#I can say that confidently because I genuinely felt so out of control for most of my life

[laineystein]

Hi! If you would like to share, I would love to hear your journey of becoming a doctor. I'm currently trying to get into studying medicine, and a few days ago I received the results of the psychometric test (my second time) and my grade isn't high enough (by just a few points!), which means I can't try to get into university again until next academic year (and even if my grade in the psychometric is good it's not guaranteed I will get in). I'm thinking about maybe trying for Italy this year, but it will be pretty last minute, and I might just burn a lot of effort for nothing. It's already 2 years since I finished the army and I feel the clock is ticking. I feel like this year was completely wasted. Besides studying for psychometric I was pretty much depressed and doing nothing with my life, and even at studying I wasn't doing my best. I hear how you say things will get better, but I feel completely hopeless. I can't see the light in the end of the tunnel. I just feel like life is a constant battle.

There’s a lot to unpack here. First, I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s a horrible feeling and I wish I could make it go away for you because I have been there and I know so many others have too. Life is hard and sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it feels like it always sucks and always will. But I promise you it doesn’t! Or it doesn’t have to.

So growing up I actually wanted to be a dancer and when my parents told an eight year old me that wasn’t a viable career, I pivoted and decided that being a doctor was a decent second option because that was also something I was pretty passionate about. I’m a stubborn bitch so once I decided that’s what I wanted to do, that’s what I did. I was a Biology major in undergrad and did a typical four year degree in a little over two years. I graduated high school a year early so I actually went right from high school into university, then I did my 2+ years in the army, then I went to med school. I decided to go back to the US for med school for very stupid reasons and even though I got into great schools and ended up attending a great school, I was absolutely miserable in med school. I had no friends. It was a terrible time in my life. But!!! It did motivate me to study hard so I could do well and get the hell out of there. Not having friends means I had no social life so I just spent every waking moment being the best damn med student I could be. But yeah I was incredibly depressed and feeling very aimless because even though I was doing well, I was defeated. I kind of realized that I had rushed so many parts of my life and everyone said I was successful but I didn’t feel that way. I actually felt very empty. Success is relative. So just because someone is checking all of life’s boxes doesn’t mean they’re actually doing well. I was a whole ass doctor right before my 30th birthday and I was still miserable. Getting the things you always thought you wanted and things that the world tells you you should want doesn’t mean that life is suddenly perfect. Because bottom line, there is no timeline in life. There are no rules. This has been my journey but it’s not everyone’s journey. It’s clearly not your journey and that’s okay! That just means the universe has other plans for you - don’t be afraid of it! It’s so exciting to see what your future holds! Keep doing your best and things will figure themselves out. There are also so many things you can do in the medical field that isn’t being a doctor (many which are far more rewarding) - maybe the world is trying to show you a different path. But at the end of the day you want to be a doctor, you will find a way to be a doctor. Your age doesn’t matter. I’m in my thirties and I’m about to be a first time mom IYH, meanwhile my best friend is the same age and has 4 kids, the oldest of which is 9! She didn’t have kids early and I’m not having kids late. We’re all doing things when we’re meant to. I promise you that you are blessed even if it doesn’t feel that way! You are surrounded by good things that will lead you to the things you want and deserve, you just need to be patient. Hashem has a plan! You are not in charge here! Trust the process!

And I know that if I was in your shoes I wouldn’t want to hear any of this and I would want concrete answers but as someone who somehow survived it all, I promise you that you just need to keep working hard and remain open to whatever the world has planned for you. Good things are coming! Maybe those good things just aren’t the good things you’ve been waiting for. Or maybe they are and you just need to hold on a little while longer. Let life happen and take care of yourself. You deserve happiness and I hope it finds you soon 💛

[thefirstlioveyou]

i hate when mike's "romantic love" for el is adored and romanticized when it's really the most anxious and unhealthy form of attachment, but his healthy and secure love for will is just seen as platonic

mike with el:

"i'm scared one day you won't need me anymore."

"but what if she doesn't need me anymore?"

"i can't lose you."

"i can't lose you again."

"i don't know how to live without you." (this is devastating.)

given the circumstances mike was put with with el in s1, his statements of love is more of rooted from trauma rather than actual romantic love. he's constantly afraid of losing her the same way he did in the last episode of s1, especially since he blames himself for it for the way he treated her.

he also feels a sense of self worth from the concept of being with a girl - a girl as cool and superhero-like as el that.... but not because it's EL. that's the problem. this sense of worth comes from being NEEDED, and el NEEDED mike to protect her (at the time of s1). THAT'S what he takes interest about their relationship. mike can't even mention one thing he likes about her that isn't about her powers in his monologue. he can't even tell will one thing when he was venting.

even acknowledged by shawn levy, the duffers and finn, mike simply feels a sense of worth when he's helping/saving someone - that's not necessarily romantic because....

and then we have el's side of this. el had fallen into the same pattern as she did in the lab when it comes to needing someone to rely on. she loses her own self-worth when she's with mike, unable to really identify herself. her "romantic love" for mike roots in a very traumatic place. she didn't even consider him in that way before he kissed her. she saw him as a caregiver (and possible family) - this is why she clings so tightly to him, it's reminiscent of her trauma in that sense. but in s3 and s4, she realizes who she is without mike (or feeling controlled by a relationship)

el's whole arc is not needing to rely on someone anymore, which is contradictory to what mike wants. the puzzle pieces aren't fitting with them!!

mike with will:

"max, dustin, lucas - they're great but they're not you."

"i asked if you wanted to be my friends ... it was the best thing i ever did."

"if anyone knows how to defeat this thing, it's will." (mike trusts will even in a dangerous situation, whereas in s3 he's more anxious for el, despite losing them both before. why? because he felt a sense of responsibility for el, not will.)

"if we both go crazy, we'll go crazy together."

"i didn't say it." "you didn't have to."

what he tells will is often more positive, and never putting himself or others down in the process. there's more trust and security.

"but what about s2? wasn't he scared to lose him?" but he never felt loss of control that season. he never held him back from anything and even insisted on things that could've been dangerous, but there was trust. even comparing his monologue in s2 vs s4, there is a sense of calmness and confidence in his words. he doesn't blabber and just keeps his words short and to the point. there isn't dramatic music build up to intensify the scene. it's intimate and genuine, not a performance.

the whole "you didn't have to" part is SOO underrated. it just proves more of what i'm saying! mike is more secure with will and they simply just get one another, whereas mike and el do not!

he also still acknowledges his other friends and how valuable they are to him, while saying will is different to him. (AND this can be backed up, unlike the s4 monologue. we can see throughout the entire show that this is true, will stands out amongst the rest of his friends to him). one of the big problems mike had in s3 was forgetting friendships and his values for the sake of having a girlfriend.

it's also evidently clear how mike acts with el vs will is very different. mike never brings up his interests with el and instead tries to play cool, tries extra hard to be funny and impress her. (pizza box glasses, the horrendous airport fit, "i like- i like presents too," his weird talking/responding patterns with el at the airport/roller rink)

but the actual mike is nerdy. he's part of the av club. he's into science projects. he's into dnd. he's into figures. literally the moment mike tried showing her his figures she did NOT gaf LMAOO (i understand her priorities lied else where but still, it's a showcase of her lack of interest in mike's hobbies). but will knows these things and takes interest in all of them. will KNOWS mike more than el does.. of course he does, they've known each other since they were 5. you're lying to yourself if you believe mike and el know each other more - they don't even know themselves with each other.

and before i end this, i wanna add this one thing:

"but, if mike and el is platonic even if mike was protective, doesn't this mean that s2 byler was platonic too?" the act of caring for someone is what's platonic. there isn't anything necessarily romantic about it, that's true. but byler is more than just what happened in s1 or s2. byler's love doesn't root from their trauma with all that's going on. mike doesn't feel this connection to will because he went missing - it's love that's grown over time even before they encountered the upside down.

byler isn't real because mike cares about will's life. byler is real because mike separates his relationship with will from his friends, his intimate eye contact, his physical contact, his gentleness, his attentive behavior to will's own behavior/absence, him literally thinking meeting will was the best thing he's ever done.

and mike is still needed by someone the way he wants. will needs him, and not for any reasons related to trauma... simply because will sees the good in mike and who he really is as a person and as a whole. mike brings the best out of will and inspires him.

their love starts from simply knowing and getting each other, whereas mike and el's only begins from unhealthy attachment and trauma on either side. THAT'S the difference. it's nothing more than mike needing to save someone.

anyway i just wanted to point out what i noticed between his dialogue w each person! it's very tough seeing what he says to el viewed as peak romance by certain people, watching his trauma being overlooked for the sake another heterosexual romance. but when he showcases actual secure behavior with another person that happens to be a gay character, they're just friends... not gay at all.

