#I did not mean to make this kind of depressing
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heey!! how are you??? i was wondering how would the lads men dress up for halloween with mc? would they do a couple matching? and if so, what would they dress up to? kissessss from anonnie
... I really couldnt figure out what costume to put zayne in [sob] i did like. genere of costume rather than a specific costume
Zayne doesn't really see the point in dressing up. He'll do it for you, but that's about it. This means that your costumes will end up matching since you have total control over what he wears.
You decide to mess him, putting him in something that totally contradicts his calm and collected exterior. He doesn't say anything though - just smiles softly in all the pictures the two of you take and tries to make himself more comfortable in the costume you've given him.
Xavier wants to dress up but he's not sure what to do. The two of you would brainstorm together what to dress as, knowing that it'll definitely be a couples costume. You'd probably end up picking a couple from a game that the two of you recently played.
Xavier ends up suggesting some sort of royalty, asking if you'd like him to be your Knight. You happily agree, just telling him not to take out his real sword while the two of you enjoy your evening.
Rafayel wants to make a costume from scratch and definitely started early when he realised that October was around the corner. He ended up asking you what you wanted to do - the idea of it not being a couple's costume did not cross his mind - and found a way to work around it. He initially wanted to do something reminiscent of Lemuria, maybe sirens for the both of you or something of the like, but ended up getting kind of depressed over it.
You end up dressing up as characters from one of Talia's operas, a pair of lovers who don't really get that much stage time. The costumes are wonderfully elaborate and Talia was very impressed with the photos she received.
Sylus doesn't see the point in it but he does dress up for you. He's a little more teasing than Zayne is, especially if you decide to put him in something cute just for the fun of it. He still tries to assert his authority over you (teasingly, of course) but you just can't take him seriously.
You end up picking something where he gets the play a damsel in distress and you're the hero saving him. He asks if you're trying to say something about him and you ignore it in favour of pretending that everything that approaches the two of you will destroy his fragile constitution. He doesn't mind though - you look happy to be running around like this.
#love and deepspace x reader#l&ds x reader#zayne x reader#l&ds zayne x reader#lads zayne x reader#xavier x reader#l&ds xavier x reader#lads xavier x reader#rafayel x reader#l&ds rafayel x reader#lads rafayel x reader#sylus x reader#l&ds sylus x reader#lads sylus x reader
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Grian calls him back to the mountains. Not calling, really, just two little words covering the distance between them, but Scar can hear his voice all the same.
"I gotta come back." He says, distracted, words slipping out from his teeth like they hadn't quite realized their existence yet - the almost tangible bond in between them tugging him up the stairs with a speed his thoughts can't match.
His fingers still shake from the adrenaline, frozen in the phantom sensation of pulling back the string of his bow. There's a giggle stuck in the back of his throat.
A cheap move he'd called it - frustrated around the edges, self-deprecation staining the corner of his lips - but now all he can think about is the arc of Grian's fall, a parabola no mathematical formula will ever understand.
He gets there alone, sun high in the way it means it's burning, and Grian is waiting for him with two bright red blocks of TNT by his side.
"You deserve this." His hair sticks out in all directions, kinetic energy from the fall that had nowhere else to go, and Scar almost thinks himself back to the start of the session when time slowed down to the millisecond of destruction - a spark, a flame, that familiar hiss that always made your heart skip a beat in instinctive fear.
The wooden boards are shattered in an instant.
His "NO!" is loud, but the feelings behind it are half-assed, an emotional reciprocity to Grian's frazzled look he just simply can't bring himself to match. The truth is that he's pissed a little bit, but that damn giggle is still stuck to the wall of his trachea, threatening to escape with every little breath.
Grian shifts on his feet a little, idly nudging a pebble to fall into the newly formed hole with an echoing click. "That's how little that reputation board meant, I was in good favour Scar!"
It takes him a second to blink. "Wait, no you weren't! You were on 0 with a sad face!" It's easy to act outraged, and easier still to step closer to Grian - the darkness of the night closing in on them, clinging to the sharp angle of Grian's nose and twisting his face into a frown. "Okay well-"
Scar cuts him short, pressing, eager for a way to get back under his skin in a way that makes him whole. "Maybe we're even now!"The answer is instantaneous. "No. That's not how this works!" His words are laced with the hint of a laugh there, and Scar knows he's already almost won him over.
Grian takes a step closer - toying the line of reaching for Scar's coat, his narrowed eyes piercing him all the way to his heart. "You know I wouldn't be able to kill you anyways," He parrots, the white of his teeth gleaming in the light. "Where did that go, huh?"
The sheepish smile is impossible to swallow back. "Well you see it was- it was a lapse of judgment! Can you really blame a man for being a bit depressed none of his traps worked?"
Grian rolls his eyes. "You got two kills this session Scar, I don't think you're very deserving of my pity there. Skizz got none!"
"He could have if he'd pressed that lever faster than Jimmy."
An incredulous look is thrown his way. "And kill me and Mumbo? I don't know what kind of teammates you've got, but that's not how we do this." His face is scrunched up in annoyance, lips flattened in that particular way that always made Scar want to kiss them until they opened in the shape of his name.
But red had cradled his cheeks just not that long ago, and it seemed his neurons hadn't had time to settle back into being green, because self-restraint doesn't bind his limbs back under control when he succumbs to the impulsion of kissing Grian.
His first impression is that he tastes like smoke, with a heavy touch of explosion - the detonator to a bomb Scar can feel buried in his heart.
There's a surprised little noise in the microscopic space between their lips, before Grian kisses him back hard enough to bruise.
"You respawned in my bed again." Scar pants in between kisses, like it will explain anything. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't, but he's too busy burying his nails into Grian's waist to care much for it.
And then, because they don't have time, because it's day again and Scar's bow is still hanging up on his back, they pull away with one last touch that almost feels regretful.
Scar steps back, rolling on his heels a little before turning to where Grian's teammates are with a smile. "I'm glad we're even now, thank god!"
The speed at which Grian's face becomes infuriated again is so comical that Scar nearly trips on his descent. "That's not how it works!" It sounds like he's gritting his teeth, red bitten lips pursed yet again, but the angry tone is betrayed by the fondness hiding underneath.
