#I do think there are books for kids which can handle these topics well

[bonebabbles]

wait im sorry. ive never read past the first book of dotc and all my knowledge of it really just comes from your blogs. wh. why did the erins decide to include sexual violence in warriors? like. that seems a little. too much? like all im hearing of dotc is just. terrible shit. i like reading more angst/serious stuff (i wanna say darker but not in the way "dark media" usually means on this site) but this feels like WAYYY to much for a book series meant for kids....... what were they thinking??

I legitimately do not understand what people like about DOTC. You can go back to where I started this re-read, and you can visibly watch my charitability drain as the project goes on.

It feels like literally everything that people say they like about this arc is not there, while they've completely forgotten or misremembered SERIOUSLY awful shit

And now, listen. I'm a huge fan of xenofiction, which is a genre that is full of kid's and teen's media, but I do love more adult fiction. I love nuanced themes, dark subjects, and complicated plots.

DOTC's message is just plain odious. None of what it sets out to say is worth saying, and it's borderline incompetent at even saying it to begin with.

What they want to say with Clear Sky and Slash is that Clear Sky isn't "evil." He's a "fundamentally good person," and all of his intentions were good, so he learned a valuable lesson from all the abuse and murder. To say this, they CONTRAST him to Slash, a REAL evil person, who just loves hurting kids and harassing women. Clear Sky is good because he is not "real evil" like this fake, cartoon caricature we just made up.

There was absolutely zero need for them to write Slash the way they did. They really want you to be distressed for Clear Sky as his wife is assaulted in front of him and hauled off while kicking and screaming, and they decided the best way to do that was pregnant woman pinning face licking. Sexual violence is an easy way to disgust and anger an audience, simple as that.

As a kid you may not realize how messed up it is (though the asks I get on this blog are a testament to how many kids did, but didn't have the words to express their discomfort) but as an adult with your critical thinking on? It hits different.

[vintagegeekculture]

So, a friend of mine on Discord said something interesting, and I feel like you might have thoughts on it. So. What do you think of the idea of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as being "The Shaw Brothers for kids", a sort of gateway drug for "the kung fu genre"?

Not the Shaw Brothers, but Golden Harvest. Let me explain: 

I’m going to sound like a conspiracy theorist when I say this, but I believe the New Line Cinema “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” (1990) movie was actually a money laundering scheme by the Chinese Mafia, specifically, the Sun Yee On Triad. 

Looking into the role of organized crime in martial arts cinema is a rabbit hole that goes very, very, very deep...and comes out somewhere very shocking at the end.

You mention the Shaw Brothers, but there was another Hong Kong Producer who was the only credible rival to the Shaw Brothers (and who eventually surpassed the Shaws) in martial arts movies: Golden Harvest’s Raymond Chow….a man who started off as the Shaw Brothers’ talent division, but who eventually founded his own rival studio to the Shaws (with rumored triad financial backing), and who made Bruce Lee, Angela Mao and Jackie Chan stars. Raymond Chow is widely, and extremely credibly, believed to be a middleman for the Hong Kong Triad, the Sun Yee On, who used Golden Harvest as a front facing money laundering scheme, as claimed by Frederic Dannen in "Hong Kong Babylon," and Yiu Kong Chiu in "The Triads as Business," books I recommend if you are at all interested in the topic of organized crime in the Hong Kong film industry.

Raymond Chow was also the producer and primary funder of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies. I mean, what does it mean when your movie is entirely produced and funded by a guy well known for being a triad middleman and money launderer?

And all of this happened at New Line Cinema, a borderline independent film company…one known for having dodgy financials it’s entire existence, no less, which ultimately doomed it? One of the most extraordinary things about the 1990 Ninja Turtles movie is that it was, essentially, an independent film. New Line would later become a powerhouse as a studio and created Lord of the Rings, but at the time, it was a mainly low rent operation, rather like Cannon films, known for the success of the slasher series “Nightmare on Elm Street.” So yes, I do believe "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" (1990) was a money laundering scheme by the Chinese Mafia.

The triads in Hong Kong, Macao, and Taiwan take enormous interest in financing martial arts movies for the same reason that they take a tremendous interest in financing porn movies: they’re quick, cheap, dirty, and can be used as a mechanism for laundering money, and a way to claim money from illegal sources (say, heroin) comes from a clean and legal source that can be claimed on taxes, like say, a movie studio. In addition, Hong Kong’s strict rating system, the Category III (equivalent to a far stricter R-rating) meant that very violent movies were handled in ways that were outside the law in ways similar to pornography. And according to several Senate investigations in 1991 ("Hearings on Asian Organized Crime"), the triads were actively involved in money laundering as well outside of Hong Kong, including currency trading and real estate, and the idea they could back a studio is entirely possible.

Everyone working in Hong Kong cinema has a story of dealing with the triads, who are interwoven into the city. Anita Mui's manager was was shot dead by mafiosos. Jimmy Wang Yu, the first Kung Fu star, was a suspected member of the Bamboo Union triad, and once borrowed money from one triad to pay another....and may have used his reported connections with the Triads to get Jackie Chan out of his initial contract with Golden Harvest, a favor Jackie repaid. Golden Harvest studios were actually firebombed in 1984, an event suspected to be due to Triad activity. Raymond Chow’s fellow producer and good friend who discovered Steven Chow, film producer Charles Heung, is well known to be the son of Heung Chin, who founded the Sun Yee On Triad, the largest in Hong Kong with over 25,000 members. And you don’t have to take my word for it; a US Senate Committee in 1991 on Asian Organized Crime identified Cheung as a leader of the Sun Yee On along with his brothers. Because of his association with Charles Heung and the Sun Yee On, Steven Chow, director of Kung Fu Hustle, cannot enter Canada legally.

Jackie Chan asserted Raymond Chow’s triad connections in his autobiography, and also claimed that he only hired triad members and other people who were mobbed up at Golden Harvest. One example would be producer Ng See Yuen, who produced Once Upon a Time in China for Golden Harvest, and who Jet Li refused to work with ever again after his manager was assassinated by triad gunmen (Jet Li blamed Ng See Yuen for his manager's death).

There's also Lo Wei, a Shaw Brothers director and known “Red Pole” enforcer of the Sun Yee On Triad, who came over to Golden Harvest, where he directed Bruce Lee’s Chinese Connection and Big Boss, and also directed Jackie Chan’s earliest “period” historical movies for GH. Jackie Chan, in his autobiography, stated that the reason he initially left Hong Kong to go to the United States for an American career was because Lo Wei, his director on Laughing Hyena, put a hit out on him for refusing to make Laughing Hyena 2, and Jackie had to flee the city when Lo Wei sent gunmen to his house to abduct him. When arriving in the United States, he had to avoid some men with machine guns at the airport. To this day, whenever possible, Jackie Chan goes out in public armed for fear of gangsters. 

Even Jackie Chan though, never made the assertion that Raymond Chow and the Sun Yee On had Bruce Lee killed. This is important to mention because if you talk to any Chinese person, nearly all of them believe with unshakable, absolute certainty that the Chinese Mafia killed Bruce Lee, which is literally the plot of Game of Death (which, incidentally, Raymond Chow produced). Everyone around Bruce was mobbed up, because everyone in the Hong Kong film industry was mobbed up; in fact, it’s an open question how much it existed for its own sake. It’s notable Bruce Lee died at the home of Betty Lo Ting Pei, Golden Harvest actress, and his known mistress…who was married to a triad gangster. It’s also known that the first person that Betty Lo Ting Pei called when Bruce died was not medical services but Raymond Chow, something that to this day, she has not attempted to explain. 

It can be hard to imagine what the motive is for Raymond Chow and the triads to kill Bruce Lee. After all, wouldn’t Bruce Lee be more useful to Raymond Chow alive than dead? I never saw the angle, here. But then, you consider that in the last few months of his life, Bruce Lee started to set the stage for his transition to behind the scenes roles like producer, and was assembling a lot of stunt talent around him (a lot of productions down the pipeline intended to have Bruce Lee in producer roles, like Circle of Iron). The rumor among the stunt players, as recounted by Sammo Hung, was that Bruce was attempting to form his own stunt and film production company (as Chiba later did successfully in Japan) and that would involve organizing and peeling off half the talent in Hong Kong….in a deeply triad controlled industry, no less. There was also a story recounted by witnesses that Bruce Lee, a temperamental and explosively violent man, physically assaulted Raymond Chow in his office with punches and kicks when he heard Chow had two sets of books in their shared production company, as Bruce was always keen to keep the triads out of his films. Ten days later, Bruce Lee was dead. And for weeks before his death, Lee told his friends "Hong Kong is getting too hot, I have to get out."

