#I didn't tell my family I was getting it until the day of

[sugdenlovesdingle]

a little Tommy & Chim bffs for @rileychester

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"Her ladyship requests, no demands, uncle Buck reading her a story before bed instead of her own mother." Maddie said, walking back into the livingroom after having gone to put Jee to bed half an hour ago.

"What can I say, it's not easy being this popular." Buck joked and extracted himself from where he'd been happily tucked under Tommy's arm on Maddie and Chimney's way too comfortable sofa. He quickly kissed Tommy, murmured something about being right back, and followed Maddie up to Jee's room.

Tommy watched him until he was out of the room and then turned back to Chim who was laughing at him.

"Damn Kinard you've got it bad."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Tommy said, trying to act somewhat cool and hide his reddening cheeks behind his wine glass.

"Yeah I'm sure you don't." Chim took a sip of his own drink. "I mean I love Maddie more than anything in the world, but I don't kiss her goodbye when she leaves the room."

"Well maybe you should start." Tommy told him. If he was getting called out, he might as well own it. "It's working pretty well for us."

"She'd probably think I was going crazy and call Hen to come check me over. Who would then also ask me if I'd lost my mind." He said and they both laughed. "But it's good to see you so happy, man. Both of you. Even if I never in a million years would have guessed that you two would end up together."

"Me neither really." Tommy admitted. "I actually almost let your call go to voicemail that night. My shift was almost over and there was bad weather coming in... I just wanted to go home and catch up on some sleep."

"And there was me asking you to steal a helicopter because of a hunch. I'm sure Bobby is still very grateful you didn't ignore me." Chim said and raised his glass at him. "To team who cares!"

Tommy clinked his glass against Chim's.

"Bobby isn't the only one who's grateful. If I hadn't answered that call, i would have missed out on the greatest thing that ever happened to me. i wouldn't have met the love of my life. I wouldn't be here now. I might have downloaded that dating app again that I'd deleted off my phone a few days before or taken Lucy up on her offer to set me up with her friend." Tommy shook his head. "I'm just glad I did answer. it definitely changed my life for the better."

"You're getting sappy in your old age, Kinard." Chimney teased. "When is the wedding? Do I have time to buy a hat?" he joked, expecting Tommy to laugh with him. Only when he didn't say anything Chim really looked at him. "What? Tell me you didn't..."

"I asked Evan to marry me last night." Tommy told him after a beat. "He said yes."

Chimney blinked a few times to process the information.

"Of course he said yes! He's just as crazy about you as you are about him." he got up to hug his friend. "Welcome to the family, man. We'll officially be brothers."

Tommy smiled and finished the last of his wine.

"There is one thing I wanted to talk to you about though..."

"Shoot."

"When Evan and I get married... will you be my best man?"

"It would be the greatest honour of my life."

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Send me a prompt and I'll write you a ficlet!

[jjkarmy091]

Second Best- Jungkook (part 6)

Summary: Being friends with someone who has your heart it’s already hard, let alone when that special someone ends up falling in love with your best friend, the one you think would never make anything to hurt you . Will you be able to ignore it and move on? what will happen when everything gets too much for you to handle?

Genre: Friends to lovers; angst; body insecurities; bullying; friend betrayel;

Pairing: Jungkook x female!reader

Jungkook woke up around 9:30 am. The first thing he did was check his phone in case he had any notifications from Y/n, but had none. He was seriously getting worried about this lack of response. Had something happened with the person Y/n left with? If that was the case he would never be able to forgive himself. He knew he should have gone after her, he's so stupid. 

He got up, took a quick shower, got dressed, grabbed his keys and left, he couldn’t keep up with this uneasy feeling. Putting his helmet on, he drove to the coffee shop Y/n worked. He knew her shifts very well, and that was the only place he could find her. When he got there, he parked his bike, took a deep breath and got in looking everywhere for her but still no Y/n in sight. 

“Hey there moto boy. What can I get you?” Sana asked. Jungkook looked kinda confused. “I was actually looking for Y/n. Is she on her break?” Sana frowned and looked at him suspiciously. 

“You’re kidding right?” Sana exclamed. “You are always together and talk to each otherall the time when you aren’t. You can’t tell me you didn’t know she took some days off” 

The world fell at Jungkook's feet upon hearing that. Y/n took a few days off and didn't even answered to his texts or deign to call? what the fuck was going on. Jungkook nodded his head, said thank you and left, picking his phone up instantly to call Y/n. “The person you called is not available. Please try again later” 

Fuck. Me

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Y/n fell in love with that place as soon as she saw it. Everywhere she looked she she felt immense peace and everything seemed so quiet and cozy, everything to make the weight on her shoulders disappear. Upon entering the chalet, they were immediately greeted by a gentleman at the entrance who directed them to the reception.

After checking in and receive the keys, they picked up their luggage and followed the gentlemanto the elevator, who was showing them the way to their "apartment”. Y/n couldn’t believe what her eyes were seeing. Walking in, she’s faced with a very nice living room, with wooden walls and gray furniture. It had shelves with books, among other really cute stuff decorating the place. All very neutral and very light, exactly what she needed. On the coffee table was champagne and a plate with strawberries and chocolate with a small note saying "we hope you enjoy your stay as much as we enjoy your presence. Thanks for choosing us. Have fun" 

From the living room they went to the bedroom to organize their things. When they walked in Y/n was even more astonished. From their bed they had a view of the outside. She always loved snow and being there was filling her heart with so much happiness she wished she could live there forever.

“Where did you find this place and how can you afford it for both of us?!” Y/n exclaimed. Lisa looked at her with a funny look “My dad owns it. A benefit of traveling so much and not seeing his family for so long, not everything can be bad. I used to come here for Christmast and New year. It's crazy during those days and you know me, I love crazy and those were my favourite moments here”

Y/n laughed. Only Lisa could say something like that. 

“So… You know how to ski right?” Lisa asked out of nowhere. “Oh hell no Lisa, no way, not right now, we just got here we should—” Y/n argued back but was soon interrupted by Lisa 

“There's a snow suit in the closet on the right. We have a lot to discover we won't wait until tomorrow. You rest during the night. Come on princess, time is money” Y/n huffed while getting her suit to start putting it on.  How could Lisa have so much energy was something she couldn't understand.

They both got dressed and head out of the chalet. Y/n was amazed by the view, everything was perfect. But it’s not an adventure if something doesn't go right for Y/n. Out of nowhere she lost sight of Lisa, making her panick. She had no idea where she was.

Y/n looked around trying to see her friend but couldn’t identify anyone who would look like her. She started walking around worried about straying too far from where Lisa last saw her. Y/n was so distracted that she didn't even notice anyone coming close to her, ending up colliding with that person, causing her to lose balance and fall. The other person quickly knelt down, stretching out his hand to help her until she heard “Y/n?” 

She looked up, took the stranger's hand and straightened her hair a little, trying to understand where she recognized that voice from, until the stranger took the protective mask off his eyes and saw him.

“Taehyung?”  

Tags: @esposadomd @joonlover1207 @eegyo @furrywonderlandwolf @minghaosimp @differentrunawayperson @nikkinikj @jksusawife @11thenightwemet11 @jk97bam @11thenightwemet11 @cryingoverpixelsetc @bhonbhon @lostinneocity @almostpurplelady @meowforluv

[abbysimsfun]

Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 84 (Checking In On the Clinic - and Another Baby Boom??)

cw: it's not a Conther baby I'll just say that right now. Sorry!

On top of her responsibilities to her family, Heather worked hard to keep Buttercup Pet Clinic's great reputation, but life at work was rarely easy.

She'd recently noticed a dip in her ratings and was tech-savvy enough to realize she'd been targeted. She traced the IPs to an address connected to George Brindleton's old company and gave the evidence to Conrad.

"He's trying to hurt my business because he's still sore over losing his, but as long as he's not going after the kids, I can take whatever he wants to throw at me. My clients know how good we are."

Conrad remembered his threat to sniff around Brindleton & Sons old financial files, but with this evidence he had cause for something better. "We're filing a restraining order," he insisted. "For you and the kids, because next time he might try to do more than hire a bot farm to drag your reviews down. But if I have to stay away from him, too, I can't look into his finances, if it comes to it."

"Is a restraining order really necessary? What if it makes him more upset? I'll always let you know if I hear from him again, but I'd love to just forget we ever met him."

Conrad nodded apologetically. "It's necessary. He just needed to do something stupid like this before I could file for one. Just keep focused on your clinic. I've got my eye on George Brindleton."

Heather tried to increase the value of her clinic's furnishings, but she lacked a real aesthetic eye and now she also had marketing expenses. With every passing day she worked hard, and though sometimes it never seemed enough, George Brindleton wouldn't break her.

One cold winter morning, Kaori Hayashi, Heather's best vet tech, tended to local blacksmith Abby Harms' Australian Shepherd, Jax. As Heather finished with another patient, Spencer Pancakes surprised her old friend when she brought her dog, JJ, to the clinic.

It wasn't that she'd brought her pet, as she had so many times before, but Spencer sported a sizable baby bump, too.

"Spencer! I can't believe it! I thought the doctors said-"

"They were wrong!" (Mod conflicts! Sorta wrecks the surrogacy storyline but also whatever.) "Needless to say, we didn't expect it. We kept it to ourselves until Dr. Scott said we were healthy. We wanted to tell you!"

"Are you feeling okay about it? I know you didn't want a big family."

Spencer sighed. "Everett's thrilled. I had to move another work trip to Selvadorada, but I'm making the best of it. I took my mom's advice and started painting, and it's nice that Lydia and I are pregnant at the same time. Since it's her first and I need all the help I can get, we're kind of in it together. The pregnancy really does feel like a miracle, and Everett's an incredible father."

"Your boys have a great mom, too." Spencer offered a pitiful smile, and Heather remembered her last visit with Spencer's father-in-law. "Bob came in with one of his cats back in the fall and he mentioned he was worried about you. I kept meaning to call and plan a trip like he suggested, but life's been so busy, and...I didn't want to believe what he was saying, I guess. It didn't feel like any of my business."

(Quick for new readers, Heather doesn't want to intrude on their family because Jett is her biological son with Everett, conceived via science as Heather was their surrogate. She's tried to set a clear boundary to avoid any confusion for or about toddler Jett.)

Spencer nodded. "Bob means well. And I'm doing okay, really. The baby kicks all the time. Like right now. Here: feel. Since we moved back to Henford, it's been better. We haven't had any snow yet!"

"Don't remind me. I miss the mild winters in Henford, but Ash really loves the snow. It's great enjoying it through his eyes."

"The boys love living with my parents and running through the fields like we did. Everett's family comes around all the time, and he's happier at the parish in Henford. Oh! Would you believe that old fox, Pawbin Hood, is still alive?! He's still wearing the Sherwood Forest get up you bought from the creature keeper when we were fourteen!"

"I guess I'm not surprised; I swear, the foxes will outlive us all. Everett thinks they react differently to the wild mushrooms than sims do." Gently, she steered the conversation back to her friend. "And all of that sounds great for everybody else. But what about you, Spence?"

"On days I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'm just glad everyone's there to pick up the slack."

"What about work?"

"Paused for now, I guess. At this point I won't get back to Selvadorada until this one's out of diapers." She pointed to her bump. "But if you can get away, you should come with me next time I go. You're just as good at identifying artifacts, and you love exploring the jungle as much as I do."

"I would love that," Heather said, awash with nostalgia over their first trip to the jungle for Spencer's bachelorette. After their quick visit, she tended to JJ - who was fine other than a mild case of lava nose - and she sent them on their way with a refill of organic disinfectant spray to keep treating him.

Later that afternoon, Heather took a moment to relax and hydrate when she was met by another surprise visitor. The woman walked in heavily pregnant and disguised under a bandana and sunglasses, but Heather recognized her name from her digital sign-in sheet. "Emi Wise? You used to be Emi Kudo, didn't you? You were a vet tech here when I was in high school!"

