#I don’t really think I succeeded at simplifying

[cntmtrarts]

In an effort to simplify my art some, I present to you - fifteen minute Daryls!

…why do they look like that tho…

[al-the-remix]

I know nothing about 911 but seeing all the bucktommy posts makes me really interested, if you don’t mind could you give a short introduction of the ship/which episode(s) to watch for them? Thanks!!

Hi! So the ship is a very new one and they don't have a lot of screen time yet, so their relationship only appears in season seven, episodes: 7x3 to 7x6 and then 7x9 and 7x10. Tommy Kinard as a side character also shows up in episodes 2x9, 2x12, 2x14 (in an off-screen capacity) and 2x16.

As for the introduction, the lore with this show runs sort of deep, but as condensed and simplified as I can give it to you: the decision to introduce bi!Buck and Tommy and his love interest was made very last minute (like as the first few episodes of season seven were coming out kind of last minute...) as the tv show switched networks from FOX to ABC and was working with a protracted season, (10 episodes in stead of 18), so this first season you see them together in has a very "let's see how well this works and if the general audience approves of it" kind of vibe.

Obviously, it worked for me! And the general reception has been good. Personally, I find their dynamic fun and genuine; the show runner was aiming for a non-heavy coming out story with a romcom twist, which I think they succeeded at. Buck (or "Evan" as Tommy calls him) is sort of the obvious favourite of the show in the audience and the writer's eyes, he's gotten a lot of development over the years, but has stagnanted recently on the romance side of things and also in his professional development, (which is partly the fault of the writers and partly just bad luck with maintaining actors). So I think a lot of fans are excited to see him "off the hamster wheel", as they say, in the love department. This opens up the possibility to explore other plot lines with him as a character in his professional life and personal life now that hes in a steady relationship.

Tommy we don't know much about yet, other than he was deeply in the closet when we first see him in the season 2 flash-back episodes. He's not initially a very warm, welcoming, and accepting person, but it's implied that a lot of that behavior was influenced by his environment and poor upbringing, and he is quick to make amends and befriend the main characters when he's shown to be in the wrong. He used to be in the army, and is a fan of cars, martial arts, and rom coms. The way he talks in the season seven episodes makes it clear that he's done a lot of self reflection since we've last seen him (and since he's come out). He's shown to be an open and honest person who does his best to show up for the people he cares for, and once Buck is in his line of sight, all that attention is turned his way.

I think with this ship what people are most excited about is the potential it demonstrates: Buck as a character is someone who's been on an aggressive misson of self discovery and understanding, he's been actively looking for a romantic partner to have a committed, mature relationship with, he's someone who's willing to give a lot of himself away to his partner and is desperately hoping to have that attention and affection mirrored back at him.

What little we know about Tommy so far makes it clear that he's mature and willing enough to be that person for Buck: if it works out and the writers allow him to be. I just really enjoy what little I've seen so far, and with the show being back to its regular 18 episodes next season and Tommy pretty much confirmed to return, I'm interested and invested and hopefully in where they may take this relationship next.

Also I feel like I need to add if you're going to engage with the fandom specifically for this ship, do it through the #bucktommy tag on tumblr, because it's a real mine field out there right now, lol.

[extra-joker-mush]

harley quinn yap fest 🃏❤️

finally articulating why i think the “mad love” harley origin story is inferior to harley just being a Good Student and succeeding at her job purely due to her own intellect

obviously the inherent misogyny of ‘sexypretty blonde can't do anything without using her body to achieve it’. i don’t think it’s necessarily a misogynist plotline, just like. come on  really ? that’s the best you could come up with dc ?? not my main point though.

i find it a much more compelling arc for her to have a successful career–maybe her family wasnt well off so growing up she struggled and aspired to succeed and be independent ( dramatic irony ) and she was just like. a well adjusted woman right. because it establishes a degree of intelligence that makes her descent that much more compelling. it’s a story that resonates with a lot of young women who feel pressured to be somehow Gifted or to excel in the pursuit of freedom and financial independence, but feel pigeonholed into a specific life by societal expectations. there is something that is (heretofore inarticulable) empowering about her agency in throwing it all away and just falling. no longer having to be responsible for her life or live up to anyone else's expectations. as she says in BTAS, she doesn’t have to listen to anyone else’s problems anymore. someone who (as we’ve established) is not only an intelligent woman but a trained psychiatrist, who knows all the warning signs–knows the kind of man joker is–and chooses to lean into it , to fall. that is, in a very fucked way, empowering, which is the harley quinn i love

side note, part of what i hate about BTAS harley–even if it’s not explicitly stated that she slept her way through school, she’s portrayed as pretty dumb in her falling for him so easily (TNBA). as in, literally falling for his overtly manipulative tactics. like i get it’s a show for children and they can’t go really in depth with her thought process/psychological spiral but to simplify. it really does just make her seem like Another Bubbleheaded Blonde Bimbo

liberation ! harley quinn is an overtly sexual character. it’s no fun if harleen slept her way to the top and subsequently became a sex icon, there’s no subversion of expectations there. think about how much more interesting it is to have a girl who did everything she’s supposed to do her whole life completely throwing it all away–against her better judgment, as a psychiatrist– to be, in her mind “free” (but completely under the thumb of a man). she’s sexually liberated ! she gets to use her body to her advantage (as she’s known to do in character) and feel that twisted power for the first time. harleen is repressed, harley is free

lastly ! i don’t need sexyschoolgirlharley to be canon for me to see harley as a flawed/immoral character (adding this purely because it's an argument i've seen made before that kinda pisses me off?). like even BTAS plays her as more of an antihero (like. REALLY more of an antihero. barely a villain ts). like to be completely frank her being a murderer is more than enough for me to see her in a bad light. i don’t need the “euueu but she was bad for sleeping her way to the top, she’s flawed” like yeah we get it She’s Bad And You Think Her Using Her Body Like That Is Bad. but it’s just so  fucking  boring.

I guess that’s my thesis then .. like its Just FUcking Boring. Get Creative , do something interesting and Compelling for once. harley is one of the most culturally desecrated dc icons SOMEBODY DO MY GIRL SOME JUSTICE

[junoshifts]

heyyy💗 I'm here to ask for advice on my shifting journey

I've been really serious about shifting this month but I just can't change my mindset I feel like i don't truly set the intention to wake up in my dr and always think id wake up in my dr again I've tried reya Singh reprogramming but then again i wasn't able to change the thought of waking up in my cr and i somehow don't know how to connect to my dr

Hello love! To begin, congratulations on trusting yourself enough to know that there’s something that needs to change in your journey and mindset— This is already a good start. As I mentioned in another reply, everyone’s journey is unique. What works for one individual may not work for you, and what works for you may not be the best approach for someone else! This being said, it’s clear that you’ve put in a lot of work into reframing your mindset, especially in the last month.  

Let’s break this down together! First, you say that you feel like you can’t change your mindset. Even if you may think otherwise, this is false. Your mindset and attitude towards life, shifting, and your Self changes every day, even when you can’t see it. The person you are now isn’t the person you were last months, and that’s a step in itself! I am not entirely familiar with Reya’s reprogramming, but when it comes to the human mind, writing things down helps to solidify new neural pathways (this is a simplified explanation of a scientific concept, but you’re welcome to explore this on your own as well). Try setting up a journal or even just a digital page in your notes— What mindset do you want to embody? What do you want your approach to shifting to be? What do you want to see from your shifting journey? Describe the mindset you want to hold and remind yourself that even with doubts, your manifestations are possible and within your grasp. 

To your second point— Waking up in your CR. From my own perspective, shifting and manifesting go hand in hand. Each decision you make is another reality, another path, another future. Even the smallest things— such as deciding what to eat for breakfast or when to wake up— set the course for your day. Shifting is similar: Just because you don’t physically see the results of your effort and work, that doesn’t mean you aren’t succeeding in some way. Each shift or attempt is one step closer to your DR, teaching you that you are capable and able to shift. It’s like riding a bike: some people might pick it up easily, other people might stumble and fall their first time, but at the end of the day you’re able to pick the bike back up and keep going. 

This may seem a bit silly or annoying to say, but be patient with yourself and show yourself compassion and kindness moving forward. You’re learning with each and every day, and reminding yourself that changes in mindset may not be instantaneous can provide a small comfort to you. You’re on the right path and you’re getting there, you will shift, even with any doubts or worries in mind. 

