#I can have partners.
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.(slight abuse mention/personal stuff)
#after almost 30 years. I’m finally recovering#I’ve lived almost all of my life in fear of someone#whether that be my dad or a partner or a friend there’s always been someone#I’ve constantly been paranoid about where I go who I talk to what I’m saying#I’ve been physically emotionally mentally manipulatively abused by people over and over and#I clearly said ‘this is ok’ because it kept happening. sticking up for myself never felt worth it when#the paranoia and fear was right there to tell me it was better to stay quiet than risk more panic attacks more stress more hiding#I said ‘this is ok’ for years. because it kept happening and I didn’t realize it doesn’t Have to.#I can have friends.#I can have partners.#I can breathe and I can do this#there’s going to probably be long lasting impacts of me living this way for.#years. 5? 10? probably#but I’m so happy.#I’ve been told I’m loved by the people who love me#and I can’t wait until two weeks from now when I can just be.#hugged and held and told that I’m being good to myself for once#I’m love my friends and I can do this!!!!#i love my friends!!!!!!#and they love me!!#and things are so good#and I feel so understood#I can’t wait!!!!
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worried that thing you put in your art or writing or game or music is too self-indulgent, too self-referential, too niche for anyone but yourself? fear not! you can do whatever you want forever. and you should.
#writing#art#music#games#things i have to remind myself of daily#anyway ive found those things you're worried about sharing are often the most powerful things you CAN share#i hope you write#<- i would like to replace that tag with something that is less conversational#it makes reblogs awkward#anyway good morning. i have so many things to do today but instead i am crafting a memorial to my partner's best friend in my fanfiction.
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Honestly everyone give it up for repulsed aces/aros. Yall get so much shit for having boundaries and its frustrating to watch. You're all getting sent complimentary gift baskets
#aromantic#asexual#aspec#romance repulsed#sex repulsed#I was very briefly romance repulsed due to An Incident and like#every time i tried being like 'hey theres a PDA channel can you use that for this' to my friends with partners theyd throw a shit fit#anyway what im trying to say is that yall are strong as fuck and deserve to have boundaries respected.
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we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.
"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."
i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.
you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"
i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.
what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.
i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.
"don't make a big deal about this," you said.
this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.
"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.
you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."
the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.
afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."
#spilled ink#writeblr#i'm trying to write about this really specific and wierd new experience#that i think is specific to the internet generation#where people you trust can just... say whatever??? and while most people are trustworthy#sometimes they'll just like... put ur shit out there????#and the thing is that sometimes it's GOOD - i want you to tell ppl if ur partner is being cruel!!!!!#i want u to be like ''hey is it normal if xyz happens'' ... but stuff like ''she's afraid of the dark''#PARTICULARLY when it's CLEARLY making fun of me....#what is the point of that.#this is huge and complicated and happens outside of romantic relationships too btw#like someone u thought of as a friend will be like . oh did u know she's scared of heights and it's like.#girl why are u fuckin doing that tho?#it's not a SECRET i just ...???????????????????????#and i think that gross feeling of like -- ''i can't REALLY be upset bc there's not a TRUE RULE about this....''#it's just not something talked about. bc it's so specific and yet so complex#bc how could i say like '' this is a violation of trust'' when it... technically I GUESS isn't????????????#idk maybe im just like super sensitive but please tell me in the comments/tags/etc if this is#something u have experienced (a trusted person like spreading ur shit) and if u were cool with it
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mourning black and the death of ideals
#i haven't moved on from this yet. btw. i'm still here#finally decided to draw the thought i've been ruminating over for days on end bc it's like a parasite eating away my brain#stated this on the initial post i made days ago but there's just smt so gut wrenching and sickening#about how dazai will have worn black exactly twice in his life: once as a member of the mafia and now at kunikida's funeral#a color that initially signified devotion to the mafia and his demon prodigy alias now signifies his grief#him having to wear black again at the funeral of another doomed fatalist who chose his heart over his survival. his own partner.#kunikida's death being so reminiscent of the tragedy that initially caused him to defect and flee#and everything tying together full circle and effectively breaking him#asagiri rly said fuck knkdz it's doppover we lost gang 😭😭😭#why did bro leave that fucking notebook behind#fool. do you know that angst potential you have left me to work with?#love never won in bsd. it lay dead and festering#i don't know how much longer i can keep saying i miss them. i'm going to kill myself if he doesn't come back#i've never wanted something to be death bait so desperately#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#(??? technically. its implied anyway)#lotus draws
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I made another one
#elden ring#shadow of the erdtree#messmer the impaler#rellana twin moon knight#lotta nobodies in this one so get ready 👍#Fire knight captain kood#black knight captain Huw#Melina#hornsent grandam#commander gaius#fire knight queelign#shadow militiamen#miquella the kind#Notes for this one: I am weirdly adverse to using the classics of the format#There was originally going to be a kys message from the hornsent but I decided against it#there were other jokes that I wanted to tell that mattered more#Also I don’t know if this would count as Rellana x Messmer but if it does in your head then good for you#He has two hands and two snakes he can have many partners
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Losers Baby
Have I mentioned this ship is just heartwarming? Like not just the song but the casual domestic feel of it?????? Like I don't care if they fuck, but if they just held hands or some shit I would be going wild. So have these huskerdust sketches!
