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murasaki-murasame · 7 years

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Thoughts on Ao no Flag v1

Since I just imported this, and the next chapter should be translated in a day or two, I figured I may as well write up my thoughts on the first volume. I was gonna reread it to refresh my memory, but I didn’t get around to it, so I might be forgetting some things.

This isn’t really, like, a professional review, or anything, just my ramble-y thoughts.

TL;DR: This is both adorable and kinda heart-breaking and I love it. This hits basically all the right notes for me. It’s also a shounen rom-com/drama that has actual major LGBT characters so that’s pretty great! Seriously you guys read this manga. It’s already really great.

More under the cut.

Before I say anything else, let me just say that Taichi, Kuze, and Touma are my new fictional children and I adore them with all my heart. I’m basically a complete sucker for main character trios like this. Which is part of why I also enjoy stuff like Pandora Hearts and The Promised Neverland so much. We haven’t seen a lot of Masumi yet but once we do, I’ll probably love her too.

Also for the record I call her Masumi because ‘Itachi’ is way too confusing in a manga that has a protagonist called Taichi, lol.

Anyway, this manga is just great. I have a huge soft spot for this genre as a whole, but even then this one just speaks to me deeply. I haven’t even read anything else by this guy but I already like his style. This hits a really nice balance between drama and comedy and romance that not a lot of things hit.

Normally I tend to not care for the main m/f ships in these sorts of manga, but oh man I already love Taichi and Kuze’s entire dynamic. They’re such sweet, pure children and I just want them to be happy. They both feel like, well, actual teenagers who are still trying to figure out how feelings and relationships work. It’s really endearing. I especially love how determined and earnest Kuze is about her crush on Touma. But I also love how Taichi is just a bit of a mess who doesn’t really know how to reach out to people properly. They’re great. Also, I love the fact that they’re both super short. I was not at all prepared for the part where Taichi sees her from afar and is like ‘wow she’s really tiny’ and then he walks up to her and he’s like ‘jesus christ we’re basically the same height’. That was hilarious.

But of course, I can’t help but feel weirdly guilty about liking them together because that just gets us into the whole Touma thing. Oh boy. Touma, my sweet wonderful gay child, I feel so bad for you and all the drama I see in your future. I’m basically bracing myself right from the start for him to go through all sorts of angst in the future. It’s gonna be rough. Obviously I also ship him and Taichi together, but that’s probably not gonna work out, which kinda breaks my heart a bit.

Seriously though I just love Touma so much, he’s amazing. And I can’t stress enough how meaningful it is to have a major character like him in this sort of manga. It’s not like it’s never happened before [I think Love and Lies has a similar set-up??? Not sure. And then there’s other cases like Makoto from Fuuka and whatnot]. But it’s still important! It always warms my heart to see stuff like this happening more and more. I especially appreciate how Touma as a character, and his crush on Taichi, is already being set up as a surprising pivotal part of the whole story. It’s at least this major time-bomb being set up that’s gonna affect so many things. But I mean, it plays a huge part in his entire dynamic with Taichi, and I can only imagine how it’ll shake that up once Taichi finds out. It’s already setting up a whole lot of dramatic irony with how Taichi’s hung up on how Touma comes across as being ‘perfect’ and completely disconnected from him as a person, which is obviously not quite the case. There’s also a whole lot of dramatic irony going on as well with the fact that Kuze’s whole ‘I have a chance with Touma so I’m gonna pursue him’ attitude is just set up to fail now. And her whole plan to date him is already a pretty big part of the story, so once the other shoe drops then things are gonna change up massively. Especially since Taichi at this point is mostly bonding with her in terms of basically being her wingman. And, of course, it looks like Masumi knows about Touma being gay [and vice versa, I suppose], so if they’re gonna start their own little friendship then that’ll be a part of it.

I dunno how to put it, it’s just interesting to me that Touma’s sexuality isn’t just a joke, or a really minor thing off to the side, but a genuinely important part of the story that’s gonna shake things up massively once the other shoe drops. I like it.

I also appreciate that he’s designed as being conventionally masculine, and in a way that’s not done in a joke-y, exaggerated way for comedy. I feel like a lot of characters like Touma in shonen manga get depicted as one extreme or another, so it’s really cool to see how “normal” [for lack of a better word, I guess] he’s portrayed thus far. It’s just nice to see a gay teenage boy being written as an actual human being and not a stereotype. Obviously there’s a bit of contrast going on with how his outer persona doesn’t really match what he’s going through internally, but it’s more of a dramatic thing than a comedic thing, if that makes sense. In general the aspect of him being seemingly perfect and super popular and put-together but secretly having his own insecurities and struggles is really compelling.

Which is why I really liked that one scene with the tomato plant, which was also probably the scene that convinced me that he was indeed gay, and that the author was going to handle it well. I just love the delicacy of the writing in that scene, especially in hindsight. It’s a wonderful depiction of the kind of moment where you see someone’s mask drop a little and you get a glimpse at who they are inside, but you don’t know enough about them to know what’s going on. It was also a nice scene to help establish why Kuze’s so into him.

I’m also excited to see more of his brother and his brother’s wife [though I guess we technically haven’t seen his brother in person yet at all, I think]. They seem cool. There’s not much to say about them yet, but I do find it a bit amusing how it kinda feels like his brother’s wife was designed to fit Touma’s made-up ‘type’. It makes her feel like a bit of a red herring to make people think he was telling the truth, even though that got almost immediately shot down. But at the same time I don’t remember the story ever, like, going out of it’s way to be all wink wink nudge nudge about it, which I appreciate. It really works as a twist on the reader’s assumptions. I saw a fair few people elsewhere assume that Touma had a crush on her, so I have a feeling that was the author’s intention.

Basically Touma is just my child and I want to hold and protect him. I hope he gets his own happy ending by the time this wraps up, one way or another. He deserves it. I could live with him just being happily single by the end, even if that’d obviously be the depressing option. Even if it’d be bittersweet in it’s own way, it’d be nice to hypothetically see him decide to move on, and end up with an entirely different guy. I feel like manga aimed at teenagers in general tend to act like your first crush is, like, the only person you’re ever gonna have feelings for in your entire life and if it doesn’t work out then WELP SUCKS TO BE YOU, so it’d be neat to see this sorta manga make it clear that even if you have unrequited feelings for someone it’s not the end of the world, and you can move on and find someone else to love in the future. We’ll see.

Mostly I just really hope that this doesn’t end with Touma and Masumi hooking up as some sorta weird consolation prize. In general it’d feel too neat and easy if the main four can get paired up into convenient pairs like that, and I feel like Touma’s whole deal would just be more . . . compelling, I suppose, if he’s exclusively gay, and not bi. I mean, him being exclusively gay would also really drive a wedge in Kuze’s whole plan of action, like I said above, and that definitely seems like what’s being set up. So yeah.

I don’t really have a whole lot to say about Masumi since she hasn’t had a lot of screen-time, but we’ll obviously see more of her now so that’s nice. Obviously I also really appreciate the fact that she seems to be a lesbian, even if her feelings also probably won’t work out in the end. It kinda surprised me how, uh, vicious she got with Taichi, but I like that she apologized afterward in her own awkward way. That’s nice. I hope she gets to become part of the main gang.

I really REALLY love the entire scene between them on the roof-top at the end of the volume. That was great. I actually got vaguely spoiled about it in advance but I didn’t know the full context of it so the scene still surprised me when I read it. I wasn’t expecting them but to all but spell out that both of them are gay by the end of the first volume. They even had to do the dramatic ‘scene goes silent right when important thing is said’ trope right when Masumi probably literally spelled out that Touma’s gay. I really wasn’t expecting how goddamn dramatic it was. Like wow. You could basically feel the tension going on between them. I wasn’t expecting to see Touma be absolutely terrified by the idea that Masumi might have outed him without his consent. That kinda tore at my heart. I feel you so much, Touma, I really do. Thankfully she didn’t, so that’s nice. I’m glad she’s agreeing to keep it a secret for him.

I also love and adore how she pretty much laid out exactly what I’d been thinking, and immediately spelled out the fact that he was lying about his ‘type’, and that the only truthful part was the black hair bit. I’m so glad that got called out by the end of this volume instead of being dragged out unnecessarily. It was pretty dang obvious, at least. Although it does make me wonder exactly how Masumi ‘figured it out’. She doesn’t seem to be close to him as a person, and his crush is mostly obvious to us as the reader. So I wonder if maybe she’s been observing him for a while, and has been piecing it together.

It’s pretty interesting to look back over the entire volume now that it’s over. I mean, it was fairly obvious from early on that Touma is gay, but still, it’s REALLY obvious now. There’s a lot of parts that pretty overtly lay it out. The part in chapter four, I think, where we get the flashback to him and Taichi as kids, and we see the actual moment where Touma lied about his type, it’s SUPER obvious what’s going on. What with him basing his preferred type directly off of Taichi’s height [with an extra amount added], the dramatic close-up of him staring at Taichi when he talks about liking black hair, him immediately turning away afterward and rattling off some other traits to throw him off the trail, etc etc. And other than that you have stuff like the tomato plant scene and so on. There’s also the fact that the cover of volume one is of the main trio standing in a triangle with Kuze looking at Touma, and Touma looking at Taichi, and the insert page thing at the start of the volume is of them making a triangle with their fingers. It’s not exactly subtle, lol.

Anyway, I guess I should talk about predictions and stuff for what’ll happen next, now that we’re right about to get into v2. I guess I don’t have a lot to say other than what I said about how once Taichi and Kuze figure out what’s going on, it’s gonna REALLY shake up their relationship with Touma. Which will be interesting to see. But I feel like it’ll take a while to happen. Other than that . . . well, obviously I want to see more of Masumi, and I hope that Touma’s brother and his brother’s wife end up being recurring side characters. That’d be neat. I’m also wondering if the baseball element might get more important later. It looks like the author’s mostly done sports manga in the past, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it becomes more of a big thing to the story.

Oh yeah, and everyone should read the bonus pages that recently got translated, that came with the first volume. They contain a really short preview for v2, which is already hinting at a whole lot of angst and drama. There’s not really a lot to it as a preview, but one kinda surprising thing about it is that it looks like Taichi is notably taller. Like, a few inches taller. I kinda wasn’t expecting that, but I guess it makes sense. You can also kinda see it on v2′s cover, a bit. We also got a glimpse at what seems to be a new character in the last panel of it. Not sure what her deal is but she looks upset about . . . something, lol.

Also the bonus pages contain a short bonus chapter about how Taichi and Touma first met and I swear to god it’s the cutest thing in the world. I probably should have expected that they first met and bonded over their battle pencils. But seriously, holy shit, little schoolboy Touma blushing and talking excitedly about how Taichi is the coolest person he’s ever met is just! so! ADORABLE! AAAH! I wonder what bonus things the other volumes will contain.

I’m glad that the scanlators have access to the digital raws for the rest of the series now, so we don’t have to wait until each volume comes out for them to translate it. I’m really excited to see chapter six come out in a day or two. It’ll suck when we catch up and have to deal with the two-week release schedule this has in Japan. Oh well.

[I dunno where to fit this, but as a side note, I LOVE how the volume covers for this series look, thus far. Now that we’ve seen the first two. They’re all so beautiful and delicate and sorta watercolour-y. It’s not a style you see often in manga volume covers. But I love it. Honestly like 10% of my reason for importing this series is because I love how the volumes look. I’m kinda superficial like that, lol. The aesthetic this series has in general is really nice]

And yeah as I said at the start of this, I just ordered the first volume of this today from CDJapan. I made a post a while ago about how I was going to import every volume of this if it followed through with the LGBT representation, so I’m sticking to my word on that. This is gonna be the first Japanese volume of manga I’ll own, so that’ll be neat! I’m not really interested in importing a lot of stuff in general, so for the most part I’m sticking to importing different types of manga with good LGBT rep in them, since I’m passionate about this sorta thing. I just want to financially support these types of manga in whatever way I can. Which is also why I’ve started importing Shimanami Tasogare, which is basically one of the best LGBT manga out there. Also manga is just way easier and cheaper to buy/import than something like, say, anime. Sure I’d love to import the Japanese blu-rays of Yuri on Ice but holy shit I do not have the money for that. Even getting the English release of that is gonna be tight. But yeah it really doesn’t cost me a lot to import manga like this so I figured I may as well. It’s gonna take ages for it to get here, but that’s fine.

#murasaki reblogs #ao no flag #this got super long and it's mostly me talking about how much I love Touma #but I love everyone in this manga #I would have talked about some other stuff as well but this is long enough as it is #I definitely love basically every part of this manga just to be clear

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knyplotrewrite · 2 years

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my thoughts on canon Zenitsu

(Disclaimer: This is a big analysis thingy on canon Zenitsu where I will be pointing out both positive and negative parts of his arc and characterization. If you do not want to see the criticism or simply wish to avoid manga spoilers, press “J” for desktop or just scroll really fast to avoid it. Thanks!)

Alright, so Zenitsu.

He’s definitely another of those characters that I find fans either loving to bits or completely despising, and then some that simply don’t care for him at all. For me? I personally do not like canon Zenitsu overall, but it’s purely because of the way Gotouge wrote him that really makes me wish it wasn’t so evident what they were trying to accomplish.

It is super clear they struggled with balancing comedic relief and the emotional depth of Zenitsu. There are very few exceptions, but he’s not really allowed to be taken seriously by the narrative. They somehow have to take what little heartfelt moments and impact he made and turn it into a stupid joke. He’s not treated as a character but something to laugh at, which really feels off in a story that’s supposed to be dramatic and mindful of its characters’ humanity.

So if you’ve ever felt like his development goes all over the damn place throughout the story, this is why. His role as one of the primary forms of comedic relief screwed him over big time.

However, there are those exceptions I hinted at before, and that’s namely his relationship with Kuwajima and his fight with Kaigaku. I felt those were handled extremely well and given the space to emotionally develop and connect with the readers/viewers in the respective places they appeared in (Natagumo, Infinity Fortress).

But like... that’s it, you know? Despite being considered a big part of the KMBK trio, he doesn’t actively connect with Tanjirou or Inosuke in meaningful ways. Not in the way he does with Kuwajima and Kaigaku. Neither Tanjirou nor Inosuke really drive him to become a better person like the Thunder family does, which is pretty odd.

Then there’s Zenitsu with Nezuko. I absolutely despise this relationship in basically every way. Not only is it morally questionable due to Nezuko’s implied age regression, but pretty much every damn scene those two interact in actively makes Zenitsu an obsessive, creepy bitch when it really did not have to be.

Which leads me to my next point: his attachment/abandonment issues. These are not handled well at all, I’m sorry. I’ve really only complained about this to a select group of friends, but I find the fact that he was essentially abused by all seven of his fiancees weird. Like, he never met one normal girl? Why is Gotouge insisting that all these girls were cruel to him? Did they not consider that relationships couldn’t last in other ways? And also why do they never bother bringing this up again? Since he’s an ADHD-coded character, I could totally see the connection between him having so many failed relationships to him being so obsessed with finding a spouse later on, but its not given the depth it deserves. Once again, the fact that he’s treated almost purely as comedic relief took that potential away from us.

It’s a really big shame too since Nezuko would have been the perfect way for Zenitsu to really work through his issues regarding his relationships, and his complicated feelings when it comes to love.

@keniaku since you asked for this lol

#but yeah rewrite readers will know that ive definitely taken a much more mature approach with zenitsus character #hes still humorous #he cracks jokes and acts dryly sarcastic when hes clearly not in the mood to deal with shenanigans #but its in character #and hes able to feel the full scope of his emotions #then grow from them #and he even meets one of his exes lmao #anyways thanks for reading this dump of thoughts #kny meta #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #kny manga spoilers #zenitsu #zenitsu agatsuma #keniaku

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myherowritings · 4 years

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order’s up!

— Osamu gets a big order of some rather strange rice ball combinations an hour before closing. He doesn’t expect that he’d find the customer who ordered to be so damn cute.

pairing: miya osamu x reader word count: 2,387 genre: fluff, post manga timeskip

a/n: first haikyuu fic and aHH it was so fun to write ,, i didn’t expect osamu to be my first but here we are and tbh i am not mad~ ;) FJSDHKJ hope u enjoy!!

“One unagi onigiri to go-- Your order’s ready!”

A middle-aged man stood up from his seat at the waiting area and headed over to the counter, thanking Osamu for the fresh onigiri and making brief small talk. As the man left, Osamu looked at the customer next in line, thankful there was only one person in here so close to closing time.

“I’ll be with you in a moment,” he stated when your gaze met his, lips quirking up to give his best customer service smile.

You nodded with a warm smile of your own before looking down at the phone in your hands, murmuring what he thought sounded like “salmon, plum, beef, extra green onions, heavy on the seasoning.” Now, he liked to think there were no rules to onigiri, but part of him did hope you wouldn’t ask for all those ingredients in one gigantic, imbalanced rice ball. Maybe you were reciting a large number of individual orders.

He shrugged. Money was money, and all onigiri was good onigiri when made with his special Miya love. Miya love that was specific to Osamu in particular, of course. Atsumu could never recreate it even if he tried-- Not that he ever tried. The day he tried in something other than volleyball would be the day Osamu said he was the worst onigiri chef in Japan.

In other words, never.

Osamu hustled over to the cash register and you took that as your cue to step forward, hands fidgeting with your wallet and cellphone.

He smirked to himself in silent amusement. A shy one, were you? By now he had lost count of all the nervous and fidgety costumers he had gotten at his shop, but to allow them to stay that way simply wouldn’t do. If his patrons weren’t 100% comfortable in his care--well, as comfortable they could be in an onigiri shop--it meant he was doing his job wrong.

As the owner of Onigiri Miya he wanted to make sure every customer would leave with a smile and a desire to come again soon. That was how he built rapport and got so many regulars after all.

“I can take your order whenever you’re ready,” said Osamu in a slow pace, encouraging you to slow your rhythm as you tapped your fingertip restlessly against your protective phone case. Were you in a hurry? You seemed rather antsy, but he went on. “There’s no rush here.”

There was less than an hour until closing and he figured you would be the last customer of the day-- Meaning there was no reason not to slow down. As much as Osamu appreciated how lively his hometown could be, he also enjoyed quieter moments like these.

Not everything had to be so loud. Not everything had to be moving so fucking fast all the time. And he learned that in some instances, he could just control the pace himself.

Your worried chatter brought him out of his musing. “Are you sure? Because I know you close soon and I really didn’t want to come in so late but the guys are still down over a loss and said this was their favorite comfort food,” you said, eyebrows furrowed in a tell of concern. “It’s kind of a big order, so if you need to start cleaning up for closing I can just go to another store-- Sorry for imposing!”

He blinked. He thought he just said there was no rush to imply he wasn’t worried and you shouldn’t be either, but you didn’t seem to pick up on that.

“Hey, you’re not imposing,” Osamu soothed, somewhat alarmed at your apprehension. “You said someone was down over a loss? You on a sports team?”

Losing sucked. Osamu knew this firsthand.

Sure, in hindsight it wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but while it could sure feel that way sometimes. If it was bad enough, it could take a few days to really get over and grow from it. So hearing that Onigiri Miya was someone’s comfort food that could help cheer them up on days like those… That certainly gave him reason to puff his chest up a little more.

“Yeah! Well, kind of.” You moved your head side-to-side as if unsure of your answer. “I help assist the volleyball team at my university. It’s my last year in school and I’m sure all of the other fourth years are bummed too.” Catching the small frown on your face, you stopped yourself before it spread, clearing your throat. “But it’s okay! At least we all had fun. And now they’ll be getting some of their favorite food to cheer them up-- If you’re still taking orders, that is…?”

He nodded. “‘Course I am.” Osamu flashed you a grin intended to make your worries disappear. “What kinda store owner would I be if I couldn’t make your team their pick-me-up food?”

The two of you shared a look before you tore your gaze away, biting your lower lip to hide your smile.

“Thank you, then,” you murmured, unlocking your phone to what appeared to be a notes app.

Osamu picked up his pen with a short hum. “Ready to take your order when you are.”

“Right.” You stared at your screen in concentration before listing off what you had written. “Can I have three salmon onigiris with green onions, two umeboshi and mentaiko with light seasoning and ginger, one tempura and unagi with green onions and sesame seeds and heavy seasoning, two…”

As he noted your orders, some arguably stranger than others--not that he should be one to judge, what with his own peculiar preferences--he made a mental note of how cute your voice sounded and tucked it away in the depth of his mind. Was cute the word for it? He wasn’t exactly sure, but he guessed that sounded okay enough. There was something about hearing you talk that made Osamu want to hear more, even if it was just a list of onigiri ingredients.

He huffed. Weird.

When you finished he repeated back your order, affirming it was all correct.

“Great, so I’ll be with you in about 15 to 20 minutes with your order ready,” he informed as he held the paper with the dishes he had to make. “You can have a seat at one of the tables ‘til I return.”

You nodded at his words but hesitantly opened your mouth. “Erm-- Wait!”

He looked back at you, mere steps away from the cooking area.

“Is it just you working at this hour?” you asked, standing with your hands folded behind your back as you craned your neck.

“Yeah, we don’t get many late customers on a Tuesday night so I’m the only one closin’ today.” Osamu gave you a curious once-over. Bright eyes, nervous yet playful smile, cute outfit-- Damn, he sure was using the word cute a lot today. All in relation to you nonetheless. “Why?”

“Are you sure the order isn’t too big for you in this hour?” Once again, you were fretting. He reckoned he ought to teach you some relaxation techniques and tips of how to be less...selfless. “Do you need some, uh, help?”

