell you. He swallows his fear in the small hours of the night to whisper a promise to you. 

He doesn’t need to tell you. You can see it. You can feel it. 

You don’t realize you’re home until the car stops and you feel his rough fingertips on your face in a gentle touch “Where’d you go in that head of yours pretty?” he looks deeply into your eyes. “Just thinking about you.” you smile and press a kiss to his lips before opening your door and getting out. “What about me?” he locks the car and slings an arm around you as you walk towards the elevator to go back to your home. “Just how much I love you.” Logan pushes the button when he lets out a “hmm” at your answer, looking away. His ears were pink again. You tug his collar down for another kiss then whisper in his ear 

“I think we need to break in that new mattress” a/n: I hope you enjoyed! let me know if you're interested in a part three. nothing motivates me like hearing what people liked, so if you enjoyed and want more, let me know!

taglist @mistyorchid

[artbyblastweave]

I belatedly realized something about the arc three bank job, which is that it slots really well into Worm’s overall reconstructive project; “Superhero stopping weirdly well-equipped bank robbers” is one of the most common cold-opens in superhero fiction, the super-heroic equivalent of taking out the garbage or doing the dishes, with limited attention ever granted to the low return-on-investment faced by real life bank robbers, the difficulty in getting away with it, the fact that the people who try it are often at rock bottom rather than being well-equipped militants, et al et al et al.

So instead the book 

A.) has the characters openly discuss the lack of potential profit in running a bank job during the planning phases; Brian thinks it’s a horrific idea, they only do it at all essentially because they were commissioned to do it, and the lack of obvious profit for their sponsor is an early red flag that something weird is going on (for Brian and Brian alone, go Brian)

B.) In the aftermath of discussing that lack of profit motive, they’re able to come up with plausible explanations for why someone might want them to rob a bank besides the money, namely reputation. Alec is attracted to the job despite the lack of profit because it would get his name in the papers. Lisa offers up the idea that their backer doesn’t want to manage a team of nobodies, and despite the clear holes in that argument- you don’t want your bagmen scrutinized by the press!- everyone sort of just accepts this as something a wealthy sponsor might plausibly want if they were going in on a supervillain team. 

There is a degree to which getting in fights is the point. Brian is entirely correct that there’s limited profit motive in robbing a bank, but the bank as described is clearly basing all its operations around the reality that they’re gonna get hit constantly anyway. This is a setting in which there’s an obvious incentive to rob banks not because you’ll make money, but because it’ll get your name out there and cement you as someone who can be hired as muscle on actually profitable crimes. This is the logic, too, behind the attack on the Gallery Gala; no money to be made, but it’s good for counting coup. There’s a structural incentive towards pointless, unprofitable shit-stirring in order to remind the world you’re alive. A need for “wins-” not actual accomplishments or solved problems, just perceived victories in the public eye- is the driving motivation of nearly every cape for the first third of the book, and it’s a novel approach to the common deconstructive tack of wryly pointing out how unproductive and performative superhero fights tend to be. They aren’t fighting over what they’re ostensibly fighting over, but it isn’t all staged (Cough The Boys Cough)- they’re genuinely fighting.

[annimator]

I know I’m more than 2 months late to the party, but I REALLY wanna gush about how much I loved All Stars’ finale.

It’s honestly my favourite Disventure Camp episode as of right now, because I have a good feeling Carnival of Chaos will be really great considering how much I’m rooting for a good majority of the cast

(Spoilers for the episode below [obviously] but I also mention smth from the TomJake’s spinoff’s last episode)

• Tom sounds like the kind of guy to practice confessing to his crush by talking to a photo of said crush lmao. Ashley’s being as great as always by being Tom’s wingwoman

• Awwww Hunter’s trying to cheer up Ally by showing a drawing of her :D (do you take commissions bro /j)

• Huntally kiss! :D Also Tess is there too lol

• NOBODY WANTED TO BE ON RIYA’S TEAM LMAO. ELLIE ONLY JOINED BECAUSE OF THE CHANCE TO GET 100K, AND ALEC WAS PICKED RANDOMLY AND WAS LIKE “yeah ok whatever”

• Everyone that was sitting in Jake’s stand was starring at Tom (Except James & Aiden) when he was choosing his first teammate before Ally volunteered lol

• Tom we’re not glossing over the fact that you got WATERBOARDED. Also him saying that confessing to Jake is the most stressful thing he’s ever done is a mood.

• Dat scene of the thumbnail tho. ALSO THEY WERE BLUSHING >:DDDDDD

• “Get up guys! You can have your yaoi moment later!” LMAO BEST ALLY QUOTE RIGHT THERE

• Ally’s cartwheels were so fucking cool to watch, and I hope whoever animated that was paid well. I remember hearing in a greeting that acrobatics and gymnastics are a side hobby of hers but I can’t find the link to it :(

• BRO I WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY TO SEE FIORE CALL OUT FOR ALEC AND JUMP OFF THE STANDS TO HELP HIM OUT. SHE FINALLY SHOWED THAT SHE CARES FOR HIM AND HE RETURNED THE FAVOUR BY PROTECTING HER FROM THE PAINT ARROWS AND THE HORE CARRIAGE.

• Also speaking of, when it panned to show all the contestants reacting to Alec getting shot, everybody had concern on their face besides Yul’s bitchass having a shit-eating grin. Guess he called Alec an insufferable nerd for a reason lol

• Seeing Alec forfeit being Riya’s helper was rlly great. Icing on top was Fiore flipping her off lol

• LMAO GABBY DIDN’T EVEN WANNA HELP OUT RIYA, SHE JUST JOINED TO PROTECT ELLIE

• “Awwww! What a cute kitty!” GABBY THAT IS A WHOLE ASS TIGER WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

• The slow-mo moment of Tom shielding Jake from the paint arrow was pretty cool and funny at the same time lol

• RIYA WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT

• THE WAY ELLIE IMMEDIATELY WENT TO HELP OUT GABBY BY TRYING TO PULL HER ARM OFF OF THE TIGER MY GOD I LOVE THEM SM

• Tom managed to fight off that tiger, what a madlad

• “What the hell was that Riya?!” “What? We won!” “You hurt my girlfriend you piece of shit!” YEAH TELL HER ELLIE