And you know something? A Ninja Turtles movie from 1990 is probably the least of it. In 2020, a few documents were declassified by the Taiwanese government that showed that the members of the Bamboo Union Triad had 19 top governmental positions in Taiwan from 1955-1984 (the era when Taiwan was in a complete state of military rule), including the National Security Bureau and all branches of the armed forces. In other words, Taiwan during the military rule era wasn't just corrupted by the triads, the triads were the government.

I never cease to be amazed at the incuriousness of the journalistic professions. Governments don't declassify documents - especially something as damning as triad involvement in government - unless they have to. So why would the Tsai Ing-Wen government reveal this now in 2020, especially when anti-corruption is the driving force of Taiwanese politics, and anti-corruption sentiment pushed the KMT out of power since the 90s? Outsiders believe that the single biggest question in Taiwanese politics is their relationship with the mainland. Kinda...the status quo is more or less a settled question. It's actually anti-corruption and anti-triad infiltration, which is why the DPP are the ruling party now.

The answer, I suspect, is that the triads are no longer working with the Taiwanese government, but with the mainland government. In the 1980s, Wong Man Fong, editor of the Xinhua paper of Hong Kong, said in several interviews he was asked by the People's Republic of China to reach out to the triads to help make a deal: no government interference in their activities, if they pledge to keep order in the city after the handover in 1997. I strongly suspect the mainland now has a similar arrangement with the Bamboo Union, Green Gang, and the Si Hai Bang they did in Hong Kong, especially since so much money is going back and forth with the release of trade to the mainland. In other words, the triads in Taiwan are active agents of the PRC.

Backdoor deals between government and the mob aren't out of the question, just ask the CIA, who used Giancana Crime Family assassins sent to kill Castro as a key plank of the Bay of Pigs Invasion, the role of the mafia in the Kennedy Assassination, or how control of opium was a key under-the-table reason for the invasion of Afghanistan.

What I suspect happened is, the Taipei government is turning on organized crime now after decades and decades of ludicrous and obvious corruption, because to the triads, the money to be made with the mainland and unification is far more lucrative. It's no coincidence that the largest pro-unification party in Taiwan is led by a triad gangster who spent time in jail for racketeering, Chang An Lo, nicknamed "the White Wolf." Like John Gotti, everyone knows he's a mobster and that's even part of the White Wolf's coolness and appeal (if you could vote for Tony "Scarface" Montana, boy, I bet a lot of guys would), but nobody can touch him. In fact, combined with how the "light world" financial institutions are intertwined along with the underworld, there's an argument to be made that the reason the PRC hasn't tried to take Taiwan is that for all intents and purposes, they already have it.

In other words, the triads have gone from using the Ninja Turtles to money launder to essentially setting global geopolitics.

[strawberrymochin]

Springtime Fushiguros♪

Context-: exploring the memories of childhood of fushiguros, marking the spring time of you and satoru gojo.

Dentist :- Gojo suggests going to the dentist to pull out Megumi's loose tooth.

A lot of things bother Megumi fushiguro. The zenin kid has beef with pretty much everything, such as socializing, loud people, and gojo satoru.

He recently developed a new ick for anything sweet, after gojo's repeated attacks on his candies.

From the past few days, this list of megumi's discommodes has added a new hassle to deal with.

One of his teeth from his upper jaw has been annoying him for quite a while. First of all it was mild, almost not noticeable, thus he shrugged it off. Then, it got slightly inconvenient, the tingly sensation he would feel while eating or having a cold drink was irritating.

Though he still didn't inform anything about it to you, he thought the pain would go away naturally and it's maybe because he ain't brushing that hard.

And as the thought process of a 7 year kid suggests, last night he brushed his teeth extra hard thinking it might help and subsequently this morning he woke up with a pain even more worse.

Megumi came out of his room, which he shares with Tsumiki, he has been in his room for half of the morning pretending to be asleep, debating with himself whether he should go and inform you or maybe wait a bit more for the pain to magically disappear.

And when he finally couldn't handle it anymore, wanting you to get his of his problem he couldn't find you.

'Whatcha doin' kid?' asks gojo, closing the refrigerator, after taking out a bottle of water to sip. He had been noticing megumi for a while, going in and out of your bedroom. He assumes Megumi wants breakfast, opening the refrigerator once again to take out the carton of milk, the loaf of bread and the jar of jam.

'brush your teeth if you haven't, till then I will get your breakfast ready.' he says, winking at the kid proudly, thinking he's such a good guardian, picking up on megumi's necessities. After all he had spent $531 on buying all those parenting books aren't worthless. So what if, he had only read 6 out of those 57 books? He would have scoffed at toji, teasing him how he knows megumi better than him.

'I don't want breakfast.' said Megumi plainly, what? An invisible arrow passes through gojo's heart, how can he be wrong? He turns around with a swift motion, discarding the breads on the counter, which he was about to put in the toaster.

Megumi isn't even looking at him, he's busy staring at the clock. 'why won't you have breakfast? Are you implying that I can't even toast a bread?'

'maybe. Where are y/n san and tsumiki?'

'out for grocery—wait don't change the topic, what do you mean by mayb—' he was about to ramble on when he noticed megumi a little more clearly.

He walked up to him, bending himself to his level, pulling at his blindfold, eyeing him as he removes them completely. Megumi's one hand is cupping his cheek, while the other is curled into a tight fist.

'You've got a teeth problem?'

'how do you kno—ah—hurts...'

'yes! I knew it. My days of reading those books aren't useless.' he felt pleased at himself, wanting to perform a ballet right now. However he calmed himself, taking a look at megumi glowering at him.

'open your mouth wide, lemme see. Which one? This?' megumi nods at him, as he figures out, he has a loose teeth.

The first one.

'you've a loose teeth. It will fall out on its own.'

'HUH?!'

'it's normal. A new one will grow out from the bare spot.' He said pushing a bit at the teeth to see how loose it is.

'ahh hurts!'

'can't do much about that.'

Megumi tucks at his sleeve, it's only been 15 minutes since gojo announced his teeth will fall out. 'what now?'

He stays quiet for a while, head low, then slowly murmurs, 'it hurts, can't you do something about it?'

'well then, open your mouth, lemme pull it out.'

'what! No!'

'you want it out right? This is the only option then.' gojo shrugs.

'.....'

'or else....'

'or else?'

'we have to go to the dentist. They will take it out with a tool, like an big sized tweezer. Let's go, shall we?'

'Hell no.'

'then lemme pull it out. Won't hurt much i swear. Open your mouth wide.'

'aaa—' Megumi opens his mouth hesitatingly, unsure what his Sensei might do, but he definitely doesn't want to pull it out with a tweezer.

'Megumi, what do you want for lunch?' gojo asks diverting megumi's attention, and before he could answer, gojo slowly pressures his index and thumb on his teeth plucking it out with little effort and a 'ow' from megumi.

'see here you go.' standing up proudly handing up his teeth in the air in victory, when megumi kicks him, 'ahh, what was that for?' he asks.

'you said it wouldn't hurt. Moreover it feels weird and blood is coming out.'

'you will get used to it. There's still a whole set of teeth to fall.'

Megumi's mouth fall wide open, at his sensei's words, he wishes the next time its you getting rid of it gently, like you do for other things. And not gojo coming up with more ideas to pluck his teeth off.

You came home to a proud gojo, flexing megumi's first loose tooth, he pulled out. He even suggested preserving it with raisin as a memory. You chuckle as Megumi shows you the gap between his teeths and how weird it feels.

'hey babe! You know what, the next time he gets another loose tooth lemme use my cursed energy to get it out.'

[toskarin]

THE WAY OF ALL FLESH 《万人の途》

You need not hurry, We've got all the time in the world.

My memory has failed sadly of late.

He is violently pessimistic.

It is wildly unlikely.

There is all the difference in the world between the two.

make an unholy fuss about very little.

Dear me! What a sorry mess everything is in!

The painting is a rank imitation.

a gross mistake.

a crushing bore.

with no earthly reason.

be crass ignorance.

every trick in the book.

They have all the advantages in the world.

go native. go bust.

The proposal came one vote short of unanimous approval.

I can't reach the buttons on the back. Will you do them for me?

So many movies have had this plot that it has been done to death.

