#I can handle literally anything else
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I threw up this morning and now I’m suddenly not having an anxiety attack about my interview later. Go figure.
#Liz speaks#Liz’s personal tag#interviews are the only fucking thing I get this nervous about#and idk why#I can handle literally anything else#standing in front of a room of 100+ people?? totally fine#sitting in front of five people as they ask me about my professional experience? I’m gonna throw up an organ actually
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there is just something about the difference between edwin's love interests and having the cat king's reaction to edwin in hell being "i'll be waiting when he gets back" vs charles "no version of this where i don't come get you" rowland convincing a powerful trans-dimensional being to open a door to hell just so he could get him back
i am insane
#like YES i know there is obviously so much more history between the boys than edwin and the cat king#and for everyone who's like “well how would the cat king have gotten to hell”#yall charles got LUCKY that the night nurse was there to open a door for him#you can bet your ass that if she hadn't been there he still would've figured out how to get there no matter what it took#but the cat king calling himself a romantic because he'll wait vs charles GOING TO HELL TO GET HIM BACK????#absolutely insane#i cannot handle these two#like i can vibe with the cat king#but charles x edwin for the WIN#obviously the circumstances between the characters are a lot different#but to me that changes absolutely nothing about the fact that charles who only thinks of edwin as a friend would do literally anything#vs the cat king who claims to have fallen for edwin doing literally nothing and just sulking about it#i don't even care if you dont ship charles and edwin#the love they have for each other will forever outweigh anything else#(ps if you ship catwin you simply do not need to interact with this post. you will not change my mind)#(you do not have to interact with posts you don't agree with)#dead boy detectives#dead boy detective agency#charles rowland#edwin payne#the cat king#painland#payneland#dbd netflix
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Time and Time Again comes back tonight!
Thank you all for being so patient with me, I know it was a long hiatus.
My health was struggling, my arm was (is) hurting, and I decided it wasn't worth it. I'd rather be slow!
So thank you for giving me that grace, and I hope you'll be there with me for the rest of the series.
#like straight up. it's not worth it. idc how many people get mad at me#i would rather work fuckin. anything else than maintain this impossible schedule and keep hurting myself#if thats what it takes to do comics full time. then i can't do comics full time. simple as that!#i hope that for my next work i can have a healthier schedule and still make this work as my job#but if not. I'm never going back#i can't do it. 3 more years at this pace will take my ability to draw#anyways. its really good!!!#like genuinely i can feel a marked improvement in my skills#which is WILD!!! And I'm extremely happy about that!!!#just one more step into being better built to give people the quality stories they deserve.#ive not properly had the fire under my ass to finish stuff up but. its fine.#like i said? not worth it.#if i have to pause again then ill pause again. like i literally simply can not my body can't handle it#so. hopefully stuff goes smoothly but whatever happens will happen#whatever will be will be#i keep getting distracted lmfao#im excited about it coming back#and also. will. probably be distracting myself...#other creators dont read their comments. I'm like straight up not capable of that LMAOOO#i check for comments like all the time#love seeing em. love reading people's thoughts about my work#it makes me a better writer and keeps me connected to what matters most. which is my audience!#so i dont regret doing that but also. jts extremely distracting#i get straight up nothing done on big update days#cause im in the comments absolutely massive eyed refreshing.#this sounds obsessive. and it is. no jk#its just fun and keeps me in touch w peoples perception which helps me learn to write better#plus people are nice and ask me questions that i wanna answer#or if someone is being an ass. then i wanna tell them to leave (cause i cant block people) cause i consider it my responsibility#time and time again
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Really funny how LO's narrative and fans wanna make us believe Hades' type are strong women when he literally has a history of sabotaging every ambitious woman in his life, making them dependant on him and then preying on them at their most vulnerable.