• Ellie would’ve beat the shit out of Riya if this finale wasn’t televised and I would watch every second of that. And good on Ellie for realizing that some things are more important that money

• speaking of, I WAS GENUINELY NOT EXPECTING A GABELLIE KISS IN THE FINALE, BUT I LOVE THAT IT CAME AFTER ELLIE SAYING THAT SOME THINGS (LIKE GABBY) ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN MONEY

• Ngl I didn’t really gaf about the staff plot this season, but Derek & Trevor are rlly cute together! Carnival of Chaos will be more interesting now that they’re canon and hosting it together >:D

• “Kick Riya’s ass for me!” YEAAAAAAAAA

• Seeing James & Aiden root for Jake was really wholesome considering the fact that Jake had beef with both of them throughout the game before making amends. Aiden actually has the my favourite elimination because of his convo with Jake before leaving. Yul’s is a close second because his monologue after getting eliminated is ICONIC

• I also like that even though you don’t hear anyone else loudly root/cheer for Jake (Besides James, Aiden, and Miriam). You can tell that everyone (besides Yul lol) is rooting for him.

• TOM HELPED TO PUSH JAKE BACK UP ONTO THE PLATFORM AFTER RIYA KNOCKED HIM OFF

• Seeing Fiore by Alec’s side as all of the finale’s helpers were in a separate stand was so nice to see :DDDD

• Tom’s not beating the “physical touch as a love language” allegations. LOOK AT THE WAY HIS HANDS ARE ON JAKE’ SHOULDERS WITH A CUTE SMILE ON HIS FACE.

• Jeez Riya’s gone off the deep end considering what she said to Connor even though she’s supposedly “PrETeNdiNg”. I personally think she’s a really interesting character considering her entire character arc, but at the same time, I think she’s a bitch lol

• “Well! You just watch! Your leg will look like a SCRAP after what I do to him.” JESUS FUCK SHE WAS NOT JOKING SHE FUCKING HIT JAKE IN THE FUCKING THROAT WITH HER SWORD AND KICKED HIM OFF THE PLATFORM.

• I WAS WAITING SINCE LAST FUCKING MAY FOR JAKE AND TOM TO FINALLY TALK OUT THEIR ISSUES AND FOR THEM TO GET BACK TOGETHER AND THEIR CONFESSION SCENE WAS SO FUCKING WORTH THE WAIT BECAUSE OF WHAT TOM SAID TO JAKE.

• “Whenever you called, I just stared at the phone. I was haunted by my past and I was so scared of making another mistake. But you reminded me that I’m so much more than my setbacks. Jake, I… I care about you so much!” I NEED TO BE FUCKING SEDATED

• THEY KISSEDDDDDDD

• Tom rlly said “If there’s any chance you feel the same way” as if Jake wasn’t blushing earlier after Tom saved him. And Jake kissed him to shut him up omg

• “I know you’re just coping Riya. Being alone must stink. It’s how I felt for a long time.” I did not relish this quote when I first watched this scene but OH MY GOD I FEEL LIKE THIS QUOTE IS A GOOD BOOK END FOR JAKE’S ALL STARS ARC. HE STARTED ALL STARS BY BASICALLY BEING ALL ON HIS OWN SINCE MIRIAM WAS ON A DIFFERENT TEAM BUT HE NOW HAS A LARGE GROUP OF PEOPLE ON HIS SIDE. AND KEEP NOTE OF THE PEOPLE BEHIND JAKE WHEN HE SAYS THIS. ASHLEY’S BEEN A GOOD FRIEND FOR JAKE THROUGH THICK AND THIN, JAMES, AIDEN, AND ALLY ALL BEEFED WITH JAKE DURING MOST OF THEIR TIME IN ALL STARS, BUT MANAGED TO PUT THEIR DIFFERENCES ASIDE BEFORE (or after in James’ case) THEY GOT ELIMINATED. AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON JAKE AND TOM’S WHOLE RELATIONSHIP.

• RIYA WON?! NO FUCKING WAY

• I loved how the episode panned to all the eliminated contestants’ reactions to Jake getting knocked off, especially the pan to Ashley, James, Aiden, Tom, and Ally, their faces were hilarious lol

• Ngl that scene of Jake being congratulated despite losing was kinda cheesy to me at first, but I think it’s pretty neat, AND I AM NOT COMPLAINING OVER ANOTHER TOMJAKE KISS >:D

• “I guess, as they say in fairy tales, the prince fails to beat the dragon, but at least he gets the knight in the end!” That’s so wholesome omggggg

• I LOVE HOW NOBODY (EXCEPT YUL BECAUSE HES GETTING MONEY) IS HAPPY OVER RIYA’S VICTORY LMAOOOOO.

• “Hope it was worth it. Money can’t buy friends.” Bro it’s just like that one yt comment said, “Damn, even Krystal didn’t want her to win” lol

• Seeing everyone happy on the bus ride to the airport was so wholesome; Ally, Hunter, & Tess happily playing switch together, Ashley getting a call from Will, Alec smiling as Fiore slept on his arm while he was reading, Ellie & Gabby holding each other with smiles on their face, AAAAA I LOVE IT SO MUCH

• The transition to Riya holding the money briefcase on her own was literally all I needed to know that the Tumblr blog that posted art of Riya winning but getting ignored by everyone had the gift of prophecy lol

• BRO THE WAY JAMES & AIDEN ARE HOLDING EACH OTHER GENUINELY ADDED HALF A DECADE TO MY LIFESPAN, ITS TGAT WHOLESOME

• “Oh we’re gonna spend so much overdue time together.” I WAS CHEERING SO HARD WHEN JAKE SAID THAT. I LOVE HOW EVERY WHOLESOME TOMJAKE SCENE HITS DIFFERENT KNOWING THAT THEY’RE CANONICALLY ENGAGED BY THE END OF THE TOMJAKE SPINOFF’S FIRST SEASON

• I love how Tom also invited Miriam to spend time with him and Jake since he knows that she and Jake had a great bond, only for Miriam to deny it since she knows Tom owes Jake time for themselves and themselves alone.

• I haven’t seen anyone point this out, but in the scene where the contestants go their separate ways at the airport, the people from season two exit the screen on the LEFT, while people from season one exit the screen on the RIGHT, with the only exceptions being Great exiting on the left, and Yul exiting in on the right. Alec also had Fiore on his shoulders, Jaiden, Tomjake, & Gabellie were holding hands as they exited the screen, and Ashley waved her hat in the air to wave goodbye.