The words fade away as Scar tumbles his way down to Mumbo and Skizz but Grian's laugh stays, a sharp and hypnotic sound dancing in the air.
-
(this session made me a little bit insane about them, so take this <3 Shoutout to my friend Sparrow who convinced me to post this on here <3 skkdjdskjks the potion do be anxious sometime 😔)
#wild life spoilers#my things#wild life smp#scarian#trafficshipping#I'm so sleepy please forgive any incoherencies T-T
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had some feelings to write out – for/about @tommyend, no pressure at all to respond
I started watching wrestling – specifically, AEW – in late October 2023. It’s been just over a year since I started watching, and I didn’t expect it to consume as much of my brain-space as it has. When I started watching, I didn’t really know who anyone was. I had heard a few names – Randy Orton, CM Punk, Jade Cargill, Roman Reigns – but had no real concept of the landscape I was entering or what it would mean to get invested.
Truthfully, it was a little overwhelming, and there was more I didn’t understand than I did. In those first few weeks, I received one very helpful piece of advice: don’t try to understand everything. Find a wrestler or two whose vibe you like and stick with them – the rest will click into place eventually, or it won’t, and either way is fine.
And so I did. I think it was around the lead-up to Full Gear 2023 that I started really paying attention. There was something about what House of Black was doing that was different from anything else I was seeing. I could understand just enough to recognise talented athletes when I saw them, but I wasn’t quite plugged in enough to the overall wrestling “ecosystem” that that was enough on its own to get my attention. Now that I understand more of what I’m looking at, it’s easier to understand what I’m meant to be impressed by – it’s easier now to have that moment of, holy shit, how did they do that?
But I didn’t understand yet. I’d been watching wrestling for about a month and was still finding my footing. What I saw, and latched onto, in House of Black was a group of four impressive performers that I could tell were in love with the art of what they were doing. Everything was done with intent – the way they entered the ring, the different but cohesive styles with which each member of the House wrestled, the gear they wore, the ever-evolving paint on Malakai’s face, the evolution and growth of Julia’s character.
It was both the moment that I finally, properly understood that professional wrestling was also theatre—and, I think, the moment that I was magnetised. It felt like a faction that was made for me: a band of storytellers who wanted to take my hand and show me what wrestling could be and was and is, and had the creativity and cohesiveness and physical talent to pull it off.
I could breathe a sigh of relief. I wasn’t lost anymore, desperately trying to catch up to understanding something that everyone around me already seemed to know. I had a guide of some sort, and one that resonated: I’ve been reading since I was 3, writing stories since I was 11, have always been a little “strange,” drawn to creative types and niche hobbies and other people that don’t have many friends. And here was someone who not only felt like me, sounded like me, but was wanted and loved and succeeding. A stranger to me, in the way that performers and public figures always are, but I felt like it was going to be okay. If Malakai could make it—though I didn’t and don’t know him personally, I had no way of knowing if he was ever afraid, or if he doubted himself—then maybe I could, too.
The more I watched and the more I learned, the more true that became. I’ve been depressed and anxious most of my adult life. I have scoliosis that is likely to get worse as I get older, and causes me pain multiple times a week, if not every day. Hearing someone whose work I admired be open about his mental health—especially when sports industries have typically not been kind to people, perhaps especially men, who are vulnerable in that way—and be honest when he’s in pain shook something loose in me that I hadn’t quite realised was stuck and frozen in shame. It’s okay that I’m afraid. It’s okay that I have days where my brain is trying to consume itself. It’s okay that I’m in pain. Did I get out of bed today? Have I been outside? Have I eaten? Have I done something to be kind to myself—or, failing that, kind to someone else? Have I done something creative today?
I started my “gender journey,” for lack of a better phrase, in 2018. There was a lot, a lot, of messing around with pronouns, labels. I didn’t know what I was, only that “just a girl” didn’t feel quite right anymore. And then I felt like I was lying, because, well—I was fine being a girl when I was ten, and thirteen, and sixteen, so why was it suddenly different at 25? Sometimes I still feel like I’m lying. The generation above me often still holds an image of trans people that requires them to have always been miserable, always been “pretending.” A few months ago my mother suggested it was fine if my idea of being feminine had expanded, but she didn’t really believe I was trans, because I’d never been unhappy as a girl child, and besides that I looked like a “clone” of the small handful of other transmasc and nonbinary people she’s met. I must be a pod person. (Newsflash, mom: This is just what queer people look like, a lot of the time. I cut and dyed my hair and got one singular tattoo. How terrible.)
She didn’t ask me how I feel when people call me she, or her—it makes me feel horribly small and unreal, by now—and in fairness to her, I didn’t quite defend myself either. I cringed and shrunk and asked for time to think about it, when what I wanted to say is yes, I know I haven’t had the history you expect to see from me, but this is who I am, and I’m not telling you that I was never a girl. I’m telling you that girl isn’t the place where I stop.
But I was scared, and I felt cornered, and I didn’t say any of that.
What I did have, though, was an artist and a performer and a storyteller who did things with his expression, his clothing, how he presented himself to the world that was like a lightbulb going on. The confidence of a man who told stories with the way that he looked, and who used feminine symbols to do it. He wasn’t any less masculine—but it was an embracing of both that cemented who he was, and I thought: holy shit. I can do that. Our identities are not the same, and I’m not too keen on speculating about the identities of public figures that I don’t know in any event—but it’s reassuring, motivating even, to be able to regularly see someone comfortably expressing his gender (because, yes, cis presentation is gender expression too) in a way that makes sense to him and incorporates the feminine and resonates through his art without doubt or reservation or compromise. This is who we are. Take it or leave it.
I don’t know what’s coming next for any of us. AEW looks like such a different place—in a good way—from when I started watching, and the world is looking pretty scary these days, but I’m still here. The art that got me interested in wrestling in the first place is still here, and I have my theories—unsubstantiated, so far—about where Malakai and House of Black are taking their story, but regardless of theories I’ve been so fortunate to watch them continue to grow and evolve over the past year. There’s a lot I don’t know, but I know the love for the story and the art is real.
