#im not gonna be the bigger person this time
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how i view simon riley
for a second, let’s just forget everything about him that actually is true and let me lie . . .
simon riley is 6’5” and is chubby with hella muscle underneath. hes got a lot of tattoos covering his arms and hands, and one on his torso thats battered with scars. i like to think he has dark brown hair, its just my type okay? his eyelashes are sooo long and his hands are always washed, he hates having dirty hands.
simon is a good leader, he kind of has to be. he is an amazing man when it comes to his job and his teammates, but when he gets home, thats the only chance he has to just let go. there isnt some persona he has to put on when hes home. his temper gets the best of him sometimes and hes lwk toxic asf.
“baby c’mon you know i didnt mean to, ‘m sorry” — “dont be dumb sweetie you know im busy right now, go somewhere else and leave me alone” — “stop acting like this, im tired of you right now”
but he will always come to bed with you. always kiss you goodnight. always fixes the covers back over you when he gets up in the morning. its not his fault that he just has some anger issues he never got over when he was a kid. simon is either a big teddy bear or a stone wall. hes hard to read on most days but his tone will always give it away. mf has an awful tone problem when hes having a bad day. simon’s words are often harsh when hes having a bad day but his physical nature says the complete opposite.
“just shut up baby, you sound so stupid” he’d groan at you, but at the same time he’d pull you closer into him, kneading your soft skin in his hands gently. as if he is always apologizing after every mean phrase that comes out from those parted lips. and when that hurt whine comes from your lips hes already ‘shh’-ing you and rubbing your side.
my simon riley is infatuated with his sweetheart being all dolled up and dumbed down. he loves himself a stupid dumb girl that just cant do anything by herself. of course he knows hes needed for work, but simon has never felt needed outside of his job title. even if he’d never admit it without some emotional talks, he could cry over the fact that you need him. that something as precious and pure as you needs a man as rough and battered as him. he knows deep down youre not a stupid girl, youre bright and just curious, as he likes to put it. he loves being able to explain simple things to you, loves that you call him because you forget how to turn the oven fan off and how to cut a mango. hes so thankful that hes not needed for life or death situations with you like he constantly is for work.
my simon riley is obsessed with the idea of getting you pregnant. he is a sucker for breeding. when hes left alone in thought he always, without a doubt, thinks about you having his babies and forever being in his life. he just knows you’d be such a good mom. you are the only person he can even picture caring for his own. your sweet and kind nature on the daily shows how maternal you are and it just makes that soft spot in his heart swell and get bigger every time he pictures it. hes also smitten with your waist line. oh god dont even get the man started on your back dimples and the curves of your hips. simon’s lips are always on your abdomen and tummy.
“gonna have my babies in here one day sweetie, youre gonna look so pretty all knocked up” he mumbles in between warm open-mouth kisses right under your belly button. his heavy fingers digging into the dips of your back as he pulls you inexplicably closer to him.
he really is such a sensitive man under all that scar tissue and bulky muscle. in my head simon is an april taurus sun, pisces moon, and rising gemini. so basically, the taurus in him showcases he has a very rough exterior that is great at displaying leadership and grounding skills, but the pisces on the inside makes him sensitive and he has a lot of emotions, then the gemini in him makes him come across as independent and deceitful at first. i could go on forever about this mans astrology chart.
simon riley who always brags about you to his friends. he’s very careful with talking about you at work though. he would most definitely set the world on fire if anything bad happened to his sweet angel girl. when he’s back from deployment, out at some shitty pub with johnny . . he can’t keep his lips sealed about you.
“i know ‘m gonna marry that girl. i know it, gonna give her my last name and at least four kids . . you wanna know what she made for dinner when i got home from the last deployment?” he rambles to poor soap who just wanted to get out of his apartment.
#.𖥔 ݁ {elora}#✧₊⁺ {💌}#⋆𐙚 {🪽}#.ೃ࿔*:・{🤍}#simon ghost riley x f!reader#simon ghost riley headcanons#simon ghost riley smut#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley headcanons#simon riley#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley#simon riley smut#simon riley x you#simon riley x female reader#simon riley x f!reader#simon ghost x female reader#simon ghost x f!reader#simon ghost riley x female reader#ghost x female reader#ghost riley x reader#ghost x reader#ghost imagine#ghost smut#ghost riley#simon riley fluff#simon riley angst
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if i turn on anon asks again will you guys promise to behave
#im not gonna be the bigger person this time#if you send me hate TRUST that you will be found and blocked and i'll probably draw smthn stupid about it🙏🏽#i'll only let you stay if its funny hate#psa if u do have a genuine issue youd like to talk out my dms are always open#im here to have fun w y'all and i want my space to be a good space for myself and others#i'll only entertain “negative” asks/dms if they bring up genuine issues that can be resolved with a convo#idk what word to use in place of negative. not happy asks that arent deranged or just straight up hate is what i mean
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"Don't vote for Kamala!!"