• “The cameras are gone right?” “What difference does it make?” “It’s over. I can finally stop pretending!” I genuinely saw this coming from a mile away when I first watched this ep

• OKAY I HAVE WORDS TO SAY FOR CONNOR & RIYA’S LAST SCENE TOGETHER BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH IT PARALLELS WHAT ROSA SAID TO RIYA AFTER SHE GOT ELIMINATED BESIDES BOTH CONVOS ENDING WITH CONNOR AND ROSA SAYING THE SAME EXACT THING. SOMEONE ON TWT ALREADY SAID THIS, AND WHEN I SAW THAT POST IT MADE ME APPRECIATE THIS SCENE EVEN MORE.

• Ok I turned caps back off for this moment, In S2, Rosa monologues about how she’s disappointed in Riya for letting the game change her, and in All Stars, Connor says he’s disappointed in Riya because of how everyone EXCEPT Riya changed throughout their time in All Stars. LIKE THAT CANT BE A COINCIDENCE, I HAVE A GOOD FEELING THAT THE WRITERS INTENTIONALLY MADE THAT SCENE FROM ALL STARS PARALLEL THE ONE FROM S2 ONCE THEY DECIDED TO MAKE RIYA THE WINNER.

• Also pretty bold of Riya to assume her and Connor could continue whatever they had going on after oh, I don’t know, BREAKING HIS FUCKING LEG AND CONSTANTLY FUCKING WITH HIS MIND (also off-topic, but I think aleconnor’s pretty neat :D Apparently they could’ve hugged during Alec’s elimination, but that scene ended up getting deleted, would’ve made the scene more gayer lol)

• Yeah, uh, still don’t really care about the staff even though I think they’re all pretty neat. I remember being so happy after Krystal said that she had a certain duo in mind to take care of DC whilst she, Oliver, Marcus, & Nina took a vacation since it implied Trevek will return to host s4

• That scene of Riya looking at all the happy lives of the other contestants whilst she’s on her own was so bittersweet considering that this scene was the last scene for most of these characters since most of them didn’t make an appearance in the spin-offs (at least James got namedropped lol) .

• And this all once again goes back to what Rosa said to Riya back in S2, telling her that she’d win but will be alone. Everyone’s managed to get a happy ending except Riya; Tom & Jake finally went out to eat Chinese food like they promised back in S1(and ended up getting engaged), James & Aiden are still happily together and are visiting Germany with Lake & Rosa, Ellie & Gabby are still together with Ellie & Tess also having graduated, Alec & Fiore are back on good terms, Grett & Yul are separately living their best lives, Ashley, Will, Nick, & Lill all went out for drinks, and Connor ended up getting married. Meanwhile, Riya’s basically all by herself, only having the 3 million dollars, her miscellaneous acting awards, and her sister as company, ultimately suffering from success. (L)

• So yeah TL;DR, All Stars’ finale was FUCKING AMAZING! Sure the season as a whole has its flaws, but I still mostly loved it nonetheless. I started watching around episode 8’s release and caught up by watching the previous seasons to get a good understanding of all the characters. This show would’ve done WONDERS for me back when I was still figuring out my sexuality back in 2021-2022 with all its LGBT rep, but better late than never! And this series also kinda helped me heal from all the angst QSMP threw my way with how most of the ships ended up getting happy endings :D (*cough* Tomjake)

[kreinvulon]

hey. i wanted to make this post for a while and honestly was afraid of putting this out there, but i felt i should share the reasons for my inactivity recently. this isn’t me quitting tumblr or leaving anything - please don’t take it as such. i’m aware i’m not responsible for people’s feelings, and that i don’t owe anyone work or activity, and that i should focus on myself… but, i still want people to know what’s up, especially those i’ve met through communities like gore’s - one which i’m still a part of, and one that has deeply helped me.

content warnings below for mental health and pet loss, sort of. should anyone see this, i hope you’ll take it kindly. if not, then i’ll just keep talking into the void.

i’ll start off with good news - as you all know, i got into college. i’m happy there, and i’m doing well in regards to assignments. i’ve got incredible feedback, and my teacher acknowledges that i have a very thorough understanding of design. it’s never felt more freeing to study something i’m genuinely passionate about and wish to pursue a career in, but i’m unsure if that will last much longer. i’m studying full-time, and while it’s only four days a week - two of which i am only in for 3 hours - it puts a massive amount of pressure on me mentally and socially.

onto the bad news. my dog was diagnosed with cancer a month ago - it’s lymphoma, and it’s an advanced stage. none of us how long he has left, and it strikes fear in me daily that he may be gone soon. i have horrible nightmares some nights about losing him, intrusive thoughts as well, and that too weighs heavily on my mental state.

the amount of work we have to do in college, combined with the time i need - i mean that seriously - to decompress afterwards overtakes my time to work on personal and commissioned projects. i have spent over 6 weeks working gradually on one commission only, and despite the communication i’ve given, and understanding i have so sweetly received, i feel so terribly guilty about it. people are trusting me with their hard-earned money, and i take so long that it feels unprofessional. i still aim to keep these going, given i have that target of buying a pc ideally by the end of this year or the start of 2025, but updates will have to be made to things, so that i don’t collapse under the pressure - in which i have already done several times over the course of this last month or so. i have not even had much time to talk with online friends or mutuals.

i thought i was genuinely getting better, over the three months i spent out of education following the completion of my GCSE exams. i got wonderful results and reaped the rewards in spite of how crushing the school system is. what’s happening now is me being reminded of that. i have been mocked by people i thought were friends for having different challenges to them, for completing school at home, and have had multiple dehumanising comments made about me by the same people who refuse to stop, no matter how many times they have been shut down by either myself, or members of staff. my mental health is possibly at the lowest point it has been since i was 13 or 14.

life is tiring. it hurts to say this, and i need to seek help, but i feel i can’t. i am not in a place where i can seek private support for things such as autism, which friends, my family, and i heavily suspect i have. with the state of things in the uk, i feel trapped and unable to get what i need, especially in regards to being trans.

if i can spare the time, i will continue to share what i am working on. i should note that me and leliana ( @/lastdb ) have been brewing up something wonderful that i’m sure lots of you will love - some of you may have already seen small progress shots of it on discord. i am on the final step before i release this artwork, and possibly the most challenging.

but, for now — don’t forget me! i promise i’m still here, just quiet, and needing to heal from a lot that’s broken me down. if you’ve read through to this point ( and i don’t expect many will ), then thank you. a lot. i’m still happy to make conversation. don’t be afraid to say hi, i won’t bite.