I don’t know you personally, Malakai, and I don’t want to claim to, no matter how many scraps I’ve gathered together from interviews and how much of the backlog of matches I’ve done my best to watch so I can understand where you’ve come from and where you’re going next. But your work and your love for your craft has moved me, and I’m glad I stayed alive when it was hard so I could be around to see it when it mattered.
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hey so you’re the only person I can find who talked about Euclidean!reader and the original poster disappeared. Do you know anything else because the concept was soooo good but I js cannot find it anymore!
And Now There Just Two
Bill Cipher x Euclidean!GN!Reader
Aww! Thank you! This ask been sitting here for awhile and I do feel bad what happen to the original poster.
I hope I didn’t scare them off or anything 😭 But here some headcanons let me know if y’all want a part 2 out of this!
This brought a bit of comfort after everything that is going on. I hope everyone who’s been affected is safe and I wish everyone the best.💛
TW: Fluff, Angst. Toxic Relationships (Platonic and a bit romantic(?) you’ll see, Bill Cipher he’s a warning on his own. Cussing.
If they’re anything else please let me know so I can tag properly! Thank you!
GIVE IT UP FOR SEPARATION ANXIETY!
Yeah, from both sides but Bill is more secretive about it. He does not want you to be aware of him being vulnerable. But sometimes, he does come to search for you to merely sit in silence and exist.
It's comforting for him…
It doesn't matter how many times you ask why he does this he either avoids it or says that you're just thinking too deeply into it and you should be happy that he's giving you the time of day.
He's a very busy guy you know!
He can be turning someone's skin into sandpaper and their organs into rubber! But instead, he is with you. So be happy!
You two are the only ones left and Euclidea probably had their language. Most conversations are spoken in your mother tongue.
Lots of cultural aspects of Euclidea have been lost to time but there are some things you may still partake in. This is rare because it can get quite depressing for both of you. Bill won't recognize what you're doing at first but, when he does.
It's not pretty…
And we know how Bill copes with things so it's best if you give him some time alone. He will come back when ready and pretend that never happens.
I think anything that has to do with home is bittersweet to him and if this is under the notion that you are not aware of him being the reason that it is gone.
That is a whole new layer of issues to get into.
In this Au, I would like the idea of the reader discovering Ford before Bill and then becoming good friends with him. Promising him knowledge about the multiverses and different realms that exist. They have been alive just as long as Bill so they pick up a thing or two.
The reader and Ford's friendship is genuine. The reader gifts him many different types of moths to Ford, introducing them to anything earth-related.
Ford does well fall for the reader but they have no clue about it. They never allow themselves to experience a relationship or either too shy to enter one.
I mean, have you seen Bill's track record? That man is not a good partner at all! And if I wanted to add more salt to the wound.
Bill having feelings for the reader can be included in this but it would take him so long to want to pursue it because he associates the reader with Euclidea. He wants to leave that in the past but, we know he keeps his home close to his heart.
So when he's accepting his long-term feelings for the reader here's the reader and Ford slowly learning how to love themselves and each other—from late-night talks to the reader telling Ford what happened to their homeworld and why they want him to contact Stanly because you may never know when you're going to lose the people that you love.
And let's just say the reader was making good progress with Ford! Helping him interact with others and trying to get out of his comfort zone bit by bit.
Their relationship was sweet it was kind and gentle. Then Bill came in and ruined all of it.
The moment he did that it made the reader's perception of Bill change for the worst. The reader probably doesn't have a lot of friends outside of him and sticks close to him because of grief and familiarity. The reader most likely looks at Bill with rose-tinted glasses and tries to justify his actions in their head.
So when they meet Ford, they likely want to keep it private and separate from their other life.
So when Bill finds out about Ford and his intelligence, he swoops his right under the reader's nose with an excuse.
"ANY FRIEND OF YOURS IS A FRIEND OF MINE. PLUS I CAN'T HAVE SOME RANDO TAKE MY BEST FRIEND NOW, CAN'T I?"
This leads to them reader and Ford hanging out less and less to the point the reader feels like Ford forgot they exist. Ah, the angst and self-realization around this time for them was like watching a train wreck.
And we know how Bill and Ford's relationship turns out. Let's talk about the reader and fords around his paranoid era.
Ford probably thinks that they are with Bill and this whole taking over the world plan. So when the reader comes to check up on him after the whole O'Sadley incident.
The interaction that happened between them was heartbreaking. They got their answers on what happened between him and Bill and felt like it was their fault this even happening. The reader is desperate to try to fix it so they won't lose Ford but it is too late.
"I-I promise! I didn't mean for this to happen! Ford, please tell me what I need to do to fix this! To Fix us!" It's funny you were holding onto him as much as your little frame could. You gasp and whimper out promises hoping for some forgiveness. Ford can feel himself falter for a moment. He did miss you. He misses the moments you two had shared. He misses your laugh. You were so strange to him before, only to now become someone so comforting to him. Can he trust you again? No. No. No. No. No. No. No! Ford, are you stupid!? Trust them the same person who is friends with him! They probably plan this together! Get you to trust them again then the next thing you know the end of the world is here! And they made you look like an idiot in the process! Ford felt his jaw clench. Looking down at you hugging his chest, he thinks you look utterly ridiculous. You two must need him much if you resort to begging. Pathetic. "You know what I want you to do?" "Yes, please, anything!" You floated away looking at him with hope in your eye(s). Maybe the world not ending after all! "Get away from me and never come back.." and then, your world shatters.
When Bill found you after, you made hell look like a nice family vacation. You barely acknowledge him floating past him toward your room and gently shutting the door.
This type of pain was familiar to you. It felt like you lost your home and your family all over again.
What did you do wrong this time?
Did you not pay enough attention to him? Maybe you should've brought flowers or maybe you should held his hand more. He did like it when you two did that…
You felt like hours so many ifs, so many mistakes, so many should haves. Maybe it is best if you stay away from him. Maybe it was always the best if you stayed away from him. He can't get hurt if you weren't there to ruin his life anymore.