The corner of Osamu’s lip twitched upwards. Help? What were you planning on doing if he said yes? Learn the basics of food safety and onigiri-making in less than 20 minutes so you could assist him in making your order?

Something told him that was, in fact, what you were ready to do.

Cute.

“Stop stressin’, sweetheart,” he said with a tsk, not bothering to hide his amused grin. “I’ve handled bigger orders than this. You just rest your pretty little head and I’ll be finished before you know it.”

Though you still looked concerned, you nodded and sat down, probably figuring you would be more of a hindrance in his onigiri-making flow than anything else.

“Don’t miss me too much-- And don’t even think of saying sorry or anythin’ like that!” His tone was teasing but he meant what he said. You were a customer at Onigiri Miya and he wanted no patron of his to be worrying this much if he could do anything to help it. “The store’s still open and I’ve no issue taking your order. ‘Kay?”

You blinked. “Okay. I… Thank you, uh, Miya-san.”

“Just Miya’s fine.”

“Right. Miya. Thank you.”

He sauntered off into the kitchen to get started with your order and as he went through making your onigiri, he hoped you wouldn’t still be feeling bad about a big order that wasn’t even that big compared to others he got. Besides, you had already paid for the order. There was no point worrying after the transaction went through.

Osamu soon made his way down the list of rice balls and, just like he promised, popped his head out of the kitchen along with three, full takeout containers in record time.

“For the cutest customer here tonight-- Order’s up!”

You perked up at the mouthwatering smell of his onigiri, pressing a hand to your stomach as you hummed. “I’m the only customer here tonight, but since your food smells so yummy I will choose to let that comment slide.”

Holding the bag of takeout in front of his, Osamu smirked at your surprisingly steadfast composure. You didn’t get flustered at his unabashed compliment like he thought you would, and for some reason that made you seem even more appealing.

As you accepted the order, he quipped, “Only customer here or not, you’re still the cutest.”

You wrapped your fingers around the handle of the takeout bag, the edge of your pinky brushing against his thumb. “Hmm, then-- I guess you’re definitely the cutest worker here tonight, even though it is by default.”

Osamu laughed, both in amusement and in happiness after finally getting you to feel comfortable in his shop.

“A compliment’s a compliment and I’m not above being the cutest by default,” he said with a lazy drawl, watching as you set the onigiri bag on the counter in front of you while easing into a conversation with him.

“As if you would ever have to win by default. You seem much too handsome and talented for that.”

It sounded like you were flirting. Were you flirting? He noted the mischievous glint in your eyes and the way you lingered in the store instead of leaving once you received your order.

Yeah. You were so flirting.

“Cute.”

“Huh?”

“Oh, nothing.” He smiled secretively but wouldn’t expand on what he said despite your questioning look.

You narrowed your eyes. “Sure, okay then.” Your fingers wrapped and unwrapped themselves from the handle of the to-go bag, like you didn’t want to leave just yet but didn’t know what was left to say. “Well-- Um, thank you for the order! I’m sure this’ll cheer the team right up.”

“And you as well, I hope.”

“Of course. I haven’t even tasted it but it already has.”

Just being here already has, is what you seemed to say. Osamu rather liked that implication.

“But… I still feel kind of bad for ordering all this so close to your closing hours,” you said sheepishly, rubbing the side of your neck like it had a knot. “I’m sorry.”

Osamu waved his hand at your words. “Please, what do you have to apologize for? Making me do my job?” he asked cheekily, his sideways grin showing teeth. “You shouldn’t feel bad.” He noticed the way you brought your lower lip into your mouth with uncertainty and he continued, “But if you still do...there is a way you could repay me and soothe those worries.”

You looked up, eyes widened. “How? I’d do anything.”

Dangerous words coming from such pretty little lips.

He adjusted the cuffs of his sleeves, unintentionally bringing your attention to his forearms. “Let me treat you out this weekend, yeah?”

Your gaze followed his hands as you nodded. “Yea--” You blinked to snap out of your daze and he stifled a laugh. “Wait, wait! Shouldn’t I be the one to treat you?”

“What kinda gentleman would I be if I were to ask you out on a date and tell you to pay?”

Maybe Atsumu would’ve made his date pay for their meal and activities of the day, but Osamu wasn’t him. Osamu had class.

“A date?” you parroted. “As in one with me? And you? Together?”

There wasn’t anyone else in the store he could be asking. Nope, just you and your awkwardly cute self.

Osamu nodded in affirmation. A date is just what he was asking you out on. “Well, only if you want, of course.”

You bit the inside of your cheek to contain the wide smile that threatened to spread across your face. “I wouldn’t mind a date with the cutest worker here tonight,” you teased, looking around the store before meeting landing on his face. “I still want to be the one to treat you, though. It’s the least I could do.”

As happy as he was that you didn’t reject him, he didn’t give. “Don’t worry about treating me-- Your company’s a better treat than money could buy.” You snorted at his pickup line and Osamu silently cursed his brother for saying that line would always work. And then cursed himself for believing it. “Look, I’ll pay. I insist.”

“I insist too.”

You held each other’s gaze, neither one wavering. He seemed to realize you weren’t going to give in, but he wasn’t planning on it either. He huffed, shaking his head, entertained. “Okay, then. How ‘bout we rock-paper-scissors it when the day comes?”

“Fine by me,” you laughed, hiding the bottom half of your face with your hand. He wanted to hold it in his so he could see the full smile you were covering, but Osamu decided he could save that for another time. “But don’t think you’ll have an easy win! I’ll have you know I play a mean game of rock-paper-scissors.”

“‘Course you do, sweetheart.”

And he didn’t doubt that at all.

As strange as the orders were and as nervous as you may have been at the start, Osamu found himself rather fond of you. Was working overtime worth it just for a date with a cute costumer?

Yeah, he decided. It was.

a/n: y/n’s vball team waiting for their comfort food after a bad loss while y/n and osamu are just there flirting after hours: 👁💧👄💧👁

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #osamu x reader #miya osamu x reader #miya osamu #hq x reader #haikyuu #haikyu!!#haikyu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu fluff

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makeste · 3 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 316: We've Had One, Yes, But What About Second Explosion

Previously on BnHA: Deku was all “[powers up like whoa because it’s time to end the fight]”, and he saved Overhaul from getting not-shot, and then smashed up Nagant’s arm with the power of his new rechargeable super knees. Nagant was all “yoooo this kid is crazy strong whaaaat, it’s like he’s some kind of protagonist or something.” Deku was all “I AM A PROTAGONIST, ACTUALLY, DO YOU WANT TO JOIN FORCES AND FIGHT BAD GUYS WITH ME?” Nagant was all “ah shit why the hell no -- ” and then AFO was all “SURPRISE” and everyone was all “?!?!?!” and AFO was all “TIME TO EXPLODE NOW” and made Nagant explode because he’s an absolute fucking dick. And then Hawks showed up, because Horikoshi just wanted to stuff as many plot points as humanly possible into a single chapter I guess.

Today on BnHA: Hawks is all “good job giving motivational shounen redemption speeches Deku but I’ll take it from here” and screams very earnestly right in Nagant’s face until she finally wakes up. Nagant is all “oh hey it’s my successor, you seem surprisingly unfucked-up from your own HPSC tenure, how did you manage that?” Hawks is all “fandom is going to love hearing this one, but basically it’s because I’m very upbeat and also I had the world’s best role model Endeavor to look up to,” and I swear this man stirs the pot on purpose, but damn it I still love him so damn much. Overhaul is all “HELLO AGAIN, JUST A REMINDER THAT, THE BOSS!!” and Deku is all “MAYBE TAKE TWO SECONDS TO REFLECT ON HOW YOU TORTURED A LITTLE GIRL,” which, thank you, lol. Nagant is all “btw AFO’s hiding in a house in the woods”, and so Deku and the gang go to the house in the woods. Video recording!AFO is all “hi I’m AFO welcome to Jackass” and blows up the house. Sometimes I wonder if this manga is just a weird dream.

I am once again reading the Bean version because I think it was actually the best out of all three translations last week. and that is surprisingly including Viz’s. “faux” is not nearly as entertaining as “knockoff”, and also I have literally no idea why Caleb thought Deku was saying the Third’s lines lol

oh hey, Endeavor’s here too! not that you’d ever be able to tell from this first panel lmao

glad you received All Might’s call, mysterious unidentified glowing smudge

oh snap he says he’s weaker in the rain. is that why AFO told Nagant to attack then?? except that as we discussed the other day, I believe that AFO fully intended for Nagant to lose the fight, so him giving her info that would give her an advantage doesn’t really fit in with that. maybe he wanted Deku to be separated from Endeavor and the rest for maximum angst, though

btw Deku’s eyes are unsurprisingly back to the new normal here

alas, the angst continues. I say, pretending like I’m not totally eating it up each and every week and writing essay after essay about it lol

anyway so apparently Hawks can’t actually fly lmao. he was just yeeting himself with style

for some reason this is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen omfg. wave to Hawks, kids! say “bye, Hawks!”

j/k of course Deku is catching them. -- except???

wow so he was just running on fumes there at the end. well, good to know there is actually a limit to his shenanigans, particularly regarding this new “knockoff” 100% OFA. it will definitely not alleviate any of the discourse, but it’s good for my own peace of mind because it’s solid confirmation that he still needs his pals in order to win this thing

anyway, but on to the rest of this conversation, which is basically Deku deducing what we all deduced last week -- AFO implanted some sort of trap into Nagant when he gave her Air Walk. though I’d still like to get the actual details from AFO and/or Horikoshi, because this was particularly wild even by quirk standards lol

omgggggg

she still has a face after all!! so it’s confirmed, Horikoshi has no idea what “blowing up” actually means. we might have guessed, based on what happened to Toga in the MVA arc, and also based on everything Katsuki does ever, but shhh

so now Hawks is all “NAGANT PLEASE WAKE UP, IF I SHOUT MY NAME AT YOU WILL THAT DO THE TRICK”

this is actually kind of touching though because even though we all know (or most of us acknowledge at any rate) that Hawks is a pretty caring person, it’s rare to see him actually panic over someone’s welfare like this

oh shit Horikoshi is really doubling down on it

I wonder how much Hawks knew about what really happened between Nagant and the HPSC. regardless, he probably sees her as a kindred spirit of sorts, and I’m more than happy for Deku to pass the redemption torch onto him now that he’s on the scene. like no offense Deku but they actually know each other and stuff lol

DAMMIT NAGANT CAN’T YOU SEE HOW LOUD HE IS YELLING

apparently being freed from his HPSC shackles has finally given Hawks the space to embrace his own inner shounen protagonist. is there anything more shounen than trying to motivationally scream someone awake when they’re lying in your arms inches from death?? 100% guaranteed to work

!!! IS THIS NAGANT’S POV OMG

SO SHE IS ALIVE. THANK GOD. Horikoshi doesn’t want to meet with my emotional distress lawyer today after all

love how she’s all “just gonna stir up the weekly Hawks Discourse pot here by implying that he probably committed a lot of Atrocities just like I did, so now people can get all hopped up about that, even though there’s no evidence he’s ever killed anyone aside from that one horrible ‘damned-if-you-do...’ situation with Twice.” no one asked for your provocative speculation young lady!! trust me Nagant, our rabbles don’t need the rousing lol

but nice save there with the “so how are your eyes so untainted” well you see it’s because even when he was following the HPSC’s orders he always went to great lengths never to go against his own moral compass. which just to be clear was incredibly difficult, and led to a ton of pain and suffering on his part, because the life of a spy is basically just one impossible situation after another. but in spite of that he never stopped trying to do his best to help people. I don’t really know where this tangent came from or is leading to, lol, but anyway p.s.a. I love Hawks a lot and he’s a good kid dammit

oh shit??!?

how is the League always able to swing all these fancy forest mansions. where do they find them. how many do they have

so Deku’s dropping them -- very roughly, not sure if he was reacting to finally getting AFO’s location, or if his energy really is giving out -- and now Nagant’s saying that AFO hired other villains as well. well of course he did. gotta keep chipping away at OFA’s ninth successor little by little

now Nagant is asking Hawks how he’s able to keep making “that” face. I assume she’s again talking about the fact that he somehow didn’t let the HPSC wear down his spirit

oh my god???

thanks for stuffing this chapter to the brim with good nutritional Hawks Feels, Horikoshi. what a good. he just keeps on trudging forward undeterred no matter what bullshit comes his way. what a steadfast little guy. I WILL PROTECT YOU FROM DISCOURSE MY SWEET SUNSHINE

lmaoooo

“SPOTTED THIS DUDE JUST CHILLING OUT THERE ON THE ROOF WITH NO ARMS, SEEMED PRETTY SUS” good job Endeavor

anyway so you don’t really need me to tell you that Overhaul is immediately starting in with the “BUT THE BOSS WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE ME TO THE BOSS YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD TAKE ME TO THE BOSS” stuff again. but I will go ahead and tell you anyway. so yeah. he’s doing that

OMG YOU GUYS LOOK AT DEKU’S “of all the fucking assholes to just randomly drop in on my life once again why did it have to be you” FACE THOUGH, OMG

fun fact, if you go back to chapters 124 through 160, there was an entire story arc where Overhaul imprisoned and tortured a little girl. yeah, I know!! suuuuuuuuper evil. anyways just an interesting little anecdote for you all that’s somewhat relevant to the current situation

OMG, YES. FUCK YES, DEKU

THEN WHAT ABOUT SPARING ONE FOR HER!!! YES!!! EXACTLY!!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, SOMEONE GETS IT

HERE’S THE PANEL OF DEKU SAYING THE EXACT SAME THING I’M SAYING LOL

(ETA: so apparently there’s some discourse about this because some people are interpreting this as Deku saying “you should apologize to Eri”, which would obviously be a terrible idea even if Overhaul actually wanted to do that, because Eri shouldn’t ever have to see him again. however I just want to point out that there is a HUGE difference between saying “it would be nice if you could direct that feeling of regret/being sorry towards Eri as well”, vs saying “you should also apologize to her.” all Deku is doing is rightfully pointing out that Overhaul has hurt way more people than just his boss, and if he really is remorseful, then he should extend those feelings of remorse to Eri and the rest as well. it’s not a directive to take any specific action, and I’m 1000% sure no one at U.A. would let Overhaul within 100 miles of Eri ever again.

tl;dr “try feeling remorse sometime” =/= “do you want me to fly you over to U.A. right now to surprise the little girl you traumatized”, lol.)

[slings an arm around Deku’s shoulders] you’re a good kid. I like you. I don’t know if I tell you that enough, but it’s true

meanwhile here is Overhaul’s “spare... a thought... for Eri...???????” face sigh

the struggle is real y’all

(ETA: and that’s... the last we ever saw of Overhaul, I guess? well all right then. I assume Deku will make good on his promise, so we know he’ll get that little bit of closure before going back to jail or whatever, and I confess I’m more than fine with leaving the rest of it open-ended, especially given his character’s history. I think this was pretty generous all things considered.)

lmao holy shit

All Might what did you do to those tiki torch guys?? did you thrash them. did you give ‘em those hands. did you deliver their own asses to them complete with a sticker reminding them Amazon Prime Day is on June 21. we missed out goddammit

so Endeavor, who wasn’t the one he was asking, is telling him that they captured (well let’s be real, Deku captured, give the credit where it’s due) Nagant and Overhaul. and so I guess they’re going to take Nagant to the ER now

fire is no one’s weakness

-- oh my GOD I scrolled down and audibly gasped

[is politely but firmly approached and asked to remove my arm from Deku’s shoulder by the physical manifestation of all this Dekuangst] “we’re sorry, he’s not allowed to have visitors right now” oh shit, my bad. [goes to stand behind a police barricade]

lmao what. did you run out of room on the previous page

what an exaggerated fade to black lmao

-- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I actually can’t see what he’s reacting to so maybe I’m just seriously jumping the gun here lol, but THE HELL WITH IT. the next panel appears to be a cut to Haibori Forest, so I’m just gonna go ahead and declare that Deku ran off on his own all wounded to go have more Dekuangst, just like I manifested. now go call Katsuki goddammit

[scrolls three more inches down] oh

yeah so like I said, Deku is walking very slowly a few feet in front of Endeavor, who’s telling him to wait up. yep. we’ve all gotta be so careful to not just jump to conclusions. I know we’re excited but still

anyway, so! welcome back to Mt. Lady and Kamui Woods (ARE YOU GUYS DATING) and Edgeshot! have fun walking into this obvious trap lol

dammit Deku why are you so determined to tempt fate

[monkey puppet meme faces]

OH MY GOD THIS IS PURE GRADE-A CHEESY COMIC BOOK VILLAIN 101 SHIT AND I’M HERE FOR IT

that’s such a weird way of clapping who claps like that

unlike certain other people who shan’t be named, AFO doesn’t feel the need to inexplicably take his shirt off when recording sinister villain monologues. I think we’re all pretty grateful for that

high fives to everyone who called it!! yep yep

anyway so this whole scene has major booby-trap vibes, which I’m enjoying immensely even though I don’t think anything is really going to come of it lol. probably just another long-winded AFO Speech. but wouldn’t it be funny if like the ceiling started lowering down to try and squish Deku afterwards lol

(ETA: well the explosion was still pretty funny too ngl.)

ffff

[“Dekuangst is the trap” intensifies]

anyway so yeah. he’s just hitting up all of his usual villain talking points. we get it, you’re so smart and you see right through the thin veneers of society and people who don’t conform are left to fend for themselves and labeled as villains and history is written by the victors, and blah blah blah dude are you just jumping randomly from one soundbyte to another lol. literally what are you talking about. what does this have to do with you blowing up Nagant

-- holy shit??

[”Dekuangst is the trap” intensifies MORE?????]

LOL WHAT

BRO. WHAT IS WITH YOU. DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO LAY ANY OTHER KIND OF FUCKING TRAP GOOD LORD

“YOU’RE NEXT” THE CALLBACK?? THE PARALLELS?? THOUGH WHEN ALL MIGHT POINTED HE MADE IT LOOK WAY COOLER. AFO’S POINTING JUST LOOKS LIKE SMOKEY THE BEAR

HAS ANYONE CHECKED IN ON KAMUI WOODS I HEAR HE IS WEAK TO FIRE?? THE ONLY ONE WHO IS, APPARENTLY

r.i.p. to this particular forest mansion. don’t worry they have a ton of backups

remember last week when I said maybe AFO thinks explosions are gauche. well never mind. he fucking loves explosions

anyway so that’s the end of BnHA, everyone. hope you enjoyed. it was a good ride while it lasted. see you all, good luck in your travels

#bnha 316 #hawks #takami keigo #lady nagant #midoriya izuku #all for one #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #manifesting 317 opening with a slightly modified version of my previous fantasy scenario lmao #'WHADDYA MEAN THEY BLEW UP THE NERD'#that's *his* job #sorry lol I kid I kid

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alienaiver · 2 years

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Chapter II: On dubious foods and fireworks

Chapter summary: Successful in your mission to claim Shinsou as an important part of your life, your friendship flourishes. The flow of the waves consumes you both as you learn to navigate the compass of feelings.

warnings for this chapter: there’s a panic attack described in this chapter, it starts at the paragraph, “He tells you of his experiences…” and it’s done by the paragraph, “After he’s successfully breathed slowly for a few minutes..”, don’t hesitate to let me know if i’ve missed anything else!

wordcount: 12.3k words

chapter content: fluff, mild angst, gender neutral reader, best friends pining, one-sided pining (theyre both DORKS it is so mutual it hurts), typical teenage insecurities, shitty communication, humor and friendly bickering between friends, CANON DIVERGENT FROM THIS POINT basically, second year at u.a!, reader gives shinsou a semi-expensive gift and says their parents helped fund it - can be read as a lie to make shinsou accept, though! notes: OH BOY. this chapter is BIG ONE! i really hope you like it, AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YALLS SUPPORT ON CHAPTER 1<3333 im so overwhelmed by the love! again, the next and final chapter will be posted next sunday and all i can promise is that the wordcount is even higher for ch3 IEFHSJFS ilysm<3

quick note for anime only readers: this story has become canon DIVERGENT from the school festival and on and therefor anything that happens in this chapter (and forth) doesn’t align with what is currently going on, will happen or have happened in the manga past that point! it is simply me coming up with an alternate continuation so you will not get spoiled if you’ve only caught up in the anime<3 mwuah, happy reading!

previous chapter ┋ series masterlist ┋ next chapter

Shinsou’s heart is beating faster than he thinks is healthy, clenching the strap of his backpack to the point where it’d definitely leave a permanent crease. This is good, really good. He tries to take another breath to steel himself but ultimately ends up choking on air – great, and of course today of all days. So here he’s standing, in the hallway of his high school, choking on air. He feels the weight of a hand on his shoulder and looks to his left. His teacher and mentor, Aizawa stands with a smile on his face, “it’s going to be okay.” He looks back at the door, had he really been standing here for so long?

Shinsou clears his throat one last time before he takes his first step into his new class, Hero Department’s Class 2-A. On the other side of the threshold you stand with barely contained excitement. Homeroom’s about to start and behind you the whole class is waiting as well. The second he’s in the classroom it starts ringing with cheers and it seems like Yaoyorozu has produced confetti for the occasion, ultimately overwhelming Shinsou on the spot from the sheer excitement of his classmates. They’re not just friends anymore but classmates and if he later denies there were tears in his eyes, you don’t dispute him. His seat is between Kaminari and Tokoyami and after he’s settled down he looks anxiously around the classroom, searching for you – as if he wouldn’t be able to really calm down unless he spots you in the same classroom as him. You send him a wave and your dumb finger guns with a wink before Aizawa starts the class.