[we-are-inevitable]

btw in the restaurant au. if you even care. jack goes to culinary school because growing up, his dad always made incredible food, and he started puttering around the kitchen with him when he was like 5 years old. he always wanted to try better recipes and newer things, and his dad- though they didnt have much money- would always save up for good ingredients so jack could cook whatever his little heart desired. cooking was their time; i imagine his dad was a line cook or something, not at a fancy restaurant or anything but at a little diner, and cooking was Their thing. jack would spend all day with his mom, and as soon as his dad came home- no matter how tired he was of cooking, no matter how much he wanted to just go lay down- they would go to the kitchen and he would supervise jack as jack made dinner for everyone.

when jack’s mom gets sick, he’s 10 years old, and his dad has to cut back his time at the diner to take care of her, since jack is in school and can’t be there. this means they bring in less money, so they can’t really afford to pay for the fresh ingredients now; most of their meals at home are dollar store staples. hanburger helper, microwavable TV dinners, sandwiches- they genuinely don’t have the money to spend on fresh produce anymore, and even buying ground beef and chicken breasts is splurging that they can’t often afford.

they live on a shoestring budget until jack can get his first job at age 14. his mom beats cancer the first time, but they’re drowning in medical debt, so jack finds a job that will actually hire him despite not being 15 yet, and his first real job is working as a dishwasher at a restaurant down the street. he works nearly every day, and all of his money is given to his father, despite his father insisting that he doesn’t need a job, he shouldn’t have a job, he’s just a kid and his money should be going toward kid stuff and not paying his parent’s medical bills.

but jack refuses, so they keep it up. i think the only non-mom-related expenses jack has are food related,, sometimes he’ll stop in the little grocery store he would go to with his dad when they were younger and buy fresh vegetables and a little two pound roll of hamburger meat, just so they can at least have one meal that isn’t ready from a box. jack continues this until he’s fifteen, and by the time he turns 15, his mother’s cancer is back, even after only been beaten for a year, and it’s a lot worse.

jack drops out at 15, after having long conversations with his father, and though it breaks his father’s heart to see jack doing this, it’s unfortunately what needs to be done. jack drops out and gets another job on top of the dishwashing, and he ends up as a line cook at a fast food place. they’re able to pay the bills on jack’s paychecks, and get groceries with the little that jack’s dad makes from the days he’s able to work.

jack’s mom passes when he’s 16, leaving jack and his dad to cover both funeral and medical expenses. they’re drowning after that, both grieving in their own ways. jack’s father can barely get out of bed for weeks, but jack is back at work the day after his mother’s funeral because he knows they can’t risk falling behind on bills.

jack’s dad loved his mom so much. they were such a happy family before she got sick, which wasn’t her fault, none of this was ever her fault, but after she passes he’s completely out of commission. he can’t keep a job, he barely talks anymore, he drinks and drinks until jack can’t recognize him. it’s terrifying to watch, but jack gives him his time- he knows that eventually, his father is going to get back on his feet, and he’s going to be okay, and he’s going to go back to work and they’re going to get to relax and things will be fine again.

jack’s dad dies a few days after jack’s 18th birthday. they didn’t see it coming. the paramedics say it was a heart attack. jack likes to think of it as his mom needing his dad. it’s easier to stomach that way.

but that’s fine. everything is fine. jack, freshly 18, plans his second funeral and again, he’s back at work the day after putting his dad in the ground. he sells most of the furniture to have some extra cash. he finds a cheaper apartment in the bad part of town because he can’t afford a two bedroom when he’s just one kid. he has a bed, he has photos of his parents, and he has a kitchen. that’s all he needs.

the next few years pass with jack climbing the ranks in whatever restaurants he can get his hands on. he’s finally in a place where he can save for school, culinary school, and he has more restaurant experience under his belt by the time he’s 21 than most of his older coworkers do. he busts his ass and works so hard to put himself through school, and when he finally gets his certificate after everything, he can rest. he starts applying to different high end restaurants, and he works as a cook in a nice steakhouse for a while, but he doesn’t like his coworkers and knows he deserves more than being miserable.

when he hears about a new restaurant opening in the area, some “high end” burger joint called Pulitzer’s, he throws his hat in the ring with an application and is hired on as the lead chef at the age of 25.

he’s 26 when a new server named David Jacobs is hired, and things start looking up.

[prettyrealm]

itzy ryujin ideal type reading

this reading is a paid commission. thank you so much for trusting in me! ♡

overall:

someone who will be like a ride or die (“if you do it, ima do it too” energy), soulmate type connection, someone who will support her and vouch for her even when she’s wrong (like if if you don’t agree with her going off in public, you better just go along with it and then only tell her it was inappropriate when behind closed doors), someone rebellious that isn’t afraid to go against the establishment or defy authority or even just go against the popular opinion, someone who genuinely values women and understands feminism, someone intuitive with good social skills who can read people and situations well, someone who practices what they preach and learns from experiences, someone who genuinely wants to help serve others and better their lives, someone who feels strongly and isn’t afraid to express it (whether it be love or hatred, she wants to know how you feel about things), someone passionate and forceful who goes after what they want, someone mature, honest, empathetic and intelligent. someone who knows a lot about the world and has moved between different cultures/races/ethnicities.

turn ons:

someone different or unique (maybe even someone people may usually count out or treat like a black sheep), when someone is open about their sexuality (like if she knows a girl likes girls she may become more interested or attracted to her because of that alone), when someone can navigate through different groups and classes of people and cultures, someone who cares a lot about money and making it, someone who isn’t overindulgent and can show restraint when it comes to things like drugs, alcohol, sex etc, determination, someone a bit chaotic and unruly, when someone smells fresh and clean, someone who will tear things down and destroy everything for her, when someone is devoted to a higher power or something bigger than themselves, someone who can seduce her without trying too hard, someone graceful with an attractive walk or strut, someone sophisticated, lush and thick hair, high heels, when someone is sexy or has a sexy vibe, tall height, long legs, big boobs, plump butt & body on the slimmer side.

