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blossomwritesthings · 2 years ago

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Hyunjin sickfic when. *folds arms waiting patiently* 🤭

I love your writing sm I’m gonna cry

𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐠𝐨

pairing: hyunjin x fem!reader (afab)

genre: sick!fic. idol!hyunjin. hurt/comfort. angst. fluff. reader pov. established relationship.

content & warnings: explicit & strong language. mild thematic elements. hospital visit. this one's got angst in it. reader is sick (with a sprained ankle). hyunjin is worried af, as he should be lmao. reader has low self-esteem w/her dancing abilities, and has difficulty opening up about how she truly feels. pet names (affectionately). toothe-rotting fluff.

word count: 6.3k (yikes got carried away with this one wtf)

summary: it's been proving to be very difficult to keep the dance class that you take three times a week a secret from your boyfriend hyunjin. and the lies only become even harder to tell when you suddenly hurt your foot during class one night.

a/n: originally, i was planning on posting this yesterday as a kind of valentine's day gift for you guys, but then uni homework raw-dogged me like a total bitch and i got fucked over with a horrible migraine later in the night... i love my life!!! 😊 anyways, this was really fun to write- i FUCKING ADORE SOFT HYUNJIN!!! 😭 thanks for requesting, @hyungenie5... i hope this little piece of writing is to your liking, and thanks for your support~ 🤍

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ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴛᴇs (ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs). © ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

The dance class was supposed to remain a secret. No one - not even your boyfriend Hyunjin - was supposed to know that you were taking it until it was long over in the summer. By the end of the class, you hoped that your skills would improve immensely and that you’d be able to join your boyfriend in the studio some time to dance with him.

But unfortunately, those grand plans all came to a halt late one Friday night.

When you were practicing a certain twirl that had been giving you a hard time for the past week. For some reason, one of the laces of your sneakers had come undone. And this prompted you to trip over it when you suddenly came out of the spin.

You landed on the ground in a heap of limbs, clenching down hard on your jaw at the feel of a sharp pain shooting through your left ankle. The ache was agonizing, and it took everything in you to not scream out in anguish at the feeling that had quickly exploded inside your ankle.

Soon, your classmates rushed over and helped you off of the floor and onto a nearby bench, where your teacher took a look at your foot.

“It doesn’t look too bad, it’s just a bit swollen from the impact,” she said, peering up at you, a sheen of sweat glistening across her exposed forehead. It was sweltering in the practice room at the gym where you were taking the lessons, and everyone crowding around you was out of breath from the routine that the class had been practicing tirelessly for the last month or so. “I’d advise you to keep off of it as much as you can for the next few days and ice it every night. Don’t come into class Monday and instead give it a rest, and it should be better by the next session on Wednesday.” Your teacher instructed you, before giving your knee a gentle squeeze and going back to a group of students who needed her advice on a certain move. You had class every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday late in the night, but surprisingly, the sessions were always packed with wannabe dancers, even late into the night. It just proved how many people desperately wanted to become better dancers. And you were one of those ‘people.’

“Can you make it to your car alone?” One of your classmates asked. You looked up at Yejun, offering her a smile that quickly turned into a grimace of pain. You had met her soon after you started the class, and the two of you had grown closer over the past few months.

But no one knew who you were dating - who your boyfriend of three years was. They couldn’t know, otherwise, that would jeopardize everything Hyunjin did for work and your entire livelihood. So, you mostly stayed silent about the intimate details of your personal life with everyone else and opted to talk about the surface-level things in your life.

“Yeah, I don’t think I can do it,” you laughed in a humorless kind of way. Without another word, Yejun was picking up the large duffle bag that you always brought with you to practice. Then, she was slipping an arm around your waist and leading you out of class and through the spacious gym. It was still relatively busy even for it being so late in the night on a Friday.

“You promise that you’re gonna rest?” She rose a black, perfectly-manicured eyebrow your way as you shuffled out of the main doors of the gym.

And even though you had only known her for a few months, she could get a pretty good read on you. How you didn’t like asking people for help and how you tended to bottle things up all of the time. You had done such a thing since you were a very little girl, and you supposed there was no changing the way your mind was built. Even still, this aspect of your personality drove Hyunjin insane. He’d pry and pry and pry for you to tell him what was truly wrong with you, and it’d take more than just a few kisses and gentle words to finally get you to talk. It didn’t matter who you were with - who you were talking to - you just… couldn’t talk about really personal stuff most of the time.

“Yeah, yeah- I’ll rest all this weekend.” You rolled your eyes at Yejun as you stopped just in front of your car. You pulled out your keys, unlocking the doors before throwing your duffle bag into the backseat.

“Okay, well… drive safe and take it easy, yeah?” She mumbled, pulling you into a gentle hug, and you gave her a quick pat on the back before pulling away. “See you on Wednesday?”

You flashed her a playful wink, “Sure thing!” You waved her off as you slipped into the driver’s seat of your car. Your friend returned the gesture before she turned around and jogged back into the gym.

As soon as she was out of sight, you let out the moan of misery that you had been holding in for the last few minutes. The pain seemed to shoot through your ankle in quick increments, traveling up the length of your leg and pooling in your knee.

Holding onto the steering wheel with a death-like grip, you took a few deep breaths. The ache wouldn’t be this bad forever. You just needed to ice it. Just follow what your teacher told you to do, and you’ll be fine. You said all of these things and more to yourself inside your head as you turned your key in the car's socket and the car’s ignition roared to light.

Just get home and get in bed, and then everything will be alright.

But everything was not alright.

This was made so apparent when you stood in front of your apartment door and the remembrance dawned on you that Hyunjin had the entire weekend off. So that meant that he would be home earlier than he usually would be on a Friday night. And since it was a quarter-past-eleven at night, he was sure to be home.

Fuck.

It had already been an entire production getting out of your car and into your apartment’s elevator, what with your limping form and all. But now you had to face your very own boyfriend, who wasn’t even aware that you were taking a dance class in the first place. You wanted it to be a surprise for him. You had always been self-conscious about your dance skills ever since you were a little girl.

And then you went ahead and started dating one of the best dancers in all of the Kpop industry. As a consequence, your self-esteem in the dancing department tanked astonishingly low. You’d regularly join Hyunjin in the studio late at night at the company, and sometimes he’d try to teach you some of Stray Kids choreo. But most of the time, you made a complete fool of yourself, and instead opted to just watch him from the sidelines. Watch in silence, offering praise when you could, about how perfect his angles were, how amazing his technique was, and how his flow and rhythm were impeccable with the music.

Meanwhile, deep inside your mind, you were playing the same thought over and over again; why can’t you just be a better dancer like him? Why can you just not suck at it, for once in your damn life? He probably thinks your horrible, and he’s right… no wonder why he stopped offering you teach you.

But in the new year, finally feeling fed up from always feeling shitty when your boyfriend would show you a video of his dance practices, or when you’d watch him in the studio, you decided to sign up for the beginner's contemporary dance class at your local gym.

It was daunting, at first, to go by yourself without knowing anyone there, but soon, you got used to the feeling and genuinely started to enjoy your time spend in the studio. It was hard work, that was for sure, but you liked the idea of finally finishing it in the early spring and then surprising your amazingly-talented dancer boyfriend with the choreo that you had learned and practiced tirelessly for the past few months, unbeknownst to him.

To keep the class a secret from Hyunjin, you had lied and told him that you were going to the local gym and lifting weights. And it wasn’t a complete lie, because technically, you were at the gym. You just weren’t lifting any weights.

Nevertheless, Hyunjin had been hesitant about the idea. Especially since you would be coming and going so late at night. At first, he had protested against it because of how many creeps could be hanging around the gym that late at night. He didn’t want you willingly putting yourself in any danger from being out so late alone. But, after much negotiation and pleading on your part, you had managed to convince him to be okay with it. And then, you were off… attending the class three times a week and absorbing the lessons like a little ocean sponge out in deep sea waters.

You gathered up all of the courage you still had inside of you as you shuffled across the apartment’s threshold. A couple of the lights were left on in the living room, and dim classical music was filtering out through the nearby room to the right of you. Hyunjin’s art studio. The two of you had chosen this specific apartment to rent out because it offered two bedrooms, and the space that he wanted to make his office had an amazing, large bay window that showcased a huge portion of Seoul's cityscape. The view in there was breathtaking and was the key inspiration for a lot of his recent art pieces.

A sigh of relief fled from your lips as you dropped your duffle bag down on the nearby dining room table and made to get some ice for your foot. Your entire body was sticky from your dried sweat, and you longed to hop into the shower for a nice cool-off. Just as soon as you ice your ankle.

Just as you were filling up a small plastic bag of ice, you heard a door open behind you. Then, in a few beats, you felt two long arms wrap around your waist from behind. If you weren’t in so much pain at that moment, you would’ve been happy to feel Hyunjin’s presence at your back. But mostly, you just felt exhausted and irritable. And these were two things that didn’t mix well together.

“Welcome home, sweetheart,” he muttered, as he leaned down with his tall frame to pepper gentle kisses against your shoulder. “How was your workout?”

“Fine, I guess.” You said in a slightly-dismissive tone, as you finished filling up your baggie with ice.

“And why in the world are you filling up a plastic bag with ice?”

Your heart dropped into the pit of your stomach at his question. Because in your state of discomfort and exhaustion, you hadn’t thought out the lie that you would have to tell him for why you could barely fucking walk. And you definitely couldn’t tell him to the extent that the pain was at. But there was no getting around the fact that you had hurt yourself, so better to tell a small white lie than ignore it entirely.

“I, uh- kinda hurt my foot when I was working out with weights tonight, but I’m okay.” You said, trying to keep your voice light and airy.

Immediately as the words fell from your lips, Hyunjin was turning you around. His eyes raked over your face, assessing your neutral expression before flitting down to the rest of your body. Like he’d be able to see any other injuries you hadn’t told him about if he looked hard enough.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” His brows were furrowed in worry, the concern blatantly shining in his dark brown eyes. His fingers brushed across your cheek, before tucking a few stray, sweaty strands of your hair behind your ear.

You gave him a soft smile, leaning up to ruffle his fluffy, peachy-pink hair a little bit. “Yes babe, I’m fine.”

“Then, you should rest and use the ice pack.”

You gave him a sardonic grin, “That’s what I was trying to do before you stopped my plans and started to grill me with questions.”

He slipped his arms from your hips and reluctantly stepped away from your frame to allow you space to continue your routine. But not before he leaned down into you with his towering form and pressed a gentle kiss against your lips. And if your foot didn’t currently hurt like a bitch, you probably would’ve melted into his embrace and let him hold and kiss you for a long time after that. Instead, you just felt like a sweaty ball of painful shit and wanted to hop into bed as soon as possible.

“I’ll be in my office if you need anything…” Hyunjin’s delicate voice stayed with you in the kitchen, as he trekked back to the door to his office.

You quickly grabbed a kitchen dish towel to use to wrap around your bag of ice. “Alright. I’m going to take a quick shower and then head to bed.”

“I’ll be there in a little while,” your boyfriend said, and when you looked up at him, he was giving you this sweet, pure look of devotion. But it was also mixed with a tad bit of unease. He never did like the idea of you being injured in any way. “Try to get some rest, yeah?”

“Sure, baby,” you flashed him a wink, “but only if you come to bed relatively early tonight.” It seemed like he was always slipping into bed late these days… curling up behind you well past three in the morning. He proclaimed that it was only because inspiration struck him the strongest late into the night, and while you weren’t one to stand between an artist and their craft, there had to be a better solution for inspiration than ruining his entire sleep schedule.

“I'll sure try, sweetheart.” Hyunjin’s soft voice followed behind you, as you made your way to your shared bedroom.

At least you weren’t the only one who told lies in the relationship.

The next day, your foot hurt like a literal bitch all day long. The pain wasn’t too bad after you first woke up, and upon icing it for a little while, it felt somewhat better. But then you went about the apartment doing the chores that you usually did every Saturday, and the discomfort returned tenfold.

At one point, it was so bad that when you sat down on the living room couch for a few minutes to give it a rest, you could barely get up again. And when you untucked your sock after lunch, you noticed how your left foot was looking a little… discolored. Some parts of your ankle were grayed, and a tiny bit of swelling was present too. But you had hurt it in dance, so that was to be expected.

You tried to hide the agony that you were in from your boyfriend, but being the perceptive man that he was, he automatically picked up on it. After all, he had become attuned over the years to understanding when you were feeling shitty since it took you so long to admit to him how you were feeling. Throughout the day, he’d ask you if you were okay and force you to sit down for a few minutes to ice the hurting foot.

But it was after dinner that he finally decided to put his foot down about the whole thing. He had dragged you over to the living room couch, practically throwing you onto the plush cushions before plopping down beside you.

“And what gives you the right to think you can throw me around like your own personal rag doll?” You asked, playfulness dripping from your tone. You turned to him and rose a quizzical eyebrow his way as he turned on the tv and flipped through Netflix to find a movie to watch. The usual thing that you two liked to do every Saturday night; was curl up on the couch and get all cozy with each other. The movie nights either ended in one of two ways, cuddling until you both fell asleep right then and there, or making out and soon traveling into the bedroom for a long night of fun.

“I’m forcing you to take a break, that’s what I’m doing,” he leveled you with a serious face, a slight frown pulling his mouth downwards.

You folded your arms across your chest defensively, “I don’t need a break, babe. I’m fine.”