Things don't go so well in real life.

It will go hard with him if he is found out.

It makes no difference no matter which way the election goes.

some people still can go without paying taxes.

look full in the face.

The sun shone in our faces.

One and one makes one.

These make a pair.

make the passing mark.

The seal is missing on the document.

The lace on one of my shoes had god undone.

I wouldn't want to be quoted on this.

I'm not much on putting those things into words.

be short on imagination.

It seems he got mixed up on his instructions.

Who is going to take you up on your offer!

He erred grossly on that problem.

a toy balloon on a string.

a dog on a chain.

be a black mark.

He is the sort of man whose personal charm grows on you on acquaintance.

Wherever did you put?

It was a good joke, but fell flat on him.

The mood grew on me.

My mind was not on it.

be borne in on one.

Shame on you!

an experiment on animals.

It is too late to perform an operation on him.

You ought to be harder on him.

Acids act upon metals.

It is unfair on you.

His voice grates upon my ear.

The drinks are on me.

Do you know you are taking a great deal on yourself?

Don't tell on me.

She seems to have something on him.

play a neat trick on a person.

get die on a person.

They have nothing on us.

Age has begun to tell on me.

No use trying to pull such a trick on me.

be on trial.

He is unable to hold anything on his stomach.

The scene was on.

I lay awake thinking over it all last night.

I had to rack my brains over that problem.

She hesitated over her answer.

ride roughshod over the objection.

Don't pull that line on me.

pull a sanctimonious face.

He never pulls his rank.

We are running short of gas.

Time is running short on me.

One's devil's luck runs out.

Finally she ran out of patience.

The watch has run down.

let one's imagination run riot.

run short of topics for conversation.

That is not the way the world is run.

run a machine at a high voltage.

run a person on a lie detector.

leave a motor running.

He stands small chance against you.

Kids run a high temperature over nothing in particular and snap out of it.

investigate a matter to the ground.

criticize severely.

You are worn to a shadow.

boring to distraction.

It has been done to death.

The bag was filled to bursting with sugar.

What are you seeing?

They were killed to a man.

It is done to a turn.

There is another side to the coin.

There's not enough depth to the story.

There is more to it than that.

There was no jerk to his motions.

That is about all there is to it.

The words had an ironical ring.

Have you any clue to work on?

The brakes refused to work.

The machine was still in fine working order.

The plan worked remarkably well.

It is very well in theory, but will it work?

His reason ceased to work.

Flattery will not work with him

It might work and again it might not work

I'm afraid it won't work so well.

Our plan worked successful.

The trick won't work with him.

The handle doesn't work.

The warning seemed to work most effectively.

Her face worked fiercely.

The screw had worked loose.

work a spear through one's hands.

They will work you to death.

He worked on a smile that didn't quite come off.

There is no knowing how that will work itself out.

This problem will not work out.

The safe opened to the key.

a ticket to a movie.

exit to applause.

The medicine worked into the wounded skin.

Oh! I'm inside out!

You are unzipped.

No stopover on this ticket.

try to enter a country on an expired passport.

I'll come again when you are free.

The question is who will bell the cat.

The fact that he was sick was not very impressive to her.

You asked for it.

untie a tight knot.

The girl couldn't word her feelings well.

Does he really mean it? I wonder.

Let him do his worst.

a would-be kindness.

Did she agree with you?

Turn your face toward me.

I don't think I can do it,but I'll try.

What is true of them is equally true of you.

They trumped up a charge to put him in jail.

Think it over carefully before you decide.

What are you talking about?

He bothered me with stupid questions.

Can it really be mine?

Don't calculate on me helping you.

No one called my attention to it.

Watch when you talk about religion.

You have the advantage of me.

They shouted to the utmost of their strength.

She never gave utterance to her personal feelings.

There were very few passengers in the train.

How much use did you get out of the machine?

It's not us that tried to upset their plans.

There was a chasm yawning in front of us.

Let me see,where was I?

Where did the plan go wrong?

work out one's idea of one's role.

To live is to suffer.

This is playing with words.

know what you mean.

What do you see?

You ought to have been more careful.

You need not have come.

Who do you think you are?

I have no idea what the word means.

ARRIVE ON THE EDGE

YOU RECAPTURED KARNEL OF THE LOST ARTICLE

AND THE ORDER IS TOTALLY OVER.

[yuridovewing]

i understand the frustration with “i made this gay pairing cis x trans so they can still have biological babies” with no thought to other methods and how ppl assume thats the case when it comes to mothpool aus where mothwing is also the mother of the three, but also…. idk i kinda dont give a shit if someone wants to do that and i dont really think its inherently transphobic as long as its handled with care and respect.

what really concerns me about this debate is how some people are adamant that you cannot portray trans people having biological children in media or youre being disrespectful. and im gonna say as a nonbinary person who doesnt want children for themself- thats kinda fucking weird? like i understand that for some people, theyre trans themselves and theyre speaking from a place of dysphoria, and i absolutely get that, which is why i think the topic should be handled with nuance and diversity in trans characters, but like…. guys. pregnant trans men exist irl. trans women get people pregnant irl. trans ppl’s ability and right to parent and have biological children are being debated irl. we get denied the opportunity to adopt as well.

in a climate like this, are we SURE we want the stance on rewrites and headcanons in the silly cat books to be “if you portray trans characters having children, especially with a gay couple, youre a transphobic freak no matter what!” does it really matter? especially if its being done by a trans person handling the topic with nuance who has a lot of trans characters with varying perspectives?

obviously yes, remember that thats not the only way certain gay couples can have kids, remember that not every trans person is fully comfortable with it and keep that in mind, remember that surrogacy and adoption are also perfectly valid ways to give fan babies- but remember that there are OPTIONS. not that you need to condemn the idea of transgender parents in the first place unless they fit the very specific criteria of “proper transgender representation” and anything that dares deviate from that is proof the op is a transphobic monster (bonus points if theyre a trans creator bc i mostly see trans people getting shit for this and it kinda pisses me off. although idm if cis people do it either as long as theyre handling it with respect)

[necros-writing-stuff]

Can I get some kinda Eden Fluff when it's period time? I'm having particularly shitty pre- cramps that are dropping me into a fetal position pretty quickly.

MORE EDEN PANICKING POVS HELL YEAH.

He's lost. Well and truly, lost. When you've spent most of your life living alone, and have never had a uterus or any of those parts associated with it, periods and how to handle them are alien.

His books are no help, it wasn't exactly a proper topic of discussion back when they were written, most mentions of it being something like "But alas, she was not with child as she had wished, for her bleeding time came as it always did."

So, when his darling spouse can barely get out of bed and is walking around hunched up like an arthritic 90 year old, his first (horrified) thought is food poisoning.

"Here, some bread." He offers it to you as you curl up on the bed once more after returning from the outhouse. "It helps."

You only look confused as you take it and nipple on the slice. "Bread? Really? I heard ginger helps, and a hot water bottle. Even orgasms. Never heard bread, though."

"... how are orgasms meant to help with food poisoning?"

Eden feels like a fool when you burst out laughing, clutching your tummy harder and letting out little "Ow,"s in between breaths.

"It's not food poisoning," you finally get out on a shaky breath, "it's period cramps."

Ohhhh. Yeah, he still doesn't understand.

"You get cramps when you have a period?"

"Well, yeah. Cause the uterus contracts and squeezes the blood out like a sponge."

He almost shivers at that. The thought of an organ just hurting when you've done nothing to the damn thing seems cruel.

"Do we have any painkillers?"

With a nod, Eden fetches his box of medicine he'd grabbed from the pharmacy. There's paracetamol, ibuprofen, codeine Bailey gave him cause the damn hospital in town requires a prescription. He lets you have your pick of which as he fetches some water to wash it down with.

"How long do they last?"

"Depends. Can be just at the start, can last a few days into it. Sometimes they get really bad and they're all the way through. And don't get me started on the lower back pain, either."

It can come with back pain? The animals in heat he sees don't seem to be in pain when they bleed. Why the hell do humans get pain?

"Oh, and sometimes you can get headaches too."

"I'm glad I don't have periods."

"You think this is bad, imagine giving birth."

Yeah, no. He's fine right now. He wants kids, sure, but thinking about labour sends his head reeling.

"Did they not teach you about this stuff in science class?" You reach for his hand and place it under your shirt, holding it to your tummy. "You're staying here by the way, no work today. Your hands are warm and it helps."

