#I don’t really have anyone to talk about it with that isn’t biased in some way and honestly I don’t want to say the words

[theunsinkableship1]

DENIAL IS NOT A RIVER IN LUKOLALAND

⚠️DISCLAIMER: This is Lukolaland only. Skip if you don't believe.

Denial is a river in LUKOLALAND?

This has to be a joke, right? Some responses that I have received on my latest posts on TT and Tumblr leave me perplexed. Let me make something clear: I’m not here to convince anyone of anything. You have the right to believe whatever you want, that’s your prerogative. However, this is a Lukola space. It’s a space that exists to celebrate their connection, to nurture it from afar, because it shines brightly and is uniquely beautiful.

I don’t know them personally. I can only judge from what I’ve seen and heard, and I fully acknowledge that my perception is biased. My interpretations come from the way I read into their actions, their words, and their patterns. What I share here isn’t fact, it’s speculation based on observation. The only thing I know for sure is that I don’t know what’s really going on.

First and foremost, they are colleagues and FRIENDS. They’ve said that multiple times, and I believe them. For those who doubt their friendship, I don’t know what to tell you. That’s the foundation here. If you don’t even believe in their bond as friends, this probably isn’t the space for you.

But here’s where it gets complicated: they’re not just platonic friends. You may have missed it, but the signs are there, publicly available. You just need to pay attention. I’m not talking about outlandish theories; I’m talking about what’s right there if you’re willing to see it.

I believe they’re in love with each other. As for their current situation? I’m not certain. But the level of plausible deniability in their story doesn’t make sense to me. Maybe it does to you, but for someone who thinks in layers, patterns, double entendres, and undertones, someone who loves words and has studied communication and PR, this whole narrative is anything but straightforward.

Leaving this much space for misinterpretation is a choice. If they wanted to shut this down entirely, they could’ve done so with clarity and finality. It’s not that they can’t make themselves understood without being misconstrued, they absolutely can. But they haven’t.

It’s wise to keep a level of doubt, it maintains objectivity and prevents overreach. However, when coincidences stack up and patterns emerge, it becomes increasingly unlikely that they’re all mere misunderstandings or products of plausible deniability.

The more coincidences there are, the less likely they are to be unrelated.

On their own, one or two could easily be explained away, “just friends,” “PR,” or “fans reading too much into it.”

When similar themes arise repeatedly over months or years (e.g., their timing, shared themes, subtle nods to one another), the likelihood of them being mere coincidence diminishes.

The concept of plausible deniability hinges on actions that could be explained in multiple ways. However, the more layers of ambiguity and deniability built into their interactions, the more intentional it feels.

The subtleties of their public dynamic suggest a shared awareness of fan interpretations. They know how their actions are perceived. To repeatedly engage in behaviors that could be "misunderstood" suggests either: a) Intentional messaging within safe boundaries. b) A significant lack of care, which doesn’t align with how thoughtful and calculated they seem to be.

Take Nicola’s recent Times interview as an example. She could have ended all speculation right there,

“A lot of people really want me to marry Luke,” she says with a laugh. “We have this gorgeous friendship. We have such a love for one another and this experience that I’ll never have with someone else again. Isn’t it gorgeous that a man and woman can have that sort of relationship with one another?”

but she didn’t. Why? There must be a reason. And no, it’s not just PR. PR campaigns don’t operate on layers of plausible deniability that stretch across years, interweave with personal moments, and rely on such specific timing.

Isn’t it strange that for two people who have been so close, their social interactions have significantly decreased compared to before? Over the past two years, especially after the world tour, they appeared to have solidified a deep friendship. If the intent is to disengage fans from the idea that they might be secretly in love, wouldn’t it be wiser to interact more naturally and perhaps even acknowledge each other’s perceived partners?

From a strategic perspective, a like, a follow, or a simple interaction on social media could have gone a long way in dismantling the Lukola narrative. Such actions would feel natural for close friends, especially ones under public scrutiny. Their reluctance to adopt this approach only adds to the curiosity. Why not lean into a strategy that would be less detrimental and more effective at quelling speculation?

Perhaps they are more active on private social media accounts, but publicly, the absence of these gestures stands out. If the goal truly is to clarify their relationship and put fan theories to rest, this perceived distance feels counterproductive. The choice to refrain from such actions, at least for now, is, at the very least, curious. Could it be that there’s a reason they haven’t done so yet?

Both Luke and Nicola have had ample opportunities to firmly address and deny the Lukola narrative. While they’ve made passing comments about being friends, these have lacked the clarity and directness that would fully quash the speculation. Why leave the door ajar if they truly wanted to shut it?

Their reduced interactions seem to have coincided with the conclusion of the promotional period for Bridgerton. During promotions, they were actively engaging with each other and the fandom, fostering the image of a close bond. The sudden change afterward could indicate a deliberate decision to recalibrate public perceptions of their relationship.

The decrease in public interactions after the “papgate” could be their way of managing fallout from the incident, yet it raises questions: Why would two close friends need to distance themselves so noticeably? It suggests a calculated retreat to reduce speculation. However, this strategy seems counterproductive, as the abruptness of the change has drawn more attention. A gradual shift, paired with natural acknowledgments of their respective supposed personal lives, might have been more effective.

It’s possible they’re still VERY close privately but have chosen to limit their public interactions to avoid misinterpretation, or for privacy reasons. If so, this deliberate choice to create distance publicly could point to a deeper connection they’re trying to shield.

This brings us back to patterns. If you observe their public interactions, their timing, their word choices, the double meanings, they’re not random. These coincidences pile up to the point where it’s hard to believe they’re all meaningless. Their bond transcends the boundaries of PR, platonic friendship, or even ordinary relationships.

If you reason in layers, you’ll see it too. The amount of room they leave for interpretation is extraordinary. It’s not just about what they say, it’s about what they don’t say. It’s about the undertones, the pauses, the way they navigate questions, and even the things they choose to share (or not share) on social media. All of this seems to be deliberate. The picture is larger and more intricate than it seems on the surface.

For example: Am I truly supposed to believe that Nicola, who has a higher degree in English and a major grasp of language, would post a Scrabble board with so many elements that could be interpreted through a Lukola lens purely by coincidence? Yes, she’s an avid player of word games, but let’s examine the board itself. It reflects competent but not advanced gameplay, logical and adhering to Scrabble rules, yes, but lacking the level of complexity, strategy, and nuanced word choice you’d expect from someone of her linguistic caliber or from a player displaying their skill.

For me, this was never just about showing off her love of Scrabble. It felt intentional, like an intended message rather than a casual post. If the goal was simply to share her hobbies or an aesthetic moment, she could’ve easily posted a picture of herself playing Scrabble, perhaps with a pint of Guinness in hand. Or she could’ve showcased a more advanced board to reflect her skills or creativity. Instead, she chose this specific board with these specific words, words that align so conveniently with a narrative many of us have come to associate with Lukola.

And let’s not forget her self-awareness. Why would someone who knows how deeply her posts are analyzed by fans continue to share things that are repeatedly misconstrued? If she didn’t want the association, why add layers of ambiguity, such as the now infamous “the very demure, very mindful” quote? What was the reason?

Just two days ago, she posted a photo in her best of 2024 the phrase "if you know, you know." Let’s be honest, how many Lukola edits have we seen that riff of "when you know, you know"? If this wasn’t related to that, what exactly was the point of the “random” quote?  Is it public knowledge or is it something only some know? Nicola is anything but random on social media. She’s chronically online, she’s clever, and she’s incredibly aware of the narratives circulating around her.

These patterns, Scrabble boards, cryptic quotes, wordplay, and selective ambiguity, don’t feel accidental. They feel curated. For someone so skilled with words and communication, there’s intention behind these choices. If it were just for fun, she could have chosen countless other ways to express herself that wouldn’t leave so much room for interpretation. But she didn’t. And for me, that’s speaks volumes.

I’m mainly talking about Nicola here because there’s simply more material to analyze, her posts, interviews, and public interactions offer more clues and layers to unpack. However, Luke’s activity, or rather, his noticeable lack of activity, is equally intriguing and worth examining.

Luke has always been more reserved on social media compared to Nicola, but his recent silence or carefully curated posts stand out. He’s not just absent; he’s selectively absent. There’s a difference between being inactive and deliberately staying under the radar. For someone who previously shared glimpses of his personal life and participated more openly in fandom engagement, his current approach feels intentional.

When he does post, the content often seems neutral, leaning into professional promotion or generic life updates. Yet, the timing or lack of acknowledgment of certain things, whether related to Nicola or even his supposed personal relationships, leaves room for speculation. It’s almost as if he’s consciously avoiding feeding into narratives while simultaneously not shutting them down.

For instance, why hasn’t he addressed certain rumors head-on, as he has done in the past with other relationships? Luke has historically been upfront about his. It’s a choice.

Considering that Luke has been involved in other projects and worked with other co-stars since the end of the Bridgerton world tour, the ratio of content related to Nicola remains strikingly high. Among the limited glimpses he does share, Nicola accounts for the largest percentage of reposts and interactions. What’s even more telling is that the majority of this content is Lukola-focused, centered on his dynamic with Nicola as individuals, rather than strictly Polin-related, which would be tied to their characters and professional pairing. Yes, she is his MAIN co-star within the Bridgerton universe, but this level of engagement is noteworthy.

This isn’t to say he doesn’t appreciate or acknowledge his other co-stars; it’s just that the weight of attention, however subtle, consistently gravitates toward Nicola. Whether it’s the choice of what he reposts or the absence of comparable attention toward other colleagues, the pattern emerges loud and clear.

If we analyze this through a lens of probability and statistics, the numbers paint an even more intriguing picture. Let’s say Luke has worked with five to seven notable co-stars in other projects and in Bridgerton, if he has been tagged in or had the opportunity to engage with 100 pieces of social media content since the world tour. If Nicola accounts for, say, 60% of the interactions and reposts, despite being one of many co-stars, it defies the expectation of a more even distribution.

For context, if he were equally invested in all professional relationships, the engagement with Nicola might hover closer to 15-20%, proportional to the size of his broader network. The fact that this number is so much higher, let’s conservatively estimate at least three to four times greater raises questions. Is this simply because of their shared Bridgerton fame? Perhaps. But then why focus on individual Lukola moments, bypassing more neutral or inclusive Polin or broader cast content?

From a mathematical standpoint, the odds of this being purely coincidental diminish significantly when you layer in the context:

Nicola has the highest percentage of reposts across Luke's social media activity.

The type of content intimate, personal, or Lukola-specific reflects a curated choice, not random selection.

Even in a professional context, where Polin content would be the obvious promotional focus, the Lukola-centric moments shine through.

Given the numbers and probabilities, it seems less likely that this pattern is accidental or merely reflective of professional obligations. Instead, it suggests an intentionality that aligns with the depth and uniqueness of their connection.