When it comes to connecting to your DR, that would likely be another longer post that I’m happy to write out. My messages are always open (though replies may be slow), and I’m wishing you love and luck on your journey. 💛

[synesindri]

the thing is that there are two ways of looking at archangel-true vessel relationships (ok more than two but let’s go simple for now): each entity as fundamentally distinct from the other despite the similarities and fate connection, and each entity as being actually just a component of the other. two halves made whole in the poetical sense of partnership (each is one of two, 1/2) or in the more mathematical sense of being different facets of a single unit/each other’s shadow versions (each is .5 of 1).

most of the fandom focus has been on the relationship between two distinct individuals, which is fair enough but i do think canon (especially early on when the true vessels thing is introduced) invites you to think about both. and personally i’ve always been 100% willing to go in on the idea that an archangel and true vessel are facets of the same entity. i don’t think that is 100% accurate to what is going on, but i am willing to pretend it is. i don’t think that’s any more simplistic than over-simplifying the other direction and considering them totally distinct either.

and look ok. the thing is that two pieces of one individual just do not have to relate to each other the way two separate individuals do. finding new parts of yourself can be like meeting another person, like damn who even am i?? i’ve felt this way when dealing with particularly negative emotions, and when reckoning with parts of my identity i had either repressed or not ever needed to confront before. it’s weird and unsetttling, but i’m not literally a separate person from myself because of bits of me i dislike or feel alienated from. i do not consent, necessarily, to those parts of me being part of me, they just ARE. i can’t banish them just by saying i don’t want them in my life the way i (theoretically) could with another person (who i would hope would respect my boundaries). i can either decide to be how i am indefinitely, or i can accept that that’s part of me and try to change it. but that’s not the same as how i would interact with another person and it wouldn’t make sense to treat it that way (your mileage may vary, maybe you are better at self-distancing than i am). consent is a different experience when it’s about aspects of your actual self.

is that thee most accurate way of going about it? tbh i don’t really care because i do think it is THERE in the show, it’s a fair line of analysis even if it isn’t The Best, and it is what is most personally compelling and exciting to me.

and like yes i do call myself an archangel/true vessel shipper but am i really? i’ve personally never been sure. it’s more like selfcest to me than anything, mostly. and i totally get why that wouldn’t be for everyone but i think it at least partially explains why i have not. like. succeeded at or really enjoyed engaging with especially samlucifer in ways many other people do or assume that i would

[theriu]

So I’m planning to do a fully colored drawing of Ol’ Stinky Jess as soon as I can get to it, but I’m also rather nervous trying to design a character that a lot of people have apparently grown attached to and may have their own mental images of by now, but I’m ALSO impatient and want to show off the concept work I did yesterday, so I’m gonna make this post separate from the main Stinky Jess post and save that reblog for the finished piece. 

But anyway, HERE'S WHAT WE HAVE SO FAR:

Okay let me explain my choices/thoughts here:

She’s relatively young here, maybe 18-22. (Costume changes as she grows are an option)

It has always been my plan to make her tall and gangly. I feel I succeeded! Which delights me, because ya’ll don’t know how challenging it is for me to draw any body type other than “average.”

Iconic swamp tribe leaf hat is HARD TO DRAW FROM THE FRONT but I MANAGED IT

I wanted some callbacks to the swamp tribe as we see them in A:TLA, BUT this is also supposed to take place somewhere between 700 and 1,000 years PRIOR to the show, so it only makes sense there would be some cultural/fashion differences. If anything, I worry I made TOO MANY similarities to the modern-day garb, because fashion changes, but some things also make sense because of the setting (and the show super simplified their outfits), so I’m probably overthinking it?

Our one glimpse of female swampbenders in the show has them in skirts, but that’s not the main reason I gave her a skirt. No, the MAIN reasons are 1) modesty (which I think fits, esp. since this would have been closer to the time when the original settlers came from the Southern Water Tribe, which sported a lot more clothing), and 2) I thought it would be super in-character and funny for her to do that thing where you “gird up your loins” i.e. tie up your robe/dress/skirt for fighting/action. It just feels like something she would do. XD (I actually tried this and you def need a long, full skirt for it to work, although she might just tuck the ends into her belt.)

I was experimenting with the leaf shirt but I really like it! Just makes sense to me that they could make cool clothing out of sewing leaves together. =D The neck hole could be as simple as a hole cut in a large leaf (there’s likely some kind of underpinning to keep the leaves from tearing). Tempted to add leaves sticking out over her shoulders.

Pigtails because that also feels like her. I had to restrain myself from adding freckles, as that felt like one too many clichés.

Anyway, what do ya’ll think? Any suggestions/ideas? Anything seem really off? Feel free to leave a Reply/Ask, I welcome the feedback!

~River/The RIU

[3000-yen-jelly]

Ok so like. People love misinterpreting that and it pisses me off so bad because by simplifying Naruto to “sunshiny happy one” and Sasuke to “grumpy cold one” or whatever the fuck, they’re completely misunderstanding the dynamic and balance between the two. Naruto is actually very very angry about what the village did to him and he’s very emotional. He keeps himself positive in the hopes that no one will recognize his anger. He wears his heart on his sleeve for anything except for that and I think it’s because he doesn’t really want to admit that the village he’s put his all into protecting and loving is very conditional in its love for him. Sasuke on the other hand is so deeply caring and loving, so much so that it’s literally a clan trait. He forces himself to suppress it because he doesn’t know what else to do. I personally feel that he knows abt the uchiha connection to emotions and how they feel them very strongly and I wonder if he thinks that’s what happened to his brother. The emotion he felt was hate and because it was so strong, it overtook him and he killed everyone. I think that it led Sasuke to be scared of his own emotions, not knowing how powerful they could be.  

WVEN THEIR RESPECTIVE COLORS?????? Blue and orange being contrasting colors hrgechehhrgr. Naruto was literally the one person who Sasuke could not break his attachment with and it was so severe he felt the only solution was to kill him and there is not a soul alive that can convince me that if he succeeded he wouldn’t have killed himself afterwards. I genuinely think he would’ve because there’s no way he would’ve been able to handle it. And then Naruto being so attached to Sasuke to the point where it puts his teammates in danger because he is so dedicated to saving him he refuses to kill him despite being p much the only one who could. Which brings me to the final fight. I don’t think they were aiming to kill. Either of them. I know Naruto wasn’t but I can’t help but feel like Sasuke wasn’t either. He was trying his best to get himself to but I don’t think he was. 

God these two are like. So insanely tied together. They’re literally the only one who gets the other. I watched the two slow dancers amv and OUGEHRGR. They’re both dealt the worst hands and how do you even cope with that? AND TGE WHOLE SUN AND MOON PARALLEL???? GODDDDDD IM INSANE. Naruto literally stares at the moon at night thinking abt Sasuke I’m sick to my stomach these two r so gay it actually makes me mad.  

Anyways that’s not even everything but I have to take my dog out so.  Thank u for letting me be insane in ur inbox heart hands. OH MY GOD I JUST REMEMBERED GHE LAUGH AT THE END OF THE FIGHT WHEN THEYRE LAYINH NEXT TO EACH OTHER BLEEDING OUT AND SASUKE LAUGHS AND CRIES BECAUSE HES HAPPY IM DHFJBRKGRAHAGSHMGRAHMRVGARGRHAMR

Anyways have a nice day :33

Honestly I forgot that they have such a compelling narrattive, especially in the extremes as you mentioned and I liked reading your rant!!! Really brought back memories.

Thank you sm for distracting me <3

[queenmarytudor]

Hi! I love your posts about Mary I's successful rebellion to seize the throne. You mentioned that there are a lot of inaccuracies in how historians talk about the rebellion, like the myth that Mary was almost tricked into coming to court. Could you talk about more inaccuracies, and generally, more about the rebellion?

So, I've just screenshotted a random book to show the standard myth of Mary in 1553.

It boils down to -

A - Mary didn't know about the coup against her

B - Mary was at Hoddesdon, in the process of visiting Edward when she did find out

But this narrative can be destroyed - by a letter from John Dudley himself! The following document is catalogued as 1551, but the events referenced clearly refer to 1553.

Jon Dudley writes to William Cecil -

After stating she might bring disorder and unquiet to the realm, he writes

So with this information let's look at the previous points.

A. Mary didn't know about the coup against her

She clearly knew something about the coup. 

Dudley and the Privy Council know her servants have been having private conversations with the Emperor’s ambassador in the middle of the night. 

This is confirmed as being true by a Spanish source in July stating “Mr. Rouster [Robert Rochester] who has come several times in secret to the ambassador during these troubles.” 

Why all the secrecy if Mary & co believed Dudley and the Privy Council were going to declare her queen? 

An Italian in London that met the ambassadors wrote in late July that Mary “made all her preparations in secret, and succeeded in lulling the Duke to such good effect that he really believed her to be so good and simple that he would be able to seize her person whenever he might care to do so.”

B.  Mary was at Hoddesdon, in the process of visiting Edward when she did find out

There is no contemporary evidence that Mary even left Hunsdon before fleeing, never mind getting as far as Hoddesdon. The only source of her being summoned to court mentions it as a rumour on the 15th June “It is thought the Princess may also be summoned with the pretext of a visit to her brother.” 

In his letter, Dudley implies they thought it likely Mary was coming to see Edward, but there’s no mention of them summoning her, or of either party arranging a visit. 

Other debunked myths

. No evidence Mary fled in a serving maid disguise. 

.No evidence Nicholas Throckmorton was the one to inform Mary of her brother’s death (via a goldsmith) except his own words at his own trial when trying to save his life.

Overall, I think historians just tend to gloss over her actions in the summer of 1553 and simplify it as common people flocked to her banner = she won. 

Which is true, but Mary wasn’t just doing nothing! She was writing letters and proclamations, sending people out to convince their family and friends to support her, holding sons hostage to get their father’s support, etc. There was a lot of stuff happening behind the scenes that unfortunately, because we don’t have loads of information, are ignored. 

[vonkarma2]

30, 34, 44, 46, 48 for your pick on the oc ask?

since there’s only 3 characters and picking who to answer the questions for was stressful to me I’m going to answer all of them for everyone. So this way it’s 3 times the amount of work <3 whatever it’s ok. Answers will probably be more simplified than usual

30. How would they relax on a day off/rainy day?

Vera: Probably just reading and staying inside. I think she would like needlework and things like that she’s find it relaxing. I don’t think she really prefers the outdoors or particularly loud or crowded places. If she wanted to go out to do something I think she’d enjoy like. Live music and performances and things like that. Very fancy and expensive events. 

Lupe: I feel like she’s bothered by being alone for long periods of time, like gets antsy or whatever. She’s intimidated by strangers but she doesn’t like being alone either. The type to be easily bored. I think she’d have a lot of gatherings with like a small group of friends. She would be pretty good at making new friends but not really that interested in maintaining contact with them like she simply does not care. But yeah she’d probably spend some time with other people + she’s definitely a city person so going out for drinks or whatever that type of thing. 

