#I can picture them running around but there’s just empty space there

[sootsz]

bagi, completely alone on an unfamiliar island, exploring the land, and yet the connecting thread of every new place that she finds arent from any other players. it’s in the signs still left over from the eggs, their words scattered across every part of the server, and she isnt alone because they are everywhere that she looks. by docks and by zoos and by favorite spots and places they only went once. little snippets of conversations with parents, lingering laughs. things they said to a sibling or a friend. the cemetery is still scribbled over with their thoughts. though they are gone they are haunting the narrative in every feasible way that they can

[biteyoubiteme]

sour apple flavored

taehyun x fem!reader

synopsis: someone or something is always waiting by your window at night, why not leave it unlocked and see what happens?

warnings: 🔞!!! incubus!taehyun, somno/dudcon , spit kink, spit as an aphrodisiac, oral (f!rec), overstim (f!rec), slight nipple play, marking, lots of kissing, mentions of masturbation, no protection, creampie, cum eating prob forgot some

wc: 2.7k

an: I don't know how well I did with the dream v reality mix but I tried sorry if it gets kinda confusing ;-; this is 100% inspired by devil by the window it was on repeat as I wrote it no explanation needed. ive never written something like this and I don't know if youll like it but I definitely had fun <3 not proofread sorry! feedback is appreciated :)) [m.list]

this is apart of my mini kinktober event check out the other fics here! [dumdum m.list]

The dreams always started the same way; like waking up with the sense of being watched. The moonlight coming in through the open window that you never remembered opening in the first place. Gauzy curtains rippling in the soft breeze cooling down your flushed cheeks. You never saw him standing there right at the edge of the windowsill until after you've sat up, bed sheets pooling around your waist as you rub at your eyes trying to get them adjusted to the darkness. 

It was always so eerily silent, the only sound coming from your gentle breathing. It's the slight tilt of his head at the sound of your sigh that makes you realize you're not alone. The shine on the little black horns on his head caught the silver moonlight, night air catching the strands of his hair on his brow. It's the curiosity in his eyes that keeps you from being scared, every slow blink taking you in like a wanting cat deciding if you're worth the time. 

You're sure it's a dream because no one has ever looked so beautiful, especially not any of the boys who find themselves lucky enough to make it into your bed. No, the only way you can describe him is otherworldly, born from your dreamscapes amalgamation of every desire you've craved in a partner. 

The tempo of your heart starts to pick up, flush deepening just eyeing him. It's what makes him smirk so subtly that if you hadn't been watching his mouth you wouldn't have realized his expression had changed at all. 

It was impossible to think about anything else but what it would feel like to run your fingers over his tanned skin. All his defined muscles on display for you. Images of you and him flickered through your head like you've already been here before, like he's been pressed against you in this very bed while you kiss along his chest and to his jaw. Your thighs clench swearing you can feel his hands on you even if he's only across the room, the ghost of his fingers trailing between your legs just barely brushing over the soaked fabric of your panties. 

That alone has you falling back to your pillow, hips jerking trying to meet the image halfway as if it's not in your imagination but a tangible thing you can reach if you roll your hips just close enough. You don't even have to reach down to touch yourself, your hands curling in your sheets as you watch him through hooded eyes. 

“Please,” it's a desperate plea so quiet you don't think he's heard you. But although he does not move from his spot by the window you can picture what it would look like if he did. Your legs spread like he was right there between them with his nose brushing up your sensitive skin closest to where you need him the most. And yet all he does is watch; the ghost of his imaginary touch so close before you're barreling into reality. 

The feeling of waking is similar to being feverish. Clammy skin and aching joints like you've been brought back to life instead of reminded that he's not real. But the feeling only lasts a few seconds before the lust washes over you again, eyes finding the empty space he should be and isn't. It's hard to fall back asleep, tossing and turning, craving a man who doesn't exist. The only thing that can satiate you is getting off to the thought of him, your climax better alone thinking of him than when you've ever been with someone else. 

This is one of taehyuns favorite ways to feed. the desperation is palpable as you work yourself up, your climax coming off you in waves when it finally crashes. you'll look over to where he should be blinking like it will make him appear and he's always so tempted to let you see him, knowing one kiss and you would be so willing. 

But he wanted you to feel tortured over not having him, so much so that the second he made himself known outside of a dream you wouldn't think twice before letting him take you for all you were. The chase was his favorite part; playing with his food like a cat with his little mouse, so unsuspecting. Of course he was not fully satisfied only watching but he knew the second he went in it would only be better because of the wait. 

Every night he was waiting by your window, watching the way you arched your back, hips sinking into the mattress, every sweet moan beckoning him. He watched the way his dreams affected you, that sweet serenity on your features when you saw him standing there begging him; beckoning him. 

He watches even when you're awake, the moon hanging in the inky sky as you work at your desk. You never open the window, at least not since he's started to come around. He remembers that first night he heard you, alone in bed trying and failing to get off, just his presence so close helped finally push you over the edge. Your eyes screwing shut, every sound leaving you intoxicating enough to bring him back. 

Tonight it's as if you can see him waiting, your eyes finding his spot over and over so much so  you get little work done at all. And then you open the window. 

It's not like he can't get in if you don't let him, it's just a rule he's set up for himself when around you. Waiting for something to break in the cycle before taking the next step and now your curtains are catching the wind; a white flag waving to call a truce to a game you didn't even notice you were playing with him. 

He swears he is only going to step inside and watch, let his dream work on you like it always did but as soon as he stepped to the edge of your bed he couldn't think of anything else besides putting his hands on you. 

Even in your dream he was so close to you, finally there at the foot of your bed instead of the window. Now out of the shadows you can make out more of his features, catching sight of the wings on his back, the inky black feathers always blending into the darkness. 

“Please, please,” each word a rock thrown at the broken window masquerading as his resolve. 

“You always look so pretty begging for me,” his knuckles running over your cheekbone, your head turning to try and chase the feeling. 

In reality he watched the way you mimicked the movement, the sheets of your bed tangled between your legs, rustling with each turn of your thigh. Soft hums breaking into sleepy words, “i-i want…” 

“Hum?” in the quiet of the room the hum echoed between you two. But even in your dream you could hear him. 

“I want you, i-,” he arched his brow as you cut yourself off but you were distracted by the pad of his thumb brushing under your eye, lashes fluttering as you lost your thoughts, “i need you,” 

“Do you?” his thumb followed the line of your nose dipping down to your waiting lips, tracing them like a memory. 

“Yes,” your head dipping just enough to be seen in reality. 

He leaned down over your sleeping form, his lips just ghosting over yours, your body mimicking the way it was in your dream trying to catch the kiss before he thought better of it. But being this close wouldn't stop him now, he had never wanted someone as bad as he wanted to have you. 

The second his lips pressed to yours it was like a blanket of calmness, knowing he would take care of you without any need for worry. But as much as you wanted more than a simple kiss he pulled away tracing his nose along your jaw and down your neck. Lips pressed to your hammering pulse, hand sneaking down to press against the fabric of your panties. You can feel his grin against your skin, fingers feeling along the wet outline of you, circling your clit. 

It's then that you wake up, for a split second your body tenses softening when he speaks. 

“Its okay,” he whispered, nose pressed to your ear, “there's no need to be scared i know exactly how to take care of you,” 

You reach out for him, tentatively running your fingers against his smooth warm skin, following the lines of his muscles. “Are you real?” 

He gives a soft chuckle nose dipping to brush yours, “more than real,” and this time he completely devours you in a kiss. 

Its an all consuming kind of kiss, your hands coming up to twist in his hair needing him closer, your legs spreading as he adds more pressure to your clit. When you open your mouth and his tongue touches yours you feel warmth spread from the contact. The taste of him makes you crave more, feeling feverish to keep as close as you can get to him. Even in the time that you dreamt of him you never felt a craving like this. This temptation has haunted you, reaching out for the apple night after night. 

Taehyun pushes your panties aside feeling along your slick folds; so much wetter after having tasted him, his saliva already working to make you needier. He kisses down your chest pushing down your tank top to swirl his tongue around your nipple, your back arching to push into him. He can feel your arousal coursing through your body, the hum of it right there under his hands, fueling him to keep going. 

He pulls away dipping his head down between your legs like you've wanted him to do after every dream you've had. His wet lips leave trails of kisses up your inner thighs before pulling your panties down all together.

The moan that leaves you the moment his mouth is on your clit is shocking. He licks up your wetness devouring you as you pull on his hair, hips jerking as you ride his face. And he lets you, moans sending vibrations through your core, one hand reaching up to tug on your nipple and the other wraps around your thigh to hold you open. He sucks deeply on your clit, your head rolling back, a silent moan leaving you before you're falling into your first orgasm. 

He knows exactly how much he needs to to lick to get you there, can feel and anticipate everything it would take. The feeling is a tidal wave over him, the rush of feeling fed for the first time in a long time. Not the little bits he's gotten from watching from afar, no, something that makes him even hungrier than he initially was before. 

He hums in the back of his throat, he pushes two fingers into you collecting your wetness watching the way when he pulls them out the strings of your arousal clings to them. “I love the way your body reacts to me, look at it,” he shoves his fingers into his mouth groaning, “you taste like you were made for me,” 

Your whine in response, knees falling open wider as you watch him push down his trousers. Just seeing the mere sight of his size has you clenching around nothing. “I don't know if-” 

“It will fit and if it doesn't i'll make it fit,” he leaves no room for questions, hand wrapping around his veiny shaft, beads of precum already on his tip. He's a sight to behold in front of you. The way the moonlight hits his tanned skin, makes the feathers on his wings shine, muscles flexing as he pumps his cock, kneeling over you like a fallen angel. 

He leans over you letting a droplet of his spit drop down onto your waiting cunt, the natural effect of the aphrodisiac already having worked on you but the more he added would make the experience more pleasurable. 

Hooking his hand into the pit behind your knee he pushes your leg up the head of his cock bumping your entrance before pushing through. Even just the tip feels like a stretch you won't ever be able to replicate. The soft whine leaving you turns into an open mouthed moan as he inches in. not even halfway in and you're feeling the pressure pressed against your gummy walls, your hands reaching out to grab at his arm, nails digging into his skin. “You're already doing so good,” he praises, pulling out just a bit before pushing in all the way. 

“Oh god-” you moan as he grabs your other leg and when you think you can’t feel him any deeper he's letting your legs catch in the crook of his elbows, pushing you legs wider, pushing in until you can feel him in your throat. 

“Look at that, you did so good taking all of me,” he leans down until his nose is brushing yours catching your mouth with his, “tell me does it feel as good for you as it does for me? So warm and inviting,” 

“yes,” you nod, feeling the weight of him as he starts to pump in and out of you. So far in you can feel him in your stomach taking control over your body. Your arms wrap around his neck, nails scratching down his back as he pounds into your wanting pussy. Hips knocking yours as he keeps up his pace. 

Taehyun didn't want to lose control but he's never felt this good while feeding. Every sound, every touch, the way you felt wrapped around him was sending him spiraling, a deep rumble rippled in his chest as he took over. Your orgasm builds in the pit of your stomach, white hot and uncontrollable. 

You can't even think straight anymore except that you don't want any of this to stop, not now, not ever. The echo of your skin slapping together a soundtrack to your pleasure, his lips sucking marks onto your extended neck as he muttered sweetly, “so patient waiting for my cock, touching yourself while you thought about me hum? Imagining what it would be like if I got my hands on your pretty pussy, what it would feel like if I circled your clit until you came,” and its like hestalking the dreams back into reality, the feeling of his fingers on you just like before without him ever touching you, tracing the lines of your body, rubbing your clit until you're seeing spots. You cannot tell what is real or not anymore before you feel yourself break. You're trembling as you cum trying to find anything to hold onto, scratching up his back as your pussy pulses, sucking him in, thighs trembling. 

It's the pure unadulterated lust pouring out of you and into him that makes his moan come from deep inside of him. His body stilling as his cock twitches, hips as close as he can get them to yours before he spills his hot cum deep inside you. He's never felt so much cum leave his body before, never knew what it felt like to be fully satiated when it came to a feeding. 

You're a whimpering mess as he pulls out, hips still jerking, pulse found right against your clit. You can feel your combined release sliding down your legs, puddling on the mattress as he gently kisses down your chest and stomach coming back down between your legs to look at how he ruined you. 

“You did so well for me,” he smiles, lips brushing your clit with each word as you try to scurry away from the overstimulation. But he's not so kind as to notice instead licking up your folds, sucking on your puffy clit watching the way you thrashed, tears right on the edge of your lashes until he pulls away. “I don't think I could have anyone better to feed from,” he grins, lifting himself up, wings spreading open behind him before he leans down to kiss you again, the taste of the two of you mixing on your tongue. “Would you like it if I came back again and again?” 

“Please,” 

🏷 taglist: @kissmekissykissme @bts-txt-ateez @apeachty @stwq2349 @isa942572 
@tomorrowxforever @beestvng @soobingf-blog @lovinjjong @lola-horore-553 
@cypher-03 @midnight-mochii @hueningwhy @choibeomning @soobinbunnie5 
@yunjinswifee @cupidtaehyun @bamgeutsz @prince-jjae @nessaassen02 @iluvhyukaa @mrsjohnnysuh

[dwaekkicidal]

Kiss it Better

˚ʚLee Know x Gn!readerɞ˚

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ summary: Minho has a rough day at the company and comes home exhausted, craving your loving.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ word count: <1k (~650)

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ warnings: nothing its just tooth rotting fluff

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ notes: double post because ty for 100 followers :3 also max this is ur fault (AGAIN LMAO) im so weak at the idea of this help

edit: MAX POSTED HER OWN VERSION OF THIS PLEASE GO READ IT

DO NOT republish or translate+post my work!

Not long after his messages, Minho waddles into your shared apartment. Kicking his shoes off and throwing his keys on the kitchen table without any care. You peak your head out of the bedroom at the sound of the front door closing. When his eyes meet yours, you see the deep scowl on his face, but his eyes soften immediately at the sight of you. You smile softly and make grabby hands at him before ducking back into the room to start the shower for him. In seconds he’s following you and undressing through the doorway, desperate to get his sweaty clothes off.

You wait patiently on the bed and scroll through your phone. It doesn’t take long for him to return in his boxers, towel drying his hair on his way to the bed. Your phone is quickly tossed to the side and you pull him into the bed with you, watching as he throws himself on his stomach and groans into the sheets. You hold back a giggle at the sight and opt to run your hands down his bare back. He shudders but you can see him physically relax when your hands lightly massage his upper arms. He turns his head to the side, looking back at you as much as he could without straining himself.

“You wanna talk about it? Let me take care of you tonight baby..” You whisper out, the softness in your voice making his eyes shutter close as he nods lightly. You swiftly move to straddle his thighs, placing a kiss on the back of his shoulder and trailing down very slowly as he speaks up. He goes on for a while, explaining how the new choreography they were learning was extremely draining, telling you about the argument he got into with one of the members, and whining about the quality of the dinner he had at the cafeteria. He goes into light details about every other little thing that chipped at his happiness for the day while you trail kisses down his bare back. Your soft hands massaging up from his arms to his shoulder blades and you hum in response to every experience he lists, placing extra kisses for each as a reward.

By the time he’s done telling you about his day, he’s all but a puddle underneath you. Eyes shut and muscles completely relaxed. You back away to sit up, softly dragging your nails up and down his back to keep the attention on him. A wide smile spreads on your face as your eyes catch one of the cutest sights you think you’ve ever seen. Soonie lays next to Minho’s face, licking his hand as he softly caresses his baby. Not far away, Doongie and Dori are laying near each other and sleeping against your pillows. You carefully reach for your phone and take a picture, before laying beside your boyfriend and Soonie.

“Feel better?” Your voice startles him, his eyes closed and breathes lighter than normal. He doesn’t bother opening his eyes to respond with a quiet “Mmmg..”

You get up and walk over to your closet to grab a blanket, not wanting to disturb any of them by going under the sheets. You pick the softest one you own before returning. Soonie is gone when you kneel on the bed and you could almost thank him for the chance to be close to Minho.

You lay your head on the empty space left on the pillow and watch as Minho drags himself up to you, shoving his face into your neck and wrapping his arms around you. Your hands trail through his hair, massaging his scalp softly as he drifts off.

The two of you fall asleep like this, tangled in each other. There’s a quiet “Thank you" and "I love you so much.” from Minho as he finally falls asleep. You respond with a soft kiss to his forehead, drifting off shortly after.

[katelynnwrites]

Here’s To Hoping You’re Worth All My Time (I Hope You’re Worth My Time) | Lea Schüller

warnings: some swear words, description of migraines in detail

word count: 4451

summary: five months after you and lea break up, you’re convinced you’ll never cross paths with her again. life has a funny way of bringing people back together though.

a/n: realised that if i want to read schülli fics, i have to write them so here we are 😊

The headache started somewhere in the middle of your third class.

Rather gingerly, you rub your temples and try to ignore the pulsing pain. Despite your best efforts, the pain continues to grow till it’s clear that you are going to have one of your full blown migraines.

You get migraines every so often but with have gotten better at managing them over the years. The combination of cutting out caffeine, medication and getting enough sleep have worked so that the truly bad ones, the kind that keeps you incapacitated for hours have become few and far between.

One hasn’t happened for a while and you suppose, with a wince that you were inevitably due for one.

Now that it’s happening though, it is all you can do to text your classmate and tell her you won’t be able to make the rest of your classes.

