#I can’t fucking do this. I can’t do anything. I can’t even be responsible for myself

[redeucalyptus]

sigh comforting nat after ben is found guilty…established relationship

before that though- watching as the vote continues, over and over and over again, with nothing changing. watching the frustration bubble and build within nat as the vote progresses without change. she’s losing it, you can tell, but you cant do anything to help her. stepping in would just undermine her authority.

so when shauna pulls that shit and changes peoples minds, including two of the people nat trusted the most, travis and lottie, nat was heartbroken. so close and yet so far.

you were one of the few who didn’t change your vote to guilty, along with mari and robin.

————————

almost immediately following her giving the guilty verdict, nat storms off to her tent. it’s still light out and there’s still much to do, but she can’t help it. she needs to calm down, needs to break where no one can see her- even if they all know what she’s feeling anyway.

you follow, albeit hesitantly. you don’t want her to be alone, but there’s also the chance that nat will be less than receptive towards your presence.

when you enter her hut, though, skinny arms find their way around your body, and nat’s head buries itself into your neck.

“i can’t- i can’t believe they did that,” she sobs. “and then what? what are we gonna do now, just kill him? there’s no need for that, he can just go back to living by himself, far, far away from us.”

“i know, i know, nat,” you comfort her. “i’m so sorry.”

“fuck i don’t get shauna. i understand she’s mad about her baby but for fucks sake, killing ben isn’t going to bring him back.”

you say nothing in response to this, instead choosing to hold her tighter instead, pressing kisses to the side of her head. ben was like a father to her, you knew. closest thing to a good dad that she’d ever had.

and, well. knowing shauna, nat was probably going to have to witness his death soon.

so you just held her throughout the night, until she fell asleep hours later, still in your arms. it was uncomfortable, but you made it work. anything to make her feel better before ben’s inevitable death.

[serenityluvz]

𝙄𝙍𝙍𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙎𝙄𝘽𝙇𝙀

(𝘌𝘯𝘩𝘺𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘑𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘹 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 | 𝘚𝘮𝘶𝘵 | 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵 | 18+)

��𐙚₊˚ˢᵉʳᵉⁿⁱᵗʸᴸᵘᵛᶻ

Warnings: Explicit sexual content, strong emotions, pregnancy themes, angst, unprotected sex (be responsible!), and a shocking revelation.

Summary: One night. That’s all it was supposed to be. A moment of weakness, fueled by tension and buried feelings. You and Jake swore it wouldn’t mean anything—just physical, no strings attached. But fate had other plans. When you discover you’re pregnant, the truth becomes impossible to ignore.

"This is a bad idea."

Your voice is barely a whisper, but it does nothing to stop the way Jake's lips trail down your neck, igniting a fire in your veins. His hands grip your waist, pressing you against the mattress as his body hovers over yours.

"Then tell me to stop," he murmurs, eyes locked onto yours, dark and full of something dangerous.

You don’t.

Because you can’t.

The weight of everything unspoken between you drowns out logic. The tension has been building for months—lingering glances, stolen touches, the way he always finds an excuse to be near you. And now, with his body flush against yours, the last of your restraint crumbles.

"Jake," you breathe, fingers threading through his hair as he kisses you senseless.

His response is a low groan, his hands pushing up your shirt, palms burning against your skin.

"Let me make you feel good, baby," he whispers, his breath hot against your ear.

The air between you turns electric as clothes fall away, lips and hands roaming desperately. It’s messy, heated, raw. Every touch, every gasp, every moan is a silent plea for something neither of you are willing to say out loud.

When he finally pushes inside you, a strangled moan leaves your lips. His name tumbles from your mouth like a prayer, and Jake buries his face in your neck, groaning at the way you clench around him.

"Fuck, you feel so good," he grits out, hips snapping against yours.

The pleasure builds quickly, overwhelming and intoxicating. Your nails dig into his back as he thrusts deeper, harder, chasing the high that neither of you are ready to admit means everything.

It’s reckless. It’s inevitable. And neither of you think about the consequences.

Not until it’s too late.

YOU STARE AT the pregnancy test in your trembling hands, nausea rolling through you in waves. Two pink lines.

Positive.

Your breath comes out shaky as reality crashes down on you. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It was one night. One mistake. And now, everything is ruined.

"Shit," you whisper, pressing a hand to your stomach.

What the hell are you going to do?

Telling Jake feels impossible. You weren’t even together. Just friends—if you could even call it that. Friends don’t fuck like their lives depend on it. Friends don’t look at each other the way you and Jake do.

But this? This changes everything.

And the worst part?

You’re not sure if he’ll stay.

DAYS PASSED BEFORE you finally gather the courage to face him. Jake notices something’s off the moment you step into his apartment, fingers fidgeting, lips pressed together.

"What’s wrong?" he asks, eyes scanning your face.

Your throat tightens. "Jake, I need to tell you something."

His brows furrow. "Okay...?"

You take a deep breath, your hands shaking. "I’m pregnant."

Silence.

Jake just stares at you, his body going rigid. His lips part, but no words come out. The color drains from his face.

"What?" His voice is barely above a whisper.

You swallow hard. "I—I found out a few days ago. I wasn’t sure how to tell you, but I—"

"Are you sure?" he interrupts, his voice strained.

You nod, gripping the fabric of your sweater. "I took multiple tests. I went to the doctor. It’s real, Jake."

He runs a hand through his hair, exhaling shakily. "Fuck."

You feel your chest tighten. "Jake, if you don’t want to be involved, I understand. I just thought you should—"

"Stop." His voice is firm, eyes flashing with something unreadable. He steps closer, hands cupping your face. "Do you really think I’d leave you to do this alone?"

Tears prick your eyes. "I don’t know."

His jaw clenches. "Y/N, I—" He pauses, looking away, as if he’s battling something inside him.

"What?" you whisper.

He hesitates, then sighs. "There’s something I need to tell you too."

Your stomach churns. "What is it?"

Jake exhales sharply, his grip on you tightening. And then, he drops the bomb.

"I knew."

You freeze. "What?"

His eyes are filled with regret as he says the words that shatter everything.

"I knew you were pregnant before you told me."

Your heart stops. "Jake, what the hell are you talking about?"

His hands tremble slightly as he takes a step back. "Y/N... I overheard you on the phone with your doctor last week."

Your blood runs cold.

"You knew? And you didn’t say anything?"

"I wanted to," he says quickly. "I was going to. But I was scared. I didn’t know how to bring it up, and I—"

You feel sick. "You let me sit in my own fear, thinking I was going through this alone?"

Jake’s face falls. "I fucked up. I know I did. But I need you to know that I never planned to leave you, Y/N."

Tears spill down your cheeks as anger and heartbreak war inside you.

"Then why didn’t you say anything?"

"Because I didn’t want to lose you!" His voice cracks, eyes desperate. "I didn’t know how to fix this. I didn’t know if you wanted me to be part of this."

The weight of everything crashes over you. The fear, the uncertainty, the love buried under layers of mistakes.

Jake steps closer again, his hands trembling as he reaches for you. "But I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere."

