#I do talk negatively about myself

[siberianchan]

I refer to myself as a disaster a lot.

Recently I got a lot of positive feedback from people I don't even know that well (work colleagues, mainly) for how creative and smart and driven I am and how positively I impact them and...

Well, I am neither structured nor organized (I can act like I am, so...)

But since I'm not always destructive and actively try to not be destructive...

Maybe I should not call myself a disaster and more like... chaos on legs?

[creative-anchorage]

God these absolute potatoes. What is going through people's mind when they drop their pants to shit on things in spaces where people are trying to appreciate or celebrate things!!!

[lilcookiebugg]

I recently saw like a TikTok where someone was again…again going after the Sonelise kiss. But making it where all the characters would be disgusted with it. Because they totally would be.

And it’s the caption that caught my attention. It being “If only the kiss was with Amy”.

Okay so.

The kiss wouldn’t be necrophilia if it was Amy.

The kiss wouldn’t be assault if it was Amy.

The kiss wouldn’t be hated if it was Amy.

The characters wouldn’t be disgusted and would cheer if it was Amy.

People wouldn’t regard it as the worst scene ever in the franchise if it was Amy.

Okay. Cool.

So it’s only those things when it’s Elise. And not those things when it’s Amy.

That totally makes sense.

Just to make this clear. I’m not trying to go after Amy at all. I’m just trying to understand why it’s only bad when Elise does it. But not when Amy does it.

It was like 5AMish when seeing the video. So like apologies if I sound salty or tired at all. I just didn’t really enjoy having such thing on my fyp.

[robbyykeene]

so glad ck's going to be over but what a mess it's made in the process, with its victimblaming type creators and all their bullshit accumulated over time in their statements.

This season really killed any and all lingering affection I still had. Between the blatant rape apologism and the horrific, dystopian, nightmare fuel AI Mr. Miyagi, I am truly just disgusted with this show, and by proxy myself for ever enjoying it to begin with. I don’t even know what else to say tbh, I’m really just appalled with Netflix, these writers, and the vast majority of the fanbase (outside of tumblr) who at best don’t give a fuck and at worst actively cheer this shit on.

[infernaltenor]

one more niki analysis.

for now.

ok this one technically i've had in mind for MONTHS but couldn't figure out how to word it until just now because i a) read hot limit about three months ago and it hasn't left my head since b) the idol exploration event.

anyway. the actual crux of this is: niki's character is specifically written to be content, not happy. these often get confused imo. the second part of this is his contentedness isn't natural, it's forced. the third part of this is no one fucking notices, except for one rinne amagi, because of course he does. by no one, i'm talking specifically character-wise here; niki in game tends to get written off as childish or otherwise doing well, and that comes directly from his other unit members.

side note: i'm fairly confident in my own reading of "niki will pretend to not be bothered by anything, ever" and this is bolstered by a few different things; a) the honeycomb summer lyrics in my last post where there's a part of the intro, "hidden the true feelings out of habit / and now you're regretting it" (rinne amagi you slick bastard) b) hot limit. like the entire story. mostly because he was being troubled by multiple different things throughout it (work, idol activities, and his family last name/father's scandal) and the only person who noticed was rinne, and that's probably because he knew the damn guy for five years c) also in hot limit, the exploration into niki seeing himself as a burden because of his illness. why did they add this into his character and then not elaborate further? i don't know. if it never gets elaboration, i'll implode. anyway, it's a part of his character that he usually doesn't show, but he references it as "not wanting to inconvenience the people around him" REGARDLESS of if the people in question don't mind him inconveniencing them (rinne). in general, the only thing he makes a fuss about is food, likely because of his metabolism and the fact that he does become more of a danger to people when extremely hungry (he has bitten hiiro before.); i.e. the inconvenience for everyone else is a 19-20yro trying to bite them, not complaining that he's hungry.

i digress.

niki has referenced himself as being content with certain things before. for instance, in hot limit, it's phrased distinctly as "just getting to eat every day is a bliss to me - i need to be satisfied with that", which comes up again in his letter from the idol exploration:

"it feels like happiness is there to fill my stomach, too!" oh, is it? is it niki? is it now?

basically, what i'm getting at is niki's expectations for life are so incredibly low, so he's satisfied with getting to eat every day. that's it. just satisfied. side note: this is why i went insane when survival was added to his profile; the way he lives/talks about living, he's been surviving more than living. this is also why i think rinne and niki work so well as a pair, rinne's into living and niki's busy surviving. though, to be fair, rinne and niki's relationship is built on this crux anyway. rinne intends (hopes, maybe? his goal?) is to help niki with what he has identified as a problem. thank you rinne amagi.