Estrella: Smoking and staring mysteriously into the horizon. No. I feel like during the day they do a lot of physical work for their job. I don’t know anything about sailing but I would imagine it’s pretty demanding. It spends a lot of time ummm battening down the hatched. But basically because of that its idea of relaxation is just very little physical activity. It probably doesn���t like crowded areas either + I think it wouldn’t hate going into the city but wouldn’t prefer it either. Going to some nice secluded area or mostly empty fantasy tavern type place. Or just staying inside. They’re only like 35 and already this tired smh

34. Do they have a dream job?

I don’t want to put everyone’s name every time the formatting on this is going to be so awkward. Umm. Vera I think doesn’t actively want to lead the country necessarily because she has 2 older siblings right so she hasn’t realistically seen it as an option. Her dream job is probably just continuing to be a member of the royal family in a very similar way to how she is now, though she’d like to engage more directly with the nation’s people + maybe even with world politics in the future.

At the beginning of the story Lupe’s just an heir or whatever, like she gets her position basically through happenstance at first and she doesn’t really want it. A lot of the time early on when she’s trying to be strategic or cunning it’s just out of trying to protect her own position rather than ambition. So I would say early on her dream job is one where she has to do as little work as you could possibly imagine. Absolutely no motivation or passions in life at all. But as the story goes on and she starts to feel like her place in life that she’s meant to have or whatever is to have power over other people she starts to want to control the country just because she thinks she could and she’s surprised she’s good at it. Succeeding in business when she was 100% sure she’d fail and get eaten alive made her feel more powerful or whatever. + like she was already kind of entitled before then but now she’s more focused and since shes never actually been interested in anything before she’s like wow… this feels so right… this is what I’m meant to be doing. Or whatever yk. 

Estrella… I think it already has its ideal life right now like it’s very peaceful for the time being it has close family members and all. It regrets a lot in its past but because it remembers that so well it tends to keep its expectations very low. It’s already doing pretty close to the best it could hope for yk. And it’s not really interested in a more engaging career, it likes the simplicity of physical labor and finds it rewarding or whatever.

44. Do they lie often? Are they good at it?

Vera is pretty bad at it because she’s so sincere. She’s used to getting her way anyway like she’s a literal princess so she wouldn’t have had music reason to lie or hide her true thoughts or whatever since she’s not actually involved in politics, she was expected mostly to be like a model child + later young woman + that did come pretty naturally to her. She’s pretty outspoken when keeping quiet would benefit her and she’s bad at keeping track of what information people would or wouldn’t have, so she’d unintentionally give a lot away. She compensates for this during the story by being paranoid + talking to as few people as possible.

Lupe is incredible at lying, it’s basically her only skill and I would say like the main point of her character honestly. She never would have gotten this far if she wasn’t really really good at manipulation and getting people to respect her or to underestimate her or whatever. Good at using people’s pre existing perceptions and telling them what they want or expect to hear. Probably does it pretty casually in daily life too and doesn’t think twice about it. Mostly does it to make things easier for herself.

Estrella I think is extremely good at lying. They’re good at like keeping a calm demeanor in every situation (not just outwardly, either, they have a lot of control over their own emotions as well.) They say everything in a very neutral tone anyway, and they’re good at thinking of convincing lies whenever prompted bc they used to have to do that very often. They don’t like doing it unless in an actually serious situation because it makes them feel manipulative + like they’re taking advantage of people, though they would definitely to it to spare people’s feelings and make them less scared. It’s like a tool they have that they usually use for practical purposes only, but sometimes also just out of pity or to make themselves feel better.

46. How do others see them? How accurate is it to how they really are?

As a public figure Vera is I think mostly ignored. People only cared abt the royal family as an idea and as a political entity. Those opposed or ambivalent towards the monarchy basically see her like, the same as any teenager, and even people who like really respect it and buy into it don’t think abt her much LOL. Which she’s not really aware of, like she knows she’s not as relevant or beloved as her parents obviously and she’s fine with that, but she does think she’d get a lot more respect than she actually has. 

At first people see Lupe pretty accurately to how she actually is, which is a spoiled and clueless nepotism baby who’s never had to work for anything in her life. They think she’s easily overwhelmed. And that is true at first, but they do vastly underestimate her cognitive and strategic. Abilities. And so she increasingly has a better handle on things, and the impression becomes increasingly inaccurate. Later on she does the opposite and manages to convince people she’s stronger and more capable than she really is. 

People who don’t know anything abt Estrella, which is most people, actually kind of like it like it’s usually pretty quiet but it does its job very reliably it’s very polite and I feel like its presence would usually put people at ease. Almost no one is ever actually threatened by them, at worse they find them a little off puttingly terse if theyre the type that likes to make conversation with everyone, but since they’re pretty pleasant to be around they’re respected by their work associated. People see it as dependable which is generally true, though it is the type to protect people close to them above all else and if something came up they’d like. Betray anyone else instantly they wouldn’t even try to find another solution. This probably sounds a bit off it’s because I have a couple of specific situations in mind that I’m referencing ok umm in general people are right that they’re a nice calm and peaceful person but they’re wrong in that they don’t know anything abt its past or the various crimes it has committed or been witness to + also theyre unaware of. I wouldn’t say ruthless but like resigned to violence it can be.

48. What are they most afraid of?

Vera’s worst fears are basically just like. Her storyline 😞. First of all she’s 16 and her entire family is dead so that’s not a very good situation in general. She’s constantly on the run and having to rely on the citizens of another country, and she has become very paranoid so it’s like almost a constant state of some amount of stress yk. More importantly than that though you could probably say her greatest fear is like. What she believes to be the foundation of her country and the actual foundation of her worldview being disrupted. Like the monarchy being replaced with something she sees as corrupted or whatever. I mean it is corrupted they’re literally getting her country involved in a war. And it’s like maybe this seems pretty general and not tied into her personality specifically 

A big part of Lupe’s character is that she’s incredibly cowardly and afraid of physical pain. She’s often intimidated by other people in general + though she tries not to show it she hates being yelled at or openly confronted. Physical pain 

It’s hard to say anything abt this with Estrella without sounding like melodramatic 😭 and overly serious or whatever. Come on losing their family being pulled back into an environment where they have to use violence to survive. Let’s go other than that ummm I think other than that it’d be afraid of isolation from everywhere else like. It’s not very social but it needs to feel like other people exist in the world to feel grounded. It’s probably irrationally nervous about getting somehow lost at sea. And really really hates the idea of going to prison.

[bi-demon-ium]

MBS S2 EP5 LIVEBLOG

going insane. also love that this season is road trip season

“we gotta think like europeans if we’re gonna track Europeans” LFKJGDLKFJG I SIMPLIFIED IT FOR YOU

MARTINA!!!!!!!!!!!! MY GIRL!!!!!!!! MARTINA MARTINA MARTINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and she isn’t captain :((

oh you deserve better

THE COMICALLY LONG PHONE LINE LDKFJGDFGHHFGH

wow martina is so cool

wait why does constance have a doll that is beyond creepy

yeah throwing it is the understandable reaction

DR GARRISON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOW WE’RE JUST GETTING TREATED HUH

NOW WHERE’S SQ

I mean we kinda figured but still

her “Hello Constance” was so menacing what the fuck

ANYWAY THEME YES YES YES YES YES

rhonda looks gorgeous as always<3 I love her

also gayfear.png we already know rhondas going off on her own if they make this a thing with miss perumal and milligan im .

ohhh I bet rhondas going to find dr garrison and constance

TRENTONIUM DLKFGJ

like trenton lee stewart 😩

shes gonna find dr garrison isn’t she

“one never splits the party voluntarily”

“unfortunately that icant do”

YOU DON’T LIKE HER? SHE HAS THE OPTIMAL FACIAL PROPORTIONS LKDFJGLDKJLKFGHJFGH DR GARRISON

SHE IS OPTIMAL TO STUFF DOWN YOUR WINDPIPE DEATH WILL BE SWIFT

PLEASE I ADORE THEM BOTH

DR GARRISON YOU WEIRD LITTLE MAN

and just shoving it off the bed

also lmao he DID just blame her

she knows about the side effects

oh she really is going full mad scientist huh

wow shes going full nutjob huh

ohhh this is bad actually

I mean good (fun) but bad (terrifying)

ghost in the windmill, the dancer in the dark

I NEED TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM

oh shes. scary. shes scary

I love constance

ohhh the brains—YEAH

FUCK

no more embarrassing trace memories? uh oh

garrison: I HAVE ETHICS UNLIKE THAT BITCH!

also garrison: I will mind wipe the child

LDKFJGLKDFJGLKFDJG NUMBER TWO KICKING IN THE DOOR

also number two and curtain one on one interaction uh oh

and number two’s WORSD I love her

IVE TRIED AND SUCCEEDED TO BE CIVIL MAAM

curtain believes that I think, in some way, that he’s relieved him of the constant grip of depression and “angst”

number two I love you but this is not going to work

what are you going to do stuff the mandarin down his throat

SHES SO FUNNY

HER AND CONSTANCE HANDSHAKE EMOJI

also love that hes trying to manipulation salad her

I hate him

“im not hungry” oh really

STOP TRYING TO HYPNOTIZE HER

that’s what mr benedict said darling.

also her obstinate tone

“you are carrying a great deal of pain, aren’t you?” oh… oh,, and her reaction, im going to kill someoen

LOST YEARS?? im going to kill CURTAIN

“his service” “his organization” fuck you

I hate you curtain so much I hate you

CHANGED IT TO A STUPID PUN

“nicholas” fuck im going to kill you

I hate curtain so much

NARCOLEPSY MENTION. FINALLY

and curtain wont even acknowledge that part

of course he’ll choose to stay when he’s whammied that isn’t a good or fair option

DKKJLFGLKGFJ SHE JUST TAKES THE PLATE WITH HER

I ADORE HER

commercial break.