Promotion for Bridgerton Season 3 has come to a halt, creating a quiet period where we can observe and compare how Luke approaches the promotion of his other projects.it could highlight how unique his dynamic with Nicola truly is.

The nature of the content he shares for other projects will be equally telling

By comparing these promotional efforts both in terms of frequency and tone to the patterns established during the Bridgerton promotional cycle, we could gain insight into whether his approach to Nicola was truly unique or simply part of his broader professional routine.

When coincidences pile up, their probability of being just coincidences shrinks dramatically. A single instance might be random, but repeated instances with similar themes, timing, and emotional undertones suggest a deeper meaning. While maintaining doubt is reasonable, the sheer volume of these moments suggests that there’s more at play than mere misunderstanding. It’s not about overreaching, it’s about acknowledging that where there’s consistent smoke, there’s likely some fire. What type of fire is there currently? I’m not sure. Are you? Probably an Eternal flame.

[hauntedkeys]

Im trying to figure out if I’m trying to figure out if I’m obsessing over Lost Boys because I’m finally working through my religious trauma or if I’m finally working through my religious trauma because I’m obsessing over Lost Boys

[good-chimes]

THE RULES OF BUTTERCUP CAMP

Rule 1: No friendly fire in the camp.

Rule 1a: NO GRAVEL, NO SAND, NO FALLING BLOCKS

Rule 1b: SCAR THIS MEANS YOU

--- I dont know What you’re talking about

--- You know exactly what I’m talking about!

Rule 1c: Grian is not allowed to make Scar strip down to his underwear on the Perimeter edge to ‘find all the sand’; this makes us look bad in front of Doc.

--- He had it in his SHOE

--- counter-rule!! Actually this makes us look GReat in front of doc. my abs intimidate him.

--- There’s no such thing as a ‘counter rule’ and your abs don’t intimidate anyone

--- mumbo agrees with me!!

--- I. Um. I just think Scar’s abs could be good PR. I’d be impressed if I were Doc.

Rule 2: All Buttercups must remember at all times that Doc is the enemy and we are here to TAKE HIM DOWN.

Rule 3: Goateater is not allowed to eat Mumbo’s pillow.

Rule 3a: we should leave GOateater alone because she’s doing her Best

--- Scar, she’s doing her best to eat my pillow!

--- this is proving resorcefullness and initive like a good Buttercup!

Rule 4: Mumbo’s cooking tastes like a camping mat and he’s not allowed on the cooking rota

Rule 5: grian cant cook us eggs for more than 2 meals in one day

Rule 6: I have to say I agree with Rule 5.

--- Mumbo needs to LEARN HOW RULES WORK

--- and also stop being RUDE about my COOKING

Rule 7: Goateater is not allowed in Mumbo’s bed under any circumstances.

--- mumbo is biased against Goateater!!

--- Then make her sleep in your bed, Scar!

Rule 8: Grian is allowed to push Scar into the Perimeter if he does the sand thing one more time

Rule 9: Grian is allowed to push Scar into the Perimeter if he refuses to put a shirt back on and is being really obnoxious about it

Rule 10: Grian is allowed to push Scar into the Perimeter if he keeps snoring at night

--- Mate, we’re getting some expansion of powers here that I’m not entirely comfortable with.

--- yknow its not tJHAT Bad

--- Okay, so, Scar, listen, just because you’ve never minded doesn’t mean Grian should be able to do what he likes. This is setting a precedent. We need to talk about this.

Rule 11: Grian is allowed to push anyone into the Perimeter for any reason necessary

--- I told you! I TOLD you!

--- Cmon Mumbo a man’s gotta have hobbies

--- Not threats-of-immediate-violence-to-his-two-closest-friends hobbies!

--- WAnt some sand?

--- I CAN LITERALLY SEE WHAT YOU TWO WRITE HERE. SCAR I AM COMING FOR YOU.

--- Good LUck :)

Rule 12: Grian is not allowed to keep stealing Mumbo’s HotGuy poster for his own tent then denying it.

Rule 12a: Grian is encouraged to get his own poster or pay Mumbo 16 diamonds.

Rule 13: Buttercups are reminded to focus their efforts on DOC and how everything is DOC’S FAULT, not SPYING ON THEIR FRIENDS about POSTERS.

Rule 14: Goateater is not allowed in Mumbo’s entire tent.

Rule 15: Goateater is allowed whrever she likes, including in MUmbos tent.

Rule 16: Scar is not allowed to write rules that contradict previous rules.

Rule 17: Mumbo is not allowed to do that either!!

Rule 17a: If Mumbo and Scar don’t stop fighting over the rules board and GET US SOME DRINKING WATER LIKE THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO then Grian gets to throw them both in the Perimeter

--- I thought everything was Doc’s fault.

--- Sometimes it’s your fault, Mumbo!

Rule 18: Look, can we have some sort of punishment here that isn’t ‘Grian pushes people in the perimeter?’ Only he’s not pushing himself in the perimeter, and last night he blew up a firework experiment in the campfire and took half my moustache off.

Rule 18a: That was obviously Doc’s fault.

--- I don’t think it’s Doc’s fault if you did it yourself! In fact, you’re the reason we’re here in the first place. There’s sand in my sleeping bag and I’ve lost half my moustache and Goateater keeps eating my shoes!

--- also I gotta pointout G you never paid me for those fireworks

--- Listen, Buttercups, the rules are very clear about who’s to blame. It’s Doc’s fault.

--- That’s pretty rich coming from you, Grian!

--- also goateater is perfect and hasn’t done anything wrong

--- Shut up, Scar, this is Grian’s fault. I’m making a new rule.

Rule 19: I think we should blame Grian for everything

Rule 20: I secnd this rule

Rule 21: Oh, yeah? Well, I think we should blame SCAR for getting me BAD FIREWORKS

Rule 21a: those were top quality scarland fireworks, Mister!

Rule 22: It was Scar who technically broke the tunnel bore so he’s the reason we’re here

Rule 23: I mean, I guess—Scar, mate, you did do that.

Rule 24: I think we should blame Scar for everything

Rule 25: now wait A MINute

Rule 26: Yes, honestly, it’s mainly Scar’s fault.

Rule 27: Its not!

Rule 28: It’s either you or Grian. I think either way we can all agree I’m the innocent victim here.

Rule 29: What – okay, fine, new plan! I think we should blame MUMBO for everything!

Rule 30: yeah!

NEW RULE: MUMBO IS BANISHED FROM THE BUTTERCUP CAMP

NEW RULE: OH I AM, AM I? WELL THEN, GRIAN IS BANISHED FROM THE BUTTERCUP CAMP!

NEW RULE: OKAY! I GUESS THIS IS MY CAMP NOW! IM MOVING JELLIE INTO YOUR TENTS AND SERVS YOU BOTH RIGHT!

Rule 34: Guys?

Rule 35: …guys?

…

…

…

board suspended :(

…

…

…

Rule 36: fine I’m back

Rule 37: strewing my bed with cherry blossom wasn’t actually necessary

Rule 38: Aw, Scar, you shouldn’t have.

--- i missed you guys

--- I missed you guys too!

--- It’s been TWENTY MINUTES

--- admit it G you missed us

--- Fine I did

--- But I think I have time for a second shot

--- GRIAN

--- joking <3

Rule 39: All previous rules are suspended.

Rule 1: It’s Doc’s fault.

Rule 2: Grian is still allowed to push people into the perimeter.

--- mumbo, wheres Goateater?

--- Special mission, mate, don’t worry about it.

WHY HAS SOMETHING **EATEN** ALL MY ***CROCS***!

YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, BUTTERCUPS!!

– G.O.A.T.

p.s. Also kindly return my hotguy poster, Grian, I know that this was you

[essycogany]

Rare But Not So Rare Sonic Moments

Flaws

This may get controversial.

I welcome anyone else’s view point on this topic. If you don’t agree I’m okay with that. Just because I have a different perspective doesn’t make what I think right or wrong. You don’t have to change your mind. Whatever your opinion is, I respect it. Besides, it’s fun to have different views on something we both love. It gives us a way to see different sides of the coin.

Disclaimer: I’m a person who didn’t grow up with this franchise and only recently got into in early 2022. I have no biases towards any version of this character. Making my opinions about his characterizations mixed.

By the way, I’ll only use Sonic games as examples (for the most part) because this analysis would be too long if I talked about other medias.

In short. Most of his flaws do stir into different medias as well. To be honest, Sonic’s other variants aren’t as different as some may think, but that’s my hot take.

Times The Blue Blur Messed Up

Riders: Sonic lunched Amy along with Eggman into the air with his wind abilities. While knowing Amy’s safety would be at risk. Then left her. Which was the reason she was so angry and aggressive afterwards. He didn’t ever apologize either.

06: Exchanged a chaos emerald for Elise even after Tails warned Sonic not to.

Unleashed: Was distracted by taunting Eggman.

Sonic: “Well, this is new. Showing remorse Eggman? If you played nice, I wouldn’t have to break all your toys.”

Then became the Werehog. All because he wanted to boost his ego.

Secret Rings: Shahra used Sonic to collect the world rings for Erazar Djinn. Even though it should’ve been expected because she said, “They use to work together.” Ended up not being true.

Black Night: Was tricked into helping Merlina who wanted to create a world that would last forever.

Lost World: Tails once again tried to warn Mr.Impatient about the conch in Eggman’s hand, but kicked it anyways. Then warned Sonic about another trap, he didn’t listen, ended up getting the fox captured instead.

Frontiers: Accidentally helped free The End despite Knuckles and Sage’s suspensions. If his friends, Eggman, and Sage didn’t help him…..Well, it’s in the villain's name.

Side Note: In Secret Rings, Black night, and Frontiers Sonic was rude at points.

Sonic Sassiness

Sonic Sassiness Part 2

Sonic’s Overall Flaws/Mistakes

Some may be from his general characterizations throughout his history.

Sonic rushes into things without a second thought. (Impulsiveness) Sonic can be too reckless, brash, or not take situations seriously.

He’s impatient. (Which was his core trait since his idle animation in Sonic 1)

He doesn’t listen to his friends warnings. Sonic can be too cocky at the wrong moments. He causes or contributes to world ending consequences. The blue blur can also be too trusting and naive.

Sonic doesn’t worry about his own physical or mental state and internalizes his emotions. He isn’t able to express himself very well. Therefore doesn’t put the right words together when speaking sometimes.

Sonic can be stubborn and a bit of a jerk.

Sage: “You are short tempered and short sided.”

And that’s about it. If I missed anything, feel free to let me know.

My Thoughts

A few of these can be seen as Sonic’s strength and weaknesses. Like his willingness to harm himself if it means to save his friends.

The reason Sonic never learns from his mistakes in the games is because he gets away with them. Which is not a good or bad thing per say. (Besides Sonic Riders. There’s no excuse for that.)

