#im not gonna be the bigger person this time
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if i turn on anon asks again will you guys promise to behave
#im not gonna be the bigger person this time#if you send me hate TRUST that you will be found and blocked and i'll probably draw smthn stupid about it🙏🏽#i'll only let you stay if its funny hate#psa if u do have a genuine issue youd like to talk out my dms are always open#im here to have fun w y'all and i want my space to be a good space for myself and others#i'll only entertain “negative” asks/dms if they bring up genuine issues that can be resolved with a convo#idk what word to use in place of negative. not happy asks that arent deranged or just straight up hate is what i mean
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I somehow only Just noticed how Lucifer's wings move when he laughs in Surprise Guest interactions and I'm. Kind of obsessed? Like that's inexplicably adorable what
I've been due for some wings brainrot for a while now, hoping this one sticks around for a while afhsfjsf the tails got more than their fair share of my attention i Need to be spinning the concept of wings around in my brain at all times for the next three months At Least--
(Bonus hc infodump in the tags bc I have minimal self restraint)
#obey me#obey me headcanons#<- all in the tags💀#obey me nightbringer#obey me lucifer#lucifer#how have i not fully processed this big scary* demon having big fluffy probably emotionally reactive wings#his feathers probably fluff up when he's content and comfy#he 100% uses them to make himself seem even bigger and more threatening when he feels like he needs to#which now has lost its threatening capabilities to me bc he's just doing Bird Things xfjjgxgx#he's threatening enough on his own adding the bird tactics on top just loops back around to Little Guy territory somehow--#anyways wings good#they probably make nice sounds when they move and the feathers brush against each other and they're probably really soft in some places and#he'd probably start purring if you pet them (while you're alone ofc lol) especially the places closer to his back#or wherever else he might struggle to reach himself#I'm gonna be so real tho i think doing anything that could qualify as preening to Any of the former/current angels would get to them a bit-#Lucifer would be more subject to returning the favor tho (subconsciously or intentionally. probably both at different times lmao)#the instinct/cultural association with it has died down a bit in the rest of the brothers (at least conciously)#bc it did mostly just apply to helping other angels they were close with with their wings specifically#so lucifer being the only one with feathers would've probably had that habit/association stay more ingraned than it did for the rest of them#bc he'd be reminded of it all the time#ok i should make an actual post about this at some point i think instead of dumping it in the tags bc jfc-#bc im about to start spiraling into how the brothers adapted to their new bodies and being so out of their own culture when they fell#and etc etc#and I'll yap for Years and also maybe cry a lil--#tldr Preening As A Sign Of Affection (mutual) and it effects Lucifer the most for several reasons#personal headcanons
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"Don't vote for Kamala!!"
..who else are we gonna vote for? Trump 😐? Be so fucking fr. Be so GOD DMN FR rn.
It's between her and HIM. And no, there are no relevant candidates that'll meet expectations cuz unfortunately, everyone fucking sucks and we can't have the super cool president that respects everyone and loves everyone. Those don't exist.
Don't do this shit cuz yall wanna act like not voting is gonna save anyone or anything. Cuz that's how we ended up with Trump as president in the first place 😐 stop.