Yeah, that's what you did you ruined his life.
Bill tried cheering you up saying, that Fordsy hurt both of you and how you two should show him what is missing out. Like no one understood him as you two did. Then the camera pans over to the side to see the reader glaring at him like, "Are you serious?"
The urge to wrap their hands around Bill's non-existent neck was strong that day but, they surprised themselves by not doing it as soon as he entered the room.
When Ford fell through the portal and started his journey through the realms the moment the reader found out they were fast to start helping him behind the scenes. From secretly placed supplies to oddly convent weapons or aid whenever they saw he needed it.
When he found out, they bumped into each other in a random dimension. From their appearance alone he could tell they were going through some things. Bangs under their eye(s) and a hoodie that seems to fit their shapely body.
The colors on their body were so dim like life was suck of them. They floated close to the ground to appear smaller than they were. No direct eye contact either.
Ford can feel his finger twitch wanting to reach towards his laser gun. But with that look in their eye(s) he feels like he might not need it. But hey, it isn't bad to be safe right? "Look, I'm not here to cause any trouble. Just came to drop off this and I'll be on my way…" You snap your fingers and an oddly placed item fell in his hands. Wait this is.."How did you know I need this? And most importantly, aren't you supposed to be with Bill!?" He snarls. "One, it may not look like it but I have friends in weird places too you know, and Two no, we're not friends anymore. We never were friends.." He saw how your body color changed to red and your eye(s) seemed to try and imitate a frown. "He lied to me…He lied to me this whole time and I…I just..!" Breath In and Out Breath In…. And Breath Out… You relax the feeling in your hands and sigh. "I'm sorry. I didn't want you seeing me this way or at all, to be honest.." You made more space between you and Ford seeing him tense at your sudden outburst. By the stars! You already messed this up aren't you reader… "I know you have no reason to trust me and I get that! But we now have the same common enemy and I feel like we should work together.." Ford blink and you then blink again. Are you joking with him right now? "No." "Come on just listen to me-" "You think I'm going to listen to you after everything that happened? What do you want me to make a deal with you too so you can use my body as a puppet in your stage play?!" "No! For Fucks sake look at what he did to me!" With that said the hoodie disappears and reveals cracks. He can see them up and down your 'chest'. It reminds him of a cracked windshield one small tap and you just shatter right there. "You think after this and all the other shit he put me through that it was still sunshine and rainbows between us! I'll give you a award for being my wake-up call, Ford. He never cared about me and now I have the proof to show it." Ford saw how you tried to quickly collect yourself again. Hugging your form and rubbing your arms. Another deep breath in…and another one out. "Now how about I say this again? Since I have your attention now. Do you want to work together to kill Bill?"
#gravity falls x reader#gravity falls#euclidean!reader#bill cipher x reader#ford pines x reader#self insert#bill cipher#the book of bill#s/o#x reader#gf stanford#gf stanford x reader#Ford x reader#stanford pines x you#stanford pines x reader#bill ci the triangle guy#bill cipher x you#bill cipher x oc#monster x human#gf headcanons#gravity falls headcanons#x gn reader#gn reader
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Incorrect quotes because I'm worried about how many people are gonna lose their last life this session
Pearl: How do you do that? Tango: I'm fearless. Scott: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad. Tango: I'm mostly fearless.
Jimmy: Hi- Martyn: Leave before there's a terrible misunderstanding between my foot and your ass.
BigB: It’s not gonna work, I’m not a snitch. Cop: Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with. BigB: Lmao, @ Impulse.
Etho as a child: I can’t wait to grow up and have cool adventures! Etho now: I can’t wait to go to bed.
Scar: I don’t even use tubberware anymore. Skizz: What are you saying? Say it again. Scar: Tubberware. Skizz: Say it again. Slow. Scar: Tubberware. Skizz: Slow, very slow - actually, say the first syllable. Scar: Tub. Skizz: Wrong. Scar: What do you mean, wrong? Skizz: I thought I caught that. You’re saying tub. It’s P. Scar: What are you talking about? Skizz: Tupperware. Tupper. Scar: It’s tupper! Skizz: It’s tupper, always has been, always will be. Scar: I thought it was tubberware because it kind of looks like a tub.
Scott: Why are you doing this? Cleo: Same reason I do everything, Scott. To get somebody to like me.
Joel: Do you even know what an amulet is? Grian: Of course I do! I eat amulets sometimes. I like the ones with cheese and onions! Joel: Grian, those are omelettes. Grian: Oh. Then I’ve got nothing.
Pearl: Guys it’s a shooting star, let’s make a wish! Mumbo: I wish for good grades. Etho: Nerd. Mumbo: Nevermind, I wish upon the shooting star to fall down at a 30° velocity aiming for Etho. :) Pearl: Mumbo…
Martyn: *pulls back the curtain while Jimmy is showering* Martyn: Hey did we - stop screaming it’s me - did we run out of Cheerios?
Lizzie, about Joel: Can I tell them they look nice? Cleo: Sure. Lizzie: Can I tell them I respect them? Cleo: Maybe, if they ask. Lizzie: Should I show them an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our three cats and four dogs? Cleo: … Cleo: I’d save that for later.
Grian, sniffling: Calm down, I’m probably not sick. It might just be allergies. Jimmy: Okay, tell me this: are you like, really tired? Grian: I have depression, what do you think?
Pearl: I started school with straight A’s. Now I’m not even straight.
Bdubs: Wait, if baby oil dissolves condoms, what does it do to babies? Cleo: Believe it or not, babies and condoms are made of different materials. Gem: It’s like rock paper scissors. Baby oil defeats condom, baby defeats baby oil, condom defeats baby. BigB: Rock also defeats baby.
BigB: I dare you- Skizz: Scar is not allowed to accept dares anymore. BigB: Why not? Scar: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.
Scott: Don’t preach to me about romance, Joel. I had a three-way in a hot-air balloon.
Tango, to Lizzie: You know, BigB can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching. Tango: *blows airhorn at BigB* GET FUCKED!