Outside, the cherry blossom trees are doing their work at being pink and beautiful and while eating your lunch outside in spring looks very pleasing it ends up very annoying and very good at interrupting every conversation Shinsou tries to have with his best friend because said best friend is too busy laughing and joking about them landing in the food. You’d asked Lunch Rush to make Yakisoba Noodles like they serve them at festivals after Shinsou had confessed he’d never tried traditional festival dishes. The outrage you’d felt surprised Shinsou who simply admitted that going to festivals hadn’t really been his home’s thing and you promise to bring him to one in the summer. “Aizawa came up to me after homeroom,” you tell him between bites and he waits for your continuation, “thanked me for supporting you in reaching your goal and uh. If I’d want to help you study in the beginning as you get used to the extra period and stuff.” You slurp up some noodles and Shinsou smiles, “I don’t mean to dunk on you but you’re not even like… one of the smartest people in the class.” And the kick he receives underneath the table doesn’t surprise him. He's about to ask if you’d want to plan those… study dates? You probably wouldn’t call them dates, he thinks when suddenly Kaminari throws his arms around him from behind, “yer eating lunch without me? That’s so rude!”

You offer him noodles since you both have them an abundance, Lunch Rush giving Shinsou two extra thumbs-ups upon giving him his food, obviously letting him celebrate his transfer to the Hero Course. Before Kaminari’s really settled and part of the conversation more classmates come running, invading the table you’d sat on. You look excited and Shinsou feels excited because he’s a part of this now, he’s not just an outsider looking in. While joining the Hero Department has been his ultimate goal, he can’t deny the giddiness he feels upon sharing classes with you. He rests his head in his palm and gives himself a few seconds to just stare at your face before he joins in on the conversation.

Well fuck.

Shinsou lets his hands run down his face, dragging his cheeks with him as he groans. Granted, he hadn’t ever been in love before and hadn’t had many friends so he could be entirely off base but… the feeling that’d rushed through him when you’d told him that he was your hero? That couldn’t be good for anyone’s heart to hear. He turns around in the bed a few times, trying to let the restlessness leave his body but to no avail so he jumps up from the bed, walking in circles. It’s fine, he didn’t have a crush on you. Did he? He couldn’t have! You were his best friend! He feels giddy and even through the sheer panic, can’t stop himself from laughing out loud at the absurdness of it all. While he fears the emotions he might be feeling right now, he can’t deny the absolute happiness that’s now emerging from being referred to as ‘your hero’, romantic feelings or not. He hides his face in his hands, willing the blush to disappear. If he’d had trouble sleeping before calling you, he’ll struggle even more now. When his phone lights up in the dark room he instantly goes to grab it. You’ve sent him a snap. He opens it with shaky hands, almost afraid he’d accidentally press on the screen again and miss the message. It’s a picture of your room that is otherwise dark besides the string lights you’ve adorned the windows with, the text asking him if he’s sure he’s okay.

He sucks in a breath as the snap time runs out, knowing he has to reply now that you can see he’s opened it. Taking a picture of his equally dark room with no string lights, he shakily writes out a yeah sorry, I just think I can finally sleep. He feels bad for lying to you, he really does as he realizes this may be one of the very first times he’s done it.

He panics and shuffles through your interactions from you met until now and can’t come up with any lies and his heartrate spikes, friends don’t lie, right? He realizes he’s spiraling again, like you’d told him on the phone, but for an entirely different reason now. He lets himself fall back on the mattress, controlling his breathing like you usually make him do. “it’s fine, there’s literally no problem. You don’t have to date the person you’re crushing on – you’re probably just confusing your feelings. Crushes disappear, it’s probably hormones! Yep, definitely hormones.”

He isn’t sure who he’s trying to convince because it definitely doesn’t work on himself, not at all. He checks his phone again; you’ve opened the snap three minutes ago but haven’t replied and a lovesick smile plays on his features before he can fully register that he’s doing it. You’re making sure not to disturb his fragile sleep so you leave him be and that’s just really on brand for you – always taking care of him somehow. A sigh leaves him – one that suspiciously sounds like something coming from a Disney princess in love but he decides not to dwell on it, he’d probably just spiral again. He puts his phone on the nightstand and turns around to face the wall. It's okay, he thinks. Forcing his eyes shut he wraps his blanket around him and does yet another breathing exercise you’ve once taught him.

Shinsou’s spent the winter getting used to his… new-found feelings, for you. Training himself to not blush and stammer, cursing himself for not being able to use his quirk on himself. The first week after his realization, you’d been convinced he was sick and kept trying to send him to the infirmary – he’d even obliged one time to make you stop fretting and touching his forehead, which had ended in a very humiliating conversation with Recovery Girl after you’d left for class and she’d ultimately become the first one to know about his feelings.

So now that he’s starting his new life in the 2-A’s dorm, he’s determined to make the most of it. He’s trying on different shirts for tonight, unsure what to go with. When classes were finished for the day, half of his classmates had faked tiredness, putting on a variety of convincing and not-so-convincing behaviors, telling him they’d stay in their rooms for the rest of the day and the common area should stay empty and quiet. In a not-so-subtle way Bakugou had told him to stay the fuck away from the common area and kitchen, making several of them groan out loud and chastise him. You, however, you’d been the worst at keeping the secret, spilling it before he was even aware there was a secret to tell.

“Act surprised when you come to dinner tomorrow! They’re throwing you a welcome party!”

They way you’d said it made it sound like you wanted him to believe that the others were the ones arranging this but Shinsou wasn’t blind to the fact that you’d probably come up with the whole idea. There’s a knock on his door and since he’s convinced that it’s you when he opens, he’s surprised when it’s Kaminari, “that’s really not a happy look bro, is it that disappointing to see me instead?” Shinsou sends him a confused look to which Kaminari groans in mock irritation and says your name.

“Dude, you’re very obvious, holy fuck.” Kaminari states as he shuts Shinsou’s door behind him and ignores the way Shinsou’s world crumbles – did everyone know? Did he need to do damage control? Did you know? “I figured you had a crisis with shirts though,” he smirks knowingly upon seeing the shirts on the floor strewn around the mirror, Shinsou feels a blush reach his ears but also narrows his eyes at his lightning friend, “how do you just… know that?”

Kaminari winks at him, “a gentleman never reveals his secrets!” He then proceeds to pick up the shirts from the floor, muttering disapprovingly to some of them and raising the ones he might accept a little higher. Shinsou can’t help but raise a very suspicious eyebrow at his friend but also can’t deny that the help isn’t entirely unwelcome – no matter how… weird, the circumstance is. So, he swallows his pride and walks over to Kaminari whose upper body is currently inside Shinsou’s closet, searching through his clothes.

“Is it true that I’m… obvious?” he asks, holding his hands in front of him, playing with them. Kaminari snorts from inside the closet before coming out with a dress shirt Shinsou had forgot he even owned, “dude, I love you and I’m sorry to be the one to tell you but yeah you are.” Shinsou clicks his tongue and looks at the floor, “how many… knows?” he fights out through his teeth, frustration evident in both his voice and face. Kaminari puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder and Shinsou feels himself calm down just a little bit just from the gesture alone, “they don’t know, if you’re worried about that,” Kaminari smiles before pulling out a shirt with the left hand that had still been inside the closet, “but I think you’d woo them if you wore this!”

Shinsou can’t help but groan, turning around with his arms raised, “I’m never asking for your help again!”

It’s a shirt he owns that has way more affectional value than anything else and he’s only keeping it because it was the going-away gift he got from the two younger kids at the foster home – they’d carefully picked it out in purple for him and wrapped it in the newspapers from prior weeks. They’d been so excited and jittery and sad and every other feeling Shinsou could imagine the day he moved to the dorms and the only time he’d worn the shirt was when he came to visit them one time during the winter holidays. He likes the shirt for what it symbolizes, containing the love and memories for him and he'll probably never get rid of it, however, he’ll be caught dead before he wears it for any other occasion.

It's a My Little Pony t-shirt.

And Shinsou doesn’t even know the name of the Goddamn horse on it, just knows that they had picked it because it matched his hair. He knows the implications of owning something like that and he rubs his eyes, feeling a headache arrive just from the thought of having to explain it to Kaminari. Why did he let Kaminari rummage his closet again? Kaminari’s laughing hysterically behind him and he’s got half a mind to ignore him until he hears the recognizable shutter sound from a phone camera, turning around as fast as he’s able as he’s ripping the shirt from his hands, “it was a gift,” he mumbles, sounding grumpier than he actually is to get the point across that Kaminari should leave it be. He hadn’t really… advertised his family situation to anyone but you and he isn’t in the mood for questions. Kaminari stammers out an apology and salutes Shinsou, before sticking his head back into the closet. Shinsou chuckles but lets him do whatever as he gently folds the shirt nicely, placing it by his hamper.

Kaminari settles on a sweater for him, ignoring the protests Shinsou’s got about temperatures. “I don’t want to hear it, bro! You look stunning in that sweater and it’s your night!” he argues back and the pat he was giving Shinsou on the back ends abruptly midway, as he realizes his mistake. “I mean! Uh! It’s just a regular night, of course! It’s just the first dinner for this semester, it’s nothing big!” Kaminari wheezes out in a panic and Shinsou decides not to let him suffer further, “don’t worry, I already know.”

Kaminari grabs his chest and sighs in relief, “I am so glad to hear that, my guy, I did not want to be the person who spoiled this.” And Shinsou decides not to snitch about who did. Though it’d have given him a funny story if he knew that you were the one who’d insisted on it being a secret.

As he sits down by the end of the table as the celebratory guest (he’s never felt this awkward or on display before), you go to him with a plate – it looks dubious at best, what’s on it, but Shinsou recognizes it to be Tentamadon – which he’d told you was his favorite dish once – or at least, it’s an attempt of it, if he’s to describe it more accurately. It’s charred and the smell isn’t how it’s supposed to be and the way you emit both embarrassment and disappointment makes him think that it’s your doing and his heart swells in his chest from the thought of you doing this for him. You put the plate in front of him and stammer out a half-hearted introduction and excuse for why it looks like it does. The whole class is sitting by the table too with bated breath, not entirely sure what to do – do they hurt your feelings or do they let Shinsou suffer through eating it?

Shinsou thanks you for the meal and digs in instantly, taking several bites before your hands go to his face, “Shinsou please, you really don’t have to eat it!” you try but as he swallows his bite he smiles at you, “it’s a bit different than what I’m used to but honestly, it tastes fine.”

Bakugou rises from his seat to yell at Shinsou, “it tastes and looks like shit, motherfucker! Don’t fucking lie!” walking up to him. You try to stop him and Shinsou looks at him calmly, “it tastes fine, no lie.” And the entire class goes pale because they’d all taste tested it for you, knowing that gunk on the plate was questionable – you were supposed to let it simmer but got impatient. You hold back Bakugou as he punches the table, “if I ever catch you lying to the pipsqueak you’re fucking dead, got that!?”

Shinsou simply takes another bite of the food while he keeps eye contact with Bakugou, “I’m not lying, Bakugou, I wouldn’t lie to my best friend.” Bakugou huffs, lets out a “fuckin’ good,” before going back to his seat. Kirishima stands up and tries to lighten the mood by introducing the rest of the food on the table, and everyone cheers and welcomes Shinsou once again, raising their glasses while nodding at him

You’re sitting out on the balcony when Shinsou comes out with a blanket, “you cold?” he asks and you shake your head – it doesn’t stop you from cuddling up to him though, when he sits down next to you. His hands clench at his sides but that’s the only noticeable reaction to your proximity.

“I’m sorry you had to eat that,” you sigh out after a comfortable silence and you hear him chuckle, “I’m really not lying when I said it tasted fine – my tastebuds are a bit messed up, so I go by textures and the texture was how it was supposed to be,” he reassures you and you scoff, “at least some part of it turned out right…”

Shinsou raises his hand from his side and squeezes the hand resting on your thigh and you tense up, “it was the best thing on the entire table.”

You want to dispute him; want to remind him that Sato had made an entire butter roasted chicken that was cooked to perfection and that Bakugou had served homemade Katsudon for 20 people without even breaking a sweat. He laughs and sucks in a breath, “you’re right, there was tough competition,” he teases and the way you lightly punch him makes him sigh out, “I appreciate all the food everyone made, but yours was still the best because you made it for me.”

That shuts you up. You’re not sure how to dispute that so you stay quiet, silently letting your hand travel to his that’s now resting on his own thigh, mirroring his action from before and he’s too nervous to say anything.

“Besides, the rice underneath were how they were supposed to be,” Shinsou adds in hopes it’ll comfort you but you groan, “Bakugou made the rice.”

You sit and suck in each other’s presence, both exhausted from the party tonight – half the class was playing Mario Party while the other was dueling in Ludo, of all things. Either way, the stakes were high inside and the peace and quiet of the outside – coupled with the comfortable temperature of a warm spring evening – puts you both in a lazy mood and Shinsou doesn’t even realize that his hand is caressing yours, his thumb brushing back and forth in a mindless pattern next to your wrist as he sneaks in a whiff of your shampoo.

He's looking forward to the future he’d dreamt of for so long, finally kickstarting his hero career properly and while he’d always believed he wasn’t there to make friends – maybe you and the rest of the chaotic class he’d become part of wasn’t so bad to have as company.

You’re in your bed with your head hanging from the edge, phone raised in your hands and legs propped up against the wall. Shinsou had just sent one of those Bitmoji pictures you could send in the chat, of his character saying goodnight to yours, tucked in a bed. You can’t help the smile that splays on your lips, laughing at his use of the Bitmoji things – though he’d assured you he’d never touch them even if you did make him one – well he’s eating his words, as his favorite pastime now, when you’re both too tired to think straight after long days, send them to each other and almost have a conversation through them – almost.

goodnight

i love you

You stare at the screen for a while, unable to lock your phone or close the app – you want to know the exact time he sees it. His little Bitmoji pops up in the corner to alert you that he’s in your chat and you hold your breath. He stays in the chat but isn’t typing and you feel a headache creeping it, maybe it hadn’t been the right time or place for this after all? His Bitmoji disappears and you release the breath. You’re about to leave the chat too when he comes back on and saves the message. You stay on and notice that he does this, leaving and entering a few more times and you end up snorting to yourself at him – you can’t help but imagine him panicking in his room right now. He starts typing a few times but leaves the chat or stops inter frequently and when he leaves the chat for well over 30 seconds, you’re about to let your phone lock itself automatically and put it on the bed in front of you. The screen goes dark and you’re instantly enveloped in the darkness of your room – your usual source of light, the string lights, needed new batteries – finally feeling calm enough to let out a big sigh. When your phone suddenly lights up again with Shinsou’s picture and ringtone you let out a surprised yelp and push the phone further away from you.

You take a deep breath before lifting it again, hovering above the answer button. You lift a knee as far as you’re able towards your chest and hide your face by your knee as you answer and put the phone to your ear, your heart beating out of your chest.

“Y-yeah?”

You squeak at your own tone of voice, embarrassed by the high-pitched sound – you feel like it’s way too obvious how nervous you are.

You chastise yourself for sounding so dumb, clenching the fist that rests on your other side. He says your name and sounds so breathless that you feel a shiver run down your spine. A silence follows where you’re unsure if he’s still on the line. You hear him clear his throat not once but twice before he speaks again,

“That last message.” He states, like a matter of fact but does nothing to follow it up afterwards and you get to draw four whole circles with your finger into your thigh before he speaks again, “was that… meant for me?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” you screech, trying to sound as casual as you can be, your hand slapping your forehead, reprimanding yourself for sounding like a timid mouse. You wince before opening your mouth again, effectively interrupting him without realizing it, “you’re my best friend and… I thought you ought to know already.” It’s the most confident you’ve sounded all week, you think.

“Oh.”

Oh.

That didn’t sound good, you thought, there goes that confidence. Your stomach drops and you let out a sigh, “I can… I can take it back if that… If I made you uncomfortable.”

“No!”

The volume of the word is so loud that you tear your phone away from your ear in shock, hearing him heave out a rather dramatic sigh, “it’s just. I’ve never…” he clicks his tongue, “I haven’t… tried… I-“ he interrupts himself with a loud groan, annoyed at himself for being unable to find the right words, “it’s just that I haven’t had any…” and he stops himself again as if he’s biting his tongue, biting back words he might regret and collects himself for a moment. He then clears his throat, “you’re really important to me too.”

The weight of his original words doesn’t go over your head though and your stomach drops even further at the realization of what they entailed. You aren’t unaware of his family situation or the bullying he’d gone through, you just hadn’t realized… how alone he’d really been, until this moment. When you don’t say anything he starts apologizing profusely and a smile is teetering on the edge of your lips as you try your hardest to ignore the way your hands are still shaking, “don’t apologize Shinsou! You loooooooove me,” you drawl out the last sentence and he groans, “stop teasing me.” You laugh at him before flopping down on your back, looking up at the ceiling where Shinsou had put up glow in the dark stars for you, after you’d seen them in the mall once, saying you’d always wanted to have those.

“I do,” he then says after a few seconds silence and you feel your own face heat up and your mouth go dry. Hearing him confirm it solidifies something in you that’d previously been an ocean, something stirring in you as you let out another nervous chuckle, “thanks,” is all you’re able to get out and he yawns.

“I should get to bed, I promised to go by the Support Department before classes tomorrow, they’ve made some tweaks to my bombs,” as you near the end of the sentence the excitement in your voice grows even clearer and Shinsou laughs, “you know, it sounds entirely unsafe to give a mess like you bombs.”

After some back and forth bickering to lighten the mood from earlier, you say your goodnights, and you both fall asleep with content smiles on your faces.

“Have you ever been in love?” Shinsou lowers the Hero’s News! Magazine he’s currently reading in the bed next to you to show he’s listening, turning his head towards you, “where’s this coming from?” he answers your question with another, making you click your tongue. He further lowers the magazine, hoping the shaking in his hands isn’t too obvious as he tastes his next words on his tongue, “I don’t think so. Have you?” he lies, lies through his teeth because if he had had the courage to say yes, he’d have to gather courage to tell you who it was as well – and he wouldn’t ever be ready for that, he decides as he keeps his eyes fixated on the ceiling. You hum as you pick on your nail polish – it’s purple, the same color and shade as Shinsou’s hair. “I mean, I had a crush when I was younger? I think?” you lay your hands down on your stomach, “could just be admiration or superficial though.” you finish, before you huff out a laugh and lay on your side, so that you face Shinsou – the close proximity almost making him choke. “It was Bakugou! In elementary school!” you look embarrassed as you try to laugh it off, resting your head on your arm. “Could just be his looks, though. He’s a pain in the ass,” you muse, starting to pick on the nail polish again. If Shinsou wasn’t six foot deep in his own brain about how your type of course had to be a guy like Bakugou – someone so far from himself, he’d have noticed the way you bit your lip and picked on the nail polish. You always did both things when you were incredibly nervous or anxious. A thick silence stretches out until you suddenly spring up and stretch your arms towards the ceiling, “I’ll be going down to make a cup of coffee, you wanna come?” you ask as you put on the hoodie you’d thrown on his floor earlier. Shinsou lets out a sigh of relief he wasn’t even aware he was holding in as he picks up the magazine again, “nah, my social battery’s low,” he states and you hum in understanding, “I’ll stop by when it’s dinnertime, then.” And as you close his door behind you, a sigh leaves you as your hand reaches for your chest. This is one of the first times you’ve ever lied directly to him and it pricks at your heart, the roots growing thorns as you try to justify it – it wasn’t fair to lie but it had been harmless right? Since his answer had been negative, it didn’t matter either way, right? You shake your head as to try and shake the thoughts out of your mind and walk towards the elevator to get to the common room.

It's the first of July and you’re in the common area’s kitchen, making a pancake batter. Next to you, Bakugou is yelling his head off about how you cracked the eggs wrong, you put in too much flour, you forgot to melt the butter and his reprimanding is never ending. You’re very aware that this is on you though, for asking him to help you out at 8AM on a Saturday. Half of your classmates are home for the summer vacation and while you are going home soon too, for a week or two, you’d insisted on staying for Shinsou’s birthday. Your aunt used to always make pancakes for you on your birthday when you were younger and you wanted him to feel special like that, too. As Bakugou’s once again yelling at you, this time for whisking it wrong you groan at him and hand him the bowl, “show me how, then!” you insist and he begrudgingly takes it from your hands before proceeding to whisk it so violently you’re not sure there’ll be any batter left.

“Dumbass, you gotta get the flour clumps out! They taste fucking terrible!”

You nod and start putting some of the ingredients back in the fridge, deciding that he’s probably the safest bet for a good batter. As you wipe down the counter, a voice makes both you and Bakugou turn your heads,

“What’s going on here?”

It’s Shinsou. Shinsou in an oversized shirt, a pair of joggers that hang dangerously low on his waist and the only reason you know that is because he’s currently got an arm inside his shirt, letting it ride up and reveal skin. You feel heat rise to your face as you run to hide Bakugou behind you – or more accurately, the batter in his arms. You momentarily get distracted by how groggy Shinsou looks – completely debauched and dazed, like he isn’t really awake yet. “Good morning!” you try and he laughs, a real lazy laugh with not much effort as he takes in the kitchen, “you’re making breakfast without me? You could’ve just woke me up,” he says and you swear you and Bakugou have never looked dumber than you do right now, all wide-eyed with raised brows.

“Pipsqueak, did you get the date wrong?” Bakugou whispers behind you and you turn around and yell “of course not! It’s July 1st and it’s his birthday today!”