..who else are we gonna vote for? Trump 😐? Be so fucking fr. Be so GOD DMN FR rn.
It's between her and HIM. And no, there are no relevant candidates that'll meet expectations cuz unfortunately, everyone fucking sucks and we can't have the super cool president that respects everyone and loves everyone. Those don't exist.
Don't do this shit cuz yall wanna act like not voting is gonna save anyone or anything. Cuz that's how we ended up with Trump as president in the first place 😐 stop.
#j.p speaks#kamala harris#im so TIRED of people#i usually dont care about politics but GOD!!!! DONT VOTE FOR TRUMP !!!#this is the only time ill speak on this shit dont piss me off#yall wanna be moral high roaders so fuckin bad and forget the bigger picture#not voting isnt gonna make you a better person. it makes you fucking stupid
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deciding which ideas to draw lately
#too many things to draw!!!#i need to do the zukka spiderverse poll winner and i have sooo many funny little mini comics and two bigger angst ones and my oc stuff#anyway. i drew none of those and this instead#i would say there's a big storm coming but im not sure what i'll actually be able to finish. or which ones to prioritize....#i should do a poll of which ones to do but fluff always wins#which. should show me what i should draw but WHATEVER#yall don't wanna see bloody battlefied sokka sokka? OR yall don't wanna see ruining friendships by getting together?#or zuko leaving abandonment-issues-sokka via letter???#well TOO BAD. you're gonna get those comics.... if i can finish them#and i have spiderverse art AAHHH the time!!!!#apologies for the abundance of personal posts im going insane. biting the bars of my enclosure
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btw one of the things i want to do when i really rap up atbb for real is spontaneously get the energy at will to do actual updated fullbodies of the main 4 since now i actually have the ability to draw them the way they look in my head & have the skills to put some more variety in their shapes. basically i wanna
#warning big character design rambling in these tags but like. were u expecting any less#if ur wondering what changed-#first of all everybody has bigger hands bc i'm actively deciding to commit to that decision because i like it :3#next russ is a bit taller . i'll probably change some other things like making his armor look more solid & making him look more frail#-without it but i dont wanna pick up my tablet rn so thats all i feel like editing with my mouse lmao#edge has the biggest changes mostly in just being Wider. i want to make him Look stronger yknow#currently its just one of those annoying “skinny anime girl actually has 2d spraypainted abs and can lift a truck” tropes that i Hate#its a lil too many triangles when he should really be more like a triangle-flavored square. yknow#that being said the weirdly feminine hips were not intentional but only time will tell if they make it into the actual final design or not#i will not be making his pauldrons wider than they were originally. those things are already wacking everything around him they're fine#fluff's change is just being a bit skinnier so he looks more pathetic and sad. probably gonna try to make him look a bit younger too#but age is hard to represent with skeletons from The Land Of Sharp Features#i might also change up his pants/shoes more idk. Baggy Everything makes a very difficult silhouette and the boots are just boring tbhh#they're the bi flag but i dont think a single person has ever noticed lmao#and stretch's biggest change is that he's going to Have A Fullbody Reference That Isn't From 2019#probably make his hoodie longer/looser so i can make the transition to the leggings less awkward & show off his tank under it a bit more#the leggings & sneakers get to stay tho i think. the red wraps the design up well & the chicken legs are funny to me :>#and karma isn't here but he'll probably also get an update to be more square as well. and NOT SKINNYYYYYY#i gotta cram some more emotional repression & inferiority complex hints into his outfit so his post-void look contrasts more its IMPORTANT#AND ALSO NEVER USE UNDERTALE SPRITES AS A REFERENCE FOR ARMOR EVER EVER EVER AGAIN#that being said im really excited to one day finally sit down and draw his post-void design i think i'll have fun with that one#theres a reason my sf bros dont really fit their “roles” in the au yet like undyne & alphys do. hehehe#basically to sum up all these tags: becoming more skilled at art is a curse because you KNOW you can do things better now
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realized last night that getting into stained glass... i can make stained glass pendants, too... jewelry with stained glass...