Your breath catches as he presses his forehead against yours.

"I want this," he murmurs. "I want you."

You close your eyes, overwhelmed.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. But maybe… just maybe… it’s exactly what was meant to be.

[basilbots]

Enough

A ficlet about Bard (Ruin) and Eclipse reflecting on their relationship, takes place after they've settled into the EAPS dimension | Words 629

“I do nothing for you.”

Eclipse paused from where he was typing away on a project, glancing to the side. Bard was lounging in a beanbag chair they had dragged over to be near Eclipse while he worked, staring blankly at the ceiling. They twitched feeling Eclipse’s questioning gaze but did not look up to meet it. 

Eclipse frowned and rolled back from the computer, “What are you talking about?” 

Bard sat up, fierce red and gold eyes now timidly darting away before they could linger on him long, “You do so much for me and for what? I’ve- I told you once before I don’t do friends anymore!”

His words quickened and raised into an incredulous pitch, betraying an anxiousness that was absent the first time Bard cheerfully told him this “fact”. Eclipse wished he could say this was new behavior, but Bard had been more nervous and downtrodden as of late. This was just the first time they’ve actually given words to what they were so bothered about. 

“You’re being an idiot,” Eclipse started, frown deepening when Bard only flinched rather than give an offended glare like usual. Rays slowly spinning in thought he continued with a softer voice, “You do plenty for me.” 

Bard’s rays twitched at that. He stubbornly kept his gaze away from Eclipse, claws now digging into the beanbag. Silence was his response. 

Eclipse kept looking at him, “You invite me to tea parties to take my mind away from work. You talked to this Sun and Moon to prevent me from fucking up yet another relationship. You choose to spend every day close to me to keep me company even though I’m a jackass.” 

Bard couldn’t help but let out a laugh, quick and sharp. “Selfish! It’s all selfish, I was only trying to benefit myself and make my life easier. That’s all I do. Shouldn’t you know this by now, dear? Everyone else has put it together.”

There was no masking the bitterness that laced that last sentence, and Eclipse couldn’t help the wave of anger that washed over him. He tried not to stand up too aggressively and failed as Bard flinched again. But they finally met his eyes with a weary look, giving way to bafflement as Eclipse knelt down in front of him. “Selfish huh? Then I’m selfish as well. How selfish of me to keep you, to want someone around that I can understand, who won’t judge me, where I know in another universe things work out between us. I’m just awful aren't I for wanting a friend.”

Eclipse’s gaze was intense, and Bard squirmed under the attention. He took their hands, which slid into his hold without resistance, and squeezed. Eclipse’s second pair of hands tore into the carpet. He knew the two of them were far from good individuals, but hearing those words from Bard still made him burn. Seeing that his image of himself was so poisoned that simply having a friend was proof of his own awfulness, because stars forbid they do anything that makes them happy without it being twisted as something terribly self-serving. The knowledge that other individuals contributed to- encouraged this mindset had Eclipse holding back a growl. How was Bard supposed to become a better person if every action that isn’t unrelenting self-loathing the wrong one? Closing their eyes, Bard squeezed his hands back, “You make it sound silly when you put it that way… I can’t see it like that, not when it’s me.”

But he will, one day, Eclipse will make sure of it.

“You don’t have to right now just… Believe me when I say that I think you do enough for me. That’s what matters. Okay?”

There was silence, then a resigned sigh.

“Okay.”

[miorirenkova]

“i know there’s a blade where your heart is, and you know how to use it”

assassin!reader x nishimura riki

“you can take my flesh if you want girl,

but baby don’t abuse it.”

summary: you were given the task to eliminate niki, in order to target his influential uncle who loved him quite a lot. to do so, you had to get close to him, perhaps catch him in a vulnerable position and finish the job. easy enough, right?

warnings: interesting family relations, revenge, depictions of violence and blood? smut, no fluff even if you squint

warnings for the smut: rough sex , fingering , oral (f and m recieving), hair pulling, choking, spanking , degrading , petnames/degrading names , dirty talk , creampie , breeding kink, knifeplay, overstimulation , biting , begging , size kink , corruption kink (i think), gagging, tieing up, multiple orgasms , messy making out, unprotected sex, pwp, p in v, cunt slapping, should be it forgive me if i missed anything

word count: 7.5k words

note: this is lowkey just pure filth badly written with the illusion of a plot 🙏🙏 also this def feels a bit like a drabble some places so forgive me 🙏 and if it doesent make sense/the writing is weird some places also forgive me!!!

this was a req for my friend and also forgive me if its bad not my best fs i def was losing it towards the end nd i didnt crosscheck!! sorry for the bad smut too cOUGH

also, the words with the red colour in the middle here and there (except for the last line) are all lyrics from the song ive linked so they arent actually saying it except for one part where they actually do say the lyrics and for that ive added quotations there so you would understand.

the song is a theme song that i chose for the fic cuz i like doing that for all my fics. its ur choice whether u wanna listen to it or not. tyy

mdni . hate comments will be deleted

(under cut!!)

————————————————————————

“yeah but.. why exactly are we targeting his nephew instead? i mean, it won’t be that hard to just take him out, right?” you replied in response to what your boss said as you poured yourself some coffee. great! you were barely finished with your last mission and now your boss is already pushing more work on you. and if it wasn’t already bad, you have to go undercover in this. and why that’s such a problem? it’s cause you can’t do acting for the love of god and always get close to fucking the act up.

“sure, but i don’t think you realise the political risks that come with having him executed. they won’t be directed at us sure but they definitely will cause a stir in media.” your boss replied as she took one of the cups of coffee from you. “and plus,” she added, “i promise you it’s much less tedious for you to eliminate his nephew then him. ill give you the briefing once again.” she paused before picking up some file and continued, “we will get you into the university the target studies in and all you have to do is get close to him, somehow, date him if necessary and just execute him when the time and place is right.” she completed, taking a sip from her coffee and moving her chair to her file cabinet, seemingly taking out some files as if she didn’t just drop a bomb on me.

easy, my ass!

do i look like someone who can easily just flirt their way into someone’s life? you groaned as you realised there truly was no way out of this and your boss was determined to have you do this.

“..i don’t have a say in this, do i?” you placed the finished cup of coffee in the sink, as you begrudgingly asked. “nope, so chop chop, get to it.”

how fucking annoying. truly, you wish one day your target could be your boss. but some things can only be dreams..