Mumbo: What language do they speak at the center of the earth? Mumbo: Core-ean Joel: The center of the earth is arond 5430 degrees Celsius! Nobody is going to live there so they don’t need a language! Impulse: Core-ean.
*the Squad cleaning up* Etho: Pick up the nearest piece of trash and throw it away. Pearl, to Tango: Aight, which bin do you wanna go in—
Mumbo: You're ugly. BigB: Tone indicator? Mumbo: Oh I'm sorry! You're ugly. /srs
Tango: Cleo... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor? Cleo: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned. Tango: Tango: I wrote sanitize, Cleo.
Gem, to Impulse: Are you peanuts? Because I want to boil you alive.
Grian: May luck (and this picture of Scott eating shredded cheese at 3 in the morning) be with you.
Etho: You have Crayons? Grian: Yes, I have— Etho: You're— how old are you? Grian: YES I AM AN ADULT AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS.
#grian#gtws#bdouble0#ethoslab#inthelittlewood#smajor1995#jimmy solidarity#tangotek#smallishbeans#ldshadowlady#skizzleman#impulsesv#mumbo jumbo#bigbstatz#geminitay#pearlescentmoon#zombiecleo#renthedog#trafficblr#incorrect quotes#enjoy💜💜💜
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came back just to post these. okay bye
#gbf#belifaa#did you get triple zero (summon)? the sanfaa scissoring summon? SSS? i sierotixed it. It was awesome. Everythung in gbf is going right for#e except for the fact that i had to sieroticket it but its alright. just the notion of so much lucilius is just enough to put me back on my#feet again it’s almsot unreal how much lucilius-centric stuff theyve pushed out the past few months. his GBVSR debut. his summon.#Omg when I saw the gbfes fashion show i was a few seconds behind zen and she told me “You wont believe this” and I was like “WHAT? BELIEVE#WHAT? WHAT? WHAYT DO YOU MEAN” and the official lucilius cosplayer walked out in his robes it felt unreal unreal like it was seeing my onl#dreams come true after years and years of being like Theres no way they’d do that. There’s no way they’d make a cosplay for lucilius in his#robes because hes in his void outfit forever. BUT THEY DID…..AND THERE WAS BLOOD UNDER HIS SKIN….AND HIS LIPS WERE GLOSSED…AND HE HAD A LIT#LE BIT OF TAREME AND TSURIME (TARIME) ACTION ON HIS EYES AND EVERYTIME HE WALKED HIS ROBES KIND OF FLUTTERED AS HE SHUFFLED ALONG I HAD TO#SIT ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR lay down on the bathroom floor and I almpst puked from how nauseous it made me i was OVERJOYED BEYOND MY PHYSICAL#LIMITATIONS OF HAPPINESS . I WAS SO HAPPY. THIS YEAR HAS BEEN UTTERLY MISERABLE FOR ME AND I HAVE NOT BEEN THIS DEPRESSED SINCE HIGH SCHOOL#BUT SEEING LUCILIUS like this genuinely blew me off my socks . I don’t know if i should be 100% thankful because I’ve been trying to figure#out how to balance my emotional state with the media i consume but#I think i really needed it. thank you lucilius for ending my 2023
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Sharing catman's quality tags:
#i want to type my tjoughts on this ship - how it actuqlly makes sense and how Dante probably loathes Sloth for taking Hoenhiem from her and
#in some way she finds pleasure in the fact that Sloth now finds herself to be the same/similar inhuman monster Hoenheim thought Dante and#her son (envy) was#and abandonded them for
#the ironics of th3 situation. And Sloth probably sees Dante as a master#a boss she cant disobey - a boss she wouldnt disobey because she has no reason to do so. i think Sloth would think of her abuse as a comfort
#in the sense that like
#“im not a human - so this must be what i deserve and therefore ill allow myself to get treated like this by the only person who i can deem#trusthworthy“
#or something???
#im not very good at ship analysis#but i like this ship now#you gave me brain worms RAHH
Your analysis is solid! And you're welcome for the brainworms (it's my purpose, to spread them like a plague 😌). The way these two orbit each other's respective familial collapse, and an almost mutual-monstrosity (with Dante genuinely being the truly horrid of the two) is a biiiiig draw for this ship imo.
For me, there's more:
The manipulation begins as soon as she finds Sloth dragging her broken new body behind the home Trisha once called her own. The confusion and sheer physical agony that Sloth had to have been in; barely able to ambulate, unable to communicate or assess the situation, in the darkness of a rainy night, frighteningly alone, every moment is seering pain:
And in comes Dante.
The first human in her scant few hours of existence to look upon her without revulsion. She offers aid, shelter, and she knows who is responsible for making her this way. Dante can articulate the source of Sloth's waking horror, and that feels like as good of an approximation of emotional resonance as Sloth has ever experienced. She's a pit of depression but this knowledgeable woman takes her in! And Dante would readily grind the facts of Sloth's tragic mis-creation into the homunculus while coating it in the veneer of tender faux-sympathy. Both out of her own sick, hateful shadenfreude as well as further planting the seed of Sloth's rejection of Trisha's children. Not because Sloth would have otherwise embraced them had it not been for Dante, but rather I think the mess of jumbled, tattered memories that were imparted onto her from Ed and Al (or that came with Trisha's soul; really depends on interpretation here) would form the rich soil of her disposition; Dante merely cultivates into a thriving garden. Sloth senses that those children have severely and permanently rejected her, wanted something or someone of her, and almost as soon as she was made into being they abandoned her. So Dante preys on this.
I also see it as: Sloth's rescue and eventual reformation into a functional humanoid physiology would tender her towards Dante. And Dante's a sicko who will not pass up the opportunity (perhaps mere novelty) of toying with her. Each step of her recovery and that feigned kindness Dante provides comes with metaphoric jabs against Sloth. That she owes Dante everything, that she's becoming such a pretty thing but is still a lowly homunculus, do you remember the pathetic relationship the woman you can never be had? The children that woman raised? Did that man ever care about you when he would so easily leave you behind (Dante keeping to herself the smug sneer of "He was with me longer, but I didn't break apart when he left either). You're a fraud: but doesn't it feel good when she brushes Sloth's hair? Cups her nearly-formed cheek? Strokes her newly healed shoulders? Smiles at her while congratulating her on her progress with each feeding, all while commenting on how 'animal' she finds Sloth's desperate devouring of those red stones. Sloth intuits that this should be humiliating but she finds no urge to rebuke what feels like (warped) affection. It's a poison she will passively allow into herself if it means Dante will keep her under her wing.