#anti lore olympus#lo critical#lore olympus critical#name one woman hades has dated that wasn't in some way dependant on him#no Hera doesn't count#she literally had no one else to turn to for emotional support#Hades actively creates these situations where he can swoop in and act as the knight in shining armor for these women#He hates actually strong women#you can see it in how he treats demeter#his main reason for never attempting to court her (aside from her not even wanting his stanky groomer ass)#is that demeter can see right through his bs and has repeatedly called him out#I don't believe for a second that Hades sabotaging Demeter's attempt to become queen of the mortal realm was anything other#than spite from an insecure man-baby who couldn't handle the thought of a woman in power
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maybe its just me but i cant stand when people are like "it just doesn't sit right with me how teruhashi thought about aiura 🥺" like yes... its not supposed to ??? because her thinking badly of other girls and prioritizing male validation over everything is one of her main flaws ??? can we talk about that WITHOUT making it seem like shes not allowed to have a single actual flaw without suddenly becoming an awful person? nobody can handle complex female characters at all and its so fucking annoying
#you guys all missed the point of her development AND her and saiki's relationship development#like did you miss the parts where the only times he genuinely seems to not like something she does is when shes mean to other girls#and he still understands that she isnt a bad person for having bad thoughts in the private comfort of her mind#and besides... in this case she was literally just being a dramatic and insecure teenage girl LMAO#like dont fucking lie to me and tell me when you were her age you didnt have similar thoughts#youre worse than her if you lie about it while judging her for it#sorryyyy#she shouldve been MORE unhinged youre all just cowards#AND ALSO ? how can something even be 'mean' if its just a thought#thats like if u opened ur friends private diary without permission and then unfriended them over something they said in a random upset vent#and in this specific situation if u found out ur friend called someone a bitch because they liked the same person as her ??#LIKE THATS ?? its bad but its not as crazy as you guys make it out to be#shes allowed to be angry and insecure in the privacy of HER OWN MIND#idk if this makes sense but i just feel that her thoughts are more of a concern about her wellbeing than anything else#like she canonically is extremely kind to others even when she doesnt want to be so why are we worried about how she treats others.#theyre fine. im worried about HER.#and WHY her mindset is so negative... but u guys dont give a shit because u cant handle even a spec of complexity#sorry ive said all this before i just like to rant#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#teruhashi kokomi#meows post
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I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.
I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.
It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.
There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.
#its just like idk i dont think Curly was a bad captain because we only have this scenerio and I certainly dont think a man like Swansea#would like him or have very little issues with him specifically if he was incompentent or too lienent in the past but I do think the stress#was making him worse and worse as being a present leader as it dawned on him how much he actually had to handle like I really think he#just wanted to do yknow normal captain pilot stuff and fly the ship and yknow the little stuff like make sure things run right and over tim#the constant stress and strain of having to make every major choice started to grate on him and freak him out cause they cant even fucking#eat unless he pulls out the scanner and starts cooking like he has to choose the meal likely or have a vote and i make that part of the#reason he seems so indecisive and inactive is the fact he has to make the choice all the time and he's hoping he can at least make the crew#feel a little more in control of themselves as people by staying out of affairs like the game or disputes because god he literally has to#choose for them all the time like thats a lot of responsibility monitering their sleep their breaks food consumption thats all on him like#it really should be another persons job entirely as thats almost like absoulte contrl over the lives of everyone else that PE forces onto#that title and its also crazy how everyone accepts it even if they dont like it like they broke the food machine open rather than get the#scanner they all waited two months before Jimmy appointed himself leader its so scary how conditioned they all are to the environemnt#cause that sort of mindset is sadly real where people just wait everyone just waited until it was getting real dire and then they still#followed Jimmy without too many complaints like i saw a fic or post where Anya acknowledges they all kinda just let Jimmy do what they want#because he became the captain and it was stupid on all their parts cause they could clearly see how bad he was and yet he was captain so#they just fell in line to their roles and thats a bigger point towards how PE treated them and the complacency capitalism brings to you#just like something that irks me because idk I know Curly is slow to act but he's not as like unopinionated as people make him out to be#like he does try to find solutions but they are still restricted at the end of the day by what PE provides them and I think his biggest c#crime is being in his own head too much and not giving Anya that emotional stability cause like idk man was he supposed to go to Home Depot#himself and install like padlocks? even if the let Anya sleep in medical after she pointed it out she was already pregnant