The stories never really given him an arc. But I don’t think Sonic’s a perfect or flawless character. If the examples I’ve shown are evidence of anything.

I’d say he’s static, but not consistently. Most static characters I’ve seen rarely stays static anyways.

I also don’t believe Sonic himself thinks he’s perfect. Sonic probably thinks he doesn’t have to change because he’s so sure he should be able to manage things without issue. Everything does eventually go his way. Why should he change?

I do understand Sonic influences people, but why can’t there be a balance? It’s been done plenty of times with other characters. In books, movies, and tv shows. Animated and live-action.

Movie!Sonic in Sonic 2 inspired both Knuckles and Tails. Helping them better themselves with advice and encouragement. While also going through his own arc of growing up and being responsible.

Tails:“You’ve inspired me. To leave my village. To find you and help you on your mission.”

Despite him learning how to slow down and plan things out, Prime!Sonic also inspires the different variants of his friends. Thorn, Dread, and Nine. Helping them grow into becoming better people.

Even in Unleashed Sonic was at his most mature, but it was only after his cocky attitude got him into trouble. So, yes. Inspirational characters can have flaws.

I’ll just say this

Everyone has their own views on how Sonic should be characterized, drawn, played, voiced, animated, and showcase.

It’s fine if you don’t like a curtain interpretation of a character, but to say the character (Especially if they weren’t very consistent in the first place) isn’t acting like themselves now, it’s really hard to argue what self there is to come back to. Because even in the games there are so many different selves for these characters in their own canon universe. From Classic to Adventure, Unleashed, Colors, and Frontiers. (If that makes any sense)

It’s hard to find one place to be in because Sonic’s been in too many places at once. He shouldn’t be held down to one characterization if he’s already been all over the place from the beginning of his existence.

AKA Sonic’s first two shows ever. TAOSTH and SATAM. In both shows Sonic had flaws as well, but never learned from them. Which means he’s been like this from the start. Like everything else about this franchise, his personality is an ongoing experiment that’ll probably never be solved. And I kind of love that. Even if it can be stressful and has it’s own up’s and down’s

All of these unique stories from the games, comics, tv shows, and movies people grew up with are what made this franchise so popular. This is the main reason I became a Sonic fan. Because I learned so much about characterization from this franchise and how to love the different variations of its characters. Finding an appreciation for each of them.

Conclusion

Everyone’s opinions are valid at the end of the day. At least we all have a version of this character we can love and appreciate. Whether you agree or not I’m grateful you’ve made it all the way to the end. You’re a trooper!

Stay Creative! 💜

[fabiotheguitar]

i want to expand on what Ayesha might mean when she says being queer and Muslim is complicated as a queer Muslim myself bc I’ve seen some people not quite hit the nail on the head.

first is that it is not a universal opinion among Muslims that having a gay romantic or sexual partnership is a sin. that depends on how you interpret the story of Lut alayhi salam, which most schools of thought have extrapolated to be about gay relationships. It might be the mainstream view, but that does not give it religious or scholarly credibility per se. the Quran itself says nothing negative about queerness.

second is that Islam is not unique in being manipulated and twisted as an excuse for homophobia. that has happened in so many cultures and religions and societies. nothing specific about the Quran actually says that being gay is a sin/gay people should be killed etc (just to be clear the people who say that are making it up to validate their homophobic violence. you know how that goes)

really, Ayesha hits the nail on the head when she talks about social relationships. when you’re a minority, if the sheikh or imam or the community is homophobic you can’t just pick up and go somewhere else. this is your community, and you experience so many beautiful things with them. we pray shoulder to shoulder. you aren’t supposed to ignore or shun people. in Islam we have many obligations that are fulfilled through community (giving charity, walking to the masjid, praying in congregation, celebrating eid). this is who you celebrate with, who you mourn with, who you go to for guidance and advice.

the other complicating factor is that many Muslim women observe hijab (wearing a headscarf, physical separation of men and women) in part to create a space where they can exist without being sexualized or even talking about sexuality at all. the expectation is that when you make wudhu, change clothes, etc in front of other women that they aren’t sexualizing you. but if you are attracted to women, even when you lower your gaze and don’t notice their appearances, it feels like an invasion of their privacy. being a lesbian Muslim involves a degree of questioning where you fit into your community, what spaces are and aren’t for you.

the last thing and something i think Ayesha portrayed so well is that when you love your religion, when you love your community, rejection from your community hurts more. especially when they think they’re being kind. heteronormativity becomes rejection. hesitancy around queerness becomes rejection.

the fact that the question would even be asked, how is it to be queer and Muslim, is basically like saying hey, I’m curious about which ways you’ve been rejected by your community or how they fail to meet your needs. please justify your continued relationship with them and your religion so i can judge you and them. and how is that a fun experience for a queer person? underneath all the jokes we like to make, rejection does hurt. even when it comes from people who are kind and loving and just biased or misunderstanding.

this isn’t a character analysis of Ayesha particularly (but I definitely want to do one)! i just wanted to put this out here for anyone not Muslim who was wondering what was up with those scenes

[bairdthereader]

It's Imogen's turn now.

[I'll preface this by saying that I usually hate when tv or film adaptations of books add new characters, and I'm immediately biased against them when they show up on screen (hi, I'm the problem, it's me). I'll admit I felt that way about Imogen at first. But Alice is such a genius, and they wrote Imogen into the storyline in such a way that she feels not just essential to the plot, but also to some of the other characters' development. And to top it off, this girl gets one heck of a character arc. For this post, I'll focus on just one aspect of her journey: her gradual movement from loneliness to connection.]

At the beginning of season 1, Imogen is one of the few girls who hangs out regularly in front of the boys' school. On the surface this could look like a typical way to attract a boyfriend within a known and relatively safe group. But, unusually, she's never seen interacting with anyone else in any meaningful way, the first clue that this group might be all she has. The other boys in the group seem to engage her minimally, and only mention her in terms of her attractiveness and as a potential match for Nick. Compared with their indifference, Imogen can clearly see that Nick is a good choice--attractiveness and rugby king status aside, he's a kind and attentive part of their friend group, and she's known him a long time, even if only superficially. Cue an awkwardly aggressive pursuit that includes:

A lack of respect for Nick's privacy;

Nonconsensual touch;

Inviting herself into his life in public where it's hard for him to say no, then broadcasting an inaccurate relationship status to their friends;

And petty, self-protecting revenge for perceived rejection.

None of these behaviors are particularly pleasing to watch happen, especially when we know everything Nick is struggling with internally, but they are very typical of someone who desperately wants connection but doesn't know how to achieve it in a non-superficial way. Imogen is genuinely fond of Nick, and even amid all of the obnoxious but socially acceptable ways she tries to hold his attention you can see glimpses of that fondness and care (letting him off the hook when he clearly doesn't want to say he likes her back at the dance comes to mind). The fact that she still pursues him the way she does doesn't make Imogen a bad person; it shows us she’s a lonely person, particularly vulnerable to the currents of peer pressure and expected societal norms, long before she admits in season 2 that she doesn’t actually have that many friends.

And then, we get the hugely important conversation in the park with Nick (and Nellie, the emotional support dog we all need). It must be said that Nick is choosing to share a really complex part of himself with Imogen here; he could easily have left it at “I don’t like you like that.” But instead, he takes this moment when Imogen isn’t distracted by posturing or fitting in or flirting to tell her what’s really going on in his mind. On some level, he trusts her with this truth—not the whole truth, obviously, but a big part of it—which tells us he recognizes that beneath her façade Imogen is a caring, trustworthy, and kind person. Naturally most of the focus in this scene is on Nick, but this talk also marks the beginning of Imogen's journey toward authenticity. It starts with the realization that she feels at least some of the same things Nick is feeling about being afraid to change and not fitting in, followed by a shift in her perspective on Nick himself.

Once Nick is no longer a romantic prospect, there's room for her to consider him as a whole person and a true friend, not just someone she "hangs out with every morning." She can begin to see and value the things about him that are intrinsic parts of his nature, rather than the outward trappings of just a datable boy. Imogen can let down her guard with him because he let his down with her first. She can give more of her true self to this friendship because Nick has no expectations of her beyond that she be kind and be herself. There are no popularity points to earn, no hoops to jump through, no fear of rejection. So now, she protects him from the scorn he might have received from their friend group by saying the decision not to date was hers. She begins respecting his personal space. She cares for and observes him on a deep enough level to understand at least a bit of what is happening when Nick takes Charlie off the field at sports day. She’s learning what it is to both be and have a real, authentic friend, maybe for the first time. This helps her to view other people in her life through this more discerning and nuanced lens as well.

Clearly Nick has grown to appreciate Imogen's friendship on a deeper level too, since she's the first person from his old friend group he really wants to come out to and tell about Charlie, so much so that he and Charlie make a fairly elaborate plan to create a safe space for him to do so. The sleepover at Charlie's house is another quiet watershed moment for Imogen, because Charlie's friend group welcomes her so unreservedly. They might be a little surprised to see Imogen there, Tara and Darcy may have not had the most positive feelings toward her before, and the rest of them might have some lingering reserve based on her attachment to the Harry cadre, but... They put all of that aside and draw her in with warmth and enthusiasm, partly because that is just the kind of lovely people they are, partly because Charlie and Nick are implicitly vouching for Imogen, and partly because when Imogen lets her guard down, when she's not trying to impress or flirt or maintain a certain image, she's quite lovely and fun herself.

Nick has been making a parallel journey toward connection and true friendship, but in a slightly different way. While Nick actively seeks points of connection by using his emotional intelligence and intuition, Imogen journeys into deeper friendships by enjoying the genuine kindness of the people in Charlie's friend group enough to be herself around them. She realizes that there are people who do like her just the way she is--a novel experience for her.

Of course, this is a gradual evolution for Imogen, so it doesn't all change overnight. She still spends the bulk of her time with her old friend group, who often leave her alone, and her ever-present desire to be liked and loved draws her into a relationship with Ben, who uses her in the worst way.

When she begins to suspect that Ben cares less for her than he should, that perhaps he’s even using her to get at Nick and Charlie, she starts to pull away. She recognizes that her true wants and needs are speaking more loudly than the old desire to have a boyfriend or to be part of the more popular group. She’s listening to herself, finally.

She starts spending more time with Charlie’s friend group, with people who appreciate her sunshine personality, her quirks, her big smile, who listen to her problems and give her honest advice. People whose company she enjoys on a complex level.

Once she has people in her life who accept her the way she is, Imogen can finally begin to accept herself, see herself, and value herself. Which leads us to this truly phenomenal moment, Imogen’s catharsis, her break for freedom from not only Ben's manipulations and toxicity, but the suffocating pressure of being someone she's not.

This must have been simultaneously liberating and terrifying for Imogen, but now, when she has to be brave, she has true friends to bolster and support her. She's not alone anymore.