#i also have a ton of ideas for smaller pieces that will be affordable#bc the worst part of stained glass is how expensive it is#but if i play with a lot of 2nd hand material and am smart with sourcing my supplies i can probably get some really nice stuff for 30-40#i mean I DO want to play with bigger pieces really bad#id LOVE to make big window pieces#but im gonna start with doing that for myself i think since investing the time in something worth hundreds of dollars uh. isn't the#smartest move unless its a personal piece#idk! Im excited. idk how much other people dig stained glass but I certainly love the look of it
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This is a question related to the mtt hobbies answer that you wrote, the murder trio go around the multiverse and live in a place together, then what happend to horrortale au and horrortale papyrus? If the murder trio got to meet horrortale papyrus how would it go? (The meeting propably wouldnt end well with more canon mtt haha)
aaaaa i dont think it through to be honest when i talk about that concept. they just do. maybe horrortale's issues are already solved and aliza's already gone through horrortale and somehow fixed the hellhole (ALIZA MY GOAT PLEASE SAVE HORRORTALE I DON'T CARE IF IT TAKES 10 YEARS‼️‼️‼️) by the time that horror somehow meets dust and killer (since i dont see a feasible way that horrortale could be fixed outside of aliza or outside intervention.) or maybe he just visits from time to time. and by time to time i mean probably quarterly weekly. idk sorry i cant be bothered to think about it,,, they just do. anyways bad answer i KNOW I KNOW put the tomatoes down pls PLS
if the mtt met horror paps? horror would obviously do his little bantering thing with paps (he's probably revealing every single one of horror's embarrassing moments to them as they speak and horror's desperately trying to get him to shut up because he can tell. dust and killer are piiiiiiissed.) dust is probably like eerily calm during the whole thing. he manages to hold up a conversation pretty well with horror paps and gets along with him good enough without mentioning that theres a ghost version of him screaming asking why dust is ignoring phantom paps. meanwhile killer is mostly silent during it too probably only responding when he's spoken too. i mean like killer already doesn't like being around papyruses (papyri? papyri is so shitty i dont like it we will be saying papyruses) and then seeing horror's papyrus??? what the FUCK happened to horror paps??? sunken in eyes and cracks in his bones and those jagged teeth AND THEN THE FUCKING CROOKED SPAGHETTI????
needless to say once horror paps is gone all of them get into a biiiiig fight. dust drops the cool act because he's not gonna lose his cool around a papyrus but also he's absolutely fuming. he can tell that the changes that phantom papyrus has gone through have something to do with horror with the way that he's acting. killer is also incredibly irritated too (surpringly. being around papyruses just gets him like that) and seeing papyrus like that just gets him upset and angry. like wtf horror did you even TRY with keeping your papyrus safe??? at least killer reset his au and now papyrus is living an unharmed life (with minor concerns about killer's whereabouts but he'll ignore that for now) but horror paps looks so fucked up that there is no WAY that horror tried to prevent him from getting to that point
obviously they fight and many many many many MANY words are said about eachother's characters and the state they left their respective papyruses in. horror knows damn well that horrortale paps's state is because of him but he regretted telling paps to eat humans and neither dust nor killer knew the struggle of living with that guilt and how much he regrets it so they dont get to drag him for not trying hard enough to keep papyrus safe. dust is definitely getting some low blows here and there (but he's getting fucking assisted by phantom paps so he's got some of the deepest hitting insults) and he's definitely getting ganged up on for killing his papyrus and like. not even attempting to leave him alive in someway shape and form aside from the absolute insult that is phantom paps. surprisingly killer is winning this fight because he left his papyrus in a relatively good state. even though he's in a more emotional state than he normally is and would've absolutely OBLITERATED dust and horror in the fight in stage 2 he's actually doing pretty well. probably because hororr and dust dont really have anything to drag him on. they might bring up how something new papyrus is searching for killer but like,,,, is that really that bad compared to how they left their papyruses