Emi looked around to ensure she didn't recognize any other faces in the lobby. "I remember you and your parents," she admitted. "When I used VetConnect to find a clinic to help my Olive, I realized Sorrel Jackson sold you this place. I like the rebrand, and I liked it even better when I saw you got away from Landgraab Corp. I think you might be the only vet in Simlandia who can help us. That's the only reason I risked coming back here."

As Heather healed Olive in an exam room, Emi noted the place hadn't changed much since she'd worked there. "You've rebranded, and you should really invest in a whole new look. My husband's an architect, and I think he could design something incredible. When Olive has to come back for her follow-up appointment, I'll bring him with me so he can get a look at the place, if you want."

"That sounds great, actually. I'm always looking for ways to really spruce this place up!"

Heather called Conrad to set one more plate at the table for dinner before she invited Emi to her home next door. Grateful for Heather's hospitality so she and Olive could rest a little before their long journey home, Emi opened up about her life in the years since she'd left Brindleton Bay in such a hurry.

"I had an affair with a married man, and he chose his wife, of course. I was so young and naive. I had no idea what to do, but I knew I couldn't stay. So I bought a one-way plane ticket to Evergreen Valley because it felt far enough away from here. I met a man and fell in love a month after I got to town, and he raised the twins like they were his own from the day they were born. We had a son together, and this one will be a girl."

"It sounds to me like everything worked out for the best. You don't have to tell me who the father is, but there are rumours around town."

(Basically, it's a good thing Kaori finished up with Jax and Mrs. Harms before Emi and Olive showed up!)

Emi's face went white. "Please don't tell him or his wife I was here. I promised I wouldn't ever ask for a thing for the boys, but if they see me here they might think I want to cause trouble."

"Your secret's safe with me," Heather promised.

True to her word, Emi brought her husband Layne for Olive's follow up, and he and Heather spoke about plans to revamp the clinic completely - a total rebuild, with class, elegance, and in keeping with Brindleton Bay's coastal charms.

Buttercup Pet Clinic was a place where people felt comfortable being open and vulnerable, and Heather heard her fair share of gossip inside the clinic walls. She was becoming something of a neighbourhood confidante, and took it seriously when people trusted her with their problems. With this in mind, Layne offered to add a small cafe - a relaxed gathering place for owners to wait for their pets and sip coffee. Heather was excited, and couldn't wait for spring to get started on construction.

As a bonafide Friend of the Animals, Heather was pretty great with her human friends, too. And she wanted her clinic to reflect that. ->

<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 1 Summary | Gen 1 Start

NOTE: So my game had ANOTHER baby boom but now I think I'm maxed and need some elders to expire before more nooboos will generate randomly. That said, in addition to Emi and her husband (Layne Wise originally known as Leoric Weild), Everett & Spencer, and Lydia & Alexander, River and Cassandra are expecting again, too! That's two more grandkids for Bella!

I checked on the Gen 1 Nesbitt household, where River and Cassandra live with Neal, Daisy, and their son Michael (plus dog Bernadette and cat Duchess) and pregnant Cass got on an autonomous video call with her mom. 🥰

NOTE 2: It's been on my list to get Heather and Spencer back to Selvadorada for almost a decade (in game!). I'm trying to complete the Jungle Explorer aspiration with Spencer, but there really has not been a good time as they both have small kids or keep getting pregnant. The aspiration isn't a requirement for this generation and more a bonus goal for me, but I really want to do it so stay tuned!

Heather's had Adventurous as a bonus trait since they went on their first trip together, and ever since then she's just been able to use it for wild woohoo and being eager and excited about the Ambrosia Society's challenge, whereas Conrad was a lot more cautious (about the latter - the wild woohoo doesn't trouble him at all!)

NOTE 3: As always, I thank @rinseesims for adding the iconic Leoric Weild from her iconic UDC to the Sims 4 gallery because he makes a great dad/architect in this universe!

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

Heey! I hope you're doing well! I would like to request a story about gp Donna having a daughter with a maid who abandoned her when the child was born. Donna raises her daughter alone and homeschool her for most of the part until her daughter tells her that she wants music lessons so Donna asks the duke a piano. The duke being all noisy gets the tea about Donna's daughter wanting music lessons and suggests Donna to hire reader as her teacher, an excellent pianist with good reputation. Both Donna and her daughter (like mother, like daughter) fall in love with reader with Donna's daughter wanting reader to become her other mom (and unlike Donna, her daughter is not that shy and is always complementing reader and dropping hints to her that Donna is very much single).

One afternoon after a lesson Donna listens to reader sing while she plays the piano and is mesmerized by her beautiful voice. Perhaps reader is singing a classical piece like Ave Maria by Schubert and that sort of reminds her of her family before the black gods faith and all that (I suppose it would make sense not to sing about other gods except for the black ones? So that's why gets more enamored with reader, for bringing her back those memories). Anywaysss, Donna with a little help from her daughter confesses to reader, who of course has fallen in love with Donna and her offspring.

welll, I hope that wasn't too much of a request 😅

Have a good day!

Yesss!!! I have to say I loved that request, thank you :D! I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!!! :)))))

Rebuilding a broken life

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Fluff, a bit of angst, Donna being Donna and a single mother, that's curious :D, G!P Donna (implied), Donna's POV

Word count: 8,709

Summary: I only have my daughter...

N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!!! Requests are open, I'm waiting yours!!! I love you all!!! :))

Sometimes I try to live in the past, to remember what those times were like, when life was much easier. I would have given anything to go back to that moment, to reject Mother Miranda's offer to make me her daughter, a Lord.

But being named Lord, obtaining the divine grace of the Black Gods didn’t illuminate my path, rather, it darkened it. I always lived isolated. I was never interested in people. They were evil, they laughed at me, at my appearance, at my scar. I could consider my transition from villager to Lord a success, since those mocking laughs turned into cries and screams of terror, but, apart from that, nothing else changed.

At least nothing that had to do with my condition as a lonely and isolated woman. The reason for the mockery and for my behavior mutated in an unpleasant way; turning me into something like a deformed monster, as much as Miranda denied it.

The Gods' whim was just a moment of fun, and with me... they went too far. Not only did my eye disappear, not only did they turn me into an unpleasant being. They also played with my body.

I didn't care too much, I got used to it soon, but I didn't know how to get used to loneliness. My solitary life only ended partially. Angie, my doll since I was a child, came to life thanks to my efforts, to my desperation to hear another voice other than those in my head.

It might seem like a positive change, in part it was, but it wasn't what I was looking for by giving myself over to the black claws of the village. Getting out of that spiral of madness and loneliness was my true goal, but things never turn out the way you expect. Neither the new parts of my body, nor my powers, nor my appearance made it change. Madness continued to eat away my brain, the madness that came from an illness that had stalked my family for years.

If you put it all together, a deformed face, a different body, terrifying powers, madness and absolute loneliness, you get a legend, a character from a scary story, you get me: the last Lord, the doll maker, Donna Beneviento.

I stopped aging. I stopped being a baseless legend to become a woman to be feared, respected or even revered. My new siblings seemed to enjoy that change, to exercise power over the rest of the villagers, to inflict terror on them.

I was never interested in that kind of power, the power to get what I wanted when I wanted and the power to never be questioned. I had become so accustomed to my solitude that it became my refuge, a refuge for all eternity.

One day, after my sister Alcina convinced me, I decided to try out what it would be like to live with someone, to hear other different voices in the mansion, and I accepted one of her maids. She was a beautiful girl. Her name was Helga.

It could have been because of the lack of habit, because of my heart's longing to not feel alone, the reasons really didn't matter. It didn't take long for me to fall in love with her. I had never believed in love, I never had the chance to experience what my books talked about. I was eager to do it, to love, to be loved.

Looking back on the past, I now think that maybe I should have thought things better, understand that love is something that happens between two people, and not just for one of them.

Helga accepted my feelings and let herself be loved by a monster like me. In her eyes I could see the lie, the deception. I could see a false smile when she heard me say: I love you. I didn't give it any importance, she had to love me.

Of course I let myself be carried away by my clumsy feelings, by my erratic heart. I took that girl. I made her mine when I wanted, when I needed. I thought everything would change from that moment on, and I was right.

I wasn’t careful when I claimed her body as mine, and there were consequences. After a few months with the illusion of living a romance, it happened, I got her pregnant. I never thought about having a family, about starting one.

I had to get used to the idea of ​​having a baby with someone who, deep down, I knew didn’t love me, but seeing my child grow in her womb mesmerized me too much. After a few months, that child came into the world, a beautiful girl, Maria Beneviento.

I came to think that I couldn’t be happier. I had a beautiful girl, a young maid at my side, everything was perfect, but, again, it was just an illusion. I remember the blizzard of that night, that terrible night.

“Shh, ti prego non piangere, tesoro…” I whispered while cradling the newborn, who wouldn't stop crying. “Oh, hai fame, vero?” I said, getting up to look for Helga, who, she told me, needed to rest.

I couldn't blame her. It had only been a week since the girl was born and she was exhausted.

I walked through the house with the girl in my arms. Poor thing, she was crying inconsolably. I looked for Helga in her room, the one she never wanted to leave. I will never be able to get over what I found.

The room was empty, there was no one there. I looked for her, but she was gone. In the baby's crib there was a note, a damn note that I burned in the fire, and whose words still burn in my heart.

I can't stand it anymore.

Everything I did, I did because I was afraid, because you scared me.

I can't stand having given my life to a monster like you, having a baby who will soon become a monster too.

I can't stay with you. I can't look my daughter in the face, a daughter I never wanted.

I never loved you, and I never will.

I'm leaving, Donna, I'm leaving forever. I wish I could have taken that innocent baby with me, but you terrify me, I know what you'll do to me.

I screamed, I cried, I hit everything within my reach. I couldn't believe those words and at the same time it seemed like I had read them somewhere else, perhaps in her sad and complacent gaze.

Without thinking twice, furious, with my daughter in my arms, I went out to look for her. It was a dark night and the snow didn't stop falling. I called out to her, I threatened her, but it was too late.

On the snowy ground there were footprints, her footprints. Desperate, I followed them, followed them until... they disappeared, they disappeared at the edge of a cliff.

Surely that stupid girl didn't know how dangerous my land was, how dangerous it was to go out at night in the middle of a blizzard.

She would never come back, she abandoned me forever, she abandoned us.

I might have thought that I had the consolation of still having my daughter, that my baby hadn't fallen into the void with her mother, but I didn't see it that way. My soul was broken in two, my heart was crushed mercilessly. That girl left me alone with my daughter, that girl never loved me.

I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have my daughter in my arms, I don't know what the consequences would have been. I spent days complaining, even though I barely had time. I was left alone, my daughter too. Helga abandoned me, but Maria was still with me. She was a newborn baby, she needed me.

Pain, suffering... at first that was what I felt when I had to take care of my daughter alone. I never knew how to do it well. I was overwhelmed several times, desperate. Then I realized what I had to do, my responsibility. I had to take care of my little girl; it didn't matter if I had to do it by myself. I had no other option.

Luckily, I managed to get used to the situation, and move on.

The years went by and my little Maria grew up, perhaps faster than I would have liked. She was a girl... well, a bit strange girl. Physically she was exactly like me, but... her personality was not similar at all.

Maria was intelligent, extremely intelligent. She was a happy, funny, outgoing and obedient child. I like to think that I was a good mother to her, although that wasn't the case.

From a very young age she had to put up with my madness. Dealing with a sick mother like me, without having anyone else (apart from Angie, of course), must have been hard for her, but she never showed it.

Eight years after that fateful night, my daughter and I lived peacefully. She knew me and understood me, and I loved her madly.

I knocked on the girl's bedroom door slowly, as it was a reasonable hour to sleep.

“Come in,” my daughter said, in a sweet voice, as always.

“Maria, it's time to sleep,” I said softly.

The girl, lying in bed, looked at me over the book she was reading with Angie, and made a gesture of silence. I couldn't help but smile and obeyed her request, slowly approaching and sitting on the mattress.

“Cinque minuti,” she whispered in an intriguing voice, turning a page. “Mamma, they've killed Dumbledore…”

“Oh,” I sighed with a tender smile, watching Maria devour the book.