“Oh yeah? Well then, I guess I’ve just been imagining all of the pained faces that you’ve been making all day, or that perpetual furrow in your brow that you always get when you’re holding something in?” Hyunjin said, voice completely flat. Just then he reached out to you, wrapping a long arm around your waist and yanking you close to his side before tucking a fuzzy blanket around the two of you.

“I’m not furrowing my brows.” You said defensively, even though you had given up on fighting him any longer. Honestly, you were a little too tired from all of the hurt and activity of the day to care. So you snuggled deeper against him, slinging your arms around his waist and breathing in his scent of fresh linen and sweet roses. “And besides, the apartment needed cleaning. A bad foot wasn’t going to stop me from completing my mission.” You had taken some pain medication soon after lunch, but since it was late into the night, it had worn off. You’d have to take some before you went to bed, but it didn’t seem to help that much, since you had still been in pain even after taking it in the middle of the day.

“Just shut up and relax, will ya?” Your boyfriend all but grumbled, as he finally selected some random thriller to watch. You hid your smile behind your blanket as you felt him lean down and press a few kisses atop the crown of your head. “Just want you to feel better, my love…”

You turned your head up on his shoulder so that you were staring right into his expressive dark-brown eyes. “And I already do feel better just with your kisses alone.” A smirk spread across your mouth, as you leaned into him and your mouths met again in a soft kiss.

Your boyfriend motioned with his head to the flashing tv screen in front of the two of you, “Now, let’s focus on the movie so that you can get your mind off of the discomfort.”

A few giggles escaped from deep inside of you at his serious tone. He truly did care a lot about you and your well-being. And so that’s why you didn’t want to tell him how bad the pain was. Because you knew that as soon as you told him, he’d get himself all worked up into a tizzy and obsess over your health until you were back to one-hundred-and-twenty percent. Would practically nurse you back to health, ignoring all of his other duties at the company until he could confirm with his own two eyes that his girlfriend was feeling much better than before.

So you stayed silent, refraining from revealing to him how much agony you truly were in from your foot alone. You turned your attention to the movie in front of you.

And the feel of his long, muscular arms wrapped around your waist and squeezing slightly, the comforting sense of his warm body just beside yours, did wonders to the pain. It worked better than any of the medicine in the entire world, and you soon found yourself completely ignoring and forgetting the ache that was shooting through your foot and up into your veins and instead was basking in the feel and smell of your very loving boyfriend.

“Sweetheart, do you want to stop and take a rest for a minute?” Hyunjin asked you in a gentle voice the next day. What with it being Sunday and since the two of you were still off from work, you had decided to spend the day out on the town - shopping around.

You two had already eaten a sweet breakfast of pastries and coffee at a local cafe and were currently walking the streets of Hongdae, in search of a matching set of hoodies that fit both of your styles perfectly. So far, you had had no luck at the boutiques that you had already searched. The fuzzy hoodies were either too frilly or too plain...

You shook your head vehemently, “No, I’m fine… don’t worry about me.” But you knew you telling him that would only make him worry even more. Since your foot only hurt even worse when you woke up early that morning. The pain throbbed up your leg now, and it felt like somehow was grasping harshly at your left ankle bone every time you walked on it, rattling the thing bitterly.

You were practically limping pathetically at your boyfriend's side, desperate hands clutching at his arm to stop you from completely toppling over into a pile of weak limbs right there. Because that’s what you were feeling at that exact moment; weak.

Hyunjin ran a frustrated hand through his peachy-pink locks, an exasperated sigh flooding from his lips, “I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to us going out today-” He started to grumble beside you.

Just then, the two of you stepped over a particular area of sidewalk that was somewhat cracked in the middle. And of course, your left shoe - your bad foot - just had to get caught in the tiny space there. Immediately, your body hurled to the ground as you grasped for your boyfriend. Thankfully, he caught you just in time before you hit the asphalt, pulling you up onto your feet again.

And when you stood straight once more, the agony only intensified even more so. Feeling so overwhelmed by it, and so, so weary with sudden despair, a tiny cry escaped past your lips as your legs gave out from underneath you. Toppling onto the ground in a heap of exhaustion, the tears were freely flowing down your cheeks.

Hyunjin was already crouching at your side, one arm wrapped around your waist. “Darling, what’s wrong-” He began, the worry seeping from his tone.

“It’s hurts, Hyunjin… like, a lot…” You managed to get out in between your sobs. Your vision was blurry from your tears, cheeks warm to the touch at the embarrassment of feeling others' eyes on you as they passed by on the street.

But not another word needed to be spoken, as you were soon being lifted into your boyfriend’s arms. And a moment later, he was gently placing you down on a nearby bench.

He was then crouching in front of your feet, gently grasping at your left foot and holding it out to him slowly. “Can I take a look at it, sweetheart?” He asked you with all of the tenderness in the world. The look in his eyes then- one of pure apprehension and heartache did something funny to your heart and only made you cry even harder. You nodded your head in silent approval.

Heart beating wildly inside your chest, you waited, and watched in bated since, as your boyfriend gingerly slipped off your thin sneaker. With thin, nimble fingers, he slid your baby-blue sock down and off of your foot.

And the moment he saw what lay underneath, he gasped audibly. Your foot was steadily turning purple and blue and was swollen all around the ankle. Eyes completely focused on your foot, Hyunjin turned your foot from either side, inspecting it diligently.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of looking at it, he stared up at you with wide eyes. The heartbreaking look in them told you all you needed to know- the way that his lips slightly fell open in his surprise, jaw clenching in anger. “B-Baby, has it looked like this since you got home from the gym on Friday?” His fingers gently swept over the bone that was slightly protruding out to the side near your ankle.

The tears had begun to slow down, leaving wet trails down either of your heated cheeks. Sniffling, you meekly nodded your head yes in answer. “Why? Is it that bad?”

A deep crease formed between his dark brows, and his blush-pink hair blew in the cool February breeze that suddenly swept across the streets at that moment. “Sweetheart, this looks really- really bad,” his eyes flitted down to your foot again, which he was still holding in one of his palms. “I’ve seen a lot of injuries, and I know the signs… honey, I think you’ve sprained it.”

Your heart plummeted into the pit of your stomach. “W-What? But… how could that be? It’s not like I-” Your voice took on an incredulous tone, but before you could say anything else, your boyfriend was moving your foot again, turning it slightly so that he could slip your sock back on. You hissed in discomfort, biting down hard on your bottom lip to quell the moan that wanted to bubble up and out of you just then. The pain was unbearable.

Your boyfriend stood up from the ground, fitting two hands around your waist and helping you rise from the bench. He slipped an arm around your hips, securing you to his side as you slowly began to shuffle down the street, going backward from the way you had just come from. “C’mon, we gotta get you to the hospital.” He said, leading you two away from the shops that you had been at for the last few hours.

“Hospital? No- that’s not necessary, I just need to… rest at home, that’s all…” Your voice trailed off as another wave of pain throbbed through your tender foot.

Hyunjin leveled you with a glare. “It’s either you come with me willingly, or I carry you in my arms bridal style. Either way, you’re fucking going to the hospital.” The way he said the last of his words in that deathly-low tone sent a chill down your spine. Because you knew it all too well since he’d only use it on you when you were being particularly stubborn. And almost always, it was during a time when you weren’t taking any regard for your health, and Hyunjin had to force you to do the things necessary to practically stay alive.

“O-Okay…” You whispered. You struggled along beside him, fingers holding on tight to his thick brown winter jacket. “Just… don’t let go?” You stared up at him with big eyes, lip quivering a little bit from the pain of having to walk and put pressure on your bruised foot.

“Never, sweetheart.” He brought you closer to him then, practically wrapping both arms around your waist and helping you along the sidewalk as you slowly made your way back to his car.

“Well, you have a sprained ankle,” the nurse told you a few hours later. She was a rather short, petite-looking woman, with long, black hair swept up into a tight braid at the back of her head. “You’ll need to diligently rest for the next… four to six weeks. The doctor suggested using an ice pack for twenty minutes a few times a day, to help with the swelling.”

After you and Hyunjin had left Hongdae, it was only a matter of time before he found the nearest hospital and checked you into the Emergency Room there. After waiting for a little over an hour, you were finally called back into one of the exam rooms. It merely took the nurse and doctor one look at your ankle to confirm that it was sprained. After the doctor’s assessment, the nurse filed back into the room to hand you some paperwork to fill out.

During the entire visit, Hyunjin was sitting beside your hospital bed in a small chair, clutching onto your hand as you awaited the news of your diagnosis. He let out a sigh of relief at the news of it only being a sprain since he had been worrying that it was broken instead.

“And don’t walk on it,” the nurse continued, as she handed you a bottle of prescribed high-dosage pain medications. “I understand that it will be difficult to assimilate to a less active lifestyle for some time, but please remember that if you walk on it, doing so can put you at risk for horrible complications in the future and hinder you from achieving a full recovery.”

“I understand, thank you so much,” you said, giving her a soft smile as you fit the bottle of pain meds into your nearby purse. Your boyfriend was still clutching onto your hand, fingers squeezing a little too tightly as you positioned yourself back on the bed.

"I’ll give you two a few minutes, and then come back to assist you in checking out at the front desk.” The nurse returned your smile and bowed slightly at you and Hyunjin before making her way out of the room, quietly shutting the door behind her.

Immediately, your boyfriend turned to you with a deep frown. “And you’ve been walking on a sprained ankle for the past… three days.” He shook his head in disapproval, running a frantic hand through your hair. “Honestly, Y/N, I don’t understand why you do this to yourself- why you do it to me…”

Training your focus down at your lap, your fingers absently played with a loose strand from your thick winter sweater. “It’s not like I mean to not tell you stuff. It just… happens.”

“And you said you got this from lifting weights at the gym?”

His question forced your head to shoot up without you even thinking about it, eyes locking with his as he sat just beside you in his tiny vinyl chair. “Y-Yeah… I must’ve used the barbell wrong or something.” You laughed a little anxiously, heart beating painfully against your ribcage.

Because he couldn’t find out. It was downright embarrassing to think about him knowing you had been taking dance classes. But you also wanted to keep it a surprise for him, when you eventually performed your routine for him - not like that would happen anytime soon though, since you would be on bed rest for the foreseeable future.

Hyunjin brought his hand away from yours then, folding his arms across his chest stubbornly, crossing his legs together and giving you a knowing look. “I call bullshit. You don’t get a strained ankle from lifting a few pounds.”

“And how do you know that, mister?”

“Because I’ve seen the guys get injured from lifting before, but it never has to do with their ankles.”

“Well, maybe I’m the exception.”

“Cut the crap, sweetheart,” his voice came out a little cold just then, eyes raking over your form, studying your face to gauge your emotions at that moment. “Tell me what happened on Friday night.”

The embarrassment overtook you again, and you ripped your eyes from his. Focusing once more on your hands, you twisted the end of your sweater around your fingers. There wasn’t any use in keeping the ruse up any longer. It’s not like you’d be dancing the routine any time soon. So, you finally gave in and confessed to your boyfriend in a quiet mumble.

He leaned forward, tilting his body close to yours so that he could hear you better. “I didn’t hear that, love. Speak up.”

Clenching your fists in sudden annoyance, you stared at him, already feeling the crimson pooling in your cheeks. “I said- I was taking a dance class, okay?! And I fell and hurt my ankle- the instructor said it would be fine, but obviously, she isn’t a doctor…”

Silence filled the entire room after that, and it was charged with equal amounts of confusion and hurt. “Why in the world are you taking a dance class?”

“Because- I want to be good at dancing…” You exclaimed, staring into Hyunjin's eyes with what you hoped was a fierce expression. “I fucking suck at it- and- and you’re just so amazing, and I… I wanted to surprise you with a routine that I had learned all on my own. But then, I hurt myself, so that’s never gonna happen now.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Say what?” You canted your head to the side, watching as the emotions erupted across your boyfriend's face. First, it was anger, that you had kept such a secret from him for so long, then it was sadness, that you had felt the need to prove yourself in any way to him.

“Say that you suck at dancing,” he began, as he moved forward and clasped either of your hands in his. He brought them close to his mouth, lips hovering near your skin and pressing a few soft kisses to your knuckles. “You’re great at it, baby, don’t doubt yourself. And I was never amazing right off the bat. It took me a long time and lots of hard work to get where I am today.”

“Yeah, but some people are just naturally born with it, and I don’t think I am. So… that’s why I was trying to improve.” You shrugged slowly, a zap of energy coursing through your veins each time Hyunjin pressed a fervent kiss against your hands.

“Well, I always think that improvement is good. But, there has to be a balance. You can’t simply ignore your health just because you want to get better at something.” Your boyfriend said in a calm voice, the warmth of it vibrating on your flesh and softening some hard part inside of you. “And besides, even if you weren’t born with the gift of dance - which I don’t believe to be true - there are still other gifts that you have that are unique and wonderful to you, baby. You shouldn’t compare yourself to me, or anyone else, for that matter.”

You gave him a frown, eyes locked on his mouth that kept nearing your knuckles and pressing kisses there. “I know, but… it’s just hard sometimes, you know? To be dating such a… talented man.”

A tiny sound of pain - of heartbreak - fled from Hyunjin’s mouth then, and suddenly, he was pulling you towards him. Fitting his arms around your waist, he squeezed on tight. In an instant, you melted into the touch, burrowing yourself into the crook of his neck and inhaling his calming, sweet scent.

“I’m so sorry that you’ve felt like this, sweetheart. I had no idea.” He mumbled close to your ear, imprinting a soft kiss against the exposed skin there. “How can I make it up to you, darling? How can I change things, so that you don’t think so poorly of yourself anymore?”