#time to die i almost forgot to answer this today#WHO AM I IF I LOSE MY STREAK!!!! MY ASK STREAK!!!!!!#time to call up tumblr to restore my streak if i miss a day#streaks! streaks! streaks! streaks! i say as i take several photos of me winking at a high angle#i dont even use snapchat. i do think streaks are a funny concept though#i'd KILL (hah) to have a streak with someone#the only person i ever message on snapchat regularly is my ai and thats only to belittle it#noooo dont do that says dust because then one day the robot will come alive and kill you#okay reset induced ptsd survivor lets get you back to bed#it'd be funny if he believed in dumb conspiracy stuff like that. and not dumb shit like flat earth#im not big on conspiracy theories but i think if he were fucked up enough or going through a manic episode he'd believe stuff like that#UGHHH did i mention how much i love manic dust. speaking of mania and dust#i made an eensy teensie little change in mania's design#the cyan in his eyelight is bigger now to emulate what a manic pupil looks like#heh.... its the smal detsild that matter.... i say as i dont incilde any details in my art#okay because i feel that all of this i incredibly wrong and ooc its time to justify my thoughts or else i'll feel unworthy of posting again#dust manages to keep his cool around papyruses pretty well (in win win scenario) even though he's got phantom paps with him#and he CAN do crazy switch ups like that just on a whim like when he suddenly killed flowey after teaming up with him in last chance#so i think its totally believable. dust can put up a NASTY facade of composure despite being furious underneath#and killer? you just be killer. how many times am i gonna make that joke you ask. not enough times because its funny every time#because he does get ansty and stuff around papyrus and apparently papyrus is his hardest enemy to face#must be because he feels something for him that bothers killer. like guilt or something#and if he feels guilty over what he did to papyrus then he must care and therefore care about papyrus's well being#and therefore that bleeds into horror paps and then that care turns into anger#crazy coming from killer saying that horrot doesn't care enough but i think its totally possible#i might be wrong though please shoot me if i am. i still need to resd up on my killer lore#ive been TRYING okay.... ive been trying been trying with killer. hopefully its enough....... (NO i say. who are you talking to)#tricule asks
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on the leftist commune of my creation you WILL need to have a job and mandatory alone time it cannot be 3 faggots with full time jobs paying for acquaintances random stuff and then being made to listen to said acquaintance vent after the fact
#personal#if you don’t know my dad died last year i’m gonna wager you cannot ask me for money#told this dude i’m sorry but no i can’t pay for you to wash ur clothes and im TIRED#and yes xyz why someone can’t work i do get that#but i am working and am struggling with that#i don’t have a choice. i was going to a job where i fell asleep in my car while driving routinely and gave me extreme chest pains#just to pay what i owe my mom for rent#if SHE could afford it she’d let me live rent free but she can’t!#and i need to pay my bills! i NEED a job! there’s not someone waiting in the wings to fund my life#and i’m sick of it!!!!!! i’m sick of aquntinces using me as a vent thing and then as an atm!#yes i said no!!!!!!!!!! unless you are actively dying i’m probably gonna say no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i’m genuinely really upset by people needing things of me and i don’t want this relationship in the first place#you came to me youre talking to me im not hitting you up im not reaching out to you#i’m being polite but not outright ignoring you talking to me#that does not equal friendship!!!!!!!#i think i have to stop talking to people i must get meaner#i need to stop having the general vibe you as a stranger should feel comfortable talking to me at length#i’m tired!!!! i don’t want new friends or to make new plans or do that!!!!! leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!#and this is the second time this WEEK. some random aquantinxe has asked for money#brother i went over budget for donations in one day. i dont give a fuck unless ur actively in dire situations!!!!! i dont care!!!!!! there#there are bigger issues!!!#stop asking people ur NOT close with for this!!!! make actual friends !!!!!