————————————————————————

quite frankly, you knew it was going to be a bit of a pain in your ass but you didn’t realise it was going to be THIS bad of a pain in your ass.

first problem? this uni is like straight out of some petty coming of age romance film, everyone barely notices some random quiet girl in the back. no matter how cringe that sounds, you were getting badly ignored and it wasn’t helping.

second problem? your target, nishimura riki, is some bitchy fuck boy! okay, maybe that’s a little overboard, just a little. he was this overly smart, and.. kind of annoyingly hot, popular guy who is just a bit too cocky and competitive. sure, with his friends, he seemed like a pretty kind and charismatic person. but it was all still a problem for you because how the hell do you get him to talk to you, let alone glance at you!?

if this was some sappy romance, you would be fine with just staring at him from afar. but, it’s not. you actually have something to get done and your boss’ annoying ‘chop chop’ is practically ringing in your head. damn it.

also, you were pretty annoyed too due to the fact that you’re practically reliving uni life except its worse because you know absolutely nothing about this place or the people here. just silently attending classes like some loner. sigh, what has your life become?

you were about to enter your next class and god maybe someone up there took pity on you because coincidentally, there was actually a seat empty next to that japanese idiot! finally, none of his shitty friends were bombarding him. holy shit, finally, you can make at least some sort of progress.

you head over to the seat, a bit too eagerly, and sit down, trying to act as normal as you can.

oh.

oh this bastard.. he didn’t even bother to look at who sat next to him? seriously!

as you took out your books so you could at least act like a normal student, you saw one of his friends coming over, presumably to talk to riki.

“hey ni-ki, you are still up for that arcade night tomorrow, right?” his friend, whose name was maki, from what you had learned, asked riki who you just learned was also called ni-ki. okay, good, you’re already gaining some new information, no matter how useless it may be.

“oh.. well yeah, about that..” riki scratched the back of his head, groaning. “i don’t think i can. some assholes tried to target an attack on me yesterday and ever since then, my uncle has been hell bent on getting me some bodyguard.”

oh my god. you could barely contain your reaction. first of all, pretty sad that his next assassin is sitting right next to him. next of all, a bodyguard??? this could either become really bad or really good for you, depending on how you act. but right now, there were already ideas brewing in your mind how you could use this to your advantage.

maki scoffed, looking at him with amusement “a bodyguard? you’re kidding?? damn, guess you’re a hotshot now, huh? leaving us peasants behind.” he replied while letting out some dramatic gasp, taking the other seat next to him. “still, did those attackers hurt you? are you okay?” riki nodded, also taking out his books as the professor walked in, replying “yeah, i’m fine.. well as fine as someone whose about to get all their privacy taken by some stupid bodyguard can be-!” in response, maki just laughed as he just made fun of his pathetic fate while advising him to convince the bodyguard to let him come.

after that, you didn’t really bother to care about their conversation and just blocked it out as it was irrelevant, and instead started thinking about the next course of action you could take. you took out your phone to shoot a message to your boss about your plan, to which you quickly received a thumbs up with her letting you know she would handle it. finally, you actually made some progress! you could definitely treat yourself to some good food for this.

————————————————————————

and handle it, she did. your boss sent you a message not long after, which you saw after class. she sent you some messages with information.

first of all, riki’s uncle was apparently consulting his close friends to get a good bodyguard, however she got to know that..

and secondly, she has connections with one of his close friends and managed to get them to vouch for you as bodyguard, so hopefully, mr riki’s uncle would agree and your plan would go smoothly!

all that’s left now is for your boss to give you the green light that you were appointed and then you could finally do your work. thank god that atleast now you don’t have to somehow flirt with this man. his cocky attitude would make it feel like you’re flirting with some full of himself guy from my university days.

————————————————————————

after a few days, you got the message that you were finally appointed as his bodyguard, after she pulled some strings here and there. you met the uncle who honestly seemed like a really chill guy for someone who is like.. a major target for like.. everyone in the political field.

you got a room next to riki’s in their abnormally large house so that you could be next to him at all times. obviously, you knew riki wasn’t actually going to accept it without any resistance, especially if his conversation with maki from a few days ago was anything to go off of. you just didn’t think he was going to be this mad..

“stay 10 feet away from me.”

“you aren’t coming into the restaurant. i don’t fucking care, if you want, tell my uncle.”

“can you please quit? if you don’t do it yourself i’ll say you were trying to harass me or something.”

“cry to my uncle about it, i am not letting you come”

that’s all you heard in your first few weeks! this goddamn asshole was extremely mad about having a bodyguard and he kept making my job difficult, so difficult that his uncle had to literally call me and ask me if i’m even doing my job! fucking hell.

for instance, the arcade night was a literal nightmare.

you followed riki down to the car that had come to pick him up, presumably with his friends.

you were about to open the door for him when he glared at you before getting in and immediately slamming the car door shut. what the fuck!? I could have lost my hand there! you tried your best to control yourself from lashing out at him and went to open the door, only for him to lock it immediately.

“excuse me?” you mouthed as you looked at riki questioningly. the windows of the car rolled down as riki put on of his arms on the sill, leaning back smugly. “what? pfft, you really thought you were going to come in the same car as me? how cute.” he scoffed before continuing, “get your own car. or maybe get the drivers to drive you there. orr…., better yet, leave my ass alone and have a life. thanks!” he waved you goodbye, smirking annoyingly before immediately having his friend drive off, not even letting you respond.

wait- he didn’t even tell you the address!? fuck!

you stood there dumbfounded, trying to figure out what to do. that fucker did that on purpose, didn’t he? you groaned, plopping down on the bench in the garden, figuring out how to tell his uncle that his beloved nephew abandoned his bodyguard.

and that was only one instance of a million, that occurred in that nightmarish week.

and quite frankly, it was a million too many. you had enough.

it was saturday night and riki was cooped up in his room, probably playing some shitty game. you were bored out of your mind but you couldn’t go anywhere as long as riki was in his room. you sighed before making a decision.

you were planning to talk to him about his annoying behaviour and thought, why not now? it’s time you disturb him a little too.

you walked out of your guest room and knocked on the door to his room.

no response. you knock again, twice this time.

no response, again. you knock once again, this time more aggressively.

seriously? i know he’s in there, is he actually ignoring me!? you groan before opening the door, sick of waiting for him to respond. and of course, he was playing video games. and almost as if to mock you, he put his headphones back on, showing you that he had his headphones off and indeed, could hear perfectly that you were knocking.

you walked over to his console before removing the plug. you play games yourself and you know very well how annoying it is to disconnect mid game. deserved!

as soon as the game turned off, you looked at riki.

“what the fuck was that for?” he practically shot daggers at you, placing down the controller and placing his attention on you.

“at least i have your attention now, no?” you smiled, leaning on the window in his room.

“could have just told me you were desperate for my attention, a bit dramatic, no?” he smirked, imitating your tone and wording the desperate in a tone that seemed a bit too.. inappropriate.. for the current situation.

“yup, that’s exactly what i would have done if you actually cared to look at me.” you paused before continuing, “anyways, i came to talk to you about the way you’re acting.”

“oh? what? you ‘gonna lecture me on how i am being unreasonable?” he said before scoffing. “yes, actually! you are being unreasonable! i am merely doing my job so can you not keep getting me in trouble? if you hate this so much, go talk to your uncle, not take it out on me!”

he stilled, almost as if he was listening to you intently, before chuckling. fucking chuckling at what you said. “seems you aren’t all that you portrayed yourself as when i saw you here, huh?” he said, grinning at you. you looked at him, confused at what he meant. “actually, i don’t hate this as much as you think. don’t get me wrong, i still do hate that i have no privacy but i was doing all that just to see you react.” he paused before continuing, “i mean, when i first saw you, it annoyed me that my father thought someone whose the same age as me somehow can protect me better than i can. i felt like annoying you to see how you’d react.” he confessed as if he was just telling you some gossip. he was kidding, right? just getting a reaction, my ass! he almost got me fucking fired like 7 times last week!