You both freeze, Bakugou raising his head to the left to see Shinsou’s reaction behind you. You hear him chuckle and the fridge door close as you comically slow turn around to face him. He’s blushing but avoiding your gaze, a nervous smile on his lips as he scratches the back of his neck, “I don’t really… celebrate my birthday,” he gets out and Bakugou kicks your shin, probably as a reprimand for doing all this when he didn’t even want it. You click your tongue as your arms go to your hips, “that’s all well and good Shinsou but in that case, I wanna celebrate this day!”

“Why?” he looks at you in confusion but with a gentle smile still plastered on his face you’re reminded how soft he can be in the morning. “Because it’s the day my best friend got born – I’m glad you’re here, you know.”

You go in for a hug as you say the last part and Shinsou doesn’t struggle against it but stands frozen. In the background you hear Bakugou gag as he aggressively puts down the bowl, “I’m outta here then, all that’s left is cooking them, which your boyfriend can help you with.”

You sputter out a string of sounds, meant to be protests but coherent words fail to leave your mouth before he’s rounded the corner and left the kitchen.

“Even though I made enough for him as well, as a thank you…” you mutter weakly and Shinsou puts the kettle on while laughing at you, “I’m sure you can leave some in the fridge that he’ll crawl back and grab like a grumpy gremlin later.”

Making pancakes with Shinsou is chaotic, you’re disagreeing on how much butter there’s supposed to go on the pan but end up settling on Shinsou’s due to the argument that you’d rather want them a bit greasy than burned to the pan. More than once you forget them because you’re caught up in talking about something – boring things like classes and homework but also about TV shows and movies and even though you settled for extra butter, they still get burned. You save three of the best ones for Bakugou (since you’d probably never hear the end of it if you served him the burned ones) and put them in a wrapped plate with his name on it before putting them in the fridge.

“What if someone takes them? That isn’t him?” Shinsou asks and you look at him with a smirk, “as if anyone dares take anything with Bakugou’s name on it – he’d fry them.”

You set the table out by the balcony – the one in shade – and start eating.

“They taste amazing,” Shinsou says almost mechanically and you look at him with a raised brow, “I can tell when you’re lying.”

He chokes on a piece of pancake before gathering himself, “they really do!”

“there’s something off, though,” you try and he looks away, looking guilty, “oh my God, there is! What is it?”

Shinsou stabs the pancake a few times with his fork before he’s able to say it out loud, “…I actually don’t really like… pancakes.” You’ve never seen him look this guilty in his life and even though he just confessed, he takes another bite with vigor. You stand to reach for his plate from your side of the table, “don’t eat them when you’ve just confessed you don’t like them!” and effortlessly he grabs the plate with one hand and puts it back down in front of him, “but you made them for me and it’d be a waste, plus… they probably do taste great, if you like them.”

He says the last part with a glint in his eye and you groan at him before sitting back down, hiding your face in your hands, “everything we do today really is just for me, eh?” you complain. Shinsou chuckles and reaches a hand to yours, “thank you so much though,” he says genuinely and it sounds so heartwarming that you’re afraid of looking up, the place where you’re touching is burning as if you’re too close to the sun. As you finally look up at him, he’s sporting such a warm and glowing smile that for a moment you really do believe you’re next to the sun, blinded by the clear affection radiating off of him.

“Here’s your gift, happy birthday” you say meekly, handing the nicely wrapped present to him as you avoid his gaze. If you knew he wasn’t interested in celebrating his birthday, you wouldn’t have gone through all this trouble, you think.

Or maybe you would’ve anyway, since you can’t deny that you think he deserves the world and you’d been looking forward to celebrating him for so long now. You’d saved up for his present ever since he told you his birthday was in the summer – last fall. That’s when you’d fallen over the present as you’d been at the mall with your classmates.

Shinsou looks at the perfectly wrapped square with a matching ribbon. It’s not a big box by any means so he’s guessing you might’ve gotten him a keychain or something of that sort. He can feel the excitement rolling off of you in waves next to him on the couch and when he looks up at you again, there’s stars in your eyes as you urge him to open it.

He laughs at you as he carefully unpicks the tape, reluctant to ruin the wrapping paper even though he wouldn’t save it. A gasp escapes him as he gets a look at the box. It’s a leather box with a golden inscription. He doesn’t recognize the name but just from the feel of it, he’s well aware that this is expensive.

It’s not a keychain.

He clicks open the clasp and is met with a sleek, black ring. It’s thick with the edges being a matted silver. He looks up at you in disbelief and your childish wonder as your eyes asks if he likes the gift is almost making him groan because he could not accept this – no way in hell will he ever be able to repay you for this. His mouth opens and closes and he resembles a fish stuck on land – he feels he does that quite often when it comes to you, before a sound leaves him, though it resembles no words, only making it that much clearer that he’s downright flabbergasted. Before he gets anything more out, you close your eyes and yell, “before you say anything!”

You correct your volume before you continue, “I want you to have this! I know it’s probably way over budget for a friend gift but I want you to have it!” you repeat it with fervor, afraid to look at him in case he’ll still reject it. “If you feel bad about the price, don’t!” you add, your hands traveling to his that is still holding the box. You notice that he’s shaking a little bit, “my parents helped a bit…” you admit sheepishly and while he can’t explain it, it helps just a little bit – but not much. He closes the box again and is about to give it to you before you get up from the couch, “no, Shinsou! It's yours and that’s final!”

He can’t describe the look you give him but it’s got the ‘no bullshit’ attitude he often sees in Aizawa so he shuts his mouth and nods. You then kneel before him and open the box again, taking out the ring. He barely registers what you’re doing until you grab his hand to put it on him, “shit I hope it fits,” you mumble as you concentrate. It isn’t until it’s on him that you both seem to grasp what it is you look like right now. He blushes as he unintentionally rips his hand from yours and you stand up so fast you get dizzy.

You’re in Shinsou’s room, watching a random show. You can’t even name it if held at gunpoint because your focus is on something else entirely. Shinsou’s body is currently closer to yours than it’s ever been, his arm wrapped securely around your waist. He’s propped on his elbow so he can see the laptop screen too and every breath he releases sends shivers down your spine and goosebumps on your nape. Your body burns at every point of contact with his and you’ve been trying to even your breathing since the episode started but you’re failing miserably. Your heartbeat is over a million miles per hour and you’re convinced he can feel it, too – just because he’s quiet doesn’t mean he haven’t picked up on it. It’s the first time you’ve ever cuddled and it’s only because you had another late-night snapchat conversation where you’d been hit by some kind of insomniac bravery and sent a snap about needing cuddles last week. He’d countered about the heat of cuddling in summer and you’d replied that if it was in his room, it wouldn’t be a problem since he had A/C installed (as if every room didn’t have A/C).

As you try to focus your eyes on the screen at least, you’re sent right back to Rapid Heartbeat Land as he buries his face in your hair and asks, “you okay?”

Your eyes go to the hand on your waist and you spot the ring you’d put on his finger earlier, sucking in a breath, “just swell!” He chuckles, low and warm and you can feel the way his chest rumbles from it, the way his chest rises and falls and you have to hold back a gasp, “just tell me if you’d like to sit up instead, alright?” he says and you just nod, grateful he can’t see your expression from behind you. There’s nothing calm about it and you don’t want to freak him out or make him think you dislike being his little spoon – especially since it’s quite the opposite.

You spend the rest of his birthday like this and even though Shinsou’s arm has been asleep and prickling for at least two hours and he’s dead tired, thinks to himself that if he got attacked by a villain right now and his life ended, he’d die a happy man. Shinsou’s always tired, but never of you, he decides as he stifles a yawn and hugs you tighter.

Shinsou’s waiting down in the common area, unable to stand or sit still. Midoriya’s laughing at him from the couch where he’s playing Ludo with Uraraka and Iida, “I’m telling you Shinsou, it’s going to be fine!” he reassures the nervous wreck of a boy. Uraraka chimes in with a similar encouragement but Shinsou has already tuned them out merely because you’re coming into the room. You’re glowing and smiling as your step speeds up upon seeing him wait for you, “sorry for the wait!” you say as you go in for a hug. Summer vacation is almost over and you’re going to a festival together which, in Shinsou’s mind, feels like a date – ever since he had that thought, he hasn’t been able to stop the train of thoughts and implications of a possible date with you.

You smile up at him before raising your arm, “ready to go?” you joke, playing as a gentleman but he’s much too nervous to reply back with a bite.

When you arrive at the festival, Shinsou looks around with wide eyes. There’re so many lights that it seems the stars have fallen from the skies and landed on this spot of earth, illuminating the festival in an otherworldly glow – momentarily reminding him of the glow in the dark stars he’d hung up on your ceiling not too long ago.

He’s dragged around the different booths and when you eat Takoyaki together, he almost spills the sauce on the fancy dress shirt he’d borrowed from Kaminari because you’d insisted that he try one with lots of sauce on it. The evening is drowning in laughter and Shinsou’s having such a good time that he forgets to keep an eye on the clock. After winning you a plushie from a booth (it was more luck than skill, he reasons when he hands it to you) you walk around with a grin on your face for the rest of the evening. It isn’t until you’re resting on a bench that he feels tiredness grow in his bones. You take off your shoes for a second to massage them, tender from walking around all evening. A yawn escapes you as you come back up and rest your head on his shoulder, “should we go home?” he asks and you raise your head in alarm, “we can’t miss the fireworks!” you say desperately and he chuckles at the excitement written all over your face, “they always go all out! So it’s really beautiful, even if it is kinda noisy,” you smile and play with your fingers on your lap. He apologizes for daring to suggest going home early and you bicker back and forth until you get up and stretch your back, “let’s find a good spot!”

Admittedly, Shinsou doesn’t care much for fireworks – he’s not entirely sure you do either, but he respects the tradition. He imagines you as a child walking with your parents at these festivals you hold so dear and your pouty face by the game booths if you didn’t win, he imagines your eyes and the way they’d sparkle during the firework show. He takes another look at you as you hold the plushie in your arms – it’s a blue cat with an eyepatch. He thinks it’s supposed to resemble a Pro Hero but he can’t place it at all. You decided to call it Brainwave, like his hero name and it took him more than 10 minutes to will down the blush from that action.

You arrive to the grassy area where people watch the show and it’s so crowded that you grab onto Shinsou’s sleeve, guiding him through the masses. You originally wanted a place to sit but it’s so crowded that you settle for standing. Shinsou wants to thank you for a pleasant evening but he can’t really find the words – pleasant sounds too official and professional. He’s about to say something when the first firework shoots up into the sky and catches everyone’s attention, including yours. Instead of the fireworks though, Shinsou hurries to look at you.

And there you stand, admiring the fireworks. Shinsou thinks it’s cute, the way you slightly jump when they’re particularly noisy but still unable to tear your eyes away from the sky. You’re still hanging on to the sleeve of his shirt and if Shinsou was a brave man, he’d raise his arm and make you hold onto him, instead.

But he’s not, so he settles for the next best thing. The excitement in your eyes is evident, even though you’d looked so tired right before the fireworks show started. He notices the way you’ve done your hair just a little bit different than usual and the way your nail polish matches the rest of your outfit. He admires the slope of your nose, the cupid’s bow of your lips and the way your lashes flutter when you blink.

For a minute he’s so lost in you he barely notices the sensation of your hand gently sliding from his sleeve to his own hand, slotting so perfectly together, like they were made for each other, and he squeezes your hand instinctively before his mind can really tell him what he’s doing. It isn’t until you direct your attention to him, sending him a shy smile that he notices that his hand is sweaty and oh my God, it’s holding yours. He’s never ripped his hand away from anything so fast, embarrassed to the core that you had to feel his clammy hands but unfortunately his action sparks up something else from you and he can’t deny the twinge in his chest upon seeing the hurt flash in your face before you’re able to hold it back. “Uh, my-my hands were clammy,” he tries to say, wiping his hand on the side of his shirt – Kaminari’s dress shirt – before reaching out again, “that must’ve felt a bit nasty.”

The relief that washes over you is evident the second he reaches for you and you don’t spare a second before grabbing onto it again, “I like sweaty hands, you know.” You let out before a grimace comes onto your face, clearly embarrassed by that weird statement. Shinsou’s first instinct is to laugh and squeeze your hand, until he remembers that you’ve got a classmate whose entire quirk is sweating from his hands. Shinsou’s not an idiot, he can put two and two together. His grip on you loosens, but not entirely. He decides he still wants to hold onto you for now, just a little, even if you’d never be more than this.

Because how would he ever compare to someone who’s known you your whole life? He’d never catch up, even if he tried, the gap was too wide.

“Did the fireworks overwhelm you?” Shinsou looks at you in shock as you walk back towards the dorms together. “If they did, I’m sorry I insisted that we stay and watched them," you continued and Shinsou is trying to figure out where this is coming from. “There’s no problem?” he tries and bite his lip when your frustrated expression doesn’t change. “I’m sorry… you just seemed off, at the end. I thought we were having fun, but then it suddenly felt like… like you didn’t want to be there?” you end the sentence in a question to give him room to dispute it, to tell you how it really was. When he doesn’t say anything (out of confusion and embarrassment, mostly) you continue, “I just feel bad if the fireworks weren’t your thing and I kinda forced you to stay there.” Shinsou’s insides scream at him for making you feel this way, for being so caught up in his own emotions as to not to consider yours. So he grabs both of your hands and does his best to keep eye contact, “I’m sorry. I was… distracted. But I’m glad we watched the fireworks together.” He tries to smile and sound warm like you, but his voice has always been so gruff, so hoarse that he’s not sure he’s even able to sound warm, or if he just comes off as intense and foreboding. His apology seems to lighten your spirits though, a smile playing on your lips as you start swinging both of your hands side to side.

“I’m glad to hear that, because I had an amazing night, thank you.” you lean in to give him a kiss on the cheek and Shinsou short-circuits for 45 whole seconds before he can bring himself back to reality and act normal. You take your arms back and stretch them above your head, “my feet are busted though, can’t wait to sleep tonight.” Shinsou thinks your voice sounds just slight wobbly, but he’s not entirely sure if it’s the truth or just his mind playing tricks on him after you rewired his brain for the nth time during the year he’s known you.

School has started again, punching you all in the gut with internships and the like. Everyone feels like they’re struggling to keep up but no one admits it and the atmosphere becomes tense and thick with exhaustion all around you. Everyone holds on and try not to complain because this was, after all, their dream.

It makes Shinsou feel alienated. He still feels the gap between his classmates and him and keeping up to their tempo can be endlessly satisfying but more often than not leaves him exhausted – especially when it seems they’re all following suit just fine. Every hour during his internship is spent running, trying to pick up the pieces and keep up. So when the final day of internships are over, he naturally gravitates towards you. He barely has the energy to knock on your door so he just lets his head hit it and rest upon it as he drags his hand up and down in a scratching manner.

You slowly open your door with a curious look on your face, perhaps hoping it’d been a cat scratching to get in. When you see Shinsou, it does however feel like a cat has arrived. He’s fresh out of the shower and in comfortable clothes, leaning forward and almost falling into your arms when you’ve opened the door completely.

You expected him to arrive so you give him a hug and praise him for surviving his first real hero internship as you let your fingers run through his damp hair. He preens at the praise and tip his head to the side, like a cat enjoying scratches.

“You look like how I felt when I survived my first one,” you say while you gently drag him towards your bed – next to your bed, on your small table, a minor celebration is set up. Two canned coffees and a bag of potato chips. His eyes light up like your string lights when he spots your set up and he reminds you of a kitten being put in front a mountain of treats and toys. As he sits down you put a blanket around him before plopping down next to him, handing him a coffee.

You open them in unison again – it feels like you always do that – and raise them in cheers, congratulating each other for surviving. Shinsou feels off somehow but it’s probably due to fatigue so you decide not to push it.

He tells you of his experiences and as he goes into the territory of what he’s got yet to learn, you notice the first crack. It doesn’t take many sentences before his surface splinters and he’s hiding his face in his hands as heart wrenching sobs leave his form, hyperventilating on your floor.

Shinsou doesn’t like to be touched when he’s out of it so you go against your own instinct of wanting to embrace him and start breathing slowly but loudly, asking him to follow your breathing.

“I can’t-“ he gets out through hiccups and gets interrupted by another sob. He looks at you and the clear panic in his eyes hurts so you tell him what usually helps, “it’s okay Shinsou, it’s okay. I know it doesn’t feel like it but you’re amazing. You’re going to do amazing things and you’re not behind anyone. You’re so far ahead sometimes, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s okay.” You try to emphasize every okay that leaves your mouth and it seems to help – if only a fraction. You offer him to go lay in the bed and with shaky breaths he gets up with you and sits on the bed. He takes a deep breath before another sob leaves him and he looks at you, “I think it’d help… if-if you touched, today… I ca-.. I can’t c-calm down,” he says the last part between hiccups and you wipe the tears from his cheeks as you gently push him to lay down, assuring him you’ll be right there with him.

Shinsou runs hot during panic attacks but likes the comfort of being enveloped, so you grab the thin blanket he abandoned on the floor before crawling behind him, securely wrapping your arms around him, cooing into his hair between soft kisses. “It’s okay, Shinsou,” you say and his breathing slows and starts to resemble the one you’re demonstrating for him, only interrupted by sobs and hiccups once in a while. Your hand rubs gentle – and what you hope is soothing – circles into his waist, reminding him of your presence while your leg is lifted above his, effectively wrapped around him like a koala and substituting the weighted blanket that sits on his bed in his own room.

After he’s successfully breathed slowly for a few minutes, he opens his mouth, “I haven’t slept since my internship began… I think even seven hours the past week is high balling it,” he admits and you place another kiss on the crown of his head, “is there a reason?” you ask, though you have a feeling you know the answer – you mostly ask to give him room to open up. A sigh rips through him before he tastes the words in his mouth, “if I slept, I’d fall behind.”

Your hand squeezes his hip, “but you need sleep to function. What you’ve been doing is incredibly exhausting and part of being a good hero is also taking care of your body,” you remind him and he nods. You know he knows this but being reminded once in a while couldn’t hurt. “Wanna sleep a bit here? I can wake you when you need to go back,” you offer as your hand travels from his waist to one of his hands, intertwining your fingers.

After a few beats of silence he clears his throat, “will you keep playing with my hair?” you smile, knowing he had to gather his courage to ask that, so you suppress a giggle and rake your nails through it gently, “oh yeah definitely, your hair always smells and feels amazing.”

He’s glad you’re behind him since he can hide the blush adorning his cheeks. He momentarily gets paranoid that his ears are as bright red as his face but decides that if you ask, he can blame the panic attack. He wants to stay awake, though – you hadn’t had the chance to tell him of your internship and since you hadn’t had much time to talk through the week, he wasn’t sure how you were even doing these days. He’s about to ask about yours when a yawn rips through him, his eyes droopy and heavy. The last thing he feels is you placing a gentle kiss to his head again and his final coherent thought is that he wouldn’t mind if you continued to do so.

You know Shinsou’s fast asleep by now, his breathing even and deep. He’s even snoring a little bit and you giggle. You try to reach for your phone on your nightstand but he’s got you caged in. His grip on your arm is tight, and as you try to move away, he pouts and grips it harder. You snort at him and decide to spoil him a bit longer as you lie back down, squeezing him close to you.

You’d probably never be able to take the pain from him, to ease him and convince him that he’ll make it just fine – he’s a year behind and even with all his training, he’s painfully reminded of that at every corner. You know it’s not the right encouragement so you don’t say it out loud but sometimes you feel like you’re the one stumbling behind him. His dreams shine so brightly and his resolve is admirable. Besides being best friends, you’ve also become good training partners – since your quirks aren’t physical, you both need to really hone your martial arts and it’s been deliberating to have a partner who knows how to make your strength – and weaknesses – clear as you train.

You crane your neck, trying to get a look at his face. His facial features are soft, relaxed and the only movement is when his breath comes in and out. His bags seem almost non-existent here in the dark but you know they’re there, hanging under his eyes like weights. His mouth is slightly ajar and you’re guessing there’s most likely a drool trail on the underside of him and down on your pillow. You let your hand drag his hair back from his cheek, feeling the soft skin there and you can’t help yourself as your fingers continue to his nose, tracing it all the way down the slope. You’re seconds away from touching his lips too but realize what you’re doing as you retract your hand. Your hand rests back on his shoulder and you can’t help but notice how his upper arms have gotten bigger – at least since you last took a look at them. You can’t help but think about how far he’s come and how far you know he’s going to go. Pride swells in you as you start playing with his hair again as a way to distract yourself from the fact that you’re so close.

It's been a few hours of you contemplating him and how you could support him better when you feel his grip on you loosen – you take your chance and crawl out from behind him. As you see the clock on your phone, you’re reminded that it’s soon time to go back to your respective rooms and as you look down on him, you can’t help but click your tongue. It’s just not fair! He’s finally asleep and you know that if you wake him now, he’ll sink into his own head more as he returns to his own room and there he’ll be all alone.

You’re contemplating what to do and if there’s a way to avoid this but can’t really come up with an effective strategy except facing it head-on.

So here you sit, outside your door, feeling a bit silly after 10 minutes. It’s five minutes past curfew and you suspect that a teacher will show up any second now, telling you to get back inside your room – where Shinsou is. God, you really hope it’s Aizawa who’s at work tonight – your whole plan relies on that, actually. You’re about to unlock your phone and play some cheap game when you hear Aizawa clear his throat at the end of the hallway, walking up to you.

He says your name in a reprimanding tone and you move to get up, “you should be in your room,” he says and you straighten your back, “hear me out,” you start as you adjust your shirt, “Shinsou’s in there.”