turn offs:

someone with too much pride, people who drink too much, people who flirt too much or try too hard to be sexy (she finds this corny), someone who can’t handle her emotions and treats her like she’s crazy, someone controlling who tries to act like a dad, cruelty, perversity, someone who doesn’t take care of themselves well (poor nutrition or hygiene), people who lie, joke around too much or play too much, immaturity and not knowing how to be serious, arrogance, men who try to be too dominant and aggressive, men who are too sexually forward, men who think they’re good looking and try to use it to their advantage (or even just guys who post too many selfies), people who abuse their power, people with superiority complexes, people who steal others ideas and play it off as their own, lack of individualism or originality, i don’t think she likes glasses very much, eyes or contacts that are too brightly colored, heavy set or overweight body, fake blonde or bleached hair, red hair, & petite or small built men.

[acourtofthought]

I just want to say my piece about Elain week and be done with it. Honestly, you’re one of the few accounts I follow that actually gets it. You genuinely love Elain’s character but aren’t blind to her flaws, which is rare. It’s refreshing to see someone who admires where her story might be going while still keeping it real—because let’s face it, Elain is just a character in a book, not a real person. It’s exhausting to see people lose their minds over fictional drama. So, thanks for being one of the few who can balance it all without losing touch with reality.

I can’t take Elriel’s seriously because they treat Elain like she’s some real, fleshed-out character while simultaneously reducing her to a mere plot device in Az's story. It’s like they completely ignore her agency and depth just to fit her into Azriel's narrative. And don’t even get me started on Elainweek. If it was supposed to be inclusive, why was it riddled with bans that sidelined anyone who had different preferences in the fandom? They act like Elucien fans are the problem for not participating in previous years, but then turn around and complain on Twitter when a bunch of Eluciens actually engaged this year.

They should have just been straightforward about their intentions for Elain-week instead of being passive-aggressive and called it what it was, Elriel week.

Now, I want to touch on the art that is now causing so muchdrama. I want to make it abundantly clear, the art itself was beautiful, many Eluciens and Gwynriels said so, but it was the artist's words that hurt many POC among the fandom.

It’s was honestly sad to witness this whole situation. I do not think the artist's comments were made with malicious intent, but rather came from a place of ignorance. Eluciens and Gwynriels had been nothing but supportive of her work, sharing her previous pieces and even showing interest in commissioning her - despite her obvious preference for Elriel.

However, how she choose to address the situation escalated things and I will bet good money she is now being manipulated by Elriels, who are telling her that she said nothing wrong, because they want the artist to create a narrative that Elucien are bullies. They are taking advantage of her situation and making things worse.

But does the artist even realize that many of the people sliding into her DMs are the very same ones who have engaged in real bullying? Seriously, these are the people who have sent death threats, harassed SJM’s best friend, and targeted authors, influencers, bookshops, and other artists just for shipping Gwynriel or Elucien. Does she know she is being exploited by Elriels, it’s sad that she doesn’t see it. Her artwork was stunning but it was overshadowed by her thoughtless and careless words and how she handled the situation. She seems to have completely missed the point.

This entire week has just been a reminder of how hypocritical some Elriels can be. Honestly, I can't wait for the day they finally drop Elain's character, because you know they will when they don't get their precious Elriel in the canon. They’re delusional if they think SJM would ever write Elriel after the way they've harassed her team, her husband, her best friends, and her colleagues. The death threats and even the creepy threats to kidnap her baby? Seriously?

Let’s be real: if they were truly confident in their ship from the beginning, they wouldn’t have needed to resort to bullying the author and anyone who disagrees with them. I think they have always known deep down that they were shipping a red herring. Now they’re just trying to strong-arm Sarah into writing them some fanservice because they can't handle the fact that their ship isn’t happening. That SJM prefers mates and they know Elriel aren't mates. It’s time to call it what it is. They want Sarah to cater to their whims, and their desperation to spam and harass anyone who doesn't ship Elriel is just pathetic.

Alright, I’m done

Thank you for the background on the photo drama! I know people were looking for more details of what happened and I had heard about it but didn't see some of what was being said on IG. You know, E/riels can call Elucien's and Gwynriel's bully's all they want and I know there have been some situations where even our side has behaved badly (though I'm not sure I remember seeing de@th threats / SA threats coming from our end) but if E/riels truly hoped to have some influence on how Sarah writes these books, I do not understand how they think their behavior is doing them favors. Sarah and her team know nothing of the verbal sparring between anon user A versus Anon user B on IG / Tumblr/ Twitter (X) whether it be Eluciens to E/riels, Gwynriels to E/riels or E/riels to Eluciens and Gwynriels. But they most certainly have heard about what happened to the other famous author who called out E/riels on her IG simply because she liked the Gwynriel ship. Sarah almost certainly heard about how E/riels acted towards her good friend Steph after she said she didn't think E/riel was happening on one of her Lives. I don't think anything any of us are going to change Sarah's mind on what she writes but if someone is over the age of 12, I imagine we all learned the lesson that good behavior gets rewarded and tantrums do not.

Thank you for your comments on my view of Elain's character! I can't think of a single FMC who has started her book happy with friends, already in love, and already living where she's going to end up by the end of her book, can you?