As a character Dante feels like an abusive monster adept at pressure cooking people into the roles she wants from them. Sloth doesn't care for having a purpose generally, but pleasing Dante gives her something that fills the abyssal ennui. She crumbles under the weight of what should have been, what once was. And since Dante despises Trisha, it feels like it fits into Sloth's refusal of Trisha as well.
I see Dante almost keeping Sloth as a prize. A win against Hohenheim. And with Sloth's ever-acquiescent demeanour, with the way Sloth will allow whatever Dante feels like doing (in general, to her, at her, against her, 'for' her) while still showing the subtlest signs of sorrow when Dante pushes the homunculus' depressive buttons too hard (but Sloth will still bend to her will without question or rebuke, such a good plaything she is) how could she not find sick satisfaction in treasuring* Sloth?
(*Treasuring meant in the most objectifying sense of the word.)
And how that all eventually clashes with Lust's growing sense of self-possession and eventual rebellion? The odd 'bond' Sloth and Lust formed prior to that, and how Sloth views not only Lust's immutable spine, but how that insults Dante in Sloth's eyes? Ouuughh! 🤌
It's utterly fucked~
TOXIC. YURI.
#also thanks for the wonderful compliments on the art 😊#i got your ask re: mouthwashing#i haven't played it yet but i definitely plan on doing so!#i can't give your ask a quality response until i've played through it#but it's comin'!#dante#sloth#lust#fma 03#prev tag addition#addition#+my art+
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“one day im going to have to make like a three hour long video essay that's just called In Defense of Helluva Boss” Please do. I see more anti videos than I do with defense ones. Like the ones that say season 2 is terrible even though it’s barely completed and the ones that say Stolitz is a bad despite them barely having a relationship.
no literally i am sick of seeing more anti content than actual appreciation videos but the anti talking point i see most that drives me up the fucking walls is that it's "bAd RePrEsEnTaTiOn," as if that is all that queer people are allowed to have; just the vague nebulous concept of "Rep(TM)." the fact that if a straight character is a bad person then it's just that This Character is a bad person, but if a queer character is a bad person then This Is Bad Representation Of The Community And Is Homophobic. can we not just HAVE characters?? vehicles to tell a story??? tools to craft a compelling narrative??? this is part of why Helluva/Hazbin being adult shows is such a THING because i see this get shut down a lot under the guise of "uhh well just because it's an adult show doesn't mean that it can handle whatever topic it wants however it wants" and like. yeah buddy! that's true! and that's not what this is fucking about!! when people say "it's an adult show" what they mean is that it's made to be engaged with under the assumption that you would know better than to take information to shape your worldview and perception of other real life people from a fucking cartoon! the show doesn't NEED to tell you that Um Hey Guys Just So You Know This Isn't Actually Meant To Reflect How All Real Life Gay Relationships Are because you are an adult who should already be able to discern this.
"bad rep" doesn't mean "characters that are nuanced, morally gray, or just bad people." "bad rep" would be if helluva boss was a show that said "the REASON these characters are in toxic relationships / are bad people is BECAUSE they are queer, or at least directly correlated to that fact." which is. you know. very fucking different than "these characters are in toxic relationships / are bad people because they 1) live in a classist society that actively encourages them to be their worst selves and 2) are extremely traumatized."
#btw when i say toxic i DO mean stolitz but not in like. a 'this is romanticizing abuse !!!!1!!!!1!1!!' kind of way#which is. the second stupidest criticism of this show#like babe did you really watch blitz break down sobbing on his couch and see stolas drowning in his depression cereal and absinthe#and some how come to the conclusion that the lesson you are meant to take away from this is that This Is A Good Thing To Aspire To ??????#their dynamic IS toxic rn!! neither of them are communicating properly and neither of them are getting what they TRULY want#and the whole point of watching this situation (this shituation; if you will) play out#is to be entertained first of all BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY#because you are supposed to go Man This Relationship Status Sucks For Them Right Now I Sure Hope They Can Make It Better#you are supposed to recognize that it is Bad for them right now. because you are a fucking adult who should have a CRUMB of media literacy#god. sorry this is so long#video essay is gonna be four hours at this rate istfg#mine#ask#helluva boss#stolitz#analysis#long post#fandom
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genuinely it’s this kinda shit that makes me seriously question my existence as a film major, specifically one focused on screenwriting for television. like it’s such a disgustingly hostile environment for any creators and just seems like an industry that gets progressively harder and more painful to participate in. why am I even doing this if whatever I may end up putting my time and effort and soul into will probably end up spat on and tossed out (if it even miraculously gets picked up by one of the handful of big malicious streaming entities that control what is and isn’t produced and seen in the first place). it’s either 1) don’t make any money and be doomed to have a second job forever, or 2) be subject to the torment and humiliation of the streaming service empire for eternity. that’s the state of show creation right now and it actually makes me sick and I just hope one day soon everyone gets tired enough of this status quo to shift the norm of how shows get produced back to a state where shows don’t require the permission of streaming services and other big corporate entities to exist and continue existing. that’s the only thing that’d make me feel like I have a real future in my own field.
#rambling#dead boy detectives#I feel much worse than I did when I first heard the announcement now that the doom and dread is really setting in#like it’s Doomed doomed. getting any kind of renewal through another company seems like it’d take a miracle#actually yeah no it would. it would take a miracle. I know it’s not happening#so yeah#seeing how resigned the cast/crew are to the show’s death I think really just. broke me#like they’re not trying to save it nor is there any implication such a thing is possible. they’re resigned to it and that means. to me.#it’s dead. stone cold#sorry for being depressing I guess but. yeah all odds are saying it’s dead and it’s gonna stay dead#best we’re gonna get is a cameo in the sandman s2. which frankly doesn’t mean much to me because it’s the continuation/resolution of the#story that matters the most and that’s not gonna happen no matter what#and don’t tell me ‘at least we could get the s2 script!’ frankly that might just make me feel worse#seeing what we could’ve/shoudlve had#how is that supposed to Not hurt?#anyway. im at work I need to stop
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Lucifer watched as the angels flew into a white portal in the sky of Pride. The extermination was finally over. And that metallic smell started to make its way over to his mansion.