And then, then, we get Imogen's final layer peeled away, the moment when she looks deeply enough into her true self to see this:

Imogen's self-realization is so powerful and, I think, just beginning. We are ready for season 3 Imogen.

[newx-menfan]

NYX # 1 Review

*Spoilers!*

After weeks of waiting, spoilers, comic leaks , and “The Krakoan’s” identity being very brutally obvious…it’s FINALLY HERE guys! The CLOSEST we will probably EVER get the a NXM book!! JK!!😆

The issue starts with Kamala monologuing about her recent acceptance to an after school program in NY to Bruno, who is currently in Amsterdam. (I’ll fully forewarn everyone and be transparent that I only read Kamala when G Willow Wilson was writing the book 😬…so Kamala fans MAY need to help me out a bit, lol) 

Kamala literally runs into Sophie and they go to Prodigy’s lecture…(no offense to Prodigy…but Sofia’s a bit right…the lecture COULD use a little more finessing, lol…)

Sophie gives him shit and Kamala realizes she’s friends with the “cool kids” now, who pointedly go out of their way to embarrass and humiliate their teachers (not that Bruno or Miles isn’t cool, Kamala…)

It’s interesting that in some ways DAVID is going the academic, “through proper channels” route…but it also makes sense considering some of his characterization during NXM: AX…(and why a certain character is the PERFECT FOIL for him, in this storyline!…)

David- who, while calling out characters like Josh…was also a bit of a “rule follower” in a way that certain OTHER characters DEFINITELY weren’t…

Any, Sophie convinces Kamala to go clubbing with her and they run into Anole bartending. Anole gets accosted by some patrons screaming about a mutant “terrorist”. (Also…I really LOVE Sophie swearing all the time 😂🤣…I guess her polite way of sassing has changed after “Riot at Xavier’s” and being dead lol)

Kamala and Sophie get kicked out of the club while defending Anole (I guess they’re not having a “brat” summer….☹️). Kamala then dons her Ms Marvel suit and calls David…sorry… Professor Alleyne… to help unlock a phone (the interaction IS super adorable!) and we learn that the guys at the club are committing crimes and pinning it on mutants. (Or so it would SEEM! Foreshadowing!!)

While on the phone, Laura attacks and brakes Kamala’s phone, because Laura is kind of a dick, telling her she’s chasing “ghosts”. (This is why Laura doesn’t have consistent friends guys 😒🤣)

Laura’s characterization…isn’t great… (Laura you were LITERALLY ON a teen X-Men group…you LOST the right to call anyone “kids”!)

Kamala then tells Laura she needs to get a life (which is kind of TRUE…). 

FINALLY…after all the filler…we get to the STAR!…who people have been desperately WAITING FOR…

KRAKELLION! (Sorry @ thestomping-ground …but I’m stealing the name because “the Krakoan” sounds terrible lol)

In one of the COOLEST, MOST AWESOME panels ever (I am really NOT biased)…Krakellion ARISES…ready to enact revenge on the FLATSCANS!!

In HANDS DOWN, ONE OF THE BEST SCENERY CHEWING MONOLOGUES EVER WRITTEN (told you, I’m not biased!), Hellion more or less just calls into question Kamala’s movie to comic book mandated retcon… (Feel like he should have leaned more into the “Emma/Ms Marvel call out of 2006”…but I am not judging, Hellion…)

Kamala then saves the helpless flatscans on the subway- but is then forced to reckon with the fact that humans will ONLY support her because they don’t know she’s a mutant. The minute she’s outed- that hero worship will ultimately go away. ☹️

Kamala then meets up with Sophie and they talk and have coffee (Wait a minute… Kamala is an inhuman too? I thought that couldn’t happen and that’s why Quicksilver had such an identity crisis while married to Crystal??…I told you guys I’m kind of out of the loop on Schrödinger's newest mutant/inhuman…🐈‍⬛😬😂🤣); Kamala also having a mutant friend is adorable…

We transition to the Krakellion walking in some shadowy penthouse, giving Empath shit on the telecom (Brownoses shouldn’t throw stones, Empath! Also Hellion did LOTS of COOL stuff in NXM, OkAy Empath?!) and we see the new….Hellfire Club?…Hellions?…Council??…. Hopefully that gets cleared up in the next issue….

(Also…I bet you 100 bucks Empath FORCED Hellion to drop the name “Hellion” because he couldn’t stand being “Hellion and the Hellions” to Julian lol- Not Julian’s fault he picked the superior name! 😂🤣🤣)

(Also- can anyone tell me what the QR code is- it won’t scan on Kindle and I am waiting on my paper copies ☹️)

Review:

Obviously… I am biased; but this has been one of the few X-books I have been excited about in a while! 

I know people LOVED “Krakoa era” X-Men… but I am personally happy to see return to a more “Astonishing/Mutant Town/Morrison X-Men” type of story.

I am also happy to see a return to a more “Tom Taylor/Tamaki” street level Laura; as much as I whined about Taylor’s representation in the past… Laura really does work better when she’s more low key…

After years of sitting through “Wolverine and the X-Men” style books…it’s nice to see characters like Prodigy or Hellion being treated AS ADULTS and with narrative care.

The writing is fine; there are moments where I think it could be tighter, but I do think it definitely has its moments and will definitely get better as the writing team goes on and gets more used to the characters voices.

I KNOW people are going to complain that this seems more like a stealth Kamala solo…and while I DO think there’s some validity to that argument (it’s focus is DEFINITELY on Kamala and getting stubborn “Inhuman fans” like me to accept her as a mutant….); I am mostly fine with it, since that seems to be what it takes for fans to get a “New X-Men: Academy X” book.

The biggest complaint I have is unsurprisingly Laura- we’re still sadly in the “Talon-esque”/ “Laura written as Wolverine” representation. Hopefully this gets better the more they feature her…but I do fear this era

will be very disappointing for Laura fans (I haven’t heard much about the Gabby/Laura mini either!)….

Question/Theories:

More and more I am thinking Laura and Julian are in cahoots- possibly Laura didn’t want Kamala involved because of her emotional connection with Julian…. It may just be that she wants to try and reform him; to give him the same chance he gave her…but I think more than likely she’s using Julian to spy on Empath. (Also because I can’t envision Manuel and Julian standing each other for more than five minutes lol)

Is Tag helping Hellion? I feel like Tag SHOULD be helping him, since they’re bros and Tag literally got blown up in a school bus… (Also his powers are cool…)

The BIGGEST question is- Is Hellion blasting “brat” through AirPods under that helmet? Is he having a “brat summer”? Is “Mean Girls” his favorite song? …(someone needs to make a “Hellion/brat YouTube fan vid” like they used to in the 2000’s 😂🤣… @romulanslutempire …?)

[velvet4510]

Ok this is the most random Frodo/Sam thing to be talking about but I must say it.

In the book, two of Frodo’s lines “it did not sound like the old Sam Gamgee he thought he knew” and “[Sam] was a conspirator, and now he’s a jester!” are among my absolute favorites, yet I’ve read a few interpretations of these moments that are so bizarre I feel I must defend and point out their real meaning.

A few chapter-by-chapter analyses/reviews of LOTR that I’ve read, including some on this site, seem to think that Frodo is being condescending here, that because Sam is his servant, he’s surprised to find out that Sam has “actual opinions about things and actual talents other than gardening.”

Clearly these people don’t understand Frodo. Frodo is not condescending towards anyone! That’s one of his best qualities - he treats everyone with respect. Sam and his father both point out how Frodo, like Bilbo, has always treated them with kindness and thoughtfulness.

These lines certainly have a lot to do with the social barrier between Frodo and Sam, but it’s not because of any biases on Frodo’s part. It’s because Frodo and Sam are not close friends at this point. Frodo’s besties are Merry and Pippin, and Sam’s besties are the Cottons. The two of them are not buddies who hang out and chat all the time. Until now, Sam has always worked outside while Frodo is either inside or lost in thought in a book outside. They’re quite friendly with each other, but they’re not close. At this point there is still a LOT they don’t know about each other. Another reason for this is that Shire life is practically routine. Things are always the same, day by day, and there’s not much opportunity for hobbits to discuss things that are unusual or uncommon to them.

Tolkien wrote these moments to show how Shire simplicity plus the class system has prevented Frodo and Sam from being able to fully know each other. And it’s when they leave the Shire and its class system behind that Frodo learns more about Sam.

Plus don’t forget that most hobbits don’t like things that are different. At all. They dismiss anything they don’t understand. Sam has been wondering about Elves for a long time, but when they actually meet Elves, Frodo is naturally assuming/worrying that Sam will change his mind and be like everyone else. He’s thinking “now that Sam sees just how different Elves are from what we’re used to, he’ll stop liking them.” And why wouldn’t he believe this? 98% of hobbits think this way about things that are different. This is why Frodo has never fit in and has been outcast and considered “odd.” He feels like there’s nobody besides Merry and Pippin who share his curiosity about new things. And Sam’s father is so set in his ways and indifferent toward what he doesn’t understand, so why wouldn’t Sam feel the same? Frodo doesn’t know Sam well enough at this point to assume any differently.

This is why I just cannot get enough of that “it did not sound like the old Sam Gamgee he thought he knew” line. It’s just like that classic moment in love stories where one realizes they didn’t really know the other at all, unexpectedly discovering they have something special in common. Frodo worries that Sam will dismiss the Elves… but instead, Sam says something very insightful and deep about them. Sam struggles to word what he means, but Frodo gets it. And he’s amazed. It hits him that Sam is different too, like him. Sam is actually interested in foreign things and thinks deeply and critically about them, just like Frodo. Sam is a kindred spirit, and Frodo is astonished. IMO, THIS is the moment where Frodo develops deeper feelings for Sam. He discovers that Sam thinks on the same wavelength that he does.

The same thing happens when Frodo says the “jester” line. He says this after Sam spontaneously invents and sings the song about trolls. Improvising an entire song on the spot, with perfect rhymes and all, isn’t exactly something that everyone can do. I certainly couldn’t do that. That takes a certain gift. Sam’s place in the class system has nothing to do with it. There are plenty of rich snobs in the Shire who could never improvise a troll song if their lives depended on it. Trolls are foreign to the Shire and yet another thing hobbits don’t really understand, but not only that, rhyming is just plain HARD. And here Sam does it like a pro. Of course Frodo is impressed. Don’t tell me you weren’t impressed when you first read this part in the book, and I bet you weren’t looking down on Sam for being the servant. Actually this scene shows Frodo giving Sam more respect than Pippin does. Pippin asks “where did you hear that?” assuming Sam heard the song from someone else. Only Frodo can tell that Sam made it up himself. (Side note: there’s another similar moment with Pippin earlier. Pippin orders Sam to make breakfast like one would order a servant; Frodo punishes Pippin for this rudeness by yanking Pippin’s blanket away and rolling him over. Of course Sam doesn’t mind cooking at all and would’ve done it even if Pippin hadn’t asked, but that scene, though subtle, shows Frodo doesn’t like anyone talking to Sam that way. Frodo himself never orders Sam to do anything. My point holds up.)