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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The babygurl is home! 💜💜💜 Both the plushie and the stand are bigger than I expected 😂💕 The plushie is from the Sanrio Collab, which is my fave bc he got matched up with Hello Kitty (I love the small blush on his cheeks 😆😆) and then the stand is from the "Ouji Ishou" set, which I bought solely because he looks like a RoFan Manhwa ML here ✨ (I have an AU WIP about this aaamdbdndhd)
Finally...Hibird is not owner-less anymore in terms of plushie
#personal#hibari kyoya#BOTH MERCH LOOK SO MUCH BETTER IRL THAN THE PICTURES I SAW IN THE LISTINGS MDBDKDJSSK IM GLAD#IT GOT DELIVERED SOONER TOO I THOUGHT I'LL HAVE TO WAIT TILL LATE MAY#DEPRESSION CURED MY CROPS ARE FLOURISHING MY SKIN IS CLEAR#im gonna need a slightly bigger bag if i wanna bring him(and hibird) outside tho mdbdndbsjd#khr merch#one problem i can't make his sleeves go down fmdbdndhdj#i think it was bc he was packed like that for a while so it's gonna take time 🤣🤣🤣#or maybe it's rlly like that oh well
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Guess who fucked her wrists up during work because he refused to go on a single break because he felt like that's the only way to prove she's not useless since her autism stops her from doing anything a person his age "should" do
#its me. if you couldn't guess#i did that#i didnt do any actual damage to my wrists but they are in pain and i can already feel that its gonna get worse#and ill probably have an awful time trying to sleep because of it#and look.#i know that im not useless#i know that prople who have similar or bigger struggles aremt useless either#i dont believe that anyone's worth depends on having a job or being productive or whatever#i do know that#but sometimes even when you know something you dont feel it#yknow what i mean#and this blueberry plantation is the only job i can have right now#im not built for a dayjob but im able to work for a few hours with saplings every now and then#though that is. very physically tiring#which is also extra frustrating to me as a young person#because the other older ladies at the job always make me feel like im not allowed to be tired or in pain because im young#so i never say that im tired until im alone w my mom#and i want to prove that im not a useless parasite. i can do some work. so i might as well give my all#and dont take any breaks#im not trying to excuse hurting myself#but you know. its hard to think straight and respect myself sometimes#sometimes its easier to hurt myself in ways that make other people think good of me#im treating myself to some snacks now tho#gonna go buy myself some chips and smoke s cigarette and watch silly videos and play games and go to bed#and yes i know that being kind to myself after i was cruel to myself doesnt fix that#i shouldn't have the mindset of#yeah im being unnecessarily cruel to myself but at least im gonna reward myself later :)#but y'know what can you do#(go to therapy i should go to therapy)#bee buzz
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Why is it that when I'm sick, finishing work late because a load of people didn't show up and ongoing work drama, stressed about my upcoming essay and still have a hour walk before I can get home, my dad is apparently kicking off and threatening to kick me out when I'm not even there??
#ace is a mess#+Extra#personal#apparently hes kicking off about the fact i 'chose to pay off my loan' which isnt true i didnt get any tuition loan this year so i have to#pay it out of pocket and unlike some students i absolutely will not be receiving any financial support to do so so im working to pay it off#and hes apparently fuming about it and is bringing up the fact i owe him money cus when i asked for a nee laptop for Christmas for uni#and repeatedly specified that i just wanted the cheapest most basic option possible and even found several under the budget for gifts#my dad decided to get a more expensive one with a bigger screen which is not what i asked for or needed!! a bigger screen makes it#ten times more cumbersome to take to class for notes and assignments and ive ended up still having to borrow uni laptops regardless all#cus hes got some ongoing issue about me having my own finances & not being financially dependent on him so he keeps making a point about it#hes so transparent that its all a fcking control thing as it has been since i chose what i wanted to do at college and he didnt approve#and i didnt change it and stuck with it regardless because my career plans have nothing to do with him honestly#btching that if i can afford to pay off my loans i can afford to pay him back which i cant! i cant afford my tuition thats why im staying#over summer to keep working so i can pay off my debt im not paying it off i never had it im in debt! and if i dont pay it i wont be able#to continue with uni whereas he technically still owes me 2k he can be fcking patient about his money which i knew this was gonna happen#when he kept insisting there might not be cheap options available despite me finding multiple 🙄#you know i get asked a lot why ive ended up at unis so far north when im from the south and its like i had to get away being half a days#drive away is the only way for my parents to physically leave me alone theyll still hound my phone but thats what airplane mode is for
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not my brain trying desperately to think about planning my next oneshot instead of doing what I’m supposed to be doing which is reviewing the peloponnesian war to teach it tomorrow.