I am terrified.

bro im sooo terrified

vibrating with anxiety

ohhhh we’re back ahahhahaahahaha I am Shaking

ldgkhjgh the kids just. walking sadly

think this is the bit where reynie screams

“Terrible roommate. good friend”

DLFKGJDLFKGJ MARTINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ADORE HER

also want to see her interact with the other kids

“CURTAIN CANT SOTP KIDNAPPING” DLKFGJDFGJ

“I cant believe I once looked up to that man”

ohhh :/ so the institute transcripts are worthless

“but none of that matters anymore. I have a mission”

A LEADER LKJGKLFJHFGH

OKAY MARTINA<3

“doesn’t your team need this gear?” “yeah probably”

IF THEY CANT APPRECIATE WHAT I BRING MAYBE THEY DON’T GET A VAN

oh no. oh no. the kids. hes using a kid. that’s bad

oh god that’s bad

“a joyful lens” uh oh

UH OH THIS IS BAD THIS IS BAD

USING A KID? AGAIN? OH FUCK

FUCK

oit cant be the only way but it’s gotta be important

oh so the cult members can infect each other? terrifying

no one will be left out of this family….. ohh…….

oh presenting him with the clothes that’s .. ominiosu considering the promo pic with mr b in the clothes

yeah of course he’s sanguine! he’s been whammied! that’s pretty clear!

oncde again only curtain calling him nicholas :/

it is weird that he’s claiming to be undercover though is he totally whammied or not

oh curtain sort of . forcing him to stay

“AN ENDLESS CHASM OF SHEER TERROR.” “OR A VOID. UTTER NOTHINGNESS.” “OHH”

I continue adore jackson and jillson

OH NO

OH NO THEY WERE COMPLAINING OF A STIFF NECK AND MARLON JUST CROOKED HIS NECK

the water polo team glaring at constance lol

“we were underfunded”

they’re so bitchy I love it

shes so funny

CONSTANCE IS ALSO SO FUNNY

hello constance its so nice to have you back

terrifying

martina youre such a bitch (affectionate)

that’s such an obvious thing to miss???? did you even look

they’re just full on tracks did you even fucking look ldgkjldkjlkfgjhh I love you all

sticky youre so funny

also I love martina

im so scared during this commercial break<3

RHONDA… OH I LOVE YOU

RHONDA I ADORE YOU SO MUCH I LOVE THIS LOOK WOW

i love all her looks though to be fair

CHEMIST. having a baby

rhonda did you just got some new dad fired oh no lkgdjhfgh

and specifically saying a chemist just gets me

:(

MACHINE GRAVE

oh shes not doing it

to be fair I don’t know if she can do it on command last time it was kind of stressful

wow that worked surprisingly well just throwing a helmet at it I love her

wow garrison looks even more crazy evil mad scientist now

the old fashinoned way? terrifying

ooh the subtle theme song

lkfgjfg kate and her spyglass<3

until we proverbially find her lfkgjfgkhfgh

sticky & martina keep agreeing ,

reynie keeps thinking of things right at the right time. reynie ex machina

LKDFJGLKDFJGKDJFG SHES USING THE FUCKING. I FORGET WHAT THEY’RE CALLED. THE CARDS

YOU FEMALE CHILD

GARRISON IS LOSING IT HUH

weird parallel to curtain’s brainwashing kid

except shes going to break dr garrison

AND NOW SHES THE ONE GOING [OBVIOUSLY NOT FINE] I AM FINE

oh shes legit literally about to cry and/or scream

ohhh this is the reynie screaming scene I just know it

or soon

ohhh fuck

bunker! bunker! bunker!

or cellar

ah kate’s turn to find it <33

if they just burst in along with rhonda thatd be very funny I want rhonda, all the kids, martina, constance, and dr garrison to have a huge spiderman point session

martina DFILKJDGJFG “KATE PICK THE LOCK” GIRL SHES ALREADY DOING THAT I LOVE YOU

oh no miss perumal and milligan alone scene please don’t make this a thing

DEEPIKA? FIRST NAME FOR MISS PERUMAL? FIRST NAME FOR MISS PERUMAL?

I don’t love how we got it but

ALSO OH NO THEY’VE BEEN GOT

sensory issues lmao its soft “its soft!”

I know it’s the brainwashing but autism<3

you don’t have his ear. he has you.

im going to cry.

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR BROTHER. HE’S COMING WITHUS”

nfiugdmrmtliKLJFKG NUBMER TWO YOURE GOING TO FUCKING KIDNAP IHM?

I LOVE HO SO MUCH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IM LITERALLY GOING TO CRY THIS IS SO GOOD

AND THIS EXTREMELY BLOOD METAPHOR AND HIS EXPRESSION THIS IS SO FUNNY

but you will be together

“well that part, I like” ohhhhhhh

UH OH WE WERE RIGH TTHERE’S MARLON! FROZEN! FUCK

IS THAT DR GARRISON JUST SOBBING FLKGJFHJFGHFGH

THIS IS SO FUNNY

I LOVE HER SO MUCH CONSTANCE IS MY FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORL

DR GARRISON JUST HEADDESKING

CONSTANCE HURT HER

[dr garrison visibly crying] I MA PERFECTLY FINE

maam youre fully having a breakdown

uh oh! Brainsweeper for all of them!

WAIT NO NO YOU CANT END THERE

I mean I assume rhonda will show up but

FUCK

FUCK FUCK FUCK

[thegodwithin]

hi! im kind of new to law of assumption and old to law of attraction. law of assumption is not a hard concept but im a bit confused. i find myself reacting to the 3D too much and like i find it hard to persist? what do i do to make persisting easier? i think it’s because i don’t know much about what im getting into?? all i know is affirm and persist and etc. i hear things like time is an illusion, the 3D is an illusion, circumstances don’t matter, we are all gods of our reality. but WHERES the proof?? i can’t blindly follow people’s success stories because im not them and if we are truly the gods of our realities, doesn’t that mean someone else can manifest failure in mine? like i want to use law of assumption and i want to believe to get what I want fast and easily BUT i want to know how it works and that im not following a delusion to make myself feel better and in the end, I am just left with disappointment and failed attempts at manifesting that left me with the consequences of my actions. ive been in the community for almost 2 years and i don’t think ive ever gotten results. i am not usually agitated but it’s exhausting. i affirm and persist and nothing shows up and im worried im doing it all wrong so i ask and now I’m even affirming wrong?? I know manifestation is supposed to be easy and not feel like a chore but how can it not when everything I desire is of so much importance to me. I can even dm you, just please help me so I can actually manifest what I want. I’ve done self concept but I keep breaking. I don’t even know what affirmations to use to combat my limiting beliefs. Tbh I’m tired. I feel like if someone explained to me how this works and how to do it with no mistakes and how to keep faith in the unseen, I could actually get what I want. I keep failing and failing because I affirm and persist but I affirm wrong or I have a limiting belief that hasn’t been uncovered yet. I’m so exhausted and I just want to get what I want. I just feel like if someone told me how it works and exactly what to do, I wouldn’t be so confused and find it hard to persist.

Hey, so I just want to say that I really understand you. It’s funny how as I read your ask for the first time it really stood out to me how it was reflecting my current state at that moment so thank you for sending it. I will try my best to answer your questions but I'm still figuring this stuff out myself so I'm also just going to recommend some material that should help. I’ll put all the links at the end of the reply.

I have broken up your ask into several different topics and I’ll be addressing each one separately so please bear with me here.

This is the longest reply I've ever written so the rest is under the cut

law of assumption is not a hard concept but im a bit confused.

i think it’s because i don’t know much about what im getting into?? all i know is affirm and persist and etc.

I just feel like if someone told me how it works and exactly what to do, I wouldn’t be so confused and find it hard to persist.

The first and most important thing I want to say to you is that you should really learn from the source material, which as far as I’m concerned here is Neville Goddard. I know there are other teachers like him but he’s the main source most blogs and youtubers make their content from. And frankly a lot of posts on tumblr seem to really simplify and reduce things to the point where you get to this idea that it’s all just affirming and persisting which I really can’t agree with. That’s a conclusion one can reach after learning this stuff, processing it, experimenting with it and realizing what works best for them. But there are certainly other factors involved in the process, whether the person was aware of them or not. This also goes for youtubers and coaches in general. All these people are speaking based on their own experiences with the law. Through the lenses of their own beliefs, limitations, etc. So it’s only natural that they will sound different from each other and their message and style might not resonate with every person in the same way. Which is why you’re not supposed to just accept everything you hear or read at face value. Apply it, experiment with it and make your own conclusions.

like i want to use law of assumption and i want to believe to get what I want fast and easily BUT i want to know how it works and that im not following a delusion to make myself feel better and in the end, I am just left with disappointment and failed attempts at manifesting that left me with the consequences of my actions. ive been in the community for almost 2 years and i don’t think ive ever gotten results.

