#I don;t feel like hiding the other layers you are just going to have to hash tag deal with it

[worrysomegus]

hey cguys looka t my new oc you can trust them

[holykillercake]

Emergency Light

ᴋᴏʙʏ x ᴍᴀʀɪɴᴇ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

word count: 2.6k

summary: 

Female reader developed a crush on Koby since he stood up against Akainu in Marineford. Someday at a party at the marine´s, you get drunk, too drunk. Koby takes you to your room before a disaster happens. You two get stuck in the elevator while everyone is busy partying.

highlight:  You wondered if they were training kamikaze marines now.

warning: 1. ¨Do not press random buttons.¨ - LAW, Trafalgar; 2. Trafalgar Law is not part of this story, but his wise words are worth of quotation. 

notes: *knock knock* Hi, guys! After a terrible writing block, I finally finished @pure-kirarin​´s lovely lovely request, which I used as summary since it was really good! I really hope you like it! <3 A little disclaimer! At some point, the ¨too drunk¨ part vanished from my brain, so our reader is just... drunk, hahaha. 

𝕃𝕖𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕤, 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕤, 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖!

¨Y/N-san!¨ 

You were wiping a sweat drop from your forehead when the pink-haired boy appeared beside you, offering an isotonic drink and a warm smile. 

You did your best to hide the tiny heart attack you had.

¨Koby-san!¨ you shouted, smiling awkwardly. ¨Oh... is it for me?¨

¨Of course! You have been working really hard these days.¨

¨Thanks.¨ you took the drink from his hands. The heat and condensation caused a layer of cold sweat to wrap the bottle. ¨I just don´t know why they are making us help prepare this party. They have a team for this, Koby-san! Besides, we´re Captains now.¨ you pouted the last bit. 

¨Yeah...¨ he scratched the back of his neck. ¨well, at least we get to spend some time together!¨

¨I know, I just-¨ you stopped talking as his words processed in your brain. 

You felt your blood vessels dilating on your cheeks, leaving a hot sensation on your face. 

Perhaps he was just being polite, or maybe you were making a big deal out of this, but you couldn´t help. You have been fond of him for a while now, and you couldn't stop that involuntary reaction of your body when he said such lovely things. 

Koby realized the words that came out of his mouth, and the scene that followed made even your spirit giggle. His eyes opened wide, and you could almost feel his throat running dry with all his stuttering.

 If that was a blushing competition, you would be down to the second place. 

¨W-We´ve been on separate missions for ten months, right? I m-mean... and it´s not dangerous or anything, and-¨ 

¨Yeah, you´re right, Koby-san.¨ a smitten smile blossomed on your lips, and you tried to hide it by sipping the refreshing drink. 

As stated by the boy, you had spent almost a year in different locations of the Grand Line, leading missions of your own. That was the kind of thing you had to do as promoted Captains.

You had no idea where Koby ended up going. These subjects could not be discussed over snail transponders, just for precaution. In fact, you barely spoke to him during this time. There were only a few nights when you would exchange coded messages. 

Since you became Captains, your tasks have kept you apart for much longer than before. You couldn't help but miss him and wonder how he must be doing during those times. 

You have already met thousands of Marines. Some even stronger and more agile than him, but no one had his willpower. You would put your hands on the fire for that. 

Whenever you felt unmotivated or helpless, the memory of the boy standing up against Sakazuki, putting his life on the line to honor his fallen comrades made your blood burn hotter. 

He did what no one else had the guts to do. 

Too blinded by the bloodshed, in the end, the number of casualties made it clear that accomplishing the task was no reason to celebrate.

When the sole of your shoes stained with blood and the blade of your sword sliced through anyone who didn´t wear the justice symbol on their back, you questioned if the Marines had finally lost their purpose. 

You should be civilized and do justice, but not at the expense of soldiers who had families to return to. If the target had already been eliminated, why were you still fighting? 

A chill ran down your spine when, for the first time, you looked up and faced the massacre. It was as if before, you could look at everything and, at the same time, see nothing. 

If Koby hadn´t stood up at that moment, you wouldn´t be here today. Maybe for leaving, maybe for dying. But his act of braveness and courage returned a bit of your hope. 

You wanted to see how far he could go, and hopefully, you would be by his side. 

Before, you used to watch him, along with his colleague Helmeppo, getting beat up and beat up by Garp and always put himself back on his feet. 

You wondered if they were training kamikaze marines now. 

From your room, you had a perfect view of the training circuit, so you could see the cycle repeating itself over and over again. Boys, seduced by the idea of absolute justice, strength, and power to fight bad guys, came to Marineford willing to prove their worth. They would fall a few times before the sparkle in their eyes started to fade. 

Eventually, they would fade too. 

Those boys, however, fell and fell, being punched to a pulp, then patched back together only to suffer on Garp´s hands again. Watching them became your late-night entertainment, and seeing their improvements and growth turned out to warm your heart. 

At some point, you were assigned to be their opponent, and from that moment on, your days became brighter. They would share the craziest stories and tell the funniest jokes. Or not so much tell jokes. They were naturally clumsy and fun. 

Although, if you could choose, you would prefer to spend more time with Koby. Nothing against Helmeppo, he was just too much sometimes. But apparently, they came in a two-for-one pack. 

                                                             ***

It has been only a few hours since the party started and you reached the jackpot. You had taken all your frustrations on alcohol and rice cakes, and it showed. 

Every ten seconds, the memory of what you wanted to do disappeared, and that was somehow hilarious, making you explode in laughter and cause commotions. So for every ten seconds during the first hours, one of the last remaining sober in the enclosure had tiny cardiac arrests. 

Everyone was drunk enough to have a good time without causing any trouble. But the detail worth mentioning was that your party had started a little earlier, under the statement that you needed a little incentive to help you through the night. 

It meant that your energetically loud phase was close to reaching its end, giving place for your sleepy and distracted persona. Your eyes felt heavier by the second, light dizziness fogging your brain, but it felt relaxing. 

¨You know Koby is a type of meat?¨ you said, resting your chin on the table and giggling to yourself.

¨Y/N-san, I-I don´t think that´s the name of it.¨ his face turned red as he shifted on the cushion, adjusting his posture. 

¨Ugh, you´re so nervous Koby, you should relax.¨ you sang the last syllable. ¨Look at Meppo, he´s relaxing.¨

Your lips bent in a goofy smile as you watched your comrades building an okaki tower on Helmeppo´s head. The blonde had passed out on the table a few minutes earlier, too exhausted and drunk. He looked so peaceful in his sleep that a yawn escaped your mouth, catching Koby´s attention. 

¨Y/N-san, you should go to bed already. Y-You look tired.¨ his voice trembled when he took sight of your sparkling but sleepy eyes, rosy face, and messy hair. 

¨Hmm, no... I´m still good.¨

Another yawn. 

¨Come, I can walk you to your room before you relax like Helmeppo.¨ 

Your brain was working in slow motion, so by the time you thought of answering him, your grip was already tight in his. A little tighter than necessary, but you were afraid your wobbly legs would cease, and honestly, he didn't object at all.

The air outside the salon made your nostrils hurt within every breath, not because it was freezing cold but because the alcohol made your body run hotter than usual. Your ears felt like they were clogged, but that was merely the tingling silence on the empty hall. 

When he guided you inside of the elevator and pressed the corresponding button to your floor, your gasp, which echoed through the narrow walls, made Koby jump back, scanning for any sign of danger. 

¨Oh my God, look at this, Koby!¨ 

He watched you walk closer to the panel, completely mesmerized. ¨Uh... what, Y/N-san?¨ 

¨Wow! They never did this before!¨ you shouted, falling on your knees and leaning in like a child on an ice cream shop showcase. 

The boy kept staring at you, who pressed the buttons in a row with shimmering eyes. What was in that saké?

¨They never did...?¨

¨Look!¨ you clicked some more. ¨When I press the buttons... they light up!¨

A moment of silence fell upon the two of you, and although Koby always felt comfortable in your presence, he wasn´t sure what to do now.  

You, on the other hand, didn´t seem to mind, too focused on your groundbreaking discovery. 

¨Y/N-san, they have always...¨

¨This is so cool!¨

¨Y/N-san... I don´t think you should...¨

¨What does this one do-¨

A loud shriek escaped your mouth when the shaking of the elevator took you off balance, making your butt meet the floor in a thump. The lights flashed a few times before everything in your sight was pitch black. 

You heard Koby call your name, asking if you were hurt, but all you could do was hold still, fearing for your life. The alcohol made the bouncing feel like a devastating earthquake. 

¨Y/N-san!¨ you felt light pats on your shoes. ¨Are you ok? I can´t see anything!¨ 

Koby crawled on the floor, using your foot as a way to locate you. 

¨Koby, stop moving.¨ you whispered, but he seemed not to hear, lost in his rumbles. ¨Koby, stop moving!. We´re going to fall.¨

¨Wh-no! Y/N-san, are you hurt?¨

¨No, I don´t think so.¨ you answered, head swirling and heart racing in your chest. 

¨Y/N-san, did you press the emergency button?¨ 

¨No!¨ you stopped for a second, failing to hold your drunken giggles for yourself. ¨But that´d be a great idea right now. I think I remember where it is!¨ 

You twisted your body towards the panel, ignoring Koby´s attempts to stop you, and started to touch the many buttons, searching for the emergency one. 

Click. 

Click. 

Click, click, click. 

¨It´s not worki-¨ you squealed when the elevator struck again, piercing sound of creaking metal cooling every disc in your spine.

¨Y/N-san, please stop pressing the buttons!¨ Koby cried. 

The feeling was too strange. You felt everything rocking slightly, no light was coming in, and the adrenaline made it difficult for you to calm down and adapt to the darkness. 

Your breathing had already become irregular and heavier when the emergency light turned on. It was dim and greenish but better than nothing. 

¨Oh, no.¨ he said.

¨No, no. Don´t say oh, no.¨ You shook your head. 

¨Y/N-san, that´s the emergency light.¨

¨Yeah, so...?¨

¨So the elevators are not a priority now.¨

¨And that´s bad...?¨

¨Well, yes, because the energy is being used somewhere else.¨

You stared at him for a few seconds. All of his words made total sense, and in a normal situation, you would be able to handle it without further complications. 

¨Koby, I don´t know if you´re getting somewhere...¨

¨Y/N-san, there was probably a problem with the generators, and they had to redirect the energy consumption.¨ you nodded, starting to connect some dots in your head. ¨I think they are sending everything to the kitchen beca-¨

¨Wait.¨ you said with a terrified expression painted all over your face. ¨We´re stuck?¨

He saw the panic grow in your eyes. 

¨Y-Yes. B-But it should be back soon, don´t worry. Someone will come.¨ 

You remained in silence for the first hour, mainly because you kept falling asleep.

Little by little, the effects of the alcohol on your body began to cease and your temperature to cool down. Added to that, the darker the night fell, the chillier it got. So at some point, you couldn´t sleep anymore because your bones wouldn´t stop shivering. 

Koby handed you his coat as soon as he took notice of your discomfort. 

¨No, you don´t have to-¨

¨Y/N-san, you´ll end up getting sick.¨ he spoke, leaning a bit forward so you could take the piece of clothing. 

¨Thanks.¨

A huge smile rose on your lips when the coat fell on your shoulders. It was incredibly warm and had his soothing laundry fresh smell. 

Maybe with a hint of meat from the party. 

It served you like a cape, so you pulled the collars closer to your body and curled up to retain the warmth. If you closed your eyes, you could almost feel like it was him. 

That granted you another nap. 

Still, after about twenty minutes, something woke you up. This time it was a sneeze from Koby, who leaned against the wall, hugging his legs close to his body. 

Guilt hit you right in the guts. 

You crawled towards him, gently poking his leg. 

¨Koby-san...¨

He raised his head and mumbled something you didn't understand. Maybe he asked if you were ok. 

¨I... I´m still a little cold... c-can I sit by your side?¨

¨Uh? Yes, of course.¨ he shifted on the same spot, only to return to the previous position. 

His voice was a little nasal and rasped, probably from the cold. You hoped he wouldn´t get a sore throat. 

The coat became a blanket that you used to cover both of your legs, although he made sure you had gotten the bottom end since it had more fabric.

¨Are you feeling better, Y/N-san?¨

¨I am, thank you.¨ you whispered.

¨Y-You can lay on my shoulder... if you want.¨

You smiled and did as he suggested, curling up closer to him. It took you very little to fall asleep once you rested your head on his shoulder. His body began to feel warmer, and he even asked if you wanted to hook your arm with his to maintain warmth. 

Using the last bit of boldness provided by the saké, you reached for his hand. You had this sensation, deep down, that the feelings you carried for him were reciprocated. But you could deal with this some other time. For now, you focused on calming down the fireworks inside of your chest. 

[EXTRA SCENE]

A roaring noise followed by a ray of light fished you out of whatever dreams you were having. You pulled the blanket up to cover your eyes and snuggled deeper into the warm body in front of you.

Nothing crossed his mind at that moment. All you wanted to do was get rid of the light and have a few more hours to sleep. However, a sound like a throat clearing caught your attention.

You blinked a few times, images of last night taking form in your memory. The last thing you remembered before blacking out was you leaning against Koby.

I must have slipped to the floor at some point. 

Your hands were wrapped in a turquoise fabric, and it didn't take long for you to realize that the fabric was wrapped around someone.

Koby's scarf.

Koby!

You ended up lying in front of each other, sharing his uniform. Your face a few centimeters from his chest.

After yawning a couple of times, you opened a distance to look at him. 

His face was wrinkled, brows furrowed, and lips turned into a pout. The round glasses were no longer on his head, and the bandana, like his hair, was frowzy. 

So adorable.

A louder throat clearing made you turn your head. The groggy smile on your lips disappeared instantly with the image of the elevator repairer, Garp, and dozens of other marines staring at the two of you.

[littlethie]

In Safe Hands - Draco Malfoy x reader

You and Draco are in a relationship. The two of you have a fight but still go to a party. Draco is still angry and reserved until someone drugs you and you seek out his help.

A/N: this was FUN! Thank you for a lovely request  ❤︎

Warnings: Angst, fluff, alcohol, drugs, swearing, puking, mentions of death/killing, fainting - this sounds like a horror movie, I swear it isn’t 

Requested: Yes / No ; By: starcross16

Words: 1,9k 

picture’s not mine

“Fine, then I´m not going!” you screamed at your boyfriend and dramatically sat down on the sofa, your voice echoing through the manor. The two of you had been fighting this whole day. You couldn´t even remember why, anymore.

It had started in the morning. You both had woken up a little annoyed, snapping at each other every now and then. You were visiting him at the Manor since his parents were away on a fancy Malfoy-style vacation. Everything had made you irritated and you hadn´t even been able to make breakfast in peace. Draco had been answering you unpleasantly and acting as if you were an obstacle in his way. This hurt your feelings, since you had been invited by him.

You didn´t fight much in the relationship. But today was different. You both could have dealt with the irritation. But when Blaise Zabini had invited you to join him and the others at a party happening at his place, Draco had said something about you not being able to handle liquor and something about you embarrassing him.

So you had been screaming and fighting. You had done your makeup and hair. You both wanted to go, perhaps, let off some steam. It was kind of funny, how you had fought but still got ready. You didn´t think you had a problem with liquor, and honestly, you both knew, somewhere deep under your layers of egos, that this whole situation was just an unfortunate outcome of bad sleep or a bad day. But you were also stubborn. And resigning was just too anticlimactic for the both of you.

“Don´t be such a fucking child, Y/N,” he scoffed at you, evidently now more irritated. “Perfect, now I´m a child. If you don´t want me to go, then just tell me. I may just fucking stay at the Manor and bore myself to death,” you rolled your eyes and put one leg over the other, while your head fell behind, leaning against the backrest.

He was fuming. You knew you both had to go. Everyone knew you were visiting him. “Don´t make me angrier. Get up.”

Oh, how you didn´t want to. Again, standing up would scrape your ego. But you did it anyway. Draco huffed and walked to the door with your unbothered body behind him. He grabbed you by your arm but didn´t look at you. Firmly and a tiny bit painfully. His brows were furrowed and mouth upside down in a scowl. He could never hide his discomfort.

You apparated in front of Zabini´s huge Manor. All you knew was that his mother was also somewhere on a vacation. You were a expecting a peaceful evening, maybe some other classmates. But when you arrived you could hear loud music coming from the inside. Draco let go of your arm and made his way inside. There was one thing you couldn´t deny, though. He looked extremely attractive in his tux.

You followed your snappish boyfriend inside and got immediately greeted by already drunk Blaise, Theo, Pansy, the smell of alcohol, bodies and perfumes. “Heeeeeey, the favourite couple has arriiiived!” he slurred.

“Merlin, Blaise, how many people do you have here?” Draco asked, totally perplexed, looking at the mass of people dancing and drinking. “I have no idea, man. Some people have invited people and they have invited more people,” he laughed and this was the first time Draco gifted you a look. A confused one. But he did. Others quickly rushed you into this huge saloon.

“Come on Y/N!” Pansy had a strong hold on your wrist while dragging you to the bar. “What are you drinking?!” she screamed through the music. You looked over at Draco, who was not far behind with Theo. “What are you drinking?” you asked him, the annoyance leaving your mind. “Don´t care about me,” he growled and your heart sunk. “I just asked…,” you explained but his face stayed stern. He walked through you, leaning slightly over the counter asking for a firewhisky. He usually asked for your drink too but tonight… not a chance. “Oh, trouble in paradise?” Theo smirked and Pansy hit his arm. “Stop being an asshole and leave… and take your drama queen with you,” she pointed at Draco with her head.

Theo squinted and mimicked her, but Draco swiftly turned him around by his shoulder. “You alright Y/N? What happened with you two?” she snooped a little and you just shook your head.  “It´s nothing. We had a bad day full of fighting. We both got up on the wrong side of the bed,” you sighed. “Oh, I´m sorry. A little drink and dancing will always help! We can start lightly. Hey!” she turned around to face the bartender. “Two gin-tonics please!” she yelled at him. The bartender looked at her then you. He blinked at you. You were petrified. “Did you see that?!” you came closer to Pansy. “Yea, I heard he´s a prick, don´t mind him,” you obeyed but this feeling in your gut just wouldn´t go away.

You looked behind you to see where your boyfriend had gone, and you spotted him sitting in a booth with the boys and some other classmates. You turned back the moment you heard the bartender. “This one´s for you…” he handed one drink to Pansy, “and this one is for this beauty I hope I can see later,” he handed you the other drink. “I´m sorry, I´m here with my boyfriend,” you gave him an uncertain smile. He raised his eyebrows and looked at you strangely. What the heck? “I said, don´t mind him! Let´s dance!” Pansy grabbed you again and dragged you right into the middle of the dancefloor.

You took a sip from your gin-tonic and let yourself go. You noticed Draco walking behind you towards the bar, probably for another firewhisky. “Hey…” you grabbed his arm lightly. He shot you an angry glance and wriggled out of your hold. “Can´t you leave me be for just a few fucking hours? This doesn´t help me calm down.” You were looking at him totally blown away. He continued in his way and you were now looking at Pansy, who was about to rip him to shreds. You stopped her. “Just leave it. Let´s dance!” you were trying your best not to cry. So you finished your drink as quickly as possible.

After a while your body started feeling weird. And so did your mind. It was only one gin-tonic. You said to yourself. Out of the blue, you could see not one, but two, three, four Pansies. You stumbled a little and Pansy quickly got a hold of you. “You didn´t eat anything before this, did you,” she laughed. You couldn´t answer. Your eyes were circling around the place. The lights were too light, music too loud and people too many. You wanted to tell her something was wrong, but your mouth felt like powder sugar and you put your fingers up to your face to feel it. She was dancing like crazy, turning away from you to dance with this cute tall boy.

Your steps seemed heavy as rocks. You felt like puking. Every time you made a step forward it was like your direction changed or the room turned around. Your sight was blurry and music made you flinch. It was even worse when different bodies hit you while dancing or walking. You tried to steady your mind, focusing on the platinum mop of hair. You were well aware of your situation and what was happing.

You thought it had been at least an hour. It had actually been five minutes. Your eyes landed on his tall body. He was standing, his back facing you. His hands were on the table supporting him. You were getting closer.

“Draco…,” you breathed out as soon as you reached him. He turned around with an extremely annoyed face. “Fuck, you´re already drunk?” he frowned, “you only had one drink, Y/N, this is what I was bloody talking about,” his friends were looking at you with raised eyebrows but you couldn´t care less. You felt the panic attack washing all over your body.

“I can´t. I... Draco, there´s something wrong with me,” that was all you had managed to let out before collapsing, Draco catching you just in time. His annoyed face turned into a worried one. “Y/N?! Hey! Baby! Come on!” he shook you gently, but your eyes kept going backwards. You had fainted. The boys didn´t wait a second and helped Draco take you out for some fresh air.

You had woken up by then and you steadied yourself, holding onto Draco and Blaise. They helped you sit down on a bench outside of his manor. You knew you had to get it out of your system. You put two fingers deep down into your throat and puked. Theo was quick to bring you some water. Boys let the two of you alone. You were sitting on the bench for a solid hour. Draco didn´t mind though. It helped him calm down, to gather his thoughts and to realize what an actual ass he had been this whole time.