And it goes both ways. The horrors of the Quest cause Sam to see new depths to Frodo that he never saw before. He sees Frodo’s incredible endurance against both the Wraith wound and the Ring. He sees Frodo’s incredible nobleness and bravery, choosing to take on the burden of the Ring himself. Normal life in the Shire could never have brought out these qualities in Frodo for Sam to see. Sam, too, has a lot to learn about Frodo, and the Quest lets him see Frodo at his best and at his worst.

And everything they learn about each other only makes them love each other more and more.

[musicalmoritz]

One thing I rly hate in fandoms is ooc angst just be for the sake of having angst. It gets to the point where a lot of angst is corny to me bcuz ppl just make it to be emo without considering whether or not it actually aligns with canon

Kou Minamoto is one of the biggest examples of this that I’ve seen. There are so many angst posts abt him being sad that Nene is with Hanako, when he acts the exact opposite way in canon. The only time he’s really acted jealous over her was when Teru flirted with her, and that was more because he felt betrayed by his brother. He didn’t seem upset at all when Hanako crashed their “date” in Yako’s boundary, in fact he was perfectly happy to let Hanako tag along

There is plenty of angst to be made with Kounene, especially considering Nene’s short lifespan. Since the ship is treated as the designated “healthy” pairing in the fandom I also don’t see a lot of talk about how Kou’s savior complex would negatively impact their relationship. There’s just so much to talk about with them outside of the whole “Kou is sad because Nene has a boyfriend” thing. Kou has a boyfriend too so like, now what?? I’ll admit I’m very biased here, I don’t like the unrequited love trope very much. The angst that goes along with it isn’t really my cup of tea, so whenever I make Kounene fics/posts they’re almost always from Nene’s pov with her liking him back. It’s not that it’s too sad for me it’s just kinda lukewarm?? And some of it gives Nice Guy vibes idk. The way I see it, if one character isn’t interested then that’s where the relationship ends, so I don’t see the point in shipping anything that’s completely one-sided. Not trying to yuck anyone’s yums, this is just a preference

Anyways Kounene is a really good ship with a lot of potential besides just being “sad boy Kou hours.” There is another character that Kou gets very possessive over but for once this ain’t about them so I’m directing my attention towards Kounene. And preferences aside, I’d rather the angst just be in character. Teru is a character that gets very mopey about his crush being one-sided, so a lot of these Kounene angst posts would work great with him and Aoi or Akane. Again, it’s not my favorite trope in the world but I can see how it would make sense with him. But for Kounene I think there’s so much angst (and fluff) potential we’ve been missing out on by reusing the same trope. Let’s get creative with it!

[m1ssunderstanding]

Get Back Rewatch 55 Years On: Day Seven

Okay if anyone is super well-versed in the whole northern songs drama, I would LOVE your insights. I haven’t really looked into it, so all I know is they lost it right before the divorce meeting. What happened? What the hell is this? -- “Which includes Paul and John,” “Just about.” “What does that mean?” “No comment.”

The scouse getting thicker and thicker after “Carolina moOOn?” What can I say? I’m a sucker for it.

Paul’s absolute sugar-cookie heart-eyes when George walks in and then Ringo’s high-pitched “Hi Georgie!” Guys. Tone it down! I know you love him. But you just saw him yesterday, and you’ll see him again tomorrow. Oh wait . . . is today the day he quits?

John. If you look at your boyfriend like that while he’s being an attention-whore, he’s going to keep being an attention whore. So just. You know. Keep in mind what you’re encouraging here.

OMG they’re KISSING! (Live George reaction)

Paul. If you give your boyfriend what he wants while he’s being an attention-whore, he’s going to keep being an attention whore. So just. You know. Keep in mind what you’re encouraging here. (but literally, John just becomes a maniac, dancing and shouting, the MOMENT Paul goes to talk to George, and Paul’s instantly like “George, what george?”)

This Paul/George fight is, boiled down, literally just Paul being paranoid and anal and George trying to reassure him. “It’s not passe, it’s just a chord . . . yeah, but some drainies suit different occasions.”

“You need Eric Clapton.” “You need George Harrison.” John wasn’t here to be cute when George walked in, so he’s making up for it now.

“If you vamp, then it takes away from his vamping.” He says to the lead guitarist. Rolling my eyes so hard right now. See, the problem is, Paul loves George. But he’s IN love with John.

Literally, a montage of them raw-dogging it on the ground would be less gay than this insanity.

Poor baby. I would’ve quit a long time ago. Good for you.

I love John’s angsty guitar and torn-up vocals post-george.

And the minute her number one hater is gone, my girl gets on a mic! Way to be, honestly. And here’s the thing. Paul and Ringo (and obviously John) love it! There should’ve been a Beatles-Ono colab on a helter-skelter type track. Would’ve killed.

Paul swinging around on that scaffolding and me doing cartwheels in the bathroom between LSAT sections. ADHD besties!

John when George quits: “If he doesn’t come back by Tuesday we get Clapton in” (which he obviously doesn’t fully mean) VS John’s reaction when Paul misses one session: sprinting down the road and climbing a wall and screaming at him

Yoko sure does know how to cater to a fearful-anxious attachment. “John, John, John, Joooooooohhhhhhhnnnn!”

Literally Mo, marry me immediately! My kingdom for a kiss! She’s literally soo beyond gorgeous, I’m dying. Okay sorry I’ll be done now.

Men are the WORST! But who is making her laugh like that? Ringo? Is she looking off in the direction of the band? I can’t tell.

Another rare Paul feminist moment! Woop! “A7, D7, G7. Get ‘em off over the weekend and you’re in.”

“So, cats and kittens. What we gonna do?” . . . “Catch up! Cats and kittens. Don’t get left behind.” ???? There have got to be so many secret jabs on RAM for John to hate it so much that we just don’t understand. Is this one of them? Was this a saying of theirs?

Okay, good job. Now that the band is here, Mo isn’t being fucking mean-girled out of the circle. Also, Ringo sits by his wife, John by his girlfriend, and Paul by his daddy. As they should.

“The maresey beat awords for the best coople of the yeeuh.” Everyone studiously ignoring him. He’s so embarrassing.

I really really love Mo, though. Like I know I’m biased because she’s pretty, but her cute little “Yes!” when Paul jokingly suggests they do it at the cavern. She loved those days. The fact that she’s an og? God bless her, literally.

“Location isn’t really our main problem at the moment.” George Martin. “It’s breathing, actually.” said in the most casual voice possible but meant with the most wounded heart. Gosh, that one hurt. And then look how George Martin looks at him. His best boy is going through it.

The huggle! Ringo initiates it with Paul, of course, turning to him and gently gripping both biceps as he forces deep, direct eye contact. But then as Ringo’s pulling away, Paul leans into him and holds him there, talking. And as Ringo’s nodding, he looks to John, who basically pounces on both of them, head bowed, arms aggressive, pulling them all in, tighter, tighter until it’s a three-way head-bonk. Ringo’s hand at John’s waist now, and Paul’s fucking iron talons clenching desperately around his bicep. But still, John manages to pull away from Paul’s grip as Yoko inserts herself between them where, really, she decidedly does Not belong. It’s got to be the most painful non-hug ever recorded on camera. Nobody knows what anyone wants, let alone how to give it to them.

Why did the gayest one also have to be the saddest one though? I guess the Lord gives his hardest battles to his gayest soldiers, smh

[autumnmobile12]

I’m hoping that as Nocturne continues, that there might be some eventual parallels between Alucard and Richter.

I’ve mentioned in another post I don’t really like Richter.  I’m not going to reiterate the entire thing, but the long and short of it is I found his character unnecessarily mean-spirited.  Some of his dialogue really rubbed me the wrong way and I didn’t find his lines all that funny.  But it’s this specific line to Tera that sealed the deal with me disliking him.

“And you just happened to stumble upon it one day while you were out picking flowers?”

Um, what the fuck?  She raised you, gave you a safe place to grow up, has been a surrogate mother to you, and has shown you nothing but kindness and support, and you’re going to talk to her like that?  What an asshole.

And this is the difference between Richter and Trevor’s characters.  Trevor is an asshole, but did he ever talk to Sypha or her grandfather this way?  No.  Did he talk to Alucard this way?  Well…yeah, but also observe Alucard also woke up snarky and began insulting him from minute one, so we can argue they are delightfully matching each other’s energy with a vengeance.

But I’m not gonna lie…for the first two seasons, I also didn’t like Alucard’s character all that much and for the same reasons.  I’m a little biased as I generally don't like protagonists who are just mean for no reason.  We all know someone like that in real life, whether they’re a relative or a co-worker or a boss, so why deal with it in fiction?  Okay yeah, I get that it’s often part of a character arc and symbolism for growth and finding maturity.  I understand why storylines like this are necessary, but I’m still gonna hate the little shits for the duration they’re assholes.

So Alucard…the way he treats Trevor in the first two seasons is also pretty crappy behavior.

“I imagine one sacrifices a chicken, and divines the location of the book you want from the intestines. Maybe Belmont has a crystal ball in here you could ask. ….  Your ancestors were apparently mentally ill hoarders.  I fully expect to find family cats mummified under some of these shelves.  Unless your family preferred to eat them.”

You’re gonna talk to your comrade like that…in his own home…where his entire family was brutally slaughtered by a mob....possibly right in front of him?  Yeah, real charming, Alucard.  And this is the tone for his character in the beginning.  There is the point where Sypha calls him out and tells him to stop testing Trevor, but I think there’s another element at play.  “…and he’s a drunk and he’s self-destructive and anyone trying to hold on to him may as well be dragged down with him.”  He isn’t just testing him, he’s judging him and he’s already decided he’s a useless drunk who got lucky and happened to win a few fights.

All right, now that I’ve dragged him through the mud, I’m going to pull back and assess the wider perspective of Alucard’s full character arc.  Alucard’s growth follows the line of the spoiled brat who experienced hardship and had to grow up because of it.  I think Alucard lived a very sheltered life before his mother died, and his actions and dialogue in the Belmont Hold are the strongest indicator to this.  We clearly see he’s disgusted by the trophies and the history of murder against the vampires, and he is not shy about voicing his contempt towards the family’s entire purpose.  He’s right, though.  With the presence of the infant skull in the display case, we do get the very subtle nod that the Belmonts, for all their claims of virtue and protecting humanity, have also committed atrocities.  He does have a right to his anger against Trevor and his family.

