#I could dissect that one for days they’re such good foils

[nomsfaultau]

What would you say is your favorite part/scene of fault, also what do you imagine Red to taste like?

For one, Red’s texture would be kinda awful. Like thick water that prefers to clump to itself in tendrils. I imagine Tommy misses forks a lot. Red tastes slightly salty and a little bit metallic. Since it basically magically floods the amygdala in order to produce a flight or fight response, I functionally compare it to adrenaline, which can result in a metallic taste in one’s mouth. The salt is since Red is also kinda analogous to sweat. Ew. Potential other flavors when he’s super duper stressed include bitter (adrenaline concentrations) and sulfur (fear sweat). Tommy would not be delicious if he was having a panic attack that’s for sure.

And ahhhhhhh favorite scenes! Such a tough one! I’ll break it up by character bc I’m not getting anywhere else wise:

Tommy: Ember. The scene where Tommy fights against his touch starvation in order to finally let go of his toxic relationship with Philza. When Philza’s affectionate touch begins to burn him and Tommy finally recoils. Just…recognizing that his desperation has led him to ignore so much and finally learns how to stop blaming himself for everyone. Even if Tommy was acting on misinformation, getting Philza off a pedestal was still huge. Philza: Malachite. When he returns to his Collected in full dragon mode. Something just hits me about a massive dragon being guided home by tiny bees. The beauty of him but also the sheer destructive force. And the pure uncertainty of it, if Philza even remembers his loved ones at all. The terror of not only the heart break if he doesn’t, but also the possibility that such a powerful destructive creature could slaughter his children and not even notice. Tommy’s swirl of gut wrenching emotions and awful hope as he’s face to face with a massive dragon, only to get licked. One of my favorite cliff hangers tbh. Also the entire amnestic arc is such a fun way to explore different facets of Philza after he haunted the narrative for ages. The Blade: Unfortunately most of his coolest scenes haven’t been posted yet. But I do adore the fight scene in Alabaster where The Blade is having this epic show down with the organ house (creature pulled straight from my nightmares). He caused the problem by trying to take care of his friends, and he’ll solve it using exactly that. Very good indicator of the larger problems he faces. Also the fact he’s doing a Cool Fight Scene…while his mane is in braids, his hooves are covered in nail polish, and ‘Tommy wuz here’ is plastered on a tusk. The Blade can just get silly with it in a way the others can’t sometimes, and it’s refreshing to have the most chill functional guy be the one with bloodthirsty voices. The Blade makes the active choice to be far less edgy than he could be, and I adore him for that.

Wilbur: Midnight. It’s such a small scene, but the moment where Wilbur is out stealing food and he comes across a pet dog. I think it perfectly encapsulates the warring tension inside Wilbur between his pure survivalist mindset and his softer side. I like the way he refuses to let himself admit what he’s doing as Wilbur tries to forget everything that happened in the Foundation, which simultaneously leaves the reader in suspense for what he’s doing as he inches his knife closer to the dog’s throat. And that last line that suddenly says so, so much about the memories Wilbur is repressing: Wilbur really, really did not like shock collars. Perfect amount of building suspense to an answer that only creates far more urgent questions it refuses to address.

Tubbo: Old Gauze. Might be recency bias, but I just love when Tubbo decides to start screaming at Philza in the middle of the woods. It really encapsulates some of Tubbos’ glaring predjudices but also the flaws in Philza’s simplistic morality system (or lack thereof). Tubbo has a lot of unhealthy beliefs about hatred, guilt, and empathy. Plus the utter hypocrisy of saying Philza has no empathy while actively dehumanizing Philza…delicious. I think in stories with a moral of ‘killing people bad :(‘ it becomes really easy to make the pacifist character the unequivocally good guy. And I want Tubbo to be just as messy and flawed as everyone else. (Also really like the tiny scene in Atramentous where Tubbo starts disassociating about proper tree trimming techniques while their house is literally being invaded by Foundation soldiers.)

Though really any scene where I get to mash different character’s moral philosophies against one another like a kid with action figures automatically gets a lot of my love. I imagine readers probably have vastly different favorite scenes than I, given some of them are tiny in the grand scheme of things. Feel free to share parts that made you unhinged.

[whump-town]

Was Hotch Abused?

I offer you my 2,300+ worded thoughts on the matter with episodes included. There's going to be lots and lots of talk about abuse so you're going to want to steer clear of that if that's something you're not cool with but for those of you interested... I give you all the proof I could think of:

Natural Born Killer.

In the eighth episode of the first season, “Natural Born Killer”, we meet Vincent Perrotta. His father was abusive but from the outside looking in, no one knew a thing. Perrotta started drinking at fourteen and committed petty crimes, as well as assault, for pleasure. Going as far as to kill his own father not too long after. But Perrotta is a monster and a psychopath so it’s clear we’re not supposed to sympathize which makes his interaction with Hotch so peculiar.

Hotch is our “Captain America”. A true neutral with an infinity for doing what’s right so it’s inconceivable to compare him to Perrotta and yet Hotch gives us some rather conflicting lines to dissect.

Before Gideon hands the interview over to Hotch, he spends a moment talking with the others out in the bullpen. The whole time he’s leaned back and he’s watching Morgan and Hotch. Now, at this point, we don’t know about the sexual abuse Derek Morgan faced at the hands of Carl Buford but there’s something about the way that Gideon spends the entirety of the conversation only looking at the two of them. Waiting for them to put together what he clearly already has and when Hotch does…

Hotch jumps straight into Perrotta’s profile, asking: “You grew up in a house that looked normal and happy, didn’t you Vincent?”, “But your father beat you every chance he got”

Perrotta excuses it with a shrug, “he smacked me around some, didn’t everybody’s old man?”

Abuse is a complicated thing and, often, abused children just don’t know what their parents are doing to them is abuse. It can be a subtle and outright thing but there’s an element of normalcy to it. The parent’s abuse is as habitual, as minimal as biting your nails to the child. Adults often can’t identify their parent’s past abuse.

With Hotch you learn that his lack of expression is often as telling as his expressions and as Hotch looks back at Perrotta, there’s something so sad about his eyes. His voice goes from loud, assertive to his whispered answer to Perrotta’s question. “No.” As if, well, maybe that’s a question he’d raised once too.

Perrotta doesn’t care about that though and he taunts “well, maybe if yours had you would have learned to fight”. But is it not more telling that Hotch didn’t make a sound? Perrotta got in several hits and the only sound Hotch made was when the wind was literally punched out of him. Not even when Gideon called to him and at that point, Perrotta did not the garrote around Hotch’s throat. That’s another thing mentioned before in the profile and something Hotch mentions to Perrotta directly. You learn to take the beatings, smile even. So, it’s just a little odd how little Hotch responded…

But that’s all nothing, you can take that how you want

Which leads us to the fateful, not everyone comment.

"You were just responding to what you learned, Vincent. When you grow up in an environment like that, an extremely abusive and violent household... it's not surprising that some people grow up to become killers"

That can’t mean NOTHING, there’s so much there but there’s something about Hotch’s subtle wording. The way he’s unconsciously slipped himself in there (a very real thing that people do) and he hasn’t even realized it. Doesn’t even know he’s done it until Perrotta pushes and he pauses, asks what Perrotta means. And the subtly of it, the way he doesn’t even mean to that says more than anything else.

“And some people grow up to catch them.”

It’s a super-specific comment to make. He can’t possibly be talking about Derek because he doesn’t even know about Carl Buford yet not to mention saying that about him would be incredibly rude if he were talking about Reid (and again, he doesn’t know about Reid’s childhood yet). So… that really only leaves him because JJ, Garcia, and Elle were not abused.

“P911”

In season two, episode two “P911” the team is hunting down a man trying to sell a young boy, Peter, on the black market. Kevin Rose is an underage boy “selling” himself on the internet while his abusive father has been in prison. I’ll let you just guess who it is that leads the team on finding out more about Kevin.

Your guess is more than likely right-- Morgan and Hotch. Now, we know about Morgan but come on. Nothing to say about it being Hotch who makes the emotional appeal?

The camera even follows his gaze, he’s crouched down (to appear non-threatening because he’s so close) and we watch his eyes take in the scars on Kevin’s chest. You can also note that while Gideon remarks that Kevin’s father was “always drunk, you never knew why he was hurting you, why he was so angry” both Kevin and Hotch look away from him.

AND FUCKING TRY AND TELL ME THE “some grow up to catch them” LINE WAS NOTHING TRY BECAUSE GUESS WHAT GIDEON SAYS? NO, NO GUESS--

Gideon: “At night you’d cry yourself to sleep hoping someone would come and save you”

And it’s HOTCH, HOTCH IS THE ONE TO SAY: “You have the chance to be the one who saves someone, Kevin. You can be the one who answers him, the one who stops his pain.”

PARALLELS PEOPLE THE PARALLELS

“Profiler, Profiled”

I bet you weren’t expecting this one, huh? But there’s something about people who faced trauma that makes it so perceptible to other traumatized people-- they sniff it out like coke to a drug hound. And, just guess, who it is that spends the majority of his time fighting with Morgan? Who knows (like I said about the bloodhound) immediately there is something Morgan’s hiding.

Hotch is angry, he’s upset that Morgan would hide anything. Mumbling about there being “larger implications” and how the team can’t have secrets. With the knowledge of exactly what that secret is it makes Gideon’s eye roll a little telling. Because it’s like they both know but neither will say. Driven home by Gideon turning the attention to Hotch, asking “would you want us profiling you?”

And again Hotch is the one to leap onto the abuse. The one to put the pieces together. Hotch’s anger makes no sense. He says he’s angry that Derek’s keeping a secret but the team has many, way too many. Over the years the team unwraps all kinds of secrets, he’s never angry then. So, it’s not about the implication of a secret at all. It’s what the secret is, like misplaced anger. Anger with himself may be leftover from his own abuse. But still…

Hotch lets Morgan escape. Knows exactly who and what Carl Buford is but all he tells the team is that “he won’t even speak about him”. He always knows how to find the abuse… like I said, a bloodhound.

George Foyet

I know you’re going to find this so fucking surprising but guess who also was abused? George Foyet was beaten by his biological father and his mother didn’t save him so he hates women (bleh, men are disgusting what’s knew).

Now, blah, blah, blah Hannah, I know you’re not about to say Foyet and Hotch are a lot alike-- no of course not. Don’t be silly. What I’m going to say is that they’re foil characters? They accent one another in an opposites sort of way. Foyet is a manipulative narcissist who doesn’t work well with others. Hotch is a guilt-ridden team leader who can’t let The Reaper’s case go. There are meant to be comparisons drawn between them. A good villain does that. George Foyet shows us that Hotch is not at all this removed, cool guy that we’ve previously assumed him to be. He cries in an alley because he blames himself when The Reaper kills a busload of people.

We see he has a rather compulsive nature. He never let The Reaper case go and has very personal ties in this case. Not even after Foyet attacks him, if anything it’s worse. He brings the case file home.

But it’s certainly interesting to see yet another “villain” with that same tragic abusive father and submissive mother come into play with Hotch. We’re nearing a point where it’s getting hard to call it coincidence (and according to David Rossi, there simply is not such thing).

Haunted.

In the second episode of the fifth season, “Haunted”, Hotch voice’s over a Dickinson quote: “One need not be a chamber to be haunted, One need not be a house; The brain has corridors surpassing. Material place.” These quotes are often cheesy, if not a little cliché, but given the premise of this episode is in exploring the ways in which a man’s traumatic childhood has left him now grappling for a truth he can not define… well, maybe we can say the writers were onto something here.

Darrin Call, debatably the Unsub of “Haunted”, was abused by an alcoholic father. We see several signs of it throughout the episode-- Darrin’s delayed speech & severe neglect that leaves Darrin in dirty, hole-riddled clothing. If what we see is not enough, the reports that the team is given on Darrin explicitly state that he was extremely physically abused. It is this abuse that leads to the PTSD that he’s diagnosed with.

As sad and disheartening as Darrin Call’s life is, overall it’s the sort of episode that is forgotten over time. When it’s placed right after the episode that viewers have to watch Hotch say goodbye to Haley and Jack then, who is Darrin Call when compared to the agony of watching Hotch show genuine weakness? After watching Hotch lay in a hospital bed, tears in his eyes wondering if his son will remember him? His fears become our own and after watching George Foyet disarm and mutilate the one guy we’ve been led to believe for five seasons is infallibly, unflinchingly never going to break… well, Darrin Call has it bad but our focus is elsewhere.

It’s on Hotch, right?

The guy who is coming back to the job after only a month (and a day) off to recover. Who Morgan worries might have PTSD but he knows they can’t easily measure because Hotch wrote the questionnaire, he knows all the right answers. Who we see has had new locks installed since the attack and has Foyet’s file sitting open on a table for easy access. Who hears Darrin Call’s life (worked the same job without promotion for years before getting fired, no wife, no kids, a hermit) and bluntly asks why Darrin hasn’t just killed himself.

And let’s just take a moment to break down that comment. Hotch, who in the episode previously lost his wife and child, wants to know why a man who is steadily starting to sound a lot like him hasn’t just killed himself.

And I don’t say “sounds a lot like him” lightly.

Darrin Call has PTSD. Hotch, more than likely, has PTSD

Here are some signs just from that episode: hostility (he yelled at Garcia over something very small), self-destructive behavior (he ran into Darrin Call’s father’s house without a vest, back-up, or telling the other’s what he was doing), and guilt (blamed himself for missing the eye twitching Darrin exhibited because of his years of antipsychotic use)

Darrin Call was abused… this marks the second HEAVILY implied time that Hotch has been compared to another man abused by his father

Vincent Perrotta was the first with that hard to forget the exchange

George Foyet and his notably exactly the same past as Perrotta

“Haunted” feels like it’s supposed to prove to the audience that Hotch is losing it. He distances himself from Morgan, leaving every room that Morgan is in. He doesn’t pick up Garcia’s calls after Darrin Call attacks his therapist. The only glimpse we see of the old Hotch is with Emily, pulled to the side, but his guilt burns and he even brushes her off. Shaking his head and turning his back to her because somehow he should have seen something no one else did.

Throw in Reid’s comment about Call “victims are often drawn to the scene of their first trauma” and we’re painfully reminded of Hotch’s apartment. A place you’d think he’d want to escape but didn’t. The man was stabbed nine times in his own apartment and stayed in that same place. Almost sounds like that statement could be applied to Hotch too.

A dash of Hotch’s own comment about where Call would go to in his confusion and he says “to what he knows”, even the importance of how that orphanage is “where he became Darrin Call”. Where does Hotch go? What does Hotch know? The job.

So… we tally now three total Unsubs that Hotch has this direct relationship with. Three Unsubs with abusive fathers and mothers who couldn’t protect them. Hmm… coincidence?

Brothers Hotchner

Supervisor Special Agent Hotchner is a master of hiding, that is undeniable. It’s hard to see anything behind those furrowed brows and impersonal suits and that’s likely for a reason. However, anyone with a little sibling can tell you that no one on this Earth can and will annoy the ever-loving shit out of you like a sibling.

But that’s not really important. Sean and Hotch don’t talk about their parents. At all. Ever.

Hotch says that when Sean was in the first grade he got sent off to boarding school. “I was the screw-up making bad choices”. Interesting enough of a statement to make but you throw in the rough ages of Sean and Hotch at that time and it’s a little more than just “interesting”. You have Hotch at roughly 14-15 getting into trouble just like Morgan did at that same age (coincidence???).

(now you can certainly look at Hotch’s parentification vs. Sean’s immaturity doubled with substance abuse problems but we’d be stretching. “The Tribe” touches on the parentification but Sean just calls it “the big brother” thing and tells Hotch that he’s not Sean’s father and it’s fine it’s whatever. Hotch is a bit pushy. That’s not new. Substance abuse can just be a problem, it doesn’t have to be bc they were abused but again… a little coincidental)

So... was Aaron Hotchner abused as a child? I certainly think so

[sakkac]

re: fumetsu no anata e as of chapter 139.2

this started as a response to @bestbonnist​‘s post on chapter 139.2 but now i’m just dissecting differences and similarities between tonari, mizuha, and kahak like im writing an essay for a uni class. i interchangeably use he/they pronouns for fushi and my writing may be clumsy (bc im not actually writing for uni ❤️).

mizuha is a broken mirror to tonari (and kahak a foil to the two aforementioned) in this modern-day arc, especially in their expressions of love for fushi. tonari’s love for fushi is aged over hundreds of years and mizuha’s, at first glance, is an infatuation just based on how long they’ve known each other. im the biggest kahak stan ever, but even i understand kahak’s love started as an infatuation for parona’s form. though, i’d consider the word infatuation compromised when it comes to defining mizuha’s love, bc u cant be sure if her love for fushi is entirely her own, seeing as it had been passed from generation to generation of guardians.