Draco pulled you into him, kissing the top of your head. You closed your eyes, feeling a little better now. “What the fuck happened, Y/N?” he murmured into your hair, slowly rocking the both of you back and forth. “I think the bartender drugged me. I am not sure, though,” you answered him honestly, taking in his sweet and masculine scent. And just as you said that, Blaise stormed out.

“Guess what. The bloody bartender has been selling drugs in my own fucking manor. He shat his pants when he saw Y/N, so he confessed. The boys are taking care of him now.” He said and squeezed your shoulder softly as he left to deal with the sucker. You could see Draco´s urge to go and hex the guy, but you held him close to your body. This was more important and he knew it. “I´m so sorry, Y/N. If it weren´t for my stupid stubbornness, this wouldn´t have happened,” Draco cupped your face and placed a warm kiss on your lips. “I´m going to hurt him anyway, though. Who does he think he is?!” he growled and you placed your palm on his fiery cheek. “Hey, just let it be. Let the boys deal with him. Don´t get your hands dirty,” you smiled and shifted closer to him. “I want to kill him. This is all my fault,” he pressed a kiss onto your forehead.

“It´s not your fault, Draco. We are both stubborn. I was acting like a child today and I want to apologize. I am a little emotional at times and you are really the only one who can handle me,” your noses were touching, foreheads pressed against one another. He moved his nose gently along yours and kissed the tip. “I love you, Y/N. I promise I´ll take care of you. I promise I´ll keep you safe. I don´t know what I´d do if you were…,” he gulped, “you know, if you ended up in a worse condition, just because I am too proud to let things go.”

“Stop, Draco. I am here. Thanks to you. You know that I love you too.”

“I think it´s time to head back home. There´s no other place I´d rather see you than in my bed with my clothes on. What do you think?” he smiled beautifully.

“Let´s go,” you whispered and kissed him once more.

[bunsblr]

Allright, finally got around to writing another part of my tutorial. In this part I will go over how I paint shadows on the body and some other stuff. Let’s just get into it!

Open this in dashboard for best view of the screenshots.

Disclaimer: I have no formal training for any kind of graphics stuff, I work in an office as a receptionist - I serve coffee for a living. I am absolutely self taught and while I consider myself pretty comfortable with photoshop, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t about a gazillion of other things that can be done that I have no idea about. There are people far superior than me in the Sims community. This is just how I do it, with techniques I have picked up through the years. Some things I go over in these will be pretty basic, some things a little more unorthodox. Disclaimer 2: My edits take time. This is what I do to relax, one edit takes several hours for me. Sometimes days :))) Disclaimer 3: My photoshop is in Swedish, which is my first language. I tried my best to find the English translations for every step that I do.

Tools used: The Sims 4, Adobe Photoshop 2020, One by Wacom Pen Tablet (very basic and unfancy).

When we stopped the last time we had just painted some shadows on the face and chest area. Now I continue with all other parts that’s showing skin. The hand has some of that wrongly places highlight thing going on, so I use the pen tool to section the hand out.

On the Sim layer, I choose a color of the hand that suits my purpose and I go over the area I want to "correct". I also removed the shadow on the wrist because I wanted to add my own.

Going back to the shadow layer, I use my shadow color and go over the part of the hand that would be facing away from our imaginary light source, as well as the part just under the clothing line. Then I blend by going over with a low opacity eraser brush again.

Between and around the fingers I usually add some extra definition with a smaller soft brush, using the same shadow color. Any uneven parts gets blended with the smudge tool.

The other hand just needed some shadow.

She's got leeeegs… Anyone else old enough to remember ZZ Top? No? Just me? Ok. I section out one of the legs, yes, using pen tool again.

I "color correct" the highlighted part on the front of the leg that I feel is in the wrong place.

I add my shadows on the front of the legs and under the skirt. Then I reverse my selection by clicking the Marquee tool, and right clicking in my picture. The english option should be called "Inverse Selection" or something like that.

I paint my shadow on the other leg, building up a little more color closest to the other leg to add separation between the two. And now since my selection didn´t section off the leg from the dress we've got some bleeding because I can´t be bothered by being precise.

I deselect and use the eraser tool with a hard brush and 100% opacity and start erasing the shadow parts I don't want, I'm careful not to go over any skin parts on the leg and hand. So this is a perfectly good method to use if you don’t want to section off using the pen tool all the time. I switch between the two depending on the size of the area.

I blend the parts of the shadows that I feel are too harsh with a low opacity soft eraser brush.

The foot had a little of that mucky highlight thing going on as well, so I mark that part of (pen tool) and go to my Sim layer.

I go over with an eyedropped color, and go back to my Shadow layer to start adding shadow with my shadow color. I draw shadows along the shoe part and underneath the sole of the foot. This is just to add some dept. Since this was such a small area I opted to not section the skin parts off, I just painted over the whole damn thing and went back in with an eraser to remove any unwanted shadow from the shoe parts.

I make a new layer for my Clothing Shadow, and copies the Sim layer mask onto this one as well by holding Alt, grabbing the layer mask and dropping it onto my new layer.

I eyedrop a color from the darker part of her dress and choose a darker more saturated version of that color. Usually I go with black for the clothing shadow, but it depends on the original colors of the clothes. With bright colors like this dress I go for a darker version of that color.

I definitely did not do myself any favours when I decided to have the light come from the back of this sim. Straight from the front is always easiest but hey, challenges is how we grow. I use a big ass soft brush and go over the front of the dress.

Aaaaand the pen tool is back again. I section off the arm of the dress.

I chose a slightly smaller brush than before (still pretty big though) and go over the part of the arm that´s facing away from the light. Then I invert the selection and paint shadows on the body under the arm, I build up a little more color here.

I deselect and now we´ve got a pretty sharp line around the shoulder where there naturally would not be. I go in with the eraser brush (low opacity, soft brush) and blend it out. I also blend the shadow that was on the front of the body since it was to harsh.

Now I realized that the light would not hit the hip that directly since the lower part of the arm is in the way, so I section off a big of the hip.

Since I don't work with especially harsh shadows, and since the arm is not directly in touch with the hip, I draw sort of a cone shaped shadow here. Not letting the tip of the cone reach all the way to the edge of the back.

I clean up a little more using smudge and eraser tool. She´s starting to look pretty good eh?

Now I want to merge all my Sim layers, but since I suffer from anxiety and can´t committ fully I want to keep all the layers as well. So I mark the Sim layer group and duplicate it (ctrl+ J), and hide the original Sim layer group.

I select all the layers in my new Sim layer group and merge them by pressing ctrl + E.

Now they´re one layer, without any layer masks. For the purpose of this tutorial I rename this layer Sim (when merging the way I do the new layer will take the name of the top Layer). Now this is our new Sim base layer, the old one is hidden away and hopefully we don´t have to touch that again because that would mean I would have made a major mistake somewhere that I can´t correct on this new layer. It’s very unlikely, but it feels nice still having those other layers as backup.

Since Sims is a video game we have some parts that are pretty square in our picture even though they wouldn´t be in real life. Time to smooth things out.

I go to Filter -> Liquify. This is like the smudge tool on crack. There´s a lot of things that can be done in here but in this particular case I'm going pretty simple. I use the smudge and go over any pointy bits that are'nt supposed to be pointy. I change the brush sizes to fit the area I'm working on. Some places need smaller brushes, some benefit from bigger ones.

Here's a comparison before and after of some of the things I corrected in Liquify. It's not a huge difference but it does looks nicer.

And that concludes part 4 of this tutorial. Don’t hesitate to message me if you have any questions.

[secret-engima]

Tomorrow is looking up to be - absolutely terrible. Can I beg you for some RWBY or FFXV snippets, please?

Of course! I know it is the "tomorrow" you speak of but lemme see what I can dig up-

Team Gremlin:

There was silence for a long, long time. Nothing but Ruby’s sobbing and Yang’s pounding heart and the fear that pressed down on them from all around. Formless, but not nameless. Then she heard the stairs creak and for one moment Yang was sure that “Salem” was coming upstairs to get Ruby.

But then the door opened and Yang saw Dad’s boots, “Girls? It’s okay. Come on out.” Yang didn’t move, Ruby just sobbed a little louder and clung tighter to her. Dad sighed and bent down to peer at them, “You heard all that didn’t you.” He looked … not mad, but stressed. Maybe scared, and that made the fear worse for Yang. Yang clung to Ruby, her precious baby sister with silver eyes that no monster should be able to get to, and nodded. Dad’s face pinched, then he gave a smile that even she could tell was fake, “Come on out, girls. It’s okay. I promise. That was all just- that was adult talk okay? You don’t need to worry about that until you’re older-.”

“Ruby’s eyes,” Yang bit out, “R-ruby has Mom’s e-eyes.”

“It’s okay, Yang, Ruby, I promise. We’ll take care of it-.”

A creak of wood behind Dad and he frowned before straightening up and turning to face whoever was there, “I’ll be down in a minute, just let me-.”

“Taiyang,” Professor Ozpin sounded weirdly calm, more calm than Dad did, “may I speak to them?”

“…I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

A sigh, “I am well aware of your opinion on this matter, Taiyang, and I respect it. But they have already heard enough to be terrified. Telling them to forget it now is not only impossible but potentially worse than talking to them. You made your stance on this matter very clear, but that does not apply to your children if it will put them in danger.” Professor Ozpin’s voice softened, “Either I speak with them or Qrow does, but please. Let one of us help.”

Dad didn’t move for a long time, then his boots made for the door, “Fine. But don’t drag them into this more than you have to.” A deep breath, “Girls? I’m going downstairs to check on your mother, if you need anything, just shout, okay? Professor Ozpin is going to talk to you for a little bit. He’ll be very nice.” The last bit was said in the same voice he used when warning Zwei not to dig holes in the yard.

Dad’s boots disappeared and fancy black shoes came closer. There was a pause, then, “Would you prefer to stay under the bed?” Ruby whined and Yang glared without a word. She didn’t know what was going on, but Dad seemed mad at Professor Ozpin and everything was scary and so yes, she wanted to stay under the bed. The tip of his fancy cane tapped the floorboards a few times, then there was a hiss and a whirr of gears like from her parents’ gear and the tip disappeared. With a grunt, he knelt down and then lay down on his stomach like even Mom rarely did. He pillowed his chin on his crossed arms and it was so strange seeing a fancy, famous person lying on his belly on the floor of Ruby’s room that Yang snorted despite herself.

Professor Ozpin’s face crinkled into a faint smile and it looked real and warm, “Hello there. You must be Yang and Ruby. I am Professor Ozpin, I’m a friend of your uncle and your mother. Can I safely assume you heard the most important parts of that conversation? The Grimm and the silver eyes and,” the briefest hesitation, “Salem?”

Ruby finally pulled her face away from Yang’s shoulder to whimper, “I-is she gonna take Mom away and m-make her a Grimm? Is she gonna t-take me?”

“Ah. You have silver eyes,” Professor Ozpin murmured, then his face fell back into that faint, warm smile, “Your mother is alright now, and now that we know what is going on, we will be much more careful. I promise, I will do everything in my power to keep your mother and you safe. But to do that … I would like to tell you a story, and you must both promise me to never tell it to anyone. For the safety of you and your mother.” They nodded, hesitantly, even though Yang certainly didn’t want to hear anymore scary things today. But if it would help keep Ruby and Mom safe-.

Professor Ozpin’s smile faded, but his eyes were still warm, “Once upon a time,” he began, and they listened intently as the man with white hair slowly outlined a story that sounded right out of a fairy tail.

...

Always I Dreamed verse:

Summer had no idea what Professor Ozpin had been thinking, making her the leader of Team STRQ. Then again, the only other real option would have been Taiyang, and as much as she enjoyed his company and was coming to think of him as a good friend and teammate, he wouldn’t have been able to handle the Branwen twins.

Not that Summer was much better at handling the Branwen twins.

They hadn’t done anything to get the team in trouble, but she didn’t know how to deal with them. Taiyang made sense, even if he had a few oddly adorable hangups on things like “modesty” —they were two guys and two girls living in the same room, she didn’t really see what modesty had to do with anything when they weren’t out in public—. Taiyang understood her when she tried to … bond with the team, tried to get them to be more than just four strangers living under the same roof and tackling the same assignments in class. Raven and Qrow on the other hand…

Every time she suggested a group activity, they watched her like she was going to bite. Like they couldn’t fathom the point of learning more about or bonding with anyone outside themselves. Taiyang had suggested it was an out of kingdom thing, but Summer had lived outside the kingdoms until five years ago, and she had never acted like that. Her family hadn’t either. That feral behavior, wary distrust and eerie staring in the middle of the night like even the room wasn’t safe to sleep in without a watch wasn’t anything like what Summer and her family or neighbors had grown up with. The only ones who had acted even similar had been-.

Oh.

Now that’s an idea.

...

Blood of My Blood verse:

The next one was a whole month after Grandma Crepera had first appeared and only a week after the scary man with the mace, but three times was enough for Dionysus to be able to immediately tell what was happening when he blinked his way to awareness in a dream. He looked around uneasily, afraid of being yelled at by someone again, but … there was no one scary nearby. He was in a small little building inside a big, unfamiliar garden. The building was just a roof and little pillars holding it up and a stone floor to stand on with a little table inside and-.

A woman.

She was sitting at the table, working on something, but instead of it being paperwork like Grandpa or taking care of a sword like Uncle Cor, she was … spinning mud? She was making mud spin and pulling at it with her hands, changing its shape with her fingers, and Dionysus hadn’t realized he’d drifted into the gazebo to watch her in awe until she glanced up from her work and smiled at him. She went back to watching her mud, and when she spoke, her voice wasn’t echoing and scary, “Hello. Would you like to join me? I have enough for both of us to use if you like.”

Dionysus watched the spinning-spinning-spinning in awe, but shook his head and tucked his hands behind his back, “Iggy says I can’t play in the mud cause I’ll get dirty an’ it’s unb- unbe- bad for a prince.” He blinked up at her, “How come you’re playing in the mud? Iggy says old people don’ like mud.”

The spinning slowed to a stop as she stared at him and he wondered if she was going to get mad. But then she started laughing, an old, deep sound that felt nice, all the way to his bones, “This is not mud, Cheeky Prince, this is clay. People use it to make things like mugs and teapots and vases. Come, come sit and I will show you how.” She waved her muddy hand and set down a chair next to hers in a flash of magical rosy-blue sparks. So she was family, just like the last ones had been. Dionysus hadn’t known he had so much family before. Then again, he was pretty sure they were all dead, and that’s why they were talking to him in dreams rather than when he was awake —and a part of him wondered if that should scare him, but it didn’t, so as long as they didn’t act scary, he didn’t bother trying—.

Dionysus climbed onto the chair and watched her in curiosity. It still looked a lot like mud to him, but it was a different color from mud, so he supposed it could be something else. The woman was spinning her clay again, fingers deftly shaping and pinching and rubbing, “My name is Nyssia, though some once called me the Just.”

Dionysus thought of the Hall of Arts and all the pictures and statues in it, including some of Grandma Crepera, and wondered if she was one of the pictures in the Hall, “Just like Grandma Crepera?”

An amused twitch of her lips, “Yes, I am like Crepera. We are both related to you, but we are older than King Regis.”

He tilted his head, partially mesmerized by what she was doing with the spinning clay, but curious despite himself about other things. She was like Grandma Crepera and the others, but she hadn’t used a scary voice at all, “How come?”

She hummed without looking away from her work, “How come what, Cheeky Prince? I cannot read your mind.”

Dionysus pouted at her, because wasn’t it obvious what he was asking? But then he said, “You don’ have a scary voice like they do.”

Now she did glance up at him with a look like Grandpa had when he said something silly, “Oh, don’t I?” Dionysus jolted in his seat, startled, but not … scared. Her voice had echoed just now, deep and layered like when Grandma Crepera or Leon had spoken, but it didn’t make him feel like he needed to go hide. It reminded him oddly of the big, booming bells that hung from old church in his favorite movie, loud but mellow. He kind of liked it, but he was still glad when her voice went back to normal as she shrugged, “I merely thought you would not like it if I used that voice. So I did not.”

[whatdidimissjm]

not sure if you're still accepting requests but may i ask for “don’t move. i’m going to get your bath ready” jamilton with thomas' dumb ass moving anyway

I am always accepting requests! :) And I looooved writing this one! It took me like forever, but now it´s done and I hope you´ll like it!

Promp list

--

Felt the Shame Rise in Me

“Alex, I´m so dizzy.”, Thomas mumbles, as soon as his boyfriend enters the room.

He looks up at him with glassy eyes, a thin layer of sweat covering his fever-flushed face. Alex puts the bag with the groceries down on the table and walks over to him, gently cupping his face and brushing his hair back, so that it isn´t sticking to his forehead anymore. Thomas´ eyes flutter shut as he leans into the touch, letting out a soft sigh. The heat that´s radiating from Thomas´ skin is concerning and the fact that Thomas doesn´t even try to hide how bad he feels, worries Alex even more. A shudder passes through Thomas´ body and he lets out a soft whimper, trying to wrap the blanket tighter around himself.

“I´m so cold.”

“Would you like to take a bath?”, Alex asks, and he can see Thomas´ eyes lighting up.

“Yes, please.”

He tries to sit up, but Alex places a steadying hand on his chest, gently holding him down.

“Don´t move. I´m going to get your bath ready and then I´ll get you.”

Alex expects Thomas to protest, but instead he just nods, sinking back down onto the couch, his eyes fluttering shut. For a moment, Alex just watches him, before he presses a quick kiss to his forehead and stands up and walks over to the bathroom. He turns on the tap and waits a bit, before he adds one of the bath-bombs he knows Thomas likes. He watches the water change colour, his thoughts spinning around his worry for Thomas and he almost doesn´t hear the soft thud from outside the bathroom. Alex turns the water off and listens from a moment, but doesn´t hear anything. Just as he is about to turn the water on again, a pained moan sounds through the flat, that causes him to jump up and hurry toward the living room.

“Thomas?”

His voice is shaking, and he feels like his heart is going to leap out of his chest. Another quiet moan comes from behind the couch and Alex braces himself for what he is going to find. Thomas is half lying, half sitting between the couch and the coffee table, one hand grabbing at the couch, trying to pull himself up. His face is a pained grimace, and the hand that isn´t holding onto the couch is pressed again his forehead, where blood is running out between his fingers and down his hand and face. For a second, Alex can´t form one coherent though, because that can´t be happening. Thomas should be on the couch, safe and sound, and not bleeding all over the floor. Waking up from his stupor, Alex drops to the ground next to is boyfriend and pulls him into a sitting position.

“Thomas what the hell happened?”

There is a panicked edge to his voice, but Thomas doesn´t seem to notice. The fact that he doesn´t react to his question either, makes Alex´s worry just grow more, and he grabs Thomas´ hand, trying to pry it away to see how deep the cut is. Thomas struggles against him, a pained whimper escaping his lips.

“Let me get a look at it, please.”

Alex doesn´t know if the desperation in his voice gets through to Thomas, or if the other man is simply too weak to resist more, but he manages to pull the hand away. He can barely see the cut because of all the blood, but Alex has a feeling that this isn´t something that he can handle on his own at home. He allows Thomas to press his hands against the injury once more and jumps up. Thomas´ head snaps up immediately, his eyes widening in panic.

“Where´re you going?”, he asks, his words slurring together.

“I´m calling an ambulance.”

For a moment Alex thinks Thomas will protest, but then his shoulders slump and Alex lets out a shaky breath of relief. He doesn´t think he could have handled arguing with Thomas about whether he needs to go to the hospital or not, without having a panic attack. The call is mercifully short, and after that he doesn´t feel as out of control as before anymore. He unlocks the front door and goes to the bathroom to grab a towel and their first aid kit, before he returns to Thomas, who blinks up at him with tired eyes as he hears him approach.

“Help will be here in a few minutes.”, he informs him, gently switching out Thomas´ hands for the towel. He opens the first aid kit and takes out a bandage, carefully wrapping it around Thomas´ head, hoping that this will stop the bleeding. Once he is done, he leans back, regarding Thomas with a frown. “And now tell me, what were you thinking? I told you not to move!”

“I don´t know.”, Thomas mutters, his voice muffled and weak.

Alex lets out a sigh and sinks down next to him on the floor, carefully wrapping his arm around Thomas´ back. Thomas sags against him, letting out a shuddering breath and Alex holds him tighter, not intending to let go of him anytime soon.

“I´m sorry.”

Alex swallows a few times, before he is able to answer without letting Thomas know that he is almost crying.

“Yeah, well, that´s what you get for not listening to me.”

Thomas lets out something like a chuckle, weakly reaching for Alexander´s hand. Alex holds onto his hand, feeling the rapid heartbeat fluttering underneath his fingers, letting him know that Thomas is here and alive, even though there is blood everywhere. He pulls Thomas even closer, leaning his head against the side of his head, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down, because Thomas needs him right now and the worst thing would be to panic. A shudder passes through Thomas and he slumps even more against Alex.

“I´m cold and my head hurts.”, he mumbles, sounding like he is close to tears.

“The ambulance should be here any second.”, Alex promises.