You positioned yourself away from him a tiny bit, offering him a light smile, “Babe, you don’t have to do anything for me. My low self-esteem when it comes to dancing isn’t your fault, so don’t worry about it.”

He leaned in, kissing your lips gently. “Yes, but I don’t like the thought of you feeling so down about your abilities…” his voice trailed off into silence, as he contemplated what he could do for you. “I know- I’m going to nurse you back to health, and when your ankle is completely healed, I’ll help you continue learning that dance routine from your class. How does that sound, love?”

You kissed him back, hot breaths mingling slightly in the passion of the moment. “I’d like that very much, but… don’t you have your schedules?”

Hyunjin waved a nonchalant hand in the air like he didn’t have so many people expecting high standards from him every single day. “I can still help you and do my job, baby- it isn’t rocket science.”

You contemplated his idea over in your head. You hadn’t liked him trying to teach you different dances in the past, but perhaps that was because of your issues and not because of his teaching. And now that your struggles with the thing were out in the open, you got the feeling that your boyfriend would be extra careful when teaching you - treat you extra gently when explaining certain moves.

“Okay, I like the idea,” you decided, nodding your head slowly in approval. A wide smile cracked across your lips as you stared at his face that was alight with happiness and contentment, “When do we start?”

“How does eight weeks from now sound? To give your ankle plenty of time to heal.”

Gently carding a few fingers through his light, peachy-pink silky locks, you bent into him, the smile still plastered onto your face as you gave his mouth another kiss which felt like the hundredth one in the last hour. “Sounds perfect.” You said, and soon he was smirking against your lips, before tightening his grip around your hips, yanking you ever closer to his form, and smashing his mouth against yours in a fiery, loving kiss.

Fin.

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peachyfnaf · 5 months ago

Note

Morning peachy!

Happy Friday, I was scrolling through your blog and literally didn't realize you were the one that made the Nexus design that lives in my head rent free. I love your art and vibes ❤️🥰❤️

I'm at the part when Old Moon is back and met Earth it's SO AWKWARD

I don't like it (not mad he's back but it's just the entire lead up has me upset)

I was watching Baby Moon/New Moon and Earth like you said and idk, I think it's really messed up how everything went down. Earth seemed to jump to a lot of conclusions about New Moon and she seemed really upset but also I don't think what New Moon said to push her away was actually that mean. Maybe it's just me?

I also didn't like how Sun went to others for help because he's so lost on what to do with New Moon and everyone was just "let's kill him"

I'm so messed up over this....

What's your thoughts on this? I want to know your observations 👀✍️

First off,

SNIFFS. bro your art and your vibes are INCREDIBLE so that compliment means a whole lot to me. tysm <3

Second off, oh-ho-ho. my friend, you've just opened up pandora's box for me. this response is gonna be a long one, let's see how incomprehensible it will get-

(Also, just so anyone who doesn't know me knows, I'm currently not watching the security breach shows due to a bit of burnout, but mostly due to me not liking the current sams arc. I'm just avoiding it for the sake of me mental health. sooo if I bring up something that has already been acknowledged/fixed/changed in canon, forgive me <3. for sams, I have knowledge up to about "brothers REUNITE in vrchat", so. just go into this knowing that lol)

OKAY. AHEM. DISCLAIMERS DONE. HERE WE GO.

Don't have much to say about "I don't like it (not mad he's back but it's just the entire lead up has me upset)" other than I 1000% agree. I (again, personally) actually don't like that he's back, mostly because the lead up to O.M's return felt very rushed, it makes O.M's original sacrifice for K.C completely in vain, and O.M has essentially just taken N.M's role in the family now that N.M is where he is now, as Nexus. it was all very frustrating to see happen.

And, whooh, I can go on and on and on about how O.M has shown many signs that he hasn't actually improved as a person/brother as much as he claims to have, but I think that harpers on spoiler territory for you Sab so I'll save that for another day dkjfhsdfsd but as for the SECOND part of your statement...

"...I think it's really messed up how everything went down. Earth seemed to jump to a lot of conclusions about New Moon and she seemed really upset but also I don't think what New Moon said to push her away was actually that mean. Maybe it's just me?"

IT 👏 IS 👏 NOT 👏 JUST 👏 YOU 👏

From what I can tell, actually a lot of people agree with you!!! (me included). this leads to kind of a divide in-fandom between people who are on the families side, and those who are on New Moon's/Nexus'. and from what I've seen, even the people who aren't on either side just kind of find Nexus pathetic and emo. which is 100% fair and understandable, considering his "villain arc" was built off of shakey ground lol. AND while I am 100% a N.M/Nexus apologist, that wont stop me from acknowledging that he fucked up bad in some places sdkfjhsdjfk really, everyone messed up a lot to get into the situation they are now story-wise. it's not just one sides fault, and it's draining seeing people trying to make the dilemma one of black and white morals when it is 20x more complex than that. OKAY MINI RANT OVER, ONTO WHAT YOU REFERENCED SKFJDHSDF so. did Earth have every right to be hurt by what New Moon said? oh, 100% yeah, her brother just insulted and demeaned her to her face, ofc it would hurt.

But what really confuses me is how personally she took his insults??? Right before, genuinely, right before that confrontation; Sun warned her that Moon might say something he didn't mean. he warned her, because he knows from experience.

and yet Earth took it to heart??? w. why??? she knows a lot about mental health stuff, or she's supposed to, right??? surely she'd understand that it's a very common trauma/fear response for people to become aggressive and lash out, even against those who they love and care for??? right???

And I also agree that she was jumping to conclusions, or at least misinterpreting N.M's goals/intentions/reasonings. when N.M called her "not a real therapist", she took the greatest offense to that. but. the thing is. he wasn't??? wrong???? did he say it in a rude as hell and aggressive way??? yup, no denying that! but he's not wrong.

Earth isn't a licensed therapist. she is an animatronic with downloaded protocols and processes given to her by the Creator in attempts to try and be a therapist. but she literally admits it to herself multiple times in the show that she's not a real therapist, she just does her best. so it always confused me why she took N.M's statement to heart, because genuinely, for him, her best (or more specifically, her kind and patient style of therapy) wasn't enough. which is v tragic, much ow, big pain.

At the time of being confronted, N.M was exhausted, desperate, spiraling, hallucinating, not wanting to ask for help, lying to both himself and the family, in mourning- basically holding on by a thread. so when cornered, (literally, he physically was cornered in P&S) he lashed out and said mean things to be able to push those he cared about away and "get to safety". it was wrong of him to do, yes, but considering everything we knew about how Moon's (both New and Old) react to stressful situations from prior tragedies, it was to be expected.

BUT THEN??? EVERYONE JUST KIND OF GAVE UP ON HIM AFTER THAT????? he made one mistake. one. one mistake. and suddenly everyone was all like "alright, we've got to kill him." I??? DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK THAT'S A LITTLE BIT FUCKED UP??? HELLO?????

I'm not denying that N.M was becoming unstable. I'm not denying that he was becoming aggressive. he was, and that's why he needed help. he needed someone to stick by him even as he was pushing them away, to love him even at his lowest, and no one did. Imo, at least Sun has the excuse of being traumatized by Old Moon's past actions, which could explain why he was so desperate for everyone else's input, but Earth and Lunar??? Monty and Puppet too??? hello???? why the hell are you doing your brother/friend (who is doing all of this TO GET SOLAR BACK BECAUSE HE WANTS TO MAKE THEM ALL HAPPY, MIND YOU) like this???? HELLO????

And I'm also bringing up that Nexus still hasn't really. done anything??? in the current point of the story??? the worst thing he's done so far is rough up O.M a bit. but other than that, all he did was say cruel/threatening things to/about the other Celestials. he's yet to act on.. anything?? he hasn't killed a single person. and you know who have killed people?? Sun, Lunar, Solar, Old Moon, Puppet, Monty... and yet?? some people see him as an irredeemable monster???? it's. strange to me. it's obvious he's hurting, it's obvious he still cares. and he's literally killing himself to try and make the pain that comes with caring stop- isolating himself, poisoning himself, and literally ripping out his own emotions, idk guys, those don't seem like the actions of an irredeemable villain, but maybe it's just me sdkfljhsdf

As expected, this turned into an essay. BUT I'm done now, me-me needs to go take a shower gkfdjhhfgjsd thank you for the excuse to yap, Sabronda!!! I love New Moon/Nexus so much they're my ultimate cringefail. I'm certain they have an edgy Sonic OC somewhere in that evil lab of theirs

#asks tag #tsams #the sun and moon show #sams #sun and moon show #yapping about smtn tag #the duck is seasoned. (salty)#<- actually i had a damn good time writing this but im tagging that just to be cautious lol

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blackwwatch · 6 months ago

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something i haven't seen wrt FoM feedback is the character writing and dialogue. there's a lot of it, and they can react differently if you give certain items, seen certain dialogue, experienced different events, etc. which makes it really fun to talk with them several times over the course of an in-game day.

i think it's also nice that they have preexisting relationships with each other. i think it would be even better if there was more conflict, goals, and distinguishing characteristics between them to allow them to develop as characters.

1. dialogue

it's a little difficult since many characters have similar backgrounds and therefore speaking styles, but i think the character voice could be improved by varying sentence length, word choice, structure, and topic. otherwise, many of the characters talk very similarly--very articulate, forward, and kind. if i take away the speaker, can you distinguish who's speaking which lines?

You're so busy, and you still find time to be this thoughtful! Thank you, [player].

Adeline was originally suspicious of me, but she let me stick around. Guess I have my uses!

This gift is wasted on me, [player]. But maybe I can pass it on.

I like to drop by the General Store on Friday before everyone starts gathering!

Early mornings are my least favorite time in Mistria. Everyone's so... cheery. Like they're about to break into song.

the answers are: Adeline, Balor, Valen, Reina, and Juniper.

it was probably easier to narrow down the last one to either March or Juniper, right? and i think that adds to their popularity--they're distinguishable from the other characters in that they're ruder and less cheerful. they talk about you or others more than they talk about themselves.

that being said, i'm not saying dialogue quirks is what needs to be added. we already have holt, dell, maple, and luc.

each piece of dialogue should say something about the character themselves. whether that is their outlook on life, their aspirations, etc., and every character should have something different about them. they can be cheerful--i think that's a charm of Mistria, where it's so safe and trusting that celine keeps her door unlocked so that juniper and the player can barge in to ask for help--but emphasize different parts of the cheer.

is adeline more optimistic than everyone else? is balor more persistent in his beliefs? does this translate to shorter, and more casual dialogue for balor because he's preserving his out-of-town accent?

does valen have higher standards for you? is her dialogue full of more jargon and prose than adeline because she believes you also share her language?

is reina confident in her organization and time keeping? does she talk as if she's giving you advice because everyone could use a little help in time management?

2. progression

i think seeing character development as you gain hearts with the characters would make it more rewarding to talk with them every day. we have mini "plot lines" that follow them (Balor getting more into D&D, Juniper and Terithia speculating about the townsfolk), and i think there could be more "subplots" to add to the excitement of a new day. for example,

could Adeline be so focused on running the town that she doesn't realize that Eiland would actually prefer spending all his time at the dig site instead? do you get to encourage her to put Eiland on more hands-on tasks instead of paperwork?

is ryis struggling to get noticed as a maturing carpenter in his own right? does landen ask for your help to promote ryis and officially retire?

it could be rewarding to see ryis or another character achieve their goals because you helped them, or even saw a different villager help them. it's nice that you could see them grow and change because you had taken the time to build that relationship.

3. heart events

i would also like to see heart events for non-romanceable characters because i think it would add more life to the town. since this is early access, i assume they're still in-progress.

#im a couple hours in (mid summer) but these are my current thoughts #forgive me if some of these are addressed at higher heart levels #and if so #i think emphasizing or showing them earlier on would greatly add to the experience #fields of mistria #feedback #i'll probably submit it since it's early access but thought i'd post it to reflect on it better

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arkanis-englishupdates · 3 months ago

Text

SUMMARY OF ALL ARKANIS POVS

DAY 63 — 05/11/2024

Valigma dawns with a lot of excitement for the upcoming elections!

A video about the elections is shown to the specialists:

Voting for Mayor will take place on Friday, and the debates between candidates will be supervised by Hugo.

Remembering that the following candidates for Mayor and Vice Mayor are:

Pactw for Mayor and Himaru for Vice Mayor.

JVNQ for Mayor and Guaxinim for Vice Mayor.

All the residents/specialists of Valigma are divided on who they will vote for, an intense political battle.

FEAR meets with Quel and shows her the rest of the vision of Cherry's death.

Apparently Cherry was kidnapped and placed in Bia Raux prison, where Araldo tells FEAR that their bargain is complete. FEAR is grateful for the successful deal and Araldo absorbs Cherry's Arkanya/Vital energy, causing it to be completely dissolved.

Moonkase finds out from the new edition of ValNews that Bagi dumped her, leaving her extremely sad. While she was sad, Nicklink calls her to talk, and shows her sister the items he got.

One of these items is a very strong sword, which interested Moonkase immediately.

After being taught how to multiply items by JVNQ, Moonkase goes back to talk to Nicklink and manages to multiply the sword. However, when she managed to get Nicklink's sword to multiply, she accidentally took the copy in her hand in front of him and he gets very angry with her, so he leaves without wanting to hear any explanation.

Moonkase tries to contact Nicklink to try to return the original sword and keep the copy, but her brother doesn't respond to her messages.