Most of us come into contact with the law from a negative situation and looking for a quick fix, and what we end up finding is a whole lot more than we ever bargained for. These teachings challenge everything we have ever known and accepted as absolute unchangeable truths in the world. And we are also dared to accept the responsibility that we were the cause of our entire lives?! It’s a lot to take in. You can’t be one foot in and one foot out. You’re trying to manifest something but you’re not seeing results. If you’re looking for results then you weren’t truly committed to living in the end and you haven’t really changed. You must notice the change within first, before the outside world can reflect that. You just give yourself what you want in your mind, and you keep doing it, day in and day out, with complete disregard for what your outer senses are telling you, until it hardens into a fact.

i find myself reacting to the 3D too much and like i find it hard to persist? what do i do to make persisting easier?

Battling with the 3d can certainly be painful and it just turns into a vicious cycle, because the more attention you pay to something, the more it gets perpetuated in your reality and in your experiences. I’ll be honest with you, sometimes I struggle with this as well. If anything, at least remember to prioritize your feelings at every given moment. If you notice that you’re feeling bad / reacting negatively to the 3d, stop and ask yourself: what do I want? or what do I want to feel?

Usually when I do that my mind automatically shows me the answer and then if I can enter the reality (within me, in my mind with my thoughts and feelings) where those things are true, suddenly that circumstance I was just reacting to doesn’t matter anymore. Because I feel fulfilled within now.

Just start allowing yourself to have what you want, no matter what. Practice putting yourself first, before anything else, before the circumstances around you, before what others might say or do. Even if the 3d looks bad right now, you deserve to feel what you want, you don’t have to keep putting yourself down because you haven’t seen an outside change yet. And the truth is that you won’t see a change if you keep watching the 3d and taking score from it. Because it can only change after you do. Because it’s a reflection of you. Allow yourself to feel that relief and satisfaction, in your imagination, everyday. Make it a habit and little by little you will have changed your mindset, entering a new reality.

Everything in your 3d world is an illusion in the sense that it’s not the truth. And this is because everything that you experience with your senses, in your 3d world is a direct reflection of you. You are everything, and you are everywhere you go and every person you meet. You can only ever experience yourself, nothing else. Nothing exists outside of you. Everything begins and ends with you.

and if we are truly the gods of our realities, doesn’t that mean someone else can manifest failure in mine?

You are God of your own reality. There’s only you in your reality. Nothing else and no one else. So everything and everyone that shows up is under your influence. IN YOUR REALITY. You can’t really access other people’s realities or inner worlds, and likewise they can’t reach yours. Even what you perceive as things outside of you pertaining to other people’s lives and experiences are still coming in through your own lenses, of the concept you have of that person, of the expectations and beliefs you have about them. This is why you shouldn’t bother with anything but yourself. Because it’s a waste of energy. Because everything you will ever perceive will come through you first. You can’t experience anything but yourself, your beliefs and your expectations. If you believe others can influence your reality then you are living from fear and you are giving your power away.

i hear things like time is an illusion, the 3D is an illusion, circumstances don’t matter, we are all gods of our reality. but WHERES the proof??

Instead of trying to manifest things in order to “see proof”, just let things happen and watch yourself during the process. Start really paying attention to what you’re thinking and feeling on a daily basis. Notice that your thoughts and reactions come from a certain state of being. Notice how people act in ways that you expect them to, because “that’s just how they are”.No, it’s because that’s the concept you hold of them in your reality, and they treat you according to the concept you hold of yourself. By doing this you will start to realize the connection between what has shown up in your life so far, and the person you were identifying with within. And when I say identifying with, I don’t mean something like an affirmation such as “I’m confident”. Your identification and basically your self concept comes from your perspective, the way you see things, the way you react to things and the way you act, the thoughts you have and what you accept as true. Those will show you who you really are.

i can’t blindly follow people’s success stories because im not them

The thing with success stories is that as much as they can be motivational, the process and the factors are always the same. They succeeded because they managed to change their mindset, they entered a new reality (within), they changed their dwelling place (the state of being they return to the most) and their outer reality simply reflected that change. Their circumstances are irrelevant and the only thing setting them apart is the techniques they used and how long it took for them to actually shift their mindset and accept the new reality they wanted. Techniques are not really that relevant because they only serve to aid you into moving states. So at this point it’s really just about what works best for you.

i affirm and persist and nothing shows up and im worried im doing it all wrong so i ask and now I’m even affirming wrong??

There’s no such thing as affirming wrong. And please take affirming off the pedestal. It’s just a technique and you don’t need to use it if it’s troubling you. Affirmations are just thoughts you would be having if you were living in the end. So their purpose is only to help make you feel like you are living in the wish fulfilled. There’s no point in affirming all day long if you keep feeling like you’re in the same old shitty reality. Again it’s the same thing I’ve been saying before. You can’t affirm for two opposite things at the same time and get the result you want. Use affirmations as much as you like but watch yourself for the rest of the time.

The reason this isn’t a trying process is because you’re not attempting to do anything to get something. You are simply being in a different way. You are changing your mind, changing your thoughts, choosing better feelings. This is a lifestyle change. If you accept the law, your entire perception changes. Nothing is ever the same as it used to be. This can be a hard pill to swallow but at some point you gotta be honest with yourself. There is no trying. There is only doing and there is only being.

i am not usually agitated but it’s exhausting.

I’m so exhausted and I just want to get what I want

You’re exhausted because you keep going back and forth between what you want and what has shown up. You need to pick one side and stick to it. You need to dive so deep into the feeling of what you want to the point where thinking the opposite feels unnatural. I know you don’t wanna hear this but thinking you’re doing something wrong really is also getting in your way. Think about it this way: you’re in the end goal, you’re there, it’s done, you got it. Would you be thinking about ANY of this stuff if that was the case? Would you be doubting and having all these fears and looking around everyday to make sure it’s still there? We both know you wouldn’t.

You just can’t have it and wonder where it is at the same time. You have to stick to the end goal and reject anything that contradicts that.

I know manifestation is supposed to be easy and not feel like a chore but how can it not when everything I desire is of so much importance to me

People say manifesting is easy and fun because you’re just supposed to satisfy yourself within by giving yourself what you want. If it feels like a chore then you're not giving yourself what you really want. You are focusing on what you think you should be doing and you are also keeping yourself hostage to your unwanted circumstances. If your desires are so important to you then stop putting conditions on them, stop looking for excuses to deny yourself of them. Get drunk in the feeling and the knowing of their fulfilment. Let go of all the doubts and fears, turn your back on your senses telling you it’s not here yet. Be stubborn and stop taking no for an answer.

You’re coming from a place of: I have all these unwanted circumstances and I want to have xyz instead, but no matter what I do, things aren't changing.

If you had xyz by now, would you still be repeating the unwanted circumstances in your head? Would you be thinking about them? Would you be reacting to them? Would you be identifying with this version of yourself that can’t get what you want?

No! You would be living your life, doing the things you enjoy, your duties and responsibilities, resting in the knowledge that you got that desire. It’s a reality now. It’s part of your life. You’d be living from that perspective.

You're keeping the unwanted stuff in place by reaffirming them, by looking at it everyday and going “yep, still here!”, you’re still accepting it as true for you. You can’t keep your attention on something without getting more of it. You need to die to the unwanted reality. Never to be seen again.

I’ve done self concept but I keep breaking.

Self concept is not a technique that you do once a day. Self concept is who you are. It’s how you behave and what you think all the time, every day, all day. It's what you believe and accept as true for you in all aspects. I think this community has been breaking up the law into bits and pieces, as if there are all these separate factors and steps you need to take, and it’s done more damage than good because it’s actually literally all the same thing, it’s all connected. Once you change through the means of one aspect, the other aspects change automatically. Self concept, mental diet, states, it’s all connected, they all lead to the same destination, you. Neville uses these terms interchangeably, to get his point across in the best way he sees fit at that moment, but he’s always talking about the same thing. So bottomline is that if you “keep breaking”, then you’re still in the process of change, you’re going from one state to the other, from unwanted to wanted. Back and forth. You’re still falling for the illusion of the 3d world and you’re still feeling the pull of your old story. You need to take a stand and decide that enough is enough. No longer accept what you don’t want. You’re the only one making the choice here. No one is forcing you to stay in the unwanted mindset but your own habits and comfort zone.

I don’t even know what affirmations to use to combat my limiting beliefs. Tbh I’m tired. I keep failing and failing because I affirm and persist but I affirm wrong or I have a limiting belief that hasn’t been uncovered yet.

Look, there’s nothing to combat here. There’s no war going on. It’s all just you. You don’t have any blocks or limiting beliefs you need to overpower. This isn’t a good perspective to hold. You ARE the power. I fought these types of statements for a long time but I can understand it now. You need to stop focusing on limiting beliefs or blocks. Stop thinking AND believing that you have problems that are getting in your way and that you need to overcome them. By holding this perspective, you’re only going to create more problems to overcome. Remember what I’ve been saying that you’re in the end now? Are there any blocks in the end? When the wish is fulfilled? I don’t think so and neither do you! I want you to take the challenge to declare to yourself that you no longer have any limitations. It’s all gone! You’re free now! I want you to wake up everyday and before you get out of bed, you remind yourself that hey, all that stuff is gone now! Nothing to worry about anymore! How good is that?!

I feel like if someone explained to me how this works and how to do it with no mistakes and how to keep faith in the unseen, I could actually get what I want.

You keep the faith in the unseen by believing and trusting in yourself. If you accept that you can do anything, that you deserve what you want, that you are the operant power and that everything is coming FROM you, then you know all you need is yourself. Idk it truly is a leap of faith, you need to make a choice. Do you want to live by what is outside of you, or by what’s within you? If you accept the law as true, then you have no choice but to start living by what’s within you. If you’re still sitting there thinking that your world is ruled by the circumstances outside of you then you don’t believe a tiny bit in any of this stuff. You’re truly wasting your time if you hold that perspective in place.

Okay I hope this whole essay I spent hours on helps! Now let’s get you those recs!