The last angel to leave was Adam. He was looking over Pride before flying into the portal. Lucifer couldn't see his face- mask. He couldn't read his expression. He hoped he regretted the exterminations. This was the first time Lucifer had seen him fight.
There was a part of him that was glad Adam saw the poster. He hasn't been able to stop Lilith, but he was sure Heaven could.
He didn't want harm to come to his wife. But hopefully, a warning will be enough to stop this rebellion of hers.
It didn't.
It's been ten years since Lilith started her army, as she's calling it now. One meeting with Sera and a warning of carnage and death from Michael didn't sway her. If anything, it hardened her resolve.
Since that extermination ten years ago, Adam has participated in every one. Lucifer noticed how he changed. In the meetings, he was almost silent. Only telling Lucifer the numbers of sinners killed and then leaving.
It was like he spoke in slow motion. Even his guard would look at him strangely. Maybe killing your descendants each year was taking its toll on him.
Lucifer may not remember much from Eden, but he remembers how sweet and kind his- the first man was. He'd cry when he stepped on a flower. Even dead ones.
To see Adam covered in blood under the red sky of Hell did something to Lucifer. What happened to him? What was Heaven doing to make his darling best friend a mindless killer? They even gave him angelic power to kill with. What are they doing to him?
Lilith: I'm not stopping, Lucifer. My army is ready to counterattack the angels. We're fighting back this coming extermination. You're either with me, or against me.
Lucifer glared at his wife: What does that mean?
Lilith: It means whatever you think it means. I've supported you and your dreams for thousands of years, I carried your child, and I dealt with your depression! You owe me!
Lucifer: I don't owe you shit. I gave up my spot in Heaven for you! My family! My friends! My Adam! For you!
Lilith: ...Your what...?
Lucifer: ...My life. I gave it up. All of it. So you can be free. You're just... you're going to get yourself killed. I've tried to stop you- but you won't listen. I'm not watching you get yourself killed.
Lilith: ...
Lucifer: Our daughter is nearly 193 years old. She still needs you. And you're about to throw your life away... for sinners. Of all things.
Lilith: ...Is all of this, really about that pig?
Lucifer: What?
Lilith: Adam. I told you what he did to me. And still, you miss him. Do you crave him like you used to?
Lucifer: Shut. Up. I don't crave him. Nor have I ever craved him.
Lilith: But you do miss him. How pathetic. Both of you. Look at what he's become! And you still want him! He's killing our people! He's killing our daughters future! He's killing our marriage-!
Lucifer: ENOUGH! You're doing that yourself! Don't you DARE blame him! You're leading an army! You're going to get those scum killed! You're killing our daughter, and our marriage has been dead for hundreds of years.
Lilith scoffed: After everything. After everything I said about that idiot... and after all of these years, you're still on his side... to bad you weren't in Eden. Do you think you can save him now? You were on my side. You turned your back on him then.
Lucifer stormed over to her: What was I meant to do!? Kill him!? He hurt you! Raped you-!
Lilith: Did he?
Lucifer: ...you said he hurt you...
Lilith: Yes. I did say that... doesn't mean it happened~. You were so quick to help me. To save me from the big bad first man! Thank you my guardian angel!
Lucifer: ...you lied...
Lilith: Finally. The all-powerful Seraphim sees through the lies of the first woman. Took you a while, didn't it?
Lucifer hated Adam. Hated Michael. Hated Sera. But most of all, he hated Heaven. Now, that's changed.
He wants to see Lilith burn in Hellfire.
I'm coming up with some aus for you, but I need some meeting shenanigans.
I would love to know what bullshit Adam and Lucifer got up to during meetings.
Slowly healing their relationship, one meeting at a time 👀
Well I think the very first one they wouldn't even be alone together because of what happened. I think Adam would just silently glare at him.
Over time when Adam was feeling more confident to face the devil he'd go alone but by hologram, Sera's idea.
Making snide remarks, snappy comments, and being sassy.
And Lucifer would come back with his own and they would end up in banter for a while other than why they are really there.
As more time passes it's less hateful and more playful, maybe even takes on a flirty edge.
And I always see Lucifer being the one to make the first move after what happened in Eden. Adam has so many insecurities he wouldn't think that Lucifer would want him as more than maybe a friend.