“I told you Snape was a traitor from the start! I told you!” Angie shrieked, pointing at the book with her wooden hand.

“Angie, don't shout,” I told the doll, who relaxed her attitude.

“It's true, you were right, Angie,” Maria said, nodding to the doll, who laughed in satisfaction.

The little girl closed the book with a sigh of suspense and left it on the table, passing a hand over her forehead.

“Wow... it was interesting,” she said, letting me get a little closer and cover her with the sheets. “I can't wait to see what happens,” she said rubbing her hands.

“Mm,” I murmured with my eyebrow raised, arranging my daughter's hair, a gesture she liked less and less.

“Mamma…” she protested amused. “I'm not a child anymore.”

“Aren’t you? So, what are you?” I asked with the same mocking tone.

“Mm…” she murmured thoughtfully, looking at the ceiling. “An impending pre-teenager.”

I laughed, shaking my head at my daughter's bold responses. I definitely don't know where she got that audacity from. It couldn't be from me… maybe from Angie?

“Excuse me, my impending teenager,” I joked, making sure the girl was well protected from the cold.

“Um, mamma…” Maria murmured nervously, attracting my attention, when I was about to leave. “Can I talk to you?”

“Va bene,” I answered frowning and sitting back down. “What's wrong, tesoro?”

“I was just wondering…” she said, without looking at me directly, thoughtful. “Mamma… Who was my mother?”

The smile immediately faded from my face and memories appeared to haunt my wounded mind. I had to make a great effort to control my nerves. I didn't want to lose my mind in front of my daughter, not again.

“Maria, what's that question about?” I said nervously, with a cold tone.

“Well…” Maria said, sitting on the bed while scratching the back of her neck. “I have a good memory. I remember I asked you when I was… I think I was 4 years old. You told me I was too young to know.”

“Mm, certo,” I said blinking erratically.

“But I'm not so young anymore,” my daughter said, with an expectant look. “Per favore, mamma, tell me what she was like,”

I sighed, undecided, but motivated by her bright eyes, identical to mine.

“W-Well… y-you…” I stammered, trying hard not to let my voice get stuck, something complicated. “Your mother was… her name was Helga and… she was my maid.”

The girl nodded curiously, barely blinking.

“She was very beautiful,” I whispered, remembering that treacherous look.

“What happened to her?” she asked impatiently.

“Um… she left, she abandoned us shortly after you were born,” I said, knowing there was no point in lying to her. That girl was devilishly smart, she would find out sooner or later.

“She left you alone with a baby? Wow, she wasn't a good person then,” the girl whispered. “Do you think I'll ever get to meet her?”

“No, I'm afraid… she's gone,” I murmured, shaking my head and holding back a tear.

“Oh, well… thanks for telling me,” Maria said with an indifferent voice, opening the drawer of her nightstand and taking out a paper and a pen. “Yes, it’s progressing…”

“Mm?” I murmured curiously, trying to see what was on that sheet of paper, on which Maria seemed to cross something out. “Cos’è questo, Maria?” I asked, tilting my head to try to make out something.

“Questo?” she said, showing me the paper. I nodded slowly, studying those phrases that were written on it. “Oh, it’s nothing… just a wish list.”

“A wish list?” I asked curious and amused, trying to bury the memory of her mother, so her words wouldn’t penetrate my mind, and destroy it again.

“Well, I'm already 8,” she explained with that knowing tone I adored. “Soon I'll reach adolescence and lose my mind, you know, hormones…” she said with a passive voice and an amused gesture. “Before that happens and my head starts to think about stupid boys, I would like to do some things.”

“Mm, you're cautious,” I commented, surprised, as always, by her intelligence. “Can I take a look?” I asked, extending a hand towards the paper, paper that Maria handed me, nodding and shrugging.

Yes, it was a list, the wish list of an eight-year-old girl. Some things were crossed out, the most recent was:

Meet my mother

I sighed somewhat sadly knowing that she would never do it, but I continued reading, hoping to distract myself enough with the girl thoughts and ambitions.

“Maria…” I whispered, looking at the girl with a frown and pointing at one of the phrases. “To have a sibling?” I asked with a trembling voice.

“Yes,” my girl nodded, with an innocent smile. “I think it would be really cool to have one,” she said without caring about the impossibility that it entailed. “Don't be offended, Angie.”

“More minions? I like how it sounds,” the doll said, with an amused gesture.

“I'm afraid that wish is impossible, tesoro,” I said with a low voice, with a sad look.

I could never, ever fall in love again, not after what happened the first time I did.

“No, it's not impossible,” Maria protested, leaning towards me and reading her phrases. “Look, mamma, if this one here comes true, it would be possible.”

I looked at where her finger was pointing, and I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry in despair.

Mamma stops being alone

I read it several times, glancing at the girl and hiding the trembling in my hands.

“Maria…”  I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “Y-You should think of another wish.”

“No, they are my wishes, you can't influence them,” the girl said, crossing her arms. “You just have to read them, not judge them.”

“Va bene, you're right,” I said, briefly pinching her cheek, something that made her laugh embarrassedly. “Mm, learn to play the piano?” I asked, reading more of her wishes. “Do you want to learn to play the piano?”

“Oh, yes, do you remember the day we went to see Aunt Alcina at the castle?” she asked, coming closer, she seemed excited.

“Yes, of course I remember,” I answered, looking at my daughter curiously. “You mean the maid who played you a birthday song, right?”

“Well…” the girl sighed, rolling her eyes. “The song was childish and squeaky, but the sound of that piano… it was beautiful, so I decided to learn… but… we don't have a piano,” she said in a much lower voice, looking away, as she always did when she wanted to ask me for something.

“Actually we have one in the basement,” I said. “You could learn on it.”

“Mamma, that's not exactly a piano,” my daughter said in an innocent tone, biting her lip. “I want a real one, a piano as cool as the one in the castle.”

“You want a piano,” I murmured, arching my eyebrow. “Do you want me to buy a piano, Maria? Is that what you're trying to ask me?”

“Well… I wouldn't say no if you do,” she said amused, with her eyes wide open. “I know my birthday has passed and…”

“Cut the crap,” I said amused, shaking my head. “Well… I guess it’s something much more feasible than some of your wishes.”

“Does that mean you’ll do it? Will you buy me a piano?” the girl asked, standing up on the bed, excited again.

I looked at her tenderly and thought for a moment. I could never deny my little girl anything, I never would.

“If you behave,” I said amused, pointing at her with my finger before she jumped into my arms.

“Great! Grazie di cuore, mamma, you’re the best, the best!” Maria yelled enthusiastically, wrapping her arms around me and giving me a tender hug that I always appreciated, that told me I would never be alone, I would always have my daughter.

“Okay, okay, tesoro,” I said, overwhelmed by her affectionate kisses, gently patting her back. “But you’ll have to be consistent and learn to play wonderfully, mm?”

“Certo, I have to read more books,” my daughter said, moving away and letting herself fall on the bed, with a hand on her chin, thoughtful. “Now go, I have to think,” she said with a concentrated expression. “Where could we put it, Angie?”

“Well, you better go to sleep,” I said, laughing tenderly, giving her a kiss on the forehead and looking at the doll coldly, telling Angie with my eyes not to bother Maria and let her rest, something almost impossible.

“Mamma,” Maria called me, before I went out the door. “Ti voglio bene”

“Anch’io, tesoro… Anch’io…” I whispered, closing the door slowly.

Maria was not a capricious child, even though I always did whatever she wants to see her happy. I will always be surprised by her ability to educate practically by herself, taking advantage of my absences, my crises, to fill her mind with knowledge.

Sometimes I regretted having had a maid, but I changed my mind when I saw my little girl. She was the most important thing to me, and that would always be the case.

If Maria wanted a piano, she would have a piano, without a doubt.

The next day I took advantage of the Duke's weekly visit to make the request. I still find it hard to believe how different Maria is, how little she resembles my withdrawn and shy personality…

“Hello, Duke,” Maria said, waving her hand politely with a mocking smile.

I was standing next to her, with my face covered with the veil and the Angie doll in my arms. No matter how well that horrible man treated my little girl, I never trusted him.

“Miss Beneviento, you look well,” the merchant murmured, handing me the things I needed for the week. “Lady Beneviento…”

“Hi, fatty,” Angie said, moving in my arms. “How are you?”

“Great,” he replied, counting the coins I threw at him in an unpleasant manner. “What do you say, Miss? Did you manage to solve last week's riddle?” he asked, looking at my daughter with a sinister smile.

“Of course,” the girl answered, with a smug smile. “The answer is the Sun,” she said, lifting her chin. “Although… there was something wrong with the riddle. Yes, normally the sun rises and sets, but… did you know that there are certain areas of the world where it doesn't rise or set for several months?”

“Oh, I guess I forgot that detail,” the man said, laughing amused at the girl's words. “You got it right again…”

“As always,” Maria said, making a gesture to play it down.

“Come on, we want to see that chocolate bar,” Angie demanded, climbing into Maria's arms while I watched in silence.

“Here you go, Miss…” the Duke sighed amusedly tossing a sweet to the girl, one that she caught gracefully. “I hope I don't make it so easy for you next time.”

“Grazie,” the kid said, kindly. “Mamma, tell him, tell him,” she said, tugging at my dress, somewhat impatiently.

I looked at her and gestured for Angie to come closer.

“That's it, Duke, we want a piano,” I said, speaking through the doll.

“A piano?” the man asked, taking out a small notebook.

“Yes, yes, a piano,” Maria said, jumping on the ground. “I'm going to learn to play it.”

“Oh, that's wonderful, Miss, music is the voice of the soul,” the Duke said, writing something down. “Is an upright piano okay?”

I looked at my daughter, who did the same, nodding.

“Yes, okay,” she said, smiling with satisfaction.

“For your sake, fatso, fatso, I hope you don't fool us,” Angie said, climbing up the carriage and looking at the merchant in a menacing manner. “A nice piano for Maria, is that clear?”

“Like water, Miss Angie,” he said, amused, gesturing for the doll to move away. “Tell me, how do you plan to learn?”

“Well... By myself, I guess, Donna doesn’t know to play it,” my daughter said, making me look at her embarrassed. “Don't be offended, mamma.”

“I see,” the Duke said, looking at me with a mocking smile. “It turns out that I know someone. There is a girl in the village who is an excellent pianist, perhaps, Lady Beneviento, it would be good for your daughter if she gave the little Miss some lessons.”

“A piano teacher?” Maria asked, while I pondered the offer. “That would be great, mamma, say yes, say yes…”

“I don't know, tesoro… I don't like people coming to the house,” I murmured, putting myself at the height of the girl, who made a sad gesture.

“Please…” my daughter begged, putting her hands together.

“Please, please…” Angie said, imitating her gesture.

“Ugh,” I sighed, looking at the Duke, who was impatiently waiting for my answer.

“Well? I promise you won't regret it, my lady,” the merchant said, studying my movements. “I'm convinced that she will get along very well with your offspring.”

“Oh, I…” I muttered, gesturing to Angie, giving up. “Okay,” the doll said, speaking in my voice.

After a few days, the piano arrived at the mansion and, with the unpleasant help of some lycans, I managed to find a suitable place for it. Maria was very excited, but I, not so much. The idea of ​​a gossipy villager entering my house… talking to my little girl… I didn't like it, but just seeing Maria's shining eyes, I got used to it.

“Here she is!” the girl shrieked, running towards the door, which someone had knocked on. It was that disgusting teacher, no doubt. “Vai, mamma!”

“I'm coming,” I said in a whisper, putting on my veil and approaching the door, opening it slowly.

I was expecting to find an old woman, a petulant old woman who was no longer in her prime, but I was petrified. Behind the door, there was a rather young woman, smiling and… beautiful, terribly beautiful.

“H-Hello,” the young woman said, waking me from a reverie. I wasn’t expecting someone like that. “It’s an honor to meet you, Lady Beneviento.”

“Are you the teacher?” Angie asked, speaking for me, uncomfortably studying the girl, who seemed scared by her presence. I don’t blame her.