Quel meets with Choke to talk and reveals that he knows who killed Cherry. She says that FEAR told her that Araldo killed Cherry and showed her a vision of what happened.

Choke says that Bagi said she found out from Mona that Bia was the one who killed Cherry.

After that, the two change the subject after Moonkase arrives.

Milo tells Choke and Guhzera that he supports and blesses their relationship.

Suddenly, the specialists (who were meeting in front of the town hall) receive a book containing the new improvements to Valigma's Shop, but suddenly everyone has a vision:

The vision begins in Julia's POV, she is inside the store looking desperate and as she walks out the front door, Araldo appears in the skies in front of the store. He talks about the good feeling of Arkanya flowing through his body and says it's not enough power.

Araldo destroys part of the store and, when he goes to use his power on Julia (probably to dilute her and steal her vital energy), Milo and Tucupi appear and throw themselves in front of Julia, protecting her from attack but being diluted in the process.

Milo and Tucupi disappear, indicating that they were diluted/"killed" by Araldo.

As soon as the two ghosts are dissolved, Bia appears and confronts Araldo. The two argue and Bia hits Araldo with her power (probably diluting him as well), killing him.

Bia quickly leaves the place, as if nothing had happened and the vision ends. All the specialists rush to the scene and the parents of the now diluted ghosts are in despair and grief.

After all, the domes of each location collapsed, both that of the Araldo's Factory (That returned to Valigma during the Halloween event) and Bia Raux's places.

The Araldo's Factory went into self-destruction after the dome was gradually deactivated. A chaotic and radioactive vision is seen in the place where the factory used to be.

[Please, if there is any wrong or missing information, let us know!]

#arkanis #arkanisgg #arkanis eng updates #mcyt

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astra-galaxie · 7 months ago

Note

Can I ask for 🫂😇 💝 🪢💔 😭 and 😶 for Gabriel Herrera please??? With a cherry in top? (I was originally getting strength to ask for Jones but someone asked already so here I offer you my other silly)

No worries! If you had given me a second Jones request, I would have tried my best to create new headcanons!😊

And of course you can ask for Gabriel! He’s an awesome character and one of my favourite S5 teammates! That being said, let’s see what I can come up with while enjoying the cherry you gave me!

🫂 A friendship headcanon

Even before studying psychology, Gabriel has always been the “therapist” friend. He’s an excellent listener and provides perfect advice to his friends, even if they might not like hearing the truth. He is the first person his friends come to for advice on how to handle certain situations. And while they might not be able to give him amazing advice in return, they always show their appreciation in other ways so that Gabriel knows how much his friendship means to them.

😇 A headcanon about their religion/lack thereof

I can see Gabriel being raised Roman Catholic, but he doesn’t practice as much as an adult compared to when he was a kid. He still attends Sunday mass but does skip a week every so often. But he always attends mass on special days like Christmas Eve, Good Friday and Easter. He wears a gold cross under his shirt and holds it sometimes to help him concentrate or relax.

💝 A headcanon about their love language

Gabriel expresses his love through words. Be it verbal, written, or even sung (though that one is rare), Gabriel has a way with words and uses them to tell people he loves them. He can also do it in other languages like French, Italian and Spanish. While English is his best language, he knows how to use others to charm a lover.

🪢 A headcanon about their family

He comes from a wealthy family, but his parents and relatives are not stuck up or out of touch with reality. They often donate to charity and support local not-for-profit organizations and programs to help improve the livelihood of those less fortunate. Despite growing up never having to worry about money, Gabriel is not one for luxury things or spending money without worry. He enjoys budgeting and buying things that serve a purpose and not just for the name or price they carry.

💔 An angsty headcanon

After Rupert died, Gabriel was the shoulder everyone cried on. While he was there to help Amir the most in the wake of his mentor’s passing, the other members of the GBPD also came to him to get out of their grief. But Gabriel never had anyone offer to listen to his grief. While the team buried Rupert together and mourned their loss, Gabriel never had a shoulder to cry on. The closest he had was Sofia, and while she did her best, there was only so much consoling that could be offered over the phone or through video calling.

😭 A headcanon about the worst thing that happened to them

Gabriel battled cancer as a child; it's why he never takes anything for granted and why his family gives back to charities, especially those for cancer research and to help sick children. He spent months in and out of hospitals for treatment and was in constant pain. He had multiple surgeries to remove the tumours and went through dozens of rounds of chemo. When the doctors declared him cancer-free, Gabriel was ecstatic. But he never forgot the pain he felt while fighting for his life and goes for routine testing to check if the cancer has come back.

😶 A random headcanon

He got to keep his policeman stripper outfit. He might not technically be a policeman, but that doesn’t mean he can’t put on a show for Sofia using the sexy uniform…

There you go! Some silly little headcanons for your other silly!

Thanks for the request and the cherry!

#criminal case #criminal case the conspiracy #gabriel herrera #headcanons #ask

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nekoannie-chan · 1 year ago

Text

Love or curse?

Title: Love or curse?

Fandom: Marvel, Captain America.

Ship: Steve Rogers X Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.!Mutant!Reader.

Word count: 579 words.

Rating: Teen.

Summary: You and Steve hate each other, or not?

Major Tags: Love bug, curse.

Additional tags: This is my entry to @sweetspicybingo, Sweetheart Bingo Card & square 4:

"Love bug.”

You can read it on Wattpad and Ao3.

@saiyanprincessswanie

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistakes, please let me know and I will correct them.

I don’t give any kind of permission for my fics to be posted on other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don't steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other people. The only exception is the ones I gifted 'cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and are not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Marvel's characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

Add yourself to my taglist here.

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If you like it, please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

Tags: @sinceimetyou @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad @navybrat817 @angrythingstarlight @shield-agent78 @charmed-asylum @pandaxnienke @real-fbi @smokeandnailz @white-wolf1940 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @xoxonotme @bluemusickid @leyannrae @harrysthiccthighss @marvelatthisone @caplanbuckybarnes @sapphire-rogers @lizzieolseniskinda @notyourtypicalrose @hallecarey1 @nana1000night @talia-rumlow @writingshae @alexxavicry @azulatodoryuga @daemonslittlebitch @chaoticcollectivenightmare @endlesstwanted @chemtrails-club @marigoldreamer @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @here4thefanfics @theestorm @patzammitt @kmc1989 @somegirlfrom

You ran as fast as you could to escape; although you had failed to obtain the Darkhold, you had obtained another important element. You mentally cursed Steve, telling him that you were not the right one for the mission, but he insisted, and of course, everyone listened to him.

But you couldn't stand it, simply because you owed Fury a favor by agreeing to be on the team, not to mention the fact that it seemed Tony had deliberately put you on the missions as a pair.

"Did you bring it?" Steve asked as soon as he saw you.

"Obviously no; I told you we needed a telepath or someone who could open portals; Morgan almost got me; I'm lucky I got out unharmed, but I brought the rest of the stuff," you said, completely annoyed. The only thing he had done all this time was to stay outside on "guard duty."

"We need..."

"Then go and get it," you spat, already tired of Steve's attitude towards you.

"Natasha would have brought it no matter what."

"Then go get her and make her bring it."

"You have powers..."

"And you're a super soldier; I'm only helping them because Fury asked me to; you're unbearable." You started to walk.

None of you realized that Morgan had seen everything; she knew what you had come for; she had even allowed you to take some things; she smiled when she saw you arguing and then recited some words. You never realized that she had bewitched you.

You couldn't stop thinking about Steve that night in the shower, but this time it was different.

On the other hand, Steve couldn't stop thinking about you either. The next morning, he got up very early to go for a run, but as soon as he saw the bakery with some cupcakes decorated with hearts, he didn't hesitate and went in to buy them, remembering that he had seen you eating those kinds of cupcakes several times.

"I brought you this," Steve said, offering you the box of muffins, which you took.

"Do you have any plans for Friday night?" You asked.

"Only if you have plans."

"Then I'll see you at eight."

"I'll be on time."

You closed the door. Lorna was looking at you confusedly from the other side of the screen. Steve had interrupted the video call they were having.

"Have you asked someone out? That doesn't sound like you," Lorna commented in surprise. "Who was it?"

"Steve," you replied without paying much attention.

"Steve Rogers?" Lorna was beginning to suspect that something strange was going on, probably as a result of the mission you had told her about, but before she did anything, she wanted to talk to someone who knew a lot about it.

"What do you know about this mission?" Nico asked.

"Not much; they were going for a book, and that it was a place where I think there was a sorceress or something like that," Lorna replied.

"Maybe it's Morgan... I think they have a curse; I'll have to find out how."

"Wait, no, maybe we should just leave it at that."

"But... "

"Y/N deserves to be happy; there's a chance that deep down they actually liked each other."

All week long, you and Steve had been flirting; even the rest of the team was starting to get suspicious.

"Well, they say there is only one step from hate to love," Natasha commented to Clint.

#sweetheart bingo #valentine's day #valentine's special #steve rogers x reader

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loveforlandonorris · 11 months ago

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🎤 Lando at the post-race press conference in Australia:

(So again, this video isn't mine, sadly. I can't access post-race press cons in the UK. I found this on YouTube, but this specific video I saved is not on there anymore, so I can't credit the original uploader. I've also cut the video to only include the questions and answers involving Lando)

Transcript:

Interviewer: Lando, coming to you, very many congratulations on your 14th career podium. Was this one unexpected?

Lando: Um, I think when you take the Red Bull out of it, I would say, no. I think our pace has been good all weekend. We put things together very nicely yesterday, uh, we showed a good, long run and high-fuel pace on Friday. So I wouldn't have said, uh, we had no chance. I didn't expect probably us to be competing against the Ferraris today. I think our pace was not as good as Carlos, but probably better than Charles.

So, I think, um, if I was being honest, we maybe missed out a little bit on an opportunity to be P2 today. But, um, yeah, for us to say that is a good sign, and I think, um, yeah, it's a good positive for the whole team. Uh, it's a good boost, it's nice to be back on the podium. And, uh, yeah, whether or not the Red Bull was there or not, um, our pace was good today and, uh, hopefully that continues for more races.

Interviewer: What more could you have done about Charles? Perhaps the undercut at the second pit stop? Was there... you say you left it on the table, but what could you have done?

Lando: I mean, we didn't leave anything on the table (laughs). But, uh, yeah, the lap we were gonna undercut, he boxed, so then, again, you have to go off and do, kind of, a different strategy. So, uh, we got close in the second stint, um, I got very close. Uh, if I boxed, I think I would have undercut. Um, but he boxed, so I missed that opportunity. So you always think, "what happens if we did it one lap earlier?"

But it's tough to make all those decisions at the time. And, um, it can easily go wrong at the same time; there are always consequences of doing so. So, um, I think we still did a very good job today. Uh, 3rd and 4th for us, as a team, is positive and a good load of points. Um, but they were clearly a better team, and, um, they have a better car at the minute. So whether or not we could beat them, they have a better car, they have a quicker car, and, uh, we have to work harder until we can, uh, match what they're doing.

Interviewer: Well, what about Suzuka in two weeks? Do you think McLaren, uh, can take a step forward again there, given where you were at that racetrack last year?

Lando: Uh, not really. Um, I think if, uh, if you look back to here last year, we were not terrible considering the car that we had. Um, we've now come back with a good car and we've shown what we can do, but I think this was always gonna be a good weekend for us. Um, Suzuka proved that last year, so I think they're kind of similar, you've got a lot of high speed. The problem is Ferrari have improved their high speed a lot, and that's where they were struggling last year.

So that's why they've been able to take such a good step forward. Um, I think we can still have a good weekend, we can still look forward to it. And I would love to say, if we can get two cars on the podium again, it would be, uh, a lovely weekend. But, um, I think we have two more cars this year that we're competing against on these types of circuits, not just, uh, not just Max.

Journalist Questions:

Interviewer: This is probably a good moment to bring in, uh, a question that's come in via email from Scott Mitchell-Mahm at The Race, and it's:

Question 1 (Scott Mitchell-Mahm – The Race, via email) First of all, to Charles and Lando, who know Carlos so well as a person and as a racing driver, do you guys think Carlos is underrated? And to Carlos afterwards, do you sometimes think you don't get the credit you deserve?

[Charles answers]

Interviewer: Lando, please, your thoughts?

Lando: Um, I think Charles put it well, to be honest. Uh, if anyone thinks he's... um, yeah, there's no reason anyone should think he's underrated. I think for the people who know him, know what he's capable of doing, know his effort level, um, his approach and dedication to wanting to be one of the best, exactly like he's proved, uh, today, and over the last couple of weeks. Um, I'm sure you have, uh, plenty of drivers who probably wouldn't have tried as hard and dedicated so much of their time and effort to, um, to trying to recover and get back in the race car. Um, and I think that's just one example of it.

But for the people who know what he's capable of doing, um, you would never ever say he's underrated. I think, uh, yeah, of course, results are always a bit of a point to show and people on the outside just easily judge things from what you see on TV. But, um, when you've worked with him, when you know what he's capable of doing, and when things click, they click very well and he has performances like he does this weekend. And I would say he has - all year, he's proved to be, um, uh, I'd say, a step up from maybe what he has been last year. So, uh, yeah, you're silly if you underrate him.

Interviewer: Do we have any more from the floor? Yes, we do. Yep?

Question 2 (Dominic Criniti – SEN Radio) Just a question for Lando. Congratulations on the podium first off. I just wanted to know if... uh, what your level of sympathy is towards Oscar. Obviously he had the chance to finish on the podium. Is it a bit of a bittersweet feeling for the team in that sense?