Commission me
#huskerdust#husk x angel dust#hazbin hotel husk#angel dust#hazbin hotel#hazbin angel#hazbin angel dust#ship art#fanart#hazbin fanart#huskerdust fanart#angel husk#my art#sketches#i have a lot of fun with angel's poses#get you a partner you can lay on top of on the couch and fall asleep on
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being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one
#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts#course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism#being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍#hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn#i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well.#obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it.#realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus#cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself#into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway.#so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation#but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct!#and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want...#best case scenario. is what i'm saying.#every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy#and it's so fucking satisfying. every day.#fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system#you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao#yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :)#aromantic#aromanticism#aro positivity#aroace#arospec#sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon#you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself.#FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better#life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not#i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao
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oooooooooough i love you i love you i love you!!!! hand in loving hand !!!!!!
#mine#cats#i was like losing it over th colouring yesterday like this SUCKS and then looked at it 2day n was like. anyway#ive been unstoppable since ive figured out how 2 do glowy things#me n my partner went ice skating this evening !! so so fun#i love how girls will just peacefully hang out in the centre ice doing spins n boys will fast and furious skate around at 100mph#like we dont need to be doing all that#as soon as i see a boy w hockey skates enter the ice i am now leaving the ice#anyway....i got a slightly dubious fantasy audiobook 2day we will....see...how it is#whenever i read a fantasy book written by a man my hackles are up i am scenting the air i am growling#have i finished assassins fate u ask.....no :3#its been sitting at 30% for like 4 months i cant bring myself 2 read more KJBDSSK#there is like so much book left. so much that can go wrong#i will finish it soon i prommy i prommy...n then listen 2 th tawny man audiobooks :3#ngl this fitz n fool trilogy isnt super doing it 4 me im not finding it as Invigorating for sm reason#still good !! but def my least fave of th three trilogies#anyway. i am going 2 bed
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The code at the end of the credits in the FNAF movie spells "COME FIND ME" btw for those without captions.
#seeming to confirm a sequel... also matthew lillard allegedly has a 3 picture deal with blumhouse & universal too 👀👀👀#my partner & I watched it on secret sites <3#no i won't snitch so you can get tiktok to get the site taken down lol#also the marionette AKA the puppet box theme was in the credits#Garrett Schmidt is that you?? William Afton's first kill??#we'll see what the movie continuity does I'll make a separate post about this stuff & the fnaf 2 animatronics#I have so much I wanna talk about#Vanessa being peepaw springtraps daughter was an interesting take#also we never saw Abby's imaginary friend 👀👀👀#mine#op#five nights at freddy's#fnaf movie#fnaf#five nights at freddy's 2023#five nights at freddy's movie#fnaf movie spoilers
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enough stories about how someone learns to truely be happy through love. i want a story where someone is desperately seeking out love thinking it's the only way to be happy only for them to learn by the end that happiness is what they make of it and they don't need love at all to make it.