#j.p speaks#kamala harris#im so TIRED of people#i usually dont care about politics but GOD!!!! DONT VOTE FOR TRUMP !!!#this is the only time ill speak on this shit dont piss me off#yall wanna be moral high roaders so fuckin bad and forget the bigger picture#not voting isnt gonna make you a better person. it makes you fucking stupid
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#art summary#i have to clear out my phone. im hoping that if i remove all the nier rein screenshots ill have space#im almost certain its all the rein screenshots cause. they’re bigger than most pics and i had a lot#otherwise im not cooked but god i hope its that easy#i dont make resolutions but i hope i draw more next year#the problem with art summaries is youll have months where you draw a lot#months where yiu draw 10 good things and then every other month is empty#but you drew. so you cant look at art summaries with emoty months and get sad#but like i didn’t draw as much this year lmao too much going on in my head#i was gonna say i rarely drew but i draw so much more than the average person#what i really mean is i didn’t finish anything#i was in my dA gallery the other day and I really used to draw a fully colored piece everyday on high school#absolutely mad. and we (me and my friends) all used to do it#i just had a thought: a majority of my friends draw <- thoughts for later#i had to answer the door so I forgot what i was talking about#i think that. what i was getting at was that behavior really screws up what’s a healthy relationship with art?#like when you’re a kid you have time and when you’re inexperienced and don’t know you’re more forgiving on your mistakes#whereas now if i draw one thing a week thats a job well done to me. im so busy i can’t take it out on myself and i dont#and of course the sms algorithm but I don’t play with the algorithm#but yeah everyone i grew up drawing with friends or ppl i follow stopped drawing or just posting a lot and I’ve been thinking about it a lot#an artist i really like used to post a whole bunch of art dumps everyday. just doodles on different series and i loved seeing them#but they stopoed posting. working on being that kind of artist for me. we got xx art at home situation#if any of that makes sense
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deciding which ideas to draw lately
#too many things to draw!!!#i need to do the zukka spiderverse poll winner and i have sooo many funny little mini comics and two bigger angst ones and my oc stuff#anyway. i drew none of those and this instead#i would say there's a big storm coming but im not sure what i'll actually be able to finish. or which ones to prioritize....#i should do a poll of which ones to do but fluff always wins#which. should show me what i should draw but WHATEVER#yall don't wanna see bloody battlefied sokka sokka? OR yall don't wanna see ruining friendships by getting together?#or zuko leaving abandonment-issues-sokka via letter???#well TOO BAD. you're gonna get those comics.... if i can finish them#and i have spiderverse art AAHHH the time!!!!#apologies for the abundance of personal posts im going insane. biting the bars of my enclosure
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw negative#cw health issues#‘You’re such a heartless and hateful person.’ well have you ever considered that i’m not really a hateful person and i just hate You#like. call me whatever you want to i guess. im definitely selfish and probably heartless but hateful? idk abt that.#i only feel like i hate people that have given me good fucking reason to. sorry i dont have an infinite supply of tolerance & forgiveness??#but im a wee bit fucking stressed so you’ll have to forgive me for being a bitch. well no one Has to forgive me. do whatever you want#‘That 10-day old pasta salad is making me feel sick.’ MF that was made TODAY. IT’S FRESH AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT#if you feel sick how about you look down at the fifteen empty beer cans on the floor next to you and ask them what they think did it#dumbass. whatever man i have bigger problems than your self-induced tummy ache#i feel sick too but i know it’s my fault so i’m not bitching about it. i gave you fresh food while I ate the old stuff to keep from wasting#food. because you act like you’re fucking allergic to leftovers. and yeah it had probably gone off and that’s why I feel sick#but what you ate tonight was fresh as could be so we’re sick for two Very different reasons. and i know how to admit when it’s my fault#everything is my fault. my teeth and gums hurt and that’s My fault for not taking care of them. apparently 3 root canals wasn’t enough#for me to learn my goddamn lesson. i never do. so i’ll have to spend more money on that soon and thats My fault. the dog’s teeth need#cleaning too and that’ll come out of my pocket and i guess that’s My fault for not taking care of him either#i think i have another goddamn UTI and that’s definitely My fault so another $100 trip to urgent care it is i guess!#my Random Nerve Pain has moved to my hands so i can’t use them too much or it fucking hurts and i guess that’s my fault???#my neck pain is back and thats my fault for not clearing my bed off enough to sleep in a comfortable position#my eye keeps twitching and i guess that’s my fault too. i don’t know anymore i just wanna throw in the towel man im so tired#god the UTI tests i wasted money on are arriving tomorrow and if they’re packed in a way that shows what’s inside then i’ll have to explain#That to whoever brings in the mail. great great something else to worry about all night#the living room floor is caving in so now there’s Two room’s floors that need fixing so that’s super fucking fun! 😃#i need to talk to my bank and i need to talk to a tax professional and i need to learn to drive and i need to get an autism diagnosis#well i don’t Need the last one but i want it so bad. but im scared. that i’ll go to all this trouble and they’ll say i don’t qualify#and god it’s NYE now. Besties i’m not gonna get that NMbD NYE fic ready in time. i just can’t make myself write these days. i’m sorry.#i doubt anyone is gonna be That disappointed but I Am. in myself. 3 fucking years now i’ve failed to finish it. w h y. i Want to write but#there’s just too much on me rn. but when is there Not. sigh. idk what i’m gonna do but something needs to change. in my life. soon.
