#I can say that confidently because I genuinely felt so out of control for most of my life

[laineystein]

Hi! If you would like to share, I would love to hear your journey of becoming a doctor. I'm currently trying to get into studying medicine, and a few days ago I received the results of the psychometric test (my second time) and my grade isn't high enough (by just a few points!), which means I can't try to get into university again until next academic year (and even if my grade in the psychometric is good it's not guaranteed I will get in). I'm thinking about maybe trying for Italy this year, but it will be pretty last minute, and I might just burn a lot of effort for nothing. It's already 2 years since I finished the army and I feel the clock is ticking. I feel like this year was completely wasted. Besides studying for psychometric I was pretty much depressed and doing nothing with my life, and even at studying I wasn't doing my best. I hear how you say things will get better, but I feel completely hopeless. I can't see the light in the end of the tunnel. I just feel like life is a constant battle.

There’s a lot to unpack here. First, I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s a horrible feeling and I wish I could make it go away for you because I have been there and I know so many others have too. Life is hard and sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it feels like it always sucks and always will. But I promise you it doesn’t! Or it doesn’t have to.

So growing up I actually wanted to be a dancer and when my parents told an eight year old me that wasn’t a viable career, I pivoted and decided that being a doctor was a decent second option because that was also something I was pretty passionate about. I’m a stubborn bitch so once I decided that’s what I wanted to do, that’s what I did. I was a Biology major in undergrad and did a typical four year degree in a little over two years. I graduated high school a year early so I actually went right from high school into university, then I did my 2+ years in the army, then I went to med school. I decided to go back to the US for med school for very stupid reasons and even though I got into great schools and ended up attending a great school, I was absolutely miserable in med school. I had no friends. It was a terrible time in my life. But!!! It did motivate me to study hard so I could do well and get the hell out of there. Not having friends means I had no social life so I just spent every waking moment being the best damn med student I could be. But yeah I was incredibly depressed and feeling very aimless because even though I was doing well, I was defeated. I kind of realized that I had rushed so many parts of my life and everyone said I was successful but I didn’t feel that way. I actually felt very empty. Success is relative. So just because someone is checking all of life’s boxes doesn’t mean they’re actually doing well. I was a whole ass doctor right before my 30th birthday and I was still miserable. Getting the things you always thought you wanted and things that the world tells you you should want doesn’t mean that life is suddenly perfect. Because bottom line, there is no timeline in life. There are no rules. This has been my journey but it’s not everyone’s journey. It’s clearly not your journey and that’s okay! That just means the universe has other plans for you - don’t be afraid of it! It’s so exciting to see what your future holds! Keep doing your best and things will figure themselves out. There are also so many things you can do in the medical field that isn’t being a doctor (many which are far more rewarding) - maybe the world is trying to show you a different path. But at the end of the day you want to be a doctor, you will find a way to be a doctor. Your age doesn’t matter. I’m in my thirties and I’m about to be a first time mom IYH, meanwhile my best friend is the same age and has 4 kids, the oldest of which is 9! She didn’t have kids early and I’m not having kids late. We’re all doing things when we’re meant to. I promise you that you are blessed even if it doesn’t feel that way! You are surrounded by good things that will lead you to the things you want and deserve, you just need to be patient. Hashem has a plan! You are not in charge here! Trust the process!

And I know that if I was in your shoes I wouldn’t want to hear any of this and I would want concrete answers but as someone who somehow survived it all, I promise you that you just need to keep working hard and remain open to whatever the world has planned for you. Good things are coming! Maybe those good things just aren’t the good things you’ve been waiting for. Or maybe they are and you just need to hold on a little while longer. Let life happen and take care of yourself. You deserve happiness and I hope it finds you soon 💛

[cumironi]

SAY HIII! TO THE CAMERA s. geto

☆ sum. stay quiet and keep him warm and hard, while he is playing video games, that’s the order. but it seems like too much hardness making you lose control of your body.

warning. non-sorcerer au, roommate geto, spank, cōck-drunk reader, petnames, dirty talk, overstim, praises, fem! reader, sugu gets annoyed when you can’t stay still, he’s annoyed because you make him lose, lol, tats-spank, háir-pulling, choking, bit exhibitionism.

there’s something deeply comforting about having geto suguru as your roommate, a kind of unspoken reassurance that no matter how life twists and turns, you have someone in your corner. he’s not just kind; he’s the kind of person who’s genuinely considerate, remembering the little things that most people overlook. his gentle humor fills even the quietest moments with warmth, and his manners, always so natural, make you feel valued and understood. he’s the type of person who holds open doors, who waits for you when you linger on your way home, and who genuinely listens when you speak, as if your words are the only ones that matter.

living together, you’ve come to depend on him in a way that feels both new and familiar. in the late hours of the night, when silence settles over the apartment, there are moments of connection that you’ve never found with anyone else. he's seen you in every state — the vulnerable, raw moments when you’re barely holding it together, the giddy highs when you’re spilling over with excitement, and even the quiet days when all you need is to be near someone without saying a word. every joy and every sorrow, he’s there, a constant presence, filling the empty spaces of your life.

over time, though, there’s another unspoken need that starts to creep in. it’s there in the lingering glances, the way your touches linger just a moment too long, the awareness that builds between you both, each brushing touch leaving a faint trace of longing. you’ve found yourself drawn to him, in a way that goes beyond friendship, a desire simmering under the surface that you don’t dare voice. it’s been a while since you’ve had anyone to share that kind of closeness with, and every time he’s near, you can feel that need building, that craving that he seems to sense. and that ‘desire’ you crave so much, geto is there with an open arms and. . . open legs.

it was one of those days a mix of emotions swirling, a growing desire that had been building in the space between you two, bubbling to the surface. without overthinking it, you found yourself outside geto’s room, feeling a thrill as you opened the door without knocking. you were wearing only your skirt and a simple bra, skin tingling under the weight of anticipation.

geto was at his computer, focused on whatever he had been doing, but as soon as he heard the door creak open, he turned, spinning his chair around slowly. his gaze swept over you, eyes darkening with a spark of something unmistakable as he took you in. he let out a low whistle, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth as he leaned back, clearly enjoying the view. “well,” he drawled, his voice a touch rougher, “looks like someone’s feeling bold today.”

his own appearance was casual but undeniably alluring. he wore only a pair of loose grey sweatpants, his toned chest bare, catching the soft light from the room. his long, dark hair fell loosely around his shoulders, framing his sharp features and giving him an almost untamed look that made your heart race faster. he watched you with a steady, appreciative gaze, that familiar, playful glint in his eyes turning to something deeper as his eyes traced over your form.

“you here for something, or just planning to drive me crazy?” he teased, his voice low, dripping with that lazy confidence he always wore so effortlessly. you felt your cheeks warm as you stepped into his room, but you didn’t waver, letting your gaze flicker over his chest, taking in the way his muscles shifted.

“i think you know exactly why i’m here,” you replied, keeping your voice light but letting the meaning behind your words settle between you. his smirk widened, and he straightened, reaching a hand out to you, his touch gentle but insistent as he pulled you closer.

his hand brushing your waist, guiding you to stand between his legs. his other hand came up to rest on your hip, fingers tracing small, lazy circles along your bare skin as he looked up at you.

god, the way he looked at you, with that sultry gaze sweeping over every inch of your body, made it nearly impossible to keep your composure. his fingers traced lazy patterns on your bare skin, each touch almost enough to send a shiver down your spine. the air between you two felt thick, electric, as if it held every unspoken thought, every lingering glance and desire that had built up over time. you could hear the faint hitch in his breath as you stepped closer, closing what little distance remained between you.

“is that right?” he murmured, voice low and rough, his tone thick with barely concealed amusement. “and what did i do to earn this little visit? not that i i’m complaining.” his fingers toyed with the edge of your skirt, tracing a slow line up your thigh that sent waves of warmth through you, each touch building a sweet tension that had you leaning in, craving more.

you couldn’t help but hum in response, letting your fingers glide over his bare shoulder blade, feeling the warmth of his skin, the solid strength beneath your touch. your other hand found its way to his hair, threading through the long, dark locks that framed his face so perfectly handsome, your fingers lingering as you gently pulled him closer.

“it’s not what you did,” you replied, your voice a low, teasing murmur, your lips close enough to brush against his ear. “it’s what you can do.” the words hung between you, dripping with anticipation, each syllable filled with a promise you knew he could hear.

geto chuckled, a warm, low sound that sent a shiver down your spine. he leaned into your touch, his hand sliding up under your skirt, fingers splaying against your skin, and you could feel the heat of his palm, the barely suppressed tension in the way he touched you.

“oh?” he drawled, tilting his head so his face was dangerously close to your bellybutton. his lips grazed the shell of your skin, his breath hot against your skin. “and what exactly is it that you need me to do, pretty girl?”

before you could answer, his hands found your waist, gently but insistently pulling you down to sit on his lap. his arm wrapped securely around your bare waist, the other hand still warm and steady on your thigh. you felt yourself sink into him, the heat of his skin against yours, the way he held you close with that effortless confidence.

you leaned in, lips close to his ear as you whispered, voice teasing but edged with a hint of urgency. “you know exactly what i want, suguru,” you murmured, your fingers tracing along his collarbone, feeling his breath hitch as you spoke. “stop pretending to be stupid.”

a lazy smirk tugged at his lips, his gaze darkening with satisfaction as he tightened his hold on you, his hand slipping higher on your thigh, tracing lazy circles that sent a spark of anticipation through you. “oh, sweetheart,” he whispered, voice rough with restrained desire, “i’d never be that stupid.”

geto shifted his hips, the heat of your bodies pressed together, his hand sliding slowly to the curve of your hip. there was a raw, unabashed hunger in his eyes, his gaze traveling over every inch of your exposed skin, taking in every subtle shudder, every quickening breath.

he pulled you even closer, desperate, and you could feel the tension building between the bitten of you as his other hand slid further up your skirt, his knuckles brushing over your inner thigh, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. his hand squeezed your thigh, fingers digging into your skin, an unspoken promise that sent a shiver of anticipation through you.

“if you want something,” he murmured, his voice a low, rough whisper, “all you have to do is ask.” then he leaned in, his lips trailing a warm path from your collarbone up to your shoulder, and you could feel the low rumble of his voice against your sensitive skin. he nipped at your ear, his voice a dark, lustful murmur. “beg me for it, sweetheart.”

his lips traveled back down to your neck, teeth scraping against your skin, and a small gasp escaped your lips as he hit a particularly sensitive spot. his lips curled into a satisfied smile against your flesh, and his hand slid even higher up your thigh, the heat of his touch searing through you.

“beg me,” he repeated, his voice low and gravelly. “beg me to give it to you… and i’ll give you everything you need.”

and he lies.

you sit on his lap as he games, his cock buried deep inside you, you trying to stifle moans as occasionally he thrusts up into you, barely— either too distracted by his stupid games or he just being his usual self, a fucking jerk and a tease. “such a gooood girl, baby,” he growls lowly into your ear, muting his microphone. after all, he didn’t want his teammates hearing what a good little toy you were being, taking his cock like you were.

how had things turned out like this, you wonder? you were the one that was supposed to be teasing him, not the other way around. now you were the one, stifling whimpers and moans, and almost begging him to fuck you.