But what’s absent from Alucard’s character here is the fact he doesn’t seem to consider the atrocities the vampires have committed against his mother’s people.  To the vampires, humans are food, livestock, and a lesser species.  Godbrand brutally murders several humans in his flashback with no clear intent on actually eating them, so he kills for sport.  Cho torments the humans in her court by amusing herself with duels to the death that only she can win.  Not a humane way to treat the vampire equivalent of livestock.  And exactly how long does Erzsebet Báthory keep those girls chained up while she drains them of blood?

Why does Alucard condone what the vampires do to humans and at the same time condemns the Belmonts for hunting the vampires?

The answer:  I don’t think he did because I don’t think he was fully aware of these scenarios.  Think about it, he had no knowledge of Dracula’s Generals and the only thing he talked about regarding his father was the tragedy of his madness and how killing him would be destroying centuries of knowledge.  I think Dracula wanted him to have a peaceful life and fed him the more rosy-colored version of their history.  Maybe he intended to tell him one day, and that day kept being put off by the sentiment,  “He’s a boy.  Let him continue to be a boy.”

Alucard lives his peaceful childhood until it comes to a screeching halt when Lisa is killed, so I honestly think there is an innocence behind his upbringing that gave him a very clear bias against the Belmonts that was completely justified in some elements and not so much in others.  There’s also the point that he keeps referencing Trevor as a drunk, which is very much condescension.  It’s not until Season 3, after he’s experienced his traumas and has fallen into his own slump of grief that his attitude towards Trevor changes.   There’s still ribbing between the pair, but it’s not the same cutting remarks that we saw back in Season 2.  Alucard walked a mile in Trevor’s shoes, and that mile was bitter.

...

So where I stand with Nocturne:  Richter has started off in a way similar to Alucard.  He lost his mother at a young age, but aside from that, he grew up safe and loved in a stable home, has a good relationship with Tera and Maria, and has otherwise led a relatively peaceful life. Even in the midst of the French Revolution, they don't seem like suffering peasants.  Like Alucard before his world truly went to hell, Richter also didn’t have a full concept of what real hardship looks like.  This is apparent when he’s all confidence and bravado, going around and yelling he’s the ‘last of the Belmonts’ and he ‘kills vampires’ and “Who’s next?”  And then Olrox shows up and he cows him right back into the scared, little boy he’s pretending he’s not.

And so not only is there a parallel between Richter and Alucard, but there is also a big one between Trevor and Annette.  Both of them have suffered through their own individual hardships, both losing their loved ones in some of the most brutal ways imaginable, but those same hardships gave them their pride and their poignant maturity and cynicism in how they see the world.  Granted, the difference between Trevor and Annette is she never lost her purpose or her will to fight despite having been dealt the worse lot of having been born a slave, but still…Trevor never ran away from his nightmares like Richter did.  Even though Annette and Trevor have their moments when they are scared, both of them stood up and said,  “Fuck it, I have a bastard to kill and if I die killing them, so be it.”  They don’t give an absolute damn.  They took their pain and they wore it like armor.

“Killing you was the point.  Living was a luxury.”

“If I let my past terrify me, I’d never be free of it.”

…

Compared to them, Richter is a spoiled brat who has yet to grow up.

And I think Alucard’s going to be right there with him saying,  “Don’t worry.  I was like you once and we’ll get there together.”

[just-orbiting-you]

Before you judge me I would like to clear it I’m a JK biased army and have loved seeing jikook since 2017. 3 episodes in, I realised this is the most detached jikook interactions I have ever seen. Some would say they are meeting after a long time (which is terrible imo if I see them as a couple) and there’s cameras so it’s obvious there might be awkwardness amongst the two but THIS also isn’t their first rodeo so all of it is pretty saddening. All that skinship doesn’t faze me anymore cause how JK was treating JM was something I wouldn’t even treat a friend (and never a LOVER) that I have met after years. Especially if that friend is sick and suffering. I tried to explain myself that maybe he tried to lighten the atmosphere by giving JM time to rest while entertaining us thru other ways but apart from jokes, there wasn’t a hint of reassurance from his side. And you could say he built a stone shrine but i just that’s how JK is. He’s spontaneous, saw some stones and built it. We don’t even see him wishing for JM as everyone says. And this is so opposite of the JK I have always seen with JM. Sure I got to see his caring side with how he shared food and drinks with the staff. That’s the considerate JK I love and have seen through years. But I couldn’t locate this JK in any way with his interactions with JM. Again they were meeting after a time… okay yes they were but in this same period that they haven’t allegedly met we saw JK giggling and asking JM to meet multiple times in his Weverse lives in 2023, watching compilations of JM related content and I thought it’s so obvious that this guy is missing JM and loves & cares for him and that’s what is the blatant difference in Wlives and AYS JK like it’s two different people.

I have never really been threatened by Tae’s presence in Jikook matters cause I simply never saw any thing romantic like in their interactions but Jikook has been a different story to me with all the growth in their dynamics, GCF tokyo, rose bowl and so much more. Through all this period, I have only seen the soft loving dynamic between the two so AYS has been a huge shock for me. Even if they weren’t together it would be sad but definitely okay for me but even in last episode JK said hope you get a bad stomach again this time or saying why didn’t his boat flip and trying to push the kayak and all of it was a no-no for me because it was surprising to see him say these things when I know he’s always been a considerate and respectful guy every time. Is this only me?

disclaimer

i understand this conversation was happening last week, but it is coming back again i believe. i hope my answer to this illuminates that i am sort of over this level of scrutiny of their words and actions, because it gets us nowhere and i am often left feeling a little sad. id rather let us enjoy this content for what it is right now and see what the hell comes out of it. also please be respectful if anyone chooses to add on to this conversation thanks.

my immediate reaction to the show was a similar level of confusion and slight disappointment at the perceived difference in ays' jikook. the bickering over the parking, the crude bathroom humor, and jungkook's comments about jimin's kayak like you mentioned all were also shocks to me too. but as time went on, i tried to let go of it. i needed the reality check that we will truly never fully understand jikook's bond.

we are used to finding small crumbs in larger scale pieces of content - sort of like ays ep 3. and oddly enough those are the softer moments. little little small things like jungkook's hand on his knee and his concern after jimin got hurt. that's the jungkook i am used to. but you zoom out of those moments and they feel different - why? we've never seen them just exist. this may be a regular part of their friendship dynamic that we have just never seen. i do think jungkook growing up does play a part as well. i found him to be much more loud, talkative, and brash then i previously assumed. but the reminder that they are people who will change overtime is very needed and valid.

i don't really know what to make of it, but i don't want to make inferences. yes, it is jarring in places, but i don't exactly know what it means for their friendship because... i am not apart of their relationship. the only thing i know is jimin still decided to spend time with him, keep the show going, and eventually enlist with him. jimin hasn't had problems speaking with jungkook about his actions in the past (rainy day fight call out), so i truly think if jungkook did something to hurt him, he would say so. i trust them to manage their relationships themselves.

i know this gets into speculation territory, but i feel like the camera may play a bigger difference then we think. jungkook says at the end of ep 2 that "we should become entertainers so good we can do this til we're 50." jungkook is also the one concerned with the theme of the show and are you sure?! as a whole. jimin just seems to be trying to make the most of his bad fortune on these trips. i think if anything, jungkook is turning to joking and silliness for the sake of the show's entertainment factor. also, we are only seeing select, edited clips from a 72 hour-long trip. jungkook does check in with jimin verbally a few times across the first two eps and i'm hoping he did help jimin out as much as he could, but that all could very well be cut out. from the editing point of view, it's not about those tender moments. why include jimin getting continuously sprayed with water guns and a bunch of poop jokes (aka embarrassing him on camera), but seemingly none of these quieter conversations and intimate moments that most likely did happen? it's for the sake of the show and its narrative. it would be really funny if a lot of this pops up in the behind the scenes footage. there's always a grain of salt you need to take while watching these contents, since we sincerely will never have a full glimpse into their relationship.

thank you for your ask anon! i appreciate your honesty on this show.

[bg3-npc]

Asexual Awareness Week and BG3

Below the cut is 1,100+ words of interpreting Wyll Ravengard as demisexual. As an asexual person, I relate to many of Wyll's desires and experiences. That relation has lead me to this interpretation of him as a character. Interpretation is the key word here. This is simply another way view this character and gain insight. It's obviously extremely biased, which is why I put the word count first. So if your interested in analysis that is probably more projection than interpretation, I bring you this.

Wyll is portrayed as an almost incurable romantic. He constantly references stories, tales, fables, and myths when discussing his romantic desires. Romance heavily influences his sexual desires as well. It is practically inherent to his sexual attraction. While this can be viewed as idealism, I want to propose an alternative outlook. One where he hasn’t conflated romance and sexuality, but rather one where romance is vital to his sexuality.

Wyll talks little of his sexual habits outside of when romance is being discussed. These quotes are about dancing, but they happen while you’re romancing him.

“Don't worry! It's not really about the dance, it's about who's we're dancing with.”

“I had years of lessons but in truth it's all about your partner.”

Like when you’re romancing most companions, many things said have multiple meanings or implications. He’s telling you that while he does enjoy sex, it’s who you’re doing it with that makes it truly pleasurable. I think Wyll desires the intimacy that comes from sex more than the act itself. He’s drawn to the connection it brings rather than the pleasure.

At one point he describes his sexual history as “tight-laced” when he’s talking with Shadowheart.  He says, “I was never one to sew my wild oats.” Apparently Wyll hasn’t had to practice and exercise much sexual restraint in his life. It’s easy to control one’s sexual desires when you don’t really feel them to begin with.

While he can understand people’s various sexual habits, I don’t think he can relate. He doesn’t see the appeal to casual sex. Sex doesn’t feel satisfying to him without connection. He has impulses, and sometimes he wants to act on them, but they don’t seem worth it. He doesn’t derive enough pleasure from the act alone to pursue it. Romantic relationships already provide sex, and he values love above all else. Why would he want anything else?

“Eh-heh, well, give it some time! Develop a bond, and…maybe I'll show you a move or two.”

“Hm, think of love as a strong ale, or a warm fire. Is the clang of steel on steel not made more satisfying by the pleasures that come after?”

Doesn’t sex feel decidedly better when you’re having it with someone you care for? How satisfactory can it be without attachment? How truly enjoyable is it without a bond?

“I value affection, over fun. A lasting memory over a passing fancy.” 

“But I’ve always been a bit old-fashioned on these matters. I find more pleasure in a courtly dance, than a loveless fling.”

Isn’t it more fulfilling to love someone than lust for them? Do you not feel more fulfilled from loving someone than sleeping with them? Is sex even worth having without love?

“Gods I want you, but I can't take your body without taking your heart.”

Can Wyll even give you his body without giving you his heart? They seem to go hand in hand for him. Love is essential to his sexual enjoyment, he doesn’t seem to experience sexual desire without it. Love might be the only way he can desire it. Here is an interaction between him and Astarion.

Astarion: "You didn’t kiss anyone until you were fifteen?! Gods. What a tragic, sheltered life."