(for the record, right after i read this, my live reaction was "WHAT IF I KILLED MYSELF". that's quite dramatic, and i won't, but i figured someone might get a laugh out of that.)

this isn't the first time that rinne has referred to niki (well, more so implied) as "not happy", as it happens in hot limit, too.

"that's why i'll grant his wish and make him happy" oh ok i see.

anyway. niki's fascinating, because this forced contentedness vs happiness is so interesting to me, because beyond rinne's own read of niki, it's easily bought by everyone else he knows. most notably, kohaku and himeru, as their impressions come off of reading niki quite differently to rinne's:

(i grabbed these screenshots after i finished the event for the time being. rinne's i grabbed before LMAO)

both of them appreciate and even look up to niki in certain ways, and they both like his focus on food. but what's interesting is how both of them see him vastly different from rinne; where rinne focuses on his low self impression, himeru thinks niki's perspective of the world is interesting, as well as i think he gives credence to niki being selfless, which kohaku sees him as both childish and reckless. i'm pretty sure both himeru and kohaku see him as more naive than themselves, which is a fair read. this also does line up with what happens in hot limit; while rinne is aware of the troubles niki's going through, himeru and kohaku are both surprised at the end.

niki's own effort, i think, to convince himself of being satisfied and content pays off, because the only person who notices otherwise is rinne. which, imo, is a whole other source of depth to their relationship; rinne probably saw niki working that out. he was 14 when they met, and likely the shiina parents leaving was recent (side note: i'm a certified niki's parents hater. i know we don't have much info on them, but i don't trust them after that burden thing), which is something i've mostly extrapolated by the contact he seems to have at 14 vs at 19, where they're pretty much never mentioned. yes, i know, niki chose to stay in japan. i just don't think you get through your parents leaving you in your native country at 14 while they gallivant around the globe and your communication with them steadily dwindles results in anything good.

ok. i'm sorry for the parent hating.

but unless proven otherwise i'm expecting them to be the source of these problems.

[nanihirunkits]

okay maybe i actually am able to work some magic in photoshop sometimes

[icewindandboringhorror]

I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...

Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner

*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)

And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -

TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows

This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).

So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.

Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.

Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.

Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).

But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).

In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.

Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.

Now, doing the same thing for movies-

Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)

That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).

116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.

So, a for broader summary stuff..

I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.

If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.

ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.

I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0

[ihhfhonao3]

Shockingly, I do think there can be nuance in this issue. "Being proship is a discourse stance, you're going to find discourse and people arguing with the 'other side' in the tag that is intended for discourse, and part of our culture is built upon fighting back against the people that have hurt us and calling out their hypocrisy and cruelty" and "seeing all of this negativity and hatred from antis in a place that is supposed to be safe and welcoming is actively harming my health, because screenshotting someone saying 'you deserved to get raped' and having someone else repost it saying 'this is insane can you believe this!!!' doesn't make me feel very good about myself. and it makes it worse that this is put into every single tag we have, including tags that are more intended for positivity and spreading joy like the tag that is explicitly labeled 'proship positivity.' some of the other tags are also for things that might squick me out, like the comship and darkship tags. there is no place for me to go, I am surrounded by discomfort" are thoughts that can and should coexist I feel

[yippie-madness]

this song reminds me of this study i was in where this is literally what they did. idk the goal but they would flash associated words on the screen (shit like "death" and "funeral" and then like "life" and "thrive", it was a study about suicide so lots of themes of life/death and depression) and then you would have to match a word (eg. death) with a choice of two others, one was "correct" (eg. "thrive" and "funeral"). or you would match it to the not associated word. it was stupid. but hey i got like 250 dollars out of it!

there was not enough consideration to cultural variation on beliefs about death tho, death being associated with past tense language was a very common theme. stuff like that.

[iamshmolphrog]

I GOT MY BINDERRRR

BEFORE N AFTER

also I guess this post is a…torso reveal? No face though! Anyway! Tagging some moots cuz I AM SO EXCITED RAHHH

@astranite @aroacedm @snailcheeserulz @ EVERYONE LOOK MY TITS R GONE

[pierrotdoesnteat]

is it normal to have this creeping fear whenever ur parent is coming up stairs? shes not like abusive or anything i just cannot handle her yelling at me again is this normal, im asking u because i think ur the oldest of all my moots so