“s-suguru, p-please..” you whimper.

he ignores you completely as he goes back to his game, turning his microphone back on, saying, “son of a bitch, you fuckers can’t do anything right, can you?” you wiggle your hips on top of him, trying to get him to pay attention to you more, and his hand comes to rest briefly on your thigh, squeezing it tightly. a warning to knock it off. but you continue doing it. you had to take things back under your control, and what better way than by wiggling your hips, feeling him brush up against your sensitive spot, and letting out a quiet whimper.

he mutes his microphone again, letting out a warning growl, and lowly says, “y/n.. stop moving and be a good girl for me, hm?” his voice is dangerous, a sign to dare you to move even just a beat. but youuu, you tilt your head back, peering back into his face, and smile innocently. “i-i don’t know what you’re talking about, suguruuu. . .”

your back was facing him as you sat on his lap, elbows resting hard on his computer desk. only you cute pink skirt wrap loosely around your waist with no underwear. your bare nipples pressed against the hard surface. geto’s fingers dig into your thigh, holding you still as he continues playing his game, ignoring your attempts at seduction. his breathing grows heavier, the scent of his arousal filling the air between you. he’s clearly struggling to focus on the match with you writhing atop him like this.

“y/n... i swear if you keep this up, i’m going to bend you over my desk and fuck you senseless,” he warns through gritted teeth, voice menacing. despite the threat, there’s an unmistakable note of desire lacing his words.

“now be a good girl and sit still,” he warned, his hand reaches up to grab your hip, pulling you down harder onto his throbbing erection and continue to cockwarming him while he’s playing games with his friends— stupid gojo satoru. a choked gasp escapes your lips as he grinds up into you, stretching you deliciously around his girth.

his grip tightens on your hip, guiding your movements to grind yourself against him even more. he doesn’t care who hears anymore, his mind consumed with thoughts of claiming you right here and now. his game character takes a hit from an enemy player the moment you do a harsh slammed on his cock, causing him to curse loudly into his mic.

“fuck! ’m distracted,” he admits before cutting himself off mid-sentence, realizing just how loud he’d been. he quickly mutes his mic once more, though he makes no move to stop grinding you against him. “that’s what you wanted, isn’t it, y/n? for me to lose focus so i could finally give you what you've been craving.”

his hand slides up your spine from your hip, gripping your neck firmly enough to let you know he means business. “i’m not going to repeat myself y/n, stop fucking moving.” his other hand comes up to slap lightly against your ass after retreating from the keyboard, leaving a warm imprint on your skin before he pushes your chest further to his desk and continues to play his game. gasp!

geto’s dominant grip on your hips and neck sends shivers down your spine, your body responding instinctively to his commanding touch. the sharp slap on your ass makes you gasp and gasp, the sting mixing with the pleasure of having your bare bottom exposed to him.

despite his warnings, you can’t help but subtly rock your hips, seeking friction against his thick length still buried deep within you. your upper teeth sinking lowered on your lower lips, a subtle way to hide the desperate moaning. your breath hitches as he pushes you harder against the desk, the cool wood a stark contrast to the heat radiating from his body beneath you.

as geto focuses back on his game, you find yourself leaning forward more— your nipples touching the cold surface making you shiver, bracing your hands on the edge of the desk under you. this position allows you to sink deeper onto his cock, your inner walls clenching reflexively around him.

with each subtle roll of your hips, geto lets out a low groan, his focus waverting from his game momentarily. he pulls you closer, forcing his cock deeper inside you until you feel every inch of him pressing against your most sensitive spots.

“fucking hell, y/n...” he curses under his breath, trying to maintain some semblance of control. but it’s clear that he’s losing the battle against both his own desires and yours, even against his own stupid games. he smacks your ass again, this time harder, leaving a bright red mark on your flesh.

“be still!” he demands, his voice laced with both frustration and lust. his fingers dig into your neck, applying pressure just shy of pain. the smack on your ass sends another jolt of pleasure through you, your body arching back against him instinctively. the mix of pain and pleasure leaves you panting, your pussy clamping down on his cock as if begging for more.

despite his command, you can’t seem to obey. instead, you press your breasts further into the desk, enjoying the sensation of your hardened nipples rubbing against the cool surface. each movement sends ripples of pleasure coursing through your body, intensifying the ache building between your legs.

“suguru... please,” you whisper, your voice barely above a whimper. the desperation in your tone is undeniably begging. geto’s grip on your neck tightens, his thumb brushing over your pulse point rhythmically as he fights against the urge to simply throw caution to the wind and claim you right then and there. instead, he focuses back on his game, cursing loudly when his character takes another hit.

“shit... y/n, shut up before i really lose my shit,” he growls, punctuating each word with a deep thrust of his hips. his cock surges deeper inside you, hitting that sweet spot that makes stars burst behind your closed eyelids. his other hand losing the touch of his keyboard for a beat to sending a slaps down on your ass again, this time in slow deliberate strokes meant to draw out your pleasure. he’s punishing you for making him lose focus, but also rewarding you for being such a tease.

geto’s punishing thrusts send waves of ecstasy crashing over you, your nails digging into the desktop as you struggle to hold back cries of pleasure. the slow, deliberate slaps on your ass echo through the room, each impact sending tingles racing up your spine.

“ahh!” you manage to gasp out between ragged breaths, your pleas growing more desperate as the coil of tension inside you winds tighter and tighter. the combination of his thick cock stretching you open and the relentless stimulation to your sensitive ass has you teetering on the brink of climax. you can feel the telltale fluttering in your core, signaling your impending release.

geto’s jaw clenches as he battles to keep his composure, refusing to let go and indulge in the sweet release that beckons him. his fingers waltz down from your neck to the curve of your hip, tightening on the soft flesh, his grip bordering on bruising as he holds you in place, denying you the friction you crave.

“not yet, y/n... you don’t get to come until i say so,” he rasps, his voice strained with the effort of restraint. his hips buck upward sharply, burying himself to the hilt inside you for the countless times and grinding against your clit with a forceful thrust.

he repeats this motion several times, using your body for his own pleasure, before pulling almost all the way out and slamming back in with brutal intensity. the sound of skin slapping against skin fills the room, punctuated by your muffled moans and his guttural groans.

the rough treatment only fuels your desire, pushing you closer to the edge with each powerful thrust. your pussy clamps down on his cock, milking him for more as you ride the wave of pleasure he’s forcing upon you. the way you roll your hips like you are either desperately looking for the climax you’ve been craving for the past hours, trying to get revenge for keeping you waiting, or just simply trying to suck his soul— geto are fine either way.

“pleaseee. . . sugu’—’m gonna cum,” you stutter out, the words trailing off into a series of whimpers. your inner walls clench and flutter around his cock, pulsing with the intensity wanting of your release, “please, ’m sorry,” you cry. your body convulses, each tremor rippling through you as you cling desperately to the desk.

geto grunts, feeling your walls clamp around him, urging him towards his own climax. but he refuses to give in just yet, determined to make you pay for distracting him with your teasing. “not good enough... beg properly,” he commands, his voice a low growl. he slams into you again, driving his cock even deeper than before, stretching your inner walls to their limit— kissing your cervix each time. his hand moves from your hip to your dripping cunt, his fingers delving into your wetness, stroking at your swollen clit.

he keeps up this merciless pace, alternating between hard thrusts and swift withdrawals, driving you to the brink of madness. your pleas become more frantic, your body trembling under the onslaught of sensations. “please— let me cum, i need to...” you gasp out, your voice hitching on each word as you fight to maintain coherence.

each stroke of his fingers against your clit sends shockwaves of pleasure coursing through you, amplifying the ache in your core. the combination of his thick cock pounding into you and his skilled fingers working your clit has you teetering on the precipice of obliviation.

“i’m sorry, i’m sooo sorry— pleasee...” you sob, your plea turning into a keening wail as you about to reach your pea only for geto to lift you up off his cock before slamming back into your pussy— playing with your climax and just generically being an asshole.

geto leans over you, his hot breath fanning across your ear as he whispers darkly, “not yet... not till you learn your lesson.” with each thrust, he aims to prove his dominance, showing no mercy as he punishes you for your disobedience. his fingers never relent from their torment of your clit, adding fuel to the fire that’s consuming you from within.

he reaches around to grab your breast, squeezing it roughly before pinching your nipple between his thumb and forefinger. the sharp pinch sends an unexpected surge of pleasure coursing through you, making your back arch off the desk and the game long forgotten.

“beg better...” he taunts, knowing full well that he’s playing with fire. without saying a word to his friends, geto left his game to open his computer camera. he grab a fistful of your hair to pull your face away from the desk. a soft light illuminating your face. geto smile to his camera as he saw your fucked-face, ruined by your tears and your mascara.

he pulls you closer until your back touches his sweaty chest before snake his arm under your thighs and opens your legs wider to his camera. “say hi, to the camera y/n,” he whisper in your ear as he rest his chin on shoulder. your breath comes in short gasps, each thrust of his cock sending sparks of pleasure shooting through you. the split pinch on your nipple only adds to the overwhelming sensations coursing through your body.

you whimper, your voice choked with unshed tears. the sight of his hand gripping your hair tightly sends a shiver down your spine, reminding you who’s in control. with the way he pressing your back against his chest, knees straight glue to your chest, you can’t help but squirm on top of him. his heavy breathing in your ear, the warmth of his body against yours—it’s all too much.

“hi. . .” you manage to choke out, your voice barely audible. the words are directed towards the camera, but they’re laced with desperation and pleading.

geto chuckles, dark and mocking, at your feeble attempt to address the camera, his amusement evident in the way he tightens his grip on your hair. he increases the tempo of his thrusts, his cock pistoning in and out of your drenched cunt with ruthless efficiency— visible to the camera of his computer.

“that’s iiiit... look pretty while you’re getting fucked,” he murmurs, his voice a husky whisper that sends chills down your spine. he watches you through the screen, purple eyes glinting with a predatory gleam as he observes your reactions. his free hand trails down your body, exploring every curve and crevice with possessive intent. he cups your breast, giving it a firm squeeze before smacking it hard enough to leave a red print on your skin.

“still think you can distract me?” he asks, his tone laced with challenge.

your body quivers under the onslaught of sensations, each thrust of his cock sending jolts of pleasure coursing through you. your heart pounds in your chest, each beat echoing the rhythm of his thrusts. “n-no—can’t, i won’t,” you stammer out, your voice choked with emotion. the sting of his slap on your breast makes you flinch, but it also intensifies the heat coiling in your lower belly. despite the pain and humiliation, you find yourself pushed closer to the edge, teetering on the brink of orgasmic bliss.

geto smirks at your admission, pleased with the submission in your voice. he drives into you harder, relentlessly in his pursuit of your pleasure—and your punishment. “mmm, good girl... now cum for me,” he orders, his voice a seductive mix of command and promise. he lets go of your hair to grasp your throat, applying just enough pressure to ensure your attention remains focused on him and nothing else.

the hand that had been smacking your breasts now finds its way between your bodies, rubbing circles onto your clit while still keeping a firm hold on your throat. he watches intently, observing how your face contorts in pleasure, enjoying the sight of you succumbing to his will.