“Yes, my name is (Y/N),” she said, extending her hand towards me, a hand that I briefly looked at, but didn’t shake, making her withdraw it awkwardly. “Um… well… so you want to learn to play the piano, right?”

“No,” I said with my hoarse voice, while my daughter came out from behind me, looking with the same surprise as me at that girl. “Not me.”

“Hello,” Maria said, with an elegant gesture. “I'm Maria Beneviento, and I'm your new student,” she said with an amused smile, shaking her hand, something I couldn't do.

“Oh, wow, I didn't know that... that it was you,” the young woman said, looking at me and then at the girl, making a small, friendly bow “I thought I was going to teach you, Lady Beneviento.”

“No, my mother doesn't have a clue about music, she only knows how to make dolls,” the girl said, amused, causing me to give her a gentle slap on the shoulder as a reprimand. “Oh, but she makes them very well, I promise.”

“Your mother? You mean...? Are you her daughter?” the pianist asked, looking at me with a frown and a bewildered expression.

“Yes, of course,” the little girl said, guiding the visitor through the house. “Don't you see how much we look alike?” she asked, pointing to the portrait on the stairs.

“Oh, um… is that you?” (Y/N) asked, looking at me and pointing at the portrait. I didn't move, nor did I say a single word, obviously. “W-Wow, your really look alike, you're like two peas in a pod.”

“Isn't that right?” Maria laughed, taking the stranger's hand and leading her into the living room. “This way, (Y/N)”

“I-It's funny. I didn’t know you had a daughter, my lady,” the young woman said, walking towards the piano next to my little girl, looking at me out of the corner of her eye, distrustful.

“Mm,” I murmured, not giving importance to her comment, approaching Maria. “Tesoro, I'm going to the workshop, Angie will stay with you, if something happens…”

“Mamma… non preocuparti,” Maria said, sitting on the stool in front of the piano, next to that unknown girl.

“Va bene,” I whispered, giving one last look to the young woman, who did the same quickly. I could see the fear in her eyes.

Reluctant, but with no other choice, I left them alone.

It must have been an entertaining afternoon, since Angie didn't warn me of any danger, but she did when that girl was about to leave.

“Grazie, (Y/N), see you tomorrow,” Maria said, waving her hand goodbye, while I, suspicious, walked with the young woman to the door.

“Your daughter is very talented, my lady,” (Y/N) commented, before leaving through the door.

“Mm,” I murmured in an impatient tone, wishing she would leave at once.

“Well, she has to practice, but I think she can be a great pianist if she puts her mind to it,” the young woman said, with no intention of leaving. “It's unbelievable that she's just eight years old, she's very intelligent.”

“I know that already,” I whispered impatiently, handing her a bag of coins.

“Oh, um, thanks,” she said, putting them in her purse. “I was surprised that you had a daughter… well, in the village we never…”

“I know,” I cut her words off abruptly, with a tired sigh. “No one has to know about my life.”

“Yes, well, I understand,” she said, scratching the back of her neck. “Forgive my indiscretion, I know it's none of my business but… What about her father?”

The Angie doll, who was listening next to me, began to laugh outrageously, drawing our attention.

“Stupid,” Angie said, pointing at the girl with her finger and pretending to laugh loudly. “You're so stupid… Donna is Maria's mother, get it? She's her mother, she impregnated a maid and…”

“Angie…” I hissed nervously.

“What?” the pianist asked, looking at me and speaking in a small voice when she realized her mistake.

I, nervous and embarrassed, clenched my fists tightly on both sides of my hips.

“Oh, shit, I mean… I understand, oh, I… w-well, I had heard rumors but they seemed… I mean, it's okay, well, there's a huge woman, a fish man… it's not that I find it strange or anything like that, I mean…” she said nervously, not knowing where to run.

I crossed my arms furiously, wanting to make her live the worst of her nightmares, but then I thought of Maria and I restrained myself.

“Shut up,” I demanded with a firm tone. “I advise you to stop sticking your nose where it doesn't belong,” I threatened walking a step towards her, making the girl back off.

“I'm sorry. It's just that…” she said, visibly nervous, refusing to look at my face.

“Does my Donna's penis disgust you, silly?” Angie said, making me burn with rage.

“Angie! Taci, taci, taci!” I screamed furiously, kicking the floor. The piano played in the background, Maria was oblivious to the conversation, fortunately.

“What? Oh, no, no, not at all… I have no problem with that,” the pianist said, putting her hands in a position of surrender. “B-besides, I'm just your daughter's piano teacher, I have no intention of snooping in your… business. I was just… I was just curious.”

“Curiosity…” I began in a dark tone, making it clear to that stupid village girl what her place was.

“Killed the cat, I know,” she finished, with a nervous smile. “I just want to say that, well, that… your daughter is great.”

“Mm,” I growled, looking away and closing the door in her face. “Cazzo, Angie…”

The doll, realizing that she had given too much information, ran off towards Maria, who was playing the keys, surely putting into practice what she had learned.

“Look, mamma, I know the scale,” the girl said, gesturing for me to come closer as she softly played the piano.

“Meraviglioso, Maria,” I sighed, relaxing with the soft sound of the instrument.

“So… what do you think?” my daughter murmured, looking at the floor. “About (Y/N).”

“(Y/N)?” I asked annoyed, sighing as I took off my veil. “She's just some ordinary village girl.”

“No, not at all. She's great, she's super smart, and she plays really well, and she's also really beautiful, don't you think, mamma?” Maria said, following me through the mansion.

“Mm, maybe she is,” I commented distractedly. She was right, that girl was very beautiful… but a nuisance too. “Your lessons, Maria, don't forget them,” I said in a motherly tone, pointing to her study books.

The visits from that unpleasant girl continued. Maria learned a lot from (Y/N), although I didn't like to admit it. Little by little I got used to the presence of that nosy villager, maybe too much, since, from time to time, I came up from the workshop to see how she taught my daughter.

They seemed to get along really well, and every day her beauty was much more evident to me, but I didn't give it any importance, she was still an idiot.

“That's it, you learn very quickly Maria,” (Y/N) said as I approached slowly. “It's noticeable that you practice a lot.”

“Of course I do, so I don't forget,” the little girl said, swinging her legs on the stool.

“Um, Maria… I'd like to ask you something,” the teacher whispered, looking around, probably afraid that I would appear.

That made me back off and hide in the shadows. I wanted to hear what that stupid girl was saying about me, I was sure she would say something about me.

“Va bene,” my daughter said, distracted, touching the keys.

“Hey, your mother…” the young woman murmured, attracting my attention even more. “Your mother is a bit scary, isn't she?”

“Mamma Donna?” Maria asked and shook her head. “Not at all, are you scared of my mamma?”

“Um, well,” the girl said, with a nervous smile. “She's a Lord and… well, in the village everyone fears her.”

“Bah, nonsense,” my daughter said, gesturing with her hand. “That's because they don't know her. Donna is nice.”

“Really? Does she take good care of you?” she asked in a more confident tone, something that made me burn with rage.

How could that stupid woman question my way of taking care of my daughter?

“Oh, yes, she is very intelligent, she teaches me many things,” Maria said, making me sigh with relief.

“Um… what about your other mother? Don't you miss her?” (Y/N) asked, making me want to end her existence.

“Not really,” the girl said, lowering her head. “I never got to know her. Mamma Donna told me that she was her maid and that she… abandoned us.”

“Chiudi il becco…” I muttered in a whisper. “Maledizione…”

“Gods, that’s… horrible,” the young woman said, changing her expression.

“Well, it's the past. Donna took care of me and raised me by herself, and I assure you that it must not be easy to do that, and even more so with a daughter like me,” Maria said amused. “I don't usually give her any trouble, but… she has to put up with me.”

“Mm, I see,” (Y/N) said, tenderly stroking Maria's hair. “I see that I was wrong about her, I'm sorry for doubting your mother.”

“It doesn't matter,” Maria said, putting on a strange expression. “People say horrible things about her, but I know they're lies. My mamma is mentally ill, but that doesn't mean she's not a good person, she really is.”

“Yes, I see,” the pianist said, looking back, without seeing me. “If you say so, I believe you…”

“Forgive her if she was abrupt with you,” my daughter said, apologizing for my aggressive attitude. “She's just very lonely. I'm convinced that her character will improve when she meets someone.”

“Mm, maybe, but being alone isn't that bad, you know? I am too,” the young woman said.

“Oh, really?” the little girl asked. “That's interesting…” she murmured, with a tone that forced me to intervene. “Wouldn't you like to meet someone?”

“Well, I…”

“Ahem,” I cleared my throat, walking nervously towards them. (Y/N) looked at me briefly, immediately lowering her head. “It's time, isn't it?”

“Mm, sì, mamma,” Maria said, getting off the stool.

The young pianist stood up with a friendly gesture.

“Your daughter has been great, as always, my lady,” the young woman said, not daring to look at me. “It's a pleasure to teach her.”

“You don't have to be that formal. You can call her Donna, vero, mamma? Maria said, with a slightly strange voice.

“I guess,” I said reluctantly, making the girl laugh nervously.

“W-Well, Donna then,” (Y/N) whispered, with a shy laugh.

“Mamma, do you know that (Y/N) is also alone? What a coincidence, huh?” the girl asked, comically tugging at my dress, putting the stupid villager in a tight spot.

“Maria,” I said in a dark voice. I didn't know why, but that comment made me blush.

“Don't worry, Donna, your daughter is adorable, she just says what she thinks,” the young woman said, picking up the scores.

“Ma, mamma, are you going to let her go?” Maria insisted, making me very nervous. “You should be nice and invite her to tea. She’s been coming here for almost a month.”

“Maria…” I hissed nervously, while (Y/N) laughed again, shaking her head. “Stop annoying her, I’m sure she’ll have better things to do.”

“T-Truth be told,” the pianist said, arching her eyebrows. “I could use some tea, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“Ugh, okay,” I muttered, threatening with my daughter my gaze making her fled with Angie.

That was the beginning of a strange routine. After piano lessons, (Y/N) started to stay with us for a while, having tea, helping Maria with her homework…

Over time, I couldn't say that that stupid girl started to catch my attention, but I did stop thinking that she was... well, stupid. She was a kind, funny girl, who made Maria and Angie laugh, and she was kind to me, kinder than anyone ever was, no one, not even Helga.

I couldn't help but notice a certain conspiracy in my little girl's words and actions, hinting several times at how lonely her poor mother was when I wasn't around, or telling me directly that (Y/N) was single too.

I couldn't blame her for wanting to have what she never had, for wanting another mother, but... it was simply impossible, it would never be possible, although deep down, that pianist girl caught my attention more than I would like to admit.

“Well, I better go, thank you very much for the tea, Donna,” (Y/N) said, after an afternoon of games with Angie and the girl, something of which I was only a spectator. “See you tomorrow, huh, girls?” she said amused, high-fiving Maria and Angie.

“Hey, but it's really late,” my daughter commented, looking out the window. “Hey, (Y/N), why don't you stay for dinner?”

“Oh, for dinner?” the young woman asked blinking and looking for an answer in me. “W-well, I…”

“Don't listen to her,” I said quickly, putting a warning hand on Maria's shoulder.

“Mamma,” the little girl protested, breaking away from my grip while (Y/N) smiled, picking up her coat. “I'm trying to help you.”

“Who asked you for help, brat? Basta,” I hissed sternly but nervously.

“Well… it's true that it's late,” (Y/N) said, oblivious to my reprimands, looking at me shyly. “Maybe it's not a bad idea.”

“Of course it’s not,” Maria said, freeing from my reprimand and taking the young pianist by the hand. “Come, sit down, did you know that la mia mamma cooks like an angel? You'll see.”

“Maria!” I growled, clenching my fists. “What are you...?”

“Show her that what I say is true, vai, Donna,” my daughter said, pushing me by the legs.

I had no choice but to obey, going down to the kitchen to prepare that improvised dinner.

“Mm, where's Maria?” I asked dryly, leaving the food on the table, a table that was only occupied by (Y/N), who looked at me amused, shrugging.