[the-great-papyru]

Flowey and Friendship

prior to true pacifist, flowey does not know what friendship is. and how would he?

this is going to be a lot, so actual post under the cut. (figured out how to do that)

let’s start at the beginning. asriel was not known for having a lot of friends. to be blunt, he had one and only one. and that friend is not known for being an exceptional influence. this is not to say that they were horrendous, or cruel, or didn’t care for asriel. but they certainly had an odd way of showing that care.

their end goal was the freedom of monsterkind. and this is an admirable goal. and i’m certain asriel was more than a minor inspiration for this goal. this monster had shown them more love than they’d ever experienced! they felt the need to return the favor.

but enough about chara, they’re a topic for another time. the point is, they tried to help asriel. that was their motive. and what a nice motive! their methods, however… were less than nice.

sound familiar yet?

maybe not. just in case, let me dive deeper into their “methods.” these mostly included stringing asriel along and telling him whatever they thought he needed to hear to follow them in their plan. whether that was to toughen up, an assurance that he’d be with his friend the whole time, or a way to disconnect the souls from the lives he had to take. not to mention omitting information, lying in some form or another…

it was manipulation for a greater good.

exactly what flowey was up to in his early resets. flowey became “friends” with everyone. not even he believes that it was actual friendship. and he is correct.

during the early resets and reloads, however, flowey likely had no idea what he was doing. as far as he knew, friendship was a one-sided effort. a give and take relationship where one gives and another takes. he hadn’t learned it any differently. yes, he cared for chara, of course he cared for chara! and he had taken them in, he did try to help them out… but when it came down to it, they were the one in charge. and the rest was lost to flowey. besides, what was the problem with helping everyone out?

“flowey” wasn’t a product of boredom. he wasn’t a product of curiosity. flowey became who he was because he wanted to reach the best possible ending.

flowey became who he was because he wanted to help people, not because he wanted to hurt them.

and that’s the thing i don’t think he realizes. he never understands that the reason he doesn’t truly have a friend is because he’s working too hard at it. instead he blames it on his lack of a soul. how can he be expected to make friends if he can’t feel love for them?

in fact, this mentality is probably another part of what drove him to his behavior in the first place. before he even started “helping” others, he was confident that he’d never have a true friendship, if he couldn’t even love the people he tried to “befriend.” it was skewing his view from the start. a self-fulfilling prophecy. flowey considered himself part of the outside from the very beginning. he focused all his energy on helping everyone else and none on actually… building a friendship. it’s hard to focus on that when you’re not willing to share anything about yourself. there was a task, flowey needed it completed, simple as that.

flowey also has a lot of distrust and paranoia built up. most players should know by now of the dialogue you get from multiple neutral routes in a row. for just a second, he believes frisk might genuinely want to be friends with him.

and then he immediately shuts the possibility down. now, i think there’s two factors to this.

first of all, they remind him of himself. he’s convinced himself that he’s emotionless, that he can’t feel, so frisk is probably the same. he’s shut himself off from caring. he’s scared that if he believes that they care, he might care too. one of his greatest fears is losing control. if he cares and they lie, he’ll be left powerless. so it’s safer for him to close himself off entirely. he has lost one friend. he refuses to lose another.

second, there’s the certainty in flowey’s mind that he simply cannot reciprocate that caring. why should frisk care about someone who can’t care back? why should anyone? and he hates that feeling of not feeling. he’ll do anything to avoid that. of course he starts killing, of course he starts thinking of people as toys, if he thinks of them as people he has to come to terms with the fact that they are people, that he should care about but can’t. but you don’t have to care about a toy.

in summary, flowey imposes isolation upon himself and refuses to feel.

what about true pacifist, then?

true pacifist is what really give flowey’s arc some closure. because in true pacifist, he opens up a bit. he cares about chara, they’re the one person he’d allow himself to feel for. so it’s fitting that the person he thinks is chara is the one he reveals his identity to. he wouldn’t show anyone else he’s asriel, but chara deserves to know.

and then he shows off for them. not entirely sure why. maybe he feels the need to prove himself to them. prove that he’s not “weak” anymore. that he could kill any number of humans without blinking, if chara wanted him to.

asriel was loyal to a fault, and that loyalty just became greater the more chara faded from a person to an idol. eventually flowey just molded the idea into whatever he thought of it (see post-ruins genocide monologue). they were placed on a pedestal. he didn’t even have to do the placing, monsterkind had that covered already.

chara became a mentality. “kill or be killed.” it’s not some evil mantra. it just means “be strong enough, stop caring enough that you can never be hurt again.” LOVE is a measurement of your ability to inflict pain on others. it’s a measurement of how much you steel your heart against empathy. hp, defense… they both increase when you gain LOVE. you can hurt more. you can get hurt less. and the way to gain it… “kill or be killed.”

the final battle isn’t about defeating some cosmic soul-stealing threat. it’s about helping a lost kid understand that it’s okay to feel.

the souls?

they had nothing to do with it.

[coff33notforme]

The Rise boys with an s/o who shows affection via biting, like they can just be hanging out And Reader just bites their respective turtle

A/n: Eats this request. I love this idea sm, especially considering how I actually bite my friends to show affection. I only did Leo and Donnie though, because I couldn't think of anything for Raph and Mikey, so I hope thats alright.

Pairing: Leo and gn reader, and Donnie and gn reader (separately!)

Leo

Whines the first time you did it, he was complaining about how you bit him to hard

But after a while he becomes kind of desensitized to it 

He even turns it into a sort of game 

Whoever gets the most bites at the end of the day wins the game

“What are you doin’ Leo?” 

“Can’t talk Raph, Oh! That reminds me, have you seen Y/N?”

“Uh no? Why?”

“I need to bite them, let me know if you see them.”

It confuses the hell out of his brothers when Leo is walking around the lair like a hungry animal hunting its next meal

Especially when they witness you creeping around, looking to them with a finger pressed over your mouth as if signaling them not to alert their blue brother

It’s like a really, really weird version of hide and go seek 

Usually Leo is the one who ends up having to look for you and when he finds you it ends with you two wrestling on the floor, while Leo tries to bite you #couplegoals <3

Honestly you two have created an entire new love language

You and Leo sat side by side on your plush couch, flailing your arms frantically before you wilted in defeat letting out a tired groan as Leo let out a triumphant yell. Not once had you been able to beat him in Mario Kart, and as fun as having Leo kick your butt was, you wanted to win, even if just once.

“I told you you wouldn’t be able to beat me, I’m reigning champ y/n! It was a cute try though.” Leo hummed as he placed a small peck on your frowning face. 

“Ah come on Nardo! Please, let me win, just once?” you pleaded, clasping your hands together in desperation. Leo let out a low hum, tapping his finger against his face in thought. As if thinking hard on the matter.

“Nope.” 

You grunted, as Leo patted your head sympathetically before he rose from the couch leaning back as his back gave a satisfying pop.

“I’m going to grab something from the kitchen real quick, I’ll be back!” he called walking away.

You had to think of something, and fast. Nothing you could do in the game even seemed to phase him! He was able to doge your shots, and avoid obstacles in the game, so what could you do? 

Then it came to you. No one said it had to be in the game. A smug grin crept across your face. You were going to win, no matter the cost.

That was when the blue turtle entered the room with a bowl of popcorn in his arms as he confidently strutted past you, little did he know that confident streak was about to come to an end. 

“What do you say about one more game Leo? I have a good feeling about this one.” you smiled, waving your controller around. 

“Sure, if you really want to have your butt kicked that badly again.” 

You clicked the star button, the countdown began. 

One

You revved up your engine, glancing at Leo

Two

Leos signature grin spread across his oblivious face

Three!

Without warning, you lean over to Leo, biting his shoulder as he lets out a hurt yelp letting go of his controller as he goes to cradle his ‘wounded’ shoulder.

Meanwhile you remind laser focus on your race as you continue to speed past Leo's still car, until your car finally dashed across the finish line. 

“Yes!” you cheered, throwing your arms up in victory. You turned to the now glaring turtle. 

“Aw Come on Leo, don’t be like that.” you chuckled bringing him in for a hug. Until you felt a sharp sting in your own shoulder.

“Did you just bite me?” 

“Fair is fair.” 

Donnie

Is extremely weirded out

Doesn’t understand why you feel the need to bite him

Is this some weird human thing? 

Genuinely puts in a lot of research to figure out why you bite him, and boy, he’s pretty sure he’s more confused than he was before 

You’ll have to explain that it’s an affectionate thing because other wise hes going to truly start to believe that you want to eat him

Thinks it’s some sort or instinctual thing for you, but he never seems to really make peace with it

I mean, at least he always knows it’s you when someone walks up behind him and bites him

At first he tried to counter you whenever you tried to bite him he’d jump out of the way or simply scoot away 

But that become harder to do every time he saw you

You sat on one of Donnie's spinny chairs your eyes staring at the blank wall as you lazily fiddled with the tool in your hand as Donnie continued to tinker away, hunched over the clutter of parts that laid on his desk. He rose up for a moment sticking his hand out expectingly. 