Eden almost protests before he remembers the food stores are stocked and there's enough firewood for the rest of the week.

"Like I said, I wasn't very good in school. Probably slept through that lesson." He climbs back into bed behind you, spooning you and keeping his apparently warm hands pressed to your stomach.

"... you said orgasms help?"

"Later," you giggle, "when it hurts a bit less. Right now I feel like I'll throw up on you if you jostle me around too much."

"So does the blood like... just drip down your leg? Like a wolf?"

"No, I bought pads, they're in my drawer. Might need to pick some more up, though."

"Oh."

He isn't quite sure he knows what a pad is.

[circular-bircular]

Hi, we are a traumgenic system and we want to get into the field of special ed. However, we find it scary to get a real job as a system. We want to ask how you guys are doing with being a 6th grade teacher (thank you for being a teacher!) And if you have any tips for us. Thanks

Hey there! A new ask today, since I haven’t closed my ask box here :P

Happy to give insight into teaching as a system. It’s genuinely one of my favorite topics. Firstly, bless your soul for going into special ed; that’s something I don’t think I’d be able to do, for a lot of reasons. Take this all with a grain of salt, as I’m not special ed, but from my experience:

SpED has a lot of paperwork. Like. A lot. I can’t stand needless forms and red tape, so that would drive me way more up the wall than the shit I already have to do as a teacher. There’s also a lot of repetition; hot sheets that spell out packets of info from info you got separately and had to skim down twice. Ough.

SpED hits conflicting needs issues for me, primarily with my autism. I can’t handle one-on-one with autistic students without draining myself severely. Now imagine a caseload of 30 students. 🫡 I salute any and all SpED teachers.

SpED is booked. I get 2 planning periods every day, one of which usually has a meeting. My SpED teachers usually are permitted two… but rarely do they actually have those periods, because when they have no direct classes, they’re asked by other teachers to help provide accommodations. That’s so we can legally meet IEP/504 requirements. I already do so much work at home due to a lack of time at school. I can’t imagine how much the SpED teachers do.

None of that is meant to scare you away; it’s just some things I’ve noticed as a 6th grade ELA teacher with frequent co-taught classes. It’s why I’ve leaned further away from SpED since starting my teaching career — but I’m only me, and certainly not you. If you have a passion for it, there is absolutely no harm in diving in and trying.

For me, teaching has been going remarkably well, and my system really doesn’t impact that much. The most impact it has is that I struggle more with my memory. So… if you do too, ask for help! Reminders, calendar invites, etc.

Here’s some of the tips that came to my mind:

Get to know the kids. They are bundles of joy, and I mean that genuinely. They have so much to share and it’s always so good. Plus, if you don’t have a relationship with them, then straight up, they have no reason to listen to you.

Get to class on time. For fucks sakes, that’s what my co-teacher cannot seem to be able to do. Every SpED teacher I know says it’s because they take their planning time in hallway transitions, catching a quick chat — and honestly, that’s fine. The issue arises when it’s 20 minutes into my 47 minute class and I still have no co-teacher. If you have to miss class-time, call the teacher you’re with and let them know there’s going to be a delay — BEFORE the class starts, whenever possible. Just… in general-

Clear communication. Just. Clear communication, with staff and students, is vital.

I’m not really sure what else, SpED specifically. I just… really hope it all goes well for you!! Teaching really is not that scary, even if it is hard. You’ve got this! Let me know if you have anymore questions, I am thrilled to answer.

(And thanks for the compliment :) )

[forestdeath1]

Re: Dumbledore headcanons reading like conspiracy theories. I one hundred percent agree. People go down some insane spirals, where they remove themselves further and further from any reasonable interpretation of canon events as described.

The thing that gets me most about it is just how inconsistent the theories often are within themselves. Dumbledore is somehow a super genius who knows everything about everybody and his only goal is to... idk, furhter his own fame, I guess? Become more powerful? But then he doesn't USE the fact that he knows everything about everybody and can manipulate any event towards any outcome in order to do thta except to like. Put Harry in uncofortable situations year after year? For what?

This is a man who could have been the Minister for Magic if he had ever indicated that he wanted that position. He's already a beloved war hero and highly respected for his abilities. What, exactly, do people even think he's trying to accomplish by psychologically torturing Harry and probably causing the rise of Voldemort in the first place and, I don't know, sacrificing children to the blood god, probably.

Like, this idea that he knows everything and can predict how everything is going to go all the time is so ridiculous to me. It is very clearly something that Harry THINKS when he is a kid (even speculating on whether Dumbledore wanted him to go after Quirrell) but I've never read that as anything but a childish need to have an adult around who has a handle on things. Dumbledore himself keeps saying in books five and six that he doesn't know everything and he makes mistakes. His ability to predict Voldemort is fifty percent having a spy and fifty percent hard work over a long time to understand the man as well as he possibly can. He simply doesn't have a time to build a dossier like that on everybody he meets.

Sorry for the rant, I apparently had a lot to say about this topic. I always kind of wish that if people want to make him a villain, they at least do it properly: a man who has managed to fool an entire country for fifty years and is widely beloved -- with unexpected, loyal supporters in many places -- despite being secretly evil would be a scary villain to take on. Instead people somehow make him stupid and very easily foiled on top of everything at which point I have to ask... how did he even get this far?

For what?

Obviously, Dumbledore is just EVIL. This EVIL person refused all real positions of power and stays in his shabby Hogwarts, where he can easily be discredited and lose power, and makes genius cunning plans, simply because he’s evil and a psychopath. He makes Harry search for Horcruxes because he obviously enjoys watching Harry suffer. Dumbledore knew everything about the Horcruxes from the start but didn’t want to do it himself. It’s like a hunger game, he sits and watches from above as Harry runs after Horcruxes, a vile manipulator. And Voldemort isn’t bad, Dumbledore made him that way.

It reminds me of "XXX are ACTUALLY evil and were created by a secret government, you're being MANIPULATED" lmao

I think, most people can’t forgive him for "neglecting" Harry’s emotional state and personal well-being. For them, personal well-being is so much more important than everything else that anyone who threatens someone’s personal well-being isn’t just a person, they are an evil psychopath. According to the narrative, Harry is the only one who can save their lousy world and thousands of people, and they think that Dumbledore should have hidden Harry from all harm and sent him to Mallorca, and then watch as Muggle-borns and Muggles are genocided. Then he wouldn’t be an evil psychopath.

Dumbledore is emotionally detached, yes, and he’s not perfect, but for example, to say that Aberforth is kinder than Dumbledore because Aberforth took care of Harry – what are they measuring kindness with? How warmly you are dressed and fed? They don’t care that people around them are dying, right? Aberforth is not the kindest person, he’s just afraid of moral responsibility and doesn’t really care about the people in the WW.

There’s no such thing as a mass of people, every mass is made up of individuals. But people often forget about it. That’s why people sympathise more with Harry because they see his suffering on every page. But there are also hundreds, if not thousands, of Muggle-borns, half-bloods and Muggles who suffer, die and are tormented every day. But they don’t matter, right? There’s no book written about them.

Sirius, for example, also thinks that the well-being of others is more important than personal well-being (his "conversation" with twins). Harry thinks so too. I don’t understand why people think Harry would refuse to search for Horcruxes. He’s not the type of person who would enjoy life while others are dying. He cares deeply for others, and this sense of responsibility runs right through his heart and it’s clear from the very first books.

The trolley problem is thought to be "unsolvable" among people, but 60% of professional philosophers think that you should flick the lever. This is the essence of moral responsibility for our actions. Refusing to flick the lever and letting five people die instead of one isn’t good, it’s moral irresponsibility. Aberforth actually creates much more evil than Dumbledore. And many studies have shown that about 80% of people will flick the lever. Bit this number drops when this one person is someone close to them. That’s why Dumbledore is an evil psychopath to them, they can’t understand how he could not "care" about Harry (but he actually did care, he just wasn't emotionally close to him).

[fairytale-poll]

MOD'S CHOICE POLL

Mod's own propaganda under the cut:

Sasha as Red Riding Hood:

During submissions, I became so absolutely excited when I saw this pop up. I don't know who decided to submit it, but they unlocked some childhood memories for me. Back when I was a child, my family visited Pakistan (my parent's country of origin) for the entire summer. One day I, bored, asked for some movies to watched and my parents and uncle brought back some clearly bootlegged DVDs dubbed in Hindi/Urdu, and Bratz Kids Fairy Tales was one of them. I watched it so many times, you have no idea- I think that I might have wrecked the whole DVD with how much I watched it. (A similar thing happened later on when I obtained a clearly bootlegged copy of Bratz Fashion Pixie too but that's another, non-Red Riding Hood related story.) I wasn't surprised that it was eliminated right off the bat, but my childhood nostalgia dictated I put it here, or else I would be betraying the 7-year-old in me.