“She told me that she wasn’t hungry and she wanted to leave us alone, you know, so that we could talk about adult stuff.”

“Oh, questa bambina…” I lamented, understanding her intentions.

“I think she's set us up, hasn't she?” the young woman joked, while I, exhausted, served her some wine.

“I'm sorry, I don't know what she was thinking,” I said, apologizing for Maria's behavior. Oh, yes, that girl would get a deserved scolding.

“It doesn't matter, it might be good to get to know each other a bit better,” (Y/N) commented. “Um…” she said, frowning as she saw how, clumsily, I handled my black veil to eat. “Um… Donna, that's not necessary. You don't need it, you can trust me.”

“You'll get scared,” I said nervously, paralyzed.

“No, I won't,” she said, with a lower voice, somewhat trembling.

It was absurd to continue with that nonsense, the best thing would be to scare that stupid girl away so she never came back and stopped… constantly sneaking into my thoughts. With a slow gesture I took off my veil, refusing to see her expression.

“Mm, wow…” the young woman sighed, with a smile that I couldn't interpret. “It's true, you two are exactly the same.”

“Don't pretend. You know I'm horrible,” I said, gripping the fork tightly.

“No, you're not… Let's see… what have you prepared for me?” the girl said, ignoring my hisses and taking a look at the dinner. “Everything looks great.”

“Pici all'amatriciana,” I murmured distrustfully.

“Oh, well, let's check if it's as good as it looks,” she said, rubbing her hands and starting to eat, without erasing that smile from her face.

At first it was a tense, silent dinner, only interrupted by (Y/N)'s praises. Everything seemed wonderful and perfect to her, even… even my face. Little by little, I suppose thanks to the wine, the conversation began to flow naturally. It seemed unlikely, but that girl and I had a lot in common and we even… we even laughed, laughed a lot.

I realized why Maria was so obsessed with her. She was a wonderful girl, kind, funny… and terribly beautiful too.

“I had a great time,” the young woman said with a tender smile as I walked with her to the door. “Really.”

“Yes, um… me too, (Y/N),” I said in a low voice, with a strange blush on my cheeks.

“You know what? I think I now understand your daughter’s insistence on me getting to know you,” she commented distractedly, looking at the floor, turning her ankle on it. “You are a very special woman, Donna.”

“Yes, special is the word,” I said suspiciously, crossing my arms.

The girl laughed, shaking her head and putting a hand on my arm.

“No, what I mean is that… well, I don't regret having gotten to know you,” she whispered in a low voice, leaving behind her words, an awkward moment of silence.

“M-Me neither,” I stammered unintentionally, smiling genuinely.

“See you,” the girl said, removing her hand from my arm with a tender smile, suddenly stepping back. “Oh, bye girls,” she said, waving her hand and looking upstairs, where Angie and Maria were discreetly spying.

“Ciao!” they said in unison when I closed the door, sighing and glancing sideways at my daughter and the doll.

“Cazzo…” I hissed, quickly climbing the stairs while those two mischievous girls fled to their room. “Hey, you two!”

“Oh, mamma, I was going to sleep,” Maria said, putting on her pajamas in a hurry.

“No, young lady, what were you thinking?” I asked, annoyed by the trick, with my hands on my hips. “Who taught you to conspire like that?”

“Um…” the girl murmured, looking unintentionally at Angie, who hid under the sheets. “I only did it for you, mamma, so that you are not alone anymore.”

“Oh, cavolo…” I lamented, with a hand on my forehead. “Maria, tesoro, you don't have to decide those things for me, do you hear me? They are adults’ matters.”

“I know but… I think you two get along wonderfully,” the girl said with an almost pleading voice. “And you two are alone…”

“Maria…”

“Besides, dinner was a complete success, you even took off your veil,” she said with an amused smile, climbing into bed while I reluctantly tucked her in. “Although you have to improve your conversation, you're very clumsy, mamma.”

“That I’m…?” I asked, feigning offense. “Well, it doesn't matter.”

“Don't you like (Y/N)? Not even a little?” Maria asked in a sleepy voice, rubbing her eyes.

“Um, I… W-Well I… yes, I like her,” I admitted embarrassed, with a sob. “But tesoro, that's not…”

“She likes you, she speaks very well of you,” she sighed, exhausted, closing her eyes. “Mamma.”

“Mm?”

“If I could go back in time and choose… I would like (Y/N) to be my other mother…” she said in a sleepy whisper, without really being aware she had said it.

I sighed, moved by her words and approached to kiss her on the forehead, thoughtful.

“Mm, I'm not surprised that you want it, tesoro... (Y/N) is... wonderful.”

Admitting that I had feelings for (Y/N) took me longer than I thought, but I couldn't help it. Without wanting to, knowing that there would never be another chance to feel love, to believe in it, I did it, I fell in love with her, madly.

Dinners were common, laughter, too. Sometimes we were alone and sometimes Angie and Maria accompanied us, making the laughter increase more and more. I began to wish for those visits, to get sad when that girl left. There was tension between us, I could notice it, I could notice her bright gaze in mine, silent pauses in which neither of us knew what to say.

Too much pressure and I was too much of a coward.

“You have to do it, mamma,” my little girl told me, while I waited for (Y/N) to arrive, walking around the living room and shaking my head.

“I can't do it…” I sighed, rejecting her proposition again.

“If you don't tell (Y/N) how you feel about her, she'll never know, imagine if she meets someone,” the girl said walking exactly like me.

“It's not that easy, Maria, you'll realize when you're older,” I said in a dark, nervous voice.

“I don't want to lose the opportunity to have another mom just because you're a coward!” the girl protested, nervous, impatient.

I turned around abruptly, gritting my teeth and crouching down next to my daughter, grabbing her by the collar of her dress.

“You think I don't know!? Huh?” I screamed furiously while my daughter, scared, covered herself with her hands.

“Mamma,” she said trembling, making me react.

“Gods… tesoro, I'm sorry,” I said, placing her dress and caressing her cheek.

Maria nodded slowly, comforting my nerves with a tender hug.

“I don't know how to do it, I don't know how to tell her that… that I love her,” I murmured, with the girl's warm hands in mine, controlling my madness.

“Calm down, mamma, I'll think of something,” she said, giving me a kiss on the cheek and going to the door, since (Y/N) had already arrived.

The smiles danced between us again. I had long since gotten used to staying in the living room while (Y/N) taught Maria, to watch her fingers caress the keys, to see her beautiful and tender face, the incredibly sweet way she treated my baby…

“Well, very well, mate,” (Y/N )said when Maria showed her what she had learned. “I think we can move on to something more complicated.”

“Yeah, hey, (Y/N),” Maria said, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. “I thought… I've never heard you play… you know, a whole song. I'm sure my mamma would really like to hear you.”

“Would her?” the young woman asked, looking at me with blushing cheeks.

I looked at her and nodded slowly, tilting my head.

“Mm, okay, well… let me see…” the girl said, searching through her folder of music. “Let's see… Oh, what do you think of this one? It has your name on it,” (Y/N) said, handing a sheet to my daughter, who looked at it carefully.

“Oh, yeah, this one is perfect,” Maria said with wide eyes, looking at me over the paper with a knowing smile.

“Ahem, well…” (Y/N) coughed as Maria stood up to sit next to me.

“Di niente,” my daughter whispered with a discreet clearing of the throat, making me frown.

“Cosa?” I asked, silenced by a nudge.

“Shh… ascolta, mamma.”

The music started to play, and I recognized it immediately.

“Ave Maria…”  (Y/N) began to sing, letting me discover her beautiful voice, the most beautiful I had ever heard. “Gratia plena… Ave, ave Dominus…”

My mind immediately transported itself to several decades ago, before Mother Miranda, before the Black Gods, when I was just a girl, a tormented girl. Yes, I remembered those times when villagers were allowed to profess the faith they chose as long as they lived with the dark deities.

They were difficult times, but nothing compared to my current life.

I remember my family singing that song at Christmas, on special occasions. My mother, my father, my little sister, my grandparents… all of us together, like a vision of what once was and never came back.

I couldn't help but let a tear run down my face as I remembered, as I imagined what would have become of me if Miranda had never been so ambitious, if my life hadn't changed, if my body hadn't changed and Maria had never been born.

No, Maria wasn't a mistake, she was the best thing that ever happened to me, my little laughing baby who wondered where her mother was, what had happened to her.

I regret many things, my little Maria, but not having you as a daughter.

I remembered those sleepless nights with inconsolable cries, I remember losing my nerves, my mind, and I remembered… I remembered how I rocked my little Maria, how I sang to her to make her fall asleep in my arms, how I sang that song to her, that Ave Maria, by Schubert…

Damn clever girl, she knew it, she knew that the melody, those words in Latin would touch my soul. I'm proud of you, tesoro.

Slowly, unable to move voluntarily, I got up from the couch while (Y/N) played and sang, approaching her, sitting next to her on the stool. She looked at me, still singing, but smiling.

I looked at the keys, bringing my hand closer to them and looking for a sign to continue. The young woman nodded, with a tender smile.

“Nunc et in hora mortis…” we sang at the same time while playing the keys. It had been a long time since I had done it. “Et in hora mortis nostrae… Ave… Maria…”

“Great!” Maria said, clapping enthusiastically along with Angie.

I paid no attention to her, my eye were fixed on (Y/N)'s and hers on mine.

“Wow, Maria told me you didn't know how to play it,” she whispered after a tense moment, without moving from my uncomfortable proximity.

“W-Well, I don't know as much as you… I'm quite rusty,” I said with a honeyed, but nervous voice.

“Angie, let's go,” Maria said, looking at me and winking, taking the doll's hand that was protesting in a childish way.

“I-I used to sing this to Maria as a lullaby,” I said, daring to break that silence. “It brings back memories to me.”

“It must have been very difficult to raise a girl on your own, right?” (Y/N) commented, playing nervously with her hands.

“Yes, it was but… it was worth it,” I said with a smile, looking at the corner where Maria ran off to.

“Yes, of course, she's an amazing girl, Donna,” the young woman said, looking away.

“Yes, I… (Y/N) I…” I stammered, with a cold sweat running down my forehead, hitting the keys unintentionally. “I'm sorry, I… I want to tell you that… when you're here I… I feel, I feel like smiling again, and seeing you leave… It makes me sad.”

The girl laughed embarrassed, lowering her gaze but letting me continue and gain enough courage to extend my trembling hand to hers, which she let me do, interlacing our fingers.

“I would understand if you said no but… I don't know, (Y/N), maybe… maybe you'd like… not to leave again.”

“Mamma! Don't tell her that! It's creepy!” Maria, who was, of course, spying, shrieked.

“Oddio… go to your room!” I shrieked nervously without taking my hand off (Y/N)'s.

“Donna,” the pianist said, putting a hand on my cheek, turning my face towards hers. “Do you want me to stay? With you?”

“I… yes…” I said looking down, something I couldn't really do, since her hand prevented me from doing so. “I want you to stay… with me, with us and…”

I couldn't continue speaking, since her lips collided with mine without warning, kissing me deeply, slowly, in a sweet and addictive way.

Without wanting to do so, I pulled away, blinking confused, looking at her sweet smile, her eyes shining as she looked at me.

“I'm in love with you, (Y/N),” I finally confessed, throwing myself back into her slow, wet kisses, into her laughter that bounced off my lips, tickling them.

“You're a wonderful woman, Donna Beneviento,” (Y/N) whispered. “I'm crazy about you… And… well, I wouldn't mind staying with you. Well, I would like that you and Maria… were my family…”

“Really?”

“Really”

“Great!” Maria shrieked, running into (Y/N)'s arms, catching her off guard. “See, mamma? It wasn't that hard.”

“Oh, taci,” I said amused, shaking my head.

“It's the happiest day of my life,” my daughter said, hugging us both. “I love you!”

“Hey, come on, stop bothering,” I said, lowering her to the floor lovingly.

“Certo... I have to talk to Angie... my little sibling is getting closer...”