“Screwdriver.” He commanded without taking his eyes of the mess of parts, without question you handed the item over to him, and once again Donnie became immersed in his work.

You sighed slowly spinning around on the stool, as the sound of scraping metal and rust filled the silent room. 

“Donnie, can we please do something else now? I know I promised I’d help, but this isn’t really what I had in mind.” you spoke turning yourself around to face the purple brother, he seemed to pay you no mind as he worked.

“This is exactly what you promised to help with y/n, and if I recall you said you help me with whatever I asked.” you groaned 

“Yeah, but being your personal tool shelf isn’t exactly what I thought you needed help with.” 

No response. 

Your eyebrows furrowed. You looked to the clock hanging on Donnie's wall, it read, 2:34, it had already been two whole hours of this. And saying you were simply bored would be an understatement, you felt as though your brain was slowly melting away, with every minute that ticked by.

You needed to get out of here and quickly. But the whole point of helping Donnie was so that he would hang out with you if you did him a favor. 

Ugh, this really shouldn’t be a difficult thing to think about. But no matter how much you rattled your brain you couldn’t think of an easy situation

“Wrench.” you grabbed the Wrench before an idea popped into your head. As you began to hand Donnie the wrench you scooted closer until you were right beside him. 

Donnie sighed.

“Y/n, what are you…” he was cut off as you nipped his shoulder. 

Silence.

“Did you bite my shoulder?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Can we please go outside now? I’m going to actually eat you if I have to spend one more minute being a tool shelf.”

That definitely motivated him to get moving.

[sagittarot]

🔥 Mars 🔥

Mars - known for aggression, motivation, conquest, acting on desire, sex, and stamina

One's mars sign can drastically influence the way they carry themselves, are seen, and impact personal relations and diplomacy. Mars is Energy.

❤️‍🔥 Mars aspecting Chiron can lead to wounds being healed through physical activity- such as martial arts. It should also be noted that it may also indicate particularly violent wounds, or wounds involving domineering men.

❤️‍🔥Mars in pisces need to learn to act on instinct. Decisions are made intuitively and felt through. Because pisces is co-ruled by Jupiter- luck tends to be on their side in accidents or conflict. The type to be in a serious car wreck without a scratch.

❤️‍🔥Mars in cancer are very moody individuals. They can be very shy in private, but project confidence in group settings. They claim to be loners, but I usually see them socializing and going with the mood of the crowd they’re in. Super sweet, but more on the guarded side of cancer placements.

❤️‍🔥Virgo mars have ANGER issues. The type to journal their darker feelings graphically. Think of constant bickering and debates as stimulating and engaging. PE teacher vibes.

❤️‍🔥Libra mars are by far the most charming libra placement I’ve encountered. They can really make everyone comfortable and smooth rough edges in their environment. The type to just shrug and go “this too shall pass” at high stress situations. Very loyal and old fashioned lovers. Their energy is directed towards unity.

❤️‍🔥Pisces mars genuinely need to have a hold on their escapist tendencies. I notice we’re either running from something or highly highly spiritual. Mediums fr tho.

❤️‍🔥 Gemini Mars 🤝 Arguing as a way to flirt

❤️‍🔥 Pluto-Mars aspects and their eternal struggle with control and power is real. You know they aren’t in a good place when they keep trying to death-grip everything in their lives.

❤️‍🔥Saturn-Mars and needing to build up tension

❤️‍🔥 Mercury-Mars and the voice *chefs kiss* 🤌🏻

❤️‍🔥 5th house mars 🤝 being addicted to high risk activities.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in 1st house can appear to always be injured/ in accidents. Commonly seen for the first time with casts and braces. Athletic. Also prone to arguing about themselves. “I’m not like that at all!” “my leg is fine! Just leave me alone, I can handle myself!” Etc

❤️‍🔥 Capricorn mars is NOTORIOUS for their waiting. I’m not saying they don’t take action (they DEFINITELY do and BOLDLY) but it’s more structured when they do. When they move, they make it so NOTHING can disrupt their foundation. They’re slow and steady FS. Very respectful of lover’s boundaries in my experience.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in 2nd house constantly argue about their worth, fortune, and their structure. Sign will color how this plays out. My mom has Aries mars in 2nd house- always arguing with people ab money, her values, eating habits, etc. my father also has mars here- but it’s Virgo, and he will debate about giving away his money, debate values, etc. he tends to be less aggressive than my mother in this house.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in 7th literally HAVE to argue with their partners. I don’t know why. They get really upset when their partners don’t argue back. They really like bratty banter.

❤️‍🔥 10th house mars 🤝 arguing with authority figures

❤️‍🔥 Mars-moon hard aspects have a hard time balancing their emotional reactions, and tend to have very impulsive responses to stimuli.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in detriment or fall signs tend to have lower energy levels and aren’t necessarily motivated to act easily.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in water signs and houses can and will be angry if those around them are. Very reflective lol. Also the type to get hype/motivated when in a crowd. Probably loves mosh pits tbh. Hard for them to release that emotion.

❤️‍🔥 Mars-Venus are charming individuals, often making peace during war, but can sometimes take out their angers and frustration on their closer friends and lovers. Could also just find conflict with social relationships.

❤️‍🔥 Mars Opposite Jupiter (cap mars) can be VERY quick. For some reason he wanted to edge himself??? Literally went in and exited immediately.

❤️‍🔥 EVERY Sagittarius Mars i have met was so funny and sooo nerdy. 10/10 my Sag Venus falls SO hard for this mars sign (esp bc its in my 5th house). Most around my age have aspects to pluto, which is very hot omg. In true fire mars fashion,(in an unserious and joking tone) i have been told by this placement, "I don't want to share you," and that they would flip off anyone checking me out.

[toxycodone]

i understand its all joaks and its lighthearted out of love for this character but it is a little sad to see things like laios being a minimum wage worker and having no friends being described as him being a loser when theyre extremely common autistic experiences 💔 because to be honest i think youre really cool and a great writer and i would like to interact more but it makes me go, is that what you would think of me? my life situation’s not too different from that. anyways i hope you have a nice day <3

no not at all I genuinely like being mean to Laios so take everything I say about him with the world's biggest effing grain of salt because I am just. mean to him in particular lol. i like to kick him when he's down. (evil and mean but to blonde men in particular)

but like. i am not cool at all. like...........ill put it under the cut but yeah.

real shit under the cut bc this ask is making me think! im gonna be real w u nonnie

tl:dr if u dont wanna see whats under the cut:

this ask kinda makes me think bc. i think im really mean to laios too bc he reminds me of myself beforehand (zero self confidence and suicidal idealization) sigh and I really hate being reminded of that. so. again. im really biased when it comes to him specifically and that doesn't apply to you or any of my followers.

and for what its worth i am sorry for making you feel that way.

but also. i gotta say I can 100% relate to him and you. this time last year I was working at Starbucks ( i could only tolerate 4 hour shifts bc i would get overstimulated and my coworkers lowkey hated me.) and had like. 1 friend from high school and the years before that I spent turbo online being constantly pushed out of friend groups bc i could NEVER get anything right socially. I swear the first 23 years of my life I never lived. i went thru hs and college as a fucking. like. creature I felt like i couldnt connect w anyone because I was too tormented by adhd + autism and i was INSANELY depressed and coping w lack of control by having an eating disorder and being doped the fuck up on stimulants. (MY PCP gave me 56 mg of concerta and 5mg booster of adderall i was fucking tweaking on the daily </3)

but like. i started going to therapy and a psychiatrist who made me quit cold turkey for my own good and we started treating my depression and debilitating anxiety (i was convinced a stranger was living in my house in secret but also that everyone in public who saw me was revolted by me and genuinely wanted me to kill myself jkdhsfskdjh i told you i was tweaking)

anyways. i was a druggie with no goal in life and living in my own head and now like. i can look at myself in the mirror and not think "hey. this fat ugly piece of shit should genuinely die" and now people in real life LIKE me. I have friends. multiple friend groups, actually. WITH NOT JUST ND PEOPLE. LIKE, A LOT OF THEM ARE NEUROTYPICAL. And i am very open about being autistic with them and i dont have to mask.

and they still like me! and invite me places! and genuinely want to hang out with me! and they think im smart and get uncomfortable when I say im stupid or too autistic to like. be able to be in public.

it still feels like a dream and in my mind im like "they actually are gonna drop you and make fun of you for thinking they were ever your friends" or like "theyre just doing this bc of the stupid buddy system shit or they think you're a pet this is highschool all over again"

but even tho im haunted by this. its....I can say with confidence its not true.

anyways. i know people say this shit all the time but I will say you are very capable of love and not a loser or anything like that. the thing you're missing out on is the right people. i didnt believe this for most of my life and tried to get myself killed because of it but im glad I didn't because it is genuinely true.

i have spent the last <1 year of my life genuinely being alive. and i wouldn't trade it for anything. idk if thats a sign for anyone yeah. take it

[trashytoastboi]

I'm nervous cause this is the first time sending anything to your blog but I was wondering if I could request a poly with Penguin and Shachi? I love them so much 🥺 they're so adorable and funny. Could I get fluff and a little bit of smut with them? If not that's completely okay.