at that point#like we arent seeing the inherent issue that no one not even Anya herself was thinking of the preventative measures because a)there was a#point nothing was happening that necessitated them b) it would've been the responsibility of PE to address them pre and post incident and c#there is only one person on the entire ship given the authority to do anything. You can not make multiple important choices in one instance#in such little time and Curly should not have had that total power like i think the most interesting thing in takes that really blame Curly#is that level of control they give him over the company. Like again i think about the three days we miss between the eval/party and the#convo/crash like i think people switch them around as if those scenes happen in succession when they are broken up and its heavily implied#Curly and Jimmy just havent been talking vs the depiction that she told him and for like three days Curly was just chummy despite the fact#Jimmy and him just had a blow out fight like the next time we assume they talk is during the crash sequence cause he honestly hangs#around Anya more which i think is really important because she trust Curly to defend her himself but not his judgement to give her somethin#to defend herself as she knows he believes her but also knows she's not seeing the danger the same and its heartbreaking and more
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you know as a neurodivergent person I only have two fucking requests of anyone I consider a friend: 1) do not cold shoulder or get aggressively angry with me for something you didn't bother to communicate you had a problem with and 2) do not fucking infantalize me and treat me like a naive fragile broken child who is a burden on everyone in my life. shouldn't be too hard right??? insane how many neurotypicals are fucking incapable of doing the bare fucking minimum
#literally the only prerequisites i have for someone to be my friend#like if I love you legitimately everything else is a non issue. it doesn't even occur to me to get mad#and it's not even in a “sigh i will look past this for you” way. genuinely there's very little you can do to bother me if you're my friend#ill just assume you had good intentions#because i trust that you wouldn't intentionally hurt me if you're my friend so getting angry is pointless#but i genuinely don't know how to handle it when people i care about get mad at me. it scares the shit out of me#ugh i can't explain what i mean#but god some people really just don't give a shit once they dont need me anymore huh#it's the way they go out of their way to make me feel like a helpless 13 year old who can't do anything right again#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com#i swear if you manage to lose ME as a friend 9 times out of 10 there's smth seriously wrong with you#because i virtually have no standards and will put up with everything#and am the person who cares too much in almost every relationship in my life
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happy elements look at me right now if you make mayoi weird about the younger characters i will be killing akira personally. please god dont you dare
#nyx yells#literally my one fear about the new era. like i can handle literally anything else but if that happens i’m done w this game#enstars tag
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resignation letter is the most potent painkiller. i love you resignation letter i love you one month notice <3
#tmi but im regular again and literally the only change is because i've been eating enough to shit daily#i was in such a bad headspace these past few months that i could barely bring myself to eat#i'd go to sleep with my work uniform still on and wake up willing myself to get up for 30 mins and then brushing my teeth and going to work#with the same clothes i slept in#i stopped hanging out with my friends. i had nightmares abt my job.#i can only take care of myself on my days' off and i cant grok anything other than shallow entertainment like wrestling#everything else is too much for my brain to handle. i'd simply forget everything i read or play or even listen to#those three months are miserable lmao#its not just my job... its also the family issues i've been dealing with#yknow remember when i said i could have died? yeah that shit was real. fuckin love it when my mom admit my dad have the capacity to be a#family annihilator. but... since my dad have a job to keep him busy and we moved to a house where me and my sister and#my mom and dad get to have our own rooms... and my dad get to live near his old friends and family...#things have been getting better. usually we had a physical fight every two months but it hasnt happened yet and i seem to get on with him#better now. so... i guess im gonna be okay. i've been so tired and trapped#stuck between two places that are both physically and emotionally draining with no reprieve#things are changing. and i find that to be comforting despite how up in the air the future might be. i might be screwed but also? what if#i'll be fine? im at a point where im accepting any drastic changes even if its for the worse#funny how i used to like my job a lot. i guess im not to be comfortable with anything long term#posts about my life
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i dont get when ppl say "atsushi would be horrified" at something thats probably just another tuesday for him