(chapter 134, read right to left)

tonari and mizuha aren’t that different once you look deeply into the both of them. mizuha’s personality and actions are factors in tonari’s dislike of her, but what ultimately repels tonari from mizuha is that she knows they’re similar, and that manifests most clearly in how she reacts to fushi being with mizuha. i.e. resenting fushi for using her friends’ vessels to help their “love life” in chapter 135.5. she can’t stand mizuha bc mizuha is able to express her love for fushi and fushi does not reject (or accept) it; tonari still hasn’t fully admitted to herself that she likes fushi romantically (perhaps because she can’t separate it from the devotion that led her to harden her body to poisons and to promise her corpse to rest at fushi’s feet), so seeing mizuha appear to progress further than she has irritates her. as for kahak, tonari only has the biases of the other pseudo-immortals and her own of past hayase reincarnations to rely on. (this is not as plot-related, but these two also both like books. kahak read tonari’s fushi book, so i wish they actually met, but in a world where tonari didnt hate hayase beyond death.)

tonari as a child seemed like she thought herself superior to others, perhaps a natural result of her upbringing. she was raised on a prison island, but she herself never committed any crime; banding together w other kids like her, writing about her life in her book (which keeps her separate from or above others in a way). but this thinking ceases at her relationship w fushi. however, i believe this started before they even met. tonari’s childhood dream at seven years old was to write a book her father would be impressed by. she also used to believe in god, while her family was still whole. she even prayed to god when he decided to participate in the tournament in chapter 35. however, she stops referring to god by the time her father had shown tarnish. coincidentally, she meets fushi, who would “upend everything... jeannanda and [her] fate.” she ends up, instead of writing for her father, writing a book to allow a peaceful existence for fushi for whenever they decided to come back. this act shows that the adult tonari has written fushi to a level above her, out of her reach. 

(chapter 35)

here i’ll quote ray’s words about kahak and tonari: “she also has a surprising amount in common with Kahaku, too, with the ‘I want to protect you even if you disagree.’” the way tonari had waited and honed her body for fushi resembles kahak’s attachment; she had finished living for herself, so now she was only allowing herself to live to further create an ideal vessel for fushi (which also brings up one of hayase’s goals). the difference is that kahak lived for fushi because, as raikkousaki said, fushi was the only thing he was “ALLOWED to live for.” however, while tonari is unquestionably devoted to fushi now, what pulled her to him was black hood’s coercion. as a result of black hood’s words to her, she manipulated fushi into helping her solve her problems, to save her from the island. this first “meeting” also revealed that she was attracted to their white hair; she later admits that she admires their fair skin, contributing to the idea that she could view fushi as the equivalent of a god or at the least, a vision of purity (which is :/ imo, bc of her dark skin). we should also keep in mind that, this, technically her first impression of fushi, and his later display of violent immortality in the arena would further his image as a “legend.” 

mizuha was exposed to fushi’s immortality and reveres him like tonari and kahak respectively do and did. instead of the specific word “legend,” it’s “immortal monster.” her first formal exposure to fushi’s fabled power was not unlike tonari’s, since mizuha had went into her grandfather’s library and read on fushi in chapter 124.1. after this, she manipulates fushi to save her, again paralleling the beginning of tonari’s relationship with fushi, but it’s from her overbearing mother and herself. both tonari and mizuha forced their problems onto fushi, but mizuha doesn’t have black hood stepping in front of her saying “you must lead him.” instead, she may have been influenced by the left hand, but i believe mizuha’s thoughts are majorly her own (left hand lies in wait within mizuha’s consciousness like a predator), and what they appear to say is that she’s leading fushi until he decides to follow her willingly. as for kahak, we only have a few pages on his childhood and what we can make of it and of his actions as an adult is that he was willing to follow fushi wherever they went, until left hand betrayed them both.

mizuha’s superiority complex comes from a different place than young tonari’s; she was a prestigious child from young, in addition to her fear of her uniqueness fading as she aged. this caused her to feel separate from other children. when she meets fushi, she sees how different he is from everyone else and uses subtle ways to keep him with her, while never directly admitting she wants him to stay with her, except for ch 125′s “i’m scared. stay with me tonight,” after her mother’s sudden murder. she usually uses excuses instead, like cutely demanding fushi to walk with her after school and go on dates with her.

(chapter 36 vs. chapter 128.2)

as fushi was introduced to the people around tonari and mizuha, they received similar reactions, i.e. “your hair is so pretty!” and “woah, his hair is white!” in the pages following these, the similarities continue into tonari and mizuha gaining ownership over fushi: in ch 36 oopa declares “tonari found him. so he belongs to tonari,” while the islanders try to get on fushi’s good side, and in ch 128 fushi goes out of their way to ask which club mizuha belongs to when asked to join a club (vocalizing her claim on them so she doesn’t have to directly do so).

(chapters 38, 106, and 139)

when the opening comes for mizuha to actually admit her feelings in chapter 139, she tries, but demands instead, “so... love me.” this recalls kahak’s confession to kai in 105.3, that he wants to “protect fushi’s humanity.” kahak and mizuha were both covered in blood when they spoke, but the atmospheres and characters are different; mizuha is clever w her words, but still too immature to let go of her pride, whereas kahak was the exact opposite. he rid of himself of his pride for fushi when he was a child, but said a lot of the wrong things to fushi when it came down to it. additionally, mizuha, when she wants something, she’ll phrase her words so that it seems like there’s only one choice: to follow her. this has been the case for others including fushi (chapters 120.2′s testing of hanna with “if i died, would you cry for me?” and 132.1′s “i’ll teach you about love” and the following guilt-trip). tonari is more direct with her words and meaning than either mizuha or kahak, bc of her personality. she directly confronts fushi when she realizes he had felt betrayed by her in chapter 38, because she still needed him for his plans. but mizuha is more direct with her actions; in chapter 129.1, she latches herself onto fushi, while trying to get information out of him. after the failed marriage proposal, rather than physically attaching himself to fushi like mizuha, kahak used acts of domesticity and protection to subtly appeal to and maintain his space next to them.

(chapter 38 vs chapter 139)

tonari’s “there are people in this world who are better off dead” above isn’t far from the knockers’ reasoning behind “wishing for death is paramount to being dead” and the reason for mizuha’s mother’s death: left hand decided to “eliminate the cause of [mizuha’s breaking point’s] stress.” what this shows is that tonari can also justify murder, though granted, this is from a hundred chapters ago. however, this black and white thinking comes back in the modern era where tonari holds prejudice against mizuha because of her relation to hayase. tonari knows her dislike of mizuha is unfair, she can’t get around it. tonari is still as prideful as she was when she lived on jeannanda; it’s just that she is able to use fushi to justify her opinions now. i also want to bring up mizuha’s reaction to her mother’s death and funa’s knocker’s “purging and guidance.” mizuha seems comfortable with the sight of death, despite having a more normal childhood than tonari, because her actual main concern overwhelms it; she is always thinking on how she can appeal to fushi (almost like kahak), or in other words, how to salvage her pride. so instead of being concerned over being the actual murderer, she is concerned with appearing as a murderer to fushi.

so to actually answer ray’s question, objectively, tonari’s love is as excessive as kahak and mizuha’s. but personally, i think tonari’s love for fushi right now is also unhealthy, though it comes out of good will. kahak’s love also ended in fushi’s benefit, but it was undoubtedly unhealthy. and ofc, mizuha’s love is also unhealthy; she reaches for fushi for perfection, tonari reaches for fushi for humility.

[silvokrent]

RWBY Character Analysis: Pietro and Penny Polendina

Up until now I’ve been keeping quiet about my opinions on the newest volume, in no small part because my personal life has been one absurd setback after another, and I haven’t had the energy to engage in fandom meta. If you do want to know what my current opinion of RWBY is, go over to @itsclydebitches blog, search through her #rwby-recaps tag, and read every single one. At this point, her metas are basically an itemized list of all my grievances with the show. I highly recommend you check ’em out.

Or, if you don’t feel like reading several hours’ worth of recaps, then go find a sheet of paper, give yourself a papercut, and then squeeze a lemon into it. That should give you an accurate impression of my feelings.

In truth, I have a lot to say about the show, particularly how I think CRWBY has mishandled the plot, characters, tone, and intended message of their series. And while I enjoy dissecting RWBY with what amounts to mad scientist levels of glee, I think plenty of other folks have already discussed V7′s and V8′s various issues in greater depth and with far more eloquence. Any contribution I could theoretically make at this point would be somewhat redundant.

That being said, I’d like to talk about something that’s been bothering me for a while, which (to my knowledge) no one else in the fandom has brought up. (And feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.)

Today’s topic of concern is Pietro Polendina, and his relationship with Penny.

And because I’m absolutely certain this post is going to be controversial and summon anonymous armchair critics to fill my inbox with sweary claptrap, I may as well just come out and say it:

Pietro Polendina, as he’s currently portrayed in the show, is an inherently abusive parental figure.

Let me take a second to clarify that I don’t think it was RWBY’s intention to portray Pietro that way. Much like other aspects of the show, a lot of nuance is often lost when discussing the difference between intention versus implementation, or telling versus showing. It’s what happens when a writer tries to characterize a person one way, but in execution portrays them in an entirely different light. Compounding this problem is what feels like a series of rather myopic writing decisions that started as early as Volume 2, concerning Penny’s sense of agency, and how the canon would bear out the implications of an autonomous being grappling with her identity. It’s infuriating that the show has spent seven seasons staunchly refusing to ask any sort of ethical questions surrounding her existence, only to then—with minimal setup—give us Pietro’s “heartfelt” emotional breakdown when he has to choose between “saving” Penny or “sacrificing” her for the greater good.

Yeah, no thanks.

If we want to talk about why this moment read as hollow and insincere, we need to first make sure everyone’s on the same page.

Spoilers for V8.E5 - “Amity.” Let’s not waste any time.

In light of the newest episode and its—shall we say—questionable implications, I figured now was the best time to bring it up while the thoughts were still fresh in my mind. (Because nothing generates momentum quite like frothing-at-the-mouth rage.)

The first time we’re told anything about Pietro, it comes from an exchange between Penny and Ruby. From V2.E2 - “A Minor Hiccup.”

Penny: I've never been to another kingdom before. My father asked me not to venture out too far, but... You have to understand, my father loves me very much. He just worries a lot.

Ruby: Believe me, I know the feeling. But why not let us know you were okay?

Penny: I…was asked not to talk to you. Or Weiss. Or Blake. Or Yang. Anybody, really.

Ruby: Was your dad that upset?

Penny: No, it wasn’t my father.

The scene immediately diverts our attention to a public unveiling of the AK-200. A hologram of James Ironwood is presenting this newest model of Atlesian Knight to a crowd of enthusiastic spectators, along with the Atlesian Paladin, a piloted mech. During the demonstration, James informs his audience that Atlas’ military created them with the intent of removing people from the battlefield and mitigating casualties (presumably against Grimm).

Penny is quickly spotted by several soldiers, and flees. Ruby follows, and in the process the two are nearly hit by a truck. Penny’s display of strength draws a crowd and prompts her to retreat into an alley, where Ruby learns that Penny isn’t “a real girl.”

This scene continues in the next episode, “Painting the Town…”

Penny: Most girls are born, but I was made. I’m the world’s first synthetic person capable of generating an Aura. [Averts her gaze.] I’m not real…

After Ruby assures her that no, you don’t have to be organic in order to have personhood, Penny proceeds to hug her with slightly more force than necessary.

Ruby: [Muffled noise of pain.] I can see why your father would want to protect such a delicate flower!

Penny: [Releases Ruby.] Oh, he’s very sweet! My father’s the one that built me! I’m sure you would love him.

Ruby: Wow. He built you all by himself?

Penny: Well, almost! He had some help from Mr. Ironwood.

Ruby: The general? Wait, is that why those soldiers were after you?

Penny: They like to protect me, too!

Ruby: They don't think you can protect yourself?

Penny: They're not sure if I'm ready yet. One day, it will be my job to save the world, but I still have a lot left to learn. That's why my father let me come to the Vytal Festival. I want to see what it's like in the rest of the world, and test myself in the Tournament.

Their conversation is interrupted by the sound of the approaching soldiers from earlier. Despite Ruby’s protests, Penny proceeds to yeet her into the nearby dumpster, all while reassuring her that it’s to keep Ruby out of trouble, not her. When the soldiers arrive, they ask her if she’s okay, then proceed to lightly scold her for causing a scene. Penny’s told that her father “isn’t going to be happy about this,” and is then politely asked (not ordered; asked) to let them escort her back.

Let’s take a second to break down these events.

When these two episodes first aired, the wording and visuals (“No, it wasn’t my father,” followed by the cutaway to James unveiling the automatons) implied that James was the one forbidding her from interacting with other people. It’s supposed to make you think that James is being restrictive and harsh, while Pietro is meant as a foil—the sweet, but cautious father figure. But here’s the thing: both of these depictions are inaccurate, and frankly, Penny’s the one at fault here. Penny blew her cover within minutes of interacting with Ruby—a scenario that Penny was responsible for because she was sneaking off without permission. Penny is a classified, top-secret military project, as made clear by the fact that she begs Ruby to not say anything to anyone. Penny is in full acknowledgement that her existence, if made public, could cause massive issues for her (something that she’s clearly experienced before, if her line, “You’re taking this extraordinarily well,” is anything to go by).

But here’s the thing—keeping Penny on a short leash wasn’t a unilateral decision made by James. That was Pietro’s choice as well. “My father asked me not to venture out too far,” “Your father isn’t going to be happy about this”—as much as this scene is desperately trying to put the onus on James for Penny’s truant behavior, Pietro canonically shares that blame. And Penny (to some extent) is in recognition of the fact that she did something wrong.

Back in Volumes 1 – 3, before the series butchered James’ characterization, these moments were meant as pretty clever examples of foreshadowing and subverting the controlling-military-general trope. This scene is meant to illustrate that yes, Penny is craving social interaction outside of military personnel as a consequence of being hidden, but that hiding her is also a necessity. It’s a complicated situation with no easy answer, but it’s also something of a necessary evil (as Penny’s close call with the truck and her disclosing that intel to Ruby are anything to go by).

Let’s skip ahead to Volume 7, shortly after Watts tampered with the drone footage and framed her for several deaths. In V7.E7 - “Worst Case Scenario,” a newscaster informs us that people in Atlas and Mantle want Penny to be deactivated, despite James’ insistence that the footage was doctored and Penny didn’t go on a killing spree. The public’s unfavorable opinion of Penny—a sentiment that Jacques of all people embodies when he brings it up in V7.E8—reinforces V2’s assessment of why keeping her secret was necessary. Not only is her existence controversial because Aura research is still taboo, but people are afraid that a mechanical person with military-grade hardware could be hacked and weaponized against them. (Something which Volume 8 actually validates when James has Watts take control of her in the most recent episode.)

But I digress.

We’re taken to Pietro’s lab, where Penny is hooked up to some sort of recharge/docking station. Ruby, Weiss, and Maria look on in concern while the machine is uploading the visual data from her systems. There’s one part of their conversation I want to focus on in particular:

Pietro: When the general first challenged us to find the next breakthrough in defense technology, most of my colleagues pursued more obvious choices. I was one of the few who believed in looking inward for inspiration.

Ruby: You wanted a protector with a soul.

Pietro: I did. And when General Ironwood saw her, he did too. Much to my surprise, the Penny Project was chosen over all the other proposals.

Allow me to break down their conversation so we can fully appreciate what he’s actually saying.

The Penny Project was picked as the candidate for the next breakthrough in defense technology.

Pietro wanted a protector with a SOUL.

In RWBY, Aura and souls are one of the defining characteristics of personhood. Personhood is central to Penny’s identity and internal conflict (particularly when we consider that she’s based on Pinocchio). That’s why Penny accepts Ruby’s reassurances that she’s a real person. That’s why she wants to have emotional connections with others.