(Also, tell me why I think they're both stoners 😂 I would love to smoke with them)

Heyya!🍞 please don't be nervous, promise I don't bite 😋🍀 and of course! I'm happy to write for these underrated dorks♡ The two of them certainly do give off stoner vibes 🤣🤣Sorry for the long wait on this and hope you enjoy~

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(Gender Neutral)

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Headcanons: NSFW and SFW - Penguin x S/O x Shachi (Poly)

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Warnings: NSFW (Threesome, implied double penetration, lowkey exhibitionism, overstimulation)

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🐧Penguin🐧 & 🍳Shachi🍳 - SFW

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🐧🍳 Penguin and Shachi are pretty relaxed when it comes to their relationship with {Name}, both developed a crush when {Name} had first joined the crew. Originally they both regarded it as a passing interest, maybe because {Name} got along really well with them. It became pretty obvious that it was more than just the way one would think of a friend. Penguin and Shachi had confided in one another due to their feelings. In the process of which both had admitted how they felt towards {Name}. Neither wanted to damage their relationship with eachother nor did they want to let go of {Name} until Shachi suggested that they could both date {Name}, permitting they were alright with the arrangement as well.

🐧🍳 The initial relationship had its notable honeymoon phase and its fair share of unfamiliarity and awkwardness. As all relationships start, there is the need to learn about one another. The preferences, boundaries and just random things about each other as well. Thankfully the three balanced each other out well and managed to settle comfortably into the relationship without any hardship.

🐧🍳Penguin individually truly is a textbook romantic, he valued the ideas of dates and spending time together. Planning outings, giving little gifts and tokens as well as remembering every anniversary. He is also very proud of his shiny and fancy pebbles collection. One of his little tokens to {Name} for their 100 day anniversary was one of his favorite pebbles.

🐧🍳 Shachi is a bit of a polar opposite in comparison because he preferred spontaneous displays of affection and spending time together. Often there wasn't a date plan more of a 'we'll see how it goes and where the night takes us'. Although food accompanied these dates more often than not. It was rare if Shachi planned something not involving food. He also had a habit of making up little songs to sing to {Name}

🐧🍳 Was not all that unusual if Penguin and Shachi had little bouts of conflict in regards to what they wanted to do. {Name} didn't mind all too much so long as they could all spend time together, they were agreeable to most plans unless it really caused Penguin and Shachi to start fighting. The fight consisted of whose choice or idea would be better. It never really spiraled too far out of control though. {Name} took precautions to make sure it wouldn't get to that point. Usually by making a suggestion of their own they could reach a peaceful consensus.

🐧🍳 One of the more friendly natured competitions that arose between the two is one of contending for affection and attention. Sometimes it is very chilled and other times it's very obvious that they enjoy capitalizing {Name's} attention. It's more accurate to say they are like puppies it's not done out of spite or any unpleasant intention. They genuinely just love getting attention from {Name}.

NSFW

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🐧🍳 They can be an equal mix of subtle and bold, Penguin and Shachi will dance around the topic, subtly hinting to wanting {Name}. They will drop very obvious hints here and there, more often than not riling themselves up in the process all the while {Name} plays dumb to all of it. Solely to watch just how far Penguin and Shachi will push themselves, rile themselves into such a worked up state before outright telling {Name} exactly what they want and are going to do to them.

🐧🍳 Penguin and Shachi are very familiar with one another due to years of working in almost perfect tandem in combat. They use that skill in the bedroom as well. Solely focused on pleasuring {Name}, coordinating their actions for the greatest capability. They love the moans that they are capable of eliciting from {Name}, and wanting to watch their partner lose their minds to ecstasy. Personal incentive fuels the two but also the fact that it turns them on so much as well is a bonus. The underlying moral of the story: Penguin and Shachi are quite big with overstimulation. For {Name} and themselves.

🐧🍳 Penguin adores biting, hickies, just anything to leave marks on {Name's} body. He tries to leave marks everywhere he can, Shachi who noticed this habit got a bit jealous. To combat that jealously he will leave marks of his own. Both will absolutely lose their minds if {Name} is the one to initiate and leave marks on Penguin and Shachi. They will wear it like a badge of pride, unabashed about their hickies, bite marks and even scratch marks. If there is any complaint it's usually as to why {Name} didn't leave more.

🐧🍳 The usual way of going about things is threesomes, but that's not to say that Penguin or Shachi won't try to capitalize on {Name} when the opportunity presents itself. Both Shachi and Penguin could agree that having {Name's} sole attention was quite pleasant. It they felt like being pampered and they would try to create situations where they could enjoy {Name} all to themselves.

🐧🍳 Very open to each other's tastes and kinks, including exploring and experimenting with some new things. Once Shachi randomly decided to kiss Penguin while {Name} was beneath them, getting a front row seat to their make out session, and accidentally got a nosebleed. Penguin and Shachi took note of this, the fact that {Name} would get turned on when seeing them kiss and made sure to occasionally put on a little show, exclusively for {Name}~♡

🐧🍳🍋 Penguin, Shachi and {Name} were so occupied and tied up with one another they didn't pay attention to anything happening outside. They were far too focused on sharing and indulging in the pleasure of the situation. {Name} let out little moans and whines feeling the way Penguin and Shachi thrusted at opposing paces. {Name's} back felt the warmth of Penguins chest while he sweetly kissed their neck. Shachi placed a kiss on {Name's} lips, the feeling of being trapped between the two of them while being driven to the edge again is pure bliss. They tried to keep their voice down but struggled to do so when everything was just driving them mad with lust. The languid pace, and calm kisses seemed to contrast the overwhelming feeling {Name} experienced. The occasional chuckles from the two men seemed to prove the intention while watching {Name} come undone again. They all decided this on a whim, truthfully neglecting some of their chores in the process for a little private time. Their clothes didn't remain on for very long the moment they were in the room. The little sounds and touches that drew each other wild, knowing all the little sensitive spots to rile them up. For the most part they tried to keep it tame, tried to keep it quiet as to not disturb their crewmates with knowledge of what was going on behind closed doors. Law didn't really seem to get it, he knew that three of his crewmates were skipping out on chores and would be damned if he found them skipping out again. He saw the closed door, and didn't think twice before opening it. Law was greeted by the interesting scene of {Name} pressed between the two pirates, a mess of entangled limbs. He awkwardly stood there not knowing where to cast his eyes, even if he wasn't looking, the sounds made it obvious as to what was going on. Penguin looked back and nonchalantly greeted him, "Oh captain!" Shachi chirped, {Name} was far too occupied to greet him and they sank their teeth into Shachi's shoulder to keep their voice in. Penguin and Shachi let out strained grunts and gasps feeling {Name} tighten so much around their cocks. Law turned around, shut the door and immediately deleted the sight from his brain. "Shachi didn't you put the sock on the door?" Penguin inquired, his hand trailing up to play with {Name's} chest. "Hm? I did, see its over there" Shachi pointed towards the door, the sock hung on the handle... of course on the wrong side.

[malfunctioningemi]

I watched Disney's wish and was... disappointed. SO I FIXED IT

I think the movie had SO MUCH potential. I went in with hope that it would not be as bad as critics were saying, that audiences were just being harsh because they didn't understand the art style.

Then I watched it. I have never felt more disappointed in a movie with such a high budget. The longer it went on, the more I was just SAD at the lost and wasted potential. ESPECIALLY for the movie released on Disney's 100th anniversary.

What makes me the most disappointed is that you could make ONE CHANGE and it would have genuinely improved the pacing, message and tone of the movie.

Make Asha a princess.

Make Asha King Magnifico's daughter.

Why would this improve things? Well, in the movie as it stands, we are told Asha has been taught about wishes from her father, who we never see outside of a single 5 second flashback, and we have no connection to. He's a needless character, really, as are her family.

Making Asha the kings daughter would recontextualize the entire movie for the better. Raised to love the kingdom, the people, the wishes, she would be raised to know how important wishes are to the workings of Rosas inside the castle and out. The song "At all costs" already sounds like a fathers lullaby, why not give it layered meaning? Make Magnifico be talking about ASHA, how she is amazing and his whole world and something that needs protecting.

Asha, in this new context, could be raised to be the next wish granter like her father, and that when she learns of the responsibility and lies that come with being the one keeping the wishes safe, initially she wouldn't see the issue with it.