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realized last night that getting into stained glass... i can make stained glass pendants, too... jewelry with stained glass...
#i also have a ton of ideas for smaller pieces that will be affordable#bc the worst part of stained glass is how expensive it is#but if i play with a lot of 2nd hand material and am smart with sourcing my supplies i can probably get some really nice stuff for 30-40#i mean I DO want to play with bigger pieces really bad#id LOVE to make big window pieces#but im gonna start with doing that for myself i think since investing the time in something worth hundreds of dollars uh. isn't the#smartest move unless its a personal piece#idk! Im excited. idk how much other people dig stained glass but I certainly love the look of it
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not skinny people getting butthurt in the notes on that last rb come on guys 😭😭 sooooo sensitive lmfao shut up
#i truly believe people who have never been fat just. lack some kind of understanding of the world#there's just certain basic shit they can't seem to understand#'body shaming' literally stfu society is built for people our size#do u have any idea how easy it is for me to buy clothes at my size now? besties i can just waltz into any old store#thrifting is a breeze when you're below a size 12#and that's not bragging it actually makes me so angry#because for years i could not do that. any store was a risk#i could only really go shopping with other plus sized people because it was just such a different (and more challenging) process#not to mention more expensive (i just used to have fewer clothes and i'd do more alterations)#the seething rage i feel every time i see a rack full of sizes 0-12 and nothing bigger is never gonna go away#especially considering that like im not gonna be the same size forever im gonna eventually be 45 and gain weight again#and that would be absolutely fine except for the part where fat women get treated like shit#buying clothes is soooo tip of the iceberg that's tame#try going to the doctor as a fat person!#sorry i know im preaching to the choir im just tipsy and pissed off lol#bri babbles
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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The babygurl is home! 💜💜💜 Both the plushie and the stand are bigger than I expected 😂💕 The plushie is from the Sanrio Collab, which is my fave bc he got matched up with Hello Kitty (I love the small blush on his cheeks 😆😆) and then the stand is from the "Ouji Ishou" set, which I bought solely because he looks like a RoFan Manhwa ML here ✨ (I have an AU WIP about this aaamdbdndhd)
Finally...Hibird is not owner-less anymore in terms of plushie
#personal#hibari kyoya#BOTH MERCH LOOK SO MUCH BETTER IRL THAN THE PICTURES I SAW IN THE LISTINGS MDBDKDJSSK IM GLAD#IT GOT DELIVERED SOONER TOO I THOUGHT I'LL HAVE TO WAIT TILL LATE MAY#DEPRESSION CURED MY CROPS ARE FLOURISHING MY SKIN IS CLEAR#im gonna need a slightly bigger bag if i wanna bring him(and hibird) outside tho mdbdndbsjd#khr merch#one problem i can't make his sleeves go down fmdbdndhdj#i think it was bc he was packed like that for a while so it's gonna take time 🤣🤣🤣#or maybe it's rlly like that oh well
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Guess who fucked her wrists up during work because he refused to go on a single break because he felt like that's the only way to prove she's not useless since her autism stops her from doing anything a person his age "should" do
#its me. if you couldn't guess#i did that#i didnt do any actual damage to my wrists but they are in pain and i can already feel that its gonna get worse#and ill probably have an awful time trying to sleep because of it#and look.#i know that im not useless#i know that prople who have similar or bigger struggles aremt useless either#i dont believe that anyone's worth depends on having a job or being productive or whatever#i do know that#but sometimes even when you know something you dont feel it#yknow what i mean#and this blueberry plantation is the only job i can have right now#im not built for a dayjob but im able to work for a few hours with saplings every now and then#though that is. very physically tiring#which is also extra frustrating to me as a young person#because the other older ladies at the job always make me feel like im not allowed to be tired or in pain because im young#so i never say that im tired until im alone w my mom#and i want to prove that im not a useless parasite. i can do some work. so i might as well give my all#and dont take any breaks#im not trying to excuse hurting myself#but you know. its hard to think straight and respect myself sometimes#sometimes its easier to hurt myself in ways that make other people think good of me#im treating myself to some snacks now tho#gonna go buy myself some chips and smoke s cigarette and watch silly videos and play games and go to bed#and yes i know that being kind to myself after i was cruel to myself doesnt fix that#i shouldn't have the mindset of#yeah im being unnecessarily cruel to myself but at least im gonna reward myself later :)#but y'know what can you do#(go to therapy i should go to therapy)#bee buzz
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Why is it that when I'm sick, finishing work late because a load of people didn't show up and ongoing work drama, stressed about my upcoming essay and still have a hour walk before I can get home, my dad is apparently kicking off and threatening to kick me out when I'm not even there??