What makes that revelation disturbing is when you realize that Pietro knowingly created a child soldier.

Look, there’s no getting around this. Pietro fully admits that he wanted to create a person—a human being—a fucking child—as a "defense technology” to throw at the Grimm (and by extension, Salem). Everything, from the language he uses, to the mere fact that he entered Penny in the Vytal Tournament as a proving ground where she could “test [her]self,” tells us that he either didn’t consider or didn’t care about the implications behind his proposal.

When you break it all down, this is what we end up with:

“Hey, I have an idea: Why don’t we make a person, cram as many weapons as we can fit into that person, and then inform her every day for the rest of her life that she was built for the sole purpose of fighting monsters, just so we don’t have to risk the lives of others. Let’s then take away anything remotely resembling autonomy, minimize her interactions with people, and basically indoctrinate her into thinking that this is something she wants for herself. Oh, and in case she starts to raise objections, remind her that I donated part of my soul to her. If we make her feel guilty about this generous sacrifice I made so she could have the privilege of existing, she won’t question our motives. Next, let’s give her a taste of freedom by having her fight in a gladiatorial blood sport so that we can prove our child soldier is an effective killer. And then, after she’s brutally murdered on international television, we can rebuild her and assign her to protecting an entire city that’s inherently prejudiced against her, all while I brood in my lab about how sad I am.”

Holy fuck. Watts might be a morally bankrupt asshole, but at least his proposal didn’t hinge on manufacturing state-of-the-art living weapons. They should have just gone with his idea.

(Which, hilariously enough, they did. Watts is the inventor of the Paladins—Paladins which, I’ll remind you, were invented so the army could remove people from the battlefield. You know, people. Kind of like what Penny is.)

Do you see why this entire scene might have pissed me off? Even if the show didn’t intend for any of this to be the case, when you think critically about the circumstances there’s no denying the tacit implications.

To reiterate, V8.E5 is the episode where Pietro says, and I quote:

“I don’t care about the big picture! I care about my daughter! I lost you before. Are you asking me to go through that again? No. I want the chance to watch you live your life.”

Oh, yeah? And what life is that? The one where she’s supposed to kill Grimm and literally nothing else? You do realize that she died specifically because you made her for the purpose of fighting, right?

No one, literally no one, was holding a gun to Pietro’s head and telling him that he had to build a living weapon. That was his idea. He chose to do that.

Remember when Cinder said, “I don’t serve anyone! And you wouldn’t either, if you weren’t built that way.” She…basically has a point. Penny has never been given the option to explore the world in a capacity where she wasn’t charged with defending it by her father. We know she doesn’t have many friends, courtesy of Ironwood dissuading her against it in V7. But I’m left with the troubling realization that the show (and the fandom), in their crusade to vilify James, are ignoring the fact that Pietro is also complicit in this behavior by virtue of being her creator. If we condemn the man that prevents Penny from having relationships, then what will we do to the man who forced her into that existence in the first place?

Being her “father” has given him a free pass to overlook the ethics of having a child who was created with a pre-planned purpose. How the hell did the show intend for Pietro to reconcile “I want you to live your life” with “I created you so you’d spend your life defending the world”? It viscerally reminds me of the sort of narcissistic parents who have kids because they want to pass on the family name, or continue their bloodline, or have live-in caregivers when they get older, only on a larger and much more horrific scale. And that’s fucked up.

Now, I’m not saying I’m against having a conflict like this in the show. In fact, I’d love to have a character who has to grapple with her own humanity while questioning the environment she grew up in. Penny is a character who is extremely fascinating because of all the potential she represents—a young woman who through a chance encounter befriends a group of strangers, and over time, is exposed to freedoms and friendships she was previously denied. Slowly, she begins to unlearn the mindset she was indoctrinated with, and starts to petition for agency and autonomy. Pietro is forced to confront the fact that what he did was traumatic and cruel, and that his love for her doesn’t erase the harm he unintentionally subjected her to, nor does it change the fact that he knowingly burdened a person with a responsibility she never consented to. There’s a wealth of character growth and narrative payoff buried here, but like most things in RWBY, it was either underdeveloped or not thought through all the way.

The wholesome father-daughter relationship the show wants Pietro and Penny to have is fundamentally contradicted by the nature of her existence, and the fact that no one (besides the villains) calls attention to it. I’d love for them to have that sort of dynamic, but the show had to do more to earn it. Instead, it’ll forever be another item on RWBY’s ever-growing list of disappointments—

Because Pietro’s remorse is more artificial than Penny could ever hope to be.

[365days365movies]

May 10, 2021: Blade Runner 2049 (2017) (Recap: Part Two)

Said I’d talk about artificial humans in sci-fi, so...

There are a HELL of a lot of examples of artificial humans in science-fiction, as well as the ethical and philosophical concepts that their existence raises. Now, your definition of “artificial” may differ from medium to medium. At its base form, these are humans that are not born, but made. I’ll be talking fleshy organic humans, not robotic ones. The most common of these is, of course, clones.

A clone, strictly speaking, is a genetically identical copy of a pre-existing organism, in this case a human. While this isn’t technology we’ve applied to humans as of yet (due to the NUMEROUS ethical problems and questions), we have done so with animals, mostly sheep and cats. It’s actually a good way to de-extinct certain species, and we’ve already done experiments with that. Of course...that has its own concerns.

Keeping up the Jurassic Park reference streak! Anyway...

There are a FUCKTON of examples of clones in science-fiction, but since I’m a massive comic book nerd, I’ll use Superboy. The genetic combination of Superman and Lex Luthor, Conner Kent is one of the most prominent clone superheroes. He’s not the only clone of Superman, of course. He’s not even my favorite clone of Superman, to be honest...

Bizarro am the worst. ME WILL LIVE ON THAT HILL.

Oh, and let’s not forget THE most prominent artificial human in comic books PERIOD. I don’t care what her origin in the movies is, that’s never been my favorite version of Wonder Woman. Making her a demigod robs her of something important, in my opinion.

...Should I make a comic book blog? Shit, thinkin’ about it.

OK, before I do that, these are just my favorite examples. Fact is, there are FAR too many examples of artificial humans to go into, whether they’re built, grown, sculpted, conjured, or a chemical reaction with an extra ingredient in the concoction.

And look, I could go on all day about this, but we got a long-ass movie to get back to. SO, lets jump back in. Part One is here!

Recap (2/2)

Understandably exhausted, K returns home, confused and conflicted. However, he’s greeted with a surprise from Joi: a prostitute! Namely, this is Mariette (Mackenzie Davis), one of the girls who approached him earlier. Joi’s called her here in order to be “real” for K, the effect is impressive, if somewhat...off-putting. Still, while K obviously didn’t need this to be happy with their relationship, Joi might, and Mariette’s all on board.

And it doesn’t take K terrible long to get on board, either. As both Mariette and Joi strip, it makes me wonder...how much does this subscription service for Joi cost. There’s no goddamn way this is free, right? Like, how exclusive IS this AI? And they cut from that scene to a Joi commercial, where we hear that Joi becomes anything you want her to be, and does anything you want her to do. But something tells me that...well, that it’s not quite so simple.

Once the night is over, Joi tells Mariette to leave, and not nicely either. Mariette leaves, rebuking her on the way out as well. K, meanwhile, knows that the Blade Runners will soon be coming after him. He’ll be going on the run, and Joi wants to go with him. And so, they put her inside of a remote device, while deleting her information from the main apartment console. This gets the attention of Luv, who head over to the apartment to figure out what’s going on.

K goes to Doc Badger (Barkhad Adbi), who analyzes the horse for him. It’s discovered that old radiation can be found there, and that amount and kind of radiation can only be found in areas where a dirty bomb has been set off. This would be in the desolate and weird-ass ruins of Las Vegas. While nobody lives there at this point, K and Joi go to check it out.

An IMMENSELY frustrated Luv, unaware of K’s discovery about himself, goes to confront Joshi about K’s whereabouts. Luv berates her for being afraid of change, and tells her that she “can’t fend off the tide with a broom”. Which is a great line. However, as Joshi is no use to her at this point, Luv just straight up kills her. Which, I’m sure, will go over well with the whole “Replicants aren’t dangerous” thing.

Meanwhile, in Vegas...shit is WEIRD. First off all, the desolate wasteland is full of statues of giant sexy wimmin, and I mean GIANT statues. Beneath one of them is a series of beehives, which K goes into to get a hand of beeeees. After that, he goes into an abandoned hotel/casino, rigged with tripwires and booby traps. OK. What.

So, somebody’s using this place as a hideaway, despite the entire city being destroyed by a dirty bomb, and probably extremely radioactive. K searches around and finds it empty. He begins to play a piano, hoping to draw someone out. He ends up drawing out a dog, as well as the inhabitant of the hotel.

Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford), baby! Quoting Stevenson’s Treasure Island and holding K up at gunpoint with dog at side is the original Blade Runner himself, Rick Fucking Deckard. God, I love this. Deckard hunts K down throughout the casino, where we see some trippy holograms, and the future of Vegas stageshows (probably).

The two fight, but eventually call a truce and decide to get a drink at the bar. K gets to it pretty quickly, and confronts Deckard on his potential child with Rachael. He confirms that Rachael was indeed pregnant by him, but he had never met his child. Which was the plan, to be fair. He wanted their child to be protected, not hunted down and eventually dissected.

Sometimes, to love someone...you gotta be a stranger.

To an old Frank Sinatra song, a forlorn K (now calling himself “Joe”) looks around, and sees carved wooden animals that resemble the horse that’s haunted his life and memories so much by this point. Which makes sense, considering the foil unicorn from the previous film. Neat little tie-in there.

But paradise is not all it’s cracked up to be, as someone soon comes to find both K and Deckard, despite the fact that K came alone. Although, now that I think about it, Joi may not be one that you can truly trust. Deckard and K try to escape their pursuers, but are caught pretty quickly. In the process, K is injured, but manages to get up in order to fight back. However, this is Luv with these people, and she beats K down EASILY. Turns out that Luv is actually an enforcer, rather than just a secretary. And when Joi awakens from K’s device to ask her to stop, well...she kills the device, and she kills K. In the process, she also takes Deckard away, leaving K behind. Fuck.

K wakes up, only to discover Mariette standing over him in the Las Vegas wasteland. She takes care of him as he wakes up, also stitching up with wounds from the explosion. She tells K to trust her, as well as her compatriots. One of them is the hooded woman from earlier, a Replicant named Freysa (Hiam Abbass). An old friend of Sapper’s she saw the delivery of the child, the “miracle”, and also hid the child away, as it was a symbol that the Replicants are more than just slave, that they are their own masters.

Freysa is building a revolution in order to free the Replicants once and for all. And I’m hard-pressed to disagree with their cause, not gonna lie. However, this comes at a price. In order to prevent Wallace from killing the cause, K must prevent Deckard from leading them to Freysa. They must do what they can until they can reveal the child to the world. For she will be their leader.

Fuck.

Understandably COMPLETELY crushed at this revelation, and more confused than ever, K collapses. Freysa tells him that they ALL wish they were the one, and they all believe. It’s at this point, that K realizes exactly who the Hybrid is: Dr. Ana Stelline. The horse from earlier, it turns out, did in fact belong to her, and she planted her childhood memory with the horse in K’s mind as a Replicant. Damn. DAMN! That’s why the memory moved her so: because it was hers.

Meanwhile, Deckard awakens to a separate nightmare: Jared Leto telling him how he feels about him. After all, Deckard helped to create the first Replicant-human hybrid. He asks him for his help in obtaining the child, so that the key of Replicant reproduction can be further unlocked. And he proceeds in convincing Deckard by playing audio of Rachael and his first meeting (from the first film, of course).

Niander fucks with him further, by suggesting Deckard was summoned all those years ago specifically to fall in love with Rachael in order to father a child with her. But despite all of this, Deckard refuses to give up any of his information. And so, Niander pulls out his ace-in-the-hole...and it’s a real shitty thing to do to a man in mourning. 

Damn. Dude rebuilt Rachael, tries to tempt Deckard with her, FAILS, then lets Luv shoot her in the head. Fucking power move, and fuck Niander for playing it. Dude is a DICK. Meanwhile. that one visual from every single ad of this movie is happening, and I can FINALLY use one of the 8000 GIFs of it, goddamn.

Not gonna lie, it’s an iconic appearance, so I get why it’s so famous. Anyway, K considers a suicidal option, now that he knows the truth. However, before we get to see the final decision, we get to see Deckard being taken back to LA for interrogation by Wallace. However, to prevent him from potentially leading Wallace to the secret of Ana Stelline, K suddenly appears, opening fire on their ship.

The craft is downed, and K exits the car to engage in a firefight with Luv. He appears to win, but Luv isn’t killed once she’s shot. The two have a fistfight out in the rain, and Deckard waits for water to slowly kill the craft that he’s still inside of.

As expected, Luv handles herself well, and despite a number of close calls, she JUST. WILL. NOT. DIE. Damn, she’s resilient. However, despite K, Luv, and Deckard all nearly drowning in an INTENSE fight between the Replicants, an enraged and crazed Luv finally eventually drowns, ending her threat for good. 

K saves Deckard from the sinking ship, and agrees to stage his death, allowing him to meet his daughter for the first time. Once at her facility, K returns Deckard’s horse to him, knowing that it was a gift from him. He tells Deckard that his best memories all come from her, implying that this makes him similar to Deckard’s son, which he picks up on when he asks if he’s OK.

Deckard goes to meet his daughter, and K hangs out on the stairs outside. He feels the snow fall on his hand, and he just...watches it all fall around him. He sits, and he watches it all. And meanwhile, Deckard meets his daughter for the first time.

...Can I just say...GODDAMN!

That movie was absolutely stellar, and it’s definitely landing in the high ‘90s for me, calling it now. I...wow. Seriously. Amazing.

See you in the Review!

[hardnoctlife]

My Thoughts on FFVIIR

It’s been a few days since I finished FFVIIR, and I wanted to put my thoughts on the game into words, but I gotta get a few housekeeping things out of the way.

1.       These are all MY opinions. I understand and respect that others may have different opinions from me, however, that does not make this an open invitation for argument in the comments, bashing, etc. I have no problem blocking anyone who wants to be an asshole. Just be nice, please.

2.       I grew up playing FFVII and all of its spin-offs. FFVII was my first RPG, and ultimately what got me into playing video games. Nostalgia is a -huge- part of why I enjoyed FFVIIR so much, and therefore I am openly biased towards the game. I’m interested to hear the thoughts of people not familiar with the original, because they’re seeing the story with a fresh set of eyes.

3.       With that being said, I’ve already noticed drama surrounding FFVIIR fans who -have- played the original vs. those who haven’t, or those who haven’t played Crisis Core, etc. I am firmly of the belief that this is a great game for new and old fans and won’t tolerate any condescending attitudes in either direction. Video games are supposed to be fun, so let’s just all agree to enjoy the thing TOGETHER, shall we?

Alright, now that those things are out of the way, onto my thoughts. **MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD**

I’m going to be breaking this up into sections, because there is just too much to dissect! Let’s start with the characters.

“The Good Guys”

Cloud: Still my favorite character of all time, even more so after playing the remake. And of course, he is gorgeous. I could stare into his eyes all day. I know there has been a lot of controversy over getting new voice actors for the remake, but I feel like his VA did a great job. They nailed his personality of “broody asshole with a heart of gold”, and I think the remake had reasonable and believable character development when it came to Cloud’s interactions with the other party members. His dynamic with Tifa, Aerith, and Barrett was also spot on. I think it was a good move on Squeenix’s part to keep him pretty much the same, because he’s such an iconic character for the entire Final Fantasy series, so no complaints on my part!

Jessie: Okay, so, I hated Jessie at first. She was too flirty and all over Cloud for my liking, and I felt this strange disconnect between the “I used to be an actress but now I’m fighting for the planet” part of her backstory. Yes, she was still spunky in the original, but they didn’t draw it out nearly as much (I assume because she was killed off early). I -do- appreciate that the developer’s felt the need to give her more depth and show more interactions between her and Cloud and everyone else, but I also thought it detracted from Cloud’s relationships with Tifa and Aerith to an extent, especially the whole scene where she was asking him to come back to her place with him (yikes). And, true to Squeenix form, they killed off her character, even while letting Biggs and Wedge live (they both died in the original). So, in that sense, I didn’t really care that much for her, although her final scene with Cloud was very moving and redeemed her in some ways for me. So, yay for more screen time, but c’mon Squeenix, why do you gotta use your female characters this way?!