The bright glare of your phone screen makes your head ache more fiercely. With squinted eyes and more than some difficulty that you read her reply in which she hopes you feel better soon and that she will convey your apologies to the professors.

That being done, you try and fail to focus back on your current class. By the end of it, you are desperate to go home and just lie down with all the lights off.

Normally you would take the bus but today even the thought of it is too much. A ride sharing service would be the quickest way back to your apartment.

The ride itself passes in a blur, nausea has begun to affect you and you spend the twenty minutes back to your apartment concentrating on trying not to throw up.

When the driver drops you off at your apartment, you stutter out a quick thank you before you run up the stairs, taking it two at a time to get to your bathroom.

Just in time too because you gag uncontrollably, whatever is left of your breakfast coming up unpleasantly.

You stay beside the toilet, coughing until your stomach somewhat uneasily settles.

With watering eyes, you stand up shakily to rinse your mouth and then reach for the bottle of Eletriptan that usually sits on the shelf above your sink.

Except that your hand closes around nothing. Your migraine medication isn’t there.

You stare at the empty space uncomprehendingly until it hits you.

It’s at the place where you babysit. Sometimes the parents would pay you extra to stay overnight with their kids when they had late night work functions. Last week you’d stayed over and brought your medication over as a precaution.

The family is nice and you know they would have no problem bringing over your Eletriptan if you asked. The problem is that they are currently on vacation in France.

You can actually picture where you left your bottle of medication. On the counter of their guest bedroom.

Blinking back tears of frustration and pain, you bite your lip. You hadn’t gone through a migraine without medication in years. Especially not one as severe as this.

‘Fuck.’ You say out loud.

‘Fuck.’ You repeat and then do the only thing you can do.

Going into the kitchen, you get a glass of water and take it into your bedroom.

Thankfully, the blinds are already closed so you don’t have to deal with the bright sunlight making your head hurt more than it currently is.

You manage two sips of water and then toe off your shoes, collapsing into bed.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you exhale and inhale, slowly counting to a hundred and then eventually to five hundred.

Everything is okay, you attempt to convince yourself as you start counting from one again.

You ignore the fact that even with your pills, your migraine usually takes an hour to subside. There’s no telling how long it will go on without the medicine.

Another deep breath in and out. Over and over again.

Somewhere in between, you briefly entertain the notion of going to a pharmacy and getting some over the counter migraine medicine instead. But none of that stuff has ever worked for you and even if you are distressed enough to try, you know you are in no condition to leave the house.

At the very least, the fierce ache in your head has not gotten worse. It isn’t better either though. It still feels like someone is stabbing you right between your eyes and god it hurts.

It’s nothing short of excruciating but there is nothing you can do except to keep your eyes closed, remind yourself to keep breathing through the pain and hope for the best.

Then you remember.

You have another bottle of Eletriptan. The one you left at Lea’s place.

Against your will, salty tears slip down your cheeks. Fucking hell.

It’s not as if you can get to it. You’re not able to go over and beg. Even if you are willing to go to that length, your pride would never allow it.

Lea had told you to get out. So you did. The end.

Besides, your ex is probably away for international break or an away game of sorts. The chances are high that she isn’t even in Munich right now.

That’s what you tell yourself as another agonising hour crawls by.

It’s been three hours since you first got back and you don’t know if you can take much more. A particularly harsh throb hits and that makes your decision for you.

With a weak sob, you cave and reach for your phone.

The brightness level is on the lowest setting but the sudden glare still has you scrunching your face in discomfort.

Finding Lea’s contact is as much as you hate it, easy. For some unknown reason, you hadn’t yet been able to bring yourself to delete it.

Tapping on it before you can second guess yourself, you put the call on speaker.

It rings and rings. To the point where you think she won’t answer.

Right when you are ready to admit defeat, a voice comes through, ‘Hello?’

‘Lea?’ You whisper.

‘No sorry, this is Obi. Lea’s not here right now. Can I take a message?’

You hesitate. You remember Obi, Lea’s brunette best friend. She’d been nice to you back when you were dating but telling her that you are practically pleading with Lea for your much needed medicine seems far too personal.

A few seconds of awkward silence pass and then there’s some muffled noise on the other end.

‘Hi it’s Lea. Sorry I took a bit.’

You don’t actually need her to introduce herself. The sound of her voice is etched in your memory, as clear as day.

Pausing again, you wonder if you should really do this. Lea could be stubborn and closed off sometimes but she had never been mean. As bad as things had ended between you both, there is surely no way that the striker’s changed so much that she would be cruel enough to withhold your medication.

That is, if she hadn’t simply thrown it away.

You’re taking too long to decide because the blonde tries again, ‘Hello? Is anyone there?’

‘It’s me.’ You softly answer.

‘Oh.’

She didn’t sound angry. Or annoyed. You’d take that.

‘I-I’m not interrupting anything am I?’

Your ex exhales quietly, ‘We’re kinda in the middle of a gym session.’

‘Sorry I wouldn’t be calling but I-I really need your help. It’s sort of an emergency.’

You wait for her to reply but nothing comes through.

Then rather steadily she asks, ‘What’s the emergency?’

Swallowing the last of your pride you say, ‘Um…Could you please run back to your place and get something for me?’

‘You want me to leave training the day before a big game to go back to my apartment and get something for you?’ Lea slowly states.

Wincing, you forget she can’t see you and nod. It sounds far worse when she puts it like that. Resignedly, you accept your fate of burying yourself back under your blankets and trying your hardest to sleep this migraine off.

‘You’re right. It’s stupid. I’m sorry for calling, I shouldn’t have asked. I’ll just-’

Lea cuts you off, ‘What is it?’

‘What?’

‘What do you need me to get?

You blink in surprise, ‘My Eletriptan. The migraine medication I take. I left a bottle of it at yours and um, never got it back. I don’t have another one presently and I need it.’

The forward lets out a breath and it is enough to have you wondering what the hell you are doing. Asking your ex that you had a far from amicable break up with, for a favour?

Quickly backtracking once more, you rush out, ‘It’s alright. You don’t have to. I’ll figure something out.’

‘No. It’s okay. You need it. I’m assuming you’re at home?’

‘Yeah.’ You breathe, hardly daring to believe your ears.

‘I’ll be there in half an hour. Lie down and close your eyes in the meantime.’

‘Okay.’ You manage.

It’s all you can get out.

Like Lea had requested, you stay laying down and let your eyes slip close.

They fly open again at the realisation that the blue eyed woman is actually coming over. Your apartment is in dire need of a good tidy up, the stress of the past few weeks, no doubt a factor into today’s pounding headache have left you behind in your cleaning.

Lea will definitely see the state of your place, a sharp contrast to her own which had always been neatly organised in the past. You think about getting up and trying to get rid of some of the mess but even the mere act of sitting up makes your head spin.

So you lie back down and keep your attention on breathing through the pain. The Bayern Munich player is just dropping off your bottle of pills. It’s not like she is going to stick around so why should you care?

Except that you do. You have always cared when it comes to Lea Schüller. Such is your weakness for her.

But any sort of movement has your body protesting so you have no choice but to stay very still, not moving from your spot as you drift in your own head. One deep breath in…and one deep breath out.

Till a soft, ‘Hey.’

You automatically try to sit up, a sharp whimper tumbling from your lips as the resulting pain shoots through your head.

Lea’s hand grabs onto your elbow, steadying you and she murmurs, ‘Take it easy. Just stay where you are alright?’

Forcing your eyes open, you take her in as best you can.

The same brilliant blue eyes, lean athlete’s build and shoulder length blonde hair. Still absolutely gorgeous.

You blink up at her and she asks, ‘How long have you been like this?’

It’s hard to think but you make an effort to do so.

‘Since two this afternoon?’

Lea’s eyes widen and she curses under her breath in her native language.

‘You’ve been like this for practically four hours?’

You make a poor attempt at shrugging, ‘Did you...?’

The striker snaps back into focus, ‘Course.’

She reaches into her jacket pocket and there in her hand, is a very precious bottle of prescription medication.

‘Two right?’ She asks even though she is already shaking the correct dosage out onto her palm.

You simply nod, struck speechless by the fact that she remembers.

The blonde makes sure you are sitting up and then carefully holds out your pills, along with the half drunk glass of water from your nightstand.

Staying upright just long enough to accept the medicine and swallow it with a mouthful of water, you soon lay back down amongst your pillows.

‘Thank you Lea.’ You hoarsely whisper.

‘You’re welcome.’ She says, with an expression you can’t quite place.

The pain in your head pulses but you know that is not the reason why you can’t read her because if you are being honest, she’s always been somewhat of a mystery to you.

Breathing in once, twice and then thrice, you realise that contrary to your earlier expectations, the German woman is not turning to leave right away.

‘I’m really sorry to have bothered you. I hope your game goes well tomorrow.’ You offer eventually.

Lea just keeps looking at you with that same indiscernible gaze.

After a long minute, she replies, ‘Thanks and it’s fine. We were doing my least favourite core workouts anyway.’

The striker glances down at her phone, obviously taking note of the time before she adds, ‘I should be getting back though. Obi can only cover for me for so long.’

‘Right. Sorry again to have pulled you away.’

Still, your ex doesn’t make any move to leave.

Instead, she twists the ring on her index finger around a few times and then says, ‘I’ll come back after the session to check on you. It shouldn’t take more than two hours.’

Your mouth drops open in shock.

‘You don’t need…It’s okay. Once the meds kick in, I’ll be alright. You know that.’

After all, this is not your first migraine that Lea’s experienced. When you were still together, she would put your head in her lap and run her fingers through your hair. It was soothing and calming and the tiny featherlight kisses she used to press to your forehead never failed to make you feel better.

But that was the past and well…you can hardly ask her to do that now.

‘No I do know. It’s just that…you look like shit.’

Lea’s words are blunt and she folds her arms across her chest, blue eyes seeming rather challenging as she continues, ‘You’re going to need actual food coming off this migraine and I’d bet you don’t have anything of the sort lying around here.’

You frown, thinking of the instant noodles that make up your pantry.

It’s the only answer your former girlfriend needs because she repeats more or less of what she’d verbalised earlier, in a tone that leaves no room for argument.

‘I’ll be back in less than two hours. In the meantime, try to sleep.’

Then she’s gone. Disappearing just as suddenly as she’d appeared.

Too exhausted to try and figure her and what the fuck has just happened out, you bury your head under a pillow to block it all out.

You know the drill now. To get through a bad migraine, you need to stay very very still. Any movement would do you no good.

Count to a hundred, breathing in and out all the while. Reach five hundred, reset your counting and keep taking in deep breaths.

It takes another hour but slowly, the Eletriptan begins to work. Little by little, the headache recedes till you’re able to slip into a fitful sleep at last.

******

When you wake, your room is much darker than it was earlier. Not even the tiniest hint of sunlight peeks through your blinds.

After a few minutes, you decide that the pounding in your head has subsided enough movement to become feasible once more.

Sitting up warily, you catch sight of the time displayed on your alarm clock.

Abruptly, you remember that Lea has said she was coming back.

Wide awake now, you stop only to throw on a hoodie before opening your bedroom door. Someone is definitely here, you can see that your kitchen light is on.

Before you even get halfway down the hall, you smell something amazing…and familiar.

At the doorway to your kitchen, you pause just to look at Lea for a long moment.

For a fraction of a second, you wonder if your migraine had been so bad that you are coming up with new symptoms like hallucinations.

Then you dismiss the thought because food has never smelt so good. Not even in your wildest dreams.

She’s standing with her back to you, stirring a pot of what must be stew, made from her mother’s recipe.

She used to make that for you when you’d had a long day. The ensuing rush of nostalgia has you bracing a hand against the wooden frame of the door.

Your former girlfriend hasn’t physically changed much in the five months you have been apart, bar the new tattoo on her arm. Dressed in Bayern’s signature red training outfit and with her blonde hair pulled into a messy bun, she’s still all lean muscle, as tall and terribly attractive as she’s always been.

Now that your migraine has dulled, you are better able to appreciate exactly how stunning she is.

You watch her biceps flex as she begins to cut up some greens.

It was those well built arms that you had first fallen in love with. Not because of how fine a figure it gave her but because of how safe you had felt when she’d held you in them.

That’s all irrelevant now, swept to the side due to a more pressing issue. The one that is Lea Schüller standing in your kitchen.

Opening and closing your mouth, you manage to stutter out, ‘W-What are you doing?’

To her credit, the blonde doesn’t flinch.

Her voice is soft but sure when she answers without turning around, ‘Making dinner.’

‘I can see that…but why?’

‘Because you always feel like crap when you don’t have proper food coming off one of your migraines. The one you were having looked especially bad too.’

Two thoughts occur simultaneously. One, is Lea taking care of you? Two, what does this mean?

Detaching yourself from the kitchen doorway, you try to play off the way your heart rate is speeding up. Your head is spinning again, this time because of confusion instead of the headache.

‘You could have just dropped off takeout.’

Now, Lea deigns to look at you, stopping her cooking. Her eyes stay on you as she searches for something you don’t know.

She’s seemingly satisfied after a moment.

‘But I didn't, so here I am.’ She says evenly.

You don’t know how to answer that so you close the remaining distance to your little breakfast counter and take a seat there.

The German woman resumes her cooking and you find yourself questioning her ability to look so composed. How is she looking so at ease here, cooking stew in your kitchen, looking for all the world like the past five months hadn’t happened? Like you two had never broken up?

Neither of you speak again till dinner is ready.

You fetch bowls and spoons from your cupboard, Lea serves both portions.

Setting your bowl in front of you, the Bayern player sits down across from you for the first time in- well, five months.

Then she looks up, blue eyes that are as clear as crystals, meeting yours.

‘Lea…what are you really doing here?’ You barely audibly murmur.

The striker sighs, pushing her bowl away from her and leaning back into her seat.

‘The truth?’

After a long drawn out silence in which she runs her thumb along the handle of her spoon, a restless gesture of hers and you resist the urge to reach across the tabletop to soothe it, Lea admits, ‘I missed you.’

You let her words sink in, trying to work out how you feel about them. Lea had missed you. That means something doesn’t it? Do you want that to mean something?

The answer to that, is so obvious that you can’t lie to yourself. Of course you want it to mean something. You’ve missed Lea like crazy. Every single day since the split.

Your former girlfriend sets her spoon down, gaze downcast as she mumbles, ‘I should leave.’

‘No!’ You start to shake your head, then gasp at the pain that flares up when you do.

Massaging the sides of your temple, you say, ‘Please don’t go. Lea, I-I missed you too.’

A quiet puff of air leaves the blonde, ‘I wasn’t sure if you’d…moved on.’

‘From you?’ Your laugh comes out a touch bitter.

‘I didn’t. I couldn’t.’

Then a thought strikes you and you glance at the German woman furtively, ‘Did you move on?’

Lea blinks as if she had not expected you to ask.

‘I’m here aren’t I?’

Part of you wants to say, ‘Well…for five, nearly six months, you weren’t.’

The Bayern Munich player must sense it because she softens, ‘No. There hasn’t been anyone since. You’re…you. I don’t think there is any getting over you.’

You didn’t know how much you’d been afraid of a different answer till Lea said that. Actually, afraid doesn’t quite cover it, terrified would be a better description.

Relief courses through you so powerfully that you feel lightheaded with the intensity of it.

With how heavy the air is now, you force yourself to pick up your spoon and start on the stew. The last thing you need is to do something stupid like tell Lea you’re still head over heels in love with her.

The blonde takes the cue that you’re done talking for now and the only sound in the room is the clinking of spoons against the bowls.

As expected, the stew is delicious. It had always been your favourite even though Lea never made a meal that you didn’t like.

Like she knows you are thinking about her, the German woman glances up from her bowl, catching your eye and then smiling.

It’s a soft, gentle smile. Reminiscent of old times. Lea making you both dinner, Lea taking care of you after one of your migraines, Lea just being…there. Just constantly there, by your side and looking at you like she never wants to be anywhere else.

You wonder if this is going somewhere. Is this an olive branch or just closure?

Before you know it, your spoon is scraping the bottom of your bowl. The warmth and saltiness of the stew have done wonders and you feel much better.

Lea can see it too because she says, ‘There’s more in the pot if you’d like.’

With a small noise of thanks, you fill up your bowl with a second helping.

Sitting back down, you stir the stew around for a moment and watch the steam rise.

Tentatively, you ask, ‘How’s the football going?’

‘It’s good. The team is doing good. How’s university?’

‘Same. I’m just starting to look for job openings for after my graduation.’

Lea fiddles with her ring, ‘Are you still thinking about teaching?’

‘That’s lovely. It’ll suit you.’

‘I’m pretty sure I want to teach kindergarten.’ You elaborate.

The blonde nods, ‘That suits you too.’

You two fall silent again.

Biting your lip, you try to come up with something to say. It’s strange, almost sad how awkward things feel now. Once upon a time, you had been so comfortable with each other. You’d been open with Lea in ways you never had been with anyone else. It was mutual.

Have things changed so much? Is it possible for a way back?

‘Lea?’

‘Yes?’

‘I just…’ You stop messing around with your food, forcing yourself to look at her properly.

‘I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the things I said. The last time we saw each other, I said a lot of cruel and awful things that I shouldn’t have. I did not mean them and I’m really sorry.’

Lea puts her spoon down, ‘I’m sorry too. You weren’t the only one who said things she didn’t mean.’

