#also--“chirpsing”--please kill me

[bairdthereader]

It's Imogen's turn now.

[I'll preface this by saying that I usually hate when tv or film adaptations of books add new characters, and I'm immediately biased against them when they show up on screen (hi, I'm the problem, it's me). I'll admit I felt that way about Imogen at first. But Alice is such a genius, and they wrote Imogen into the storyline in such a way that she feels not just essential to the plot, but also to some of the other characters' development. And to top it off, this girl gets one heck of a character arc. For this post, I'll focus on just one aspect of her journey: her gradual movement from loneliness to connection.]

At the beginning of season 1, Imogen is one of the few girls who hangs out regularly in front of the boys' school. On the surface this could look like a typical way to attract a boyfriend within a known and relatively safe group. But, unusually, she's never seen interacting with anyone else in any meaningful way, the first clue that this group might be all she has. The other boys in the group seem to engage her minimally, and only mention her in terms of her attractiveness and as a potential match for Nick. Compared with their indifference, Imogen can clearly see that Nick is a good choice--attractiveness and rugby king status aside, he's a kind and attentive part of their friend group, and she's known him a long time, even if only superficially. Cue an awkwardly aggressive pursuit that includes:

A lack of respect for Nick's privacy;

Nonconsensual touch;

Inviting herself into his life in public where it's hard for him to say no, then broadcasting an inaccurate relationship status to their friends;

And petty, self-protecting revenge for perceived rejection.

None of these behaviors are particularly pleasing to watch happen, especially when we know everything Nick is struggling with internally, but they are very typical of someone who desperately wants connection but doesn't know how to achieve it in a non-superficial way. Imogen is genuinely fond of Nick, and even amid all of the obnoxious but socially acceptable ways she tries to hold his attention you can see glimpses of that fondness and care (letting him off the hook when he clearly doesn't want to say he likes her back at the dance comes to mind). The fact that she still pursues him the way she does doesn't make Imogen a bad person; it shows us she’s a lonely person, particularly vulnerable to the currents of peer pressure and expected societal norms, long before she admits in season 2 that she doesn’t actually have that many friends.

And then, we get the hugely important conversation in the park with Nick (and Nellie, the emotional support dog we all need). It must be said that Nick is choosing to share a really complex part of himself with Imogen here; he could easily have left it at “I don’t like you like that.” But instead, he takes this moment when Imogen isn’t distracted by posturing or fitting in or flirting to tell her what’s really going on in his mind. On some level, he trusts her with this truth—not the whole truth, obviously, but a big part of it—which tells us he recognizes that beneath her façade Imogen is a caring, trustworthy, and kind person. Naturally most of the focus in this scene is on Nick, but this talk also marks the beginning of Imogen's journey toward authenticity. It starts with the realization that she feels at least some of the same things Nick is feeling about being afraid to change and not fitting in, followed by a shift in her perspective on Nick himself.

Once Nick is no longer a romantic prospect, there's room for her to consider him as a whole person and a true friend, not just someone she "hangs out with every morning." She can begin to see and value the things about him that are intrinsic parts of his nature, rather than the outward trappings of just a datable boy. Imogen can let down her guard with him because he let his down with her first. She can give more of her true self to this friendship because Nick has no expectations of her beyond that she be kind and be herself. There are no popularity points to earn, no hoops to jump through, no fear of rejection. So now, she protects him from the scorn he might have received from their friend group by saying the decision not to date was hers. She begins respecting his personal space. She cares for and observes him on a deep enough level to understand at least a bit of what is happening when Nick takes Charlie off the field at sports day. She’s learning what it is to both be and have a real, authentic friend, maybe for the first time. This helps her to view other people in her life through this more discerning and nuanced lens as well.

Clearly Nick has grown to appreciate Imogen's friendship on a deeper level too, since she's the first person from his old friend group he really wants to come out to and tell about Charlie, so much so that he and Charlie make a fairly elaborate plan to create a safe space for him to do so. The sleepover at Charlie's house is another quiet watershed moment for Imogen, because Charlie's friend group welcomes her so unreservedly. They might be a little surprised to see Imogen there, Tara and Darcy may have not had the most positive feelings toward her before, and the rest of them might have some lingering reserve based on her attachment to the Harry cadre, but... They put all of that aside and draw her in with warmth and enthusiasm, partly because that is just the kind of lovely people they are, partly because Charlie and Nick are implicitly vouching for Imogen, and partly because when Imogen lets her guard down, when she's not trying to impress or flirt or maintain a certain image, she's quite lovely and fun herself.

Nick has been making a parallel journey toward connection and true friendship, but in a slightly different way. While Nick actively seeks points of connection by using his emotional intelligence and intuition, Imogen journeys into deeper friendships by enjoying the genuine kindness of the people in Charlie's friend group enough to be herself around them. She realizes that there are people who do like her just the way she is--a novel experience for her.

Of course, this is a gradual evolution for Imogen, so it doesn't all change overnight. She still spends the bulk of her time with her old friend group, who often leave her alone, and her ever-present desire to be liked and loved draws her into a relationship with Ben, who uses her in the worst way.

When she begins to suspect that Ben cares less for her than he should, that perhaps he’s even using her to get at Nick and Charlie, she starts to pull away. She recognizes that her true wants and needs are speaking more loudly than the old desire to have a boyfriend or to be part of the more popular group. She’s listening to herself, finally.

She starts spending more time with Charlie’s friend group, with people who appreciate her sunshine personality, her quirks, her big smile, who listen to her problems and give her honest advice. People whose company she enjoys on a complex level.