Biggs & Wedge: I loved the updates to their character models, and like with Jessie, I appreciate they tried to give them more depth and dialogue to make their involvement more significant. It did throw me for a loop when they both ended up living instead of dying when the Sector 7 plate fell. I was delighted to discover they survived (until I found out Jessie died and they didn’t). At times, I felt like their exalted importance detracted from other characters, especially at the end in Shinra HQ where Wedge shows up to warn everyone and Avalanche comes in to try and rescue Cloud & the gang, only to imply that he dies -there- instead. To me, it felt like an unnecessary moment to add in, but hey, there are only so many characters in the remake that people get to see, so why not give the Avalanche crew a more important role? I’m interested to see if this means that they’ll be returning in the next installments as they may be ‘fated’ to survive.

Barrett: What a glow up! Barrett looked good, he sounded good, his character was solid and true to the original. I have to say my favorite thing to see was how the banter and dialogue shifted between him and Cloud as you progressed through the remake. They went from basically hating on each other to complimenting each other and being buddy-buddy, and it was truly heartwarming. I even enjoyed using Barrett in battle (more on the fighting system later), which was refreshing. It was a good move on Squeenix’s part to show his softer side by including more scenes with Marlene, and he’s an excellent foil to Cloud’s character, which I feel was consistent for both games.

Tifa: My lady, the love of my life, my HERO. Tifa was -amazing- for me. Also, her VA was probably my favorite of the bunch. The updates to her outfit were much needed, yet she still retained her sexy allure, even if it was a little awkward to hear all the male NPC’s talking about how hot she was all the time. Other than Cloud, she was my favorite party member to use in battle—what a total badass!—and the scenes with her and Cloud made me squeal with delight. I was grateful for the extra attention put into their relationship, and how it was made clear that she was just as important and strong as the male characters.

Aerith: First, the positives. They expanded Aerith’s fighting range, which was appreciated, because in the original I only used her as healer. Her personality shone through a bit more, as she was even ore outgoing than I remembered her being (and even cursed a few times!), and I loved all of her interactions with Tifa and Cloud (my favorite trio/love triangle). Her backstory was pretty well communicated regarding the Ancients and her relationship with Shinra. On the flip side of things, I found her party banter annoying as hell and her voice grating at times (it reminded me of a high school girl), and I’m not sure how I feel about her interactions with the Whispers and what that implies for future installments. There was some hinting at the end of the remake that Aerith may not die like she did in the original (at least that was my interpretation), and I’m not sure whether I like that possibility or not, mainly because Aerith’s death is one of the most memorable scenes of FFVII, and that would change the entire plot. For better or for worse, who’s to say?

Red XIII: I loved all of the scenes with Red! His voice fit him really well, and they showed a lot of character development with him and the group in a short amount of time. I was sad you couldn’t control him in your party, but I’m hoping that will change in the next installment. I’m excited to see his backstory in Cosmo Canyon when we finally get to that point in the remake.

Chadley: This kid was annoying and weird, and I wasn’t sure exactly what his deal was, but he was definitely shady AF. Not sure why he was entirely necessary if he was simply a way to upgrade your materia, but hey, I’ll take that assess materia from ya buddy if it means new stuff for me to use. 

Johnny: Johnny grew on me. Was he also annoying and weird too? Yes. But he reminded me of a Prompto-Gladio lovechild and turned out to be a sweetheart, so I say he can stay, Squeenix.

“The Bad Guys”

Shinra executives: Not much to say here for me other than great job in bringing this diabolic group to life. Yep, still hate every one of ‘em. They stayed pretty much true to their original selves, and all of them matched what I remembered of them, right down to the dialogue. I thought it was an interesting choice to see Sephiroth kill President Shinra (in the original you just find him dead at his desk, impaled on Sephiroth’s sword), but I’m not complaining. That guy was a grade A asshole.

The Turks: Love, love, love how they portrayed each of these guys, and showed how they are also unwilling participants in all of Shinra’s shit. They definitely made them more likeable from the get-go and I felt a lot of callbacks to Advent Children. Reno cursing and being sassy was probably one of my favorite things out of the entire game. He had -so- many great lines, even if they weren’t direct translations of the Japanese. I’m hoping they will include more of the Turks in future installments (like Cissnei in Crisis Core) and continue fleshing out their story arcs.

Rosche: Okay, unpopular opinion, but I did not like this guy at all. I’m not sure what the hype is about him all over my social media. Could be the mullet, which is an automatic ‘no’ for me (Gladio from FFXV being the only exception), but he seemed like an irritating and very pointless addition to the game. His sole purpose appeared to be to prepare you for escaping Shinra and fighting from Cloud’s motorcycle towards the end, but I felt like he could have been taken out of the story entirely without missing anything. I didn’t hate as many of the newer characters (like Leslie) as much as I did him, but I guess he and I just didn’t vibe. I’m assuming he’ll return later on, so maybe my opinion will change. (I sure hope so.)

Leslie: Okay, at first, I was like, “who is this knock-off Noctis wannabe?” but I really enjoyed the backstory and depth they gave this seemingly minor character. I see that Squeenix is trying to provide new things for older fans to take interest in, and in this case, I felt he was a nice touch. (Edit: I was told that Leslie, Kyrie, and some of the other new NPCs were featured in an audio book?! Which I had no idea even existed, so...the more you know!)

Don Corneo: Even slimier and creepier in HD! Honestly, hats off to Squeenix for translating what was possibly the most cringy and controversial part of the original in a ‘tasteful’ way in regard to all of Wall Market. This guy was definitely a worthy villain in the remake.

Rufus: Holy hell. I never ever in my life thought I’d be saying this, but wow, is Rufus hotter than I remember. Thank you, Squeenix for giving me another foxy bad boy to drool over. He was also, for me, the hardest and most frustrating boss battle (even more so than Sephiroth), but it was totally worth dying to watch all the cut scenes with him over again. Can’t wait to see more of him in the next installment.

Hojo: God, I hate this guy. I know you’re -supposed- to, but he is such a creep. Hearing his dialogue in the remake was even worse than reading it in the original. Gotta say, dealing with his four wards in Shinra HQ was my least favorite part of the game by far, but I know he will get his comeuppance later down the road. All the dialogue was just as shocking as I remember, so, yeah. Good job?!

Sephiroth: Alright, anyone else feel like they made Sephiroth EXTRA SEXUAL in this remake?! You too? Oh, good, good, same bro. Now, it could just be me projecting, but anytime he came on the screen…panties were dropping y’all. Of course, I’m not one to complain about Sephiroth content. On the contrary, I lap it up like I just walked through the desert and found an oasis, BUT, I will say this…you barely see Sephiroth at all at this point in the original. As a reminder, the remake only covered the first 4-6 hours of the original game, and I get you can’t really do a remake without at least SHOWING Sephiroth for the people who have been waiting to see him in HD, but with that being said, he was VERY involved. I love Sephiroth, he’s a great villain, but they are definitely changing things with him, so I guess we will have to wait and see what happens.

My one criticism? His voice was my least favorite out of the main characters. Not saying the VA didn’t do a great job, but it didn’t sound deep enough to be as intimidating. I prefer the VA who voiced him in Advent Children, but I’m sure it will grow on me in time.

Gameplay

Battle system: When the remake’s demo was released, I remember a lot of people were complaining about how ‘difficult’ the new battle system was, but I absolutely love it. It’s just the perfect balance of turn-based and real-time, with plenty of options for customization. If you want more real time, you can set your short cuts, and if you want more turn-based, you also have that option. My only real complaint was that item use is also tied to the ATB bar, but overtime I figured out when to heal myself in a timely fashion (after dying more than a handful of times). Button mashers won’t enjoy this battle system because it requires a little more strategy, but I think the point was to create an updated version of the original fighting style that would appeal to both old and new players, and it definitely delivered. Seeing the classic limit breaks used and being able to run around during battle was so much fun for me, and I about died when I saw Cloud strike his OG victory pose in Wall Market’s coliseum. Also, the transition between running through Midgar and entering battle was SO incredibly smooth and seamless that at times you didn’t notice the shift. Phenomenal.

o   Boss Battles: As much as I enjoyed the battle system of remake, some of the bosses felt unnecessarily hard and/or tedious (I’m looking at you, Hell House). Making use of the assess materia early on definitely helped me out, but I legit got bored at times, especially that damn giant robot you fight with only Barrett and Aerith when escaping Shinra HQ. This is really just a minor complaint, but there were a couple bosses where I died several times (*cough* Rufus *cough*) before I figured out the secret to defeating them, while others were super easy or just not that interesting. Meh. For context, I played on “normal” mode, but it truly felt hard in certain scenarios. (That could just have been me trying to get used to the new fighting style.)

o   Materia: speaking of materia, I did notice some new materia in the game, which was neat, and although I didn’t care for Chadley (dude, where are your parents?) it was nice to have a way to develop and earn new materia throughout. I found it somewhat strange that summon materia was just a thing you could get so early on instead of having to work for it, but I was excited to use it. Shiva and Ifrit were definitely my favorite summons (which hasn’t changed from the original for me). My one big question: where is the freaking ‘all’ materia?! I know they kinda split ‘all’ up into many different types of materia, and you do have ‘pray’ for healing your entire party, but man, that was so versatile in the original so that was a hard adjustment for me not to have use of it.

o   Weapons: I think it’s cool that they developed an upgrade system to make use of your weapons long term, giving them their own abilities, strengths, and weaknesses. Made me think of FFX where you used the spheres to upgrade your characters. Also? I loved being able to see materia in my weapons when I switched them out. That was a really neat touch. 

Music: And here I thought they couldn’t make the music of the original game any more epic, but they definitely outdid themselves in the remake. I enjoyed hearing all the remixes and ways they wove the classic themes into different parts of the games. I think my favorite was when you’re going through sector 5 with Aerith and have to control the giant robotic hands. The music in that section SLAPPED. The in-game jukebox was also a nice way to honor the old school classics. Hearing Aerith’s theme for the first time just about made me cry, and listening to One-Winged Angel fighting Sephiroth? Nothing could beat that moment musically for me.

Side quests: I’m not sure about anyone else, but I really didn’t care for the side quests. They weren’t very fun for the most part, and considering how linear the game is, they felt more like chores that needed to be completed because I had to, and not because I wanted to. The only exception was Wall Market, but all-in-all, most of them didn’t add much to the story, unlike in FFXV where I could go down a rabbit hole of sidequests for hours and hours.

Graphics: This is clearly stating the obvious, as anyone with eyes will tell you, the game is nothing short of gorgeous. I cannot tell you how many screencaps I took of just Cloud. It was definitely a world that I wanted to run around in for hours (and did) and will do so again and again just to look at all the little details. My favorite thing to do is watch comparison videos of the original and remake openings side-by-side. How crazy is it that technology has come this far!

Playtime: My biggest critique of this game is that it was too damn short. Stretching the first 4-6 hours of the original into 40 was definitely impressive, but considering I waited 20+ years for the remake, it was pretty disappointing to finish the game in less than a week. Like most people, I’m wondering just how long they plan on stretching this out, how many installments there will be, and when the second part will be released. Hopefully not another ten years, but it -is- Squeenix we’re talking about...

Storyline

Most people who played will tell you that most of the remake stayed very true to the original, even lifting some of the exact dialogue and scenes. The nostalgia hit me so hard in parts that I was literally in tears. The first time I watched the opening in the demo, I cried. That’s the power this game has over many people, including myself.

In other ways, the remake improved on parts of the story or re-imagined them. We always knew it wasn’t going to be a copy and paste of the original story, which I’m sincerely grateful for. I would seriously hope that after 20+ years they would have thought of ways to improve or polish FFVII and make it new and exciting for returning fans and people just picking it up.

My pros regarding the updates in the story:

- They fleshed out many background characters and added in new ones. Most of the core group spent more time interacting, and the party banter felt natural and progressed realistically as the game went on.

- New mini-games and side quests expanded on the slums and made the areas larger and more interactive, yet they still kept the nostalgia of iconic locales.

- Plenty of fuel to fan shipping fires with emotionally charged scenes and pretty boys abounding (Cloti and Clerith especially).

- All of Wall Market was brilliantly done. I was wondering how they’d update it for the new generation, and it was seriously the best part of the game for me (and had me laughing the entire time).

-  Hinting that Zack is alive and/or Aerith may live is something I’m listing as a pro, only because I would love to see these characters used to their full potential, however, this is also a con for me, and I’ll explain why.

My cons:

Whispers: If you played the original, you probably had the same reaction as I did when the ‘Whispers’ showed up. “Wtf are these dementor-looking things?” At first, I thought they might be something similar to what we saw in Advent Children, and that they were ‘remnants’ or parts of Sephiroth, or somehow his minions, or even souls from the Lifestream, etc. When I found out they were actually supposed to be ‘protectors of fate’ or whatever, I rolled my eyes, especially when Barret was ‘killed’ by Sephiroth and then miraculously brought back to life. It felt very ‘deus ex machina’ to me in the sense that ‘everything has to go a certain way because we said so.’ While it makes sense, I really wasn’t buying it, but I’m assuming that we will learn more about them in the second installment. 

The Ending: The whole final boss battle of the remake was surprising, because it felt almost exactly like the final boss bottle of the original game, right down to the cutscene where Cloud is thrown through space and faces off against Sephiroth one-on-one. Before you defeat the ‘harbinger of fate’ (anyone else get KH heartless vibes?) and fight Sephiroth as the final boss, Aerith goes on her long spiel about ‘fate’ and ‘destiny’ and ‘this will change us,’ and it’s laid on so thick that it’s almost like they were setting us up for an alternate timeline, which is entirely possible, but that’s all speculation at this point. Regardless, they made it clear that whatever is coming next is going to be -very- different from the original, or possibly is going to be another timeline of the story, especially since Zack was shown alive and well. One criticism I heard from someone who hadn’t played the original game was that they treated Sephiroth and Zack like people you were supposed to know, and I can agree with that. They didn’t spend -any- time explaining their significance, backstory, or why people were so afraid of Sephiroth other than showing you little flashbacks into Cloud’s deranged memories, so in that sense, the ending might have fallen flat for those who don’t know exactly what Sephiroth represents or who he is, or why he stole Jenova from Hojo’s lab, etc, etc. Plus, throwing in Zack at the end is something that anyone who played the original game or Crisis Core would get, but new fans would also not understand the significance of. Personally, I screamed when I saw Zack because I was so happy , but I can see why that ending would be very unsatisfying and/or confusing for some.

Overall: 9/10

No, it doesn’t get a 10/10 for me, even as someone who absolutely loves Final Fantasy VII, but hey, no game is perfect. It’s honestly hard to live up to the hype this game has created since it was officially announced, and all things considered, Squeenix -did- live up to it. I will still be eagerly awaiting part two, playing the shit out of this game and squeezing the most I can out of it until I get to experience more.

I’d love to hear what other people thought (so long as the discourse is respectful of course). If you read this far, thanks for listening to my ramblings!

[searchingwardrobes]

Self-Promo Sunday: Everyone Needs a Mother

I was inspired to write this story after reading a novel called No Other Will Do by Karen Witemeyer. In it, the main character is an orphan (who reminded me a lot of Killian Jones, actually), and even as an adult with a good job, he sets aside food whenever he eats. This is actually more of a Snowing and in particular a Mama Snow story than Captain Swan, which is part of the reason I’m deleting it from Ao3. However, I still love the feels in this story and hope ya’ll do too!

Summary: Snow notices a habit that her daughter and her son-in-law share, and it breaks her mothering heart. So, like any good mother, she decides to do something about it.