You can read most if not all of Neville's work for free here: https://realneville.com/

These are my current favorite Neville Based Teachers:

I am Love / Feeling Twisty (he's also on apple podcasts and spotify I believe)

Here's my own personal playlist of Neville based videos on youtube

There's a LOT of good stuff on reddit tbh, here's pretty much everything I have saved from there:

(ps.: it's good to check the comments on reddit posts because there's usually discussions happening and you can find some good pointers)

EdwardArtSupplyHands Series / Quote

ALLISMIND:

Feelings are your power

How thoughts and beliefs become reality

Overthinking

Superman's way of life

Thinking positive

Living from the Law

There's no reality

You don't believe in the Law

Nothing will change your mind

(ps.: he has A LOT of content, these are just the few I looked into)

Other posts:

Change your mind

It's Real. Success Story

Decide what you want

Self concept and personality

Self concept and self love

Letting go of control

Don't rationalize it

The state of the wish fulfilled

Checkmate 3D

Planting the seeds

Don't react

Faith and Knowledge

Slacker Manifesting

Persistence assumption

Don't complicate it

All you need is reassurance

Brazen Impudence

Manifesting is easy

Practical guide

Why circumstances don't matter

Commit to your desire

Ignore the Outside

Clarifying the Law for beginners

(ps.: These aren't 100% accurate tittles, just based on the actual tittles)

[tratserenoyreve]

do you ever get the feeling that deltarune is gonna end up being really recursive (if that's the right word???) like deltarune leading directly to aspects of undertale (particularly with clamgirl and the implications of ut!sans belonging to another world) and undertale leading to deltarune (aka ut gaster being involved and some of the dialogue choices in ch 1's town only making sense to someone who's aware of ut's pacifist ending)?

okay so i’ve been ruminating on this, other people have discussed it a bit and it’s definitely a feeling i’ve had since chapter one was released, which is that the events of deltarune are like. imperfect reflections of undertale, but that is inaccurate. we want to say that because undertale is what we experienced first, but really undertale is the simplified and altered story compared to the one toby originally drafted up that would become deltarune.

it’s more accurate i think to say that undertale is an altered imperfect reflection of deltarune with a more idealistic bend.

characters we know and love from undertale don’t lead the same lives at all in deltarune, like undertale is a fantastical and idealized reality for them. the dreemurr family was royalty, asgore and toriel were king and queen, asriel a prince, but in deltarune they are simple townsfolk, a gardener and a teacher and a college student. even the relationships they had with one another in undertale don’t seem to exist (yet? or at all?) in deltarune, alphys and mettaton aren’t friends and so his dream remains stuck in personal journals, mad dummy doesn’t work for undyne and never gets her body, undyne and alphys are strangers.

hell, look at the skele bros interactions you have in town. in undertale, sans and papyrus are near constant presences once you meet them, immediately friendly and inviting to frisk/the player, you can call papyrus up in just about every single room of the game and sans will pull you aside for conversations on the reg. but in deltarune? sans is skeptical and kind of weirded out by you acting familiar with him, but even if you say it’s nice to meet him for the first time he is just kinda. there? you interact with him, compared to how the brothers interlaced with your journey in undertale, and unlike undertale papyrus is absent from. everything. he isn’t boisterously announcing his presence, which is such a change, the papyrus we knew in undertale would have greeted everyone in town after moving in (the snowdin folk say the brothers simply asserted themselves), but here in deltarune he is shut in the house and going further away.

i don’t think there’s anything like deltarune leading directly into undertale or vice versa, too much of the setup is distinct from eachother, but i think thematically the games are meant to compare and contrast the same ideals and questions we’ve met before. chapter 1 of deltarune parallels the end of a neutral run in undertale, where the player confronts the king and is unable to resolve the matter with just mercy. chapter 2 parallels hotland, where a misguided individual thinks they are helping the situation by making a robot villain to face off against the hero (and a person who dreams of being BIG looks to the audience, prays to the audience…)

it’s like deltarune is living in the shadows of undertale, we see the familiar shapes but it’s not the same and can’t be the same.

as for Gaster, the fact that the Goners exist as regular npcs in the town is SO fascinating, it makes me wonder if, in this world, his project succeeded rather than failed. “dark, darker, yet darker” that is also a connecting thread but given the other works toby has been inspired by i don’t think it will be as direct as prequel/sequel, i think it’s better to treat undertale as a kind of like. setup for concepts we should be thinking and reminded of as we go through deltarune, and i think that’s the trap.

i think deltarune isn’t going to be like undertale at all, in the end, and that’s exciting.

[leonawriter]

Second half of what was going to be just one post but I wanted to make each point stand out on its own-

I think that the Port Mafia is going through a character development arc throughout the manga, just the same as the ADA is, and by the time the series ends will be almost unrecognisable from the mafia we started out with.

Funnily enough, the first person who springs to my mind when I think of this is actually Kouyou. Though I will touch on others later on.

Kouyou is certainly not the first PM member we meet. Strictly speaking, that’d be Dazai, or Higuchi, or Akutagawa. But I feel like her change is the most indicative of the route the mafia is taking, and the difference between the pre-manga PM, and the PM after the manga started, and after several arcs. In fact, this is also something I tend to try and think about when writing her in fics, because it is highly relevant.

Chronologically, we know that her timeline is thus; she was part of the mafia in the time before Mori took over, and under the old boss she wanted to run away, likely encouraged by an older man who she may have had feelings for, romantic or not. That man died, and left her feeling that no matter what, she would be unable to escape the darkness. At some time after that, Mori took over the mafia. A year later, she was one of his trusted subordinates, and she is tasked with taking a young Chuuya - previously an enemy of the mafia, and someone who had no idea how to talk to the mafia’s business partners - under her wing. She would go on to become an executive, and at some time before the manga began, found and took in Kyouka. She would then go on to be murderously protective of her young ward, much like a mother or older sister, and encourage her to believe as she had - that she would never be able to live in the light.

So what we see from this is that Kouyou up until this point is a woman with a dark past and a dark heart who is full of grief, and I think that a lot of people overlook this because she’s beautiful and because the way she is later is more popular, but... she is just as guilty of perpetuating the cycle of abuse as Mori, Dazai, and Akutagawa. She was imparting to Kyouka the same “life lessons” that she had learned herself, in much the same way that Atsushi’s headmaster had. Both of those people had suffered, and so both of them taught their charge in a way that they saw as somewhat more forgiving than what they had gone through, in a way that to them would ready the child for the outside world and their future, but was ultimately doing more harm than good.

So, what changes?

I’d say that to answer “Dazai” is to over-simplify things.

The situation had become such that it was no longer viable. Kyouka refused to go back to the mafia. Kouyou was afraid for her, that she would lose herself in some way, and despite her previous words to Atsushi, she did want Kyouka to succeed; or at the very least, saw how a failure would break her, as we see it does while she’s in the jail plane, chained up in midair. Their organisations are not just at odds, but as an executive she’d have to be seeing that neither of them are in a safe position.

Kouyou was already in the perfect place to accept Dazai’s suggestions before he came to her with them (and, admittedly, he may have predicted that things would get to this point, may have used the situation to his advantage).

So, what changes the way that she sees things?

Dazai is one aspect. A rather large one, considering how he himself puts that he managed to get out of the mafia, and is someone with his sort of past (and personality) who not only made it out, but has been staying out, and succeeding. He also points out that with him present in the ADA, he’s able to ensure that Kyouka can flourish in the way that she deserves to.

Atsushi is another aspect, I’d say, because he was the one who was willing to suggest that their organisations work together.

Even just staying with the ADA and not being treated with anything other than respect (and yes, that includes “respect for how dangerous she can be”) would work towards this.

In summary, Kouyou before the Three Company Conflict arc is a grief-ridden woman filled with despair, who sees herself as someone only capable of showing her true potential in the darkness. She comes out of said arc as someone who appears happy with where she is, and who chooses to be where she is, yet who is also happy to help Kyouka from the shadows.

This is just focusing on the one I feel is the best representation of this phenomenon of PM members coming out better. 

Another would have to be Chuuya, which is something that many people have written about, myself included, on how before the manga starts he’s bitter over Dazai’s defection, seeing that trust in his partner as having been shattered. Yet over the course of their first reunion, he is forced to see that his partnership with Dazai need not be over simply because Dazai is now a traitor to the mafia, and that Dazai, well, missed him. As a person. That the connection is still there. And later, during the Lovecraft battle, they work together fluidly again, just like old times and reminding them that just because they’re older, doesn’t mean they’re too much different to still be partners. You can really see it in Dead Apple, where his acceptance of Dazai is less in how willingly he trusts in him and activates Corruption, and more in how comfortable he is after he’s woken up again both in the movie when he sees Akutagawa, and in the promo images where he’s still next to Dazai, and they’re smiling.

Akutagawa needs almost no explanation, given how his arc is still ongoing, and he’s already gone from being the rabid dog of the mafia who kills before he thinks to someone who goes out of his way to leave people alive, and who because of that, is learning to see things from another point of view, just as Dazai wanted of him.

Yet, it’s not just these obvious ones; Higuchi has to work with the ADA on several occasions, tempering down on her novice’s pride in her organisation that she had on her introduction, and is also coming into her own as well. Kajii may well have taken something from his encounter with Yosano, and we see how he’s more than just a mad lemon scientist when he says how much he respects Mori (and I wonder if anything else is going to happen with that). Hirotsu is now able to talk with Dazai again and it isn’t something that he would have to worry about being seen as treasonous. 