[clubsmarties]

Eli smiled and sighed as he chewed his lip before getting up off the chair to be centimeters away from her face. That almost mischievous childlike smile displayed as he brought her chin up with his fingertip and pressed a fleeting but warm kiss on her soft plump lips. "I don't think kissing you would ever disappoint me." He situated himself back on his chair and wrapped his ankles around the legs of the seat. "The saddle night was a good day. I'm sorry it got cut short. My little sister needed me and if you ever meet her, you'd see why. She and I are really close. She's my best friend. Just don't tell my brother and sister," he chuckled making his eyebrows crease. "Our little secret." The thought had crossed his mind once but ended up deciding that it was best if he didn't. "I wanted to but I think I'm going to stay or find some place to settle that would still be a flight away from them. I think I exhausted my time in Chicago." A sort of melancholy took over his voice saying that out loud. Her excitement was contagious and it made him nod. "I'd love to meet your best friends. That's a genuine feeling because I don't normally like to meet people." The bribery bit had him smile at her. He did wonder what she'd have up her sleeve.

"Don't worry about that. I don't deem you too much. Has anyone ever deemed you to be too much?" His curiosity had gotten him to ask the question. Otherwise he didn't think she'd have hesitancy over being known. "Realism isn't a bad thing. Though it's good to have a balance." he hummed and nodded. "We can learn together. I know a few things but the kitchen isn't really my forte. Eating is though. I wouldn't mind learning together and coming up with different recipes to try." It was a nice thought. Laurel and him in the kitchen making something and having fun. Not paying too much attention to the exact recipe just winging it at times. He smiled as they fluttered one quick time and shook his head. "I'll proudly take the title then. I don't know who to thank me. Mom or dad could have had green eyes. Who knows."

"I fooled you with my subpar dancing skills. Mama P used to love to be twirled so every chance we got we used to twirl her. So she'd take us around the kitchen to dance. It was Papa P who used to teach us how to lead." The last time he skiied was last Christmas. The last holiday that was normal. "Not since last year. It was a family trip. I've got a picture of that time in my dorm. I love the snow. It's a magical place and would love to go back. Maybe rent a cabin and spend the holidays there." A dream he knew that couldn't be made reality since he have the funds to actually do it. At least not yet. "Have you ever been?" He shrugged his shoulders and cleared his throat. "Some people deem readers dorky and nerdy. So, it is not everyone's favorite hobby." She was cute when she laughed and her eyes sparkled with that joy. "It has worked. You have charmed me. Maybe now you should write a self help book on how to flirt the right amount."

"A one person type huh? Seems like we've got that in common." The smile he threw her was one that was half amused. "Cheerleading and tennis? Consider me more than intrigued. Do you have still remember your cheer routine?" He'd wait until later to let her know he was one of the few cheer guys at the bottom of the pyramid. She didn't need to know that right now. "Silence isn't all bad. It depends on the person you're with. If they're using silence as a means for punishment then yeah that is not good. But if you're sitting in silence with someone who makes it safe and warm then you'd find it's also very fun. As for stargazing we go sometime? I can't say I'll be full of facts but maybe I'll end up surprising you." Just then their food arrived and he grabbed it. "Shall we head back to the room?"

Laurel shook her head before smiling at his question. "Are you disappointed the kiss wasn't my favorite part? Maybe I just need a reminder," she teased. Although, she quickly corrected the confusion. "Sorry, I did mean the Halloween dance being my favorite part of the night though. That time at the Saddle, the kiss took the prize that night." Her head tilted curiously when he spoke of his siblings, she remembered him sharing about his move to Texas. Laurel just wondered why leaving became the choice if it wasn't top of the list. "I get it. It must've been a difficult decision to leave. Would you move back, after school?" She nodded in confirmation, her smile remaining as they talked of her dad. "Yep. I mean, not near campus, but he lives in Austin. I get to see him some weekends, or if he's near campus, we grab lunch." Laurel's happiness couldn't be contained, even now that he mentioned stopping by the diner. "Wait, really? Not because of the special, but just so you can say hi. If you wanted." Her eyes were practically shining with anticipation, the thought of bribing him started as a joke, but now she was eager to put it in practice. "Wow, so free rein in the bribery space. I'll begin thinking of bribing options." A moment was spent trying to decipher if he was serious, and she leaned yes. "Good to know, because now I know I definitely won't keep them to myself."

His head tilt was enough to have her quickly provide more context to her words. He seemed genuinely lost, as if not liking each other wasn't an option. "No no, I didn't mean because of you." She was almost certain there was nothing he could say that would deter her. "I just meant like...you deem I'm too much after you get to know me. Hey, I have confidence in this. Just a smidge of realism." Getting her hopes up would be devastating, but she couldn't bring herself to fall into that rabbit hole. Instead, focusing on his dramatic gestures. Laurel grimaced for a second, wooed with food. "I'll need to learn how to cook more than a grilled cheese." She hoped he meant the different food places she could take him to. If cooking was in question, she had just been given a map to his heart that she couldn't use. Unless she took up cooking classes. Yep, that could be an option. Laurel couldn't help the burst of laughter while he fluttered his eyes. Was it wrong to say that it was hot and incredibly charming? How was she not supposed to fall? "Yup, those eyes. Hm," feigning to be thinking about whether he took the title or not. "Yes, definitely the prettiest I've seen."

"I can never contain my questions, as you've seen, so you won't need to worry about that. I'll ask each time." Her curiosity won each time, and even the awkward questions didn't keep her. His answer surprised her, evidenced by the amused grin that followed. "Really? The way you were dancing, I would've thought it was a main hobby." Being led in the dance floor was definitely a new one for her. "Suitable might be a stretch, but any time you need a dance partner, I'll happily sign up. Why's it boring? There's boring books, sure, but don't know about the whole activity." Not really her cup of tea, too much silence. "I knew you were full of surprises, skiing is an interesting one. Have you been recently? I mean, I know Texas is not really the spot for it." At the question of her own hobbies, Laurel's thoughts ran trying to think of something. Only distracted by his follow-up question, which made her laugh once more, covering her face momentarily. "It's working then? I knew that how-to guide would come in handy," she joked, gaze peeking through her fingertips covering her face, before her hands dropped back on the counter. "But nope, not on my hobby list. That'd mean flirting everywhere, and that's more of a one-person thing for me. I'm trying to find new things to be honest. I did cheerleading way back when, some tennis and that was fun. Lately, books are also making my list." Because of school, but still. "I really like stargazing, not super great at it, but it's nice. The good kind of silence."

[footnoteinhistory]

Time for my big NYC Marathon 2024 recap post!! This post is very long, roughly organized borough by borough, and mostly for my own personal record since I don't feel like putting pen to paper rn

And because so many of you have supported me through all of this (like... all of everything in my life for a long time), I thought maybe some of y'all would be interested. Here is my detailed experience (+ some photos!) <3

Got up Sunday morning at 4:30 am, on the Midtown bus to the start by 6 am. My start wasn't until almost 11 am but I was so anxious about logistics I was happy to get to the start village earlier and sit around bored rather than later and panicked. Fortunately my charity team had a heated tent where I killed three-ish hours by people watching, forcing myself to eat bagels w/ peanut butter and bananas and graham crackers until I couldn't stomach any more, and meeting Meb Keflezighi (!!!). I've read Meb's book twice this year and was too starstruck to say anything to him other than thank you but! What a neat surprise to start the day. A grizzled volunteer held out two water bottles and I took one, then he gave me this look and shook the other bottle at me until I took that one, too. He knew. Trust the volunteers.

I was battling serious nerves leading up to the start line, which I'll skip for brevity's sake bc this is going to be a long post anyway. But by the time we lined up on the Verrazzano Bridge (I was on the lower level), I felt good. Excited. The anthem, the helicopters, the cannon, Frank Sinatra, crossing the start.

As you might know bc I've agonized over it extensively on this blog, my training did not go according to plan this year. I hurt my left leg in April, possibly a fracture, and struggled throughout the summer. I wrestled with the idea of deferring. Finally I decided that I would finish the race, even if I had to walk the entire thing. After a few weeks of speed-walking and rebuilding my strength, I felt okay enough to put a little more pressure on my leg and jog occasionally. I hadn't *run* more than 2-3 consecutive miles since the spring. Literally took a photo of my leg in the starting village with the thought it might be the last time it ever looks normal in case my shin snapped in half in some horrific freak stress injury mid-race. Peak anxiety brain.

So starting slow on the Verrazzano's uphill, I was so anxious I would feel that familiar twinge in my leg. I've felt it for months. Sometimes I'm not sure it isn't a phantom pain now. But I didn't feel it that first mile. Or the second, leaving the Verrazzano and thinking "oh, this could be fun." Or the next mile, entering the first neighborhood. So I ran for the next 10 miles straight.

Brooklyn: The first half of the marathon goes through Brooklyn. It was such a fucking party the whole way. Our wave ran through some quieter streets and neighborhoods before hitting 4th Ave, but it was the perfect warm up. Everyone in the world and their mother tells you not to go out too fast in a marathon but it is IMPOSSIBLE not to—not only was I overjoyed to be running without pain for the first time in weeks, I was zooming around giving as many high-fives to the kids as I could.

I had my name pinned to my shorts and it was 100% the right decision. I've heard from runners who say it was too overstimulating or they had trouble locating friends and family when everyone was screaming their name, but I needed it. I'll get into that later, but even at the start it was such a boost. A woman on a highway overpass shouted "Hi Emily, welcome to Brooklyn!" The first kid I high-fived smacked my hand and said "LET'S GO EMILY"

The entirety of 4th Ave was incredible. I loved running through Brooklyn during the half in 2023 and I loved it this time. So many kids, funny signs, people offering tissues, live music, flags and banners. There were many Israeli and Palestinian flags throughout the course, which wasn't a surprise but still stirred up feelings. There was an older man standing alone with a Palestinian flag and we connected (I don't know how else to describe those fleeting interactions between runners and spectators but I had many; it's not quite a wave, sort of a nod, mostly eye contact, you just both know you're focused on each other for a moment). He yelled "stay strong, run for peace!"

Around Mile 8 at the Barclays Center I felt a cramp in my right calf. I assume this was a consequence of not having run more than eight miles for months before (better to go in undertrained than overtrained, they say, but perfect-amount-trained would've been great). That cramp stuck with me for quite while until every muscle was so cramped they were indistinguishable. But we will cross that unfortunately literal bridge when we come to it.

I managed to stretch it out, walk it off, and power on through until I met my family for the first time just before Mile 11. I liberally applied some Biofreeze to my calf and accidentally dropped my bag of SaltStick chews—a crucial error. Goodbye proper sodium intake for the second half of the race 😰

But I was still blissfully unaware of that mistake, running through the Orthodox Jewish neighborhoods and the rest of Brooklyn. Until I realized it on the Pulaski Bridge headed into...

Queens: If Brooklyn was a party, the two miles I spent in Queens were a brutal reality check. My calf cramp was not getting better, I was mad about losing my saltsticks, passing the halfway point was more intimidating than heartening. My half time was around 2:50, which is MUCH faster than I was expecting, but I knew I couldn't keep it up. I really do not remember Queens. There is a 25-minute gap in my camera roll from the Pulaski to the Queensboro. I recall it being loud, and I was a little overstimulated. I hadn't used headphones yet but put them in to check on the Bills game. We were losing, which did not help my mood.

Queensboro Bridge: I train in a hilly area, so I wasn't too scared when people spoke in hushed whispers about how difficult NYC's course elevation is. But the mood swings I experienced on this fucking bridge. First of all, it's never-ending. It goes up and up and up and up. I thought of Jareth, because they loved Simon & Garfunkel and The 59th Street Bridge Song is on the playlist they made that I listen to when I miss them. My calf was cramping in such a way that stretching could not reach, let alone fix. I started settling with myself—10 miles left, okay, I don't think I will be able to run again, I can walk the whole thing.

But then—we're going downhill again. I'm walking a little faster. We're taking the ramp off the bridge into Manhattan. I'm jogging. We're passing the 16-mile marker—from here on out, every step is the farthest I've ever run in my life. I'm running again. We turn onto roaring 1st Avenue!