He twists around to pull the blanket from the couch, gently wrapping it around Thomas´ shivering form, not caring that he will probably get blood on it. Just as Alex is about to call 911 again, because surely, they must have forgotten about them, there is a knock on the door and a moment later two EMTs are standing in their living room. The sight is so bizarre that Alex almost feels like laughing, weren´t it for Thomas still shivering in his arms.

“Good evening.”, one of them says, putting down her equipment bag in the couch and kneels down on the floor next to them. “I´m Nicole Breuers and that´s my partner Karl Davidson. What´s your name?”

“Thomas.”

“Thomas Jefferson.”, Alex provides, and Nicole nods and writes it down.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

Thomas shrugs, holding on even tighter to Alex´s hand. It´s the only sign of strength he shows, other than that his body is limp and feels like dead weight on top of Alex.

“I was dizzy, and I think I tried to get up and fell.”

“He has been running a fever those past days.”, Alex chimes in.

“Were you with him when he fell?”

Alex shakes his head, feeling shame and regret rising in him. Maybe if he hadn´t left him alone, this wouldn´t have happened and Thomas would be alright right now.

“No, I was in the bathroom.”, he answers, his voice tight.

Nicole nods again, typing something on her tablet, before he looks up again.

“Thomas, does anything else hurt, other than your head?”

Thomas shrugs, dropping his gaze.

“I- I don´t know.”

“Okay, that´s alright. Does your neck hurt? Or your hands or back?”

“I don´t think so. Maybe my neck a bit? I´m sorry.”

Alex´s heart breaks at how lost and scared his boyfriend sounds, but the woman gives Thomas a reassuring smile and Alex feels himself relaxing the tiniest bit. They know what they are doing. Thomas will be fine. Everything will be fine.

“That´s alright. Now please move your hands and legs a bit, so that I can cross that off my list as well.”

Thomas nods and does as he´s told. She asks him a few other questions that Alex tries to answer when Thomas seems lost and then after a few minutes she is finally finished.

“We are gonna put a brace around your neck, just in case you hurt it during your fall.”, Nicole explains. “It will stop you from moving your head around, so that you don´t injure yourself more.”

Alex feels his insides going cold at that. He hadn´t even thought about the possibility that Thomas could be hurt even worse. The shock must be showing on his face, because Nicole gives him a reassuring smile.

“It´s a standard procedure. It doesn´t look like his neck is hurt, but better be safe than sorry.”

Alex nods numbly, and reluctantly lets go of Thomas, when the two paramedics put the brace around Thomas´ neck. He watches them lift him onto the lowered stretcher and feels his knees give in at the realisation that Thomas is so badly hurt that they need to take him to the hospital. He stumbles back, glad to be able to sit down. He feels a bit lightheaded and for a second he buries his face in his hands, taking a few deep breaths.

“Can I come to the hospital with you?”

He hates how desperate his voice sounds, but there is nothing he can do. When the paramedics nod, he lets out a breath of relief and gets up, grabbing his phone, wallet, keys, and a jacket and follows them outside. His legs still feel a wobbly and he is glad when he gets to sit down again. On the way to the hospital, Alex doesn´t intend to take his eyes off of Thomas once, far too worried that there is some kind of injury that they have overlooked.

“Do you have someone to call?”, Nicole asks after some time. “You will have to wait outside while they treat him. Maybe you can get someone to wait with you.”

He tears his eyes away from Thomas, looking over at Nicole.

“Yeah, yeah.”, he takes a deep breath, giving the woman a small smile that he hopes is convincing. “I will call someone when we´re there.”

“That´s good.”

They arrive at the hospital a few minutes later and Alex gets told to stay in the waiting area, while they take Thomas away to get treated and that someone will get him as soon as he can see Thomas. After just standing there for a moment, not knowing what to do, he finally has the mental capacity to sit down in one of the chairs. He takes a few deep breaths, before he takes out his phone, remembering what the paramedic has told him. He is a bit shocked when he sees the red smudges of blood all over the screen and for a moment, he just stares at it, before he opens his contact list.

“Alex?”, James asks, when he answers the phone.

As soon as he hears his friend´s voice, he can´t keep himself from crying anymore, a soft sob escaping him.

“Oh my god, Alex what happened?”

“Thomas… he, I don´t know… he hit his head and there was so much blood. Everywhere. And now we´re in the hospital and they took him away and-”

He is rambling and doesn´t seem to be able to form a single coherent thought.

“Okay, hey, calm down. Where are you?”

“New York Community Hospital.”, Alex sniffles.

“Good. That´s good. Do you need me to come?”

Alex closes his eyes for a moment, taking a deep calming breath.

“No. I´ll be fine and there´s no use for the both of us to be here, just… just stay on the phone with me please.”

“Of course. Tell me what happened?”

“I… I don´t really know. Thomas is sick so I wanted to make him a bath and then I heard a weird noise and went looking for him and he was on the ground and bleeding and James I was so scared and… and what if I hadn´t heard him? What if-“

“Hey.”, James says softly, and Alex stops, holding his breath. “No what if´s. You found him and that´s all that´s important, alright? Are you sure you don´t want me to come? I can be there in like half an hour.”

Alex shakes his head, letting out the breath he was holding.

“No, I´m fine. Really. This helps.”, he hesitates a moment. “You help. Just… just keep talking to me, alright?”

And James does just that. Alex had always thought he is good with words, but the way James manages to talk him down is incredibly impressive, especially because Alex knows that James must be worried about Thomas as well.

Alex doesn´t know how much time passes, until someone asks for the family of Thomas Jefferson, but he is out of his seat in an instant. He promises James to text him as soon as he knows more and ends the call, walking over to the doctor.

“How is he?”, Alex asks impatiently, without waiting for the doctor to say anything first. “Can I see him?”

“Good evening. I´m Doctor Lewis and I have been Mister Jefferson´s attending doctor. I guess you are Mister Hamilton?”

“Yes, I´m his boyfriend. Is he alright?”

Alex doesn´t even try to appear patient, because if she isn´t going to tell him what´s going on soon, he might actually go insane.

“Yes. He will be fine. We gave him something for his fever and the pain, and the headwound needed nine stitches. He is showing signs of a mild concussion, but there are no other injuries, so he should be fine with a few days of rest.”

Alex lets out a relieved sigh, almost all of the anxiety falling off him. Thomas will be fine.

“Can I see him?”, he asks again, and the doctor nods.

“Of course. If you´d follow me.”

She starts walking down the hallway and Alex follows her, already dreading the answer to his next question. He doesn´t know what he will do, if she tells him that they have to keep Thomas for the night, doesn´t think that he could bear to go back to their flat alone.

“Is he okay to go home?”

Doctor Lewis turns around to him, giving him a reassuring smile.

“Yes, under the condition that he will not be alone and that you bring him back if his condition gets worse.”

Alex lets out a relieved breath and nods, thinking to himself that he probably won´t ever leave Thomas alone again.

“Yes, yes of course.”

They come to a stop in front of a door and Doctor Lewis gives him a smile.

“I will be back in a bit with the forms you have to fill out, but you can go in. He has been asking for you the whole time.”

Alex nods and thanks the doctor again, before he opens the door and slips in. Thomas turns his head at the noise of the door, giving his boyfriend a reluctant smile. There is a bandage around his head and Alex is glad to see that some of the colour has returned to his face, but the dark stains of blood on his shirt still make him pause. They are a far too real reminder of all that has happened today. When Alex doesn´t make a move to walk over to the bed, Thomas holds out a hand for him and after another moment of hesitation, he takes a few steps forward. He takes Thomas´ hand, the one without the IV in it, and allows him to pull him down so that he is sitting on the bed.

“Hey.”, Thomas whispers, his voice exhausted, but he doesn´t seem to be in pain anymore. Probably thanks to the painkillers.

“Hey.”, Alex echoes, and suddenly he feels like crying again.

He closes his eyes for a moment and takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. When he opens his eyes again, there is a small smile on his face.

“The doctor told me you kept asking for me.”

Alex had meant for it to sound mocking, but instead there is only fondness in his voice.

“I didn´t want you to be alone.”

At Thomas´ words Alex feels his throat tightening, but he doesn´t allow himself to give into his emotions.

“You are the one hurt, genius.”

Thomas is about to respond, when the door opens once more, and Doctor Lewis enters. She runs them through everything once more and has them sign Thomas´ release papers and then they are sitting in a taxi on their way home. Thomas is leaning heavily against Alex once more, but this time it´s reassuring, instead of concerning. He sends a quick text to James, letting him know that Thomas is alright and that they are on their way home.

As soon as they enter their flat, Alex spots the dark stains of blood in the living room and he feels a shudder running through his body. He quickly guides Thomas into the bedroom, deciding that he will deal with all of this tomorrow. After he has made sure that Thomas is sitting on the bed and not intending to get up, he turns to their wardrobe and takes out fresh pyjamas for both of them. Alex helps Thomas putting his on, even though he insists that he could do it alone too, before he quickly slips into his own.

“Let´s get you into bed.”

Thomas lets out a content sigh and allows Alex to guide him under the blanket and tuck him in. Alex pulls the curtains closed and turns off the light, before he joins him in bed. For a moment they just lay next to each other in silence, but then Thomas shifts around, so that he is looking at Alex.

“I´m sorry.”, he mumbles, a single tear running down his cheek.

Alex reaches out for him and gently brushes it away, before he leans in and presses a soft kiss to his lips.

“Next time you listen, when I tell you to do something.”

Thomas chuckles softly and nods, curling up in Alex´s arms.

“I will.”

Alex pulls Thomas closer and presses a kiss to his head, mumbling a soft “good night” into his hair. While Thomas falls asleep, Alex watches him, not yet ready to take his eyes off him.

[tlou2holland]

Joel x reader ( Pt 8 )

Summary: Dina and Ellie come over for a movie night

warnings: none, slight cursing 

You can read the previous parts here 

To say the following weeks have been stressful, is an understatement. You packed all your stuff, realizing its more than originally calculated. Joel pulled a muscle in his back while helping you and couldn’t move properly for at least a week. Dina and Ellie messed with your stuff and laughed at your secret stuffed animal collection that now wasn’t so secret anymore. Maria and Tommy came over for dinner as soon as Joels home became your home too, and you had to cook for someone else for the first time in your life. You burnt your finger and poured way too much salt onto the meat, making it almost uneatable. Nevertheless, you loved every minute of your new life. Not that everything drastically changed, but you found yourself getting used to sleeping next to someone that snores and almost crushes you in their sleep. You came to like the lazy mornings in bed, and late evenings on the porch. You don´t mind sharing your private space with someone else, and miss Joel terribly when he’s not around. You never thought you’d be able to say this, growing up in a literal apocalypse, but you settled down. Found a place to feel safe and comfortable and a person to call your home. Is this how people used to live before everything went to shit? You wonder. 

Tonight would be another night were you’d experience what a normal life used to be like. Ellie and Dina are coming over for a movie night, and you watch Joel as he excitedly prepares some snacks. It’s been months since Ellie actually talked to Joel more than she’s been forced to, but she slowly starts to come around again. You think it’s because of Dina, she has a positive impact on Ellie. Now that the two are officially together as well, life in Jackson almost seems cliché like. So much happiness feels too good to be true. “What got you smiling like that?“ Joel nudges you with your hip and you turn to look at him, dropping the knife in your hand. “Nothing in particular.“ You hand him a piece of the carrot you’ve been cutting and eat one yourself. “It´s the first time you’re hanging out with Dina, right?“ You ask, swinging your carrot in front of Joels face. He chuckles and eats the piece you gave him, sliding a bowl over to you. “Yeah, I mean she’s not my friend. A bit too young for that.“ Joel gives you a funny look and you scratch the carrots from your cutting board into the bowl. “It´s like a double date.“ You giggle and clean the knife with some water. “A weird double date, but still.“ Joel rolls his eyes at you and carries the snacks into the living room, his boots clinging against the hardwood floor. “Don´t remind me.“ He grumbles but you barely hear him. After you finish cleaning up, you join him in the living room and adjust some pictures on the shelves. Joel found an old polaroid a couple of weeks ago and it was still working, so you took pictures with your loved ones and framed them to decorate your home. The one with Ellie, Dina and Jesse you like the most. You are all sitting on the bench, Jesse´s arm around your shoulder while Dina gives Ellie and you bunny ears with her fingers. You smile into the camera and even Ellie laughs, showing off her white teeth. You have more pictures upstairs, private ones, and bite your lip as you think about them. Joel made you pose in your prettiest underwear, sprawled out on your bed, hands reaching towards the camera with a big grin on your face. You were embarrassed at first, but Joel loves the picture and keeps it with him at all times. He said it’s his little reminder of you for when he’s gone on patrol, and you couldn’t help it but laugh at that. You took pictures of him as well, tho. You like the one where he sits on the porch, guitar on his lap and a steaming mug next to him. He was so lost in his playing that he didn’t even realize you took a picture until he saw the bright flash. Another one was taken when you and Joel where cooking together. Tommy visited you two and secretly snapped the picture when Joel was hugging you from behind, a huge smile on both of your faces. “You´re not moving them around again, are you?“ Joels gruff voice pulls you out of your thoughts and you look at him confused. “Huh?“ Your hands fall next to your sides and Joel nods his head towards the frames. “You moved them around at least fife times. You still don’t like the way they look?“ He leans himself against the staircase railing, arms crossed. “Oh no, I was just looking at them.“ You step away from the shelves and push past him to go upstairs. “You should change as well.“ You say over your shoulder as you feel Joels eyes on you. “What´s wrong with what I’m wearing?“ He follows you and swats your bum, making you climb the steps faster. “Your shirt smells, old man.“ You jokingly pull a face and Joel grabs you from behind, trapping you in his arms. “Joel!“ You grab onto the railing and try to break free but Joel simply turns you around and holds your face against his chest. “mmh you smell that?“ He asks, chest vibrating with every word. You scream with laughter and wiggle in his grip, hair getting static from all the friction. “Eww you’re disgusting!“  You tickle his sides to make him let go of you, and dodge out of his arms when he goes to hold his sides. “I just wanted to give you some love, baby.“ He opens his arms for you but you quickly walk into your shared bedroom, shaking your head. “Nah-ah. You can give me love after you put a clean shirt on.“ You pull your own sweater over your head and change into a new one that still smells strongly of soap. “I´ll take you by your word.“ Joel picks your old sweater up from the floor and puts it into the bathtub along with his shirt. A small pile has collected and you groan when you think about having to wash it tomorrow. “Is this smelling alright for you?“ Joel throws his green shirt at you and you fist the material in your hands. “this will do.“ You walk up to him and rest your hands against his chest, briefly playing with the hairs there before leaning up on your toes and kissing him. “and now get ready, we don’t want Ellie and Dina walking in on that, do we?“ Your hand wanders down Joels stomach and he exhales at your touch. “Yes ma´am.“ He quickly pecks your lips and you walk down again, lazily playing with the strings of your hoodie. You look outside and see a thick layer of snow covering the ground, new flakes falling down at a rapid speed. Thinking about all the winters you had to spend outside without a proper roof under your head, you shiver and wrap your arms around yourself. “You don´t hear them knocking?“ Joel skips past you and you break out of your haze, following him to the door. Dina and Ellie come inside, stomping their shoes against the threshold to keep the snow outside. You quickly shut the door behind them to keep the cold air out, and take their jackets to hang them onto your wardrobe. “Next time you’re coming to one of us, outside its fucking cold.“ Dina shakes her arms and Ellie rubs her hands together, blowing into them. “Don´t worry, we have some blankets for you.“ You wave your hand and guide them to the living room, Joel following closely behind. You point to the couch and hold your hands in front of you. “Sit, I’ll get you something to drink.“ You gesture to the empty seats and are about to turn around when Joel kisses your temple. “Sit with them, I’ll get the drinks.“ Ellie awkwardly watches the interaction and loudly plumps down onto the cushions. Dina giggles and sits down next to her, quickly covering the both of them with a blanket and looking at you. “Thank you.“ You smile at Joel and take a seat at the other couch, feet moving to rest on the coffee table in front of you. “help yourselves.“ You gesture to the snacks and Dina sequels when she spots the cookies you made. “God it’s been ages since I last had cookies!“ She reaches into the bowl and gets two, handing one to Ellie. You laugh at your friends eagerness and take one yourself, liking how sweet they taste. “You still like hot cocoa?“ Joel returns from the kitchen and holds four steaming mugs in his hands, talking to Ellie. Her eyes widen and she takes one from Joel. “Shit Joel, where’d you get that?“ She sniffs at the liquid and watches Joel as he gives another mug to Dina and you. “Well, there’s this store on our new patrol route. They still had the powder. It’s long expired, but powder can’t get bad right?“ He takes a sip and curses slightly when he burns the tip of his tongue. You stifle a laugh and blow on it before drinking from your mug, licking your lips afterwards. “You know when I last had this?“ Ellie raises her mug and shakes her head. “It´s been years, I don’t care if its expired or not.“ Ellie shyly looks at Joel and he clears his throat. “I´m glad that you like it.“ Joel presses his lips together and you happily cuddle into his side, throwing a blanket over the two of you. “What movie are we watching?“ Dina rests her head against Ellies shoulder and Joel stares at Ellie and her blushed cheeks, so you elbow him. “Curtis and Viper 4.“ You push yourself away from Joel to grab the remote and turn the TV on. “Sounds old.“ Dina laughs and Ellie lowers her mug from her lips. “It´s Joels favorite.“ She looks at him and gives him a crooked smile. “I like it, too.“ She shrugs her shoulders and you feel Joel tense next to you, trying to hide a smile. “You have no other choice, given how many times I made you watch that.“ Joel wraps his arm around your shoulder and you gently pat his leg under the blanket, happy for him that he can talk to Ellie without it being tensed. “You read savage starlight, I’d say we’re quit.“ Ellie mumbles, quickly eating another cookie to end the conversation. Joel nods and takes the remote from your hands, starting the movie and holding you tight against his side. It feels weird to cuddle Joel in front of others, but on the other side it also feels normal, just a bit foreign. Dina can´t stop staring at you two, and you have to throw some carrots at her to stop her from eying you the whole time. Even Ellie casts a look at you two from time to time, but looks away every time Joels eyes meet hers. „I quite like this.“ You mumble against Joels chest as he starts playing with your hair. “Me too.“ He keeps his eyes directed to the screen and silently mouthes the lines from time to time, thinking you won’t notice. 