“are you fucking kidding me? is this some romantic story to you, a challenge to get me to react? seriously..” you sighed exasperatedly, and practically glaring at him. “what? is it so wrong of me to have some fun? it just amused me to see you acting all high and mighty when you’re my age.” okay, sure, maybe you were acting a little bossy because you found it funny that someone so cocky and popular at university was getting protected by you but- wait.. did he say ‘his age’!? how does he even know that?! “how do you know i’m your age? I don’t remember telling you my age, unless your uncle told you it..” you reply, confused.

he looked at you, almost looking puzzled at your question. “what? i thought you were just ignoring it but i think you actually didn’t realise.. you do know we are in the same university, right?” oh right, you had completely forgotten you had that whole university thing before. wait, but even then, did he actually notice you? damn.. “right, but i thought you didn’t know i existed.” you laughed sarcastically, looking at him.

you both talked to each other, surprisingly without him trying to piss you off every second and you having to clench your fists from anger. he was just a normal university student with a bit of a crazy home life and well.. extremely hot, if you haven’t mentioned it already. honestly, you don’t ever talk to the people you’re targeting like this so it was definitely something new. it made you see him as someone more.. life like? which is quite weird since you are technically about to take that very life out of him soon.

damn.

————————————————————————

riki.

nishimura fucking riki.

you don’t know what it was about him but damn did every single moment spent with him make you feel so weirdly happy.

at first, it was just nice to hangout with someone normally after years of having your only interaction with people being your colleagues or the people you were going to kill.

then, for some reason, he started spending almost all of his free time at home which just meant he was with me most of the time. as if conversing with him occasionally wasn’t already making you question your professionalism, now he’s spending all his time with you. normally, he would go out, hangout with friends and just do something away from me. and now? complete switch.

and on top of that, it was annoying you because it felt like a constant reminder that, ‘hey look, you have all the time and opportunities to kill him spotlessly and you. aren’t. doing. it. just admit, he makes you feel giddy.’ and you didn’t like that.

you had so many opportunities to just end this whole thing, easily get rid of your traces, but no. every time you would pick up that gun in your pocket, you would just end up putting it right back where it belongs. every. single. time.

sometimes, he would catch you in the act because of how your brain was practically short circuiting and you wouldn’t even realise that the gun was still in your hand. you wouldn’t even realise it and he would look at you, confused

“just what exactly were you planning to do with that?”

you made an excuse once, but you kept doing the same damn thing. maybe a part of you wanted him to see, be mad at you so maybe you could just finish the job quick. this was torture.

but then, you started to realise how suspicious he was being. not just once, not even twice but instead thrice! he caught you thrice, holding that gun, looking incredibly suspicious. hell one time you almost had it even pointed at him.

anyone would find it suspicious and at least confront you about it, if not directly get you removed! it almost felt like he knew, and was instead playing along. goddamn it.

and of course, he wasn’t stupid. he did notice. he saw all those times you looked like you were about to do something. he would be a fool if he didn’t find your behaviour at least a little suspicious. like how you became his bodyguard right after you conveniently overheard him talking about how his uncle was looking for a bodyguard for him.

like how you act like he doesn’t have a million targets on his back.

like how you were conveniently almost always in the same classes as him.

like how he would catch you trying to avoid him when he talked to you.

like how he would catch you holding a gun conveniently when he had his back to you.

like how he would catch that look of guilt, in your eyes.

he wasn’t stupid. in fact, far from it.

he knew and you kept confirming his suspicions.

the voices in my head screaming ‘run now’, im praying that their human

————————————————————————

and as if the universe was mocking you or maybe telling you to hurry up with it, his uncle actually goes on a business trip abroad from which he won’t be back for at least 2 weeks. great.

well, technically, it should be great, you should be ecstatic that you practically hit jackpot with this opportunity. especially with the constant messages of your boss telling you to hurry up becoming background music in your mission.

you should be happy but of course, you aren’t. you aren’t because you know you had just as many opportunities before and wasted them.

but you had made up your mind.

whatever you were doing, have been doing and might do if you don’t put an end to this is stupid.

and you are going to put and end to it today no matter what.

after ni-ki came back from uni, you spent some time on your laptop and with him, switching between the two and still never being able to pull out your gun.

finally, it was evening and ni-ki had said that he would make dinner for us, wanting you to try his cooking.

you made your way to the kitchen, finding him standing there.

“how’s it going?” you asked as you came up next to him, taking a spoon and trying some of the garnish he had made for the food. “mm.. tastes pretty good, honestly didn’t think you had it in you.” you chuckled as you looked up at him.

his breath hitched at the sound you made before clearing his throat, “impressed?” he said as he walked over to grab some dishes. “sure am.” you replied in the affirmative, watching him intently.

he came back and stood over you, reaching for something behind you. you were just about to move away when he placed a hand on the side, blocking you.

shit, he was close.

too close.

this whole time leading up to this, the sexual tension between you two was so thick it could be cut with a knife. so, you actually feeling something for him wasn’t the only thing distracting you.

you could practically hear his heartbeat due to how close he was.

and you could tell he knew, as he took his sweet time grabbing whatever the fuck he was grabbing behind you.

finally, he moved away, allowing you to let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

fucking hell! it was driving you insane that he kept doing this and breaking down the resolve you would slowly build up. before, you would at least pick up the gun but now? you could barely do even that.

you had enough. just as ni-ki turned around to focus on something in the bowl, you walked over to one of the knives on the counter, swiping it clean and sliding it on your finger. this wasn’t sharp enough.

then, you turned around and spotted the knife next to ni-ki, which looked extremely new and sharp. that could definitely work.

if you weren’t picking up the gun, you’ll just have to take the knife.

you slowly walked over, keeping an eye on whether he was continuing what he was doing or getting ready to turn around.

just as you were about to grab the knife, ni-ki turns around immediately and grabs your wrist, and yanks it away along with the knife.

and even then, instead of pushing you away, he only brings you closer.

fuck.

“honestly, if i didn’t already have my eyes on you, i wouldn’t have noticed you sneaking up on me at all. you’re honestly more skilled than i thought.” ni-ki said, looking down at you with that unexplainable look in his eyes, caressing your wrist with his fingers, sending shivers down your spine.

why you pointing at me with that knife?

“hah- so you did know?” you groaned. you were annoyed that he caught you but for now, you have to think about how to turn this around.

“god, how stupid do you think i am, huh? i can even tell right now that pretty little head of yours is fucking thinking of some way to turn this around, no?” he smiled, slowly inching the knife you were holding closer to himself.

“what the fuck are you doing?!” you spat, unconsciously trying to pull your hand away as if you weren’t planning to do exactly what he was right now. “thought i could make your work easier, no?” he replied, looking down at you with that same mocking he had in his tone.