Wyll: "Sheltered? Not at all! I was exposed to all manner of riot and revelry. Hells, my father even urged me on once or twice."

His romantic tendencies don’t come from inexperience or prudishness. Wyll isn’t oblivious or naive when it comes to sex. He’s been exposed and even encouraged to have it. While he might call it “proper”, Wyll is aware his way of courting isn’t for everyone. Your sexual habits might not align with his personal wants, but he won’t respect you any less for yours. Wyll does not believe your sex life effects your worth. If anything, he feels his wants are regressive.

“But I still keep faith in the old tales of love. The ‘once upon a times’ and the ‘happily ever-afters’.”

“I'd, like to do this the proper way. The way of the old romances sung by the bards.”

“But I’ve always been a bit old-fashioned on these matters.”

He constantly uses the word “old” to describe his courting methods. He’s acknowledges these desires aren’t modern, and by referencing fairytales he’s aware they might even be fictious. He calls his sexual habits “tight-laced”, his romantic intentions as “old-fashioned”. They’re not exactly said negatively, but more with the acknowledgment that his wants come across as restrictive. When the habits of today hold no appeal to you, you feel stuck in the past. What are you supposed to do when fiction seems to be the only place where romance is done how you’d like?

If you have sex with Mizora, these are some of his responses.

“You shared your body with the fiend who holds my soul.”

“We danced! We made a connection…and you severed it for a single bite of the Hells?”

This next quote is how he responds if you say, ‘Can you blame me? It’s not like you’ve been putting out.’

“Is that what matters to you? Sex without union? Heat without heart? Did you not take joy in the dance?”

Now obviously the biggest issue is you slept with the being that holds his soul. However, he says these things because he thought you felt the same way about sex as he does. He thought sex was an act as precious to you as it was to him. He thought you also prioritized love over physicality. He thought you enjoyed the way things were going, clearly he was. Had he known you didn’t feel the same, he probably never would’ve pursued you.

Wyll doesn’t do casual, he doesn’t do “let’s see where this goes”. He seems like the type to pursue every romance with the intention of marriage. No, he won’t propose on the first date. He won’t even necessarily think either of you are compatible. However, that’s the whole point of courting! It’s to test the potential of forever. He likes agreements, he likes pacts. He wants certainty, reliability.

Yes, he probably hasn't had much firsthand experience with relationships. Yes, all these things can be seen as restraint. Yes, they can be seen as repression. They can also be seen as someone who knows himself and genuinely wants “happily ever after”. Someone who’s aware of what he’s asking and wants you to desire it as well. Maybe love is the only way he can connect to his sexual desires. Maybe love is important to him because it’s the only way he can truly enjoy sex. Love might be the only thing that lets him experience sex like everyone else. Maybe love is the only thing that let's him feel sex like it’s described in fantasy. Maybe he’s lost in that fantasy, or maybe he’s just demisexual.

[hiscloakmydaggers]

Where You Should Be, What You Should Think

quick oneshot im working on cause im in block. writing depressed deacon is what remotivates me

｡ﾟ☁︎｡ ☀︎ ｡ﾟ☁︎

Minutes go by fast when Deacon isn’t paying attention. It wasn’t like he was going to use them any wiser than right now. Sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at his reflection in his glasses. Embarrassing to admit, but he hadn’t really looked at himself in a while. He was uglier than he remembered.

His fingers traced over the lines on his forehead, as if checking if they were real. Eyes once large and sky blue had fallen considerably, now droopy and dark. He blinked for them to reappear in the same sad shape.

“Wow,” Deacon chuckled at himself with disappointment, “I let myself go…” he rubbed his face, pressing his thumbs tight into any blemishes. “I really gotta- shit.”

Quickly he cleared his throat, his complaining interrupted by Nic peering in through the door behind him. The man stepped in, hunching over, since he could barely fit through the frame. “What are you doing here? The food’s almost done.”

Deacon had almost forgotten already. Everybody else was outside, doing a feast of sorts since Curie swore it would improve mental wellness or something - Sheesh, maybe I should participate then - cringing, he grit his teeth.

“Yeah, yeah, just need to take a break,” he hollowed his cheeks in a dramatic breath, folding his hands behind his back. Nic glared at him with suspicion. “I’m real tired, you know, I-I think I just wanna take a nap instead. Save some Mirelurk for me, with the sal-”

“But you slept almost all night?”

“Pfft, no I didn’t.”

“I know you did.”

“How would you,” Nic started to blush, giving him the answer, “nevermind. It’s nothing serious though, you should go out with the others. Have fun for once!”

Abruptly, Nic lowered to his height to cup his cheek, “I’m not going out if you’re moping here. You need to have fun for once. Just come out, say hello, get something to eat…” He trailed off, drifting his eyes down Deacon’s torso. “Are you sure you aren’t hungry?”

Deacon closed his arms around his chest, “uhh, yeah. Why?”

Nic grabbed one of his wrists, pulling it back to expose him again. “You look smaller.”

Deacon knew he hadn’t been eating a lot recently, but to the point Nic noticed just like that? Maybe he had some problems. “Pfft, you sure your perspective isn’t a tad bit biased, big guy?”

“You’re too small. Come out and eat.”

“Honey I told you, not hungry.”

“Then I’m not going out.”

Exasperated, Deacon dropped his hands to his lap, “not gonna fight. Don’t have the energy to.”

Nic bit his lip, analyzing his every move. His arm wanted to go around Deacon’s waist, but didn’t, instead he held his hand. “Are you serious? Nothing is going on with you? I can tell when something’s off with you… I know how you act.”

The spy watched the dust on the ground, “don’t really know what you want me to say. I’m tired, that’s it.” He grunted as Nic pulled him into a warm hug. “Do not… trying to be sappy right now.”

“I don’t want to hear your jokes. Is everything okay or not?”

“I just don’t like how I’m looking recently! Like my age is really getting to me, man.”

Nic gawked at Deacon as if he was insane, “what are you talking about?” His thumb caressed his hand, so cheekily it was just gross.

“I mean I think I look like an old ugly man,” he shrugged off his insecurities. “You see, this is why I need my glasses. Mostly cause it’s bright out, but also-”

“You aren’t ugly at all,” Nic’s face dipped into the curve of his neck, planting pure kisses, “who told you that?”

“This total asshole named Deacon. You should kill him for me.” He chuckled and patted his head.

Grumbling, Nic took hold of Deacon’s shoulders, “I’m not killing anyone, especially you.” He ran a stressed hand through his hair, “I don’t understand. You’re… sad because you think you’re ugly? Baby, how could you even think that?” He gulps and stares deep into Deacon’s eyes. “You’re so beautiful.”

For some reason Deacon felt teary. His brain told him to ignore whatever Nic was saying, but his heart made him listen. He looked off to the side awkwardly, trying to find his shield: his glasses. “Ahhh, thank you honey. You can make anybody swoon, I swear… I am just lucky.”

One smooth move and Nic’s hands were to Deacon’s waist in an instant. He leaned down with his weight, pushing his husband to lay on the bed, “you’re not just ‘anybody.’ You’re so much more to me.” His hands stood firm like pillars between Deacon’s arms and waist. He buried his face back in the crook of his neck, basking in the warmth. “I don’t get how you aren’t seeing that.”

His voice, his movements, everything made Deacon’s eyes pop and voice tremble to air. “I… hah, what!?”

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

sorry but im prolly never gonna post the full 😭😭 iykyk, its one of those fics i wouldnt publicly share bc of how much im totally reflecting. just know deacon does not hate himself as much at the end

[waxingrunes]

But it’s so biased and top Remus is so preferred. I just wish you were more into bottom Remus or sub Remus because it’s such a waste. Your style is so good you could make it look so good but you’re wasting your potential on one thing

I appreciate you might not be coming in at a volatile angle but I’m not your sounding board for fandom bias. Thank you for the compliment but since the last two weeks I’ve received two or three messages suggesting I should do this and that, or why I’m wrong for doing this and that, and I’ve no clue where you’re coming from. I welcome discussions on a mature and adult basis as I’m a sexually lucrative person, but the discourse I see around fandom and bedrooming is mad and makes me believe none of you have any real life experience on the topic.

Before anyone spits on my neck this isn’t me bashing asexuals, those who have chosen not to or are yet to engage in sexual or intimate relations for any reasons, or those who choose to explore their sexuality through the virtual experience of fiction and/or other online resources. I’m talking about those who witter and whine to their screens about how wrong things are, how it’s ‘stupid’ or ‘weird’ to like one thing or have preferences— last time I checked there’s no wrong way to do fiction based on the fact alone that it is fiction.

If you want to take character A and make them top, enjoy them topping, only really want to engage in character A topping environments then you hop on your merry way and saturate your experience with it. If you think character B looks like they should bottom and only enjoy it when they do so and don’t fancy reading or seeing anything that involves them doing the opposite, curate your experience to reflect exactly that. STOP ALLOWING PEOPLE TO TELL YOU HOW TO ENJOY THINGS (full stop) IN A FICTIONAL SETTING. Stop allowing people to make you feel weird or wrong for simply wanting character A to pound character B and treat them like a princess. None of us are marching up to a real life queer couple, sizing them up based on the few facts and visuals we have on them, then telling them why they don’t fuck right. This is not real life, this is play pretend and should be a safe space to enjoy whatever the fuck you want, as many times as you want, wherever you want, with whatever fucking bias you want. Go find the people who think like you and keep any ailments you have about things just like that, between you. As long as you’re not taking to public platform to shit on others, people’s likes and dislikes, and keep your opinions to the comfort of your friendship group confessionals then I promise you, there is no wrong way to do fandom.

If you are one of those people who are making posts and whipping out your scriptures like you’re some wolfstar or whoever the fuck’s prophet, coming in clutch with your lists and reasons and thesis, running around dropping anonymous messages or losing sleep because fictional character is just not to your liking and oh no the world is off its axis, put your message BACK in the bottle. Nobody cares that much and those who do I guarantee you, I guarantee you my friends, there is life outside of the internet.

[hotreadingwitch]

MADE TO LIE - the party

Y/N 

Bucky might be handsome, sure, but that didn’t excuse his cold behaviour.

“God, he’s driving me mad” Y/n declared as Natasha helped her pin her hair in a glamorous old Hollywood-esque style. 

“I’m sure it’ll get easier between you two the more you get to know each other” Wanda encouraged. 

“Yeah and Steve adores him so he can’t be that awful deep down” 

“True” Y/n conceded before continuing, her anger and insecurities simmering like a pot of boiling water, “I just can’t get past the feeling that he despises me” 

“I don’t know if he does Y/n…” Natasha started.

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, sometimes you act like you hate someone when really you’re just confused about feeling…something else?” 

“You think he likes me?” 

“Well,” she sighed, “You never know…it’s just an observation” 

“Maybe he’s shy” Wanda added. 

Y/n scoffed. 