Then we have her best friend (and perhaps in this world, handmaid) Dahlia, who could have told Asha her wish in confidence, and when she gives it up, Magnifico tells Asha that its "bad" for Rosas, even though to Asha, its a wish that was more than deserving enough. Then she realizes that her fathers way are wrong, uncertain if she wishes to follow his footsteps, especially when she sees the visible change in her best friends demeaner after giving up her wish.

From there, Asha, who could have always been fascinated with the stars and wishes, could take a step away from the castle to find the peaceful forest, making a wish of her own. Though rather than wishing TO a star, she more makes the wish to HERSELF, and the star answers in a way to help show Asha she DOES have the ability to grant her own wishes.

NOW.

with the context of Asha, the kings daughter, being the one to cause the spike in magic, Magnifico could HAVE SO MUCH MORE DEPTH into his frustration, anger and power hunger. We could explore his backstory, maybe he almost or DID lose someone important to magic and wishes, and is worried that his own daughter could get hurt, and THAT is why he wants to hunt down whoever could challenge his power. How is he meant to protect her "at all costs" like the song, unless he is the most powerful?

Meanwhile Asha is doing what she can to keep the star calm, but seeing the star interact with her people and grant even the simplest wishes would change how she has been taught EVERYTHING growing up under her father. Of course she has never questioned anything before, she trusts her father. maybe she is even SCARED of this strange magic star at first until it gains her trust.

Here, we could learn more about the magic of the world as Magnifico hunts down answers to questions of this strange magic. Seeing him go crazy seeking knowledge and trying to control everything, rather than trying to connect with his people and realise they are good, he trusts them less and less.

I do love the idea of crushing wishes being like grief, and I WISH they had expanded on that more, and the idea that the king with more power can alter wishes I WISH THEY HAD DONE MORE WIS=TH IT AS HE GOES MAD. If they wanted him to be irredeemable, he should have hurt his wife and her wish, but I think its implied her wish was the first he granted.

ANYWAYS as magnifico goes mad, Asha is connecting with the people, learning their wishes and dreams and hoping to help them. the more she and magnifico learn, the less close they become, and more spiteful towards one another's views, especially once Magnifico learns that Asha is the one working with the star, he could think her confused or that she had been manipulated by the star.

When they have their big confrontation, it would have SO MUCH MORE IMPACT

Father and Daughter fighting for what THEY see as right. The older generation (see: old disney, traditional and follows the rules and structures put in) fighting the innocent hope of the new generation (see: new disney and how they try and help talk through deeper topics (eg frozen, encanto, tangled)) and not realizing that they are strongest when together.

I'm still picking apart the ending, but i do believe that we could reframe the rebellion at the end between the people realizing they can help eACH OTHER grant their wishes, even if they cannot do it alone without the help of magic. The star's role in this should have been more like that, a helping hand.

I can imagine the star offers Magnifico a choice. Lose his magic, or become consumed by it.

Magnifico was already mad with power, but I think it would be Asha that convinces him that power is not magic, it's the people, which is shown by how they all hold one another up. She tells him that the only reason she LOVES her home, her people, is because he showed her how to.

Magnifico gives up his powers, and nobody in Rosas is in control of the wishes.

They feel lost, but the star offers Asha a hand, and she realises they they are still able to do what her wish was all about: helping her people.

MAGNIFICO BEGINS HIS REDEMPTION, ASHA BECOMES A PRINCESS BELOVED BY HER PEOPLE, AND WE HAVE A SATISFYING END!!

anyway I just,,, WISH that this movie was given more time to be something better. It was so rushed and the pacing was horrid, there were too many characters (fuck the goat) and too many themes they were trying to follow to the point they forgot the MAIN RULE of animation.

show. don't tell.

In Wish, we only learnt things because they were TOLD to us, which i HATE in visual mediums. Take time to pause. Show and develop relationships in motions, movements, the quiet moments.

:)

[magnolia-sunrise]

if you don't mind elaborating, i'm super curious as to what bastien and matteo's relationship is/was like. what went wrong and how did they come to not fit together (anymore?)? does wolfgang know about that all pre-relationship and how does that affect the two of them once they are together? i hope that makes sense i'm fascinated by how old relationships (platonic/romantic/etc) come to leave marks on and affect characters in the present

OHHH this is wonderful thank you for asking mintt!! i am very quietly really obsessed with their dysfunction but its a difficult thing to draw so i don't get to talk about it often :O

when they first met Bastien was genuinely dazzled with attention and care that Matteo gave him, and how much he provided and cared for him during one of the worst periods of his life when he dropped out of med school etc. they started living together very quickly, and in many ways it was both a lifeline and just genuinely affirming for Bastien who was very early in his transition back then. its the sort of thing that's hard to portray given where their relationship is now, but they did love each other and since then Bastien has always felt like he owes Matteo his life

what changed over the years is, well in most plain terms Bastien changed and Matteo didn't. what felt like comfort before, started to feel more like a cage, because Matteo is a very confident, decisive and controlling person. which was extremely attractive and helpful for Bastien in the absolute mess he was in when they started dating, but as he grew more into his own person he would chafe more and more against the limits of what Matteo found acceptable or attractive. they would live their life how Matteo preferred it, because it has always been that way! and to his fault, Bastien never tried to speak up about it or change anything. he just quietly resigned himself to it, repressing his own wants, and they both let the relationship grow stagnant over years. on top of that was always the feeling of this enormous debt, figuratively and financially, that he owes him. Matteo's money after all helps to finance the clinic where Bastien spends most of his free time getting into a situationship with his android patient

so over time as they get to know each other with Wolf, i think Bastien mentions his relationship less and less and spends more time away from home. so Wolfgang doesn't know the details, but they can tell he's unhappy and they know he will never let himself love anyone else. doesn't stop them from flirting with him, but meeting Matteo or seeing the two of them is a very special kind of pain.

and when Wolfgang and Bastien get together, given the traumatic circumstances, Bastien hasn't even broken up with Matteo yet, since they just had to drop everything and go. i think he carries a lot, a LOT of guilt and self hatred over his indecisiveness and how long it took him to break out from the relationship and let himself be happy - it cost him everything. the way he let himself be in that relationship turned him into a very walled off person, though luckily Wolfgang is a very persistent wrecking ball.

because of all this and how things go down (finding Wolfgang dead. his clinic in flames. etc), he forces himself to be more open and to say yes and to voice his desires and slowly Bastien accepts he could actually be happy, though he will probably never forgive himself. when things are a bit calmer and they have some time to each other, i think some of this history comes out in more detail, exchanging stories about past lovers and love's scars.

with their relationship with Matteo the most interesting part for me is the dynamic of like... even if someone saved your life at one point, it doesn't mean you owe them the rest of it. and it takes Bastien a very long time to accept that

[queen--kenobi]

Fem!Aemond Targaryen NSFT Alphabet

Listen. I'm in a Jaenna (fem!Aemond) mood so! Y'all are getting what I think she'd be like. And yes I am using a gif of Aemond because I genuinely don't think Jaenna would look much different

A= Aftercare (what they’re like after the act)

At first, she's not great imho. Like. Jaenna is slightly better than her male counterpart but not by much? She'll make sure her partner has water and is feeling okay, but that's about it. As time goes on, she does get much better about it

B= Body part (favorite body part their own or their lovers)

C= Cum (anything that has to do with it)

Her hands. She knows her hands drive women wild, especially since she's super dexterous with her fingers from years of knife twirling

I'm gonna say it. Jaenna is a tits girl. Tits and legs

This sorta ties in with dirty secret, but Jaenna wants to see if she can make her partner squirt. Aegon mentioned it in passing once, and initially Jaenna was weirded the fuck out and thought it gross but. Well. Once she's more comfortable with her sexuality, yeah. She wants to see if she can make her partner squirt

D= Dirty secret (Pretty self explanatory)

Jaenna hates the idea of being pregnant but is obsessed with the idea of her partner being pregnant

E= Experience (do they know what they’re doing)

Oh God no! Between her sense of duty and religious guilt pushed onto her by Alicent, she's never tried anything with anyone. That and she's never really deemed anyone worthy of her time and attention

F= Favorite position

Mmmhhhmmm. I think she likes to have her partner in her lap, especially if they're prone to trying to hide their face in the crook of her neck. Also. She doesn't necessarily like to fuck her partner from behind, but she does like to eat them out that way

G= Goofy (how serious are they)

Very serious. Early on she will leave because she feels she's being laughed at if her partner giggles. Eventually, as she becomes more confident, she'll calm down about that. She won't be goofy herself, but she'll lean into any playfulness in a serious way

H= Hair (grooming habits)

Very meticulously groomed BUT she's not anti-bush. She keeps it under control

I= Intimacy (in the moment romantic or rough/dirty)

It depends? I think more romantic than most think but still pretty damn filthy, you know?

J= Jack off (do they masturbate and how often)

Oh. The Faith Guilt is strong with this one. So. Before she gets a partner, she did like... once, and felt insanely guilty after

K= Kink (kinks what they like possibly unusual)

L= Location (where they like to get it on)

Okay so!