The movie goes on for what feels like forever, and when its over, Dina and Ellie are softly snoring on the sofa next to you. You nudge Joel and turn off the Tv, lazily stretching yourself. “Should we let them sleep?“ You whisper. Joel looks at Ellie and collects another blanket, standing up and softly laying it over her. You never heard him walk this quiet before and hold onto your chest, a smile evident on your face. “They had patrol this morning, let them rest.“ Joel grabs the mugs and winces when they bump into each other and make noise. Dina simply scratches her nose and mumbles something inaudible, leaning more against Ellie. You grab the bowls from the table and put the contents into a container to keep them fresh before walking up the stairs with Joel. “When was the last time you slept under the same roof with three women?“ You joke, stifling a yawn with your hand. “It´s the first time I will be sleeping while three women are under my roof.“ Joel teases back, and you look at him with wide eyes. “I´m joking baby.“ Joel laughs at your shocked impression and lays an arm around you. You quiet down his laughing by kissing him, tasting chocolate and cookies on his tongue. “You better be.“ You peel yourself away from him and get ready for bed, sighing heavily when your body connects with the mattress. Joel grunts and lays down next to you, bed squeaking under his weight. You lay on your side and open your arm, inviting Joel to snuggle closer. He rests his head on your pillow and hugs you close, your own arms wrapping around his neck. “Maybe they’ll come around more often.“ You mumble as you stroke Joels thick hair. He closes his eyes and draws small patterns on your back. “I ain´t complaining, house is big enough.“ His hot breath fans your chest and you scratch his neck, nails grazing over the skin. “You´re not going to ask them to move in as well, are you?“ You close your eyes and hear Joel chuckle beneath you. “Don´t worry, you won’t have to share me with anyone else.“ He pinches your side and you swat his hand away with a giggle. “Good, you don’t want to see me jealous.“ “Oh I think I’d might like that.“ Joel bites the exposed flesh of your collarbone and you gasp, hands moving to push him away. “Stop it.“ You give him a warning look but he can’t see your face in the dark, continuing to roam his hands over your body. A shiver erupts along your spine as his hands move under your shirt and towards your breasts, brushing over the sensitive flesh. “you really want me to stop?“ His breath hits your ear and he attacks your jaw with kisses, moving down to your sweet spot. “We have Ellie and Dina downstairs.“ You say weakly, hands stopping to push him away and resting on his shoulders instead. “You have to stay quiet, then.“ “Joel.“ Your voice is raspy and you finally find the self-control to grab his hands and keep them trapped in yours. “No funny business tonight.“ You say in a stern voice, although your smile says otherwise. “Fine.“ Joel sighs and pulls his hands out of your hold, dramatically turning around, his back facing you. “Oh come on.“ You giggle and snuggle closer, hugging him from behind. Joel reaches for your hand and pulls your arm under his, keeping your hand close to his chest. You lean your face against his strong shoulder and kiss his shirtless form, feeling how warm his skin is against your lips. “Good night, baby.“ He kisses your hand in return and you tangle your legs with his, warming your cold feet on his warm ones. “Good night.“  

 Your sleep doesn’t last long. A gentle kiss to your forehead wakes you up, and you open your eyes. Outside its still dark and the only lightning is coming from downstairs, together with hushed voices. “Tommy and I have to clean some infected areas, Maria wants us to do it before you guys go on patrol.“ Joels voice is still groggy from the lack of using it overnight, and you sit up, covers sliding to your hip. “You have to leave now?“ You ask tiredly, rubbing sleep from your eyes. Joel nods and you realize he’s already dressed, jacket and backpack laying by the end of the bed. “Be careful, okay?“ You cup his cheek and pull him down for a kiss, lips lazily moving against his. He pulls away and gets up to strip on his jacket. “Always.“ He pulls the covers back over your sleeping form and you watch him leave, before dozing off for some more minutes. Sleep won’t come back, you’re too worried for that. So you get up after some tossing and turning, and decide to start your day. Dina and Ellie have already left, probably awoken by Tommy or Joel. You eat breakfast in silence and clean a bit afterwards, washing the dreaded laundry and hanging it all around the house to dry. After you got ready yourself, you prepare your backpack and make your way over to the butcher where you’d meet Jesse. You’re assigned for patrol this late morning, and he’s your partner. You already see his slender form leaning against a wooden pole, chatting away with Marcus. You sigh and approach the two, boots sinking into the snow. “Morning guys.“ You awkwardly wave at them and dodge Marcus gaze. “You´re early for once.“ Jesse teases and salutes at you, while Marcus looks anywhere but to you. “Well, eh-“He scratches his neck and slowly backs away, fingers pointing over his shoulder. “I´ll get going, I´m needed somewhere else.“ He quickly bits goodbye to Jesse and stumbles down the few stairs, hurrying along the streets towards god knows where. Jesse looks at you and raises an eyebrow. “Did he ever apologize to you?“ Jesse asks. You nod and slip your gloves on, breath thick like a cloud in front of your face. “Once, but he couldn’t even look me in the eye. I don´t mind tho, I know it was an accident. It’s Joel he needs to apologize to.“ “Yeah that’s never going to happen.“ Jesse shakes his head and you chuckle, following him towards the gate. “I know, Joel won’t apologize for pushing him either. He´s one hell of a stubborn man.“ You kick some snow from your feet and Jesse shrugs his shoulders. “He´s not the only stubborn person here.“ Jesse gives you a look and you roll your eyes. “Oh cause you’re so much better.“ You laugh and shove Jesse further away from you, his chuckle ringing in your eyes. “I´m just saying, you’re almost as stubborn as Dina. And that means something.“ He points his finger at you and you ignore his comment, changing the topic. “Why did Maria sent Tommy and Joel on an early patrol? Isn´t it way more dangerous?“ You frown and Jesse rests his hands on his hips, stopping at the east gate. “There´s been a lot of infected sightings lately, Maria simply wants them to clear the path for us. They’re experienced and can take a look at how bad the situation really is. Don´t worry, they’ll be fine.“ He briefly looks at you as you guys wait for your horses. “You better be right, I don’t want to become a widow.“ You mumble gloomily. “Don´t you guys need to be married for that, first?“ Jesse jokes and you shoot him a glare. “Not funny.“ You gladly take the reins from the stables boy and greet your horse with a quick pet when they approach. Your legs feel stiff as you swing yourself on top and get seated into the saddle. Jesse does the same and gestures for the security people to open the gate. “We´ll be fine, the same goes for Tommy and Joel.“ With that his horse picks up speed and runs over the snowy fields, you following close behind. You cringe at the cold wind clapping against your face and pull the hood of your sweater over your head to keep your ears from freezing off. “You know where we’re going?“ You shout over the loud whistling of wind. “Yeah, just follow me!“ Jesse guides you through some abandoned villages and to the next lookout, hidden inside an old tower. You breathe out relieved, happy that no infected crossed your path so far. You bind your horses onto a pole and climb up the rusty ladder to get inside. “Here, look around for any infected while I write our names into the book.“ Jesse hands you field glasses and you position yourself in front of the big window, overlooking the small town. “I see nothing.“ You state as you scan the area, spotting nothing of danger or matter. “You checked the woods too?“ Jesse asks as he scribbles something into the book, probably that your lookout was still safe and nothing ordinary happened. “Yeah, no lights, no infected. Nothing.“ You lower the glasses and hand them to Jesse when he walks over to you. “Hmm, we should keep looking for a bit. Maria said a horde was spotted here some days ago.“ “A horde?“ You shiver at the thought of having dozens of infected roaming through the woods. “Yeah, they’re inside some buildings. We need to clean them on the next group patrol.“ “Jeeze.“ You cross your arms in front of your chest and step back, watching Jesse from behind. “Yeah, it’s going to be interesting for sure.“ Jesse stops looking around and puts the glasses back onto the old tray he got them from. “The weather is changing for the worst, let´s head back, Joel and Tommy should also be on their way. We can prepare everything for the next patrol and pick our team.“ Jesse slides the backpack onto his shoulders and you grab yours, blowing a last puff of hot air into your palms before following him. “I can´t wait.“ You say sarcastically, climbing back onto your horse and making your way back to Jackson. Today’s patrol was unspectacular and quick, and you are grateful for it. Next patrol will be hard enough… 

[deans-baby-momma]

Past Haunts- A Revisit

A/N: Let’s take a look inside the Winchester/Quentin household and see how everyone is getting along. Also look for the 2nd author’s note after this story. 

It's been six months today. Six months since my daughter and I were getting ready for work and school when a simple knock on the front door changed everything. Changed it all, for the better.

To be able to watch from the sidelines as Whitney got to finally know the man who was her father; to finally experience having a male figure in her life was indescribable. 

Those two were like two peas in a pod, though. Similar likes, the same dislikes, an identical warped sense of humor. Once Dean had gotten over- no, that isn't the right wording-since Dean had come to terms with Sam being locked in a cage in Hell, he had jumped right into being a parent, a daddy. And he was killing it!

I hadn't expected to find him in the kitchen every morning, cooking breakfast for us before sending us both off with a kiss and I definitely never dreamed of coming home to a clean house, mowed lawn and that pesky back porch light repaired but during the first whole week of loving with us,  Dean had picked up the slack. I was amazed and very grateful.

Dean and I have slept in the same bed every night since his return but have yet to put a label on what we are. Although, Whitney happily tells anyone and everyone that her parents are together, I'm just unsure. And yes, we've had sex but then again what woman in her right mind could look at him, cuddle up to him and NOT want to have sex with him?

He had gotten a job at a local garage after the first month of being 'home' and had quickly impressed the boss with his knowledge of older vehicles. It seemed as though the mechanics nowadays depended on the little computers installed in the newer models to alert them to whatever was wrong, so when older vehicles came across their rack, these young boys were stumped.

During the week after Thanksgiving, the city of Fairfax Indiana got its first snowfall. Everything looked so clean and fresh with the white blanket covering all the blemishes and eyesores around town. And that's the day we found out Dean Winchester doesn't like the cold.

"It's just-" Dean grumbled as he drank his coffee at the head of the table. "-so ridiculous. You have to wear extra layers, watch out for other idiots on the road. Watch where you step. And it's just so cold." He finishes his groaning with a full body shiver.

"Dad you sound like a whiny brat," Whitney banters as she eats her eggs and bacon. "It's wonderful! Everything looks so bright and shiny."

"I need sun and warmth, missy," Dean shoots back with a wink. He suddenly sits up straight and looks at me. "Babe, how many days of school until our little girl is on holiday?"

Whitney hmphs at being called a little girl, even though she knows Dean only does it to get a rise out of her. The smirk on his face tells me that is exactly the response he expected.

"Uh, nine. I think."

"Eight and a half," Whitney corrects me, standing up to take her plate to the sink. "And the half day is going to be mostly watching movies and not much else."

I look at Dean to see his mind whirling. I could tell he was trying to work something out in his head. I raise an eyebrow in question but only get a smile in response. I shake my head at his antics and stand up to go finish getting ready for work.

Christmas in Florida is distinctly opposite of Christmas in the North. For one, there is no snow for the lights to mirror. The lights are pretty but seem so dull without the reflection. And instead of coats and gloves and hats, people are in swimsuits and shorts, tank tops and flip-flops. A total 180 from what I'm used to in mid-December. I ponder the difference between the two as I lounge on the long beach chair beside Dean's as we watch Whitney frolic in the cool water.

Dean hasn't fully embraced the warmer temperatures as he is still in jeans and his usually two-shirt ensemble.  The only thing missing is the heavy work boots he usually dons; his feet are bare. The sunglasses on his face does little to hide the freckles that have made an appearance the darker his skin tans. I've laid in bed recently, counting the cute little misshapen dots. He is all smiles and happy. I love him so much!

When Dean had first suggested taking a trip down south for Christmas break I was astonished, Whitney was ecstatic. In her 13 year existence, this is the first full-fledged vacation we have ever taken so she was excited and enthusiastic about the chance to take a trip. And when she found out the destination, I didn't think she would survive the 17-hour trip without spending the whole time exploding with glee. Whitney and I spent my whole payday on a new wardrobe for the both of us, getting weird and bizarre looks from other shoppers as we tried to find t-shirts and shorts, bathing suits and sunscreen; during December in Indiana those items were few and far between. I also took a secret trip to the courthouse, getting the paperwork to officially make Whitney a Winchester. All it needs is information and signatures from both parents. I plan to surprise Dean with them Christmas morning.

So far, this vacation has been fantastic. We have spent time as a family doing little things, like walking along the beach at sunset searching for seashells, playing mini-golf, spending the day in our hotel room watching old movies and cartoons when the weather took a turn for the worse. It has been a dream come true, something I had never in a million years thought would ever happen. 

Spending time with him and our daughter in what I dubbed as the most magical place on Earth. So what if we're not at Disney World, to me this is the most fascinating time and place; a week spent with my daughter and her father, the love of my life. Life couldn't get any better than this.

I am shaken from my daydreams as I hear Dean growl and begin throwing fictitious daggers with his eyes in the direction of the pool. I turn my head to see a group of teenage boys all surrounding Whitney, who is all smiles at the attention. 

"Calm down honey," I cajole. "We knew this would eventually happen. We can't expect her to be a nun."

"Those boys are too old for her," he defends. "They see an innocent, young girl like her and there's only one thing on their mind." He goes to get up and I reach over to place my hand on his arm, stopping him.

"Give it a minute," I tell him. "I've taught Whitney to take care of herself."

As Dean and I sit there I keep our daughter in my peripheral, just in case one of us needs to step in. Suddenly, Whitney yells out "Jerk!" and slaps the boy who looks to be the protagonist of the crew. I smile as I watch her climb out of the pool and walk toward us. She sits at my feet and wraps her towel around her shoulders.

"You okay darlin'?" her dad asks, his eyes still trained on the gang of boys. They just don't know how many different ways Dean Winchester could murder them and make them all disappear.

"Y-yea," she answers but I can tell she's lying. "They just said some things that weren't nice."

Dean finally turned his eyes toward his daughter, the dangerous glint replaced by concern.  "Baby girl, I can go have a talk with them, if you-"

"No Dean!" she says, standing up. "I don't need my father taking up for me. I'm not a baby!" As Whitney storms out of the pool area, Dean looks at me, at a loss.

"What did I do?"

I stand up and wrap the sarong around my bikini-clad body. "Just let me go talk to her, okay?" I have an idea what is going on and I know having her dad there I'd never get Whitney to open up. I lean down and kiss him and head in the direction our daughter had stomped off.

In the room, Whitney has thrown herself across her bed and is crying into the pillow.

"Honey, what's wrong?" I ask gently because if my suspicions were true, anything could cause her to fly off the handle.

"I don't know," she whines. "I was feeling okay and then all of a sudden, it's like my energy zapped. So I was just floating in the pool, hoping the ache would go away and then those boys came up and started talking to me. And I liked it," she explains as she sits up on the bed. "But then Kyle said something about me being pure and innocent when I told them how old I was and I just lost it. And then I jumped down Dad's throat and he probably hates me now!" She begins crying again and I join her on the bed, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and she places her head on my shoulder.

 "Oh baby," I console. "I think it's becoming that time. You're getting ready to start your first period."

She jerks her head up and looks at me. "Really?"

"Yea, we need to go get you some pads and Midol. You're going to start bleeding anytime."

"God, did I just ruin our first vacation?"

"No!" I claim. "You didn't ruin vacation at all, baby. Now, let's get cleaned up and run down the street to the store."

"Moooom! I can't leave the room! What if it starts before we get back?" I chuckle at her wide-eyed expression.

"Okay, okay." I reach over and grab my phone texting Dean to come up to the room. I roll my eyes as I remember the discussion he and I had almost 2 years ago. Never in a million years did I think I would actually be asking this of him but I can't leave my baby.

The look on his face was comical as I whispered my request. He looked terrified and afflicted at the thought of having to buy feminine products. I take screenshots of exactly what he needs to buy and send him on his way, but not before he insists that I remember promising him he would never have to do this particular task.

The rest of the vacation goes off without a hitch. Whitney does begin her first period and requests to spend the rest of our time in Florida in the hotel room, only going out to eat. Dean and I trust her enough to leave her in the room while we go out, exploring not only the beach but the little town we are in. 

Christmas morning comes and Whitney wakes us up with squeals of delight at the massive amount of presents placed under the decorated fake palm tree in our room.

Dean and I sit on the sofa, drinking coffee and enjoying the look of awe on our daughter's face as she opens her presents. Once finished, she winks at her dad and goes to her bag where she pulls a box from inside. Handing it to him, Whitney steps back as Dean slides off to the floor, getting on one knee.

My hand slaps over my mouth as he clears his throat. I have no idea what he says because my inner voice is chanting 'Oh my god! This can't be happening!' Finally my ears take over and I hear him ask, "Becks, will you marry me?" I nod through the tears and watch as he slips the ring onto my finger. He climbs back onto the couch and wraps his arms around me, only moving one around Whitney when she dog-piles on top of us in excitement.

None of us know though, that when we return to Indiana  the past is going to come back to haunt us, in the form of Sam Winchester back from Hell.

A/N2: Another announcement! Another story! Remember how I promised a sequel to this story? A look into the years these two spent apart? Well I began it and then life happened (along with a stroke) so I just now am finishing it up. Look for Wounded Hearts to begin in March!!! I’m excited to share it with you. I will keep those of you that were on the PH taglist unless you tell me different. Love to you all. 

@vickiq9761 @81mysteriouslyme @travelingriversideblues-x @akshi8278 @keymology @hoboal87 @squirrelnotsam @spnbaby-67 @sandlee44 @natura1phenomenon @drakelover78 @lostinaseaoffictionalbliss @larajadeschmidt13 @tftumblin @blacktithe7 @lilulo-12 @adoptdontshoppets @cpag7 @markofdean79 @supraveng @deanwanddamons @mogaruke @death-unbecomes-you @vicariouslythruspn @atc74 @delightfullykrispypeach​ @sea040561​

[mshermia]

No. 13 - The Winter Air

Whumptober 2020 Prompt No. 13 - Breathe In, Breathe Out Delayed Drowning | Chemical Pneumonia | Oxygen Mask

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AO3 Link

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The months following what Peter referred to in his mind as the "almost-apocalypse" were supposed to be all joyful and merry. The world was saved. Not just their world, but the universe. Thanos was gone. Mr. Stark wasn't, not any more. Cheers all around, right?

Well, it wasn't that easy. Because things were apparently never just easy in the life of one Peter Parker. Turned out, there were still some assholes out there. Not the Thanos-kind. Not for now at least. The regular kind though and Peter for one saw absolutely no reason as to why anything should have changed in his responsibility to stop them from being assholes.

His aunt somehow disagreed more often than she didn't. Annoyingly now though, she managed to drag Mr. Stark to her side a lot more than she used to, too.

Peter shook his head at himself. Tony. T-O-N-Y. It wasn't that hard, was it? He still slipped up every so often. But as much as that bugged him, it was the others who bugged him even more. Colonel Rhodes and Hawkeye among them the most willing to tease Peter about it. Him, and Tony too, for his mentor never commented on it with more than a crooked smile. When it was just the two of them, that was often the only indication for Peter, that he had said it again.

It made the times when it really was just them so enjoyable. A new ease between them. They had never had this, this kind of bonding. Sure, they'd spent time together before everything had gone downhill on their little space adventure, in the lab or on a normal earth-bound mission. Not like this though, not like Peter staying over at the Stark residence for a few days at a time. Not like him sliding along-side Morgan on the ice on the lake, trying to catch Tony. Not like Morgan falling over and taking Tony right with her and the way Peter's stomach hurt from laughing so hard when Mr. Stark's sweet little Morguna drowsed him with two full hands of snow and he just hadn't seen it coming.

Tony wiggled and wound his neck trying to scrape the clumpy snow out of his collar before it could slide down his back.

"Oh, to be betrayed in such a cruel fashion." He pointed a clenched fist towards the sky, then a finger at Morgan, who was hiding behind Peter's leg. "And by you, Bambina, you... the apple of my eye... princess of my heart."

Peter snorted so hard, he almost doubled over. "I can't believe you pulled that off." He broke out in laughter again just at the sight of Tony cringing as the cold had slid under his clothes at last. A congratulatory high-five with Morgan for a fight well fought and deservedly won, it had a vibe of trust and love that Peter had never expected and that he would never want to give up.

The winter air was crisp and clear, the perfect day to be outside like this. So far out of the city, away from the rush and noise. Peaceful tranquility. Maybe he could get used to that. From time to time at least.

Peter was still busy marveling in the pleasant vibes of this winter day when suddenly there was a shift. His heart gave a jump and instinctively he reached behind himself for Morgan. It happened faster than Peter could call out to him. There was a deep hollow cracking sound and in the next moment, a split ran through the ice all the way to where Mr. Stark stood. Where he had been standing. For just as fast as that sound had murmured across the lake, had his mentor disappeared.

Peter stared at the spot for what felt like a minute but was likely less than a few seconds before his brain caught up to what had just happened. No evil monster, no inter-galactic warfare, no. The ice underneath Tony's feet had simply cracked and he had taken a dive into the water below.

Peter clapped a hand over his mouth so he wouldn't curse or worse, laugh out loud in front of Morgan. Instead, he turned to her, biting the insides of his own cheeks as not to crack up. "Hey Morg, go, run, and tell your mommy that your dad just took an ice bath and will need some hot tea in a minute." It was better to have her off the ice now anyway.

Not until Peter had turned away from Morgan and towards the hole in the ice where Mr. Stark had taken a chilly dive, did he realized something was missing. No curses about how fucking cold that lake was. No splashing from how the man had been supposed to be crawling back onto the ice layer right about now. In fact, minus Morgan's giggles from sliding towards the house and a few birds chirping, there were no sounds around them.

With belated shock, Peter realized that his mentor had not yet made it back to the surface at all. His whole body shook as his pulse went into overdrive. Quickly, Peter crouched down to the icy floor and pulled himself closer to the hole, his weight distributed across his whole body and giving less direct pressure onto the ice. He could only hope that he wouldn't follow the man underneath the icy surface.

The layer around the hole seemed sturdy enough and Peter reached into the water on instinct. It burned like a million small needles were simultaneously thrust into his skin. But beyond that, the cold almost paralyzed him. Unable to see much of anything, he felt around blindly underneath the surface, hoping to somehow just come across Mr. Stark. He had to be there. Had to be somewhere! Panic was overtaking reason with every second that his hands came up empty. He splashed as deeply into the water as he could while still holding himself on the ice. There was nothing, he didn't feel anything except cold.

In a split-second decision, Peter sat up straight. His arms were shaking so strongly, his fingers so stiff from the cold, he hardly managed to hold onto the zipper of his jacket.

"Fuck..." he whispered, rubbing his hands against each other to get back some amount of feeling, control. "Fuck, fuck, fucking work already!" His voice getting louder with every syllable. It felt like an eternity until he could finally pull his jacket off. His shirt was next, then he kicked off his shoes and his pants. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck fuck!"

He didn't think, didn't hesitate as he slid into the water for if he had, he might have never been strong enough to force himself to go in.

"Oh-oh god, fuck, shit, oh, holy—" The cold was a shock to his system, worse than he could have imagined. He wouldn't be able to function for long until his muscles would spasm and he might sink like a rock to the bottom at the lake. His heart gave a painful squeeze at the thought that that might be where Mr. Stark clothes had dragged him—

"Fuck, no," he spluttered. There was no time for that.

Mr. Stark was close. He could just tell, he couldn't be far off. Peter's hands groped their way through the water around him, when there was a commotion on the shore of the lake. "Peter! Oh... oh my god, Peter!"

He had a hard time keeping himself above the surface, couldn't even think to call out to her as she started to rush towards him, had already slid two steps onto the ice. He tried to wave her away but she wouldn't stop. One of his hands shot up from the water, anchoring itself on the edge of the ice. His limbs hurt like hell, but he tried to concentrate, attach himself to the slick surface.

It gave him some purchase, enough to keep his head above water. "G-get back!" His lungs were burning. "Don-don't c-come clo-oser!"

The last thing he needed was for Pepper to end up in the lake as well.

"Oh my god, Peter get out of there! Where... where's Tony?"

She hadn't even realized it seemed, why he was in the water in the first place. That her husband was somewhere underneath all that ice possibly not finding his way out, unable to break the hard layer above him, possibly unconscious already drifting further and further away.