Once she has people in her life who accept her the way she is, Imogen can finally begin to accept herself, see herself, and value herself. Which leads us to this truly phenomenal moment, Imogen’s catharsis, her break for freedom from not only Ben's manipulations and toxicity, but the suffocating pressure of being someone she's not.

This must have been simultaneously liberating and terrifying for Imogen, but now, when she has to be brave, she has true friends to bolster and support her. She's not alone anymore.

And then, then, we get Imogen's final layer peeled away, the moment when she looks deeply enough into her true self to see this:

Imogen's self-realization is so powerful and, I think, just beginning. We are ready for season 3 Imogen.

[punkscowardschampions]

Grace & Janis

Grace: You still on coffee with us? Grace: Cos we're going in like 20 Janis: Yeah cool Janis: you defs want me to come? I don't mind Grace: Why wouldn't we? Grace: Can't upstage me in this outfit, thanks Janis: Unless that's the royal we you're using Janis: no reason at all Janis: Lol, trust, I ain't bringing it, I'm throwing on yesterday's clothes as we speak Grace: Honey no Grace: whatever you're thinking with an outfit recycle don't Grace: and whatever else ??? Like Janis: That wasn't a don't Janis: #confirmed Janis: keep it on the dl, like my look Grace: Ugh Grace: There are some details I DO NOT need Janis: What you chatting? Janis: Talking 'bout you and mateo here, fool Grace: Now what are YOU chatting omg Grace: don't be so weird Janis: You fancy him Grace: No Janis: I can tell Janis: I'm not taking the piss Grace: You can't even Grace: shhh Janis: Whatever, he's nice Grace: Duh exactly Grace: when have I ever attracted or been attracted to nice boys Grace: please Janis: First time for everything Grace: OMG stop Grace: even if there was, this isn't it Grace: Long distance never works Janis: Can do, again, always a first Janis: anyway, you don't have to marry him Janis: I just know you like him Grace: ugh I hate you Grace: why do you have to know things? Grace: So unfair Janis: believe me, no one feels the burden more than i do, babe Janis: it's alright, call it a twin thing if you like Janis: you've not been embarrassingly blatant Janis: he's into it though Grace: Swear that I haven't Grace: I will die Janis: shit piss fuck Janis: you're good Grace: 😂 Janis: you going to make a move? Grace: I mean Grace: Obvs tempted but if he's not into it I'll have to move out so Janis: nah, he is Janis: anyway, like you said, if it ain't the one then he's gone soon anyway Janis: no drama Grace: True Grace: Blessed that my Spanish is up to this Janis: te amo te amo 😘 Grace: 🙄 Grace: So swag I can't even pull a Pablo and pretend I'm not fluent if I want him to go Grace: That poor girl it's well tragic Janis: I mean, you can Janis: bitch weren't fooled either Janis: esp when he's then chirpsing at her mate #cold Grace: Yeah Grace: Boy ain't loyal Grace: Should we have warned her? I feel bad lowkey Janis: Nah, she knew Janis: you only gotta look at him, the twat Grace: 😂 Grace: How do I make my own move it's so cringe Grace: I feel 12 omg Janis: 😂n'awwh Janis: nike that shit Grace: Boys 👏 come 👏 to 👏 me Grace: Idek how to even Janis: then take your chance to own this Janis: take control of the situation Grace: 👌 that's such a mood Grace: Not gonna make a Mia move cos eww no but I feel this vibe Janis: No need to go that hard Janis: like the grim reaper coming at you 💀 Grace: Again, where's the lie? Grace: 🙏 she didn't get a cute lad Grace: Like can you imagine the horrors Janis: between her and pablo, we won't be going back with 'em Janis: the lecture we'd all get for letting ourselves and the school down would be a ballache and a half Grace: Ugh exactly Grace: and if Mateo likes me you know I'm going, thank you very much Grace: Can't get any privacy in this house Janis: Yeah, and there's half of us gone now Grace: I swear to God if Dad cooks one more fusion dish Grace: We get it Grace: 🙄 Janis: 😂 only reason they allowed it Janis: if you don't bring deets of the local cuisine back he'll be fuming Grace: omg it's too real Grace: If he can handle being around this family I might be able to pull it off without wanting to die Grace: like you're still 😍 okay Janis: it is like trial by nutters Janis: got this far he's obviously about it Grace: Hopefully I can get him to go out with me so I don't have to do this with Mum and Dad lurking around like weirdos Grace: Trying to bring us snacks Janis: so sick of tapas Janis: i want a normal sized meal Grace: Don't tell the future boo but I'm not even a fan Grace: It's just not that special sorry Janis: you could take him to the chipper Janis: wholesome irish experience Grace: OMG Grace: that's a good idea forreal tho Janis: mhmm i know Janis: casual but also you'll have to 10 minutes wait to kill Grace: 👏 Grace: What do you want babes? I owe you for the amazing idea Grace: Sneak it past Dad #bondingexperience Janis: get us a kebab Janis: if i'm going in may as well go all the way, like Grace: TBH Grace: 👌 Grace: We'll see how good this boy is at tiptoeing about. Just in case Janis: plus you get 'cool girl' points for not being afraid of food Janis: suck it, buliMIA Grace: Never even though of that! Grace: Thanks hun Janis: 👌 Janis: give me the kebab and we're square Janis: if you want me to keep out the barn tho, that's extra Grace: What else do you want? Janis: not feeling anything on the menu so call it an IOU Grace: Yeah okay Janis: Don't be scared Janis: all my organs are in perfect working order, far as I'm aware 😜 Grace: 😂 Grace: Think on it and get back to me Grace: I have to construct a casual outfit masterpiece Janis: 👍🍀 Grace: 🤞💋