Aizawa’s eyes widen but only for a fracture of a second before he eyes you again, “so?”

“He just finished his internship today and–” you begin and he interrupts you with his arms crossed in front of him, “I know.”

You give him an annoyed glare and realize this might be the first time you’re really giving him an attitude. “–He hasn’t slept – like, at all! He’s been so stressed and strung out and he finally fell asleep a few hours ago!” you’re not sure where your case's going and you curse yourself for not planning your arguments better. Aizawa just looks at you with a raised brow, “so?” he repeats but you have a feeling he’s more interested in the rest of your argument than to actually shut you down, “so what I’m trying to propose is, that you let him sleep there tonight.”

You’ve straightened your back again and with your hands on your hips, keep looking at Aizawa with all the confidence you can muster in hopes it’ll help convince him. He lets a hand run through his stubble as he looks around the hallway, obviously perplexed. Maybe there’s a chance he’ll actually say yes, you think and let yourself relax just a little – but not enough to look like you’re faltering.

“Look, I know about Shinsou’s insomnia, and I’m really glad he’s actually sleeping right now but–“ he sucks in a breath through his teeth and bites his lip for a moment as he contemplates his next words, “–not a word of this, to anyone, understood?” he’s pointing at you with a stern look and you can’t help the big smile that adorns your features, going in for a hug before you think about it, “thank you! I knew you really cared about him, too!” you exclaim before going for the door handle. Aizawa says your name firmly and when you look back at him, he’s wearing the smallest – but also caring – smile before repeating the deal.

“Got it, not a word to anyone.”

You enter your room again and lock the door behind you, letting out a relieved sigh as you realize how fast your heart is beating. You can’t really get your head wrapped around the fact that you actually convinced him to say yes. You walk over to your closet and grab your pajamas.

You’re about to let your pants drop to the floor in the middle of the room before you remember that Shinsou’s there. Technically, he’s asleep and won’t see you or even know you did it but you feel weirdly embarrassed as you make a beeline for your bathroom to change and brush your teeth.

All right, now you just have to… go back and sleep next to Shinsou, in your bed, all through the night – naps weren’t unheard of between you but you’d actually never slept through a whole night together. All right, it couldn’t be much different, right?

The tiredness you felt as you had brushed your teeth has evaded you as soon as you’ve climbed back behind Shinsou. Just as you had resigned to your fate of nervously cuddling him while falling asleep, he turned around in his sleep and wrapped his arms around you while mumbling out your name, his voice hoarse from the crying earlier and so, so sweet. His warmth encapsuling you as you feel his breath fan over your collarbone, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

Yeah, it’s safe to say you did not get proper sleep that night.

“Have you ever kissed someone?” you’re biting your lip as you avoid the confused gaze he sends your way from the other couch in the common area. You’re the only two currently, Jirou leaving mere minutes ago with the instruments you’d been playing with for the past hour. Shinsou with a guitar had steered something in you – listening to him trying to sing along with his newly acquired skill to play Leaving on a Jet plane by John Denver mostly correct had made your heart rate pick up so fast that you were momentarily worried you might have a heart condition. The concentration on his face certainly had to do with the multitasking required by playing and singing at the same time but it only heightened your rather… romantic sentiments towards him and you couldn’t hold back the question that’d been burning at the back of your mind the past week. He massages his hand, most likely aching from the chords he was still learning to get right. “What’s up with you?” he asks back, “there’s been a lot of… inquiries to my romantic endeavors the past few weeks.”

You don’t mean to get distracted by the way his voice sounds hoarser, a lower timbre than you’re used to him using around you – but he just sounds so… good like that that you can’t help the butterflies batting all the way up to your ribcage. You sharply inhale to ground yourself and lift your feet up underneath you on the couch, “guess we’re just at that age?” you try to laugh but you sound so nervous that you have to hold yourself back from biting your own fist in embarrassment from even starting this conversation with him.

If you dared to look up at him at this moment instead of being harsh on yourself, you probably would’ve noticed how intent his gaze currently was … on the window. So you decide to lay your confession first, in hopes that it’ll fish his out of him.

“I’ve never kissed anyone.”

All Shinsou does is nod as he says, “cool to know, cool to know…” tapping a rhythm with his fingers on his thigh and you’re about to yell out because the embarrassment that was the entire situation is almost too much to bear, “I haven’t, either…” the silence stretches for a while as you process the information, “kissed anyone… that is.”

You can’t help but laugh out loud at the fact that he had to confirm that the subject was still on kissing and not moved to something else, like whether or not you’d ever owned any fish. Shinsou’s face lights up and matches the color of Kirishima’s hair and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him look this distressed. Belatedly you realize he might be thinking that you’re laughing at him for never having kissed anyone, so you kill your laughter by coughing into your elbow, “I’m so sorry Shinsou I didn’t mean to…” you try and he laughs awkwardly, almost painfully. “I didn’t laugh about… I mean, I haven’t kissed anyone either, right? So why would I make fun of that!” you try, “what I laughed at was… oh my God, it’s not even funny,” you realize mid-sentence and hide your face in your hands. You groan as you lift your head and gather the courage to look at his face again, “I didn’t laugh about the fact that you haven’t kissed anyone.” You say it so there’s not doubt what you meant and Shinsou, with his raised eyebrows, nods at you and looks at you as if you’re an idiot.

“I forgive you?” he tries, ending it like a question because he’s not sure where you’re going with this exactly. You jump up from the couch like a stiff board and look at him, “want coffee?”

So here you stand, next to each other in the kitchen. You’re waiting for the water to finish boiling, hip to hip. Your coffee cups are ready in front of you, the instant coffee already meticulously put in the cups to each of your likings and it isn’t until he gets the milk from the fridge that you realize you’ve made each other’s coffees. You’re not sure whether or not to comment on this until he puts the milk closest to you, so you can pour it into the cup you’re preparing – which is his.

You’re about to say something when the kettle makes a beep sound, indicating it’s finished. Shinsou grabs it and gently pours the hot water into the cups, stopping where he knows you want him to and for a moment you’re hypnotized by watching him make coffee. It’s almost gentle, the way he circles the kettle to properly blend in the grinded coffee, pouring softly and with attention to it. Your eyes travel to his hands, currently with fresh wounds on his right knuckles from Heroics Class two days ago where he had to fight Kirishima in a ‘rescue the civilians from the villain’ training scenario.

Your hand reaches out before you can think and your fingers gently prod on the wound – you expect a wince or other reaction similar to that but instead it’s dead silent, his grip only tensing around the kettle. You retract your hand and apologize profusely to which he laughs, “they don’t hurt, don’t worry. And I take care to clean them every night,” he adds the last part and you smile at him – as Shinsou was getting used to being in the Hero Department, it’d also meant getting used to more bruises. While first aid was covered during first year of the Hero Department, it wasn’t exactly part of the curriculum for the General Department – at least, not to the same extend. So you’d taken it upon yourself to teach him the robes, puffing out your chest – so excited to finally be able to teach him something. He’d been your favorite (and only, he kept adding) student and even though you already spent all your time together, it felt nice to sometimes have a reason.

You drink your coffee in mostly silence, sitting on each of your phones. He’s scrolling through Hero News and you’re playing one of those stupid puzzle games, stuck on level 342. The atmosphere is calm and the awkwardness from before seems to have dispersed like invisible dust – only visible in the right sunlight or circumstance. You spare him a glance once in a while, smiling to yourself.

Shinsou’s standing in his room, controlling his breathing. It’s Sunday evening and you’re coming back to the dorms in an hour or so. You’d gotten called home Friday, getting permission to leave school grounds due to a family related issue – before you got picked up, you weren’t sure what was going to happen or why you were called home but assured Shinsou you’d be back Sunday. You’d texted him 45 minutes ago that dinner was over soon and you’d text him when you were on the way.

Shinsou hasn’t heard from you all weekend and he’s been nervous about it – the only thing he got was a snap, to keep your streak alive – but most of all he’s worried about you. Kaminari and Sero are sitting on his bed, propped up against each other, “I know that you’re nervous bro, but I promise it’ll be fine!” Sero tries for the nth time though it does nothing to quell Shinsou’s worry. Kaminari makes an agreeable noise as he plays on Sero’s switch – he’s not being a very good friend right now, he knows – but to his defense, Shinsou had been pacing like this since lunch.

Saturday was movie night at the dorm and the movie was some romance movie Shinsou didn’t even know the name of, but he’d sat with eyes wide and mouth hanging open – multiple times did he have to be reminded to close it. He was completely mesmerized by the fact that the plot of the two almost-lovers reminded him awfully much of his relationship with you – and it’d ended happily in the movie. After it was made obvious that he was definitely going through something, Kaminari had teased him and yelled out “how many here thinks Shinsou’s got an honest shot with them?” since you weren’t there anyway – and everyone had agreed that all he had to do was confess. The only people who hadn’t ‘voted’ in that impromptu election was Bakugou, who was busy on his phone and Shinsou tried not to think too hard about that, deciding that he probably wasn’t even listening. Alright, so all he had to do was confess? Shoot his shot?

Easier said than done.

You’d texted that you were on your way back and had to talk with him when you got there. He feels like his heart is beating out of his chest as he shoos his friends out of his room before walking to yours. He figures he might as well wait for you there, right?

When you arrive Shinsou straightens his back and tries to hold back the big smile he’s currently sporting – he’s not interested in scaring you away so he contains himself as best as he can. You’re looking pointedly at the ground and haven’t even spotted him by your door yet so he lightly jogs to meet you halfway.

He says your name in a gentle tone and the shock that’s written on your face surprises him and he raises a brow at you. You hurry to school your expression, trying to remain neutral. “What’s wrong?” he asks and you motion for your room with a sharp inhale and a nervous click of your tongue.

As you enter your room Shinsou closes the door after you and lets you get comfortable on the bed before he joins you. You don’t look all too happy and he’s worried something terrible has happened. He sits down and takes your hand in his, repeating his question, “what’s wrong?”

You start crying as soon as he squeezes your hand, unable to look him in the eye.

“I’m moving to Europe in a few weeks.”

message me here to join the taglist and once again, thank you for reading!

#boku no hero academia #bnha #bnha x reader #shinsou hitoshi x reader #shinsou x reader #shinsou x you #genderneutral reader #disabled reader #multichapter bnha #nohr.writings #inked coffee fanfic #shinsou fluff #mha x reader #shinsou hitoshi fluff #my hero academia x reader #nohr.writing

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ootahime · 3 years

Text

analyzing every gojohime moment in the manga p2

part 1 is here :3

this post includes more excruciatingly long paragraphs so grab urself something and enjoy LOL

chapter 40

i know they’re not interacting in this panel but i still want to bring it up. i’m gonna give some context to this scene in case someone needs to jog their memory. so basically, mei’s ability to command crows is what allows the staff to observe the students from afar. however, gojo notices that there’s lack of footage where yuuji is and asks mei why that’s so. she tells him that they’re animals at the end of the day so she can’t control what they look at. he doesn’t believe her so he asks her whose side she’s on (for yuuji’s execution vs against yuuji’s execution) to which she responds with, “whose side? i’m on the side with money, of course. there’s no value in something that can’t be bought since you can’t exchange that for money.” in other words, she’ll always choose the side that offers her more money because she doesn’t care about how morally “correct” or “incorrect” something is. it’s not worth fighting for a cause that doesn’t benefit her in the long run which is why she views things that are unable to be bought (friendships, relationships, favors) as useless - they can’t be exchanged for money. it’s clear that gojo knows she’s not on his side because he replies with, “spoken from experience!” or “i wonder how much!” (translation varies). he says it out loud to perhaps let gakuganji know that he’s onto him. i find it interesting how utahime is in the panel as well with a “?” to express her confusion at his words. let’s overthink dissect that. why is she there in the first place? if the message was to let gakuganji know that gojo is aware of his ulterior motives then a panel with gakuganji and gojo would have sufficed. why add utahime with a question mark?

here’s a personal headcanon of mine that makes no absolute sense, but who cares? it makes me happy LOL. so let’s examine the panel. gojo’s face is more simplified and cartoonish with a grey background on top and some sort of white bubble surrounding the three characters. gakuganji is staring at utahime and gojo. in the official viz translation, he replies to mei with, “i wonder how much!”

normal and logical explanation: shading the principal by asking out loud how much mei was paid by him to avoid monitoring yuuji.

gojohime brainrot explanation:

mei: “there’s no value in something that can’t be bought since you can’t exchange that for money”

gojo: (in response) i wonder how much utahime’s love would cost if it did have a price.

utahime: ?

you’re probably thinking i’m delulu (true) BUT HEAR ME OUT. IT WOULD SOMEWHAT MAKE SENSE IN THIS CONTEXT...

mei’s saying seems to be what she lives by. relationships, love, friendships, etc. do not matter to her as this is evident when she ultimately abandons everyone in shibuya to escape to malaysia, selling all her stocks before japan’s economy goes down. she doesn’t care about anyone else. she even takes advantage of ui ui’s adoration for her. she contrasts utahime. utahime is loved by her students. children, especially teenagers, are picky when it comes to choosing the adults they admire and respect. while everyone trusts gojo, they do not respect him because of his childishness and overall absurdity. it’s refreshing to see how they always call him an idiot or have a -_- face when he’s around. when akutami says everyone absolutely adores utahime-sensei, it says a lot. we haven’t seen her interact with her students all that much, but she’s obviously close to them because she’s frequently arguing with momo. even a closed off person like mechamaru wanted to keep her away from danger. she most certainly expresses a lot of concern and care for her students, and gojo and her students can pick up on this.

i’ve talked about this in every post LOLOL but there’s a reason why he went to utahime first to help him investigate. utahime is a loyal person through and through. she would never do something that harms the students even if she was offered everything in the world. she values relationships above everything else. besides her concern for the students, how else was i able to come to this conclusion about her character? well, she got shoko to stop smoking because she was worried about how it might damage her friend’s health. from these two details, it’s obvious that she’s the complete opposite of mei.

maybe that’s why he calls her weak. she’s too selfless and compassionate in a world where every sorcerer is for themselves. the world is cruel as a sorcerer. no matter how hard you try to fight, in the end, you’ll always die alone. remember his talk with megumi after the baseball game? after witnessing megumi pull a sacrificial bunt to help his teammates advance, gojo has a talk with megumi about his attitude and potential. he says that being selfless and caring about others is not a bad thing, but in a world like this, where people always die alone, he is wasting his potential by being concerned with others. it’s okay to be selfish. this is why we see fierce independence in a lot of the sorcerers like mei, nanami, and gojo. they each have their own reasons as to why they work alone, but it’s still a common characteristic. i feel like utahime doesn’t have a selfish bone in her body. i speculate that her selflessness is the exact reason why she is being held back. during her mission to exorcise a grade 1 spirit by herself, the final task before being promoted to grade 1, she likely got distracted trying to help civilians out of danger and failed her mission. he’s right when he says she doesn’t have the guts to be the traitor, utahime doesn’t have it in her to do something so boldly solely for her own benefit.

after this long tangent, how does this relate to your headcanon, ootahime?

as you know, love is not transactional. you can’t pay someone to love you. what if gojo is asking himself how much it would cost to buy her love. hence, her confusion because she is oblivious to what he really means. it could be probable because gakuganji is observing not only gojo, but utahime as well. so what gojo says must involve her too, right?

or she could just be confused because his words seem out of place because she is unaware of what gakuganji is doing behind everyone’s back. that explanation makes sense for viz’s official translation but it doesn’t make sense when he says, “spoken from experience!” because his words make sense in that context. he’s basically saying that mei’s beliefs must be based on her past experiences so he understands why she feels this way. that’s an appropriate response to mei’s statement so i don’t see why utahime would be confused by this. unless i’m interpreting this whole scene completely wrong. in that case, whoopsies!

let me know if you’re confused because i’m willing to clarify. idk why but i found this really difficult to explain. maybe because i’m reaching so hard haha

chapter 40

he finds any way he can to tease her. they seem like a married couple watching a movie or something. does he take pride in being the only person she doesn’t get along with? i mean, she says it herself so he is aware she thinks he’s annoying, but he keeps picking on her anyway. he doesn’t even pick on his enemies this much LMAOOO i think the only other person he likes to make fun of is gakuganji but he does so because he doesn’t agree with his views. with utahime it’s different. he trusts her a lot and even looks out for her.

chapter 44

why are there two separate instances of gakuganji observing utahime and gojo’s interactions from afar? nah i’m just playing. he’s just looking because he’s concerned she’ll run into the semi-grade 1 curse he had for yuuji. OKAY BUT I NOTICED SOMETHING KINDA CUTE? whenever utahime says something suddenly, he always has those 3 little triangles near his head. it’s like he’s thinking, “oh! utahime is speaking, i must listen <3″ look at his face too. he’s looking at her like :O

this is also an example of her showcasing her concern for the students in front of gojo. i feel like he questions why she’s so caring because if it were him, he would have left the student to figure it out themselves. i really wonder how she would react if he answered her truthfully when she asked what he’d do if she were the traitor.

chapter 45

there’s not much to say here...they’re just cute. i know it’ll never happen but i’d like to see them fight side by side one day. i’m aware that gojo works best alone but i just want to see how they’d work together, okay? 😔

chapter 45

see the little triangles on his head again? UGH SO CUTE.

chapter 45

IS THIS NOT INTENTIONAL??? they share the same thoughts. he even finished her thought. mannnnnnnnnnnnn what is akutami doing? giving us false hope and stripping it away just for fun? making them work so well together for what??

chapter 52

cute how he looks out for her. i have nothing more to say LOL

chapter 53

notice how they’re sitting across from each other? HEHE

chapter 53

yet another instance of her caring for her students in front of gojo. in the anime she has the cutest expression when she says she’s glad the students are safe. i bet gojo saw that too. i also bet that she looks prettier from his point of view.

extra

from the manga and light novels, gojo and utahime are the ones that talk about sports the most. he most definitely chose baseball to cheer her up. it’s not a coincidence people!

i feel like i had a lot more to say but i completely lost my train of thought while writing this, especially with chapter 40. i’m once again writing this at 4 in the morning LOL........ please please please add on or share your thoughts! thank you for reading and sorry for any mistakes.

#gojohime #gouta #gojo x utahime

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sneezemonster15 · 3 years

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I am new to Naruto fandom. Even newer to SNS fandom. I observed the shipping wars, and frankly, participated in it a couple of times. Just to see what it's all about. And I have come to one conclusion.

It's bonkers how far one will go to convince oneself about one's shipping whether it makes sense or not. At the end of the day, it becomes not really about the content itself, but one's comprehension and understanding of content. Which helps me understand why SS, NH, or NS stans exist. Their projection (which it certainly is) almost seems delusional and definitely inconsistent with the content itself.

When I first started watching Naruto, I wasn't aware of Naruto fandom. I am a cinephile and I am used to analysing content involuntarily while I am watching it. I wasn't expecting much from Naruto, I definitely underestimated it and wasn't expecting any emotional impact given it was shonen and I am very hard to please (yes, I am a film elitist). But as I kept watching it, I had to grudgingly change my opinion. By the time I reached Shippuden, I could tell that I was almost fevered with excitement and looking forward to more emotional impact.

I didn't watch it with any romantic lens, I was mostly interested in the fighting sequences initially. Hell, that's all I was expecting from a shonen show about ninjas. But at the end of vote 1, I was like, hmmm. What?? This was so emotionally wracking. Are they really just rivals, or friends? Now, I am a fully fledged cinephile and have watched a lot (a. Lot.) of LGBTQ films, given my interest in shows about emotional and sexual repression. And throughout my first watch of the first part, I kept picking up on the subtle sns moments without actively thinking about them. I was really into the story and wanted to see what will happen next. But at the end of vote 1, I had to stop and think, wait what, are they in love with each other? They are definitely not just friends. Or rivals. The language of their interaction in vote 1 is so fraught with underlying currents of repressed emotions that it just made the cinephile in me ask, what am I watching exactly? Like isn't it shonen (I am also relatively new to anime/manga) where gay relationships are a strict nono? Like why does it have all the tropes of repressed homosexuality in men, just like all the films I had seen. The way Naruto and Sasuke constantly gravitate to each other, their interactions at times feel like a borderline attempt at just staying close to each other, their violent, strong feelings and devotion for each other (land of waves arc) and then denial of those feelings (after the land of waves arc), their contant physical fights for no apparent reason, Sasuke goading Naruto for no apparent reason especially when Sasuke is not the type to talk without reason which had been made abundantly clear. Sometimes, it literally felt like he was flirting with Naruto (during the chuunin exams) while rejecting Sakura. Sasuke constantly appears to be caring and attentive towards Naruto while treating Sakura like trash. This was even acknowledged by Naruto who asks Sasuke to be nicer to Sakura. But Sasuke doesn't even think about it. He instead flirts (?) with Naruto. It made me think, why did the writer choose to do that? Why make it clear that in hierarchy, Sasuke keeps Naruto much higher than Sakura, so early in the show (when there hasn't been so much development either, we were mostly shown how they keep fighting and arguing with each other)? If they are supposed to just be comrades or friends, why pinpoint this? Why use this trope at all if it's about friendship, especially in a show that can't include a gay relationship.

And this kept happening consistently. The writer made the interaction between Sasuke and Naruto to be major turning points in the plot. Vote 1 fight made it clear to me that there was something more going on, but I didn't want to be presumptuous, so I kept it on the side and kept watching.