Her words are genuine, you can see it in the bright blue of her eyes.

Taking a deep breath, you blurt out, ‘I still love you Lea. I wish we’d never broken up.’

Surprise colours Lea’s pretty features.

‘I wish we’d never broken up either. There’s not been a day where I stopped loving you.’

‘Oh.’ You breathe.

The forward goes on, ‘Letting things end after our argument was a mistake. A huge mistake, mostly on my part. I wanted to call. I should have called.’

‘I’m not blameless…I wanted to call too but you were so angry. I-I thought you didn’t want me to call. I thought that you’d never want to hear from me again.’

Lea rests her elbows on the table, leaning closer to you. Your heart begins to beat more quickly, you’re certain you aren’t misreading the flicker of hope in her expression.

Swallowing hard, the German woman murmurs, ‘You called today.’

‘I did. You dropped everything to come over. Made me dinner too.’

Blushing lightly, Lea murmurs, ‘I was sort of trying to make a grand gesture.’

You smile, ‘It worked.’

Lea begins to grin, ‘It did?’

Almost like she can’t help herself she asks, ‘Do you think…Can we give us another try?’

A hundred things rush through your mind. Happiness and relief blooms in your chest.

Eagerly, you say, ‘I’d like that.’

Lea’s smile begins to take on a giddy edge and she reaches an open hand out across the table.

You take it without a split second’s hesitation.

Lea closes her fingers around yours, gaze alight with affection and pure contentment. It is a look you’d never thought you’d see again and it fills you with a sunshine like warmth.

‘Finish eating my love.’ She finally says, gently letting go of your hand.

The term of endearment causes a tingle of joy to spread through you. Enough so that you don’t stop smiling for the rest of the meal.

When you’re both done, Lea washes and you dry. She flicks some soapy water at you, her giggles filling the space.

You’d missed it. You’d missed her. You tell her so and she pulls you into her arms.

Her chin rests on your shoulder and she whispers, ‘I missed you every single second of every fucking day.’

You breathe in her smell, taking comfort in it and the safety of her arms once again.

‘Let’s never do that again.’

‘Deal.’ Lea promises.

Then she seals it with a kiss and oh my…you’d forgotten what it was like to be in heaven.

Lea’s lips are incredibly soft, the kiss slow and sweet. It’s everything and more, better than you’d remembered.

When you both part, there’s a single tear making its way down your cheek.

In a tender gesture, Lea wipes it off with the pad of her thumb.

A small relieved laugh escapes her, ‘I think we’re going to be okay.’

You pull her even closer, mouth quirking upwards against your lover’s lips because you know now that you’re never going to let her go again. This is going to work, you’d do your damndest to make sure of it.

‘I think we’re going to be more than okay.’

[adviceformefromme]

YOUR RE-SET

So your life isn’t looking and feeling how you envisioned. You see the TikTok and IG girlies living that life. You dream about luxury travel, pilates on a Saturday morning, drinking overpriced green smoothies, driving a sexy car, and living your fullest most authentic life…But in comparison, you’ve grown to mostly hate spending time with your friends, you’ve out grown them and notice how much they complain about life and generally are low vibes, you’ve spent all of this months wages already, and still have 2 weeks left until payday so your bank balance is no way supporting the life you dream of, to add, your dating life is a mess not consisting of your dream guy that provides for you. No, instead it seems too much effort for him to message back, let alone take you to that sexy spa you’re dying to visit. So in short your life is a far cry from what you want. The life you’ve created right now is absolutely not what you would want for yourself for the next year, or even five years. So in order to completely shift from where you are to where you want to be. You need a fucking RE-SET. 

The re-set is basically your metamorphosis. Think of being the caterpillar, heavy, slow sluggish (currently you right now). In order to become a beautiful butterfly you need to completely transform, undo, take time to reorganise so you can re-emerge as nature intended. 

The Re-set might look slightly different for everyone so take what you need from this: 

2-3 months stepping back from the people around you. 

THE CORE ESSENTIALS FOR YOUR RESET - A DAILY PRACTISE  

Meditating daily to clear you mind so you can hear yourself, your own voice and drown out any external noise. (I recommend insight timer app, or mind app both for meditations)

A journal, to document your feelings and emotions, empty your thoughts, and a space where you can become your own best friend and create a connection with yourself. 

Movement. - you need to move your body this is KEY, you might pick up running, stretching at home, pilates, yoga, HIT, whatever it is just fucking do it. Your body needs the movement to replenish its energy and move you out of stagnation. 

Healthy diet. Less alcohol more greens. If it’s processed, if its fizzy, if its sugar, if its cake, if its chocolate, if its ice cream (you get the picture), cut that shit OUT. You need food that supports you, cleanses you, energises you in order to thrive and clear your energy. 

FAITH in something bigger than yourself. If you’re religious, great lean into your faith with prayer, scripture, faith music. If you’re not religious maybe you believe in the universe, the love all around you, faith in something unknown, something guiding you, protecting you, even if you believe this is part of your own psyche - lean into this. Your faith is your support system. Your faith is the unseen that will guide and protect you on this journey. 

The above might seem overwhelming, and it will be if you don’t already incorporate those things into your day already. The worst thing you want to do is try and do everything at once and feel disappointed when you don’t succeed. So start with one thing if that’s all you can manage and focus on doing that one thing consistently and then add from that. 

The purpose of the first 2-3 months is the cleansing. You want to start slowly removing what doesn’t serve you, and start creating space for yourself, your thoughts and visions so you have space to start planting new seeds of the life you want to live. 

What your first steps in your journey might look like: 

Saying no to going out for drinks with friends, instead you go for a long walks in nature listening to an empowering podcast, go home journal and meditate. 

Weekends might look like not seeing friends, maybe even family. Doing exercise, making healthy food, researching recipes, creating a vision board on Pinterest and doing a guiding meditation, affirmations and mirror work. 

Having a prayer practise, reading books/ passages that support you in your journey 

Deleting your social medias or even doing a detox day / weekend so you have a break 

PART 2 - COMING NEXT….(Here)

[golden-cherry]

deal - cl16 (26/?)

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader

Series Summary: Your whole life has gone to shit. Your boyfriend broke up with you, you just lost your job and the Monegasque, who suddenly stands in your doorway, claims that it’s his apartment.

Chapter Summary: Burning things is a good way to get rid of stuff. But perhaps you and Charles have more in common than you like.

Warnings: this is quite angsty (mentions of cheating, Annika and Raphael), fire (of course), some fluff

Word Count: 4.2k

series masterlist

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A/N: this is a long one. but well, I felt like it. there are some Easter eggs in this chapter, tell me which one you found! feedback is appreciated (as always, please and thank you!)

Since your newly purchased items have not made it any further into the apartment than the hallway, Charles' bedroom looks pretty empty. There are three large boxes next to the door, which gradually fill up the longer you stay in the room. 

"What about this?" you ask Charles and show him a pink candlestick that was recently on the windowsill. 

Your roommate pulls his head out of the closet. "Throw it away."

"Okay." You try not to trip over anything as you walk over to the door and place the item in the left box, which already contains a vase and empty picture frames. As you straighten up again, a shirt flies past your face before landing in the right box.

"Sorry," Charles mumbles, without taking his eyes off the clothes in front of him. 

"It's all right." You glance at the chest of drawers against the wall. "What about this?" you ask, pointing to the few books arranged by size on the dark wood. 

Charles sighs. "Just assume you can throw away everything in this room." Another item lands in the box on the right. 

Unsure, you bite the inside of your cheek.

The idea was to get all the stuff Annika left in the bedroom out of the apartment and - if possible - burn it in Jori's fire bowl, in the hope that Charles can have closure. The box on the left is for things that can't easily be turned into ashes, such as picture frames, candlesticks or small, empty flower pots. The middle one is for things Annika couldn't pack in her haste, like jewelry, clothes, electronics. She would come to collect them at some point. 

The box on the right is for flammable things. The pictures from photo frames, books, tickets from events the couple attended together - and the clothes Charles throws in. And it looks like they're his. 

"Can I ask why you're throwing away your clothes?" you ask timidly as you sit down on the bed. You run your fingers over the soft fabric, which will also end up in the right-hand box later. 

Charles pushes some empty hangers aside before taking a jacket off the hanger. "Everything in this room is from when Annika and I were a couple." He shows you the jacket. "I was wearing this the first time we went to the racetrack together. Our first public appearance as a couple." He throws the jacket towards the door before grabbing the next item - a sweater. "I wore this one on the first Valentine's Day. We went out for dinner and then to the movies."

You purse your lips. "And you want to get rid of all these memories? Even if they are nice ones?"

The sweater lands on the jacket before Charles turns to you and looks at you for the first time since you walked into this room. "That woman cheated on me. Took advantage of my trust and broke it." His gaze is rock hard. "Whoever she was to me, she doesn't deserve to have her memories here. I want to put it all behind me. I want to be free."

You see a sad glint in his eyes, which you don't address. Instead, you get up from the bed and begin to sort out everything that's still lying around into the boxes, while Charles pulls one item of clothing after another out of the closet. 

Apart from a little rustling and your footsteps, the room is silent. You want to give Charles his space, give him the peace and quiet he needs to sort out his thoughts and really come to terms with the relationship. The fact that he has asked you to help him with this warms your heart. Because even though you've only known each other for a short time, he's the person you care most about. The person you would run to immediately if your life went down the drain. The person you can tell everything to without being judged. 

You seem to be that person for Charles too - the person he can trust without having to worry, the person who would help him bury a body - this feeling warms you from the top of your head to the soles of your feet. 

"I think that's it," Charles finally interrupts the silence and closes the now empty closet behind him while you remove the cover from one of the two pillows. His gaze wanders from your face to your hands. "You don't need to do that. We'll put the bedding in a big bag and then it can all go."

"Are you sure?" you ask uncertainly, but put the pillow back on the bed. 

"Very sure. I don't want to sleep in a bed she slept in or cover myself with a blanket she slept under. I just want to put it behind me."

"Okay." You walk around the bed and put in the clothes that missed the box. "Which car do we take? My Renault is still at the old place and your Ferrari won't fit the stuff." Besides, it would be too conspicuous and you don't want us to be seen in it together.

"There's an old car of my brother's downstairs in the garage. It's bigger than the Ferrari," he calls out from the hallway, where he's rummaging around in one of the cupboards before entering the bedroom again. In his hand he holds a huge blue plastic bag from a Swedish furniture store. "If that's not enough, I've got another one."

It's not enough. The bedding actually has to be divided into three different bags until the bed is empty except for the mattress. As Charles stands at the front door, one bag on each shoulder and a box - containing the last bag - in his hands, he peeks past it. "Can you open the door for me, please? I'd like to take the things downstairs."

As packed as he is, you have to stifle a grin. The Monegasque looks like a pack mule. "You can walk several times, you know that? Then you won't be straining your shoulders."

Your flatmate blows a strand of hair out of his forehead. "No way. I'd rather fall down the stairs before I have to walk twice."

As you open the door and press the elevator button for him, you just shake your head. "Then it's a good thing there's an elevator here. You'll still have to go a second time."

While Charles takes the things to the underground garage, you put the other two boxes by the front door before you go in search of another large bag. As Charles has already used all the available bags from the hall cupboard, you have no choice but to take a bin liner from the kitchen. As you hear him grab the second box, you poke your head out of the kitchen. 

"I'll bring the other box in a minute. You can wait downstairs by the car, okay?"

"All right," he replies and puts the box on his hip. "It shouldn't be that heavy. It's just the picture frames and stuff in there." He smiles at you. "See you in a bit then. But hurry up."

You roll your eyes, which makes him laugh before he disappears with the box in his hands. When you're alone, you walk from the kitchen into the living room, where the red roses that Charles must have forgotten are still on the white piano. You carefully put them in the bag, taking care not to tear the thin plastic, and then tie it up before dragging the bin bag into the hallway and putting it in the box.

The roses make the box much heavier than expected and when you arrive a few minutes later, panting, in the underground parking garage where Charles is already waiting to meet you, you are glad when he takes it off your hands. 

"What's in there?" he asks, pointing to the bag after placing the box in the trunk of the silver car.

You shrug your shoulders. "I found this. We can burn it if you like," you simply reply and drop into the passenger seat while Charles closes the trunk. 

The drive to Joris is shorter than expected and although it's not too late, the sky is already turning red, as if the sun is about to set. There's some song on the radio that you don't know and Charles isn't humming along to. As he finally steers the car through the familiar narrow alley and then pulls on the handbrake in a parking lot, the front door opens and Joris enters the courtyard. 

"Hello, you two," he greets you as you get out of the car. While he shakes Charles' hand, he presses a kiss to your cheek, first on the left and then on the right. "You said on the phone that you wanted to burn something?" He rubs his hands together excitedly. 

Your roommate nods and opens the trunk. "Not only that." He takes one of the boxes - the one with Annika's belongings - and hands it to his buddy. "I'd like to leave them here, if that's possible. I don't want to see Annika again and I'd be incredibly grateful if you could give her her things back."

"Of course," he replies and takes a look in the trunk. "What about this?" With a nod, he points to the box with the picture frames. 

"This," Charles begins the sentence before grabbing the box and walking over to one of the garbage containers that must belong to Jori's house. Without giving it much thought, he dumps the contents into the garbage can before rejoining you to take the three bags of bedding and throwing them into the container as well. "'Is garbage. We'd like to burn the rest that's left there."

"The firewood and fuel are already ready."

The boys carry the things upstairs and you follow them. When you arrive at Jori's apartment, you close the door behind you while Joris puts the box with Annika's things in a room and Charles walks towards the rooftop terrace. You open the door for him and he smiles gently at you as he walks past you towards the fire bowl, which already has some wood in it. 

A little later, Joris joins you, a small canister of gasoline in his hand. "You'll need this. Please don't burn yourselves. I've got a quick online meeting coming up and no time to drive you to the hospital." 

"Thanks, man. I appreciate that," says Charles as he takes the burning liquid from his buddy's hand. As Joris disappears, Charles pulls an outdoor couch sitting in a corner near the fire bowl. "In case it takes longer. Then we don't have to stand the whole time."

While Charles lights the wood, you take the garbage bag with the roses out of the box and put it next to the couch. "Would you like something to drink?"

Charles looks up from the small flame snaking around one of the logs. "There should be cans of Coke in the fridge. And there should be some sweets in the cupboard in the living room." When you look at him in astonishment, he grins. "Go ahead and help yourself. Joris has already eaten my entire fridge once when he was drunk."

"Okay." You leave him alone on the roof terrace and go searching. You actually find the cans in the fridge, two of which you take and put on the living room table so you can rummage through the cupboard for something sweet. You find fruit gums, some chocolate - which you probably shouldn't bring anywhere near a fire - and a bucket of popcorn, which you tuck under your arm. 

When you return to Charles with your hands full, he laughs. 

"What?" you ask, confused, as he takes the bucket from you. "You told me to help myself. And that's what I did."

"That's right." He motions for you to sit down on the sofa. As he sits down next to you, he nudges his knee against yours. He opens his can of Coke and you do the same. "Here's to the future." He holds his can out to you.

You clink glasses with him. "To the future."

After a few minutes, the fire burns brightly and warms you on this beautiful winter evening and Charles pokes around in the wood with a poker, which apparently belongs to the fire bowl, before grabbing the box and placing it between you on the couch. The fact that there's this physical distance between you both bothers you more than it should. 

"Two years for nothing," Charles says as he pulls out the first picture. It shows him and Annika lying on the beach and smiling at the camera. He throws it into the fire. "For nothing, for absolutely nothing."

"Don't say that." You watch as the flames engulf the photo. "You learn from relationships. No matter how long they last."

He throws a piece of paper into the bowl. It looks like a concert ticket. "And what have I learned? How to be cheated on without realizing it? I definitely didn't need to learn that." His tone is cold.

You suppress the urge to roll your eyes. When you take your eyes off the fire and look at him, his features are soft. He looks hurt. You purse your lips. "How did you find out?"

"I caught them." As you stare at him open-mouthed, he shrugs. " I was actually planning on flying from race to race, but my gut told me to fly back home." He has to swallow. "When I walked through the front door, there were already shoes there that weren't mine. And when I walked towards the bedroom, I heard them."

You raise an eyebrow. "They were doing it in your bed?" No wonder he doesn't want to keep the bedding or the bed. 

He nods weakly and throws one of his shirts into the fire. "I knew exactly what was behind the door and yet it broke my heart when I actually saw it. It wasn't much, but enough to know that it could never have been that 'it's not what it looks like' thing."

You hand him two plane tickets, which he throws away without looking at them. "And then?"

"She wanted to talk to me, begged me to stay with her and said how sorry she was. But I didn't want to hear any of it. I just turned around and left. I couldn't look her in the eye."

"I can understand that," you answer him quietly. 

"I think if I had really loved her the way you do in relationships, I would have thrown her out of the apartment straight away. But when I left and created distance between us, I racked my brains as to why she did that. And it was all over the internet that a lot of people do it because they feel neglected by their partner and are looking for closeness with someone else."

"And that's why you felt so bad that you allowed her to continue living there?" He nods. Another couple of photos land in the flames and catch fire. "Did you know the man?"

He shakes his head in response. He fixates on a burning log as if he doesn't want to look at you. When he does, his gaze is full of the kind of pain and hatred you've only ever seen on his face once before. As you remember the situation, your heart breaks. For both of you. 