#i need to make these slides more simplified bc if i barely understand the politics my students sure the fuck wont#anyways i might make a post thinking about my oneshot but then im gonna make myself work#me and my flop 10-20 kudos v*ltron oneshots are having so much fun#i havent had this much personal satisfaction for this easy of an effort level in years it is making me love writing fic again#not that i dont love my bigger stories like i think about sinite parvula every single day and i think about the vampire western every day to#o but those both involve a lot of moving parts and foreshadowing and more characters to characterize and more details of timing and setting#and research etc like those are HIGH effort and I LOVE THAT i just am in graduate school so most of my life is high effort#and my burnout burned through fanfic writing as well#but these one shots where i am not googling a single goddamn thing and im just writing based on vibes and a constant reminder that#it is okay to suck bc thise fanom is so dead either no one will read it or they will be grateful for new content#so if my dialogue is clunky or my plot is contrived who gives a shit bc I am having fun and feeling emotions
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*head in hands* university,,,,,,,,, whyyyy,,,,,,,
#catfish speaks#im so. argh. i knew id probably fail this course too. i just. id hoped maybe i would pass#literally all i wanted was a pass#it just. argh#like its sure only a minor setback but it paints a bigger picture#im just not cut out to dedicate my life to studying anymore#uni is not in my priorities and it just cant be#im tired enough from work and i have no motivation to apply to studying a degree that makes no sense anymore#which is a big fucking shame#cos like. i would love to have that degree#i bled for it#it sucks that its being kept from me#and I've also sunk SO much money into it#mostly from my parents and they're gonna be. so pissed if i drop out#but like. i just dont know if continuing on is worth it#and im only 25 i could come back to a degree much later#when im properly settled and sorted and can actually dedicate time and energy to it cos i Want to#rather than because its an arbitrary goal that someone else wants me to get????#like christ. im so. agh#and i KNOW every person in my life will be telling me to finish it#and they mean well but dude im genuinely so fucking tired#i actually dont think i can successfully do it#and there's only so much failure i can take#i have other shit i want to do#and i know people who don't have any degrees and are fine#and irs not like i don't have the experience or knowledge#according yo most people everything you need for jobs in rhis field you learn on the job anyway#it is literally just the degree certificate that costs thousands to get that they want its so stupid#i have so many skills and so much knowledge#im so employable. its actually so dumb that a piece of paper is the barrier. Christ
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if we are not established friends - and i mean we talk often or at length with clear enthusiasm from both sides. both of which had a normal relationship development rate YOU CANNOT SPAM MESSAGE ME OR VENT UR SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!
#personal#i’m gonna sound very mean i’m gonna very mean#before that first. 💯% my own fault!#okay not 100 but mostly#like do i start these convos or look for these connections. NO! but they come to me and i don’t shut them down#which makes me feel awful bc imagine trying to establish a friendship with someone and thinking okay we’re talking more this is going good#but from their side they are genuinely getting frustrated and annoyed at the frequency and just message itself and frankly you#the morally correct thing would be being the bigger person and saying no i’m sorry im not feeling this. but also that’s so much.#and i’d feel so bad when obviously this makes the other party feel like shit#but onto mean meaner than that whole bit i am straight stating to hate this girl im talking to#it feels like she doesn’t have a life outside of me sometimes!!!!!!!#like she sends an iphone game i respond within whatever length of time and regardless if it’s a minute or 3 hours she responds within the#same MINUTE. EVERYTIME#she’s asking about random people i kinda know she’s asking if i know anyone who needs a roommate or a laptop or a place she can stay#i’m not an asshole i was like okay are you okay and safe and she was but also just not ideal circumstances#she’s messaging me about instagram posts i like she’s asking questions about isreal and i wish i was joking#but at her grown ass adult age she’s referring to russia isreal etc as a bag of poops#this is bc i posted about the new cap movie and to not support it and also disney being evil blah blah#but she’s asking questions about israel and disney and. i have to answer bc it’s great for people to ask questions especially about this#but lord all mighty above it hurt. and she’s doing that thing of explaining that she did something but DOES support the movement but still#did a thing and is looking for validation which. is never fun.#like you don’t have to tell me that you have a disney plus account but you feel bad you know?#and she just messaged me about some dude ignoring her i think the ex that cheated idk#also the dude who asked for ten bucks he asked to talk twice this week and i was like no. bc i didn’t want to#once i figure out that i can block people purely for annoying me it’s over#it doesn’t matter if they haven’t done anything objectively wrong i’m allowed to say no more#straight up i’m just gonna start ignoring messaging from people i don’t fuck with#like second i dont have people im like okay i feel too bad to not respond to im never doing this shit again.#like nothing worse than working a 12 hour than getting a message from someone who’s humor and texting style you can’t stand asking to talk#i think partially i’m depressed but i am sick of talking to people bc THEY like me duh im easy to like i don’t like you back bc ur not
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Yall ever get super salty when you see one of your old bullies at a gathering? Cus I do
#she was at my brother and my S-I-L's baby shower#i was talking shit about her 75% of the time#she was a total bitch#yall are gonna learn VERY QUICKLY that i do not practice what i preach all the time#ESPECIALLY when it comes to being the bigger person when i see someone that wronged me#when they go low i go lower#and im not proud of it all the time I'll tell you that much#like- im absolutely not proud of how i get on ppls level but i do it anyway
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