Yet somehow Elain is already perfect with the perfect friends and the perfect lover who treats her so well and they're already the best friends ever even though he spent a year avoiding her and she's so at home with the sisters who call her a dog and a pleasant companion and the way she treats Lucien is not at all inconsiderate because she is perfect and does not owe the one she has a forever magical connection to a single word from her lips because real life women don't owe men anything! Apparently the E/riel version of Elain is living the Barbie Dream Life and that's all well and good but then the author has absolutely no need to write a book about her. Have they listened to Sarah talk about her favorite characters? Nesta. Manon. She likes complicated women. Which we saw with Bryce and Feyre and Aelin. These women are layers upon layers and they are flawed. We can love them all the same but Sarah does not like Mary Sue's. Even her most Mary Sue like character (the not morally gray Yrene) had major prejudices she had to get over! She was a bitch to Chaol at first! That means Elain is not starting off her book as the Voted Most Beautiful of the School Head Cheerleader of the Squad leaving care packages on her sweetheart of one year and counting's locker since they're already so in love, Elain who already has the picture perfect life and only needs to fight the bad guy because there's absolutely nothing else for her to achieve. Elain, just like every other SJM heroine is going to have depth. Heavy emotions that have held her back from doing the things she needs to do, being who she's meant to be, facing her bond instead of avoiding it. Emotions that are HERS and not just her showing Rhys up. That's blaming everyone else for Elain's current state and not giving her any of the responsibility for anything. They just don't want her to have depth and things to overcome because if she does that means she might change (just like every other FMC does) and they worry that if she changes, it could mean those changes will lead her in a direction they don't want for her. So for them she must remain exactly as she is and end her book with things exactly the same as they are right now. (or at least as they were pre Solstice because right now she hasn't looked Az's way for months). We all knew Elain Week was going to be E/riel Week 2.0 despite their cries of "no, Elucien's are welcome! All ships but Tamlian and Berlain are welcome!" Damn if I'm now not wishing for some Jurlain content because that seems to be their hot button these days. We knew they'd cry that it's our fault, that we are the ones who choose not to participate while conveniently forgetting all the posts they liked over the past year calling Elucien's abuse apologists, misogynists, etc. But Yes, Of COURSE we're all welcome this week. It's like making fun of how a kid dresses every day at school then promising they'll behave the week of May 3rd, ONLY the week of May 3rd but act shocked when the kid doesn't thank them for the compliment of how nice they look that week. Assurances don't mean a thing when the people making them are nasty to us and our ship 99.9% of the time. At this point we can only hope that Sarah will some day decide to put us out of our misery and announce the next pairing.

[kenjirose]

Vent

I’m laying in bed just feeling so lonely, crying and I can’t make it stop. I haven’t cried in a genuine long time.. but everything is just hitting me like a fucking brick.

I don’t have anyone in my life.

It’s so fucking scary. It’s terrifying and the anxiety I feel makes me want to throw up.

I’m going to have to leave and it’s my only solution. I won’t have a family anymore, none of them love me. I don’t have friends. I don’t have anyone I can turn to and no where to go or to rely on in case of a emergency. None of it, because the people through the screen don’t count.

None of my siblings care about me. I’m so alone and it hurts so fucking much.

And anything that provides me comfort..? I have to leave it all behind. All my belongings. I need to focus on what I can carry.. the necessities.

I have to leave my dog. My baby. I have to leave Nim. She’s only 6, she won’t understand.

I only wish to pack my Kinger plush, it’s the most important item to me. It’s my comfort item, and knowing he’s custom and specially made makes him even more important and unique to me.

I can’t take my laptop or collectibles or anything. It sucks. It’s a lot of money down the drain.. my stuff. It’s more important to me than the people I live with.

I have to leave my art stuff, my keepsakes as a baby and child. I have to erase myself, in order to be myself.

God I’m also so scared I’m going to fall into drugs or something too. I know I won’t touch alcohol or cigs- vapes or blunts nothing but I do tend to like edibles and I really know that’s a horrible coping mechanism. I haven’t had access to them in months which is good but I hope my fucked mental health doesn’t tempt me. But to be honest, I can’t even get them at my age so I guess that solves that.

I’m just so depressed. I’m trying my best to be productive. I think the only thing keeping me from rotting in bed is the commissions and my schoolwork. If I didn’t have those things Idk what headspace I’d be in.

It hurts so much.

I don’t know what I did to deserve this

[phatcatphergus]

His ROI is so low for this, especially because he’s paying salary for Dani, Eryn, and his dad outside of the shows. He also has teams (pr, merch, legal, etc) that he has to pay so his own salary is nowhere near what his gross income is.

rent (which he had to pay for years in advance), renovations, furnishing, and tech for the office. rentals, materials, and art commissions for events. food, travel, participation costs, etc for friends that he's not paying but wants to show gratitude. plus a ton of other things that might be one-offs or little things that add up over time

there is a level of wealth that is impossible to obtain ethically but streamers are not on that level. it's an absurd amount of money but it's not evil billionaire amounts

This guy gets it.

It genuinely astounds me how stupid people are with this stuff and how little they even care to look into it. They just assume that everyone that has a bigger paycheck then they do are evil and kill kids or some shit. People would rather echo rhetoric that makes them feel better about not wanting to do anything more then stay in their unsatisfactorily job then actually be happy for someone that got lucky and is talented and smart enough to take advantage of the opportunities they’ve been given.

Tubbo is an entertainer and makes money from people paying for him to entertain them. It’s like paying to go to a concert. I genuinely don’t know why people get so upset about that.

[fx1600]

Okay I’ve seen a lot of ai art debates happening and no one asked but I want to rant about some of the arguments made for it because they just really bug me. 1) yes it is 100% unethical to unwillingly use other peoples art, photography, and likeness without any consent whatsoever. No this is NOT THE SAME THING as people trying to recreate or taking inspiration from the masters before them because while yes it is using someone elses art as reference it is to develop their own skills. The resulting art is still something they made with their own hands to further their own development. And to this day we still know who a lot of masters took inspiration from. Who they credit for their work. Ai work taking inspiration from other peoples styles to fit commands you are giving it IS NOT DEVELOPING YOUR SKILLS. This is NOT for development, it’s actively used to AVOID development and people openly say they do this because they don’t have the skill and don’t want to develop the skill. 2) Seeing people say it’s such a “boomer take” to be genuinely upset about these ai “artists” calling themselves artists is not the hot come back you think it is. Because people being upset is valid! Because this isn’t a group of people trying to make some new “revolutionary” art form and their own community around it. No these are people trying to align themselves with digital artists who spend so much time and effort developing their own skills. To equate pieces they prompted a machine to make and claiming it as their own because the machine cannot argue for its own effort. To the pieces people made after spending years developing their own skills to be able to make their art. If anything ai artists could be classified as some sort of writing group but that’s not what they’re aiming for. They hide their prompts to avoid “stealing” and pointedly don’t want acknowledgment for the one part they actually did themselves, they want credit for the results. 3) “Well people said the same thing about photography” do not and I mean DO NOT try to sit here and say these two mediums are the same! Because if you think they’re equal you clearly do not see the value or understand photography at all.  There are REASONS why companies still higher photographers to do product shots, poster shots, and event shots even though “everyone can do it with a phone”. Companies look for every corner they can cut to save a buck so it should SAY SOMETHINGS that they refuse to go the route of sending an intern with a phone camera to get photos of their products. Why they’re given full production teams and spaces to work. Because it takes skills, knowledge, dedication, and effort that only the photographer has. 4) “But it can sometimes take people HOURS to make!” Why are they willing to spend hours slightly editing prompts into an AI generator if it’s clear they know exactly what they want when they could just pick up some supplies and start trying to for it with their own hands? OR BETTER YET COMMISSION AN ARTIST!? 5) “It’s an accessibility tool, not everyone has the time, money, or skill to make what they want” Two of those three things are exactly WHAT MAKE ARTISTS ARTISTS the fact that they have the skills, they TOOK the time to develop. Money? Mspaint is free, a lowlevel tablet it surprisingly cheep you can get one for around 20 bucks. You can pick up cheep art supplies at the nearest Walmart, Target, or dollar store and get to work. You don’t need expensive equipment to make art, just a pencil and some scratch paper. Accessibility tools are tools made for people with disabilities that can hinder them from having access to the same opportunities or to ease pains and discomforts the disabilities can cause when trying to do every day tasks. There are definitely disabilities that can make it harder to make art But something that removes the need to develop the skill you’re trying to claim you have AT ALL is NOT THE SAME THING