“let me hear it... let me hear how good it feels when i fuck you senseless,” he demands, his tone leaving no room for argument. “come on baby, i know you are dirty girl.” your entire being focuses on the sensation of his cock plunging into you, each thrust hitting spots inside you that send waves of pleasure crashing through your body. the pressure on your throat and the stimulation of your clit combine to push you closer to the edge.

a strangled moan escapes your lips, your voice breaking as you try to comply with his demand. “it- it feels so good— so fucking good...” you pant, your words punctuated by gasps and whimpers. your pussy clenches around his cock, desperate for release as you cling to the last threads of sanity.

geto grins at your words, satisfaction washing over him as he feels your pussy tightening around his throbbing member. he tightens his grip on your throat slightly, forcing a choked cry from your lips.

“that’s it... that’s my good girl,” he praises, his voice a deep rumble of approval. he quickens his pace, each thrust becoming more powerful and deliberate. the sound of your moans and the sight of your flushed face spur him on further. he wants to see you unravel, to witness the moment when pleasure overtakes reason. “cum for me... show me what a fucking mess i’ve made of you,” he grunts, his fingers rubbing furiously against your clit, eager to draw out your climax.

your body trembles on the brink of release, each thrust pushing you closer to the edge. the feeling of his fingers circling your sensitive clit sends you spiraling into oblivion. you throw your head back to his shoulder, closing your eyes as you feel your toes curling and your legs shaking in the air. stars running around behind your eyelids and burst into fireworks.

a loud cry rips from your throat as your orgasm crashes over you, your cunt clenching tightly around his cock as wave after wave of pleasure courses through your body. your limbs feel weak, your mind foggy as you ride out the intensity of your climax.

“oh god, oh godddd...” you whimper, your body wracked with sobs as you struggle to regain control as geto watches you through his screen. geto relishes the feeling of your cum spasming around his cock, begging to milk him dry and sucking his cum out, and paint your velvet walls white. he lets out a low groan, his own climax building rapidly.

he continues to rub your clit mercilessly, determined to prolong your pleasure even as he approaches his own peak. his grip on your throat loosens slightly, allowing you to breathe raggedly. “look at you... crying and coming like a fucking whore,” he mutters, his voice thick with lust. he gives one final, deep thrust, burying himself completely inside you as he releases his seed deep within your womb.

your body continues to convulse with aftershocks of pleasure, your cunt still clamping sporadically around his cock. the sensation of his hot cum filling you up pushes you over the edge once more, another wave of ecstasy washing over you. through tear-filled eyes, you gaze up at the screen, meeting geto’s intense purple stare. your mouth hangs open just a wee, panting heavily as you struggle to process the overwhelming sensations coursing through your body.

“fuck, suguru,” you whimper, your voice hoarse from crying out during your orgasms. your arms fall limply to your sides, unable to support your weight any longer. you’re utterly spent, drained of all energy and willpower, finally. all you can do is sit there on his lap, impaled on his cock, as he fills you with his essence.

geto watches you intently, drinking in the sight of your ravaged expression and trembling form. he keeps his cock buried deep inside you, relishing the feeling of his cum slowly leaking out of your used hole.

he finally releases your throat, his hands moving to cup your breasts instead, squeezing them gently as if testing their weight. he strokes your nipples with his thumbs, teasing them back to hardness. “such a beautiful mess,” he whispers, his tone filled with pride and satisfaction. he reaches up to gently wipe away some of the tears trailing down your cheeks, his touch surprisingly tender given the rough sex you just endured.

once he’s satisfied with your appearance, he leans back in his chair, pulling you against his chest as he cradles you in his strong arms. he strokes your hair soothingly, humming a soft melody that seems to vibrate through his body and into yours.

“so beautiful,” he coos, his voice a warm caress against your ear, eyes meeting yours in the land of his screen. “shame we’re only roommate,” he smiling softly before kissing your forehead. your body molds against his, seeking comfort and reassurance after the intense session. struggling the way your body trembling, with the energy left you move to face him, nuzzle into his neck and curl up on his lap, breathing in his scent as you slowly come down from the high of your multiple orgasms.

you let out a soft sigh, your breath tickling his skin. despite the tenderness of the moment, you can’t help but feel a pang of sadness at his words. as much as you crave his touch and desire him intensely, you know that this is all it can ever be—a secret tryst between roommates.

“yeah, what a shame,” you murmur, your voice barely audible. you trail off, not daring to finish the thought aloud. you know it would be futile to hope for more, to dream of a future where suguru could be yours openly and without shame. geto holds you close, his arms encircling your waist possessively. he tilts your chin up with one finger, forcing you to meet his intense gaze.

“don’t look so sad, kitten,” he murmurs, his voice low and soothing. “we have this, don’t we? these moments, just you and me...” he leans in, capturing your lips in a slow, sensual kiss. his tongue delves into your mouth, exploring and claiming every inch of you. when he finally pulls away, you’re both left panting softly.

“i know it’s not ideal,” he admits, his thumb tracing your bottom lip. “but it’s better than nothing, isn’t it? at least we can have this... this connection.” he smiles ruefully, a hint of melancholy in his eyes. “and who knows?”

you nod slowly, trying to convince yourself that yes, this is enough. it’s not ideal, but it’s something—something real and raw and incredibly satisfying. you capture his hand and press it against your cheek, holding it there as you gaze into his eyes. “yeah, whatever,” you agree softly.

you lean in, pressing a gentle kiss to his palm before releasing his hand. you snuggle back into his embrace, feeling contented and oddly fulfilled. maybe this was all you needed after all—to share these stolen moments with geto, to experience the depth of emotion and physical intimacy that he alone could provide.

geto’s smile widens at your acceptance, relief washing over him with hummed followed along after. he wraps his arms tighter around you, pulling you flush against his muscular frame. “whatever indeed,” he chuckles, the vibrations of his laughter resonating through your body. he nuzzles your hair affectionately, inhaling your scent deeply.

“i’m glad we understand each other, kitten,” he says softly, his voice tinged with warmth. “now, how about we take a nap? i think we’ve earned it after that intense session.” he settles back in his chair, cradling you in his lap as he reclines comfortably. his cock, still semi-hard, presses against your ass, a constant reminder of your recent activities.

“just rest here with me,” he whispers, stroking your back soothingly. “let’s recharge our batteries for the next time.” geto grins, a devilish glint in his purple eyes. “what a sweet shit-talker,” you mutter, too tired or maybe too much of a coward to say it out loud.

the soft insult making the raven-haired man snort, “well, aren’t you a cynic?” his hand moves to stroke your hair, his touch gentle yet firm. “but hey, even the biggest cynics need a little sweetness now and then, right?” he chuckles, the sound rumbling through his chest. “and besides, i’m just looking out for my favorite roommate.” he winks, his smirk playful yet dangerous.

you roll your eyes, attempting to put up a facade of indifference, but you can’t stop the small smile that tugs at your lips. “oh, so i’m your favorite, huh?” you retort weakly, leaning into his touch. “i must be so honored.”

he lets out another of those low laughs, the sound sending a shiver through you. “oh, you should be,” he says, his voice lilting with playful arrogance. “i don’t just let anyone sit on my lap, you know. you should count yourself lucky, sweetheart.”

you let yourself relax in his embrace, the warmth of his body surrounding you like a comforting blanket. his hands continue their soothing motions, roaming over your back and hair, lulling you into a state of blissful contentment. despite your exhaustion, a cheeky thought crosses your mind as you snuggle closer to him.

“favorite roommate, huh?” you tease, your voice low and sultry. “i thought i was your only roommate.”

geto chuckles once again, his chest rumbling against yours. “ah, semantics,” he replies, his voice a mix of amusement and feigned nonchalance. “details, details. my favorite… my only… same difference, really.” he pulls you even closer, his arms encircling you like a warm, muscular embrace. “besides,” he murmurs, his lips finding the sensitive spot on your neck. “you're the only roommate i need.”

you couldn’t help but smile, feeling the warmth of his chest rumbling with his quiet chuckle, his voice laced with that familiar mix of amusement and teasing. his arms tightened around you, drawing you closer until there was hardly any space between you, his embrace both comforting and exhilarating.

as his lips found that sensitive spot on your neck, a soft sigh escaped you, and you leaned into his touch, letting your fingers trail gently along his shoulder. the way he held you, the warmth of his breath against your skin, everything felt like second nature, the kind of closeness that only he could bring.

snuggling closer, you let out a quiet laugh, your eyes half-closed as you nestled against him. “cheeky bastard,” you murmured, a playful smile tugging at your lips as you relaxed into his arms. his warmth enveloped you, and you closed your eyes, letting the moment wrap around you like a gentle haze.

his lips curved into a smirk against your skin, his fingers tracing lazy patterns along your back. “damn right i am,” he replied, his voice low and amused. he shifted in his chair, his muscular arms flexing as he pulled you even closer. you were practically pressed flush against him now, the heat of his body seeping through your skin, a comforting and exciting presence.

geto hums, a pleased sound that vibrates through his chest. his fingers continue their gentle, soothing motions, tracing invisible patterns on your skin, as if he’s trying to memorize every dip and curve of your body. “but i prefer the term ‘charming, irresistible bastard,’ thank you very much,” he replies jokingly. “and besides, you like it when i’m cheeky.”

a laugh escapes you as his words sink in, a warm, playful sound that melts into the air around you. “i don’t know where you got that idea,” you reply, your voice light with mock indignation. “i never said i liked it when you’re cheeky.”

but even as you deny it, your arms find their way around his bare waist, pulling yourself closer, and you can feel his warmth seeping into you, steady and grounding. the rhythmic beat of his heart thumps under your ear, a soothing lull that makes the rest of the world feel like it’s melting away.

with a soft, relieved sigh, you let yourself relax into him, the tension slowly leaving your body as you settle in his embrace. it’s moments like this—his warmth, his quiet hum, the way his fingers trace gentle patterns on your back—that remind you of how safe and at home you feel with him.

geto's lips curve into a satisfied smirk as he feels you relax against him, as if he knows exactly the effect he’s having on you. his arms wrap even tighter around you, enveloping you in a comforting embrace.

“mmm,” he murmurs, the sound of a low vibration in his chest. “deny it all you want, sweetheart. but we both know you secretly find my cheeky behavior adorable,” he punctuates his words with a light nip at your neck, a teasing gesture that sends a shiver through you.