"Ju-just st-t-tay back!"

It became apparent to him soon enough that his mentor was nowhere in reach, had maybe swum in the wrong direction to get out, maybe just floated off. There was only one option left and that was to go after him. Hoping, pleading with the universe that he would find him.

Without another glance in Pepper's direction, he pulled himself further into the water. As his head slipped under the surface, his body was more than willing to pull the off switch altogether. It took all the strength he had to focus on Mr. Stark, to hold onto that hope of finding him just so he wouldn't pass out from the shock of the cold water. His eyes were open but the water was murky. It was hard to see anything at all, especially with the ice filtering out most of the light. He trashed and turned and turned, careful to keep one hand glued to the edge of the hole, too much panic running through his veins to concentrate, to find him. He kicked his legs and broke out of the water, gasping.

"Peter!" Miss Pepper's voice was shrill, almost hysterical. It made all of this somewhat more real. Made his eyes burn with tears and frustration despite the ice-cold water.

It wasn't like he had a choice. What was he supposed to do? Not go back and look for his mentor? Once more Peter dove into the freezing water hardly able to feel his limbs at all. He went a little further this time, only his fingertips still keeping a connection to the only way out of this icy hell.

 His lungs burned, desperately wanting to pull in a breath and that was when it happened. Peter was just reaching into the void and there was someone else, reaching back. Another hand grabbing at his arm and Peter pulled as hard as his spasming muscles allowed him to. He pulled them both back towards the surface, gasping for air as his head broke out of the water. Mr. Stark popped up right next to him coughing hard, his gasps almost sounding painful.

Peter couldn't feel his arms or legs, couldn't even feel the freezing temperature of the icy layer as he tried to climb out of the water. At this point, he wasn't even sure if his legs were still working. It almost seemed like a cruel joke when after all their struggling, the Iron Man armor swooshed in, now hovering above them, arms reaching for them to not just pull them out of the lake but fly them right onto the porch of the house. It took him a moment - maybe he was too preoccupied with trying to catch his breath - but then he realized what had happened. It wasn't even Mr. Stark's armor that had come to save them. Not red and gold, but gold and blue. Rescue.

Just as he wrapped his arms around himself, Pepper had her armor open up and she rushed forward, kneeling next to them. Right away, her hands reached for Mr. Stark. Bend over him, she pulled his wet jacket from his body.

"Peter?" Her voice was heavy, full of tears. "Peter, you're okay. It'll... it'll be okay!"

He didn't even feel that cold anymore, just stiff and tired, his muscles only shivering slightly as he sat there in nothing but his socks and boxers trying to wrap his mind around what had just happened. That was probably not a good sign, but the least of his problems. He crawled over to Mr. Stark, determined to help Pepper while the man's whole body was shaking from deep, raspy coughs.

"It's okay, honey. Let's just get you out of these clothes." She sounded forcefully calm, desperate to at least fake some sense of control of the whole situation.

"P-Pep..." Mr. Stark's voice didn't even sound like him, raspy and shaking.

"Shh, I'm right here. Honey, it'll be just fine, okay?"

"Th-the kid... th-the kid..."

Pepper had a hard time trying to work her husband's arms out of the wet sweater. "Morgan is fine. It's ok. We'll get all this off you and then you just need to warm up, okay?"

"N-no! P-P-Pete... Pe-Pete!"

"R-right here, Mr. St-tark."

The man's eyes shifted to his face, his chest deflating only to be rattled by another coughing fit. He looked awful, his face ashen, eyes hooded and dull. Seeing him like this hurt worse than the cold had. A lot worse.

Pepper tried to soothing her husband before she pressed forward with getting him out of the cold wet pants. "Peter, go inside!"

"'M fine." He was trying to undo the frozen laces on Mr. Stark heavy boots but while his hands weren't shaking any longer, his fingers were still too stiff to be of any use.

"You're not fine, you might have—"

The patio door blew open and Morgan rushed out to them, tear streaming down her face as she sank to her knees, hugging herself against Mr. Stark's chest as best as she could while he was still struggling through heavy coughs.

"Morgan, honey, go inside! Peter, please..." Pepper reached for Mr. Stark's other shoe though, not pushing Peter away. "Morgan, get me some scissors from the kitchen drawer."

"It... it's okay." Peter had abandoned his efforts to unknot them and simply ripped the laces off. He didn't stop there. It was almost cathartic as he felt the fabric of the man's pants rip.

Pepper froze for a moment, her eyes wide. "Al-alright." She cleared her throat, eyes still in Peter. "That's... erm. Right." She shook her head and turned towards her husband, one hand on his chest. "Let's get you inside, honey."

### 

Part II

[seijuurouxryuu]

[Sweet] bloody possessive

Title: bloody possessive

Author: Shiro (TeitoxAkashi [AO3/Twitter]/ seijuurouxryuu [tumblr])

Rating: T

Pairing: Reborn/ Ricardo | Vongola Secondo

Event: #khrvday2021 @khrrarepairweek

Prompts: Inevitable | Secret

Tags/Warnings: No Archive Warning

Day 1: February 14

For Ricardo to fall in love with Reborn was an inevitable thing. It wasn’t expected, of course. Both although were from the same circle, they had little to no affiliation other than one contracting the other and the other killing for the one. In fact, they don’t even have much contact with each other during the few times Vongola decided to seek out the freelance hitman where Ricardo had to brief him the specifics.

So, it wasn’t expected, but when everyone noticed that their Don’s cousin-slash-heir had fallen for Reborn, it wasn’t surprising.

AO3 

For Ricardo to fall in love with Reborn was an inevitable thing. It wasn’t expected, of course. Both although were from the same circle, they had little to no affiliation other than one contracting the other and the other killing for the one. In fact, they don’t even have much contact with each other during the few times Vongola decided to seek out the freelance hitman where Ricardo had to brief him the specifics.

So, it wasn’t expected, but when everyone noticed that their Don’s cousin-slash-heir had fallen for Reborn, it wasn’t surprising. (However, it was an unspoken rule to not mention of it even if both parties knew about it because that would mean severe punishments, if not death.)

“No.” Ricardo tossed it out the moment Reborn walked into his office, not even lifting his head from the paperwork he was tackling. Reborn didn’t even bother to raise an eyebrow at that as he kicked the door close with his heel. He smirked and sauntered over to the desk. “I haven’t even said anything yet.”

“I know you wanted to borrow the car. No.”

“It’s just a car, Ricky.” He countered, moving over to Ricardo’s side and sat on the edge. Ricardo finally looked up and gave Reborn a stink eye. Both of them knew that they weren’t just talking about any car, but the car Reborn decided to gift him out of nowhere. Ricardo never said anything about it after giving his gratitude, but everyone could tell that he treasured it very well. He had only driven it a handful of times and each time was when he was sure he wouldn’t be ambushed out of nowhere. On top of that, he had never borrowed anyone the car, much less would he borrow it to Reborn even if he gave it to him. Reborn was a well-known destroyer of any and every thing you could think of.

The worst part is, Reborn was very well capable of keeping something intact but he did shits for shits and giggles.

Reborn smirked. “I will bring it back in one piece, I promise.”

“Your one piece probably means scrap metals in the shape of a car instead.”

“Oh come one, Ricky. Trust me.” Ricardo hated that nickname. He hated it so much that he had to do everything he could to not blush. He decided to turn back to his paperwork and ignore the hitman whose but was beside his arm.

Seeing the other paying him no attention, Reborn switched his tactics. “How about you drive me around instead?”

Ricardo looked back at him, frowning. “Why can’t you just borrow Giotto’s car?”

“His car is too uncomfortable.”

“You can borrow others.”

“But I want yours, Ricardo.” Reborn leaned in closer, purring the other’s name in a deep, low voice. Ricardo had to physically stop himself from shuddering and immediately giving in. Reborn saw the he was crumbling and immediately pushed on. “Please?”

Ricardo scowled.

He sighed.

“Is it dangerous for the car?”

Reborn grinned victoriously.

.

Ricardo sighed for the nth time as he switched the gears, frowning as Reborn sat on the passenger side of the car, giving him direction while eating a cup of ice cream. (He and Reborn argued about food in the car and the consensus was no cones.)

“Where exactly are we going?”

Reborn hummed with the scoop in his mouth, his voice muffled when he answered, “Somewhere secret.”

“If it’s a secret you should’ve just go alone.”

“Well, you wouldn’t lend me your car,” Reborn snide, eyes rolling. He pulled out the scoop from his mouth and finish off the rest of the chocolate ice cream. “And it’s a secret that I want to share with you.”

Carrot and stick, honestly.

Ricardo focused on the road and feigned ignorant to the growing heat on his ears at how much he liked the second sentence. The sweetness he felt only lasted for a few seconds before he started scowling again, grumbling. “Then you should have chosen a better route to your secret place.” He winced when they passed through a pothole, silently screaming when he imagined the amount of mud and dust that would have stuck onto the wheels.

His heart hurt.

Reborn laughed. “Sweetie, this is the only route.”

“Sounds ominous.”

“Oh, I hope it does.”

After a few more turns and drives into an even more rural area, which Ricardo didn’t even know it exist, they finally stopped beside a large oak tree. It was a dead end for the car, much to Ricardo’s dismay. “So, are we there yet?”

Reborn tossed the empty ice cream cup into a plastic bag and placed it onto the chair. No littering. No. He got out of the car and stretched, urging the other to come out from behind the wheels. “No, of course not. We still have to walk a distance.” He grunted and sighed, the air so much fresher than the town that stank of human. He pulled off his suit jacket and tossed it back into the car, leaving only the black turtleneck he was wearing underneath.

Ricardo was reluctant to leave his car alone in a place like this. If the place Reborn wanted to go was still far away, then he might not be able to rush back in time if anything happened to it. He regretted not taking his other cars instead.

Reborn rolled his eyes again at the reluctance and reached out to pull the taller man along as he led them down a small, unseen path deeper into the woods. “It won’t die, trust me.”

“You’ve a track record, Reborn.” Ricardo grumbled but followed without anymore protest. In actual fact, it was because he was distracted by Reborn’s hand gripping his that he said nothing more.

Soon, they reached a clearing. It wasn’t that far away, actually, much to Ricardo’s relief, but it was secluded enough that he knew no one except the ones who knows its existence would come. The woods weren’t a safe place after all. (He swore he could hear wolves’ howls.)

To say it was a clearing wasn’t exactly accurate either. It was more of a small hill surrounded by large trees that seemingly engulfed it inside a circle, leaving a dome-like opening to the sky on top of a wooden villa.

It wasn’t big, the villa, but it wasn’t small either. It was just the right size, and it was beautiful.

Ricardo blinked in surprise, legs stopping for a moment before moving again when Reborn tugged him forward again. “It’s yours?”

“Of course. It’s my secret hide out.” Reborn sounded like a kid showing their friends something kids shouldn’t have. But then again, Reborn was somewhat childish despite his feral, unstoppable and murderous self. Ricardo could still remember the times Reborn tortured him with his onesies when the other barged into Vongola mansion for a ‘sleep over’. (Honestly, why had no one pointed out that Reborn was trespassing, especially during the times they didn’t even contact and contracted him for kills?)

The villa was very well maintained. Despite made of wood, it was sturdy enough and did not have any sign of erosion from weather and insects. Walking up a few short steps and into the villa, it was only then that Ricardo could tell that it wasn’t lived-in. Everything was clean and tidy, cosy even, but he could tell that the villa was left as it is for a long time.

“This…” He begun but didn’t know where or what to continue with. Reborn shrugged and pulled him in, closing the door behind him. “My home.” He said with a smile, nostalgia fleeting through his eyes. “My parents were refugees and they were always on the run until the settled down here and have me. Its quiet, but it’s safe.”

Ricardo looked solemn, to which Reborn had to slap him on his arm to bring him out of it. “Stop that look. We were all happy here. I don’t feel bitter or anything.”

“That’s not what I…” Ricardo shook his head. “You trust me?” Anything else was left unsaid. He wasn’t pitying Reborn and his parents, because they deserve more than pity. They deserve respect and honour for their bravery. It definitely wasn’t easy to live away from civilisation.

Rather, he knew the moment he stepped into the house that Reborn was showing him something more… Private. Intimate.

Reborn raised an eyebrow. “If I didn’t, would I even bother annoying you?”

That’s true, Ricardo thought. He wasn’t the only person who liked Reborn. In fact, the amount of people who liked Reborn, or at least wanted to bed him, could circle the Vongola mansion twice. And Reborn was a well renowned lover too as rumours had said. Ricardo was relieved that the other always did things without any strings attached. That was what he, too, was afraid of, however.

He was afraid that their relationship will end one day if it progressed beyond their ambiguous ‘friendship’. Thus, he remained quiet about it despite knowing that Reborn knew he liked him.

He was, after all, pretty possessive of what’s his. He wouldn’t let go once he had it.

He stood by the doorway with Reborn standing further in, both facing each other with an armlength apart.

He refused to walk in, refused to cross the threshold.

“You know I don’t want something temporary.”

Reborn didn’t scoff or laugh at him, merely look at him in the eyes with an unreadable expression. He watched Ricardo, looked and took in how he looked, his expression, his body language, his everything. Ricardo vaguely felt like he was being stripped apart one layer by one layer. He stood firm, hands clenched into fists at his sides.

“I know you know.”

Reborn’s eyes softened a degree.

“I know.” He said. “And neither do I.”

Ricardo’s eyes widened. His eyebrows furrowed and pressed on. “I will never let you go even if you wanted death.”

At that, Reborn raised an eyebrow and challenged him, lips tugged up. “And it seems like you’ve forgotten that I am more possessive than you are.”

That was all Ricardo needed. He stepped into the house, crossing the line, and reached out for Reborn. One hand grabbed Reborn’s neck while the other circled his waist, tugging him closer to him. Reborn tilted his head up as their mouth opened, clashing together in what couldn’t be said as painless. He, at the same time, grabbed Ricardo’s necktie and carded his fingers through the lock of spiky black, tugging harshly.

They were the same—hungry, feral, thirsting. They desired for each other’s core, and they opened bare their doors to it—Reborn with his neck bare and exposed, Ricardo with his chest. They showed their reverse scales to each other.

Pulling away slightly, saliva-soaked lips hovered a few millimetres away, Reborn laughed breathlessly into the taller man’s mouth. “Ricky, you’re so eager.” He teased, hips grinding.

Ricardo grunted. “Shut up.” He tugged Reborn back into another heated and painful kiss, tracing the fond smile on the pair of blood tasting lips.

.

“Fuck, my car—” “I’ll get a new one for you so shut up.”

----------------------------------------

A/N: I wrote this on February 15 whoopsssss but yeaAHHH REBORNxRICARDO!!!! CAN ANYONE ELSE PLEASE FEED ME THIS RAREPAIR IM SO HUNGRY!!!!!

Had half the mind to write spicy but I ended up not

Happy (belated) Valentines!! Hope you guys like this!!

[I apologize for any grammar, spelling, etc. etc. mistakes]

[docmanda]

14 for some xie lian angst? Pretty please? Bonus points for him being trans

@zlodziej-wlasnej-tozsamosci there we go, I wrote a thing :-) it´s long and tumblr´s layout sucks so have a cut and I will post the link for the fic on AO3 too