Lando: Um, uh, it depends how you look at it. Like, uh, I was a lot quicker, and I would have overtaken him anyway. It's just, uh, you don't wanna delay the process of that happening, and the longer I, kind of, spent behind him, the worse it was making my chance of catching Charles and trying to be ahead of Charles.

So, um, yeah, I don't think the result changed at all. Um, he made my life easier and I think he helped us as a team, which I thanked him for a lot, and we have a lot of respect for one another in these, kind of, situations. Um, but I don't think the result changed, uh, at all.

Uh, but yeah, for any driver who's racing in front of their home fans, uh, you wanna be on the podium (smiles). So I don't think, uh... yeah, I would ever take anything away from that, or for what Oscar has provided and helped for in the team. Um, but, uh, I don't think the end result changed, no matter what.

#lando norris #landonorris #ln4 #mclaren #australian gp 2024 #aus gp 2024 #australian gp #formula one #formula 1 #f1

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im-just-a-br0adway-baby · 1 year ago

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To say that being a single mother of triplets was tough would be an understatement, especially for Alma Madrigal. Not only that her children would run circles around her whenever they could, but their development was visibly different, despite being the same age. It has become more apparent now that the triplets have recently turned three years old. Julieta and Pepa were saying so many words and even Pepa started reading the signs they saw on their walks in the village. Bruno, on the other hand, was not saying anything. Every time sound came out of his mouth, it was still completely incomprehensible.

While Julieta and Pepa both understand what Bruno was trying to communicate, mainly because he smiles or nods most of the time they are together, Alma still thought about what would happen when they started school the coming fall. She did not want to hold Bruno back, she wanted him to go to school with his sisters. At the same time, she was concerned about the fact that none of the preschools in the Encanto was going to enroll him unless his language improved.

It was not until one day when Alma’s fears would begin to shrink. She picked the triplets up from daycare one Friday afternoon and the mother and children walked through the village together. One of her friends, Rosa, saw her and she stopped to talk to her.

“Hola, Alma! I know you told me about how concerned you were about Bruno’s language, but I found someone that I think would help!” Rosa said.

“You did?” Alma responded.

“Si; there’s a speech and occupational therapist that just transferred to the Encanto, Dr. Valeria Martinez.”

Rosa then handed Alma a small business card with Dr. Martinez’s name and address handwritten on it. She looked at the business card and smiled before putting it in her dress pocket.

“Gracias, Rosa! I hope to get to see her on Monday with Bruno and talk to her about what’s been going on.”

“De nada, Alma; and good luck!”

Alma hugged her friend with a smile and continued walking with the triplets. They continued walking in the village square until they got back to Casita and the triplets dropped their backpacks on the couch. The three went into the living room to play with their toys and Alma sat on the couch in the courtyard and took Dr. Martinez’s business card out of her dress pocket. She stared at the card and smiled.

“I hope my prayers will be answered with you.”

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Once Monday rolled around, Alma took the triplets to Dr. Martinez’s office after picking them up from daycare. They walked into the office to see Dr. Martinez sitting at her desk and sat in front of her.

“Hola! You’re here for a consultation?” Dr. Martinez asked.

“Si; my friend gave me your business card and I wanted to talk to you about doing a session with my son, Bruno. I have triplets and I’ve been noticing he’s not meeting the same language milestones as his sisters and now that they all turned three, it’s beginning to concern me. I don’t want to hold him back when they start preschool next year, but I know none of the preschools in the Encanto are going to enroll him unless he can at least acquire some language skills,” Alma explained to the therapist.

Dr. Martinez took the notes in her pad. “How long has this been going on?”

“Since Julieta started talking. Pepa started talking super early and even started saying three and four-syllable words before their second birthday. I originally figured Bruno was just going to be a little bit delayed since Pepa and Julieta started talking at different times. But now that they’re three and he’s still not talking, it’s worrying me.”

Dr. Martinez continued writing what Alma was saying in her notes. “Would it be okay if I took Bruno into my office so I can get to know him a little bit more?”

Alma nodded and Dr. Martinez and Bruno made their way to her office as Alma waited in the front with Julieta and Pepa. They sat at a little table together and faced each other. Bruno looked at Dr. Martinez and studied her as she smiled at him.

“Hi, Bruno! I’m Dr. Martinez. Would you like a toy?”

Bruno stared at Dr. Martinez and reached out for her arm. He squealed in excitement and began feeling her arm until he started to hold her hands. He smiled and Dr. Martinez gently removed his hands and got up from the table. She came back with a shape sorting cube and gave it to Bruno. She took out the star toy and showed it to him.

“Star,” Dr. Martinez said as she showed the toy to him.

She then put the star inside the star hole. Bruno smiled and tried to repeat her, and sound was coming out, but he could not get the syllables. Instead, he grabbed the circle toy and put it in the circle hole.

“Circle,” Dr. Martinez emphasized.

Bruno made another noise that was incomprehensible. He tried as hard as he could to say “circle”, but all he could do was make the same incomprehensible noises he’s been making this entire time. Dr. Martinez continued writing notes in her pad as Bruno continued playing with the shape sorter and making noises.

For the rest of the session, Dr. Martinez brought out more toys and said more words associated with the toys as Bruno attempted to say them. He continued playing with the toys until the hour they had together was finished.

Bruno and Dr. Martinez came back to the front after their session to see Alma, Julieta, and Pepa waiting for them. Bruno ran to Julieta and Pepa and they hugged him as tightly as they could. Dr. Martinez took out her notes to review the session to Alma.

“During our session, it seems to be clear that he’s trying his hardest to repeat what is being said to him. The sound is coming out, but he’s having trouble with the syllables. My best suggestion would be to focus on very specific syllables before having him speak full words. I have a couple of exercises that could help him in this folder,” Dr. Martinez explained as she gave Alma the folder she mentioned.

Alma went through the folder and found several sheets with specific syllables for Bruno to work on at home. “Gracias, Dr. Martinez; this should help Bruno with the first step in speaking.”

Dr. Martinez smiled and shook Alma’s hand. “I hope this will help him. I’ll see you next week.”

Alma and the triplets left the office and walked back to Casita. Julieta and Pepa asked Bruno lots of questions about Dr. Martinez and if she was nice. While Bruno could not answer with words, the girl still knew that he liked her.

---------------------------------------

Several weeks have passed, and Bruno has made progress with pronouncing one syllable at a time. While he has not said a word just yet, Alma was feeling optimistic about his speech because of the progress he was making. It was not until one early spring day when the triplets were drawing together in Casita’s courtyard when Alma’s prayers would be answered.

“Look what I drew!” Pepa exclaimed as she held up her drawing of herself, Julieta, and Bruno together outside on a sunny day under a rainbow.

“I love that picture!” Julieta replied.

The girls expected Bruno to make another noise to show how much he liked the picture, but instead, he pointed to where Pepa drew herself. He did not remove his finger from the paper and opened his mouth to try and say what he wanted to say.

“Pepa!” Bruno said in a way that was still a little bit slurred, but still pretty easy to understand.

Julieta and Pepa looked at Bruno simultaneously in shock as their mouths dropped open. Before they could run to their mother, Bruno pointed at the picture again, but this time, to where Pepa drew Julieta.

“Juli!” Bruno said as he smiled.

Julieta’s and Pepa’s smiles grew wider as they screamed in excitement. Alma overheard her daughters’ screaming and ran into the courtyard from the kitchen, originally assuming somebody got hurt.

“¿Qué está sucediendo? Is everyone alright?” Alma asked as she saw her triplets still on the floor together.

“Did you hear Bruno?” Pepa asked, still smiling.

“He said our names!” Julieta added.

“I… I showed him my drawing and he pointed to me in the drawing and said my name! Then he pointed to Julieta and said her name!”

Alma looked at Bruno and he pointed at Pepa’s drawing of herself again! “Pepa!” he said again and smiled. Alma put her hand on her mouth and cried tears of joy. Bruno pointed at Julieta on Pepa’s drawing and said “Julieta!”

Alma continued crying and picked Bruno up and hugged him. She cried more in his ruana and Bruno hugged her back. Julieta and Pepa ran up to Alma and hugged her and reached for Bruno to give him a hug.

“Mama!” Bruno said as he went back to hug his mother.

Alma’s eyes widened and she looked at Bruno when she heard him say “mama.” She held him closer and tighter as she cried more. “Asi es! Mama! I’m Mama, Brunito! Mama!”

Alma put Bruno down and Julieta and Pepa gave him the tightest hug they possibly could. Bruno hugged his sisters back and they sat back on Casita’s couch together. Alma went back into the kitchen, still crying tears of joy, as the triplets continued drawing their pictures together while waiting for dinner to be ready.

“Bruno talks!” Pepa pointed out as she and Julieta hugged again.

“Bruno talks!” Julieta repeated.

“Bruno!” Bruno repeated when he heard his sisters say his name.

Julieta and Pepa looked at each other, and then at Bruno. They screamed again and looked at Bruno in excitement and hugged him once more. “You’re saying more words, Bruno!” Pepa yelled.

Bruno smiled and hugged his sisters back until Alma came back to the courtyard from the kitchen. She saw her triplets still celebrating Bruno’s milestone and sat on the couch until her children were finished screaming.

“Dinner’s ready, mijos.”

The triplets ran into the kitchen for dinner and to tell Alma about how Bruno just said his own name.

-------------------------------------------

The months following the triplets’ first official day of preschool saw much more progress in Bruno’s language. Ever since he said his sisters’ names for the first time, he was pointing to more objects and saying more words. Dr. Martinez has noticed this progress during every one of Bruno’s speech sessions since. At his first session after the triplets’ fourth birthday, Dr. Martinez noticed he was much closer to being on par with the rest of his peers in his language development.

Bruno was talking more to his classmates and Julieta and Pepa could even have more conversations with him. This also helped Bruno build his confidence over time. In their toddler class, his teachers did not think he was going to meet the same milestones as his sisters because of his language delay and he was not verbally telling his teachers anything. Now that he is speaking more, his teachers have noticed he understood what they were saying the entire time, he was just having trouble verbally expressing himself.

Bruno left his session with Dr. Martinez, feeling more confident than he ever was before. He not only was saying more words, but was also saying short phrases.

“How was your session?” Alma asked as she and the triplets started walking into the village and back to Casita.

“I liked it!” Bruno responded with a smile.

“Was it fun?” Julieta asked.

“It was!”

The Madrigals continued walking and talking about Bruno’s session. The fact that Alma could have a conversation with Bruno now made all of her fears disappear. She could finally understand him and she felt like she could have a stronger relationship with him; and Bruno loved having a better relationship with his mother and sisters.

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hecate-steps-on-me · 2 years ago

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Snapshots of the Seresins

This fic was originally supposed to be for the tgm love is in the air but then I got ridiculously busy and had a baby so here it finally is. Thank you so so much to @cherrycola27 and @roosterforme for reading this and giving their feedback. It is very appreciated!!

Warnings: none but it’s very angsty and my first time writing a fic which should be a warning in itself

snapshots of the important moments in the Seresins lives

July 7, 2019

Jacob Seresin was not interested in relationships and he especially was not interested in love. He swore he was going to die single and he was perfectly okay with that. It was a typical night out for him. Shoot whiskey, throw darts, and kick Rooster's ass at pool. While their mission had improved their friendship, it had not improved Rooster's pool game.

He was walking up to the bar to buy another round for the Dagger Squad. He got his drinks from Penny, turned around, and spilled every single one of them on the prettiest girl he'd ever seen in his life. "Shit! I'm so sorry ma'am. Let me grab some napkins," he said, hoping he didn't piss you off too bad. When he turned to grab the napkins, he tilted the tray, effectively spilling everything left in the glasses all over your already beer-stained tank top. You gave him a smile that didn't even seem forced even though you smelled like a brewery, and just laughed it off. You had a loud laugh that sounded so genuinely happy. He wanted to hear it every day. "How about I grab my extra shirt from my car and you can take me out next Friday to make up for it?" He was dumbfounded. Not only were you gorgeous, but you were also covered in his beer and still wanted to go out with him next Friday.

October 28, 2019

Jake had screwed up royally. You had been dating for about three months now. You were perfect. You were beautiful, smarter than anyone he knew, could cook like nobody's business, and you made him feel wanted. With you, he never felt like you were just in it for the sex. You wanted all of him, and that scared him to death. Maybe that was why he'd said it. It was drunk rambling really, but you'd overheard him. He remembered it like it was burned into his mind. You walking into the Hard Deck in a yellow sundress that complimented your skin perfectly, you walking up behind him just in time for you to hear him tell Javy how it wasn't serious between the two of you and how it was just a friend with benefits situation that he'd let go on too long, he felt the drink splash on him from behind, and before he could say anything at all to try and fix the mess he'd made, you were storming out of the bar holding back tears.

When Javy pulled up in the driveway to Jake's apartment with a very drunk Jake in tow, they were just in time to see you throwing everything you could grab into a duffel bag. Tears were streaming down your face, black from the mascara you had so carefully applied just an hour ago. He started to speak. "Don't Jake. Just don't. You've already said enough for one night." You tried to lace it with venom you didn't feel. "Baby, please. Yell at me, scream as loud as you can, don't talk to me for the rest of both of our lives, but please baby. Do not walk out that door." You looked at him and with all the hurt you had you told him you never cared if you saw him again.