Shang, Tao, and Paotze:

Another childhood favorite of mine. This picture book has such beautiful art and I remember being very surprised by the story as a child. I found a PDF of it online to reread when the contest started and honestly it still holds up. The three sisters that are the Red Riding Hood in the story I feel are genuinely very clever. And for nothing else, look this one up solely for it's beautiful art which is just breath-taking whether you're a child or an adult!

Lamb:

Not going to lie I never played this game. My good friend who I adore submitted this to the poll and it immediately got eliminated and I just felt bad lol. But it does look cool & I trust their taste so I do think that this game is great. I want to play it but I am really bad at getting myself to play games.

Aku:

Samurai Jack is a CLASSIC and I dare you to not watch this clip and crack up. Mako was a gift of voice acting and I miss him so much. Also this episode is just pretty amusing.

Amy Lee:

My sister was actually the one to submit this and I will use her own propaganda here: "Evanescence was a voice of a generation." Honestly this song is kind of just okay, there are better Evanescence songs, but got to respect the effort they put into the music video. Who can resist to choose Amy Lee anyway?

The Path sisters:

Like many people who know this game, I know it through Izzzyzzz's two video essays on it. I didn't play the game afterwards, but I did watch some play-throughs since I don't play many games + it seemed mostly like a walking simulator anyway so I felt like I got the same effect. It is AMAZING and has so much story and analysis and I love shit like that... In particular, Scarlet, Ruby, and Rose are my favorites whose stories really resonated with me, even if I haven't exactly gone through their life experiences. Ginger too. And there's some really horrific imagery in Robin's...I would recommend everyone find a way to experience this game-- whether that's playing it, watching Izzzyzzz's videos, or finding a walk-through/analysis of it, it's worth it!

Lisette:

So this manga is sort of obscure but it is also sort of nostalgic to me. Well, nostalgic by proxy. My sister read it when I was younger and told me some details about it and for some reason it stuck with me. Like??? For no reason. It's not even that good lmao. The first chapter right off the bat is pretty edgy & handles sensitive topics very badly. But goddamn if I do not think about random elements of the story for no reason. I don't really remember shit about Lisette but hey this picture of her looks really cool.

Red:

If you notice a theme among these being "nostalgia" you would be right, as this was another nostalgic offering from my childhood that I would watch semi-annually. I was also fond of the sequel, though I thought it felt like a different series than the first one. (Which isn't unusual with animated sequels to popular movies, but the fact that the sequel was set-up by the ending of the first one implies it was planned? Weird). But anyway Red is iconic and funny and voiced by Anne Hathaway and also her sad emo song "Red is Blue" sometimes still gets stuck in my head, so take that as you will.

Chacha:

I know absolutely nothing about this series. But it looks very cute so I like it. I love cute magical girls they deserve the world. Also I looked it up and apparently the Studio who did the Akazukin Chacha anime would later do the Yu-Gi-Oh animes from the 2000s and 2010s, so there's the obligatory mention of nostalgia.

[runningfrom2am]

HE ALMOST KILLED HIMSELF- i mean, i guess that’s a skill too. not everyone can fail at poisoning the wrong cup lmaoo.

i just love the way you show how coriolanus acts with his emotions rather than mind. he deepens the conversation about his mother and sister even though it will hurt- because he is emotional. he doesn’t change his mind about the murder even though her father could be so valuable as a doctor- because he is emotional. coryo doesn’t take action for the most beneficial outcome but the one where he will feel the best.

thank you for advancing the timeline!! i like that the pregnancy is after they both have received their respectable positions. i doubt he would be thinking about a child before becoming the president and she would want to give her all to her first few games as the head gamemaker.

did she know about the murder of her father though? if she didn’t -beforehand or right after-, do you think she figured it out? maybe her mother or brother would imply it? how would she feel? what would she do?

okay yes let’s get into this so minor spoilers for the original books series below so i’m gonna cut it!!

so yes firstly i don’t recall if you’ve mentioned having read the books or not but i tried to include what his MO is in the books! literally that he always drinks out of the same cup first so they feel safe to do the same but HE is given an antidote. i get why they didn’t include this in the movies but i do really wish they had!

THEN yes this is an extremely emotional topic for him and i wish i elaborated more on what his real (known or unknown to him) motivations were even in killing her father. i think so much of it was protecting r from him, even if he knew he could truly help with her pregnancy and even the delivery. his need to protect her overrides that “risk”, because i think in that moment of panic, since he didn’t know her father would want to help, coryo couldn’t say yes even if he wanted to because he would be running the new risk of r being upset with him for allowing her father anywhere near her AND their child. but, i think consciously, he didn’t consider it for even a moment even knowing that happened to his mother bc above all, he was not about to let that pos anywhere near his child and he knew you wouldn’t either. discarding his and r’s own trauma, it came down to protecting their son.

moving on to the timeline, you are 100% correct. i put in the tags that it’s 10 years after they left twelve, and by then they would both be well established in their careers and their new home and comfortable with their lifestyle of “fame” (for lack of a better term), where eyes are on them constantly. they knew they had to (and wanted to) have kids but i think timing was very important to them. the one thing i DONT know which i would love to hear your thoughts on is how she would handle her role as head game maker while pregnant. obviously hormones are CRAZY when you’re expecting, and i’m wondering whether or not it would even be in her nature to view the tributes as what they are: children. maybe while she’s pregnant she withdraws from the extremely personal connection she’s developed with her games because she can’t imagine her child going through something like that even before they were born. of course she would have to still control every detail, but maybe she wouldn’t even watch that year. idk. just something that’s been eating away at me lol.

FINALLY when it comes to whether or not she knew, i feel like coryo would tell her not long after, but probably lie. i think he knew that her brother would likely tell her, so he had to jump on that first and come up with a reasonable explanation. he knows she hated her father, but i think just like i mentioned before that he would be scared that she would be upset with him for actually killing the man who raised her. would she be mad? probably not, considering she has helped him cover up murders more than once (mayfair and lucy gray, one of which being extremely personal to both of them), but he couldn’t be careful enough because he loves her so much that he can’t fathom her being any kind of upset toward him or his actions. i think coryo would take the route of telling her he died of some kind of illness, maybe the flu, taking a play right out of dr. gaul’s book to gauge her reaction. i think r would be skeptical, since she knows every move dr. gaul had in her arsenal, but he would be too scared to tell her outright even if he knew she would see right through it. i don’t think even then they would talk about it. i think she would smile and nod, giving him a kiss on the cheek and they would go about their day as normal. if she was going to be told the full story and find something to be upset about, it would be that he drank the poison first before giving it to her father.

[rachelcommitscrimes]

im gonna rant abt how much i hate the ghost eyes fandom (as a former fan) bc im just kinda mad rn

so uhh yeah major TW for s3lf h4rm, romanticizing mental illness, su1c1de, sadomasochism, infantilization, and rlly just anything related to that

(also sorry if this looks weird idk how to separate stuff on tumblr)

also DO NOT harass the creator or anyone mentioned here, you’re no better than them if you do that

——————————————————————————

ok so i read ghost eyes like 2 years ago but i stopped reading about the point where they were on that field trip. i still think it’s a nice comic and i’m sure the author is a cool person, also the art style is awesome. but the fandom is so fucking gross that i’m surprised more people haven’t talked about it. 

for some backstory on this, i used have REALLY bad depression and was cutting myself regularly (i’m much better now, i have medication, therapy, and i’m almost a year clean) i also stopped reading due to the comic severely damaging my mental health and i’m very glad i did. i was younger and immature and thought i could handle such content. this led to me becoming extremely obsessed with the comic to an unhealthy level, and getting severely attached to one of the characters (rudy) because i could relate to him at that time. i seriously thought that i WAS him sometimes.

i understand now that i should NOT have ignored the label and what i did was definitely wrong and if the creator is reading this i deeply apologize. i’m in a much better place now and i’m just glad that i was able to get the help i needed.