Rating:G (though discussions of children going hungry could be a trigger for some)

Words: 1500 and some change

On Ao3 until 11/24/19

Tagging the usuals: @snowbellewells​​​​​ @jennjenn615​​​​​ @kday426​​​​​ @let-it-raines​​​​​ @teamhook​​​​​ @kmomof4​​​​​ @bethacaciakay​​​​​ @profdanglaisstuff​​​​​ @resident-of-storybrooke​​​​​ @thislassishooked​​​​​ @tiganasummertree​​​​​  @whimsicallyenchantedrose​ @snidgetsafan​​​​​ @delirious-latenight-laughs​​​​​​ @winterbaby89​​​​​​ @distant-rose​​​​​​ @shireness-says​​​​​​ @xhookswenchx​​​​​​ @optomisticgirl​​​​​​ @spartanguard​​​​​​ @branlovestowrite​​​​​​ @welllpthisishappening​​​​​​ @hollyethecurious​​​​​​ @stahlop​​​ @scientificapricot​​​

The first time Snow noticed the habit in Emma, they were friends and roommates, ignorant of the fact that they were actually mother and daughter. They were chatting over breakfast as Emma toasted a bagel, slathering one half with cream cheese. The other she wrapped in a napkin before racing out the door. Snow shrugged it off assuming Emma was just in a hurry and finishing her breakfast on the run. But the pattern continued. One pancake and the other to go, one sugar cookie from the booth on Miner’s Day and one slipped in the inside pocket of her leather jacket. Snow finally came to the realization that her friend squirreled away food. To test her theory, she made a huge breakfast one morning with all the works: pancakes, bacon, eggs, and toast. There was no way Emma could slip any of that in her pocket.

But she could wrap up the plate in aluminum foil and slip it in the fridge.

The first time she noticed Killian’s similar habit, she had other, more pressing matters on her mind. Like the shiny steel hook that had her jaw dropping as she pulled it from his satchel. She didn’t really have time to think about the half a hard-tack biscuit wrapped in a handkerchief at the bottom. Exactly half of the biscuit they had given him back at the camp when they thought he was just a blacksmith.

When life slowed down, Snow noticed Emma and her true love’s habit more and more. When Snow asked them over for dinner, they never finished their plates, always asking for Tupperware at the end of the evening for the leftovers. Every time they met for meals at Granny’s, Emma and Killian had to ask for a two-go box. When Regina jokingly asked why they didn’t just share a plate like Lady and the Tramp, the pair looked up with bewildered expressions. That was when Snow realized the habit was so ingrained, they didn’t even realize they were doing it.

She started watching them more closely. Killian was methodical, cutting a pancake precisely in half or running a spoon evenly down a mound of mashed potatoes. Even so, he did it on autopilot, often continuing in lively conversation as he dissected his meal. Though Emma was generally more haphazard about it, sometimes pausing before a bite, then lowering the food as she seemed to think better of it; she did count out her onion rings carefully, dividing them into two neat piles.

The refrigerator at the Jones house was packed with leftovers. When Snow commented on it to Henry, he had shrugged, eyes never leaving his video game.

“Our refrigerator in New York was the same,” he told her distractedly, “Walsh threw stuff out that had been in there for months.”

It was as if her daughter and her son-in-law were literally storing away food for the winter. She wouldn’t have been surprised to find a stock of canned goods in the shed like Doomsday Preppers. Except Emma and Killian seemed completely unaware of what they were doing.

The years rolled by and still Snow made no comment. Until her granddaughter came along and almost from the start became a food hoarder. On her second birthday, the child only finished half her slice of cake and asked, “Gamma, can I has some tuppa?” The same thing she heard her parents ask after every family dinner.

Things had gone too far, so she decided to talk it over with David. They were doing the dishes together one night, when Snow brought it up.

“David, have you noticed that both Emma and Killian only eat half of their food?”

David’s brow creased as he thought about it. “Yeah, I guess so,” then he chuckled, “that explains why they’re both so thin despite Emma’s junk food obsession.”

Snow frowned, her eyes narrowing, “It isn’t funny, David. It isn’t just that they only eat half; they save the rest for later.”

David sighed as he took in his wife’s expression. He dried his hands on the kitchen towel slung over his shoulder as he turned to her. “Honey, I know it worries you, but it’s just an old habit.”

“A habit they picked up as orphans,” Snow cried, “and before you say I’m jumping to conclusions, I asked Archie about it.”

David shrugged, “Well, that makes sense, they both spent many years unsure where their next meal was coming from. Even as adults, they had it rough. Emma admitted to you sleeping in her car was nothing new, and I’m sure pirates have lean times quite often.”

“But they don’t have to worry about that now. They have steady jobs, a roof over their heads, and even if they lost those things, they have a huge family and a town full of friends who would never let them go hungry.” Snow was pacing now, her anxiety rising. David stopped her with gentle hands to her shoulders.

“Like I said, sweetheart, it’s just a habit. Now that I’m thinking about it, I know that you’re right. But I also know that they aren’t even aware that they do it. It isn’t hurting anyone.”

Snow tilted her head up to scowl at her husband. “It’s hurting Hope. She’s picked up the habit. The other day I gave her two chocolate chip cookies, but right before she took a bite of the second one, she stopped. Asked me to wrap it up for her. Do you know what she said? Never know when the stores might get low.”

She saw David’s mouth twitch up and knew he was suppressing a laugh. “So Killian has taught her some sailor’s wisdom. Self-control and saving for later aren’t bad ideas, actually.”

Snow crossed her arms and stared at the floor for a moment in thought. Then she looked back up at her husband thoughtfully. “Maybe I should talk to them.”

David’s eyes went wide as he shook his head. “No, Snow, no! Do you know how embarrassed they both would be? And I know how you and Emma get when her days as an orphan come up.”

“What do you mean?”

David sighed deeply. “You start feeling guilty and then Emma feels bad for making you feel bad. It never ends well. Look. I know you want to mother them, but believe me, it’s best to drop it.”

Snow knew he was right, even as a frown marred her face. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his chest as he held her close. He kissed the top of her head, and her eyes slipped shut. Her husband’s words replayed in her mind. I know you want to mother them.

Snow’s eyes flew open and she smiled. That was it!

**************************************************

Snow tried to be subtle about it: an extra scoop of mashed potatoes, a larger roast for family dinners, a slightly larger slice of pie. She even got Granny in on it, convincing the woman to give Emma an order and a half of onion rings. Or at least she thought she was being subtle. Then Emma cornered her in the kitchen after a family dinner at the farm house.

“Okay Mom, what’s up?”

Snow schooled her features as she turned from the refrigerator to see Emma standing there with her arms crossed. Snow mimicked her, crossing her own arms and leaning back against the appliance. “What are you talking about?”

Emma rolled her eyes. “I’m talking about the obscenely large slice of chocolate cake you just served Killian.”

Snow laughed as she grabbed a cloth and began wiping down the counters. “Emma, he’s a grown man and a pirate. He can handle that much cake.”

“Please, Mom. You’re the world’s worst liar. I’ve noticed it for weeks now. The mountains of mashed potatoes, the extra-large roasts. And did you tell Granny to up my onion rings?”

Snow inwardly cursed as she felt heat rise to her pale cheeks. “Emma, you’re exaggerating.”

Her daughter arched an eyebrow and tapped her booted foot on the hardwood floor. “Mhm. Okay. What is it? Think we need fattening up? Worried we’re wasting away?”

Well, at least this Snow could answer honestly. She lifted her eyes to meet Emma’s. “Of course not, honey. You may be thin, but look at those arms of yours. I’ve seen you wrestle beasts, literally. And Killian may be slim, but I’ve seen those biceps when he actually takes off that leather jacket. You’re healthy as horses.”

A smile tilted Emma’s mouth, “You checking out my husband’s biceps, Mom?”

Snow laughed and flicked her daughter with the kitchen towel. “If I wanted to check out some hot biceps, I’d just admire your father with his shirt off.”

Emma’s nose crinkled, “Ew, mom, TMI!”

They both laughed for a minute or two, and then Snow came close and cupped her daughter’s face in her hands. “Can you trust me, Emma? You and Killian both went far too long without a mother, and I aim to fix that. Please?”

Snow could tell her daughter was trying valiantly to remain composed, but the sheen of tears in her eyes gave her away. Emma nodded then stepped from her mother’s embrace. Before turning to go, she shook the unshed tears away and flashed her mother a grin.

“I’m okay with that.”

***************************************************

At the next family dinner, Snow was filling up plates and passing them around the large dining room table in the farm house’s formal dining room. When she handed her daughter a loaded plate, Emma just winked and smiled at her mother. Then Snow added an extra scoop to Killian’s already massive mound of mashed potatoes, and handed him a plate as well.

The pirate winked at her as he accepted the heavy plate. “Thank you, Mother Snow.”

[hamliet]

The Faces Under Bai WuXiang’s Mask

Or, dissecting Bai WuXiang. I’m not going to get into whose face is actually under BWX’s mask (there aren’t spoilers in this meta), or into Lang Ying, but I instead want to talk about Bai WuXiang’s foiling with primarily Xie Lian and Hua Cheng, but also a bit of He Xuan and Qi Rong (fitting as BWX and the latter three are the Four Great Calamities). 

Anyways. Mount TongLu. 

The funny thing about Mu Qing and Feng Xin’s horror over Hua Cheng’s love for Xie Lian is that they think he’s a demon stalking Xie Lian with the intent of harming him. 

Feng Xin was practically getting chills looking through those murals, “My fucking god… who the hell is he? He’s been watching you since eight hundred years ago?! And he is still, even now? What the fuck! This is terrifying! Is he bewitched? What the hell does he want? Normal worshippers won’t even do this much, just what the hell does he want??”

And Hua Cheng has loved Xie Lian and lived for him for 800 years. Yet, while there is a demon stalking Xie Lian for 800 years, it is not Hua Cheng but Bai WuXiang.

Bai WuXiang’s obsession with Xie Lian seems to be that he wants Xie Lian to become exactly like him, as a sort of forced empathy (I’m sensing a pattern among MXTX villains: see here for He Xuan and here for MDZS’s Xue Yang). I’m curious to see where this develops. Bai WuXiang seems to recognize Xie Lian’s terror and understand it, even, and he wants to see it drive Xie Lian into the same kind of crying/laughing despair that governs him. 

White No-Face lifted his face to look at his eyes, and he said warmly, “Your highness, I think, you might have misunderstood. There certainly will be a Supreme who will emerge from this kiln, but, it won’t be me. It would be you.” ...

“Do you remember this cry-smiling mask?” White No-Face asked, “It suits you.” ...

Then, without giving him a chance to protest, that tragically pale cry-smiling mask melted with the infinite darkness as it was heavily pressed onto Xie Lian’s face.

This is, of course, a crucial difference when compared with how Hua Cheng sees Xie Lian. He never forces Xie Lian to do anything, and accompanies him even when he doesn’t want Xie Lian to make a particular choice. In other words, Hua Cheng gets real empathy and what it’s like, that it doesn’t mean becoming exactly like someone or agreeing all the time, but walking with them. 

Xie Lian softly sighed a breath of relief and forced a smile, “Nothing, it’s just, in these past years, how I passed my earlier days wasn’t the prettiest sight, it was all muddled and very much a failure. I just thought if you had witnessed it it wouldn’t be good.”

Hua Cheng laughed, “How could that be?”

Xie Lian however, didn’t laugh at all, “It’s not a joke, it really was quite the failure.”

Hearing this, Hua Cheng withdrew his smile and turned solemn, “That’s okay too. Didn’t your highness already say it yourself?”

“Me?” Xie Lian was confused, “What did I say?”

Hua Cheng recited languidly, “To me, the one standing in infinite glory is you, the one fallen from grace is also you. What matters is you, and not the state of you.”

Bai WuXiang doesn’t understand this perspective at all. He tells Xie Lian, regarding Hua Cheng:

“it’s probably for the best that he doesn’t come in. Otherwise, even if he doesn’t think so now, later when he sees the state of you, who knows if he’ll still want to be with you.”

He’s preying on Xie Lian’s worst insecurities, the ones he mentioned earlier: that he’s a failure, that he’s trash. I’m pretty sure this is actually what Bai WuXiang thinks of himself: that he’s a failure, and no one wants to be with him (well, I mean, look at you BWX...) 

We see these fears of being inherently bad in Hua Cheng as a little boy. Everyone seems to believe this about him, especially when the priest tells his fortune:

The Head Priest wiped his sweat and suddenly backed a mile away, “Your highness, you really picked up something you shouldn’t have up the mountain! That small child is toxic! His sign is borne of the most ominous star, the Star of Solitude*, destined to bring misfortune and destruction, the kind that evil loves the most. Whoever touches him will have misfortune befall upon them, whoever gets close will lose their lives!”

... Seeing that everyone was avoiding him like he was a poisonous snake, that child was shocked and started thrashing even harder, biting and screaming, “I’m not! I’M NOT!! I’M NOT!!!!”

Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped him around the waist, encircling his small form. A voice came from above his head, “You’re not. I know you’re not. Don’t cry, now. I know you’re not.”

That young child pressed his lips closed tightly, grabbing on to that pair of snow-white sleeves around his waist with a death grip, forced himself to hold back for a long time but in the end he still couldn’t. A stream of tears suddenly rolled down from that round, black eye, and he burst out crying.

Xie Lian embraced him from behind and reiterated firmly, “It not you. It’s not your fault.”

This scene was also paralleled recently in the confession scene in 177, where Xie Lian hugs Hua Cheng from behind to confirm he loves him. But what Hua Cheng fears is being alone because he brings misfortune to the people he loves. He doesn’t want to be alone. Connection, as we’ll see, is vitally important to staying alive and to staying connected to humanity--whether mortal, god, or demon--in TGCF. He even asks Xie Lian in the confession scene not to tell him, because he’s so afraid of being rejected, yet Xie Lian embraces him instead. 

i’m not in pain at all

When Hua Cheng is wondering what to live for, thinking he has nothing, Xie Lian tells him to live for him until he finds another reason to live for himself. This scene again emphasizes the importance of connection and the importance of empathy in connection as well, that a god would speak to a lone, desperate mortal worshipper. Live for their connection. The problem is that Hua Cheng needs to extend some of that love to himself too (like, he’s still drawing himself as exceedingly ugly in his art), but I think that comes through allowing himself to be loved by Xie Lian. So he’s on that path. 

There’s another aspect to the BWX and Hua Cheng foiling that makes me slightly uncomfortable to discuss, but it’s there so let’s discuss it. Hua Cheng’s murals that so panicked Mu Qing and Feng Xin were pretty obviously, er, erotic (the ultimate self-insert real person fanartist; Hua Cheng and Dante could get along). Bai WuXiang is definitely giving off some... creeper vibes. 

The next second, his hair was grabbed, forcibly yanked back then bashed into the ground!

His ears were ringing, his nose and mouth were filled with the astringence of blood, and his head concussed.

It was a while later before Xie Lian felt a hand pull his head out from the shattered ground, and a voice came from above, “So sad, so pitiful.”

Xie Lian choked out a mouthful of blood. White No-Face said, “Every time I meet your highness, you always look like this. Makes one ache. Makes one excited.”

It could just be the translation, but given BWX’s foiling with Hua Cheng, the scene two chapters earlier where Mu Qing and Fen Xin clearly think Hua Cheng is going to harm Xie Lian sexually and Hua Cheng assures him he has no such intentions (not that Xie Lian thought he would), plus what we know of Xie Lian’s utter commitment to abstinence does make me think that Bai WuXiang knows what he’s doing and is doing it to distress Xie Lian. I don’t think MXTX will take it very far (ie I don’t think anything will actually happen in a literal sense), thankfully, but I do think something metaphorically along those lines (ie something humiliating that denies Xie Lian humanity in a sense other than that one, BUT metaphorical is not the same thing) might have happened in the past.

There’s also the fact that Bai WuXiang slamming Xie Lian’s face into the ground and demanding he be like him at the ending of book 3, right before we dive into the past, is a reversal of the scene at the ending of book 1 right before we dive into the past, where Xie Lian slams Qi Rong’s face into the ground because he can’t get him to stop possessing an innocent father. Additionally, in this scene Qi Rong tells Xie Lian something similar to what BWX tells Xie Lian, except Xie Lian is the one in power then:

Xie Lian’s breathing was becoming more laboured, his head dizzy, his body shaking, his hands itching to crush Qi Rong’s skull, but he couldn’t do it. Qi Rong spread his hands, “Hahahaha cousin crown prince, what a failure, what an absolute failure!”

Xie Lian picked him off the ground, raised his fists and rained punch after punch on Qi Rong’s face, yelling with each punch, “SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!”