“so you were just playing with me, huh? if you already knew my true intentions, why didn’t you do anything, hm?” you looked up at him, gripping the knife just a little bit tighter.

“i suppose i was just confident in my own skills being better than yours.” he replied, flicking out his tongue to wet his lips, looking directly into your eyes while doing so, making you almost drop the knife. “better than mine? tch, really? you should know i trained for this shit.” you replied, amused that some random untrained college student, no matter how tall or well built, actually thought he was better than a trained assassin.

“so did i, glad we have that in common.” he looked at you, sarcastically making it sound like some moment of getting to know each other. “honestly, as someone who worked in your field too, it’s pathetic seeing you act like this.”

“what.. are you saying?” what did he even mean, working in my field!? his words were barely registering in your brain. you tried to pull out of his grip but it seemed to only make it tighter, definitely leaving a mark there.

“god you still don’t get it, do you?” he smiled before continuing, “do you know how my parents died? because i don’t.” he scoffed. “my parents died in what the world deemed as an ‘unfortunate car accident’ but i knew better than to believe that.”

“i knew there was no way that was all there was to it. fortunately enough for me, my parents being in the same field you are, i naturally got pulled into it. but it worked in favour for me, i could use it to my advantage and find out the truth.” he leaned back a little before continuing, “and i tried. but my uncle found out after he came back to japan and was furious. ultimately, he pulled me out of that shithole and forced me to live my life normally as a student, at least for a bit. and well, here i am.”

and as if he didn’t just drop a bomb on me, he lazily smiled at you as if he just recited some joke. “uh.. what? i mean, thanks for the story?” you replied, unable to process. this must be a plot for something, assassin attempts to kill an assassin!? what the hell was happening..! “wait no, so you’re telling me that you- seriously?” you looked up at him shocked, unable to believe or understand him.

“honestly, it’s not as shocking as you’re making it seem. i mean, all i said was we have another thing in common.” he grinned. “anyways, you do know that i left your hand free for the past 5 minutes, right? you could have easily stabbed me” ni-ki spoke and as if to emphasise what he said, he grabbed my wrist once again. “or maybe.. you don’t even want to, hm? just admit you can’t.”

“and, so what if i can’t? it’s not like you’re pushing me back anyway, hm?” you retorted, looking right back at him.

“maybe i don’t want to push you away. maybe the real reason i didn’t run was because i liked what we had. even if what we had was this.” he said, bringing the knife closer again, emphasising what he meant.

“god when you say things like that..” you paused while getting closer and holding the knife to his heart, “i feel like stabbing this knife right into your heart.”

“go ahead. it’s yours anyways.”

you pulled away the knife before looking up at him, his words doing nothing to help the beating of your heart. you grip the knife in your hands before running your hands through your hair.

“careful or you’ll lose it”

“but girl, im only human”

as you run your fingers along the edge of the knife, ni-ki pushes your wrist to the side before pulling you in and crashing his lips on yours. your fingers rush to grab onto his shirt, stunned from the shock of his sudden action, before reciprocating the kiss with just as much eagerness.

the knife was long out of your hand and instead on the kitchen counter as ni-ki backed you up against the kitchen island, not breaking the kiss.

the kiss was like a silent plea between you two, a confession unspoken about the feelings between you two. a plea to put the differences behind.

his lips were warm against yours, moving against yours in a slow to gradually fast rhythm, getting more needy, rough and messy as time went. ni-ki’s hand rested on the small of your back, pulling you in even closer as his breath hitched due to your hands finding home in his hair.

you tried to pull away due to the loss of breath but it was useless as he only pushed you on top of the island before caging you with his arms on your sides.

finally, he pulled away, taking deep breaths as you both looked at each other. without wasting another second, ni-ki leaned in to kiss you but instead of doing so, he bit your bottom lip causing you to let out a gasp of his name, gripping his shirt that you wanted off, oh so desperately.

he hummed as if acknowledging your gasp before swiping his tongue over your bottom lip over the beads of blood that accumulated. “god, look at you fucking saying my name so prettily, hm? tell me..” he paused before pulling away to rest his head in the nape of your neck, “..do you fucking enjoy being reduced to a mess by me like this?”

you open your mouth to respond only to let out a sharp cry at the sensation of ni-ki’s teeth sinking into the skin on your neck. “fuck ni-ki- ngh-!” all you can do is gasp out in response to his degrading words, wrapping your legs around his waist, tugging on his hair.

only after licking and marking that spot did he pull away, grinning at the mark on your neck. “guess im the one who made a mark on your neck instead, hm? instead of you,” he wrapped his fingers around your neck before continuing “slitting my throat open like how you badly wanted to, right?” he let out a breathy laugh before squeezing your neck, blocking your passage of air making you throw your hand back and having your hands wrap around his wrist in a silent plea.

finally, ni-ki let go before tugging on your shirt, looking into your eyes for permission. you nodded shakily, still shocked from his earlier actions, letting him pull off your shirt that seemed to practically be burning your skin because of how hot it felt in the room.

as soon as the shirt was off, ni-ki leaned in, placing soft, wet kisses down your cleavage before reaching behind you to unclip your bra with ease, causing it to fall off your body, letting it be long forgotten.

he wasted no time before wrapping his lips around your nipples, eagerly sucking and biting on the flesh, causing you to arch your back, grinding against his crotch.

he groaned against your body, reaching to grab your hair without pulling away, pulling it back causing you to throw your head back, your hands rushing to support yourself on the counter.

he used his other hand to fondle your other breast, rolling the bud between his fingers. he pulled away after a bit, only to switch to the other breast.

he finally let go of the flesh, looking at the wet mess he had made. “god, look at you arching like that.. fucking whore..” his words a direct contrast to the way he was smirking at you.

“ni-ki, stop fucking teasing me-“ before you could complete your sentence, ni-ki used the opportunity to slip his fingers inside, gagging you with them as he scoffed. “really? is that the attitude you’re going to give me? acting like a brat as if you weren’t whimpering like a bitch in heat at just me sucking on your neck?” he pushed his fingers deeper inside, making you choke on it, your spit dripping down. “if you truly want it so bad, beg for it. show me just how damn pathetic you actually are.” and as if motioning for you to do so, he pulled out his fingers that were wet with your spit, making you almost embarrassed with how pathetic it made you look.

“just what makes you think i’d do that?” you replied, smirking. it’s not that you wouldn’t, you were ready to get on your knees at this point but, you wanted to see how far you could actually push him. “think? oh baby, i know you will.” ni-ki replied, the nickname making your cheeks red at the way your heart fluttered at the contrasting sweetness of it. he immediately leaned back in, leaving wet kisses down from your cleavage to your stomach before finding home between your thighs, pulling down the pants you were wearing.