After watching Shippuden, I was convinced that none of it, was accidental. The writer painstakingly wrote a gay love story and was even obvious about it in a very clever way. Like he fucking got away with writing a gay love story in shonen. I know Naruto is basically a kids' show meant for entertainment purposes, but it touched so many important, dark and adult themes. I knew that it would be difficult for the writer to actually give a proper conclusion to these themes because they really aren't that black and white or even appropriate for children. So I wasn't surprised that he couldn't actually show peace being achieved after the war arc or slavery abolished in Hyuuga clan.

But one thing I was sure of. He wanted to show a gay love story, maybe out of a twisted sense of humor, I don't know. But that's what he did. He could not have made it clearer. He flagrantly used all the related tropes, visuals, sound, dialogues, hell the story. The fucking story...

He was so shrewd about it too. He made it so that people can take away whatever they wanted to take away from it as long as there was some plausible deniability about things that weren't made clear in the show itself. That fucking minx! But he knew that anyone who watches shit carefully, will be able to see what he actually did. He knew that at least some of us will be able to connect the dots. He went out of his way to make sure we connect the dots. There is no other way to explain why Sasuke repeatedly kept asking Naruto why he cared for him so much. There's no other way to explain why he concluded everything with the dialogue where Naruto explains that he hurts when Sasuke does. There's no other way to explain why that affected Sasuke to such an extent. Kishimoto went out of his way, like seriously, to tell the audience that they are Not just 'friends'. He basically used this friend thing with so much saturation and intent in such a twisted way that he made it into something else entirely. In that sense, the concept of 'friend' changed its meaning. Like you can try, but you can't change my mind about it.

Whether I approve it or not, but my takeaway from content depends mostly on the content itself. I do believe that more often than not, the simplest explanation is the right one. And this applies to the phenomenon of Naruto as well. Of course, as a viewer, I can't ignore that my suspension of belief relies on my own understanding of the external world and how I perceive visual language. But that is something that happens anyway, in tandem with consuming the content, while I was pretty much consistently objective about it.

I believe I have a pretty good understanding of how cinematic language works, and I know every creative or narrative choice has a reason and meaning behind it. Absolutely None of it is random. Cinematic language may not be universal in terms of styles, but all the styles definitely have a common ground. And any creator worth his salt knows it, he knows how his content will be perceived and what it is exactly that he wants to show or say. Do not delude yourself that it was accidental or on a whim.

I know for a fact that Kishomoto wanted to show a gay love story. I know for a fact that he wanted to show that Sasuke has feelings for Naruto and he knows it. He also wanted to show that Sasuke not only had feelings for Naruto but also knew that he couldn't show them openly. He wanted to show that Naruto has feelings for Sasuke as well but is confused and naive, like he is about so many other things. He wanted to show us that Sasuke is not into Sakura, that he doesn't even respect her. Any enthusiast of visual/cinematic language and narrative can tell all the above things without going into headcanon or deluded explanations (like SS, NH stans), with just on the basis of content they consumed.

At the end of the day, I don't ship SNS because it's in my head. I was forced to see and believe SNS by the creator. Not forced literally but forced to notice and acknowledge the emphasis and meaning of the twisted/manipulative ways of the creator.

Kishimoto, hats off to you, you sly bastard. You succeeded in trolling people endlessly, you had a lot of fun pitting people against each other, didn't you? Hahahahaha. Well, I call your bluff/or non bluff in this case since you obviously knew what you were doing.

#narutomanga #narusasu #naruto #sasuke #sasunaru #sns #shippuden #shippudennaruto #naruto shippuden #sasunarusasu

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youngcollectedtired · 3 years

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Class 1-a x New Student Reader

I wrote this to go along with a quirk I made for myself. I'd already made a quirk for a character who's gonna be paired with Kirishima so this is basically just if I was in MHA. It's still an x reader so enjoy. This story is mainly for fun and practice so I can get to know the class 1-a characters for my newest book. It may or may not turn into an actual book.

I just wanna say if I could draw this would probably be in a comic book. But I cannot draw so here we are. Also I haven't read the manga

Warnings? Mineta being a perv

Pairings? Possibly Sero or Todoroki or Shinso... or literally any of the guys I'm in love and i have a problem

Part 1/?

Quirk? It's complicated but based on the chronic illness called Lupus

You'd heard rumors about how easily Class 1-a attracted trouble. This made you feel better about yourself, but it also made you feel bad. You too had your fair share of trouble run ins. Being sister to the leader of the league villains left you with many watchful eyes in the underground world.

Few heroes knew of your relation and even fewer knew of your quirk. Your mentor, Hawks thought the safest place for you to be was UA. Yes, they'd had a run-in or two with villains, but because of it, they were the most capable to defend and fight with you. And Eraserhead it seemed was a great teacher, maybe he could help you learn to control it.

It was false hope, you knew that. Still, you were excited to meet your new classmates.

"Alright, class we've got a new student. Today's morning lesson will be replaced with you helping her settle in and getting to know her," you could hear Mr. Aizawa's voice from the hallway. He sounded bored and tired almost, but you assumed that was just his nature.

You heard excited chatter and that caused the nerves to worsen.

The principal Mr. Nezu smiled, "Don't worry they’ll like you."

You nodded your head, your fingers pulling at and adjusting your tie. You liked the school uniform, the skirt was shorter than you thought it would be that was an easy fix. Knee-waisted white socks with two red stripes on the top made you feel better.

The door opened and you entered. Aizawa barely glanced at you before nodding to Principle Nezu, "I'm leaving her in your trusted hands." You could hear the door attempting to close behind you which forced you forward. You felt every eye on you.

"This is Y/N L/N," he gestured to you. You'd forgotten your last name was changed, the Tomura sure to drag attention.

You bowed deeply.

"Hello, sorry to barge in your class. Nice to meet you."

You could hear whispers and you unconsciously touched your white horn, one on another side of your head. They were filed down to about two inches, still noticeable in your curly hair. You knew the grey streaks in your hair and in your eyes would cause many questions.

A boy with green hair raised his hand quickly, "What's your quirk?" He asked his eyes sparkling it seemed like.

You bit your lip but before you could answer Mr. Aizawa cleared his throat, "You're all dismissed. I expect her moved in by lunch, you have combat training this afternoon."

A girl with pink hair and yellow horns shook her fist excitedly, "YES! Feels like forever since we've had a lesson like that." Everyone stood up, while Mr. Aizawa slumped into his seat his eyes closing as he rested his head on his desk. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.

"Don't worry, he does that a lot. I'm Uraraka," one of the girls said and you immediately put her name to her face.

"Nice to meet you," you beamed.

"She's so cute! I'm Mina," the girl with pink skin and yellow horns yelled excitedly.

"Hi! Thank you," you bowed slightly, causing her to shake her head wildly, "Don't bother we're all the same here! I'll introduce you to everyone."

On the way to the dorms, you found easy ways to remember everyone. Somehow each name fit a person. Plus you'd recognized a few people from the sports festival. You were thankful none of them asked personal questions, instead they choose to get to know you on the surface.

"Is your hair naturally that color?" "Yes, it changed its color when I was 6." "Do you play any instruments?" "Kind of, but I can paint better!" "Are you a good fighter?" "I'd like to think so but I guess we'll see this afternoon."

You also began to piece together the groups of close friends, the rivals, and even those who shared certain hobbies or hardships.

"You look nice in a skirt," Mineta complimented a smirk on his face, his mouth-watering. You knew his intentions, still glaring at him seemed to do nothing until Bakugo stepped in front of him his hand filling with small puffs of smoke.

"Thanks," you mumbled as you adjusted your skirt attempting to pull it down.

Bakugo let out a gruff, "Whatever," and joined his group of friends' hands tucked in his pocket.

"Sorry about him," Tsu stepped up next to you, "Mineta is our resident pervert. Be careful around him."

You nodded in thanks.

Your room had most of your bigger things moved in, you figured that was Hawks doing. On your bed were a few pictures clipped together with some picture frames, and journals.

The only thing you had to do was hang your clothes up, fix your desk and put your pictures up. The girls all volunteered, the boys cleaning around the dorm to make you feel more at home.

You hid the pictures figuring you'd go through them later tonight. Besides, being pictured next to a number 2 hero would definitely turn some heads.

"Your Japanese is good but it doesn't sound like your first language," Momo began as the girls made their way down to the common room, "What is your first language?"

You chuckled, "You're very observant, my first language was English, then Japanese, and then Russian," you explained.

Cue excited boys and curious girls.

Denki grinned, "Wow how did you learn?!"

Before you could answer, the bell rang the dorm common room almost seemed to shake. You decided it was only because it was your first time hearing it.

"Come on Dunce face, you'll get your answer at lunch," Bakugo grunted the first to make his way towards the doors leading out of the dorms.

No one argued with him food also on their minds and stomachs.

I hope I can fit in well, you thought to yourself grateful for Mina and Uraraka both of them explaining different things to you. Whether or not you knew what they were you were happy all the same.

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kitsunefyuu · 2 years

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Fantranslation MHA 362

Time to look at the actual fan translation I’ll be taking the words with a grain of salt but the images are clear and crisp. Putting it under read mores because graphic.

Such an epic move Plasma Canon but-

AFOMURA SOUNDS SO MAD AND DONE WITH THEM. He like did you SERIOUSLY try to ONE SHOT ME?! THAT IS IT!? ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL!?

He sounds so fucking offended and pissed.

AND BAKUGOU JUST DON’T STAY DOWN! HE KEEPS FIGHTING DESPITE HIS INJURIES.

And Jeanist as well as likely freaking out- My husband also came in to see this and his reaction is, “OH shit is Bakugou dying?” With the most INTERESTED tone I ever heard from him.

That I laughed a bit like this is what catches your interest??? But it also because he like, its fine in comics death can be quite cheap.

asdffgh I love my husband, he definitely going to catch up it seems.

But also Bakugou is REALLY COOL! Seriously you guys aren’t appreciating the fact he isn’t going down without a fight. He is trying his damn hardest like this is badass.

Mother fucking Bakugou is earning my respect in this chapter more then any other chapter.

HE LITERALLY HURTING HIMSELF APPARENTLY. It like his sweat is exploding all over.

.....His quirk is killing him. He is basically having every part of his body exploding with each quirk movement.

All for One is being incredibly triggered and upset. It almost out of character then we see it because Bakugou reminds him of the Second user.

The very one that took his little brother away and started the resistance against him. And it sends him into a rage to kill Bakugou for real.

ASDGH and then it... A moment of life flashing before your eyes.

;;; Baby boy. This is the first time I had an elicit emotional response to Bakugou because in this moment it like...

He just a kid. This is a very simple and innocent thought any young teen or kid would think of about their hero.

That heart was PIERCED it ruptured likely from the pressure of his explosion and Shigaraki hitting it. This quirk likely caused this as a consequence since all the sweating caused a built up that was trying to escape.

The fact there was such a severe draw back that no one could have ever known of considered is terrible.

THEY ALL TRIED TO SAVE HIM. THEY ALL RAN IN, YOU CAN SEE JEANIST FIBER, MIRIO, MIRKO, NEJIRE AND TAMAKI.

They charged in because they knew he can’t keep this up, he can’t keep going- But it was already too late.

....He changed the weather like All Might. His explosions was so strong but he would never see it the desperation on Jeanist face. The regret he must be feeling in encouraging and pushing him...

..............................

There’s so much blood in his mouth and on his chest. Implying his insides had ruptured because his quirk likely made any injuries so much worst.

His eyes are dead, there is just a blank gaze and no words as the demon lord screams he is complete....

The manga’s stakes have become real.

#MHA 362 #BNHA 362 #yoly's theories #Yoly's talks #My Hero Academia

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perryhedge · 2 years

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Why is Gleipnir Like This

So I'm watching Gleipnir right now. Why am I watching Gleipnir right now? Well, for one, it seems like the Japanese is pretty easy, so that's a big motivating factor. I also am in the mood for edgy stuff, because I do like that every once in a while to please my lizard brain, and this fits the bill. There's definitely something unique about this show that reminds me of watching Toonami as a kid, back when anime seemed cool, different, and transgressive (I'm thinking stuff like Black Lagoon and Hellsing, but even Cowboy Bebop or Naruto to an extent). At this point in my life where I've gotten pretty desensitized to everything, there's still something here that kicks up my fight or flight response.

I have only heard that this show is absolutely weird and out of control, and I would say that so far halfway through (7/13 eps) I exactly half agree with that assessment. I mean, I haven't read the original manga, but it is definitely part of the not insubstantial genre of "manga made to explore the fetishes that the mangaka had". Not that there's anything wrong with that. Sure, there's a lot of probably objectionable and definitely weird stuff in this show, and it's definitively Not My Fetish (which applies to a lot of the aforementioned genre of manga). But I still try to approach these things with an open mind, as an amateur weirdo anthropologist.

The show starts off strong with a very bizarre setup (fursuit, metaphorical pegging, body horror, death game) but it is true that it mostly front-loads the weird stuff. As the show goes on it does kind of dull that weird edge and right now seems to be settling into a fairly standard battle royale action show (which, on balance, I still do actually like as a genre). The narrative decisions that lead to each battle are pretty barebones and sometimes stupid, but the powers and character designs are consistently pretty fun and interesting. I did roll my eyes a bit when the main character is defeated and then picks himself up off the ground revealing his previously unheard of nine tailed beast form, but really my primary reaction was surprise (?) that something so weird and off-kilter would slide so quickly into a standard shounen narrative. Then again, it's clear to me that the setup and characters were the clearest part of the plan for this story. The rest is sort of being made up as it goes along, which often seems to be the case (and that's understandable, since I'd argue the primary driving force in anime is making a show with your OC in it).

The show also looks really good, which surprised me. The BGs are pretty standard but don't look bad at all, and the character designs look pretty good (despite arguably the most appalling key visual I have ever seen from any anime, just look at the blurb on MAL), and there's actually sakuga. There's some weighty and dynamic action scenes (especially in the 2nd ep) and even when that's not happening there's still a good sense of space and choreography and the violence has impact. It doesn't come off as lazy whatsoever, and in fact on a moment to moment basis that's probably what keeps me interested.

So, I was struggling to figure out what is that "weird thing" that made this anime still feel unique, even after the initial premise wears off. And I realized it's absolutely the music, which is uniformly great. There's some high energy drum and bass and some really weird off-kilter melodies that make the whole thing sound like an Adult Swim bumper. I think it's this more than any other single factor that gives this show that nostalgic (?) edge that I was looking for. The OST veers from Brainfeeder-esque jazz trap to drum and bass and back, and even when it's just doing "basic anime music", there's a momentum to it that keeps things interesting. I also love the ED, which again has that surreal, eerie, melancholy, drugged out Adult Swim flavor that I really cannot liken to anything else in anime except 2 other OSTs:

Gleipnir's ED:

youtube

Compare to Yasuke's OP, by none other than Thundercat:

youtube

And the unbelievably underrated ED from Un Go

youtube

So yeah, I don't really have anything else to add or an interesting note to end this on. Gleipnir is pretty cool and I hope it gets even weirder. It delivers in ways I definitely didn't expect and even though I have somewhat lower expectations for the second half of the show it's been a fun ride.

#gleipnir #anime #Youtube

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dandelion-wings · 3 years

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My at-work entertainment for the last week or so has been bashing together a crossover fusion AU between Genshin Impact and Sekirei, a terrible fanservice-y sci-fi harem battle royale manga that I cannot in good conscience recommend to anyone, but which has a specific “the fighty people can kiss certain other people to get stronger in exchange for forming a permanent master/subordinate bond” mechanic that lives perpetually rent-free in my brain. Which is the main part I stole for this fic, in which I put both magic systems in a blender specifically in order to make Jean kiss all the Mondstadt characters I have entertained pairing her with (except Rosaria, because as soon as I started thinking about putting characters in the Sekirei paradigm I realized that Rosaria is 100% Barbara’s Sekirei, so Jean unfortunately doesn’t get to kiss her here).

Fair warning that a) the Ashikabi-Sekirei system is basically soulmating (including a “you have a destined person” element, though it’s not definitive) and b) there are inherent consent issues that come with a soulbonding system that can be done against one party’s will, though that doesn’t happen in the main relationships. ...Also c) in the midst of my attempts to condense an explanation I have realized that the blendering process turned it into something suspiciously similar to a/b/o, so I’m just going to. leave this here and go now.

---

ETA: Now archived, with canon-compliance edits, on AO3!

---

Winging Diluc is a destiny fulfilled, a hot blaze of satisfaction in her breast that has as much to do with the innate *rightness* of their actions as it does with his lips on hers, or the wings of blazing flame that spread out behind him.

Jean had realized she was an Ashikabi in the midst of realizing she was his Ashikabi, so it only seems right. The first part was no surprise; most Gunnhildrs have been, through the ages. Her mother raises her to respect Sekirei, to uphold Mondstadt's principles of freedom, and so she doesn't press, when Diluc's Vision appears when they're both adolescents and it becomes clear what form of power he's been given and what kind she's bound for in turn. But every time their gazes meet after that she feels a spark of warmth, a determined tugging, and from the way his cheeks go red she knows he feels it just as strongly.

If she feels another, vaguer tug now and then, pulling outward, so faint that she can't tell if it's to the west or north, Jean disregards it. Every Sekirei has a destined Ashikabi, and the converse is true, sometimes many times over for Ashikabi who can hold more than one person in their heart--but the principle developed in Mondstadt, held by the Gunnhildrs and taught so strictly by her mother, is that even in the face of destiny, one should be allowed to *choose*. If that's true for Sekirei, it should be true for her, too. She doesn't want to leave Mondstadt, not even for a destined love. Diluc is here, and enough. And even if he doesn't choose her, Mondstadt is enough for her, must be enough for her, on its own.

Besides, Diluc does choose her. He waits, as she waits, as both his father and her mother make them wait, through the first confusing muddle of puberty. They're supposed to wait longer, she knows, preferably until they're adults, until they're mature enough that the adults think them able to make their own choices. But then he's made captain at fourteen, asks for her as his lieutenant, and, in the bouyant glory of the post-ceremony celebration his father is hosting, he grabs her hand and hauls her out onto a balcony and spins her around so that he's facing her, eyes bright almost to glowing.

"If I'm to be a captain at this age, and not fail my men, I need to be stronger," he says, reaching out to take her other hand and clutch both tight. "Can I- will you help me? With that?"

"Of course," Jean says, caught in a whirl of excitement and anxiety, half of her anticipating what he must want to ask and half of her afraid that she's wrong, that she's hoping too much and might humiliate herself by stating her expectations. She chooses her words carefully to avoid that latter. "I'm your lieutenant now, aren't I? I'll give you all the support I can."

Diluc hesitates, his smile dimming, and he, too, speaks carefully in reply. "I know that, but that's not what I meant. I meant- I want to be able to use my norito. Father keeps reminding me that being my Ashikabi isn't a promise of anything else, but I know it's still a lot to ask, so if you don't want to-"

"I do," Jean blurts out over him, leaning forward, almost falling into him with how eager she is. He's warm in the cold air of the night, with the faint piney scent of the awful cologne he's taken to using that in this moment is almost charming. She presses close to him, enough that he lets go of her hands to grab her shoulders, to steady her. Their lips are inches apart, and it's only with an effort of will that she holds herself back. "Though- Mother keeps reminding me it's permanent. That I can take other Sekirei, but you can't have another Ashikabi. Are you sure? I don't want to trap you with me forever."

"Jean, I don't think you could trap me if you tried," Diluc says, grinning at her, and then leans in those last few inches.

Their lips touch. Diluc's are hot, blazing against her own, almost a brand against her mouth. Her first kiss, Jean finds herself thinking, faintly dazed, and she wonders why nothing's happening. Then Diluc's tongue brushes over her closed lips and she realizes, blushing hot, both why nothing is and that it can't be *his* first kiss, though he's clumsy enough when she opens her mouth that maybe it's his second. But that doesn't matter, because suddenly the shadows of the balcony behind him are ablaze with light, his wings spreading wide, flickering, their glow brightening until she feels like she's standing in the heart of a fire.

It doesn't frighten her, though, not with Diluc's arms hot around her waist, his warmth pressed so gently against her. This fire won't burn her, not ever.

***

There's no draw at all between Jean and Kaeya, but she's the first person he shows, nonetheless, after Diluc leaves Mondstadt and rips both of their hearts in two. Perhaps that's why, because no one else could understand the bitterness of it, this god-given revelation of an inner power that she knows Kaeya would gladly trade away to have his family back, alive and home and whole. It's not the reason he gives her, of course.

"I don't really understand this business the way you and- the way you do," he says, dangling the Vision in front of her a moment more and then folding his hand around it, sliding it into his pocket as if he can hide the chill she feels through his sleeve when she puts a hand on his arm. "It wasn't my legacy. Or wasn't supposed to be. So I'm not sure what I am."

"It does run more in some families than others, but anyone can be a Sekirei or Ashikabi. The power dwells in most people of Teyvat, to be unleashed by the gods as they choose," Jean tells him, all her mother's childhood lessons flooding to the fore. "Ashikabi Visions often give them support powers, and Sekirei usually have more aggressive abilities, but that's not a hard and fast rule. It still ultimately comes down to the person, and to the Vision, whatever ancestry may have come to the fore."

She bites down on more rote words, dry explanations that surely he'd gotten from his father already just so that he could understand Diluc. That's not what he's asking for. He wants something subtler, a determination that has more to do with familiarity and instinct than lessons on ancestral influences and theology. She may not have her mother's long experience, but she knows Kaeya well. She looks with worry at the wry half-smile that reaches his eye but she knows is false nonetheless, the dark half-moon under his eye and the pallor of his skin that match her own, that has as much to do with grief as with exhaustion. Diluc might be gone, but she can still feel his emotions, has been feeling the grief turn to rage burn away into hopeless grief again, a seemingly endless cycle, since the moment his father fell before him. Kaeya must feel much the same.