Manhattan: 1st Avenue is very long. Everyone warns you about 5th Avenue, when you're close enough to the end you might fool yourself into thinking it's the home stretch—but no one (except Meb) warned me about 1st Ave, which feels uphill! Is it uphill?? It is also a 3.5-mile optical illusion. You look as far ahead as you can and that mass you see cannot be runners, that can't be where you're going, that is so far, the bridge to the Bronx must be closer than that. And yet.

My family also did not see me on 1st Ave as planned, which was kinda disappointing. They just didn't make it to the post we'd picked out ahead of time. I didn't want to be grumpy or ungrateful because they did travel all the way to New York for me, and I'm glad they were enjoying shopping and stuff on the UES, it's their vacation too! but like... you travelled all the way to New York for me. Maybe you could prioritize seeing me 🥺 BUT I was perhaps entering the mouth of the pain cave at this time. I'd been running for over 4 hours, the longest I'd ever done, I didn't have enough sodium.

The spectators were awesome. All along the whole course they were great—if it ever felt like too much, I just walked in the middle of the course and tuned them out fine. There's no way I would've finished without not just their vocal support but material support as well—a bag of pretzels was like manna from heaven. Spray-on Biofreeze. Drinks between the official hydration stations. Alcoholic drinks, too (I did not partake, but boy if there's ever a time to break your sobriety...). Tissues. Bananas and orange slices, cookies, Halloween candy, an angel who had my fave kind of Honey Stinger chews. I'd been eating my own gels every 30 minutes on the dot but I was starting to get sick of them. I took everything that anyone shoved in my hands, Gd bless the people of New York City and their generosity, foresight, and kindness.

The Bronx: Going up the Willis Ave Bridge I didn't know if I would be able to finish. I hadn't run in a couple miles. I looked over to my left and saw runners crossing the Last Damn Bridge and it looked unfathomably far away. I had over 6 miles to go, there was just no way. I wanted to lie down in the middle of the street, find a way to tell my family to pick me up here. But there was a woman on the bridge, the first spectator in the final borough, rocking a well-swaddled baby that couldn't have been older than just a few weeks in her arms, welcoming us to the Bronx. I had to keep going after that. I kept telling myself to just keep walking, step by step, and eventually I would finish.

I hoped crossing the 20 Mile marker would be a boost but it made me feel like crying, if I had been hydrated enough to cry. The Boogie Down Bronx was popping but I could not match their energy. My legs were not going to run another mile. I was literally staring at the road taking one step at a time, my head down.

Then out of nowhere I felt someone next to me. Another runner, a middle-aged guy I'd never seen or spoken to before, came up beside me and patted me on the back and mumbled something I didn't hear before jogging off, something short like "keep going," "you got this," etc it could've been anything we runners say to each other on the course from time to time. It doesn't really matter what he said because just that pat on the back gave me fresh legs. Literally it was like I was on the start line again. I cannot explain it at all, I am tearing up just remembering it right now, the most powerful moment of my race. I immediately picked my head up and started running again and ran the rest of the Bronx. Everything hurt, but I could run through it.

I thought about getting his bib # and looking him up but I decided not to ruin the magic. My literal savior. We bobbed around each other a few more times but I lost him when I stopped on...

The Last Damn Bridge: There's an annual hype squad on the 3rd Avenue Bridge, the final bridge of the marathon that takes you back into Manhattan, and I've connected with some of them on FB. Their project this year was putting the names of runners' late loved ones on posters to give us an extra boost at Mile 21. I'd completely forgotten about it until I started passing the boards, then backtracked to find Phil's name ❤️ The organizer saw my name bib and said "Your name is Emily? My name is Emily, too! We have to take a photo!" so we did :) That interaction gave me a boost out of the Bronx and onto…

5th Avenue: You hear many warnings about the subtle but brutal elevation on 5th Avenue, which takes you from Harlem down almost 50 blocks to Central Park. I did not notice the elevation at all, or at least did not register it as elevation. I was mostly focused on trying to stay conscious. I wasn't ever urgently concerned that I was going to pass out, but if someone had bumped into me I probably wouldn't have gotten up. I was fighting back dizziness—but having fun again? Fun might not be the word but I have pretty positive feelings looking back on 5th Ave. The Bills won—I listened to part of the fourth quarter bc I needed to mentally be anywhere else for a few minutes. My walking speed was about equal to my "running" speed at this point so I mostly settled for walking.

Fun crowds, lots of people saying my name. Saw my family for the second and final time! I only stopped for a moment—my cousin said "How do you feel?" and I kind of fake smiled/laughed (?), my eyes not really focused on any fixed point, and said "I just need to keep going" and stumbled away into a jog. AND THEN I SAW MY FAVE TIKTOKER? I am not big into tiktok but if any of you know Dutch (dutchdeccc) I ran past him, did a double-take, TURNED AROUND and went up to him?? I spit out something incoherent like ohmygdiloveyourvideos, he was so sweet he grabbed my hand and said oh my gd thank you so much you are doing so great you are amazing! and I ran off into Central Park 😭

Central Park: There were making the miles longer here. I need to see the numbers and cold hard facts about the course measurements because these miles were longer than the other miles. I hated every second of miles 24 and 25 in the park. THAT was the pain cave. That was, of course I am going to finish because I came this far, but I have never felt this bad in my life. Running would get this over with sooner but my legs are no longer functioning and I might end up eating asphalt so we are walking 16-minute miles until we're out.

I knew certain ways my body would react to the distance because I've done long runs, but I didn't know most of the ways. Like, of course I have a calf cramp, that's what happens. But your legs spasming like in those videos you see of shaky runners who collapse right before the finish line—suddenly oh shit, I understand how that happens. It's not just one foot in front of the other, if I can't run I'll walk—at some point you cannot walk, but you have to figure out how to keep walking.

Central Park was fucking The Long Walk by Stephen King. I keep trying to remember specifics but I think my brain is blocking them out on purpose.

Central Park South: I'm crying again just recalling this. The final mile. You leave the park and run from Sherman's statue and the Plaza Hotel to Columbus Circle before reentering the park for the .2 finish. The hugeness of the marathon and achieving this goal finally hit me and I started crying, like actual tears—but my chest was so tight and achy that crying made it very hard to breathe, instantly, which was actually scary, so I stopped crying QUICK. Gathered myself. Most people were sticking to the right-hand side of the course, along Central Park, mostly empty of spectators. But I fucking needed people.

I can't overstate the power of the crowds at the NYC Marathon. Of course hype spectators are fun at any race, the cheering really is uplifting, the signs are funny. But at 25.7 miles you need more (at least I did) and New York City fucking delivered. I started walking along the barricade on the left, lined with people, and stared as many of them as I could dead in the eye. Literally forcing eye contact with these strangers lmao. It happened throughout the race—you catch a spectator's eye and connect with them, they say something right to your soul and you believe them. But I swear that entire barricade came through for me. It was sunset but still light enough they could read my name on my bib. I started jogging, high-fiving the kids, just looking from one face to the next begging them to talk to me, kept running just to see the next person. And they were smiling and cheering and it worked. I felt like the only person on the fucking course. I kept running even when I had to go right back into the park, uphill .2 miles to the finish.

I kept thinking "this is so fucking hard this is the hardest thing I've ever done if you just keep running to the finish you never have to run ever again." I truly felt like I sprinted across the finish line fast as Usain Bolt, but looking back at the video I was hobbling slightly faster than my 92-year-old grandmother.

The finishers area kinda makes you feel like a toddler, which is fitting because at that point, mentally, you can't think clearly. Like, your brain doesn't have any fuel left to process what's going on after running for 6 hours so the volunteers shepherd you through like a preschooler. Here is your medal, great job!, let me get you a warm poncho and wrap it up tight for you, do you see those big green signs over there, just follow them, yep!, is this bag too heavy for you, are you sure, okay, you did so good today. We must look like stunned baby deer.

Walked to Lincoln Center to meet my family. Nightmare bc once you're on the streets you directly encounter non-runners for the first time all day and most of them do not give a fuck. And as I said, you are physically and mentally struggling already.

But getting that medal is really fucking cool. And worth it

I won't bore you with the rest of the night (mostly ouch ouch stairs ow big step ough lying down hurts standing up hurts shower hurts eating makes me nauseated sleep is impossible) but over 24 hours out, I've never been sore like this. Just uncrossing my ankles hurts. I've always enjoyed the ache of a tough workout but this is something else. Proud of it though. However, unfortunately, I will be losing a toenail. Some may say that is a rite of passage for a distance runner but unpleasant and painful and kinda makes me dizzy nonetheless.

I've still barely had time to emotionally process any of this. I've wanted this for so long. Even as I was doing it, and trying to live in the moment, I could not believe I was actually running the New York City Marathon. And in 2024—this year I've dreaded for so long, the 10th anniversary of Phil's death, a year that's been unexpectedly brutal on me in so many other ways, too. But Phil was with me every step of the way, literally.

I've been wearing the medal all day even though it rubs against the sunburn on the back of my neck, trading little smiles and nods with my fellow runners. We fucking did it. I had no idea what that meant two days ago, what it took. If I did, I'm not sure I would've even tried. But we fucking ran the marathon babyyyyy

This is kind of the only thing I want to talk about so if you want to talk about it or have any questions or anything just let me know 🥺

[lkfarrout]

Fifty (family fic)

No ships, just Stan being a father figure

Summary: Wendy finds herself in a tough situation and has to ask Stan for money

Warnings: light angst, mature themes (16+)

"Come in!"

With a shaky hand, Wendy slowly opened the door to Stan's office. Her boss was sat at his desk, fez off, a pen and calculator in hand. His frustration at the figures in front of him permeated the room.

"Wendy?" He barely glanced up at her before returning to his work, "Its your day off, kid. What do ya need?"

"Umm..." Wendy considered saying 'nevermind' and just walking out. But she didn't really have a choice. "...fifty dollars."

Stan started to laugh until he looked up and saw the tears welling in Wendy's eyes.

He rose to his feet and she continued, talking very quickly, "I'm sorry, Mr. Pines. You can take it out of my next paycheck, but I need it today. I didn't know who else to ask."

He came around and leaned on the edge of his desk, arms crossed. "What's it for?"

She just looked at the floor and rang her hat in her hands.

He moved closer and placed a heavy hand on her shoulder, "Look, kid. Whatever you did, I'm sure I did worse at your age. D'ya owe someone money?" She shook her head.

"Then what's it for?"

"You can't tell my dad."

"Okay, I won't."

Wendy continued to avoid his gaze.

"What's it for, kid?"

Wendy sighed, "...plan B."

Stan took a step back and rubbed the back of his neck. "I see."

An awkward silence filled the room.

Stan continued with a light chuckle, "It's fifty bucks these days? Sweet moses, I'm gettin' old."

Wendy didn't laugh.

"Look, it'll be alright. Head out to the car, I'll give the twins an excuse and meet you out there, okay?"

Wendy muttered a thank you and quickly left the room.

---

A rock song played inaudibly on the radio and Wendy stared out the passenger window at the trees going by.

Stan gripped the wheel, trying to think of anything to say.

He stuttered as he began, "Kid, I-- look, I aint gonna pry you for details. But if I need to go knock some sense into some knucklehead kid, I will."

"It's fine."

"It was some knucklehead kid, right? Not, y'know... an adult?" Stan cringed at his own question, but damnit, if he was gonna let some creep take advantage of a young girl like Wendy.

Wendy nodded, "Yeah, just Robbie."

"So why the hell isn't he paying for this?" He'd meant it as a joke, but quickly realized how mean it sounded.

"Look, I aint mad about paying for it, I just. He needs to learn some responsibility."

"We were responsible. It just, broke. And neither of us had the money. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I'm... glad you told me."

Stan pulled the car into a parking spot.

"Stay here."

"It's okay, I can get it."

Stan insisted, "No, someone will recognize ya. I don't want you in any trouble."

He cracked the windows and shut the door with a click. Several minutes later, he returned and handed her a bag. "Hope that's the right stuff."

Wendy dug through it, surprised to find a bottle of water, a comic book, and a bar of chocolate in addition to the small cardboard box she expected.