Brat tamer

D/s dynamics with her usual as the Dom. She likes "my Prince/King" the best

Bondage. She loves tying her partner up

Ownership. Jaenna is very possessive but, obviously, can't show that as much as she'd like to

As a subset of ownership, collaring. Just sayin'

Mostly in her/her partner's chambers or in the library. Occasionally the garden but that's got to be the middle of the night.

M= Motivation (things that makes them tick/turn ons)

N= No (turnoffs or absolutely won’t do)

Getting into a good debate with her partner, someone showing preference for her over her siblings, someone being protective of her (but not in a "you can't protect yourself" way that's an instant turn off). Poor girl is so starved for affection that any sign you think she's worth something more than politics or having a child? She'll be yours instantly

Water sports and scat are obvious "no"s. Anything that requires her to be the one sexually stimulated unless she's in a very specific mood. No Mommy dom action. Also, talks of her having a kid

O= Oral (receiving or giving and how skillful they are)

GIVING. Listen. I am firmly in the camp that Jaenna not only is a lesbian but also she's a stone butch (meaning she doesn't want to be touched during sex/has very specific ways she wants to be touched if she does). So she does not like receiving. She gets much much much more out of giving

P= Pace (how fast they are and how long they last in bed)

Oh, Jaenna takes her time. She's much more about her partner's pleasure so she goes as long as they need her to

Q= Quickie (do they prefer fast and hard)

No. Jaenna does them, but she much prefers taking her time

R= Risk (do they like to try new things)

Yeah, if her partner brings it up she'll probably be willing to try it?

S= Stamina (how many times they can go and how long each round lasts)

Oh, a while, and multiple times. Obviously not every time is going to be an all night thing, but she has done several long sessions in one night with short naps in between

T= Toys (are they game for using sex toys on themselves or lovers)

Yes. Not on herself but on her partner. She has to be the one using them on her partner, though. Her partner can't use it on themselves because that taps into an insecurity

U= Unfair (how do they tease or do they enjoy suspense themselves)

Oh, once she's confident in herself? She's such a goddamn tease it's not even funny

V= Volume (are they loud, what sounds, and do they talk)

She tends to stay quiet, opting for moans and quieter noises. That being said, if she picks up her partner likes dirty talk? Oh, she's more than happy to indulge

W= Wild card (random sincannon of any sort)

Honestly would probably bust instantly if someone called her "husband"

X= X-ray (what’s down below in dem pants)

I think she's probably got a decent sized clit but it's very shy sdsdsdsdsd Sorry, not sorry

Y= Yearning (sexdrive level)

Before she realized she was a lesbian? No. Nope. But. Once she's accepted her sexuality? Through the goddamn roof.

Z= Zzzz (do they sleep after if so how quickly after)

Depends? I think she doesn’t fall asleep right away, but she does become very relaxed and at ease. If she wants to, it wouldn't take her long

[irishk0rn]

was fucking around and doodling and this came to mind, so I might make it my lil illigar canon

//

Khadgar felt the color leave his face as he listened to the thundering of hooves. Was he sweating? He felt like he was sweating — but his robes could just be warm.

The champion had brought Illidan back to the tower, after he had confided something in them. He cursed to himself for such, knowing he would probably regret that decision and not make that mistake again. Yet another thing to be belittled for.

Illidan looked down at the mage; Makers be damned, he couldn’t read the demon hunter.

Khadgar tenses and closes his eyes. He tries to pretend that it isn’t Illidan he is speaking with, but rather the champion. “I just wanted to voice my concerns,” he said, lightly, “I didn’t mean to hurt him,”

Khadgar disassociates when he’s scared. Illidan knows. It’s one of Khadgar’s anxious habits.

The demon hunter remained silent.

The mage can feel his frown.

“Illidan, I know you’re angry — and that is your right—” His words tumble over each other as they race out of his mouth. “Makers, will you say something?”

Illidan can hear and feel the panic rise in the archmage. His ear twitches at the notion.

“Calm down,” he says finally. “Do you think I’m going to hurt you?”

Khadgar closes his eyes again. “Yes.”

The night elf blinks. That was not the answer he was expecting from his human. Was he… afraid of him?

“You have hurt me before — often. Er— not often, I guess, but I— I can think of many examples— I—”

“Breathe.”

Khadgar gave up on the elegance of his words. “You have hurt me before. A lot. I do love you, truly I do, but Gods be damned if it isn’t hard to. You can be so hurtful — I’m done with it,” he took a breath in before he continued, “I’m done. I don’t— I don’t deserve that. I’m terrified right now — having to stand up to you, this once. Do you understand?”

The realization hitting Illidan is almost surreal; like watching a baby giraffe learn to walk for the first time.

Had he lost control and not remembered? Realized?

“I’ve struck you?” Illidan asks, genuine concern and regret lacing his voice. “I’ve hurt you? Tell me when I have, Khadgar— please. How? What have I used? I—”

He is interrupted by the shake of Khadgar’s head.

“No. No, it’s— you have never struck me. But you hurt me. You make me feel so stupid and inadequate sometimes — I don’t think you realize you do it. I don’t want to believe you are doing it on purpose. Because if you are, we’re done—”

Illidan frowned and shook his head. “No!” his voice raises, and he notices Khadgar flinch. He moves back, disgusted with himself, that his beloved is scared of him. “Khadgar, I…”

Horrified realization crosses Illidan and he looks down at the ground, not having the strength to look at his lover.

Well, now Khadgar knows it’s not intentional. He can work with that.

And slowly, like approaching a stray animal, he moves to Illidan, taking his cheek in his hand. Illidan can’t help but lean into and welcome the touch. His eye lights dim and stop, simulating his eyes shutting.

“Illidan, I know love is difficult for you. It is for me, too. But… if changes aren’t made, I cannot continue like this with you,”

Illidan nodded mutely.

Khadgar offered a smile and rubbed his cheek with his thumb, inciting a low rumble from Illidan as he leaned into the affectionate touch.

“What would you like me to do, Khadgar?”

Now that’s a question. And the mage thinks on it for a moment, before looking at Illidan again. “I’ll help you. I’ll let you know if you’re doing it… and how you respond is up to you. We can start with that, hm?”

The night elf nodded again and leaned forward into the human’s touch.

“I’m sorry.”

Khadgar blinked. “What?”

“I’m sorry.”

Khadgar wasn’t used to hearing that from his partners. Especially not from the most rugged and closed off of them all; he had a few quite sweet lovers, like Kalecgos, who would always apologize, but he didn’t expect Illidan to. Ever. This was a surprise.

“It’s okay,” Khadgar paused, “Well, no… no, it’s not okay. But it will be. And I forgive you. How about that, huh?”

Illidan nodded a third time and nuzzled his head against Khadgar’s.

“Love you,” he muttered.

“Love you, too,” Khadgar whispered back.

[the-al-chemist]

The Hexley Saga - Author’s Notes

And just like that, it’s over. 2 years, 7 novels, 117 chapters and over 500,000 words later, the Hexley Saga has come to its conclusion. I’ve probably written enough, but before I officially call it quits on the series, there are some things I want to say, and some people I want to thank.

It’s hard to know what to write here, because I was not expecting to have to write this. The very name “The Saga” was a facetious nod to how out of control my little practice exercise had become by the time I came around to publishing the first instalment. I had thought that I would write it until I felt confident in my own style and then move on. I did not start out thinking that I would adapt the entire game, and the fact that I have done so (and have been the first to do so) is thanks to several people.

Firstly and foremostly, I need to thank two people outside the fandom bubble. So, I’d like to thank my Year 3 teacher Mr Randall, who taught me joined up handwriting, let me read Harry Potter books in his lessons, and once made me promise to remember him when I published my first ever novel. Thanks and love also go to my friend Naomi, the first person outside of the HPHM community to have read and supported the Hexley Saga, who gave me her frank opinions on the story as someone who had no idea of the plot and characters other than reading my writing, and even went so far as to take it with her to read on her honeymoon.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. I don’t have children (this series has been my baby) but I can vouch that writing a half-a-million word novel adaptation of a mobile game does take more than a little outside help. So, I need to thank Erin @thatravenpuffwitch, JD @that-scouse-wizard, and Flare @flareshogwarts for allowing me to borrow their characters for cameos (and Erin for her Wattpad cover designs); my favourite poet E.M.G. Somerwill for assisting me with writing a full poem in rhyming French; Kate @kc-and-co for helping me see past the statistics to get into the head of Murphy McNully; and Val @whatwouldvalerydo for reassuring me whilst I was writing some of the harder parts of Circle of Khanna.