Who knows, at the end of the day maybe there is something to be done with these generators, art is hard to define and it is hard to make lines about what is and isn’t art as a whole. Maybe eventually it will develop into something new and something respectable with it’s own community. But for RIGHT NOW the way it’s being used and the way these artists are trying to treat it and themselves is not it. Right now they’re a community trying to align themselves with one built on the skills they’re specifically trying to avoid and call it the same. Right now their art is dependent solely on the use of unwilling participants. Right now they are trying to pass off this art as the type that they have no understanding or basic skills for. Right now they are actively trying to hurt the respect of digital artists by saying they are outdated and unnecessary for people who want art made but don’t have the skills to do it themselves

[cherry-pop-elf]

Art Comission’s Opened! Because Dear God My Health Forced Me To-! Yay!

Yeah, as stated above. My health has forced me to open art commissions, because it’s gotten very bad. It’s very taxing to go in and out of hospital all the time, and take a bunch of meds and vitamins. Along with repairs for my wheelchair and such so. Small introduction before I list

Hi. I am Belladonna. I have PTSD, Chronic Migraines, TBI, Chronic Anxiety, Fibromyalgia, Heart Palpitations, Wheelchair Bound, Bed Bound, all while going to college. Yeah. I’m kinda stressed. Heh. Money runs tight. Because I have plans for top surgery as well

Alright! Into the Art Commissions! Also Btw while you are here, I do Writing Commissions as well. If you vibe with that. In my Pinned! ((Because for some reason tumblr won’t let me link atm))

All through CashApp/Paypal/Kofi

$BellaDonnaBucks

FishyArtist/Paypal

CherryPopElf/Kofi

30min Sketches: Five/5 Dollars

Just something quick and fun. Simple and just for when you want something to waste five bucks on 😭 They can be full body, but expect that to reduce quality as I’ll need to factor that it as well

Full Body: Ten/10 Dollars

If you wish for an elaborate background/simple shading we can discuss more. But over all would be an extra 5 dollars. Same for adding people! It also just all depends! Don’t be scared to communicate with me! You are the one buying!

Fully Rendered: Twenty/20 Dollars

Fully rendering would be a even 20 bucks, and of course extra 5 for X Y Z

Scenes: Twenty Five-Thirty/25-30 Dollars

Colored line art will cost a extra five/5

It all depends on what scene you are going for of course. More complicated the higher the dolla dolla

What I Will Draw: ✅

Smut

Gore

Furry

Robots/Cyborg Esc

Drawing Refs

Just ask! Be warned. Gonna need to make sure you are a adult for the Sexy Stuff. And there WILL be a ‘tax’ for the weird shit. You want scat? Inflation? That ain’t cheap

What I Won’t Do: ❌

Under age NSFW ((duh))

NSFW of real people

I’ve been tryantzed by the internet. Idek if I have limits. But don’t be a weirdo or try and pretend you aren’t asking for kink stuff. Just be honest about it. And understand I have the right to refuse.

Important Things To Note About Me:

I am a disabled college student, so when you receive your art will varey. I WILL make sure to send in WIP’s though

I have a Pay Half Up Front Fee. I genuinely can’t exactly afford to be scammed. Don’t be that dick man.

I’m an open person. Don’t be shy. We gotta be very transparent. It’s YOUR money after all. And, not to be rude, but I can’t waste time with a shitty client. I’m in College. I got homework!

Any further questions, just hit me up! Also, I write as well!

And, well, I have a wish list. In my pinned, because tumblr being weird with links. I feel so greedy, but I figure I share anyway.

Please reblog! Thank you so much!

[neitherabaron]

You mentioned that you've finished writing Gobelins, and I'm wondering if you're gonna raise money to produce it, or do it out of your own pocket? Either way, I'm very excited to hear it, hope your op goes well!

Thanks for a great question! There's definitely gonna be an Indiegogo fundraiser at some point before I start production, but the scale of that is going to need to depend on what my life is looking like at that time. In other words, when I’m physically able to devote time to the album again, I’m going to have to assess my capacity before deciding the scope of the project.

Basically, there's an "ideal" way I'd like to make Carnaval des Gobelins, with a physical edition, cool merch for backers, guest musicians and liner art commissions. I think it's gonna be the most satisfying experience for listeners and the best move from a "growing my business" point of view - producing that kind of stuff gives me a chance to order excess merch and another little revenue stream, which would take me a little step closer to making this my main job. But, it's also a big project to manage and as much as I want to do it that way, I'm not gonna bet on being physically well enough to do that until things are clearer. I'm pretty dang ill.

Then there are other options - like limiting that stuff to a digital version for Bandcamp and streaming, plus physical CDs that are a bit more pared-down in terms of liner content. And on the other side of the spectrum, there's just producing a digital album, like I did for The Wassailant, which while still a big project would be logistically simpler and would require the least amount of funding.