She looked at Stan, who shrugged. "Figured you might need a little pick-me-up."

"Thanks, Mr. Pines. I'll work an extra day, or--"

He cut her off and waved his hand in the air, "Ah forget that, consider it free. It was... less expensive than I thought anyway." He looked away suspiciously before glancing back at her.

She punched him lightly in the arm, "You stole it?"

"No!" Stan protested, "I paid..."

She raised her eyebrows at him and he finished, "...for the water."

Stan laughed and Wendy smiled for the first time that morning. But her smile quickly dissipated with his next question.

"So, should I take you home?"

The look on her face was the only answer he needed. "Alright, you can hang at the shack today. But you'll have to put on a happy face for Dip and Mabel."

Wendy sighed, relieved, "Yeah, I will."

"I told the kids I was picking up lunch. How's pizza sound?"

---

They entered through the giftshop. Stan held the door open for Wendy with one hand, a pizza box in the other.

"Hey, uh, make sure you read that box real close and if you start to feel sick at all, let me know, okay?"

"I will, thanks." Wendy stayed behind like they'd discussed, and he continued toward the main part of the house before pausing.

"Oh, and use the phone in here to call Robbie. He should know that you got things worked out."

Wendy nodded and gave him a small smile.

"Guess who got pizza!"

The twins exclaimed happily and started to dig in.

Through a mouthful, Stan casually spoke. "Oh hey, save some for Wendy, I saw her walkin' over just a minute ago."

[alittlebitofloveliness]

When I was younger I never felt like I was anyone’s favorite. My sister was my dad’s favorite, and my brother was my mother’s favorite. But then I got older, and me and my sister got closer. And I realize that now I’m her favorite, and that just makes my inner child so happy because I’m someone’s favorite for once.

And idk WHY but I think this could apply to the Curtis brothers.

Hi anon, I'm so sorry for the late reply, my life is hectic as hell right now.

I kind of relate to this, not that my parents have favourites so much, but me and my younger brothers are always and forever locked in a war to be our older brother's favourite.

I think in terms of Outsiders verse it's kind of implied that Ponyboy was the 'odd one out' in the Curtis family (Johnny mentions Darry acted like their mother but looked like their dad, and Soda looked like their mom but acted like their dad), HOWEVER, I think this might not have played out in the family dynamic as Soda and Darry being the favourites. I think Darry was their dad's favourite, and while I don't think Mr.Curtis would be blatant about it, I think the fact he and Darry were so close and Darry always wanted to be just like him would make it clear to Soda and Pony there was a bond there that they didn't/would never have with their father. And Pony was the baby. Moms often get really attached to their youngest kids because its their 'last chance' to see their kids so, well, everything. Last baby things, last first steps, last first day of school, etc. So I could see Mrs. Curtis' kind of falling prey to this mentality, and Pony being her favourite, especially since Pony is the youngest of the gang and would probably stay with her while Darry and maybe Soda got to do 'big kid stuff'.

But Soda? Sodapop Patrick Curtis? People pleaser extrodinaire? he's the quintessential middle child struggling with mental health issues and a learning disability in a time where neither of those were properly adressed. Sure, his parents loved him but he knew he wasn't either of their favourites, even if Mr and Mrs Curtis treated them all the same. So when PONYBOY starts following him around at age two? When he chooses to run to SODA after a nightmare instead of mom? When he gets a little older and tells soda about the kids who are being mean to him at school? Soda's heart is GONE. Pony stole it, because Pony CHOSE him. Soda is used to being Steve's favourite, but he is used to being overlooked by his own family, until Ponyboy comes along and makes it clear from day one that Soda is his hero, his unequivocal FAVOURITE? Yeah, Soda was done for. And when their parents died? The only reason Soda didn't sink into despair or turn to booze as a way to cope was because Pony still looked at him like a hero, maybe even more so than before, and Soda couldn't let him down. He couldn't do anything that might jeapordize Pony looking at him like that. Because Pony CHOSE him, and Soda couldn't handle a reality where he wasn't Pony's favourite anymore, because being Pony's favourite is half of what keeps him sane.

Thanks for the ask xx

[samott]

Ez volt mar itt, olvastam, de nem talalom. Megkerestem a redditen, link lesz a vegen, de legyen meg itt egyben:

My missing husband came home, but I just know it isn't him

My husband went missing six months ago. Just... went out to work one day and never came home. It was a horrible shock to the whole neighbourhood, because things like that just didn't happen in our little slice of white-picket-fence suburbia. The police launched an investigation, and the neighbourhood watch sent out search parties, but no one ever found any evidence to indicate what had happened to him. Our families were devastated. Recently, the missing posters have been taken down or papered over. The updates from the police became less frequent and dwindled away. I accepted that, hard as it was to admit, my Rick wasn't coming back.

Until he did.

A week ago, I was in the back garden watering my petunias when I heard the garden gate creak open. I jerked my head in that direction and- there he was. Exactly the same as he was the day he disappeared. Same windswept blond hair and bright blue eyes, same curl to his pink lips. I was in shock. Our families had mourned for him, and yet there he was, standing in our garden like he had just popped out for milk or something. When I asked where he had been, he said he didn't know. He couldn’t remember anything about the last six months.

All our family and friends are beside themselves with joy. They almost can't believe it. But that's just the thing: I don't believe it.

Look, I understand how crazy this all sounds, I do. Our families would never believe me, and I can’t go to the police unless I want to end up in a straightjacket. But I just know that the man sleeping next to me isn't my husband. I don't know what to do. I know I should be happy, but I'm not. I'm terrified. I don’t know much about anything supernatural or paranormal, I don't even like watching horror movies. But something about this whole situation makes my skin crawl.

Just let me explain why I'm so sure. Once I've done that, hopefully one of you will believe me, and you'll be able to tell me what to do.

The morning after "Rick" came home, I made him a cup of tea. When I handed it to him, he gave me the brightest smile. Then he took a sugar cube from the dish on the table and dropped it into the cup. Our house was in chaos with his return, and I was still in shock, so I didn't think much of it at the time, but its been replaying in my mind ever since. I know it doesn't sound very significant, but my husband never put sugar in his tea. He was always adamant that it ruined the taste, and he'd get so frustrated if I ever put sugar in his cup by accident. And yet, this man had sugar.

Then it was the golf. A few days ago, when he was out visiting his mom, I recorded a golf tournament that was showing on the TV. It was one of Rick's favourite golfers that was competing, and he never missed it. Once, he even skipped out on an anniversary dinner just to watch a championship. Only, when he came home from his parents' and I told him what I'd done, he just seemed... unbothered? Like, he said thanks and everything, and then he asked if I wanted to get dinner. He didn't even watch it, and that’s just so out of character for him.

Then one night I woke up around 2 a.m. to see Rick's face inches from mine just... looking at me with these blank eyes. I kinda gave this nervous laugh and asked "Baby, what are you doing?" And he didn't answer. For like a solid thirty seconds. He just stared, almost like he was looking right through me. Then he suddenly smiled and said, "Sorry, honey. Sometimes I just can’t believe this is real". Then he just rolled over and went to sleep. I didn’t get much sleep after that, myself.

Yesterday, about a week after he came home, the neighbourhood threw a street party to celebrate his return. Everyone from our street and the streets on either side turned up to see him and tell him how happy they are that he's alright. When he wasn't standing with his arm around my waist, he was milling around chatting amicably to each and every one of our neighbours, even the little kids. Jackson, our next-door neighbour Sally's toddler, wanted to play peek-a-boo, and Rick happily played along with a smile on his face. Now, my husband never did that. Rick always said he didn't like kids - that's why we never had any - and so he never wanted to play with any of the neighbourhood children. Especially not Jackson: Rick all but avoided him. Before he disappeared, I had started to suspect it was so I wouldn't see them together and notice the subtle but unmistakable similarities.

The final nail in the coffin, proverbially speaking, was Sally. Just this morning, she came knocking on our door. Her excuse was the tray of brownies she carried, but I think she just wanted to push her way into our morning so that she could see for herself what the situation was. After she left, I called her a nosy busybody. Rick laughed, kissed my head, and agreed with me. That was when I knew for sure that it couldn't really be him. Rick always used to get so mad whenever I insulted Sally, like I didn't have any right to hate her even though she'd been fucking my husband for years. But today there was none of that. He didn’t even try to defend her.

I know what you must be thinking. If he was in an accident or something, he might’ve had some kind of traumatic brain injury that caused him to forget some things about his life, maybe even change his personality. And that's a valid, reasonable explanation. I have no doubt it's what the police would tell me if I reported all this.

But you know why I'm dead certain that man isn't my husband? He doesn't have a scar. If he was really Rick, he'd have a scar on the side of his forehead shaped like the golf club I hit him with. But there's nothing. Not a mark. Honestly, I'm this close to going out tonight and digging up my petunias just to make sure he's still under there.

I don't know what I'm sharing a bed with, but I know it's not my husband. So what the hell am I going to do?

innet

[watery-melon-baller]

hello melon, for the ask game 2, 15, 17, 18, 23 and 25 mayhaps?

that's me im melon,,, thank you for the ask you send so MANY :0

2. Describe your favorite pair of socks

theyre these like soft green socks with little white polkadots and the toe and heel are pink and on the sides they have a deer surrounded by pink flowers and theyre really pretty and soft <3

15. Do you have any houseplants? Do any of them have names?

i am TERRIBLE at keeping plants alive :( i did have a basil plant named greg but i was given him in the middle of finals week and as a result he died a brutal death. i think maybe if i had gotten him Not then he would have lasted a little longer. my mom however has plemty of plants (the cats love trying to eat them) but none have names

17. What’s the last thing you ordered online?

Purple hair dye! i dyed my hair last week with the assitance of a friend :]

18. What’s one historical event that you would have liked to have witnessed?

ooooh im not a big hostory person but uhhh. hm. the reinassance seems like it would have been so cool to be a part of, mainly caus im an artists and i would have loved to be able to like. actually make money off my paintings n shit

23. Which songs do you like to sing in the shower?

honetsly whatever is stuck in my head at the time. i like to listen to music so i sing along to whatevers playing which could be literlly Anything

25. Do you have any piercings or tattoos? Are there any that you want?

I have two regular earring piercings, and a tattoo on my ankle!! The ankle tat is this cool deisgn thats got every letter (and almost every number) in it bc im a NERD who saw it in middle school and wanted it so bad and got it as soon as i turned 18. i would love to get more tattoos but im unsure what would get (ive been thinkig of getting a small spade on my chest or behid my ear) but i dontthink i want any more piercings lol

not gonna expose my ankle for all you rapscallions but heres the design. if you recognize this then you get a cookie and also get to know how much of a loser i am /aff

[gxlden-angels]

I don't know if it's the religious trauma or the dead mom trauma but the conservative christian insistence on not teaching children about their bodies in school and insistence that this knowledge should be private in all circumstances with no exceptions should be seen as suspicious at best and criminally malicious at worst

[okkennymay]

Speaking of said dad, he went on a lil mini 10 day holiday across the country to Perth to sight see nature and go on a boat ride to see some Orcas (he's retired, it's his way of getting out the house and not turning into an old man potato, and comes back with hundreds of photos of landscapes, plants and flowers and points of historical interests to show my Mum and I, with cool facts and stories in a slideshow~)

Unfortunately i was still sick at the time and didn't get the chance to join my mum in dropping him off at the airport, let alone the chance to give him a big 'ol hug before he left- so I drew him this 💖

You can't escape the 'Ken hugs.

[thedawningofthehour]

My mom was going to go to Wisconsin with her bff for two days and I was gonna get the house to myself, but then bff's flight got cancelled so now I have this old lady talking about politics next to me.

Also I accidentally put my computer down on Angel's tail tip and tugged his tail slightly and he bit me so hard he drew blood.

[agentartemus]

I thought today was a good one..

[shirogane-oushirou]

no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.

i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.

[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!

also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]

[mars-ipan]

this is gonna sound incredibly virtue signal-y i fear but i have been feeling. so fiercely protective of all the transfems i've ever met lately