January 15, 2020

The next three months were hell for both of you. Especially Jake. He flew like he didn't care if he came back and everybody on the Dagger Squad was worried about him. Natasha and Bob had tried to get through to him to no avail. Javy had taken him home more times than he could count. When Rooster heard that Maverick had grounded him, he showed up at Jake's apartment. He was greeted by a red-eyed Jake and a, "What the hell do you want?" Rooster walked in and told him to sit down. They never told anybody exactly what was said in the next hour, but it was enough to make Jake show up at your door the next day.

He was surprised when you answered and even more surprised that you let him in. "What are you here for Jake?" He sighed and heart in hand he began to explain. "I know you heard what I said and I know that saying I was drunk doesn't make it any better. I got the smartest, sexiest, most amazing woman to fall for me and it scared me. Knowing you could leave at any time when you realized that I wasn't good enough for you, being too drunk, and being scared to death I said a lot of things that weren't true and that I didn't mean. You don't owe me anything and you probably shouldn't forgive me, but I'm asking you to. If you can't or won't, I'll understand. I'll walk out and you can move on."

You let out a long breath. You were still mad and you were still hurt, and his apologizing didn't make any of that go away but it did help. "Jake, I've missed you. Just because you're an idiot doesn't mean I don't love you. It's not fine just yet. There's still a lot of fixing that needs to be done, but you're worth it." He wrapped you up in his arms and you let him.

August 17, 2022

"Do you, Jake Seresin, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?" With a smile bigger than the state of Texas, and eyes full of love, he whispered only to you, "I do." With that, the justice of the peace pronounced you husband and wife, and out the courthouse steps you walked.

Later that night, crowded into the Hard Deck, Rooster raised his glass. "It's been a long road for these two, but they've made it. Congratulations you two and good luck to your wife Jake!" You laughed as Jake rolled his eyes and pressed a kiss to your lips. A cheer went up around the bar and some old country song started playing. "Dance with me Mrs. Seresin?" You smiled up at him. "Of course. As long as you don't spill your beer on me." Jake just laughed and pulled you out of your seat. As you spun around to the music, you were so happy, so in love, and so ready for this to be the rest of your life.

August 17, 2026

Javy and Rooster knew they would never get this terrible sound out of their minds for the rest of their lives. The wail that didn't sound human was still pouring out of your mouth as they held you up. As soon as you'd heard the words you just started screaming. It was a terrible, awful sound that didn't seem like it would ever stop. The men just held you, tears falling from both of their faces.

"We regret to inform you that Lieutenant Commander Seresin has been killed in action." At the funeral, it was dark and pouring rain. Even the sky seemed to be crying for the love you'd lost. As they handed you the flag, you heard the shots ring out around you. With a blank face and a shattered heart, you let Rooster escort you back to the car.

July 7, 2027

Over the next few months, they watched you wither away. You'd lost at least twenty pounds and the bags under your eyes were big enough to carry groceries. You had quit your job and nobody in the Dagger Squad had seen you leave the house in weeks.

The official cause of death was broken heart syndrome. You had grieved yourself to death. Javy felt a sick sense of déjà vu as he once again walked into the graveyard on a dark and rainy day. As they laid you into the ground next to Jake, they handed another folded flag off. This time to your sobbing mother. Once again, shots rang out around him. The Dagger Squad turned and walked away. Nobody had anything to say. Once again, they piled into the Hard Deck and Rooster raised his glass just like he had five years ago. "To Jake and Y/N Seresin. United once again."

#@cherrycola27 #jake hangman seresin #jake x you #jake seresin x you #jake hangman x reader #jake seresin x y/n #jake seresin #jake seresin x reader #jake hangman x you

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dis0rderly-cl0wn-nerd · 4 months ago

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Crack A Smile and Cut Your Mouth

Ledger!Joker Origin Story

Chapter Twelve - Calloused Heart

Warnings: Self harm

Chapter Summary: Things keep getting worse and worse for Jack. He does something horribly unexpected one night and leaves the apartment to get some air. He discovers that outside things aren't much better than they are for him.

Author's Note: This took way too long. And I don't think it's even that good for the amount of time I spent on it. Oh well. Staying at home this week due to the storm has certainly helped me get things done. Anyway, we are getting closer and closer to Jack's complete transformation. Just 4 more chapters. I can't wait for the ending! 😈

Taglist: @alittlesmartcookie @furisodespirit

If you would like to be added to the taglist please let me know! <3

< Previous - Next >

Another year passed and still things did not improve. They had in fact gotten much worse.

Every day it was the same old same old. Yet Jack was starting to feel like everything was getting increasingly out of control by the day.

Tonight, he sat at his kitchen table, his mind wandering and his eyes distant. He held an apple and a knife in his hands. He was supposed to slice it and have a snack before he went on his nightly run but something had distracted him from the task, causing him to sit in silence, lost in thought.

He finally snapped out of his daze and placed the apple on the table for him to cut. He sliced it into halves and went from there. When he was done, he looked down at the sharp knife in his hands and the shimmer on the blade. Mesmerized, he twisted the knife around his fingers and played around with it.

Back when he was deployed and everyone was sitting around bored with nothing better to do, some of the other soldiers would do that knife trick from Aliens to some poor private that didn’t know any better. Jack would always watch from afar and laugh to himself.

He continued fidgeting with the knife, reminiscing about the past and mulling over his current situation. Sometimes he just liked to sit and think.

Then the impulsive thoughts took over all at once.

Jack didn’t know what came over him. What happened next was all a blur afterwards. All he could think about was how he wanted to feel something again. What would just a little pressure on his arm feel like? Maybe a little more?

Before he knew it, there were two angry slashes and red trickles of blood across his forearm. He gasped faintly as he realized what he was doing and threw the knife down, rushing to the bathroom. He found bandages in the cabinet and began frantically cleaning up the wounds, dousing them with peroxide.

Jack was starting to feel the pain now that the initial high of the adrenaline had worn off. It burned and spread across his arm like wildfire. Tears pricked his eyes. What the hell was he thinking?

Thankfully the cuts weren’t too deep. He dressed them with bandages and not long after went back into the kitchen. He stared down in disbelief at the bloody knife discarded on the table. This was a new low.

“I’m so fucking tired…” He said to no one in particular, rubbing his weary eyes.

He decided that in order to clear his head and ward off those harmful thoughts, he needed to go get some fresh air. After all he still had that run to do.

Throwing on a brown flannel over the black long sleeve shirt and worn out gray slacks he was wearing, Jack grabbed his keys and out the door he went. The January night air was crisp and sharp. It burned through his lungs as he took off running.

He slowed to a light jog as he moved into a busy area. The streets were alive with activity. Groups of people walked briskly from place to place. Being a Friday night, which Jack had totally forgotten, businesses in Gotham were booming.

Jack kept his head down as he went, avoiding eye contact with anyone. He chose to take a side street and get out of that mess. Weekends were never a good time to go for a night run.

Leaving the busy side of town, he entered a quiet street with little traffic or nightlife. The few people that were out were usually homeless or like Jack and just wanted to go outside for a bit.

As he passed an alleyway, an older man jumped out in front of him. Jack flinched, a little startled. The man wore a blue beanie, a tattered heavy jacket, and jeans nearly torn to shreds. He pawed at Jack’s arm desperately.

“Can you spare me a few bucks, son?” The man asked.

Jack felt horrible. If had any money with him, he would have given him some.

“Sorry man, I don’t have any cash on me.”

“Oh. That’s alright. Sorry I bothered ya.”

The man turned away and walked back to his spot in the alleyway. Jack saw his ‘homeless veteran’ sign laying next to the pile of blankets he was sitting on and felt even worse. Maybe he would see him again when he had some money.

The further through the city Jack went, the worse things got. The streets were trashed and dimly lit. He passed another alleyway and caught a glimpse of a man shoved against the wall being mugged. The man looked utterly terrified. Jack quickened his pace and chose not to get involved. The mugger looked like he might have a gun.

Jack finally stopped at an intersection and looked out at the rest of the dismal city. He figured out pretty fast that this run was not going to benefit his already fragile state.

It isn’t any better out here than it is inside. He thought with a sigh.

He made a mental note to never go this way on his runs again. Instead of turning around, he took another route home and ran with a quicker pace so he could get home faster. He slowed down as he got closer to his building and paused to catch his breath.

Jack trudged up the stairs back to his apartment, defeated. He didn’t know what to do. Nothing was helping him feel any better. He tossed his keys carelessly on the counter as he entered, flipping on the dim kitchen light.

He grabbed his journal off the shelf and sat down at the table, opening to a new page. He sketched the homeless old man he encountered and the mugging he witnessed in pen to make it look more rugged. Above the drawings he wrote down his stirred up thoughts about the whole situation. After the brain dump, he sat back and read over his work, shaking his head at himself.

Here he thought all of these problems he was having would somehow disappear. It seemed utterly hopeless now that he saw the state of the rest of the world. Wars, increased violence, poverty…

He would have to tough it out just a little longer and hope things miraculously got better. It wasn’t looking likely. How could he ever expect to recover from the horrors in a world that was so dark and cruel?

Jack closed his journal and stood up with a grunt, placing it back on the shelf. He moved into the living room, took off his flannel, and kicked off his shoes, throwing them on the floor. He sat down on the couch and turned on the TV to yet again pass the time, skipping through the channels.

The evening news popped up. They were talking about the fighting in the Middle East. Jack wanted to turn it off so bad but something made him keep it on. The images on the screen nearly jumped out at him. He was there in the hot sandy desert reliving it all over again. Witnessing death and destruction.

The media made the soldiers seem like such heroes and patriots. Jack didn’t feel like that at all. He thought back to that little girl in the village where they had the firefight. He may not have done anything directly but he was there. He contributed.

New outlets and political campaigns glorified war. If they had actually experienced it themselves right in the thick of it, they wouldn’t be doing that.

Jack felt his blood boil, a deep hatred and rage brewing inside him. He threw the remote across the room as hard as he could. It struck the wall and cracked the plastic, breaking it into several pieces. The anger melted away. Destroying that remote was weirdly satisfying to watch.

But then the satisfaction faded and he came to his senses. Why did he just do that? Did that help anything? No.

He sighed, disappointed in himself, and got up to shut the TV off. He turned back to the batteries and scattered bits of plastic on the floor, embarrassed at how immature he just acted. Hastily he swept up the mess and threw it away so he didn’t have to look at it anymore.

There was nothing left to do now but go to bed and get some rest. Jack knew that was nearly impossible these days. Still, he had to at least try.

So Jack walked into his bedroom and stripped off into just his boxers. He crawled into bed, nestled under the covers, and turned off the lamp on the nightstand beside him, closing his eyes and beginning to drift off.

Heh. I’m gonna need a new remote.

#ledger joker #jack napier #heath ledger #the dark knight #nolanverse #cross posted on ao3 #my writing

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mariacallous · 9 months ago

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Last February, as the sound of automatic weapons erupted in the early hours before dawn, Amina Museni hurriedly packed a bag while her husband, Joseph, shook their three children awake. They were joining a group of neighbors fleeing their hamlet as the front line between the Congolese army and rebels of the March 23 Movement, or M23, crept closer. For days afterward, they walked across the hilly landscape of Masisi, in eastern Democratic Republic of the Congo, before reaching one of the camps that have sprung up around Goma, the capital of North Kivu province. There, they pitched their tent, a young family of five among more than a million people displaced by the resurgence of a conflict that has ravaged Congo for nearly three decades.

When Foreign Policy visited the camp last July, Museni sat amid an undulating sea of white tarpaulins stretched over eucalyptus sticks. “When I was little, I lived in a tent with my parents,” Museni said, her youngest child, Nestor, cradled into her neck. “Now my children have to endure the same. It feels like a curse.”

Why Congo has been in a perennial state of upheaval since the mid-1990s has been the subject of much debate, but no other narrative has cut through as much as that of so-called conflict minerals. In the 2000s, the link between markets’ demand for minerals and the war in Congo helped bring attention to the conflict in an unprecedented way. Western organizations such as the Enough Project and Global Witness mobilized around the seductive proposition that the solution to one of the world’s deadliest conflicts was within the grasp of consumers and policymakers, triggering a series of laws and regulations beginning with, in the United States in 2010, Section 1502 of the Dodd-Frank Act. The logic behind the legislation was simple. “Armed groups finance themselves through the exploitation of cassiterite, gold, coltan,” Fidel Bafilemba, a Congolese researcher who used to work for the Enough Project, told me at the time. “By stopping the export of these conflict minerals, we dry up their resources and lessen the violence.”

Section 1502 required companies to conduct due diligence checks on their supply chain to disclose their use of minerals originating from Congo and neighboring countries and to determine whether those minerals may have benefited armed groups. The legislation didn’t outright ban the sourcing of minerals from mines contributing to conflict financing but instead intended “this transparency and its attendant reputational risk” to pressure companies to stop buying them voluntarily, according to Toby Whitney, one of the authors of Section 1502.

What followed is an important lesson for a world rushing to secure critical minerals for the energy transition. Western advocacy led to policies focused on derisking supply chains and virtue signaling to consumers, rather than improving artisanal miners’ living conditions or addressing the conflict’s root causes. That narrative continues today: An Apple store in Berlin was vandalized last week by Fridays for Future activists accusing the tech giant of sourcing so-called conflict minerals from Congo.

ITSCI, the region’s leading private traceability scheme, is facing criticism about the validity of its work—and that it has not improved the lives of artisanal miners in the region. ITSCI stresses its limited mandate and that it is working as intended. But in a cruel twist, the cost of the due diligence program has been shouldered by Congolese miners themselves, effectively asking the world’s poorest workers to pay for the right to sell their own resources to Western companies.