[saivii]

I have some thoughts about Nam-gyu’s character (how he comes across to me) because none of the ways I’ve seen people on here characterize him 100% resonate with me. Here are my thoughts on him, and some of these are just speculation on my part:

• He doesn’t like feeling out of control or helpless in any way. I think he has a complex about seeming “weak” and gets really set off if anything seems to confirm that he might appear weak.

• Has some self-hatred but would never admit it.

• Full of resentment (again, he would never admit that)

• Two-faced, tends to act polite/suck up to people who seem stronger but bullies people who are on the same “level” as him (this probably ties into his job as a club promoter because it would involve him having to appeal to people with more power)

* I think that he doesn’t like people who seem “weak” because he worries that other people might see him that way, especially if those “weak” people get close to him.

* I also think he doesn’t like to get too close to people in general because he’s afraid they won’t stay, either because they’ll die or because they’ll stab him in the back. He’s fine acting friendly on a surface level or having fun with someone while high, but he never acts completely genuine and tries not to get attached.

• I think he seems worried that other people look down on him (e.g. when he kills se-mi he asks her if she thinks he’s a joke)

• Is clearly terrified of the games but doesn’t want anyone to know that (hence him relying on the drugs)

* The only person that he seems somewhat comfortable with knowing that he’s scared is Thanos. I think it’s because he’s at least willing to admit that Thanos is stronger than him if it means he can rely on Thanos (it gives him a sense of security). Also he knows admitting it to Thanos might help him get the drugs, which will make it easier to suppress his fear and thus survive. It also might be a bit easier for him because he knew Thanos before the games.

* His total 180 to everyone else after getting the drugs (acting all confident in front of Min-su) shows how unwilling he is to show fear in front of most people. The fact that Se-mi calls him out on it really sets him off and I think that’s what leads to him resenting her so much, because she sees through the facade he tries to put up.

• Says that he did all kinds of crazy stuff when he worked at the club, which makes me wonder a lot of things, like is that how he started using? Did he use to hide how that job made him feel? Did he use to make it easier to put up a front?

• I can’t help but wonder if a small part of him was slightly worried about Gyeong-su during Mingle. Obviously it wasn’t enough for him to really hesitate or anything but when he gets into a room safely he’s the one who looks out the window (which I don’t think he does in any other round of Mingle) and he gets snappy when Min-su asks him about Gyeong-su.

• I think he simultaneously admires and resents Thanos. I think he envies the way Thanos seems so carefree and sure of himself as well as the fame and influence that Thanos has. I also think that while he meant to just use Thanos for security, he ends up getting attached to Thanos and doesn’t really realize it until Thanos is dead. He still feels resentful toward Thanos and tries to convince himself that it’s all he feels, though.

* It’s so hard to describe how I think he felt about Thanos but none of the takes I’ve seen so far have really reflected how I think he felt. I don’t think the reason he hated Min-su and Se-mi were because of jealously stemming from an attraction to Thanos. I think he hated those two because if Thanos paid more attention to them, that would make him feel weaker or less important than them and worsen the weird inferiority complex that I think he has. So he’s jealous in the sense that he feels like he has to compete with them for second place. Side note: I also think he hated them because them voting X showed that he wasn’t skilled enough to manipulate or intimidate them into doing what he wanted them to.

* I also think at first he was desperate to stay by Thanos so he wouldn’t be alone in the games. Since he already knew Thanos from working at the club and he could bond with Thanos over their shared hatred of 333 he had his foot in the door to become Thanos’s ally, but seeing the number of players who are fans of Thanos (and later seeing Thanos gravitate toward Min-su and Se-mi) makes Nam-gyu anxious that he might get left out or forgotten. He knows that Thanos is a strong player, and if he can’t be the strongest, he at least wants to be the second strongest.

* I think he’s really shaken after Thanos’s death and doesn’t completely understand why, which only bothers him more. On the one hand, he doesn’t have to feel inferior to Thanos anymore, but now he’s alone. Min-su and Se-mi are on the X side (and he never really liked either of them much anyway) and the one person he was able to have fun with is dead. When he takes the drugs with Thanos, he tends to goof around more, but when he takes them alone after Thanos dies, he’s aggressive and unhinged, and I think that shows that losing Thanos

• I think he tends to be touchy with other people in order to get them to do what he wants them to. Nam-gyu tends to be more manipulative and roundabout compared to Thanos (of course he can also be violent and direct at times though), and being touchy is his way of feigning intimacy and trying to get the other person’s guard down.

• This is 100% a headcanon but I think he’s bisexual. I think for a long time he assumed he couldn’t be attracted to men because he was attracted to women and he thought that meant he had to be straight. Then one day he hears about bisexuality and he’s like “ohhhh.” He’s definitely closeted tho.

• Another headcanon of mine is that he’s more of an introvert than he seems. Like he tries very hard to seem energetic and outgoing but on the inside he’s tired of people.

Hopefully this made sense and wasn’t too repetitive lol! Idk I guess I just wanted to share my thoughts on him because the main takes on him that I’ve seen are either “I hate him so much he’s the worst and he didn’t care about Thanos at all” or him just being completely dependent on Thanos (and to be fair, a lot of his characterization does relate to Thanos but I feel like ppl sometimes water down his character just so they can ship him with Thanos if that makes sense. Nothing against that ship btw, I actually like them together!) Basically he’s a silly little guy but he’s also a little fucked up actually.

Here’s a couple of pictures that sum him up in a nutshell (to me):

[coff33notforme]

The Rise boys with an s/o who shows affection via biting, like they can just be hanging out And Reader just bites their respective turtle

A/n: Eats this request. I love this idea sm, especially considering how I actually bite my friends to show affection. I only did Leo and Donnie though, because I couldn't think of anything for Raph and Mikey, so I hope thats alright.

Pairing: Leo and gn reader, and Donnie and gn reader (separately!)

Leo

Whines the first time you did it, he was complaining about how you bit him to hard

But after a while he becomes kind of desensitized to it 

He even turns it into a sort of game 

Whoever gets the most bites at the end of the day wins the game

“What are you doin’ Leo?” 

“Can’t talk Raph, Oh! That reminds me, have you seen Y/N?”

“Uh no? Why?”

“I need to bite them, let me know if you see them.”

It confuses the hell out of his brothers when Leo is walking around the lair like a hungry animal hunting its next meal

Especially when they witness you creeping around, looking to them with a finger pressed over your mouth as if signaling them not to alert their blue brother

It’s like a really, really weird version of hide and go seek 

Usually Leo is the one who ends up having to look for you and when he finds you it ends with you two wrestling on the floor, while Leo tries to bite you #couplegoals <3

Honestly you two have created an entire new love language

You and Leo sat side by side on your plush couch, flailing your arms frantically before you wilted in defeat letting out a tired groan as Leo let out a triumphant yell. Not once had you been able to beat him in Mario Kart, and as fun as having Leo kick your butt was, you wanted to win, even if just once.

“I told you you wouldn’t be able to beat me, I’m reigning champ y/n! It was a cute try though.” Leo hummed as he placed a small peck on your frowning face. 

“Ah come on Nardo! Please, let me win, just once?” you pleaded, clasping your hands together in desperation. Leo let out a low hum, tapping his finger against his face in thought. As if thinking hard on the matter.

“Nope.” 

You grunted, as Leo patted your head sympathetically before he rose from the couch leaning back as his back gave a satisfying pop.

“I’m going to grab something from the kitchen real quick, I’ll be back!” he called walking away.

You had to think of something, and fast. Nothing you could do in the game even seemed to phase him! He was able to doge your shots, and avoid obstacles in the game, so what could you do? 

Then it came to you. No one said it had to be in the game. A smug grin crept across your face. You were going to win, no matter the cost.

That was when the blue turtle entered the room with a bowl of popcorn in his arms as he confidently strutted past you, little did he know that confident streak was about to come to an end. 

“What do you say about one more game Leo? I have a good feeling about this one.” you smiled, waving your controller around. 

“Sure, if you really want to have your butt kicked that badly again.” 

You clicked the star button, the countdown began. 

One

You revved up your engine, glancing at Leo

Two

Leos signature grin spread across his oblivious face

Three!

Without warning, you lean over to Leo, biting his shoulder as he lets out a hurt yelp letting go of his controller as he goes to cradle his ‘wounded’ shoulder.

Meanwhile you remind laser focus on your race as you continue to speed past Leo's still car, until your car finally dashed across the finish line. 

“Yes!” you cheered, throwing your arms up in victory. You turned to the now glaring turtle. 

“Aw Come on Leo, don’t be like that.” you chuckled bringing him in for a hug. Until you felt a sharp sting in your own shoulder.

“Did you just bite me?” 

“Fair is fair.” 

Donnie

Is extremely weirded out

Doesn’t understand why you feel the need to bite him

Is this some weird human thing? 

Genuinely puts in a lot of research to figure out why you bite him, and boy, he’s pretty sure he’s more confused than he was before 

You’ll have to explain that it’s an affectionate thing because other wise hes going to truly start to believe that you want to eat him

Thinks it’s some sort or instinctual thing for you, but he never seems to really make peace with it

I mean, at least he always knows it’s you when someone walks up behind him and bites him

At first he tried to counter you whenever you tried to bite him he’d jump out of the way or simply scoot away 

But that become harder to do every time he saw you

You sat on one of Donnie's spinny chairs your eyes staring at the blank wall as you lazily fiddled with the tool in your hand as Donnie continued to tinker away, hunched over the clutter of parts that laid on his desk. He rose up for a moment sticking his hand out expectingly. 

“Screwdriver.” He commanded without taking his eyes of the mess of parts, without question you handed the item over to him, and once again Donnie became immersed in his work.

You sighed slowly spinning around on the stool, as the sound of scraping metal and rust filled the silent room. 

“Donnie, can we please do something else now? I know I promised I’d help, but this isn’t really what I had in mind.” you spoke turning yourself around to face the purple brother, he seemed to pay you no mind as he worked.

“This is exactly what you promised to help with y/n, and if I recall you said you help me with whatever I asked.” you groaned 

“Yeah, but being your personal tool shelf isn’t exactly what I thought you needed help with.” 

No response. 

Your eyebrows furrowed. You looked to the clock hanging on Donnie's wall, it read, 2:34, it had already been two whole hours of this. And saying you were simply bored would be an understatement, you felt as though your brain was slowly melting away, with every minute that ticked by.

You needed to get out of here and quickly. But the whole point of helping Donnie was so that he would hang out with you if you did him a favor. 

Ugh, this really shouldn’t be a difficult thing to think about. But no matter how much you rattled your brain you couldn’t think of an easy situation

“Wrench.” you grabbed the Wrench before an idea popped into your head. As you began to hand Donnie the wrench you scooted closer until you were right beside him. 

Donnie sighed.

“Y/n, what are you…” he was cut off as you nipped his shoulder. 

Silence.

“Did you bite my shoulder?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Can we please go outside now? I’m going to actually eat you if I have to spend one more minute being a tool shelf.”

That definitely motivated him to get moving.