okay sorry for talking a lil bit to reply to this, i really wanted to think of the right way to respond to this because obviously im not you and i dont know the relationship you have with your parents/household/etc and can only base my answer off of my own experiences and i want to answer it as carefully as i can i have believed that there is no harder time period in someones life than being like, 13-17 years old (even without the addition of mental and physical health issues) pretty much since i was 13 and im saying this as nicely as possible, we're on edblr rn. if youre here you probably struggle with some stuff and the combination of those with being in an incredibly difficult period of your life can be terrifying and i think that the further a lot of adults get from those years, the less they seem to remember what that felt like. you may have a good relationship (or maybe not) with your parent but its a lot easier for the negative moments to stick in your mind and come back when the emotions you feel are similar to what you felt then; my relationship with my mom was incredibly rocky pretty much up to the time that i was 20 to the extent that i willingly moved in with my incredibly distant father and stepmother for several months (which i can admit, i wasnt an easy kid or teenager), and there was a period of time where i knew how the stairway in the house creaked under different peoples footsteps (even the animals) and could prepare myself for whoever was coming, and i used to hallucinate my mom yelling my name when i would put my headset on. the older i get the more im able to seperate what was genuinely deserved, what was heat of the moment, and the things that i do wish she would apologize for and its stayed pretty important for mending that relationship now that theres space.

with that being said, even if a relationship is good a lot of the time, even if it isnt abusive, if you experience something over and over again, and in the same place/by the same person each time, like being yelled at, it can make the way you feel about that experience/person/place worse over time and it weighs a lot heavier on you each time, especially if its happening often enough that you dont really get to decompress or process the emotions, it can feel really hard to manage those emotions and i can entirely understand how you would feel fear because of that. if you feel like it would be a possibility, there have been times where ive written down a few moments that stand out more than others and asked my mom if she remembered them or what caused them and it helps to talk through them, but if you don't feel like that would be a safe option, try channeling the way you feel about it into hobbies. i personally find art journaling really helpful, or even just getting out of the house for a walk to have some space apart both physically and to let the emotion of both people and place settle, if that makes sense.

if all that got a little long/confusing im sorry and you are completely free to DM me or send asks with more questions if you need

[san-marzano]

if i turn on anon asks again will you guys promise to behave

[tempestaurora]

just because the meaning is different in the show doesn’t mean there’s no meaning. the writers aren’t bad at their jobs, they’re not going to shove in scenes from the books with zero reason to be there other than pandering. they just changed the meaning. i know the i will have you without your armour or i will not have you at all didn’t have the same lead up, but they didn’t leave it floundering. they gave inej a fantasy, they gave her a hope, and then they had her fight with it, had kaz fight with it, for the entire season. 

inej hallucinated a life where kaz removes her knives and his gloves, their protection, their armour, to allow themselves vulnerability with each other, to allow love and intimacy. her asking for the removal of his armour has never and will never be about touch alone - it’s a metaphor for vulnerability. and she, in that final scene, wears no knives. she speaks her heart. she allows herself to be damaged by him because she is showing a vulnerability that he, in return, can’t manage, because he is still wearing his literal and emotional gloves. 

it’s not going to have the same meaning because it literally can’t. this is a new story about the same characters, a new chronology. so instead they laid out a simpler path to give the words a new, visual meaning. she is without armour, he is not. until he is able to lower his defences for her, they cannot be together. 

[bandsandwristbands]

Vent post

[whereismyhat5678]

Nah man, I really gotta stop doing certain things

If you don’t wanna read you don’t have to, I’d say it’s KIND OF a vent but not really because I can’t take myself seriously like at all-

First things first there is one major thing I gotta stop and it is I HAVE TO STOP SAYING SORRY 24/7 my PARENTS have told me to STOP BUT I DONT- ITS INFURIATING. It’s like- you ever like try to go cold turkey on a habit that you do but you end up still doing it even if that cold turkey didn’t last for even an hour? YEAH ITS LIKE THAT- it’s a habit that I’ve built slowly upon and now it’s become a problem because anytime I DO say sorry over something minor my parents tell me to stop. I get they’re trying to help me, I love them for that, but it’s difficult when you assume anything you do and that you get a look for is your fault. Not their fault either if anything it’s mine for creating the habit but I’m telling you I just can’t stop it. It’s hard, and I hate it 💀

Second, I am a yapper. And there ain’t anything wrong with yapping first of all it’s just a problem and issue for me because I realize that I ain’t a multitasker. When it comes to be narrating to myself while doing something, chances are, I ain’t getting anything done because im too busy telling my life’s story to A WALL. And it’s especially become a problem because my mom (although is very interested with what I have to say) always tells me that I really just need to get stuff done and over with. I respect that, so im REALLY gonna try and just shut up. And I gotta be honest here I talk way too much for one person dude I just need to stop 😭😅

AND FINALLY, something I’m really trying to stop but it just keeps coming back to me!

Listen if I had the ability to clone myself: I would sit her down and give her a lecture on what she does sometimes ain’t very smart and I REALLY gotta stop doing it.

But I gotta wait, cuz time does take a little bit and I know it’s gonna be a slow process getting these habits to stop. But you know what, that’s okay. I’ll be patient with myself, I’ll try to be. I’m gonna be okay. We’re all gonna be okay together.

🫂

[persephoneflouwers]

🌷