When you answer him, your voice is no louder than your breath. "It was Raphael."

Your stomach clenches so tightly that you feel like throwing up. That's how Charles knew where Raphael worked. Something you've forgotten until now. Something is pounding behind your eyes and it's only when a tear runs down your cheek that you realize you're crying. 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." Charles' voice is soft and through the veil of tears you see his hand twitch, as if he's struggling to take you in his arms and comfort you. But there's this stupid box between you. And you've never felt so lonely. 

"Y/N..."

"Don't," you say quietly and without thinking about it, you reach into the box between you, grab everything you can with one hand and throw it into the fire in front of you. You watch as Annika's face burns. You throw a second handful into the fire bowl. This time it's his jacket. "That bastard."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'd rather kill them both."

A faint smile spreads across Charles' face. "I'm afraid that's not possible. Although I've thought about it before. But I'm afraid that I won't be able to drive my super-fast car if I'm behind bars."

"What if I take over for both of us?" 

"I think the prison clothes would look good on you, but the visiting hours are definitely a pain in the ass and I couldn't stand not seeing you every day," he says gently and reaches for the now empty box, which he now places on the floor next to the couch. Then he pulls you into his arms. And from now on, it's not the fire in front of you that warms you. 

You stare into the fire for a while, feeling Charles' arm around your waist and his cheek on the top of your head. "Are you going to tell me what's in that garbage bag?" 

"Oh." You straighten up, dumbfounded, and lean over the backrest to pick up the bin bag. As you turn back to Charles, his gaze quickly flickers back to your face. "This morning - after your mother visited - we were sitting together in the living room and you couldn't stop staring at the piano. But it wasn't the piano, was it?"

He shakes his head and as you untie the knot of the bag, he takes a peek inside. "I'd totally forgotten about that just now." 

"That's what I thought. That's why I brought them." You pull out the letters of roses and place them next to you on the couch before handing him the first one. While he throws the first rose into the fire, you open the bucket of popcorn and snuggle up to his side again. 

"Annika gave it to me for our second anniversary," he explains, before opening his mouth and looking at you expectantly. As you pop a few pieces of popcorn into his mouth, he grins at you. You ignore the fact that your fingers are tingling where they touched his lips: "I don't even like roses. I think they're too hackneyed and the most unimaginative thing you can give someone to show that you love them."

"So a gift without really making an effort," you continue his thought. "And what are your favorite flowers?"

When he looks at you, his gaze is warm and there's a sparkle in his eyes that you can't quite put your finger on. "Peonies."

You feel the warmth shoot into your cheeks and turn your gaze away from him. He throws more roses into the fire and you continue to pop popcorn into both of your mouths as the flowers burst into flames in front of you. You hope that this action is as cleansing for him as it is being said all over the internet. You hand him the second letter, which he can burn in peace, before standing up and taking his empty Coke can. "I guess you need a new one?" 

His grin is wide. "Yes, please."

You disappear into the kitchen, where you leave the can on the counter and take a new one from the fridge. As you go back to Charles, you bump into Joris, who is just coming out of one of the rooms. "How did your online meeting go?"

"Pretty good," he replies and walks past you into the kitchen to take another can from the fridge. You stop in the doorway. "It was just about familiarizing myself with my new job, which I start in the New Year."

"That's right," you reply and raise your eyebrows. "You said you'd been offered a job. Are you already looking forward to it?"

"Very much. I can hardly wait," he replies as you walk towards the living room. You can watch Charles through the window as he continues to set the roses on fire. "Was that your idea? With the whole burning thing?"

You nod. "Yes. I burned my ex-boyfriend's things too when I found out he'd cheated on me. Only I didn't have a big fire bowl."

"Then where did you do it?"

You shrug your shoulders. "In the kitchen sink."

Joris has to laugh before he nudges yours with his shoulder. "Your friendship is good for him. He's never opened up to anyone as quickly as he did with you. I'm starting to think I need to worry that you're taking my place as his best friend."

"Haha. You two have known each other for ages. I don't think I could ever get in the way, even if I wanted to." You have to smile. "But Charles is definitely my best friend. There's nothing I wouldn't want to share with him."

"It's nice to hear that you're good for each other." He smiles at you. 

"Do you want to come outside?" you ask him as you walk to the patio door. 

Joris waves you off. "You go and do your cleansing thing. But please don't burn down the sofa. That's sacred to me."

You stick your tongue out at him and grab the blanket hanging over the back of a chair before returning to Charles, who has now reached the last letter. You hand him the Coke and spread the blanket over your knees. The sun has set, but the fire in front of you is so bright that you have no problem seeing his beautiful face. 

"Do you think she would have cheated on me too if I had been a better boyfriend?" Charles asks quietly at one point, without looking at you. 

"I don't know."

He thinks for a moment. "She said that everything in my life revolves around Formula One. That I don't notice what's going on around me. And that I was never there for her like a boyfriend should be. And that she had to share me with the whole world." As he turns to you, you see tears glistening in his eyes. "You said you were sure there was someone out there for me who wouldn't find my job too hectic. Who will support me no matter how hard it gets."

You turn to him and put your hand to his cheek to make him look at you. A tear rolls down his cheek and you wipe it away with your thumb. "I have. And I mean it."

He licks his tongue over his lips. "You also said that there's a person out there for everyone. A soulmate with whom you can share everything. With whom you don't have to pretend and can be who you really are." You feel his arms wrap around your middle and before you know it, you're sitting in his lap. 

You wrap your arms around his neck so you can hold him tight. 

"So you think there's someone else out there for me? That I haven't missed my chance at love?" You feel his warm breath on your face and how much you want to kiss away the tears that escape his eyes. Take away all his pain. Show him how much he means to you. 

But now is not the right time. Someday. Maybe.

"I promise you that." 

You watch him throw the last rose into the fire. In an instant, the red blossoms catch fire, the stem begins to glow and before you know it, this last piece from a time Charles wants to forget at all costs disappears and turns to ash. 

His grip on you tightens. A sign for you to turn towards him. When you look at him, his cheeks are wet, but he doesn't look sad. The smile on his face is honest and genuine and so loving that you can't help but return it. 

He would love to put his hands on your face and kiss you until you can't breathe. To feel your lips on his, your skin on his and tell you how important you are to him. How much he craves you and that everything he feels for you goes beyond the limits of friendship. But the only thing he does is grab your hand with his and squeeze it twice. Maybe you'll understand. Understand why he always squeezes twice. 

The right time will come. Someday. Maybe. 

When you look at him, with tears in your eyes and a warmth that makes his heart stumble, he has to swallow. He's never been as grateful to anyone as he is to you. 

"I'm free."

[gummilutt]

Autonomous crafting for all teen+ Sims

I've never before been so happy to share a creation! Get ready to get crafting, because it's about to get autonomous! Released today in collaboration with the wonderful @joplayingthesims who has built a community lot for the mod, seen in the pictures below. Exciting!

In my game, I have a community lot with crafting stations for Sims who can't afford one, or don't have space for one. But as I visited it recently with one of my college students wanting to learn flower arrangement, I got a bit depressed by all the empty stations and the other visitors just standing around chatting. I wondered if anyone had added autonomy, and I came upon iCad's autonomy enabler. While neat, it only adds autonomy for the active household which is the opposite of what I wanted. So I made my own that enables it for visiting Sims as well, only to quickly realize how annoying that got. All these Sims asking me to pick a recolor for them, blergh! So I went on tweaking, fixing the annoyances as they came up, and here we are! Finally it is possible to have a lively crafting studio where all Sims participate, without being annoying for you the player! Are you excited? Because I am excited!

What does the mod do? - Enables autonomy on "make many" and "continue" (see readme for more info on why not make one) for all five original crafting types - Robots, toy making, flower arrangement, pottery and sewing - Does NOT charge your Sims money for background Sim crafting. Money sounds and visuals show for all Sims, but only your current households crafting charges household funds. - By default only autonomous on community lots. Has optional autonomy on residential/apartment lots, you can enable autonomy on those lot types by placing the Autonomy Toggler object somewhere on the lot (custom object made using parts of the FT crafting clutter, found in hobbies/misc for 1 simoleon). I set it up this way as residential autonomy sounds irritating to me, but I'm all about flexibility for the user. Perhaps you want to run arts classes at your residential playable school, or you simply like autonomy more than I do :) Please note that autonomy advertisement is tuned with community lot use in mind, so it might be higher than you'd want for residential. If there's interest I am happy to make a second version with lower advertising for those who primarily want residential use. If you are somewhat familiar with TTAB edits yourself, you can try changing attenuation code to low or medium to limit advertisement distance which will reduce appeal to Sims. VER 2: Toggler object now also works on community lots, turning off autonomy if present on community lot. Residential/apartment behavior remains the same as before. - Fixes annoyances with background crafting, such as selecting recolors and pop ups about progress - Changes inventory mechanics to allow for owned studio-type use, in case you'd like a friendly owner Sim present to provide instruction. Crafting now only goes to business lot owner if done by an employee, otherwise crafting Sim gets the object. Includes home business, so if it bothered you that family members don't get to keep their work, this also fixes that. If that part annoys you, see readme for how to remove this feature.

Download mod on simfileshare | Download ver 2 on simfileshare (New version out, fixing a bug reported by Nemertes. More info here)

You might say "Okay well fun for you Gummi, but I don't have a community lot with crafting stations, so why would I need this?". Well fortunately Joandsarah has the solution for that problem! Check out the cute crafting studio she built to give all of you a place to start community crafting! Available on MTS

Conflicts: Only known conflict is iCad's original autonomy enabler, you have to pick if you want hers version of autonomy, or mine :) Readme contains breakdown of the functionality of all parts, to help you decide a load order should you encounter conflicts. It should be possible to resolve conflicts though if there are any others, so please report them to me :)

Credits: @joplayingthesims for collaborating with me and providing a lot that you can get started with if you don't have one, iCad at @dramallamadingdang for the original autonomy enabling mod, @cityof2morrow who helped playtest the mod

If anyone else builds a community lot intended for autonomous use, I hope you let me know somehow so I can add links to it in my post :) If any other modders see ways to improve on what I did, please feel free to do so :) I am hoping to eventually post an update that sends all crafting to inventory to fix the make one issue, and the station clogging that happens over time.

[citrustan]

hello , can i request a drabble wherein oc finds out that their husband politician Namjoon is having an affair with his secretary? like, oc found Namjoon was cheating when oc was watching the news and there are photos of the affair and a recorder phone call of the affair wherein the secretary was talking bad about the oc and Namjoon was just chuckling. thank u in advance ❣️

aaaa i'm excited to write this one, thank you for sending it in!

all eyes on you (knj)

pairing: namjoon x reader

genre: angst!! husband!namjoon x wife!reader, mayoral candidate!namjoon x housewife!reader. i imagine namjoon to be older than oc.

warnings: infidelity! oc will be trashed a little ok. you have been warned. the contents of this story quite literally replicate the anon's request. please don't read it if you find the topics offensive and/or unappealing. oh u guys r gonna hate me,,

The living room was quiet, save for the soft hum of the television in the background. You weren't really watching anything in particular--- just letting the flicker of images fill the empty silence around you.

You were perpetually tired.

Your mind wandered, lost in the routine of another evening spent waiting for your husband to return home from wherever he was.

It's not just this though. Namjoon had been distant lately, buried in meetings and late-night phone calls, but you had brushed it off as just part of his life as a politician.

This was the price of being married to a man like him, or so you'd tell yourself.

It was peak campaigning period. Namjoon was running for mayor. So it wasn't out of the ordinary for him to pull all-nighters.

Yet, you couldn't help but stay up for him anyway.

Unintentionally, you switch to a news channel.

Normally, you'd prefer to stay far away from anything to do with politics, as ironic as it sounds with you being married to such an ambitious politician. But, you yearned to feel closer to him, and the news channel his (and sometimes your) name(s) frequented on was the only way for you to satisfy this urge.

You sat on your luxurious yet cold, leather sofa and zoned out, staring into space.

And, oh, what a choice that was.

“Now in. Breaking news on mayoral candidate Mr. Kim Namjoon...”

Just like that, your attention snapped back to the screen when the news anchor mentioned your husband's name. Your heart skipped a beat or two.

In only a second, a thousand thoughts crossed your mind, hundreds of scenarios where he'd hurt himself, or been hurt, maybe his opponent backed out and he was pronounced mayor right this instant, maybe his opponent was hurt, or maybe he was advocating for yet another controversial decision.

Not even close.

What followed wasn’t about a new policy or a political scandal--- it was something way worse.

Photos. Of him. Your husband. Kim Namjoon. With her. His secretary. Bae Joohyun.

They weren’t just working. The pictures showed them at some dinner, leaning in close, laughing in a way that made your stomach churn.

They looked too comfortable, too familiar, as if this was second nature to them.

How cliché.

It felt like the ground beneath you had cracked wide open, eager to swallow you up and wipe every trace of your existence.

It felt like time had stopped. The air around you was stagnant. You couldn't hear anything but a high-pitched ringing in your ear; until what the channel displayed next.

The screen transitioned to a recorded phone call.

You hadn’t realized you were holding your breath until you heard Joohyun's voice, dripping with smugness.

“I don’t know how she doesn’t see it. Honestly, it’s almost pathetic,” you hear the woman sneer. “She’s too busy playing the good housewife while you’re here with me. I mean, what does she even bring to the table? It's not like you don't have staff handling your home.”

You don't even have time to digest the attack on you because what came next completely shattered you.

Namjoon's laugh.

It wasn’t just a polite chuckle, not something he gave when uncomfortable. It was genuine, full of warmth--- the laugh you used to think was reserved just for you, not against you.

“She’s a bit clueless, isn’t she?” Your husband murmured, amusement clear in his voice.

The remote slipped from your hand and hit the ten thousand dollar carpet with a dull thud.

Your mind was racing, trying to make sense of it, but nothing could explain what you had just seen and heard. All you could think was a mix of 'Namjoon' 'he hates me' 'what went wrong?' 'how could he dare to do this?' 'Joohyun was so nice to me' and 'I want to lie down.'

The man you loved, and cherished, the man you trusted, had betrayed you. And worse, he had laughed at your expense, as if you were nothing more than a convenient joke?

You can't even begin to feel the humiliation of the news being broken to you by TV emission, because your husband's betrayal had struck you so hard, all your thoughts surrounded only him.

Yet another irony; the news of his betrayal was broken to you so publicly, yet you were so, so lonely.

You can feel your cheeks and ears heating. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, but you don't cry.

Not yet. You don't know why.

Instead, you continue to sit there, numb, as the rest of the world kept spinning around you.

The hours (two hours) blurred together as you sat in silence, staring at the news segment on repeat.

There was no new information. Just the commentators discussing your life. They had managed to dig into your and Namjoon's past. Then his secretary/mistress' as well.

Yeah, she had been promoted to 'Mr. Kim's mistress.'

They discussed, and agreed with Joohyun's take on you being a lousy wife to Namjoon. How Bae Joohyun is a better fit for him. Then another counter argument stating you were 'the perfect, submissive, wife material' for Namjoon.

They went into detail about Namjoon's past relationships, then moved on to scrutinizing every single interaction he had with a woman since your marriage being made public.

Then, they brought on more guest stars on the show to react to your husband's leaked voice recordings.

You felt hollow, with every heartbeat punctuated by that same mocking laugh playing in your head.

All your devices, phones, iPads, landlines, had been vibrating and ringing non-stop. You wonder if any of those are from Namjoon.

It wasn’t until the door clicked open and you heard Namjoon’s familiar, hurried footsteps that you finally snapped out of your daze. He was almost stomping the floor. Following close behind, you hear another unmistakable 'click-clack' of a pair of high heels.

Your husband stormed in, his tie slightly loosened, looking weary from another long day, along with his fucking secretary, who looks equally fatigued.

He tries to talk, “_____."

Instantly, you shoot him down, "Don't even." You stood up with false-fervour. Not wanting to hear from either of the traitors, you turn to rush to one of the guestrooms.

Before you turned, you caught Joohyun rolling her eyes, her lips pursed in annoyance.

The woman looked more irritated at being dragged into this mess than remorseful. That was the last straw.

You don't quite remember what happened next. You were suddenly so fired up. Your brows furrowed, and your tears had clouded your vision.

Without thinking, you grabbed the nearest thing--- your fluffy house slipper, and hurled it straight at the secretary’s head pulling a stupefying gasp out of your husband.

"What the fuck?!"

note: this hurt to write kinda until i made her throw a slipper at joohyuns head :( ofc this is also kinda raw and unedited bec (you know it) lazy.

do you guys want a follow-up?? perhaps a confrontation? you'll have to be vocal abt it if you do... so talk to me u clowns 😡

BTW i love bae joohyun, i just think she'd be a perfect villain for this story. smart, sexy, bitchy, and intimidating.

[writeaboutit]

Silly Abby Candy’s for Kids

Abby tries sneaking candy before Halloween and reader is not having it

Hellooo I’m in the mood to write some halloween themed stuff the rest of this month so stay tuned for a couple more stories!! Anyway just quickly wrote this which means there are deff mistakes on there. I’ll do my best to edit as I catch them but sorry in advance. Hope you enjoy!!

Warnings: Mainly fluff, tini tiny bit suggestive

Part 1: Donation Boot

Part 2: Damn the Chief

You grabbed yours and Abby’s dinner plates off of the dining room table and headed into the kitchen to deposit them in the sink.