This week, industry leaders and activists gathering at the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) in Paris for the annual Forum on Responsible Mineral Supply Chains will need to reassess their approach. “We welcomed Dodd-Frank,” said Alexis Muhima, a Congolese researcher, during a meeting in a cramped office in Goma. “But what it did is outsource complex issues to the private sector, and we’ve been paying for it ever since.”

“The Americans didn’t think this through.”

There was a time in the 1970s when the quarries of Nyabibwe, a mining town in South Kivu province, were run with enough capital to employ 500 workers and to invest in semi-industrial machinery. Every month, the French company in charge shipped 20 metric tons of cassiterite ore—a component of tin—back to Europe for cans, wires, and solder. Safari Kulimuchi was a worker at the mines, starting at age 17, who quickly rose through the ranks to become a manager. “It was an exciting time. … Things seemed to be working out,” Kulimuchi recalled to Foreign Policy over dinner in Nyabibwe. But, he said, “it didn’t last.”

In the years that followed, Kulimuchi witnessed the economic unraveling of Congo (then Zaire), rotten under decades of rule by dictator Mobutu Sese Seko, who presided over the country from 1965 to 1997. Amid a global economic downturn in the mid-1980s, the French company departed, abandoning its workers to fend for themselves. “Overnight, we had no wages, no tools, no structure,” Kulimuchi said. “We used to have a stone crusher. Now we had to crush rocks with a hammer.”

Nyabibwe was far from an exception. Across the country, as investment dried up and the state abdicated its responsibilities, people resorted to making ends meet any way they could. An informal economy based on débrouillardise, or resourcefulness, sprouted in the ruins of Mobutu’s derelict regime. That informal economy is estimated to account for more than 80 percent of Congolese economic activity today. Nyabibwe grew into a town as people came from far and wide to work in the mines. They replaced the industrial machinery with picks and shovels, a low-capital, labor-intensive extraction called artisanal mining, as opposed to industrial mining. “Artisanal mining is the heart of our economy. It’s the reason Nyabibwe became this big center,” Kulimuchi said. The World Bank estimated in 2008 that up to 16 percent of the Congolese population depended on the sector. “For us, it’s a lifeline,” Kulimuchi added.

Mobutu was finally ousted in 1997 by a coalition helmed by the Rwandan Patriotic Front (RPF), a rebel army led by Paul Kagame. Kagame had just seized power in Rwanda in the aftermath of the genocide there and was intent on chasing after Hutus responsible for the massacres, many of whom had crossed into Zaire. What became the First Congo War brought Laurent-Désiré Kabila, a Congolese rebel, to power.

Kabila’s allies in the RPF quickly turned into foes when they refused to relinquish control over an area where instability threatened their security and interests. The Second Congo War began in 1998 with the creation of the RCD, a Tutsi-led, Rwandan-backed armed group that quickly gained control of a large swath of eastern Congo. The rebels began shipping cargo loads of coltan and cassiterite ores out of mines such as Nyabibwe’s into Rwanda just as the price of coltan, a key component of capacitors used in mobile phones and most electronic devices, soared with the demand for electronic goods at the turn of the century. A 2001 United Nations report estimated that Rwanda made at least $250 million during a temporary spike in prices in late 1999 and 2000. A popular formulation in Western campaigns at the time linked the violence in Congo to “blood phones.”

Many experts have criticized the advocacy of the 2000s for sometimes going so far as to suggest that conflict minerals were the root cause of the violence, painting armed actors as merely bloodthirsty, greedy militias—instead of considering real, historical grievances. The Enough Project campaigns, leaning hard on celebrities such as Robin Wright and Ryan Gosling to spread the group’s message, obfuscated the nuances of the conflict and the vital place of artisanal mining in the local economy. “The ‘conflict minerals’ label was problematic,” said Sophia Pickles, a former Global Witness campaigner and U.N. investigator. “This isn’t just about Congo—it’s a global issue.”

The campaigns succeeded in putting the issue on U.S. legislators’ agenda, but Section 1502 of the Dodd-Frank Act was both too specific—singling out the so-called 3T minerals (tin for cassiterite, tantalum for coltan, and tungsten) in eastern Congo—and extremely vague on execution. It deferred the drafting of rules to the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), leaving companies with no clear guidelines to report on their supply chain.

The law created a panicked scramble in the industry, said William Millman, a former technical director at Kyocera AVX, a leading manufacturer of electronic components and major coltan buyer. “Everybody was ignorant about the specifics. We just relied on our smelters.” Unlike an oil company directly operating its wells or a sneaker company outsourcing production to a sweatshop in Asia, electronics companies have virtually no way of knowing where the minerals in their products come from upstream of the smelters or refiners that have turned them into smooth metal—unless the smelters themselves know. “I visited all my suppliers to gather information. They knew very little because it was all largely bought on the spot market with international brokers,” Millman said. As a result of Section 1502, companies liable to fall under the SEC rule demanded that their suppliers simply stop buying from eastern Congo.

The result? A de facto embargo dropped like a bomb on the mining communities of North and South Kivu, just as the region was emerging from its latest cycle of violence. Nyabibwe had navigated two major wars mostly unscathed, but when I visited in June 2012, the town was in the midst of an existential crisis. Businesses dependent on the cash flow generated by the mines were closing down one by one, unable to sell stockpiles of rubber boots and shovels, blacksmithing services, or simply food. Tellingly, the local nightclub had shut its doors. More concerning were thousands of families’ insufficient funds to access health care, forcing women to give birth at home. One study found that the boycott increased the probability of infant mortality in affected mining communities by at least 143 percent.

Kulimuchi, who was then 54, was still managing a small team of undeterred miners. “The Americans didn’t think this through,” he said. His team had three metric tons of ore stored in a warehouse in Bukavu, South Kivu’s capital, waiting to be bought and shipped. “School is about to start again. Where are we going to find the money to send our children?”

Though U.S. lawmakers had struck out on their own with Section 1502, industrywide talks to create guidelines for the responsible sourcing of minerals in high-risk areas globally were already underway at the OECD. The OECD guidelines, adopted later in 2010, ended up becoming the foundation for the SEC rules, released in 2012. “The choke point in the supply chain is the smelters—everything has to go through them, and there aren’t many smelters in the world,” Millman said. “The OECD came up with a standardized protocol to audit and certify the smelters on an annual basis to know that they have control and knowledge of their supply chain.”

According to Millman, a handful of downstream companies seemed genuinely interested in doing things right and getting involved at the mine level. In 2011, together with Motorola and the Washington-based NGO Resolve, what was then AVX launched Solutions for Hope, a pilot project in Congo’s Katanga (now Tanganyika) province, where there was no conflict. They created a closed-pipe supply chain, sourcing from artisanal mines through a company that sold directly to a Chinese smelter and then onward to AVX, which manufactured components for Motorola and Hewlett-Packard.

Solutions for Hope also decided to hire the services of ITSCI. Its “bag and tag” traceability scheme set up by the International Tin Association (ITA) promised to trace minerals from the mine and guarantee their origin to buyers through a paper trail associated with sealed tags affixed on bags. According to Millman, Solutions for Hope was successful largely because its integrated supply chain bypassed traders and brought end-user companies closer to the miners. Replicating it would take time and effort. But, Millman said, “what other companies who had sat back saw was that, suddenly, with ITSCI there was a way for their CEOs and CFOs to sign off on their SEC statements. … And so everyone piled in, and it became the easy option.” ITSCI’s first project in eastern Congo was implemented in October 2012 in Nyabibwe.

“Do you think these people stopped working?”

Ten years on from when we first met, Kulimuchi came down from the mountainside where he had been working with his son on a sunny day last July, his broad smile still intact. The mining site hadn’t changed much either. Around us, men wearing flip-flops were using the same basic tools to split the earth open, with no protective equipment.

Initially, Kulimuchi recalled, the artisanal miners had been relieved when a large delegation showed up to officially launch the traceability scheme. “It meant we could finally start selling again. All my financial worries would be a thing of the past,” Kulimuchi said he thought at the time.

Instead, an elaborate public-private bureaucracy emerged, driven in part by regional governments intent on bringing the artisanal mining sector under control but quickly superimposed by foreign private sector initiatives like ITSCI, responding to market demand for paperwork required by end-user companies to file their reports to the SEC.

“We started selling again, but it’s a cacophony. There is a ton of admin, taxes after taxes, and prices have gone down. We have been weakened by all this,” Kulimuchi said.

As the de facto embargo on eastern Congo’s minerals lifted, by 2012 thousands of small sites across the region found themselves effectively outlawed by a new mine site validation process. To be able to sell, Congolese mining sites must now be inspected by a delegation of government representatives, NGOs, and U.N. agencies. At sites given the go-ahead from that audit, the Congolese artisanal mining agency carries out its own checks while also tagging and recording the minerals in logbooks for ITSCI. There are other records kept by the provincial government’s Mining Division and a regional body. Many sites are still waiting for an audit. For those that don’t conform, the consequences are devastating: “You are destroying the livelihood of hundreds or thousands of people,” said Maxie Muwonge, who was a program manager for the International Organization for Migration between 2013 and 2018 when it was tasked with coordinating the validation process. “This excludes entire communities. What are they meant to do? Do you think these people stopped working?”

In fact, even under the de facto embargo, the minerals trade never really stopped. It just went further underground. Rwanda’s export statistics, which experts say don’t match its reserves, suggest that smuggling to neighboring countries spiked during the period. While the volume of trafficked minerals has fallen with the reopening of the legal market in eastern Congo, smuggling is still an issue, not least because of the market distortion caused by heavy regulation and taxation in Congo of small businesses. “Many collapsed because they couldn’t meet the requirements, and the investment in the sector decreased. It broke down artisanal miners even further,” Muwonge said.

Joyeux Mumpenzi followed in his mother’s footsteps when he decided to become a négociant, an intermediary who buys minerals from the creuseurs, or diggers, and transports them to export companies in large cities—a reflection of the highly organized division of labor in the artisanal sector. “To begin with, we have no say regarding the going price—the London Metal Exchange sets it, and it fluctuates constantly,” he said. “Then there are all the taxes, and finally, the export company retains a penalty on my payment for ITSCI.”

Today, 99 percent of ITSCI’s revenue comes from the levies it collects from upstream actors based on the volumes of minerals tagged and exported, ITSCI program manager Mickaël Daudin said in an interview. The organization says artisanal miners are not supposed to pay for the scheme. But the cost, or at least a percentage of it, is passed down the supply chain to the négociants and ultimately to the miners. “I have no choice” in doing so, Mumpenzi said. “I end up earning little more than they do, and I take huge financial risks.” The 33-year-old trader says he earns about $300 a month, while an artisanal miner’s household makes $200 on average.

ITSCI, which operates in both Congo and Rwanda, applies differentiated levies to businesses in the two countries. Daudin said that’s because “the cost of implementation … remains much higher” in Congo than in Rwanda but declined to disclose the levies’ rates; a Congolese government official called it a “conflict tax.” The rate discrepancy effectively encourages trafficking to Rwanda for Congolese mining operators keen to increase their margins.

A report published in 2022 by Global Witness cited “[s]ome industry sources” alleging that ITSCI was in fact set up to facilitate the laundering of Congolese minerals smuggled into Rwanda. Foreign Policy hasn’t been able to confirm the claim, but the tagging system that ITSCI created does offer the perfect cover for smuggling, in Rwanda or Congo. The integrity of the scheme relies entirely on the integrity of the people implementing it; the tags themselves offer no guarantee. In a statement released in response to the report, ITSCI wrote that it “strongly rejects all Global Witness’ stated or implied allegations of wrongdoing, facilitating deliberate misuse of ITSCI systems or illegal activity.” If ITSCI had aimed to maximize smuggling into Rwanda as alleged, a spokesperson wrote to Foreign Policy in an email, “ITSCI would not have launched in Katanga in 2011 nor in any other adjoining locations at other times. During 15 years of implementation, ITSCI has continued to expand the programme in [Congo], now supporting more than 1,500 sites across 8 Provinces.”

The Global Witness report also documented how the system can be breached without ITSCI’s cooperation. For starters, the tagging is not performed by ITSCI but by Congolese government agents who earn less than the miners themselves and sometimes go for months without pay at all. From bribing agents to trading in tags, the number of ways to circumvent the system is almost limitless—as Mumpenzi demonstrated to Foreign Policy. The négociant stood up from the sofa in his living room and walked to a corner where sturdy white plastic bags had been stacked. “See the tags? The bags were sealed by an agent before I picked them up yesterday,” he said. “The mineral sand now has to be washed, so when I’ll bring the bags to the washing station, the tags will be removed. When minerals are washed, the weight goes down, so this is a perfect time to smuggle in minerals before a new tag goes on. As long as the bag weighs less than it did initially, no one will say anything.”

ITSCI doesn’t rebuke such allegations categorically. The organization says it was aware of many of the incidents documented by Global Witness and had already addressed them. “The program isn’t perfect. There are issues, and there always will be,” Daudin told Foreign Policy. “But from my point of view, it wasn’t better before.”

Kulimuchi and other artisanal miners might beg to differ. Rather than improving their living conditions, the “increasing regulation of the artisanal mining sector and responsible sourcing efforts, have rather had a negative overall effect on the socio-economic position of artisanal miners,” analysts at the International Peace Information Service (IPIS), a leading minerals research institute, wrote in 2019. Guillaume de Brier, a researcher at IPIS, told me that “working in an ITSCI or a non-ITSCI site doesn’t change anything. Conditions are dismal in both cases. There’s no difference in terms of child labor, and miners don’t earn more.”