Under that is a humming knowledge, stronger when she touches him, that even without any pull between them, if she pressed her lips to his, or if they cut their palms and touched them together in one of the older styles, or- or exchanged fluid in any other way... then he would be hers, belong to her, fall under her command and under her protection. What good her protection is. She couldn't protect Diluc, and he was already hers.

"Sekirei," she says, raising her hand from his skin, because it suddenly doesn't feel safe to touch him. To have *both* their pain echoing through her right now could be disabling. And while she would endure it if he asked, surely there's someone for whom he's destined, and should have the right to find and choose or deny if he so wishes without Jean's interference.

"Ah," Kaeya says, his gaze going distant. The chuckle that follows is almost painful to hear, low and bitter. "No matter what, I'm always going to be serving someone, aren't I?"

Jean opens her mouth to protest--Sekirei don't have to serve their Ashikabi in Monstadt, there are laws and protections in place, and she and Diluc have more than demonstrated how carefully the balance of power can be managed--then closes it again. Kaeya spent his first ten years elsewhere, and while she knows very little about that, she knows that not every place in Teyvat is the same way, and that the lessons learned in childhood have shaped his worldview in ways that neither she nor Diluc can ever truly understand. Which gives her even less reason to make any suggestions about his choices.

"If you don't want to be winged, Sekirei have gone their whole life without that," she points out. "All it means is that you won't be able to use your norito. And if anyone ever tries to tell you that's worth something you don't want, or is-" things do happen, she knows, even in Mondstadt, and she feels more aware than usual that a Sekirei *can* be winged against their will "-is forceful about it, you can come to me. You should be free to make your own choices."

Kaeya looks at her strangely for a moment, unreadable behind his false smile. Then he nods. His smile changes, a little less wry, a little more honest, and Jean, for the first time since Diluc's fear had spiked unexpectedly through her in the middle of a rainy May morning, summons a smile back.

***

"This is unjust," Jean says, stiff and vibrating with anger. It's a struggle to keep it from her face, to speak levelly and reasonably, but she has long practice maintaining her composure, and her outrage remains beneath the surface. "Eula Lawrence has passed every one of the trials, and sworn her dedication to our oaths. To refuse her now because of her family line is simply prejudice."

"There is also the matter of her declaration that she is infiltrating the Knights to cause our downfall," Inspector Eroch points out. "If you expect us to take her at her word regarding her oaths, should we not then take her at her word regarding her intent?"

It's a reasonable question. Jean doesn't know how to explain what she reads into Eula's words, the bone-deep certainty that she, like Jean, feels constrained to justify her every action in the framework of her own clan's philosophies, whether or not they truly align. The feel is of an unfunny in-joke that only the two of them are placed to understand; the only other person who might have is gone, long gone, his emotional tumult fading from her heart so slowly that Jean can't tell whether Diluc is shutting her out or if his own heart is hardening and going dull. And knowing more now of his father and his family, she can't be sure if even he would ever have sensed the bitter humor that underlies some of Eula's most dramatic statements.

"If she swears the oaths to become a full Knight of Favonius, they will not *allow* her to carry out that supposed intent. I believe that she will hold those oaths above her blood. Grand Master Varka trusts my judgement in this area."

"Of course you believe that of her, Captain Gunnhildr. Everyone here knows it's what you would do in such a situation," Inspector Eroch says, and the words and tone are both complimentary, but there's a glint in his eye that makes her obscurely, inexplicably certain that he's laughing at her. "The Grand Master's faith in you is deserved, but I fear it may be overflowing unfairly onto her. Now, if there were some way to guarantee her loyalty, it would be a different matter. Perhaps if she were to accept a knight as an Ashikabi-"

"That is *coercion*," Jean snaps, letting her voice go harsh, just enough of her anger leaking out to give it the force to speak over him. "Which is unworthy of the Ordo."

"Regardless, that is the only condition under which I would consider her admission," the Inspector says, in tones of mild regret, and stands. Which means the interview is over.

She almost doesn't want to tell Eula. But she had made a promise, and she walks to Windrise that afternoon with a heavy heart, unsure how to pass on the content of the interview without making the Inspector's condition sound like an ultimatum. The most politic wording is still escaping her when she reaches that point, and it tumbles out of her instead, an embarrassingly jumbled explanation likely made only more confusion by the righteous anger that, here at Windrise where she's always let her feelings free, she can't help but let show.

"An irritatingly unreasonable condition," Eula says, offering Jean a cup of berry-and-mint punch that, from the crushed remains of wolfhook berries and mint leaves crisping by her fire, she must have brewed herself. And not long ago, at that, but of course with her Vision's touch, it's already pleasantly cool. "I can't say I think much of the Knights' dedication to this supposed ethos of freedom, if he feels free to make it."

"I know," Jean sighs, and sips deeply of the punch, enjoying the sweet chill burst of it on her tongue. "This is lovely, Eula, as always. The Inspector has always been a bit questionable in that way, but the Grand Master is a little too easy-going about these things... and he picks up the Grand Master's slack, which is necessary," she reluctantly admits.

A small smile curves Eula's mouth at the compliment to her cooking, reserved but quite real. It's always a pleasure to see, those moments when she finds it worth cracking the reserve she seems to wear as a shield against the scorn of Mondstadt's people. Jean smiles back.

"It seems as if this Inspector could use to be supplanted by a more mindful individual," Eula says, her gaze going sharp. "I would have assumed such a post would always go to a Gunnhildr. You may be my ancestral enemy, but I would still be forced to take vengeance on anyone who questioned your honor."

Jean, her cheeks warming at the sideways compliment, bites her tongue hard on an assurance that the Inspector *is* due to be supplanted. She trusts Eula more than anyone else does, but that doesn't mean she can share her operation with someone uninvolved. However hopeless Kaeya accuses her of being at spycraft, she knows that much. No matter how much she wants to assure Eula that it's only a matter of time before Inspector Eroch will no longer be an obstacle. Even once that time comes, there's no assurance that other obstacles won't arise.

"I'm grateful for your confidence in me," she says instead, meeting Eula's eyes against the urge to duck her head and hide her blush. "I will do my best to live up to it."

Eula smiles at her again, just for a moment, that small pleased expression that always feels a little like Jean is getting a glimpse of something secret. Then it takes on a conspiratorial air.

"As to the matter of choosing an Ashikabi, my clan plans to make arrangements for me when I am done pursuing what they consider my hopeless folly. I wouldn't mind subverting those plans. There's no chance of them aligning with my destiny, after all--Lawrences don't give in to the whims of the stars, they carve their own fates out according to their own intentions." Eula says that last in the haughty tone she always assumes when quoting someone else's dictats or assumptions. "In which case, I would rather carve out my own intentions than theirs."

"Then you should do so," Jean assures her, resting her half-full cup on her knee to give Eula her full attention. "That *is* your right as a citizen of Mondstadt, whatever pressures anyone else may wish to exert. I know it must be difficult for you, given your circumstances, but if there's anyone you wish to approach, or if you want help finding the Ashikabi you are destined for, I'll give you my full support. As well as continuing to advocate with you for the Ordo, I should say."

"Your support is exactly what I need," Eula says. She sets her own drink aside and leans forward. "The person I want to approach is right here. I can't think of any better way to prove myself to Mondstadt. And it would satisfy the Inspector's conditions, too, though I'd intended to ask you anyway."

Frozen in place by her regard, Jean stares back at her, searching for any sign of humor in her tone or face. But there's none at all; Eula is as serious and sincere as she was the first time she placed herself to encounter Jean here at Windrise and challenge her, or as she was the day Jean brought the Grand Master here so that Eula could ask him herself to become an apprentice knight. This isn't some secret joke. She's asking this seriously.

"If your intent is to defy your clan...." Jean trails off there, because she can't finish that with a refusal. She understands all too well how heavily the shadow of such a legacy can fall upon one, though she and Eula have chosen opposite approaches to their clans' standards. Jean *wants* to support Eula in breaking free of her family's grip, and, if it is possible, in changing the meaning people attach to the name Lawrence. She would want to do the same if it was the Gunnhildrs who had so besmirched their own name, after fall.

"I can have more than one intention, and carry all of them out at once. That's simple strategy," Eula says with some scorn. She leans in closer, but pauses before she's actually in Jean's space, giving her room to pull back and retreat. The scorn dissolves away as she adds, with a haughtiness that is more obviously than usual a shield, "I will either have the best Ashikabi in Mondstadt, or none at all."

Jean swallows hard and studies Eula's face, the proud jut of her chin, the sharp line of her jaw, the firm line of her mouth countered by the faint tremor of uncertainty around the corners of her eyes. This is a daring request on her part, one that must have been terribly difficult for her to make with all the expectations dragging on her in counterbalance. Crystalflies flutter in Jean's stomach as she looks at those violet eyes, the determination in them. She licks her lips and leans in to press them to Eula's in silent assent. Eula kisses fiercely, as if this is yet another battle, as if Jean is her glorious conquest.

A cold wind rushes around them both as Eula's wings flare out behind her, white and faintly gleaming, a lattice of lace-like delicacy. Like snowflakes, Jean thinks, pulling back to look at them. But strong despite their delicacy, like Eula is strong, standing firm against the sunlight and the wind, refusing to melt, growing only stronger under pressure.

***

The tugging in Jean's chest never goes away, even as the last faint impressions of Diluc's emotions fade from her awareness. It's been more than a year now, long enough for him to make such distance that even their bond can't stretch so far. That's what she comforts herself with--that it's physical distance, and not emotional, that divides their hearts. It helps, when they clean out Eroch's office, to find Diluc's Vision there in a locked drawer in his desk. She tells herself that it surely contributes to the lack.

Her own Vision comes to her almost prosiacally--no dramatic moment, no confrontation, only a quiet meditation at Windrise and a sudden weight in her hand as the wind grows wild. Its lesser power is made for controlling the battlefield, but the greater, already unlocked to her by dint having winged her own Sekirei, is for healing, and Jean is grateful for that in so many ways. Grateful that she can so aid her troops, grateful that she can rely on it herself and safely take on more danger therefore. Grateful that she is more, as a Knight, than the knife she'd started thinking of herself as, forced to carve out bits of the Ordo like a surgeon in order to save the whole.

She devotes herself to caring for what she can, to stepping into the role of Master of Knights and picking up the Grand Master's slack, to filling long-empty positions and flushing out the remaining traitors hidden in the Ordo's ranks. Eula proves herself so ably as captain of the Reconaissance Company that only the most bitter detractors still claim she has the rank because she's Jean's Sekirei, and Kaeya is so useful that Grand Master Varka names her his adjutant, which proves a useful way to keep him, too, safely under her protection. Some of the other officers are Ashikabi, too, and the events of Eroch's expulsion leave Jean with a shivery uncertain feeling down her spine when they eye him, in place of her once-solid certainty that no one in the Ordo would so blatantly break Mondstadt's laws.

But those who might they hunt down and root out, one by one, and Jean's worries are gradually replaced by a new certainty in their new officers, the ones she's chosen herself, with Eula's silent approbation in the back of her head and Kaeya's tiny nod confirming every one. She's proud of them, and almost as disappointed as the Grand Master when one likely candidate flatly turns down the position, insisting that she wishes to be Ordo Librarian and no more. Jean isn't sure why she likes her so much when she'd only met her once, but as much as Nymph disagrees, she'd thought Ms. Minci was perfect.

It's not until she's watching Lisa duel with Nymph that she realizes the tightness in her chest is more than disappointment, or than breathlessness at seeing someone so lovely and so clearly in her element putting her power on display. Or Eula's own similarly breathless feeling echoed back to her; Eula has more reserve than Diluc did, once upon a time, but when their emotions align Jean can feel them most clearly, and they seem to align here. But there's something more than that, something like a tugging feeling, like she's being pulled towards the woman, something that makes her take three steps towards her instead of the one she'd intended when Lisa calls a halt to the fight and steps away.

"I agree that Field Officer Nymph has shown herself off well in this match," she says, at least keeping the breathless admiration from her voice, spine straight, shoulders back, chin up but smiling, because formality doesn't mean she can't be welcoming. "But so have you. The Ordo will be pleased to have you as our librarian, Ms. Minci."

"Call me Lisa, my dear." There's a sparkle in her eyes as she smiles at Jean, warm and pleased and knowing. She must feel the tug too, she *has* to. "I look forward to working closely together."

Jean fumbles out a polite answer, hot and flustered and grateful for Eula's sudden cold presence behind her to cool down her blush. Being destined to be Sekirei and Ashikabi doesn't mean that a pair is destined for anything else, she reminds herself, even if it often goes that way, and even if Lisa is stunningly beautiful. In fact, that's more reason not to press. In Mondstadt, destiny isn't a dictate; everyone is free to make their own choices. She has to give Lisa space for that no matter how her heart pulls.

And for all the promising warmth of that introduction, Lisa, it seems, has chosen not to bow to destiny. It reminds Jean a bit of Kaeya's wariness, the way she smiles and demurs and stands a little bit away from any Ashikabi, or puts Eula or another bonded Sekerei between them if they press too close. But it's not quite the same. Kaeya doesn't hide his abilities, uses his Vision as a tool the same as his sword or his horse. Lisa seems downright reluctant to employ her power, despite how it crackles unbidden from her skin, and any deliberate usage is a display of just how powerful she is, just how sharply she can sting when provoked. She handles her Vision like a double-edged blade, like she expects it to cut her every time.

It behooves Jean to prove that she can command her own heart, and so she does, is careful never to press, never to stand too closely, never to ask Lisa to use her Vision unless Lisa offers first. She intrudes on the library only after asking permission, and invites Lisa to her office only when she has Eula or some other Sekirei knight to act as a potential buffer should Lisa want the space. Which Lisa wants less and less, as the months go by, until she's the one inviting Jean to tea alone together even when Eula is out in the field.

Their conversations wander everywhere, from knightly work to Lisa's projects to the library to books they've read to all the various subjects that books can hold. Jean feels like she can talk to Lisa about anything, and refuses to compare her delighted, interested attention to the way Diluc used to listen to her, silent and rapt. It's a pleasure just to be in her company. Jean starts to feel something swelling in her heart beside the tug and recognizes it all too well: it's the same way she feels when she walks into her office and finds that Kaeya has done all her paperwork for her and left a bouquet of calla lilies atop her empty desk, or Eula says something dramatically subversive and then tilts her head and smiles to invite Jean into the joke. And just as she does at those times, she shutters it away before Eula can sense it, because it isn't fair to them.

She's rewarded for her forbearance, at any rate. Lisa begins to touch her, a hand on her arm for support on rough ground or on her back when Jean is too tired to hide it, and to sit ever closer to her at the tea-table, and even to put Jean between herself and other Ashikabi when she's weary of handling them herself. Every time she sees Jean she smiles, no matter how serious the situation or how irritated or exhausted she is. Jean could bask in that smile forever, and tells herself that she needs nothing else.

***

Grand Master Varka goes halfway up Dragonspine after a particularly troublesome gang of bandits and comes back with a look of grim satisfaction and a single survivor. Jean is among the few to be told that she was paroled, not rescued, and it worries Jean a little that she's sent to the Church. But all reports suggest that the new novice is, if exasperating to the sisters, disinclined to waste her second chance. Barbara is safe.

Having her sister on her mind makes it more of a surprise, not less, when her father sends her a polite note asking that she speak to Barbara Ashikabi-to-Ashikabi. As neither Sekirei nor Ashikabi, he says, he's not qualified to counsel her on this topic. Jean writes back in vague agreement first, and nearly has to follow up with a letter almost two weeks later apologizing that she can't--but she mentions her frustration at being unable to free the time up to Kaeya and finds her schedule for the next day abruptly cleared. Lisa descends on her when she tries to check in at the Ordo that morning just in case something's come up and banishes her with a sternness that Jean is too taken aback by to protest.

She considers offering to take Barbara to Good Hunter to talk, then considers the subject and invites her to Windrise, instead. Barbara skips all the way there, joy so poorly contained that Jean feels a guilty regret at her long delay. As they settle in at the roots of the great tree, though, anxiety seems to overtake her, and she worries at her skirt until it's hopelessly wrinkled as Jean sets out a picnic lunch.

"How are thinks at the Cathedral?" Jean asks her, trying for a delicate approach.

"Everything's going well," Barbara says, too quickly. "I've been helping out in the infirmary, and training some of the newer novices on the basics. They're good students! Mostly."

"Mostly?"

"Our newest novice...." Barbara trails off, shifts uncomfortably, and then bursts out with, "How do you know the difference between being destined for someone and having a crush? I know you and Sir Diluc were destined for each other, so you know what that feels like, right?"

"Yes, we were," Jean says. She waits for the weight in her chest, but finds herself able to breathe easily. Only now does she realize that it hasn't hurt for months. "Though I did have a bit of a crush on him for at least part of that time. They're difficult feelings to disentangle."

"Oh." Barbara sighs. "I've had crushes before, but this is the first Sekirei. So I don't know if it's different because of the person, or because I'm older, or because it's a destined connection. I don't want to act weird around them, but if we really are destined, isn't that important?"

Jean considers her words carefully before she answers. She can feel the parallels there, clear and obvious, with her feelings for Lisa. The solution is the same, really, regardless of the nature of the connection, because the central problems are also the same.

"Whether you're destined to be together or not, what's important is treating them normally, and respecting the choices they make around you. If it is a crush, and they're an unattached Sekirei, there's no point in pursuing it until they have an Ashikabi, whether they choose you or someone else. There's no safe way for us to... to be intimate with a Sekirei who hasn't formed a bond yet." Jean's face goes hot at bringing such a thing up with her sister, but it's important to be sure that she knows.

"I know *that*," Barbara squeaks, just as red.

"I'm told there are people for whom a relationship doesn't have to be intimate to be satisfying, but that's quite rare," Jean says, and moves on quickly before she has to explain something she doesn't entirely herself understand. "That's beside the point. Being destined for each other doesn't mean you *have* to be their Ashikabi, only that you would work well together if you were. So it's best to simply treat them as a friend, and let anything else that happens occur naturally. You don't want to pressure them into anything, do you?"

"No." Barbara's voice is small. "But what if she- what if they're doing the same thing? Waiting to see what *I* want? They're a reserved person, and I don't want them to think I don't like them...."

That's a good question. One Jean hasn't bothered to ask herself. She thinks of Lisa's little touches, her warm smiles, how close she sidles up when they're taking tea alone. Are they both holding back? Both waiting? And yet, a misstep could undo all the progress she's made. And any Barbara might have made, as well, because Jean knows of only one unattached Sekirei woman in the Church. She doesn't know Rosaria well, but her situation is surely even pricklier than whatever makes Lisa so reluctant to show what she is.

"A small gesture wouldn't hurt," Jean concedes. "Something that doesn't create any obligation. You've been practicing your singing, haven't you? Could you compose them a song?"

"Oh, I'm not nearly good enough to compose yet," Barbara says, but she sits up and looks thoughtful. "She's said my voice isn't terrible, though...."

"I'm sure you can think of something that would serve," Jean says. "And if you need more ideas, you can ask me, and I'll try to think of them."

"Would you? I'm sure you would think of some good ideas!" Barbara beams at her.

Jean smiles back. "Now, while we're out here, Sara did prepare quite a picnic for us. It would be a shame to let her hard work go to waste."

"Mhmm!"

As they dig into the food, a gentle breeze winds through branches of the tree above, the rustle of the leaves against the trickle of the brook behind it almost making up a song. Jean listens to Barbara hum absently along and lets herself luxuriate in the rare pleasure of an afternoon with her sister. She should do this more often, though she knows as she thinks it that this was a rare chance, and life will interfere again. As Barbara chatters about life at the Church, and Jean answers with a few of her own more appropriate work anecdotes, the thought of Lisa's smile lingers in the back of her mind.

***

Eula is out on assignment during their next teatime, as she so often is these days. Jean can feel the quiet hum of her presence in the back of her mind, though, emotions cloaked in reserve the knowledge that she's healthy and alive still a constant reassurance. It's more comforting than perhaps it should be as she sits down across from Lisa and asks her about her day.

The conversation wanders, as it always does, and Jean tries to subtly steer it. She doesn't want to say what she has to say out of the blue. At last, as they sip the last cups of the pot, it turns to Visions and all the baggage they carry.

"You don't like to use yours," Jean says, careful to keep her voice gentle, to avoid any implication that it might be an accusation. "Is that because you don't want people to know you're a Sekirei?"

"I'll admit that can be tiring at times, though Mondstadt is much more bearable than I'm used to when it comes to inappropriate Ashikabi." Lisa smiles warmly at Jean, as if she's complimenting her as much as the city. "I'm surprised more Sekirei don't flock here for that reason alone. But that's not my only reason. Have you ever wondered why the gods give Visions to some people with Sekirei and Ashikabi potential, and not to others?"

"Because their passion is strong enough to catch the god's attention," Jean answers, confused by the question.

"But can we be certain of that? Sir Kaeya asked me an interesting question once, when I discussed it with him. He asked me, if most people in Teyvat have Sekirei or Ashikabi ancestry, whether we should think about it as select people's power being unlocked, or as most people's power being sealed away. There is faint evidence, far back in the historic record, of people speaking of Sekirei and Ashikabi possessing elemental power without mentioning Visions." Lisa takes a sip of tea; Jean, unsure where she's going but unwilling to interrupt, watches the delicate sweep of her eyelashes as she closes her eyes to savor the flavor, then opens them again. "But no matter what perspective you take, having a Vision makes you beholden to the gods. If they choose to call up that debt, I doubt how little I use my power would make any difference, but I'm hesitant to exert my power without knowing the cost."