Abby followed suit rolling up the place mats and grabbing both wine glasses, now empty.

There was a warm ember in your stomach from the alcohol just waiting to strike into a roaring fire.

At the sink you quickly rinsed the lingering bits of food off of the plates and slotted them into the dishwasher.

Before you could walk away from the sink however you hips were pined to the counter as Abby moved into the space behind you.

You giggled at her closeness, constantly feeling like a bumbling teenage version of yourself around her.

Your wife however acted if nothing was out of the ordinary. She went about her business swirling a bit of water in the bottom of the glass to rid them of the dried red line and placing them ever so gently onto the top was rack of the appliance.

Chills broke out across your neck as you felt her warm breath fan across your shoulder with each movement. This was seriously not helping the alcohol buzz.

You needed to clear your head before you both got distracted and wasted the rest of the night away. The idea of it was too enticing. Dangerous.

You bumped your bum back towards her hips, “Give me some space Anderson,”

She chuckled and placed a quick peck to your cheek, “Never Anderson,” though she complied and backed up and leaned against the opposite counter.

Next to her sat a big black bowl, or not really a bowl you guess, more of a cauldron. In it was mini individually wrapped candy bars.

Halloween was only a few days away and you had to get some treats before the grocery store shelves were bare. You’d hate to disappoint the neighborhood kids the night of.

Abby however thought it was dumb to buy all that candy. For some reason she was convinced you guys would only get two trick of treaters this year and then be stuck with three months worth of candy.

It wasn’t true of course, you were usually out of candy by 10 pm on Halloween night but Abby was more or less… a halloween Scrooge; at least when it came to kids taking the candy she was hoping to eat.

She complained about the candy but secretly she hoped no one would knock on that door come the 31st so she could hoard it all to herself like a dragon with gold.

She was already reaching into the cauldron as you dried your hands, trying to sneak a piece.

Not on your watch. You whipped the towel in her direction hitting the side of her thigh.

The movement made her jump in surprise. She looked over at you, the picture of innocence.

“What the hell was that for?”

You raised your eyebrows at her, “That candy is for the kids this weekend.”

“Oh come on one piece won’t hurt.” She tried to use her best begging eyes.

It was not going to work, at least not when it came to the candy but the wine was getting to your head now and other ideas came to mind.

You walked past her only slowing to grab her belt loop and drag her behind you.

“Where are we going?” She asked as the pair of you trailed over to the staircase.

You stopped at the base and turned to look up at her, “You can’t have the candy as dessert,” you paused for dramatic effect and whipped your baggy t shirt over your head. What can you say you have a flare for the dramatics, “but I have a better one for you, if you want it of course?”

Abby’s mouth hung open in surprise before she finally gathered herself, “Hell yes.”

You spun around to run up the stairs, giggling as Abby chased behind you.

[intrepidacious]

❤️ a good time!

tat!bucky’s favorite (or least favorite) thing about twelve

… why not both?

cause and effect

chapter summary: How Bucky fell in love with Twelve: Slowly, and then all at once.

pairing: bucky barnes x time witch!reader

word count: 1.8k

warnings: light angst and negative self talk (this is bucky y'all); some light pining 🤭please note that my blog is rated 18+. minors dni. ageless/empty blogs will be blocked without warning.

a/n: i've literally had this one in my drafts for about two years and i hadn't actually planned on posting it for a while yet but i did promise distractions. and i missed him. i always do.

this is part of the time after time universe but can be read as a teaser and/or a standalone 💚

Bucky’s relationship with time has been fractured ever since a cold day in January that stole away the life he was headed towards and turned him into the monster underneath a child’s bed.

It’s hard to feel good about the concept of time travel once a lot of your own time has been taken away from you. Even now, there’s only so many things in his life he has control over; like the fact that he’s actively choosing to go back to therapy now, or that he’s able to keep a pet for the first time since he was thirteen years old. Stupid little things, like what kind of food he wants for lunch or whether he should take the stairs or the elevator.

Every single one of these things he’s fought for tooth and nail, clawing his way out of the past and carving out his own space in reality again, struggling, trying, hanging on like he wasn’t able to all those decades ago.

He’s probably still failing.

Some days, clinging to the present is tense and brings him nothing but grief. Sometimes, it feels like he’s going to have to mourn the past forever, whatever might have been; and maybe that’s his sentence.

He wouldn’t have wished it on anyone. He deserves worse.

And then there’s you.

Flickering in and out of time, constantly moving, changing in the time it takes him to blink.

It’s infuriating to him, the way you get to use your powers. The way you don’t need to think about consequences, because they don’t have to be permanent, don’t have to be something you need to live with for the rest of your life. To you, time has always been something that can be changed with a single snap of your fingers. Whatever you do can just as easily be undone.

Once you decide you’ve seen enough, you can just take the scene from the top.

And you’re so stubborn.

You’ve already seen how this goes on if you let it, and so you’re always right, end of story. There’s an ease to your steps because of it, a nonchalance in every movement, and it makes Bucky’s blood boil to see it so plainly.

With all the good that you could do, you choose to do nothing instead; to stay out of the picture entirely and burn through your powers just because you can, wasting them all on things that don’t mean anything.

How many lives could you potentially save?

Instead, you consume disturbing amounts of caffeine and then continue to provide running commentary to the world around you based on things that, to him, never happen at all. "Do this", "don’t do that", "take the other one", or, his absolute favorite, "don’t make me fix that".

Why not? he wants to ask, say, demand. Why not fix all of it?

It takes a while for him to realize that all of your fire means you’re burning from both ends. In fact, it takes Becca.

"You should bring her by sometime," she tells him on a rainy afternoon. "While I’m still alive and kicking."

His little sister just turned ninety-eight. Her kitchen sideboard is filled with black-and-white pictures reminding him of all the things in her life that he missed, arranged in perfect little wooden frames.

"And why would I do that?" Bucky asks, scowling at his cards.

"Because you keep mentioning her," Rebecca says dryly and whisks the cards onto her pile with quick fingers.

"You gotta be kidding me," he groans, noting down her points. "And I don’t."

"Do, too. I don’t remember you being this terrible at this game."

"Because I haven’t caught you when you’re cheating."

"Exactly. It’s embarrassing." She wins the next trick, too. "How’s Tuesday?"

"Am I clairvoyant now?"

"I was thinking lunch."

"No." Finally, he gets a couple of points down. When he glances up at his sister again, she’s looking at him expectantly and he sighs. "What?"

"You can’t fault me for being curious," she says. She has just as many opinions as she did when she was sixteen. Her eyes are still the same, too, the same shade of blue as his and the same glimmer of archness as their mother.

"Don’t you think it’s weird?" Bucky says, finally giving in. "The whole … time thing?"

"I think it’s very weird, but so’s you returning from the dead and kvetching about it." Her eyes narrow when he starts to protest. His mouth closes again. "Besides," she continues, shuffling her hand around, "it doesn’t sound all that fun."

"To have the power to never make mistakes?"

"To have to live through every mistake twice without anyone knowing."

Something about her words strikes him like a match, and so he tilts his head and squints at her and thinks that maybe, just maybe, he’s got it wrong.

That you carry not only your past, but all the futures you’ve seen that never came to be; all the what ifs having turned into answers.

And he thinks, how nice. And then he thinks, how horrifying.

It’s a thought that follows him over the next couple of weeks, and it starts reframing your interactions for him, in a way.

"Will you stop staring at me," you say without looking up from your book.

Honestly, he can’t. He’s still trying to pick up on it, the split second between before and after, that little change of your posture, your hair, your face, that tells him more time has passed for you than it has for him.

It’s more of a feeling than anything else, something right at the back of his mind telling him that something is different if he concentrates on it enough, but he’s never sure what it is. And he doesn’t like that; not one bit.

So Bucky crosses his arms and leans back. "Why?"

A flash of irritation makes your nose twitch, even though you still refuse to meet his eye.

"It’s rude, for one."

"Noted." He waits for the two that never comes. "Anything else?"

And there it is. A blink-and-you-miss-it kind of moment, like the air shifting around you ever so slightly, a certain knowing glint in your eyes when you roll them and get up.

"Annoying!"

He can’t help it. He wonders what your original answer was.

***

Bucky’s relationship with time changes slowly, the deepest cuts carefully mending themselves until looking back doesn’t feel like getting his bones ripped apart anymore, until he looks at you on a cold day in January and realizes he’s fucked.

At first, he hopes that it might be a fluke. A trick of the light, maybe, or seasonal allergies. That’s the reason why his eyes are drawn to your face as soon as he enters a room; the closest source of discomfort always the thing he seeks out first. That’s the reason why his chest constricts like that.

But the truth is, he knows this feeling has been building slowly; he’s just been unwilling to admit it.

Something soft and delicate has started to nestle in that gaping hole inside his chest, unbothered by the walls he’s so carefully built up.

He’d never planned on you.

Fuck, if he’d known in the beginning, he might’ve …

No, he thinks. He wouldn’t have changed anything.

Because you’re too good for him, anyway, and he knows it. Smart and strong and funny and gorgeous and capable of things he’s not sure he’ll ever fully comprehend; and it’s worse than that, because he knows you now.

You’re grouchy in the mornings and you make terrible jokes when you’re nervous and you have a strange feud with his cat and your smile makes him want to put his fist through the wall because what is he supposed to do with any of this?

He’s not made for this dance anymore. That part was taken from him so long ago, and he’s delusional to think that anything or anyone could return it to him after all the bridges he’d been made to cross and burn. Why would someone like him deserve to be given tenderness anymore in this life? Why would anyone want to try?

But that foolish thing blooming inside him feels a lot like hope, despite of what he keeps telling himself.

There’s just something about you that keeps pulling him in, and honestly, he’s tired of fighting it. Then again, the thought of you feeling the same is nothing short of ridiculous.

He’s not the same guy as he used to be. Hell, sometimes he’ll look at old photographs and barely recognize himself.

He remembers life before, and maybe that’s what makes this so hard. He remembers talking to pretty girls, their bright smiles, their soft skin underneath his hands. Good times were easy to come by, even though life was hard in a different way, then. But he was good at it; acting on his feelings alone used to be simple, fun, second-nature almost.

It’s different now.

It used to be different only once before, and look where that’s gotten him.

No, he can’t say anything. Not ever; or not yet, at any rate.

Sometimes, though, Bucky lies awake at night and listens to the rain knocking against his window, and he remembers how much easier falling asleep used to be when he had someone next to him and his mattress didn’t swallow him alive.

He’ll remember the dark circles under your eyes and wish it could be as easy as asking, too. He wonders if there’s a universe you remember where he tries, but he doubts it.

These days, he knows his mind again. And it’s not a burden he wants to share.

You have enough to carry on your own.

Maybe, he thinks as he stares up at the ceiling at three in the morning, maybe there’s still a certain comfort in your powers, in knowing all the possibilities, but it also means constantly losing something that’s real; always mourning the life that isn’t.

He can relate to that.

And maybe that means you can relate to him, too, at least a little bit.

It’s odd, how comforting that last little thought is to him.

When he does eventually fall asleep, you make your way into his dreams, too, sometimes. Those times are the worst.

You’re you, and he’s him, and there’s a sort of "us" in the both of you that doesn’t exist in real life. So when you let him lace his fingers with yours and press your lips to his forehead and it feels easy, that’s usually the point when he wakes up, heart tumbling over itself, right hand tracing the ghost of your touch, always too much, never enough.

He knows it’s not real.

He knows it’s just an indulgence; selfish, really.

The problem is that whatever small hope has decided to settle in his very core is impossible to kill, no matter how much he pushes it down; and he’s not sure he wants to lose it again.

Secretly, silently, serendipitously, you make him have faith in the future again.

But it’s not time for it yet.

if you want to read more about these two (plus a lot of time related shenanigans), read the main series here. or check out the rest of my bucky fics, that's also an option 💚 i don't do tag lists but you can follow @intrepidacious-fics for update notifications

[archangeldyke-all]

MORE RANDOM SEVIKA HEADCANONS PLS!! i love how you think

more?!!?? okay!!!! :D

men and minors dni

she'd only get on social media to follow you. she'd have to have you help her set up her profiles and stuff, never posts anything (unless she's reposting your pictures with a bunch of heart and flame emojis) and never logs on (unless she gets a notification that you've posted, because of course she has notifs on for you.)

old people LOVE her. she's like catnip to them. some of it is because she's an old grump already, but most of it's just 'cause she's quiet enough to listen to them yammer on about 'the good old days.'

she acts like she hates it-- but you always catch her shoveling your elderly neighbor's driveways during the winter and helping little old ladies cross the road. (she's part of the neighborhood book club too-- just a bunch of elderly ladies and sevika reading trashy smutty novels and laughing over spiked tea once a week. when it's your turn to host, sevika blushes bright red every time you bring her and her friends cookies and snacks: they're all cooing about how sweet of a couple you are, asking sevika when they can expect to have little feet running around the neighborhood)

she quits smoking when you get pregnant with little fucker.

one of her favorite ways to dodge a craving for a cig is to use her mouth for something much more satisfying-- like kissing you, or eating you out, or sucking hickeys into your skin...

every once in a while she'll still sneak a cigarette-- not because she misses it, but because she knows if she goes home smelling like tobacco you'll start peppering kisses on her mouth every ten minutes to make sure she's too distracted to smoke again.

she's sooo frugal. i think the reason she's wearing the same outfit for the whole show is she's just the type of person to be like "it still works?" while talking about her boxers that have a quarter sized hole near the crotch.

it's cute in some ways. she never throws out an old glass or jar-- most of your cups and storage is old pasta sauce and jam jars. each empty bottle of whiskey becomes a vase on a shelf or windowsill-- for little flowers, leaves, and weeds you and sevika always bring home to brighten up your space.

it's annoying in other ways. you have to secretly throw out her old socks and underwear once or twice a year, slowly replacing them with new socks-- but not too quick, or else she'll get suspicious as to why all her socks are hole-less.

she gets a little bit better at spending when little fucker comes around. she just can't say no to her own baby.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@shimtarofstupidity @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @realgreeniebeanie @k3n-dyll

@sevsdollette

[mockerycrow]

Congrats on 4k! Saw the post I was wondering if you could do a platonic fanfic? So with Dad!John Price + teen!reader with the prompt “I just wanted to be like you” with reader tell price that they’re thinking about join the military and with price being like “absolutely NOT.”

Take your time if needed!

-🫠

DIFFERENT PATH (Dad!Price x Teen!GN!Reader) — 4K CELEBRATION

[WARNINGS; Dark thoughts, angst, price is a good dad but he needs to control his tempter, you butt heads and you’re both stubborn asses.]

YOU HAVE BEEN uncharacteristically quiet at the dinner table, John notes in his head. You’re a bit closed in on yourself as you actually eat your food instead of talk your head off like usual. He notes the way you keep your eyes lowered, your shoulders hunched; alarm bells are going off in his head because he isn’t sure if something happened, because you aren’t telling him anything.

You have been like this since school—you’re usually eager to hang around John since he’s usually away off somewhere in a different country, leaving you with a family friend for a couple of weeks or months at a time. This time? You came home, gave John a quick hug, a quiet “hi”, and you were in your room until he called you for dinner. He did not bother you once you shut your door—if you need space, he wasn’t going to deprive you of that. John knows he needed his space after coming home from school when he was younger.

“So,” John hums, a green bean in his mouth. He quickly chews, swallows, and takes a sip of his ice water before continuing. “How was school?” There’s a moment where your eyes actually flicker to him for the first time all night before they flicker back down to your plate, moving your food around with a fork; you shrug. John let’s out a sigh and tilts his head. “Words, kiddo.”

“It was fine.” You respond, your tone neutral. John notices the way you aren’t eating much, every few minutes is a few bites. You’re either scarfing it down, or you don’t eat it at all because you can’t stop talking. “Fine?” He questions, wiping his mouth with his napkin. You nod in response, knowing he’s trying to pry more information out of you. “Can I go to my room?” You ask, your jaw tight.

John pauses for a moment, a knot in his stomach forming. “Yes, you can.” He responds after hesitating for a few seconds. A heavy sigh leaves him as he watches you spring into action, grabbing your plate and bringing it to the kitchen before jogging up the stairs to where your room is. John knew this would eventually happen, something running across in his path of parenting where you wouldn’t want to tell him about something.

It’s definitely not the first time you’ve taped your mouth shut about something, but as you’ve grown to be more independent—you’ve been very independent as he’s been away a lot—he fears the worst. John just hopes you would trust him enough to tell him about something bad happening; even if you were involved and there was drugs or something else, he wants you to trust him. John wants you to know that no matter what, he would love you. Nothing would change that.

“Goddammit.” John mutters, cleaning up the table, grabbing his now empty plate and dirty dishes. He brings them to the kitchen and washes off his plate before sticking it in the dish washer with the utensils, spotting your barely touched food. John puts his hands on the counter and leans against them, slipping back into thought once more. Maybe it was time to talk to you about how he would still love you, even if you were involved in some bad shit? Is that the correct move?

John hates it—being on his own as a father. Your mother has never really been in the picture and you’ve luckily never taken an interest in knowing her, so he’s ruled the possibility of your mother coming back into contact. John doesn’t want to think about the other possibilities; the other stuff that could suggest a reason for this clammy reaction.