ok now to the angry part

if you don’t know what ghost eyes is, it’s a webcomic about a severely traumatized boy attending school for the first time and meeting a bunch of other severely traumatized kids. this comic has a crap ton of triggering/sensitive/disturbing topics (which is not a bad thing as long as you do it right) and like i said before, the creator has kindly put a warning before the comic starts stating that you SHOULD NOT romanticize/idolize/sexualize/kin any of the characters, do not read unless you can handle such topics, and so forth. now i know i should have definitely put the comic down before and not gotten obsessed over it, but i knew damn well enough that it was messed up to romanticize/sexualize any of the characters/things that happened in the book.

there are several scenes in which a character is self harming or harming someone else, and the comments will say shit like “nooo my poor bean” “awww baby don’t do that” or my personal favorite “protect the smol bean.” first of all, the characters are like 16-17, second of all, i cannot even tell you how fucked up it is that people see someone ruining their lives and putting themselves in danger and think it’s “cute” or “anxiety smol bean uwu” THERES LITERALLY A SCENE WHERE SOMEONE IS GETTING STABBED AND PPL ARE DRAWING THIS MF IN A MAID DRESS.

another reason i despise these fans is that they see an abusive relationship and start making ships/kinning them. as someone who has gone through pretty much everything rudy has gone through, i cant tell you how irritating it is to see people shipping him with his abuser or calling him a “cutie patootie masochist boi uwu” cause lemme tell you what-it doesnt feel good to have to put your health in danger and ruin your relationships with others just so you can get off somehow. ITS NOT FUN. the whole point of rudy’s character is to not romanticize someones fucked up mental health.

i could spend hours talking about this group of immature brats, but i’m tired and it’s a school night and i have a test tomorrow. i might add on if i feel like i need to but overall i really hope those immature fans grow up and realize their mistakes like i did, or get the help they need.

[trashc-anon]

Disney PJO is mellow

post with spoilers, duh. srly I doubt I'm thinking anything new, but I need these thoughts out of my head!

i recently watched Season 1 out of curiosity (i know, so late) and wow! first impression is how they mellowed out almost everything. I'm re-reading book 1 to double check my impressions and coulnd't get past chapter 3 without writing this post, because the changes in tone are so drastic!

HUGE POST BELOW kinda rant-y

First things first: I adore they decided to cast age aproprite actors, make the insanity they go thorugh obviously insane! (im englishing well)

That said: Percy in the books is an angry lil shit! Boy was ready to throw down with anyone and everyone. Series!Percy barely has a funcionting personality. Not dishing on the actor! When the character is supposed to be angry and angst-y, I can see him doing his best <3 My critique is with the writing. It seems they decided to make Percy more approable and relatable as a "good kid" as opposed to a traumatized ADHD student with consistent behavioural issues. It happened in the movies too. Movie!Percy got to be snappy because the actors and audience were older, but not nearly the level of rage and disrespect a 16 year old could have.

Given how mild series!Percy home life is vs book!Percy I don't mind as much as the the series develops because it looks like character development after repeated murder attempts.

Which brings me to point 2 - the reason I can't get past chapter 3: SALLY FUCKING JACKSON! She's a saltless cracker, overgrown teenager still wheeping over her summer romance with "the guy"! I knew the fandom had glorified her, I've seen some posts "hey, did you actually read the book?" And I hadn't since middle school, so my memory was clouded, but fucks sake! I was drinking the emo Kool-Aid to forget that mess of a plot hole. Thank fuck they rebranded series!Sally. She actually has a personality and seems like to know what is what and try to prepare Percy as a demigod who will outgrow her protection.

The diner flashback scene in which she talks to Poseidon helps her "I knew all along" know it all attitude, which doesn't work in the books because as far as she explains it: she and Poseison did the do, she got pregant and they never saw each other again. No reason to be greek mythology geek, definitly not enough to know about camp and the lastest breaking news in the mythic world.

(Poseidon's involvement creates some morality questions for me, some "how are we going to handle some topics later on" issues when episode 3 comes up, but more on that later)

I blinked and missed the reveal that she married Gabe to protect Percy, and the cascading logic of how her different personalities affected that marriage is mindblowing.

It affects the type of Gabe she married, therefore, how much of his abuse was Sally's fault. Series!Sally has agency and talks back, the kind of woman I can see attracting a god. More importantly, if she's making the decision to deliberately put her beloved son in contact with a nasty person whose smell will deter monsters, she won't put up with a monster herself, rather a loser who might as well be stanky trash sitting in the corner for too long. B

ook!Sally just doesn't sell that kind of confidence and since the books are first person POV we have to postulate that over the years Sally fell victim to Gabe's abuse (resulting in her lack of outstanding personality) and justified staying in the relatioship as "protecting Percy", which makes her complicit. Which is not great mom. And I do remember later in the books its resolved off screen and she "marries a nice guy, florishes as a person and has his baby". Errrr.... It's fiction, and I don't care for the mother character abused for the sake of her child to be saved by another marriage and have another child.

3: don't have much to say about Groover, I love him every time. <3 Book!Grover whines more and is a bit of a coward, while series!Groover is more like the sweet resilient pacificist that chooses non-violance. (and a twelve year actor saying "I'm 24" to Ares was hilarious!)

4: WILL ANY INSTALMENT WILL EVER SOLVE THE MYSTERY OF CHIRON AT PERCY'S PRIVATE SCHOOL?

He is the one functioning "trust worthy" adult in the entire camp and he leaves for months at a time to teach at private schools? Leaving behind, I don't know, teenagers and a drunk god to look after the smaller ADHD kids with powers all year round? Does no one see a problem with this? *side eye*

As a plot device it only serves to give Percy A SUPER POWERFUL SWORD WITHOUT HIM EVER HAVING BEING TRAINED FOR IT, and to have Percy trust him before arriving at the crazy camp that regularly send children to their deaths.

(AND THEN THAT PONY HAS THE AUDACITY TO PIKACHU FACE WHEN PERCY IS REAVALED POSEIDON'S KID WHEN ITS IMPLIED THE ONLY REASON HE WAS AT THAT SCHOOL, AWAY FROM HIS OTHER HUNDRED UNDER AGE CHARGES, WAS TO PROTECT PERCY THE BIG THREE KID NO ONE KNEW WAS A BIG THREE KID)

*inhale**exhale* I'm cool I'm cool

I will probably have more thoughts as I reread the book. I think I will write my impressions of series!Annabeth before she turns up in the next chapter so I have a more controled before and after impressions.

so far, overall, I was bored up until episode 3 with Medusa, and boy! that's when you can tell Uncle Rick is involved in the production process. After the first book series being critized for lacking diversity, he did his homework on many polarizing subjects which I appreciate being talked about in middle grade books/ series. And I think that will bite him in the ass when it polarizes the fandom in coming seasons and Disney cuts him out.

See ya!

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, I am INTJ 34F, thank you in advance for patience towards my super long post. My life is fine so far at least on face of it. But I have gone through some hardships which are not visible to outside world easily.

I was victim of child neglect where my parents ignored me and gave more importance to my brother as he is male child. The ignorance was hard for me and my self esteem was hit badly. I was deep introvert and hard fast logical thinker. My social or physical abilities were not developed as I never had any friends to play or social setup to mingle. Also, i never felt any need for same. My parents never tried to help me see where I am failing and how I can improve. I used to immerse myself in books and daydream. I tried to reason with my parents at times but I was very straightforward so they saw it as blunt and it didn't end well. I used to do all things in daydream which I don't do in real life.

The only thing I had was, I was good in studies. So I think that became my identity as that was only thing where I can shine and get attention. But lack of skills in other areas had impact on my confidence. This continued in college as well as job. In college, people used to call me reserved and maybe dull. In job, we had teamwork and because of my introversion and non developed social skill, they started calling me like I have ego issue etc etc. I was independent, low self expression and mainly focusing on work, no much small talk.. all ended up my image being kind of dark. I don't know what I did wrong.

At that point, I wasn't aware about my personality development issue or that I am child neglect victim. I never gave deep thought to any of this then. I used to shine in work due to my technical abilities and used to think that people are either jealous of my achievement or they need just entertainment. I was too busy with my life as well because I had family and young kid, so it was battle of time.