[sagittarot]

🔥 Mars 🔥

Mars - known for aggression, motivation, conquest, acting on desire, sex, and stamina

One's mars sign can drastically influence the way they carry themselves, are seen, and impact personal relations and diplomacy. Mars is Energy.

❤️‍🔥 Mars aspecting Chiron can lead to wounds being healed through physical activity- such as martial arts. It should also be noted that it may also indicate particularly violent wounds, or wounds involving domineering men.

❤️‍🔥Mars in pisces need to learn to act on instinct. Decisions are made intuitively and felt through. Because pisces is co-ruled by Jupiter- luck tends to be on their side in accidents or conflict. The type to be in a serious car wreck without a scratch.

❤️‍🔥Mars in cancer are very moody individuals. They can be very shy in private, but project confidence in group settings. They claim to be loners, but I usually see them socializing and going with the mood of the crowd they’re in. Super sweet, but more on the guarded side of cancer placements.

❤️‍🔥Virgo mars have ANGER issues. The type to journal their darker feelings graphically. Think of constant bickering and debates as stimulating and engaging. PE teacher vibes.

❤️‍🔥Libra mars are by far the most charming libra placement I’ve encountered. They can really make everyone comfortable and smooth rough edges in their environment. The type to just shrug and go “this too shall pass” at high stress situations. Very loyal and old fashioned lovers. Their energy is directed towards unity.

❤️‍🔥Pisces mars genuinely need to have a hold on their escapist tendencies. I notice we’re either running from something or highly highly spiritual. Mediums fr tho.

❤️‍🔥 Gemini Mars 🤝 Arguing as a way to flirt

❤️‍🔥 Pluto-Mars aspects and their eternal struggle with control and power is real. You know they aren’t in a good place when they keep trying to death-grip everything in their lives.

❤️‍🔥Saturn-Mars and needing to build up tension

❤️‍🔥 Mercury-Mars and the voice *chefs kiss* 🤌🏻

❤️‍🔥 5th house mars 🤝 being addicted to high risk activities.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in 1st house can appear to always be injured/ in accidents. Commonly seen for the first time with casts and braces. Athletic. Also prone to arguing about themselves. “I’m not like that at all!” “my leg is fine! Just leave me alone, I can handle myself!” Etc

❤️‍🔥 Capricorn mars is NOTORIOUS for their waiting. I’m not saying they don’t take action (they DEFINITELY do and BOLDLY) but it’s more structured when they do. When they move, they make it so NOTHING can disrupt their foundation. They’re slow and steady FS. Very respectful of lover’s boundaries in my experience.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in 2nd house constantly argue about their worth, fortune, and their structure. Sign will color how this plays out. My mom has Aries mars in 2nd house- always arguing with people ab money, her values, eating habits, etc. my father also has mars here- but it’s Virgo, and he will debate about giving away his money, debate values, etc. he tends to be less aggressive than my mother in this house.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in 7th literally HAVE to argue with their partners. I don’t know why. They get really upset when their partners don’t argue back. They really like bratty banter.

❤️‍🔥 10th house mars 🤝 arguing with authority figures

❤️‍🔥 Mars-moon hard aspects have a hard time balancing their emotional reactions, and tend to have very impulsive responses to stimuli.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in detriment or fall signs tend to have lower energy levels and aren’t necessarily motivated to act easily.

❤️‍🔥 Mars in water signs and houses can and will be angry if those around them are. Very reflective lol. Also the type to get hype/motivated when in a crowd. Probably loves mosh pits tbh. Hard for them to release that emotion.

❤️‍🔥 Mars-Venus are charming individuals, often making peace during war, but can sometimes take out their angers and frustration on their closer friends and lovers. Could also just find conflict with social relationships.

❤️‍🔥 Mars Opposite Jupiter (cap mars) can be VERY quick. For some reason he wanted to edge himself??? Literally went in and exited immediately.

❤️‍🔥 EVERY Sagittarius Mars i have met was so funny and sooo nerdy. 10/10 my Sag Venus falls SO hard for this mars sign (esp bc its in my 5th house). Most around my age have aspects to pluto, which is very hot omg. In true fire mars fashion,(in an unserious and joking tone) i have been told by this placement, "I don't want to share you," and that they would flip off anyone checking me out.

[compassionatereminders]

So, earlier I got into a fight with my sister. The details aren't important, but it was pretty bad.

Later, after we had both stormed off, she sends me a very, very long text. Talking about how much I hurt her. But also, she was making really, really cruel remarks comparing me to our abusive parents. I did fuck up and was an asshole during the argument, but I felt really really hurt that she thought I was as bad as them.

After I made my most genuine apology, because I did actually cause a genuine c-ptsd induced panic attack. I felt like absolute shit and still do. But I did hold onto some of the anger from her making those cruel remarks.

She rejected my apology, and sent another text talking about how she thought I was the only person she could trust, and that I had just completely shattered her perception of me and now she knows "[I'm] just like everyone else".

This is when I started to think: Hm. This doesn't feel like typical c-ptsd, I would know since we both had the same shit childhood.

I remember reading about BPD, so I look into it. I was already aware that "personality disorder = inherently abusive" is incredibly ableist and untrue, so I clicked away from anything that presented that narrative.

As for the rest? Oof, that sounds exactly like my sister. And then I remember my aunt has BPD.

I'm not one to armchair diagnose someone, even if it is the person I've practically been stuck to the hip with since her birth, and the only person she shares everything with, including confiding in me her intense fear of abandonment and other things that don't necessarily confirm BPD in a vacuum but are potentially indicative of it.

My point is: Although I think it's extremely likely I won't decide to prematurely label her as that until I have a long heart to heart with her about my concern and gently suggest she bring it up with her therapist (who has been good for her so far, thankfully!).

The other point I want to make is that... regardless of if she has it or not, I'm going to stick by her no matter what. She's been so deeply depressed and miserable for the last 6+ years and I felt like I had exhausted all ways I had previously learned about mental illnesses to support her. Medication, therapy, lots of loving support from friends and family... nothing changed. And I began to suspect there's a root issue that we simply haven't uncovered.

If it is what I suspect it is, then I can learn how to properly support her. If it's not, I'll help her in her search for the root issue. I refuse to leave her side in this no matter what involuntarily cruel things she says, because I know it's not something she can control.

I don't want to become like my mom and aunt, who like my sister and I, once upon a time were best friends but now don't talk to each other because my aunt has... well, many of the exact same problems as my sister, and never managed to manage it, plus my mom not understanding her sister, now they're middle aged and are no contact.

I don't want to even think about a world where that happens to me and my sister. Things have been tense with us recently, more than usual. It scares me. She's my best friend. The person I trust most. I love her and want to see her happy.

Sorry this is so long. It's been an emotional night and I'm kinda stoned and I'm very tired which makes me rambly. What's the point of this all? IDK, I just had a lot of thoughts and needed an outlet in what I feel is a safe space to let out my thoughts. But, advice is also completely welcome

This is of course a nuanced and complicated situation where both of you are deeply traumatized regardless of exact diagnosis, which always makes relationships harder than they should be. And while it is great that you are mature enough to step back and apologize when you mess up in some capacity, this does not make it okay for her to throw endless accusations and blame in your direction. Because healing from trauma together is a two-way street, and if only one part is able to apologize and recognize mistakes, it won't work out. And it shouldn't honestly, because one thing is conflict, fuck ups and incidents, but a recurrent pattern of zero accountability is a whole other beast. Wanting to stick by her and figure this out with her even though it's a struggle is a valuable and very compassionate choice, and I really hope it works out - it just shouldn't come with zero conditions indefinitely. You get to expect growth and accountability too.

[sunflowersandscreams]

finished the raven boys. exhale.

really good. holy shit what a downward spiral.

adam pressing charges and then slowly losing more and more control, which is one of the most important things to him and reflective of the nature of abuse (taking away someone's control). can't wait to read on to see what the consequences of him sacrificing himself are. also him living with his disability- I personally don't have hearing loss but i always love to read stories with disability elements, whether metaphorical or literal. also interested in if this is it with his family? because it feels like he has more to go through there. i also think there's a risk of him becoming more isolated at the church apartment(?). unsure. also him and blue are so sweet. i hope they don't crash and burn.

ronan- doesn't have the most massive part in this book. with his last line i suspect we'll go more in depth on his dream powers(?) later on. (wish the last scene and ronans line had been a bit more drawn out. it felt jarring and too much too fast). love him so far and hope there's more of his pov in the next book. what a piece of shit (affectionate).

noah- what the fuuuck. man. so I assume he just does not age? how will this relate to the others growing older and moving out and living their own lives? I assume at some point they'll kind of have to let him go? but very curious about who he was before he was a ghost/spirit.

whelk- holy moly. wish we'd gotten a little more on his background but i get that this book is kind of vague and ephemeral with details sometimes. his death felt very impactful because of how quickly his power was stripped away, i think. love the anti-gun sentiment through the book btw. truly nothing has ever been fixed with a gun.

neeve & maura- just a big question mark. especially with neeves ambitions and weird mask stuff. giving me the vibes of an evil mirror twin but I don't think that's the case. Maura i love you. she's sensible but a bit messy, much like blue. I have no idea where the dad plot point is going but eager to find out.

gansey- what's wrong with you fr. he's at his best when he's miserable <3 I love the flashes of him and blue. can't wait to see them fall in love and be star crossed lovers. hate his nickname as well as blue's. i don't see the appeal. fuck he's just so tragic. he falls in love with everyone he meets and he's very genuine but also naive in many ways bc of his privilege. him and ronan augvvh i can't wait to see more. him and Adam are soso bad for each other except when they're not. i can see why many people say polyamory for these people. (or maybe im just in an echo chamber.)

blue- my girl!! she has so much life and energy to her i really want to know why she doesn't have powers similar to her mother's and is only a magic amplifier. i wonder if she'll discover some? I like her interactions and her initial outsider sort of vibe but she's confident enough to fake it til she makes it and get in with the group. I wish they could be happy. love her attraction to everyone in the group, wanting to impress ronan, instant zing with Noah, sweetness with Adam, and banter with gansey. she's very brave but not in a way that feels hashtag badass in some 2010s YA lit. want to see her break down and lose her mind a bit though.

okay! those are my thoughts on characters. as for plot- something is very much starting. it feels like there are layers to this. with more books and gansey having searched in other countries for ley lines i hope we get some more settings outside of Henrietta, but keep a main focus on the town. cabeswater isn't done with them yet and there is something definitely sinister about it. i don't think it's a force for evil but definitely outside human morals and very very powerful.

I'm curious as to how the Latin fits in- to my knowledge this book has elements of Irish & Welsh folklore, and Latin reads more Roman to me? but maybe I'm uninformed & I might do more research into this after I've finished the whole series so i don't spoil myself.

okay. post done! again please don't spoil for future books.

