#i definitely got a little ramble-y and this isnt super articulate but long answer short:

[pierrotdoesnteat]

is it normal to have this creeping fear whenever ur parent is coming up stairs? shes not like abusive or anything i just cannot handle her yelling at me again is this normal, im asking u because i think ur the oldest of all my moots so

okay sorry for talking a lil bit to reply to this, i really wanted to think of the right way to respond to this because obviously im not you and i dont know the relationship you have with your parents/household/etc and can only base my answer off of my own experiences and i want to answer it as carefully as i can i have believed that there is no harder time period in someones life than being like, 13-17 years old (even without the addition of mental and physical health issues) pretty much since i was 13 and im saying this as nicely as possible, we're on edblr rn. if youre here you probably struggle with some stuff and the combination of those with being in an incredibly difficult period of your life can be terrifying and i think that the further a lot of adults get from those years, the less they seem to remember what that felt like. you may have a good relationship (or maybe not) with your parent but its a lot easier for the negative moments to stick in your mind and come back when the emotions you feel are similar to what you felt then; my relationship with my mom was incredibly rocky pretty much up to the time that i was 20 to the extent that i willingly moved in with my incredibly distant father and stepmother for several months (which i can admit, i wasnt an easy kid or teenager), and there was a period of time where i knew how the stairway in the house creaked under different peoples footsteps (even the animals) and could prepare myself for whoever was coming, and i used to hallucinate my mom yelling my name when i would put my headset on. the older i get the more im able to seperate what was genuinely deserved, what was heat of the moment, and the things that i do wish she would apologize for and its stayed pretty important for mending that relationship now that theres space.

with that being said, even if a relationship is good a lot of the time, even if it isnt abusive, if you experience something over and over again, and in the same place/by the same person each time, like being yelled at, it can make the way you feel about that experience/person/place worse over time and it weighs a lot heavier on you each time, especially if its happening often enough that you dont really get to decompress or process the emotions, it can feel really hard to manage those emotions and i can entirely understand how you would feel fear because of that. if you feel like it would be a possibility, there have been times where ive written down a few moments that stand out more than others and asked my mom if she remembered them or what caused them and it helps to talk through them, but if you don't feel like that would be a safe option, try channeling the way you feel about it into hobbies. i personally find art journaling really helpful, or even just getting out of the house for a walk to have some space apart both physically and to let the emotion of both people and place settle, if that makes sense.

if all that got a little long/confusing im sorry and you are completely free to DM me or send asks with more questions if you need