#ace is a mess#+Extra#personal#apparently hes kicking off about the fact i 'chose to pay off my loan' which isnt true i didnt get any tuition loan this year so i have to#pay it out of pocket and unlike some students i absolutely will not be receiving any financial support to do so so im working to pay it off#and hes apparently fuming about it and is bringing up the fact i owe him money cus when i asked for a nee laptop for Christmas for uni#and repeatedly specified that i just wanted the cheapest most basic option possible and even found several under the budget for gifts#my dad decided to get a more expensive one with a bigger screen which is not what i asked for or needed!! a bigger screen makes it#ten times more cumbersome to take to class for notes and assignments and ive ended up still having to borrow uni laptops regardless all#cus hes got some ongoing issue about me having my own finances & not being financially dependent on him so he keeps making a point about it#hes so transparent that its all a fcking control thing as it has been since i chose what i wanted to do at college and he didnt approve#and i didnt change it and stuck with it regardless because my career plans have nothing to do with him honestly#btching that if i can afford to pay off my loans i can afford to pay him back which i cant! i cant afford my tuition thats why im staying#over summer to keep working so i can pay off my debt im not paying it off i never had it im in debt! and if i dont pay it i wont be able#to continue with uni whereas he technically still owes me 2k he can be fcking patient about his money which i knew this was gonna happen#when he kept insisting there might not be cheap options available despite me finding multiple 🙄#you know i get asked a lot why ive ended up at unis so far north when im from the south and its like i had to get away being half a days#drive away is the only way for my parents to physically leave me alone theyll still hound my phone but thats what airplane mode is for
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not my brain trying desperately to think about planning my next oneshot instead of doing what I’m supposed to be doing which is reviewing the peloponnesian war to teach it tomorrow.
#i need to make these slides more simplified bc if i barely understand the politics my students sure the fuck wont#anyways i might make a post thinking about my oneshot but then im gonna make myself work#me and my flop 10-20 kudos v*ltron oneshots are having so much fun#i havent had this much personal satisfaction for this easy of an effort level in years it is making me love writing fic again#not that i dont love my bigger stories like i think about sinite parvula every single day and i think about the vampire western every day to#o but those both involve a lot of moving parts and foreshadowing and more characters to characterize and more details of timing and setting#and research etc like those are HIGH effort and I LOVE THAT i just am in graduate school so most of my life is high effort#and my burnout burned through fanfic writing as well#but these one shots where i am not googling a single goddamn thing and im just writing based on vibes and a constant reminder that#it is okay to suck bc thise fanom is so dead either no one will read it or they will be grateful for new content#so if my dialogue is clunky or my plot is contrived who gives a shit bc I am having fun and feeling emotions
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genuine question is having a flatmate ever a pleasant experience
#big rant in the tags#i love my flatmate as a friend we get on great (we were friends already) but my godddd i'm pulling my hair out rn#life was so peaceful when i lived alone i want that back so bad it was so chill i didn't have to worry about anything#genuinely why is it so hard for people to be clean. and take the fucking bins out. and just wipe the table after they get crumbs everywhere#and i get that my standards of cleanliness are very high im not expecting that i know it's not gonna be spotless all the time#but there should at least be some sort of attempt. i've not seen her get the hoover out or mop ONCE. and it's always me taking the fucking#genuinely her gf has cleaned up more than she has. but they generate so much mess together and never fucking clean it#came back saturday night after being at home for 2 1/2 weeks (she'd already been back for a week with her gf) and the bins were piled high#and the sink was just so gross with food and stains and gross shit idek and the floor clearly hadn't been hoovered since i did it before#i left to