Yet, the more enraged he got, the happier Qi Rong became. To be able to drag the both of them to the same hell, Qi Rong was filled with rapture, his eyes shone brightly, “See! There’s your true face! Cousin crown prince, who knows you better than me in this world? You might look like a pathetic, drowned dog that anyone can trample now, but I know. You’re still proud on the inside; you couldn’t stand anyone calling you a failure! You must hate me for calling you a failure! Have I stabbed your heart enough to bleed? Hurry! Come! Or are you gonna tell me loudly that this body is innocent, so you won’t kill me in order to spare him? Come! Show me what you’ll do!”

It’s the same sort of temptation, except BWX has the spiritual power on his side whereas Qi Rong didn’t. Kill me, and become like me. If Xie Lian doesn’t give up, if he stands by his morals even though they’re being challenged because honestly his morals are kind of all he has at certain moments, then they themselves will be condemned, as they already know they are. But they want someone to empathize with them, to understand them. Qi Rong spent his childhood looking up to Xie Lian, wanting to be like him, and now he wants Xie Lian to be like him. He’s still a child, despite being an 800-year-old demon. I have hope Qi Rong will be able to grow a bit through being a parental figure for GuZi, I don’t really for BWX because I find him a terrifying baddie whom I love and despise at the same time. 

What sets Xie Lian apart though, the whole reason Qi Rong loved him so much in the first place, the reason Hua Cheng fell in love with him, the reason He Xuan grew close with Shi Qing Xuan, is because Xie Lian can empathize. He has a sense of wonder about the world, and he doesn’t see himself as better than anyone. He’s naive and yes, proud in some ways, but when his priests tried to kick out a child because the child had a bad fortune, he protected that child. He dove off the ceremonial cart to save a falling child. He knows he failed epically to save Xian Le from falling, to save innocents from dying, but not for lack of trying. 

He Xuan also tried to force Shi Qing Xuan and Shi Wu Du to understand his pain in losing all his loved ones. It backfired, and now He Xuan has lost the one person he still had. (I don’t think SQX is dead, but I doubt he is in a good state.) The meta I referenced earlier is entirely about this, and as @beneaththebrim wrote here, the whole Black Water arc “is a tragic mirror of the main plot.”

The faces under Bai WuXiang’s mask could easily be any of these characters, but they aren’t because they’re able to connect currently. Qi Rong has a genuine connection to Xie Lian, as twisted and torn as it is, and is developing one with GuZi. He Xuan is likely finding out that revenge on Shi Wu Du didn’t bring him the peace he wants, didn’t bring his loved ones back, and irreparably hurt the one person who loved him (Shi Qing Xuan). Hua Cheng and Xie Lian, of course, love each other, and through each others’ love, are hopefully starting, ever so slowly, to learn to love and value themselves too (Hua Cheng you don’t value yourself enough). 

Bai WuXiang is likely terrified of facing the reality that he is alone (and if he doesn’t have the human face disease or some remnant thereof since he’s the mastermind behind it and it’s symbolic of society corrupting & also of loneliness, I’ll be shocked). So no matter how many faces he has in actuality, it’s really only his face under that mask, and that’s what he’s terrified of. 

[prince-boi]

Lucas Highschool!AU

(Bulleted dot points)

Word count: 1.1k

I don't proofread because who needs to??

Btw lot’s of flirting and cringe 

Maybe some creakheaded-ness too because why not? 💁‍♂️  💁‍♂️

WOOHOO first write 2019 and a b!tch is whIPPED!!1!!!11!!!11!1!!

LETS GET IT

YoOOOoooOOOo ok

Someone come collect yO MAN

THIS GIF IS REALLY PHOWWFFWWWWWWWWWWWOOO

Bruh where do i even start????

okay but imagine him in your school uniform??? i’m gonNA DIE

He’d either be the type to arrive at school early and wait for you at the gate or be 2 hours late with a bottle of chocolate milk in his hand

There’s no in between

Moving on-

Like when he’s at school he’d do stupid shit like stick post-it notes in your book when you’re not looking

They’ll have messages in them like

“Your hair looks hella good today”

“Are you a parking ticket because you got fine written all over you ;D”

“What’s the answer to question 4???”

“Yo I got some of your fav snacks today! Not including me ;))”

Sometimes draws diccs in your homework diary-

likes to put snacks in your bag when you’re not looking

When the bell rings for Morning tea/lunch-

The moment the teacher dismisses your class Lucas would grab your wrist and zoOOM to the canteen to get some orange juice before the line gets too long-

“LUCAS I CANT KEEP UP SLOW DOWN-”

“B!ITCH I DONT WANT TO WAIT IN NO LINE”

“you’re literally dragging me-”

“You should wear heelies next time-”

Whenever you leave your class late he always saves you a seat-

but if there’s none available-

“You can sit on my lap girly ;)”

“I’ll just sit on the ground-”

“nO wait-”

Insist on walking you to class even tho most of your classes are the same?? Like??? whats the point?

Tends to rest his elbow on your head

Likes to tease you and says mANY cheesy pickup lines-

“I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you ;))”

“You wanna be a shaWTy, shorty?”

“I’m sorry were you talking to me?” [You: Um yes i was No] “Well you should start ;)”

Plays pranks on you

When he sees you coming around the corner he hides and tries to scare you-

“Lucas I saw you hide-”

“bO0! Haha, I scared you didn't I? ;)”

“I could see your heAD”

Once put a whoopie cushion on your chair for a prank but almost got his ass beAT

When you tried to give him the silent treatment he threatened to snitch on you if you ignore him any longer

“I’ll tell Thaun you were the one that spilt orange juice all over his bag during lunch”

“omg Lucas why you so mean?? :((”

“I’m sorry I won't snitch if you quit ignore me :/”

“fine-”

“AWE YOU SO CUTE WHEN YOU POUT”

“please don't squeeze y/n so hard, you’ll break them” -Taeil

“Shut up Taeil! >:(”

Oh yeah he has friends!

Most of them are close to graduating :D

but for some reason Lucas likes to hang with some younger students that he calls dreamies???

“It’s because they still have dreams in life and aren’t as dead on the inside like use older students :)))”

#studyhardguys #prayforstudents

Is reALLY good friends with his guy name Mark?? 

They lowkey have their own language becauses these headasses always saying random things and "skRRt"+ other noises

they both literally laugh at anything and everything

the both of them once got kept back after class because they couldn’t stop laughing during science when they were dissecting frogs-

“omg poor pePE”

“hEHHeHhHEHE

*extrEME whEezing and coUGHing”

“lmAOO looks at this dude dance- fRICK i dropped the frog”

“duDE EHHEHhEhhAJJDHDICW”

“BRO DoNt slIPJHSIJHAHIDH”

“See me after class boys! :/”

Even tho this boy acts stupID AF

He’s really smart and puts a lot of effort into his studies and many of his classmates tend to dismiss his achievements :(((

Of course he’s a school athlete and joins after-school sports programs too

But he would definity put his studies first if he really needed to

after all he really wants to make his parents proud and be a good role model omg stop I dont this to angsty --

During special days like Valentines, Lunar New Years or your bday etc-

He likes to gift you special stuff and its like UWU

After spending 2 months spying on you whenever you unlock your locker so he gets your passcode he always leaves you shit gifts

Like when he got you matching rings on Valentine's day-

         “Hey y/n check your locker :))”

          “Did you fill it up with all of Chenle and Jisung’s chip bags again :/”

          “How dare you think I would do the same prank again?? What do you take me for :((”

         You’d open your locker and there was this box wrapped in aluminium foil-

         “Why is it wrapped with tin foil??”

          “I wanted it to look pretty and didn't have any shiny wrapping paper :(”

           When you open it you literally almost punch Lucas in the face oOF

           There were 2 silver rings in it with both of your names carved in them-

           “ohmAGAH luCAS how much did this cost???”

           “Just as much as our friendship ;))”

            “bRUH”

            “Happy Valentines!! <3333″

So yeeeeeee you guys wore some cuteass rings 🤩🤩🤩🤩

Whenever the term/semester is about to end and most of your classes has free time

He’d whiP out his portable speaker and Mark would connect to it and play some mAD tUnes bRO🤙🤙🤙

And our boy Lucas would be getting 🔥🔥🔥🔥

He’d be dancing on the tables-

Singing like his life depended on it-

“Lucas please get down you’re gonna dIE” -Jungwoo

“i’M a bAd bih y0U cAnt kILL mE”

*crash*

“that shi huRTED”

Overall Lucas most certainly be the class clown and bring joy to many people. He'd make friends really easily - whether they're fellow students (young and old) or the teaching staff - he just has natural charm :) Even though he lives up to his rep of being a crackhead most people don't take note of his hard work in his studies and sometimes it frustrates him but that okay because he learnt not to hold grudges. He’s a good student but also knows that life is short and likes to have fun and make people smile, even if he looks like an idiot doing it :’)) He would also liked to be reassured every now and then too.

This gif is so cute uwu

[spongeguyandlelouchvibridankia]

Ranking Every Ducktales S2 Episode!: 24. “The Depths of Cousin Fethry!”

Hey-o! This is SpongeGuy!

Ducktales is an incredible show, and I’m sort of fixated right now, so I thought that for the next 24 days, I could entertain the fandom by ranking and reviewing every episode! Hope you guys enjoy this!

Now, before we continue, I must say something: I like or LOVE every episode this seasons.

Every.

Single.

One!

So before fans of this episode (and other episodes) attack me, understand: This is only last be, like, default.

Ok, now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about this episode in stages! Starting with:

SUMMERY

Huey (who I must admit is so far my least favorite triplet, though I still like him!) and Dewey, bored out of their minds, jump at the chance of an adventure when they hear of their eccentric Cousin Fethry and his underwater lab. Hijinks ensue, and Huey learns to appreciate his oddness. Also, Launchpad has a mermaid gf. So there’s that.

Let’s dissect this episode in 4 sections, starting with:

ADVENTURE

When it comes to Ducktales, there are two parts to a story: The Adventure and The Journey, if you will. The Adventure in this episode is all about underwater hijinks and discovering giant krill. On the one hand, this is such a different sort of quest in this series, that it has a very unique and fresh feel. The lab and ocean are visually interesting, and the discovery is pretty cool! HOWEVER, I must point out a big problem with this adventure (and no, it is not the fact that most of it is sort of a waste of time): It’s kind of slow. Like, really slow.

Now, of course not every adventure has to be some sort of madcap journey! But the slow pace hurts the episode a tad. It takes a long time for almost anything to happen, and while the stretches are filled with the utter fun of Cousin Fethry (Tom Kenny is such a win, and this is no exception!), the episode suffers for it. Maybe if it had a few more interesting obstacles, I wouldn’t be so harsh.

HUMOR

While admittedly this is one of the... Less joke heavy episodes, it is made up for by, you guessed it, Cousin Fethry himself! Tom Kenny brings a quirky and lovable energy to a role that could have been forgettable. His constant “Is he evil?” moments, his singing, and his fast paced taking add to the episode a ton! 

Unfortunately, he’s the only funny character. Dewey is a bit dry in this one (a rarity), Huey could have used some better jokes, and Launchpad is unfortunately missing, so even his few good gags (and they ARE GOOD!) aren’t enough. A funny performance in an otherwise dry episode. Pun shockingly not intended.

CHARACTERS

As said before, Fethry is this episodes saving grace. Whilst I do not love him like some fans in the fandom, I do appreciate what he brings to the table! He’s fully realized, likable, and just the right amount of odd! Tom Kenny’s vocal performance sells the concept, and by the end, you can’t help but feel good that he’s finally fulfilling his weirdness! Also, it’s oddly endearing to see him call Huey and Dewey “Little Donalds”, and sing to Krill.

Unfortunately, a big reason why this episode goes last in the ranking are Huey and Dewey’s roles:

It’s not that they’re bad persay, but Dewey very much feels like a spectator, mostly there to be a foil or to help Huey learn to be himself. And while that’ s not bad, he kind of feels empty, just whining most of the time.

Huey too could use a bit more... Proactivity. I like some of his stuff here, he has some good jokes, and his arc is interesting, no doubt! But... I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but I feel like he still isn’t dynamic enough to lead an episode. Of course, this is MY OPINION. I do not state this as law, so if you disagree, please do! I wish I could love Huey in this like some do, so please, if it makes you happy, be happy! This is just my silly opinion. You can totally ignore it. Just remember that it is valid.

JOURNEY

Finally, we reach the main theme: Why did we do this?

Well, to be fair, it is a great lesson! Huey accepting his eccentricities allows for some development to his character (about time) and Fethry manages to provide a good outlet to said message. It’s a positive message, and is the reason I like this episode (alongside Fethry, of course!).

In conclusion, “The Depths of Cousin Fethry” suffers from a lack of humor and pacing, not to mention a VERY BORING Dewey, but a good piece of character development for Huey, interesting visuals, and COUSIN FETHRY make sure this episodes swims instead of sink!

...Wow, that pun sucked.

Anyhow, see you next time! Oh, just one more thing: To the best of my ability, I will choose a song for each episode! Today:

[nancywheelxr]

oh no, Brainy accidentally finding the Gossip Spreadsheet

I will stand by the headcanon that while Brainy would find it weird and stupid and kind of creepy, he would absolutely use the opportunity to mess with them. It’s too good a chance to pass up.

He finds it by accident.

No, really. The search had been meant to be a simple scan of their systems, checking for any bugs or breaches on the firewall, along with the usual red alerts.

It suffices to say, the spreadsheet– it raises a couple of flags.

The Days of Our Lives is the title of the document, and Querl couldn’t figure out what it could possibly be about in a workplace environment. The only match in all the internet is with one of those so-called soap operas Imra had become strangely addicted to in her time here.

But that would make no sense.

So, for the safety of the country, it’s his duty to open it.

The first tab is named The Directors and it seems to be mainly about J’onn and Alex. Or rather, the ongoing bet if J’onn had legally adopted her or not and if he had become a vegan, tofu-maker hippie or not. Their reasons to think so seem to revolve around an incident when Alex had called J’onn Dad by mistake a few years ago and the rumor he would have been the one to walk her down the aisle on her wedding if it had happened. On the hippie instance, there are a lot of reasons listed, since his banning of lethal weapons to his resigning.

The second tab is named Supergirl and while the few debates on her true identity would be worrying, they are all so far off, he can’t bring himself to be concerned. Whoever she is, Cat Grant is apparently in the lead. Lena Luthor in a wig, tall girl from the cafeteria, and Russian spy are the runner-ups. Under that, they debate if Supergirl wears a wig or not– there are some good points, he has to admit. It almost makes him wonder.

The third tab is named Agent Dox if that’s even really his name and his interest is piqued. There are several points, but the main thing seemed to be trying to convince each other Querl is an alien. One of them remember the instance when he flew off to help Supergirl, but someone else argues it could have been some sort of experimental tech since it was an isolated incident. Another agent brings up the fact no one seems to remember exactly when he started in the DEO and how he works strangely well with the computers. The list goes on and on, with topics in favor and against the theory, and once again, it would be concerning if they weren’t blowing things so out of proportion– as it is, they sound too delusional to be taken seriously.

There’s a fourth tab named it’s like an ep of the freaking bachelor and Querl nearly laughs out loud when he reads the contents. Here, everyone seems to be weirdly invested in everyone else’s social life. More specifically, their relationships. It goes back all the way from even before Supergirl, but now? All they seem to be debating is the contents of the letter Winn’s left him. And since when he is friends with Supergirl.

At first, Querl is admittedly worried about the whole thing, and a little creeped out, but then again, humans are known to find speculating about the lives of their peers quite entertaining. And what else would be expected when you have a significantly large group of people that cannot talk about their jobs outside their workplace? They would certainly need an outlet and this at least is in no danger of breaching security.

That being said, while Querl doesn’t appreciate having his own personal life dissected like this, or especially because of his discomfort, he figures he’s allowed to have some fun with it too.

*

“Hey, man,” an agent, Richards, if he’s not mistaken, approaches him, trying to take a look at what he’s writing. “Whatcha doing?”

Querl looks up, hands artfully covering the paper. “Writing a letter. A solar flare is supposed to hit Earth in the next couple of hours and I need to send this before then if I do not want to wait another two weeks.”

Richards’s eyebrows raise. “A letter? To who?”

“To whom,” he corrects, “and the answer is to Winn. We have been keeping in touch.”