I'm going to run a fundraiser no matter what the scope ends up being and the reason for that is that I'm handling the production for C des Gs alone, in my studio. I have a great set-up and good technical knowledge nowadays and can make stuff with much higher production values without the spiralling costs of studio and engineer hire. However, to get the album done, I'm going to need to treat it as a part-time job for about a year and so I'm going to have to find a way to help me through that time financially. The reason I was able to finish The Wassailant within a year was because of all the time spent at home during the pandemic! I'm not going to start production until I find a new part-time day job anyway, so I certainly won't be trying to raise the sort of money to depend on! But I probably will be earning less from a day job while I work on the album and I will need a small amount to supplement that/keep for emergencies if something goes wrong for me in that time - so that I don't have to halt production part way through.

So the low-scope, digital-only version would still be a crowd-funded affair, just a fairly low scale one. For the big one with all the cool rewards and awesome CDs and everything, I guess my other mini-worry is I don't actually know whether the funding goals I’d have to set to produce all the awesome extras are actually realistic to what people can afford. I don’t know if I could fund a project at the same level as a Mechanisms album for example, because I don’t have the same reach the band did. But we’re probably looking at something comparable, cost-wise, to The Bifrost Incident (but closer to its goal, not the final amount it was pledged) to produce the “full scope” version. Plus, the last time I ran projected costs for the project was before the cost of living crisis, so I don't know right now whether the CD/merch suppliers' costs will have increased.

I genuinely feel a ton of support and goodwill from people like you who really want to listen and I know there are plenty of you! But also I truly don't want to assume anything from you, so we'll have to see how realistic it is to make the full bells-and-whistles version, financially or in terms of my capacity, nearer the time. The way I'm feeling as I type this is that I may run the Indiegogo with a lower inital goal and just a couple of reward tiers (aiming to fund production and release the digital album and a simpler physical edition) and try to do some of the other stuff like an expanded liner or producing merch (and making merch available at discounted rates to backers who want it) as stretch goals.

Anyway, that is almost definitely a much longer answer than you were looking for, so I'll stop now. I really do appreciate the great ask; having the chance to thing about a proper answer has helped me straighten a few conflicts in my head that were causing me a little worry. Hope you have a great day!

If you've read this far, thanks! Please reblog this if this sort of thing is something you'd be interested in supporting and would like to spread the word. I don't know when I'll be ready to start a campaign, but I want more than anything to get dates for my ops, recover to the extent I can, and do it soon.

[moonlit-mystery-writer]

I don’t feel right venting this in any of the servers I’m in as I don’t want to worry my friends, but want to get the feelings out. So vent post I go!

Tw past Suicidal thoughts mentioned

I really don’t want to get a job again. Like I want to earn money obviously, but the idea of going out into the working world again is making me sick to my stomach.

All I have to do today is edit up my resume a bit with my mother, but it’s enough to stress me the fuck out.

I wish I could just do commissions, but I’m not sure she’d understand it fully and I can’t even be confident that I could sustain myself on them.

I’m so fucking tired. I wouldn’t even have to be job searching if it wasn’t for my shitty ass step father. I dare try to take a long break after quitting a job that was actively making me suicidal and I’m clearly just a lazy leech. But his precious, drug addict actual criminal baby boy son who actively steals and purposely breaks our shit can shit on his ass for years on end. It’s a genuine surprise to everyone the asshole has kept his current job for so fucking long (Almost a year). Especially as the job before he worked a day before fucking quitting.

[spark1edog]

i’ve always been open to the constructive aspects of generative ai but there’s a lot of… dissonance. on one hand i understand that all art is derivative and there’s no such thing as true originality but on the other hand, it just irks me to hear the phrase “established AI artist.” like… it just fills me with Questions. and i’m trying to find some kind of middle ground because i’m very prone to instantly being vehemently “anti” or “pro” whatever side of any issue i care about.

i’d like to validate the accessibility point. as much as i say “if you can’t draw but want to be able to draw, you should draw anyway and you will naturally learn how to draw,” i see the other side. someone with tremors or hypermobility or any number of conditions that would disable someone from learning to draw by hand could absolutely find genuine value in ai art. i don’t want to take that away from anyone. i know some people also don’t have the time or energy or motivation to actually learn to draw. that’s also ok, not everyone has to be an artist. and not all artists have to do everything the same way.

learning how to create prompts is a skill, knowing about the model and program that you’re using to generate images is a skill set. i don’t have that skill set. I imagine i could figure it out, but i don’t think that’s intrinsically less valuable than writing a novel or coming up with a concept for art you want to make by hand. all of these are nebulous skills and there’s considerable overlap with what i feel a nudge to call “real art,” but i’ll use “manual art” instead. “real art” is a social construct as much as “real genders”

i hate talking about pricing also, i feel like it makes me seem greedy or self pitying. but i feel like there’s a difference in the amount of labor that goes into making manual vs ai art. i feel like manual artists should be offered more money. but that’s a feeling. there’s nuance. i don’t know enough about that part to draw a conclusion. i come from a place of trying for so, so many years to get anyone to even care about the art i make, let alone spend money on it. i come from a position of never having money as a kid and trying to sell my art so i could get a snack after school, to very little avail. im forever grateful for the handful of people who commissioned me when i was growing up. i think there were three or four. that’s more than a lot of people get.

part of my initial rejection of ai art as Art is that there’s such an audience for it. it’s resentment, but i don’t think i can fairly describe it as a resentment for ai artists or ai art as a concept, it’s a resentment towards the general public attitude towards manual art. the commodification of “gimmicky” things like ai, those “minimalist” faceless traced photos, and basically every successful art trend. resentment from how hard it is to find footing in the art world at all, especially as someone who often falls into slumps, therefore falling out of algorithmic favor and my reach being obliterated from not posting constantly. i don’t hate ai art on its own, and i certainly don’t hate the artists. but i hate how easy it is to make ai art. how even though it takes a few minutes to generate, you get 10x the result of hours of my work process. i resent the fact that i have to worry about it drowning out my and my peers’ work from the feeds of people who might resonate with it. i hate the circumstances that make ai art a “”threat.””

i hope this makes sense, it’s 4am and i took my meds a couple hours ago so im sleepy but. i had some thoughts.