Hit me with them bud 👀
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ok first murder drones now spooky month depression
#did indie animation wake up and choose angst#not complaining it’s yummy but#I wasn’t expecting angst fromSPOOKY MONTH?????#and the priest character is actually really cool like a lot of media portrays priests as villains and im glad they didn’t do that here#these past few days in indie animation have been actually insane#yesterday was the lackadaisy anniversary and the release of murder drones 7 which was a ROLLERCOASTER#and then the day after that spooky month releases with DEPRESSION#indie animation is so good it’s not even funny#I hope more people become aware of indie shows so they become the new standard#like I dont want all of these plain movies/series we have been seeing from these major productions (with some exceptions ofc)#and with indie animation rising I hope it dis encourages AI use in creative media#because AI can’t make something with such a detailed and in depth plot as humans can#I mean it could eventually(?) but if you have ever interacted with AI you may notice many flaws#this has turned into an essay it’s not even tags anymore but im just psyched for indie animation#murder drones#spooky month#lackadaisy#indie animation#kind of a rant
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i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good
#i'm usually a sebastian kinda guy but i do think it's silly you have to say you like scifi to gain friendship points w him like cmon man#i will say though that. my bestie's baby daddy being named shane kinda does make it hard to like him 😭 unfortunate but not his fault#ik a lot of ppl are weird abt his recovery and his messy ass room bc they play stardew to make things look pretty or whatever#but i'm actually kind of glad he's a realistic depiction of addiction... the problem is his dependence on indulging in alcohol when he's#depressed not the fact that he drinks period... i think that a lot of ppl are unrealistic abt alcoholism (including me abt my dad's)#but concernedape did really good w him imo. anyways all this to say that i'm really glad shane never expects someone to be a certain way#i know most of the candidates are like. archetypes or whatever and i think that's fine they are very sweet and cute regardless but#i think maybe i didnt romance him before bc i related to him so badly that it hurt seeing myself reflected LMAO dead end life and being#suicidal about it like. i've never had a drug dependence but i'm not really in a position where i can ever make my own decisions anyways#but regardless. there is smth to someone who slowly warms up to you when they can't ignore your kindness any longer and have no reason to#act like an abused dog anymore which. does make me sad just to say but that is how he acts beforehand#idkkkkk idk i think people are always too caught up with his addiction and his messy room to actually see him without realizing that#getting better is a lot harder than it appears and that having a dirty room doesn't mean you aren't trying to be better. sigh#besides it's not like. the end of the world that he has a beer sometimes. have you tried going thru life completely sober? it sucks#ok im done LMAO but yeah i've found myself gravitating towards him this time around when i've romanced sebastian literally every playthru#til now. hmm!#ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING. i like how he's basically a twist on the classic useless husband trope in media where they love sports and drinking#but he's not a bad person and the only reason he's mean to you at first is because he hates himself and his own life and he makes an effort#the more you get close to him instead of the opposite. i like that a lot. ok now i'm done
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i think, and this may just be my zekrom bias speaking, that if someone wants to experience the full value of bw's story it's better to play through white first. black has the issue of coming off as very dismissive towards plasma's legitimate and well-founded claims that pokemon abuse DOES occur (and it does! from the kanto games' marowak to bw2's liepard there's instances where it's put in the spotlight, so it certainly does happen)... by assigning the protagonist to truth, it feels pretty evident that n's beliefs are "wrong", and the game just seems to brush any questioning aside.
on the other hand, white giving n the hero of truth role means we're basically forced to think about what that means for the relationship of people and pokemon at large. to translate a point n makes in chargestone cave: if you allow people to coexist with pokemon, even if the majority of trainers treat them well, there will always be someone somewhere out there who abuses or neglects them instead. are we okay with that? should those pokemon still be allowed to suffer, just because what they experience is an outlier to the general rule? while not outright stated, zekrom's association with hope and the strive for the ideal suggests that we don't brush off these facts, but instead take them into consideration, and aim to change the world based off of them... like how in bw2 society in unova puts a lot more emphasis on the bond between people and pokemon, and on pokemon as equals (see: iris's dialogue before entering your team info the hall of fame).
i think black version has its own unique avenues to explore, but on the surface level, it's a much more cut and dry, "no, you're just wrong", type of story that kind of makes you work harder to fit it into bw's overall theming of "the world's not black and white, there's not a singular objective right or wrong perspective."
#text#pokemon bw#this is inspired by a few posts i've come across over the past handful of months including a poketuber's who completely missed the point#i think black version should've been handled with as much care as white. because how gamefreak did it was kind of.. well lazy#and downright mean at times (white getting way more version exclusives due to white forest + black 2 making black city an empire of greed#with kinda. i don't know. depressing visuals like route 4 being turned into suburbia)#(oh and leaving in stuff like thundurus's cry over tornadus's + the castelia city paintings still being 'ugly truth and eternal ideals')#it may be too much to hope that there'll be some reworking in the inevitable remakes#that gives more credit black versions telling of the story but i doubt it. this is modern tpc we're talking about#ANYWAY yeah i think if you want to engage with the plot white version is the more rounded of the two. and i've played all 4 gen 5 games so#i was able to get a pretty good comparison between my experiences with the version differences#and oh for the record this is not a diss on anyone who takes the wrong messages from black becausefrankly black presents the wrong messages#even if it did not actively intend to. turns out just changing the word 'ideals' to 'truth' is not enough to be compelling
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also they gotta stop giving these quirky 18 year olds guns. there's literally nothing quirky about the military. let them be silly on tiktok or something
#is this about valorant or the us military? who knows? certainly not me#i was rewatching the new trailer and i was like 'they shouldn't be on a battlefield they should be safe at home laughing with friends'#they've got a backpack for chrissakes. they're pink. and i think it doubly hurts knowing valorant lore because#that means there is an alternate clove- some hostility that makes the omega earth clove want to kill the alpha earth agents#like even gekko (both gekkos) has a voiceline that's like 'why can't we all be friends? oh right fucking radianite' and i'm like#BOY WHAT HAPPENED??? BOY WHAT THE HELL KIND OF TRAUMA DID YOU GO THROUGH TO MAKE YOU NEED TO STEAL RADIANITE#anyway the valorant universe is lowkey depressing when you think about it. there's an alternate you out there and they're resource hungry
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also, my god, Choi Se Kyeong, what a horrible thing to say to your daughter when her best friend just committed suicide???
#I do feel for Se Kyeong because of all the things she had to do and the life she hated but forced herself to live just to feel loved#and since you see her older self through Eun Gyeol’s eyes first and primarily for many episodes you still see her as just ajumma#with a drinking problem and definitely depressed but also kind and struggling and trying#but the truth is that there is something so terribly dark in her#it’s who she becomes eventually and Eun Yoo suffers because of it but also. you can feel it even when she’s young even in episode 1#yes you sympathize but sometimes you also just have to sit there like. wow. she did that huh.#also part of why you’re on her side is that she’s one of the first people ever to be kind to Cheong-ah#and that obviously counts for MAJOR points especially when she’s defying the witch and her spawn to do so#I mean she’s a complex character#she can be kind and sweet but life really really really bears down on her and it twists her into the thing she was afraid of becoming#actually she’s FASCINATING I wanna study her in a terrarium the same way I want to study Maria Bertram#but also you get the sense that studying her like that would only make her snap quicker#what she needs is space and peace and quiet#elly's posts#twinkling watermelon#episode 13#choi se kyeong#day 230925 of twinkling watermelon obsession
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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