“No kidding?” Richards crows, endlessly delighted. “You guys still talk? Even with the whole Back to the Future situation?”

“Of course.”

“That’s– oh, man, okay, look I’ve gotta go, but nice talking to you, dude.” He leaves in a rush, furiously typing on his phone.

Querl bites back a grin.

“Is this really true?” Alex asks, coming to stand beside him.

“Oh, no, of course not. It would be virtually impossible,” he says, showing her the paper he had been writing in, “this is the photosynthesis equation.”

*

“So,” Agent Cruz says, drumming her fingers in the table while they wait for the computers to finish scanning the city, “any plans for the weekend?”

Querl pauses his own search for the alien DNA to glance at her, “yes, actually. Supergirl has mentioned there is a Bon Jovi concert in a nearby city, and since Mon-El has always talked highly of his skills, we have decided to attend.”

She gapes at him, eyes wide and awed. “You’re going to a concert with Supergirl?”

“Yes, that is correct,” he amends, “it was either that or another movie night.”

“Oh, that’s– you know what? I think I’m going to take my break now, you sure you can keep an eye on the scans?”

“It should not be a problem.”

Agent Cruz scurries away, cursing under her breath and nearly running into Alex, who leans against the consoles, frowning at the scene, “everything okay?”

“Yes,” Querl shrugs, grinning, “I was merely talking about the Bon Jovi concert.”

“Righ, about that– I’m thinking we should all meet at my place around noon? James is bringing snacks for the trip and I want to make sure it will all fit in the cars.”

*

“You know, I grew up in a small town,” Agent Jackson comments, watching the technicians install the new equipment, “never thought I’d see shit like this.”

Querl makes a noise of agreement, distracted.

“Aliens, spaceships, satellites,” he continues, “sounded a whole lot like science fiction back then. What about you? You used to this stuff?”

“Indeed,” Querl briefly looks away from his inspection, “where I came from alien life forms have been widely known for a long time. And technology has always been intrinsical to our daily life.”

“Is that so? Sounds like a bunch of smart people, then,” Jackson eyes him with interest, “does this place have a name?”

“Oh, you wouldn’t know it. We keep mostly to ourselves,” at least in this century. “Now, if you excuse me, I am busy supervising this installation.”

Agent Jackson apologizes heartily, then walks away, missing the snort Querl can’t stop from leaving his lips.

*

“You are doing this on purpose,” Alex narrows her eyes, hands on her waist, as she watches another agent stumble away, phone in hand. “You know they’re talking and you’re messing with them, aren’t you?”

“Are you implying I’m purposefully fueling their rumors while not confirming nor denying anything?” Querl asks, hands folded calmly behind his back.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“Then, yes, for the past five weeks.”

Alex sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I don’t know why I thought the shenanigans would stop,” she fixes him with a hard look, “Agent Carter stopped me in the hall the other day to ask if you and Supergirl had eloped last week. The week before that, it was to ask whether or not you had an identical twin working on Black Ops.”

“I haven’t heard that one before,” he says, impressed. Querl had genuinely thought he had been aware of all the rumors floating around by now. “But in my defense, the more outlandish these rumors are, the less likely it is for Colonel Haley or any other superior officer to believe them.”

She shakes her head, struggling to keep a straight face, “they do sound like tin-foil-hat conspiracies.” Alex snorts, points a finger at him, “but if they get out of hand, you’re fixing it.”

“In 98.67 % of my simulations, it never becomes a problem,” Querl tells her, running the numbers once again, “but in the unlikely event it does, I will take full responsibility.”

“That’s good enough for me,” she shrugs, already turning to leave.

“Director,” he calls, “if I may– what did you tell Agent Carter?”

“Well,” Alex grins, “I think my exact words were wouldn’t you like to know?”

[theworstbob]

the thing journal, 6.18.2017 - 6.24.2017

the things i watched or listened to last week. in this post: i’ll keep you in mind, from time to time; the bridge; henri; under your spell; the last man on earth; beautiful thugger girls; into the maelstrom; makes me sick; truth is a beautiful thing; blind; the taking of pelham one two three; big fish theory; wolves

1) I'll Keep You in Mind, from Time to Time, by Moose Blood: One day I'll remember to write down what I think about an album when I listen to it on my computer and I literally have WordPad open in another visible window. It was a great time, it's a dope emo album and I'm the sort of person that will listen to emo in 2017 and describe it as "dope," and I apologize we're starting this off with me forgetting how I reacted to something.

2) The Bridge, dir. Eric Steel: a wonderful documentary about the golden gate bridge and the people who use it! you and your family will never look at the full house credits the same way again! This is a difficult film to review because it's a difficult film to watch. There is footage of people jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, there are interviews with people who either knew someone who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge or, in one instance, are someone who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge, the throughline of the film is someone pacing back and forth along the bridge, struggling with the decision, not sure what they want to do. It's a brutal watch. And it has to be, it would have been irresponsible if this film tried to romanticize suicide, if it tried to present the jumpers as heroes flying to freedom. The people being interviewed say the jumpers were trapped in the prisons of their own heads, never quite found stability in this world, but those people are also clearly affected by the choice the jumpers made, are left wondering or, worse, knowing what they could have done better.

3) Henri, dir. Yolande Moreau: gpsh this movie took forever to get where it needed to go, and then when it got there, it didn't really do anything. i dunno, i guess i just never got on its level. i never quite figured out if the dude's relationship with the butterfly was condescending or creepy or if i was meant to think it was adorable that this mess of a man kept hanging out with the poor young woman, i could never tell if the film was sympathetic to its characters or if i was meant to laugh at those pitiful souls (it's a french film, so probably "laugh at" more than “laugh with”), and it didn't seem to take any of its characters problems seriously. i dunno, it just didn't seem like a film that needed to be made, it didn't seem to be saying anything about friendship or society or whatever, it just presented some idiots and said "make of this what you will." maybe i'm missing something, but i don't think i am? (also i signed up for Mubi. this is worth mentioning, that i signed up for a service that will present me with various foreign films and documentaries, so. look out for that, i guess.)

4) Under Your Spell, by The Birthday Massacre: shout outs to everyone who listened to this band because of game grumps There are moments on this album I can only describe as nu-metally; there are instrumental breaks on "Counterpane" that sound directly lifted from mainstream rock radio in 2003, straight-up Chevelle vibes in 2017. What The Birthday Massacre understands, though, is that 2003 has a place in 2017, and that's as color to the 1980s, and they somehow use buttrock to make their Depeche Mode-y song more interesting, feel different than it had on Superstition. The Birthday Massacre know how to make great rock songs, and it's so nice to know music like this is still being made in 2017. (Words used in this review include "nice" and "interesting." I swear I'm trying.)

5) The Last Man on Earth s2, cr. Will Forte: Binging this show may be a mistake, since the main character is so misanthropic and gross and none of the characters are good people. (Except Carol, who is trying her best all the time to just be as darn nice as possible, Kristen Schaal kinda carries this show.) It's not that I'm not impressed by this show, it's a really solid show, I just question whether I'm enjoying it. Or maybe I'm just not paying attention, I dunno, we've been over how bad I am at watching things. I loved the integration of Jason Sudeikis into the group and thought he and Will Forte played well as a successful younger brother and fuck-up older brother, like the perfect use of Jason Sudeikis is as a handsome and charming foil to a Will Forte type, and I liked Todd's slow evolution into a legit jerk, it's good! I like it! I shouldn't be consuming this in one gulp.

6) Beautiful Thugger Girls, by Young Thug: The Young Thug brand of trap is my preferred brand, for two reasons. One, Young Thug has an insane voice, and I don't mean that his songs are written from the vantage point of a crazy person, I mean that Young Thug makes these fucking mouthnoises that I was unaware a human could make. Every Young Thug song is an exploration of what his vocal chords can create. Two, Young Thug doesn't just make trap. There's a strong sense of artistic identity on his records, and that lets him play around in other genres, like, there's legit country influence on this record. It's not as towering a work as Jeffery, but few things in this world are; this is Young Thug taking some time to figure out the places he can take himself, and it is a thrill to listen to him explore his abilities.

7) Into the Maelstrom, by Bigelf: There comes a time when you need to set aside ego, forget whatever goals you've set, and admit that something is beyond your ken. I stopped listening to this halfway through. It's a prog album that didn't even have an incredible opener, just an okay one, and the rest I found interminable. I thought we were compatable. Y'know? I usually like prog. I usually like albums that start with a song called "Incredible Time Machine" and follow that up with "Hypersleep." But, like, I dunno, this just wasn't fun to listen to, like, there's no acknowledgement that "Incredible Time Machine" is a silly thing to name a song. My favorite prog bands are aware of how nonsense prog is and embrace it, but this took itself a tad too seriously for my liking. Which isn't to say it wasn't good, just that I didn't want to spend more time in this space, like by the time you get to the third six+-minute-long song of the album, you realize this is time you could've spent listening to "Style" on repeat, or something.

8) Makes Me Sick, by New Found Glory: Yes hello hi welcome to The Thing Journal, where we review French cinema and New Found Glory albums like they're the same thing. For me, current New Found Glory is like finding a sweater I haven't worn in months, putting it on, feeling insanely good about how I look in that sweater, and then not wearing that sweater for another year.It's a comfortable and uncomplicated album, like hell yeah, I'm here for a song about staying indoors during the summer, you made this song just for me!

9) Truth Is a Beautiful Thing, by London Grammar: Early frontrunner for The Hotelier Award for "Album I Don't Completely Understand But Am Aware Moved Me Deeply." Like, you know that Parks & Rec episode, where Tom commissions an abstract art piece, and as he stares at $20 of art, he realizes he's deeply affected by the way the shapes interact and flow, but can't describe what he's feeling or what he's looking at? That's how I feel listening to this album. I don't know what it is about this particular brand of ethereal dream-like pop that left me floored on the bus ride home, I don't know what I actually felt as the woman crooned over the simple-but-expansive soundscapes, but here I am, trying to figure out what I listened to ("simple-but-expansive soundscapes" is the fifth draft of that phrase) and what emotion was stirred within me. This was so cool. How is it so cool? Ugh I hate that I keep complaining about how I'm bad at describing music but Criticism Santa never ever visits MY TREE'S UP, DUDE. I'M WAITING. WE CAN MAKE THIS HAPPEN AT ANY POINT.

10) Blind, by Eskil Vogt: I think I got half an hour deep into this film when I realized I wanted to see this again. The way this film plays with the reality of blindness, how it gives you the sense of the main character's read of the situation before she hears a noise and realizes there's something different entirely, it's just so fucking cool. It reminded me a lot of Charlie Kaufman, and while I can't be 100% sure it's a warranted comparison and not a comparison I'm making because I have a limited frame of reference, but just the way it explored the blind woman's mind, how the story she was writing changed as she felt worse about her blindness, how she got crueler and crueler to the blind character as she felt worse and worse about herself, the way this film dissected loneliness, it's all these things I've come to associate with Kaufman and all these things I love to see in film. It's such a quality film, legit my only gripe is that everyone talked so low and softly, I honestly couldn't tell if the film was going for a low-key vibe or if the Norwegian language is just people muttering at and somehow understading each other. So it's entirely possible my main problem with this film is the Norwegian language, which honestly sounds like a mess, what's up Norway, how come none of y'all enunciate.

11) The Taking of Pelham One Two Three, dir. Joseph Sargent: I don't usually like things about New York City because 50% of all things are set in New York City and it's really hard to use New York City in a unique way. Everything is set in New York City, y'know? I more than understand that New York City is the greatest city in the world. The other 7000 TV shows I have seen about New York City have made this abundantly clear, I don't necessarily need you to chime in on this front. This film, though, this film is awesome. This was like the thing I kept wanting Brooklyn Nine Nine to be, a thriller with incredible comedy, like this is straight-up the funniest film I've seen in weeks (Bob we know what you've been watching you haven't seen a comedy in weeks we don't think) shhhhhhhAnd the comedy is mostly derived from the way the film uses New York. At the outset, no one is as concerned about the people on the train than about how the trains aren't running on time, like it's way more important that the subway runs on schedule than it is that the train not get hijacked. Like, so many people in this film treat this like just another day of New York's bullshit, the research department taking as long as they usually do to create the list of names, traffic impeding the delivery of money to the train. I loved it so so much.

12) Big Fish Theory, by Vince Staples: Vince Staples is a rapper whose projects demand attentive listening, multiple listens to grasp everything that he's going for, so of course I listened to this once on a walk and am throwing it in between a 40-year-old movie and an okay punk album. I have no doubt that the second listen will be rewarding, that I'll unlock what's great about this album and connect to it, and it's not like I didn't enjoy my first listen, Vince Staples is great at what he does and makes music that can be enjoyed even when being skimmed through, but there's so much going on, abrasive dark production and meticulously crafted lyrics, that I know I didn't catch everything. I caught a lot -- imagine not immediately understanding like "BagBak" is going for -- but Vince Staples is on that Kendrick/Danny Brown/RTJ level where he makes work that demands its audience's full attention while still being something the audience can enjoy.

13) Wolves, by Rise Against: The album opens with "Light all the torches and wake up the King/The smoke you've ignored is a flame you can't contain," which is a predictable way for Rise Against to say "I told you so," but, as previously discussed, Rise Against has as much of a right as anyone to say "I told you so" a thousand times. The main problem I have with this album is that it doesn't feel markedly different from the rest of their catalogue. There isn't any acknowledgement that there's more of a sense of urgency in these times than there was previously -- things were still bad in the last few years, but it wasn't "let's elect a monster" bad -- but Rise Against is putting out the same album they've always put out, fire and brimstone here, glossy pop-influenced single material there, the only difference being that they'll now acknowledge that they've always been right. Like, it might have been worth exploring the space they glimpsed on "Bullshit," which is a song where they are 100% excoriating their listener base for not doing enough ("Oh no, please don't life a finger, don't get up, just sit right there/Don't worry about the thoughts inside your pretty little head"), try to analyze the current situation so that, when Rise Against says it's time to fight, there's actual strategy involved? But this is fine, standard Rise Against is usually fine. Ugh, the Trump administration isn't even leading to better punk music, THEY SAID THE MUSIC WOULD BE BETTER. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY SILVER LINING.