#yall atsushi is sheltered as in he doesn't know the real world literally cuz he was locked up#not that he doesn't know how evil or awful ppl can be#sure maybe some things he'll be horrified - especially since he usually seems to sympathize and empathize but stop treating him like he's#only seen good things in his life and doesn't know how hard it gets#i think atsushi would really only react to the specifics of dazai's relationship with akutagawa in terms of akutagawas past but i dont thin#hed start being scared of dazai or anything#i think he might take some time to process it but atsushi is aware of the dazai that dazai has changed into too#also in terms of atsushi not wanting to kill#when he realized that he killed shibusawa he had a little break down and then he got the fuck over it lmao#so idk whats this stuff about atsushi not being able to handl ever killing anyone#like he doesn't like unnecessary killing and he doesn't like not valuing life but still guys come on#also when ppl talk about atsushi not understanding or getting the fact that dazai wants to kill himself#like okay yea atsushi isnt dazai he'll never understand but sometimes ppl act like atsushi doesn't know what suicide is#or that despite his strong want and thirst to survive he also doesnt also think itd be better if hed died in a ditch#what else#also i dont like when ppl say atsushi is weirdly mean to akutagawa becuz akutagawa showed up and in a way confirmed atsushis worst fears#bringing misfortune to those around him#and then tried to kill him#and then resented him for dazai liking him more even tho thats not atsushis fault at all#fuck id throw dazai's name back at akutagawas face too#and he did come to understand and care for him to some extent#atsushi cares about akutagawa i dont understand how ppl can think he doesnt#anyway#also atsushi canonically gives ppl who've hurt him second chances like look at lucy why would he turn his back on dazai ever
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#long talk in tags incoming i guess#i don't understand why people keep following me when everything i do is complaining lately#and not about dnp per se. but about how the work is done and how their team *coughs* martyn *coughs* is handling stuff#i'm just looking at all this mess and i can't agree with basically anything#everything goes against my beliefs when it comes to work organisation. customer focus and etc.#and i'm trying SO hard to mildly help for free. and i'm just getting ignored. but that's like.. basic fixing and shit#any decent company would do it and say thank you for noticing and letting us know#but not irl merch lmao#and it all feels and looks like a massive joke#and i'm so so tired to basically pay for existence of this mess#i'm rethinking a lot of tour related decisions i made. and i know the reason i made them was about travelling more than the show itself#so i don't completely regret it#i'm just so tired of being spat in the face (figuratively speaking) over and over again#and tired of no one taking their job seriously ffs#neither martyn nor dnp nor their fucking editors#and i'm doing all that not for attention or whatever. but because I really care for the words to be correct and for the fucking text..#.. to be in the middle. like idc about the credit or WHO i need to ask for it to be fixed. i just want it to be fixed#so it looks good and how it should look#like. it's not that hard to put a little care into the things you do and getting paid for#I don't understand how it became so normalized. how being a bad manager is okay if you work with a fanbase and you're a 'small company'#a small company who has more than enough money to hire people to check things btw. if only anyone cared#i'm just so so tired of caring. because apparently it's not something everyone else does.#and i can let it slide when it comes to dnp. they are not being literally hired to do it. but others..... yeah#today was a moment when i thought 'that's a perfect opportunity to leave. enough.'#but the tour is in 1.5 months and i have tickets so i can't leave lmao#what kind of joke that is? oh and i know i'm fully responsible for this mild breakdown#personal
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Noooo…… first it’s Yuuta and Shoko, now they’re yo-yoing back around to Megumi.
#no they’re bashing megumi even more than ever now…. sometimes some characters aren’t built for all of THIS AND ITS OKAY#he’s forever traumatized bro he just lost his sister in front of his eyes and his body was the one that killed her#same situation with Gojo who took care of his sister and he from when they was toddlers and up#megumi doesn’t want to live anymore and yuuji has already tried getting through to him he’s completely broken and even if he’s saved megumi#might not ever be the same#I feel like fans keep on forgetting that these are kids going through all of this stuff that even some of the hardest adults wouldn’t be#able to handle#they bash him but a lot of these same ppl forget what happened to getou and love him unconditionally#they’d say “’well other characters have lost a lot as well and they’re still trying!’ and I just have to#restate that again; simply not every character is built like some hard boiled shounen badass jjk is not the usual shounen that a lot of#fans still refuse to see tbh like it’s kind of built different 🗿#it’s core genres are literally horror/psychological horror like no one if gonna be bouncing back like Naruto bro#and in Naruto’s case he never got to see anyone precious to him die in front of him#who knows what Naruto would’ve went through if sasuke was killed in front of him#but then again#Naruto was already a crazy ass#he vowed to kill sasuke and die with him so nvm#but megumi ISNT crazy like that that’s the difference ajsjsjsj#he’s always been one of the more rational characters amongst his peers#he’s so normal!!! everyone else is fucked up or got larger personalities than he does#maybe ppl are pissed off at the fact that megumi simply isn’t fighting back… it’s frustrating but he’s in pain bro#I don’t see him making it out alive at all either if I’m being real#Yuuji might be one of the only characters to survive at this rate I doubt Yuuta is even going to pull through after the techniques 5 min#are up either…#rambling#the point it…… as sad as it may sound all of the characters fighting so hard now are doing so because they simply have to#Sukuna is literally a calamity and these are the only characters left who will even stand any chance against such a great entity#they don’t have much of a choice man#Gojo tried to prepare his students for the future so that they’ll be strong enough to fight back anything together. not alone#Everyone is doing what they can now