And last but not least, Mori himself - when it’s said during his match against Fukuzawa that they’ve both got more to protect now, that’s not just cheap words; Mori protects his people. He shows grief when his people die and it was out of his control. He accepts that an alliance with the ADA is the best and most optimal course when it’s put on the table, even with the understanding that it’ll put them at a disadvantage in the short term. He is forced to begin to come to terms with things about his past that he had been trying to rationalise, and ignore, such as how his actions led to Dazai’s defection, and I sincerely believe that although he does not regret what he did, he does regret how it ended, and what it cost him. 

Mori, the leader of the mafia, is being forced in the current arc  to come face to face with the realisation that the mafia can’t live as an island, merely taking from the ADA what they need and giving nothing in return. It is Mori’s lack of action that led to things becoming as bad as they are now, and because of that, his own people are suffering. I’ve said this before to personal friends, but I do think that this is indicative of the mafia’s growth as a group - Mori needs to learn that the alliance with the ADA has to be an equal one.

What’s more, the ADA is learning through their own growth in general that they have to be able to trust the PM in return.

What does this say to me? 

Other than that the characters of the mafia have been influenced positively by the plot, into becoming better versions of themselves, and the development is still in progress because the series isn’t over? That you can’t write them the way they are now, into a fic set years before the series starts?

That the themes of BSD are such that the PM represent the underside of society, a cruel and callous way of thinking that we often don’t wish people to see, or that we cover up. That even the ADA, on the twilight of the law, is still more often than not too proud to accept the help of criminals who are less ashamed and more forward about the way that they do things being criminal. That both sides are slowly moving down the path of being able to accept one another better, and in doing so, they’ll better be able to accept themselves.

We already see this with Kouyou and Akutagawa and Chuuya especially. We see this with Dazai, and to a degree with Kyouka. I believe that the longer the series goes in this direction, the more other ADA characters will accept themselves; such as Tanizaki, with his ability to use his ability in ways that Hirotsu notes are “perfect for assassination,” and with Ranpo, who hides the fact that he has insecurities and is also fully willing to make a demon of himself in order to protect his own - which is far more of a mafia attitude than an ADA one, even if, just like with Chuuya, I’m not sure I can imagine him in the other organisation.

The ADA will always be the ADA, and the PM will always be the PM, but together they can be better than they were before on their own. Currently they seem to be on a tentative truce of sorts, uncertain about doing things together and constantly in a state of tension. If they can get to a point where they trust each other more implicitly, that’s where the real strength is going to come from - something that Mori saw himself, when sending Chuuya out to help Dazai - and yet it won’t just be in the sense of power and how well they perform in their casework and missions, but strength of character, in who they are as people.

[pdaliceliveblogs]

^Krazie, accurately summing up my feelings about this episode less than halfway through.

Wow. That was... a rollercoaster.

I feel like I should specify that I don’t feel like the A plot was badly written or anything-- you’re always gonna simplify and speed stuff up for a cartoon plot like this, that’s understandable, and I quite liked the way that Luz used her light spell to help them escape, as well as the concept of the pen-axe. It’s just that the oversimplification of the publishing industry plus the portrayal of a bumbling fool like King effortlessly succeeding at the thing I’ve been working my ass off at for years combined to punch all my rage buttons and made it hard to watch.

That B plot, though! That should have been its own damn episode! Every time we see Lilith I’m all the more fascinated by her, and the dynamic between the sisters is so wonderful to watch. As much as they’re working at cross purposes, as much as Lilith has her own ulterior motives for seeking Eda out, they still have affection for each other, and they slip into working together so easily it probably surprises even them. Every moment they were both on screen was a gift, and that last conversation between them was so lovely, not only in the concept/writing but in the animation and the VAs deliveries. There’s so much going on between them. I think that might be why, before I had seen any of the show and didn’t know they were sisters, I assumed they were the Fandom Ship-- because their relationship, though familial not romantic, is one of the greatest draws of this great show.

Plus, we’ve opened up some more avenues for future plot-- Eda’s curse really is quickening, we’ve mentioned the Emperor as a person in a way that makes me suspect he’ll actually show his face at some point, and Lily’s concern for her sister is only growing-- which could lead her to have mercy, or to really not.

I’m glad I don’t rank episodes, because this one is way off opposite ends of the scale. Wow.

[bored-storyteller]

Hello. I know your requests are closed, but this is more of a curiosity. However, if it takes much time or you don't feel like answering, feel free to ignore it and thank you for reading it. ^^

So I saw that Uta, around the Anteiku people, acts kinda nice, he's calm, smiles a lot. He's more extravagant or...just different in auctions or with the clowns. I was wondering if you think Uta being nice was an act or was something genuine. He seems like the type who would play a role but he seems also sincere and neutral. So what do you think about that and how is he with his s/o?

Hi Anon! 💕

So, I state that this is my vision of Uta.  I find him a very complex character and since Tokyo Ghoul is over I don't think there is much that can confirm or cancel an idea.  As much as he can count what I see, for me Uta is always true.  He simply lives on another wave line.  I think the sadistic part of him is as true as the friendly and caring side.  I don't see Uta as a double agent, it is not that he acts in a subtle way for who knows what purpose. Uta has some complex that he has been carrying around since he was young, it's hard to pinpoint what his problem really is, but surely he fears abandonment (particularly by Renji in this case), and all he basically does is  try to stay "sane", not to give in to despair (this is what he makes us understand). To be honest, Uta is a fool, but he is a conscious fool (?). I don't think he actually thinks "now I'm pretending to be like this", I've always seen him as an extremely spontaneous, childish character from that point of view.  Probably one of the big problems with him is that he can't really feel like a role on him, he's kind of one of those people misunderstood by the world.  But at the same time Uta is also a mature person in many aspects, everything he does, from the most loving to the most sadistic and reckless things, he does with knowledge of them.

Coming to talk about what he would be like with his loved one, I think it depends here too, and here too his feelings would be extremely complex.  For example, up until now I have written about a human reader, and I think this means a lot to him.  Uta can't stand change, and in fact a human is more fragile, so I believe that in that case his part of "adult person" and "quiet and friendly" would prevail, but not by mathematical calculation, simply with that person it would be natural to behave like this for him.  This does mean that all the other sides of him remain, even the most unhealthy ones, and it is not said that for some reason they will not manifest.

With a beloved ghoul for example as I see it, he would have different attitudes.  I am not saying that he would not be loving towards them, but maybe he would feel even more free to "play" with them, knowing that he could not hurt them so easily (obviously simplifies, in both cases it also depends on the character).

I don't think Uta is pretending to be different than he is, in fact, I think the acceptance part is extremely important to him. 

So, I could talk for hours about this you know :3, but from my point of view Uta never acts, he is just contradictory by nature.

I hope I have answered something, I have tried to be brief but I do not think I have succeeded.  Thank you so much for this question, I really enjoy discussing so freely, let me know your opinion if you want 🌸! 

See you soon! ☺️

[qqueenofhades]

I really don’t want to start a discourse™, but I want you to know that I really appreciate how you write joe and Nicky in deo volente. So many of the fics I’ve read have placed yusef in the role of more sexually experienced and less devoted to god, while Nicky is depicted as an inexperienced and virginal priest/knight/monk and so forth and so on. Your narrative of joe out there rescuing people and being faithful, while Nicky looks back on his life of gambling and pleasures of the flesh ...(1/?)

Not to say that there’s anything wrong with either, obviously. I love guilty priest Nicky and repressed Nicky and p much every Nicky. But in the vast array of fics out there, it’s rare to see the opposite. Not that you’re working in a binary morally good/religious vs. not way. Your writing in the fic is really subtle and and your characterizations reveal a lot of depth. I just think it’s cool to see Nicky, average second son of a duke, drinking and gambling and feeling terribly guilty (2/?)

Guilty about the crusades and the fucking horror of crusade 1 without being excessively devout. Just an average dude. Not some paragon of virtue (btw, I’m on chapter 2 of the fic, so I don’t know how much your characterization changes moving forward. You have a lovely ability to combine your incredible knowledge of history, your beautiful writing, and these intimate details of the characters that make them fit— fit the canon and fit the history. (3/? Shit I’m sorry this had gotten way too long)

I enjoy the way you’ve really inserted us into the quotidian aspect of history. Aaaaaanyway— the discourse that I was afraid of: I think that a lot of fans of the movie that are generating fan content (tysfm to all of you beauties, btw 🙏🙏♥️) are westerners (which is a whole nother kettle of fish) and that carries a sort of ignorance about the Muslim world in the Middle Ages and this desire to simplify Europe as “Christian” “fighters for faith” etc. (4/? Fuuuuck. One(??) more)

And when we do that, we end up as characterizing the brown people as “not that”. The thing I love about this fandom is that people are definitely down on the crusades. I feel like all the fic I’ve read has been particularly negative about those wars, but the thing I love about your fic is that you don’t just say war is bad because people died and it was despicable and this pious white dude says so and this one brown person agrees. (5/6, I see the end in sight I swear it)

Instead you give us a larger cast of Muslims and Arabs and really flesh them out and give them opinions and different interpretations of faith, and I really appreciate that. The crusades were terrible, and we know this because these regular dudes who struggle with their different faiths and lives say so. And I just. I think that’s really great. Also, I fucking love yusef’s mom. I feel like more people would be accepting of the gift in this fashion and I think she’s lovely and (god damn it 6/7)

Aaaaaaaand. The bit where yusef returns and she’s already gone breaks my fucking heart. Also the moment where he’s like “I’m not sure about Abraham’s god, but my mothers god is worth my faith”?? Just really fucking great. So. Excellent fic. Excellent characters. Excellent not-being-accidentally-biased-towards-white-Christians. That is what I came here to say. Thank you so much for your amazing stories. I love them and I love history. Sorry about the rambling. idek how I wrote so much. (7/7)

Epilogue: tl;dr: you’re great.