Plain Brown Rice

Xie Lian should have known that a hydrangea bush would not be enough to conceal him from Hua Cheng for too long, his husband having developed a sixth sense for finding him by now if he even let him out of his sight at all. It was a testament of his bad luck making a reappearence that he had gotten separated from both of his husbands at the same time but this wedding was a big one after all, hundreds of fox spirits milling around the royal gardens of their Queen in a flurry of silks and fluffy tails, celebrating her Highness´beloved granddaughter´s wedding. And of course Hua Cheng would know immediately that he had been crying too, his happy smile at finding him after they had been seperated by the crowd instantly turning into a frown of worry. "Xie Lian..." Hua Cheng´s cold fingers are soft against his face, wiping away the moisture underneath his eye with the utmost care before kissing his cheek, "my love what happened? Why are you crying?" "Ah it´s nothing...", Hua Cheng´s gaze instantly turns hard and hurt, something that made Xie Lian cry never ´nothing´in his book after all and Xie Lian ducks his head slightly, feeling silly all over. "It really is nothing San Lang...I just, came here to be out of the crowd for a moment and overheard some people talking about us and I..." Xie Lian sighs heavily, closing his eyes as he tries to recount what happened for Hua Cheng. They had gotten seperated in the crowd and he had come here to the edge of the gardens in the hope of catching sight of one of his husbands from the outskirts of the wedding party, standing half hidden behind a luscious hydrangea bush, enjoying the scent of the blooming flowers when someone had started speaking on the other side of it. They clearly hadn´t seen him and Xie Lian was about to come out of his accidential hiding place when he heard his name being mentioned and froze. "That so called Dianxia, what´s his name? Xie something? Xie Lian? How boring...you really have to wonder how someone that useless and plain can manage to catch not one, but two supreme Ghost Kings at once. I mean that Kingdom of his has been gone for centuries now right, leaving nothing but rubble. If he wasn´t the one that chanced upon my sweet little niece and freed her from that trap years ago someone like him would never have been invited to her royal wedding like this, having such terrible ancestry. And they call him the scrap collecting God, whatever that is supposed to be...no proper title to his name, no estate, no power to speak of and on top of that he is as plain as rice, boring and bland." There is a giggle, high pitched and cruel. "No, like day old brown rice, boring and bland and ordinary, just good enough for peasants to eat. And surely nothing even close to good enough for the likes of Black Water and Crimson Rain. I mean that Chengzhu always had weird tastes, have you ever been to that town of his? Shameless I tell you. But you would expect more refinement out of someone like Lord Blackwater, he is a scholar after all with a proper education..and I sure as hell wouldn´t mind -him- waiting in my chambers at night I can tell you that." There´s more voices then hers, giggling slightly and suggesting even more unflattering monikers for Xie Lian, making the first one laugh again. The group had moved a little during their tirade and Xie Lian catches a glimpse of a magnificently made up, beautiful five tailed fox woman, covered in layers and layers of exquisite, translucent silks of all colors, sparkling with pearls and jewels and gold from the tip of her perfectly made up hair to her dainty little silk-clad feet and he suddenly wished he had allowed his husbands to make him up like this too, as much as he hated the confinement all that finery would have brought with it. They had put him into robes just as magnificent as this at first, clearly loving to dress him up in jewels and all kind of trinkets...but when it had been time to actually get ready for the wedding what had been waiting for Xie Lian had been two smiling husbands and a set of expertly made, but thankfully plain white robes instead of the finery. There were small, slightly off-white flowers woven into the hem and his sleeves, the same flower a small boy had gifted him so long ago and He Xuan had put his hair up in a simple bun, the crown they gave him plain silver with three small inlays in mother of pearl: The same small flower in the center, flanked by a fish jumping out of a wave and an intricately carved butterfly. His husband´s robes did match his too, He Xuan´s being his customary black with golden waves flowing along the hem and sleeves and Hua Cheng´s bright red, him forgoing his usual silver jewelry for woven, delicate silver butterflies. ´You looked so uncomfortable in all that fancy stuff we thought you might like this better´ and ´You are so beatiful already A-Lian, all this stuff would just make it harder to get it off later..ouch, what was that for Crimson Rain, you know I´m right stop pinching me..´ And Xie Lian had loved every single part of the outfit they gave him, simple but meaningful to the three of them...but some part of him still wishes he would have gone with the more elaborate robes they had prepared for him. At least he wouldn´t feel just as plain as he apparently was, small and unassuming and the part in him that could never stop to wonder -how- he had actually gotten so lucky to have not one, but two people fall in love with him as thoroughly as his husbands had. It was an old wound, but a deep one that feeling of being unworthy of kindness and affection that still plagued him from time to time and  that neither Hua Cheng nor He Xuan had yet managed to erase completely, no matter how much they showed their love for him. Xie Lian´s voice is small, knowing how -silly- the whole notion is, Hua Cheng and He Xuan -love- him, they show him with everything they do and say, a small crystal clear ring and a single, perfect black pearl around his neck the physical evidence of their adoration...and yet, he simply can´t get rid of that feeling of inadequancy. "They said I was plain...like day old brown rice, ordinary and boring. That I´m not good enough for you." "Who said that?" Crimson Rain Sought Flower´s voice is as sharp as his sabre´s blade, promising quick retribution and a painful death to anybody who dares belittle his one God...and even worse, make him cry. His eye scans the crowd as if he can find the perpetrator by pure will alone, killing intent bubbling up around him, making He Xuan look up in sudden alarm, rudely pushing aside a lady who had been trying to talk to him and immediately walking over, his own aura growing dark around him in answering worry. Xie Lian hastily wipes his eyes, grabbing for his San Lang´s sleeve. "Ah, please San Lang it doesn´t matter, it´s not of importance, I´m just being sensitive today, it´s probably just the wine haha.." Crimson Rain Sought Flower and Black Water Sinking Ships just raise their eyebrows at him, in unison, and it would be funny if both of them weren´t close to murdering a wedding party just because Xie Lian overheard an unhappy thing and couldn´t keep his mouth shut, He Xuan not even knowing what was going on, the sight of Xie Lian in distress enough incentive to follow Crimson Rain´s lead for him. Xie Lian can see the first heads start to turn and look at them. He had been hidden well enough behind his hydrangea bush that nobody saw him cry, but the surging power of the Devastations at his side is hard to cover up in a room full of magic beings...and it doesn´t need a proficient magic user for their displeasure and aggression being obvious. "Please my loves...I know you only want to protect me but it is their -wedding- , don´t ruin it because a single person in a hundred said an unkind thing.." It takes another second of suspense before Hua Cheng sighs and pulls him close with one arm, pressing a kiss into the soft hair on Xie Lian´s temple before resting his chin on Xie Lian´s head, not caring that anybody can see their display of affection. Neither does He Xuan when he leans in close for a kiss of his own, cold fingers slipping between Xie Lian´s warm ones. "Alright gege, but just because it is you asking...but we will be having a very serious talk about that whole "I am not good enough for you"-thing later." He Xuan twitches and his scandalized ´Who said that?´ exactly mirroring what Hua Cheng had exclaimed earlier would be funny too if it didn´t bring another spike of killing intent with it. This time it is Hua Cheng though who grabs for his sleeve keeping the other Devastation from doing something rash, like summoning his dragons in the middle of a wedding for example. "Calm down Black Water sheesh...Gege overheard someone talk shit about him and had another one of his ´I don´t deserve you´-moments hiding behind a bush." The sarcastic uncertone in his voice ruffles He Xuan´s feathers just enough for his focus to shift from ´100 easy ways to kill effectively and leave the Gods to sort out the innocent´ onto Hua Cheng...and only a long suffering, pleading look from amber colored eyes keeps him from tearing right back into the other Devastation. He is pretty sure that Xie Lian´s ´please don´t ruin the wedding´ includes fighting between him and Crimson Rain too. "..please, behave?" Xie Lian´s voice is tired with an undertone of love, like an overworked mother trying to keep her kids in check and both Devastations smile a little sheepishly, bending down at the same time to kiss him on the cheek, one side for each Devastation, finally getting a small giggle at their ridiculousness out of Xie Lian. When one of their hosts finally walks over, a young girl, barely into her second tail, clearly sent as a deliberately non-threatening envoy, carefully eyeing the Devastations at Xie Lian´s side his usual smile is back in his place. "Taizi Dianxia is anything the matter? The noble  Lords seem...distressed? Is there anything not to your liking?" Even at a wedding party full of fox spirits the two Supremes are still the most powerful beings in the room, aside maybe from the bride´s nine tailed, royal grandmother, so it stands to reason that everybody wants to keep them happy...including Xie Lian, who smiles apologetically at the young girl and bows slightly to her. "Ah I apologize. Your fantastic wine is a little too rich for me I fear and I was feeling a little unwell just now, making them worry. Please, don´t pay us any mind, it´s nothing a little fresh air won´t cure and my husband´s favorite hobby is fussing about me so I will be perfectly fine." The fox girl giggles a little at that, clearly relieved that nothing serious had happened and it was just a case of the Prince´s husbands getting worried over nothing. They exchange a few more polite words before she scampers away again, off to report to whoever sent her that nothing terrible was amiss after all. "Look at you Gege, lying without getting red in the face, I am proud of you." Xie Lian swipes at Hua Cheng for that, a soft blush covering his face at the gentle teasing as he grabs for his husband´s hand, dragging him along with He Xuan following them like a very black, protective shadow. "You are terrible, San Lang. And i am hungry, I did have a lot of wine which was probably a bad idea. Lets go find something to eat before all the good things are gone yes?" As usual, Hua Cheng is in favor of anything that makes Xie Lian happy having no objections to that...and He Xuan is always in favor of anything having to do with food anyway. Which is exactly what Xie Lian was planning on, trying to distract them from the anger he can still feel simmering in them. Hua Cheng does finally tell He Xuan what had actually happened, the other Devastation clearly as unhappy about it all as Hua Cheng but a soft pleading look from Xie Lian is enough for the moment for him to let go of it. And that´s where they´re staying for most of the night, close to the lavish spread of food arranged on a series of small tables, chatting to a never ending stream of relatives to the royal bride that Xie Lian saved, all wanting to have a look and a chat, at Xie Lian as well as his famous husbands. Mostly the conversations are pleasant, ranging from simply polite to heated discussions of some form of obscure poetry between the bride´s granduncle on her father´s side and He Xuan, who nearly stabs the poor old fox in the face with a half eaten bit of pastry forgotten in his hand when he tries to emphasize a point. It is testament to how passionate they are about that topic when He Xuan doens´t even so much glance at a laughing Hua Cheng and it needs the help of two more aunts to drag the granduncle away again before things can completely deteriorate. They finally managed to catch a moment of the bride´s time, silently chatting with her and her newly wedded husband when Xie Lian suddenly grows tense against Hua Cheng´s arm. And it doens´t take a genius to guess that the reason for this must be the new group of three who just joined their little conversation circle, a lavishly dressed and decorated five tailed lady -probably an older female relative of some kind to their bride- shadowed by what are probably her younger sisters. Hua Cheng´s brows draw together in a frown, his arm tightening around Xie Lian´s waist...until a sharp small tug at the back of his tunic brings him back to his senses. Xie Lian is slightly pale around his nose, softly shaking his head ´no´and thus confirming what Hua Cheng had suspected from the start: that these were the ones who had made Xie Lian uncomfortable enough to hide himself and cry. He Xuan seems to have noticed nothing wrong, still casually eating while pretending to be disinterested in whatever kind of topic the three of them were currently discussing with a slightly uncomfortably smiling bride...but Hua Cheng can see his golden eyes grow sharp as daggers, never letting the fox woman out of his sight. "..I just think this particular cut is so much more suited to bring out a lady´s advantages properly don´t you think? You are such a pretty thing you really should not be wearing such old fashioned rags...but don´t take my word for it then, let´s ask someone else.." She turns to He Xuan with a flourish, eyeing him in a way that makes it very clear that, while he was in fact very well dressed, she would vastly prefer him to be wearing nothing at all. "My Lord Black Water. You clearly are someone who has impeccable taste in fashion...what do you think about this new style of robe I am wearing?" Black Water finally looks up from his bowl, having been directly adressed after all, while the fox woman does a little twirl for him, very unsubtly showing off the way the fabric is draped around her full soft bossom, emphasizing her tiny waist and delicate throat to the fullest. Xie Lian can feel something in his throat constrict painfully at the display-plain, like day old brown rice indeed- gently pulling on Hua Cheng´s hand to please get him out of there when... "Vulgar." And then He Xuan turns back to his bowl, clearly done with the conversation and the flabbergasted woman in front of him paying her no mind at all anymore. Xie Lian is so surprised he has to quickly hide a smile behind a fake cough, while Hua Cheng can´t be bothered to conceal his laughter, not in the very least concerned about the cruelty of it. After all that bitch in front of them deserved that and a lot of things more, she should be happy that He Xuan was still on his best behaviour and didn´t tear into her more then he already had. She gapes at them for a few more minutes before turning around on her heel in a huff, her two sisters following her hastily as she takes her leave. Only when she has left does He Xuan look up from his bowl again, a sharp, satisfied grin showing his white teeth. "Unfortunately for her..," he scoops something up from his bowl with his chopsticks, slipping it into Xie Lian´s mouth and following up with a soft kiss as his husband starts chewing reflexively, "...plain brown rice is our favorite." Hua Cheng laughs at that, placing a kiss into his husbands soft hair before doing the same to He Xuan...and Xie Lian is sure there has never been a single bite of rice sweeter then the one currently in his mouth.

[becomewings]

Shadows of My Childhood

Analysis: ON Children + Shadows of the Past (BU/HYYH)

Note: All names herein refer to fictional characters in BU (BTS Universe/HYYH/The Notes). The events described are entirely fictional and not representative of the members' real lives.

Content warning: contains mentions of abuse, abandonment, trauma, and suicide; images of blood 

Some of the most compelling aspects of the ON official MV, and indeed most of BTS’s cinematic repertoire, are the multiple layers of meaning and opportunity for interpretation woven throughout the video. While this version of ON has not been confirmed as part of BU canon, it contains enough explicit references to visual material in other BU videos to merit analysis of the deeper thematic connections between the two.

In this post, I will specifically look through the lens of the pairing of child figures with BTS members in ON to address possible implications within the context of their corresponding BU characters. If the children of ON represent the shadows of the characters’ pasts that continue to haunt and shape them, then the relationships and interactions of the video pairings map to each character’s coping mechanism for handling these ghosts: JiMin’s denial of trauma; YoonGi’s self-inflicted destruction; and TaeHyung’s spiral of violence that starts within him yet increasingly splinters outward. But they also shed light on the future’s hope for moving forward and healing.

The blindfolded girl + TaeHyung

The child with the most screen time and arguably the most significance in the unfolding of ON’s cinematic narrative is paired with TaeHyung. But taken in the context of BU, why is the child a girl and why does she wear a blindfold? Blood ties and violence are the roots of TaeHyung’s shadows. Yet it is impossible to address the years of his suffering without acknowledging the individual who bore it alongside him, the person one may interpret as represented by the blindfolded girl: his sister.

This portrayal does not reflect their true age difference. She is depicted as a child because, as a protective brother, he views it as his duty to safeguard her innocence. The blindfold reinforces the symbolism that he is trying to protect her from the atrocities and darkness of the world. In ON, it is the aftermath of a bloody war (a battlefield upon which he possibly fell and was reborn, given the grave marker of gathered objects and the cross-like pose of his awakening). In the BU narrative, the darkness is domestic violence and their father.

As young children, TaeHyung and his sister were abandoned by their mother,  who was pushed to terrible extremes by her husband's treatment, and left to fend for themselves in the home of an abusive alcoholic. Violence is perpetuated throughout their childhood and into adulthood. Every time she suffers, he suffers too, whether by his father's hand or the guilt that he is powerless to stop him.

“Then. That night. That night ten years ago when Mom left home. That night when Mom, my sister, and I were beaten to a pulp by Dad and we cried ourselves to sleep. … My sister is weeping quietly. It was even more distressing to hear it today.” — TaeHyung, 24 July Year 22. The Notes 1.

This cycle of violence traps TaeHyung in a private nightmare, making him afraid of his own nature's potential: vengeful fantasies (and half-remembered events from parallel timelines) of killing his father; lashing out physically at his friends in moments of conflict. Perhaps more than anything, he fears turning into his father (20 May Year 22, The Notes: Her). Denial is a disease. The more he withholds the truth of his pain and fear, the deeper the darkness takes root in his heart. The pressure threatens to break outward, consuming the people closest to him, or shatter him from within. At his most desperate, TaeHyung views suicide, an act of violence against oneself, as the only way to break free of this cycle.

“I almost killed Dad who brought me into this world and who beat me every day. I almost killed him. No, I actually killed him. Countless times. I killed him countless times in my head. I want to kill him. I want to die. I don’t know what to do. I’m lost.” — TaeHyung, 20 May Year 22. The Notes 1.

Outside, TaeHyung dons a mask to conceal the circumstances of his home life, even around his closest friends. Despite his grinning and loud-mouthed persona, this mask is cracked. His friends see the signs: bruises on his face and back, the emotional marks that run deeper than skin. They follow his lead and do not speak openly of the abuse. TaeHyung refuses to acknowledge that they can see through his mask. They all skirt the uncomfortable truth:

“TaeHyung laughed sheepishly, taking off his torn shirt. Under the dim light hanging on the trailer box, for a second, I saw his bruised back. HoSeok looked at me in shock. TaeHyung looked at himself in the mirror wearing my T-shirt. And he laughed.” — NamJoon, 11 April Year 22. The Notes: Her (translation credit: KRN - ENG © ktaebwi).

“I couldn’t imagine how he must be feeling when I felt this chilly inside. His heart must’ve felt ripped and torn. Or, does he have a heart left at all? How much anguish has he endured? … I first saw the scar on TaeHyung’s back in NamJoon’s container. I couldn’t bring myself to ask about it when he was smiling so broadly with his new T-shirt present.” — HoSeok, 20 May Year 22. The Notes 1.

He cannot seek help from his friends, because that would admit his powerlessness and give voice to the truth of his suffering. And if his pain is real, then so is his sister's.

TaeHyung cannot protect her from the brutality of their father's abuse. He cannot shield her from the cruel reality of their world. The gateway to healing will never open while he turns a blind eye to the ramifications of the violence committed within his family. In ON, acceptance of these truths is embodied in his removal of the girl's blindfold. She gazes forward, unafraid, at the wall toward which she has been looking the whole time. Standing, he takes her hand and discovers that the once-impenetrable wall is in fact a gate. With open eyes, he can see the blossoming land beyond. The future has hope, if only he can face the reality of his family’s violent history.

The drummer boy + JiMin

This is not the first time a blindfold has been employed as a significant visual symbol in BTS’s MVs. Blindfolds, in the form of silk or other members’ hands, figured prominently in Wings-era BU content, particularly in association with JiMin. Therefore, it is all the more noteworthy that in ON, he is not the one paired with the blindfolded child. However, there are several cuts from TaeHyung and his blindfolded partner to JiMin and the drummer boy, or vice versa, that feel like a deliberate choice to draw attention to this absence and the contrast against previous representations. 

In the BU narrative, JiMin suffers from seizures likely caused by Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as the result of an as-yet-unspecified traumatic childhood event that he has tried, and often failed, to repress. He is forced into extended hospitalizations by his parents, who seem unwilling to face the reality that something happened to their child and seek to bury his “abnormal behavior” behind doctors and drugs to preserve the family’s appearance of normalcy.

“When I was taken to the hospital after they found me unconscious at the Grass Flower Arboretum, my parents didn’t ask any questions. They ignored the fact that I had blacked out there. It was the same when I developed seizures. They hospitalized me, discharged me after some time, and transferred me to another school. Family reputation was important to them. A son with mental illness was unacceptable.” — JiMin, 11 May Year 22. The Notes 1.

JiMin, for his part, wants to live a normal life by attending school and cultivating friendships. Maintaining both presents challenges that he struggles to overcome, doubting his own fortitude and questioning the lie that he perpetuates to save himself: nothing ever happened to him. When his seizures are triggered by stimuli that resurface memories of the past, he winds up in the hospital again and again. Donning a metaphorical blindfold to deny the truth of his trauma, he attempts to convince the medical staff of the same lie.

“When the doctor asked me about it in a concerned tone, I trembled and apologized at first. I repeatedly said that I was sorry. It was all my fault. Please let me forget all about it. Then, I tried to pretend nothing had happened. I didn’t remember anything.” — JiMin, 11 May Year 22. The Notes 1.

After HoSeok and his friends help break him out of the hospital (15 May Year 22, The Notes 1), JiMin recognizes that in order to keep his freedom, he must prove both to his family and to himself that he is “okay” and will not relapse. 

“I had to return to the Grass Flower Arboretum. I had to stop lying about not remembering what I’d seen there. It was time to stop hiding in the hospital and put an end to my seizures. To do that, I had to go back there. But, for days, I went to the shuttle bus stop and failed to get on the bus.

After I watched the third bus of the day pull away, YoonGi suddenly appeared and plunked down next to me. … Then he asked what I was doing here. I kept my head bent low and kicked the ground with the toe of my sneaker. I was sitting there because I didn’t have courage. I wanted to pretend that I was OK now, that I knew enough, and that I could easily overcome this. But I was afraid. I was afraid of not knowing what I was about to face, whether I would be able to endure it, and whether I would have a seizure again.

… The bus stopped and the door opened. The driver stared at me. I asked YoonGi. ‘Will you go with me?’” — JiMin, 19 May Year 22. The Notes 1.

The drummer boy in ON may represent, in part, JiMin’s childhood: his real younger self, the one who experienced an event with long-reaching, traumatic consequences, just as the drummer boy marched into the horrors of war. User @cinnaminsvga​ points out that the boy’s striped pants (and I will add, shaved head) may refer to the common style of uniform assigned in Holocaust concentration camps, drawing in additional themes of imprisonment and persecution. In JiMin’s case, the violence against his true identity is committed by himself, in the attempted act of self-preservation, and his family, in turning a blind eye and forcing his hospitalization.

JiMin has spent years of his life denying the truth of what happened in the arboretum, hiding behind a blindfold of denial and lies. Embarking on the arboretum shuttle with YoonGi marks his first conscious effort to remove that blindfold. This is paralleled by his interaction with ON’s drummer boy. For the first time, he reaches out to that boy of his past, in a striking visual homage to Blood, Sweat, & Tears. Instead of running away, he chooses to face the reality of his trauma, in the hope of walking a new path toward acceptance and healing. 

Later events in the Notes and BU films remind us that the path to recovery is not easy or straightforward. It is riddled with pitfalls and switchbacks, challenges and missteps that threaten to drag oneself into relapse. When JiMin accidentally stumbles into his dance studio partner and they fall, the sight of his own blood once again triggers him.

“The blood reminded me of the Grass Flower Arboretum. I felt suffocated. I couldn’t remember how I got up, ran out of the practice room, and made it to the restroom. I scrubbed and washed the scrape like crazy, becoming more and more frightened at seeing the blood sucked down the drain. I thought I’d overcome this. I thought I was OK. But I wasn’t. I had to flee. I had to wash it off. I had to look the other way. 

… On that day, I’d run away from the Grass Flower Arboretum. My body was covered with mud that looked like blood. I hadn’t grown up one bit from that little eight-year-old kid.” — JiMin, 4 July Year 22. The Notes 1.

The road to the future will be paved with hardship and setbacks for JiMin. However, the act of reaching toward the drummer boy in ON may further represent the acceptance that he has more challenges to overcome. Although the young age of military drummers has been exaggerated and romanticized over the years, their role is uncontested: drums helped the formations march in step, and a language of rudiments (basic rhythmic patterns) relayed commands from officers to soldiers. Despite the danger to their lives, they accompanied the troops to war and played on the battlefield. JiMin’s partnership with the drummer boy in ON signifies his willingness to brave the conflicts, personal and external, ahead. Though his private battles to survive his trauma are far from over, if he does not surrender again to denial, he will one day see light breaking through the storm.

The candle girls + YoonGi

In ON, YoonGi is connected with not just one child, but an entire congregation. The scene appears as a kind of candlelight vigil or memorial service, likely composed of girls because all the men and boys have been summoned to the war. Fire has been one of the most significant, recurring elements since the very beginning of BU content, especially in association with YoonGi, so the choice of imagery is impossible to miss. Fire is the root of his obsessions, the heart of his torment, the means to his self-destruction.

YoonGi has never truly come to terms with his mother's death, locking away the suspicion that she was responsible for setting the fire that took her life. His love for music is bound by the painful memories of his mother and the piano. Love and pain are inextricable. His mother's love for him and for music were not enough to save her life. Again and again, in countless timelines, he plays out that same act of self-violence, throwing himself into the flames.

“I tried to imagine what was going on in YoonGi’s head. Once, I followed him secretly for hours. His footsteps were insecure and unpredictable. He staggered through the night streets and tried to fling himself into the fire. He sometimes squatted on the ground and listened to music that flowed out of somewhere inside an underground shopping arcade. … The suffering he must have endured, going from one extreme to the other, were beyond my imagination. All I could do was watch him stagger on.” — SeokJin, 2 May Year 22. The Notes 1.

Like TaeHyung, YoonGi attempts to hide the true depths of his despair from his group of friends: the wildly uncontrolled mood swings from fits of creative passion to destructive tendencies of alcoholism and self-harm. Though he finds a kindred spirit in JungKook, his own internal conflicts and fears repeatedly force him away when they get too close. When they are reunited physically at key moments throughout the BU narrative, he cannot bridge the emotional gap. YoonGi’s mother abandoned him to an inheritance of grief and mental health struggles, neither of which he is capable of working through alone. But he recognizes that his self-destructive habits spin out of control, and he does not want to inflict that pain upon others through their closeness.

“I turned my eyes away. I didn’t want to get involved in someone else’s life. I didn’t want to try to console someone who was lonely. I didn’t want to be important for someone. I wasn’t sure I could protect that someone till the end. I wasn’t confident I could stand by that someone till the end. I didn’t want to hurt that someone. I didn’t want to get hurt. It’s hard enough for us to try to save ourselves when the last moment comes, let alone someone else.” — YoonGi, 7 April Year 22. The Notes 1.

“‘Why didn’t you go see JungKook? Don’t you know what you mean to him?’ Of course I knew. Maybe that was why I couldn’t go into his room. I was distorted and thorny. Anyone who tried to come near me was bound to get hurt.

… I’d inflicted pain on others as I suffered greater pain. I looked away from their wounds. I didn’t want to take any responsibility. I didn’t want to get involved. That was who I was.” — YoonGi, 25 July Year 22. The Notes 1.

YoonGi is eventually driven to understand that he cannot survive alone. When he fears that he pushes away HoSeok, the “one who always pave[s] the way for [him] to come back no matter how far astray” he has gone (28 July Year 22, The Notes 1), for good this time, HoSeok later texts him privately to ask if he is okay. In between those two points of contact, YoonGi discovers a new purpose for living: completing the melody that has nearly driven him to madness, as it haunts him across many parallel timelines in tantalizing and ungraspable fragments. 