“god, you act all high and mighty only to be drenched like a whore.” he hummed as he said those dirty words, rubbing his finger along your clothed cunt. you wish he was joking but you knew that you were practically dripping for him, the effect he had on you was making your head dizzy.

and ni-ki? he didn’t have any better of a condition. in fact it was probably worse. his cock was throbbing with need at the sight between your legs, wanting nothing more than to just rip those stupid panties off and make your writhe against him. it was painful but he wasn’t going to let go until you did. he would make sure you would eat your words.

he slowly pulled on the strap of your panties before letting it go, making it slap against your skin, the sensation making you let out a whine. your hands reached down to grab his hair, trying to signal that you wanted him to quit teasing. “words baby, i am gonna’ need you to use that pretty mouth of yours, yeah?” he spoke in response to your action, the vibrations of his voice making you arch your back. “fuck ni-ki, please-!” you spoke, your hips thrusting up in a desperate plea for him. “im sorry please just- ‘need you so bad-“ you cried out, not caring anymore about your pride and just babbling out pleas, begging pathetically.

“there you go, that’s what i wanted to hear.” he grinned before practically ripping your panties apart, shoving one of his digits inside causing a moan to escape your mouth. he barely waited before slipping out his finger and replacing it with his tongue, eagerly lapping up your juices.

you gripped his hair tight, pulling him deeper causing him to groan. he continued his ministrations before adding his fingers once again, finding that plush spot that practically made you see stars. you didn’t even bother to control your moans, silently thanking his uncle again for being on a 2 week trip, but this time, for a much different reason.

you let out a whimper of his name, trying to speak but only letting out ineligible slurs. “gh- ni-ki! ‘m close, hah-“ you arched your back even more, rolling your eyes back, moaning out. “please-“

rollin’, rollin’, rolling back your eyes through your mind like

ni-ki only gripped your thighs tighter, pulling them around him, and inserting another finger, using his thumb to draw numbers ‘eights’ on your clit, urging you, making your thighs shake as your body chased your high.

you let out a broken whimper as you finally let go, your high crashing down on you as you released all over his fingers and face, shaking. but instead of pulling away, ni-ki only continued to fuck your cunt with his tongue, not bothering to slow down. “w-wait ni-ki- slow down, i can’t-!” you cried out, trying to push him away but only pushing your hips further into his face, the pleasure becoming overwhelming.

he finally pulled away, looking up at you as he licked one of his fingers clean, looking right into your eyes, a smirk on his face. “god you have such a pretty cunt, hm? all for me too.” he said, slapping the flesh causing you to let out a silent scream, as if he was confirming his words. he pushed one of his fingers back in, finger fucking your cunt even though you were already shaking.

“s’too much- fuck ni-ki no more-“ “fuck stop running your mouth for once, huh? you can take it.” he interrupted your pleas, shoving his finger deeper and massaging that spot, making you reach your high once again. you cried out once again, your cunt spasming around his finger and creaming.

“there you go, i knew you could do it.” ni-ki said before licking his fingers clean once again, grinning at you. “god, never thought you could be such a whore. all i need is one finger to ruin you like this?” he got up and slammed his lips on yours, wanting you to taste yourself.

you moaned into the kiss, wrapping your hands around his neck and pulling him in. you break the kiss and tug on his shirt, telling him to remove it.

thankfully, he didn’t say much before letting you pull it off, only to pull you in and kiss you once again.

you pushed against him and use the opportunity to turn him around against the island, getting on your knees. ni-ki ran his hands through his hair, breathing heavily as he looked down at you, observing you.

you unzipped his pants, before wrapping your hands around his cock, slowly running them up and down, causing him to groan and grip your hair.

“fuck, quit it-“ ni-ki moaned out, tightening his grip and pushing you towards him. and you did listen as you opened your mouth and took him inside your mouth, practically gagging due to his length.

ni-ki let go momentarily to grip the counter before grabbing a fistful of your hair and pushing you in, using your mouth for his pleasure. “that’s it- god, your mouth- feels so good..” he threw his head back, face-fucking you.

but, this only continued for so long before ni-ki forcefully pulled you away, bringing you up. “turn around.” you were confused at his action but decided on just doing as he said, turning around. you see him grab his discarded shirt from earlier and place it down on the counter, before pushing your face down onto the shirt, making sure you didn’t get hurt. if you could, you would have teased him about how he made sure you would be comfortable but quite frankly, you weren’t in a position to do, literally and figuratively.

just as you were distracted, you felt a cold sensation on your back, making you involuntarily arch your back. ni-ki leaned in close to your ear to whisper, “can you guess what this is, hm?” while slowly dragging the cold metal like object down your back. “let me answer for you. i bet that pretty head of yours is too fucked out to let out a coherent answer.” honestly, he wasn’t wrong, you could barely think, let alone play a game of guessing.

“it’s the same knife,” he pressed the object, which you now know is a knife, into the small of your back as if proving his words, causing you to yelp due to the sharp sting, “ ,you tried to oh, so cruelly end my life with. does it strike a chord?” you whimpered into his shirt, the scent of his perfume short circuiting your sense. it wasn’t just a painful sting but instead it definitely bordered between pain and pleasure, the lines barely existing. and the reality of his words only made the sensation, weirdly enough, better. yeah, you were going insane and it was all this damned nishimura’s fault.

you felt him slowly drag the knife down your back, only teasing the sharp edge along your skin. once he got to the back of your thighs, he softly dragged the sharp side of the knife, drawing something that you were honestly to fucked out to figure out. the knife wasn’t digging into your skin and only just scratching it, which caused a slight burning pain, still ignorable nonetheless and made you whine into the shirt.

ni-ki let out a chuckle at your sound, his self control barely hanging on by a thread as he pulled away the knife and placed it away from you, not wanting you to get hurt badly later on.

“you look so fucking pathetic right now..” leaned over you, grabbing the belt from the front before dragging it down your back, “god, the things i want to do to you..” he groaned, almost annoyed at how insane you were making him feel. you moaned out in response, pushing your hips back, wanting him to quit teasing you. he pulled away the belt only to roughly strike it on the plush of your ass, making you gasp and grip the counter.

as soon as he did that, you heard him pull away only to roughly grab your wrist, securing them behind your back with the belt, tying them. just as you were about to let out a sound of protest, you felt his cock prod at your entrance, causing you to instinctively push your thighs together but getting blocked by ni-ki’s hand.

he held your thighs apart before roughly slamming in, not giving you a warning making you let out a sharp cry of his name.

“ni-ki-! fuck-!” you cried out, fighting against the restraints your hands were bound in. eventually you resorted to digging your fingers into you palm, using it as some sort of way to ground yourself to reality. ni-ki barely slowed down before picking up a relentless pace, pushing his cock deep into you before pulling out completely, only to slam himself back again.

you heard him groan and dig his fingers into your hips as you pushed your hips up, doing your best to meet his thrusts even though you barely could due to how fast he was going. you were surely going to have bruises everywhere, tomorrow.