[thatguysamaniac-blog]

Games. Cost. Money. well, in most cases, unless: You are a thief or pirate. You have managed to get some bundle with free titles  Some 24 hour Xmas day promos to get game X (released X years ago).  Or! That one time many years ago Xbox gave away a submarine game (?!) cuz Xbox live was buggered. Games are odd beasts, they offer literally infinite hours of entertainment. Yet through the variety of platforms such as, Steam or PSN Store, and somewhat even when they were physibles, we 'collect' them, literally increasing our potential hours played to the schoolyard idiom of "Infinity x2" There are SO MANY out there competing for your attention. Most of them frantically and avidly jumping, shouting and screaming, while the hypetrain still has momentum - just after their release window. But slowly as they begin to age, the respective platform stores (valve) start to hug them tighter bringing them close to their bosom, they whisper sweet nothings, offering the promise immortality. Immortality in the form of being strapped into a marketing-powered life support machine. As the games ageing frames become more withered, they only get new life breathed into them on seasonal sales when they are put on display and prostituted out (for 74% off) in front of the masses. Many of which will remain in uninstalled/unplayed limbo, sold too cheaply to actually guilt anyone to play them. A trophy, the hopeful list of unfulfilled achievements echoing the hopes and dreams of game developers in the 5 day window after launch they have to recoup the last 5 years worth of development work. They're too expensive! They are! bang-for-your-buck is almost measurable nowadays on an hourly scale. From 3-4 hour breathy-hipster indie platformers with a rich art style and soundscapes instead of music, to 20 hour standalone AAA blockbusters, to even the monstrous MMO subscriptions with plethoras of tacked on paid for art assets. For many years we had it good, buy a game, play it to death, no DLC, no expansions, just unlocking stuff and faint possibility of a sequel. Buying games was an investment of time. However now there is stronger demand for serviced games, online subscriptions and the pseudo "seasons". A good example of then versus now would be Tekken 2, it was £30 on release with tonnes of "unlockables". Where Tekken 7 now has online services, and seasonal DLC releases. for £75+ Ultimately beyond the online experience,  Those Tekken 2 Unlockables could be interpreted DLC that came with launch for free, Instead of paying for it you earned it in game. But what you are now paying for is years of the team(s) honing down on the fighting game mechanics, and some Ultra HD so you can see pores on Paul's skin. F2P, P2F, P2W, Freemium, Premium, Pay and subscribe. Charging/paying for games is chopped up, divided into many tiny little parts and games companies want to make sure that you pay/repay/sub/and collect all that DLC.... its an argument made time and again, and we are bored of it. Just because I am old enough to remember a time when games cost a flat fee does that mean that its right? Am I harking back to a time that is rose tinited. Back when Hovis was Hovis, Monster Munch was full of chemicals, and Creme eggs were made Cadbury. Am I the equivalent of the blinkered brexiteer of the gaming world?  Possibly, but dissection of games costing models only serves to scare me out of buying titles*, shoehorning in new ways off cutting up the game to make people buy it in bits, it also triggers the FOMO in me when I miss out on cosmetics. A while ago I was super psyched for Dead or alive 6, as it has been a while since I picked up one in the series. But that price tag, the fact it is unfinished and the obscene price tag attached to its season pass (even if it is filled with sad-lonely-creepy DLC) just put me right off. Done. Not interested in the series. Well maybe... I could just wait for the Gold Edition on a steam sale in 5 years time... This still makes me part of their machine, the DoA troops factor in people like me, the filthy casuals, but for the more hardcore fans, they are now being placed into a position where they have to fork out. Or! [Tin foil hat] is it just for the streamers or #contentcreators? If they can make money from your game, you would like to see more of that in your pocket? In 10 years time is it just going to be an elite club of streamers who get to pay/play for the game first for the privilege of streaming/advertising it, until a month or two later it is release and priced for the plebs. *Who cares, don't buy it then... Whats your point? Um, er... the models which get applied to the games nowadays splits up the cost of the game so much that you start to question where/what that money is going to. Does it go to devs? Is it another money grabbing move by the soulless fat-cat CEO's? And Honestly I just don't like a game being split up, as a member of the old school I not only prefer a single cost, but I actually  find myself adverse to the season-spanning costs for "live services". I also find the microtranactional models taken from the more aggressive F2P to be vomit inducing, akin to gambling, and ultimately unsustainable for the consumer. I dunno I guess my point is, I would rather have a game with all of its content in it, rather than served to me piecemeal, leaving me doing mental arithmetic as to how much the game ACTUALLY ended up costing me, just so I could get Chun Li in a pink outfit. I guess that is just my problem, I want everything in the game, even if I use it or not, do I need every bit of DLC? The OCD Completionist in me says so, but my track record for doing all the DLC and even using cosmetics is pretty bad. And I suppose there in lies the rub... A conclusion? I want to pay for the whole game, I don't care if it is more expensive or whatever, but breaking up my purchase over several payments/time pisses me off. Who says I wanna buy into a micro-franchise? Which only exists because on the off chance a publishers game doesn't make the money they wanted from initial sales, they can 'can' the afterthought DLC. #grump Love and bored of the same arguments, RichieX

http://www.thatguys.co.uk/2019/08/on-pricing-of-games.html

[nothingman]

  Source: DeSmogBlog.com

Science. Is. Political.

This concept will probably be easy to absorb for the regular readership at Cyborgology. It’s a topic that has been discussed here a time or two. Still, as truisms go, it is one of a very few that liberals and conservatives alike love to hate. The fantasy of apolitical science is a tempting one: an unbiased, socially distant capital-s Science that seeks nothing more than enlightenment, floating in a current events vacuum and unsullied by personal past experiences. It presupposes an objective reality, a universe of constants that can be catalogued, evaluated, and understood completely. But this view of science is a myth, one that has been thoroughly dissected in the social sciences.

As often as the myth of scientific apoliticism comes into conflict with the messy reality, it is no wonder that scientific and technical expertise is often questioned in the policymaking realm. The term “anti-science” gets thrown around a lot in the United States, especially in reference to the Trump administration and the majority-Republican Congress so eager to curry favor with him.

One organization is attempting to move the needle away from anti-science policy. Founded by a STEM professional and entrepreneur, 314 Action is a political action committee geared specifically toward getting more scientists to run for elected offices at all levels of government. The PAC takes its name from the first three digits of pi, because “[p]i is everywhere. It’s the most widely known mathematical ratio both inside and out of the scientific community. It is used in virtually everything we encounter in our daily lives.” If science can be found everywhere, the logic goes, then science definitely belongs in the halls of power and decision-making as well.

From the PAC’s website:

314 ACTION’S GOALS ARE:

Strengthen communication among the STEM community, the public and our elected officials;

Educate and advocate for and defend the integrity of science and its use;

Provide a voice for the STEM community on social issues;

Promote the responsible use of data driven fact based approaches in public policy;

Increase public engagement with the STEM Community through media.

314 Action champions electing more leaders to the U.S. Senate, House, State, Executive and Legislative offices who come from STEM backgrounds. We need new leaders who understand that climate change is real and are motivated to find a solution.

We need elected officials who understand that STEM education is the new path forward, vital for our future and will ensure that our educators have the necessary funding to teach STEM curricula and our students have the resources to learn. That is why 314 Action will advocate for a quality, adequately funded STEM education for every young person in the United States.

But this begs the question: can placing more STEM professionals in Congress save science policy, or will it only produce more lifetime politicians?

In politics, anti-science and pro-science aren’t opposites. They’re two strategies toward the same end of winning and keeping political power. The struggle between these two political stances is a constant, dynamic, situationally contingent negotiation between the social prestige of scientific evidence and the political necessity to control the vocabulary and optics surrounding a given policy topic.

Anti-science doesn’t mean that politicians don’t believe in science. It means that they have a hard time reconciling scientific findings with more pressing political concerns, like fundraising from special interest donors and mollifying their constituencies. These day-to-day political tasks require total control over a political narrative with a kind of hyperreality and spectacle that leaves little room for the slow pace and uncertainty of scientific research.

And, pro-science doesn’t necessarily mean a belief in the power of science to craft good policy. As my own research has shown, scientific debates often stand in for debates about money and legislative instrumentation, because scientific debate is easier to sound bite and quicker to digest across the voting public. I have found elsewhere that political actors, at least in the climate change political sphere, most often cite sources of expert information from other actors or organizations who a priori align with their political ideologies.

The candidates 314 PAC aims to mobilize are trained scientists and novice office-holders. They are not politicians. In fact, the point is largely to recruit people who have never held office before. There’s a certain amount of purity attached to a scientific expert who has never dabbled in politics. At the same time, someone willing to risk the credibility and safety of that purity seems, in this narrative, to be a brave and competent candidate. It’s like the Madonna-whore complex of science policy.

The 314 Action fundraising page acknowledges this to some extent: “Most of our candidates will not come from the traditional career paths of politicians, and will need different channels for funding and support. 314 PAC intends to leverage the goals and values of the greater science, technology, engineering and mathematics community to give these new recruits the resources they need to become viable, credible, Democratic candidates.”

And there’s the crucial point in all of this: the advocacy of 314 PAC is aimed at liberal scientific political engagement, not greater STEM engagement overall. While it is perfectly acceptable for a PAC to pin itself to a particular ideological position, it is dangerous to conflate an acceptance of scientific principles with a liberal political mindset.

Ben Carson is a brain surgeon, celebrated as a visionary in his field, but has demonstrated time and again his tenuous grasp on history, political science, and reality. Former US Representative Todd Aiken—he of the “if it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down” infamy—was a leader in the Army Corps of Engineers. Rand Paul is an ophthalmologist who ran for president on a platform of small government— so small that it had little room at all for research and development. The lesson here is clear: being in the STEM fields alone does not make you pro-science, being pro-science alone doesn’t make you smart, and being smart alone will not make you an effective policymaker.

None of this is to say that scientists and engineers should stay away from politics. Far from it; democracy thrives when rooted in a diversity of perspectives and consideration of all available evidence. See the first line of this post. Exposure and intersectionality are critical foils to a democracy that has grown comfortable with status quo politics and ideological purity. And scientists are human beings, voting citizens, paying consumers. They deserve a political opinion, and indeed can’t help but have one.

Furthermore, the efforts of 314 also seem to be having the unintended consequence of inspiring more women and people of color to run for office from within the STEM fields. 314 Action’s founder, Shaughnessy Naughton, is a woman who ran for the House of Representatives in 2016 on a pro-science platform. That women and people of color are more acutely aware of the politics present in science than their white male counterparts is no surprise, but it’s good that these scientists have a path forward for translating this awareness into political change.

Most importantly, I would point out that there is value in scientists running for office, even if they don’t win. Campaign events are major sources of information for voters, and the shiny optics and well-scripted hyperreality of a scientist’s campaign could go a long way in educating a constituency about a topic of scientific importance, even if it doesn’t sway votes that way. As I’ve written elsewhere, the novelty of a pro-science platform from either party could effectively shift voter attitudes in the age of anti-scientific policymaking.

The danger here is not in scientists running for office and losing. It is in scientists running for office, winning, and being unprepared to participate in the political process because they ran on an “I’m a scientist” platform. Congress has already shown itself to not only be open to the label of anti-science, but in many cases, has actively courted it. To assume that the prescription for political change is a critical mass of scientists in elected positions is to ignore the very messy social dynamics mediating the interfaces between science and politics.

Policymaking cares little for methodology, and even less for control conditions. Neither the constitutionally inscribed forward-facing process nor the subtler backstage deal-making that go into crafting policy are interested in scientific uncertainty and its sometimes glacial pace of innovation. Scientists should absolutely run for office. They should also march in demonstrations, write letters to their representatives, and engage in democracy as every other citizen has a right to do. But they—and the organizations supporting their candidacy for office—should be prepared for the contentious and sometimes fact-free atmosphere of US government.

    Joe blogs and is on Twitter.

via Cyborgology

[twocoursemeal-blog]

TCM Eats Cheap: Five Guys

Five Guys (Downtown Crossing)

I don’t think we need to explain Five Guys to most of you readers… but, just in case we do: Five Guys is a quick-service burger chain that originated in the Mid-Atlantic and has quickly spread throughout the country. They do “Have it Your Way” better than Burger King, allowing customers to add as many toppings to their burger as they’d like (from the ~15 they generally have available).

Five Guys isn’t just about burgers, though. They also serve hot dogs, grilled cheese, (mountains of) fries, milkshakes, and even breakfast sandwiches (they crack their eggs fresh on the griddle!). Five Guys is clearly a great place to have a meal, but when’s the next time you’ll get to read a review of it?

Right now.

We ate:

Peanuts

Regular hamburger with pickles, grilled onion, grilled mushrooms, jalapenos, and A1 sauce

Little bacon burger with tomatoes, grilled onions, jalapenos, and BBQ sauce

Cajun Fries

Futuristic soda

Angela’s Thoughts

Full disclosure: I’m a Five Guys fangirl.  Five Guys is great; I don’t care what you say.  I have had legitimate arguments with my West Coast friends about Five Guys vs In-n-Out.  I will die on this hill.   ...With that said, I can’t say I’ve ever taken the time to think about Five Guys in any deeply critical way.  I’ve never had a bad experience at Five Guys -- I generally get a tasty burger with lots of toppings, and way too many fries.  But this time, I wanted to dissect my experience, and (hopefully) justify my love of the place.

The interior at the Downtown Crossing Five Guys is always clean and neat.  The gleaming tile and metal accents, along with the super fancy Coke Freestyle machines, make it seem almost futuristically sterile.  Really, that’s the best you can ask for in a fast food or quick-service restaurant.  They serve a regular (two patty) hamburger and a little (one patty) hamburger.  They also have different sizes of either plain or cajun-seasoned fries, and they always provide a more-than-generous serving.

The burger was kind of a mess, but in a good way.  The patty itself was greasy and nicely crisped around the edges, but it didn’t really taste seasoned at all.  The point of a Five Guys burger is toppings, which easily carry the weight of making a “flavorful” burger, so the lack of seasoning doesn’t end up mattering.  It was strange that there wasn’t even perceptible salt on the burger, though.  What I found surprising was how good the bun was; it’s something I’ve never paid much attention to before.  The bun was fresh and pillowy, slightly sweet but neutral-tasting enough that it works with whatever you want to put on your burger.  I usually prefer potato buns to white bread buns (by a lot), so I was pleasantly surprised by how soft and nice it was!

At Five Guys, the toppings are the star of the show.  The vegetables they use as toppings are always fresh and good quality, and my favorite topping at Five Guys is always the jalapenos.  Most places serve pickled jalapenos of variable quality as a topping, but not here!  Five Guys has fresh, sliced, seed in, actually peppery and sweet jalapenos.  They’re always juicy and delicious, which gives you the feeling that someone sliced them fresh *that day*.  I love them, and they have earned an eternal place on my Five Guys burger.

The fries at Five Guys are also notable.  They make them in-house, and they’re served skin-on.  Because they’re medium-cut and fresh, sometimes they can be a bit soggy, but today they were cooked perfectly.  I generally get them cajun style, because I’m a fan of the seasoning.  It’s a bit spicy, with (what tastes to me like) salt, paprika, and red pepper; there’s also a very prominent flavor from celery seed in the seasoning, which really reminds me of Old Bay (and makes me nostalgic).  Matt and I usually split an order of fries when we come to Five Guys together, since they generally give out a *huge* portion.  We split a regular this time, and it worked out well.

It’s very obvious from my review how much I love Five Guys, but there is a negative I think deserves mentioning: I feel like it gets a little more expensive each time I go.  A Little Burger, Little Fries, and a drink will run you well over $10.  Add a couple more dollars to that if you want a shake instead of a soda (which are pretty good, and just as customizeable as everything else on the menu!).  At this price point, it’s still “worth it,” to me, but it becomes more of a splurge meal (for the sake of my wallet and my waistline...).  Overall, Five Guys is usually greasy, sometimes messy, a little pricey, and always tasty.  I’m still a fan.

Matt’s thoughts

Though I don’t crave Five Guys all the time, when I need Five Guys, there is little that can stop me from going. Five Guys just does something so right with its simple menu and strong push towards grease-filled gluttony that I can’t help but need it once in awhile. A rainy night in downtown Boston proved to set just the right mood for our recent trip.

The downtown Five Guys is clean, and a bit austere (like the rest of them). After ordering (I usually stop adding toppings when I can sense the disapproval from the cashier), I got my basket of peanuts and grabbed a table. For those of you who haven’t been to Five Guys, they’ve got free roasted, salted, unshelled peanuts available for you to snack on as you eat. I can’t think of a better way to prepare my body for what’s to come than giving it that initial rush of sodium.

Five Guys’ burger was what it always is: a pure, as-adulterated-as-you-want-it delicious meat sandwich. Though both of our burger patties didn’t taste like they’d been seasoned, this could have been intentional, as the toppings more than made up for the extra flavor. The bun held up remarkably well to all of the moisture, and the only bad thing about it was that a lot of my grilled onions fell off the burger and onto my aluminum foil. I definitely didn’t eat them off the foil with my hands, though, no need to worry about that.

I always get the Cajun Fries (it’s because they’re better than regular fries), and once again, they did not disappoint. Rarely crisp, but always well cooked and flavorful, Five Guys’ Cajun Fries are exactly the kind of “punch-you-in-the-mouth-with-flavor” accompaniment I look for. For those poor souls who have never been to Five Guys, they give you your food and fries in a bag, and then dump extra fries in on top of that. Yes, it means you have to excavate your burger through a layer of fries, but on the upside you get to excavate your burger through a layer of fries.

Finally, the drink machine. This may be a minor thing, but every time I use the touchscreen branching-paths customize-your-own soda dispenser, it feels like I’ve finally made it to the future, and in the future, there is Strawberry Fanta.

One thing to note: Angela and I both felt as if Five Guys was pricier than last time. Though we’re not sure if this is us misremembering the previous prices or not, a Five Guys experience with burger + fries + a drink will definitely put you in the 12+ dollar range.

Overall:

Five Guys was delicious as always, and we happily stuffed ourselves with topping-loaded burgers, seasoned fries, and futuristic sodas. If you’re hungry and there’s one nearby, it’s never a bad idea to step in for a meal. Though we both agree that it’s a bit pricey, it’s still a great burger.

We give Five Guys Burgers and Fries 4 excessive servings of cajun fries out of 5.