No one has helped me more in writing this series, however, than my dearest Anni @lifeofkaze. As well as lending me her darling LizzieJameson and assisting in translating Orion Amari’s dialogue, Anni has been my sounding post for ideas, the person I go to when I need to puzzle something out, and the one who has held my hand through and checked over the scenes I was most unsure of and intimidated by. She has also been my biggest cheerleader, my emotional support, trusted confidante (she has known all the plot twists for months!), and - most importantly - my friend. I honestly don’t know what I would do without her, and I am so glad to have her in my life.

Finally, I’d like to thank everyone who has joined me and Artemis on this journey together. So many people have been reading and supporting this story that I can’t list all of them, but if you’re still here reading this now, then this dedication goes to you. I still don’t know exactly what I expected when I first decided to publish Artemis Hexley and the Mystery at Hogwarts back in the first few months of 2021. I obviously hoped that people would read and enjoy it, but I have been blown away by how many people have developed a love for and been genuinely touched by Artemis and her story. Thank you. Really, thank you. I honestly don’t know if I would have gotten to this point if it weren’t for each and every single one of you.

But, reached this point I have, and that point is this: the end of the Hexley Saga. However, as Dumbledore said in the final chapter: “A circle has many endings. In fact, it has a multitude of endings, an infinite number of them, but each of those endings is also a beginning.”

I wanted to gain confidence in order to start writing my own original fiction, and I fully intend on doing so, but Artemis has been my constant companion for the last two years, and she isn’t ready to let go of me just yet. Both she and I have stories to be told, and though I cannot promise when we will be ready to tell them, I can tell you that we will. One day.

So really, this isn’t the end, and nor is it goodbye. It’s just

For Now, With Love,

Al and Artemis

Artworks in the edits above by: @thatravenpuffwitch @slytherindisaster @ag907 @flareshogwarts @usernoneexistent @cursebreakerfarrier @cursedcrusaders @kc-and-co @pathofstars @gaygryffindorgal @deafeningwizardsquare @alstroemerian-witch

[ghostchems]

black light guides you

words: 1,327

potential for more chapters if it gets a good response :)

For two weeks, there had been growing whispers around the clergy that Papa Emeritus III had risen from the dead.

Sister Imperator was convinced it was a hoax. That some ghouls were causing trouble and that was that. Business as usual continued for a few days before she gave into the pressure of having the Third’s mausoleum searched just to show everyone that there was nothing to be afraid of. 

She was proven wrong. The mausoleum was completely trashed with the Third’s glass casket completely shattered and his papal robes shredded to bits on the ground. The clergy was sent into a frenzy.

Some new what was about to happen. Some chose to ignore it. Some chose to stay neutral for the whole ordeal. But there was talk. Talk that the Third had visited the outer edges of the Abbey, enticing ghouls and sisters of sin to hear what he had to say. He whispered to them, telling them what they wanted to hear, telling them that plans were in motion.

Sister Imperator did her best to remain calm and in control but in private moments with Nihil did she express her worry. She tried to explain that the brothers’ deaths were part of His plan. But if there was one thing that Lucifer loved, it was mess. 

Copia stayed in his quarters for most of the two weeks, only leaving to get more books from the library or for some fresh air. He was conflicted about the whole situation. On one hand, he has greatly enjoyed being the face of the clergy. The power and attention he received from others had been intoxicating. On the other hand, he never agreed with Terzo’s fate, or Secondo’s or Primo’s, for that matter. But he had been closest to Terzo and having to do a photoshoot with his severed head was extremely painful for him.

Copia awaited his fate as he tried to enjoy his books. He received no comfort nor any communication from Sister Imperator or Papa Nihil.

It was a Saturday when all Hell broke loose.

Ghouls were at the gate to greet him. He strolled right into the Abbey, the ghouls following him closely behind. He was somewhat surprised that no precautions had been taken which just added to his confidence. The Third was ready to take back what was rightfully his. After all the work he had done, just to be murdered on game night ?  

What made Copia so special that his brothers had to be murdered for him to ascend. It didn’t make sense to the Third and was something he thought about day in and day out as he carried out his suffering in Hell. This was the day he had dreamed about for so long.

Two ghouls pushed the doors to the cathedral for him. Others had rounded up Sister Imperator and Copia, with Nihil’s spirit lurking in the shadows. 

They did look genuinely shocked to see him. He was dressed in all black; black slacks, a black dress shirt with a black overcoat. The one thing he had kept from his papal outfit - his gloves, the gold nails shining against his dark figure. His dark raven hair had small streaks of white throughout. His face was hard, his wrinkles creasing with distaste. And his eyes; his white eye practically glowed while his other was dark enough it could barely be seen behind his messy face paint. The paint dripped down to his neck, bringing attention to what looked like gold thread stitched to reattach his head.

If he didn’t exude power, confidence and composure, he would have looked like a maniac.

“You can’t just waltz in here and-” Sister Imperator threatened, her voice booming through the room.

“I did. And, I have.” The Third answered calmly as he clasped his hands behind his back. 

Copia stood silently as he observed his brother. This was not the Terzo he knew. The air felt thick because of the power radiating from his being. What have you done, Fratello? He couldn’t help but think. The Third’s eyes found his, as if he could hear what he was thinking. 

“Take Sister Imperator to Secondo’s mausoleum so that she can serve her penance .” The Third’s words dripped of controlled anger as his eyes never left Copia’s. She violently protested, her limbs thrashing as the ghouls dragged her out of the cathedral.

“Please, Terzo, you can’t do this to her. After all she’s done for you.” Papa Nihil pleaded, still staying off to the side.

“After all she’s done for me?” The Third snarled, his voice suddenly filling the air between them. “I should be thankful for my untimely death? It’s not like you cared at all that your children were murdered .” 

Nihil looked visibly uncomfortable because it was the truth. He hadn’t cared like he should have. “If I could go back and change things I would.”

The Third had heard enough. Even though he had fantasized about confronting his father, he knew it wouldn’t help anything. His father was dead to him, and so was Sister Imperator. 

“ Vade retro spiritus. ” He waved his hand and Nihil was gone. 

The Third turned to face Copia again. He was the last one standing of leadership.

“Fratello… I did not know what they were going to do to you.” Copia said, shuffling his feet but he held his ground. “I did not agree to it.”

The Third closed the distance between them. He raised his hand and placed it softly on Copia’s shoulder. “I know.” 

It was as if relief had washed over them at the same time. Terzo’s face softened as he removed his hand. He knew that Copia was smart, possibly too smart for his own good, but he knew that he had good intentions. That being said, he needed to keep him close.

“No more Emeritus’ need to die.” He said as he turned his back to Copia. “I need you to ensure that there will be a peaceful transfer of power when I am ready to return to glory.” 

“Of course, absolutely.”

“Take the ghouls.” Terzo nodded his head and the ghouls nodded back. The group of them started to look as he turned. “Copia – you did an excellent job.”

Copia was practically stunned. A compliment, one that he had yearned for, from his resurrected brother. This was not how he thought this was going to go. “Grazie a mille.”

***

Terzo kept one ghoul with him as he walked to his quarters. It was as if no one had been in there since he had been gone. It still smelled the same. He dismissed the ghoul and sat on his bed for a while, taking it in. 

His plan had worked and he was here. 

He slowly got undressed and drew himself a bath. The water was scalding hot as he lowered himself into it. Terzo allowed his mind to wander, finding its way back to her . This hadn’t been possible without her. He thought about what he could do to fulfill their deal.

***

This was not what Marion had signed up for. She took a step back from the casket and looked down at the body, examining the stitching she had done. On a head. She had stitched a head back in place. After watching several hours of YouTube videos explaining how to stitch and practicing on several fabrics.

She hoped it was secure. The head that is. 

Marion took a step back from the body. He looked almost exactly like he did in her dreams. She pulled out her phone and opened the notes app, staring at the words. She hesitated for a moment. They had made a deal but what if she didn’t go through with it? 

“ Fuck it. ”

She took one more step back before reciting the spell.

“ Mortuos cujus tempora transierunt da ei unum ultimum depraehendo hoc obiectum i largiri cum animo tuo. Novit iter tuum et auxilio. Dei ad hoc volo ut fiat mihi .”