go home. and her and her gf have got so many little kinder toys and lego pieces out on the shelves in the living room so it looks#all messy and listen that'd be fine if she was the one dusting those shelves but it's always me having to wipe down the surfaces and it's#so annoying having to move everything each time. bear in mind she has the bigger room so she has space for all that stuff in there#and today i got home from uni went to grab a bowl and tbh at least her gf had unloaded the dishwasher but she'd put away a bowl that#clearly hadn't been washed properly by the dishwasher how do you see something like that and put that away in the cupboard#i probably sound insane rn but it's so fucking annoying to have to clean up after another person yet alone another person's gf#and before u say just talk to her 1) i have already when i first had to have a conversation with her about her gf coming to stay for 1 mont#that's a whole other issue and 2) i shouldn't have to constantly remind a grown adult to fuckin clean up after themselves in a shared space#thank fuck we have separate bathrooms because i would kms i fear#thing is in february and march im gonna be out of the city for one of my placements i'm already stressed enough about having to move#and i want to be able to come back at the weekend to recharge and see friends but im just scared that it'll be a mess whenever i do#idk man i just think it's disrespectful like this has been my home for over 3 years i care about this flat a lot and it pisses me off to#see shit that gets spilt on the floor not getting cleaned up.... okay enough i just got myself all worked up again#.txt
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primal urge to dig a hole and stick my head in it like an ostrich or whatver
#i cant DO THISSSSS#boy im talking to is really nice and made it clear hes alr sweet on me#which is cute <3 BUT I CANT DO ANYTHINGGGGGG JFCCCCCC#like i havr no idea if this is a i just need to befriend him first then i catch feelings#or if its a i really am just Not Attracted to Men#like my mom has ramped up the 'find ur husband in college' and idk what prayers shes doin but its getting me 😭😭😭#also hes like really enthusiastic and flirting and i feel so bad bc i just Am not There Right Now#i need to meet this man in person so i can just get my head togetehr i swear#but im gonna feel so bad if i basically have strung him along and have to reject him after the first date#idk i lwok figured most ppl would like text a little over teh break but hes so committed#like replyibg multiple times a day#which notmally love that enegry#but now i gotta figure my head out a lit faster#i think that. i want to die alone agctually#like this is too much man i havr bigger issues j need to be EMPLOYED next year#sigh#SIGHHHHHHHHH#glow gabs
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*head in hands* university,,,,,,,,, whyyyy,,,,,,,
#catfish speaks#im so. argh. i knew id probably fail this course too. i just. id hoped maybe i would pass#literally all i wanted was a pass#it just. argh#like its sure only a minor setback but it paints a bigger picture#im just not cut out to dedicate my life to studying anymore#uni is not in my priorities and it just cant be#im tired enough from work and i have no motivation to apply to studying a degree that makes no sense anymore#which is a big fucking shame#cos like. i would love to have that degree#i bled for it#it sucks that its being kept from me#and I've also sunk SO much money into it#mostly from my parents and they're gonna be. so pissed if i drop out#but like. i just dont know if continuing on is worth it#and im only 25 i could come back to a degree much later#when im properly settled and sorted and can actually dedicate time and energy to it cos i Want to#rather than because its an arbitrary goal that someone else wants me to get????#like christ. im so. agh#and i KNOW every person in my life will be telling me to finish it#and they mean well but dude im genuinely so fucking tired#i actually dont think i can successfully do it#and there's only so much failure i can take#i have other shit i want to do#and i know people who don't have any degrees and are fine#and irs not like i don't have the experience or knowledge#according yo most people everything you need for jobs in rhis field you learn on the job anyway#it is literally just the degree certificate that costs thousands to get that they want its so stupid#i have so many skills and so much knowledge#im so employable. its actually so dumb that a piece of paper is the barrier. Christ
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