“I completed the piece several days ago. I changed the version I sent to HoSeok a few more times. I gave it the title ‘Hope.’ To be honest, the title didn’t actually match the piece. It contained my fear, cowardice, and inferiority. It contained all the moments I tried to avoid, get away from, and reprimanded myself for. But I couldn’t think of any other word that could encompass it all.” — YoonGi, 30 August Year 22. The Notes 1.

In sharing this musical representation of his innermost self, YoonGi opens himself to vulnerability. This is a step forward in accepting the turmoil of his heart and allowing others inside to see his true self, too. It is particularly striking to see YoonGi, who has forbidden himself emotional proximity to others for so long, emerging from isolation to participate in ON’s candlelight service. Linking him to a community of children, rather than the solo partners of TaeHyung and JiMin, signifies his progress in growing beyond the shadows of his past and exploring new ways to manage his grief. Even the cuts to him alone in this sacred, ceremonial space reflect his development. He is not torn by anger or despair, but given to reflection. He does not stare obsessively into the flames, but instead gazes outward at a beam of sunlight. Despite the somber undertones, this scene in ON is one of the rare instances of YoonGi associated with fire in a positive light: not one of violence and self-destruction, but reflection and healing through the allowance of both private and shared grief. 

Bonus: HoSeok + the bag girl

While all seven characters of the BU narrative are influenced by their pasts, the ones whose lives are most acutely shaped by the ongoing traumas and conflicts that are rooted in their youths are the characters reflected here: TaeHyung, JiMin, YoonGi. And, I am inclined to say at first pass, HoSeok. Like TaeHyung, he was abandoned by his mother, but this left him without any family and he was consigned to an orphanage. He carries the weight of his abandonment with him into adulthood, influencing multiple aspects of his health and manifesting an unconscious obsession with seeing his mother in other women.

So where is his child representation in the ON video? It is entirely plausible that another pairing included was not included for timing reasons. Another possible reason is that he has made considerable progress in his personal growth by the end of the Notes 1, and therefore the shackles of his past have loosened: he confesses to JiMin that his narcolepsy is fake (16 May Year 22, The Notes 1) and in later months recognizes the problematic nature of seeing his mother, whose face he can no longer remember, in other women in his life, strangers and friends alike. 

That being said, the presence of the girl with the bright yellow bag in the shot of everyone looking beyond the wall (included in the first photoset) might be a coincidence… or it might be a small nod to the shoulder bag carried on tour by the real-life HoSeok and gifted to a fan during the New York Citi Field performance in October 2018. The one in ON is not red (although the girl standing next to her has one with red embellishments), but the yellow is a surprising pop of color amid the subdued color palette in the rest of the shot. She does not stand near HoSeok (although neither does the drummer boy near JiMin)... But perhaps, if we are inclined to read into it, we may find a dash of hope in the separation of this mother/child reference, as HoSeok gazes forward with the others at the opportunities and dreams promised by the future.

------------------------------------------------

If you made it this far, I sincerely thank you for coming on this little journey with me. Please do not repost this analysis on other platforms. If you have any questions, comments, or wild theories of your own… send them my way! I would love to hear from you. -- wings

Added Note: This was written before I read actress Rina Johnson’s statement about playing the role of Taehyung’s sister and prior to the release of the ON behind-the-scenes video.

[revengeworld]

The Circus V

Werewolf! Kylo x Reader Modern/Monster AU

Words: +3.200

Warnings: None

AN: HAPPY HALLOWEEN! I’m back! At least for the last parts for the Circus. The next Parts will be posted each Friday until we are done with them. I’m also writing on other stuff but I’m honestly not sure if I will post them. Zero Feedback = Zero Motivation to post them, since it makes no difference to me. So yeah we will see...

MASTERLIST: Can be found in my bio if you are interested in more!

-

“What happened to you?” Kylo chuckled when he came around the corner to find his beautiful girlfriend covered from head to toe in paint streaks. 

“I started your banner!” taking the cool bottle of lemonade from him, Y/N quickly took a few sips before brushing over her forehead to look at her work.

Following her gaze Kylos mouth fell open. With a chuckle she carefully pushed his chin up.

“Holy shit! That's me?” he asked astound and stepped closer to look at his own face on the gigantic Banner.

“Well yeah, who else. But it's still not finished so don't expect too much!” she mumbled a bit worried that she wouldn't be able to satisfy everyone's expectations.

“Oh don't make that pouty face, Moonshine. I look fucking badass.” grinning at the banner he already saw the wolf sketch that would be behind his shoulder.

“This will be awesome, you should really stop underestimating yourself so much.” he mumbled and pulled her closer, to press a kiss on her soft lips.

“I know … but that's how the progress works.” stretching herself, Y/N yawned.

“How about we take a little break?” Kylo already grabbed her by her hip and sat her down on the hood of his car.

“Yeah… the paint needs to dry anyway.” leaning back she already enjoyed the nice sunshine and closed her eyes before Kylo joined her.

“Ah wait, careful...” quickly shielding her ear with one hand, she grabbed the tiny white snake that had been sleeping in her hair again.

“Well … Hello Koh, what are you doing here… again?!” Kylo growled with a sweet tone to the snake who just looked away and curled around Y/Ns fingers.

“Phasma is training for her show and he is still too young so I babysit him.” with a smile Y/N started to pat it's tiny head and the little snake closed its eyes in relaxation.

“Well if you want a baby to take care of, I have an idea...” Kylo growled seductively in her ear and she started to chuckle.

“Mhmm I think I should listen to Poes tip and tie you up at night from now on.” with a teasing grin she pressed a kiss on the tip of his nose.

“I`m not in my rut!” he huffed offended and she just giggled even more.

“You are so sweet when you try to hide the truth.” ruffling through his hair, Kylo quickly pulled his head away, not wanting to give her the satisfaction.

“Oh come on. I`m just teasing, Darling.” Y/N took the last sips of her drink before looking surprised at the little snake in her other hand. 

“Did you hear that?” looking over to Kylo he only shrugged his shoulders.

“What should i have heard?” gently laying his hand against her cheek, she lightly shook her head.

“Maybe I just have been to long in the sun.” watching the little snake for another moment, she placed him back around her left ear before sliding off the car.

“I get you some water, then… Don't overdo it please.” 

“Don`t worry about me, you have your training soon!” she reminded him and he looked shocked down at his watch.

Running into the tent, he quickly grabbed a glass of water and brought it to her before pressing a strong kiss on her cheek.

“I`ll see you later! Love you! God dammit!”

Watching him run towards the big tent she could only try to hide her laughter.

“Yes you`re right. He is a bit clumsy sometimes.” Y/N answered the little snakes hiss and started to mix her paints to continue Kylos banner.

A few hours later, Y/N had made a lot of progress and the little snake slowly poked his head out between her hair.

“You want to take a break?” she asked it and Koh hissed delighted. For now the Banner needed to dry anyway and tomorrow she would be finally finished with the first one. It was only missing Kylos stage name now. Cleaning her brushes and the glasses she had used, she stepped inside the cool tent. She had already noticed that whatever kind of weather was outside, the tents were always at a comfortable temperature.

“Want to help me choose the colours for your Mamas Banner?” she asked the little snake while placing it next to her sketchbook on the wooden work desk.

Letting out a small hiss, Y/N nodded with a smile. 

“I'll get you some water then.”  getting a tiny bowl she filled it with water and placed it next to the small snake and watched him drink for a moment, before she pulled her aquarelle colours out of a drawer.

“So what do you think? I put you big in front like you wished for. Phasma right after you with all your other siblings.” Y/N stretched her hand out to the white snake who quickly slithered on it and looked down at the finished lineart she had made.

“Pretty!” the snake hissed and pressed his scaled snout against Y/Ns cheeks just like a small kiss. Giggling to herself, she watched Koh for another moment. So it was him she had heard earlier, first it was a little shock but now that she had time to think about it, it made sense. Since she was here she had noticed more and more magical things inside the circus, little things like the changing appearance of her co-workers, who looked more and more like their original forms. A man with horns, a woman with flowing hair as if she was constantly underwater or the wondrous animals she just had laid eyes on so far. So, that she was able to understand Koh it must have been a part of being here and especially being accepted by everyone, even though she was just a mere human, at least that was her conclusion to all of this.

“So since you're white, how should i paint you ...” Y/N started to mumble to herself while taking a closer look at Koh who rolled himself together on her hand.

“Rainbow.” he hissed and she noticed the lightest bit of colourful shimmer on his small scales.

“Oh I see! I can definitely try something like this!” grabbing another piece of paper she prepared an example and showed it to Koh.

With a small hiss the Snake observed the paper before turning itself to it's own body.

“More shimmer, please?”

“No problem, sweety. Silver or Gold?” placing two containers next to the test drawing the small snake looked between them.

“Silver, please.” he nodded excited and watched closely while she placed a thin layer over the light rainbow part.

“How is that, my little friend?”

“Perfect! Thanks!” getting booped by his snout again, Y/N smiled. It was nice to have the little snake around while all of the others were so busy preparing their acts, since the first date of the show was announced for this weekend.

Working on the colouring for Phasmas Banner, Koh slowly made his way on her head to watch from above while he curled around a strand of hair.

-

“Can we visit Mama soon?” the small snake asked after a while with a yawn and Y/N carefully stretched herself after putting her brush down.

“Yeah, let's go… I'm creatively exhausted too.” cleaning up her desk, Y/N soon made her way towards the big tent, the sun slowly sinking in the background.

Koh climbed back down towards her ear where he had the best grip and felt the most comfortable.

“Y/N? I was just about to come over to you.” Phasma was approaching them and Koh quickly stuck his head out of Y/Ns hair.

“Mama!” he called with a wide open mouth which made Phasma smile with adoration.

“Are you done already? Koh wanted to watch you rehearse.” Y/N stated and helped Koh from her ear before holding him towards his mother.

Surprised, the tall woman let Koh climb from Y/Ns hand to her own, not taking her eyes off of the young woman in front of her.

“How did you know?”

“He told me.” tilting her head the slightest Y/N shrugged her shoulders as if it was the most normal thing.

“Is that so?” Phasma smiled, not trying to show how concerned she was.

“Yes. She understands me, Mama. It's very nice. We talked a lot today.” pushing his head against Phasmas cheek for a moment, Koh soon slithered up into her hair.

“Let's go together then. Everyone is still in the tent. How did your painting go?” she asked while they walked to the Main Entrance.

“Good! Just need to put Kylos Name on the Banner tomorrow and then I will be starting with yours. Koh helped me pick most colours.” she smiled and the small snake nodded delighted, Phasma could tell he was very proud about it.

For her little child it was of course exciting to be able to communicate with a normal human, but it made her more than worried.

Entering the main tent, Y/N could already see Kylo on the wooden stage in his big wolf form, before someone laid their arms around her waist, it was Rey.

Y/N could feel Rey slightly rub her head against hers and she started to laugh. Since she had spent a few hours with the female werewolf to sketch her, Y/N and Rey slowly became friends after getting over the first awkward hurdle.

“Get your goddamn awful smell off of her!” Kylo suddenly screamed and came running, before turning back into his human form and ripping Y/N basically away from the other before nuzzling his face like crazy against hers.

Starting to giggle, she quickly pressed a kiss on his lips and in an instant he seemed to calm down.

“Come on, at least let me borrow her from time to time.” Rey called teasingly while stalking around them.

“In your dreams, bitten!” growling he wrapped his arms tighter around Y/Ns waist.

“Don’t be so selfish, especially when she smells so sweet at the moment.” Rey sighed deeply as if she was talking about the most beautiful thing in the world.

“Now you've done it!” turning back the black much bigger wolf chased around a brown one which only snickered while running away.

“What is it with them today?” Y/N laughed while watching them before Finn landed right beside her, which made her look up in confusing wondering where he even came from.

“As far as we understand it...”

“More like just assuming...” Poe interrupted.

“We think Rey is teasing Kylo for his rut, since you are ready to have pups.”

“Oh okay… Wait… what?!” first she nodded understandingly before Y/Ns eyes widened in realization.

“Kylo explained to us once that werewolves fall into ruts when they smell that their female is most fertile to have the pups.”

“And he smells that?!” she shrieked while sniffing on her own arm, her cheeks getting redder by the second.

“Your blood does smell a little sweeter than normal, I guess.” Finn agreed nodding.

Shocked Y/N looked at Finn, before she pulled the jacket around her shoulders closer and quickly zipped it up.

“Pervert ...” Y/N crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“No! Please don’t misunderstand I'm not doing it on purpose!” Finn plead to her.

“Vampires and Werewolves just have a very sensitive nose for blood. Believe me!” 

“How embarrassing ….” she mumbled and wrapped her arms around herself.

“Don't give it any mind. That's just how these things work i guess.” Phasma tried to calm her and patted her head.

Kylo had thrown Rey off the stage who landed in her normal form next to them.

“Fine big guy. I keep away from her for now until you calmed down.” the young woman bowed and winked to Y/N before leaving the tent.

The black wolf quickly came running again, his mouth curled up into a grin, very proud of himself to have defended his mate, before he turned back and embraced her.

Nuzzling his face against hers again, Kylo tried to get rid of every bit of smell that wasn't his.

When he looked down at her again and saw her flustered face, Kylo bit his lip, she was just too cute and goddamn tempting. 

“Sorry for the chaos...” he apologized and she only nodded slightly while avoiding his gaze.

“Are you already done with training? Kou and I planned to watch.”

“Ah yeah sorry … maybe tomorrow. I'm pretty beat too...” leaning with his heavy weight down on her, Y/N started to struggle to keep him up.

“How about we just go home and cuddle… lots.” he suggested with a loud yawn.

“Actually Kylo, there is something I would like to talk with you beforehand. If that's okay with you...” Phasma suggested and looked down at Y/N.

“Oh sure. I will prepare a nice hot bath for you, my love.” standing on her tiptoes, Y/N pressed a gentle kiss on his lips before she wished everyone else a good night and left.

With a heavy sigh Kylo watched her leave before he gave Phasma and the little snake on her head his attention. 

“What is it? You look pretty serious.” raising his eyebrows, she suddenly pointed up at the small snake that was just letting out a long yawn.

“Y/N can understand him! I don't know why or how, but she can completely understand him!” 

“Are you really sure about that?”

“I didn't see it myself, but Koh and her both confirmed it.”

“Wait… holy shit does that mean she is one of us?” sitting down next to the werewolf, Poe crossed his legs.

“She can't be...” Kylo stated shocked before letting himself fall on a chair nearby.

“She doesn't smell like any of us. And if Y/N really can understand him shouldn't she at least have a similar fragrance like Phasma?” he asked Finn who only nodded in thought.

“Yeah, they have completely different scents.” the Vampire agreed.

“She doesn't have to be a Snake person to talk to him. I mean… Nature Spirits could too.”

“And it seems like Y/N just now started to understand him, right?” Poe added and Phasma looked to her small son who slowly nodded.

“He tried before but today was the day she seemed to really understand him.” she explained to the others.

“That is… unexpected.” brushing his hair back, Kylo took a deep breath.

“Well it doesn't really change anything seeing that she might not know herself.”

“Is it only Kou she can speak to?”

“I don't know… come to my tent tomorrow and we can find out. It just really surprised me...”

“Finn and I could do some research if you want too...” Poe suggested but Kylo seemed to barely listen anymore.

“Yeah, I will try to talk to her about it.” standing up he left the others behind without saying another word and made his way to the edge of the Circus where their tent was.

As soon as he saw her, Kylo grabbed her by her waist and picked her up before letting his lips clash against hers.

With a chuckle she wrapped her legs around his hip and quickly held onto his broad shoulders.

“Don't get ahead of yourself...” she warned with a smile when she felt his firm grip on her behind.

“But you are so goddamn tempting.” kissing along her neck, he could hear her heartbeat fasten before she quickly pushed his face away and laid her hands over his nose.

“How do I smell like to you?” she asked ashamed and for a moment he looked confused at her.

“Oh … the others told you, huh?” nodding the slightest, Y/N laid her head on his shoulder.

“Well to me ...” leaning down to her he let his nose run over the exposed skin on her neck.

“You smell like a warm summer night and since yesterday there is a hint of sweetness that just drives me crazy. Similar to the Cotton Candy that we ate the night we met.” Y/N screamed when Kylo suddenly let himself fall with her onto their bed.

“And it's not just that, if you should think that. You`re drop dead gorgeous and i still can't fucking believe that you are mine. Only mine.”

“Okay okay enough or my heart will explode!” chuckling shyly, Y/N was the one who nuzzled her head against him.

“Are you sure, because I have a lot more.” he smiled while smothering her face with kisses.

“Kylo?” hearing her serious tone he stopped and looked down on her.

“How is that when someone is expecting pups? What happens at full moon when the baby is still in the mother?”

“You were worrying about that?”

“Well when we have pups at some point ...better I will be prepared, right? Besides it seems to be the topic of the whole damn Camp...” she mumbled and her cheeks started to flush with a pink hue. They never had gone further than snogging and already talking about children seemed a little much, but also necessary and she was curious herself.

“Oh sweetheart… let me show you something.” pulling out his phone, he rolled right beside her and showed her a few pictures. 

“I asked my mom to send them earlier this week.” he swiped through the pictures and watched intently when she started to giggle.

“Wait, is that really you with little wolf ears?” 

“Yeah that's me when I`m two. Werewolves start transforming around their 3-5 year. It will be just like a completely normal pregnancy my mother told me.” 

“So you were an early one, huh?” she grinned.

“I always was. When you hit puberty it's starts that the full moon takes over.” he explained while Y/N had taken the phone from him still staring interested at the pictures until she saw a small Kylo in a tub.

“Oh no! Your bath!” suddenly jumping from the bed she run to the back of the tent.

With a smile on his lips Kylo shook his head before his eyes fell back on a picture with his parents. A heavy sigh escaped his lips before he followed Y/N after a short while.

“Maybe you should join me… you are still covered in paint, my Moonshine.” laying his hand on her hip from behind, he looked over her shoulder while she added something into the hot water.

“I would just ruin the nice water and we two would both be stained. So you still have to go in alone, my love.” leaning against his chest, she felt him press a kiss against her head before he buried his face in her hair.

“Maybe next time then.” he said teasingly before turning her around, pulling Y/N into a soft kiss.

“I love you, Moonshine.”

“I love you too… my big bad wolf. Now get your butt in that tub!” she chuckled before giving him a light slap on his butt just like he would always do.

“Yes ma’am.” pressing a quick kiss against her temple, the werewolf let her leave and soon was laying in the tub, just letting the hot water soak in and his sore muscles relax.

Now waiting for Y/N to come out of the bath, Kylo was just rubbing his hair dry while trying to think of a way how to start up a conversation about the fact that she could speak with the little snake.

It was something that he just couldn't wrap his head around, for him her scent always had stuck out of the crowd of normal humans, but that she might be one of them was a light shock for him.

Of course it didn't change anything about his feelings for her, he was just worried under which circumstances she lived beforehand since she didn't seem to know herself.

Hearing her little footsteps come closer he looked up to find his girlfriend in her favourite pyjamas and dripping hair.

“You stole all the towels!” she pouted and he quickly took the towel he just used to throw it over her head to ruffled her hair dry.

Letting herself fall into his lap, she waited patiently with a smile.

Just these small moments were something that always made her day and it seemed like for Kylo it was the same, that he literally forgot to talk with her and soon the were cuddled up in their gigantic bed.

-

Tags: @kyloren-supreme-ben​   @celestiaelisia​ @sdavid09​  @ayatimascd​ @acunningstargazer​ @agirlwithlonelymusic​ @ev3e​

[luciens-one-and-only-sea-otter]

Five Otome/Romance Game Men I Adore

Hai hai many thanks for thinking of me for this tag game @justine-the-guillotine !!

 I always feel pressure to do these things perfectly, even though it’s just talking about things I like :’) so please bear with me in my, probably, screaming appreciation. I’ve been thinking of a list a characters for a whole day and honestly I’m suddenly blanking,,, who do I adore? lol who knows,,, Well actually you are about to know cause I am going to tell you LOL. OkAY. Enough of this blabbering, onto the list of many mens.

Please know I am excluding Lucien (MLQC) because it is obvious that I adore him to a fucking fault. If you want to see me do a whole appreciation about those him just hmu in my asks or message me and I will go on for days bby

This list is in no way order of most to least adored, I physically could not make that kind of decision jkdfjksdfh. ALSO PLS KNOW I DO SWEAR LIKE A FUCKING SAILOR AND I TALK OF SMUSHING LOVELIES OFTEN. IT”S JUST MY PERSONALITY SO SHHHHH IF YOU DON”T LIKE IT DON”T READ IT BOO, THAT SIMPLE!