“take it, so fucking.. gh- pretty for me-“ you could tell ni-ki had lost all of the control he had earlier too due to the way he was groaning and letting out slurs of praises and degradation. “my pretty slut, right?” he snapped his hips up to emphasise every word he said. “my. pretty. fucktoy. all fucking mine-“

“hah- ni-ki! yours, yours, please-! slow down-“ you could barely register how loud you were but also you couldn’t care less, just letting out sobs of his name as he continued ramming his cock into your cunt.

he slowed down just a little before pulling out and turning you around. “fuck, you’re being too loud. do you really want all the guards outside to find out how much of a dumb cockslut you are, huh?” he smirked at you before grabbing the panties you were wearing, that was now soaked in your release and wetness, and shoved it into your mouth. you let out a sound of surprise but as quickly as it came, it was replaced by ni-ki slamming back into you, this time pushing one of your legs onto your chest and the other on his shoulder, the new spot causing you to practically black out as he thrusted into you.

all that could be heard from you were pathetic whimpers that were muffled against your panties, a constant reminder of his effect on you. and shit, the sight? it was sending ni-ki into overdrive, taking everything inside him to control himself from releasing then and there. and it didn’t help that your cunt was gripping him like a vice.

you arch your back as you reach your high, shaking as you released on his cock. you cried out, tears clouding your vision.

“that’s it baby- cream on my cock like that.” he groaned, throwing his head back and letting out quiet, guttural moans. “shit im close- where do you want me to-“ you quickly interrupt him by pushing your hips up, despite being insanely tired to do so, to signal that you wanted him to finish inside you.

you felt him twitch at your action, before one of his hands come up to wrap around your throat, shoving you deeper into the counter. he was already going insane every time he looked at you, which was practically all the time since his eyes were always on you, due to how fucking cute you looked, so much smaller compared to him. and now you want him to fill you up? “fuck, yeah? you want me to fill this pretty pussy up? fucking breed you and make you all fucking mine, hm?” you sob out his name, nodding to agree as his words made it all the more pleasurable, shaking from the overstimulation.

you feel your release nearing once again causing you to moan out his name again “gh- ni-ki!”, unable to even wrap your mind around how you were already this close again. ni-ki’s moans increased in sound before he finally slammed into you one last time, filling you up with his release, you following right after. he slowly stilled, still thrusting into you and riding out both of your releases before finally stopping.

the room was filled with the smell of sex and your deep breaths joining together. you wrapped your hands around his neck to pull ni-ki in, and he obliged, slowly placing his lips on yours, a stark contrast to the atmosphere just a few seconds ago.

and all you two could think about was,

‘well, damn. that was the best mistake you both had made in your lives’

————————————————————————

note: damn this lowkey brain vomit filth do forgive me if this is bad i was losing it towards the end and i suck at smut AND i didnt cross check this

[writingisart-yes]

Game #7 - Not Blushing, You Are

Game 1 Game 2 Game 3 Game 3.5 Game 4 Game 5 Game 6 Game 7

Brief spicy scene, but nothing too bad.

I say it over and over again, my new personal mantra. It was just a dream. I whisper it under my breath with every step I take. I shut up as I get closer to the dining room, the words taking place in my thoughts instead. Can’t have them thinking I’m insane can I? Oh Fuck it. It’s hell everyone’s insane.

I felt off today. It might just be my hangover, but I couldn’t shake this feeling. I paused in the doorway. Alastor. He’s not doing anything special, just sipping his morning coffee while talking to Charlie about what I presume to be hotel plans.

But damn, he’s infuriatingly beautiful. Was he always this pretty? I choose to forget about the event, asking Alastor would only give him leverage. He’d probably say something irritating like "Dreaming about me, darling? How scandelous?” or some other pompous shit.

I slid into my usual seat next Angel. “Hey.” I greeted him, tearing my eyes away from Alastor before he noticed.

Angel looks at me weirdly. “You don’t look so good. Was it the achohol?” I shrug in response. Honestly, I was drained. I didn’t really feel like talking or listening or anything at the moment.

“Back to square one huh? Ice for miles.” He teases and spreads his arms out to emphasize the “miles” part. “And to think we got somewhere"

I chucked. “Nothing like that, I’m just tired and hungover.”

"Hungover? Yeah, maybe. But you look like somethin’ else is eatin’ at ya."

My gaze flits to Alastor to see if he’s listening before returning to the plate in front of me. “I’m fine, just a bit troubled about the prank war.”

It wasn’t a total lie. The prank war was between Alastor and me, and I had trouble with Alastor so same thing. I felt bad lying to Angel. That’s the problem with me I get so attatched and after last night, I wanted to tell him everything.

“Yeah, alright. I won’t push.” He smiles, and offers me one of the pastries on his plate. Even though it’s hard for me to down food in the morning, I take it.

My gaze kept landing on Alastor throughout breakfast. I couldn’t help but notice the sharpness of his smile. I don’t remember the edges being that pointy.

Even though it’s probably just a dream, I want to make sure. I want to make sure it’s all in my head. I need to find proof.

I break out of my daze when I hear my name fall from Angel’s mouth. “Hmm?” I ask turning my attention back to him.

“I asked you if you want some coffee. I was about to go get some for myself. You know, work day today.” Angel asks giving me a knowing look.

“I’m good, and it’s not like that.” I huffed.

“I didn’t say nothing!” He laughs.

As Angel leaves to grab his coffee, I shift my gaze back to my plate, trying to shake the gnawing feeling in my chest. The room hums with chatter and clinking silverware, but it all dulls when I hear his voice.

“Lost in thought, dear?”

I almost jump out of my seat at the sound. He must’ve finished his conversation with Charlie. His voice slips through the air—like honey laced with something sharp. I glance up, and he’s already watching me with amusment.

“Something like that” I don’t bother forcing a smile and instead glare at him. He doesn’t have to know he’s consuming my every thought right now.

His grin widens, just slightly. “I do hope you’re not letting our little games keep you up at night.”

His words are harmless, but they send a chill down my spine. I swallow thickly. “Not at all.”

Alastor hums, tilting his head, and for a second—just a second—the shadows around him seem darker. But when I blink, everything looks normal again.

“You’d tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?” he asks, mock concern dripping from his tone.

“Absolutely not” I shut down his question with narrowed eyes. “You are the last person I’d spill my heart to.”

I get up from my seat and walk away. “It’s rude to leave in the middle of a conversation~” His voice follows me as I walk out the dining room. Fuck him.

I’m sitting on my bed, headphones on, crouched over my laptop. I was emailing the advertisement I just made to my latest client. I had to make ends meet and freelancing was easy enough if you had tech skills so that’s what I did.

I stretch, take my headphones off, and shove the computer off my lap. I fall backwards onto the plush pillows and cushions with a huff. I love my bed.

I exhale as my body sinks into the mattress. My body feels heavy and the sheets are cool against my skin. My eyes flutter to a close.

Then, a change. I feel warmth. A scent lingers in the air—rich, intoxicating, familiar. My breath hitches. It’s not my sheets that I’m sinking into.

A whisper, low and smooth, curls around my ear.

“Did you miss me, darling?”

My stomach twists, heat blooming under my skin before I even open my eyes. I’d know his voice anywhere. Alastor.

I feel him before I see him—his presence, the electricity in the air, the ghost of fingers tracing down my arm. My heart pounds. This isn’t real. It can’t be.