#aro#aromantic#ace#asexual#aroace#loveless aro#loveless#non-partnering#nonpartnering#non partnering#nonamorous#aplatonic#enough of amatonormative tropes in media!!! enough 'you're miserable without love' stories!!!#less “you're too focused on ambitions to make you happy that you dont let yourself fall in love”#more “you're too focused on finding love to make you happy that you wont let yourself live”#more “there is so much more to life than love and so much more that can bring your happiness if you just let yourself experience it.”#maybe I should write this story#and when i say love i mean all love. not just romantic love.#which is why i tagged aplatonic too#while i mostly see this trope in terms of romantic love i think there's something to be said about#telling stories where people are perfectly content alone too#it doesn't have to be sad or pathetic to not have friends by choice. they dont have to be a miserable person to not have friends#i think we need more variety in stories where it shows people just content in their lack of love or relationships in all shapes#not everyone wants a family not everyone wants friends not everyone wants a partner not everyone wants love#some of us are content without. that should be explored without the need to fix it.
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In my head this was funny ok
#*only two species of moths can actually damage clothing but you never know when one might have a revenge plot against you#shiny duo#pearlecentmoon fanart#geminitay fanart#scott smajor fanart#trafficblr#trafficshipping#<-- just in case#gnawing holes into your cheating partner's clothes. just girly things#the longer I spent drawing this the unfunnier it became but at the very least you can look at shiny duo braiding#tubby art
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in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!
they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.
they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.
you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.
but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.
where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.
and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?
doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.
but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.
what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.
just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?
your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.
#spilled ink#warm up#writeblr#this is about someone specific but feel free to blorbo on main.#tbh this is familial for me so that is an element but it's also about childhood best friends#and probably about ur enemies to lovers blorbo#(but i want to specifically say if ur partner is like this. not necessarily a good partnership lol.)#(the dynamics at play in familial/friend relationships feel equally important and in some ways are HARDER to escape.#bc we can see that this is a potentially toxic romantic foundation.#but in family ? ...... it's toxic and it doesn't stop u from loving them. bc u always have.#and i think that makes it harder. by a lot. which is what this is referencing).#but genuinely and really truly forever feel free to tag ur potentially toxic enemies to lovers on this and all my poetry#here i'll do one for u - adora & catra :x
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i voted for reigen
#i hated coloring this but you have to understand how important the colors were to the comedy of it#wtnv#welcome to night vale#cecilsweep#cecil gershwin palmer#cecil palmer#comic#tumblr sexymen poll#tumblr sexyrematch#comics#digital art#personal comic#reigen arataka#bc hes not exempt from this#trans#transgender#sometimes a dispicable enemy can be a loving partner of 3 years#wtnv fanart#sorta???
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I'm so fucking sick of amatonormativity dude. Someone on Reddit left a comment that was basically like "the majority of people need a romantic relationship to be happy, it's how we're wired" and I responded saying that I disagreed and that more and more people (especially women) are finding fulfillment in other relationships and are happy being single.
I got heavily downvoted.
Of course most people like being in a committed relationship, but you don't have to be aromantic or asexual to enjoy being single. Maybe more people would like being single if we as a culture stopped pushing the narrative (especially on women) that being single is lonely, horrible, and depressing and that you need a romantic partner to be a complete person.
#amatonormativity is so insidious and prevalent and most people don't even realize they've fallen for the propaganda#like of course having a life partner is very important to a lot of people#but can we PLEASE stop acting like almost everyone is 'wired' for a monogamous romantic/sexual relationship#and people always fall back on 'well humans are social creatures we need to have relationships'#bitch I have my friends and family and colleagues what relationships am I lacking#amatonormativity#aromantic#aromantism#arospec#aspec#asexual#aroace#aphobia#1k
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You're so lovable, Pure Vanilla Cookie
#cookie run#cookie run kingdom#pure vanilla cookie#dark cacao cookie#shadow milk cookie#white lily cookie#purecacao#shadowvanilla#pureshadow#purelily#he is married to Dark Caco and White Lily because I'm real and I know whats up 🙏#he can have an annoying trickster partner too... as a treat#artfitto#chat is asleep. post cookie run yaoi.
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