No, he decides, if you need something, you will come to him unless he deems it necessary to properly intervene. John puts plastic wrap over your plate and puts it on a shelf in the fridge before he retreats to his office. He keeps his door cracked for you in case you decide to change your mind—he knows something is up—and he grabs a book, sitting down in his office chair. John blinks at the book in his hands before flipping open to where he left his bookmark.

You come downstairs an hour or two after dinner was served. John was only half processing his book, rereading the same sentence at least four different times when you knock on the cracked door. John blinks and looks up from his book, quickly putting the bookmark between the pages and shutting the cover. “Come in.”You open the door with a nervous look, your hands fidgeting. The cat quickly runs into the office with a soft “mrr” as you walk closer to his desk. John holds his breath for a moment as you approach. “What’s goin’ on, kiddo?” John asks softly.

You sit in one of the two chairs in front of his desk with your hands in your lap. You glance at his face a couple of times before you groan and rub your face. You look back at him, your eyebrows furrowed. “Look, I know we talked about this before, but..” You trail off for a moment, looking to him for some sort of guidance. John gestures for you to continue with, “We’ve talked about a lot of things, love. Go on.”

You press your lips together before you utter something that makes John’s heart drop. “I was approached by a recruiter in P.E. class today.” John shakes his head quickly. “Absolutely not.” He says harshly, crossing his arms. “You already know my answer, I’m not signing anything.” You groan loudly and lean back in your chair. “Come on, Dad! This is truly what I want to do in life, I—“

“It’s a hard NO. Do you hear me?” John hisses, looking at you. It’s almost like he’s speaking to one of his men when they messed up. “You do not want to be in my line of work. You have no bloody idea what actually goes on.” You and your dad have had this kind of conversation before; back when you were fourteen. John had just assumed you were just getting more attached to him—since you were twelve, he’s been able to go on leave to be with you more often than he had been able to before. John just assumed it was sudden attachment due to the (family friendly) stories he had shared.

But no, even two years later, you’re still insistent on what you want to do. “Dad, please, just listen t’me—“

“My answer is and always will be no. You have no fuckin’ idea what happens out there, kid. It’s nothin’ like the games I’ve gotten you, you hear me? It’s nothin’ like the shows or the movies you begged me to buy you!” John snaps, his tone borderline vicious. You flinch at his tone, your heart dropping to your stomach. Your avert your eyes; John has never spoken to you like that before. You try to hold back the tears, but your gut is tight, throat burning as well as your eyes.

“I just..” You mumble. “I just wanted to be like you, Dad.”

John blinks, your shaky tone bringing him out of his protective rage. Guilt swirls in his chest, dripping down to his gut and settling uneasily. “Fuck, I—“ He stutters for a moment before taking in a breath in to gain his composure. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I never meant to snap at you like that, that’s completely on me.” John says with a much gentler tone than before, guilt lacing every word. Your gaze sticks to his desk instead of his face as you shrug, your eyes burning.

“That’s not okay for me to do, kiddos I just..” John lets out a heavy sigh. “You know I’ve been in the military my entire life; it’s not pretty. It’s not like the films you see, alright? I’ve seen.. many, many men and women be torn apart by bullets, blown up by explosives—hell, you know the nasty scar on my left side? I walked into an explosive rigged room when you were three years old, darlin’.”

That causes you to pick up your head and look at him with wide eyes, the tears brimming your eyelids. You blink, a tear quickly falling down your cheek. John has a guilty yet solemn expression, his eyebrows furrowed together; likes yours do when you’re also upset or thinking too hard about something. “Nearly cost me my life, kid. Nearly cost you your dad.” John says the last part quieter. He watches the way your eyes dart around as you process this information, your lips parting after a moment.

“Look.. I..” You trail off for a moment, your fingers licking at the seams of your pants. “I still.. I still want to, I just..” You pause. “I don’t see myself doing anything else, dad.”John closes his eyes for a moment, letting out a shaky breath. “You still have a year or two, I just.. I can’t sign anything for you, kid. If you die, I just—“

“—whAt if you die, dad?? You just admitted to me a risk you took and you’re still in the military despite having a kid!” You suddenly burst, your voice breaking. John blinks at you in surprise before folding his hands together in his lap, leaning back in his office chair with a quiet squeak of the bolts. “Why is it so different if I went in??”

John looks at you, at your passion and your frustration. “Because you haven’t been tainted by this life, love. You’ll never look at anything the same.” You give him a hard stare, the sadness turning into anger. “And if I said I’m ready for that?” A beat passes. “I’m not signing anythin’. But once you’re a legal adult, I can’t stop you.” You press your lips together; that’s one of the many things you and your father have in common. You’re both incredibly stubborn and won’t back down, and maybe you both bend and break the rules a bit. “I can wait.”

[daisies-daydreams]

Husband/Papa Ghost Headcanons

Pairing: Simon (Ghost) Riley x Wife!Reader Category: Fluff Warnings: Suggestive Content, Swearing, Descriptions of Labor/Contractions

Author's Note: This is a continuation of this request (WARNING: 18+). Enjoy!

Simon would be a proud papa, that's for sure.

He didn’t use his phone that much before, only to text or call people. But his storage space began to run out pretty quickly with all of the photos and videos he took of your daughter, Lily.

“What are you doing, Si?” you giggled. Lily banged on the toy piano while your husband was crouched down, phone camera rolling.

“Filming Lily’s performance,” he replied matter-of-factly. You chuckled and kissed the top of his head, ruffling his dark brown hair. Your two-year old daughter cheered when she finished her song, face lit up and arms stretched above her head in triumph.

“All done!” she beamed with a wide smile. Both of you clapped.

“Good job, Lil,” Simon chuckled.

Simon nearly passed out when you told him you were pregnant with your second baby (not that it came as a surprise to you both👀).

Just like your first pregnancy, he’d try to be there for you as much as he could. It was different now with Lily in the picture, but she made many of your days full of joy and laughter.

I can see him being a stern yet reasonable dad. He’d discipline his kids yet never intentionally hurt them.

Lily’s lower lip pouted as she avoided his gaze. Simon’s arms were at his sides as he eyed the blue stains on her face and the empty candy jar on the floor. He lowered himself to be at her eye-level.

“Lily, baby, did you eat the candy even though Mommy told you not to?” Simon asked, trying to keep his voice soft and steady. Lily burst into tears, rubbing her eyes with her little, sticky hands.

“I sowwy,” she sniffled. His heart ached, but he knew she had to learn to listen to her mom.

“I know, baby,” he sighed as he pulled her into a hug. She cried into his chest. “Candy tastes yummy, but it’ll hurt your tummy if you eat too much,” Simon explained. Lily sniffed, snot dripping from her button nose and onto his shirt. He pulled her back and looked her in the eyes. “No candy for the next three days, okay? Then you can have it again,” he explained while holding up three fingers. She puffed out another sob before nodding her head.

“Okay, Dada,” she sniffled.

Your second pregnancy was more difficult than the first. You had more health complications, which worried Simon half-to-death. He couldn’t bear to think of anything happening to you while he was thousands of miles away on a mission.

All of 141 were like family to you. They'd pop in every once in a while, especially Lily's godfather, Soap.

"Unk Nee!" Lily squealed. Soap grinned ear to ear at the attempt of his nickname ("Uncle Johnny"). She giggled as she ran into his open arms. He spun her around as you walked in from your bedroom. You gave a tired smile, leaning on the wall and rubbing your swollen belly. Simon was still working on his car in the garage, yelling out that he'd be there in a moment.

"How's my wee firecracker doin'?" Soap beamed. Lily ducked her head into his shoulder, her small dirty blonde curls bouncing. Both of you laughed. "Gettin' shy now, are ya?" Soap chuckled.

"You know how kids are," you waved. Soap smiled as he set the toddler down. She rushed back over to you, hiding behind your legs. You patted her head gently.

"How you doin', lass?" Soap asked as he stepped further inside. You sighed, Lily clinging to your maternity pants.

"This pregnancy's kicking my a-butt, it's kicking my butt," you quickly changed your wording. Soap snorted as Lily cackled behind you.

"Mama said 'butt'!" your daughter sang. You grumbled and collapsed your face into your hands.

"Sounds like she's got quite the potty mouth, huh Lily?" your husband chuckled beside you. You felt him snake his hand around your waist. He pecked your cheek, his skin coated in a sheen of sweat from his hard work.

"Why don't you give me a spanking later to teach me a lesson?" you whispered lowly into his ear. Red immediately flooded his cheeks as his hand gripped your hip. Before he could retort, another figure walked through the front door. Lily peeked from behind your legs and gasped as Price entered the room.

"Grandpa!" Lily cheered while pointing her finger at the captain.

You've never heard a room grow so quiet in a single second.

Both of you explained that Price was most definitely not her grandpa, yet she was insistent on the terminology. The captain teased Simon about it constantly.

"I think you taught her to say that," Price chuckled.

As the due date approached, Simon's heart was shattered. He was being sent away on a longer mission, and it required that he made no contact with you. Your husband assured you that he'd be back in time for the delivery, and spent as much time as he could with you and Lily before he left.

A few weeks later, Simon was sprinting through the hospital to get to your delivery room.

Simon’s heavy footsteps echoed down the hall as he whipped around the corner. A blonde nurse shot an incredulous look at the masked man as he sprinted to the counter.

“WHERE’S DELIVERY ROOM 109?!” Simon boomed. The poor woman's face went pale as she pointed a shaking finger down the hall. His head snapped as he shouted a ‘thank you’ behind him. Simon rushed past several nurses and doctors, the door getting closer. He could hear your wailing pierce through the hallway. Simon nearly crashed into the doctor when he stepped out into the hall.

“MR. RILEY!” the doctor gaped with wide eyes. Your husband’s chest rose and fell as he panted. Another harsh cry broke out through the room. “Quickly, she’s about to start pushing,” the doctor rushed him inside. Simon's eyes grew wide as they locked with yours.

"Si," you called softly. Your face was pale, sweat covering every inch of your tense and aching body. Simon rushed over, immediately clasping his hands over yours.

“You look beautiful, sweetheart,” his dry voice croaked. You gave a weak laugh before jolting forward, another strong contraction ripping through you.

“B-Bullshit,” you tiredly chuckled through gritted teeth. The doctor and nurses came closer to your bedside.

“Okay, Mrs. Riley. It's time to start pushing. Are you ready?” the doctor asked. You swallowed thickly, your entire body shaking as it was wracked with waves of pain. Simon squeezed your hand and lifted his skull balaclava to place a gentle kiss on your lips.

“You’ve got this, love. I’m right here,” he assured. You nodded before sucking in a deep breath.

Not long after, your baby boy, Thomas, was born.

His throat grew tight when you suggested his late brother's name. You were afraid you'd overstepped, but he quickly kissed you on the lips and told you it was the perfect name for the newest addition to the Riley family.

Simon stared in awe at the small baby swaddled in his arms. You were fast asleep in your new bed, exhausted from the long, grueling day. Thomas' plump, rosy cheeks glowed softly as he yawned. Your husband beamed when two small, dark eyes just like his own gazed up at him.

“Hi there, little Tommy,” Simon breathed.

Both of you were unsure as to how Lily would take to her new baby brother. However, when her eyes lit up and she squealed when she saw him for the first time, Simon knew she’d be the best big sister.

Simon would make it a goal to read to Lily and Tommy every night. It melted your heart when you sat with him, Lily in her bed and Tommy in his crib listening to his low voice lull them to sleep.

While most date nights were spent inside your home nowadays, he was just happy to spend any time he had with you.

Simon would leave little gifts or notes around the house, letting you know what an amazing mother and wife you are.

If you feel insecure about your body after giving birth, he'll do everything in his power to remind you otherwise.

Your eyes widened as a sudden slap streaked across your ass. You whipped your head around. Simon's eyes were trained on the TV, though the hand draped over the arm of the couch said enough. You crossed your arms, thankful that Lily was playing in the adjacent room and Tommy was fast asleep in his crib.

"Got something to tell me, Si?" you said with a quirked brow. His lidded, chocolate-brown eyes flicked over to you, his hands reaching over to pull you on your lap.

"Simon!" you gasped. Laughs spilled from your lips as your husband bombarded your neck with kisses, his large hands reaching down and squeezing your bum.

"Can't help myself, sweetheart. Not when you're walking around with this cute arse of yours," he mused. You bit your lip and wiggled in his lap. He nibbled on your ear, his voice low and husky as he whispered into it.

"Tonight, after the kids are asleep, why don't I show you just how irresistible you are?" Simon groaned.

Tommy was a much more of a fussy baby than Lily. He’d keep both of you up constantly. You called your/Simon's relatives or friends over every so often so both of you could have a break.

“How are you feeling, love?” Simon asked. Both of you were lying in the hammock in a park, the summer breeze rocking you back and forth. Your best friend was at home watching your children. Heavy bags rested below your eyes as you stretched.

“Fucking exhausted,” you sighed. Simon chuckled, brushing your hair from your forehead and planting a kiss over it.

“I know, hun. Why don’t you take a nap, yeah?” he suggested. You nodded, letting sleep quickly overtake you. He breathed in through his nose, his mind wandering too much for him to fall asleep. Instead, he took in the sight of his beautiful wife wrapped in his arms as the rest of the world melted away.

____

Thank you for reading! ❤️

(Writing these melts my heart ngl. We love Papa Ghost in this house).

[kamesama]

domesticity with ryōmen sukuna

— note + warnings: my lil' head is full of him; headcanons but not rlly formatted like them idk; modern! au; disgusting domestic fluff; spicy moments here and there ( feat. brief mentions of nudity, pet names, degradation, praise, just some basic intimacy yo ); mentions of food; brief mentions of alcohol and tobacco; fem! ( wife! ) reader; long post ( almost 1.5k and i still wanted to write more but i need to get ready for class ).

every now and then, he comes home with burdened hands; a thickly arranged bouquet, your favourite pastry from that bakery standing a pesky distance away from your home, little bag with lace and frills and silk neatly folded at its bottom. he adores your reaction — the way your eyes are rendered overwhelmed with shimmer the moment you see him and whatever saccharine little thing he decided to please your wits with that day. the way you cling onto him, your muscles nearly aching from a sense of gratitude and excitement, or merely tenderness on the days you are fatigued and just quietly thankful. it's so fun to see you pleased with such a gesture; so silly, so endearing.

his armchair is his throne, and your throne is his lap. at times, he settles for the spot on the sofa; the one that has his name engraved on it with an ink of memory and habit. lounging there provides a proper view of the space around him, so when you walk in, showing off whatever delicacy he's bought to hug your curves, he sees the entire picture, perfectly framed. he cocks his head to the side, his knuckles pressing into his cheek as he tells you to twirl around for him, princess, so that the skirt of your dress may flutter or so he could have a good look at the way that lace-edged hem of your brand new knickers lightly sinks into the soft flesh of your buttocks. he pats his lap for you to come and take a seat like a good girl, and he may just show his appreciation for how ravishing you look.

yet, on the drearier days, when time seems to drip painfully slowly and when the invisible frost seems to linger in the corners of your home and bodies, he leans back into his mighty armchair and pulls you close — bare or modest, it matters not, as long as you are against him and he can trail incoherent patterns across your hip or run his fingers through your hair. something weighs on his vision and his eyelids threaten to falter underneath the dull pressure — he yawns and closes his eyes, aware that you, too, have given in. his thick glass of whiskey sits empty, sweating cold droplets of water; the cigarette butt squished in the ashtray.

meals are greatly indulged in; homemade, takeout, eating out. after all, sukuna's a connoisseur of gastronomy. wrinkled widows and middle-aged housewives did not utter a single word of lie whilst making the statement that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach, for sukuna indeed shows immense pleasure if you decide to treat him to a little something, whether it be some quick morsel or a sightly dinner sprinkled with the grandiose. his tastes are peculiar, however, so your outings in the evening either start or end up at a pricy spot with mouth-watering dishes.

when either one — or both — of you demand a rest from the confinements of your home, thoughts or chores, cruising through the highway and city roads is a welcome option. whether it be in a car or sukuna's motorcycle, a ride is a ride. underneath the streetlights after dark, or in the minutes just before the sun starts to sink into the horizon, or right after the rush hour when the roads are suddenly free of a tremendous burden. it's a little bit of adrenaline, and head free of pesky thoughts, your arms around his waist and your laughter that seems to fade into the breeze after a few seconds. the glimpse of you staring out of the car's rolled down window as your favourite song plays on is oddly sweet, and sukuna finds himself content with smaller things in life.

the ultimate betrayal of trust is giving in to the unholy, godforsaken urge to watch that one episode after a frustrating cliff-hanger — alone. there are spots in your routine which you fill with some stupid reality show or a theatrical series, most of which neither of you expect to grow so attached to. the image is that of a dimly lit living room, a bright screen and sound of chewing as you lay close to one another, occasionally commenting on and reacting to whatever is occurring within that wondrous glowing box of visionary delight. sukuna is transparent with his tastes; his expression twisting in some vague sense of disgust at poor writing, or brows raising in interest as the music shifts to a melody that is a tad more dramatic. the salt remains on your tongue and sticks to your lips.