I got to know about MBTI in lockdown and realized that,

I have never accepted any issue with my parents even to myself

I have ignored my health a lot while pulling career

I have never paid attention to other people as in their feeling etc

I did not build strong network at work

I am kind of blind to others strength because I value only intelligence too much

I went on to build life I want with such a focus that I totally missed on other thing. Somehow, money and career advancement became point of self esteem for me

The only good thing is, I am very open to people in my inner circle and they know me, value me, respect me

I wasn't self aware, did not handle my introversion properly. In order to open up to people, I have landed in awkward social situations and then gave up getting frustrated

There was huge gap between how I see myself and how others see me. I didn't know why this is happening

I have burned bridges with few people when they were open to have discussions

Now, I feel terrible. I miss people I have hurt or misbehaved. There are few career opportunities I have lost. I am not sure if this is sign of immature INTJ or something to do with my childhood or entirely different issue.

Once I knew MBTI, I researched and improved a lot. Now, I am far more balanced person. My husband and other close people are noticing change in me and in general, I can sense it myself. But, I am not able to let go past. It's like I am carrying it in my head that I was like this. I don't have any shame associated with it. I am ok with my past but I just want to live free and close that chapter in my head permanently.

There are few people who I really miss but now can not go back and make things right. I am having hard time accepting it. I keep on regretting myself like why I wasn't aware about all this little earlier

I would like to hear your thoughts as they help me clear my head

-----------------------

The topic of regretting past mistakes comes up often, search the relevant tags, like this post. It doesn't really matter "when" you learned, as long as you did eventually. If "when" matters so much to you, then perhaps you have some pridefulness issue to work through due to having an unrealistic image of what you "should" be. Unrealistic images are a common path to self-inflicted suffering.

You spend a lot of time punishing yourself for mistakes and not enough time appreciating how they allowed you to progress and grow. What would your life be without mistakes? Without them, you'd have far fewer opportunities to realize the truth of yourself. In other words, your perspective on mistakes is problematic. They should be embraced rather than derided.

People only do what they know. You can't know everything or be good at everything. Once you've learned what you didn't know, you ought to forgive yourself for the past ignorance. Whatever you imagine was the "perfect" way to handle things doesn't really exist. If you could've done better back then, you would've.

Take control of your mind: Let go of the imaginary scenarios you've created of the past or imaginary ideals of what you should've been and proceed with humility in facing up to the current state of your shortcomings, flaws, and weaknesses (requires Te). The process of living is experiencing and growing. Or do you believe it's about being born perfect out of the womb?

[official-saul-goodman]

hi saul - do you mind if i ask you about what sort of stuff/signs in writing tells you when the author is using abuse cheaply? you made a post about it a few days ago, and as a writer and reader i thought id ask so i could watch out for that sort of thing. conversely, do you know any books that you consider to portray abuse well? of course feel free not to answer, thank you for your time anyway

It's a lot, let me tell ya.

thank you for asking, also please excuse my atrocious grammar.

Take these with a grain of salt, but all these are just what i noticed reading cheap books while i was traveling. these books are cheap for a reason, theyre bad, and most likely not representative of good literature. I tend to enjoy mostly mystery books as well as classics, so i dont go about choosing books that are good at depicting home lives of abuse victims consciously, and dont really have any recommendations on books that depict abuse respectfully. i reckon other people will though if you search well enough youll find books written by people who were abused and chose to share thier stories through non fiction or fiction, or find books written respectfully that tackle the concepts of abuse. but what im going to talk about right now is how apparently a lot of authors cant find any good ways to handle abuse as a topic without being immensely disrespectful to multitudes of people- just solely based on my observations from the many many terrible books ive read over the years, mostly shitty thriller novels that exist to shock people crassly.

the most common cheap mentions of abuse that i have commonly seen and read tend to be as such: evil 'crazy' villain was abused as a child which leads to why he's evil, abusers are all people who have personality disorders cause mental illness is 'crazy' and leads to evil people, abused children are 'damaged' and such will do bad things if they become 'crazy' enough, etc. It's always related to some sort of nonsensical pathologising of completely neutral conditions people have, and the demonising of already vulnerable groups of people by showing them as abusers, even though these people are most likely victims of abuse. This is the main sign that the abuse mentioned in a story is most likely being used as a scare mongering tactic against mentally ill people, for nothing but shock value. I find this to be one of the most common, cheap uses of abuse as a topic in (mainly horror and thriller) books.

The second most cheap mention of abuse is this very strange twisting of abusers as people who have he capacity to change, as some sort of optimism porn or something. In my experience and the experience of many others, its insulting that books make it seem like abusers are secretly good people who are just misguided and will change on their own 'once they realise'. Or that they can make up for their behaviour through apologies and actions, because 'actions speak louder than words'. The idea that everything can be forgiven through the power of change or some magical bullshit, incredibly disrespectful to victims of abuse. Abusers are repeat offenders, and rarely are they ever people who just have one form by which they abuse people. Physical abuse comes verbal, and emotional. but most people only focus on the physical and verbal, and think that if someone shows abusers the 'right way' they'll simply learn their wrong ways and change. thats not how it works, you would never abuse someone if you were secretcly a good person. theres a fundamental flaw in giving the benefit of the doubt to people who have done immeasurable damage to their victims, theres nothing to achieve when you dont have more empathy and compassion for the victims and their pain.

A lot of abusers were abused themselves as kids, and so choose to continue the cycle of abuse, but this cannot be used to create a form of 'oh they were so hurt and they dont know any better' type of image. because they do know better, but they dont think theyre being abusive, cause they think they have the right to behave the way they do. You can address what led people to be the way they are without absolving them of their behaviour in fiction. in the end theyre all characters but the least you can do to people who were abused by people like these characters in a similar fashion is to not write abusers like they are not responsible for their actions, jsut because they went through the same thing in the past. theres no valid reason to be an abuser, and there never will be.

the worst of all is obviously with those 50 shades type romance thriller novels that romanticise misogyny and abuse, we all know about this, some new romance novel or the other with 'spicy' scenes becomes popular every few weeks on tiktok, ahem hem for example The Wives by Tarryn Fisher. terrible book, its so fucking terrible, its downright evil.

for writing tips on accurately and thoughtfully depicting abuse, you have to actually read or listen multiple people who have shared their experience with abuse. Be intelligent with how you use resources available, and dont fall into the trap of following easy but damaging tropes to shock readers.

[squishy-lombax]

Book reviews from my book club

I host a book club that has unfortunately been lacking in active members. If you're interested in joining, please let me know. We are based on Discord. Warning: I've very passionate about the book club and will get on your case if I don't hear from you regularly. If any of the books listed here that we've read previously interest you, our book club may too! 18+ only. I have relatives in the book club, so I'll kick you if you're being weird. Books are in order of how much I enjoyed them! Disclaimer: These, of course, are just my opinions based on my tastes. (formatted for PC, not app)

Strange The Dreamer by Laini Taylor ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Unlike a lot of other high-fantasy books, this one isn't so overly complicated you can still enjoy it. The characters are all very realistic and lovable! This book dealt with a few very heavy topics, however, none of the situations presented were black and white. Especially with a character named Eril-Fane; he was handled so well in my opinion. Even the so-called villain of the story I was able to sympathize with and couldn't decide if I wanted her redeemed or dead. The the description doesn't do the book justice but I can't say much without spoilers. It's a LOT more interesting than it sounds, I promise!

Axiom's End by Lindsay Ellis ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ This book has incredible writing, world-building, characters, and interactions. It felt like something that could actually happen (or may be happening right now depending on who you ask). This book has wonderful descriptions and I went through the whole book confidant in how the alien looked in my mind. Any confusion didn't feel frustrating, like in a "I'm just a dumb human" type of way. The main character felt very relatable, and the author wasn't afraid to make her humanly-gross at times. Which I appreciate. I also appreciate the huge emphasis on understanding, communication, and consent present in this book. Things that feel like they should be common in most relationship based stories, but unfortunately, are not.

Lockwood and Co. The Screaming Staircase by Jonathan Stroud ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ The characters were relatable and funny, and the environments were described excellently! I was invested in the story from chapter one and remained invested to the very end! I especially loved the descriptions of the ghosts and how they were handled. Just the right amount of terror and mystery surrounds them. In general, I usually hate first-person books; but this one strangely did not bother me. Truly a talented writer! I don't know how this book is considered a children's book, though, because even adult-me found myself sitting on the edge of my seat with the sheer thrill and terror this book invoked!

Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard: The Sword of Summer by Rick Riordan ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ This book is based on Norse mythology and it did a wonderful job at explaining this crazy and cooky mythos as coherently as possible. I think if you're interested in Norse mythology (or are a kid learning history) this book is a must-read. The whole story read like a spirited DnD campaign. It was funny, it was camp, and it was lively! I actually laughed out loud a couple times during this book, or had to bury my face envisioning certain scenarios. Representation is abundant with the main character being pan-sexual, the leading lady is Muslim, the first side character is a man that is a fashion designer, and the other is a disabled character (deaf and uses ASL). None of these characters fall into the terrible cliché of the "third wheel, dumb, friend" and all representation featured feels organic and natural.

Waking the Merrow by Heather Rigney ⭐⭐⭐⭐ I worried this would end up just being a trashy romance. I'm so happy to say it was not! It had enough sexy elements to remind you that we're dealing with sirens but it was far above fanfiction equality. I enjoyed the main character because there is something refreshing about having a character be so fundamentally flawed and yet you can still tell she is a good person and doing her best. All the characters were arguably unlikable and yet I liked all of them! I find it far more impressive to write a character in this way. The merrow themselves had great descriptions of their appearance and savagery. Yet they also appear to have a depth and complexity hinted throughout that I'm sure is fully explored in the later books.

Silver Spoon by Hiromu Arakawa ⭐⭐⭐⭐ This manga was extremely cute and down to earth. All the characters felt real and alive, going through struggles that may be very personal to the reader. I also learned quite a bit about farming. I was invested in the relationship between Yuugo and Aki and couldn't wait for them to just hold hands. I also enjoyed the realistic take on the relationship with Yuugo and his father. There is no big forgiveness moment and them continuing to have a strained relationship is something that sometimes happens. The characters and morals I feel can connect to many people. Although, this style of story isn't for everyone.

The Guardians: Nicholas St. North and the Battle of the Nightmare King by William Joyce & Laura Geringer ⭐⭐⭐⭐ I was introduced to this series through the movie, Rise of the Guardians. Although this book is a very simple read, I still really enjoy it. It's filled with so much imagination, heart, and gorgeous illustrations. Plus I always love a reinterpretation of childhood characters. I can actually picture myself reading my future kids these books at bedtime!

The Naked Don't Fear The Water by Matthieu Aikins ⭐⭐⭐⭐ I struggle to write reviews for things based on actual events. I enjoyed this book, which surprised me because books that recount actual events have a terrible habit of being boring to me. However, I rather enjoyed the way Matthieu wrote. It was just the right amount of storytelling while also staying focused on the actual events transpiring. This book does a wonderful job of educating its readers while keeping them engaged in a story.

Yokohama Kaidashi Kikō by Hitoshi Ashinano ⭐⭐⭐⭐ A lovely and relaxing read that does a wonderful job at romanticizing the little things in life. I can definitely see Studio Ghibli making a movie based off this story; they would do a fantastic job with this concept! I especially loved Alpha! (she's autistic and you can't change my mind!) I'm very surprised that this manga is in the Seinen genre because it feels more like it was written for cottage-core lesbians then adult men. One issue is that this story introduced a lot of interesting world-building lore that I was super excited to learn more about. However, sadly, it doesn't dive into any of these concepts more; they are simply brought up and rarely mentioned again.

Room by Emma Donoghue ⭐⭐⭐ The book is very interesting and covers topics I like. However, there is a surprising amount of nothing happening. The five-year-old point of view was hard to get used it, then was okay, but became grating again as the story dragged on. However, after the second half I wasn't sure what the goal of the plot was anymore. The story kind of drags with basic day-to-day things, and having it be from a five-year-old's point of view was no longer interesting to me. I feel like it would have been better if the point of views changed at the half way point to the mother's.

Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch by Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman ⭐⭐⭐ (I read the book before watching the TV show) I found the book rather interesting in concept and I enjoyed the characters. Unfortunately, I personally have struggles with reading and thus the way this book is worded made it difficult for me. I felt there were far too many main characters to get invested in anyone, and just a general lot of nothing happening in the story. It always seemed like something was gonna happen, and thus kept my attention but it never really did, and thus left me feeling disappointed. There were plenty of funny moments but unfortunately, they just didn't make me laugh out loud at all. If you're going to read this book, do so as an audio book!

Lost in the Never Woods by Aiden Thomas ⭐⭐ This book was a disappointment. I loved the darker atmosphere with the murder mystery going on. I also loved the fluffy romance between Peter and Wendy. However, unfortunately, Wendy was dull as a protagonist, spending almost the whole book having things happen to her, rather than doing things herself. I do have a serious Anxiety Disorder but unfortunately, being anxious and sad all the time doesn't make for a very interesting character. The pacing was PAINFULLY slow! The direction I thought the book was going in was WAY more interesting than what actually ended up happening. Not to mention the characters didn't discover anything themselves, instead always having it explained to them in exposition dumps. It's a bad fanfiction quality book.

[lilies-and-chaos]

Watched this video and I have some Thoughts because for a very long time I've wondered if I'm autistic.

I feel like I have to qualify that claim, to explain myself, because despite watching a video breaking down and analyzing self-diagnosis, it doesn't feel valid to say.

When I was a baby, I didn't respond to my name. I didn't make facial expressions correctly as a young child. I had anger issues that I couldn't control (my younger siblings often looked like they had been scratched by an angry cat. We did not have pets.) and severe anxiety (I frequently had panic attacks, at times almost nightly, even going to the hospital once because I thought I was dying). I was tormented by horrible intrusive thoughts: at 8 years old, I was convinced that I would, one day, kill myself. My mom told me I would go to Hell. We were not religious. I didn't have many friends growing up. The friends I did have were often labeled as troublemakers, but I now realize they were (often) poor, (usually) unsupported, and (likely) neurodivergent. Usually, I would sit and read during recess instead of playing with the other kids. I was a great student and read voraciously, but if I was asked to make an inference about what a character was feeling I could not tell you. I didn't make eye contact until my 5th grade teacher told me and my mom that in middle school, I had to look at the teacher when they were talking. Somehow my mom hadn't noticed my complete lack of eye contact until then. Not that it hadn't been an issue before: teachers would call on me to ask what they had just said, thinking I wasn't paying attention. I was always paying attention. Until I was 13 or 14, I didn't understand symbolism in books or films: I watched La La Land and thought the musical sections were diegetic, that this was set in an alternate LA where people got out of their cars to sing. In 8th grade, I worried that I was a psychopath because I didn't feel as affected about stuff as other people. Between 14 and 16 my upper arms were so sensitive that I'd cry when they were lightly brushed. I've never been able to stomach the feeling of hand rails or rope moving against my skin. I've run my knuckles against the walls while I walk for as long as I can remember. At 18, 19, 20 years old I have cried about my plans changing. I have refused to eat because it wasn't the food I was planning. I rarely feel connected to the people I interact with. It's hard for me to identify my emotions past a general "good" or "bad" feeling. I have been told my voice is "exactly like my sister's," but the one telling difference is my voice is much flatter. I become obsessed with certain topics to the point where I won't talk except about that one topic and I'll forget to eat and sleep and use the bathroom.

Oh, and my RAADS-R score, when I take the exam with my boyfriend and my family helping me answer questions as accurately as possible, is between a 127 and a 148. I've taken it several times over the span of 2 years.

Not all of these experiences are symptoms of autism, which I know. But I included some to show how my parents handle mental health problems. I have anxiety but was not taken to a therapist until I was old enough to realize something was wrong, just told to stop overthinking. My therapist needed to tell my mom that I needed to be put on antidepressants so I wouldn't kill myself before therapy started working because she didn't want me taking medicine. My mom has told me that she suspected I was autistic when I was a kid, but didn't get me tested because I was doing well in school. Never mind that I wasn't doing well in many other aspects.

I've long thought that self diagnosis is not valid. This is despite the fact that every time I've sought and received mental health help, I've been correct about my self-diagnosis. Depression, Anxiety, OCD. Is Autism next?

But watching this video helped me remember that formal diagnoses are not always possible; that diagnoses are putting the human condition in a small box; that psychologists are as fallible and human as I am; that I know myself better than anyone else does. Why should I limit the tools and resources I use because I haven't had a doctor officially say that I'm autistic? If these tools help me function in my day-to-day life, what is truly the difference between me and the hypothetical autistic me?

It doesn't matter too much now. If I am autistic, I am high-functioning (although I am aware that term is not supported anymore). I have painstakingly taught myself the social rules and conventions I need to follow in order to fit in. I can small talk and joke and (apparently poorly) use sarcasm and usually even detect it. Not much would change if I was formally diagnosed. But man. I would love to know.

Ofc I will not say "I have autism" to people but those are my thoughts