But when I open my eyes, he’s there. And he looks ravenous.

I’m straddling him and I have no idea how we got here, but I want him. Then—soft fingers graze my skin, tracing up my arm. My pulse stutters.

Alastor leans in as if he’s about kiss me, but stops. We’re so close I can feel his breath on my face. I feel my body react before my mind catches up. A slow smirk curls at the corner of his mouth.

“Oh, darling…”

His hands trace up my sides, slow and deliberate, setting my skin ablaze. My breath catches, but he doesn’t rush. He wants to hear it—to feel how easily he unravels me. His voice is silk and sin when he speaks.

“You want me to stop?”

It’s not a real question. And we both know the answer.

“No.”

And just like that we become a tangle of arms and legs. He’s on top of me, pinning my wrists to the bed. His grip tightens, and before I can think, fabric is slipping away, heat pressing into heat—

My eyes fly open, my chest rising and falling with unsteady breaths. For a second, I swear I can still feel his touch. The room is dark, silent—too real. Fuck.

What is wrong with me? This is the second time I’ve dreamed of him, and I’m wet because of it this time. I make my way to the bathroom and splash water on my face.

I stare into my reflection. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I ask out loud. God, I really am insane. I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes.

An idea emerged. I would just prank him. Get back to the war, do something to pay him back. I smirked. Yeah, that works. I’ll get myself stuck in his head like he is in mine. I have a lot of work to do.

[playlamb]

I don’t know how to fucking read. I can’t read anything and have to be guided and introduced slowly because anything foreign (like unfamiliar cadence/words) is disorienting and unbearable, it overstimulates me to the point of meltdowns. This has made learning impossible, it gave up years ago on trying to look up books or doing research on things even thou it really wanted to. It fucking sucks man. I want to read philosophy. I want to read about religions and alchemy and the occult. There’s so much I can’t do alone and need guidance for. I don’t want to be disabled in this way but I am. I am not fucking around when I say I want support- friends/community, and partners willing and able to help me in this way. Nobody has ever helped me with my needs so I know Nothing. I can’t cook an egg. I can’t do dishes. I can learn but I need assistance. Some things like the ones I just mentioned— I can do them if I’m guided the first however many times, and once the process feels familiar I can do it alone, you’ll never have to help again. Other things I need assistance for longer, or I’ll always need help with. Lol I hate my life so much, I love the idea of independence , I love the feeling of freedom, but I’ve never had it. It’s possible but I’ve never had the help I need to achieve that, in any form. At all, ever. I’m so tired, because I hate this. I hate the total neglect I’ve suffered, and I don’t know what to do but I, lol I don’t want to live this way anymore, I can’t.

I am not kidding when I say I want to be adopted, but I don’t like depending on one person fully, i don’t like a life like that, and I don’t want to burden anyone..I like the idea of living with a partner or something, or even next to a partner, but also having some support network where I have many people I can ask for help,. I like learning and I like being independent , I just, need assistance.

[lesbiansanemi]

Currently trying not to vomit over the fact that I essentially just lost almost a thousand dollars brb

[simcardiac-arrested]

zavijava info PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!! PLEASEEEEE ZAVIJAVA COME HOME ... PLEASE .... umm um um ill tell you about umm . tma au im making for nastya if u tell me about her .PLEASE!!!!!!!

so she is definitely a star of some kind. i mean she is an angel but in that story in particular The Stars are kind of angels. like they’re otherworldly beings and they jus kinda hang out. cosmically. it’s a different dimension separated from the human one but like, obviously stars still exist for humans, they just don’t do anything crazy because the rules of the world dictate that their realities shouldn’t interact. angels can observe the other world from far up above yet they still exist on a different level. But tbh zavijava had never enjoyed the otherworldly ethereal whatever lifestyle—she just didn’t feel like she fit in there. she is a #1 humans fan though so she knows that’s where she’d fit in. so she does just that. she fits in perfectly :) and normally :) yay :)

[the-brainrot-central]

Hot tip for teens: maybe don’t go to college straight out of high school, especially if you don’t know what you want to study, have zero work ethic, motivation, or desire to succeed, and no goals correlated to obtaining your degree to motivate you. Cus if you do, you’re gonna be pretty fucked.

[un-pearable]

whoops . i know i’ve gotten sufficiently emotionally attached to a series when just looking it up on the TV is enough for me to get lethally giddy and self conscious

[stonesandswords]

.

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

good lord my brain is running laps and i just wanna knock it out and get some goddamn sleep

[designernishiki]

You asked for a fic rec so I’ll toss this one at ya: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46767358?view_full_work=true Stick through the formatting for the characterization, tone, and really the whole vibe of this fic. I haven’t been able to get the bathroom call between Daigo and Majima out of my head for weeks since I read it with how naturally it all flows. My own little Daigo characterization booklet to review when I feel like I need a refresher on him.

so I may have stayed up until 6am reading this (would’ve slept earlier but I couldn’t stop reading it) and hgggahaghhhhaggahshhhhhhhh that was one of the most well-characterized fics I’ve ever read what the fuck. like the differences in how each character speaks (both tone-wise and in differing levels of authenticity) and how they speak to specific others (the daigo and majima dyanmic specifically- how they actually take into account how long they’ve been working really closely- SO good), the mental anguish and chaos vs the overwhelming emptiness of being daigo dojima but no longer The 6th Chairman Daigo Dojima……….I could keep going but I think you get it.

tbh I’d been wanting to write something exploring a similar set of dynamics/situation (post-kiryu’s fake death, interactions with haruka, daigo, and/or majima specifically, reflecting on his shortcomings while acknowledging the heavy Grief left behind) but now I’m like. well I still could but this was so well written in regards to daigo and haruka that, as far as something between those two goes, I don’t feel the need to.

thanks for the recommendation! my brain is broken now (affectionate)

[realcowboysdrinkjuice]

barely anyone follows me so this will get zero notes but i do not care i am so excited and need to share this somewhere

I GOT MY FIRST COLLEGE ACCEPTANCE LETTER!!!!! FOR THE UK!!!!! SO NO MATTER WHAT THE OTHERS SAY I HAVE A YES!!! AND IM SO EXCITED HOLY SHIT!!!! ITS ALL I WANTED!!!!!!

and i was so fucking scared especially with covid making my gap year long and making everything scarier but i did it and no matter what happens i have a place to go and things are finally moving forward again and holy fuvk i’m going to study illustration overseas like i wanted to before shit went BAD because OOF CLASS OF 2021 NOT A GOOD YEAR especially not a good year in the united states of america where they didnt do jack all to try and prevent it DEAR GOD !!!! bUT OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

usually i’d yell to my family but everyone is asleep oops because it’s almost 6 am my sleep schedule is WRECKED RN so nobody is awake and i did. text anyway cause it was big enough to do it anyways but i was still just yelling into the void so i’m yelling into the void here too

[giveme-allofthat-ultraviolence]

You literally gave me every reason to cry last night and then you say if I ever need to talk to someone I can go to you???? Like sybau actually everybody pulls this bullshit