Jean considers that. It's not how she's ever thought of Visions, or of the gods--but the archon of Mondstadt is very different from those of other lands, and much freer with his people. "Then I will continue not to ask you to use it," she promises, because in the end, it's not why Lisa is reluctant that matters, it's that Jean respects that reluctance.

"Don't worry, my dear. If there's anyone worth exerting my power for, it's you." Lisa smiles over the rim of her teacup. Her eyes sparkle with a mischevious warmth that summons a return smile from Jean, responding to the fond affection in that gaze. "You could almost convince me to start developing it again?"

All of Jean's intended words stick in her throat. "I- almost?"

"Well." Lisa sets her cup down carefully in front of her. She's still smiling, but she's watching Jean's face carefully, a faintly guarded look replacing the sparkle in her eyes. "It would depend on how you ask."

Setting her cup down, too, Jean takes a deep breath. "What if- if my intent wasn't for you to develop your power? Or simply that, though it would be a side-effect."

Lisa meets her eyes, the smile even fainter, studying her with hooded eyes as if Jean is an experimental potion she's waiting to see prove out. "My dear, are you asking to kiss me?"

"Yes." Suddenly feeling the weight of the word, the distinction from another, equally important one, Jean licks her lips--Lisa watches that, she can't help but notice--and adds, "And I would wish to whether you were a Sekirei or not. But I don't want to wing you against your will."

"So several people have assured me." Lisa props her chin on her palm and smiles again, leaning forward in a way that makes Jean even more aware than usual of the low cut of her bodice. "The difference between that and using my Vision, is that the cost of a kiss is obvious. And if it's for a kiss from you, my dear, it's worth paying."

Jean feels faintly dizzy. She's suddenly intensely aware of Lisa's perfume, a sweet heavy rose scent that seems to be wafting anew through the room, though surely it's weaker now than it was at the beginning of their tea. "Then, may I?"

Smile deepening, Lisa leans even further forward, close enough that Jean could lean in to meet her. "You may."

Taking that invitation, Jean closes the distance. Her hands are sweaty on her thighs, but she feels almost cold as she presses her lips against Lisa's. Static crackles between them. Lisa's lips are warm--she's used to Eula's, the rare times they've fought together and Eula's asked her for a boost, and as she hasn't kissed anyone else for years now, Lisa's warmth is even more striking in comparison. Then she opens her mouth to Jean, and she's so soft and warm and welcoming that Jean sighs and nearly falls into her.

Her wings are are Electro-violet as they flare into existence behind her, unfurling like the petals of a rose. They have a petal-pattern to them, too, curves stacked upon each other in such soft-looking layers such that Jean almost wants to reach out to touch them, even though she knows her hand will go right through. They glow with a light of their own. Jean closes her eyes against that light and leans deeper into the kiss, into the warmth of the woman in front of her, setting the power Lisa doesn't care to indulge aside.

***

Lisa settles into the back of her mind alongside Eula, a comforting hum when she's calm or preoccupied, spiking sharp and almost painful in her rare bursts of anger or indignation, buzzing brightly in joy. Jean finds herself working to cultivate that joy. As she does so, she thinks of the occasional leakage of Eula's happiness, cool and bracing like a brisk wind on a chill spring morning, and begins to think of little ways to bring that, too, to the fore. Lisa sparks now and then with a jealousy that worries Jean up until the first time they fight together, an unexpected Abyss Order incursion in Wolvendom that sends Lisa hurrying to protect her student and Jean racing after her and Eula sprinting to aid them both.

The elemental energy flowing between them, spread out further and faster by Jean's Swirl, is far more powerful than any Superconduct Jean has seen before. She's commanding the battle, mediating their powers, but she feels like a conduit for an synchronity deeper than mere words of command, an instinctive sense they all share that feels like they're one person in three skins. That interchange seems to settle something between her Sekirei that Jean, for all that she has both their bonds, isn't granted access to.

The next time they're able to take tea together, Lisa and Eula smile conspiratorially at each other and then sweep Jean off for an afternoon walk as soon as the empty cups are cleared away. Her protests fall on deaf ears; when they return that evening to her high-piled desk, Kaeya is already lounging there with her chair tilted back on two legs the way he knows she hates, sorting out her paperwork by secrecy and priority. He and Eula and Lisa tackle everything they have the expertise and clearance to touch without even asking for Jean's leave. Since the gesture is kind, she can't even be upset.

It becomes their ritual when Eula is free, and sometimes Kaeya and Lisa pull it on their own when she isn't. Jean has to admit that it clears up time in the evenings, time that Lisa is happy to monopolize--time, when Eula is there, that Lisa drags their Reconaissance Captain into more and more. Dinners that were supposed to be dates should feel awkward with a third person along, but Jean can only be happy with both her Sekirei beside her.

Dinners that were still dates, she only realizes some six months into their strategy, when Lisa pulls Jean into a shameless kiss right in front of Eula and then, when Jean breaks away, red-faced and blinking away the afterimages of Lisa's wings, murmurs, "Oh, did you want to give Eula a turn, my dear?"

"I don't- I mean- I'm sorry," Jean blurts, turning to Eula. She's watching Jean with that familiar put-on haughtiness, the shield she almost never uses around Jean anymore. "Lisa was just teasing."

Lisa tucks her chin over Jean's shoulder. "You're lucky you're so cute when you're being this oblivious," she purrs into Jean's ear. "You do a very good job of keeping your feelings about Eula hidden from her, and a disappointingly good job of keeping your feelings about me hidden from me, when you don't think it's appropriate. But you aren't quite as careful about concealing your thoughts about each of us from the other."

Jean can feel the tips of her ears burning. She must be fully crimson.

"If you would rather deny your feelings for a Lawrence, just this once, I won't take vengeance." Eula's voice is very stiff, and while Jean can only feel a cold, muted hardness from her, a deliberate attempt to hide her own feelings, her eyes are bright and fierce with something Jean has the horrible feeling could be tears, if Eula's self-control wasn't so intense. "You have your own clan's reputation to attend to."

"That's not...." From what Lisa had said, it's not as if Jean can deny her feelings. She takes a deep breath, steadying as a fresh breeze rushes into her lungs, and draws herself up straight. "I didn't want to impose. I know that I was a strategic choice for you. If things had been different, it would have been Amber, wouldn't it?"

A Sekirei's power only manifests when their Vision comes to them, but many Ashikabi are like Jean, aware as soon as their destined Sekirei awakens and the draw of fate begins. She can't be *certain* that Amber knew until her Vision came into her hand, but Jean had felt Eula's stab of regret when Amber had come bursting joyously into headquarters to show it to them, and the accompanying lack of surprise. It had been Eula she had rushed to first, and there had been a flicker of disappointment beneath her joy.

"It is beneath the honor of the Lawrence clan to permit a common Ashikabi to command a noble Sekirei," Eula says, cold and precise, without even the imitation sneer that would turn that obvious quotation into a joke. Her words send a chill down Jean's spine. "The clan has employed assassins before to spare the Lawrence name such embarrassment. However else they may feel about the Gunnhildrs, you *are* noble, and not at such risk."

"That doesn't mean you and Amber can't- I wouldn't stop you. Once she's older," Jean corrects herself. "Simply because we're Sekirei and Ashikabi doesn't mean we have to have the same relationship as I and Lisa."

"Exactly." Eula smiles at her, the small secret smile, the shared in-joke. "I would have been for Amber what that sister of the church is to your sister. If that would have changed in time, there is still time for it to happen, is there not? But right now she is a child, and you are a beautiful, honorable woman whom I think very fondly of. And I may be cold, but whatever may be said of me, I am not frigid."

"Ah." Jean looks at her, pale and proud and beautiful, trusting her enough to share the joke, still the faint wary haughtiness in her eyes. Lisa is right behind her, arms around her waist, chin on her shoulder, buzzing in the back of her mind with encouragement. "Eula, would you- may I kiss you?"

Eula's shoulders relax, and she steps forward. "I suppose I'll permit it," she says loftily, leaning in.

As her wings appear behind her they reflect the light of Lisa's, fading, blue-white traced with violet. Later, in bed, they intermesh, Eula's insubstantial latticework like a skewed frame for Lisa's layered petals, as they confer quietly together over Jean's head. Jean lets them conspire, yet again, basking in Eula's cool sparkle of pleasure and Lisa's satisfied buzz.

***

Kaeya is pulling away, and Jean doesn't know how to fix it, or even whether she should. He still wanders into her office to help with her paperwork on date nights, and he's still at her side whenever she happens to accompany the cavalry into an engagement, but he never leaves bouquets on her desk anymore, and the only place she sees him is at work. He smiles and jokes with her and slides further and further out of her reach, hiding behind that smile and that laugh and the captaincy she'd been so proud of him for earning. She hears about his drinking off-duty and doesn't know if she should worry about it or not, if it's a deception in service of the clandestine reports that still land on her desk or if it's a sign of him shutting down.

It started somewhere in the past year, wound about with her first kiss with Lisa and their dates with Eula, but it didn't turn from slow creep to abrupt slide until the first time his secret reports included a rumor that the Dawn Winery was preparing for its master's return. Jean can make a thousand guesses about how that relates, exactly, but she can't be certain of any of them. All she can be certain of is that Kaeya isn't going to tell her.

Then a Fatui delegation is in Mondstadt, and Diluc back so soon after that he seems almost on their heels, throwing the Dawn Winery's doors open for a reception. Jean is too busy helping ready the Ordo for the Grand Master's expedition to attend, or so Kaeya suggests when he offers to go in her stead. She accepts the offer, and the excuse, and wonders if he knows that she still can't feel Diluc--not just his emotions, but Diluc himself, not even the sense that he's alive that she can still feel from Eula and Lisa when they're asleep--or if he has his own agenda. If it's the latter, she'll leave him to it.

Which she has to do, and keep doing, as one problem stacks upon another. Amber comes to them leading a traumatized young Sekirei with such eager protectiveness that Jean wants to blush for her, and Kaeya lies and deflects and leaves her behind with an utterly unreassuring wink, abandoning Jean to handle the diplomacy and wish she knew what he was up to. There's fire in the city and a battle on the cliff and so much cleanup left, when it's all done, that Jean is reminded of the days after Eroch. At least this time there's no rot within, only without.

In the midst of that she doesn't notice exactly when her bond with Diluc returns. Some time between breakfast and dinner, because she works straight through lunch, and while Lisa makes her sit down for tea in late afternoon, Lisa is the only thing she's paying attention to. Dinner she has alone in her office well after most of the day shift has left, and she's sitting there in the quiet, watching the candles on her desk flicker in some subtle draft, when she feels something else flicker within. A ground-down exhaustion so deep that it's almost an ache, but punctuated with a dull satisfaction like flexing a sore muscle after a spar.

Neither Lisa nor Eula have that flickering undertone to their emotions, nor the sense of ashy grit that pervades Jean's awareness when she focuses upon those thoughts. There's something oddly familiar to it. Her fork hangs in the air, a flake of fish slowly sliding off it, as she tries to place that familiarity. When she realizes, it's as much a sting as a relief. Diluc used to be a roaring blaze in her mind, joy and anger equally fierce. This is less than just a lessened connection due to distance and time; the very tenor of his thoughts, the way he sees the world, has changed. She wonders if he can sense her in return. It's not reflected in his own feelings if he can.

But it's a relief, still, to know he's alive. Jean wipes grease from the unfortunate paper her dropped forkful had landed on and goes back to her meal. She does wonder why it returned now, what changed. She'd spent so long assigning his absence in the back of her mind to his disconnect with his Vision that she'd only considered getting it back in the context of returning his Vision, but the Grand Master had asked her to hold off on that, so it can't be-

Jean pauses, sets her fork down, and unfastens her keys from her belt. She has more on her ring than anyone but Grand Master Varka, and even the ones that only he's supposed to hold, she knows where he keeps the secret duplicates. But there are copies of her office keys and her desk keys hidden away in Lisa's office, and others carried by one other knight. So it's no surprise at all, when she unlocks the desk drawer where she's kept Diluc's Vision all these years, to find it gone.

There's still work to do, but Jean sets the remains of her fish atop the remains of her paperwork and heads down the hall to the one other room on this corridor with a light still showing under the door. She knocks before she enters, but doesn't wait for Kaeya to get the door; if they're the only two working, he won't bother to lock her out. He looks up from his desk and smiles at her, a momentary flash of real affection buried immediately behind lazy insouciance.

She opens her mouth with a scolding on the tip of her tongue, but somehow, what comes out is, "Thank you."

"Not that it isn't nice to be appreciated, but what are you thanking me for?"

"I can feel Diluc again." Jean closes the door behind herself and goes over. Her thought is to sit, but he doesn't have a spare chair in here, and she's nowhere near tired enough to lean on his desk, so she ends up standing beside it, not quite hovering over him. "You gave him his Vision back, didn't you? And I can feel him. Not as strongly as before, but I can tell that he's alive, and I'll know if something urgent happens."

"Such an accusation," Kaeya says lightly, kicking his chair back onto two legs and leaning back in the exact way that she hates. Jean tenses against the urge to tip it back upright. He's never *actually* unbalanced enough to fall backward and crack his skull open, as far as she knows, but she's always waiting for it.

He's right, though. Jean will actually have to scold him if he incriminates himself. She sighs and smiles at him, a genuine smile to counter his false one. "I withdraw it. However it happened, I'll simply be grateful. Perhaps it was the will of the Anemo Archon."

"Anemo does like you," Kaeya says, half-serious. He studies her in silence for a moment, and then his gaze flicks away, back to his desk. Staring at the hourglass on the corner like it's the most fascinating thing in the world, he says quietly, all the humor gone from his voice, "What happens next? You know he won't come back to the Ordo."

"No." That's obvious enough. Jean closes her eyes and sits with that for a moment, breathing through the ache in her chest at having to acknowledge it. "I can't, and don't, have any expectations of him. He ought to be free to follow his own path, whether or not I agree with it. I doubt he wants to rekindle our connection any further while he holds such a grudge against the Knights. If I can restore us in his eyes, then perhaps something will come of it. If it doesn't, though, knowing that he's well will be enough."

Kaeya gives a little hum that could be agreement or could be acknowledgement, then looks up at her again, still smiling. "So long as you're happy, my future Acting Grand Master."

"'Happy' may not be possible, in this situation. But I'm content with current developments."

"Fair enough."

Jean studies him back, the guarded smile, the tension hidden beneath his casual slouch. His elbows are hooked loosely over the back of his chair, but the foot that isn't tucked around the leg of his desk to hold him upright is flat on the ground. He's ready to spring up and into action the moment it's called for. The moment, Jean knows without any false arrogance, that she calls. Among other triggers.

"Are *you* happy?" she asks him, softly, to see if the mask will slip.

Only a faint widening of his eye, and then the smile curves more deeply, more amused. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know." Jean takes a deep breath and leans in, looking down at him, trying to let her concern show so he'll know how serious slhe is. "But I know something is amiss. If it's anything I've done, or there is anything you wish me to do, please tell me. You are my best friend, Kaeya. And I miss you."

His eye has gone wide again, and the false smile, at long last, fades away. After several beats of silence in which Jean goes colder and colder, afraid she's pushed too, he asks out of the blue, "If an Ashikabi dies, their Sekirei all die with them, isn't that so?"

"Yes." Kaeya should know that, should remember from the end of that affair with Eroch--the Inspector only alive now, imprisoned someplace in the remote western reaches of Liyue through a deal with the Tianqian that they're still paying off, because of the hostages he took to save his own hide. They had come so close to unintentional murder in his arrest that she still wakes in a cold sweat now and then.

"So once Grand Master Varka leaves, between you and the people you've winged, it would pratically cripple Mondstadt if someone knifed you in the back." Kaeya is calmly thoughtful, as if this is somehow a rational next step in their conversation, as if he's not talking about her death and those of half the people she most loves.

"I wouldn't say that," Jean protests. "There will still be you, and Hertha and Albedo, and everyone at the Church. Not to mention the populace. Mondstadt is stronger than a few individuals."

"Mmm. I think you underestimate how much of that strength leans on Gunnhildr shoulders, you know. And Ragnvindr wealth, but since Diluc is your Sekirei, you're perfectly placed for a fall." Kaeya's mouth twists in another smile, at least halfway real this time, unexpectedly warm and fond. Jean's stomach flips over as she recognizes, no doubt years late, the tenor of that warmth. "I don't think I want to be on that survivor list."

He reaches up and wraps a hand around the back of her neck, gently enough that if she wanted she could pull away. Then he tugs, drawing her face further down, almost to his own, close enough that she can feel the cold breath from his parted lips on her own. He pauses there and raises an eyebrow.

"It would be nice to know now if I'm going to get electrocuted for this," he says. He raises his hand from the back of her neck, giving her room to pull away.

"Not on my watch," Jean assures him, and brings her mouth down on his.

Kaeya arches up into her, hand coming up again to press her down with more force this time against his mouth. He nips at her lips, huffs a snort through his nose at her protesting noise, then shifts to deepen the kiss, his other hand coming up to clutch her shoulder. His wings spread out behind him, sharp knife-blades of white ice arrayed like feathers, a deadly-looking display.

Then the foot bracing him against his desk slips, and the chair falls backwards, just as Jean has always expected it to do. He yelps, his hands clutching tight on her shoulder and neck, and Jean grabs his elbows and yanks him up to keep from going down with him, and they tumble backward together, Jean landing on her ass and Kaeya landing in her lap.

His chuckle is as audible in her head as without. Jean focuses on that, on getting a feel for him, the new shape in her thoughts. There's a sense of cold water racing downstream, dark things vaguely felt in it under a screening layer of ice. She carefully turns her attention away from what he surely doesn't want her to see. His amusement is safer, chill and sharp-edged as the illusion of his wings, but less likely to hurt.

"I hadn't expected that strong a connection," Kaeya murmurs, sounding vaguely dazed. He steadies himself on her shoulders and, still straddling her lap, leans forward to rest his forehead against hers. "Good. That's extra insurance. Now, where were we?"

***

Jean is careful not to draw upon their bond when she goes to Diluc for help with the Stormterror issue. He'll step forward for Mondstadt's sake however she asks him, so it would only be cruelty to apply that extra leverage. He holds himself a little apart throughout each stage of the plan, addressing their fortuitous traveler more than he does her. Jean carefully ignores the ashy ache in the back of her head and, in case he might feel it in answer, suppresses any hurt.

At the end they're standing before Dvalin, or rather dashing around him, dodging his attacks as Venti aims arrow after arrow at the remaining clot of poisonous blood upon his back. Diluc swings his blade again and again, flame running down the length, but Jean realizes eventually that he's putting forth no more strength than that.

In a brief pause as Dvalin lifts off, Jean carefully positions herself and whispers her norito, surrounding them and the traveler and Venti with a swirl of dandelion-scented breeze. Then, as the pause stretches on, she looks to Diluc.

"I'm not sure why you're not using your norito," she says, regretting that she has to say this before Venti and the traveler but hoping he'll understand the need. "But it would be a great help to us here."

Diluc flashes her a glance, his face twisted with frustration. "I can't," he snaps. "I've been too long separate from my Vision, and that- there was other interference. It's as if I'm unwinged again, though I can tell I'm not."

Jean swallows. This is an unfair place to ask, but there is unfair and then there is dead, which she very much does not want any of them to be, and which they may be soon. "Would it help if I redid your winging?"

"I don't know." Diluc draws himself up and takes a half-step towards her. His gaze is sharp and searching, as fierce as that of his hawk. "It might, but I would not ask you to do that uselessly."

Would not ask- Jean is starting to recognize a pattern. She sighs, then lowers her sword and drops her focus on the healing wind, stepping in and turning to close the distance with him. He's taller than her now, if by barely an inch or so, and she has to turn her face up towards his. He leans down to meet her, his gaze still hawk-like and intent.

"Is this really the time?!" Paimon shrieks from the dubious safety of the distant air, barely audible over the rumbling roar of Dvalin coming around for another run.

But there's heat all around Jean, the insubstantial fire of Diluc's wings flaring out behind him. As Dvalin barrels down on them, Diluc breaks away from her, spins about with his flaming claymore raised, and hurls a phoenix forth to meet him. Bird slams into dragon in a great flare of flame, and Dvalin, his guard burnt away, drops onto the platform, neck limp, forelegs barely holding him on. The traveler springs up onto his neck.

Right behind comes Jean, and Diluc behind her, while Venti shoots frantic arrow after arrow from the platform below. Even as she raises her blade for a swing, she can feel Diluc's determination echoing her own, still gritty and ashy but hot and intense in a way it hasn't been in five long years. He's back with her again, her lost Sekirei. Just as Eula is, a chill snow-sparkle in the middle of reconaissance on the Fatui in Dragonspine, and Lisa, a staticky buzz of irritation on the edges of some furor in Mondstadt, and Kaeya, a cold sharp blade of vicious joy as he carves his way through enemies somewhere Jean probably doesn't want to know.

All safe and alive and *hers*. Jean will let the traveler have credit for this battle. Having them all in her heart again is triumph enough.

#i don't know what to tag this au and i definitely don't want to tag all the relationships so we'll leave this with #someone please give jean a nap #genshin impact #this is completely unedited fyi #because if i edited it i'd have to take it seriously and the secondary source cannot take this #i just... wanted kissing... that's really all #jean's harem #sekirei impact #ascended fic

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