[toxycodone]

i understand its all joaks and its lighthearted out of love for this character but it is a little sad to see things like laios being a minimum wage worker and having no friends being described as him being a loser when theyre extremely common autistic experiences 💔 because to be honest i think youre really cool and a great writer and i would like to interact more but it makes me go, is that what you would think of me? my life situation’s not too different from that. anyways i hope you have a nice day <3

no not at all I genuinely like being mean to Laios so take everything I say about him with the world's biggest effing grain of salt because I am just. mean to him in particular lol. i like to kick him when he's down. (evil and mean but to blonde men in particular)

but like. i am not cool at all. like...........ill put it under the cut but yeah.

real shit under the cut bc this ask is making me think! im gonna be real w u nonnie

tl:dr if u dont wanna see whats under the cut:

this ask kinda makes me think bc. i think im really mean to laios too bc he reminds me of myself beforehand (zero self confidence and suicidal idealization) sigh and I really hate being reminded of that. so. again. im really biased when it comes to him specifically and that doesn't apply to you or any of my followers.

and for what its worth i am sorry for making you feel that way.

but also. i gotta say I can 100% relate to him and you. this time last year I was working at Starbucks ( i could only tolerate 4 hour shifts bc i would get overstimulated and my coworkers lowkey hated me.) and had like. 1 friend from high school and the years before that I spent turbo online being constantly pushed out of friend groups bc i could NEVER get anything right socially. I swear the first 23 years of my life I never lived. i went thru hs and college as a fucking. like. creature I felt like i couldnt connect w anyone because I was too tormented by adhd + autism and i was INSANELY depressed and coping w lack of control by having an eating disorder and being doped the fuck up on stimulants. (MY PCP gave me 56 mg of concerta and 5mg booster of adderall i was fucking tweaking on the daily </3)

but like. i started going to therapy and a psychiatrist who made me quit cold turkey for my own good and we started treating my depression and debilitating anxiety (i was convinced a stranger was living in my house in secret but also that everyone in public who saw me was revolted by me and genuinely wanted me to kill myself jkdhsfskdjh i told you i was tweaking)

anyways. i was a druggie with no goal in life and living in my own head and now like. i can look at myself in the mirror and not think "hey. this fat ugly piece of shit should genuinely die" and now people in real life LIKE me. I have friends. multiple friend groups, actually. WITH NOT JUST ND PEOPLE. LIKE, A LOT OF THEM ARE NEUROTYPICAL. And i am very open about being autistic with them and i dont have to mask.

and they still like me! and invite me places! and genuinely want to hang out with me! and they think im smart and get uncomfortable when I say im stupid or too autistic to like. be able to be in public.

it still feels like a dream and in my mind im like "they actually are gonna drop you and make fun of you for thinking they were ever your friends" or like "theyre just doing this bc of the stupid buddy system shit or they think you're a pet this is highschool all over again"

but even tho im haunted by this. its....I can say with confidence its not true.

anyways. i know people say this shit all the time but I will say you are very capable of love and not a loser or anything like that. the thing you're missing out on is the right people. i didnt believe this for most of my life and tried to get myself killed because of it but im glad I didn't because it is genuinely true.

i have spent the last <1 year of my life genuinely being alive. and i wouldn't trade it for anything. idk if thats a sign for anyone yeah. take it

[malfunctioningemi]

I watched Disney's wish and was... disappointed. SO I FIXED IT

I think the movie had SO MUCH potential. I went in with hope that it would not be as bad as critics were saying, that audiences were just being harsh because they didn't understand the art style.

Then I watched it. I have never felt more disappointed in a movie with such a high budget. The longer it went on, the more I was just SAD at the lost and wasted potential. ESPECIALLY for the movie released on Disney's 100th anniversary.

What makes me the most disappointed is that you could make ONE CHANGE and it would have genuinely improved the pacing, message and tone of the movie.

Make Asha a princess.

Make Asha King Magnifico's daughter.

Why would this improve things? Well, in the movie as it stands, we are told Asha has been taught about wishes from her father, who we never see outside of a single 5 second flashback, and we have no connection to. He's a needless character, really, as are her family.

Making Asha the kings daughter would recontextualize the entire movie for the better. Raised to love the kingdom, the people, the wishes, she would be raised to know how important wishes are to the workings of Rosas inside the castle and out. The song "At all costs" already sounds like a fathers lullaby, why not give it layered meaning? Make Magnifico be talking about ASHA, how she is amazing and his whole world and something that needs protecting.

Asha, in this new context, could be raised to be the next wish granter like her father, and that when she learns of the responsibility and lies that come with being the one keeping the wishes safe, initially she wouldn't see the issue with it.

Then we have her best friend (and perhaps in this world, handmaid) Dahlia, who could have told Asha her wish in confidence, and when she gives it up, Magnifico tells Asha that its "bad" for Rosas, even though to Asha, its a wish that was more than deserving enough. Then she realizes that her fathers way are wrong, uncertain if she wishes to follow his footsteps, especially when she sees the visible change in her best friends demeaner after giving up her wish.

From there, Asha, who could have always been fascinated with the stars and wishes, could take a step away from the castle to find the peaceful forest, making a wish of her own. Though rather than wishing TO a star, she more makes the wish to HERSELF, and the star answers in a way to help show Asha she DOES have the ability to grant her own wishes.

NOW.

with the context of Asha, the kings daughter, being the one to cause the spike in magic, Magnifico could HAVE SO MUCH MORE DEPTH into his frustration, anger and power hunger. We could explore his backstory, maybe he almost or DID lose someone important to magic and wishes, and is worried that his own daughter could get hurt, and THAT is why he wants to hunt down whoever could challenge his power. How is he meant to protect her "at all costs" like the song, unless he is the most powerful?

Meanwhile Asha is doing what she can to keep the star calm, but seeing the star interact with her people and grant even the simplest wishes would change how she has been taught EVERYTHING growing up under her father. Of course she has never questioned anything before, she trusts her father. maybe she is even SCARED of this strange magic star at first until it gains her trust.

Here, we could learn more about the magic of the world as Magnifico hunts down answers to questions of this strange magic. Seeing him go crazy seeking knowledge and trying to control everything, rather than trying to connect with his people and realise they are good, he trusts them less and less.

I do love the idea of crushing wishes being like grief, and I WISH they had expanded on that more, and the idea that the king with more power can alter wishes I WISH THEY HAD DONE MORE WIS=TH IT AS HE GOES MAD. If they wanted him to be irredeemable, he should have hurt his wife and her wish, but I think its implied her wish was the first he granted.

ANYWAYS as magnifico goes mad, Asha is connecting with the people, learning their wishes and dreams and hoping to help them. the more she and magnifico learn, the less close they become, and more spiteful towards one another's views, especially once Magnifico learns that Asha is the one working with the star, he could think her confused or that she had been manipulated by the star.

When they have their big confrontation, it would have SO MUCH MORE IMPACT

Father and Daughter fighting for what THEY see as right. The older generation (see: old disney, traditional and follows the rules and structures put in) fighting the innocent hope of the new generation (see: new disney and how they try and help talk through deeper topics (eg frozen, encanto, tangled)) and not realizing that they are strongest when together.

I'm still picking apart the ending, but i do believe that we could reframe the rebellion at the end between the people realizing they can help eACH OTHER grant their wishes, even if they cannot do it alone without the help of magic. The star's role in this should have been more like that, a helping hand.

I can imagine the star offers Magnifico a choice. Lose his magic, or become consumed by it.

Magnifico was already mad with power, but I think it would be Asha that convinces him that power is not magic, it's the people, which is shown by how they all hold one another up. She tells him that the only reason she LOVES her home, her people, is because he showed her how to.

Magnifico gives up his powers, and nobody in Rosas is in control of the wishes.

They feel lost, but the star offers Asha a hand, and she realises they they are still able to do what her wish was all about: helping her people.

MAGNIFICO BEGINS HIS REDEMPTION, ASHA BECOMES A PRINCESS BELOVED BY HER PEOPLE, AND WE HAVE A SATISFYING END!!

anyway I just,,, WISH that this movie was given more time to be something better. It was so rushed and the pacing was horrid, there were too many characters (fuck the goat) and too many themes they were trying to follow to the point they forgot the MAIN RULE of animation.

show. don't tell.

In Wish, we only learnt things because they were TOLD to us, which i HATE in visual mediums. Take time to pause. Show and develop relationships in motions, movements, the quiet moments.

:)

[magnolia-sunrise]

if you don't mind elaborating, i'm super curious as to what bastien and matteo's relationship is/was like. what went wrong and how did they come to not fit together (anymore?)? does wolfgang know about that all pre-relationship and how does that affect the two of them once they are together? i hope that makes sense i'm fascinated by how old relationships (platonic/romantic/etc) come to leave marks on and affect characters in the present

OHHH this is wonderful thank you for asking mintt!! i am very quietly really obsessed with their dysfunction but its a difficult thing to draw so i don't get to talk about it often :O

when they first met Bastien was genuinely dazzled with attention and care that Matteo gave him, and how much he provided and cared for him during one of the worst periods of his life when he dropped out of med school etc. they started living together very quickly, and in many ways it was both a lifeline and just genuinely affirming for Bastien who was very early in his transition back then. its the sort of thing that's hard to portray given where their relationship is now, but they did love each other and since then Bastien has always felt like he owes Matteo his life

what changed over the years is, well in most plain terms Bastien changed and Matteo didn't. what felt like comfort before, started to feel more like a cage, because Matteo is a very confident, decisive and controlling person. which was extremely attractive and helpful for Bastien in the absolute mess he was in when they started dating, but as he grew more into his own person he would chafe more and more against the limits of what Matteo found acceptable or attractive. they would live their life how Matteo preferred it, because it has always been that way! and to his fault, Bastien never tried to speak up about it or change anything. he just quietly resigned himself to it, repressing his own wants, and they both let the relationship grow stagnant over years. on top of that was always the feeling of this enormous debt, figuratively and financially, that he owes him. Matteo's money after all helps to finance the clinic where Bastien spends most of his free time getting into a situationship with his android patient

so over time as they get to know each other with Wolf, i think Bastien mentions his relationship less and less and spends more time away from home. so Wolfgang doesn't know the details, but they can tell he's unhappy and they know he will never let himself love anyone else. doesn't stop them from flirting with him, but meeting Matteo or seeing the two of them is a very special kind of pain.

and when Wolfgang and Bastien get together, given the traumatic circumstances, Bastien hasn't even broken up with Matteo yet, since they just had to drop everything and go. i think he carries a lot, a LOT of guilt and self hatred over his indecisiveness and how long it took him to break out from the relationship and let himself be happy - it cost him everything. the way he let himself be in that relationship turned him into a very walled off person, though luckily Wolfgang is a very persistent wrecking ball.

because of all this and how things go down (finding Wolfgang dead. his clinic in flames. etc), he forces himself to be more open and to say yes and to voice his desires and slowly Bastien accepts he could actually be happy, though he will probably never forgive himself. when things are a bit calmer and they have some time to each other, i think some of this history comes out in more detail, exchanging stories about past lovers and love's scars.