he loves the way you attempt to be subtle with your affections and desires when the movie you're watching proves to be too dull. he sees you within the periphery of his vision — how you throw a glimpse or two towards his handsome profile, your gaze smoothly trailing down the line of his nose, dripping from its tip onto his lips only to take a turn up his sharp jaw. he'd call you dumb and naïve for thinking that the gears within your skull are not being obnoxiously loud with some starved intent, but he bites his tongue for the sake of indulgence. the tip of your index finger ghosts over his skin before you press your lips to his cheek gingerly, begging for a sprinkle of attention, and when he does not go out of his way to satisfy your whims then and there, you whine and complain into his ear how the movie is so boring... truthfully, he would have scoffed and wrinkled his forehead at the terrific acting and horrendous story-telling, too, but he swallows down whatever atrocity his eyes are witnessing on screen lest you grow bolder and needier with your advances, because he adores seeing you try harder.

some days you're bolder, when you come stomping to him as his eyes follow the rows and rows of black-ink characters pressed into the paper or glowing from the screen. your perfume is demanding, your outfit revealing, your lipstick's shade a herald of debauchery. try harder, he wordlessly dares as he spares you but a single glance, acknowledging the intent that you're absolutely overwhelmed with. sometimes he is not in the mood for your little schemes, so when you push at all his buttons with that voice thick with desire and relentless attitude that ignores his every warning, what else could he possibly do than give you what you've wanted, tenfold? he bruises your thighs with violet handprints and paints your neck with ruby red stamps of wanton need and irritation and leaves your legs quivering, shaking like a leaf because you, needy, naughty little thing, have asked for it.

other days he demands your attention. when you're reading your book, or watching your show, he approaches with bold, shameless kisses to your neck; open-mouthed and wet, not shy of whatever thought clouds his mind. sometimes there is barely any lechery in the way his fingertips sink into the flesh of your thighs or the way his palm caresses your back. sometimes he hungers for that which he deemed unfamiliar before you; for his head to rest against your breast and the sound of your heart-beat echoing in his ear. no matter what the motive is, his approach is direct, and his arguments temptingly good.

the smell of clean bedsheets, stained only by a whiff of slumber, is intoxicating on the weekend mornings; those always end in some lounging and rolling around, small kisses and sleep-laced grumbles. it's slow, it's leisurely, as if time holds no weight or consequence. they lead to another thirty minute nap, or a hungry yet slow session of love-making that ends up lulling you all the more. it's a shared shower, toast for breakfast, smell of bitter coffee or matcha, and the two of you in your own little world for the day.

sometimes you wake up before him and abandon your spot on the bed; let it grow cold and lonesome. standing on the sidelines, by the nightstand, provides you with a different view from the one you're used you when your cheek is sunken into the pillow. other than sukuna's resting face, you see the entirety of him fully — the cover half-heartedly trying to hide any indecency; the expanse of his muscular back moving rhythmically with each breath, resembling the way sea-waves come to hug the shore before being pulled back by an invisible force. the scratch-marks from your desperate fingernails are faded red on his shoulders, and he seems so tenderly mellowed as he roams his own dreamworld. you could lap up the sight, eat it up and engrave it into your brain, but settle for acting like a little stalker for just a minute or two, appreciating the sight of peaceful, unburdened sukuna who has his features halfway devoured by the soft embrace of his pillow.

thank you for reading!

— kamesama.

[crossfandomskylines]

In the Space Between: Chapter 17

OTHER CHAPTERS:

Chapter 1 I Chapter 2 I Chapter 3 I Chapter 4 I Chapter 5

Chapter 6 I Chapter 7 I Chapter 8 I Chapter 9 I Chapter 10

Chapter 11 I Chapter 12 I Chapter 13 I Chapter 14 I Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Pairing: Glen Powell x OC

Summary: The strain of long-distance hits a breaking point when Glen misses a planned call with Gabby, leaving her feeling hurt and forgotten. The emotional weight of their separation and the misstep creates a rift, but it's quickly bridged by Glen when he plans a surprise for Gabby.

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: None. A/N: Please continue to let me know what you think with Hearts, Comments, and Reblogs! Also if you'd like to be tagged please let me know, and I will get you added to the tag list! Tag List: In Comments - Tumblr for some reason doesn't like linking more than 5 usernames so I'm just going to use the tags in the comments to make sure you get the notification!

The next day Gabby sat cross-legged on the couch, her laptop and notes from the day’s classes abandoned on the coffee table. Her phone rested beside her, the screen lighting up every now and then, but never with the name she was hoping for. 

Glen was supposed to FaceTime her at eight—his idea, she reminded herself with a soft smile. He had promised he’d be back at his apartment after filming, and they’d finally get to catch up. Now, the clock on her phone blinked 8:57.

She checked her messages again. Nothing.

Trying not to overthink, Gabby pulled her knees to her chest and stared out the window. It wasn’t like Glen to forget, but maybe he’d gotten caught up on set. She grabbed her phone and clicked to dial him. It rang, and rang, until eventually his voicemail picked up. Gabby frowned, hesitating before hanging up without leaving a message. Her fingers hovered over the screen, debating if she should text.

GABBY: Hey, did filming run late? Call me when you can. I miss you.

The message sent, and Gabby dropped the phone onto the couch cushion beside her. She pulled the throw blanket tighter around her shoulders, flipping absently through a notebook from class. For all her efforts, she couldn’t focus. Her eyes kept darting to her phone, watching for a notification—any sign that Glen had seen her text. It’s fine, she told herself. He’s probably on his way home.

When ten more minutes passed in silence, she sighed and picked up the phone again, deciding to scroll through Instagram to distract herself.

The photos popped up on her feed almost immediately—bright smiles, clinking glasses, and Glen’s familiar face staring back at her. Her breath caught as she clicked through the tagged pictures. Glen was at dinner with some of his co-stars, a group sprawled across a long table cluttered with half-empty wine glasses and shared plates. He was easy to spot in every photo, the center of attention, laughing with the same charm that made her fall for him.

She scrolled further, finding more snapshots from later in the evening—this time at a bar. Glen stood between two of his co-stars, both stunning women. One had an arm hooked around his waist, leaning in with a playful smile. The other held a drink and laughed, her face tilted close to his. Glen looked…happy. Relaxed.

Gabby’s thumb hovered over the screen as something cold settled in her chest. He missed our call for this? She blinked hard, trying to push away the bitterness threatening to creep in. She didn’t want to be that girlfriend—the one who picked apart every photo, overanalyzing things that didn’t matter. But it was hard not to notice how comfortable Glen seemed, like he belonged there with them.

Her eyes drifted to her unanswered text message, still sitting at the bottom of their conversation thread. He hadn’t even read it.

Gabby set the phone down carefully on the table, trying to ignore the hollow feeling in her stomach. She trusted Glen—she did. But the nagging thoughts were harder to push away tonight. The photos, the beautiful women, the ease in his smile—it all felt worlds away from the life she was living here, alone in her quiet apartment.

Wrapping the blanket tighter around herself, Gabby leaned back against the cushions and closed her eyes. It’s just one night, she thought. It doesn’t mean anything. But no matter how many times she repeated it, the ache in her chest lingered.

* * * *

The next morning, Glen stared at his phone, brows furrowed as he scrolled through his messages—or lack thereof. Normally, by this time, he’d have a “Good morning, handsome” text waiting for him, sometimes with a photo of Willow curled up on Gabby’s lap. But today? Nothing.

He tried to shake off the nagging feeling as he sipped his coffee, convincing himself she was just busy. But by lunchtime, the unease had settled deep in his chest. He stepped outside between takes and dialed her number, pacing along the edge of the set as the phone rang once, twice—then straight to voicemail.

Glen exhaled sharply and ran a hand through his hair. She’s probably in class, he thought. But the silence lingered longer than it should have, and Glen couldn’t ignore the sense that something was wrong.

Later that night, Gabby finally answered his call. Her voice was soft but distant, and Glen felt the shift immediately.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said gently, hoping to coax her usual warmth back into her tone. “You okay? I didn’t hear from you all day.”

There was a pause on the other end before Gabby sighed. “I’m fine.”

“You sure about that?” Glen pushed, his concern deepening.

Gabby hesitated, chewing on her bottom lip as she curled into the corner of the couch. She knew Glen wasn’t trying to pick a fight, but the words she’d been holding in since last night tumbled out before she could stop them. “I don’t know, Glen. Last night kind of sucked.”

Glen’s heart sank. “Last night?”

“I waited for you, you know?” Her voice wavered, but she pressed on. “You said you’d call, and you didn’t. I tried calling, I texted, and I didn’t hear anything. Then I go on Instagram, and there you are—out at dinner, smiling and having the time of your life.”

Glen closed his eyes and rubbed his hand over his face. Shit. “Gabby, I—”

“I’m not mad at you,” she interrupted quickly, her voice softening. “I know you didn’t do it on purpose, but…it still hurt. I sat here all night, waiting for something. Anything. And then seeing you out, surrounded by…” She trailed off, biting her tongue. She didn’t want to sound jealous or petty, but the words were there.

“Gabby,” Glen said quietly, his voice steady but filled with regret. “I’m so sorry. I lost track of time after filming. We all went out to eat, and I thought I’d be home in time to call you. I wasn’t paying attention to my phone, and that’s on me. But I swear to you, I would never intentionally choose a night out over talking to you. I don’t care where I am or who I’m with—you’re the person I want to be with.”

Gabby swallowed hard, her eyes stinging. “It’s just hard, Glen,” she admitted. “I know we’ve done distance before, but this time feels different. I feel so…far away from you.”

Glen’s chest tightened. “It’s hard for me too, Gabby,” he confessed. “I’d trade every dinner, every night out, for five minutes sitting on that couch with you. This job, this schedule…it’s temporary. Just a few more weeks, and I’ll be there. I promise you.”

The sincerity in his voice eased the knot in Gabby’s chest. She wanted to believe him, and deep down, she did. “I just miss you,” she whispered.

“I miss you too,” Glen replied, his tone gentle. “And I’ll do better, okay? No more missed calls. If I’m going to be late or busy, I’ll let you know. I promise.”

Gabby nodded, her shoulders relaxing for the first time all day. “Okay.”

“Are we good?” Glen asked softly, his voice laced with hope.

A small smile tugged at Gabby’s lips. “Yeah. We’re good.”

“Good,” Glen breathed, relief washing over him. “Because I don’t think Willow could forgive me if I messed this up.”

That earned a quiet laugh from Gabby, and Glen grinned at the sound. “I’ll let you get some sleep,” he said. “But I love you, Gabby. You know that, right?”

“I know,” she whispered. “I love you too.”

“Goodnight, Gabs.”

“Goodnight, Glen.”

As they hung up, Gabby curled deeper into the couch, the ache in her chest a little lighter. The distance was still there, but Glen’s words gave her something to hold onto—something real and steady to get her through the nights alone.

* * * *

The next morning it was just after ten o’clock when Gabby stepped out of her apartment, tucking her phone into her pocket and adjusting the strap of her tote bag over her shoulder. 

Gabby locked her apartment door with a soft click and turned toward the elevator, her mind already focused on her plans for the day. 

She had her day planned: coffee run, a quick walk to clear her head after yesterday’s bump in the road with Glen, and then hours spent with her textbooks spread across her kitchen table.

Her breath caught as the elevator doors slid open, and a figure stepped out. For a second, she thought she was imagining it. The broad shoulders, the easy confidence in his stride, the familiar tousle of sandy brown hair—there was no mistaking it.

“Glen?” she whispered, her voice trembling as disbelief collided with a rush of joy.

Glen’s lips curved into a smile the moment he saw her. He held a bouquet of various flowers in one hand, their cheerful color a sharp contrast to the deep, longing look in his eyes. 

“Hey,” he said softly, his voice filled with warmth.

Gabby didn’t even think. Her feet moved on their own as she closed the distance between them, her heart pounding wildly in her chest. The second she reached him, she threw her arms around his neck, holding him tightly as though she feared he might disappear if she let go.

Glen dropped the flowers onto the small table by the elevator, his hands coming up to wrap around her waist. He pulled her closer, burying his face in the crook of her neck. The faint scent of her shampoo and the warmth of her body against his nearly undid him. 

“I missed you so much,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion.

Gabby pulled back just enough to look up at him, her green eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “I can’t believe you’re here,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I couldn’t stay away any longer,” Glen replied, brushing a stray strand of hair from her face. “I needed to see you.”

Her lips curved into a soft smile as her gaze flickered between his eyes and his mouth. The tension of the past weeks melted away as she closed the remaining distance, pressing her lips to his in a kiss that was both tender and fervent.

Glen responded instantly, his grip tightening around her waist as he kissed her back, pouring all of his longing and love into the moment. The world around them seemed to blur, leaving only the two of them in the quiet hallway. His lips were warm and firm, moving against hers as though she’d been waiting for this moment as desperately as he had.

Gabby’s hands slid from his shoulders to his chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart beneath her palms. She tilted her head, deepening the kiss, and a soft sigh escaped her lips. Glen broke away for just a moment, resting his forehead against hers as they both caught their breath.

“I love you,” he said softly, his voice barely more than a whisper, but the weight of his words filled the air between them.

Gabby smiled, her cheeks flushed as she looked up at him. “I love you too,” she replied, her voice steady despite the emotion swirling inside her.

Glen’s fingers brushed against Gabby’s cheek as he cupped her face, his thumb tracing slow, reassuring circles over her skin. He didn’t want to break the moment, didn’t want to let go of her. 

“I really needed this,” he admitted, his voice soft but full of sincerity.

Gabby smiled up at him, her eyes still shimmering but brighter now, filled with a spark he hadn’t seen in weeks. “Me too,” she whispered, her hands lingering against his chest, as though grounding herself in the reality of him being here, with her, and not hundreds of miles away.

For a moment, the only sound in the hallway was the quiet hum of the elevator behind them. The weight of the past few weeks, the missed calls, the aching distance, melted away.

Glen leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, lingering there as he murmured, “I’m here for the next thirty-six hours, and I plan to spend every second of it with you.”

Gabby laughed softly, her smile growing wider. “Thirty-six hours, huh?” she teased, her voice light for the first time in what felt like forever. “Guess I’ll have to clear my schedule.”

“Good,” Glen said with a playful grin, brushing his lips against hers once more before stepping back slightly. “But first, I believe I owe you for making my girlfriend sad yesterday. I was thinking coffee—and maybe breakfast, too.”

She tilted her head, arching a brow. “You think you can just show up out of nowhere, kiss me like that, and bribe me with coffee?”

“Absolutely,” Glen replied, his grin turning boyish and charming. He reached for the bouquet he’d left on the table, holding it out to her. “Besides, I brought flowers. That’s gotta count for something.”

Gabby rolled her eyes, but her laughter filled the hallway as she accepted the bouquet. “Fine. You win. But only because you’re here.”

Glen’s expression softened as he reached for her hand, lacing his fingers with hers. 

“I’m here,” he repeated, as if the words alone were enough to make up for all the time they’d spent apart.

And for Gabby, they were.

[demialwrites]

Experiment of Passage

I'm happy to have finally finished this! I wrote this back when I had soft feelings for pre-Nibelheim Sephiroth. Smut with feelings (some of them uncomfortable), basically.

You're not that close. And you're just like every other fan, you do wish you were that close. You even diligently kept an ear to the ground, hoping to get an opportunity to join the Silver Elite, Sephiroth's secretive fan club. Luckily, your job has you running all over the place, up to the SOLDIER floor and down to other levels. It was a good distraction. You had earned that level of clearance and a heavy workload to match. In other words, there's no time to fawn over him.

For his part, he also appeared to be run ragged. Quite a few times you scurry past him, him with his slower gait. He's often splattered with varying levels of blood. And colours of blood (from fiends?). The way he went about casually in that state was unnerving but you scold yourself inwardly. Getting dirty was just part of his job.

One day, he stops you in the hallway. This time he is clean. The black leather of his outfit has a dull shine. His hair has been brushed. You're relieved to see it but also entranced by his unreal and unique beauty.

“Yes, Sir.”

“I have something for you.”

“Yes, Sir,” you reply in a practiced manner.

You bring up a free hand up to receive what you expect to be file folders. Instead, he places a steamed bun partially wrapped in a square of parchment paper on your palm. It’s still warm.

“It’s the pork one, which they run out of early,” he explains.

‘They’ meaning the cafeteria. You're genuinely, and pleasantly, surprised. Your shock morphs into a soft smile. He chuckles, pats your shoulder, and continues on. You take this as a sign to head back to your desk for a short break and enjoy the bun. Chewing on the warm and comforting spongy dough, you try to picture Sephiroth in the lineup at the cafeteria.

You’re not sure what he likes about you. Maybe he likes how you scurry through the halls, you think with a mental shrug. Either way, he keeps bringing you snacks. He keeps bringing them and you keep accepting them gratefully. You dial up your response just a bit. Not enough to deceive but just to encourage. This is the best-looking delivery boy you have ever seen.

It’s late in the evening and you forgot to eat lunch. You vaguely register the headache but you don’t connect it with the self-neglect. You’re too focused. And honestly, you’ve been trying to eat less to compensate for Sephiroth’s delivered goodies. Your work clothes are getting a little tight. You’ll hand in your resignation before you turn him away, though.

“Sorry that I’m late.”

You look up from your computer screen to see a takeout container being placed on your desk. It lands politely in a free space between your files and other clutter. Steam, and the promising scent of some kind of sauced noodles, rise from the slits in the closed lid. Your empty stomach stares out of your eyes in anticipation.

“I had to ask where-”

Before Sephiroth could finish his sentence, and before your thoughts could catch up with your joy, you throw your arms around his waist and squeeze. You feel his stomach expand in a soft gasp. His belt buckle is cool against your cheek.