Takeda Shingen (Ikemen Sengoku) - Okay, I will be honest, I was very skeptical of sengoku period romance games because I had played some in the past,,, but holy shit, Shingen blew me away. He quickly rose up the ranks of otome men in my heart, and I think about him at least once a day now. I related so much with his MC because it was so hard not to lust and swoon over that man. I have no idea how or when I fell hard for him but it happened and I am not mad at all. I self insert so much with my games,,, and it’s easy for me to slip my real feelings into my fantasies. And honestly I really wish I could have Shingen IRL, ~~though I’m sure I would absolutely freak out and hide under a rock if he ever paid me any attention. He represents the perfect man, lover, and husband to me; he’s on a god level kind of man. Shingen is compassionate, knows boundaries and has never restricted MC from doing anything she loved (without good reason), he’s reliable and strong in a way that makes my heart melt. AND  LET’S NOT FORGET HOW FUCKING BRILLIANT THIS MAN IS, HE IS SO FUCKING SMART AND I WISH CYBIRD LET US SEE HIS EXTREME INTELLIGENCE MUCH MORE,,,, He’s just so damn perfect it is near infuriating how good of a man he is. He fits my normal type so well; me saying “Tall, Handsome, Flirtatious, Sexy as Fuck and Infuriating” might of as well have been about Mr Takeda “I’ll marry you and give you everything for one smile” Shingen. I also really like characters that are loyal to their loved ones (yes in contrast to my bastard villain type kink, I also love those who show loyalty and devotion to the people they love) Shingen does more than enough of all of and I really do look up to him as a person and model for character,,,,, oh gods, and the way I imagine he would make sweet baby making love to ---*cough cough* ALRIGHT LETS STOP HERE BEFORE THIS BECOMES A WHOLE ASS SHINGEN APPRECIATION POST!!!

Sirius Oswald (Ikemen Revolution) - I’m really tempted to just insert a daddy kink meme and leave it at that,,,, He is my absolute top otome man, or rather,,, one of my top “I wish you were real and we were married” men. As much as I whore around and claim to love a new man the most (besides Lucien because they’re on the same level now) every week,,, I will always come back to Mr. Flower Daddy. He holds such a precious spot in my heart, I can only try to explain the things that he makes me feel. Like a giddy school girl in love for the first time, but in this story they end up together. High school sweetheart kind of love that lasts till they’re old and wrinkled with time. Gods, thinking about Sirius makes me sob and my wallet sob harder . I must have a thing for men who keep denying their affections for MC (aka me self insert) because of things like responsibility, friendship, being labelled an old geezer,,etc. I have played his route about eight times over (probably) by now, it’s a little upsetting that his route wasn’t as spicy as his side content. Please Cybird, let Mr. Flower Daddy be the sexy and dramatic man he can be. I love the way he cares for others, how hard he works to achieve the bonds and peace he has now for not only everyone he loves, but for the country they all live in as well. His many layers intrigue me, seeing his reactions as well ughhhh I love this man so fucking much, how do people irl deal with love like this? I’m sitting here dreaming over Sirius Oswald,,, and his,,, big hands,,, Never have I held such large and terrifyingly real emotions and lust for an otome character. The man just screams let daddy take care of you baby but also let daddy wreck your pretty whore mouth, little lady or maybe that’s just me projecting my kinks onto this pure (lol) man. Not only is his body, heart, and morals absolutely stunning, HE IS ANOTHER INCREDIBLY INTELLIGENT BEING AND I CANNOT STRESSSSS HOW MUCH I FIND SMART PEOPLE INCREDIBLY SEXY AND THE WAY HE USES HIS TALENTS TO SUBTLY AID HIS LOVED ONES UGHHHHHH I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEE. GODS PLEASE LET ME BREAK INTO THE SIXTH DIMENSION AND MARRY THIS MAN!!!! 

Kent (Amnesia Memories) - OKAY LET ME JUST SAYYYY HE IS THE BIGGEST BABY AND BIGGEST MAN AT THE SAME TIME AND YOU CAN FIGHT ME ON THIS IDC BUT HIS OUTFIT IS THE SHIT!!! FUCK YOU BELT HATERS!!! His outfit and his love slaps like the wholesome man he is. Absolutely I would love to h*ld his h@nds and give him the best smooches I can give. Because that is what he deserves. I really loved this game, growing to love Kent was easy despite his big brain fucker throwing math questions at me from time to time. I’m not sure what makes me like Kent so damn much, but I do and that’s what matters skjdfdskjfh. He is so damn precious,,, you all know those  “you so fucking precious when you smile” song video thingies? That is exactly how I feel about Kent. He’s so damn precious I want him to be happy always. And I will fight anyone who bullies him hnnn. 

Myeong Hwi aka Theodore Wilson + Lee Gun Wook aka William Harris (Mystic Code) - Mystic Code used to be one of my favs, till they did the whole updating and redoing the story thing, with no full voiced lines etc (I really hope they bring that back). But two stood out to me the most was Captain Wilson and Lieutenant Harris. Both have very strong personalities and care for the greater good, and thick as fuck lets be real with that dom energy . I adore men with strong and noble (?? is this the right word??) personalities and also possess a compassionate heart. As Theo is with the MIU team members and Will is with MC. 

Theodorus Van Gogh (Ikemen Vampire) - whoallowedthismantobethisfuckingattractiveandlegal??????  *insert his magic mike CG* I have played Theo’s route in JP a few times, once to completion but knowing him in the EN version I am already absolutely in love with this man. How this came to be? Maybe it’s his bittersweet personality, the way he cares for MC in the same way Sirius does, but he’s a bit more brash about it than Sirius. I absolutely adored his character growth in his route and as you get to know him better he opens up more and more, ahh the tsundere is quite the cute trait XD. He is strong willed and passionate, he is caring of his loved ones, he is loyal to his family, blood or found, and he is an absolutely attentive loving person. Why ask for more when you can just love Theodorus Van Gogh? He is the absolute softy packed into a large brooding and brash package with a shiny 8-pack abs that I wish to slather maple syrup on and lap up for the love of----  for someone who loves pancakes so much. And I very much admire his drive to do what he wants and needs to do to the absolute best of his ability. His will to thrive for the best he can get has me swooning. He truly is a breath taking man,,, whether that be because he is being a complete sweetheart all of the sudden or he’s whipping you some nasty insult that is itching for a rebut.

Alright, that’s it! I cheated a little lololll but there aren’t any rules so >;3c I can do as I wish. 

I uhhhhhhh don’t interact with many other otome blogs T^T (but maybe you can change that hwehwe) so I won’t be tagging anyone. However, if you do see this and want to join in and tag your friends pls do!!! Share the love, pass it on, scream about more 2D mans.

[shapeshiftersandfire]

on this cold winter’s night.

prompt: shaking and shivering (bthb) / warm (gthb) fandom: scary stories to tell in the dark characters: sarah bellows, verna bellows au: project verna warnings: mentioned child abuse, cold

The ragged, worn blanket isn’t enough to keep Sarah warm. She pulls it tighter around herself, curls tighter, and tries to keep herself warm, but it’s not use. The cold of the basement saps any ounce of warmth she can muster. At this point she should be used to it, having spent many a cold night in this dark little room. But something about tonight’s cold is different. Harsher. The thin blanket her family gave her, or rather, allowed her, isn’t enough to keep the cold out. Layering is equally useless; a second blanket is only a small bit heavier than the first. Sarah feels the warmth return to her body for a moment, and then it’s gone.

Every moment she can’t get warm is a moment her extremities hurt a little bit more.

“Aunt Verna,” she whimpers to a dark, empty room. “Aunt Verna…”

How desperately she wants to be upstairs, curled up in her aunt’s arms, safe and warm and loved, instead of being down here, cold and lonely and forgotten.

Sarah sniffs and chokes out a sob. “Aunt Verna…” She’s cold, she’s so cold, all she wants is for someone to take her upstairs, or at the very least give her another, heavier blanket.

Suddenly the light goes on. Sarah curls tighter under her blanket. Is it morning already? Had she really been up all night? Time passes differently down here than it does upstairs, she wouldn’t be surprised. She looks up as the door swings open, expecting to see her brothers or her mother, but instead it’s Aunt Verna.

“Aunt Verna,” Sarah whimpers. She hides herself further under the blankets, if only to hide her shivering. “Aunt Verna, I’m cold.”

“Oh, Sarah.” Verna rushes to Sarah’s side; Sarah shivers violently. She rests a hand on Sarah’s cheek. “Oh, baby girl, you’re freezing!”

Sarah’s teeth chatter too hard for her to speak properly. “I-I wanna c-come upstairs, Aunt Verna.”

“Yep.” Verna wastes no time in pulling Sarah from her little bed and guiding her up from her basement room. Sarah huddles against Verna for warmth; she can barely feel the stone floor underneath her. “I’m going to have a nice long chat with your family about you sleeping down there on nights like this.” Sarah’s not sure what Verna says after that, it’s all mumbled, and angrily so. She doesn’t try to listen too hard, she’s too tired and too cold for that. Instead, she tucks her hands underneath her arms and tries to focus on putting one foot in front of the other, trying not to trip as the floor goes from stone to unpolished wood to polished wood to rug to polished wood again.

Sarah expects the air on this level of the house to be warmer, steadily warm instead of what feels like a residual warmth, that of a fire put out hours ago. But she’s so frozen she hardly notices the change in temperature.

Verna guides her into the main room, where Sarah blearily makes out the remnants of a fire that had been put out earlier in the night. Thinking of the heat it gives off somehow serves to make her colder instead. How nice it would be to sleep in front of it…

But she’d rather be on a soft mattress than the hard wood floor.

“Do you want to sit in front of the fire?” Verna holds her tighter, holds her a little more upright.

Sarah shakes her head. She’s cold and she’s tired, all she wants to do is sleep. “Jus’ wanna go t’ bed,” she mumbles, and leans heavier into Verna’s shoulder. She wants to cry, but she’s so cold she’s sure her tears are going to freeze before she can shed them.

“Alright, sweetheart.” Verna holds her closer, guides her up the stairs until Sarah’s legs give out—she’s too cold to walk, her feet hurt, she just wants to lay down. Her aunt scoops her up and carries her the rest of the way up the stairs, only setting her down long enough to open door, then picks her up again and kicks the door shut behind her.

Verna wastes no time getting Sarah warm. She sets Sarah on the bed, and Sarah watches as Verna digs through her clothes for something. Up here, the rooms are much warmer, comfortably warm, but the cold has settled so deeply in Sarah’s bones that she doesn’t notice it. She lays on the bed, curled as tightly as she can, and shivers. Her fingers hurt. Her feet hurt. Her nose is frozen and runny, but her hands are too cold for her to untuck them from under her arms to wipe it. She buries her nose in the pillow, closes her eyes. It smells like Verna and it’s infinitely thicker and softer than the old thin one she has down in her room.

It’s enough that she starts to drift off, shaken out of her almost-slumber by the bed shifting under Verna’s weight and a warm hand around her ankle. Sarah bolts upright, clumsily, barely making it to her elbows. “Don’ touch—” and then any cold in the air is locked out by the heavy fabric Verna slips over her foot.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Verna says, and holds up another piece of dark fabric, the match to the one on Sarah’s foot. “It’s the heaviest pair of winter socks I’ve got.”

Sarah mumbles indiscriminately, shifting herself around so she can watch as Verna slip the other one on. It only takes a moment, but it feels like it takes longer and all she wants to do is sleep. Why is Aunt Verna still fiddling with that damn sock? She pulls her foot away from Verna. Get off and let me sleep.

“Alright.” The bed shifts again as Verna stands; already Sarah’s feet don’t feel as frozen; some feeling is starting to return, or so she thinks; it’s hard to tell when they hurt so much.

Then the blankets are pulled out from underneath her. Sarah cringes with a whimper, raising her head as Verna pulls them away, and curls in on herself with a distressed whine—All I want to do is sleep. Why can’t I just sleep?—and then they’re over her again, heavier and thicker than any of her blankets downstairs.

“There you go, sweetheart,” Verna says, gently rubbing Sarah’s shoulder. “Feel better?”

Sarah all but melts into the warmth; she feels her extremities beginning to thaw out. Her fingers and toes are still sore, but at least she can feel them now. She nods.

She’s half asleep as the covers and the mattress shift again, and this time there’s another person in the bed with her, pulling her close and wrapping her in their arms. Sarah blinks sleepily and finds herself looking into Aunt Verna’s dress. She pushes her nose into Verna’s shoulder, wriggling closer. Verna’s hug tightens.

“Oh, my little Sarah.” Verna kisses the top of her head, holds her closer still. “I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you, too, Aunt Verna,” she whispers, and wiggles one more time before she’s settled and comfortable enough.

It’s the warmest she’s been on a winter night in a long, long time.

[deans-baby-momma]

Past Haunts-Winchesters Take Daytona

SURPRISE!!!! I had this since I finished Past Haunts but I kept it a secret so that I could post it as a Christmas gift to all my loyal readers. Hope you enjoy this little look into the life of Dean, Rebecca and Whitney!!!

It's been six months today. Six months since my daughter and I were getting ready for work and school when a simple knock on the front door changed everything. Changed it all, for the better.

To be able to watch from the sidelines as Whitney got to finally know the man who was her father; to finally experience having a male figure in her life was indescribable. 

Those two were like two peas in a pod, though. Similar likes, the same dislikes, an identical warped sense of humor. Once Dean had gotten over- no, that isn't the right wording-since Dean had come to terms with Sam being locked in a cage in Hell, he had jumped right into being a parent, a daddy. And he was killing it!

I hadn't expected to find him in the kitchen every morning, cooking breakfast for us before sending us both off with a kiss and I definitely never dreamed of coming home to a clean house, mowed lawn and that pesky back porch light repaired but during the first whole week of loving with us,  Dean had picked up the slack. I was amazed and very grateful.

Dean and I have slept in the same bed every night since his return but have yet to put a label on what we are. Although, Whitney happily tells anyone and everyone that her parents are together, I'm just unsure. And yes, we've had sex but then again what woman in her right mind could look at him, cuddle up to him and NOT want to have sex with him?

He had gotten a job at a local garage after the first month of being 'home' and had quickly impressed the boss with his knowledge of older vehicles. It seemed as though the mechanics now a days depended on the little computers installed in the newer models to alert them to whatever was wrong, so when older vehicles came across their rack, these young boys were stumped.

During the week after Thanksgiving, the city of Fairfax Indiana got its first snowfall. Everything looked so clean and fresh with the white blanket covering all the blemishes and eyesores around town. And that's the day we found out Dean Winchester doesn't like the cold.

"It's just-" Dean grumbled as he drank his coffee at the head of the table. "-so ridiculous. You have to wear extra layers, watch out for other idiots on the road. Watch where you step. And it's just so cold." He finishes his groaning with a full body shiver.

"Dad you sound like a whiny brat," Whitney banters as she eats her eggs and bacon. "It's wonderful! Everything looks so bright and shiny."

"I need sun and warmth missy," Dean shoots back with a wink. He suddenly sits up straight and looks at me. "Babe, how many days of school until our little girl is on holiday?"

Whitney humphs at being called a little girl, even though she knows Dean only does it to get a rise out of her. The smirk on his face tells me that is exactly the response he expected.

"Uh, nine. I think."

"Eight and a half," Whitney corrects me, standing up to take her plate to the sink. "And the half day is going to be mostly watching movies and not much else."

I look at Dean to see his mind whirling. I could tell he was trying to work something out in his head. I raise an eyebrow in question but only get a smile in response. I shake my head at his antics and stand up to go finish getting ready for work.

Christmas in Florida is distinctly opposite of Christmas in the North. For one, there is no snow for the lights to mirror. The lights are pretty but seem so dull without the reflection. And instead of coats and gloves and hats, people are in swimsuits and shorts, tank tops and flip-flops. A total 180 from what I'm used to in mid-December. I ponder the difference between the two as I lounge on the long beach chair beside Dean's as we watch Whitney frolic in the cool water.

Dean hasn't fully embraced the warmer temperatures as he is still in jeans and his usually two-shirt ensemble.  The only thing missing is the heavy work boots he usually dons; his feet are bare. The sunglasses on his face does little to hide the freckles that have made an appearance the darker his skin tans. I've laid in bed recently, counting the cute little misshapen dots. He is all smiles and happy. I love him so much!

When Dean had first suggested taking a trip down south for Christmas break I was astonished, Whitney was ecstatic. In her 13 year existence, this is the first full-fledged vacation we have ever taken so she was excited and enthusiastic about the chance to take a trip. And when she found out the destination, I didn't think she would survive the 17-hour trip without spending the whole time exploding with glee. Whitney and I spent my whole payday on a new wardrobe for the both of us, getting weird and bizarre looks from other shoppers as we tried to find t-shirts and shorts, bathing suits and sunscreen; during December in Indiana those items were few and far between. I also took a secret trip to the courthouse, getting the paperwork to officially make Whitney a Winchester. All it need is information and signatures from both parents. I plan to surprise Dean with them Christmas morning.

So far, this vacation has been fantastic. We have spent time as a family doing little things, like walking along the beach at sunset searching for seashells, playing mini-golf, spending the day in our hotel room watching old movies and cartoons when the weather took a turn for the worse. It has been a dream come true, something I had never in a million years thought would ever happen. 

Spending time with him and our daughter in what I dubbed as the most magical place on Earth. So what if we're not at Disney World, to me this is the most fascinating time and place; a week spent with my daughter and her father, the love of my life. Life couldn't get any better than this.

I am shaken from my daydreams as I hear Dean growl and begin throwing fictitious daggers with his eyes in the direction of the pool. I turn my head to see a group of teenage boys all surrounding Whitney, who is all smiles at the attention. 

"Calm down honey," I cajole. "We knew this would eventually happen. We can't expect her to be a nun."

"Those boys are too old for her," he defends. "They see an innocent, young girl like her and there's only one thing on their mind." He goes to get up and I reach over to place my hand on his arm, stopping him.

"Give it a minute," I tell him. "I've taught Whitney to take care of herself."

As Dean and I sit there I keep our daughter in my peripheral, just in case one of us needs to step in. Suddenly, Whitney yells out "Jerk!" and slaps the boy who looks to be the protagonist of the crew. I smile as I watch her climb out of the pool and walk toward us. She sits at my feet and wraps her towel around her shoulders.

"You okay darlin'?" her dad asks, his eyes still trained on the gang of boys. They just don't know how many different ways Dean Winchester could murder them and make them all disappear.

"Y-yea," she answers but I can tell she's lying. "They just said some things that weren't nice."

Dean finally turned his eyes toward his daughter, the dangerous glint replaced by concern.  "Baby girl, I can go have a talk with them, if you-"

"No Dean!" she says, standing up. "I don't need my father taking up for me. I'm not a baby!" As Whitney storms out of the pool area, Dean looks at me, at a loss.

"What did I do?"

I stand up and wrap the sarong around my bikini-clad body. "Just let me go talk to her, okay?" I have an idea what is going on and I know having her dad there I'd never get Whitney to open up. I lean down and kiss him and head in the direction our daughter had stomped off.

In the room, Whitney has thrown herself across her bed and is crying into the pillow.

"Honey, what's wrong?" I ask gently because if my suspicions were true, anything could cause her to fly off the handle.

"I don't know," she whines. "I was feeling okay and then all of a sudden, it's like my energy zapped. So I was just floating in the pool, hoping the ache would go away and then those boys came up and started talking to me. And I liked it," she explains as she sits up on the bed. "But then Kyle said something about me being pure and innocent when I told them how old I was and I just lost it. And then I jumped down Dad's throat and he probably hates me now!" She began crying again and I join her on the bed, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and she places her head on my shoulder.

 "Oh baby," I console. "I think it's becoming that time. You're getting ready to start your first period."

She jerks her head up and looks at me. "Really?"

"Yea, we need to go get you some pads and Midol. You're going to start bleeding anytime."

"God, did I just ruin our first vacation?"

"No!" I claim. "You didn't ruin vacation at all, baby. Now, let's get cleaned up and run down the street to the store."

"Moooom! I can't leave the room! What if it starts before we get back?" I chuckle at her wide-eyed expression.

"Okay, okay." I reach over and grab my phone texting Dean to come up to the room. I roll my eyes as I remember the discussion he and I had almost 2 years ago. Never in a million years did I think I would actually be asking this of him but I can't leave my baby.

The look on his face was comical as I whispered my request. He looked terrified and afflicted at the thought of having to buy feminine products. I take screenshots of exactly what he needs to buy and send him on his way, but not before he insists that I remember promising him he would never have to do this particular task.

The rest of the vacation goes off without a hitch. Whitney does begin her first period and requests to spend the rest of our time in Florida in the hotel room, only going out to eat. Dean and I trust her enough to leave her in the room while we go out, exploring not only the beach but the little town we are in. Christmas morning comes and Whitney wakes us up with squeals of delight at the massive amount of presents placed under the decorated fake palm tree in our room.

Dean and I sit on the sofa, drinking coffee and enjoying the look of awe on our daughter's face as she opens her presents. Once finished, she winks at her dad and goes to her bag where she pulls a box from inside. Handing it to him, Whitney steps back as Dean slides off to the floor, getting on one knee.

My hand slaps over my mouth as he clears his throat. I have no idea what he says because my inner voice is chanting 'Oh my god! This can't be happening!' Finally my ears take over and I hear him ask, "Becks, will you marry me?" I nod through the tears and watch as he slips the ring onto my finger. He climbs back onto the couch and wraps his arms around me, only moving one around Whitney when she dog piles on top of us in excitement.

None of us know though, that when we return to Indiana  the past is going to come back to haunt us, in the form of Sam Winchester back from Hell.

Well, there ya go guys! A look into the life of the Winchesters. Hope you have enjoyed this little glimpse. As always, likes and comments are appreciated! And don’t forget to check out my new fic, Rebel Without A Cause, coming January 8th. Love to you all and Merry Christmas!!

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