Oh man! What a huge and thoughtful comment (which will in turn provoke a long-ass response from me, so…) I absolutely agree that no matter what fandom, I don’t do Discourse TM; I just sit in my bubble and stay in my lane and do my own thing and create content I enjoy. And I don’t even think this is that so much as just… general commentary on character and background? So obviously all of this should be read as my own personal experience and choices in writing DVLA, and that alone. I really appreciate you for saying that you love a wide range of fan creators/fanworks and you’re not placing one over another, you understand that fans have diverse ranges of backgrounds/experience with history and other cultures when they create content, and that’s not the same for everyone. So I just think that’s a great and respectful way to start things off.

First, as a professional historian who has written a literal PhD thesis on the crusades, I absolutely understand that many people (and regular fans) will not have the same privilege/education/perspective that I do, and that’s fine! They should not be expected to get multiple advanced degrees to enjoy a Netflix movie! But since I DO have that background, and since I’ve been working on the intellectual genealogy of the crusades (and the associated Christian/Muslim component, whether racially or religiously) since I was a master’s student, I have a lot of academic training and personal feelings that inform how I write these characters. Aside from my research on all this, my sister lives in an Islamic country and her boyfriend is a Muslim man; I’ve known a lot of Muslims and Middle Easterners; and especially with the current political climate of Islamophobia and the reckoning with racism whether in reality or fandom, I have been thinking about all this a lot, and my impact on such.

Basically: I love Nicky dearly, but I ADORE Joe, and as such, I’m protective of him and certainly very mindful of how I write him. Especially when the obvious default for westerners in general, fandom-related or otherwise, is to write what you are familiar with (i.e. the European Christian white character) and be either less comfortable or less confident or sometimes less thoughtful about his opposing number. I have at times tangentially stumbled across takes on Joe that turn me into the “eeeeeeeh” emoji or Dubious Chrissy Teigen, but I honestly couldn’t tell you anything else about them because I was like, “nope not for me” and went elsewhere rather than do Discourse (which is pretty much a waste of time everywhere and always makes people feel bad). This is why I’m always selective about my fan content, but especially so with this ship, because I have SO much field-specific knowledge that I just have to make what I like and which suits my personal tastes. So that is what I do.

Obviously, there’s a troublesome history with the trope of “sexually liberate brown person seduces virginal white character into a world of Fleshly Decadence,” whether from the medieval correlation of “sodomite” and “Saracen,” or the nineteenth-century Orientalist depictions of the East as a land variously childishly simplistic, societally backward, darkly mysterious and Exotic, or “decadent” (read: code for sexually unlike Western Europe, including the spectrum of queer acts). So when I was writing DVLA, I absolutely did not want to do that and it’s not to my taste, but I’m not going to whip out a red pen on someone else writing a story that broadly follows those parameters (because as I said, I stay in my lane and don’t see it anyway). Joe to me is just such an intensely complex and lovely Muslim character that that’s the only way I feel like I can honestly write him, and I absolutely love that about him. So yeah, any depiction of hypersexualizing him or making him only available for the sexual use and education of the white character(s) is just... mmm, not for me.

For example, I stressed over whether it was appropriate to move his origin from “somewhere in the Maghreb” to Cairo specifically, since Egypt, while it IS in North Africa, is not technically part of the Maghreb. I realize that Marwan Kenzari’s family is Tunisian and that’s probably why they chose it, to honor the actor’s heritage, but on the flip side… “al-Kaysani” is also a specifically Ismai’li Shia name (it’s the name of a branch of it) and the Fatimids (the ruling dynasty in Jerusalem at the time of the First Crusade) were well-known for being the only Ismai’li Shia caliphate. (This is why the Shi’ites still ancestrally dislike Saladin for overthrowing it in 1174, even if Saladin is a huge hero to the rest of the Islamic world.) Plus I really wanted to use medieval Cairo as Joe’s homeland, and it just made more sense for an Ismai’li Shia Fatimid from Cairo (i.e. the actual Muslim denomination and caliphate that controlled Jerusalem) to be defending the Holy City because it was personal for him, rather than a Sunni Zirid from Ifriqiya just kind of turning up there. Especially due to the intense fragmentation and disorganization in the Islamic world at the time of the First Crusade (which was a big part of the reason it succeeded) and since the Zirids were a breakaway group from the Fatimids and therefore not very likely to be militarily allied with them. As with my personal gripes about Nicky being a priest, I decided to make that change because I felt, as a historian, that it made more sense for the character. But I SUPER recognize it as my own choices and tweaks, and obviously I’m not about to complain at anyone for writing what’s in graphic novel/bonus content canon!

That ties, however, into the fact that Nicky has a clearly defined city/region of origin (Genoa, which has a distinct history, culture, and tradition of crusading) and Joe is just said to be from “the Maghreb” which…. is obviously huge. (I.e. anywhere in North Africa west of Egypt all the way to Morocco.) And this isn’t a fandom thing, but from the official creators/writers of the comics and the movie. And I’m over here like: okay, which country? Which city? Which denomination of Islam? You’ve given him a Shia name but then point him to an origin in Sunni Ifriqiya. If he’s from there, why has he gone thousands of miles to Jerusalem in the middle of a dangerous war to help his religious/political rivals defend their territory? Just because he’s nice? Because it was an accident? Why is his motivation or reason for being there any less defined or any less religious (inasmuch as DVLA Nicky’s motive for being on the First Crusade is religious at all, which is not very) than the white character’s? In a sense, the Christians are the ones who have to work a lot harder to justify their presence in the Middle East in the eleventh century at all: the First Crusade was a specifically military and offensive invasion launched at the direct behest of the leader of the Western Roman church (Pope Urban II.) So the idea that they’re “fighting for the faith” or defending it bravely is…

Eeeeh. (Insert Dubious Chrissy Teigen.)

But of course, nobody teaches medieval history to anyone in America (except for Bad Game of Thrones History Tee Em), and they sure as hell don’t teach about the crusades (except for the Religious Violence Bad highlight reel) so people don’t KNOW about these things, and I wish they DID know, and that’s why I’m over here trying to be an academic so I can help them LEARN it, and I get very passionate about it. So once again, I entirely don’t blame people who have acquired this distorted cultural impression of the crusades and don’t want to do a book’s worth of research to write a fic about a Netflix movie. I do hope that they take the initiative to learn more about it because they’re interested and want to know more, since by nature the pairing involves a lot of complex religious, racial, and cultural dynamics that need to be handled thoughtfully, even if you don’t know everything about it. So like, basically all I want is for the Muslim character(s) to be given the same level of respect, attention to detail, background story, family context, and religious diversity as any of the white characters, and Imma do it myself if I have to. Dammit.

(I’m really excited to hear your thoughts on the second half of the fic, especially chapter 3 and chapter 6, but definitely all of it, since I think the characters they’re established as in the early part of the fic do remain true to themselves and both grow and struggle and go through a realistic journey with their faith over their very long lives, and it’s one of my favorite themes about DVLA.)

Anyway, about Nicky. I also made the specific choice to have him be an average guy, the ordinary second son of a nobleman who doesn’t really know what he’s doing with his life and isn’t the mouthpiece of Moral Virtue in the story, since as he himself realizes pretty quick, the crusades and especially the sack/massacre of Jerusalem are actually horrific. I’ve written in various posts about my nitpicking gripes with him being a priest, so he’s not, and as I said, I’m definitely avoiding any scenario where he has to Learn About The World from Joe. That is because I want to make the point that the people on the crusades were people, and they went for a lot of different reasons, not all of which were intense personal religious belief. The crusades were an institution and operated institutionally. Even on the First Crusade, where there were a lot of ordinary people who went because of sincere religious belief, there was the usual bad behavior by soldiers and secular noblemen and people who just went because it was the thing to do. James Brundage has an article about prostitution and miscegenation and other sexual activity on the First Crusade; even at the height of this first and holy expedition, it was happening. So Nicky obviously isn’t going to be the moral exemplar because a) the crusades are horrific, he himself realizes that, and b) it’s just as historically accurate that he wouldn’t be anyway. Since the idea is that medieval crusaders were all just zealots and ergo Not Like Us is dangerous, I didn’t want to do that either. If we think they all went because they were all personally fervent Catholics and thus clearly we couldn’t do the same, then we miss a lot of our own behavior and our parallel (and troubling) decisions, and yeah.

As well, I made a deliberate choice to have Nicky’s kindness (which I LOVE about him, it’s one of my favorite things, god how refreshing to have that be one of the central tenets of a male warrior character) not to be something that was just… always there and he was Meek and Good because a priest or whatever else. Especially as I’ve gotten older and we’ve all been living through these ridiculous hellyears (2020 is the worst, but it’s all been general shit for a while), I’ve thought more and more about how kindness is an active CHOICE and it’s as transgressive as anything else you can do and a whole lot more brave than just cynicism and nihilism and despair. As you’ll see in the second half of the fic, Nicky (and Joe) have been through some truly devastating things and it might be understandable if they gave into despair, but they DON’T. They choose to continue to be good people and to try and to actively BE kind, rather than it being some passive default setting. They struggle with it and it’s raw and painful and they’re not always saints, but they always come down on the side of wanting to keep doing what they’re doing, and I… have feelings about that.

Anyway, this is already SUPER long, so I’ll call it quits for now. But thank you so much for this, because I love these characters and I love the story I created for them in DVLA, since all this is personal to me in a lot of ways, and I’m so glad you picked up on that.