with their relationship with Matteo the most interesting part for me is the dynamic of like... even if someone saved your life at one point, it doesn't mean you owe them the rest of it. and it takes Bastien a very long time to accept that

[queen--kenobi]

Fem!Aemond Targaryen NSFT Alphabet

Listen. I'm in a Jaenna (fem!Aemond) mood so! Y'all are getting what I think she'd be like. And yes I am using a gif of Aemond because I genuinely don't think Jaenna would look much different

A= Aftercare (what they’re like after the act)

At first, she's not great imho. Like. Jaenna is slightly better than her male counterpart but not by much? She'll make sure her partner has water and is feeling okay, but that's about it. As time goes on, she does get much better about it

B= Body part (favorite body part their own or their lovers)

C= Cum (anything that has to do with it)

Her hands. She knows her hands drive women wild, especially since she's super dexterous with her fingers from years of knife twirling

I'm gonna say it. Jaenna is a tits girl. Tits and legs

This sorta ties in with dirty secret, but Jaenna wants to see if she can make her partner squirt. Aegon mentioned it in passing once, and initially Jaenna was weirded the fuck out and thought it gross but. Well. Once she's more comfortable with her sexuality, yeah. She wants to see if she can make her partner squirt

D= Dirty secret (Pretty self explanatory)

Jaenna hates the idea of being pregnant but is obsessed with the idea of her partner being pregnant

E= Experience (do they know what they’re doing)

Oh God no! Between her sense of duty and religious guilt pushed onto her by Alicent, she's never tried anything with anyone. That and she's never really deemed anyone worthy of her time and attention

F= Favorite position

Mmmhhhmmm. I think she likes to have her partner in her lap, especially if they're prone to trying to hide their face in the crook of her neck. Also. She doesn't necessarily like to fuck her partner from behind, but she does like to eat them out that way

G= Goofy (how serious are they)

Very serious. Early on she will leave because she feels she's being laughed at if her partner giggles. Eventually, as she becomes more confident, she'll calm down about that. She won't be goofy herself, but she'll lean into any playfulness in a serious way

H= Hair (grooming habits)

Very meticulously groomed BUT she's not anti-bush. She keeps it under control

I= Intimacy (in the moment romantic or rough/dirty)

It depends? I think more romantic than most think but still pretty damn filthy, you know?

J= Jack off (do they masturbate and how often)

Oh. The Faith Guilt is strong with this one. So. Before she gets a partner, she did like... once, and felt insanely guilty after

K= Kink (kinks what they like possibly unusual)

L= Location (where they like to get it on)

Okay so!

Brat tamer

D/s dynamics with her usual as the Dom. She likes "my Prince/King" the best

Bondage. She loves tying her partner up

Ownership. Jaenna is very possessive but, obviously, can't show that as much as she'd like to

As a subset of ownership, collaring. Just sayin'

Mostly in her/her partner's chambers or in the library. Occasionally the garden but that's got to be the middle of the night.

M= Motivation (things that makes them tick/turn ons)

N= No (turnoffs or absolutely won’t do)

Getting into a good debate with her partner, someone showing preference for her over her siblings, someone being protective of her (but not in a "you can't protect yourself" way that's an instant turn off). Poor girl is so starved for affection that any sign you think she's worth something more than politics or having a child? She'll be yours instantly

Water sports and scat are obvious "no"s. Anything that requires her to be the one sexually stimulated unless she's in a very specific mood. No Mommy dom action. Also, talks of her having a kid

O= Oral (receiving or giving and how skillful they are)

GIVING. Listen. I am firmly in the camp that Jaenna not only is a lesbian but also she's a stone butch (meaning she doesn't want to be touched during sex/has very specific ways she wants to be touched if she does). So she does not like receiving. She gets much much much more out of giving

P= Pace (how fast they are and how long they last in bed)

Oh, Jaenna takes her time. She's much more about her partner's pleasure so she goes as long as they need her to

Q= Quickie (do they prefer fast and hard)

No. Jaenna does them, but she much prefers taking her time

R= Risk (do they like to try new things)

Yeah, if her partner brings it up she'll probably be willing to try it?

S= Stamina (how many times they can go and how long each round lasts)

Oh, a while, and multiple times. Obviously not every time is going to be an all night thing, but she has done several long sessions in one night with short naps in between

T= Toys (are they game for using sex toys on themselves or lovers)

Yes. Not on herself but on her partner. She has to be the one using them on her partner, though. Her partner can't use it on themselves because that taps into an insecurity

U= Unfair (how do they tease or do they enjoy suspense themselves)

Oh, once she's confident in herself? She's such a goddamn tease it's not even funny

V= Volume (are they loud, what sounds, and do they talk)

She tends to stay quiet, opting for moans and quieter noises. That being said, if she picks up her partner likes dirty talk? Oh, she's more than happy to indulge

W= Wild card (random sincannon of any sort)

Honestly would probably bust instantly if someone called her "husband"

X= X-ray (what’s down below in dem pants)

I think she's probably got a decent sized clit but it's very shy sdsdsdsdsd Sorry, not sorry

Y= Yearning (sexdrive level)

Before she realized she was a lesbian? No. Nope. But. Once she's accepted her sexuality? Through the goddamn roof.

Z= Zzzz (do they sleep after if so how quickly after)

Depends? I think she doesn’t fall asleep right away, but she does become very relaxed and at ease. If she wants to, it wouldn't take her long

[irishk0rn]

was fucking around and doodling and this came to mind, so I might make it my lil illigar canon

//

Khadgar felt the color leave his face as he listened to the thundering of hooves. Was he sweating? He felt like he was sweating — but his robes could just be warm.

The champion had brought Illidan back to the tower, after he had confided something in them. He cursed to himself for such, knowing he would probably regret that decision and not make that mistake again. Yet another thing to be belittled for.

Illidan looked down at the mage; Makers be damned, he couldn’t read the demon hunter.

Khadgar tenses and closes his eyes. He tries to pretend that it isn’t Illidan he is speaking with, but rather the champion. “I just wanted to voice my concerns,” he said, lightly, “I didn’t mean to hurt him,”

Khadgar disassociates when he’s scared. Illidan knows. It’s one of Khadgar’s anxious habits.

The demon hunter remained silent.

The mage can feel his frown.

“Illidan, I know you’re angry — and that is your right—” His words tumble over each other as they race out of his mouth. “Makers, will you say something?”

Illidan can hear and feel the panic rise in the archmage. His ear twitches at the notion.

“Calm down,” he says finally. “Do you think I’m going to hurt you?”

Khadgar closes his eyes again. “Yes.”

The night elf blinks. That was not the answer he was expecting from his human. Was he… afraid of him?

“You have hurt me before — often. Er— not often, I guess, but I— I can think of many examples— I—”

“Breathe.”

Khadgar gave up on the elegance of his words. “You have hurt me before. A lot. I do love you, truly I do, but Gods be damned if it isn’t hard to. You can be so hurtful — I’m done with it,” he took a breath in before he continued, “I’m done. I don’t— I don’t deserve that. I’m terrified right now — having to stand up to you, this once. Do you understand?”

The realization hitting Illidan is almost surreal; like watching a baby giraffe learn to walk for the first time.

Had he lost control and not remembered? Realized?

“I’ve struck you?” Illidan asks, genuine concern and regret lacing his voice. “I’ve hurt you? Tell me when I have, Khadgar— please. How? What have I used? I—”

He is interrupted by the shake of Khadgar’s head.

“No. No, it’s— you have never struck me. But you hurt me. You make me feel so stupid and inadequate sometimes — I don’t think you realize you do it. I don’t want to believe you are doing it on purpose. Because if you are, we’re done—”

Illidan frowned and shook his head. “No!” his voice raises, and he notices Khadgar flinch. He moves back, disgusted with himself, that his beloved is scared of him. “Khadgar, I…”

Horrified realization crosses Illidan and he looks down at the ground, not having the strength to look at his lover.

Well, now Khadgar knows it’s not intentional. He can work with that.

And slowly, like approaching a stray animal, he moves to Illidan, taking his cheek in his hand. Illidan can’t help but lean into and welcome the touch. His eye lights dim and stop, simulating his eyes shutting.

“Illidan, I know love is difficult for you. It is for me, too. But… if changes aren’t made, I cannot continue like this with you,”

Illidan nodded mutely.

Khadgar offered a smile and rubbed his cheek with his thumb, inciting a low rumble from Illidan as he leaned into the affectionate touch.

“What would you like me to do, Khadgar?”

Now that’s a question. And the mage thinks on it for a moment, before looking at Illidan again. “I’ll help you. I’ll let you know if you’re doing it… and how you respond is up to you. We can start with that, hm?”

The night elf nodded again and leaned forward into the human’s touch.

“I’m sorry.”

Khadgar blinked. “What?”

“I’m sorry.”

Khadgar wasn’t used to hearing that from his partners. Especially not from the most rugged and closed off of them all; he had a few quite sweet lovers, like Kalecgos, who would always apologize, but he didn’t expect Illidan to. Ever. This was a surprise.

“It’s okay,” Khadgar paused, “Well, no… no, it’s not okay. But it will be. And I forgive you. How about that, huh?”

Illidan nodded a third time and nuzzled his head against Khadgar’s.

“Love you,” he muttered.

“Love you, too,” Khadgar whispered back.

[kittymeow180]

Seeing how hateful you are with your age honestly makes me so sad. I know you're gonna read this ask and laugh, and that's fine. But I sincerely wish better for you and wish for you to realize how unhealthy and toxic this is for both you and the people you attack. I don't know what you're going through or anything else, but I genuinely hope life treats you better. And I hope you learn that, no matter your views, it's really never okay to be so full of hate. Have a good day or night (dunno what time it is where you are).

thanks i can tell intentions are good with this but i came to this conclusion with my own experiences being a girl and by research, what i think isnt based entirely on hate but from the fact gender was made to oppress and control female people like me and i realized that this gender ideology benefited no one. getting into radical feminism helped me with my confidence and how i view my body and being a girl.

gender is a man made construct as u people like to say so theres no reason we should be suffering so much because of it.

im not attacking anyone, im a teen girl in my room for christs sake the most ill do is reblog with something that might slightly hurt someones feelings. the only thing i have done to 'attack' others is have my own opinions. i have trans friends so its not like i was immediately comfortable being open about being a radfem, i followed the herd and never interacted with any radical feminism. i said 'fuck terfs' because thats what everyone else was saying. ive been on that side of wishing i could be a boy and sometimes feeling like the only way out was to someday just transition because life as a female lesbian just felt like suffering and being the 'other' in the lgbt community. i feel better now because i realized i cannot fix whats not broken, i am not doomed to forever being unhappy with myself.

so thanks for the care but idk. ur hearts in the right place but u have the wrong idea about me ;__;

[delugyu]

lol don’t apologize i love astrology too! i genuinely love hearing about what makes the characters act the way they do and about their personalities! if u want to u should do an analysis for each character hehe

anyways, take care!