When asked by Foreign Policy about this criticism, an ITSCI spokesperson stressed the organization’s limited mandate as a traceability and due diligence not-for-profit initiative. “It does not function as a certification mechanism,” the spokesperson wrote, and the organization’s focus “does not extend to working conditions.”

However, evidence suggests that responsible sourcing efforts have failed to shift conflict dynamics. A 2022 report by the U.S. Government Accountability Office (GAO), part of its mandate to evaluate the impact of Section 1502, was titled “Conflict Minerals: Overall Peace and Security in Eastern Democratic Republic of the Congo Has Not Improved Since 2014.” Violence has instead risen, remaining “relatively constant from 2014 through 2016 but steadily [increasing] from 2017 through 2021,” GAO wrote.

Arguably, some measure of progress has been achieved at the 3T mining sites targeted by Dodd-Frank, where the presence of armed groups has decreased. But while ITSCI claims to have played a role, de Brier says the scheme merely implanted in sites where the situation was already better. Overall, this demilitarization has largely been the result of Congolese policies and the evolution of conflict dynamics themselves: The defeat of the M23 rebellion in 2013 (the armed group changed names multiple times as it successively integrated into and rebelled against the national army) led to the dismantling of one of the country’s most predatory mafia networks. Today, for instance, Bisie, once an iconic mining site under the control of Bosco “The Terminator” Ntaganda, is operated by the Canadian company Alphamin. (Ntaganda is serving a 30-year prison sentence in Belgium following his conviction by the International Criminal Court for war crimes and crimes against humanity.)

Now though, with the resurgence of the M23 rebellion since November 2021—which has displaced Museni, her family, and more than 2.5 million others—even that small measure of progress is under threat.

“This is how the armed groups are paid.”

Belgian colonial administration profoundly altered the Congolese relationship with the land, introducing private ownership and displacing people for commercial exploitation. Since independence, who has the right to own land—and by extension its resources—has remained an unresolved existential question. “The main resource driving conflict isn’t coltan,” said Onesphore Sematumba, an analyst at the International Crisis Group. “It is the land. It’s material ownership, of course, but also who has a legitimate right to be here.”

In the borderlands of eastern Congo, these questions have been exacerbated by intertwined histories with neighboring countries. Hutus and Tutsis, who arrived from Rwanda in successive waves throughout the 20th century—first brought by Belgian colonialists to work on plantations in the territories of Rutshuru and Masisi—have struggled to find acceptance and secure land rights. Rwanda, meanwhile, a small, densely populated country with little resources of its own, largely depends on economic ties and access to Congo’s resources. These two dynamics have helped create the vicious circle of the last three decades. Backed by Rwanda, the RCD rebellion and its successors claiming to fight for Tutsis’ rights have helped entrench tensions along ethnic lines while facilitating land grab by a small elite.

“Indigenous communities in Masisi were dispossessed of their land during the war,” said Janvier Murairi, a Congolese researcher. “Today’s farm and mine owners are people who had links to the RCD. Everything from Mushaki to Masisi town belongs to hardly more than 10 people.”

One such owner was Edouard Mwangachuchu, an aspiring Tutsi politician and a member of the RCD’s political branch, who was awarded a concession covering seven mines in Rubaya by the rebel administration in 2001. Two years later, the Sun City Agreement, a peace deal negotiated between rebel factions with little regard for social justice or community grievances, endorsed Mwangachuchu’s ownership over the mining sites as a prize of war for the RCD, granting his company, MHI (now SMB), control over what have become the most productive sites at Congo’s largest coltan mine. Today, Rubaya accounts for about 15 percent of global coltan production.

Rubaya is emblematic of the way ITSCI, and more broadly due diligence as it is practiced today, treats “conflictual issues, such as concessions and land ownership, … as a black box,” Christoph N. Vogel writes in his 2022 book, Conflict Minerals Inc., turning a blind eye to political issues around social justice and equity, even as those are drivers of the violence it means to help prevent.

In Rubaya, Mwangachuchu’s plan to turn the quarries into an industrial mine spurred a backlash from local communities. “The artisanal miners didn’t accept that this family [the Mwangachuchus] who had come into the possession of the mines through the conflict could take away their livelihood,” Murairi said. The government mediated a deal: The miners were allowed to continue mining SMB sites but had to sell exclusively to the company.

ITSCI began operating in Rubaya in 2014, tagging minerals from both SMB and peripheral sites belonging to a state-owned mining company, SAKIMA. But the situation unraveled as the scheme was embroiled in a tit-for-tat commercial war in the years that followed.

Suspecting that ITSCI’s tags were being used to launder the sale of its minerals to a rival trading company, SMB eventually turned to ITSCI’s main competitor in the tag-and-bag business, Better Mining. The move should have represented a major financial blow to ITSCI, the loss of roughly half its revenues for Congo. Instead, as production at the SAKIMA sites kept growing while SMB’s dwindled, ITSCI’s business was preserved. According to an internal U.N. report provided to Foreign Policy, “Only about seventeen percent of the production that officially originates from the SAKIMA concession has in fact been mined there.” The report noted that “[s]uch discrepancy between official data and reality is only conceivable if a structured mechanism of fraud is established.”

Daudin, the ITSCI program manager, responded that ITSCI is “confident about its data.” He argued that the production increase was due to the higher level of investment going to SAKIMA sites when local miners turned away from SMB.

The M23’s resurgence dealt the last blow to Mwangachuchu, who was arrested in March 2023 and charged with treason after weapons were allegedly found on the grounds of his company’s facilities in Rubaya. According to the prosecutor, Mwangachuchu intended to support the M23 rebellion. The government has since revoked SMB’s mining permits. Few people in North Kivu will feel sorry for Mwangachuchu, “but one of the protagonists was pushed out in favor of the other, and that never works,” said Achile Kitsa, a former private secretary to the provincial mines minister.

The Congolese army took full control of Rubaya last spring, leaving the former SMB concession at the mercy of local armed groups it used as proxies on the front line against the M23. “This is how the armed groups are paid,” said a Congolese researcher who spoke on condition of anonymity. ITSCI resumed its operations in June, tagging minerals from the SAKIMA perimeter up until November, when the road was cut off by the fighting, according to Daudin. “We relaunched our activities after evaluating each site with the government services,” he said in July. “There are no nonstate armed groups in our sites.”

In a December report, the U.N. Group of Experts on Congo contradicted Daudin, establishing that between June and November, the “production from [the former SMB] sites was either smuggled to Rwanda or laundered into the official supply chain using [ITSCI] tags for minerals produced in [the SAKIMA concession], where mining activities were still authorized.”

“ITSCI recognizes that there have been, and remain, ongoing risks regarding fraud and presence of both non-state and state armed groups in the area of Masisi territory, North Kivu,” the ITSCI spokesperson wrote. “These risks are regularly reported through ITSCI’s OECD-aligned systems.”

Muhima, the Congolese researcher, sees the possibility of tainted minerals in the ITSCI supply chain as inevitable, given its built-in conflict of interest. “Their income depends on the volume they export. They cannot stop tagging minerals, or their business will collapse.”

“We don’t need another scheme.”

Congolese activists were not pleased with the Global Witness report exposing the shortcomings of ITSCI when it was published in 2022. They felt that the research mostly rehashed criticisms and evidence that they had presented for many years without being listened to and that the report failed to draw the necessary conclusions, ending with tepid recommendations to reform ITSCI or consider options to replace it with another independent scheme. “We don’t need another scheme,” Murairi said. “We don’t need more foreigners who think Congolese can’t do anything.”

Global Witness’s cautiousness should perhaps not come as a surprise. The activist organization played no small part in paving the way for today’s conundrum, and the risk of triggering another de facto embargo on Congolese minerals hangs heavy. “We’ve learnt some very difficult lessons, and as an activist, I’m not the one who bore the consequences of bad policymaking,” said Pickles, the former Global Witness campaigner.

When I pressed Daudin last July about ITSCI’s resumption of its activities in Rubaya, even as armed groups were swarming the mining area, he dodged: “If we don’t start tagging again, mining communities will be the first ones to suffer from not being able to carry on their activities.”

ITSCI suffered a major setback in October 2022, when the Responsible Minerals Initiative (RMI), a member association of more than 400 of the world’s largest corporations, announced that it was taking the scheme off its list of recognized upstream due diligence mechanisms. ITSCI had failed to submit an independent assessment of its alignment with the OECD guidelines in time. When the organization eventually released an independent audit in June 2023, it failed to assess ITSCI’s activities in Congo, focusing solely on coltan production in Rwanda. The RMI has offered to pay for three site visits in Congo, including in Rubaya, but ITSCI has so far not agreed. (“Site visits outside alignment assessments are not explicitly required,” said the ITSCI spokesperson, who noted the terms of such a visit are nonetheless under negotiation with RMI.)

“They are holding everyone hostage,” an industry insider close to the RMI process told Foreign Policy. “There is so much pressure on the RMI to capitulate and say we need this system. But this isn’t a technical issue.” To many experts and industry insiders, the resurgence of the M23 conflict has at least had the benefit of clarifying the situation. “The system cannot withstand what it was built for. It can’t withstand the conflict. We are back to square one.”

Breaking ITSCI’s quasi-monopoly is often presented as the solution in minerals circles, but SMB’s switch to Better Mining solved none of the problems in Rubaya and only created more confusion. Better Mining’s for-profit business model and its reliance on technology make it hard to scale and mean it is explicitly designed for larger companies with capital, not artisanal miners. “The problem with all these initiatives is that no one is there to control them,” said de Brier, the IPIS researcher.

Who is supposed to exert this control is part of the problem. Much like the fragmented nature of the supply chain, the nebulous ecosystem of public and private actors involved in responsible sourcing means that responsibility befalls no one in particular. In a July 2023 report, the GAO noted that the number of companies filing conflict minerals disclosures to the SEC had been steadily declining year-on-year since 2014, in part because “companies perceive that they are unlikely to face enforcement action by the SEC if they do not comply.”

Pickles noted that, unlike Dodd-Frank, the European Union’s own conflict minerals regulation, which came into force in 2021, avoided the trap of focusing only on Congo but equally fell for industry schemes such as ITSCI. “I’ve spoken to the competent authorities of three member states, and they said that the reports they receive from companies don’t tell them anything. They don’t actually know what’s happening along the supply chain,” she said. “So where does that leave us?”

For Congolese, ending this hypocrisy is a necessary first step but requires trust and support on the part of international partners. “The Congolese government has its own traceability system. All the necessary documents are delivered by Congolese state agencies. They tell you where the minerals come from just as reliably as ITSCI’s tags, which is to say it’s not perfect but it’s no worse,” Muhima said. “The same state agents deliver these documents and implement ITSCI’s program—for free I might add, since ITSCI doesn’t pay for them. What needs to be improved urgently is their payment.”

These lessons are relevant beyond the specifics of the 3T supply chain. The attention around cobalt—the conflict mineral du jour thanks to its use in electric vehicle batteries—is a case in point. While there is no conflict in the area where cobalt is extracted, working conditions and child labor have been discussed in much the same way as conflict minerals were back in the 2000s: in decontextualized and sometimes inaccurate reports that fail to examine the complex ways in which minerals interact with people’s livelihoods. Instead, such reports paint artisanal mining as illegitimate, something to eliminate. They have been used to justify land grab by large mining companies whose supply chains are easily traceable for end-user companies.

“We haven’t learned from our experience with diamonds or 3T minerals. With cobalt, it’s as if those experiences never existed,” said Joanne Lebert, the executive director of IMPACT, a nonprofit organization working on natural resource governance. “Instead of supporting communities, we’re just monitoring. There is no connection in my view between a clean supply chain and governance and security outcomes. Maybe you take kids out of your supply chain, but they’ll go to agriculture, to domestic work. They’ll go to another mine. They’ll sneak in at night. Clean supply chain is about eliminating the risk and not necessarily about doing good. And it’s the doing good we have to get at.”

Following the same pattern, an EU law aimed at preventing products linked to deforestation from entering the European market is pushing coffee companies toward industrial producers able to generate the paperwork and sidelining small farmers from Ethiopia to Brazil. Private companies will always take the shortcut, while black markets, exploitation, and conflict feed on exclusion.

Whether Western consumers like it or not, artisanally mined minerals will continue to find their way into the supply chains that fuel the energy transition and consumer products. Investing in mining communities’ welfare, education, and businesses is indispensable.

Museni is still living in the refugee camp on the outskirts of Goma with her husband and young children. Surrounded, the provincial capital has been struggling to absorb and provide for the constant new waves of displaced families reaching the city as the M23 is inching closer.

Even as evidence of Rwanda’s support to the rebellion has been mounting, the country has still not been sanctioned. In February, the EU signed an agreement “to nurture sustainable and resilient value chains for critical raw materials” with the Rwandan government, calling the country “a major player on the world’s tantalum extraction.” Congolese President Félix Tshisekedi described the deal as a “provocation in very bad taste.”

In Nyabibwe, Kulimuchi took me on a final walk around the town, waving around at the myriad businesses and hard-working people in the streets. “No one here has a bank account, for example. We can’t save. We can’t build,” he said. “We don’t require much—a road to Bukavu, a little boost, you know. Then, we’ll take it from there.”

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