“I find that hard to believe” 

“I think there’s probably more to Bucky Barnes than any of us know…” 

BUCKY

When Y/n stepped into the large party room it felt to Bucky as if everyone, including him, suddenly noticed her all at once. The thought of hundreds of eyes on her made his stomach rumble with discomfort and protectiveness but also a small sense of pride. Her dress was some designer couture, clearly straight from the runway but she wore it better than any model ever could in his opinion. She shone in it, somehow not overpowered by the thousand glittering black beads and pearls that were delicately interwoven with the dress’s fabric. Bucky placed a hand on the ache in his chest, physically feeling overwhelmed, her beauty was so intense it was all-consuming. 

“Are you okay James?” Dr. Pashia asked cautiously. 

He tore his gaze away from Y/n only to notice his therapist’s sly smile. 

“Don’t” he groaned, scratching at his 5 o’clock shadow, “Between you and Steve I can’t catch a break…” 

“Well, my lips are sealed then” she mimed the action cheekily. 

Bucky let out a loose, gravelly laugh, smiling down at her. He was endlessly grateful for her professional help and in the last couple of years working with her, she’d almost become a friend. 

“Thanks, Doc” 

The pair talked and talked, joking in a natural way that only a great therapist and patient could. 

His gaze subconsciously flitted to where Y/n was in the room again and again as the night went on. Dr. Pashia said nothing about it, thankfully. When his eyes landed on her a third time he was surprised to find she was glaring at him with so much intensity he almost stumbled even though he was standing perfectly still. He watched as she slowly turned back to whoever it was she was talking to and threw her head back with a flirtatious little laugh. The man was tall, like him, with long, slicked black hair and piercing, devilish eyes. A rush of heat hit his cheeks. With a frustrated growl, he turned away, excusing himself before stalking over to the bar where he noticed Natasha was helping with drinks. The loud current pop music and throwbacks playing at the party pounded loudly in his ears. 

I’m in love with the shape of you…

“Hey,” he bit out when he reached the bar. 

“Hey,” she hesitated, looking visibly amused. 

“What’s that look for?” He grumbled, agitated. 

“Trouble with Y/n?” 

“Is everyone able to read me these days?” He groaned, “What happened to being a top-class assassin?” 

She raised her glass in a toast, “Oh how the mighty have fallen…” 

He clinked hers in a sardonic cheers. If anyone could understand how it felt to suddenly gain autonomy after years of torture and control, it was Natasha. 

“I’d give her a chance you know?” she continued, making Bucky’s eyebrow raise, “I’m biased as a best friend sure but that doesn’t mean she isn’t truly the kindest person I’ve ever known” 

Bucky’s eyes softened, after talking to Natasha he was filled with a new purpose, one that started with an apology. When he finally turned away, heading back to the party, he stopped mid-step…

Y/N

After her talk with Wanda and Natasha, the girls had practically drunk their body weight in hard liquor, Wanda not even making it to the party. When Y/n arrived, it seemed that all the other Avengers were busy, either with each other or with the hoards of people Tony had invited to come. A little while later, her eyes finally found Barnes in the crowd and immediately narrowed. He was talking to probably one of the most beautiful women she had ever seen. 

She turned away from the scene unfolding before her, strutting over to the nearest handsome man she could find, and tonight there were many.

Grab somebody sexy tell ‘em hey 

The music blared over the speakers. 

“Hi,” Y/n greeted with a flirting glance up at the tall stranger. 

“Well hello there” he responded, his mouth curving into a naughty grin. 

“Y/n” she held out her hand to shake. 

He took it, placing a dapper kiss on her skin before introducing himself, “God of Mischief” 

She threw her head back, laughing a little more than she normally would at such a stupid joke. 

Give me everything tonight

By the time they made it to the dance floor the song from earlier was almost making the space shake, not to mention the people covering the dance floor. 

I might drink a little more than I should tonight 

And I might take you home with me tonight 

Y/n swayed along with the stranger, allowing his hands to press into the curves of her hips. All was going well until a different hand, a cool metal one, planted itself on her shoulder from behind. 

“Hi honey” his sarcastic tone grated her eardrums. 

She turned with an annoyed look to see none other than Bucky Barnes glowering in front of her. 

“Can I help you?” She feigned innocence. 

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, likely out of annoyance. But she didn’t care…Let him be annoyed. 

She turned back to the stranger to find that he’d disappeared. 

“What do you want Bucky?” 

“What do I—“ he grazed a frustrated hand over his mouth, “What do I want? It doesn’t matter what I want Y/n. What matters is that I’m the only one you should even be near tonight, this might not be an official mission but that won’t stop people from talking”

“Apologies, I didn’t know you could even stand my presence”

He looked taken aback by this but before he could respond a woman backed into him, bumping him forward toward Y/n so that their chests were pressed together. He gripped onto Y/n’s wrist, seemingly for support as he stumbled slightly. The woman’s perfect olive-brown skin gleamed in the lights and she smiled at Bucky, a sweet smile that made him sigh and shake his head. 

Y/n realized in an instant that this was the woman that Bucky had been talking to earlier. She had seen enough. She attempted to rip her hand away from his but he whipped his gaze back to her, his grip on her only growing tighter. It was then, just as Y/n was about to speak, that the overhead lighting dimmed and a mellow piano melody began to fill the large space. 

She turned her head, noticing quickly with a groan the other drunken party-goers who were now forming pairs to partake in the slow dance.

Like a flower, waiting to bloom

Like a light bulb in a dark room

I’m just sitting here waiting for you

To come on home 

And turn me on

Y/n’s heart ached at the DJ’s choice of song as she reached out, placing her other hand on Bucky’s strong shoulder. Lost to the music, her fingers brushed the swell of his muscle, tracing down to his collarbone. If she noticed how this movement made Bucky’s breathing hitch, she didn’t say anything about it. 

“So now you want to play the part?” Bucky chuckled, raising a thick eyebrow in a light-hearted manner that she hadn’t seen directed at her in all the time she’d known him. 

Like the desert 

Waiting for the rain 

A beat passed, a thoughtful silence settling between them. 

“My father used to listen to this song…we’d waltz to it when I was a little girl, it was my mother’s favourite” Y/n admitted softly. 

She winced then, looking up into Bucky’s steely eyes to measure his reaction, information about her abusive crime boss father wasn’t what she normally started conversations with. But his gaze was surprisingly soft. 

“I’m sorry…” Bucky murmured, pulling her slightly closer. 

Y/n sighed. She supposed all the Avengers had been briefed on her past when she first joined the initiative but she wasn’t sure. This confirmed that. A couple of years ago, Y/n had fled her father’s French crime organization, giving information to Nick Fury that would later contribute to the group’s effort to lock him up, neutralizing him as a threat for good. In a twisted way, she was glad that her father was no longer a danger to her or anyone else. 

“Thank you” she whispered back, “I suppose it’s a bit of a weird father-daughter song anyway” 

“Perfect for a weird father-daughter duo then” Bucky smirked playfully. 

Y/n’s eyes widened before she let out a startled laugh. No one ever dared to joke with her about her past, especially about her father. 

“Very true” a small smile spread across her lips. 

She hesitated then, leaning forward to rest her head on Bucky’s shoulder. She found his planes of muscle were soft on her cheek, the quality of his expensive-looking suit surely helping with that. 

I’m just sitting here 

Waiting for you to come on home 

And turn me on

Turn me on

The music faded out eventually but Y/n didn’t really notice. 

BUCKY 

Y/n was drunk and Bucky had forgotten what it felt like to be as the super soldier serum mostly prevented it. He did, however, remember the stories of him coming home sloshed and sloppy that Steve refused to let him forget…and sloshed and sloppy was exactly what Y/n was now.

“Come on doll” Bucky pushed softly as he guided Y/n through the compound hallways to where he hoped her room was located. 

“Here, here—” she slurred her words as they reached the door, cutting herself off with a small burp. 

Bucky tried not to laugh as he took in her drunken state. After they’d danced together for three of four more songs, Y/n and Bucky had rejoined the group who were then playing a ridiculous drinking game that someone had come up with. Bucky glared daggers at the tall, dark-haired man who had been dancing with Y/n before, who he learned was Loki, Thor’s mischievous brother. Besides that though, he had actually managed to have a pretty good time. It seemed, however, that Y/n, who’d drank double her weight in liquor, had an even better experience. 

Y/n stumbled onto her bed, bending over with a huff as she tried to take off her ridiculously high heels. She pulled and pulled at the stubborn shoe, not realizing, in her state, that she had to undo the buckle first. Rolling his eyes, Bucky got to his knees before her. 

“What are you doing Barnes?” she garbled. 

“Taking off your shoes” he chuffed, “And you never call me that…” 

“Well maybe I do now” 

He raised his eyebrows.

“Fine, fine, ‘Bucky’ it is, though I don’t know why you’re insisting…” her eyes glazed over, “Unless you just like hearing me say your name” 

A flame lit in Bucky’s eyes. 

“Go shower” he commanded gruffly. 

“M’kay” she agreed before stumbling into the bathroom, the moment forgotten, just another drunken thought that she’d likely forget by morning. 

She left the door open as she did, allowing Bucky a full view of her as she stripped out of her fancy dress and the lacy lingerie beneath it. Tearing his eyes away from Y/n out of respect for her privacy was the least of his issues. What worried him now was the fact that she might slip. Sure enough, after a single minute passed, Bucky heard a small yelp coming from the steamy bathroom. His gaze snapped to the shower where Y/n was on the ground, her knees curled up to her chest. He ran into the room, opened the door to the shower and, being careful not to look, helped her to her feet. 

“Are you hurt?” 

The freezing cold water ran down his suit, soaking him to his core, but he didn’t care. When she didn’t answer he prodded again, 

“Why didn’t you turn the water to be hot?” 

“Because” she responded with a non-committal shrug. 

Without another word, Bucky grabbed a fluffy towel from outside the shower and wrapped it around her, turning off the stream of now-warm water. 

“Come” he ushered her to her bed. 

He flipped open the plush sheets, helping her to settle between them. 

“Why are you being so nice to me?” the words poured out of her with startling vulnerability. 

“Because” he responded gruffly, repeating her seemingly nonchalant words from earlier.

“Because” she slowly whispered back, speaking into the dark, “Because…” 

Bucky’s laugh was a quiet puff. 

“No laughing” she drunkenly chided, though her smile was at odds with her words, “I’m tired” 

“Then sleep doll” he caressed her forehead, making her hum with contentment. 

Only when she had finally drifted off into a heavy, peaceful slumber, did he finally leave. 

A/N - the three songs with lyrics used in the chapter are Shape of You by Ed Sheeran, Turn Me On by Norah Jones, and Give Me Everything by Pitbull, Neyo, AFROJACK and Nayer

requested account tags:

cjand10 identity2212 bucky-jbb-sunshine unaxv hnnhbananananana