Oh, right. This is an office. You had better act professionally.

You let go, peeking up at him to gauge his reaction. You see eyes dancing in amusement set in a relaxed expression.

“Uhhh, thanks,” you mutter, cheeks hot.

He glances down at your mouth then back to your eyes. “You're welcome.”

He’s still busy but you can see that he makes time for you when he can. Your conversations naturally expand to include topics beyond food. You quickly discover that it’s like he’s bigger on the inside than he is on the outside. There’s so much information in there. You just have to ask and it willingly flows out. The only roadblock is your security clearance, which is disappointing but understandable.

And sometimes, he expresses an opinion so pessimistic that it gives you mental whiplash. You take it as a boundary around the current topic and try to steer the conversation elsewhere. Everyone has their issues, you assume.

You once thought you’re being too much.

“Maybe I should get you some textbooks,” he says.

“Then what would we talk about?”

You’re afraid he’s sick of explaining things to you. But then he surprises you with his answer:

“Your opinions.”

Oh.

As someone so low in the company, you’re not often asked for your opinion, especially not on the topics you two discuss. It’s then that you realize he’s interested in knowing more about you. You’re excited but also embarrassed. What if he didn’t like what he found? You’re mundane in comparison to him. He’s not bored of your company yet but that could change. Still, you vow not to let it get in the way. Not too much.

Months later, you receive an unusual email. That it comes from R&D shocks you well enough. You have never gotten an email from them. Then you see who it is from and the usual background noise in your mind stops. It’s like your unconscious is focused on reading it, too. Then you see who it is about and you get up and start pacing. The content makes you think it had to be a joke. Who has hacked into the company email? Who wrote such a sick joke?

Your steps slow. You gently scratch your cheek thoughtfully. Then again, you’ve never heard of anyone impersonating Director Hojo in a fake email. Sadness douses your agitation. The emotion clashes with Sephiroth’s image in your mind. But no matter what he looks like and is capable of, he’s human.

This could be a huge mistake but you agree to the Director’s invitation. You have so little information about the experiment he invited you to participate in that the alarm bells don't go off in your mind. That in itself should have been a warning to steer clear. But it’s too late now; you’ve already agreed to go. You want to help Sephiroth.

It’s the day of the ‘experiment.’ You head up to R&D. Who you assume is an assistant directs you to a small, windowless room to get ready. You change into the robe provided to you and emerge into the hallway.

“Yes. Perfect,” says the professor, examining you with eyes distorted by his glasses.

If it wasn’t for the hierarchical culture strictly maintained in the company, you would have loudly demanded what the fuck he thought he was saying. When he ignores your quiet rage, it dies pathetically. He leads you down the hallway. Besides what just happened, there are other reasons you’re incredibly uncomfortable in his presence. You can’t put your finger on it. The way he talks is also strange, in a bad way. Like he’s on another planet and only projecting his image onto this one. If he’s on another planet, he should stay there. You survive this encounter knowing you'll see Sephiroth on the other side. It’s small and truthfully, he hasn’t done anything but it’s a little heroic to you.

The professor leads you to a door. The door is strangely nondescript and clinical considering what was supposed to happen next. He uses a keycard to open it. You hurry in just to get away from him. The room on the inside is just as sadly nondescript. It’s not the usual Shinra black but it’s close enough; it’s dark, steely grey. The lighting is dim. If this was any other setting at all, it could have been romantic. The thought gives you nausea. The door slides shut behind you.

Sephiroth rises from a bed tucked at the side of the room as soon as he sees you.

“You. What are you doing here?” His voice is cold and rough, like slabs of stone.

He’s angry. He runs his hand over his face, beginning to pace. It would be a lie if you said you weren't hoping he was angry because he didn't want you to see him like this. It would mean he cares what you think. But that made you feel awful, which wasn't why you were here. You want to help. It seems you had your work cut for you to convince him to accept it.

“He told me that if I didn't do it, he would send someone else.”

“He would do that, yes. But-”

“I came here to give you a choice. I can leave now and they'll probably delay this to find someone else.”

“He won't let go of this, though!”

“That's why I came to give you the choice.”

He shouldn't have to be making this choice at all. Not at all. He should be yelling and destroying the entire room with his superhuman strength to protest. But he doesn’t. You're not sure what stops him. Is it the professor? After getting this little peek into Sephiroth's life as a part of SOLDIER, if he stabbed that creepy professor, you'd be secretly cheering. As long as you weren’t in the room at the time, of course.

“Hurry up,” comes the professor from the ceiling, in a creepy sing-song voice. There must be speakers embedded there. The sound brings an abrupt halt to Sephiroth's pacing. “I don't have all day.”

Sephiroth stands silent and still, head bowed. His reaction to the professor's voice told you everything. Well, it told you enough. This kind of behaviour from the professor wasn't new. You think back to how your rage died so easily in the hallway. You didn't have much longer with that train of thought because Sephiroth rounds on you.

“I don't want you involved with this. It's too dangerous.”

“I agreed to this. I knew there'd be risks.”

“No. You don't. You don't know the risks.”

“I'm not letting you do this alone,” you insist.

Based on your involvement in this, the risks must be getting involved in R&D. This is another vague, bad thing you can’t put your finger on. There’s always been thick, inky clouds hanging over the department but you could never figure out why. It hits you that someone must be controlling the flow of information. You no longer had the time to unravel that realization, but it could partly explain the depressing aura that seems to follow Sephiroth wherever he goes. His surprising pessimism. Maybe it’s not surprising after all. There’s no denying his confidence and strength but maybe his personality could have been brighter if he spent less time in this department.

You try to reach out to him one more time. “Well? Would you rather it was someone else? If that’s really what you mean, I could go.”

His expression sours. You want to convince him but you don't want to push too far. You’ve said all you have to say.

“So do you want me to leave?” you ask one last time.

“No.” His reply is tight and resolute.

You're unsure what else to do so you sit on the bed. The atmosphere is tense so when the mattress creaks, you flinch.

Rather than follow you, he’s brushing the ceiling with his fingertips, meticulously searching for something. He seems to find it because he reaches up with both hands. It’s a reminder of his inhuman strength as what appears to be a speaker comes down like a tulip bulb-shaped eyeball from a socket. He twists the cord and pulls, severing it. He lets it drop to the floor. Several more holes later and the ceiling looks like Swiss cheese. There are also four cameras you wouldn’t have found yourself. It takes more effort, but he crushes them between his palms before letting them also drop to the floor like disgusting objects.

You sag with relief, releasing tension you didn’t know you held. Perhaps you had been too focused on Sephiroth to notice. For his part, he’s no longer agitated but he's still stiff. It reminds you of his sword. Looking at him, you finally realize he's wearing a matching robe. Your eyes travel down his frame. The fabric drapes and hugs, giving his muscles a softer curve. He looks comfortable to hug, which is unexpected. When your eyes make it back up to his face, you realize he's caught you looking.

Sephiroth gives you a wry half-smile and holds his arms out to the sides. “What do you think?”

You look him up and down, face scrunching in thought. Then you say, “No different than usual.”

He frowns in confusion, looking down at himself. He smoothes the edges of the robe on his chest. It’s parted to expose his chest in the same style as his usual attire. “Oh.” He laughs lightly. “Old habits, I suppose.”

He shrugs the robe off his shoulders to reveal more of his chest and his stomach. Your eyebrows shoot up of their own accord. Holy. This is a man and a half. You swallow, hopefully subtly. You would be lying if his body, which seemed perfectly designed to be a warrior, didn't trigger a skittishness in you. Had he been designed? Is that truly possible? Based on the few strange, and sometimes terrifying, rumours you heard coming from R&D…no, those kinds of thoughts are for later.

“You look great.”

You manage a small smile because it's true. A person can be awe-inspiring and pleasing to the eyes at the same time.

He dips slightly in relief. “I suppose it's true, what they all say.”

You're shocked to hear that. “And you didn't believe it, all this time?”

“I still look different.”

His gaze hardens and your gut tells you to drop the matter. As much as you want to play therapist, now's not the time. And he's not wrong. You've never seen a man like him.

He licks his lips and an emotion flickers across his face. You're lucky to catch it.

“Are you scared?” you ask.

His eyes narrow.

“Sorry. Too personal?”

“I'm fine.”

He says it so easily. Either way, you’re not scared of him anymore. But you do feel awkward so you look away.

Sephiroth asks a question and you’re just on the cusp of understanding but it’s too quiet. You look back up at him.

“Sorry, what?”

He increases the volume slightly. “What am I supposed to do?”

“What? You mean what to do next?”

That sets you off-kilter for a moment. Then you decide, he must not be asking because he doesn't know or hasn't thought about it. He must be asking because he wants you to choose the direction in which this is going. Surely, he’s masturbated, you think to yourself. You rub your hand down your face, banishing the thought before the following mental image forms too clearly. It feels intrusive.

When you look back at him, he’s looming over you. It makes no sense that he would be trying to intimidate you at this point. You’re in too deep. You stare up at him but he doesn’t budge, like a larger-than-life statue. He’s just watching you.

Oh.

“Are you feeling awkward?” you ask.

He shakes his head but his expression and slumping shoulders betray him. “Sorry,” he says sadly. “I’m sure this isn’t what you-”

“I don’t mind,” you interrupt. The question is plain on his face so you continue. “Everyone’s awkward at first. If you ask me, it humanizes you.”

He seems to accept what you say. In fact, he’s looking more comfortable. Still stiff but getting better. What’s also stiff is…the massive erection jutting awkwardly from his pelvis. It would be comical, if not for what you were supposed to be doing. Even if he’s feeling better, surely he’s a long way off from getting aroused. He sits next to you on the bed and hisses in pain.

“Are you in pain? Why would that jerk make you do this while in pain? ”

He says nothing. You stare at him, waiting for an answer. Or at least to be told to back off.

“It was an injection,” he says, way too lightly. He tried to cover it with the barest of smiles.

“Oh,” you say. Because what else could you say?

Your response sounded woefully inadequate, even to your own ears. But you’re not sure what the appropriate response is. Maybe anger. Maybe you should storm off and refuse to be any further involved. Should you hug him in an effort to give comfort? The last one should feel right but, somehow, it doesn’t. You still feel the distance between you. But you're unsure if it's the distance between yourself and the ‘hero’ Sephiroth or yourself and the man struggling awkwardly with this situation.

“How come I’m the only one naked?” he asks, breaking the heavy silence and lightly bumping your shoulder with his.

It’s his turn to lighten the mood. You force a smile and slide off your own robe. Forcing a smile doesn't feel so bad because you want to smile for him but it's still difficult, considering the situation.

He slowly drinks your naked body in with a slow sweep of his gaze. His gaze travels down, meeting yours when it returns to your face. Your lips part. He catches the slight movement like the alert warrior he is. You slowly meet in the middle, bangs tickling your face. It's absolutely cliché but this man deserves his cliché kiss.

You start with a couple of chaste smooches, then lead him into something more heated by grazing your teeth across his bottom lip. Sephiroth takes the hint and opens his mouth to you. It's awkward but he's trying. You suspect he's thought about it but had little opportunity to practice.

Your hand finds its way down to grasp his length, earning you a deep purr from the other man. If you try to take your hand away, he holds it there, squeezing. His eyebrows come together in an expression of what appears to be relief. Hopefully, it's from the pain he was feeling earlier.

“It barely reaches around,” you say, worried.

He hums. “I've been told that I'm above average. It looks average to me.”

You raise an eyebrow at that. There’s some kind of disconnection there that you’re not sure about since you don’t have a penis yourself. It’s not like your siblings or male friends would have talked to you about it, nor did you wish they did.

“Uhhhh, that's not average.”

“I see.”

There’s no way he will fit without foreplay. It's a little funny that now it's your turn to be the information dispenser. It's not that he doesn't know anything about women's bodies but everyone is different and you have to explain specifically about yours. He listens carefully, though with wandering eyes.

He does it all too gently. You eventually have to tell him won’t break. You guide him to touch your nipples. To touch your favourite spots but with a more firm hand. He does so but he also wants to run his palms and fingers over every inch of you: down your sides, into the curve of your waist, and back up your stomach. His touch makes your nerves sing and crackle and cry out for more all at once. He chases you down that hole. It’s full of warm water and the warm water is his embrace, his presence, his smell, and the way he finally feels comfortable kissing you. You vaguely remember he had been squeezing your thigh just a second ago but his finger is suddenly at your slit, hesitating there. You reach down to jam it in faster, closing your thighs to keep his hand there. He’s not going anywhere but that this is just a one-time thing lingers in the back of your mind. It’s a pleasurable blur. You manage to teach him to curve his finger. He’s a natural. You can’t manage the words. You have to squeeze two of his fingers together to communicate that he has to give you more. You’re both awkward at this point so he doesn’t question it. It’s not that he’s going slowly but you slide closer on the bed to meet his hand, anyway. Two of his fingers are so thick and feel so good stroking the front of your walls that this could be it for you. If Sephiroth didn't even penetrate you, just came on your stomach right now and left, you would consider this a great experience. A win for you.

You were supposed to be guiding him but you’re losing control of the situation. You sink slowly deeper, deeper, deeper. The warm water is about to slip over your mouth when you squeeze his wrist and reluctantly rip your mouth from his.

“Stop!”

You’re treated to an astonished look. It's the furthest from calm and collected you've ever seen him. You have to laugh, telling him nothing is wrong. The poor man was doing so well and you just yelled at him in the middle of it.

“I’m sorry. But if we don’t really get started right now…”

He blinks, understanding. The way his nostrils flare, you could almost mistake the fire in his eyes for anger. That would be a mistake, a mismatch to this situation. What he was feeling was a burning need. A burden.

Guilt punches you softly in the gut. You had been enjoying yourself immensely just now, with no thought about his needs.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you ask, leaning up from the bed.

He pushes your chest gently to get you to lie back down. “No.”

“You’re not going to break me.”

He avoids your eyes. “Like you said, let’s get started.”

You don't feel acquainted enough to push him about it–contrary to the situation you both find yourselves in–and you yearn to relieve him of his pain. He ends up insisting you be the one to insert him inside you. But lying down, all you can do is bend it down and tuck the head inside. But even that has you silently groaning, because it's warm, firm and thick enough to press down toward your anus, giving a taste of the fullness you're about to experience. There's still some lingering pressure from before, dully demanding why it wasn't relieved from Sephiroth's fingers minutes before.

It's good that you didn't. Sephiroth is still a man and as such, he wants more. He slides his hips forward slowly. The stretch is still painful and you give it your all to keep the truth off your face.

“Does it hurt?”

Lucky guess, you think to yourself.

“Yep.” As soon as you feel him retreat, even a centimetre, you wrap your legs around his hips. “Nope, don't stop. Let's get this over with.”

Sephiroth sees that you've got a small smile and he relaxes again.

You thank whatever gods exist that Sephiroth has the strength and control to make shallow, precise movements, chipping away at the tightness of your core, giving him room to thrust deeper, bit by bit.

Even though lust is clouding over Sephiroth's gaze, you guide him down for a kiss, in case he needs a distraction from any doubts. He stops his movements briefly to concentrate on how you lead the kiss to something deeper. He leans farther into you, taking more of what you're offering and resumes thrusting, but faster.

When he pulls away and opens his eyes, you ask, “How does it feel?”

“You squeeze me and it feels heavenly, but like I’m being pushed out. When you relax, I feel welcomed inside.”

Your response is a mixture of shock and embarrassment at his assessment. You can't imagine his mission reports contain such language. You reassure him again that everything is fine, though, you remembered at that very unlucky moment that this isn't a bedroom but a lab with a bed chucked inside. If you tightened up around him, he didn't notice. You encouraged him to wrap his arms tighter around you. Here he was, needing your help and your encouragement, and here you were, desiring his protective embrace. You felt a small measure of guilt, poisoning the experience. But that was only true if the professor hadn't poisoned it from the beginning. You had to wonder where the beginning even was.

But there’s no point in dwelling on the negative when the hero of Shinra is between your legs. It’s with that last though you finally come. Sephiroth watches with wonder as your orgasm takes you. As soon as your body relaxes, he pulls you close and smashes his mouth against yours. He seems intent on smothering his own cry, as it comes in the form a stuttering, strained hum. He pulls back with a low sigh that almost sounds reluctant.

Reluctance or not, this wasn’t just a fun one-night stand. The post-coitus warm fuzzies can’t change the fact that the room is still sterilized, lab grey. That Professor Hojo is still waiting somewhere for you both to be done. The truth blankets the both of you like a thin layer of ash. He gives you a soft smile but it makes you sad instead of happy.

“You’ve…made this enjoyable…”

Sephiroth struggles awkwardly to communicate his gratitude but your mind tugs you towards the door. He looks down between you and realizes he’s still keeping you there by remaining inside you. After seeing that, you’re torn. You do want to leave but you also don’t want this to be the last time you see him. Before he can move, you gently clap your hands to either side of his face, to his surprise.

“You did well.”

That reassures him well enough. He carefully retreats from your body. You sit up and close your legs. Sephiroth grabs both of your robes and hands you yours. You mutter a grateful thanks. He does some stretching, rolling his shoulders, and it has him looking more at ease in his body after. Though you wonder how much of it is real based on what you saw between him and the professor.

“There’s a bathroom. There,” he says.

You look where he’s pointing. There’s a plain door, blending in with the wall that you didn’t notice before.

“There are no cameras in there. I checked earlier.”