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Man didnt someone just get cancelled for bullshit preschool behavior like this
#if you think like this literally delete the app and go outside until ur better#im not gonna post anything else like this cuz i hate getting involved in discourse but this shit is so annoying#this is why i dont follow this blog and get a lil annoyed when i see ppl reblog from it. i dont like this blog#mostly cuz seeing ppls anonymous takes sounds too brain meltingly annoying for me to handle#AGAIN. only time im gonna post about this and then ill go on my way đź’– just wanted to bitch abt it#because this is my private domicile and i can post what i want. but yeah no more complaining bye#im having a date day with my gf i dont have time to worry about this đź’–đź’– bye#ruby rambles#discourse tw
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exhausted health update because I have to rant somewhere lol
So we're ending day 12 of my mysterious right-sided numbness. It's moved from just my torso all the way down my right leg to my toes, so now I'm just hobbling around half numb rip. And now the torso numbness feels like im being vacuum sealed or something, just a horrible tightness and lack that makes it impossible to ignore. Went to the ER the other night and had 2 panic attacks within the span of the several hours I was there, got my bloodwork redone and a cat scan which all came back with a big Nothing on them. They told me I needed an MRI but that I'd have to go through my Primary Care and after I told them my primary wouldnt see me until May they referred me to a new primary not in my network so that's been a dead end rip. So far everyone is pointing at my horrific anxiety as the cause but not one doctor has actually offered me help for the anxiety despite me having the active panic attacks in the office lol. My Primary wont see me for several months despite the severity of my current condition and none of the mental health programs I've reached out to will get back to me so for now I'm just. Existing in this anxiety Ouroboros where my anxiety causes my numbness which causes anxiety which causes numbness. I'm trying stupid home remedies to try and minimize the active anxiety attacks but so far we've just been circling around alternating Holy Basil, Benadryl and literally just drinking Rum and going to sleep, which sure all help my anxiety a little maybe but also make it almost impossible for me to function normally during the day. This is making art difficult so commissions are going slow which is obviously making me more anxious lol. I also am home alone most of the week managing the household, which is made more difficult since right now the numbness in my foot/leg makes it dangerous for me to drive and difficult for me to get around my house to do daily tasks. Idk man I'm just tired as all hell and I seem to vacillate wildly between full anxiety breakdowns and depressive/dissociative episodes. At any rate during the week I'll just be constantly calling and harassing every doctor/therapist I can get a number for trying to find someone who will be able to either address my anxiety directly or can at least get me into an MRI to rule out MS or anything else that ISNT anxiety. I'm going to become the bane of the medical profession for a while. Wish me luck!
#personal#dense rants#medical stuff#ive been really absent headed and floaty today so im a little concerned im heading into a full dissociative episode but#guess we'll see#i moved from my temporary space in our spare room back into my normal room so that'll be interesting#and my weighted blanket idea backfired since i can only find my 30lb and not my 15lb#and the 30 is a little too constricting when im already half numb#my knee also feels like gelatin so walking has become.... precarious#but it is what it is i guess#here's hoping it goes away eventually#if anyone has any other weird back alley ways of handling their chronic and extreme anxiety hmu bc im basically ready to try anything lol#if nothing else i got the satisfaction of giving the double middle fingers to every family member and health professional#who couldnt FATHOM that all of my test results came back as a big No for diabetes#because as a fat girl obviously that's the only possible thing it could be#like im not even pre-diabetic im literally healthy as a horse aside from the numbness thing#so suck on that health and diet industry
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^ guy who has a normal relationship with gender and fiction (gets dysphoric when seeing kin characters gendered in ways that don’t match my own)
#i can deal with cis man and trans man and i can’t deal with Anything Else#this is abt sam but it’s also abt literally every other kin i have.#stiles and will and spencer and all of em#those are Men because they are Me and i am a Man#idk man i can’t ask people to tag trans fem headcanons of those characters bc that would probably come across badly but#i hate havin to block accounts for having different trans headcanons to me. we r all family but i cannot handle the content
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i like actually do not have the energy for anything ever
#i never used to cry this much at everything but now i just am constantly sobbing all the time#because of fucking DRIVING#like everyone else can do it!!!!! why can't i!!!! why is my brain wired so weirdly like STOP GETTING FLUSTERED AND SOBBING GOD!!!!#< no i did not fail my driver's test a third time thank god i just had a refresher course and i literally just cannot handle anything ever#i just start crying because of how nervous i get#and also i feel like everyone hates me but that's another thing entirely#anyway im probably just getting my period#bee.txt
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