A deep gasp ripped from Terzo’s lungs as he lurched upright in his casket.

ao3 link

[kittymeow180]

Seeing how hateful you are with your age honestly makes me so sad. I know you're gonna read this ask and laugh, and that's fine. But I sincerely wish better for you and wish for you to realize how unhealthy and toxic this is for both you and the people you attack. I don't know what you're going through or anything else, but I genuinely hope life treats you better. And I hope you learn that, no matter your views, it's really never okay to be so full of hate. Have a good day or night (dunno what time it is where you are).

thanks i can tell intentions are good with this but i came to this conclusion with my own experiences being a girl and by research, what i think isnt based entirely on hate but from the fact gender was made to oppress and control female people like me and i realized that this gender ideology benefited no one. getting into radical feminism helped me with my confidence and how i view my body and being a girl.

gender is a man made construct as u people like to say so theres no reason we should be suffering so much because of it.

im not attacking anyone, im a teen girl in my room for christs sake the most ill do is reblog with something that might slightly hurt someones feelings. the only thing i have done to 'attack' others is have my own opinions. i have trans friends so its not like i was immediately comfortable being open about being a radfem, i followed the herd and never interacted with any radical feminism. i said 'fuck terfs' because thats what everyone else was saying. ive been on that side of wishing i could be a boy and sometimes feeling like the only way out was to someday just transition because life as a female lesbian just felt like suffering and being the 'other' in the lgbt community. i feel better now because i realized i cannot fix whats not broken, i am not doomed to forever being unhappy with myself.

so thanks for the care but idk. ur hearts in the right place but u have the wrong idea about me ;__;

[ariaste]

All of this, AND: Having lived the majority of my life experiencing the Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria “if i am rejected, I will dig a hole in the ground and never come out ever again” thing..... Look, if this is you, please take some real time to consider whether you feel secure about setting your own boundaries. Like GENUINELY secure. Because I didn’t. I was deep in RSD and trauma, and I’d been raised to put other people’s needs and feelings before my own, and since being rejected hurt SO MUCH, I didn’t want to make anyone else feel that way either. So I didn’t set any boundaries at all.

I worked very hard to erase my boundaries for people, or move them, or ignore them, because I didn’t want to set a boundary and ruin the friendship/relationship. Which meant that I allowed a LOT of people to hurt me, often without even knowing that they were hurting me until I reached my limit and couldn’t repress any more and eventually just snapped at them. ....whiiiiiich ruined the friendships. So this experience taught me over and over again that communicating my boundaries = losing someone I cared about. Boundaries became this huge HUGE thing, like the entire Great Wall of China, and it took up so so so much of my emotional energy to figure out how and when to navigate a minor nudge of one of my boundaries (like, idk, a friend wanting me to listen to her vent about her love life when I have errands to run) because I felt like whatever I did to advocate for myself and take care of my own needs was gambling with the connection I had with this person I liked. 

I also felt like setting boundaries was the same thing as attempting to control another person’s actions, so I struggled with it on an ethical level: “How is this different from manipulation? How am I supposed to be as kind and fair as I want to be, when I’m forcing someone to act in a certain way?”

All in all, I was living in a constant state of borderline emotional burnout JUST from the struggle I with this one specific thing.

And then literally like five months ago, I had this epiphany that a really good expression of a Healthy Boundary isn’t a *prescriptive* statement (such as ordering someone to do something, bossing them around, steamrolling them) -- but a DESCRIPTIVE one: It is a description of who you are and what your needs are. The actions the other person takes in response are entirely their own business and have very little to do with me. Since then, it has gotten a LOT easier to express my boundaries (though this is a very new growth arc for me and I’m still practicing!) and all of these good things started happening in my life -- new work opportunities, new friends who are learning to be good at boundaries themselves and DELIGHTED to be practicing with me, new changes to my physical environment to optimize my home for what my needs are -- and I have a truly shocking amount of extra energy. I won’t say that I’ve magically become “a much happier person”, but I am a person with energy I didn’t have before which I can now put towards pursuing the things that generate happiness, and I feel a lot more confident and assertive than I did even six months ago. Literally that’s how fast the change has happened.

You don’t have to live in the hole in the ground. You don’t have to live in constant pain and fear and burnout. You don’t have to put other people’s needs before your own. You don’t have to feel the weight of all that shame and guilt crushing you alive. The weirdest and most surreal thing that I have discovered this year is that when I started setting boundaries the right way, the rejection DECREASED and the amount of acceptance and love I had in my life INCREASED DRAMATICALLY. 

But no one really teaches you HOW to set a boundary properly, do they? They  just say “Set healthy boundaries!” like you’re supposed to just understand the concept -- tbh, if you’re as deep in RSD shame as I was, you might genuinely not know the procedure for how to do it.

For that, I recommend an amazing book called (shockingly) The Book Of Boundaries by Melissa Urban, which not only has amazing discussion of boundaries but also provides ACTUAL SCRIPTS for loads and loads and LOADS of different real-life scenarios:

you have NO IDEA how wide my eyes got when I realized that the Green boundary counted as Setting A Boundary. Or when I realized that I’ve had a habit of ignoring/repressing my boundaries during the stage when the Green response would be useful, and then after a while of putting up with it skipping directly to the Yellow response with quite a lot of built-up resentment. MY WHOLE BRAIN EXPLODED, THIS WAS A REVELATION. 

Anyway highly recommend this book, great book, so useful. Learning this shit can be really hard, but at least for me it was not anywhere close to as hard as I expected it to be. I just needed to figure out the trick -- and it is a deeply cool trick once you’ve got the hang of it. <3

Btw when someone says "don't talk to me like that, I don't know you" the normal thing to do is apologize for the perceived overfamiliarity and correct the behavior. Just in case anyone was wondering

[alltheotherblogs]

Months predated by years followed by weeks.

I've been under a lot of stress and pain for years from things that should honestly already be out of my life, but due to the government and law being corrupt, there is really nothing I can do to get rid of some of these things. Other things are caused by myself, by others, and by money. But, no matter how I look at it I still feel like I can't eat as much every day, and that drinking water is hard besides just the awful taste from the tap. The stress from years of my life that has never been remedied is just something I have to constantly live with, and it only gets worse day by day because of some of the most rotten evils in this world. My life is a spectacle to the Devil to see how long he can deliberately torment somebody before they finally get cut a break. Not that I'm Christian or anything, just thought it was a good analogy. Some times it really does feel like I'm in a perfect hell. I'm never able to do any of the things I actually want, and they aren't all that complicated either, it's just that the totality of circumstances makes the impossible. I'm missing the prime of my life all because of a corrupt world. I'd say "I wonder if this is how young men felt going off to fight in World War 2." But if I'm being honest, I'd enjoy war. I'm not kidding either. As cringey as it sounds, I'd rather be a mercenary at war than be here right now. Think about it this way; if nobody wanted to do it, why would anybody be a mercenary? It's definitely not for the pay. I'm just one of those people. Every time I've gotten the opportunity to enter into a fight with another person, those have been the best moments of my life. I want to travel long distances, fight great opponents in multiple fields of martial arts, and live out the life that I know I deserve.

This is a movie that, as a child, made me relate to the main character. So few movies so perfectly depict the kind of person I want to be as The Princess Bride. A man of style, class, intellect, and martial prowess. And the way he goes about showing others that he loves them is just so genuine. It's not like I grew up any particular way, being raised by any particular person or people, in fact I was basically raised by myself and that fit just right for me. But, I found it in myself to still become a pinnacle of what a person should be. Not some politic obsessed freak, not just another annoying face in the crowd, but someone with a high IQ and real potential and talent in the things I actually care about. And most of all, I still care about humans. It seems like we live in an age where everyone else has lost faith, and I understand that. But, losing faith is a cop-out. You just lost faith because you got tired of being disappointed every time you heard something you thought was bad. What are the actual chances of that thing you were disappointed in being actually bad though? Depending on the type of person you are, it probably wasn't as bad as you think. Sure if it was something ACTUALLY horrible, disappointment is fair. But if someone just has a different political belief than you that you disagree with, you have no right to be disappointed even if it is some obnoxious modern liberal. Even if you aren't Christian, a teaching from the bible is very important to being a better person and learning proper morality; "Love thy fellow man."

I think it's honestly been long enough, and something has to change soon. I can only gather all my determination to keep going so many times in my life. To say that I've been blatantly fucked over by things entirely out of my control is an understatement. I just want to go out and do combat sports on a competitive level, go to a job where I clean stuff, invent cybernetics, become immortal, and live a happy life. Four out of five of those things aren't that much to ask for, and I'm fairly confident if I complete the cybernetics step I can complete the immortal step. Either way, this is just a blatantly unfair and clownish world we live in where millions of people in the west are obsessing about fake non-issues that they are misinformed about instead of actually doing something to benefit society. Cry all you want, it doesn't make anything better. Pretend all you want that there is some kind of oppression against your specific people. It doesn't make anything better by pretending there are issues which don't actually exist, and it's blatantly narcissistic.

I'm thinking about actually pursuing combat sports even despite my impossible circumstances and lack of financed to get things like protein. I think I can make up for it all with my tremendous strength of will, (and incredibly thick skull.) The fact someone like me is still alive is a testament to just how much you should be afraid of me. Maybe I'll try to get a pro boxing license and start there, I'm not too big on all the wrestling holds, it's just too easy to get someone into an arm-bar and have them tap cause they don't know the tech to get out of it. To be fair that's more civilized than KOing a guy, but I'd still rather trade skillful blows than memorized techniques. You can fight for points all you want, fight to wrestle, fight for a knockout, I fight for fun, and I still haven't met a single person who can stand up to me in that regard.