GLADLY!!! here’s the mc’s, soobin’s, and chaewon’s charts in this world 😋

i gave the mc (or yn or reader or however one wants to call her lol) a gemini sun, leo moon, gemini mercury, cancer venus, cancer mars, and sagittarius rising. her gemini placements make her a more social person, especially with those planets in the seventh house representing relationships. those placements coupled with her sagittarius rising explain her readiness to converse with soobin upon seeing him and making some of the first moves (asking for number, texting first). her sagittarius rising also makes her seem outgoing on the first impression, which i felt came across with soobin lol. also definitely a conversationalist—when she’s not talking, she’s texting. i gave her a leo moon because she’s so loyal to her closest friends. no matter what beomgyu does, she excuses him, because she’s fiercely loyal and attached to him. she’s also very loyal and protective of chaewon, as we see when beomgyu brings up chaewon in one of their arguments and mc shuts it down immediately. her leo moon also leaves her feeling like she has to protect her pride, which is why it feels so hard for her to confess to things and it brings her shame. cancer venus and mars are in her eighth house, so she really craves a deep, profound connection with someone. she allows herself intimacy with beomgyu because of a lapse in judgment (gemini mercury..) but also because of those 8th house cancer placements. cancer mars shows up during her fights, where she so often can’t quite bring herself to put her foot down. that also has to do with her lack of earth signs in her chart tho. that cancer energy makes her quite inconsistent too.

for soobin’s chart i’d say leo sun (HEAR ME OUT), libra moon, virgo mercury, libra venus, gemini mars, and virgo rising. that leo sun libra moon combo is soooo charming, but it’s mellowed down with the virgo rising so it’s delivered in a more timid and modest way. that leo sun doesn’t get to shine much because it’s in his twelfth house, so all that shine is something he doesn’t quite see in himself, which may lead to some confidence issues in him. virgo mercury… he’s smart and he responds well to questions. this placement is in his first house, so it comes off strong. definitely might have a nerdy aura to him lol. LIBRA MOON cause he’s the ultimate people pleaser. i knew that one right off the bat LMAOO. he lets mc have and do whatever she wants without pushing for his own wants. libra venus is so sweet and romantic. also venus in the second = good and/or blessed with money lol. his chart is more bottom heavy (most planets in the lower half), so he’s more of a shy and introverted person. gemini mars in the 10th house makes him really dedicated to his job lol, also suggests he’s pretty busy. gemini mars is pretty good at thinking before they act, so soobin’s not the type to make rash decisions. (also, his tenth house ruler is in the first house, and the first time he and mc met was when he was working, fun observation.) his chart is very unlike mc’s and beomgyu’s in that he lacks water but has earth, so he’s more able to keep himself level (helped by that libra influence too). he’s good at controlling himself, but it can make him seem detached and uninvolved.

i think chaewon would have an aquarius sun, gemini moon, capricorn mercury, aries venus, sagittarius mars, and leo rising. that aqua + cap combo means she has a very solid understanding of herself and will always strive to go on her best path. aquarius sun in the seventh house gives her a super strong, unique, sociable personality. her gemini moon is in the eleventh house, putting an emphasis on friendships. i mean, she’s such a girls girl lol! capricorn mercuries are so good at giving advice, and chae has that whole huge scene of her doing just that. capricorn mercury is also good at being responsible and looking at things with scrutiny when needed. it adds that extra depth and seriousness to her character. i gave her an aries venus because i just wanted some aries energy in her chart lol. she’s a bit of a leader type, very fearless and seeks fun. that’s also reaffirmed by her leo rising lol. leo risings are very enthusiastic and charismatic people. her sagittarius mars suggests that she takes action when she feels something’s not right, like how she offers mc to stay at her place when she learn abt her and beomgyu. she doesn’t have water in her chart, so it’s easy for her to separate emotion from things and look to logic instead (especially with that cap mercury).

this was actually super fun lol thanks for popping in again!! love to get my geek on. take care! 🫶

[none-shall-caricature-me]

On my taste in shows

I guess one reason why I've always gravitated towards media involving mercenaries, mafia, lone rangers, gritty cynical survival scenarios, and precipitous relationships with a core of longing attachment is because I find those easier to digest. In the worlds depicted, bonds are transactional but with clear - cut duties. You know that everyone may be out to get you, cheat you or backstab you - but there's no ambiguous promise of people being otherwise. These stories make it clear that at the end of the day, you're on your own. And any bonds you form are mutable and founded on a plaintive yearning for kindred spirits.

Whereas out here in my Masters of Business Administration field, lots of people are putting up fronts of being genuinely interested in getting to know you or hang out. All they're doing is assessing you, and then they discard you because you're not 'in' with them. People still look at me in befuddlement because an unassuming, completely naive, ultra rebellious girl like me somehow landed the most coveted internship here. Many think, and even say, that I didn't deserve it cuz I lacked field - specific knowledge. Others tell me not to fret, that these top companies look for teachable and pleasant hires with good enough brains and relatively prestigious undergrad colleges. Doesn't make feel like less of an impostor, or that they're saying it just to stay in my good books.

So as an inexperienced, jaded loner with very few friends, who needs to get her own life in order before she can even think of settling down with an in - group of her own, the media I consume embody a simpler life with clear - cut, all - business no - chaff social engagement. No false hopes or null pleasantries that don't amount to genuine compassion.

Over time I've realised that sadness and anger can be very illuminating - the only times I've taken concrete action to fix my life are when I've accepted bitter truths and warnings, allowed myself to steep in misery and uncertainty. As one hymn from my religion says, 'dukh daru, sukh rog bhaiya, ja sukh taam na hoye' (suffering is medicine, and pleasure is the disease. Where there is pleasure, there is no desire for God). Even though I'm pretty atheistic, it still fits because my idea of God is salvation, contentment and self - realisation. When I get absorbed in mindless binge eating, binge watching and even binge venting, the temporary relief makes me forget about fixing my problems.

Moreover, such media somehow exult uffering and loneliness to the status of virtue and coolness. May just be a cope, but hell yeah it makes me feel empowered.

I still remember how seen I felt when I read about Atsushi and Dazai's toxic, idolatrous, crutch - like relationship that nevertheless persists because Dazai gives Atsushi the exposure and worldly wisdom he never got as a wide - eyed self - flagellating masochistic martyr, who hopes his niceness and kindness will finally get him accepted by people. That if he just gives back as much as he can while taking up as little space as possible in other's lives, he'll be respected and cherished. But all that makes you irl is a self - destructive martyr whom people don't bother to help because they think you've got it all under control. You become an aspiration, a feeling, an emblem - not a friend or an intimate. Intimacy requires both sides relying on each other.

Unfortunately achievements and sacrifice don't bring you friendship or true love.

Somehow, this college has given me the confidence that I can make friends if I open up. And that atleast a few guys do like me. It's just that I'm awkward, pessimistic and rough - edged so it takes me time. But even if I die alone, I'm ready. Because the life I do spend by myself - I'll work to make it the best I can. I'll treat myself like a queen. And I'll help those who feel alone like I do.

[alltheotherblogs]

Months predated by years followed by weeks.

I've been under a lot of stress and pain for years from things that should honestly already be out of my life, but due to the government and law being corrupt, there is really nothing I can do to get rid of some of these things. Other things are caused by myself, by others, and by money. But, no matter how I look at it I still feel like I can't eat as much every day, and that drinking water is hard besides just the awful taste from the tap. The stress from years of my life that has never been remedied is just something I have to constantly live with, and it only gets worse day by day because of some of the most rotten evils in this world. My life is a spectacle to the Devil to see how long he can deliberately torment somebody before they finally get cut a break. Not that I'm Christian or anything, just thought it was a good analogy. Some times it really does feel like I'm in a perfect hell. I'm never able to do any of the things I actually want, and they aren't all that complicated either, it's just that the totality of circumstances makes the impossible. I'm missing the prime of my life all because of a corrupt world. I'd say "I wonder if this is how young men felt going off to fight in World War 2." But if I'm being honest, I'd enjoy war. I'm not kidding either. As cringey as it sounds, I'd rather be a mercenary at war than be here right now. Think about it this way; if nobody wanted to do it, why would anybody be a mercenary? It's definitely not for the pay. I'm just one of those people. Every time I've gotten the opportunity to enter into a fight with another person, those have been the best moments of my life. I want to travel long distances, fight great opponents in multiple fields of martial arts, and live out the life that I know I deserve.

This is a movie that, as a child, made me relate to the main character. So few movies so perfectly depict the kind of person I want to be as The Princess Bride. A man of style, class, intellect, and martial prowess. And the way he goes about showing others that he loves them is just so genuine. It's not like I grew up any particular way, being raised by any particular person or people, in fact I was basically raised by myself and that fit just right for me. But, I found it in myself to still become a pinnacle of what a person should be. Not some politic obsessed freak, not just another annoying face in the crowd, but someone with a high IQ and real potential and talent in the things I actually care about. And most of all, I still care about humans. It seems like we live in an age where everyone else has lost faith, and I understand that. But, losing faith is a cop-out. You just lost faith because you got tired of being disappointed every time you heard something you thought was bad. What are the actual chances of that thing you were disappointed in being actually bad though? Depending on the type of person you are, it probably wasn't as bad as you think. Sure if it was something ACTUALLY horrible, disappointment is fair. But if someone just has a different political belief than you that you disagree with, you have no right to be disappointed even if it is some obnoxious modern liberal. Even if you aren't Christian, a teaching from the bible is very important to being a better person and learning proper morality; "Love thy fellow man."

I think it's honestly been long enough, and something has to change soon. I can only gather all my determination to keep going so many times in my life. To say that I've been blatantly fucked over by things entirely out of my control is an understatement. I just want to go out and do combat sports on a competitive level, go to a job where I clean stuff, invent cybernetics, become immortal, and live a happy life. Four out of five of those things aren't that much to ask for, and I'm fairly confident if I complete the cybernetics step I can complete the immortal step. Either way, this is just a blatantly unfair and clownish world we live in where millions of people in the west are obsessing about fake non-issues that they are misinformed about instead of actually doing something to benefit society. Cry all you want, it doesn't make anything better. Pretend all you want that there is some kind of oppression against your specific people. It doesn't make anything better by pretending there are issues which don't actually exist, and it's blatantly narcissistic.

I'm thinking about actually pursuing combat sports even despite my impossible circumstances and lack of financed to get things like protein. I think I can make up for it all with my tremendous strength of will, (and incredibly thick skull.) The fact someone like me is still alive is a testament to just how much you should be afraid of me. Maybe I'll try to get a pro boxing license and start there, I'm not too big on all the wrestling holds, it's just too easy to get someone into an arm-bar and have them tap cause they don't know the tech to get out of it. To be fair that's more civilized than KOing a guy, but I'd still rather trade skillful blows than memorized techniques. You can fight for points all you want, fight to wrestle, fight for a knockout, I fight for fun, and I still haven't met a single person who can stand up to me in that regard.